#in the sense that they’re struggling to navigate our friendship after they broke up with me

[transmechanicus]

Brb crying on this friday night

[dailytomlinson]

When reflecting on music’s most influential artists, critics tend to use statistics to measure their legacy—whether it’s a band reaching #1 on the charts, multiple sold-out tours, or albums that represent a generation. Those types of accolades and praise are for bands that, typically, exist within rock with a predominantly sizeable male fanbase, like The Rolling Stones or The Beatles. For English-Irish boyband One Direction, who actually broke one of The Beatles biggest achievements by having five Top 10 debut tracks on the Hot 100 compared to The Beatles’ four, have sold out multiple tours and delivered five albums five years in a row, they have not been regarded as much of an influential force in the music industry as they should be.

Today—on July 23rd 2020—the band celebrates ten years since they first became a band, even if five years of that time was during a prolonged indefinite hiatus while each of the members pursued solo ventures. A decade marks ten years of One Direction and, for the fans, ten years of an impactful legacy the band, both together and apart, has had on their lives.

After being thrown together on The X-Factor back in July 2010, the band did more in five years than most bands do in their entire careers; they released five albums and sold more than 6.49 million copies in just America alone, filmed one concert documentary and one tour film, completed multiple world tours, and pursued philanthropic ventures. All of those things didn’t come without a price, though. Zayn Malik left the band in 2014 due to his mental health suffering. The band toured consistently every year with hardly ever having any personal time off, and add in an album release a year, they were extremely overworked.

There’s a belief boy bands have an expiry date, and it’s likely their management felt they needed to get as much out of the band while they believed they were still relevant. It’s likely that fans would’ve stuck around if the members took time between their albums and tours. In 2015, when the hiatus began, people wondered if One Direction really could ever come back and, if they did, would fans still really care about them?

“One Direction was one of the biggest and most successful bands,” said @TheHarryNews, a Twitter fan update account. “They achieved amazing things in the five years they were together, despite being overworked by putting out albums and touring every year, which isn’t normal.”

One specific thread that ties together every fans’ thoughts when they reflect on why they decided to become fans of the boys in the first place is the carefree and loving rapport the band has with one another. We’ve all seen The X Factor video diaries, laughed over their banter during interviews, and watched every live performance they did to look out for cute interactions between our favourite members. In their own unique way, One Direction helped defy traits typically associated with toxic masculinity; they didn’t shy away from their affection for one another and made that known in interviews and concerts. Their friendship set them apart, made them more real, and through them, we made friendships of our own.

When someone seeks out new friends, they go to where they feel safest: the communities of people who love the same things as they do. Social media not only propelled the band to international audiences, but it also helped many fans meet the people they now call their lifelong friends. “They have impacted my life in ways I never thought a ‘boyband’ could,” said Lauren, a fan from Buffalo, NY. “They gave me the best friends I could ever ask for, helped me when I was lost and thought I had no one. They ultimately helped me find myself.”

Social media did more than just help us make friends. It was also a major catalyst for the band’s success, and a large part is due to update accounts on Twitter that were created by fans, for fans. Fan-created update accounts would document every single movement and moment made by the band’s five members, whether it was live-streaming a concert or updating fans on the band’s whereabouts. For @With1DNews, a UK/Canada-based update account, it’s a labour of true love for the band that “glued them together” in the first place. “We found each other through our 1D fan accounts on Twitter,” they said. “We started talking about the boys, then our lives, and quickly became great friends.”

Even though they started the account after the hiatus already began, they still felt like fans needed One Direction news. “We had noticed there weren’t really any active 1D update accounts left and we knew a lot of fellow 1D fans were still interested in seeing news about the boys’ careers and lives. It was also because we missed seeing 1D together and hearing about them together. We thought, why not create this space that connects them even if they’re now all going their own way.”

Update accounts take as much time, effort, and energy as an unpaid second job; it requires those who run them to schedule themselves accordingly to cover certain times of each day to ensure their fellow fans get updated in a timely manner, and they do as much fact-checking and researching that any other traditional news outlet does.

Even if some critics might not consider One Direction an influential force in the music industry, the impact they continue to have on their fans is what has set them apart from every other musical act. In a scene in One Direction’s concert documentary, This Is Us, a fan breathlessly states “I know they love me, even if they don’t know me.” This type of parasocial relationship to a band is something not many understand; it’s a sense of intimacy that doesn’t require either party to actually deeply know one another on a personal level but is still as meaningful and significant as actual relationships.

A connection with the band is even more prevalent for Amy, a Los Angeles based writer and mum of two, because of the impact the band has had on her family is something that isn’t tangible but has been detrimental to her children’s development. “I have a child with physical and neurological disabilities who, prior to One Direction, was completely non-verbal and really struggling to find motivation and happiness amongst all the doctors and therapy appointments,” stated Amy. “They have done more for her development, including indirectly teaching her to speak and sing, than any therapy she’s ever done. Up until we found the boys, everything was trial and error; trying to find what makes sense to her and would, in turn, make the world make sense to her. Who knew the key would be a ‘silly’ boy band?”

Many fans have expressed that the band is their happy place – the only positive light in their life when things got tough. For so many, the band came at a time when they desperately needed something to help them through difficult situations whether that be pressure from school, jobs, peers, or life in general. Watching the ‘Best Song Ever’ music video, or a funny interview felt like a cure to smile and laugh after a long day. “They were what we turned to when we felt overwhelmed in our own lives. Now, we’re adults, and they still bring us as much happiness as they did when we were younger,” says @With1DNews.

Not only that, but the band has also helped fans gain more confidence in themselves. By helping create a space and community for them, fans who may have felt lonely, different, or struggled to find a place they belonged had somewhere to go now. They made friends who accepted them, endless content that felt like a burst of serotonin, and a band of boys who told them through lyrics how great and valuable they are, songs like ‘Through the Dark’, ‘Diana’, and ‘Little Things’. Through the band, One Direction fans created their own safe space to work out and navigate their own identity; a space that is free from outside shame where they could be whoever they wanted to be because the people they loved the most accepted them for exactly who they are.

Despite the safety found in those spaces, others have given those fans different descriptions: Hysterical. Rabid. Extra. ‘Screamers.’ Those are just a few of the many words that have been used to describe female fans of boy bands, both past and present. Although these words carry negative connotations, they imply something more powerful than any naysayer could understand or try to define: the sheer force that comes with unashamedly loving something so deeply, you don’t really care about anyone else’s opinions.

Young female fans are the most supportive, passionate fanbase an artist can have, yet they are the most trivialized and ridiculed both within and outside of the music industry. At the start of their career, music’s most beloved band The Beatles was a boy band that catapulted into fame because of, not despite, their female fans. It wasn’t until male fans noticed the band’s progression into an experimental sound when they decided to embrace the band and deem them worthy of their support after they began playing ‘real’ music.

Even if there are major similarities between The Beatles and One Direction, the latter is still regarded by many to be a manufactured pop boy band with a ‘teenybopper’ fanbase. The members of the band have consistently embraced and validated their predominantly female fanbase; Harry Styles has been consistently vocal about this matter, going so far as to say “Teenage-girl fans — they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you.”

In ‘Girl Almighty’, the fifth track on their fourth album, Four, the band addressed the way their fans have been misjudged and labelled ‘crazy’ because of their passion and not only applauded them for their dedication and love, but bowed down to them as well; “Let’s have another toast to the girl almighty […] I get down on my knees for you.” Not only has One Direction always known who helped them get to where they are today, but they’ve also never shied away from declaring their respect for them, constantly validating their fans’ feelings.

For One Direction’s fans, a decade of the band’s formation represents ten years of a legacy that will continue on, even if the band never formally get back together. For Amy, it doesn’t really matter if they got their start on a TV talent show because it’s the fans that made them and set the band apart from every other boyband. “What we all created together feels so untouchable in regards to boy bands of the past and ones to come. I think people will look back in awe and see what we see; we’ve been so incredibly lucky to have witnessed the magic of One Direction.”

They might not be aware of it, but One Direction was incredible at predicting what was to come in their own music; “Who’s gonna be the first to say goodbye?” / “But it’s not the end, I’ll see your face again” / “We had some good times, didn’t we? We wore our hearts out on our sleeve” / “We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.” In ‘Best Song Ever’, a song that ordinary listeners would not exactly consider overly sentimental or profound, there is one lyric that will always stand out for the fans to represent One Direction’s legacy perfectly: “I hope you’ll remember how we danced.” Ten years later, we haven’t forgotten.

[lady-griffin]

I Entered a Dangerous Dungeon

Acchan’s Story

Acchan’s story was very touching and sad. I thought the anime did a great job adapting her POV chapters concisely into this episode.

I love the scene of Acchan reading Past Katarina’s last text message and breaking down crying.

That got me right in the feels.

One slight criticism, is that in the Light Novel we learn that because of Past Katarina, Acchan has made many friends and is able to live on without her best friend. Because of the positive impact Past Katarina had on her life and how much she changed it for the better. 

So, while in the anime, Acchan does say she will live on without her best-friend, I feel like it doesn’t come across as strongly as it did in the Light Novel.

That being said. I thought Acchan’s story went really well with the flow of the episode.

In LN Vol.2 her POV honestly felt disruptive and broke the flow of the story for me. So definite kudos to the anime for fixing that.

The text message scene got me, but so did Past Katarina’s funeral.

It’s easy to forget, with Katarina’s silliness, density and antics, that she died tragically young in her former life. 

So well done on the anime’s part for hitting me right in the heart with that reminder.

--

Sadness and friendship aside. I like how Fortune Lover appears in Katarina’s Past Life.

The poster on Acchan’s wall gives the impression that Prince Geordo and Prince Alan are the two main love interests or the more primary capture-targets. 

As they are more front and center than Keith and Nicol.

But since this is Katarina’s story, Keith takes precedent over Alan because of his closer proximity and relationship to Katarina.

There’s also something I really like about Past Katarina struggling to succeed in the Prince Geordo route in the game and technically dying because of it. 

It feels like her new life is good karma or the universe trying to make it up to her…so to speak

As in Katarina’s new life she easily wins over Prince Geordo without even trying and by being herself. Hell, she doesn’t even notice that he’s in love with her or that anyone else is. 

I’m probably looking way more into that detail than is actually needed, but I just like that small detail to Katarina and Geordo’s relationship.

The Exam Plot

Sophia want to see Katarina after her sad dream (memories) was very sweet and touching. I just love their friendship and how it has cross time, worlds and lives. It’s beautiful.  

I don’t think the Exam Plot is from the Light Novels (6-9) and it wasn’t in the manga or Light Novels (1-5). 

So, kudos to the Anime for introducing this exam plot and exploring more of the academic life for Katarina and her friends.

I loved their school uniforms for the exam.

It was nice seeing them in the same outfits and they all look pretty damn good in them. 

I don’t know why I really like their uniforms so much, but I really do. I just really do.

As much as I love their day-to-day outfits, I would not be mad if this was their school uniform and what we saw them in for the majority of the time. 

But that’s probably just me. 

Katarina is 100% right about the insanity of this exam.

--

But thanks to this crazy exam we got to see more magic and it was great.

I’ve always felt like the Light Novels and the Manga didn’t elaborate or explore on this being a magical world and the fact that all of our main characters have magic (at least in the First Year/Game Arc). The later novels (3-5) do elaborate a bit further. 

In Fortune Lover, it’s clear that magic was just a mechanic in the game to explain why all these characters were in the same school and a slight twist to making Maria different and special, as well as make Fortune Lover different from other Otome games.

And if I’m not mistakes Katarina even says the same thing about Fortune Lover. 

Fortune Lover gave a limited view of this world. Even when it came to Maria Campbell’s life and background, but the actual Hamefura story explores the world to a much greater extent.

So, it always seemed liked a wasted opportunity not to do the same with magic.

As it never really felt that magic matters for certain characters at all. 

For example in the Light Novels’ Character Profiles -- Sophia is said to have Earth magic and Raphael is said to have Light Magic…

But clearly that doesn’t really matter, because the anime (and maybe manga) can easily change their original types of magic to Wind Magic (I’m assuming it was Raphael who used that wind-tunnel to save Sophia and Katarina). 

HOWEVERE, there does seem to be a mistake in Sophia’s profile as it’s just Katarina’s in regards to her likes, dislikes, etc. 

Sophia’s Profile in Vol.5 (english-translation) is more than likely wrong in regards to her magic. Which might mean Raphael’s magic in his profile is also wrong. 

So, we should take that into consideration. 

My point being that I’m very happy that the anime is taking different route with how it handles magic in comparison to the LN/Manga. 

It’s been a huge improvement.

--

Katarina is so fucking dumb (I love her). 

Not only does she push the red button on the floor without even thinking about it for even a second, but in addition, her contributing to the group with her earth-bump was hilarious and adorable. 

Plus, her picking the most poisonous mushrooms that ever existed was just so stupid and so amazing.  

I also love how both Mary and Sophia are pretty fucking dumb when it comes to Katarina (and really only when it comes to her).

Mary is fully prepared to eat deadly mushrooms as long as Katarina is the one who prepares them and Sophia just hops right on board.

And Sophia was really the only who was genuinely complimenting Katarina for her earth-bump move in the exam. Which is just so sweet and also so dumb.

I love the three of them so goddamn much + Maria being the only one of the girls not willing to the deadly mushrooms. 

While I am a bit disappointed that Katarina’s videogame knowledge wasn’t of any use to her in the exam, I did genuinely love Geordo pushing her towards the the path they decided to take. 

I also enjoyed Alan saving Mary and her slighty blushing and him looking slighty embarassed as well. 

I will say I was disappointed that we only really saw the boys be capable during the exam, not any of the girls. Except for when Sophia helped Nicol locate Katarina…but still.

And of course, Katarina found the magic-stone because she needed a tool to help her gather mushrooms. That’s 100% Katarina. Though, a part of would have prefer it if Katarina was very knowledgable about plants in general and knew that those mushrooms were deadly. (either way it works for me)

And the one councilmember in her head (happy) seeing a lizard as food was fucking fantastic. 

I love the noble girls being jealous of Katarina and talking about her. 

It’s nice seeing them before the big accusation scene happens. Just by showing the noble girls being mad and jealous of Katarina feels more organic to the story.

Plus, Maria noticing the Dark Magic behind Katarina. 

I’m very happy with the past two ‘filler’ episodes building up to the two big climatic scenes and events.

--

The main problem I had with this episode is that - 

The Exam Makes No Sense…

I know that not unusual for anime or plenty of other stories, but the exam really makes no sense.

Aside from one group, basically everyone else is basically set up to fail. Right?

If you find the magic stone than you pass. If you don’t find the (one) magic stone, then you fail. 

The exam isn’t really testing what they’ve learned or improved upon. 

It’s more based on luck and the amount of magical power one has. 

Which seems unfair, as we know that a good portion of the magic population is closer to Katarina’s level of power than Keith’s, at least in LN, but maybe it’s different in the anime (or maybe I read the LN wrong).

I guess it’s possible that even though the team that finds the magic stone automatically passes, the other teams can pass based on how they navigated through the ruins...maybe. That would make more sense.

Though, it’s very possible that Alan, Mary, and Maria didn’t pass the practical exam because they weren’t on Katarina’s team.

And while I doubt that will be addressed later in the anime - If Alan, Mary and Maria actually failed the practical exam then that would be a great reason for why they arrived late during the accusation scene.

They weren’t there because they had to retake the practical exam or do another one.

So, even if the anime doesn’t say that’s the reason, that’s going to be my headcanon for right now.

ALSO

The teachers literally split the top students of the entire grade into two separate groups…

I’m not exaggerating. 

The students who get picked to be on the Student Council (the harem) are the ones who ranked the highest in the evaluation exam at the beginning of the school year.

First Year Rankings

1. Geordo Stuart (Canon) 2. Maria Campbell (Canon) 3. Alan Stuart (Canon) 4. Keith Claes (non-canon) 5. Mary Hunt (non-canon) 6. Sophia Ascart (non-canon)

We don’t actually know the rankings of Keith, Mary and Sophia but since they’re also on the student council, we know that they must be ranked 4-6. We just don’t know the exact order. .

Having the highest ranked students in two groups, basically feels like setting up all the other students for failure.

Then you have Katarina who is right smack in the middle of the rankings (#80) as part of one of the two groups.

That gives me the impression that Geordo and Keith basically demanded that Katarina be on the same team they are on, not realizing the other was doing the same.

Which is par for the course.

As all the members of the harem (minus Maria), threatened the teachers that if Katarina didn’t get permanent permission to be allowed in the Student Council chambers, then they would all resign from the student council (Manga/LN).

I know I’m thinking about this too much. 

And that of course the main characters are going to be together, because they’re the main characters. But still...

Really with just one or two lines from the teacher would have at least solved one of the illogical problems here.  

Teacher – “We have place several of these stones in the labyrinth, your goal is to find one of them. If your team leaves the dungeon without finding a stone, your team fails.”

Or something to that affect...

As much as I love Geordo and Keith being exasperated by Katarina and protecting her.

This also could’ve have been a nice opportunity to introduce Katarina’s non-council friends. Rather than us just seeing them right before she gets accused of bullying. 

But again, it does make more sense to have the main characters to be teamed up together...because they are the main characters. I just can’t help but point out the logistical problems for this exam.

Though maybe the anime will build off what’s been established in this episode...maybe.

--

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode. 

I was hit in the feels right away, laughed so hard, and it was just a lot of fun.

And of course, I was very happy to see the anime is adding its own stuff to the story and elaborating beyond the Light Novels and Manga.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Please spill tea on Rachel/Joey as a romantic ship since I know you're with me on being one of the few who still ships Ross/Rachel!

This is a very strange ask for me to receive, since I’ve spoken about my like for Joey and Rachel as a romantic pairing in the past, even above Ross and Rachel (you may not have seen it because I tend to just rant in the tags of my posts haha, but you can see some of the things I’ve said in my Rachel/Joey tag here). Having said that, it is a topic that I go back and forth with because I see the positives of both ships and I like both for different reasons. However, this may go in a different direction than you expected since I do really like Joey and Rachel, so beware that this does contain some anti-Rosschel content, and it’s pretty long (sorry, I have a lot of thoughts on this).

On paper, Rachel and Joey are the perfect couple and I love their relationship on the show so much. They had such a respectful, loving and endearing friendship that was so beautiful. Even as I’m trying to sit here and think of the negative side to Rachel and Joey’s relationship, I can’t. It was so open, warm, trusting and sweet. Joey falling in love with Rachel is one of my favourite arcs on the entire show, because it’s so realistic and emotional. We’ve all had that moment at some point in our lives where we have a close friend who we’ve only ever thought of platonically but then something happens and we see them differently, whether it’s just for that one moment or whether it develops into something more like it did for Joey. I’ve never really seen it discussed before, but all of the characters on Friends developed over the seasons, except Joey. Who Joey is in season 1 is practically exactly who he is in season 10. Falling in love with Rachel is the only time we actually got to see a change in Joey. It was the first time he’d ever been in love so it was incredibly difficult for him to navigate those intense feelings anyway, but it was a million times harder because he was also dealing with the confusion and guilt of that person being Rachel who was pregnant with Ross’ child. How Joey handled himself throughout the situation was so beautiful to watch and made me fall in love with his character in an entirely new way. Here’s this guy who’s specifically known for being a womaniser and an immature bachelor, but he was mature, selfless and fair throughout the entire thing.

Joey falling in love with Rachel made perfect sense. He lived with her and was incredibly close to her, they got each other and had fun, and you could just perfectly see and understand why he would love her. In comparison to Ross, whose love for Rachel was just there from the beginning and mainly based on an infatuation he’d had since he was a child, Joey’s feelings for Rachel were incredibly complex. When Joey’s feelings for Rachel seemed to pass, I thought that was the end of it and then BAM, Rachel had her dream and suddenly she had feelings for Joey. This was the point at which I knew something had to happen, because two friends don’t both just develop feelings for each other out of nowhere, that has to mean something. Watching Rachel’s feelings for Joey develop wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as watching Joey’s (but that’s mainly because whenever Rachel has the slightest interest in someone she immediately becomes annoying to me), but again, it made sense to me. She was close to Joey, he was always there for her, she knew he had romantic feelings for her recently and hey, he’s an attractive dude!

The perfect basis was already in place for an amazing romance to develop between the two – they’d been best friends for 8 years, lived together for two(?) years, they had an attraction and a special bond - yet when it finally happened it just didn’t work. Every time I rewatch the show (and that’s a lot) I ask myself the same question about Joey and Rachel and that’s – why!? Why didn’t it work? Because it doesn’t make sense to me, but of course, that can be summed up in one word: Ross.

Ross and Rachel are that couple, aren’t they? They’re so iconic, everyone worldwide knows them and from the very beginning they just sucked everyone in. Nowadays I see people growing tired of the will-they-won’t-they trope because it’s so overdone, but when Friends was first airing, it reeled people in hook line and sinker. What really sells Ross and Rachel as a couple is Jennifer and David’s chemistry but also that intense passionate love that Ross and Rachel have. The problem is, that beyond this I do struggle to see what makes sense about Ross and Rachel. This is where you may want to stop reading if you’re a huge Ross/Rachel fan because it’s going to get a quite anti-Rosschel.

It starts off as a very one-sided relationship that is built upon Ross’ crush on Rachel that goes back to high school and by the time they do finally admit their feelings and get together, there’s just a series of endless arguments and break-ups which suggest it’s not a very healthy or happy relationship. From Ross’ perspective, in particular, I think his perception of Rachel and his relationship with her was incredibly distorted. All of their issues in season 3 are because of Ross’ insecurities, because he spent his high school years pining for a girl that was “out of his league”, once he was with her he was constantly afraid he would lose her and that led to possessive behaviour. What always sticks in my mind is the conversation they have about Rachel working too much and Ross expresses that he feels she has this entirely different life that he’s not a part of, and Rachel explains that she’s glad about that because she wants to have something in her life that is separate from him. She says that she’s scared but she’s happy because she’s out there in the world doing something for herself and she asks if he’s okay with that, which he replies yes, but then over her shoulder when they hug he says he’s not. Because Friends is a sitcom, comedy is injected into that scene, but it’s actually not very funny at all. What about what Rachel said is even slightly unreasonable? In most relationship’s an individual’s work is the only part of their life that is not intertwined with their partner and is the place where they can channel their passions and energies. Ross had his career at the museum which was clearly very important to him yet Rachel couldn’t have hers because that made him insecure. What’s even worse is when you think back to the list he made about Rachel, under the cons he listed “Just a waitress” as one of her cons, yet when she decided to break out of the coffee house and launch a career, he didn’t like it. So what did he want from her? Rachel always felt very much like an achievement to Ross rather than a person, particularly in the early seasons. I don’t necessarily want to pit the two relationships against each other but when you compare how well Joey knew Rachel and his opinion of her in comparison to Ross, there’s no comparison. Ross was in love with the idea of Rachel (I think as the seasons progressed he did fall in love with who she was more so), but it still didn’t feel like he really knew her and loved her for her. Proof of that can be seen by his negative reaction when she started to change and become her own person and establish a life for herself.

Having said that, there was an inexplicable pull between Ross and Rachel that brought them back together time and time again. They finally admitted their feelings to each other and got together in season 2, only to split up the same day because of the list Ross made, then they got back together later in the season after the prom video, then they took a break in season 3 (by this point they’d been in a relationship for total of 11 episodes), got back together in the next episode and broke up soon after when Rachel found out Ross slept with Chloe.10 episodes later, in season 4, they got back together at the beach house only to split up the next day because of the whole ‘we were on a break’ argument. Nothing much happened with them after that and they seemed to be moving on, until Ross met Emily and Rachel realised she still has feelings for him and went to England to stop the wedding but Ross said her name at the altar, so that ended in tears hah. Throughout season 5 Ross fights for his marriage and is insistent he loves Emily, whilst Rachel continues to pine for him. By the time we get to season 6, this is where they’ve both seemingly moved on from one another and then lo and behold, they get married in Vegas! After this Ross realises he has feelings for Rachel AGAIN, which seems to soon pass. In season 7, it seems like they’re moving on again until they wind up kissing after Monica and Chandler get engaged. Season 8 is of course the season where Rachel falls pregnant with Emma and from that point until the middle of season 9 when they’re living together and raising Emma, their relationship seems headed in the romantic direction once again. Then they decide their arrangement isn’t working so Rachel moves out and back in with Joey, and they go back to their own lives. That brings us to the end whereby they finally come to realise they want to be with each other in the finale. Wow, that’s one hell of a long and complicated relationship, right? But it perfectly displays the on-off nature of Rachel and Ross’ relationship and shows that even when they were supposedly over each other or moving on, they very quickly found each other again. What I never got about all of this is why it happened. I understand it up until around season 4, but past that I don’t. Why did Ross say Rachel’s name at his wedding? I don’t care what anyone says, at that time he was not in love with Rachel. He agreed to stop seeing Rachel to make his marriage with Emily work, for crying out loud. Also, why did Rachel continue to love a man that had made an immature pros and cons list about her when they first got together, was possessive and jealous when she got a job, fell into bed with the first woman he clapped eyes on when she told him they were on a break (I mean, who does that!?) and refused to accept responsibility for his actions or act with even the tiniest shred of maturity when presented with the chance of getting back together with her? What is it about this man are we supposed to believe makes him a man that Rachel is in love with? It doesn’t make sense. Neither does the fact that they randomly kiss and have sex for no reason what so ever other than the fact that they have before. When they have sex and Rachel gets pregnant with Emma, that literally happens because they’re both there and it’s easy because they’ve been together before and they know they’re in a place where emotionally they’re not attached, so they can treat it as a casual one-night stand.

But, back to Joey and Rachel, because that’s technically what this ask is supposed to be about rather than Ross and Rachel. I think in comparison to Ross and Rachel, whose relationship was incredibly rocky and problematic, Joey and Rachel had a much better build-up, a richer relationship and a more complex connection. The problem with Joey and Rachel is that the audience were already too invested in Ross and Rachel, for a Joey/Rachel romance to last long-term and the writers couldn’t fully let go of Ross and Rachel, no matter what they did. I’m not sure what the intentions with Rachel and Joey were or if the writers even intended for them to be the real deal and stay together, or if it was supposed to be brief like it was, but it certainly felt like they never fully committed to it. 

Again, what bothers me about this is that Rachel and Joey splitting up didn’t really make sense and neither did Ross’ reaction. Of course Ross was going to react strongly to finding out about them, but it really didn’t make sense to have Ross react the way he did unless he still had feelings for Rachel and/or was in love with her, which we were told he didn’t and there seemed to be no indication of anything to the contrary until that point. No matter how long your history is with someone or whether they’re the mother of your child, the fact was that Rachel was his ex, Ross had a girlfriend (Charlie) and as Ross himself pointed out, he and Rachel hadn’t been a couple in 6 years. So it didn’t really make sense for Ross to react that way. He and Rachel were exes, so what? They’d both moved on, Ross with Charlie, and Joey and Rachel deserved a shot. What also didn’t make sense is the way in which Rachel and Joey split up, since the issue they came upon again was completely fixable. A lot of people when transitioning from friends to romantic partners experience initial awkwardness. When Ross and Rachel first tried to have sex, Rachel couldn’t stop laughing, but they persevered because they knew they wanted to be together and it should’ve been the same for Joey and Rachel. They were clearly attracted to each other physically and they wanted to be together, so once they’d pushed through that barrier once, they would’ve been fine. The only reason they split up at that point is because the writers knew they couldn’t make it work after having invested so much time in Ross and Rachel. I really think if the writers and audience weren’t so fixated on Ross and Rachel, Joey and Rachel could’ve gone all the way. I also think if it had been a real life situation and not a show, Joey and Rachel would’ve lasted. There was absolutely no reason they wouldn’t last because they were incredibly compatible. Their relationship ended before it even began, I mean, they really didn’t even give it a chance at all and immediately afterwards it was completely swept under the rug as though it never happened. That’s something that will always bug me and is just proof that the writers wanted to try and erase Joey and Rachel because they wanted Ross and Rachel to be endgame. But the fact remains if they knew they wanted a Ross and Rachel endgame (which they clearly knew very early on) why did they decide to go down the Joey/Rachel route? It didn’t really make sense in that context. 

One thing I will say is that despite the seemingly anti-Rosschel sentiment of this, Ross and Rachel’s romantic chemistry always felt stronger than Joey and Rachel’s, and their relationship always felt much more natural. However, I put that down to the actors. I think because Jennifer and David were portraying a romantic relationship from rather early on, they fell into a natural rhythm but Jennifer and Matt were such good friends on and off-screen, that when they had to make that transition to a couple, it didn’t quite click. And I’m pretty sure even Matt and Jennifer themselves protested against them being a couple, claiming it was too weird because they were brother and sister, so clearly their hearts weren’t really in playing that relationship and I think that shows in their performances. So, it’s strange because in terms of writing, I’m all for Joey and Rachel, but in terms of the chemistry and the feeling of the couple, I’m all for Ross and Rachel. I also think that despite the problematic elements of Ross and Rachel’s relationship I mentioned above, they changed and developed and by the time they got back together in season 10 I think they were much more suited and ready for a proper relationship. A big part of the issue with their relationship in the early seasons is that Ross was in a completely different place to Rachel. Even in season 1 Ross is very together - he has an established career as a palaeontologist, he earns a decent wage, he has his own apartment in the city, he’s been married - but Rachel, in comparison, is just starting out in life. In season 1 she completely uproots herself and leaps into a world she’s never been part of, so by the time she and Ross get together she’s still adjusting to that huge change. She hasn’t built a life for herself yet and she hasn’t found what she enjoys or what her path is in life, but Ross is already sure in himself and that’s why Rachel freaks out when he starts talking about having kids and moving to Scarsdale. At that point, Rachel isn’t ready for any of that, she’s still trying to deal with having a part-time job at Central Perk and trying to decide where she goes from there. But by season 10 she’s established herself in an amazing career, she’s a mother and she’s grown so much and she’s finally right there with Ross and ready for all of that. As for Ross, by season 10 he’s realised that Rachel loves him and has chosen him so his insecurities shouldn’t be so much of a problem. So where Ross and Rachel start and where they end up is two vastly different places, and although I don’t like the way the journey was written, they earned that ending.

In comparison, Joey and Rachel just can’t compete with that. As sweet and well-developed as they were, they can’t compete with that magnetic pull between Rachel and Ross that continued for 10 years. Ross and Rachel had simply been built up too much for too long for Rachel and Joey to be able to swoop in at such a late point in the series and be endgame. Perhaps if certain things were different and Rachel hadn’t of had Emma, Rachel and Joey could’ve worked, but Ross and Rachel were too entwined to ever separate and I think if they’d ended up with other people and Rachel had ended up with Joey, somewhere deep down inside they would have always felt a sense of regret and “what if?” and I definitely think that would’ve cast a shadow on Rachel and Joey’s relationship if they’d stayed together.

To conclude this big muddle of a response, I really like Joey and Rachel together and see a lot of potential with them as a couple, but their romantic chemistry was lacking and dare I say it, even felt awkward at times, and they simply couldn’t get to the same place as Ross and Rachel. Ross and Rachel were written as being the love of each other’s lives and despite the messiness their relationship, I strongly believe their fate was sealed in TOW Prom Video and there was no coming back from that. 

[prismaticforest]

A little introspective post about love.

I was thinking today that I am totally obsessed with love. Even in my most darkest and depressed of states, it always feels better to love than to hate someone.

I've been angry and hurt to the point that I don't ever want to see/speak to this person again, only to sometimes find myself bringing them back in. Not in the harmful kind of way where it's someone who is better off not in my life, but more the lighter, petty things that sometimes keep us apart. It always felt better when we've worked things out and I can embrace them, then to hold onto those ill-feelings and a past hurt that otherwise kept us from growing into anything.

I think the biggest issue for me is me is definitely my self-confidence. I'm often afraid that people don't really like me or care for me, and if I care for them too much I wind up feeling like a fool or get taken advantage of. I end up pushing people away and skip out on making time or attending any events with them.

My biggest problem of course, comes in the form of relationships. I have a hard enough time relating to other people in general, so anything romantic is extremely complicated.

I was talking to my brother the other day about the complexities of male/female differences when it comes to hetero relationships. We have our own brains and it's almost always one-sided. I'd say the majority of men feel women are the cause of many of their problems, whereas the majority of women feel men are the cause of their problems.

It's unfortunate really.

Although, I do find that most men generally are more loyal in the idea that they have a sort of code that's internal. What I mean by that is, they seem to have better rapport with one another than women.

Most men I know have either maintained long-term friendships with other guys they've grown up with, or wind up finding a 'constant' friend some point in life.

Most women I know cannot say the same. I don't know what it is with us girls, but we have a hard time getting along with each other period. Most girls I know are quoted as saying "I don't normally get along with other girls, I prefer having guys for friends."

But there are guys who do much better with girls, too. Of my brother's 3 best friends, only one of them is male, and the other two female.

My brother often says the hard part about guy friendships is the pressure of the ego, and in our society, it's the whole masculinity complex. My brother's always been more sensitive and intellectual, book-smart and socially awkward. His whole life guys have picked on him and pushed him around, but my brother has seen right through them. There's only been a few in his life that have gotten to know him and found him to be a good person.

I'm familiar with the ego myself, and have been the victim of many poorly-constructed pick up lines, sexual innuendos, and how-to-get-laid traps. I know that it is just normal instinct of a human being to seek out physical contact and intimacy, but for myself, it's always held a much deeper meaning and the desire is lacking without knowing the person on a certain level.

To each their own, honestly, it doesn't bother me what people do. Just don't get angry with me when I don't behave the way you want me to. That's been another downside to this whole trying to navigate the romantic world. I've always attracted certain types.

I wanted to list them here. (Please note: this is NOT in any way, me hating on men. OK? This is me describing the few types of people I've come into contact with and I seem to regularly attract.)

1.) Arrogant, cynical, selfish type. This kind of guy thinks he's special because he thinks outside of the box and is "in-the-know" of all the dark secret workings of the world, and is a social outcast because nobody understands how great he is and it's their fault for it. All of his problems are the world's fault, and he's the victim. He's very controlling and aggressive, having to prove his dominance over others and his girl. He will talk down to me like : "Oh sweetie, you're so cute, you don't know that. I will have to show you how." Or "Oh that's adorable, but you're wrong, and let me tell you why".

I think this type is attracted to me because I am a submissive personality, not to the point of brainless follower or never speaking up for myself, but I do have a hard time saying no, and I'm always trying to consider everyone and make people happy. I have that people-pleaser side and these types seem to seek me out because they feel I'm easy to manipulate and do what they want. Sadly, at one point in my life I was in a relationship with one such a this, for months. I don't know why it took me so long to realize he was mentally abusing me.

2.) Sensitive, immature, seeking a mom to love them type. These guys I feel sorry for, they're not necessarily bad, and I am drawn to those who are inward and sensitive toward others. I'm not using sensitive negatively here, just that...they're not quite at a mature enough level. They also get easily hurt and are very clingy, and need you to take care of them. Like you basically become their mother in a sense, and I just don't want to be my partner's mother, it's very creepy.

My friends have said I have a very maternal way about me, and my friend's children often cling to me. That's fine. But not for my boyfriend. And unfortunately these guys seem to flock to me. Yes, I have dated a guy four years younger then me.

He was very considerate and I'd just gotten away from my type 1, so it was a refreshing change. Then it got weird. His mother called me a week into it, and was in tears saying how happy she was that I was in her son's life and that for a fact she was eight years older than her husband, and there was nothing to worry about the age difference. I felt weird enough since her son was nineteen and I never dated anyone younger in the first place.

We'd get into these ridiculous 'fights' and I never even knew they were fights, until he'd call me and say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say what I did. I hope you were OK. I get so mad sometimes, but I really need you in my life." and I'd be over here like uhh what? when did we fight?

We’d be kissing and cuddling on the couch and he’d suddenly start crying and hug me close, saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he wouldn’t know what to do if I ever left him (awkward pressure) and I’d have to stroke his hair and “shhh” him to calm him down. It’d kill the mood and I’d feel totally guilty for not returning those strong feelings. 

Then he started talking about our future, our section 8 future where we'd live on government money and I would work and come home and make him dinner and we would cuddle and play video games. He never finished high school (dropped out at sixteen) and did not intend on graduating or working, ever. He wanted to enjoy life.

Meanwhile I'm just thinking this is a casual thing and I'm not even entirely sure I like him. 

It was REALLY hard breaking it off with him too. He called me nonstop, crying and whining, begging and then getting angry. I had to turn off my phone. The next day I had like 82 missed calls. I talked to him only one other time, and he tried to guilt me by saying he started smoking again but he “gets why” I broke it off, because he was “so mean” to me. He didn’t get it, so I changed my number and that was that. 

Years later he sent me a message on facebook trying to say he’d changed and met someone new, only to close his message begging me to talk to him again asking why we couldn’t just be friends, and that he was sorry for how he treated me back then. I still don’t get what he mean, but I suppose he blames himself. I never responded.

I learned then that I can’t have anything casual if the guy starts displaying signs of super-attachment, I need to cut that shit off RIGHT away. I admit part of me was using him, he made me feel loved and safe, like this was an innocent teenage romance (I didn’t get to experience one because I never dated as a teen). 

No, as a teenager I was incredibly awkward and insecure and terrified of the opposite sex. I dressed really plain, in baggy clothes and I never did anything with my hair and when I did start wearing makeup I had no clue how to wear it, so I looked TERRIBLE (hello raccoon eyes and smudged lipstick). I had a crush on my best friend’s older brother, but there were NO secrets in that house. I made the mistake of telling my friend, and of course not only did he find out, but so did the rest of the family. He had the manipulative thing going for him to the point he was taking advantage of his parents. 

He was a Type 1, my first experience with this kind. He was incredibly smart in school but also struggled with huge self esteem issues and suicide attempts so he dropped out. He didn’t get along with his dad, didn’t respect his mom, and talked down to everyone like he was so much better than everybody else. Yet I was dumb and naive and thought he was “so cool” and “misunderstood”. He was my struggling outsider I thought I could fix (we all get one, but if we get more we obviously haven’t learned our lesson). 

Anyway, he took advantage of my feelings because he was lonely. He’d pull me way from his sister and we’d hang out. We’d have these “deep talks” in his room or in the car. We never kissed. He’d hold my hand or hug me or brush my hair back, but that was about it. We want on this unofficial double date with his sister and her first boyfriend, and saw this ridiculous movie. We then went to her boyfriend’s house after, played video games and broke off from the two to give them some alone time. I went for a walk with him and he held my hand, but I guess we were out there for a while because his dad drove up and we were getting picked up to go home. 

Anyway, he started seeing another girl. She was petite and cute and to my surprise, fourteen. An eighth grader. He was a junior in high school. I was pissed. My first experience of being ‘dumped’ for a younger girl, and I was still a teenager.She wasn’t that pretty, she had sunken in cheeks and furry brows and other guys said she kind of looked like a guy. It’s not nice I know, but in the moment I was so shocked...like how terribly unattractive or undesirable I must be if he wanted her more. 

It was for the best, he pressured her into having sex a few months into the relationship and I heard they later broke up while she was in high school because he got aggressive and tried choking her. It just sucked at the time having to be around them whenever I was with my friend, and my friend had even stirred up drama by using something I said to her and his best friend about the new girlfriend. It was bad to the point that HE got pissed at me and I couldn’t come over, and his girlfriend apparently cried because of something I’d said. I also had the unfortunate fate of crushing on his best friend, who became my friend while we were both hating the new girlfriend. 

Of course my best friend told him, I don’t know WHY I continued to trust her with her big mouth. He then texted me telling me he didn’t date ugly girls, and I was crushed. He was a jerk, and he hid our friendship at school. One time after school I didn’t have a ride, and he offered to pick me up...which I was thrilled, but he wanted me to walk across the street and pick me up at the shopping center because he didn’t want anyone he knew to see. By this point I just accepted it, and figured this was better than nothing. 

I didn’t get much luckier after high school either. I started college right after, and I met this older guy in my math class. He was so handsome, and he noticed me right away. (I had this transformation senior year, I learned how to do my hair and makeup and started buying nicer, girly clothes that flattered my figure and this carried into college). He seemed nice and sat with me and we shared our notes and helped each other with our homework. He’d wait for me before class and we’d walk in together, and he’d walk me to the parking lot after. He used to invite me to parties but I wouldn’t go because I was too afraid, too shy. 

Anyway, after the class was done he revealed he had a girlfriend. He acted like all of the flirting and compliments were nothing, and it’d been fun and he was done. Thank god nothing ever really happened, or it’d probably have been a lot worse. Still it sucked....I remember crying on the drive home that day. 

It was really hard for me to trust anyone, and my self-esteem had been virtually crushed by these guys. So by the time I agreed to go out with my Type 2, it was the FIRST time I’d been with anyone who was genuinely NICE to me. I just needed something simple and sweet, without the pressure to be something more. 

But that got weird fast and well, it’s been irregular and unfortunate since. 

Anyway, this is why I don’t really put myself out there anymore. It’s frustrating and often a blow to my self esteem more often than not. 

Yet I still remain hopeful that it could change...one day. 

The sweetest relationship I’d ever had, was with a friend. I wrote about him all over this blog...he was so beautiful, inside and out. A brilliant mind, a fiery spirit, my shining star. We fell for each other but we’re star crossed, impossible. He moved back home to England and I just know I’ll never get there. We continued writing but...as he said, words are all he can ever give me. 

We were in regular contact for 2 years, but lost touch. Our last message was in 2014. Then, surprisingly out of the blue he sent me a message in April of 2016, stating he couldn’t bring himself to forget me, despite how hard he tried. He was wishing me and my family well, and that he often thinks of me and prays that I am safe...and he also stated he has yet to read my last message to him, couldn’t bring himself to do it, but keeps it with him everywhere. He finishes in saying my prayers must have something in them, as he’s passed a barrier he never thought possible in his life. Selfishly my first thought is he’s found someone else, found a way to make it happen for him. Sad, right? It’s been almost a year since then.

It’s pretty much my cue to move on, and yet I cling to this because it’s all I have. My busted heart...