#imagine if that aspect of wasting time was put into the game haha

[thebabblingbrookenook]

The Viscount Who Loved Me Too Much - Part 2

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!reader

Summary: Modern AU - A continuation of a previous story, The Viscount Who Loved Me Too Much Part 1, where Reader is recovering from a heart transplant. She’s determined to make sure she truly lives every second for the rest of her life. Not a moment wasted. When she meets Anthony Bridgerton, she starts to realize, and ask for, all the things she really wants for herself. 

Warnings: This chapter is pretty tame compared to Part 1. There are brief mentions of sexual content but not actual smut. Sorry guys, maybe in Part 3 haha

Word Count: 6K

Author’s Note - I know I had originally said that this would be a 4 Part series, but I may have underestimated how much content I had to work with. For now, I won’t put a number on it. Once again, @colettebronte saves the day with her beta reading. You would not want to see the mess of words I laid down before her keen eye gave it a once over. And to @eleanor-bradstreet, my sweet, sweet Eleanor... Thank you so much for walking in angst with me on this one. Your advice and companionship have been invaluable.

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Anthony Bridgerton was a man of his word, having made good on his promise to ruin you that morning. Twice. He had left your legs weak and your backside sore, but you were thoroughly satisfied. It was the kind of satisfaction that you were afraid to get used to. Getting attached to him would probably be a colossal mistake, but he wasn’t making it easy.

Sitting across from him in your favorite café, over breakfast you pondered what your life might look like with him in it on a more permanent basis. It was a dangerous game to play but you couldn’t seem to help yourself. Something about him was addictive and you could already anticipate the pain his absence would create. 

You were constructing a getaway plan in your head when his voice cut through your concentration. “Figured out how you’re going to ditch me yet?”

“What? Why would you say that?” Panic pitched your voice higher. “I wasn’t planning…”

“Yes you were,” he teased with a knowing grin. “I recognize the look. I practically invented it. Let me save you the stress. If after today you don’t wish to continue spending time with me, I’ll bugger off.”

“Continue?” you ask, trying unsuccessfully to keep the hope from your voice. “You want to see me again?”

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” He tested the waters.

“Yes,” you nodded shyly, averting your eyes. “And this morning.”

“So did I,” he assured. “If you’ll have me, I’d like to keep enjoying myself.”

“I think I’d like that,” you conceded. If he was going to stick around, you wanted to address the hideous scar in the room. “You can ask me, you know. It’s okay, I know you want to.”

He had the courtesy to look a bit ashamed when he asked. “What happened?”

“I got the flu,” you shrugged.

“I beg your pardon? I’m not sure I understand.”

“It seems crazy, I know. But that’s what happened. It was just the flu. I was really sick with a stomach bug for a few days and then I was dying. The doctor said it was a one in a million scenario. Viral Myocarditis. The virus weakened my heart muscle and there was too much damage. I was fine one day and on life support the next.”

You watched him with interest as his mind tried to add everything together. “You needed a transplant?”

“Yes,” you confirmed. “It was all so sudden. There wasn’t a lot of time to process everything. My whole life changed.”

“Wow,” he stated in disbelief. “You’re okay now though, right?”

“My doctor seems to think I’m healing nicely. I had to make a lot of adjustments. I’m going to be on medication for the rest of my life, but that seems a small price to pay.”

“That’s only the physical aspect. How are you handling things otherwise? I can’t imagine that has been easy for you. From all my accounts, you're very… lively.” He grinned flirtatiously. At this rate, you were going to need to keep an emergency fire extinguisher in your purse for your nether regions.

“Honestly, I’ve been a mess. It took a long time to find myself again. Even now, I’m not quite the same.” You searched your mind to find the right words. Why the desire was so strong, you weren’t sure, but you desperately needed to be understood by him.

Without missing a beat, he met you where you were. “Of course you’re not. Nor should you be. I’m not sure I’d like to know the person who could go unaffected by those circumstances. They would either be a liar or a fool. Probably both.”

His voice trailed off in contemplation so you followed him into the void. “I think maybe you’ve already known that person.”

“Mmm,” he hummed in agreement. “I live with him every day.”

Anger pricked at your consciousness, sending your pulse on a rampage. It was ludicrous, you barely knew this man, but the instinct to defend him, even from himself, felt like it was your newfound purpose. It was presumptuous to think you knew better, but those words didn’t ring true. 

“We’ve all been fools at some point. And I lie to myself all the time.” You hoped you weren’t doing that right then; Looking at him and seeing only what you wanted to see. But you decided self doubt was useless and trusted your instincts instead. “We just have to learn how to get out of our own way.”

“Is that what you’re doing now? Getting out of your own way?” Genuine interest played behind his eyes.

“I’m trying. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but I’m trying. It feels like I owe it to myself. And to the…” you paused, subconsciously running your thumb over your scar. “Well, to all the people who got me here. Anything less would be unforgivably selfish of me.”

His fingers reached out to play with yours absently on the table. “So what’s your secret? There has to be a trick to it. I’m far too obstinate to simply tell myself to get the fuck out of my own way.”

The familiarity in his touch warmed your chest. It felt natural to be there with him. “I think it’s all about perspective. There is this huge thing lingering over me now, constantly reminding me to reevaluate when I feel stuck. My experience was terrifying, and I would never wish it on someone else, but perspective is definitely something it has gifted me. Seeing situations, and even other people through a new lens changes the entire picture.”

His huff of laughter sat in contrast with the smile that didn’t quite touch his eyes. “Now you’re beginning to sound like my brother.”

“Your brother sounds like a wise man,” you teased. 

“A self proclaimed one at that. He would be unbearable if he heard you confirm it.” His words were sharp but his tone radiated affection. 

“What’s his name?” you asked, curiosity getting the better of you.

You could see his mind wrestling over your request. Anxiety froze you to your seat while you waited for him to decide if you were worthy of this information. Family was private for some people, and you worried you may have accidentally crossed a boundary. 

An apology was forming on your lips when he offered a response. “Benedict.” He broke your eye contact to take a sip of his cooling tea. “I’m the oldest, then Benedict.”

“It must be nice to have a sibling. I always wanted one growing up, but I think I scared my parents off children on round one,” you offered up a piece of your life in reciprocity.

“Be careful what you wish for. I have seven, and they have been a proper pain in my ass, each in their own specially crafted and unique ways.” His voice was laced with a paternal pride that colored his features in warmth.

“Seven?! You parents must be exhausted.” 

“It’s just my mother now,” he confided. “The woman is a saint.”

“Oh,” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago,” he remembered with a sad silence settling over him. “But enough about me! Let’s get back to you. I’m far less interesting.”

Somehow you doubted that, but you yielded to his subtle request to move away from a difficult subject. “What would you like to know?”

“Obviously, you’re from The States, which I offer my utmost sympathies for,” he smiled cheekily. “... but whereabouts are you from?”

“I grew up in a little town outside of Columbus, Ohio that no one has ever heard of, but we moved to New York when I was fourteen.” Yep, definitely not more interesting than him. You were boring yourself to tears.

“And how did you end up on the right side of the pond?”

“I work for a luxury hotel. We opened a new location in London and they needed someone to get it off the ground. I’m here until they say otherwise.”

Leaning forward, he whispered conspiratorially, “Is it bad of me to hope they need you indefinitely?”

You felt a blush erupt across your cheeks at his confession. Your voice lowered in meekness as you readied an admission of your own. “I don’t know… Is it bad of me to really like that you just said that?”

“Maybe,” he leaned in even further like he was about to divulge a secret. “We’ll just have to be bad together then.”

The heat left your face entirely and raced to a place much, much lower. The way your body responded to him took you off guard. You were no stranger to lust, but this was different. He had roused something in you that you didn’t know existed and you were completely at its mercy. 

Before the logical half of your brain had a chance to talk you out of it, your mouth opened and blurted out something you had yet to share with anyone. Not Ellie. Not your mom. Only him. “What would you say if I told you that an offer to stay on a more permanent basis is actually a reality for me? I haven’t given my answer yet, but my bosses want to make me head of our European division. Our London location has been thriving and we want to expand even further. They already have plans for Germany, Italy, and France.”

He whistled his admiration. “Wow… that’s a big deal. If you don’t mind me saying so, I think you’d be crazy not to take that opportunity. What’s holding you back?”

Taking a moment to truly consider, you searched your mind for the right answer. “My parents… Being sick and this far away from them has been hard on all of us. It would be a lot easier on them, especially my mom, if I was home. And I miss them. I miss New York. There are days when I would murder someone to get my hands on a New York bagel.”

“Hmm,” he mulled over your words. “I see…”

“What?” You hoped your irritation wasn’t obvious. “You don’t think those reasons are valid?”

“No, they are perfectly valid. They just aren’t the reason. Those are the excuses being used to justify not taking the risk.” His expression held no malice and his voice was free of condescension. He was simply offering the truth. For some reason, that irritated you even more.

“Excuses. Reasons. Aren’t they the same thing?”

“Not in my opinion,” he shrugged. “Excuses will always be there. Reasons can be conquered. So what is it? What are you afraid to go up against?”

No one had ever cut so directly through your bullshit in all of your life. The exposure was terrifying but also strangely exhilarating. Somehow telling him the truth came easier than with most. It didn’t feel like you were diving headfirst into judgment. 

“Myself,” you admitted. “I’m afraid to face myself. This would be a massive undertaking of responsibilities. If I fail, it impacts a lot more than just me. I don’t know if I’m the person that commands the room, or makes decisions on such massive scales. I’ve always been the tool that someone else wields to realize their vision. An extremely effective tool, but still… I guess I just don’t want to find out in the end that I can’t make things happen of my own accord. I don’t want to know that I’m visionless or that I need someone to metaphorically hold my hand all the time.” You stopped to reign yourself in before you sent him running from the cafe in the opposite direction. “Sorry I just unloaded on you.”

His laugh was bright and genuine. “I seem to recall you letting me unload on you at some point in the last twenty four hours. I’m merely returning the favor. Besides, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” He reached down and picked up your long-abandoned pastry and took a bite before setting it back on your plate. “Do you even want the position? If it isn’t something that you want, don’t say yes. It would suck the marrow straight from your bones. If you do want it…Well, someone very wise once told me that sometimes we just have to learn to get out of our own way.”

Using your own words against you was a nice touch. “I do want it. That’s probably why it scares me so much. Sometimes the most terrifying part about gaining your heart’s desire is that now you can lose it.” Your eyes flickered to his and you realized he was climbing to the top of that list at an alarming speed.

The intensity in his gaze knotted your stomach. “That’s true, but the alternative is much worse. To lose something without ever even tasting it… Show me a life of settling for safety and I’ll show you a life of dissatisfaction. You deserve to be thoroughly satisfied.” A sharp intake of breath rushed through your lungs at the feel of his foot lightly brushing the length of your calf under the table. “In every regard.” 

Clearing your throat, you directed the conversation back to him. Another second under his heated stare and you would have found yourself dragging him into a stall in the ladies room. “How do you find satisfaction in your life?”

His smile was wicked with innuendo but his words were sincere. “I enjoy my work. I took over as CEO of the company when my father passed away. Having the chance to build on his legacy is fulfilling for me. And of course my family - being the head of such a large household is where I find the most purpose. It’s time consuming and tiresome work, but it’s very rewarding. My siblings…” he trailed off briefly, leaving you wondering where he’d gone. Remembering himself, he continued. “Watching them all grow and discover themselves, and being able to guide them through it all… I’m not sure I’ll ever do anything more important.”

Your heart swelled with admiration. “They must adore you.”

His laugh was laced with derision. “Hardly. Most days I’m not even certain they like me. It’s hard for them to see me as just a brother, or a friend, when I’ve been parenting them for most of their lives. I’ve been told I can be… overprotective.”

“Ahhh,” you smirked. “So in other words, you’re controlling.”

He shrugged, not at all bothered by the title. “Family comes before all else. You seem to understand that. That’s part of why you haven’t jumped at the chance for this job; You’re thinking of them.”

“It’s mostly my mom. Don’t get me wrong, I know my dad loves me and would be thrilled to have me closer, but he doesn’t need me like my mom does. I think he’s proud of me for venturing so far away and thriving on my own. But my mom… this has been really hard on her. She’s been in full helicopter mode for a year now.” You paused, remembering all that she had sacrificed for you throughout your life. “Staying here, so far away, seems selfish. Especially because it would be so easy for me to relieve her extra stress. I could find a job in New York - it would be fine.”

“A job, yes. But THE job… The one you deserve. The one you’ve earned.” He shook his head, somewhat dumbfounded by the situation. “Sometimes our own happiness requires a bit of selfishness. Besides, isn’t it equally as selfish to make a unilateral decision that impacts her life without giving her the chance to tell you her opinion? I can’t imagine your mother being okay with watching you accept mediocrity on her behalf.”

As if you had said her name one too many times in an accidental summoning, your mother’s familiar voice reached your ears. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. You weren’t answering your phone, and Ellie said she hadn’t heard from since last night. Where have you been?!”

Mortification opened its jaws and swallowed you whole. She was too preoccupied with her fear induced rage to notice the man sitting across from you. It took everything in you to keep your eyes from venturing to his face. The last thing you needed was to start crying from embarrassment. Like a child accepting a very public reprimand. 

“Mom…what are you doing here,” you asked absently, still finding your way out of a stunned stupor. Confusion and disbelief creased your brow as you took in the number of unanswered calls and texts on your phone. Ellie had even reached out in warning of your mother’s war path. “My phone must have been on silent. Sorry about that. Is everything okay?”

“You tell me! When I left you last night  you weren’t feeling well, and then I didn’t hear from you all morning. You had me worried sick.” Still, she didn’t notice Anthony sitting next to you, politely sipping his tea. Your venture off the grid must have really shaken her.

“I’m fine. I just…” you paused, realizing an anger of your own. “Wait, how did you even find me?”

Her posture prepared to defend her actions, but her face still had the good sense to look at least slightly abashed. “Your father taught me how to track your location with my phone.”

The only thing saving her from the weight of your full irritation was Anthony’s presence. But make no mistake, there would be a conversation about this blatant invasion of privacy. “As you can see, I’m perfectly fine. Can we talk about this later, please?”

Coming down from her spiral of overreaction, her gaze finally flickered over to Anthony. You almost pitied her when he flashed that breath-stealing smile in her direction. “I apologize for the distress. I fear this may be my fault. I’ve been rudely monopolizing your daughter’s attention. We bonded during some early morning cardio, so naturally I invited her to enjoy a well-deserved breakfast pastry to undo all that hard work.”

The apples of her cheeks turned the exact shade of red as the aforementioned fruit. Whether it was from embarrassment, or the unavoidable fluster that Anthony tended to evoke, you weren’t sure. She gathered her composure before giving you a skeptical look. “You got out of bed on Saturday morning to workout? That seems unlikely.”

You plopped a piece of pastry in your mouth to hide an uncomfortable grin. “A workout routine was listed in all that recovery research you gave me. I thought you’d be pleased…”

“I’ve never seen you lift more than a coffee before 10:00AM, let alone break a sweat.”

Anthony’s velvety tone captured her attention again. “Well, I can confirm without a doubt that we were both a sweaty mess. She was extremely motivated. It really pushed me to my limits, I could barely keep up.”

You found yourself silently wondering if faking an illness would get you out of this conversation, but before you could craft a plan Anthony turned up the charm. “Would you care to join us…” he paused. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Kathleen,” she offered him demurely.

“How lovely,” he beamed. “Forgive my poor manners, Kathleen. I’m Anthony Bridgerton.”

“Bridgerton,” she practically gasped. “As in Bridgerton House Enterprises?”

You looked between the two of them in surprise. How could she possibly know of him? 

“One and the same,” he confirmed. “Are you familiar with our work?”

“Just what I’ve read about the new Children’s Hospital. What you’re doing is a godsend for those parents. You have no idea what relief that will bring them. To not have to think about such trivial things during the worst moments of your life… that’s a gift.” Her voice trembled with reverence. You knew she was remembering a darker time.

“Ahh, yes.” His eyes lit up with affection. “That is a joint endeavor with my mother. She’s quite passionate about it. She is always looking for like-minded volunteers to join her team if you are interested in getting further involved.”

“I’ll have to remember that…” her tone shifted to one only a mother could summon. “Mr. Bridgerton..”

“Please,” he interrupted. “Call me Anthony.”

She gave him an appeasing smile. “Anthony… I appreciate your offer to join you, but I was hoping to get a moment with my daughter alone. We have some things we need to discuss.”

“Mom,” you screeched.This level of mortification wasn’t something you realized existed.

“No, of course.” Anthony conceded, pushing his chair back from the table to stand. He looked over to you with an apologetic smirk. “It was nice meeting you, y/n. Thank you for a lovely morning.”

All you could manage was a deflated, “You too,” before you watched him turn and walk out the door. Your mind was racing trying to decipher what had just happened. Your heart pounded louder in your ears with each step he took. Before you were so rudely interrupted, he was asking for more time with you. He said he enjoyed himself and wanted to continue exploring each other. But as you watched him walk past the cafe window it dawned on you that you hadn’t even exchanged numbers. You didn’t even tell him your last name. The longer you sat with them, his parting words started to sound like a goodbye. Maybe he had changed his mind after he witnessed the crazy in your life up close. Or maybe he had never really wanted more at all and he was good with using pretty words.

You turned the full weight of your distress on your mother who had taken up Anthony’s vacated seat. “I cannot believe you just did that…”

“Don’t look at me like that, honey…” she was squirming under your heated stare. “Maybe if you would have been responsible and answered your phone I wouldn’t have been forced to take such drastic measures. You can’t just drop off the map like that. How am I supposed to leave you here alone if I can’t trust that you’re being safe?”

She was your mother, and you loved her… but if you didn’t put a stop to this right now and establish clear boundaries, your relationship might reach a point beyond repair.

“Except I can just drop off the map if I want to, mom. I’m a grown woman. I’m not obligated to check in with you before every choice I make. I do those things because I love you, and I know how much you worry - not because you’ve ordered me to do it. I think you’re forgetting that I’m not a child you can control anymore.”

She jumped in, eager to defend herself, “I’m not trying to control you, honey. I just want you to be safe. I’ve been doing this whole mom thing for a long time. I think I’m fairly qualified in knowing what’s best for you.”

A long, exasperated sigh filled the space between you. “I know you mean well, Mom, but this has got to stop. You don’t even see how inappropriate that just was. We need to set up some healthy boundaries. We can’t be codependent forever. Don’t you have things you want to do for yourself? Things you want to do with Dad? Things you have put off for thirty years so that you could put all your love and energy into me? I know I have things that I’d like to experience for myself. I don’t want to be stagnant. I need to challenge myself. Try new things - meet new people.”

She scoffed, “New people… you mean men.”

“Men would be considered people, Mom…” you took a deep breath and tried to reign in your temper. “And I think I was doing a pretty good job until you barged in here like a crazy person and literally asked him to leave. He was nice. I liked him. And you probably just ruined it.”

Remorse started to transform the stubborn resolve written on her face. “He was unreasonably handsome, wasn’t he?” She smiled warmly at your emphatic nod, but if the lip now pinned between her teeth was any indication, she had more to say on the matter. “But honey, do you really think dating is what you should be focused on right now? You’ve been through so much, and if my memory serves me, dating can be stressful.”

Understanding dawned on you. She didn’t want your new heart broken or damaged. In her eyes, it was all so fragile - so delicate. Why would she think anything else? You had let her treat you like a porcelain doll for the past year. 

“If not now, then when? If I’ve learned anything from this year it’s that time is never promised. Whatever time I’ve been gifted, I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want regrets and what-ifs. I want to be in love. I want someone to know me. I want a family one day. I want to get up in the morning with purpose and drive. I want to fail and get back up again. I want to live, Mom… And I can’t do that with you strapped around me like a life vest.”

It was as if I had slapped her squarely across the face. Tears pooled at the corners of her widening eyes. “What are you saying, y/n?”

“I’m saying…” you stopped, making sure to choose the words with care. “I’m saying that I think you should go home to Dad. He needs you too, you know? Go home and unclench, mom. I’ll be okay. Trust that you’ve raised me to be capable, smart and resilient.”

She couldn’t look at you now. Her arms crossed tightly over her chest and she reached up discreetly to wipe an errant tear from her cheek. Rejection chafed at her pride, but you could see that she was fighting the instinct to push back in obstinance. “I do miss your dad…” she sniffled. “And I suppose it wouldn’t kill me to trust you to take care of yourself for a few months. You’ll be home soon anyway - with the hotel running so smoothly. As soon as you hire a manager for them, you can come back to New York.”

The wave of disappointment that you felt at the prospect of her words was waterboarding you. That’s when you knew - You had to take this job. It might be terrifying, but nothing else made sense. “Actually, Mom, there is something that I need to talk to you about…”

~~~~~~~~~~

The day spent with your mother was emotionally exhausting. There was a lot of crying, a little yelling, some desperate bargaining, but eventually she yielded to your decisions. The terms of her departure came with stipulations. You weren’t allowed to go more than two days without talking - though she preferred no more than one - and in person visits were a non-negotiable. She also wanted to be kept in the loop on the dating front, claiming she didn’t want to be left out on the girl talk, but you didn’t miss the fact that she mumbled something about grandchildren under her breath. 

All in all, you were happy with how it all went. It was a hard conversation to have but somehow your relationship already felt better for it. It was the first adult decision you had made for yourself in a long time. She was leaving at the end of the week and you were looking forward to the opportunity to miss her. You were already excited to plan your first visit back home. It had been too long since you saw your dad or any of your friends. 

The blissful high of resolved emotions slowly started to fade with each of your steps as you walked home from your mother’s hotel. It was replaced by an excited, anxious buzz that tingled beneath your skin and turned your stomach topsy-turvy. You had just made a huge decision that was about to change the entire course of your life. You were taking on new ventures in new places, surrounded by new people. No more safety net. It was time to sink or swim. 

Speaking of sinking - your heart had been steadily sinking in your chest all day. Anthony Bridgerton was the first man in a long, long time to make you feel like putting yourself out there might be worth it. You tried to tell yourself to keep your expectations low. It started as nothing more than an exhilarating experiment to reach for your own desires, and you were content with that. He had given you an amazing night, taking you to places of pleasure that no one else had even gotten close to - But then he started making plans. He started wanting more. Or at least it seemed that way. Maybe you had been seeing things through the lens of wishful thinking. Maybe you had misread it all.

The worst part was - now you’d never know. Even though your time together had been brief, it was easy to see him in your life. He challenged you in a way that you craved. Conversation with him stimulated your mind, body, and soul. His lips, his eyes, the way he smelled… His laugh, his frown, the way he tasted… Everything about him made you ache. How were you supposed to keep walking around life pretending that the most intoxicating man you had ever met didn’t just slip through your fingers? Living in the same city, but having him just out of reach, would be a customized form of torture. An insatiable itch that would never stop. 

A list of ways to find him again were already forming in your mind. You knew his full name, so naturally your first step was to check all forms of social media - He had none. Clearly, he was a private person. Thanks to your mom, you even knew where he worked. A quick Google search pulled up a wealth of information that you quickly filed away as useless to you. You weren’t trying to give off stalker vibes. Maybe you would just get lucky and fate would steer you back towards each other again.

You resigned yourself to the depressing notion of waiting as you approached the door of your apartment. Sighing heavily, you searched fruitlessly though the contents of your purse for your keys. “Uugghhh! I have got to get a smaller bag. This is ridiculous. Every damn time!”

Your fingers finally grazed across the cool brass of your keys. They twisted noisily in your lock, seconds away from the comfort of home, when a familiar voice called out to you. “Miss y/l/n! I was hoping I’d catch you. Wait just one moment.”

Your sweet, but nosey, elderly neighbor from across the hall shuffled her way towards you. “Hello Mrs. Finch. How are you this evening?”

A moment of panic flashed through you as you remembered your hallway dalliance with Anthony the night before. You prayed she wasn’t coming to admonish you for it. “I’m doing well, though I suspect maybe not as good as you.” The knowing look she gave you made you want to duck behind the nearby plant to hide. 

Thankfully, a playful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and you could have sworn you saw her wink. “Mrs. Finch, I’m so sorry about that. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

She waved you off dismissively, “Nonsense, girl! If I were your age I’d be doing the exact same thing. Maybe a little more frequently, but still…” You released the breath you had been holding when you were positive she wasn’t here to yell. “I won’t keep you long, I just thought you’d like to know there was a handsome young man here tonight looking for you. I heard him knocking on your door. When you didn’t answer, I got worried that maybe he was bothering you. You’re usually home at this time of night.”

Her sleuthing skills were truly unparalleled. It was a little unnerving that she knew the ins and outs of your schedule so well, but it felt good to know that you had one more person looking out for you. Her snooping was harmless. Mostly, you thought, she was just lonely and bored. From now on you were going to try to make more of an effort to socialize with her. 

“He was very friendly though. And my god, that smile!” Her cheeks blushed slightly at the memory. “Men like that are the best kind of trouble. I’d give him a chance if I were you.”

Hope started to ring in your ears. From the description, there was only one person she could be talking about, but you needed to be sure. “It’s very sweet of you to worry after me like that. I appreciate you telling me. Did he happen to give you his name?”

“No,” she said with a hint of annoyance. “But, he did leave something for you. He asked if I’d keep it safe until you got home.”

Leaning back into her flat, she returned with a white box that was wrapped with a beautiful blue silk bow. She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure you're dying to get inside and open it. Keep me posted on how this all turns out. I’m deathly curious.”

“Thank you, Mrs Finch.” Testing the waters, you stepped in to offer a hug. She only hesitated for a moment before squeezing you back. “I’ll let you know if he is as much trouble as he seems.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you ran your hands over the smooth surface of the sturdy box. Flipping on the light and locking the door, you made your way to the small table in your kitchen. Why were you so nervous? It was just a gift. But if it wasn’t from who you were hoping, you knew you’d be crushed.

The silk of the bow caressed your fingertips as you pulled gently on its edges. You’d definitely keep it. The cool blue shade of it would look beautiful and delicate tied up in your hair. Lifting the lid, your brows scrunched with confusion. Inside was a leather bound book - the same color as the silky ribbon - and a small note card. Scribed with elegant flowing letters, it read:

For your new job. You know you want it, so bloody take it already.

                              ~ A

P.S. - I’ve taken the liberty of listing my contact information under the Resources tab inside. In case you ever find yourself in need of my services again…

A day planner. And sure enough, inside you found his name and cell phone number neatly scratched on the crisp white page. You giggled when you saw the tiny heart replacing one of the letters in his name. Mrs. Finch was right - The best kind of trouble indeed.

Carefully flipping through, you took in all the little details hidden in the pages. The paper was thick and professional. You’d be able to use all sorts of pens without worrying about the ink bleeding through. The craftsmanship of the leather was impressive. You didn’t want to know how much something of this quality cost. 

You were about to turn back to his phone number when something else caught your eye. Penciled in on the upcoming Friday was a reminder. 

Celebratory dinner with Anthony - 8pm

You took your phone from your purse and snapped a picture of the marked date, simultaneously adding his name to your contacts. You didn’t bother telling him it was you. He’d know…

Y: What are we celebrating?

Your heart started to race when you saw those three little dots appear, indicating his immediate impending response.

A: Your new job. Obviously.

You laughed out loud imagining him doing a terrible Professor Snape impression. 

Y: That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think?

Again, a quick response.

A: No.

A: I’ll pick you up at 7:30.

Six days… You only had to wait six days.

_________________________________________________

@faye-tale @musicismyoxygen84 @angels17324 @bridgertontess @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @queenofmean14​ @heeyyyou​

[luesilust]

What is something embarrassingly vanilla that each of the trash quartet are into? (The truest dirt is in the bland crap you're into when you're a trashy boi, am I right?) ☆

Hahaha what an interesting first ask from a “totally anonymous” anon… ✨ Anyway, I actually really liked this question, but holy hell did it fuck with my brain. I’m used to coming up with all the kinky and/or messed up scenarios and suddenly I’m supposed to do the opposite? My brain is confused. The second problem I encountered was: What is actually vanilla? My brain did not help me on this quest either, as every time I got close to thinking up something clever, my brain goes “SPIT IN THEIR MOUTH!” or something along those lines.

PARISTON

Among the trash quartet Pariston is the one I found the hardest to write this ask for. Mostly because Pariston is an enigma. First of all it’s impossible to know exactly what he does and doesn’t enjoy because everything he does is controlled and calculated. I can see him being into one thing with one partner and something completely different with another. His preferences always switch around.

Sometimes the sex can be very vanilla and tender, usually after he’s been partiularly cruel to you. It’s a way to get you to stay with him despite the abuse.

Pariston’s relation to pleasure is also an interesting aspect. I think that for Pariston sex isn’t the goal that drives his actions, but rather a means to get the reactions he wants from you. This means that if he thinks that a gentle “love making” session is what’s going to make his “game” with you more fun later on, you’re going to get the best vanilla sex in our whole life!

I did, however, think of a few of vanilla things Pariston would absolutely loathe in most circumstances! The number one thing being his partner whispering “I love you” lovingly into his ear, while he’s trying to make you hate him.

ILLUMI

First of all, I think very little will make Illumi embarrassed. That being said there are quite a few things he should be embarrassed about. He’s very motivated to continue the Zoldyck line, so sex would often be more focused on the result than what it feels like there and then. So unless he’s using sex as a way to manipulate or reward you, it would get quite mundane... And isn’t that like the most vanilla thing ever?

Another thing he should be embarrassed for is that he usually doesn’t make you cum very often. He almost never touches your clit, so in the beginning you wonder if he doesn’t know where it is, or that he’s one of those who think women's sexuality is a myth. That however, is not the case, because Illumi probably has extensive training on how to pleasure or sexually torture someone because of his assasin training. The reason for his behaviour is that he usually doesn’t prioritize using his precious time to give you pleasure. It doesn’t make it more likely that you’ll get pregnant, so why waste the time. Orgasms are a reward, not a necessity for his wife.  

If you want to break out of the mundane sex, try to gently kiss his neck. It’s a really sensitive area for him that he associates mainly with killing. Gentle touches are new to Illumi, since his skin is used to getting cut, beaten and abused. The first time you dared ttrying to kiss his neck his body froze in the middle of one of your sessions. The kiss had made his body tingle in a very unfamiliar way. As he didn’t stop you, you continued, and following that was the first time you experienced the more gentle side of your husband. His focus was no longer on just being efficient, but rather on experiencing more of that new tingling sensation of your soft lips against his neck. His hips slowed down into a calmer and more sensual pace than the way his dick had thrust into you in an almost methodical way. As a reward he even brought one of his adept hands down to your clit to make you cum at the same time he did.

I don’t think he’d be embarrassed about liking getting his neck kissed, but I think it will puzzle him at first how much he enjoys it. Not only neck kissing, but touching him softly and stroking his back during sex or foreplay will make it more likely that he’ll feel motived to make the sex into less of a chore.

Outside of sex I think he really likes to get his hair brushed and generally taken care of by his wife. Be careful to be gentle though, as he doesn’t like you pulling his hair, and even doing so by accident will lead to some kind of punishment

.   

HISOKA

Hisoka is another one of the trash men that doesn’t get embarrassed by anything. While Illumi can get puzzled by his enjoyment of some things, Hisoka is down right shameless. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, will make this man feel shameful.

Hisoka also has an unique talent of making any vanilla activity into something straight out of a porn movie. The reason being that his entire body is somewhat of an erogenous zone and that he’s, well, Hisoka, so the moaning will be extreme. Gently lick his neck and he’ll be like: *insert Hisoka’s crazy moaning here*

That being said, I can imagine him as being quite adaptive when it comes to his partner’s sexual preferences. If you’re kinky, he’s all for it, but I can see him enjoying vanilla sex as well from time to time, if that’s what you prefer. I feel like he’s more about his partner’s reactions, rather than exactly what is making those reactions happen. It would of course be situation based, as he sometimes would feel the need to be rough when he’s feeling pent up.

The most vanilla thing I can imagine, that even Hisoka can’t make kinky, is cuddling in bed while watching random reality TV. Hisoka actually enjoys cuddling a lot, so spending all day in bed lazily making out and occasionally having sex is something he’d enjoy. The sex would be soft, either missionary or some kind of spooning position combined with lots of kissing and groping. This could only take place after you’ve somehow managed to deplete his energy a bit, because if he’s feeling pent up or have some kind of project on his mind, he will not have time to spend all day in bed with you.  

Lastly, he’d also enjoy massages and he will, for sure, always expect a “happy finish”.

CHROLLO

Despite being someone who mostly keeps people at a distance, Chrollo sometimes really enjoys sex where he’s embracing you. His favourite position being spooning you from behind, but sometimes plain old missionary will be his pick.

You were quite surprised the first time it happened. Chrollo has such a domineering personality and he’d usually demand complete obedience from you both in and outside the bedroom. It does however happen that you see a different side of him. It would happen late at night after you’ve both gone to bed. I see Chrollo as being a very lightl sleeper because of his upbringing in Meteor City. Said childhood has led to him having trouble relaxing when trying to fall asleep, so maybe the sex makes it easier for him to calm down. He’d hold your sleepy form close to his chest as he finishes inside you, falling asleep with you in his arms (inconsiderate bastard doesn’t think about the fact that you’ll need to get out of bed and clean yourself up after, unless you want cum seeping out of you all night).

Even if he won’t admit to it, it's really obvious that he really enjoys having his ears kissed and caressed. Chrollo is a very perceptive individual so his ears are very sensitive to any type of foreign touch. It’s probably also nice to give his lobes to get a little break from all the abuse from those ginormous earrings he’s wearing...

Chrollo is a also a man of deception and if he needs to play the role of a loving boyfriend to someone other than you to get what he wants, he’ll have no problem doing so. He’ll kiss his target lovingly and have the softest of vanilla sex. He says to himself that it’s all an act, but sometimes I think he’d find himself really enjoying the closeness and intimacy, since he usually puts himself above you when engaging in sexual acts. He’ll tell himself that he’s only enjoying it because he’s too immersed in the scenario he’s playing out with his target. This man is in denial and he’ll keep his soft moments far, far away from the troupe.

TW: Crack

He also really loves to recite gothic love poems that he wrote himself to you during intercourse. He’d hold his poetry book in one hand while he thrusts slowly in and out of you tenderly. It all ends in a crescendo as he reads out the last line as he cums, a single manly tear running down his cheek. (Sorry, I had to join the Drag Chrollo Gang haha).

[darlingsdevil]

Give Me Strength Against All Erosion (Arthur Morgan x F!Reader)

Modern AU

I sincerely apologize, I can’t add read more breaks on mobile so sorry for flooding your feed :(

Warnings: drinking, swearing, the usual

Summary: After a recent breakup, Karen drags you to a party, who you see leaves you reeling.

Words: 3.5k

Masterlist

A/N: I’ve been sitting on this idea for a long time haha, this came to me while writing my other fic, How Time Flies. And ABBA songs.. and for some reason Castlevania inspired this, but mostly ABBA.

Angst, angst, and some more angst. And some fluff. Just a dash.

•••

“He’s such an ass! Come on let’s go get some drinks, let’s go party! Tilly’s party is tonight! Let’s get drunk and forget about him!” Karen pulled you up from the cocoon in your bed. She looked stunning, a purple tank top that accented her cleavage and a leather jacket, a black skirt, fishnets and boots.

You groaned, you were a mess. You had been crying all day, wasting away in your bed. Your bed was littered with candy wrappers and old takeout. You felt like you had binge watched every heartthrob movie on Netflix already. Someone can only watch The Notebook so many times you have learned.

Everything reminded you of him.

“We have to go to her party, you already told her you would go,” Karen whined, she turned to your dresser and started pulling out clothes.

You sat on your bed, hugging a pillow.

“I said that when I was still with him,” You grumbled.

“So? Your life doesn’t end the second you lose a man. In all honesty, it just begins.” She told you with a wave of her hand.

“I don’t think I can go,” You hiccuped.

Karen turned around.

“I know you don’t want to go, but you should. It’ll be fun, and you sure as hell need a drink.”

“I’ve already had a drink.”

“I know,” Karen smiled, continuing with her work creating the best outfit for you.

There was no mistaking the empty bottle of cheap whiskey below your bed.

You watched her, biting your lip. The only human interaction you’ve had this week was giving the delivery man money for the food and abruptly slamming the door on him. You weren’t ready for a party. But a party sounded fun, and you needed some fun in your life.

“Do I have to go?” You groaned, falling back into your bed with a thud.

“Yes.”

“Fine,” You drew out the word.

“See? I knew you’d come around,” Karen laughed, pulling out a shirt and looking at it. She turned to you, holding up an outfit she knew you would love.

You were silent eyeing the outfit. You would look really good in it. You sat up, clutching your pillow again.

Karen said next to you.

“What if he’s there?” You mumbled.

“If he’s there, we’ll show him what he lost.”

You nodded.

“You’ll look beautiful, sexy, absolutely drop dead gorgeous. You’ll give him a run for his money.”

“I will?” You asked, wiping away your tears.

“You already are.”

•••

Tilly’s house was in the outskirts of the city, while your apartment was smack dab in the middle. Karen drove, you felt queasy the entire time. You tried your best to take your mind off it, aimlessly staring out the window or listening to Karen’s (awful) pre game singing.

When the buildings became smaller, and the aspect of the city drifted behind you, you finally arrived at Tilly’s. It was early in the night already, but her house was already booming with music. It reminded you of the frat parties you used to attend. Cars lined the streets, it seemed like everyone in the damn city was here.

“I feel sick,”You blurted out, the house almost looked menacing. You could see the outline of people in the windows, and you knew any one of them could be him.

“It’ll be okay, I promise. If anything happens I’ll be with you the entire time. Mary Beth and Sadie are here too,” Karen grabbed your hand, slowly taking you up the steps, she pulled the door open and you looked out once more to the night sky. Tonight would sure as hell be interesting.

You immediately noticed the wave of people. It was seemingly endless. Karen dropped your hand, noticing Tilly walking up to you.

“Tilly! My girl! I’ve missed you!” Karen hugged her tightly.

Tilly laughed.

“It’s been like, three days!”

“Three days too long!” Karen laughed with her. Tilly held out a drink for Karen and another for you.

“What is it?” You asked.

“Drink it and you’ll find out!” She shouted over the loud music. You took a sip, it was strong as hell, the dark liquid sloshed in the cup.

Karen drank too, nearly spitting it out.

“I wasn’t expecting such a kick,” She laughed.

“John brough it, if you wanna know what the hell's in it ask him,” Tilly said. Your heart stopped, you felt sick again.

“John’s here?” You asked her, eyes wide.

“Oh my goodness! I am so sorry, I forgot to tell you!” Tilly covered her mouth. You knew she would never deliberately hurt you.

If John was here that meant the entire ragtag group was, including him.

“Is Arthur here?” You asked slowly.

Tilly nodded, biting her lip.

“I’m sorry, I am. I can try and keep them away from you guys,” She responded.

Tears welled in your eyes, you were not ready to see Arthur again.

“I haven’t talked to him, but I saw him earlier,” Tilly told you.

“Do you want me to give Arthur the heads up?” Tilly asked, Karen rubbed your back soothingly.

“No,” You sniffled, you were an absolute mess. But tonight was about having fun, not crying.

“Okay. Well, I can get Mary Beth and Sadie for you, I’m sure they’d love to see you again,” Tilly told you.

“Yeah, that’d be good for her,” Karen said for you. Tilly walked away, looking for your friends. You felt like every single eye was on you alone, and knowing Arthur was in that crowd made you feel somehow even worse.

“If Arthur tries anything, I’ll beat his ass for you,” Karen proclaimed. You knew she actually would. She grabbed your hand again, pulling you towards the kitchen.

“Come on. Let’s go get some more drinks!” She said over the noise of the party. You held your arm close to your chest, you didn’t want to be seen, especially not by Arthur.

You wanted to leave, but you didn’t want to disappoint Karen.

“Karen, my love!” Sean suddenly appeared. Sean. Fuck. He grabbed Karen by the waist. He mumbled something in her ear, they both looked at you.

“Heard what happened between you and the old brute. I’ll make sure to give him a good beating for breaking my girl’s heart!” Sean said, he was drunk as hell, slurring over his words already. Sean always knew how to party.

“Thanks, Sean.” You gave him a weak smile

“I hate seeing you so down, where’s my fun girl?”

“I’m still here.”

“I know you are, but lighten up a little, will you?”

Karen scoffed, grabbing your hand again. Sean was left in dust, wondering what the hell he had said wrong, probably scratching his head.

“He can be such a jerk sometimes,”Karen told you.

“I know.”

You were supposed to have fun tonight, be sexy, live a little, but you couldn’t bring yourself to have fun, with the threat of your newly made ex surrounding you, you were on edge.

The breakup was messy. Arthur received a job out of state, and you were very contempt with your job now, promotions were suddenly coming steadily. You weren’t ready to restart your life in another state, away from everything you had ever known.

It had been a week, or two, you weren’t sure anymore. You were foolish to come to a mutual friend’s party.

He was here, and you were miserable, nearly drunk and crying.

Karen pulled you to the kitchen, she took your red cup, and poured it down the drain. She pulled a bottle of vodka from the counter, pouring you some in your cup.

“God, that stuff was awful. John doesn’t have good taste in alcohol,” Karen giggled, pouring more in your cup.

“It really was awful,” You laughed, your first real laugh the entire night. Karen smiled, handing you back your cup.

You took a sip, it burned, but it would do the trick.

The music boomed from the living room, you were tempted to dance, but not with a cup of vodka in your hand.

Karen grabbed a beer bottle from the cooler on the ground and opened it with a satisfying pop.

“What happens if he tries to talk to me?” You asked quietly.

“Then I’ll swoop up and go full mama bear on him. He won’t even know what will hit him.”

Just imagining Karen smack Arthur was a funny thought.

You sipped more of your vodka, feeling looser and looser. Atleast you weren’t quite as on edge as you were.

Arthur probably wouldn’t be dancing, he was never much for dancing, perhaps that would be safe to do. If he wasn’t dancing, or in the kitchen, where was he? Luckily Tilly’s house was big, she had worked like hell to get it. There was the basement of course, and the backyard bonfire. The dance floor seemed the only safe place.

“Can we go dancing?” You asked Karen.

“Sure, but let’s wait for Mary Beth and Sadie first,” She said, taking a long swig from her beer.

You watched the doorway to the kitchen, praying every person that walked in wouldn’t be him. It was unavoidable of course, but if you were able to put it off, you sure as hell would.

Mary Beth and Sadie entered. Mary Beth was beautiful, wearing a floral romper, black open toed sandals and wavy curls. Sadie was stunning as well, with her ripped jeans and band shirt, she was wearing a leather jacket too, however, not quite the same as Karen. Sadie had French braids in, and a new piercing on her ear it seemed.

Mary Beth gave you a tight hug.

“How are you doing?” She asked you.

“I’m fine, I guess. I heard Arthur’s here, which won’t be too good,” You shrugged, taking another sip from your cup.

Mary Beth’s shoulders went slack, she gave you a sympathetic look.

“We saw him earlier. He looks just as miserable, trust me,” Sadie told you with a wave of her hand. Karen handed her a beer.

“Karen and I will beat him up for you, trust me,” Sadie nudged Karen with her elbow.

“I know you guys will. Mary Beth and I will cheer you guys on from the sidelines,” You laughed again.

“Go Karen! Go Sadie! You beat Arthur Morgan up!” Mary Beth gave her peppiest cheer.

“Who’s beating up Arthur?” A voice asked from around the corner.

Dutch.

Sadie groaned, mumbling something under her breath.

“Be calm, my ladies. I’m just bringing my men some drinks, I’ll be gone soon enough,” He said dismissively.

“Where’s Arthur?” Sadie asked him, glaring at him as he pulled some beers from the cooler.

“Backyard with the rest of us. I’d avoid it if I was you, rest of the guys are cheering him up.”

“Cheering him up?” Karen scoffed.

“Last time I checked, he broke up with her,” She continued.

“That's none of my business.” Dutch gathered his beers and headed for the door.

“You ladies have a good night,” He said while leaving.

“We sure as hell will,” Sadie narrowed her eyes.

Karen and Mary Beth burst out with laughter.

“Let’s go dance!” Karen cheered, pulling you with her. Your cup of vodka was discarded at the kitchen counter.

The dance floor didn’t seem quite as menacing anymore, no wonder they called alcohol, liquid courage. Body’s swayed in the dark mass of people. The bright strobe lights were damn near blinding.

Karen and Mary Beth already began dancing, their arms moving to the tune, body’s swaying. Sadie wasn’t much of a dancer, but she seemed to like this song.

So why weren’t you dancing? You were motionless in the sea of people, your eyes wandering to the screen door that led to the backyard.

You couldn’t see out, but you knew he was there. The music seemed to fade away, almost like falling asleep. You were awake one moment, and you were in the realms of sleep moments later.

The outside looked like a portal, mysterious and intriguing. It was right there. He was right there. You could so easily walk out there and tell him how much you’ve missed him, praying he would take you back.

But Arthur didn’t want to see you. It was over, you were both finished.

It’s like your heart beat with him, like you could feel him just on the other side of the barrier between you.

Sadie shouting your name woke you up from your trance. It was somehow even more ear splitting than the deafening music.

“What?” You shouted over the music.

“Are you okay?” She responded, looking into your tear filled eyes.

“Can we go talk?”

Sadie nodded, pulling you aside, she led you through the crowd to the kitchen again. The only safe place in the house it seemed.

It was much quieter now. Your heart thrummed in your ear like a steady drum.

“Have you talked to Arthur at all?” Sadie asked, leaning against the counter.

“No, not since he broke up with me,” You bit your lip, the words came out choked.

“Well, I did. I talked to him yesterday. He’s not handling it very well. I know you want to talk to him.”

“No, not since he broke up with me,” You bit your lip, the words came out choked.

“Well, I did. I talked to him yesterday. He’s not handling it very well. I know you want to talk to him.”

“What did he say?”

“For starters, he was drunk out of his mind. I had to swing by his apartment to make sure he didn’t die,” Sadie continued.

“Thank you for taking care of him, Sadie.”

“Yep. But, he was pretty much out of it. He mumbled a few things about you, I’d never seen him so distraught. I got him in bed though.”

You wiped away your tears, giving Sadie a hug. She always did give the best hugs.

“I think it would be in your best interest to talk to him. Maybe not tonight, but in the next few days. I think it would bring some closure for the both of you,” She told you.

“Yeah, I think so too. I’m just afraid, what if I can’t do it or he yells at me?” You felt weak, embarrassed that you were acting so fragile.

“Then, like I said, Karen and I will swoop in there.”

“Thank you Sadie, seriously. Where would I be without you?”

“Probably dead in all honesty.” She laughed.

You stared at her for a moment.

“Let’s go dance some more,” You said with newly found cheer.

This time, you led Sadie to the floor. Mary Beth and Karen were still dancing like the goddesses they are.

You swayed to the music, letting your body feel the music. You let go of worry for a moment's notice. The music was uplifting and fast, a song you could dance to.

Worries and fears melted away, in that moment, it was only you and the music. Nothing else mattered. You felt like the only person in the room, above all else.

Karen, Mary Beth, and Sadie were all elated to see you dance like no one was watching.

The song was coming to an end, and you felt yourself slow. Like your veins were stopping pushing blood through your body.

You were coming down from your high, your cloud nine experience. When the music finally stopped, you took in your surroundings. Looking towards the screen door, you saw him.

Arthur was there. In the corner. He was staring directly at you.

You instantly felt sick, you split through the crowd, racing to the front door. It was all too much.

The crowd was left behind, your friends shouting your name.

Anxiety filled your entire body like a virus, taking over every part of your being.

You reached the door, pulling it open, relishing the feeling of the cool air on your skin. It was too damn hot in that house. You slid against the porch, falling to the concrete with a thud.

Tears fell from your eyes freely. A thousand memories, a thousand thoughts rushed through your mind like a tsunami, forcefully upturning everything you had ever known. Your face felt hot, but the cool air felt absolutely wonderful on your hot skin. You tried wiping away the tears but they kept falling. It felt suffocating, like you were trapped in your own body.

The front door opened, letting the noise from the party enter your small slice of heaven. You looked up. Mary Beth, Sadie and Karen watched you with caring eyes.

“Arthur was just coming in for a beer,” Sadie said first.

You rested your head on your knees, looking up at your best friend’s.

“He really was. He didn’t know you were here,” Mary Beth continued.

“I think I just want to be alone right now,” You mumbled, staring out towards the deserted street.

“Alright, well, we’ll come check up on you in thirty minutes, okay?” Karen opened the door, looking at you one last time.

You nodded, continuing to stare at the street. You could see the lights from the city. Your home was there, everything you had ever known resided in that city. You wondered what would have happened if you went with Arthur to his new job, everything would be different, and you sure as hell wouldn’t be sitting on your friend’s porch crying your eyes out at a party.

Minutes passed as the tears rolled on. The lights twinkled from the city.

Arthur was hurting too, you remembered. Neither of you had much of a choice, you still loved him, as much as you didn’t want to, you did. Your heart ached at just the thought of him, your chest felt heavy.

You inhaled deeply, you shook with every breath. The tears kept coming. It was a mistake to come to this party, you would rather be at home in bed, with a bottle of whiskey and ice cream.

The door slowly pushed open. You didn’t bother looking up.

“Nice night, ain’t it?”

You froze, your heart pounding in your ears.

“Go away,” You said, your voice weak.

Arthur was silent, he leaned against the doorframe. You didn’t dare look at him.

“I know you don’t want to see me.”

This time, it was your turn to be silent. You allowed your head to fall against the wall. Arthur sat down next to you. You immediately felt your body tense up, like a big red warning sign was going off in your head.

“But we need to talk.”

“About what, Arthur? What could you possibly have to say to me?” You snapped at him. It was like the words weren’t even yours, anger consumed you.

“I don’t know. I guess that I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?” You stood up, brushing yourself off, turning away from him.

“You know I had no choice,” Arthur said, almost accusingly.

You scoffed bitterly, you turned to face him. His face shattered your heart, it was like his eyes were begging you to understand. Tears welled in your eyes again as you felt your anger crumble into sadness.

“Where did we go wrong?” You asked him, your bottom lip trembling. All you wanted was a hug, and him to tell you it was alright. You wanted him back in your bed, wanted him to hold you when things got rough, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

“I don’t know,” Arthur said quietly. He looked as handsome as ever.

“I’m sorry, Arthur,” You slowly walked towards him, your hand reaching up like you were waiting for permission, your hand was right in front of his chest. He leaned into it, and pulled you into a hug.

You sobbed into his chest, it felt so good to just get it all out, he gently caressed your hair. The two of you stayed that way for what seemed like hours. His hug felt so secure, like you were exactly where you were supposed to be.

“I’ve missed you,” Arthur said. The single sentence held so much meaning, so much depth.

You let go off his warm body, looking directly into his eyes that seemed to peer right into your very soul. God, he was handsome.

“I’m not taking the job in Phoenix,” He said after a moment.

You lightly gasped.

“You’re not?”

Arthur shook his head.

“Why?”

“I realized there’s a lot more here for me than there is in Arizona,” Arthur reached out, and lightly held your chin, forcing you to look directly at him. You slowly leaned into him, your eyes fluttering shut.

It felt like the first time. He kissed you slowly, it was welcoming and intoxicating. Arthur felt like home. He was your home.

When he finally pulled away, his eyes looked like they were swirling, clouded with emotion.

“Can we just go back to normal?” You asked.

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” Arthur responded. He kissed you again, this time with less hesitance.

“I missed you too,” You said when he pulled away.”

“I know.”

•••

[comicteaparty]

July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

!?

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Oh

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

[sage-nebula]

I’ve always wanted to play the fire emblem games, but I never knew which to start with or if it even matters. What would you recommend?

Hmm, well . . . I’m far from a series expert given that I’ve only played three games out of the series (with Three Houses being my third), and the fact that I don’t even know exactly how many games are in the series to begin with. But with that said, I would say that---at least when it comes to the three games I have played---I don’t think it matters very much which game you start with, so long as you’re not starting with one that’s a direct sequel to another.

I mean, to begin with, to my knowledge there are still many Fire Emblem games that were never localized outside of Japan. I’m not sure how many of those there are, just as I don’t know how many games are in the series itself, but for instance, I know that Marth’s primary game (games?) at the very least was (were?) never localized, and the same with Roy’s (which I think is different from Marth’s). This is why they only had Japanese voices in Smash Bros for so long. Setting aside the ones that weren’t localized, the ones that were localized a long time ago tend to be extremely hard to get a hold of nowadays, and very expensive if you do. The two that come to mind most readily are Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn, one of which is a direct sequel of the other (and I’m not sure the order on that one), but both of which are very expensive if you try to buy them off eBay (which is your best bet since they’re out of print now). If you don’t want to spend that cash you can pirate them, but that involves homebrewing your Wii, which is another challenge in and of itself. Until Nintendo wisens up and puts Gamecube and Wii games on the Switch Virtual Console (and then adds those games), they’re not exactly readily accessible to players who want to try them out today.

So I don’t think you’re at fault for not experiencing games that were never localized to a language you understand (unless you’re fluent in Japanese, in which case by all means go play the older ones, and also I’m envious), nor are you at fault for not paying hundreds of dollars for a single game, or trying to homebrew a Wii so you can play a pirated version. Furthermore, at least when it comes to the three Fire Emblem games I’ve played (Awakening, Fates, and Three Houses), you don’t have to have played the older ones, because outside of references to older ones made here or there (which is mostly relegated to Awakening for reasons I’ll get to in a second anyway), the older ones aren’t relevant---and even then, you don’t have to understand the references in order to understand what’s going on, and any you do need to know (e.g. Tiki’s relationship with Marth in Awakening) are explained.

With that said, if you were looking to get into Fire Emblem fresh right here and now . . . well, as I said, I’ve only played Awakening, Fates, and Three Houses. I can only talk about these three games, and I’m sure much more passionate and experienced Fire Emblem fans could point you in the direction of others (though I’d ask them to please do so on their own posts because I don’t want Fire Emblem discourse in my notes). But in my opinion, I would have you start off with the game I started with, which is Awakening. 

Fire Emblem: Awakening was created both as a swan song for the series, as well as a way to try to save it. Basically, from what I’ve heard, Nintendo was ready to cancel Fire Emblem outright and never make another game for it because it wasn’t making them the kind of money they wanted. (That it wasn’t really localized / marketed well in the west is something i’m sure didn’t help, but that’s another issue altogether.) Intelligent Systems, the developers who make it, were given one last shot to make a game that would create the kind of profit needed to save the series, and so they created Awakening, a game in which the story largely surrounds primary characters trying to prevent a dark, hellish future riddled with death and despair (which I imagine is how the IntSys devs felt about their series being canceled, haha).

Long story short, their plan worked.

Long story long, the reason why their plan worked is because Awakening is accessible to newcomers in the series, while still having modes of gameplay similar to older Fire Emblem games (a.k.a. more punishing) for veterans of the series. (Actual veterans have plenty of discourse to say about this, but again, I don’t want discourse on this post, so please don’t.) Namely, Awakening introduced Casual Mode, in which if you lose units in battle, they only temporarily retreat from the battlefield instead of being killed off forever as in older Fire Emblem games. It also has a difficulty setting, so you can play on easier difficulty levels if you’re new to the series. Further, while I’m pretty sure that even older Fire Emblem games had support systems between characters that unlocked conversations and such, since a large part of Awakening focuses around family, the supports in this game involve actually getting to marry characters to each other, and so for those of us who like to participate in fandom, the aspect of getting to make our ships* canon was appealing as well.

(*Sadly, this only applied to het ships. Awakening does not have any same-sex options whatsoever. IntSys is . . . only very slowly getting better about this.)

Anyway, on top of all that, Awakening has a really fantastic plot, wonderful characters, and very fun gameplay. The animated cutscenes are beautiful, the voice acting is top-notch, and the music is gorgeous as well. It’s definitely not overwhelming for a newcomer (in fact, the entire point was that it wasn’t supposed to be since IntSys wanted to save their series!), and since it’s a 3DS game, it shouldn’t be very hard to get a hold of. So if you wanted to start anew with Fire Emblem, I’d recommend starting with Awakening, since that’s what IntSys intended anyway. :)

After Awakening they released Fates, which is a garbage fire better off avoided. Fates was released in three simultaneous installments, all full priced (with maaaybe a slight discount on the other two if you bought one? I think??): Birthright, Conquest, and Revelations. In order to get the full story you have to at least have either Birthright or Conquest, and then buy Revelations on top of it. You cannot get the full story without Revelations, and you cannot get Revelations without either Birthright or Conquest. So it’s basically one game for the price of three, and much worse than Pokémon since at least with Pokémon games you can get the whole plot in one game if you want, and trade for the ‘mon you’re missing. (Or at least you used to be able to. RIP National Dex.) With Fates you can’t do that. On top of that the main character is the worst, they made the shipping aspect creepy (at one point you’re supposed to blow on your 3DS so that it can seem like you’re blowing on your spouse’s face . . .), and the plot is just mind-bendingly awful. The only redeeming quality Fates has is this song, and honestly, it pains me that such a beautiful song is attached to such a terrible game. But seriously, just do not waste your time on Fates. It is not worth it.

There were a couple releases after Fates that I didn’t play, most notably Echoes, which was a remake of an older game in the series (though I’m not sure which one). However, the next main main release in the series was the one that just came out, Three Houses, which fixed EVERYTHING Fates did wrong and, in my opinion, is quite possibly even better than Awakening (though I still love Awakening to pieces and always will, don’t get it twisted). Most notably, while there are now FOUR different story routes, they’re all contained in the same game, so you only have to purchase one game to get the full story experience. Also, while there are even more ways to interact with characters now (e.g. having tea with them, eating meals with them), there are no creepy “blow gently on your system” moments, or “stroke the stylus to pet their faces” moments. The romance in the game (which only happens if you want it to) only occurs at the very end as well, at that, so it’s a slow burn romance no matter what. And lastly, the protagonist this time around is truly a silent protagonist, so you don’t have to deal with having a protagonist who, in the words of one liveblogger:

Granted, the Fates protagonist, Corrin (or as I like to call them, Corn), only works for their evil dad in Conquest, but believe me when I say that they are no better in the other routes. Corn is basically the Bella Swan of Fire Emblem, in every conceivable way. They are the worst. I hated them throughout both my Birthright and Revelations playthrough. We are blessed for not having to put up with a protagonist like this one in Three Houses, trust me. (Especially since Corn was such a downgrade from Robin in Awakening . . . and then one paralogue has the sheer audacity to compare Corn to Robin, like . . . how dare they . . .)

So anyway, this is an extremely long post and I’m sorry for that, but ultimately the TL;DR is:

It doesn’t matter too much which one you start with, since most of them are not sequels of each other.

I recommend starting with Awakening if you’re a new player, and so does Intelligent Systems, the developers.

Fates is a garbage fire waste of money and you are best off skipping it.

I have no opinion on Echoes, but I’ve heard it’s good.

If you have a Switch, definitely pick up Three Houses when you get a chance, since I’ve already put about 60 hours into it and I’ve only had it for eleven days.

And once again, other Fire Emblem fans, please do not start discourse on this post, I do not want to engage in the discourse, thank you. 

[purplesurveys]

474

Tumblr makes the spacing kinda weird by the end, idk why but I hope it gets better for everyone else who wants to take this haha.

ONE - HI THERE! It’s an intro!

What do most people call you? Robyn. In what month is your birthday? April. What country were you born in? The beautiful but politically miserable Philippines. Do you have siblings? How many, if you do? I do; I have two. I’m the eldest, but they aren’t that far off from me. Who do you live with? I’m still studying so I’m living with family for now – mom and dad, a sister and a brother, and a dog. I really want to move out in the next couple of years though.

Are you in a relationship? Yes. Do you go to school? As I said, yes. I’m in university but I’m supposed to graduate next year. What mood are you in right now? Well, I wrapped up my internship last week and my entire weekend was booked with stuff I did, so now I’m just super glad to be home and bum around after all that hectic-ness. I just had 8 hours of sleep and am feeling pretty well-rested right now. What does your shirt look like? I’m wearing a big-ass gray Knicks sweater that’s like 3 sizes bigger for me. What’s your zodiac sign? Taurus.

TWO - Your Appearance

If you could have plastic surgery on any one body part, what would it be?Boobs. They’re so abnormally small that I’m tired of having to waste what would have been completely bomb outfits just because of my chest.

Are you satisfied with your hair? It could have less baby hair, honestly. But I’m fine with it for the most part.

Do you have a hitchhikers or a straight thumb? It’s a straight thumb. My left pinky is quite crooked though.

What colour are your eyes? Dark brown.

Do you have any tan lines? No, I haven’t gone to the beach in a while.

How old do people usually think you are? I just asked this question to Gabie last week and she said that I look 15.

What about your appearance do you get complimented on the most? Face and my overall figure.

Are you comfortable with your weight? Sure, but it’s always worrisome when I get to the lower 90s.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Where? Yeah, just the basic earlobes piercings that my parents got for me when I was a couple of months old.

How tall are you? I am 5′1″ and a half. I’m shorter than 5′2″, that’s for sure.

THREE - True or False

I love winter. Neither true or false as I have never experienced snow. I think I’d love it though.

I have eaten meat in the past five days. True. Filipinos eat meat a lot.

I have painted a room in a house. False. My mom is so controlling over adult things like that so she hired people to do it to all our rooms.

I can whistle. True. I learned pretty early.

My keyboard is black. True-ish? The buttons are black, but the spaces between them are silver.

I have never bought something off an infomercial. True. My mom would be so furious because it would be her money anyway.

I own a snuggie / would like to own a snuggie. False.

I bite my pens / pencils. False. I do bite my straws though.

I wear glasses / contacts. True.

My nails are painted right now. False.

FOUR - Childhood Memories!

What was your all time favourite movie as a kid? THE GAME PLAN, without a shadow of a doubt. Watched that shit everyday through third and fourth grade. My runner-up would be High School Musical.

Do you still have your first pair of shoes somewhere? Doubt it. My mom isn’t big on memories like me.

Did you have anything you always dragged around the house, like a blanket?Nope. I did use my parents’ blanket as a cape some days, and other days it would be a gown train and I’d pretend I was the Queen, but I wouldn’t drag it because it would get dirty.

What toy did you play with the most? I was always into grownup stuff so I always got kitchen appliances, dollhouses, etc. I once had toys that mimicked a pizza restaurant and it had a pizza roller and it was super fun for me haha. Once I got a pretend cash register though it was game over for all these bitches.

Did you ever bring your favourite toys in the bathtub? We didn’t have a bathtub, but yeah we would bring in our toys when we would shower.

Did you used to take baths with siblings/cousins? ^ Ooh, barely missed it. Yes, we did.

Are you still friends with your best friends from long ago? A handful are still my best friends. I keep in touch with most of my batchmates from my high school because we’re all close and we’re family and there was generally very little drama – and if there was, it was easy to let go.

Do your parents ever tell you stories about how cute/silly you were? They have several stories, but I was mostly a quiet kid who didn’t like getting in trouble.

Did you go to the park often? What was a typical outfit for the 5-year-old you?Blouses with a girly pattern, denim jeans, and Nike rubber shoes. The top always has to be tucked in.

FIVE - FAVOURITES

Actor/Actress: Kate Winslet

Singer/Band/Both: Beyonce / Paramore

Chocolate: Reese’s

Toothpaste: ??? Whatever we have at home I guess?

Picture of yourself: Nah man, not doing that here.

Pair of sunglasses: I don’t have a favorite.

Vegetable: Broccoli!

Sandwich: Monte Cristo

Aspect of nature: Waterfalls

Word to say: “Literally”

SIX - Love Life ;)

Who was the first person to ever ask you out? No one’s ever asked me out before. Although I think that dude from one of my classes in sophomore year intended to…but I dunno. We were paired up together for this class and he wanted to spend time with me in a coffee shop after our work was done; I didn’t feel comfortable just being by myself so I told him in advance that I was gonna be bringing Gabie…never heard from him ever again :/

What does your ideal date consist of? Dinner somewhere nice (Italian or Japanese) should be enough for me.

What’s one thing your partner must be able to accept about you? I get sad and I’ll need loooooooong stretches of time alone some days.

Does your ideal person have any special talents? She can paint and draw. She doesn’t really share these with other people but she does with me.

Do your parents like the person you’re with? (Or the last person) My parents liked Mike and were convinced something was happening between us lmao. They don’t know about my relationship with Gabie yet.

Do you like pet names? Yes when it’s just the two of us. Publicly, I control myself, cos I know it annoys me when other people are too showy/vocal. Like I don’t call Gab pet names when we’re out with friends; and when we’re out at the mall or whatever, I’m not very physical other than holding her hand.

What is your age range? Same age. I can’t imagine dating someone younger or older, but then again this is because I haven’t had any other experience.

What is one attribute that your ideal partner must have? Sincerity.

When was the last time someone seriously said “I love you.” to you? This morning.

Have you ever been in more than one relationship at a time? No.

SEVEN - The wonderful world of the Internet!

What is your most used website? Probably Twitter. It’s the first thing I check everyday.

Do you play any online games? Other than playing on Y8 when I was younger, no.

Which chat program do you use most often? Messenger.

Facebook vs Myspace- which is better? I haven’t used Myspace in a hot minute, so I’ll go with Facebook.

Is there someone you met online that you’d like to meet in person? Yes, I’m still waiting to meet Aliyah. Girl is in BGC every single day but I can’t seem to grab lunch or dinner with her!

Have you ever sold something on Ebay or Craigslist? No.

Have you ever gone on Chatroulette? Or Omegle video? Yeah, when I was like 12 and curious about the Internet haha.

Are there any videos of yourself on Youtube? I don’t think so.

Mac or PC? Mac.

Have you ever Googled your name? I’ve Googled my username before, but not my name.

EIGHT - This or That?

Twilight or Harry Potter?

French fries or potato wedges?

Liquid ortape white out?

Digital or film camera?

Nail clippersor nail scissors?

Rock, paper, or scissors?

Beard or mustache?

Knee high or ankle socks?

Hockey or basketball?

Mr Clean or sponge and ‘the other leading cleaning product’?

NINE - Be cool, stay in school!

What subject are/were you best at? It’s always history, or social studies in general.

How old will you be when you graduate high school / how old were you? I was 18 when I graduated.

Isn’t there that point in the year when you stop caring so much? Yep, it’s usually when you’re a senior.

Do/did you have any really cool teachers? In UP? Absolutely. There’s a lot of shitty profs, but the cool ones are way too hardcore.

Who is/was your most strict teacher? Sir Ruel in my old school. Old man was and is such a fucking loser. Once had a comment about my breasts and I never forgot about it. Also kicked me and a bunch of other kids out of his class in fifth grade because we didn’t have crayons. He actually got booted by the school for a year because a parent complained about him, but he came back after.

Where do/did you sit at lunch? In high school, the cafeteria was too crowded so my friend group would hang out in our classroom, since most of us were classmates. Right now, lunch just depends on my schedule and where I happen to be by noon.

What do/did you do at recess? Catch up on homework I skipped the night before.

There’s always that one kid who no one really knows, right? LOL, yes.

Is/was your cafeterias food actually any good? It used to be good. Then they kind of hired this company to start making the meals starting junior year and the food was never as good again.

Do/did you have a stereotypical school, with all those cliques and such? You can say that. We had popular party kids, smart but still cool kids, soccer players, the basketball players who all turned out gay, kids who kinda just hovered in the middle, and those who were kinda brushed to the side were the theatre and anime kids.

TEN - Randomly Platypus.

Do you like your toothbrush really wet when you’re brushing your teeth? Not really wet. I just make sure I’ve put it under the running water before applying the toothpaste.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Not into anything at the moment.

What was the stupidest dare you’ve ever done? I hate dares, so I don’t do them haha.

Do you enjoy playing with tape? No?

What’s one word/phrase you say too much? LITERALLY. Which is a problem because most of the time, the things I associate the word with aren’t literal.

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating? 2017.

What did you last use a knife for? Haha, my orgmates were cooking up lunch and I volunteered to chop up the onions. Fun fact: First time to use a knife, ever.

When you open a pack of gum, why is everyone your best friend? Because gum is always a good idea.

What has been on your mind way too much? Completing my requirements for internship so I can submit them as early as possible.

Did you actually enjoy my survey? Sure. Categories are always fun.

[luxexhomines]

S

Ahhh, thank you guys so much for asking!! I just compiled them all into one post so I don’t clog up your dash with several posts. Here we go! I’m going to tag this as discourse and put a cut because my answers to the letters might not please everyone, aha. It’s long, too. Major spoilers for NDRV3.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Honestly, I’m not super sure at this point. Surprise, surprise, I only just recently finished watching the rest of NDRV3 and started writing for it. And I haven’t thought about tropes that much, though I’m sure I’ve written plenty of them into my writing at some point, even if not posted on here. 

If we’re going to go Danganronpa-centric, as this is my side blog for Danganronpa writing, I’d say that I fall in love with characters that are contradictory and with seemingly bipolar or gray morals despite probably having morals as straight as an arrow myself, i.e. Nagito or Kokichi. The characters playing “straight man” and relating to the reader’s perspective are also my favorite; in a wacky situation, they offer reason and normal reactions, which I would peg Hajime as (maybe Kazuichi, too, although he’s more of a crybaby). In fanfiction, I just love hurt & comfort fics, especially involving–you guessed it–Kokichi. I am particularly partial to the Oumota chapter 5 and chapter 5 trial rewrites, which, lucky for me, both of which are quite often rewritten by spectacular writers.

If we’re going in general, I always end up reading manga with an independent, strong and decisive character that crosses worlds and/or bodies by accident or death and becomes incredibly powerful/influential in the world and dominates over other characters with skills ranging from cooking to fighting. I guess I read a lot of manhua with martial arts or other manga with game aspects to it.Writing-wise, I love reading slow burn fics, even if I haven’t read one in quite some time. 

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

I have a feeling this is going to go into highly controversial areas, so if you ultra ship Kaito x Maki, please turn away now...

I just hate that “man saves woman” from herself or traumatic past trope. Don’t get me wrong, I love hurt/comfort like I mentioned, but to specify, what I mean is when a strong and independent woman needs saving by a man. I realize Maki has a lot of issues from her past as an assassin and that Kaito is a viable, good option for helping her out and facing those issues, but the fact of him being a man and the way he just swoops in and fixes things forcefully by pulling her along for training just irks me. And before you ask, yes, if Kaede did it instead as a woman I would have less of a problem with it, even if I don’t like that somehow after a couple days of training together Maki somehow is better able to get along with others and most notably Shuichi despite having spent the previous entire time cooped up in her Ultimate room alone, is willing to use her experience as an assassin to help out with the investigation when she just walked out in the past, etc. Problems from a past like that would never be so easily faced in reality; people and their minds are much more stubborn than we’d like to think, too. 

In general, I am also highly averse to the Women in Refrigerators trope. To some extent, I feel that Kaede fits this trope, as a.) she is an important, pivotal, incredibly fleshed out female character and even the initial protagonist of ndrv3, b.) she dies arbitrarily for a murder she did not commit, c.) a big part of her death is written into Shuichi’s character development for making him grow as the protagonist (he sheds the cap, faces the truth, and the memory of Kaede’s last wishes serves as his support to reveal the truth several times in trial), and of course, d.) her death in the execution is grotesque as befitting of a Danganronpa execution. Kaede deserved so. much. more.

There are probably more out there, but I won’t mention them for the sake of length & time. 

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Okay! So don’t hate me for this, but I haven’t been really keeping up a bunch with fanfiction writers or specific ones that much. It just hasn’t ever been a habit of mine in the past to follow one writer–ironic, I know. There’s one that immediately comes to mind, but she’s not part of the Danganronpa fandom, so unless someone asks, I’ll leave her out of it. However, there are a couple of writers that I recently discovered through the Oumota weekend event and which I follow on my main blog, and I thoroughly enjoy reading their work. Their work also contains mentions of NDRV3 spoilers!

1. @kirastrations

I recently reblogged her work on this blog because I have so much love for the Oumota fic she wrote (which deserves more love!). It’s called One by One, One After Another, and I simply adore the way she writes Kaito’s character and experiences with the other characters throughout the game and the overarching feeling that comes across as a result of the situation and what ensues. The diction choices she makes is absolute art; I see the imagery so clearly in my head, and not a single word of hers is wasted. It’s concise while being aptly and most beautifully descriptive. Even though I’m not a huge fan of Kaito, the way she writes him and his actions make me love him. I would describe the work as a futile yet desperate and exquisite struggling, an embodiment of angst that is so beautifully painful that it appears to be an illusion. I haven’t had a chance to check out other works from her just yet, but that’s on my to-do list!

2. @golden-redhead

I love, love, love their work too. They recently posted Lavender, a Kirumi x Kaede (Tojomatsu? Kaerumi? Kirumatsu?) work for femslash Feb, and it is a post-reality Virtual AU short fic. The way they write the interaction between Kirumi and Kaede offers such a delicate, carefully constructed image and story while creating some tension between the two. They also format the story with Kirumi’s thoughts in a simple and straightforward way that is just so delicious to read. Aspects of Kirumi explored are small things that unravel into a bigger statement about her character and the nature of the killing game and the impact it has left on her. It reminds me of the way a player might gently stack up a house of cards–attentively, with a sharp eye and feel. 

3. @starlightwritesalie

They wrote these two Oumota fics for the weekend that I fell in love with, especially the one for Day 1: Heroes/Villains. Sometimes when living in the world of Danganronpa, you forget that these tragic situations and the killing game are experienced, in essence, by children. You can argue that they’re older than high schoolers for the first two games, but mentally they are still high schoolers, and let’s face it–a couple years above the legal age of being an adult in America, 18, can hardly be counted as an adult, either. They reminded me of that sickening fact so poetically yet bluntly, and the story they write only serves as a further reminder of that fact. They write statements about the situation and how the pair act in the situation that are so agonizing yet irrefutable–as is the situation that they’re both trapped in. The ending is so unbearably cruel, packed with pain, but the way they create it is so decisively soft and snatches away my breath with the truth at the heart of the game, the situation. 

So there you have it! Sorry that my answers are so long... I have too much to say, and especially about the people whom I adore. Since it said to pick 3, I didn’t get to include these two, but I also love aroseandapen and mystic-mints dearly. If you ask, I’ll write a whole paragraph on why I love them, too, although I suspect by this time you all are getting rather tired of all my talking, haha. I also didn’t include imagines blogs, but if you’re curious, feel free to ask about that since I am still kind of a imagines blog! I guess at this point I’m kind of a fusion of an imagines blog and normal fanfiction writing blog.

Thanks for asking, and if you have any more questions, feel free to shoot an ask!

[ieleoelei]

And then we wonder WHY WE HIRE THE WRONG PEOPLE...

Image: Gerd Altmann, Tumisu & MagicDesk from Pixabay

Businesses are all about people. Besides money, we all know that that one crucial aspect for the success of your business is… THE STAFF. Your business idea can be the goose that lays the golden eggs; you can have all the resources, a very positive market research result, a perfect financial and cash flow forecast, the most suitable and creative sales and marketing plans and strategies, and all the investors ready to put the money on the table, and anything else you can imagine but if you don’t have people to run it... forget it... it’s going to be a failure for sure; and not just people but...THE RIGHT people. Finding employees to cover a position is a good start, but finding those stars that seem to have been made for that specific job, can lead your project further beyond than what you ever imagined.

Sometimes we take recruiting for granted and forget that, in fact, it is a whole science. It’s actually not surprising that there is an entire academic field, and a whole industry behind it. (Very profitable by the way!). So the question here is: why the heck after so many decades of recruiting experience we still select the wrong people? Why even after having spent thousands in headhunting services Mary quits after three months. And why after a ten-steps process including interviews, polygraph, psycho-technical tests, case study solving tests, and even blood and urine sample analysis, we still have to fire John after we all happily signed the working contract and celebrated with a champagne bottle!

I discussed this issue once with the General Manager of a pretty big company that provides medical and pharmaceutical goods to entities in the health industry, and he told something like: “well… we cannot forget that the business of all these headhunters is just finding someone, not finding the perfect, star match. Once they have found a person for you that could possibly do the job they charge you for their service and they’re done and gone. But they rarely commit to find a perfectly matching candidate; this would be actually not profitable for them. They just want to find somebody quickly, and get their part of the business. So… they are to blame!

However, that is not the main cause of the issue. In fact, part of the answer has always been right under our nose! It might sound stupid but, haven’t you ever stopped to think that, in general, HIRING PROCESSES ARE A BIG THEATRE STAGE WHERE EVERYBODY LIES?! And we actually seem to be pretty good actors but in the end, very deeply, we know very well that we are all playing a not-so-funny game. To start with, we have our outstanding candidates who all seem to inflate their resumes by making “objects in the mirror be bigger than they appear” by actually including false information, especially in those gap periods where “you should NEVER show that you went through unemployment months”. I remember once attending a recruiting talk at my university given by HAYS, one of the biggest worldwide known recruiting firms, where the speaker, a senior recruiter, shared how he randomly started once asking to interviewees what percentage of theirs CVs was invented or false... AND A LOT OF APPLICANTS CAME UP WITH PERCENTAGES! He was shocked, just as we all were in the audience. Now, after having submitted the CV, during the interview we all describe how we are the best: of course we have done that thing we are asked if we’ve done, we have experience in the field, this has been our dream job since we were kids, we are fans of the company we’re applying to, our biggest weakness is being perfectionists and the worst mistake he have committed is that we should have been more ambitious that time when we set the sales increase rate at 50%. In the end, we are just perfect! Of course, right?!

HIRING PROCESSES ARE A BIG THEATRE STAGE WHERE EVERYBODY LIES!

On the other hand we have our heavenly organizations, where jobs couldn’t be more interesting and exciting, that offer us incredible working conditions: a great atmosphere, promising careers, additional benefits, off course not extra hours and never in a million years extra workload, all of that for a very competitive salary, in a company committed with its customers and whose input to the world is important. And of course, the job description is totally clear. I mean... come on!!! AND THEN WE WONDER WHY WE CHOOSE THE WRONG PLACES TO WORK!

So why does this happen? Easy: if we all said the truth people might never choose our places to work and our HR departments would never choose them to work for us; just like if a presidential candidate said the truth... well, no one would vote for him, right? So we all prefer to invisibly agree to go for a common delirium. Crazy, huh? Mentioning our “dark sides” is a big taboo but it is also the most important thing to know!!! If there’s something sure is that we will work in imperfect environments with imperfect staffs, and that include all of us. So, why not approaching that with less fear? At least we would be consciously choosing the imperfect. What if we just said the truth? How many years will have to pass until we have mature, honest and transparent recruiting encounters? Daring to say the truth and face the reality could help us both find a better person for the company and a better workplace for the candidate, and avoid the costly, wasteful, regretful, long and painful experience of having decided for “the wrong one”.

Mentioning our “dark sides” is a big taboo but it is also the most important thing to know!!!

Read more…

YES… OF COURSE I, MYSELF, HAVE LIED IN INTERVIEWS

I might have lied more, but I especially remember this one time; I went to an interview at the French well known cosmetic company Pierre Fabre, in Castres (if I remember well). And here’s the one and only lie on my CV: very hidden, at the bottom of the resume on the “Other Interests” section I had written that I was proficient in Adobe Photoshop (haha!). Well, guess what, the senior manager that interviewed me said that he was glad I was good using Photoshop since it was going to be very useful for the position (it was a communication role). You can imagine what I was feeling when I was listening to those word! The funny thing is that … a couple days after, I received a call saying that I had been chosen for the job!!!! Shame on me.

AND YES… THEY HAVE LIED ME TONS IN INTERVIEWS

Hasn’t it happened to you that your boss asks you to do tasks that where never mentioned as part of your responsibilities but that are his/hers? Typical, right? I my case I ended up doing the most boring duties ever, including gathering all his yearly business trips receipts and preparing the tedious formalities for their reimbursement, among many other off-position tasks. And this was at a very prestigious multinational company. Dumb of me to not have complained!

Now “Lie” might be a strong and wrong word, because in some other cases it is not always about lies. Sometimes it’s just that the position is not even clear for the company, and sometimes they just happen to have a blabber mouth. In other of my positions I was clearly told that I would have a top management position with full decision power an autonomy (I could not move a finger without asking my boss, not to mention the budget management ban which affected the core of my position), where I would have to design a project (everything was already designed, I just had to deploy what was settled), that 70% of the position would be strategy and 30% operative (it was actually 10% strategy 90% operative), that I was going to get a monthly bonus based on performance (only happened half of the times), that I was going to have a discount on my health insurance and benefits for my family members (never happened), that I was NOT going to work “that many” extra hours (it was a daily thing… no kidding), that weekends I was going to be off (hahahaha!). OHHHH!... and they forgot to tell me that I HAD to work on bank holidays. Except for Christmas or New Year where I had the lucky chance to choose one to be off. Yay! (Yeah… this is called crossing the line… no wonder why I quit).

YES… I HAVE HEARD CONFESSIONS OF HOW PEOPLE HAVE LIED IN INTERVIEWS

Here are some:

“They only part where I lied was where they asked me if I already had experience in that. I said yeah, and actually came up with an example.”

“I had the job description, so I researched about the methodology expertise they were looking for, and read about it during three entire days, and… during the interview I just invented an experience where I used that methodology as part of one of the roles that appeared in my CV. J!

BIG SCANDALS ABOUT LIES IN RESUMES

The previous Mayor of Bogota, Enrique Peñalosa (whom I do not hate… I’m just bringing this example as it is accurate) was discovered to have lied in his CV, having added among his education titles a Master’s Degree and a Ph.D that he never did!!! (I know…. I was also like “Really??!!!!”).

Talking about Colombian politicians, it is common for some (including our current President!!!!!!!!!!!) to say they are Harvard Alumni, which is not entirely false… it’s just that they have taken a one-week course or even a couple-days seminar…

TRENDY: INTERVIEW LIES IN OSCAR-WINNING MOVIE!

The topic appears in the double-oscar-winning movie that made history in February 2020! The first non-English-language film that ever gets the Best Movie award!!!

The movie starts with a lie in an interview and... Nobody would ever imagine what lying in an interview could lead to!!!! Watch it! You'll be shocked! Congrats to the winning team!

#BreakingTaboos #NoMoreLying #Hiring #HiringChallenges #HiringSuccess #HiringAdvice #HiringAdvices #HiringStrategy #Recruiting #RecruitingChallenges #Parasite #Oscars2020 #SouthKorea #BongJoonHo

[purplefictionmom]

I'd normally be like "ALL THE QUESTIONS" but I'm really interested in 7 and 15 (but like if you wanted to do them all then hell yeah pls do)

You know what, Imma answer them all, cause I love you darling~

All answers under the cut, cause I’m sure I'll get long winded, as usual haha

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?I mean, there was a story that I had been sitting on for...10 years, I think? I just didn’t know how I wanted to tell the story. It started as a mockumentary type of thing, then when that didn’t fit the narrative style I wanted to tell, I moved to a classic modern fantasy style, but that didn’t pan out either.

Then, the game called “What Remains of Edith Finch” came out and it hit me so hard that I nearly passed out: that is the perfect narrative style for the book idea I’ve been sitting on!!

Incidentally, if you haven’t played/watched someone play it, “What remains of Edith Finch” is an excellent game and Jacksepticeye does a wonderful let’s play of it :D

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Not as much anymore, but I used to hate bringing up “...And the Things That Followed.” Just for a short what-for: ATTTF is a Left4Dead/2 fanfiction, reader-insert that started as a sort of experiment: I perused lunaescence and picked a fandom that I was familiar with, but that didn’t have a lot of fanfiction to choose from. I mostly wanted to see if smaller fandoms stay active, even with very little content to choose from. And boy, did I get my answer.

The biggest reason that I ended up embarrassed over it was because I hadn’t intended it to be a romance fic (I mean...the two main characters are the reader and a Hunter, and what with necrophilia being really gross and all...), but I had readers out and out demand for it, to the point of going on strike from reading my fanfic. This was years ago, mind you, so I caved like a wet noodle and now hate that particular fanfic, to the point where I don’t even want to write the two sequels that I already had planned and half-written.

So, it started out as embarrassment, now its more I wish I could just delete it and forget it exists, but I’m one of those authors who has a really hard time deleting anything, even things I hate haha.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?For the very first, ultimate scene I picture in each fic/story/novel, it could really end up anywhere in the final version.

After that first initial scene I see, I try to start as far back as I think I can get away with and move forward from there, so I guess the short answer is I write from beginning to end, no matter how it ends up being at the end, haha.

4) favorite character you’ve writtenI guess this is supposed to not include characters I don’t own, but that’s no fun so here you go:

OC: A supernatural Hunter named Silva and another hunter (who I have an rp blog for) named Theodora ‘Timmie’ Wilson

Non-OC: Writing Yusuke from YYH and Asgore from UT

5) character you were most surprised to end up writingI’m not quite sure what this question means, so I’ll just take a stab and guess it’s talking about how a character can end up differently on paper than how you first envisioned them in your head.

And that award goes to Silva. I expected her to be a hard, cold killer, but she had so much inner turmoil and hidden thoughts that she was definitely the hardest character to write until I actually started to understand her.

Which took an ungodly amount of time, tbh haha.

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowProbably how often I use the double-hyphen. Its meant to be an alternative to using commas (which, I use to many as it is anyway haha), but now they litter my writing like popcorn on the floor at a midnight release, haha.

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?Honestly? A little of both.

I’m someone who sees fanfiction (and any fanwork at all, tbh) as legitimate art forms, but there are so many who not only don’t agree, but they belittle and question those who participate in fandoms.

There are days I have all my shit together and I’m ready to defend my fanfiction to the death, along with all my original content; I have my sources, I have examples, so on and so forth, but other days...

Well, let’s just say there are days I don’t even volunteer that information to people willingly haha.

8) favorite genre to writeOther than fanfiction, I love horror, fantasy, and scifi the best, though there are plenty of times it feels like I’m hardly writing for any of those genres at all, haha.

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?Fanfiction, most of the time, but I also listen to songs on the radio, discuss ideas with friends/family (my step-dad was the only person when I was growing up who nurtured my love for telling stories and many of my ideas for novels came from talking with him over the years), or I also like to free-write.

At least, I think its called free-writing haha. I basically just put my pen on paper and just talk to the page with my pen. Sometimes, its just a rant, but more often then not, I’ll find a story or character hidden there.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?All of the above, haha. In the perfect atmosphere, music is playing in the background, and I’m completely alone with no distractions, but since that’s not reality, I’ve sort of forced myself to adapt to what I can.

My computer (where I do 90% of my writing) is in the living room of my house, so my hubby is usually around, and if he’s playing overwatch, then its usually a few voices playing in the background.

If it gets to be too distracting, I just put headphones in, but I also write in notebooks and I take those everywhere, so for that, I just write when/what I can as I go along.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?Definitely dialogue, but also my prose. Honestly, all of it, haha. I look back at stuff I wrote years ago and I wonder how anybody thought I was any good, haha.

12) your weaknesses as an authorIf I had to pick one, its probably that I tend to either over-explain, or under-explain. There is no in-between, haha. My first drafts are often a mess of me focusing in on the details of one room and then not describing a setting for two chapters or more.

13) your strengths as an authorProbably my ability to logically follow order of events, even though I don’t plot, like, at all. This also makes it easy to see where I can divert from what’s expected and explore different avenues.

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?Not really? I tend to either put my whole library on shuffle, or I have a dedicated writing playlist that’s full of background music from video games and other things like that.

15) why did you start writing?It started as an outlet.

When I was about 10, my dad came home from work one day while my mom was still at work and while I watched, packed all his stuff into his car, called my mother and told her that if she didn’t get off work soon I’d be home alone, and then left.

I was in a complete and total depression from around then until well into my late teens (I have a little depression now, and a slew of other problems, but now for diff reasons). On top of my dad leaving, my mother, step-father and I all moved to a completely new state, where I started to bomb academically and had literally no friends until almost a year later.

It started out as angsty pre-teen poetry (a lot of which actually still pretty good, even as I go back to read it), then it spilled into fanfiction and fandoms, and around the age of 13--once my step-dad found my love of writing and wanted to pull me away from fanfiction--I finally started writing original ideas out.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?Silva, and a few others. Not so much because their stories are left untold, but moreso because of the way they helped shape me as a writer and the things I was interested in writing about.

The debate about whether or not a writer should write about a certain subject usually stems from readers, but I tend to lean toward the argument from a writer’s point of view: there are subjects that I broached as a teenager that I needed to explore in order to be who I am today, as a person and as a writer. Not to say I have something horrible in my writer’s past that I wouldn’t be able to share, but more that it might be questionable about the age that I delved into those topics. (and no, I don’t mean just smut, though that is included in what I’m talking about)

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?Stop wasting your time trying to please family members with what you write. Most of them are going to ignore the whole of your writing and focus in on the one swear word you threw in for characterization anyway.

Write what makes you happy; whether or not its publishable isn’t the point. You’re just starting out and you need to write; to get better, to learn the ropes, so just go WRITE!

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?Oh geez...at the beginning, everything I read affected my writing style. Fanfiction, published novels, everything.

Probably my biggest influencers would be “The Green Mile” by Stephen King, “The Hobbit” by JRR Tolkien, “This Present Darkness” By Frank Peretti.

And while these are hugely different authors with different writing styles, they more influenced me in my way of thinking. Of expanding my imagination of what could be if I just had the courage to write it.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?I either have a notebook filled with notes about characters/information, or I use a website called Hiveword(dot)com. It’s a novel tracking website that also advertises its program (which you have to pay for), but the website itself is free and you can store all the information about your book, characters, timeline, etc.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?Both, but I get more done with longer sessions. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but its more because of how I prep myself for my writing time:

I have to have a glass of water or cup of coffee, I have to have my music playing (which, with spotify could take a few minutes to load), I have to re-read the last page or so of what was previously written so I can get back into the feel of it, then I can actually sit down and write.

the little spurts end up being in my notebooks and they’re a mess, honestly, haha.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?I used to cringe and close it immediately, but I’ve been trying to analyze and see the biggest differences in my writings from a then and now standpoint. Sometimes its really hard, if its particularly bad or whatev, but its been a real confidence booster when I can see where I was and where I am now.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?Not uncomfortable, per se, but I tend to try and think of things from a reader’s perspective at the same time I write, so there are times when I get a little too involved in what’s happening on the page, haha.

HIAPOTS was a terror to write at some points because of this.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?All of it, if I’m being honest, but obscure things specifically? Hmm...

I mean, probably the fact that I give all my pets personalities and conversations between each other? I do it without thinking, but there are times where I’ll find myself using lines or situations from this weird little thing in my actual writings, haha.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?OMG SO MUCH. Like, idk about ‘expert’, but I have so much useless trivia in my head because of being an author. Talk with me for an hour and see if I don’t throw ‘fun facts’ into the mix of our conversations haha.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud ofOh ugh...umm...let me to look...

From a currently unpublished reader/sans fic I’m writing:You understand, don’t you, Sans? 

Sure, Sans understood. Sans always understood. He was the one who didn’t make waves, or overturn boats--you could always count on Sans to be the reassuring nod when you felt lost or the understanding ex who’s perfectly okay with just letting things die, even though the ending came as the greatest punchline ever written in history:

He hadn’t even seen it coming.

(I love delving into characters’ heads, and i love it more when i can do it well enough to feel comfortable with letting other people read it, haha)

From Part 6 of my Garrus/Reader serial fic:“They were my cases,” Garrus admitted, his eyes finally leaving Castis’s in favor of looking at the floor, “And I can’t watch it happen again.”

If Castis didn’t have such a steely reign on his composure now, Garrus might have been clued into his father’s line of thought. As it was, Castis was being forced to realize that he had been wrong in his assessments of his son.The older turian had always thought Garrus shirked the rules and regulations as a form of rebellion, since Castis stepped in and forced him to quit training for the spectres--as if to prove he didn’t care about what his father cared about. Now, Castis realized the reason Garrus pushed them aside so easily was because he did care, maybe too much.

(Honestly, the whole argument between Castis and Garrus in this part of the fic is something I’m proud of)