#im sick of seeing poly relationships getting treated like shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sup4l3e · 4 years

Text

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

1 note · View note

ddaengyoonmin · 5 years

Text

Chapter 5

—

Genre: DystopianFuture!au; Prison!au; historical and mythological characters; based on the Fate/ anime series. Fluff, Angst, Smut (it’s gonna be real smutty in some chapters 😳) Action and fighting will be a definite theme.

Pairing: poly!Ot7 X Reader -there will be some three(maybe even more)some smut in future chapters

Warnings: Fingering, Unprotected sex, voyeur and exhibitionism?

Word count: 4.8k

Taglist: @bellexwriter @3rachascompass

@im-emo-motherfuckers @i-like-puppy-mg

@mynameisstruggling @kaekae-h @skytime092

@seesawsmin-flower @oddkpopgirl @caibaby23

@spider-thot0115 @sunshine-or-some-shit

@em1joon @aclp-jb1d @monvieesdaebak @mother-forker @karissassirak

@littlebluebird-al @namjoonsslutakakoreanmanswhore @d-noona

(if i forgot you let me know lol i suck at taglists but i try my best!! <3 )

As the car continued to speed down the road, Yoongi's foot was shaking on the pedal. He’d had his fair share of experiences racing away from a terrifying situation, but nothing compared to this. His palms sweat, slipping slightly on the steering wheel as he made a sharp turn. The brutal sight from mere minutes ago playing in his mind on a loop.

About twenty feet up in the air a silver camera drone hovered. Almost as if it had eyes, Yoongi felt its stare intruding into the windows of the car. Yoongi rolled down his driver’s side window.

“Did you like that you sick fucks? Did we put on a good show for you?” He screamed out, putting his arm out the window and sticking his middle finger up at the drone, At the world, at the viewers who were probably all comfortable on their couches with popcorn and other snacks while they watched that gruesome event play out. Some had probably even cheered when the team was taken out. If they had a bet going on they may have just won some money off the deaths that took place.

Yoongi was growing nauseous at that thought, and put his foot to the gas even more, wanting to be home and indoors where the cameras wouldn’t follow.

————————————————————

When the car pulled into the garage, the rest of the group assumed the same roles they had done the last time. You slid off the back of the trunk shakily as Jimin held out a hand to steady you on your way down.

“Thanks” you mumbled.

“Of course, you okay?”

“Been better” you shrugged. You had thought that nothing could ever terrify you more than Vulcan did. Yet, today had proved you wrong. When you were faced with your possible demise, you had a thought. You didn’t want to leave this world, not yet, you still needed more time with these men.

Master, his cold way of dealing with you still hadn’t turned you off from the idea that he was still someone you wanted to be close with.

Jin, his caring nature, the way he carried you to the couch, and constantly checked in on you.

Hoseok, you hadn’t gotten extremely close with him, but you really like him and his ready to go attitude that really encouraged the rest of the team, and kept them positive despite what you were all going through.

Namjoon, the way he cared about his teammates, taking on a lot of the hard decisions and playing mediator even when he had his own shit going on, you knew that took a toll on him, but he didn’t show it.

Jimin, the beautiful man who made you feel so good nights ago. You had grown fond of his smile, and his warm heart. He was moody and a bit rash at times, but he was good, and kind to you.

Taehyung, the man you had felt comfortable talking to about your past. He listened well, and he didn’t seem to judge you for anything. If he did, he’d never said a word. He felt like safety in this world that was currently anything but.

And lastly Jungkook, the awkward shy man, who you noticed was scared and probably wanted to run away from this whole thing and never look back. Yet, he stayed with his teammates, not wanting to let anyone down and still trying his best.

These men, your team mates. You weren’t ready to leave that behind.

So, for the first time in your life, or second life, whatever it may be...you were truly afraid of death. You felt that ticking clock of mortality telling you that there wasn’t enough time, that there might never be enough time with them.

You were torn away from your thoughts when two strong arms were pulling you into a hug. Which surprised you, the men had tried their best to keep skinship with you to a minimum so as not to risk getting carried away with the lustful feelings.

It was Jin, he had pulled you in tightly, and you accepted it, wrapping your arms around his waist and locking them behind his back.

He didn’t say a word, just holding you there for a minute in the garage. You realize everyone had left and you’d been standing there in a daze, which must’ve worried Jin.

When he pulled back he gave you a small smile and patted you on the head.

“I needed that” you spoke softly.

“Yeah me too actually” he chuckled, then looked down at the small tent in his pants that had formed and sighed “Yeah that’s not my fault.” He winked

You giggled “yeah, my bad”

“Mmm, not sure if I’d call it bad” Jin brought his hand to your face and brushed your cheek lightly with his thumb.

You felt a shiver run up your spine, and a small tingle of pleasure at his gentle and loving touch.

“You know I really wish we could. But I won’t force myself on you like Yoongi did” he frowned

“Yoongi didn’t force himself on me” you looked down and shuffled your feet

“Bullshit. You’re telling me you let him treat you that way?” He shook his head, not believing you.

“I did. And he could do it again. He can do whatever he likes to me. He’s my master” you snapped, taking a step back from Jin.

“Hey hey hey, I’m sorry okay...I just find it hard to believe that you’re okay with that. I’m just worried about you.” He sighed again “just don’t think you have to let him treat you that way. You don’t deserve it” Jin stepped forward, kissing you on your forehead and letting his lips linger there for a while.

“Thanks for your opinion” you said in a monotone voice. Not wanting to discuss this further.

“So you really want him…” he grumbled.

“I want all of you...but I want him most” you whispered.

Jin nodded, “well, I’ll try not to be too hurt by that. At least I’m a contender huh?”

“I really do like you too Jin, please just don’t worry about how I deal with Yoongi and our... relationship….”

Jin grinned “okay, I’ll do my best to stay out of it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry okay?”

You nodded.

“Do you think…” he paused. Debating on if he should finish. “Do you think the others would be mad if you slept with me tonight?”

You raised your eyebrows “I mean, Namjoon set rules right?”

“Oh! No no, I meant like, just sleeping, literal sleeping, like...you share my blankets and pillows with me, maybe...we cuddle or something. Nothing more” he ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly getting nervous like a schoolboy asking out his first crush.

“I’m not sure what they’d think” you chuckled “but if they don’t mind. I’d love to”

Jin nodded his head up and down quickly “I-I’m gonna ask about that.” He sped over to the door into the house, holding it open for you to go in first. You felt his eyes locked on you as you walked into the house and to the kitchen for something to drink.

Jin didn’t know how much longer he could take this. He needed you, and he wished that you loved him most. It seemed that your affections leaned towards Yoongi more than anyone else, maybe all you really wanted from the others was sex and nothing more. But, Jin was convinced he could show you how a good man would treat his woman, and maybe then…

———————————————-

Everyone had grabbed something from the kitchen to either drink or eat before settling down to sit on their beds. It wasn’t quite evening yet, but each of them had exhausted expressions. Taehyung was trying to comfort Jungkook who still was slightly in shock.

They were rightfully shaken up.

Namjoon finally spoke up.

“So, I know it's hard to think of what happened today as a good thing. But, it wasn’t us that got taken out. So we have reason to feel some relief.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “Yeah I’ll feel relieved when it’s over”

“Well I think we have reason to feel grateful. Goddess saved us back there. You saw what happened to the others, that could’ve easily been us.” Taehyung spoke, casting a smile your way, “That was good thinking distracting Archer.”

You didn’t want to admit that distracting her wasn’t quite your plan, but yes, things did all work out.

Yoongi scoffed and rolled his eyes for a second time.

Jimin jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow. “If you don’t start being nice to her I swear I’m not talking to you anymore. She’s been nothing but kind and helpful since the moment she got here. Hell, she’s even put up with your sour attitude better than your own friends here have. So I think it’s time to put whatever shit you have going on behind you and start appreciating YOUR servent”

Yoongi suddenly frowned and looked down to the floor.

“I’m sorry….” he muttered.

“To us? Or to her?” Jin asked, “because I don’t think you should apologize to any of us before you’ve made things right with her.”

Yoongi didn’t quite know what to say. How could he possibly put what he’d been feeling into words, who could possibly understand? If he said what was honestly on his mind would that make things better? Or should he just tell them what they want to hear, then everything can go on like sunshine and rainbows even when he knows it’s not.

Jimin spoke before Yoongi had made a decision on that.

“I think Yoongi's issue here is...that he hates the Escape war. He hates everything it stands for and he holds a grudge against society for making it acceptable. And unfortunately goddess here is a part of that system that you hate right?” Jimin turned to Yoongi meeting his eyes.

Yoongi nodded shamefully “I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to be a master, I just want to serve my time and live my life here in red brick like anyone else. And every time I see her, or hear her speak. I’m reminded that I’m a part of a sick game that rich fucks created to fill their wallets.”

The room fell silent for a long while. No one quite knew what to say to make Yoongi feel better.

“Did you ever think that I didn’t ask for any of this either?” You spoke, breaking the quiet. “That I’m no less of a victim in all of this than you are? I don’t represent thing sick game any more than you do Master. But you know what? I was happy that I was summoned here the moment I saw you, when I asked who my master was, and you spoke, I couldn’t have been more excited to get to know you and be on your team. Not because I was excited to win, or kill, but because of you and the goodness I saw in your eyes. I love you Master, why won’t you accept me?” Tears started to form in your eyes as you spoke. All eyes in the room were shifting back and forth between you and Yoongi, wondering how he’d respond.

His mouth hung open, like words were trying to come out but being held back.

What he did next wasn’t unexpected, but it didn’t stop you from letting out a loud sob while he stormed silently out of the room and into his bedroom.

Jin shook his head angrily. The rest of the group were motionless and still deep in thought about your confession.

“You love him?” Jimin spoke quietly.

“I don’t know what else to call it…” you muttered. “It’s like I told Jin earlier...I care for all of you, but Master...what I feel for him is more”

“So do you love me?” Jin spoke. It caught you off guard, you didn’t quite know if you could call your feelings for the rest of them love. Lust? Yes. Protectiveness? Also yes. Love? What even is love? You just confessed that you loved Yoongi, but did you even know that it was what you felt?

The next series of events happened far too quickly for you to stop.

“If anything she’d love me. She kissed me, and touched me. And we understand eachother” Taehyung's chest puffed out with pride as he confessed.

“Well she might love me too since I went down on her, and we understand each other as well” Jimin shrugged.

The rest of the group sat wide eyed and in shock at their admission of breaking Namjoons rules.

“W-what?” Jungkook stuttered staring at Taehyung with a look of betrayal.

Jin stiffened and fell quiet and still. Hoseok chuckled and patted Jimin on the back as if to say ‘nice one’. Namjoon on the other hand looked furious.

“Did I not say…” He started. Then he looked to you, his face growing red and angry “Did you make them do this?”

You couldn’t find the right words to say, you were embarrassed and ashamed. The last thing you wanted was to cause tension in the group. You felt that Namjoon now saw you how most men had always seen you, a temptress and a witch who lured men into her spell of lust.

Jimin stepped in before you came up with something to say.

“Namjoon stop. If anything it was my fault, she honestly tried to talk me out of it at first. I’m sorry I broke the rules. But I think it was a ridiculous rule in the first place. You know we all want her, and it’s not that easy to hold back.”

Namjoon’s eyes narrowed “Fine then.” he said coldly “Fine. No more rules. Everyone just do whatever you’d like with her then.”

The room was in shock at the lift on Namjoons ban.

“Obviously if she wants to, which I don’t see being an issue. I mean that's your whole thing right?” Namjoon looked your way a hint of disgust in his tone that made you feel ashamed.

You frowned slightly

“Y-yeah. That’s my thing I guess” You stammered with an almost sarcastic tone, feeling slightly annoyed at the way he had just spoken to you. Like a toy, like all you were good for was sex and putting out when someone wanted it from you. You’d like to think that you were more than that, but your past experiences didn’t really give you much of a defense.

Namjoon sighed and stood up from his chair, “I’m gonna go get Yoongi” he grumbled as he left.

--------------------------------

The rest of the night was awkward. All of your team seemed to not know how to handle Namjoon’s rule being ended. Should they give it a try? Your reaction definitely didn’t seem like you were happy about it, and as irresistible you were to them, they weren’t going to force you into anything.

When it came time to sleep you settled down on the couch, everyone including Yoongi and Namjoon were settling into their places in the living room and quickly falling asleep.

Just as you were about to shut your eyes and do the same, a soft voice hit your ears from the side of the couch.

“I suppose that means my proposition earlier is fine...if you still want to?” Jin whispered.

You looked down to where he laid right below you along the length of the couch. He smiled up at you, with a hopeful expression.

You were happy that you hadn’t crushed his spirits earlier with everything that had gone down. You really did like him too, he meant a lot to you. When he asked you if you loved him, you wanted so badly to tell him that you did, even if you didn’t. Just to see the way his face would light up at your words. You wanted him happy, and loved.

“Of course.” You whispered back with a smile. Quietly you lower yourself down onto the floor, he held his blanket up for you to get under, he was shirtless and wearing only a pair of light pink sweatpants. Almost instantly he pulled you tightly into himself, your back pressed against his hard and muscular chest, an arm clutching you around your waist holding you tightly to him.

You could feel his erection start to grow against your backside. You knew he couldn’t help it, it was just the spell, you told yourself.

But, feeling wanted by this kind and caring man had you feeling better about the day’s events, and you found yourself wiggling slightly against the hardness in the front of his pants, rubbing your ass against him.

He reacted instantly to the feeling, shutting his eyes tightly and bringing his head to rest on your shoulder and his cheek against your own. He let out a small moan as you continued.

“Fuck baby. Don’t stop doing that” he whispered into your ear.

You started to press your hips harder back into him, rolling them in small circles and rubbing against him. His hand now moved from your waist and clutched your hip, holding you tightly to himself as you moved. He moaned lightly again and you could feel his chest start to rise and fall quickly as his breathing increased. You felt your own arousal growing as you continued, the hot sticky wetness that was now underneath your dress proving how turned on you were from this.

“You’re making me want to fuck you right here.” He murmured.

As much as you felt like you were only proving Namjoon right at this point, you couldn’t deny how badly you wanted to do exactly that.

Fuck it, maybe sex was something that you just couldn’t resist, but that didn’t mean you weren’t more than that. And you weren’t going to pass up this opportunity just because of what Namjoon said.

You grabbed Jins hand that was on your waist, moving it down and underneath your dress to your dripping center, holding tightly onto his wrist as his fingers started to find their way between your folds. You shivered at the feeling and your hips pressed back into him making him groan.

“Shh” you quietly giggled.

You felt Jin smile against the skin on your neck where he was now leaving light kisses.

Jin's fingers started to circle your clit, making you gasp out.

“Hey, shh” he chuckled, laughing at the hypocrisy of you being noisy right after shushing him.

After circling around your clit for a few moments, his fingers trailed their way down and to your entrance. He nipped your ear lightly as one of his fingers entered into you. You tried your best to be quiet, biting your lip at the feeling. Then another finger entered, and he started to slowly move them in and out, curling them and brushing against your sensitive walls.

You wanted to moan and scream with pleasure but continued to bite your lip holding back your noises, not wanting to wake your teammates. You don’t quite know why, but you’d feel slightly embarrassed if anyone woke up and caught you like this with Jin.

Jin continued a steady pace of in and out, soft kisses trailing up and down your neck as he did, loving the way you’d move your hips against him when he’d brush against a spot or touch you in a way that seemed to feel exceptionally good.

Your breathing was quickened and shallow, trying your best to not let out a scream that was building in your stomach next to the orgasm that was building under Jin’s fingers.

“Cum for me Goddess” he whispered into your ear.

And that was your undoing. You let out a long exhale as your walls convulsed and tightened around his fingers. Your orgasm flooding over you, pure bliss hitting every inch of your body. You shook and wiggled against him as you came.

“Fuck baby, you’re so hot” Jin brought his fingers out of you and to his lips. You turned your head just in time to see him take the two fingers that were covered in your juices and bring them past his soft plush lips, sucking on them and releasing them with a quiet pop.

“And delicious” he added

You lean your head forward to him, your eyes locked on those tempting lips.

He met you halfway and his lips touched yours passionately and heavily. His kisses were sloppy but somehow precise at the same time. You could easily get lost in them for hours if he’d let you.

You felt him reach a hand down, adjusting his pants to be able to pull out his cock. You could now feel him against your ass as your dress was pulled up past your waist. You repeated your previous motions, rubbing against him and rolling your hips in circles against him.

“Goddess. You are so perfect.” he muttered, his lips brushing against your ear now.

“Can I?” he whispered, now moving to position his cock at your entrance that was still soaked from your orgasm.

“Yes. Please” you moaned.

Jin then slowly started to lift his hips, pushing himself into you every so slightly, and groaning softly with every small movement.

Once he was completely inside of you, his hand gripped your hip tightly and he held you still as he somehow pushed up even further. You let out a small gasp at how deep inside of you he was, which caused him to chuckle and bring his other arm under your head. He brought two fingers to your lips, and you instantly parted your mouth. He pushed his fingers inside, his way of trying to keep you quiet most likely. You started to suck on his fingers, flicking your tongue along them as he pushed them deeper into your mouth. Jin now started to slowly move his hips, moving himself in and out of you.

You hadn’t seen his cock, only felt it, but the way that it filled you up you could only assume he was huge. Much longer than Yoongi had been.

Jin growly softly as he started to pick up his pace, rolling his hips quickly and gripping your hips tightly, his fingertips digging into your side as his hips smacked against your ass.

“Shit” he gasped a bit too loud. Suddenly you felt his whole body still, and his hand grip tighter onto you. He was hissing softly, and you could now feel a warmness hitting your walls, and his body starting to shiver against you as he breathed heavily.

“Fuck.” he winced. Pulling his fingers from your mouth, turning to look at you with an embarrassed expression.

“I’m so sorry, that came out of nowhere” he spoke shyly. “No pun intended…” he added starting to laugh at his own joke.

“It’s fine” you smiled and brought your lips to his shaking mouth, planting a soft kiss. “You are amazing.”

“Yeah?” Jin grinned widely “You’re more amazing. That felt too good”

“Yeah. It sounded like it.” A voice grumbled from the other side of Jin. You jumped with surprise, Your hand shot up to your mouth and your eyes widened.

Jin was equally as taken back by the voice, and he mouthed an ‘oh my god’ at you.

“Maybe let me join in next time if you’re going to be so obvious about it. I probably would have lasted more than a minute” the voice belonging to Hoseok whispered again, he lifted his head looking at Jin, then to you and winking.

“Yeah right, maybe next time buddy.” Jin chuckled and rolled his eyes, putting himself back into his pants now and pulling you into him for some cuddles.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Hoseok teased. Though part of you knew he probably wasn’t kidding. For the first time your mind imagined a scenario of all of these men at once and you, all of them standing naked worshipping your body and touching every inch of you. You smiled and felt a warmness grow in your cheeks while you pictured it. It was a selfish thought, but now it was stuck in your mind all the way until you drifted to sleep in Jin’s arms

----------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning your group decided to do another patrol of the city, Hoseok had suggested venturing out a little further than your own neighborhood. He felt the best strategy was just to get in the middle of things and hope for the best. Jungkook seemed terrified of that idea, but being the youngest he tended to try and hold back from arguing too much decisions that the others made.

Namjoon agreed as long as Yoongi was alright with it. Which he was.

As the eight of you filed into the garage and to the car, Yoongi pulled you aside from the group for a moment.

He had grabbed your arm to pull you away and your heart fluttered wildly at his touch.

“So I was caught up to speed on everything that happened after I left yesterday.”

You felt slightly embarrassed that he now knew you’d been with Taehyung and Jimin, and possibly he now knew about Jin, considering that you two weren’t as quiet as you’d thought.

“Oh?” you stared at him wide eyed.

“ Yeah. So. Just…” Yoongi stuttered, then paused a moment

“Just, try not to break their hearts while you make rounds fucking the entire group. That’s the last thing we need here trying to win this war” he grumbled.

It seemed like that wasn’t what he had planned to say when he first pulled you aside, maybe he had meant to use kinder words, or even talk to you about the fact that you had said you loved him. Yet, instead, staying true to all his previous interactions with you, he was simply cold and mean.

You frowned and nodded as he stomped away to the drivers side of the car and got inside, slamming the door behind himself. You could see him mouth something to himself as he ran his hands through his hair nervously and quickly.

Jimin now approached, offering you a helping hand as the two of you got up on the trunk beside Jungkook.

“So you and Jin now too huh?” He smirked.

“Ahhh shit, did everyone hear?” you groaned

“Yeah…” Jungkook said on the other side of you. You sighed and shook your head.

“Do you really want all of us like that?” Jungkook spoke almost inaudibly, not meeting your eyes as he talked. You thought for a moment, and figured it’d be best to be honest.

“Yes…” you answered “Yeah. I do.”

“Even me?” Jungkook squeaked. The innocence in his voice made you smile. And you could hear Jimin chuckle on the other side of you.

“Yes even you Kook”

He instantly became extremely shy and embarrassed, which was honestly incredibly adorable to you.

“Maybe some time we can, huh?” you told him. Now you were picturing it. Sweet Jungkook moaning underneath you, eyes wide as he came from the pleasure that you’d give him...

He nodded, still avoiding your eyes. How cute.

-----------------------------------------------

Things were eerily quiet as your team drove around the buildings of Red Brick. The other prisoners still kept in their houses, trying to avoid any crossfire.

The car was now reaching the church, and you felt yourself tense up. You knew he’d be there, right at the top like he was before.

“Can we go down this street?” you yelled out, pointing to a street with a lot of tall shops and buildings and looking like a ghost town with no one working or shopping.

You saw Yoongi shrug and do as you suggested. You let out a sigh of relief at not having to drive past the tower where you knew Vulcan sat.

As your team's car drove down the abandoned streets a loud revving sound rang out from above. You looked up to the buildings to see an older man on top of a building, sitting tall and confidently on a motorcycle looking down at you. His team also stood there, all older men, each of them looking at least 60 or older, with long gray hair and grey beards. The servant grinned and let out a loud belly laugh upon seeing you. His hands clutched the handlebars of his sparkling motorcycle, red and white with blue stars decorating it.

His voice boomed out loud, echoing down the whole street. Almost as if he was speaking for the cameras and for the audience. His showmanship was definitely apparent. He seemed to be from a much later time in the world than you had lived.

“Gather round ladies and gentleman. For my next trick, I will jump from this building, taking out the legendary Aphrodite. One step closer to winning the escape war.”

His long red white and blue cape flew in the wind.

The rider servant.

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #jimin x reader #jin x reader #jungkook x reader #namjoon x reader #taehyung x reader #hoseok x reader #yoongi x reader #bts au #fate/bangtan #jin smut #btssmutclub #btswriterscollective

202 notes · View notes

negasonicimagines · 6 years

Text

To Be Everywhere is to Be Nowhere

request: Hi hi hi!! i love your writing and im so glad that i get to read it! could i request a headcannon ( or imagine or one shot or something) yukio's ex and not over her so ntw threatens the ex i feel like negasonic would be possessive and yukio finds it cute 😀😀

notes: this is the yukisonic I accidentally read as poly! Sorry to the requester, but I only write x reader stuff. So, reader is the ex! Wrote most of this while listening to Thrice’s album, To Be Everywhere is to Be Nowhere. Also, if you don’t like coffee, pretend you just made it for Jessica and that you’re having tea or hot chocolate! (I myself do not like coffee.)

warnings: Reader is from the same place as Neena and Russell, & it’s discussed in this piece. Therefore, allusions to past torture and PTSD.

You had a peculiar mutation. The ability to find anything, since you were a kid.

Sometimes, though, things find you.

Neena, a woman who lived in the same facility as you, did, and requested your help.

“Luck? Finding things? These are not goddamn superpowers!” Wade, the leader of the team, had cursed. And yet, you two were lucky enough to find a way to fight the assholes you were fighting.

You both meet up with the rest of the group, taking on the Juggernaut, and that’s when you notice her.

“Yukio?”

“Y/N,” she responds, looking as surprised as you feel.

“I assume you two know each other?” A rather hot girl wonders.

“Yeah. Y/N, this is Ellie, my girlfriend.”

“Not bad,” you say, before conveniently finding a way to not be looking at them as the tightness in your throat increases. You find the chink in Juggernaut’s armor, and he goes down.

All’s well that ends well. Right? Wade’s the hero, finds his family, and you get to go back to Alias Investigations and tell Jessica about the wild pro bono work you did today.

“Stay,” Yukio requests.

You can’t find a way to say no to her, and she takes your hand.

“Let me text Jessica and tell her I’ll be late tonight.”

Yukio looks hurt for a moment, and you realize she thinks Jessica is your girlfriend. Not the worst thing someone’s thought about you, so, you don’t explain who Jess is. Maybe you just hope that she feels the same way as you do.

You follow her to the jet, and it takes you all to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.

“So, Y/N. Y/N...L/N?” Ellie asks. It’s dinnertime. You nod. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Nothing too bad, I hope.”

“Nothing bad at all,” Ellie replies, but you sense a bitterness to her tone.

Your phone buzzes. It’s Jessica, texting you that she’s on her way to pick you up.

“Well, I’ll probably be going a bit after dinner. Jess is on her way here.”

“You can’t stay the night?” Yukio wonders, and both you and Ellie shoot her confused looks.

“Why, ‘Kio?”

Ellie twitches at the nickname, confusing you.

“Well, it’s just that we haven’t seen each other in so long…” she says, looking at you hopefully.

“I really shouldn’t, Jess is already on her way. Maybe some other time.”

Ellie sighs in relief.

You text Jessica: Plz speed

Jess🖤: Why? lol

Y/N⭐️: Awkward situation. With THE ex

Jess🖤: ok ok I’ll be there ASAP

“Who’re you texting?” Yukio asks.

“None of your damn business,” Ellie jabs. You had figured she was too cute to be true.

“Hey,” you scold. “Don’t talk to her that way.”

“Oh, coming from the chick who abandoned her.”

“I needed to work on myself so I could be a good partner to her. I told ‘Kio that. She found someone else in the meantime. I am perfectly fine with that, she had a right to,” you disagree.

“Perfectly fine? Hence the longing stares between you both, her begging you to stay the night, and-“

“Ellie. Seriously, I’m happy for you guys. Take a goddamn chill pill,” you cut her off, sick of her being right.

“No!” She argues, standing up from her chair. You stand up from yours, ready to respond if she tries anything. She shoves you into a wall, hands around your wrists in a literally burning grip. You kick at her, but to no avail, she’s got you stuck. “Don’t you ever come near Yukio again, or I’ll beat the fucking sh-“

“Oh hell no!” Jessica, your guardian angel, discovers the confrontation. She plucks Ellie off your with ease, tossing her aside. Ellie gets up, and you’re sure she’s sore all over. Jess lifts her. “And don’t you ever come near Y/N, or I’ll beat the fucking shit out of you.”

“Whoa, Jones, threatening kids isn’t very nice,” Wade says as her stumbles upon the situation.

“Look!” Jessica exclaims, lifting your arm to show one of your very burned forearms. The air stings it, and you hiss.

“Oh, that wasn’t very nice of her. Let’s go talk to Colossal Hall Monitor, he’ll know what to do.”

Jessica rolls her eyes but begrudgingly agrees.

After that discussion, you find yourselves in Xavier’s office. The old man’s already in pajamas, but he still acts at the judge of the trial.

“Well, she was flirting with my girlfriend!” Ellie protests.

“She shoved my- my person into a wall and burned her arms!” Jess, just as much fire and fury within her, argues.

“It sounds as though an inappropriate action was taken, and met with an inappropriate, but understandable, response. Ellie, apologize to Ms. Jones and Miss L/N. They are guests here and should be treated as such.”

“But- Fine. I’m sorry,” she says. It’s not genuine, you know.

“It’s okay,” you lie.

“It’s n-“ Jessica stops when she sees your expression.

“Jess, I just wanna go home and tend to these- Things.” You couldn’t bear to call them wounds, to verbally admit weakness.

“Yeah,” she quietly responds. “Let’s go, then.” She takes your hand and you follow her all the way out of the house and to her car.

You two eventually make it home, and she rinses off your burns before cleaning and bandaging them.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner, that I was there to- To protect you,” she apologizes, and you embrace her.

“You were,” you reassure her. “You were.”

You release her, knowing prolonged physical contact isn’t her thing. You both brush your teeth while you’re in the bathroom, and she goes to her own room to change into PJs. You do the same, but in the bathroom, before exiting. You pull the futon in the living room out, into bed form.

Jessica exits her room in sweatpants and a tee shirt, sitting at her desk.

“Oh, another case?” You wonder.

“Yeah, but I can brief you tomorrow. Rest up,” she says, and you know better than to argue. You get your bedding out from underneath the futon, where you stored it during the day, and get cozy. Listening to the sounds of the clicking laptop keyboard and Jessica’s clinking glass of whiskey, you are soothed to sleep.

“No, no, I’m not wicked, I-“ you shoot straight up with a shout, arms still stinging. In your dream, you were being branded by- By them.

You take a quick shower, the lack of hot water encouraging you to be speedy. You continue the rest of your typical morning routine, and by then Jessica has woken up. You already made coffee. It’s nice to be in a routine that you have chosen, you’ve recently realized.

“Morning,” Jess says, taking the pot and filling the mug. You both enjoy your beverages in mugs you got for each other last Christmas. “Another nightmare?”

She knows you too well.

“Yeah.”

“I could’ve taken that little bitch,” she reminds you.

“I know, J. I know. You can take anyone. But… She’s right. I do still have feelings for Yukio, and I think Yukio still has feelings for me. Me hanging around sabotages their relationship. Even if ‘Kio invited me.”

“Well, if Yukio invited you, maybe she wanted her relationship to be sabotaged,” Jess reasons.

There’s a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” you tell her, and you do. It’s Ellie.

“I come bearing gifts,” she quickly says, brandishing a plate of cookies and lemonade. “Yukio made them, so they’re not poisoned,” she says, huffing out an awkward scoff.

“Thanks.”

“I just wanted to say that I’m genuinely sorry. I- I shouldn’t have done what I did. I was just jealous. Yukio normally likes it, but this time… I know she still has feelings for you, and you for her. She talks about how great you are all the time, and it just makes me feel... I don’t know. I always thought it was insecurity, and then I realized it was also longing. For someone like you.”

“Seriously? That ‘I hit you because I like you’ bullshit? Fuck off!” Jessica demands.

“No, let her speak,” you disagree.

“Like- Like that. You’re patient. And- I know this is weird, especially after last night, but I was just wondering… Would you want to try to work something out? Between you, and Yukio, and me?”

“You know what?” You look over Ellie. She’s cute, protective, and willing to admit her own faults, eventually. You could do worse. “Yeah. I think I would like that.”

36 notes · View notes

cececils · 7 years

Text

So going under his tag on tumblr after not watching him for a year i decided to finally say how i feel about onision because it’s the internet and im allowed to put in my input on why i unsubbed and stayed away from Greg.

So i was about 14~ when i first subscribed to him, i was young and he seemed to be funny to me and he liked anime and had views i could kinda of agree with, and he loved Andy and at the time i was OBSESSED with Black Veil Brides. I was learning to except myself as trans and even till today i dont like republicans so those videos were funny to me too. but then as i kept watching him and grew older i realized some things were off.

1.) His idea of being superior to everyone else because he’s vegan. Listen im vegan too more because i have no choice im lactose intolerant, eating meat makes me sick something to do with my body rejecting the bacteria, and im allergic to eggs. I literally have no choice. I have non vegan and vegan friends. But not once do i tell my friends that theyre dumb and shit for eating meat. Their lifestyle their choice hell if i could without getting sick id love to eat a cheeseburger again in my life. But watching his videos i got off put on how superior he made himself to others over a diet choice for someone in his thirties im just so surprised he wastes his time on that dont tell people they are wrong for wanting to not be vegan?

2.) Riding on the last point how he treats medically obese people is terrible. It’s one thing to be concerned for people’s health but dont sit there and make fun of them. My aunt had a thyroid problem and it makes her overweight and she works her hella hardest to lose weight but she just cant, she is vegan and works out when she’s not at work or trying to get some sleep but she’s still overweight. I’d hate for him to make fun of someone like her when he has no place to that and i remember him saying something about muffin tops and honestly? He has no place there, we all cant be small like Taylor.

3.) His and Taylor’s relationship. They’ve denied he’s abusive but at the same time they’ve admitted to so much shit happening between them.Their age when they first started dating is already a problem and the whole thing with Billie was the shittiest excuse for a poly relationship i’ve ever seen. As someone who is poly i have to say that was so bad. And as a side note i used to be subscribed to Taylor too because i was so happy to find an agender youtuber! But they try being a kid and it is giving us such a bad rep they want sympathy for something they can leave my mom did with four kids it was hard but you absolutely can leave and they do have chances to with safety, not only that but Greg was in every video of hers i clicked on and it made it seem like he either had to be in the spotlight or she wasnt allowed to make a video alone. :/

4.) His harassment of other youtubers. Stop making videos about Social Repose, stop talking about Eugenia , leave Shane alone and mos importantly LEAVE DAN ALONE. I dont like the first two just because they arent my type pf youtuber, my partner likes Shane but im ok with him, im subscribed to his boyfriend though, but i feel bad for Dan it literally made me uncomfortable how he talked about Dan and now looking back how he talked about Andy wasn't any better.

5.) He made so many videos with the title just saying he was quitting youtube but he’s still there?

6.) It really made me feel like shit when his early videos and even the last ones i seen was him saying his fans basically were shit and he was the best and if we didnt like it then we could leave, but then as people left he got pissed? Im sorry but you are catering to the masses as your job and so if you want to keep making money then dont tell the masses you basically hate them.

7.) Im turning 17 soon so i look back and realize that the body rating was horrible. Not only would you make young girls hate their body by saying shit about their body that YOU dont like without saying like to not take your opinion seriously but like they were my age and the more i thought about it th more i realized how gross that is. Like im still under 18 and most of them are too i still dont want a grown man rating my body, and yes they turned it in but he is the adult he should say no because most were of noticeably young girls.

8.) Religion. Listen when i was younger i agreed with him on religion and im still an atheist but ill be damned they day i tell my friends praying for safety or something nie or giving me a prayer that they are wrong or dumb, thats what they believe in and even if i find it useless they think theyre doing a good thing for me and so why should i stop them?

9.) His kinks and bringing them forward. Listen you know you have kids watching and even then not everyone wants to see you in a diaper on Twitter. Dont talk about your daddy kink just dont. You’re thirty.

10.) Even the most recent picture on his Tumblr right now makes him look crazy af and honestly he reminds me of my dad when he was losing it before he died.

11.) Shitting on Walmart shoppers. It’s a store leave them be.

12.) Refusing to take criticism.

So thats what i had to say and what i could remember to say off the top of my head, thats why i stopped watching him not long after i turned 16. I used to support him so much but i just cant anymore, i agree with the basics of things he brings up like feminism but he’s such a bad and abusive person at the end of the day i really cant and just being curious about maybe resubscribing and then seeing what he’s up to and finding such bad shit i just cant. I was always afraid he’d put this in a video so i tried not to say anything but at this point maybe he could listen or maybe he’ll make a joke and keep going while not giving a shit. It’s his choice.

If you want to add on you absolutely can.

#onision #anti onision #laineybot #anti laineybot #onion boy #uhohbro

72 notes · View notes

sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 3 years

Text

I cant stand men...

I think the fucked up thing about being with a sex addict, after you break up with them your body still expects the same rush effect you had with them.

The higher the libido I adapted to and the darker grimmer sex toys ...maybe may have made me one too and I have to guardian of the galaxy's my vagina or otherwise this bitch would have fucked more souls for lust out of anger for not being in a loving committed relationship with someone who cares about her and doesn't look at her as just as sexual object, but also wanting to get choked, spit on, bit, and aggressively fingered/fucked from behind by someone she thinks she can trust....

Until its too late....repeating the doom and gloom cycle regretting the taste of cum in her mouth...YOUU PSYCHOOO

And this is why we're waiting and still looking for a girlfriend, the rush goes away and im done looking at the neanderthal because what I truly wanted was a pretty face ass girl with a smart mind, going back to school or already got a degree, does what she wants to make her happy, and knows/respect each others values AND VALUES KEEPING THE LOVE ALIVE IN A RELATIONSHIP

DUDES I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 IM LOOKING AT YOU AS SEXUAL OBJECTS TOO BECAUSE THATS HOW YOU FUCKTARTS TREATED YA GIRL ON THE APP AND IN REAL LIFE...SO YEA FUCK NIGGAS AND FUCK DICK, I CAN BUY MY OWN AND/OR GROW MY OWN SO FUCK YEA, FUCK THAT.

My respect for men has gone down so much this year after realizing the evil lil bratty shits some people made and now their fucking us up. I dont even want to date a guy or suck another dick. I felt so revolted at how I just tasted his nut and he wasn't even my partner nor did I even want to date him.

Im demisexual, but Im also pansexual. But that might change to poly sexual cause guys you are at the bitter end....if i see too many instances of the same shit, my guard goes up. Strike 3, you're out.

I dont give over 25, cause Ive talked to at least 100 guys or more on these apps and they just dumbfounded me at how similar they were. I began to wish that men were more like women, admiring our beauty, then trusting enough to find out your personality, hobbies, what school or major you wanna study, and what is your goals in life and do you see yourself getting married 10yrs from now? Do you want kids? And how many? Beach house or lake house?

Men....if only you're mind was like picasso and you intrigued me to think more...not less or in more ways to avoid you.....then maybe yes.

But i hate a hairy face, bushy moustache, and i hate sucking dick without a title because guy is way more thicker than girl cum plus it makes my tongue get dry mouth because it tastes like too much baking soda like momma used to put in her biscuits.

And I've only sucked 3......and one didn't cum....

I dont even count that one cause him and his beautiful lake house looked like a homeless shelter with pizza boxes and cat litter everywhere.....like how the fuck could you ruin a house that big, on a lake? By yourself?

And I only cared about one of those dicks...

Its like im actually scared to say, I'd rather just kiss you.....without a moustache and you have you eat out my pussy and maybeeeeeeeeeeee bite the tip of the nipple...but thats it.

I dont even trust a guy behind me bro, y'all getting gay-bro zoned legit. Nothing below the belt im sorry, lol trauma.

BUT I DONT WANT NO DAMN BABY RN. FUCK THAT ACCIDENTAL GOT YOU PREGNANT SHIT AND NO I DONT WANT TO TAKE BIRTH CONTROL THATS GONNA FUCK UP MY BODY, MAKE ME SICK, AND LOSE HAIR FOR YOU....JUST FOR YOU TO CUM

CAUSE IM NOT INTERESTED IN DICK LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

I'LL WATCH, BUT THATS IT. DONT EVEN TOUCH ME OR LOOK AT ME WITHOUT PERMISSION HOE.

I feel like a weirdo, because Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Johnny Depp, and Leonardo DiCaprio are pretty enough to look at, but wouldn't like kissing them.

Jimin from BTS..mmmm maybe cause he's beautiful and so is the rest of them, but im not as attracted to Jhope or Jin or even sexually Taehyung, he reminds me of like a brother vibe. Me and Tae could be singing bros.

Im more into trans and women than I am guys.

And im done with this disrespectful view of me because I am a female with a soft, cute voice and a chubby baby face with slanted almond eyesmile. I dont like people looking at me, especially with the intentions of sex just because i look good to them.

Like why cant you just say hey nice shirt like us girls do?

Its annoying as hell.

0 notes

jemsboner · 7 years

Text

post lord of shadows thoughts and predictions

okay time to round up all this shit in one post. this is still all over the place though sorry, it’s in no order just writing shit down as it comes to me. this is going to be super long and spoilery so it’s under a read more

1. I enjoyed Lord of Shadows much more than Lady Midnight. LM was good but it felt very bogged down in character and plot introduction, not its fault it had a lot to introduce lmao. Wasn’t super excited to read los after lm cause it wasn’t that memorable, but now I’m dying for Queen of Air and Darkness. 2. Since LM was (I’m pretty sure been a while) told exclusively through the older kids povs, ty and livvy felt super young despite only be 2 years younger than Julian and Emma, but they really felt like teenagers who are just tired of being treated and seen as children in this one. 3. Um I really feel for Malcolm. Like a lot. Listen I know he went a little of the deep end there, but no one could argue against that he loves Annabel more than anything. All the diary entries and the house he built for them honestly kill me. I really don’t believe he left her alone on purpose which makes me sad because Annabel died believing he betrayed her and that was one of the reasons she killed him. I’m excited to see him before he knew the truth about Annabel in TLH. 4. Speaking of Annabel holy shit. Something is definitely not right with her. I like how powerful she is and she was pretty endearing at the end, she actually kind’ve reminds me of cecily. also I’m dying cause I just remembered while writing this that everyone thought that Livvy looked alike Annabel kill me. I definitely didn’t think she meant to do what she did at the end, obvs an explanation is not an excuse 😏, but she lashes out and then gets scared. she seems to regret killing livvy the moment after it happens and I’m interested to see how this affects her. 5. So I guess with no inquisitor that exile thing is not gonna work. but I still believe that cortana will have something to do with breaking the parabatai bond…it can cut through anything after all. 6. Speaking of cutting through anything EMMA FUCKING BROKE THE MORTAL SWORD. LIKE THAT CAN NOT BE GOOD AT ALL. AND WHAT WAS THAT BLACK SHIT INSIDE OF IT??? 7. I’m scared what Livvy’s death is going to do to Julian because the guy has really been slipping down the mental health slope for a while now. not gonna lie, Julian was TERRIFYING in this book. he really doesn’t give a shit about anyone that isn’t Emma or family. also the red flag for me was when him and Emma were arguing and he smashed that glass, like that is not a good way to take out your anger, but I mean Emma immediately puts a hole in the wall so they’re both not the best examples for how to act in a healthy relationship. also, despite what he told Emma, he seems to be absolutely fine with breaking every other parabatai bond just to be with Emma. listen I love Julian but he seems to be slipping a lil into antagonist territory. 8. Not that Emma wasn’t cutthroat either. she didn’t even consider mercy when it came to Annabel, she was gonna slice right through her, u know until the unseelie king spirited her away. 9. Kit and Ty were adorable. also has it been confirmed that they’re the Wicked Power protagonists? because if not I’m p sure they are. 10. I was so happy to be back at the London Institute. I loved all the little tid and tlh hints everywhere (jem and will’s height charts 😭😭😭) um so Bridget is still super alive somehow uuuuhh?? how??? jessamine is a darling brat as usual. love her. also that line where Magnus said they weren’t the first to think to burn down the blackthorn manor?? tlh reference maybe? 11. while Mark/Emma will always hold a place in my heart I really warmed up to Emma/Julian and Mark/Cristina/Kieran. btw I really feel like that’s gonna end in polyamory, I think cc has been wanting to write and actual poly relationship ( I love herongraystairs but I don’t think it technically counts going by only canon) for a while now, and while only Mark/Cristina and Mark/Kieran were introduced in lm, Cristina and Kieran def gotta a lot closer in this book and seemed to have a lot of romantic tension. anyway new ot3. 12. if u know anything about me u know I’M A SLUT FOR JEM AND TESSA. anytime they were mentioned I started breathing heavy. still sad they didn’t actually appear in this one, but it seems set up for them to appear in the final one speaking of… 13. listen I love Magnus and I want no harm to come to him but TESSA IS SICK I CANT DEAL WITH THIS. LIKE CAN HER AND JEM JUST BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY WITHOUT SOME INCURABLE ILLNESS HANGING OVER THEM. and like what other warlocks have been affected??? IS CATARINA OKAY? 14. y'all that guy with green skin has gotta be ragnor there is not doubt in my mind. cc has always regretted killing him and I’ve been waiting for this tree colored man to return for a while now. I want to know why he’s in hiding tho and he like bolted when Magnus showed up on the scene. 15. EY YO FUCK THE COHORT AND FUCK ZARA. at first I thought they were a little too cartoony of villains, like there was no complexity to them, they just seem like straight up douche nozzles all the time, but then I remembered that they’re based off real issues right now and people really do think like this sooo. but like Zara is absolutely the worst, how dare and her awful buddies talk shit to my children. everytime anything came out of her mouth I was like-LETS GO. OUTISDE. RIGHT NOW. TRIAL BY COMBAT, YOU LYING SNAKE. 16. I really loved the seelie and unseelie courts and their differences. like I agree cc is a little long winded, but her writing has greatly improved since CoB and it really showed in this one for me. I like the unseelie king and I hope we get to see more of him in the next book, and maybe more of Kieran’s brothers, wouldn’t want to let all those cute faerie boys go to waste. 17. as much as I hate to say it, I’m p sure that the seelie court member that was stolen by the unseelie was Sebastian’s and the seelie queen’s kid. LIKE I HOPE IM SO WRONG AND THAT THAT FUCKING KID DOESNT EXIST BUT ALL SIGNS SEEM TO BE POINTING TO HELL CHILD. 18. speaking of Sebastian, the way cc was talking about him before los came out, I was really expecting something big about him to happen, like his ghost (or demon seed ugh) he was barely even mentioned except closer to the end there. 19. oh yeah I can’t believe Clary’s dead???? like I’ve never been a big fan of clary or jace but the way she talked about like she’s already accepted it killed me. like if this happens it’s going to ruin jace. 20. I’ve become very endeared to Dru throughout los, I think she’s my fav blackthorn besides Julian. she’s chubby which is fucking GREAT and tho the whole pretend I’m not 13 thing with Jaime made me a lil uncomfy, he didn’t really flirt with her or anything and their friendship was really cute. it seems to me cc is setting her up with that Ash kid that appeared for 2 seconds. YO @emmascxrstairs JUST ROCKED MY WHOLE WORLD AND SAID THAT ASH IS THE DEMON SPAWN AND IM MAD BECAUSE OF COURSE HE IS LMAO FLEW RIGHT PAST ME. 21. that’s one thing that kills me with cc books, is that other than the main romances it’s usually super easy to tell who ends with who, and that she feels the need to pair EVERYONE OFF. lmao I was actually wondering why a love interest hadn’t been introduced for Livvy yet (Kit doesn’t count cause after that first kiss, it was real obvs him and ty were gonna be the thing) and then she died and I was like…oh…that’s why. 22. like many predicted, Diana is trans and im crying she’s amazing. her and Gwyn caught me off guard but I’m not gonna lie, they’re really cute. 23. also omg I just thought with livvy dying, what if Julian blames it on himself and the parabatai curse kill me. 24.so yeah all in all 👌👌👌 very good would recommend. now time to get fucking pumped for the last hours

#feel free to ask me about anything but i think i covered fucking everything lmao #lord of shadows #the dark artifices #the mortal instruments #los spoilers

18 notes · View notes