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#im not gonna survive today
spacebugarts · 9 months
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Y'know what being undiagnosed your whole life feels like being part of a stage play you didn't sign up for and have never heard of, and the director gives you nothing but a slip of paper with your character's name on it while everyone else is reading off of their scripts, and when you ask him why you didn't get one he just shrugs and says
"I can't help you, its not my fault you didn't learn your part."
And when you ask anyone else they're like
"um, don't you have one? You should already know this anyways, everyone knows that part, it's easy."
So you're just wandering around the stage doing improv, trying not to bump into anyone, and wondering why it's so hard to keep up because everyone else says you should be able to :/
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soupandflowers · 4 months
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im going insane im going insane im going insane
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JAPAN CALLS CHINA TO THE STAND!!!!!
THAT MEANS THIS IS FINALLY BEING ADDRESSED (credit: verusmayaii on twitter)
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CHINA VS JAPAN CHAPTER NEXT WEEK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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crows-of-buckets · 2 months
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Just remembered there's not gonna be any guides when Veilguard drops... My actions are actually gonna have consequences this is terrifying
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who want me
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kosmogrl · 2 years
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had to leave my house while it was raining. 3 dead 15 injured
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sunny12th · 2 years
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just thinking about cripples, bastards, and broken things. these kids that, by all rights and logic, should've died long ago. bran crawling to his destiny with the weight of House Stark on his shoulders. dany dragging herself through the red waste, holding doreah and loving her til she's gone, and carrying a dynasty with her. jon climbing the wall and climbing his way up the ranks of the nights watch, climbing his way into friendships and family and not letting himself look back at the ones he left behind until he has to because it's arya.
bran looking back because looking forward is terrifying, so he looks for his family in anyway he can (through trees and dreams and wolves). he cries out for them, others answer. bran moving forward by any means necessary, 'our road is north,' because what else is there to do as a prince without a kingdom, a boy without a home. dany, 'if I look back I am lost', looking back at the trail of cripples, bastards, and broken things that have left everything they know to follow her, looking back at herself and hating what she sees, looking back and seeing herself in rhaegar's armor. dany looking forward and seeing chains and collars and saying 'I can do something about this, I will do something about this.'
jon 'kill the boy, let the man be born,' he kills the boy and is killed at 16. and dany never getting to be a girl, never had a choice between girlhood and whatever was needed/desired by others. she is sold at 13, mother at 14, widowed at 14, the last the last of her house at 14, conquerer at 15. bran falls, breaks, and flies at 7.
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marsixm · 2 months
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being the houston mutual means every couple years i just log on like 'hey whats up just experiencing a natural disaster down here. im fine tho'
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send-me-a-puffalope · 3 months
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hey so
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IM BITING YOU IM BITING YOU FINN IM BITING YOU. THE MOVIE NOVEL WILL NEVER FUCKING STOP DRIVING ME INSANE. WDYM VANESSA SAID "IM SORRY DADDY" AFTER HER DAD DROVE A KNIFE THROUGH HER STOMACH WDYNMMMMMMMMMMMMM SCOTT CAWTHON WHEN I GET MY FUCKINNNNGGG HANDS UPON YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
it drives me batshit insane that Vanessa is downright terrified of this man, to the point where she literally has a panic attack in the police outpost (in the movie novel) when confronted with having to go face to face against her father yet up until she saves Mike, she's still working with her father. Not only because it's her only option and she's stuck in the cage he put her in but also because some part of her is holding onto the idea that her father loves her. In some fucked up way, he loves her and so she stays. And she comes back to him again and again, no matter how many times he hurts her.
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coridallasmultipass · 5 months
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Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.
You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.
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enha-stars · 5 months
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i hate when people ask me stupid questions 😭 use your common sense bro, PLEASE.
“hey, are you using that?” as i’m using that. “are you busy?” after i’ve texted them that i am, indeed, busy. “is this yours?” as i’m holding onto it. “are you done eating?” as i’m clearly not done eating because i’m still chewing, spoon in hand, and rice on the plate.
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while i dont like dream myself and tend to stay away from the main group he hangs out with now (whatever he's even doing these days idk i dont keep up), it baffles me when ppl are like "i dont watch (x) bc they've talked to dream / they're friends with friends of his / etc" like. do you know how many people he's talked to. do you know how many friends of friends he has. most of the popular guys are probably two degrees of separation from him at best 😭
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my dm broke my boy (dnd character) in the most horrible and gut wrenching ways (it was the most delicious thing you wouldnt believe it) this most recent session (it ended like five hours ago) and i cant think about anything else. brain is like an angry hornet nest help
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 5 months
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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
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zackcharine · 7 days
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FINALLY HOME AUGHH O-(-(
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rubiesintherough · 8 months
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#gonna try to do some writing today but motivation is real low.#i guess that's what happens when you get called stupid useless and lazy to your face by someone who then expects you#to bow and scrape and wait on them hand and foot#and also now im expected to pay the electric bill on top of doing all the housework. literally all of it. in a home of 3#fucking adults. and bow im also the one having to handle a lot of maintenance work around the place on top of keeping#it spotless bc no one else 'feels like doing it'#and the whole time i get to be insulted and told that im fat. stupid. lazy. while im cleajing up their messes. and fixing stuff for them.#and doing a bunch of cooking bc they get pissy if i dont also feed them on top of doing literally all the housework. and maintenance work.#and also now being expected to pay half the electric bill. again house of 3 people. and im not even allowed to take a hot shower when i need#to in order to get the pain spikes under control from yknow. flaring up my fibro from overworking myself CLEANING AND TAKING CARE OF THE#DAMN HOUSE FOR THEM#bc it takes too much electricity. the electricity i mostly paid for last month#sorry i needed to get that out#suicide tw#abuse tw#not me debating offing myself bc theres no end in sight and no way out and i cant keep going from one abusive situation to another#and just trying to survive. almost 30 yrs old and ive never once felt safe or at home anywhere ive ever lived. not once. in almost 30#years have i ever felt safe. or like im my own person. or that im valued. or wanted. or listened to. not once in almost 30 years#have i ever felt like im actually loved (wanted) beyond my usefullness.#shit sucks man. anyway sorry for the spam of negativity lately. im not trying to be a downer.#gonna go hang out in my inbox for a while and see if anything pops out that my muses wanna jump on 🤞
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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