#im somehow still. not closing myself off entirely

[lhrry]

x

[rafeandonlyrafe]

strictly professional

words: 500

warnings: 18+ only, smut, male receiving oral, model!rafe, agent/manager!reader, semi public sex

“im only doing this for you once, okay?” you clarify as you sink down to your knees.

“i can handle it myself.” rafe grunts out.

“except you haven't. i got them to delay the shoot by an hour and you still come out with a boner. if you want to be a successful- and rich- model, you can't act like this.” you take a deep breath as you bring your hands to rafes thighs. “as your agent, im going to help you because im not losing my cut from this shoot just because of your dick.”

you don't give rafe anymore time to argue and pull his pants down to his ankles, taking his underwear with them.

rafes cock springs up, the tip a pinky red that clearly gives away just how long he's been this hard, painfully hard.

you don't give yourself much time to think about it, opening your mouth and dropping your lips around rafe cock. you pause for only a moment to taste him, to flick your head against the leaky slit, before you begin to move.

you only got the photographer and brand rep to agree to an additional thirty minute delay, so you can't spend a minute too long cherishing the moment.

your head starts to rise up and down, almost robotic motions as you repeat to yourself in your head that this is strictly professional.

sure, one of the reasons you got into the model representation industry was to be around hot guys, but you do have a particular knack for management and spotting good potential stars.

you feel rafes hand in your hair, but he doesn't push you down, just an extra pressure to encourage you to keep momentum.

you spotted rafe on vacation in the outer banks, approached him instantly, probably flirted a bit too much, and then handed him your business card. you weren't sure he would reach out, but were pleasantly surprised, clearly enticed by the riches you promised would come his way from his bone structure.

you know his face and body can take him far, if only his body would cooperate. you put all your focus into sucking rafe off. 

you listen to his soft sounds, the way his breathing gets loud and almost turns into moans. you wish in that moment you could really hear him, but there's no way with the entire crew just outside of the door.

you feel the urge to gag but swallow instead, trying to keep it down as you feel rafes cock swell inside of your throat, his length somehow seeming to grow only more.

you close your eyes tightly and push your head forward until your nose nuzzles into rafes skin, throat constricting around his cock as he lets out a low curse. you feel the way his hands tighten first, gripping your hair, and then his cock releases.

you wait for the spurts to subside before pulling off, swallowing thickly and trying to avoid coughing loudly.

you look up at rafe, his blissed out face, knowing your jaw is still slackened, eyes filled with tears.

“thanks.” rafe mumbles, his words bringing you back to your senses.

you wipe your chin and stand up, placing your hands on your hips. “get your pants back on, cameron.” you scold him, voice switching back to your typical agent tone. “the photographer is waiting.”

[awearywritersworld]

the three times gojo thinks he might be in love and the time he knows for sure

gojo satoru x reader summary: title says it all w/c: 1k tags/warnings: ft baby megumi. fluff, then some more fluff. gumi refers to reader as mom. one curse word. brief reference to canon typical violence. a/n: i am ridiculously soft for this man. he needs a hug masterlist check out my latest work for gojo here

the first time it happens, it's the dead of winter and you're both still teenagers. it's the year before the star plasma vessel mission, when everything in gojo's life feels like it's falling into place. he has friends, real friends, for the first time in his life.

you drag him, kicking and screaming (it's all for show, he'd go anywhere with you), out to a snow covered field. you innocently beg him to turn off limitless, and of course he acquiesces, only to be pelted in the face with a snowball.

he throws himself into the snow upon impact, arms flailing dramatically. "i'm dead! you've killed me!"

you join him on the ground, arms out stretched and nudging the fabric of his coat. "hm, then i guess i'll have to drink all the hot chocolate by myself-"

"i have returned to the living realm!!" he shouts, shooting up into a sitting position. "had to fight god for it, told 'im i couldn't bear to leave my (y/n)-chan!"

"oh, you are so full of shit," you accuse with an amused smile.

you gaze at one another as the snow falls around you silently, both somehow feeling warm despite the frigidness of the air. his glasses have slipped down his nose, giving you a glimpse at his eyes. you're thinking about how the flakes blend in with his lashes before melting away entirely. he's thinking that he might be in love with you.

~~~

some time passes before the second instance, which takes place in the spring. gojo makes his way around campus, looking for wherever you and megumi ran off to. the small boy has been attached to your hip ever since gojo brought him home two years ago.

when he finds you, you're both splayed out in the grass and pointing up at the clouds.

"that one looks like a dog!" megumi exclaims excitedly.

"and that one looks like it might be his ball, don't you think?" you question. he agrees wholeheartedly with an enthusiastic nod.

after awhile, megumi sits up, rubbing at his eyes. "can we go inside now, mom?"

there's a split second he doesn't realize what he's said, but when it dawns on him, he looks down right scared. "'m sorry!"

your features soften and your heart soars before you're gathering him up in your arms.

"oh, my sweet boy," you coo.

rocking him back and forth, you hold him for a few passing moments. he hides his face in your chest, his hands gripping onto your shirt as if it's his life line.

you pull away just enough to see his face. you'd do anything to stop the tears swimming in his eyes, just like any mother would. "you can call me whatever you like 'gumi."

"p-promise?"

"yup!" you assure, bopping his nose with your pointer finger. it earns a small giggle.

gojo watches as you rise from the ground, megumi's head now resting on your shoulder and his arms around your neck. you're humming as you walk back toward the buildings.

gojo's legs are like lead and his heart feels as if it's shifted up into his throat. for the first time, he thinks about getting married, about having a family. your face is at the forefront of every image that forces itself into his mind.

~~~

the third time happens in the dead of night. megumi is asleep and the two of you decide to watch a movie, but you're yawning before he even presses play.

you sit so close to him that you can feel the warmth radiate from his body and although you fight to keep your eyes open, you can't help but be lulled to sleep.

he tenses for a moment when your head lands squarely on his shoulder. it seems as if you're both frozen, but then you let out a soft snore as your body shifts and your hand moves to his stomach. he finally relaxes.

your hair had fallen across your face and he pushes it back behind your ear so that he can see you. he tries to ignore the urge to brush his fingers across your cheekbone, or over your bottom lip. he fails.

gojo remains still for hours, and it feels strange to the usually hyperactive man, but he's terrified of disturbing you. terrified that you'll pull away from him and he'll never get to feel like this again.

he lets that stupid movie play through twice, but he spends most of the time stealing glances at you. he does eventually turn the tv off and the only sounds that remain are the trill of summer crickets outside his window and your soft, slow breaths.

he has no idea what time it is when he falls asleep, but when he finally does, he dreams about that day in the snow.

~~~

leaves fall at your feet as the two of you make your way down the sidewalk. every now and then, your fingers brush against his and it makes his heart skip a beat. he wonders (hopes?) if anyone has mistaken you for a couple.

you come across a familiar mansion, one that the two of you exorcised together as teenagers. it feels like a lifetime ago. you stop at the gate, a bronze glint on the ground catching your eye.

crouching down, you brush away shades of orange and red to reveal a memorial for all the people who had died on the once cursed property.

"for the lives that were taken here, and for the lost soul who took them... may they rest now in the afterlife."

gojo scrunches his nose, about to make some comment about how pitiful it was to commemorate a cursed spirit, but the words die in his throat when you look up at him with watery eyes.

"this is so beautiful," you remark, turning back to the engraved words.

he shoves his hands in his pockets, peering down to read over the words once more. maybe he'd missed something?

"this community was so fearful, remember? people lost friends and family here." he nods even though you aren't looking at him, watching how your fingertips move across the words as if you're considering them further. "the spirit scared them and it stole from them, but they still regard it with sympathy and kindness.. it takes strength to do that, you know?"

he feels his chest tighten as he registers your words. for a fleeting instance, he feels like an asshole for ever finding it pitiful, but that was the thing. you have such an easy way about you, a sort of gentleness he had yet to find in anyone else. the time he spends in your company seems like the only respite he ever gets from the horrors of the world.

he hasn't answered you yet, so you look back to him expectantly. "don't you think it's beautiful, 'toru?"

god, he could fall to his knees right then and there. he could roll over and die on the chilly concrete and he'd consider it a privilege to have died by your side.

i love you. i love you. i love you. those are the only three words his brain can muster.

"yeah," he finally chokes out. "it really is."

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF🥳 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST😌 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

[dozing-marshmallow]

waiiit hear me out, chris with a yandere reader headcanons

(also i just realized im just spamming your entire inbox full, my bad actually😭🙏)

Now that’s a rare concept! 😳 You always give fun requests so please don’t worry! Thank you, and enjoy! :)

CHRIS MCLEAN X YANDERE! READER HEADCANONS

Chris can’t help being rich, hot and successful.

So it’s only normal that he’d have a fair, if not, larger share than most people of dealing with fan behaviour, especially of those who made it their life’s purpose to know everything there was to him; fantasies of marriage also being very popular among these goals.

Hence why when you in particular acted up in such way, he didn’t think much about it for he’d already seen it many times in the past.

Besides, he loved the attention. To have someone devote their entire lives to him and see it in action...

“Ohhh Chris! Your body is the sculpture of angels!” 

“Yes it is! Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I want to crush it into a jar and use a bit of your flavour every day as a bar of soap!”

“...”

You are not at all like his past interactions- you’re worse.

From the position of his assistant, which is more sucky on his part, since you were employed by the network itself, so he can’t get you fired easily.

No biggie! He’ll use your maddening devotion to him to carry out his biddings, from something as simple as getting him coffee(never needing to tell you his order) to something as vile as murder.

Yknow with his interns? Yeah. If anyone gets in trouble, it won’t be added to his record.

Somehow, every time he tried convincing himself there was nothing to be alarmed about, you would stray further away from your humanity.

“I can’t wait for you to die so I can take your skin and turn it into my one of a kind Chris McLean duvet! That way, I’ll always feel your warm embrace.”

“Haha yeah... I’ll always feel yours too...”

He nicknamed you “Sierra 2.0”- not to your face.

You understood how loveable your darling was and how he was a necessity to the world than you were to him.

Buuuut you would appreciate something in return if you were going to do all this for him in such a close proximity.

“I’ll give you a suuuuper big peck on the cheek if you do this right. You know how happy it’ll make me.” he winked.

Well, besides from that.

It was like he died already!

“Oh Chris... Why are you holding out on me? Is there something new about you that I have yet to learn? Why do you hesitate to love me? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

“Kinda. Stalkers aren’t really my type, but please, don’t stop the attention.”

“Stalker?! No no Chris. I’m not a stalker! I’m your true love! I’ve torn myself apart to serve you as the noble thing you are! I worship you morning and night, I lick your dirty laundry clean, I give you the organs of everyone you ask of in heart shaped boxes, I even had one of your interns carve your figure into my back!” You take your shirt off and turn around, revealing the bloodied outline of his perfect body burning in your skin.

Okay, he loved his face being on anything possible.

But what the hell.

“You...love me a lot, huh?” What would happen if he took his sight off you to blink?

You turn back around, with that smile still drooling on your own face,“And it wasn’t just any blade he used... It was the blade you keep on you. So after he was done...I took it and...did things with it... You’re the most beautiful thing on this earth Chris, I can’t imagine how dull it would be if you were never born... I had to have you in me one way or another...”

You know what...

Having a second look, it was actually appealing. Of course it’d be! It’s him. Wait...why was he even freaking out? He doesn’t care about what happens to you! You chose to do this to yourself, in his image, in his honour and he didn’t even need to lift a finger. Exactly! This is just what was expected of a person like you to resort to when they’re constantly around someone as good looking as h-

“Should I have him carve me into you now?” You suggest, face as hot as a Bunsen burner.

“N-No, please! I’m good.” He raised his hands up in front of his chest.

You pause.

“Of course... How selfish of me. I shouldn’t be asking you, my love, to do anything that’s not from your free will. I don’t have the right to trap you or force you to do anything, I can’t do that to someone I love... You’d be selling yourself short if I won you over that easily anyway...” you drop your face into his chest,“Oh Chris McLean... You’re too aristocratic for anybody in this world. No one could ever be remarkable as you. I’m so lucky...I got to be from the same generation as you.”

...He pushes you away,“Yeah...sooo...personal space. Please.”

How ironic it was, a time when you were actually sane kicked in his adrenaline.

Ring ring.

“Yoooo Cody. Codemeister. How you been, buddy? Good? Greaaaat. How’s that therapist? Any good? Cuz I might need you to reference me...”

[moonsidesong]

just caught up with Your Turn To Die and absolutely adored it the whole way through. it goes unbelievably hard. calling it Danganronpa But Good feels like an insult. but like... yeah what if danganronpa was good? or rather. game that makes me wish danganronpa was good.

it really keeps you on your toes the Entire time, which is why i ended up saving like......... every five to ten minutes, most times. i would say the only slower part is the minigames during chapter 2? but, i thought those were fun, and they were still broken up by plot important stuff, so i really didnt mind.

ive heard the game had a soundtrack release on CD a few years ago, but i cant seem to find much information about it? much less any resell listings. how sad... i love cd...

i wanna talk more in depth from here on out so spoilers under the cut! warning thoughts very disjointed. and i havent seen absolutely Everything the game has to offer yet (havent done any of the side stories, we'll do them soon probably) so if my takes are disproven by anything ive yet to see please do not tell me htank you

first off OHHH MY GODDDD THIS GAME IS SO MUCH LESS CREEPY ABOUT THE MINORS AND ITS SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR COMPARED TO DANGANRONPA. its not perfect, of course, i do not entirely love the jokes(???) about keiji (known grown adult man) going on dates with sara (known teenage girl), but like, this game does not make me feel gross all the time? thank u nankidai for not making your teacher character with a close relationship with one of his former students a groomer! the bare minimum! im gonna hit kodaka with a stick this should not be a point in the game's favor.

anyway! ended chapter 2 with Reko and Sou (shin) alive, ended chapter 3 having lost Reko .. . :( shes my favorite... i was so sad... ranmaru we're not friends anymore/.... you suck... you killed my best girl... we um, did make a grand total of 175 save files though, so at some point me and the friend i played with are gonna go back and scrub through anything and everything that we missed. maybe after we do the side stories though, not sure yet. reko yabusame i swear to god i will crawl into the screen and kill ranmaru myself for you. i will save you. i love you so much mwah

for years ive only known midori as The Guy That Kids On Danganronpa Discourse Instagram Put Overdramatic Yet Also Somehow Extremely Haphazard Trigger Warnings on every post that included him, so i was really excited to meet him. and boy he did not disappoint this guys NUTS!!! HES CRAZAY!!!!!!!! he has such a perfectly striking look about him. i love how he almost never stops looking straight at you, and how his suit is stark black so it obscures a lot of his shape when he's in the dark, its so cool. they absolutely nailed the atmosphere whenever you're around this guy.

but the first jumpscare when he like reaches out at you from the coffin just kinda made me laugh. me when i get you

also, if you're this far in to care about my opinions on games you probably know that i am Known Danganronpa V3 Hater. i think in particular Kokichi Ouma is way too good of a character for how dogwater the game's actual plot is, and Shin Tsukimi, while not being the same, obviously, scratches that itch of a guy trapped in a death game that spends all his time lying and living under a persona because he's afraid of dying perfectly While Being In A Game That Doesnt Make Me Feel Like Eating Sheet Metal . i love this dude and his ugly several clashing colors outfit. he wants my ass like mega dead right now but thats not important surely

also, i think its sweet that joe and sara are just best friends and they rarely ever even entertain the idea that they had romantic feelings for each other. i think its extra sweet and tragic that joe was able to tell sara he loved her in the end, meaning it as his best friend. and the way the game completely ceases showing you flashbacks of him after that point and just lets the image of the hallucinations replace his actual memory overtime is so good and haunting. this doubled down by the way her memory of him is completely locked up as soon as she starts trying to actually remember the way he really was, its so good.

i think thats all i have to say for now, but umm!!! really really good im excited to go back and fill in the gaps i missed. especially regarding kanna becasue i have a lot of theories about her that i hope im on the right track about #lol. but even if i dont i want to see her i miss her. yaay!!! i love when video games are good. i love you video games.

ill probably make more posts down the line with more thoughts after i let them marinade in my brain for a while... mostly when i have thoughts ive been sending them to the friend im playing with so we can discuss theories together LOL

[barbieb0y]

where hope lies in a snowless land.

day 5 wowza!!

for day 5 of scrunkly week, i... actually planned to go with all the prompts except what once was will never be again but... i got carried away and somehow that became the only prompt i wrote about ???????? dude i swear theres just smth that possesses my fingers when im writing

ngl i projected more than usual here somehow but this is like. hurt/comfort. paper cut has a shitty family and joe comforts him basically. their relationship is more ambiguous too. anyway

“Man, if I wanted to live in a place where there’s no snow during winter, I might as well go back to my hometown.”

Paper Cut quips as he looks up at the sky and reminisces the days he spent at a land oceans away from his current home, one corner of his lips tucked in disappointingly. Unfortunately for the two of them, San Francisco is not known for its snowfall activity. On the contrary, when it does occur, it’s written into the history books.

“Too bad you’re stuck with me, huh?”

Joe’s comment is accompanied by a kick of a rock, then it sinking into the murky city waters, like an extremely discounted version of throwing a coin into a fountain for a wish. Hands in his pockets despite wearing gloves.

“God, Joe, don’t even. I’d choose to be stuck with you over my family any time, any day.”

Paper Cut notices Joe’s very subtle flinching. He must’ve tried to hide it from him. Paper Cut sighs regretfully as he looks at his feet; as he’s sitting on the backrest of the bench, his feet rest on the seat itself.

“...Sorry.”

It’s all he can really say, even though he doesn’t owe it to anyone. And Joe makes this clear in his response.

“It’s okay. Your family members are assholes anyway.”

He’s not factually wrong but it doesn’t make Paper Cut any less guilty. The latter exhales through his nostrils as the former moves to sit on the bench beside Paper Cut.

“Yeah but I’m going against your whole belief, aren’t I?”

Always love your family. That’s number two of Joe’s many street survival rules. Paper Cut admires Joe for his strong beliefs but that rule of his has always made him reluctant to talk about family around him. In a way, Paper Cut considers Joe lucky to even hold that kind of belief, despite everything that happened with him and his sister.

“Maybe less ‘going against’ and more ‘challenging’.”

This comment makes Paper Cut turn towards Joe. Luckily, he doesn’t have to wait long for an explanation.

“Your situation made me think about things.”

Joe simply stares at the water. It is as tainted as any body of water that lies in the middle of an equally tainted city. Yet Paper Cut is not as tainted, despite being part of such a murky family. He dwells on this for a little longer.

“Family… you always have to love your family, yeah. But your family already hates you for something you can’t control. That’s not fair to you.”

Paper Cut struggles to find the words to argue back. Joe leans back in his seat.

“So, uh, it’s understandable if you can’t love them back. If anything, I think it’s good for you that you don’t force yourself to love them.”

Paper Cut appreciates Joe for reconsidering one of his core principles because of him, he truly does, but–

“...That’s the thing, though.”

“Huh?”

Paper Cut begins to move and promptly jumps off the bench entirely. He stands still, gaze lost to the cityscape.

“I don’t force myself to love them… because I already do. I still do, kinda. And it hurts to miss the people that can’t even love you back like you do with them.”

Paper Cut is hunched over now with his hands clasped close to his chest, choking on unshed tears. Joe instantly gets up at this display but Paper Cut simply shakes his head to stop him from laying a hand on him.

“I… I can’t erase our history together. It’s not like I was never happy when I was with them… They did make me happy at some point. But then they threw me out like I was garbage.”

Paper Cut finds himself kneeling on the ground. His heart is aching.

“...I just wished they did it sooner.”

He breaks. The pavement beneath him soaks up his tears emphatically, the only solace it can provide him. Joe has his right hand on his back as support.

“I’m an arcanist, they’re not. So why? Why did they keep me around for so long? Because I was useful? Yet they thought I was a disgusting arcanist anyway.”

Joe locks him in a side embrace now. He doesn’t push him away and simply keeps sobbing.

Eventually, they both sit down on the pavement, despite the presence of a bench right behind them. Paper Cut doesn’t have the strength for such a mundane action as sitting on a bench like a normal person. He was never normal anyway.

They stay like that for a few minutes. Paper Cut sniffs as he pulls his knees to his chest, resting his hands and head on them.

“...Sorry again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. We were just talking about the fucking nonexistent snow here, haha.”

Joe shakes his head at the self-deprecating laugh and brings Paper Cut in for a full hug this time. Paper Cut says nothing. He presses himself closer into Joe. He smells like love.

“It’s okay.” And that is all Joe has to say. Yet it is all Paper Cut needed to hear. Because it is okay. He’s here now with Joe, who has more than enough love to offer.

And - he definitely imagined it but - he can feel snow in his hair.

[stormyoceans]

The clock on the wall of the restaurant was still showing the same time, for the third time Mhok had checked. He glanced down at his phone - no, it hadn't broken; Mhok was just impatient. And his phone screen was blank as ever.

He sighed, and returned to mopping the floor. Maybe all of this hard work would get him a raise soon, if his new boss noticed. That would be worth it.

His pocket began buzzing, and Mhok felt a fond smile beginning before he even had the phone out. Sure enough, the screen was lit with his boyfriend’s name.

"Good evening," he said, warm and low into the receiver. "If you'd like to place an order, I'm sorry, but the restaurant is closed."

Something in Mhok seemed to settle and relax, just hearing his boyfriend’s voice on the other end of the line. "I'm sorry, Phi," said Day, explaining about his family and the unexpected change of their plans.

Mhok had guessed that it would be something like this; actually, it could have been worse. He should probably feel grateful Day could call at all. He hummed, and told him not to worry. "I'll just have to be better next year," he murmured, with a self-deprecating smirk, "so Santa will be nicer to me."

Day's voice dipped a little lower. "Let's say that Santa is listening right now," said the younger boy. "What would you ask for?"

Mhok barely hesitated, certain of the only thing he wanted - the thing he'd want even if he had everything else in the world. "I'd want to be with you right now," he almost whispered, with the ghost of a sigh.

"...The moon is beautiful tonight. Wouldn't you say?"

Mhok's heart leapt into his throat, beating with a sudden wild hope. He wished so much... and there was only one way to know.

He moved instantly to the restaurant doors, pushing them open with firm, calloused hands, and knowing exactly the person he wanted to see.

And for a moment, for just one breath of a moment -

He'd breached a different threshold, in a different place, while something like deja vu made the faint glimmer of hope in his stomach into an endless star-filled canopy, millions of constellations strong. And his steps were uncertain, but his heart knew who to look for... the shape of this memory held a different face, and the word on his lips was a different name, but it was the same moment, somehow, the same longing, the same unbearable separation finally ending, this time for sure, two souls coming home, like magnets across a universe -

He blinked, and the moment was entirely his own, once more. Just a passing thought, an odd trick of the light in the courtyard, and it didn't matter anyway.

Because he saw Day, his Day, just as he'd wished.

"Day," Mhok breathed, his heart full. He swallowed past the sudden knot in his throat, blinking away the tears that gathered inexplicably in his eyes.

"Merry Christmas," said Day, smiling at him.

---

(it's me again, hi 👋 after ep 10 i had to send this too hope you enjoy 🤍)

SLACK JAWED SHAKING OUT OF MY SKIN CRYING SHITTING YELLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH SPINNING COUNTERCLOCKWISE ON THE FLOOR WAILING WEEPING HOWLING SCREECHING EATING GLASS GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST MAKING A LOBOTOMY APPOINTMENT CRAWLING TOWARDS THE EDGE OF THE HIGH RISE BUILDING IM ABOUT TO THROW MYSELF OFF OF ASCENDING ONTO A HIGHER SPHERE OF HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS

ANON IM ONCE AGAIN SAYING THIS IN THE MOST AFFECTIONATE AND ADORING WAY POSSIBLE BUT YOU ARE - INDEED - INSANE. THIS IS MADNESS. LUNACY. DERANGEMENT. LITERALLY CAN WE HAVE A TALK. CAN WE HAVE A CONVERSATION. A DISCUSSION EVEN. YOU DID NOT JUST MAKE MORK HAVE A VISION OF PUEN OPENING THE DOOR OF THE GLASS HOUSE AND FINALLY FINDING TALAY AFTER HE CAME BACK FROM THE OTHER UNIVERSE. AS IF DAY'S SIDE BACK IN EPISODE 4 DIDN'T ALREADY RUIN ME. CURRENTLY IN A DEAD FAINT IN FRONT OF MY SCREEN EXPERIENCING THE ENTIRE RANGE OF HUMAN EMOTIONS LIKE

"the shape of this memory held a different face, and the word on his lips was a different name, but it was the same moment, somehow, the same longing, the same unbearable separation finally ending, this time for sure, two souls coming home, like magnets across a universe" <<< I CAN'T EVEN. FORMULATE [ISABELLE ADJANI TUNNEL SCENE FROM POSSESSION] [FEMALE HYSTERIA] [SUICIDE]

[wrenwreakinghavoc]

I would love to hear your thoughts on Nosk if you ever got the time to erite about it. Your artwork of it was a delight; I loved Ghost being lit up in orange. 10/10 lighting!

First of all - THANK YOU SM FOR THE COMPLIMENTS!! I haven't tried shading like this in. Months, like I said

Second of all

WELCOME TO MY PRESENTATION

(Also thanks for the excuse to draw my Vessel sona)

Don't get me wrong I don't hate Nosk, they're one of my favorite characters in Hollow Knight and media in general. I absolutely adore the concept behind them and the SUSPENSE through those tunnels leading to the big reveal still remains one of my favorite scenes to come back to in HK. The design and concept behind them is very neat and the overall feeling of that first time you enter the arena and see that cutscene is just. Wonderful.

That said, my issues are all about the actual fight. Specifically the attacks.

Nosk has arguably one of the most interesting buildups to a fight in HK, and is in one of the most creepy areas of the game, considering the arena and atmosphere of the fight too, I was expecting this to be a hard boss. I was expecting really difficult and potentially creepy attacks. The OST is one of the most anxiety inducing tracks in the game. Yet the entire fight just amounts to them.. running around? Occasionally jumping onto the ceiling? It feels like a rip off.

Nosk literally only has three attacks and they're all easy to dodge/cheese, if they were just small parts of the fight, it'd be fine, but instead 50% of the fight is just Nosk running across the arena, which is easy to dodge with or without the use of hiding under the platform(still one of the funniest ways to cheese a fight honestly).

Nosk has a bunch of hanging CORPSES in their den, so I thought that maybe they'd have a close up attack where if you got too close it'd trigger them swiping close range, kind of like this:

Extremely low budget explanation but STILL

The attack with screaming and the infection getting everywhere? NICE! Nosk on the ceiling shooting orange juice at you? GREAT! But the fact those are basically the only two good attacks in this fight with THREE really just. It weighs it down for me man.

By this point in the game(I mean I had to Google where Nosk was since I only saw art of them on my first playthrough since they're hidden), plenty of bosses had phases, too. I feel like the fight could've easily been more anxiety inducing if they had a few phases.

For example:

Phase one - same as current fight + close range attack

Phase two - running attack happens less, potential variations of other attacks, speed up things a bit

Phase three - more orange juice, maybe webs(since that's how the other creatures in the background appear to be captured), could potentially do some jumping version of the running attack(like jumping around the arena aggressively making them harder to do damage to without being hit)?

I'm obviously not a game designer, but I do like rambling about things and potential ideas that could happen to make things better.

The Nosk fight on its own isn't even terrible, it's just the fact that it doesn't live up to the buildup of the way to the fight and the cutscene in the beginning, let alone the absolute panic the OST makes me feel.

Oh and don't even get me STARTED on Winged Nosk. HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING LESS TERRIFYING BY ADDING WINGS IM IN GENUINE SHOCK

I know I probably repeated myself a lot and this is very scattered, but I hope that you somehow enjoyed seeing me ramble aggressively about a fight in a silly bug game that I think has issues anyway.

In conclusion Nosk has an amazing concept, design, OST, atmosphere, and some alright attacks, but really could've benefitted from some more attacks/phases.

I wrote more about this fight than I did for my English essay on Thursday so I don't know what that says about me but do with that what you will

[seokjinsonlyone]

ok to add a little more spice, what would you realistically do if you’re trapped in an elevator for a few hours with a bts member of ur choice

im being so fr when i tell you that if im trapped in an elevator with kim taehyung by the end of the first hour i will be in his lap and his tongue will be down my throat like there’s no way you give me that broad of a time all alone with that boy and im not getting in his pants i swear i can seduce him and it would Nawt be hard

as for the rest of them…

actually i’m seducing namjoon too we may do more talking than making out but i think i May be able to get a lil kiss out the deal depending on my cleavage to thigh ratio at the very least however i think he’d definitely be at least a little in love with me like he’d have to write a song about me to get it out of his system if we part ways without a valid means of communication

i think i’d seduce jungkook by accident like hed spend at least 15 minutes hitting things and poking around and talking to the buttons asking them why they’re not working and once he accepts the fact that we’re stuck he’d check on me and i’d just be chilling on the floor and he’d be nosy and then we’d be watching tiktoks together joking laughing we’d eventually be singing all our favorite justin bieber songs and by the time we finally get released we wouldn’t be ready to part ways so we’d hang out some more and yeah he’d be in love with me but he wouldn’t realize it until like 3 months later

it’d be the most awkward with yoongi bc i don’t think he’d make any effort to communicate aside from like the initial check in of my mental and emotional wellbeing after getting stuck he may complain a bit or give the occasional survival tip but other than that he didn’t come in that elevator to make friends and so we’d leave as complete strangers however i do believe that if i outed myself as an army we could yap about bts for the entire time but at the end of it we’d still only have that idol-fan relationship nothing more nothing less

jimin would feel the most awkward out of everyone he’d be acting like how he was during his face live or how he was when hobi was chopping it up with becky g just like visibly out his mind he’d have random silly concerns that he’d voice out like if we’d run out of air and we’d probably spend a good 3-5 minutes searching for an outlet bc his phone is only on 13% but no matter how awkward it starts out i feel like by the end of it we will have bared our souls to each other like i’d come out feeling emotionally lighter bc of the baggage dropped would we ever speak again??? i cannot say for surely but it would def be a story to tell at parties later on for both of us

hobi is so large and in charge i feel like he wouldn’t allow us to be trapped for more than an hour like it’s simply unacceptable so he would somehow get that worked out immediately but i think he’d be so friendly making sure im alright and between his threatening phone calls he somehow manages to get through there’d just be a lot of small talk like we’d be flying through topics like we’re speed dating but they’d be oddly in depth and we’d probably have a date set up to go shopping and get lunch by the time we get out

seokjinnie <333 my brethren in anxiety either i’d have to talk him off a ledge or he’d have to talk me off one bc i been getting claustrophobic lately like straight up panicking if i don’t have enough space but knowing im with mr wwh would probably cure me and we’d use his hotspot to play hello kitty island adventures on my phone until we get out he would consider me a close friend after the encounter and would invite me to his house for dinner two days later

[420technoblazeit]

(this got long sorry)

the crux of the idea is the question “what if sam and dean ran into someone who has only a horror-movie level understanding of the supernatural?” it also plays with the idea of generational hunting, and expands the world of hunters who arent winchesters. its your typical monster of the week episode set in probably the second season. the beats are something like this:

cold open. girl home alone, staying up late. she hears a weird noise coming from upstairs. taking a knife from the kitchen, she goes to investigate. creepy man-looking shadow is up there, tries to attack her. she stabs him with the knife, he vanishes. she realizes that the thing was a ghost and looked like a painting her parents just bought. so she does everything under the sun to trap the ghost. salt ring, metal ring (cobbled together from necklaces and silverware), salt around the entire room including windows and door, a couple googled latin incantations, and a sprinkling of herbs from the spice drawer.

next day. someone knocks on the door. our favorite hunks, sam and dean. theyve been looking for the haunted painting and are posing as art dealers. girl wont sell the painting, says to talk to her parents, wholl be back in a couple days. they cant convince her but none of them say anything about the painting being weird. snd decide they have to steal the painting before the ghost kills her. 

that night. snd are at the house, get to the window of the room where the painting is. see all the assorted protections. door is closed but they can tell someone is behind it in the hall. ghost appears but cant do anything because salt. ghost begins threatening person behind door, person (girl) seems unfazed. snd realize theyve walked in on someone elses hunt and leave. they decide to go back again tomorrow and offer the info theyve already gathered. 

next day. snd at the door again. sam notices some sort of warding/protection symbol, confirming girl as a hunter. girl opens door, snd spill the beans and ask to come in and collab. girl is like wth are you talking about. after some discussion, snd convince her they are not insane and can do something about the homicidal ghost in her house. she lets them in and shows them the setup. its clearly the work of someone who has exactly half a clue what theyre doing, but some stuff is odd. heres more warding symbols around the house and some of the herbs are rare with no real cooking use. she mentions the stabbing/vanishing and they investigate. every knife in the house is either iron or silver. oh, and every room in the house has at least one mega-creepy painting. snd realize that the girl is not the hunter but someone in the house is. they ask about her parents. theyre art dealers who specialize in old paintings, and often go on “scouting trips” snd attempt to gently break the news that girls parents are hunters who probably deal with haunted paintings, but she doesnt want to hear it. she hasnt slept in days because of the ghost in her house and now theyre dropping like six bombshells on her at once. she kicks them out, despite them trying to stay to destroy the ghost. 

i havent got the rest of it properly nailed down but the parents come back, theres a scene where girl confronts parents about being hunters and they fess up. she runs off and snd follow her (they were outside the house). they go to talk to the parents. somehow the ghost gets killed and the paintings still intact (parents genuinely like them). parents promise to never send a haunted painting home when girl is alone and to also train her so she can protect herself if needed. snd drive off and done.

the beginning is definitely better but i kinda ran out of ideas. im pretty sure i wouldnt be able to characterize either sam or dean properly and i also know i wouldnt be able to make myself even begin writing it. also i did not explain it well. thats why i wanted to turn it over to someone else. its rough now but i trust that someone who knows more about supernatural and writing could make it good.

WAIT I FOUND IT. big poggies. also this is a cute idea i feel like ur oc would fit right in w/alex and claire and all of jodie's other kids. there's plenty of spn fanfic writers who im sure woud b thrilled to write a fic for u if u wanted to commission them!

[djarinova]

sweetest em !! i hope life and the world and everything in it has been treating u well tehe <33

i am appearing like a little stray cat at your doorstep to ask about a mr mandalorian... please tell the great story of how u and din met + any cute hcs u would like to share ⸜(｡ ˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ i wanna know more abt u guys !!

ahhh ada!!! 🫶 thank you much much for the well wishes tehehe i appreciate them very much <3 sending you hugs rn

i am petting your stray cat form and granting your wishes because i very much want to gushhhh about my most beloved husband<3 and i thank you for this opportunity (it's a long one folks so buckle up<3)

okay so, i was working in a small cantina on the outskirts of the town i lived in (i have no specific place names atm bec i have not delved that far into my specific lore yet tehe). it was not the roughest pub in the neighborhood but it was rough enough that when din came in looking to collect a bounty quite a few people looked uncomfortable (almost like they thought it couldve been a bounty for them). the guy din was looking for was sat right up at the counter closest to me and as soon as din got close and disclosed his business and said that he was going to bring the guy in I could tell there was going to be fight. somehow i end up twigging it exactly at the right time and i jumped down onto the floor just a blaster fired toward the shelves behind me. it was a rather intense 10 minutes and then suddenly the two men were gone. which i felt weirdly sad about for some reason... but before i could really figure out why i felt like that my boss was yelling at me to clean up the broken glass, as if it was my fault.... and i said to myself right then that there was just no way i could work there anymore. so i quit haha. and that was how we, well..maybe not "met" as we didnt really say a word to eachother but that was the first time we ever saw eachother.

our entire relationship is very very slow burn though. it was almost 8 weeks after the bar incident until i saw him again and then a further couple of months until we had a steady friendship and even at that point i still hadnt seen the razor crest, let alone live on it...

i can definitely give you some cute hcs tehehe, lets bullet point them real quick

1) he brings me something every single time he comes back from a bounty collection or a trip somewhere (gifts ranging from a rock he thought I'd like to a plant I'd been asking about to a bracelet or necklace to a bunch of flowers)

2) he was the one to confess to me first. I was always scared that I'd misread his feelings or that i was only seeing what i wanted to see, and it wouldve taken me a long long time to finally get the courage to tell him how i felt (although it still took a long long time because HE was also worried about misreading me and making me uncomfortable ahdjdkdk)

3) we sit together every morning that we're together and have breakfast (although breakfast is a bit generous as he usually doesn't eat and im much too tired for food so i just grab a hot drink and sit close to him)

4) we had a lot of very serious conversations fairly early on in our relationship (before he'd even fully taken his helmet off in front of me) because we both wanted to be as clear as we could with our intentions and avoid any miscommunications that might have lead to regret (i especially wanted to make sure he never felt any pressure from me in regards to seeing his face, i wanted him to know that i was happy to wait as long as i needed to)

5) his favourite petname for me (besides beloved of course) is moonlight 🥺 he called me his moonlight one evening when we were laying together and i swear i almost died! it was so cute:(

this was TOO fun 🥺 thank you for letting me talk about my wonderful husband <3

[polyamorouspunk]

kfbdmbddmnd I know its not sleepover fridays where you take these kinda of asks so you can either hold onto this until then or not, no huge deal, I just wanted to get this off my chest and im realizing this may sound incomprehensible lmao. so!

I may have issues with my first ever relationship, of any incredibly intimate/pseudo-romantic kind, and I’m worried that I may have fucked up.

I’m in a pretty heavy duty qpr with this person (if I had to call it anything it would be qpr, they’re more married to the term than I am.) and have been for about 7/8 months now. it was Incredibly Intense sparks between us, instant insanely high attachment insanely fast. they described our initial few conversations weeks after the fact as borderline spiritual, neither of us really believe in soulmates but they felt like they must have known me in a past life. we’re both polyamorous, and they’ve been engaged to someone else for quite a bit before they met me (for reasons, they’re on rocky-ish terms rn but still together), and one time they looked me dead in the eye and said if they weren’t already promised to someone they’d want to marry me. I have been this persons seemingly sole emotional rock this entire time, my dms are a dumping ground for everything from soul crushing existential dread and breakdowns to the newest fixation to the latest crushes.

at first I was on board with how fast we’ve been going, trying to match their energy. they have years more experience than I do with polyamory which initially I’ve been deferring to just like experience wise while I’ve just read more ethical non monogamy/polyamory theory. im on the aroace spectrum, ive been really up front with my stance on amatonormativity and that kind of thing, whatever pace works for us works we just gotta keep tabs on our comfortability and energy. but like. hm. it’s clear that I’m the one with all of the emotional maturity and regulation.

when they said they’d want to marry me when they were already engaged felt like a red flag at the time, esp since I knew that they were going through a rocky period with their fiancé. they started So intense So fast that. I sorta feel like it’s fucked with my brain chemistry. to the point where now I feel like hopping out the gate with “I must have known you in a past life” in this very “stay with me forever” sort of way while only really knowing each other for a Month is also sort of a red flag in hindsight.

now heres the thing though. I have been matching this intensity, learning new things about myself and how my own attraction works, but like, my trust will be broken by them somehow and I’ll plummet through almost half the stages of grief and have a Hell of a time trying to feel the same kind of close to them that we started out as, I explain my grievance, they have a breakdown why they’re a bad person I assure them this isn’t the case, we just gotta improve behavior, and then they’re back to normal.

there’s small things like us discussing relationship terminology, telling each other that partner sounds good, but then in public they introduce me as their friend. or asking for privacy concerning my mental health stuff I tell them and then later find out they told like 4 other partners and qpps with out me knowing.

or the larger things like one time I was depressed so we planned a date like 2 weeks in advance, talking about it basically every day. but the night before they had an impromptu one night stand with an acquaintance, spammed my messages with gushing about this new sort of relationship, how great the sex was, including pictures I Did Not Ask For, and how they’ve never felt this way before. I was initially surprised at this deluge of stuff but ok, I was feeling happiness for them, I do get a lot of compersion, but also felt it was a lil weird.

when we actually meet up, they spend the Entire date talking about this other person. Everything. Not once do they ask about my day or talk about anything else. at one point they start physically flirting with me but then get distracted with talking about how the other person would touch them and then said that they’re still worked up from them.

I am viscerally uncomfortable, almost dissociating. I try to change the subject and they just blithely switch it back to them after a few minutes. later when I told them about how this made me feel, they had a breakdown about how they’re a bad person and don’t respect anyone. which while empathetic, is unhelpful. I can’t comfort them through an issue I’m having with them.

so I guess my question would be how the fuck do I deescalate a relationship like this. I like them, I like spending time with them, but they don’t show me any thoughtfulness at all and my boundaries are encroached upon with zero self awareness.

Okay yeah so I’m sensing some like. I’m not going to say “borderline behaviors” because like there are a variety of mental illnesses that have similar symptoms, but as someone with BPD I’m going to say “bpd symptoms” because they’re similar to ones that I would have.

Anyone that uses “I’m such a bad person” is not in a good headspace. I don’t remember the last time I’ve gone on the “I’m such a terrible person” rampage but whenever it was it was because I was throwing a pity party and that is exactly what it is. No one who is throwing out the most guilt trip line of all time like that is in a good headspace or mature. Now I mean like I’ve said “what if I’m a bad person what if I need to be better” and that’s different. I’ve said that recently and it led to “maybe I should go back to therapy and work on myself” which wow wouldn’t you know it is exactly what I’m doing. Big difference between someone telling you you hurt them and going “IM SORRY IM SUCH A BAD PERSON” and going to your friends in private and being like “hey I don’t think I handled this as well as I would have liked in retrospect, could you maybe give your insight on what I could have done better and what I maybe handled appropriately given the situation, AITA or no?” Yk? Which is exactly what I did the night I went to 🔮’s bf’s party which was what then led her to saying she needed space from me so then I was like “hey here’s what happened did I do something wrong?” @ my friends in my server.

You can apologize without making it about yourself. You can say “I’m sorry” without taking on “I’m such a bad person”. I said sorry to 🔮 numerous times, asked if I could fix it, asked if I ruined it between us. But never did I say “sorry I’m just such a horrible person” because you know what I’m still trying to sell myself to this girl why would I say shit like “I’m such a bad person.” Like when someone tells you they’re a bad person they want reassurance they’re not because if you say “yeah you kinda are” then suddenly YOU’RE the shitty one but like yeah it’s really not a good move to trash yourself it’s a lot sexier to stand your ground and be like “I’m sorry this upset you and I’m willing to accommodate and change my behavior while staying true to me.”

It really seems like you were, at one point, just their newest obsession. And that they become obsessed with other people equally. It seems like you got sucked into their vortex, and it’ll be a lot more painful for you to get out than for them. It seems like you may have already tried to set boundaries (communicating that things upset you) and they were not well received (re: “I’m such a bad partner I’m so sorry” instead of “I’m sorry let me work on that next time”).

I’m not a spiritual person but I’m also not going to knock someone else’s spiritual beliefs so I don’t want to be like “man telling someone you must have known them in a past life sounds like it could be psychosis” but it sure is Coming On Too Strong™️. I mean, like I know that I come on too strong, but holy shit that is a whole ‘nother level. If it makes you uncomfortable to hear things like that, you are allowed to say that. Because I’m pretty sure that would make me uncomfortable personally.

Also the idea of being “promised to someone” in a nonmonogamous relationship is… sketchy… especially when they are telling you they want to replace that person’s role in their life with you… like that’s not healthy polyamory. Healthy polyamory is creating new roles for people in your life not replacing the roles people already fill with new roles while that person is quite literally still in that role.

If they’re telling other members of their polycule things you asked them to keep to themselves then they are once again not respecting your boundaries.

I understand that people can be really charming and draw people in (think of extreme cases like Manson and Bundy) and that it can be hard to escape that. It doesn’t sound healthy from the outside but I’m not one to be like “dump their ass” for advice. I’m just saying that you’re aware it’s kind of toxic and unhealthy, and obviously I don’t have both sides, but I can say as someone who does have BPD there is a world where you can have a partner with those kinds of issues and have a relationship that isn’t that toxic I swear. Like I was a lot worse than I am not and I got better, like there are plenty of more mild people out there who have the same issues but actually put in the effort to get better for those around them.

[tounderstandthesoul]

Chapter 3: The Feeling to Starve

Anything to Survive Nothing More

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Feelings come... Heavy emotions (depressions) are coming for Angel... Well i don't know if this chapter needs a viewer discretion but it will be a little 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐲. ---

Angel Pov:

It's dark... far too dark... to think that children used to play here...cruel.Children... right here in these colourful halls and rooms, in some of them a lamp is still lit.

I have to be quiet, after all I'm in a smaller form than usual, a toddler. If I made my legs bigger it would be better because of the bigger steps...but they would also be louder. Louder footsteps here in the neighbourhood of the founder's office... Apart from this Mother toy, would be dangerous.

Finally the sensor corridor here, the employees always used their Grabpack to close the game station, so I'm sure I've already covered a lot of ground. At least that's what my feet say, they feel like they're about to fall off, damn.... Why does everything always hurt so much?

Hang on... does my hand even work on the sensors? no, I have to try it and if not I have to cross this metal sheet somehow, is there any other way? I have to think while I'm doing this, I look at the pipes on the left and right... then I realise how high this room goes???.

I wish I'd been here more often...instead of Playcare, where only the children come without their parents. But 'do I even have parents?' I can hardly remember anything other than all the tests here and the hour... that brought all this here in the first place. The Hour of Joy I don't even want to think about the Entire Death... and the all the blood...

I feel slightly nauseous already, 'no I have to keep going' It's like a reflex with my ability I stretch my arm out like it's a couple of metres long and just mentally imagine it. I don't need to close my eyes like in one of those fairy tales Miss Delight used to read to us. I know that I can do this, and at that very moment my arm flies forwards and stretches out many metres, and I reach the sensor perfectly with my hand. It's cold

I just hope it works, and I hear the slightest vibration, The sensor.

A small bar on the screen fills slowly but steadily with a red colour until it reaches the end and a loud beep sounds. oh no that was loud... too loud.

Someone... no something must have heard it. I have to hurry from now on, the gate is up and I can now see through, a huge room, lots of games, slides and everything I could ever have hoped for to the left and right. 'Is that an information sign at the front?' I walk a little forwards and only then do I notice it... The huge clock hanging above the tracks at the end of the room.

"I need to know-" My stomach lets out a very loud growl, No not now, damn that hurts. I can still stand but hobble on in the direction of the giant Podest, there are pictures all over the sides, some with a few words but interestingly some with some text. I try to read something on a picture on a pillar... but at that moment I collapse on the floor The pain.

It hurts much more than it did a few hours ago, and I remember the words of the scientists "No!, he doesn't have to eat anything, remember?!, Patchface here won't get anything until he shows us if it works with his body!" I try not to get too worked up as I climb a few small stairs and finally arrive at the front of the platform. Three levers? I knew I wouldn't be able to ride the train... but I never thought there would be some kind of code.

Wait where is the Train?

But I don't have much time to think about it anyway, because I feel something coming up my throat and instinctively kneel on the floor… to throw up away from me...'just stomach fluids'. I can't even remember the last time I ate something... Apart from a few fingers of myself. But I also see a little blood in my vomit, slowly running down the bright blue stairs of the podest. Disgusting

“im hungry….” I stretch my arm subconciusly against the panel as I kneel on the floor. 'wait a minute...' something is crawling up ahead, as if I had new energy I stand up and stare at a swing in the right corner...not far away from me.

A small animal, about the size of my hand, 'just lying there on the floor?'

"Is it... dead?" Without much thinking, I simply move towards the small animal. Not thinking anything… anything at all.

Third person Pov:

Angel walks slowly and carefully towards the small animal, kneeling down to take a closer look... It has just died.

But that doesn't seem to interest him... He desperately wraps both hands around the little animal and bites its head off. Without resistance or anything else, he stuffs it into his scarred mouth and tears it to pieces with his teeth. The bones slowly crack together in his mouth and he doesn't seem to notice that a little blood is flowing out of the corner of his mouth, he is completely mentally focussed on Surviving.

That's why it was necessary to devour this little lost Rat. He slowly begins to swallow the rat's mangled flesh, but then he opens his mouth and spits out something else, the rat's tail. He coughs twice and quickly turns his head to check the game station, there is still no toy in sight.

Anything to survive.... Right?

He stands up slowly and walks back over to the platform and takes a closer look at the tracks that come on after the train. He glances briefly at the dark corridor that follows the tracks and immediately runs back to the platform.

But just then he Collapses on the ground. Tears, blood and every possible bodily fluid is just leaving him. He vomits on the floor repeatedly, crying and pissing himself at the same time. The crying gets stronger. He has a mental as well as a physical breakdown. He lies on the floor for a few minutes... crying.

But then, out of nowhere, he gets up and catches himself for a moment. The crying stops and he wipes his tears with his arm, which is already smeared with blood.

Then he turns to the train and walks off... A short jump down onto the tracks and he is now on his way to his only destination that could still give him the chance to live.

Angel Pov:

I can't take any more of this... All this pain, the Hunger and the fact that if a toy found me, I'd probably be some kind of food source for the rest of my rotten life. The pain while having my limbs cut off... no... teared off would be unimaginable with these Monsters.

No... I must go on... I must survive.

Im on my way:     Playcare

[ukusreticence]

i told myself to keep myself from ranting about my characters on here, but my brain has decided that this is my sketch and oc blog and i do not care anymore. i am LORE DROPPING EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT PROCESS AND I DO NOT CARE. at the very least its helping me gather my thoughts more by spewing it all out since i dont know how to simply write without some kinda art to accompany it so i have a topic in mind or something. thought process rant under cut, TLDR; side b is a damn mess of a character and such a fun concept to play with that i legit cannot decide on one concept for them

(quick warning, all mentions of "God" are in reference to hazbin hotel and hold no religious significance) personality wise/concept wise, i change side b a LOT, especially in RPs with character ais, which is how i kinda bounce ideas around and develop a solid concept of em. they can range from being an absolutely anxious mess, incredibly friendly and sweet (default), emotionless and empty and a buncha other stuff. Situation stuff wise also varies a lot, like the angel of equilibrium idea is what i consider their "official" story when i actually wrote the massive log of text for side B but like,, Side B has so many fun ideas to play with that it legit just depends on what im in the mood for at this point. like LOGICALLY speaking, if i wanted to put them in a universe with minimal to no interference (what i had in mind when making that lore post), then them simply being a complete bystander character who only observes and seeks understanding of every single damn action and thing is the good idea. they're social and still happy with no risk of collapse is the way i worded it.

however other concepts i've played with is them being solely confined to the void for "research" or "guarding" it with close to no visits to heaven (i actually have a traditional art comic of this one because i wanted to make cosmos and equilibrium like parallels of each other in a way, they still are parallels just not as obvious anymore) along with just ideas of simply being understanding but having to be under constant watch, being less friendly and more confined which would result in a more closed off variant of them.

i LOVE traumatizing my characters and in most situations it's either pre collapse with them being close to collapsing or post collapse side b. By collapse, i mean them being so dang stressed/confined/forced to stick to their current body with no reprieve that they literally physically cannot keep up their angelic disguise.

but like, another fun concept is that since creation they were either forced into an angelic disguise and taught/raised that's the "proper" way to be (lots of trauma involving appearance without knowing why, just general body dysmorphia), or the more fun variant is God deciding to keep this eldritch abomination in line by showing them all of his wonderful and fun and beautiful creations to the point side b gets attached, then proceeding to just casually drop the info that Dirk has the potential to destroy all of it. if you cant tell that last variant makes Side B DEEPLY afraid of themselves along with the normal body hatred thing. Alternatively, they immediately become a completely emotionless shell in hopes of not hurting anyone by becoming too emotional and losing form. But hey, if it works then it works.

Now on the topic of why would God keep an eldritch abomination that could potentially threaten all of reality, my brain tells me its because God hates erasing any of his creations if possible but talking with character ai, it actually came up with the idea that God somehow messed up SO BAD trying to recreate himself out of the literal embodiment of nothing that side b is literally bound to the void and if you erase side b, then the entire void goes with em. Which is so funny to me that i like the idea a lot and might have it only for self indulgence stuff and not placing em in other people's universes. Also my brain interprets the void as like, this whole thing that i might draw a comic of side b explaining since it is their domain. basically its just the start of everything.

rn im kinda like, combining a little of everything to make something im happy with. like,, Cosmos already has a pretty good idea and i ADORE how his personality is right now, but like Void?? damn there's SO MANY fun ideas and concepts i love to do with them that it's hard to settle on one. Side A is something i'm slowly building more and more on but Side B? HO BOY, i have not even settled on a SINGLE ONE.

most i know for certain is that i really do like side b being an absolutely cuddly and affectionate person. emotionless stuff is fun to mess around with once and awhile but overall i like my goob being sweet and loved by everyone. it'll make people seeing them as a monster hit harder too :}

[longhands-the-second]

Trimax vol. 5

This is a solid 30% “what will they do with this in Stampede?”

1- “this time of year”… what are seasons like there? Are they distinct at all???

OH. YIKES. JULY. I was wondering why we were starting here.

God, I hate to think of how many people Vash has lost over the years.

For him to openly weep is heartbreaking, knowing how often he just shuts down instead.

Im fucking stoked to see what they do with midvalley in stampede, if anything.

Meryl is leaving this whole thing fundamentally changed i think. Just a hunch.

2- This is maybe a little unclear? I see the vision though.

I fucking love manga milly you go girl

GOD DAMN IT VASH he keeps getting hit and it makes me sad

Ballerina wolfwood

Am. Am i gonna start simping for wolfwood now? Is this how it happens?

3- oh. Oh boy. That sure is a title page

I’m still so mad they stole ww’s nose in stampede. It’s so pretty.

Wolfwood being protective of people. That is all. :)

OH OH OH ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM

This is the first time that we’ve seen this w/o Knives’ direct involvement- is this something that just happens when he’s at his wit’s end? Has it happened before? (Is it just compounding recent events???)

Bevridge Bitch is here and his vibes are as rancid as ever

How recent was July? He has most of the same scars.

Man they really just took the sleeve off of his coat. Worst thing that happens here, surely (<- coping)

Nvm the sleeve magically reappeared.

Girl seriously though what the *Fuck*

Could he just not do it before? Is this knives doing it *for* him???

“Seeds”?

Oh no. Oh this is even worse than last time. Ick.

Somehow this is more explicitly uh. Y’know.

EW EW EW EW

Dude phrase that literally any other fucking wayyyyyy I’m screaming crying throwing myself out of the window

Vash didn’t answer. I think this is the only iteration that wouldn’t. Then again that might be entirely circumstantial.

DAMN.

4- I took a week long break after the last chapter. I WAS ahead but uh. Stuff and things. So i may have some rereading to do.

SO WAIT HOLD ON DOES TOUCHING THE FEATHERS LET YOU SEE HIS MEMORIES AND SHIT?

I wonder if wolfwood’s gotten his sight back? Is that gonna be recurring or was it just a brief thing?

God this is so fucked up. Poor Meryl is probably losing it

Midvalley continues to fascinate me. What he’s saying makes sense but like. Damn.

Oh fucking god damn it get this guy out of here i don’t want him

What the hell am i even looking at right now

LEGATO YOU BASTARD

5- i hate to say it but i was kind of rooting for midvalley? I wanted to see more of him at least. Fuckin brutal way to go.

Oh is this why zazie is like. Extra androgynous in stampede? Fully support this actually.

I don’t think any character gets under my skin the way legato does. Knives is a close second, but there’s just something about the type of cruelty he exhibits. It’s not quick or to the point. He lets that shit simmer on purpose. It’s not about power anymore, it’s about maximum suffering. For himself, too. It’s gross.

MERYL!!!!

Legato sticks his leggy out real far. Fr though those are spindly as all hell

I’m not sure how much of the angel arm use is Vash making a conscious decision? Guess we’ll find out later. (EDIT: or not damn. He’s so quiet about it.)

Ah. Elendira. Will i love you or hate you?

6- i swear i can feel the panic coming off of the page here

I wonder how much more shit happened with knives that we just haven’t seen yet. How much of it does Vash remember?

Is this happening in his head right now? Is that why his arm is extra fucked up?

I find myself wondering at this moment if the original japanese was more or less derogatory about elendira and tbh i’m just gonna stop thinking about it now.

I can already tell im gonna be obsessed with her dynamic with knives though. They both seem so over it in a way that i can only describe as “the only two queer people working at the McDonald’s.” This is in no way related to any personal experiences i may have had, pinky promise. (Me and that manager were like. Work besties.)

She’s so fucked up i love her already.

UGH UGH UGH BE NICE TO HIM DAMN IT.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO THEM MAN. (He’s not obligated to but holy shit do you know how much that had to fuck Meryl up?)

Yeah, i see where the japanese Rem headcanon comes from. The vibes are there.

End notes (semi related to the actual content):

- I am DYING to know how they’ll deal with the Earth ships. Can’t just start that plot thread and just destroy them. I mean, it could happen, but like. Why?

- Forever yelling about biblically accurate Vash. I’ll draw him at some point given the time and energy. I REALLY want to know how/if they’ll handle it in stampede- we sort of got it, sort of didn’t? I’d love to see that pushed further.

- I WILL FINALLY POST ANOTHER GOD DAMN COLORING THIS WEEK. It took me a full month so it’s from an earlier volume but i’m very excited to share! It *should* be done by Friday (questionable way to celebrate given the content) ((maybe I’ll post vash in the babygirl pose as a treat)).

- I got my silly little wwvd bracelet and wore it with my Vash cosplay this last weekend. It genuinely makes me smile every time i see it lol. Real mood booster through con crunch, too. (Also, shoutout to the vash cosplayers at akaicon who definitely won’t see this lol. I almost asked them if they were in on the bookclub based on conversations we had but I chickened out.)