#im such a small blog too why does my presence upset you

[miyaur]

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮. ft. diluc

— what is he like when you both finally become a thing? and how does it happen? what happens after you both get married, lets see! ♡

⟢ Sypnosis﹒ basic sfw/nsfw hcs on genshin men once you date them!!

⤷ ﹒ notes ♩ WAAA i just fixed my blog n fixed school, and i wanna change to kokomi/blue pink & green theme bro, anywaysss.... im back from my hiatus YIPPEE!!!!

⟢ Warnings﹒ no spoilers that is important to the in-game storyline, mentions of death (diluc fatherlessness), THESE HAVE NSFW HEADCANNONS AT THE END.

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐑, what was he like when he first met you?

・whether you'd be the Traveler's friend from another nation, or even outside this world, or if you were just one of Kaeya's new drinking buddies, nevertheless you caught his eye in particular.

・you weren't really obnoxious, unlike someone else who drinks at the tavern often, green fading to blue hair, short, and has an anemo vision.. well you could control your alcohol consumption pretty well, you could drink a lot and still not be that drunk at all, plus, he'd never admit it before, but you were stunning. not like the other drunkards he met at his tavern.

・specifically taking shifts only whenever you arrived, but that's just a coincidence he says. you usually would just strike up conversations once Kaeya had gone, or that he was too drunk to talk (lol), it was just you trying to get to know him, to your surprise though, he would reply, even if it was a dry, cold response, he also tried to put a bit of effort into talking to you. when a particular pointed it out he would get a free bottle of dandelion wine, and a treat to able to hear you laugh a bit.

・he can be a bit unwelcoming at times, but whenever you spoke to him, that changed. slowly warming up to you, you both had pleasing conversations, as chaos of drunkards in the background rose, yet you both paid no mind, just you and him, no one else.

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐑, how would he act once he realized he liked you, romantically?

・probably would be in major denial, attachment issues too. he's scared you leave him like everyone else, he's scared that he'll hurt you without meaning too. tries to push the feelings away, plus, you probably only like him as a friend, right? he would slightly, very slightly, gaslight himself into thinking you only like him as a good friend, or not a friend at all

・next stage; anger, he is probably a bit upset with himself that he fell for you, but who could blame him, you treated him like an equal, your bright smile could immediately make his day, your voice could soothe his mind, your body was like candy to his eyes, everything about you he loved, he was frustrated, why did he love you so much? whenever you arrived into the tavern at night, his face would light, and a small smile would cover his face, no one has done for him, ever.

・bargaining; like i said he would maybe gaslight himself into thinking you don't like him like that, and maybe tried to ignore you too. that's hard, especially since the whole my shift is when you arrive thing is there now.. well he just tries to not make an effort in his conversations with you anymore, but you do, and that gives him a real hard time. he gave up eventually.

・depression; he's scared that he's lowkey accepting that he likes you, has actually now taken into account if you liked him back. when he finally opens his heart to someone other than himself. after his father's death, he wasn't the same person. Kaeya noticed that too, you could make him feel better within seconds of being in his presence, it felt like home, something he never felt before. made him take a few days off of shifts at the tavern, burying himself in work, paperwork that had been recently given so not much work was had to be done, trying to distract himself from you was hard. he gave up a bit later, he decided to escort you home.

・acceptance; probably a year into meeting you, he'd accept that he liked you, wow, that took a while, but bro has issues, what do you expect.. anyways, he does acknowledge his love for you very clearly. accepted, accepts, whatever, he is now aware he loves you, but even during the 1st year you both met, he's taken note of your reactions to his words, to what he does, and did. he makes sure that when he does end up confessing, that he doesn't get rejected and ruins your friendship. even taking so long to observing you a bit more for 3 months, just to see if you'd accept his offer to go out with him, he didn't really have to wait that long, you'd also fallen in love at first sight. finally after so long, he takes you both on your first date!

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐑, where would he take you both on your first date?

・picnic dates on top. the classic clichè restaurant date is a close second, and coffee dates at home or at a small cat cafe is a good tie. picnic dates with him would probably be near the dawn winery, maybe even picking out good grapes for grape juice and make some at home, he knows how to make homemade fruit juice, just give him good fruit, that's it and he'll make yum yum smoothies. probably would tell adelinde that he'll cook for any upcoming picnic dates you guys have. ・next upcoming dates would always be a surprise though, he isn't always the man to do the same thing over and over again, restaurant dates with him feel like a dream though! he rents out the whole place, so that's it's just both of you, and from past conversations whenever he's asked you about things, he does take note mentally about your favorite food, favorite place, etc. he'll probably try to learn how to make the dishes you love too! ・coffee dates at home, definitely just both of you cuddling and spending time together by talking to each other, or going out for a walk, probably would also have set up something so that both of you could stargaze at night when ever meteor shower were scheduled that day. very thoughtful, will gift you whatever you frequently talk about things like jewelry, he'll buy whatever's best fitting to you, he loves seeing you wear what he bought, definitely does something to him. ・he probably asks lisa and jean for advice, they both laugh at him lmao, "i'm happy you both are together, after so long, but nothing gives me a laugh more than diluc trying to ask for help from us is something out of the ordinary", jean probably nods and laughs with her girlfriend too, but they do give him good advice trying to help you both, lots of laughs through out it though hehe. 𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐑, when will he propose? did it go wrong, but in a right way? or did it go according to how he wanted it to go?

・probably does go according to what he planned, maybe after 2/4+ years or being together, he'd start thinking about marriage, and having a family with you. very often in the 1st or 2nd year of dating/being his partner, he'd start to think, and maybe even once asked you if you ever wanted to get married one day. marriage with you, or having a family in general, was constantly on his mind, and never left. also to answer the question if he wants kids; yes, 1-3. ・did it go wrong in a good way, or did it go accordingly; it went accordingly, it went well, he's super happy, he had given you a whole speech, holding your hand, he memorized the speech by heart, the whole time he's on the verge of tears and slowly getting on one knee once he's almost done with the speech, and brings out a beautiful ruby jewel on the top, with a gold mixed with silver base, he thinks it compliments your beauty. probably had rented out a restaurant for it, to make it seem like a normal date. took you out to a secret hangout of his that he decorated with plants that only shine in the night. ・in a way, it went both ways too, putting that ring on your ring finger was an amazing feeling, he fell in love all over again, both of you have tears running down each other's cheeks, this was one of the happiest nights ever, before you both had your wedding a month later. your wedding is probably lowkey private, inviting mostly who are fairly close to you guys; jean, lisa, kaeya, the traveler, paimon, etc.!! (jean catches the bouquet when you do the bouquet toss thing)

NSFW HEADCANNONS. read at ur own risk ♡

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐑, general nsfw hcs :D ・likes being in control probably, maybe breeding kink, but he probably just wants you and him to feel good, your body is his no. 1 kink. maybe corruption kink too though, anyways medium/high sex drive-ish, doesn't masturbate that much, usually gets turned on by revealed skin, like revealing clothing on you gets him going, like i said, mostly anything that concerns your body, is what he definitely loves the most, everything about you gets him going, probably jerked off to you once or twice before you guys started dating, he's probably sensitive too, pretty prone to orgasms, doesn't cum that quick i guess ・probably pulls your head closer to his shaft while you're blowing him, maybe 6.325 flaccid, 8.459 hard. his pounds get harder the more you guys are into the moment. like in the heat of the moment he probably degrades you, he doesn't mean it and reassures you during aftercare sessions. loves it when you look at him in the eyes, likes it a bit too much actually, positions he loves is anything that concerns you looking at him, and him getting to see your whole body. ・i feel like he tops more often, but is a switch, he leans to dominating much more. but if he was a submissive baby, praise him, like a lot. mark his body, let him know he's yours. pound him hard while you tell him praise, with your strap/dick, he'll absolutey fall. hearing how he makes you feel, makes him even more horny too. ・he sucks the life out of ur dick/pussy, like it's unreal. will not waste any drop of your cum. oh by the way suck his nipples while fucking his hole :D!! ・after everything's done, aftercare with him is great. loves showering with you after, lots of praise after everything's done because he wants you to remember he still cares about you, want you to remember that.

[happyandticklish]

im so sorry to come to you with this, you don't even really know me and you most definitely don't have to respond to this but it's so hard to turn anywhere else with the truth

every minute has felt so suicidal for so long, everything is always either black and white or It feels like a group of people are screaming at me in my head and everyday I sleep in until I can't sleep anymore, I couldn't care less about the outcomes to being lazy or not eating enough because it feels like if something goes seriously wrong, I'll always have suicide to lean back on. It's more than I can bear and I don't even know why I'm sticking through. I'm appreciative for what I have but at the same time I can't stop myself from desperately wanting to end everything and that just makes it all feel even more guilty. Nearly every waking moment Its all just so tired and dark, the only good memories that keep me holding on lately are the ones that've happened in good dreams. I just don't know where to turn to, I used therapy and hotlines out until every session felt the same and I don't want to feel this way. I want to push through and finally move on from the people who have drifted but I really just don't want anyone different than them, I want to call with someone again and be comforted when I hear their voice through the other end because I feel so much safer in company on calls with people. I want to live with a dog someday and feel comforted by the knowledge that I'm not alone so long I've got my companion. It's all gone, I don't know what happened and I want to work on myself and fix everything but the weight is too much, there's too much I have to do in my life and with my parents getting more and more upset with me the longer it takes to finish my work I expect to be yelled at every day and I hate that it breaks me down to nothing every time until I can't think of a reason to move or eat or breathe

It's so difficult, I just don't know how to do this and I don't feel like I can properly turn anywhere else and I'm sorry to burden you with this all of a sudden

on a lighter note I really do like your blog and it's presence helped me find a flicker of light at times

TW Mention of Suicidal Thoughts

Hey anon. I can't know the circumstances of what you're going through, or how it's affected you. But I do know that what you're doing right now, reaching out for help, is super important, and I'm very proud of you for doing so. It's not easy coming to someone with this, and it can make you feel vulnerable in ways you may not be super comfortable with. But I'm extremely glad you did!

Throughout life, we go through stages. Sometimes you have moments where your life feels like its soaring, and like everything around you is exactly as you want to be. And then there are times when we feel like we can't do anything right, and that there's no one around us who can possibly take the place of the people who were there before. And the truth is, no one probably can. You can't replace people in your life, you merely find new people who you care about deeply as well. Whoever they were, it's clear they made a heavy impact on your life, and were people that you shared a lot of love with. I can promise you now that you're going to find people like that again. I've gone through moments in my life where it felt like I had no one, and all the people I had held close had either drifted away or left. And it was hard, and took time, and putting myself out there, but now I'm surrounded by loving people who care about me, and that I care about just as much. I don't forget the people I used to know, but I hold onto the memory of the time we spent together. It's important not to sour that time in your mind, but also to keep from clinging to it. Moving on is a natural part of human existence. And it's hard, and painful, but eventually, you will be okay.

You are you're own human being. You don't owe your work or your time to anyone. You are allowed to live your life however you want it. If what you are doing now doesn't feel right, then don't do it. Find something that you care about, whether it's big or small, and create ways to incorporate that into your life. If work is stressing you out, and the pressure from family to complete it, try talking to them. It might be hard, and they might not get it at first, but it's important to communicate your needs. Explain how it's making you feel, the guilt and the anxiety, and work together to try to find a new system that works better. If they truly love you, they'll listen to what you have to say.

Lastly, there are people who care about you. Even if it feels like you are all alone, like nothing matters, there are people out there where your existence matters to them. Someone thinks about your smile, something you said that made them laugh, thinks warmly on times where they spoke with you. Someone loves all the things about you that make you you-the good and the bad.

You are not a burden. You are a human just like the rest of us, which makes your life one that is infinitely important. Take things slow. Do them at your own pace. But try, because life is incredible, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I hope this helps, at least a little, to ease some of the pain you are dealing with. But at the very least, know that I care about you, even if I don't know you. Someone does care.

You are loved. Remember that.

[dazed--xx]

Useless

Request: Can you do a one shot were you fight and he says something that really hurt you bc you were insecure about that and then you act kinda distant and idk can it fluff and angst pretty please 🥺 I love your blog 💜(tae)

Summary:  “Maybe I wanted to have some time to myself for a change? Did you ever think about that? Maybe I didn’t want some clingy leach attached to my hip at every second of the fucking day... I finally wanted to be able to fucking breathe. Like damn I can see why your parents didn’t want you... you're fucking useless....” The foul insults like venom. Useless... He thinks you're useless...

Member: Taehyung x Idol!reader

Word Count: 2,276

Genre: Angst, light smut, light fluff

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE

A/N: Shout out to the reader who requested my first Tae one shot, hope you enjoy. I got some big things planned to come out so i hope yall follow make sure you check out my masterlist for other stories 

(Not my gif)

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“Y/N!!” Tae shouts from the living room finally acknowledging my presence for the first time today. Waking me from a dead sleep, that falling feeling startling. “Y/N!!!” His voice booming. Sluggishly, WHAT TIME IS IT?? 1:54 am the alarm clock reads I scream into the pillow and make my wake to the living room. The bright light blinding, Tae on the couch with Jungkook. “Yes?” the annoyance in my tone evident. “We’re hungry can you make us something please?” THE FUCKING NERVE!!!! I roll my eyes “Did you speak to me for the last 16 hours?” confusion creeping onto his face at my passive aggressive attitude. Jungkook’s face contorts obviously uncomfortable. “I was just asking you to make us food, no need to be a bitch about it ill just order out” He snaps back “and by the way if you have something to fucking say then say it I don’t appreciate the off handed comments especially when you could have come to me as well and speak to me..” his eyes roll, Jungkook eyeing the door “WELL!.... this has been......fun. I'm gonna head out. Sorry Y/N didn’t mean to upset you” I smile at his friendliness. “Goodnight Jungkookie, I'll see you next time okay I'm sorry to make you feel uncomfortable.” I escort him out the door.  

Tae’s eyes fuming as I turn around. “Look what you fucking did! You made him leave all because of you’re stupid fucking attitude!” He shouts, throwing his controller on the ground smashing it. “You couldn’t just say you didn’t fucking feel like it instead of pushing my friend out the fucking door” fear creeping up in my body. Me and Tae have fought before but he’s never raised his voice like this. He’s never been THIS angry before. “Tae, I’m sorry but I was sleeping and-” “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING?” his terrifying voice booming. Tears sting my eyes all my anger from the day boiling over as the confession spews out of my mouth “NO YOU DON’T BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK I DO TODAY WAS A CLEAR INDICATION OF THAT NO? YOU HAVE A FUCKING DAY OFF AND YOU LITERALLY SPEND IT IGNORING ME AND PLAYING YOUR STUPID ASS GAME. I ASK YOU TO TAKE A WALK WITH ME AND YOURE TOO TIRED. I ASK YOU TO TAKE A NAP WITH ME YOU WANT TO BE UP. SO, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT HUH? SO, WHEN I FINALLY, FINALLY FALL ASLEEP YOU WANT TO FUCKING WAKE ME UP TO ASK ME TO COOK FOR YOU AND JUNGKOOK?????????”  

“Maybe I wanted to have some time to myself for a change? Did you ever think about that? Maybe I didn’t want some clingy leach attached to my hip at every second of the fucking day... I finally wanted to be able to fucking breathe. Like damn I can see why your parents didn’t want you... you're fucking useless....” The foul insults like venom. Useless... He thinks you're useless...

*10 YEARS AGO,*

“Y/N! YOU RUINED IT! IT WAS MY FAVORITE AND YOU BROKE IT!!” My older sister shouts, as her hand harshly cracks along my cheek. Tears stream down my face, “I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to...” I whimper. The mirror on the ground shattered like my heart, my sisters rough hand shoves me to my knees. Glass stabbing at my skin like a thousand knives, her hand in my hair. “CLEAN IT NOW!!!” Her shouting alerts my mother. “Y/S/N? What's going on?” My mother's soft voice asks as she comes into the room. “Tsk....Y/N what did you do now?” Annoyance in her tone, her eyes rolling. “She broke my mirror. She broke my favorite mirror....she's so useless mom why is she here she needs to go.” My sister whined.  

“Let her go, Y/N pick this up and come to my room...” the tone dark. Fear taking a hold of my chest. Whilst cleaning the mirror my sisters torture did not end glass penetrated my hand every time, she shoved me over as I held each shard with care. Dread fills me as the mirror is completely clean. Slowly, I trek to my mother's room my 12-year-old frame trembling as I stand in front of my mother's door heart beating threatening to burst out of my chest.  

“Y/N LETS GO NOW” my mother shouts from the other side of the door. The beating didn’t last too long the pain only temporary; the lecture lasted a lifetime the pain forever. “Why do you have to be so damn useless huh? It's like you enjoy ruining our lives, you never seem to do anything right and I'm so god damn tired of fucking covering for you. SO, you need to go, I don’t care where it is you go but it's not here. I want you out by tomorrow and don’t take none of that expensive shit that’s mine”. I was out within the hour, terrified of what may come if I lasted until tomorrow. Rushing out of the door at 3 am with all of my essential belongings in hand, with no destination in sight.  

Months go by living all around Seoul at parks, bus stations, motels when I get really lucky. Singing in the street to come up with a few dollars to eat. Some days I didn’t make enough and I would slip items in my clothes, becoming quite the “artist”.  One day, I’m singing in front of a small store front 2 gentlemen dressed lavishly listening intently phone recording as my verse comes to an end. Their eyes burning holes into me as a blush creeps up onto my face. The crowd disperses at the top of my hat a business card BIG HIT ENTERTAINMENT. Confusion strikes me turning the card over. A small hand written note and address on the back ‘TOMORROW 2 PM’. My heart races WHAT????

*TRAINEE DAYS*

“Y/N-AH STOP BEING SO DAMN USELESS AND PLEASE HIT THE BEAT ON THE RIGHT COUNT!” My groups dance lead, Hye-un shouts. Fury in her eyes, “Seriously we probably would have debuted by now if you could do something right like you can't sing, you can't dance...what can you do huh?? Stand there? Remember you’re only here because Namjoon oppa felt bad for you.” her words cut like knives. “Namjoon oppa thinks I'm good..” I mutter weakly, under my breathe as tears slide down my face. Every girl laughs, “No, honestly no one does like come on, you can't see it, He felt bad for you idiot. You were homeless and needed a place to go.” Jisoo snaps. Her words breaking my heart, grabbing my bag and dashing toward the door. They won't get to see me cry...not like that... not for them.  

Running down the hallway, hunting for the farthest studio away from them to release my demons. THUD! “Oof DUDE WATCH WHERE YO-” The loud voice cut off “LOOK IM NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD MOVE” I shout as I stand up to run past the stranger. “Damn... Okay... rude... are you okay though you look like you’re crying” He says as I wipe my eyes getting a clear view of the man that I've collided with. A blush instantly creeping on my face as the familiar face becomes recognizable and my head shoots down, Taehyung oppa. All the anger in me fades quickly as the god like man shifted. My voice is shaky, “IM SO SORRY, I wasn’t paying attention. I'm just having a rough morning. I should get going, I'm so sorry... I..Um...S-Sorry” He chuckles “Ha, you said that already...3 times in fact” a small giggle escapes my lips.

“So, I know you don’t know me or anything but I’m a great listener. Maybe you can tell me what's going on, it might help” He says sincerely. Hesitant, I look down “um....-” “Look, don’t worry if you don’t want to physically tell me give me your number you can text it to me then that way you and I don’t have to be face to face and it can help you to get more out that sound good?” I nod as he pulls out his phone and asks for mine. His number in my phone as Tae<3. A smile creeps up onto my face as he pulls me into a hug. My body melts into his like I've known him for years. “Okay so I'll talk to you later” A smile on his face as he walks off.  

Blushing, as realization dawns on me as I pull my phone out to text him.  

*PRESENT*  

From there I told Tae everything, my fears, my past, insecurities. Useless....that's all I’ve ever been. My sobs no longer able to be held back as they barrel their way through my chest. “F-fin-ne then Tae you won't have to worry about me being in your way anymore” I whisper as I turn around and walk into the bedroom Tae and I share. Locking the door behind me I curl up in bed and let the tears take over me. Mama never loved you, the girls never wanted you to debut with them, they made you go solo because of how useless the group thought you were, You're so fucking useless to Tae. I ruin fucking everything I'm sorry Tae. The tears putting you to sleep eventually.  

TAE’S POV  

FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!! FUCK! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO???????!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!! The regret fills my mind as the bedroom door locks in my face. Her sobs filling the apartment, my heart cracking at the sound. Sitting outside of the door listening to the love of my life cry herself to sleep in our bedroom, alone, because of me. Baby I'm so sorry...you know I never would mean anything like that, but the words never come out.  

Nothing can physically come out as my heart pounds in my throat terrified of what tomorrow could bring. Would she leave? NO! Tae don’t think like that Y/N loves you and she’ll know you could never mean that...right? Tears streaming down my face at the thought. You fucked up...you fucking hurt her in one of the worst fucking ways possible. There's no way she's going to forgive you. Trudging back to the couch as I let the tears consume me.  

Y/N’S POV

The sun beaming in my eyes, burning, as I blink myself awake. Eyes sore, Tae’s words resting at the front of my mind. Making my way to the restroom, the second the door is open Tae is in front of me on his knees. “Baby, I’m an asshole okay but I love you and-and I'm sorry” He pleads as he wraps his arms around my waist head resting against my stomach. Disgust filling me, “Move, I have to use the restroom” Tae’s saddened figure retreats back to the living room defeated. Tears stream down my face as the hot water from the shower soaks me. My pain evident, Tae shuffling outside of the bathroom door every few minutes whispering to himself before disappearing back into the living room.  

Placing one of my tank tops and sweat pants on, I make my way out of the bathroom. Tae rushing behind me as I walk back into the bed room. The saddened puppy looks still on his face. His regret in his eyes, his face is puffy and red proof he’s been crying over his words. The sight weakening my angry state as he reaches for my face and looks into my eyes caressing my cheek. His gaze drifting to my lips, slowly leaning forward he brushes his lips against mine looking for some form of consent. My eyes close as he presses forward and kisses me with so much emotion, his tongue delving in to my mouth and tasting me. A slight moan released from his lips as he presses me against the bedroom door slamming it shut. He lifts my right leg over his waist pulling me closer, as lips slide down to my neck. The way his tongue attacks my neck, drawing a puddle in my panties, his member grinding against me hard as a rock. The need for more grows inside me as Tae pulls his lips off of my body as he whispers in my ear his voice shaky and terrified “I-I’m so s-sorry, I love you and you’re not useless. I didn’t mean it. I could never mean it, you’re perfect I swear. And I'm such an ass for saying something like that there’s no excuse for what I said but please, okay, I'm BEGGING you don’t leave me.”  

A tear slides down my face as he shakes, crying into my ear wrapping his arms around my waist. Tae’s sadness washing away any animosity toward him at his words. “Baby... you hurt me but I'd never leave you. You're all I have and I'm never giving you up” I hug him back. His smile against my neck. “I don’t deserve you.....I'm sorry” I nod and run my hands through his hair. “SO! Were you just being a tease or are you gonna finish what you started?” I ask seductively as I put Tae’s hand in my pants, a smirk creeps onto his face.  

“Oh, Kitten, I have so many plans for us today”  

[imma-lil-teapot]

TMNT 2003/2k3 Headcanon: Crying - (Leonardo)

Feel free to scroll past this first part if you’re not interested in my silly rambling and nonsense. I won’t mind. Promise. ;)

Okey-dokey then, with the global epidemic that is the Coronavirus well in action and most of the world stuck in lockdown (starting this Friday for us too), felt like getting the ‘ol creative juices flowing with a little headcanon-y thingy in preparation for -possibly- more fandom writings to keep myself busy during the house arrest (well... it kinda is!) and hopefully my mind off all the bad news. :( 

Also, this is totally my first one on the blog! WOOT! Please bear in mind that I’m SUPER rusty! Haven’t written in ages so there are bound to be typos and all matter of general errors scattered throughout the post. Don’t pet them! They bite!  

Anyhoo~ Despite attempting to create and share with the goal in mind to uplift spirits, I decided to start on a rather upsetting subject (PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! They end on happy notes ;) ) because, Imma just come and say it, I enjoy seeing my favourite characters shed tears (not for just any old reason -their personality plays a huge role in this- and CERTAINLY not for sadistic reasons, land sakes no! But... well, you’ll see~ ;) ) It makes me all gooey and fuzzy inside to see them display such raw emotion and I just wanna leap into the TV screen to hug and console them. I dunno why. Maybe I’m nuts like that. (Remembers Raph crying at the farm when Leo was badly injured and wishes she could just hug them all and take away the pain) Oh well, if you enjoy visualizing the same, then *High Fives*. :)

So yeah, if you read the title, you’ll know this is based on the 2003/2k3 series (my favs). Hope you all enjoy~ :D Grab tissues cause sad turts ahead! :’(

Jibber jabber stops here~

TURTLES~

LEONARDO - You are here

RAPHAEL

DONATELLO - Coming soon

MICHELANGELO - Coming soon

WARNING(S): Because of the subject, Angst and Hurt/Comfort will be present.

RATING: G (General)

WORD COUNT: Don’t have the foggiest.

ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD:

And apparently gifs too, so without further ado: (Completely unintentional but in actuality, totally intentional rhyming)...

TO THE HEADCANONS~~~~

~LEONARDO~

-- It’s no easy feat to make the leader in blue turn on the waterworks. Leo won’t cry for any old reason. It’s not because he has no emotions, far from it, but being the leader of a small ninja clan -who happen to be family as well- is no easy task in itself: he has a lot on his young shoulders and deals with many issues on a daily basis few his age ever have to.

-- It’s because of these reasons that Leo doesn’t cry often. One of the lesser likely to out of the four brothers. But when he does, it’s an emotionally distressing sight to behold. 

-- Leo tends to cry whenever those closest to him -namely his brothers, his father/master and truest friends- are severely injured or are in a dire situation. Remember his angry/moody arc? The thought of losing any of them causes him great pain and distress, especially if he were the cause of any of it, and when that happens, he can’t stop the dampness that forms around his eyes and soaks into his mask. 

-- He’s not fond of crying, especially in front of others, even though he fully comprehends its normalcy. He feels he needs to be everyone’s rock, their fortress of physical and emotional stability to turn to for strength when things get rough... So when the tears start to fall, he feels he can’t show them, can’t allow them to watch him crumble under the gripling weight of helplessness and anguish.

-- He frantically wipes at his eyes and desperately attempts not to sniffle, but it’s a hopeless battle, for his tears are already a steady stream. 

-- He’ll try to hide when possible, usually retreating to his room to allow the worst of the emotions to spill over before returning to the others... Though he may be in there a while: when Leo lets his emotions go, it can be just as powerful as his red-banded brother’s rage. 

-- He spares no time in making sure the coast is clear for the tears are already streaming by the time he reaches his futon, and there’s no stopping them now as he lets himself drop to his knees, only halfway onto the mattress. He purposefully leaves the room unlit, cloaking his form in the darkness. 

-- He sniffs a few times as he shuffles up against the wall, sitting upright against it, bringing his legs up and hugging them loosely and droops his head against a single knee pad. 

-- His voice desperately wishes to escape. To express its misery. But he won’t allow it to, often placing one hand over his face in a bid to quell the sadness and remain silent in the battle against his own inner turmoil. He refuses to let anyone see him in that state of utter sorrow and vulnerability.

-- He whimpers ever so slightly and coughs a few times as breathing becomes difficult. He knows this episode won’t be over any time soon. Fortunately, he keeps some tissues next to his bed for such rare occasions and tries not to blow too loudly. He thinks back to the last time he cried so hard... It’s been a while. It felt like a build up. 

-- Time has been forgotten as he’s lost in deep thought. By the time he slips a hand across his eyes, only the material of his mask is still slightly damp. He clears his nostrils a couple of times before considering whether he was ready to return to his family. He’d of course straighten up his bedding beforehand, and would also require a trip to the bathroom to wash his face. A true ninja leaves no evidence. 

-- Leo tries to put the horrifying images out of head before leaving his quarters. He doesn’t wish to be weighed down again and thus maybe cause his emotions to come out a second time. He knew someone would catch on that time. Instead, he holds his head up high, focusing on the there and now to carry him forward.  

BONUS EXTRA~

-- Failure is also one of his greatest foes. Leo despises it, but not in the irrational sense; he fully comprehends that in order to grow, one has to lose in order to learn and thus, succeed in turn, and while it can frustrate him when he’s unsuccessful at mastering a martial arts technique for example, he understanders it’s part of the process and that no one’s perfect. 

-- It’s when his slipups could spell casualties or death to his family and/or friends is when it weighs down on him like a boulder strapped to his shell. 

-- A really big one. 

-- And it hurts. So much so that it causes him to become despondent and often teary-eyed when no one’s looking.

-- Boi Bloo might also cry from especially sad movie scenes. He gets seriously into the story, and when the scene is just right -perfect music, perfect timing etc.- you may just catch Fearless with watery eyes. 

-- He can’t help it. After all, he’s a leader, and very caring and kind-hearted individual, so movies showing children or anyone/anything defenceless getting hurt has him not only visibly upset, but also angry at the cause. He’s a softie like that. 

-- He won’t have a meltdown, of course, but the tears are definitely there. Just don’t tease him too much; he’s easily embarrassed by it. ;) 

BONUS EXTRA EXTRA FEMALE READER OR S/O EDITION~ (Can also use an OC/FC insert if you wish, up to you)

You had figured something was up by the time you’d finished greeting everyone in the Splinterson household except for the Turtle you’d long to see most and he hadn’t made his presence yet known. 

The idea that he must’ve been practicing or meditating swiftly vanished when Mikey told you he’d been in his room in the dark for the past few hours. “The guy hardly ever naps, and even so, never this long.” He’d told you. “I dunno, (Y/N), we were about to check on ‘im when you arrived, but maybe you should be the one to. Think he’d really appreciate it.” And there was absolutely no argument from your side as you were already making your way up to the room.

You didn’t know what to expect as you neared the doorway. Could he possibly still just be sleeping? Meditating in the dark instead of his usual spot by the training area? Or... was he sick? The latter now had you concerned and you picked up your pace... Only to pause mid step when an unmistakable sound reached your ears: a sniffle.

Had it come from within his room? It was the only logical explanation as everyone else was downstairs. You were truly perturbed now as you stood outside the doorway and called out the ‘eldest’ Turtle’s name.

There was some shuffling to be heard but you were unable to tell for sure what he was doing -probably trying to neaten up his bed- “(Y/N)? Just a second, okay?” he responded in a rather awkward verging on frantic tone, and you were certain you heard another sniffle escape him. 

That, along with the way he’d replied really didn’t help to put your mind at ease. “Leo, are you alright?” Nor was the pitch blackness in which he remained concealed in.

“Yeah, just... l-looking for something.” There was some more shuffling as if to prove his point, but you were having none of it.

“Then maybe this,” you began, turning around to flick the light switch, “will help?”

“No! Wait!” But it was a split second too late for as soon the brightness illuminated the entire room, you had caught the telltale signs of an emotional meltdown in progress plastered on his face before he quickly turned away and briskly wiped an arm across his face, attempting to hide the shame... or perhaps embarrassment? 

“Leo...?” your heart and voice softened, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You automatically walked to him, closing the gap he was now trying to form. 

“Nothing,” he lied, and acknowledged it was a fruitless attempt but still couldn’t stop himself. Autopilot panic mode was enabled now. “It’s nothing.” 

Unfortunately for him, autopilot mother hen mode was activated for you as you reached with both hands to his carapace and shoulder, gently turning him to face you. “I can see that it’s something.” Your words were gentle, and you wanted nothing more than to take away his pain. “Look at me, Honey.” His body was turned but his head remained to the side. It was clear he didn’t want his obvious distress on display, even to you. “Please, Leo?” You tried again, and slowly but surely, his eyes met yours, and you felt your heart sink further.

The fabric of his mask was wet and eyes were still red with fresh tears that threatened to fall. He appeared so broken and helpless as he stared at you, and even though he uttered no words, you could practically hear him despairingly ask “Is this what you wanted? To see me at my lowest?” from his expression alone. 

Never had you witnessed the leader of this band of mutant brothers cry. At times you had wondered if he ever did, and yet here he was; the incredible pillar of strength and dignity you had come to know and adore, in tears and so dejected that you couldn’t stop your own eyes from becoming damp the more you gazed at him. “Oh, Sweety...” You whispered as you felt your soul shatter. It was too much to bear. You slowly wrapped your arms around him, one around the midsection and the other over his shoulder, and buried your face into his leathery neck, offering every ounce of comfort you could muster.

It didn’t take him long at all to sink into the embrace and return the action. Beyond the point of concerning himself with showing the pain he felt -or the wetness now soaking into your shoulder when he placed his forehead against it- he sniffed and finally allowed the tears to fall once again as fresh waves of emotion surged throughout his body.

And this time, he couldn’t keep the whimpering to himself.

“Shh~ It’s okay, it’s okay,” you soothed, lightly patting and rubbing along the scutes of his shell as he weakly sobbed, finally letting go of all the sadness that gripped him. 

You weren’t even aware of what was wrong, and you most likely wouldn’t find out til later once he calmed down, but right now, he just needed you to hold him. Hold him until the hurt was gone... And so you would. 

AND THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!

ALL THE FEELS!! I EMBARRASS!!

OMGosh, this turned into a monster! The mother of all HCs!! :O No seriously, this wasn’t meant to be this long! I was suppose to squish all four into one itty bitty little post, but then it just grew... and grew... and GREW! Personally, I blame the Reader Bonus but I’d be damned if I didn’t enjoy writing it! ;P You guys here on Tumblr got me slightly addicted to them and have wanted to attempt some myself so... Anyhoo~ I can’t really say if I’m entirely content with the whole thing, I dunno. I feel some parts are better than others (writing style-wise) but yeah, I really need to get back into the swing of things...

Speaking of which, I DO plan on adding my two cents on the other bois as well, but judging by how this one turned out, they’ll most likely all be this length, more or less, so each Turt will get his own post so I can really jot down those details with all the freedom in the world! That being said, I can’t say when they’ll be added but hopefully soon-ish. :) Raph's next on the list!

Thank you all so much for the read and hope you enjoyed~ :D

~Drag0n Mistr3ss’ Random Fandoms*

[shitty-tf2-headcanons]

Mercs with a girlfriend whos autistic and has body stims, and is insecure about it? Specifically rocking and chewing? Maybe include them catching her rocking while she was alone or seeing maybe one two many chewed up bottle caps or plastics in the trash? As you can tell im self indulgent and I like comfort

Ayy there ain’t nothing wrong with being self indulgent, self indulgence is why I created this blog. And hey, who doesn’t like comfort? Being comforted is like the 2nd best feeling in the world.

Scout- He doesn’t know why he looked. Something in his gut told him...but that doesn’t make any sense to him. Why would a gut feeling tell you to look in a trash bin and pick up a green bottle cap. It looked chewed to all hell. Teeth marks littered the small piece of plastic. Another one was pulled out at random. A yellow cap with the same marks. Rooting the trash revealed more and more chewed up caps. He wasn’t confused or upset. He was more...curious than anything. He decided that the best way to sate this curiosity was to talk to her directly. He tells her that he found the bottle caps and he of course panics when she looks just as panicked as him. 

“No no i-it’s okay! I chew on my pencils sometimes! And-And I chew on my fingernails! Look look, see? You don’t have to feel b-bad...”

The bandages are peeled off his hands to reveal red nail bitten fingers. He tries to joke that at least chewing on caps doesn’t lead to an infection...he hopes anyway. He doesn’t want you to feel ashamed about the way she is. If he mocked her for chewing on plastic, he might as well wear a sign that says “BIG FREAKING HYPOCRITE”. He always makes sure to remind her she has nothing to hide from him.     

Soldier- He’s caught her a couple of times. He’s seen her rocking in their bedroom and sometimes the rec room. She always seemed to do it alone though. Soldier was never known for his wits or intelligence. No, this man is famous in the team for jumping to conclusions. Once he saw you rock again, he thought back to his time with Merasmus. The wizard sometimes rocked in a similar manner...was his girlfriend a wizard too? Was this some sort of summoning ritual? But what would she be summoning? Aha! A warm blooded American like her (he thinks this even if she’s not American) must be summoning the spirit of George Washington! The next time he catches sight of her rocking, he busts right in and take a seat next to her. Not noticing the panicked look on your face, he copies your rocking movement. She asks him what he’s doing. He, of course, tells her that he’s helping her summon the ghost of George Washington. She then has to explain to him what stimming is.

“Oh. This is...stimming. Can we still try to summon George Washington?” 

She tells him that they can try and he is beyond excited to see George again. Her rocking doesn’t bother him, it never bothered him to begin with. To him, it’s just something she does. Nothing to feel bad about. Though he promises to beat the crap out of this “Insecurity” she keeps talking about. She has nothing to worry about when around her Soldier (though she still worries he somehow summoned Washington without her knowing).    

Pyro- At first, they didn’t think much of it. So she liked to chew on bottle caps, that wasn’t a big deal at all. They remember all sorts of weird things they used to chew on as a kid. Rubber, hair, plastic, nails, etc. You name it, they chewed on it. They’re about to move past it when they realize something else. All that chewing eventually lead them to chewing on more meaty parts of their body, like their arms and hands. What if...what if she was doing that too? The thought of their girlfriend harming herself brought tears to their eyes. His girlfriend was in for quite a shock when Pyro burst through their door, sobbing loudly behind their mask. They gesture for her to hold her arms out and she obliges. They check her arms and let out an audible sigh of relief when her arms looked to be bite free. His girlfriend asks him what all this was about. Pyro pulled out one of her chewed up caps, though they quickly put it away when they saw the look of shame and embarrassment. They explained (or mumbled rather) that they used to do the same thing, so they understand why she would feel embarrassed and insecure. Pyro reassures her as long as she’s not hurting herself, she’s perfectly fine. They even collect clean bottle caps and give it to her as a little gift.

Demo- He sees her doing it. It’s stimming, right? He sure hope it is, he remembers some of the kids from his orphanage were autistic too. He was even friends with a few of them. They used to do the same thing, rocking and such. He used to laugh about it, it was a little funny to watch honestly, but he quickly realized his mistake when they made an even bigger effort to hide from him. He admits he could be a shitty little kid sometimes. So it’s not surprising that he feels like that guilty little kid again. Why does she feel insecure about it? Did somebody say something? He just sighs and takes a sip of scrumpy. He can’t have his fav lass feeling so down around him or anyone. So he walks into the room, right when she was in the middle of rocking, and takes a seat next to her. He sighs and slowly grabs her hand, squeezing gently

“Aye lass...ya know I love ya, right? Nothing ya do is ever gonna change that.”

He’s not going to make her stop. It helps her with her emotions, right? So why make her stop doing something that’s beneficial to her? Plus, just like when he was a kid, it’s going to make him chuckle sometimes. He’s obviously not going to say it aloud but it’s funny to watch. But also calming in a way. Just watching you rock puts him in a state of tranquility. 

Heavy- He keeps finding soda caps in the trash. They always appear to be chewed on? He’s confused to say the least. Is somebody so hungry that they resort to eating plastic? Why though...there’s plenty of food on the base. He considers leaving out sandviches for this mysterious chewing person. He’ll do that later. Maybe his girlfriend might know something. He presents her with a few chewed up caps and asks her if she knows something. The look on her face  simultaneously breaks his heart and strikes fear in it. Oh no he made a mistake, here here, just take $7000, go shopping, please don’t be sad. He’s gonna go to Medic and ask him about it. He’s gonna feel like a big insensitive idiot when the doctor explains to him that she’s simply stimming. Oh, that makes sense. He’s gonna bashfully approach her and apologize for making her feel a certain way.

“Am sorry for embarrassing you. Heavy did not understand. This...stimming...is fine. You are fine.”

He wish he could say more but his English is still in need of work. He just wants you to be comfortable and happy. If that means chewing on bottle caps, go right ahead. Heavy does not judge. He may even give her some bottle caps if she wants some. Anything for his beloved. 

Engineer- Dad mode activated. Is she okay? Is something wrong? Seeing her rocking alone is immediately gonna worry him. He has a vague idea of stimming and autism since a few of his classmates and cousins were autistic. Though he only really saw them do it when they were overwhelmed and that worried him. She’s overwhelmed, isn’t she? Well that won’t do at all. Cue the montage. This man is gonna do everything in his power to make you comfortable. Dim the lights, quietly berate the team for making too much noise, make the team dinners into something you like all the time. Engie is nice and all but everyone (gf) can see something is bothering him. His gf is probably gonna have to confront him. He’s gonna look embarrassed and try to make it seem like something isn’t wrong. But, being the honest good boi he is, he’s gonna crack and admit the truth.

“I see you rocking sometimes. I know you’re different and all but are you okay? I just want you to feel at home in the base here, honey bee. 

That’s when she’s gonna have to explain to him how stimming works. Yes, she does it do because she’s overwhelmed, but she also does it when she’s feeling a strong emotion. It’s calming for her. Engie is gonna be both relieved and happy when he hears that it’s a calming mechanism for her. But he’s gonna be worried again when she admits that she’s insecure about it. Insecure? Why should she feel bad about something that makes her feel better? Either way, he doesn’t want his love to feel bad anyway. So she’s gonna have to deal with his constant reminders that he loves her and his constant feats to make her comfortable in the presences of the public and himself. 

Medic- Oh, she’s stimming. He isn’t surprised considering she’s autistic. He already kinda knew she was autistic after the first few days of knowing her. He is a doctor, after all. A crazed one but not a dumb one. So he’s okay with her chewing. But he’s really not okay with her chewing on bottle caps of all things! Gott, doesn’t she know how dirty these cheap factory made caps are?! Think of all the germs!! Their wearing down her precious teeth!!! Ahem, as a semi professional doctor, he doesn’t scream these complaints at her. Rather, he tells her out of nowhere while he’s working that he knows about her cap chewing. 

“Those caps of yours carry so many germs, mäuschen, you don’t vant a dirty mouth, do you? Not to mention that they wear down you’re lovely teeth.”

He says it so calmly and offhandedly that it’s easy to assume that he doesn’t care that much or he’s insulting you. Quite the contrary, he cares very much about matters that concern your health. He doesn’t mean to sound mean. Plus, he does show he cares when he gets you a couple of chewy toys or items, ones that won’t wear down your teeth. Wait you’re insecure about your stimming? Now you’re just being irrational. It’s completely natural for someone like her. How can he shame you for stimming, he would have to admit he has failed as a doctor and boyfriend if he did such a thing. He encourages you to stim with the items he bought you.

Sniper- Growing up in the middle of nowhere with two parents and spending most of his life in near isolation, he’s not gonna know much about autism. Least of all what stimming is. So he’s not gonna judge her for her behavior or mannerisms. That’s just how some people are, can’t really do much when it comes to how people’s minds work. He’s caught her rocking sometimes. Though he only sees her doing when she thought he was asleep or in the other room. Ah, he figures that it’s something she likes to do in her private time. Perfectly understandable. So he just pretends he doesn’t see anything and just moves on with life. Though there comes the day when he accidentally walks in on her rocking. They both freeze and just stare at each other. The look on her face reminds her of his own face when’s been caught pissing in jars or baby talking a cute stray. Shame and embarrassment. He closes the door and just isolates himself. He embarrassed her. He loathes embarrassment and he just hates himself for just making her feel that way. After returning from his self banishment, he’s gonna immediately apologize.

“Mmm sorry...didn’t mean to barge in on your personal space, roo. Wasn’t thinking straight...” 

Whether or not she tell him what stimming is, he’s gonna respect her privacy. He’ll leave the room if she starts stimming or stay out if she is stimming. It’ll always be “her” private activity so he’s not gonna invade her privacy. He’ll gladly stay if she says it’s okay for him to stay with her. He knows that she’s insecure about it and he understands completely, he’s one of the most insecure people on the team. To combat her insecurity, he’ll chase everyone out of the room if she needs to stim or remind her that you just do you. 

Spy- He’s not gonna actively root through some trash Scout  but he does notice some chewed up caps. He’ll raise an eyebrow. Well, sees like someone on the team has a bit of a chewing problem. He’s willing to bet that it’s either Scout or Pyro.  Being the nosy bitch he is, he’s gonna pay extra close attention to his team. His girlfriend isn’t safe from his snooping either.  He quickly learns it’s her when he’s cloaked and he catches her chewing on some bottle caps in the (supposed) privacy of her room. He watches her for a bit before slinking out the room. He doesn’t tell. Of course he doesn’t. But he does want to talk to her. He’s just not sure what to say. He’s not bothered by her chewing, it’s just another special little quirk of hers. He’s mostly worried that confronting her about it will lead to her getting emotional and he’s just not ready to handle that. But he sometimes say things that hints that he knows about her stimming.“Mon amour, do you want me to buy you something from the grocery store? Some water bottles, perhaps? Or some sweets, maybe?”She shouldn’t be too surprised when she sees that some brand new chewy items have been left in her room. If she doesn’t use the items as left, then she’s gonna find a stack of bottle caps. The caps look and smell cleaned? It’s obvious who's leaving these gifts around. To help with her insecurity, she’s gonna be receiving a lot more soft kisses that seem to last longer than usual. Still insecure? He must buy more of what she wants and needs.

Miss Pauling- She’s rarely home long enough to catch her stimming. She usually comes in, gives her a quick kiss, drinks some coffee, and is out to work again. So her girlfriend can stim all she wants in the safety and privacy of her home. Pauling is well aware of stimming so she already knows her girlfriend stims. But she does find it a little odd that she never sees her stimming in front of her. But she doesn’t dwell on that thought too long since she needs to focus on the work at hand. She only catches her gf in the act when she finally gets her yearly day off. She stumbles into the house in the dead of night, ready to crash and enjoy the day sleeping and cuddling her girl. She walks into the room and sees her rocking. At any other time, she would sit and talk with her. But now? She was already half asleep and didn’t fully comprehend the gravity of the situation or how embarrassed her girlfriend looked. She just sleepily mumbled.“Sorry babe, did I interrupt...I’m so tired. Come lay with me please...I wanna lay in those soft arms forever...”She’s gonna hit the bed and pass right out, whether or not she was in her girlfriend’s arms. She only realizes everything in the morning. She’s kinda embarrassed about how she acted. But at least she got to see you stim! But she looked embarrassed...was that why she did it alone. Then she feels shitty for interrupting. She doesn’t feel the need to talk with her about it. She just lays with her on the couch all day and watches whatever she likes. She’s a lot more affectionate with her that, but only if her girlfriend is okay with it. When she’s busy at work, she’ll make sure to leave little cheesy love notes everywhere. And her short breaks are spent in her girlfriend’s arms. She loves her for who she is.

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[justtextmeoppa]

Our Son

HIIII!!! Umm could I request a scenario where y/n has Jungkook's child but he doesn't want it and leaves y/n and y/n is all alone until Taehyung says he'll take care of the y/n and the child and you fall in love with Taehyung and Jungkook Regrets it after the child is grown up... Its kinda long sorry!! BUT I LOVE YOUR BLOG❤❤💙💙💙❤💙

For anon

Here it is

Hope you like it

M

Yet another test, another result. Unless they were all flawed, they were clearly saying that you were pregnant. And it was a big deal. You were too young, you would have had to give up the University and mostly you did not know how your boyfriend would react. Jungkook was as young as much as you are and you were always so careful. You could not figure out how it happened when memories of the night a few weeks before get into your mind. You were so taken by the passion that you had given up the condom and that was the result; a completely unexpected pregnancy. "Baby, you're locked in the bathroom for nearly half an hour. Are you feeling okay?" Jungkook's voice jolted you and you quickly threw the tests in the trash near the sink, by covering them with a paper towel so as not to make them visible. "Sorry, I was removing makeup. You know things for women, Kooks " You apologized, coming out of the bathroom and smiling at him mildly; "What are you staring at?" "You look pale. Are you sure you're okay? " He asked curiously, coming closer to you and brushed your cheek with your fingertips; "Don't make me worry." "It's okay, Kooks. Everything is fine. " And that was the first lie in a long line.

__________ Your lies were getting too many and it was becoming increasingly hard to hide the truth to Jungkook. After making up some courage you had decided that that night you'd have said everything, hoping that he would have taken it good and above all being happy. After initial shock, you had begun to accept that pregnancy more and more until you felt happy to bring one creature in your womb. It was the fruit of your love and what could be wrong with something so pure and beautiful? "Kooks... Do you have two minutes? I need to talk to you. " You began, sitting on the bed beside him, busy playing a video game that you didn't know. "Sure baby, talk to me." He smiled and hope kept increasing in you. "A few weeks ago I discovered something. Of course at first, I was scared… but I mean this is an amazing thing, believe me. " "Don't keep me in suspense, tell me what's going on, Jagi" He encouraged you, slipping on the mattress as he approached you; "Have you found to be the best of your course? Is your brother getting married? Have you won a vacation? Teeeeeeell me. " "I'm pregnant." Your emotion was palpable in the tone of your voice and your gaze was bright, but Jungkook's look made you freeze completely. His smile had vanished, his eyes were wide with shock and his look was totally blank. You immediately took his hand, stroking the backs with the pad of your thumb, waiting for the news to make way into his mind and the happiness you felt became his own. "Kooks.. I know we're you--" "No, I don't want it." He immediately stopped you and those few words were a stab to your heart. There was no happiness in his eyes, only anger and you could feel it on your skin as he stared at you. "What you wanted to tell me, huh? I don't want that son, Y/N, and you should think about your future, how it will be ruined by this child. " "You can't be serious!" "Yes, I do. We're nineteen, we are kids ourselves. How are you going to raise him? Huh? " "Kooks…" "No, I'm sorry but... It's not what I want. " He almost screamed as he rose from the bed, jostling you away and reaching the wardrobe. You looked right at him while he was taking a duffle bag and started to throw in his clothes, without bothering to fold them and place them. He was leaving you and just because you were pregnant, the idea itself disgusted you incredibly much and hurt you so much to leave you speechless. "I'm sorry Y/N; but this is not the life I want. " "So you don’t assume your responsibilities?" "I… I can't do that, I'm sorry. " He whispered, turning to look at you. You could understand his fear, but not his actions. You looked into his eyes for a moment and after that little moment he turned back again, taking the bag and leaving the room. The sound of a door closing, shortly after, made it clear that he was gone. Forever.

___________

"Yah, Y/N ... He's a jerk, I've always said that. " Taehyung said for the umpteenth time, while his arms welcomed you with joy and you were hiding among them. It was in days you were in those conditions, struggling to eat, to sleep, that everything reminded you of him and it hurt you. The only relief came from the presence of Taehyung, who tried in every way to help as best he could. He even volunteered to come with you to the check up that you had hoped to do with Jungkook, but all your hopes and dreams were completely blown away. "How... How do I do it now? " "What does it mean? Do you want this baby? "   He asked earnestly, looking down at you and shifting a lock of your hair so he can see your eyes. "Of course, Tae. " "All right, then fuck Jungkook. The only thing that you have to think about now is your health and the health of the baby " "I'm alone..." "What am I? A Unicorn? " You heaved your face, upset by his attitude. He could not have really understood that if he wanted to help you during those months, he would have had to be close. It was too much to ask him and you did not want to ruin his life, it was the last thing that he deserved. "Taehyung... I can't ask you this. " "Listen, Y/N, you know me. I love children and you're one of my dearest friends. Let me help you, I want to take care of both of you. " He said, then giving you one of his brightest smiles. Tears pinched your eyes  (but not enough to make you cry, just smiling back. He was there and for the first time in days, you did not feel alone anymore.

___________

"TAEHYUNG." "WHAT WHAT?" Taehyung screamed, running out of the kitchen with a fork full of food in his hand, looking upset. "I THINK… I THINK IT'S TIME ... " "I'M NOT READY Y/N, CAN'T HE WAIT?" "ASK HIM!" "SOOYOUNG, WHY YOU GOTTA GET NOW I'M EATING GOOD RAMEN?" You, as a reply, threw against him the remote control while the umpteenth and violent contraction made you fold in two for the pain. They had begun that morning but were mild and your gynecologist had made sure they were normal in calving. "KIM TAEHYUNG!" "OKAY, OKAY... WE'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL, YOU ... THE BAG, I GOT IT, " Yet another scream as he ran to retrieve the bag, ready for days, for the hospital and came back to you. " I HAVE TO TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS OR CAN YOU WALK? " "JUST GET YOUR ASS TAEHYUNG, IT HURTS TOO MUCH." You did not know what to expect, you were afraid that something could go wrong, that your little boy would be likely to hurt himself. A thousand thoughts invaded your mind but when Taehyung, without saying anything, took you into his arms and came running out of the house, all the negative thoughts vanished. Your guardian angel was with you, nothing could go wrong.

_________

It was the most difficult and painful twelve hours of your life, but in the end, the little Sooyoung had seen the light. He was perfect, with already a bushy little of hair, powerful and clear voice so as to make the nurses laugh when he started to cry. You were too dazed to figure out anything and you accepted willingly the anesthetic in order to rest for at least a few hours without the slightest pain.

"Sooyoung, you look exactly like your mom. Yes… You'll become a beautiful little man. How about I wake her up? " A deep and full of sweetness voice woke you up and opening your eyes you laid your gaze on Taehyung, sitting in a chair beside you, holding your child in his arms. "Hey.. Look who's here. " He muttered with sweetness, getting up and approaching you. Gently, he put Sooyoung into your arms and a swirl of emotions made you break down and cry, while you kissed and caressed with your lips that perfect and small face. "He's beautiful." "As his mom... I'll leave you alone, you need some time to get to know him. " He rose from his chair but immediately you gripped his wrist, blocking him from leave you alone. "Stay." "But... I mean, I think you want to enjoy this time with your son. " "O-our son." You faltered while he stared, caught off guard by your words. "Taehyung.. In these months you never left me alone and ... I... Don't go away. " "Why? Let me hear you say, Y/N ". "Because I fell in love with you, Tae."

_____________

"Apppppppppppppppppppa!" "Why is my champion screaming like that? What's going on? "

You were sitting on the couch, checking out some books to write the next chapter of your thesis, while Sooyoung kept running around the house chasing Taehyung. Their screaming did not bother you, indeed ,somehow, they helped you to stay more focused. After four years you were completely accustomed to their madness.

"Appa I want ice cream!" "You have to ask mom." Taehyung gave to you the "problem", causing you to raise your eyes to heaven in a fake desperate way. Immediately the little Sooyoung jumped on the couch, holding onto your neck and stuffing your face with kisses. He was a corruptor, just like his father. "EOMMAAAAA, I WANT ICE CREAM" he screamed, pouting his lips as he always did Taehyung whenever he wanted to get something. "PLEAAAAAASE". "All right, let's go get some ice cream." You agreed, squeezing him softly in your arms and getting up off the couch completely ignoring your studies; "But when we finish the ice cream, we get back home." "YES, EOMMA!" It was a day in June, the sun was high in the sky and the temperature was perfect. You were holding hands with Taehyung while Sooyoung was two steps ahead of you who hopped, unable to contain the enthusiasm that he was trying at that time. "Sometimes I wonder if he'll run out of his energies ..." Taehyung whispered into your ear, making you smile and shake your head immediately; "But he's so bea--" His break concerned you right away, so your eyes returned to alight in front of you. And the reason why he had stopped was immediately clear to you. Sooyoung was in front of Jungkook, the last person you wanted to see.   Jungkook bowed to reach the cap that your son had lost and your looks have met. "Your cap, kid." "Thank you! " Sooyoung thanked him and you could see his toothless smile even though you were a few steps away from him. "Sooyoung, come here. Let's choose our ice cream, come " Taehyung recalled the child without deigning to glance Jungkook. The little boy immediately turned and ran up taking his hand he was holding out. They went into the ice-cream parlor, leaving you alone in front of your biggest regret and disappointment. Jungkook came up to you, his hands in his jacket pocket, and a guilty look drew onto his face. He smiled but you did not smile back, remembering only at that moment how much pain he had inflicted on you. "You're looking good." "Thank you." was your answer, totally icy. "You and Taehyung, huh?" "It's none of your business." "Already... He... What's his name? " "It's none of your business, Jungkook." His smile faded away to your answer, but you did not felt sadness at seeing that look on his face. "Now I’ll go back to my son and my husband if you don't mind." "I regretted my choice every day for the past four years, Y/N". "Jungkook... I don't regret instead. Because I found a person a thousand times better than you, who didn't leave me. On second thought, I just have to say thank you for abandoning me. Thanks to you, now I know what it's like to be really happy. "