#in fairness i only wasn’t crying at it back then because i was about eleven

[cowboyslikedean]

my mothers favourite story to tell people is the time she was sitting on the t-party couch between scott and andrea and she told andrea that The Best Day made her cry and andrea laughed and said it made her cry too and recounted the whole story of how taylor surprised her with it from her perspective and like anyway it’s been over twelve years and taylor just told the same story to a thrice sold out stadium and i’m the one crying now

[lokidips]

How would loki react if he had an accident infornt of anyone :<

apologies anon, this turned from an imagine to a short fic. I hope this is okay <3

thank you for sending this in!!

Set in New Asgard, AU everyone lives

1425 words. age regression, mentioned diapers, accidents

The meeting wasn’t supposed to go so long. It was only set from eleven to eleven-thirty, but it was well into one now. Loki wouldn’t be bothered by this if it weren’t for the fact that it was almost ten minutes past his usual nap time, and he was beginning to feel quite sleepy. He had kicked Thor’s leg under the table a few times to remind him, but his big brother had leaned over a moment later and quietly told him to be patient. Which wasn’t fair at all, in his opinion. He didn’t even want to be here in the first place, the only reason he was, was because Thor didn’t want to leave him at home alone. And if he was honest, he didn’t like being alone, so that was a welcome decision, he just wished they had fun jobs to do, instead of sitting here for ages listening to old men talk about selling fish.

He had been woken quite rudely this morning too. Thor had slept in and therefore so had Loki. He had been shaken awake, quickly dressed and ushered out the bedroom for toast on the go. Not even a bottle, which he hadn’t detested openly only because he had been too dazed to comprehend what was happening. He had asked why Brunnhilde couldn’t just babysit him, but she was at the meeting too, sitting right across from him. When he had been twisting his spinny chair back and forth, she had smiled at him and lifted a finger to her lips. The chair was a bit too squeaky.

Someone began to raise their voice from across the table and it startled Loki, where he was trying to sit still. He felt strangely wriggly, he supposes he was quite bored. The shouting continued with several people joining in, before Brunnhilde shouted over the top of them to be quiet. Loki sighed in relief. He was starting to get cranky too, today hadn’t gone very nicely. He tried not to be grumpy with Thor, because he knew running a village was hard, but he just wished it didn’t have to ruin his morning.

Loki glanced over at his older brother. He looked a bit cranky as well, maybe they could both have a nap!

He shifted again in his seat, before he froze.

Why—?

Why was he wet? He had a nappy on, didn’t he? That wasn’t right. The nappy usually wicked away any wetness, Thor never let him get uncomfortable if he could help it. He glanced down and barely contained a startled squeak. He was soaked.

Oh no. Thor had forgotten! Loki remembered now. He had gotten out of his nighttime nappy, but Thor must have been in such a rush that he had forgotten to get him into a fresh daytime one. How was he going to hide this? What if the meeting went on for hours more and he had sit here. He was probably already getting a rash.

He bit down on his bottom lip when it started to tremble and folded his hands in his lap, to hide his accident and to resist sucking his thumb. He scooted his chair closer to the table.

Would Thor be mad? No, no that wouldn’t make sense. Loki had had accidents when he refused to wear a diaper and he hadn’t been angry, surely he wouldn’t when he hadn’t even realised he was without one.

Brunnhilde was looking at him now, but Loki was too scared to look up from the table. He was trying really hard not to cry. All he wanted was his pacifier and to curl up in Thor’s bed, it was warm there and his wet pants were starting to grow cold.

At the corner of his eye, he watched Brunnhilde lean over to Thor and whisper something, before returning to her seat and calling for the council’s attention.

Loki felt a tap on his arm and forced himself to look up and meet Thor’s eye. He didn’t look angry, he look worried. Thor leant in closer to whisper, “are you alright?”

Once, Loki may have lied and said yes. Now though, he knew Thor wanted him to be honest, not convenient. He could feel himself slipping more and more and he was starting to feel really yucky. Loki shook his head. No, he wasn’t alright.

Thor just frowned and ran a hand over Loki’s arm, before leaning back to say something to Brunnhilde, who was wrapping the meeting up. Council members were starting to stand and leave the room. Brunn stood too and seemed to be ushering them out with more vigour this time. Loki felt his shoulders begin to sag with both relief and exhaustion.

Thor left his chair to stand over Loki and pass words with the people leaving, all while keeping a hand firm on Loki’s shoulder.

When they had all finally left the room, Thor immediately crouched down to Loki’s level and pinned him with a searching gaze. Loki didn’t like it and looked back at the table.

“Loki?”

His vision was beginning to blur, and he knew he was pouting in an attempt to not cry. But it was pointless, everyone was gone and he just wanted—he wanted Thor.

He let out a sob and brought up a fist in a futile attempt to wipe away the tears that began to cascade down his flushed cheeks.

“Hey, hey,” he heard Thor say, before he was pulled sideways in a hug. It was nice and warm, but he was still wet and cold. He cried harder, not at all perturbed when Brunnhilde sidled back into the room. A hand rubbed up his back.

“I didn’t think a missed nap would upset you so much,” Thor said, his voice rumbling through his chest pleasantly. But that wasn’t it! Loki let out an exceptionally loud wail to get across his discontent.

“Thor, you might want to get him up.”

There was a pause, before Loki was hefted to his feet by hands under his armpits. He opened his eyes and watched as Thor and Brunnhilde took him in. Simultaneous realisation passed through both their faces, and Loki may have laughed it weren’t for how keenly aware he was of how his jeans stuck to his legs. He kept his arms held high at his shoulders, as if he could distance himself from his own mess.

“Oh, Loki… I’m so sorry.”

At the sound of Thor’s sympathy and guilt, Loki began to wail and sob in earnest.

He was pulled into strong arms again, and the large hand returned to his back. They stayed like that for a short while, but it didn’t take long for Loki to grow fussy and start tugging at his pants. Perhaps if he could just get them off…

Thor pulled his hands away gently, before pulling off his own sweater. “Not yet brother, we need to get you home.” He tugged the sweater over Loki’s head. It was too big and hung over his fingers and almost came down to his knees. It hid his accident, he realised. Thor was very smart, he concluded in that moment, even if he forgot Loki’s diaper that morning.

“You can go out the back door,” Brunnhilde said to their left. Loki almost jumped, he had forgotten she was there. “Away from the people’s eyes.” Loki watched Thor nod, before he started to gather the papers on the table. Brun grabbed them from his hands, however.

“I’ll take care of those, you focus on Loki.” She turned to Loki then, giving him an uncharacteristically soft smile and running a hand through his hair before she turned on her heel and headed out the door.

Thor took his hand and headed straight for the opposite door, the one that lead to the back of the village. Brunnhilde was really smart too, he realised as they stepped outside and began their trek up the hill to their cabin.

There was no one on this side of the village, only the occasional rabbit, so Loki finally put his thumb between his teeth.

Loki sniffled and turned to look up at Thor.

“T’or?”

“Hm?”

“Boddle n’ na’?” He asked around his thumb. Thor chuckled and turned to give Loki a smile. Loki liked his big brother’s smile.

“Yeah, Lo. A bottle and a nap, just for you.”

Loki smiled back.

“As soon as you have a bath and get a nappy on.”

He couldn’t argue with that, not this time.

[hbyrde36]

Life is a Game (and True Love is a Trophy)

Chapter 8

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 ao3 link

*Steve*

As soon as Steve set foot back into the trailer, Eleven launched herself at him. He wrapped his arms around her instinctively, feeling the way her body shook subtly under his grip.

Shit. 

He hadn’t thought about how it would feel for her to watch him walk right out of the house after Eddie, leaving her behind with total strangers after everything they’d been through. He suspected her reaction wasn’t only about him either. Eddie meant something to her, even if he didn’t remember, and she had been so little when they’d last been together. It didn’t change the fact that she had found this person again who she’d thought was dead for so long, and then he ran away. 

“I’m so sorry, El. I didn’t even think. I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

She shook her head as best she could, while remaining tightly pressed to his chest. “It’s okay. I’m glad you went after him. He needed you. I just got scared.”

Steve’s eyes flitted to the kitchen where Chief Hopper now sat sipping coffee with Claudia, the man having arrived while he and Eddie were outside. He was sure that the sudden appearance of a cop had spooked El too. 

Steve pulled back a little from their hug so he could look her in the eye. “Still, I'm sorry. I’ll always come back to you, no matter what happens, I promise. We’re going to be okay. We’ll keep each other safe, and we’ll keep Eddie safe too.”

“How?”

“I haven't quite figured that part out yet, kiddo, but I believe in us.”

El cracked a weak smile. “Me too.”

He walked with her back over to join Dustin on the couch. The poor kid couldn’t stop staring at her, as if he couldn’t believe she was real. 

Which was fair. 

Dustin was also practically vibrating with the need to ask questions, but when he did finally speak, it was only out of concern for his cousin. 

“Is Eddie going to be ok?” He asked.

“Yea, buddy, He’ll be okay. It’s just a lot.” Steve said, trying his best to sound reassuring. He wasn’t sure he knew Eddie well enough to make that kind of assumption, but he did know for his own part, that he would do everything he could to make it true.

Dustin nodded like he understood. “Thank you for helping him. I know how Eddie looks, and how he can come off sometimes, but he’s a lot more sensitive than people give him credit for.”

They all looked up as Eddie and his uncle reentered the trailer. Steve met Eddie's gaze for a moment over the short distance of the room. His eyes were a little bloodshot, as if he’d been crying again, and Steve wished that they could let it all be, at least for the day. 

He wanted to give Eddie a break to try to process everything that had happened so far before piling on, but Hopper was there now for whatever reason, and there was still so much that they needed to talk about. Not to mention the ever looming threat of another attack on El from One.

Eddie glared at Hopper for a moment before addressing his Uncle. “You wanna tell me what he’s doing here?”

Wayne let out a long suffering sigh. “Jim’s known about you since the beginning, son. He helped to hide you and supplied us with the paperwork and whatever else we needed to sell our story and get you enrolled in school.”

It was apparent that knowing all that didn’t change Eddie's feelings towards the man at all. He scowled as Hopper approached. Steve got the sense that there was history between the two of them, and clearly not all of it good. 

“I know you’ve never trusted me, kid.” Hopper began. “And I'm sure that’s worse now because I tried to stop you from looking for Harrington here, but you have to know now that it was all for your own good. We couldn’t risk the wrong people noticing what you were up to and accidentally putting the pieces together.”

What? 

Steve’s heart started to pound as he stared at the side of Eddie’s face. “You looked for me?” 

“Oh yeah, he broke into your old house to investigate and everything” Wayne supplied with a wink, nudging his nephew’s shoulder.

Eddie’s cheeks turned red. 

“Wayne!” He hissed, finally turning his head to look at Steve with a sheepish smile. All he could do was stare back in amazement, because Eddie had been looking for him. This sweet guy, who barely knew him, had cared enough to not only wonder what had happened, but actively tried to find out. It did occur to Steve that it might not mean anything, and could have had more to do with El and the latent powers Eddie likely had that they were yet to really speak on, but for now he chose to believe that maybe it could mean something.

Eddie’s smile fell abruptly as he gave his attention back to Hopper. ”Wait, why would looking for him have put me in danger?”

The answer came to Steve in an instant, and he couldn’t stop from blurting it out at the chief. “You knew I was at the lab.”

Hopper squeezed his eyes shut and slowly nodded, guilt coming off of him in waves. “I didn’t know right away, it was a few weeks before I put the pieces together. Ultimately it was the security footage from that diner you went to that confirmed it for me. As you can imagine, after Eddie came along I did a little digging into Hawkins Lab to try and figure out what was going on there. I didn’t get very far before I was asked by an old military contact to drop it. Actually, I was told to mind my own fucking business, or else, but I did learn a thing or two along the way about the man in charge, Dr. Brenner. I recognized him on that tape, and when I saw you two leave with him, I figured I had my answer.”

Eddie’s eyes grew dark as he got up in Hopper’s face. “You son of a bitch! You knew he was there all this time and you didn’t do anything about it?!” What kind of cop are you?!”

Without hesitation, Steve stepped between them, lightly placing his hands on the other boy’s shoulders. 

“Eddie, stop. It’s okay. He couldn’t have gotten me out of there anyway. Not without getting himself killed. You don’t know what it’s like in that place. I’m glad you don’t remember. Part of me hopes you never remember because you deserve so much better than having grown up in that hell hole. I wouldn’t have wanted him to risk exposing you, they have to know you’re out there somewhere. I know it’s been years but these people don’t give up that easily.” 

Eddie’s eyes had gone soft again as Steve spoke, but he didn’t say anything. Steve wondered briefly if he had overstepped. He didn't think so, but it was hard to tell what Eddie was thinking.

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Hopper said, drawing their attention again. “More sorry than I can say. How’d you manage to get out?”

Steve gave them all a quick but detailed description of their escape, ending with running into Eddie at Skull Rock. He hesitated to mention the attack on El, not ready to get into that quite yet. He wanted to hear more about Eddie’s dreams, and this game he and the kids had been playing first. He had a feeling that Vecna, as Eddie had called him, was Henry/One, but he couldn’t be sure so he brushed past it, saying that something had gone wrong in the lab that day. El looked at him questioningly but said nothing, and neither Eddie or Wayne brought up that none of it explained why she’d been covered in blood.

“That’s amazing!” Dustin exclaimed when it was all done. He turned to Eddie. “And you just happened to be there at Skull Rock, what are the odds! What were you doing there anyway?”

Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know really, your dumb list probably put the idea in my head.”

“No, it’s gotta have something to do with your powers.”

Eddie stiffened, but tried to play it off. “Who said anything about powers?”

Dustin continued, oblivious to Eddie’s discomfort. “Well, it’s like our game, right? El can move stuff with her mind.” He said, waving a hand in the girl’s direction.

“What game?” Hopper asked, though his question went ignored.

“Yes.” El answered, raising her palm towards the coffee table and the several very breakable mugs that sat on its surface. Steve quickly reached out to push her arm down. “You don’t have to demonstrate sweetie.” He said. 

Dustin glared at Steve, betrayed at being denied the opportunity to see Eleven in action, before returning to his argument with Eddie. “How else would you have known about El and the lab? Boom! Powers.”

The kid wasn’t wrong, but his tone left something to be desired. 

“Don’t get cocky.” Eddie muttered. “It’s probably just subconscious memories or some shit.”

Steve caught Eddie’s eye and they shared a look. They both knew it wasn’t memories, but he wouldn’t push if Eddie wasn’t ready to deal with it yet. 

This kid, however, was stubborn and had no such misgivings.

“No, that doesn’t make sense. You knew about El’s escape in ‘83! That didn’t happen until way after mom…” Dustin trailed off.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas.

“Oh. My. God. Are the demogorgons real too? And demodogs? Is the whole Upside-Down real?!” His face went through a complicated series of emotions, caught for a split second between glee at the idea that the world was suddenly far more magical than he realized, and horror, because, monsters.

“Demo-whats?” Hopper asked.

Dustin flapped a hand dismissively in his direction. “The monsters from our game.”

“WHAT GAME?!” Hopper bellowed.

The room fell quiet, finally giving the Chief the attention he wanted following his outburst. 

It was Eddie who broke the silence, taking the lead to explain. “There’s a game that the boys and I play, we, uh, well, it’s hard to explain. To make a very long story short, some of the things I thought I made up for the game are apparently... real.”

Hopper looked skeptical. “Like what?” 

“Eleven, for starters.” Eddie began. “The whole thing about the lab and her escaping? That was in there. It’s like..” He paused to think, and made a waffling motion with his hand. “We blended fantasy and reality, right? So we each play a version of ourselves, and all the other non-player characters are modeled after other people.”

Eddie’s eyes flicked to Steve right before he covered his face with his hands.

“God, this is so embarrassing. If I ever thought I’d have to explain any of this to other people…”

Steve couldn't bear to see Eddie spiraling again, so he tried to be supportive. “How bad could it be?”

Eddie raised his eyebrows and Steve almost laughed at himself. It had been a morning full of bad things and big revelations, so maybe that hadn’t been the smartest thing to say. Still, he needed to know.

“It could be important, who knows what else you picked up on that might turn out to be true or real?”

“I have notes for every part of the campaign so far but...” Eddie chewed nervously on his bottom lip.

“But?” Steve prompted.

Eddie blew out a long breath. “Fuck, I guess theres no way around this. You’re all in it.”

“Including you, Steve. You're one of the main characters besides the boys and El. You have been pretty much since the beginning. I’m sorry, I know that’s weird.”

It probably shouldn't have been such a surprise, what with everything else that had gone on so far, but Steve was shocked. A warmth blossomed in his chest at the idea.

“Don’t be sorry. That’s really cool.” Steve assured him.

Eddie’s mouth dropped open.

“Wait, really?”

Steve shuffled his feet, hoping that it didn’t show on his face just how pleased he was to know that Eddie had spent a significant part of the past two years thinking about and creating something that involved him.

“Yeah, it’s sort of flattering actually.”

Eddie grinned shyly and Steve couldn’t look away. 

Wayne loudly cleared his throat. “As sweet as this is to watch, boys, maybe you should go get those notes you were talking about, Ed.”

Eddie’s face went beet red, and he stomped off down the hall without a word. He returned quickly, with a noticeable blush still coloring his cheeks. He walked straight past Hopper, who was looking at him expectantly, and handed the short stack of notebooks to Steve before plopping down on the couch, trying not to look at anyone. 

Claudia got up abruptly, gathering her purse as she spoke. “Come on Dusty, we have to get going if you're going to make it to school on time.” The woman had been quiet for so long, Steve almost forgot she was there.

“Mom, are you crazy?” Dustin shouted. “We just found out that monsters are real. There's no way I'm going to school today!”

She opened her mouth to argue, but Hopper beat her to the punch.

“Oh yes you are. I don’t know anything about this monster stuff, but I do know a thing or two about the very real threat to all of us that is Hawkins lab. The best thing everyone can do for now to protect this whole... situation, is to go on about your lives as normal as possible, and do not draw attention to yourselves.” The last part was aimed at Eddie who pretended to ignore them all, suddenly fascinated with the hem of his own t-shirt. 

Dustin floundered. “Does Eddie have to go to school?” 

“Absolutely not.” Eddie said, finally looking up to glare at his cousin.

Hopper looked like he was going to protest that too, but then thought better of it and shrugged. “Eddie skips class enough that not attending school is just as normal as if he were to go.”

“Is that true, boy?” Wayne huffed.

“Unbelievable.” Eddie mumbled before getting up to open the door and usher everyone who wasn’t staying outside. “Okay Hop, well thanks for stopping by, don’t you have a job to get to - CHIEF?!”

Dustin begrudgingly agreed to leave with promises that he’d be back right after school to continue talking about this, and followed Hopper outside to the cars. Claudia hesitated in the doorway, smiling up at Eddie with shining eyes.

“I have never for one second regretted getting you out of that place and bringing you home. It’s the best thing I've ever done, right up there with having my little Dusty. You bring light into all of our lives and I'm so proud to call you family. I love you, honey.” She pinched his cheek and left.

Steve hung back, feeling like an intruder on the private moment happening so close by, but he couldn’t help listening. He was just so in awe of these people, of this unconventional family brought together by sheer chance, who’d protected a little boy no questions asked and loved each other so fiercely. 

Wayne yawned loudly. “Okay, kids, I'm gonna head to bed now before I keel over.”

“You’re not going to give me shit about skipping school?” Eddie asked.

“If you really think that’s the first I've heard of it then you’re thicker than I thought. I wasn’t born yesterday, I know what you get up to. I’m just happy that you stopped selling drugs before I was forced to knock some sense into you.”

Eddie balked. “You knew?!”

Wayne cackled as he turned the corner towards his bedroom.

“I would like to go back to bed too.” El said.

“You can take my bed again.” Eddie offered.

She looked at the two of them in turn. “Will you come with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

It was unthinkable to say no to her, so the three of them piled into Eddie's room. Eleven settled down on the bed and was out like a light almost immediately. At Eddie's insistence, Steve took the desk chair and readied himself for the task ahead, while the other boy paced and puttered around the room.

He wasn’t sure how long it took, but Steve read straight through all four notebooks without taking so much as a single break. It was riveting, the story that Eddie and his friends had weaved. He had already known a few of the parallels he was likely to find between his lived experience and the saga laid out before him, but it was so much more than he ever could have imagined. 

His heart broke all over again as he read about the three young boys finding Eleven in the woods, the same way he himself had done. He could remember with perfect clarity the fear that had shone in her eyes that first night, and how quickly he had come to the decision to take care of her as best he could, no matter the consequences. 

He noted the similarities between Eleven destroying the demogorgon at the school and thus saving the day in the big climax to the first part, and what he knew of her defeating the creature at the lab when they’d first been captured. It probably didn’t matter now, but he wondered if she really had gotten stuck in that other world for a while, and if that was part of why he hadn’t seen her for so long. She had never said, only told him she had needed a lot of rest afterwards. 

The second book came with more than one surprise. His own character, or ‘Game Steve’ as he was calling his doppelganger on the page, had gotten roped into helping Dustin search for an escaped creature that turned out to be a demodog. After a nail-biting confrontation in the junkyard with a small pack of the four-legged monsters, Game Steve cemented himself as the party’s babysitter and fierce protector. 

Steve was floored. He knew it was mostly make-believe, but still couldn’t believe anyone saw him like that, and he found his vision blurring more than once as he continued. 

He was intrigued by the reveal of Eleven, and how she had been off finding one of her escaped siblings and fellow numbers. He thought Eddie might have been trying to tell himself something with that little side-quest. 

They had already touched on the big battle with the demodogs in the basement of Hawkins lab while El closed the gate, and spoke a little about how it went down in both the real and fictional worlds. The scars on Steve’s back burned with the memory, and he allowed himself to skim that part, not wishing to fully relive the horror of that night when it wasn’t necessary. 

He started to take some notes of his own when it came to notebooks three and four. He had too many thoughts and questions to keep it all straight and things only got worse with the growing dread in his stomach as he neared the final pages.

There was no stopping the tears that fell in fat droplets to land on the back cover of the final black and white composition notebook when Steve was finished. His breath hitched as he finally lifted his gaze to look at Eddie, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, for the first time in what felt like hours. 

“Steve?” Eddie stood, hovering over him with concern. 

Steve didn't know where to start. He needed to tell Eddie about Henry, about Vecna. That he was real, that it was all too real, how he was now terrified at the possibility that Eddie had predicted his own death. But Steve couldn’t form the words. Not yet. His throat was tight with pain and panic. 

When he didn’t respond, Eddie knelt down on the floor in front of him, bringing them eye to eye as he reached out a cautious hand. He gently wiped the wetness from Steve’s face with a brush of his thumb. Steve couldn’t help sinking into the touch, too far gone to care what it might imply.

During all of those long and lonely nights at the lab, Steve had started to suspect some things about himself. He realized, beginning with that first time when he told stories of old school days to keep El company in her coma-like state, that any time he spoke about the past, he never failed to find a way to bring up Eddie. 

They hadn’t been friends, though Steve would have liked to be. They were from two completely different circles of people, only speaking on occasion, when chance or fate served to put them in a room together, or set them on the same path down the halls, however briefly. Though he hadn’t realized their meaning at the time, Steve came to cherish those memories, their short but friendly interactions, and the flutter he would feel in his stomach whenever he was fortunate enough to lay eyes on the other boy. 

Steve knew what it was now, and that crush had only grown exponentially in the past 24 hours as he learned about what sort of person Eddie was.

Everything he had just read served as a stark reminder that you never know how much time you have left with someone, or when the next disaster is going to strike. So, while this was most definitely not the right moment by any rational person’s estimation, Steve gave in to the urge to lean forward, crossing the short distance between them, and joined his mouth to Eddie’s in a soft kiss.

After the all-to-brief touch of lips, Eddie pulled back with a sharp intake of breath, his hand still resting on the side of Steve's face. They stared into each other's eyes from inches away and Steve’s heart hammered inside his chest as he fought hard not to panic. Eddie searched his face, and he longed to know what the other boy was looking for so he could show it to him. 

Steve swallowed hard, watching as Eddie’s eyes flicked down to track the bobbing of his throat. A soft whine came spilling out of Eddie’s mouth a split second before he crashed back into Steve. He smiled into the kiss and pulled Eddie up into his lap. He licked along the seam of Eddie's lips, asking permission, and was immediately granted entrance. Eddie opened wide for him and Steve let out a low moan, reveling in the feel of their tongues sliding against each other. 

Eleven rolled over and let out a loud snore from where she still rested on the bed, and they sprang apart, both remembering suddenly that they weren’t entirely alone. 

Steve covered his mouth to stifle the giggle that he couldn’t stop from coming, and was relieved to see Eddie's eyes sparkling with the same amusement. He quickly took Steve’s hand and pulled him to his feet. The pair tiptoed out of the room, quietly closing the door behind them. 

They only made it two steps away from the room before Eddie had him pinned to the wall, overwhelming his senses with lips and tongue. He bit and sucked at Steve's lower lip until his knees went weak and they finally pulled apart, panting. 

As they both caught their breaths, Eddie ran his fingers through Steve's hair and said, “Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?”

Steve frowned, paling as he recalled the reason he was so willing to throw caution to the wind. He slid down the wall to sit on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest to fit in the narrow hall. Eddie sat down next to him, close but not touching.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to kill the mood. We don’t have to talk about it, it’s...”

Steve reached over and took Eddie's hand, raising it to his lips to brush a light kiss over the back of it. He couldn’t let Eddie get the wrong idea, not for a second.

“I really like you.” Steve said.

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “Oh.” He breathed. “Well, In case it was unclear, the feeling is mutual.”

“I’m glad.” Steve said, giving Eddie’s hand a squeeze. “But, as much as I would love to spend the afternoon doing more of that, I need to tell you about...”

“Vecna?” Eddie guessed.

Steve dipped his head in a solemn nod. He wasn’t surprised that Eddie had figured it out, he was smart, despite what his history at school would reflect, and he paid attention.

“Among other things.” Steve said. “You had it right, about the hive mind. Everything from that place, the upside down, is connected. The possession? The way it controlled that guy in the third story? That happened to me. Owens got it out by blasting me with heat. You got that part right too, all of their strengths and weaknesses are as you said. I don’t know if the bats exist. I haven't even seen the other world for myself, but I'd be willing to bet they’re real.”

“And Vecna, is he..?”

“Alive? Yes. His name really is Henry and he was the first number, One. I don’t know his backstory to tell you if you got that right or not, but he is responsible for the deaths of the other kids. I was thinking about that. The day El fought with him and sent him into that other dimension, it has to be the same day that you escaped. The alarm would have been going off, just like Claudia said, and everyone would have been too distracted to see you slip away.”

Eddie jerked his hand back, leaning as far away from Steve as he could and wrapped his arms around himself. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered. 

“What could you possibly have to apologize for?”

“Don't you get it, Steve? That means I left her there. I ran, and I let her fight that monster all alone. I mean, I always suspected I was a coward but here's the cold hard proof.”

“No. Don’t do that to yourself.” Steve pleaded. “You were just a kid, and we don’t know what the circumstances were. All that matters now, is that you both made it, you survived. If you had stayed behind, who knows what would have happened.”

Eddie clenched his jaw, clearly still upset with himself, but trying. “What else?”

“Brenner let Eleven think she killed Henry, she felt horribly guilty about it for so long. I figured it out a few months ago, that they suspected he was still alive and that they were using El to find him. I told her what I thought, we figured it would be easy for her to avoid him now that she knew what she was looking for but..”

“He found her. That’s what really happened yesterday.” Eddie finished for him.

“Yes. How’d you know?”

“The blood, the way it looked like it had been dripping out of her eyes. It’s exactly how I pictured it.”  Eddie’s eyes glazed over a little as he spoke.

“You said the most recent campaign, the notes in that fourth book, that was all you, right?” Steve asked.

“Yeah.”

“I’m worried about how much hasn’t happened yet, and what parts might be real.”

Eddie hesitated.“...Shit, I hadn’t really thought about it like that.”

“Henry just made his first attack, there's no reason to assume it’s his last.”

“What do we do?”

Steve sighed, tilting his head back to thunk softly against the wall. “I think we need to bring them all in, everyone from your campaign who was affected by the Upside-Down. Especially Vecna’s victim’s. I think we should tell them. If it starts happening for real, it’s the only way we’ll have a chance to protect them. It’s up to you though, Eddie. You’d be exposed.”

“So would you and El.” Eddie pointed out.

Steve already knew what his sister would say. “I know.”

Eddie picked at a loose thread on the carpet, thinking. Finally he nodded to himself and looked at Steve. “I can’t let anyone die knowing I could have stopped it. I’m in.”

Together they formed a loose plan. Eddie would pick the boys up from school, they would be the easiest to convince and he might be able to gather Nancy and Jonathan on the way. Chrissy too if he could catch her on her way to cheerleading practice. They’d start there, and get the rest of the group, assuming they believed them, to help to bring the others into the fold. 

They sat there in the hallway for a long time, with Steve resting his head on Eddie's shoulder as they talked. Steve didn’t want to think about the lab, and instead told Eddie about the few months he and El had shared at his old house. He could feel himself smiling like an idiot at the fond memories. Eddie shared more about Dustin, and the boys, about school and his fears that he was going to fail and have to repeat senior year again. 

Eddie snaked an arm around Steve’s back, holding him close, and he found himself nodding off as they settled into a comfortable silence. Eventually, Eddie was forced to wake him, when it was almost time for him to drive to the school. 

Steve yawned and stretched, rolling his neck from side to side. He might be stiff from sleeping that way, but waking up in Eddie’s arms was something he thought he’d pay any price for. 

“Hopper’s not going to like this.” Steve pointed out as he walked with Eddie through to the living room.

“I know!” Eddie grinned. “All the more reason to do it.” 

Steve rolled his eyes, but returned the smile anyway. “What should I tell your uncle if he wakes up?”

Eddie shrugged. “Just tell him and I ran to the store for smokes or something. I won’t be long.”

Steve blinked at him. He didn’t like the idea of lying to the man who was currently putting a roof over his head. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Harrington. If you tell him the truth, he’ll call Hopper, and like you said he’ll hate our plan. In this case I think we’re better off asking forgiveness than permission.”

He couldn’t really argue that, so Steve just nodded. 

There was a moment of awkwardness at the door, neither boy ready to part yet, even temporarily, and not knowing how to say goodbye. Steve wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly they were hugging. Eddie placed a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, and then he was gone.

Chapter 9

Special thanks to @penny00dreadful for all your help once again! 😘

@steddie-there @yeahhhh-suga @goinsteddie @brbsoulnomming @the-s-is-silent @paintsplatteredandimperfect @estrellami-1 @herebedragons404 @epiclazershark @mentallyundone @hardboiledleggs @manda-panda-monium @ellietheasexylibrarian @sofadofax @5ammi90 @meccaminayah @bestwifehaver @eddie-munsons-lunchbox @soaringornithopter @buckleybarnes @adaed5

as always, let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tags! 💜

[collecting-stories]

Lover - JJ Maybank

Request: yes. Not sure where it is cause I lost it but the general request was the song Lover by Taylor Swift with JJ Maybank.

A/N: I didn’t want it to be like a word-for-word interpretation of the song more so the feeling of the song so that’s what I tried to do. Hopefully it worked.

TS Anthology Series | Outer Banks Masterlist

_ . ◦ ⭐︎:*.☾.*:⭐︎◦∙._

“Let’s get our own place,” JJ whispered, his shoulder digging gently into your back as you leaned toward him, as if you couldn’t hear what he said.

You could’ve just as easily pretended that you were still sleeping, undisturbed by the shrill ringing of your cousin’s alarm from the other room or the soft patter of footsteps as your dad moved around the kitchen. But you’d been up for the last half hour, your sleep interrupted by your niece crying, the sound not even slightly muted by the door that concealed her room.

“How?” You whispered back. Two sixteen year olds with limited income weren’t exactly promising homeowners.

“I don’t know,” he tilted his head to the side, letting it rest against the back of yours as he pulled the blanket further up on his side and feigned sleep.

You and JJ were in kindergarten when you met, first day in and you were already best friends. In third grade there was a lull, he met John B and your parents house was foreclosed on, moving you a little further into the Cut. Your grandparents modest three bedroom was old, built way back during WWI, “it used to be a farm” is what your granddad always said, as if it still was.

By fourth grade, when you and JJ started hanging out again, your aunt had moved in too. Her and her two kids, your parents and your three siblings. JJ would ride his bike down to your house and play with you and your family until it was too dark out to ride home and then your dad was throwing a sheet over the couch and offering him the last surface in the house to sleep on. The house, with its two bathrooms and three bedrooms, was almost always crowded. JJ was the only friend you let through the threshold, at eleven you already knew that most kids had bedrooms and their own clothes. Even JJ had his own room, his own bed.

By sixteen, if he wasn’t sleeping on the sofa in John B’s house then he was at yours, sharing a mattress with you on the living room floor because your sister had moved back home and one of her kids always took the couch.

“We could have our own room,” JJ proposed, still a whisper in the dark room as he thought more about the imagined place. Just above his head, at the top of your mattress, the branches of the family Christmas tree reached out, threatening to drop pine needles if you shifted the wrong way. At twelve, JJ had succeeded in taking the tree all the way down to the ground when a clap of thunder had woken him up two days before Christmas.

“Just the one?” you almost laughed.

“Why do we need two rooms?” He seemed genuinely unsure why you wouldn’t want to share a room.

For as long as you two had been friends, privacy hadn’t really been a thing that existed between you. And while neither of you had ever actually ‘made the first move’ it was generally accepted that you were together. Mostly because you were rarely apart.

“So we can be those bourgeoise kooks with ‘home offices’.” You joked, shifting around on your mattress to face him. “Or guest rooms that we decorate in white and blue nautical crap.”

“Two bedrooms then.”

You squinted in the dark, whether because you were trying to see him better or somehow see through him, you weren’t entirely sure. There wasn’t much to see in the dark, just the general shadow of JJ’s face close to yours, but you knew what he looked like enough that if you never saw him again you could’ve still sketched a fairly accurate picture.

“What if you get bored living with me everyday? I’m not as adventurous as John B,” you posed, “you could move into the Chateau.”

The question was a fair one, JJ had been spending a lot of time at the Chateau lately and you couldn’t help feeling a little jealous. Maybe it was stupid, to be bothered by something so trivial as where someone decided to lay their head at night but you couldn’t help it. JJ was supposed to stay at your house, in your cramped living room on a mattress that was lumpy and tired from being dragged back and forth every morning. He was supposed to sleep next to you and stay up too late and make you laugh at stupid jokes.

“Why would I wanna do that?” He asked, propping himself up on his elbow as if it would help him see you better.

“I don’t know,” you can’t shrug laying down but your voice carries the same uncertainty, a sort of embarrassment you can’t shake. “Would we live on the Cut?”

“Anywhere we wanted,” he replied. “We could live right on the beach, like those houses on stilts. We could surf everyday and lay out in the sun.”

“Sounds amazing.”

It was all just a sleep-deprived dream that the two of you had. You knew that real life things would creep back in once the day started and dreams of living on the beach and surfing all day weren’t dreams that you or JJ could afford to have. Still, it was a nice thought, one where you could live in a haze of happiness and sun and JJ.

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with you,” JJ admitted, shifting closer to you again and wrapping his arms around you. His breath fanned out over your shoulder and you felt him leave a kiss to the skin on your arm, where your shirt sleeve rode up. “Sitting on the beach, smoking weed, watching the sunset or whatever you and Kie like to do when you get up at the ass-crack of dawn.”

“That’s the sunrise you moron,” you laughed quietly, tucking your head into the crook of his neck.

“Whatever, we’ll watch it together.” He replied. “And drive around listening to all that old shit your dad likes and we’ll have a big porch with those giant couches and we’ll sleep until noon every day.”

“How are we watching the sunrise if we sleep till noon?” You asked, leaving a kiss against the base of his neck. He was warm and you were finally starting to fall asleep.

“We’ll wake up and then go back to sleep.” He said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. You could hear the soft slur in his voice as he spoke and felt his lips press against your temple.

You closed your eyes in the dark. “I think you might need that sleep now,” you replied.

“Yeah,” he was drowsy and clingy, a side of him you saw often and never tired of experiencing, “we’ll make plans in the morning, for our house.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t forget…a Christmas tree all year long.”

“Okay,” you repeated. “I promise not to forget. Go to sleep.”

He hummed and you thought for a minute he might actually take your advice and let himself doze off but then he pressed another kiss to your forehead and you could hear him repeating, “don’t forget” but the end of the sentence trailed off before he could finish it.

“What?” You whispered, curious if it was anything actually important or simply another feature of your future home.

JJ tilted his head back, half-lidded eyes searching for yours in the dark, “I said I love you.” He replied then settled back in.

“I won’t forget that,” you assured, “I couldn’t.”

-

Taglist: @maybankbby @alanniys @stylesyourmine @nicolee-anne @dudenhaaa27 @alexoberlinluthor @luversgirl @lemur46 @mariahlaufeyson @beth-gallagher22 @swagmoneydrew @xivilivix @americaarse @scenesofobx @pankowsfruitsnacks @alexademiesluvr @butterflymoons @maneskindiva @allisonxmcu @milkiane @inwonderlandwritemealetter @phxntom-2021 @iamasimpingh0e @aureamelendez @unbelievablystillafangirl @caitlyn-winchester @truewdw1 @randomwriter1021 @thecaptainsgingersnap @purple-flamingo  @tenaciousperfectionunknown @my-baexht-ls 

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Seeing a lot of the TERFs cry, “Girls and boys shouldn’t be allowed to play on the same sports teams!” and need to say something.

When I was little, I LOVED football (soccer if you’re American). Like I absolutely LOVED it and joined my primary school’s football club from the age of like five; when I moved up to junior school aged seven, I still loved football and joined the after school football club there until I was nine.

Here’s the thing: the football clubs at both of my primary schools were mixed gender - meaning the boys played with the girls, we had male and female coaches, and bearing in mind that my junior school was a Christian faith school, literally no one gave a shit if girls and boys played sports together. Our PE lessons were mixed gender as well, and we were encouraged to work in groups of both boys and girls. The real kicker here is that the clubs were for ALL ages at the school - so seven year old me and my seven year old friends (boys AND girls) played in the same club as the eleven year old boys and girls about to head off to secondary school. Were the Year 6 kids much bigger than us Year 3s? Yeah, some of them had already started puberty probably, eleven year old boys especially tend to be bigger than seven year old girls - but we played together, and we all had fun.

Anyway, by the time I was nine, I was the only girl left on the team - and I eventually had to quit because my mum got a new job and my neighbour had to pick me up on that day, and it wasn’t fair on her to pick her son up and my sister up at 3 only to have to come all the way back at 4:15 for me… so I had to stop going. Do you know what happened after I left? They made the team boys only - which meant no girls who joined the school in the following years were allowed to join.

“They could have just made a girls team” - there are five days in a week, and football is not the only club that needs to use a school field. The field was literally being used every day after school for one reason or another - and on top of that, there weren’t enough girls interested to warrant hiring another coach and organising a whole other after school club. Some of the parents did ask “can’t they just join the boys team?”, but they weren’t allowed because now it was established as “boys only”, and the boys who were in the club had learnt that they didn’t want “boring silly weak girls” playing with them.

Before this, those same boys didn’t care if I was on their team or not - but then they were taught that girls weren’t good enough to play with them, that girls couldn’t compete with them and were “weaker”. I couldn’t even join in football or basketball games at break or lunch anymore because of that.

So when the gender critical transphobes out there start talking about how girls and boys shouldn’t be allowed to do PE or sports together, because “men are physically stronger/better/more capable etc.”, they are parroting the exact same misogynistic rhetoric that prevented me from playing a sport I and many other girls loved - they are saying that girls aren’t as good as boys at certain sports, that we are weak and would be beaten by someone who is biologically male all because we’re girls and so that means we’re born “weaker”. If the “boys and girls shouldn’t play sports together” logic had been used in my case and I hadn’t been allowed to play with the boys when I was, I would never have been able to play football at all because “girls aren’t the same standard as boys”.

People come in all shapes and sizes; even when I was at secondary school, there was a boy in my class who was half my height and remained the shortest in the year all the way until we left school at 16. I could have easily harmed him if we’d played sports together - but according to TERFs, he had the “biological advantage” simply for being born with a penis. Sometimes women are bigger than men, sometimes we are stronger than some men, it literally depends on the person - you can’t generalise an entire group of people based just on what is between their legs.

TERF rhetoric has always been and literally always will be nothing more than sexism and misogyny dressed up as fake-feminism - and that’s on top of it already being based on racist and sizeist stereotypes too.

[bunnimew]

Making a Fool

Rating: T Fandom: Spider-man and Deadpool Relationship: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson Tags: College AU, College roommates, Humor, Fluff, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, With a silly twist tho, Pre-Slash Summary: For Spideypool Bingo 2019: B4 College Roommates @spideypoolbingo

It was already something of a feat trying to hide Peter's ‘after school activities’ from normal roommates. It was going to be an exercise in futility trying to hide them from a trained mercenary.

Although, to be fair… it was Deadpool.

On AO3 here.

It was a little bit weird. A full grown adult, staying in the dorms? It just seemed like he should’ve had somewhere else to live by this point in his life. And not just because Peter’s roommate was a grown ass man. 

Also because he was Deadpool.

And okay, it’s not like Peter was a freshman or anything himself. He’d been here for four years and just hadn’t figured out how to escape yet, so it’s not like he wasn’t also, technically, a grown ass man. 

Still.

His roommate was Deadpool. 

What were the odds of that?

It was already something of a feat trying to hide his ‘after school activities’ from normal roommates. It was going to be an exercise in futility trying to hide them from a trained mercenary.

Although, to be fair… it was Deadpool.

“Are you okay there, Petey?”

...He should probably get out of the doorway. Also, he never gave him permission to call Peter nicknames. Although, given all the things Deadpool liked to call Spider-man, he shouldn't have been surprised. Also, Peter should probably get used to thinking of him as Wade. 

Peter coughed and nodded and made his way to… the fridge. Yeah, the fridge. “I’m good. How are you?”

“Busy!” Wade answered, pinning up a unicorn poster between their bedroom doors. Peter wasn’t sure how he felt about it, but at least it wasn’t something offensive. It was a pretty nice unicorn, actually. “We’re going to have the best year! Frat parties, study groups, questionable caffeine sources, melted soup spoons, unsolved frat murders, student demonstrations, crying, and frat parties!”

Peter’s smile actually felt frozen on his face. He was so concerned. “When was the last time you were in college?”

Wade shrugged. “Probably the hit on the pizza boy.” He vanished into his bedroom before Peter could ask, although Peter wasn’t really sure what he would ask about that. Wade came back out with a stack of texts. “I heard on the vine that you were good with numbers. I hate to impose, but also I don’t. Think you might be able to help me figure this out?”

They… literally did not have classes until next week. Who bought their books ahead of time? Drop/add was serious business. That, and Peter was expecting to have to bust up a party of bad guys sometime around eleven, so… 

“Uh, tonight?” Peter asked. “I have plans.”

“Oh?” Wade perked up and dropped the texts on their dining table with a worrisome wobble. “Where’re you headed? Someplace cool, I bet!”

“A, uh…” Peter really should have been able to think of something horribly uncool and boring a lot faster than this. “Dinner with my aunt.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” Wade folded his hands together and rested his head against them. Peter was both frightened and charmed. “I hope you have fun! Wish her a Happy Birthday from me!”

"It's not—" Peter immediately changed his mind. "Sure thing!" And made his quick retreat.

-o-

The thing was, Peter liked to give a couple hours to patrolling every night, but he was finding it harder and harder to think up reasons to be out that late. 

He tried pretending he had a class, but everyone knew classes didn’t actually go until midnight, so that excuse only worked as often as Peter could make up something he might’ve got caught up talking to his professors about. 

Which wasn’t that short of a list, given Peter was a bonafide nerd, but he didn’t want to use up that resource too quickly. 

He also couldn’t claim to have dinner with his aunt every single night. It worked a couple nights a week, but that was all Peter got out of it. 

MJ and Harry made for pretty decent excuses, except Wade was guaranteed to meet them eventually and the risk of getting caught in the lie was too great. 

So Peter had to resort to other, less reliable excuses. 

“I, uh, need to run to the store and buy more socks,” he said.

“Okay!” Wade chirped. He was so agreeable. Peter both loved and hated it. “So, I’ll see you back here in about an hour?”

Peter hesitated. “I take my sock buying very seriously.”

Wade studied him intently. “...So, two hours?”

“Don’t wait up!” Peter shouted and ran for the door.

-o-

Peter was already late for tonight's patrol. He rushed into the dorm and straight through to his room. In the middle of peeling his shirt off to reveal the super suit underneath, he heard, "Hi, Peterson! I just got this new deck of cards. Wanna play a game?"

Fuck. 

Peter was hoping he could get out unnoticed. 

"Um," he said. "I…" need to throw myself out of this window. "Am really tired. I'm just gonna go to sleep early tonight. Sorry!"

"No worries, Pete-the-sweet!" Wade said through the door. "You deserve a good rest. Goodnight!"

Peter sighed in relief. "Goodnight!"

…Then removed the rest of his casual clothes, pulled on his mask, and threw himself out of his bedroom window.

-o-

Peter was almost out of the door, when—

"Hey, McPeter! Wanna grab some takeout?"

"I would love to, but…" Peter chewed on the inside of his lip while he thought in a panic. "I already ate!"

Wade stared at him. "You've been in your room for the past three hours and never left to go to the kitchen."

"Yes," Peter confirmed. Then he stared. Then he ran.

-o-

“I need to rescue my grandma from a tree,” Peter said. “Again.”

Wade stared in abject confusion for several long seconds. Peter was sure he’d be called out this time. 

Instead, Wade’s expression cleared. “Yeah, okay, sure, Pete-ster. I’ll see you in the morning!”

Peter would have sighed in relief, except for that last part. That last part broke something inside of him, because it meant Wade knew Peter wasn’t coming back tonight. It meant Wade had noticed the pattern of his behavior. It meant Wade didn’t believe a single one of Peter’s excuses, and was just letting him run off every night like clockwork. 

It meant Wade wasn’t that gullible.

It meant Peter had to be found out.

Wade was just letting him get away with it.

Right?

Peter couldn’t take it anymore. The excuses were stupid, the pressure was overwhelming, the tension was ready to snap, and Peter was not emotionally prepared to keep making a fool of himself for no reason. 

“Are you really going to buy that?” Peter heard himself ask.

Wade stopped short. “What do you mean, Princess Pete?”

“I mean,” Peter said, “Wade. Come on. Do you really not see that I’m Spider-man?”

Wade shook his head and tutted at him. “Petey, that’s not how you Secret Identity.”

Peter was speechless. What?

“Now get out there, Baby Boy,” Wade continued with a playful wink, “kick some ass, and I’ll pretend I never heard that.”

…

Guess Peter would just go on making a fool of himself, then.

[weeping-laurels]

I had swim lessons with E today after posting made me realize we haven’t done it in a while. It’s so cold out, I wore leg warmers over my jeans and he made fun of me for it when I showed up at the rec center.

I don’t know how to swim, ever since I almost drowned in a pool as a little kid I’ve had a phobia of swimming and pools, especially of submerging my head or face underwater or even of getting water splashed in my face. I was eleven when I first overcame my fear of putting my face under the shower head (I got my period that year and convinced myself I was a woman and needed to suck it up). But that’s different.

I like pools, just can’t go near the 5 ft mark and hug the sides to stay away from splashing kids. Even worse, I’m hard of hearing and have to take out my hearing aids to swim. Not being able to hear very well adds to the scariness and my reluctance to learn with just anyone. So E’s been giving me swim lessons this winter, starting with exposure therapy.

We started with him leading me to the middle of the pool, so that I had nothing to grab onto but him (try me). He would take handfuls of water and pour it over my head. The first time he did it, I panicked and lunged backward, then I lost my footing and started falling back into the water when he grabbed me really quickly by the waist and lifted me up. I was literally crying into his shoulder for minutes and he had to wait for me to calm down. I’ve gotten better at getting my face wet, but I still panic a bit, so we’re still not on let’s try holding your breath underwater terms.

We learned the best way for me to do it when he told me, “just hold on to me and don’t let go, and close your eyes.” Holy moly… it only works ‘cause the butterflies eat up the flight response.

The thing about E is he doesn’t make me feel silly for being scared of water splashing my face or for being slow to getting comfortable with the pool. He’s very attentive and calm, pays attention to when I’m doing good and when I’m not. He’s always close to me, always holding on to me and he keeps his face close to mine so I can hear him talking. God, his constant eye contact is so sexy it makes me wanna just…melt into a puddle. A hydrophobic puddle.

Today we were goofing off and I splashed him and dared him to do it back. He gave me a look like seriously? Yeah, I told him. Come on, do it! And he just… disappeared into the water. And I freaked out, because I was staring at him not knowing what he was going to do, and then he went underneath me and picked me up and swung me around bridal style while I shouted at him and…I was inches away from kissing him. I leaned in, he knew it too, and I realized what I was doing and let go of him. So embarrassed, I said I was sorry and he just looked at me and said, “You’re OK” with that look he gives when he’s hurt, like when he and Kay fought and I found him eating lunch alone in our teacher’s room. His eyebrows get all furrowed and he squints. I literally do not know what that means.

He asked me if I was okay, probably because I had this look on my face. I told him that I was fine, but if he wanted to go early I understood. He joked, “no, Dani, I wanna stay. Don’t make me go.” Like. Dani. My friends call me Dani but this is the first time he’s ever called me that.

I told him I needed an E break. Joked, “why don’t you just swim around, aren’t you, like, good at that?” and left for the bathroom with my towel. We’re the only two people around. We’re always alone because it’s the winter and no one wants to use the heated pool if it means going out into the cold after. So I was all alone with my feelings, and feeling like an idiot. And after a while he knocked on the door asking if I wanted my bag. I had him come in.

We just talked about how I’ve been stressed lately (lie) and I haven’t been acting like myself (lie) and making dumb decisions (truth). And he told me: “That wasn’t a dumb decision.” And I told him that wasn’t fair, and that he should go so I could change. And I couldn’t fucking hear but I swear he said “should I go?” and I told at him to repeat himself and he said he wouldn’t. I changed out of my swimsuit (which, by the way, is a two-piece bikini that’s like a sports bra and shorts), felt guilty for wearing it, judged how I looked naked, imagined him naked, sighed and changed and let him drive me home. We barely talked, but when I got home he smiled and said he’ll see me tomorrow. Dani.

Fuck. What? HELP.

[juletheghoul]

Solis

This one is close to my heart - took me a long time to figure out how I wanted to write about Oberyn, this is an au, we are not in Westeros because I wouldn't even know how the hell to jump into that world but I hope you like it.

Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (GOT's AU)

Pairing: Oberyn x F!Reader

Word Count: 10K (sorry bout it)

Warnings: **TRIGGER WARNING** Deals with grief (readers husband / Elia's death) Reader is a widow, deals with loss and depression / fluffy parent stuff, yearning, language, Smut 18+, PIV sex (wrap it up), dirty talk **pregnancy**

Masterlist

--------

You could almost feel his arms around you, could almost feel his voice in your ear telling you he loved you. It always made waking up so hard.

Your son was up though and that meant the end of your time with him. It felt like it had been forever since he passed away, and it also felt like it had happened yesterday. Especially on the days when you dreamt about him.

You missed him fiercely. You felt his loss so strongly, it was like an ache that nothing could relieve. Everything in you wanted to lay in bed and conjure up happy memories but your son needed you.

Lately it seemed like he was the only thing keeping you out of bed.

“Good morning little love.” Your smile for him was genuine. You couldn’t help it when he gave you those little grabby hands.

Your son looked like you, everyone said so. Spitting image absolutely - but every so often you would look at him and see your husband staring back at you and that hurt so much more than you wanted to admit.

You tried to focus on your son, he was babbling happily as you got him ready for his first day at daycare. You had been praying fiercely that he would get a spot before your maternity leave was up. You couldn’t afford to stay home longer than was necessary and in order to be able to afford the spot you were praying for you needed to go back to work. It was a vicious cycle.

You had applied to a few in your area and until last week it had been a steady stream of -unfortunately we have no space at this time- until you found Elias. It was a smaller, more “hands on” daycare but it’s the only option you had within budget.

You would have preferred to send your son to Casterly Rock Child Care but not only could you not afford it, there were never any spots. It was like trying to get your son into private school. Once you were back at work and making your regular salary you could make it work. If he ever got in that is, for now however - it would have to be Elias.

You wanted to get him used to daycare before you went back to work, the thought of leaving him there bawling for you would have meant a horrific first day back. Better to get him accustomed, the lady you had spoken to said that you could start him as early as this week, and you agreed.

“Come on little man, are you ready? You’re going to meet so many other kids! Isn’t that exciting?” He giggled at your happy tone and the sound was always like a balm, his happiness was your happiness. You got his diaper bag ready with everything he’d need and set off.

————

The walk to the daycare had been nice, the fact that it was so close was a big bonus. The daycare seemed to be a big home, the lower level of which had been converted in order to separate the living quarters upstairs. You walked into the foyer and immediately saw a huge portrait of a beautiful young woman.

In loving memory of Elia Martell, this Daycare was opened in her honour

She must have died young, you knew that pain. Your heart went out to her family.

You surveyed the space, it looked intensely homey, there was a big unit packed with kids shoes and bags, big cubbies with names written on them. A big community notice board filled with flyers and local news.

There were sunflowers everywhere, the whole space was bathed in a yellow glow that made it look like part of the sun was stashed away. The brightness of it was lovely, and it shooed away the fear you had at being separated from your son slightly. You had a good feeling about this place.

A woman came at the sound of the door with a big smile on her face. Her gauzy dress floating behind her as she walked over to you excitedly as you got your son out of his stroller. You couldn’t help but smile back at her - she seemed so friendly.

“Good morning! I’m Ellaria, I believe we spoke over the phone.” She hugged you tightly and her openness shocked you, but you quickly recovered and smiled back at her, introducing yourself formally. She looked down at your son and waved at him.

“It’s nice to meet you Ellaria, this is Mylo.” You turned Mylo to face her and she cooed happily at him. He seemed taken with her and you definitely could not blame him. She exuded a calming maternal energy, and she looked like a goddess.

“Hello Mylo, aren’t you just the most handsome little man, may I?” She looked to you for permission before reaching for him. You hesitated slightly but relented. It was better to know now how much crying you’d have to deal with. She took him with grace and bounced him as she held him tight to chest.

“Yes you are such a handsome boy, my girls are going to love you.” She spoke into his hair and it made you happy to see her be so tender with him. You felt better about this place by the second.

“Please be welcome, I’ll give you a tour so you can feel better about leaving him here.” She spoke over her shoulder, urging you to follow. So far no crying - this is good.

You walked through to the back of the house to find a big open room, a mountain of toys stacked neatly in one corner. The main play area was closed off with a wooden gate to keep the little ones from roaming out of sight. There was a row of little cots in another corner for nap time, as well as a long table filled with high chairs and a bench for the bigger kids. You could tell kids liked it here. It was still early enough that only a few children were there by now and by the look of them they were Ellaria’s own, they looked just like her.

“We let the children enjoy their time however they choose, we let them colour or play - they can paint or do puzzles. The only thing we don’t let them do is watch tv. They socialize better without sitting in front of a screen. We don’t separate them by age and encourage them to play or learn together. Elia, watch your sisters while I finish the tour.”

She spoke to a girl that seemed to be in her teens before guiding you outside.

“On nice sunny days we bring the children outside, to play in the water gardens, or in the sand. I forgot to mention it over the phone. If you’re not comfortable with Mylo playing in the water he can be kept in the shade.” She smiled, the yard was huge and for a kid it would be paradise. It was essentially a massive in ground kiddie pool with fountains, you could already see Mylo sitting in the water and splashing around excitedly.

“No it’s okay, I can pack him some beach diapers, he’s like a fish this one so he’ll love it here. I’ll get him some sunscreen too and a hat or something so he can be outside.” You smiled imagining his chubby little legs in the water.

“Perfect, that would be lovely I’m sure he’ll be very happy here, won’t you Mylo.” She bounced him a little and he giggled. It was both a relief and an annoyance that he took to this woman so quickly. You pushed that thought away, this is a blessing and you’re projecting your insecurities.

“I’m really glad you gave me the tour Ellaria thank you. I feel much better about leaving him now.” You were sincere, you knew in your heart this woman would care for your child just as well as you would.

“Oh yes he’ll be happy here, my girls will fight over him I can see it now - and I just know Oberyn will love him.” She had a tiny bit of an accent and her voice was lovely, you could listen to her talk all day. “Okay little one let’s get you inside and settled so mama can go about her day hm?” She led you back inside and placed Mylo into the enclosure with a bunch of colourful blocks to distract him. Just like she had predicted - her girls came over instantly to fawn over him and he loved the attention.

“Thanks so much- I’ll be back at around 5:30 to pick him up. I packed him some extra clothes, his pacifier, diapers, rash cream just in case. Everything I thought he’d need- nap time for him is usually around eleven and if he gets fussy he has his blanket in here.” You showed her and she nodded, taking his bag from you.

“No problem, have a great day, we’ll see you later.” You felt good about leaving him there - seeing him happy and distracted with Ellaria’s girls. You managed to make it all the way home before the tears came.

—-

You took the time away from Mylo to be in bed. You’d wanted to lay and do nothing for so long, imagining it would feel better than it did. It never did.

It was silent in your house which was new, no tv, no baby noises, no crying. Just you and the ghost of your husband. An empty bed reminding you of his absence. You laid there in the quiet, aside from the sounds of cars outside your window, seeing your gauzy curtains fluttering in the slight breeze. Dustmotes dancing on the little light you allowed in.

You were glad then that Mylo wasn’t around, that he has a happy place with other children, just the thought of him splashing around in the water and being around Ellaria’s energy made you feel a little better. You had to try harder.

You couldn’t let your grief overwhelm you, you couldn’t let it get in the way of being a good mom. You had to be better for Mylo. For yourself, but it was hard, it was hard to celebrate Mylos firsts without him. When Mylo crawled for the first time you were a wreck for days. When he first laughed, you cried. All of his firsts were daggers to your heart and it wasn’t fair to him.

These milestones which should have been met with joy and excitement, were often met with misery and tears and that had to stop. You vowed that it would, but not today.

Today was for laying in bed in silence.

——-

You ended up getting there a little earlier than you thought to pick up Mylo and you half expected chaos but the children were well behaved. They were playing happily in little groups of twos and threes. Blocks and puzzles, barbies and dolls. So many activities going on at once. Mylo was sitting in a high chair with his back facing you, someone was feeding him something but you couldn’t see them from where you were.

“You’re early! Look Mylo- mamas here!” Ellaria had more energy than you’d seen in women half her age. It was inspiring, truly.

“Your son is a delight. He’s a lovely boy and very well behaved.” You saw his face poke out from behind the high chair then, a handsome man who looked to be in his late 30’s or early 40’s. His smile was infectious.

“I’m so glad to hear he was well behaved.” You spoke truthfully, you were a little worried he’d be fussy all day.

“A perfect little gentleman weren’t you Mylo?” He spoke with such affection, these people were truly suited for this work.

“Hey little man, what are you eating?” You came around to see him and he perked up to hear your voice, his little hands making the grabby signal you loved so much.

“My sincerest apologies if I’m spoiling his dinner, he saw me eating berries and he practically took them out of my hands.” He smiled warmly down at the baby, he was eating the berries happily, juice and seeds smeared all over his face.

“That’s okay, I’m here early anyway, dinner won’t be for a little while and he loves berries. Don’t you little man?” He made the grabby hands again and ignored the mush.

“Okay little one let’s get you cleaned up so you can go home.” Oberyn grabbed some wipes and began carefully getting him somewhat clean. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was, his greying hair did nothing to take away from his allure. If anything it made him look distinguished. He got Mylo decently clean, anything he missed would be taken care of at bath time. He barely finished because Mylo got impatient and cried out for you.

“It’s okay I’m here, let’s get you ready.” You thanked him - he had beautiful brown eyes.

It shocked you that you even thought about how attractive Oberyn was. You hadn’t even thought about another man since you got married, and even less so after your husband died. It was a little distressing but you imagined that it was bound to happen eventually. Another first.

You heard a little girl then, no older than six or seven run up to him and call him dad, she looked just like Ellaria and then it clicked. Of course they would be together. That should have been obvious. They had the same slight lilt in their speech- obviously they had come from the same place. You felt a little foolish then, not knowing exactly why.

“See you tomorrow Mylo.” He called out to him, turning to you after to offer you his hand. “It was lovely to meet you, see you tomorrow.” He shook your hand in his big warm ones.

---

“Good morning! Hi Mylo, are you ready to get bombarded by my daughters today?” Oberyn greeted you at the entrance the next day. He stood in a mustard yellow shirt and linen trousers, he looked like the human version of a sun-god and you had to remember to reign in your thoughts; It was very difficult when he smiled at the both of you. Ellaria came at the sound and you felt chastened somehow.

“Good morning! It’s lovely to see you both.” She smiled and Mylo giggled at her. She took him without hesitation from his stroller and it surprised you how comfortable you were with it. He definitely liked her which was a bonus, she held him tightly and he grabbed playfully at her long curls.

Oberyn stood beside the big portrait of the woman you learned was Elia, you saw the resemblance between them then and your heart wilted slightly. He noticed and looked where your gaze was focused. The smile changed, from an open friendliness, to a sad fondness.

“My sister.” he said softly, the pain was evident.

“I’m so sorry, the grief must be immense.” you meant every word, you knew it to be true.

“It is, but it makes me happy to have this place in her honour. I miss her very much.” He spoke with a fondness that wrapped itself around your heart. You still couldn’t talk about your husband and it had been over a year.

“She is with us in spirit my love.” Ellaria put her head on his shoulder and he hugged her warmly. It felt like you were intruding on a beautiful private family moment, even your son looked like he belonged with them. He made the grabby hands at Oberyn - that hurt more than you could have thought. Another first.

“Yes, you and I are going to have fun in the sand today right?” Mylo giggled at the excited faces Oberyn made and it all seemed so natural, so practised - you had to leave. You were suffocating and the tears were coming fast and heavy. You hurriedly kissed Mylos head as they fell and practically ran out the door. This was looking like another day in bed.

You hadn’t made it home before your cell phone was ringing - the name of the daycare centre lit up on the caller id. You took a couple of deep breaths to settle yourself before answering, you were so embarrassed.

“Hello?” You managed to hold back the sniffle.

“Hello dove, I wanted to make sure you’re okay - please let me know if we did anything to make you uncomfortable.” It was Ellaria and her voice sounded so sincere and worried that it compounded the embarrassment. You felt your face grow hot at what they must think of you.

“Hi - yes, I’m sorry about that. I’m so ashamed no no please it was nothing to do with you guys. I’m happy Mylo is with you. He seemed so happy.” You tried to keep your voice neutral but a crack managed to sneak through while the tears fell. You knew she heard you then. She was quiet for a moment.

“Are you sure?” She prodded gently, you took in her meaning. She was asking far more than she was saying with words.

“Yes - thank you Ellaria - I’ll see you at 5:30pm - have a great day.” You hung up before she could hear you falling apart.

--

When you got home you felt hopeless. Would this ever get better? You were so exhausted - it always felt like if you just got a full day of sleep it would clear. The cotton in your brain would finally disappear. It never did, but it didn’t stop you from trying.

You could smell him then, feel his arms around you and it did more to calm you than all the sleep in the world. In the back of your mind you knew this was a dream, but he was here and that’s all that mattered.

You can’t keep doing this to yourself.

He spoke into your hair and you could feel it, you felt the air leave his lungs, he felt sturdy wrapped around you in the nameless place you could only ever find in dreams.

Don’t leave me again - please I can’t do this without you. You knew this couldn’t last and you already dreaded waking up.

I’m already gone. He was slipping away.

How could a dream be so incredibly cruel?

---

The weeks leading up to your return to work went by in a blur, you had too much free time and you seemed to spend every single second of it in bed. Constantly chasing the dreams with him.

When Mylo was home it was easier to focus on him and push your grief away, if only for a little while. He was doing well at the daycare, he was happy to see everyone every morning and it made you ashamed to think that they were better suited to care for him than you were.

You were a dark cloud in this happy baby’s life. You had to get better.

---

The first week back at work was difficult to say the least. The first few days especially.

It was hard to concentrate, you were fatigued and your heart was absolutely not in it. You pushed through though, using Mylo to get you through it. You thought about how happy he was to see you whenever you got to the daycare; Ellaria had told you he was thriving and she was certain his first steps would be any day now. That was a double edged sword but you focused on the good. You desperately hoped it would happen at home and not at the daycare, even though you knew you could never truly be sure.

She was right - it happened three days later. He was standing holding onto the high chair when he turned to you and took a couple of shaky steps. You squealed happily and ran to get your phone, you wanted to show Ellaria. You managed to get him to walk a few steps on camera and you were just thinking how excited the two of them would be to see it when you realized the usual sadness didn’t creep in right away. You tried to shake it away and focused on the joy of your baby boy stumbling his way into being a toddler.

---

“Oberyn! Come look! I knew it, see I told you I could smell your first steps little one.” She beamed at him as she called Oberyn to come see the video you excitedly showed her.

“My goodness look at him, so confident! He’ll be running circles around us soon.” He watched the video with such pride - you could almost imagine he was getting excited for his own child. It was lovely to see.

“I was so happy I had to get it on video to show you.” You spoke to him with a big smile. You noticed the look Ellaria gave you as you spoke to Oberyn, it was a curious look. She looked at you with what could only be described as tenderness. She grabbed your arm in hers and pulled you over to separate you. You were almost scared that she had gotten the wrong idea and was going to scold you but that was crazy, nothing had happened.

“It is lovely to see you smile Dove, I know there is something going on, a sadness. You don’t have to explain, but if you need anything, anything at all - please don’t hesitate to give me a call. This is my number. I mean it - any time. Even if you just want to come for tea on the weekend. You are both welcome here always.” She held onto your arm reassuringly and you felt the sincerity in her words. No jealousy, no animosity, pure love. You managed to keep your emotions in check when you thanked her, truly thanked her for her kindness.

“Okay little man I’ll see you later, have fun and don’t drive everyone crazy.” You kissed him on the forehead as Oberyn held him and the three of you said your goodbyes.

--

It was the little things you noticed at first.

You noticed yourself getting up earlier on the weekends, you woke up before Mylo more often than not which was new. You still had a few bad days scattered here and there but the ratio of bad to good had changed drastically. You caught yourself singing as you cooked a few times and that really shocked you.

When your husband was alive you sang all the time - you never thought you were any good and your husband used to tease you but it was just something you did. You hadn’t done it since he died but every once in a while it bubbled up.

You noticed yourself taking a little bit more care with how you dressed, with your hair, your make-up.

When you had first gone back to work you did the bare minimum. Your clothes and hair were clean, that was as much as you could commit to. Over the last couple of months though you found yourself taking a little more time and a little more pride in your appearance. It felt good to see little glimpses of the woman you used to be, peek her head out more and more.

—-

The thought of Mylos biggest first was weighing heavy on your mind, his first birthday. You thought it best to ask Ellaria, you knew she’d be able to help you throw a little something together - Mylo had grown really close to her girls and you wanted them to be included. She reacted just the way you thought she might when you mentioned it to her.

“Oh but you must celebrate it here! We can throw him a little picnic outside!” She was so excited but you didn’t want to impose.

“You don’t have to do that Ellaria it’s okay, I want to include your girls though, Mylo loves them so much.” You didn’t want her to go out of her way, she did so much for you already.

“Oh nonsense, please indulge me - the weathers been so nice the kids can play in the water gardens! Will you say yes?” She was a hell of a charmer, Oberyn lent his voice to hers and you had no choice.

“Oh yes it must be here, the both of you can spend the day with us, you’d love that wouldn’t you little one?” He spoke directly to Mylo who was all smiles.

“Fine, but please - don’t go too crazy. I will bring the cake and the food.” You tried to put your foot down but they were having none of it.

“Dove the only thing the two of you are allowed to walk through these doors with is a cake. Allow me to take care of the rest.” She was imperious and did not take no for an answer- you couldn’t help but agree.

—-

It was lovely to see Mylo in their care.

He was all smiles, he thrived here. You always knew he was happy here but it lifted your heart to see him with them. He chased after the girls on his little legs, he screamed in joy at them when they tickled him.

What really affected you though, was seeing Oberyn with him.

Oberyn treated him like one of his own. He lifted him in the air, he made funny faces at him, he responded to his baby babble as though they were deep in conversation.

Your husband had been so excited to be a father when you decided to start trying, you liked to imagine that he would have done the same. Mylo deserved a father like Oberyn.

“Oberyn loves him, they’re thick as thieves those two.” Ellaria was watching them with you.

“Mylo really likes him.” You wanted to say more but what could you say to her?

My son is obsessed with your husband and I wish I could have him for my own?

Where the hell did that thought come from? You didn’t want Oberyn? Sure you were attracted, and seeing him with your son did something to your heart that you couldn’t quite put your finger on but him and Ellaria were clearly together and happy.

Plus you weren’t ready to move on anyway. Regardless of Oberyn's status. You tried your hardest to push it out of your mind - Ellaria noticed your silent inner turmoil and you hoped she didn’t take it the wrong way.

“Can I ask you a personal question, Dove? Please be honest I don’t want to offend you.” She held onto your arm like always, she was a very affectionate person and it always made you feel comfortable.

“Yes of course, ask me.” You felt like you knew what was coming and you tried to brace yourself.

“What happened to Mylo’s father?” She asked gently and you saw that she half expected you to avoid the question.

“He passed away, a month into my pregnancy with Mylo.” It hurt so much to say, but it was also cathartic. She had such a calming energy it helped stem the flow of emotions.

“Oh Dove I’m so sorry, that must have been very hard.” She rubbed your hand in sympathy.

“It was, it still is but I’m getting better. I’ve come a long way, believe it or not.” You laughed, it was self-depreciating. She didn’t join in.

“Yes you have, when you first brought him to us I could see the sadness in you. It was bigger than you and almost swallowed you whole. Lately I see it getting smaller and smaller, that kind of grief never goes away. You have no idea how happy I am to see you doing better.” The tears were coming but they weren’t from sadness for once. They were for her, for her kindness towards you and your son. You loved her dearly in that moment. “No tears today Dove, we are celebrating life.” She wiped them off your face and you agreed silently.

Mylo was so happy splashing around in the water it was infectious and you wiped your tears away. You had to put them away for him.

“Look at you little man!” You cooed at him excitedly and he splashed. You sat at the edge of water, taking your sandals off to put your feet in. Oberyn was in the water with the children, he had a pair of swim shorts on so he could sit with them. Mylo was in heaven. He would run to Oberyn, kicking water up into his face as he went and then would burst into excited laughter at the mock-stern face on his arrival. It was lovely to see.

“Show mama how you splash little one - big splashes!” He turned Mylo to you and he showed you excitedly. You smiled the biggest smile you had in you and he kept going. Your legs were soaked and Oberyn was drenched.

It was the nicest day you’d had in so long. The cake was cut, their girls ran around with Mylo while you drank jasmine tea, the food was absolutely delicious.

Oberyn and Ellaria brought out a big gift for Mylo and you had a tiny fight over it. You were so grateful and annoyed that they’d gone out of their way for him.

“It’s nothing! Stop this it’s his birthday of course we got him a present. Enough I insist. Look, he loves it!” She smiled and you shook your head accepting it gracefully.

“He had to have it, we can keep it here so he can use it every day.” Oberyn helped him onto the brand new tricycle and helped him zoom around.

You ended up being thankful you let her talk you into having his birthday there. It was the right choice.

—-

You found yourself thinking about Oberyn more often than not, and it made you feel terribly guilty. Not just for the memory of your husband but for Ellaria. How could you think of him in any other capacity than the owner of the daycare your son went to?

She was so kind to you and you considered her a friend, it felt like a betrayal for you to think of the father of her children this way. You constantly scolded yourself over it.

—

It had been months since Mylos birthday and you felt yourself feeling the big cloud of grief start to fade a little bit. You knew it would never really go away, you had a nagging suspicion that you wouldn’t want it to. As bizarre as it sounded, that intense grief somehow made it seem like it was single handedly keeping the memory of your husband alive.

That didn’t make sense, you knew you didn’t need sadness to keep a part of him close, Mylo was it. He was the physical manifestation of the love between you two.

You used that thought like a mantra. Mylo was it, and he deserved to be happy, he deserved a happy mother and a happy childhood, as happy as you could make it.

Your thoughts of Oberyn persisted however. Sometimes you could swear that his eyes lingered. His smile had a little something in it. It was so confusing and maddening, you felt angry for Ellaria but also an excitement that he could possibly find you attractive. That in itself would cause massive amounts of inner turmoil - an incredible guilt that ate away at you each night when you thought about him. About his kind brown eyes, his dimple- the smooth golden skin.

How could you do this to your husband? How could you do this to Ellaria? It was torture.

You ignored it the best you could.

—-

More time passed, work got better as you slowly felt yourself getting lighter, the fog you constantly found yourself stumbling around in was lifting.

Mylo was talking like crazy, he was growing so much and it felt like you were too.

On a particularly good day you decided to not only do your hair and makeup, but you chose to wear one of your favourite summer wrap dresses to work. You were feeling confident when you walked into the daycare with Mylo.

You heard a tiny gasp when you looked up and saw Ellaria giving you a blinding smile. You felt momentarily self conscious and you wanted to hide but she came over and stopped you.

“Dove you look gorgeous! I love this colour on you! Oberyn does she not look absolutely lovely?” Oberyn was standing behind her and you could see the look on his face as he took you in. It was curious, his eyes were bright and he made you flush.

“An absolute vision - you look radiant.” He wasn’t leering at you, but his look felt very intimate and you felt a little awkward. You tried to convey to Ellaria with your eyes that you were definitely not coming onto her husband but she met you with a knowing look and a wink. You had no idea what she could possibly be trying to convey with that wink but you didn’t want to dwell.

Mylo barreled toward Oberyn and he scooped him up, bringing him close to you so you could say goodbye. When he made his way to the playroom with him Ellaria grabbed your attention.

“He thinks you’re very beautiful, and you are.” She spoke in low tones, it felt like you were gossiping.

“Ellaria - please don’t think I -” she raised her arms with a big smile on her face.

“Don’t even try to apologize sweet girl, I know what you must be thinking. Oberyn and I are not together.” She smiled widely at the look of shock on your face.

“You aren’t? But you call each other my love? You have children?” She laughed, not unkindly.

“Oh we love each other dearly, but we aren’t together any more.” She smiled conspiratorially. “We were together for a long time, and we will always love each other, but we are not romantically involved any more and I am not a jealous woman. Never have been. I want him to be happy.” You could see the truth in her eyes and while it was surprising to find out you’d been wrong about them, it was even more surprising when you understood where this conversation was going.

“Are you playing matchmaker right now?” You were shocked, she could see it written clearly across your face. She smiled at your expression.

“Is that something you’d like sweet girl? I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” The shock was astounding - it silenced you outright.

All those months of guilt over your thoughts about Oberyn, of guilt for Ellaria, for your husband.

“I’ve also seen the way you look at him. No don’t give me that look there’s no reason to feel guilty - he’s a very handsome man and I would think you insane if you told me you weren’t attracted to him.” She smiled at the look of shock on your face.

“Ellaria I don’t know if I’m ready, and looks are just looks.” You were blushing, were your feelings really written across your face like this?

“Dove, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, it’s an option. He’s single, you’re single - you are attracted to each other? What’s the harm? He and I are not together and something tells me your husband would want you to be happy. I know it hurts and you have guilt over the possibility of moving on, but you cannot live in pain for the rest of your life. Open yourself up to love, sweet girl. Promise me you’ll think about it? Whatever you decide.” She sent you on your way with a whole mess of thoughts in your head.

--

You thought about Ellaria’s words for a long time, were you actually ready to date again? Every time you imagined going out with someone it filled your heart with an emotion you couldn’t comprehend, let alone define.

There was excitement yes, you couldn’t lie to yourself about your attraction to Oberyn. All of your interactions with him had been chaste and although you thought you’d seen little glimmers of lingering looks, kind words and casual compliments - you took them in stride. You treated them the same way you treated kind words and compliments from Ellaria. They were just exceedingly nice, affectionate people.

Were you even comfortable dating him? Yes Ellaria had given you explicit permission, and you knew it wasn’t in her to lie for your benefit. Would it be awkward going on a date with him knowing he’d talk to her about it after? Did you care about that? You’d talk to her about it - you knew then. You’d answer any question she had.

Your husbands smiling face popped into your head and it was hard to confront it then, the guilt was a pit you constantly seemed to stumble into.

--

You tried to put it out of your mind but it seemed as though Ellaria and Oberyn had discussed it.

“Come Mylo, say goodbye to mama so we can go and play.” She hurried him along and gave you a wink as she left Oberyn and you to speak.

He smiled at you as you put Mylo’s things into his cubby, your heart was racing.

“I was wondering if you would like to grab a coffee with me tonight?” He came out with it. You let out a huge breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding in.

“I really don’t want to come in between the two of you, I know Ellaria said you aren’t together but it still feels like you’re a family.” You blurted the words and half expected him to take his offer back but he smiled warmly.

“I can understand why you would think that. I assure you, we are not romantically involved anymore. If you are comfortable knowing she will always be an important person in my life as my friend, and the mother of my children then my offer stands. I’d very much like to take you out.” His smile was infectious, the ever present guilt was stomped away by something else.

“Yes, okay - coffee tonight.” It felt like your face was on fire.

“Lovely, Ellaria can watch Mylo - before you object it was her idea.” He saw that the words were on the tip of your tongue and he raised his hands in a conciliatory manner. You didn’t quite know how to feel about then discussing the two of you dating like this. It was mature. It was progressive; Ellaria was the greatest wingman on the planet.

---

The longer the day wore on and the closer it came to the end of the work day - the more nervous you got. It was hard to focus on anything aside from your after work plans.

It had been years since you’d been on a first date and although you were somewhat comfortable around Oberyn - you didn’t think he’d see you in this light, as much as you secretly hoped.

Your stomach was in knots the whole drive there, you touched up the little makeup you had on with some mascara and a tinted lip balm you had in your bag and tried to get your hair under control. When you finally felt you looked presentable enough you walked into the daycare.

Oberyn was waiting at the front, he was dressed casually but it looked good. You had the suspicion that he had his clothes specifically tailored to him. The colours and the cut of his clothes always complimented his body, his skin tone, his eyes.

He smiled brightly at you, holding out his arm to escort you outside.

“Ready sweet girl?” You couldn’t help but smile at his words.

“Yes, are you sure Ellaria will be okay with watching Mylo?” You hesitated momentarily but he pulled you along gently, reassuring you that they would be fine.

“Would you like to walk? It’s lovely out, and the coffee shop is close.” He held you close, holding your hand with his big warm one where it held onto his arm. He smelled wonderful, like citrus mixed with something spicy.

“Yes that sounds nice.” You agreed, the weather was nice enough and it was still bright out. You felt the butterflies in your stomach, your skin tingling where he touched you.

“You look lovely by the way, I should have told you earlier.” He spoke very nearly in your ear and it sent a shiver down your spine. You blushed slightly.

“Thank you, you look great too, I love this colour on you.” You meant it, he had a way of wearing yellow.

“Thank you, I am a bit vain when it comes to my clothing I’m afraid.” He laughed ruefully, you knew then, he definitely had his clothes tailored.

You both spoke about mundane things as you made your way over, it was nice to have a normal conversation that didn’t revolve around your son. As much as you loved him, being a mother wasn’t the be all and end all of your personality.

You ordered a coffee and he ordered a tea and you both agreed to sit outside to enjoy the lovely evening weather. You kept the conversation going, telling each other of your childhoods, your interests. He asked about your work, and about where you came from. You did the same, eventually the conversation got a little more serious. You couldn’t help but ask him about his relationship with Ellaria.

“Ellaria and I met a long time ago, we were so young. We loved intensely and ended up having four daughters. Everything was perfect and we were very passionate with each other until we weren’t. There was no big fight, no deception. No betrayal. We grew apart as lovers and now have a deeper love and respect for each other. I want nothing for the best for her but I am not in love with her any longer. I push her to pursue romantic love as she does for me.” He was all smiles as he spoke and you could see the affection he had for her.

“It’s really lovely of you both to have ended on such good terms, your girls must love having you both so close.” You meant every word, they were lucky.

“They do, we are fortunate that we still enjoy each other’s company and that we ended that part of our relationship on good terms.” He smiled warmly but it faltered a little, you felt him bracing himself and you Instantly knew what was coming. “I know you’ve been through something sunflower, and if you do not wish to tell me about it I understand.” He reached over and grasped your hand in both of his.

“I know Ellaria probably told you, but I didn’t tell her the whole story. We were together for a long time, since we were kids practically. Always knew I'd marry him. We did the engagement, simple wedding, and then decided to have a baby. A month into my pregnancy he died. It was a freak accident at work. Shouldn’t have happened and here we are. We never lived the life we should have lived and I’m raising our son on my own.” You took a deep breath and for once you didn’t completely dissolve from speaking about him.

You felt him squeeze your hand in his and you smiled weakly at him.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, I understand what it is to lose someone unexpectedly.” You could feel his sadness, it was a mirror image of your own.

“Elia, your sister - how long has it been?” You scooted a little closer to him, it felt as though this conversation was a tiny spark. Something small and delicate that needed oxygen and you both needed to breathe your life into it.

“Yes, my Elia, it’s been just over a decade.” He leaned into you and you mirrored his actions, the both of you connected through grief as well as your hands.

“I’m so sorry Oberyn - your daughter - you named her after her?” You realized then.

“Yes, it hurt me to say her name at first but it wasn’t fair to her. Elia would not want me to be afraid to say her name.” He laughed then, lost in the memories of his sister. You both smiled at each other then and you felt a curious lightness. It was strangely comforting to know that you had this bond, as morbid as it was. There was a deep understanding there that most people -thankfully- couldn’t understand.

You laughed, you shared stories of your childhood- you connected and you realized how much you missed this. You missed the company and you missed talking to someone in this way. He tentatively held your hand as you walked home and you flushed at the simple touch.

When you made it back to the daycare a few hours later Mylo was asleep and Ellaria gave you a look that said we will definitely be discussing this later with a conspiratorial smile.

“Please allow me, I’ll walk you both to your car.” Oberyn carefully picked Mylo up out of the little cot he was sleeping in and you were impressed that he didn’t wake up. Hopefully you could do the same when you got home.

You were silent as you made your way out, you felt butterflies now even though the date had gone well.

Is he going to kiss me?

Do I want him to kiss me?

He buckled Mylo into his seat and then turned towards you to open the door for you, ever the gentleman.

“I had a lovely evening sunflower, would you like to see each other again?” You saw that he was hopeful as he asked and you already knew you would have said yes.

“I’d like that, I had a great time too.” You realized then that you lingered, not wanting to get into the car just yet and he took the opportunity.

He leaned in slowly, watching your mouth, lips parted slightly and back up to your eyes and you knew that he was asking permission. You closed the distance and kissed him.

It was a soft kiss, so soft it made your lips tingle. He kept it chaste, not wanting to push it further and you couldn’t express how grateful you were to him for that. He took your hand in his as you got into your car and kissed your knuckles.

“I’ll see you tomorrow sunflower.” He smiled and waited outside until you drove away.

-

The smile wouldn’t go away, not while you carefully brought Mylo in, not while you took a shower before bed. Not even while you lay there in the dark. It was plastered in your face and you felt like a teenager again. You could still feel the kiss as you drifted off.

-

He was hugging you but it was wrong

This didn’t feel like your husband, but you couldn’t let go - the shape of him didn't feel right. You couldn’t see his face, but you did see the yellow swirl of fabric as he wrapped himself around you.

Sunflower - you look lovely

Oberyn? You’re not supposed to be here…This was his space

He’s already gone my love

-

You jolted awake in a cold sweat. The tears were heavy and hot as you remembered, your dreams were always his space. The one place you could see him, you let the grief engulf you then. Knew you needed to wallow in it full for a few minutes before you could even attempt to let it go.

Part of you wanted to run, leave and never come back. Never see Oberyn again, abandon your life here with Mylo and take off just the two of you; but what good would that do? Would it bring your husband back? No. Would it make you happy? No. Could you bear the thought of pulling Mylo out of a place he loved so much over a dream? No.

Oberyn sensed your sadness when you walked in through the door. He had been waiting for you, it made you feel guilty to see him wilt slightly at your expression.

“Sunflower, have I done something to upset you?” He took Mylo into his arms as he spoke to you and you felt even worse then. How could you explain your feelings?

“No of course not - I had a wonderful time yesterday, I just- I don’t know how to explain it…” You tried to convey your feelings but the words failed you.

“Try, I want to try to understand - let us be honest with each other.” He wasn’t upset, he spoke calmly and you could feel that he meant it. He wanted you to open up, so you did.

“Sometimes, when I dream - I see my husband. Yesterday, I saw you and it hurt me… this is insane, I know it’s just a dream, but I felt like I betrayed him. I think I’m going insane.” You heard how it sounded, the embarrassment threatening to eat you alive in that moment and you swore that if he laughed at you then you’d leave and never come back. He didn’t laugh.

“You feel guilty that you saw me instead of him, that I’m somehow replacing him?” He was gently rubbing soothing circles onto you back as he held your son in his arms. You nodded weakly, tears threatening to overflow.

“Sunflower, I can never replace your husband, nor would I want to. I don’t want you to see me as a substitute for him, I want you to see me as I am. My own person and if this goes as well as I hope it will then our relationship will be something new. Not better, not a replacement- something new altogether, something ours. If you feel like you need more time then say the word and we will hold off.” He looked at you with such tenderness, such understanding, you knew in your heart this was right. You had to let the hurt pass.

“Thank you, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want you to replace him either, I want to continue this with you.” Your voice was thick with emotion and Mylo, sensing your mood reached over to hug you. It felt like a catharsis and you clutched at him. Oberyn held both of you and whispered that he too wanted this with you.

You felt lighter as you drove to work, the pain over losing the love of your life would never go away and not seeing him where you expected to hurt more than you thought, but you had to stop this. He would not want you to live your life this way.

-

The two of you continued your shy courting, you went out for dinner a few times - coffee dates and long walks. He took you to museums and art galleries - he never pushed you beyond a kiss here or there and you were grateful for that. It had been a long time since you’d slept with anyone new and you were a bit nervous.

You had asked him to come to your place for dinner, that you would cook for him. Ellaria- like always volunteering to watch Mylo for the two of you. It was nice to have him at your place, he blended right in. No shyness as he made himself at home - helping you with dinner, tidying up as you went along. You made a good team.

He complimented your cooking, and asked if he could take some home for his girls to try which you loved. You were packing up the rest when he came up behind you, his arms encircling you and stopping you from continuing. You couldn’t help but smile, it was so nice to have someone hold you like this.

“Thank you for a wonderful meal, sunflower it was lovely.” He kissed your shoulder and you craned your neck, unconsciously giving him more room which he took advantage of. You could feel his breath ghosting along your skin, it sent pleasant shivers down your spine. You turned to face him and the look on his face was so warm, so inviting - it did something to you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and slowly brought him closer to you, he smiled into the kiss at first, but it disappeared when you licked along the seam of his mouth. He granted you entry and slanted his mouth to better fit yours, taking the opportunity to explore your mouth thoroughly. He dipped you slightly as his hunger for you shined through, it was so good it made you ache, he was a very good kisser and you moaned into his mouth. You grabbed at the back of his head to keep him close while his hands lowered until he boldly grabbed handfuls of your ass. You bit his lip and he groaned into your mouth. He pulled away much too soon.

“I could devour you…” he spoke into your neck, between open mouthed kisses, sucking lightly at the skin below your ear. You felt the arousal pooling in your belly at his words and his kisses and all of a sudden you were desperate for him. You pulled him towards the couch wordlessly and you all but pushed him onto it. You quickly straddled him and kissed him with as much passion and urgency as you could without hurting him. He responded eagerly, matching your intensity. You roughly pulled his clothes and although you could feel his excitement between your legs, he stopped you.

“Sunflower, are you sure?” he gasped when you bit his neck, soothing it quickly with your tongue.

“Yes, I’m ready, I’m so ready..” You kissed him roughly again, conveying just how ready you were by rolling your hips onto him. He quickly moved his arms to take off his shirt, accidentally bumping his head into yours, you both laughed at the absurdity of it. Looking more like teenagers in your urgency to disrobe.

“Are you okay?” you were both laughing as he rubbed at the place where his head connected with yours, smoothing the hurt away from you: in more ways than he realized.

“Yes - a little embarrassed and I feel like we’re both going to have goose eggs in a few hours but I’m fine. Are you okay?” You tried to soothe the pain on his forehead.

His expressions softened a little, he took your hands in his and kissed them.

“Lets try this again.” He slowly took your shirt off and your bra. Then his shirt and held you close to him; he kissed you deeply, the laughter was gone and you felt the arousal again as he trailed his kisses down your body. Your neck, your collarbone, your chest. His tongue licking each nipple like his life depended on it. He was devouring you as promised and you were determined to let him. Your hands held his hair as he continued to kiss and lick at your chest and you couldn’t take it anymore. It had been so long.

You got up and took the rest of your clothes off and he took the opportunity to do the same, the frenzy was back and your eyes widened at the sight of him. Hard and leaking with precum. You hastily climbed onto him, he protested slightly-

“Sunflower, I want to taste you first -” You cut him off.

“We have plenty of time - right now I just want to ride you.” He groaned at your urgency and you grasped him in your hand, pumping him a few times because you needed to touch the velvety skin of his cock. When you finally guided him into you and sat flush to him it was heaven. He was splitting you open and you could have cum just from the noises he made. He grabbed at your ass and helped you roll your hips, the pressure against your clit was almost perfect.

“So tight, so wet for me..” he moved forward quicker than you would have thought, causing you to scramble and clutch at his shoulders. “I’ve got you, I need more.” He lowered you onto the floor in your living room, spreading your thighs wide to settle in between them.

His hips snapped forward again and again and again and the rhythm was tightening and tightening that coil in your belly. You raised your legs to lock them high on his hips - god he was so deep like this - you could barely control the whimpers escaping your mouth with every thrust. He rested his head onto your forehead, the two of you seemingly sharing the same air. It was so good and you were so close, the sound of him slipping into your wet heat over and over was only serving to push you closer towards your climax.

“You’re so wet sweet girl, are you close? I want you to cum, I want to fuck you through your high.” he bit your lip as he spoke and you moaned - all you could do was nod frantically, you were so close. He felt you trying to raise your leg higher and he helped you, leaning onto one arm so he could hook your thigh under the other. You were so open for him and the new angle caused your eyes to practically roll into the back of your head.

“There it is, that’s where you want it huh? Right there? Rub your clit sunflower, make yourself cum on my cock.” he was hitting something white hot and blinding with each thrust and when you obeyed him you came undone, seizing up almost painfully. He didn’t stop. He sped up, chasing his own climax at the rush of your arousal soaking him.

“Can I cum inside?” he was frantic now, his thrusts turning into a steady grind which felt almost sinful.

“Yes yes please, I want to feel you.” you kissed him through it and he fell onto you, you felt him twitching inside of you, felt the cum dripping out of you as he collapsed onto your chest. Both of you breathing hard.

The laughter came then, bubbling up as a giggle at first. Then it was full-throated and it hurt your belly. You had just had sex on your livingroom floor and you felt so light and happy for the first time in so long you couldn’t control it.

He propped himself up onto his elbow to watch you as you laughed, a big smile on his face.

“I sincerely hope that you’re laughing from happiness and not at my performance.” He said it with a grin and you knew he wasn’t at all self-conscious. You slapped playfully at his chest and he snatched up your hand to kiss it. “I love to hear you laugh Sunflower, seeing you like this is wonderful.” he leaned into you and kissed you deeply, making you sigh into his mouth.

“I haven’t felt this way in a long time, I don’t even know what to do with myself.” It almost made you nervous, somehow expecting the other shoe to fall. He saw your emotions written across your face and he pulled you closer.

“Enjoy it, this was good - we both enjoyed it and you deserve to feel good. Now, let’s get up off the floor or I will be useless tomorrow.” He got up, helping you up after. He went to get dressed but you stopped him, pulling him instead towards your room; you pulled him into your bathroom to shower.

As you helped each other wash, you realized how much you missed this kind of intimacy with another person. As he washed your skin, he wasn’t only getting rid of the day, he was washing away part of your sadness, replacing the ache with hope. Hope that this could grow into something bigger, something more serious.

-

Ellaria wouldn’t let you move, you had to keep reminding her that you had been pregnant before and that you were perfectly capable of making yourself tea. She was having none of it.

It was so strange - you never in a million years would have thought that this kind of relationship would have worked but it did. Oberyn had made a commitment to you and was willing to do anything to make you happy - except be away from his children. Which as far as you were concerned was not an option, you wanted him to be there for them. When he tentatively suggested you moving into the big house and helping with the daycare it seemed almost natural. Ellaria was almost like a sister at this point, and you loved their girls like they were your own.

When you found out you were pregnant, you momentarily thought it might be a problem - that he might not want another child but you were wrong in that as well. He was overjoyed. He was over the moon - he was suggesting new names every day. Ellaria was ecstatic. They doted on you constantly. It was unconventional, but it was your life now and you couldn’t imagine it any other day.

“Good morning my sunflower, and just how is the little prince this morning?” he came down to find you drinking your tea, you were really showing now. He kneeled in front of you, the sun shining in through a window - giving him an ethereal glow.

“How are you so convinced it’s a boy? It could be a girl.” You laughed as he lifted your shirt and kissed your belly. The baby kicked, sensing it’s father. He smiled and pressed his cheek to it.

“I just know it’s a boy-” Ellaria cut him off.

“Oh please Oberyn, you know you only make girls.” She laughed, coming over to rub your belly lovingly. “I know you’re a little princess.” She smiled warmly at you.

You laughed to yourself as they discussed the baby, the light making him look like the sun - shining at you.

Sunflowers always turn towards the sun.

---

Let me know if you do not want to be included in all things Pedro

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[thetravelerwrites]

Bashir (Troll) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Female Human/Male Troll (World of Warcraft Design) Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Troll, Fake Dating, Hired Boyfriend, Fake Boyfriend Content Warnings: Stalker Ex-Boyfriend, Stalking, Mention of Guns, Brief Violence Series: OkCryptid Words: 6365

A commission for @floral-and-fine​​! A woman getting out of a bad relationship has moved across her home state to get away from her controlling ex-boyfriend, only for him to show up at her job. Scared, she goes on OkCryptid to recruit a "boyfriend" in hopes of frightening him off. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

>Hi. I know we don’t know each other and this is pretty sudden, but I have a proposition for you, and it isn’t what you think.

Vague, yes, but it would catch his attention quickly enough, you thought. You were desperate and didn’t know what else to do.

>Oh, He messaged not long after. >What would that be?

>I want to pay you to go out with me for a while.

>I’m not a prostitute. Lol

>That’s not what I mean, You replied, rolling your eyes. >I know this sounds weird, and if I had more money I’d probably just hire a bodyguard, but I don’t.

>Why would you need a bodyguard?

You sighed. >I have a stalker ex-boyfriend. I dated him for about five months, but he was really possessive and crazy so I broke it off, and now he won’t leave me alone. I moved here last month from across the state and he followed me. He showed up at my work today.

>Ah, I see. So you want me to rip his arms off?

>No, I just want him to see me with someone who is big enough to rip his arms off. Maybe it’ll scare him away. You’re the biggest guy I could find on here. Well, I did find a cyclops that was pretty big, but she wasn’t interested.

>Have you gone to the police about this?

>Yeah, but they said unless I get proof he has intent to do harm, there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even get a restraining order unless he hurts me or causes property damage. It’s like he has to beat me up before they’ll do anything, and I’d rather not let it get that far.

>Gotcha. Why don’t we don’t meet for coffee tomorrow and talk it over?

>That sounds great. I’m free at lunch.

>Me too. I’ll meet you at Leo’s Diner, you know that one?

>No, but I can Google it. See you tomorrow at 11.

Bashir arrived right on time at eleven the next morning. He was a large troll, dark blue in color, with large, off-white tusks jutting out from the sides of his mouth and his long red hair braided in several placed and pulled back at the nape of his neck. He was muscular, thick in the waist, and around nine feet tall. He wore a suit, which was finely tailored to his body. You raised your eyebrows: his profile was sparse, so you didn’t know what kind of job he did; you’d only chosen him because of his picture. But dressed like that, you were surprised he even agreed to take this “job.”

“Hi, you’re the one I’m supposed to meet today, right?” He said, extending his hand.

“Yes,” You replied, standing and shaking his hand. Your hand was dwarfed in his. “Thanks for agreeing.”

“It’s no trouble,” He said, gesturing for you to sit back down as he took a seat opposite you. “So tell me about this boyfriend of yours.”

“Ex-boyfriend,” You said. “His name is Jake. I met him at work; we worked in the same department. He seemed nice, so when he asked me out, I didn’t think anything of saying yes. The first two months was fine, and were got along really well. As soon as we decided to be exclusive, he got really clingy really quickly. Every time I’d try to pull away, he’d clutch at me tighter. He started pressuring me to put distance between me and my friends, he wanted to know where I was all the time, he was constantly texting and calling and got mad when I didn’t respond right away. I got sick of it and broke up with him.”

“When did the stalking start?”

“Almost immediately. It didn’t help that we still worked in the same department, so I had to see him every day. He’d show up at my house after work and on the weekend. He’d either be super angry and demand that I let him in, or he’d be there with flowers and candy and cry and tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, that he was sorry and he’d do better. He kicked my door in a couple of times and I had to call the police. I finally managed to get a restraining order against him, but it didn’t really help. He couldn’t come within five hundred feet, so he would stand on the curb exactly five hundred feet from my house and just watch the house. I was scared for my life. So I quit my job and moved across the state with just my savings. I found a job and I started last week. And yesterday, they said I had a new client, and it was him.”

“What did you do?”

“I freaked out and called security, telling them I had a restraining order against him. He mistakenly thinks the restraining order is void because I moved, but I called and that’s not the case at all.” You sighed in aggravation. “I really hope this asshole doesn’t get me fired.”

“Hmm,” He said. “So what’s your offer?”

“Hmm?” You asked.

“You said you’d pay. What’s your offer?”

“Oh,” You said, surprised. “Uh, fifty bucks per date, plus the date expenses. I can’t really afford more than that.”

“That sounds fair. Okay,” He said. “I’ll do it. You just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

“Really?” You replied. “You’ll take the job?���

“Sure,” He said. “I’ve got some free time, and the extra money will be nice. I could buy a new suit in a month.” He grinned and plucked at his own, no doubt worth several months of dates.

“That’s great, thank you,” You said, sighing in relief. “So, Friday night? Around six o’clock? Would that work?”

“Absolutely,” He said, pulling out his phone. “Give me your phone number. I’ll add it to my contacts. That way, if you see him, you can call or text and I can head over and do the arm ripping thing.”

You laughed and took out your phone.

After exchanging information, the two of you had lunch and discussed the finer points of the job. PDAs were acceptable, but you’d prefer if he didn’t kiss you. He had a nine-to-five job, just like you, but his position was flexible and let him leave the office for errands, as long as he didn’t abuse the privilege. You left the lunch feeling a little safer.

Friday night, you met him at a nice Greek restaurant, and he wore another nice bespoke suit. He offered to pick you up at your home, but you didn’t really want him to know where you lived. You were still pretty paranoid about Jake finding out.

“I’m surprised you chose this place, considering you’re footing the bill and everything,” Bashir said, looking around. “It’s pretty fancy.”

“It has to look believable,” You reasoned. “And I do like Greek food. If you like, you can pick the place next time.”

He chuckled. “Have you ever had Mediterranean troll food?”

“No, I haven’t,” You said, interested. “What’s it like?”

“It’s very similar, except there’s no bread of any kind.”

“So what do you eat the hummus on?”

“You drink it like sauce.”

“You’re not supposed to drink sauce!” You protested.

He snickered.

“I feel like you’re making this up.”

“Maybe, but you’ve never met any Mediterranean trolls, so you don’t know.”

“Are you a Mediterranean troll?”

“I am, actually,” He said. “My parents came over from Morocco when I was a tot. I don’t remember much about Morocco, but I’ve always dreamed of going on a trip there, I’ve just never had the chance.” He gave a cursory look over the menu. “Maybe that’s what I’ll use this money for.”

“Sounds nice to me,” You said. “If we both get something good out of this, then that’s a plus.”

“What do you get out of this, other than getting rid of a bothersome ex?”

“Security and peace of mind,” You said, picking up your own menu. “That’s worth the price.”

He looked at you seriously. “This guy really shook you up, didn’t he?”

You set the menu back down and sighed. “He’s never hit me or threatened me verbally. The most he’s ever done is break my door, but…” You looked out of the window. “I feel like… it wouldn’t be hard, you know? It wouldn’t be that much of a leap from breaking my door in to doing something worse. If he gets mad enough, if he gets obsessed enough, who knows what he could do. All I know is that I don’t want to find out.”

“I understand,” He said. “I’ve never had to deal with something like that, because… well, look at me…” He gestured at his massive body. “But I do know people who have, and it sounds terrifying. I’m glad I can help, even if I am getting paid to do it.”

You smiled. “Well, it helps that you’re good company.”

“You don’t have to flirt with me, you know,” He teased. “That’s not part of the deal.”

“I will throat-punch you,” You said with a grin, and he laughed.

The next date was the following Saturday, and he chose to go to a concert. He wore a black v-neck shirt and a pair of black slacks, which was as dressed down as you’d seen him, but still very business-casual. It was a showcase of up-and-coming local bands, and they were all pretty good. You didn’t know that he liked Djent and progressive metal, too, but you were happy to have a common interest.

In truth, Bashir was pleasant to be around, and you were relieved that this entire thing wasn’t as awkward as it could have been. It definitely helped make this “dating” business look real from an outsider perspective. He held up his end of the bargain really well over the next dozen dates, holding your hand and putting an arm around you as if it was perfectly normal to do so. Thankfully, it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable when he did it, as he was very warm and the height difference meant he couldn’t be too cuddly naturally. You hoped that if Jake was watching, he believed you’d moved on and had no thoughts for him.

Unfortunately, if he was watching, he didn’t take the hint.

One night, as you were turning off lights and getting ready for bed, you looked out of your bedroom window and there he was, standing on the curb across the street, Jake stood in the shadow of a tree, vaping, and looking toward your house.

Panicked, you didn’t your best to stay calm while you were at the window, not wanting him to know you had seen him, but as soon as you walked away, you turned off the bedroom lights, snatched up your phone, dashed downstairs, and frantically checked the windows and doors, making sure they were all locked.

You meant to call the police, but instead, you dialed Bashir’s number. He answered immediately.

“What’s up?” He asked, sounding caught off guard. You weren’t surprised, you never called or texted him unless it was about the next “date.”

“Jake’s outside,” You whispered. “He’s across the street, I’m looking at him right now from my living room window.”

“Are you sure it’s him?”

“I’d recognize that stupid snakeskin vape box anywhere,” You said.

“Okay,” He said. “I’m heading over. Stay on the phone with me until I get there. Do you have a landline?”

“Yeah,” You replied.

“Get it and call the police. Don’t tell them he’s stalking you because, well frankly, they won’t care. Say you’re a concerned member of the neighborhood and there’s a suspicious man hanging around outside and you’re worried about a break in.”

It wouldn’t have been a lie. “Okay,” You said, picking up your cordless phone.

After calling the police, you waited with your heart in your throat, listening to Bashir get into his car and drive. He’d heard you tell the operator your address. He arrived before the police did, his vehicle a nondescript SUV, and he got out wearing sweat pants and a tank top and pulled a duffel bag from his passenger seat. He didn’t acknowledge Jake at all, simply walked up to your door and knocked. You went to open the door for him.

“Hug me and kiss my cheek,” He said in a low undertone. Gulping, you did as he said with him turning so that your display of affection was clearly visible to anyone watching from the street. You let him in and closed the door behind him, locking it.

“What now?”

“Let’s turn on the lights and make some coffee while we wait for the police,” He said.

“Okay,” You said, your voice shaking. You went to go into the kitchen but he stopped you by taking your hand.

“Hey,” He said gently. “You’re going to be okay. I’m here, and the police are coming. You’re safe.”

Tears came to your eyes and you nodded, wiping them. He released you and you went to the kitchen, putting a pot of coffee on.

The police arrived. You and Bashir watched covertly from the breakfast nook. Eventually, Jake walked to a car and got in it, driving away. The police followed him.

“They let him go?” You asked, worried.

“Well, they may not have know he has a restraining order, and even if they did, he looked plenty far away enough to not have violated it. He wasn’t breaking any laws other than loitering, so they couldn’t arrest him. At least they made sure he left.”

You held your head in your hands. “God, I don’t want to have to do all this over again.”

“It’s okay,” He said. “I’ll stay the night to make sure he doesn’t come back tonight.”

“What about tomorrow? Or the next day? You can’t be here all the time,” You said, your voice shaking.

He sighed heavily. “Do you know how to use a gun?”

You scoffed in disgust. “I don’t want a fucking gun.”

“Okay,” He said. “Then, I’ll put up a security system. I brought one with me; it’s in my bag. I’ll set it up tonight while he’s not here.”

“It’s late,” You said weakly.

“Do you want to sleep or do you want peace of mind?” He asked you levelly.

You scrubbed your face, took a deep breath, drained your coffee cup, and stood up. “Okay. Let’s do it, then.”

It took a few hours, but he managed to get several security cameras fixed to the building, focused on entryways and the front and back yards. You helped him by holding the equipment and tools for him as he worked, handing up what he needed as he needed it. By the time the two of you were done, it was three a.m. and you both had to be at work in mere hours.

The two of you fell into an exhausted sleep on your bed. You didn’t even have the energy to be affronted by the fact that you were sharing a bed with him. The next morning, before he left to go home and get ready for work, he downloaded the security camera app onto your phone and showed you how to use it.

You went to work, checking your phone surreptitiously to see if Jake was outside of your house. So far, he hadn’t reappeared.

>Today’s Friday, You texted him. >I know you’re probably tired after last night, but do you want to have a date today?

>What about a home date at my house? He replied. >I’ll cook dinner and everything. I don’t want you to be at your house at the moment.

>I can’t argue with that, You said in return. >Sounds good to me. What are you cooking?

>I was thinking a kefta meatball tagine with couscous on the side, and a snake pastry for dessert.

>That sounds amazing. Thanks for putting me up. I know this all is a huge inconvenience, and I really appreciate it.

>It’s no problem,” He said. >It’s what I’m getting paid for, right?

You sighed. Well, this wasn’t exactly what he was getting paid for. How much would an overnight stay cost you?

He sent you a message with his address and you went home after work to shower and pack a small overnight bag. You snickered, pulling out your pretty underwear and a sexy negligee, wondering if you should pack this, too, before putting it away and just throwing some pajamas in your bag.

Checking the cameras before stepping outside, you left the house and hurried to your car, heading to Bashir’s house. His place was a two-story, bungalow style house with a dark brown cliffstone brick pattern and a detached garage. It was charming, and a lot cuter than your tiny yellow ranch-style house. The yard was well kept and three were full flowerbeds next to the wide porch. You wouldn’t have imagined he lived in a place like this.

You knocked on the door and he answered it quickly, wearing a comfortable t-shirt and pair of tight jeans. You tried not to stare, but it was difficult. His clothes left very little to the imagination. His hair was also down and cascaded down his back and shoulders.

“Come in, come in,” He said, taking your bag for you.

“Thanks,” You said. “Your house is really pretty.”

“Oh, thanks!” He said. “It was actually condemned when I bought it. I basically had to rebuild it from the ground up. I’m not quite finished with it yet, but I’m happy with the progress.”

“You should be, it’s amazing,” You said. “I’d never have guessed it was a fixer-upper.”

He grinned at you, showing off his sharp teeth. “Come on, dinner will be ready soon.”

“It smells great,” You said, inhaling the savory smell of lamb and vegetables.

“All my mom’s recipes,” He replied, heading into the kitchen. “She owns a restaurant three towns over.”

“I’ll have to go and visit it sometime,” You said.

“Maybe I’ll take you myself one day,” He said, smiling as he stirred the couscous. Your heart fluttered a little.

How long were you going to have to keep this up? “Dating” Bashir was fun, but it wasn’t going to last forever. Either Jake would give up or get arrested, so either way, it would be over. Maybe you could stay friends. He was nice enough, and you enjoyed hanging out with him. But still… why was he talking about things that might happen in the future if there was no future for the two of you?

Dinner was delicious, and so was dessert, and afterward the two of you went to the living room to watch a movie. He even put his arm around you, since the window was uncovered and anyone could look in, he said, and you felt comfortable enough to relax into his side. It almost did feel like a real home date.

After the movie, though, you both decided to sleep, since you were still tired from the night before. You decided that you were both adults and could share a bed without it being awkward, and besides, his bed was huge and could fit five of you easily. You both fell asleep almost immediately.

Sometime during the night, you got a ping from the motion detector on your phone, but when you checked the security system, it was just a raccoon in your trashcan. You sighed and put your phone down, rolling over.

Bashir was on his back, asleep, with his face turned toward you. He was breathing deeply and relaxed with one hand on his chest and the other on his stomach.

You couldn’t help but stare. He really was an attractive guy, and if circumstances had been different, you might have dated him for real. But… until Jake left you alone, you didn’t want to drag anyone else into it. Bashir didn’t have any emotional connection to you, so Jake couldn’t affect whatever “relationship” you had.

But maybe things could be different after? You weren’t sure. He hadn’t expressed any interest in you other than what he had to to make the job believable. He hadn’t been flirty or more affectionate than he needed to be. You couldn’t afford to develop feelings for Bashir, not right now.

Even still, you brushed your fingers gently against the skin of his arm, feeling the hairs that covered it, and followed the curve up to his hand, allowing yours to rest on top of his for a moment or two before retracting it and trying to fall asleep again, sighing heavily.

The next morning, Bashir recommended that the two of you spend the day together, to keep up the weekend stay appearance.

“How much is this ‘weekend getaway’ going to cost me?” You asked dubiously.

He laughed. “Don’t worry, today’s a freebie, since I suggested it. You still have to pay for last night, though. The normal fifty bucks is fine.”

“Mm-hmm,” You hummed flatly, fishing the money out of your wallet and handing it to him. “Well, what do you want to do?”

“Ah, it’s a freebie day, right? You get to choose this time.”

You smiled. “Well, let’s start with breakfast. I’ll cook it. I can cook breakfast blindfolded.”

“If you like,” He said, sitting at the bar in the kitchen and watching you putter around, looking for cooking tools.

After breakfast, you decided you wanted to go to the local botanical garden, which you hadn’t been to in some time.

“Your flowerbeds outside reminded me of this place,” You told him, walking slowly through the rows of Japanese maples. There was a beautiful and an extremely rare Chinese Red Maple behind a gate at the end of the row, the centerpiece of the garden. “Did you plant them yourself?”

“Yep,” He said with a smile. “I helped my dad do a lot of gardening when he was still alive. He had a landscaping business, but he was really passionate about it. I actually inherited the business. Gardening helps me keep his memory alive.”

“That’s really sweet,” You said, smiling softly. “Is that what you do for a living, the landscaping job? I’ve never actually asked what you do for work.”

“No, actually. I mean, I own the company, but I don’t work for it. My actual job is something else entirely.”

“What is it?”

He laughed. “Honestly, I don’t think you’d believe me.” Before you could ask, he took you by the hand and said, “Let’s take a break and get a coffee. I have to use the bathroom.”

“Okay,” You said, letting the subject drop. For now.

You got to the food court outside of the botanical gardens and sat down at the outdoor cafe.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” He said, putting some money down on the table. “Can you order me a large black coffee?”

“Yeah, sure,” You said. He smiled and headed off. You got up and put in your order, then sat back down at the table and opened the security app, looking through the cameras and checked to see if anything was out of place.

The chair opposite to you was pulled out and he sat back down while you were still looking at your phone.

“The coffee should be out soon,” You said.

“I didn’t order coffee,” A voice said. It wasn’t Bashir.

You jerked your head up and saw Jake sitting across from you. You stood up so fast that you knocked the chair over.

“Get away from me, Jake,” You said.

“Look, just talk to me,” He said, standing up and advancing on you. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”

“Get away from me!” You shouted. “Bashir!”

“Are you calling for that monster?” He sneered. “You could do so much better than him. Besides, you’re not even really dating him, you’re just paying him to keep you company, you slut. You think I wouldn’t figure that out?”

“Fuck you!” You back up. “Bashir!”

Jake was snatched back and slammed down onto the cafe table. Bashir had him pinned down with a single hand. It wasn’t hard to do: Bashir was almost twice the size of Jake in height and weight.

“Let me go!” Jake said, struggling against Bashir’s iron grip. “I’ll have you arrested! My brother’s a cop!”

“Ah, that explains how you got her address so quick,” Bashir said. “I don’t really care if your brother’s a cop. Actually, I think I do, I think an internal affairs investigation is warranted. Regardless, you’ve just violated a restraining order.”

“What does it matter to you?”

Bashir snorted. “I’m FBI, dickless.”

You gaped at him.

“Bullshit!” Jake said. “I’ll fucking sue you! I’ll ruin your fucking life!”

“Whatever you want, you’re still under arrest,” Bashir said, pulling out a set of handcuffs from an inside pocket of his jacket.

“You’re kidding,” You said slowly, staring at Bashir.

“I told you you probably wouldn’t believe me,” He said, grinning at you sheepishly. He jerked his head at his jacket. “My ID is in my pocket.”

You reached in and fished it out, opening the leather fold to reveal a… rather official looking ID and badge.

You laughed in disbelief. “You’re right, I wouldn’t have.”

The police arrived to detain Jake and took him to the station. Bashir drove you to the station, as well, so that you could make a statement.

Later, Bashir drove you back to your house.

“I’ll bring your bag over later,” He said. “He’ll probably get ninety days in jail for violating the restraining order, and hopefully you won’t have to deal with him anymore. Although, if you hear from him again once he gets out, let me know, and I’ll be here.”

“Thanks,” You said. “Really, thank you for everything.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Here,” He said, handing it to you. Inside was all the money you had given him for the dates, plus some. There had to have been almost two thousand dollars in there.

“But this is…”

He laughed. “I’m a federal official, you know. I can’t take bribes. I’d get fired.”

“This wasn’t…” You started, but stopped yourself. This could absolutely be seen as a bribe. “What do I do with all this?”

He shrugged. “Whatever you like. Go on a trip. Buy something nice. It’s your money, after all.”

You sighed a little sadly. “I guess this is it, then.”

He sighed, too. “Yeah, I guess so.” He leaned forward, bent down, and kissed you on the cheek. “Take care of yourself.”

Jake did end up getting three months in jail, which made you feel a lot better. You were worried that he would come after you, but the three months passed and when he was released, he moved clear across the country and you never heard from him again.

Finally free of him, you thought you might try actually dating again, but you could only think of Bashir. You and he had only spoken a few times, mostly him checking on you, but you hadn’t seen each other since Jake’s arrest. You missed him, but you couldn’t tell him that. He didn’t have any feelings for you, anyway. If he did, wouldn’t he have asked you out after Jake was out of the picture?

Even still, you wanted to see him again. So once Jake was gone, you texted Bashir.

>I have something for you, You told him.

>Oh? What’s that?

>I want to give it to you in person. Would it be okay to come over this weekend?

>I’m free now. Why don’t you stop by?

>Okay. I’ll be there soon.

Before leaving, you hesitated and decided to throw on your best, sexiest underwear. Just in case.

You arrived at his house to find him out in the front yard. He was digging a hole in the yard with a sapling sitting in a bucket, ready for planting. There were also stones and gravel he was going to use for a decorative barrier. He stood up and waved as you drove up into the driveway.

“Hey!” He said, pulling you into a hug. Well, as well as he could, being so tall. “It’s good to see you!”

“You too!” You said. “What kind of tree is that?”

“A Chinese Maple,” He said. “I got inspired when we went to the botanical gardens that time. It cost a pretty penny and I had to wait for the cutting to grow, but it’s finally ready to plant.”

“That’s so cool,” You said. “Can I help?”

“Really?” He said, grinning. “Yeah, sure! There’s a pair of gloves over there on the porch. They might be a little big, but it’s better than blisters.”

You ran to retrieve them, and picked up a trowel. “Why did you decide on the maple?”

“Cause it reminds me of you,” He said, digging. “When I look out my window every day and see it, I’ll think of you.”

Your heart beat faster, but you couldn’t look at him.

It only took about an hour to dig out the hole, plant the sapling, fill the hole with soil, lay the stones, and spread the gravel. Thankfully it was a cool day and you didn’t sweat too much. The two of you caught up on what had happened in the three months since you’d seen each other. You wanted to ask if he had started dating, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“It looks great,” He said, standing back and grinning. “Thanks for your help! We got it done in record time. Let’s get cleaned up and have a drink.”

“Okay,” You said. “Let me grab my purse from the car.”

“Oh, right, you had something to give me, right?”

“Yep,” You told him, grabbing your bag.

He laughed. “Sorry I side-tracked you.”

“It’s fine, I had a good time,” You said. He opened the door for you and let you go into the house before him.

You went to the bathroom to freshen up and when you looked down, you realized your toothbrush was in the holder, the one you had forgotten when you’d stayed over. You had bought a new one and figured he’d just throw it away when he found it. Why had he kept it? Why was it in the holder with his?

You went back out into the kitchen and found him shirtless, water beading down the muscles of his back, and you stopped in the doorway, staring.

“Oh, sorry,” He said, laughing and throwing on a clean shirt. “Needed a quick wash. I felt a little grimy after the yardwork.”

“It’s okay,” You said, your heart still hammering in your chest.

“Iced tea?”

“Yeah, sure,” You replied, sitting at the bar. He poured you a drink and sat at the bar opposite you.

“So, what was the thing you had for me.”

You swallowed your tea a bit too hard and reached into your purse, handing him an envelope.

“This isn’t the money, is it?” He asked, smiling.

“No, it’s not money,” You said. “Open it.”

He grinned playfully at you, but it slipped from his face when he looked inside the envelope, pulling out two plane tickets.

“Morocco?” He asked, looking up at you in surprise.

You nodded. “Those are good for a year, so make sure you get some vacation time soon,” You said, anxious.

He stared at them. “There are two.”

“Yes,” You replied. “In case you wanted to take your mom. Or maybe a girlfriend or boyfriend or something.”

You kept your face as neutral as possible, but he was staring at you.

“The extra ticket is for you, isn’t it?” He asked softly.

You looked down and away. “If you don’t want me to go, that’s okay. You can take whoever you like. I just wanted you to have the trip you always dreamed of.”

He got up out of his chair, came around, and got down on his knees, so that he was face to face with you. He leaned forward and kissed you. It was firm and testing, and you responded, throwing your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around you as well.

“I missed you,” He murmured against your lips.

“Why didn’t you ask me out?” You asked him, pulling back to look at his face.

“I thought you weren’t interested in a real relationship,” He said, pulling you against him. “If I had any inclination you did, I would have asked you out on the spot.”

“I thought the same thing,” You said. “I never expected you’d actually like me.”

“I do,” He said, kissing you again and standing up. “I like you very, very much.”

He walked you into his room and lay you down on his bed, stripping your clothes off your body.

“Pretty,” He said with a grin as he came across your lacy black underwear. “Did you wear this for me?”

You bit your lip and nodded.

“Well, it would be a shame to take it off so soon, then, wouldn’t it?” He said, palming your breasts over the fabric of your bra. He touched your slit over your underwear, and you gasped. You lifted your leg and rubbed him through his pants, and he grunted. You felt him harden under your touch. He was… uh… large.

You pulled off his shirt and ran your nails down his chest. He moved his hand away and pressed himself against you, still clothed, grinding himself into your clit, and you moaned. You reached for his belt and unbuckled it, unbuttoning it, and pushed his pants down with your toes. Because of his long tusks, he couldn’t bend down to kiss you in this position, so he picked you up as if you were a doll, kissing your body. You were always a little self conscious about your weight, being a big girl, but he seemed not to notice.

He lifted you all the way up to his face, kneeling down so that you weren’t so high up, and licked the cloth covering your slit, putting your legs over his shoulders and his tusks under your body. Using just his tongue, he moved your underwear out of the way and teased your clit. His tongue was long and thick. You whimpered and rocked your hips against his tongue. He pushed it in side of you and thrust it back and forth, and you writhed in his grip.

Carefully, he pulled you down and eased you into his lap, pressing himself against your entrance. You pressed your hands against his stomach and watched him disappear slowly inside you. He couldn’t go all the way in, but once he reached the back and knew where the limit was, he pulled back out slowly and thrust in again slowly, easing you into it. He must have had a similar size problem in the past and had learned how to overcome it in these situations. You were glad for it.

He lay you on the edge of the bed and pressed your knees back, thrusting a little faster, and you reached down and touched yourself, rubbing quickly as he sped up. He pulled the cups of your bra down so that he could grasp your breasts, squeezing gently, and grunted. You held his hand there with your own, pulling up your head and sucking on his pointer finger, looking up at him through your lashes. His breathing was erratic and he watched you hungrily, his sharp teeth biting into his lower lip and pricking the skin.

“I’m so close,” You moaned. “I’m going to cum.”

He nodded as if in agreement, squeezing his eyes shut. He grimaced as if in pain, but then shouted, roaring, and released inside of you. It was a torrent, spraying out of you. Another few hip thrusts and circles around your clit, you came too, your head thrown back against the bed, crying out.

He pulled out and turned his head, resting it against your stomach as his arms gripped your sides, breathing hard. After a moment, you both sat up, and you realized that his legs were covered with his own release.

“Wanna get cleaned up?” You asked him.

“Yeah,” He said dreamily, standing up and leading you into the bathroom. You took a shower together, helping him clean himself. He did the same for you, kneeling down and washing your body. The way he knelt in front of you combine with the way he looked at you, it almost felt like he was worshiping you. Honestly, you didn’t mind that at all.

Your underwear would have to be washed, but he said you could borrow one of his shirts, if you wanted to. Honestly, you were happy to lounge in his bed naked. He seemed happy with that, too.

“When would you like to go?” You asked him, laying on his chest and playing with his chest hair. “To Morocco, I mean?”

“Soon,” He said, entwining his fingers in your hair. “I’ll put in for vacation time as soon as I get back to the office. I don’t really take vacations, so I’m sure my colleagues will be surprised.”

You smiled and kissed his skin. “I’ll have to put in for time off, too,” You said. “Although, I only just started working there six months ago, so they may not approve it.”

“Let me know when they do and I’ll schedule for the same time,” He said.

“Sounds good to me,” He said, sitting up and crossing his legs, looking down at you. You posed a little for him and he grinned, running his hands up and down the soft skin of your torso and belly. “You know what I’d like to do right now, though?”

“What’s that?” You asked.

“I want to take you on a date,” He said, smiling softly. “A real one. I'll pay and everything. And I want to be able to kiss you.”

You smiled back at him. “Deal.”

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My Masterlist

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[yesimwriting]

Searing Starlight (chapter two)

A/n Chapter twooo!! I cannot believe the support I’ve been getting on here im so excited to share my six of crows/shadow and bone fics with y’all!

 Lmk if you’d like to be tagged when I update this story!! And just letting y’all know I take requests so if you have an idea you’d like to see me attempt feel free to comment it or send it in :)) 

--

At least Kaz’s claimed ‘wraith’ (which is such an odd thing to just have) is a girl, and a seemingly kind one at that. She was quick to find me, body pressed into wooden shelves and glass bottles, and subtly gesture for me to follow her. It had been difficult to keep track of her flighty form through the crowd, but I think there was a point in her strange raveling, to make sure no one was following me. 

She’s not particularly talkative, but she doesn’t seem bothered by me. She tossed me a random oversized shirt to pull over my dress when she saw how I kept adjusting the fabric and crossing my arms. That was kinder than she needed to be. I think I’ll like her. 

“So you’re a wraith,” I manage, breaking the nervous silence, “Like a full time, constantly on-call wraith.” 

The question seems to puzzle her, dark eyebrows drawing together. “Yes.” The corner of her mouth twitches up slightly, a smile. “A full time, constantly on-call wraith.” She hesitates, perfect stance adjusting. “What were you doing before?” 

Great. This question. “Nothing important.” It’s not a fair cop-out. Especially since she answered my question. “I um...I’m indentured to Rollan Kenya.” 

I watch her reaction to the name. Some know of him. Some revere him. Some loathe him and everything he’s associated with. “His religious interpretations are controversial.” 

“If you think what he says to the public is bad you should hear what he says in private.” I push myself further into the chair I’m in. 

Something strange flickers over her features. “I can imagine.” 

Shaking my head, I hope I’m ending this conversation. “What’s your name?” 

A hesitation. “Inej.” 

I nod once, “I’m y/n.” 

“Do you need water, y/n?” 

I scratch my still exposed knee. “That’d be nice. Thank you.” 

She’s quick to leave, feet making no noise. A minute later she returns with a cup. I have no reason to suspect her, but I still sniff the cup before taking a cautious sip. I wonder if Anya made it back home. I wonder if she’s worse off for it. 

Before I can fall into a pit of debating despair, the door to the room Inej took me to squeaks open. On instinct, I snap my gaze towards the door, tensing. The first person I notice is Kaz, entering the room with a determination too intense for this time of night. Jesper is quick to follow, and I drop my stare. I’ve never had to interact with anyone I’ve lied to after taking their money. 

“Are they gone?” Inej asks, clearly accustomed to such brooding tension. 

Kaz nods once, “It took too much convincing--the Inferni’s more than she’s letting on.” 

I’m literally in the room. “I’m not--we’ve spoken two words to each other, sorry my abilities didn’t come up.” 

He turns towards me with a deadly grace. My grip on the cup tightens. What the hell is wrong for me? How deeply instilled is that god complex Kenya wanted in me? It must be as part of me as my name if I felt comfortable enough to speak that way to Kaz Brekker. 

I keep my eyes on his cane, waiting for some kind of physical retaliation. “Maybe the grisha hunting you would appreciate your sense of humor more.” 

It’s a bluff. He needs me. He’s desperate for something that can mimic a Sun Summoner. Still though, I’m not in the mood to poke a bear with a stick. “Speaking from experience,” I clear my throat awkwardly, “They tend not to.”

“Then I suggest you begin explaining before I decide I’d rather take my chances and you lose your worth.” 

Maybe if I hadn’t spent the last eleven years of my life with Kenya, his words would haunt me. I keep my expression set, but the lanterns in the room flicker. “It’s not as impressive as they’re making it seem--Inferni can produce fire, regular, red, bright fire.” I pause, feeling energy in my palms. “I can do the same, but I can also,” I extend a flat palm, “Do this.” 

I focus my energy on restraint, forcing the fire on my skin to remain there, covering my palms in a cold, blue glow. “It’s still fire, just blue--and that matters to them because blue light is the only kind you can use in the Fold.” Do they know anything about the fold? “Kenya, the man I’m indentured to, believes that this ability makes me eligible for Sainthood. He specializes in collecting people he thinks are eligible for Sainthood.” The low flame coating my palm licks upwards as I remember what disappointing Kenya means. “And if you don’t meet his standards, he’ll find a way to make sure you do. That’s why the grisha want me. He made me more and they believe that if they give me to someone who can give me an amplifier I’ll be able to produce enough blue light to protect an entire fleet.” 

“What do you mean ‘he’ll find a way to make sure you do’?” Inej’s voice is cautious. An attempt to be respectful. 

I drop my palm, letting the fire disappear into nothingness. “I wasn’t born with the ability to control the blue light so well--It’s difficult enough to produce for longer than two seconds let alone keep it from burning everything in sight. By the time I ended up in Kenya’s control he had learned that certain stimulants. Some scientists are working on a more grisha-targeted kind, but Kenya has managed to work with the generic well enough.” Hands shaking, I wipe the condensation off the side of the cup and hold out my wrist. Using the condensation, I begin to wipe at my wrist and forearm, smearing my makeup and revealing the needle bruises. “The key is withdrawals.”

Thoughts of begging Kenya, crying and screaming for another fix as he promised to give me that as soon as I showed some control of my abilities, make the shaking in my hand worse. I clasp my hands together, squeezing them in hopes of hiding the signs of withdrawal. 

I stare at the ground, not wanting to take anyone’s reaction in. I handle pity as well as I handle kindness. 

“Do you think you could produce enough blue light for one ship?”

Looking up, I take in Kaz’s measured expression. I’m glad he’s sticking to business. I’d rather that than deal with unpacking all of that with a group of strangers that don’t care if I live or die. 

“I could try.” I’ve never tried to protect anything that large. “Even if I can, it doesn’t mean a voyage like that will be safe.” 

“There’s no real safety in the Fold,” he replies easily. Realistic expectations. That will make this easier. “No one finds out about her--especially not Pekka Rollins.” 

I pull my arm towards my body, glad for the opportunity to hide the bruises. Signs of my weakness. The worst part was always the way Kenya would speak to me after. Pathetic. Weak. Trapped within the restraints of my flesh. 

“Who’s Pekka Rollins?” 

Kaz briefly turns his head in my direction. “No one that will ever concern you.” He ignores my annoyed huff. “We’ll use the Inferni to get to Alina Starkov.” 

Alina. Alina Starkov. “What do you want with Alina?”

 At that, the room seems to drain. I feel weirder than when they were seeing my abilities. 

“You know her?” Jesper’s surprise reveals more than Kaz wants him to. I don’t miss the glare he receives.

I half-shrug. “We were in the same orphanage for awhile.”

“How did you get to Ketterdam?” I don’t trust Kaz’s urgency. 

“I don’t remember, I was a child and I--I hit my head that night I think. I just woke up and I was with Kenya.” 

“How well do you know Alina?” 

There was a point in time in which she was my best friend. We learned how to braid hair by practicing on each other, we would draw maps together, and I was the only one who knew about her crush on Mal. “Not that well.” 

He takes a step forward, eyes almost squinting. The touch of distrust is evident on his face. “If you’re lying I’ll find out.” 

I owe Alina at least this. “Well then it’s a good thing I’m not.” 

I’m not naive enough to believe that I’ve convinced him, but his intense gaze does not remain on me. I’m relieved when his attention is off of me, but he’s only moving on to start planning the riskiest thing I’ve ever done. 

-- 

Taglist: @ambrosia-v-black 

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter thirteen: "Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"

Words count: 16,5K

Summary: Spencer's headaches don't seem to have a logical explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that he has been causing them to himself by overthinking something that's already clear: he has been an asshole, and he should tell reader how he feels. Reader realizes she's been stupid all along. And then, she goes out with James. Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Derek finally intervene.

Warnings: Cursing (but that's just my writing style), angst, hurt, and a little comfort from friends. There's a fight, alcohol consumption. Someone is getting drunk...

A/N: Ok, so... here we go!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

Words count: 16,5K

Summary: Spencer's headaches don't seem to have a logical explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that he has been causing them to himself by overthinking something already clear: he has been an asshole, and he should tell reader how he feels. Reader realizes she's been stupid all along. Will she go out with James? Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Derek finally intervene.

Warnings: Cursing (but that's just my writing style), angst, hurt, and a little comfort from friends. There's a fight, alcohol consumption. Someone is getting drunk...

A/N: Ok, so... things are slowly but surely happening here.

---

Spencer's point of view

- "That doesn't make any sense!"- I nearly lost it at my medical appointment. To be fair, I was losing my sanity for the last week, but that day, that minute, I have had enough.

- "I'm not sure what you want me to say,"- the doctor frowned, confused by my reaction.

- "So there's nothing wrong?"

- "Well, your scans are perfectly normal, and there doesn't seem to be any physical explanation for your headaches."

- "Well, what do I do now?"- I was lost. I was hoping he could tell me there was something physically wrong with me that we could fix. But apparently, everything was ok.

- "Well, have you considered..."

- "Considered what?"- I knew what he was implying, but I didn't want to deal with that. The doctor sighed and simply just said it.

- "A psychosomatic cause."

- "Psychosomatic?"

- "It just means mental or emotional stress..."

I had to cut the doctor right there, 'cos it was nearly insulting that he thought he needed to explain to me what that meant.

- "I know what psychosomatic means, doctor, but it's not that."

- "Well, I think it's something we should consider."

- "It's not... I'm not crazy!"- but yes, I was going a little crazy at the time.

- "Crazy? Dr. Reid, I'm not saying..."- the professional stared at me, shocked, as I put on my satchel and stood up.

- "I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light because there's something wrong with me physically, not mentally. It's not that."

- "That?"

- "Listen, doctor, my mother's a paranoid schizophrenic who's been institutionalized, so I know very well what mental illness looks like, maybe even better than you, and it's not that. It's not."

I walked to the door, but before I could leave or dramatically storm out, the doctor added one more thing.

- "Your headaches are more likely caused by stress due, I suspect, to your very consuming job. My recommendation is to take a few weeks off and have a real vacation. Disconnect from work, and relax. That's all."

The doctor seemed genuinely concerned, so I just nodded and walked out. My head was killing me, and to be honest, I wasn't thinking straight.

It was Thursday. My head was killing me. I hadn't spoken more than a handful of words with (Y/N) since last Friday, and to call it torture came short. It was consuming my whole life at that point. I hadn't slept more than maybe three hours that entire week. After we reached home from Miami, I focused on the paperwork and whatever request for information that crossed my desk.

But I wasn't blind, neither deaf nor stupid. No, I was stupid for wasting so many chances I had in almost five years to tell (Y/N) how much I loved her. Now I was doomed to look at her from a safe distance, as she enjoyed life with her new boyfriend. James.

I first heard his name Wednesday morning when a delivery boy showed up at the bullpen, asking for (Y/N). Everybody looked at her, and she blushed as she raised her hand, and the delivery boy gave her a small box and asked her to sign for the package.

- "What is that, pretty girl?"- Morgan asked when the delivery was gone, and he walked over to see what was into the box.

- "I have no idea... but it passed security, so I know it's not a bomb"- she chuckled and opened it.

- "Wow! Did you send her these, kid?"- Morgan looked at me chuckling, but as soon as he saw my serious expression, he frowned, confused.

- "This is incredible!"- it was the whole Jane Austen collection in a deluxe edition. It was gorgeous. She obviously loved it. And it came with a card.

- "Can't wait 'till Friday night. James"- Emily read out loud as (Y/N) stared at the box, blushing- "Ok missy, you have some explaining to do!"

But I didn't stick around to hear the rest of the story. I didn't need the torture. So I stood up and walked to the kitchenette to get another cup of coffee. And then I hid in the briefing room because I needed to be on my own for a while. I sat at the table and stared at my hands, trying to remain calm. I couldn't cry at work. I shouldn't show my true feelings when my friends were around. I didn't want them asking a million questions I didn't want to answer with the truth.

- "Sorry, man,"- Morgan said as he walked in and sat at the other side of the table- I thought you had sent her those books 'cos you have been acting all weird lately, and you were trying to get on her good side

- "Don't worry"- I tried to look cool and even smiled at Morgan, but he knew better than that.

- "So... how are you?"

- "I'm ok, you?"- I was annoyed already, but I knew there was no way out from that conversation

- "Kid, come on. You can talk to me."

- "There is nothing I wanna talk about right now. I am ok!"- I stood up and walked around the room, frustrated and trying not to yell.

- "Come on, Reid. It's getting painful to watch! You have to tell her how you feel!"- Derek stood up too, and I widened my eyes at his words, scared everybody downstairs might have heard us. I looked at the door; it was locked.

- "I don't want to talk about that now."

- "Man! Come on!"- but I passed by his side and ignored him, opening the door and basically running back to my desk.

From where I could clearly see (Y/N) blushing and staring at her books. Great.

That day went painfully slow. By the time I reached my apartment, I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally. My head was killing me, and all I wanted was to get under the covers of my bed with a book, a cup of herbal tea and make a massive effort to get some sleep.

Apparently, I was asking for too much. Ten minutes after my arrival, my bell rang, forcing my weary body to move from the couch to the door. Sadly, it wasn't (Y/N), the only person I wanted to see that minute. Instead, it was Ashley, and I had to pretend and smile when I saw her.

- "Hey! Am I interrupting something?"- she asked with a cheerful smile as she stood by the door and showed me a paper bag- I got some extra dumplings, and I thought you might like to share

- "Thank you, Ashley... but I already ate."- I lied and watched her leave the box on my table and take a look around- "Wait, where did you get my address?"

- "It's on the system."- she answered casually, and I frowned, thinking there had to be a better way to keep our information classified if we were FBI agents. Not that I didn't want Ashley to know where I lived, but... I just didn't want her there.

- "And what were you doing?"

- "Getting... really to bed, actually. I am weary."

- "And... Do you need any help?"- Ashley stood closer to me and smiled mischievously. I cleared my throat, feeling awkward and even a little embarrassed with her proposal.

- "No, thank you, I'm ok."

But she didn't get the hint. Instead, she ran her tongue through her lips very slowly and rested her hands on my hips. My whole body aches at that touch. Not because I craved more, but because it made me feel nervous and uneasy. I didn't want her to touch me, but I didn't want to be rude.

- "You know, Spence, (Y/N) has a boyfriend now, and she definitely moved on with her life. Maybe you should start thinking about doing the same."

- "I'm sorry?"- I frowned as I stared at her silly grin. She thought she was flirting, but instead, she was actually hurting me.

- "I saw her Friday with Anderson's friend. She seemed to be having a great time. Maybe it's time you have fun too."- she leaned in and tried to kiss me, but I took three steps back and shook my head right away.

- "No, Ashley, it's not like that,"- she frowned, confused, and blushed, embarrassed immediately.

-" What? But I thought you... I thought you liked me."

- "I'm sorry, Ashley, but..."- I hesitated in my answer, trying to find the right ways to reject her. I had never rejected anyone before in my entire life. I have never been lucky with girls at all.

- "But what? You don't want me?"

No. I didn't want her. Not even a little. Not even at all. But I couldn't tell her that just upfront. I had to sugarcoat it. I didn't want to hurt her, though. She wasn't a bad person. Just... Not the right person for me.

- "I'm sorry, Ashley. I am sure you are an amazing woman, and any man would be glad to..."

- "Not any man, Spencer. You! I want you!"- but I just shook my head and sighed.

- "I'm sorry."

That was all I managed to answer. Her cheeks kept blushing, and somehow, her eyes were tearing up too. I remembered (Y/N) once told me that she would involuntarily cry every time she was upset, which always made her feel weak. I thought I could tell Ashley crying was totally normal when one's upset. But instead, I just stayed quiet.

- "You know, she is with someone else now. So she clearly doesn't want you, Spencer. Why are you waiting for her?"

I could tell she meant to hurt me, but she couldn't do it. Why? I guess because I knew she didn't understand (Y/N) and me. She tried to make it seem like (Y/N) had ruined everything, but I knew it had been me. There was no one else to blame but me.

- "I don't wanna fight with you, Ashley,"- I whispered and shook my head- And I don't want to talk about (Y/N) with you.

- "She doesn't love you, Spencer,"- that we both agreed on.

- "She has nothing to do with what's going on right here. I don't wanna have anything but a professional relationship with you, Ashley. I'm sorry if you had any other thoughts about us, but it's not gonna happen. Not tonight, not ever. And not because of (Y/N)."

Ashley gave me a stern look. Her chin quivered, but she didn't flinch. Instead, she grabbed the food she had brought and walked to the door.

- "You are gonna regret this, Spencer!!"- she yelled and stormed out of my apartment, slamming the door.

But no matter what, I knew I wouldn't. I wasn't going to regret rejecting her that night.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I stared at the books James had sent me and sighed. I was home alone on a Wednesday night, staring at a bunch of books on my coffee table. They were unique, gorgeous, and clearly expensive. But they meant nothing compared to the one sitting at their side: Spencer's edition of the Illustrated Man. It was old, had many notes on the sides, and the corner of the pages had been folded... primarily by me.

I sipped my glass of wine and sighed. I missed Spencer. I didn't want to go out with James. I wasn't interested in him at all. I just liked the attention I got from him, mostly 'cos I knew he had a crush on me... because Anderson had pointed it out as soon as he told me about him.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I ran my fingers through Spencer's book. I missed him. But he was with Ashley now. So I had to move on. I didn't want to, though. I just wanted him. I could almost see him there, on the couch, laughing. I could hear his laughter as we played board games. His current favorite was Monopoly Gamer Mario Kart, and he really enjoyed winning. He could get all cocky as he got all my coins.

Everywhere I looked around in my apartment reminded me of Reid. It was just the books, his cardigan on my couch, the umbrella he had left two years ago, and that belonged in my place now. It was just the pictures of him on the walls, memories of trips, dinners, Christmas, parties with Lu, Frank, and Mikey. It was literally everything. My apartment screamed Spencer Reid because he was the person I had shared the most amazing times with there.

On that kitchen island, we had carved pumpkins every Halloween for the last four years. On that table, he served the first meal he ever prepared from scratch. On that couch, we forgot about all our phobias and cuddled for countless hours.

My whole life was about Spencer Reid. How was I ever going to move on from him? How was I ever going to love someone the way I loved him?

I sobbed and just then realized I was crying my heart out. I held my legs, wrapping my arms around them, and rocked back and forth for a few minutes. I was losing my mind, and the only thing that made sense was crying until there were no more years left inside of me.

When the phone rang, I had a headache. I always get one after I cry. I prayed it wasn't a case 'cos I wasn't really sober after drinking a whole bottle of wine, crying, on the floor. Literally, on the floor. But it wasn't Penelope with a case. It was Frank, and he could tell from the very first moment that something was wrong.

- "Nugget, are you ok?"

- "Yeah, Paco, why?"- I slurred and cursed. I was busted.

- "Why are you drunk?"

- "Because I got home after a horrible day and decided to drown my fucking bad mood in chardonnay. Guess what? The shitty bastard keeps floating, but I am not giving up!"

Frank chuckled with my drunken words. I heard him light a cigarette and walk around somewhere I figured was his apartment.

- "And what is the doc doing?"

- "What the fuck do I know?"- my voice didn't hide the hurt I felt, but I forgot Frank had no idea what was happening between Spencer and me.

- "Doc isn't there?"

- "No, we are no longer tied by the hip."

- "Ok, nugget, what the fuck is going on?"

- "Spencer has a girlfriend."

- "What?!"- I nearly dropped my phone, 'cos Frank yelled into my ear after hearing my reply.

- "Yeah, Spencer Walter Reid has a girlfriend. So if you wanna know about him, you should call fucking agent trainee Seaver, who is probably training his cock right now!!"

I grabbed my glass and finished what was left of the wine. I knew I had another bottle in the fridge, but it was just Wednesday, I still might be called in for a case, and I still had to get up early in the morning to go to work. Getting drunk wasn't the answer. But... I wasn't asking any questions either. So I stood up slowly and walked to the kitchen to grab the bottle.

- "No, nugget. There's no way you are telling me the truth!"

- "Why should I lie? Spencer has a girlfriend. Her name is Ashley."

- "(Y/N), Doc has been in love with you for years! There's no way he has a girlfriend!!"- I put the phone on speaker and left it on the counter to open the cold bottle of wine and pour myself another glass.

- "Can you all people stop saying Spencer is in love with me?!"- tears filled my eyes as I shouted and hit the table- "I know he is not! And that's why I feel like shit!"

- "Ok, nugget... calm down. Are you home?"

- "Yes... can you come over?"

- "I'm sorry, I'm out of town. I came to New York for a job interview."

- "What?! When? Why?"

- "'Cos I thought maybe it was time for a new challenge..."- my heart stopped with those words, and Frank knew it- "But don't worry, I didn't get it. You won't get rid of me so easily, nugget."

- "Good, 'cos I don't want any more changes. I can't deal with any more things changing... I don't like it..."

- "Ok, nugget, I am a little worried now, so I'm going to call Lu and ask her to go to your house, ok?"

- "No, please don't"- I closed my eyes, feeling the room spinning as soon as I did- "I can tell I had a little too much to drink already, so I'll finish this glass, and I'll go to bed."

- "Are you sure?"- I knew Frank was worried, and the last thing I wanted was to be a burden for my friends.

- "Definitely."

- "Ok... what if we do something this weekend?"

- "Sure! I'll be free... if no psychopath decides to ruin our fun again."- Frank chuckled, and I took another sip of my wine.

- "Ok, sounds like a plan. Now please go to bed, and whatever you do, don't do any fucking phone call while you are under the influence."

- "I don't drink and call, Paco. Trust me,"- he chuckled one more time, his laughter bringing a smile to my lips 'cos it too damn contagious not to smile, and then, we said goodnight.

I looked around my kitchen. Nothing but memories with Spencer in there too. I could almost see him sitting at the other side of the kitchen island, sipping his coffee, giving me food facts as I cooked. The only fact I was sure about at that point was that if I wanted to move on from Spencer, I was going to have to move out of that place. Actually, I would have to move cities, states, probably countries. Because I knew everything reminded me of Reid.

But that night, for once, I knew I couldn't move on. I wanted to feel Spencer close, 'cos I missed him too much. So I did all the things I knew I shouldn't. I put on one of his shirts and sweaters and took a deep breath, wrapping my arms around me as I got under the covers of my bed, thinking Spencer was there with me. His clothes still smelled like him, and it was intoxicating.

So I did the only thing I could do: I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

Thursday was a waste of a day. I had so much paperwork to catch up with, I put on my headphones and created a bubble around me because it was the only way to survive. Lucky for me, Seaver wasn't at the BAU that day. She was at the academy. Maybe that was why Spencer looked so sad. He missed her.

- "SSA (Y/L/N)"- I picked up my phone and turned around as soon as I heard Hotch's voice at the other side of the line, calling me at the end of the workday.

- "(Y/N), can you come to my office, please?"

- "Yes, sir."

I took a deep breath as I walked over, and brushed my hands against my pants, to get rid of any wrinkle or fuzz. When was the last time Hotch had called me to his office? Over a year earlier, after I had an argument with a suspect in the interrogation room. In my defense, she was striking my nerves. Ok, fine, I didn't have a reason.

- "Hi, is everything ok?"- I asked as soon as I showed up in Aaron's office.

- "Close the door, (Y/N), please."

And immediately, the knot in my stomach made me feel like I was being called into the principal's office. I turned around to do as asked and caught Spencer's eyes staring at me as he stood in the middle of the bullpen, clearly worried. And I felt so weak and moved by how concerned he looked; I did the first thing that came to mind: I smiled and waved.

- "Please, sit down,"- Aaron pointed at the chair across from him, and I did as told, again.

- "Is everything ok, Hotch?"- my question came right out of me, my lips moving before I had actually decided to speak.

- "I have been trying to find the right way to say this for the last half hour, and I am sorry, but..."

- "Oh shit! I'm fired! Why do you hate me so much?"- I jumped from my chair, and Aaron quickly followed me, trying to smother my reaction.

- "No, (Y/N). You are not fired! And no, I don't hate you! Calm down!"- I looked at him, confused and still suspicious.

- "Please, sit down. It's actually because I care about you that I didn't know how to tell you this, but I think almost five years is enough time to stay aside from what's been going on."

- "I'm sorry, Hotch, but I don't follow"- he clenched his jaw and sighed, frustrated. I just stared at him, waiting for the rest of the speech because my unit chief was clearly trying to find the right words to speak his mind.

- "Listen, (Y/N). This is very hard for me to talk about. I've always tried to keep everybody's personal life aside from the FBI. Unfortunately, your relationship with Reid is starting to affect you at your work."

Clearly, that was why he was so uncomfortable. I turned blood red and looked at my hands resting on my lap. I couldn't look into Hotch's eyes.

- "I don't understand. I don't have a relationship with Spencer."

- "The fact neither of you has acted on your feelings doesn't mean you don't have a relationship."

The words came more upset than what Hotch had intended, so he took a deep breath and walked around his office for a moment.

- "After what happened to Haley, I've given too much thought to many of the decisions I've taken in the last years of my life."

I didn't know how to react to Hotch's words because of all the things I could have thought we would talk about. Listening to my unit chief open his heart and talk about his feelings was definitely not my first guess. Not even the eighth.

- "And I care about you and Reid. I don't want you to have any regrets."

- "Which regrets could I have?"- I don't know why I asked if I knew I wasn't going to like the answer.

- "Spencer is in love with you, and you are in love with him. Stop running away from your feelings and face them. Sometimes you have to be courageous and take the first step."

I looked at Aaron Hotchner, almost certain the man sitting in front of me wasn't the same Aaron Hotchner who had once hired me. The man who refused to speak his heart. At least, not me. No way on earth that was Hotch.

- "I know it's strange that I tell you this, and I know I am not comfortable doing this... but... I can see that you two did something wrong, and you should try to fix it before you regret it."

For once, I couldn't argue those words. I knew the speech, but it was useless lying to Hotch. He could see through all my bullshit.

- "I... don't think he feels the same as I do,"- I whispered and kept my eyes on my hands, feeling how my cheeks blushed immediately.

- "You are wrong. You two have been nonsensical, and if I can be sincere, it's getting painful to watch- I winced in a mix of embarrassment and frustration."

- "Hotch... it's not that easy. I don't know if you noticed, but Ashley is the girl who caught his attention."

- "It's the lies that we keep telling ourselves that define what we are instead of who we can really be."- he sentenced, shaking his head- "He loves you. But for the last few weeks, you two have been acting like you are twelve years old."

- "I don't think you are getting all the info straight. I mean... I have tried to tell him."

- "No, you have tried to teach a blind man how to recognize colors,"- now that was Hotch frustrated. He was clearly awkward but also upset I wasn't following his ideas.

- "I'm pretty sure he is with Seaver."

- "He asked never to be paired with Seaver,"- Hotch refuted, frowning. Now that was new information. But I kept refusing to admit anything.

- "Probably not to be suspicious or to make sure his head was in the job."

- "His request was literally: "I don't want to give (Y/N) any sign I like Seaver, 'cos I don't."

Hotch looked at me in silence as I tried to process what he had just said. I couldn't believe it, but at the same time, you can't ever doubt Hotch.

- "Why would he do such a thing?"

- "You have to ask him."

- "Maybe he just doesn't want anyone suspicious about what they have."

- "Why is it so hard to believe? He loves you!"

I opened my mouth to argue with my boss when Anderson knocked on the door and excused himself.

- "Strauss sent you this, sir. She said it's urgent."- Grant said and cut me a small smile before disappearing from the room.

- "Thank you, Anderson."- Hotch said as he went through the papers and sighed.

- "You are busy,"- I inferred and stood up- "We can continue... whatever this was some other time if you'd like."

I stood up, seeing a clear way out of that awkward conversation. I wasn't sure I could open my heart with him.

- "One more thing, (Y/N)"- Hotch said as I stood up and almost ran to the door.

- "What is it?"

- "Tell him how you feel, or I'll have to take action myself."

- "What kind of actions?"

- "Let's hope we don't get to that point."

Hotch's face was severe. He wasn't joking. I just nodded and walked out of his office, scared of what would happen if I ever told Spencer how I felt. But now I was being forced to. That wasn't good.

I looked around, Morgan was packing his things to leave, and Spencer was on the phone, walking to the elevators. Probably he had a date with Ashley, and he was calling her to tell her he was picking her up. I sighed, exhausted, and shook my head.

- "What is it, pretty girl?"- Morgan cut me a warm smile as I reached his side and sighed.

- "I am so tired. I just wanna go home and get under the blankets of my bed with a warm cup of tea and a book."

- "Damn! That sounds thrilling! When is your big date?"- I frowned, groaning. I had totally forgotten about that date.

- "Tomorrow... I'm kind of hoping we get called on a case so I can cancel..."

- "Why?"- Derek looked at me as I started getting ready to go home.

- "'Cos... I don't feel like going."

- "Then don't,"- his answer was so simple I almost laughed.

- "Yeah... I have to go. Did you see the books that guy sent me?"

- "But that doesn't mean you have to go out on a date. You are not forced to do it just 'cos he sent you a present."

- "I know... but I don't know... maybe I'm just too tired and not thinking clearly."

- "Well, go to sleep, pretty girl. And tomorrow, depending on how you are feeling, you can cancel that date. I know someone who would be thrilled to know you won't go out with some guy."

I just shook my head and put on my jacket. I knew he was talking about Reid, but I wasn't in the mood to keep on talking about him with other teammates. Hotch's pep talk had been enough.

- "See you tomorrow, Derek."

Spencer's point of view

My heart dropped as soon as Hotch called (Y/N) to his office. The last time he had done that, she had gotten into trouble with an unsub. She lost her temper in the interrogation room and almost hit the suspect. Had she done something? Was she in trouble? The fact she smiled and waved at me before closing the door made me feel actually worse. Maybe she knew she was in trouble.

I kept looking over from time to time, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening inside Hotch's office, but I gave up after a few minutes because it was impossible.

I still couldn't shake the thought of (Y/N) being in trouble from my head.

- "Dr. Spencer Reid,"- I answered the phone and didn't take my eye from Hotch's door.

- "Hey Doc, Frank here. How are you?"

- "Hey! Good, how are you?"

- "Good, I was just thinking, is (Y/N) around?"

- "No, she is not. Why? She is with our chief unit... Do you need to reach her?"

- "No. Are you busy tonight?"

- "No, why?"

- "I need to talk to you. Alone."

- "Is everything ok?"- of course, it wasn't. Frank had never called to meet alone unless we were planning (Y/N)'s a surprise birthday party.

- "Yeah, don't worry. I just need to talk to you..."

- "Well... I'm heading home now."

- "Great, I just got off the plane... I can meet you there in an hour if that's ok with you."

- "Sure, see you there."

I had never been so nervous about talking with Frank before. Not even when we first met, and I freaked out thinking of any excuse to avoid going to (Y/N)'s apartment. The memories of that day filled my mind the whole way back home. That was the first time I had ever gotten drunk in my entire life, and I never told that to anyone. I always felt people thought I was a loser, and I didn't want to give them any more reasons to do it. But neither Mikey nor Frank ever laughed at me, though they were clearly cooler than I was. They would have never been my friends in high school.

Were they going to be my friends if (Y/N) and I stopped talking to each other? Of course not. What was going to happen between us? I had no idea, and the headaches overanalyzing everything produced me were driving me insane.

- "Hey man,"- Frank walked in and tapped on my back the second he showed up at my door.

- "How was your flight? Where were you?"

- "New York, applying for a job, but didn't get it,"- he took off his jacket and left it on a chair, as he had always done, despite the fact the hat rack was right next to the door.

- "I'm sorry, Frank."

- "That's ok. It wasn't for me."

- "I was gonna get something for dinner. Wanna join me?"

- "No, this won't take too long, I just..."

Frank sighed and looked at me, standing in the middle of my apartment. He was a little shorter than I was, so I had to look down at him, but that could never affect the fact he could kick my ass. I always knew that about him and Frank. In fact, I had seen them get into small fights a few times in the years I had met them.

And the way Frank looked at me that minute let me know he was actually considering hitting me.

- "Why are you mad at me?"

- "Don't profile me! I hate when you and (Y/N) start doing your Jedi shit."

- "I'm sorry, but... you are clearly not happy with me so, why don't you just say it?"

- "Ok, fine. What the fuck is wrong with you?"- Frank simply replied and crossed his arms on his chest.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You have a girlfriend."

- "What? How do you... I don't!"- Frank just shook his head and started talking, not giving me a chance to explain I wasn't dating anyone.

- "Maybe this is my fault. Lu and Mikey kept telling me you had to tell her what you felt at your own peace! But four fucking years are enough to make up your fucking mind!! We were all sure you loved her, 'cos you did, right? I mean, as long as I know, you still do! I saw you less than a month ago, and you two were fucking husband a wife, for Christ's sake!!"

Frank was now almost yelling at me, and I still didn't understand a word that came from his lips.

- "Frank, what are you talking about?"

- "She fucking loves you!! And we were all waiting for you to date her!! Maybe even marry her!! But now you fucking ruined everything dating someone else! And she is fucking broken hearted!! You fucking hurt her!"- Frank yelled, his nostrils were flaring, and he even cracked his knuckles.

- "Frank, I don't really follow what you are saying, but I can assure you, I am not dating."

- "She already told me everything! You made her cry!!"

- "Who?"- I was so lost in that conversation I wasn't sure I followed him.

- "(Y/N)!! You broke her heart! And now I'm gonna have to break your bones!!"- the way Frank threatened me sounded funny, but it wasn't, at all, why? 'Cos I knew he meant it.

- "Wait!!"- I took a few steps back and raised my hands in a sign of defeat- "Stop it! I am not dating anyone!"

- "Don't lie to me, man. That will just make shit worst."

- "I am not lying! I'm just confused about all this... why would you say I'm dating."

- "(Y/N) told me yesterday."

I stared at Frank, speechless. My eidetic memory going a hundred miles, trying to find a moment in time that gave (Y/N) the impression I had a girlfriend.

- "But... I am not."

- "Then who is Agent Seaver?"- I froze and widened my eyes as Frank crossed his arms on his chest one more time and didn't move his eyes from mine.

- "Oh shit!!"- the curse was a whisper Frank read as a confirmation.

- "And you thought you could keep it from her?"

- "What? No! I am not dating Seaver! I don't even like her!!"- and for the first time since we started arguing, Frank gave me the chance to talk.

- "And why would (Y/N) say that?"

- "I have no idea!!! She hasn't spoken to me this whole week!! Not since I saw her making out with that random guy last Friday."

- "What?! She did what?!"- I feel like a blabbermouth telling Frank what her friend had done, but in my defense, (Y/N) had given him wrong information, and I had to set the record straight.

- "Can you explain to me what the fuck is going on between you two? 'Cos she didn't mention any of that!"

- "Beer?"

Ever since Frank and Mikey were my friends, I always had beers in my fridge. I didn't drink much, but I liked being ready in case they showed up. And they did, 'cos they were my friends.

I stood next to the fridge in the kitchen and took a sip of my beer. Frank stared at me from the other side of the room and waited for my explanation. So I tried to start from the very beginning.

- "I don't know why (Y/N) thinks I'm dating Ashley Seaver, but I am not. I barely talk to her."

- "Who is she?"

- "A young agent Emily is training in the BAU... she and (Y/N) don't get along from the start 'cos Seaver's dad killed Mrs. (Y/L/N)'s sister back in college."

- "What?!"- Frank was in shock.

- "Yeah, it's been pretty awkward since day one."

- "And what? She tried to apologize, and (Y/N) nearly killed her?"

- "That was day one. Everything went downhill from there. But I don't get why she thinks we are dating. I barely talk to Seaver. I specifically asked our unit chief not to pair me with her at any case or task to make sure (Y/N) wouldn't think I liked her."

- "Clearly, that didn't work,"- Frank pointed out the obvious and grabbed his phone- "We should ask (Y/N) why..."

- "No!! Please don't!! I don't want her to know we are talking about this,"- I almost choked on the beer when I heard him say that and nearly jumped to take the phone from his hand.

- "Why?"- I didn't have a reason. I just didn't want to do anything that might actually make things worse.

- "Because..."- I didn't pronounce another sentence. I literally deflated after just one word.

- "Shit, that's deep,"- Frank joked and sipped his beer- "If you are not dating Seaver, why haven't you told (Y/N) you love her?"

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped in my tracks and simply shrugged. It felt useless to deny it anymore. Apparently, everybody could see it but (Y/N). And if she did see it, then it just meant one thing:

- "Because she doesn't love me back. Now she is the one dating some random guy she met at a party."

- "The one she kissed Friday?"- Frank raised an eyebrow as I just nodded- "She probably did that out of anger is she thought you were dating Seaver."

- "You didn't see her, Frank. She didn't look hurt at all. She actually looked like she was enjoying it."

- "Well... I didn't see her, and you are right about that. But I've seen her for the last... five years or so. She loves you. You should ask her out on a date, finally."

- "Why would she go out with me?"- I asked, embarrassed of facing my feelings so openly in front of Frank. But he just shrugged and said.

- "I just said so, 'cos she loves you."

Now that was just painful to hear, especially 'cos Frank actually meant it.

- "She doesn't."- I whispered and sipped my beer.

- "Sorry, but I wasn't asking you if you thought she loved you. I am telling you, she does. Now, if you don't want to believe it, that's an entirely different story.

The way Frank looked at me, saying everything so lightly, like it wasn't a big deal at all, shocked me. He had always been upfront about pretty much everything since day one. But still, that day, I wasn't prepared for that. I stayed quiet, looking at the floor, not knowing what to say.

- "Shit! You really don't believe she has feelings for you!! Are you blind?!"

- "Frank, she is my best friend in the whole world. I don't want to lose her..."

- "Why would you lose her? Just 'cos you love her?"

- "If she doesn't feel the same... and I tell her how I feel..."- I started mumbling, but Frank snorted, frustrated.

- "She is so fucking in love with you; it's hard not making fun of it!! She way she looks at you, how she is always worried about you!"

- "She does the same for you, guys."

- "I've met that woman since when we were kids, and believe me, she has never treated us the way she treats you. We are still waiting for her to bake us birthday cakes. She bakes yours every year. Last year's cake was sick! She fucking made the whole Tell-tale heart scene on your fucking cake and hid a heart in the middle of it!! You know what she did for my birthday? She wrapped the guitar strings she got me. That was it. If that doesn't tell you how in love she is with you, I've got a fucking list of things she has done for you all these years! So fucking deal with it and tell her what you feel!"

- "I can't! I just can't do that!"- I yelled back at Frank, for once opening up about what I really felt- "Every time I look at her, and she smiles, my whole brain turns to mush! I can't tell her I love her 'cos she will laugh. A girl like her deserves everything a man can give her! Have you seen me? She deserves so much better!!"

I'm not gonna lie. It felt good finally saying what I felt out loud. Like a weight had been lifted from my chest. Frank just walked over and tapped on my back a few times, nodding.

- "She fucking loves you! You should be with her! That's it! Why are you overthinking this?!"

- "'Cos I don't wanna ruin it!"

- "You two have wasted like four years! I told her I wanted you two to date since the day I fucking met you! She had to ditch Paul and date you! But she is so fucking convinced you don't love her, she is..."

- "What?"- my heart stopped at those words- "Did she say so?"

- "She did, in fact, yell to me I had to stop telling her you loved her 'cos she knew it was a lie, and that's why she was in so much pain. When did that happen, you ask? Fucking yesterday, so don't come here and tell me she is dating some random guy she kissed at a party when she is clearly in love with you."

I don't know how to explain what that felt like. It was heartbreaking and, at the same time... encouraging?

- "She loves me?"- I asked Frank, still not fully understanding our conversation.

- "Doc, she fucking went behind your boss's back to stay with you in Las Vegas to help you figure out the case of a kid you thought your dad had killed. She fought Gideon when he told her she was a bad influence for you. She hates Lila Archer's movies because of you. I've seen her yell at the tv!"

- "What?"- that was too much information.

- "Just please, fix this shit and tell her you love her"

- "How?"- I honestly asked 'cos I didn't know how to do that. Frank frowned and finished his beer, leaving the bottle on the counter.

- "I don't know, man. Give her a romantic speech about what a big ass you've been all this time thinking she didn't feel the same, ask her to forgive you, and fucking kiss her!!"

- "Ok... how do I do that?"

- "I don't know, doc! You are the genius here!"

- "Actually, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified... and I have no idea what to do..."

- "Yeah, clearly, this is not your forte. I'll give you that"- I shook my head as Frank stared at me, finally a smile curling on his lips.

- "You know everything she likes. There's no way you can go wrong. Just go to her house and tell her the words she wants to hear: I love you."

I nodded and tried to engrave those simple instructions in my head 'cos I knew I was going to ruin it: go there, say I love you. That was it. It was simple. I could do that. Right?

- "Do you need a ride?"- Frank asked and threw me my jacket.

- "Yes... I think I do."

- "Ok, doc, let's do this!"

(Y/N)'s point of view

I held my cup of tea with both hands and smiled, finally relaxing. That was just what I needed after a long miserable day. I sat on the couch, resting my feet on the table right in front of me, and sighed.

- "Sure, make yourself home."- Lu joked as she walked over with a bowl of popcorn and sat by my side.

- "Hey! I took off my shoes! I know you hate it when I leave footprints on your furniture."

- "How considered!!"- Lu joked as I grinned - "You should definitely come more often then."

- "I promise I will..."

- "And when are you gonna talk to the doc?"- I simply shrugged and focused on the tv in front of me.

- "(Y/N), you do realize you just spent two hours finally coming to your senses, right? I don't care if it's 'cos your boss is pushing you to do it. You have to tell Spencer you love him."

I pouted and groaned, but I knew she was right.

- "First, I have to cancel my date with James."

- "Yeah, do that now."

- "No, I don't wanna face reality today. I'll call him tomorrow around noon. I'm gonna tell him I'm on a case out of town, and I won't be able to make it for dinner."

- "Why don't you just tell him you are not interested 'cos you are in love with your best friend?"- I looked at Lu and widened my eyes- "Oh, come on!! We already passed the initial shock. We all knew you've been in love with Spencer for what seems to be ages!! I knew you loved him since you have him the scarf you knitted."

- "That was ages ago!"- I smiled and sighed- "He still wears it every winter"

- "Of course, he does, 'cos he loves you."

- "Do you really think he does?"

- "Are you serious? That man has been crazy for you since day one! He has been unconditional to you! You two can talk about your nerdy things for hours! Watching you is actually endearing. I had never seen two people just looking at each other with such love before! So please! Just do the right thing and tell him you love him."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I had concluded I had to tell Spencer I loved him because Hotch was right; it was affecting my work. I had to put an end to all that nonsense. Lu kept telling me Spencer would tell me he loved me too, but I was sure he wouldn't. Still, each time she tried to convince me, she made a point.

- "And he took you to Hawaii."

- "He didn't even touch me."

- "So? He hates the beach! The man hates the sun, the sand, and the seawater, and what did he do? He took you for ten days to a resort to the beach 'cos that's what you wanted."

- "His doctor told him the sea breeze was good for his lungs after the whole anthrax incident."

- "Anthrax, my ass! He wanted to make you happy, no matter if that meant being miserable for ten days. If that shit ain't love, then I have no idea what it is!!"

Lu was mad. She had cursed. I looked at her and just nodded.

- "And when you two have your first kid, I wanna be the godmother."

- "Lu, aren't you going a little fast?"

- "No. You two have been too slow with our confessions, so it's time someone speeds this up."

I drove back home around midnight. I was weary, and my body needed a good six hours of sleep after that miserable day. But I knew I wasn't going to get much rest. The idea of telling Spencer how I really felt was too scary, and I wasn't sure I would be able to go through with the plan. I didn't even have a plan. I just knew I had to do it before Hotch took the matter into his hands. Whatever that meant.

It was sad getting to my empty apartment. It felt cold and impersonal. I missed having Spencer around. We hadn't talked in a week, and I had never felt so alone in my entire life. If things didn't go well, I thought I could get a cat. I had always wanted one but never actually decided to take the big step and adopt one. I could go to the shelter and get a kitty.

I poured myself one last cup of tea and walked to my bedroom. Spencer's shirt I had worn as a pajama the night before was still on my bed, and I guessed there was no harm if I wore it again. I got under the covers and wrapped my own arms around my waist. I wondered if there would be a day when Spencer would cuddle me to sleep in our shared bed. Not like friends, like we had done so many times. It was embarrassing to think how many of those nights I had fallen asleep pretending Spencer was my boyfriend.

- "I am in love with you."- I whispered and sighed, closing my eyes.

What would Spencer do if I ever said those terrifying words out loud? I could almost see him freaking out in front of me. He wouldn't know what to do or what to say. If he didn't love me back, he would try to find the most careful way to reject me. He would reassure me he loved me, just not like that. But our friendship would be ruined anyway. I could never see him in the eyes after feeling his rejection. If he didn't love me, I was going to lose my best friend.

Sometimes, I felt Spencer was my soulmate. Lu was right; I had denied my feelings for too long. Had I wasted years of happiness with my honey bunny? Was it too late to tell him how I really felt?

I practiced my speech until two in the morning, rolling in my cold bed, alone, until I finally fell asleep. At seven am, I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I got ready for the day. That Friday was the day I was going to tell Spencer I loved him. I had to look my best. So I put on a lovely dress that always made me feel pretty, though I couldn't find my matching and favorite silk scarf. I did my hair nicely and put on a decent amount of makeup, primarily to hide the big dark rings under my eyes.

I stopped by Spencer's favorite coffee shop on my way to work and got him a cup of coffee and a box of donuts. I took a deep breath as I got out of my car and reminded myself I was doing the right thing. My plan was simple: I was going to give Spencer the coffee and the donuts as an apology for not talking to him in the lastest days. I was going to cancel my date with James, and I was going to ask Spencer out. Maybe like a date, and confess my true feelings for him.

But my plan was ruined before I even reached the main building. I walked through the parking lot and saw Spencer getting out of Ashley's car, holding a cup of coffee. They looked like the lovely young couple they were, after getting breakfast together... after spending the night together...

My broken heart kept breaking as I stared at the scene from a safe distance. I was right. I was too late to fight for Spencer. I had wasted all the chances I had ever had to be with him, and now I couldn't ruin his happiness. If he wanted to be with Ashley, I had to do the right thing and get out of his way.

I hurried up inside the main building and rushed into the elevator. I took deep breaths, trying to hold the tears inside. Whatever happened, I was not going to let Spencer see me cry. I grabbed the box of donuts and the coffee and hesitated when I reached the bullpen. Hotch was already in his office, talking with Rossi. I looked around, knowing Reid was about to get in there with Ashley, and I needed to hide from them.

- "I'm so glad you are here!!"- Penelope turned from her computer, surprised to see me rushing into her office.

- "Hey, munchkin!"

- "How is my favorite tech genius this morning? I got you breakfast!"- I could pretend to be hyper and happy, right?

- "And I love you so much!!"- Penelope smiled and grabbed the coffee- "Smells... delicious!"

- "Only the best for my dearest friend"- she looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Of course!! I had a good night of sleep, and tonight, if no fucking psycho killers ruin my day, I am going to have a date with a hot guy who is so into me. He already sent me an expensive present, which by no means makes me feel pressured, not even a little! No!"

I freaked out immediately, thinking I had a date with a guy I didn't even like.

- "Ok, baby, sit down"- Penelope tapped on the chair next to her and looked at me with worried eyes- "Are you getting cold feet about this date?"

- "I just... I don't know how I feel about that date. I was ready to cancel, and now... I think I just should go."

I definitely wasn't telling Garcia what had happened earlier; how I was going to tell Spencer I love him until I saw him in Ashley's car. Why? Well, first, I didn't want to cry at work. Second, she would say I had to tell Spencer how I felt. And third, she would tell Morgan.

Penelope sipped her coffee and frowned. Still, she didn't say a word. Instead, she looked right into my eyes and whispered.

- "If you don't wanna go out with him, you don't have to."

- "I know. I just wish I wanted to... do you know what I mean?"

- "I do... "- Garcia nodded and sighed- "Munchkin, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, really."

- "Thank you"- I rested my head on her shoulder and just sighed. We both stayed quiet for a moment until my dear friend questioned.

- "Why did you give me Spencer's coffee?"

- "Wh... what?"- I felt so caught I actually stuttered.

- "This is not almond milk. This is filled with dairy, both milk, and cream... and the amount of sugar in this is..."

- "Oh, please!! Can you just pretend I fooled you?!"- I was mortified- "It's fucking eight in the morning, and the day has already turned as awful as it could be."

- "Come on, baby"- Garcia tried to soothe me- "You know life can always get worse, so let's start by being honest. Why didn't you give Spencer the breakfast you got for him?"

- "For not being a profiler, you are creepy good reading people, you know?"

- "Yes, I am a genius. You should have noticed that earlier in life. That wasn't so bright from you, profiler,"- she teased, trying to make me laugh. And I actually chuckled.

- "Good, I got a smile. Now, tell me what happened."

- "But I don't wanna cry at work... and Hotch already called me out for being unprofessional about this whole Spencer's thing."

- "What? When?"

- "Yesterday, he said I have to tell Spencer what I actually feel for him, or he is gonna take matters into his hands."

- "What did he mean by that?"

- "I have no idea! But it sounded serious,"- I sighed, defeated, and sipped my coffee- "So after zero sleeping for days and a very awkward talk with our unit chief, plus the threats from one of my closest friends, I had decided to tell Spencer that I..."

I couldn't even say it

- "What I feel for him, today."

- "Today?! With this breakfast I am eating?"- and of course, PG freaked out.

- "Well, I was going to give him food as an offering for ignoring him this week... then I was going to ask him out tonight, and that's when I wanted to tell him... but..."

I paused and took a deep breath, doing my best not to cry. I really didn't want to show how hurt I was, though I was almost sure my dear friend Garcia could see it clearly in my eyes.

- "Just please, don't tell Morgan."

- "My adorable munchkin, I don't tell everything about you and our resident genius to Derek!"

- "Yeah, but... I just... feel so..."

- "Good morning, Garcia!"- I bit my lips as soon as I heard Ashley's voice storming into my friend's office- "I brought you coffee!"

Penelope held my hand and squeezed it as soon as she noticed my mood shift.

- "Hi!"- and my dear friend was so awkward it could have actually been fun if I wasn't so angry.

- "Oh, hi (Y/N), I didn't know you were here already..."

- "Yeah, we were having breakfast, actually,"- I pointed at our coffees and donuts, and Ashley nodded, blushing.

- "Sorry... I didn't know you were here... I didn't get you any..."

- "No, don't worry, Ashley. It's not like you know you I actually work here too,"- I wasn't even trying to be polite with her anymore. I hated her. Hotch was going to be so mad...

Seaver just stared at us and nodded in silence. Then, she turned around and left, closing the door behind her back. I groaned and nearly hit my head against the desk.

- "Wow, you are not even pretending for the cameras."

- "That was me trying not to kill her, actually. If she walked out on her own, then it was a very successful encounter."

- "What the hell, (Y/N)?"

- "I was gonna tell him, and then I saw him getting out of her car in the parking lot..."

- "Spencer Reid?!"- Penelope freaked out. I just nodded- "Dr. Spencer Reid?? The nerd in love with you? Getting out of her car?"

- "And carrying breakfast, like a lovely young couple. I bet they banged last night."

- "No way!"

- "Why not?!"

- "Because he loves you, and no one calls it "bang" anymore!" Where have you been?"

- "Penelope!"- my friend smiled at me and offered me a donut, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and resting her head against mine.

- "My dearest munchkin. Don't let this stop you. You were on a mission this morning."

- "They banged, fucked, had sex, call it what you want!! I am not telling Reid anything!! And I guess I'm going out with James tonight 'cos... if I don't, I'm gonna die alone, and my cat is gonna eat me!!"

I was nonsensical. I knew it. But there was nothing that could stop me from being absurd. I was scared and hurt. I actually thought I was going to go crazy.

I stayed with Penelope for a while, trying to cool my head. I didn't want to snap with Seaver again. I knew it had been a mistake. I saved Hotch a donut and asked him if I could work in JJ's old office. I told him I wanted to concentrate and that I really needed the time alone. Of course, he could see through my bullshit.

- "I told you, if you don't fix things with Reid, I am going to intervene."

- "I am going to do it, sir. Just... after I get all this paperwork done. I'll talk to him this weekend."- I looked into Hotch's eyes, trying my best to lie correctly. Do you have any idea what lying to the best profiler in the FBI felt like? It was mission impossible.

- "Good, (Y/N). I'm glad to know you've made the right decision."

- "Thank you, sir."

Spencer's point of view

After I got out of Frank's car, holding a bouquet of flowers, I forced him to help me get in our way over. It took me almost half an hour to walk from the sidewalk to the door of (Y/N)'s building.

- "I am in love with you,"- I whispered and shook my head, knowing she deserved better than that simple confession. I took the stairs, trying to improve my speech.

- "I have always been in love with you, from the minute I first saw you,"- I whispered and wiped off the sweat from my hands against the fabric of my jacket. It sounded terrible. I knew I was going to get it all wrong.

- "What am I doing?"- I stopped in my tracks before I reached her floor- I can't do this.

I literally froze and felt sick in my stomach. I couldn't do that. What was I doing? How had I let Frank talk to me into doing something so stupid? What was I getting into? I couldn't do it.

For a minute or so, I stood in the middle of the stairs, not able to move or formulate a single coherent thought. I was trying to

But if I didn't, and she loved me... I was going to lose everything I had ever dreamed of and that I never imagined I could have. No, I had to do it. I had to tell (Y/N) I loved her. And I had to do it that day. "Your head is spinning because it's full of ghosts," I remembered Julio's words and took a deep breath.

I ran the last steps of the stairs and reached her door, panting. But I didn't wait. I knocked on her door and waited.

- (Y/N), it's Spencer. Are you home?- but nothing. So I knocked again.

- Chipmonk, please open the door. I know I've been an asshole this whole week, but I need to talk to you. There is something you should know.

But nothing. Just silence. I knocked a few more times and patiently waited. No answer. I thought about it for a second and took the key she had given me years ago in case of any emergency. I had ended up using that key a million times, not really for many emergencies. I used it to prepare her surprise birthday party many times or come in when she knew I was coming. Or when I stayed over for the weekend, and it was my turn to pick up something from the store. So that day, I used it and opened her door.

Walking into (Y/N)'s apartment felt like walking into her arms. It smelled like her, and it felt like home. I took a look around, calling out her name. But she wasn't there.

Her place was kind of messy. There were many blankets on the couch and some clothes lying around. Man's clothes. For a moment, my heart sank. I thought maybe James was spending time there too. But soon, I realized...It was my clothes. I walked into her room and saw her unmade bed. My old red sweater was on her pillow, and some of the shirts she liked were close as well.

Why was she surrounded by my things? Did she... miss me that much? Could it be Frank was actually right? She loved me and missed me? I looked around and tried to find confirmation, though I felt overwhelmed by emotion at the moment.

(Y/N) loved me. There was a chance she actually loved me the way I did.

I fell on her bed and contained tears that almost started falling down my eyes. There might be a chance she loved me, and I refused to ruin it. She couldn't find me in her house out of the blue. She deserved better than that. She deserves the world. So I quickly collected all my things and walked to the door to think of a better way to confess my undying love. Undying, cheesy, and yet, honest.

But before I was out, I walked back to her room and opened her closet. If she had all my clothes to think of me, I wanted a souvenir too. My eyes traveled quickly through all the items hanging until her purple satin scarf caught my eye. I loved how she looked on it, and it smelled like her. I hid it in my pocket and walked out of her apartment.

Not even the tiny bouquet of flowers I had gotten her seemed to be enough. Frank said she'd love them, but... it just wasn't good enough for her.

I had a lot of planning to do. And I have no idea where to start. I had high standards to beat. After all, I had read all of the romantic books (Y/N) had in her house and seen all the romantic comedies she loved. All of those more than ten times. So... how was I going to do it? Was I going to pour my heart out to her in the most romantic way possible and finish with:

- "I am just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him,"- I said out loud as I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee.

No. That didn't feel right. It had to be better. Who was (Y/N)'s biggest love reference? Mr. Darcy. How had he done it? Well... he didn't do it right the first time, so he started making amends with a letter. I could begin with a letter. After all, I had written (Y/N) many love letters I had never given her in all those years. Letters that contained all my feelings for her as a way of letting it out of my chest. But they were never meant for her to see.

I sat at my desk and grabbed my favorite pen. But before I could actually start writing, I noticed I needed music, romantic music, for inspiration. I picked the same Amy Winehouse vinyl record I had been listening to for the last couple of days and walked back to my seat.

Writing a love letter wasn't easy. Putting facts into words, that's a task I can complete, no questions asked. But that Thursday night, I struggled with every sentence I created. I wasn't a writer and neither a man who had any kind of experience with love or being in love. Less with confessing such feelings. But I had to give my best.

Around one in the morning, I finished the third version of that letter. Frank had texted me to know if things had gone well, but I told him she wasn't home.

- "Don't worry, Paco,"- I said and smiled while holding her silk scarf- "Tomorrow is the day."

My wristwatch said four in the morning when I stopped painting and decided to get into bed. I had to get at least two hours of sleep. Not that (Y/N) had never seen my insomniac face before, but I needed to, at least try, to look presentable for her. After writing, my mind was flooded with emotion, and I couldn't stop thinking about everything we've been through all those years together. (Y/N) and I. we had been best friends for so long, yet, I could now see our friendship had always been a little different. We were closer... sidekicks... lovers without kissing. I needed to feel her hand in mine. Her arms around me. But it was only a few more hours.

Was she going to like me in the morning? I felt butterflies in my stomach just with the idea of confessing my feelings. I set everything ready and went to bed. I barely had the energy to put on my pajamas and turn off the lights. (Y/N)'s scarf wrapped softly on my wrist.

I frowned, baffled and lost, when I opened the door the following morning and found Ashley at the other side.

- "Can I talk to you for a moment?"- she whispered and handed me a fresh cup of coffee- "I brought you a peace offering for being so obnoxious the other day."

It was clear Ashley was honest, and she was embarrassed about her behavior. Otherwise, she wouldn't have shown up at my door. So I smiled and nodded, trying to show her I wasn't mad at her.

- "Water under the bridge"- I whispered and held the coffee she gave me. No milk, no cream, no sugar. Just like (Y/N) liked it. Ashley noticed how I prepared coffee at the BAU but never realized I wasn't making myself a cup. I was making (Y/N)'s.

- "I am very embarrassed... and I really like working with you... regardless of everything I said. I don't..."

- "We can pretend that never happened,"- I interrupted her, and she just smiled and nodded.

- "I would like that. I am sorry I was rude... Do you want a ride to work? We are a little late."

I thought about it for a second. I wanted to stop by and get (Y/N) more flowers, but we were late, and I wasn't planning on telling her how I felt until later that night.

- "Sure, let's go."

(Y/N) was nowhere to be found that day, and that immediately got me on my nerves. Her things were on her desk, but she wasn't there.

- "Hey García, have you seen (Y/N)?"- I walked in and watched her stay still, shocked.

- "Hello there, Dr. Reid. How are you today? Nice to see you too."

- "Sorry!"- I cut her an awkward smile and waved- "Hi! How are you?"

- "The damage is already done, Dr. Reid. Clearly, you are not here looking for my companionship."

- "Sorry, I just haven't seen (Y/N) today. You?"

- "Yes, my pretty chipmunk was here earlier, and that's all I know. Why?"- Garcia raised an eyebrow and looked into my eyes- "Why are you so interested in her?"

I didn't know if it was because I had spent most of the night planning to confess (Y/N) my feelings, but Penelope's question sounded suspicious. I tried to act normal and just frowned.

- "I just wanted to know if she was here 'cos I haven't seen her around."

- "She had work to do, and I think she had a meeting with Hotch."

- "Again?!"- I couldn't help but raise my voice, scared of the idea of (Y/N) being scolded by Hotch for two days in a row.

- "But she had a meeting with him yesterday!"- I argued, but Garcia just shrugged.

- "That's all I know. Also, she brought donuts"- I stared at her dish. Chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles. My favorites.

- "Do you know if she... got one of those for me?"

- "I don't know, why don't you ask her?"- Garcia questioned back and raised an eyebrow

- "I would, but I don't know where she is."

- "Besides... didn't you have breakfast already?"

- "There's always room for a donut... for my favorite donut."

Penelope raised an eyebrow, trying to read beyond my words. Was I just talking about donuts, or was I talking about (Y/N)? Did she actually mean breakfast? Of course, she did. Garcia wasn't implying anything else! I was just overthinking everything!

Right?

- "I'll see if she is still with Hotch."

- "Hey, Reid"- Penelope called out my name when I was about to reach the door- "When you see her, you should tell her it's her breakfast you are interested in. No other."

I stared at Garcia and opened my mouth. But no word came from it. I just know I blushed and nodded, leaving her office soon after.

But I didn't find (Y/N) during that whole day. And it was both frustrating and nerve-wracking. The letter I wrote her kept burning me, as I felt it in my jacket's pocket, beating like a second heart. I wasted a whole paperwork day trying to concentrate, but I couldn't. I managed to get the least work done in years, 'cos my mind focused on her. On (Y/N). In her absence.

By the end of the day, I had lost all hope of finding her around and did what all desperate men would do. I waited by her car in the parking lot.

Around six-thirty, I heard her shoes approaching the vehicle, and my heart stopped when I saw her eyes in mind, nearly shocked to find me there.

- "Hi"- that was all I managed to say. My voice was a whisper that even I barely heard.

- "What are you doing here?"

- "I was waiting for you. I thought it was obvious."

I smiled and tried to ease her mood. But it didn't work. She looked so mad at me, though those few words were the longest conversation we had shared in over a week. Why was she mad at me? Was it too cheesy to tell her she looked adorable when she was mad? Of course, it was. I still took a mental note to tell her that later on. Maybe later that same evening if things went well.

- "Why?"- (Y/N) frowned and opened her car, and threw her purse in the back seat.

- "I wanted to talk to you."

- "I can't, Spencer. I am late,"- she called me by my name, and that reality check hurt me.

- "Late for your date with James?"

- "I don't feel like talking about that with you. Goodbye, Spencer."

- "Wait. (Y/N), stop."- I held her arm and felt her whole body shiver under my touch. I would have held her longer, but she pulled her arm from my grip and frowned- "Why are you so mad at me?"

- "Mad? I am not mad!"- I know she was a good liar, but she was so mad her whole body language gave it away, along with her high-pitched voice.

- "I think you are... Why?"- I tried to move closer, but she crossed her arms on her chest and stood next to the opened passenger door. Ready to escape.

- "I am just in a hurry, Spencer. That's it."

There it was, the confirmation of her anger. My name, leaving her lips with fury. I wanted to hold her. I needed to feel her close, with a desperation I had never experienced before. I was craving for her. And there she was, right in front of me, refusing to even look at me.

- "Can you just... give me a chance to talk to you?"- my words came as a whisper, almost as a beg.

- "Isn't someone else waiting for you?"

- "Me? No. No one,"- I answered, confused by what she was implying- "I just need to talk to you. Please."

- "Sorry, I'm late. But... maybe..."- (Y/N) hesitated and looked at someone else walking close to us. I didn't even bother. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

- "Would you... would you take this?"- I held the letter and gave it to her. She hesitated before taking it, and my heart nearly burst at the thought of her holding my love confession in her hands.

- "What's this?"

- "Can you read it?"- but it only lasted for a second. (Y/N) shook her head and gave me back my letter.

- "Not now, I'm late."

- "(Y/N), please."

- "No, Reid. I can't read this now. I am late."

- "Please, (Y/N). I need to tell you something."

- "And I need to leave. So, bye."

(Y/N) slipped through my fingers like water. I stayed still, staring at her as she disappeared, and cursed myself under my breath for being so petrified to act. I wanted to cry. I was so frustrated with myself.

- "I love you. I don't want you to go out with him. You should be with me."

It was liberating to say those words out loud even though she wasn't there to listen.

- "Nice kid. Now next time, say it when she can hear you."

I recognized Morgan's voice behind me. And I guess I could have felt embarrassed if I wasn't so frustrated already. And most of all, so mad at myself. I had practiced. I had tried. I knew what I had to say. But when I was with her, I just couldn't. And now he was out there on her way to date another man.

I felt Derek's hand on my shoulder, tapping on it a few times. I sighed and nodded.

- "Come on. First-round is on me."

It only took Morgan two rounds to get me talking. To be fair, I wanted to speak. He had already heard what I wanted (Y/N) to know.

- "I just wanna tell her I love her. I need to tell her what I feel for her 'cos now I can see there might be a chance she loves me too."

- "Might be a chance?"- Morgan frowned and shook his head- "Kid, that woman is head over feet in love with you. And she has been for years. I just can't believe you've wasted all these years!!"

- "I can't believe I am sitting here with you when she is out there on a date with some other man!!"- I nearly yelled and drank what was left of my third whisky, immediately raising my hand, asking for another round. Derek raised an eyebrow as he stared at me, and somehow it felt like he was mad at me for something.

- "Kid. You know I love you, but you've been so fucking stupid and blind it's been painful for us to watch! You've had so many chances to be with her! She has been crazy in love with you ever since she was dating that other guy!!"

- "Paul? That was ages ago!"- I said ages to sound less obsessive, but I knew exactly how long it had been since they had broken up. It was also the amount of time I had spent without using Dilaudid.

- "Well, she loved you even back there! I bet you are the reason they broke up!"

- "No, I wasn't"- I sighed, thinking I wished I was, but I knew (Y/N) had broken up with him 'cos she didn't love him.

- "Why are you so sure?"

- "She told me"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at me so severely- "What?"

- "Back then, that girl got into trouble for arguing with Lila Archer. Remember?"

- "Eidetic memory, Morgan. Of course, I remember."

- "Sorry, genius"- the waitress arrived with our fourth round, and my body felt way more relaxed by them. Also, my tongue started to slur as I spoke.

- "My pretty pumpkin actually called Lila, and I quote: "annoying, always ignoring our orders, keeping herself in danger, not helping, being a squeamish little princess who is used to do whatever the fuck she wants, and who didn't care to put people around her in danger."- I chuckled remembering that conversation- "And then she joked saying "Of course you were oblivious to all this 'cos you couldn't stop staring at her."

- "Ok, Reid, that's what girls say when they are jealous! And she was clearly jealous of Lila! When she saw you two in that pool? I thought (Y/N) was gonna kill her! I swear I was waiting for her to jump into the pool and end with her!"- Morgan laughed, picturing the scene in his mind. I sipped my whisky, not quite sure he was into something there.

- "I really think she didn't like her 'cos she found her annoying. (Y/N) finds most people annoying."

- "And not you. What does that tell us?"

- "That I am not annoying"- Morgan looked at me and opened his mouth to say something but stayed quiet. And instead, he just chuckled.

- "What about that waitress?"

- "Who?"

- "The one you picked up in the bar with a magic trick?"

- "I didn't pick on her!! I was doing my work and..."

- "And you got her phone number, and she sent you that card with a kiss..."- Morgan stared at me, waiting for a reaction- "Ok, in case you didn't notice, (Y/N) was jealous of her too."

- "She was mad 'cos she said I was unprofessional."

- "Ok, fine, whatever. And now, what's the plan, casanova? When are you telling her you love her?"

- "Now, tonight, after this drink,"- and I hurried to drink it faster.

- "What?"

- "I've got a love letter like Darcy gave to Lizzy."

- "Who the fuck are those?"

- "Her favorite characters from her favorite book"- I explained, annoyed, and drunk- "They were in love but never acted on it 'cos they were both proud and held severe prejudices against each other. So when he told her he loved her, it was a mess. Then, he wrote her a letter trying to explain to her why he had been nonsensical. Then she read it and realized she loved him, but thought it was too late, so both of them acted like nothing was going on until they realized they had been fools, and Darcy confessed his love, and she told him she loved him too..."

There was a blank stare in Morgan's eyes when I was done speaking.

- "How many times have you read that?"

- "Today? Eleven"

The way Morgan wide opened his eyes, shocked, made me think maybe I had overreacted with how many times I read Pride and Prejudice. But he didn't say anything, just nodded.

- "Ok, kid, you can't talk to her today."

- "Why now? I was actually going to drop by her apartment and read the letter."

- "Spencer, you are drunk."

- "I am not!"- I was, in fact, intoxicated.

- "Prove it!"- Derek dared me, chuckling

- "How? Want me to walk on a line and touch my nose with my fingers?"

- "Go talk to those girls over there"- he pointed at a bunch of women who kept flirting with him from a distance at the bar counter.

- "Why would I do that? I am in love! I just told you I am about to confess my true feelings to the one woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I swear, Morgan, if she says she loves me, I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

- "What?!"- my friend nearly choked with his drink.

- "Yeah! I've wasted too much time! I wanna marry that woman! In fact! I'm gonna tell her that right now!"- I stood up too quickly, and the whole room started spinning. Morgan grabbed my arm and forced me to sit down again.

- "Hold on, Reid! You need a round of water before we leave this bar."

- "No, Derek, you don't get it. I finally see everything clear now!! It's all clear!! I've loved her for so long... and maybe Frank is right, maybe she has loved me all along."

- "Dude, that's literally what I've been telling you for the last hour!!"- Morgan nearly yelled, frustrated.

- "Yeah, but Frank has been her best friend since they were four! Can you imagine? Little (Y/N) at four, playing... our kid would be so cute if they are like her."

- "Ok, Reid, you are creeping me out"

- "Why?"- I couldn't understand why Morgan was so shocked. I thought he wanted to know how I felt.

- "For the last five years, you've been in love with her, and you've denied it over and over again. And now suddenly, you get drunk and spill your heart open."

- "I just... I don't want these ghosts haunting me anymore. Julio was right!"

- "You lost me, man"

- "Our last case in Miami. My head was killing me, and Julio knew it. He said it was this job and everything I was bottling up that was driving me insane. Now I can see it clearly! I have to tell (Y/N) how I feel for her! That woman is the love of my life! She saved my life!!"

- "Calm down, Spencer."

- "Calm down?? She is out there with that guy!! What if they kiss again? What if they fuck?! No way! We have to stop her. I have to stop her!!"

I don't know how I got out of that chair and stormed out of the bar.

- "Reid! Wait!"

(Y/N)'s point of view

James was hot. Yes, that's true. I can't deny what's real. I saw him talking at the other side of the table, being charming, being fucking perfect. And there I was, not feeling anything. Nothing. Good old (Y/N) a few years ago would have been crazy for that guy. Before I met Spencer. But after Spencer.... There was nothing after him. And I could see it. I could feel it inside of me. How he had ruined me without even touching me. Does that make any kind of sense?

- "So, what do you do when you are not fighting crime?"- James asked me with the most charming smile. I just sighed and tried to look interested. I honestly wanted to try. But I soon realized everything I could answer included Spencer.

- "I am a big nerd, so I'm getting ready to go to Comicon this year."

- "In costume?!"- he widened his eyes and smiled, excited

- "Yes, of course. In costume is the only way to go to Comicon,"- in costume with Reid...

- "And which is your costume this year?"

- "Slave Leia"- James smiled mischievously and ran his tongue through his lips.

- "I won't miss this Comicon."

- "I also like hanging out with my friends. I usually host dinner parties 'cos I love cooking,"- with Spencer...

- "That's awesome, 'cos I love eating. Are you into board games?"

- "Yeah! Love them! We usually play a lot."

We. Spencer, and I.

I was doomed. I was never going to love anyone else. Spencer was overshadowing everything I might like about James. What did I actually like about James? That he was interested in me. Was Spencer interested in me? Lu said so. Garia said so. Emily said so. But I didn't. Why? Why couldn't I believe Spencer might love me? Was I terrified to lose him as a friend, or was I petrified to lose myself in him? Was I scared to be loved by him? To be happy? To have someone to love me, want me, and make me happy?

Was I scared of being loved by Reid? Of being happy with him? 'Cos each time I thought about it, it didn't feel like Spencer was just a guy I had a crush on or a guy I had fallen for. It felt like he was the love of my life, my happy ending. My forever after. And that scared the shit out of me. I've always been scared I would ruin the love of my life like my parents had destroyed their happiness. I knew the job was going to get in the middle. And I was already in love with my job.

Well... so was Reid.

In fact, we shared that love. We did everything together, including working. And god, I loved being in the field with him. I hated the fear of losing him I often felt whenever we were together, but the thrill of catching an unsub with Reid, of saving lives together. Nothing could ever compare to that. Well, maybe sex with Spencer, but I didn't know it for a fact. I wished I knew...

- "(Y/N)?"- James was looking at me, waiting for an answer. But I never got the questions. I was just lost in the thought of Spencer.

- "Sorry, you were saying?"

- "I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere else... Maybe you could show me your record collection."

Dinner was over. We had our dessert and coffee. A part of me felt I had to say yes, 'cos I felt pushed to like him. But I just couldn't force it. I knew it was meant to turn out badly.

- "Actually, I'm tired... I'm sorry. It was a long week and included a trip to Miami to catch a lunatic..."

- "Of course, not a problem. I'll take you home."

The drive back to my apartment was mostly silent. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't really comfortable either. It was just me feeling Spencer's absence. And it hurt in ways I hadn't realized just yet. It made me wonder if my life without him was destined to be like that.

- "I had a great time tonight,"- I said when James parked outside my building.

- "Me too..."- he turned to me and cut me a big smile, as his eyes locked with mine. I could see him leaning in, and my whole body refused to kiss him. So I opened my door and nearly jumped out of his car.

- "Ok, it's getting late."

- "I'll walk you to your door."

- "No, you don't have to."- but James was already by my side, holding my hand (something I absolutely hated) and walking with me to my building.

- "I have to tell you, (Y/N). I was hoping to meet you at Anderson's party."

Oh shit, I didn't really want to go through that conversation with him. I thought I could just ghost out of that dinner, but James wasn't making things easy. So I opened my building's door, and he followed me in. Shit.

- "I don't know if he told you anything but... I just had the biggest crush on..."

- "James, you don't have to..."

- "But I want to. I just feel like we could go somewhere. I know it's only our first date, but I think you are the most incredible woman I've ever met. And I would be ecstatic if you would want to go out with me again."

I sighed and turned to him. We were standing by my door, and I could feel he wanted to kiss me goodnight.

- "James. I feel flattered, but... I can't do this."

- "What? Why?"

- "Because I am in love with someone else... I've been in love for a while now, but I never thought I might have to actually act on it until now..."

James stared into my eyes, confused, hurt, and... sad. I nodded and did the kindest thing I could under the circumstances and hugged him.

- "I am sorry. You are a fantastic guy, and I'm sure if I wasn't in love already, this would have worked, but..."

- "It's ok, (Y/N). Really. You don't have to apologize. I was just one date, no harm done."- my date kissed my cheek and smiled- "Besides, I got to meet my favorite profiler."

- "Prentiss?"- I joked, and he chuckled.

- "And what are you gonna do about this mystery guy?"

- "I don't know. I don't think he feels the same... but I think I have to tell him, or I'll go crazy."

- "He would be crazy if he rejects you,"- James whispered and smiled- "Good night, crime fighter."

I closed the door behind my back and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I felt bad for James. But I couldn't take care of his feelings when I had been neglecting mine for so long.

What was I supposed to do? I was so tired of overthinking everything. Of being afraid. I put the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea and laid on my couch for a minute. It smelled like Spencer. There was one of his sweaters there. I quickly grabbed it and buried my face in it, pretending it was his neck, and I could even land butterfly kisses on his skin.

I couldn't run from it anymore. I was going to tell Spencer Walter Reid what I felt for him. And I was going to do it the following day. How? With my original plan: I was going to bring his favorite breakfast to his house. I was going to apologize for being a jerk, and I was going to invite him over for dinner. I was going to cook his favorite. Then I was slowly and carefully going to handpick the right words to tell him I am desperately in love with him.

That sounded like a good plan. My phone rang, forcing me to roll on that couch, but I carried Spencer's sweater with me. It was Penelope.

- "Please don't tell me we've got a case."

- "No, munchkin. I just wanted to check on you. What happened to James?"

- "I blew him off- I stood up and walked to the kitchen to make my cup of tea- "It was kind of painful."

- "I'm glad you did anyway. You have to do the right thing."

- "Yeah, I guess,"- I closed the widow 'cos there was a lot of yelling coming from the street.

- "Where are you?- Penelope asked, probably hearing it too.

- "At home, getting ready for bed."

- "What's that noise?"

- "I don't know. I think there's a fight downstairs. Anyway, tomorrow I'm gonna talk with Spencer and tell him everything."

- "Please let me know how that goes!!"- I chuckled as I heard the genuine excitement in her voice.

- "I promise I will. Thank you for checking on me."

- "Anytime, munchkin. Sleep tight."

Spencer's point of view

- "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

I saw (Y/N) getting out of James's car, and Derek had to hold me on my seat to stop me from running over. We were parked outside of her building, and Morgan was still trying to convince me to go home. I told him I would behave and peacefully go home if I saw (Y/N) reaching her home safe and sound... without James.

But no. He was there. I could see him walking with her, hand in hand, to her building.

- "Maybe he is just going to take her to her door,"- Morgan said, trying to calm me down. I clenched my fist and waited in silence for a few seconds. But James didn't leave her at her door. He followed her inside. And that was when I lost it and literally jumped off the car.

- "Reid!! No!! Wait!!"- Derek ran behind me and grabbed my arm. A car passed and honked at us, 'cos it almost ran me over. I wanted to yell, "Fuck you!" but I barely noticed it. My eyes were locked at that building's door.

- "Dude! Come on, get back in the car!"- Derek tried to calm me down.

- "No!"- I argued and kept pulling my arm, trying to get free of his hands. But he wasn't letting me go.

- "You are drunk! You are not thinking straight! Come on!!"

- "No! Let me go! I need to talk to her!

- "What you wanna tell her, you should confess sober, with flowers... and chocolates, or whatever she likes."

- "I can't wait anymore!! I can't wait until it's perfect!! He is going to kiss her again and... and I can't deal with that!!"- I managed to get loose of Derek's hand and ran to (Y/N)'s building the second James walked out of it.

My blood boiled as soon as I saw him, and my first instinct was to punch him, But I managed to suppress it. Instead, I just looked at him threateningly. Or at least that's what I tried to do.

- "What's your problem, dude?"- James frowned as he noticed me staring.

- "You are my problem, dude,"- I answered with a snarky tone as that asshole took a step closer and shook his head.

- "What the fuck?!"

- "Stay the fuck away from (Y/N), James,"- I said, and he widened his eyes, surprised I knew him.

- "Who the hell are you?!"

- "I am the love of her life, and you are in the way of our forever after."

- "Kid, come on"- Derek tried to pull me away, but he was just embarrassing me.

- "Yes, kid. Go with your buddy. Leave (Y/N) to me."

James chuckled and turned around. And I don't know what took over me, but I couldn't control it. I ran to him and pulled his shoulder. I felt the pain of my fist hitting his face, but I didn't care if my knuckles were on fire. All I could feel was the profound pleasure of finally breaking that guy's nose with my own hands.

- "What the fuck?!"- Derek was in shock, and honestly, so was I. I didn't know I had that in me. I had never gotten in a fight that wasn't with an unsub. And still, on the field, I always tried to talk my way out of every conflict.

- "He has to back off! He is getting in the middle of my relationship with my pumpkin!!"- I argued and looked at my hand, knowing it would be sore in the morning. That was when James's fist collided against my jaw, and I felt how my whole body nearly spun like a cartoon with the strength of the blow.

- "Hey! Hey! Stop!"- Derek pulled James away from me as I touched my face, trying to put two and two together.

- "Tell your friend to stay away from me, or I'm gonna break his face!!"

- "You and which army?!"- I yelled and tried to punch him again, but Morgan stayed between us, trying to keep us apart.

- "Ok, ok, calm down, we are leaving! Reid! Come on!!"

- "No!! I am not leaving until I am sure that he is going to stay away from her!!"

- "Stay away from (Y/N)? Deal! Now get the fuck away from me!"- James shoved me on his way to his car, and I nearly hit him again. But Derek stopped me. He grabbed my arms and pushed me to his car.

- "Enough! I'll take you home."

***

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405 @eyakoroleva @nani-2305

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

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Next update: July 7th, 2021

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter One.

a/n: welcome to the first chapter of wtsgd! i’m so excited for you all to read this story and for what’s to come. please please please support content creators bc we’re doing this for free and it takes up a lot of energy to put out stories. so reblog, leave feedback, and send a message to motivate and support them. happy reading everyone <3

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 6.4k

come talk to me about wtsgd! i’d love to know your thoughts!

March 4, 2017

The trunk was filled with heavy boxes that were labeled with thick black sharpie, which didn’t seem to leave Luciana’s senses; and one too many suitcases filled with her many articles of clothing that she couldn’t get rid of—no matter how hard she tried—since she was too much of a hoarder and every piece of clothing seemed to have a lost memory in them that she tried very hard to think of, which only meant that it was worth keeping. 

A droplet of sweat leaked down the side of her face due to  her nonstop packing and heavy-lifting from her childhood room upstairs to her dad’s car in the driveway. It didn’t help that the sun was beaming down at her with every move like she was on center stage, in front of the spotlight, but it made much more sense for the sun to do that because that’s where she belonged: on stage. 

Moving to Brooklyn, New York from Cambridge, Massachusetts during, what felt like, the coldest but the sunniest day of March wasn’t the smartest move—to be fair, Luciana was never one to make a smart move, anyways—but it was one that needed to be done. Plus, all the lifting seemed to have warmed her up. 

Her destination, or now, home, in New York was one that she’d been anticipating for a while now. She had auditioned for the role as Kim in Miss Saigon on Broadway in November, and she’d gotten a callback in January for the role as the second Kim, meaning she would be on rotation to perform every week or two weeks, so the main Kim could rest. But she would still have to go to rehearsals and be on the side of the stage watching the show just in case she needed to jump in at the last minute. 

It wasn’t her ideal way of playing the main lead, but nonetheless, she was grateful for the opportunity, and she would take any chance that was thrown at her to not only take another step towards her dream, but also another learning opportunity to make her a better actress. 

Little Luci would’ve been so proud of the present Luci because it’d been her dream ever since she was younger, to be on stage and eventually, be on the big screen. Although she was far from completing her dream of being a face in Hollywood, this was a step that would take her to where she wanted to be in the future, and for that, she was proud of herself. 

As a child, Luci had been in various commercials; from being the kid that played with slime and had no lines but to just put on a big smile while the sticky substance ran through her small hands, to being the daughter in a car commercial with one line that said “Are we there yet?” with a groan and a face of exhaustion as if she were the one driving the car. She hoped that these commercials would have someone recognize her talent, to cast her as a Disney star, but that would require moving to California, which her parents were wary of. 

The commercials stopped when she reached middle school. Her early adolescent years consisted of an abundance of attitude and mood swings; Luci was a very tough and determined kid. Her love for acting had grown into a big balloon that was let go and on its way into the galaxy where no one could reach it—where no one could mess with her achieving her dream. 

She would always stand in front of her white wooden framed mirror—with delicately painted colorful flowers around the border—reciting lines that she heard from a television series or the films that she watched, and she would write them down in her blue notebook. Sometimes, her parents would let her search the script up if it was available online. But oftentimes, she would test and challenge her memorization, and listen to it by ear; testing her mind, and eventually, her memorization skills were immaculate by the age of eleven. 

It was perfect timing because by the time she was in middle school, she was able to snatch the roles she wanted when her school’s drama department held school plays. Her family thought that she would start to hate being on stage since school plays always ran until late evening, but being part of the productions had only enhanced her love for her talent, and it only prepared her for a quarter of what her future may look like. 

All in all, from a very young age, she always knew that she wanted to become an actress. The spotlight or the center of the camera was where she always craved to be. 

And she was finally making that dream come true. 

A black Toyota Camry pulled into the space behind the car that was filled with her belongings. Ren and Beatrice, Luci’s lovely parents, both get out of the car with a pink box of donuts—a snack for the road and for when she gets to her new apartment. 

“Ready, Lucky?” Beatrice asked, rubbing her daughter’s back. She was quite bummed to see Luci leave her childhood home, but she’s proud to see Lucky Luci chase her dreams. She was, after all, twenty-five and was bound to move out at some point, but to see it actually happen made Beatrice quite emotional. 

“Ma, please, don’t cry…” Luci frowned as Beatrice pressed her fingertips to the corners of her eyes. She wrapped her arm around her mother’s shoulder, comforting her. “You’re all coming to New York in a month, right? To watch me on stage?” Luci asked, reassuring herself that she would see her family in a different state to rescue her from her loneliness. 

Luci was an independent woman. She could do tasks by herself, go places alone, and she wouldn’t have a problem with it; she enjoyed the company of herself. But to know that at some point she might be alone—that everyone had left her behind or forgotten about her—was what scared her. She needed to know that the people who loved her unconditionally wouldn’t forget about her. 

“Of course we’re going!” Ren exclaimed with a smile that Luci was going to miss seeing everyday. “We can’t miss our baby on the Broadway stage. If we could, we’d go to every damn show that you’re in, but that would be a lot of gas, no?” 

She chuckled, nodding her head. She felt tears pricking her eyes at how supportive her parents were—they’ve always been. If she could, she would take them with her to New York, but her one bedroom apartment and their work said otherwise. 

“Now, Lucky, don’t cry.” It was Beatrice’s turn to comfort her daughter. Like any parent, when they see their child cry, it breaks their heart and they cry too. “We’re gonna see you real soon. You can always come back anytime you want. We’re just a phone call away and we’ll pick you up,” Beatrice said between sniffles. The mother and daughter were embracing so tenderly and comfortingly—enjoying every last moment together until they got to see each other again. 

“Jeez, you’re both the same—always crying!” Ren interrupted, making the two women laugh; and he was glad they found what he said amusing because he couldn’t handle the sad moment. “C’mon here, my Lulu.” Luci settled into her father’s arms, hugging him tightly. She’s always been her dad’s girl, despite having a close relationship with her mother, her relationship with her father was something that felt like home; he always knew what to say and when to say it. It helped that she was the female version of him. “You’re gonna be the best star out there, I’m sure of it. Now, I want you to have fun, alright? The fame, the fortune, the big city…it doesn’t amount to anything if you’re not having the time of your life” He comfortingly rubbed Luci’s back, holding her in a warm and tight squeeze. 

Luci smiled at her father’s words. She was always a bit hard on herself when she would mess up or forget a line or a movement that correlates to a specific line in her script. When she was younger, she would beat herself up for a sliver of a moment; she would cry into her pillow—sobs loud enough that they were heard from downstairs. Luci would think that she wouldn’t become a well-known actress just because of the minor forgetfulness her mind had presented. But Ren would gently tap on her ocean blue door, letting himself in because he knew his daughter didn’t have the energy to get up and let him in, and he would sit beside her, gently urging her to sit up with him. Once she complied, after many groans of refusals, she would be glad she did because her father looked deeply into her eyes—and it was like looking into the reflection of clear and clean water—and told her she was a star. It was only three words, but those three words reminded her to never give up and get up when she would hit the pavement of what she felt like were her fallen hopes and dreams. 

Ren would then end it with a statement of advice that had always lingered in her mind, resonating to the silent and harshful words that she tells herself. ‘Nothing will amount to anything if you’re not having the time of your life.’

A rush of gratitude settled upon her as her eyes became glossier by the seconds she was in Ren’s arms. Beatrice looked at her greatest treasures fondly, a smile appeared on her face only for it to be replaced by a look of confusion. 

“Where is that damn brother of yours? He said he was going to be here at ten!” Beatrice interrupted the sweet moment she was having with her father, making them disconnect from the hug—just as Ren did with Luci and Beatrice.  

Speaking of the devil, her dear brother was making his way towards home on the side of the street, wearing a grey sweatshirt that was stained with his sweat as his earphones were nestled in his ears, loudly playing music. He loudly sang along to some rap song, breath staggered as he rapped along with his hands. 

Nathan smiled once he stepped foot onto the driveway as he took out his earphones, seeing his family look at him vigilantly. Luci laughed, shaking her head. 

“Hey, there’s our superstar, little Ana!” Nathan opened his arms, ready to hug you but she quickly stopped him, curving her spine backwards to deny his hug. Ana had been one of the many nicknames her family had called her when she was growing up from the second half of her name, but Ana seemed to have stuck with Nathan as no one else really called her that, so it was his own personal nickname for her. 

“Ew, please, do not hug me.” Her face wrinkled in disgust from the spell of her brother’s sweat from his run. Nathan chuckled, playfully rolling his eyes before turning towards his parents. 

“Ooh, donuts-”

Beatrice slapped the back of his hand before he even got a chance to open the pink donut box. “Not until you shower and change. Lulu needs to be in Brooklyn by three!” 

“Ow, mother!” Nathan whipped his hand away from Beatrice’s burning slap, although he was just playing around and being dramatic. “But fine, alright. The star always gets what she wants, am I right?” He dropped his head towards Luci, sighing before he hurried inside the house to take a quick shower and change. 

Luci giggled, telling her parents that she would be right back to go up to her room to check if she’d gotten everything, even though she knew that she had everything, she just needed to reminisce alone for a moment. 

Her feet took her up the wooden stairs, where she, for some unknown reason, always spent her time sitting on as she leaned her back against the wall and read or drew. Nathan always found it weird of her when they were doing homework when they were younger, but it was just one of the many fun anecdotes he could tell reporters if he’s asked about their childhood. 

Pushing open her ocean blue door that she never changed because she loved the color, she was met with the emptiness of what was once her sanctuary. Despite the paint on the wall changing, the replacement of furniture, and rearrangement of her childhood room, Luci could still see the baby pink walls where she hung up various posters of her celebrity crushes when she was eight. She could still see herself walking over to her Cinderella white wooden dresser as she pulled out an inflatable microphone from her drawer before she walked over to her bed to sing her heart out with her cousin. In the corner of her room was her mirror that she painted colorful flowers along the border when she was younger, and she definitely did not want to change or get rid of it; it wasn’t difficult to stir up a memory when she was in front of that mirror because up until now, she was always reciting her lines to her own reflection until the late night. 

All of these memories that Luci held within her heart would help her ground herself—remind her where she came from. No matter where her career took her, she would always be the girl that was firstly known in her room, crying, laughing, and acting within the four baby pink walls until she was sixteen, and then it changed to an ecru white. The feeling of nostalgia clutched her chest, and for the second time today—not even noon, yet—she found herself crying. 

She silently sobbed in her sanctuary. Her chest felt tight, like her heart was grasping onto the memories, begging her to not leave, to not move on. But moving on would mean being stuck, and she didn’t want to feel stuck—she just never wanted to be in one place where the walls would slowly feel like they were closing in on her. She didn’t want to be in one place and eventually hated it, so for that, she had to move on. 

A soft knock was heard from the outside of her bedroom, making Luci turn around hastily. She found Beatrice standing in the doorway, warmly smiling at her daughter, and keeping the tears at bay because she needed the comfort of her mother more than her mother’s tears. 

“My Lucky Star…” Beatrice walked into the room, welcoming Luci into her arms. “You okay?” 

Luci deeply inhaled and exhaled as she calmed herself down from her cries. “I’m alright. It’s just hard saying goodbye to this place—to my room.”’

“Oh, Lulu. You don’t need to say goodbye. I know you’ll be coming back here soon, anyways. I know you love home too much to completely stay away.” Beatrice was subtly trying to remind Luci about her love for her hometown, for her home, but her words also were trying to remind her about that certain love for her home and to never forget that love so she doesn’t stray away because Beatrice was simply afraid Luci would never want to come back once she discovered the luxury of her career. And even though she knew her Lulu wasn’t one to forget about her family, Beatrice would never admit her fear. 

Luci sniffled, wiping her tears away as she pulled away from her mother’s embrace. “Yeah, I know. Just…doesn’t feel real that I’m leaving.” 

“Sure, you’re leaving, but you’re going off to do bigger and better things. You were never one to stay in one place, physically and mentally—you were always moving, always loved learning more. And I’ve always been so intrigued and interested in how your mind works.” 

“Ma…” The waterworks seemed to be the highlight of the move. 

“I’m serious! I’m so genuinely proud of you. You’ve been keeping your talent—and I don’t mean ‘high school plays’ talent. I mean your Broadway, Hollywood, Academy winning talent. Now, you get to showcase your light in front of thousands of people.” Beatrice always had a way of boosting Luci’s self-esteem, making her ego a tad bit more bigger than it already was. She didn’t mind if her self-esteem had skyrocketed into the galaxy of her dreams, but she always reminded Luci that being humble and kind always outweighed being obnoxious and arrogant. “Now, enough with these tears. You’ve got a road trip to New York. C’mon, now.” 

They made their way downstairs and out the door where Ren and Nathan were talking about the latest basketball game of the Celtics. The trunk was closed, and the only thing waiting was Luci herself. 

“There she is! Ready?” 

Luci took a deep breath, turning her head to look back at the pastel yellow house that had kept her safe for the past twenty-five years. From here, she knew everything was going to change. Whether it’d be for the good or if things would go downhill from here? She didn’t know; all she knew was that she was going to be doing what she loved and she was going to have the time of her life doing it. 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” 

The state of Connecticut seemed to pass by quickly from the car as Nathan drove at a decent seventy miles per hour; the state vanished just as quickly as when they entered. 

Luci mindlessly looked out the window, thinking about everything and nothing at once as she drowned out the music playing through the speakers of the car and Nathan’s voice singing along. 

The cars passing by, the bystanders, and the locals filled the streets and highways, making her wonder what all of these people’s stories were—wondering if they lived in this city or if they were just stopping by to visit, or if they’re just going through the state to get to the one next door just as she was. Maybe she’s had an encounter or simply passed by them on the street in a world that seemed too large but small at the same time. She always pondered on whether everyone else thought the way she thought—if they wondered what her story was or the people around them. 

The world is an interesting place and there were so many intriguing people out there, making her more excited by the minute as she takes on this new adventure in her life that would be completely life changing. Luci’s going to be meeting so many new people that, she would hope, have an impact on her personal life or career. 

“Nervous?” Nathan broke the comfortable silence between them. 

Luci raised her brows and curled her lips into her mouth. “A bit.” 

He nodded, thinking for a moment. Nathan was always one to think before he spoke, and it was a quality that some people needed to learn how to do. He quickly learned that lesson when he was in high school; one of his friends, Johnny, and him were going back and forth joking around with one another. And for some odd reason, teenage boys liked to joke around about fucking everything, so Nathan had said “Yeah, I fucked your mom, what about it?” without thinking. Johnny stayed silent, the rest of their friends were waiting for his comeback, but they only received tears that glossed over his eyes before he ran off to a different part of campus, away from the lunch tables. Nathan found him behind the orchestra building with his face pressed on his kneecaps, crying. Later, he found out that Johnny’s mother had passed away before their sophomore year started and he hadn’t told anyone, which left Nathan quite speechless, but it was a lesson that he learned: to think before anything comes out of his mouth. 

“I know you’ll do great. You were born to do this, born to be on stage. Everything you do is to greater your experience and opportunities. All the mistakes you’re gonna make, which we both know you’re gonna make, they’re gonna be learning lessons for you to continue doing what you’re good at doing; the mistakes are there so you can better yourself,” he reassured, occasionally glancing at you briefly before averting his eyes back onto the highway. 

Luci smiled, never taking her eyes off her older brother. She leaned closer to the middle console, where his right arm was resting on the padded console. Hugging his arm tightly and resting her cheek on his shoulder, she accepted and appreciated his advice, his words. They made her heart fill up with so much gratitude and love, insanely grateful and happy that she had such an amazing and supportive family who always knew the right things to say when they could sense her nerves and anxieties powering through the roof. 

“You’re gonna kill it out there. This is just a step towards where you wanna go, where you actually wanna be.” 

She nodded, looking to her right as they quickly passed the ‘Welcome to New York’ sign from the state line of Connecticut and New York, and it was the sign indicating her new home. 

Nathan pulled into the apartment’s parking garage, entering in with the code that the complex gave Luci on the silver keypad as the two watched the automatic gate arm swing up to the side, and Nathan entered the parking structure, parking in one of the many spaces available. 

Luci excitedly got out of the car, rushing to the trunk where Nathan had opened it from inside the car. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to bring the hand dolly to help carry the boxes, which meant that the siblings were going to have to carry the many boxes she packed by her own hand and strength. But luckily, some of them weren’t that heavy; most of the items in the brown boxes were kitchenware and she figured she could just drag those. 

One by one, they took one box each and headed for the elevator, where it took them to her apartment floor—floor four. Luci grabbed the keys from her purse that contained two copper keys hanging on one single silver loop and a small keyless sensor, and she unlocked her navy blue door, revealing her new apartment. 

When she entered, she was met with a door across the entrance that she would use for her coats and shoes, things that she would need when she’s rushing out the door. Going through the small hallway in from the entrance, it led her to another small hallway to her left where her bedroom and guest bathroom was; and to her right, it would take her to the kitchen and living space. With four big windows with black window frames, the natural light really came in, making her place brighter for saving electricity. 

Walking in and putting the boxes against the black cabinets in the kitchen, she immediately fell in love with the space, her space. Despite already taking a tour of the apartment a few months prior to her official move in day, it felt different being there for the second time because she now knew that this place was hers. She saw it in a different light, and she was already anticipating the memories she was going to make in her new home. The place was empty; and with every step and every noise from her mouth, the room would echo, and she loved it. There was something satisfying about the echo in an empty space that was hers, like she wanted to furnish the hell out of it, but at the same time, she didn’t mind the echo. 

“This is your new home.” Nathan put an arm around Luci’s shoulder. He got a bit emotional seeing his baby sister grow up and move away from home, but he was excited for all of the experiences and memories she was going to make. Luci looked up at him, not saying anything but smiling as she was speechless. Nathan could practically feel the excitement run through her and all he did was chuckle at her speechlessness. “C’mon, let’s go get the rest of the boxes.” 

For the next fifteen minutes, Luci and Nathan hauled the boxes from the car, to the elevator, and down the hallway to her apartment. There were about four more boxes left in the trunk, and they would’ve been finished by now if they hadn’t been taking breaks. 

Nathan’s phone rang as he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the cabinets of the kitchen across from Luci who was sitting in the corner where her dining table would be. 

“Hello?” Answered Nathan. “What? Tonight? I’m in New York. I’m helping my little sister move here. Uh, okay. Sure. Bye.” He groaned, standing up. 

“Who was that?” Luci asked, nosy as she was. 

“That was one of the board members at Mass General Hospital.” Luci’s eyes widened. “They just asked me if I could come in tonight to teach and supervise the new residents.” Nathan was a general doctor working in the Emergency Room as Mass General back in Boston. He’s always wanted to teach with all the knowledge he’s stored in his brain—always wanting someone to learn a thing or two when they spoke to him, and this was his chance. 

“Holy shit, that’s amazing, Nate!” Luci stood up, excited for him.

He started to breathe a bit heavily and Luci immediately took notice; she could practically feel the nerves coming out of him, the same nerves she felt while going in for an audition. “Yeah, I actually have to leave, like, right now.” 

“Hey, hey.” She quickly stopped him from running out of the building and out of his mind. “Come here—breathe with me for a second.” She held onto his wrists gently. 

“Luci, I have to-”

He pulled away, but she tugged him back. “You’re going to drive yourself through the highway, and who knows what will happen, you might get pulled over and you won’t make it to the hospital. So, just take sixty seconds to breathe with me.” 

For the remainder of the time that they had together, they took some deep breaths. She spoke encouraging and uplifting words to him to calm down his nerves and anxieties that he seemed to drive himself over a cliff for, and it seemed to work as Nathan’s shoulder’s weren’t so tense and the grip on her hands had loosened. 

The two of them walked down to the parking garage where Nathan took down the last four boxes and placed them by the entrance of the complex. He was adamant on helping her get the last few boxes up to her apartment, but she shrugged it off, telling him that she was able to carry them and that he needed to leave because he’s most likely going to hit traffic during rush hour. 

“Call me if you need anything, okay? I mean it. I will drive here in a heartbeat.” 

“I will, I will-”

“Just not tonight,” he joked. “This is the highlight of my career.” His smile was so bright that it was like he was a little kid on Christmas again who just received a Hot Speed set from Santa. 

Luci laughed, hugging him goodbye. “And call me if you need anything too. I’ll miss seeing you everyday,” she admitted, a slight frown on her face. She thought she’d have the entire day with Nathan, but it was cut short due to his work but she wasn’t mad about that at all because she knew there'd be plenty of times when he would drive down to walk along the New York streets and see her perform. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, Ana. But I love you and I’ll see you next month!” He hurried into his car, and Luci watched him as he pulled out of the driveway, waving at the rear view mirror to say one last ‘see you later’ to his little sister. 

Walking back to the curb where all of the boxes were set, Luci picked one up to test how heavy it was and she barely made it upright without almost hurting her back, so she put the box down to take a proper breather. She decided to drag the box closer to the door of the complex—which saved her a few steps without completely dropping the box that was labeled ‘glass plates’—and pulled the handle of the door, only to find it completely locked. There was a slight panic that flew through her until she realized that she needed her keyless tag that she had to press against the pad on the wall to get inside the complex, so she blew out a sigh of relief before reaching down to her pocket for her key, and with just her luck, her keys weren’t in her pocket or with her at all. Then she started to panic again. 

Luci quickly walked out of the parking garage and to the front of the building where the leasing office was to find them closed, which was odd because it was Saturday, but apparently their servers were down so they just decided to take the entire day off. She rolled her eyes annoyingly, walking back to the garage in a fast manner because she didn’t want anyone to take her boxes, and so she figured that she could just wait until someone left the complex or arrived. She even left her phone at her place, so it wasn’t like she could call anyone to help her, but some sort of entertainment would help the time go by quicker. 

Sitting on the curb in the garage, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, and humming the melody from the Miss Saigon soundtrack, an hour goes by until she sees someone walk past the automatic gate barrier, heading towards the entrance where he opened the door with his tag. Luci sprinted towards the door, calling out for help. 

“Wait, wait!” The man turned around confusingly, taking his AirPod out of one ear. She caught up, taking deep breaths as she waved at the man. “Sorry, I’ve been out here for an hour and I completely forgot my key.” He didn’t say anything but stared at her, wondering why he’s never seen this woman before. The apartment complex really only had four floors, and he’s sure that he’s seen everyone who’s lived here. She noticed that he looked down at the boxes and back at her. “Oh, I just moved in.” He nodded more understandingly. “Do you mind holding the door for me?” 

“Sure.” Was the first thing he told her before stepping aside to hold the door. She took another deep breath, getting into the correct form so she doesn’t throw her back out, and began to lift the heavy box. He noticed her struggling, and he felt foolish for not offering his help in the first place when he noticed the four boxes on the cement. “Here, sorry, let me help with that. Get the door, yeah?” Luci’s heart flipped once she heard his deep, accented voice before she gratefully thanked him and he grabbed the box from her, replacing her hands with his and the slightest brush of their fingers made her flustered; he held the box tightly to his chest without much struggle. 

“Yeah, let me just get this one.” Luci grabbed a much lighter box that had all of her shoes, and held the door for him with her foot as he made his way inside of the building and to the elevator. He pressed the button with the arrow pointing up, and luckily, they didn’t have to wait for more than five seconds before the bell at the top chimed and the stainless steel doors opened. 

With the heavy box in his hands, he still let Luci walk in first, which made her smile and he followed in as she pressed with the bold ‘4’ printed on it. He held the box in between his chest and the other end of the bar on the wall as they waited in silence as the elevator lifted them up to her apartment floor, and she brushed past him when he lifted his arm, gesturing her to go first. 

Her front door was closed but it was unlocked, which only made sense, so she opened her door, putting the box next to the entrance and politely asking the man to put it next to the one you put down. 

“Thank you so much, really. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help.” 

“It’s no problem. I was the same when I moved here too—forgot my keys and was locked out.” He related to make her feel lighter about the situation since it was an honest mishap. 

“Did you go to the leasing office?” She asked curiously. 

“Yeah, but they were closed.” 

“They’re closed today too! It’s like they do that on purpose whenever someone new moves in.” The man chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. 

She hadn’t gotten a proper look at him since she was too distracted by trying to get into her building, but just by one real look at him, he was very attractive—probably too attractive to where she couldn’t think straight. He was wearing a pastel yellow and white striped button down that was a bit flowy and open, showing his white tank underneath that was tucked into his black skinny jeans. His tank top was low enough, exposing a patch of chest hair and his necklace that rested against his skin, in between his swallow tattoos just below his collarbones. Rings hugged his long fingers on both hands as he held two brown paper bags from Trader Joes. He was handsome, that’s for sure, and she felt like she was going to compare his beauty to all the other men that she was going to encounter in the future. 

“They’re not very good at going into work, but if you give them a call then it’s like they’re a 24/7 help center.” 

Luci nodded, chuckling. “Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“I’ll help you with the last boxes.” Before she was about to protest and tell him that he didn’t have to help her anymore because she was sure the last ones were light, he made his way towards the elevator and she quickly followed. 

To her surprise, one of the boxes was heavier than the other and she was glad that the man was able to carry it for her. They took the boxes up to her apartment, stacking it on top of the ones that were set down before she thanked him gratefully again. 

“I really appreciate all your help.” She smiled, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Not that I’m doubting your strength or anything, but how were you supposed to get those boxes up to your apartment?” He asked softly, not wanting to offend her by his words. 

“Oh, my brother was supposed to help me, but he had to go back home for an emergency at work.” The man nodded, seeming that was the most acceptable answer, not like he was searching if she was lying. “But thank you for your help. You’re a true lifesaver,” she said with a soft smile on her face. Her tone was a bit flirty than she wanted it to be, but it naturally came out. 

“It’s not a problem. I’ll see you around.” Luci hadn’t closed her door yet, but she found out that he was literally her neighbor on the opposite side of the wall. He didn’t even have to take two steps to get to his place—all he had to do was turn around and he was home. She smiled at the thought of that, glad that her neighbor was already so kind to her. 

As he was fumbling with his keys, he eventually got his door unlocked, and Luci was itching to ask what his name was—maybe make her first friend during her first day living in the big city. The man felt his neighbor's eyes on him, burning through the back of his head, so he turned around at the same time she spoke. 

“Uh, hey,” Luci called out. He was looking over his shoulder, pursing his lips as he raised his brows. “I was wondering if…you’d like to have dinner with me tonight? Y’know, to thank you for all your help and practically saving me while I was stranded.” She chuckled, playing with the tips of her fingers as she looked at him with hope. 

He thought the invitation was nice, but…“It’s okay, really. I, uh, have plans already tonight,” he admitted honestly because he doesn’t make a habit of being dishonest. 

Luci had some thick skin—she grew it throughout the years, and she had always been pretty confident. So many people would think that she could handle rejection well because she’s auditioned for many roles in her lifetime, and had been rejected for most of those roles. But the rejection that her neighbor handed to her so respectfully and politely was one that hit her the most, and she didn't know why. 

Curling her lips into her mouth as she felt the pang of her heart sinking into her chest, she nodded and placed a small smile onto her face. 

“Have fun tonight, then. I’ll see you around.” She grinned, hiding the slight bit of pain that she felt. He nodded, walking inside his apartment as she was in her doorway as well. “Oh, I’m Luci, by the way.” She introduced herself, feeling like she should have done that ten minutes ago, but it had slipped her mind. 

The corner of the man’s mouth turned up into a sly smirk, and she nearly felt herself fall as she gripped the door handle tightly. It was enough to make the pain in her chest disappear, and all thoughts of the rejection that she would think about for the rest of the night vanished. 

“Nice to meet you, Luci. I’m Harry.” 

With that, Harry closed his door, putting a barrier between him and Luci, who was still standing in her doorway. She let out the longest sigh of her life, feeling like she’d been constricting herself from breathing properly for the last ten minutes. 

Luci closed her door and leaned against it, looking down at the boxes that were resting by her feet. She softly smiled, her cheeks were starting to get warm, and she was fully aware that Harry was the cause of it.

come talk to me about your thoughts and feelings! hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, thank you for reading <3 

ty to @sunflowers-styles​ for beta reading!

[peepeepotter]

Idea: enemies to lovers w Fred or George, with smut???

oh HELL yeah that’s what i’m talking ab!!! i’ll be writing that soon thank u <33

UPDATE: I wrote it. Here!!

Pride and Prejudice

Pairing: Fred Weasley x fem!Reader

Warnings: cursing, NSFW 18+ ONLY, smut (I’ll add a warning so you can skip it if you don’t want to read it): face fucking, oral (male and female receiving), grinding, unprotected sex (it’s not worth it irl pls use a condom <3)

Word Count: 4.2k

One could definitely say Y/N and Fred didn’t get along. It was always strange to both of them, considering that they were so similar, they got along with each other’s friends, but when it came to each other something just didn’t click. George figured they were too similar, Angelina thought they were just too competitive with each other, but neither Fred nor Y/N could really place why. They just didn’t like each other and did about anything they could to piss the other off.

It was always silly pranks, minor jokes, and constant bickering. The first time Fred had ever pranked Y/N was their first year at Hogwarts. Right as she was pulling a mandrake out of its pot, he slipped her earmuffs off, causing her to faint. Or, at least, this is how she remembered it. Little did he know, Y/N was just as fierce as he was and more than willing to get him back. He had successfully started a prank war. About a week after she had been embarrassed in front of her entire class, she decided revenge was a dish best served by house elves. She sweet-talked some of the house elves in the kitchens into charming his plate, so every time he tried to put food on it the food would disappear. The pranks went on, ranging from changing each other’s hair color, charming broomsticks to constantly knock them off, and stealing the other’s homework.

Although, it seemed to be getting a lot worse in their sixth year. The pranks were getting to be a lot, the lack of teamwork during quidditch, the bickering. All of it was starting to get old to their friends. Finally, one day, everything exploded.

Fred had a great idea that morning for how he was going to fuck with Y/N that day. He had gotten his hands on some veritaserum the year before, and although their friends typically used it during truth or dare, he had decided it might be fun to give it to Y/N right before potions. So, as she turned to talk to Angelina, Fred slipped some into her juice. About fifteen minutes later, Y/N answered every question asked to her truthfully, and she knew there was a problem.

“Hey, Y/N, what time did you go to sleep last night?” Fred asked, testing to see if it had kicked in yet. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows.

“I couldn’t fall asleep until like four because of Angelina’s snoring.” She quickly put a hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

“Y/N! That’s kind of rude.” Angelina lightly slapped Y/N’s arm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” Y/N’s cheeks were flushed red. When they all sat down in potions, trouble started.

“Miss Y/L/N, what is the last ingredient meant to be added to liquid luck?”

“I’m sorry, professor, I don’t know the answer because I’m busy having a life.” The class, Snape included, fell entirely silent, Fred trying to hold back his laughter as to not give himself away.

“Twenty points from Gryffindor, Miss Y/L/N see me after class.”

“What, so you can mentally abuse me like you do your other students?”

“Fifty points, want to make it more?” Snape threatened, turning around. His cape flung across the front of the classroom, and before Y/N could make another comment about Snape, Angelina spoke.

“Y/N, what’s gotten into you today? That’s not funny.” Angelina whispered to Y/N.

“Angelina, it’s not meant to be funny, but even if it were, it would go over your head.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Aren’t you failing all of your classes right now? You spend so much time practicing quidditch, like sure we get it. You’re good, but maybe you’d be a little smarter if you paid attention in classes.” Once again, Y/N slammed her hand over her mouth. Fred started cackling, although neither Angelina nor George found it funny.

“What are you laughing about?” George asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey, Y/N, are you sure that’s why she’s failing?” Fred snickered, ignoring George.

“Actually, Angelina, maybe if you spent less time ogling George you’d do better in this course. Or maybe it’s just because Snape actually is a terrible teacher, right professor? I mean, he doesn’t actually teach anything, all we do is read from the stupid text that’s older than Professor-I-don’t-wash-my-hair up there.” This time, Fred was laughing so hard that other people in the classroom started quietly laughing. Y/N and Angelina were both crying at this point. “I can’t stop, what’s wrong with me?” Snape, immediately understanding what was going on, sent both Fred and Y/N to their head of house.

“Mr. Weasley, do you understand that you drugged a student? This is a serious offense. We have a girl in tears in potions.” McGonagall lectured. Fred held back a smirk, trying to keep himself from laughing.

“It’s just veritaserum, she’s the one who said all of that mean stuff.”

“Yes, Mr. Weasley, but it’s also your fault. Frankly, the professors and I are quite tired of the pranking and joking between you two. We understand there’s some kind of rivalry here, but it’s gone too far this time. You humiliated a student and a professor during class. Both of you.” Y/N had tear tracks on her cheeks and almost started crying while being lectured.

“I think it’s time you two learn to get together. One month of detention. Immediately after classes, I want you both in my office. Every afternoon, weekends too. No more Hogsmeade trips this year.”

“Professor--”

“I don’t want to hear it. We’ll see if you can attend the yule ball in December when we get there.” Now Y/N was crying, upset that she might miss out on something everyone else would be able to go to.

--

“I can’t believe you drugged me.”

“Shut up, it’s literally just veritaserum.”

“Whatever, you prick, no one will talk to me anymore. Angelina’s my best friend, and she won’t even look at me.”

“Well, George won’t talk to me, either. So, whatever. We’re in it together.”

“Because of you, do you ever even think before you act?”

“I’m sorry, you’re speaking to me about thinking before I act? Couldn’t you have just not spoken?”

“Do you even know how veritaserum works? You dipshit.”

The two argued on opposite sides of McGonagall’s classroom, having been ordered to literally just sit there, eat dinner, and go to bed when they’re done. 

“What kind of detention is this anyway? No lines, no trophy polishing.”

“They’re just trying to get us to deal with each other. And stop pranking each other, probably.” Y/N glared at Fred, narrowing her eyes. He rolled his.

The next day at their second detention, they sat in silence for the majority of their time together. Y/N was just glad they weren’t arguing this time.

“Has Angelina spoken to you, yet?” Fred broke the silence about a half-hour before detention was over, and they could return to their common room to do homework before bed.

“No, has George spoken to you?” Y/N asked politely.

“No.” Fred deadpanned.

“Do you feel bad yet?” She smirked, staring at her hands.

“Yes, but not for you.” Y/N rolled her eyes at his response.

“Whatever, prick.”

“Look, we wouldn’t be in this boat if you hadn’t dyed my hair green last year.”

“Actually, we wouldn’t be in this boat if you hadn’t made my broom knock me off in the middle of the quidditch pitch. I had a concussion, you fucker.”

“Actually--”

“Oh my god, actually, I don’t care. Okay? Shut up.” Y/N snapped, finally turning to look at him. He looked over at her. Their eye contact was uncomfortable, challenging.

Finally, a week after their detentions started, Y/N decided to try civility.

“So...how was your day?” Y/N asked, picking at her nails.

“So we’re not arguing today? Are you playing a trick on me?”

“If you’re going to catch an attitude with me then forget it. I just haven’t spoken to anyone other than you for the past week. I figured we should at least have one positive conversation.” She rolled her eyes, turning in her chair to look over at him.

“My day was uneventful, thanks,” Fred answered, turning in his chair to look over at her. “...how was yours?”

“The same.”

“Lame.”

“I mean, yeah, obviously.”

“What homework do you have?”

“Potions still. I suppose Professor Oily wasn’t too happy with the truth on my mind.” Fred smirked at this answer.

“You have to admit, what you said to him was hilarious.”

“Oh yeah, I don’t give a shit about bullying him, I’m just upset Angelina’s still upset.”

“That’s fair, I didn’t mean to cause that. I’m sorry. I guess.” Fred apologized. “Don’t let that go to your head.” He added quickly, seeing a smile form on Y/N’s face.

“Have you ever apologized in your life before now.”

“Countless times, I just didn’t ever care enough to apologize to you.” He chided.

“Oh, so we are arguing today, then?”

“No, sorry. I just,” He paused, looking for the right words.

“Don’t like me?” Y/N assumed.

“That’s not even it, I guess. I don’t have a reason to dislike you.” Fred shrugged. It was weird because he only disliked her because she disliked him. 

“I know!! I only dislike you because you started the pranks when we were eleven.” Y/N spoke up excitedly.

“Did I?” Fred scrunched his face, trying to remember.

“Yeah, you took my earmuffs off when we were pulling mandrakes in herbology first year.” Y/N shrugged, now seeing that it wasn’t worth being so upset about.

“Oh, no, that was an accident. I was trying to make it cover your ears better, but I accidentally pulled it off.” Y/N froze, her eyes closing.

“Oh, Godric.” She facepalmed.

“What?” Fred asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“You idiot!! If you had just told me that we wouldn’t be here.” She stood, stomping her foot.

“What does that mean?” Fred stood.

“I pranked you a week after that happened. I made all the food on your plate disappear.” Her hands were balled into fists at her side.

“See! I knew you started it.” He pointed accusingly at her.

“Only because you’re awful at communicating!” She pointed back.

“...So…this all started from a miscommunication?” He stared at the ground, realizing he had an enemy after all this time that could’ve been a friend.

“Exactly.”

“Okay, go home.” McGonagall flung the door open, excusing the two. The two grabbed their bags and left the classroom. On the walk back to the Gryffindor dorms, they spoke about how stupid they felt after all this time of hating each other for no reason. They worked on their homework together, having no one else to help them, and went to bed.

Saturday arrived, and the two arrived at the classroom together. After McGonagall left, they spoke of previous pranks that had actually been great ideas. They spoke about quidditch, classes, the Triwizard tournament. Eventually, they got back to talking about their lack of friends.

“I guess it’s probably worse for you, though, since George is your twin.” Y/N offered, a frown on her face.

“He’ll get over it. He always does, and I’ve tried apologizing a ton already. At this point, I think maybe they’re being a bit dramatic.”

“Or they’re planning something.”

“Like, revenge?”

“Maybe.” Y/N’s face scrunched in thought.

“Well, anyway, did you see McGonagall use Ron when she was teaching us how to dance.”

“Oh Godric, yeah I did. I was laughing so hard. Did you get to practice?”

“No, she told me to wait it out. You?”

“Same.” Y/N frowned, looking at her feet.

“Wanna practice together? In case we do get to go?”

“Who will even go with us? Even Slytherins won’t talk to me.”

“That’s a problem we’ll fix when we get there.” Fred stood up, getting closer to the sitting girl. She blushed when he held a hand out for her to grab. She grabbed it, standing up. She was able to fully realize how tall the twins were, never getting that close to either of them. Fred towered over her, making the dance a little awkward. They kept accidentally making eye contact, both just trying to peek at the other.

“Wait, no, I think you messed up that part.” Y/N stopped, staring at their feet.

“I thought it was right left left right?” He asked, looking at the top of her head until she looked up and made eye contact.

“I thought you’re supposed to switch off?” She furrowed her brow.

“Honestly, you probably paid more attention than I did.” He shrugged, his hands still holding hers.

“You’re right, I definitely pay more attention than you.” 

“Oh, shut up.” Fred laughed, gently pushing Y/N away.

“Aw, a little sensitive?” She asked, grabbing his hands and looking at the floor again.

“Never sensitive from you, darling.” He also stared at their feet, making sure the steps were right.

“Except for when I turned your hair green.” She looked up at him, he shook his head.

“Oh Merlin, okay, yeah. That one time, I cried, yeah.” She squeezed his hand to make sure he knew she was joking, and he squeezed back.

The two practiced dancing every day for a week. The following Saturday, Y/N brought a muggle music player (“What’s that?” “It’s called a walkman.” “Oh, weird.”) so they had something to listen to while they practiced, but they pretty much knew the steps by heart by then. They swayed, dancing to the music much closer than they had been the previous Saturday. Y/N rested her head against Fred’s lower chest.

“What’s your family like?” She asked, bored.

“Big.” He laughed.

“Well, duh.” She laughed, trying to take her hand out of his to hit his chest, but he held it tighter. She looked up at him, chin against his chest. “I mean, like, what are they like? What do they do, what do they enjoy, what are they passionate about?” She bombarded. He looked down at her, his heart fluttering.

“Ginny is a killer quidditch player, and she’s just so kind. She befriended this girl who doesn’t have any other friends just so she can stick up for her when she gets bullied. Ron doesn’t have any common sense, but he’s pretty smart. He’s really good at Wizard’s chess, and quidditch, too. I think he feels like he’s second-best a lot because of Harry, but neither of them can really help it. George is just me,”

“That’s not true. You guys are very different.”

“Mum can’t always tell us apart.”

“His nose is more hooked than yours, and your voices are different. Besides, he’s more soft-spoken, and he probably feels like Ron does with Harry.”

“What do you mean?”

“Second best to you. You have this ability to make a spotlight on yourself in any room you walk into. But that’s not something either of you can control. I think you’re just more extroverted.” Y/N shrugged, placing her cheek against his chest again. Fred stopped moving his feet suddenly. Y/N looked up, pressing her chin against his chest again. “I’m sorry, did I overstep?”

“No, you just...nailed it. No one’s ever done that before. George and I used to get into little spats because of it. Also, I don’t think anyone’s ever noticed our differences before.” He once again felt a flutter in his heart.

“I think Angelina has noticed too.” Y/N shrugged, trying to make a lesser deal of the issue.

“Maybe.” He smiled down at her, she smiled back softly.

“You know, we only have like a week and a half left together. What should we do? I feel like we’re experts on this dance.” Despite her words, they continued swaying softly.

“I don’t know. What do you like to do other than pranks and quidditch?” He asked, leaning down to rest his chin on top of her head.

“Read.” She shrugged.

“Bring a book tomorrow, read to me.” This time her heart jumped into her throat. Something about reading aloud to someone seemed intimate.

“Okay.” She smiled. 

So Y/N brought a book the next day. Her favorite muggle book, pride and prejudice. It didn’t take long for them to finish, Fred’s head in her lap, sprawled across the floor together.

“Why’s it so...old-timey?”

“It was written in the late 1700s.”

“They kind of remind me of us.”

“Why? Because they used to hate each other?”

“I guess.” He shrugged. He was hoping for a love story like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.

“What do we do now?” Y/N raked her fingers through his hair, his eyes closed at the feeling.

“Wanna make out?” He grinned without opening his eyes. She laughed.

“Stop it!” Y/N stopped her movements, still smiling. He opened his eyes and sat up, smiling.

“Stop what?” He asked, starting to tickle her sides. She laughed loudly, throwing her head back. He continued until she was lying on the floor. He was on top of her, straddling her. Finally, he stopped, and she opened her eyes, still smiling.

“Do you...would you want to go to the Yule ball with me? If we can go.” He asked, not moving from the position. She sat up on her forearms.

“I don’t see why not. We already know how to dance together.” She shrugged, trying to play nonchalant by looking at her nails.

“Y/N?” She looked up. “Can I kiss you?” Fred asked, looking somewhat sheepish for the first time ever. She offered a soft smile, grabbing his cheek and pulling him down to her face.

(warning: smut starts here)

The kiss started soft, sweet. Y/N’s heart was beating out of her chest. Fred’s heart was in his throat. Eventually, she pulled on his bottom lip with her teeth softly, causing Fred to moan. At the sound, she felt wetness pool in her panties. “Y/N, I think I’m falling in love with you.” He whispered against her lips.

“Maybe I’m falling for you, too, Freddie.” She whispered, pushing their lips back together. She pulled his hair softly, causing the noise again. Smiling slightly into the kiss, she grabbed his arm, flipping them over so she was straddling his waist.

“Woah,” He paused, lips swollen. “That was kinda hot.” She laughed, leaning down to kiss him again. She felt his hard member against her clothed heat. She ground her hips down onto his, causing a much deeper moan to arise from Fred’s throat. He brought one hand to her waist, the other holding the side of her face. His hand on her waist traveled down to squeeze her ass underneath her skirt. This time, she moaned, making him harder. His hands traveled to the bottom of her t-shirt, tugging on it. She pulled away.

“Can I take this off?” He asked, his face slightly pink. She nodded wordlessly, helping him pull it off of her. He took his own shirt off, sitting up to kiss her. He grabbed one side of her face, kissing her hard once again. He slowly moved, leaving pecks from her face to her neck, where he latched and started sucking, causing soft moans to come out of her mouth.

“Freddie,” She panted, eyes closed. He moaned at the sound of her voice, his rough hand on her wait moving to grab her breast above her bra. She reached behind her and took it off, pulling his hand back to her bare breast. He kneaded it, paying extra attention to her nipple. He latched his mouth onto her other nipple, rolling his tongue over it. She moaned softly.

“Don’t hold back, darling, we’re here for a while.” He encouraged, whispering against her breast. She softly pushed his chest encouraging him to lay down. She kissed down his chest to where his pants started, looking up through hooded eyelids to ask if she could take off his pants.

“I want you to face fuck me.” She whispered, he moaned at the thought alone. He helped her take his jeans off, pulling her face quickly towards his to kiss her once more. “You don’t have to, you know. I didn’t say that because I wanted to fuck you.”

“I know, Freddie. I want to do this.” She smiled, sitting up on her knees. “Now stand up.” She encouraged. When he stood in front of her, she grabbed his cock, licking a stripe down the bottom of it. She wrapped her lips around his tip, causing a guttural groan to arise from Fred’s throat. He collected her hair into his hand, and she grabbed onto his thigh to steady herself. He was gentle, pulling her head towards him slowly. Each time she made it back to his tip, she circled her tongue around the head, causing a deep groan. She started pushing her head faster, encouraging him to take control of her. He did, pulling her far deeper onto his cock, until she could feel him on her throat. He set the pace faster, pulling her head quickly back and forth on him. When she could feel his cock twitched she pulled away gently.

“I don’t want you to cum yet. I want you inside of me.”

“Are you trying to commit a murder today? You’re killing me with the way you speak.” He moaned, pulling her up by her cheek to kiss her once again. He sat her on a desk without pulling away, unzipping her skirt. He kissed her neck and down her chest as he pulled her skirt off. He pulled her closer to the edge of the desk, his face inches away from her cunt. As he kissed the inside of her knee and thigh he asked if what he was doing was okay, and she nodded, moaning. He pulled her panties off, latching his lips onto her clit quickly. He flicked his tongue quickly against the small bundle of nerves.

“Finger me.” She moaned out, her hands tangled in his hair. Her eyes were closed, head thrown back. He started with one finger, curved up, keeping a steady pace. She whispered, asking for more, causing him to use two fingers to fuck her. Between his tongue and his fingers, she was unwinding quickly. He quickened his pace with both, causing her to moan his name. It wasn’t long before she had unwound completely, pulling his hair as she let out a string of curses. When she was finished, she pulled him up by his hair to her lips.

“Do you still want me to fuck you, baby?” She nodded in response, wrapping her legs around his hips. He teased her entrance, rubbing the head of his cock up and down her pussy lips. When she started whining, he pushed into her cunt slowly. They both breathed a sigh of relief after the build-up. Their foreheads rested together as he slowly fucked her. He moved his lips to her ear.

“You’re so beautiful when you cum for me, you know that?” He whispered, licking the shell of her ear, causing her to take a deep inhale. She grabbed the back of his neck pulling his lips back to her own.

“Freddie, I’m gonna need you to fuck me faster.” She said against his lips. He grinned into her kiss, fucking her faster. He reached down, using his thumb to rub her clit. She moaned, despite still being sensitive from the previous orgasm. The faster he rubbed her clit the faster she felt the build-up in her stomach. He was already well on his way to finishing, but at the rate he was going she would cum first. He latched onto her neck, gently sucking, pushing her over the edge quickly. “Freddie,” She moaned, throwing her head back, toes curling. He came soon after hearing her moan his name. He rested his head in the crook of her neck, both of their breathing starting to match again.

(smut ends)

“Well,” He spoke after a few minutes, leaving her body. “I can’t say this is what I expected out of detention.” He smirked, looking up at her. She smirked back, getting up to get dressed.

“I think detention just got a lot more fun, Darcy.” She referenced. He grinned.

“I like the way you think, Miss Bennett.”

--

About two weeks later, they arrived at the Yule ball together. When they showed up hand in hand, many were surprised, but George and Angelina smirked at each other.

“I told you if we just left them alone long enough they’d end up together,” George stated.

“Well, you were right,” McGonagall stated, approaching the two youngsters. “And now my classroom has a smell to it.” Causing Angelina and George to break down with laughter.

permanent taglist: @amourtentiaa

[chudleycanonficfest]

One Last Dance

Day 4, Story #1 is by @be11atrixthestrange

Title: One Last Dance Author/Artist: be11atrixthestrange Pairing: Jily  Prompt: Halloween Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): implied character death

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Harry was fussier than usual on Halloween night. Bath time was an ordeal, as Harry kept knocking the shampoo bottle out of Lily’s hand and splashing water at her. Afterward, the child almost refused to fall asleep; he wriggled in her arms and tugged on her hair as she swaddled him. Just because he couldn’t speak full sentences yet didn’t mean he couldn’t communicate; he did so with his eyes, and Lily swore there was a smirk on his face as she rocked and sang to him, until he finally drifted off.

Lily didn’t mind a fussy baby, in fact, she enjoyed the challenge. She cherished every extra moment with her child, and at exactly fifteen months, Harry’s newfound spunk was nothing but evidence of his emerging personality. He had her eyes, and she wondered if he’d get James’ messy hair, horrid eyesight, and infuriating charm. She grinned at the thought of a sassy and sarcastic Harry, star of the quidditch team, just like his dad. Or maybe he’d be more like Lily; sensitive and studious, top of his class, future Head Boy. 

Of course, there could be nothing remarkable about him at all. He could turn out to be average, maybe even terrible at sports, or join weird clubs and get below-average marks. Even then, if her son came home for the summer excited about a slew of ‘acceptables’, or stressed about Gobstones club drama, he’d still be the coolest person Lily knew. 

Whatever he turned out to be — head boy, quidditch captain, super-nerd, or even squib — Lily couldn’t wait to find out. It was funny how determined she had been to never admit her feelings for James Potter. Her feelings were always there, but that boy had to work hard for her affection. All Harry had to do was laugh, or sneeze, or wrap his tiny fingers around her pinky, and Lily was a goner.

With the stubborn child finally asleep, Lily shuffled downstairs to find that James had already cleaned up dinner in the kitchen and was pouring two generous glasses of wine, almost as if he read her mind. 

He beamed when he saw her — one of her favorite things about him was that he made no effort to hide his feelings, ever — and slid the glass across the countertop. 

“What’s the occasion?” she asked, raising the glass to her lips. It was bitter to the taste but relented into a friendlier, fruitier flavor once Lily committed to a sip. 

She never knew she could relate so much to a glass of wine. 

“Halloween,” said James. “I know you love it, and I’m sorry we couldn’t celebrate the muggle way.”

Halloween was always Lily’s favorite holiday growing up. There was something comforting about everyone’s sudden suspension of disbelief and willingness to face what scared them. She wished muggles would have embraced the paranormal every day, it surely would have made her life easier.

“It’s okay,” she said. “It has to be this way.” 

Lily wished they could hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, but the neighborhood muggles couldn’t see their home; not while it was under the Fidelius Charm. Staying hidden wasn’t what she had imagined when moving to a mixed-magical community, but for now, it was the safest option. The only option. 

James met her on the other side of the kitchen island, interrupting her thoughts with two fingers under her chin. “Definitely next year,” he said before tilting her head up for a kiss. 

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she smiled against his lips, wondering if Harry’s ability to make her heart explode was just as hereditary as his bright green eyes. There was something about those Potter boys that knocked her off her feet.

Maybe James was right, and next year, things would be different. They could get to know their non-magical neighbors, and Lily could take Harry trick-or-treating. He’d look so cute dressed up as a hippogriff, and no one would bat an eye when he’d insist it was a real animal. Kids say the darndest things, and on Halloween, anything was possible. 

“Next year, for sure.” Lily took another swig of her wine and relished in the evolution of its flavor, a delicious reminder that things change, sometimes so fast that she might blink and miss it. Things weren’t perfect by any means — they were in the middle of a war, after all — but there was no shortage of good in their lives. Not everyone could say they had a happy family, loyal friends, and really good wine. 

“Dance with me?” asked James, setting his wine down next to hers and tugging gently on her arm. 

It didn’t take much to lure her into the open space of the living room and settle into the crook of his neck. There was no music, but that didn’t matter; if there had been a beat, they would probably have ignored it anyway. 

“Do you remember the first time we ever danced?”

She nodded against his shoulder. Of course she remembered.

It was Halloween, sixth year, and James and Lily had been alone in the common room. 

“Happy Halloween, Lily,” said James as he approached her. “Today, you’re not a freak.”

Out of context, it might have sounded like senseless teasing, but it was so much more than that. She stared back at him, mouth agape, and wasn’t sure how to respond. It had been years — years — since they had talked about Halloween, and somehow he remembered a passing comment from her eleven-year-old self. 

“You remember that?” she asked, looking at him through narrowed eyes. 

It was her answer to an ice-breaker game during their first year — ‘what’s your favorite holiday and why?’ She hadn’t expected the confused stares at her response. In the muggle world, Halloween was the only day when she didn’t feel weird. Now, Halloween, and the fact that it meant something different to her than to everyone else, meant it was the only day when she did. 

However, she’d happily settle for one single day of being a freak; it was much better than three hundred and sixty-four.

“Of course I remember,” said James, smiling at her. His grin was electric, almost zapping through his messy black hair. Then, he reached out a questioning hand and raised his eyebrows. She stared back at him, wishing he would just use his words, yet she was impressed that with her, he didn’t need to. James always wore his thoughts on his face, in plain sight for the world to see, and never seemed to feel any shame or embarrassment for expressing them.

It touched a nerve for Lily, who had spent most of her life hiding. She longed for him to have to explain himself for once, to actually verbalize his thoughts instead of coasting by in his utopia where people just understood him. It wasn’t fair. “What are you asking, James?” 

“Dance with me?” he clarified. His voice was annoyingly calm and collected as if he knew she had been expecting him to elaborate, yet aware that he didn’t have to. He didn’t even flinch at her incredulous stare, confident in his request, as if asking her to dance was the most obvious progression to wishing her a happy Halloween. 

“Why?” She steadied her hands firmly by her sides, hoping James didn't see her fingers twitch toward his.

“To celebrate Halloween, of course.” His cheeks were rosy, his eyes sparkling, and his continued lack of reaction was curious. Despite her rejection, he committed to holding out his hand with confidence. 

“People don’t dance on Halloween.”

“I’m people, and I dance on Halloween,” laughed James.

She looked at his hand and considered it. Despite a few accidental brushes of her hand while taking notes or passing in the hallway, she had never actually touched him. And Lily had always been the curious type.

James followed her gaze to his hand and playfully wiggled his fingers. 

“Okay,” she said, placing her hand in his. His touch was gentle, firm, confident. It felt nice. “But there’s no music.”

“We don’t need any,” he said, pulling on her arm so that her body pressed up against his. It might have been too forward if she hadn’t fit so perfectly, but honestly, standing any further from him would have felt like sitting upright in a reclining chair. “If there was music, I’d probably ignore the beat, anyway.”

“You would?”  His soft voice immediately put her at ease in his arms, even though her palms were sweating and her heart was picking up its pace. “Why?”

“I’m too distracted,” he said. “Wasn’t expecting you to say yes.”

Lily laughed. “Then why’d you risk asking?”

“Anything is possible on Halloween, right?”

His arms tightened around her just then, not in a forceful way, just comfortable and supportive. She let herself get lost in the moment, swaying with James by the crackling fire, actually smelling, not imagining, his cologne, and feeling the prickle of his stubble against her forehead — when did that grow in? 

Maybe the next day, they’d go back to their usual dynamic, somewhere between flirting and arguing, annoyance and admiration. Or maybe, this would change things. There was something about the Potter boy and his messy black hair, unruly and uncaring, his glasses that should have made him look like a nerd but didn’t, and his annoying charisma that had an effect on her. It wasn’t a secret; they were both aware of it, yet neither felt the need to acknowledge it. At least not yet. They were so young, and they had so much time. 

“Was that when it all changed for you?” asked James, pulling her back to the present. “Is that when you finally gave in to my charm?”

Lily smiled at her husband. “Nothing changed that day. Nothing ever changed.”

James smiled, and Lily leaned into the sharpness of his stubble, a few lazy days unshaven. She melted against him and held him tight. Although his belly was softer, his voice was deeper, the circles under his eyes were darker, reflecting fifteen months of erratic sleep schedules, nothing about him had changed. 

The moment was broken by the sobering sound of a baby crying. Both Lily and James groaned as they pulled away from one another and swiftly turned their focus to their child. 

“I’ll put him back to bed,” said Lily.

“I can do it,” interrupted James. “You bathed him.”

Lily thought of the miniature James crying in his crib, and her heart clenched. It had only been minutes since she last snuggled him, and she already missed the child. “I really want to,” she said. 

James nodded, but his gaze was not on Lily. “Okay. I will meet you upstairs, then. I want to check the wards — I thought I saw some movement outside.”

Lily squinted at the window, her heart rate rising.

“It’s probably nothing,” said James.

Reaching for her half-full glass of wine, Lily nodded. “Alright, I’ll meet you upstairs. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

With one last glance at her husband, Lily made her way up the stairs toward Harry.

Harry, the child who always scrunched up his face when he slept, pursing his lips and crinkling his nose like he just ate a lemon. The boy with her eyes and James’ smile, who was already the best kid ever, even though his personality had yet to be determined. The kid who had a temper, but always calmed down the moment his mother wrapped her arms around him, the stubborn, determined one who could melt Lily’s heart with a single look. 

Her son, Harry, who she couldn’t wait to watch grow up, yet she hoped would never change.

[ghosthunterbuck]

would you love me for the hell of it?

buddie (2.4k) (read it on AO3)

As stupid as it seems now, Eddie always thought they’d have more time.

He should know better. If the bullet wounds that riddle his body weren’t evidence enough, the scarring that he knows twists across Buck’s leg should have been. It wasn’t, though. Despite everything they’d been through, Eddie always thought they’d have enough time.

Now, though, as he opens the door to find Buck already standing in front of it, he knows they’ve finally run out. Eddie draws him into a hug without a second thought. There’s no space left for pretenses.

“I didn’t even knock,” Buck says into his shoulder. Eddie can hear the unsteadiness in his voice and it breaks his heart all over again. None of it was supposed to happen like this.

“I was coming to find you,” Eddie says thickly. “You weren’t answering your phone.”

“I couldn’t stop checking the time, so I turned it off,” Buck admits. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie let’s go of Buck, but only long enough to grab his hand and pull him inside. “It’s okay,” Eddie says softly. “I get it.” And he does, god he does. He’d unplugged the microwave hours ago, just so he didn’t have to see its mocking green numbers staring back at him.

“Buck!” Christopher exclaims from the living room floor.

“Hey, buddy!” Buck says, crouching next to him. It amazes Eddie that, even now, Buck manages to exude the bright, beautiful energy he always has in front of Christopher. He kind of loves him for it.

It’s not the first time Eddie’s had the thought, but it might be the first time that he has no urge to run from it or to push it down until he can put Buck neatly back into the best friend slot he’d occupied in Eddie’s mind for so long. What’s the point in all that now? Whatever he’d been afraid of losing, there’s a countdown on all of it now.

Christopher’s explaining his drawing in detail to Buck, and it makes Eddie’s heart ache. Sure, Chris has been growing like a weed lately, but Eddie’d figured he had a year or two left of this at least.

Maybe time has always been the enemy, and he’s just the last one to work it out.

Thank god for Buck. As much as it hurts, knowing with certainty now just how good Buck is at pretending to be okay, Eddie can’t help but be grateful for Chris’s sake. He sits down on the couch next to them and puts his hand on Buck’s shoulder, just because he can. Buck looks up at him questioningly, and Eddie offers him a small smile. Buck nods and smiles back, but Eddie can read the sadness there.

“Can we watch a movie?” Chris asks eventually.

“Yeah, mijo, pick one out,” Eddie says, opening the Netflix app on the TV and handing Christopher the remote. “Me and Buck will make snacks.”

He stands, knowing Buck will follow.

In the kitchen, Eddie allows his facade to crack, just a little. He rests his head tiredly against Buck’s shoulder, smiling a little when Buck’s arms automatically encircle him.

“I thought you’d be with Maddie,” he says softly.

Eddie feels Buck shake his head and swallow. “I saw her, Chim, and Jee this morning. But I needed -- god, Eddie, you have to know.”

Eddie pulls back and looks Buck in the eye. He sees love reflected there, just like he always has. “I do,” he says softly. “Me too.”

Buck lets out a wounded noise and pulls Eddie back into the embrace.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Eddie whispers, eyes burning with unshed tears.

“No place I’d rather be for the end of the world,” Buck jokes weakly. His hands tremble against Eddie’s back.

None of it was supposed to happen like this. The comet was supposed to pass close enough to Earth to be a spectacular show for anyone in the Eastern hemisphere, then continue its way around the sun and back out into the Kuiper belt. Hell, Chris has been excited about it, Buck too. They’d been talking about it for months, Buck helping Christopher learn everything he could about where comets came from and what they were made of.

And then something happened. Eddie doesn’t really understand it, but he keeps hearing words like dark matter and quantum mechanical black hole and gravity wells. The gist of it, though, Eddie gets. Something changed the path of the comet, and instead of passing them by harmlessly, it’s now on a collision course. The entire world got less than two week’s warning.

The comet is something like eleven miles wide, he’d heard on the radio. Large enough for an extinction-level event, Buck had told him quietly.

He knows that there are people around the world frantically working to prevent that. He also knows that the odds are bleak. It all came down to time, all over again. There wasn’t enough. There never is.

“Am I doing the right thing?” Eddie asks Buck softly. “Not telling Christopher?”

The fierceness with which Buck answers surprises him, though perhaps it shouldn’t. “He doesn’t need to know. You’re doing the right thing, Eds, he shouldn’t have to face this. Either the world doesn’t end, and we scared him for no reason, or…” Buck trails off, but Eddie gets his meaning.

Eddie swallows and nods. “You’re right,” he says. “He doesn’t-“ he cuts himself off and shuts his eyes tight.

Buck squeezes him again. I’m here, the gesture says. Eddie squeezes back.

The movie Christopher picks is one they’ve seen before, and Eddie’s grateful. It’s easier to tune it out, to keep his eyes on Christopher and Buck instead.

When they’d returned with snacks, Christopher had immediately asked if he could sit with Buck. Buck had turned to him, expression stricken. The sentiment was obvious.

“Only if Buck sits with me,” Eddie’d replied. They’d ended up pressed together from their shoulders to their ankles with Chris sprawled out across both of them.

It’s the kind of domesticity Eddie’s caught himself daydreaming about more than once.

When the movie ends, Chris asks to stay up and wait for the comet. Of course he’d remembered it’s tonight. Eddie doesn’t know why he expected otherwise.

“No, buddy, we’ll watch the video tomorrow,” Eddie says. The lie tastes like ash on his tongue.

Chris begins to pout, but Buck steps in.

“Trust me,” he says. “If we wait until tomorrow, we’ll get to watch the best video, instead of some shakey news camera. You wouldn’t want to spoil that, would you?” Buck asks, pasting on his most infectious grin. Knowing it’s fake makes Eddie’s chest ache.

“Tell you what, though,” Eddie says, “how about we all have a sleepover in my room tonight?”

Christopher cheers at that.

Eddie smiles. It’s small and it’s watery, but it’s real. Buck presses his shoulder further into Eddie’s, a comforting pressure.

“Go get ready for bed and pick out a book, okay?”

Christopher grins and slides off the couch. The tears that have been threatening at the corners of Eddie’s eyes all night long return with a vengeance, and as soon as Christopher disappears around the corner, they finally fall.

His shoulders shake silently, and Buck pulls him to his chest. Buck’s warm fingers card through his hair, and he could swear he feels the ghost of a kiss pressed against the top of his head. Under any other circumstance, the thought would be electrifying. Now, though, it just makes the ache inside him grow.

In another lifetime, they could have had this. Decades, maybe, of unrestrained affection. Love. God, what had they been waiting for?

He feels the unsteadiness of Buck’s breath and knows without looking that he’s crying too. Mourning the same thing, Eddie suspects.

He hears Christopher making his way back towards them, and reluctantly pulls out of Buck’s embrace. He does his best to wipe the tears away and school his expression, but if the way Christopher frowns at him is any indication, he isn’t successful.

“What’s wrong?” Chris asks, looking between them.

Eddie pulls him close and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Everything’s okay,” he says softly.

“Your Dad and I were just talking about something sad,” Buck says, “but you don’t need to worry about it, okay?”

“What was it?” Chris asks.

Buck looks panicked and desperately sad, all at once.

“There were some people we couldn’t save,” Eddie says. This, at least, feels something like the truth. “And that made us feel sad, buddy.”

“It’ll be okay,” Christopher says seriously, looking at both of them in turn.

“You’re right,” Buck says, sounding a little choked up. “As long as we’re all together, it will be.”

They settle in Eddie’s bed and read a chapter from Chris’s book, the fifth in the Percy Jackson series. They’re barely halfway through it, but part of Eddie wants to push through the rest. He wants to know how it ends. Wants Christopher to know. Christopher should get to —

Eddie screws his eyes shut. Christopher should get to graduate, to fall in love, and to have kids of his own. He should get to grow old and gray and he should get to finish his damn book.

It’s not fair. None of this is fair.

All of the things Chris has been through - losing his mom, the tsunami, nearly losing Eddie - what’s the point of it all if he doesn’t get to grow from it, to heal past it?

Eddie wants to scream and cry and punch something. Instead, he keeps reading, steadily as he can, until Christopher is fast asleep between him and Buck.

After a few minutes of silence, both of them watching the steady rise and fall of Christopher’s chest, Buck taps Eddie’s wrist and nods towards the hall. He slips out of bed, and Eddie follows, careful not to jar Chris.

He finds Buck leaning against the wall, head tipped back, eyes closed. Eddie stands next to him, mindless of personal space. It had always been an afterthought between them, anyway.

“I’m in love with you,” Buck says casually, after several moments of silence. He opens his eyes and tips his head forward, gaze landing on Eddie. “I can’t even remember why I was so afraid to say it.”

“Me too,” Eddie says. He laces his fingers with Buck’s. “I’m in love with you too. I have been, I don’t even know how long.”

Buck chuckles softly, sadly. “We have the worst timing,” he says, turning his entire body towards Eddie.

Eddie turns to meet him, and Buck’s hand comes up to graze Eddie’s jaw.

“Can I kiss you?” Eddie asks, surprising himself. It shouldn’t feel like such a leap, but it does. It’d be terrifying, but Eddie’s always trusted Buck to catch him when he falls.

Instead of answering, Buck leans in and brushes his lips against Eddie’s, soft and gentle and everything and altogether not enough. Eddie chases him as he pulls back, capturing him in a deeper kiss. It’s hard and desperate, yet somehow achingly tender as if their bodies know that their first kisses will almost certainly be their last.

Buck lets out a half-choked sob and buries his fingers in Eddie’s hair. He doesn’t let go, even as they break the kiss, just leans their foreheads together. Somewhere along the line, Eddie’s fingers have fisted in Buck’s shirt. He doesn’t let go either.

“Eddie,” Buck says, raw and grief-stricken.

“Evan,” Eddie whispers. It’s only the second time he’s used Buck’s given name. If the way Buck’s breath hitches is any indication, he notices too.

Buck kisses him again then, filthy at first, then slowing into something sweet. In another lifetime, Eddie could spend hours like this, trading kisses with Buck. In this lifetime though…

Eddie cups Buck’s jaw and pulls back. “I love you,” he says because if this is his only chance, he’s not going to let Buck doubt it for a minute.

“I love you, too.”

Eddie takes Buck by the wrist and pulls him back into the bedroom, turning off lights as they go. They break apart just long enough to settle on either side of Chris, facing one another. Buck throws an arm across both of them, and Eddie brushes an errant lock of hair from Buck’s forehead.

The minutes tick by slowly as they lay in the dark, until Eddie finally speaks.

“If there’s something after all this…” Eddie whispers, “Promise you’ll find me?”

Buck lifts his arm and holds out his pinky finger. Eddie wraps his own around it.

“I promise,” Buck says.

It means something. It has too.

Eddie doubts he’ll sleep, but somehow, in between listening to Christopher’s breathing and watching Buck watch him, he slips into a dark, dreamless slumber.

The sunlight that wakes Buck is warm on his face, just like the sheets that pool around his waist. He wants to luxuriate in it, to let the sweetness of sleep pull him back under, but this time of year, if the sun’s already out, he’s late for work.

Buck’s eyes fly open. The sun’s out. He’s in Eddie’s bed. He’s late for work. Holy shit. He doesn’t even try to contain the grin that spreads across his face. He rolls over and shakes Eddie’s shoulder.

“Eddie, Eddie, wake up,” he whispers excitedly.

Eddie lifts his head, looking rumpled and adorable. He grumbles something completely unintelligible, and the smile on Buck’s face gets even wider.

“We’re late for work,” Buck says, practically bouncing.

“Shit,” Eddie says, scrubbing a hand across his face.

“Eds, you don’t understand. We’re late for work.”

The sleep clears from Eddie’s face almost as quickly as it had from Buck’s. “Oh my god,” he says, taking in the decidedly intact world around them. “It missed. Buck, it missed!”

Eddie surges forward, mindful of the still-sleeping Christopher between them, and kisses him square on the lips. They’re both smiling too hard for it to go anywhere, but it’s still the best kiss of Buck’s life.

Eventually, they’ll get up. They’ll distract Christopher with pancakes and turn on the news to learn that the global joint effort to divert the comet (“They nuked a comet, Eddie! That’s insane!”) was a success. They’ll find Christopher the video they promised, in a press release from NASA. They’ll let him see the comet’s bright blazing path across the sky, but they won’t tell him just how close it came. They’ll text Bobby to let him know they’re running late. They’ll receive a reply to let them know that, just this once, it’s okay. They’ll do all of these things in time, but for now, they bask in the simple joy of being alive and together.

Another lifetime, Eddie had thought the night before. No, he’s going to make this one count.

[namjoonswifey99]

What The Heart Wants Pt.6

Billy Hargrove X Reader

Warnings : Cursing , Bullying , Harassment , Billy being Billy 

Author Note: Hope You Enjoy This Chapter and I apologize this was supposed to be out but ive going though a rough patch with my family so i hope you understand.

Billy walked over to Y/N and Max; he couldn't help but overhear Susan talking to the police.

“ Sir please i just want my little girl I don't do anything else but her.” Susan says trying to calm her breathing from crying so much

“ Ma'am, your daughter stated she wants to go with her step brother and his girlfriend. We are gonna have to take you downtown for questioning. This isn't the first time Mrs.Hargrove.”  Officer Powell asked why detaining her.

Susan started to protest but saw that was Max was looking at her and stopped and held her head down and started walking with the officer.

“ I'm so sorry you guys had to see that, that wasn't what I was going for, I just wanted to get our stuff so we can move in.” Billy says looking sad he never wanted Max or Y/N to see that side again. Billy then looks towards Will who was just wide eyed.

“ Hey Will right i'm sorry you had to see that I truly didn't mean for you to see that.” Billy says with an apologetic look. Will looks up at Billy, surprised by the story Jonathan and Max told him.  He doesn't seem so bad hopefully they can be friends

“

“ It's okay Billy i understand”. Will says, accepting his apology. 

Y/N then runs up and pulls Billy into a hug and just embraces him Y/N was so proud of Billy he finally stood up against his father. “ im super proud of you baby” Y/N says kissing Billy’s cheek 

Hopper looked at the two teenagers and smiled. It was rare for guys like Billy. He's honestly happy that he has this chance to make his life right with the right people by his side. 

“ Come one let’s get some more stuff out the house and go to Y/N place” Billy says while getting his key from Y/N . “ Yessss so i can more stuff then i intended” Max says while shouting in excitement to bring more of her things. “ Well as long as it fits in the car we'll just get a truck to move it”. Billy says while correcting Max he doesn't want his car to be too crowded. “ You guys don’t need a bed or dressers. My parents got you guys covered with bedding just more clothes and stuff you can fit”. Y/N says while fixing the trunk to make room.

----- 1 Hour Later----

After an hour later they arrived at Y/N house. Her and Billy explained what happened at his fathers house . Y/N and Billy starts to explain what had happened down at his fathers house and how he was gonna move forward to have sole custody of Max and to be filed down as independent. 

“ That’s a very good plan Billy and you know you and Max can still for however long you like it’s no problem to us you were already family from the beginning” Y/N mother Angelina says while putting the cookies in the oven. 

“ I agree with my wife you can stay however long you like” Y/N father Tremaine says while putting the sodas in the freezer. 

“ we definitely appreciate the love and roof you're giving me and max I won’t let you down” Billy says while looking at them. 

“ You don’t have to prove anything baby, we love you just the way you are flaws and all “ Y/ N says as she looks at Billy with full love in the eyes.

“ BABY” Both of Y/N parents shouted at the same time. 

“ Ummmmm yea as of today me and Billy are together “Y/N says while looking down shyly. To shy look at her parents reaction. 

“ Ha I knew it Tre you owe me 40$ bucks” Angelina says happily she knew they was gonna get together 

“ Man you guys couldn’t wait till next week I could’ve had extra money” Tre says pulling out the 40 dollars to hand to his wife. 

“ You are not mad about us” Billy says confused because growing with a dad like his a relationship between him and Y/N would be frowned upon. 

“ never we don’t care as long as you live and respect our daughter that’s all that matters” Tremaine says to Billy while tenderly holding Angelina to him. 

Y/N was about to say something when the doorbell rang, she gets up to ask who it was when a familiar voice called out. 

“ Y/ N your favorite person in the whole wide world is here “ 

“ No I’m Y/N favorite you can ask her herself” 

“ No Y/N loves me more she makes me more food than any of you” 

“ Well Y/N be at my house almost every other day with my sister so I get to see her more than any of you” 

Y/N knew right there it was the rest of her miniature best friends. 

“ Well all you are wrong Y/N loves me more and I’m living with her” Max says with a smug look on her face as Y/N opens the door. 

On her porch stands Lucas , Dustin , Eleven, and Mike with Steve standing behind them. 

After Max’s statement chaos was issued.

“ What no way, no fair” Dustin whines in disbelief. 

“ Yea what Dustin said , How come max stays” Lucas says while looking offended. 

“ Well it’s easier for you doofus . She like me more” Max says sticking her tongue out at the boys. 

“ That means we can have all the sleepovers and waffles we want” Eleven says with a bright smile on her face. 

“ Okay now listen I love you all the same your all my favorites I can’t just choose one”. Y/N says trying to mediate the situation. 

“ What about me guys? I can be as cool as Y/N” Steve said with a cocky grin. 

The group just all stared at him. 

“ No offense Steve buddy but Y/N waaaaaaayyy more cooler than you by a landslide”. Mike says. 

Before Steve can retort, Billy comes to the door to see what’s taking so long and notices Steve and gives him an annoyed look. There’s one thing Billy is a lot of but he doesn’t put his hand on women. He may be an asshole and a bully but he’s no woman beater. 

Y/N felt the tension before Steve face gave it away.  Before a fight can escalate she steps in. 

“ Okay so I got 4 movies picked out then we can go to the bonus room and play some board games and before you even ask Dustin and Lucas yes I did make you guys favorite dessert”. Y/N says while ushering the kids inside the house. 

Before Steve can ask why Billy was there Y/N comes back out. 

“ Thanks for dropping the kids off for Hopper I’ll call him when it’s time to come get them, '' Y/N says with a kind smile. 

“ Uhh yeah no problem anytime” Steve says, stuttering, he wanted to apologize for his actions earlier but with Billy right there he’ll never get the chance. 

Y/N turns to leave when she notices Billy still staring down at Steve so she grabs him by the back of his shirt and pulls him in the house. 

The kids were all in the living room trying to decide which movie they’re gonna watch. 

“ Baby look at me” Y/N says, grabbing Billy’s face so he’s looking directly at her. 

“ baby you’ve changed for the better don’t let what today put you down you know I’m right here by your side every step of the way” Y/N says while looking him in the eye so he can see she really meant what she’s saying. 

“ I know baby it’s just I want them to know I’ve changed. I got my second chance at life and to do what is right and I couldn’t have done it with you my sweet angel by my side” Billy says lovingly to Y/N. 

The chemistry between Y/N and Billy is unmatched for the simple fact when it was him against the world Y/N was by his side and he will never take that for granted him and Y/N connection is way deeper than anybody can imagine. 

Y/N just continued to look at him with so much adoration in her eyes. 

“ Okay love birds we chose the movie we’re waiting on you guys now”. Max says with an eye roll. 

Y/N and Billy walked into the living room but not before Y/N leaned down and whispered in Max’s ear. 

“ don’t worry max I have a grand plan for Lucas”. Y/N says walking away with a small grin on her face. Leaving a blushing max in her wake. 

— 2 Hours Later —-

After the movie ended Y/N looked over at the clock and noticed it was 7:40. It looks like they only have time for one game before she has to call Hopper. 

“ So I have guys listen up, it's a little late so we have time for one more movie or game whatever you guys decide”. Y/N says while pulling out the games from the chest. 

After about 5 minutes they decided on watching another movie before they left. 

“ So Max I heard there’s this boy whose been crushing on you for a while” Y/N says teasingly. Y/N signaled for Max to play along if one thing Y/N knows about men is that they’re extremely possessive no matter what age. 

“ Yea and I like him back hopefully he asks me to the dance” Max says with a blush on her face. 

Y/N notices from the corner of her eye that Lucas is not taking what they said well which means her plan is going accordingly. 

“ if you need my help with getting him to ask you I’ll definitely do it” Y/N says eagerly. 

Before Max can let out her response Lucas stands up and takes her and says. 

“ Would you do me the honor of my date for the winter formal?” Lucas says while looking so nervous. 

 Max pretends to think about it which makes him start sweating. More than he already was. 

“ Yes doofus of course I’ll go with you” Max says with a smile. 

Y/N was happy for Max she got what she wanted but Billy on the other hand was not so ecstatic. Y/N looked over and saw Billy with a scowl on his face. 

“ what’s wrong”.Y/N asked. 

“ Don’t you think it’s to soon for them” Billy says with a pout on his face. 

“ Awwww his the big brother feeling protective” Y/N responds teasingly. 

Billy kisses his teeth at her statement. 

“ No” was Billys only response. 

“ awww baby it’s okay it just a school dance they’ll be fine” Y/N says while kissing his cheek. 

“……. Fine but I don’t like it”. Billy says to Y/N. 

Y/N laughs wholeheartedly. He was just so precious and cute when he’s worried. 

The kids looked over at them when they heard Y/N they looked at her like she was crazy but left it alone.She was alway like that with Billy.

“ Okay kids get your stuff ready I’m going to call Hopper”. Y/N says while getting up and grabbing the house phone. 

After a while Hopper picks up. 

“ Hey Hopper the kids are ready” 

“ Umm about that I’m stuck at work and I already called their parents to see if it was okay for them to stay” 

“ What did they say”

“ Well they wasn’t to keen on Billy living there but since they trust you they allowed them to stay” 

“Okay that’s great I do have extra clothes for them especially when they stayed here during the you-know-what.” 

“ That’s great do you also think you can drop them off at school or call somebody to help” 

“ No it’s okay I’ll ask my mom in the Morning to take the kids she’ll be happy to” 

“ Okay that’s great Y/N I’ll pick up Eleven after school so will the parents except Dustin he’s going with Steve” 

“ Geats I’ll let the kids and my parents know have a good night Hopper” 

“ You Y/N Bye”

“Bye” 

 Y/N hangs up and goes back to the living room to tell the kids. 

“ Okay guys put your stuff away your spending the night here and Billy and my mom will drop you off in the morning” Y/N says while getting the extra blankets and pillows out. 

“ Yesssss Y/ N you're officially the best ever”  Max says with excitement that her friends get to stay.  

“ Well I try my best but you should really thank Hopper. He's staying overtime at work,  so Max and Eleven are rooming in Max’s room , Boys you’ll be bunking with Billy”.  Y/N  says while taking them upstairs. 

“ Actually you guys can get my room. I'll bunk with Y/N just don’t touch any of my things”. Billy says while staring them down. 

“ Billy now my parents love you and all but they will literally kill us if they find us in bed together”. Y/N says wagging her finger in a no motion. 

“ We can leave the door open, I just want to spend time with you and cuddle” Billy says while wrapping his arms around her waist to bring her closer to him.

“ It stays wide open Billy im not playing with you” Y/N says while mugging him because she was not gonna die over this man even though she do love him her parents were a different story.

“ I understand baby i promise” Billy says while sealing their lips together in a nice passion lip lock.