#im scared for MYSELF

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 16)

Hey guys. What's up? Long time no post.

Last time, we began one of the most exciting arcs in the manga, the Hanahime Den Arc (aka the New Year's Arc, aka the Discovering Natsume Arc, aka the Flower Garden Association Party Arc, aka That One Arc With Aoi In It, aka the Natsume/Ruka Backstory Arc... Really whatever you wanna call it). Today we'll continue exploring that arc, particularly one incredibly important theme that means the world to me regarding Mikan's very sweet feelings for Natsume.

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Chapter Fifty-Six

The kids dress up. Hotaru and Mikan are wearing very feminine kimonos for the event. Ruka is relieved that his and Natsume’s kimonos aren’t furisode, but they are both still self-conscious. (I wish I could comment more on this in a specific way, but I’m not versed in Japanese traditional wear to the point where I can say what looks more masculine and feminine. I am very western in this way. Serbian folk costume is more or less: dress=feminine, pants=masculine. I’m learning more and more but for now, whenever I see these chapters, I just think, “Wow, these clothes are so pretty!!” and that’s about it. Anyway I loVE folk costume. I’m obsessed with all cultures’ folk costumes.) 

In any case, Mikan is quick to comment on how good they look, specifically commenting that Natsume doesn’t look as much like a drag queen as she’d expected (ahh… 2000s humor. RIP). This is "supposed to be a compliment," but he doesn’t take it as one. Mikan gets angry that she got him angry and swears that she’ll let his hand go as soon as they get to the party. That page alone has some intriguing panels. There’s one of angry Natsume, one of angry Mikan, and one of them snuggling! Bizarre! I like to think that this means Mikan is still thinking about it. She may be angry, but she’s still fixated on that moment, perhaps still concerned about his cryptic words. How sweet.

But she won't let go of his hand now, of course. Just later.

Narumi escorts them to the party, warning them not to do anything rude because the MSP is capricious. Even the smallest slight could offend her. This is as much a warning to us as it is to the kids. We will see MSP’s capriciousness soon for ourselves. In fact, the next page features the MSP mourning the fact that boys will be allowed in her palace against her wishes, only for her flower princesses to offer to create a fun diversion for her. Mikan isn’t present for that scene, but it’s important because we can see that the MSP is indeed so capricious that Mikan was destined to be bullied and mistreated before she’d even arrived in time to do anything offensive.

They arrive at the palace and it truly is a palace, much bigger than the middle school building and dorms combined. Mikan is awestruck by everything she sees, by Yamanouchi Shizune’s impressive appearance, the huge building, the party full of incredible decorations--she’s definitely the most visibly impressed. 

I think it’s important that Mikan is not just the most childish character in the manga, but a “tactless hick” as well. Mikan grew up in the country, lived in a tiny village and went to a small school. There were no huge buildings or extravagant parties, nothing impressive for the culture fests. Mikan is easily impressed, not just by the fantastical alice elements of this new world (like we are too), but by everything new. It’s not just the alice world that’s new to her; everything is. Furthermore, she refuses to be quiet about her amazement. Whenever she likes something, she says it out loud and proud. No, she’s not the most polite girl, but she is so positive and upbeat. Mikan is not just our Alice in Wonderland, a character through whom the reader discovers a new world. She’s a character in her own right.

The group has to pass the middle school girls’ party on the ground floor before ascending to the Hanahime Party upstairs. As they move, they overhear a lot of gossip. All of them get a little annoyed having to listen to it, but the gossip thrown at Mikan is perhaps the worst, and a precursor to the way she’ll be treated by the flower princesses upstairs: she’s just an ordinary girl, plain and boring and unimpressive--so how on earth did she get invited??

They ALL get somehow targeted by these whisperings... so rude. Though I doubt Hotaru is very offended by a reputation of being "beautiful but strange."

I like Mikan being unimpressive on the outside because it’s honestly exhausting to see every single female protagonist in media being gorgeous and brilliant in every way, an independent and beautiful trailblazer! GA already has characters like that, who are beautiful or smart or both. Mikan doesn’t have to be smart or pretty to be important. The boys who like her are interested in her because of her kindness and excitable nature, not because of her beauty or intelligence. So this occasional outside commentary on Mikan being ordinary makes me happy. They assume that because she’s not gorgeous or academically impressive like Hotaru that there’s no reason why she should stand out. And yes, it’s true that Mikan was not invited because the MSP was impressed by her. No, she was invited because Natsume is impressed by her, because her invitation was a way to lure him in. She is important, even if it’s not in a way that’s instantly valued by the gossipy middle school girls at the party.

The gossip almost gets to her, but seeing Nobara in the crowd cheers her up. Mikan has met Nobara only three times so far. They spent a few hours together at the Christmas Prep, I assume, and that sort of time can get people close, but it’s still impressive that they have such a close bond after so few meetings. And even though Nobara seems obsessed with Mikan, it’s important to note that Mikan always seems just as excited to see her. She loves giving and receiving affection, so even though Nobara's obsession might seem bizarre to anyone else, Mikan welcomes the attention and never judges her for it. But Natsume yanks her back before they can rush to each other.

Nobara is horrified that Natsume is there, demanding to know why Natsume is here at all and then telling Mikan that he shouldn’t be here, that she should stop him. The whole hand-holding thing has been weird to Mikan from the start, but she just assumed he was up to some stupid sadistic trick. His weird comment about the ruse ending soon was a red flag that something else might be going on, but because Natsume never explains anything, she couldn’t really come to any new conclusions. Nobara’s warning here is just another alarm that something about Natsume’s behavior isn’t just annoying--it’s concerning. Nobara is genuinely frightened for Natsume and that comes across in her warning to Mikan, even if Mikan can’t linger to chat about it.

Mikan dragged Natsume around earlier without him complaining so I guess it's only fair he'd drag her around now.

Thus Mikan will keep Nobara’s warning in mind. No matter how quickly she seems to recover from serious or concerning topics, Mikan always remembers them. Nobara’s warning is important in another way too, because Misaki overheard her and made sure to relay the information to Tsubasa.

They finally arrive at the exclusive party to meet the Hanahime girls. Himemiya is beautiful. Mikan is always overwhelmed when around beautiful people, but she doesn’t forget Narumi’s warning, and her awe is staved off a bit by Himemiya’s bizarre behavior around Hotaru. She can be serious too! She doesn’t always get carried away. (Relatively…)

Chapter Fifty-Seven

Conveniently (or inconveniently, if you asked Himemiya), the Ruka mochi gang instantly separate upon entering the party. Perhaps the “ruse” of Natsume’s has reached its end, because he rips his hand away. Mikan rejoices at her freedom, but it’s short-lived.

Because she is singled out pretty instantly.

All of the flower princesses have pretty flower names. Hotaru is given one straight-away on account of being a candidate to become one of them. But the rest of the group get names too--Natsume and Ruka seem to be easily adopted by the flower princesses. It’s just Mikan and Youichi who are left out. 

I talked about the reasons why with Natsume’s essay but I’ll recap here. Himemiya is angry to have disgusting boys in her palace (she’s one of those... gross :P), and the flower princesses are trying to comfort her by entertaining her. This entertainment comes in the form of vicious bullying, something Himemiya doesn’t only tolerate--she encourages. (Himemiya is not "one of the good guys" in the way the HSP could be categorized as, even though she isn't necessarily "one of the bad guys" like the ESP.) There’s four candidates for bullying. Hotaru is obviously out of the question because she’s a potential flower princess herself, a beautiful and intelligent girl worthy of Himemiya’s attention and chosen as a candidate authentically, not because of outside pressures. That leaves the others, unfortunate cargo in Persona’s plan. I don’t think the flower princesses are privy to all the details in the plan, but the boys have obviously been permitted to come for a reason. Besides, they’re both very handsome, so the princesses don’t feel the desire to be cruel to them. Then there’s plain and ordinary Mikan, who didn’t deserve the invitation in the first place. What has she done to earn Himemiya’s attention? Nothing, really. She’s neither pretty nor intelligent, so the princesses write her off. She will be the one bullied by the princesses to entertain Himemiya. 

Youichi is collateral, but definitely not singled out the way Mikan is.

No, I'm not really a big fan of Himemiya. I don't really get how letting teenagers bully a little girl is "entertainment." Maybe that's just me.

They proceed to the banquet, where a feast awaits them. Mikan mentions that she hadn’t had any breakfast because she expected to eat a lot at the party. But she doesn’t really get to eat anything here either, because the princesses move all the food to the other guests, conveniently leaving Mikan with nothing to eat. The bullying isn’t actually subtle, though the princesses put on airs about it. They move the food in order to serve the others, which alarms Mikan, but it’s strange to think that the others didn’t pick up on it. 

When Mikan’s starvation is pointed out, it’s not because the princesses have noticed they’d made a mistake, it’s only to further bully her. If she’s not eating, it must be because her stomach hurts, so she should have some disgusting medicine.

The thing is that Mikan is still heeding Narumi’s advice. She’s trying to be on her best behavior, like he told her to be. We know that Mikan isn’t the type to let herself be bullied. She stands up for herself. She fights back. But fighting back here wouldn’t be in good form. She might just get further bullied. Additionally, she’s obviously not a princess candidate, but Hotaru is. If she acts out, it might reflect poorly on her best friend, potentially even robbing her of an opportunity she certainly deserves. So if you were wondering why Mikan doesn’t fight back or argue with these girls (when she's been bullied by far more threatening figures and never tolerated it), it’s because of that.

She’s pressured into drinking the medicine, meaning she won’t be able to eat for a while. She’s already hungry, now destined to get even hungrier, and she’s just consumed a foul “medicine.” If Nadeshiko’s comment is to be taken seriously, then the concoction is made of some truly sickening things, like frogs’ eyeballs and centipede legs. The medicine doesn’t cure sickness, it creates it. It also smells awful, so her friends don’t want to be around her, not even Youichi, who is also being left out a little (though not at all to the same extent). 

Next, they start playing some games, where the loser has to pay some penalty for losing. The thing is, Mikan stinks so she has to play further away and thus never stood a chance of winning. In no time at all, Mikan is defeated. She’s on her very best behavior but is being bullied anyway. Her face has been doodled on, she’s been made a fool of, she’s hungry and sick and smelly. Nobody is standing up for her. Everyone else seems to be having a much better time than her. 

It sure would be nice if someone were to... I don't know... actually call out the flower princesses for their behavior. Whatever.

Hotaru comes by with a wet towel, sure, but she’s decked out with an insulting gas mask and doesn’t stick around long. It’s obvious that her friends can see that she’s being mistreated, but they don’t do much to stand up for her. When the flower princesses brush aside the idea of inviting Mikan to play the next game, only Natsume stands up to leave. The others are obviously put off by it, but they don’t do much (that Mikan can see). 

Hotaru gets back at Nadeshiko (the main bully) through a prototype of a game, but the thing is that this tactic focuses more on humiliating Nadeshiko than helping Mikan. Nadeshiko is 1. touched that Hotaru chose her to play with, even if it makes a fool out of her, and 2. just toyed with a little. Meanwhile, Mikan watches from a distance and only sees everyone having fun without her. Teasing Nadeshiko doesn’t really help Mikan at all, and it certainly doesn’t stop Nadeshiko or the other flower princesses from bullying her even more. I'm pointing this out because this is Mikan's essay, so only her POV is relevant to me.

Mikan watches sadly, hungry and sick. She feels lonely, miles away from her friends, the only one who’s having a bad time. She misses her other friends, her senpais and her classmates. She wants to go home. Even though she’d been so excited to come here, it’s actually a terrible experience.

And then somebody puts a mandarin shaped chestnut kinton on her head. Natsume tells her to eat up. The orange shape is perfect for someone like her. Natsume is the only person who actually comforts and helps Mikan with her bullying. He sits beside her. He may downplay why he’s there, but he’s obviously here because he was concerned about her. He came to feed her because her stomach was growling. She reminds him that she smells, that everyone’s avoiding her. But Natsume tells her he’d rather be around her than smell the stupid perfumes of the Hanahime girls.

He chooses her. (And she will choose him.)

Hotaru’s tactic of getting back at Nadeshiko didn’t actually help Mikan feel better. But Natsume is making the choice to isolate himself with Mikan. They’re aligned now. Mikan and Natsume are outside of the system of fancy perfumes and shallow performances. She may have been excluded by force, but he makes it clear that he’d rather be left out with her than included with them. She’s more important than they are. Sure, they might bicker a little, but both Natsume and Mikan actually enjoy that and find it comforting, normal. 

And we’ve finally reached my favorite aspect of the NatsuMikan relationship. Yes, it’s been said a thousand times that Mikan is Natsume’s sunshine, that she brings light to his dark life, that she saved him and continues to save him. This is all true, but the more underappreciated side of it is that Natsume is Mikan’s sunshine too. 

Natsume is capable of making her sad and angry, yes. But he also has the tendency to make her forget all her problems. He makes her feel normal again, sparkly on the inside. She even says something to that extent here, commenting on how talking with Natsume always cheers her up. He “sees through” all her problems and then blows them away instantly. “He blew away my cloudy sky. Weird guy.”

He is her sunshine! My favorite part of their relationship!

Mikan is Natsume’s sun. Natsume is Mikan’s sun. They comfort each other, bring each other joy and solace, more than anybody else. 

It’s really awesome that Mikan makes Natsume happy. He has such a miserable life that he needs someone who can bring him joy. But there’s so much focus on his feelings that Mikan’s get overlooked. Despite how hard he tries to be unlikeable and to keep his distance, Mikan still cares about him. He still manages to make her happy, to cheer her up even when she’s being terribly bullied and excluded. 

He leaves to go to the bathroom, but she tells him to hurry back so they can eat together. 

Mikan has known Natsume for a few months now. She’s been very curious about him all along and has wanted to be his friend for a while. But he’s always so unpleasant and rude. Their relationship got to this point at a gradual pace. This is perhaps the first time that Mikan wants to hang out with him, alone, for as long as possible. Before, she felt uncomfortable even talking to him. She wanted to escape or find somebody else to talk to. Even just a few days ago, during the Christmas Ball, Natsume was the guy she settled for when she couldn’t find her other friends.

I really genuinely can't see how any other ship compares. In GA or otherwise. They will be always be number one to me. I just wish they'd gotten to eat together and chat a lil.

But now, she wants to hang out with Natsume. 

And Natsume specifically, because you already know how important that concept is to me. She's not settling this time, just because he's the only one willing to be around her right now. Instead, she's realized that being around him makes her happy, so why not eat together and hang out? They could be left out of the party together.

He brushes her off and insists she eat without him. 

Himemiya warns him though. If he wanders where he shouldn’t, he’ll be on his own to deal with the consequences.

The fourth red flag regarding Natsume’s presence here at the palace. Mikan is thoroughly worried about him now. She still doesn’t know why he even came here, but Nobara’s and Himemiya’s warnings as well as the cryptic way Natsume talked about the ruse all plant seeds of worry in her mind.

She’s distracted a little by the flower princesses’ phony apology. They pretend to feel bad and invite her to the kitchen to bring out the desserts, but there are no desserts. Mikan and Youichi are trapped in a dark room by themselves, locked up with nowhere to go.

Mikan is unworthy of her invitation. She should never have come here, as ordinary and unimpressive as she is. She is locked up now so she can think hard about how lowly she is compared to the others.

This is not Mikan’s first time being bullied, but there’s no way to get used to this sort of treatment. Mikan doesn’t actually think very highly of herself, and the frequent bullying she faces doesn’t really help. She doesn’t fully value her own alice, her appearance, her creativity, her great big heart or unwavering optimism. 

Mikan is alone with a toddler in a dark room. The only person who made her feel normal and happy all day is gone.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

The flower princesses accuse Mikan of cheating her way into getting invited. She demands to be released, but they leave her and Youichi on their own. She pleads for someone to figure it out.

She eventually runs out of energy. She feels especially guilty because Youichi was only locked in with her incidentally. Mikan is the one who is hated. Youichi just got punished because of bad luck. She apologizes to him, which seems to move him somehow. He offers to share some candy with her. It’s very sweet how their relationship has progressed. When she first met him, he refused to share his howalon with her, but now he’s offering his candy unprompted. 

But Mikan never gets to eat her candy because a mouse steals it. It’s for the best, though, because the candy was actually a Gulliver candy, and Youichi consequently aged ten years!

They’re eventually found by their friends, but only after Youchi kicks the door open for them. 

The flower princesses who bullied Mikan are to face punishment for their actions, potentially even being kicked out of the group. But Mikan tells them to forgive the girls, even despite the awful things she just went through. She said just a few minutes ago that she hated them, but I think that now that she’s out, she can see the situation more clearly.

Before, they couldn't see what could make Mikan special because she was neither gorgeous nor particularly intelligent. But now they love her because of how kind she is (though it might not be entirely kindness that motivates her here).

Natsume never sees the hype in this sort of thing. He thought this party was stupid and shallow, something they were both above. And then Youichi showed his kindness by offering his candy, even if it was Gulliver candy. The party that she’d wanted to go to so badly doesn’t really matter anymore. She doesn’t want to be a flower princess anymore. She has people who love her and want to spend time with her even if she might be "unworthy." They don't need her to prove herself, so how good could a group that does require a degree of "worthiness" be?

Additionally, Mikan is a kind, compassionate, and forgiving girl. The princesses did all this because they were protective of their group, because they love Himemiya. So she forgives them.

(Though I think just chalking all this behavior up to two girls being spoiled is letting Himemiya off a little easy. She was obviously entertained all along and will continue this arc acting in ways that benefit her own amusement more than any moral stance.)

And it’s only now, when the princesses can see past her average looks and unimpressive smarts to see what makes Mikan so amazing and special: her big heart. Now she is Mikan no Kimi! Yes, she’s only given a flower name after she stops caring about it. For a while now, she's been more interested in eating kinton with Natsume than getting a flower name.

But Shizune points out that even though Mikan surely didn’t cheat to get invited, it is suspicious that she was selected. Becoming Natsume’s partner, somehow, and now this--she must be special somehow. Mikan has been asked this and has wondered it itself since she first enrolled. She’s singled out and can’t tell Shizune why because not even she knows. Nobody tells her anything. 

And then Youichi reminds them all that Natsume is still missing. It’s only now that they get any semblance of an explanation for all this. Himemiya may be a freak, but allowing Natsume to attend was Persona’s doing. 

Another arc with emphasis on saving Natsume, who prefers to save others.

Persona, for some reason, is allowed free reign in much of Himemiya’s territory, particularly here where her barrier alice is strongest. What is certain is that if Natsume was lured here, then nothing good is waiting for him. 

Chapter Fifty-Nine

The flower princesses who bullied Mikan last chapter are now strangely protective of her after she forgave them. They insist that the group shouldn’t go after Natsume, but Mikan insists that they have to. She has a bad feeling that he might get hurt, and we know already from the Reo Arc that Mikan trusts her gut 100%. She didn’t think at all about consequences when going back for him then and she’s not thinking about the consequences of looking for him now. This isn’t optional.

Natsume has been acting strange all day. He wanted to come here, to look for something, and that’s strange because Natsume doesn’t ever want to do things. The fact that they’re being warned against going after him only makes her more concerned. Natsume’s already down there, probably in danger, so they have to go after him to make sure he’s safe. Luckily, her friends are all on her side. Hotaru, Ruka, and Youichi all take off with her, rushing to the basement. 

I know my analysis here is short but I actually really enjoy this chapter. It's just... not a lot of content for me to analyze.

They’re trapped in the bowels of darkness for a while, descending the stairs into the basement. They’re confronted by Hayate, on the DA class’s discipline squad. He is here to punish Natsume, but because some stragglers have joined, he’s been sent to take them out. The discipline squad is used to working against the effects of the strong barrier down here. The other kids aren’t. Thus, Hayate is at a significant advantage. He probably would win effortlessly, except that he catches sight of Hotaru and falls instantly in love with her.

Chapter Sixty

Hayate loses all interest in fighting them now that he’s seen Hotaru’s face. The others are incredibly confused by his complete 180 in behavior. They decide to just walk away if he’s not attacking anymore. He continues to pursue them, trying to hit on Hotaru, until they run into another discipline squad member, Rui. Rui came here, looking for a “cute guy.” He’s the one to recognize aged-up Youichi.

A fight ensues. Rui’s alice is incredibly dangerous and Youichi’s is the only match for it. 

Mikan wants to run, but Youichi tells her not to look.

And that’s not just him talking.

Mikan cares for Youichi, obviously, but it's interesting that so much of that care is related to her care for Natsume.

Mikan remembers all that she’s learned about the DA class from Reo, who described an organization that trains the children to be spies. There’s a darkness in this school and it manifests most powerfully in the DA class. Natsume looks out for Youichi, partly because nobody else does. After all, nobody looks out for him either. 

Mikan has already seen little glimpses of what Natsume’s regular life is like within the DA class during the Z Arc, when she watched him fight, be strategic, think like a soldier instead of a kid. Youichi is only three, though, and he seems just as used to fighting. And he’s telling her not to look. 

Because all the DA class kids are different from the rest of the school. They live a horrible, dark life, isolated from others because others won’t understand their experiences, because other kids bully them. Even a toddler like Youichi thinks in a way no child should, especially at three, that he needs to protect Mikan even if he gets hurt.

(Because Natsume told him to protect the others. That’s just how DA kids are.)

But Mikan doesn’t like that. Youichi almost gets hit by a surprise attack before Mikan tackles him, protecting him with her alice. Mikan doesn’t want to just sit back and be protected. She wants to do the protecting too, especially since her alice works best protecting others. The problem is that her alice is harder to use with this barrier, so she gets a little cut from Hayate’s alice. Rui recognizes her then as Natsume’s partner and taunts her that coming here was pointless because Natsume will be trapped in the dungeon forever.

Both Mikan and Ruka are horrified to hear that. Mikan remembers the ESP’s ominous warning on Christmas, that she should be careful not to lose anything important to her. It seems that the superstition might have some truth to it, because if Natsume gets locked up forever, then she’ll certainly be losing something important. 

She demands to know why Natsume would be locked up, but Rui doesn’t seem to have all the details. He mentions Natsume falling for stupid bait and coming to find his sister.

Wake up, babe! New Natsume lore dropped! (We already knew that, though.)

Ruka is obviously affected by this news, but he knows about Natsume already so that makes sense.

Mikan is surprised by this. She’d been so irritated with him but all of this had been his desperate effort to find his sister. Of course, he never told her that because he never tells her anything, so it makes sense that she’d be irritated with him. In any case, she’s entirely concerned now. Natsume is being punished, being called a criminal. He was lured here with rumors about his sister, who shouldn’t be locked up anyway. 

The point is that Natsume is here for a noble cause and he’s going to be punished, which is simply unfair. Mikan cares about him and doesn’t want to lose him because he matters to her. She was able to use an impressive amount of alice to keep Natsume at school with her, up to bat against the stealing alice threatening to take him away from her. She won’t let Persona take him either.

But Rui ramps up to punish them and move on, but he’s interrupted by Tsubasa arriving just in time.

Sixty-One

The group fills Tsubasa in on the situation. The priority is to save Natsume before he can get locked up. Turns out Rui is infatuated with Tsubasa. It’s interesting how these fights are complicated by the question of attraction. Hayate for Hotaru, Rui for Tsubasa. The DA kids are so weird. I don’t have a point about that. It’s just an interesting trend.

Something something the Reo Arc focused on Mikan showing Natsume that he has something to live for and this arc shows him how many people are willing to fight for him. Whatever.

Turns out Tsubasa’s curse mark was created as a punishment by Rui, who can inflict pain on him whenever he wants. Where Hayate’s crush on Hotaru made him pretty harmless, Rui is the opposite. He is sadistic in some ways, and won't hold back just because he likes Tsubasa. But Hotaru has had enough dilly-dallying. They need to save Natsume, not waste time on these idiots. 

(And it’s so interesting that she looks at Ruka and assures him to his face that they will save Natsume. I'll save that for another essay, I suppose.)

Ruka surprises them all by summoning rats to attack Hayate and Rui. Mikan is shocked, and so is the reader (ideally) because Ruka has never used his alice violently before. It turns out his alice has some substantial potential to cause epic damage, but that’s not the kind of person Ruka is. He loves animals. Whereas Yuri hates her own alice, and Narumi and Reo view their pheromones as weapons or tools for manipulation, Ruka’s alice has always been an accessory to his love for animals. He uses his alice to aid communication, to tame animals through love and gentleness. He hates the idea of hurting animals, or manipulating them, so he would never use his alice like this normally.

But he loves Natsume too, and that’s how desperate he is to save his best friend: he’d even risk hurting these rats for him.

That’s as good a warning as any that this situation is serious and dangerous, on par with the Z Arc. Hayate and Rui might be funny characters, but this is not a comedic arc. 

Ruka says that Natsume had started to lose hope in life before meeting Mikan (and the others, but… we know the truth), but that he’s different now. He loudly defends Natsume, insisting that he won’t allow Natsume to be called a criminal anymore, and he certainly won’t allow him to be locked up. Ruka announces that he’ll stay with Tsubasa and Yoichi while Mikan and Hotaru go ahead to save Natsume. 

Saving Natsume without Ruka? That's not even possible! (Which is why Ruka would NEVER have left Natsume's side before his death, not for all the burns in the world, not for any of Natsume's pleading or Tsubasa trying to grab him, nothing. I will always be bitter.)

Mikan can’t hear his tragic internal monologue about this decision, but she doesn’t have to. Ruka not being there to save Natsume is ridiculous. Ruka has to save Natsume, because nobody loves him the way Ruka does. And of course she thinks this way, because Natsume’s biggest defender from the start was Ruka. Her very first day at the academy, she’d heard nothing but bad rumors about Natsume, but Ruka was the only person to shut those rumors down. He’s always by Natsume’s side, always standing up for him, always insisting that there’s more to Natsume than there might appear. Ruka has been saving Natsume time and time again, doing his best to protect his reputation and stand up for him, staying by his side, all in little ways. They might be small actions, but Mikan noticed. 

Mikan wouldn’t feel what she feels now about Natsume if it wasn’t for Ruka.

So how could Ruka not be the one to save Natsume?

(Note: these paragraphs are really hard for me to write because I'm crying and the tears are fogging up my glasses. Natsume and Ruka’s friendship simply hits different for me.)

Tsubasa and Youichi join in, pushing Ruka away. They’ll take the fight from here. Ruka and the girls should chase after Natsume and save him. They head off together, and Mikan remembers what Narumi had told her in Chapter Ten, that she should make lots of friends at the academy because they will become precious treasures to her.

She’s always believed in him, but that feels more true now than ever. Her friends are precious to her, so she won’t let Natsume be locked up. And it’s true for them too--Ruka has a precious friend he would do anything for.

As they walk, Ruka tells Hotaru and Mikan that he should finally tell them the truth about Natsume. 

About damn time that Mikan finally gets some answers. Not that she isn't already in love with him, but she's waited long enough!

Dear God, we’ve been waiting for this one for a long fucking time. More than sixty chapters to finally “discover” Natsume. Mikan has been looking so closely at him for so long to figure him out. She ended up seeing a lot that she liked, to the point where she’s gained a pretty sizable crush on him (even if she is unaware of it), but he remains a mystery. So much of what he does is inexplicable and bizarre.

Natsume would never tell Mikan this story. He never talks about himself like this. It only makes sense that Ruka would be the one to share, because he’s always the one to share. Natsume wants to protect people from his dark life, but Ruka wants to protect him, and the best way to do that now is by telling the girls everything, the entire story of how they came to the academy.

Conclusion

Natsume is Mikan's sunshine and she's willing to fight for him, no matter what! Today has already taught her so much, and yet the day hasn't even come close to ending! Tomorrow I'll post again! I'm not sure how many more parts this arc will have. Maybe two? We'll see. The analysis coming up is long and detailed! I'll be discussing lots of things!

I'm officially back! I got a new job (for real this time) which is Monday to Friday from 8 am to 4 pm for the next four months. So I won't be posting on weekdays from now on (maybe on Fridays depending on how tired I am). I'll try to write in the meantime because I have a lot of analysis to do to maintain a good gap! I wanna be ahead of y'all.

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[batz]

playing the piamo

[084392]

ok ok WHAT are pokemon that you know would scare the ever loving shit out of you if you just stumbled on them in the wild as someone in the pokemon world?(can include legendaries, mythicals, UBs, paradox pokemon, and just rare pokemon in general btw)(or just specific not rare ones too)(also im sorry but do not give me that "none i would hug and love all of them!!" crap istg)(or try and tell me that you wouldnt be scared bc you're "not a pussy" or something -_-)

[ashenberry]

[ID in alt]

hi hey hello. you should go check out @u3pxx 's piece for the mea culpa zine I just made a fun and silly continuation of it because im normal about it <3

more fun and silly shenanigans under the cut

[ID in alt]

[witchkittymeow]

I BEAT MY BIGGEST ART FEAR AUGH

[lostcryptids]

this car is like haunting my neighborhood since Christmas eve I'll see it try to take a pic and it's already driving away

[ghoulish-art-tendencies]

when your boyfriend’s being cheeky and using your words against you

[kabukiaku]

secondo has seen enough bullshit to not be fazed.

[mewtwo24]

Not to be That Guy but like.

Am I the only one that can't stop thinking about how Tianlang-Jun says about Luo Binghe that he pretends to be cold-hearted like his mother. The hint of fondness there, the heartache in that utterance.

Like it drives me absolutely insane. Imagining her putting on a front of strength, cold and driven and unrelenting. Why does TLJ say that about her. Did she secretly look for solutions that meant reconciling with demons instead of hurting them when her sect wasn't looking? (I wonder this because I feel like his weird fondness for SQQ would lowkey track if it's connected to the woman he once loved.) Did he mean that she was tasked with basically assassinating him and she fell in love with him instead (re: failed step one)? Did he mean that she was fond and doting in her own way (e.g. conceding he was attractive, paying for his exploits and humoring him)? Did he mean that, like LBH, she thought that power would be the thing to protect her--and that it was disguising a person who was deeply and privately wounded? All four????? I don't need sleep I need a n s w e r s

Did she know about the Huanhua Palace Master's skeevy ass intentions before she met TLJ? Or did those only come to significant light after she fell in love with TLJ? Is that why she never anticipated that level of betrayal, because initially she had no intention of being with anyone romantically? And HHPM just assumed she would be under his thumb forever?? Was she furious at her own indiscretion or did she try to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip, a way to try to stop the immortals of Cang Qiong Mountain from attacking TLJ (plus the bonus of marriage entrapment no takesies backsies this is where LBH gets it from)? Did she try to use that claim on her to dissuade HHPM from his covetous advances, framing herself as tainted so that she could finally escape? Did she dream of a life by TLJ's side, far away from Cang Qiong Mountain?

Like. Literally every single permutation of what this could mean guts me to hell. Do you ever just cry about tianxi because I--[loud bawling noises]

[saetoru]

if gojo doesn’t win this then it’s proof that all men do is lie bc why tf did you tell me in season one you’d win and have me all cozied up with no worries like “yeah trust. my man got this !!” only to make a fool out of the both of us. i’m never trusting nobody again this is not a game ok my mental health is not a game

[fandomrose]

Sunday - Love Hypnosis

Sunday hypnotises you (consensually) to relax you.

No spoilers.

No description of reader or readers troubles so project what you are personally struggling with as you see fit.

No angst just fluff. I thought this concept would be cute. I've seen many a yandere Sunday hypnotises you, and that's great but consider - consent and fluff.

(This isn't a jab, I too enjoy a yandere fic from time to time but I also want to see fluff and I haven't seen this done in a fluffy way yet.)

I don't know why I'm mildly obsessed with this man but I am. (Cough Cough, I read maximum ride as a kid and now I automatically fall in love with winged characters. Cough Cough.) I need him to hypnotise me please and thank you.

(I have a few fics in the works that I need to finish but I'm struggling.)

As usual enjoy. Love ya 💙

"Darling?" Came the light and airy tone of your beloved. Though there was a hint of worry in his voice as he took in your face down, slumped form. "Are you alright?"

He could tell very well that you were not alright. But he would coax an answer out of you one way or another. Though the only answer he received was a groan.

"Darling." He sighs but chuckles at your obviously aggravated self. "Allow me to help you."

Your body goes limp as you let him move you from a sofa to your shared bed. "My darling. Tell me what's gotten into you."

He chuckles as you groan out a single word relating to your issues. "Life."

"Oh, my darling. You'll let me soothe you for the night won't you?" He only felt it was right after the many nights you had soothed him.

Patient, kind, understanding. Three words that when asked by others what you think about eachother, you'd both say about eachother. A pure give and take without a scoreboard, that's how you operated. You were both busy or stressed for one reason or another so that's how things had to be.

The simple love you shared was enough most days but sometimes things went wrong.

Sunday had performed hypnosis on you before so he knew it worked but he'd never engage unless you agreed. You knew the question he asked meant he wanted to soothe you via hypnosis, and with the state of your mind you would happily agree.

"Please do."

He wouldn't offer if he didn't have the energy you knew this, a rather large argument took care of that when he'd overworked himself then passed out after hypnotising you once and a medic had to be rushed in. Needless to say, you weren't happy with his carelessness. And seeing how upset you were he agreed to be more careful with his health.

You didn't want to think anymore so as you lay there looking up at him with your tired eyes and weary mind, he smiles. He caresses your face and hair before taking a deep breath and reciting that familiar chant.

"Oh triple faced soul, allow me to take hold of this one's mind and soothe them of all worries and burdens. The word Beloved will be the catalyst for control."

With that simple incantation your mind belonged to Sunday for a short while. Your mind felt fuzzy and slow but not unpleasantly, the way it would when you achieved complete relaxation.

Like he had done before, he would take you through your nightly routine with this hypnosis.

"Beloved, follow me to to the bathroom." He helped you up while your body automatically followed his words and stood up.

Walking was about the most complex task you could complete, he wasn't Xipe Themself, so his power only went so far.

"Beloved, lift your arms."

You do as told and he aids in stripping you, ready to be cleaned.

"Beloved, sit on this stool and close your eyes."

You again do as told his voice muffled through the layers of hypnosis, but soothing nonetheless. "I am going to wash your face first darling." He always narrates what he does before doing it as not to startle you.

You felt a cool, wet, cloth glide over your face and you can't help but sigh with satisfaction. You feel it gently caress your cheeks and softly rub your eyes tickle behind your ears. You hear the cloth being rinsed and wrung, the muffled sounds of the water soothing you further.

"I am going to wash your upper body now darling." And, as before, you feel the damp cloth glide over your neck and upper body, letting him move you has he sees fit. Soft humming coming from him lulls you deeper into his hypnosis. The cloth glides down and caresses your chest before moving to wash your back. You'd make sounds of relaxed satisfaction if you could but your exhausted body coupled with the hypnosis has made your brain devoid of any thought or control. Just how you want it.

He moves back to the front of you with a new cloth. "Beloved, spread your legs, I need to clean you."

Your body complies without hesitation and that's what he does, making sure to be extra gentle around this sensitive area. He is thorough but doesn't linger long this time, not wanting to spark anything in you this evening.

Standing to switch the cloth again, "I'm going to wash your legs and feet now darling." Still being as gentle as ever his hands and the cloth slowly makes their way down your legs massaging them as they go. A light massage is given to your feet as well before he finishes and pats you dry with a towel before he deems your body clean.

"Beloved, open your mouth wide."

He orders next, your mind too fuzzy to think of what else could be doing. You hear more water then feel a hand on your chin. "I'm going to brush your teeth darling." Then light scrubbing of your teeth and tongue can be felt, he is thorough with this area too. Not wanting to be the reason you have cavities he takes his time

Not too long later he finishes with you. You can hear things being put away and muffled sounds of him walking around you, maybe inspecting you. Before he stops infront and,

"Beloved, open your eyes and stand up. Its time to go to bed."

You're led back into the bedroom now that he is satisfied that you are clean. "Beloved, are you ready to sleep?"

Compelled to answer, you do. "yes"

"Beloved, do you want to sleep with me?"

"Yes"

"Good, let's get to sleep then shall we."

The sounds of fabric and draws is all you hear for a moment before he guides you into bed with him.

"Beloved, lay down."

When hes satisfied you are comfortable You feel his soft skin against yours, the wings on his head lightly brushing your face in reverence before he pulls them back. It isn't often he blesses you with his naked body, the vulnerability gets to him at times.

Once you've layed down and he's pulled you close he asked one more question.

"Beloved, are you ready to be released from hypnosis?"

"Yes"

As the words leave your lips he beins the incantation to remove his influence on your mind.

"Oh triple faced soul, this one has completed this ones tasks and can now be freed from the shackles of my control with no burden."

Everything goes still as your senses return slowly, reaclimating you to reality. A few minutes pass of him softly stroking your head and neck while you come back to him.

"Thank you Sunday" a soft whisper conveying how grateful you are before you promptly pass out the exhaustion and relaxation hitting you full force as you melt into the bed and his arms.

"Oh my beloved, I'd do anything to see you happy and relaxed like this more often. I am grateful for all you do for me so it's only natural. I love you, so much my beloved."

He whispers to your sleeping self, pressing small kisses to your forehead, cheeks and nose. Watching the small twitches at the contact makes his evening amd he feels like he too can finally relax.

[fella-lovin-fella]

hey guys do something nice for yourself today. go outside, take a walk, eat good food, practice a hobby, take a nap. do something that makes you feel good. life is terrifying right now. make sure you take care of yourselves

[liauditore]

cw// implied character death, double life nonsense

because you are love itself.

[godmerlin]

I'm just going down memory hill with looking at old photoshoots and this is the cutest one I think they ever did! Look at angel! She's stunning and sooo adorable smiling like that! Also her hair in this photoshoot just aces. Colin looking cute as always. Katie is gorg ans so smiley. Loooook at Bradley! I Just....ugh. it's so good. Chefs kisses all around. I love the whole photoshoot and should just go and post all the pics I have from it without the weird commentary. Hahaha perhaps another time. What a great cast truly award winning. I love them all so much. I already knew I was bisexual when the first episode aired but let me tell you, solidified it for me. 🤣

[dankmaths]

I'm like 90% sure if I don't get more of your ghost au I may just implode so like 🥺👉👈

not necessarily my AU but i ended up drawing smth based on a scene from @novethegreat's fic, "In Love With A Ghost". ooohhhh you wanna read it so bad ooooohh

+more google doc delusions ive had in my head for a long time and havent been possessed to draw under the cut please work god please

i like to think once yosuke gets over the whole undead roommate thing he starts to feel bad for leaving yu at home all day. (like a pet dog.....) so at some point he invites chie and yukiko over. maybe it’s a study session. but at first yukiko can’t make it so it’s just chie. yosuke tells yu to stay put in the room since chie is scared of ghosts (just like yosuke she’ll never admit it though lol). chie says that she and yukiko have been working on a new recipe and offers to cook which yosuke shoots down Very quickly, offering to cook himself, since a "friend" of his has been teaching him-- he very conveniently leaves out the whole undead roommate thing. but when he’s preparing the food he accidentally cuts his finger. yu forgets what he’s told and rushes through the walls into the kitchen scaring chie on accident.

yosuke: OW shit

yu: (phasing through the wall) yosuke! are you ok?

chie: yosuke! are youuuuuuUUUUAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

yukiko, the occult lover, is unable to see/hear ghosts… but when she hears abt "OHHH HANAMURAS APT IS HAUNTED ITS SO SCARY ITS AWFUL!!! i mean the ghost didnt kill me or anything he was actually pretty polite but its AWFUL!!!!!!" from chie, she gets sooo excited and begs yosuke to invite her over (for the ghost obviously not for yosuke. which is a bit of a blow to his ego LOL). and she comes in with a ouija board so she can talk to yu

yukiko: so. where is it?

yosuke: his name is yu. damn, not even a hello.

yukiko: well, where is he?

yosuke: …right over there.

yu tries to play along bc he thinks its fun, to yosukes exasperation. however he has trouble staying solid for very long so it takes foreverrrrr. but basically i think yu and yukiko writing each other notes to communicate like point blank pen pals would be cute… also when the others are around who can hear yu, playing telephone with what he says to yukiko and fucking it up (on accident OR on purpose) would be rly funny

[puppyeared]

sleight doodley before i go to bed <3