#im the only person in my role in this office so you know what? suffer.

[yutaslaugh]

decided i will be resigning next month just in time for when i leave for overseas 😊😊😊

[enihk-writes]

BlushingScreamingKickingMyFeet — Please rant about your thunderbolt fic ocs, I'm so curious ヽ(´ー`)人(´∇｀)/

Can I also draw the Thunderbolts MC.... 😔💕

(!!) this is a oc/reader discussion

THANK YOU OF COURSE YOU CAN DRAW HERRRRR AND THANKS TO THE OTHER ANON THAT ASKED TOO YIPPEEE!!!!! ILL USE THIS ONE TO TALK ABT MC AND THE OTHER ONE TO TALK ABT MY OTHER OC ❤❤❤!!!!! unfortunately i don't have my pc rn so i dont have any of my reference pictures on hand, also soooo sorry if this is rushed im doing this during my lunch break 😭😭😭

about : thunderbolts mc/reader-insert

[part 1]

1ST LIFE:

MC is an abandoned product of a research experiment where humans tried to play god, they wanted to host the consciousness/body of a god in a human body. she was their first and only successful result even though she was only a vessel for now, she was never given a real name, only ever went by the research serial number. shortly after that the research facility had to shut down and all the scientists involved scattered and destroyed all evidence that they were ever there since this sort of research was highly unethical at that time. by the time the authorities (IGAP) had gotten there to arrest the persons involved, nobody except MC was left.

MC was then taken to a high-security prison where she was detained for probably a few hundred thousand years until directors could decide what to do with her.

MC who is still an empty "perfect" vessel with nothing other than basic survival instincts and little to no further consciousness, is finally brought out by a young man who would later become her legal guardian/superior officer.

the superior officer is in possession of an unaccounted holy relic that belongs to one of the elusive wings (a so-called god of justice's angels/henchmen/proxy) he has his own ulterior motives for keeping the relic and taking the MC under his wing... sorry for the pun i couldn't help it 😞😞

in the first 10-ish years his first order of business was to merge the holy relic with the MC's "perfect" vessel to revive what he thought might be a soul trapped within the holy relic — if it's successful, whatever that's there of our MC right now would be erased forever.

of course, the actual outcome was much different, the synergy between MC and this holy relic was so compatible that the two fused together completely and whatever individual consciousness there was now working as one united being.

the superior officer was obviously not happy with the result but what can he do? in the end he hides that he tried to conduct this merger from everyone and fools everyone into believing that he's doing his job to be the best legal guardian for this sad unfortunate little girl.

MC who is now fully aware of her surroundings, is told by the superior officer that she had suffered serious brain damage from a tragic accident that had taken the lives of her parents and that from now on he was her parental figure. though something deep in her heart (the relic) stirs and tells her to be wary of this man, to never let down her guard and trust him.

as a former high-security prisoner, the heads of the IGAP decide to keep her under their watchful eye, away from the general public and even the other officers of the organisation. with his own authority, the superior officer managed to wipe clean all records of the girls true past and as a precaution takes the time and effort to create fake records of her fake family and lineage. you know, just in case she gets curious as she grew older.

in this world, less then a 100 years ago there appeared those who have the ability to conjure or manipulate various states of matter and energies. and even then they are separated into those that are able to use their abilities for combat and for support roles.

MC at the age of "17" is finally taken to school for the first time, where she will meet with the OC that haunts thunderbolts' narrative and her link to mount hua.

MC is overpowered as fuck but with little to no control over when or where her abilities activate, even after the intense seven years of training in the hidden private facility, she wasn't given the all-clear. if she messed up here, she might never see the sun again.

MC's 1st life at 17 is scruffy-looking, her hair is slightly matted and dry. her pinafore and blouse is a few sizes too big and hangs off her shoulder awkwardly. because of her abilities (summoning thunder) her eyes are permanently shining in this bright gold hue... i like to think people would use her eyes as a flashlight during electrical blackouts at the dorms.

to summarise school life for MC only lasted for a year (will get into that in another time) before she and the others her age were drafted to the respective divisions where they would spend the rest of their lives in, many of whom would die in battle.

MC is sent to division 4, a riff-raff squad full of the most lacking individuals in the whole organisation, and MC's first day was on a warzone at sea where their tiny division of 13 were to fend off 3000 incoming ships. everyone starts praying because this was clearly a mission given to kill them all and be rid of them finally.

MC feels her heart stir again. the relic is acting up and she feels her body react and move itself. she only managed to tell the rest that she was going to deal with the crisis before she single-handedly annihilates all 3000 ships. but it doesn't come without its consequences, 1. the ecosystem of the area is fucked, 2. there is now an eternal rain pouring because her lightning abilities called upon a great deal of storm clouds.

im skipping over her first few years in div.4, to summarise it's not a easy time and her comrades all die one after another in solo missions and she has blocked out this period of her life out of the intense heartbreak she feels for losing them.

when it's just her left in the division, there is a restructuring of the department her division falls under and she becomes the captain. its said the captain never recruits anyone into the division but rookies who underperform are sent to her. div.4 is now the search and rescue squad, and their job is to fish out any forgotten officer left dead or alive in the enemy zone.

in this world, another unusual thing is that everyone has freakishly long lifespans. which makes it more tragic when the kids working for the IGAP die within their first few years of service.

MC in this era is as tall or maybe taller than baek cheon, if you account the height of boots she wears daily. div.4 doesnt have a fixed uniform so she wears a office-style uniform (with a tie because she likes to serve cunt) with a modified harness to carry a few weapons for close combat. her hair is longer now, and definitely more well kept. she keeps her bangs long because people don't really like looking into her fuckass gold eyes. she smiles more, appears friendly and easy-going. but my girl is still a weirdo...... 😔😔😔

end of [part 1]

[cacklefrendly]

I love how you draw your gin and vodka!!!!!they so cool and cute!!!now I wonder what is you're gin backstory.like do he parent work with the organization or something like that??I'm just curious

:D AWW THANKIEEE ANON!! i keep telling myself that i'm gonna draw them being threatening and. it doesn't happen. they end up being sappy again. so im glad i'm not the only one who enjoys it regardless lmao

as for backstories. uh.

good question.

what backstory my personal versions of Gin and Vodka DO have — and my versions of the entire Black Org. team, too — is vague enough to be almost canon-compliant while leaving plenty of wiggle-room in case future canon declares any new information i think is interesting. it's not a tactical choice! working around canon to make things complicated is part of what makes playing with side characters fun for me. :>

also i'll admit: i usually don't think much about a character's childhood unless it gives something meaningful to the story. i don't think it matters too much why Gin got into the Black Organization? to me, it matters more that he's there and making it everyone else's problem :P i might change my mind later though, we'll see!!

for Gin and Vodka, at least, their backstories are more of a years-long, vaguely three-arc showcase of who they are at wildly different points in their lives together, which has some really interesting moments implied but not explicitly stated.

just for fun, here's a synopsis of those 'Arcs': (i remembered to write a transcript this time, it's under the read-more)

“ARC” 1: SETUP (met once, briefly, by accident.)

VODKA (asides: “Just some dude” & “he uses cheap ballpoints and it hurts my soul. he gets better I promise.”)

maybe grew up in a rural area?

recently finished college, working at one of the Black Organization's front companies

dealing with being a closeted gay man while also trying not to get involved in normal office drama and still hear all the gossip

Very Aware that the company is doing some shady illegal stuff and is SUPER CURIOUS, but 1), he'd like to keep being payed thank you, and 2), he has enough self-preservation to know better than to go snooping

honestly he's just Some Guy

GIN (asides: “dysphoria hoodie” & “[PROTOTYPE] called, Alex wants his damn clothes back.”)

where did you even come from-

working as a low-level assassin with the Black Organization but already starting to garner attention from some of the higher-ups

aggressive, paranoid, AND experiencing dysphoria all at the same time!!! uh oh!!

dealing with the gradual realization that being trans is. a Thing. while also having a really bad-ass action movie as a life, complete with betrayal and murder and explosions

starts transitioning after he climbs the Organization's ranks enough to carve out a place he KNOWS he's safe and can relax

“ARC” 2: MEET-NOT-CUTE (a year or two after “Arc” 1)

VODKA

suffering from the aftermath of The Incident and trying to grapple with the fact that he's been working for an international crime syndicate

and trying to understand his role in all of this mess

and trying not to get killed by his new boss

AND is trying not to think about the fact that his new boss is SO scary and mean

AND trying SO HARD NOT TO THINK ABOUT HOW HE'S KINDA INTO THAT-

GIN

high-ranked enough that he can no longer keep working alone and he HATES IT SO MUCH

it's not just a blow to his pride, it's also all the paranoia. it's mostly the paranoia, to be quite honest

called dibs on the most harmless, pathetic-looking man he could find who still seemed to be useful. and that man was Vodka

even so, spends a good while CONVINCED that Vodka will turn on him if Gin gives him the chance.

BOTH

Gin keeps trying to bait Vodka into trying to kill him and is infuriated as nothing happens.

Vodka sees the bait and is confused at first, later horrified when he figures out what Gin's expecting him to do

as Vodka shows his usefulness, Gin starts to calm down. full-on Trust takes several years to develop

the first time Gin falls Asleep near Vodka freaks Gin out more than a little

“ARC” 3: GET A FUCKIN ROOM (roughly a few years before and into Canon)

Vodka: “If you want coffee you gotta’ let go.” Gin: “*unintelligible sounds of disapproval*”

they aren't in a romantic relationship. they haven't even had a one-night stand. and yet they carry a very "aging gays who've been married for 30 years" energy. it drives the Team up the wall.

before the Trust developed, Vodka let Gin control/initiate all contact as an appeasement/self-preservation strategy. at this point he still does it, but out of habit more than anything.

plot twist, Gin's actually super tactile with people he trusts. he invades Vodka's personal space constantly. it's especially bad when he's cold or tired (so, most of the time)

they know each other's boundaries very well even though they never, like, sat down and talked about it. it's been trial and error thus far. it helps that they're also good at reading each other.

Vodka's uncomfortable attraction turned into a crush, which turned into quiet love. Gin's wariness turned into trust, which turned into love. BUT Gin's doesn't think much about trust OR romance so he's not actually aware (yet) that his feelings for Vodka are more than Really Strong Trust. he also doesn't know Vodka's feelings for him (YET)

there are so many ways this fucking slow-burn could end and I love all of them too much to pick just one

[tealisa]

I really wish marvel never made the Captain America villains nazis bc they handle the subject to terribly outside of the Winter Soldier arc doing an Operation Paperclip analogy about how the Western powers rehabilitated the nazis after the war. That was the only time the cap villains felt well used, but in the past decade marvel's big cap runs are just turning giving Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes character-assassinating villain heel turns with the Nazi Cap and outer circle nonsense, and I cannot overstate how awful the writing is

and there's no way it all gets retconned like every other time they did this bc they've destroyed too many characters to force this "Cold War" plot (with countless jingoistic pro-USA historical references) but even when it gets wiped away, I'm still pissed that they think it's good storytelling.

And its ridiculous bc the only logical conclusion for the Winter Soldier arc was everyone's (esp the ones personally impacted: Bucky & Steve) questioning their loyalty to a government that hired nazis who politically and literally puppeted them as weapons, but no, marvel's office always wants more Cap'n 'Murrica so they stay loyal supercops until its time to do another "must protect the new Captain America from the old one who's my oldest and best friend and now suddenly a fascist" storyline again

it's like marvel thought the reason why people likes the Winter Soldier arc was bc of the Bucky Steve fight, so they never bother depicting them as how close and inseparable platonic soulmates that they are introduced as an instead come up w convoluted reasons to make them fight again, which means one of them siding w the nazi villains for shock value...

idk how anyone can like reading this, just flipping between destroying a character's entire ethos and udnermine the role they originally played in the foundation for CA-canon: they're supposed to be the 2 WW2 vets who fought the Nazis originally in the USA's last good military act, it's supposed to be impactful when they both come back to the 21st c. and find their own government hired the nazis they fought, but instead marvel editorial makes them nazis for shits and giggles and bash their characters to a pulp //

I know the nature of (American) comics demands more Cap bs, but Bucky and Steve's stories should've progressed long ago to them abandoning their American-ness and being disillusioned by their country, at the very least for the harm they themselves suffered personally. If marvel office needs more Cap shit, they already have a new one who's a modern USian military man and much more believable to continue doing that, by instead of letting the old Caps be free from the stars n stripes and let them develop outside of that pro-USA nonsense for once, instead they make them nazis/fascists in the most "yeah, this is all definitely getting retconned and wiped from everyone's memories immediately" storylines ever

I mean yeah agreed. The nazi villains are important to Captain America history given his creators and date of publication, but yeah like most things nowadays marvel has ran the good stuff and the punk parts of this franchise to the ground and filled it with neoliberal bullshit. It's like i said in the first ask you sent (idk if youre the same anon, but im assuming so). In the end all i wish is for marvel and disney to go bankrupt paying the creators what theyre owed, and for all of marvel's IP to go into the public domain

[that-one-pretty-bitch]

hey.

its me

i feel like im always requesting ppl idk why..

can you do eros(your throne) x reader whos been helping him with his plans in the shadows?Like she set up some of the plots that have hindered psyche.

𝒪𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒷𝑒!! 𝐼 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝒷𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝐸𝓇𝑜𝓈 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝓈𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒶 𝓃𝑜𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝑒𝓌 𝓊𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝒾𝓈𝓈𝓊𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝒹, 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓅𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒. 𝒮𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝒷𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝑀𝑒𝒹𝑒𝒶 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓂 𝑜𝒻 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃𝑔𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓃𝒶𝓃𝓃𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝑒𝒹. 𝐻𝑒𝓇 𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝑔𝑜𝒶𝓁 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜 "𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓅" 𝐸𝓇𝑜𝓈 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻𝒻 𝒫𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝑒. 𝐼𝒟𝒦 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝑜𝓇 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑜𝓃𝒾𝒸 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓅𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒, 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝒶 𝓉𝑜𝓍𝒾𝒸 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒.

Alright, that was a LONG intro, let's get into the story

                           ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯

                                       ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

“Lady y/n, Lady Solon is here to see you,” A servant spoke as you were examining a vial of deadly nightshade poison.

What an unusual visit, usually y/n would always know in advance whenever her dear friend paid her a visit and she would prepare for it. Nonetheless, y/n was happy that she would get to see her again. Her meetings with Medea had become rare since she became Crown prince Eros’s unofficial consort. She happily opened the door to her room but was stunned to see THE Medea Solon in tears! Seeing Medea in tears tore at your own heart because the two of you were so close. Seeing Medea cry was so rare- no it was new, she never cried. Something truly AWFUL must have happened to the lovely girl that you adored so much. 

Medea slowly walked toward you as you opened your arms, she made no attempt to speak. You simply pulled up to chairs but your office desk and motioned for her to go one. Medea wiped her tears but her expression still looked pained,

“Oh y/n, I'm so glad I have you in my life. Today I found out that despite being Crown Prince Eros’s unofficial escort he picked another woman, I believe her name is Psyche, to become the crown princess and now I will not go down in history. Once my father found out about this, he killed my dearest nanny,” She said attempting to calm down

Anger was the only thing you felt. You had met Medea’s nanny before and knew that she played the role of a mother in Medea’s life. However, grieving is no help at all, instead revenge ought to be taken.

“Medea darling~ It's truly a shame to hear about this, I know you looked up to her as a mother and I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. However dear, instead of grieving about her loss, why don’t you take revenge? Hmm? We could start from that ‘Psyche’ girl and then move on to Eros and eventually your father, he shall receive the most painful death of them all,” You cooed

The pain in her eyes had turned into something much more sinister. How could she have lost herself like that? She wasn’t weak? She was strong, she was THE Medea Solon.

“That sounds lovely and from the look that you seem to be giving me, you must have a plan in mind? Yes?” Medea inquired

“Of course I do, leave it up to me and I will disclose everything to you in the end,” Y/n smirked

“Ohhh y/n~ always so mysterious, what will I do with you~,” Medea attempted to laugh. Y/n’s company and her evil ideas always cheered her up. She knew that she could leave this up to y/n and left knowing very well that she trusted y/n with her entirely.

As Medea left the room y/n couldn’t help but think of all the wonderful ways she would make them suffer, after all nobody hurts the only person who she can feel sane around.

As sane as it gets in the l/n and solon household

******Timeskip a few days*******

“Good Evening, Crown prince Eros,” Y/n bowed and smiled seductively

Eros was unaware of the plan Y/n had against him, he was simply enchanted by her goddess-like beauty. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt if he had another affair, now would it?

“I was wondering if I could work for you perhaps…as an assistant? This may be a little rushed your highness but I have nowhere else to go, please take me in as your assistant,” Y/n bowed, oh how utterly disgusting it felt to be bowing to a being below her.

Eros had known the L/n family and was well acquainted with them; he had no problems with letting y/n in on his plans. Most of the trade he did was with the L/n family anyway, if anything this could prove to be beneficial for him. He immediately accepted the woman and told her to always be around him. 

‘Oh my~how easy he is~~’ y/n smirked, masking the sinister smile under her embroidered hand fan.

“E-eros, who is this woman?” Psyche stared at y/n curiously

 ‘She is very beautiful like a goddess,’ Psyche thought as she stared at y/n with stars in her eyes

“She is my assistant y/n, Psyche you may get acquainted with her,” Eros spoke sharply causing Psyche to flinch.

Oh my~ she isn’t even half as pretty as my darling Medea~~ Is she REALLY the “chosen one” y/n thought.

Psyche excitedly hurried towards y/n and grabbed her arm and brought y/n to her room.

“Lady y/n! You're so pretty, I wonder if emeralds would suit you,” Psyche squealed as she picked up different emerald accessories and tried them on y/n.

Meanwhile Eros who just walked into the room spoke, “ Psyche, y/n is a business partner not a doll please let go of her, she has work to get done,”

Psyche’s face flushed red as she bowed over and over apologizing, y/n just faked a laugh and let the girl know that it was fine and she would love to spend time with Psyche sometime. Oh such lies. 

Eros had taken y/n to his office locking the door behind them,

Letting her in on his plan to kill Psyche, and explaining other plans in detail to his new assistant.

“No one else in the palace knows of this, please refrain from telling anyone,” Eros explained

“Get closer to Psyche and when she trusts you, destroy it. Kill her… doy you understand?” Eros inquired

“Yes, my lord,” Y/n bowed

Eros inched closer towards her gently placing his fingers under her chin and making her meet his gaze.

“Your beauty truly is something else,” He said inching closer

Y/n simply just leaned into the kiss and went with it, it would be better for her plan if she seduced Eros. One kiss led to another, and that led to a full makeout session which was originally supposed to be taken to the bed; however they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Y/n quickly wiped the drool of Eros’s mouth with her sleeve, only making him crave her touch more as she wiped her own mouth with the other sleeve. By the time y/n was done it had looked like nothing happened at all, instead the papers that were scattered around made it seem like they were a part of a meeting. Eros lightly cursed about not being able to continue and unlocked the door.

“I’ll go speak to lady Psyche for the time being,” y/n smiled at Eros, making him weak in the knees.

Some merchants had wanted to discuss business with Eros, so he had taken a seat but all he could think about was how he wanted to be with y/n right now.

Meanwhile y/n had left to go talk to Psyche, she quickly slipped a vial of scorpion poison into her drink as she went off to find the lady. She finally found Psyche conversing with some maids. How pathetic. She walked towards the woman forcing a smile and handed her the drink

“Eros asked the cook to specially make it for you,” Y/n smiled as Psyche's face started to tint slightly pink.

‘ She must be in love with him, stupid girl,’ y/n thought. 

Psyche thanked y/n as she asked the woman to take a seat beside her. Psyche started happily chatting about the new romance novels collection that she had been gifted from a friend and then about her favorite sweets. Something about Psyche was always so cheerful and positive. Y/n forced a smile while Psyche told the others about meeting a cute bunny the other day, just as she took a sip from her drink she started to cough up blood and y/n faked being terrified. She quickly performed all the procedures needed in order to save someone from poison, gaining everyone's and most importantly Psyche's trust in the process.

Now to simply destroy everything, starting with Psyche.

𝐼𝓉𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓇𝓊𝓈𝒽𝑒𝒹, 𝓈𝑜 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓇 𝓃𝑜𝓉, 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈𝓃'𝓉, 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃!! 𝐼 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓈𝒽𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝟦𝟢 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝓊𝓉𝑒𝓈.

[absolute-flaming-trash]

hey hey ♡ congrats on accomplishing such a millestone ! you really deserve each follower you get! and as a fellow dc writer, i look forward to reading your work ! actually, ive been following you for quite a while and i really like your content ! which is why i was so excited when i saw your match up event ! i usually do match up events as well, however i don't think ive taken part in one so this new for me and i wanted to try it.

my personality type is enfp/infp, im a girl in my 20s and use she/ her pronouns ♡ the gender of the character does not matter at all (so select whoever). three things i really like are: art (drawing), flowers and food (i also like mystery movies and kindness). there is just something so attractive about a gentle person you know. i really like going out to museums and parks, but i enjoy being at home all the same especially if I'm home cooking or baking ! people say im too kind and that it will be my downfall, but what do they know lol. im not really afraid of anything but i do get nervous when it comes to driving vehicles and i don't like loud noises or people who yell alot or are controlling or mean. actually people who yell do scare me ... haha. as for the fandom, im fine with either hxh or jjk , you can decide based on whichever character you believe suits it more.

also, i hope you don't mind... but when youre done with my request .. i would also like to do a ship but for you ! to thank you for all your hard work (because shipping people can be tedious)..

stay safe ♡ thanks for everything ! love ya !

cupid anon (if that name isn't taken - can i be your cupid anon?)

Ayo I will never be used to this level of generosity and compliments from anons, you best watch your step before I give you a forehead kith 🥺🥺🥺

Fun fact, I had never done a matchup event because I genuinely didn't think I'd be any good at them.

You can absolutely do a ship for me!! I'm curious to see what you'd have in mind for me, but please only do so if you have the time and energy 💛 Feel free to throw it in the ask box, or even tag me if you feel like revealing yourself (but if not, no worries at all 💛)

What attracted them to you:

There’s this fragility to you that is incredibly captivating. To him you symbolize the good that’s left in this world, and so how could he not be drawn to someone like you after being surrounded by misery and suffering for so long? The hobbies you have may seem boring to others, but they’re beautiful in their simplicity, and just add onto the charm you’re completely unware that you have.

How they got to you:

He more than likely got to you while he was still a salary man. Going to the same bakery every day and getting the same thing for lunch, and running into you selling your wares. Or maybe you worked in the same building as him and had the habit of bringing in your home-made goodies to share in the office.

Either way, most of the time he wouldn’t say much aside from the normal small talk, but after tasting your food the man would secretly be spiraling, and he would gradually build up a relationship with you then by playing on your susceptibility to those who are gentle with you.

You have all the qualities he could ever want in a partner, and you’d fulfil that role whether you wanted to or not. In a world that’s so cursed and full of anguish, it’s the least you could do.

[reyeslonestar]

Question what are some things you wanna see in season 3 of lone star? Character development, plots, anything

I want to see Tonya Kong write every episode. that's all. thanks for asking!

-

sadfkja I joke, I do have other ideas, but that is definitely high on my wish list! i'm gonna go through by character and talk about what I'd like to see for them, so this is gonna get quite long whoops...

the main thing that I'd like to see overall, though, would be evidence of an overarching season plan or arc - it doesnt necessarily have to be a plot that stretches through all the episodes or anything major, but I'd love them to have plotted out the season before they start. from watching this season and then reading interviews after the finale, they dont appear to plan many things from the start and end up throwing in ideas as they go along. if they plan it from the start they can foresee how theyre going to affect character development more, and they can have a bit more balance in the types of episodes they have, so that the season is less insane and more naturally ebb-and-flow with a few light episodes to break up the drama.

okay, onto the characters! just going to do this in billing order for simplicity's sake. customary reminder that these are just my own opinions and thoughts, and this is more of a wish list than a realistic expectation.

if you want to search for a specific character, ctrl F for one of these terms including the dash at the start:

-Owen

-Tommy

-TK

-Grace

-Judd

-Marjan

-Paul

-Carlos

-Mateo

-Nancy

press “j” to skip the whole post.

-Owen

okay so I'd love to see them actually develop his character. Owen has been given a lot of backstory with lots to play with development-wise, but to me it feels like the show never goes anywhere with it. he's got a lot going on what with 9/11, feeling responsible for the fates of his fellow firefighters, the codependence of his relationships etc. I'd like to see him go to therapy and see him grow some self awareness and seek to manage himself better, rather than all his screentime devoted to him being a hero when other characters have the situation handled. it would really show him as a good leader if he drew on the skills that his team has and refer to them for advice/ideas. realistically he is the main character, so I'd like them to develop him like one.

also, I kind of love the chief role for him? I think it would suit him really well. but it would drag him away from the 126 and split up the dynamics too much so it would make for bad tv and I wouldnt actually want to see that. good for his character though.

-Tommy

I love Tommy :) just wanted to say that.

so obviously Tommy's got a lot of grief to handle next season, and I don't want them to shy away from that. I want it acknowledged and processed. (I'd also like a little bit of seeing the twins' grief too, because they're also suffering a massive loss). maybe something with Judd helping Tommy learn to manage her grief with his own experience of losing the original 126, encourage her to go to therapy, plus Tommy, Grace and Judd all feeling the loss of Charles together. after all, Grace and Judd were his friends and they will be grieving too.

I'd also kind of like to see Tommy have something outside being a working mother. obviously we're going to need to deal with that a lot especially now that Charles is gone, but I feel like she's been assigned the Character TraitTM of being the working mum and I'd like to see them give her a hobby or something. idk. and give her a night off with Grace or something. give her something just for her.

-TK

okay so I think theres a fair likelihood that theyre going to return to looking at TK's addiction next season which im not averse to. I think him struggling with his sobriety would be worthwhile to see for his character and to show that its not a straightforward path, plus it makes sense with all the insane stuff they've thrown at them in s2. however, Id like to see it in the context of his friends and family rallying around to help and support him and show him that he's got people to rely on, and that he's allowed to rely on them, plus the support of his AA meetings and therapy. I also need them to lay the groundwork for him struggling, so putting in signs of him deteriorating so the situation makes sense. this storyline doesn't need surprises to be interesting or good, and frankly it shouldn't have any.

as for him and Carlos, I definitely want to see them househunting! I'd like to see the combination of househunting/Carlos with Tommy's kids/Grace and Judd having their baby have an impact on their perspectives regarding their future and spark that conversation (like, looking at houses with more rooms and thinking about kids, future, marriage etc). I think that maybe one of them, probably TK, or maybe both of them those boys have way too many parent issues having anxieties about being a dad could be an interesting way to add tension without being too drastic, and then that can be resolved in a way that reassures them of their relationship and reaffirms their strength as a couple. the talk about the future would also lay the groundwork towards a proposal at the end of s3.

-Grace

grace :) my love :)

I could watch episode after episode of Grace kicking ass and saving people over the phone. I'd love to see an episode set there? like, some kind of story within the call centre with all the handlers having to resolve that between them, but also tie in the first responders, so we see the fire team, the paramedics and Carlos all working but we only see the bits that Grace and the other call handlers hear, if that makes sense? also an actual Grace/Carlos team up where they are coming in from the different angles with different amounts of evidence and figuring out the best way to solve something together. plus I'd like to see her maybe get some recognition for being awesome at her job, maybe another handler coming to her for advice on how to solve something.

of course we've got the baby Ryder on the way, and I want that to go comfortably and smoothly for her. she deserves that. lots of wholesome excitement for her and Judd from the whole extended firefam, baby shower, gifts, the full works. pamper grace please.

-Judd

judd4captain2k22. please.

yeah I know its not gonna happen, but I loved judd stepping in as captain this season and I'd love to see that continued with him taking more leadership, and Owen deferring to him for advice/council in a work environment rather than personal life. maybe set up a long term idea about judd being a captain someday.

he's gonna be a dad :') so what are his anxieties about that? why were they putting it off before? was it related to his PTSD? he's got lots of people relying on him now, how does that make him feel? what if his kid loses him? id like to see him still using therapy as a tool to help himself deal with everything. lots of meaty questions to dig into there :D

-Marjan

I'd quite like to see more of her balancing her daredevil nature with the impact of that and realising how much danger she puts herself in sometimes. or on the flip side, maybe the team is dealing with a really dangerous situation and they utilise her fearlessness to save people. her relationship with social media could also come back? but bring in the development they gave her this season, and her Firefox presence is more serious, less flippant?

I think that theres now a space for her to explore her sexuality/romantic experience now that she hasn't got her engagement with Salim as a kind of failsafe. maybe she wants to put herself out there and date, but thats really daunting as shes never really had to do that before? personally I think this could tie in really well with a self discovery/exploration regarding her sexual orientation, but I doubt they’d go there with her, so thats just my headcanon.

-Paul

I want them to draw on Paul’s observational skills and perceptiveness more, especially on calls and in emergencies. I remember someone (sorry I cant remember who) pointed out that he would have been a great character to centre the arsonist plot around in terms of noticing the clues etc, so id love a storyline that revolves around him dealing with an emergency like that. I also really want a Carlos and Paul friendship so maybe them collaborating on a call to solve something, that’d be cool.

can we give Paul a girlfriend please. if im not complely insane, there was a reference to someone in like,, 2x04?? someone who put mayo in his sandwich? idk I havent checked (edit: it was aioli in his banh mi! thank you @meneatyoghurt), but if there is someone can we show him having a fun and loving relationship please. I dont need there to be any drama. just them having fun on a date or something.

-Carlos

so I know that some people are keen to see him in his police role more but I really don't need much of that. on calls with the 126 I'd like to see him be the officer in charge more, but I don't need police-exclusive storylines. I've talked about it here if you want to know why.

the only area that I'd like to see would be in the direction of reform/addressing the flaws of the system, and I think they can do that on a personal level for him, because he and Mitchell need a chat. if they'd gone with her decision in 2x08, he, Mitchell and the bank robber would all be dead, and I think thats gotta have some impact. also the fact that he was suspended for trying to preserve life. theres a lot they could work with there and maybe have him thinking about how he can do good and how he can effectively protect and serve. not to mention, the opportunity that would provide in terms of addressing his relationship with his dad and how he maybe sought approval by pursuing a police career?

also I’d like him to learn that he doesnt need to accept blame/preemptively put blame on himself and that he doesnt need to apologise when someone else hurt him. kind of want to send him to therapy. kind of want to send all the characters to therapy. but yeah, him learning that he can accept apologies and understand that he doesnt have to make people feel better for hurting him. hes allowed to be hurt and feel pained about it. and that can tie into his relationships with Mitchell, with TK and with his parents.

I think I mentioned most of the tarlos stuff in TK’s section, but I wouldn't mind at least one instance for them where we see it all from his perspective instead of TK’s.

finally ive mentioned above how i’d like a team up with Paul on a scene and both of them figuring it out together. I'd also like them having a friendship outside work, just the two of them, bonding over books and being relatively sane people compared to the rest of their friends.

-Mateo

Mateo is so sweet. I loved 2x14 and the recognition he got, more of that please! also theres still so much I want to know - one of the more consistent things they set up for him in s2 was his faith, so I want to know more about that. what's his relationship with religion and God? he's pretty isolated from his family so how does he feel about that? is his religion something that helps him feel connected to them? maybe the church helped him find a community when he first came to the states, before he got settled with the 126, and he finds reassurance in faith that God is looking after his family while he cant be there? I think maybe there's scope for a conversation between Marjan and Mateo about that, about that distance and caring for their families through faith and prayer.

also, if he's still with the horrible firehouse, I'd like to see the other firefighters being won round by his resilience and stepping up to look out for him, and someone backing him up against the captain. Mateo is used as the butt of the joke most of the time, but I'd also like to see a bit more acknowledgement of things like losing his house and the bullying hes going to get more of from this firehouse.

-Nancy

I think that her speech to Tommy in 2x14 was really telling, and I'd love to see them expand on that a bit more. first on the loss and fear of losing her friends and coworkers, but then also on her hopes and aspirations - she said she wants to be a paramedic captain so lets see her working to take her exams and qualifications, and showing initiative on scenes etc.

id like to see more of her being integrated into the 126 group. she and marjan turned up to the hangout together, so lets develop that relationship more. I would love it to be romantic but I'd also love to see that as a friendship. but also her forming bonds with others in the group as well as more of her and TK being a chaos duo. I love that they stole the ambulance, more of that insanity please!

-

I think thats it? if youre still reading, youre insane and I appreciate you a lot! honestly im open to all sorts of things in s3, this isnt a prediction or anything, its just stuff I think would be interesting based on where the characters are now. 

[revchainsaw]

The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

[infernwetrust]

A Little Attention Please [Michael Langdon x Jim Mason x Fem Reader] Pt 1.

Summary: Jim grows tired of Michael working on the holidays and in attempt to get his attention says some pretty truthful, but hurtful words, to which the both of you will now have to suffer. 

Warnings: pre-smut, angst, swearing, mentions of drug use, a little bit o-violence, arguing

WC: 2.5k

A/N: I’m really getting into the Michael x Jim x Y/N universe and I like it. The next thing I put out will be for Hands On, which can be found here. In the light of the upcoming New Year, here ya go! Thank you for reading! 2 part series. -Juno

They were going at it again. You could hear them. Michael and Jim, arguing. And while this wasn't the first of the many arguments between just the two, this one was serious. This one intensified as the constant shouting and the occasional shuffle of noises, which you knew were things either flying around or breaking, only continued to get louder. Jim was beyond fed up with Michael working all the time, but today hit home for the boy. It was New Years Eve. They were suppose to be getting drunk and high together, like Michael promised. They were suppose to be cooking together, all of them, like Michael promised. And if anything pissed Jim off the most, it was just the fact that they were suppose to be spending time together, but they aren't.

Once again, Michael got wrapped up in his cooperative work. He sits at his desk for most of the day, coming out office every now and then to make sure Jim and Y/N were still okay or to grab another Monster and a snack. He reads and replied to a slew of emails and texts from his Mac. He'd have a couple phone calls and a couple FaceTimes with what he called "the esteemed members of the cooperative". This one phone call in particular set Jim off and for a moment you blocked out the intensifying argument coming from Michael's office to replay the events leading up to this in your head.

***

You and Jim sat around the island counter, your hand lovingly rubbing over his thigh as the two of you stared up at the kitchen TV, watching whatever was on, sharing a bowl of popcorn. In the other room you could hear Michael, yet again, taking another phone call, when he was suppose to be out here with you and Jim.

"I mean what else is there to do before midnight?" you heard Michael ask whoever he was speaking to on the phone. "Just work, work, work, and work, you know that."

You could tell that Jim was getting aggravated as his leg now began to bounce against your hand as he tried to remain focused on the show playing in front of him. In an effort to help, you slowly glided your hand across the bulge that formed between his legs a few minutes ago, around the time you started rubbing his thigh. That was a huge turn on Jim had that you recently discovered. Anything dealing with his thighs, Jim was hard as a rock. Rubbing, biting, scratching, kissing, licking, you name it.

"Oh. Jim and Y/N are in the kitchen. I hear them in there watching Big Bang Theory." Michael said as he continued his conversation. "Ahhhh. They'll be fine for a few more hours. They know how important my work is. Doesn't matter as long as I'm in there before midnight, right?" Upon hearing those words, Jim slammed his hands down on the table, getting up, eyes red from his own intoxication with marijuana.

"Jim please don't." you whispered, grabbing his hand.

"Please don't?" he whispered back, raising his eyebrows at you. "Please don't?! I'm so sick of this Y/N."

"I know, baby." you said, standing up to face him, holding onto his hand. "But you also know Michael's role and what he has to do."

"I don't give a fuck about Michael's role right now. We gave him Christmas. We gave him Thanksgiving. We gave him his favorite, fucking Halloween and the one time we ask him to please be fully present on a holiday, what is he doing?" You fell silent, knowing that Jim was right. "Answer me, Y/N. What is he doing?"

"Talking it up with his cooperative 'bitches'." you replied. That's what Jim liked to call them and Michael often found it amusing, not knowing Jim's angry connotation behind it.

"Exactly." Jim said. "So let me go."

Michael walked in the kitchen, still on the phone, and glanced between the two of you, giving both of you a wink before grabbing a water from the fridge and making his way back to his office, causing Jim to snatch his hand from you, trailing shortly behind.

"No holidays off. Ever. Not even birthdays." Michael said. "I know I can't even rem-,"

Michael's conversation was cut short by Jim, who grabbed his phone from his ear and chucked it against the wall with all his strength, watching as it shattered to pieces. Michael quickly turned around, eyes black as the night sky before quickly realizing it was Jim who appeared in front of him.

"Jim..." he spoke, his voice soft, but also laced with a little bit of anger. You decided that you wouldn't follow Jim into Michael's office because when things got bad between the both of them, it got real bad. "Do you want to explain to me why you just did that? I was in the middle of an important call."

"Why does it matter Mr. Big Shot Anti-Christ?" Jim spat. "You work so fucking much that you have all the money in the world to by a new one right? People at your disposal 24/7 and on call for you, right, Mr. Langdon?"

"Jim what are you getting at?"

"And what do Y/N and I get again on another holiday, nothing." Michael sighed, sitting on the edge of his desk and folding his arms across his chest. He assumed that this was just another one of Jim's little outbursts, so he was going to let him finish. "A couple of kisses and a quick fuck, isn't doing it for me anymore Michael." Jim paused, turning around to look at Michael's giant flat screen that occupied the wall directly in front of his desk. What appeared on it, made Jim's blood boil even more. More often than not, on days that he was especially busy and especially missing his babies, he kept a slide show on of pictures and random videos of the 3. This slide show just happened to be his private album of the 3. Pictures ranged from his nudes, Jim's nudes, your nudes, to the pictures he took during the many sexual adventures the three of you would go on.

"Oh so this is how you get your rocks off instead of spending time with us, huh?" Jim asked, glaring at Michael. "Because why have the real thing when I can just stare at the pictures all day?" Michael chuckled, running his hands through his long blonde hair, his eyes never leaving Jim's. "I'm glad you think this is fucking funny." And without warning, Jim grabbed Michael's PlayStation controller and threw it at the TV.

"Jim what the fuck is the issue?!" Michael asked, starting to get angry. "Breaking things isn't going to solve anything!"

"You Michael. You are the fucking issue! The cooperative is the fucking issue!"

"Jim Jam you know I have to work! I'm not just some regular fucking CEO. Im the-,"

"Fucking anti-Christ. Yeah, tell me something I don't fucking know. So far that's all you've been rather than a lover to me and Y/N. One holiday. That's all we both asked of you and where are you Michael? In here. Again! It's fucking 8PM and we haven't even started cooking because we've been waiting on your ass all day!"

"I don't know how many times I have to explain to you how important it is that I have all these files together and quickly."

"And that's what you have a second in command for. Tell them to fucking handle it! You don't have to over see everything 24/7, Michael! We exist too. We want your attention too. We worship the ground you walk on too, but you know what they don't do?!"

"Jim, don't start-,"

"They don't love you like we do Michael. They follow your fucking DEAD BEAT father, Michael. Not you! Last time I heard, it was Hail Satan not Hail Satan's son."

"I suggest you watch your mouth, Jim Mason."

"Or what?" Jim asked, stepping closer to Michael. "You do all this work to impress your daddy, but where is he? I'm gonna recreate the world in my father's image, but where has father been throughout all of this?"

"He's doing his best!"

"His best? Oh fuck me, Michael. His best?! He left you in the middle of the woods to DIE at one point Michael! He ignores you on days ends, only giving you maybe an answer when he sees fit. And your cooperative bitches? Satan probably doesn't answer them either so of course they're following in your fucking foot steps. Who's the next best person when we can't reach the devil himself? His son."

"Stop." Michael said, sternly, jaw clenched.

"Yet here Y/N and I are, loving you for more than the fact that you're just the anti-Christ and we find ourselves constantly at the bottom because everything is sooooooo important. Fuck you, Michael. I love you, but fuck you. And if it came down to it, since no one really wants to put it in your head, your father would have no problem watching you die."

"I'll snap your neck." Michael said, grabbing Jim by his throat and giving it a squeeze.

"Did you ever really stop to think about it?" Jim questioned. "He's selfish, Michael. There can only be one Satan and if it means watching you suffer and struggle to find answers, then of course he's going to turn a blind eye to his precious boy. And his precious boy, so eager for every one in the world, not just his significant others, to suck him off, is willing to work himself to death for an answer he'll never be able to find." Jim was pushing all the right buttons and he knew it. If he couldn't pull Michael out of his work nicely, dark Jim was going to do it.

***

"Cooperative this! Cooperative that!" Jim yelled, storming out of Michael's office with Michael's MacBook in his hand, causing you to get immediately snap your head up.

"Jim, I swear, if you fucking-," Michael said, trailing behind him.

"You'll what, Michael?!" Jim questioned, abruptly stopping to turn around and face him. "You'll snap my neck? Set me ablaze? Do it then. At least that's some form of attention." And again without warning, Jim smashed Michael's computer, screen open, face down, on the coffee table, right in front of you, causing you to flinch and yelp.

"Jim!" you shouted, but Michael stood perfectly  still. And you remembered, vividly, what happened the last time Michael stood perfectly still. You quickly hopped up to your feet, grabbing Jim by his arm and yanking him towards the back door. "Come on, Jim."

"I'm not running from him." Jim said, stiffening his body so you couldn't pull him away any further.

"No, Jim, seriously. We need to step outside. I know he's not saying it, but I've seen this before and we need to give him some space. Now."

"I think he's had enough space from us."

"Jim can you put your anger to the side for one minute and just listen. I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but please, let's just go outside and give Mike some space."

"Whatever." Jim sighed, softening up and letting you pull him away, but before you could even get the door open, Michael used his powers to lock all of them, cocking his head to the side.

"Shit..." you mumbled to yourself. Why did Jim have to be so angry? Why did Jim have to get himself riled up and then go get Michael riled up? How did you always end up in the middle of it?

"Attention." Michael spoke, shifting his stance. "That's what you wanted right? Some attention?" He looked at the both of you, annoyed that he wasn't answered right away. He glared at Jim. "Answer me!"

Both you and Jim still remained silent, knowing that if you gave Michael the wrong answer, he'd snap. But what you both failed to remember is that Michael above all, hates not being answered at all. With the snap of his fingers, both you and Jim were tied up to a dining chair, stripped of most of your clothing.

"Okay my little brats. Since no one wants to give me answer." Jim went to move his lips to say something, but Michael, with the use of his powers, kept him silent. Michael squatted down, taking his blade from his back pocket, gently rubbing it along Jim's skin causing Jim to shiver. Michael could see the fear in both of your eyes. He could smell it more than anything and boy did that give him a rush.

"What's wrong, Jim?" he asked, chuckling. "Satan's son got your tongue? Baby boy, if you wanted me to fuck you so bad, all you had to do was ask. I mean the answer would of been no, considering how terribly you've been behaving, but damn Jim, breaking my shit? Oof. That's an all new low for you. And now look, hmmm? I'm gonna have to break you, starting with that precious little mouth of yours. I could smell your horniness the moment I walked into the kitchen and hear the frustration as I listened to your thoughts."

"Oh and my lovely little Y/N." Michael continued, his sexy, sadistic gaze now falling onto you. "You thought you would get off free, didn't you? Mmmm, no baby, I could hear your thoughts too and feel your frustration. And I guess daddy is so sorry that he's been neglectful of his pups, but what daddy is not sorry for, is working to ensure that the correct people make it to this new world."

"Nonetheless, daddy is done working now, I suppose, since you know, his stuff was broken, so now he has no other choice, but to dish out some attention, yes?" Michael looked at his watch that now read 9:30PM. No, that's not the longest argument him and Jim ever had. In fact the longest argument was between the 3 of you, lasting 4 hours in total. "Wow and only 9:30? This is going to be so much fun." You and Jim shuffled around nervously, but aroused in your seats.

"You see. I'm going to spend the next 2 and a half hours and so on and so forth, ruining the both of you. And if you cum once, if you make a noise louder than the volume I set the TV, I'll be sure that the both of you regret it going into the New Year." Michael stood back up, his hard on, on full display for both you and Jim, turning on the dining room TV to whatever station they would be broadcasting the dropping of the ball tonight.

"We'll start with Y/N, since she's been somewhat decent tonight." Michael beamed.

And all for a little attention.

Taglist: @jimmason @angelicmichael @whatcodysaid

[celinecooperjones]

WIP Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

tagged by @northern-serpent

tagging @deargrilledcheesusyouredelicious & @halcooper (I apologize if either of you have done this already.)

I don’t think I have too, too many WIP’s but we shall see.

In order of most recently modified:

Illicit Affairs- AU mini fic, in which FP and Alice have never met before and he starts working at the same law firm as her. She hates him at first but soon realizes, maybe he’s not all that bad.

Two Pink Lines- the current fic im working on, only two chapters left in it. Set in season 3 but, (for the most-part), not canon compliant, Alice and FP have started up an secret relationship, and Alice accidentally gets pregnant. FP winds up in jail because he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit... or did he?

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days- based off the movie, I was on a major roll with it but I just need to rewatch the movie to remember all the sabotages they do and I just don’t want to right now lol.

Chaperones- a oneshot taking place in my Northside Diaries series where Alice and FP are chaperones on Betty and Jughead’s school trip, all the while they’re secretly having an affair.

Don’t have a title for this one yet- I think it’s going to be a non-fanfiction story (shocking, I know), but I also could make it Falice? I don’t know I kinda wanna explore doing some original work, because I used to love doing that. Anyway, premise is, single mom, two young kids (I’m thinking daughters?), her daughters call the fire department because they got their kite stuck in a tree. And some sparks fly (ha, get it?) when the mom and the firefighter who answered the call, meet. But is she ready to date again?

How To Save a Life- I have absolutely nothing written for this, but it’s going to be based off the Denny & Izzy storyline from season 2 of Greys Anatomy.

Safe Haven- based off the movie. I had this idea of doing a series called “Falice Film Festival”, where I took famous movies and popped Falice into the starring roles, which is why there are so many movie inspired fics on this list.

Speaking of fics inspired by movies, I also had a “The Vow” esque Oneshot, and a “Dirty Dancing” au. The latter of which has nothing but the first one has a quote.

You and Me- All the times FP and Alice hooked up through the years. (It’s softer than it sounds lol.)

Rivermom’s Sex and The City- I don’t know what I have planned for this and I don’t know if I’ll write it but it just came to me when bringing SATC, and I thought it would be fun to see the Riverdale mom’s in that show. (And by the way here’s how I see them: Alice- Samantha, Mary- Miranda, Hermione- Carrie, Sierra- Charlotte.)

Here You Come Again (Again)- this isn’t what it will be called, I just don’t have another idea for a title yet. But it’s a sequel to my oneshot Here You Come Again, which accounts the events leading up to season 1 in my own personal canon. This one would focus on the events of season 1 (and possibly 2), and what happened in the scenes we didn’t see, like Alice dealing with the news of FP getting arrested, the Chic situation, and ya da ya da.

Baby Blue- Oh I have such a soft spot for this one I’m just completely stumped with it and haven’t touched it since March. It focuses on Alice’s life up until season 1 (y’all seeing a theme here?), and shows all the things that have lead up to her being the cold, closed off woman we met in season 1.

Parentdale- a script I’m writing because I want a Parentdale spin-off.

Curtain Call- famous Falice au fic! FP is a famous singer and runs into Alice at a cafe. She’s a songwriter and an up-and-coming musician, and the two of them embark on tour together.

Just Friends- Teen Falice fic that I think will be posted after I finish Illicit Affairs (mentioned above). Honestly just wanted another excuse to write a Fred and Alice friendship and I got a fun little idea for a fic, so stay tuned for that!

Who’s The Boss- based off the tv show Who’s The Boss, because I just thought it would be kinda fun. Might be a fic, might just be a long Oneshot, haven’t decided. I wrote the idea down last October though lol.

Jurassic Park 3 Inspired- I completely forgot I wrote this down and I genuinely do not think I will write it haha. It would of taken the general plot from Jurassic Park 3 (separated couple’s son goes missing, said couple goes to find him, fall back in love along the way), just minus the dinosaurs.

Bury The Evidence- I also forgot I wrote this idea down, but it’s a fun one. Falice have never met before, FP has just joined the Serpents and heads to the Wyrm to pick up his Serpent jacket. He runs into Alice, the girlfriend of the gang’s leader and hears strange noises coming from the office she was just in. When he walks in, he finds her standing over the gang leader’s body. And well... they’ve gotta bury the evidence.

Home- this one is one I’m just not sure about posting? FP moves to Riverdale after being discharged from the military. He instantly falls for his pretty blonde neighbour, but he suffers from PTSD and doesn’t want to let her into his life in fear of hurting her. Heavily inspired by the Owen and Cristina storyline in Greys Anatomy, but you know, not as toxic.

How It Began- A teen Parentdale fic I started years ago and have left untouched. I’ve gotten lots of comments wanting me to update but I just don’t like where I’ve taken the story so I think updating would entail a rewrite of the last chunk of chapters. Maybe some day though.

Ok so I definitely had more than I thought. Someone kick my butt and tell me to finish these because I forgot about most of them.

[ambroseias]

「lorenzo zurzolo & male/questioning」⇾ ambrose , elijah, the junior horton student’s records show that he is an virgo and 21 years old. he is studying classics and econ, living in noland and can be charming, diligent, self-centered & vain. when i see him i am reminded of clenched teeth, pyrrhic victories & a laugh that comes to haunt you. ⇽「momo & 20 & est & any pronouns.」 

“all stories are about wolves. all worth repeating, that is. anything else is sentimental drivel.” - margaret atwood

hi it’s momo ur resident mess and this is adapted from a previous intro i did so pls dont make fun of me if u catch mistakes. if u like this, i’m coming into ur dms to plot and, if u don’t, i’m still yearning for connection with ur chara. pls. come validate my cliched average bacchanalian icarus bitch, toxic faerie princeling, dark academia fuccboi, dorian grey in the FLESH.

full bio to be found HERE bulleted bio below

AESTHETICS.

sunlight on skin in the morning, like ribbons of gold gleaming between tousled sheets. he throws his head back, laughing. if you do not love him, then you will now. clothes, always pressed. hair, meticulously in place. a dog-eared copy of a streetcar named desire in the crook of his arm. lies. they come so easy to boys like him. lies. tinged honey sweet to hide the fact that there is nothing but teeth behind them. you’ve seen his face in a painting somewhere, you’re certain. and if not, then it haunts you in your dreams. kisses that always taste like champagne, no matter what time it is. if you cut him open, he’d be more red wine than blood. secrets. there is something he’s not telling you. secrets. something rotten behind that sweet-faced grin. walden and thoreau in place of a father figure. choosing dickinson instead of the mother he had. clenched teeth. pyrrhic victories. he wins, always, but at what cost? climb into his chest, now. ignore that miraculously still-beating heart. feel how hollow it is here? he has tried to fill this emptiness his whole life. he has never succeeded.

BULLETED BIO

TW parental issues

first off, say mommy issues into a mirror 3x and this bitch appears behind u like the demon he is

‘that’s it. thats the chara.

im jk but not rlly. eli is the only child to one of radcliffe’s esteemed feminism + gender studies professor (prof. vivianne ambrose) and their relationship has always been... rough

it’s not for lack of love. it’s just that-- sometimes, people are too alike. and it’s hard to apologize and express the love that you feel.

halfway “ignored” by his mother, he’s spent his entire life trying to gain the attention and love of everyone around him. he definitely tries to shift his personality to be the person u want him to be--- but can only really settle on pretentious intellectual + wild child

so ig what i’m trying to say is that ... he’s the duality of man if both dualities were the WORST and most pretentious

mostly, what’s happened is that the people who like him really like him. and the people who don’t-- he refuses to spend the time of day on.

+ like ! i guess the best way to describe him is bright, glittering, hard to look at directly.

he wants u to want him.

but he doesn’t want u to know him

classics n econ bc honestly, he wants to be a professor like his mom and teach classics or theatre BUT he refuses to admit it so he’s getting a double major in econ and telling himself he’s gonna be like a politician or lawyer or some other slick shit

he... ............... would make a good politician probably. 

but still. 

he rattles off a list of dream roles he wants to play. hamlet. coriolanus. oedipus. caesar. creon. gatsby. some are leads, some aren’t. but most of all-- “they’re tragedies,” you say, “you really like tragedies that much?”

he laughs glibly. “no--” he says, “god, of course not. but they’re the only things i can play. look, i know what i look like. i know what you think of me. deep down, you want nothing more than to see me suffer. on stage, you can.”

“and off-stage?“ you ask tentatively. his eyes flash green, his lips press together almost imperceptibly,  “oh come on. look at me. no one’s ever going to deny me of what i want.“

it’s a lie, of course. but it’s a good one. and it’s one that he goes to sleep telling himself.

pls i beg u!! yes, he’s terrible, but, deep down, i think he wants to be good. i think he wants to be soft. but the only time he ever got his mother’s attention was when he was doing something wrong and it’s made his perception of how love is supposed to be— skewed.

he definitely FEELS like an old soul, but he also probably has a very active thirst instagram using oscar wilde and margaret atwood quotes as captions

i hate him dearly pls

IMMA ADD MORE WANTED CONNECTIONS

people who have studied under/knows his mom -- ur too close. everytime he sees u he flinches. he’ll walk in during ur consultation with his mother and the two of them will stiffly update each other on their day and ur like god dang what a weird ass relationship. alternately, he’ll sit outside his mother’s office while ur doing consults. and u can’t help but wonder... god... what kind of mom, would make her child wait.

friends/enemies/etc. from childhood --- he grew up near the university has always been around town

wld die for a childhood crush on him or from him, but likely from him bc that’s cute af

a childhood friend that has always been his ride-or-die, even though they’ve definitely grown apart bc elijah has a fear of Emotional Intimacy!! but u knew him once and u know... there’s a real boy behind that layer of pretense.

step/half-siblings !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --- his mom might have remarried! his bio dad maybe is lurking out there with another family! who knows!

a tormentor --- for anyone who knows the ambrose family, its’ not hard to see that the relationship btwn mom + son is strained. and like-- that’s something eli is always gonna be sensitive abt. ur chara knows that eli isn’t the hard shell he pretends to be. he’s just a soft boi longing for approval + that scares tf out of eli

people who eli hates -- mostly softs who remind him of his own failure to become completely unfeeling

rlly pretentious friends

unpretentious not friends

party friends

litcherally anything

neighbors

one night stands

fwbs

exes (elijah is tentatively pan, but objectively hates labels)

i live for apartment plots so pls hit me up if ur chara lives in noland

[gongju-juice]

HANA

Part One

Word Count: 2628

Warning: Language and Some Angst

Synopsis: President Namjoon can no longer sit and watch his people suffer in the long drawn out war with Daeian Kingdom. But he finds the only to do so is to proceed in a marriage alliance with the daughter of his country’s worst enemy.

Not everyone likes that. 

The thing that defines a nation is not the prosperity of its people, its economical accomplishments, or the culture that affects the everyday lives of millions. 

It is the integrity of its leader, the very face and image of the people who allowed him to rise to power. Perhaps, this is where other great nations fail. From Julius Caesar to Hitler—the ambitions of one man can steadily build a nation to power over the course of many years, but just the same, burn it to ashes in one single day.

Kim Namjoon, honorable President of Hana knew this too, and knew it well. Ever since his inauguration, he’d made it a priority to brave the best smile for the citizens of his country. As one of the only true Democratic nations left in such a corrupt world, Hana was constantly being looked to both as a beacon of light and as a target overdue for destruction. There were shadows lurking about that seeked not only the downfall of Hana, but the permanent eradication of Hanaeian way of life and government.

So why, you might ask, was he standing behind his presidential podium on the top balcony of the Pearl Palace, announcing to his people and the Blue District his intentions to marry the daughter of Hana’s most formidable enemy nation?

“Brothers and Sisters,” he called, leaning into the podium. His nails dug deep into the ancient rose wood, carving indents into the glossy covering. “I come to you again in the name of reason. We have been in a stalemate war with the Kingdom of Yeir for three decades now, wasting generations of our sons’ blood for a fight that has long lost its purpose. It is time we make peace, for Hana was founded on this precious ideology that the rest of the world refuses to partake in.”

A sea of gasps sounded below the balcony, and as far as he could see, people were crowded onto the broad green lawn of the Pearl Palace. This war they’d been fighting, this war they’d been dying for—it was a ceaseless cycle of bloodshed and violence. How could Hana proclaim to be the most sensible nation when in reality it had been constantly fighting its demons and draining its people of morale and hope?

“I have sent a proposition to King Dae and his royal court,” he continued, “in an effort to arrange a peace agreement and end this unceasing war once and for all.”

The people surged in approval, and although he was a high above them in the Pearl Palace, the sound was nearly deafening. He cleared his throat loudly, and the sound reverberated throughout the courtyard, bringing the people to contented silence.

“With compromise comes sacrifice. As your leader, I pray that you are willing to lend me your trust. Dealing with this. . .kingdom and its ancient form of government, there are bound to be terms and limits that may not exactly align with Hana’s policies. Please understand that these are all necessary stipulations.”

The crowd remained quiet, and it both pleased him and terrified him. The next words he were to say would define the remainder of his term. Four years. . .in Hana; one could be President for life. However, it was very easy to go down in history books as either a saint or sinner, and Namjoon hoped to go down as the former. But for the sake of the country, he’d be willing to go down as the latter if it only meant it would guarantee the safety of his fellow countrymen.

“King Dae has offered Crown Princess Y/N’s hand in marriage in exchange for a complete cease of fire.”

Suddenly, the crowd erupted. There were people shouting his name—some in support and others in, well, quite the opposite. The guards monitoring the situation moved in closer, but there was not much they could do. Namjoon pre-instructed the Head of Security, Matthew Kim, not to let his guards touch the people. He couldn’t risk the situation escalating any further and further paint the situation in a negative light.

“I know it sounds absurd. As a Democratic nation, Hana never envisioned having to put itself in such a precarious position. But sadly, the world does not revolve around Hana, and if we are going to peaceably exist in this world, there will be things we will have to do in order to ensure that privilege.”

Namjoon felt his Secretary of State, Jung Jaehyun, tense at his side. As the Secretary of State, he was responsible for foreign affairs and the diplomatic handling of other nations. Namjoon internally beat himself over it; he was the one who’d ask Jaehyun to arrange the engagement with the Yeir Kingdom, which would in turn not only damage his own reputation, but Jaehyun’s reputation as well. He was a good man, and good men did not deserve the blame he was sure to receive.

“Because I know this is such a tremendous task, I shall be the one to carry the responsibility of being wed to the Princess,” he explained, gripping the podium even tighter. “And I know you’re probably wondering why you did not hear of these plans through Congress. I’m using the authority of my limited executive orders to get this task done.”

Cameras snapped and children screamed in the crowd. He straightened the papers on the podium and quickly skipped to the end of his speech.

“Once again, I acknowledge the fact that my decision is not a popular one. But as President, it is not my duty to be popular. It is my duty to see to it the people of Hana continue to exist in peace and self-autonomy for generations to come.”

He watched as the telepromopter changed to Vice President, Lee Taeyong’s, dialogue, and he turned and left the podium with screaming people behind him. Fiddling with the sleeves of his suit, he fell into step beside his Secretary of State and felt the heated stares of his cabinet burn a whole in the back of his head.

“How are the plans going?” he said after he couldn’t bear the fiery silence any longer.

Jaehyun tucked his files under his arm and seemed to speed up. The ambitious young man was the perfect choice for the position, which is why he immediately hired him in his cabinet. When they weren’t working, which wasn’t often, they sat around the Pearl Palace and drank Soju as just friends. It was during these times that they could be normal civilians, just associates hanging around without the mandated roles of being public officials.

“The Princess and her arrangements are underway, but King Dae requests the traditional wedding present in the form of a dowry.”

“Dowry?” the President repeated. “Like money?”

“Land. He wants her to inherit one of the islands of the coast of the country, and he wants her future son to have a guaranteed position in the Pearl Palace.”

Namjoon gulped. “Son? Like, he expects us to—”

“Conceive a child? What did you think this was? There’s no way a tyrant like him would jeopardize his lineage all for the sake of a peace treaty.” Jaehyun gave him a worried glance, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a president, Namjoon. And he’s a king. Honest men shouldn’t work with men like King Dae, and honestly, if I didn’t trust you as much as I do, I wouldn’t have done half the things you’ve asked me to do recently.”

They rounded about one of the corners and came into the Rose Office, which was Namjoon’s personal study. Inside, the Governors of all eight districts were present. 

Hana was divided into seven districts with seven separate Governors that reported to the President occasionally. Usually, these meetings were done digitally, but with the special situation at hand, Namjoon wanted the seven leaders to visit him in person.

Lisa Manoban, his Secretary of Domestic Affairs; and Park Jimin, his Secretary of Treasury, were also present for the occasion. They were his right hand people, and he trusted them with his life.

“What the hell is wrong is with you?” Kim Jognin demanded, as he whirled on his heels. “Do you think we’re some kind of pushovers who’ll let you do whatever you want? We are the ones in charge of the nation, not you. You’re just a name. A figurehead. We did not give you authority to do such a rash—”

“If you keep speaking to our president like this, I will make it my priority to make things difficult for you in the future,” Lisa warned, folding her arms across her chest. “Namjoon doesn’t have to inform you of anything if you won’t give him a fair chance to begin with.”

Namjoon sat down in his swivel chair, hands finding purchase in the thick of his hair. “That’s enough. We have business to discuss. Everyone take a seat, please.”

They did as they were told, and now it was silent as they waited for the president to make ready on his promise.

“I should’ve told you about the deal,” he admitted. “I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. I knew that if I would’ve, you would’ve never gone along with it. Congress would’ve never gone along with it. I found an opportunity, and I had no choice. King Dae wasn’t going to wait much longer.”

“So how are we supposed to quell the people’s worries?” Chungha asked. “They absolutely loathe the Daeian people. How could they stomach a Daeian Princess in the Pearl Palace?”

Namjoon’s fingers fell to his jaw and he reclined back in his chair. “Once they see their sons, nephews, and fathers coming back from the front, they will accept it. It’ll take time, and it won’t be easy, but they’ll come around. With your help.”

“Our help?” Im Jaebum chuckled. “And why the fuck would we ever give you that?”

“Because Namjoon already told the public that you’re on board. You have no choice but to do it now, because if you don’t, then you’ll be going back on your word.” Jaehyun answered, turning on the holographic display of his watch to show the signed letter sent out to every household in Hana.

“And that’s supposed to scare us? That you lied and have no proof behind it?”

“It should. It should terrify you. Because even if you didn’t agree and this flops and they crucify Namjoon, who do you think they’ll come after next?”

Jaehyun had a point. Arguably, the Governors were the most powerful individuals in the country after the president. But in the heat of anger, the public would hunt them down and overthrow them just as sure. They had no choice but to cooperate.

“Another thing,” Jimin began, “Her dowry. Jinyoung, I hate to ask this favor of you—”

The Governor raised his hand. “Say no more. As Governor of the Lilac District, it would be an honor to aid our president in protecting our country. Which island does she want?”

“Preferably the Southern Isle. We’ll have to find accomodations for the refugees living on that land elsewhere. The Federal Treasury will completely cover the cost, so do not worry.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jennie, Governor of the Blue District, growled. The Blue District happened to be the home of the Capitol and Pearl Palace, so she and Namjoon constantly got into power struggles. “This is bullshit. Now you’re taking away Jinyoung’s land?”

Namjoon shook his head. “I didn’t say this would be easy, folks. You think I want this marriage to happen? Do you think I wanted to be married to the daughter of my sworn enemy?! I’m doing this for you, so your children won’t have to continue to fight in this bloody, eternal war. Hopefully in the future we can make arrangements so Jinyoung won’t actually have to lose power, but for now, we have to at least pretend if we’re going to get this deal to go through.”

It was quiet as the Governors took everything in. This would mean big changes, not just for their lives but the country as a whole. And refusing to cooperate could potentially mean the end of Hana—hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

“You didn’t have to do this,” San considered, a sigh leaving his lips. He was the youngest Governor among the bunch, but he never seemed to have any problems. He represented the Green District, the district responsible for agriculture and food reserves. “But I’m glad you did it anyway. For years, my people have been required to send at least one adult male from their family to fight for the country. The labor is mostly left up to the women and children, and it’s affecting their education and morale. It’s less noticeable in other districts because of the type of work that is assigned to them, but in my district, we work in the fields and barns all day long, and it isn’t easy to provide for the entire nation.”

“Perhaps the refugees who have passed most of their background checks can be relocated to my district,” Irene suggested thoughtfully. She governed the Indigo District which was composed mainly of barren snow desert with a few scattered villages that harvested oil.

Namjoon nodded at them appreciatively. It was ironic that the least powerful Governors were the ones who had his back. But still, it was better than nothing. The last thing he wanted was his other people to be split apart. He wanted them to at least try to fulfill his plan.

“The Princess will arrive next week to the Red District,” Jaehyun informed them. “Jognin, you will be responsible for her safe delivery and accommodations. We expect nothing but the best for our guest.”

He rolled his eyes and sank lower into his chair. “Fine.”

“And, Jennie, while she has her tour of the District, you must prepare the Blue District for her arrival. The wedding, reception, and royal accommodations will all be in your hand. The Treasury will cover you for that, but you must consult Jimin before any permanent transactions are made.”

Namjoon rose to his feet. “I really do appreciate you for all of your hard work. It isn’t accomplishing something as controversial and risky as this. I do believe if we all work together, we can get this done and spare the people of this war. If you won’t do it for me, then please, do it for them.”

The Governors bowed and began leaving. As they left, Namjoon studied their facial expressions. They were angry for sure—offended by the thought of having to work with the Daeian government—but he sensed hope. Perhaps they weren’t so totally against it as they first let on.

Just before the last person left his office, Jennie stopped in place and waited until they could no longer hear the voices receding.

“Just remember, Namjoon,” she spat, heels clicking as she resumed walking, “We’ve been here longer than you have. Our families have shaped these districts and made it the great societies they are today. If this goes sour, we will not hesitate to take things in our own hands.”

He sighed and looked up at her, noticing the glistening eyes behind her thick designer glasses. She was still hurt. He could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at him with hatred and malice burning in her heart.

“I won’t let anything happen to this country,” he promised, “and most importantly, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She stared at him in disbelief, her hands curled in fists. “Tell that to the princess,” she advised, “because with the staggering amount of people who’ll inevitably come for her life—she’ll need it.”

I don’t know if it’ll be this long every time, but I’m usually long-winded, so maybe so lmao.

[stagjmes]

❛  if there’s one thing the gods love, it’s tragedy. with wings that burn and boys that fall. ❜

—wait a second, is that HIM, the PUREBLOOD sorted into GRYFFINDOR house? their name is JAMES POTTER but they share a startling likeness with AUBREY JOSEPH. in their SEVENTH YEAR, they’re known as the SHEPHERD, probably because they are CHARMING but DEPENDENT. i wonder what side they’ll end up on at the end.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts.

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego that everyone did

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like… so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like… yikes.

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point — he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy…. that infuriated him.

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ — life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals — every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just…. popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

I hate him

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like… boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side…. i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like… idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos.

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

[ofprcngs]

BRANDON ARREAGA — Well, if it isn’t JAMES POTTER, the GRYFFINDOR superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re CHARMING and INCISIVE, but they can also seem pretty DEPENDENT and INEXORABLE. Sometimes people call them the SHEPHERD. Sure, they’re a PUREBLOOD, but that doesn’t define them. 

i literally have 0 explanation for why i did this other than i’m in love with him. but also, he’s a mess, so jot that down. if you wanna know more about him ( protip: don’t ) then i recommend checking out his pinterest and then i dunno.... contemplate why i’m a punk ass bitch, i guess. enjoy this mess. plot with me. ily.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like... so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like... yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point --- he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy.... that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ --- life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals --- every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just.... popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess 

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like... boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side.... i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like... idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

WANTED CONNECTIONS

girlfriend: i hate to expose myself as a whole ass jily stan but... here i am i guess. but also, listen: he really thinks he’s over her right now. like, he truly believes his days of pestering lily evans are behind him. it was just a crush! it’s gone! ( spoiler alert: it’s not ) BUT he is so convinced that he has got himself into this relationship which is really just... a mess. like highkey it’s obvious he could never fully love her bc his Heart Belongs to Lily or whatever but he does care for her deeply and has tricked himself into believing it’s love. it’s hard, man. he’s confused. send help.

ex-girlfriend(s): more of above but like... less intense? or more intense! who knows, frankly.

childhood friend(s): i’d die for childhood friends. jake/gina dynamic? iconic. just anything, really.

odd friend: ok like... as i mentioned, he’s still kinda wary of slytherins and ppl who grew up in purist culture, but i would love love love to see someone who was one of the first to show him that not all those people are so bad. like someone from a purist family or the like who was just chill and friendly and actually befriended this asshole even when he was... well, an asshole. it’d be fun, ig. also if they eventually do end up recruited for the de’s bc of family stuff or whatever... bonus points.

rivals: i’m tired. you understand.

[icselpatlamalar]

Life Purpouse and Other Flower Bullshit

I have never been a normal person lmao. Which is okay but they ccrushing anxiety, fomo and social rejection has always let me suffer up & down through the shame and self-hateret tornado. For the longest time i have been trying to be positive, friendly, chill, responsible, hardworking, basicly tried to reenact the übermechen as if its possibly plausable. But nope i am chaotic bitch. Many would describe me as childish, has anger issues, clingy, depressed, traumatized, weird. Yes bitch, yes. But the thing people forgot it is thats how i enjoy my life. 

Im not a sort of person who can only get a bonner from acting as a mediacore goodie two shoes who projects every toxic bs they cant face including their projection defence mechanism to satisfy a deep rooted inferiority complex covered by saviour complex due to not having any sort of skill set or courgae to have live. Or be a part of modern day slavery.

I’m not a good person because i don’t care about normal bullshit that can hype a normal person, such as structure and regulations. I like pushing boundries, creating chaos, being existentialy and socially suicidal. I dont care about being a good human, i care about having fun and askign the realy deep questions that people want to avoid. I want to look at the shadows and shallows to see a deeper shit for the fucks sake.

I don’t want to live in a glass apartmant with golden bearings and that’s what people assume i am at? I was never there dammit bitch. I was always chilling at the wall of a art museum rebelling against the very core aestetic of the subject matter. Who the fuck do people think they are who the fuck they think i am? I was never a good person, i was never a bad person, i was always a chaotic shitter. I dont care about being the god or the best in the universe, i wanna be the shit that kills it. Fucking dammit why you gotto be so fake and predictible to feel good about yourself? Is that how being a “role model” works IRL when cameras are not on? Cuz i would rather traumatize everyone by violently orcestrate a suicide attempt then work at an office job, classifiying categories of swedish cheese or some boring shit like that. No offese cheese, fuck you sweden. 

Only real problem i am terrified of letting go of is the amout of shame and rejecting i get from people, maybe the cause of my shame is the rejection, who knows. I wanna be a part of the society yet simonteniously rebel against it. Is this how disorganzied attachment style works? Even if it is, i would rather be this way than change my brain chemicals and pathways to fit in a job that can help (well its not helpful) me barely survive. I want to be an artist for fuck sake.

Wanna producing my own shit but even the aestetical expectation can make me wanna drop my pens to the bin and walk the fuck out of that door to never come back again. Yet here we are in another self rebellion agains the things dont evn exist and all just in my head... Why gotto feel opressed and to concure it to feel free? Is all my personality is just based on childhood traumas and nothing else thats positive or is this just me as a health human boy man? Is this it? Just that? Can i never be a goodie two shoe even if i try?

The fundemental problem with me is that i am against god and life yet again i just sit there i a comtempt jsut being mad and knowing how to defeat him + it. Fucking shitty god i can kill myself and win this shit. Bye? I dont think so. You dont exist anyway. 

What i am against is, i just feel the pain of being totally free and out of control without anything to fight for when i win. Winning is losing when you are already a winner in the most simpleset things. And maybe yeah i am an obsesively rightgeous person, which is true tho i am right always. It just begs the question, what now? That i won fair and square?

Is this it? Find a shit to chaotifie? Thats sad.

[sunshine-tears-brokenhearts]

A somewhat shorter version of my life

I come from a broken home , my family fight , we scream and shout and get very angry we hurt each other with words, words we can’t always take back ,

Growing up was never easy , surrounded by violence and hatred, the feeling of being loved less than everyone else . Not knowing why my dad didn’t want me . Not knowing why my mother cried in her room on the floor . Why she was always so angry.

Moving town after towm built me and broke me , I have been so many different people , I have built myself up to be broken so many times , I explored a the life of drugs and alcohol cause the pain I was suffering everyday was so unbareable that I needed something to make it go away.

I have been beaten and bruised , wished my life away so many times , being controlled by a tiny piece of metal that didn’t even seem to hurt as much as it should have . Hospital visits , upon doctors appointments followed by years of counselling that never made a difference , different medications that are sworn to ‘help’ but only made me feel more like nothing than I already felt , like my whole personality was just taken away from me .

Different men in my life that are supposed to be role models but only make me question the human race , who beat up my mam and shove me into walls and touch my leg. Make my little sister wet herself cause she was so scared , a man a man who was trusted to come into our lives and supposed to 'love’ our mam but only to smash a lamp across her head, for me to climb out my window in fear and for us to have to drive so late at night to a family friend just so we’re safe.

Counless times I’ve experienced things not even some adults have seen . The love for my family that I had slowly started to fade the trust I had in them was gone and the people who were supposed to make a 13 year old feel didn’t exist .

From being bet by family and bullies and having fake friends , to feeling suicidal every now and then to it being all I thought about . Every minute of every day. That tiny piece of metal became my only friend but when my sister found our she felt obligated to tell my mam and of course we already know she didn’t handle it well she frightened me into promising 'oh it was a one time thing’ I don’t think she actually believed this was true but In her mind she was ’ parenting right’ she picked up a sisscors and proceeded to slit her own wrist only to tell me that I done this.

So when she noticed I hadn’t stopped this she fucked me off to live with my dad who I knew nothing about , he never wanted me growing up so why now? I couldn’t understand how he cared now or at least I thought he did .

A few weeks later it was new year’s Eve in a town where I didn’t know anyone I didn’t know who I was. I wished it right there and tried to end my life.

I woke up the next morning with the worst feeling in the world , and noticed that nobody had even come to check on me , knowing what had been going on in my life but that was the moment I realised that nobody cared , I was alone in the world with nobody there .

I started school with one friend who became more like a sister than a friend , friendship so close that went up in flames . As I sat in the office waiting to be shown around it was around 9:15 I watched all these people pass me , staring I felt shame , I wasn’t sure why I felt it but it’s what I can only describe as shame , a girl walked in and I got this feeling that I hadnt felt in a while , not since my first crush on my bestfriend.she walked straight past me didn’t even look my way blue hair and the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen. She just had this presence about her that made me wonder .

We kissed in the bushes and it all started from there , that summer I was in a relationship with a girl, something that I had always been closed off about sharing with people , but everyone knew I guess my poker face wasn’t great.

Months went on of being broken up with so she could sleep with someone else , wasn’t a healthy relationship in any form. I ended up hospital for a week cause I had a nervous breakdown at 14 , the doctors saw the skin on my arms didn’t exist and in it’s place was hundreds of cuts that left scars that never faded .

I was seeing a girl who I cared for so much , I went away for the summer to see my best friend we rarely seen each other and she understood memore than anyone and something changed me forever that still haunts me to this day , some boy who I thought was a 'friend’ sexually assaulted me in her mother’s room , blood pouring down my leg , he cut me with his nails and told me I wanted this , even though I proceeded to say 'NO’ and begged him to stop and cried , he proceeded to tell me I wanted it , he made me feel like it was my fault. I couldn’t bear it . I swallowed some pills any that I could find and drank some vodka that burned my throat . It didn’t work. I ended up leaving the girl I was seeing because I felt like I had done something wrong. I couldn’t get close and I was distant .

Coming up to my last year of school still struggling to unfriend that shiny piece of metal I meet my first boyfriend who seemed to be the best thing in the world only to be a prick who put drugs before me and didn’t know shit , who went on to treat me like I was nothing , that’s when my anxiety started to get bad , panic attack after panic attack I didn’t know who I was , only to be broken and loose all sense of control I had. He made me feel like I was going to die without him , completely controlled . I had to move town to get away from him because he seemed to think he had the power to say im not allowed break up with him .

I started college and everything was great I figured so much things out , ironically I studied psychology . Selfish it seemed I was doing it more to understand myself and the people who hurt me.

I was living with a mate from school who I soon realised I didn’t want to be her mate , we were too alike . But she lies.

I lost myself , taking drugs and drinking the equivalent of my body weight in vodka every week , during the week , whenever I could , I wasn’t stable but I felt happy , I started sleeping with people , I had only ever had sex with a man once before this , it wasn’t for me , I didn’t see any appeal to it .

I had no respect for myself . I didn’t care if people we’re using me , I couldn’t feel anything , I met my best friend who made me feel everything made me feel love again and helped me to realise that maybe I don’t deserve what I put myself through. We promised we would always be there and regardless of the times I fucked him over he was always there ,still now.

I lost friend and gained some , I traveled from group to group as my personality changed , I trusted when I shouldn’t have and didn’t trust when I should have ,

Then I met him. I met someone who changed everything , he is utterly the one person in the whole world that breaks me but also builds me back up , that’s not good is it? Someone having so much control over your emotions , someone who said they loved me and made me feel more than I’ve ever felt. Someone who I knew would never hurt me the way I had been hurt in the past but I was struggling when I met him , that little shitty piece of metal was back in my life and somehow they made me forget about it .. I fell head over heals for him , I moved back home to my mam for the summer leaving him but we promised we would wait.

We found our way back but I had grown so much over the summer and gotten so far with myself , I felt more and cared more. We loved each other so much , but one day he woke up and decided he couldn’t say it anymore , even kiss me , he would sleep in my bed with his back facing me , no affection no love , it tore me into a million pieces , and the only excuse was ’ I don’t know’ and made me feel I done something wrong. I fell straight back into my back hole of depression where I never seemed to easily come out of .

My life has been a whole load of heartache so how can I cry over someone who 'doesnt want me' is it just selfish to love people when I can't even love myself and my life . Spiriling out of control and not knowing where to go. It's sad when you have so much love in your heart but it expresses like hatred.