#in her case there's also a bit of pickpocket magic mixed in because. you know. thief.

[adastra121]

Leander: ...So. Leander: When you said you're "magic in bed," this isn't exactly what I was exp— Alon: *holds up Jack of Hearts with a wink* Is this your card? Leander: *softly* Holy shit...

[cadcnce-archived]

          BIG ASS CHARACTER SHEET FOR                    FANTASY VERSE WYLAN

I found an image while going through my files for cursed pics to send @spiritmaiden​, they had the audacity to take it and fill it out for the fantasy verse of their sky-zel, so I of course have to match the effort for Wylan because I’m not about to be shown up. It’s hella involved, nobody’s getting tagged but damn if you want an exercise in hitting your character then give it a shot. Most is under the cut because of length.

Character’s Name: Zachary Reis (Born) Wylan Rechtur (Used) Character’s nicknames: Ze (by his sister) Wy (by his friends and preferred) Zephyr (mercenary name, also what you’d see on any wanted posters) Gender: Male Righty or Lefty: Righty Age: 25-26  Height: 6′-0″  Weight: ~180 lbs Eye Color: Emerald green, bright and wide filled with a mix of confidence and playfulness. Hair color: Dark brown, messy and falling to his ears. Unkempt may be a good descriptor, but he generally keeps it down flatter at the least.  Distinguishing marks: His body is pocked with marks and scars from fights and other disagreements, but the ones most easily discerned are knife scars on his hands, and a short arc above his left brow. Describe physical traits in one passage: A good way to view him is concealed strength and agility. He’s toned and in good shape but doesn’t often dress or carry himself in ways that would flaunt this. His posture and pose are loose, and his expressions can be lazy and playful. So the moment he flips that switch and uses the full brunt of his power? It’s a surprise. He’s also a bit on the lanky side, his body size doesn’t fully compliment the size of his limbs. 

FAMILY/ RELIGION

Parents: Mother and father were disappeared/dead when he was just a bit over 6 years old and his sister was an infant. They were involved with the church but not royalty themselves. Wylan never spent much time figuring out what. They had a life left for him and his sister that he threw away as well. His father was a gentle soul while his mother was razor sharp and firm. Siblings: Younger sister, Katelynn Reis, but goes by Lyn with her friends. Wylan calls her Kat. She’s ~5 years younger than he, and remains with the church training and working as a healer. Whereas Wylan ran away from being a Paladin, she stayed strong to become a Cleric.  Significant Other: Verse dependent, Wylan typically is averse to romance and prefers casual encounters.  Children: None, nor is he open to them initially in his canon.  Other relatives: None remain living that he is aware of. He and his sister were raised by his grandmother on his father’s side, but she passed away shortly after he left the knight’s academy, when Wylan was roughly 16-17.  Pets: None. But he does enjoy talking to cats. Friends: Wylan is the type who ‘knows a guy’, he’s close with many tavernkeeps and makes nice with the adventurer’s guilds and their members as well. His work as an informant necessitates things like this. Wylan is also the type to consider most anyone he encounters and converses with a friend, whether they like it or not. His best friend though would easily be a wandering adherent by the name of Emke. I don’t care what the thread is about in some way she’s involved in his life. They’re platonic soulmates. Enemies: As a mercenary and hunter, some others in his craft would consider Wylan to be their rival, and in many cases he would view them just the same. It’s hard to say he has any enemies outside of pointedly evil factions however! Relationships (other): His relationship with his sister is an odd one. They’re still in touch via letters and the occasional visit, and he does what he can to support her with his money, but they’re not close like conventional siblings. There’s a strange codependence between them. Wylan depends on Lyn as a ‘rock’, and she depends on him as the ‘sea’. Ethnicity: Human! His origins are mostly a mix of Germanic/Portuguese if you wanted a comparison to Earth races/ethnicities. Religion: He recognizes the existence of higher powers but his relationship with them isn’t the best. As if being rebellious to his parents wasn’t bad enough he has to be tsundere towards The Light. This is noted when he uses holy magic such as wards and smiting spells and getting rebound into his own body upon use. Superstitions: He’s incredibly wary around the undead and spirits. So catch him spreading salt when he has to camp somewhere less than lively. Also give him a moment to sharpen his silver weaponry...  Diction, Accent, ETC.: His dialect is pretty clean, though this depends on who he’s speaking to, being the travelling sort he is he’s capable of lightly ‘faking’ various accents, or just being lazy with his own manner of speech. Traces back to proper speaking that was drilled into him as a child and then his own rebelliousness. SCHOOL/ WORK / HOME Education (Highest): He was well learned with the academy work that he actually accomplished. While he never finished and never put his all into his studies, it was clear to his teachers that he had a gift for learning but a problem with conviction.  Degrees: None! But just so I still have something here, one of his informal titles is ‘The Gale’s Fang’. Vocation/Occupation: Jack of several trades, wrapped up best as a mercenary informant, and a monster hunter. He’s good at tracking both people and monsters and taking them down- lethally or not so much. Employment History: Wylan was fully involved with the knight’s academy from the age of 6 to 16, so for those 10 years he had his hands full dealing with that and trying to figure out himself (poorly). Upon leaving the academy after the accident, he took up arms and was given tutelage by the thieves’ guild which taught him how to use his senses and move quietly through the shadows. Wylan didn’t make a good pickpocket, but he was good at reading other people and exceptional at duels. It wasn’t long before he took the advice of the guildmaster and made better uses of his talents. Not necessarily for good, but for more profit. By the age of 22 he was an accomplished and well connected informant, bartering information as well as putting his swordwork to use headhunting and slaying monsters that made issue outside the cities in which he frequented. This continues to current/canon start of interactions. Salary: He’s affluent enough not to worry too much about his state of living, but he can be prone to splurge spending that puts him in a bind for a few weeks at a time, at least until the next job puts money back on the table. Status and money: Continuing off the above, he’s decent enough with his funds (after sending money back to help out his sister) but wouldn’t be well off enough to be considered rich compared to his modern verse. Fortunately he has enough renown that jobs aren’t too hard to come by for him. And many barkeeps and friends are willing to open a tab for him. So he’s not too desperate.  Own or Rent: Wylan typically rents inn rooms when he stays in the cities, and camps when he’s out in the woods. Technically he also owns if you count helping his sister keep her own place running (thought it’s really about 30-70, with his sister funding most of it)  Living Space: Wylan never stays long at the room. It’s a place to go back to and sleep. Personal belongings? Very few. Most things he owns that he wouldn’t want to lose stay back with his sister kept in a basement or separate room that he uses on the rare times he’s back in the capital/holy city from which he originally hailed. As you can imagine, this isn’t very often.  Work Space: N/A! He doesn’t have one! Given his work is almost entirely in the field. Main Mode of Transportation: CATCH A RIIIIIDE. Though he’s apt to have a horse around for transport if he isn’t going too far. Long voyages for when he changes locales would probably be hitching a ride with a caravan. He also doesn’t mind voyages on foot too much. PSYCHOLOGY Fears: Externally he has an aversion to ghosts and spirits. The concept of the dead coming back to haunt you isn’t something he much cares for. Having access to light magic should mostly assuage this, and yet it can give him goosebumps anyhow. Ironically he has a fear of large mammals in his modern verse but that shit doesn’t apply here given he’s a monster hunter! Internally he fears being forgotten, not making a name for himself, and dying before he can truly feel alive.  Secrets: His birth name, Zachary Reis, isn’t something he will bring up with anyone. It’s not necessarily a ‘dead name’ for him, but it’s one he threw away the same time he decided he was going to toss away his ‘fate’ as a paladin. Taking the name of Wylan was another way he took his life for himself in his mind. Despite this being a path of self destruction. His sister is also something he doesn’t often bring up unless he very much trusts that person.  IQ: Surprisingly high. He picks up a lot of information doing the work he does, but you wouldn’t be blamed for not believing this. Eating Habits: They could be a lot better. He eats enough to get by, but his diet isn’t as varied as it could be. Wylan hunts small game when he can, but he isn’t an exciting cook so ALAS. This boy prefers hitting up taverns and getting basic meals like stews, jerky, sandwiches, etc etc. Sleeping Habits: Wylan is a very light sleeper. Typically if you so much as step into the room he’s sleeping in he’ll snap into awareness. It takes a loooong day of exertion to keep him sleeping deep otherwise. Frustrating is how he ‘fakes’ being asleep. So someone could come in and start rummaging and he would still breathe and move as if he were still sleeping. Up until he sits up and stares or cracks a joke. Dare you to kiss him when you think he’s asleep.   Book Preferences: History tomes every now and then. Wylan doesn’t read much fiction and prefers any time he spends reading to be somewhat productive! Make up for other education he missed as part a result of running on the academy. He also reads up on magic and sorcery to work on the wind affinity he also has.  Music Preferences: Wylan doesn’t play any instruments but he DOES love love love to dance and sing. He’s an entertainer at heart and loves to rally people however he may. Suffice to say he’s amusing to go drinking with. And not just because he starts bar fights to amuse himself. Groups or Alone: He’s primarily a lone fighter. Some hunts he will of course work with a team of other hunters, he’s not stupid enough to take on the larger beasts by himself, but there’s a preference for doing things on his own terms. He’s self aware enough to know that his ways and methods can be grating, but ah... how all of that clashes with his desire to show off and have an audience. Being Wylan is suffering. Leader or Follower: He’s both, but prefers to be a follower if he can help it. Let other people make the plans then nudge them this way and that to better fit your own methods. He’s a prankster and a good compliment to most parties after all, so you’d be wise to utilize him! Lest he utilize himself... but that said, he’s an anti-hero, so there’s possibility in there for him to be a leader as well and take charge. It just isn’t his default nature and he’d rather not. Planned Out or Spontaneous: Wylan is chaos incarnate. Most everything he does outside of necessity/work is spontaneous. All his mischief and plans are cobbled together and thrown out there. Sometimes he’ll do a bunch of things at once, like throwing a bundle of darts at the wall to see which ones stick. And oh my fucking god don’t get me started on being romantic he can’t plan for shit in that department. Journal Entries (Do they keep one?) Nope. Not a daily journal at least. He’ll keep notebooks and the like for jotting down intel and what have you for jobs he takes up. But most of the time he’ll just have little notes in his pocket, and not really chronicle his life. He may also make ‘fake’ entries to tease people or trick them. See what he did to Zelda the one time. Be careful what you believe... Hobbies, Recreation: Tricks!! Sleight of hand!! Cards and dice!! Part of growing up and learning with a thieves’ guild is getting involved in lots of things that make use of your hands and dexterity. He likes playing random games with folks and oh! People watching. Stalking. Not the cutest thing but Wylan makes a hobby out of ‘testing himself’ and exercising his talents. His hobby is unfortunately annoying people, to summarize. How Do They Relax: His hobbies help him to relax! Also, if you can believe it, sitting back in a group conversation and watching the conversation happen and move forward. Learning about other people is something he likes doing, which is hypocritical since he can make himself so difficult to learn by contrast. BUT THE REAL THING HE DOES.. is practice sword fighting. Slow rhythmic swings of his blade, almost like a dance. He focuses his thoughts and calms his soul when he practices. It’s like a mix of swordfighting, dancing, and yoga. Controlling himself. Feeling himself. It’s multiple things.    What Excites Them?: PEOPLE. Things! Happenings! The unknown and pushing himself to new limits. Honestly one of Wy’s biggest drives is doing something or becoming something that will make him ‘Feel Alive’. Because for all of his antics and frivolity he’s very much fighting an encroaching darkness in his soul. So he’ll search out bizarre things to get involved in. It’s one of the reasons he’s bugging Zelda, because her involvement in witchcraft and his own suspicions have him interested huehue. Pet Peeves: Being ignored. Like perfectly disregarding his existence and whatever he’s getting up to. If you’re not reacting to him being him then that means he’s not being effective and he’s losing. It’s his only real weakness...  Prejudices: None. He’s not the most respectful person so most everyone, royalty or important or otherwise gets subjected to similar treatment. If anything, the more important you are the more likely you are to get annoyed! Attitudes: He’s usually with a front, a mask if you will. His general attitude is curious and nosy, but that’s fronted with a playfulness and proclivity for being annoying. Don’t be fooled, he’s usually something more pensive and calculating underneath that exterior. Wylan actually quiets a fair bit once that mask is taken away, his mood swings down and his tone is a touch deeper. Stressors: Things going awry and his friends being put in danger. He absolutely does not do well with people he cares about being hurt. One of the worst things that can happen to him is his sister dying for example, and has lead to one of his most self destructive plots I’ve written, in this verse especially. Lovers? Don’t hurt them. Don’t endanger them. The idea of rivals or enemies going after people he cares about.. hoo. MAN. None of that please. He can be SO damn possessive. In relationships he’s very self conscious as well of fulfilling their needs. So if his partner remarks, regardless of how offhandedly, they’d like more of something he will TRY TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.  Obsessions: Being an absolute pain in the ass. And in cases where someone has wronged him or someone close to him? Tracking them down and getting closure/revenge. That shit takes him to the brink of killing himself. Addictions: None to the point of being problematic, but he does love eating pickles.  Ambitions: To make a name for himself, to be renowned and respected. To feel alive and accomplished as a person. He’d also like to take down a dragon someday. Get some armor from its scales and a sword out of that shit. As Seen by Others: Capable and dangerous, but impossible to work with for long periods. Keep a tight lip around him lest he use that information against you and learn things you’d rather keep secret. A lecherous womanizer. As Seen by Self: A body of broken glass, encased in a shell, covered in masks. Who are you? What are you? Where are you even going? You’re lost. You’re aimless. You’re swimming and swimming and eventually you’re going to be tired, aren’t you? ASTROLOGY/PHISIOLOGY Birth Date: October 10. Time of Birth: Evening. Western Astrological Sign: Libra Traits Associated with Western Sign: Social, Clever, Unreliable, Diplomatic Traits Associated with Chinese Zodiac: N/A, seeing as I don’t age Wylan with the years this doesn’t really apply. Handwriting: Clean when he needs it to be, but otherwise a quick script with lots of pen strikes. He’s capable with drawing diagrams and the like as well! This boy can throw out monster diagrams with weak points and other ecological notes oh yes yes. Sexual History: Wylan was already exploring that sort of thing before he left the academy, so yes... as early as 16 he’d already lost the v-card. He doesn’t really do relationships and enjoys casual encounters. Many a maiden at the bar or elsewhere has taken him for a spin. Typically partners aren’t reoccurring in fantasy verse, however. He’s... well, very good in the performance category.   General Health: A+ healthy aside from the sleep and subpar diet bits. Strong and good stamina. Medical History: He’s nearly died one times too many. Been stabbed, cut, poisoned, bitten, but hey he’s still alive! And that’s what he’d argue matters with this business. Allergies: SHELLFISH. Chronic Illnesses: None to speak of. Handicaps: He’s somewhat of a type B tsundere. It’s awful.  OBJECTS Purse / Bag: He’s got a coin purse that he’ll carry spare gold around in for spending on what have you. Supposedly food but he’s weak to splurge purchases. Most everything else he keeps on him in his pockets and his belt. Wallet: Uhhh see above, coin purse!!! He’s got enough for the week or so!! Don’t try and pickpocket him because he will catch you and you will feel stupid. Fridge: He doesn’t keep food around. He more or less has to scavenge for everything he eats either through buying or hunting. That’s kind of the life for the vagrant he is, isn’t it? Medicine Cabinet: N/A, but he does keep bandages and salves at his room.  Glove Compartment: N/A!! Junk Drawer: NNNNNN/AAAAAAA Kitchen Cabinets: Wylan get a house so I can fill this out challenge. Bedroom Hiding Place: Behind a wall panel or somesuch if he can manage. Otherwise in the floor or outside the window. Closets: His wardrobe typically includes tunics, coats, leather armor and harnesses for his weaponry! He’s got a couple swords in fantasy verse, and he’s got throwing knives and a grappling hook!!  Backback: Yeah uh see above, what a question. Locker: None Desk: WYLAN KEEP ITEMS AROUND CHALLEEEEENGE.  Clothes pocket: Daggers, notes, maybe a writing implement and paper so he can jot things down. He’s also got little knick knacks like a gem or a monster tooth to show off. Isn’t it cool??? Also lint.

OTHER Halloween Costumes: Werewolf!!! Get him in either just a lazy one with gloves and ears or deck him out in the whole garb. Love that idea on him. In one verse Big Bad Wolf is his nickname, and in another he flat out IS a werewolf! So yeAH. Tricks: He’s very skilled at sleight of hand!! Card flourishes and dice rolls. Cup games. Illusions and dexterity... he’s a slippery one! He’s also likely to catch you in words, using things you say against you. He gets really meta and oh how annoying that can get... Talents: SWORDPLAY- He learned from a very early age at an esteemed academy where only the best knights get trained. He mixes that style with a more ‘street’ type that he picked up with the thieves’ guild and even further as a monster hunter and mercenary. Suffice to say that all mixes together into multiple stances he can switch between depending on what he’s up against. Strong sweeping strikes, vicious stabbing and leaping, poised dueling and parrying... he’s a TOUGH fight. MAGIC: Wylan is at odds with his use of holy magic that utilizes the light to bless and heal. Until he comes to terms with himself and the power he wants to channel it’ll have ‘blowbacks’ on himself. Fingers will burn, head will ache, and his stomach will flip. But it’s still undeniably effective for where it is! Aside from that he knows some wind magic to supplement himself. He’s not known as ‘Zephyr’ for nothing after all! Gusting steps, slashing winds, REALLY BIG JUMPS!!! If you throw him he’s a fantastic projectile! And lets see- DANCING! He learned it first as part of his etiquette as a knight, but it’s something that’s evolved with him and oh does he enjoy festivals for that reason. Ballroom styles are what he’s most familiar with. Dance with him. Please dance with him. Politics: Indifferent! Doesn’t care for authority figures to begin with so in any case or kingdom with a monarchy he’s very buh about it. He’s very self-accomplished and his beliefs would push him towards meritocracy over anythign else if you ask me!  Flaws: Suspicious, possessive, and very persistent. This could be a strength too but for the most part can be seen as a detriment because of how it ends up being applied. Which is in self-destructive tendencies WOO. He’s also very lustful, and can be distracted by a fine woman and let himself be swayed by his desires over time. Have I mentioned he isn’t the most reliable? He’s apt to lie to people and give intentionally wrong impressions just to make it easier for him to slip away. You gotta go up a few levels to unlock that... So yeah, sins are WRATH, LUST, and ENVY. Strengths: NONE. Okay if you earn a solid place as his friend there is almost NO limit to what he’ll do to protect you. Wylan has a ridiculous amount of determination and mental fortitude and he can and will strike down a GOD to keep those things that are precious to him. He’s also an amusing character to have around, if you are feeling bummed he is almost guaranteed to find a way to cheer you up and support you if only so he can not feel as guilty teasing as he usually does HUE. He’s got a very up beat personality! Sure, a lot of it is a mask but he WANTS it to be real and that’s what really matters if you ask me. His reckless optimism can be endearing. There’s a lot of other surprising mental qualities such as how clever and quick witted he can be. Part of that mental fortitude lets him think and fight on his feet regardless of how much pressure he’s under. It takes a LOT to dampen his thought processes. Drugs/Alcohol: He drinks frequently, but he wouldn’t be counted as a drunkard. Wylan rarely drinks to excess, and prefers to do so among friends and good company. Passwords: Uh, do ritual prayers count? Magical spells? Heh. Email Address, Home Page, Blogs, etc.: Oh if only this were for modern verse... Time and place: Medieval fantasy! Magic and creatures! I also love throwing Monster Hunter vibes in for the big monsters he goes up against. Special Places: For him? Cliffs overlooking the ocean. Abandoned temples he can just chill at. For all he enjoys being around people now and then he really appreciates quiet isolation. Special Memories: Lots of memories with his sister before they more or less split ways. There’s one in particular where he was trying to teach her swordplay when she was just a little girl, and she about stubbed his toe when the wooden practice sword fell right on it. Her panicked attempts to try and heal him were something that really stuck with him.

[tmae3114]

Tell us about the AUs. all of them.

Friend, that is a lot of AUs.

But okay!!

I won’t go immensely in-depth because a) that’d take forever and b) I want to do separate posts and drawings and stuff for a bunch of these

Okay, so, going in the order that I mentioned them in the tags:

(whoops this is going under a cut because It Got Long)

The Pokemon AU

More of a fusion than strictly an AU, I guess, because it’s pretty much “canon, but there are pokemon”.

I’ve determined full teams for the whole ‘crew, along with the genders, levels, abilities, natures, and movesets of all of their pokemon. I got… really into it. I went way too detailed with their teams. I even know what kind of pokeball each of their pokemon are in. I’m in the process of nicknaming them. I’ve also got scatterings of backstory for how they came to have each of the pokemon in their teams!

For now, I’ll tell you what their teams are, along with the nicknames and such of their pokemon. More in-depth stuff (such as aforementioned abilities and movesets and also the backstories) should probably be saved for a different post.

Diath:

“Cath” - Klefki - ♂

Ninjask - ♀

Scyther - ♀

Liepard - ♂

“Dawnguide” - Absol - ♀ 

“Gutter” - Aegislash - ♂

The pattern I went with for nicknaming Diath’s pokemon is based off of the one thing we’ve seen him name in canon - Moonsplinter. So the nicknames for his pokemon, when I eventually come up with them, will be two nouns put together into a name that connects what was named to someone or something important to him. Cath and Gutter are exceptions to the pattern because they were gift pokemon and came with the names (…sort of, in Cath’s case).

Evelyn:

“Morning Glory” - Rapidash - ♀ 

“Periwinkle” - Lycanroc (Midnight Forme) - ♀ 

“Thistleberry” - Eevee - ♂ 

“Sunflower” - Larvesta - ♀ 

“Jonquil” - Solrock - N/A 

“Juniper” - Pichu - ♀

The pattern I went with for nicknaming Evelyn’s pokemon started with Morning Glory and Juniper - I figured that since Evelyn showed a predilection towards plant names in canon, it was as good a theme as any to run with. Thistleberry is the closest to breaking that pattern, since I’ve been unable to find out if that’s actually a real plant (I’ve found thimbleberries but not thistleberries, so I feel like they might be a fantasy thing) in which case you could argue that he was named for Evelyn’s favourite pie. The reasoning for Sunflower should be obvious, a jonquil is a kind of flower similar to a daffodil which sort of resembles a sun in shape, and periwinkles mean “early friendship” in flower language, and Evie sure does make friends fast.

Jonquil may or may not mean “I desire a return of affection” in flower language but sshhhh, that was unintentional

Strix:

“Fuzzywuzz” - Venomoth - ♂

“Waffles” - Ursaring - ♀ 

Mismagius - ♀ 

“Stinky Junior” - Garbodor - ♀ 

“Clothy McClothface” - Banette - ♀ 

“Stinky” - Alolan Rattata - ♂

I don’t think I really need to explain the pattern/theme for naming Strix’s pokemon because, well, *gestures at canon* I just tried to follow the existing naming patterns.

Paultin:

“Palpatine” - Malamar - ♂ 

Exploud- ♂ 

“Charlotte” - Chatot - ♀ 

Gengar - ♂ 

“Peter” - Baltoy  - ♂ 

Alolan Marowak- ♀

I don’t strictly have a naming pattern for Paultin, wildcard that he is. I’ve just been operating on a general rule of “regular real life name that sounds fitting” (a la him naming Simon) or “reference”.

The Superhero AU

You are getting far less information about this one because it’s going to be getting posts of its own when I finally get the drawings for it finished - I’m going to do character profiles and everything.

The basic premise is a vaguely-modern-era-ish Waterdeep (in a vaguely-modern-era-ish Faerun) has a lot of superheroes running around and the Wafflecrew happens to be one of the teams that call the city home. Diath, Strix, Evelyn and Paultin are all doing the secret identity thing and there will be shenanigans involving those because, well, here’s the thing:

The Wafflecrew is a superhero team who’s members keep their identities secret even from each other, mostly because they haven’t been together as a team for very long yet.

Diath, Strix, Evelyn, and Paultin, however, are a group of friends who happen to share a flat. Who are all trying very hard not to let on to their friends that they’re a superhero.

So. Shenanigans.

(Well, except for Diath and Strix. They know about each other’s secret identities)

I won’t tell you everyone’s codenames, though, because ~character profiles~ :3c

The Daemon AU

This one is more loosely defined than the others, to be honest. I will say, straight up, that I have never read His Dark Materials and don’t have any particular intent to, because I’ve read enough excerpts to know I could never get through it. But the concept of daemons is really cool and fun and I’ve read a ton of daemon aus and I feel no shame in yoinking the concept for an au despite never having read the source material.

Evelyn’s daemon is a Norwegian Forest Cat named Carwyn, Paultin’s is a lyrebird named Leto, Strix’s is a Barred Owl named Cináed, and Diath’s… well, if you were to ask him, he’d tell you that his daemon is a very shy house spider named Perdita. The thing is, nobody’s ever actually seen her…

Diath may or may not be in a Special Situation in this AU thanks to the whole ancient-soul-that-Shemeshka-has-part-of circumstance

The Class Swap AU

This one!! Is one that I love!! a lot!! And also one that I fully intend to give its own post with art.

It started with me realising that Mason Marthain existing presented the perfect Backstory Butterfly to play with things a little and justify Evelyn being a rogue in a class swap AU. From there, I just kept playing with their backstories to see what there was that could be tugged on to shift them to one of each other’s classes. Ultimately, my class swap AU stands as such:

Evelyn Marthain, a swashbuckler rogue. Inspired by a slightly different family member, in this universe, Evelyn decided at a young age that rather than follow in her father’s footsteps, she wanted to follow in her uncle’s. Thus, rather than training at the Spires and taking on the mantle of a paladin, she apprenticed on her Uncle’s ship throughout her childhood, and eventually became a rogue.

Diath Woodrow, an oath of devotion paladin. A childhood on the streets went just a little bit differently for Diath, this time around. After a paladin caught him preventing another street kid from pickpocketing, he got taken in by the Church of Selune and found a calling that appealed to his sense of duty and his desire for adventure at the same time. (How does the oath of devotion’s call to obey just authority mix with being chaotic good, you might ask? Well, how does one define “just” authority? In Class Swap!Diath’s case, as soon as someone abuses their power, their authority is no longer just)

Paultin Seppa, a wild magic sorceror. Paultin honestly doesn’t know where his powers came from. They’ve been at the tips of his fingers for as long as he can remember. It probably has something to do with the big swath of his childhood that he can’t remember but he’s not particularly bothered with trying to figure it out. (The thing is, a panicking, traumatised child, very much going into shock, tearing through the mists of Barovia and out of Ravenloft, all on his own and without parental supervision for the very first time, has so much potential to go wrong. He stumbled through a few less than hospitable places before he ended up on the Prime Material)

Strix, a college of glamour bard. Her years in the Feywild were harsh and this time it wasn’t Baba Yaga whose care she stumbled into. She learned a lot, living amongst the fey, and not least amongst that was how a silver tongue, with words carefully chosen and used, is a magic all of its own and also a very dangerous weapon.

I can’t say anything about the two AUs I’m currently writing fics for because spoilers~ so just know that They Exist

The Star Wars AU is extremely conceptual. It features aspiring Jedi Knight Evelyn Marthain, an Alderaanian human raised in the Coruscant Jedi Temple, travelling musician Paultin Seppa, a human of mysterious origin who has an even more mysterious knowledge of the Force, given that he seemingly has no connection to any known Force sects, galactic treasure hunter/archaeologist Diath Woodrow, a human from Coronet City on Corellia, whose heritage may-or-may-not have originated on a certain planet starting with ‘M’, and Strix, a force-sensitive woman of indeterminate species (at first glance, you might think zabrak, but zabraks don’t have tails. They also usually don’t have hair but it’s not like hybrids are completely an unknown possibility… the thing is, if she’s a hybrid, there’s no way she’s a hybrid of just two)

The RWBY AU is Exactly What It Says On The Tin. It’s just an AU where the Wafflecrew are in Remnant. They comprise Team DEPS (”Deeps”) and all I’ve really figured out is their weapons and semblances and tbh, as an AU, it’s probably not going much further than that.

I had a Lot of fun with their semblances, though.

[swordslinger95]

Have you ever heard of the saying, “Murphy’s law?” There’s an interesting story behind it, but I’ll skip it for now, the gist of the saying is, “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” It’s not a very positive saying by any sense or shape, but it’s saved my life more than a few times. Why? Simple, because of that saying, I’m always looking over my shoulder, always on the lookout for when things inevitably go wrong. During my college years, some fool would try to poison me because I was getting better test scores, a jealous roommate would try to axe me for a reason I didn’t quite understand at the time, or on occasion, stopping a pickpocket from going off with my coin purse.  This may sound like fruitless paranoia, but considering the number of times it saved my life, I’d say it’s more than earned it’s place in the “favorite quotes” section of my notebook. Right next to “They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.” By one T.P, one of the greatest authors of all time, he’s gone now...but I’ll always look up to him, both as a source of wisdom, and whenever I need a pick me up. His works were hilarious.

 But, in hindsight, I probably should have remembered that first saying when Jonathan Faye sat down at the dinner table with us and deposited a large stack of papers in front of my face. After he had woken Alice up, who I learned was his niece (though I hadn’t yet asked why she was wearing a maid outfit), the three of us shared an honest conversation about Andros’ current state of affairs. Apparently, the reason for the poor haul I had seen earlier today had been because of, well, simple over harvest from the Duke and Overlord’s sailors. Believe it or not, fish weren’t some limitless resource, much like the ground if you over-farm it, they needed time to replenish and regrow their numbers before you can harvest them again. Sea maidens, that is to say, Mermaids that are slightly more polite than sea harpies, generally enforce this code of conduct upon sailors, but it appears the seas around Andros weren’t really...how can I put this...enforced as much as they should’ve been. Most Sea Maidens would, in this case, take the offending sailors and pull them under, only releasing them back to the surface when the sailors were on the verge of drowning. No one is really hurt, but no one enjoys being dunked into the water repeatedly, even by good looking women who cover themselves solely with seashells.

 ...Before you ask, no, they don’t sing, that kind of sound doesn’t travel underwater very well.

 As for why they weren’t policing the area, the answer came in the form of threats. You remember that Duke I keep mentioning? Well, as it turns out, there was a sea maiden princess being held captive in the Duke’s castle. Now, keep in mind, slavery is illegal in every country, or at least, those with their head on straight. Even us Demons don’t like it all that much, we have servants, sure, but we, ya know, pay em. Besides, there’s a lot of easier ways to get cheap labor, mainly by the way of golems. But the Duke was sorta exploiting a legal loophole, here. See, Sea Maidens, despite being well known, aren’t exactly officially recognized citizens in these parts, mostly because well, there’s not a tangible way to get an embassy down in the middle of the ocean, or a way to keep a Sea Maiden on land for an extended period of time. So that leaves the Duke able to hold one captive without fear of legal repercussions from his nation, that said, no one is really fond of that tactic, so while he’s able to get away with it legally, he’s barely tolerated socially. The Duke’s name was Arnold Milford the 3rd, and from what I’ve heard of him, he’s not exactly pleasant person.

 When I asked Granny about this, she merely said, “Because he’s a jackass.”

 I replied with: “Okay, but why though?”

 The answer came in the form of a paper being shoved in my face, luckily, I did not get a papercut like usual, (I have sensitive skin) but upon reading the contents of said paper, I immediately understood.

 “There’s a new edition of Machi’s journal coming out?” I said, reading the paper.

 Granny took the paper out of my hands, flipped it over, and handed it back to me. Shame, I’m an avid follower of Machi’s Journal, how will your adventures end you sly little half elf?

 Making a mental note to get that new edition when I got the chance, I looked this side of the paper over. Apparently, there was some kind of ball going on, and Milford the 3rd was hosting it. Normally, that wouldn’t be very strange, Dukes held balls all the time, but this one said that the aforementioned Sea Maiden would be there. Now, remember what I said about a Sea Maiden being unable to remain on land for an extended period of time? I meant that when they had some form of movement or freedom, the best way to keep a Sea Maiden on dry land is to just stuff them in a giant glass jar and fill it with water. The problems with that lay in the fact that such things are often too big and too wieldy to be properly used, and is often seen as just a waste of resources. I mean, it’s just a big ass glass jar with a helluva lot of water in it, you could do a lot of better things with glass then a giant jar to hold idiotic Sea Maidens.

 “I’m surprised that the Sea King hasn’t tried to rescue his daughter yet.” I said, “At least by way of mercs, that is.”

 Me, Granny, and John were looking over a map of the area, the Duke’s home was a bright red dot on it, and it was smack dab in the middle of an uphill plateau miles away from the sea. No matter how powerful the Sea King’s magic was, there’s only so far the ocean could reach. The plateau itself was called Pruce (a name that I cannot recall without laughing), and there was another town a bit to the southwest though, only a little bit away from Andro’s, though this was one was verging on the edge of city judging by how big it was. The map called it Plaih Plein.

 As soon as I read that, I erupted into laughter.

 “These lands are generally peaceful, or at the very least, generally boring.” John said, ignoring my outburst, “There’s not a lot of reason for mercs to come here, or at least, the ones that are strong enough to actually accomplish that task.”

 As I began to calm down, I could understand what he meant, aside from the Duke Milford and the other Overlord, there wasn’t much to do around here. No ancient temples, no thriving cities (though that does give me an idea), hell, there wasn’t even a boring village with a windmill to burn down so some hero could rise.

 ...On that note, I made a mental look out for any Heroic types that might show up around here. I could handle myself in a fight, but I don’t think I could last very long against a veteran hero.

 As I thought about this, Alice was kind enough to bring us some tea. I still would’ve prefered coffee, but I’ll take what I can get.

 Giving the girl a warm smile to show that I meant no harm, I accepted the tea with both hands and said, “Thank you kindly.”

 “There’s nothing kind about you, demon!” Alice shrieked, hurting my ears with her sheer volume alone.

 Well, that was rude.

 “Alice!” John yelled, “Be nice to our guests!”

 “It’s fine,” I said, holding up one hand, “I don’t expect to be welcomed here, but...” I gave Alice a pointed, narrow look, “I do expect to be tolerated.” I gave the last word a distinct emphasis to make my point clear. I could handle being named called, but if Alice’s misgivings ever got out of hand, I would do what I deemed necessary.

 Which would be a time out in a corner.

 What? I’m a demon, not a bully. The only way I’d even consider doing her any actual harm would be if...I dunno, she came at me in a rabid zeal, and not in a good way either, and even then, I probably wouldn’t kill her. The girl hasn’t seen a day of combat, it’d be like picking on a baby. It will accomplish nothing but make you look like moron.

 But still, I think she took my message a little too far, since the color drained out of her face again. I resisted the urge to plant my palm against my face and returned my attention to John, offering him an apologetic look for my action.

 Which he took in grace, and coughed, “Alice, why don’t you go spend some time in the study? You should really begin reading on mathematics.”

 Alice sighed, but took heed of his advice and left.

 “...Tell me something,” I began as I watched Alice go, “Is she single?”

 From the looks I got, that was not what Granny and John were expecting to hear….which is exactly why I said it.

 Their reactions were a mixed bunch, Granny was confused, but keeping calm. Shame, I was hoping to get a bit more out the woman, John, on the other hand, was the exact opposite, his face turned a bright shade of red, and he sputtered out his next words in a confused huff of warm air. I couldn’t really understand any of it, but I just smiled at him calmly in reply…which only confused him more, for some reason.

 “Remind me again, what kind of demon are you?” Granny asked.

 “I told you, I’m an Overlord.” I replied, turning towards her.

 “No, I mean, what kind of demon?” Granny repeated, “Vampire, werewolf…”

 “Oh….Oh!” I exclaimed, now that I got what she was saying, I showed her my fangs, “Hybrid, actually. My mother was a succubus.”

 “That explains it.” Granny nodded, but raised an eyebrow, “But you don’t look like any succubi I’ve seen.”

 “Oh….” I coughed, “Let’s just say I should have listened to mom more and leave it at that.”

 My answer seemed to satisfy her and I left it at that, but to get back on topic…. “Anyway, my parents aren’t really important right now. What is important is what we’re going to do. The long and short of it is, we need to get to get these waters flowing with fish again, and that foolish duke is floundering our chances.”

 Why yes, I did just pull an alliterative out of my head, you’re welcome. Also, did Granny say she’s see other Succubi? What kind of life has she lead….

 “What do you propose?” John asked, shaking me out of my thoughts.

 I thought for a moment, “Have either of you two have been to a ball?”

  Of course, I wouldn’t expect them to agree to my plan right away, that would just be stupid, but at the moment, I needed some time to actually think. My plan was as follows: Intrude upon the Duke’s Ball rudely and dramatically, I make a big speech about how I will rule this land and burn his castle down. While I’m off being a Demon lord, I wanted Granny and John (and/or whoever else I could grab), to grab the Sea Maiden’s jar and put her into a cart, then which we will drag it into the sea and drop her off. With the princess returned, there was no reason for the Sea Maidens not to patrol these waters anymore. It would take a while for the fish to come back, but it was better to start sooner or later.

 Now, if anything out of that sounded like a comedy routine, you would be right. But sadly, the only other thing I could think of was “Break everything,” which wouldn’t fair well with John and Granny.

 Now, you don’t need to tell me there are holes in this plan. For starters, I don’t know where the Sea Princess actually is, what kind of container she’s in, what kind of guard duty the guy had, or how we would avoid being captured even if we managed to escape from the ball. These were just a few of the worries I had in my mind as I leaned against a random wall in the center of town. After me and Granny had left John’s home, Granny had decided to go to the store to procure some groceries for tonight’s dinner.

 I mean, that was nice of her….I was planning to hunt for food, or something…

 Anyway, I was currently deep in thought, trying to figure out my next move. My first gut instinct was to go over to the Duke’s land of Pruce (HA) and scout things out, try to get the lay of the land. So, who was putting up with the Duke, who worked for him and so on.

 Slight problem with that, I was a demon, I’d stick out like a sore thumb.

 As I mumbled and growled over my problems, I noticed something about the townspeople in front of me.

 They weren’t really looking at me.

 Now, before you say I’m narcissistic, what I mean by that is, they weren’t looking at me. They’re heads were down, focused solely on whatever was in front of them with a dour expression on all their faces. They were completely and utterly avoiding my gaze, and everyone else's for that matter.

 How can I put it in a metaphor….How about….I was a splash of red and black in a sea of greys. Hell, even Granny’s brown coat and John’s blue vest would stick out just as much as I do in this place. It was depressing, to be honest. Where was the color, the life? I couldn’t rule over these people, it’d be like ruling over a group of mindless drones, and while that might work for some Overlords, it would suck for me. These guys had no drive, no will, whether it was beaten down by life or the place they lived in, the truth of the matter was that without a drive to do...anything, they were about as useless as the shit you find on the side of the road. I guess, at first, they were surprised by me, if only a little. But now that I was just leaning against the wall, they probably thought I was of no real importance, and left me to my own devices.

 So, that meant I could add in another problem to my growing list of problems. Yay.

 Right then, what should I do first?

 Well...there should be a school around here somewhere, where the kids would hang out. I should also visit the local fisherman’s guild, or what passed for it around here...then maybe I should stop by the library, if there was one. If not, I would have to find a way to build one.

 ….And there should be a church, or something. Again, if there wasn’t, I’d have to build one later. What? I don’t care what people worship so long as they remember who's in charge (I.E: ME.).

 First stop, the school.

 Now, when you picture a school, you’d normally expect a kind young woman graciously teaching the kids and everyone loves her, or you expect a complete hellhole where the rules are viciously enforced and no one likes going there. Both of these expectations are completely understandable, we all have varied experiences in our school life, some good, some bad, but at the end of the day, we all picture school as a place where we sit down and listen to somebody talk for an hour, or if you’re a teacher, you’ll do the talking while counting the days to retirement.

 Okay, picturing all that? Good, now crumple that picture into a ball and throw it into the nearest trash can. The school of Andros was neither of those two things. It was a small shack on the edge of town where children gathered for about four hours a day, then went back to help their parents at their jobs. The teacher was a tired old woman, kinda portly, I vaguely wondered if she was related to Granny at, what with that glare she shot me with as I opened the door to the shack.

 I kinda wondered what the kids thought of me as I entered the shack, some had wide eyed faces as this demonic lady entered without an announcement, others hadn’t so much as lifted an eyebrow, and...there was that little elf girl I saw earlier. She gave a small gasp of surprise as she saw me, but I paid her no mind, the teacher was who I was focused on.

 “Hello.” I greeted calmly, “I just wanted to let you all know, I’m your new Overlord.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the children, a human boy, raise their hand. Inching my gaze to him, I nodded, “Yes?” I asked.

 “Are you evil?” He asked.

 “Yep.” I replied.

 “How evil?”

 I gave off a cocky smirk, “Very evil.”

 “Ooooohhh.” The boy oooh’ed.

 I’ve always liked kids, believe it or not. So young, so full of life...so easy to control, so easy to mold. Just give a kid a decent mother figure, and they’ll follow you for about ten years before they become teenagers, then they’ll follow no one and will probably throw a temper tantrum or two. Or listen to angsty teenage music while wearing black...oorrr swear vengeance on you for some reason like, “You killed my family!” Or something like that, while wearing black.

 Kids were weird.

  “Is there a reason why you’re here?” The teacher asked, as I looked over the kids, I smiled evilly, which, in adult terms, just meant a cocky smirk.

 “Oh, I thought I’d look over the young bloods of this town.” I said casually, “See how they’re doing.”

 “Really.” The teacher said, not buying it at all. Good woman, you can stay.

 “Yep!” I repeated with a beaming smile, “So, what’s the lesson plan for today?”

 “We’re...learning the alphabet.” The teacher said, looking down at her book, which I realized was in horrible condition. Like, it was barely holding together, sheesh, remind me to get these kids some proper textbooks.

 “....Is that it?” I asked, looking around the room. Some of these kids had to be at least six or seven, they should already know how to read…Or...do they? “Hey, show of hands, who here knows how to read?”

 Out of them all, only the elf girl raised her hand.

 “...Okay, Teach, new plan. You teach them math, I’ll teach them the alphabet.”

 “....Come again?”

 “I have like, three degrees.” I said plainly, looking her in the eye, “Trust me, by the time I’m done, these kids will able to write in ancient elvish. Besides, it’s better if two people handle this instead of just one. If you need further proof of who I am, feel free to ask the mayor about me.”

 The teacher, despite her surprised look, couldn’t help but nod at my suggestion. Perhaps it was because she was grateful for the additional help, perhaps it was because she was tired of dealing with kids. Either way, it was important I connected with the kids of this small town while I could.

 As much as I wish I could say it was out of the goodness of my heart (yeah right), it was actually because, well, kids made good spies. Even if they didn’t realize it themselves, kids were naturally connected to everywhere in town, and being their “teacher” would mean I could be in constant contact with them.

 Meanwhile, the kids on the other hand, went “ooohhh” and “awwww” at the thought of getting a new teacher who looked a lot better than the old hag in front of them.  

 Looking at the teacher, I smiled politely, “Let’s meet up later to discuss the curriculum. I live in the old mansion at the swamp, but be sure to tell me where you live so we can meet up for chats.” I said.

 “Of course.” She replied.

 Nodding, I turned around and headed for the exit.

 Or, I would have if the elf girl hadn’t tugged on my coat.

 Looking down in confusion, she looked up at me and beamed, “Does this mean that you’re gonna rule us?”

 “And teach ya.” I said.

 “Yeeeee.” The child squealed, her eyes lighting up like stars, and for the record no, that was not a metaphor, her eyes literally lit up and started glowing. That was...weird, who was this kid?

 I filed that under “weird shit” in my head, but I smiled at the little kid and gently brushed her hands away. Walking away from the...school, I hesitate to call it that, I made my way over to the local fishing guild.

 Well, to call it a guild would be a bit much, in reality, it was just a couple of workshops strapped together where fish were hauled in. The men there were...uh, how can I put this...They weren’t...uh, strapping lads, if you got my meaning. Most of them were old men, skinny young teens, or just guys who looked likely they desperately needed a break. Approaching one of the fisherman, his skin dark and red, obviously he was recovering from a workout or he was in dire need of some sleep, because he was slumping against a wall and breathing heavily.  

 “Hello.” I greeted calmly, “I’m here for the head of the guild, I heard his name was…”

 “Her name, demon.” A gruff voice said from behind me.

 Well, that was rude. Frowning, I turned to the sound of the voice and-Oh la la….

 Standing in front of me was one hell of a half orc. She stood strong, proud, and had black hair tied into an eye patch. A cutlass hanged at her side, a flintlock pistol strapped into a thigh holster, and she had on the clothes that made every swashbuckler look so...dashing.

 Sadly, the only thing that was missing was the hat, every good swashbuckler needed a hat. A nice, big hat with a feather.

 “Oh, hello.” I said, brushing back some of my hair as I did, “Are you the owner of this fine establishment?” I asked.

 To my surprise though, the Half orc shook her head, and stepped to the side.

 There, looking cross and...well, short, was an orange haired, middle aged halfling. Her work apron was covered in fish guts and she had a pair of goggles strapped over her head. She was actually pretty tall for a halfling, coming up to my waist, almost enough to be mistaken for a dwarf, not to mention she was packing a lot of muscle, I mean, I’m not short. If it wasn’t for the fur on her feet, I would’ve legitimately thought she was a dwarf.

 Regardless though, this was something of a letdown. Sigh, it’s never what I want, is it?

 “Are you the owner?” I asked, trying to keep my disappointment off my face. Evidently, it didn’t work, because the halfling frowned and stepped up to my stomach. There was still a height difference, mind you, but the halfling didn’t seem to care. If anything, she made up the lack of height in emotional weight.

 “Yes, I am the owner of this little hovel, and let me two things straight with you, Ms. Sakall.” Oh, good, she knew who I was, thank the gods, “One: I do not appreciate some hotly totty demon lord trying to wedge in on my business, second, keep your eyes off my cousin.”

 I blinked in confusion, cousin? Did I hear that right? Replaying what she said in my head, over and over again, I tried to figure out a way a half orc could be related to a halfling. I mean, aside from the obvious “half”’s in their names, there’s not a lot of ways for them to be related.

 Apparently, the Halfling had mind reading powers of her, since she slapped me in the thigh, “She’s adopted you nitwit!” The halfling yelled at me.

 “Okay, A, that’s rude.” I said, “B, who are you?”

 “My name’s Bellmerry William. You can call me Bell.” Bell told me. Okay, good, nicknames, that meant she could be less intense....hopefully.

 “And your cousin?” I asked, glancing at the half orc, who had been keeping up a somewhat irritated expression this entire time.

 “Razi.” Bell said, and I waited for her to finish.

 “....And?” I asked.

 “She’s just Razi.” Bell said, crossing her arms, undoubtedly very amused by this confused Demon Lord.

 “No last name?”

 “Nope.”

 “....She doesn’t talk a lot, does she?”

 “Nope.” Bell repeated, glancing at her cousin with a smile. Razi, in turn, smiled back.

 “Well then.” I clapped my hands together, “Is there anywhere else we talk? I prefer to have this kind of discussion...” I glanced around, some heads have turned our way, “In private.”

 As it turns out, Bell did.

  And that “private place” was a ship’s cabin.

 The S.S Blitzkrieg rocked gently back and forth, it was a nice ship, really. From what I understood from the sailors, it, aside from being Andros’ only ship, was a Brig class. A sort of compromise between a larger man o’war smaller gunboat or schooner, which was nice for long distance seafaring, like going out into deep sea, but uh, for a port town whose main income was fish? Not a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, it could bring in fish, but it wasn’t purpose built for the task. The Blitzkrieg itself was a sort of moldy green, with a white wing sail over the tallest mast. It didn’t have any cannons on the top deck, sadly, but it did have a lot of room for cargo in the bottom.

 Now, I want to make this one other point clear, I read all of this from a book, all of this information is pre-thought.

 Because about five minutes after I had set foot on that dang boat, I was leaning over the railings and resisting the urge to lose my lunch. I was not good on boats. They just rocked so much.

 Obviously, Bell took great amusement at my current predicament, which she expressed through hearty laughter.

 “Ha! Demon Queen, I thought for sure you had sea legs!” She laughed at me, how cruel was this woman?

 “Uurrrggghh…..” Was my clever response. I hated to admit it, but she was right. I had no stomach, literally or figuratively, for sea travel. Every time I got on a ship I felt wobbly, hell, even thinking about being on a ship at sea would make me lose my lunch. Why? Well, let’s just say that once, my dad took me to a ship once, I fell off the ship, and that’s why I get seasick easy.

 Patting me on the back, Bell just continued to enjoy my suffering with a laugh, “Ha, maybe you would prefer to do this meeting on solid ground?”

 Despite how tempting that offer was, I would have to refuse it. I had to establish that I could hold myself well in places that I wasn’t accustomed to. More to the point, I had to prevent Bell from setting the tone of our relationship, if we were to work together, it had to be on even terms.

 Casting a discrete healing spell on myself, I managed to quell some of the nausea I felt and stood up a bit straighter. Turning to face Bell, I put on a calm expression, “So, Ms. William, I trust you know a little of my story, and I know a little of yours, but what I don’t understand is how these waters became so taxed. I know that the Duke kidnapped a Sea Maiden, but…”

 “But you’re thinking that ain’t the only cause?” Bell finished.

 I nodded, “I learned a long time ago that things are rarely black and white.”

 “Well, you’re not wrong.” Bell said, moving to lean over the railing next to me, “The Sea Maiden played a large part, to be sure, but that’s just one problem. The other Demon Lord is the other.”

 “I figured as much.” I nodded.

 “Yep, don’t know that fool’s name, but when the Sea Maiden got herself captured, wanna know what that idiot did? He tried to “wage war” on the Sea Kingdom.”

 “...Their capital is like, six hundred miles away, underwater.” I gaped.

 Bell nodded, “Yep, but he didn’t exactly care about that, so he figured that he could, you know, starve them out, so he had his boys take up fishing.”

“But Sea Maidens don’t even eat fish.” I said, “Don’t they eat, like, kelp or something?”

 “Like I said, he’s a fool. From what I can gather, he’s got lots of power, but not a lot of brains.”

 I could understand what she meant, a lot of Demon Lords were usually pretty strong in combat, but, like some kind of divine trade off, not a lot had brains, but usually those very same Lords were killed off by adventuring heroes by exploiting said lack of brains. After all, it didn’t matter you could bench press a castle if you couldn’t move from a powerful ice spell. Sometimes I wonder if their lack of brainpower was because of one too many hits on the head, on the flipside though, Demon Lords that were smart, usually had a lack of power because they spent a lot of time reading or planning. Those Lords also went down because, well, you can only plan for so much before someone caves your skull in with a hammer. The Demon Lords that had brains and brawn both were few and far between, and I could probably count them on both of my hands.

 So, that would mean my neighbor was probably either very lucky, or very powerful, either way, I would have to plan my steps carefully.

 Still, taking care of those two were the most immediate steps, but for the time being, I would have to focus on the Duke. He was probably easier to handle, and no one would miss him. Still, that did raise the question, how was he staying in power all this time? He had to have some pretty powerful connections, because the local human kingdoms should be breathing down his neck…

 Hm, must have a friend higher up, or something.

 “Okay, that’s another problem to worry about.” I muttered, returning to lean on the rails.

 “What is?” Bell asked.

 “Oh, just wondering how Milford is still in business. Like it or not, kidnapping the Sea Princess has a lot of ramifications, I’m honestly surprised that he hasn’t let her go yet.” I said, “He’s probably got a few connections.”

 “Probably.”

 “So tell me something,” I began, “Let’s say a best case scenario happens and the fish start coming back, how long....”

 “How long until we can start fishing safely again?” Bell guessed.

 “Yeah.” I nodded.

 “Well...if the maidens let us, I’d say about a year or two.”

 I winced, “That long?”

 “Yep, and even then, I’d imagine that they’ll be sticky about what we can take.” Bell finished, clearly following my train of thought.

 “Great.” I slumped, “I’m gonna have grey hairs before I’m thirty….”

 Bell patted me on the back again, this time a bit more comforting, “If it makes ya feel any better, most people are sick of Milford’s antics too. Somebody’s bound to remove that idiot from power.”

 “And I’m grateful for that,” I nodded, “But here’s the thing, it also needs to be me. If Andros is to stand on it’s own two feet again, it needs to establish itself. If someone from the human kingdoms takes Milford down, that Demon Lord will probably move in and take over the area, including Andros.”

 Bell raised an eyebrow, “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the difference between you and him?”

 I snorted, “I, at the very least, am willing to hear what other people have to say. If I didn’t...well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?”

 “True enough, but won’t the demon lord move in even if you’re the one to put him under?” Bell asked.

 I considered what she said, and I nodded, “You’re not wrong, if I take Milford down, then the other Demon Lord, whose name I should learn, is probably going to try to move in...but…but…” I sighed, “If I can, I’ll try to bargain with some of the human authorities to up the pressure on him, using the Sea Princess as a bargaining chip.”

 Bell’s eyes widened, “You mean to say that-”

 I held up my hand, “And if I did have the Sea Princess in my grasp, I would, in fact, plan on returning her to her family. The Sea King would be in my debt, after all. I just need the Humans to keep the other Lord distracted, that’s all. Sides, hopefully it won’t even come to that. With the Sea Princess freed, the Humans have no reason not to force their navy on the Demon Lord.”

 “You’ve thought this through.” Bell noted, and I smiled in return.

 “Just bits and pieces.” I replied.

 “Hm, that reminds me, have you visited the coopers yet?”

 “...I don’t think I need to visit any blacksmiths.” I replied, a little confused by Bell’s question. Coopers? I wasn’t aware that Andros had any sort of craftsman who specialized in that sort of thing.

 “No.” Bell shook her head, “I mean the cops.”

 “Oh. OH.” I blinked, realizing at last what Bell was getting at, “....Wait, you guys have actual police?”

 Huh, what a shock.