#im just sad I cant feel this way all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wastelandcatartist · 2 years

Text

Bruh last night I had a really 😳 interesting dream abt Michael Myers and im just scared of what tonight will bring me in my dreams lmfao plus im just hhhh eh mood wise. More abt it in the tags cuz hhhhh tired

1 note · View note

luck-of-the-drawings · 5 months

Text

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

163 notes · View notes

chickenoptyrx · 8 months

Text

*sittin up projecting onto the baby blorbo when I should be sleeping*

#just havin a super normal 1 #ok but i neddta tag rant #prepare for typos #but #like ok imagine you havin your first real melt down #you dont know whats happenin just that you feel like your goin insane #and instead of helpin ya #your dad- the only person ever been lookin out for ya #his solution is restrict your freedom/ cut off access to this part of you that he was praisin and encouraging before #cause yknow it scares him now #now bein strong and aggressive is bad and you needta be quiet and calm #but ay since you cant act up now problem solved right?#he can just ignore it all now #no way this sudden unexpected shift will trigger a downward spiral or anything #....anyway yes im sayin the big evil bad guy is just an uwu over stimulated smol bean #...but fr every time paragus says ' there was somethin far darker about him ' i get sad for the dumb man baby #cause man hes talkin about his kid #blah blah blah ok sleep. thats a thing i should do soon

293 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

Text

...

#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time #chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed #away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all #things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get #to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just #miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im #crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the #same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated

27 notes · View notes

puppyeared · 10 months

Text

people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head #around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working #as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of #how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol #i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were #pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family #i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by #ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me #or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made #you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm #im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help #wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career #i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades #but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard #yapping

103 notes · View notes

wildstar25 · 8 months

Text

G'raha looked so serious while he pleaded his case to venture into the World of Darkness with the Warrior of Light. The sudden conviction in his tone had Arsay at a loss for words. Still, she did not hesitate to meet his request with an accepting nod. He was an important friend and in the passing moons that they'd come to know each other, a strong fondness for him had taken hold of her. The prospect of helping G'raha find the truth behind his mysterious inheritance made Arsay's heart pound. It was the perfect venture for them to embark on. The first of many, she hoped. The two turned towards the impossibly tall spire that dared to pierce the heavens above. Arsay's resolve strengthened in its presence. When they next find themselves gazing at the tower -with their quest completed and the world no longer under threat of total destruction- she'll properly ask G'raha to be a companion in her travels. A grin crept its way onto her face as her gaze shifted to him. If Arsay could find it within herself to bare her heart to others so readily just as he does… perhaps their future adventures will find them together, hand in hand.

#ffxiv #wolgraha #WOL posting #G'raha tia #Arsay Nun #graharsay #idk just a random passage in my head that I needed to get out #im not a writer and im not pretending to be one but it was in my brain so sorry if its not as readable as I think it is #anyways imagine you are the loneliest catgirl in the world #and you meet a guy who is so swagless and cringe but in a charming way and he connects with you on a fundamental level #and you become really good friends and every time you show up he smiles in a way that makes your heart do somersaults #and you start thinking that maybe people actually like having you around not just when they need you to kill and destroy things #you let yourself open up a little and you're met with kindness and you realize you are very in love actually #but because you're still figuring out how to talk about your feelings you wait a little too long #and that guy seals himself up in a tower and tells you he'll think about your heroism in the future #and you are very sad and angry about this but thats not allowed so instead you put that energy to being the hero of all time #and every day you go to work you see the structure that reminds you of him and you cant let go of those what if feelings n ur cursed 5ever #would that be fucked up or what

38 notes · View notes

writingmoth · 10 months

Text

liking romantasy as an ace person who is more sex-indifferent than sex-favorable is so exhausting. there are all these books that look cool but the authors mostly market them based on spicy levels and spicy scenes and it does nothing for me so i just sit here like :| thats nice i guess haha

#nothing wrong with spicy levels btw #but spicy is like a plus for me #i only really enjoy it if i like the romance first so all the marketing is lost on me #which is why i think fantasy romance wip has no target audience at all LOL WHO IS THIS FOR EXCEPT ME SPECIFICALLY #its such a specific niche like #if you like romantasy but queer #and queer as in transmac & nonbinary ppl mostly with ace/aro characters #might have spicy stuff but not much and not for a long time #huge platonic element but the romance is There (I SWEAR)#who wants to read this even #again: this is not a condemnation of romantasy its more a 'i want to read this and there isnt much of it and that makes me sad' thing #ren.txt #i feel like im stuck between regular adult fantasy which is usually very dry and emotionless with no well written relationship to speak of #(romantic or otherwise)#and romantasy which has the emotion i want bUT GOES ABOUT IT IN A WAY I CANT RELATE #*shakes fantasy genres* IF YOU COULD JUST MEET IN THE MIDDLE

27 notes · View notes

tsukana · 9 months

Text

i think im really sad that im feeling bitter abt this bc like. despite the fact that ppl are saying oh yeah its purgatory its never fair. i have a bad taste in my mouth that for once it feels like its not bc of player action its partially to do with weird ruling by the admins on the event (re: the essentially. disregarding of the event points on elimination which i still kinda dont get why they couldnt just retally the points since they had the numbers?)

#tsu talks #qsmp crit #qsmp discourse #i mean yeah i was rooting for sneeg but also. i hate that he's blaming himself that if he hadnt spoken up theyd have lost anyway. bc it #wasnt his fault?#and not trying to hate on the admins at all or anything. but despite saying the wrng names #recalculating the scores and just Saying what the score makeup was wouldve solved everything without making streamers need to stream beyond #what they expected on a day that shouldve been primarily abt the egg wars event?#anwyyas shutting up now. this isnt meant to be a super neg or something post this is mostly just me reflecting on the way i feel abt today #and the way today went and the way the event went today. i still had a good time so far #and like i said. i feel sad that i feel this way bc i dont WANT to feel this way. btu like. what can i do abt that yknow. thats just how im #feeling. i really wanna enjoy the event but honestly now that sneegs out he was rly the only purg2 pov i was watching lmao. id watch #etoiles but i cant read translations while im listening at work </3

23 notes · View notes

meringuejellyfish · 4 months

Text

ohohoh

#its Fun to be in the state of "just thinking not talking'' living in your own head. this way of going about your day to day has been #troubling me a lot lately (despite being this way for a very long time) as of now im thinking of it in relation to Having interests. but it #just a deeply nestled general being a person thing aswell. its very much not good lol.#not afraid of being perceived rather harboring a deep sadness about not being 'fully' percieved. not presenting 'everything' its so strange #the barrier that exists for no reason other than ''i dont talk/cant talk''#it should be simple and natural to simply say what youre thinking and take opportunity to discuss #like ouhhh man. people can only know you so much if you dont give them anything to work with In a sense #and well its just upsetting. want to talk converse discuss be open natural expressive and all around known #and oh it all feels so silly when its not a specific thing. not a grand secret youve kept. just a general ''i dont know know how to get to #the point of expressing myself fully''#hmhmhm ! hmhmhmh ! hmhm #lucky to be in a space of kind pleasant passionate people who all do their things and talk of their doings and life #its my future ............. and i can hold it in the palm of my hand ! its a me thing ifve gotta continue with trying every day to say a #little more. actually partake a bit in a discussion. like my things and live my life as a person with many facets #i can do things ohhhhhuhhhh its haurd. i can do things and say things and think things

9 notes · View notes

anxiously-sidequesting · 10 months

Text

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

19 notes · View notes

penisbilt · 5 months

Text

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

11 notes · View notes

mithomite · 6 months

Text

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia #tw transphobes

12 notes · View notes

stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 5 months

Text

I DONT THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA but i also REALLY want it to happen so. i will keep reading as usual

#WORMPOSTING . GOD.#starting 2.6 taylor is going to meet w tattletale and i think grue and regent? maybe?#its insane how visceral the high school scenes make me feel. fuck mr gladly btw. why the FUCK did he walk away #sir you were just concernes about her and tou walk out 30 seconds later to her being attacked and all you do is look sad and leave #you cant even like ?!?!!?!?! walk past in earshot so they know youre there !?!?!?! not eben that little bit of solidarity!?!?!#man #hey also fuck emma. taylors stronger than be bc if i were her shed be waking up with spiders in her mouth every goddamn morning #spiders georg. spiders emma. centipedes up her nose. fuck that shit ohhhh im so mad #anyway. excited 2 see the villains again. theres no way this is going 2 end well for taylor i think shes gonna do something stupid <3 #and u know what? i support her #reaction time

5 notes · View notes

diodellet · 2 months

Text

wow so...that was a week.

#so much happened #and it feels so bittersweet #i celebrated my birthday with friends for the first time in a long while #and im still gonna be seeing them again for another outing #but at the same time i lost a dear pet and my emotions are all over the place #85% of the time im just chilling and doing my own thing #and then ill look back on my gallery and shared media i see her and i get sad all over again #doesnt help that its been super rainy and overcast (in a compounding depreshun type of way)#she was one of my biggest comforts during the worst of the pandemic #and it tears at me that she just got sick all of a sudden i wish i knew sooner #if i end up writing smth sad thats how u know the demons won #dellet-asides #also on an unrelated note: with the weather issues my tumblr mobile cant load any pictures

3 notes · View notes

caffeinatedopossum · 2 years

Text

Me and my cat are exactly the same and it's hilarious. Like my gf just got a new rug to go over a cord we have on the floor (my autism along with some other factors make me really clumsy and I WILL trip over it so yeah) but she had me feel the rugs at the store because she wants one that's also an okay texture for me. Well she grabbed one and showed it to me and it's just *chefs kiss* very good texture. So immediately when she lays it down at home, me and the cat both sit on it before she's even done adjusting it XD

#weve both got a touch of the tism #also he gets sensory overload which i think is endearing #but also kind of sad especially when other people dont understand whats going on and make it worse #or just generally resent him for something he cant control #hehe also he has a lot of the same stims as me #like looking out the window and pacing (i walk but he zooms cause cat) and kneading things and feeling all the soft textures #and he eats weird by knocking one piece of kibble out of his food bowl at a time and eating it #unless hes famished. which i used to eat all of my food one piece at a time and would even get mad/aggravated when other people didnt #like seeing people just shove a whole handful of skittles in their mouth would give me this visceral disgust and hatred lmao #i was a weird kid. im honestly not sure why i grew out of that but it kinda makes me sad #i think it was my eating disorder. idk im not a fan of the disgust but the way i used to eat i think i enjoyed food more #more than i have in a really long time #i also think its funny that me and the cat both copy each other so weve just created this feedback loop of autistic behavior #its hilarious. sometimes he even tried to pet me by like placing his paw on me a few times and its so cute

74 notes · View notes

bunnihearted · 2 months

Text

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

#i know im way too intense and melodramatic #but i keep feeling so sad and starting to cry constantly bc everything reminds me of him #like when im outside and feel the breeze against me all i can think is how i'll never walk next to him and know what his hand feels in mine #when im going on an errand i think of im never gonna do it with him and feel his hand on the small of my back #and turn my head to look up at him while we're talking abt anything and everything #when im on my walks i get so sad bc i've fantasized a million times abt going on different kinds of walks with him #but now i dont even have the hope that i'll ever get to go on a walk with him and point at all the birds i see #or show him the snails i find :c or talk to him or walk in comfortable silence #when it rains .. he reminds me of rain and i feel so sad bc i'll never be held or hold him while it rains outside #when im in the grocery store all i can think abt is how he will never occupy the empty space around me #i'll never get to walk up next to him while he browses a shelf and grab his arm and pull him close to me #i'll never get to put my arms around his waist and feel him pull me close and rest my head against his shoulder #it's all i can think abt....#when i read a book or watch a show i wanna talk to him abt it. when smth happens i want to tell him #i wont ever get to cook for him or take care of him or listen to his worries and try to be there for him #i'll never get to play video games or watch movies with him #the loss of him hurts so bad bc it's just him him him for me (i know it cant be anymore i know) but no one is him #i keep wondering what he'd think of this or that or just like literally everything #i dont know.. i just keep crying bc i think of it all the time and it hurts so bad bc ???#also he's the only one i've felt safe and comfortable showing certain sides of aspect of myself. i never thought it was possible but w him #it was. so idk i feel so hollow on my own account lol... i feel selfish bc ofc i care abt him and want him to be happy but i hurt sm too so

10 notes · View notes