#im just trying to go once or twice a week bc even the stairs these days winds me

[cupcraft]

finally got a gym membership im unbelievably nervous about this

[seulgiology]

still with you ┃jeon jungkook

pairings: idol!jungkook x non-idol!reader

words: 2.6k

genre: fluff :)

synopsis: you miss jungkook while he’s away on tour, but he reminds you that he is still with you no matter what. 

warnings: cute shit ahead, angst if you squint, might make you smile.

a/n: ahhh omg admin 2 is here to save the day. june has been a really shitty month for us when it comes to giving you guys some fics and we’re sorryyy. butttt here is some jk fluff inspired by his song still with you, bc omg it is so good and i listen to it like all the time lmao. when i listened to it, i got inspired to write a little oneshot ahaha. okay this is getting long lmao, love you all <3.

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

--

The low music playing is what motivates you to get out of bed. You walk over to the vinyl player in your room to turn it off and when you do, you slump against the dresser with a tired sigh and rub your eyes. 

You can’t sleep.

That was the conclusion you came to after trying to fall asleep but failing, and here you are thirty minutes later. You had eaten dinner, took a hot shower, and even played a vinyl to help you sleep but even that rendered useless. You knew the cause of your restlessness was because your boyfriend wasn’t home and was overseas on tour still. 

It was a hard transition at first, getting used to your boyfriend being out of the country for tours. Some would think that after years of being together, you would’ve gotten used to it but they don’t understand how had it is. Since you’re already used to Jungkook being apart of your everyday life, it is hard when suddenly he’s gone for sometimes months. 

Even though at times you would fly out to wherever he was to attend a concert or see him. There are video calls whenever you two can and texting every day when he’s not busy. But, there was nothing like being in his presence. At times it was hard for you to fall asleep because he wasn’t there and you felt pathetic for needing him this much but you couldn’t help it.

You leave the room, the sound of your slippers being the only thing heard through the quiet house. You walk down the stairs and make your way to the kitchen, hoping some tea will help you relax some more. You fill the tea kettle with water before placing it on the stove and while you wait, you go back to your room to get your phone.

When unplugging it from the charger on your nightstand, you see two new messages from Jungkook from three minutes ago and you instinctively smile, unlocking your phone to see what he said. 

jk <3: hey baby, we just got done performing and im exhausted but happy.

jk <3: i know you’re probably sleeping but i love you and we will call when you wake up, sweet dreams baby.

A sad smile falls across your lips when reading the messages and you call him without thinking twice about it. You sit at the end of your bed and wait for him to answer the facetime call. He said he was exhausted and it was only five minutes ago so he shouldn’t be sleeping yet.

When he answers, your breath hitches at the beautiful sight of him. He’s smiling wide at the camera ad pushes some hair away from his eyes delicately. “Y/N, hey!” Jungkook is practically shouting and you hear the boys in the back yelling their greeting to you as well and you can’t help but smile.

“Hi,” you greet back in a small voice and Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice how off you sound. You watch as he bustles around and then finally sits down, where there isn’t as much noise being heard. “I didn’t know you were still at the stadium, do you want to call when you get back to the hotel?” You suggest and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow a bit at the tone of your voice. It sounded a bit shaky and he just knew something was wrong.

“No, no it’s fine we’re not leaving for another twenty minutes. Plus, I’m riding with Jimin so I have to wait until he’s ready,” Jungkook assures with a wave of his hand and pushes some hair out of his face again, causing you to smile again. “I thought you were sleeping though. Why are you still up?” 

“I couldn’t sleep,” you admit sheepishly. You watch as Jungkook’s smile falls from his face and immediate worry crosses his features. “Ah, don’t worry Kook-ah, I just have trouble sleeping without you sometimes but I get over it.”

“Y/N…” Jungkook trails off sadly. Your eyes widen when you realize he started to worry anyways but before you could speak, he’s talking again. “We talked about this, yeah? Whenever you can’t sleep just call me, you know I’m not busy when you’re heading to sleep anyways. I always make time for you regardless,” he reminds you in a soft voice and the emotion that crashes into you makes you look down because your eyes started to tear up. 

“I know, I just don’t want you to worry about me. I should have been gotten used to this,” you whisper more to yourself, feeling even more upset. “I’m sorry,” You whisper, tears close to falling and emotion thick in your voice. 

“Y/N, hey, baby don’t cry,” Jungkook says in his soothing voice but you keep your head down, refusing to look at him. “I’m going to worry about you whenever I’m not by your side, that’s a given and that’s nothing you should be apologizing for. Don’t apologize for missing me, okay? Because I miss you too- so much,” Jungkook admits calmly and you can’t help but break down into tears. 

Jungkook is glad he has his headphones with him because he wouldn’t want the boys to hear you crying, it hurting him just not being there to hold you. He knew you took it hard whenever he had to leave and it made him feel bad sometimes but he knew you understood. 

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” you say through your sobs, and Jungkook smiles sadly at you. You finally raise your face to wipe at some tears and Jungkook stays silent, waiting for you to speak. 

“I think it’s the time we been apart, you know? This is the longest we’ve been apart and it hasn’t even been two months yet,” you laugh is painful to hear because he knows it isn’t one of humor. Your chest felt like it was caving in the more you speak and as you look at Jungkook, your heart aches knowing you can’t touch him or hear him in person. “I just really miss you,” you whisper finally.

“I know and I miss you too,” Jungkook whispers back and feels himself tearing up as well, always having been a bit more open with his feelings when it came to you. “Just another week, okay? And if you’re still up when I get to the hotel, I’ll sing you to sleep.”

“Really?” you ask in a hopeful voice and Jungkook grins at your eyes brightening a bit. He nods with a hum and you smile the tiniest but it’s enough for him. 

“I love you,” he reminds you and your heart does that little skip it always does when he tells you he loves you. “I love you too, Jungkook,” you say back, the smile he gives in return enough to make you smile wider. 

You two hang up shortly after and you shuffle back down the stairs with a heavy heart. You felt a bit better but you were still missing Jungkook. You were going to have to get used to this so this wouldn’t be a problem for him for future reference.

You turn the stove off once downstairs and push the kettle to the back because you weren’t in the mood for tea anymore. When you get back upstairs, you just lay in bed and scroll through twitter, watching little moments and fancams from the concert earlier and pride swells through you at how good Jungkook is and has gotten throughout the years.

In fifteen minutes, your phone is ringing again and Jungkook is singing you to sleep. And that night you get the best sleep you’ve gotten since he has been gone.

-- 

It was two days later and you were coming home from dinner with some friends of yours. You had stopped by the store on the way home to grab some snacks because you were running low. You close the door behind you after and kick your shoes off by the door, trading them for your house slippers. 

You flip on the light and shuffle to the kitchen, turning that light on as well. It took you a few minutes to put the snacks away and after that, you got yourself a bottle of water from the fridge. As you walk upstairs, you text Jungkook letting him know you got home from dinner and you were going to watch a movie in a few.

When you get to the bedroom, you flip the light on and start to take off your clothes. You walk in you and Jungkook’s closet and turn to his side of the closet, picking out a pair of his sweats for yourself. Just as your finishing up, the doorbell is ringing.

You pull your hair out of Jungkook’s hoodie with a confused frown, wondering who could be at the door. You jog down the stairs while running a hand through your hair cause of how messy it looked after pulling on your boyfriend’s hoodie.

You open the door without thinking and who you see standing there knocks the breath out of you. You blink a few times to try to see if your vision is blurry but he is still standing there. Holding his camera bag and a suitcase by his feet, smiling shyly at you. 

“Surprise?” Jungkook says in more of a question and your mouth opens, then shuts. You can’t speak because you’re feeling so much right now. The feeling of relief and happiness is spreading through you so fast it is becoming overwhelming. You open your mouth to speak again but quickly shut it when realizing you don’t know what to say.

Instead of speaking, you do the first thing that comes to mind. You take two steps towards him and wrap your arms around his middle, gently laying your head down on his chest and closing your eyes. Jungkook smiles from above you before hugging you back, kissing your forehead softly and swaying you two gently back and forth.

The two of you stay like that for what feels like forever before Jungkook pulls away, grabbing gently at your shoulders so he can see your face. A smile finds its way onto your face as Jungkook is already smiling down at you, tucking strands of your hair behind your left ear. 

“Hi,” you finally greet and Jungkook can’t help but laugh in relief, swooping down and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. You’re caught off guard but kiss him back anyways, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. 

It’s a short but sweet kiss and you’re the one pulling away from it this time. You smack your lips together and smooth your hands up his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck. Jungkook is looking down at you so sweetly, your heart is starting to hurt. 

“Let’s get inside,” you suggest, and Jungkook nods, gathering his stuff and walking into the house after you. “Have you eaten?” you ask after locking the door, while Jungkook takes his shoes off. 

“No, I’m more tired than hungry,” Jungkook tells you while ruffling his fluffy hair. It makes you smile just knowing he is here with you again and a few days before he was supposed to be home anyways. Jungkook looks at you when noticing your silence and raises an eyebrow. This is when he really takes the time to realize what you’re wearing. “Are those my sweats?” he asks, amusement laced in his tone and you quickly heat up, arms wrapping around yourself.

“No!” you’re quick to say but Jungkook is already hugging you again, muttering about how cute you are. You shove him away slightly, grumbling under your breath and pulling the hood over your head. Jungkook kisses your forehead before grabbing his things and shuffling up the stairs.

“Come back down when you’re done!” you shout up after him and he makes a noise of agreement back. You walk to the kitchen and take out a bottle of water, sitting at the island and going to take your phone out of your pocket when realizing you left it upstairs. You stand up and make a move to go get it until your eyes catch sight of your backyard.

You walk towards the sliding doors and slide it open, stepping out into the clear night. There was a gentle breeze passing through the warm summer air and you pocket your hands in the pockets of the sweatpants that are way too big on you.

It was the stars that caught your attention from inside the kitchen. The way they were sparkling and glistening so brightly in the sky made you smile, and admire them. You weren’t sure how long you were standing there but when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind you, you blinked out of your trance. 

“What are you doing out here?” Jungkook whispers against your neck, pressing a light kiss there which sends shivers down your spine. 

“The stars are beautiful,” you respond in a soft voice, and Jungkook hums. His chin rests on your shoulder and your hands lay over his. It’s a beautiful night and the breeze knocks Jungkook’s heavenly smell into you. Leaning back into his chest, Jungkook kisses both of your cheeks.

He then grabs at your waist gently and turns you around in his hold so he can see your face. You notice his change of clothes and any makeup that was left on his face is now off. Jungkook sways the two of you again but you take it upon yourself to start moving. 

The two of you dance around your backyard with happy smiles on your faces and at one point Jungkook starts to sing. It’s soft and low but it’s enough, it’s enough for your eyes to tear up and for you to lean up and kiss him hard. The dancing slows but doesn’t stop as the kiss picks up, passionate, and filled with so many unspoken promises. You grip at his shoulders and he squeezes your hips, pulling you closer to him. 

When the rain starts to pour, neither of you move. You hold onto each other tightly and Jungkook moves his head back, breaking the kiss. It’s a happy laugh that sounds through the air and your tears spill over when noticing he’s crying, even though the rain. 

“I missed you,” Jungkook admits, his voice shaky and your heart fills. “And I love you, so much Y/N, I will never leave you, okay? It’s always me and you, forever. I’m still with you.”

His words echo in your head beautifully. His teary eyes look at you which such fondness and with so much love, you know he is being honest with you. You’re not sure where this is coming from but you don’t hesitate to kiss him again, but this time slower. You two move together perfectly and your trembling lips make you pull apart. 

“I love you, Jungkook,” you say to him and Jungkook bites his trembling lip to keep from crying. The rain is starting to pour harder but neither of you care. “Always,” you assure with a small smile. The volume of your voice was a bit loud due to the heaviness of the rain but Jungkook heard you loud and clear. 

After the heartfelt moment outside, you two scurry back inside and rid of your clothes immediately, dropping it at the laundry room and as you’re drying your hair, Jungkook speaks.

“You know we just kissed in the rain right?”

“And there goes the moment.”

[sludgesoup-archive]

allow me to vent for a moment

i know i work the least and so it seems fair to me that i do all the cleaning but. like it doesnt kill people to be careful about making things in the kitchen adn cleaning up after themselves and stackign the dishwasher as they go bc. i really get to my limit when one day i got alone i clean the kitchen and then the next day i come downstairs and its a mess and theres dishes sitting in the sink that could be in the dishwasher and things are left out that could be put away and no one (always my mother) has cleaned up after themselves. like my sister hardly ever eats in the kitchen/etc she goes out a lot and visits her bf a lot and like. i dont blame her ! sometimes i feel trapped like. i feel like a wild fuckin animal in a tiny cage and im being poked with a stick and my mother is so fuckin lucky neither of us have snapped at her tbh. like my sister has all the fuckin restraint in the world to not go off bc. she does so much. shes basically my mum she looks after me etc actually is sober when i talk to her and has her shit somewhat together. like none of us have our shit entirely together but it wouldnt kill my mum to try and get help or something. and neither me or my sister know what to do cos we r emtotionally stunted stupid clueless babies in the worst way and our mother likes to act like thats not her fault. every day shes home i wake up and its hot and like. that isnt her fault but it doesnt help w my mood then i got down stairs its always a mess and shes drunk or getting there its like 10 am .... and im like oh ok one of these days huh :-) and i just ignore her and try not to flip out and do something to myself. i really wanna do something to show my sister how much she means to me but idki  i dont wanna bother her. like seeing her even once or twice a week keeps me sane tbh and just talking to her and i feel like i give her nothing in return. i feel so bad about that and im like. she takes me out for lunch and shit all the time and i feel like i have nothing to give her in return. 

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[jjkfire]

Wrapped Around; pt. 2.5

Jimin x Reader x Tae // College!AU // 3990 words

Summary: Freshman year was a mess and sophomore year doesn’t seem to be looking too good either. You know boys like them are no good for you but maybe they’re just your kind of type

Genre: Fluff, Smut

A/N: wow I’m so bad at updating, I’m so sorry ahahah. This is a small portion bc I needed to split up what I’ve already written and I’m not sure when I’ll finish the actual part 3 bc I have mid-terms next week! I feel super bad for making y’all wait so... this is roughly (4000/11000 words i’ve written). It ain’t much but ya know don’t hate me pls haha.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Previously...

You run your hands up and down your neck in horror as you see matching dark marks on your neck. What are these? Who did this? Just what the fuck happened last night? Did fucking Jimin— Son of a bitch.

You run to your door, pulling it open hurriedly just so you can catch him but Jimin had made a quick escape.

You slam the door shut, searching instead for your phone. You call him once, twice and he doesn’t pick up… which is odd since he’s practically glued to his phone like all the time. You let out an annoyed groan and settled on texting him instead, fingers furiously tapping at the screen as you typed out your message.

[1:09] You: Jimin what the fuck happened last night?

[1:09] You: how am I even going to hide these marks?

[1:09] You: why couldn’t you just keep your nasty mouth to yourself?

[1:10] You: answer me asshole

[1:10] You: I know you’re reading these

[1:10] You: you’re on your damn phone all the time when we’re doing the quizzes

You wait 5, 10, 15 minutes and there’s still no reply. You go to the bathroom for a quick shower and run to your phone immediately after getting dressed and still no reply. You examine the marks once again and you rest your head on the wall, grumbling at yourself for having too much alcohol the night before.

Even with a scarf, you couldn’t cover the marks that ran all the way to your jawline. You apply a generous amount of foundation and concealer, hoping to hide the petals of blue and purple but you could still see a hint of colour even after slathering on what seems like almost half the bottle of foundation onto your neck. Frustrated, you simply shove the last of your belongings into your bag and make your way to the library.

The throbbing headache you had made it very difficult for you to concentrate on the books you had in front of you. Despite sleeping till 1 pm, you still felt exhausted and you promise yourself to never have that much alcohol again. You sigh, this was starting to sound like what you used to tell yourself every week last semester.

After finishing the last section of your lab report, you allow yourself to take a quick 20-minute nap because honestly you could barely keep your eyes open anyway. You check your phone again, you’re still waiting on Jimin’s reply but your lock screen still comes up blank. Placing your phone to the side, you sink down comfortably into your chair and rest your head on your arms. You will your mind to remember the events of last night but the moment you shut your eyes, you simply drift to sleep.

Your night comes back to you in the form of tiny flashes, simple snippets, each one making you regret the night more and more. The short flashbacks are not in order and it isn’t enough for you to build a coherent timeline of what was your exciting Friday night but they were truly enough to make you feel like flinging yourself across the room.

Drink, bitches!!!

You remember challenging your friend to a drinking contest, downing way too many shots of tequila. You’re surprised you hadn’t thrown up at all or perhaps you did and you didn’t remember. If that’s the case then good, at least you had one less reason to hate yourself for going overboard last night.

Fuck, Y/N I love it when you wear this dress

You remember the god awful dance contest you had with Taehyung which ended with the both of you practically dry humping each other on the dancefloor. You cringe at that memory and mentally add tequila to the list of drinks to never drink again. Your hand absentmindedly runs over the marks on your neck. So that’s who gave you these. You lightly rest your forehead on the table, the feeling of pure embarrassment running through your body. It’s alright, you hope Taehyung doesn’t remember any of this. Even if he does, the both of you will do what you guys always do, pretend it never happened.

You’re too drunk, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into

You remember straddling Jimin, nipping harshly at his neck as your hands ran down the expanse of his body. You remember trying to unbuckle his belt and him stopping you. Oh God. You shake your head furiously, trying to forget the rest of it and now you wished you hadn’t tried to remember what had happened last night at all.

You check your phone, going through your camera roll to delete at least 50 blurry pictures (most of which are just pictures of your feet or the floor to be honest) of last night, wanting absolutely no reminders of the train wreck that you were. You stop scrolling midway when you remember the texts you sent Jimin just a few hours ago and you repeatedly hit your head on the table in frustration after reading what you had sent him.

Jimin is never going to let you live this one down, you know he isn’t… so, you send him a few more texts hoping that he would turn a blind eye to the events of last night. Basically, you were hoping for a miracle.

[3:27] You: nvm I think I rmb what happened last night

[3:27] You: im… sorry

[3:27] You: let’s just pretend last night didn’t happen

[3:27] You: yeah?

[3:27] You: yeah

[3:28] You: thanks

[3:28] You: u da best

You put away your phone partly because you needed to get back to studying but mostly because this time you’re dreading to see his reply. Systematically, you work down your to-do list, slowly ticking things off as you completed each assignment. 

When you tick of the final task, you look up to see that the sun was already setting. You gather your belongings, pushing them into your bag as you mentally pat yourself on the back for getting all that work done despite the killer hangover you were experiencing at the moment.

Walking back to your residence hall, you pull out your phone and your heart drops when Jimin’s name graces your lock screen. You tap on the message notification hesitantly, not really wanting to know what his reply was because knowing him, it’s probably some smart ass comment.

[3:42] Jimin: apology not accepted asshole

[3:42] Jimin: what am I going to do about the marks on my neck hmm?

[3:42] Jimin: and no, I want to discuss last night

[3:42] Jimin: because man

[3:42] Jimin: didn’t know you were that into me nerd

You practically snort aloud when you read his reply. Ugh, this cocky son of a bitch.

[6:30] You: wow

[6:30] You: im not into you doucheface

[6:31] You: I was drunk

You type the rest of your message with one hand as you pull open the door to your residence hall, pausing in the lobby to fully type out a message to defend yourself.

“You know, they say drunk actions are sober thoughts.”

You jump in shock upon hearing Jimin’s voice and he laughs as he skips down the last few steps of the stairs. What kind of luck was this? To get back at exactly the same time he was leaving? It was like the universe just wanted to watch you die from embarrassment. You clear your throat and push your phone into your pocket, trying to appear indifferent… as if seeing him in front of you didn’t make you feel like hiding in a hole.

“Who said that?” You snort. “I call bullshit… so yeah no, not into you.”

“That’s funny,” He laughs, standing in front of you with his arms crossed, staring down at you. “You tried unbuckling my pants… twice… I would say that meant you pretty much wanted me.”

Your cheeks heat up upon hearing the sentence. You’re very aware of what had happened last night but hearing him say it out loud just made it worse.

“I was drunk,” You sigh. “You know drunk? As in was not thinking straight? Anyway, I’m not me when I’ve had tequila okay?”

“Excuses, excuses,” He says dismissively. “You don’t have to—“

“Look can we just stop talking about this, please?” You ask, gaze fixed on the floor because you don’t think you can look him in the face right now.

“No,” He smiles.

You groan in annoyance, gaze still fixed downwards as you choose to walk past him and through the set of doors that led to the rooms on the first floor of your dorm. Jimin follows closely behind you, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable this situation was for you.

“Aw nerd,” He giggles. “Are you feeling down? Because I can feel you up,” He smirks.

“Gross,” You say as you roll your eyes at him. “Do girls actually respond to that?”

“Yes they do, thank you very much,” He answers snobbishly. “Don’t worry nerd, I’ve got one that’s more your style.”

“And what exactly is my style?”

He clears his throat, a devious smirk on his face and you already know you’re not going to enjoy this at all.

“Can I be your enzyme? Because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.”

“Christ, that was horrible,” You scoff, shaking your head in distaste.

“Maybe you’d like something more specific?”

“Nope, please just don’t,” You say putting your index finger to his lips to make him stop.

“I wish I was the enzyme helicase so I can unzip your genes.”

You purse your lips, trying not to let your smile show but Jimin knows better. He wags his eyebrows at you and you bring your hand up to your mouth, adding an awkward cough because you didn’t want him to think this was actually working.

“Oh my god, I’m going to barf,” You say, feigning disgust. “I’m just— yeah no,” You say with finality as you begin to walk away from him.

“I’m not done yet! Come back here!” You hear him shout, his heavy footsteps echoing down the hallway as he tries to catch up and you pick up speed, hoping to reach your door soon.

He chases after you, holding you in a light headlock when he reaches you and you giggle as you try to get him to release you.

“Jimin, stop!” You say between laughs as you claw at his arms. “I don’t want to hear another one.”

“But I saved the best one for last!” He laughs in return and you cover your ears with your hands, hoping to spare yourself from another one of his cringe-worthy lines.

He giggles, using his free hand, he pulls your hand away from your ear so he could whisper his final line.

“If I was an endoplasmic reticulum? How would you want me? Rough or smooth?”

You bite down on your bottom lip, trying to stifle a laugh but you can’t help it this time. He stares at your face and you look away, biting down on your lip harder in an effort to hold in your laughs as best as you can.

Your stifled laughs comes out in the form of cute snorts instead and you burst out in laughter soon after along with Jimin. He releases you in favour of wiping his own tears of laughter away and the two of you stand there, cracking up again each time the laughter starts to die out.

“Okay, not gonna lie but that one was pretty smart,” You say, laughing through your nose. “Is this what you do with your intro bio knowledge? Make greasy ass pick-up lines?”

He nods proudly, smiling down at you suggestively and you scowl at him.

“Anyway, I hope to God you don’t actually use those lines because they were atrocious.”

“Don’t lie nerd… You liked them and you know it,” He winks.

“Did not.”

“Did too!”

At this point, you’ve had enough so you only roll your eyes at him. You were simply too lazy to argue with him so you wave your hand at him dismissively as you begin to walk away. He smiles to himself, taking large steps to catch up to you.

“So…” He begins. “Smooth or rough? You didn’t answer,” He says with a smug look on his face.

You stop in your tracks and Jimin bumps into you lightly. He wags his eyebrows at you again when you turn to face him, amused that his tactics were working on you. You smile innocently before you step closer towards him, inching forward at an achingly slow pace. Two can play this game. Why should he have all the fun?

You hum and furrow your eyebrows slightly, pretending that you were actually thinking about the answer to his question. Jimin’s smirk widens, he didn’t think you’d actually tell him but if you were going to, he sure didn’t mind. You rest your body on his slightly, resting one hand on his shoulder while letting your index finger trail suggestively down the middle of his chest. You look up to see that smug smile of his suddenly disappear and you let the edges of your lips curl up into a smirk.

His eyes were now wide and lips pulled taut as he watched your every move with interest. You laugh internally at the sight. Who knew he’d be this easy to mess with? You move closer and you see Jimin still completely, his hands twitching nervously at his side.

He watches as you tilted your head to the side, your cheek barely touching his. He opens his mouth to say something, to ask you what you were doing but he felt his mind go completely blank when your fingers curled around the side of his neck softly.

You felt him shiver as your lips ghost the shell of his ear and you smirked, knowing full well that you had rendered him speechless. You hover above his ear, watching him grow increasingly impatient and confused.

Just when Jimin finally got his brain to build a coherent sentence, he feels your hot breath against his ear as you whisper your answer.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You ask before you pull away to wink at him.

You almost laugh at the expression on his face and you wonder if this is what you had looked like earlier in the day when he had said the same thing to you. You walk away from him, fully expecting him to run up to you to reply with a witty comment but when you turn back, you see him standing there, completely stunned and you laugh once again. Looks like the resident playboy wasn’t as suave as everyone made him out to be.

“I’ll see you around,” You say, waving him goodbye and you see him wave his middle finger at you with a sarcastic smile on his face. You smile, returning the gesture towards him before you disappear into your room. 

In the comfort of your room, you pat yourself on your back, a large smile on your face. Rendering Jimin speechless was truly a feat considering how he’d never stop talking once the sleazy part of him decides to appear. You smiled to yourself, it felt good to finally put him in his place, to give him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he’d think twice before he tried anything on you again.

Physics, physics, physics. The bane of your existence. Your mind drifts in and out of lecture and you focus just in time to catch your lecturer writing down a new formula on the board. You’re not sure why you choose to sit in the first few rows if you never really pay attention to the lecture anyway. Actually, you’re not sure why you even choose to attend this lecture in the first place if you gained nothing out of it in general. Perhaps it made you feel better, like attending a boring lecture in itself was already an accomplishment.

When the bell rings and the professor rushes through his closing remarks, you finally snap back to reality. The sound of collective rustling urges you to begin packing your belongings too and so you do, dropping things into your bag at a snail like pace. As you put away your stationary slowly, you see Jimin making his way down the row to where you were sitting out of the corner of your eye.

“Nerd, can I see your notes later I—“

“Oh hey guys!” Jinyoung, one of the guys in your discussion section greets. His smile quickly fades and he narrows his eyes before pointing at the both of you. “Wait, hold up…” He says as he scrutinizes the marks on your neck and you tug your turtleneck higher, trying to hide them. “Ayy, looks like the both of you finally did it,” He laughs and you look over to see that Jimin hadn’t even bothered to wear a scarf to shield his neck from prying eyes.

“Oh my god, no,” You laugh as you wave your hands about in disagreement. “It’s really not what you think.”

“She’s right,” Jimin says, nodding and you exhale a sigh of relief, glad that he hadn’t decided to say anything stupid this time. “Whatever you think happened… think the same but 10x kinkier,” He smirks.

Son of a bitch

“Wait, what??”

“Nice!” Jinyoung exclaims as he nods approvingly. You watch as Jinyoung fist bumps Jimin and holds out his hand to high five you. You smack it away immediately.

“No! what the hell Jimin? Stop telling lies!”

“Lies?” He asks. “So are you saying this isn’t your handiwork?” He questions while pointing to the marks on his neck.

“I-I… ok fine yes that was me but this wasn’t you and—“

“No way,” Jinyoung interrupts, eyes wide and mouth agape, completely amazed. “So it was a threesome?”

Jimin merely winks and the boy high fives him. You put your hand in the way, attempting to stop them and Jimin is practically snorting at how flustered you looked at this moment.

“No, that’s not—“ You begin, trying hard to deny his statement but you stop mid-sentence, deciding instead to just sink into your seat because it wasn’t worth your time to try and disprove Jimin’s statement. You lick your lips in frustration and scoff at the situation, choosing only to continue packing your bag before walking out of the lecture hall. Jimin calls you by his endearing nickname for you but you ignore him, adjusting the straps on your backpack before turning around to leave.

Jimin chases after you, tugging you backwards by your bag just before you reach the exit of the lecture hall.

“Look, I’m sorry nerd,” He frowns. “It was just a joke, Jinyoung knows that.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You say dismissively.

He turns you around to peer at your face and you simply frown at him.

“I mean it though, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know,” You sigh. “I’m not upset… it’s just been a long day and I’m just being moody, sorry.”

“No, I mean I—“

“Listen, I have to go right now,” You interrupt as you glance at your phone to look at the time. “I’ll see you around yeah?” You say as you begin walking away from him. He hears you shout another quick sorry and he’s left standing there, feeling bad about how he had probably made your day worse.

Jimin doesn’t see you for the rest of the week and the weekend too. He feels horrible and he’s worried that he’d totally blown it with that stupid joke. He sends you a few texts to apologize again for it but you reply with smileys telling him it’s totally fine and that you really were just having a bad day that day. Over text, he can’t tell if you’re lying like you always do when you say ‘I’m fine’.

[4:37] You: Hey, I can’t make it to quiz night tomorrow because I have a group project ):

[4:37] You: But I’ve done the quiz and I sent you the answers through email

[4:37] You: At least attempt it yourself before looking at the answers yeah?

[4:42] Jimin: Lame… ditch the group project

[4:42] Jimin: You know I’m more fun to hang out with

[4:42] Jimin: Jk but thanks for the answers and yeah of course I’ll attempt the quiz myself first

[4:43] Jimin: Who do you think I am?

[4:43] You: You’re Jimin which means you’d try to get away with doing the least amount of work possible

[4:43] Jimin: Rude

[4:43] Jimin: Completely untrue

[4:43] Jimin: I’m quite possibly the most studious person you know

[4:45] You: Sure, whatever you say haha

[4:45] Jimin: It’s true ok

[4:45] Jimin: But seriously thanks for the answers

Jimin’s thumbs hover over the enter button as he contemplates sending out his next few sentences. He didn’t want you to think he was too concerned about you, because he wasn’t or at least that’s what he told himself.

Sighing, he locks his screen and sets down his phone. He looks away for a second then exhales a frustrated huff before picking it back up immediately to send the messages anyway.

[4:48] Jimin: Also nerd

[4:48] Jimin: You sure you’re alright?

[4:48] Jimin: Don’t work yourself too hard yeah?

[4:49] You: Haha I’m fine doucheface, don’t worry

I’m fine

He sighs as he reads those two words.

I’m fine, you’d always say when he asked if you were alright but he knew that you weren’t. You weren’t taking care of yourself, he could see that clearly. You had shed a few pounds since the beginning of the semester and the eye bags under your eyes seemed to grow darker with every time he saw you. He often hears you shift uncomfortably in your sleep, whining to yourself under your breath and he holds you tighter hoping that somehow he could help lull you to sleep but he knows that doesn’t work. You needed to talk it out but you always brushed him away. You never wanted to talk about the state of your mental health, that you had made clear to him. You had shot down every attempt Jimin had made at asking you about how you were truly feeling so, he only nods understandingly and bites back the comments that were waiting on the tip of his tongue.

The second week comes around and before he could catch you at the end of lecture, you disappear out of the hall. Never mind, I’ll see her at discussion, he tells himself but you never showed. He shouldn’t be this worried. He really shouldn’t be concerned when you’ve told him multiple times now that you were alright but he can’t seem to shake off the feeling of uneasiness that sat uncomfortably at the bottom of his chest when he thought about you.

He takes longer naps in your room, hoping to catch you when you come back from your classes but he never finds you there. He even decided to do his homework in your room, falling asleep after watching the latest episode of that Netflix show that the both of you usually watched together. He didn’t quite enjoy the episode even though it was as exhilarating as the others. It just didn’t feel quite right… watching it without you.

In the morning, he wakes up to find that you hadn’t returned to your room and he frowns to himself because you had probably slept over at the library again. He wonders if he should search the library for you later and drag you back to your room. If you continued like this, you would probably crash and burn before the end of the semester.

For someone who was just a friend quiz partner, he definitely worried about you a bit too much. God, he hated how you occupied most of his thoughts half the time. He pushed himself hard at training that day, wanting his mind to stop worrying about you but as soon as he steps out of the boathouse, his mind drifted back to the thought of you. To put it quite frankly, he misses you and that was a problem because he really shouldn’t be. You were meant to be someone he’d use to get good grades and if all went according to plan, you were going to be a simple hump and dump but hell, he hadn’t even slept with you yet and he was already so hung up on you.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

A/N: love my bio nerd jokes pls. took a lot of brain power to incorporate them. p.s: this is like 100% unedited, forgive me. FORGIVE ME.

[livingllz-blog]

Dec 1: Frats are Trash (Part 2)

(N) After leaving the house show, we walk to Beta Theta Pi. Apparently they let the first 75 people in for free whether they’re guys or girls. This is so brilliant!! None of those idiot ratios or making guys pay too much money. First come, first serve. Walking into the basement, I see the love of my life (R). He lives on my floor and is the most adorable dude I’ve ever seen in my entire life and let me explain. He is the type of cute that I wanna pinch his cheeks. Since welcome week, I’ve been telling my friends and roommates I’ve wanted to do this. And only now have I had the opportunity. We have a streak on snapchat and we greet each other so we know of each other and it’s a passing friendship. But he comes up and says hi, and that’s when I make my move. I ask to pinch his cheeks and at first he’s confused and giggly, but then he agrees. AND IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY IT’S ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS IVE EVER DONE. I don’t even care if I sound crazy but then I ask how he feels about being brotherzoned. He’s just so cute I wanna hug him and tell him all my secrets. I could never imagine myself being sexually attracted to him, he’s just so cute! AND GET THIS: HE AGREES. And then hugs me again and says he’s now my little brother since his birthday is after mine. I already have a real younger brother, but I’m happy to say now I have two.

While at this party, I see my potential roommate (K) for next year. Nothing’s been set in stone but I had her meet my two other friends (N) and (D) who I would love to room w next year. But now at this party, she introduces us as her future roommates and me especially. Girl. We haven’t fully decided anything yet.. so I just nod and smile but we really need to come back to that. She spends a lot of time w her bf, during the day and at the party. At one point, she’s just standing next to us making out w him. (N) and I are both kind of awkwarded out and decide to revisit this rooming thing. “I want a roommate who will choose her friends over her bf” -(N) and I feel the same way. 

Next, we hit up Apple Pi. Before tonight, (N) and I had met this dude in the frat named (M), who let us know about the party. We walk in w about 7 girls and 1 dude. As soon as we walk in, this douche goes “your guy friend needs to leave”. Our ratio is crazy good and he has to leave?? Are you kidding me. Why are you not confident enough about your dick size to let this guy be your competition. Like come onnn. So idk what happened to that guy. But (N) and I left for 5 mins to walk to another party and when we turn around we realize we’re all alone. Where did everyone go?? Turns out the douche at the door went downstairs so we go back, they give us bracelets (bc we’re obviously 21+) and we sneak downstairs. 

I’m already kinda pissed we almost didn’t get let in esp since it was after 12am. On my way down the stairs, I see a wallet. I pull (N) aside and we sneak about $60 (the next morning, I find out we actually got $100) and drop the wallet elsewhere. 

There’s no cute guys here, no one to dance w, only drinks are beer and mangoritas (which are extremely underrated bc they taste AMAZING and are so fruity w like no alc in it) so we decide to leave because we have other addresses. On our way out, a dude asks to dance w me. Sorry mate, you’re a bit too late. 

We walk down the street to Pi Kappa Phi. After getting to the basement, we see a lot of girls dancing but the frat bros just standing next to the walls. There’s like two guys in the mix and they’re only there to grind hard on girls. Wonderful. (N) and I go to grab some juice from the coolers they have out and there’s a lot of it, but it literally tastes like water. It is later revealed in the football sized cooler, there is only one handle. So basically they’re hella cheap and it’s so watered down it’s crazy. (N) is as frustrated as I am and chugs her whole cup while I continue to sip my water to I guess stay hydrated BOI.

Then we go and dance. I end up talking to a dude that’s wearing a vineyard vines collared shirt *rolls eyes*. I tease him about that and we get to talking about other things, more talking than dancing. He’s pretty polite and cool. I later learn his name is (L) and he’s 21. He’s also the VICE PRESIDENT of the frat. Damn. Good for you man. We dance for a bit but once I run out of my drink, and he leaves (probably to get more for us), I decide this is my time to yeet out of the situation and go back to my friends. I see him looking for me later and now that I’m thinking about it, I wish I had talked to him more. He did not seem like a douchey frat guy (at first I guess). Maybe I’ll see him again. I do go to PI Kap a lot. 

Then, my friend starts saying she could throw up, but won’t immediately. That’s code for get her to a bathroom and have some water ready. So I take her upstairs to the bathroom and she pulls the trigger. She throws up maybe about 12 times and a lot comes up. IG since we moved from party to party and had to drop our drinks before leaving, we just chugged them and that did not sit well w her. She continues to throw up a lot but then slows down and gets sleepy. I don’t want her to pass out in a frat and I can’t take her back to her dorm by herself so I quickly walk out to find someone I know in the frat that can help. I see (E) (a pledge in the frat I met during their halloween party) and practically drag him upstairs to the bathroom w me. He sees her situation and immediately tells her to continue throwing up until she feels fully better. 

But then, this kid starts pulling some shit. He puts his arm around me, then it goes around my waist and then he slides his hand lower until it’s on my ass. I look at him like WTF are you doing bc we’re supposed to be taking care of her. He only says sorry and puts his hand back on my waist. While my friend continues to throw up or drink water, he tries to kiss me, grab my ass more, try and feel me up while being flirty. I’m not gonna lie and say it wasn’t nice to flirt but it really was not the time. And I tell him that “this is not the right time or place”. And his response is “I can’t help it, you’re so beautiful” *ROLLS EYES* What a frat bro. Then he pulls out his phone and starts taking pictures of me (not selfies) and vides on snapchat and saves them to his phone. At one point someone knocks on the door and I walk over to tell them to politely use another bathroom and this kid took a video of me walking to the door and is rewatching it on snapchat. He goes “damnnn look at that ass”. He tries to slap my ass twice but honestly misses. I’ve realized guys have really bad aim? Bc he isn’t the first guy to miss. My friend is literally throwing up not 2 feet from us and you can’t keep it in your pants. But I can’t tell him to leave since I need him to help walk her back so I suck it up and continue on putting up w it. While waiting, he spams her phone w selfies and I get in some of them. They’re actually not the worst pictures ever. I hated myself for saying that. 

Then. I realize none of us live in her building. There’s no way she can sign us in. So I call 3 different people who don’t pick up who live in her residence hall. Finally someone picks up and says he can help take care of her since they are such good friends. A sigh of relief escapes my mouth. Thank goodness. (D) arrives not a few minutes later to our rescue. He helps her up and slowly walks her out of the house. And right when it’s not appropriate, (E) slaps my ass. His only excuse is “sorry I couldn’t help myself”. We walk (N) back and I tell (D) to contact me if he needs anything and I bid them a good night. 

(E) texts me and asks if (N) was okay. I tell him she’s safe and fine back in her room. Then he tells me to go to his residence hall. My response is simply “I can’t” and he says “well I still wanna fuck you”. Boys am I right. I bid him a good night, take a couple sips of water and pass tf out. What a night. What a long ass but fun for the most part night.