#im tired of many things im disclosing for no reason other than how it makes ppl act up and the neurotic behaviours that makes me exhibit

[wolfcrunch]

"Took a child from his mother"??? I dont remember deku getting kidnapped by all might maybe i missed a chapter lmao ✋😭💀

Anyway, its not like All might or Endeavor are perfect but thats what makes them good characters. Theyre both trying to be better in their own ways and theyre starting from different points, but saying theyre the same just doesnt make sense. How is endeavors abuse equal to all might hiding things?? Sure the overall end result of both things is huge but theyre not the same. I guess you could argue the root of their actions is the same if you look at it as both of them doing what they believe is right to achieve their end goals. endeavor wanting to surpass all might and all might wanting to protect deku for as long as possible but the courses they take are drastically different, and the root being the same doesnt automatically make them the same either. I said before that the impact both things have are huge bc they are, but they're not the same either. Endeavor fucked up his entire family and hero society (through dabi) and All might is leaving deku to pick up the pieces and fix what he couldnt. I would compare all might and endeavor like you would compare coins in that they both made mistakes for specific reasons (being coins) but one went about those mistakes in a more extreme manner (worth different amounts) so like all might is a nickel where endeavor is a dime - if that makes sense? Also sorry if thats long and confusing im extremely tired and not good at putting points/an argument together. I really like your stuff and i just wanted to put my two cents in :) keep up the great work!!

right? like there must be some secret chapter we’re all missing for izuku to be taken from his mother...... but this is pretty much it!

i feel like some fans - such as ones who claim all might as as bad, if not worse than endeavor - think that other fans who adore him think he’s a perfect, upstanding citizen and flawless when he isnt. horikoshi makes all of his characters flawed, and all might is no exception. all might has struggled in the past with not being a good teacher, knowing he has placed izuku in danger and feeling guilty about it. he decided to live, at kamino, for izuku, and to become a better teacher for him. all might could have never guessed everything leading up to now, with the new powers within ofa and the war where izuku and many others were gravely injured, and hero society itself crumbling. he contributes to issues, but he’s not someone you can solely blame. and he has issues even right now (possibly holding back information about the fourth holder), and fans do wish he wouldn’t. but its possible he has reasons he thought are good enough, if it be to protect izuku from something gruesome or maybe because hes just not ready to disclose it. it could also feed into how all might is not great at disclosing secrets in general, his position of number one for so long and having to hide ofa contributing to that trait of his. it isnt great, it just makes him flawed like all humans are.

he’s made mistakes, but like you said they aren’t comparable, endeavor’s actions were much more extreme... as a fan of both characters, it baffles me how some people will defend endeavor to such an extent, that they try to water his actions down,.. to make all might seem worse, or to go “see, what endeavor did wasn’t so bad”.. because it is. he hurt and abused his family for his own selfish desires. and while he has become aware of the pain he has inflicted, it doesn’t erase what he did. wish some ppl could like characters like endeavor without defending them to such an extreme. its fine to admit your favourite is also a horrible person - and unfortunately, its a trend in several characters. (bakugou and the villains, namely). i think its fine to compare them in the sense that they’re both people and teachers who have made errors in regards to children they’re responsible of, and are trying to change that, but the actions themselves cant be compared since they’re not on the same scale.

really, the only thing this person got right was all might’s tendency to hide secrets and how he shouldnt - which i think many of us agree with. they really came out and said all might forced his dream onto a young child and caused him to be so reckless, disregarding the fact that being a hero was izuku’s dream. being reckless is something he always was. all might just gave him the chance to enter the unthinkable world to a quirkless child. and while perhaps he could’ve had a talk with deku regarding his own safety... a lot of times where deku is hurt to such an extent, all might doesn’t know. its often part of a result due to izuku running off on his own, and not telling many if any people. all might isnt always aware of where deku is 24/7

he wasn’t prepared or planning for deku to be so involved in everything at such a young age. perhaps its partially an oversight on his part... but in no regard should that be held to the exact same standard of endeavor abusing and traumatizing his family. both all might and endeavor, as people, have recognized their faults, one person’s sins being much more extreme than the other.

[winterscaptain]

transfer request. part three.

read part one here and part two here

a/n: this one contains smut because im insufferable so if you’re not 18+, i love you but you gotta stick to part one :) i’m so happy i got the muse for another part to this. i have a request or two in my inbox that i’m working on, but feel free to drop some more!

AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Open!

+++

Y/N’s nerves settle as Aaron steps out of the assistant director’s office, closes the door behind him, and flashes her a soothing smile. He offers YN a hand. She takes it and rise, ready for her portion of the evaluation. 

“I’m going to get Jack from school, and we’ll be waiting for you when you get home.” 

She hums, and squeezes his hand. Her heart’s been racing all morning, and she’s barely been able to focus on the consults piling up on her desk. Didn’t people have better things to do than hurt women in their free time?

Sensing her anxiety, Aaron leans close to her ear and she suppresses a shiver. “I warmed them up for you. You’ll be great.”  He presses a quick, casual kiss to her temple. “It’s just a formality – they know everything they need to.” 

He releases her as their interim section chief opens the door. So much had happened in the four months between the transfer request and the hearing to address it. The most extreme of which were the death of Erin Strauss and their recent move to the newly-purchased house on the river between Quantico and D.C. It had been hectic, but they were happy to finally know whether Y/N would stay with their work family or not. 

When she steps in and sits down, the assistant director looks friendly, albeit tired. 

“Good afternoon, Agent.” The director flips a page on his legal pad, and she catches Aaron’s name among his notes. 

“Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon, Chief Leon.” She acknowledges both men with a smile. The interim chief is new to Quantico, but comes well-recommended. 

“Thank you so much for coming in with your consult list so long. It is appreciated.” 

Not that I had a choice. “No problem, sir. I’m excited to get things settled after...everything.” 

“That makes two of us,” Chief Leon says. “Your fortitude and professionalism does not go unnoticed, and I’ve appreciated your welcome as I’ve settled into the interim role.” 

She’s not sure, but it sounds like he put a little too much emphasis on interim. Letting it go, she reminds herself that she’s not here to profile but rather to discuss a rapidly-approaching marriage to one Agent Aaron Hotchner. “I’m so glad, sir. I think I can speak for the team when I say the BAU is proud to be under your leadership, no matter how temporary or permanent.” 

The assistant director finally finds his footing in his notes and looks up. “Alright, to the situation at hand. How long have you been in a relationship with Agent Hotchner?” 

Over breakfast that morning, she and Aaron had bounced their answers off each other, just to make sure everything was lined up for the bureaucratic nightmare that was a formal hearing. “Just over two years, now.” 

“Did you disclose your relationship at the time of its inception?” 

“No, sir.” It hurt to admit the flagrant policy violation, but it seemed reasonable at the time. 

“You are aware that this is not bureau policy, especially seeing as Agent Hotchner is your unit chief.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

There’s a pause, and the two men look at each other. Interim Chief Leon takes over. “Because we have evidence that your conduct in the field remained unaffected, we have decided to overlook that policy violation. Your team has also advocated for you – Agent Morgan specifically remarking on your,” he checks his notes, “admirable dedication to the team and the support you offer to your unit and unit chief in high-intensity field operations. Agent Jareau spoke of your compassion and patience with the families of victims, and Dr. Reid emphasized the importance of your skillset with children and adolescent psychology. Agent Prentiss also complimented your cohesive work style and support of your unit chief, even in disagreements. Your team is very loyal, and you should be very proud.”

“Thank you, sir.” The tone and company in the room require short and simple answers, but she so wants to defend her decision to maintain the privacy of their relationship. She laces her hands in her lap to keep from fidgeting. 

“I am continually impressed with the results of the BAU’s fieldwork, and desire to disrupt the team as little as possible so you may continue your high-performance in the field.” The assistant director’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“You are to remain on assignment with the BAU until the re-evaluation of your contract in...” He checks the copy of your contract underneath his legal pad. “three years and four months.” 

Remain on assignment? “Thank you, sir.”

Everyone stands, then, and she shakes hands with both men before leaving the assistant director’s office. 

If I’m staying, and Aaron didn’t say anything about leaving, then who’s flying the plane? 

+++

When she steps into the house, she can hear Aaron and Jack playing video games in the playroom. The sun had yet to set, and she revels in the rare opportunity to share daylight with her family. 

Y/N leans against the doorframe as Jack continues to slaughter Aaron in Mario Kart. They’re both sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding the same posture right down to the slight tilt of their heads to the left. 

They still don’t notice her after about ten minutes, so she flops down and stretches her torso across Aaron’s lap so her head falls into Jack’s. Jack’s little hands immediately fall into her hair, fingers tangling in whatever he can find.

Aaron lets the controller drop to the floor and stretches his hands to cover a broad swath of her abdomen. His fingers reach from her hip to just under the underwire of her bra.  

“What kind of trouble are you getting up to in here?” 

Jack giggles and she smiles up at him. He’s upside down from this angle, but he’s still the cutest boy in the world. 

“Daddy sucks at Mario Kart.”

Aaron’s hair flops into his eyes as he releases her and reaches over you to tickle Jack. “Hey!” 

Y/N laughs and rolls over onto the floor, snatching Jack away from his father by the waist. “C’mon Jack! Run!” 

Jack grabs her hands and they run down the hallway, Aaron hot on their heels. Both she and Jack are crying with laughter at this point, and she stumbles as they turn into the living room, slipping on the hardwood in her socks. 

Aaron takes advantage of her momentary weakness and pounces, caging her in his arms as he tackles her to the couch. Jack jumps on the both of them, and they rest there for a moment, Aaron half on-top of her with her head pillowed on his arm and Jack clinging to Aaron’s back. 

The huge couch was a good investment. 

“Hey, Y/N, wanna know something cool?” Jack’s little head tips up and she brushes some caramel hair out of his eyes. It seems to get darker by the day. He needs a haircut. “Always! You know how much I love cool stuff.” 

“Dad said he got a new job and that he doesn’t have to go away so much and he’ll pick me up from Aunt Jessica’s every night before dinner.” 

She raises her eyebrows and brings a hand to Aaron’s hair. His head is burrowed in her shoulder, absolutely hiding from her prying gaze. “Oh?” 

“He also said he and Uncle Dave would help coach my soccer team and I said you can do that now because you have a ring like the other moms.” 

That draws a smile from her, and she pulls both of her Hotchner boys close, squeezing them and kissing their heads. “Let’s get dinner on, my loves.” 

+++

When Aaron tucks Jack into bed that night, she hangs back at the door. There is nothing quite like watching Aaron with Jack. They’re like different-sized versions of the same person, though there is a good deal of Haley in him. His smile, especially – wide and friendly – reminds Y/N of her often. The framed photos around the house are the strongest recollections of her. Y/N's favorite sits on the mantle with a dried rose from the funeral. It was the first thing she and Aaron unpacked, and Aaron spent many minutes standing before it, barefoot, with her tucked under his arm. 

“Do you think she would be happy?” Y/N had asked. 

He nodded, wordlessly. “She told me she was when I coded in surgery last year.”

She looked up at him, swallowing thickly when she remembered how close they were to losing him. 

Aaron snorted, changing the tone. “She also told me I’d be a fool and an idiot to let you go. She wasn’t surprised when I told her I already knew that.” He adopts her countenance for a moment, imitating her. “Well of course you know, Aaron. Knowing and doing are two very different things.” 

Y/N greets that picture every time she walks into the house. Haley, Jack, and Aaron from a decade ago smile back at her. It was their first picture taken as a family: Jack was barely three months old. The newest family photo sits beside it, Y/N’s eight-week (and most recent) ultrasound photo stuck haphazardly into the frame. 

As Aaron leans up, she crosses to Jack’s bedside and kneels. The boy reaches for her, and she gathers him into a hug. “How much do I love you, my Jack?” 

“More than the whole world,” he says, rote. She had shared that exchange with him long before she and Aaron started seeing each other, and they found it silly to stop now. 

She breathes him in, kissing his temple and tucking him back in. 

When she and Aaron finally rise and turn the light off, Jack is nearly asleep. 

Safe within the confines of the bedroom they share, she raises her eyebrows at Aaron as she removes her shirt to change into pajamas. His eyes catch on her lace-clad chest and she takes the opportunity to change the subject. “New job?” 

He huffs and flops on the bed, his shirt only half-unbuttoned, belt in-hand and slacks unzipped. “I didn’t expect him to spring that on you.” 

She sits on the opposite edge of the bed and slips her pants off, leaving her only in your matching “I’m going into a scary meeting” set of underwear. Today may have been the last day she could wear them for a while. She leans back, landing next to him and carding her fingers through his hair.

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

“They offered me the section chief position,” he mumbles into the comforter. 

“Aaron! That’s huge!” She shoves at his shoulder and he groans, rolling on his side. She’s almost distracted by the adoring, soft look in his eyes. “Are you going to take it?” 

“I asked for the week to decide, but it was just a formality. It’s time, I think, to be home with Jack more.” He reaches up, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “And I wanted to keep you on the team.” 

She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. 

“The pay increase certainly doesn’t hurt, either,” he adds with a laugh. 

She makes herself busy with the remaining buttons on his shirt, and ruck up the tails from his slacks. “Do you get to keep your office? Who’s the new unit chief?” 

He laughs again. So many questions. “No, Emily gets my office as the new unit chief under my recommendation. But I get to keep the furniture.” 

“Emily?!” Her rapid blush overrides the excitement for her friend. A smirk crosses her face. Aaron’s mirrors yours, and they’re both thinking of one particular late night on the desk a few weeks ago. “That’s good at least. I’d like to be able to sit at her desk and look her in the eye at the same time.” He kisses her soundly. “That would be useful.” 

She reaches for him and wiggles into the middle of the bed. “I’ll miss you.” She grins against his mouth. “I’ll miss you in that vest, too.” 

He rises fully then, removing the rest of his clothes. She lifts her arms above her head, reaching for him across the bed, looking at him upside-down. He roughly grabs her wrists and firmly tugs her closer to him. 

She finds herself quickly surrounded by him, not an inch of her skin left untouched by kisses and caresses. 

+++

When he’s finally inside her, and they breathe and kiss and laugh together, they can finally relax. She’s home, he’s home. The life they share together will be one marked with joy, with patience, with understanding. 

“I love you,” she says with a gasp as he pushes deep into her, her back arching under him. 

“There aren’t words, my love. None.” 

He pushes her to your climax with a thumb on her clit, buried deep within her. She sinks her teeth into his shoulder. He follows quickly with a few sloppy thrusts. He doesn’t move even after a few minutes, still completely blissed-out, and she laughs.  

She kisses his sweaty forehead, her fingers still tangled in his hair. “So do I get to call you Chief Hotchner when I’m mad at you now?” 

He laughs, but it’s cut short by his groan and her hitch in breath when he finally pulls out of her. He takes a moment to recover, pressing his forehead to her chest. “I think,” he says after a moment, “you can stick to Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Benjamin Hotchner, Juris Doctorate for occasions like those.”

At her giggle, he continues. 

“While a mouthful, it’s quite effective at getting my attention.” 

“I’m so glad to hear that. I would hate to know I’m losing my touch.”

They tuck themselves neatly under the covers, not bothering to clean up. It’s laundry day tomorrow, after all. When she curls against his chest, he covers her hand where it rests over his heart. 

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrry-ixn @ange-must-die

[interestingbread]

Gay Wong, Wong Gay

okay okay hear me out: Wong is hella gay, head over heels for Stephen, and slowly overcoming his denial and internalized homophobia.

I mean, look at his dedication for Stephen!! This is the guy who has spent his entire life in his service while solely wanting Stephen to be as happy and healthy as possible.

While it could be platonic, it makes more sense to me that Wong let their relationship have such an unequal dynamic because while he loved Stephen, he was also A) completely in denial, and B) thought of himself as “lesser” because of his sexuality and felt like the only way for him to justify being close to Stephen and taking care of him was by acting as his housekeeper. In addition, his internalized homophobia prevented him from seeing himself as equal to the subject of his affection.

He was never jealous of Clea, either, because he could see how happy she made Stephen, and that was all that Wong really wanted. But he also was still 100% in denial (lmao) and didn’t even consider the possibility.

All of this comes to a head when the woman he’s engaged to dies during a mystical accident. He’s close to Imei Chang, obviously, but her death sends him reeling for a different reason. Although he “blames” Stephen for causing Imei’s death, citing that as the reason for abandoning him, Wong knows that it’s not Stephen’s fault. But he is angry; mad at himself for loving Stephen the way he should have loved Imei, and mad at Stephen for being the object of his affection.

He runs away because this is the first time he’s truly come to realize his own sexuality. He knows that there’s nothing wrong with being gay, but... it wasn’t supposed to be him. Wong keeps skeleton-Imei around because he’s still clinging to the last vestiges of heternormativity, mourning both the loss of a close friend but also his perception of himself as straight.

Stephen helps Wong get closure about Imei’s death, but Wong still doesn’t feel ready to tell Stephen the *real* reason why he’s so upset: he’s still reeling from his self-realization, and he doesn’t want to disclose anything to Stephen because A) he’s still very new to the idea of not being straight, and B) Wong cares A LOT about Stephen, who is a hot mess 99% of the time and Wong doesn’t want to “burden him” with his own emotional trauma.

So life goes on as normal, until Zelma shows up. By this point, Wong has been able to get to a better place regarding himself, but it hasn’t been easy. But Wong sees the way Stephen looks at Zelma: platonically. Like a close friend. And Wong realizes that that’s exactly the way Stephen looks at him.

It’s the combination of Wong being in a better place emotionally and the simple fact of Stephen’s incredibly close (and 100% platonic) relationship with Zelma (and how many times has Stephen managed that, lol) that helps Wong come to this realization.

And so Wong leaves to do some soul-searching. Of course, he’s not ready to tell Stephen anything, so he makes up a bullshit excuse (he may be a little subconsciously salty that Stephen doesn’t reciprocate his feelings) and heads out, eventually becoming the manager of Hotel Inferno. (Of course, Stephen blames himself for Wong leaving.)

The thing is, though, Wong isn’t the only one with toxic, internalized homophobia (or biphobia, in this case.) Stephen, while more open with himself regarding sexuality, still thinks in the hetero/homo binary, and defaults towards thinking of others as straight. He assumes Wong is straight (I mean, he did get engaged to a woman) and is still incredibly broken up about Clea, so he’s never even really begun to consider Wong in a romantic light.

Personally I’m invested in the idea of Wong asking Stephen out for coffee (after the months of radio silence.) Stephen is incredibly nervous, but Wong knows what he’s going to say (having rehearsed several times.) Wong tells Stephen: “I’m gay, and I’m in love with you,” answering all of Stephen’s questions. At first, Stephen gives off the “wow im so flattered” straight guy vibes, and Wong thinks that this is it. Inwardly, he’s disappointed, but largely accepting. This is what he thought would happen, and he’s already come to terms with that. As he starts to make towards leaving, Stephen grabs his arm and says: “wait.”

“I love you too. But...”

“Not like that?” Wong guesses.

“I’ve just never thought about it before,” Stephen says. “But I could learn. I could learn to love you... like that.”

“This has to be something you want too, Stephen,” Wong reminds him.

“I want to want it,” he replies.

But not only is Stephen conflicted because of his burgeoning realization regarding his sexuality, but also because he still loves Clea. He loves her with everything he has. Stephen is a curse, doomed to hurt whoever he loves, and he’s already hurt Clea so much. He wants happiness, and he knows he could find it in Wong. But would that be right? To let Wong get hurt just so Stephen could be happy?

Stephen is so, so tired. He’s terrified he doesn’t deserve Clea anymore. And even though he wants Wong, what would it mean about his relationship with Wong if he let himself hurt Wong but not Clea?

But Wong knows Stephen, maybe better than he knows himself. And even though he’s let his own feelings get in the way of his perception of Stephen before, he knows exactly what he’s thinking right now.

“Listen, Stephen. You make me happy,” Wong pledges.

“When you’re happy, I’m happy. When I’m with you, I’m happy.”

Wong knows that Clea feels the same way, but that’s for her to tell Stephen. He’s never been in a romantic relationship with Stephen (or, at least one that wasn’t one-sided,) but he’s been watching them love each other since the very beginning. Their relationship is complicated by distance and Stephen’s self-loathing, but it’s also theirs. Maybe they will be able to reconcile. Maybe they won’t. But they’ll still love each other, and they’ll still find their own paths to happiness regardless of whether their paths will once again become one.

Slowly, cautiously, Stephen leans over the booth. He looks uncertain, and uncomfortable, and his turgid eyes reflect endless sorrow. But Wong smiles, placid and reassuring. He will always be willing to wait for Stephen, if Stephen is willing to come to him. They cup each other’s cheeks and engage in a chaste, heartfelt kiss.

Also, this is a way that Wong’s master/servant dynamic with Stephen in the older comics can be explained/represented without “back in the day, we had *racism*” of course, it’s still unhealthy, but it also gives us the opportunity of depicting romantically queer characters coming to terms with themselves while also combating internalized queerphobia, something that’s familiar for myself and most likely many readers. The ending may be a bit unrealistic; Stephen most likely has to have a better relationship with himself before romancing Wong, but it would still be very cute and still in character.

And, you know, on the other hand: Stephen/Wong. But on the other: Stephen/Clea. While I’d like to entertain the possibility of a polyamorous relationship, I feel like while both Clea and Wong love Stephen, they don’t ~love~ each other in that way. They could certainly figure it out, but I don’t think they’d be willing to force a love purely for Stephen’s sake (and Stephen would never let them do that anyways.) I could see them setting up an arrangement where Stephen is with Wong on Earth, and with Clea in the Dark Dimension, but idk if that would really work out. Anyways, Stephen has Wong readily available, so.

While the sheer volume of internalized queerphobia may be uncharacteristic for Marvel, it makes sense to the characters, in my opinion. Stephen was raised in rural Nebraska, and Wong was raised in... well I assume rural Tibet, but his name is also very Han Chinese. Also, Stephen (according to some interpretations) was born in 1930 and is currently 5,090 years old, so it would make sense given the time period they were raised in.

And I mean; am I projecting? yes. but is it therapeutic to write out? also yes

[chaosbcrne]

alright, i said i would come back to this once i’d made up my mind on how i planned to move forward after all that i learned and realized in the past week or so. frankly, not wanting to leave all that up in the air is the only reason im actually doing so. because im tired and i really want no more part of this, whatever it is.

if you’re also tired of this topic or, better yet, don’t even know what im referring to, just do yourself a favor and scroll right past this post. i don’t mean for this to be twisting the knife or reigniting some kind of discourse that (from what i can tell) died down. i just want to bring this to a conclusion on my end.

basically, this’ll boil down to something similar to what i said over on this post almost two months ago. a lot happened between then and now that distracted me from the decision and changes i had chosen to make back then, but all that’s happened recently just confirmed that it was really the way to go, and that i shouldn’t concern myself with anything else.

im not responsible for the atmosphere in this community. no one single person is, no matter how active or popular. i let myself feel like it was my duty to make people feel accepted, to spread the good vibes i was getting from people for a few weeks before the cold settled in, to promote being more inclusive and all around be a good influence. and i still wish i could, but i can’t. it’s not realistic. this is still a hobby for me, it’s something that’s meant to be fun, i have limited time and energy and motivation to invest in this and preferences that will necessarily leave some people getting the short end of the stick. that’s just how it is. and i shouldn’t let myself be pressured into being responsible for everyone’s good time. my friends’ and my own are plenty to keep busy with as it is.

so to all those of you who’ve gone on that blog or just related to the many people who said they were feeling left out, overlooked, that they couldn’t feel this so called love/positivity supposedly spread throughout the community - make it so. the community is not something definite that’s universal to everyone. it’s what each and everyone of us make it. it’s an experience unique to each person composing it. it’s the people we surround ourselves with, the people we see on the dash, interact with, the people whose stuff we read whenever we come online. your community experience is in your hands.

so get out there. approach people. suggest ideas. work at it. unfollow the people whose attitude put you off or make you uneasy, surround yourself with those you want to interact with, and communicate. be vocal about what you want to do with them. stop waiting for others to notice you. yes, i know it’s harder for some than others. not just because of anxiety or different methods and whatnot. i know some people have inherently a harder time standing out, multi-muses, ocs, duplicates, i know it’s hard and i know it feels unfair. but ultimately, no single person can change that - except maybe you. you chose to take that path. you can’t expect people to set aside everything they’ve already got going to make room for you. it’s your responsibility to get yourself out there and take your place.

because at the end of the day, even those who have it ‘easier’ from your perspective, even those who have lots of partners to write with and cool stuff going - they’ve all worked for it. their choices in muses or talent with graphics or prior friendships might have made things easier than they are for you, but no one here was just handed their success. so be respectful, and understand that even if it looks like people have it easy, chances are there was a time where they had struggles similar to yours.

as far as im concerned, this is what im moving forward with. im turning the page on all this drama right this moment, and taking on a fresh perspective. im very content with everything i have going here, and everything i have to look forward to. and i will always keep an open mind for new people, new possibilities. but i will no longer tear myself apart to try and please everyone and pay attention to everything. my level of activity and my supposed popularity do not change the fact that this is a hobby for me, and in no way should become some form of responsibility.

i’ve come to realize in the past couple of weeks that there’s a few of people who are set on seeing me in a bad light, no matter how much i insist that i want to learn and improve as a person and invite people to message me if they have any concerns or if i do anything they consider iffy or problematic. and frankly, im done feeling like it’s my responsibility to fix that. im done trying to guess what i could do better or trying to cater to people who just decided they weren’t going to like me no matter what. for the last time, if you have a problem with me, you’re very welcome to message me so that we may talk things out. i swear so long as there’s mutual respect i’ll always be as civil as possible and never disclose our discussions to other people. but otherwise ?

I’m no longer on bad terms with anyone. I’m declaring it. Dislike me by yourself. I wish you the best.

[bigskydreaming]

Everybody believes and supports survivors until the second a survivor accuses someone they’re close to. Without fail. Every single goddamn time.

That last reblog...fuck. I’m so mad for that OP I’m shaking. There’s nothing new about their post and that’s what hurts the most. That convo they posted was the same song and dance every single survivor who knows one of their abusers or rapists knows by heart and has heard so many times before they can say the words along with the person they try and confide in.

Doesn’t matter how loud someone is in saying all the right things about believing and supporting survivors, how vehement they are about hating rapists and abusers, how much they present themselves as someone SAFE to be around. The second you accuse someone THEY’VE always felt safe and comfortable around, they will always, always, ALWAYS find a way to tell you you’re wrong and don’t know what you’re talking about, you misremembered or read too much into things or got confused or mistook them for someone else or it wasn’t REALLY rape or abuse or a million fucking things that aren’t actually I SUPPORT YOU. I BELIEVE YOU. THE WAY I’VE CLAIMED TO ALL THIS TIME, MAKING YOU THINK YOU COULD ACTUALLY TELL ME THIS.

And then non-survivors all wonder why so few of us disclose, why so few of us come to you, confide in you, do the exact fucking thing we know will always end the exact fucking way BECAUSE THATS THE WAY IT ALWAYS FUCKING GOES, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SWEAR ‘I’M NOT LIKE THAT.’

And people wonder why I’m so goddamn VITRIOLIC about abuse and rape apologism in fandoms, and so goddamn adamant about not encouraging people to forgive and move on, and so fucking insistent on holding ppl accountable, whether fictional characters or celebrities or random fucking posters, for shit they’ve done even years before, not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ve changed and grown and learn from their lesson, like why am I so sure they’re still like that, ‘you don’t know’.

Except yeah. I do. Because its all so fucking predictable. The sheer number of times I’ve heard variations of that same exact combo since the first time I tried to confide in someone growing up about the shit my mom did to me....I honestly can not count. I can name less than five people I’ve confided in over the twenty five years or so since then who ACTUALLY made me feel safe in doing so, who just sat there and shut up and didn’t try to do or say anything other than “I’m sorry you had to live that, I’m sorry that happened to you.” But I couldn’t even BEGIN to tell you the number of times I’ve tried to open up with people about the shit that hurt me, that terrified me, that traumatized me, only to have them turn around and with ‘good intentions’ awkwardly try and mitigate it and dilute it and water it down or reframe it or give her the benefit of the doubt AS THOUGH ITS THEIR PLACE TO DO SO because she’s my mom and you all just can’t fucking HANDLE living in a world where moms do that shit to their kids. But you still expect ME to, without any of that much vaunted ‘belief and support’ you’re always going on and on and ON about, while you keep living in fantasy land where actually, what actually happened was she was just trying her best and it wasn’t her fault and it was all just bad dreams and remembering shit wrong because who really remembers stuff from when they were kids anyway? LOLOLOL. Fun fact. Once you know what a wire hanger feels like after its been heated on a stove, THATS NOT SOMETHING YOU EVER FUCKING FORGET.

And its exhausting. So. FUCKING. Exhausting.

Like the true, honest to god reason I don’t have any fucking chill when it comes to judging people for characters they stan for or the arguments they make in defense of abusive characters or how people will go to fucking hell and back to defend their right to enjoy their precious noncon rape fantasy smut in peace?

I’ll be totally fucking honest with you, on some fucked up level that I acknowledge is unfair but I just honestly don’t give a fuck - its a test. I admit it. It is. Because at this point in my life, this far into it, this many times listening to the same shit play out any and every single time it comes up, I fundamentally do not trust, do not feel safe, or secure, or capable of fully relaxing, around anyone unless and until I’ve seen them willing to sacrifice something. Give up something or someone, a character or celeb or friend or relative who they formerly were close to or took comfort in or spoke highly of, because that character or celeb or whomever did something that was a dealbreaker, hurt someone or said or did something that made them go you know what, enough, that’s too far, no amount of joy or comfort or security I formerly felt because of this character or person can justify this thing they did, I can see that and this is me actually DOING something with that acknowledgment.

It doesn’t have to be for my benefit, doesn’t have to be for a reason I personally agree with, whatever, it just needs to be SOMETHING. Something visible, something real. Not just hating certain characters or celebs or people, but ones who once meant something to you, something that says.....I used to think this person or this character or this celeb was good and I could like them or even love them and be comfortable and safe around them.....but then someone told me otherwise and I BELIEVED THEM. I SUPPORTED THEM. I. PICKED. THEM.

Because without that, it just is what it is. I don’t care if its not rational, or fair, I just don’t. Twenty five years of the same broken record, I’m tired. I’ve heard “I believe, I support” to the accompanying tune of actions that say the exact opposite so many fucking times it does honestly take a shock to the system, the goddamn JOLT of actually SEEING the proof that at least once, you DID believe someone, you DID do something with that belief, for me to actually think oh fuck, they actually mean it this time instead of oh look, a person who gets off to rape fic is reblogging a ‘look how much I support survivors, Im such a good person’ ego-stroke again.

You can say all you want oh its just fiction, it doesn’t mean anything that I stan this abusive character or this celeb I don’t know, if a person in my REAL LIFE came to me and said this other person I know hurt them, I’d believe THEM, that’d be totally different....but its NOT. Its not remotely and I dont know how so many ppl actually buy this shit coming out of their own mouths cuz if it doesnt really matter cuz its a fictional character or a celeb you dont even know and you STILL cant bear to give up whatever enjoyment you get out of them once its pointed out hey that person or character you enjoy is a fucking rapist....then how the FUCK do you delude yourself you’d be able to give up a person you’ve spent any length of time trusting and being comfortable around in your real, personal life, if someone else disclosed to you that they fucking abused or raped them??? YOU WOULDN’T. AND I KNOW YOU WOULDN’T, BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU GUYS SAY IN DEFENSE OF THESE CELEBS OR THESE PEOPLE ARE THE EXACT WORDS I’VE HEARD SAID OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

So many of you act like you think there’s this magical fucking SIGN you expect to get from on high, if shit like this ever happened in real life, that would magically distinguish it as an OH SHIT THIS TIME ITS FOR REAL moment, like okay NOW its make it or break it time, NOW it matters. And survivors keep telling you over and over again it ALWAYS matters. EVERY TIME you say this shit it ALWAYS matters, because what you’re always saying is what EVERYONE says.....”if I try hard enough, I can find SOME WAY to excuse this shit, so I don’t have to lose anything here, so I can keep going through life exactly as I have been.”

Somehow, some way, it always plays out the same....the SECOND we do or say something that puts someone on the spot, makes them CHOOSE, who will I believe, who will I support.....they always, always, ALWAYS find a way to support the other person, to make you the easy one to discard and toss away, like you’re the problem, you’re the enemy for making them choose in the first place.

Ugh. Fuck it. Whatever. I’m tired and gotta get back to work anyway. Not to be bitter or resentful, but that’s what happens when you’ve got no family as a support system cuz you ‘alienated’ them all by spending most of your life hating them for making you spend every Tuesday night alone with the woman they’ll still never admit abused you every week like clockwork til you finally fucking put your foot down and fucking revolted when you were ten, lmao.

[justanotherboyinblue]

65 Questions You Aren’t Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?        nope!

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?       maybe like a 0.3

3. The person you would never want to meet?       any person in any form of the government ever they’re Scary

4. What is your favorite word?      love, for more than just sappy reasons i promise akgjb

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?       cherry

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?      the only time i look in the mirror is when i wash my hands so i don’t really Look In The Mirror. i thought i looked nice, by that my hair was greasy lmao

7. What shirt are you wearing?      dark gray cub cadet

8. What do you label yourself as?     C on f u s ed

9. Bright room or dark room?       dim room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?       uhhhhhh i had just finished watching. something with mother 

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?         i haven’t really had one? each year has been better than the last

12. Who told you they loved you last?        Alexis, because No❤️️ my mother doesnt count

13. Your worst enemy?        boredom

14. What is your current desktop picture?        a screenshot of my friend Ryver standing on top of a minecraft build with a sign that says massive shmeat because Obviously

15. Do you like someone?       i do! two someones actually but the second most likely won’t go anywhere

16. The last song you listened to?        currently listening to golden by parade of lights

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?         oh i think you know where this is gonna go :D

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?        pick literally anyone in my family

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?          .....there are. probably minors following me so im not gonna answer that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)        i feel like it’s a cliche to say my eyes, but i really love my hair too

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?          Oh My God I Would Kill Someone To Be Cis. look in the mirror and Cry

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?        not that im aware of

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?          i feel like spiders and the existential dread of global doom isnt unique so,,

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.         alright lemme put you on smn right now, rally’s mother cruncher sandwich, but with a Fresh and not soggy brioche bun, actual campfire sauce, a slice of melted havarti, and you’re in heaven

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?         I Will Put It In Savings And Not Touch It Ever because spending money makes me very anxious and also cry :)

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?       askjbdga like it’s hard, nevada obvi

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?       something mixed and fruity, maybe svedka? the strawberry lemonade because that sounds like it slaps 

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?         if you’re a republican you’re getting fed to the sharks

29. What is your favorite expletive?         i feel like fuck is just so Versatile, but bitch is a close second

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?         a usb with every file i’ve ever saved, including all of my pictures going back four years

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?         oh boy there’s a lot of options here. either a thought i had once that i will Not disclose, or a piece of information i have about father

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!           sounds like me tbh. either norway or switzerland 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?         Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat- :DDDDDD my cat Trinity that passed two years ago

34. What was your last dream about?       couldn’t tell ya. i meant to write it down but i did Not

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?        the first thing that popped in my head was listener, and yes!

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?        luckily no

37. Have you ever built a snowman?       many!

38. What is the color of your socks?        white and gray

39. What type of music do you like?         oh anything and everything! upbeat with guitar and im sold

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?        sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?         m i n t

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)        ew

43. Do you have any scars?        yep!

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?        either bookstore owner or interior designer, im not sure yet. maybe work in a kitchen?

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?         i want to be Cis goddammit

46. Are you reliable?        absolutely! if i care for you

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?         do we ever find a family that stays?

48. Do you hold grudges?        oh Absolutely. if you fuck up big enough im never letting that shit go

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?       is it too much to ask for a pegasus

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?          the intricacies of public school boys and their obsession with cold war russia and any world war

51. Are you a good liar?         100%

52. How long could you go without talking?        does out loud to myself count? because i do that a lot. if im depressed or just. tired then a good few days

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?        chin length bob. why did i think that was a good idea. 12 year old me is Quaking 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?       not cake, but ive done cupcakes

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?       not Well 

56. What do you like on your toast?          butter and cinnamon sugar, or a good cherry jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?          gears for inktober day 3 babeyyy

58. What would be you dream car?        any ford f150 or a solid 67 chevy impala

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.        not in a While. i don’t think so???

60. Do you believe in aliens?       i Do

61. Do you often read your horoscope?         never in my life

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?        very fond of m

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?       is this even a Question. dragons obviously

64. What do you think about babies?       disgusting vomit spewing lizards, and thats an insult to lizards

[priestcatte-blog]

Sini’s Dark Knight story part 4

Sini would now leave the mansion more often, not only to go visit his love in the Goblet, but also to meet with the Dark Knight in La Noscea, to train away from prying eyes several times a week. The Jackals would not like having a broody stranger around the mansion and garden, and the wilderness had much more space and privacy. As per the Knights advice, Sini fought with a simple greatsword now that Bert had made for him, and he was slowly making progress.

It was a truly cheesy name, Dark Knight, Sini thought to himself as he crossed swords with the older Keeper again, but he couldnt think of a better name. The man had told Sini his name by now, Ome'a Molkot, but being mentor and pupil Sini wasn't gonna call him that. And the guy was clad in a blackened heavy armor after all... Sini had asked him once why, and the reply had been: "There are several like me, i know that much, but they don't all look like 'Dark Knights'. That's just a name people made up because it's so ominous and mysterious. And many of us are not much liked either. But i digress... this armors colour is just coincidence, personal preference. Some look like normal Knights. Some look nothing like Knights at all, more like commoners, but that doesn't change what they are and do." Sini already knew what they all had in common, the fight against injustice and the use of the so called 'dark arts', a technique they developed in Ishgard in secrecy. Sini knew that much already, so he didnt have to ask his mentor about that. He had already made some visits to Ishgard, to see the seminarium and learn more about the ishgardian way of priesthood, and at these occasions he secretly looked some of the stories about these 'Dark Knights' up.

He would ask about the Dark Arts at some point, maybe, probably... he didn't plan to yet. For now it was important to simply learn how to fight well with a greatsword and armor. Sini had told him about his first succesful, real fight. It had been on the bridge in lower La Noscea, where Sini and Shin, together with some friends of hers, had to fight off a group of scoundrels who wanted to get rid of her. Among these, Sini succesfully fought and killed a Hyur with a greatsword, an Elezen swordsman and a Roegadyn with an axe. All in teamwork with Shin and her friends of course. Why all Roes seemed to fight with axes was a curiosum that probably would keep puzzling scholars for ages... In any case, this earned Sini the approval and respect of his mentor. Good job and keep it up, the usual words one would expect. But also "Seems i were not wrong with my estimation of you." Well that was nice to hear.

But training would continue further of course, and so it did on this day too. Although Sini didn't seem very concentrated. They were sparring, training moves and reactions, as his mentors sword slammed against the protection on Sini's upper right arm. They lowered their weapons and Ome'a took off his helmet. "Get yourself together, you are not really here, not in the fight with your thoughts! Are you thinking about your sweetheart again?" Sini held his right arm in pain, but a wide grin spread on his lips nonetheless as he thought about Shin. He could hear Ome mumble something about "worst priest...", but Sini shook his head. "No... no, it's not her, actually... we got trouble in our company. Nothing i should share with outsiders..." The older Miqo'te nodded, and gestured him to follow him to the side, where they took a break standing in the shadow beneath a tree. "Yeah, thats understandable... but it eats at you, it seems." Sini leaned his sword against the bark, and rubbed his neck while looking away. "Yeah, well... it's someone i don't have a problem with usually... her name is Thya. You fought with her in the job you gave us." He nodded again, remembering. His interest was peaked. "Ah, yes... i do remember her. Fights similar to me, i am quite curious how she learned the arts... but it's not that which worries you, right? You knew about that." "Yeah... you cannot miss it when fighting with her, and i did. But no... it's something else. I just... i won't talk about it. But i feel like i cannot trust her anymore. For Reasons i cannot disclose. And that makes everything... complicated of course... I still have to work with her. Wavering trust is a problem, but i see no way how this can be solved easily." "Hm... yeah... thats bad..." The old man sat down, his armor creaking a little. He flicked his black furred ears and looked back to Limsa Lominsa, the cityscape visible in the distance. They fell silent for a moment, with only the sound of the wind and the sheep grazing nearby reaching their ears.

"I will be honest, i don't know a simple solution either. Or any advice. It's a shitty situation, but there's no help beside her regaining your trust. However she could accomplish that, i don't know the details..." Sini sighed, running a hand throuhg his grey hair and sitting down with his back against the tree. "I know... i will figure something out." Ome'a suddenly grinned, and looked back to Sini'to. "Heh, i was gonna say, i can maybe give you something to distract you from that. But i guess you have plenty of distraction with your sweetheart already, whenever you want." Sini smiled again. Yes, he had been very happy lately, before the thoughts about Thya and her family clouded his mind, but it had been pretty obvious still. And it was a nice feeling to see when people were happy for him. "But i am a curious sort... you can still show me. What did you have in mind?"

The old man reached for something under his armor, a little bag that he seemingly always had close to his body. He opened it and took a small black crystal out, adorned with a golden symbol. It was fitting into his palm perfectly. "Do you know what this is?" Sini straightened up a little, raising his brows. "Yes... that's a soulstone, no? I heard they are pretty rare. But i read about them. That little symbol differentiates it from a gem." Ome'a nodded. "Yes, smart one. It's my soulstone. I got this one from my master, the one who picked me up from the brume after my mother died and trained me. He got it from his master and where he got it from, i have no idea. I assume some Knights just started to make these, like other soulstones that are around, to pass them on. Like we do with our art. Master, apprentice, master, apprentice, and so on... So you know what it can do." Sini leaned forward, inspecting the stone curiously. He nodded slowly, hesitant. "Yes... i assume it could allow someone to learn your dark arts, as you called them... i have spoken with Thya about it once. She said it's a dark force inside you, that you can harness to empower yourself, but you have to be careful... the price to pay is an internal struggle. She called it a voice in your head, that speaks to you and wants to make you do things, or even take over herself... but then again it's not really just some voice, it's still you. It's another you, but still you. Part of you. She said it's hard to describe..." "Hmm, yes..." The black haired keeper held the small stone up betwen his index and thumb, tilting his head a little as he watched it. It was slightly heart shaped and deep black, like the purest Onyx Sini had ever seen, the light shining on its polished surface. "That's one way to put it. I also heard it does differ from person to person, and manifests differently for different people. She is right, it's nothing from outside, it's all you. So you don't need to worry about that, you don't get a voice in your head. It is like... urges and desire. You know? We all have urges, but of course, we don't just give in to them. We are civilized, we know what we can do and what we better shouldn't do. We fight our urges. It is like that, just stronger. Go ahead, bash that guys face in. He deserves it! Make him pay. Who cares about the people staring? Just let him feel the pain, pay him back tenfold, nay, hundred! Like that. For example."

He was very calm as he talked about it like that, and Sini watched him with a frown, not sure what to think. "You can control it. You learn that. It's not much different then than controling our daily urges. It's just when we tire and slip that it gets dangerous. If the urges take control of us, if we go and bash that guys head in, we have to live with the consequences. But... the powers it can grant are very, very useful... you might have already seen some of the things one can do with it from your friend Thya." He held it out for Sini, looking him straight in the eyes. "You'll have already guessed it by now, i want to give it to you. I had an apprentice once, but he died, and now im old and dont want to go through that again, and i dont know if i would even live long enough. But you are smart, you are capable, and you can make good use of the things i show and teach you. You're not a warrior, but a mage... you have to learn to fight, but the powers and magics you will learn with this stone will be much easier for you, i am sure. You are smart, you can figure it out. And i figure using the magics the dark arts grant will be very useful for you. You can, no you must incorporate them into your fighting. That's what makes a 'so called Dark Knight' much better than any other ordinary fighter. You could use magical shields, for example. But as said, you'll prolly have seen from your friend what else it can do..."

Sini was staring at the stone with a frown. He was clearly hesitant, reaching out but not taking it yet. "I don't know... Thya said there's no going back." Ome'a shrugged. "That's true, i guess. I never tried. But yeah, i guess think good about it. Go ahead, you can take it, it wont just go and imbue you with scary dark powers. It won't do anything unless you concentrate on it." "You don't need it anymore?" "No... it literally only teaches you. It's filled up with... the experiences of its former bearers, to say it in lack of a better description. I can't describe how it works, but you can learn with it, things just seem to come to you naturally with it. I already know everything, i know how to use the Darkness. You don't need to stone for it, it just shows you how. And i will give it to you anyway, if you decide to learn it or not. I'm old, as said, and i rather give it away before i die somewhere and it gets lost. Even if you don't use it, you can give it to someone else." Sini nodded and sighed, reaching for the stone and taking it. It felt cold in his hand, and smooth, not different to any other gem. Unconsciously, with his other hand he reached for the glas encased pieces of topaz that were hanging on a chain around his neck, a gift made by Shin. They were the broken remains of the gem with which he always had summoned his carbuncle Puff, since his childhood. Symbol of his lifelong practised arcanism, that was failing on him now and again lately.

He nodded to the old Knight and closed his fist around the soulstone, his voice steadfast. "Alright. You are entrusting me with something important to you. I thank you, and promise to make or find good use of it. I apprecaite it."   The other keeper smiled faintly. "Heh. Well... thanks for taking care of my legacy, so to say." He got up and stretched, holding his back like a typical old man. He looked back to the City in the distance again, and Sini swore the Knight even got a bit melancholic. "It's a chain of tradition that goes on and on, and should be kept going...keep the art alive and all that. It's like life, really. Old teach the new, things get passed on from generation to generation, and so on and so on..." He gazed out into the distance and fell silent, and Sini could only imagine the things that probably went through the old keepers head. What if his life had taken different turns? What if he had grown up in the shroud instead? What if he, instead of leading a vigilante life, had settled down and got a family? Who knew, who knew... what if, could have been, all that didn't matter in the end... Life was what it was right now, and none of us could change the past. Ome'a chuckled and shook his head, probably thinking just the same as Sini right now.

He took his helmet and put it back on his head. Now he was the image of a Dark Knight again, gone was the old man, hidden beneath a blackened suit of armor and only for few to know. "Heh. Thanks again. See you around next time. And don't die, alright? Would be a shame. Your sweetheart would be sad." With that, he strode off, towards Limsa Lominsa, leaving Sini behind underneath that tree. The grey priest in a training suit of armor followed the Knight with his gaze until he was out of sight, sitting there and pondering.

[forthedifficultdays]

in which i told dad everything

I’ve had a horrible week. Too exhausted to type out the whole situation, but it involved Kyle crying and sobbing and having practically a panic attack over call begging me to not kill myself. It involved me contacting the suicide hotline for the first time ever. bryan had to text kyle to ask if i’m okay. my little brother had to tell my boyfriend to talk about something happy with me so i would stop crying. shame. went to sleep crying. woke up crying. spent the whole morning crying. cheeks bruised from crying. head pounding. throat stinging. eyes barely open. lips chapped. heart clawing and wrenching and screeching to escape. pain pain pain pain pain. 

We’re not going to be able to see each other this long weekend even though I’m in town. My parents aren’t talking to me even though we’re supposed to go on this ‘family vacation’ in a couple of days. 

My Dad sent me a long essay about how much he and mom loves me and shit, and how I’m throwing away my roots and traditions and culture lol because i want clear communication? because i want mental health support? because i’m dating a white boy? lol 

I responded by telling him everything, and I mean, everything. I told him how hurt I am that he and mom disapproves of my relationship for reasons never disclosed to me. How hurt I am that he assumed i’d want to completely sever my roots, and that i’m not allowed to make the best of both worlds. how much pressure i have by so many people to become so excellent, and how people think i better than i am. how badly i want to make them proud. how sorry i am that i turned out to be someone they don’t like. 

that it’s not that i wished i was never born into this family, it’s that i wish i was never born at all. why i want to stop existing. why i want to die. that i’m suicidal, and have been for a long time. that i’ve been seeking help behind their backs, that i contacted the hotline, that i’m going to try to continue to seek help whether or not they like it.

that i’m t e r r i f i e d that mom will yell at me to just kill myself if i want to so badly. that i’m scared they’ll think me as only selfish so that i’ll really actually truly in my soul believe the most selfless and useful thing i could ever do in my life is die so they won’t ever have to feel so much grief and pain over me again

that i’m scared of leaving my room because i cause people so much grief.  

i told him everything. 

it’s been 24+ hours and he hasn’t responded. he read my message, but he hasn’t responded. he hasn’t even looked at me. i’ve been holed up in my room, keeping myself occupied by studying for the lsat. kyle’s been on call with me as much as he can. he’s so scared. he says he won’t be okay, and he says he won’t be able to move on but i think he will. i know he’ll be okay and he’ll be able to move on. it’ll hurt for some time, but it won’t be forever. 

i got into the car with my mom alone today. the whole time: i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to do 

im spiralling :) 

amanda and daniel says to get distance. to spend a night elsewhere. to hold on until i can move out.

so far away. so many obstacles. so tired. so so so so so so so tired. 

if i get over this, the next thing will be my lsat results. if i don’t get a score of 165/180 at least, i guess i’ll be pushed to another edge. right now i’m at 152 before all the studying and practice. 13 point increase for the score = 30 actual in test point increase. 

big jump

tired

tired

tired

tired

tired

someone kill me. 

[rjhg53ji-blog]

How much did your health insurance go up this year?

How much did your health insurance go up this year?

12% for me after a 40% increase over the last 2 years. When can I expect the $2500 annual savings Obama claimed we would get?

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[rebeccahpedersen]

Recent Real Estate Pet Peeves

TorontoRealtyBlog

I had a little help with this one, I will admit.

A few readers emailed me over the past week, one as recent as Thursday, taking issue with, um, how will I say, “real estate practices.”

So in no particular order, here are some of my recent real estate pet peeves.

Sold in Zero Days!

A reader emailed me about this during the week, and I’ll admit, I’ve seen my fair share of this.

Picture a listing that’s been on the market for, say 35 days.  And picture the agent who is looking down at his or her precious stats, trying to figure out how to make them look better.

I mean, the agent could simply lie.  That’s easy, and there’s already a ton of that going on.

But for the (somewhat) honest agent, there’s an alternative.

When you receive an offer on the property, and successfully negotiate to a firm sale, simply terminate that listing, then re-list the property anew.

BOOM!

Zero days on market!

This was recently done in North Toronto where the listing DOM, or “Days On Market” for you non-MLS junkies, reads a proud zero.

So this agent, technichally-speaking, can claim to have sold this property after zero days on market.

And even if he or she didn’t take that route, which I still expect most agents would, the TREB stats would show zero days, as would the IMS stats; IMS being the third-party company that takes our data and sells it back to us, seemingly with TREB’s blessing.

Is this tactic about stats, or is it about ego?

Personally, I don’t care about “Days On Market” as a stat because I have three different listing strategies that all result in different DOM:

1) List for an immediate sale, whether you have a 24-hour holdback, or expect the first 1-2 people through the door to pay full ask, or more. 2) List with an offer night exactly seven days later. 3)Over-list with a built-in cushion for negotiation, knowing that a 3-4 week sale is likely.

–

Sold Over Asking!

Is this still going on?

I was musing this afternoon that most agents are always six months behind the market, and we see this when they demonstrate zero knowledge of current market conditions.  Either the market is red-hot, and they’re coming out of a slow market whereby they don’t see how hot their listing is, or they’re holding back offers on a property that’s probably going to take weeks to sell at their current price point.

Agents can be clueless, and I don’t understand how some agents out there still think that “sold over asking” is a feather in their cap.

Back before the “under-price and hold back offer” strategy became commonplace, you would actually see the odd property sell for over the asking price.  This was often a testament to the agent’s hard work, either by stalling the offer-in-hand to wait for another, or by working the phones to drum up other interest, or simply by negotiating the pants off the buyer-agent and getting that agent to bid higher for no reason.

But that was then, and this is now.

And when you take a $1,000,000 house, list it for $899,900, and sell it for $1,000,000, do you really think people want to hear about how you sold the property for 111% of the list price?

More to the point, when you laughably under-list a property, say, a $1,500,000 house for $999,900, hoping to get 50 offers and waste people’s time, do you really take pride in marketing that you sold the house for over 150% of the list price?

I think it turns people off.

It’s so pointless, and so old.  I think it makes these agents look self-congratulatory, and out-of-touch.

–

Seller Reserves The Right To Accept Pre-Emptive Offers Without Notice

Remember the spring of 2017?

Remember when the market was absolutely insane?

Remember when pre-emptive or “bully” offers were rampant?

And remember how some listing agents decided they were going to deal with them?

Rules are rules, but back in early-2017, a lot of listing agents decided they simply didn’t care.  When it came to protocol for dealing with pre-emptive offers, they simply threw all that out the window.

If you receive a pre-emptive offer on a listing, and if the seller decides to work with it (ie. forego the scheduled “offer night” a week later, and sell the property today), then you must notify every person who “expressed an interest” in the property.  That means contact agents who have booked showings, whether they have conducted that showing or not.

In early-2017, listing agents started doing this:

And it was chaos.

The argument was simple: “Oh, sorry officer, I know I ran that red light but I said that I was going to do it.  Bye!”

Listing agents felt as though so long as they disclosed that they were going to break the rules, that this made it okay.

There were essentially two reasons for doing this, and neither of them involved working in the best interest of the seller-client:

1) Looking to double-end a listing. 2) Laziness.

I don’t know which reason is worse, honestly.

But guess what, folks?

That screenshot above is from a listing that came out on Thursday, and it’s one of many like it.

I was filming my Pick5 on Wednesday, and came across another listing that had this disclosure, and I went nuts.  On camera, no editing, I just left it there for people to view.  As I said in my video, I can’t understand why this isn’t an automatic $10,000 fine.  It’s been TWO YEARS since agents were told not to do this, and they’re still doing it.  It’s so disrespectful to cooperating agents and to the buyer pool, and it simply spits in the face of TREB, who clearly isn’t doing anything about it.

FYI – if you ever see anything you don’t like on an MLS listing, email dis@trebnet.com and report it.

–

Buyer To Verify

What are we?

As agents, I mean.  What are we?

Are we professionals?  Are we competent?  Are we people who deal with others in good faith, and with fairness, and integrity?

Do we do our job to the absolute minimum of our abilities, or do we strive to something better?

Because frankly, I’m tired of seeing this in MLS listings:

It’s lazy, ignorant, and insulting.

As a listing agent, one of your jobs is to verify the information pertaining to your client’s listing; the client who has hired you, and is paying you, to represent their best interests.

If you are too lazy to look up a few numbers, and/or verify them, then what is your value?

And folks, don’t believe this is something it’s not – this is far, far from anything that would every hold up in court!  You can’t just write, “Buyer to verify taxes,” and then detail the taxes on the MLS listing as $2,000 per year, when they’re actually $5,000 per year, and then say, “Too bad, so sad.”

So why even bother with this?

Well, because agents are stupid.

And to be honest, and blunt, the same agents that think they can write “Seller Reserves The Right To Accept Pre-Emptive Offers Without Notice” and get away with it are the same ones writing “Buyer To Verify Measurements.”  And they aren’t mid-town agents from reputable firms, that’s for sure.  Read into that however you want.

The idea that a listing agent can detail on a listing that maintenance fees are $350.00 even, when he or she has no idea what the fees are, and hasn’t checked, is absolutely beyond comprehension.

I feel dirty just writing this.  God I’m mad.

–

Feeling You’re Smarter Than People And Trying To Turn A Negative Into A Positive

What does a listing agent say when you ask for a copy of the home inspection, and they haven’t done one?

A few things come to mind:

“I’m too cheap to do one.”

“My sellers don’t want to reveal all the things wrong with this house.”

“I don’t really know much about listing properties, so it never occurred to me that this might be a good idea.”

All of those statements are likely true, but that’s not what an agent would say.

The most canned response is:

“The seller has elected to allow the buyers to perform their own inspection, at their convenience.”

Oh, well then!

If that isn’t a load of BS, then I don’t know what is.

This absolutely reeks of “Piss in my ear, and tell me it’s rain.”  I can’t think of any better way to put it.

It’s taking a negative and trying to spin it into a positive, sounding absolutely stupid in the process.  There’s not a human on the planet that would hear this and think, “Oh, wow, well, that’s really nice of the seller to allow that, and very thoughtful with regards to the buyers’ convenience as well.”

So take this a step further, dumb it down more, and you get this:

Really?

This is like saying, “Termite-Filled House Represents Fantastic Opportunity For Buyer To Convert To Non-Termite House According To Wishes And Desires.”

Don’t insult us with this crap.  Buyers are too smart for this, and it turns them off.

–

Basic Math

No words needed here:

–

Basic Data Entry

I’m no genius, but $899,900 looks like a lot for a parking space:

–

One Plus Media

You’ve all seen my video about the condo den, right?

Yes?

No?

Can’t remember?

Well, that last one isn’t true.  Not to toot my own horn here, but you’d remember if you saw this:

  You know I hate how the idea of a “den” has become this stupid, tiny, useless room in a condo.

But do you know what I hate even more?

This notion of “media.”

A true “plus one” on the MLS listing was always intended to be a below-grade room in a freehold, hence the “5+2” rooms, or the “3+1” bedrooms.  Then when condos came along, the “plus one” was intended to be an “almost-bedroom,” ie. a den.

So you’re used to seeing this on a condo listing for a 2-plus-den:

That’s fine, we’ve adopted to that.

But this idea of “media” as an accepted “plus one” is not okay with me.

What is a “media?”

This:

I’m sorry, but that desk pushed against the wall is nothing.

It’s a desk pushed against a wall.

Just because pre-construction condo developers have invented this stupid notion of “media” to further exploit naive, unassuming consumers and have them pay a higher price in the process does NOT mean this needs to carry over to MLS.

We cannot have this “media” described on MLS as the new “plus one.”

And of course, by “we cannot have,” I mean, “we already have.”

Weekend, you can not have come soon enough…

The post Recent Real Estate Pet Peeves appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2TSgK07

[teenageduckchopshop-blog]

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You simply need to do what you like and stick to it. Also, if this is the thing that you are long longing for, there's no reason for dithering, get it ASAP.

[rebeccahpedersen]

Recent Real Estate Pet Peeves

TorontoRealtyBlog

I had a little help with this one, I will admit.

A few readers emailed me over the past week, one as recent as Thursday, taking issue with, um, how will I say, “real estate practices.”

So in no particular order, here are some of my recent real estate pet peeves.

Sold in Zero Days!

A reader emailed me about this during the week, and I’ll admit, I’ve seen my fair share of this.

Picture a listing that’s been on the market for, say 35 days.  And picture the agent who is looking down at his or her precious stats, trying to figure out how to make them look better.

I mean, the agent could simply lie.  That’s easy, and there’s already a ton of that going on.

But for the (somewhat) honest agent, there’s an alternative.

When you receive an offer on the property, and successfully negotiate to a firm sale, simply terminate that listing, then re-list the property anew.

BOOM!

Zero days on market!

This was recently done in North Toronto where the listing DOM, or “Days On Market” for you non-MLS junkies, reads a proud zero.

So this agent, technichally-speaking, can claim to have sold this property after zero days on market.

And even if he or she didn’t take that route, which I still expect most agents would, the TREB stats would show zero days, as would the IMS stats; IMS being the third-party company that takes our data and sells it back to us, seemingly with TREB’s blessing.

Is this tactic about stats, or is it about ego?

Personally, I don’t care about “Days On Market” as a stat because I have three different listing strategies that all result in different DOM:

1) List for an immediate sale, whether you have a 24-hour holdback, or expect the first 1-2 people through the door to pay full ask, or more. 2) List with an offer night exactly seven days later. 3)Over-list with a built-in cushion for negotiation, knowing that a 3-4 week sale is likely.

–

Sold Over Asking!

Is this still going on?

I was musing this afternoon that most agents are always six months behind the market, and we see this when they demonstrate zero knowledge of current market conditions.  Either the market is red-hot, and they’re coming out of a slow market whereby they don’t see how hot their listing is, or they’re holding back offers on a property that’s probably going to take weeks to sell at their current price point.

Agents can be clueless, and I don’t understand how some agents out there still think that “sold over asking” is a feather in their cap.

Back before the “under-price and hold back offer” strategy became commonplace, you would actually see the odd property sell for over the asking price.  This was often a testament to the agent’s hard work, either by stalling the offer-in-hand to wait for another, or by working the phones to drum up other interest, or simply by negotiating the pants off the buyer-agent and getting that agent to bid higher for no reason.

But that was then, and this is now.

And when you take a $1,000,000 house, list it for $899,900, and sell it for $1,000,000, do you really think people want to hear about how you sold the property for 111% of the list price?

More to the point, when you laughably under-list a property, say, a $1,500,000 house for $999,900, hoping to get 50 offers and waste people’s time, do you really take pride in marketing that you sold the house for over 150% of the list price?

I think it turns people off.

It’s so pointless, and so old.  I think it makes these agents look self-congratulatory, and out-of-touch.

–

Seller Reserves The Right To Accept Pre-Emptive Offers Without Notice

Remember the spring of 2017?

Remember when the market was absolutely insane?

Remember when pre-emptive or “bully” offers were rampant?

And remember how some listing agents decided they were going to deal with them?

Rules are rules, but back in early-2017, a lot of listing agents decided they simply didn’t care.  When it came to protocol for dealing with pre-emptive offers, they simply threw all that out the window.

If you receive a pre-emptive offer on a listing, and if the seller decides to work with it (ie. forego the scheduled “offer night” a week later, and sell the property today), then you must notify every person who “expressed an interest” in the property.  That means contact agents who have booked showings, whether they have conducted that showing or not.

In early-2017, listing agents started doing this:

And it was chaos.

The argument was simple: “Oh, sorry officer, I know I ran that red light but I said that I was going to do it.  Bye!”

Listing agents felt as though so long as they disclosed that they were going to break the rules, that this made it okay.

There were essentially two reasons for doing this, and neither of them involved working in the best interest of the seller-client:

1) Looking to double-end a listing. 2) Laziness.

I don’t know which reason is worse, honestly.

But guess what, folks?

That screenshot above is from a listing that came out on Thursday, and it’s one of many like it.

I was filming my Pick5 on Wednesday, and came across another listing that had this disclosure, and I went nuts.  On camera, no editing, I just left it there for people to view.  As I said in my video, I can’t understand why this isn’t an automatic $10,000 fine.  It’s been TWO YEARS since agents were told not to do this, and they’re still doing it.  It’s so disrespectful to cooperating agents and to the buyer pool, and it simply spits in the face of TREB, who clearly isn’t doing anything about it.

FYI – if you ever see anything you don’t like on an MLS listing, email dis@trebnet.com and report it.

–

Buyer To Verify

What are we?

As agents, I mean.  What are we?

Are we professionals?  Are we competent?  Are we people who deal with others in good faith, and with fairness, and integrity?

Do we do our job to the absolute minimum of our abilities, or do we strive to something better?

Because frankly, I’m tired of seeing this in MLS listings:

It’s lazy, ignorant, and insulting.

As a listing agent, one of your jobs is to verify the information pertaining to your client’s listing; the client who has hired you, and is paying you, to represent their best interests.

If you are too lazy to look up a few numbers, and/or verify them, then what is your value?

And folks, don’t believe this is something it’s not – this is far, far from anything that would every hold up in court!  You can’t just write, “Buyer to verify taxes,” and then detail the taxes on the MLS listing as $2,000 per year, when they’re actually $5,000 per year, and then say, “Too bad, so sad.”

So why even bother with this?

Well, because agents are stupid.

And to be honest, and blunt, the same agents that think they can write “Seller Reserves The Right To Accept Pre-Emptive Offers Without Notice” and get away with it are the same ones writing “Buyer To Verify Measurements.”  And they aren’t mid-town agents from reputable firms, that’s for sure.  Read into that however you want.

The idea that a listing agent can detail on a listing that maintenance fees are $350.00 even, when he or she has no idea what the fees are, and hasn’t checked, is absolutely beyond comprehension.

I feel dirty just writing this.  God I’m mad.

–

Feeling You’re Smarter Than People And Trying To Turn A Negative Into A Positive

What does a listing agent say when you ask for a copy of the home inspection, and they haven’t done one?

A few things come to mind:

“I’m too cheap to do one.”

“My sellers don’t want to reveal all the things wrong with this house.”

“I don’t really know much about listing properties, so it never occurred to me that this might be a good idea.”

All of those statements are likely true, but that’s not what an agent would say.

The most canned response is:

“The seller has elected to allow the buyers to perform their own inspection, at their convenience.”

Oh, well then!

If that isn’t a load of BS, then I don’t know what is.

This absolutely reeks of “Piss in my ear, and tell me it’s rain.”  I can’t think of any better way to put it.

It’s taking a negative and trying to spin it into a positive, sounding absolutely stupid in the process.  There’s not a human on the planet that would hear this and think, “Oh, wow, well, that’s really nice of the seller to allow that, and very thoughtful with regards to the buyers’ convenience as well.”

So take this a step further, dumb it down more, and you get this:

Really?

This is like saying, “Termite-Filled House Represents Fantastic Opportunity For Buyer To Convert To Non-Termite House According To Wishes And Desires.”

Don’t insult us with this crap.  Buyers are too smart for this, and it turns them off.

–

Basic Math

No words needed here:

–

Basic Data Entry

I’m no genius, but $899,900 looks like a lot for a parking space:

–

One Plus Media

You’ve all seen my video about the condo den, right?

Yes?

No?

Can’t remember?

Well, that last one isn’t true.  Not to toot my own horn here, but you’d remember if you saw this:

  You know I hate how the idea of a “den” has become this stupid, tiny, useless room in a condo.

But do you know what I hate even more?

This notion of “media.”

A true “plus one” on the MLS listing was always intended to be a below-grade room in a freehold, hence the “5+2” rooms, or the “3+1” bedrooms.  Then when condos came along, the “plus one” was intended to be an “almost-bedroom,” ie. a den.

So you’re used to seeing this on a condo listing for a 2-plus-den:

That’s fine, we’ve adopted to that.

But this idea of “media” as an accepted “plus one” is not okay with me.

What is a “media?”

This:

I’m sorry, but that desk pushed against the wall is nothing.

It’s a desk pushed against a wall.

Just because pre-construction condo developers have invented this stupid notion of “media” to further exploit naive, unassuming consumers and have them pay a higher price in the process does NOT mean this needs to carry over to MLS.

We cannot have this “media” described on MLS as the new “plus one.”

And of course, by “we cannot have,” I mean, “we already have.”

Weekend, you can not have come soon enough…

The post Recent Real Estate Pet Peeves appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2TSgK07