#imagine it actually turns into a murder mystery :0

[st4rry-fruitz]

((based off this post)) omg im Thinking.. big game of clue / fake murder mystery at cellbits new house... sorry im taking the halloween/spooky imagery and running with it 😫

[slightlyplant]

ok i am going to begin playing ghost trick some time in the next two days (probably tomorrow) and i know Genuinely Nothing about this game besides the trailer (i haven’t even read the description of it) so here is what i think it is about

- so yellow guy is dead right (i think) and i imagine he just stays dead for the whole game and he’s like a mia fey type assistant to the athena girl except he’s therefor the whole game and not just at random parts

- athena girl gets accused of murder at some point

- yellow guy can possess people and this is used in puzzle solving aspects of the game—he also talks to other ghosts that are related to the mysteries they’re trying to solve

- i’ve seen ominous things about the lamp????? i have decided the lamp contains some sort of spiritual energy and is maybe evil actually. maybe it was like. the murder weapon used to kill yellow man. or maybe i’m still in my ace attorney brain idk maybe it’s a shapeshifter and it’s another ghost or it’s ,,, idk i have genuinely 0 clue

- missile has done nothing wrong ever

- they have to prove the athena girl’s innocence in some matter (i think this was in the trailer i also forget everything that happened in the trailer) leading to them becoming a detective team, and it turns this matter was also connected with yellow man’s death. i would imagine this sort of plot point is brought up in the last part of the game for the drama of it all

i am ready to be SO UNAPOLOGETICALLY WRONG about everything 💛💛💛

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 1,801

[S] WV?: Rise up.

Storyboards: http://readmspa.org/storyboards/01801.swf.html

Song used: Skaian Skirmish by Andrew Huo and Toby Fox

Author commentary:

[S] WV?: Rise up is another big, splashy, game-changing animation. We get a megadose of worldbuilding when it comes to the Battlefield, which has been a fairly mysterious, neglected cosmological feature up until now. It evolves to become more complex with each player entry, and only begins resembling a planet on the third change. When it reaches planet form, that's when it finally serves as a viable stage for a major, global war between the two kingdoms. And remember that time is screwy for these game-construct settings. Once they come into being, it's as if they've always been. In other words, when the Battlefield turns into a planet, suddenly it's as if it has always been a planet and a war has been raging there for years.

0:26 - It's very fortunate for the peasants that their planet-sized chessboard is arable.

0:43 - In this big chess analogy, these guys are pawns, I guess. The analogy must be pretty loose though, because it doesn't seem like any of them are respecting the grid they're marching over at all.

0:49 - Yeah, I… I'm going to have to admit, this is where the chess analogy breaks down completely. This is just fucking Star Wars now.

0:52 - The big rook freak there is a brief glimpse of the cruelty and horrors of genetic engineering for the purposes of royal warfare.

0:59 - WV began life as a simple farmer. It's a small enough detail that I don't actually remember if he was a defector from the Derse army who started to farm, or if he began that way because for some reason the kingdom also supplies a stock of peasants to farm the land while a battle rages on. Either way, he's an extremely war-weary guy, and not happy at all that the nice, tall grass he was farming just burned down.

1:05 - The incineration of WV's can-themed farm is what triggers his hatred of kings and their warmongering tyranny. We knew he hated kings, and now we know why he hates kings. You can check this off your list now.

1:09 - Here's our first glimpse of a king. His scepter, rather than a magic ring, is what grants him the power of the prototypings. It also makes him huge, and thus a formidable opponent, and is why he's basically the final boss of any Sburb session, assuming the game goes how it's supposed to. Just like chess, obviously: you kill the king and you win.

1:12 - The scepter is a pretty special object. Aside from granting powers and size, it has Skaia itself sitting atop it. Not a mock Skaia, as an ornament, but the real Skaia, as a smaller instantiation of itself, currently contained within itself as a recursive construct. Flying into the Skaia on the scepter is exactly the same as flying into Skaia in the center of the Medium. You could then travel down to the Battlefield, find the king, and fly into Skaia all over again. But if you leave Skaia, you'd never fly out of the scepter. You'd always just fly out of Skaia. Got it? Imagine him using this as a weapon in the final battle. He swats one member of your party with it, and suddenly they find themselves all the way at the edge of Skaia, and they have to fly down to the Battlefield to rejoin the battle, wasting valuable time. It's a nasty end-boss move that can disrupt your tactics.

1:24 - Two things are brewing here. WV is organizing his mutiny by recruiting disaffected troops from both sides. Meanwhile, Jack is flying overhead, planning his massacre by sizing up all of WV's troops for a nice murder spree.

1:29 - Racism is over.

1:33 - This is all part of the White Queen's gambit. Hand off the ring and scepter to PM, so she can keep them safe, while WQ and WK get out of Dodge and meet on post-apocalyptic Earth to colonize it. She realizes this session is hopeless, and there's nothing much else to do but escape, start a new civilization, and blow up all the bridges between Earth and the session. It almost works!

1:38 - It's of some interest to note that PM is holding the scepter. Which means that wielding it, unlike wearing the ring, does not grant powers to just any carapacian. The scepter apparently only works its magic on kings. As Jack proves later though, you can still wield the scepter and utilize certain powers it has, like initiating the Reckoning.

1:42 - Sburb as an infinitely complex game of Silly Chess means it has a few loose parallels with the rules of chess. In chess, the king, while essential to keep alive, is a very weak piece. The scepter-bearing kings here obviously are very strong, so that's a departure. But one similarity is of a tactical nature. The kings here are still these slow, lumbering things of very limited tactical value. They stay on the Battlefield, don't cover a lot of ground, and are kind of sitting ducks when someone nasty like Jack flies along. Whereas queens have far greater tactical maneuverability. They generally stay on Derse, but can really go anywhere and can do a lot of damage, armed with their very powerful rings. But again, as in chess, they generally stay put for a while and are only deployed once strategy demands it.

1:52 - It's probably considered bad form by just about any other carapacian to think about destroying a king's scepter. That's not how a cleanly fought war is supposed to go. But Jack is designed to be a cheater.

1:55 - I wonder if WV is second-guessing why he was ever even mad at this guy. He looks like he could be a nice buddy, if they decided to bury the hatchet right here. Too bad it will be a moot point soon.

1:57 - Featured above: one of the worst fistbump malfunctions of all time.

1:58 - What would have happened if Jack hadn't intervened here? Would WV's insurrection have succeeded? There isn't much reason to believe WV's army would have defeated a giant prototyped king, so most likely Jack just saved WV's life. Sburb includes a lot of possibilities for making things interesting outside of its usual programmed path, which probably includes potential for little pawn guy mutinies like this now and then. But it wouldn't be much of a game if a bunch of pawns could take down the final boss before you ever meet him. The possibility of a Jack mutiny being successful, in which case he simply replaces the final boss, is a much more interesting way for the game to mix things up.

2:06 - I really have no idea how Jack crammed that crown on his head, over his jester prongs. Are those like…floppy? Did he bunch all the prongs together first, and feed them into the hat, before yanking it down for them to rip through the fabric? He also only has one arm to accomplish all this. It seems awkward. Whatever he did, WV sure wasn't thrilled about the spectacle.

2:10 - Then this scepter just stays here until [S] Descend. I can't for the life of me remember how it actually gets from this location to being in Jack's possession. Hang on while I flip ahead to the end of the book. Oh okay, it's CD. He picks it up and gives it to Jack. Of course he does. What a little scamp.

[mejomonster]

I have branched off from Yakuza games and am now playing Judgement

1 this game is so fucking pretty

2 Ryu ga gotoku games are like. 1/3 fun weird do what you want slice of life 1/3 serious deadly angst crime drama 1/3 cutscenesssss (the movies so many movies and I'm used to kingdom hearts level cutscenes but damn rgg games feel like I'm Playing a yakuza TV show sometimes for both good and bad)

3 Yagami wears skinny jeans I'm calling him a millennial (although he may be Gen x and older than me? Depends how much younger he is than kiryu I guess o3o) I just think it's funny I'm playing this adult private detective in a white undershirt a leather jacket and skinny jeans he just looks like me in college lmao. U roll up to the yakuza family who paid ur lawyer degree and can commit crimes while ur fucking Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright who accidentally got a real serial killer acquitted and u look like a bisexual college disaster. Congrats. Ur really rocking A Specific Vibe my dude. Nothing like Kiryus "I'm wearing my 80s suit forever or else a Hawaiian flower shirt" vibe but definitely A Distinct one. It makes Yagami feel way more modern but like... My age group modern rather than the gen z modern kid who probably just turned 18 when this came out

4 Yagami. I'm a gay shdjfj I'm sorry death note did this to me. It's beyond hilarious to me he's got a same last name as Light Yagami thank FUCK this Yagami is an ex lawyer and now private eye. If he'd have been yet another cop I would've well. Dreaded his potential as anything but evil frankly. Even Date, Kiryus bro, quit the force to be a journalist (at least for a while).

5 finally a return to form in the sense there's MULTIPLE CUTE MEN ON SCREEN. Yakuza 0, Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2 all basically gave u hot leads and hot bad guys. Basically if a fucker was hot and not ur best friend then he was gonna be the main villain. Then I played Yakuza 7 Like a Dragon and for the most part very few hotties (saeko, tianyou, the guy with white hair, and maybe ichiban if you happen to like that kinda guy but if u didn't think kiryu was eyecandy then ichiban isnt really either). I'm glad there's now like at least 1 cutie on screen again at all times. Cause I can be shallow sometimes. Djdjf also the pick for Yagamis coworker ex yakuza guy is like nishiki eye candy compared to the kiryu/ichiban variety (which I love with my whole heart but it's not oogle type). His coworker is like akiyama or Tachibana or majima design wise. It's <3 and with a flowery kiryu type shirt but long sleeved and silky

6 I am still reeling that ur basically playing Phoenix Wright if he fucked up and saved a serial killer. But still impressive u know, to win as a defense attorney in Japan with that 99.9 conviction rate (also kudos to the game saying it immediately). I wonder if Yagami has his own Edgeworth? (God but not shinitani his sempai nooo not him he's introduced to early! Tho... u could argue he's his lawyer rival kinda).

7 playing all evening I still haven't found any side missions? I hope this game still has side stories??

8 I actually love the detective portions which I imagine annoyed some people but I love being a little fucking detective figuring stuff out it's why I love Devil Summoner Raidou game and mystery shows and novels and its just fun to me puts a little spice on a murder mystery story shdhd in yakuza games kiryu just hears a bitch dies, now I get to go figure out if the fucker actually killed someone. It's fun to be in like a random outsiders shoes while functionally the same opening to Yakuza 0 happens where kiryu doesn't kill a guy but is suspected. Except instead of playing the suspect, u play the outsider trying to figure out who's actually dropping ppl dead in kamurocho. It's a nice fresh perspective shift on a pretty common plot occurrence in the yakuza games.

[whatudottu]

Hmm, thinking about that one forgotten au/hyperspecific scenario I had once dreamed about (and it’s not because I totally watched Death on the Nile or anything no no) and that’s the fucking 2 Lies 1 Truth ‘story’ didn’t have much of one before-

For a little context because 1) it was a hot while ago and 2) I did absolutely nothing to tag it lmao- this little idea is a little TFP based plot though it could totally be taken out and just uses the prime iterations of characters where somewhere somehow Dreadwing, Airachnd and Makeshift were in some battle, Dreadwing got hurt real bad, Makeshift just so happened to have picked a dead Skyquake disguise to use as fire power and Airachnid, seeing opportunity to reap rewards out of not one but the assumed two mecha that are honour bound to pay her back a favour. Turns out- instead of wrapping two brothers around her webbed fingers, she instead scored one honour-bound mech and a shifter that would be slagged for impersonating a dead twin.

Something about watching some good old murder mysteries just made me think about this little plot, maybe seeming to be a little more dire than simply that whole ‘the mech who’s brother you’re pretending to be owes me a favour, i can have you slain without a drop of energon on my hands’ scenario, but as some form of ‘okay, we’re currently stuck and two of us are lying scumbags’ crash land or just overall kind of fucked can’t get away so easily situation.

It’s probably why I just - upon introducing the ‘au’ - opened it up to be more than simply a Transformers Prime plot but as something in that realm of ‘let’s see what happens if an astute individual finds their way into this god awful reality tv scene and has to play a game of 2 lies 1 truth’-

This isn’t really a ‘hey i’m making an actual au for this’ post, but I’m making it now because I am just really putting Makeshift through the wringer. Like- just imagine that you’re pretending to be someone else in a scenario that will not get other folk involved, probably even knowing that that person is dead and they will not find you being them. Then, suddenly, you realise very quickly that your little disguise has a fucking twin of all things, one that’s still kind of alive but is very much on the verge. And instead of getting the chance to ensure you’re not fucking killed for being a walking talking corpse of a person they now more about than you do, swooping in to rescue them is a notoriously cunning individual who knits weaves of lies and connections as inherent skill of their functioning. Makeshift went from 0 to 100 to fucking shit real fucking quick!

Something something, enter Dreadwing who has not seen his brother in so long, yada yada, the person who he perceives of as Skyquake seems to be actively avoiding him. Perhaps alone it would be reason to suspect, but with another mech Airachnid around, Dreadwing cannot specifically pin down an idea to mark- he hasn’t seen his brother in so long and Airachnid was never especially part of the main crew often if at all, he cannot automatically assume that Skyquake and this new ‘Con aren’t connected in some way.

And technically they are connected, by a tight grasp by one little arachnicon who just so happened to see that Skyquake wasn’t here and that Makeshift stood in his place. Oh to not only have a favour owed to be later cashed in, Airachnid happened to score a long duration favour where if she just so happened to give Dreadwing just that little extra sliver of information, of a little scant ‘I’ve not known him for long, has Skyquake been acting weird?’ thrown his way, she could have Makeshift’s head free of charge.

I don’t know, I just also think the idea of what Dreadwing sees as ‘Skyquake confiding in Airachnid rather than his brother’ moments to be very sweet tense moments of ‘shit shit shit have I been caught?’ whilst master manipulator Airachnid sits with her poker face grin laced with the lies of previous acquaintance.

This is a shit post but- uh... 2 Lies 1 Truth gets a tag now lmao

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[rowaning]

The Complete Fiction of HP Lovecraft rated by me, someone who read them all* but has a terrible memory

The Beast in The Cave: uh a guy goes on a cave tour and finds a creature that was like a human that got lost and adapted to its surroundings. 0/10 just because im pretty sure there was another one with this exact premise and neither of them were memorable at all.

The Alchemist: dude achieves immortality and lives in the narrators basement and has pledged to murder his entire lineage or something. 4/10 the alchemy stuff was actually kind of interesting

The Tomb: im pretty sure this is the one where a guy starts hanging out in a tomb and like travels back in time/becomes one of his ancestors? 5/10 if its the one im thinking of i did enjoy reading it

Dagon: guy lands on a mysterious island with signs of a long dead civilization. 1/10 i do not remember what happened in it

A Reminiscence of Dr. Samuel Johnson: 0/10 i have no memory of this

Polaris: also 0/10 i forgot all about it

Beyond the Wall of Sleep: could be any of the dream focused ones. if its the one about the dude sailing into the void or whatever than 4/10 not too bad

Memory: ironically, i dont remember it. 0/10

Old Bugs: 1/10 for the title god i wish i remembered this one

The Transition of Juan Romero: i got nothing. 0/10

The White Ship: this might also be the one about the dude sailing into the void? i liked that one he lived in a lighthouse and boarded a dream ship and just fucking left it was fun. 4/10

The Street: uh i think really steep street that didnt actually exist. 3/10

The Doom that Came to Sarnath: i wanna say another one of the dream centered ones where a town discovers some old relics and blatantly disrespects them and gets exactly whats coming to it. 5/10 they deserved what they got

The Statement of Randolph Carter: ok this dude shows up several times. i think this one is about how he returns to his childhood home then travels back in time and creates a time loop paradox thing. 1/10 meh

The Terrible Old Man: uh some thieves harrass a weird old guy and get got. 5/10

The Cats of Ulthar: someone is mean to a cat in a dream city, all of the rest of the cats get revenge and are revered for the rest of time. 2/10 (-3 because lovecraft has a specific name he gives to apparently every fictional and real cat he encounters and wow i wish he hadn't)

The Tree: i feel like this is something to do with a person becoming a tree but i cant actually remember. 0/10

Celephais: yeah no i got nothing 0/10

The Picture in the House: also nothing 0/10

The Temple: nope 0/10

Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family: is this the one where the dude's great grandfather married an ape? i dont think so but im not sure. 0/10, -5/10 if it is that one cause that one was especially shitty

From Beyond: nope 0/10

Nyarlathotep: charismatic dude shows up and is like get in bitches we're going to the void. i love nyarlathotep cause hes the one who directly interacts with humanity and like wears a human suit or whatever so hes just some dude whos like hey im gonna feed you to azathoth 5/0

The Quest of Iranon: got nothing 0/10

The Music of Erich Zann: narrator makes friends with an old musician whos being hunted by supernatural forces. 2/10 because i remember it but it was just ok

Ex Oblivione: 1/10 for the title but i have no clue what it was about

Sweet Ermengarde: lovecraft's sole attempt at comedy. not to my taste like at all 0/10

The Nameless city: nope 0/10

The Outsider: also nope 0/10

The Moon-Bog: sounds cool, dont remember it. 0/10

The Other Gods: dude tries to find the gods of humanity where they live on a big mountain, actually finds them, is immediately smited by the Other Gods who protect the gods of humanity. 3/10 he deserved it

Azathoth: dont recall, 0/10

Herbert West- Reanimator: Arkham man Herbert West and his assistant ressurect the dead with little thought to the consequences, then get murdered by a band of said resurrected dead. 5/10

Hypnos: nope 0/10

What the Moon Brings: also nope 0/10

The Hound: still nope 0/10

The Lurking Fear: again, nope 0/10

The Rats in the Walls: dude returns to his ancestral home, hears rats, excavates the basement and finds out that his ancestors ate human flesh, eats his friend. 1/10 it was an interesting read but can lovecraft please stop calling cats that.

The Unnameable: no clue 0/10

The Festival: nope 0/10

*Under the Pyramids: ok im pretty sure this is the one with houdini which is the only one i could not read. i went into this mentally prepared for lovecraft's bigotry but i was not mentally prepared for him dropping harry houdini, avid skeptic who absolutely would have beat the shit out of him for this, into the middle of his super racist paranormal horror. -1000/10

The Shunned House: nope 0/10

The Horror at Red Hook: also nope 0/10

He: cool title, no memory of the story. 0/10

In the Vault: wow im bad at this. 0/10

Cool Air: still no 0/10

The Call of Cthulhu: kind of all over the place, there was a thing about artists and then a thing about a cop investigating a cult. 3/10 meh but ill give it a bonus for being a staple of horror fiction.

Pickman's Model: uh artist sees some wild shit and draws it and then it eats him. 2/10 i forget the details

The Strange High House in the Mist: if this is the one im thinking of, dude does a dangerous climb to find a mysterious house and meet the inhabitant who is kind of interdimensional and also being hunted by interdimensional things. also maybe the house eats people? 2/10

The Silver Key: another Randolph Carter one, and i think this is actually the one about him travelling back in time so idk what the other one was. 3/10

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath: randolph carter goes on a quest in the dream world to find the gods of humanity and ask why they wont let him check out this cool city he can see from his window. lots of action and very wordy and went a lot of different places. 4/10 good read but extremely xenophobic

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward: guy investigates his ancestor who looks disturbingly like him, ancestor comes back to life and kills him and takes his place and a bunch of other stuff happens. mostly a dramatized genealogical study. 3/10 not bad, very suspenseful

The Colour Out Of Space: meteor lands on a farm, scientists get weirded out by it, everything in the area gets weird then dead, alien thing gets enough power from draining nearby life-forms to escape earth. fun twist ending. 4/10 bonus for being one of the better ones, detraction for writing out a 'rural accent'

The Descendant: nope, 0/10

The Very Old Folk: nope again, 0/10

History of the Necronomicon: very dry. fake history of lovecraft's fake book thats super important to a lot of the stories. 0/10

The Dunwich Horror: isolated witchy family has a kid who no one likes that grows up real fast. graphic descriptions of renovation. a horror gets unleashed on the area and the local folklore scholars have to deal with it. 1/10 nothing good enough to counter the xenophobia

Ibid: i remember this one. no idea what it's deal was. pseudo-bibliography? it was weird. 0/10

The Whisperer in Darkness: guy has a correspondance with another guy about local folk legends based on evil crab things. other guy gets straight up replaced by an evil crab thing and first guy doesnt even notice. imagine if you followed up on a scam email and didnt realize anything was up until you saw that the face of the dude you were talking to in person was a mask. 4/10 for the comedy this guy would not last in the internet age at all

At The Mountains of Madness: guy whines about penguins and how awful it would be if there were civilizations that predated humanity. also commits grave desecration. i get hit by the realization that if lovecraft was less of a racist coward he wouldve made a great speculative sci fi author. 3/10 i would love to watch that old asshole get absolutely torn to shreds by the monster fucker community

The Shadow over Innsmouth: Fish People! Leave Them Alone! Or Else! 5/10 the protagonist gets to live the dream by escaping human society and becoming an immortal fish person

The Dreams in the Witch House: dude rents an objectively haunted room, doesnt listen to people trying to help him, gets murdered by a weird rat. later they find a shit ton of bones in the attic. 2/10 meh

Through The Gates of the Silver Key: Randolph Carter transcends time and space, then de-transcends time and space and immediately gets stuck on another planet in the distant past, makes a long and difficult journey back to earth to find that his estate is being divided amongst his heirs. the comedy potential of a man stuck in an alien body dealing with a legal system that has declared him dead is not examined. 2/10

The Thing on the Doorstep: narrator's good friend marries a fish person witch who steals his body. thats basically it. 3/10. at this point im like wow these narrators really refuse to believe the heavily foreshadowed supernatural explanations that turn out to be correct huh.

The Evil Clergyman: dude is in a room. some ghosts (?) show up. dude has a UV light for some reason. Gets his face stolen i guess and just has to live with it. 5/10 for being absolutely buck wild and refusing to explain anything

The Book: nope 0/10

The Shadow Out Of Time: dude gets his body stolen by ancient scholar species. agonizes about it for a while. finds archaeological evidence of said species. finds a book he wrote while living with said species. almost gets eaten by something. 3/10 more cool speculative sci fi but lame protagonist

The Haunter of the Dark: you'd think id remember it bc this was the last one and i read it last night. oh wait, nvm i do remember it. dude finds an old box in a run down culty church and unleashes a horror that then comes and fucks him up. 1/10 meh.

[unseelie-bitch]

Season 1 Episode 3: Heavy Mortal Hopes [Part Two]

Okay genuinely love the budding friendship between Bloom and Beatrix

Mysterious Lady is running the whole Beatrix operation isn't she.

Yet again, Bloom is a Gryffindor

Aisha CLEARLY hates Bloom. Stop pretending they're friends. What the fuck. Massive overreaction on Aisha's part, clearly pent up issues... is this genuinely what this man thinks female friendships are like???

And it is Rosalind. I got there before it was revealed so I'm calling it a win

Jesus christ Beatrix is just... sacrificing this man. I mean fair but... yikes. This kid better have been raised as a child soldier because otherwise she should NOT be this down with murder/torture/maiming

Oh he isn't better. They didn't kill the right Burned One did they

Oh shit... Sword Dad... no...

Greenhouse man is OUT of this awkward conversation

Rosalind was the previous headmistress yikes

She isn't dead but you clearly do believe that

He's written NotFaragonda to be so inconsistant. Sometimes she's so nice and soft (classroom scene) and now she's getting in a drunk, emotional 16 year old's face to intimidate her. He just canNOT write women

Oh Bloom is lighting up that stone circle

And now she's crying... I'd care a lot more if they'd made her likeable and consistant

Oh of course Sky turned up. Because in a show about female friendships, the most important thing is the white knight here to save her

Bloom really needs to stop oversharing to people she barely knows

Why the fuck is Sky wearing green. The specialists colour palatte was blue and they were from RED Fountain, but you chose GREEN. I'm just... can they make some better choices. Please

Bloom can hear this lad

Sky is ALSO a Gryffindor. I'll forgive his impulsive behaviour because he's drunk and emotional but still

Stop making Stella a bitch. Also can everyone please stop spreading the changeling thing? Of course not but still. I'd like it

Why did Bloom use an 0 as the O in Burned One. Did they think I wouldn't notice? I did

Also why would she text Stella, the girl who clearly hates her

Oh she texted ALL of her roommates that hate her. Nvm, carry on

Beatrix got YOTE

These magical barriers really don't seem to do much

Feel like the Burned One vibing in the background wasn't supposed to make me laugh but... it was funny

Terra did not close her eyes but alright

Oh that is a Glowy Boy

NotFaragonda SLAYED this man

She's gotta be an air fairy her eyes were def silver there. Hate that he's decided they can just use everyone's elements

This dying man looks like a goldfish and I just👏don't👏care👏

STOP MAKING THE CHILD FLIRT WITH ADULTS. Even in canon this man's an adult. IT'S FUCKING VILE.

Oh and she vapourised him. Right

I'm genuinely so glad Sword Dad is okay

The first bit of realistic teenager dialogue is the "detention pissed off or expulsion pissed off" conversation, and it lasted two lines

Everyone else DIPPED

I'm so confused as to how their monarchies work. I'm pretty sure Sky's still a prince but Aracleon doesn't feel like a full realm so... do they have sub-kingdoms?? WHAT is going on here

Sky: "you should open up more" Sky: "I'm the only one that knows the real you" Sky: "I'm out"

I understand why he's leaving and support that because they way he's written Stella makes her a SUPER unhealthy partner, but also she realistically wouldn't open up to anyone after this and I feel like she's going to because this man doesn't understand how to write realistic character for anyone that isn't Sky or Silva

They're trying to make Dane 'nice' and then had him say Terra can "go fuck a flower". I don't care if he is drunk, high, or trying to show off. That's not how nuce people act!!

Imagine trying to combat fatphobia with an inherantly fatphobic narrative. Terra's ENTIRE character arc revolves around her body type, and how it negatively impacts her life. If he genuinely think that's a positive, he's a fucking moron

Aisha's ENTIRE character changes at the drop of a hat to whatever is conviniant for the scene. What the fuck is wrong with the showrunners that no one saw the inherrant racism in that? The black girl's ENTIRE purpose is to further everyone else's stories, and she isn't even a consistant backup character (which would have still been problematic, but ever so slightly less so)

I also hate the fact they're pushing the narrative that adoptive parents aren't real parents and that biology dictates family. Fuck off it's such bullshit

Stop pretending Aisha and Bloom are friends. They fucking aren't

"Oh shit" is the EXACT response, Sword Dad

Oh so you actually do know Rosalind's alive

OH SO ROSALIND IS JUST VIBING IN THE BASEMENT WHAT THE FUCK

[madamhatter]

act 0. observer’s notes your name is….. finding place in exile, the ramifications of war, and the scars it makes (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder)

Discussion on PTSD and its play in writing Sophie in the Topaxi verse. A general (mental) profile of the Sorceress in this setting would be included.  Includes connecting recurring imagery and rifts spotted in-character writing in the Topaxi verse. (Kind of spoilers!)

READ AT YOUR OWN CAUTION.

The story of displacement is a common tale for many of the Roles in Topaxi. Be it if you’re of those surviving past the war, having escaped the clutches of social prejudice of your home country, or even in rift from self-persecution, the belongingness that was once felt is adrift and lost to the ever-revolving and never-stopping world we live in.  As of the latest conquest conducted by the Topaxi Advancement Forces (TAF), the continent of Gaea has had several of its countries turned territories or effaced within the past seven to eight years. It has been over two years since the invasion and TAF is on standby as the last emperor had suddenly and mysteriously passed away. 

One of the last countries to be taken by the Empire was a smaller region towards the north of the continent with one coast belonging to the open sea. Such a place, which was incredibly small and considered nameless by then, was the home of the Sorceress.

In the wake of post-war life, most have found their living in making a living, while a rare few live to make a change. So ends up Sophie Hatter, the confirmed one of eight survivors from her hometown, to Topaxi with no remnants of family with her as they are located elsewhere in the Topaxi empire. (A complicated situation. It is connected to Sophie’s mother and it is the reason why Sophie is the last Hatter to leave her home country). She is holding herself together with only the clothes on her body and whatever items survived the destruction in a small messenger bag she found in the debris of her late childhood home.  So, where does Sophie find herself...? What is she like now? 

Similar to discussed cases in Topaxi with certain roles being exposed to and/or participating in the war, Sophie Hatter is one of those cases. She developed Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that is comorbid with general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and major depressive disorder. NOTE: Major depressive disorder would be a differential diagnosis. However, the symptoms exhibited by Sophie by the time she is 19, and after the course for acute stress disorder to be diagnosed (~3 days to a month), does reflects does include symptoms for “PTSD Criterion B or C symptoms” and  “PTSD Criterion D or E” (p 279, DSM-5). Meaning that comorbidity is possible diagnosis or this disorder soon developed because of the traumatic event in place. 

Sophie struggles with creating herself as she was before; there is an intrusion that exists within her and she is acutely aware of it and believes that she must do something about it. This nuisance she classifies, however, cannot be as easily undone as she realizes and her understanding of it is very limited, given the fact that the world of Topaxi has limited resources and research committed to psychology.

While the city-state of Topaxi can be considered modern and ahead of its time with the presence of UCAT, their progression and developments are not concurrent (yet) with the going-ons of today. While its history may not have been dedicated to vulnerable populations and certain experiences they might have faced, changes are being made with new projects, but there is still a way’s to go. 

Sophie Hatter, externally, is a persistently active figure, working with the newly made community in her apartment and living day-to-day with newly found relationships. However, she remains within arms’ distance with others while providing help, working to her best to keep stability around her as much as she can. Her schedule, during the day, is extremely limited and refined by her to avoid as many external variables that may affect her and she does not want to even imagine or experience how she’ll respond. 

Internally, however, Sophie Hatter is still a young woman who is grasping with the reality of what has happened to her during the invasion. Preceding the conquest, she already exhibited behaviors of a childhood that left her perception of the world altered and her self-perception low (to the point of being uncaring to her own safety). However, the inclusion of adversity from events during the war and the continuous exposure from her curse to her escape has heightened and created characteristics, responses, and coping mechanisms to handle what the mind is still attempting to fully comprehend/accept has happened.

Be note, that there are two events in the war that affected her: (1) discovering her decimated town/facing the its destruction and (2) her time before her “escape.” 

Following DSM-5 and the Diagnostic Criteria for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (figure 43.10), Sophie has the following symptoms and tendencies underneath these particular categories:  (Numbers denote which event is tied to what.)

A  “Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violation in one (or more) of the following ways” [EVENT] 

Directly experiencing the traumatic event - (1) The travel through the desolated country and seeing first-hand accounts of dead bodies, murder, and other atrocities ; (2) Detainment and what happened during then.

Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others - (1) The final bombings and scourge that swept over the valley ; (2) Was forced to watch mutilation and unethical experiments

B  “Presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred” [INTRUSION]

Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s) - (1) & (2) happens a lot but does not come out through direct and perfect images of what has happened. Usually plays out that she sees the dead bodies and imagines fire around her if moving too quickly or in areas that she avoids because of stimuli that can trigger her.  

Intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s) - Will enter a state of intrusive thoughts that will repeatedly tell her to leave and push her to go away. Would end up apologizing repeatedly and would begin her move as soon as possible. 

Marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s) - Turns blank in the face and stares out whenever stimuli (or a combination) is in contact with her ; memories will begin resurfacing mainly through smell, but she has routinely removed herself ASAP. Flight or fight response will be immensely present and it DOES depend on her hypervigilance and whether she is moonlighting as Simeon as not. if moonlighting, the “fight” reaction WILL be used and will devolve into violence. If not, Sophie’s immediate response will be to leave and leave as soon as possible, no matter what it is she is doing. Would end up shallowly breathing like there’s smoke in the air, holding herself, and bowing her head as if avoiding seeing something before her. 

C “Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following” [AVOIDANCE]

Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s) - (1) Continued rejection and avoidance of topics relating to latest conquests and usually avoids districts that are heavy with TAF occupation (bases, ports, air fields, etc.) ; 

Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s) - (2) Adamant refusal to enter or get close to medical facilities and certain smells like ammonia will make her hostile and intense (first mentioned in Headcanon Dump #1)

D “Negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following” [NEGATIVE ALTERNATIONS IN COGNITIONS AND MOOD ASSOCIATED WITH THE EVENT]

Inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event(s) (typically due to dissociative amnesia and not to other factors such as head injury, alcohol, or drugs) - Confirmed for dissociative amnesia where the events of (1) and (2) meld together and the timeline is mixed together ; there are very specific images that do not reflect the real scene or are reduced from the original signifier (I.E., the specific image of draping/pouring red)  

Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,” “The world is completely dangerous,” “My whole nervous system is permanently ruined”) - Consistent and returning thoughts of worthlessness for self (’Why am I still here versus....?” ; others are seen to be temporary in her life and cannot be held onto for long ( “they need something from me, that’s why they’re here..”)

Persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others - Consistent blame on herself for (2) but (1) is vehemently targeted towards both herself when it comes to the deaths of her community -AND- people she distinguishes as responsible for the outcome (Topaxi officials and, at times, associates of TAF ) and authority figures from her country 

Persistent negative emotional state (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame) - Amplified when Simeon and the persona is seen as an outlet to let out these emotions she believe she needs to keep in line ; usually guilt, anger, and shame meshed together, which leads to fueling reckless behavior and decisions that may hurt herself (which she dubs as necessary)

E “Marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following”  [MARKED ALTERNATION IN AROUSAL AND REACTIVITY] 

Irritable behavior (with little to no provocation) towards objects and people - Most visible when moonlighting as Simeon. 

Reckless or self-destructive behavior - Refer to purpose of Simeon persona and her views on her livelihood and how she actively “punishes” herself. 

Hypervigilance. - Already present in Sophie, worsened from war. Contributing to this would be her consistency to keep her and her night persona separated; add on need to keep herself on a low-profile and not recognizable in certain locations with medical personnel and researchers. 

Sleep disturbance (e.g., difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep) - Already present in Sophie, worsened from war. 

F “Duration of the disturbance (Criteria B, C, D, and E) is more than 1 month.”

Has been persistent throughout the ~2 years she has been living in Topaxi.

G “The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”

Confirmed. 

H “The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., medication, alcohol) or another medical condition.”

Not able to be found in context of the comorbidity exhibited by Sophie. Many new symptoms took form after the experiences she had in war. To note, she has been showing signs of a new comorbidity (substance reliance, alcohol). 

SPECIFICATION: Depersonalization with delayed expression (taken a year for these symptoms to begin). 

 - - - 

Sophie Hatter, as previously described, is someone who is coping with trauma through the best way she knows and has done before with her other trauma: ignoring it and shunning herself. However, she has particular outlets that may come of casual consumption of alcohol which happens concerningly frequent throughout certain days if stimuli are present. 

Additionally, while Simeon is throughout the criteria, they were not originally made as a result of what occurred. The original creation of Simeon was meant to be a persona she could use to live a “double life” as she needed to make more money and dangerous work paid well.  Having them as separate lives, in her eyes, keeps her safe from anyone targeting or her family (but, it is clear that her sisters and stepmother are not on the island).

Instead, they have became a violent outlet for her internalized dread, anguish, and anger. Having the “informant” as an extension of herself, excusing bad decisions and feeling out of her body while the world around her happens, has proven detrimental to the process of the awareness, acknowledgement, assistance, and acceptance of her condition. 

Here are several examples of Sophie’s PTSD appearing:

Self-harm/demanding herself to be hurt/trying to mark herself and punish herself

Haggardly, Simeon grimaces while their vest was shed off and resting on the tower hanger, alongside their binder beside it. Their dress shirt was half-way unbuttoned. Over their exposed shoulders and underneath their breasts were imprints.

Scarred fingertip digs into their collarbone. A sharp jab into their clavicle, feeling a minor ache as they push further.  Bruise, damn it. Make some mark. Make color, be red.

-- EXCERPT FROM THIS DRABBLE (SOPHIE’S DISPOSITION).

Association with red and the bleeding of traumatic events (1) and (2) joining together, causing her to respond blankly to the situation before being distracted by Yunuen speaking

Red skies, red sparks, red flow, red blossoms in the sky, red stained on metal, red dyeing gowns, red fringes framing a scratched off face that hovers over your pinned body, red hot pain searing into your body, red, red, red red-

-- EXCEPT FROM THIS THREAD (FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH YUNUEN). 

Survivor’s guilt and persistent negativity directed at herself because of her survival (The marks are related to (2) and the thought is related to (1)): 

On her right hip, roughly the same size as the other, but longer as it had dragged along said hip, the scar was horizontal and deeper than its neighbor, visible from its crinkled appearance. Reminders of life’s misplaced luck, she concludes, not used wisely by Fate this time around. How silly of them to pick me.

-- EXCERPT FROM SILVER STIGMATA (PHYSICAL SURVEY)

Hypervigilance and abundance of stimuli that make her extremely uncomfortable/distrusting of situation: 

A heaviness swells in their chest, an unshakable pressure tightening their rib cage, and yet, this was only normal symptoms of living a life like this. Industrial foulness mixed with fresh market fragrances from the decadent and wealthy market by the mouth of the alley; all the more gag-inducing for the young informant.

However, they clutch onto the empty box in their hands, making out the plastic ridges against the faintest callouses on the tip of their fingers They weren’t ignorant to the truth; how these sounds that place them on edge, instead soothed others. After all, this was home for many. But, for Simeon – rather, the one beneath the mask, it was not. And it never would be.

-- EXCERPT FROM THREAD (discontinued as person is inactive in verse)

One of the first instances of Sophie’s PTSD affecting her and being active in a thread would be her firstt, but short-lived, interaction with Tatyana. The avoidance nature and immediate removal from the situation happens in this case when Tatyana revs up the engine on her motorcycle, shouting from a stranger from the apartments joins in, and the heavy and direct smell and vision of smog. 

Here’s the break down: 

Physiological numbness in the moment; mind is still active, but taking a backseat and removing herself from situation (recognizing self as powerless in moment):

The shouting began as Sophie turns her face away, feeling her skin crawl to a coldness. The words that left his mouth were no less understandable but the ferocity and indignation in his tone was far too recognizable. If she considered it, she could’ve spoken back and defused the situation. The gift of tongues came with the ability to grant passage for others who can’t be brought together by difference of languages.

Physiological response and addition of stimuli that directly relate back to the image of hometown [INTRUSION]: 

Sophie Hatter’s eyes are now but a distant gaze over towards the taller blonde, only wishing like she did when she was younger. To disappear, to toil and fade away, to crawl back to whence she came from. Roaring engines, the smell of smoke, it was sickening. It was inespacable in the floating island, but it smelled too much like what remained of home. Add onto the shouting and it was already enough to make her head ache.

(Unknowingly) reenacting particular body language used during trauma; feeling of helplessness in situation that is out of her control: 

Some of her body was already numbing at the fingertips and she was pulling the black collar of her turtleneck over her mouth and nose. It wouldn’t work to cushion and black the sounds, their volume growing louder and louder like the pain in her head.

Active avoidance, mind begins flight-or-fight situation with altered perceptive of reality: 

“I need somewhere quiet.” She feebly comments, glancing back to the apartment buildings, and believing that there were more people creeping by the windows. The silver-haired woman promptly steps aside. Now, she was ready to shuffle away and avoid the incoming shouts on the block if it continued.

She wasn’t a fan of the memories it brought.

Sudden and abrupt removal from situation, signal of struggling to keep body language together as she wants to avoid an episode: 

“Good luck,” she waves a hand, glancing back to the stranger, before balling her hands into  the pockets of her sweater. She began her quiet leave.

- - - 

More is to be written about Sophie in how she is greatly affected by this. Some drabbles have been scrapped and were planned to express how deep the trauma works. Though, it can be already seen in how Sophie views death, treats her body, a persistently negative view on certain parties and the outcome of life, etc. 

Drabbles that were scrapped but would be considered “canon” that relay back to Sophie’s trauma would include:

As Simeon at Lunazul, she ends up getting to a brawl with someone after the table next to hers is repeatedly mentioning the conquests and graphic detail of what has happened to unnamed people (unnamed nationalistic person). Ends up intensely cold, getting up from her seat, and nearly beating the man unconscious with far too much wrath in her body; she rushes out of the bar and has a sobbing breakdown several blocks away.

A confrontation of “Red” that she remembers time and time again; a consistent night terror that follows her nd makes her unable to sleep some nights; actively ‘speaks’ to it while in sleep paralysis and it acknowledges her well. Scene usually ends up with “Red” above her, face reveals to be face heavily mutilated and gouged, screaming loudly and repeatedly at Sophie.

A shutdown in public when there are large amounts of traffic near her because a detour led her to the highway; leading her to hide somewhere and refusing to come out until “they drive away,” which makes her miss the day she’s meant to be working at Miya’s detective office. 

A short meeting with one of her neighbor’s children, a young 26-year-old working at a hospital in Central and professor at UCAT, still wearing their scrubs and the heavy smell of ammonia on them. The image itself leaves Sophie cutting conversation short and retreating to her apartment. 

- - -

Sophie Hatter is a 20-year-old facing the aftermath of exile from her own country and self and the trauma coming with displacement and surviving the horrors of the world. She is by no means a hopeless case or a lost cause. 

But, she is someone who is going to go through development as someone who struggles constantly: as someone who is unsure of what to do with her life, as much as she wants to live normally, her stability and infrastructure has been destroyed her very eyes. She attempts to reconstruct herself but fails to realize how that’d harm her because she is actively avoiding what has happened to her and denies herself that all of this happened. 

She believes she can “make up” for something she calls an inadequacy and blames herself for. She “makes up” for it by being a community figure in a place that she would never feel right in or safe in; she "makes up” for it by being a reputable person who would never turn down anyone and offers help whenever she can; she “makes up” by continuously lying to herself and hurting herself. 

Part of her screams, another part weeps; one part wants to take vengeance, tear apart everything, and the other wants to curl up and lose herself to the numbness. But, she persists in her hurt with a solution that even worsens these parts that want comfort and healing. 

It is a difficult reality she must navigate, which is difficult because she is alone.

No matter how anyone looks at it, the path of exile is a lonesome one when you do not recognize there are someone else’s footprints on the dirt road. Her feet are long tired, dirtied, and bloodied by how far she dragged herself across this time to figure herself out.... But, with each passing day, it seems she’s getting further and further out from anyone’s reach, and before she knows it, she’ll be going down a path of destruction that’d engulf those around her in ash, fire, and death. 

[ihavethoughtsplural]

Blood and Chocolate: An Adaptation in Name Only

Previously: Section 0 - Introduction

Section 1 – The Book

Preface: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is DENSE.  The paperback only spans 264 pages, but the story follows the coming of age of a dynamic and flawed female protagonist, encompasses ancient werewolf legends and laws, goes in depth into lycanthropic politics, and also features a love triangle, a teenage soap opera, a forbidden romance, and a goddamned murder mystery.

Summary: Vivian Gandillon is a 15-year-old werewolf.  A year after her father was killed in the fire that destroyed their home, Vivian is lost and grieving while her leaderless pack falls apart in the Maryland suburbs that they fled to.  Aiden, a tall, gentle human classmate attracts her attention and presents Vivian an escape from the tangled, animalistic world of werewolves.  Keeping her lycanthropy secret, Vivian begins to date Aiden, defying the laws of her people.   Vivian is pressured to break things off by her mother, her five delinquent age-mates, and the would-be leader, Gabriel. Gabriel, a 24 year-old welder, is attractive, intimidating and the object of intense romantic competition.  He, more than any other, tries to convince Vivian that her dalliance with a human is dangerous, eventually revealing that he speaks from painful personal experience. The story twists and turns, tearing Vivian and Aiden apart while pulling Vivian and Gabriel together.  In the end, through many trials, Vivian discovers that she can’t escape either her human or her animal nature, and must embrace both.  

Themes: Vivian’s central character arc finds her struggling with what she wants as opposed to what she needs.  At the opening of the novel, Vivian wants to escape the violent chaos of her pack, with its painful history and uncertain future. She finds that escape in Aiden, with his Beaver Cleaver family, his lovably quirky friends, and his sweetness and simplicity.   However, when the time comes to reveal the hidden aspects of her identity, Aiden can’t handle it.  Despite his supernatural curiosity, he cannot accept the supernatural when it presents itself to him.  His rejection sends Vivian into a tailspin of self-destruction that only ends when she accepts the love that Gabriel is offering, a love that honors all of what she is.  To ultimately find happiness, Vivian had to give up what she wanted and embrace what she needed. In addition to this, there is also a great deal of time in the novel spent contrasting the human and the animal sides of Vivian’s nature.  Her two suitors Aiden and Gabriel represent, respectively, the human and the animal. Scenes of Vivian socializing with Aiden and his human friends are juxtaposed with scenes of Vivian’s werewolf pack brutally vying for dominance.  The very title of the book is a reference to this dichotomy, Blood – representing Vivian’s animal desires, and Chocolate – representing Vivian’s human longings.   Throughout the novel, Vivian swings between these two extremes, at one point drinking herself into a heartbroken stupor over Aiden, then blacking out and waking up in her bed next to a severed hand. She tries, in her romance with Aiden, to balance her human and animal sides, but she only achieves that balance with Gabriel, a partner who also exists in the grey area between man and beast.

Highs: These are the aspects of the novel have captivated my imagination and kept this book in my collection for so long.

o   Werewolf Society:  It’s a damn shame that Klause hasn’t written more stories within this framework, because it is absolutely ripe for exploration and development.  The enormous potential here is one of the primary reasons why this book has held my fascination for so long and why I have written so much (published and unpublished) fanfiction for it.

o   Flawed Characters: No one who’s read the book will tell you that Vivian is perfect or even likeable 100% of the time, but it fits with her characterization as a grieving, lost teenager and serves to make her all the more like an actual person.  Most of the characters are like that, with their good qualities balanced or sometimes overwhelmed by their less savory sides.  It makes the fictional world feel richer and more realistic, despite the supernatural elements.

o   Consequences: The characters in this novel make real, awful mistakes, and they face lasting consequences for them.  One of Vivian’s mistakes – maiming Astrid while defending her mother, directly leads to Vivian’s ex, Rafe, getting sucked into Astrid’s revenge plot, leading to Vivian being framed for murder and the eventual executions of both Rafe and Astrid, during which Vivian is accidentally shot by Aiden.  

CONSEQUENCES!   They make the story more believable, more suspenseful, and this novel, with its cast of flawed characters, would not have worked without them.

o   Assertive Female Protagonist: Vivian is refreshingly frank about her desires, which is very noticeable in her courtship with Aiden.  Aiden assumes that he has to advance their physical relationship slowly so as to not frighten or offend Vivian, while Vivian urges him on.  She doesn’t hesitate when going after what she wants, and she’s not ashamed of her sexuality.  It’s a welcome change from the restrictions that western society places on female desire, and I’d like to see more characters like her.

Lows:  Blood and Chocolate is far from perfect, but, in my opinion, there are three glaring flaws in this book, and I would be remiss if I didn’t address them.

o   The Esme Question: The first point is one that, once seen, cannot be unseen. Vivian’s mother, Esme, is one of the women competing for Gabriel’s affections at the beginning of the novel.  It is established that they go on dates (“Saw your mother go into Tooley’s bar with Gabriel last night.” p. 18), but Klause is not explicit about how far their relationship has gone.  This ambiguity leaves open a potentially disturbing possibility:  

It is canonically possible that Gabriel had a sexual relationship with Esme and then moved on to sexually pursue her daughter, Vivian.

Personally, I can reasonably believe that Gabriel and Esme never progressed beyond idle flirting because:

a.       Vivian strikes me as the type of person who would mark her mother’s sexual partners as “off limits”.

b.       Up until just past the Ordeal scene, both Esme and Astrid are still fighting over Gabriel, implying that neither of them had really “won” him.  

c.       The possibility outlined above seems like it would be a bridge too far to be included in a YA novel, especially in the 90′s.  

Your mileage may vary.  I’ve seen reviews of the book whose negative ratings hinge on the fact that Gabriel dated Esme at all, irrespective of whether their relationship was sexual or not.  Honestly?  I can’t blame them.  If the mere existence of this possibility squicks you out, then it’s likely going to sour the ending and ruin the rest of the book for you.

o   The Age Differences: The second point is the least defensible. At the end of the novel, Vivian is 16 and Gabriel is 24.  That minor/adult 8 year age gap constitutes a “yikes” in my part of the world.  Klause skirts this by establishing that werewolf society has some stark differences with human society, namely that a 16 year old female is considered an adult by werewolf law.  This is still a rather uncomfortable detail to be included in an American YA novel, and the older I get, the more uncomfortable it becomes.

In addition to the Vivian/Gabriel age gap, there is the even wider Astrid/Rafe age gap. Rafe is Vivian’s ex and age mate, although there are reasons to assume that he is slightly older than her.  This places him somewhere in a probable 16-18 age range. He is canonically younger than 21, which makes him, according to werewolf law, not yet an adult.  Astrid has a son who is also Vivian’s age, which places Astrid somewhere in her late 30’s to mid 40’s.  In the book, Astrid and Rafe have a sexual relationship.

To be fair to Klause, this is framed in the novel as being toxic and ultimately destructive to both Astrid and Rafe.  Near the end of the story, Rafe finally realizes that Astrid has been taking advantage of him, turning Rafe, in my opinion, into a tragic victim of manipulation.  

Let me leave this segment with a PSA:

If you’re reading this and you’re underage, please don’t enter into a “relationship” with an adult.  The adults in these scenarios in the real world are predators, and they’re preying on your inexperience and naïveté.  They know that you probably won’t recognize relationship red flags and they think they can pressure you into doing unsafe and unhealthy things in the name of “love”. Stay safe, kids!

o   Sexual Harassment:   My third and final low point is one that I have very mixed feelings about.  As a result, this is the longest segment of this post, so strap in. In the novel, many of the interactions between Vivian and male characters are inappropriately sexual.  The most egregious offenders are the Five, Gabriel, and Aiden’s father. The Five, Vivian’s male werewolf peers, are crass, rude and arrogant.  Led by Rafe, they display a lot of entitlement for Vivian’s affections.  The most pointed (and gross) of these displays happens on p.41:

“You’re not Princess Wolf now,” Rafe growled behind her.  “Wait too long and we’ll take what we want.” 

That?  Yeah, that’s a direct rape threat!  Rafe also goes on to grope Vivian at her birthday party.  He’s a peach!   Gabriel’s harassment mostly takes the form of unwanted advances.  It peaks after the Ordeal, the battle royale where Vivian accidentally wins the right to be Gabriel’s mate.  In the aftermath, Gabriel corners Vivian in her kitchen, forces a non-consensual kiss on her and declares his intentions to court her.   Aiden’s father is notable in the contrast he provides.  Vivian only interacts with him once, when Aiden invites her to a family cookout. During this scene, he repeatedly leers at her, makes suggestive comments and on p. 79:

Vivian could hear the innuendo in Mr. Teague’s voice.  It made her skin crawl.

However, if you compare Mr. Teague’s harassment to Gabriel, the Five and others, you’ll find that there is a significant difference in Vivian’s reaction.  Vivian isn’t afraid to bite back at the Five’s harassment – scoring vivid revenge for Rafe’s groping when she injures his genitals.  She tries to do the same to Gabriel when he forces a kiss on her, but he relents on his own.   We see a similar dynamic when Esme snaps at Bucky, another male werewolf, who catcalls her in a bar.  This forms a pattern which suggests that forceful sexuality is a feature of werewolf culture.  Vivian confirms this the first time that she and Aiden kiss on p. 51:

“He was gentle.  She hadn’t expected that.  Kisses to her were a tight clutch, teeth, and tongue.”

And this is where my mixed feelings come in. I don’t condone the harassment that Vivian experiences, but I understand why Klause wrote it.  Any author writing inhuman characters can’t simply tell us that they are inhuman, they have to show it.  The forceful sexuality of the werewolf characters in this book is one way that Klause clearly shows that they are NOT human and serves as a contrast to the human characters.   But where does Aiden’s dad fit into this?  His harassment is milder than the Five’s or Gabriel’s, but it disgusts Vivian in a way that the other harassment didn’t.  Why?  Sexual harassment seems to be a constant feature of her pack life.  This isn’t even the only time that an older man leers at her – on p. 115, in the same scene where Esme gets catcalled:

Some of those male eyes strayed to Vivian, too, and she preened at the thought of being a threat.

That’s a far cry from the skin-crawling disgust she felt with Mr. Teague, but it’s basically the same offense.  What’s different?  We find it in a conversation with him on p. 74:

“I would think a girl like you would go out with someone older.” He winked at Vivian. Like someone your age?  Vivian thought, repelled by the man’s lack of loyalty to his son.

Vivian’s disgust stems from the fact that the man flirting with her is her boyfriend’s father.  She’s shown to welcome sexual attention from other older men, and she has no problems handling more overt harassment, but the paternal disloyalty sickens her. The overt sexual harassment is there, and if it makes it impossible for you to enjoy the book, I don’t blame you.  Your feelings are valid, and I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong.  Personally, I understand the authorial reasoning behind its inclusion, and its utility as a characterization tool, so it doesn’t prevent me from enjoying the story. Your mileage may vary.

Verdict: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is flawed, but fascinating.  It sets multifaceted characters into a tantalizing world of men and monsters, where the line between good and evil is blurred into nonexistence.  It is, despite its problematic elements, my favorite book.

Next: Section 2 - Adaptation Challenges

[sinkingwmyships]

hEY BABY

im back at it again with

JJBA (VA) Purge AU (3)

yeeee this is the one abt the relationship scenarios ;)))

part 1 | part 2

i highly recommend checking out the previous parts first, if not this might be kinda hard to follow

between me and my 1.5 braincells we're trying really hard y'all so pls go easy on us show some support ;_;

OKAY

(oh yea a heads-up no ships are decided yet so treat all these relationship scenarios as hcs (yea imma make AUs inside an AU lmfao))

tw: (1 mention of) homophobia, referenced past abuse, bullying (??)

1. fugio

the first scenario that popped into my head is that Fugo and Giorno go to the same university (for some reason Gio's parents can afford to send him there, idk he probably got financial aid or sth, and then after he killed them (😳 awkwardddd) he's probably using their life insurance in fear of it running out). and Fugo doesn't really care for Gio bc he's a rich boye and he has his quality™️ elite friend circle so why bother himself w a nobody. but in reality all of Fugo's friends are either only on a social level (u know those ppl who you're friends w but u won't necessarily have deep convos w them or choose to hang out w them n stuff), or they're fake and only hang out w him bc of his wealth & status, or bc their rich parents are friends. plus (im referring to the anime backstory here), after the scandal w that professor who sexually harassed him, many ppl secretly hate him and talk shit abt him behind his back due to homophobia.

but anyway, Fugo's plotting against all those biches :) so where does Giorno come in? Gio, being this innocent poor boy who doesn't have a home to go back to, lives on dorm. and let's just say Fugo does too bc he doesn't have the best relationship w his demanding parents, so he was overjoyed when he finally talked them into letting him move from home into the dorms instead. (side note he prolly doesn't Purge his parents bc he needs their money.) so Gio and Fugo know of each other, but not acquaintances or anything.

and then

one day when Fugo's either

running into trouble with some authority figure at school again

just minding his own business and planning his Purge targets

Gio walks in on him, and he's either like

"omg Fugo r u ok do u need help what happened"

"omg Fugo idk what happened between u and ur targets but Purging ain't good, pls reconsider"

and Fugo, having the short-ass fuse that he does (plus probably having his pride wounded and just general mistrust of the ppl around him spurring him on):

"stfu u know nothing about me, but now you've seen this i guess it wouldn't hurt to kill you too"

"stfu u know nothing about me, ur probably one of those happy asshats that have no need for Purges, reconsider?? haha the only thing i'll reconsider is if i'll add u to my kill list" (bc if Gio reports him or sth, Fugo & his fam can get into trouble, since his targets are probably rich and/or influential ppl, but it isn't Purge time yet, so it can be considered malicious intent and/or attempted murder i guess, and so anyone who has any beef w the Fugo fam can bring them down) (i know nothing abt law don't come for me)

and then Gio is like "fuck dis shit im out" and he skrts tf out of there, but sadly Fugo ain't lying 😔 the day of the Purge comes, and Giorno was just trying to barricade himself inside his dorm room when suddenly, Fugo pulls an FBI OPEN UP and breaks inside using all his high-tech weaponry n stuff (i'll share my hcs for chara design later!!). Gio is freaking out so he jumps out the window into the streets, even risking going outside during Purge just so he can get away, but oh 🅱️oy is Fugo stressed tonight. and he literally hunts Gio down and almost kills him

uNTIL!!!¡!

2. abbacchio & giorno:

(SORRY I JUST LOVE DADBACCHIO & GIORSON SO MUCH)

Abbacchio is tasked w hunting down a certain rogue criminal, so he's la-di-da cruising thru Naples to get to Bucci's house, when suddenly this fucking kid comes running up to him with his hair and clothes all messed up and tears running down his face, and is like "pls help me sir i beg u i just need somewhere to hide pls i don't want to do this i don't want to die" and Abba's like "fuq??" but then he hears manic laughter and chainsaws revving and shit, and the kid sniveling all over his crisp™️ Purge suit looks like he can explode with fear at any moment (and plus Abba understands that nobody would ever run up to another person for help during Purge like this, unless it's really their last option), so he sighs, "fine. get behind me."

the kid drops to his knees and Abba can't help but think "aaahhhh fucking dead weight", but he said he'd help, so that's what he's gonna do. now ANOTHER kid rounds the corner but he barely looks sane, he seems almost possessed by something. *fighting ensues* but being a professional cop Abba knocks the kid out cold w a few swift moves, and when he drops to the ground that crazy expression finally leaves his face. he's already wasted too much time, so Abba turns to Kid 1 and is like "go back home brat and dont get into trouble again", but Kid 1 is still a trembling mess on the ground, and he says "i don't have any home to go back to."

subconscious Abba's like "well that's between you and god" but he knows he's basically this kid's god now (besides, there can't possibly be a god that would let things like Purges happen), so he's like, "fine. get in the car and DON'T get in my way" but THEN Kid 1 points to the passed-out demon child, "but we can't leave him here"

A: "he was gonna KILL you!!"

K1: "i know but he didn't mean it, he was just not thinking straight"

A: "Purges ain't where ppl think str8 kid, besides if he didn't really wanna Purge he wouldn't have geared himself up that well"

K1: “but he’s not a bad person. please, if we leave him out here in this state he’ll be killed for sure.”

at this point Abbacchio can't understand wtf Kid 1 is thinking, but for the first time in years he finds some of the humanity he was hoping to regain in Purge, so he's like "fine. haul him into the backseat. but you're sitting with him bc i got my shit in the front. and if he wakes up you're dealing w it this time. cool?"

Kid 1 nods, and surprisingly he has enough strength to shove Kid 2 into the backseat & get in after him. Abba is trying to decide what he wanna do w these kids, when his phone suddenly beeps, and in comes a new message from his superiors, "yo dawg u gotta hurry up and kill that Bucciarati guy, we'd better not catch u slacking" and he's like "yo Kid 1, can u fight?"

"uh, a bit. why?"

"well, that's what you're gonna do for me in return for my protection."

anywhooooo i imagine that later on, Fugo wakes up like "ugh wtf hello concussions????" and he sees Gio standing over him, and he snaps into defensive mode, sitting up and shoving Gio away and everything. but then he sees that Gio's hands are empty, save for maybe a bottle of water and a towel, and somehow Fugo's own wounds are all cleaned and bandaged, and he groans:

"dude, what the fuck are you doing? did i pass out? did you find help?"

G: "you got hit over the head pretty hard, don't move so suddenly."

F: "haha yea thanks i can feel that myself, anyway wtf were you doing?"

G: "uhhhhh... abbacchio patched you up but your face was really grimy so he told me to clean you up, and maybe give you some water?"

F: "no. i mean like what the fuck were you doing????? braincells hello?? kill me! i should be dead!!! is Purge over?? did the sirens go off before you can finish me?"

he suddenly notices how Gio just recoils and sits there with his eyes squeezed shut as Fugo shouts at him and flings his arms around. but he's seen how Gio defended himself against him, so he knows this guy can fight and is no stranger to Purges. this is the first mystery his 152 IQ has encountered in a long time, so Fugo reaches out to get Gio's attention, but then Gio jumps and slaps his hand away so hard Fugo feels his bruised brain jar. he pulls back immediately, holding his hands up, palms forward, finally kind of able to pierce together what's going on inside the blond's mind:

"sorry. wasn't gonna attack you. just... wasn't sure if you were listening to me, so i tried to get your attention."

"i was."

"okay. sorry." Fugo tries, but Gio is already standing up and leaving, glassy green eyes looking anywhere but at him. "wait! Gior— ugh??"

he almost faceplants the ground again. where's my stupid-ass helmet???? i need to be on balance mode stat. but then Fugo feels two arms helping him up, and he looks up to see Gio, frowning in distaste but still supporting him all the same. he feels bad for asking (as if he hasn't bothered this poor guy enough): "uh, so, what exactly happened while i was passed out?"

oh, honey...

a lot :)

BUT PLOT SPOILERS SO THIS ENDS HERE!!!!!! xD

ya know i might actually go w fugio after all :00 but if i do end up writing this, it will span over 12 hours / 1 Purge only, so even if there are ships they'll probably only be implied, instead of madly into each other by the end of everything :P

to be cont’d… 👀🔪 perhaps with other relationship hcs :0 or chara design?? who knows. suggestions?

feel free to drop any questions you have, or just scream to me in the cmts in general!! i’m happy to answer anything, from chara motives to backstory clarification, or anything else!! ik up to now these posts have just been walls of texts, so :’D thanks for reading thooooo 💖

part 4 | part 5

[flesymetahiq]

Elinor (My Apprentice OC)

pls don’t say Bonjour to me ,-,

However, I hope I did nothing bad if I say that my OC  is the apprentice , I only step back a little from the canon(?) I’m sorry ..Just questions are very suitable,_, I'll probably skip some questions >~<Next time I will use this template on real OС, I hope you do not get mad at me

I think the same way to arrange Ask with her, maybe this will also help me develop her as a character.

Finally,after the hundredth attempt to draw my apprentice, since I represent her,I succeeded, now I’m going to the second round of hell - information about her. Honestly, this is a whole hurricane of thoughts in my head,and soon I’ll lose my mind, seriously ,_, 

Although what I’m talking about, in my head a mess reigns, reigned and will always reign(yaaaaaaiii)

By the way, so that some have visual representations about Elinor (Yes, maybe I will use different versions of her name( Eleanor, Elenore, Eleonora, Eleonore, Elinor, Elinore, Ellinore, Elynor, etc. XD, not a canon)

So as not to go crazy, I’ll just answer the questions posed by @apprenticealec (thank you very much QwQ)I will also add my items. Just really liked the questions, sorry again!

Let’s begin! 

1. What is their occupation in the Arcana World?

In the Arcana world, Elinor’s occupation is to develop her magical skills. In addition, she’s very interested in legends and various nationalities, languages and cultures, for the most part, because in this way she hopes to stumble on something,that will lead to memories of her past.She strives to learn all that is possible.Therefore, when Elinor gets into the palace library, she’s simply cannot be pulled out of there.

Closely related item: Dreams and Desires

Elinor often sees homeless and hungry people, sometimes even very talented, but who do not have anything to somehow light up in society or develop further. Therefore, its goal is to solve this problem as soon as possible. She dreams of creating an  academy where children from various sectors of society can study, as well as a charity in favor of those in need.

2. Where are they from?

In fact, Elinor came from a fairly kingdom called Augusay.The power of the kingdom lay, naturally, in the presence of its strong warriors and magicians, who came from some ancient clans, each such clan differed in magical priorities. For example, once on the territory of the kingdom, there was a clan of magicians named Haiko, magicians in this clan were distinguished by both white and black magic. There are legends that once a powerful warrior Haiko Ken was able to defeat a nine-tailed fox - a demon who penetrated into a world in which harmony and good reigned. However, demon's killer cannot remain an ordinary mortal. Ken was cursed, devil left his mark on him, since then demonic blood flowed in warrior’s veins, and sometimes Ken turned into a monster, which he seemed to have killed. Fortunately, Ken met a beautiful sorceress who helped him control the curse. They had children who transmitted both magic from their mother and the demonic curse from their father, thus forming the Haiko clan, a clan in which reigned balance between demonic power and white magic.From such a clan came the mother of Elinor - Aurora,who was the queen of  Augusay. At the moment, any mention of the kingdom and its memory were mysteriously destroyed, as if it had never been.

3. Do they have any family members? 

Haiko Akane (Elinor’s mother - Queen of Augusay )  - died by demon Lilith when Elinor was 3 years old

Haiko Fuji  (Elinor’s grandfather - And also the most strict teacher, whom Elinor hated and loved at the same time  when she was child/teenager. Come on he hit her  head with his huge damn stick when she was doing something wrong, a terrible old man.) - Oh yes, baby he saw dinosaurs, what are you talking about? (Joke.Yes, he is alive).

Carlisle Victor  (Elinor’s father - King of Augusay) - died protecting the Augusay from the (army of demons) army of the Lilith  (this is a long story).

Carlisle Anastasia (the illegitimate sister of Victor -  Elinor’s aunt) - died of heart failure.

4. Where were they during the plague in Vesuvia?

Even before the plague appeared in Vesuvia, Elinor received a letter from her aunt Anastasia (who owned the magic shop), since Asra and Eleanor managed the shop, Elinor’s aunt  lived on the territory of Venterre. In a letter, Anastasia wrote that her health was deteriorating due to severe heart disease, and she would like her niece to visit her. So Elinor spent enough time with her aunt, trying to maintain her condition and always be there so that aunt Anastasia would not be lonely. Before her death, Anastasia, who cared for Ellinore after her 18th birthday (since her memory was completely lost, like all the information and the kingdom of  Augusay itself) and claimed that the girl’s parents were middle nobles , who were killed by robbers, wanted to admit that everything was wrong, she hid the girl’s past for her own safety.Perhaps Anastasia had not time or simply didn’t gain strength, but still could not tell Elinor the truth. So aunt only left her property, highlighting a large mysterious box that she had been hiding from her niece all this time.Elinor felt that something was wrong, but she did not have time to figure out how she found out that a plague epidemic had begun in Vesuvia. Naturally, she went there, because she was extremely concerned about the lives of people and friends she knew.

5. Where are they during the main Masquerade? Were they invited royals or just townsfolk who decided to stop in when Nadia opened it to everyone?

Aunt Elinor was known in the narrow circles of high society, despite the fact that she led an extremely unusual way of life for her status.Therefore, Elinor was invited  royals to a masquerade. To say that she did something special during the masquerade, no. She was unusual to even be in such a crowd of people, she just wanted to distract herself from everything that had happened earlier, being at that time with Asra and Nadia, who were close enough friends for her.

10. What’s their idea of a perfect day?

Oh yahhhhhhh,in fact, everything is simple, the perfect day for Elinor This is the day when all her friends are nearby, happy, they are having fun as anyone can, well, actually this is all that is needed for happiness and the perfect day for Elinor (almost).

12. What’s one of their favorite memories?

This memory is extremely muddy, with every attempt to penetrate into it, Elinor almost faints. She remembers .. someone’s gentle warm voice, soothing, she remembers that someone sang a gentle cradle, as well as vague features of a woman’s face.

13. What’s one of their least favorite memories?

The moment in the dungeon with Lucio, at that moment she really was very worried and did not know what to do, although she tried not to show it so as not to make Lucio worry or blame himself if she had to sacrifice herself.

14. If they’ve interacted with (insert one of the Main 6 here) what is their opinion of them? If they haven’t interacted, what would their first impressions be?

(If I said anything above that I'm talking about ... oh, it's hard, just imagine that I crossed the MС, or rather an  Apprentice  with OС ?? :0)

 Asra -  Master? Master! Master!Maaaster! (agm, I’m sorry).  Asra, in secret, her top friend. However, it is worth noting that he is also an authority and an important object for respect for Elinor, for the most part she treat him as an older brother or really as a teacher, although he most likely will not be happy about it.Everything is somehow complicated, he the best friend to whom she trusts even her own life and the at the same time hi’s a teacher to whom she tries too much respect. Like all her friends, Ellie wishes Asra only the very best. Not to say that she is an angel who cannot be offended or angry at anyone, since she really often was offended when Asra went away for a certain time without saying where and for how much, which made her very worried and worried.

Julian - Dear Mr. Ilya, say something bad about yourself and I will crush you with.. MY RASEN... I’m not serious person..Not to say that Elinor was shocked to find out that Julian Devorak was not at all connected with the murder of Lucio, despite his first EPIC appearance in her shop, which scared Elinor so much that she almost fainted and almost every time she met him didn't squeal ..It is not strange that even in the worm Eleanor will find something beautiful, Ilya is far from being a worm, he is a wonderful person who should not think of himself as any kind of monster or garbage, she rather found in him an unfortunate person who lost himself, who is exactly help is needed..

 Portia  - One Portia's smile and Eleanor’s day made. In her eyes, Portia is a wonderful, strong, cute, cheerful person, while they walked to the castle to Nadia, Elinor asked her a bunch of questions, even the most stupid ones, just to at least listen to her giggle or joke while answering them.When she met Ilya with tears in her eyes, believe me, Elinor inside was already dead, her brain simply could not digest the fact that bitter tears were rolling on the face of this beautiful cutie.In general, Elinor is very happy for Ilya, because she would like to have a sister like Portia. Although, all her friends are her family, which she loves and tries to show care and attention.

Nadia - For Elinor Nadia, authority is no less than Asra and not because of her social status. Elinor sees a patient, strong, kind and wise person in Nadia, to which she cannot but respect. Even the movement of the Nadia’s hands makes Elinor delight, well, this countess is too beautiful...Eleanor is very pleased to discuss with Nadia any important topics related to life, philosophy, art, she is always interested in the Nadia’s opinion. For example, when they argue about something, is it not a gross argument, even rather a reasoning? Oh my God, how she seeks to hear Nadia’s arguments, sometimes her  thoughts can sit in Elinor’s mind for the whole day, night, week, month, she will return to this conversation 200 more times, only with other thoughts.

 Lucio - please give him a chance ..She likes him the most, but ... what kind of sympathy I'm talking about, Elinor is deeply in love with him.Despite everything, the fact that he is a complete moron, selfish in the opinion of others, in her eyes  he is the one who also needs help and support. In general, Elinor does not believe in bad people, for her there are people who make mistakes unknowingly, Lucio is one of those. Her opinion only gained a foothold after she began to pay attention to  Lucio, and the more he changed, the more she loved him.She was very touched when he showed his concern, or at least somehow regretted his actions, she believes him, believes that he will never repeat his mistakes ..At the moment they have a very warm relationship, Eleanor really hopes that her other friends will also be able to change their mind about this goat man,and Lucio himself will become more loyal to others.

Muriel  -  This man deserves the best of this life, his appearance says absolutely nothing about him, so when he saw Elinor was not at all afraid. He is a gentle, kind person, and no matter how he pushes her away from him, no matter how she is annoying, she does not lag, she will do everything to make him feel freer, so that other people also see Muriel as a sweet, good-natured person.

15. Share a song that describes them or just fits their “vibes.”

                                         Nandemonaiya

ROMAJI:

Futari no aida toorisugita kaze wa

Doko kara sabishisa wo hakonde kita no

Naitari shita sono ato no sora wa

Yake ni sukitootteitari shitanda

Itsumo wa togatteta chichi no kotoba ga Kyou wa atatakaku kanjimashita Yasashisa mo egao mo yume no katarikata mo Shiranakute zenbu kimi wo maneta yo

Mou sukoshi dake de ii Ato sukoshi dake de ii Mou sukodhi dake de ii kara Mou sukoshi dake de ii Ato sukoshi dake de ii Mou sukoshi dake kuttsuite iyou ka

Bokura TAIMU FURAIYAA toki wo kakeagaru KURAIMAA Toki no kakurenbo hagurekko wa mou iya nanda Ureshikute naku no wa kanashikute warau no wa Kimi no kokoro ga kimi wo oikoshitanda yo

Hoshi ni made negatte te ni ireta omocha mo Heya no sumikko ni ima korogatteru Kanaetai yume mo kyou de hyakko dekita yo Tatta hitotsu to itsuka koukan koshiyou

Itsumo wa shaberanai ano ko ni kyou wa Houkago «mata ashita» to koe wo kaketa Narenai koto mo tama ni nara ii ne Toku ni anata ga tonari ni itara

Mou sukoshi dake de ii Ato sukoshi dake de ii Mou sukodhi dake de ii kara Mou sukoshi dake de ii Ato sukoshi dake de ii Mou sukoshi dake kuttsuite iyou yo

Bokura TAIMU FURAIYAA kimi wo shitteitanda Boku ga boku no namae wo oboeru yori zutto mae ni

Kimi no inai sekai ni mo nanika no imi wa kitto atte Demo kimi no inai sekai nado natsuyasumi no nai hachigatsu no you Kimi no inai sekai nado warau koto nai SANTA no you Kimi no inai sekai nado

Bokura TAIMU FURAIYAA toki wo kakeagaru KURAIMAA Toki no kakurenbo hagurekko wa mou iya nanda Nande mo nai ya yappari nande mo nai ya Ima kara iku yo

Bokura TAIMU FURAIYAA toki wo kakeagaru KURAIMAA Toki no kakurenbo hagurekko wa mou ii yo Kimi wa hade na KURAIYAA sono namida tomete mitai na Dakedo kimi wa kobanda koboreru mama no namida wo mite wakatta Ureshikute naku no wa kanashikute warau no wa Boku no kokoro ga boku wo oikoshitanda yo

ENGLISH VERSION:

The sorrowful gust of wind that blew right between you and me Where did it find the loneliness it carried on the breeze? Looking up at the sky after shedding a stream of tears I could see for miles of blue, it's never been so clear Speeches that my father gave me would always make me despair Somehow, I feel a warmth and comfort today Your ever kind heart, the way you smile, and even how you find your dreams I knew nothing, so honestly, I've always copied you Now, just a little more Only just a little more Let's stay here a little longer now Now, just a little more Only just a little more Let's stick together just a little bit longer Oh yes, we are time fliers Scaling the walls of time, climber Tired of playing hide and seek with time and always coming just short Crying even when you're happy Smiling even when you're feeling lonely It's because a part of you Has made it here before the rest has I used to wish upon the stars, the toys that I once adored Forgotten now, are rolling 'round the corners of the floor Finally, my dreams have counted up to a hundred today Someday, I'll trade them all for just the very one Girl that I have seen in school, that never have told "hello" After class today, I waved and said, “See you tomorrow” It's not really that bad trying something new every once in a while Especially if I can do it with you by my side

Now, just a little more Only just a little more Let's stay here a little longer now Now, just a little more Only just a little more Let's stick together just a little bit longer Oh yes, we are time fliers, so, and I I knew who you were way before... Way before I even knew my own name There's no clue, but I'm sure, I swear Even if you're not around in this wide world Of course it surely would have some kind of meaning But if when you're not around in this crazy world Would be like the month of August without summer break And if you're not around in this great world Would be like Santa Claus without any glee If you're not around in this wide world Oh yes, we are time fliers Scaling the walls of time, climber Tired of playing hide and seek with time and always coming just short No, never mind that No, never mind what I said now 'Cause I'm on my way to you Oh, we are time fliers Dashing up the steps of time now No more playing hide and seek with you and time And always coming just short You're quite a showy crier Want to stop your tears, see your eyes drier But when I went to wipe your tears dry You refused but I saw them pouring down your face, I knew why Crying even when I'm happy Smiling even when I'm feeling lonely It's because the heart of mine Has made it here before my body

This song, oh yes, the song not only describes Elinor and her feelings, but it seems to me that this is exactly her voice I imagine.. ( Mone Kamishiraishi <3)

16. What do people assume about them at first glance?

In general, it’s hard for me to answer. Perhaps many people will perceive Elinor as the most ordinary girl, although it all depends on the situation and the person. For some, it may seem very creepy and mysterious. So that..

17. What’s something (personality aspects, body type, hobbies, etc.) that they find attractive in others?

Generosity, tolerance, understanding, loyalty, kindness, good sense of humor.

She doesn’t care about  appearance, including body type.

As for the hobby. Hmm, most likely hobbies related to art, playing musical instruments, drawing, poetry and literature.Well, of course, magic-related hobbies

18. Do they have any hobbies?

Sure! Some have already been listed. Elinor　also loves to cook, play keyboard musical instruments and sing.

19. Who’s someone that they just can’t stand? (One of the Main 6, another OC, etc.)

Another OC - Hushiba Madara >:0  (Her childhood friend with whom she competed. He often ran into her and did not even think when he said really offensive things in her direction. True, at the moment, Ellie does not remember about Madara absolutely nothing. I’ll actually make an answers about him, because he’s  totally an OC)

Another OC -  Demon Lilith 

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Light Novel Review - Last and First Idol

Warning: This work contains graphic descriptions of violence that are discussed in the review.

Before I began reading Last and First Idol, I had absolutely no idea what it was about or what sort of a story I would find within. I knew it had to be in some way yuri because J-Novel club sent it to me to review saying as much, but beyond that, I had no idea. I can definitively say that going into Last and First Idol blind was absolutely the wrong idea. While searching for cute and fun yuri stories, I naively wandered into graphic accounts of cannibalism, grotesque creatures, and a reckless abandon for human life. It seems almost impossible that the astonishing creations within the light novel all began with a Love Live fanfiction story. However, as jarring as my experience was, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with the work. Last and First Idol is a collection of three hard science fiction yuri short stories by Gengen Kusano.

There are a few common elements present throughout each story. As previously stated, they are hard science fiction work, with particular attention and details placed in scientific logic and accuracy. Each story intersects the lofty science concepts presented with an aspect of anime/otaku culture, idols, gacha mobiles games, and seiyuu (in that order). Finally, each of the short stories features a protagonist that physically evolves and becomes stronger by killing and consuming, though not necessarily eating their own kind.

The title story, Last and First Idol, begins innocently enough, with Mika Furutsuki dreaming of becoming an idol. She practices regularly, joins an idol group in high school, and hires her dearest friend Maori Niizono as a producer. However, things take a dark turn when, during a downturn in her idol career, Mika kills herself. The Earth is struck with massive solar flares, rendering it almost uninhabitable and riddling the survivors with cancers. Niizono brutally murders scores of survivors to harvests their body parts and transforms her body into a powerful being. She then resurrects Mika, turning the idol into a horrific monster. The rest of the story follows Mika as she continually evolves and changes by assimilating her victims’ organs and bodies into her own to become the ultimate idol.

More than any other, this story is graphic and depraved. Several passages made me feel nauseated as Kusano holds little back in his descriptions of the atrocities Mika and Niizono commit. However, while undoubtedly disturbing, science and transformations Mika undergoes are fascinating and wonderfully described in detail. Kusano’s attention to detail benefits the work here, as readers will be engrossed in discovering how Mika adapts to overcome her next challenge.

The second story, Evolution Girls follows Youko Sasajima. She is a young woman addicted to the gacha mobile game, “Evo Gals.” Youko’s addiction quickly leads to her death. However, she awakens, reincarnated as a single-celled organism. In the world she finds herself in, “girls” pull gacha to acquire organelles and level up. Soon she evolves beyond microscopic life into prehistoric aquatic creatures and onwards, all by drawing gachas. To pull these gachas, Mika needs “points,” which she obtains by eating other girls. It is a fascinating and spectacular reimagining of life’s evolution, all from the perspective of a young woman.

Youko teams up some a few other girls to help create a feared hunter pack, however, they are never the apex. There is a constant sense of fear and apprehension as the reader is aware that the girls risk encountering a creature stronger than them and getting slaughtered at any moment. Youko grows incredibly attached to one of the women, Vayu, and vows to protect her. Her love for the girl acts as her driving motivation throughout the latter half of the story.

One of the most exciting aspects of Evolution Girls is its ending, which catapults the stories scope and scientific fantasy. There are discussions of parallel dimensions, the nature of souls, and a dastardly plot older than the universe. Many aspects of this ending echo Puella Magi Madoka Magica, a connection I was happy to discover Kusano himself acknowledged. There is a rewriting of the universe and its fundamental laws, a character living through multiple timelines, and it is all because of the way energy function in this universe. It is wonderfully vast and imaginative, but frustratingly convoluted; I had to read the final few pages of the story a half dozen times to comprehend it.

The final story in the light novel is Dark Seiyuu. In a futuristic society, seiyuu is no longer a term used to describe voice actors but a different race of humans. These seiyuu have laryngeal sacs, an organ which allows them to control aether, a medium of light and sound. By manipulating aether, the seiyuu can fire lasters, create sounds, manipulate gravity, and fly spaceships.

The story follows Akane, a seiyuu who, to grow her power, murders other seiyuu and transplants their laryngeal sacs onto herself. Since birth, she has heard strange whispers, a mysterious voice. One day while out on a date with her partner Sachii, Akane is attacked by the Dark Seiyuu, who encourages Akane to listen to the voices. Soon Akane and Sachii engage in desperate pursuit, chasing the Dark Seiyuu across the galaxy, hijacking ships, battling bounty hunters, and escaping the law on the way.

Dark Seiyuu is easily my favorite story in the light novel. Some scenes and descriptions in the story are breathtaking, like a beautiful and terrifying sequence when the Earth loses all gravity. It also features a clear goal which the characters are driving towards at all time. Unfortunately, the ending is more than a little disappointing. Just as the plot ends, the story opens up to what seems like a greater adventure. This conclusion feels like an epic introduction to a much longer work. However, it ends just as the call to action is answered. Dark Seiyuu is begging for a sequel that will likely never be.

While Dark Seiyuu carefully balance its plot and science Evolution Girls and Last and First Idol are far less successful. There are multiple sections in these stories where long descriptions of the mechanics and functions of various scientific processes feel out of place and ruin the stories’ otherwise fantastic pacing. Thankfully, these descriptions are incredibly well written and researched, but you will enjoy the story far more for science than the plot. However, the greatest failure of the stories is in addressing the complex philosophical questions they touch upon, such as survival and cannibalism. It is such a missed opportunity, especially because it is clear from that Kusano is capable of incorporating philosophy wonderfully.

The sacrifices to story in the name of science are nothing when compared to the characters. Most of them are cruel, taking glee in their murderous escapades. Furthermore, they have very little development. If you asked me to describe the personality of any characters in Last and First Idol, I would not be able to. The one exception is Youko from Evolution Girls. Her motivation is far more believable and understandable than Mika’s wish to become the ultimate idol in Last and First Idol and helps sell her occasionally questionable actions effectively. Youko is easily the most likable character in any of the stories. While she does kill, it is necessary for survival, and she does not take the same glee in it that characters in other stories do.

Each of the stories in Last and First Idol contains yuri elements (obviously, otherwise I would have no business reviewing it). In the titular story, these elements are present in Niizono’s dedication to Mika, but outside of the implication, no bond between the two is ever clearly stated. In Evolution Girls, the yuri elements are more explicit, with Youko being in love with Vayu. Additionally, two of the side characters being implied to be interested in each other. Finally, there is Dark Seiyuu, which features two women in a relationship. Regrettably, their relationship, at least on Akane’s side, is more for publicity than any actual romantic or physical attraction. However, there are moments when Akane displays genuine affection and care for Sachii, but these moments are inconsistent. On one page, Akane can be comforting her and on the next annoyed by the girl.

Last and First Idol is a haunting and brilliant work of science fiction. It masterfully integrates otaku culture with high and hard sci-fi concepts, and its fast-paced stories will keep readers on the edge of their seats. However, its storylines and characters suffer at the expense of the stories’ scientific aspects. Still, if you are looking for an extensive and profound science fiction work that pulls no punches, be sure to give Last and First Idol a read.

Ratings: Story – 8 Characters – 2 Art – N/A LGBTQ – 4 Lewd – 0 Final – 7

You can purchase ‘Last and First Idol’ digitally now: https://amzn.to/2MPc4oB

Review copy provided by J-Novel Club

[artnerd1123]

DTRH!AU Masterpost

Moving into a new post since I’ve got stuff actually organized!!! It’ll likely get an update from time to time. Apologies to those whom the read more breaks for ‘^^

Everything to do with this au will be tagged #dtrh!au or #down the rabbit hole au Individual characters are tagged with #dtrh![name] 

Here’s an AU PMV for starters! 

Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

Putting this up here so it doesn’t get super buried- Here’s the fic(s) set in this AU! All Moving Pictures End 

The AU crash course: The premise behind the au is that everything takes place in a pocket dimension controlled by a black magic script. Joey Drew is the one who’s writing/editing this script, and his rewrites affect the world and the characters within it. His constant reshaping eventually twists the world from a sitcom genre to a horror film- hence the horror esque setting, creatures, and plot. The characters didn’t escape the rewrites’ effects either. They’re warped into corrupted versions of themselves. However, these characters end up becoming sentient after awhile. The first one of these to become entirely sentient is Henry. He’s currently the only one who’s all the way out of alignment. A toon gone rogue, if you will. He still goes along with Joey’s “plot,” but it’s more so he can try to reach the other characters than to keep Joey happy or unaware of his actions. His goal is to basically “wake up” the other characters, so they can all stop living in a hellish nightmare studio and actually try and make something nice out of their home. He’s extremely dedicated to his goal. 

Character time!!! toon trio refs / corrupted refs  butcher gang refs / corrupted refs  toon henry ref  toon sammy ref / corrupted sammy ref  toon susie ref / corrupted susie ref  toon allison and tom refs / corrupted allison and tom refs  joey ref / toon joey ref  toon norman ref / corrupted ref  toon bertrum ref / corrupted ref  toon and corrupted grant refs  toon jack ref / corrupted jack ref  toon wally ref / corrupted wally ref  toon and corrupted lacie refs  toon and corrupted shawn refs 

Character relationships/orientations 

Concept art, anyone? toon trio concept work (w/ bonus corrupted bendy n alice) corrupted boris/alice concept work (ft bonus hen) butcher gang concept work (w/ corrupted forms) henry concept work sammy concept work (and more henry) susie concept work joey concept work corrupted norman concept work toon norman concept work  throwing around lost ones ideas 

Misc stuff Henry, but Goop™  Susie and Studio Tea™  Hey Henry, how do u feel about Joey?  Yo hold up, hen and polk are a thing???  Henry’s glasses saga  Regular studio shenanigans 

FAQ: 

How many of the employees are gonna show up? Hopefully all the named ones in the game! Once they’ve got a design, they’re guaranteed to show up somewhere.

Are they really carbon copies of the employees? Is there nothing different about them and their irl counterparts? They started as carbon copies! Latching onto their old traits and their old selves does help them come to their senses. However, different character development happens in script than IRL, so they end up different. Henry, for example, takes up the last name “Ross” when he wakes up (instead of his IRL counterpart’s “Stien”) to differentiate himself :0

So is everyone corrupted on purpose? Yes and no. Yes, because Joey chose to rewrite the script so much that it mangled characters, but no, because he didn’t intend to mangle them in the first place. It just kinda happened.

What makes them corrupted? Corruption is what happens when you can’t hold onto the core of what your character is, and get dragged into what the new script is telling you. It’s when you lose sight of who you are among all the chaos. People who are drawn farther away from their actual selves end up more monstrous. Susie (aka “alice” angel) is a great example of this. Bendy is too! Far be it from his real nature to be a murderous monster.

So can the toons be uncorrupted? Yup! Henry’s our model citizen this time. He looks more like a toon than a normal person, sure, but there’s nothing monstrous about him. That’s because he’s latched onto what makes him Henry. He’s not letting the instability of the world around him shake him up. Otherwise he’d be a goopy mess of ink.

Why’d Joey write everyone so differently that they corrupted? He’s actually very out of touch with people once he starts rewriting the script. Since his memories are getting foggy, he fixates on details that he can remember, and exaggerates them as needed. In fact, he’s hidden tape recorders around the script studio as built in reminders of these character traits.

How’d Henry wake up? And how does he plan on waking everyone else up? Ok… this is a longer answer. It all comes together, i promise. Jus hang with me. Whenever henry dies, he gets sent back to a sort of “first draft” stage. In order to get back to the world he’s supposed to exist in, he has to get through all the layers of ink Joey put down to get to his current script. As one can imagine… there’s a lot. So much so that Henry has to essentially swim to the surface. As he passes through all this ink, he can hear whispers of previous scripts. The deeper he is, the closer these whispers are to what the world used to be like. Seeing as Henry is the protagonist, he ended up dying… a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Joey had a lot of snags in the script to work out. All these times sent into the draft-y ink soup made made Henry slowly realize what was going on. He wasn’t mindless anymore. He knew what was up. After realizing that the world wasn’t right, it didn’t take him long to push for the rest of his consciousness. He plans on using what whispers and memories he can gather to bring everyone else back. He’s not dying on purpose, mind you, but he gathers as much information as he can to help everyone else realize that they’re not who they’re supposed to be.

Wait, memories? Does Henry remember the past scripts now? Not quite? He’s got a good enough memory stockpile to keep himself centered, but he doesn’t always know what’s up ahead as he heads through another studio loop. If Joey happens to rewrite or change around the script, those patches of Henry’s memory blip out of existence. Or at least get hazy. Hen can often tell if Joey’s changed something by how many holes he has in his memories.

Can anyone in the pocket dimension get out? Henry’s the only one who can get out! Joey literally wrote him a back door to the script. It used to be so he could talk to Henry whenever the “story” was over, but nowadays it’s just to judge how fast plot goes via how quickly Hen gets back. All Henry can manage to do is walk around and stare silently. And he can’t even stay out very long. Ink’s unstable in the real world. Gotta go back in n start the horror show over if u wanna live :/

Can Joey go in? Nope! Since he’s not made of ink, he can’t go in. He can watch tho!!! He does so via writing POV shifts into the script, and watches through whatever character it shifted to. Who needs cameras when u got the eyes of black magic toons n inky monsters ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Does Joey know Henry is sentient now? Nnnnot quite? He thinks the magic is being screwy with him. He can’t switch POV to Henry anymore, since the toon’s taken control of himself, and that’s real confusing since the writer doesn’t know what’s up. Plus, like mentioned above, Hen can’t exactly give Joey a sign once he gets out of the studio. Bummer :/

Is Joey gonna majorly rewrite the script any time soon? Nope. He’s to attached to his current plot to change the genre or anythin, so it’s gonna stay as is. With some changes here and there. One musn’t underestimate how many times u can change the order of scenes, or improve dialogue... 

AU Background:

((this is long as shiz, so get some popcorn slfkjs))

Y’all probably wanna know how this whole horror show started. I’ve got two words for ya: Joey Drew. Unsurprising! But he’s our starting point nonetheless. Joey Drew is the retired owner of Joey Drew Studios, a cartoon studio that ran itself into the ground after a decade or two of fantastical cartoons. Money problems aren’t kind to the entertainment industries. However, the studio was still his pride and joy! As are the friends who stuck by him or met him during the time it was open. He kept up with all of them through the years. They were like a little family. Unfortunately, time has a way of changing things. With his friends drifting away, living their own lives, getting up in years, or a combination of the three, Joey wasn’t doing too well. He was lonely. Feeling washed up. Missing the glory days, where he helped work on cartoon scripts instead of submitting horror and mystery shorts to local magazines. Not all that surprising that he turned to something else to cope. This thing being none other than occult magic. Because… of course it is. It’s a habit he’s had for years. Nothing like some demonic rituals to spice up the life of the creative mind behind kids’ cartoons! Especially fun when you’re a man with poor impulse control and a wild imagination. In any case, Joey summons the three main characters of his beloved cartoon series. Bendy, Alice, and Boris! (I refer to these three as the “toon trio.”) He was just as happy that he’d managed to bring them to life as he was to have them around the house. It was like having slightly unruly grandkids with toony superpowers. In other words, they were absolutely delightful!!! He took care of them and admired their antics. It was a great time. … until. Well. It wasn’t. Turns out things that don’t belong in this world get rejected eventually. After a few months, things started go go wayward. The toon trio had difficulties maintaining their forms, moving, engaging in tropes, and a ton of other things. They were miserable. Joey was understandably heartbroken to see this happen to his poor toons. So, like any good person, he tried to do the right thing: put them back on the paper they came from. It didn’t end up working exactly how he’d expected. Everything comes with a price when you mess with demonic ink. The magic not only created a stack of paper instead of a series of drawings, but latched onto an old fountain pen and Joey’s closet. If the closet thing seems odd, it is. But it’s a convenient place to hide ritual pentagrams! So, closet it is. Upon frantic examination of the papers, Joey discovered it was a script. A black magic infused script. Three names up top told him the toon trio were the only characters. A bit of experimentation led him to discover that the magic-infused pen was the only thing that could interact with the script properly. Further experimentation showed him that the script had made his closet into a pocket dimension. The contents? Whatever was in his new script. This is where the real fun begins. The new magic script practically floored Joey with awe. He had a world he could shape however he wished! He could run all those scripts he’d never gotten to put in production! He could watch his toons frolick! He could even use it to play with ideas he’d never gotten to explore. The possibilities were endless! 

((Of course, you might be wondering if Joey… y’know. Knew the toons were still alive. Because they were, they were just living in a pocket dimension now. In short? No. He didn’t. He carefully tested a few things with the script, just to make sure. All the toons did was what he wrote down. They moved like they were alive, but didn’t act that way. Plus, the dimension made them blank slates. They didn’t have any characterization in there to make them truly alive. So! For all intents and purposes? He saw them as you would any other character you write. A visual extension of his imagination. Ok mini rant over, back to the story--))

Playing with the toons was amazing. Joey hadn’t had fun like that in years! It was his little secret world, populated by his cherished toons. He could make believe whatever he wished. Eventually, though, loneliness started to catch back up to the old man. His friends… his family… life… it all went on. He just felt left behind. And what does Joey do when he doesn’t feel good? Not cope healthily, that’s for sure. Onwards to more occult magic! Only this time, he tries something… different. The toons were lonely. They deserved company. They deserved someone to take care of them. A familiar face. Maybe someone who helped Joey create them in the first place. Someone who’d just sent Mr. Drew an old letter and a card, since he hadn’t seen him in awhile… … someone like Henry. Using the magic pen, Joey traced over Henry’s note. Far from ruining the precious letter, it transferred “Henry” into the script. It’s not the real one! Basically a carbon copy, fresh from the time period that Hen first wrote the note in. Seeing as Henry’s letter came from around the time the cartoon studio was going strong, it’s an old version of him. But it was still Joey’s old friend. Just… toony. Toon Henry reacted just as his living friend would. If he wrote dialogue? He spoke it like Henry would. If he wrote some action? The toon put a classic Henry twist on it. Delighted, Joey returned to his script with renewed vigor. Toon Henry got to spend plenty of quality with the toon trio as the days went on. Thus began a trend of toonification. Missing one of his old friends? All Joey had to do was grab something with their old handwriting on it, and trace them into the script! There’s a carbon copy that acts just like the real deal! A fine compromise, right? … Right? Not exactly. It was fine at first. Joey made what could probably qualify as a sitcom-style story for the toony world to run on. His friends, at this point, all populated the studio. The premise was that the toons (now including the butcher gang!) had been summoned while he was still running the studio, and got up to hijinks with the rest of the employees. A hefty dose of actual studio drama- turned comedic, of course- kept the whole thing almost real. Joey even featured himself once or twice, but only in allusions, or a disembodied voice. He wasn’t about to let a carbon copy of himself have all the fun. It made him feel less lonely. More included. A fantasy world of never ending fun and heartwarming moments. How unfortunate it is that life doesn’t follow this pattern. Morality is a hard thing to come to terms with. So is sickness. Especially that of a friend. … it was just one rewrite at first. One alteration on a bad day. After all, using writing to cope is perfectly acceptable. One bad episode in the midst of sunshine doesn’t discount it all. One uncanny occurrence, though, doesn’t usually stay singular. It didn’t take long for the solitary rewrite to become two rewrites. Then three. Four. Six. Ten. Twenty. Fifty. More and more and more. Until the happy honey colored studio slipped into sinister sepia. This wasn’t the old script anymore. Not by a long shot.

The setting? A studio of shattered dreams.   Your protagonist? Henry. His goal? Survive long enough to escape.

~It’s quite th͝e̵͞͏ ͠M̕a͘sţe̛̕r͘p̕i̵͝e̡ḉe̡̨͜~̡̛

[margaretthehuman]

HPHM character profile

Thank you so much @annevmoreira for tagging me!! 

General Information

Name: Margaret McCarthy Wayne

Age: 16

Gender: Female

Nicknames: Margo (By her dad) Pip, Baguette (By Jacob)

Date of Birth: March 13

Astrological/Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Ethnicity: White 

Nationality: British

Species: Witch, Animagus 

Blood Type: B

Blood Status: Half-blood

Family

(For this, I only included her immediate family) 

Father: Bob Arthur Wayne

Muggle

Only learned about the wizarding world after he had Jacob with his (ex) wife

Works as a writer and artist for comic books

All around very nice and chill guy

Loves his family very much

Really funny (has one of those contagious and loud laughs that makes other people want to laugh) 

Loud and happy

Hawaiin shirt dad

Has a dad bod

Tries to be hip with the kids

“How do you do fellow kids” -Bob Kane Wayne

Bisexual 

Mother: Elizabeth May Wayne

Pureblood

She attended Hogwarts

Ravenclaw

Worked as a librarian

Quiet and kind 

Had an eye and ear for gossip (Some say that's where Margaret got it from) 

Always wanted to have children

Started out really loving her family and life

After Jacob disappeared she resorted to drinking

Became very distant from everyone

Became more aggressive and hostile

lashed out at Margaret sometimes 

Just straight up and left one day

Bob woke up one day and all her stuff was gone 

No one knows where she is

Brother: Jacob Mae Wayne:

Half-Blood

Hufflepuff

Jacob was very close to his mother

Has a pet snake (Named Cinder, after Cinderella) 

Loves baking

His dream is to become a baker and open a bakery

He’s very soft and jumpy

and clumsy

most of his scars come from baking mishaps

A bit scatterbrain

Big Theatre Kid Energy™

Tries his best 

Brother: Thomas Ace Wayne

Muggle

A very kind and generous soul 

Smooth and has great social skills

He's very close with everyone in the family

works as a surgeon

Eldest sibling in the family

Later moves to America with his wife, Martha 

Ceo and founder of Wayne Enterprises 

He then had a child named Bruce 

He was murdered a couple of years after 

Step-Father: Patrick Kane Wayne:

Muggle

A very softspoken, well-kept, and smart man 

Bookworm

Wears turtlenecks 

Tall and skinny 

Founder and Owner of Wayne Tech and Wayne Corp 

Also, very rich 

Like, really rich 

Welcomes Bob and Margaret with open arms

Bob and Patrick are really cute together tbh

Affiliation(s)/Organization(s)

Hufflepuff

Wayne Family

Hogwart School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 

The Daily Prophet 

Occupation(s)

Reporter and Gossip Correspondent for the Daily Prophet

Magical Characteristic.

Form of Boggart: Her future self alone and sad

Form of Riddikulus: Derek Savage (that man is both my guardian angel and my sleep paralysis demon)

What do they see in the Mirror of Erised?: Her mother

Wand(s):

Length: 10 1/4″

Flexibility: SlightlyYielding flexibility

Wood: Hawthorn wood

Core: Dragon core

Form of Patronus: Unicorn 

Animagus:  Rose-breasted grosbeak (bird)

Amortentia:

What she smells: roasted marshmallows, burning wood, smoke

What she smells to others: baking, sugar, cookies, and cake

Appearance

Height: 5′0″

Weight: 125

Complexion (skin tone/conditions):

White 

Soft and plump skin

Hair Color/Style:

Shoulder length, wavy 

Ombré- starts out dark brown on the top, lighter in the middle, practically blonde on the bottom

Eye Color: Bright blue

Hogwarts Information

Worst Class(es):

Potions: She gets to stressed trying to make the potion perfect, that the potion ends up blowing up in her face

D.A.D.A.: She hates this class mostly due to its teacher 

Transfiguration: As much as she loves McGonagall, she finds having to turn living beings into objects very unsettling

Best Class(es):

History of Magic: She really loves history. She doesn't care how boring the lectures are, she just loves learning about history.

Herbology: She finds plants to be really cute and treats them all as if they were her children 

Flying: She loves the feeling of wind in her hair and the thrill of flying on a broom

Least Favourite Teacher(s):

Rakepick: God does she hate this woman. Even from the beginning, she didn't trust Rakepick. 

Favorite Teacher(s):

McGonagall: McGonagall is, in many ways, is like a mother figure to Margaret. Shes kind but stern, and Margaret greatly admires her

Flitwick: I mean, who doesn't like Flitwick? an idiot, that's who. 

Quidditch:

She doesn't play quidditch

but

If the Hufflepuff quidditch team had a cheerleading team, she would be the head cheerleader 

Favorite spell(s):

Depulso 

Meteolojinx

Expecto Patronum

Trivia (random facts about them, future job, face claim, theme song, etc.):

One of her favorite things is to go to her step-dads extravagant parties and mess with all the rich people there with Thomas 

Has a GIAGANTIC sweet tooth 

Has a scar on her stomach 

Learned to fight from her brother and his friend 

Has gotten into a lot of fist fights in the muggle world

Actually really strong

Could lift a person with one hand tbh 

Falls in love easily 

Loves to read mystery books

Always wanted to own a grappling hook 

I would also imagine her as being a great fashion designer 

Like, she hand-sews her own outfits

Had to work alongside Emily Tyler when she was an apprentice for Rita Skeeter 

Tagging: @sirfluffig and @moko-sh !!! ❤️❤️

[nshah2]

First Part of Story Lolz: The first step into the cavern isn’t that dark. People believe it is but they’re just intimidated by the dark green moss that grows around it along with the spiky vines. Marie Jane? The Marie who likes to switch between Mary because it makes her feel chic? Oh she was just flabbergasted to the even proposition of stepping one Louis Vuitton, red high-heel in there. Even so, she was curious about the bright side of the cavern, as much of an oxymoron of that statement is. Everyone is.

Alex Lyres, skinny jeans and long sleeves, brown skin or hairy arms, one of the two, that is unsuspecting of outside analyzing, and depressed green eyes. They  fell silent in front of the cavern, walked in slowly in a trance of the great things that awaited, pushing away the wispy spider webs and teething bats. I hope she doesn’t get lost.

Kamila Civet, she ran. She ran straight in, we hardly saw her anymore. She’s addicted to the cavern, she likes to run through all of it. She can’t handle the darkness though, it pushes her out with sharp black nails, sometimes it only used two, sometimes it used all.

The cavern does terrible things, it made me lose what was alread lost.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1:

A tip of a black word that could have meant to be blue grazes me everytime I step out of my house. Ten thousand words clutter the pages of others' mother tongues, so you can imagine the scars that yielded me weak to the eye of the majority. Fading away into the deepest shadow of Oaktown High seemed to cloak me with the power of moving through the halls without being at a sword's end, or at least at one I could see. I had grown comfortable with this lifestyle because it’s all I knew along with the wrappers of mistakes in my closet. But please do not play the chorus of slow violin notes because I am not my paragraph, I am my essay. 

I couldn’t say the same about Mary Jane.

Gaggles of laughter follow her tall figure, swaying with her long blonde hair. Skinny arms wrapped around the shoulders of her companions whose skin is as unblemished as their reputation.  Longing stares from the girls and boys who smile for status. An idolized individual that excelled at whatever you did not. “Okay, okay, listen!” Samia Davenport tries to reason, “Ignore the fact he’s a ginger. He’s cute.” Mary squeezes Samia’s face and squeals, “My little babushka is growing up. She likes men who aren’t on reality T.V too!” Samia swats her arm away, trying not to laugh. “Oh shut up, don’t deny that Dave Hansen is absolutely my soulmate.” Dave Hansen? Interesting, stupid choice. The boy who spread a rumor about you being homeless in eighth grade? The boy who chopped your hair off in ninth! The boy who smirks and everything feels like a blissful high, a serenity of happiness flooding through your brain. Too bad he likes Maya, who dismissed half of his heart with a slur that demolished him into succumbing to a camp which told him, be Christian, not you. 

They’re idiots for craving such expensive baggage because they know they can’t have it, though I can’t fault them. I’ve -however- learned to push my credit card back into my pocket and tame my legs to walk out of the store. 

Mary nods with disinterest as she eyes Ms. Alejandras classroom. “Wait up, okay?” She grinned at Samia  and rushed in the door. “Ms! Ms. Alehandra, I was wondering if I could obtain some extra credit?” 

“Mary, just turn in your missing assignments . I’ll give you 50% for each.” 

“I lost all the papers.” 

“I can print new ones.” 

I watch the exchange with dancing pupils, careful to not let my shadow get into the light. Mary has fists furrowed into small pockets with inching frustration poking out of them.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Tapping on the linoleum floor, 1, 2, 3, 4…

“It’s uneven. It has to be 0-5, 5-10, 15-20. Right now if I do an extra credit assignment it’ll finally be 0-5.”

“Does it have to be in 5s?”

“More satisfying in 5s ma’am.”

Ms. Alejandra adjusts her long brown pencil skirt and touches Mary’s shoulder. “Read a book after you complete your missing assignments and then talk to Dr. Vienna.”

 

Mary sighs, she nods a quiet thank you and walks away with red fists and a crippling smile. “Did you get the extra credit?” Samia asks. Mary laughs , “No, that idiot was like ‘oh just talk to Dr. Vienna after you do it. Like oh cause he always helps, blah, blah.”

Dr. Vienna, the man who thought if you met him or his staff every night at 8:00 pm to get your daily fix of yellow, blue, pink, or green you could be cured from your worries. I mean, he’s not wrong. But yellow turns to blue and blue to pink and pink to green and then thousands of green clutter a controlled mind.  

“What did you say?” Samia asks.

“I was just like ‘Yeah, sure, whatever haha.”

“I would have just cleaned her room right then and there, just ignore her and start cleaning.”

“Oh, if only.”

A familiar buzz sounds through the halls. A calling for lost luggage, they want to keep alive. Too bad our owners aren’t coming to pick us up any time soon. Airport security was a hassle enough the first time.

Most of us groan and walk to  the assigned seats and watch the numbers. Dr. Vienna sits with the ones who watch too carefully. “Don’t you wish you were like them?” Says the blonde girl next to me, tapping my shoulder. “No Kamila, I don’t.” She rolls her eyes, “Well then you're crazy, imagine how easy it is for them. I can’t believe some of these girls came voluntarily. It’s like being Albert Einstein and then going to a camp that teaches you to be dumb.” Kamila eyes her cheesy potato cubes and boiled egg on veggies. She stuffs all of it in her pocket, one egg slice, one cube, one veggie at a time. Staring, being mesmerized by the girls who grasp control over uncontrollable behaviors. I want to tap her shoulder like she did to me but I know she’s so much more cluttered than me, she would trip over all her the mess in her brain to think that’s pretty. Mary walks to our table with her plate of food, a lunch of one cookie, one apple, two pieces of lean fish, a salad, and a baked potato. “Just be balanced.” Mary said, smiling shiny white teeth. “Do you really want to go into the cavern just to look like that? They’re miserable.” Kamila glared back, “Oh please Mary. All 5’8 of you would want to sit there and look like that. Everyone does.” Mary sits down, “Of course everyone does. But it’s not worth it. Besides, the cavern is so gross and if you go the wrong way you are done forever. You don’t even get to be them. “

Kamila scowled in disgust, “Ugh you know nothing! I already did, I got lost too but I’m going to go back and find my way in.” Mary laughed, “Kamila, you're going to go in there and never get out. You're going to want to keep going. But you won’t be able to. It’s like a cigarette, you’ll be addicted.” 

“What’s the cavern?” I popped in. They looked at me with shock.

 “You don’t know what the cavern is? It’s literally why almost everyone is in here. What are you in for then?” 

“My parents got sick of having a kid who doesn’t know how to love them.” My flat response. It didn’t even feel like I spoke, I just opened my mouth and the words fell into place. The ones I was hoping would never come out. 

“Oh.” They said in unison, eyes wary of the girl they once thought was innocent. Would it be better if I had gone into the cavern first? Got addicted to it, whatever ‘it’ may be.” Uneasily Mary explained, “If you haven’t gone into the cavern, it’s best you only know it by its code name. It’s not actually a cavern.” 

Kamila joined in, “I came in here for other reasons too, then I learned about it and started. You need something to distract you here. I mean but if you haven’t started it, find something else.”

“Just tell me what it is.”

They both looked at eachother, they seemed indecisive. Should we tell her? I could practically hear the words they looked at each other with. It couldn’t be that problematic, could it? “I’m sure I’ve heard of worse.” They both shook their heads. “It’s not that you haven’t.”

Kamila tried to explain.

“It’s just that you can’t try it once and be done. If you try it, you're done for. It’s not murder obviously, it’s...it’s like everything bad on this world is labeled in colors. Blue for normal, green for normal but you're slipping, orange for hey this is getting bad, and red for you messed up. The cavern pushes you to orange right? But then you like it so you keep going and slip down to red. Then it's like...it takes all of it’s rocks and barricades you with them. The oxygen is slowly slipping away, you know you will die. But in your mind that's worth it so you either die or someone pulls you out.  Hardly ever does anyone pull you out though.”

  

Chapter 2:

All week I had been curious to what the cavern was, jumping at any chance to pull the answer out of unsuspecting victims. Yet they always hushed me and pointed at a staff member or harshly whispered something along the lines of “if you don’t know you don’t need to. I shouldn’t be talking about this here.” Yet in every location I could find with every set of people available, the answer was always the same. Actually that's a false statement, as time went on the answers became more general and specific at the same time. The cavern was so wide, it had such an in depth storyline but from physical appearances it was normal and forgettable. The cavern came off as a stranger to me, a human I did not know who has a story that would make me cry if I read it.

 “Mama used to say that my eyes were a gift from the desert, that they were a sandy brown drought. “

That’s cute.” Commented Kamila. “My Mom used to call me a little bird. Since my legs used to be really skinny and I liked to wear my halloween costume wings like almost every day.”

“Did I say that out loud?” I ask.

“Yeah, you do that a lot, ponder quietly with a mysterious look on your face and then randomly drop in the crumble of words in your head.”

“Oh.”

           I’m pretty sure Mom used to say something like that. That my eyes seemed to get lost in the colourful realm, speechless to the greenery of new ideas and scenarios. I guess the cavern was a new scenario. I had spent two years at Oakwood, never once did the word cavern actually mean anything to me than the base definition. I suspected it was a hangout for teens to maybe drink or smoke, that’s why they called it addicting. But Mom also used to say “Your never far off from the truth once you make an assumption, your penny isn’t in the fairy’s hand but it’s going down the well, it’s getting closer.” It could be about smoking or drinking, but then they would have used another example to compare it to.  Reverse psychology? No, in the span of a few seconds they wouldn’t have been intellectual enough to corroborate such an intricate plan, unless they did... But they aren’t exactly top of the chain in terms of intelligence.

No, they certainly weren’t. One blank page could hold wiser knowledge than their  brains could ever learn in their lifetime. Maybe the way they mindlessly transferred their thoughts onto a piece of a paper got them an A, but they have no street smarts. A ratio that didn’t match Mary's agenda would throw her off her high horse into the dirt. If Kamila spoke a word everyone didn’t agree with she would resort back to the deep depths of her mind, not caring about the cobwebs and dirty floor. Everyone in this school is like this, stubborn, selfish brats who didn’t realise that sticking your nose in a book doesn’t make you a genius. It makes you an average person who gets a teacher's signature on her report card with a happy face sticker. Wow, good on you, a happy face, that’s going to get you through life? A happy face? 

“Little Madam, the one in the blue dress? Oh where is she, is she sticking out because of her oh so obvious dress? Or the fact that she isn’t hearing anything I’m saying?”

Everyone laughs with pasted smiles for an objective. Everyone knows Ms. Alejandra picks favorites. It’s all objective. Even her damn joke is objective, a power move, calling everyone out and making them laugh about it. Keep laughing, I’m not a clone.

Definitely not a clone of her favorites right now.

“Yes, Ma’am?” I speak, keeping my dignity upheld.

She sighs with annoyance, “Can you tell me what I was just explaining about chain rules?”

Chain rules, chain rules, chain rules...She must have just been covering it today, that fatuous fool Kamila was correct. The cavern was good for distracting you.

“I’m not sure.” I say, my voice felt like a particularly bad day on the ground near the Pacific Ocean in the Philippines.

Another sigh, this time with actual disappointed eyes. Did she expect me to know the complications of a couple of Xs and numbers labeled under-

“The derivative of f(g(x)) . g’(x) will always be f'(g(x))⋅g'(x).”

Everyone turned around to the raised hand and straight face of Alex Lyres. A matty mess of short, dirty blonde hair, bangs almost cocealing the never turned off glare in her green eyes.  Her limbs were long and skinny and danced in the wind every Friday where administrators let her be `recreational”.  

Alex Lyres who sits at the table with Dr. Vienna every day and goes to him personally for three green ones every night. She speaks seldom but when she does her words dive into your mind and almost as quickly as they come in, evaporate. She would know about the cavern, she was at the table Kamila admired specifically because people who were there  went in the cavern. Or should I say, went in too deep. But I’d have to rephrase my wording into a more casual conversation. You don’t just light a candle in a monster accompanied by darkness, you wait for the perfect time. 

Tick, Tock.

Tick, Tock.

Tick, Tock.

One-Forty. Two-a clock.

The bell dings its warning signs and Alex lifts her legs off the seat. In quick movements she makes her way to her bedroom. The teacher gives her that stern ‘what do you think you're doing’ look and she starts to slow down, hanging her head a little lower. 

“Alex! Hey!”

She looks around, uncomfortable that her name has been brought into the spotlight. Don’t worry Alex, give me the answers and the switch gets clicked off.

It gives her a chance though, a chance to slide her feet across the marble floor, static building in her soft teddy bear socks. 

“Alex, hey can I ask you something?”

“Sure, um…?”

I disregard her blank stare, notioning me to give out my name. My name has never been uttered in the walls of this wretched place and it never will. I won’t give it that power. 

“How do you do it?”

It’s like her facial features immediately morphed into a sweaty recognition about what I’m about to say.

“How do I do what?”

“Y’know…” I push, “How do you do the...cavern?”

She looks at me for a couple of seconds before shaking her head and storming away. I chase after her which isn’t hard because she speeds with caution. Why? We aren’t allowed to run in the halls but we can speed walk. She’s not going to get in trouble for speed walking.

“Yeah, I am.”

“I said that aloud?” I really need to stop doing that.

“No, I can just see it in your face. You're confused on why  I look so cautious. Yeah, I will get in trouble if I’m going ‘above average speed’ or whatever.”

My hand instinctively goes to grab my chin, I pause indecisively. It’s extra but it’s what you're supposed to do when you're confused. “Why?”

“Why do you think?” She snaps.

“I don’t know, why are you specific?”

“Not just me, everyone else in the cavern.”

My mind jumps back to the main objective and I robotically  move myself into a more sympathetic position. Arms crossed with pouty eyes, “Why wouldn’t they let you run just because you’ve been in the cavern?”

“Again, why do you think?”

“I don’t know?”

She looks at me up and down with quizzing eyes, her disbelief is obvious. I’m not sure what I did wrong, I guess I really need more information. 

Her eyes widened with shock, “Oh my god, are you that one girl who's trying to find the cavern? Oh, my friends told me you would try to find me, just forget about it!” 

I don’t care about much at all. The world is a blank page I’d like to keep clean, showing interesting written words I can not erase. If I try, the eraser marks will clutter what could have been a precise story of nothing. If I don’t care, nothing happens which is easier than risking your life for a second of happiness that will wash away. Yet, now, there are no warm arms to welcome me into a hug. No one is waiting for the three special words from me anymore. My desire from others has faded away to a past sentence no one will ever flip a page back to again. No one wants me, I have no purpose. It would make the three years pass a little bit faster, maybe once I’m out I can prove I am still deserving of those arms.

I’m not playing by a script anymore, the stage has disappeared. Emotions come rushing back as the dam has broken with that one phrase. I can’t forget about it, I can’t be denied again. Just give me something to latch onto, please.

My voice cracks and eyes water, alien sobs escape my cracked lips. Alex watches as I fall to the ground. I can’t understand why I’m crying. I don’t know what’s going on. I just know that I still feel no matter how much I want to deny. Suddenly I feel those warm arms I’ve been longing for since the first day I stepped foot into Oakwood. Alex cloaks me in kindness while I stare blankly at the dizzy walls. “Are you okay?” Alex asks.

“No.” I reply.

Alex sighs and pulls me up, “I...do you consider yourself-like...doomed? Do you think of yourself as a time bomb?”

“No, that’s idiotic.”

She looks at me with eyes that are confused, “When you get out of here, you have hope?”

I’m about to say yes, yes of course I do. I don’t even deserve to be here, I didn’t do anything. I’m fine, I-

The strong glass walls reinforced with thick creamy clay blocks  show me a reflection of a stranger. I can’t speak for her.

“I don’t know.”

“Ok.”

Alex starts walking down the hall so I follow, feeling sheepish and insecure. What just happened? Her dorm room  is void of decoration and sound, an echoless big room. 

She motions for me to go in, so I do. 

“You want to know what the cavern is?”

“Yes, obviously.”

“Ok, choose.”

She lays out three items on her bed, “Choose one.”

There is a toothbrush, a jug, and a box with cloth inside.

“How did you get this all? The toothbrush isn’t used right?”

“On my rare free days, I collect what I can.”

“You hid this? I’ve heard of smuggling phones, but a humongous jug?”

“You’d be surprised what siblings can smuggle in for you when they're giving you ‘clothes’?”

I look at the random items, “What is the point of these? What are you trying to prove, just tell me!”

She looks at me with annoyance, “Do you want to do this my way or get someone else's help. Trust me, if you really want to know you're going to do it my way. No one is as sadistic as I am to help you.”

Chapter 3:

I took the toothbrush, unsure of the faith that comes with it. I already have one so it just lies in my cabinet drawer, waiting for it’s mysterious day to arrive. I’m not sure really what or how this will lead me to the cavern. I’ve been trying it out though, in every situation I can’t really find a way to use it. So, again, my only choice is to hint a subtle lie, a little dancing shadow among the white imperial clouds. I hinder my speed from each class so Kamila’s wistful, disorganized eyes can zero in on me. Her being, well her, she’s obviously going to ‘casually’ speed up to me so she can initiate a conversation about her busy schedule. I’ll listen, or at least pretend to, while she goes on about being so tired her eyes nearly popped out from studying so she couldn’t get that one math page done and can she copy mine? 

That’s boring and I don’t have time though.

“Hey! Were you waiting up for me?” Kamila asks, tapping my shoulder.

“You can copy my math page Kamila.” I say dryly, she's not the only one who's tired from studying. 

“Excuse me?” She asks, tone offended. She walks in front of me and places her hands on her hips. “Why would you think I need that?”

“Why else would you be talking to me?” I ask, did I misread why she always sped up to me in the hallways? I’m not in any clubs, I don’t think I can help her with advice for that.

“What the hell do you mean? ‘Cause you're my friend?” Her structure relaxes a little bit, seeing my face soften into a concerned look. I wrinkled my nose a little more so I look less offensive and more defensive. ‘Slouch a bit, look down. She’s mad.’ I think to myself. It’s working.

Then the words set in and I stop for a second. The definition of a friend is a person you have a bond of mutual affection with.

“‘I’m not affectionate towards you.” I say.

Kamila looks at me with that studying eyes of hers, “Yeah, so?”

“Then we aren’t friends.”

“Yeah, but-”

“There is no “but”, that’s the exact definition of friend.”

She sighs with frustration, “Do you like garlic bread?”

“What does that have to do with-”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

She pulls out a dictionary from her satchel, “The definition of  like is to have love, respect, and admiration for something. Tell me, do you admire garlic bread?”

“To be honest, food is quite neutral as a whole to me-”

Her face looked tired and annoyed so I cut it off.

“No, I don’t admire garlic bread.”

Her face transforms from drowsy monday to a bright sunday morning, “Exactly!” With that, she strided off with her red sneakers bouncing off the marble floor through the endless hallways. I never got to ask her about the toothbrush.

Why are people so complicated? I don’t understand any of them. Why doesn’t anyone want anything from me here?