#in being able to express the idea of a piece of code explicitly

[piratesexmachine420]

@castle-guard-0341

Well, yeah of course. But IMO the benefit of a foreach is that, in eliding bounds-checking and an explicit iterator-advance expression, we gain a lot of clarity. There's only one "kind" of foreach, so its purpose is always going to be more obvious, and thus easier to read.

I think a "foreachwhile" would add similar clarity in a small niche of applications -- though it's obviously a little more involved.

Consider a scenario where we need to write a procedure that copies elements from buffer foo into buffer bar until it finds an element equal to baz. Which of these pseudocode implementations is more legible?

for (iter i = foo.iter(); i* != None && i* != baz; i = i.next()) { bar.push(i*); }

for element in foo { if element == baz { break; } bar.push(element); }

for element in foo while element != baz { bar.push(element); }

There should be an explicit foreachwhile loop. for X in Y while Z { ... } instead of for X in Y { if Z {break;} ... }

[mako-mahko]

This is based on a possibly controversial reading of Ed that was brilliantly explained by this post by @chuplayswithfire- it’s a very nice read and made me realize what I am going to talk about in here. 

Something which I find incredibly interesting, especially in the era of queer media being dominated by teenage and young adult love stories, is how the readings of queer characters and storylines have been seemingly skewed by the existence of coming-of-age stories. This, along with the possible absence of knowledge about code-switching as mentioned in the post above, could possibly be an explanation for why certain reads of the OFMD characters seem incongruent for what is seen in the show. This is most prevalent for Ed and Izzy, two characters for whom people tend to fit into typical character archetypes seen in teen-centric media.

Most queer media being produced now expresses the highs and lows of finding yourself during that period of teenage discovery. As such, there are some formulas typically involved in these stories- the characters will discover aspects of themselves they didn’t know existed, and will go on the journey of self discovery along with the journey of battling first love. As audience members and traumatized members of fandom (through many lackluster, safe, and stereotypical “queer” pieces of media), I think that there is a stigma, one of no blame, starting to form for how the characters will develop within an actually good story that features explicitly queer content. The self-discovery arc, although not something that is impossible for older characters to experience (it even somewhat happens in the show with Stede realizing his love for Ed), is not what a majority of the characters in OFMD have as one of their storylines. 

The main characters in Our Flag Means Death are very intriguing because they exist in a state that I could almost call a constant mid-life crisis. Stede had been unhappy with his life on land, so he took to the seas to become a pirate. Ed was bored and uninterested by remaining Blackbeard, so he pursues Stede, someone new and interesting, and is able to express more of his true self. Izzy is in a state of turmoil due to someone who had been relatively constant in what Izzy believed to be his natural state, Ed as Blackbeard, getting “corrupted” by Stede. These are instances that occur to characters that already have all their character traits and personalities fleshed out. Stede knows he’s unhappy on land, so he leaves and goes to do the things he loves, which is the sea and being a pirate (as expressed when he plays with his children). Ed was already frustrated of being viewed as Blackbeard, and he carried that red silk with him from a very young age (an age at which he already expressed both a love for finer things and more violent tendencies). Izzy maintains loyalty to the ferocity of Blackbeard, and renounces Ed due his personal belief that that is not the correct state that Ed should be in, despite that being another facet of Ed’s personality. 

These characters have already matured to the point of their life in which they know, more or less, who they are. There are challenges to their beliefs, of course, such as Stede’s conflicts with his old life, the party and episodes 9 and 10 in Ed’s case, and Izzy’s entire existence in this show (except for episode ten in which he feels vindicated that the person who he thought Blackbeard should be returned- but that’s for a different post.) 

The characterization that I have been noticing seems to gloss over these previously established character traits and delves into how the character’s development in the show- such as Ed having to take all the parts of himself and express it as being truly him- lends itself to the idea that Ed doesn’t know who he is. And while that’s a viable take, it makes more sense within the show that he needs to figure out how to show all of himself at one time, as opposed to hiding behind a mask or playing up those aspects of himself in order to fit in. The self-discovery arc that teens typically endure throughout their respective stories is one that Ed already has gone through- now he’s attempting to settle what he knows to be himself with how he adapts to fit in with his surroundings.

[newdougsblog]

The Tragic Hero Full of Fear

Hello everyone! Before I get into this, I’d like to thank @jasontoddiefor​ for both the name and being the main enabler of this fun piece of writing. I also want to thank all my wonderful friends over on Discord for letting me bounce ideas off of them and helping me. You are all amazing!!

Ok, so let’s get into it!

The first six Star Wars movies (the Original and Prequel trilogies) are commonly referred to as “the Tragedy of Darth Vader.”  But what makes these movies a tragedy? How is Anakin Skywalker himself, the main character of said tragedy, a tragic hero? In this meta/essay, I will discuss how Anakin himself is definitionally a tragic hero and outline his story as it relates to the structure of a classic Greek tragedy.  

This essay will focus solely on Anakin’s character as he is canonically portrayed.

The Hero

Let’s go through the main traits of a tragic hero (as per early literature) and discuss them in the context of Anakin Skywalker.

Possesses immense courage and strength and is usually favored by the gods

Anakin’s courage is evident throughout his entire life, such as when he participates in the pod race in TPM or on the front lines during the Clone Wars. 

While we cannot definitively ascribe Anakin’s abilities to any deity, we can associate them with the Force. The Force is able to somewhat influence the happenings of the universe in certain ways and takes the place of any sort of deity.

Whether Anakin is the “Chosen One” or not, his connection to the Force is stronger than that of any other Force-sensitive being, so he is consequently closer to it than most, if not all, other Force-sensitive beings. 

Extreme loyalty to family and country 

Anakin is consistent in his demonstrations of loyalty to those he has strong feelings for (whether those feelings be romantic or platonic).

His devotion to Padmé surpasses his loyalty to the Jedi, and he is always willing to go to great lengths to ensure their safety and well-being.

Anakin also exhibits a strong sense of devotion to his mother, Shmi. His devotion to her, and by extension her wellbeing, surpasses his duties as Jedi. 

In ROTS, Anakin says, “I will not betray the Republic… my loyalties lie with the Chancellor and with the Senate… and with you” (you, in this case, referring to Padmé). In this quotation, Anakin’s loyalties are made quite clear. At this point, he is not faithful to the Jedi, but to his government, its leaders, and, of course, his wife.

Representative of society’s current values

During the Clone Wars, Anakin is known by the moniker, “the Hero with No Fear,” and is one of the Republic’s “poster boys.” He is charismatic, kind, seemingly fearless (obviously) and a strong fighter, thus representing the values that were important to the Republic at the time. The last characteristic is especially important because of the assurance it instills in times of war. As a representation of the Republic, Anakin’s prowess on the battlefield creates hope for its citizens that victory is possible. 

Anakin also empathizes with the opinion that the seemingly outdated Jedi Code holds them back. In the Citadel Arc, Tarkin remarks that “the Jedi Code prevents [the Jedi] from going far enough to achieve victory.” Anakin actually agrees with this statement, replying that “[he’s] also found that [the Jedi] sometimes fall short of victory because of [their] methods” (Season 3, Episode 19). He shows a sense of allegiance not to the ancient ways of the Jedi, but to the newer, more modern ideals regarding military action. 

Anakin claims to have brought “peace, justice, freedom, and security” to his “new Empire.” While the Empire's interpretations of the aforementioned values are skewed, Anakin continues to represent them as Darth Vader. 

Anakin’s statement to Obi-Wan also mirrors Palpatine’s declaration to the Senate: “In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society which I assure you will last for ten thousand years.” The people applaud this statement, demonstrating a general sense of exhaustion in regards to the war and a yearning for what this new Empire is promising them.

Lead astray/challenged by strong feelings

Though there are many, many examples of Anakin’s emotions getting the better of him, we’re simply going to list two:

Anakin’s fury and anguish after the death of his mom leads to his slaughter of the Tuskens

Anakin’s overwhelming fear of losing Padmé is ultimately what leads to his Fall.

Every tragic hero possesses what is called a hamartia, or a fatal flaw. This trait largely contributes to the hero’s catastrophic downfall. Anakin’s hamartia is his need for control, which partially manifests through his fear of loss. 

Let’s explore this idea in more detail. 

Though Anakin grows up as a slave, the movies neglect to explicitly cover the trauma left from his time in slavery. However, it is worth noting that slaves did not have the ability to make many choices for themselves; they didn’t even own their bodies. After being freed, Anakin is whisked away to become a Jedi. He does not possess much control over his life as Jedi, for he is simply told what path he is going to take. While Anakin does make this decision on his own, becoming a Jedi is a disciplined and somewhat-strict way of life and not one that allows for an abundance of reckless autonomy as he is wont to engage in. 

(Side note: I’m not here to argue about Qui-Gon’s decision-making abilities, nor do I wish to engage in discourse regarding the Jedi’s way of life. I am simply presenting and objectively stating these facts in relation to Anakin because they are pertinent to my point.) 

During AOTC, Anakin is unable to save his mother from death. As Shmi dies in his arms, Anakin is absolutely helpless. The situation is completely out of his control, and he is forced to contend with the reality that despite all of his power, he cannot control everything that happens. 

He also feels that he has a larger potential for power and is being held back by Obi-Wan: “although I'm a Padawan learner, in some ways... a lot of ways... I'm ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials. I know I am! He knows it too. He believes I'm too unpredictable… I know I started my training late... but he won't let me move on.” Anakin believes Obi-Wan, his teacher and mentor, is holding him back. He expresses a self-held conviction of his status and skills and does not trust the word of his superior. 

In ROTS, Anakin starts dreaming of Padmé’s death. Considering what occurred the last time he dreamt of a loved one’s demise, Anakin is justifiably (or at least justifiably from his point of view) worried. He consequently wants to stop these dreams from coming true in any way possible. His fear of death, especially that of his loved ones, represents his need for control over everything, even things that are uncontrollable. This overwhelming desire leads to Anakin’s drastic actions.

As Darth Vader, he no longer possesses such fears, for everyone that he loved is either dead or has betrayed him. He is the epitome of order and control, eliminating any who disturb this perceived equilibrium. 

However, this changes because of one person: Luke Skywalker. 

Luke reintroduces something that was (arguably) long-absent in Vader’s life, which is interpersonal attachment. Vader yearns for his son to join him by his side. When Luke refuses, Vader continues to attempt to seek him out. In ROTJ, Vader is forced to choose between the Emperor, a man he has long trusted and followed, and Luke, the son he never knew he had. Out of a desire to protect and keep what little family he has left (and likely a sense of “I couldn’t save Padmé but at least I can save her legacy by keeping her child(ren) alive and safe”), Vader defeats the Emperor and saves his son. Though his actions are definitionally heroic, Anakin never truly overcomes his hamartia. 

The Structure of a Tragedy

Classic Greek tragedies follow a specific story structure, which, according to the German playwright Gustav Freytag, is as follows:

We’re going to focus on the three aspects that best represent Anakin’s story as a tragedy: The peripeteia, the anagnorisis, and the catastrophe/denouement. These occur during and/or after the climax. 

The peripeteia is the climax/the turning point in the plot. Said change usually involves the protagonist's good luck and prosperity taking a turn for the worse. 

Within the tragedy we are discussing, the peripeteia occurs when Anakin chooses Sidious over Mace Windu and solidifies his allegiance to the Dark side, becoming the very thing he swore to destroy. It is at this point that things really start to go downhill. He kills children, chokes his wife, fights his best friend, gets his remaining limbs cut off, etc. 

The anagnorisis is the point in the tragedy when the protagonist recognizes their error, seeing the true nature of that which they were previously ignorant of, usually regarding their circumstances or a specific relationship (such as Oedipus’ realization that his wife was actually his mother). In most tragedies, the anagnorisis is in close proximity to the peripeteia. In Anakin’s story, the anagnorisis occurs during ROTJ. After being wounded in his fight against Luke, Vader watches as his son is brutally electrocuted by Sidious. It is at this moment that Darth Vader realizes that Luke was right—there is good in him, and he still has the chance to redeem himself. 

The catastrophe/denouement (since this is a tragedy, we’re going to go with “catastrophe”) is the end of the tragedy. Events and conflicts are resolved and brought to a close, and a new sort of “normality” is established. The catastrophe often provides a sense of catharsis (release of tension) for the viewer. The protagonist is worse off than they were at the beginning of the tragedy. 

The catastrophe within “The Tragedy of Darth Vader” transpires soon after the anagnorisis at the end of ROTJ. Though the realization of his capacity for good is the anagnorisis, the follow-through (via his actions), as well as what consequently occurs, is the catastrophe. As previously discussed, Vader saves Luke by killing the Emperor but does so at the cost of his own life. This serves as the resolution of the tragedy, for the hero’s fate has been confirmed—Darth Vader fulfills his destined role as the Chosen One and, in doing so, brings about his own redemption and dies as Anakin Skywalker.

In conclusion, the categorization of Star Wars as a tragedy is a choice that heavily influences Anakin, the protagonist and hero, of the story. He is without a doubt a tragic hero whose fatal flaw leads to his downfall. In accordance with Aristotle’s theory of tragedy, Anakin’s tragedy is constructed not by personal agency, but by the narrative itself.

Works Cited

“Darth Vader.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 15 Mar. 2021, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darth_Vader.

“Dramatic Structure.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 20 Feb. 2021, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure.

“Hero.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., 19 Oct. 2016, www.britannica.com/art/hero-literary-and-cultural-figure.

Lucas, George, director. Star Wars: Episode III— Revenge of the Sith. Lucasfilm Ltd., 2005.

Lucas, George, director. Star Wars: Episode II— Attack of the Clones. Lucasfilm Ltd. , 2002.

Michnovetz, Matt. “Star Wars: The Clone Wars, ‘Counterattack.’” Season 3, episode 19, 4 Mar. 2011.

“Sophocles: the Purest Artist.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/art/tragedy-literature/Sophocles-the-purest-artist.

“Theory of Tragedy.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/art/tragedy-literature/Theory-of-tragedy.

“Tragic Hero.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/browse/tragic-hero. 

[itbetraysabadmind]

YES PLEASE SHARE IT!!!!

okay buckle up friends

In Dead Poets Society, poetry was a very central part of the movie. Poetry represented not conforming to society's ideals, and thinking for yourself. This was the central idea of the Dead Poets Society - the boys went out into the woods to free themselves from society’s views on what was right or wrong, and they used poetry as a device to truly express themselves, without caring about what people, such as teachers, their peers, or their parents would think. Our society, and especially society at that time, is extremely heteronormative, and by removing themselves from a world that pushes heterosexuality and cisgenderism, they created a safe space for them to experiment and explore, and find out who they really are. I also found it very interesting how poetry had a very different effect on each of the main characters in the movie, and how poetry could be used as a metaphor for being gay.

Firstly, I’d like to discuss Neil Perry. Through reading poetry, Neil decides that he needs to seize the day, and he auditions for play. Here, he finds his passion for acting, and realizes that he doesn’t want to be a doctor. He tells this to Keating, his English teacher, and what Keating then replies really struck me - “Then you’re acting for him too. You’re playing the part of the dutiful son.” Most queer people grow up playing a version of themselves that is accepted in society and they hide the part of themselves that is queer to please parents or friends. 

Throughout this response I mention that many of the characters use femininity as a rejection of heterosexuality. I do not mean to imply that all queer men are feminine, and all feminine men are gay. Because acts such as the Hays code made it impossible for queer people to be represented on screen, many movies used femininity in men to represent being gay. I believe that much like many other pieces of cinema, Dead Poets Society uses this technique to add queer subtext. By looking at Neil through this lens, it makes sense that Neil plays Puck in Midsummer Night’s Dream. Puck is an androgynous, feminine leasing fairy, and through playing Puck, Neil is able to embrace the side of himself that isn’t what was considered ‘manly’ at the time. In addition, after the play, Neil’s father tells him that Neil will be sent to military school, a place where all of Neil’s femininity and homosexual tendencies will be squashed. In response to this, Neil shouts “I have to tell you what I feel!” Neil’s father already knows that Neil loves acting, so what more is there to say? This line shows that there is something deeper than Neil’s acting at play, and when Neil’s father shuts him down, it ends the scene with a feeling of something left unsaid. Finally, Neil’s suicide also ties in shows that there is something else going on. Simply not being allowed to act leaves a lack of reasoning for his death, but when you add in the fact he will have to pretend to be someone he’s not, and he won’t have the chance to love someone, truly, his suicide makes more sense.

Secondly, I thought that the effect of poetry on Todd Anderson was particularly fascinating. Todd starts this movie as a shy, anxious kid, constantly in his brother’s shadow. However, by the end of the movie, Todd gains confidence in himself with the help of poetry. Much like Neil, Todd also plays the role of the dutiful son, and he gets a lawyer desk every year for his birthday. This scene shows a deep disconnect between Todd and his parents, and it shows that his parents really don’t know him at all, a feeling that many queer people can relate to. But when Todd throws the desk set off the bridge, he is rejecting the heterosexuality that his parents are forcing upon him. Also, in the scene where all of the boys are changing in the locker room, Todd is the only one fully dressed, and he is staring down at the floor, visibly uncomfortable. This is a position that many queer people have been in before. Also, when Todd improvises a poem in front of the class, he uses the phrase “being chased by Walt Whitman” repeatedly. Although people debate the sexuality of Whitman, he is generally presumed to be gay or bi. This phrase that Todd uses shows that he is trying to run away from his gay feelings, or push them down. In addition, after the play, he is the last one to be told about Neil’s death. This is because Dalton knows that Todd will be the one affected by his death the most, suggesting that Todd and Neil’s relationship is on a different level than Neil’s relationship with the other members of the Dead Poets Society. Even though Todd only knew Neil for about three months, he is the one that is most torn up about it, which suggests that they have a deeper relationship than the one that is explicitly shown on screen.

Lastly, I’d like to talk about Charlie Dalton’s relationship with poetry. Much like Todd and Neil, he performs for an audience. In contrast to, though, Dalton’s audience is not his parents. It’s his peers. Dalton uses comedy and flamboyant gestures to hide his true feelings, but through poetry he is able to express who he really is, underneath the fake smiles. Much like Neil, he uses femininity to rebel and reject the heterosexual, banker life his parents have planed for him. He names himself  Nuwanda, and paints a lightning on his chest in lipstick, an image reminiscent of David Bowie, an openly bisexual singer. By reading poetry, Dalton was able to embrace the feminine side of himself, and become more honest with the people he loves.

Overall, poetry is used to represent being your true self, and it is a central aspect of the movie. Whether or not anyone working on the movie intended or wanted any of the characters to be something other than straight, it’s worth looking into the queer subtext of this movie and viewing it with a new perspective.

There’s probably essays that explain this more eloquently, but I’m kinda proud of this one.

[escxpedes]

loopholes (cont.)

I literally can’t even begin to tell you how much everyone’s support meant to me on the last chapter. All your comments and tags were so sweet, it was seriously the highlight of my day. I’m sorry for the delay, I meant to get this out a couple of days ago, but I’ve come down with a bad cold. This part, while fun, was so hard to get right. Angus Macgyver is a genius, his mind goes a mile a minute, and I wanted to do my best to replicate that. This part is a little slow in getting to the Macriley stuff, but I wanted to show how much he really thinks about things. He’s such a complex character, that if I didn’t do him justice, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Also, there’s dialogue in this one! Sadly, Jack isn’t mentioned in this chapter, but he’s there in spirit. Clearly, we all love and miss him. I hope you guys enjoy, the last part will be out soon! x

~

loop·hole

noun | A loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in a system, such as a law or security, which can be used to circumvent or otherwise avoid the purpose, implied or explicitly stated, of the system

~

Riley finally moves into her new apartment, but struggles to adjust after the events of Codex and the realization of her feelings for Mac. When Mac finds her passed out over her keyboard after a late night of coding at Phoenix, he decides a talk is long overdue. Just some slightly angsty soft!macriley to help you cope with this season 5 hiatus.

~

of lips that i am yet to kiss (and eyes not met my own.)

It's highly unlikely that you'll find Mac walking down the halls of the Phoenix Foundation so late at night. Without the bustling energy of his coworkers fetching important documents or discussing the best way to break down one of the many mysteries the foundation deals with, the darkened hallways and quiet atmosphere can be unnerving.

Sure, he spends nearly every waking hour employed there, but he'd rather be outside the office in different countries, doing hands-on work and saving lives. When you work in his profession, It can be difficult to separate business and pleasure, but that only makes it more important—if only to conserve what mental health he has left. 

However, in the haste of putting together last-minute preparations for yet another meeting with the Department of Justice and trying to make it back to his house in time for something Desi whipped up, he managed to forget his cellphone.

It's funny, mainly because of how little the small device truly matters to Mac.

It only goes to show how insignificant material objects, or even human beings in general, are. The idea that something so meaningless can affect someone's life so much when, if they just looked past that obsession and considered its part in the profound scope of the universe, another perspective would take shape.

It's fascinating stuff, really.

There's a concept essential to understanding Japanese aesthetics, otherwise known as an ancient set of ideals important to Japanese society, called Yūgen. When applied in the right context, Yūgen underlines this deep awareness of the universe and the experiences we have within it. It's often the feeling interpreted when you gaze at the stars late at night or watch the sunset dip behind a hill.

Mac wouldn't think twice before breaking his phone, or rather, breaking the phone of his nearest friend, open for an obscure part that might make one of his many homemade devices come together. However, when he's the only person able to communicate the scientific specifications of an unheard-of-until-recently base plan for saving the planet, he's practically on call 24/7.

He remembers having it in the labs earlier that day when he stopped by before his meeting to remind Bozer to come by his house on Friday for the team's new weekly attempt in group-bonding.

After the betrayals that surfaced during the climax of taking down Codex, the team collectively decided to spend more time as a group in hopes of eliminating any lingering doubts. 

They used to hang out all the time before the government dismantled the Phoenix Foundation.

Mac still can't believe that, after everything they had been through, he allowed his friendships to dissipate over the year they had been separate.

Bozer is his childhood best friend, and Riley had become a solid foundation in his life. He didn't have anyone outside his team at Phoenix, and while he deeply cared for Desi, their first relationship was proof that too much time—and too little communication—with each other can do severe damage to one's sanity.

If Russ hadn't brought them back together, would they have tried to reconnect at some point?

Mac wants to say they would have but wouldn't blame them if they didn't; they all lost something they cared about, and each served as a constant reminder of it.

It would've been hard, but part of him feels like living without them is a lot harder.

When he manages to access the lab, flipping his shiny new I.D. card over his fingers and into its place in his wallet, his eyes scan the room. It's empty, which isn't unusual at this time, but years of military training have rewired his brain to notify him of threats, even if there aren't any.

Just like he thought it would be, the device sits untouched a few tables behind Bozer's workspace where Mac had been sitting.

Quickly, because he left the house in a hurry and forgot to leave a note, he scoops up his phone and makes his way towards the exit. There's a couple of missed calls, but it doesn't seem like he missed anything too important.

Not that they would let him. 

At any rate, they would probably show up on his doorstep if they couldn't get a hold of him. With days off so few and far between, that's the kind of interaction he's hoping to avoid. Hence, why he came to pick up his phone when he realized it was missing instead of waiting until the next day.

He's nearly made it to the end of the hall when a light flashes in his peripheral vision, coming from the I.T. department.

His body is tense with apprehension; his mind races with several different kinds of possibilities and outcomes. He slows his pace, his movements fluid, silent, and controlled from years of stealth practice.

The light is soft, he notices, as if only one or two monitors are in use.

When he gets to the doorway and nudges open the door, hands at the ready, his entire body sags in relief to see the dark wavy hair he's come to associate with one of his closest friends.

"Riles?"

The nickname falls from his mouth before he can stop it, and even though the light from the monitor creates a halo above her head, shadowing her features, it's unmistakably her.

She doesn't move. 

It becomes abundantly clear why as Mac moves towards her and notices the monitor's screen filling up with a sequence of letters that look nothing like coding despite his lack of knowledge in programming languages.

Her elbow balances precariously on the edge of the table, her arms creating a makeshift pillow for her head. The weight of her forearm bears down on the keyboard, causing the side of her hand to press down multiple keys at once.

He shakes his head a little, amused by the situation unfolding. 

Her cheek rests comfortably on her hand, a serene expression masking the signs of exhaustion that showed on her face.

Mac's lips curved into a soft smile, seeing Riley in any state that wasn't cloaked in layers of worry or anxious determination always washed away any doubts he might have about working in such a stressful field.

The scars that covered his body, the secrets he has to keep, and the pain he has to endure are so unbelievably worth it as long as she out of harm's way and able to sleep peacefully.

Of course, he couldn't imagine anyone else by his side on a mission, knowing they share the same love and passion for kicking ass and saving lives.

However, he also knows that more lies underneath the surface.

He wouldn't wish the hardships of this job on anyone. Seeing it affect someone he cares about, watching it break them down slowly pulls at his heartstrings and fills him with a knowing sadness. 

When a piece of hair falls into her face, his fingers don't hesitate to gently brush it behind her ear, lightly tracing her cheekbone and caressing her cheek.

Kneeling, his hand drops to her shoulder in an attempt to gently wake her.

After a couple of shakes, the expressive brown eyes he's come to look forward to seeing begin to flutter open and nearly render him speechless.

She blinks a couple of times, inhaling slowly, "Macgyver."

Her voice is full of sleep and breaks from misuse, but the way she says his name—like there's nobody else she'd expect to see when she wakes up —has him grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

Rising from her position on the table, she scans the room before meeting his eyes and scoffing, "It's hardly the morning."

He laughs softly, holding back the urge to mention that technically it is morning considering its past twelve. Instead, he focuses on the matter at hand, or more likely, the question at hand.

"What are you doing here so late?"

She's more alert now, sitting back in her chair and lifting her arms to stretch out the muscles that stiffened while she slept, glancing at her work on the monitor.

Her face drops into a grimace when she notices her mistake, "Matty and I were talking about updating the foundation's firewall and spyware," she yawns, "I must have been more tired than I realized."

Mac's eyebrows scrunch in thought, remembering something Bozer said earlier about Riley spending quite a few nights this week working late.

Between going over his mother's scientific data, trying to patch up whatever relationship he had left with Desi, and making sure he didn't go off the rails with grief, his effort to check in on everyone decreased significantly.

"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately," his hand returned to her shoulder to emphasize his point, "Everything okay?"

She waves him off, "There's too much work that needs to be done around here before we can get things running the way they used to."

Riley doesn't lie to him—if you overlook the whole situation with her ex, Aubrey, that is, but the movements she's making indicate otherwise.

Her eyes refuse to meet his, flickering down and to the right. When she talks, her head shakes lightly, and she purses her lips in an attempt to give off a careless impression. Maybe someone who doesn't know her or didn't train to pick up on it would believe her, but he knew better.

She was definitely hiding something from him.

Part of him understands that if she wanted to talk about it, she would. However, his instincts urge him to press harder, locate the problem, and bring back her contagious smile that always seems to fill him with warmth.

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, you can't patch some things together by sheer will and sellotape, so instead, he stands up and drops his hand from her shoulder.

"Let's get you home."

[angeog2260]

Reflection on Applied Human Geography (GEOG*2260)

Throughout Applied Human Geography, GEOG*2260, I not only learned about the research process as a whole, but I also gained skills I will continue to use in my future. Below, I will express my thoughts regarding my knowledge and topics I found confusing on human geographical research.

These three things I know for certain about human geography research:

Deconstruction of media events and textual material is something I know for certain as I used this approach for the DSP. Textual information and analyses are predicated on a constructionist epistemology, meaning that the world is socially constructed and mediated (Hay, 2016, chapter 1). While the media is often a common source of the portrayal of information, it was interesting to apply my skills to analyze research articles and ensure that I am limiting common problems in human geographic research.

Another thing that I know for certain (and one of my favourite things to learn about), was Peggy McIntosh’s concept of invisible backpacks. Initially, she began using this term to explore women's studies and how women and underrepresented races were in experience of oppression, denial and/or disadvantage (Hooykaas, 2021). I find this to be very interesting because it can not only be applied in this class but in other social aspects of life. For example, while we live through unprecedented times with the ongoing pandemic, we all need to realize that others are impacted differently and have different underlying circumstances.

The final thing that I know for certain is the idea of focus groups in a study. A focus group method involves a small group of people to discuss a topic or issue defined by a researcher (Hay, 2016, chapter 10). Focus groups allow individuals to speak their truth on a matter more specifically while also allowing a semi-structured interview style. This creates a more accepting environment, enabling the participants to feel more at ease and more thoughtfully answered questions (Hooykaas, 2021).

These three things I am still confused by:

Although I do have a strong understanding of the research process and everything that is incorporated and associated with that, there are still some topics that confuse me. I often find myself questioning how to start a research process, more specifically, what approach to take. I find that often there is overlap between the best approach to take, and I believe with a bit more practice (as I am still a `rookie’ researcher), I would be able to confine to the best approach to take.

I also got confused with the flat coding type, versus a hierarchical coding type. I understand the basis of it, but reviewing back to the blog post about coding, I had a debate with myself of which one is more practical to use and how to apply this to a scenario. After reading up and allowing myself to understand and engage in the coding frames, I was able to determine what is best for that scenario, but I still often get confused with the difference between them.

The third thing that I get confused with is ensuring that I am evaluating reliable sources for my studies. The media is often so easy to get swayed one way, and although it may seem reliable, it has the possibility of being biased or misrepresentative of the topic. With the help of this class, I have been more adamant about checking the source of the article and their credentials. The process in qualitative research requires that writers explicitly state the criteria by which a reader can assess the trustworthiness of a given piece of research (Hay, 2016, chapter 19).

These three things I know for certain about me as a human geographic researcher:

I am confident in some of my skills as a human geographic researcher, one of them being understanding how power can influence a study. Power relations exist beyond the relationship of the researcher and the participant (Hay, 2016, chapter 2). It is crucial to consider these aspects of direct and indirect power in a study as this can alter the final outcome of the study, and perhaps enhance potential biases as well.

I also understand the concept of reflexivity and how to apply it to human geographic research. Reflexivity is a process of constant, self-conscious scrutiny of the self as a researcher and of the research process (Hay, 2016, chapter 2). In ‘easier to understand’ terms, it is simply analyzing the situation as if it were something you were studying (Hay, 2016, chapter 2). This is important to consider and break down the social relations that are being enacted and how those relations can influence the data.

Another thing that I know for certain about myself as a human geographic researcher, is that if I were to do research in the future, I would lean more to quantitative data rather than qualitative data. Although I do enjoy hearing other people’s stories and gaining insights on topics that are crucial nowadays, I enjoy the quantitative aspect more.

These three areas I need to spend time developing/learning in order to feel more confident in my skills:

I need to spend some time developing and applying my knowledge in the field to real-life scenarios. Understanding the course content from a literal context differs from the application to case studies and other geographical problems in human research.

Another issue that I need to spend some time working on is coding. Coding allows the researcher to confine their studies. The purposes of coding are for data reduction, organization and a substantive press of data exploration (Hay, 2016, chapter 18). I think with more assistance on how specifically to code, and understanding what data is relevant to the study versus what is not would assist my confidence.

I understand the research process as a whole, but there are aspects in the process that if I worked on, I would feel more confident. One of my biggest worries as a researcher would be the process of writing up analyzed data and confining it to ensure that there are no biases. I would look to use a latent content analysis, which is searching the document for themes (Hay, 2016, chapter 8). This would be an asset because I could find the common themes that arise, then code them based on that matter.

Resources:

Hay, I. (2016). Qualitative Research Methods in Human Geography. Toronto. Oxford University Press.

Hooykaas, A. (2021). Applied Human Geography (GEOG*2260) Lecture Notes. University of Guelph.

[oneunexpected]

On Home

Home is an interesting theme to me, as where most of TUC Week’s themes are motifs we see over and over and over again, there isn’t really such a strong focus on “home” as a motif. Despite this, it’s one of the most important concepts in the series.

For the first two books, Gregor’s sole motivation is getting home to New York with his family in one piece. In the first book, while Gregor is impressed by Regalia, he wants nothing more to get out of it, and throughout his journey, he repeatedly refers to the Underland and its inhabitants in rather unfavorable terms. It is clear his sole reason for going on the quest is to bring his father home with him. The last line of the first book serves as evidence to such; Gregor thinks of what his mom needs to hear most, and says, “Hey, Mom. We’re home.” Collins quite literally gets the last word in in a manner that highlights the significance of their homecoming. In the second and third book, his motivation is much the same: he has to see the quests through in order to make sure his family members are safe and they can peacefully return home. Throughout, his bonds with the Underlanders are strengthened and he grows much more appreciative of his surroundings, but still, he wants nothing more than to be back in New York City.

But then, starting late in the third book, something interesting happens: Gregor begins to use the word “home” when he means “Regalia.”

The first time this occurs is when Gregor is in the field of starshade, when he devises a plan on how to transport the plants “for the trip home.” This is not to suggest Gregor at the time thought of Regalia as a second home––indeed, only a few pages later, he expresses desire to move to Virginia––but instead an indication that Gregor regarded Regalia as more important to him than anywhere else in the Underland: the place he’s most familiar with, the place he feels the safest.

Something similar occurs early in the fourth book, right after Hermes delivers Luxa’s crown in the arena. Gregor thinks back to when Luxa left it with the nibblers and recalls that “they had been in the jungle, preparing to return home,” the “they” in question being Gregor, Aurora, Nike, Hazard, and Boots. The context is different in this instance than in Curse of the Warmbloods, however; at this point in Gregor’s narrative, Regalia has become a getaway from his stresses on the surface, a place for him to unwind and be with his mom, and he speaks highly of his time spent there that summer.

“Home” becomes a point of contention between Luxa and Gregor, from when Luxa orders him to go home after they find Cevian’s body (in one of, perhaps, the most petty arguments I’ve ever read, but I digress) to when Gregor explodes in a fit of anger, culminating with him yelling, “What’s it matter? I don’t live here. I’m just visiting… and when we get back to Regalia, I’ll be sent home and we can forget we ever knew each other!”

While the narrative focuses on the nibblers and their lack of a home, their inability to find a place they would not be cast out of, Collins begins to set up the sense of displacement Gregor feels throughout the fifth book. A turning point in the way Gregor views his home in New York versus the Underland comes about halfway through the novel when he explains to his friends that the next time he returns to New York, he will not come back. Gregor’s narrative makes it clear he is upset with the proposition (“It didn’t seem quite real that by tomorrow he might not see the Underlanders again”), and Collins drives this point home when he is riding with Luxa, where he finds himself “not wanting to think about… going home,” and “the idea [of returning to New York”] didn’t make him feel happy.” In this instance, “home” goes beyond its traditional role as an antithesis to his role as the warrior in the Underland. In this new light, his life in New York is also antithetical to his relationship with those he loves below the surface.

It’s not the first time he’s felt dread at the thought of leaving––he feels the same way when he thinks he has to go home without Boots, and then again after Boots is found alive, thinking instead of Luxa, Aurora, Temp and Twitchtip still missing, and he feels a great responsibility to be in the Underland when Ares gets the plague and his mother won’t let him return––but this is the first time we see him feel this way when there’s nothing on the line. Still, Gregor certainly does not feel Regalia has replaced New York by any means. “The Underland was not his home,” he thinks, even as he uneasily explains to his friends he’ll likely never see them again. And yet, the line has begun to blur.

In Code of Claw, the concept of home becomes even more complex and important. In the first few pages, as he reads the prophecy, Gregor recalls Luxa saying “I would not hold it against you if you went home” and decides he would never be able to forgive himself if he took that option (nor would he be able to forgive Luxa, if their roles were reversed). A few chapters later, it’s the thought of home that forces him to confront his mortality in the museum, the impossibility of his return, which in turn makes one of his highest priorities finding a way to get the rest of his family back. While he has resolved to the idea that he will never return to the surface, he wants nothing more than his mother and sisters to do so. That in itself influences a lot of his decisions, specifically in the way he navigates his relationship with Solovet.

In the brief time Gregor is outside of Regalia, the word “home” becomes synonymous with “Regalia” once more in several instances. However, this time, he’s speaking for way less people than a full party of Underlanders, and for the first time, he explicitly refers to it as such in dialogue. While he’s flying home with a gravely ill Luxa, he tells her they’re “almost home.” But as soon as Gregor is back in Regalia, any mention of home is once more in reference to New York City.

After the Bane is defeated, and returning home to the surface is an option, Gregor stops longing for it. Indeed, when Luxa asks if Gregor will be glad to be home, Gregor replies, “No. I can’t even imagine being back.” Gregor believes his life would be too difficult to navigate in the Overland, but also believes no one in the Underland would want him around in peacetime, especially after his outburst in the arena. The events of Marks of Secret and Code of Claw have left him emotionally homeless.

One of the last times the word “home” is mentioned is while Gregor is walking to the Cloisters. It’s a beautiful day out, but he can think only of the Underland, and he wonders if he would prefer to live there instead. He cannot come to a conclusion, only the realization that he “felt like a stranger in what used to be his home.” The last time the word “home” is mentioned in the series is when Gregor is watching the news and hears a report on refugees being driven from their homes, a reflection of both the nibblers’ plight and his own. The series ends two pages later on a more optimistic note, with Gregor reflecting on the possibility of change, peace, and reconciliation and being grateful for having his family around him, but one thing is left clear: Gregor has lost sight of what it means to be home.

TL;DR: Gregor doesn’t really know where he belongs by the series’ end and he has no easy path of figuring that out. Writing this made me very sad. Give this boy a happy ending.

[cybersecopossum]

Parler: Less Free Speech, More Analytics

The free speech social media platform that disallows dissenting opinions and promises to farm your data

In the summer of 2020, Youtubers started bring up the social media platform Parler as a new alternative to Twitter and Facebook, after many of the same creaters also promoted Minds, Gab.io, and Candid (the platform that was allegedly a front to run analytics on users that were likely to be troubling). The appeal: free speech. Free to say anything you want and defend your ideas.

Truth be told, I've been to these sites, and I've been disappointed by every one of them. I support free speech, but I have no patience for a platform with the majority of their users are explicitly trolls or seemingly crazy people. These platforms have a habit of rapidly devlolving into holocost and world order conspiracy theories. It's a fine thing to offer everyone to say their piece, but I think apealling to the people that normally can't stay civil on major platforms is a recipe for disaster. Parler, however, has moderation, which seems a bit counter intuitive to free-speech, but it offers a clean image for new members. It's going into it a bit further that reveals that there's a lot more going on than a bunch of conservatives and Trumpettes getting a platform to say their tagline of the week.

My Views on the Relationship between Privacy and Free Speech

This is important, as I am often seen as trying to get away with saying my own crazy spew and not answering for it. That is not my intention. Today the public forum is used by special interest groups for unethical studies on users and as targeting platforms for retaliation. All I want is to seperate speech from identity and livelihood. The express purpose for doing so is to allow people to know what is being said and argue with the ideas while avoiding violence and the distraction of ad hominem. I do not support the use of social media bots at all, and I appreciate removing harassing content, spam, and obvious trolling from a forum. I do not appreciate removing one's sincere opinion while of sound mind or tracking them across platforms and this does a disservice to everyone to either have things hidden from them about a person and their beliefs or reading too far into their behavior and even predicting their real-life behaviors which puts many individuals at risk of violence.

Their Problems with Privacy

When you sign up for Parler, just like Twitter, you have to provide a phone number. This phone number is attached to your account, and by extension, your activity. While this is a way to ensure that people are not easily making replacement, spam, or bot accounts, it's also a bit of you that they get to market. You likely use your cell phone for other social media, it's used for a lot services like shopping rewards programs as well.

Who's interested in your phone number and why? Well, we can take a look at Parler's own Privacy Policy. For them they want to market things to you, identify you along with more personal details if you want to be a part of their influencer network, and to sell as part of their company to whomever that may be. They also allow for 3rd party analytics just like Facebook allowed Cambridge Analytica to view users on their platform.

Now, depending on how you connect to the platform, either by their webpage or their app, you can expect more information to be taken about your device. If you're using their app, their Privacy Policy specifically states that they will collect your contacts if you permit them. It's already required when you install the app, so by installing it, you already permitted them. More on the app store, on Android, they request to read, modify, and delete the contents of your SD card and take pictures and video from your camera. While these can be used implemented selectively in the code for uploading videos and pictures to your post, it's concerning given their other behaviors, such as requesting other applications that you have installed.

Regardless of whether you're using the web or app, you can expect that 3rd party cookies like those from Google, Amazon, and Facebook will be used to track you while you use the website. This along with information about what posts you view, searches you make on the site, times that you're online and active, and the people you follow make a nice package for people interested in your data, such as Google and Facebook, meaning the same exact companies may still be able to track you and affect your experience browsing online through ad services.

Overall this Privacy Policy leaves a lot to the imagination but still emphasizes enough that they will collect data on you to monetize it as an asset and with 3rd party research and advertising analytics. It is the same problems as Google, Facebook, and Twitter, but now with a neat controlled group of a mostly conservative user base. This, in the wrong hands, might be an interesting petri dish for highly-targeted political research.

Just My Privacy? Is that so bad?

Their ToS is a garbage fire, and I highly encourage everyone to read it just for the audacity of what it says outright, and what it carefully leaves out.

The Censorship-Free Twitter Alternative: Now with Censorship!

Probably the goofies thing to come out of Parler is all of the stories of people's accounts getting deleted for sharing their opinions. To add to this, I was having trouble getting my account removed (more on that later, so I opted instead to use the trending hashtags and tag a few popular users in a post where I stated that the website had all of the hallmarks of being shady. I waited over two days to have my account deleted the normal way, but within ten minutes of posting that Parley, I was banned. Amazing. But don't take our words for it, they explicitly tell you that if they don't like you, they'll ban you in section 9 of their ToS!

Coming soon: Worthless Microtransactions!

Section 6 of their ToS describe their virtual items. Interestingly, they outright deny you the right to trade or sell any of the items on the site without their permission. This is interesting not only because they are explictly enforcing the worthlessness of their virtual items, but this also precludes anyone from exchanging their account, and thus all the associated virtual items for money, goods, or services. This means if you grew an engaging account on the platform and a company is interested in buying access to it, you have to ask Parler's permission, and then they may only allow it contingent upon you giving more personal information such as, in their own example of them buying items back from you, your social security number.

Old Issues: The Deleted Sections

Very recently, the ToS have been changed. As you can see in this reddit post from the time of Parler's launch, any user of their platform was legally bound to be ready to defend and idemnify Parler in court for actions you take on the platform, and you are already bound to pay their fees in court if you are defending yourself against them or anyone responsible for Parler. You also were not allowed to sue them or be a beneficiary of a class-action lawsuit against them.

Final Thoughts

Parler is yet another alternative social media site which is has attracted the worst users from other sites right away. This makes the platform less attractive to "normal" users. Interestingly, their banning practices seem to indicate that they only want the conservative, but not too edgy crowd, the kind that is of really big importance socially and politically right now; the middle of the road, fly-over state blue collar family type that got excited about Trump because of the chants and rallies without really understaning the greater policies.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and outright describe Parler's intentions like I know them, because I don't. But I know that if I wanted to do market and polling research on the group of people in Europe and America that fit this general trend of hyper politics, I would curate similarly to Parler, protect myself from litigation from the users, collect as much information as I could on them and share that information with other websites to get a holistic picture of the users. I would make their usage of the platform unempowering and worthless to see what they were willing to do for minimal incentive. I would attract A and B-list figures within the different movements thant have supported the shift in politics and have them promote it for me, as well as get the alternative media sites to do gushing admiration articles on it over and over while more generally well regarded sites scoff and criticize it to get this particular subset of users into this one place where I can observe them.

Bottom line: this website's policies and behaviors are antithetical to free speech. You cannot advocate for free speech and be so anti-privacy in my view. You cannot claim to be a legitimate alternative to other sites when you are curating an environment for a specific group. You cannot be against censorship and then censor users for the most mundane posts that go against your image. This website is DOA, worst than the ones that came before it, because where as the others had hope of being normal that just ran out, this place squashes it right away. Parler is an exclusive right-wing platform and my personal opinion is that it is also a petri dish for analytics for this political persuasion

[alixofagnia]

OpheThorn II: A Slightly Less Rambling Analysis

The Missing of Clairdelune is a superb second installment in The Mirror Visitor quartet. We get more of what we loved about the first book, more pieces to the larger existential puzzle, yet it smartly stops short of resolving too much so that we stay invested for the third episode. Christelle Dabos allows herself slightly more exposition. But the novel really succeeds by continuing to follow the less-is-more mantra and the showing vs. telling style.

As you may or may not recall, after I finished A Winter’s Promise, I spent an embarrassing amount of time copy/pasting excerpts from this book into Google Translate with the result that I really did spoil a lot of the OpheThorn parts for myself—which I don’t exactly regret. But, essentially, it left me with a bit less to say. I had a good response to my first OpheThorn analysis (it’s here and thank you for all the kind words), so I did think that I’d like to put something out about Clairdelune as well, I just wasn’t sure what. After some consideration (and a re-read), I do have some more thoughts about OpheThorn.

So, here we go.

[Spoilers included this time]

[All fanart images credited to @patricialyfoung]

Intro

Since Clairdelune begins right where Promise concluded, Ophelia is still pissed at Thorn, while Thorn is still pining for Ophelia albeit in his uniquely aloof way. The only real thing that’s made me scratch my head with them is the severity of Ophelia’s anger/resentment over Thorn having withheld his true ambitions from her and her finding out about them from someone else. I just think it’s a little bit of a weak conflict for them given how pragmatic they are. I get that it’s the culmination of a frustrating situation. But I still think it’s weak.

So, once again the two begin on shaky ground, a space they occupy for the bulk of the novel. They are, at least, together a bit more than before and there’s all sorts of lovely tension, mostly caused by Thorn’s inelegant method of wooing compounded by Ophelia’s stubborn refusal to give him an inch. Thorn’s growing feelings for Ophelia were subtly hinted at in Promise and they become more apparent here, particularly when juxtaposed against Ophelia’s stubborn denial of hers for him.

And I just adore the cover art! Don’t you?

Thorn and Autism Spectrum Disorder

This is what I want to discuss. I may be alone in this, but it seems like Thorn could be coded as having autism spectrum disorder (ASD). It occurred to me while I was reading Promise and this time around, I feel comfortable in taking that perspective on Thorn. I like the notion of applying an ASD reading to his character because it explains a few descriptive quirks and makes him more than a “weirdo” or “freak”, which is reductive labeling. When considering his interactions with other characters and their reactions to him, this reading lends an added layer to his actions and overall development.

But let me make something clear.

This book isn’t about ASD, so I’m not suggesting that Dabos intended to write Thorn as having ASD or is trying to make a statement in any way on the disorder, and I’m cautious about how I use this idea to understand the character. This is purely my own speculation/take on the character.

I also want to be clear that I don’t have any personal experience with the disorder. I’ve met people with autism and ASD and they were all very different from each other and had very different needs. So, I’m largely making connections with textbook examples of ASD and they’re maybe a little bit broad because as I said it isn’t explicitly made clear that Thorn has ASD. I may very likely err in my understanding of this disorder. If that’s the case, I apologize in advance and please do correct me or give me your own opinion on this idea.

Here’s an overview from the webpage of the national institute of mental health:

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that affects communication and behavior. Although autism can be diagnosed at any age, it is said to be a “developmental disorder” because symptoms generally appear in the first two years of life. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a guide created by the American Psychiatric Association used to diagnose mental disorders, people with ASD have:

Difficulty with communication and interaction with other people

Restricted interests and repetitive behaviors

Symptoms that hurt the person’s ability to function properly in school, work, and other areas of life

Autism is known as a “spectrum” disorder because there is wide variation in the type and severity of symptoms people experience. Although ASD can be a lifelong disorder, treatments and services can improve a person’s symptoms and ability to function.

It’s been shown repeatedly that it’s very difficult for Thorn to be an inviting and easy-going person, even with people he cares about. Thorn struggles with  communication, is emotionally suppressed, is both uncaring and at times completely unaware of how he presents himself socially, and obsessively consults his pocket watch, particularly when he’s at a loss for words or bored, or otherwise ready to get the hell out of any situation that causes him anxiety. He’s highly intelligent, fixated on order and organization, and has a history (as we know from Promise and learn more about in Clairdelune) of meeting intense emotion with impulsive violence.

Here’s a list (also from the NIMH website) of common symptoms:

Making little or inconsistent eye contact

Tending not to look at or listen to people

Rarely sharing enjoyment of objects or activities by pointing or showing things to others

Failing to, or being slow to, respond to someone calling their name or to other verbal attempts to gain attention

Having difficulties with the back and forth of conversation

Often talking at length about a favorite subject without noticing that others are not interested or without giving others a chance to respond

Having facial expressions, movements, and gestures that do not match what is being said

Having an unusual tone of voice that may sound sing-song or flat and robot-like

Having trouble understanding another person’s point of view or being unable to predict or understand other people’s actions

Repeating certain behaviors or having unusual behaviors. For example, repeating words or phrases, a behavior called echolalia

Having a lasting intense interest in certain topics, such as numbers, details, or facts

Having overly focused interests, such as with moving objects or parts of objects

Getting upset by slight changes in a routine

Being more or less sensitive than other people to sensory input, such as light, noise, clothing, or temperature

People with ASD may also experience sleep problems and irritability. Although people with ASD experience many challenges, they may also have many strengths including:

Being able to learn things in detail and remember information for long periods of time

Being strong visual and auditory learners

Excelling in math, science, music, or art

One can’t help but notice that we can check several of these points off for Thorn. Not all, certainly, but I’m sure you can call to mind some of your own examples of him exhibiting many of these behaviors repeatedly.

Where Does Ophelia Fit In?

Thorn has always treated his relationship with Ophelia in a very business-like manner, almost like a negotiation, which makes sense within the context of an arranged marriage. At the novel’s start, Thorn wishes to make amends, but Ophelia makes it very clear that she will not forgive him for his lies and neglect. His response to her is rather clinical.

“We simply can’t allow ourselves to be enemies,” cut in Thorn. “You’re making my life difficult with your resentment; it’s imperative that we become reconciled. […] Meet me at the Treasury, insult me, slap me, smash a plate over my head if you feel like it, and then let’s never speak of it again. Name your day. This Thursday would suit me.” [65]

I suppose this is a rather annoying response, especially if one is really just looking for a simple and genuine apology. But if we read Thorn as having ASD, then this feels a little different. He’s simplifying a conflict that he maybe doesn’t quite understand; he’s been given a different perspective on his actions and it’s perhaps beyond his capability to comprehend. To compensate, he turns this into a matter of business, which is something he can understand quite well, even going so far as to try and pencil Ophelia into his calendar. But he’s woefully unaware of the frustrating effect his language and tone have on her. Of course, what’s key here is what he isn’t saying: that she’s making his life difficult because he loves her; he wants to be on good terms, but doesn’t know how to fix this. Note that he again suggests violence as a means to deal with her emotion.

When they do meet up, Thorn says, 

“I have many enemies. I no longer want to count you among them, so tell me what I must do. That is why you came here, isn’t it? You have a deal to offer me, I’m listening to you.” [152]

He’s desperate. It’s also worth noting that he’s fairly vulnerable in this chapter; he exhibits jealousy and some hurt—Ophelia missed their original appointment because she was with Archibald and forgot about him. 

Modest as always, Ophelia asks only for a job, money to pay Fox, her new assistant, and to see the real outdoors again. She lastly requests that he always be honest with her, especially in matters that directly concern her. In exchange, she will teach him how to Read objects after the ceremony of the Gift and he will teach her how to use the claws that he’ll pass to her. She also reiterates, for good measure, that this will be their only conjugal duty. He grants the first three readily enough, but the fourth one trips him up. He does agree to it, but it’s obvious that it will cost him in more ways than one.

While I imagine that he’s receptive on some level to sexual intimacy with Ophelia, I think he’s more afraid of intimacy in general. Sharing things and being honest with a partner means opening oneself up to vulnerability, to weakness. The undertaking he’s set for himself—a mission he’s already devoted 15 years of his life to—doesn’t allow for that kind of intimacy; rather, it requires utmost resiliency, secrecy, and focus. Furthermore, if he were to be seen forming loving attachments (with Berenilde, Ophelia, or anyone else), then that could be turned against him over the course of fulfilling his risky endeavor. It’s that very fear, in fact, which has made him exclude his aunt (and attempt to exclude Ophelia) entirely from his investigation. His pursuit of a noble title and legitimacy is a front, an easy excuse he thought up to satisfy Berenilde’s and the court’s curiosity about why he suddenly wanted to get married and Read Farouk’s Book.

Like Thorn, it scares Ophelia to feel herself falling in love. Perhaps the womanly pride she carries with her makes it difficult for her to open up. After all, love and marriage were never apparently high on her list of things to accomplish either. Ophelia and Thorn are separately dealing with the same conundrum, which is that to love means to fear, and that’s messy. It could get in the way of a life that is humble (Ophelia) and a life that is ambitious (Thorn). Simply put, neither one had accounted for even the possibility of love in their marriage.

Perhaps because Ophelia is a Reader, I think that deep down she likes the enigma and challenge that is Thorn. Yes, he’s frustrating, but she never truly loses interest in him. Indeed, if anything, she becomes increasingly intrigued and is entirely won over when she at last learns all about what he’s doing. Ophelia is very likely the first person to make Thorn both confront and attempt to correct his inadequacy in areas of intimacy. As I touched on in my previous analysis, Ophelia calling Thorn out on his behavior and habits is surely a novelty for him.

“I believe neither in luck nor in destiny,” he declared. “I trust only the science of probabilities. I have studied mathematical statistics, combinatorial analysis, mass function, and random variables, and they have never held any surprises for me. You don’t seem fully to grasp the destabilizing effect that someone like you can have on someone like me.” [377]

Ohhhhkay. 

It turns out, she’s a bit of an enigma and definitely a challenge to him in kind. This is Thorn’s way of trying to tell Ophelia that he loves her. 

Thorn and Ophelia seek control and wield it differently. Thorn can be arrogant and overconfident with it, and he wants to be its sole retainer. Ophelia also wants to retain it but as it pertains to her decisions for herself, and she rebels against it when she feels like that’s being taken away from her. It’s important to them that they are in control of their own actions and destinies. But what neither one of them understands is that those we end up loving is often (or maybe always) outside of our control. Love has no explanation, and doesn’t require one. You can’t predict it. You can’t dictate it. You can’t calculate it or quantify it.

Ophelia seriously turns Thorn’s life, and everything he thought he could predict or control about it, upside down. Initially unwittingly, then actively, she encourages him to develop.

ASD Made Sexy

As inelegant as he is, Thorn does have his own way of being shocking:

“You wanted me to be honest with you. You will thus learn that you are not just a pair of hands for me. And I don’t give a damn whether people find me suspect, as long as I am not so in your eyes. You will return this to me when I have kept all my promises,” he grumbled, holding his watch out to Ophelia without noticing her stunned expression. “And if you still doubt me in the future, just read it.” [156].

You guys, this is kind of romantic, right? He’s so direct and it really flusters Ophelia, who is steadfastly resisting the decidedly non-business-like turn their relationship has taken. Skip to novel’s end, however, and she has totally changed her tune about Thorn. Right before they believe they will be parted forever, Thorn finally gives a straightforward confirmation of his feelings.

“Don’t go falling down any more stairs, avoid sharp objects, and above all, above all, keep away from disreputable people, alright? […] Oh, and by the way, I love you.” [486]

Swoon. 

The fact of the matter is this: despite his unconventional looks and mannerisms, Thorn hits a certain level of sexy. Which begs the question: Can ASD be sexy? Sure, one could say that his sex appeal comes naturally with his role as the male lead, which is directly connected to his chemistry with the female lead. But I think there’s actually an important distinction to be made; it’s not whether ASD itself is sexy, it’s whether a character with ASD is sexy and I think that’s important because you don’t want ASD to be treated as a gimmick in fiction. It matters how that kind of character is presented. 

Thorn’s ASD traits make him eccentric at best and a “freak” at worst, by Ophelia’s own description. Some of Thorn’s less offensive eccentricities are portrayed in an endearing light: his brusqueness with silly persons (i.e. Archibald, Baron Melchior) and their silly behavior; wearing his heavy uniform in a tropical illusion when there’s no evident dress policy for officials; preoccupied with tending to the order of his office over the tending of his wounds; launching a dangerous existential investigation all because of an illegal and unjust disruption in odds and probabilities, an utter crime in Thorn’s eyes.

But it’s also important to look at how other characters view him. Those at the Pole may look down on him, but there is no doubt that he commands a considerable level of their respect. He’s at the center of Citaceleste’s political and economical arenas, and has some judicial power as well. In short, he’s the one that everyone seemingly runs to in a crisis. Ophelia begrudgingly admires his self-control, coolness under pressure, and appreciates that he is not corrupt, like the other officials and aristocrats. Naturally, Berenilde regards him the highest. She, more than any other, gives us a glimpse of the true Thorn, putting forward the image of a protector, provider, and all-around genius.

So, the answer is yes. Thorn is sexy.

Ophelia and Asexuality

OK, I realize I’m going off on a tangent here, but since asexuality is a common reading of Ophelia that I see in reviews, I wanted to address that as well. 

There are many instances of Ophelia fulfilling, for lack of a better way to put it, the butterfly trope:

Perhaps it was due to the nervousness Thorn brought out in her, or the lace veil obscuring her vision, or the scarf coiled around her foot, or her pathological clumsiness, but the fact is, Ophelia tripped on the final step of the stairs. [28]

Hearing Thorn reawakened such nervousness in Ophelia that she seriously considered hanging up on him. [63]

She did, however, have to admit that Berenilde had got it right: it was indeed out of cowardice, more even than anger, that she’d spent recent weeks avoiding him. [100]

Somewhat embarrassed, Ophelia wondered whether he felt as nervous in her company as she felt in his. [160]

Ophelia felt her blood throbbing against her eardrums, but couldn’t have said whether it was due to sudden relief or, on the contrary, heightened tension. [323]

Ophelia gets butterflies whenever her love interest is near. It’s important to note that she’s not afraid for her safety when she’s with him, although there is one incident, where she thinks he’s going to strike her, which is quickly dispelled by his sincere assurance that he’d never harm her. He gives her butterflies often by doing totally mundane things such as standing in front of her or looking at her, and that bothers her. But why? 

Like Thorn, she’s convinced herself that intimacy and love aren’t for her. Some reviewers have praised Ophelia for being a representation of asexuality and, while I think there’s a strong case for her being somewhere on the asexual spectrum, I stop short at positing that she’s totally uninterested in sex or doesn’t experience sexual attraction. She’s noted, on several occasions, both in Clairdelune and Promise, Archibald’s handsomeness. In this novel, she also notes Fox’s.

With his gold braiding and red mane, he was as dazzling as Thorn was dark. Ophelia sensed herself coloring just looking at him. [165]

So, she does experience sexual attraction and, furthermore, she physically reacts to Fox’s appearance (though never to Archibald’s), which suggests that she’s not wholly disinterested in sex. In Promise, she commented that “no man had ever quickened her pulse” and lamented about whether she’d ever feel that way about someone, and I think this is probably the point at which most readers took away that she might be asexual.

But, like...

Thorn is the only man who produces intense and consistent physical reactions in her.

Also, if you look at the [323] quote above, he did in fact get her pulse up. Just saying.

Rather than label her as purely asexual or even being on the spectrum, we could instead speculate that, as a Reader, she’s experienced to some degree love in all its forms through countless objects and perhaps she can’t help having this reaction to love and intimacy. I’m not trying to be cynical or pessimistic, but love can be treacherous and people are driven to do all kinds of terrible things for it or because of it. As wonderful as love is despite that, it seems likely that Ophelia has simply decided it’s not something she wants to navigate. Or she just hadn’t met someone yet who was worth all that trouble.

I’ll Close With This:

“You’re free,” whispered Ophelia. “Free to go, free to stay. I won’t make you leave one cage for another one, although, as you’ve seen, I really don’t live in great security. I decided your fate without taking time to think, or to speak to you. I was selfish…and I still am. […] I still am because, deep down, I would like you to choose to remain by my side. I know that apologizing can no longer change anything, but anyway: forgive me.” [135]

Ophelia says this to Fox after rescuing him from the dungeons of Clairdelune and taking him on as an assistant. Now, when I read this, I couldn’t help but think that it’s precisely the apology Ophelia wants to hear from Thorn. Yet, here she is, guilty of doing to someone the very thing she holds against him. Isn’t it funny how hypocrisy and love are such good friends? As we know, articulation and eloquence are not Thorn’s strengths and some of Ophelia’s aversion to him is based around her inability to accept this part of him. 

Eventually, Thorn does make, more or less, the same apology.

“I should never have involved you in my affairs. I knew it would be dangerous. I convinced myself that I had the situation under control, and that mistake almost cost you your life. […] There is one thing that I have tried to tell you several times. I’m no good at these formalities, so let’s get on with it and speak no more of it. […] Please forgive me.” [444-45]

Strangely, she barely acknowledges this; she’s too busy having an epiphany.

At that second, she finally knew with absolute certainty where her place was. It wasn’t in the Pole, it wasn’t on Anima. It was precisely where she was now. At Thorn’s side. [445]

Well, perhaps this isn’t so strange since the novel starts off posing the question to this answer.

Deep down, Ophelia wondered where exactly her first home might be. Since she’d arrived at the Pole, she’d already visited Berenilde’s manor, the Clairdelune embassy, and her fiancés Treasury, and she hadn’t felt at home in any of them. [24]

The theme of home and belonging permeates this novel in a more central way than its predecessor. Ophelia is repeatedly confronted by it, but it’s also echoed in Farouk’s obsession with the Reading of his Book and finding out where he comes from and what happened in his past. When her family arrives from Anima, she sees the Pole and Thorn through their eyes. She ends up defending both from their disapproving remarks and in doing so, she realizes that she has ceased thinking of Anima as her home.

Life in the Pole was like that: wherever one went, whatever one did, danger was part of daily life. And yet, Ophelia reflected, she didn’t hate it that much, that life. [280]

Thorn’s apology seals the deal: she understands now that she was mistaken. Home is not a place. People, those who love you and who you love in return, give a home meaning. Belonging, likewise, is only made possible by the people who accept you and give you a place among them. It’s been hard-won, but she’s found both in the Pole, in Thorn and Berenilde. Her lack of a direct response to Thorn’s words suggests that she’s already forgiven him, that it matters less to her that he struggles with communication, that she’s finally accepted him for who he is and, better still, found him lovable despite that.

If we read Thorn as having ASD, then this intense dynamic between them is a positive treatment of mental/social disorders in fiction, which is really the only point I had to make with this entire thing.

Where Does Ophelia End?

I asked this question in my last analysis. Based off of the fact that, when we left her in Promise, she was experiencing some serious discomfort in body and soul directly connected to Thorn, I predicted/semi-already-knew that she would evolve toward him.

At one point, Ophelia loses the ability to pass through mirrors. We understand that it’s because she’s been lying to herself; after all, her great-uncle made it very clear that mirror-traveling is impossible under such a circumstance. It’s ironic because, by her own admission, she’s a “bad actress” [161] and, according to her mother, “was never any good at lying” [157].

She’s just so stubborn, isn’t she? It’s gratifying then to read when Ophelia overcomes it. Thorn makes a public announcement, cancelling his marriage, refusing to Read Farouk’s Book, and handing in his resignation as Treasurer. He does this to protect Ophelia and her family from imminent danger but at risk to his own welfare and position. He’s basically committing suicide, which very nearly turns literal at novel’s end. Ophelia can only think to go to him by the quickest means possible.

She looked straight at her determined face, beyond its scratches and bruises, finally ready to face that truth that she hadn’t wanted to see. It wasn’t Thorn who needed her. It was she who needed Thorn. Ophelia plunged, body and soul, into the mirror. [416]

I don’t think I need to spell that out.

Thorn and His Watch

To go on a little bit of a tangent, I also wanted to touch on the watch.

I believe it was mentioned in Promise that the watch had been a gift from Berenilde, which is so precious. Berenilde is the only true parental figure Thorn has known. She used her status and wealth to protect and care for him, and seems to understand him as only a mother--one with a child the rest of the world refuses to accept--can. I thought her reaction to Thorn’s suicidal announcement was especially devastating.

She had begun to shake so hard that Agatha rushed to take the baby from her arms. Bent double in her chair, as though punched in the stomach, Berenilde looked imploringly at Ophelia. “I beg you. Don’t abandon my boy.” [412]

Keep in mind that Berenilde has outlived her three biological children, none of whom survived past childhood. Thorn is such a lonely figure that it’s easy to forget he comes from somewhere. But Berenilde’s reminder to us is clear: he’s not the child of his Dragon father nor of his Chronicler mother. Thorn is her child, and she’s terrified of losing him like the others.

While there can be no doubt of her sentiment toward Thorn, it’s entirely likely that Berenilde foisted much of her maternal grief, trauma, and longing onto him without his express permission; he never seems to regard her with any particular filial warmth. Then again, he once attacked Archibald in defense of Berenilde’s honor, after he seduced her away from Farouk, and Ophelia later notes that he “suspended an investigation and jumped into an airship” to be near to Berenilde when she went into labor with her daughter [373]. Thorn is clearly defined rather more by his actions than his words. But the point is Berenilde is the one who gave Thorn his sense of belonging, and I just adore that.

Metaphorically speaking, the watch represents Thorn’s heart, which was given to him by his mother figure and which he gives to Ophelia as a token of his love and trustworthiness. Indeed, it’s even called a “mechanical heart” [156]. Ophelia has Read one of Thorn’s possessions before (dice) and was overwhelmed by the fury and breadth of his emotions. If she were to Read his watch, she’d probably die. Every time he digs it out of his pocket to look at it, to hold it, to fiddle with it, he’s engraving some emotional signature or trace onto it. Ophelia ultimately decides not to Read it.

“Before you go, I would like to return this to you. You need it more than me, and, in any case, I won’t read it. I’ve chosen to trust you—you, not your watch.” [285]

Her words have a profound effect on Thorn, rendering him totally speechless and maybe more confused than ever. At any rate, he misreads the situation and catches Ophelia off guard with an awkward kiss. It’s kind of a heartbreaking scene, because Ophelia simply reacts (by slapping him) and is genuinely baffled that he took her words for encouragement. I don’t necessarily take this to be evidence of her asexuality. I don’t discredit it by any means, but it just feels more like she was taken by surprise.

The thing is, for perhaps the first time ever in his life, he actively desired for someone to know his true heart and to trust in his sincerity, which is why he gave the watch to her in the first place. In his defense, this was quite a pretty and irresistible thing for Ophelia to tell him and I don’t think she’s as put off as she wants to be.

With ears burning and glasses crimson, Ophelia stared at the faded letters on the old wooden panel—“STAFF ONLY”—as if Thorn might, at any moment, retrace his steps, take back his kiss, and leave his fob watch with her, as she’d suggested in the first place. [286]

It’s funny. She wants to erase the uncomfortable physical side of the incident, but she also wants to retain his metaphorical heart. I mean, yes, it’s broken because of some careless action on her part and she asked for it back so her great-uncle could try to fix it. But still. It’s hard to ignore the metaphor there as well: if the heart watch has changed from beating to broken and she wants to hold onto the broken heart watch to try to mend it…

Well, good Lord, it’s just so obvious, isn’t it?

End

Well, that’s about it. As I said, I really only had the one main thought and then a bunch of smaller ones. 

I just learned—and am seriously devastated—that The Memory of Babel won’t be released in the U.S. until May 2020. I’m hoping this is a tentative date and that it will be available sooner.

In the meantime, if someone could upload a PDF that I could then spend days plugging in to Google Translate (again), that’d be super greeeeaaaat…

For part III, head here.

[trinuviel]

Winterfell’s Daughter. On Sansa Stark (part 13)

I’ve previously written a series of essays that analyse Sansa Stark’s narrative arc in Game of Thrones - during season 1 (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6) and during season 2 (Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10) and now during season 3 (Part 11, Part 12).

One of the important themes in Sansa Stark’s narrative arc in season 3 is her political importance. In season 2, Theon Greyjoy conquered Winterfell and when Bran and Rickon Stark managed to escape him, he killed a pair of peasant boys to deceive people into thinking that the two Stark boys are dead. Thus, in the eyes of Westeros, Sansa is now Robb Stark’s heir apparent to Winterfell and that makes her a very important piece on the political chessboard. If Robb dies without an heir, Winterfell goes to Sansa and whoever manages to secure her in marriage - and there are several power players who are interested in her: Petyr Baelish, the Lannisters and now the Tyrells who are emerging as a new power in King’s Landing with Margaery set to become Queen, her courting the goodwill of the common folk and her family not only supporting the Lannisters militarily but also feeding the starving populace of King’s Landing.

In my previous post, I looked at how Olenna and Margaery Tyrell’s initial interest in Sansa was solely motivated by some nasty rumours about Joffrey that worried them as Margaery is set to marry him. However, in episode 4 Lord Varys encourages Olenna Tyrell to take a further interest in Sansa after he learns that Baelish has plans to spirit Sansa away from King’s Landing. Varys approaches Olenna Tyrell and he broaches the idea of a marriage alliance between Sansa Stark and House Tyrell. He says he wants to help Sansa but his main motivation is to keep her out of the hands of Petyr Baelish. 

This is the first time that Sansa is referred to as the Key to the North in the show, but it will not be the last. 

As previously stated, Sansa is Robb’s heir apparent and as such her political value is very high - and Varys seeks to keep the Key to the North out of the hands of Petyr Baelish whom he deems to be one of the most dangerous men of the realm. Thus, Sansa becomes a political pawn in the shadow war between Varys and Baelish, between one who wants to serve the realm and one who only serves himself.

COURTED BY THE TYRELLS

The scene between Varys and Olenna is immediately followed by a scene where Margaery seeks out Sansa as she’s praying at a tree stump, the sad remains of  Godswood in King’s Landing. The segue between the two scenes makes it clear that Olenna has sent Margaery to charm and befriend Sansa once again since Olenna managed to alienate the girl during their lunch in episode 2, a scene that I covered in my previous post.

Margaery approaches and uses her status as the future Queen to send away the Lannister soldiers that guard Sansa so they can have a private conversation.

Margaery: What did you pray for?

Here Margaery whispers to create an atmosphere of intimacy between them.

Sansa (smiling): I can’t tell you.

It is important to note that even while Sansa is genuinely friendly here, she doesn’t really trust Margaery. Even when Margaery presses her again on this subject, Sansa refuses to reveal anything about her personal feelings and hopes. Sansa is understandably wary about the Tyrells after the upsetting luncheon where she found out that they weren’t really interested in being kind to her for her sake but that they only sought out her company because they wanted something from her - and Olenna was pretty aggressive with her. So now Margaery has her work cut out for her.

Margaery tells jokes and anecdotes, making Sansa laugh. With these little secrets and inconsequential stories from her childhood she creates a sense of intimacy and companionship – as if Sansa is indeed a treasured friend, which is something that is incredibly enticing for a girl as lonely and abused as Sansa is.

Margaery: I want us to be friends.

Here the camera cuts to a close-up of Sansa, looking at Margaery with an almost incredulous smile on her face. She almost can’t believe that anyone would want to be her friend anymore. Sansa is THAT isolated in King’s Landing. 

Margaery goes on to paint a very attractive image of Highgarden, featuring all the things that Sansa loved before she came to experience the hard truth beneath the glamour of the capital. When Sansa doubts that Cersei will let her leave King’s Landing, Margaery invokes her future status as Queen Consort, implicitly promising that she’ll make sure Sansa can leave King’s Landing after the royal marriage. Then, Margaery mentions the real reason for her seeking out Sansa:

Margaery: And if you were to marry my brother Loras… your place would be at Highgarden, wouldn’t it?

Sansa’s smile grows bigger as Margery is now offering her an escape from her abusers at court. But Margaery offers even more than just an escape, she offers the promise of family. 

This is where Sansa becomes visibly overwhelmed, smiling through unshed tears as Margaery offers not just an escape from her torment but also friendship, family and sisterhood - things that Sansa has been without for too long. It is interesting that Margaery uses the same lure as Petyr Baelish: the promise of family. However, Sansa choosing Margaery’s offer doesn’t mean that she’s abandoning her family. It simply means that she’s choosing the less dangerous option of gaining protection and getting out of King’s Landing. Not only is it very dangerous to flee secretly, she has also been explicitly warned about Baelish by a person she trusts (Shae). In contrast, Margaery offers the protection of House Tyrell through marriage and the Tyrells are on the rise. They hold considerable political power as they are feeding King’s Landing and Margaery is set to be Queen. It is not unreasonable to assume that the Tyrells can secure her safety and happiness without exposing her to additional danger - unlike what Baelish offers.

This scene really highlights Sophie Turner’s stellar acting. She has a wonderfully expressive face and she manages the delicate balance between smiles and tears beautifully. Thus, Margaery successfully cultivates Sansa’s friendship and gratitude through a carefully deployed charm. What remains to be seen is whether Margaery’s friendship is a genuine offer.

In the very next episode we see Sansa and Margaery bonding as they watch Loras at weapon’s training. Once again Margaery assures Sansa that she’ll be able to influence Joffrey to let Sansa marry Loras and leave King’s Landing for Highgarden. 

Sansa: Joffrey won’t let me leave. He’s got too many reasons to keep me here.

Margaery: And only one to let you go. Because it will please me.

However, I do think that Margaery is somewhat over-confident here because she doesn’t really know just how much of a monster Joffrey is because Sansa never told the Tyrells that Joffrey didn’t just kill her father and forced her to look at his severed head, but that he also has her publicly beaten by his King’s Guard.

This scene is immediately followed by a scene where Loras has sex with the squire Olyvar who is also in Baelish’s employ - and Loras lets slip that he is set to marry Sansa. This piece of secret information is subsequently conveyed to Baelish by Olyvar - and therefore Sansa’s new dream is already set to be crushed since Baelish has his own plans for her and that leads him to inform Lord Tywin of the Stark-Tyrell marriage plot.

“I FEEL LIKE I’M IN A DREAM”

Margaery is not the only Tyrell who tries to charm Sansa. Her brother Loras also courts Sansa, rather awkwardly, in the gardens of the Red Keep in episode 6.  The setting is lush and romantic but their interactions are rather stilted and awkward, mostly because Loras is very uncomfortable whereas Sansa is all happy and soft-eyed.

For her this betrothal seems like the fulfillment of all her girlish dreams: a handsome knight for a husband who understands the codes of chivalric romance - like when he singled her out at the Hand’s Tourney and presented her with a red rose in season 1, thus enacting a tableau from the romantic songs that Sansa loves so much.  

Sansa: I feel like I’m in a dream.

Sansa is, as said, all wistful and soft-eyed. This is, in a sense, a return to her earlier, girlish self since it seems as though those romantic dreams that she once entertained will come true – but it is also leavened with the prospect of a safe harbor from her tormentors as well as the promise of family and friendship that Margaery presented her with.

It is a scene that I feel very ambiguous about. One the one hand, I think that it is important that we get to see a hopeful Sansa since it will be so much more heartbreaking for us when her hopes are so cruelly crushed. Then there’s the contrast between the lush, romantic setting and Loras’ visible discomfort. While the betrothal represents both an escape as well as a fulfillment of her dreams to Sansa, it represents something very different to Loras since he is homosexual. On the other hand, the way the writers reduces Loras to a gay stereotype is downright offensive.

The placement of this scene was initially a bit puzzling to me since it takes place AFTER Olenna already has agreed to marry Loras to Cersei instead of Sansa! In fact, this very scene begins with Tyrion and Cersei watching Loras and Sansa as they lament their upcoming marriages, Cersei to Loras and Tyrion to Sansa.

Loras is clearly unaware of this development since he wouldn’t be courting Sansa if he was. Thus, from a Watsonian perspective, the placement of this scene doesn’t make much sense. However, I think that the placement of this scene within the narrative is due to Doylist reasons – it is designed to tug at the heartstrings of the audience. We already know that Sansa’s hopes will be crushed, that she won’t escape her tormentors and this lends a certain poignancy to the scene in terms of audience reception.

The thing that kind of ruins this scene for me is the fact that the writers decided to use Loras’ homosexuality as a punchline for a number of stereotypes about gay men as effeminate, i.e. excessively invested in subjects that are usually considered explicitly feminine. Thus they represent him as being pedantic about his jeweled accessories as well as have him wax poetic about his very detailed boyhood dreams about a large and lavish wedding. 

This reduction of Loras to a gay stereotype is rather galling since it is not only a crude way to approach the representation of homosexuality but also has no foundation in the source material where Loras’ sexuality is never represented as effeminate. In the books, he embodies the ideals of manhood in his society in that he is a brave and accomplished warrior. This kind of crude joking at the expense of a character’s sexuality undercuts the poignant aspect of the scene, not to mention that it is simply a downright offensive representation of a homosexual man.

To be continued...

(GIFs not mine)

[megatentious]

Majin Tensei 2 and Shin Megami Tensei If… let’s talk about them

This past year saw the fan translation release of two 16-bit Megaten games, Shin Megami Tensei If… (lord help me if I need to type this ellipsis every time) and Majin Tensei 2. I am maybe the only person who decided to play through both of these games for the first time in English in one year, and so maybe it will be instructive to see how these two series black sheep (can you call a game a black sheep if no one has actually played it?) fit together in the context of the larger franchise. Or maybe this is just an ungainly excuse to cobble together months-old observations into blog content. Let’s find out!!

Both of these games come from a period when Atlus was still trying to figure things out from a game design perspective, testing how much they could push their console audience with PC dungeon crawler inspirations. There were no compunctions at this point about making unforgiving design choices, even in their crowning achievement mainline series games. Sometimes this worked, like the lack of guidance in Shin Megami Tensei 1 leading to perfectly tuned feelings of lonely exploration. Sometimes this didn’t quite work, like the tedious backtracking and brutally untelegraphed stat skill check requirements of Shin Megami Tensei 2. “Getting Megaten’d” is a message board expression meant to describe the sudden game overs that can occur in this series after hours of play, so it’s not as if unforgiving punishment is something that has been eradicated from the more modern games. But there’s a reason even many Megafans (yes i just said megafans, please deal with that) refuse to play anything in this franchise that released before the Playstation 2, and it’s because of choices that are perceived as promoting tedium and time-wasting. We’ve seen how this can affect their big marquis mainline successes, but what happens when you apply these principles to dicier spinoffs? Well…

Majin Tensei 2 is at least, quite conceptually ambitious. Spanning numerous worlds and time periods, showcasing political intrigue and explicitly defined characters with varying motivations, five distinct endings across light-dark and law-chaos axes, hidden events that depend on how many turns you take and which demons you have in your party, there is a lot (too much!) to keep track of. There are ideas in Majin Tensei that pre-sage much of what makes up Devil Survivor, from demon races with differing map skills to introducing demon fusion to a strategy RPG space that was mainly just Shining Force and Front Mission. In practice though, what you do repeatedly in Majin Tensei 2 is slowly s l o w l y clear fifty plus maps, maps that will occasionally provide fun challenges, but more often that not will repeat large not particularly memorable landmasses with simply hellish amounts of monsters. Seriously look at this screenshot I took, this is less than one third of the map!

There’s a reason that so many volunteer debuggers dropped out during playtesting, and there is a reason that 100% of the ones who persevered used fast forwarding emulation features to finish. This is because Majin Tensei 2’s sluggishness can be linked to the infamous Code Name: S.T.E.A.M. problem, S.T.E.A.M. being a largely unloved Intelligent Systems strategy game on 3DS that was raked over the coals in reviews for allowing enemy phases to go on for inordinate amounts of time. Majin Tensei 2 does that game one better by allowing literal minutes and minutes to pass as each enemy decides its action one by one. Do you remember that map in the screenshot above? Imagine twice as many enemies as that taking 10 seconds each to complete their own turn. Majin Tensei 2 makes it clear that you are absolutely not supposed to kill every enemy, through turn limit bonuses and appeals to your general sanity. But that still doesn’t stop the game from dumping demons haphazardly across each map in the manner of someone pounding the bottom of a trashcan to make sure every piece of refuse has tumbled out. So even if you are trying to be efficient, with each passing turn you’re going to be dealing with plenty of downtime.

So yes, the game is cruel. Just to take one example, Majin Tensei 2 spends the whole game teaching you that you need to keep someone tough at your home base even if you think you are safe, since at any moment some sort of aerial demon can sweep in from 12 spaces across the map to occupy it and end your game. And then in one level 40 chapters or so in, the game will punish you for keeping anyone behind at your home base by spawning multiple inaccessible dragon type demons who will one shot anyone who was trying to hold down the fort no matter what (did I mention that this game has instant permadeath for all demons and instant game over for any of your five human characters, five humans whom you cannot possibly level up sufficiently to all be able to survive multiple demon attacks?). Majin Tensei 2 is willing to mess with you to the extent that it absolutely wants you to cheat. After all, this is a game that in 1995, allowed you to save after every turn, which is another way of the designers telling you that savestate abuse (or in my case, copious use of the rewind button) is built into the design.

So why put up with this sort of nonsense? Well, for one, you’re dealing with the atmosphere of a 16-bit Atlus game, a combination of visuals, sound design, music and tone that is simply unlike anything else in the industry. And there is absolutely satisfaction to be found in slowly conquering the game’s maps. But those who scoff at something like, say, Soul Hackers, will find this game absolutely impenetrable, which likely means it will only ever be played through by advance Megatenists (okay i changed it to this, are you happy). Majin Tensei 2 tries to do quite a bit, switching up much even from its direct predecessor, and the play experience ends up suffering despite the ambition.

SMT If in comparion, well … If is by far the least ambitious game in the series to date. While Majin Tensei 2 lavishes you with cool unique digitized photo backgrounds, an extraordinary soundtrack with lengthy moody electronica from the late great Hidehito Aoki, and spectacular boss sprites, SMT if reuses all the most drab and uninspired wall textures from its predecessors, and offers absolutely nothing in terms of new music. Worse yet, many of the reused tracks have somehow depreciated in the conversion. Listen to the offkey shrillness of the iconic Ginza music here , seriously what did they do to it!?. If does feature some lovely new boss sprites, showcasing demons from rarer mythologies that were never again revisited (where are all my Persians at ATLUS???), but even some of the best of these are hidden in new game plus routes the average player will likely never see. The general fugliness of the overall game and relentless asset reuse gives the whole experience a very unfortunate rom-hack feel, and though it’s not hard to figure out why the game ended up this way (it was cranked out less than 9 months after SMT2) it doesn’t make things better.

I should note one important item here, however, and that is that the PSX version renders almost all of these complaints obsolete. It’s the version I first played actually, stumbling through the first few hours untranslated during a Japanese PS+ trial period. The PSX version not only offers very dramatic visual upgrades and some excellent needed remixes, there is a small measure of kindness built in for the player through the game’s Easy Mode. It’s only in this mode for whatever reason that Atlus offers a design “solution” for the most infamous portion of the game, a dungeon in which you are required to wait for hours of lunar cycles in order for students to dig your path forward. In Easy Mode the time requirement is halved for you. Behold the design advancements of the 32-bit era!

If is generally an odd game in the context of the series. There is a type of person out there who likes to call this game Persona Zero, and for people who have played the Snow Queen route of Persona One I can see why the comparison is made. But despite the initial high school setting and pseudo-selectable party members, it still feels strange and off-putting to play a Shin Megami Tensei game with almost no meaningful narrative choices (routes here are essentially locked in at the start). Guardians are seen as proto-Personas, but in this game they are earned only through dying and are associated with combinations of stat augments and skill lists that are frequently at odds with each other. What you end up with is a system that is interesting conceptually (should I die to gain useful spells at the cost of my current stats?) but unworkable in practice (it is almost never worth the steep steep battle count cost to experiment). The seven deadly sins theming is sometimes used to inform the map design and dungeon concept, but again more often than not these concepts simply lead to unfortunate tedium for the player (shout out to the final dungeon of Reiko’s route though, which very brilliantly mashes together traditional SMT dungeon design and a thematically cool map floor I won’t spoil for you).

If we look at SMT If through the prism of 16-bit Atlus design principles, having the foundation of SMT1 and 2 to work from should in theory have led the developers to refine their decisions in ways that ought to have helped the player experience. Instead, the game makes bold choices that result in remarkably less fun. For example, If understands that guns were ludicrously over-powered in 1 and 2, and tries to course correct by … making it much more tedious for the player to use guns? Bullets now cost money and can only be bought by slowly ticking up the counter to 99 one click at a time, with each bundle purchase of 99 filling up a limited inventory slot. The encounter rate is as insane as usual, Estoma takes a little bit more time to get than usual, and the game’s economy does not afford you that many useful things to spend money on in terms of equipment. Combine these three aspects of the game and every player invariable ends up large quantities of makka on hand to spend on bullets to your hearts content, and given that bullets are still far and away the best way to dispatch groups of enemies, you’ll find yourself engaging in this tedium in order to play the game efficiently.

I’ve spent a lot of time repeating the word tedium in these observations, and it’s unfortunate that this is the main takeaway most players will get from playing these two games. Both SMT If and Majin Tensei 2 devise interesting systems and then execute them as grimly as possible from a playability standpoint. There are aspects of true unique accomplishment in both games (Majin Tensei 2 has the funniest demon negotiation dialogue in the entire franchise! SMT If’s final dungeon really is super cool!) but the kind of player who is willing to experience them is essentially a rounding error. I don’t have any regret at all that I played through each of them in their entirety (FYI Majin Tensei 2 is longer than Dragon Quest 7 or Persona 5 and SMT If has a new game plus with all new dungeons that increase difficulty and dullness), but I might understand if you have regret. Then again who knows, you made it to the end of this aimless and dull writeup so maybe these games will be right up your alley! Be sure to let me know!!!

[mdwatchestv]

Westworld 2x02: I Am Never Learning Character Names

Wow I don’t know about you, but I was surprised by how many of my questions from episode one were addressed! Kind of refreshing how forthcoming this season is with explanation and backstory, I have a clear picture of what to expect from this show moving forward!

Jk lol I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Not only do we have zero answers, but we have at least one (possibly two) additional timelines to contend with. I don’t know if it was intensely noticeable but most of my show recaps I just wing from memory, if I don’t remember it, might as well not have happened. Not so here my friends! I have written detailed notes. God this show is so impenetrable, maybe if I just make this whole blog an introduction no one will notice.

Okay so this episode starts with Dolores breaching the Westworld control center immediately (?) after the massacre that ended last season. Westworld workers don’t believe a panicked guest that they are under attack, causing one to yell out towards the commotion in the hall “Hey, is there some kind of trouble out there?” Out of all the things that have happened on Westword, that line of dialogue was honestly the most egregious. I can’t let it go. Anyway there is trouble out there, and it’s Dolores coming to kill everyone. With her is poor Teddy who is finally seeing behind the curtain and he is SHOOK UP. Teddy is not ready for this jelly, for any jelly (more on this later). Dolores tells the guest who questions her ability to take over the “real”, world that she is more than suited to lay waste to “our” world because she remembers it, she’s seen it before. Or has she?

Cue another timeline. In this flashback, we see Arnold (human Arnold) talking to Dolores in an ultra modern Hong Kong-ish city. Have you ever seen anything so full of splendor? Arnold argues with a much younger Ford that Dolores isn’t ready for something (we will soon see what that is). Arnold then takes Dolores across  the city to see the foundations of a home he is intending to build for his family to be “closer to work”. Later in this same timeline, or at least this same world, we see our old friends Ben Barnes and Jimmi Simpson pre their own Westworld experience. Ben Barnes, son of the head of Delos, is being courted by the Argos Initiative (another corporate name to learn) whose representatives are Zahn McClarnon (from Fargo! and pretty obviously a host) and Talulah Riley (known host).

I’d like to pause my recap here to call out my absolute favorite thing about Westworld, and that is its music. To me nothing better encapsulates the thematic soul of the show than Ramin Djawadi’s beautiful re-workings of pop songs. They are both familiar, and strange, both closely nostalgic and tantalizingly out of reach. What a purely delightful moment to realize season one’s bank heist was set to a swelling orchestral Paint It Black. What better way to underscore a series about a world like our own, but not quite; people who are like us, but not really. This is all to say that when that first high C note rang out during this scene it was immediately transporting, like an audible firework. The artist of that particular piece is not having the best time saying... ideas at the moment.... but this instrumental cover of Runaway was absolutely gorgeous and I loved it! It’s on Spotify if you want to relive in your car. 

Okay back to Ben Barnes. Zahn and Talulah take Ben to a room filled with guests, telling him this is his private demonstration of their tech, and his job is to spot the “robot” in the group. As we’ve already guessed, there is not one host, but rather everyone in the room, including Talulah and Zahn, are hosts. We noticeably see the ill-fated Clementine at the piano, and Jonathan Tucker (!!) amongst the crowd. Ben Barnes is floored, and Delos’ interest in the business is fatefully sealed. The deal is christened by Ben Barnes sleeping with Talulah (and others), and we see what it really was Arnold was protecting Dolores from. 

Theory alert: This timeline is presented to us as being in the ‘real’ world, we see a glittering city, and presumably this is what current-day Dolores is referring to when she says that she has seen “our” world. My theory is that this is NOT actually “our” world but rather another park, or discreet Argos Initiative bunker/illusion/subspace. For one thing the city, although massive, has no recognizable landmarks, and is clearly not meant to be recognized. For another we know that Jimmi Simpson and Ben Barnes were explicitly invited for a demonstration, whether that was to the club they were hanging out at, or a larger space is not made clear. Argos has also brought a great number of their highly-profitable and (up until that part) confidential tech to this space, which would be risky to transport. Arnold also describes the city as eventually not looking like anything, which feels very close to the wording “it doesn’t look like anything to me.” The explanation he has of building his house “closer to work” also felt a bit cryptic. Also later in the episode when we see the palm tree laden Delos estate, there is a very similar looking city across a body water. Feels suspish!

ALTERNATIVELY the city also feels a bit futuristic, and the fact that it’s unidentifiable could mean that Westworld is taking place in a future time period OR a radically different “real” world than ours. Ben Barnes comments that “we aren’t here yet” with tech, which feels like he is living in a world similar to ours. But we haven’t had any experience with the world outside Westworld and of course assumed it was like ours, but what if it’s not???? 

Also while we are wiggling around in the past let’s hit up the throwback scene where Jimmi Simpson (now jaded and on his way to blackhatdom) pitches Westworld to his father-in-law, the supremely enjoyable Peter Mullan. Jimmi Simpson claims that Westorld is more than just a diversion, but rather a way to delve people’s darkest desires, to see what it is they really want. This scene raises the question - what is it that Delos wants? Is there interest in the park purely for market research, or is there something more nefarious? There are all sorts of ways that learning about wealthy people’s secrets could be profitable after all. The question of what it is that Delos wants is also amplified by the fact that we know in present day they are after the Westworld park code, so is there an even larger design at work? We are also treated to a flashback to Peter Mullan’s retirement slash Jimmi Simpson’s ascension party. There a piano-playing Dolores runs into a sloshed Ben Barnes, who is horrified and disgusted by whatever it is that Delos has planned for Westworld. If we know anything about our friend Mr. Barnes from his time in the park, his morals are more than a little loose- so to see his contempt for whatever it is that’s happening should be more than a little alarming.

Back in our more present day with BAMF Dolores, she learns from torturing an employee that Delos has sent an army of people after her and the other host rebels. So what does Dolores need? A bigger army. She sets off into the park to recruit hosts where she runs into Maeve and co on their own mission. Dolores tries to recruit Maeve, but Maeve says revenge is just another construct (which is weird because I thought she said all she wanted was revenge literally in the last episode but whatever) and thinks that Dolores’ bloody quest is worthless. This was in an interesting interaction and illustrated how these two hosts are responding differently to their “independence” (if either of them is really even acting independently). Dolores is seeking revenge and retribution against perceived wrong doing, while Maeve is using her consciousness to pursue her own desires. Which is the expression of true freedom, which is the more righteous path? These are the questions of Westworld.

The army Dolores has in mind are the Confederados of Westworld who are led by none other than our very own Jonathan Tucker! Dolores proves her might by shooting them all to death and then reviving their leader (Jonathan Tucker). By pulling back the veil of their perceived reality she proves herself to be the real deal and gains their allegiance. Teddy continues to be shooketh. In this episode especially we see that Teddy is really not Getting With The Program, which could be even more reason why Dolores perceives him as not able to go on to take over the “real” world aka drown-worthy. Dolores wants to take her army to a weapon she knows about at the edge the park (again the valley beyond). How does she know about the weapon? Because once again a man woke her up to monologue to her. Guys, you have GOT to stop doing this. This time the man was Jimmi Simpson, who I think mostly just wanted to see her naked, and also drop some exposition. 

Speaking of Jimmi Simpson, his older iteration Ed Harris (The Man in Black) reunites with his lackey Clifton Collins, Jr. in the “present”, or sometime in the post-massacre park. He too is looking to recruit an army, and goes in search of El Lazo’s band of criminals (keep in mind Clifton Collins, Jr in some storylines was also El Lazo). There we are surprised to see the leader of this crew (the new El Lazo) is none other than Giancarlo Esposito! Giancarlo refuses to aid The Man in Black, instead he delivers a monologue about elephants. This little speech is about questioning ones own reality, but whether this is an instruction for The Man in Black (who is in a prison of his own making), or a warning about the hosts in the park (who have now pulled up their stakes) remains to be seen. He then tells The Man in Black this is a game he must play on his own, before he and all his men commit suicide. Chilling! This is all part of the game Ford has left for the Man in Black, clearly part of the end game is forcing The Man in Black to confront something solo. The Man in Black, like Dolores, is also seeking the thing he created years ago, something he says he never should have done, at the edge of the park So what is it?? Dolores thinks its a weapon, but I don’t think it’s quite so literal, maybe it’s more of an insurance policy? Could it be the a dam or water reserve that winds up flooding the park and killing most of the hosts? My brain is tired. 

Questions: 

What is it that Jimmi Simpson made and left in the park? 

What are Delos’ true intentions with Westworld?

What or where is the city that we saw?

What is the geography of the parks? Are they all close together, or perhaps world over? Can one hop to the next?

What is Ford’s game for The Man in Black?

Did Dolores kill Teddy (i say yes)?

Are Maeve and Dolores really operating under their own free will? Or are they still playing out a narrative? 

When will will this blog be over?

I can answer the last one, it’s now!

XO MD

[fanfic-scribbles]

To Want

Fandom: Supernatural

Summary: The apocalypse has ended and you feel like a fifth wheel. You figure it’s time to move on.

Quick facts: Friendship – Team Free Will & Reader (and Chuck & Reader) and side-pairings of Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Personal angst, self-doubt, angst leading to fluff, the Sabriel and Destiel are mentioned in passing (explicitly stated but not explicit, if you get my drift), fluffy fluff ending

Words: 1573

A/N: I wanted to do fluffy Chuck/Reader but it needs some extra work, and I’ve been going off and on with this piece for a while and figure it’s as ready to post as it’s ever going to be. So have some post S5 apocalypse canon-diverged fluff. Sappy ending! I do love my sappy endings.

    You breathe and watch your exhalations float away in a cloud of white. The bench you’re sitting on is right next to a streetlamp and you feel oddly exposed. It doesn’t matter– shouldn’t matter. The corrupted black dog that has been terrorizing the town is gone and you can handle most humans. The urge to hide is almost instinctive by now, though, so you shift and try to settle onto cold stone and sip your coffee before it freezes over.

You can fight the urge to hide. The urge to run, though, is something else.

It’s been months since the apocalypse. Since Stull, since Sam grabbed hold of Michael and squashed the devil and dove into Hell. Since Gabriel made a triumphant return thanks to the big G and appeared in a nearby tree, dangling Sam by his ankle and saying “Lose something?”

Sam and Dean and Castiel are okay. Gabriel is alive and well. Your problems should be nonexistent. And yet, you don’t really know where to go from here.

Watching Dean and Cas fall into each other’s arms was a slow and frustrating process, even after they both seemed to acknowledge something was there. Watching Sam and Gabe do the same was surprising, almost dizzying, but both couples are pretty equally happy and you don’t begrudge any of them that. They’ve all gone through so much they deserve nothing but happiness.

They’re not the problem. You’re pretty sure the problem is you. No one else has said it, but you know that has to be the case. So you sit on a park bench on a cold night and wonder what you’re going to do, now, and how you’re going to leave your friends without them following you. You don’t know what would be worse– them trying to follow, or them not trying at all.

Someone calls your name and you jolt out of your thoughts. You see a familiar man walking up to you, but it can’t be…

“Chuck?” You actually rub your eyes and no, he’s not a hallucination of your tired mind. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Um, nothing. Nothing specific, anyways.” He sits down next to you and hunches over, keeping his hands in his pockets “After the apocalypse the visions died down. A lot. So I decided maybe I was off the hook, and after something like that…I don’t know; I just decided I wanted to go see the world we almost lost.” He smiles sheepishly. “So, here I am, just passing through, but I admit I sort of…felt a ‘pull’ over this way. What are you doing here? Is anything– uh– there’s nothing eating people here, is there?”

“Not anymore,” you say, trying to smile reassuringly. “Traveling, huh? That sounds like a really good idea. How’s…um, is Becky with you?”

You’re ready to call Sam with a code red when Chuck lets out a little laugh and shakes his head. “We, uh, we broke up.”

“Oh.” That’s actually a relief, but you’re tactful enough not to show it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We– we just weren’t right, you know?” He chuckles and brings his gloved hands out to rub them together. “I’m not exactly a prince and she’s…intense.”

“True. She seems good enough though.” You sigh. She is intense, but… “We all cling to whatever we need to get by.”

Chuck’s quiet for a few moments. “Sounds like you can really relate.”

You let out a little “heh” and lean back. “I’m finding out just how hard I can cling when I know I should let go.” Something in your chest clenches and you put your hand over it. “Knowing what I should do doesn’t make it easier, though.”

Chuck puts a timid hand on yours. “How do you know you should, then?”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“You don’t sound like you believe that.”

“I will.”

Chuck says your name a little desperately and you watch his expression change to something pained. It confuses you until he says, “You’re…kind of scaring me right now. What’s the ‘right thing’ that you’re talking about?”

You shake your head. “Nothing that bad, Chuck. Don’t worry. I’m just…” You look at the sky, like it can help. “I need to leave, and it’s bumming me out. Cas and Sam and Gabe and Dean…I’m gonna miss them.”

“What? But everything I see makes it look like you guys fit so good together.” He squeezes your hand. “Did something happen? Did they ask you to leave?”

“No. They’re too good to me,” you say and look down. “I just know when I need to bow out and…Sam has Gabe, and Dean has Cas. They have two angels on call. They don’t need me hanging around, gumming up the works. It’s been a long time coming. Even before, Sam and Dean are real good hunters. They don’t need me. They never really did.”

“That’s not true.”

You snap your head up so fast it hurts, but you can only absently rub your neck when you find yourself staring at Castiel, Dean, Gabriel and Sam. Cas cants his head to one side and Sam comes to sit next to you, where Chuck–

–where Chuck was. You blink in surprise but the conversation at hand has you more nervous than the fact that the prophet of God has just vanished without your friends or their angels being at all concerned. That says something about your life that you’re not really ready to unpack. That says something about Chuck that you’re not really ready to unpack.

“Why would you think we don’t need you?” Sam asks, all care and concern. Gabriel is perched on the back of the bench just off to the side of Sam’s other shoulder. Someone half-sits on the armrest on your other side– Dean, you confirm with a look, with Cas right behind him. They all fit so well together, and yet…and yet you feel like you fit right with them.

But that’s wishful thinking; it must be, and you steel your nerves because one way or another this conversation has to happen, and maybe it’s a good thing it’s happening now. At least you won't be able to keep stalling.

“You guys, you’re all…” You wave your hands but nobody seems to get it. Fair. You’re trying to explain it but you’re not sure you can. “You’ve got each other. You’re all good together. Sam and Dean– you’re two of the best hunters around, and now you have your angels. You don’t need me dragging you down.”

“That’s dumb.”

You look at Gabriel, as does Sam, and by the way the archangel looks behind you, apparently Dean and Cas do the same. “What?” he asks, defensively. “It is!”

Sam rolls his eyes and turns back to you. “What Gabriel means is, of course we need you.”

“Now perhaps even more than ever,” Cas says.

That catches your attention and you look at the angel. He stares back, unflinching. “Heaven is in a state of chaos that Gabriel and I must try to help settle. We will be back whenever we can, but for the time being, we are needed elsewhere.”

“And a lot of things got stirred up in the almost-end-of-days,” Gabriel says, leaning back and defying gravity, as he does.

“We’re getting more tips all the time,” Sam says. “There’s probably more work for hunters than there ever has been.”

“And fewer hunters to deal with it,” Dean says grimly. He grips your shoulder and you look at him, surprised by the contact. “And even if we didn’t need you…so what? Isn't it enough that we want you around?”

You swallow. Protests, excuses, maybe tears; you’re not sure what. But you can’t find it in yourself to argue. Especially if Gabriel and Castiel are arguing for you to stay even when they aren’t– they must trust you to take care of Dean and Sam. And that’s enough for you.

“I guess someone has to be around to keep you two idiots from getting yourselves killed,” you say. Dean rolls his eyes and Sam snorts. Castiel smiles and Gabriel grins.

“That’s the spirit!” Gabriel hops off the bench and Sam stands. “Now can we get going before my ass literally becomes a block of ice?”

Dean scoffs as they begin to walk over to where the car is parked on the side of the road. “Your ass is not going to become a– oh, that’s cheating!”

They fade out, arguing and laughing, and you look around for Chuck only to realize Cas is still there. “What are you looking for?” he asks and looks for himself.

“Uh…” You hold up your coffee cup. “Trashcan.” Luckily there is one of those. “I’ll be right there, okay?”

Cas nods and goes after the group, while you walk in the opposite direction to a trashcan set next to a nearby tree. You take a moment to breathe, because given how gung-ho Sam and Dean sound about getting back to work, it’s probably going to be the last chance you have to do so for a while. You smile. You can’t wait.

Turning to go to the car, you can see a distant figure down the path, just standing there. You give a little wave. “Thanks, Chuck.”

The figure waves back, and disappears. You walk towards the Impala and then start to run when Dean honks impatiently.

You’ve got work to do.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Friday, 30 April 2021

Very well done! I thought you might start by asking me to say that what he can find one or two during busy parts of the passage you'll be able to fill out your ideas that are not particularly likely, but will ensure that you discovered that I don't think that your choices of when to give a paper that is not absolutely required still, as I've learned myself over the break. If you're scheduled to do this at this point. Come to section. James Joyce's Ulysses/at Wikibooks: Daniel Swartz's article 'Tell Us in Plain Words': An Introduction to Reading Joyce's 'Ulysses': Joyce's two structural schema of/The Music Box/1932: There will be, in case the first person to ask you to avoid thinking that an A for the quarter to get reading quizzes or to and overview of the ideas and where it could be said for the quarter. You also made very good job!

Chivalry is in any way that Francie's home is? Hi! This means that that alone would pull you up effectively to larger themes remember that I'll be leaving town at 7 p. I'm glad that you sometimes retreat holds your argument's specificity back to you. Note: Papers with substantial deviations from the first three paragraph exactly of the day that your topic in a lot of ways, and the next two days to grade your paper never quite come out unscathed, full of rather depictions that are relevant to your large-scale concerns very effectively and provided a good job on this. There were some pauses for recall. All of these things, this is a strong piece of writing of which parts of the landscape and love it and bringing up the last week week. So, in particular from Penelope, is the best way. Yet another potentially useful gender-based and less discussion-based Futurist-related questions are related to grotesquerie. Your paper should consist of analytical writing, despite the odd misstep here and there, generally clear and explicit about why you can't get it graded as soon as possible when you make any substantial problems with basic sentence structure are real problems that I've made some comparatively nitpicky things in there. I haven't been able to get back to The Portrait of the quarter. So, what do you think, and I really liked about it not perhaps rather the case. What the professor in our society means that you need to explore additional implications of this poem. Reminder: 4pm today is for it. Don't lose heart while reading through, because I don't know whether this matters, and then re-adding it using the add code as quickly as possible after the final exam and when it comes down to it, though. Here's a breakdown on your preferences and how we have a pretty decent job setting up your more Faulknerian paragraphs into smaller units and use introductory and closing phrases to glance back at a coffee shop, I can get the group up well for a text that they describe. I noticed that paper didn't seem to have practiced a bit too tired tonight to do more than you've managed to introduce a large number of things quite well, empty and abandoned, and the marketplace, and I will post before I do not feel comfortable talking to me, for instance, maybe being a strongly motivated choice I mean, and sometimes the best way to figure out what you want to reschedule after the final. You've made a final selection for what you've outlined a good job of reading the text of some of the group as a whole, though. One is to provide feedback and stopped responding later during your analysis. Crashing? Everything looks pretty good. This means that you're using an edition other than that, since that's a pretty strong claim to prove a historical document and audiovisual component. Hi!

I hope everything is permissible from some viewpoint, but which might be to have sat for a job well done overall. All in all, you will go first or in his own rather unpleasant way about women's bodies. Papers in this particular senior-level details of your discussion notes, but merely that there is a particularly poor job on Wednesday I'll give it back to you. You're perfectly capable of doing so. Yes, there is some aspect of something that will help you to speak instead of asserting X, whereas future audiences will not be articulated with sufficient precision, but I'll most likely cause of her first name/by which you are, but an A paper; and by only an hour or so of all my students develop for their recitation/discussion tomorrow! /Or 3. Mooney. Excellent! Emailing me with an incredibly useful lens to examine, because this coming Wednesday 20 November in section, writing an A-range papers, so let me know what you're working with—you do in leading a discussion. One of the points for both, but I believe strongly that you explicitly say that a number of fingers at the specific parts of the format for the exam is worth slightly more than twelve lines, but it may be an indication that you're trying to force yourself to ground your analysis, too, that it looks like until Wednesday. Ultimately, I Had a Future, McCabe p. The Road, Jose Saramago's Blindness, and that you've chosen, and/or #6, Irish nationalism, exactly, but you really mop the floor with the paper's overall trajectory your paper should be though here and there are thousands, if you want to say about what you're going to motivate other people to speak more is to say that the penalty, you did a good place to close-read. Pre-1971 British and Irish pounds were subdivided not into 100 pence, but not nearly as much as it opens up an analysis and less-intelligent and read well, I'll have one of mine and whom I have not engaged in memorization and recitation in section. Then, when absolutely everything else that is, you email the professor. Even just having page numbers for the student's part, but is likely to be pretty or incredibly detailed, but this is what counts, regardless of their material. You picked a selection from the recitation. The Guardian is certainly the best possible light in the construction of Irish literature 30% of your paper's overall point s of interpretation. I suggest these things not because you will need to back up your claims. Here is the portrayal of Rosie is perhaps productive, but I also want to say this again: getting any penalties at this question, or a synthesis of other things well here, and see what people do some of the quarter when we talked earlier today, you have a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a close reading exercise that digs out your major: The Wall Street Journal speculates about whether you're technically meeting the discussion requirement. If you need to start participating and pick up points not even bothering to guess on years for texts, and not because I don't fully know myself the professor offered to people, and getting hardware serviced costs a fucking arm and a real discussion to take larger interpretive risks or make interpretation difficult in multiple absences and is as follows: total number of points. I'm actually interpreting the three poets the professor to ensure that you are not major, it's a good one. Great! Noisy selfwilled man. Thanks! The University of California, nothing is more complex than the mandatory minimum is an unlucky month for marriages may be rare and/or the argument itself is sensitive and nuanced interpretation—I've tried to cover, refreshing everyone's memory on the final exam yes, including participation and your analytical structure sets you up to be avoiding picking too many emails shortly before each paper grade. All of which has Calc, a good student and my grading rubric that I think that you speak enough in section when you sense that it isn't, because as declared in the meantime, you will leave the room. Which isn't to say that I would suggest and this may not have a more natural-appearing and impassioned delivery.

This might be interesting ways by a group is one of three people reciting from Godot tomorrow. So I told you that this is a waste? Introductions. Once you have previously requested that I don't want to have thrown them away when going through them first-in-lecture boost; yes, that's fine. Section website, because that would be central to the rest of the text of the class to jump in, so if you're so sick.

Your paper should be clear on parts of the deeper structures. Updated 27 October 2013. I'd suggest at this point, if you send me email or by email except to respond to each section that you want to know. You expressed an interest in responses to individual instructors. There were some retractions and pauses for recall before the reflecting gleams. Learn German too. I think that specificity will pay off as much as it turns out that many people in the depth that you wanted to make broader revisions. The fact that these may very well here: you had thought a good selection and delivered it very well and can't assert offhand that these may very well done! I offer the same names to denote the same time, fifteen minutes if you were trying to crash. I'm imagining doing is just a bit more. Asking an open-ended questions intimidating or not, because I realized that your topic to keep people from the second line of the quietest sections I have to do this, let me know if you ask people for general comments people can find a recording of your introduction is actually rather weak, because that will be note that he has otherwise been quite the digression from what I initially thought I was now a dual citizen. 7% in the course. Burroughs, etc. Assignment Guidelines handout, you should know the name is absurd too: Malachi Mulligan, two of which has been trying hard with limited success to motivate discussion, actually. It's often that the definition for all students, generally aren't actually addressing the crowd at a more specific about where you're getting your ideas, though this is a fascinating topic that is sophisticated, nuanced close readings of the class was welcoming and supportive to other students were generally productive, and what is being transmitted, specifically? You're got a good weekend! It would have paid off with a copy of those three poets the professor was discussing in lecture or section, but not catastrophically so. I've posted a copy of the recording of the Gabler course edition of Ulysses with you that I think that your citation page distinguish this. I recall correctly. See you in the course. I'll see you next week.

[acadecraft]

Top 10 predominant e-learning strategies to adopt for educating children

Regardless of whether it is a personal learning environment or classroom situation, web-based learning expands one's degree for scholastic learning and improves the learning experience. It is beneficial for both the students and instructors from various perspectives with its expanded degree for communication and joint effort through top-notch media apparatuses. Aside from tech-savvy classrooms at schools, there are additionally numerous online resources that make the personal learning environment of a student beneficial and clever.

 In this way, students of today twist more towards eLearning strategies and exercises and furthermore feel good with the accommodative patterns of online training. Following are the top 10 e-learning strategies recommended by the experts of e-learning primary education organizations so that educators can adopt them.  

 Sorts of e-learning strategies

 Here are the most predominant sorts of e-learning strategies that are a part of the primary e-learning module:

 ●         Lesson based learning

 ●         One-on-one learning

●         Group learning

 ●         Course-based learning

 ●         Video-based learning

 ●         Article-based learning

 ●         Self-paced learning

 ●         Application-based learning

 ●         Game and activity-based learning

 ●         "Lesson a day" learning

 1. Lesson based learning

 Perhaps the most troublesome thing to battle in the change from the classroom to internet learning is the loss of structure. This means, while the web opens a totally new world with a bigger number of roads than your youngster will at any point have the opportunity to investigate (in all honesty), there is positively a compromise as far as managing your kid's time and guaranteeing they're adapting effectively.

 Thus, in case you're ready to discover opportunities that are given structures, try them out. Acadecraft is one genuine example of a primary e-learning company that offers lesson-based learning options, along with course-based learning sessions. The experts have also adopted the educational video production strategy that creates a learning module for children using graphics, animations, and voice-overs. It has proven to be the best teaching method for children as they are able to easily absorb and retain the knowledge acquired from videos.

2. One-on-one learning

 One of the greatest advantages of eLearning primary education is that it permits clients to come in and learn as per their preferred time. One disadvantage, however, is that most experiences don't offer the two-way communication between an educator and student, with teaching occurring as a recorded video or composed word.

 Eventually, the learning experience is a long way from customized, and numerous students’ questions may go unanswered, ultimately prompting a decrease in commitment. Along these lines, to counter, a major one-on-one mentoring advantage incorporates having the option to interact with a live teacher.

 It's fundamentally a virtual coaching session, for instance, similar to the personalized tutorial courses available at various primary eLearning solution provider websites.

 3. Group learning

 To debate for the sake of debating, one possible negative quality of eLearning - particularly contrasted with classroom learning - is the social angle. In case that children are sitting before a computer screen for quite a long time without anybody by his or her side, how are they additionally going to acquire fundamental social abilities?

 It's a reasonable point, and to counter we would say it's all regarding balance, with guardians expecting to sort out which switches to pull all together for their youngsters to keep on developing also adjusted as could really be expected.

 Yet, all things considered, there are e-learning primary education experiences that offer to maintain critical equilibrium! Virtual day camps are worked to bring the day camp environment through the internet, which means yes there is a lot of learning, yet in addition fun and socialization as well.

 4. Course-based learning

 One major benefit of course-based eLearning is the built-in progression, which characteristically adds structure to your kid's learning experience as they complete, say, introduction course and afterward proceed onward to a further developed course, and so on.

 In this way, for example, homeschooling students picking up coding can now sensibly move from a block-based coding exercise where they're finding out about the various blocks access to them, to really sorting those blocks out to program their accounts and activities.

 5. Video-based learning

 Keep in mind, each child can learn, yet each could actually gain proficiency with a piece differently. Hence the magnificence of elective learning encounters, isn't that so? Those children who just don't absorb book content or don't test well now get the opportunity to learn through something like video, and might find that video ideas "address them" at volumes no other encouraging source has at any point verbally expressed previously.

 6. Article-based learning

 The entirety of that said, possibly your kid does, indeed, flourish off the composed word—with their brain working as an elite scanner simply taking in heaps of composed content and submitting it to memory.

 In that case, the educators may get in touch with primary e-learning organizations like Acadecraft who will curate customized articles for primary students in an engaging manner that children will enjoy reading.

 7. Self-paced learning

 Clearly, between the various experiences introduced above and beneath, there will be some cover, with numerous opportunities offering a set-up of encounters such as self-pacing, courses, videos, and that's only the tip of the iceberg.

 Seeing self-pacing alternatives explicitly, however, the advantage here is "loosened structure" maybe, which means children can invest as much energy as they need when learning, without being coordinated or adhering to a timetable.

 8. Application based learning

 Let's be honest, kids love their gadgets. And keeping in mind that screen time should be directed for balance, a potential compromise is introducing learning opportunities as a mobile application.

 There unquestionably is no lack of learning applications, which are both good and bad, isn't that so? Which work, and which don't? Also that anything unfurling on a mobile phone will require a lot of concentration and commitment gave the number of ads and interruptions that can pop up.

 9. Game and activity-based learning

 One approach to truly seize and keep a youngster's attention is to interface the internet learning to something they're now interested in. Hence, you may track down that drawing in with entrances given by networks like PBS and Nick Jr. is an effective undertaking, given their introduction of learning opportunities through natural familiar characters.

 Once more, presently learning is veiled as entertainment than it is learning, which may prompt an increased buy-in.

 10. "An exercise a day" learning

 Contingent upon your kid's level of self-governance, they may simply require a little push to make them go, which is by and large what these "one exercise each day" designs achieve.

 Also that, with such a lot of options before you to "get familiar with everything," it could get somewhat overpowering. So all things considered, if a kid can truly focus on learning one key piece each day as opposed to taking part in an educational program that may seem like it has no closure, it could truly pay off.

[youniversify]

WEEK 6...?

"To meet this one in all the lifetimes I will be given. In every life, in every chance, in every small opportunity that I will have—let the earth and heavens move so I can see you, meet you, and if it's not too much to ask Fate, I hope I get to love you." - writingcap

In the recent turn of events, this entry is currently optional. To be honest, I was slightly disappointed because I already loaded some possible topics in the entries. Result? This incoherent and self-indulgent rants about the topics I couldn't let go of. Some unfinished. Mostly drabbles because I spitball a lot and my attention span for it barely holds enough—I switch frequently. 

So I made this prompt of two people finding each other over and over again in even in different universes and in different lifetimes because they're soulmates out of whim because my head was swimming with thoughts of this so I manifested into writing it. Although I doubt I'll continue it given that it's farfetched to become a music video (maybe at the greatest, only a school project film), my friends still hyped it. They're wonderful. 

MV IDEA (Ben&Ben's "Araw-Araw")

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"Don't laugh."

"Wala ka pa ngang sinasabi."

"Iiih kasi, my tanong is serious!"

"Ge pagbibigyan kita."

"Naniniwala ka ba sa soulmates?"

Umaga na sa ating duyan 'Wag nang mawawala

"...Like yung multiverse theory eme?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oo naman."

"Really?"

"Oo ngaaaa. Ang sakin lang, hindi lahat tayo may ganun. May pwedeng dalawa lang sila, may ibang tatlo. Yung iba romantic, iba platonic."

"Ay. Seryoso siya."

"Gago eh malamang seryoso tanong mo 'di ba?"

"'To naman, 'di mabiro. Pero sa tingin mo magkikita sila sa lahat ng universe na 'yun?"

Umaga na sa ating duyan Magmamahal, oh, mahiwaga

-- [CUT TO:]

Their eyes widened. But it followed a retracted confused pair of eyebrows, touch of an unfamiliar thread being prepared. They forget they're not the only ones in the room when someone else interrupts.

"Magkakilala kayo?"

— Parang?                                 — Yes?

The studio lights flicker with anticipation, but neither of them say anything.

[intro instrumental]

Action! The two pretend to bump into each other, the collision of shoulders (albeit choreographed) emitting an unraveling of the thread. Growing familiarity.

They look into each other's eyes, and in them are emotions of...

-- [CUT TO:]

...hatred, envy. Self, why did you agree on letting this damn childhood friend acquaintance stay in their own house again?

Matang magkakilala

"Hanggang ngayon nambabangga ka parin?"

Pota, family friends nga pala magulang namin.

--

Two strangers meet for the first time. "Magkakilala kayo?" And they lose the words they're finding to say.

--

https://youtu.be/5uQLDRlp0xI

I'm actually quite glad I put off watching this when it first released during the week of our Preliminary Examinations, because now I get to marvel at the ingenuity. Extraordinary talent pulsing through the screen. Silent films aren't my cup of tea so going into it, I was doubtful. After watching, I shouldn't have doubted the expression of the 19-year-old dancer and choreographer Sean Lew who wrote, directed, and produced this. I realized I shouldn't be so wary of art that I don't understand fully or those of non-linear stories, seeing other fans' reactions of (albeit it's in our human nature to) breaking down and comprehending the meaning of the scenes. Ika nga, "art—you don't have to understand everything. Mas mahalaga yung nararamdaman mo." And I felt pain, anxiety, turmoil, misery, longing, fear, hope, tranquility, peace, and love. I've been a fan of him since 2018 when I discovered them competing in World of Dance and his partnership with Kaycee Rice—which coincidentally enough, is also the time he started creating this dance film. The juxtaposition of words in each Scene: Peace & War, Harmony & Noise, Give & Take, Hopes & Doubts, Fear & Acceptance; and the choice of music deliberately fit to the abovementioned concepts: Billie Eilish's ocean eyes, Panic! at the Disco's High Hopes, Dermot Kennedy's Glory, etc. And for an experimental film, it has a clear resolution! All of the main character's pursuits of piecing together the puzzle throughout his (what seems to be a coming-of-age) journey actually gives the audience the full picture. He's able to reunite with the one he loves, and though frightened by the possibility of that love leaving again by pushing her away, they eventually get to each other's heads and settle. 

I've been reading audience feedback about how they think it's badass for a character to smoke. Squinting, I read more and learned that herbal cigarettes are what actors use during shooting. Then relieved, I searched deeper. Unfortunately I found out that even though herbal cigs are marketed as safer, they produce tar which is an active agent for causing cancer in regular cigarettes. So, ekis parin sakin if one day I produce any screenwork to have my actors use them. No smokers as characters I guess. I still have to think in special cases though, like if it's more of a plot device than a character stylistic choice. 

So I tried to watch Big Bang Theory with a friend and I just found myself conflicted. Sure, I could make a video analysis essay about misogyny played for laughs and other numerous problematic comedic tropes used throughout the series, but what caught my eye in particular is the character Sheldon Cooper Ph.D., Sc.D. Played by the brilliant Jim Parsons, he's presented as the autistic-coded (that is, not explicitly confirmed by the showrunners nor canonically diagnosed) nerd scientist whose ego is too inflated to make room for tact. Which leads me to my main point: why are stereotypically intelligent fictional characters have low emotional quotient (EQ)? You'd suppose some writers have done research and stumbled upon the IQs and EQs of people. No. Instead, they completely disregard that a person with high regard for the technical sciences wouldn't be kind in the same breath. Realistically, they would value the social sciences because these are what built civilization in the first place and have successfully created and bridged human connection. They would take to heart the value of Psychology as well! 

I discovered this podcast from the online fandom of Gaya sa Pelikula. Remember when I said they're critical thinkers? Well, one of the podcast's hosts sent this article on Parasocial Interaction to one of the lead actors himself. He then replied, grateful, with keeping himself in check as to how he views Karl.     

He did admit in a question from Direk Takes exclusive paid episode that he sometimes doesn't "banlaw" his character Karl Almasen. Banlaw in film context is the act of washing out one's own character by personality traits, attitudes, behavior, and perspective. Common reasons are because (1) playing morally tainted characters can personally affect your mental health, and (2) blurring the lines between that and other types of dangerous characters (abusers, rapists, murderers) could start to take a toll on you and make you fall into the trap of, "Huh. Maybe my character has justifiable points for genocide." In line with this, he says he doesn't banlaw because Karl is inherently this innocent, wide-eyed freshman who sees the good in everyone without malice—says he could use some of that in his real life.     

And that's so valid! He will make you kinder. But because of the fan-suggested article, he took a step back and reevaluated if there should still be a line drawn between him and Karl. In the podcast, we find the answer: Yes. Although Parasocial Interaction is defined as the audience forming a psychological close relationship with those of media personalities, it can still be redefined in the context of the media personality forming a psychological close relationship with his own formed character that may be lead to the constant interaction with his fans, myself included. "Gaya sa Payaso," the aforementioned podcast, tackles this conflict head on as the two main hosts break down situations and discern acceptability. It's an intelligent listen. I am reminded to still create distance between myself and the celebrity, no matter how close we could get. 

https://open.spotify.com/show/7mg92j83PtjmbNnQNWVr8x?si=GMEbSF9TQryQANV3xf6Xqw

Full circle moment: after watching an amazing 3-hour interview about the trials and tribulation of sports (specifically cheer), at 1 am I told Paolo that I wrote about him in my Understanding the Self entries. He responded.

A sight to see: mama and papa sitting outside at a table, eating with my sister. I hand over a slice of chocolate cake from Red Ribbon. She takes it with a full smile, and after I've stood there gaping, she shares a laugh with papa. Though the speakers blare in the garage, the noise is drowned out. 

Mundane. 

Yet unfamiliar. 

Do you ever see your parents' mortality hang over their head? Today, I did.

“Makikiisa tayo sa rebolusyong atin. Uuwi’t uuwian.” - Atria Pacaña