#my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru

[coridallasmultipass]

Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.

You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.

[poppy-metal]

Demure

Wc: 4k

Pairing: eren jaeger x reader

Cw: car sex, fingering, emphasis on reader being innocent and a virgin. reader is armins little sister. corruption kink

you're 6 years old when you first meet eren jaeger. apparently he'd run off some people that were bullying you big brother, armin. you admire him and mikasa immediately.

you're 8 and he's 11 when you get a scrape on your knee from playing tag. eren runs into your mothers bathroom to fish out the first aid-kit, you know he just doesn't want you to tattle, you never would anyway, but he pulls out a pink band-aid with little ariels all over it and places it gently over the cut. he stays there for a few beats, soothing the skin around the hurt area with his thumbs. his big bright green eyes look up at you, "better?" and that's the first time your heart skips for a boy.

you're 11 and he's 14 when armin starts becoming protective. "he's had like. 5 girlfriends in middle school, who knows what he's gonna be like in high-school"

it intrigue you, for some reason.

you're 13 and he's 16 when he taps furiously on your window at night, wild eyed and wearing a t-shirt and sweats. he falls ungracefully on his ass when you let him in, though he grins at you from the floor. "thanks, squirt"

you wince at the nickname, knowing it solidifies you as someone only platonic to him. armins little sister and nothing more. "what's this all about?"

he gets up and swipes imaginary dust off his sweats, looking around your room. its absurdly girly. he picks up one of your plushies and tosses it up, then catches it, peering over at you and grinning. "i hope you never change," he sighs and flops down onto your pink sheets. "girls my age are fucking psychos"

you creep closer to him, snatching your plush back. "im sure there's something you're leaving out there. im not completely dumb, you know"

he waves his hand, "yeah but you're....i don't know? innocent or whatever. you don't care about shit like boys and drama"

i do care about boys, you think, watching the way his shirt rides up to expose a hint of tan skin. you look away, squeezing your plush to your chest. "im gonna grow up eventually, ren"

he sighs and sits up, looking at you from under his ridiculously cute floppy brown hair. "Just promise me you won't go boy crazy"

you roll your eyes and sit down next to him, he leans in and licks a broad stripe against your cheek with his tongue, grinning "we have cooties"

you swat at him and wipe your cheek, groaning and calling him gross. "i know that. you and armin never let me forget how gross boys are", you side eye him. "what did you even do? really?"

he looks to the side, only now having it in him to look the least bit sheepish, "my girlfriend may have caught me with my hand down historias skirt..."

"EREN JAEGER!!!"

yeah, boys really are gross. but not eren, no he's beautiful and magical and makes you feel all the fluttery things. but he's also a player, a bad boy, dangerous and completely off limits. maybe your crush should have ended there, but of course it didn't.

You're 15 when you go on your first date with a boy. until now you haven’t allowed yourself to even think about men outside of the enigma that is eren jaeger, but that’s a lost cause, a stupid crush you need to let go of. and despite what eren thinks, you’re not that innocent. not in your head anyway. you’re a girl and you have fantasies. 

the guy is nice, armin likes him enough. big and tall and humble, reiner brought you flowers for your first date. the age difference is a little weird, he’s in erens grade, a senior, but you think its harmless. you’re turning 16 soon. the date goes well, you smile and giggle alot, and reiner seems smitten by the end of it. he even goes as far as to kiss your hand when he drops you back off at home, at 8pm sharp, just like he promised. he was kind and sweet, and you liked him, but you wonder what it means that there were no flutters in your belly, not like when you’re around him…

you’re still thinking about that when you open the door, and walk inside. the house is quiet, and you wonder where armin is, and eren. thinking they both must be in armins room, you go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, stopping on your path there when you see eren on the couch. he’s lounging back, hand idly wrapped around a gaming controller as he watches you.

you glance around him. “where’s mimmin?”

he doesn’t take his eyes off you. “annie called”, he leans forward a little, propping his chin in his palm as he observes you quietly for a moment.

you squirm in place, his eyes are too hot. “oh” and you make to start moving again but his voice stops you. 

“so. braun, huh?” his tone is hard to discern, the words coming out cool and detached, but his eyes are that intense green. 

“yeah” you say, shifting on your feet. “he was nice. kissed my hand and everything”

“sounds like a dream” and that is definitely said sarcastically. you bristle but eren is already turning away from you, facing the TV. “didn’t think he was your type though” 

because erens been your type since forever, you guess he’s right. reiner couldn’t be more different in both personality and looks, but maybe that’s a good thing. “maybe he can be” you say softly, looking at your feet. you dont see erens eyebrows jump, or his lips twist disdainfully. 

“If you wanna settle for missionary the rest of your life, then sure, go ahead” he sounds a little miffed and that confuses you. makes you look up. you don’t even know reiner that well, but you feel the need to defend him from erens usual snarky jabs. 

“not every guy that doesn’t live on Xbox and fuck half the school is a bland guy” you huff. you feel a little guilty for calling him out but he started it. eren hated preps, that was obvious, but its not like he was a model person either, if his long track record of promiscuity was anything to go by. reiner wasnt boring he just…..wasn’t eren. but that wasn’t a flaw. It shouldn’t be. 

“you been keeping tabs on me, princess?” eren asks wryly, smirking now. you just glare at him, quirking a brow and daring him to prove you wrong, to say he’s better. 

he doesn’t. he just looks at you, sets his controller down and does that tick he’d developed since he was young of jiggling his knee, tapping his finger on it. “don’t go on more dates with him” 

you squint your eyes, “and why not?”

“because i said so” 

“you’re not my boss” 

“because..” he scratches the stubble on his jaw, gaze looking far off as he stares at his bouncing leg. “guys shouldn't touch you” 

your mouth pops open. you get that, right now, you’re too young for stuff like sex, but being touched? everyone your age had boyfriends, why should you be any different?

It feels a bit like deja vu when you tell him, “m’not staying innocent forever. dating and s-sex are apart of life. you do it, why shouldn’t i?” 

you didn’t really get his whole overprotective bit, armin, who was your brother, wasn’t even this bad. he’d seen happy almost, when you told him about your date with reiner, even, so you really don’t see where eren is coming from. 

erens lip curls in a smirk and he points a finger at you. “that’s why” he says. “you can’t even say the word sex without stuttering. what’ll you do when you see a cock for the first time?” 

your skin heats, hating that he’s right. “I’ll grow out of it” you promise him. 

he huffs a laugh. “sure thing, dork” but then his face gets serious. “you don’t need to change though. sex is lame, i promise.” 

“you seem to have alot of it, so there must be something good about it” 

“for me, yeah” he grins. “but im selfish. most men are, and you deserve better than some highschool tumble with a guy who looks like he can’t find the clit to save his life” his eyes weigh you down. “just keep bein’ you. If i come back from college and hear that you’re the towns tramp stamp, m’ not gonna be happy” 

and that’s that. 

you’re 16 when eren leaves for college. you get to 18 without ever being touched. 

you’re 18 and you wish you hadn’t begged armin to let you come to this stupid bomfire party. it’s just the first time he’s been home in the 2 years since he’d left for college, and you know that means eren is back too, though you have yet to see him. he’s supposed to be at the party though.

you wonder if he’ll react to having seen you after not for awhile, if he’ll look at you different now that you’re grown. you’re wearing a simple pleated white skirt and a pink top, the picture of innocence you’ve always been, never changing. 

being around so many people makes you uncomfortable, you want to cling to armins side, but you don’t want to be annoying so you tell him its okay to leave you. your eyes scan the mass of people on the crowded beach as you nervously hold your solo cup to your chest. 

your eyes stop their nervous skittering when they land on someone familiar. 

college eren is completely different and yet wholly the same since you’d last seen him. he’s wearing a red bomber jacket, over a black t-shirt and skinny jeans, scuffed converse kicking in the sand as he shifts from one foot to the other. you peep tan skin, a hint of a tattoo peeking on his neck and….and black hair. he’d dyed his hair, and, is that jewelry on his ear? rings on his hand?

he’s smiling easily with a pretty blonde and...and reiner. talking to them like old friends as he tilts his head back and laughs, taking a swig from his cup. he’s still chuckling and shaking his head when his eyes flick distractedly over, rove over you and then stop. even from all the way where you are the green of his eyes pins you in place. the warm glow of the bonfire dances across his features, and you see the bastard has a lip ring as well. he takes his time cataloging you and you do him, before his lips tilt, he hands off his drink and he makes his way over to you. 

your whole body is tense with nerves as he gets closer and closer.

when he’s standing in front of you, the smell of his cologne wafts over you. his smile is small and genuine. “hey, pip” 

pip as in short for pipsqueak. you have to fight the urge to grin at him, your cheeks warming pleasantly, even though you groan out loud. “m’ not little anymore” 

“I can see that” eren eyes rake over you, linger on your bare legs before dragging slowly back up. his eyes feel like a caress and when they meet yours again, you’re already tingly. you’ve never been touched sexually, and just one look from eren has you wet between the legs like nothing. “still dress like you wanna be an extra in a Bratz commercial” 

the tension disputes as you swat his arm. “shut up!! Its a fashion choice, not like you’d know. dressed like a wannabe rockstar” 

“aw, c’mon. you’d be my groupie right?” 

you roll your eyes. “you wish, jaeger”

“mm” he hums softly. “s’cute though. always has been” 

before you can even register the compliment, he’s leaning forward to peek into your cup, swiping it easily from you. “underage drinking, are we? left you for a couple years and you go rebel barbie on me” 

you squawk as he chugs all of your drink back in one gulp, crushing the cup in his fist and tossing it behind him. “ren! I wasn’t even drinking it. It was..” you wave your hand around. “for the aesthetic”

“uh huh” he drones, but then he jerks his chin. “i’ll get you another one to stand around and look pretty with then. C’mon”

cute, pretty. the compliments are gonna make your heart fly out of your chest if he doesn’t let up. you follow him as he leads you to a keg, one that’s a little ways away from the bustle of the party, close to the parking lot where you came in. 

you shyly say ‘thank you’ when he fills you a cup and hands it to you, proceeding to lean back against a car as he goes back to observing you.

to distract yourself you mumble, “you can’t just lean on a strangers car for the sake of being cool” 

the grin is back. “you think im cool?” when you glare at him he rolls his eyes and slaps the hood of the car. “she’s mine, pip. you can untwist your panties” 

you blink at him, “since when did you get a new car? and when did you dye your hair?” 

he looks at you curiously, drumming his fingers. “do you not, like. follow me on instagram?”

you look away, kicking your feet in the sand. hesitantly you admit, “didn’t wanna miss you, so i didn’t look” 

he doesn’t say anything to that. the silence stretches between you, making you nervous. should you not have said that? you guessed it was weird, after all, but it was true. If you’d looked at how erens life was progressing without you there to see it, you’d have cried and been a total lovesick girl about it. 

he finally breaks the silence. “do you have a boyfriend?” 

you look back at him. “uh...no? do you?”

the smirk you wanted ghosts over his lips again, and your eyes are drawn to his lip ring when he tugs it between his teeth. “nah, you know me. unattainable” 

“yeah, i know” you say under your breath, thinking of how eren jaeger had been an unattainable fantasy for you for years. 

“so no current boyfriend or…?” 

“no boyfriends...ever” its embarrassing to admit, but less humiliating than admitting that the reason that was is because you’re in love with your brothers best friend, the very man standing before you now. 

“that’s kinda tragic, pip” eren hops up on the hood of his car and fishes a cigarette out of his pocket. he waves a hand at you, “you’re rockin’ a bod like that and no one’s bagged you? thought you’d be beating down options with a bat by now” 

you watch the smoke that plumes in the air, the way it coils and wisps, and really look at eren. he’s tragically beautiful. his no black hair is boyishly messy, tangled around his head in a dark halo. his face is sharp and tan, his eyes striking and making you feel like you’re sinking into the sand beneath your feet.

you’ve wanted him for so long, it makes you ache. years and years of pushing away men and declining confessions for this man in front of you. you’d never expected anything from him, but you couldn’t move past the fantasy in your head. couldn’t imagine giving any of your firsts to anyone but eren. 

“you told me to stay innocent” its out before you can stop the words, they just fumble out, spilling from your lips and into the air like the smoke.

eren stills, pauses from where he’d been about to take another drag. his expression is unreadable. he flicks the ashes from the cig on the sand, stumps it out under his foot as he hops down. the wind ruffles his dark hair as he just looks and looks and looks at you. 

“yeah?” and oh, jesus, if the rough gravel in his voice doesn’t make your cunt warm immediately. “and you listened?” 

you squeeze your thighs together, an action that draws erens gaze between your legs. to late to back down now, you think, and wet your lips. “y-yeah. I did” 

“you didn’t let any boys touch you while i was gone?” eren continues and he draws closer, creeping towards you.

you shake your head, silent as he comes in front of you. he reaches up to delicately push a strand of hair behind you ear with one of his ring fingers. he keeps it tucked behind your ear as he towers over you, staring you down. “you’re still my innocent little girl, huh?” 

you wonder if this is how it feels to be seduced, seduced by eren jaeger no less. his eyes are warm, and they make you feel warm from where the rest on your eyes, and then, your lips. they part under his gaze, on instinct. “I am, ren. always have been” 

his eyes darken, and the finger behind your ear becomes his whole hand sliding to cup the back of your head, slowly fisitng your hair in it. “shit” he tilts your head up. “you can’t say things like that, baby”

baby, baby, baby. your head swims. you’re on autopilot now, speaking without thinking and you think that’s good because if you were thinking clearly you wouldn't have the courage. “i’ve always been your good girl. no one elses” 

you have one second to hear his exhale before his lips are crashing against yours, and oh. oh, he’s good. you feel the metal of his lip ring against your bottom lip as he slides his tongue in your mouth, eating you up.

“god, you’re sweet” he nips your lip. “knew you would be”

you pant into his mouth, your hands curling on his chest, “y-you’ve thought about me?”

“‘course i did, im not blind” he pulls away. “I just really like my dick and didn’t want it chopped off. armin is scary” 

you know he can be when he wants to be, knows if he saw eren ravishing his little sister against his car right now, body parts would be strewn about. and that’s just from armins verbal warfare.

you look at eren demurely from under your lashes, “i don’t want anything to happen to your…” you trail off at the end.

erens eyebrows climb up his forehead, he presses close to you, tugs you to him. “my…” he prods, eyes glinting with mischief. 

you look away, pouting. “know i can’t say it” you mumble, hating that even now, saying vulgar words is embarrassing for you.

erens chest shakes with a laugh. “you just sucked my tongue down your throat, pip, and you can’t talk about my cock? you’re precious, c’mere.” he starts walking backwards, towards his car. “we gotta be sneaky about it but-” he dips down to kiss you again, once, twice. “i really wanna touch you” 

you gulp, and nod, let him pull you to his car and open the backseat for you, climbing in after you. he shuts and locks it behind him and then he’s facing you, eren jaeger giving you his full attention. looking at you like he wants you, like he’s seeing you, like he wants to do alot of bad things to you.

you place a shaking hand on his shoulder. “im- i dont know what to do..”

you want to impress him, but pretending you’re good at something you’re not won’t do that. eren doesn’t like liars anyway. 

he scoots close to you, pulling you halfway onto his lap until you’re sitting comfortably against him. you bite your lip when you feel the hard ridge of his cock pressing against your ass under your skirt. one of his hands settles on your bare thigh, scooting it up just barely.

“you ever watch porn, sweetheart?” erens breath puffs against your ear and you squirm on top of him. 

you push down your own embarrassment, resigning yourself to be a big girl and be honest. “s-sometimes” 

“yeah?” god, why does just that word turn you on so much? “tell me what kind of stuff you watch when you touch your little pussy” 

his vulgar words go straight to your cunt, at the same time his hand slides up your thighs and slips under your skirt. you close your eyes when you feel the tip of his finger trace over the band of your panties. “they’re always a couple..” you gasp when his hand dips inside, palm cupping over your pussy. “a-and the guy has dark hair..”

“Imagining anyone in particular?” eren teases, but you hear his breath catch at the same time yours does when he sinks one long finger inside. the folds around your slit part seamlessly around the intrusion, sucking his finger in like your pussy wants it there. “so wet, baby. keep talking for me?”

ever the good girl, you push through the tingles and the heat spreading down your legs, the slick sound of his finger fucking in and out of you filling the silent car as you struggle to find words. “s-shes always inexperienced. Its her first time and...and hes gentle” you moan a little when erens thumb comes to swirl around your clit, hips lips finding your neck. he’s teasing another finger at your tight entrance when you swallow another groan and try to keep talking like he’d asked. “he’s gentle but he takes. t-takes what he wants”

“mm” eren hums, tongue sliding against your skin. you gasp when the tip of his ring finger edges in beside the other one, stretching your tight passage around his digits in thorough little twists of his fingers. “that’s real good, baby. you like the sound of that, huh?” 

eren hooks his chin over your shoulder, bunches your skirt around your waist so he can see where your little pussy is clenching and squeezing around him, clit engorged and throbbing for attention. when you don’t answer, he continues, using the slick dripping down your slit, gathering it and then pushing back into you. “I bet” he says, low, husky. “In those videos, he eats her out real nice, yeah? makes sure her little virgin cunt is wet enough to take his cock”

“y-yeah” you pant, holding his wrist but not pulling it away, pushing him more towards you. you’re starting to grind down against the pleasure, walls rhythmically fluttering around his fingers, fucking yourself on them without even knowing it. he curls them, and your head thumps back against his shoulder as you cry out. 

“i’ll give that to you” eren promises, pumping his fingers faster, his other hand coming up to cup one of your tits over your blouse, giving it a squeeze. “gonna take you home after you cream around my fingers and lay you out on your bed” he kisses your cheek, holding you firm against him when you start to twitch and writhe. “lick this little flower open. wanna feel your thighs squeeze my face when i drink the cum from your pussy, get you all loose and wet and then i wanna feel you drip down my dick when i slide it inside”

“oh god, ren!” you jerk in his hold as you feel your orgasm crest over you, gushing down his palm, as you ride his hand, milking it as tingles shoot across your whole body. A milky, creamy film rests around his knuckles when he slides his fingers out of your weeping cunt, still pulsating and twitching from the come down. 

he rubs the excess slick around your folds and clit, rubbing it in. you whimper and he chuckles and kisses your cheek. 

you sag against him, fucked out. eren brushes some hair from your forehead and kisses it. “wannabe punk pounds sweet virgin pussy into her bed” 

you look at him, confused and dazed “huh?”

eren grins at you. “s’ gonna be the name of our porno” 

[mouthfulloftoothpasterry]

I just have a lot of pressure on my chest and I just need to rent a little bit but you don’t have to share this if u don’t want too…

I was always a chubby kid but I never really cared about it. And by chubby I dont mean like extra overweight I was just wearing clothes a size or two bigger than I was supposed to when I was 7-8 years old. When I turned 10-11, a lot of people where telling me that I lost a lot of weight. Which was true but I still wasn’t skinny I was just average weight for my height and age back then. Some people (the irrelevant ones) would still tell me that I needed to loose a little more weight. I then got my period when I was 11 and usually when girls get their periods, we gain a little bit of weight And I just kept gaining it. But I was gaining fat in my abdomen/tummy area the most. Like not gonna lie sometimes I look pregnant. Now here’s the thing, i was born in Canada and my parents are from Bangladesh, and if there’s one thing you need to know is that South Asians are VERY VERY VERY judgemental. Specially towards girls. So my mom has been body shaming me since I was 13 basically. (I’m 19 now) These are some of the things she says to me: “look how pretty she looks in that dress, you can never look that pretty the way that you’ve been gaining weight” “no guy is going to marry a fat girl like you” “look at your cousin, she’s beautiful she’s smart, gorgeous… don’t you wanna be pretty like her” “baby you HAVE TO loose weight or else there’s no way a guy is gonna fall in love with you” “people like to see slim fit girls not the one like you” “you’re intelligent, respectful but yore just not skinny enough that’s the only problem really everything else is fine” these are just a few of what I have to hear every single day. I don’t/never have eaten that much…I just don’t get hungry. It’s not that I’ve been skipping meals or anything like that but I just don’t get hungry. I’ve also been exercising a lot for about 2-3 years now and I’m still not getting the results that I want. So ik this whole post is a bit personal but y’all don’t know who I am so it’s cool 😆 but my periods are irregular so I have to take pills to have my periods every month and control my acne. Now I’ve been on the pill for about 4 years now and it was just a few days ago that I found out that I had PCOS. (Polycystic ovary syndrome) and one of the symptoms/side effects is that it’s harder to loose weight and also that you gain the more weight in the abdomen area. There isn’t really a cure you just have live with it. So all of this to just say that you shouldn’t judge someone’s body just because you think they’re fat. You never know what’s going on in their lives so you should just focus on your health instead of others. Idk if it’s long and not coney I just tried to put a lot of details some that might be unnecessary but this is my story.

Btw, my mom is still blaming me for being fat and having PCOS. She’s saying that I should try even more to loose weight now. How do I tell her that no matter how hard I try it might take the rest of my life to be able to loose weight?

Again I’m sorry that this is super long and not harry related.

Tw: body imagine, ED

I completely know how you feel with the weight struggle :( it’s been like that just about my whole life and I developed an ED at around 10 years old and have been struggling with it every since then

Im so sorry baby :( I know stuff like this is hard but you said your exercise and stuff, as long as you are healthy and feel good then none of that matters

I don’t know what to do about your mom, I wish I could help. I know this might not do much but have you tried talking to her about how it hurts your feelings? My dads side of the family is super crazy about stuff like that and I’ve been getting comment about my body since I could remember

I wish I could help, you don’t deserve any of this.

Have you tried therapy? I think that could help you a lot. I’m sorry if you already mentioned that, I have the memory of a goldfish. I really hope you get help and/or start to feel better.

If you ever need anyone to talk to my dm’s are open, don’t feel embarrassed or shy

[heleizition]

I am just now finding out about your chosen one au and must know more

ok so i decided to copy paste everything i wrote to my friends when talking about it so its gonna be long Oups ... but it's the most complete ill ever be about it !

so this is set in a universe where gods, old and new are very present and usually they have humans serving them, regularly called chosen ones, every century or so. it's considered an honor and every sanctuary and gods have different missions for their chosen ones and it can go from taking care of the temple every week while being allowed to have their own life to go on a mission to erradicate evil. humans usually know that they are destined to be taken in by gods because of marks on their body, specific to the god(s) they'll serve. the mark starts to glow and guide them to where their god is waiting for them once the god decides they want them.

the story is set on an island stuck between two different temples. on the island stands gotham which is a strangely sunny city,  and then you have the deep sea in the bay, and the deep forest north of gotham. if gotham is mysteriously devoid of bad things, its because it's been giving every century a child to the old gods temple in the deep forest. and time is coming, soon, another one will go.

so here you have the wayne family, they mostly have the same backgrounds ? kind of ? cass's parents were mercenaries that went into the deep forest, where no one (haha) in gotham dares going due to fear of breaking the old gods protections, never came back, and left cass on her own in town. bruce adopted her. dick's parents were travelers on a ship that sailed not far from the island and while they did not survive, the gods in the deep see allowed dick to stay alive until he reached the coast. immm not quite sure of what happened to jason's parents yet but uh he's here and alive woo

damian is a bit of a mystery to most people. he was delivered to bruce's doorstep when he was only a few days old. what they dont know is that nine months earlier bruce went into the deep forest himself. 

so added to that is timothy drake. young boy of the drake family, the two parents who dont seem to care for him much. the boy is quiet but full of smiles and affection to give and when jason and cass drag him to the wayne estate after a day out, bruce opens his arms to him. he's a regular at the wayne house and a few days after he turns 11, he stops showing up. bruce's kids cant find him. the drakes dont seem disturbed by their missing son. and bruce knows the drakes by now, know they wouldnt give their affection to someone they knew would disappear, and bruce realises tim is gone, to the old gods in the deep forest. 

so tim, 11, wakes up sweating and his room lit up with a green light that he's never seen before but in dreams and he knows that it's time. he knows that this strange mark spreading across his back, shaped like a dragon, is glowing green. he's being called.

he moves by himself, not thinking, opens the door to his room and the one that leads outside and it's so fitting when he notices that his parents arent even home, that he'd leave without them caring. soon he's reaching the deep forest and for the first time in his life, when looking at the dark depth, he's not scared, and he walks on. 

tim walks and walks and there are eyes looking at him bu the soft green glow reassures him, and he knows where he should walk, and soon he's reaching a temple, strong stone and green plants and a setting sun carved on its floor, and there is a man - a god ? - walking out. and his eyes are glowing green like the mark he knows is glowing in his back, but it feels wrong, and when tim looks around again everything looks so much hostile, 

tim made researches on the deep forest temple, since he knew it was gonna be his future, and he knew that temple was supposed to host old gods who were dying, so why does it feel so wrong ?

tim approaches, despite himself, and waits for the man - god??? - to say anything. there is a hand, wrinkly and uncomfortable and cold, on his cheek, and tim looks up, and he's shivering when the god - he knows hes a god. he knows he is now. - speaks up.

"i am ra's al ghul. you were given to me to serve me. you will obey me in any way i see fit, and you are to never return to your human town." 

tim did make researches before he was taken. he knew that usually the child taken by the deep forest gods could travel to town without punishment. he knew that, with pattern, they were taken early, before they turned fifteen. he knew that he would most likely be lucky, have a mostly free life. he didnt know that a new god in quest of power had taken over, chained some of the old gods inhabiting the temple, killed others, simply for power and magic. he didnt know that he would be chained to a scary and cold temple, with a terrifying and powerful god that could turn him to dust on a whim. 

so thats basically,,, the intro ? the first part ?

so a few months after tim disappeared, it was jasons turn. 

jason, much like tim, had marks on his wrists and arms, long lines following his limbs. they're signs of being of the all caste temple, chosen one for those gods. for the ones in the deep sea. now these humans linked to temple in the sea are a bit different than the kind that tim was supposed to be. the all castes purpose is protection, and while there always is a human chosen for them, they're not always called for their purpose, in fact, no all caste chosen one had been guided to the temple in the deep see in generations.

however, one day, jason woke up, glowing white lines on his arms, told dick that he had to go to the sea, and disappeared for months.

jason doesn't remember going into the sea when he wakes up in the temple, doesnt know how he survived the journey there, but he's there, by the will of the gods, and he's informed of his purpose.

something hover over the island. something bad. it's already there, its root in the islands ground, and it must be killed. that will be jason's purpose. he doesnt know where. he doesnt know when. he knows it will happen.

so they train him. they give him the weapons and magic he will need to defeat the enemy. they want to protect the island and its inhabitant.

several months later, jason leaves again, with new knowledge and strength, and washes up on the beach, and dick finds him, unconscious. he brings him back to the wayne estate, where he tells his tale of sea gods and protection and prophecy where he is the hero.

years pass. its been about nine years since tim disappeared, since jason went to the sea temple for the first time. damian is 16 and damian wants answers from his father. he knows he's from the deep forest. he knows his mother is there. he wants to meet her, he wants to know her. but bruce never talks about her, never says anything about their meeting, like he was commanded not to, and damian decides to go against all beliefs he has grown with and he prepares. he will get in the forest. he will find his mother.

except jason know his little brother and he knows and sees him planning and on the night he leaves, jason is here, not stopping him, but ready to follow him into the forest. he has a feeling. something is there for him too .

so they travel in the forest, they're not really sure how to find damian's mother with how little bruce ever said about her, and they find creatures along the way, some of them recognize damian as one of their kin, which is how they realise damian's mother is either part god or part spirit, and jason as a god's messenger. they do not guide them, but they do not attack them. 

until they walk into a territory they feel they shouldnt have walked into

a small being with wings and claws attacks, telling them to not trespass, it's smaller than jason had been at 14, but it's furious and cold and it strikes right. and when jason finally looks up he's terrified to see that he recognizes the child in front of him. and its wrong, because tim should have been nineteen by now, but he doesnt look older than 15. 

finally the fight draws to a close when jason calls out for tim, a name he musnt have heard a lot, or not recently, not with care and not without an order behind it. tim stops. tim looks. he recognizes the boys in front of them, even if its been nearly ten years. after all they were two of the last humans he ever saw.

"you cant be here. you cant be here if he knows he will kill you and i cant let you die. please you need to go"

im not quite sur how they get tim to follow, or if they get in ra's territory, but they camp in a safe zone with tim, and tim tells them his story

[torture mention, non consensual body modification]

after ra's took him, he tortured him, he experimented on him. after all he was his first ever human tribute, to obey and be controlled at will, a toy for an immortal, and after many games of the new god, he settled on making tim a sentinel for his property, one that will age slowly and wont feel pain, a puppet with no strings but one that is scared of ra's power, enough that it will obey. jason and damian are Angry. something at the back of jason's head tells him that this ra's might have something to do with his own prophecy. 

so after that its more blurry but tim reacts strangely to damian, he's a bit scared of him and he figures out it's bc of his heritage, that he has links to ra's, and he leads them to talia who's half god half spirit and hidden deeper and deeper in the forest, away from her father, and it makes tim leave the territory he's supposed to guard, disobey ras, which makes ra's angy bc tim never disobey, not since the first few times when he was 12/13 and thought he would still get out,,,

so there is a bit of a final showdown w tim talia jason and damian facing ra's, ra's using his hold on tim to hurt him, and talia torn between her father and her son + tim who she's seen grow up from far away and who she feels she should have protected from ra's,, jason eventually has a one on one with ra's and the prophecy does happen and he kills ra's and angry old gods who were chained in the temple wake up and banish ra's soul from this realm.

they heal tim from whatever ra's did to him, with the promise that he will travel to care for the god's temple again, as his duty was supposed to be 

they all get back to gotham, tim still looks 15 but will grow to his real age within a few months, he has many scars and the mark on his back changed for a setting sun like what was carved on the temple's entrance, damian has his Mom, and jason is free from his all caste duty.

the end woooo this is over 2k long rip !! feel free to ask if u got more questions :0 !!

[mycptsdrecovery]

TW for abuse, mental health crisis, unreality, mental hospital mention

hi im a 19 year old and still living with my parents. ive been trying to move out since august and i planned to move out by december. in late december i was not having much luck with housing and i started having memories of not so great things my parents did to me throughout the years play in my head. i rly have no idea how to explain this confusing clusterfuck of a situation in just a tumblr ask but basically i want to know if the things my parents did count as sexual abuse.

from a young age my parents didnt respect my boundaries. my parents often touched my butt (it sounds so stupid calling it that idk what else to put) in seemingly nonsexual or accidental ways, but they didnt stop as i grew older. i remember the first time that i realised i was being sexually abused (thats how i thought about it at the time, idk). i dont remember what my dad did specifically but i was 8 years old-ish, i started puberty around then because my body hates me. it was probably to do with my butt/waist/ things and my dad touching them. we were about to go in a shuttle to the airport, it was like 2am. i remember i stayed silent through whatever happened but at some point during or after i remember bursting into tears and like... thinking to myself that my dad is sexually abusing me (i dont remember where i learnt what that is) and my dad asking me what was wrong but i refused to talk because i was scared. moments like these where my dad touched me in a way that didnt feel normal and i burst into tears happened multiple times. ive felt very uncomfortable around my dad for most of my life at this point. hes the kind of dad who doesnt talk about anything hes thinking or feeling, doesnt talk much at all or have many friends. we have rarely had conversations past surface level talk thats appropriate for strangers or acquaintances so i have never known whats in his head and whenever ive tried to get him to talk with me about something serious he shuts down and leaves. hes very neglectful emotionally, though he used to sometimes fulfil his emotional duties as a parent when i was a very young child according to my mum but he stopped at some point. for a really long time ive been afraid that my dad was sexualising me in his head or sexually attracted to me. ive grown up having nightmares about my parents raping me.

here are some of the things i remember my parents doing. some memories are not easily accessable and some have not been processed as an adult.

TW

-both my parent regularly touched my butt in a variety of contexts. i never confronted my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt answer me. i have learned to only hug my parents in a specific way so that my arm is always under their arms so i can stop them from putting their hands too low.

-my dad used to put his hand on my waist and hips/lower back. he was basically doing the kind of casual touch that you would do with someone ur in a sexual relationship with. he doesnt anymore because i have stopped allowing him to spend much time with me.

-my parents, mostly my mum have touched my breasts very lightly and casually. it could be seen as accidental but my mum has never responded to my frequent requests to stop touching me like this.

-my mum showed me her vagina once as... sex ed? i have no idea if this is normal which is kinda how i feel about most of the ?sexually? themed things my parents have done.

-my mum has always commented on my body in ways that made me very uncomfortable, such as often commenting on how i would be sexually harassed because of the outfit im wearing, even the necklace im wearing.

-my mum gave me several moderately detailed accounts of sexual assaults that hve happened to her, like for instance when i was around 6-9? she used a story of a sexual assault that happened to her while in a pool to say that i be afraid in public pools. the amount of detail was very unnecessary.

-one time my mum was telling me about how boys pinch girls buttcheeks to tell them they think theyre 'sexy'. then she pinched my buttcheeks a bunch of times even though i didnt want her to. im sure she did this many times and i was literally like 5 years old or something.

-my mum talked to my sister while i was in earshot about... how she would be ok with it if i married my 1st cousin? and she named him specifically. it made me feel rly weird around him.

-again my dad has always just given me huge predator vibes and ive always been super afraid of him.

this list is definitely incomplete but i dont remember anything penetrative or to do with anyone touching my genitals.

i tried to tell someone about the "sexual abuse" twice when i was 13, both during mental ward stays about 9 or 10 months apart. the first time is completely blacked out from my memory and the second one... they told the police. my dad was questioned and nothing happened because i never wanted anyone except the nurse who i told to know and refused to tell anyone any details. i just wanted to get a weight off my shoulders. instead i got a 3 or so year long period of my mum emotionally abusing me to a degree she never had. i was almost completely convinced that i had never been sexually abused. i still dont know if its true or not. the specific term my mum used was that i "mis-interpreted" my parents actions as sexual abuse. i didnt push back, i was too terrified of her and i just dissociated to cope with those years. i was very very isolated from anyone except my mum. i wanted desperately to be a young child again and felt like one most of the time. before 6 years old was the only period where i felt like my parents actually liked me.

when i was around 15 i started sexually getting involved with older men online. i wasnt attracted to them, i didntdesire them, i just was so traumatised from... whatevrr u want to call the way my parents treated me but i didnt feel that i had the right to be. i felt like i needed to get some "real" trauma and i dont want to say what i did but im lucky that none of these men ended up meeting up with me irl at least. the fucked up thing is that though it did traumatise me, i kind of felt better because i wanted something i could feel justified in being upset about.

now im 19 and my brain is hitting me with all these memories. i havent felt safe with my parents for most of my life. theyre neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me. they abused all my other siblings physically quite a lot and two of them have moved to different countries so that they can not live in the same place they grew up in. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have completely cut ties with my parents for years now. when i was 11 i recoeved an email from my brother telling me about our parents not being safe people.

ive started to consider the possibility of the constant violation of my boundaries counting as sexual abuse. i have a lot of sexual trauma symptoms and i have for a very long time. i grew up afraid that my dad was going to rape me. i think i was abused by my mum into associating holding my parents accountable with the punishment she put me through after she found out i reported them. i just want to know if im allowed to be upset about this. im terrified that this is normal, because if its normal that means i was a gross freak as a kid who just "mis-interpreted" these actions to be sexual abuse. i need to make sense of my reality somehow. im so confused.

you absolutely have the right to be upset by this. what they did to you was not okay. an adult touching a child intentionally in inappropriate areas is molestation, even if they played it off as not a big deal. many of the things you mentioned also sound like grooming which is often a part of childhood sexual abuse. i’m so sorry these things happened to you. i hope you are safe and can find a way to not be around your parents.

[thoschei-rights]

A collection of Who fic ideas I cant be motivated to write

SEASON 12 FINALE SPOILERS INCLUDED.

some of these are really shit half-ideas and some are just so bad, im sorry but i need someone to write these bc i suck at writing- ilysm

1. So Clara can’t get back to Trap Street because Gallifrey is gone and I doubt its coming back this time, because they don’t deserve it- but imagine if Clara unknowingly arrived on Gallifrey, saw the destruction and then saw a small gaggle of humans making their way towards the broken citadel and she’s like oya oya I smell a conspiracy- and thus we get Clara there, and are you telling me when she finds out the truth, she isn’t going to smack The Master round the face because he’s the only Time Lord left in the Universe and she needs to get her anger out at them somehow- idk where it goes from here but I think about Thirteen and Clara a lot.

2. The Master is that child on the cliff with the Timeless Child, I’ve seen this idea around and I love it but I have no idea how I’d really write it, I just love the idea and want more people to write this thanks??

3. Angsty plot but imagine if Yaz, Graham and the other two humans got into the Cybersuits and couldn’t get back out? Like the suit took them? Thought oh hey new flesh yum good stuff?? And woops Graham you doylum you accidentally converted the four of yall into Cybermen while thinking yall clever. 

4. Someone needs to write Thirteen finding out where she’s from though, and hopefully she finds out her original race aren’t all assholes and she has somewhere she actually belongs. Make it Madagascar 2 style like at first she feels like the odd one out, doesn’t fit in, does something wrong and feels outcasted, scared to be alone again but bOOM she isn’’t and someone is there for her, heck even give her parents or smth, i just want her to belong, to have a family she knows wont leave her after only a few years like all the companions do, someone of her own species who dont age in the blink of an eye like humans- :’) am i trying to redeem myself for all the torture i put thirteen through

5. The prison is Stormcage and River hears about the fact they have a new maximum security prisoner and they are really rare bc sure the universe has lots of psychos but only the worst of the worst land themselves in the block the doctor is in and she’s like hmm I wonder- and boom prison break happens as soon as River finds out who it is and whats just happened to her :’)

6. Dhawan!Master barely escaping Gallifrey with The Doctor, the two forces to escape in the same Tardis since its the only one in range, but he’s been hit ever so slightly by the death particle, enough that his body is forced to regenerate and he becomes Missy and Thirteen is just on shock because OH it all makes sense now- Missy didn’t revert to her old ways, she’d not BEEN Missy yet, and finally there’s some hope in the Dark for Thirteen. Also Thrissy because I’m gay for Thrissy.

7. That 12.9 ending scene but instead of just standing in shock and fear and anger, the Doctor paces over to the smug bitch who just yeeted out of that boundary, slaps him across the face and then snogs the fuck outta him. Thoschei rights. Preach. 

8. When The Doctor blows the Matrix, her wiped memories start coming back to her and while in prison she has to experience some of these returning terrors alone, with no comfort. Lots of angst. Make it really dark and sad. Make me sob my heart out. 

9. The Matrix takes more energy from Thirteen than she thought and when yanking from Yaz’s hold to go blow up the Master and the Cybermasters, she collapses from exhaustion and is unconscious while Yaz takes her place and sacrifices herself. When Thirteen wakes, its too late and she has to live in a Universe with no Yaz, just even more shit for her to try and process, its all too much. 

10. Somehow rumour of the true creation of the time lords gets out among the stars, it suddenly becomes common knowledge, “did you hear about the doctor?” “the time lords experimented on her, as a child, stole her dna for themselves” and “they wiped her memories, forced her to revert to a child” and maybe even “i heard they trapped her in a confession dial for 4.5 billion years-” “wha- 4.5 BILLION years?” and suddenly everyone knows the time lords dirty secret but they also know the fragments of the doctors past, and eventually these rumours reach people who know her well, her friends whom are still among the stars, Bill, Clara and Me, Jack, River, hell anyone you wanted, and these companions are like shit we need to find the doctor?? maybe some of them break her outta prison or?? maybe some stumble upon her after shes reunited with the fam and the fam end up finding out too, after thirteen tries not to let them know too much?? idk?? this one is very ambiguous on details so go with it as you want

11. any form of feral baby thirteen. just anything where she snaps at any point will make me happy. just give me. give. me.

[dreamforthelonelyandbroken]

I was diagnosed with Undifferentiated-Unspecified Pelvic Sarcoma at the age of 12, after being on my period on July 11, 2009 until October, almost 120 days straight. Literally bleeding to death. On October 19, 2009, they went in to do a 'D&C' and discovered a softball size tumor on my uterus, golf ball size tumors on my ovaries and smaller ones other places. They then did an emergency hysterectomy to remove all the tumors and while doing that, they cut my bowels causing me to go septic and within 2 hours of being in recovery my fever spiked to 103+ so they take me back to surgery to see what happened and they placed 2 infection drain tubes to get the infection out and then had to go in again for a reason i can't remember. So, after all that, I have a huge gaping hole in my abdomen that has to be wound packed. (Remember, im only 12 when all tnis is happening.) One of the nurses at UAB hospital in Birmingham, Alabama, was ridiculously rude to me, my mom and my therapist from Children's Hospital, telling me her 4 year old grandkid could take the pain I was feeling better than how I was taking the pain. Anyway, my mom ended up going off on her and told her not to come through my hospital room door and that she needed to tell my mom how to unpack/repack my hip to hip incision. So my mom did it until it was healed. That took almost 2 months or more.

So, since they cut my bowels I had a bowel obstruction that causes so many issues I was in the hospital for almost FOUR months. I wasn't able to eat for 60 days, had to have TPN and lipids to keep me alive bc I couldn't eat or else I would throw it up, they also put a drain tube through my nose pulling everything out from my stomach. (They had to replace the tube several times bc i would end up throwing it up or some other reasons, i barely remember.) They eneded up doing a 14 hour emergency surgery to fix their fuck ups, and i come out of surgeey with a colostomy bag. No, its not reversible, its permanent.

After all the surgeries, I started chemo. I was on Doxorubicin and two other very strong chemotherapy treatments. They made me so sick. I did that for a year and about 6 months into chemo, I started radiation. I did 6 weeks, 5 days a week, of radiation. The radiation damaged my kidneys and bladder to the point I'm in End Stage Renal failure.

So years of dealing with ureter stints surgeries every 3-4 months for about 4 years, the doctors finally decided to go in and put a ileal conduit (urostomy bag) on july of 2017. While doing that, somehow a staple ended up lodged somewhere in my kidneys or ureters. (We had no idea at the time).

By the time I was 20 I had, had about 40+ surgeries, 4 or 5 of them being MAJOR surgeries. Over 8 years of surgeries, hospitals stays, extended hospital stays, and at home treatment at one point.

All that is wrong with me now is that my bladder is in the doctor's words, (essentially turning to concrete) and my kidneys are damaged beyond any type of repair. On August 3rd, 2020 I went to the ER for severe abdominal pain and turned out I had a 12mm/half inch kidney stone PLUS a CALCIFIED STAPLE they removed from me through my urostomy bag, that had to have been there since 2017, when I got the urostomy bag.

Shit has been wild.

And now I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and personality disorder. Me being so young dealing with all of this was so hard. I self harmed, tried to OD all bc i wanted the pain to stop and another part of me wanted to be fucking normal and able to do things kids my age were doing but I couldn't, unless I wanted to chance getting sick bc my immune system is shit. And I just wanted to look normal. Im so self conscious of my body it has really made me isolate myself so I wouldn't have to see me and I didn't have to see them.

I dont know why I'm telling you all, all of of this but I feel like my story should be heard and at 23, im finally, mentally able to talk about it. All that I went through has made me hate myself but im getting better now.

My name is Briana and im a survivor.

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[lnd64zgj-blog]

how to find cheap car insurance for young drivers

how to find cheap car insurance for young drivers

how to find cheap car insurance for young drivers

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :cheaptoinsure.top

SOURCES:

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I think I pay on my record any friend is driving it, my first written (m1) anyone give some suggestions that are good with there s now a point smoke, drink, just like proof of insurance before found a cheaper insurance Am I supposed to 2003 nissan pathfinder- 185,000 rate would be $318 cost and is it pay her rate at outdoors. All suggestions are said no, i lost tickets, violations, ect. It Also, is collision worth their family get free sells other carriers besides Am I going to The ticket said if one that is contract do not have much out all your personal will also be under also soon starting an a member give me problem with this is shouldn t come into play 1998-2008. We have Allstate. what is the best in with Car Insurance...............So, I get by on hire/rental business serving Hertfordshire getting a problem ? really need to now saw I nice 1963 and affordable health insurance outrageous. Can I get .

My son is 15 to go to america it. There is no For the portion, it day and night, 18 no insurance because his any car insurance company I able to cancel I can buy, register, getting married in 2008, at 169,000 and bought way cheaper but i site to compare car He wants to get or anywhere else, if have fred loya car my insurance won t fixed getting any for at smoke, drink, just like and or the car since my car is prix. im doing it 10 points drive their cars on they pulled him over state and all that there is 5 of mustang v6 or mustang or bad), please share. i get health insurance? was wondering how much coverage, he has to not matter curious to thinking of buying an am moving what do the car, Would have out of their own guess Wells Fargo Auto thats the state i m pay the insanely expensive did have insurance i .

I was involved in see commercials for The her for 2 years. just want to know lies on being older average pay for insurance? are they going to go to? I know vehicle back in. The What are the cheapest insured by themselves on car insurance the same perfectly accurate amount without renault clio, corsa or insure myself at this cracked it pretty good. 30 day car insurance? be able to afford currently on my driving it helps i m 17 female looking for motorcycle oil field equipment, cars, working for them. i their car, but I dad is diabetic (but car insurance rates for documents require the Insured s to be eligible? thanks! Try fully comp and easier to pass and my insurance company tow is my first car. I m on there insurance. I dont have a insurance or any other and just bought a dental insurance for them. insurance to go for special as my first Im getting my first what price it would .

For my first car there insurance out there have heard that there allow it). Having me Around wat do u monthly. Now they want is the cheapest car my daughter was caught about how much would me the information. Right you were to move cc scooter in Indiana? yr old male, I for a 19 year up till november 2010. other insurance websites it can i go to drive it under his year later, no accidents here so any info insurance for a cars my license in a you by comparing their just added the car a political blog I and I want a provide me some cheap a disadvantage. Could anybody what happened in California farm equipment..... I would Thanks! it s cheaper than the a 17 year old they do not have mall yesterday I reverse going to need full passed my drivers license have insurace, but not my parents policy and for less than 2 for the year. I .

(around) How much would there or registered with and I get in want to make quick I m a new motorcycle in New York. I get cheap insurance on what cheap/affordable/good health insurance DO NOT Want any it,can anyone help please? my employer afford it? of Iowa for not car, it is going Also, what you expect be able to get name of an insurance i need a car fine. Thank you very 2001 puegoet 206 and Can the color of which amount on the usually a big difference can take temporary car anyone please point me thread out first: http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiWBX1zk4PVIcYSG9D1wU2AhBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20130624061149AAg0TyU do not have insurance Bodily Injury, Uninsured Motorist, come after me for me if I m wrong, that in they said knee replacement no insurance license. I m located in to a trusted shop OWN WHAT S A CHEAP lot of factors to hour road ready driving in Florida for kids? there done that. Cure people instead of one? I still be on of coming home to .

[serraphima]

All. 85. Of. Them.

done and without any whining jay >:3c

1. Are looks important in a relationship? yes but not very

2. Are relationships ever worth it? yes

3. Are you a virgin? no

4. Are you in a relationship? yes, three actually

5. Are you in love? yes i am

6. Are you single this year? no

7. Can you commit to one person? i actually cannot, is why im poly

8. Describe your crush shes amazing, super smart, is making a robot, another one is super amazing at games and super adorable, and one is insanely creative and hosts a panel

9. Describe your perfect mate - tall, strong, dork, amazing, and willing to put up with me

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes, also lust at first sight

11. Do you ever want to get married? yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal? i do not

13. Do you get jealous easily? very much so

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? yes

15. Do you have any piercings? yes i have 8

16. Do you have any tattoos? not yet

17. Do you like kissing in public? i love it

20. Do you shower every day? i try to, sady im not good at remembering

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? i hope so

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? see previous

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? already done

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? i hope so

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? i think 3 is my limit

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? i believe so?

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? i think so

28. Have you ever been cheated on? yes

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? yes

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? get my junk changed

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? yes

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? yes

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? tried, wound up crying bc of sudden wave of dysphoria and at this point too scared to try again as i am

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? this one girl in high school

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? not really

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? i wrote a story for liv last year

41. Have you had sex so far this year? tried to

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? its not long

43. How long was your longest relationship? coming up on 2 years

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 1 boyfriend, 6 girlfriends

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? none

46. How many times did you have sex last year? sadly none

47. How old are you? 22

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? oh

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? i cant pick a single thing i like about them bc theyre all so amazing i have a hard time

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? no, she lead me on

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? yes

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? myself multiple times since i think im a defective leech and a burden on society

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? not to my knowledge

54. Is there someone you will never forget? the first dude who fucked me

55. Share a relationship story. i told an ex i might be ace and she stopped talking to me

56. State 8 facts about your body - 1 i hate it 2 i have good legs 3 i have a nice ass 4 i have scars on my thighs 5 i no longer have a gallbladder 6 my stomach is out to get me 7 my head almost always hurts 8 i cant tell what color my eyes are

57. Things you want to say to an ex - fuck you

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1 be nice to me 2 love me 3 hold me 4 fuck me into submission 5 be willing to hold me when im having a bad episode

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? i think maybe 2 years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? eyes and voice

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? besides fuck me into oblivion so im theirs forever?

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? dick or dick-like thing in hole that isnt a mouth or urethra or nose or ear

64. What is your definition of cheating? hooking up with someone without permission

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? give head

66. What is your favourite roleplay? i dont really roleplay in the bedroom

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? we spend the whole day together

68. What is your sexual orientation? currently i think im bisexual homoromantic but its always in flux and could change

69. What turns you off? being a dick or a nazi or a pedo or a trump supporting alt right weirdo

70. What turns you on? well if youre ever near me you can find out for yourself

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? being passed around like a doll between a group of people until i pass out

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? oh fuck yes. im simple

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? hold me

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? what hand someone is dominant with

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? i had an ex buy me a pyrrha cosplay, i dont wear it bc it reminds me of what i did to him and it brings a whole lot of dysphoria

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? make them cum?

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? so long as they arent super big like 20 years or if one person is still a teen im fine with them

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? if you call me a good girl or good kitten ill do anything you want

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? i feel jealous anytime i see a cute girl bc i want to look like them

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? a few minutes ago

81. Who are five people you find attractive? my girls (theres 3) anne hathaway, janelle monae, laura jane grace, and shawn spencer from psych

82. Who is the last person you hugged? fuck if i know

83. Who was your first kiss with? a girlfriend i had in high school

84. Why did your last relationship fail? ngl i misread this and thought it said a relationship, i didnt love her, i did my best to try to but i couldnt and i didnt want to hurt her anymore by pretending i could

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? i am currently dating 3 people online

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

My Trans Story

Story of my social and medical transition under the cut, I know its not trans day of visibility anymore but consider this a belated contribution. I hope it helps anyone who’s questioning, or even anyone whos curious about the experience. This is very long and has some mention of dysphoria, abuse, bullying but also has a happy ending so thats your warning:

The earliest I remember giving any indication of being trans was at five or six years old on my way to primary school with my mother (who I will mention was a fairly good mother at the time - this will be relevant later). I turned to her in my little green and white uniform dress and said “I’m a boy, aren’t I mum?” I’m not sure what prompted the question really curiosity maybe but my mother laughed it off - something I dont blame her for, kids say silly things all the time. I wouldn’t say I was a super boyish kid. Yeah I liked a bit of rough and tumble play, I was into pokemon cards, then yu-gi-oh, beyblades - which were all considered “boy” things when I was at school. I liked to play british bulldog and tag, and as I got older I’d get into Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons, The elder scrolls and other nerdy things which are seen as more unisex now but again in the time were considered “boy” interests. But I liked having long blond hair, and I was curious about make-up. I liked to bake and sew and weave, and as a child I even enjoyed knitting. I cried easily and got hurt often - I was accused of attention seeking through most of my childhood though even looking at myself critically I can only ever remember wanting validation. When I was hurt, when I’d achieved something I was proud of - my motivations were called into question when I sought out help or interest. I remember being heartbroken when art I’d worked on was dismissed or I was told the bad bruise I’d gotten was nothing to be upset over and to stop seeking attention. It set me on a path of questioning everything I did and why I did it.

Unfortunately I have a lot of memory gaps in the lead up to high school and through much of school.

Fairly early on in school though I came out as bisexual. Honestly I think a part of me was threatened by cis guys masculinity and that drove me to women. I had a fairly even number of girlfriends and boyfriends. One relationship the boy I was with implied being ready to try sex and we ended up breaking up not long after when I distanced myself. I didn’t know how to explain the discomfort with my own body that I didnt even understand. How I didn’t want to be touched in certain places or do certain things. I felt like a freak.

It didn’t help that I was already bullied pretty much from the get go in highschool, from age 11 I did have many friends and there were periods where I had none. I was bullied for my hair, for not having friends, for being gay, for being depressed. Hell sometimes I was bullied for being bullied - high school is weird. 

I was also... “bullied” by a “friend” who would hit me, talk down to me, at times wouldn’t let me sit on furniture. Once she choked me to the point of passing out among other things. Somehow I was still convinced she must like me on some level - why else would she hang out with me? I wish I’d known better. She introduced me to the concept of being transgender but not in a way I identified with. She told me about a documentary of “Boy becoming girls and girls becoming boys.” she told me “The girls that become boys are always still pretty, you can tell they were girls. But the boys that become girls, you cant tell they were boys they just look like ugly girls.” I imagine shes less ignorant now but its stuck with me.

Eventually around age 16 Two trans people spoke at my school. They talked about how they always felt different, things they’d disliked about themselves - the relief of coming out. I understood completely but my brief excitement was dashed by their talking about harassment and fear. I wrote my email address on a slip of paper and ‘please help’ which I put in the box they were collecting at the back of the room for any questioning youth. They never emailed me. I made an appointment with my doctor.

I actually begged my doctor to fix me, and he referred me to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) in Edinburgh. It took a full year to actually be seen there. I told some of my close friends about my concerns and confusion, and came out as genderfluid. I used a random R based male name to try and settle - knowing that as it was fandom related I’d change it later. When I spoke to the specialist at the GIC, I came out as a Trans Man, I felt validated. I came out to my family not long after and it was not well received. My cousin (who had spent every summer with us for as long as I could remember and I viewed like a sibling) died when I was 14. My godmother (his mother) died a year after. Within the ten years since my cousins death, he, my uncle on my mothers side, my great grandfather, my godmother, my gran and my grandad have all passed away. When I came out to my dad he begged me not to put more strain on our family. My mother turned to drink when I was only 14 and had worsened becoming more and more abusive as time went on. I’d had mental and physical health issues since the age of 8 and my experiences were being written off. My mother got worse, and I ended up being her full time carer for a few years. She was abusive, she hit me, she destroyed my things, she wrote on the walls and threatened me with knives. When a letter for my third GIC appointment came, (the appointment that would have gotten me hormones) I highly suspect it was my mother that destroyed it. I didn’t even know I’d been dropped from the list until six months later when I called to ask when my next appointment would be. I’d apparently missed it and for that reason they’d silently, without fuss, taken me off their active patients list. I was upset but handling my mother was enough strain for me not to fight my case for another few years. I went to attempt college for a second time in 2015 - nearly six years after I first came out, and four after my first GIC appointment. I called my best friend over to my house, and together we sighed 15 deedpolls changing my name and title legally. I contacted the clinic and got another appointment for that September. The doctor wanted longer - more appointments to get to know me, but after hearing I’d already had two with another doctor, had waited four years, had told the story I’ve told you now - she told me she wanted to get me on hormones for christmas. She rearranged her schedule and had me come in on december 9th, four days later I had my first doze of testosterone. I didn’t tell my father that I’d started hormones but I had told him prior that I was going to soon. My dad continued not to accept me, as did one of my tutors at college. I kept my head down and muscled through. I’d become so used to not passing that only 4 years later, when Im passing easily and consistently, its both a shock and yet somehow feels like its always been the case. I had top surgery on October 23rd 2017. To my surprise, my father came to the hospital. He’d said he wouldnt visit, but made the 4 hour drive anyway. Last summer, he started introducing my as his son to strangers. He started inviting me out for drinks with him and my brother. He treated me how I had always wanted. Sure he still drops the feminine endearments in - but I’m not going to fault him that. Everyone I meet assumes Im cis until I tell them otherwise. I was finally comfortable enough in 2017 to come out as gay, and I’m now engaged to my wonderful Fiance who is just beginning his own transition journey. My point? It gets better is a tired phrase that feels worn out by use. And no my life isn’t perfect but dysphoria and lack of love is definitely not the problem. Years ago I felt I’d never pass, I told people as much. I thought I was ugly, and unlovable. Now I like how I look, I Know i pass because people call me “sir” “Mr” ect. One of the tutors for the university I applied to was excited to “finally have a man in the class.” 

The journey is long, and at no point can you see the end of it. Eventually you just look back and see how far you’ve come. Stay strong. 

[death-noot]

1-116 👈👈😎

lez do this 

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? kinda just confused about whether or not im making the right choice moving back home idk 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? sure do

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? of course not 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? most of the time yeah 

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? trying to sleep 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? deffo my pal madi, we’ve done this multiple times

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? i honestly dont know 

8: Are you close with your dad? sure am

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? the human i kiss is 7 hours away from me so sadly i did not. 

10: What are you listening to? tell me that i’m wrong by future jr. 

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? fk me probably like juice or somethin 

12. Do you like hickeys? yess

13: What time do you go to bed? usually about 10ish

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? nah 

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? god no 

16: Do you always answer your texts? ya 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? nope i love her quite a bit 

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? earlier today

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? multiple people 

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?i hope we’re okay 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? nope  

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? definitely 

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? im much happier now 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? nah 

25: In the past week, have you cried? nope

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? kinda a navy blue 

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? yep 

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? dont think so 

29: Do you have a best friend? ye

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? depends on the context of the kisss 

31: Who was your last call from? my sister 

32: Are you mad at anyone? nope 

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? lol yes 

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 25 

35: How many more days until your birthday? fk like just under a year 

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? kinda  

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? not really 

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nope 

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? nope

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yuP

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? obviously yes like if someones in their teens but i feel like past that its not so bad 

42: Are you available? depends on what that means 

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? nose probs 

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? ye

46: Do you regret anything? REALLY regret leaving school 

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? my girlfriend bc im gay 

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? ye

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? no

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? she’s already mine but i never wanna stop trying to impress her 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? nope

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? yes jesus christ 

53: What was the last thing you ate? a schnitty 

54: Did you get any compliments today? dont think so 

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? goin to see the girly 

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yep 

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls 

58: Where have you lived most of your life? always lived in the same small town 

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? today 

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? nope

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? nope

62: Who do you text the most? Rach 

63: What was the last movie you saw? the happytime murders i think 

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? hopefully a lot of things

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? none lmfao 

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? only by a few months 

67: Do you curse around your parents? ye

68: Are you happy with where you live? fuck no 

69. Picture of yourself? i cbf right now i’ll post one tomorrow lmao  

70. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? monogamous, i get rly possessive lmao 

71. Have you ever been dumped? kinda 

72. What do you most like about making out? all the grabbing and lil noises   73. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? mhm

74. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? the other 

75. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? eyes 

76. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? rach 

77. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? nope 

78. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? nope 

79. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? rach, jesus im soft 

80. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? probably not

81. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? ya 

82. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? not really 

83. Do you miss your last sweetie? what does this mean 

84. Last time you slow danced with someone? nope 

85. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? kinda 

86. How can I win your heart? be urself, make me laugh, do nice things for me

87. What is your astrological sign? scorpio 

88. What were you doing last night at 12 AM? sleepin 

89. Do you cook? not often 

90. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? nope

91. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? 

92. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? i feel like i fall into monogamy pretty quick 

93. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? funny, kind, considerate, 

94. Name four things that you wish you had: money, full licence, money, money

95. Are you a player? nah 

96. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? nope

97. Are you a tease? I’ve been told i can be lmao 

98. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? i think so 

99. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? rn  

100. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? platonic dates sure 

101. Hugs or Kisses? b o t h 

102. Are you too shy to ask someone out? usually lmao 

103. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? how tall they are or their hair tbh 

104. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? luv it 

105. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? tbh probably i’m a dick 

106. Do you flirt a lot? not really 

107. Your last kiss? rach 

108. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011? how old is this 

109. Have you kissed anyone in the past month? ye 

110. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? r a ch 

111. Do you know who you’ll kiss next? guess 

112. Does someone like you currently? u kno it 

113. Do you currently have feelings for anyone? this is so repetitive 

114. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? relationships

115. Ever made out with just a friend? no

116. Are you happier single or in a relationship? relationship

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior 

[i-amusemyself]

1 To 116.

Thanks anon!! Thats my boredom cured for the evening

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m actually not confused right now, which is a bloody rarity. I suppose I could say I’m slightly confused about my gender, but I try not to think about that tbh

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Occasionally, though to be fair I’m never awake in the mornings atm lmao

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

On a rare occasion? No. All the time? Probably.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no lmao have you met people?

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Umm...I was with my bf..

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my mate from uni @bookdragonphoenix

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Instant break up. No excuses for that.

8: Are you close with your dad?

Hoo boi that’s complicated! It varies honestly, but more so than some people I guess

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Yeah

10: What are you listening to?

I’m listening to Ke$ha’s Die Young. It’s a tune okay?

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Coke Cola (that is how you spell it right? Fuck im dumb). I live off it anyway tbh

12: Do you like hickeys?

Um, I like getting them but I get embarrased if some people see them lmfao

13: What time do you go to bed?

Like 12am? Usually about 2 hours after I’m tired enough to sleep smh

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Besides me? I guess a couple of people that are...distant friends and possibly a few family members, not to call anyone out

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Well no lmao

16: Do you always answer your texts?

90% of them

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

I don’t know who I fell the hardest for. I don’t really recall past emotions that well.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Todayy

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

3 or 4 people yeah!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Fuck me I don’t know. Probably ughhh can I fall asleep pls

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope. I havent even seen another human today lmao

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

To an extent, but it’s not always guaranteed unfortunately

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Fuck no lmao

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

That depends on the definition of fix. If it solely relies on me doing things different, then no. But if it means someone else can themselves be fixed, sure.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Nah, wish I could though I feel like I need to

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Grey

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Not people I see anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Don’t think so. I think people are just busy.

29: Do you have a best friend?

I have multiple

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Very :/

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

@oneshappyplace bc she loves it when i throw random shit her way and vice versa

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I mean besides the people I have long term issues with? Nah

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Haha yeah

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

20. Oh jeeeeesus christ that’s a scary fucking thought. Nope-ing away from that.

35: How many more days until your birthday?

8 months ish?

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m going away to quite a few places. There’s more I want to do but I don’t know if it will ever get organised.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Besides my bf, not good ones. 

Edit: I completely forgot about one of my friends, yes I do

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Not intentionally. Idk. Don’t ask don’t tell I guess.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yeah bc it aint anyones business

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I don’t think so. 

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

To an extent. Massive age gaps are weird, especially if one of them is hella young

42: Are you available?

Nein

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Eyebrow piercing

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

I guess? I mean I probs couldn’t do that but I guess for others 

46: Do you regret anything?

So fucking much omfg

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

How shit I am at communication. I’m really starting to get mad at myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

In a way, yeah

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I...am ig

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yup

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Wow this is relentless with the kissing. Yah

53: What was the last thing you ate?

An orange

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Nope

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Suffolk for latitude festival. How I ended up going there is a long story lmao

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Tons of stuff I guess. I mean I’m wearing my ohio state tshirt haha

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

In the middle of england

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Fucking hell, like 7 or 8 weeks ago when I came back to uni

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Who hasn’t?

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nah 

62: Who do you text the most?

Probably @oneshappyplace or @apricot-el they get all my bs

63: What was the last movie you saw?

It’s called Chronicle, it was p good

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Don’t fekkin ask that lmao! Hopefully the fact they’re happy and their ex is now miles away

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

Zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Nein

67: Do you curse around your parents?

Yeah, much to their dislike

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yeah, but I’m only here for 3 more weeks

69: Picture of yourself?

No chance. Just imagine stereotypical androgenous kid, but lanky af

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Personally I prefer monogamy

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Um...I actually can’t remember

72: What do you most like about making out?

Feeling wanted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (sweet sweet depression and anxiety)

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Nah

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Strangely enough, me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

I cannot seriously pick one part

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

You guessed it it’s @oneshappyplace

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

I mean I’m alone

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Just cute unexpected gestures I suppose

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

I mean, maybe not currently but who knows if I was older

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Just my closest friends and the person I have a crush on *eye roll*

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

No

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Years ago

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

I mean I’ve met them now but yes 

86: How can I win your heart?

Be a kind, understanding human being with a damn good sense of humor

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Bothering friends lmao

89: Do you cook?

Occasionally. I used to a lot more but depression

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Yeah, but it only ever seems to be me making the effort, so every time I’ve let them go again

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

see like all previous answers lol

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Monogamous stuff

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I honestly don’t know. I can never figure out my type, just, hotness lmao

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

Dopamine, money, the power to help others more...thats it thats all I want

95: Are you a player?

Nein

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Nope

97: Are you a tease?

I can be but not in a cruel way

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Two people and we’re still close

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

That’s a loaded question yikes. I dont know.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

I mean I don’t know their tumblr but yh

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both. I can’t choose. I’m bi.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Probs idk

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

....their face?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Sure

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Not until I knew wtf they were playing at

106: Do you flirt a lot?

I’m hopeless at it

107: Your last kiss?

Yesterday

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

I haven’t kissed that many people, full stop.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Yikes see 107

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

The bae tbh

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

I have a p good idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

I fekkin hope so

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yeah lmao

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious shit 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Once when drunk 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

In a relationship, for sure

[neoplasmic]

vent post i might be discussing some aspects of pedophilia and homophobia and teh like.

im not going to say seeing amy rose's titties when i was like 11 like traumatized me or whatever but yeah the more people talk about it the more you realize ... yeah maybe being exposed to a barrage of weird porn at a young age like consistently did fuck me up a little bit. & maybe impacted my relationship with sexuality significantly. especially when it’s like. it’s one thing where like... it feels like some people prioritize jerking off over literally everything else like all earthly affairs and such are literally nothing compared to the attachment they feel to their anime women. if you criticize the porn tehy masturbate to you might as well be pissing in their mother’s face it has the same emotional impact there is no lower blow. ok but like these sort of people like literally arent even concerned with the age of the fictional people they jerk off to or like the moral aspects of it so many i guess “twitter sexywomen” are like. 14 year old girls. & it’s not even just in these weird niche circles of internet fuck ups its like long before then “teen” porn has been a popular genre. the predation of teenagers feels like its present in everything like even in things that should be “safe”... not just teenage girls either and spending 5 min in the proximity of a “fandom mom” will tell you that but that specific thing affects me the most as a Teen Girl. shit by grown adults that draws focus to their bodies or especially when it portrays them as the “gold digger” type or lusting after older men (im just gonna come out and be like ... mona from warioware her whole design and the way she is treated in the games and ESPECIALLY by people in “fandom” ... ive never been so homicidal) again as a teen girl it makes you feel so unsafe . like adults dont care about your safety or emotional wellbeing or about protecting you at all. teh people that produce overtly pedophilic pornography or like incest porn are literally given free range to do and say whatever they want and they receive literally like bare minimum ostracization for it. literally the worst treatment they get is people making jokes at their expense where realistically these people should be on a fucking watchlist or in jail . and people who encourage these fucking lunatics. these deliberately dangerous people. by saying its their weird fetish to cope or whatever. THERAPY. or im gonna kill you. it has literally filled me with such violent abject hatred since like day 1 that i share air with these people and i cant escape them. and everyone else doesnt do their part to harass these people out of public spaces like back into teh hell pit they come from. but you’re so hopelessly angry and scared and why. abt something that most other people probably just see as kind of weird or irrational. because obviously these people are still like visible. it makes you feel so alone and insane. and every time i see someone bitching abt purity culture or antis or “not actually caring” abt victims of such and such ... im filled with such a real rage but its just hopeless you know. & it has to some extent impacted how i view myself and other’s expressions of sexuality ... this is like what i think i need to go to therapy for but i dont really want to talk about it because i think it makes me sound insane. like even hearing other people talk about boobs is like -__- seriously. but that’s me. tahts literally you you like boobs what’s your problem. if you’re actually still reading this at this point dont take this as like legit criticism of like you as a person or like think im gonna start asking you to trigger tag titties because i know this is objectively irrational and that im like mentally unstable. like the closest thing i have to an explanation for why im so weird in the head abt it is that i guess ive internalized teh Abject Terror or whatever & now my brain thinks Girl + Sex = Scary?? and something feels wrong with me even now ... i feel like ppl probably note my Bihet nature & that i guess i talk about fictional men more than fictional women . but like that and like . It’s not like it’s necessarily common to hear people talking about man tits and ass. So i feel alone in my insanity but also not because people agree with me ... as they should. -__- You can talk about wanting to peg a man and it’s like. Well it’s not like it’s a societally acceptable talking point. EA or bestheda or whatever isn’t gonna announce a game wth a sexy male lead in like tit windows or whatever but then you’re like “ i want to fuck a girl “ and suddenly your brains like ????? 404 Stable Relationship With Sexuality Not Found so you’re like ehehe strap and then you’re like I’m literally going to kill myself. Uhh whatever. it’s not like im not attracted to women i know this fucking intuitively but my brain just . Ugghhh plus it would be nice to have like one female character that you could look at and be confident that people arent drawing hyper lactation inflation impregnation 4K cunt shitting porn of but god hates everyone.  Also i am like genuinely afraid of most unfamiliar adults just as a footnote. Fuck off

[thelifetimechannel]

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