#that these negative conversations will end and that she can already feel more positivity in the office this week

[yutaslaugh]

decided i will be resigning next month just in time for when i leave for overseas 😊😊😊

[sageryuri]

NEW YOU, JAKE SIM.

pairing jake sim + afab!reader.

genre fluff, angst, smut.

summary all hell breaks loose when you, the heir to the throne, decides to run away to begin a new life. luckily, you experience a surprise encounter with jake sim, which brings upon freeing adventures and sprouts a taboo relationship between a princess, and a poor criminal.

word count 10.7k (unedited).

warnings i’m sorry for the beomgyu slander 😔, jake refers to reader as princess as much as he can really, suicide mentions, family toxicity, NSFW MINORS DNI!!! (fingering fem!receiving, handjob, oral male!receiving, unprotected sex, light choking), death mentions.

an tis here!! took me awhile but i always prevail. ty for all the support <3

Royalty never lived up to the expectations that outsiders had anticipated. None of the money, gowns and experiences would live up to what those people would always have — complete freedom.

They could travel whenever they desired, do what activities they desired, be with who they desired; ultimately being who they wanted to be. You were stuck on the inside of a kingdom, and despite its tremendous size, it could never live up to the feeling of adventuring outside of the castle walls.

You had been unsure what you had done wrong to deserve something so terrible, but you had been enforced into a marriage that you would never agree to. In fact, they were so enthralled by this marriage, that you were not allowed to leave the premises so you couldn't meet anyone else until you had fallen in love.

Though, you don't think anyone could fall in love with Choi Beomgyu. He was idiotic, vain, rude and every other possible negative adjective you could think of. Even those who matched his asininity would barely be able to cope in his presence.

However, you sense you're the only one who doesn't fall for his 'charms' since everyone else seems to fawn over him whenever he appeared. Of course, you had to be the one who would in be betrothed to him in the end.

You had simply had enough.

As it was, you weren't a fan of your life before the marriage had been finalised. You weren't suited to the position of a queen nor did you want to follow that lifestyle. All that you wanted was the opportunity to be free.

What could be any better than making a plan to run away?

This was probably the fifth ball you had attended this month; you weren't sure why they had them so much, because they all had the same step-by-step procedure as if it was some form of experiment.

You would watch as your parents made their way around, greeting the same people, the same way, as if they hadn't seen each other a week ago. It was comedy-worthy how absolutely fake every single person here had been.

Within minutes of being there, you had already made your way over to the buffet table where your only friend, Julia, had been encouraged (practically scolded by your mother) to stand.

Her mother had been your babysitter as a child since it was rare your parents would find the time to actually spend any moments with you. Julia was the same age, so had grew up alongside you. It was interesting how opposite both of your lives had turned out to be despite being brought up by the same person, just with different blood.

"God, this is just as boring as I'd imagine it to be. Look at them all, it's like a food chain. I'm shocked nobody had cracked yet." You stand next to her, avoiding the gaze of everybody else in the room as you usually would.

"You shouldn't speak that way, you never know who is listening in." Julia had always been nervous when it came to your public conversation, considering she'd likely receive more of a punishment then you would, however, she leans into you more, "I would have to agree though. I could not point out a singular person who genuinely looks interested in their conversation."

"I mean, look at that herd of girls over there. They've been squawking with each other all evening, but I definitely saw Emily pointing fingers at Destiny last week." You nod your head towards the group that stood near the entrance, all chatting with one another as if they wouldn't talk behind each other's backs any other time of day.

Your eyes shift along, expecting to find another group of people to roll your eyes at, instead encountering quite a surprise. There's a servant that you don't quite recognise; brown shaggy hair, the same familiar white uniform that appears to be loose fitting, but seems to still look just right.

Surely, you think, you would have remembered someone like him.

"Julia, do you recognise him? I'm not quite sure he's ever been here before." You ask, she looks in your direction with furrowed brows as she takes in the man that you're looking at. She squints her eyes, thinking, then shakes her head.

He hadn't done anything to imply he was up to something suspicious, but you had a strange feeling about him. Feeling entranced by him, you try to think of a normal excuse so that you could speak with him — but your parents get to you first.

"Darling! Where have you been? We have been looking for you everywhere!" She beams at you, rather fabricated considering her eyes seem to be filled with annoyance since you had been staying distant from her the entire ball.

Unfortunately for you, Beomgyu slides into the conversation with his horrifically flirtatious smile that only forms disgust in your mind. He takes your hand, placing a kiss on it; Julia stifles a laugh when you side-eye her.

"It's nice to see you again, my love." He smirks at you, your mother almost clapping her hands in excitement as she watches, "Care to dance?"

Your mind searches for any excuse to refuse his offer, but your mother's fiery gaze barely gives you the option to think. You hate to be like everyone else in the room, but you give your best smile and place your hand into his.

Considering this would be your last time making your mother happy, you may as well allow it to happen.

The moment you reach your bedroom, you fall into your bed with a long groan. To be expected, the dress and makeup had taken at least an hour to remove, reaching almost one AM by the time you were in your chamber.

Minutes later, Julia wanders in her room for her 'nightly duties' — gossiping with you after a exhausting day. She conforms to you, jumping on your bed as you had.

"You look worn out- well, I'm not surprised after that." When she says that, you know she's referring to the excruciating dance that you had the dishonour (to yourself) of taking part in, "How was that enchanting dance?"

"I'm not sure if he was nervous or it was just natural, but his hands were incredibly sweaty! Normally I wouldn't judge, but surely you wouldn't hold someone's hand for that long when they're practically slipping off." Julia bursts into laughter at your response, tears spilling from her eyes.

You're going to miss Julia. In honesty, she was the only person that could keep you here and you wish you could take her with you. It would be too dangerous and risky, so you would have to give her the best.

"Julia... I was hoping you could help me with something." You take your bottom lip between your teeth and she looks at you expectingly, eyes boring into yours, "I'm really not sure how you will take this thought of mine, but it's truly what I think will be the best. I want to leave, and go far way."

Her mouth opens, no words to be spoken but it is clear she has many things to say.

"I know I should have mentioned my feelings to you earlier, and I am sorry for my selfishness. This is something I need, and I want your help, if you could." You look at her with hope, praying that there was something that she could do for you.

She sighs.

"I know a way that you'll be able to leave, quite easily." She states, she watches as your eyes light up and you become more absorbed in the conversation, "I know that they don't allow you to go into the basement of the castle. It's because there's a passageway through and door that leads through to the outside. It hasn't been used in many years."

In your mind, you recall every time someone had tensed up or began stuttering over their words whenever you got too close to that basement door. It was as if they knew that you had been planning to do something drastic, such as running away.

"How on earth would I get there if they're so cautious about me going in? It doesn't sound too wise." You sit up from your previous position, walking over to your wooden desk to take a seat. Allowing your head to fall into your hands, you question whether this was possible.

"Well... At particular times of the day, the guards leave their stations. Usually during your late dinners, actually- and around 4AM in the morning when they begin preparing for you to awake. If you can get out of the diner tonight, I'll show you." She whispers under her breath at you, just in case anyone had been deciding to listen in at the wrong time.

You have never hugged someone as tightly as you had with Julia. Within minutes, you had gone from having zero idea of how to get to your own paradise to having a knight in shining armour that so happened to be your best friend.

The dinners with your family were the worst part of being a royal; you had to spend an extended amount of time with them. Despite being your blood, they never felt like they were. Realistically, they likely didn't care for you that much, you were created for an alliance.

Even if it hadn't been explicitly stated, there was no doubts that it was the reality.

If you had to admit anything, the dining hall was gorgeous. The walls are as tall as can be, painted portraits and landscapes scattering every wall. Candles are sporadically placed around the room, as well as in the large hanging chandelier.

However, the gigantic table in the centre just made the dinners much more awkward.

"I see you talked with Prince Beomgyu at the last ball. I'm glad the two of you are getting along well." Your father speaks up for the first time during your dinner and to no surprise, it's involving mentions of your 'future' marriage partner.

"Barely..." You mumble under your breath, just loud enough for them to be able to hear, but low enough that they were unable to tell it was intentional.

You needed a reason to be able to leave, since they would never allow you to go to your room when you wanted to. On many occasions, you remember how whenever you argued or became upset, they would just let you to leave so they would't have to acknowledge the needed confrontation.

"Why can't you just be kind to him? He has done nothing but treat you right and you have hardly said one word to him." Your mother places her cutlery down and glares at you, as if you were someone she had become enemies with.

Just one more day.

"Me and all the other women he has been trying to court. I'm going to bed, I'm not hungry anymore." You retort back, standing up and storming your way out of the room. As expected, they don't follow you or say a word.

Quickly, you walk back to your room to see Julia already waiting inside for you, "We have to move fast. We have enough time but I'd rather we get in and out so we don't get caught, if all goes well, you could get out tonight." Julia grins with mixed emotion; ecstatic you're finally getting what you deserve, upset that she'll likely never see you again.

"I don't think I could ever thank you enough, I love you, Julia." You want to give her another tight hug, but there is not enough time in the day. Instead, she pulls you along to take you to the sacred basement floor.

Your heart thumps harshly in your chest as you stand in front of the door. Julia pushes it open slowly to avoid loud creaks and squeaks.

As slow as you can, you walk down the stone stairs that lead down to the basement. It is barely lit, just bright enough to be able to see where you are placing your feet on the stairs. Eventually, you reach a dingy room that is filled with miscellaneous items.

"I... don't see a door anywhere." Your eyebrows furrow as you walk around the room, squinting through the darkness in order to try and find this supposed door. In fact, you don't think you can see any other way out of the basement apart from the door you had entered from.

"It's hidden for a reason, look here." Julia remarks, you turn around to look at where she is standing. She taps her foot onto a particular area of the floor, which appears to sound more hollow than the rest of it.

The floor isn't easy to see, so you get onto your knees in order to touch around, feeling how the stone flooring feels like wood instead. With a large grin, you stand up and hug Julia one last time.

"You go back to your room now so that they don't see you down here, I can think of an excuse for myself if anything happens. It's already unlocked and goes straight out." She pulls back, her hand resting on your cheek, "If this is the last I see of you, I appreciate everything you've done for me. You're my closest friend and I hope I'll get to see you again in the future, much happier than you are now."

When your eyes begin to fill with water, you make your way back up the stairs and towards your bedroom and attempting to look as innocent as possible. Patiently, you watch the hours on the clock go by.

You begin to feel like the moment isn't real; not when it reaches 3AM and your hands are shaking against your door handle. The large door feels more intimidating than usual, as if it had started to grow along with your draining anxiety throughout the waiting process.

Hastily, you move through the many corridors without giving another thought because you may just second guess yourself and decide this was not your smartest idea.

As Julia has reassured you, you didn't bump into any of the royal guards — you realise they aren't the greatest, since they appeared to be nowhere in sight. You likely could have done this months ago when you began considering the idea.

This is the quietest you had ever heard the expanse of the castle to be, if it had been this way all the time, you would have liked it more. Instead, you were stuck with the family talking your ears off every second like nails on a chalk board.

You reach the basement, feeling around on the floor until you find the door again. A proud smile appears on your face when you feel the handle, though as you're pulling it up, someone or something on the other side seems to be opening it too.

"Huh?" You gasp out, almost flinging backwards when the door opens at lightening speed, revealing a very familiar face, "It's you!"

You remember him perfectly, his face was hard to forget. Opposed to his clean appearance when you had seen him at the ball, he looks muckier and he definitely wasn't wearing royal attire this time.

"Who the hell are you?" His expression displays confusion and his voice is almost aggressive, as if he isn't the one coming in from the outside; despite the tone, the thick accent that is diversely different from your own sticks out to you clearly. No one in the area sounded as he did.

"Me? Why on earth are you sneaking into the castle? Do you have a death wish?" You whisper-shout at him, mirroring his distress towards you. He doesn't respond, looking just as baffled as you are, "How long have you been doing this for? God, the security here is dreadful."

Suspecting you had been too loud because the man before you interrupted the original plan, as you had likely done to him, the sound of feet thundering above you caused your stomach to drop and your body to freeze up.

"Shit, shit, shit!" His eyes widen and he examines the room, biting his bottom lip when he can't think of anything. He sighs and puts his attention back on you, "Whatever you're doing, make your decision now or you're dead meat. You're lucky I'm in a good mood today."

He holds his hand out towards you, urging you to take it so he can help you down into the pathways below you. After a mere thought of going back and the sound of banging on the basement door, you close your eyes and take his hand into yours.

The path becomes a blur the faster he pulls you through, but you feel a weight lift of your shoulders the further you are away from that door. Finally, you feel the cold breeze of the outside, a simple experience that you had not truly felt in many months.

You don't think you could explain to another human how incredible you felt in the moment, and with the adrenaline pumping through your body you couldn't feel any better.

Eventually, your running comes to a halt when you're dragged into a run-down cottage hidden behind moss, grown out leaves and grass. It's nothing, minuscule, compared to your old home, but you like it.

Funnily, you had almost forgotten about the man who had saved your skin, now panting with his hands on his knees. He stands straight after a minute or so, looking you in your eyes that are as wide as a deers in front of headlights.

"This, uh, this isn't where I live. I just come here when I finish up my business, which you impolitely interrupted. You want to tell me what you were doing? You seemed pretty desperate to get out of there." He walks over to a desk next to the bed, which was on the verge of falling apart, and pulls out a handkerchief from the open draw.

Even though his own face was covered in dirt and sweat, he makes his way over to you and dabs away at whatever had made its way onto yours. Then, he shoves it into his back pocket before stepping back from you.

"I'd much rather know your name first. You know, you don't make yourself appear very trustworthy being so sneaky." You fold your arms over each other, giving him an accusatory look. In return, he just laughs and you look away so you wouldn't feel hypnotised by his smile.

"You're very feisty. I'm Jake, Jaeyun, whatever you want to call me. Now, you." Now knowing his name, you think that it fits him flawlessly; you wouldn't attach any other name to his pretty face.  There is a chair next to the desk which he pulls out to take a seat on, pointing his hand out towards the bed.

You noticed he had a habit of using gestures instead of his words.

"Well Jake, it's nice to meet you." The bed isn't comfy at all, but you know you should appreciate there is even one in front of you in the first place, "I needed to leave, my parents didn't really put me in the best situation, so I took it upon myself to get out of it before it was too late."

"Well, shit. You're the princess aren't you? You're worth a lot of money, you know." When you don't laugh, eyes somehow becoming even wider than they were previously, he shakes his head while he stands to place a hand on your shoulder, "I'm joking, don't look so terrified. The bed won't be up to your standards, but you're free to sleep and we'll figure something out for you in the morning."

"What about you? Mustn't you sleep?" You question, you still feel uncomfortable sitting on the bed, not wanting to attempt to sleep while he is wide awake near you. Not that you didn't trust him, but it only made you feel more awkward.

"I'll be okay. Don't worry, I'm not going to chuck you out while you're sleeping, you can breathe. And don't be so tense, you can trust me, princess." He grins at you, the light from the lantern made him look ethereal, though your heart still beats fast with conflicted feelings.

The conversation ends there, he turns the chair around the face the desk which was opposite the bed. You aren't sure what he is doing, but you feel better with him looking away. Hesitatingly, you find yourself falling into a light sleep, being awoken by the slightest noise.

You don't sleep very well that night.

The pain in your back is hard to ignore, you aren't so used to having such a springy and old bed. For a second, you expect to see Julia opening up the door to your chamber, but you are instead met with Jake walking back through the rusty door.

"Good morning, princess. I brought you some new clothing back, I imagine that cute nightgown of yours isn't so comfortable for the day." Jake holds up some clothing, what your parents would refer to as 'peasant attire'. You can feel your cheeks heat up since you had forgotten you had left wearing your nightgown in a rush.

"Thank you... for the- for the fresh clothing. I appreciate your kindness." Happily, you take the clothing from his hands. They're warm, as if they had been laid in front of a fireplace for a few hours. The new feeling of warmth after having to be used to the cruel, cold cottage brings you joy.

"No worries, sweetheart. I have a proposition for you when you're ready." You reply silently to him, with a nod of the head, then leave to go into what appears to be a bathroom.

In the mirror, you see what the last day had done to you. There's only specs of dirt left on your face, you imagine it had been significantly worse before Jake had cleared it away. Bags under your eyes show clear, causing you to let out a long sigh.

Having to get used to no longer being pampered and cared for anymore was looking harder than you anticipated. You had barely considered the cons of your actions. After a few moments of processing the past day and making yourself appear more presentable, you leave the bathroom to see Jake waiting for you, reading a book.

"I can take you somewhere that's alot safer than here. It's probably not what you want at the moment, but it's probably the best you're going to get for now." Jake places the book down and diverts his eyes to you. His eyes rack over your body, not in a sexual manner, just to examine the fitting of the clothing.

"Could you tell me what you meant by 'business'? I haven't associated myself with those people for a long time, so I won't get you into any trouble. I don't mean to intrude, but you practically know my story." Anxiously, your hands clasp in front of you and you can't bring yourself to look at him in the eyes yet.

"Well, I guess I'll trust you. Me and my family aren't very well off, if you couldn't tell. It's not east to get jobs, and even the boys who do have jobs barely get a penny." He sighs, you begin to feel bad for asking, "Surprisingly, assigned waiters and waitresses get paid enough for us to afford what we need and I'm nimble enough to get in there and fake the job. I wouldn't have done it without Julia."

Your brain short-circuits and your head shoots up to look at Jake. Confused, he looks between you and the wall at the sudden change in body language, waiting for you to speak.

"Julia? You know Julia? We were close and she never mentioned you, she even acted like she didn't know you when I asked. Did she not trust me?" Your eyebrows furrow as you start to question yourself, and everything that you had experienced.

Jake only grins at your concern and shakes his head in disagreement.

"She was always so cautious, I did tell her not to bring this up, I'm sure she was worried of others listening. She helped me- alot. Wouldn't have done any of this without her.” He reassures you, the two of you decide to end this particular conversation there.

Thinking back to his proposition, you collect whatever you have left of your belongings and place them into a straw bag which had been placed next to the bed. Jake nods towards the door with a barely noticeable smile.

The door opens and you wince at the sun burning into your eyes. It radiates through your skin when you take your first step outside. Your hands grip harder onto the bag as you follow behind Jake to your next stop in your journey.

Neither of you take it upon yourself to start conversations. You don't have a problem with him and he has no issues with you, but it's obvious that there was a silent agreement that you would try and help each other and part ways.

At least that was how you had taken the last few hours. This was a new, blooming path for you, and you couldn't allow anyone to hold you back. No matter how much you may start to enjoy Jake's company, he had a family he cared deeply for and you had places you wanted to go.

After an hour or two, stopping off for the occasional rest, you encounter another cottage. Larger than the last, and taken care of. Flowers grow all around in bright colours, the brick the cottage is made out of being painted a gorgeous beige and darkened smoke peering out of the chimney.

After being at awe at how beautiful you found the cottage to be, you then see two younger boys tending to a garden filled with various fruits and vegetables. They look up, confused by your presence, but their faces light up once they see Jake.

"Jae, You're back! We were starting to get a little worried about you." They both come running towards Jake, diving into his arms as he hugs them closely to his body. You can't help but smile at the love for each other that beams from them — you almost begin to feel jealous.

"I have a come back rate of 100%, I'm invincible at this point, Won." Jake places light kisses on the top of their heads, and then their attention lands on the elephant in the room, you, "Yeah, uh, this is a recent friend of mine."

Once you give your name to his brothers, they seem to put the puzzle pieces together. The taller ones jaw drops while the other's eyebrows fall into anger.

"Sim Jaeyun what the hell have you gotten yourself into! Heeseung is going to be furious!"

Heeseung was in fact furious.

The eldest had spent about twenty minutes stalking around the cottage's main room rebuking Jake for doing something so impulsive, like allowing the runaway princess to take refuge in their home without speaking with the rest of them.

You almost stood up to leave them alone due to feeling rude and awkward, but Jake and his brother’s Jongseong and Riki were adamant on letting you stay since you had nowhere else to go. Somehow, they convinced the rest of them.

Over the month you had been living with the seven boys, something in your mind had switched. In such a short amount of time, all of them had become prominent figures in your life and it felt like you had been there forever.

One thing that you couldn't push through was the different between how you felt about Jake compared to the rest of his brothers. The touches between you both always lingered longer and you would always notice the way he would watch you while Jungwon taught you how to correctly tend to the garden.

It was a quiet day, most of the boys were tired and taking the hours to rest, most of them sleeping apart from Sunoo who silently read a book at the dining table, and you who had been sowing away to a shirt Sunghoon had accidentally ripped.

The constant silence, apart from the sound of pages turning and the fire crackling, was broken by a loud yawn as Jake opens his bedroom door. Sunoo doesn't spare him a glance, but you look up from your needle and thread to give the man a sweet smile.

"Good morning- well, afternoon, princess." He beams, making his way over to you. Both of his hands lay on either side of your shoulders and it takes everything in you not to tense up at the sudden touch.

"What did I say about calling me princess, Jaeyun?" You murmur, still trying to concentrate on the shirt in front of you. Jake's head is now placed upon yours, and you wonder if he's trying to or is blissfully unaware that he's flustering you to the highest degree.

"That I should stop calling you princess- but it suits you so well! And I think you should keep calling me Jaeyun, I like it." He replies, you roll your eyes and give up with your task. Jake moves away from you, so you turn around in your chair to face him.

"I'll think about it." You smirk at him, he opts to sit next to you and lay his head onto the table as if he had still been tired, "I thought you would be sleeping all day."

"Well... I was wondering if you wanted to take a ride in our sailing boat. I could teach you how to use it. It's too warm for me to sleep." He responds, his head being hidden in his arms consequently leaves you unable to see the pink shade that spreads across his cheeks.

"That would be nice, I've always wanted go ride in a boat- my parents never let me do anything." Finishing up, you finally stand from the chair to stretch your legs, cracking your fingers due to the ache in them.

"You can do anything that you want now. They'll always be looking for you, but we can get you far enough that they won't be able to find you." Jake purses his lips, looking away from you before continuing, "Though you’re always welcome to stay here."

"You know that I can't." You hadn't meant to sound so cold.

Jake becomes more and more despondent every time you reject his offer of staying with him. The others boys had grown fond of you, just as he had, you were safe and free from the sickening hold of your biological family.

Alas, you wanted excitement over tranquility.

The lake behind the house could have been the most perfect sight. Somehow, the water had stayed as clean as it could be, you could see the bottom of the shallow areas. What you liked the most was the natural decoration of trees and flowers, moments like this could convince you to stay.

As expected, the boat is still attached to the pier. It was rare they ever used it, often just fishing from the pier itself, but the warm day warranted a little change.

You and Jake walk side by side in a comfortable silence, something the two of you had grew to enjoy. Over years, you had gotten used to constantly being surrounded by noise that the serenity of the cottage on rest days felt strange — you never got rest days.

At first, any kind of silence was uncomfortable, though you hardly realised it had become pleasant.

Jake gets into the boat, holding out his hand to carefully help you in. He leans over to reach for the oars, and you take a seat across from him, "How am I supposed to teach you from all the way over there?"

"Where else am I supposed to go?" You raise an eyebrow at him. He shows off a flirtatious smirk and pats the little area that is left in front of him.

Jake did a brilliant job at making you frantic; you'd never experienced a relationship such as this, apart from Beomgyu, who you would rather never hear of again.

Slowly, you take your seat in front of him, back pressed snugly against his warm chest.

"Hold tight, I'll hold my hands over yours and show you how to do it properly." The two of you seem to be holding hands a lot lately. He tries to hold your hands as daintily as he could to ensure his tight grip wouldn't hurt you, and begins to row, "You're a natural."

"I guess I'm simply just good at everything." You joke, and you finally let the stiffness in your body go, moving with your thoughts to distract yourself, "I wonder how Julia is doing... I feel awful for having to leave her."

You had worried for Julia every single day. There had been no news, at least not that the boys had heard of yet; by now, you expected a large-scale search where guards and soldier would be loitering around every corner, but not one had been seen in the area. You wondered if she was safe.

"You had no choice. I'll always wish her the best, she really did everything she could for me, for us. We had a real hard time last year." He replies, staring off into the distance as he continues to row the boat, you're barely putting in any effort.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened? Whenever it seems to come in to conversation, everyone gets quiet and moves on." You ask, almost hesitantly.

Parts of you disliked that you allowed your curiosity to get the best of you. It wasn't your business, and a topic they had been evading conversation about since it happened. Though you cared about them, and want to take care of them.

"We were really struggling, the worst it had been. It was like everything that could go wrong, was going wrong. We had no food and we were freezing. There was a lot of pressure on all of us, and I guess Hoon just couldn't take it anymore. I had to jump in to pull him out of the water and I can still remember how hard he had sobbed in my arms."

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry. None of you deserved that kind of life, you're all so loving and kind. I'm glad you all had each other, I can't imagine what you've been through." At some point, you had moved to turn your body around to face him. You had never been so close to his face before, yet it felt so familiar.

"Without Julia I'm not sure we'd still be here, so fucking up the system was our best choice. I guess I would never have met you either if I never went through with it- and I sure would have regretted that." He grins, and you can't help but return it.

"All of you are so strong, you're amazing, Jaeyun." You remind him, and hope this will be something he and his brothers will always know.

There are continuous shifts in the air whenever you are left together, as if every moment brings you so much closer, but formed a theory that there wasn't a moment where you hadn't known Jake Sim, like he was everlasting in your life.

It’s cut short when Riki comes running down from the cottage, almost tripping over his own feet. His face isn't entirely visible from the length away, but your stomach drops as you sense something is wrong. Just minutes ago, he was fast asleep.

As fast as possible, Jake rows himself back to the pier where Riki is stood, taking deep breaths. He appears bothered by something, and his concerned attention seems to be on you the whole time.

"You guys- you're going to end up in big trouble. Jesus, some guards just turned up at the door, pretty much just as you reached the pier. They didn't recognise you from so far away, we told them that you were going far out and couldn't come back, but they said they'll come back later to talk to you."

You are so, so scared; you can feel your body begin to shake as what you had been anticipating finally happens. It had been so long, that you had started to consider the idea that they swiftly moved on from you. Unfortunately, it could never be so easy.

It didn't take long for you to start sobbing, the original feeling of shock and fear subsiding into anxiety and sadness. Jay has you wrapped in his arms as you shake, everyone has seated themselves down apart from Jake, who aggressively wanders around the room.

"Jaeyun, stand still. You're just making her feel even worse shuffling around the room like that." Heeseung glares at his younger brother, standing up from his seat to walk towards him.

"Yeah? Well what else am I supposed to do? I don't know what the fuck to do!" Jake shouts, not so loud, yet it still makes you jump enough that Jay holds you ever so slightly tighter. Looking over, Jake and Heeseung are standing face to face.

"Stop shouting at me and get your goddamn act together, she needs us, she needs you. You want to help her? Then we need to talk and figure out where we go from here." Heeseung snarls at Jake, who lets out a frustrated groan and nods his head.

This was the first time you had seen them truly upset with each other. It's due to one of your own problems too, which makes you feel entirely responsible even if you hadn't intended to.

"I have to leave."

All of their eyes divert to your direction, even Jay draws back from you a little. They all share the same expression, one you can't quite read in detail, but they are shocked by your statement.

"What? No, no, where on earth would you go? We can figure this out. Don't go until you're ready to move on." Sunghoon states, his thick eyebrows beginning to furrow in concern.

"If I'm not gone by the time they get back, I'm not sure what they would do to you all if they knew I was here. I could never put you all at risky like that- and I would dread to think about the things they would do to me too."

"Are you sure?" Jungwon mumbles begrudgingly, frowning at the thought of you leaving them all. He had grown closest to you, other than Jake, and even though he would never admit it to anyone, he had grown rather attached to your presence.

Simply, you nod your head and hold your bottom lip between your teeth to attempt to avoid any more tears. Sunghoon was right to make a comment on you being ready, because you were far from so.

"I'll come with you." Jake's voice causes you to look at him again, eyes wide and lost. He appears so sure of himself, "I'll get you somewhere far enough that's safe. I can't stay with you, but I can offer as much help as possible. None of us want you out alone."

After a serious talk, heartbreaking goodbyes and reassurance that you will always have a place to be, you and Jake are on your way. He reminds you of another cottage not so long away that the two of you can stop at for the night, similarly to when you had first met.

Jake had been carrying a leather, worn-down rucksack that was filled with miscellaneous items that would keep you going and had been profusely refusing your offers to carry it for a little to give him a break.

There's a constant guilt riding through your body with every moment, and Jake is able to tell, he seems to know you well enough now. He spends his time telling you stories of his youth, his current years, his brothers; beautiful moments to tell you that this is momentary, and all will be well soon enough.

An hour or two walk leads you to the cottage, and it's far from pretty. In fact, you think some of the roof is missing and some of the windows are smashed up. Not the ideal place to stay, but it'll work for now.

"Here, take this, you're freezing." He offers up his jacket, more so forcing it into your hands. He's cold too, but he'd rather be the one to get sick.

"Why are there so many abandoned cottages around here? It's such a waste..." You question after sitting down at a wooden desk chair, your legs recovering from the long walk.

"People like to move around, they'll just up and leave, go to the next town or whatever it is they're doing. Their old homes just get forgotten about, I guess." He shrugs, he's used to them being around, while you were thinking about how lovely it would be to renovate.

It wasn't difficult for you to fall asleep, so exhausted that all it took was closing your eyes.

You never had nightmares; not until tonight.

Everyone you had come to know was there, complaining about how you were an awful friend, daughter, partner, princess. Hearing sharp words from your family was something you had become desensitised to, but Julia and Jake broke your heart.

Jake sees you shuffling in your sleep, making small noises, a concerned expression across your face. He pouts from where he sits, gathering that you were having a bad dream.

Quietly, he makes his way over to you and sits on the opposite side of the bed. He finds himself studying your sleepy face, you were always bright and ignoring a few minor occasions, he never really saw you upset.

He leans forward and pushes a strand of hair behind your ear, he ponders whether he should wake you up, but you're faster than him, shooting up as you frantically look around the room.

"Hey, woah! Breathe princess, you're okay, you're safe." Jake speaks so softly that the tension in your body dissipates immediately, your hand wraps around his for additional comfort and you look him in the eyes.

It feels right.

Jake's free hand moved upwards to rest on your cheek, you nuzzle into his hand happily and close your eyes. A few seconds pass, you decide to look back at Jake, who you hope is feeling just as you do.

When his thumb faintly rubs against your bottom lip, it was as if the subconscious block that had been holding you back snaps. Neither of you are sure who leaned in first, but it didn't matter.

His lips slot perfectly on yours; just like his hands, his arms, every fibre of his being. You feel slightly hesitant due to your lack in experience, though the softness of how Jake holds you tells you everything will be just fine.

He caresses your waist line as his tongue slips into your mouth, and you're sure you could kiss Jake's lips forever. In comparison, you’re gripping onto Jake for dear life, taking an awfully deep breath when you part from each other.

“I’m always going to keep you safe, you and the boys, you are my life. I’ll protect you even if it kills me.” He whispers against your lips, and a stray tear slips down your cheek as you both stay with each other, forgetting about your problems just for a moment.

You hadn't been to another town before since you were a small child, being isolated away from others for such a long time. It's so lively and full of happy people, it makes you think about how quiet it had been at your old home as everyone in town had generally kept to themselves.

"Anywhere you want to go?" Jake asks, his hand still gripping yours tightly. Neither of you decided to mention the previous night, but you both have refused to let go of each other since you fell asleep, and Jake was feeling nauseated at the thought of you getting lost.

You had to admit to being anxious; there was always the chance that someone would recognise you even if they hadn't seen you since you were much younger. Not everyone was a good person, you would end up back at square one.

"I think I'd like to go to the lake, the old lady in the bakery really sold it for me." You hold up the bag that was filled with bread and sweet treats (you had to convince Jake not to steal any of them because the lady was so kind and you had enough money), "It's getting a little late, so I wouldn't mind going to the lake for a little while and then going to the inn."

The sky is filled with vibrant variations of pinks, oranges and yellows as the sun begins to set. It shines beautifully onto the lake as you and Jake walk along the path, content as you both munch on bread and laugh with each other.

Time passes so fast that you don't even realise how long you have been wandering around for, the dark skies soon tiring you out. Your eyes feel heavy, so you suggest going to the inn.

"You are a lovely couple, how long have you been together?" The woman behind the counter asks, grinning at your closeness as she takes the money from Jake's hands.

"Our whole lives, miss." Jake says, as if it has been a normal everyday saying. Of course, you become embarrassed and hide behind Jake's arm and the elderly woman coos at you as she passes along the key.

The air feels strange once you and Jake are laid in the bed together. Even though you are so far apart from one another, it's like the heat of his body is still reflecting onto yours. Whatever you feel in your body, you know it is unfamiliar to you.

You bite your bottom lip in hesitance. Taking a deep breath, you turn around to face Jake. To your surprise, he had already been facing you with his eyes open, watching you.

"You can't sleep either?" He asks, his voice becoming raspy from the lack of speaking. Even though the room is so dark, he manages to look just as gorgeous as usual, even with such tired eyes.

"I'm thinking." You reply quietly, Jake nudges further so that he is closer to you.

"What are you thinking about?" He takes his hand, moving a stray hair behind your ear, hand now resting softly on your cheek.

When you don't answer, Jake's hand is quick to travel to the back of your head as he slams his own lips against yours. Your own hand makes its way into his hair, tugging lightly as your body shakes in anticipation when he lets out a low groan against you.

You clamber onto his lap, wanting to feel as close to him as was humanly possible. The emotions and hormones running through your body became so overwhelming that you could only let out whiny whimpers on his mouth.

His hand moves between your thighs, playing with your little clit in excitement, allowing you to grind against his veiny hand. He messes with you through your underwear, soon moving it to the side with a long groan. A long string of saliva links the two of you, Jake's jaw dropping as he looks at you.

"Didn't take you long to get so wet, you wanted me for that long, honey?" His voice drops octaves, his irises filled with a concept you could hardly comprehend; but you have never felt so much pleasure, "Can't believe I waited this long to see how pretty you look withering on top of me."

"Jake!" You grip at his arm, nails practically digging into his skin, hips moving faster and faster as you feel the intense butterflies in your stomach. Tears brim your eyes as you experience the new feeling, almost bursting as your slick covers Jake's hand.

He can barely take in the situation himself. He's hardly done anything and your eyes are already welling up and he just knows drool is going to start dripping from your swollen lips soon enough. Jake pulls his fingers out of you and licks them clean.

"Off, too hot. Yours too." You start to pull at Jake's shirt, he rips your nightgown from your body, leaving you with the thin material of your underwear. Before you could think, his arm wrapped around your back to pull you into him, taking your left breast into his mouth.

His other hand reaches to wrap perfectly around the other, harshly nipping to get a squeal out of you, he slots himself comfortably between your legs, pressing you against his hardening cock. The man underneath you bites his lip hard, lifting up his hips into your core.

"Fuck, fuck baby, just like that." His eyes and hands are still concentrated on your chest, completely hypnotised by their feel and appearance. Jake is absolutely enamoured, and you're already cock-drunk before he's even gotten inside of you.

But it still just isn't enough.

When you lift yourself up and reach down to palm his length through his pants, Jake is sure his eyes roll to the back of his head. He could feel

the fire emits from you, from inside you, from every touch you gifted to his body. You're so desperate, and he's ready to give you anything you desire.

"Can I..." You whimper out, reaching over to the low waistband of his pants. Looking at your face, Jake doesn't want to rip his eyes away. Your own eyes are blown out and your pretty skin is begin to sweat, your hair managing to fall flawlessly in place like you weren't jumping his bones.

"You can do anything you want to me, baby. I'm all yours." He whispers into your ear, nibbling slightly at the lobe. Swiftly, you finally pull at his pants and he lifts up so that you can remove them completely.

It stands tall, wet and red, you can't help but wrap your hands around it. However, not wanting to make a mistake, you give him your best doe eyes to ask for help.

"It's okay, princess. Just move your hand up and down, just like that- fuck." You move your hand up and down slowly, keeping eye contact with Jake, whose eyes are beginning to close from the building pleasure, "Such a good girl f’me.”

Suddenly, you're sliding yourself down his body, your face against his chest as your back arches deliciously. Your tongue lands directly on the slit of his tip, Jake moans loudly and grips onto your hair.

He tried his best not to buck his hips upwards, though he gets even more turned on at your inherent skill to take him in your mouth with ease, the tiny tears in your eyes only make him even more feral.

Your smaller hands are moving nicely on his cock along with your gummy mouth and just the sight of you has him on the edge; a lethal combination. Not wanting to let go just yet, he gently lifts you from him with a dazed smile at your sudden concerned face.

"It's okay, baby- you're doing so, so well for me. Just want us to be able to cum at the same time, hm?" He's quick to model you into the position he wants, you on your back facing him, legs over his shoulders so he can see your fucked out, cute face, “Tell me when you want me to move, okay?”

Then, he pushes himself into you.

You expected it to sting at first, your nails digging and scratching against Jake who just takes it. He waits, albeit the ache he feels in his stomach, until you give him the green light to start moving.

"Go, please." You squeak out, and he does as his lady requests. Still hurting ever so slightly, but with every move comes a larger wave of pleasure. He's almost sure he'll have to slap a hand over your mouth or kiss you so you don't get kicked out, "Oh my god!"

"So fucking tight. My pretty girl, all this for me." Jake stutters out against your neck, sucking at it while your hand rummage around his body, his hair, dragging your nails against his back as he ravages you.

Embarrassment fills you as Jake examines your face and body below him. You try to turn your head, but he immediately raises his hand to grab you by the chin and force you to look back, then his hand makes its way right around your throat in a light choke, "Look at me, honey."

It’s such an intimate moment, both of you finally together as one, only seeing each other and nothing else in the world. He’s holding your cheek while his other hand wraps around your throat and you’re all other the place.

You reach your peak, convulsing so hard and desperate. Jake’s eyebrows furrow harder, hips faltering as he climaxes too, you feel the spurts fill you to the brim, close to bringing another orgasm out of you.

Ears ringing, he lies on top of you though trying his best not to put all of his weight down on your current fragile body. He strokes the top of your head, and you ask him to stay inside of you until you fall asleep.

The alarm of the bright sun shining through the sheer white curtains has you waking up as soon as it hits your skin. You grab the sheets and hike them up your body, still naked after immediately passing out last night. However, it seems like Jake had cleaned you up before you awoke, no longer covered in sweat and cum.

Eyes closing again, you turn your body around and feel onto the other side of the bed for your lover, but only gripping onto empty sheets. You furrow your eyebrows and pout your lips, sitting up and looking around the room.

There is light sparkling from the gap under the bathroom door, you make the assumption he mist be in there, "Jaeyun? Are you in the bathroom?"

After a second or two, the door opens and there stands a half naked Jake, his lean torso and shoulders on full display for you. He grins as his eyes scan down your bare body, spending significantly more time on your tits.

"Now what a lovely sight this is first thing in the morning." He laughs, pressing soft kisses along the dark splotches on your neck. You roll your eyes with a smile, pushing him away a little so you could pick up your day clothing to get changed, "You could just stay like that for a few more hours, I'm not complaining."

"You're suddenly so perverted, have you been hiding this from me the whole time?" You ask jokingly, leaning against the doorway in all your naked glory. He looks at you like he has never seen anything as perfect, how he just can’t look away from you; the glint in them somehow tells you that it isn’t just lust in his eyes.

He doesn’t answer, shaking his head with a bite of his lip. Closing the bathroom door, you look at yourself in the mirror while you change, noticing the new glow in your skin — you’re sure there is a myriad of reasons why.

There’s a knock on the door to the room. strange, you think, but you imagine it may be someone complaining about the loud noises and squeaks throughout the night, so you finish putting your shirt on.

As your hand lands on the handle, Jake shouts.

“Get your fucking hands off me! She isn’t in here you, assholes! Who the fuck do you think you are?!” He’s angry at whoever was at the door, the mention of a she makes you shake and back away from the door.

You search for a window, anywhere that could get you out — but the thought of leaving Jake out there broke your heart and you would rather get hurt helping him than leaving all alone.

Before you can even come down to a decision between your two options, the bathroom door bursts open, wooden panels and metal flying around the room. You could recognise the clanky soldier attire of your family anywhere, them staring you down with violent glares.

Having nowhere to go, Jake nowhere in sight, your only option is to follow their instructions.

Standing before your parents, hands handcuffed behind your back, may have been the strangest occurrence you had the glory of experiencing in your life. Their angry faces dawned on you that you had royally fucked up and should have thought about being more sneaky instead of trying to live out your romance dreams.

"You are a disgrace to this family." Your mother spits at you, staring right into your eyes with pure disgust, no remorse for what she had done to you your whole life.

"I'm the disgrace? You tried to force your only daughter into a whole marriage with a man she couldn't stand to be around. You never cared about me, I'm only here to carry on your shitty legacy." You watch as your father's lips press into a thin line at your words, his hands rub at the bridge of his nose.

"You're completely delusional. The marriage will go on and that awful man you had stuck yourself to will be hanged for his crimes." His words are like poison venom, your knees bucking in shock.

Jake would be hanged because you had feelings for him, those were the crimes in your family's mind; their biggest fear as they locked you into a marriage destined to be because it was uncontaminated by a non-royal.

"What- no, no, no! Please, please let him go. I'll marry Beomgyu, I'll do anything, just please don't hurt him. He has a family, he did nothing wrong." You beg hard, almost wanting to drop to your knees with praying hands so they would listen to your requests just this singular time.

"We can't let a man of his kind go, they'll simply have to suffer." She dusts off her hands, standing up from her undeserved throne, "Don't think we forgot about how Julia betrayed us too."

"You're all fucking sick, you're sick in the head!" You scream at the top of your lungs, throat burning and your vision becoming unclear as you are dragged away back to your bedroom.

You spend your next few days with puffy eyes, overthinking every moment. It had been the day of your marriage, a day that you would remember forever but for the wrong reasons. Julia and Jake had still been alive since your torturous parents thought it would be a splendid idea for them to watch.

"You look gorgeous, I'm sorry that this day is not going as you desire, I wish this could be much different." Julia's mother had been the woman to adjust your dress. It was easy to see the sadness and distress in her eyes and you could barely imagine how she must be feeling in the moment.

"Thank you. I'm sorry about Julia." You wince as she tightens the corset.

"There isn't much I can do about that anymore. I tried my best, and it only seemed to make things worse." She comes around to your front, smiling so bittersweetly that it hurts you.

No matter how beautiful the reception is, it just appears revolting to you. Especially when you see Beomgyu waiting at the alter for you, everyone smiling at you like you should be happy and Jake and Julia sat right at the front, handcuffed up with guards on either side of them.

Your father holds on to your arm as you walk down the aisle and it makes you want to throw up on the expensive carpet. When you reach the front, you're practically pushed into Beomgyu's arms and the audience, since it's for show, laughs.

You look at Jake and Julia, them both sharing the same facial expression as you had. Seeing Jake in this light broke your heart and if you weren't in such an awful predicament, you would have ran to him.

"Any objections?" The priests asks before he begins and you have to peel your eyes away from Jake who looks like he hasn't slept in days and is on the verge of tears.

"I object!" Everyone's head turns in awe at the disturbance. You have to rub your eyes to make sure you're seeing things correctly because Riki is standing up on top of one of the further back pews, "I think this place has some decoration."

A sizzling sound is heard from the corner of the building; then the whole left side releases a large explosion that causes the building to begin to fall. With no thought, you start to run towards the exit, alerting Jake and Julia to join you, ripping your dress in the process.

Beomgyu latches onto your arm.

"Let go of me. They’re all I have left." You attempt to say sternly, but your voice trembles as you look between him and the exit. This was your last chance and he was trying to take it away from you. You’re struggling to drag yourself away from him- but he just releases you and turns to leave himself.

Jake, Julia and Riki, even Jay who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, follow suit.

"What the fuck! Where the hell did you get explosives from you psychos!" Jake shouts with an energetic laugh, still running with his hands cuffed — you would have to figure out how to get him out of those once you were all safe.

"I don't know! Sunghoon said he knew some people!" Jay responds, chuckling back at his brother.

You're back at your real home in no time, but you know you'll have to do something about the corrupted royals at some point in time. They could have easily recognised Riki and come back for a less peaceful visit.

"How did you know what was happening?" Julia interrogates the boys, rubbing her wrists to relieve them of the pain from being locked in cuffs for so long.

"They have a weird habit of releasing all information to the public. Heeseung had a feeling that something was wrong and made a visit, luckily was the same day they announced you and had Jake hostage.” Sunoo shrugs, “Sunghoon came back with explosives and still won’t tell us where he got them from.”

"Well, what do we do now?" Jake asks, his arms still holding you protectively. Everyone stays silent, but you know you’ll figure it out together.

Years pass and they never bother you again and you would all laugh that Sunghoon’s mystery explosives must have really made them jump.

Most of the boys had moved on with their lives; Jake found Heeseung and Julia making out in the kitchen one day after a hidden relationship, then the two of them moved out into a new town a little while later to start a family. Jay and Sunghoon found well-paying jobs on travels and would come to visit every moment they could.

The three younger boys stayed back, while you and Jake built up the cottage where you revealed your love for one another to live your own lives.

You smile widely as you examine your growing belly with the new life growing inside of it, Jake watches you lovingly from his desk chair where he writes up his notes for work.

His baby, his pretty girl; you who once stood as royalty lived a simply happy life and Jake finding what he was looking for in the end.

I’d say that deserves a happily ever after.

taglist ; @slutforsjy @jaklvbub @whiskrv @mixtapejimin @zyvlxqht @saintriots @yohanabanana @jentlecoeur @belowbun @meujaeyun @capri-cuntz @greyminyoon1 @river-demon-slayer

[alotofpockets]

From dreams to diapers | Alessia Russo

Pairing: Alessia Russo x Arsenal!Reader & Lotte Wubben-Moy x Best Friend!Reader

Prompts: "Twins? We're having twins?" & "You're great with kids."

Warnings: Pregnant Alessia, morning sickness, and a whole lot of fluff :)

Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 2.3k

You had met Alessia when the both of you made the squad at UNC. You found comfort in being surrounded by a piece of home in both her and your other teammate Lotte, the three of you being the only girls in the squad that were from the UK. The connection with both girls was great, over time Alessia had become your girlfriend, and Lotte your best friend. 

The three of you made it to the England U15 squad together, and continued to grow up together moving up all the way to the seniors team. While you all played together for country, you had signed with different clubs in the UK. Lotte was the first that signed with Arsenal, you followed a few years later, and Alessia had signed for the club last year. Playing for the same club, and all living in the same city was such a great feeling.

Ever since you started dating Alessia, the two of you had talked about wanting children together in the future. Alessia made the move to Arsenal, when the talk of starting a family started to get more real. Sure, it had always been real but now you both felt like you were ready to actually start a family. The talking started to be less about the general idea, and more about the practical side.

After many consults, and conversations between the two of you, you had decided that Alessia would carry. The striker was more than happy to put her career on hold to get your little family started. You had started the process of getting pregnant a few months ago now, a box of pregnancy tests always present in the house. So far you had only gotten negative results, you both knew it wasn't likely for her to get pregnant right away, so you patiently waited for the day that a test would show a positive result.

A couple weeks later, you wake up to Alessia running to the bathroom. You quickly follow her, and hold her hair up as she’s leaned over the toilet, your hands rub soothing circles over her back. Your wife leans her back against the wall, relishing in the coldness of the tiles against her back. Before you get up to get her a glass of water, you place a soft kiss on her forehead. “Should we check?” A question you had asked her many times over the past few months. 

While you wait for the pregnancy test to be ready, you cuddle up in bed together, holding your wife close. Your alarm lets you know that the test is ready to be checked. Alessia grabs the test from her bedside table, the result face down. “Ready, baby?” You smile at her, before you lean in and kiss her, “Now I’m ready.” Alessia slowly turns the test around, it feels like time stops for a moment when you read the word positive. You slowly lift your head up to look at your wife, who looks at you with matching teary eyes. The both of you are too overwhelmed with emotions to speak, so you just fall into each other's arms. “We’re going to be parents.” You say still in disbelief, when you finally find your voice again. “We’re going to be parents.” Alessia says back, the smile on her face growing.

The two of you stay in the bed a lot longer than you usually did on days you had training, neither one of you wanting to end the moment. But as training got closer, you knew you had to. “Do you feel okay going to training? If not I can call Jonas.” Alessia pecks your lips, “I’m okay to go, thank you though.” She could already tell that you were going to be very protective of her during this pregnancy. 

You kept exchanging love sick glances with Alessia, while the both of you were basking in the moment of the two of you being the only ones in the world that knew that Alessia was pregnant. However, the love sick glances didn’t go unnoticed to your best friend. “What’s up with the two of you?” She asks as the two of you walk up the water bottles. “Nothing.” Your reaction was way too quick for Lotte to believe a word that was coming out of your mouth. “Oh, something is going on.” Her mind starts going over the list of things that her two best friends could be up to, until her eyes widened with a possible explanation for your quick response. “Omg, are you preg-” Your hand was on her mouth before she could finish her sentence, sending her a warning look before you slowly removed your hand again. You weren’t able to hold back the smile that was forming on your face, enough proof for Lotte to know that she was right. She pulls you into a hug, “I am so happy for you both.” She whispers in your direction before joining the rest of the girls again. 

Lotte went with the both of you to all of the doctors appointments, she declared herself the videographer of your journey, and you accepted her role glady. That’s how the three of you found yourself in the doctor's office one morning, ready for an ultrasound. You sat by Alessia, holding her hand, while Lotte stood to the side with her phone ready to film. The doctor applied the gel to Alessia’s belly, and started moving the machine around. Both of you look at the screen in awe, trying to figure out what you were looking at, but knowing that it was a little miracle whether you were able to figure it out yourselves or not. 

“So, here we have the baby.” She points to the screen. Tears start filling your eyes, it was still early in the pregnancy, so you hadn’t seen the baby on the screen just yet. You give Alessia’s hand a squeeze and kiss her forehead. “And then here we have another baby.” Your jaw drops, "Twins? We're having twins?" The doctor smiles at the two of you, “Yes, you’re having twins.” Alessia’s emotions get the best of her as well, as her tears start flowing as well. “I’ll give you all a moment.” The doctor says as she hands you the sonogram. You both stare at the pictures in disbelief. “We’re going to have two babies.” Alessia says in a whisper. You nod with a big smile on your face. The two of you share a long hug, meanwhile Lotte is filming the interaction with tears in her eyes. She was overjoyed for her two best friends, having been along on this journey between the both of you since day one.

The next day at practice you had told the team, and showed them the sonograms. Everyone was overjoyed for the both of you, hugs and congratulations were shared in big numbers, and you couldn’t be happier. After you had told both your families, there was only one more thing to do, and that was to tell the world.

------

alessiarusso99 and y/nrusso posted

Liked by lottewubbenmoy and 94,558 others

alessiarusso99: We've got some exciting news to share. I can't believe our dream of starting a family is finally coming true❤️

Load more comments

y/nrusso: So ready for this new adventure with you❤️

lottewubbenmoy: I'm gonna be an autie!

↳ alessiarusso99: The best auntie :)

↳ leahwilliamsonn: Already playing favoritism...

↳ lottewubbenmoy: Best friend privileges😋

user1: WAIT TWO BABY OUTFITS, ARE THEY HAVING TWINS??

Liked by y/nrusso

↳ user2: OMG y/n liked

leahwilliamsonn: Congrats to the both of you 😘

arsenalwfc: more baby Gooners!

------

The response to your announcement was incredible, the overwhelming amount of love and that was thrown your way enough to make you tear up. 

After talking with your OB-GYN and with your own trainers, you had set up a schedule for Alessia. She could continue her training for a while longer, but since soccer was a contact sport, the OB-GYN recommended to stop playing matches two weeks from now, and that in the meantime, Alessia could still play, but not a full match.

That’s how you found yourself the next week, the last match Alessia would play before the twins would arrive. After consulting with the trainers, you had decided that Alessia would start and play only the first half. You were happy to walk the field with Alessia by your side, knowing that was going to be something you were going to be missing dearly over the next few months. You walk up to the side line of the field and wait for Alessia and Lotte to join you. You stand in the middle of them and link your arms with them, jumping over the line together. A pre-game ritual the three of you had started back in college, followed by national team matches, and since you all played together for Arsenal, the ritual was brought there too.

The match was going well, you were glad it wasn’t a very physical match so far, for the sake of Alessia and the babies. You manage to intercept a ball and run towards your opponents goal with it, lifting your eyes to see who was with you, when you saw that Alessia was running forward as well. With a calculated kick, the ball goes flying to her feet. You watch as she kicks the ball to the back of the net, running her way to celebrate the goal with her. After a quick hug, you fall to your knees, and place a kiss on her belly. The first goal you ever dedicated to the babies. Alessia pulls you back in for a hug, before you are met with your teammates from all angles. 

Just five more minutes left in the first half when your team earned a corner. Katie takes it and the ball comes flying your way at the back post. You jump up and head the ball into the goal, just slightly out of reach of the goalkeeper. Your eyes met Alessia’s and you knew what you needed to do. You slide down and place another kiss on her tummy, now both babies had a goal dedicated to them. The rest of the match went great and you ended up winning 4-1. All in all, a great match for Alessia to end on. 

While you continued training and playing matches, you were also taking care of your wife, and getting the house ready for the twins. The girls came over often, helping you out. You were forever grateful for them, helping you paint the nursery, and helping the two of you to gather all the stuff that you would need. 

Amidst all the shopping you kept stumbling on pictures of dad’s on baby products, parenting books for fathers, at first they were just things you noticed, but eventually it started to get to you. You didn’t want to bother Alessia with your emotions, as she was literally growing two humans inside of her but being the amazing wife that she is, she noticed your change in behaviour instantly. “Baby, what’s going on?” She asked softly. “It’s nothing, love.” Alessia knew all your tells, so she knew you weren’t being truthful. “Hey, none of that. If something is going on, you can always tell me, baby.” You cave in after she brought out the puppy dog eyes. “I’ve just been in my head about not being related to the twins. What if my maternal instinct won’t kick in? What if I won’t have a connection with them the same way that you will?”

Alessia takes your hands in hers, “Sweetheart, you already have a connection with them. You talk to them, sing to them, and read to them every single day. These kiddos know your voice by heart already. You’re going to show up for our babies, and you’re going to love them, you’re going to care for them, and that is all they will need. You are great with kids, baby, you might not realise it but I think that your maternal instinct kicked in the moment we saw the positive result on the test. You are going to be the most amazing mother to these two little nuggets.” Alessia always knew the right words to say. “Thank you, my love.” You place a kiss onto her cheek. “I needed to hear that.”

The day your baby girls were born was one with many emotions, all of the best kinds. When you held them for the first time, everything you had been worried about faded away. Their little hands holding onto your fingers, and you had never felt more ready to take on motherhood. Alessia was tired but so in love with the two little bundles of joy. Ever since you had found out that you were going to have two girls, you had known what you wanted to name them, and Alessia had loved your idea.

Lotte, Beth, and Viv were the first of your teammates to come visit your family in the hospital. You hadn’t told anyone the names yet, saved for this special moment. After the four of them have admired your girls, you take one of them from their little crib. “This is Mia, named after Alessia’s middle name, since I’ve always loved it so much.” You hand Mia to Beth, Viv is quick to snap a picture. Then you picked up your other little girl, and walked over to Lotte, handing her the baby. “And this little girl was named after our best friend.” Lotte’s eyes quickly shoot up to you. “Meet Mae.” Lotte could not believe that the two of you had named your child after her, as tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I’m so honoured, thank you so much.”

In small groups the rest of the team, and your families came to meet the little girls. You were so grateful for having such a big group of people you called family, knowing that the girls had so many bonus aunties warmed your heart.

------

y/nrusso and alessiarusso99 posted

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y/nrusso: Mia and Mae Russo. Welcome to the world, my sweet girls, I love you both so much. P.S. My incredible wife is doing well❤️

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lottewubbenmoy: Like I haven't cried enough yet.. Forever grateful to have one of your little girls named after me. Love them both so much already!

viviannemiedema: The best mama's! 😍

bethmead_: The cutest!

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You quickly got used to life as a family of four, and you were loving every single moment of it. The gallery of your phone was filled with pictures and videos of the twins, wanting to capture every moment, so you could hold onto the memories forever.  

The twins were very loved, not only by Alessia and yourself, but also by your friends and family. Your home was often filled with visitors, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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y/nrusso posted

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y/nrusso: Life lately 🥰

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[olderthannetfic]

You've encountered site changes over time as a fan elder, what do you make of Tumblr potentially being put out to pasture? Tumblr was my coming of age fan site, and im looking for advice to transition to the next thing with grace and less bitterness than I feel now.

--

Ahaha. God, you should have heard the howling about LJ. "Fandom is over!" "Never again shall we dwell in fandom's True Home!" etc.

Hell, this endless "only LJ was good" crap turns up in replies here on posts where I as OP have very clearly laid out why that's rose colored glasses nonsense and you can so make friends on tumblr, have a conversation on tumblr, etc.

I had my crabby phase about this during the transition from Yahoo Groups to LJ. A lot of the real olds had it over paper zines and the transition to the internet.

I don't know if reading these hilariously samey old posts would help. It does give perspective, I think.

--

As for what you should do, do what I did with Tumblr:

1.

Look around to identify the Next Thing fandom is going to camp out on.

It may take a few guesses and some time to figure this out. You will likely not be an early adopter. Fandom was well established here by the time I joined at the end of 2010. Of course, by now, all those 2009 and before accounts are long gone, but at the time, I was a n00b joining other people's space despite having been in fandom for ages.

2.

Don't expect to enjoy it

I didn't join tumblr because I liked it. In fact, I despised it. I kept right on despising it until a brief stint in Sherlock fandom, a fandom that was so active here at the time that I was able to finally see the good aspects of the site's structure and features.

This is the mistake a lot of people make. They give things a cursory try, don't enjoy them, and go "not for me", forgetting that the last site also had a steep learning curve that was either difficult or that they didn't notice because they were in a different phase of their life.

Bitterness and grief are, frankly, an inherent part of the process. You can try not to be a debbie downer in your public comments, but you can't just not feel those things during the awkward part of the transition. Sometimes, acting positive and cutting off excessively negative thoughts can make you feel less negative overall, but it doesn't happen immediately.

3.

Accept that feeling cranky and old is both a you problem and a state of mind, not a property of the new site

Relatedly, the way we remember fandom platform X feeling usually has more to do with us being in college with fandom friends down the hall or having discovered Our People for the first time or some other time when we had a lot of energy and positive emotions. Often, we were in the throes of a first or new fandom love too, probably for some megafandom that other people also cared about at the same time.

When fandom is leaving some site, there's a grieving process anyway, but we're also often in a worse part of our lives for starting new things. We're busy. We're tired. We're between fandoms. We feel like we already paid our dues to build up our community. Why should we have to start again?

But let me tell you, you always need to start again eventually. I go to a weekly vidders' zoom chat, and a lot of the people in there are old as balls, including Kandy, the person who invented vidding back in the 70s. She's a lot of decades and a few cancers in, and she had to relearn how to vid on a computer after transitioning from slideshows to VCR vidding back in the day. If bad health, platform changes, and dead friends were going to stop her, she'd be long gone.

It's like sharks: you stop swimming, you die.

This isn't just about fandom, obviously. It's about avoiding a midlife crisis and, later, about avoiding feeling emotionally geriatric even when your body is falling apart.

Change gets us all, but being mentally old is a choice. The real reason I gave tumblr such a try was that I had been so resistant to getting on LJ. I was 20. Even a year later, it was fucking embarrassing to have been a crotchety old hag as a college student. I promised myself I'd soldier through the next change instead of dragging my feet about it. And it totally worked in the end! But boy did it not make the transition any less unpleasant emotionally!

4.

Find your joy

As is obvious from the above, the vast majority of the problem is just emotions. Fandom has been on a million broken sites with shitty features. We go where the people are, regardless of whether it has the technological aspects we liked at the last place. The actual shape of that platform is largely irrelevant.

What does matter is whether we as an individual fan are still excited and happy about something. I was between fandoms recently and went looking around for BL series I hadn't watched yet. People kept suggesting things set in the present day with too-cheesy production values and too many banal schoolboys in modern day settings without even anything spicy going on. I realized that the BL/danmei scene wasn't really cutting it for me and I should go for production values and genre and non-canon ships. You probably scrolled annoyedly past the picspams that resulted.

(Of course, hilariously, someone has now shown me the trailer of Red Peafowl, so someone may be making BL that feels like it's for me after all. Look at all that badwrong and very dark color grading.)

When you're in a good place emotionally, it's a hell of a lot easier to weather any change, and when you have a new fandom, it's a lot easier to connect with other fans.

A lot of people wait around for lightning to strike twice. They found their first fandom by accident, and they expect it to happen seamlessly again. For me, it's far more productive to brute force it: collect up a big list of what's popular or what's new and go through it till you find things you might like, then try them all.

And part of this, obviously, is not waiting for other fans to make the party happen. The more you need to join something other people are already doing, the less choice you'll have in fandoms or in platforms. If you aren't picky and just go where the tropey longfic is, that can work, but even then, favorite authors disappear or go to fandoms you hate and former megafandoms dry up. If you're the one bringing the party, it's a lot easier to find a new fandom or platform or community to have fun in.

[realtalk127]

alright fuck it. i can't sleep and i need to talk about this scene from the last episode of critical role.

because holy shit if this ain't some of the best rp – nay, storytelling in general – that i've ever seen. (buckle up, it ain't gonna be short.)

laudna: i made you a doll. because dolls are for children. and you're a child.

the way she says this is not nice! it's biting, it's snarky. she definitely seems to mean it as an insult – and she probably does! – at first. but laudna's idea of a child is much more expansive than just a cheep insult, as she makes clear shortly.

then ashton's response: i've never had a doll before. this is the nicest thing anyone's ever given me.

i don't know if this reaction melts laudna a little (if it does, she doesn't show it visibly), or maybe she was already coming to the conversation with a more nuanced definition of 'child', but either way, the conversation shifts immediately – and the next two sentences clarify where they're both coming from here.

laudna: i like children. // ashton: i don't.

she likes children! and we knew this, of course. marisha, the god of intentional rp showed us this within the first few moments of laudna's screen-time way back in episode 1. but still! it's worth repeating. despite the bite of her initial comment to ashton, she doesn't necessarily mean it as an insult. i don't know that we could entirely call it a compliment, given the context, but at the very least, i think she intended it as a point of connection.

after all, our data re: Laudna And Kids is not limited to that one scene from episode 1. there's also the parallel scene that mirrors it (with a happier ending) back in episode 38, when laudna first visits the sun tree after her resurrection. we also know (via a 4sd episode that i don't care to dig up right now) that laudna had another friend before imogen, who was a little girl.

and i think it's that little girl that's the most important piece here. we don't know anything about that story except that she exists, but i'm willing to read between the lines and make an assumption that laudna – on average – has better luck getting children to be kind to her (when they've not yet been taught to be cruel) than with adults. there is an innocence there that laudna needs! she needs people who haven't been hardened by assumptions and pre-judgements and all that bullshit. for laudna there is safety – both emotional and literal physical safety – in a childlike perspective.

ALL THAT TO SAY: laudna's associations with childhood are, generally, positive. for a variety of reasons.

but!

ashton's are NOT.

ashton's childhood sucked. from the jump. he was a part of a shitty cult that he barely remembers, and after that they were in an ophanage. their associations with childhood are overwhelmingly negative, and likely associated with feelings of helplessness and loneliness.

whether or not laudna intended that original comment ('you're a child') as an insult, we can pretty safely assume ashton took it as one.

they continue:

ashton: they're awful. // laudna: they're not.

NOW, we're getting into the meat of it. where before they were dancing around a metaphor, it becomes immediately clear what's really being talked about here. ashton is saying 'i'm awful', and laudna is emphatically saying 'no you're not.'

which! first of all, is so insanely generous of her. after what ashton just put her through less than 24 hours ago, laudna has every reason to affirm ashton's assertion that they are, in fact, awful. but she doesn't. ashton knows this, which is why he amends his original statement:

ashton: they can be.

they're saying: perhaps i can concede that i am not always awful, but let's at least agree that sometimes (like specificaly, oh, i don't know, LAST NIGHT) i can be.

laudna: you should remember what it's like to be one.

ashton: i do. it wasn't great.

the LAYERS, y'all. the LAYERS. the important thing here is that it's all in the context of that first comment: you're a child. which is, critically, a statement made in the context of ashton's decisions the previous night. they're talking in generalities here, but they're mostly talking about last night.

so!

when laudna says they should remember what it's like to be one [a child], she also means: you were a child last night, but not in a cool, whimsical way, just in a shitty, immature way. AND! when ashton says they remember, and that it wasn't great, they're saying they know they fucked up last night, but all they know of childhood is an overwhelming helplessness, how can that possibly be spun to a positive?

and this, really, is the crux of their two differing worldviews. these two have a lot in common – much has been said about that in game and out – but this point is where they split. laudna has survived, by embracing her childlike nature (admittedly, to a fault, at times). how to keep from being hurt? just keep everything fun and whimsical! nothing to worry about here, it's all just a silly little game! and she has also needed people who share that perspective. people who are willing to take her at face value and without any of the negative assumptions and prejudices they may have picked up along the way.

ashton, on the other hand survived by growing up immediately. they got through their own shitty childhood by becoming an adult (or acting like one anyway) as quickly as possible and STAYING that way. ashton needs to have a tough exterior (there's the made-of-stone thing again) to feel safe. (admittedly, from an audience perspective, this veneer is basically see-through. but ashton doesn't necessarily know this. they're trying their best. so from their perspective, the tough guy thing is Working.)

laudna: you should find more joy in your inner child.

she's saying two things here:

(1) you can be soft and be safe. those can co-exist, aND!

(2) i need you to be soft for me to be safe. when you have this false tough exterior, it hurts people. it hurts (hurt) me.

which is certainly a resonant metaphor to play with for the literal ROCK GUY who just got literally MELTED into LAVA 12 hours prior.

ANYWAY- that's what i've got for now on this scene. i'll probably never stop thinking about it, and there's even more good shit from later on in the scene when they talk about the doll, but that's it for now.

[frommike]

The most unsatisfying thing to me, if m*leven is endgame, is that Mike had not changed at all in how he saw El through season 4.

I call lazy writing if the monologue is supposed to be a resolution, because the entire setup was that El's perception of Mike no longer loving her, was directly linked to her loss of powers. The circumstance of Mike only confessing once again while she has powers, and then focusing on that as the only aspect that is unique to her in his grand love speech, with no address of it afterwards, is undeniably lazy. I don't want to take that as a resolution to what the writers set up themselves. It relies entirely on the audience only believing what they're told, unquestioning of what they can actually verify with the rest of the story. It relies on the audience not actually caring.

I also don't want to have watched El go through all that torment, focus entirely on regaining those powers through reliving undescribable trauma, for her to be the only one who had a change of heart on where her worth lies.

Learn to deal with your boyfriend reducing you down to one aspect that you hate about yourself, lovely message.

And if we are supposed to believe he changed, the timeline should not be set up where the last important conversation he partakes in is isolating her from him in her powers. The only change of heart in that which he could have had, would be from Will's speech. That sets him up as apparently making El feel better for being different... Which she directly contradicted to him in their big fight. There's no way he learned a lesson on "idolizing" El and her powers from that ("Idolizing" in quotes because it's not necessarily positive, but still largely about putting her on a pedestal). There was no reason for his journey on screen to not have been about that, instead of largely internal and only, to the viewer, focused on the specific words.

The van scene is the first time we are actually given an explanation to why Mike can't say he loves her, in the second-to-last episode, after 3 other conversations centering around his trouble saying it. At least give the character time to grow. There was no reason for the reason to come up so late, when his struggle spanned the entire season.

We could also at least have had a nice, romantic conversation between the two as a response to finally hearing that he loves her. If not just putting the entire monologue in a different situation under different stakes. Which should be more appreciated as a conversation, where it addresses their communication problems, and acts to symbolize the end of those problems. El finding solace in Mike about Max would be monumental for them, but nope, she glares at Mike and Will then almost slams a door. And doesn't say a word to Mike at all in the time after the monologue. On screen.

The only mentioned conversation was about El's powers once again, and ended negatively. Nothing about El's response to that monologue that should've been an end to the relationship drama. It's implied that was the only time they talked, even. Seeing as they talked so little that Will had to point it out.

I want a happy ending for El, and I want it to feel sufficiently earned by everyone involved. Not in the way that I expect them to work for happiness, they have already done more than enough for that. I just want it to come as a result of believable character development, not to have to expect El to be happy just because she heard the specific thing she asked to hear, regardless of the ignorance to the context of her original problem. Mike saying "I love you," does not dispell him hyperfocusing on the fact that she's a "superhero," the established problem El had in the beginning.

I think the happiness that she has earned is based in independence. Not necessarily dealing with everything on her own, as she had been, and I do want her to grow away from that in season 5, but finding value in herself on her own. That was her journey this season. She comes back from Nina with the realization that she's not a monster, and she doesn't need to be a superhero to be worthy of love. I think at this point in the story, she is in a place where she has walked away from seeking validation from Mike that he doesn't make her feel.

Continuing to develop along that in season 5 would feel most satisying to me. And developing a friendship between Mike and El where neither feel pressured to be the most important person to the other. Because they have been through hell and back with each other and deserve to have a meaningful resolution to the relationship drama.

[thefriendoforatioisdead]

There is one thing that I love the most about Wan's character, and I love the way they tied everything together

I'm going to try to explain this but that might be confusing so bear with me.

(Warning : This is a very long rant)

So what I'm talking about is the way her character evolved between present time and the flashbacks, because I think there's something great about the consistency of it, which I'm going to explain chronologicaly (sort of)

So from the beginning we know that Wan doesn't really have a temper. She's friendly, as she immediately tries to befriend Kim and doesn't mind that she is being rejected : it doesn't stop her from being nice. The only times she is different from that smily happy girl is to display righteous anger, when the teacher is being mean to Kim, and when she's worried for her and runs to find her in the lockeroom.

These earlier flashbacks (which I assume take place when they were around 15/16 in tenth to eleventh grade) show us that Wan was friendly, extroverted (which is also why she was so popular in high school I think), determined and courageous, and also very protective of Kim already, even without them being really friends yet. She was headstrong, self-confident but only in a positive way.

THEN their dads left. And we enter a second phase of her character : Based on their conversation in the bathroom from ep 9, I assume Kim was a very sensitive kid, withdrawn, lonely, and it probably got worse after her dad left. Wan, on the other hand, seems to have reacted with more anger, as we can see when she attacks Mali for spreading the rumors. We see that she's a bit authoritative, leaving no choice to her friends but to accept Kim in the group, and her ego seems to have grown a bit as we see her bragging about being a good actress at their sleepover (which I assume takes place at the very end of high school, 12th grade, when they're around 17/18 although I don't know much about the thai school system so I might be wrong), but also saying that she's too pretty for any guy to date her. But we can see that her anger is still one that makes sense, and her protectiveness towards Kim is hightened, probably because she's starting to fall in love with her.

So what I assumed from the end of her teenagehood, after her dad left, is that Wan reacted with anger,became less patient, started having less kindness for the world, however, she got closer to Kim, and more protective of Kim, who, on the other hand, reacted by keeping even more to herself, and the friendship she built with Wan, Mon and Mali is what helped her becoming more self-assured, and more open. (My personal headcanon is that once they became really friends, Wan decided to keep her sadness inside so she could be strong for Kim. WHICH IS WHY SHE LATER ON EXPRESSES ANGER INSTEAD OF SADNESS WHEN SHE FEELS THAT WAY, but i'm getting ahead of myself)

Lastly, there is a big big big time lapse of ten years that we never see, where they went to college, Wan built her carriere as an actress and Kim became her stylist, they became roommates and stayed roommates until they were (I assume) 28, and the events of the series began. During this time, Wan got depression, we are told from the pressure of her job and what is happening to her mother. When we meet Wan, she's very different from what see later in the flashbacks, but after putting this chronologically, I think we can see that the way she acts is an excessive version of all the traits we've established before : She's jealous and possessive of Kim, an excess of her protectiveness that we have seen previously. She's prone to anger, outbursts, she snaps at anyone, which we saw was a trait that already existed in a positive form at first, then started to become a bit negative after her dad left. She has, outwardly, even if it's not real, a big ego and a diva attitude which leads her to act like everything is due to her and into petty fights with Jessie and Pam (even if the fact her rivalry with the later exists since apparently forever can let us assume that she always had a tendency to compare herself to others). She's the worst version of things that used to be her best qualities, and that made Kim fall in love with her.

And I love this consistency, I love the way we see how she evolves as a character and I used to be so annoyed with her and the way she acted, but after eleven episodes, I realized that it actually is very tied together. They don't communicate because they never learned how to do it, because they just did it in their dreams, Wan snaps because she always thought they could just keep being in love without ever saying it and living their life, until Jessie makes her realize that she might lose Kim at any point, Kim is forced to face the fact that the Wan she fell in love is not the one she's living with right now, and that she deserves better than that, and Wan is also forced to face the fact that she isn't who she used to be, and that if she doesn't do anything about it and makes up to Kim, she's going to be miserable forever and lose the love of her life ! AND THEIR PERSONALITIES IN PRESENT TIME MAKE ABSOLUTE SENSE REGARDING WHAT WE SEE IN THE FLASHBACKS ! AND THIS SHOW IS AMAZING AND I ALWAYS KNEW IT IN MY HEART ! TRUST THE PROCESS !

[bibibbon]

Netflix Castlevania is a REAL doozy! Our protagonists, the Belmonts being treated horribly by their so called friends and love interests, but it's always depicted as a joke at their suspence, never being the one to beat the grand big bad or have their most greatest power (The Morningstar whip) being treated as useless, gets paired with the female love interest who doesn't treat him with much respect and is inconsiderate of his feelings and all? Check. They even had one of Dracula's generals go through severe abuse, r*pe, torture, locked in a dungeon, tricked into being magically bound to his female abuser/r*pist, mocked and demeaned in by his female abuser to other vampires, and yet be the one to apologize to HER and fall for HER that he cried when she took herself out when she loses her powers! 3/5

Part 1 part 2 part 3

I have watched castlevania (though it's been a while) so I can definitely add a lot of input here.

I see where you're coming from with the way the narrative treats Trevor Belmont's situation and trauma (I do partially agree here) we are first introduced to Trevor in season 1 episode 2 where he is visibly drunk and gets into a fight due to his family crest. From that whole ordeal in episode 2 we find out a few things:

Trevor is from the Belmont family

The Belmont's don't have a good reputation in Wallachia and were thought to be evil people who dealt with dark magic and evil beings

Trevor is homeless

Trevor is the last son (person) from his family

So the things we have learnt about Trevor aren't any good and it's already implied that there's a lot surrounding his backstory and trauma in general.

(I do think that season 1 and 2 so handle Trevor's, alucards and Hector's trauma quite well my problem stems at the end of season 2 till season 4)

The later half of season 1 we see that Trevor's social skills are significantly lacking with the way he fails to comfort sypha when she watches her grandfather and the other speakers leaving and from that we are revealed to the fact that Trevor has been travelling on his own for quite a while meaning that he has never actually made a long term human relationship in years and that sypha is his first one in a long time. No we are aware that Trevor does have regular human interactions since he does go to a pub or an inn from time to time but they're incredibly brief and sometimes outright negative interactions at worst and neutral interactions at best. So I think there's a highlight about sypha being his first positive human interaction in quite a while and one where both are experiencing a lot of various emotions together (I did hope that the show might of made a bit of emphasise on Trevor's loneliness and how he was a lone wolf for quite a while)

Early season 2 we get a lot more information about Trevor and his backstory. We got news that he for one couldn't actually read

(I don't think he ever learnt to read in later seasons either) and that he lost his home and family when he was 12 or around that age. I do like the fact that there is an emphasis on the fact that everything seems to be a blur to Trevor since he physically can't remember what age he was when all of his family was excommunicated by the church or what age he started to travel alone. The show at least allows for both sypha and alucard to be genuinely shocked by this information and even have alucard make an offer handed comment on how he had a longer and much more stable childhood than Trevor did (I do like this and I think it actually shines a lot on Trevor's past).

I think the whole memory loss thing with Trevor can be linked to two things :

Trevor resorts to alcohol to forget or feel numb about what happend to him as a child

Trevor's brain couldn't physically handle all the trauma so it just blocked it/made him forget it to protect him

The end of season 2 gives trevor a nice conversation that I personally enjoy and one that actually addresses his behaviour within season 1 and season 2 when sypha asks him to accompany her and travel with her.

I do think that they shouldn't of actually defeated Dracula in season 2 but season 3 ( I wanted more of the trio and honestly I still thought that they were massively under prepared when it came to fighting Dracula). When it comes to Trevor not getting the main spotlight when fighting Dracula that's something I get why and honestly I still do think that alucard should be the the main one to fight and take down his father as it's much more symbolic that way (alucard is Dracula spelt backwards and alucard literally defined himself to be the exact opposite of his father it's something that's a part of him and something that he needed to let go of after the fight)

However, Trevor does get his time to shine considering that he fought death itself in season 4 and survived!

I think what bugs me the most is how when it comes to Trevor and his trauma (basically his trauma is very integral to his character it's literally influenced his actions IE drinking a lot and an overall lack of self care or self preservation) the idea of the show using trevor and having sypha and alucard be disgusted at themselves in a way that reminds them of trevor rubs me the wrong way and I can't fully comprehend or articulate why.

I think it's the way the narrative tires to play it as a joke where Trevor ends up being the punching bag maybe that's why it rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's that because I do think that those moments could be used as a way to have the characters get closer and understand Trevor a lot more and vice versa.

Now moving onto alucard I think the whole thing he went through with Sumi and taka was unnecessary. I really hated the fact that the writers chose to break up the trio after season 2 and I hoped that we could of seen both Trevor and alucard rebuild their childhood homes together and both of them heal from their trauma while also dealing with the other vampires and hoard left. I think we should of gotten a sypha pov where she is somewhat torn about going back or staying behind with Trevor and alucard (in the end I do think she would go back to the speakers to meet her grandad and then come back to complete the trio)

I think the thing is alucard already had enough trauma there was no need (in my opinion) to add the whole sumi and taka thing + him being so lonely that he literally made dolls of trevor and sypha (that broke me). Like I would of enjoyed if the show took its course focused on alucard processing what happend to both his mother and that fact that he had to kill his dad and he now resides in that exact house with everything still there and fresh. We could of just had alucard grieving and sypha and Trevor there to support him (every single time I remember that sumi and taka may of reminded alucard of Trevor and sypha and that maybe why he let them be so close to him I tweak) there's also the fact that you could have alucard go through a bit of an identity crisis and not knowing how to fit into the vampire world or how to help stop the hoard and what maybe left of Dracula's army.

In the end I dont know I just think the whole sumi and taka thing + Trevor and sypha leaving him behind was unnecessary and unfavourable. This is more so especially after season 4 proceeds to introduce Greta and somewhat not fully explore all of the trauma alucard receives due to the whole SA situation with Sumi and taka. Sure I think it would be interesting for the show to have alucard be incredibly hesitant of trusting Greta but having alucard silently yearn for trustful and valuable human contact and interaction.

However, I do like the way the show went about exploring the trauma alucard had in season 1 and season 2 with sypha being the one to make a lot of the connections and even having the show display alucarda conflicted feeling about his mothers death and his fathers rage thay got him injured.

(like I said I haven't watched castlevania in a while so there maybe some mistakes but this is my take on all of this)

[ninyard]

6, 12, 13, and 23 for the aftg ask game!

- @you-know-i-get-itt

Already answered 6!

12. Favourite narrative foil?

I don’t know if I have this right I haven’t studied English/literature stuff in…like 8 years and I’m kind of stupid academically so. Forgive me if this analysis is absolutely wrong and not what that means but

I think Andrew/Renee, maybe. Renee who went through a bunch of the same things Andrew went through, becoming kind through her pain. Seeing how ugly and terrible and bad the world can get and just… being so determined to not be that person anymore. She acknowledges the horrible things she’s done with regret and doesn’t feel proud of her actions, she hates the person she used to be, she found light and meaning in life and turned her hatred of the world into smiles and positivity and spreading love like it’s her life’s mission.

And Andrew became bitter. Andrew became angry, and resentful, and lost any blatant outward kindness that he might’ve had. Andrew became violent and hateful and intolerant to bullshit and unkind people. The lessons Andrew learned from his trauma was not that he was the victim of terrible people, but that if terrible people wanted something from him, they would just take it. Renee sees the bad day someone might’ve had, while Andrew sees an asshole who has wronged him. Renee fought back against her abusers when Andrew never could. Andrew took Renee’s knives from her. They’re not true foils of each other, I know that really, but I just love seeing the different responses to the same kinds of trauma. How they started on this path that looked the same and both ended up two totally opposite kinds of people. IDK! that’s not a great analysis rly but yeah!!!

(Neither of their reactions to their trauma is wrong or right btw - just because Andrew’s sounds more insulting and negative, it doesn’t make it a bad response. Renee deserves to be angry and bitter and resentful too. They both rightfully deserve to be pissed at the life they were given. Renee just decided not to outwardly be that way.)

13. Favourite narrative symbolism?

(Was it intentional that number of this q was 13??) The number 13 and the keys I think!!

23. Something you are very sure will happen in TSC2

Kevin and Jean facing off on the court. The jerejean pottery class of course. An argument with Jeremy’s family. MAYBE Jean having the water boarding conversation with someone:

(Things I would like to see that are not so certain: Lukas blaming Jean for Graysons inevitable death, Jeremy losing his cool, Jean gets a sex toy, Ichirou cameo, the Ravens implode from the inside)

[thezanyarthropleura]

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is... my favorite Godzilla movie?

Or: how the MonsterVerse changed my mind after 10 years.

I hate to be that person in a fandom who's constantly saying things like "the old stuff was great, but the new stuff sucks!" however, when it comes to the kaiju genre... for a time, I unfortunately got pretty close to that. I once rolled my eyes at the notion of the "Kaiju Renaissance," and how between Legendary and Toho it had "something for everyone" and thought that for me, that was only really true if you counted some of the IDW comics, the 12-minute Godzilla vs. Megalon short film, and the renewed availability/merchandising for the originals - which means I've recently seen about 20 classic films I never had before, including some of my new favorites, so in that sense, it sort of did feel like a Renaissance. It just wasn't feeling, at the time, like the newer movies had much to offer for me personally.

It isn't that I had a great many negative things to say about the MonsterVerse films, I just... didn't have a lot of positive things to say either. Due to a number of things I can now look back on as mostly minor nitpicks, there was a sense that they didn't even belong to the fandom I loved at all, and Toho's offerings as of late... had felt pretty much the same. Now, I'll have you know I do in fact love the heck out of Godzilla: Minus One, and in a way, that film feels like a great "part one" of my change in attitude toward the new kaiju boom, but in the end, I like it more because it's an excellent film overall than specifically because it's a kaiju film.

The Godzilla solo films, or films where kaiju are presented exclusively or almost exclusively as an antagonistic force, are *in theory* some of my least favorites of the bunch. I end up holding quite a few of them very highly on their own merits as movies, but what I'm mainly looking for in these films actually started with the original Mothra film in 1961 - the expansion of the genre from disaster film into urban/contemporary fantasy, and the treatment of giant monsters as spiritual, cultural, supernatural forces that can represent a whole slew of things other than a threat or crisis.

Now, if that just sounds like a fancy way of saying "giant monsters beating the crap out of each other" then you're not entirely wrong. I do love a good hero story, and it informs a lot of which films end up being my favorites. But there are other factors I find exceptionally strong in many of the classic films - personal resonance with the human element, the interaction of the human and monster elements, the overall uniqueness and earnestness of the story being told - that I just wasn't finding with the MonsterVerse.

...Until now

GXK SPOILERS AHEAD!

I went in not expecting too much from this movie. From all the hype surrounding it, I was prepared for a monster brawl I could sit back and have a good time watching, and that was about it. I thought the opening Hollow Earth scenes were cool (if a little gory), I laughed out loud in the theater at Doug's appearance, and since I was already spoiled on Scylla's death, I didn't take it too badly (she was my favorite of the MV original Titans, but since I wasn't that invested, it was easy enough to switch back into "oh, we were never supposed to care about them" mode).

Things changed as we got introduced (mainly re-introduced) to the human cast. It was specifically the car scene, with Ilene picking Jia up from school and the short conversation they have in sign, that resonated especially well and gave me the sudden hope that this film was, in fact, going to have a very strong emotional core. It sets both of them up for deeper, more personal character arcs than they had in their previous appearance in Godzilla vs. Kong, and that only continued as we got more scenes with them, and then added Bernie into the cast.

There's something I really love about the Ilene and Bernie scene - Bernie is, in a sense, a meme character, in that his laser-focused self-interest is continually played for laughs, but then we put him in a scene with an increasingly emotional and desperate Ilene. The contrast between the two of them cuts deep at the appeal to underlying humanity that we see play out with this cast, in small moments, across the rest of the movie. Jia was already the best character in the MonsterVerse, but she has an even stronger pull when we've been introduced to a deep emotional angst looming in the background of all her scenes. Ilene's worries about her strained relationship with her daughter are carried through and don't ever feel like they've been left behind for the sake of expediency. Bernie has always had a few serious notes to his character, but even though the jokes continue, his insecurity around being hounded by skeptics is eventually played seriously and he becomes much more than the memes by the end of this film. Trapper doesn't feel quite like he gets a complete arc of his own, but as the new addition, he has a great vibe and acts as a supportive presence for everyone else's arcs.

GxK is very much a "quirky people in a situation have decided to support each other" movie, reminding me very strongly of Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966), which previously held the title of my personal favorite Godzilla movie. And yet, given this specific cast of characters, both in literal dynamic parallels and how enjoyable they are to watch, I can't help but also draw favorable comparisons to the Heisei era Gamera films - which I hold in their own, higher tier that eclipses anything that's come out of the Godzilla franchise. I'd specifically mention Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995) as probably the closest comparison, both in character and overall tone. Both of those movies are already in my top ten, along with a few other comparable films like Ghidorah, the Three Headed Monster (1964), which also has similar vibes in the human cast but far more direct parallels on the monster side.

As for the tone - great. GxK has one kaiju sex joke and one Skull Island style death, in something that feels like a "last hurrah" for the MonserVerse's previous sense of humor, but after that, it takes on a certain Showa-style earnestness for even the fantastical story being told. When there is humor, it has more to do with the characters' personalities playing off one another, and IMO, it works very well (I still think it could do with less green/yellow blood splatter and monster gore in general, but most of that is also kept to the beginning of the movie). Overall, the film doesn't feel like it's making fun of itself or the genre it's in, or if it does, it's doing so more tastefully than some previous entries.

It's probably well known by now that Godzilla himself isn't in this movie all that much, mainly relegated to Kong's backup - which is fine by me, as that's actually more or less my exact favorite use of Godzilla. He doesn't need to be the main character, or a significant narrative focus, he doesn't even need to be an outright hero, he just needs to be convenient. Godzilla showing up in all his glory, to make a situation at least slightly better for someone I care about, so I can cheer him on. That's all I ask, and this film finally delivers that. The best I can figure, the previous MV films either made him too brutal/vengeful or made his enemies too sympathetic, or some combination of the two, such that he never felt like he had that big hero moment I was looking for until now. But Scar King is just enough of a love-to-hate villain that it easily tilts the moral compass in Godzilla's favor, and this film even does make a point of having a few moments where Godzilla chooses to set his rage aside and spare a former enemy (Scylla and Tiamat notwithstanding. RIP to them, I guess).

Now, as for Kong - I've never been a Kong fan. I don't have much interest in watching previous Kong movies outside of Toho's versions and sometimes the 2005 film. The classic take on the character, with the kidnapping elements and inevitable tragedy, just doesn't appeal to me, but even when I wasn't quite sold on the MonsterVerse, one of the things I did acknowledge was that it was actually starting to make me like Kong. This film cements that, and I have zero problems that it's more of Kong's movie over Godzilla's (and for as much of the movie as the trailers spoiled, I'm really glad they managed to hide almost everything to do with Suko. His story has so much more depth than "Kong adopts a cute baby ape," it's actually wonderful).

(I could also gush at length about Mothra, but most if it would probably be incomprehensible. Just know that despite her small role and short screentime, she's at some of her very best here).

So yes, a MonsterVerse film has, as far as I can tell, somehow topped my list of favorite Godzilla films, and is now up there competing with Heisei Gamera and the third Rebirth of Mothra movie for my top pick in the genre. But the next question is, did one good movie actually change my mind about the whole MonsterVerse?

...Kind of, yeah. With as much as GxK made me love Ilene, Jia, and Bernie, I now immensely enjoy Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) and I've found myself rewatching it many, many times just to see more of them, not to mention also appreciating it a lot more as Kong's film. Mothra and especially the focus on Monarch as an organization also brings me back to Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019), whose characters I've since reevaluated and found that I also quite enjoy. Kong: Skull Island (2017) remains an enjoyable popcorn movie for me, also elevated slightly for being a Kong film and having Skull Island and Iwi lore, and Godzilla (2014)... is also part of the continuity, I guess. I do enjoy a lot of what it has to offer, but it's probably my least favorite.

To get serious for a moment, these days every new release, in any fandom I'm in, makes me feel like it might be the last one I get to enjoy, if not the last one period. And if that ends up being true about this movie, then at least I'd be able to say that as far as I'm concerned, the kaiju genre, if not human media in general, has gone out on a high note.

I'm not in a place where I can concern myself at all with sequels or spinoffs, anything we might get in the future. But for now, this is a good movie, and I'm going to be enjoying the heck out of it. I've seen it in theaters three times and counting. I bought the novelization audiobook and have listened to it twice so far. I'm writing a fanfic. I keep impulse-buying the playmates toys. I started learning sign language. I'm choosing to be not at all normal about this movie and if the world ended with it being my entire personality, maybe at least in some sense I'd die happy.

So from me, a classic kaiju film snob who could talk at length about how Japanese films from as early as the 1950s and 60s have more progressive values and better storytelling than modern Hollywood, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire gets an absolutely GLOWING recommendation. Somehow.

...and in case I don't see you, so long and that's a lot of fish.

[falling-star-cygnus]

This will probably happen in the show later and it’s already confirmed that sir snake man (sorry but his name is impossible to remember) but let’s say Charlie get another invite to heaven. They invite her to ask about the hotel, keeping snake man a secret, but they will genuinely give her a chance. She ends up running into the snake man again and as confirmed, he doesn’t remember them. How would that go

this feels like something Sera would actually do too

i've been toying with this idea actually!

without further ado, i hope you enjoy❗❗

{All things considered, Charlie thought that meeting went surprisingly well! Sure, it seemed like Sera was hiding something... but what else was new? She did hide the exterminations from Emily and the rest of the winners after all sooo maybe Charlie was just being paranoid}

{Anyway her redemption plan was getting approved! Positives, she reminds herself, positives.}

{A sigh flutters out of her chest, weighed down with all the emotions she didn't want to think about at the moment. It was a trick Vaggie had taught her; bundle all the negative thoughts into a ball, hold it for a second- and breathe it out.}

{She could do this.}

{A bump against Charlie's shoulder makes her drop the flashcards she had been clutching, sending them scattering over the clouds of Heaven's floor.}

"Oh, I am sso sssorry, my dear- let me help you." "That's ok! Accidents happen... after- all.."

{Charlie's stomach swoops down to her hooves.}

{He looks different, both entirely and not at all, with pristine white scales and a charmingly dopey smile. The familiar hissing undertone under his words soothes an open wound she hadn't known she'd been nursing}

"...Pentious?"

{The naga looks up, blinking one eye after the other as the two stare each other down. When he straightens, flashcards held to his chest, Charlie can't help but throw herself at him and hug the snake tight.}

"Pentious! You're alive?" "Uh..."

{Pentious' clawed fingertips awkwardly pat her back}

"Well- I mean, right, you're not alive- but you're here! Pentious, I-"

{Charlie pulls back just slightly, tears glossing her eyes as she smiles up at the redeemed naga. She was so relieved that he hadn't disappeared it almost sent her to her knees. Her hotel worked!}

"I'm so proud of you! Oh- oh! We have to tell Cherri! She won't admit it, but she's missed you! We've- all missed you!"

{Sir Pentious nods, looking confused in that 'pretending-not-to-be' way of his. An icy feeling spreads in her throat.}

"Pentious...?" "I'm- terribly ssorry, but... have we met befffore?"

{The frost grips her heart like a pincer attack, spreading through her veins and rooting her in place. She can't breathe, she can't think-}

{Pentious... didn't remember her?}

{Did he remember anybody?}

"I-" "Sir Pentious!"

{Emily's voice cuts through the squeak of Charlie's aborted sentence.}

{Numbly, she registers the naga handing back her dropped flashcards back with an apologetic smile. She can see the baby seraph leading him away with hushed, lightly scolding words. Maybe she could've made them out, if her blood wasn't roaring in her ears; if breathing hadn't suddenly become an insurmountable task.}

{Sera's hand when had she gotten here? is disturbingly gentle on her back as she leads the princess back to the portal. The head seraphim might've said something along the way, she might've offered an explanation that was riddled with even more secrets}

{Charlie couldn't hear her if she did}

"He doesn't... remember us?"

{Sera's nose- where her nose would be- scrunches with a wince. She awkwardly ushers the princess into the portal with the intent of avoiding this conversation entirely}

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

{Anger breaks through the hazy film over Charlie's mind like a bullet. She can feel her horns ripping up through her hairline, her eyes shifting colors as she whirls on the seraphim}

"You just weren't going to say anything?"

{The portal closes without a snap, anticlimactic as she's left puffing at the wall of her hotel. The hotel that had redeemed her friend. Her friend that didn't remember her.}

{Her friend that Sera had tried to keep a secret}

{Charlie's fist rocks into the wall before she realizes it.}

"DAMNIT."

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Alto/Landgraab

Separate paths

2 days later. It was still quite early in the morning when Vita was already back in the kitchen. Because one of the side effects of pregnancy, whether positive or negative, is being hungry, no matter what time of day. She hadn't had anything like this for almost 17 years. And she almost forgot how annoying these mood swings could be.

Gerhard and his wife also got up early. Then today is the day they will move into their new home. It was still possible to find an intact house. They ate breakfast in silence together with the others. But afterwards they had to exchange a few important words.

Gerhard spoke to Vita. “We had our disagreements until the end, but… We still want to thank you for giving us a roof over our heads when we were in need"/ ‘well, we like to help others when they need help, don't we?’. He looked at her in disbelief, by now it was hard to tell whether she was being ironic or not. “I'd rather not say anything about that now. I was looking for something useful for us yesterday and found another intact house."/ ‘Oh, I'm glad to hear that’.

“Oh, you're pleased, Vita? You've been as obnoxious as ever in the last few days…”. Vita thought back to the one night and the conversation between her husband and the stranger on the other end. It had a positive effect on her mood. “I apologize for my behavior, it might be partly due to pregnancy or… Oh, I just hope you'll feel better then. “/. Vita's behavior was also something new for Gerhard at that moment.

Holly didn't want to miss the chance to say goodbye either. “It's a bit of a shame that you want to leave, but… I understand your decision…”. Nancy smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “It wasn't meant to be a permanent solution to stay here. Thank you for looking after Malcolm from time to time, it wasn't a matter of course, I didn't want to take away your youth"/ ‘it's o.k., i had enough time and I'm very happy with Ethan’/ ‘he's a good boy’.

The men also had one last chat in front of the door. And Nick's head was working. "I'm... I'm sorry." Gerhard looked at him almost incomprehensibly. "What? What are you apologizing for, huh? For having to be your henchman for the last few months? Or for the fact that your opinion always carried more weight than the others'? I'm certainly not staying here because of an apology"/ "You don't have to."

“Then you don't need to start showing anything like remorse now, okay?"/ ”hh, I don't want that either, I… My God. You'd better tell me if you want to work as a doctor again"/ ”What? How am I supposed to do that? I'm in diagnostics and I can't work without the necessary equipment”. Nick looked at the floor for a moment and nodded. “Yes, that's true, of course. But… Maybe you'll think about it again soon.”

Gerhard turned and headed for the door… “It's just… I know you were passionate about your work. And now that Dr. Wolff is pausing for a while because of her pregnancy, you could do other things in the hospital"/ ”It's not even a real hospital, Nick. A small doctor's surgery and a military tent, that's not enough and it's cold as fuck there too.”.

Nick took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know. Well, maybe that can still be changed…"/ ”Let it go, Nick. You've wanted to change things so many times and you haven't. . I'll be on my way now with my wife and son. “/ “OK, then… Good luck for now. And if you do need anything…"/ ‘What I need at the moment is rest’. Gerhard walked past him and disappeared into the house to get the rest of his things and leave with his family.

Gerhard was glad to have freed himself from Nick's hands. Sure, he was never a prisoner in their house or anything like that, but he no longer held the same views as Nick. “And I really have my own room?”. For Malcolm, the whole thing was a new chapter as well. “mhm, yeah, “/”can I have an ant farm then? Holly always thought they were disgusting"/ ”we'll think about it, but you have to take good care of them. We don't want them running all over the house"/ ‘o.k.’….The new house was further away, but they were happy to put up with the long walk.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this Part @greenplumbboblover🙂

[golden-flute]

No one asked for my opinion on The Sun and the Star, but I’ve been thinking of nothing else since I finished the book, and I have to write my thoughts or I will explode, lol.

Fair warning: Spoilers and long-ass thought dump ahead.

Gif Originally posted by riptides

On the Themes

I picked out a few different themes that I found carried through the book:

Self-acceptance

Living with trauma

Embracing change

What healing looks like

I thought they were brilliantly approached because there was a lot of nuance for each theme. Particularly when you consider that these are pretty heavy topics for middle-reader age groups!

The biggest theme directly relating to Nico was this idea that it's possible to embrace your trauma, to accept it, and to grow around it. In his case, it's literal, with the Cocoa Puffs hanging around him now like a little parade of Walmart Ghibli Sootballs, lol.

I think that Nico was working through his trauma well before he ever heard the prophecy. The fact that he was able to accept his darkness so easily once Nyx forced him to confront it was more a mark of how far he'd already progressed than it was a big moment where he was suddenly magically healed from all of his baggage. The entire purpose of the Cocoa Puffs was to act as a physical representation of Nico's existing trauma. They will always be a part of him, but they don't define him. He's simply accepted them and freed himself from them without avoiding the fact that they'll still be there. That's such a healthy place to be, particularly because I think a lot of people tend to fall into the same trap of toxic positivity that Will did....

Many people who are natural healers and problem-solvers often fail to realize that being healed doesn't always mean that pain has totally been eradicated, hurray. In their minds, there's always some way to fix broken people. And I think that's why Will's conversation with Persephone was so important for his growth. I think he always saw Nico as someone who needed to be fixed, and to Will, that meant that Nico must hide from his trauma, or ignore it. Will's story arc centered around his acceptance that he can't (and shouldn't) always try to heal people "his way." With Nico, he had to get on his level, see him, and accept his pain. I've known people in my life who tend to avoid negative emotions because they think it's totally bad. But hiding from the pain can often make it worse. Darkness only grows stronger in the shadows, after all.

Nico and Will's internal journeys were two sides of the same coin in that respect. I loved it. Nico was ready to accept his trauma, but in a way, Will had to accept it too.

By the time they reach Nyx, these internal struggles had been mostly resolved and simply need to have their big final moment to totally hit home. But there's another kind-of-subtle-but-also-not theme for Nyx that ingeniously ties into the idea of questioning gender and sexuality. Nyx sees things as black and white. Even her own children, who are more than their labels, have to fit into these perfect molds in her mind. She's the BBEG because she struggles to change or to accept others changing around her. Talk about a heavy topic, right? But then at the end of the book, this idea of change is also beautifully encapsulated in Nico and Piper's discussion about sexuality labels. Particularly from Piper's perspective, since she's still figuring herself out and just going with what feels right in the moment. People are beautifully complex creatures who are capable of being something new every day.

On Characterization

Over the years, I've discovered that I gravitate toward the reformed, darker characters--the gloomy cinnamon rolls, if you will. Nico. Laudna and Caleb from Critical Role. Hunter in the Owl House. Zuko. Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Riku from Kingdom Hearts. So on and so forth. Something about their stories is so compelling to me. Perhaps seeing them overcome their own trials is a symbol that light comes after darkness, which is a message I have clung to my entire life, because it gives me hope for myself. And that’s exactly one of the messages I got from TSATS. This time, it was Nico’s turn for a reprieve from his trauma.

Y'all. Nico's a fucking NERD. The moment we met him as a little kid, he was talking everyone's ears off about Mythomagic, and he revealed he had a pirate phase and... yeah, he's just a nerd. His carefree personality took a huge nosedive after Bianca was killed, and then he became this unrecognizable dark creature of vengeance. I know some folks felt that he was really out of character in TSATS, but I find the shift just harkens back to the themes of change. Nico's transforming before our eyes, guys. Though Apollo's series and into TSATS, he's come to a place of peace where he could let go of his anger and his darkness... or at least accept them. And that's given him the space he needed to kind of get back on an even keel. He's finally able to return to his natural progression as a hyperactive dork. That's what we saw in TSATS and I loved it so much for him.

I found Will's progression really interesting as well. He's always been seen as the intrepid healer with a sometimes-literal glowing halo around him. In this story, the tables were turned and he had to accept that he needed support sometimes too. But more than that, this is the first time we've really gotten inside Will's head. We've only ever really seen him from the perspective of Nico (his admirer) and Apollo (his affectionate father). But this time, we were able to get Will's thoughts, and he's... not as perfect as we expected. And I love it. No one is perfect, and I think that in the absence of more information on Will, people sort of developed headcanons of him that understandably made the TSATS version of him a bit jarring. But if he were this perfect pariah of a character, that would hardly be interesting. I really enjoyed that in the first half, he spent so much time complaining about the Underworld, because it just meant there were some lessons for him to learn as well. He's complex, just like the rest of the PJO cast.

Other Incongruent Thoughts

Guys, I'm dead. When we finally heard the fated prophecy, I was... really underwhelmed. It didn't feel like it was literarily as impressive in the same way the other prophecies had been. It just... wasn't very good poetry. But then Dionysus criticized the rhyme structure and called it "a bit forced" and I was like "Hang on..." Come to find out, Hades made up the prophecy to get Nico to go save Bob! Can you just imagine Hades sitting at a desk, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper, writing bad poetry that's convincing enough to get Nico off his butt and into Tartarus? I'm deceased.

The reunion between Nico, Maria, and Bianca BROKE me, y'all. I was full-on sobbing and my eyes were swollen this morning when I woke up. I was confused by how they were there, since past books said that they'd "moved on," insinuating they'd tried for rebirth. But I saw another post someone made about how Hades (or Bianca?) mentioned that they were the barest of essences remaining. I'm not saying it very well, but it made a lot more sense, and I hadn't caught that insinuation in my read-through. But I absolutely loved that we didn't get this reunion until after Nico had already accepted his trauma. If this meeting had come before, I'm sure he would have fought to "save" his mom and sister--I mean, he even says it in the book. But by that point, all he needed was to say his piece and get some closure, and that was enough for him. It was a mark of how much he's grown, and I just... *chef's kiss*

I love Hades. He's genuinely a good dad. Well... sort of. Maybe not at the beginning of PJO. But he, too, is changing his ways and taking more of an interest in his children. Or at least Nico. I wonder if we'll ever get more Hazel/Hades content? But Nico pretty much confirmed that Hades was around when he was a kid, and Hazel said the same thing in a previous book, which is more than pretty much every other demigod can say, so there you go. By Olympian standards, Hades deserves that #1 Dad mug.

I was really surprised that it took over half the book for Nico and Will to make it to Tartarus! Don't get me wrong, there was still plenty going on, but I was so used to the idea of Percy and Annabeth dropping in at chapter 2, it surprised me!

Anyone else peep the really big typo on page 401 of the US hardcover? "My mother is Bianca di Angelo, and she loved me and my sister." I stared at that for a long time last night wondering if I was going crazy, lolol. From what I've heard, the typo has already been fixed on the kindle version of the book, but those of us with physical copies have got the OG mistake. Whoops, lol!

I'm having a hard time discerning if the "'Dam it,' said Nico." on page 352 is a typo or not, for the pure and simple reason that there were so many dam jokes in PJO. And somewhere else in the book, Nico actually says "Damn," so... was it a typo? The 'dam' joke didn't really have a purpose for being there, and it wasn't repeated later, so I feel more like it might have been another typo?

We got a little Percy and Annabeth action! And Sally and Estelle! I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that Percy and Annabeth had already forgotten about Bob. Especially since Percy's whole growth in the House of Hades was to realize how many people he'd left behind. I never expected them to join Nico and Will in their Tartarus journey, but they apparently brushed him off so fast I got whiplash! What was that about? I wonder if we'll get more on that in the short story that comes out later this year?

We got a little mention of Damasen in this story as well, and obviously if he hasn't regenerated yet, there wasn't much they could do for him. But... I'm surprised that Percy and Annabeth didn't mention him or ask Nico to keep an eye out for him as well because he was there at the Doors of Death, making the same sacrifice as Bob. Will there be another Tartarus rescue mission in the future? Nemesis told Nico that any future journies into Tartarus would be unsuccessful. While I feel like it's unlikely we'll get any more Tartarus field trips, those little asides made me wonder if Rick Riordan's got more ideas floating around that he wanted to leave open for later, just in case.

They used the words gay, bisexual, and lesbian! I don't think this book series has ever done that before! I have a sneaking suspicion that this was part of Mark's contribution to the book. RR usually tends to talk around those words--he'll make it obvious, like when Apollo talked about his love for Hyacinthus, but I don't think Apollo ever actually used the word bisexual to describe himself (correct me if I'm wrong). I think that it was a really good step forward for children's literature. If you're going in, go all in, you know?

Lil Nas X made an unbelievable appearance! Lol! Though I have to admit, the inconsistency of the timeline of references sometimes gets me. Like many books ago, some character probably dropped a reference from ten years ago, and a year or two in book time, we get a Montero reference. Like, it's a small nitpick, but that inconsistency always pulls me out of the story a bit. Yeah, you heard right--I'm totally fine with the issues everyone else had with the books, but the weird timeline of references messes with me, lol. That's where I draw the line! That's not the say the Lil Nas X reference wasn't spectacular, though, lol.

Do I... like Mr. D now? I love Dionysus from the mythologies, but Mr. D was always so... blegh. But he's like legit a decent person to Nico. He shared his popcorn! That. Was. HUGE. Hahaha.

We finally got the full scoop on Nico's first trip to Tartarus!

The nickname "Night-Light" is endlessly adorable. And then Will ruins it by turning around and calling Nico "Death Boy" lol.

The trogs were never my favorite mythological creature ever, but they grew on me in this story.

So... Menoetes and Geryon, huh? Menyon? Geroetes? What's our ship name? Lol.

Will having the hots for Persephone was not on my bingo card, lol! I did really enjoy their talk, though. It really set up Will's character arc very nicely. And I loved that Persephone seems to be taking a leaf out of Hades' book and trying to be a bit kinder towards her stepchildren. It's not their fault, you know?

I'm seeing a lot of reactions to Nico's coming out story. I agree, that's one part I felt was a little bit forced. Introverted people can have moments where they're feeling brave and don't mind an audience (Hi, I'm exhibit A), I wouldn't say it's out of character per se. But it was a little bit... shall we say out of context? Since we didn't get the actual scene, but Nico and Will's recollection of it?

I really liked Gorgyra. The random chapters of stories from Nico and Will kind of jarred me a bit, but I think they were a nice touch, but would have been too much if they'd all been told chronologically. I agree with Rick and Mark's decision to split those up.

Amphithemis was a trip! I wish we could have lingered a bit more on Nico being upset at Will for tricking him away. I was glad that Nico at least asked Hades to free Amphithemis.

I saw some complaints that Nico and Will were super cringey around one another. To that, and as someone who's ace, I say... most couples are cringey around each other, particularly young couples. Nico and Will are still feeling out their relationship, and they don't have the years of friendship that Percy and Annabeth had that made their relationship so easygoing. I think Nico and Will's relationship is a bit more realistic in terms of first loves.

I loved the frank conversations about PTSD. I eat stuff like that up, because when I read it, I can just imagine someone else who really needs that sort of representation reading this book and finding comfort in characters like them.

And I'm literally out of space. I had no idea Tumblr had a character limit, but I hit it, lol. But if you got this far, thanks for reading!

[jovialmoonprincess]

AU: Journey to Redemption (Part 10)

Death By a Thousand Cuts - Part I

First Part. / The Winter Ball / Champagne Problems / Frost and Thorns / The Storm Within / In Silence, We Crumble / Loving him was Red / Paired Again / During the Storm / Death By a Thousand Cuts - Part I

Coriolanus Snow x Fem!reader

Summary: Clemensia's plan

Warning(s): None, enemy to lovers, back in time, destiny, Snow being in love, Snow being Snow, possible grammar and spelling mistakes

It was on a cold morning that Clemensia was summoned to Dr. Gaul's office. She was worried about what would happen, as the woman had attempted to assassinate her some time ago. She sat quietly and waited for Dr. Gaul to start the conversation, holding her breath.

"Rest easy, Miss Dovecote, today's matter has nothing to do with you." Clemensia settled into her seat with interest and some relief.

"Actually, I brought you here to learn a little more about Coriolanus's state. I've been very concerned about young Mr. Snow." Clemensia looked away, confused.

"You see, I've noticed some movement between him and Y/N lately. Something that didn't happen before, especially since I remember them competing fiercely during high school," Dr. Gaul continued, rising and gesturing calmly. "And the academic environment is made of this. After all, only one can be in first place. I confess I saw potential in the girl for a moment, but Mr. Snow was born to lead and won my affection from the first moment. This makes me feel responsible for ensuring that no external influence hinders him on this journey." Clemensia wondered if Dr. Gaul saw her as a threat as she saw Y/N, but she probably wouldn't be in this room if that were the case.

"Do you understand? Coriolanus never paid much attention to the ideological nonsense that Sejanus expressed," she changed to an expression of disgust. "But now, that girl. She might take advantage of a boy's feelings in adolescence to rise to power." Clemensia was finally understanding. Dr. Gaul feared that Y/N might create a strong bond with Snow with an interest in his future position.

"She's using him," the girl finally spoke with a weak voice. The doctor nodded. The girl was already excited about the idea that Dr. Gaul might be giving her permission to end Y/N. In fact, she saw the ideological sense in the doctor's words. She wanted Coriolanus not to get involved with Y/N because she was a revolutionary like Sejanus. Not as explicitly as him, but it was clear from afar that someone like her would be a danger to the Capital.

"The impudence of Y/N and Sejanus irritates me, and as the person responsible for the Hunger Games, I cannot let either of them get close to Coriolanus and influence him negatively." "I need a girl who is not afraid to take the lead in the games. One who is not weak and who understands the real meaning of all this," Dr. Gaul was now very close to Clemensia.

"And this is where you come in, my dear."

"How can I help?"

"Separate the two immediately, and who knows, one day you might be the First Lady of Panem," the tone was now more serious and cold. "Or watch the country's decline at the hands of people who advocate the overthrow of the districts," the doctor finished.

Clemensia walked through the school corridors, her mind working frantically as she tried to devise a plan to separate Y/N from Coriolanus. She knew it wouldn't be easy to manipulate the boy's feelings, but she was determined to do whatever was necessary to win him over. As she pondered her options, Clemensia remembered all the moments she had observed Coriolanus from afar, admiring his intelligence, determination, and beauty. She had always considered him a role model, both as a human being and as a student. Now, she saw an opportunity to turn that admiration into something more.

Upon leaving Dr. Gaul's room, Clemensia already had an initial outline of her plan. She knew she needed to get Coriolanus to collaborate with her in the scene she was going to set up for Y/N, but how to convince him to participate? The answer came to her when she thought about how to manipulate Coriolanus's emotions. She knew that Coriolanus cared deeply for Y/N and that it would be difficult to convince him to believe that Y/N no longer cared for him. But then, an idea emerged in her cunning mind: she could create a situation where Coriolanus would misinterpret Y/N's signals, leading him to believe that she was not who he thought she was.

Clemensia watched Y/N and Sejanus talking in the school cafeteria, but she knew that just a simple conversation would not be enough to arouse the jealousy she desired in Coriolanus. She needed something more dramatic, something that would leave an indelible mark on his mind. She knew that Y/N did not usually approach Coriolanus unless they were forced to, as in pair assignments. Now, this was normal. With a false smile, Clemensia broke the silence at the table,

"Coryo, you should see how close Y/N and Sejanus are now. It seems like they're having a lot of fun together. Maybe you're losing your place." Coriolanus, confused by the girl's statement, looked around for Y/N and Sejanus. The girl was laughing and chatting animatedly with the boy. He tried to dismiss the thought and just shrugged.

"I don't see anything different, the two are friends."

"Oh, I don't know, I think they would make a good couple. The two are kind of revolutionary, you know, they have a very similar history, right?" She ended by asking the other boys at the table. Everyone agreed, and the topic of the table became Sejanus and Y/N. Just as Clemensia wanted. When class started, Clemensia hurried to Dr. Gaul's room. She would ask for her help to continue her plan.

Y/N went to the bathroom, and when she returned to the classroom, she found a note in her place. It read: "Y/N, meet me in the auditorium immediately, it's important. - Sejanus." Confused but concerned about the urgent tone of the message, she headed to the indicated location, only to encounter Sejanus, as perplexed as she was about the situation.

"Y/N! What happened? Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. But what about you? Why did you call me here?" Y/N was lost.

"I didn't call you, you called me. You wrote this note here," Sejanus showed in his hand, the small note, identical to the one in her pocket. The only difference was his signature underneath. The revelation that neither of them had written the note left them perplexed and uneasy, not understanding what was happening.

"Let's go back to the classroom, it must have been just some bad taste joke," Sejanus concluded. Y/N was too confused, she had a bad feeling about this. But she followed the boy back to the classroom in silence.

They arrived in time for Dr. Gaul's class. They sat down, but before they could think more about the matter, they were surprised by a message from the principal over the loudspeakers: "Urgent: All students and teachers gather in the hall of the teachers' room." The tension in the air was palpable as everyone gathered at the indicated location. The principal, accompanied by some staff, had a somber expression as he revealed to everyone the terrible message, written in red ink in large letters, on the teachers' lockers:

"LIVE THE REVOLUTION AGAINST THE CAPITAL!! DOWN WITH THE GAMES!!"

The silence that followed was deafening, each gaze seeking answers amid the growing chaos.

----------

The silence that followed was deafening, each gaze seeking answers amid the growing chaos.

Taglist: @shari-berri @h-l-vlovesvintage @tea-bobba @daenerysqueenofhearts @commanderfreethatdust @glxzillx @write-from-the-heart @ireallydontcareanymorebrooo @junipercloud03 @larissareadings @qardasngan

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[crows-home]

Do you sometimes wonder if Maria had oldest daughter síndrome ™ and what was going through her head while they were haunting down his little baby brother who she never was able to protect and knows how poorly he is treated by everyone else but her ?

hooooo boy ok. i have so many thoughts about Maria Robotnik anon. You're lucky i have free time right now to ramble.

THIS ENDED UP SO MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD SORRY LMAOOOO

Maria is somewhat of a blank slate, no? at least, she was in the beginning. Her main purpose was "tragic backstory." and there's something to be said about girls/women in media and their only roles being support for the male characters and their arcs. but those are big conversations that other people are more verbose in digging into. also i'm sleepy.

Maria, to me, has always been a blank slate. If not, she's always been the "perfect, proper, glass child." Poor Maria, so soft-spoken, so kind, but sick. She died sacrificing herself, don't you feel bad for her?

i don't think Maria has eldest daughter syndrome. It's something adjacent, though. It's a suppression of emotions, especially negative ones, that can be seen as eldest daughter syndrome. It's the expectations that have been put on her, by herself, to be kind, be courteous, be good.

Because Maria has a terminal illness, perhaps since she was born. The people in her life care about her so much, her grandfather takes her to space because it lessens her condition, there is a massive project going on to save her life!!

Maria doesn't get to be sad. She doesn't get to be angry. She can't show any of these emotions, can't scream and cry about how unfair all this is, can't speak out against people talking like they've already lost her when she's right fucking here. She can't be "difficult". Because her family has given so much to her, for her. They're so sad when they look at her, she can tell. So, I think, Maria puts this pressure on herself. To smile and be happy and positive, so as to not worry or bother anyone.

Children do that, when they perceive themselves to be a burden. It doesn't matter if they're explicitly told that or not. Maybe the adults in their life tell them "God, taking care of you is so expensive. Do you know how much better things would be if you weren't here?" Or maybe their family is loving, but at the end of the day, they see their parents struggling to pay bills, struggling to put food on the table, and wonder "Is it because of me? Am I weighing them down?"

So they become what I like to call "low-maintenance." Never taking more than is needed, because they're hyper aware of the resources they're taking. They make sure to stay happy and agreeable, because they don't want to cause trouble or bother anyone.

In my head, this is where Maria was at. She was happy, sure! No doubt, she loved her family and her grandfather and she loved Earth so much, so desperately did she want to be a part of it.

But she could never talk about the ugly bits. About her anger and frustration and even the depressing thoughts.

I think she started to with Shadow.

Here's her little brother, this little guy that was born from a test tube to be her cure, but has a soul all his own. Who she could talk to about these tough things.

"I sometimes wonder why I was created," Shadow might say.

And Maria, her soul aching, understands.

They come to their own conclusions, on the ARK, about who they are. Shadow is treated like an experiment, a pet, a thing, rarely ever with respect. By most, except for Maria. Maria looks at Shadow and sees family.

With Shadow, she can be moody. She can be snappy. Shadow can be silly and as unserious as he wants without constantly being under the proverbial magnifying glass. They are siblings, that's what they do!!! They don't have to put up this front like they do in front of other people. They don't have to be perfect when they're around each other.

"I feel guilty," Maria might say. Her voice might quiver and shake, like she's admitting something damning. "For existing, sometimes."

Shadow, absolutely floored by the admission that his sister is not always happiness and sunshine, understands.

I love headcanons and aus where Maria is allowed to be just a Weird Little Girl or really get into what she might have been into (goth, macabre, art, etc.) It gives her depth. It gives her life.

So I imagine all this, all the ways this young girl kept herself amicable and calm and pleasant, because she's so afraid of being anything but. Then I imagine all of it coming away when she's with her brother.

Then I imagine her running down the hall, grabbing his hand as the alarms blare. She is filled with love and hope for a world that she was never sure she would get to see. But by God, Shadow will see it. I imagine that there was always the possibility of death looming over her life, and the bullet just sealed it. I imagine the guilt that she feels when she pushes the button that sends him down. I imagine the fear and sadness she feels at the thought of him being alone, ultimately knowing there's nothing she can do. But hoping it was enough.

[circa98s]

‧ ₊ ˚ ✧ › MUN: good afternoon, my dears! i'm k ( she/her, est, 21+ ), the writer behind han mila & shin eunbi. milas blog serves as my main, while eunbis is a side, so you'll most likely see me interact from this one more frequently ooc! if you'd like to plot over on discord, i'm happy to give that out upon request! ♡

‧ ₊ ˚ ✧ › MUSE: and now, meet han mila— 25 years old, a city girl who planted her roots in yuseong bay only 4 months ago, so she's a new resident. utilizing her marketing degree ( wow, fancy ), she currently works as a visual merchandiser at eclectique 33. you can find her wip stats page here!

when did your muse first arrive in yuseong bay? mila has only begun planting roots for herself in yuseong about four months ago ( so, essentially, at the very beginning of this year ).

what does an average day look like for your muse & where can they usually be found? the busiest of bees, mila can be seen fluttering around eclectique, as well as it's general vicinity, the majority of time— at least, during the day / general work hours. as mornings wind down into evenings and the sun begins to set, the blonde often takes refugee at the 88&bar, nursing cocktails of her choice as a way of keeping her frazzled thoughts at bay ( when i tell you this city girl is still trying to adjust to rural living amidst having her hallmark movie moment . . . pls help her ).

how does your muse feel about hanhwa resort? having no real frame of reference for what mild negativities a resort like hanhwa could be bringing to the local space and its primary inhabitants whose daily lives are now continuously altered, mila herself doesn't see the harm with how much attention it seems to be garnering. honestly, the urban crowds that filter in and out are a welcome familiarity.

is there an aspiration for your muse to stay in or leave yuseong bay? for the time being, mila has no real idea what she's looking for just yet— coming to yuseong had been a random, but conscious, choice, one made with the intention of being somewhere different. for now, four months in and still aspiring to find some sense of rthym for herself ( as hard as that'd currently been ), the thought of wanting to leave has yet to cross her mind.

list your muse’s three favorite songs. healing — fletcher. walking home — mac ayres. naked girl — iyla.

describe your muse’s wardrobe. flirty, girly, pastels. a soft romantic at heart, that aspect of her personality translates one for one in terms of her fashion.

what is a color, word, and emoji that you feel describes your muse? baby pink, ambitious, 🎀.

three strong likes and dislikes for your muse. likes — floral perfumes, early mornings, staying busy. dislikes — creative ruts, the stench of fish, root regrowth.

three positive and negative traits for your muse. positives — sweet, upbeat, extroverted. negatives — impulsive, workaholic, judgy.

three talents and shortcomings for your muse. having a knack for connecting with others, a skill she'd already had since childhood that only got stronger with time, mila can make an acquaintance out of anyone. open, ready to talk about anything and everything, there's not a single person she'd ever found herself intimidated by enough to keep her distance. often times, it's this very facete of herself that leads to a decline in energy by the days end, her social batteries quick to recharge after quiet evenings, and even then, she'll often find herself engaging in conversations past her moods expiration simply because that's what she's always done. mild eye bags and all that'll be gone come time to wake up the next morning, mila engages with a smile.

what is a book/tv series/movie/video game character that you feel your character relates to? without question, elle woods has always been a role model, a character mila strives make proud.

a relevant goal or arc for your character to overcome. finding balance, not just within herself, but in this new daily life she's found for herself.