#im sorry this took so long but i finally had the proper mental energy and BOOM here she is

[orchidyoonkook]

I wasn't ignoring you! I've been depressed lately... So I haven't actually been sociable with many people at the moment, or with anyone if you want me to be honest. I would try to be in a healthier mindset before I get back into conversations with people if I am actually able to do so.

But, then I woke up to the news that the guitarist (from a band I listen to) is leaving the band. Because of the timing of the announcement.. I thought, along with many other fans, believed it was just an elaborate April Fool's prank. But it doesn't seem that way. So! Now that brought my depression back hearing that news. My mental health is changing everyday. So I have conflicting feelings about hearing that new today.

So there's that.

I know, I know.. I'm just overreacting about news that I'm not apart of in any way so it shouldn't effect me but it also does at the same time.

I've noticed some emojis don't seem to appear on certain devices so I will have to figure out an emoji that actually appears everywhere, or if it would be easiest to know who is who (while I'm being anonymous).

Yeah.. I'm a private person. I would only reveal things about myself if I am actually comfortable around any other person. I'm always like this all the time. Doesn't matter if you're family, friends, even strangers.

Oh! Yeah. Maybe I should've elaborated those specific relationships in fictional stories. I can see and read dark content, but never content in that way; those ships are limitations that I'm never comfortable with.

I wasn't going to say specific words in you - or anyone else who might have - read my messages. Since I know certain terms may actually be upsetting for some people. Maybe my explanation was just too vague though, so I should've elaborated more with being explicit about that.

Based on labels. My style was between "emo", "goth", "punk", "grunge" and every style in between that you could think of. Ripped jeans have always been my preference in pants.. Usually black shirts, sometimes I'd wear band shirts on occasion or shirts with graphic designs (skulls is an obvious example). Dyed hair, piercings. This is still my own style.

So it doesn't was not a phase for me like most people believed.. There was only a few people who knew that my style wasn't any phase at all either. Anyway! I'm getting too off topic again. Or at least I think I am.

Yes! Guys and girls could be friends. Not every relationship between a guy and girl have romantic or sexual either, there are also the platonic ships and even kinships too. Depending on how close their bonds are.

I rarely had female friends. Not because "I'm just like one of the guys." was the reason. Well.. Maybe I felt that way when I was a preteen that time. But I usually have better connections to guys. Nothing against a lot of women, since I know not every female is the same person when it comes to actions and reactions. I knew many girls who were always horrible to me. Other than people who treated me differently once it's been known that I'm disabled, since people have treated me different once they've found out about my disabilities (like autism for example) - but this is towards people in general though. When it comes to girls; so many female friends were jealous of me for whatever reasons they had. I'm not being conceited. They were actually jealous of me for any reasons I don't know. Any time I had other friends besides her, dating boyfriends or even had a crush on guys, she'd always steal them from me. Which is why I have trust issues with people. The girls I knew end up abusive towards me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. And the few friends, including female friends, worth having in my life were the people who abandoned me. So I've gotten used to being alone now.

And don't get me started on being friends who guys who actually did stop hanging out with me because of jealous girlfriends.. So I was not sure if they hated, distrusted, me. Or they distrusted their boyfriends.

That happened frequently too.. So having every trust issue that I have been through. I tend to push people away, before they push me away.

Yeah. Regardless of sexuality, I just can't see the BTS boys in any ship that isn't a familial ship. Kinships? Something like that. Like.. I am fine with side ships but not main ships. Nothing against people who enjoy those ships though. People should read and write their own stories.

I haven't officially came up with a nickname yet... But you might know by now that I'm the verbose anon who never even knows how to keep messages shorter than what I respond with. That may be a give away.

I finally FINALLY have the time and proper mental space to reply to this!!! Lemme dig in!!

I never thought you were ignoring me dear!! don't worry I know we all have out social limits and sometimes you just need to not be a person for a while in order to recharge. I think it's incredibly kind that you are aware of your mindset when interacting with folks and chose not to interact when you know it isn't in the best place. But please know that I'm here if you ever need to vent or need a little sprinkle of colour or kindness in life. Depression is so hard and I would never treat you differently because of it <3

I'm so so sorry the guitarist from your fav band is leaving 😔. I hope it's so that they can better their health or for the best at least. And if not, i personally find a comfort in knowing that you had them in the band for as long as you did, and you can always go back to old videos and music to reminisce. But again that's a personal coping mechanism of mine.

You're not overreacting. If this is your favourite band I'm going to assume they play rather large role in your life. So it's completely understandable to have big feelings about it. If the guitarist from my favourite band was leaving I would have enormous feelings about it as he's been with the band since 2003. Like. It's something that's a big deal. Your reaction is super valid.

Emoji's are dumb like that sometimes unfortunately. I'm happy to use whichever emoji you'd like. Or a psued if you want. Both work for me. But I usually know it's you , you're memorable!

And I can respect that. I would never push you to not be like that, I just want you to know that I'm here if you need it. The anon part of tumblr is a beautiful feature that way. Talking to strangers who are also friends without the pressure of them actually knowing. It's a very amazing type of human connection. And I find it easier to tell filks things when it can't fall back on me. Like a living diary almost. I find it super cool at least. An annonymous form of community you can't really replicate anywhere else. Beautfiul when you think about it.

Ahhh gotcha!! RE: side ships and pairings. Totally makes sense!!

I'm not someone who can be triggered easily, I semi-regularly consume darker content/ dead dove type (mainly out of loving jealously for the folks who write it so well. my ass could never) so as long as the terms you chose are talked about with respect or in proper terminolog I dont see myself being upset.

Your style sounds like what I would dress as if i had a bit more courage. I'd love to dye my hair again and get so many pericings and tats but i haven't quite gotten myself there yet. Hell, my mum has more tats than me. Just go ther sleeve done a year or two ago and is working on her next one soon! It's just something about that particular style that's comfortable to me, but my neurodivergence (AuADHD) makes permanent alterations to my body freak me out a bit, hence the need for courage. It's more of a mental block than anything,

Also it is 100% me who always goes off topic so fear not! you fit right in if you slip once of twice too!

Half of my closest decade(s) long friendships are with guys so I absolutely agree with you. I never dated any of them and neither did the other girls in the friend group. We've all known one another (as in all of us in the group knowing everyone in the group) since 9th grade and we're turning 25 this year. So it's absolutely possible. People just like to think it's not.

I was similar. When I think of my childhood and my childhood frienships, all of my girl friends were neighbours, whereas all of my school friends were primarily guys, and for the same and similar reasons you've mentioned. I was primarily raised by my dad and I only have brothers so it makes sense to me why I hung out with guys more. And I had a similar experience where girls were just mean to me for no reason and I couldnt at the time figure it out. I know why now that I'm older. But still, that hurts when you're young so you're more likely to go and be with those who feel safer to be with.

I knew i felt a certain type of similarity between out experiences and the shared diagnosis' makes so much sense. Folks treat me very different once I mention that ASD is the reason I dont undertsand things they way they tell me too or whatever the situation is. It's actually why I left my last job. They wouldn't accomodate me and my performance suffered to much as did my mental health.

"many female friends were jealous of me for whatever reasons they had. I'm not being conceited. They were actually jealous of me for any reasons I don't know." My mum saw this when i was younger too. She said i was (and am) "intimidating" and so people would try their best to knock me down a peg. hence the jealousy when their couldnt or when the realised that they wanted what i had. I've accepted it now, and silently acknowledge it. But once again, it still hurt the little girl who couldn't figure out why she was treated so differently.

'The girls I knew end up abusive towards me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. And the few friends, including female friends, worth having in my life were the people who abandoned me. So I've gotten used to being alone now." I'm truly sorry you had to/ have to deal with this. Not in a pitying way, but in a 'human to human I see and acknowledge the things you've gone through in your life' way. I hope you are able to one day build and find for yourself a lovely group of humans who love and respect you for you. Who don't tear you down like the horrible people before them, and instead lift you up. I will happily be a part of that, should you like to have me, just so you know. I may be words on a screen, but there is a person behind them who sees you.

The girlfriend situation of guy friends is something I have very fortunately not had to deal with as I usually end up being their friend too. I have a habit of wanting everyone to feel accepted and included in spaces I exist in, and it commonly plays to my favour. But I have had and heard second hand experiences with this, and it's just awful. And we can reiterate to earlier where guys and girls can be friends without anything going on. I have never understood girls who cut their guys off from perfectly normal and healthy female frienships.

Pushing folks away before they push you is absolutely a coping mechanism I understand. Breaking through that was one of the more difficult things I've been trying to learn as an adult. That some rare folks actually want to be there for me, and truly have no ill intentions. I hope you are able to one day have this as well, to which, once again, I will happily be one, should you want.

Perfectly respectable opinion on the boys and relationships. I have nothing to add other than I agreee completey.

And yes XD I am usually able to tell it's you by the length!! I just know some folks like having a tag to make searching for thir asks easier! I know I did before i had tumblr. It just made tracking what I'd sent in way easier! No rush tho!

Hope you are well, darling <3. Always lovely chatting with you.

[animeangel21]

Part 2 is ready for my sukuna fic

Here you go sluts :)

——————————————————————————-

"T-t-thank you ma-master" I stuttered with a shaky bottom lip.I would definitely have a handprint there tomorrow with the force he was putting on me.

"You need manners"

With him still buried deep in me his palm connected with my ass again and my hips pushed back forcing him deeper into me.

"You like that too huh?"

His hand continued to swat on me with no remorse but one hit in particular had lurched my body forward and I cried loudly cussing with drool falling out my mouth.

"God you're ass is raw, and this sweet little cunt is creaming all over me"

"N-no more" my voice barely above a whisper

He pushed himself back out of me and grabbed my hips and pulled me back on his cock harshly causing my ass to rub against his hips.

My moans were muffled again as his hand found my neck and pushed me further into the pillow. His dick twitched in me and I clenched as his pace somehow picked up.

I screamed a line of cuss words as his cum shot into me and he pounded me harder and I came all over him again.I tried to crawl away, get away, anything to help myself from the over whelming pleasure taking over my body. But his nails dug into my hip on my right side pulling me further back and his left hand was in my hair pulling my head back so my back met his chest.

My legs were on the verge of giving out on me and my arms wouldve struggled to hold up my own body weight if it wasn't for his hand and my hair.

"Just look how I'm bulging in your stomach. Fuckk, you wanted this and now you got it." He groaned pushing my head down and as he did so I could feel and smell the blood in my nose trickle down my face and down my neck.

"Is it that hot to you or is that your body saying you've had enough. Either way I'm not done with you. I've got 1000 years of pent up frustration and a tight needy cunt right here." He dropped my body into the pillows and there was a burning sensation on my hip causing me to try and move away but his grip tightened. " a bond you can't get rid of."

Sukuna had branded me with a RS on my hip.

In a heartbeat I was flipped and he sat on the edge of the bed with me in his lap and my neck in his hand

And his arm was securely wrapped around my waist.

My eyes were slowly shutting due to my body being exhausted. He drug his tongue from my neck to my mouth lapping up all the blood and slapped my face twice on the same cheek to wake me up immediately making my eyes wide.

"Enjoy being on top when you've got the chance because the minute you're down you need to be completely submissive"

" and if you dare to fall asleep or slow down with me I'll shove this dick in your ass raw" he whispered and licked the shell of my ear.

"Now ride" he said looking down at me licking his lips and flashing his white teeth at me. He smacked my ass hard as I sunk down and gripped the flesh hard and left bleeding scratch marks in his path as well.

—skippy—-

Once he came undone and I did as well my body physically couldn't handle it and I passed out.

  but he just let out a deep sigh and set a little mental note to punish the brat next time he would see her.

He was decent enough to snap his fingers and wipe her down with a wet rag and dress her in her oversized shirt with some shitty anime on it and some cute panties.

Hm.. maybe the brat would get some action if he liked to same shitty anime .  Sukuna thought to himself

He snapped his fingers and dressed itadori  and laid him in the bed and pulled the girl to lay next to him burying his face into her breast, and hand on her ass. He positioned her legs to wrap around his hips along with her arms before swapping out as itadori was unconscious this entire time.

Basically got the brats dick wet for him.

And with that he sat back and just replayed the nights events with a smirk on his face.

To further make things interesting he got rid of the marks that were branded into the girls neck and collarbone only leaving the branded letters and marks from the spanking on her ass.

———————————-hehe skip to morning————

  Yuji was the first to wake up or so he thought. His dick was awake before he was and he wasn't exactly sure where he was but this was an every other day thing and he would handle it if there wasn't something weighing his body down.

He woke up enough to look down at the half naked girl next to him who looked a bit rough probably from yesterday's training since he couldn't even remember getting to her house yesterday. His face was no longer between her breast but his mouth was against her throat and he could feel each breath she took. With a small tired moan her legs pulled him closer and her arms tightened around his neck before loosening up and a small gasp fell from her lips.

"I-itadori I'm I- I'm really sorry" she apologize with a flustered face and the boy smiled into her neck but as she pulled away he pulled her closer causing her blush to brighten.

" no need princess I'm comfortable here if you are. I-is this okay" he said with a faint blush

"I - Uh Jeez this is embarrassing um.." she couldn't talk or think properly with the boy looking up at her like a goddess.

I didn't have the balls or energy to tell him that his hand was on my very sore ass and I wouldn't mind him massaging some ointment on it and my bruised thighs.

He adjusted our positions and finally realized where his hand had been and his little shocked face was cute. I hid my face in his chest and he looked down examining the bruises, hickeys, bites, and scratched that littered my thighs noticing it was bad it wanted to ask about something but the embarrassment on his face said it all.

"Can I help you?" He said playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Y-yeah, uh there's creams and stuff inside the bathroom." I said and removed my legs from the boys body.

He sat up showing no shame in his erection as he stretched and mumbled about how sore his lower body was along.I laid in my bed and reminisced about last night and grabbed my phone and opened the camera only to see that there were no bite marks, hickeys,scratches, or puncture wounds.

Yuji took a while in the bathroom and when he came back out I was laying on my side and furrows my eyebrows at the look on his face. Oh damn

"If you're wondering he said he fixed you up mostly last night." Itadori said with a bit of an upset face and he looked at me with shame and guilt

I  dismissed everything I was feeling and how sore my body was I shot up onto my knees on my bed and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug.

"You're not angry? I thought you would be pissed especially with me of all people for letting it happen."  He mumbled sadly.

"Yuji you can't control him.. of all people him. Look, he's been inside my head for..god knows how long but, I know how you feel and if I could repeat some of last nights events with itadori yuji I would" I said and kissed him passionately to which he returned immediately.

"Let me fix you up before you get hurt again."  He said pulling away.

" he could never do what I did HELLO IM A DEMON" the mouth that manifested on yujis cheek spoke and I smacked it but not hard enough to hurt yuji.

"Fuck off, it was my body." Yuji argued and leaned into my ear before whispering.

"He's had a lil spot for you, always mumbling about how he would fuck you n blah blah blah" and I laughed lying on my stomach so yuji could apply the cream for my thighs and ass.

"Um who told you to spread my business brat" his deep voice boomed.

"Fuck, did you have to go so hard on her." He said after flipping my shirt up to my hips.

"Brats need proper punishment."

"I like the idea of spanking too but there's  hand prints here, and scratch marks"  yuji said  applying the cool cream to my very much still burning skin.

" ya know I'm still here right like right under you" I said and yuji mumbled an apology.

"I'm never sorry" he mumbled

He doesn't know about our little deal, our little bond, and if he finds out I'll kill you myself princess.  Don't make me do that.

Okay, I won't you have my word.

Good girl.

I couldn't help but feel a bit of guilt knowing I'll have to lie to him about what happened yesterday night but sukuna probably told him everything he had to know and not what he shouldn't know.

The feeling of soft but large hands massaging my thighs and butt really took a toll and really turned me on.

More from my thighs as they were always a bit sensitive for me whenever someone touched them.

"Y-yuji I think I'm okay" I said softly and I heard a chuckle.

"Someone's horny" a deep voice rumbled and I flipped myself and it was yuji again.

"YOU CANT DO THAT TO HER ASSHOLE SHES GONNA WHOOP ME CAUSE OF YOU" yuji said and I placed my hand in his cheek.

"I would never I may have my issues but I won't even accidentally hurt the wrong person."

He fell onto my bed and pulled me next to him and relaxed his body and held me close.

"Was he serious?" He chuckled softly and my face started burning

"Yes.. he was but you've had a boner since you woke up but I kept my mouth shut."

"HEY this happens every morning I can't exactly control it" he said blushing as well and it was my turn to laugh.

I couldn't help but think about death and what's go come in my future, I had a while before death would

Come my way but, I was gonna live my life to the fullest. Or so I though.

———guess what, another time skip————————

Months later...

How many curses flooded this place? I don't know.

Me and another student came here on a mission to take care of a special grade while megumi was fighting some special grade.

Back up was on the way but I hadn't seen itadori in weeks because of a 'special mission' he accompanied nanami on.

Me and another grade 1 sorcerer were dealing with some curses on our own and my body was wearing down from the amount of energy I was using.

"WATCH YOUR BACK" I screamed and before my attack could do anything he was done for his blood spattered all over the old walls of the underground building/ bunker we were in.

"No more fucking around." I placed my fingers together.

"Domain expansion: grave expansion " I said and I could feel my energy flow and every single curse was ripped apart into several pieces and the only sound was their screeching.

"Ah you've perfected your domain expansion? It's about time little girl" a voice said behind me and I turned slowly and I was met with  with the piercing green eyes of Toji fushiguro.

" what the hell do you want? Cant you see I'm busy" I said and he got close.

"Hm.. a message..tell gojo I'll be back for him, you have a special grade to take care of missy" and he vanished in thin air right infront of me and I blinked several times to assure I'm not losing my marbles before running towards megumi and the special grade curse. I was weaker than I was before and I couldn't even see straight for a minute but I had to keep going if I was gonna see megumi again.

"MEGUMI WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?" I screamed praying for the best.

" you're too weak you need to get out of here" his voice rumbled from behind me blood covered his face and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll be fine, back up is on the way we can both make it out of here, I- I can stun the special grade quickly and we Can make a run for it." I said and my nose dropped blood and he looked at me questionably before nodding his head.

I looked around and spotted the special grade and I took a deep breath.

"Fun times we're gonna have." I said  and my hands radiated purple flames and  a black dragon appeared from behind me and as I moved my arms forward she targeted the special grade and I grabbed megumis hand making a run for it.

" how are you feeling" he said and I shrugged.

" I'm doing just fine let's just get out the back up should be here in less than 5 minutes" I said and as hard as I focused I couldn't help but feel weaker by the seconds passing and the minute we stepped outside I froze in my spot.

A pain in my chest caused me to fall to my knees and onto my back.

This can't happen to me now

I summoned back my black dragon and the pain subsided even though she was injured whatever he did had been bad and transferred from her to me.

"Hold tight." He said and just as he said that the ground shook and the special grade was on ground level with us and standing over us as megumi carried my body. The curse kicked megumi sending him into a near by wall.

The curse picked up my frail body and held me up and smiled at me wickedly.

He turned towards the gates with my body and there stood gojo  and an unfamiliar figure.

"Oh young mya I never told you. This is all cause of me." I heard tojis voice and gojo was already ready with his signature smirk.

"Ah we meet again, I'm gonna need my student released from this curse and we can settle this one on one" he said and Toji looked me in the eyes grabbing my face" and let your strongest walk out of here alive? HAH" and with a flick of his hand the special grades hand shifted and impaled me to a tree  straight through my stomach and into the trunk the object was thin but it still hurt like a bitch

"SON OF A FUCKING BITCH" I screamed with anger crying almost immediately and before I was impaled again by the second arm I looked up at the curse  and it's body was split into pieces and nanami was behind it and itadori was looking at me with a shocked expression and tears on his face.

"I'll Help her call for help." Nanami said and before gojo got a hit on toji he vanished once again and ran over to me.

"I'm so sorry mya" 

"Pfft don't worry about it I'll be.. I'll be fine" I said and I smiled as nanami wrapped my stomach and itadori ran up to me and held my head in his lap.

"I hate this... please.. don't leave me" he mumbled with trembling lips.

"I'll always be with you no matter what.." I said fading in and out of consciousness.

"I'm sorry, I should've been there to help you." Megumi said with his head down and I lifted my hand to grab his hair and pull him close.

"You're a lot stronger than anyone here so don't worry about me. You handled that like a badass" I said and released him but his hand held my wrist and gojo had his head down.

" you are the best teacher ever." And I looked at nanami " my favorite mentor, you're more than capable of dealing with my knucklehead" I said and blood poured out the side of my mouth.

" I'll always be here for all of y-"

I was cut off with a kiss.

"Please, don't die on me!" Yuji screamed  my tears slipped and I could feel my body giving up little by little as I took my last breath and shut my eyes.

" I love you all" I mumbled and I faded into darkness 

Sorry princess it's time.

———————-innate domain——————-

Sukuna knew exactly what would happen if the girl didn't make it and he truly didn't care. But he would manipulate her and convince her to stay if he had to the easy way or the hard way.

He knew that at any given time anyone who entered his domain was gonna see the girl and that’s what he wanted. He wanted everyone to know that he owned her everything now.

—————

I awoke almost immediately with a gasp and sukunas fingers left my forehead and he picked me up bridal style and out of my hatred for being picked up I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He sat down on the large mattress with an unreadable look on his face and looked at the ground below him.  I was seated in his lap confused and upset.

" 'M sorry, I couldn't save you. something wouldn't let me. Princess, don't think I didn't try to save you.. I did but something wasn't letting me through and it was too late.." he said with his chin on the palm of his hand. I was shocked that the great king of curses was apologetic for once and I just had a straight face.

"Great king of curses are you dying?" I said feeling his forehead causing him to glare at me.

"Cause you just apologized to me." I smiled and held his face with my hand.

" it was gonna happen.. plus I was too weak I used my domain expansion and several other techniques that I shouldn't use all at once so, I did it to myself." I said playing with my hands noticing his white kimono with black edging and the black shoes he wore.

"You're here now, and it's not too bad until I have business to handle." He grabbed my jaw and turned my face to meet his and pushed his tongue into my mouth for a heated kiss.

He pulled away and picked me up dropping me on the bed.

"You need rest" he smirked down and pulled away untying his kimono showing off his godly body and sliding in the bed as well.

"I know I know you don't sleep in pants." He rolled his eyes and with a snap Of his fingers I was in a large shirt and underwear.

He laid next to me and buried his  face in between my breast and wrapped his arms around my waist allowing one of his hands to rest on my ass and give it a rough squeeze.

No matter how many timeswe get intimate since that first day we fucked I’d forever be nervous with him. Every movement of his made me slightly nervous but I felt so little under him it was slowly become normal.

I ran my fingers through his hair and as my eyes shut my actions stopped and he let out a throaty growl which was stupidly attractive and I moved my hands again to mess with his hair.

I traced over his hairline and kissed it gently.

I hummed and let the exhaustion take over from today's events allowing my leg to rest over his waist.

Once you were asleep sukuna could hear urge change in your heartbeat.

He knew exactly what he did and the reactions he had on your body he easily could manipulate you into falling for him and he knew he had to put in little to no effort with such a Naive little girl in his bed.

[halinski]

I haven't had therapy in way too long so here's me projecting onto a character

He has a special, close relationship to pain. He knows that, of course. Every therapist had told him that before, as soon as they either saw the scars or heard the stories. It was such a staple part of him at this point, he didn't know how to feel truly alive without it. But even through all the cuts and bruises and broken bones, he could always count on his body. No matter the anguish and despair that ambushed him, now matter the mountain he had to conquer to get to the other side - Buck knew if he just pushed hard enough, his body would get him through anything. If it was adrenaline or just state of mind, pure will, the pain would leave his radar and strength would surge through him.

That was why he was such a good firefighter. It was why his world crashed the moment his body threatened to give up on him, take away his one strength. If you took away his strength...

He hated the thought too much to follow it to it's end. Especially with the way his knees creaked on his way upstairs to his bed, lightning bursts splitting through his nerves to his core. It was the left one specifically that caused him to pause halfway up and breathe heavily, dropping to one of the steps with a grimace so stark it tore through his throat vocally.

Was it the mental stress? Or was he really overexhausting himself physically? Or- maybe the reckless abandon he had treated his body with in his prime youth had finally caught up to him? There were a million and one options, of which the one or the other was quite very likely.

Buck clenched his jaw unhappily. He refused to give in. He should be figuring it out, should be doing what he could to care for himself, to honor this vessel he lived in, be grateful for every day he pushed way past his limit, for every time he deliberately made choices that resulted in injuries, for every dangerous situation and risk he'd put himself in. And yet, all he knew how to do... Was keep pushing. Steeling himself, he pushed to his feet, and carried himself up the rest of the way to his bed.

He dropped onto the bed and melts into the mattress. It didn't even make sense. His knees hurt, his shouldrs and head neck and his hips. His hands even, somewhere in between the joints and lost within his tissue- even if he barely did anything to cause such soreness. Not like that. Not enough to warrant the bone deep burn. He felt swollen all over and stiff as a brick, with crumbled mortar grinding with every movement, every breath. It didn't matter if he was lying down, if his knee was bent or straight, relaxed or stretched- it hurt.

He tried to shift further up on the bed, find his way to the proper spot at the pillow, his limbs cracking like an angry campfire. Buck was pretty sure he could crack every single part of his body if he really tried. But there was no more energy left of him to confront this pain, to deal with it, soothe his body. He deserved this after all, considering the way he treated his body.

"I'm sorry," he wanted to say, treat himself with some kindness, a gentle touch, maybe like the ones Eddie graced him with, a reassuring grip at the base of his neck- steadying, warm, easing him into a settled state of existence. Maybe that was what he needed right now, someone to give him the love he had never been able to give himself because no one had really taught him how. (The only way he had managed to apologize to himself was by etching the words 'im sorry' into his thigh - those particular scars no one had ever seen and Buck wasn't planning on letting it ever happen).

But for now, all he could do was swallow down his own misery, settle into the discomfort, the familiarity of his pain, his steady companion, his twin - wasn't he born from pain? - and let exhaustion lull him to sleep, hoping that he would feel a little better in the morning, or if anything charge up on some resolve to push through again tomorrow.

[starryseo]

date. | hwang hyunjin

this gif?? is a godsend??

pairing ↠ hyunjin x gender neutral!reader

genre ↠ some poorly-written fluff? slight enemies to lovers?? detective au! 

wc ↠ 3234

summary ↠ friday evenings shouldn't be spent staring at case files. luckily, the universe has made plans for you.

warnings ↠ a biiit of swearing

a/n ↠ wow this is long overdue! hope you all enjoy reading this :') sorry in advance for the awkward spacing, i wrote this on a google doc first (and deleted it like a dumbass) so ig the copy+pasting got weird.

-

Normally, Friday evenings would be spent at home, under several warm blankets and dim lights, your only company being a tub of Cookies and Cream ice cream, enough sweets to make your teeth ache and Chris Evans (he may be in your TV screen, but, for now, that presence is more than enough). But, clearly, Captain Woojin Kim has it out for you since he’s kept your squad and several others back to fish through a ship load of paperwork. You’re certain he’s adding more manila folders to your toppling pile each time you blink, your hands ache as you swap between signing papers and typing up incident reports.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, you notice it’s only been half an hour of filing, the clock’s hands ticking just past 5 o’clock. You reach for the mug of coffee that your Captain had so graciously gifted you before dropping the paperwork bombshell. Groaning at the realisation that your mug is now empty, you drop your head on the table. This wasn’t supposed to be a normal Friday evening; sure, filling in reports were different plans to your usual Netflix and chill, but on this particularly fine Friday, you actually had plans. Real plans. You hadn’t been extremely thrilled earlier this week for the blind date your friend had set up for you today, but now? Anything would be better than listening to Jisung repeat every single thing he was writing and typing and thinking. No amount of coffee could ever give you enough energy to deal with him.

You let out another groan, stretching your arms above your head, before grabbing your coffee mug to get a refill. Suddenly, you become a coffee boy as Jisung, Seungmin, Hyunjin, Felix and Minho -- who wasn’t even part of your team -- thrust out their arms, each of them holding an empty mug begging to be filled once more. Rolling your eyes, you walked straight past all of them to focus on your own mug. You laughed when they muttered curses, most choosing to continue with their reports. You set up the coffee machine, listening to its dull droning tone until the door swings open behind you.

“Thank you so much for the refill, y/n,” Hyunjin drawled, sarcasm slipping easily between his words, as he stood beside you.

“Anytime, Hyunjin.” You were not in the mood for Hyunjin’s quips -- especially not because he looked perfectly energetic when you could barely keep your eyes open. You huffed when the machine stopped working, letting out a long groan. “Stupid machine!”

“Step aside, let the master work his magic,” Hyunjin boasted, bumping you aside with his hip as he stretched his arms out in front of him, lacing his fingers together to crack them. He whacked the side of the machine harshly, grinning when it sputtered back to life, “That’s magic, baby!” He turned to you with a smirk, raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that was so impressive.” You deadpanned, nudging him back in a similar manner. You placed your mug under the dispenser, pressing the button to fill it up.

“Worked like a charm,” his smirk never left and he turned to face you, leaning against the counter.

“Oh, definitely, I’m swooning,” you rolled your eyes -- a common gesture whenever you spoke to Hyunjin -- before grabbing your mug and stepping away.

“I knew you’d fall for me eventually.” He stayed unmoving, brown eyes practically teasing a reaction out of you.

And that was exactly why you could never have a proper conversation with the man. You’ve had your fair share of cocky men -- interrogating overconfident pimps was never your favourite task -- but at least you got paid to deal with those rich guys. There wasn’t enough money in the world to incite you into a willing conversation with Hyunjin. To the others, he was an absolute angel, going out of his way to help them, always cracking jokes to lighten the mood; to you, he was the devil’s incarnate: constantly looking for new ways to annoy you, taunting you at every possible instance -- the only time he’d gone out of his way for you was when he nitpicked through 5 of your cases, correcting any spelling mistakes and gaps. Long story short, Hwang Hyunjin was annoying. Great at his job -- there was no doubt about that -- but infuriating nonetheless.

“Anyway,” you sighed out, “goodbye, Hyunjin!”

Just as your free hand grabbed hold of the door knob, he yelled, “Wait!” Another sigh left you as you dropped the handle to turn around, raising a brow at him. A smirk briefly fluttered across his face, not quick enough for you to miss and it left you mentally questioning why you were still listening to him. “I heard you had a date tonight.” He watched you carefully, eyes meticulously observing every slight movement you made; you bit your tongue, not wanting to play into his games. When you gave no visible response, he continued, “Is it true?” He tilted his head innocently, but he was far from it, and you knew that.

You were sure he knew the answer to his own question, so why bother asking? To annoy you, of course.

“You’re a detective, work it out.”

-

Shutting your last folder, you heaved out a long sigh, rubbing the fatigue from your eyes. You were finally done. If you left now, you’d make it back to your apartment with enough time to shower before you needed to get ready and leave.

You grabbed the set of files you had just completed, pushing yourself away from your desk to put them away in the correct places. When you get back to your desk, Captain Woojin is there and you’re already dreading what he has to say.

“You’ve finished, right, y/n?”

Great. He probably had a ton of files in his office that needed completing, if the load in his hand was reflective of anything. He was probably watching and waiting -- like some sort of apex predator, a ravenous shark -- for someone to finish so he could dish out even more files, because who makes plans on a Friday evening? It wouldn’t hurt to lie to him, would it? No harm would be done, right?

“Yeah, I’m done.” You couldn’t lie. It would just hurt your conscience. Maybe this was a sign from the universe to not go on that blind date.

"Great, I can take those files for you, could you just drop this package off at the front desk?"

"Yeah, no problem." Could it be? Freedom? "Is that all?"

"Yes, thank you. Wouldn't want to keep your date waiting, right?"

The smile that had just started forming on your face was instantly wiped away when you saw the small grin on his face. He stacked the remaining files in his hand on Hyunjin's desk before leaving. You barely registered the snickers that left Hyunjin and Seungmin as you said your goodbyes and finally took leave.

Why did you ever think telling Felix about it was a good idea? Damn Detectives and their love for gossip.

-

It was a rush job but you made it on time. Getting home was fairly quick since you missed the rush hour traffic, and you're pretty sure that was the quickest you've ever showered and gotten ready in - if your date didn't appreciate all this effort, you were going to flip.

The place was fairly fancy -- low lighting, regal colours, the whole shebang -- and when the waiter led you to the reserved table, you couldn't help but look around at other diners' plates. Seriously, where was the rest of the meal? What was the point in having great tasting food if it barely filled you up? The pizza place a couple of blocks down seemed much more appealing right now, but you had to at least try to have fun today. 

15 minutes. It had only been fifteen minutes but your eyes were drooping and your date still wasn't here. Once another ten went by, you picked up your phone and messaged the oh-so-amazing friend of yours that had set up this date in the first place.

You: chan???

You: hes not here and im tired, can i go home now??

Chan: He's not? :(

Chan: One sec, I'm messaging him

As you waited, you decided rubbing your freedom in Felix's face was a great pastime.

You: you still alive??

You: actually no, is jisung still alive or have you finally killed him?

Felix: killing him would just be more paperwork that my ass can't handle. I'm seeing folders every time i blink, put me out of my misery

You: you're still there??

Felix: lmao no, the Mins and i escaped, and Cap kicked Sung out when he started singing I Want It That Way

Felix: so your boy Hyunjinnie is the only one there ;^) must be a shit date if you're here texting me, but you could go in and keep him company if you know what i mean ;)))) 

You: i have no idea what you mean

After seeing the series of hearts and kiss emojis he sent you after, you came to the conclusion ignoring Felix was a much better pastime.

Chan: Shit

Chan: Asshole's not replying to me

Chan: I'm sorry y/n :/

Chan: Wtf he left me on read wtf

Chan: I'm pretty sure he's already given his card details to that place, rinse his money

After confirming with your waiter, who probably realised that you had been stood up, you decided to make good on what Chan said and buy some food. If the guy wasn't going to show up, you weren't just going to let an open tab go to waste.

You ordered two of the most expensive meals off the menu and a slice of cheesecake to lift up your mood.

-

Why did the precinct have to be there on your way back? As soon as you passed it, you remembered what Felix said about Hyunjin still being there. You wondered why he was staying back when the others had gotten out earlier, and you blame that reasoning alone for why you turned your car around and headed into the building. 

He really was there. Legs on his desk, keyboard on his lap, typing with one hand and drinking coffee with the other, Hyunjin was a sight to behold. His shirt was crumpled, sleeves creased from being rolled up, and his hair was wild, sticking up at gravity-defying angles. You watched as his eyes skimmed over the text on his computer, unblinking even as he took another sip from the mug.

"Wow, you look like shit." You grinned, dropping the takeaway bags on your desk. You laughed when your presence startled him into jumping, coffee splashing down his forearm, chair rolling away from his desk, keyboard hanging dangerously over the edge.

"Y-You're back?"

"Clearly," amusement never left your eyes as you watched him fix his dishevelled state. You tossed the box of tissues on your desk to him and he smiled in thanks. Once he had finally wiped away the mess, picked up his keyboard and tamed his hair, he leaned back in his chair and swivelled to face you. 

"Bad date?" The smirk on his face did nothing to make you forget the vision you just saw, and you would not let him have the upper hand.

"I just saw you singing Thank you, Next, don't try to mock me."

"I'll buy you coffee for a month if you don't tell the others?"

"Two months."

He huffed, but agreed anyway.

"And you have to get it from Carla's place."

"But that's so far away," he whined, pouting and all.

"I got the whole thing on video, so…"

"I'd be honoured to go!"

After a couple of minutes of (strangely comfortable) silence, you spoke up. "Have you even eaten yet?"

"Must've been a real bad date if you got takeaway," he snorted, rolling his chair to your desk before leaning an elbow on it, "What've you got?"

You pulled out the three containers, pushing one over to Hyunjin. "Ooh, Valentino's, how fancy." He rolled back to his desk, rummaging through a drawer to pull out the cutlery he had stashed there. You did the same as he shimmied back -- you had learned, rather quickly in your first week here, that it was best to keep your dishes safe in your desks if you wanted them to stay clean.

The food was still fairly warm as you ate, but, like all fancy restaurants, there was barely any food there to eat. Even after you split the cheesecake, you could feel your stomach on the edge of rumbling, and taking one look at Hyunjin told you he felt the same.

"You up for Chinese?" He grinned, licking away the remnants of cream from his fork, "I'll even pay."

"You done with your reports?" You glanced at his abandoned computer as he groaned.

"I hate Cap."

You laughed as he dragged a hand down his face, letting out a tired sigh. "He gave you more?"

"Well, yeah, sorta, I kinda asked for them."

"You deserve this then." You chuckled, curiously continuing, "Why'd you do that?"

At that, he chanced a glance at you before looking down at the fork he was twiddling between his fingers. "He was gonna give 'em to you, but I told him you had a date."

You narrowed your eyes at him, "Now why would you do that?"

He shrugged, as though he hadn't just lightened your load despite your rivalry, "You had plans, I didn't. Plus, you could use the break," then, in true annoying Hyunjin fashion, he smirked, "you look like shit."

You didn't dignify that with a verbal response, choosing to kick -- not so lightly -- him in the shin. You grinned at his yelped curse. He leaned down to rub his leg, pouting, "I was kidding- fuck, that hurts, you look…" he took the chance to scrutinise your appearance, eyes dancing with mirth as you shifted under his gaze. "You look okay."

"Okay?"

"Fine." He huffed, "you look fine. Alright. Decent. Nice."

He had rolled back to his desk before you could recognise his rising blush or form a reply. Was that supposed to be a compliment? He was so focussed on his screen now that you decided it must have been a compliment if he was shying away from you now. You smiled at that -- seriously, y/n? falling for the enemy? -- before you grabbed the used cutlery, going to the break room to wash them.

-

Once you finished washing up in the tiny sink, you headed over to Hyunjin. You hid your smirk when he tensed up ever so slightly as you dropped his cutlery on his desk; he took extra care in keeping his eyes on his screen, but you still noticed the slight hitch in the way he tapped at his keyboard, giving away his nerves to your trained eye.

Was he seriously still nervous about having given you a compliment? Did he regret it?

You said nothing, however, choosing to head back to your own desk before leaving the precinct. Without so much as a goodbye, Hyunjin watched -- eyes downcast, yet you'd never know -- as you walked away.

-

Hyunjin was a detective. A damn good detective, and he got your signal loud and clear.

Taking your reports from Woojin was a leap of faith, of sorts; he never intended on telling you that he took them -- or worse, why he really did -- but he thought that lightening your load on a Friday evening was a nice gesture and possibly a step in the right direction.

He thought, for once, the universe was working out in his favour, because even though he had piled on more work for himself than necessary, the stars aligned and you were brought back to him. God, his internal monologue was dramatic.

It was a crush. For the past three weeks and four days, Hyunjin had developed a somewhat crush on you. The teasing continued, of course, but the longing gazes he gave you -- which, thankfully, you never seemed to notice -- made him awfully aware of how much he liked spending time with you, even if you were spitting fire and mocking him.

But now, your rejection was blatantly obvious. Like a siren wailing right in front of him, he got the message. You completely ignored his compliment -- a sad attempt, really, but it was something -- and Hyunjin knew you knew what he was really hinting at (y/n, you look more than just okay, you look--) but words, it seemed, just weren't his forte, and he swivelled his chair away before he had to face the disgust that probably painted your face. And you said nothing. The silence that followed was deafening because he realised his shitty compliment -- yes, he'd finally come to terms that it was pathetic -- had made you feel so awkward, so uncomfortable, that you couldn't even speak to him; instead, he had to listen to water splashing, cutlery tinkling and you walking away.

--stunning.

-

He wasn't asleep. He had half a mind to just shove whoever kept poking him and not letting him wallow in his arms. He was allowed to be sad: the person he kind of, maybe, possibly, had feelings for had just up and left him alone in an empty squad room, he could pout for a few moments longer. The incessant nudges didn't poke through Hyunjin's bubble and it made him wonder, one, who the hell was still touching him? and two, what was the goddamn time, because he was sure the pokes had lasted forever and a day, and he still had two more reports to go over.

On a newly-thought-of third note, it made him finally aware of the scent of spices weaseling into his pity party.

His head snapped up, jaw dropping only slightly when he saw it was you.

Really and truly, you. 

Holding Chinese from that one store just down the road.

Fucking finally, you muttered, but he was still shocked that you were here, on your own chair, but right beside him, with more containers actually filled to the brim with his favourite food from his favourite place.

But more importantly, you were right beside him.

"Dig in," you murmured, waiting for him to start eating first.

You were momentarily blinded by the grin he gave you, before he began eating and you followed.

After you finished eating -- hunger thoroughly sated -- you decided that maybe spending some more time with Hyunjin wouldn't be so bad.

No, you were only going to stay because technically these were your reports and you didn't want to owe him any favours he could use against you. It wasn't because two weeks and five days ago you had developed a small, barely there, practically non-existent, crush on the man beside you.

It certainly wasn't because you were totally aware now of the way he was smiling at you as you proofread the final report.

And it most definitely wasn't because his lips had your own turning up into a smile.

"You're staring." You said, eyes skimming through line after line of police work.

"I know."

"Why?"

"Because…" he trailed off, scooting the slightest bit closer as his arm snaked around the back of your chair so he could roll you even closer too, "you look--"

-

yo pls tell me wtf this is bc i have no idea. it's almost 4am, im at 11% but ya boi is done™ hope u liked this bc i had no idea where i was going with this, the idea was a lot cuter in my head but oh well :'') 

[marinsawakening]

2 3 4 and 7 for ur meme >:3 let the salt come forth

2: Most amatonormative ship?

UHHHHH of all time??? or just in FMA??? oh shit should’ve probably thought this one through before making the ask meme lmao

okay so I’ll do in FMA first because it’s the easiest and uh. that’d be alm/ei. there’s literally no reason for either al or mei to have a love interest, its clearly used as a gag in canon, it was pretty much 100% onesided in canon, but for some godforsaken reason the fandom just?? loves it???? and considers it canon that they’d get married later in life?????? I mean I’m not gonna say that Arakawa wouldn’t agree with that but. she and everyone else is would be wrong. Al is aro and Mei is lithro and they try a relationship post canon but it doesn’t work out bc they’re arospec babe so they decide to be good friends instead and its a relief for everyone involved and that’s the truth.

Of all time…. that’s tough. I’m gonna go with Ca/leo (calypso/leo from the heroes of olympus franchise) even though I’m sure there’s worse things out there because I remember being FUCKED UP MAD when good ol’ uncle rick decided to pair off literally the only character from the original series that didn’t get a love interest because that was LITERALLY HER ENTIRE POINT and then decided to pair of leo because amatonormativity I guess AND THEN decided that they wouldn’t actually work as a couple so he just fucking. changed calypso’s entire personality. and I don’t mind that change much bc I like her better in HOO but YOU CAN’T JUST CHANGE CHARACTERS YOUR NOT HAPPY WITH RICK ESPECIALLY NOT FOR A ROMANCE THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS. anyway im still salty about HOO can you tell.

3. Most amatonormative ship fic trope?

*slams my fist on table* HANAHAKI DISEASE. yes I know that the aro community as a whole is really Done with soulmates and I totally understand and respect that (even if my own feelings are a lot more complicated) bc they’re amatonormative as heckie and much more widespread but like. the entire concept of hanahaki disease is ‘if someone doesn’t love you back you will get TERMINALLY ILL” and I mean??? who the fuck???? thought this was cute????? seriously what the fuck.

4. What popular ship has the least chemistry?

Well I already used alm/ei so and I’m disqualifying ro/yed on grounds of wanting to make this fun so…. pissing people off lets go with edw/in. it sucks. its bad for winry’s character development and completely superfluous to the story. we gain absolutely nothing by having ed and winry be romantically involved. they work way better and are way cuter as friends, and we would lose no story beats whatsoever except for the proposal at the end which was awkward as fuck in my opinion. like if your ship contains canon dialogue like “were his shoulders always so broad” (or something either way it was winry busing about Ed’s shoulders which…. is that a thing? that I missed?) and “wait at home and bake me an apple pie” (again, something among those lines), that’s…. not great chemistry. sorry you guys i just don’t see it. 

7. Which ship discourse is the funniest?

*pulls out my time in the VLD fandom* LET ME TELL YOU A THING

(under the cut because this shit is too fucking long)

okay so for the most part the VLD fandom wasn’t actually…. that bad. I mean it was childish and volatile as fuck and everyone was really hostile to each other don’t get me wrong, but honestly, it’s not the worst fandom experience I’ve ever had, and once I managed to carve out a little niche for myself it was pretty enjoyable (also a lot of the fans were autistic which. neat). 

but there was one event in that fandom that just fucking. killed me. and I’m still not over it. 

so once every three months or so (on average, sometimes it’d happen multiple times a month and sometimes it’d say quiet for months on end) we had some Major Bullshit happen that got on top of the regular ship wars. sometimes it was something a cast member (Pidge’s voice actress, usually) had said or reblogged, sometimes it was new age ‘confirmation’ that just added wood to the fire of the regular discourse, sometimes it was a new Hot Take™ on the show that everyone loved for a while until someone inevitably pointed out that it was ooc/problematic/etc. and then everyone hated it, etc. etc. pretty standard volatile fandom stuff, all things considered, with the vast majority of the discourse having valid points but being taken way out of proportion because of the sheer size of the fandom.

the shaladin discourse is definitely a good example of that. the main point of the anti side in that discourse is ‘hey don’t ship shiro with the other paladins he is an adult and they are teenagers’ and the point of the anti anti side is ‘don’t tell me what to do you pearl clutching purists’ which. i mean im clearly biased here. but the discourse was blown so far out of proportion, primarily because, again, this fandom is too fucking big, but also because a lot of people involved in the discourse were kids themselves. you basically had a bunch of 14/15-year-olds who by and large haven’t quite mastered critical thinking yet yelling at each other in debates that got very emotional very easily. (not saying this to be condescending, lord knows we should all be happy that I wasn’t into fandom when I was fifteen or I would’ve 100% been the person going ‘well actually it’s called ephebophilia get your terms right’ so we all dodged a bullet there. but im just saying that, historically, young teenagers don’t have the best trackrecord for rational, calm discussions, and it really showed.)

so, why am I taking the time to tell you all of this? so that you have proper context to how stupidly ridiculous this discourse was on a regular basis. many (most) of the people in this fandom seemed to totally forget that, while telling people not to ship pedophilia or stuff like that is generally pretty important, it’s ultimately still fandom bullshit and doesn’t really, actually matter that much in the grand scheme of things. it very quickly became a very strong ‘us vs. them’ mentality on both sides that resulted in actually pretty seriously toxic behaviour like death threats (although the anti side definitely had more of a tendency to go witch hunting after people, shaladins were absolutely not exempt from Bullshit, as you’ll see below). like i shit you not we were all genuinely waiting for the time someone would get stabbed irl over it or something, it was so tense.

and at some point, at what I consider the height of this stupid discourse, came Operation Shalanonymous.

I might be getting the name wrong, but they genuinely called it something like that, with a serious graphic behind it. I shit you not. This whole thing was so, so surreal.

Operation Shalanonymous was literally a spyop. A 15-year-old shaladin (and maybe some others, I don’t remember) who at the time went by the url ‘theblackguardianofsheith’ or something similar (they deleted, to my knowledge, and I hope they’re living their best life) pretended to be an anti and went ‘undercover’ in an anti discord server, with the purpose of ‘exposing’ the antis for what they really were. they gathered a bunch of screenshots and such, and then released them all as ‘damning evidence’ onto Tumblr, claiming that they showed evidence of sexual harrassment and hypocrisy, among other things. 

I can’t remember all of the accusations, but some were pretty serious, so I took the time to go through the screenshots and found… very little. there were some distasteful remarks here and there in the form of ‘i wanna kill [insert shaladin]’ that the mods shouldn’t have let slide, and a childish, kinda sexualizing derogatory nickname for the shaladin in question in the form of ‘hunty’, but those two things were really the worst of it. yes, this behaviour was bad and the mods shouldn’t have let it slide or participated in it, but all in all? not worth an entire spyop. if anything, what I found much more damning was that the shaladin (who, as a reminder, was 15 as well) had written a couple of little notes on the screenshots drawing attention to some particular messages of a then 13-year-old anti who said they had a crush on shiro. the notes themselves would’ve been nothing more than childish IF that same 13-year-old hadn’t just come out of a massive dogpiling attack where they were repeatedly misgendered and accused of wanting to have sex with adults themself despite them being a csa survivor. so attempting to throw back to that discourse to ‘prove’ some kind of hypocrisy was distasteful at best and honestly, it did not make them look very good.

so yeah. as you can imagine, the discord members and mods took that very well, and just. for a while, Operation Shalanonymous was this actual Thing, where shaladins were crying that the antis were finally exposed and the antis were accusing the spying shaladin of sending graphic rape porn into the chat to shock users, which the 15-year-old shaladin refuted by saying that they were attempting to get them to do something about it (apparently they were trying to get it taken down or something, but I genuinely have no clue why they thought the antis could help with that, but then again, this whole situation was so far-fetched and there was little evidence provided that this was actually ‘graphic rape porn meant to scar csa survivors’, like the antis claimed either, so like. i don’t fucking know), and accusations went back and forth for a while. it was a mess.

and this, this right fucking here, is hands down the most childish, most distasteful, most useless ship discourse that I’ve ever encountered. not only did someone actually take the time and energy to pretend to be an anti for quite some time in order to ‘spy’ on antis, they also decided to, in all seriousness, release the screenshots under the actual fucking name ‘Operation Shalanonymous’, dropping them like they were the fucking panema papers. like guys??? you know this is the fucking voltron fandom, not goddamn wikileaks, right???? these are not state secrets you’re releasing. they’re screenshots from a fandom chat. it. doesn’t. matter. that. much.

there were some genuinely horrifying things that went down during this whole debacle, and I probably shouldn’t find it as funny as I do, since this really was a prime example of how toxic people can get when they think they’re in the right, especially when the person in question is a teenager (who, again, don’t have the best track record for emotional regulation and foresight). but I just fucking can’t take this shit serious. you gotta remember that a 15-year-old was mostly heading this thing, and it really shows; the whole entire set-up and pay-off was just overwhelmingly childish, and it makes me so, so glad that I wasn’t into fandom at that age, because who knows what shit I would’ve pulled. and I just can’t stop imagining what everyone involved will think of this shit when they’re in their twenties or thirties. because god. ship discourse does not matter this much, guys. it really, really doesn’t, and this whole debacle was nothing but an embarrassment for everyone involved. 

so anyway that was hands down the most ridiculous ship discourse I’ve ever witnessed, thanks for coming to my history lesson.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true