#im on the 2nd listen now and its growing on me (as i knew it would) but like.

[cloudprincesslady]

funny how my first listen faves on ttpd are all the ones that actually have a drumbeat in them lmao

[magic-number-3]

Top 5 ajr songs for the top 5 ask

shaking my fist like an old man darn you for making me answer this question!!! Ugh how am I supposed to choose?? I’m doing 6 cause fuck you i cant narrow it down anymore (not really fuck you its a joke <3) anyways the songs are under the cut cause I decided to explain my reasoning and it got very very too long. So in no particular order:

Don’t Throw Out My Legos - this song. REAL AND TRUE. I relate personally so much to this song because ~I moved away from home to follow my dreams~ and while the song is about wanting to preserve your childhood home and/or bedroom beacuse you dont want to face the fact of growing up, to me its also about wanting to preserve those sacred spaces in case, ya know. Follow your dreams fails and you have to return home. And so for me that has to be my top 5. Like people say ‘oh this song scratches an itch in my brain’ this song does that to my soul. N E way.

World’s Smallest Violin - ~its the mental illness luv~ . my 2nd most listened to song on spotify of all time and it only came out last year. Its killer

Turning Out - this was one of the first AJR songs I ever heard after that sponegbob song lmao (What Everyone’s Thinking EP, thank u for ur service) and DAMN if I havent cried listening to this song. Multiple times. I interpret this song as one of those where people are like ‘i dont feel like a whole person’ and i relate to that. like im TECHNICALLY a fully grown adult now but boy is that only technically. ‘You say I turned out fine / I think I'm still turning out’ and the ending of the song, ‘I'm a little kid, and so are you / Don't you go and grow up before I do / I'm a little kid with so much doubt / Do you want to be there to see how I turn out? / Cause I’m still turning out’ . Theres a feeling, a need to tell people whats going on because ppl think ur fine but ur not and youre nervous of an inevitable crash thats coming that no one will understand. But you dont know how to tell people. Youre scared to and you dont know how to make them understand. Anyway :(

Burn The House Down - this song goes SO. HARD. Its got a killer beat and this genius lyrics explanation says it all: ‘The titular line of the song is a blunt invitation for a sort of political revolution, at least in a metaphorical sense, in that the whole system will be replaced bottom-up with something new’. lets go burn the house down.

Way Less Sad - also my 5th most listened to song of all time on spotify. Like I’ve said before, its very uplifting and optimistic song to me. Maybe things aren’t great, but they’re better than they once were. And theres something very comforting abt not accepting that you dont have to be 'Happy' - whatever that means - that you can just be better than you once were. it relieves the pressure a little bit.

Karma - its very similar to worlds smallest violin, but the way that the musicality pushes the feeling and ideas in the song makes it just completely different imo. The way the music is constantly pushing the song forward - it never lets up and jack is in a rush to get all of these feelings out and he doesnt understand why he feels this way or why these things are the way they are and it all comes to a head with the final bit of the song when its pretty much silent, just him talking. The way the instrumentals push forward the concept and meaning of the lyrics is just some genius music making imo. Jack talking and talking and the way it speeds up and theres barely time to take a breath if youre singing along - the FEELING of the song, struggling to get these words out. The heart of it is very dear to me and meant a lot to me when it came out. I’m lucky that when I sing along now its not so much as a ‘these are my words i never knew how to say’. Its concepts no longer reflect my own stage of life, but when it did this song was very dear to me. Still is. Regardless of favoritism in relation to myself and simply as a piece of music, I do think it is possibly one of their BEST songs.

Some other faves cause how can I just mention FIVE??

100 Bad Days, the spiritual predecessor to Way Less Sad. GOES HARD

Next Up Forever and Finale - At first I was so bummed they didnt do an overture because I genuinely am such a slut for ajrs overtures but I love the way they these songs work as bookends to this album and I love the ideas explored in these two songs and the way they bounce off each other

[technowoah]

Can I request a prompt #37 with Karl Jacobs? I love your writing btw :)

Ring(s)

The four times Karl tried to propose and the one time he actually did.

- Karl Jacobs x gen!neutral reader!

- Prompts: 37) "Are you proposing?!"

⚠︎ swearing, fluff, angst if you squint and a rushed ending. I didn't proofread either

an// TYSM FOR LIKING MY WORK 😭ALSO Thanks for requesting and sorry this came out so late! Hope you enjoy :)

To say that Karl loved you was an understatement. He adored you and practically worshipped the ground you stood on. He is so respectful, which is a major upgrade from your other boyfriends, and loves you for who you are. You didn't have to put on a facadè at all during the 3 years you two have dated.

This love wasn't a one way thing. You loved him just as much, or even more, than he did. Everything he did you supported, you were always cheering him on from wherever you were. You were here for the good and the bad, and he was too. You two never shyed away from admiting your love and support. You could write a essay on each thing you love about Karl.

The idea of marriage came up during a late night dinner at Denny's. The idea came so naturally to you, so it surprised Karl that you didn't tense up. Karl was tense when bringing up the topic of marriage, so when you said "Yeah, I wanna get married to you one day." so casually it caught him off gaurd.

You two had already talked about marriage time and time again, but this time Karl wanted to take the initiative. He was ready to get married and since the marriage talk was just a few months ago it was fresh in his mind. Karl could vividly imagine you walking down the aisle towards him looking angelic. He could see everything now and he wanted those daydreams to become a reality. He wanted to physically feel your hands against his as you two say "I do" to one another.

He couldn't stop thinking about settling down in a nice house with you. Karl already bought a ring for you and always has it with him. Now he justs needs to figure out how to tell you.

1st proposal: Fireworks

"THIS IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE FIREWORK IN THE ENTIRE WORLD-"

You blocked out Jimmy's yelling as you sat in a lawn chair in the middle of the woods. Karl had invited you to a MrBeast video shoot because he thought it would be a great early 4th of July. It was late at night and slightly cool outside, so you were wearing a MrBeast hoodie Karl was wearing earlier. You zoned out as the boys talked to the camera over and over again, taking multiple shots.

You found yourself looking at Karl most of the time you sat there and you always caught his gaze towards you. Every time you caught him looking at you, you sent him a small wave or blow him a kiss and every time he sent a shy wave back or sent a more exaggerated kiss back.

During halfway through the shooting you begrudgingly had to move your lawn chair further and further away from your original spot. Karl always checked up on you before and after each firework set were blown up. He has been acting fidgety around you and you didnt know why. When you tried to confront him about it he would always turn away and go back to the boys without a glance back, and his hands in his pockets.

You loved watching the guys play with so many different types of fireworks, this was a great 4th of July for you, but you wished that Karl was sitting next to you feeling the bliss that you were.

You were currently sitting behind bulletproof glass while the guys had a control panel on their lap. Karl kept sending glances towards you and you looked at him and smiled whishing he was next to you and not over by the guys. You knew it was selfish, but he invited you here.

Karl kept bouncing his leg, he kept his hand in his pocket which held the ring. He kept sending glances towards you, knowing he should be on one knee right about now. Jimmy was about to fire off the last rocket of the night and Karl couldn't seem to go over and ask you to marry him. He knew he was hilding himself back which made him hate himself. You deserved a good night and he hoped you enjoyed the fireworks, but he knew on the ride back he would have to apologize.

He stayed with the boys as they went to go see the fireworks they would be setting off soon. Once they came back they were all about to press the button to set off the expensive fireworks they counted down from 5 and he looked towards you. You were standing up with your arms crossed, hopefully shielding yourself from the cold, and looking towards the fireworks that were going to burst. They finally pressed the button the fireworks went off.

Each burst of light in the air sent a glow onto your smiling face. Karl sent a somber glace and marveled in how the explosion of the fireworks sent a beautiful glow around you.

This wasnt the right time. Next time.

2nd proposal: Donuts

"Im sorry for last night." Karl apologized as you both took a seat at a booth by the window at the small coffee and donut shop.

This was supposed to be an apology for the last failed proposal. Instead of spending time with you, he kept his distance which was the opposite of what he really wanted to do. This was a way to spend much needed time with eachother, but this was also another attempt at a proposal.

Karl wanted to hide the ring in the middle of a donut so when you inevitably look at it when he hands it to you, you'll see the ring and then he'll propose right there. To him it seemed flawless.

You never wanted a huge proposal. You didnt want that much attention on you when your future significant other would propose. Something simple would be the ideal proposal and you've hinted that many times to Karl and right now he was listening. There were only two other couples in the small diner because others were picking up donuts and leaving. If he decided to get down on one knee it would cause a scene.

You stayed silent for a moment looking at Karl before deciding to speak.

"It's no problem. Please dont stress out about it." You smiled softly and he smiled back at you. "I mean the fireworks were beautiful, but you all were screaming too much."

You both laughed as you both recalled that night in the desert.

"Yeah I just didn't..I didn't really talk to you all night. I feel bad." Karl said fiddling with his hands.

"Its in the past Karl. And I still know you love me." You reached out to grab both of his hands and hold his cool hands in yours.

"I do love you." He whispered for only you to hear leaving both of you smiling ear to ear.

"What kind of donuts you want?" Karl asked looking into your eyes carefully.

You thought about it for a while before speaking up. "I'll keep it simple. Icing with sprinkles. Surprise me with the icing color!" You exclaimed while letting go of his hands for a second.

Once you two let go of eachothers hands he immediately went to his pocket and played with the velvet box. He nodded his head and without a word he stood up to meet the cashier behind the display box of donuts. He ordered only one donut as you said with orange icing this time.

He paid for the food and stayed at the counter where he paid. Karl looked back to see if you were paying attention to him only to see you looking out the window at the people passing by. Karl smiled at the sight knowing he really wants to marry you one day and then he looked down at the glistening ring inside of the box.

Karl was supposed to put the ring in the middle of the donut that was laying alone on a napkin on the counter. He started to think of the possibilities of what could happen. What if you didn't see the ring and crumble the ring with the napkin and throw it away? What if you accidentally put the ring in your mouth? What if you weren't hungry anymore?

He looked over again to where you were looking at him giving him the same smile you gave during the fireworks. Karl sighed and once again closed the box with the ring. He was a coward and he knew that.

Karl picked up the donut from the counter and made his way over to you.

"Here's your donut with sprinkles and orange icing!" Karl exclaimed putting emphasis on the 'orange' part.

"Thanks babe!" You smiled as he sat down across from you. "Wait, you didn't get anything for yourself?"

Karl sighed again for what seemed like the 100th time today and put on a smile. "I ended up not being as hungry as I thought I was."

"Well I could always share!" You started to eat your donut as Karl ended up looking outside.

Unbeknownst to you he was thinking of another way to propose without himself getting in his own head.

He'll find a time.

3rd proposal: Livestream

"Chat! As you can see I have my significant other here with me!" Karl exclaimed to his Twitch following.

You were sat next to him in another one of his office chairs with a blanket across your lap. You loved to join Karl's streams, the last couple of time you two played minecraft, gang beats, played on the nitendo switch for a while, but this time he didn't tell you what games you two would be playing. Karl just told you to come over tonight and ended up asking to join him for a stream last minute.

Now you are here next to him as Karl glows with excitement as he streams to his growing followers. You loved how he interacted with his fans and had a genuine connection with them, but sometimes that strong connection can, and has led to some nights where you had to stay the night and comfort him from his inner demons and the internet. Those nights made you love him even more, the vulnerability he gave to you made you comfortable with him.

It seems like the more time you spend eith him the more you want to officially get married. You didn't want to rush him because you soon figured out for yourself that there is no rush to express your love, which you two do everyday day. You two can get eloped in Vegas and you'll be happy, as long as you can spend the rest of your life with the man you love.

Karl kept sending glances towards you throughout the stream hoping you were having fun with the chill, q and a stream. Again he wanted to propose to you tonight during the stream. He loved showing your relationship whenever he could and whenever you would allow him to. His community also loved you the moment you became his significant other, so hopefully this will be a beautiful moment.

You talked to his chat as he contemplated, again, about whether to propose tonight. It wasn't infront of people, it was infront of a screen and it would be on Twitter in less than a week. This would be a good moment, but then again he wanted this moment to be between you two and he couldn't find the right time nor the right "moment".

As the stream continues you ended up wrapping yourself fully in the blanket and lying your head on his shoulder. You both cuddled eachother while you two answered questions. Karl kissed the top of your head and finally collected all of his thoughts.

He didn't need to propose to officially claim his love to you. Karl knew you both loved eachother to the ends of the Earth and back. There's no need for ceremony and the one day he will propose, he know it will come naturally. There is no need to force it, and now he wont.

Only time will tell.

4th proposal: spongebob

"Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye, aye, captain!

Oh!"

The TV illuminated the comfortable, dark room you two were in. You were lying on the couch with Karl with the blanket you had while streaming. It was late at night after the stream and you two ended up watching re-runs of spongebob. Karl sang along to the theme song softly while you hummed along. This was the 4th episode you both watched this night and it was a great way to end the week.

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" Karl asked softly with tiredness in his voice.

"Of couse. Im too tired to move, so thanks for offering." You chuckled.

"You're welcome here anytime." Karl yawned and squeezed your sides. "Do you want popcorn?"

"Hell yeah." You got off of Karl as he walked to the kitchen.

He put the bag into the microwave and leaned back onto the kitchen counter as he waited. Karl looked over to the side and saw a empty vase which was next to the velvet box he was carrying with him this whole week. He shook his head and laughed to himself before getting the popcorn out of the microwave, dumping it in a bowl and walking back to see you taking up the whole couch.

"Move over or I'll sit on you." Karl said standing above her.

"Is that a promise?" You teased.

"Okay then!" He turned around and began to slowly and dramatically fake sitting ontop of you.

You began to laugh and try to push him off of you. You successfully got him to sit down and returned to your previous position, but this time with popcorn.

"I love you, you know that?" You hummed into his chest.

"Yeah, and I love you more."

"I love you most."

"I love you mostest." Karl laughed.

"That's not a word." You smiled.

"I love you so much I made up a word for ya." Karl kissed you head and you hugged him tighter.

"You know what?" Karl chuckled. "I love you so much that I tried to propose to you 3 times this week."

Karl finished and you sat up from your spot looking surprised. Karl sat up as well thinking he made a mistake telling you. He was abkut to apologize, but you beat him to speak.

"Oh my gosh!" You exhaled.

"Look, I'm sorr-"

"Are you proposing?!" You exclaimed with a smile on your face.

"Huh-?"

Karl was surprised just like you were before. He remembered that he wanted the Maybe this was the moment he needed this week.

Karl grabbed both of your hands and caressed them both, looking into your eyes. "I was planning to all week. But now I think this is a good moment. So Y/N? Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will!" You enveloped him into a tight hug and peppered his face with kisses. He finally found his moment and he couldn't be happier.

"You said you tried to propose three other times?" You questioned. "When was that?"

"Its a long story."

[wreckofawriter]

hiiii, am i able to get a ship, specifically one of the golden trio era girls ? if so im a slytherin girl who is quite ambiverted. i am down for any adventure and im capable of easily making friends but i just prefer to be a lone most of the time. i like to read, draw, bake (my favorite), listen to music. my friends call me extremely chaotic and i dont think much before i talk, but everyone says that im very warm, welcoming, and nonjudgmental, hope thats enough! love you and your writing!!!

I ship you with...

Luna Lovegood

I thought of her instantly.

I feel like you would meet her when you were younger, 1st or 2nd year and instantly become attached.

you were easily best friends, her dreamy nature balancing well with your adventures one, through the years she was the only person who could never drain your social battery, in fact she made social gatherings more bearable

Luna loved how accepting you were. she knew you had never once judged her for a thing she did and it made her feel safe with you

you guys often went out to the forbidden forests to feed the threstrals and search for other creatures. Luna always seemed know where to find them

by 5th year you had become well aware of your growing feelings for your good friend and tried your very best to ignore them

your anger for the girls who bullied Luna was never ending. although she never seemed to mind when her things went missing or were drenched in ink but you always did.

so you tracked them down, finding four giggling girls who were charming one of Lunas sweaters onto a knight.

"you think this is funny?" you shouted they all turned towards you and bit startled

"a little." one said and you only grew more bitter

"give me the sweater." you spoke slowly.

"why do you even care about loony bin? she's a nut case." a girl said.

you felt anger pulse through you "shut up and give me the sweater."

"what are you her girlfriend or something." she giggled

you scoffed, "what's it to you anyway? Now give me the damn sweater."

the sweater dropped to the floor and they walked away. You retrieved it quickly and went to find Luna only to run straight into her as you turned the corner.

"I told you I didn't mind. I always find it anyway." she said

You sighed, "you still shouldn't let them take your stuff."

you both walked towards her common room in a silence you found strangly comfortable

while you were walking up the stairs Luna stopped. You turned around to look at her just to see her eyes glazed over with far away thoughts

you stood there for a few minutes, until finally she spoke

"you know I wouldn't much mind if you were my girlfriend."

you froze, jolting when the staircase suddenly began to turn your heart was beating far too fast, "w-what?"

"I quite like you. I think I would like you to be my girlfriend."

you stared at her, "are you asking me out?"

"I suppose so." she was so casual about it it almost didn't seem real. she mistook your confusion for hesitation, "you don't have to accept of course."

"no! its not that, I would love to go out with you." you explained

she smiled at you, "oh good!"

you grinned back, "its a date then."

(first thank you for all the complements, I am going to admit I got a bit carried away with this one but whatever. Merry Christmas to all those celebrating by the way!)

Not Edited

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Went to bed at 12:40am after helping grandma get readjusted in the bed, and helping dad function the oxygen tank because the oxygen machine kept going out and beeping on error. I think grandma got anxious from seeing her family members come from grand rapids to visit. I know she missed them.

But man did I get tired.

I had to set an alarm for 3:45am because that's when grandma has to go potty, and I knew mom and dad needed the rest after cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and hosting for her guests.

I kept nodding off to twilight as I waited in the room for grandma to tell me when, so I could help her get up off the bed and onto potty. That wasn't until like 5am.

Glad I could get some sleep in between waiting.

I stayed in there with till 8:30, when she asked for some oatmeal to eat. I think she's having hunger pains, but can't really eat the stuff down as much. We puree mostly everything in the food processor for her. She only ate like a couple spoonfuls. She said her right side started hurting from not eating as much, but we can't make her eat, but there also seems to be a lack of appetite in grandma's mind. I think she's been feeling very tired too, especially after the family visit last night.

This is the first time I heard her fuss today. I cleaned the bucket after she threw up in it and said "Don't use so much Lysol to clean with. I can smell it." I didn't take it personally because I didn't use lysol to clean the bucket, I used Fabuloso and alcohol because we didn't have much cleaner in the bathroom I cleaned it in. Daddy reminded her that I was just trying to clean the bucket out.

She said "I know, just don't use so much."

This was right before she said she feels like she needs some more oxygen, so maybe her not breathing as well and smelling that cleaner made her nose upset.

I've dealt with Grandma and her complaints before, so I'm pretty sure I'm not expecting a happy camper about all this. Im just so glad its not just me to take care of her. So we'll all be making a team effort to help her as she goes along. The social worker, the nurse, and a chaplin is supposed to come from Hospice in the next couple of days. So we'll see how it goes. Its not like the disney movies where the person is happy and being nice to everybody and then suddenly passes.

I think this will be a gradual, slow, but hopefully peaceful passing for her. I know I'm stressed out, but I feel like how I used to be at work. Hopefully we don't get into any arguments and just let her talk if she starts commenting on us not doing something right or if she starts forgetting stuff and then she says that one liner "you calling me a liar?" cause I know what that means when she says that line.

I pray she doesn't go flip mode and the kids don't have to deal with seeing any blood. I'd rather have me and my parents handle that, because we can handle that maturely without feeling that grossed out feeling and wait to hold our comments until after the tasks are finished.

My baby sister, I would be worried to find out she or one of the others were to find her.....like that in the morning.

Because we don't know the timeline and we're not at a hospital. This is real life. Grandma actually came all the way here with my parents to Flint, to come live with us until she passed. And its still just shocking to me. We're putting in our best effort together so this woman we've known for years can have a peaceful going, under the roof and care of her loved ones. We love her and we do care about her. I'm just not gonna expect this to be easy, keep my head up, stay positive, and try to keep my emotions out of it like I do at work. Keeping my emotions off, helps the day seem fast and the work gets done quicker and more efficiently. We're gonna work hard for Grandma and I hope my little sisters can cooperate and not be as selfish and sometimes unhelpful like usual. We have to share our time more and that means less sleep, but I'm glad we're not alone.

I'm glad its not just me, stuck at her house in Grand Rapids again like it was the 1st time and 2nd time I had to help her out at the house.

The 2nd time was the worse, because she was sick, assuming it was maybe covid or a virus, the flu or something else like a cold because of the mucus. And she hadn't been to the hospital in years. The insurance company sent a doctor to check up on her in March and when he just touched that one oldddd surgery spot that she had been talking about for years....it was near the liver and the pancreas. And thats where they said the cancer was, this whole entire time.

I wonder how or when did it start growing? And how long had she known she was gonna die? Even when I stayed with her this year she would say "Just in case something happens to me" or "I'm rotting away." and the pads she would wear in her underwear because she said something kept leaking every so often and she been stopped getting periods because they took her uterus out decades ago.

It's like crazy and mind bottling, because I wanna know why, when, where, and how. I want answers. I want somebody to be able to tell me this is what caused it and am I at risk for something similar either just naturally or just from getting surgeries from doctors who didn't listen to her or tell her what was truly going on...its like nobody knew, but her and God. And she felt everything in her body. Everything. She knew which types of food would hurt her stomach or not, which natural vitamins to help with her pain every so often. I can't even deny that this entire time she's been telling me these stories, moments, and memories all over and over again for one reason and one reason only. So not only she could remember, but also for us to know why she's been feeling in pain for so many years.

She's been duct taping her body like a car for so many years with vitamins for this and hard lemonades to help her get through each day, but she never not once wanted to go to the doctors, the people that she didn't trust for years and held a grudge over it, she knew exactly what injuries and everything that led up to her feeling the stings in her feet, her big toe, her back, her stomach, her side, her lungs, and her chest. She had everything covered like a math equation.

And she's very frugal, did not want no expensive medical bills cause she already felt like a burden to us, even when she came into the house and she saw how much storage stuff we had to clear out of that blue room, she told Daddy she didn't wanna be a burden.

But we gotta take care of you Grandma. Cause we love you and your son, your daughter in law, and your grand babies are gonna help carry you on your way. I don't care if you want ice cream in the middle of the night, I will go get it. I know momma and daddy don't want me to overwork myself, but why do I feel that thing where the mother can't stay away from its child? I don't wanna miss her going, and not have said goodbye and I love you. Thats it, just final words.

Cause that's how you do closure, I wanna know were you in peace when it happened and could I have done anything to help you feel better towards the end. Cause I know what it feels like to not have closure from somebody, I had to do it all by myself and I still feel ungrateful and absent about it. Because nobody talked to me, they just left me hanging.

And I'd be damn if I missed my Grandma before she passed. Her birthday is August 22nd. I know its unlikely to ask for, but can I see her on Christmas? At least? After everything we've went through, her chewing my food up for me when I was little. All the stories she remembered about me eating peaches, chicken, and spaghetti. And how she cooked it with corn flakes so it had the crispiest crunch. And how much I used to ask her to replay Barney when dad would drop me, she said I'd say "Again, Again!" and whoever was there said something about it...

Why do I feel like because we've been so busy helping and working, now is not the time to mourn?

She's still here, but I can still hear her singing our jazzy bathtub song.

"Singing in the bath tubbb,

A doobee-doobee doo

Singing in the bath tubbb

A doobee-doobee doo"

I still remember the note and everything and me giggling and smiling, laughing and singing with her.

Grandma used to sing and listen to music all the time. She showed me a few more songs before we got into it about the hamster.

Honestly, I'm not even mad about all that anymore, I just want her feeling at home and happy with us.

[739337369137371082]

Hey so I found u thru the Halved Live Funnies and I gotta ask... whose Leon? What series these dudes from?

i got this ask and then forgot about it for like 2 days. anyways.

IVE ANSWERED THIS BEFORE BUT. GOD. LEON. ok so like....... long story short last year was when i first played resident evil........ bc we got a copy of re2remake in and.... jesus christ. i hyperfixated so fucking hard for the better part of a year going on into this year. and then i watched hl/vr and well. we know where that went. but now i am once again hyperfixated and now im back to where i was in like.... june of last year LMAO. but anyways i am once again going to ramble under the cut about them <3 (seriously. its very long and doesnt go much of anywhere. also spoilers)

tl/dr:

OK. SO. resident evil. the last time i answered this ask i either hadnt played some of them or just completely forgot the plot of others LOL but now upon beating/playing a large majority of them (besides 6 which i have not touched yet, and 7 is first person and im not rly interested in it rn)...... well others have said this as well but if you like cheesy b action movies you would love resident evil!!! 

the orig 1-2 are more survival horror which is what i like the most. 3 is where it starts branching into more actiony stuff but is still survival horror. but 4 and after is just like..... cheesy action stuff which is fine but not really like.... my thing. altho i do think that they are fun in a “this plot is hilariously bad” type way because i do enjoy horrible things. but people who like resident evil dont like it for the plot they like it for the characters. and for me i latched the fuck onto leon kennedy and tyrant t-00 aka mr fucking x

listen.......... you guys know me relatively well enough to know that i have a type......... and i would define leon as not really fitting under it usually because he is 1. under 6 foot 2. human and 3. very much not a villain. but something about (mostly remake) leon hits fucking different!!!!!! hes kind and means well, thinks about others constantly, looks like an actual fucking person in the in game graphics instead of being some manufactured perfect model, nice voice, etc....... i fucking care him so much. also gameplay wise i find his weapons to be more enjoyable than claires so i always end up playing his route/2nd route the most compared to hers. but i do also like claire :) shes nice and epic

i dont really like the newer leons (4 and afterwards) as much.... i mean a lot of it has to do with trauma and general “growing up” after what happened in re2 but hes just so constantly... snarky? jaded? constantly spouting lines to make him seem cool? when in my head hes very much like... a loser LMAO. i mean dont get me wrong hes a badass. he survives a fucking zombie outbreak and nearly gets murdered dozens of time. thats the definition of badass. but also you cannot change my mind that hes also a anxious loser twunk. there is literally nothing you can do to convince me he is “cool” like the games and movies want to think. this is probably heresy to re fans but this is my truth

https://youtu.be/aVZWuSfGStk?t=129

here is a vid of his cutscenes. obvious spoilers in there but you can skip around and see how cute he is. also yes in his first cutscene he is listening to butt rock. i switch between thinking hes just listening to it because nothing else is on the radio or his taste really is that terrible

also you literally CANNOT convince me that he is straight. the games try SOOOOO hard to get you to ship leon/ada or leon/claire but like...... i cannot see it. he has one of the gayest run animations i have ever seen in re2 remake and i mean... he just radiates gay trans man energy to me. also please look at this small scene from one of the animated movies where a licker jumps on top of him and he wraps his legs around its hips and lifts it off of him to not die. gay king

https://youtu.be/d-VNikxYBPw?t=9

but yes ive basically decided to ignore all characterization from re4 and onwards regarding leon at least. every leon after that is not my leon (except in special cases when im thinking about something like leon/jd from re damnation..... they did jd so dirty and they should have fucking kissed. or how cute he looked in vendetta sometimes)

ANYWAYS. MR X

so basically there are these enemies in resident evil called “tyrants” that are manufactured by the evil capitalist company umbrella that are near indestructible save for like.... rocket launchers or super heavy artillery that youre not buying at your local gun store. and in re2 one of them get sent to the police station where leon and claire are and is told to wipe out all witnesses. (i also do think that 2 or more were sent there... or at least in the area when this happened due to some very obvious plot hole stuff on each route no matter how you play, even tho the devs have come out and said that only 1 existed in the game and that each route is like “a parallel dimension” to each other. i wont go into it more than that but i choose to ignore that)

and well. when i first played it i knew of mr x but didnt like... know much about him other than that he was a monster and Tall (like 7 or 8 feet tall) and that he chased you around. that already sold me on him but then. well. you first encounter him because he lifts up an entire goddamn helicopter and then proceeds to chase you. and it was then that i knew i was in deep shit because he fucking stomped his way into my heart and never left.

mr x basically has serious Side Character Disorder where (even tho the remake made him very cool and epic and did him really well compared to nemesis in re3 remake which is an entire different can of worms) he has LITERALLY no personality or like. thoughts. or anything. hes only there to chase you around and be on screen for like 10 seconds for a couple of cutscenes and then not show up again until the very end of the game for you to fight on leons route. but god. he means so fucking much to me. 

you know how people latch onto random side characters that have no personality and essentially flesh them out more than the creators ever will? thats me with mr x. its gotten to the point where certain songs come on on my spotify and i actually get EMOTIONS or even TEARS because they remind me of him, but its not even really HIM, its the fucking ideas that ive come up with regarding him because all he ever does in game is chase you around and punch you and then die and is never brought up again

but anyways. mr x is a tall monster who chases leon and claire around in their routes but mr x is leons main monster in the game (claire has a different one). he chases leon around, literally never stops looking at him as he chases him, gets hit by an entire fucking car which then explodes BUT THEN chases him down into the sewers and into a secret underground lab just to get to him like a fucking bloodhound who, once he has the scent, will never stop chasing him

(you can see why this made me kind of insane)

just. AGHHH. the tyrants in this series get treated so dirty. i desperately want capcom to give us some sort of tyrant that can actually fucking like.... go against orders and brainwashing or whatever and actually have emotions and thoughts!!!!!!!!!! but capcom would never do anything with it cause its a rough and tough action series and people arent here to see tyrants have some sort of thought process beyond punching and killing and people only want to shoot guns at them instead of thinking about the possibilities of a tyrant that goes against its programming.

i so desperately want an au where mr x got the transmitter shot off of the side of his head (and while capcom never mentioned this ever many re2 fans have since decided that it is what feeds info/orders to him. i flip flop between thinking that it either is near controlling him and prevents free will and thought or that its just giving him orders and that hes just burying/hiding/not showing free will and thought in fear of being killed. either that or someone at umbrella is “piloting” him but also the whole point of tyrants is that theyre supposed to be smart enough to think for themselves somewhat so... eh). GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive explained a bunch of this stuff in my other ask about it but just...... xleon means so much to me when it should not and will never be actually canon

anyways please play re2 remake at least, you dont have to know everything about re1 to like it, just go into it knowing that a few months ago in the mountains outside raccoon city claires brother chris and a few members on his team went to a mansion where they discovered umbrella doing shady zombie shit there. re2 remake was hyped up for years for a reason and it is really good, even if its short (altho i do appreciate short games in this day and age cause not every game needs to be like 60 plus hours long). 

maybe one day when its not late and i can actually think i will explain all this better but todays not that day <3

(EDIT: ALSO RE DAMNATION TYRANTS ARE 14 FEET TALL. AND CHASE AROUND LEON AND ACTUALLY FUCKING RUN. FUN FACT! anyways while i do think jd in that movie and leon should kiss i also want leon and a tyrant from that movie to kiss. bye)

[legion1993]

title: Rebellion

Pairing: dean x reader

abo 2020 sq: alpha challenging alpha

fluff 2020 sq: thunderstorm

word count (optional):

summery: not telling

created for @spnabobingo​ @spnfluffbingo​

normal… what was normal… what did you ever know about normal… you were an alpha, your pack already had an alpha one of you had to go… 

you and Dean had been friendly rivals from the get go, but when you presented as an alpha he didnt know what to think… 

you both had to grow into the roles, reach your 21st birthdays before the council of wolves would have you both fight for the rite of Alpha, where the looser would become an omega… no two alphas can co exist in one singular pack… 

you were one of those types of wolves whose breeding had not been thourally instilled… you had always been told that you would one day have to fight for the rite to lead the pack.

 to be the one that makes all the calls for every single decision that the pack needs to make. Dean and you were hanging out the night before this tragic event would take place…

 Dean: “when you presented as an alpha i was shocked… my friend was an alpha… the girl that i have a crush on is an alpha…”

 dean now realizing what he said was now looking at you with slight amounts of plotting anad seduction written clear cross his face. he didnt want this event to take place either… 

YN: “what if you claimed me? would they still make us battle for the alpha rite?” 

Dean: “i have no idea but why would you…” 

You now were kneeling in front of him, looking straight into his eyes as he smiled… 

YN: “cause im in love with you… i cant see myself being with any one else for the rest of my life… its you Dean its always been you…” 

Dean: “what makes you think they would be okay with any of that? i mean they always taught us to be fierce and reveered… but if we told them we were in love wouldnt that technically be grounds for execution…”

 YN: “i dont care i mean if you pin me and then wait for the 5th strike of thunder, i would technically be omega and then you just claim…. wait a second… what if you claimed me during the fight like we rebel… but this would have to be done between the 2nd and 5th lightning strikes…”

 Dean pulled you into his lap and smiled as he planted a soft and gentle kiss to your lips… the idea of rebellion during this most fantastic event would go down in history as the first alphas challenge to go through rebellion… 

 staying in that grove it was peaceful not to be around everyone else… the pack was getting a little annoying what with everyone getting stuff ready and betting on who woul win the event…

 quite frankly you and Dean were quite happy being together in that grove… that is till the sky darkened… when it darkened you both werent disturbed right away but then the council guard bursted through the clearing…

 they grbbed you and Dean seperating you both from eachother dragging you guys back to the arena where the event would soon take place… you and Dean fighting the guards began immediately trying to claw your way back to eachother… but they stuck you both in the cages beside one another leaving you both alone… 

YN: “dean…” 

Dean turned his attention to you and moved closer to your cage… 

Dean: “im so sorry about this YN… if we were smart we would have ran away from all of this… self exile type thing… we could have started a pack all our own and no one would have ben able to stop us…”

 Dean was now holding your hand as you were his through the cages you both plotted schemed and trying to make sure you were on the same wave length before the guards would come back and take you both into the arena and force this ceremony upon you both… 

YN: “as long as we stick to the plan we should be good.. the plan should work…” 

Dean: “YN, what if this rebellion thing doesnt work?”

 YN: “then you need to take the rite, become the alpha… knock me out and claim the alpha spot… you deserve it more than i do…” 

Dean: “i will ensure it doesnt come to that, if we stick to the plan we will reign forever together… i will claim and mate you during this shit show if i have too… just to prove a point…” 

You smiled blushing as you both continued to hold hands trying to stay calm that is till the guards actually came through the door… they once again pulled you both away from eachother…

 ~The hardest thing to do is to be forced to fight the one you know you are meant to be with…~ 

They dragged you both in electronic chains to the arena… they tossed you both into the opening and made their ways out of the arena… it began to thunder and rain, but you got up starring at Dean who could only stare at you with love reflecting in both of your eyes… 

Dean: “we wont do it…” 

YN: “we wont participate in your sick games…”

 Dean: “this council is blinded by the traditions of old.. if they took one moment if any of you took a good look at my relationship with YN anyone would see that we love eachother and have for years… today when we were in the grove, we almost mated… we wanted to.. but if none of you are gonna listen to reason right now then maybe this will change your minds…”

 You stood to your feet as Dean did the plan now fully in motion… the chains that bonded both of your hands fell to the floor. The crowd of people who obviously not listening to reason, had to witness this entire charade to ensure that no one ever questioned you guys judgement again…

 Dean: “you wanna be alpha i dont think so…” 

YN: “your the love of my life but the rite of alpha is my birthright…” 

Dean: “bring it on babe!” 

You lunged straight at him knocking him on his ass before you could fully vault over him and land he grabbed hold of your foot and swung you to the ground, you flipped over and for the next little bit it was counting the lightning strikes… 

One strike was when you became the pinner again… strike 2 was deans dominance, strike 3 was you then when strike 4 hit, dean had you pinned he switched positions so you were on your knees and he was standing… 

 Hjs hands turned to claws, his teeth to fangs his voice deepen to the deepest you had heard it in the longest time… 

Dean: “at last i am gonna be the only alpha in this god damn fucking pack…” 

Dean pulled your head to the side exposing your neck as he was about to intact the final part of the plan… but the council members watched this play out and had a few things of their own to say… 

Council member 1: “no…” 

Council member 2: “is he gonna do it?”

 Council leader: “guards get down there and stop them…before he claims her…” 

The guards got down there but it was too late for as soon as they entered, dean sunk his fangs into your neck and claimed you… the entire council was shocked, the leader was angry, the people who had raised both of you were shocked but happy for the 2 of you… 

The guards backed away careful not to get too close for they all knew that once your claimed the one who claimed you would go wild trying to protect you… Dean pulls back as the 5th bolt strike…

 he lets out a huge earth shattering roar… this made every single omega and beta in the entire arena submitted, your body became putty in Deans arms… you were conscious but you knew who your mate was.. 

 Dean shifted back to normal, scooped you into his arms and walked both of you out of the arena and into the medical area… laying you  a bed he goes to get the first aid kit. He comes back to sit behind you to patch you up… 

 Dean: “well rhe plan worked… or so it seems…” 

YN: “i feel strange my body is reacting to your touch more than it did before…" 

Dean: “I love you YN! Now shall we go walk through the streets back to search of a place that we may soon call our own…” 

You stretch slightly still feeling strange you nod getting up back on your feet. Dean held your hand, both of you walked out of the medical area, feeling the eyes of many upon your forms. 

 The council blocked the exit from the arena… you both were not sure what to do, but if they followed the laws no one could be able to hurt either of them… 

Council leader: “you both violated the event, the sacred rite set out in the laws of our forefathers, we are ashamed but since you both want to defy the laws i guess we have no choice… either you guys send yourselves into exile or by the laws of the forefathers and marry then consummate the marriage, it would be by that act of marriage that you both would not be shunned by the entire pack… the choice is yours but your families have wanted to see you both for a little bit now… go to them and make known of your decisions to us soon…” 

Dean and you stood tall and watched the guards and council members move away from the door allowing you both to exit. You both then head to find your families. Knowing that soon your decisions would come into the light…

your mom: “we are all on the same page about what happened at the arena, but we want you both to know that whatever decision you both…”

Dean: “we love eachother very much and i think i speak for both of us when i say that we just want to make a life together for ourselves, we only did what we did during the rite cause we thought the council would see reason…”

his mom: “we know that i know you both will be very happy together… we also have something that we hope will help… we recently purchased some land close by, there is a structure on the land, the deed is in your names. Your father's are already moving in some of your stuff, and they are just finishing the glossing on the bed frame, they also got a mattress and built a bunch more furniture its the perfect place combining what the both of you are. we are all very proud of the wonderful people you both have become and really proud of how you both stood up to the council. they are steamed but once they learn of your decision things will get easier i promise...”

You hold tight to Deans hands and smile slightly as you begin to speak...

YN: “mom and mom in law if i can call you that. can we level with you slightly? we want to get used to being bonded then decide for sure what we want to do... but we know one thing for sure we will not abandon the pack...”

Dean: “YN is the best part of me as i am of her... what she has said is as it shall be.. i assume that the council grilled you guys for information after the entire ordeal... look we know that we put you guys in quite the pickle... but right now we need you guys to not tell the council any of what we have spoken... we will head out now as dads have returned, im sure you both can have them understand why we didnt stay...”

Dean winks at your moms as they nod watching you and Dean get up from your seating and walking out the back door. the most difficult part of growing up is knowing when to leave home and start a new life with someone you love.

this is exactly what you and Dean were doing... this is exactly what was happening. as you and dean followed your moms carefully laid out instructions it led you both straight to the house that your parents had put so much work into...

Dean: “the outside structure is amazing! i can see what they mean by it is a unique combination of both of us... now after you my dear...”

the last concious thought of both your minds was walking through the door of the house, everything after that was a blurr... neither of you would remember till mornings light... but thats a story for another time...

[yan-purgatory]

Fingering w Bang Chan

may i please request a chan smut where he's fingering y/n in the back of the bus and threatens her to keep quiet or else she'll get punished later

ofc you may cutie. ^.^ also im sorry I did change the bus part slightly which I only noticed halfway thru writing and I didn’t want to change anything... so do forgive me, I’m sorry x2

!NSFW!

Pairing: Idol!Chan x reader (ft rest of skz!)

Warning: Fingering & some filthy language / I am not responsible for what you read.

Word count: 2k

Admin  ❦

Chan your time has come...

sm warning! sm = half smut(?) ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

“Try to say quiet, understand?”

Your eyes widened at Chan’s out of the blue statement as you looked at him with an eyebrow raised wondering what was now on his mind, all day he had been looking at you up and down all day maybe just maybe it was the short black skirt you were wearing today, you couldn’t help it, you just looked so adorable and attractive at the same time in Chan’s eyes and everyone’s in fact, that’s what angered him you were teasing him... by accident of course but he didn’t know that.

All-day the boys were staring at your legs, your curves, your everything

Chan was mad, so you had to be punished,

His right hand was suddenly on your knee instead of his lap as he used his thump to rub your knee gently as he looked up at you with a small smile on his face as his eyes shined with lust instead of the innocence it once held, Chan’s dyed hair bounced as he shifted his head to the side to see where the other two members’s sat, which was an issue

The issue was, you two sat the very front, not at the back so you had to be very quiet unless you wanted, Minho and Felix noticing the sinful things you two were about to do just a few feet away from them, luckily there was a divider between you all and the driver, so you didn’t have to worry about that.

Just the two next to you...And pray to god Jisung or Changbin from behind you two don’t peek their nosy heads over at the two of you in action...how would you explain that?

You felt yourself flushing in colour as Chan’s veiny hand ever so slowly slide its way higher and higher until finally after feeling like centuries it sat on your thigh as his finger’s seemed to settle in the split between your thighs which were parted together since you could feel your own arousal grow and the feeling was becoming uncomfortable due to your panties sticking to your core.

Chan budged his hand between your legs grabbing your left thigh caressing the skin as he recklessly pushed it closer to his own causing your panties to be in sight for anyone who came in front of you but luckily no one would, hopefully

“C-chan we shouldn’t,” You laughed lightly as your voice was bumpy in embarrassment as you looked up at him to find his facial expression meaningless as he kept a straight face pulling his phone out with his free hand opening it, doing whatever on it, its not like you could see it at this moment you were to distracted by Chan’s cold fingers tapping along your inner thigh as he used his index and middle finger to imitate feet walking up, closer and closer towards your core.

“What did I say? Not a peep from you,” Chan warned you as his eye’s spared a small glance at you to only soon be redirected to his phone screen.

You could feel yourself become hot from embarrassment and fear, fear of being caught, it’s not like they would exactly tell you off it's just the 2nd-degree embarrassment everyone else would feel, I mean it isn’t the first time you and Chan have been caught in the act and surely it wouldn’t be the last either, you just didn’t want that to be too soon.

You still get annoyed every time Jisung brings it up about you and chan “doing the do” on the couch, next time he says it you will just have to give him a swift right hook that will show him who’s boss.

You were too caught up in your own fantasy about giving that teasing squirrel-like man what he deserved you didn’t even realize Chan’s hand stuff its way between your skirt cupping your clit causing you to hold in a gasp as his hand rested against your panties as his middle finger started slowly rubbing on the soft cloth causing all past thoughts and emotions to be put on hold as your body started to enjoy every small movement he gave you, bringing you the best pleasure just from a single act.

You didn’t even realise yourself smiling widely like an idiot but Chan did and he knew it would bring attention to the both of you if one of the boys turned their head in your direction, so he had to stop you and he did, in the least threatening way he could

“Don’t make me take you home and punish you,”

What? You turned to Chan to be greeted with the side of his face as his head was still reflected on his phone screen, his perfect jawline was the only thing that bothered to greet you which you didn’t mind, Chan did have the perfect face hand grafted by the gods.

You didn’t bother to even try making eye contact with him as you knew it would be pointless which actually hurt Chan’s pride a little bit, he wanted you begging for him but he will never admit that, the fact you two could be caught excited him.

Chan’s middle finger stopped its assault on your clit as suddenly two fingers hooked to the side of your panties pushing them to the side causing most of your core to be exposed, as you felt the cold air from the air conditioning attach itself to your seeping core causing you to feel even more sensitive than before.

Chan’s smirk rose its way onto his lips as his dimples were exposed as his eyes still remained on his phone so if anyone was to take a first glimpse at the both of you it would look like a lovely couple, one on their phone while the other one looked like they were struggling to breathe, normal.

You for a split second gasped, and that’s when you knew you had fucked up big time as you saw Chan’s eye twitch as he slowly turned his head towards your own as he slowly but gently bumped heads with you as he brought his now phone-free hand towards his face as his index was placed over his lips as he let out a light “shh” as he gave you a quick peck on the lips resting his back, back on the heat warmed seat.

Just when you thought you had got away with it easy Chan just had to say something ruining the silence between the two of you.

“Silence darling, unless you want everyone to know how bad you are dripping all over my fingers,”

And with that Chan pushed a rough finger inside you causing you to bite hard on the inside of your cheek as you felt yourself gasp on the inside, your stomach felt like it was going to explode at any given moment.

Your cheeks flushed deeply as Chan’s finger got faster and faster as his thumb pressed onto your clit hard as he felt the slickness cover his whole finger as he tried his hardest not to burst out laughing at your struggling face he could basically see the sweat drip down the side of your forehead which caused this to get more appealing for him

His thrusting was fast and hard Chan wasn’t about to go easy on you, no you didn’t deserve it.

While his middle finger carried on its assault and his thump carried on with your clit his other fingers would collide to your core causing you to become more and more sensitive.

Your eyes tried their hardest not to roll back as you tried looking for anything to distract you, and you did.

Chan’s bulge was noticeable in his jeans and that's where you would get your revenge, your hand softly slid across chan’s hand crossing over to his right thigh as your hand rested there you felt him purposely flex the muscle under your hand to just get a single reaction from you.

Chan reflected on your hand placed on his thigh as he knew his bulge was not something to go unnoticed, where you really trying to tease him? Cute

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you,” Chan firmly said as his eyes reflected at your core watching his own hand move in and out.

Why didn’t you listen? You moved your hand teasingly on his bulge pressing your palm down on his clothed cock as he let out a silent grunt

Two can play that game was what Chan was thinking as he pushed another finger into you causing you to gasp, your hand movements stopped suddenly as both your hands imminently placed themselves onto his forearm gripping onto him to avoid yourself shaking all over the seat.

Chan was cruel with his fingers as he deliberately avoided your g-spot as he smirked to himself a small chuckle left his mouth as he knew, he had won that round.

The sound of your wetness colliding with his fingers was noticeable to the both of you causing you to feel even more aroused which wasn’t helping you, but Chan’s pride was being well fed.

“C-chan I’m a-abo-” Your voice came out as a wobbly whimper as you tried telling Chan that you were very close.

But what did he say?

“You’re in trouble now, don’t even dream about me going easy on you,” He interrupted you roughly as his finger’s somehow, inhumanly got faster causing you to nearly scream out right there and then.

Your high got closer and closer until you felt yourself at breaking point your fingernails dug into his forearm as your stomach felt like it was on fire by his finger’s it was amazing really how you haven’t come by now.

Your legs weren’t even off the ground but they felt like they were about to give up on you from the pleasure you were ever so luckily receiving.

And Chan did notice it, his smirk stayed on his face as his eyebrow raised cockily as he leaned closer towards and his fingers never slowed down which caused you to get more nervous, was he expecting a reply back from you?

“I want you to come, do it now or don’t even think about doing it all,”

Did you hear right?

Chan gave you a quick cheek kiss as he smiled lazily towards you as he picked up his phone which was rested on his thigh and he started playing around with it again.

But if he wanted you to come, he wanted you to come and that's what you did.

You're high reached its peak as you bit your bottom lip hard as your eyes closed tightly as you felt your hole spasm around his fingers as you let go.

Weight was lifted off your shoulder’s as you finished as your breathing started to calm down as you turned your head to Chan to see him smiling at you shooting you a quick wink as you rolled your eyes at him looking down to your lap, sorting out your skirt to make everything seem normal.

A notification took you off guard as your still shaking hand picked your phone up to find the new message by...Chan

<<You taste amazing btw>>

You visibly felt yourself blushing again, as the bus took a sharp holt motioning the drive was over and you finally arrived home.

Finally.

You watched everyone else leave the bus beside you and Chan, of course, Minho and Felix also stayed put in their seats chatting to each other, until they both turned to you a smug look on their faces.

Your legs felt like jelly as you tried acting as natural as possible to walk out of the bus without leaving any kind of sign that something was wrong with you.

You didn’t even last five seconds before you heard Minho’s stupid laugh and his cocky comment

“Enjoyed yourself did you Y/n?”

A/N: Does anyone here stan the rose? Because damn woosung’s new song was the definition of perfect.

Sorry for any possible spelling mistakes, English is my first language I just suck at it & re-reading my work is not my forte 

Also ty for 200 followers! It hasn’t even been ten days which is unbelievable but, once again thank you from all the admins. ♡

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[jordantanevisualessay]

Nicolas Connor Barnes

My mom named me after the actor Nicolas Cage and I hate it, its horrible. Also my dad apparently named me after Sinéad O'Connor you know who she is? the one who sang “Cause nothing compares to you” that girl who is now a crack head so my dad just pulled her last name and put it in mine. Anyway that’s my name.

Tell me about your family?

My Mom’s family is a bunch of crack heads. My dad’s side obviously don’t know my dad, but I still keep in contact with my Aunty, Uncle, Grandma and Grandpa from that side. My mom was a single mom, she remarried. But besides all that they are all from Australia and just plain white. 

Describe your aesthetic

Extra , Boujee, Colourful would you say I’m colourful 

What do you mean by colourful?

Like I have a lot of colours, like yellows and blues and purples.

Oh like you’re colour palette?

Yes, so yeah I said colourful, would you describe my style as designer? Like is that a thing? 

What designer brands are you into?

Gucci, Louis Vuitton, love me some Prada, Dior, Chanel, Dolce, Versace, Bottega Venetta, Jimmy Choo, Fendi, I could be here all day.

So just anything designer essentially?

Of course

So obviously we have known each other since high school, and we have seen a lot of our friends change dramatically, so my question is do you think you have changed since high school up until now? Or even seen a change during high school?

I think I have definitely started to come out of my shell more, like I felt more comfortable to kind of wear what I want, I don’t give a fuck now, like I don’t care if you don’t like it, If I wanted to wear a fur coat to class bitch I will and I’ve done it. 

Through this project I have been reflecting back in year 9 till like both of us in our 2nd year of Uni 

Oh I had terrible style in year 9, actually I think we all did, we all thought we were hot fly and sexy.

How would you describe your sense of humour?

Certainly very dark and inappropriate, but also like I find very immature things quite funny. You know actually imma go real deep here, the reason I think I enjoy immature jokes is cause I never got the chance to be immature as a kids and that’s a fact. Hit the dong on the head with that. But yeah that’s the thing with you and I, feel like we both missed out on our childhood’s and kind of being a kid almost, so yeah that’s probably why I’m the way I am. I find certain stuff really funny but at the same time very mature for my age.

Do you feel like people don’t like that? 

Mainly people would just say oh you can’t laugh at that. But I would generally say it turns some people off but at the same time I don’t really care, I’ll do what I want.

In regards to your humour and perdsonality do you feel like you need to hold back at times? 

I just don’t care. If you don’t like my humour you can just fuck off somewhere else. Like what I find very self deprecating humour funny some people obviously don’t and like I find that very funny and if don’t like it its not my problem.

So tell me, what are your influences?

In terms of what like in life?

Yeah, before we get into like you’re aesthetic influences, I would love to know your life influences or even you why

Definitely my mother, 100% my mom and also just my self influence of wanting to do well for myself. But its definitely because of my mom I am where I’m at, she’s the only influence I need. 

What actually got you into designer clothes?

This is going to sound really stupid, but around the time of year 11 was when I started to become interested in it. And around that time I started watching, this is so terrible, I started watching you know house wives and all of their designer wear,  it was all a different world to me. So I would be like ooh I like that and would google it have a look at the website and find more stuff and then it was a continuous thing, each week a new episode would come out you would see it. Also a lot of the music I listen to its all about the Gucci bags and all of that. It wasn’t until about year 13 my last year of high school I started to watch more Youtube luxury videos of like unboxings, but yeah in year 13 was when I was like I really want these things but can’t afford them. And I actually started to buy fake designer items. And that was around about 6 months and then I stopped, got myself a nice little collection, then once we came out of lockdown the following year, I had all this money and I was like you know what I always wanted to go and buy something and that’s where it started and it hasn’t stopped. So now I don’t buy any fake designer items my stuff is real. A lot of people can call me shallow or whatever but in a way that’s what I put value and that’s my pride, happy and joy. 

Do you feel like you value objects more than people?

Yes omg facts, and they wont turn your back on you they will be right where you left them yesterday.

I know you mentioned before that one of your first designer influences was house wives, what actually got you into the show?

I still watch them, it was because I had a lot going on for me personally during that time, and for me that show even today its the same reason, you see a bunch of people fighting all the time, they go on holiday, they go shopping, and that is a life, not like what I want to have but a life you can almost live by curiously through, so I can put my shit on the side and invest in someone else’s drama, cause its not my drama so I can watch you fight and its not my problem. And it just spiralled out of control but like I have a picture of fucking  Lil’ Kim on my wall dressed in Chanel like she is obviously an influence on me and so is foxy brown. And if whoever asked who are your style icons and I know they are woman and we cannot wear the same things, I mean we could but it would be very strange, but those are my style influences.

I know in this day of age a lot of people are crossing those gender boundaries when it comes to style, is that something you would want to explore?

Like would I want walk across the street in heels, no. Thats not for me but I generally feel once I move out of home, cause my mom does make some comments on what I buy and decide to wear, but once I do move out of home I will be able to wear more. Im not huge on purses or anything like that not for me. Honey I sit there all the time looking at them, like they are so beautiful. But still not for me, but still there are some for when I do move out of home then I may be able to start looking into that more. I more kind of want to explore that unisex area of more feminine fashion but also masculine at the same time. I wouldn’t go for a purse which is feminine but I just want that balance. 

Would you use/wear a purse or like have them on display?

Like look at my Chanel bag I’ve never warn, but yeah once I do move out of home there are bags I do want like the Chanel Boy bag, its not a super feminine its more one of the masculine bags they have but it certainly not a ‘guys’ bag. It’s probably one of those things that I will grow into at some stage.

Theres certainly a scale of some kind of  masculinity and Femininity what are your personal thoughts on that and where would you fall on that scale?

Personally for me, Im certainly not the most masculine fellow out there but there are way more feminine people than me as well, but I would say I’m in the middle but leaning more towards the masculine. Im certainly in that middle point because there are some part of me that can be quite feminine.

So yeah back when we talked about Influences you talked about housewives and but then mentioned a bit about music so tell me more

I listen to a lot of current things when I was young like whatever Britney Spears had put out, whatever was just on the radio, we didn’t have Spotify or anything like that, and then it go into 2014 I got very interested in Nicki Minaj, she’s kind of into her fashion as well but I didn’t really take any notice of her. This is really strange but I found out about Lil’ Kim cause they both had beef, instantly liked Lil’ Kim more than Niki Minaj, and that’s when I began to notice she was a bit more out there. One of the first songs I listened to by Lil’ Kim the first line was “Being the first rap bitch to rock Chanel” and it was just very prevalent, and even all of her outfits and everything was very extra. 

What Is the main difference between Lil’ Kim and Niki Minaj? 

Honestly they are quite similar to each other, and thats why they had problems. For example Doja Cat, I almost would say Niki Minaj, Cardi B and Doja Cat are in the same box in terms of how they are very poppy, rappy. But Lil’ Kim is outta of the hood, and she’s never really done like pop music its very hardcore rap. Same with Foxy Brown, again all hardcore rap and even some of their music has heavy depth. I was thinking there’s a quote by Foxy Brown “And if you only knew I hold my minks at nights with cheap, Or no other hands can hold me right” Things like that are just like ouch, like I feel that. Obviously they are both very like into their designer labels so I was like me too. I just love that they don’t keep it PG and I can relate to that as I’m very outspoke myself. I just love me some hood music. 

Yeah and you just started recently going clubbing now too

Yeah I got to the point where I was like you know what I need to experience it at least once before I’m too old, and now I just keep going. I actually saw old videos of me slut dropping and back in that moment I thought I was hot as fuck but after seeing that not anymore.

What Clubs do you go to?

One of the first places I went to was Shadows which in enjoyed since they played early 2000s music I was all up in on that. Went to Ding Dong, it was creepy, didn’t like it, it was a very satanic vibe. It was an underground bar with a bunch of strip polls and shit like that, it was weird. Bar 101 is terrible, been once and never again. Went to Cassette for like 4 hours, Cassette was so much fun and then I went to Family Bar for like the rest if the night. But yeah my main bar/club is Family Bar. Even though there is just drugs everywhere shirtless people like where am I. 

What you mentioned before about once you move out and have more freedom where do you see yourself in that future ahead?

Hopefully I will be graduated by then. I really don’t think my style is going to changed its just going to be more of it. Alot more outfits, shoes, bags, hopefully some diamonds. Love me some diamonds. Me as a person, I don’t think I’m going to change much either, I say that because I look at everyone else I grew up with especially  from high school I would say everyone changed completely compared to myself, some for better some for worst. I’ve felt like I’ve been consistent with who I am, so I don’t think that’s gonna change. I’ve never had that rebellious phase that most of us goes through. I had to keep it real, having that childhood innocence taken from you and having to be mature early on, theres no room for that rebellious side, there’s so many bigger things in life than just vaping and doing that shit. But like I still have my fun you know, just have my head screwed on straight. 

How have you coped with this current lockdown?

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve really struggled with this lockdown. Like I just don’t wanna do anything, I will literally just sit here dead sad, so I just start drinking and I will just drink, like last night I got fucked. I’ve drank everyday, I’ve finished a bottle of grey goose in a couple of days. I’m just really struggling but I know once this lockdown is over, my life will pick itself over. Im not worried I will become like an alcoholic or something but its been rough. 

Tell me about your Instagram Lux with Nico 

Oh no, oh god, okay well its my Instagram page, which I haven’t on for a long time. It was a way for me to get into the community of designer lovers, like I’ve met some amazing people through it. Especially here in New Zealand, people don’t really get the whole designer thing.  My mom is always like what the fuck, why do you need this, and a lot of my friends don’t understand it either but they kind of accepted it but I do feel some sort of judgement from some people, they just don’t get it. So its nice to have that community not in a bragging kind of way like omg I brought a Gucci bag, and there’s other people excited for you and when they get something you get excited for them, and its a nice community to be apart of it. You get to see a lot of other peoples things and they get to see yours and you can get into those conversations. It’s nice but it always does has it dark side to it, its like a blog and you are wanting that blog to grow and they only way for it to grow is when you buy things. So I felt this kind of self pressure to be like “omg I haven’t gotten anything a new thing in like a week, what am I gonna post” so then I would go look at Prada like go looking for anything to buy just so I can upload something, to keep growing my account. Cause I did this everyday for awhile, and I just ran out of things. You look at other peoples accounts and they buy like Louis Vuitton bag like every week. I came to realise that was very fucking stupid, you should only buy things that you want and can afford. So yeah there is that dark side to it and you can go down that hole, you feel like you have to buy things for other people to look at. Which really it’s not what it’s about.

Do you wish to continue with that account and going into that social media realm?

I do, but I got this point where I ran out of things to post about. Like do I start posting pictures of the same thing but in a different angle? I mean I’ve brought things that I haven’t posted. But for me if i’m going to start posting again, I want it to be regular thing. And yeah I can post maybe weekly and space it out but you can’t really grow your account, you need to be very consistent if you want your account to really grow. I got to like 300 followers in a month, like I know that’s not huge and that’s even 3 times that what I have on my own personal account. After awhile the numbers were kind of slowish because you reach all the people that are interested in your shit. More people did come and I even had people like I had this girl who did custom designs on designer items and I had people like that who reached out to me, being like “oh we love your collection, we would love to do this for you etc” that’s stuff is nice and all but I did get to the point where I was like I don’t know what else to do here. 

Using your imagination is there anything else you would love to do besides posting of your designer items etc? Like even create your own stuff?

I would love to make my own collection of something, actually I would love to sell shoes, like design my own shoes. Would love love to do that, but then i’m like how would even start that sort of thing, would people even buy my shit. 

Would you say your favourite designer item is shoes?

Well, the only things i’ve brought this year have been all shoes. I mean I love my shoes, that’s my thing. 

And on top of all of that your studying psychology

Yeah I’m wanting to get into the Clinical side of psychology, I’m currently in my 2nd year doing a bachelor  of Psychology at University of Auckland. I think the reason of me wanting to get into that field stems from childhood things, like all of the people studying psychology are fucked up so. But yeah I would love to help someone else and give them that second chance. Currently at the moment we are doing a section on relationships and intimacy, I would love to be a relationship therapist that would be great, like that to me is super interesting. 

Why are you more interested in the relationship side of psychology? 

Don’t know really, just very interesting to me, seeing how relationships work through its ups and downs and all that kind of stuff. And for order for me to get into Clinical I will need to get a PHD and write a whole thesis, so I was kind of thinking of doing something on the lines of retail therapy, and I feel that would be very interesting for me to explore in a psychological level. 

So I know you are wanting to become a psychologist after your studies but do you think you would ever get into designing your own stuff like you mentioned before?

I would love to have my own brand or design something, that’s not a realistic goal though. You have to work fucking hard, everyone will say the work you put into is what you get out of it. You can put your heart and soul and even money all kinds of shit, but if no one buys you’re shit you’re not successful. So half of it is yeah people have to like it and want to buy it cause otherwise you ain’t going to be making shit. But if you go into a job in like psychology there is good money associated with and there is money for it, so for me that’s the most financially responsible decision. 

Were you born here in New Zealand?

Yeah I’m actually from Palmerston North, we lived briefly in Rotorua and then lived in Auckland up until now. I don’t really have a sense of belonging to a particular place, like Auckland yeah I grew up in the city and I have respect towards it but I don’t wanna live here, but also know that I’m very luck and very thankful for being in Auckland cause I don’t not think I could survive anywhere else. I know that sounds terrible but like Wellington I don’t like the atmosphere, Christchurch is the same. And anything smaller than that no thanks, we live in the city and I’m very thankful for that, we’re in the most established place in the country, and I’m grateful that I live here in Auckland. Im a mother fucking city girl. 

Do you wanna move outside of New Zealand then?

I know for a fact I do not want to stay here, I would actually love to live in Dubai or like Sidney or even London. Theres nothing really keeping me here in New Zealand, like I don’t have a huge family or anything and the opportunities here are very far in-between, cause I do feel like in New Zealand there’s a certain place you can end up, and no room for growth but I feel like in other countries there’s more opportunities, more money to be made and even more places you can go. So that my reason. 

Like you mentioned before about not having a lot of family holding you here, I know for a lot of people they are rooted to where they come from and have that connection what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah I just feel like this is where I live and that’s about it, I don’t see myself being here forever.

Do want that family aspect like in your future would like to start your own family?

I think so, I want to find a place where I can call my own, I mean you never know once you explore the world. Its quite interesting thinking about life like that. Yeah I’ve never realised how much your childhood affects you in your adult life until now. Especially of the way I am, that I’m very closed off. I do have that part of me that wishes for a family which I didn’t have growing up but then at the same time I’ve gone along time without it so why do I need it. Honestly I feel like would be a good parent but I don’t think I would want children, cause I would always try to do the best for my children and at the same time I don’t have real desire to have them. 

How are you with people Generally?

Oh still hate people, I think everyone is a piece of shit.

Final question of the day but what are your life goals? 

Having a job, be financially stable and just do the best I can for me personally. I know that sounds very boring and cliché but that’s the truth.

[jxtae30-blog]

mon amour

 || Namjoon x Reader

Genre : COMPLETE FLUFF why not 💖 hes so adorable sjahdidjk okay sorry

Plot: 2 months engaged to a wonderful man and you guys are just having a regular day as an engaged, loving couple 🌹 short piece cuz im lame; 

Enjoy ✨

“Babe I’m home,” I exclaimed from the front door, and suddenly walking into a broken piece of wood for the 2nd time since yesterday. “Joon, can you come fix this floor board, I keep tripping over it and I don’t want anybody else getting hurt from it,” I said loudly. No answer. “Joon, you there? I’m home, it was so crazy today and such a handful with so many customers,” I said while taking off my jacket. No answer again. I walk into the kitchen to find nobody, I walked into the small office room, bathroom, and no sign. Where is he? 

As I was unbuttoning my blouse to let some air in (sweaty boobs exist), I looked down to see a trail of single rose petals leading to the bedroom and out into our balcony. The room was a little dim, but the balcony was lit up with small white candles. I entered the balcony to see a table with 2 silver platters and some wine dipped in an ice bucket. The vanilla scented swished around our surroundings due to some of the scented candles I suppose. It was all so beautiful and lovely, but where...

A pair of hands embrace my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. The resting body behind me was all too well to go unnoticed, I turned around and put my hands around the man I will forever be content with. 

“Those eyes.. sometimes I wonder where you were all those times I felt like I was missing something..” He said, ever so softly. 

“Hmm.. I think I could say the same,” I smiled. Our eyes had communicated for us, we just stood there and made time for each other to listen to the faint heartbeats. He pulls away and bows like a prince, giving his hand out, “Mademoiselle, may I take you away tonight and onto a lovely dinner filled with sweetness and grace, without you there will be none of those tonight, for you are the living proof of sweet and grace,” I giggled from the romanceful act, also joining in on the play. “My good sir, I humbly will join such lovely dining with a well-mannered, handsome, incredibly over-the-top acting man, and my loving soon-to-be my husband,” I bowed back and taking his hand in return. 

“Soon-to-be? Why not right now,” Namjoon said warmly while guiding me to my seat and him seating in his across from me. 

“The wedding isn’t until June, love. It’s only March,” I said warmly. 

“Well, I know..” he had a frown on his face. 

“Hmm..” I stood up and sat on his open lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked closely into him, “since the day we met, I just knew. Sounds cheesy huh?” I laughed at his smiling face.

“Yes, but I love that about you,” he’s sweet embrace around my waist once again warms my body and soul, “your cheesy honesty, your annoyingly cute face.. you’ve been a strong woman your whole life y/n, you’ve experienced the hardships that came across you, and I know this because even though I didn’t grow up with you, you wouldn’t be the person you are now. It wouldn’t have shaped you into who you are. The things you do everyday for me, for us, and for our future. Inspiring and beautiful.. utterly..” His lips coming closer to mine, his eyes staring down at my glossed up lips, pausing just barely grazing over each other’s skin, and finally intertwining. Lips so soft and full of promises, we both knew this about each other. This passion within me, this blssful kiss...I had everything I ever wanted.  

We broke off briefly to catch air, and he said, “And now, you get to spend the rest of your life with me, no exceptions, no objections,” he giggled. 

“I like the sound of that,” I seductively whispered into his ear. This seemed to set off something within him, I felt a twitch under me. 

“Shall we?” I whispered, roaming my hands through his straight locks of blonde, earning a groan. He stood up, with me in his arms, and started walking inside the room and out of the moonlit balcony.

“By the way, that floor board needs to be fixed soon, you hear me?” I said. He laughed hysterically and tilting his head back, almost making me fall, I yelped in response. 

“Yes ma’am,” and the door clicked, clothes dismantling to the floor. 

/// It wasn’t really fluff, just 90% of it ;) idk how to feel about this ITS TOO DAMN SHORT EFOR WKJEFKW IM SORRY but hope yall enjoyed babes, have a wonderful day!! 

[drkcnry67]

title: Rebellion

Pairing: dean x reader

abo 2019 sq: alpha challenging alpha

fluff 2020 sq: thunderstorm

word count (optional):

summery: not telling

created for @spnabobingo​ @spnfluffbingo​

normal… what was normal… what did you ever know about normal… you were an alpha, your pack already had an alpha one of you had to go… 

you and Dean had been friendly rivals from the get go, but when you presented as an alpha he didnt know what to think… 

you both had to grow into the roles, reach your 21st birthdays before the council of wolves would have you both fight for the rite of Alpha, where the looser would become an omega… no two alphas can co exist in one singular pack… 

you were one of those types of wolves whose breeding had not been thourally instilled… you had always been told that you would one day have to fight for the rite to lead the pack.

 to be the one that makes all the calls for every single decision that the pack needs to make. Dean and you were hanging out the night before this tragic event would take place…

 Dean: “when you presented as an alpha i was shocked… my friend was an alpha… the girl that i have a crush on is an alpha…”

 dean now realizing what he said was now looking at you with slight amounts of plotting anad seduction written clear cross his face. he didnt want this event to take place either… 

YN: “what if you claimed me? would they still make us battle for the alpha rite?” 

Dean: “i have no idea but why would you…” 

You now were kneeling in front of him, looking straight into his eyes as he smiled… 

YN: “cause im in love with you… i cant see myself being with any one else for the rest of my life… its you Dean its always been you…” 

Dean: “what makes you think they would be okay with any of that? i mean they always taught us to be fierce and reveered… but if we told them we were in love wouldnt that technically be grounds for execution…”

 YN: “i dont care i mean if you pin me and then wait for the 5th strike of thunder, i would technically be omega and then you just claim…. wait a second… what if you claimed me during the fight like we rebel… but this would have to be done between the 2nd and 5th lightning strikes…”

 Dean pulled you into his lap and smiled as he planted a soft and gentle kiss to your lips… the idea of rebellion during this most fantastic event would go down in history as the first alphas challenge to go through rebellion… 

 staying in that grove it was peaceful not to be around everyone else… the pack was getting a little annoying what with everyone getting stuff ready and betting on who woul win the event…

 quite frankly you and Dean were quite happy being together in that grove… that is till the sky darkened… when it darkened you both werent disturbed right away but then the council guard bursted through the clearing…

 they grbbed you and Dean seperating you both from eachother dragging you guys back to the arena where the event would soon take place… you and Dean fighting the guards began immediately trying to claw your way back to eachother… but they stuck you both in the cages beside one another leaving you both alone… 

YN: “dean…” 

Dean turned his attention to you and moved closer to your cage… 

Dean: “im so sorry about this YN… if we were smart we would have ran away from all of this… self exile type thing… we could have started a pack all our own and no one would have ben able to stop us…”

 Dean was now holding your hand as you were his through the cages you both plotted schemed and trying to make sure you were on the same wave length before the guards would come back and take you both into the arena and force this ceremony upon you both… 

YN: “as long as we stick to the plan we should be good.. the plan should work…” 

Dean: “YN, what if this rebellion thing doesnt work?”

 YN: “then you need to take the rite, become the alpha… knock me out and claim the alpha spot… you deserve it more than i do…” 

Dean: “i will ensure it doesnt come to that, if we stick to the plan we will reign forever together… i will claim and mate you during this shit show if i have too… just to prove a point…” 

You smiled blushing as you both continued to hold hands trying to stay calm that is till the guards actually came through the door… they once again pulled you both away from eachother…

 ~The hardest thing to do is to be forced to fight the one you know you are meant to be with…~ 

They dragged you both in electronic chains to the arena… they tossed you both into the opening and made their ways out of the arena… it began to thunder and rain, but you got up starring at Dean who could only stare at you with love reflecting in both of your eyes… 

Dean: “we wont do it…” 

YN: “we wont participate in your sick games…”

 Dean: “this council is blinded by the traditions of old.. if they took one moment if any of you took a good look at my relationship with YN anyone would see that we love eachother and have for years… today when we were in the grove, we almost mated… we wanted to.. but if none of you are gonna listen to reason right now then maybe this will change your minds…”

 You stood to your feet as Dean did the plan now fully in motion… the chains that bonded both of your hands fell to the floor. The crowd of people who obviously not listening to reason, had to witness this entire charade to ensure that no one ever questioned you guys judgement again…

 Dean: “you wanna be alpha i dont think so…” 

YN: “your the love of my life but the rite of alpha is my birthright…” 

Dean: “bring it on babe!” 

You lunged straight at him knocking him on his ass before you could fully vault over him and land he grabbed hold of your foot and swung you to the ground, you flipped over and for the next little bit it was counting the lightning strikes… 

One strike was when you became the pinner again… strike 2 was deans dominance, strike 3 was you then when strike 4 hit, dean had you pinned he switched positions so you were on your knees and he was standing… 

 Hjs hands turned to claws, his teeth to fangs his voice deepen to the deepest you had heard it in the longest time… 

Dean: “at last i am gonna be the only alpha in this god damn fucking pack…” 

Dean pulled your head to the side exposing your neck as he was about to intact the final part of the plan… but the council members watched this play out and had a few things of their own to say… 

Council member 1: “no…” 

Council member 2: “is he gonna do it?”

 Council leader: “guards get down there and stop them…before he claims her…” 

The guards got down there but it was too late for as soon as they entered, dean sunk his fangs into your neck and claimed you… the entire council was shocked, the leader was angry, the people who had raised both of you were shocked but happy for the 2 of you… 

The guards backed away careful not to get too close for they all knew that once your claimed the one who claimed you would go wild trying to protect you… Dean pulls back as the 5th bolt strike…

 he lets out a huge earth shattering roar… this made every single omega and beta in the entire arena submitted, your body became putty in Deans arms… you were conscious but you knew who your mate was.. 

 Dean shifted back to normal, scooped you into his arms and walked both of you out of the arena and into the medical area… laying you  a bed he goes to get the first aid kit. He comes back to sit behind you to patch you up… 

 Dean: “well rhe plan worked… or so it seems…” 

YN: “i feel strange my body is reacting to your touch more than it did before…" 

Dean: “I love you YN! Now shall we go walk through the streets back to search of a place that we may soon call our own…” 

You stretch slightly still feeling strange you nod getting up back on your feet. Dean held your hand, both of you walked out of the medical area, feeling the eyes of many upon your forms. 

 The council blocked the exit from the arena… you both were not sure what to do, but if they followed the laws no one could be able to hurt either of them… 

Council leader: “you both violated the event, the sacred rite set out in the laws of our forefathers, we are ashamed but since you both want to defy the laws i guess we have no choice… either you guys send yourselves into exile or by the laws of the forefathers and marry then consummate the marriage, it would be by that act of marriage that you both would not be shunned by the entire pack… the choice is yours but your families have wanted to see you both for a little bit now… go to them and make known of your decisions to us soon…” 

Dean and you stood tall and watched the guards and council members move away from the door allowing you both to exit. You both then head to find your families. Knowing that soon your decisions would come into the light…

your mom: “we are all on the same page about what happened at the arena, but we want you both to know that whatever decision you both…”

Dean: “we love eachother very much and i think i speak for both of us when i say that we just want to make a life together for ourselves, we only did what we did during the rite cause we thought the council would see reason…”

his mom: “we know that i know you both will be very happy together… we also have something that we hope will help… we recently purchased some land close by, there is a structure on the land, the deed is in your names. Your father's are already moving in some of your stuff, and they are just finishing the glossing on the bed frame, they also got a mattress and built a bunch more furniture its the perfect place combining what the both of you are. we are all very proud of the wonderful people you both have become and really proud of how you both stood up to the council. they are steamed but once they learn of your decision things will get easier i promise...”

You hold tight to Deans hands and smile slightly as you begin to speak...

YN: “mom and mom in law if i can call you that. can we level with you slightly? we want to get used to being bonded then decide for sure what we want to do... but we know one thing for sure we will not abandon the pack...”

Dean: “YN is the best part of me as i am of her... what she has said is as it shall be.. i assume that the council grilled you guys for information after the entire ordeal... look we know that we put you guys in quite the pickle... but right now we need you guys to not tell the council any of what we have spoken... we will head out now as dads have returned, im sure you both can have them understand why we didnt stay...”

Dean winks at your moms as they nod watching you and Dean get up from your seating and walking out the back door. the most difficult part of growing up is knowing when to leave home and start a new life with someone you love.

this is exactly what you and Dean were doing... this is exactly what was happening. as you and dean followed your moms carefully laid out instructions it led you both straight to the house that your parents had put so much work into...

Dean: “the outside structure is amazing! i can see what they mean by it is a unique combination of both of us... now after you my dear...”

the last concious thought of both your minds was walking through the door of the house, everything after that was a blurr... neither of you would remember till mornings light... but thats a story for another time...

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[legion1993]

Rebellion

title: Rebellion

Pairing: dean x reader

abo 2020 sq: alpha challenging alpha

fluff 2020 sq: thunderstorm

word count (optional):

summery: not telling

created for @spnabobingo​ @spnfluffbingo​

abo 2019 masterlist     fluff 2020 masterlist

normal… what was normal… what did you ever know about normal… you were an alpha, your pack already had an alpha one of you had to go… 

you and Dean had been friendly rivals from the get go, but when you presented as an alpha he didnt know what to think… 

you both had to grow into the roles, reach your 21st birthdays before the council of wolves would have you both fight for the rite of Alpha, where the looser would become an omega… no two alphas can co exist in one singular pack… 

you were one of those types of wolves whose breeding had not been thourally instilled… you had always been told that you would one day have to fight for the rite to lead the pack.

 to be the one that makes all the calls for every single decision that the pack needs to make. Dean and you were hanging out the night before this tragic event would take place…

 Dean: “when you presented as an alpha i was shocked… my friend was an alpha… the girl that i have a crush on is an alpha…”

 dean now realizing what he said was now looking at you with slight amounts of plotting anad seduction written clear cross his face. he didnt want this event to take place either… 

YN: “what if you claimed me? would they still make us battle for the alpha rite?” 

Dean: “i have no idea but why would you…” 

You now were kneeling in front of him, looking straight into his eyes as he smiled… 

YN: “cause im in love with you… i cant see myself being with any one else for the rest of my life… its you Dean its always been you…” 

Dean: “what makes you think they would be okay with any of that? i mean they always taught us to be fierce and reveered… but if we told them we were in love wouldnt that technically be grounds for execution…”

 YN: “i dont care i mean if you pin me and then wait for the 5th strike of thunder, i would technically be omega and then you just claim…. wait a second… what if you claimed me during the fight like we rebel… but this would have to be done between the 2nd and 5th lightning strikes…”

 Dean pulled you into his lap and smiled as he planted a soft and gentle kiss to your lips… the idea of rebellion during this most fantastic event would go down in history as the first alphas challenge to go through rebellion… 

 staying in that grove it was peaceful not to be around everyone else… the pack was getting a little annoying what with everyone getting stuff ready and betting on who woul win the event…

 quite frankly you and Dean were quite happy being together in that grove… that is till the sky darkened… when it darkened you both werent disturbed right away but then the council guard bursted through the clearing…

 they grbbed you and Dean seperating you both from eachother dragging you guys back to the arena where the event would soon take place… you and Dean fighting the guards began immediately trying to claw your way back to eachother… but they stuck you both in the cages beside one another leaving you both alone… 

YN: “dean…” 

Dean turned his attention to you and moved closer to your cage… 

Dean: “im so sorry about this YN… if we were smart we would have ran away from all of this… self exile type thing… we could have started a pack all our own and no one would have ben able to stop us…”

 Dean was now holding your hand as you were his through the cages you both plotted schemed and trying to make sure you were on the same wave length before the guards would come back and take you both into the arena and force this ceremony upon you both… 

YN: “as long as we stick to the plan we should be good.. the plan should work…” 

Dean: “YN, what if this rebellion thing doesnt work?”

 YN: “then you need to take the rite, become the alpha… knock me out and claim the alpha spot… you deserve it more than i do…” 

Dean: “i will ensure it doesnt come to that, if we stick to the plan we will reign forever together… i will claim and mate you during this shit show if i have too… just to prove a point…” 

You smiled blushing as you both continued to hold hands trying to stay calm that is till the guards actually came through the door… they once again pulled you both away from eachother…

 ~The hardest thing to do is to be forced to fight the one you know you are meant to be with…~ 

They dragged you both in electronic chains to the arena… they tossed you both into the opening and made their ways out of the arena… it began to thunder and rain, but you got up starring at Dean who could only stare at you with love reflecting in both of your eyes… 

Dean: “we wont do it…” 

YN: “we wont participate in your sick games…”

 Dean: “this council is blinded by the traditions of old.. if they took one moment if any of you took a good look at my relationship with YN anyone would see that we love eachother and have for years… today when we were in the grove, we almost mated… we wanted to.. but if none of you are gonna listen to reason right now then maybe this will change your minds…”

 You stood to your feet as Dean did the plan now fully in motion… the chains that bonded both of your hands fell to the floor. The crowd of people who obviously not listening to reason, had to witness this entire charade to ensure that no one ever questioned you guys judgement again…

 Dean: “you wanna be alpha i dont think so…” 

YN: “your the love of my life but the rite of alpha is my birthright…” 

Dean: “bring it on babe!” 

You lunged straight at him knocking him on his ass before you could fully vault over him and land he grabbed hold of your foot and swung you to the ground, you flipped over and for the next little bit it was counting the lightning strikes… 

One strike was when you became the pinner again… strike 2 was deans dominance, strike 3 was you then when strike 4 hit, dean had you pinned he switched positions so you were on your knees and he was standing… 

 Hjs hands turned to claws, his teeth to fangs his voice deepen to the deepest you had heard it in the longest time… 

Dean: “at last i am gonna be the only alpha in this god damn fucking pack…” 

Dean pulled your head to the side exposing your neck as he was about to intact the final part of the plan… but the council members watched this play out and had a few things of their own to say… 

Council member 1: “no…” 

Council member 2: “is he gonna do it?”

 Council leader: “guards get down there and stop them…before he claims her…” 

The guards got down there but it was too late for as soon as they entered, dean sunk his fangs into your neck and claimed you… the entire council was shocked, the leader was angry, the people who had raised both of you were shocked but happy for the 2 of you… 

The guards backed away careful not to get too close for they all knew that once your claimed the one who claimed you would go wild trying to protect you… Dean pulls back as the 5th bolt strike…

 he lets out a huge earth shattering roar… this made every single omega and beta in the entire arena submitted, your body became putty in Deans arms… you were conscious but you knew who your mate was.. 

 Dean shifted back to normal, scooped you into his arms and walked both of you out of the arena and into the medical area… laying you  a bed he goes to get the first aid kit. He comes back to sit behind you to patch you up… 

 Dean: “well rhe plan worked… or so it seems…” 

YN: “i feel strange my body is reacting to your touch more than it did before…" 

Dean: “I love you YN! Now shall we go walk through the streets back to search of a place that we may soon call our own…” 

You stretch slightly still feeling strange you nod getting up back on your feet. Dean held your hand, both of you walked out of the medical area, feeling the eyes of many upon your forms. 

 The council blocked the exit from the arena… you both were not sure what to do, but if they followed the laws no one could be able to hurt either of them… 

Council leader: “you both violated the event, the sacred rite set out in the laws of our forefathers, we are ashamed but since you both want to defy the laws i guess we have no choice… either you guys send yourselves into exile or by the laws of the forefathers and marry then consummate the marriage, it would be by that act of marriage that you both would not be shunned by the entire pack… the choice is yours but your families have wanted to see you both for a little bit now… go to them and make known of your decisions to us soon…” 

Dean and you stood tall and watched the guards and council members move away from the door allowing you both to exit. You both then head to find your families. Knowing that soon your decisions would come into the light…

your mom: “we are all on the same page about what happened at the arena, but we want you both to know that whatever decision you both…”

Dean: “we love eachother very much and i think i speak for both of us when i say that we just want to make a life together for ourselves, we only did what we did during the rite cause we thought the council would see reason…”

his mom: “we know that i know you both will be very happy together… we also have something that we hope will help… we recently purchased some land close by, there is a structure on the land, the deed is in your names. Your father's are already moving in some of your stuff, and they are just finishing the glossing on the bed frame, they also got a mattress and built a bunch more furniture its the perfect place combining what the both of you are. we are all very proud of the wonderful people you both have become and really proud of how you both stood up to the council. they are steamed but once they learn of your decision things will get easier i promise...”

You hold tight to Deans hands and smile slightly as you begin to speak...

YN: “mom and mom in law if i can call you that. can we level with you slightly? we want to get used to being bonded then decide for sure what we want to do... but we know one thing for sure we will not abandon the pack...”

Dean: “YN is the best part of me as i am of her... what she has said is as it shall be.. i assume that the council grilled you guys for information after the entire ordeal... look we know that we put you guys in quite the pickle... but right now we need you guys to not tell the council any of what we have spoken... we will head out now as dads have returned, im sure you both can have them understand why we didnt stay...”

Dean winks at your moms as they nod watching you and Dean get up from your seating and walking out the back door. the most difficult part of growing up is knowing when to leave home and start a new life with someone you love.

this is exactly what you and Dean were doing... this is exactly what was happening. as you and dean followed your moms carefully laid out instructions it led you both straight to the house that your parents had put so much work into...

Dean: “the outside structure is amazing! i can see what they mean by it is a unique combination of both of us... now after you my dear...”

the last concious thought of both your minds was walking through the door of the house, everything after that was a blurr... neither of you would remember till mornings light... but thats a story for another time...

[jikooksgirl]

happy birthday to the love of my life🐣💘

to my forever true love, mi angelito de amor, my moon, sun, stars and constellations: 

im really the worst w words specially bc im just so in love w you i feel like my heart is gonna burst and i really cant organize my feelings, i’ve been so excited for his bday but now i can’t even think properly and words are just!!!! not enough they dont even come close not even a bit to what i want to express bc what i feel for you is beyond imagination and beyond any explanation this love is truly out of this world i never imagined i could feel something this strong but as always you’re surprising me making me feel every single feeling existing and not existing at once w just a little giggle you can make my world go crazy!!!! i fall in love w you over and over again like the first time every single second of my life. 

it’s already the 2nd bday i spend by your side and i couldn’t be happier, i still can’t believe how you completely changed my life and changed myself, i totally could separate my life in two periods: when i wasn’t in love w you and when i fell in love w park jimin. loving you has become the most natural thing in the world i literally look forward to every single day bc i get to love you and support you another day, you’re my home you’re the place i always come back to and where i feel safe, loved, appreciated, where i feel like nothing’s wrong, where my happiness is. i’ve been going through a lot, i’ve been feeling lonely and scared most of the time and by living so far away from my family im not even sure of what’s home anymore but just by thinking about your smile i just feel??? so so safe?? so welcomed?? it’s like every time i think about you smiling i feel like you’re hugging me and telling me everything is gonna be ok and i realized that’s truly home. it doesn’t have to be physical, it’s just the place where i feel the most safe and loved in the entire world, and that place is by your side. i cant even remember what was not loving you what was not being completely and absolutely in love w you and i dont want to bc you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, my most beautiful blessing and treasure and i just cant believe how was i even able to breathe without having you by my side.

i love everything about you, there’s really nothing about you i don’t love w every inch of my being, from your small angel dimple that is there bc the moon came and kissed you so many times and loved you so much that she decided to leave a cute crater on your cheek to remind you you’re her moonchild, to how big and beautiful your heart of gold is!!! you’re the one that teaches me 3849325235829 king of feelings i didn’t even know they existed, the one that made me believe in love again the one that broke my heart’s shell and showed me what true, pure and wholesome love feels like. you’re the one that makes me a better person, and inspires me to be the best version of myself. all i want to do is to learn to love you better, to deserve all the happiness you give me every single day of my life and every single action of yours is such an inspiration for me my love, you softened my heart you made me a kinder, more loving, more gentle person w every single thing you did you truly changed me and saved me and i’ll be forever thankful for that. 

i’m just incredibly and unbelievably proud of who you are, of how much you’ve grown and of who you aspire to be. you’re always working so hard, so incredibly hard i can’t help but worry about you but i know how passionate and how dedicated you are, and that’s one of the things i admire the most and i aspire to be like that one day too. you’re just so so talented, every single time you amaze me more and more. your voice is really the most beautiful voice ive ever heard and im not exaggerating, i can see how hard you’ve worked bc you’re always aiming perfection and even tho you think you’re still lacking when it comes to vocals, god jimin every time i hear your voice…wow. wow wow wow wo wow wo wowwwwww it has such an effect such a power over me, i feel such a beautiful and calming peace filling my body and i feel like im floating and flying in the sky, your voice is truly gifted by angels and you change so many lives just by singing my love and you don’t even realize it. 

you’re the human being w the biggest heart of gold i’ve ever seen, always caring so much about your loved ones, always giving all of your support, your love, your kindness, your gentleness, it just amazes me how much you’re always willing to give bc of love, and i hope one day i can be like that. but you’ve showed me that ppl gets happier if someone tells them they love them, if someone compliments them, that it’s not bad to expose your feelings for the ppl you love, that kindness is key, and you just make me want to do better in every single aspect of my life. honestly, if the person you love inspiring you to be the best version of yourself isn’t what true and pure love is, idk what it is. you’ve showed me that if i work really hard to achieve my dreams, if i truly want them and dedicate myself to achieve them, i can make them come true w my effort. you really are the most beautiful thing in this world my baby angel, you make so many ppl feel loved, feel safe, feel cared about, you’re always giving so much and sometimes i feel like i dont deserve all of this love you give me, but im so thankful for it. 

i just want you to be always surrounded by love and happiness, to be always healthy and to never doubt about the light in your heart, about how talented you are and about how precious, how loved, how incredibly important you are in this world. you’re irreplaceable jimin, you’re truly one in a million and i cant believe im this lucky to be able to love you and to see you growing up more. thank you for saving me, thank you for being my light when everything is dark, thank you for being my strength when i think i cant anymore, thank you for being the one, the one my heart wants to love forever and the one that shows me that the world isn’t that bad, that there’s still a reason to keep going, i dont know what would have been of me if i hadn’t ever found you. i never thought i could love someone i dont know irl this much, to the point of saying you’re the love of my life. i didn’t even know i was able to love this strongly, this wholesomely, this purely and intensely. it seems ridiculous right? but this is truly how i feel.

i feel like since i saw that gif of you smiling, my heart saw you and said “there he is, the one im gonna love for the rest of my life. my true forever love” and she was so revealed, bc she finally found you, she finally was at home. she wants to thank you for your smiles, bc oh your smile…SHE GETS ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every time you smile that could outshine the brightest stars, every time your soft cheeks puff up and blush and your chocolate eyes crinkle up and disappear like crescent moons, when you’re laughing so hard your laugh squeaks and its the most beautiful sound in the entire world, how you hide your face w your baby hands when you’re shy, god everything about you mi amor, everything makes my heart go completely insane!!!! she started beating differently since i met you, there’s constant galaxies and constellations exploding inside her and flowers blooming in her bc of being in love w you. i swear i could look into your eyes until the sun comes up listen to your voice until all the music existing in the world played on a non-stop loop and feel the touch of your skin until all the oceans in the world ran dry and i would still not get enough of you!!!! there’s never too much when it comes to you!!!

i really could write a whole novel about how much i love you gdsogngksnkjndsh IM JUST SO SO SO SO SO SO SO IN LOVE W YOU AND I CANT STOP CRYING BC MY HEART IS ABOUT TO BURST. i just hope you’ll have the best birthday of your life, 100000 times better than the last one but not better than the next one!!! i just hope you have the happiest bday every single year and every time it gets better and better. i hope you receive lots of love, kind words, love letters, compliments, kisses, gifts, hugs nd you smile so hard and be so happy that your stomach hurts and you feel like your heart is gonna explode bc all of the love!!!! i just want you!!!! to be the happiest birthday boy in the world to not worry about anything else than your happiness today and to realize once again how loved you are and how incredibly important you are for so many ppl around you. i hope the members will spoil you a lot and will make you have such an amazing and fun time, i can trust them on that bc i know you mean so much to them. you mean the entire world to me mi angelito de amor, you mean everything and more i have never felt  a love like this and i NEVER want it to go away!!!! i want to keep learning to love you better i wanna feel this forever, i wanna stay by your side forever. i’d do anything for you i’d do anything to see your lovely soft smile and hear your cute giggles today i’d grab every single star in the sky i’d do anything to make you feel safe, special and loved!!!! i just wish that on the days you can’t love yourself and you feel like you aren’t enough and you hate yourself, my love would be enough for the both of us i really wish everything you knew was happiness and love!!! i hope everything you dream of, everything you wish of, will become real. i dream of seeing you succeed in every single one of your passions, and i can’t wait to keep supporting you on your way there. 

i’m just so glad you’re getting more confident these past days, and i hope you will be even more and more w the time, i hope you realize you can do everything, bc w a heart and talent like yours my prince, i firmly believe you’re able to do anything. you’re so brave baby, so brave and capable of everything, you’ve worked so so so hard and you’ve done so much to be the person you’re today. the future has so many more amazing things prepared for you, i believe that you will become so much bigger, so so big and appreciated and you will finally be content w your achievements. i will never stop telling you how proud i am of you, of your achievements, of who you are, of everything you do. i’ll keep supporting you, i’ll keep rooting for you, and we’ll keep going together side by side until we achieve everything we want. bc i also firmly believe, that if i have you in my life, i can do anything. 

thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so much for being in my life, thank you thank you thank you i could thank you an infinite amount of times but it would never be enough!!!!!! i just have so many things to tell you, so many feelings im trying to express but words aren’t enough i just wished i could give you the biggest hug and fill your cheeks and whole face w all the kisses in the world i just LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH MY LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN!!!!! thank you so so so so much for saving me, for encouraging me to keep going and to be strong, thank you for keep saving me every single time thank you for being so endearing, so luminous, so enchanting, so radiant and lighting up my world more than any star in the sky!!! you’re truly like a dream, the most beautiful dream i’ve ever had and i never want to wake up. loving you is truly the best thing i’ve chosen to do, i’m just the luckiest person ever, the odds were for once in my favor bc i could find you. i just want to spend the rest of my life telling you how beautiful, precious and important you are!! i just want to hang stars and moons each night like love letters above your bed to remind you of how much i love you!!! because i love you more than words could ever explain, and im always going to be here loving every piece of you w everything. 

thank you for making me fall in love w you all over again every single day, thank you for making my world so much beautiful, thank you for making me the happiest person in the world, i sincerely thank the sky for your life, you truly changed mine for the better and now i can say im genuinely happy after all this time bc of you. felices 22 años mi amor, te amo más que a nada en este mundo!!!!!!!!!!!

forever yours, 

- lina🌹

[askullandbones]

Hi, thx so much... ugh, where do I start? I hope this doesnt seem too open or anything. Basically, Ive been having some problems with my best friend. Were both in 2nd-year uni and we go to school in diff cities. Weve been close since we started high school. And I love her, and shes usually my goto person to talk to or shoulder to cry on. But the thing is, shes much more social and Im not. She was my only friend in high school and while shes still closest with me she had others. (1/?)

Now in uni she still has tons of friends and I haven't really been able to make any. We havent rlly drifted apart but our convos are mostly limited to FB texts. Shes now rooming with another friend & I just have this crippling fear of being replaced. Bc it would be so much easier for her. And sometimes she does things that are sort of weird. I feel like im always shifting plans to suit her needs. She doesnt respond to half of what I text her. (2/3) (3 is the limit I promise, so sorry!)

Ive also begun a big Undertale fic and Im super excited about it, but even tho I've started posting it she doesnt seem to want to read it, she said she might someitme "if she has time" & "if shes bored." Which hurts. I tried to talk to her abt all this stuff last year, but she seems to have... forgotten. & I feel so bad & dont know how to deal with it, much as i ❤ her i dont always like the way she treats me. Its so hard to tell the line b/w actual worry and bein whiny. (3/4 sorry!!!!)

I know she has her own stuff going on and I try to be there for her but its so hard. Parts of me have stopped caring about her stuff as much as I should which I KNOW is awful of me as a friend, like when she told me the girl she loved didnt love her back, stuff like that, and I just dont know what to do. My loneliness has gone into hyperdrive basically, and its very confusing. Am I just being self pitying? Any advice would mean so so much to me. (4/4 I am SO SORRY for spamming you with this)

Wow this got long. Gonna put it under a cut.

Hey. Hey? First, deep breath. This might seem like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Trust me.

When you reach this point in your life your whole social dynamic is going to shift into what I’ll call ‘adult friends’. When you went to school it was super easy to make friends (or easier than it is now), because you were put in a small group of people your age and you were basically forced to interact. You might still have some of that in college, but it’s much less forced. The things that held you together with your peers isn’t really guaranteed as much to be there anymore.

First thing you need to tell yourself is that friends typically don’t get ‘replaced’ when you’re older. At least, not if you’ve stopped acting like a kid. Most of the time the friends you had in highschool are just gonna... drift apart. It happens all the time and it’s natural.

And while I can’t relate, I know a lot of people just have a large circle of friends they talk to about various things. Each friend has a different appeal. It’s not so much ‘replacing’ as it is ‘adding’.

Now I won’t speak for your friend, but from what you do mention about her not being flexible and not responding to texts, it could be a whole host of things. Maybe her schedule is just super rigid. Maybe she just forgets to respond to your texts, especially if she’s got about five different other people she’s talking to. Maybe she has nothing to say. Unfortunately these are things you’re probably going to have to talk to her about if they’re bothering you. Friendships thrive on communication.

As for her not getting into your fic... it might hurt? But try not to let it bother you.

When I was getting into Undertale and back on the writing bus I did the same thing with a friend of mine. While she’s always been supportive, she never really wanted to read it even if I asked what she thought, and after awhile I realized it just wasn’t something I could really engage with her back and forth with. She just didn’t know what to ask, didn’t really want to read a subject she knew very little about.

It hurt a little at first, but then I just realized she didn’t have the same interest in it as I did. I just sorta pushed it to the side when it came to talking to her even though it was such a big thing in my life. Instead of saying “I’m working on this Undertale fic omg you wouldn’t believe what--” I’d change how I worded what I wanted to say to be a little less restrictive. Instead I would say “I’m working on some writing and these characters are being--”

See the difference? The second is much more inclusive to someone who has no idea what the fuck Undertale is. They can still engage. I can’t force her to enjoy something I do just like she can’t force me to enjoy something she does.

And no, you are not being self-pitying. You’re worried about a friendship you cherish. You’re worried about how your friend treats you. You’re worried that things are coming between the two of you. You care enough about this friend that you don’t want to lose them, but that also means you’re going to have to work on it. You’re gonna have some awkward, intense moments coming up even if they’re scary.

You gotta be brave.

What you need to do is think. Think about your friendship. You mentioned that you think she treats you bad sometimes. Make a list of the things she does that make you feel bad. Can’t come up with an answer as to why she might do these things? Ask her. Bring it up. It’s scary, but if she values your friendship she’ll listen and you two can work things out.

But friendship is a two-way street. There are ways you can improve too. Find interests you share. Try not to feel bad when she doesn’t like the same things anymore, you’re both starting to grow up and get different interests.

Set boundaries and stick to them. You say you’re always shifting your plans and not the other way around. Stop. Put your foot down. Say no, you can’t shift these around. Don’t bend to her whims all the time. Set a hard line. She will work with you and bend her own plans too if your friendship is valued.

Most importantly though, as scary as it is, don’t be afraid that you two might just be drifting apart. A lot of friendships end after highschool and most of them aren’t because of fights. They’re just... from drifting apart. It might seem like you won’t find more friends, but you will.

I’ve been friends with the same girl since I was a teenager. She lives in Canada. I love her so, so much. When I got a divorce and she started college again we kinda just... didn’t talk much. We used to talk every single day but we didn’t anymore and that bothered the fuck out of me. I thought we were drifting apart, and in a way we kinda have.

She has a boyfriend she plays games with a lot, games that I don’t enjoy. I like to roleplay and write and play games that she doesn’t enjoy. She’s busy as fuck and I’m absolutely incompetent at conversations half the time. We don’t have all the same interests anymore and sometimes we go a full week without saying a word to each other, and we both realize things have changed a bit, but it hasn’t changed how we feel about one another. We still love each other a lot.

College is when you’re going to start to realize that, maybe, a lot of your friends you make are gonna be online. Chatrooms. Games. Writing. Roleplaying. They’re gonna scatter the globe. I have friends from Canada to the states to Indonesia and Germany. I visit the friends within an hour of me maybe... once or twice a month. That’s fine with me. It doesn’t bother me much. I talk to one friend I had in highschool maybe... once every... three months? I don’t hate them, I just don’t have much in common with them anymore. It happens.

But I should wrap this up.

Breathe. Take a nice, deep breathe. This isn’t the end of the world even if it’s scary and you wish you didn’t have to deal with it. You’ll survive even if the outcome is the worst thing you can imagine.

Friendships change over time.

Communicate your feelings.

Evaluate your own role in the relationship and if you need to make some changes too.

Set hard boundaries.

If you need more advice, I’m here.