#im not putting this in the main tags are you kidding. this is an intimate moment between me and my wife.

[todayisafridaynight]

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

[mattybsgroupie]

MASTERLIST

— open here to read my stories ♡⊹𑄽୧

ABOUT ME

hello! my name is maria, i'm 21 and a matt girl for life. i became a fan of the triplets last year, but only had the guts to write again a few months ago and i'm so thankful i've been receiving great feedbacks from you guys and having such a good time here in this community.

i do not talk very often here cause it’s mainly for my stories, but i am online everyday at @bimboparis, my main account! that’s where i’ll be liking and following you guys from! im pretty chill and silly so feel free to dm me whenever you wanna chat! :) i don’t bite (unless you want me to)

i only write smut and the only rule in my blog is that i don’t do drama. i won’t be participating in any of it, so don’t even bother putting my name out there or inboxing me with gossip. if you have any issues with me please reach out and we’ll immediately fix it. my dms are always open so if there’s anything i’ve done that somehow bothered you, please let me know. i’m here to post fanfics and have a good time, that’s all.

♡⊹𑄽୧

MATT STURNIOLO

SUB!MATT

 MINE ➳ when matt claims that you’re only his, you show him he’s also gotta be only yours.

LATE NIGHT RIDES 1 ➳ you and matt have some fun in his van while waiting for his brothers at a party.

LATE NIGHT RIDES 2 ➳ you and matt know you shouldn’t be doing this so often, but matt just can’t resist you in that dress.

MISBEHAVE ➳ matt kept calling you “mama” because he wanted your attention, even if that meant being punished later.

PRETTY ➳ matt needs reassurance after reading nasty comments about his looks, and you make sure to show your boy just how pretty he is.

SLEEPOVER ➳ you and matt can’t fall asleep, and him calling you “mommy” definitely didn’t help.

HOMEWORK ➳ matt is the smartest guy in class, and you’ve been needing some help with your homework.

SECRET ➳ matt finds out you have a dildo and wants to see if you can fuck him as good as he fucks you.

MOVIES ➳ you and matt have fun at the same movie theater you started dating as kids.

ASSIGNMENT ➳ matt is a very good tutor, but he’s getting distracted by how short your skirt is.

♡⊹𑄽୧

DOM!MATT

FIRSTS ➳ after a rough week, matt gives you a massage that leads to your first time.

TAPE ➳ you lost the flashcard where matt kept all of your intimate moments and as your punishment, you're recording a sex tape on a new one.

TRIP ➳ after going to las vegas, matt misses you more than you’d imagined.

CALL ➳ matt can’t keep his mouth shut after seeing your new lingerie set. he needed to see you wearing it, even if it’s through a video call.

MORNINGS ➳ waking up to a needy matt and having slow, sleepy sex with him.

BIRHTDAY ➳ after not celebrating his birthday, matt punishes you, even when you wear his favorite lingerie.

SECRET 2 ➳ matt knows you love his cock, but he also knew you had a good time with your dildo. he wants to fuck you with both.

♡⊹𑄽୧

CHRIS STURNIOLO

DOM!CHRIS

DRESS ➳ chris gives you a helping hand when your earring gets stuck on your dress.

♡⊹𑄽୧

NEXT WORKS

ATTITUDE ➳ you and matt never clicked well. this until you guys had to spend a whole night sleeping on the same bed.

RIDE ➳ it’s your first rodeo and matt teaches you how to ride.

CAUGHT ➳ matt needed you so much he didn’t mind the risk of getting caught.

♡⊹𑄽୧

if you want to be tagged in my new stories, please leave a 🌸 emoji in the comments down below!

requests are always open — i might take some time to post but i’ll definitely write it, please be patient with me. same goes for my inbox and dms, come talk to me whenever you want!

asks, requests and chats are under the #ask maria tag!

THANK YOU ♡

[frecklystars]

Hi Keri sweetie 💕 I was wondering what your heart emojis mean when you put "for Ken" and you put different hearts for different characters? Why not just use the same heart for all of them, why are they different? I love your blog and tbh this is just an excuse for me to send you an ask because I want to interact with you but Im too shy. xD

Hi anon!! :D I'm shy too, I get it, you can always send me a message whenever you want tho I promise I don't bite, hehe <3

Thank you so much for asking, that's so nice! I like using different hearts just because it's fun :] I associate a lot of F/Os with different colors. Since my main F/Os right now are Ryan characters, those are the only ones who have the "for" tag. Like... if I see a photoset of horses, I'll think "aw, Ken would love this. I wish I could reblog this and add my Ken ship tag, but I don't want horses in my ship tag. It has nothing to do with our ship. It's just something Ken likes and it reminds me of him. Oh well." and then later I figured "hey, wait. It's my blog. I can literally tag Ken if I want to -- who's gonna stop me, the fun police??"

"For Ken 💘", I used an arrow-through-heart emoji because of the choreography in I'm Just Ken where he mimics stabbing himself through the chest, and another piece of choreo in the beginning where he mimics shooting an arrow across the room. In my head I sometimes imagine my F/Os seeing me and getting "shot thru the heart" with a cupid's arrow, exploding with hearts and stars and their eyes are sparkling and they've got a lovesick grin - that "love at first sight" kinda cartoon thing - I think it's very fitting for Ken!

Other F/Os I use colors, like Luke I associate with green because he is in The Pines™ and my favorite outfit is the one where he wears his green neckerchief, so when I see things that remind me of him I add the tag "For Luke 💚" with the green heart emoji! and I associate Driver with the color blue because of his denim jacket making his blue eyes really stand out, so his tag is "For Driver 💙" :)

As for Lars, he's special, he gets the emoji with the ribbon around it! "For Lars 💝" !! He's a romantic sweetheart, it could be like a box of chocolates, or tbh the colors just give a toy vibe! Ryan has said in interviews that Lars' love for Bianca is like when a kid loves their teddy bear - it doesn't love you back, but you love it anyway, and if you lose it, it's devastating to you. I think the pink heart with the yellow ribbon around it has the same kind of... energy, if that's the word I'm looking for :D?

And "For Court ❤️" is for Sierra Six from The Gray Man :3c the emoji itself isn't all that special, I just associate him with the color red - but really I wanted to put his actual name in his "for (F/O)" tag. I think it's more intimate/romantic that way, especially since the things I mainly tag him in are angels (since he's my guardian angel) and it's a bit more tender to use his true name instead of the one he had no choice but to take. I read a magazine where Ryan said Six really really really wishes he could be on an actual-name basis with someone for once and you KNOW I had to jump onto that 😂

Anyway!! Thank you for asking :D

[atlasifyllm]

This or That: Writer Edition!!!

open tag from @kudzucataclysm ! open tag for yall too bc i just wanted to ramble with this akjbfgksd

historical or futuristic

I tend to focus either a changed version of our era or the future, ORR just completely rewrite history with batshit insane worldbuilding. As for SUL I really like the mix between futuristic and fantasy elements, like RWBY or Lego Monkie Kid; but I don't really tend to go past the 2000s millenia for my stories lmao

2. the opening chapter or closing chapter

Whenever I have a story I feel like I have a vague plot and only the Point B. Openings are SUPER hard because you have to make sure you hook the reader with the most basic, not-developed-yet versions of the characters. Even harder in trying to study pilot episodes as an animation major @_@.

Fun fact, SUL's ending scene has been the same since 2017!

3. light & fluffy or dark & gritty

I really like exploring darker topics; it'd be a real challenge for me to make something 90% wholesome. However I always want some form of happy ending despite all the darkness. Even looking at the Winter Boys, Cobalt gets his arm cut off, Ventus loses his girlfriend and gets used by his former gang members, and Nix... Nix goes through a lot akjbgsdkgsd, but all of them still find happiness in the end

4. animal companion or found family

Found family! The struggle with animal companions is simply just, not forgetting that they exist lmao. Especially as someone who tends to just do normal dog/cat animals, none of the animal companions are sentient enough to carry themselves. My main stories (SUL, ETSS, AuAg) all have elements of found family :] bc at least I can explore the emotional range of a human more than my dog lmao

5. horror or romance

im a huge wuss ngl KBSGJKSGS all of my pure horror concepts tend to get fueled into Last Light because of how much of a wuss i am JBSKGJS. Even though I chose romance I never tend to make it the MAIN focus of a story; CoRi in SUL you see the middle point, fallout, and (hopefully) getting back together, though the main point of SUL would be exploring the trust issues between ALL Paladins and not just the ones romantically involved. Venpris is technically a side piece in AuAg's general crime plot (as tender and intimate as they are), and ofc ETSS has space-apple wars to wage in between all the LuxNex fluff

6. hard or soft magic system

I need a hard system bc Im too stupid to make a soft one JKBFGSKJGD

I guess for SUL actual "magic" tends to be pretty soft since it's implied witchcraft is something gods have gifted to mortals BUT in all fairness I'm still plotting the witchcraft elements of SUL

For actual elemental powers I'm still constantly adding rules and this or that for SUL characters simply because it feels more organized and thus more organized for me to put into a plot lol

7. standalone or series

Seriessss I grew up with MLP multiple seasons, Yugioh + Yugioh GX multiple seasons,,, heck also RWBY and Lego Monkie Kid multiple seasons. I dont tend to get SUPER attached to specific movies, especially standalones, so my brain just sorta automatically tries to write stuff as if they're multiple season projects. ETSS and SUL have the most obvious season-by-season plots, though AuAg so far I'm not super sure about BUT definitely feel like it'd span multiple episodes

8. one project at a time or always juggling two+

I always hyperfixate on one at a time JBSKDJSG in between bursts of SUL it's been ETSS, sprinkles of AuAg, then that brief period of JMON in Fall 2021.

9. one award winner or one best seller

I'm not really sure if I have a preference for either of these tbh LMAO I just wanna create and hope theyre successful enough to carry me throughout life

10. fantasy or sci-fi

Im too stupid for sci fi tbh JBSKJGS I always worry about getting this or that wrong so I tend to go pretty fantasy bc I have fun worldbuilding it knowing I can just do batshit whatever like the very first instances of SUL basically mixing YuGiOh and MLP logic akjbfskdg.

11. character or setting description

I may be an art major but I'm an art major who hasn't done proper backgrounds since high school JKBGKSJGS I think a lot of my descriptions are pretty clunky In General but characters are easier since I always have character designs first before environmental design

12. first or final draft

A lot of my work at the moment is based off of doing things quickly. The Atlasify comics, my own writing, heck my art too. I don't like spending too long on certain projects or such so technically all of my work is first drafts bc I wanna get stuff done first instead of never finishing one project

13. love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs

Technically both ETSS and SUL have somewhat love triangle moments but

a.) ETSS is more an exploration on identity than romance

b.) the SUL love triangle is literally between turqbalt's two identities and rina

BUT god I'd rather have no romantic arcs at all than actual love triangle moments. Do you know how many teleseryes have the cheesiest cliche love triangles? No thank u I wanna do all or nothing

14. constant sandstorm or rainstorm

i love the rain :] the air is fresh and the plants look greener. i dont think my asthma would love lots of sand tbh

[moreeels]

I love P03

I love P03

I am married to P03

P03 I love

Marriage is strong

P03 and Skeleton

Together forever

Together forever

Together forever

P03 and Skeleton

Together forever

Together forever

Together forever

I love P03, so much love

‘cause love it doesn’t matter

If one is a robot

And the other is human yeah

As long as you

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Sing with me p03

Love

[total misplay]

Love

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Love

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Love

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Love

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Love

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Love

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Love

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Love

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Love

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P03 and I got married in Inscryption

Back in March

It was love at first sight

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Sing with me P03

Love

[total misplay]

Love

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Love

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Love

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P03 powerful Scrybe over-protective of me

P03 powerful Scrybe over-protective of me

P03 is so over-protective because

There’s a lot of powerful Scrybes out there that could turn me into a card

Into a card

P03 is a powerful Scrybe of Technology it loves me so much

P03 is a powerful Scrybe of Technology it loves me so much

I am married to a Scrybe of Technology

I love P03

I love P03

I love P03

I will enter the game to P03

We love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Love each other

Sing with me P03

Love

[total misplay]

Love

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Love

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Love

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[vanyaliful]

what are u mad abt in the mandolorian finale? u mentioned it in the tags

having slept on it doesn't mean i can manage to make it more articulate in english im sorry lmao also ppl in the fandom have talked about this probably way more clearly than i will, but ill give it a try

- the more and more the season went on, the less din felt like a main character, and it was ever more obvious in the finale. i felt like stuff happened to him, instead of him actually deciding to act. it felt less and less about Din’s story and more and more about everyone else’s mess. and as emotional as the last scene was, between the dark saber drama, moff's and bo's bitching, luke's dramatic entrance, beepoop im R2 the funny robot, i felt like din and grogu were a sideplot.

- maybe it has to do w/ how we consume media on tumblr but i feel like they hyped us for that baby yoda and din reunion and the payoff was meh. i would have LOVED to see din on a rampage in the ship like he did in The Prisoner. i feel like the way they approached the rescue was very subdued compared to the big menacing message din sent just before. where's the crazy feral dad ready to do anything to save his kid??? also there wasn't a real reunion scene (was din worried about the baby, his well being, what they did to him??? could you tell about the scene he got him back?? i couldn't), and while i enjoyed the duel between moff and din a lot, i think it could've been longer and higher stakes than it was

- and now the Luke Problem:  relying to much on canon and nostalgia. what made the appeal of the mandalorian to me is that it was different from the shitshow of the sequels, that we got to explore unknown corners  of this galaxy, away from the skywalkers' story, that it was about this lonely dude (that knows nothing about what happened in the galaxy btw and that says a lot) and his kid. the writing was innovative in terms that it was unexpected and fresh, that it didn't feel like rehashing the same story and characters over and over. bringing back the main character of the film series did exactly the opposite, and i feel like they're going in a direction thats tying back the big events, and losing the identity of the show and what made it so popular. 

also the sheer number of cameos this season definitely contributed to the feeling of din being send to the background, and luke's arrival, in all it's theatricality, was the cherry on top. i mean the climax of the episode should have been about grogu and din but instead i feel the spotlight was kinda. all over the place.

- the helmet/armor/creed problem. the fact is, since the beginning of the show they've built on this, that the helmet should never come off or else he could never put it back on. events in s2 surely made din question this, especially after the scene in the imperial base. but we never actually got to see the evolution of his mindset about his creed regarding his attachement to the kid. like it didn't seem to me like he suddenly had a big reveal that his life rule was wrong and that he should forsaken his creed?? at all??? the two times he had to break it before the finale was against his will, in frankly traumatic moments and it wouldn't have made sense to him after those to go "oh yeah i removed it twice so i guess it doesn't matter anymore" no!! to me the logical thought was "he had to remove his helmet bc he put himself in dire circumstances for this kid, which means he can finally recognize him as family, which means he can be vulnerable in front of him" not a full room of people + his worst enemy + a complete stranger!!! what i mean is that it would have made more sense to me that he reveals himself to the kid  in a more intimate scene, away from everyone, as a real act of "i care about YOU so i can show YOU my face". what i mean is that i don't see the point of din revealing his face to everyone when it should have been about revealing his face to grogu bc he cares about grogu specifically. it's what the narration pointed towards this whole time.

- maybe a bit mad abt the cgi. in my wildest dreams i didn't even imagine they would bring luke back, bc this technology wasn't really a success in rogue one and i really did not want to see it again; but maybe im just picky

as i said im always happy to see luke, that mark got to play him again. his entrance  was rly cool, i got goosebumps. im not mad that luke took the baby, grogu chose to go with him, narratively it made sense and star wars is about letting go of things for the better (not that it doesn't break my heart). but all of this... just felt off to me.

i guess it all hinges on what they'll do with din in the next season. will we know more of what he thought of breaking his creed, how will he approach the whole mandalore mess, and how he'll grieve his lost kid/get him back

[missnxthingg]

what about having a scary movie marathon with the boys (tom, haz, harry, sam, tuwaine) and getting a little too touchy with haz? and maybe the guys start teasing like the divs they are lol ily 💖

Missnxthingg’s Birthday Sleepover Party

Halloween Prompts

Pairing - Harrison Osterfield x Reader 

Word Count - 1.5K

A/N: Soooo, I got a little carried away and turned this into a one-shot (probably). I was bored and I loooooved your request. So thank you and I hope you enjoy it.

main masterlist | taglist | main blog

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"So, what are you guys doing for Halloween?" You were having a nice evening with the boys at the pub, and thinking that maybe you could do that again soon.

"Horror movie marathon!" Harry cheered. "Starts at sunset and goes all the way to sunrise."

"It's our little tradition." Sam added. “We dress up in Halloween themed pajamas or a comfortable costume.”

"Harry picks the movies and we all watch it together." Tuwaine explained a little bit more.  “Then we sleep for the rest of November 1st because we’re tired.”

"You should come this year." Tom asked and all the boys nodded in agreement.

You really wanted to say yes. Ever since you became a part of their little group, you were comfortable and you wanted to spend some more time with them. Plus, you had a massive crush on Harrison and even though he always gives you the signal that he likes you too, you've never even kissed once.

And you really wanted to spend some time with him, because you always longed for those small moments together. But you hated scary because you were terrified of them. Although, you would never admit it to anyone.

"Oh, thank you for the offer but I don't wanna be a burden."

"Come on, it will be fun." Harrison nudged your side and smiled softly. "I would love to have you there." 

All the boys smirked with your little interaction, which made you blush a little and lower your sight to your drink. You took a big gulp before replying:

"Okay, sure. It will be nice."

But if you were being honest, everything was building your nerves up since that night at the pub. Not only the fact that you were going to watch horror movies, but also the fact that you would be spending the whole night at Harrison's house. It didn't matter if a whole bunch of other people would tag along, it still felt intimate.

So you put up your best Halloween themed outfit when you dressed up with your skeleton pajama jumpsuit. You did want to feel comfortable, but you also wanted to look cool. And that was a good way to do that. When the sun was starting to set, you drove to the boy’s place and found the driveway decorated with carved pumpkins and tombstones. The boys really put some effort into the decoration.

You knocked on the door and Harrison opened it up dressed as Freddy Krueger, but with sweatpants. He was holding a bowl of candy and a weird smile on his face, which softened when he saw who it was. He thought it would be just some kids from the neighbourhood asking for candy, but it was actually you - the girl he was in love with.

“Trick or treat!” You said with an exciting smile on your face.

“Hey, (Y/N). Happy Halloween.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Please, come in!”

You were the last to arrive. Well, to be fair, Tom, Harrison, Harry and Tuwaine lived in that house and Sam lived just a little further down the road, so it was only fair that they arrived early. But Sam’s girlfriend was already wrapped around him as they chose the best position to cuddle into the movie, and all the boys were already groaning because the girls they invited said they would not be coming.

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s just start this thing.” Harry shrugged as he pressed play on the movie.

“Uhm, sorry. They are a bit boring today.” Harrison whispered since A Nightmare Before Christmas was already playing on the TV. “There’s no place left on the big couch, but I guess we can squeeze in the two-seat couch.”

“It’s okay for me.”

“Come on, I got us a pumpkin blanket.”

Spending time with Harrison was awesome, and this was probably the closest you’ve ever been to the boy. He made sure to share a blanket with you as you watched the first movie. He shared his popcorn and even invited you to give some candy to the kids that were knocking on the door. By now, the movie night was going pretty well because the movie wasn’t scary at all.

But the next movie on the list was The Ring and you were terrified of it. You tried to hide it from everyone, but eventually, you would wince and jump scared of what you were watching. Once you even hide your face on Harrison’s shoulder after a little scream.

“Hey, are you okay?” He whispered and you shook your head, still not looking at the TV. “Oh, you’re scared.”

“A little.” You groaned and felt the boy wrap his arms around you.

“It’s okay, I got you.” You felt comfortable and safe with him, so you melted into his hug. 

“Harrison is showing off as a protective boyfriend, y’all.” Harry teased and the boys all laugh.

“What a tough boy.” Tuwaine tease. “I want a hug too, Hazzy. I’m scared.”

“Come on, just kiss already.” Tom teased and all the boys agreed.

“Hey, fuck off! She’s scared.” Harrison pressed her a little tighter on his chest and threw daggers with his eyes at the boys.

For the rest of the night, you were secured with him. The other movies weren’t so scaring with him holding you. When you were feeling afraid, you would grip on his hand tightly and he would distract you. And it was actually very comfortable. On the third movie, he spent the whole thing petting your hair and listening to some other jokes from the boys. And on the fourth movie, you lied your head on his shoulder and played with his hand.

By the time it was 4 am, you were starting to get a little sleepy. The boys were still hyped with Monster House -  lighter movie after a few very scary movies - but you were definitely fancying some sleep. Also, you were a little cold, so you sneaked off to the kitchen to make yourself some tea.

“Come on, Harrison. Go kiss her!” Tom whispered once you were off and Harrison rolled his eyes.

“Just leave us alone.”

“Haz, she’s so into you. The way she looks at you…” Tuwaine said and a small smile cracked on the blonde’s face.

“And you’ve been holding each other all night.” Sam finished.

“Just go ask her to stay the night with you.” Harry finished. Harrison suddenly had a wave of confidence hitting his body and he smiled widely.

“I’ll go after her.” He whispered and the boys silently cheered.

He found you in the kitchen, pouring hot tea in a cup. You smiled warmly to see him and made sure to pour another one for him because you knew he was a sucker for tea and wouldn’t deny some. He silently thanked for the tea and sat next to you.

“Thank you for making my night a little better, Haz.” You nudged him. “I’m very scared of horror movies and I’m thankful to have someone to help me feel a little better.”

“It’s nothing. I’ll always make you feel safe if I can.” He smiled warmly back. “Uhm, I like you, (Y/N). I like you a lot. And tonight’s been pretty amazing.”

“I like you too, Hazzy. A lot.” He put a stray of your hair behind your ear and licked his lips.

“C-can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” You smiled before feeling his lips against yours.

The kiss brought a little sweetness to this scary Halloween night. You were tired, but you were willing to stay awake until the sunrise just kissing him. It didn’t last long, but it was a perfect first kiss, and you felt like it wasn’t going to be the last of the night.

“Are you tired?” He asked, very close to your lips.

“A little, but… I don’t wanna go to sleep right now.”

“We can watch the rest of Monster House cuddled up on the couch and ditch them after the movie.” He suggested. “I really would love if you spent the night. I-If that’s not too much for you.”

“Of course! I would love to cuddle and watch the rest of the movie. And I’ll actually accept staying over because there’s no way I’m sleeping alone in my apartment after The Ring.” You laughed once again and kissed one more time before going back to the living room.

The boys all cheered loudly when they saw you two come back to the living room together and holding hands. You didn’t care, deciding to only sit on Harrison’s lap and rest your head on his chest. He left many kisses across your face, and even stole some from your lips. You did steal some back and you were enjoying it a lot. The boys did tease you a little more, but you didn’t care because you had each other.

And that was definitely the best night of sleep you had in your life. Harrison made you feel safe and feel loved, so you weren’t scared at all. He would always be there to hold you whenever you need it. He is your safe haven.

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁ ⋙ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST!⋘

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[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[alicentsgf]

i feel like with the rise of skywalker coming out soon i just want to talk about this now, before the moment passes.

i dont know how many of my current followers were around for or are aware of that weird couple of years where rey skywalker believers and rey solo 'truthers' were pitted against each other for some strange reason? but, to recap: my rey solo theories got thousands of notes overnight. my main one got reposted on facebook half a million times. peter mayhew put it on his personal page. i made a thousand fucking dollars in commission in one month! at one point i had over twice as many followers as i had posts. i had more attention than i had ever bargained for.

but i Loved making the theories so damn much so i kept writing them. i just didn't know how to deal with the negative reaction; i played it really chill at the time - internalising that 'dont let them see you bleed' mentality.

i didnt want them to know they hurt me for a long time but i've changed my mind - now i do.

in the years between TFA and TLJ i had a seemingly small but semi-dedicated hate following who used to gather on various sites and talk shit about me like they knew me... basically just say hurtful bullshit. i guess they maybe thought i would never see it but didnt seem to care either way whether i did or not. after all, they never censored my url or anything. it encouraged hate - since they named me specifically so often their followers/friends would follow their lead and come be awful in my inbox. my own followers would link me to it, and i know they were just trying to warn me or something but honestly i didnt want to be warned, i wanted to be ignorant.

i was only 17 when TFA came out and grown adults were suddenly publically shit talking me and encouraging their followers to tell me i was delusional and stupid and to shut up.

it made me so paranoid. i was essentially a child and only 3 months out of a serious depressive episode when it all started so i wasn't really emotionally equipped to deal with it. especially not at the volume at which it came.

i got threatened. i honestly thought they might dox me. i eventually deleted all my selfies and any overtly specific personal stuff but it was so hard to be sure i got it all especially since once something gets reblogged on here its out of your hands forever. so i lived in and out of this kinda paranoid state. i was out as Bi on here and not to my family and suddenly there was this group who hated me and threatening me who knew something so intimate about me. And Then (irony) people came after me saying i was faking being the age i was bc i had nothing proving it ? that was fun. i knew i couldn't prove myself without exposing myself and that lead to the worst panic attack i had over the whole thing.

So, about my theory and where it is now, because i still get asks: It no longer exists publically and hasnt for almost 2 years. I didn't so much delete it as Let it get taken down by the news site hosting it. its still on my computer somewhere but honestly i didn't and don't want the conversation started up again properly because i know what it came with. i got asked so many times to update the theory for TLJ but the fact that TLJ allowed me and my theory to be forgotten was kinda a relief. i did a podcast called 'The Fordcast' around the time i was feeling really awful and i used to find it so embarrassing to play back because you can just Hear in my voice how broken i was discussing the topic by that point - this was in the months before TLJ came out. its awful but on some level i think at the time i was glad TLJ was shit? it gave me a good reason to take a big step back from the fandom.

the Only thing that ever made any of the hate worth it was the support i had from other fans and the discussions i had with them on this blog. i used to constantly tag how much i Loved this little community who sent me nice, interesting asks and like Shit i meant it - that was the main reason i kept on posting for a long time. so thank you. thank you so much if you were one of those people.

most of the indviduals who participated in and encouraged the hate against me are still pretty prominent on tumblr (f not in the star wars fandom anymore) and im not about to start shit. it was over two years ago. i never have and never will name names.

i know they probably dont and never have given me a second thought, but they, at least in part, ruined something i loved for me. i dont know if they'll ever see this but i wish they would because i want them to realise i wasnt some faceless unfeeling theory generator, no matter how prolific my theories were. i was an 17/18 yr old kid who was very aware of the nasty shit they were saying about me and it had a very real impact on my life.

[armsdealing]

▌real name: marcelo giancarlo reyes marconi. ▌single or taken: single or taken depending on the timeline.  ▌abilities or powers: mixology, cards (don’t play poker with him because you will lose; for that matter, don’t play baccarat or faro or even uno -- again, because you will lose), public speaking, gun handling (has been taught how to use them since he was 14), dancing (breaking/hip hop; salsa; merengue, among others), kickboxing (trained since he was 7), playing sports (primarily soccer; he’s a forward winger) + the powers that come with being a werepuma (being nigh indestructible; healing factor; heightened senses and superhuman condition; shapeshifting, and immunity to psychic attacks, just to name some relevant ones) ▌eye color: dark brown. the puma eyes, when shifts into them, are pretty striking: besides the fact that they gleam, the iris is a ring of green/blue inside a ring of yellow. they seem almost hypnotic, and in the dark, they retroreflect light. (reference / 2) ▌hair color: brown ▌family members: gianna marconi-reyes (mother, deceased), ysmael reyes (father, deceased); a lot of aunts and uncles but primarily -- on his father’s side -- berenice and emmanuel reyes, and daniela and adán, all alive; then there’s his many cousins, all of which he’s very close to (acting sometimes more like siblings than cousins). on the maternal side there’s the marconi family which is big and complex on its own right but he’s not particularly close to any of them. it’s worthy to mention that he’s the grandson of giancarlo marconi, a very prominent don in the east coast mob, though.  ▌pets: he doesn’t have any, but he feeds any and all stray cats he comes across, and they end up following him around.  ▌something they don’t like: he doesn’t like stuck-up attitudes and people out of touch with reality. doesn’t like people noseying into his business, either. alas, he chose to work in social media and he deals with both of those things on a daily basis.�� ▌hobbies/activities: the abilities above mentioned count as hobbies, frankly. marcelo is so good at them because he enjoys doing them and practices as often as he can. he also likes cooking (it’s a good sign when he cooks for you) and talking walks, running, swimming, watching movies, listening to podcasts, riding his motorcycle, camping, bouldering, hiking, taking pictures (with a camera and his phone), playing instruments (piano + guitar) and singing. he also likes traveling.  ▌ever hurt anyone before: yes. though big on pacifism nowadays, marcelo is not a stranger to fighting, and not just the kind of fighting where you throw a few punches and then quit. i’m talking full blown brawls where bones have been broken and eyes blackened and he’s had to get yanked away from the other party. he used to be much worse when he was younger, when he was more temperamental and less mindful of his own strength, and when his tolerance towards bullies and insults was zero point zero. nowadays you can still catch that side of him under specific circumstances. however, it’s rare -- he much prefers to remain unresponsive to insults and provocations. and as for hurting people emotionally... tbh yes. sometimes, he doesn’t think before he speaks. and sometimes, he does thinks he speaks, but you deserve to hear what he’s about to say (at least according to him).  ▌ever killed anyone before: in his main verse, not just yet.  ▌animal that represents them: puma, cougar, catamount, mountain lion! but if you want other examples, all felines in general.  ▌worst habits: he pours all his emotional labour into other people and none on himself, usually without noticing that people just use him. he’s gotten a bit better at this (he’s lost some “friends” because of it, no doubt), but still... he worries a lot and whats to Help, and he stresses out when he can’t solve the problems of people he cares about.  ▌role models: his parents but that’s kind of falling apart the older he gets. his aunts, berenice and daniela, and his older cousin natalia (played by @neotropical​). his godmother, also named gianna played by @tribeof​​. emiliano @riverbodies. and his best friend ivana played by @neotropical​​. nearly all his role models are women because men kinda suck, frankly.  ▌sexual orientation: bisexual.  ▌thoughts on marriage/kids: he wants both those things very much. he would definitely love to get married someday and have a small, intimate, but fun wedding and he would love to have kids (he’s thinking three) to raise and love. he would be a natural as a father, far from perfect, but definitely the type of parent that just intuitively knows what his kid wants and needs -- and works to help them even if he doesn’t.  ▌fears: as a result of past traumas, marcelo is terribly afraid of losing people he loves, cue him being very protective over them. he can’t stand the thought of them getting hurt, nevermind actually dying.  ▌style preferences: marcelo values his family above all other things, and it shows pretty much in the fact that he carries them everywhere with him and they really have an impact on his sense of style. he always carries his father’s silver cross necklace not out of a sense of faith (that hasn’t been there for a long time) but because it belonged to his father. he has the birthdate of his twin cousins (inigo and ignacio) tattooed on his shoulders in roman numerals, and the names of his parents on the back of his neck. he’ll often wear necklaces with pictures of family members, and pieces that belonged to his aunts, from chains to rings and bracelets. he made paintings and drawings by his little cousins into shirts he often wears. he lets alba sew patches into his jeans. he gets his nails painted by camila and his hair cut by elián. much of his wardrobe is actually hand me downs when not thrift finds and tend to be combined with high fashion clothes that are, more than often, gifts (from either industry friends or, let’s just say, benefactors) -- but yeah, when not wearing sportswear, he’s mixing and matching repurposed clothes with luxury fashion items. point is: there’s a lot of history to a lot of the things marcelo wears and much of it goes back to his family, which he’s gone as far as to immortalize on his skin in some form. ▌someone they love: ivana, his best friend, is basically his soulmate as well tbh and the person he loves the most. on that same tier go charmaine and rafael (@neotropical). in a platonic and familial manner, he loves gianna (@tribeof), zephyr (@isolctions), emiliano and alondra @riverbodies, and honestly.... this list ain’t long enough. he’s so full of love and you’re all missing out on that shit, smfh. of course, he also loves his entire family to bits.  ▌approach to friendships: marcelo would do, and does, anything for his friends and he loves always making new ones. he’s the helpful, generous type that is happy simply spending time with you, but will also try and get you involved with new things he’s doing, and will always be down for whatever you’d like to do. as a matter of fact, involved is the best way to describe the way marcelo always tries to make his friends feel. he’s not nosey or pushy, but if y’all haven’t talked in a while he will often send you a text to check up on you. he treasures his friendships and devotes time to them. as mentioned before, he’s also very protective and very much a mom friend. ▌thoughts on pie: he’s not crazy about it but he enjoys a good strawberry pie now and then! ▌favorite drink: (non-alcoholic) water, and coffee. colombian coffee to be precise: don pablo colombian supremo, but any colombian brand will do. (alcoholic) his go to alcoholic brands are bacardi, havana club, josé cuervo and antioqueño. he loves his mojitos, daiquiris and cubalibres and those are his usual orders, when not ordered plain.  ▌favorite place to spend time at: his apartment. he isn’t gonna pay rent not to spend time in that shit. that being said he equally enjoys both the city and nature. he thrives in the night life and in clubs, parties of all kinds, the neon HQ and high end bars, and he loves beaches, and parks, and forests, and mountains).  ▌swim in the lake or in the ocean: he won’t refuse either, boy just loves swimming.  ▌their type: honestly it’s really flexible. he can date from the sweetest angel to the biggest asshole if you’re ultimately a good person. he likes people that are comfortable in their own bodies, that are confident and got spine without being conceited. mutual interests definitely help, but a similar desire to grow together and put effort into things and each other is even more attractive to him. just be mature and know how to communicate. 

tagged by: i forgot but i love them. tagging: @neotropical​ (ivy), @tribeof​ (gianna or abel) @isolctions​​​ (zephyr or rue), @belissimae​, @withlwolves​​ (maria) @dirtypaw​​ @zkljns @curdledmiilk​ (your pick, someone you haven’t done) @undones​ (griff) @wheelmans​ @strikier​ (yes im tagging all ur fuckin blogs) 

[rontra]

ANONYMOUS ASKED:

i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)

REPLY:

YES!!!!

umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....

also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD

mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting

https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees

it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and  stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so  i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The  Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is  good, anyway!!!!)  

Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)

Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie

Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim

krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it

honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age

also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!

-

USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.

the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,

anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.

Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,

KINZOS

OLDEST

SON

DISAPPEARS

!!!!!

Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....

obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands“ and the rest. as they say. is history (???)

Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.

basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”

all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.

Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........

(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)

mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.

during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)

(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)

Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.

i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny

(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)

now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.

-

AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance

and this one

so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.

(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)

they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.

natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.

and its VERY hot

anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....

and then they.....fall...in l

there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.

DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING

BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!

and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month

[hereliesbitches--me]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

Tagged by: @monsieur-de-paris​

What’s your OTP for your Muse?

At the moment, my most developed ship is Rosie and (@osteum‘s) Eddie Brock. Its my deepest passion for that reason, with the kind of dynamics they share, and the amount of interactions that stem around their association to each other. They have a whole family of 6 kids together (including the new addition of Dylan from the current Venom run) and honestly the ups and downs are what I live for. Its the chance I get to explore Rosie’s life as a Mom and a Wife and how she deals with it, mixed in with the regular events of her canon. How she deals with this deep love she has for Eddie and their family beyond any sane reason, and that butters my bread.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Generally anything? As long as im comfortable with my partner, and how Rosie feels towards the said muse, its almost free range. Naturally im not gonna be too cozy with the extremes but If it serves plot purposes maybe I can budge. I can’t really say my own limitation mostly because half the time I don’t really know my limits until suddenly its in my face and too much, then I go “Woah alright, thats enough”

Naturally, anything shipping related needs to be something I can realistically see happening with Rosie. And she’s a hard bird to crack.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

Rosie really a grownass woman with kids, and she’s immortal so she’s more likely than not older than her partner. But Rosie is not gonna date not teenager that could be her kid. Im not gonna flip my shit over huge age gaps as long as there’s good chemistry but Rosie isnt gonna date someone who’s like.. under 25. It largely depends on the maturity of a person that will be the hit or miss with her.

She tends to be interested in older muses either way,  It all varies by what gets plotted in a verse, but Rosie is a little more open to the idea of an older partner than she is someone younger. Even if she’ll never look past 32

Are you selective when shipping

At this point in time, im a tired old lady that literally just wants people to care for Rosie beyond being a tool for romance, so yeah. Im selective( arent we all?), but im generally open minded if we already chatted out some interesting dynamics. In the end, Rosie may be a sick person, but im not gonna have her jump dick or look for some V to slay just because she’s not that desperate of a character. If you wanna love Rosie, there’s gonna be a lot of baggage that is involved from emotional trauma and her off personality, along with her having kids ,

but if you’re ready to explore that field, im open. I just dont want something half assed, ya know? Need a partner thats just as enthusiastic about the ship as me, not someone just collecting her as a angsty neko girl they can go to whenever they don’t get what they want from someone else. Im a hella go big or go home type of Gal. I dont wanna end up looking dumb or making a fool out of Rosie for caring about a ship my partner doesn’t feel the same passion for. Im too tired to get treated like that. And Rosie deserves better than that.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

The moment dirty words start getting thrown in and the heavy petting turns into intentional acts of trying to turn her partner on, its nsfw and its going under read more. I have to be highly comfortable with my partner to actually be writing it but im not against it. Although it has yet to actually happen on my blog besides Rosie’s dirty jokes. Who knows what the future holds.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with

Atm, Rosie’s partners all have their separate verses and I fucking love them all 

@quantahope with Rosie’s spaceman, Wendell. Its still in development but man is it delicious suffering and growing

@maxskulline has dragged me into the pokefandom with Max and Guzma, so Rosie and Max have that close BFF friendship with that touch of intimate passion thrown in there.

@fcllenstcr Rosie’s infamous relationship with the devil who’s nothing but trouble. There’s a lot of background history that goes into the relationship, but give em a few thousand years and suddenly Rosie finds herself the new Queen of Hell keeping the old snake in line.

 @Cecidesent is Rosie’s main apostle husband, Guts. Written by Will too, Guts and Rosie is probably one of the oldest ships I got and I love them.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

I would think its common courtesy to ask and not just force your muse onto another. Rosie is not exactly an easy person to just throw in with and chances are if you try she’s gonna shy away because bitch doesn’t know how to handle someone being equally interested in her. I would like to have talked for a while before throwing in with shipping , make sure our muses have good standing because Im not here to have Rosie used as a sex doll right away. But if you see some chemistry there, feel free to ask! Highkey chance im probably into it as well and have been too shy to ask.

How often do you like to ship?

Not often at this point. Im more concerned with Rosie making meaninful friendships nire than I am shipping her off with every person that comes along. There’s a lot of things to accept when shipping with Rosie and many things about her that arent just gonna magically go away just because she’s with someone. I dont mind it but its certainly not my priority.

Are you multiship?

The above information should tell ya by now that I am, however I do have my mains. The more passion and dedication you show me, the equal passion I put in myself. Thats how it goes for me and Rosie. Just fair treatment, ya know?

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Ship more-or-less . Really not a priority but if it happens, it happens.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom

Naturally, EddieRosie and Gutsie take the cake right now since they are the most developed I have so far.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Please just write with me and talk with me.

 Thats all it takes. 

Good chemistry, dont yank my chain and trail me along with fake interest, and im probably gonna already be into it. 

Tagging: @curiousobjecthead​ @quantahope​ @thewhitepoison​  @draconicmatriarch​ @sunkissedkxd and anyone else who hasent done it!

[grapsandclaps]

MUCH A COO ABOUT NOTHING

Hello everyone again and welcome to the lowdown on show 54 of the #80showyear which took me to The Frog and Bucket in sunny Manchester for Lucha Forever. Now as ever with these midweek wrestling shows, it was a quick dash to Manchester for the usual meet up in The Crown and Kettle for the widely known #luchalash. But with the doors opening only being an hour away it was a very much shortened lash - so i decided to have a pint of Milk Stout (£3.50) which was a very smooth drink and tasty and accompanying it was a Jones's Pork Pie with Bramley Apple Sauce inside at a cost of £2.20 and i would rate it as a good 8 but need a condiment like a mustard or a piccalilli to liven it a little. Pie done, i then tried half a pint of the 9% imperial russian stout (£2.80 a half) which had a slight bitter coffee taste to it but it certainly hit the spot later in the night. Drinks done, it was time to walk across the road to the venue. Very much a different set up to the last time i was there with the seating being put upstairs and all standing downstairs, so even though im quite tall ypu still had to try and search out a good vantage spot early on, i eventually settled near the stairs next to the entrance. When it was full, the audience setup was akin to the WXW intimate setting where you literally taste the sweat and smell the deep heat (and thats just Ligero). With the show, a lot of the matches were quite unknown which i thought added to the spectacle of the whole night, so lets get into what went down. El Ligero vs Kid Lykos started proceedings and was a very good opener to the night with Lykos picking up the win here. Was good to see Lykos in a singles role instead of his CCK tag team and was certainly Ligeros equal in this match, lots of SHUT UP LYKOS Chants and Wolf vs Toy Pigeon interaction (more on Pigeongate later). Omari vs Drew Parker was next and was alright whilst it lasted, as with the last few Parker matches this spilled out to the crowd and soon gravitated to the balcony where Drew threw Omari off it into the ring, but went to the well one too often as a flying leap turned wrong as Parker landed into Omari's arms and Omari proceeded to do a variation of a black hole slam and picked up the 1-2-3. With a bit more filling out Omari has got plenty of upside about him, next year could be the big breakout year. Next up was NO FUN DAMIEN DUNNE vs April Davids in the continuation of a grudge from the last Lucha Manchester show. The Smiths classic "Heaven knows im miserable now" got another airing for Dunne to which Dunne told us off for having fun with "Pop Culture Classics" I WAS LOOKING FOR FUN AND FOUND DAMIEN DUNNE BUT HEAVEN KNOWS IM MISERABLE NOW! Good match here between Davids and Dunne with NO FUNNAH getting the screwy finish win. Dunne is brilliant in this role 🖒 Half Time Main Event was "The Aussie Assault - Kyle Fletcher and Mark Davis vs Pete Dunne and Trent Seven in a magnificent tag match which just had everything in it - AWFUL WAFFLES, Pedigrees, Piledrivers, The Cry of "FUCKING NORA" during the match and our friend THE PIGEON 😉. But Pigeons aside this was a breakout match for The Aussies who looked great here and i for one would certainly like to see Fletcher and Davis again. Davis looks similar to a London Riot and Fletcher has a very gangly appearance to him but you can see boundless potential with these 2. Sadly they came up short here as they fell to BSS - Must See Stuff! Next up was the battle of my 2 favourite wrestlers on the scene in the UK in a first time match up: TRAVIS BANKS VS BUBBLEGUM. Not much too say here except - WOWZERS this was as good as the tag match beforehand. Just 2 great wrestlers going back and forth in a hard fought 15 minute match with Banks beat Gum with The Slice of Heaven kick. Another match you should watch when it goes on FITE TV Next Week. Alex Windsor and Kip Sabian vs Ryan Smile and Lana Austin was next in a ok match but did its job as a buffer match. Highlights included Windsor and Smile who are a real life couple having great interactiom between each other during the match (many a low blow here), Smile i havent seen much of this year but i have always rated him when i saw him at Southside and PCW. Poor Lana was warned during the match to pull her top up by the fans as she had a "nip slip". The goodies got the win here, but on the way to the back Miss Windsor had a good staredown with My Mate and resident booer - Shauna, evils were certainly exchanged here 😲. Main event time was Champion Mark Haskins vs Tyler Bate in a good match with the crowd firmly behind the newly goateed Bate, seranading him with "Sledgehammer" and songs about his beard. Haskins on the other hand was heeling it up quite a bit, so didnt have many fans backing him. I dont know what it is about Haskins - i find him a great wrestler but there is something lacking with a connection with the northern audience. Haskins won the match with the old low blow/cheeky roll up combo to retain his belt in around 15 minutes to end a fantastic evenings worth of entertainment. I recommend you search this show out next week when it comes online on FITE TV. Also if you have spare time on a midweek, definetely get to a Lucha Forever show you wont be disappointed. Beer prices - £3.90 for JW LEES Shed Head which is Lees Craft lager and went down very well. Also i heard San Miguel was priced at a scandalous £4.70 🖓🖓🖓🖓. Quick thoughts on Pigeongate - Now i know going to wrestling is all about having fun and is full of different characters who all have their own things. Some of us Booooooooooo!!! Some of us clap like a seal, Some of us sing niche 80s songs, Some of us like to drink and have a great time. I mean who takes a Toy Pigeon of all things to a show, rightfully deserves some schtick about it, I mean it is a novel idea i guess as a bit a fun with the pigeon carrying a belt in its beak like Pete Dunne. Chants of "FUCK THE PIGEON" were aimed at the pigeon fanciers in the corner, but sadly the pantomine atmosphere turned a bit sour with crotch chops and fuck off signs coming back to our corners section after said group won the raffle to rub it in. My point is if you cant handle criticism for a carrying what technically is a TOY BLOODY PIGEON, you should seriously get a grip. Your in your 20s carrying a toy pigeon - deary me 😮. But each to their own and its their choice at the end of the day. This has been a hot topic on Twitter and also in the ladies toilets last night, with the world and his wife having an opinion. Lets face facts were all having a moan about a TOY PIGEON!!!! But Pigeongate aside, it was nice being with the regulars and seeing some new faces. Hope i didnt deafen you with my clapping. #grapsandclaps