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bg-sparrow · 1 year

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35 Questions for Fanfiction Writers! ✨

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!) Three and a half? Four on a good day. I've come a long way in 18 years, and I am always looking for ways to improve my craft. Seeing how much I've learned in that time, I can only imagine how much more there is left to learn.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? I love being able to share stories with others who are already invested in the people, places, and stories of canon. I get to feel like I have a say. I like that my audience already knows so much without me having to world-build, too. It's a great community.

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I'm a lot older than your average fanfic author these days, so I just have more experience in general on how to tell a story and what elements work well in certain places. I also research the crap out of everything I do because I don't like to spread misinformation, even in fanfic.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? @knickynoo, @writingwife-83, @alydiarackham, @florencia7 @perrydowning - to you all, while you don't know me, I adore your works, and they inspire me to provide a worthwhile experience with a quality story. Thank you for sharing all of your amazing works with your fandoms and helping me become a better writer for it.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? I'm big proud of Where You Are (Time Circuits Series #2). That story took forever to sort out the logistics, but it so paid off. It's my favorite big story in the series. Also really proud of Principles of Compromise because I came back after eight years and finished it!

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. I love writing dialogue. It's what keeps people engaged and the story moving. People don't skip the dialogue!

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Starting. Once I start, the words will just keep coming; I know that. But I get stuck on starting so much.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? I find my OC from the Time Circuits Series, Emma Brown, easy to write because I've literally been writing her for seventeen years. Marty and Doc also get a mention because they're with her in all the stories. I'm also super good at Tony Stark, I'm told. And Cutler Beckett and Buford Tannen, my bad boys. ❤️

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Recently, Clara Clayton, but only because I had little experience in writing her before Part 3. I'm comfortable enough with my take on her, but I always hoped others might tell me it was enough.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? I like drama and comedies. Angst can get fun, too!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? These crazy people whose lives revolve a time-travelling DeLorean.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. I am very excited about the Secret Santa I'm working on right now, and I'm planning notes on a sequel to Once Upon a Time in the West! It will likely be titled "Once Upon a Time in the East" and follow Marty and Buford toward the East Coast in pursuit of a mutual enemy.

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? I guess Harry Potter? First one published was Pirates of the Caribbean.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Right now, Back to the Future. I've known these movies for 33 years, and I feel confident enough to write about them.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Bewitched (2005), Stranger Than Fiction, Copying Beethoven, and Die Hard.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Arranged marriage, time travel, unplanned pregnancy, silly miscommunication/ misinterpretation

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Soulmate, A/B/O, coffee shop

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? FFHQ for sure: Nina Cue is the newest secretarial substitute at FFHQ, a fan fiction production company. Being a “sub” is quite a unique experience — floating from fandom to fandom each day to fill in for the characters’ secretaries. The charming, insufferable James Norrington sets the tone for her foreseeable work life. With fellow subs Reese and Josh to share in her wins and woes, Nina just might survive the parties, paperwork, flirts, rivals, and drama.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? I'm all for any, depending on the mood. I wrote an OC x canon with the utmost respect for canon in mind, so I guess in between?

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I do tend to get shippy, but I'm just a romantic and I can't help it. Not like a romance novel-level romantic, but a small-things-are-big-gestures romantic.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) I have spent ten years writing Marty McFly and my OC, Emma Brown, and I must say, they go well together! I actually also really enjoyed writing for Elizabeth Swann and James Norrington even though they weren't the ship in the story! People were rooting for them and they knew it wasn't the endgame lol. I also wrote a lot of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts (Pepperony)! Apparently I've just got a knack for these two!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? I do have playlists cultivated to go with each specific story I'm working on (mostly film/ TV/ video game scores), but when music isn't helping, I'll listen to rain or thunderstorms!

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I think a lot of original ideas can come from prompts and challenges! I'm about to start a sequel on a little side story I wrote for Cowboyvember, and I'm taking it so seriously! But the ideas within the story are fairly original.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? Usually one-shots because TIME. But if the work count isn't crazy, I'll do multichapter.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I do! For Time Circuits Series, I think about Marty and Emma having those four daughters Marty joked about. I think about going back to write the 1985A version of their counterparts' stories. Maybe an origin story for Doc and Emma's mother. For "Once Upon a time in the West", I'm about to work on the sequel, "Once Upon a Time in the East".

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? Yes, and I'm actually starting to try it for the first time in my "Once Upon a Time in the West Stories" — sexuality. I've written pretty vanilla stuff my whole life, but I want to give this stuff a shot because I know how to be respectful and tread lightly (but appreciate being told otherwise if that's not the case as I'm not experienced).

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? This one has stuck with me since it was posted to Where You're Going (Time Circuits #1) on FFN in 2015, and it's the one that inspired me to maintain these expectations as I continued the trilogy: "I am completely head over heels for your story! Emma is a wonderful character and I think she has a good amount of Doc in her, which I've seen other variations of his daughter lack. Also I love how you've incorporated her into the story so smoothly, giving her a sub-plot that intertwines so well with the movie but doesn't feel forced at all. While reading I actually found myself forgetting that she wasn't actually IN the movie. Your writing style is wonderfully lively and I can't wait to read more!"

28. How well do you handle criticism regarding your writing? So, I was writing an excellent piece for a creative writing assignment in college. The next day, the professor hands out copies to the entire class, and they DESTROY it. And I was hurt and embarrassed at the time (yay, RSD), but it was THE BEST THING that EVER happened to me as a writer. I use the one class period EVERY SINGLE TIME I WRITE as a lesson, motivation, and key to putting my best out there. Thank you, Dr. Craig. After that, I can happily handle whatever criticism people want to throw at me.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I did that with "Once Upon a Time in the West". I made Marty bisexual, though he's kind of in denial about it and still leans more toward women. I've never touched anything like that before. And I wrote about depression a lot in the story. Also new-ish territory now that I'm writing with experience.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Both.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! I never shut up about Emma Brown, the teenage daughter I gave Doc Brown in my rewrite of the Back to the Future film trilogy. She's a little brainy like her dad but not quite there yet, heavily sarcastic to the point it's a shield/ coping mechanism, loves peanut butter and old sitcoms, outgoing, outspoken, has terrible handwriting, and an unspoken romantic. Her mother died in childbirth on Aug 9, 1968. You can find out more about her — and see her — here!

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. "Marty and Buford begrudgingly respect each other sort of"

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? I do it all between working motherhood. I write on my work computer, my phone, my couch, my bed, my desk, my dining room table. I have full-blown conversations with myself in my notebooks as a kind of Roundtable of Ericas discussion for figuring out big plot points and they never disappoint!

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. This excerpt is from Where You're Going (Time Circuits #1), Chapter 14: Of the Essence, in which Emma has been tasked with writing the letter to warn her father about the Libyans and turns to Marty for help. That letter always has to come from Marty for me, and this was how I made that work (and snuck in some romance):

"I can't do it."

Marty looked up from the television as Emma fell into the couch next to him, defeated.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't write the letter!" she half-whispered in frustration. She grabbed the throw pillow at the far end of the couch and pushed it into her uneasy stomach as she tucked her feet up under herself. "I don't know what to say! What do I say? Should I tell him everything or be as vague as possible? Do I tell him who I am? Is that even relevant to the whole thing? I don't know if it should be short or long or scolding or sorry or just…euragh!"

Her overwhelmed nerves sent her forehead between his shoulder and the couch with a helpless, muffled grunt of resignation. Marty's eyebrows raised at her outburst.

"I need your help," she practically whimpered.

Marty sighed, calmly looking over at her crinkled mass of loose waves spilling over his shoulder. The television's light gave her rounded back and calves sharp contrast, but the firelight touched her wild tresses with all of the soft warmth of an oil painting.

He swallowed.

…What the hell, McFly?

Suddenly, her breath found that exposed part of skin where his shirt had ridden up against the cushions, and he blinked at the sensation, rolling his neck slowly to ward off the goose bumps travelling up his spine.

Now was not the time to be dwelling on such things - such things as Emma recently being able to desensitize him as easily as throwing a switch, for example. And when exactly had "recently" started?

He should not have even entertained acknowledging this stuff right now. Whatever "this stuff" was. Not when she was on the verge of legitimately wigging out. You'd think the girl had misplaced her organic nomenclature notes to the point of searching the freezer again.

The situation at hand, however, was way more serious. Doc didn't get shot by terrorists because Emma couldn't find Chemistry notes. And regardless of what involuntary thoughts, feelings, and reactions he had "recently" been having towards the girl stuffed into his shoulder blade, she was a friend that needed him above all else right now.

Carefully, Marty shifted his right side into the arm of the chair.

"Em."

Already emotionally numbed from her escapades at the writing desk, Emma hadn't the mind to do anything but bat her eyelashes as Marty laid back into the corner of the sofa, took the throw pillow from her, and dropped it to his lap. Emma hazily stared at Marty's arm outstretched beside her. He nodded to himself, the fingers of his left hand extending a quick, fluttering invitation to come closer. Her eyes met his in a wordless exchange, and he simply reached for her.

Before Emma could let herself overthink more things than she was already overthinking, she boredly told herself to shut up, stretched out on her right side, and let her head settle into the pillow. The curve of her neck relaxed as black and white flickers from the television danced along it. In some other state of mind, she would be incredibly proud of herself for not flinching as Marty's arm draped over her, fingertips barely touching the pleated waist of her silken nightdress.

Right now, his contact seemed a necessity, not a desire. She needed somebody, something to reassure her that all three of them were going to come out on the other end of this thing okay. It seemed to be all catching up to her after being bombarded with the questions posed while writing the letter to her father; one wrong move was all it took. Emma putting one word out of place, Marty pushing his father out from in front of a car, Doc miscalculating by a single decimal place – everything hung in the balance of the simplest things that shouldn't require any thought or no-never-mind.

Instead, she folded her knees up over her churning stomach. She sighed again as Marty's thumb grazed a small spot on her arm. Rin Tin Tin came back from commercial break.

"What do we do?" Emma asked at length.

Marty looked down at her, lowering his fist from the side of his face. Her rosy nightgown and Doc's oversized robe cascaded over her and off the couch, much as her hair had sprawled into his lap. He couldn't count how many times they'd hung out on the couch at the end of a long study session or because they simply didn't want to do anything for the rest of the day. And, yes, they'd sat shoulder-to-shoulder occasionally and dozed off that way, but having her laying at his side with his arm around her like this?

Friendly casualness, comforting, what have you; everything aside, this was a first.

And it felt like they'd done it a hundred times.

Wow.

Swallowing, Marty gently clutched the excess of robe at her waist. "We'll write it together tomorrow."

"Do you think we're going to be okay?"

Marty's heart sank. Emma, who had been barreling headlong through this week so very brave-faced, was finally beginning to show the hope wilting within her. He sat back into the couch. Of all the difficult questions she had ever asked him, this was one of the hardest.

"Of course we are," he whispered, trying to convince himself as much as her. He curled his hand over hers. "We're going home tomorrow night, Em. Where your dad is alive and waiting for us."

Emma's throat thickened. Her lips shook.

"I miss him, Marty."

He squeezed her hand and didn't let go.

"So do I."

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want! When I got back into writing last year, I planned to wrap up the fics I'd left unfinished and be at peace with fan fic, maybe be more of a reader than writer after that. Now, I'm putting out more than I ever have, thanks to finding the BttF community on Tumblr; they just want me to keep writing my crazy adventures and I want to share them! So maybe I'm not done writing just yet. :)

#writer ask game #fanfic writer ask #writing asks #bgsparrow #just for fun #ask game #i love these

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knickynoo · 3 years

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Gonna regret asking this as soon as you answer, but what do you think Marty would’ve done had doc actually died in the parking lot? Like immediately and beyond? And just to spread the pain around, what would doc have done had Marty died by buford’s hand?

This is another one of those asks that got backlogged. Sorry, anon. I've given some thought to these scenarios, though, and, well...I'm sorry. This is gonna be dark.

Had Doc not heeded Marty's warning and actually died (& assuming Marty re-loading the time machine with plutonium and trying to fix things isn't possible for some reason):

Marty would've continued to sit on the cold ground, sobbing for a long while. Einstein would join him, torn between trying to comfort his young friend and whimpering by Doc, trying to get the man to wake up.

Once the initial flood of tears eases, I could see Marty getting angry. Like, the angriest he's ever been. Screaming at Doc, at himself, and maybe finding things in Doc's truck to throw around and destroy. Then another wave of sadness would hit and he'd break down again.

Eventually, Marty would realize he needed to get moving. Someone was bound to see the fire caused by the Libyans' van and also the truck, DeLorean on the street in town, and the man lying dead in the mall parking lot. He'd know that the police would soon be called and that there would be a lot of questions that he'd rather not have to answer, but Marty would be very hesitant to go. He wouldn't want to leave his best friend. How could he? It would be a betrayal. He'd be a coward to run. Doc wouldn't leave him if the roles were reversed. So he'd stay, shivering in the cold night air, trying to figure out what he'll say. What they'll ask him.

After, he'd find a payphone and call the police himself. Upon their arrival, though, he'd lean into his own hysteria and act like he had no clue what happened. Maybe explain he was Doc's assistant and that he'd been asked to come to the mall but he'd shown up late and found the scene as it was already. When it came down to it, Marty would really be too much of a mess to talk to anyone, and the authorities on the scene would just see a distraught kid who needed to get home.

(There's a lot that could probably be said about how things would unfold once Marty got home, but in the interest of wanting to skip ahead, I'll just say that George and Lorraine would be horrified. Scared out of their minds and confused at what had happened. They'd likely do everything in their power to shield Marty from questions and prying eyes in the weeks that would follow)

Oh, right...on top of Doc being dead and Marty having witnessed it (twice!), he'd also have to deal with the whiplash at his suddenly new family. Which would really not be a good situation.

Things would rapidly fall apart for Marty once the dust settled and the reality of things set in. He'd be dealing with a family who all felt like strangers. He'd have no memories of ever having lived with those people. He wouldn't even be able to talk to Jennifer about anything for fear of sounding crazy and scaring her away. His best friend in the world, the only person who Marty felt truly understood him, was gone.

I think some pretty significant PTSD would be likely. Marty would have constant nightmares of Doc getting killed. Of trying and failing over and over to save him. And even with his loving, supportive parents doing all they can, it wouldn't be enough. Marty wouldn't feel a real connection to them or want their help. He wouldn't want Jennifer's help. He'd just want Doc back. He'd torture himself with thoughts of what he could have done differently that night he left 1955 or upon his arrival back to '85. He'd blame himself entirely for not trying hard enough. Not being smart enough or brave enough to have done something to save Doc.

Things would only be made worse as rumors swirled around town. Doc would be solidified as a villain in Hill Valley. A crazy, dangerous man who drew terrorists to their quiet little town and almost got a teenager killed. Marty would have to listen to whispers of people's theories as to what happened that night and hear them express their relief that Doc was no longer around to cause them any trouble. People would shoot Marty sideways glances, either looking down on him for having been acquainted with the deranged scientist or holding pity for him. Classmates would harass and taunt him, wanting to know what happened. Wanting to hear the "real story".

All the while, Marty is consumed by a grief he's unable to escape. He'd probably go one of two ways. Too depressed to function, he'd sort of withdraw entirely from life. Break up with Jennifer, shut his family out, abandon his music, etc. He'd see no real point in trying to make a good life for himself and be too anxious to ever move out of his comfort zone. On the other hand, he could give in to his anger and swing the other way, becoming self-destructive and sabotaging his future--drinking, dropping out of school, and using his fists to deal with any peers who dare to say a bad word about Doc. Either way, he'd be upset at himself because he'd know Doc would want better for him. Expect better of him. But he wouldn't be able to pull himself together because he'd be so stuck having convinced himself Doc's death was his fault.

Where would all of this leave our dear Marty as the years pass? I'm not sure. He'd either spiral totally beyond reach or eventually hit rock bottom and realize that he had to let go of all the sadness and anger and live up to all the potential Doc was always saying he had. At that point, though, he would have lost years to his grief, so getting his life together would be difficult. And...yeah.

That was lovely, wasn't it? Doc's turn!

Had Marty actually been killed by Buford (again assuming using time travel to fix things isn't an eventual option):

I feel like, initially, Doc would skip right past the devastated/crying phase and go immediately to a level of anger he'd never felt before. Do you remember how he acted when Buford was harassing Clara at the dance, especially when she was pushed down? Remember how it took 3 of Buford's guys to hold Doc back?? Yeah, well, take that and multiply it a couple of times.

I think it's quite possible that Doc would attempt to take Buford down right there, which likely wouldn't end well for him. But he wouldn't even care. He was heartbroken already over Clara and then his best friend in the world is killed in front of him. All rational parts of Doc would be gone. And seeing as Buford is, you know, dangerously unhinged and has his little posse with him, Doc might end up getting himself killed a minute or two later as well. In which case...well, that would be the end of this scenario. He and Marty would end up buried next to each other in the Old West.

If Doc somehow managed to survive an encounter with Buford, or if he didn't confront him at all because he was in such a state of shock, I think he'd resign himself to a quiet, lonely life in the 1880s. I'm not sure if he'd stay in town and work as a blacksmith. Maybe? If he wanted the distraction? But he also might move away to a little house and just live off the land.

Not sure how Clara would factor in, assuming she'd return to town to find Doc after getting off her train. I don't know if Doc would push her away, wanting to be totally alone in his misery or if he would cling to her.

Doc would be dealing with a lot of guilt. He'd decide that he was responsible for Marty's death. After all, he'd made the decision to stay in the saloon all night, and Marty had to then track him down. Then he'd taken that shot and passed out, costing them valuable time they could have otherwise used to be well on their way to the train. They could have avoided Buford altogether if it weren't for him, Doc would conclude, and in his mind, he'd essentially forced Marty to have to face the man.

Doc might eventually settle into a routine and go about living his life, but I don't know that he'd ever recover from the crushing guilt he'd feel. Losing Marty would shatter him. Marty was the first person to reach out to him, even with all the rumors and disdain other residents of the town threw his way. Marty liked and accepted him for who he was, something no one else had ever truly done. Marty brought so much good into his life, and in exchange, Doc had done all he could to be there for and protect his young friend--to help him see his own potential. But he couldn't protect Marty, and that failure would hurt more deeply than every other one combined.

Basically, I think that Doc would just lose part of himself after losing Marty. Even if he married Clara and had Jules and Verne and ended up with a nice life, he'd always feel the absence of his friend. He wouldn't ever fully be "Doc" again--more of a subdued, more serious version of himself.

I could see him holding it together for the most part, being a family man, all that stuff. But then he'd have moments where he'd find himself alone and just fall apart. And just to make things extra sad for anyone who's read this far, I imagine Doc taking very frequent trips to wherever Marty is buried, laying a few flowers down, and staying there for hours, crying, praying, talking to himself, or just sitting in silence.

Well. Anyway.

Thanks for the ask?

#back to the future #bttf #marty mcfly #doc brown #asks #anon you said you would regret your ask and I want to know if you do lol

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fourth-dimensional-thinker · 3 years

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Part Two edition of the Jen and Clara role reversal AU! Also, I think I figured out how to make Part Two actually make more sense. Keeping this under a cut, because this got really long, oops.

- So this time, Marty’s going to join the party

- Marty is still the original, pre-time travel Marty

- He doesn’t own a truck and the the Rolls-Royce incident could never happen

- Also, this Marty is Doc-less, I’d image his confidence would be much lower

- So, I want Jennifer and Marty to go on their little camping trip (they found an alternate way to get there since George’s car is still wrecked)

- They get to have a cute couple moment before the chaos kicks in

- Jennifer’s all happy about her relationship with Marty before Clara returns to announce that Jen’s future is a mess

- Marty gets dragged into this and they’re off to 2015

- They would probably arrive more than five minutes earlier then when the incident started, so they would have a little bit of time to prepare

- Also, Clara’s better with kids, so Marty gets to be conscious the entire time (he’s also needed for the plan)

- Things go down similarly (sports almanac and hoverboard included) and Griff’s gang is going to jail

- They fixed the problem Clara brought them there to solve, and it’s time to go back home

- Biff doesn’t get a chance to do anything, since Clara rounds everyone up after the newspaper headline changes, and no one’s getting stopped by the police

- Except, there’s a slight malfunction with the time circuits, and they end up in November 12th, 1955 (because of course they do) instead of back in 1985

- After everyone gets out of the DeLorean, three discoveries are made after everyone does some inspections and digging through their supplies:

1. The DeLorean obviously needs repairs

2. Marty has the sports almanac

3. Clara has a copy of future Marty and Jennifer’s divorce papers, which means their kids being arrested was just the tip of the iceberg of their future problems

- Despite all the questions, Clara’s first priority is to get them out of 1955

- She sends Jennifer and Marty to town on a fetch quest to get materials to repair the DeLorean

- However, they have to be on the lookout for ‘55 Clara, who’s just moved to California

- Things are awkward and tense between Marty and Jennifer during this entire time

- Marty is also instructed to get rid of the almanac, so he just throws it in the trash

- Once they return, Clara starts the repairs, but tells the two to go back into town, find almanac, and burn it, so that it’s completely useless

- So when they go back to the trash can, guess who has it?

- (Yes, it’s Biff)

- They spend some time following Biff around while talking about their future

- They manage to unpack a few things with communication

- However, they keep getting distracted by their discussion and keep losing Biff

- Which leads them to the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance

- Unfortunately, there’s only one Marty present this time, so the stakes are less high

- The whole thing's just so weird for Marty, and Jennifer has to keep reminding him to stop staring at his teenage parents

- Honestly, since Biff has never met these two in this version and doesn’t want to beat them up, they can just like, sneakily steal it back from him

- (Look, I’m not good with action, I am however, good with emotions)

- So after they find a way to burn the almanac, they run/ walk back to the DeLorean in the rain

- On their way back, they one more hear-to-heart conversation about each other

- Maybe it’s just the day they’ve just had, but both of them are feeling better about the future now

- After they return in 1985, their divorce papers have vanished

- (The two possibilities are that Jennifer and Marty don’t get married or that they did and have a happy one. It is up for you to decide)

#bttf #Jennifer Parker #Clara Clayton #A good chunk of this came to me while I was trying to fall asleep #so I had to write it down before I forgot about it #so I apologize if there's any grammar errors in here #I need to work on pacing myself #I will elaborate on the details if anyone asks

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elijahwrites · 4 years

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The Back to the Future Trilogy

Back to the Future Trilogy posters. ←

The Back to the Future trilogy is a great trilogy, like Lord of the Rings, but like any trilogy, it has its flaws and its good points. I am here to give my opinion on the good and bad on Back to the Future Part I, II, and III.

Doc Brown and Marty McFly in amazement after seeing the time traveling DeLorean. ←

Part I

Enter a room with tons of clocks and machines. A bowl with dog food with the name “Einstein”. A boy comes in. He connects his guitar to a huge speaker. The moment the sound begins, he is blown back into a bookcase. This whole scene is how the movie begins.

Back to the Future is about Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) who travels back in time by mistake when his scientist friend Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) is killed by terrorists because Doc stole plutonium from them. Marty and Doc were working on a time travel machine and Marty ends up in 1955. His mom ends up falling in love with him, which if he does not reverse will cause him, his brother and sister to never be born. He also has to find a way to travel back home to 1985. This recurring them of Doc and Marty having to go through time to fix something they botched repeats throughout the series.

George McFly, Lorraine Baines and Marty McFly (aka Calvin Klein) at The Enchantment Under the Sea dance. ←

The movie is great, but in both Part I and Part II, there isn't much respect for the women in the movie. I hate Biff (Thomas F. Wilson). He is a Class A, complete, and absolute jerkface. He’s the kind of person you’d want to avoid in middle and high school.

George McFly (Crispin Glover) is a coward throughout most of the movie, but when he gets the courage to punch Biff, it’s a great moment for his character.

One of the main things I find funny during the movie is when Marty plays his guitar in 1955 and no one, and I mean NO ONE knows what he’s playing. All of their faces are like “What?!” Doc is hilarious throughout the movie. He’s the kind of guy who’s very smart, but still comedic.

They just didn’t get his guitar playing lol. ←

Near the end of the movie, I am shown a student trying to force Lorraine Baines (Lea Thompson) to dance with him, but with his “newfound courage”, George takes her back, which got on my nerves, because they were objectifying her. Up until Part III, women were not treated kindly.

The end of the movie has Doc say “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” I think that the movie itself is good, but it does have some flaws.

Marty and the Time Machine in 2015 from Back to the Future 2.←

Part II

According to Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale, they got 2015 about 50% right. Not hoverboards, of course. Anyways, Part II started where Part I ended, with Doc’s famous quote, “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” The movie is in three timelines. 2015, Post Apocalyptic 1985*, and 1955.

When Jennifer is asking too many questions about her and Marty's future, Doc uses a device to make her unconscious, being a scene where women are mistreated. I think she was curious about what the future was like, and even if it would bend time and reality, that didn’t give Doc the right to make her pass out.

*It’s not like that literally, it just feels like it.

Hoverboard! ←

In 2015, we had iPhones and Wii U’s, not hoverboards and food dispensers. BTTF2 might have gotten 50% of 2015 right, but half isn’t that close. In 1985, when they return, Marty’s family isn’t home, Biff is rich and runs the town, he married Lorraine somehow, Doc was declared crazy, and Marty’s dad is dead. This goes to show that (unless time travel isn’t invented) one little thing can have a huge effect. After realizing that 2015 Biff stole an almanac from 2015 with all sports events from 1950 to 2000, and gave it to 1955 Biff, then Doc and Marty have to go back time.

Griff Tannen with his gang. ←

Unfortunately, going to 2015 would make the events of 1985 ripple into 2015, meaning they need to go to 1955. The dynamic duo of Doc and Marty retrieve the Almanac and destroy it, but the DeLorean is struck by lightning, somehow sending Doc to 1885. Marty goes to 1955 Doc, and after Marty says ‘I’m back FROM the future”, 1955 Doc passes out, ending the second part of the trilogy.

Time Machine in 1885, from Back to the Future 3. ←

Part III

The third and final part of the BTTF trilogy is my favorite part of the series. I didn’t know much about Western movies, and had only seen a glimpse of a western during an episode of Ultimate Spider-Man (Great show, by the way!). The movie is great. It really was a non-stop thrill ride. I think that of all of the Tannens shown throughout the trilogy, Buford ”Mad Dog” Tannen is the worst. He is a very cruel person, and had Marty not made the decision to go back to 1885 to save 1985 Doc’s life, he would feel guilty about it for the rest of his (fictional) life.

Marty faces off with Buford. ←

One of my favorite parts involves the fight between Buford and Marty. Marty knows Buford is obviously going to shoot him, so he put on a metal plate and then punched Buford hard a few times. Then Buford fell into manure, a.k.a., POOP! Honestly, that’s one of (in my opinion) the funniest scenes, although it happened to 1955 Biff and his cronies in 1955.

One of the main characters, Clara, isn’t used as a plot device, and isn’t just there to be there. She has an impact on the events, and has feelings. Although she doesn't believe Doc when he says he’s from the future and he has to go, she has the right to be angry, although she came back for him when she found out how sad he was. I like that they made Clara an important person in Part III. It shows that they understood that women shouldn’t be used as plot devices.

Doc and Clara’s Time Train in 1985. ←

When Marty goes back to 1985 with the DeLorean, it is destroyed shortly after. Doc spends an unknown amount of time in 1885, and returns in the “Time Train”, which ends the movie similar to Part I, ending the trilogy.

Back to the Future: Tales from the Time Train, Issues 1-3. ←

What’s Next For Back To The Future?

Although there probably isn’t going to be a Back To The Future IV/4, the closest thing we have is the IDW Comics series, Back to the Future: Tales from the Time Train which shows what happens to Doc and his family after Part III, which, although I haven’t read it, I bet will be good.

Time Machine Time Circuits. ←

Was it good?

I think that the women in Part I and II could have bigger roles, but I like that in Part III they gave Clara a bigger role in the story. I also like the idea of different timelines with different versions of people. Overall I think trilogy is pretty good.

Fin.

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #123 - Back to the Future Part III

Spoilers below.

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes!

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #385.

Format: Blu-ray

1) I like really enjoy this film and I don’t know why. In some ways it is my favorite of the trilogy (but not really, the first one is my favorite). There are just so many things I love about it. The Western genre, the greater emphasis we get on Doc, Thomas F. Wilson as Mad Dog, there are just a lot of things about this film that really work for me on a base level. Outside of the original, this is the one I watch most of the trilogy.

2) Universal decided to unveil a new logo at the start of this film because 1) it was the studio’s 75th anniversary and 2) this was their most popular series at the time. It is the rare occasion when a logo actually adds to the weight of a film, as it feels more magical and we have a greater sense of time than we did with past logos.

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3) Because the last film ended with the climax of the first film, and because this film’s opening scene was the ending of the last film (kudos if any of that made sense to you), this means that the end of the clock tower scene is the only sequence to appear in all three Back to the Future films.

4) The film’s opening theme actually introduces a new love theme from composer Alan Silvestri. A lighter melody which reoccurs throughout the film which I always tied to Doc and Clara’s relationship. But in hindsight it could just as easily be used to relate Doc and Marty’s friendship.

5) I mentioned in my post about Back to the Future Part II that the sequels play with the idea of history repeating itself by recreating scenes from the original in new circumstances. This trend continues in Part III immediately when Doc doesn’t believe that Marty actually came back FROM the future and refers to him as, “future boy,” only for Marty to talk to Doc through a locked door and convince him otherwise.

6) Doc reading the letter his future self wrote to Marty from 1885 is great. We get to see a lot of fun from 1955 Doc in reacting to ideas like the flying Delorean and briefly thinking that, “Einstein,” was someone other than his own future dog. Also it makes both Doc & Marty tear up. I’m all for tearful bromances.

7) As I mentioned before, this film does succeed in some nice emphasis on Doc’s character. Before he was a funny enthusiastic scientist and we didn’t get MUCH of his backstory, but here we get nice little details which flesh out his character more. Notably, his love for Jules Verne inspiring his desires to be a scientist. We also learn that he LOVED the Old West and as a kid he wanted to be a cowboy. That’s such a fun idea!

Marty [after finding a picture of his great-great-grandfather Seamus McFly, also played by Michael J. Fox]: “That’s him. Good looking guy.”

9) So Doc is about to send Marty into the old west dressed as a “cowboy” and Marty points out he never saw Clint Eastwood dress like this.

Doc: “Clint who?”

Marty [looking at the movie posters]: “That’s right. You haven’t heard of him yet.”

The movies featured at the drive-in - Revenge of the Creature and Tarantula -both actually feature a young Clint Eastwood in them!

10) According to IMDb:

The drive-in theater was constructed specifically for this film. It was built in Monument Valley, and demolished immediately after filming. No films were ever screened there.

I would have LOVED to go to that drive in. Like that would be a must see destination for sure.

11) This is a nice callback to the original:

1955 Doc (telling Marty about how he’ll have to drive through the desert): “Remember where you’re going there are no roads!”

12) The gag with the Native Americans is pretty clever. For those of you who haven’t seen the film: Marty is concerned about running into the drive in wall with the Native Americans on it but is concerned he’ll hit them, but Doc points out he’ll travel back in time when there was no wall. Except when he travels back in time, there’s a group of (possibly stereotypical) Native Americans charging right at him (because they’re being chased by the cavalry).

13) Michael J. Fox as William McFly.

Fox continues his excellence of acting out multiple characters from the first film with his performance as Marty’s ancestor Seamus. He plays it totally different than he does Marty. Quieter, kinder, a little less brash, and with a killer Irish accent. Like his acting in the previous film, you never feel like you’re watching Fox play against Fox. They’re two totally different characters and he does well to show that.

14) Not only does this film play well with preexisting gags, but it also adds to them.

Marty: I had this horrible nightmare. Dreamed I w-... dreamed I was in a western. And I was being chased by all these Indians... and a bear.

Maggie McFly: Well... you're safe and sound here, now, at the McFly farm.

Marty: McFly farm? (Marty jolts out of bed to see Maggie) Why, you're my, you're my, my...(realizes he’s never actually met this woman in his whole life, as opposed to all the times he’s done this with his mom.) Who are you?

15) Just as Fox plays Seamus well, Lea Thompson does a great job as Maggie McFly.

Maggie is so different from Lorraine or...huh, I guess she’s only played different versions of Lorraine before. But she’s a little fiercer, being an immigrant at all, is able to hold her own with her husband, and again the Irish accent is great! I very much enjoy Maggie.

16) Robert Zemeckis directed Who Framed Roger Rabbit before the two Back to the Future sequels...

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17) Think about this: we have seen seven full generations of Marty’s family.

His great great grandparents, Seamus and Maggie.

His great grandfather, William (as a baby).

His grandparents, Sam and Stella (in the original film)

His parents and his mother’s siblings (in the original film)

His parents.

Him and his siblings.

His children.

That gets to an excellent point about this series: it’s not about random time travel, it’s very much about family and the relationships we form between blood and friends. The fact that we meet seven generations of one kid’s family I think illustrates that perfectly.

18) Marty wandering through town illustrates how he wanders through town in the earlier films, giving us some nice throwbacks/foreshadowing (I don’t know which it is in a time travel movie) when we see A. Jones Manure Company.

19) The three bar patrons:

Dub Taylor, Harrey Carey. Jr., and Pat Buttram made careers out of playing sidekicks, town drunks, and colorful townsfolk in hundreds of westerns and television shows. Buttram in particular provided memorable voice over work in The Fox & The Hound as Chief and Disney’s Robin Hood as the Sheriff of Nottingham.

20) Bufford ‘Mad Dog’ Tannen.

This was Thomas F. Wilson’s favorite film to shoot out of the Back to the Future trilogy because he got to be a cowboy pretty much. Wilson is truly underrated throughout this film. In so many ways Mad Dog is a wildly different character from Biff and Griff. He’s more of a classic thug, he feels like he’s straight out of an old western and Wilson is chameleonic in the part. You don’t see Biff or Griff or any of other Wilson’s work, you just see Mad Dog and I will forever shout to the heavens that Thomas F. Wilson does not get enough credit for his work in this film.

21) These films really lucked out in their pop culture references. From the original we’ve had references to films, TV and music which have stood the test of time. These include Star Wars, “Star Trek”, Jaws, and - in this film - Clint Eastwood and Michael Jackson. Marty’s Michael Jackson dance when Mad Dog asks him to Dance is great!

22) In each film Marty pisses off a Tannen family member in a place to drink and is chased through town by him and his gang. This film is a bit more serious with that idea, as Mad Dog and his crew ride their horses and practically hogtie and lynch Marty. It’s the one time the town chase has not ended with Marty coming up on top, needing Doc’s sharpshooting to save his life. According to IMDb:

Thomas F. Wilson who plays Buford Tannen, performed all his horse riding stunts himself. He also did the trick where he lassoes Marty just before we meet the 1885 Doc.

When "Mad Dog" tried to lynch Marty, Michael J. Fox was accidentally hanged, rendering him unconscious for a short time. He records this in his autobiography "Lucky Man" (2002).

23) I never knew how amazing Doc Brown as a badass gunslinger would be until I saw this film.

24) It’s interesting to note that Doc does not remember helping Marty get to the Old West when he did so thirty years earlier. My working theory is this: we know that Doc hit his head a lot, so I’m guessing at some point he just banged himself up so much he forgot his own future in the Old West.

25) The Mayor in Part III was a part which was offered to Ronald Reagan after his presidency, as he was a fan of the original film. He ended up turning it down.

26) The whole idea of an act committed by Marty and Doc changes the name of Clayton Ravine to Shonash Ravine then to Eastwood Ravine is basically a more obvious version of the Twin Pines/Lone Pine Mall joke in the first film.

27) Clara Clayton.

With the exception of Lorraine, the Back to the Future films don’t exactly excel at representing female characters (they literally left Jennifer on the porch in the middle of the last film and she won’t show up again until the end of this film). Mary Steenburgen as Clara Clayton is a nice change of pace for that. Although largely introduced as a love interest for Doc Brown, she is developed into an interesting character to match Doc’s. She has the same love for Jules Verne and science as he does (a rarity in the Old West), she’s able to fend for herself around Bufford Tannen, but she and Doc also connect on a really fascinating level. Even though they just met, the chemistry between Lloyd and Steenburgen make you really believe that these two love each other (the scene where Doc agrees to fix her telescope is so cute!). I love Mary Steenburgen in this film, and she’s a worthy addition to the trilogy.

28) With the extension of the story to a trilogy, we get to see when the famous Hill Valley clock starts clicking in 1885 (in Part III) and when it stops clicking in 1955 (in the original film). Thinking it through, you can figure out exactly how long the clock ran. The clock in the clock tower started running at 8:00 p.m. on September 5, 1885 (the date is provided by the caption on the photograph Doc gives Marty at the end of the movie). The lightning strikes the clock tower at 10:04 p.m. on November 12, 1955. This means that the clock tower operated for exactly 70 years, 2 months, 7 days, 2 hours, and 4 minutes.

29) Much like how Huey Lewis made a cameo in the original film, ZZ Top (who sings the song “Doubleback” which plays during the credits) cameos as the 1885 town bad during the dance.

According to IMDb:

According to the book "Billy Gibbons: Rock & Roll Gearhead", ZZ Top was hanging around the set and was asked to be the town band. During one take, the camera broke. While waiting for the camera to be repaired, Michael J. Fox asked if they would play "Hey Good Lookin'" which they did. Afterwards, more requests were played. Two hours later, someone inquired if the camera had been repaired. Robert Zemeckis replied that it had been fixed for quite a while, he just didn't want to stop the party that had evolved.

Also the song they’re playing is an acoustic version of “Doubleback” from the film.

30) I’m sharing this largely for the first 22 seconds.

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After watching the modern “Doctor Who” series I immediately think of this:

You Whovians get me.

31) I’ve seen this film probably around ten times (maybe eleven now) but this was the first time that the actor playing the Colt salesman looked familiar to me.

Well that’s because the last time I watched this film and my most recent viewing I’d see Blazing Saddles twice and, well...

32) And of course this has to continue because it wasn’t resolved in Part II:

Mad Dog [to Marty]: “You yella?”

Again, I don’t have an issue with this as much as other people do, but it’s hardly my favorite aspect of the trilogy.

33) This part makes me laugh every time:

Mad Dog: Then let's finish it, right now!

Gang Member #1: Uh, not now, Buford. Uh, Marshal's got our guns.

Mad Dog: Like I said, we'll finish this tomorrow.

Gang Member #2: Tomorrow, we're robbin' the Pine City Stage.

Mad Dog: What about Monday? Are we doin' anything Monday?

Gang Member #1: Uh, no, Monday'd be fine. You can kill him on Monday.

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: I'll be back this way on Monday!

34) Doc and Clara stargazing melts my cynical heart.

(GIF sources unknown [if these are your GIFs please let me know].)

35) The only time in the entire trilogy when the catchphrases are flipped!

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

And I laugh every time.

36) It is a truly fascinating scene to watch when Doc tells Marty he wants to stay in 1885, but Marty knows Doc so well he is able to pretty easily convince him otherwise (mainly by appealing to the scientist in him). It shows just how great a friendship these two have.

37) You know what I never got: why does Doc not want to take Clara with them to 1985?

SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD ANYWAY!!!!

38) My heart breaks every time Doc tries to tell Clara the truth about himself, and each time I watch this film there’s a part of me that thinks it won’t happen this time. I’m always wrong.

(GIF originally posted by @whatshouldwecallme)

39) This fucking scene:

Doc [after a traveling salesman tells him you never know what the future holds]: “Oh...the future. I can tell you about the future.”

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(Feel free to stop watching after 1:44)

40) I’m starting to realize this film has some of my favorite gags in the whole trilogy.

Marty [after Doc faints after taking a shot]: “How many did he have?”

Bartender: “Just one.”

Marty: “‘Just one’?”

Bartender: “Now there’s a man who can’t hold his liquor.”

41) Marty realizing what we all should when dealing with someone like Tannen:

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

42) If I didn’t ship these two enough, just listen to how Clara describes Doc:

Clara [asking about Doc]: “Was this man tall, with great big brown puppy dog eyes and long silvery flowing hair?”

I love it!

43) Originally Mad Dog Tannen (after falling in manure) was arrested for killing Marshal Strickland and this was said by the deputy. However, this scene was deleted as the filmmaker decided it was too dark. They pointed out the fact that no one dies and stays dead in the Back to the Future films. Hence the re-dub.

44) When Doc blows the train whistle he gleefully exclaims, “I’ve wanted to do that all my life!” This sentiment would be repeated by the main character in 2004′s The Polar Express, also directed by Robert Zemeckis.

45) The entire climax with the train - while no Clock Tower scene from the original - is a great ride! It keeps the film’s standard for exciting and well done action in check while also feeding in incredibly into the western genre. It’s just a lot of fun!

46) This moment:

(GIFs originally posted by @gif-weenus)

HIS FACE! HE’S JUST SO HAPPY AND I LOVE IT! YES!!!!

47) It’s so sad when we think that Marty will never see Doc again because the Delorean is destroyed. Thank god for time travel.

48) Needles looks like a moron. Did people really dress this way in 1985?

49) In the last film it was established that Marty got into a car accident with a Rolls Royce after being called chicken, a decision which sent his life spinning down the toilet. This time we see the scene itself and while Marty decides not to race Needles (and in doing so he avoids the accident), because of time travel something is different this time:

JENNIFER IS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OF THE CAR! JENNIFER WOULD’VE FREAKING DIED!

That could’ve been very bad for Marty.

50) I have a lot of fan theories in my head that fill up a lot of plot holes, but one thing I can’t figure out is how did Doc get the barriers to the railroad to drop before he traveled back in the time train to meet Marty & Jennifer?

51) Jules & Verne.

If you watch carefully, you can see the younger of the two - Verne - doing random stuff with his hands during the wide-shot. That’s because a crew member was in charge of doing things with his hands that the child actor would mirror, mainly with petting the dog. But when the crew member started gesturing for someone to come by them Verne continued mirroring him. And it’s in the final film.

52) This is a great closing message for the entire trilogy.

I love Back to the Future Part III. I love all the Back to the Future movies honestly, but something about Part III just really does it for me. I love the Western setting, I love the emphasis on Doc, I think Lloyd and Wilson get to really shine, and Clara is such a wonderful addition to the story. It’s just a really great way to close out one of the best film trilogies in movie history! So go watch it! Not just this film, the whole trilogy. You won’t be sorry.

#Back to the Future #Back to the Future Part III #Christopher Lloyd #Michael J Fox #Mary Steenburgen #Thomas F Wilson #Lea Thompson #Robert Zemeckis #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF

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adambstingus · 5 years

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7 Dumb Back To The Future Products You Won’t Believe Existed

A good 80 percent of Cracked’s content is devoted to peeling back the kaleidoscopic layers of WTF-ness contained within Back To The Future, but this article isn’t about that. Nope, this is about an even more ridiculous topic: the many confounding ways people tried to squeeze big bucks out of the Back To The Future flicks.

This ordinary tale of a time-travelling eccentric and his pet teenager has spawned such baffling shit as …

#7. The Back To The Future Cartoon Was A Fucking Crazy Parade

As we’ve mentioned before on the site, Doc Brown’s character-concluding decision to father children with a historically dead woman and blast through time in a screeching lightning train was reckless at best. And so it’s only natural that the 1991 Back To The Future TV show would follow the horrific mishaps of this family, sandwiched with live-action science demonstrations by Christopher Lloyd and an oddly mute Bill Nye.

They’re like the Penn and Teller of mad science.

But despite its audience of the young and curious, an average episode of Back To The Future: The Animated Series played out like Rick And Morty episodes Adult Swim rejected for being too bleak. Don’t believe us? The pilot for the series starts with Doc’s younger son Verne stealing the time machine and traveling to the Civil War … followed by Doc finding a photo revealing that little Verne died for the Confederate Army.

“But hey, it says here that the Alabama chapter of the KKK is named in his honor.”

Doc eventually prevents this by creating a truce between Verne’s Confederate pals and the Union, and the gang happily flies home like they didn’t just irrevocably alter the outcome of a Civil War battle. That’s basically the story of the series, as Doc, Marty, and Doc’s kids manhandle historical moments while Doc’s wife Clara waits back home with sandwiches.

In the third goddamn episode, Doc brings his kids to the very moment the dinosaurs are wiped out by a meteor, saving the group by hastily stopping the comet and changing the future into a lizard-ruled wasteland. (One of said lizards looks like Biff, implying that a Tannen once fucked a dinosaur.)

This means that Doc is forced to go back and kill the dinosaurs himself, re-altering his actions so that the meteor gets back on a collision course with Earth … but not before one of his kids befriends a scared pterodactyl. So how does Doc handle this unfortunate attachment? Obviously, the rest of the series would involve the group goofing around with their adopted dino friend. I mean, otherwise, he’d have to …

… tear his son from the sobbing grasp of a doomed animal …

… stuff him into the time machine and fly away …

This also serves as the official series finale for The Flintstones.

… and watch as the comet tears through the atmosphere and vaporizes the boy’s dinosaur pal. That’s seriously what happens in the special “watch all the dinosaurs die” episode of this nightmare series. Happy Saturday morning, assholes!

#6. A Japanese Video Game Made BTTF 2 Into Crazy-Ass Anime

Anyone who played the early Back To The Future Nintendo games knows that whoever made them clearly didn’t bother to see the movies. Either that, or Back To The Future Part III cut a scene in which Marty ingests a crazy amount of peyote and starts seeing mutant cow men everywhere.

Presumably named “Beef Tannen.”

The Japan-only Back To The Future Part II Super Famicom game, on the other hand, tried to follow the plot of movie … and somehow ended up being even weirder. You control Marty, who spends the entire time on his hoverboard — because, realistically speaking, if you owned a hoverboard, why the fuck would you ever not be flying around on it?

The game starts on a grimly prescient note, with trigger-happy 2015 cops shooting at Marty for no apparent reason.

When we reach the alternate 1985, Marty goes around fighting disoriented crackheads, mistaking their agonized gasps for taunting chicken noises. Marty then discovers his murdered father’s tombstone, and he … seems pretty copacetic with this development, all things considered.

Doc, on the other hand, turns into an angry pink Gollum.

If you’ve ever wanted to see these iconic moments reimagined as demented Sailor Moon episodes, you’re in luck. When Marty discovers the 1950s girlie mag instead of the sports almanac, the mere sight of boobs gives him a stroke.

Which is weird, because this is after meeting his mother’s gargantuan dystopian breasts. Marty’s perma-smirk in that scene is somehow even creepier than when he was standing at his dead dad’s grave.

Also, why are they in the Technodrome?

By the time Biff seemingly vampire-bites the almanac away from Marty and gets covered in a sea of 16-bit horseshit, you’ll probably never see Back To The Future the same way ever again.

“I won’t close my mouth. I deserve this.”

And speaking of which …

#5. A Hot Wheels Biff Car … Complete With Manure

There aren’t a ton of Back To The Future toys, but the ones that do exist are mostly DeLorean-based. There’s a DeLorean Lego set, a remote-control DeLorean, and even a Power-Wheels-esque DeLorean for ’80s kids whose parents wanted them to explore their confused Oedipal feelings outside the house.

Sadly, this kid was easily taken out by Libyan terrorists.

So it’s only natural that the DeLorean be adopted by stalwart toy car company Hot Wheels. Recently, the company decided to expand their Back To The Future line to include not only Doc’s DeLorean …

Oh, sorry. Doc’s “Time Machine of Indeterminate Brand.”

And Marty’s sweet 4×4 …

“Complete with two coats of wax and Fat Biff’s tears!”

And even Biff Tannen’s Ford Super Deluxe Converti– oh, shit.

You can get a non-poopy version for an extra $300.

Yes, they produced a beautiful classic automobile overflowing with rancid manure, as seen in that scene and that other scene and that variation of the scene. It looks like an amusing Internet Photoshop job, but it’s a real toy which you could go buy right now … or, you know, make at home yourself with a toy car and some laxatives.

Couldn’t Hot Wheels have mass-produced Doc’s hover-train? Or one of those kickass police cars from 2015? Nope. Instead, we get the shit-encrusted rapemobile. Think of all the ways kids could play with this. “Oh no, Biff’s car got covered in manure … again …” Assuming your kid even knows what Back To The Future is, how are they supposed to integrate Biff’s car with their other Hot Wheels products?

“Yes! The race is delayed due to track turds!”

#4. ZZ Top Turns All The Characters Into Ogling Creeps

Along with “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis and the News wrote “Back In Time,” the surprisingly engaged recounting of the events of Back To The Future from Marty’s perspective. Sadly, we were less lucky with ZZ Top’s “Doubleback,” a jabbering spray of temporally-themed rhymes in no way related to the third film.

The one band you’d think you could trust to hitch their beer-drinking, hell-raising wagon to Wake-Up Juice, but noooooo.

Now, “Doubleback” is a fucking abomination, an artistic charley horse clearly farted out 12 minutes from the studio call time. But then there’s the music video, which superimposes the band into random clips from the movie in such a disjointed, cookie cutter way that it comes alive like a serial killer’s scrapbook.

GOOF: ZZ Top were only teenagers in 1885, so they shouldn’t have beards yet.

It’s everyone’s third-favorite time travel movie, perpetually interrupted with the looming presence of three guys who look like the personification of bathroom assault. By the end, they’re literally sticking their faces over the action so that we don’t forget to be bummed out by their existence.

We’re all for them supplanting Marty’s mom in this scene to make it less creepy, though.

But the weird stuff begins when this monochromatic onslaught changes the movie’s finale to include a pimped-out ride randomly rolling into Marty’s standoff with Mad Dog Tannen …

… and releasing three jean-short bombshells of various ’90s fabric patterns and foxy accessories, to which the movie’s characters react with stock disbelief appropriated from the original scene.

OK, we have to admit that these guys clean up nicely when they shave.

That’s right — Doc reacting to Marty’s fakeout death is the same expression as his boner face. Or maybe he’s wondering how a Cadillac Sedanette went back in time without a bunch of nonsense sticking out of its hood. Either way: boner.

#3. Pizza Hut’s Back To The Future Ads Are Rather Sad In Retrospect

Having the ability to engorge on a puck of meat and cheese has been every child’s dream since Marty’s mom hydrated a Pizza Hut pizza in Back To The Future II.

The most fantastic concept here is a 2015 pizza without a gimmicky crust.

So delicious. At least, if you ignore the fact that eating a waterlogged dough slice sounds like a fucking nightmare, and that the Pizza Hut of this future solely makes the equivalent of microwave meals. In fairness, the brand’s own advertising campaign had a slightly different take on their role in the future:

Their kinder, gentler take on Robocop was probably their lamest (and most inaccurate) prediction of all.

According to one 1989 commercial, the Pizza Huts of 2015 are built like techno mosques. It makes sense in the context of the ad, which begins with two unknown ruffians taking the DeLorean out for a spin, presumably after swiping the keys from Doc Brown’s ransacked corpse.

To save you 15 minutes on IMDb: It’s Mikey from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

The ne’er-do-wells zoom to 2015, where, to the sad grumbles of their stomachs, they find the streets barren of any pizza eateries, as Domino’s has long been converted into a hardware chain. Luckily, there’s still one place in business, and it’s the all-hail Pizza Hut temple.

The Noid was executed after a show trial in ’94.

It’s unclear why a restaurant that makes cookie-sized products needs multiple neon spires, but it probably has to do with the announcer’s assertion that, even in the future, Pizza Hut is the “only one place to get a great pizza.” The fact that Pizza Hut was envisioning an all-exclusive Demolition Man scenario with their brand is made that much more heartbreaking by the company’s actual 2015 situation:

Also depressing: the current state of journalism, since no one realized this graphic should be a pie chart.

Turns out that all the movie projector pizza boxes and eye-tracking tablet menus in the world can’t get us to that Utopian Italian palace where dressing like it’s the ’80s is still hip and (according to another tie-in ad) absolutely everyone wears futuristic solar shades.

The nuclear fallout has melted all of our eyes by now.

#2. Doc Brown Teamed Up With Doogie Howser For Earth Day

Back in 1990, people were really committed to saving the environment … as long as the extent of that commitment was appearing in some kind of extravagant TV special instead of cutting back on fossil fuels. Regardless, this newly-discovered sense of eco-awareness led to one of the craziest moments in pop culture: The Earth Day Special.

The special starred a slew of wacky creatures, like the Muppets and Danny DeVito and E.T., who looks to have been living in a filthy alley since the events of his film.

He’ll touch you with his “magic finger” for $5 and some Reese’s Pieces.

Since this was the year that Back To The Future Part III came out, Doc Brown naturally joined the cross-promotional fray. Who better to promote environmental activism than a guy who hoards large quantities of plutonium in a garage in a residential neighborhood?

The loose plot of the special is about the personification of Mother Earth dying. Doc Brown shows up in his DeLorean and offers his assistance to the doctor in charge of healing Mrs. Earth — who, because this was 1990, is Doogie Fucking Howser.

“Not even Edward James Olmos’ mustache could revive her.” “We’re doomed.”

Doc whips out his suitcase TV and shows them footage of how screwed over the Earth is, which is kind of a dick move, considering how she’s right over there. It doesn’t help that the clips are seemingly stock footage pretentiously edited together by first-year film students.

“What are those ladies doing with that cup …?” “Whoops, wrong year.”

As always, Doc ends up finding the solution: science! Not any specific science but, like, the act of reading and shit. Look, it was 6 a.m. and someone wanted to finish that goddamn children’s TV show script already.

#1. The Back To The Future Novelization Gets Dark

Movie novelizations are generally terrible, but the one for Back To The Future takes it to a whole new level. It’s the Back To The Future of bad literary cash-ins.

“What do you mean it’s not about a kid with a camera who farts fireworks?” — the author, probably

The book opens with a vivid description of a dead family getting bent out of shape by the detonation of a nuclear bomb, which turns out to be a scene from a film Marty is watching. This never comes up again in the book — because the author is too busy thinking up even crazier, tangentially BTTF-related shit. For instance, we get a scene featuring the Libyan terrorists casually hanging out in a shitty motel, which answers the question you always had: Yes, one of them is a psychotic former fashion model.

You can only be told to look “sexy like tiger” so many times before something inside snaps.

And she doesn’t mind offing Doc Brown because he … “looks Jewish.”

Doc goes commando in his jumpsuits in this version.

Even when it’s a scene we recognize from the movie, the author’s prose manages to make everything seem a tiny bit seedier:

Not that “Let’s hire your attempted rapist as our live-in manservant” is any less creepy.

The novel also features the most disturbing context for the phrase “giggled naughtily” in all of fiction:

A parent’s naughty giggling is typically reason #1 Protective Services gives when taking away their child.

The whole book is so bizarre and creepy that it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that it was imported from the shitty alternate 1985. And we’re only scratching the surface here. A whole other book could be written just pointing out all the fucked up moments, page by page. Did we say “could”? We meant “someone on the Internet did exactly that.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181924707857

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allofbeercom · 5 years