#i know at least some of what they’re struggling with is beyond my control but there’s a non-zero chance part of why they’re upset is me

[transmechanicus]

Brb crying on this friday night

[crevicedwelling]

What is our ecological responsibility when encountering an invasive animal species?

that depends on what that species is, and im struggling to come up with any catch-all response to that. there are a lot types of animals.

some stuff is way beyond our control, like the invasion of earthworms into North America and many other invertebrate species—it would be just as much of a waste of effort trying to kill all the spotted lanternflies as it would be to dig up every worm in the forest.

for stuff like fish, cats, and hogs… I really don’t know. this isn’t my area of expertise but I do think invasive mammals are at least a little easier to exclude/control/manage through hunting and trapping than minute flying or soil borne invertebrates (maybe not the hogs. they sound unstoppable). also people tend to get very stupid when it concerns charismatic or domesticated megafauna, even if vulnerable native ecology is at stake.

in all cases, prevention is most important: don’t let pets loose, make note of unfamiliar insects or help to track the spread of establishing species.

I also think it is important to not demonize or abuse the invasive animals regardless of what we need to do to control them. they’re not evil, they’re just trying to survive—torturing them doesn’t accomplish anything. so even if cane toads and cats and horses *AND pythons and fish and other uncharismatic animals* have to be killed to protect native ecosystems, we ought to find ways to do that that both have the intended effect and don’t cause unnecessary harm.

also, please no “humans are the invasive species” thing. I will hit you with my ecologist stick

[lady-griffin]

I'm curious, what are some of your favorite Timebomb headcanons?

I’m so sorry for this beyond late response; I really don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry.

I know my answer isn’t going to be “worth the wait,” but I still hope you (and others) find it interesting. Please bear with me and my somewhat incoherent thoughts as my love for these two has destroyed my brain.

Also, my answer is beyond long, but that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

My Favorite Timebomb Headcanons

They’re both bi.

-

They’re always touching one another. Not so much in an inappropriate way (though they can get too handsy in public); this is more holding hands, cuddling, using each other as a cushion, etc.

When they’re bored or preoccupied, they'll start “fidgeting” - Ekko plays with Jinx’s hair, while Jinx plays with Ekko's hands.

-

Jinx doodles on Ekko pretty much all the time, while Ekko straight up writes on Jinx - specifically notes and reminders to himself.

Basically, Ekko will already be in bed and suddenly he'll get idea for a project but doesn’t want to get up or he suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night and has to immediately write down his thoughts before he forgets them and well, Jinx is right there.

Jinx honestly only minds this when Ekko won’t let her wash off because he needs to figure out what he meant when he wrote down “hextech cheese sandwich solution to dogs” at 3am and obviously it being her on her left shoulder is essential to figuring it all out.

-

Jinx bites. Not so much in a sexy, bedroom kind of way (though yes, obviously that too); she just sees Ekko and has to go chomp.

-

Ekko is slightly insecure about his height, which makes zero sense to Jinx. Seriously, what is he even talking about? Ekko is the perfect height – he’s within reach of her kisses (and bites).

-

Jinx really, really, really loves Ekko’s arms and hands.

His whole everything does it for her; but boy, oh boy, does she have a thing for his arms and hands, especially his hands. The amount of self-control Jinx has when it comes to Ekko’s hands is truly something to behold.

-

Jinx runs cold while Ekko runs hot.

Jinx always wants to cuddle with Ekko in the winter because he’s her personal space heater and Ekko always wants to cuddle with Jinx in the summer because she’s a living ice cube. The two of them like to complain, but they're not fooling anyone; they love every second of the other clinging on to them.

OR

Jinx runs hot while Ekko runs cold.

Jinx gets uncomfortably warm, so she really enjoys being cold. Unfortunately, that’s quite rare for her nowadays due to her body producing its own shimmer; her body temperature is now basically someone with a deadly fever.

Ekko on the other hand easily gets cold and he absolutely hates it; so, he's not exactly mad at Jinx becoming a living furnace.

I’m honestly torn between these two versions and the vibes vs. 'evidence' backing them up. But does it really matter? At the end of the day one of them runs cold while the other runs hot and they balance each other out perfectly.

-

The Firelight’s truly love Ekko; they're beyond thankful to him and everything he's done for them. So, despite the fact that many of them hate Jinx and want nothing more than for her to be gone (dead), they are willing to accept her because Ekko loves her.

Some of them will never forgive nor make peace with Jinx, but they’re willing to coexist with her; while others are willing to get to know her and even befriend her.

It’s not easy for any of them but for Ekko, they'll do it and as time goes on it becomes less of a struggle to accept Jinx.

I’m a huge fan of Jinx being accepted by the Firelights not because they actually accept her (at least at first) nor because they’re such wonderful, good people, but because they love Ekko. He’s their savior and guiding light and they want him to be happy and Jinx makes him happy - so, of course they'll do it.

-

Jinx absolutely has a praise kink; she adores being praised and complimented in bed and Ekko has no problem indulging her.

I don’t have a single doubt about this. This is just fact.

-

Despite being so gone for each other, they both have a lot of insecurities, particularly when it comes to the others’ feelings and commitment to the relationship.

Ekko is scared he’s just a convenience for Jinx and she’ll easily abandon him again; while Jinx is scared Ekko’s going to realize he doesn’t actually want to be with her, because why would he.

To make things a bit more heartbreaking, Jinx sometimes wonders if Ekko is only with her because she’s the closest thing to “Powder” he can be with.

They have a lot of issues and it took them many years to work through them; but those issues and insecurities still make an appearance from time for time.

-

Ekko isn’t always great at taking care of himself; he’s always putting others first and he’s easily consumed by his projects and responsibilities.

But taking care of Jinx forces him to take care of himself.

He can’t argue she should go to bed at a reasonable hour, when he’s up at the same godforsaken hour she is nor can he complain about her eating unhealthily, when he’s eating the exact same thing or something worse.

-

Ekko is always running late; while Jinx (to many people’s surprise) is either on time or very early. When the two of them arrive late together, it’s because Jinx didn’t want to go to the thing and she succeeded in distracting Ekko (usually with sex).

-

Being together was one of the easiest things for them as their two pieces who fit perfectly together; at the exact same time though it was also the most difficult thing for them, due to their history.

Ekko has struggled with his feelings of guilt because it was so easy for him to be with Jinx and love her; he feels like he’s betraying his fallen friends and people. Jinx is responsible for many of their deaths and even when she wasn’t directly responsible, she still benefited as Silco’s daughter.  

Jinx has struggled with feeling like she’s betraying Silco and rejecting their bond as she doesn't talk about him for the sake of her relationship with Ekko. She can’t talk about Silco with Ekko at all, because anything negative about him (no matter how small) only confirms to Ekko she was abused and brainwashed; while anything positive or even neutral is like "attacking" Ekko and everything he's gone through.

Silco was the reason Jinx was happy and able to be thrive over the years and he's the reason why Ekko suffered and struggled to survive during those same years.

While they never truly come to terms about Silco, they still try and make an effort to respect the other’s feelings for him.

-

Gift giving is a huge part of how Jinx shows her love. She doesn't need a special occasion or reason to give Ekko gifts and she likes leaving them where he can come across them randomly. Her presents can be anything - from a cool rock she found to a specific piece of machinery Ekko wanted.

Oh and of course, a beyond valuable item she stole from some elitist Piltovan or vicious Chem-Baron who is more than willing to start a war over their stolen property.

Ekko knows she means well (at least he thinks she does); but he would appreciate it if she didn’t bring him and the Firelights more trouble with her gifts.

Which Jinx doesn’t fully understand.

It’s not that she doesn’t understand the value of things; but a cool looking rock and some wealthy Piltovan’s prized heirloom have the exact same value to her – she thought Ekko would like it, so why wouldn't she get it for him?

-

These two can be so beyond competitive it’s not even funny and nothing brings out their unhinged competitiveness than when they’re up against each other.

But they’re having fun and that’s all that matters in the end... ignore all the property damage and fires.

-

Sometimes when things get heated between them, Jinx gets a red blotchiness on her neck and chest; which she's more than embarrassed by. Ekko on the other hand tries to see if he can make her even redder and he’s more than smug when he can.

-

Ekko wasn’t always a great boyfriend to his previous partners, not because he was an uncaring asshole or anything but because he never opened up to them. He never shared his problems nor did he let them take care of him; he was always the caretaker. It also didn’t help that he put his responsibilities as leader and other people before his relationships.

However, this isn’t a problem with Jinx. Ekko is quite selfish when it comes to their relationship. He’s not willing to put others’ first. Not this time. Not if it costs him Jinx.

Jinx also knows him far better than his previous partners did, she sees past the front he puts up for others and is more than willing to call him out on his bullshit. Plus, Jinx is in no way shy when it comes to her wants.

Ekko has also learned that if he doesn't rely on her, she has no reason to rely on him. If he doesn't trust her, then she doesn't trust him.

Finally, Jinx tries to get Ekko to be more selfish, while this is for her own benefit (obviously), she genuinely wants Ekko to put himself first; she’s even willing to put herself second (at times), if that’s what it takes.

-

Over the years they balance each other out – Jinx makes Ekko more selfish and gives him the freedom to put himself first without feeling guilty, while Ekko makes Jinx less selfish and he's a good starting point for her to become more considerate to others.

Of course, Ekko will never be a selfish bastard who turns his back on his people and Jinx will never be a living saint who sacrifices herself for the greater good.

-

Ekko usually takes the lead in the bedroom. He loves riling Jinx up and embarrassing her in bed; he’s particularly obsessed with getting her to beg him to keep going,

However, it doesn’t take much for Jinx to ‘turn the tables' on him; her ‘begging him' is a sure-fire way to get Ekko to unravel quickly, which Jinx is more than willing to exploit for her own fun and pleasure.

-

Ekko accidently taught their kid(s) how to curse.

-

They’re packrats.

These two are very attached to their things and and look they might need that random useless thing one day, you don’t know, they obviously can’t throw it out.

-

Jinx is very honest with their kid(s).

She doesn’t lie nor try to hide who she is nor who she was and what she’s done. Silco was always forthright with her; Jinx knew exactly who Silco was and loved him all the same and she wants the same for herself (Silco wouldn’t have accepted anything less for her).

She doesn’t want her child(ren) to love a fake version of herself; she wants them to know and love the real Jinx – monster and all.

-

I honestly don’t think a threesome would be possible for these two; they’re way too jealous and obsessed with each other to let a third party involved. Especially Jinx.

Let’s be real, she would absolutely kill someone for touching her Ekko or if Ekko touched them she would 100% have the logic of “they can’t steal my Ekko if they’re dead.”

Now Ekko will never be as bad as Jinx (very few people can reach our girl’s levels) but I easily see him being like “No. Go Away. My Jinx.”

-

I’m torn between Ekko being concerned by how much he finds Jinx’s unhinged jealousy, possessiveness, and intense (creepy) expressions of love to be charming and beyond endearing; or if he honestly doesn’t understand why people are weirded out and concern for his safety when Jinx says she wants to rip out his heart and feast upon it.

I hope you all enjoyed this insanely long list and maybe even accept a few of these headcanons as your own.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for the ask @nerdasaurus1200 and again, I'm so sorry for the years long wait.

[bengiyo]

Step By Step: It makes sense to me.

We’re taking a break from our game this week, so it’s time to get into the Step By Step discourse. Much has been said about the pacing and the writing of this show. I want to write out some of my thoughts on the gay things that are going on and how I think they play into the themes. I’ll try building off my post from last night and expanding those thoughts.

Let me say that I am writing this from the perspective as a Black gay male in the Gulf Coast of the US. I’m writing from that perspective and primarily for that perspective.

The Frustration Is Intentional

I think one of the big themes of this show is about how people are not going to be able to have happiness if they can’t live their lives honestly with each other. Almost every couple is having problems of some sort in this show, and most of them are because of their inability to be direct and honest with each other about what’s going on. Pat gained clarity with the MLM Big Tall by telling him right off. He and Put can’t be together because neither of them can talk about how much they don’t fit anymore. Beam can’t be with Ae. Ae is always fussing with Khanun. Jaab and Jane can’t be together because they can’t talk about what’s going on between them. Pat and Jeng are struggling because Jeng is struggling.

I agree that these episodes have not felt triumphant, but it doesn’t feel like that’s what the show is going for right now. They had a false honeymoon phase. It almost feels like they’re hoping that the release in a year’s worth of sexual tension will fix all the other issues. However, the world is still pressing in. Ying saw this, too, and reminded Pat that he is the one who must be strong. It feels kinda cool to me that a romantic lead who’s the more femme written such that they must take total control of their destiny. Neither of these dudes are going to solve Pat’s problems.

Jeng is Broken

Jeng broke last week when he finally admitted what’s been going on with Pat to Jaab. Something I feel very strongly about is how little care is given to boys who mask well enough to pull of heteronormativity. They are suffering quietly, but we don’t care about their pain because they seem so put together or they’re unfun. Jeng has been nursing a crush on Pat for a year, and he was confronted with the revelation that Pat has only seen him as a coworker, has thought he was straight this entire time, and has explicitly said that Jeng is making him uncomfortable.

Jeng’s breakdown says he knows how tenuous his hold has been for a long time. We all noticed that he seemed off this week. He’s barely processing Pat’s confession. He’s throwing food to the ground. He’s not taking care at work. Instead of creating appropriate professional distance from them, he’s instead planning to promote Pat past his colleagues. Jeng is not paying attention.

Beyond his interest in Pat, the only thing he showed interest in this episode was continuing to bring food to the local homeless population. We learned in the first episode that he cares a lot about food waste, and we can tell that he clearly has cultivated a positive relationship with at least one unhoused community (See @wen-kexing-apologist post for more extensive thoughts about this).

gif by @pharawee

My good sis @shortpplfedup revived her Anatomy of a Scene series to talk about the final bed scene between Pat and Jeng to highlight how out of sync they are. We also have a great observation from @grapejuicegay about the parallels between the last bed scene with Put as well. I personally also like that Jeng is making a hot mess of things because I think we need to see competent people break sometimes. I like that Jeng is messing up here because he’s older than Pat. I like that Pat is recognizing that being an adult in a relationship is going to require him to also take charge in his relationships, and we get early signs of this with Jeng placing Pat higher than him on the bed, and also a specific linguistic slip that occurred during the car scene where Pat drops honorifics for Jeng (@chicademartinica).

My man is not well. I knew he was genuinely broken when he recoiled at Pat’s suggestion that the rest of the company was relying on him. This was one of his primary motivations for returning to the company in the first place, and he’s completely lost the thread of that because he just wants to be with Pat. I think Jeng will do better if he leaves the company and focuses on his humanitarian goals, and I am excited to see how the show faces that.

I Don’t Think the Romance Is the Goal

I do think that Pat and Jeng will get together. This is BL after all. However, like with Lovely Writer, I think the narrative goals are about how the societal systems around the romance complicate the romance and make it almost impossible. In Lovely Writer, it was the structures of BL production. In this show, it’s about the way corporate culture makes that impossible within the company.

I’ve been reading the posts where people are struggling with this show or frustrated with some of the decisions on the editing floor. Both @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm wrote about their feelings about the lack of emotional catharsis or the confusion around the pacing of the story. I see both perspectives and do genuinely share in these frustrations. However, much of my energy has been spent on how the side plots fit into this drama and what they reveal about the main couple as our vehicle through this story.

The Role of the Hets

I was chatting with @lurkingshan last night and I posited that Beam’s role in the story is to show what happens to the people who are cowardly in romance. I also just finished Coffee Prince, where I spent the entire time complaining to Shan about the messy hets in that show. @chicademartinica already did a good breakdown of this in her earlier post about how intentional Tee is being with these beats.

With Beam, he and Ae knew about the feelings that existed between them, but Beam never said anything or did anything with it. Ae may fuss with Khanun a lot, but he’s not afraid of her. He loves her. He is happy with the life they are building and he’s the one who fathered a child with her. Jeng and Put both failed to speak with Pat properly, and now he’s been forced to run away from them. Like Beam, they have been cowards in their relationship with him.

With Jaab and Jane, both are also an example of abject failure to discuss anything about their feelings for each other. Both are pining for the other and making life choices about the other without consulting the other. They keep meeting and clearly thinking about each other, but keep creating barriers between any kind of connection.

Chot is Everything

Chot. I will be writing an In Praise of… essay for Chat like I did for Framboise. We’ve talked about how Chot is an example of who Pat could be someday (@imminentinertia).  I think it’s noteworthy that Chot mentioned that he and Krit have been struggling with the closet for eight years. Chot may be out and proud at work, but he’s closeted privately because his partner cannot share his life with him fully. I think it’s notable that it’s been eight years since SOTUS first aired, and Chot is a reminder that BL has a duty to the queers whose lives are packaged for mass entertainment in these stories.

I can’t find one of the posts right now, but I also agree that I think it would be satisfying for the story for Chot to take over Jeng’s role in the company. It felt extremely intentional to me that the Forge project was helmed by and starred almost exclusively gay/bi/femme men despite the funders and decision-makers having a weak understanding of BL and queerness itself. So many organizations rely on the emotional intelligence and availability of queer people to keep themselves running.

gif by @pharawee

I also feel like Tee wanted to do right by a character for Bruce this time. Many of us felt some kind of way about what happened to his character in Lovely Writer, and I like that he gets to be the first one to signal that the needle is moving a little bit. After eight difficult years, he and his partner are going to see his partner’s parents. Chot is a reminder that none of this stuff happens quickly. It’s been a year in the show for Jeng and Pat, but it’s been decades for some of us in the struggle for queer rights.

More than anything, I am glad that Pat has a queer friend who isn’t too much older than him to give him perspective. It’s imperative that we continue to show that queer people are rarely alone in their lives as adults. They’re finding their friends and community. We also take care of each other. Chot is not going to sit idly by and let the Baby Gay in the office flounder. He takes him under his wing at the expressed concern from Jeng.

Let’s Talk About Gay Sex

They showed Ben’s happy trail!!! I can’t believe it! We’ve come so far! These two can kiss!!

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

I really love these two jumping into a physical relationship quickly only for it to end up not working for Pat. Chot warned him that he was looking down on Jeng’s feelings. Jeng has more feelings than just his attraction to Pat, and that’s going to be the struggle for the rest of this show. Pat needs to see the totality of Jeng, and these two need to figure out what they want for themselves.

I can’t wait to see what triumphant sex looks like for these two.

Well, that’s all I’ve got this week. I’m enjoying unpacking this and La Pluie with everyone right now. Keep posting! Keep chatting! Tag me if you write more stuff! Thank you for coming to my post.

Also tagging @waitmyturtles because I feel for you and the struggles you're having with this project coming off of Tee's earlier work.

[mrs-snape5984]

“And I'll be a fool any time, any time for loving you…”

“Thought I had it under control. But it shook me, gripped me, grabbed my soul. (…) Yeah, but they call me a fool. Darling, they call me a fool…” (“Call me a fool” by Valerie June)

Loving a fictional character for such a long period of time brought me so many various emotions: It brought my troubled soul a whole lot of comfort. It brought my heart the same amount of pain and longing for someone, who will never be really mine, no matter how real my feelings for him are. It brought me so much joy and happiness every time I’m savouring every single piece of content, that I can find about him. It brought me an immense amount of solace, when I’m drowning in my darkness and solitude.

And, indeed, over the past 21 years of loving Severus Snape, there were countless people, who were - and still are - calling me a fool for dedicating my heart to him…to someone, “who isn’t even real”. 🙄

There are people, who told me, that I’d probably disturb my children’s healthy mindset by letting them witness my passion for Severus. But you know what? That’s bullshit not true!

My children see their diseased mother in her dark room, struggling with ME/CFS…but they’re also observing their mother fighting for her sanity (at least the mental aspect). They’re witnessing the strength, I’m gathering from the surroundings in my - to Severus Snape dedicated, almost museum like - room. They’re learning about his inspirational resilience as well as they’re learning about the importance of being good and fair to others.

And the most important thing, I’m trying to pass on my children, is to stand up for the things, they love. They should be proud of themselves for finding comfort and inspiration in things, which are good for them (and since I’ve read them the whole Harry Potter saga, they’re already potterheads in the making 😅).

Nevertheless, in my current devastating situation, I’m getting something more from Severus….and from the artists, I’ve found in our beloved Snapedom: He’s my window to the world…my window to a life, I can’t live anymore. Through the stories, I’m writing about him and my - oh so self inserted - OC Julia/Jules (that’s depending on Severus and my age) and through the art , which I’m requesting from all those amiable and talented artists, I’m capable of doing the things, I can’t do in my cruel reality anymore. And that’s, what’s giving my heart some peace.

For this beautiful piece of art, I’ve commissioned the lovely @opalchalice. I love the outcome of my idea of enjoying a carefree evening with Severus…doing stupid stuff with him,like sharing some cigarettes in the bathtub.

My dear @opalchalice, I’m beyond grateful for your courage to draw a younger, teenage Severus for the first time. He’s adorable and I’m absolutely delighted by your artwork and your kindness. Thank you for everything, my friend! 🥹

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

[thatgirlonstage]

Actually insane over the fact that EoA chose to explicitly, textually tie Esteban’s decision to betray his family to his trauma over losing his parents. Like. It’s definitely a supported reading that this is some post facto justification for what was a decision actually motivated mostly by greed and ego, but what he himself says about it is that he felt like he could see a danger, that no one was listening to him when he tried to warn them about it and beg them to take a different course of action, and that the last time this happened both his parents wound up dead so this time he decided to be proactive about trying to protect the people he loves. And then he failed miserably at doing that because Shuriki betrayed him.

Like it’s an incredible choice because it’s genuinely very good writing that adds a ton of layers and complexity to his motivations—even if it is partially justification I don’t disbelieve him that it was a contributing factor, yknow?—and also I’m sitting here clutching my head losing my mind about it bc like. He and Elena are the same. They are foiled in so many interesting ways and their motivations are the same. They actually both struggle a ton with entrusting responsibility to other people when it’s about something important to them. They both want to protect Avalor and their families. They both lose their parents to something well beyond their control and are so terrified of losing anyone or anything else in the same way that they will do anything to be sure they aren’t helpless next time. They’re the same. The differences are that Elena is more altruistic than Esteban, who cares more about His people than about people In General (ie, Elena is more good-aligned vs Esteban is more neutral-aligned, tho I think there’s a decent case to be made that Esteban straddles the border a bit) and the narrative rewards her for that, and that Elena… trusts the right people. She trusts people who do ultimately have her back, and who will tell her when she’s trying to do too much on her own, and who ultimately have her best interests at heart. Esteban… It’s Complicated. Bc it’s not that he has no community or support, but it’s this sort of vicious cycle of 1) he doesn’t have very many people in his support circle and some of the people he does have are shitty friends (hi Victor), 2) he’s very bad at ceding control and trusting other people to tell him when he’s wrong, which yes is a flaw he needs to work on, but it’s also partially bc 3) a lot of his support circle is also very bad at treating his concerns and issues seriously (I’m going to get pissed about dia de las madres again, which I know is kind of unfair but also. Bite me.) and this got him orphaned in the past. So he ends up in this place where he’d rather shake hands with the devil because at least then he knows the terms of the deal. This consistently goes terribly for him, bc none of his devils are actually obligated to play fair and he is frequently tricked out of whatever concessions he thought he had gained, but how he got here makes sense. How he got here is worthy of sympathy. He is easily manipulated by people who pretend to listen to him, but that’s necessarily only the case because he spends a lot of time feeling like no one cares about listening to him. He spends a lot of time caring deeply about people who he knows love him but he feels like don’t trust him. He wants, desperately, to save them from an optimism that is warranted for them because they’re the protagonists, but was never rewarded for him.

[goldensunset]

you wanted me to talk about ooparts from twewy. ok. this song is an absolute hot mess and it’s one of my absolute FAVORITES. but specifically only the version that plays when you fight konishi in final remix (‘ooparts -give me a chance’) the original is. eh. but the difference between them is not the thing that matters to me anyway so i guess i like the original too

first and foremost. i have gone through the process of color-highlighting the lyrics (screenshotted from the wiki) to point out which song each line comes from to visually represent just how much this massive word mashup borrows stuff. i also just straight up put the names of the songs next to some of them but i couldn’t fit them all or else this would be a mess lol. please enjoy

🍎red: ‘hybrid’ (both english and japanese)

🍊orange: ‘detonation’

⭐️yellow: ‘game over’

🍃green: ‘owari-hajimari’ (japanese)

💎light blue: ‘someday’ (both english and japanese)

🫐dark blue: ‘satisfy’

☂️purple: ‘twister’ (both english and japanese)

🌸pink: ‘make or break’

•‘surely there was a better way to convey this information’ no there wasn’t

•most of this information is on the wiki page but i’ll have you know i discovered most of these connections by myself anyway long before i ever even checked the trivia section. also there are a few that i caught that the wiki didn’t. not to flex or anything. but y’know what credit really isn’t important anyway it’s really all about sharing information within a community so. peace and love

•there is a bit of a liberty taken with ‘you’re getting out of control’ bc the line in game over is just ‘you’re out of control’ but i still think it counts as a connection

so basically i think this song is really cool and amazing not just bc the music goes really hard at about one minute in (but only specifically in the one where you fight konishi, at least in final remix) but mostly because it represents a few of my favorite things about twewy. the whole ‘melody/vibe over lyrics’ thing twewy has going on where it says hey who cares if these lyrics are in any way comprehensible; what matters is that it’s a lot of fun to sing

but beyond that? ooparts also does the thing that twister is known for but even better. aka word salad lyrics that may not have any innate meaning in the words themselves, but they matter BECAUSE they’re word salad. apparently the intention behind twister’s nonsense lyrics is to represent all the different clashing ideas in shibuya. it’s diverse and noisy and weird and it all comes together into something fun. ooparts does the same except its lyrics aren’t even random words; they’re from other songs in this game. including twister itself!

to me it really feels like a turning point in the game when you fight konishi, the final week’s game master, the last actual valid legal boss within the framework of the game, and you have this crazy wild song playing that, through its lyrics, serves to remind you of everything else you’ve encountered in your insane journey. it’s a culmination of all your struggles and you’re here to see it all through

and the call-and-response lyrics back and forth between the two vocalists are soooo fun! it feels like teamwork: the song. like truly this is the moment of revenge and triumph for neku and beat. they’ve made it this far and nothing can stop them now. they’re not afraid of konishi they’re hyped up to defeat her. and konishi is such a great villain with a really tricky and unique boss fight so it feels super satisfying to finally get the better of her! it’s not about fear it’s about fun! and when the beat switches on the chorus to something so much brighter and smoother… feels like that moment in the battle where you break through one of her gimmicks and you can see clearly now

in conclusion: i love the weird telephone beep song with the strangest lyrics known to man

[mymainwastoocluttered]

Project Zomboid (Rook Hunt)

Thank you for 1000 followers! Hope you enjoy the Horror Event!

NOTE: I only write for female reader but everyone is welcome to read it!

Horror Event Masterlist

Requested by the lovely @zozomind (hello again!)

Rook sighs longingly, missing his lover.

It’s been about a week or so since they both woke up in this world, and this is the first time they’ve been apart ever since that day. It had been a bit of a struggle for Rook to get used to not using any magic, but out of most NRC students, he’s one of the few who have sharpened skills outside magic control and athletics. (Y/N), his beautiful muse, had helped him with the transition, both from magic to magicless and from Twisted Wonderland to this world.

“I think this is the world inside a game I played long ago,” she had confessed that first night as they slept inside a tightly shut room, the footsteps of the undead their lullaby. “I know it sounds odd, but that’s the impression I had. Well, it’s not like it matters, at the end of the day, our objective is still to survive.”

Her tale was outlandish, but the blonde huntsman knows better than to discard possibilities, and the way her eyes lighten in recognition every now and then proves that her theory might have some merit.

Rook isn’t one for apocalyptic fantasies, despite recognizing the beauty they have, so he’s glad that his lover carries a lot of information in her beautiful brain. It had taken no time for him to settle, and today he’s proud to say that their progress is beyond impressive. His hunting skills adapted beautifully, and even now they sharpen as he takes his bow and aims an arrow at a zombie’s head.

“Bows are great weapons for zombie apocalypses,” she tells him when he finds one inside a random house. “They’re ranged and silent, and arrows are much easier to craft than bullets. If it’s you, I know you won’t miss. Remember to aim for the head.”

Oh, his beloved girlfriend is so incredibly gorgeous when she smiles at him and bestows on him her knowledge! She had told him it all, all ways zombies could possibly work and how to figure out what type of zombies they’d be facing.

Zombies in this world have a terrifyingly good hearing, and some will be attracted even to the smallest noise. Those that still have eyes are also very much capable of distinguishing a living being. Their sense of smell, however, seems to be terribly lacking, and their rotting flesh is incapable of feeling even the most excruciating pain. (Y/N) had thanked her God for that, saying that zombies with a sense of smell were the worst and she did not want to cover herself in guts and blood just to be safe.

Another good thing is that they are what she calls “shamblers”: zombies that are silent walkers and retain their human-like appearance for longer. Moreover, they’re not in a world with mutated zombies, like lickers or even the molded. He has zero idea what they are, but he chuckles when he remembers how she made him promise to not face any zombie out of the ordinary before he left for this expedition.

Ah, there’s a hammer in the hands of this corpse, poor thing. At least they’ll go knowing their weapon will help others.

Rook leaving for this expedition is a subject they kept on disagreeing even as he put his feet out of the door of their “base”, as she calls it. The house had long been properly barricaded, and together they fix whatever they can to make sure their every need is met until they figure out a way to return home. Yet, the pace they do things would greatly increase if one were to be in the house at all times while the other goes out for supplies runs and hunting for clues on why they’re here and how to leave.

“But it’d be safer if we were together!” she insisted, handing him a bag with things he might need on the journey. The way she still takes care of him despite not agreeing with his choices warms his heart. She’s just so beautiful. “What if something happens? You’ll be all alone and I won’t ever know!”

“My dear,” he had answered then, taking her hands in his and kissing them tenderly, cherishing the blush that rises to her cheeks despite the age of their relationship, “There is simply not one thing in all worlds that will keep me from coming back to you. If it is proven that it’s too dangerous to be alone, then we will return to how we were. I promise you.”

He had then pressed their lips together before stepping out of the house, chuckling at the grumbling under her breath that reached his good ears.

Oh, how he misses his beloved gem, his breathtaking muse, his most cherished. He can’t wait to go home—he can already see it in the distance—and greet her with a kiss that will hopefully steal her breath away as much as her mere presence steals his. He’ll show her the fruits of his travels, the last two days he spent alone under the skies and away from her resplendence, and ask her for a kiss at every new item, knowing they can’t deny each other. He’ll take off his clothes and clean himself so they can share a moment together in the kitchen, make and eat dinner, and then share another one in the living room, bodies intertwined in comfort on the couch. He’ll kiss her once and twice and thrice and how many times it takes for her smile to make the stars blush in defeated awe, and then he’ll kiss her more to make sure those pesky stars know she is all Rook’s, and he is not a selfless man.

He’ll throw his bag on the floor and rush to the busted front door just in time to hear her scream from the bedroom.

[headfullof-ideas]

I was gonna respond to @httyd-nerd in the reply section of my last Httyd/The Deep post, but it was getting long so I’m just putting it here where I can further elaborate on my frustrations and dilemma.

Part of writing this crossover is figuring out how characters from opposite shows will react and get along with one another. And to the surprise of who knows who else but absolutely not me, Alpheus has been a bit tricky in figuring this out. This might be a tangent on how I view his character, especially in how I write him, but partly to demonstrate how FRUSTRATED he’s making me.

Alpheus is not my favorite character. He’s not my least favorite, not by far. He’s just not my blorbo like I know he is for others. But he is an interesting character to write entirely because of how layered and flawed he is. He’s the epitome of an unreliable narrator, he thinks fairly high of himself and his own abilities, and has a lot of unresolved issues he refuses to resolve because he’s way too paranoid to get help. This makes for interesting relationships with other characters.

Except I’m really struggling with figuring out how he may get along with Dagur. It doesnt’ help that Dagur in this story, specifically the start, is a mix of his later RTTE counterpart, and his early version. He’s still deranged, but he’s enthusiastically optimistic to the point of coming across as insane too, and a bit softer because he grew up with Heather, and started dragon riding WAY earlier than he did in the show. Dagur and Alpheus are a bit similar to me in that they’re both the slightly mentally unbalanced enemy to the main protagonists, who are redeemed later down the line. Unfortunately, to me, I feel that’s where similarities wind up ending. They’ve got different personalities and goals and ways of going about them. They’ve got different backgrounds, and talents. And in some ways I can actually see them clashing. And it’s mostly because of Alpheus’s own flaws, for me at least.

Alpheus is an interesting character, and the few times I’ve written him he’s always been really fun because of how I dive into his psyche and how he perceives things. He’s a dramatic loser who instigates a rivalry with a thirteen year old, naming the thirteen year old his nemesis, and then loses to said thirteen year old hundreds of times. He’s probably wanted for a few felonies because of all the times he’s hacked the WOA and who knows who else, and might not even exist in the name of the law because we don’t know how long he was with the Guardians. This guy might not even have a birth certificate. Alpheus is an interesting character, and I’ve grown to like working with him…thing is he’s got a bit of a stick up his butt in regard to himself. He’s arrogant about his own intelligence, certainly being very intelligent, running his sub and modifying ARIA with little issues from a relatively young age, and evading all authorities for a very long time. But he’s socially stupid because he was raised by the Guardians, and I don’t think he was ever faced with the challenge of learning something from someone smarter than him, let alone interacting with someone as smart as or smarter than him. I think for the longest time Alpheus was the smartest person in the room, and never had to deal with someone actually challenging his own intellect. This isn’t helped with him not having an idea on how to respectfully talk to other people either.

Connected to that, Alpheus kind of brushes off anyone he doesn’t deem worth his time. His main focus was always finding Lemuria and getting the device (as he never actually learns what it is) to control the Monumentials, and also his somewhat one-sided rivalry with Ant. Ant was the only character I really remember him actually acknowledging. When he first met Fontaine, he just brushed off her attempts at breaking into his sub like she were a tiny, pesky fly, and he never really acknowledged her beyond being a nuisance through the rest of the show. I remember when Kaiko was mad about something (i don’t specifically remember the episode) he just commented ‘Mothers. So emotional.’ Didn’t really acknowledge her. I don’t even really remember any interaction he’s had with Will, which just adds to this. When they’re dealing with the Jellyfish Monumential, he brushes off everything Kaiko says, which can be alluded to spending a few months alone and losing his mind trying to escape, but there were other times he doubted her skills and abilities, specifically her piloting maneuvers when it came to escaping the Jellyfish. Even though, with his stalking tendencies, he had to know she was an accomplished submarine pilot. But he couldn’t do anything to escape, so why should she be able to do anything? Whenever Ant or anyone else opposed what Alpheus said was fact, he always kind of dismissed them, because I think in his mind there was no way they knew better than him. He only ever focused on Ant because he said himself that Ant was worthy of being his nemesis, or something along those lines, i don’t remember the specific words. But to me, he just always brushes off anyone he doesn’t see as worth his time and effort, doesn’t take them as seriously.

Which is where it’s hard for me to figure out his dynamic with Dagur. Dagur is an accomplished warrior, and certainly no idiot. He’s smart in his own right, and proved to be a real problem for Berk and the Riders many times. He was no Hiccup in regard to intelligence, but he’s not stupid. He’s got a bit of a temper, an obsession with being obsessed with everything he does, and doesn’t really give up ever. Man hounded Hiccup for four years to be his brother until Hiccup finally accepted the adoption. But he’s got Deranged in his name, and I just can’t help but think that Alpheus might not think too highly of him. Dagur’s plans are a lot more thought on the fly while following a loose rubric he came up with five minutes before hand, with a lot more brute strength, whereas Alpheus plans with his head and ahead of time. I just can’t help but think that Alpheus wouldn’t immediately respect Dagur, thinking he’s a crazy lunatic who doesn’t think anything through (which isn’t entirely wrong), and isn’t smart enough to understand anything Alpheus says. I think he’d just dismiss anything Dagur says about anything going on, especially when it comes to planning, which would drive Dagur insane, as he is quick to rise with a temper sometimes. I see them clashing at first, because Alpheus is still Alpheus and is obsessed with Ant, except by that point Dagur has claimed Ant as his brother, and he was there first(which now that I’m thinking about it, opens up some interesting potential for Alpheus and Viggo interacting. Viggo is essentially an older, more experienced, and grounded Alpheus after all, who also has prior interaction with Ant). I think it would take Dagur coming up with something that forces Alpheus to acknowledge that no, he’s not actually stupid, for things to change, but where they change I don’t know, because Alpheus is filled with pride and an inability to admit he’s wrong, and Dagur is a proud Berserker, in every aspect.

I do see Dagur getting a kick out of messing with Alpheus, which just pisses Alpheus off.

[anisaanisa]

Limerence: The Masterpost ☆

I couldn't miss the opportunity for another canon-flavoured masterpost, so here I go again with Limerence. This collection is a prequel to Homecoming, so if you're not ready to say goodbye, by all means, carry on! The structure remains: above the cut lies links, and below lurks a prompt breakdown where I attempt to justify everything that just happened. Onward!

Tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Read it on AO3 ▶ Previous Masterposts: Homecoming〡Evermore

This is your rest stop. Beyond the Keep Reading banner are many words and manga caps for those with a vested interest in Inuyasha headcanons/meta/anecdotes. Snacks applicable!

The Personal Bit ☆

ALRIGHT, masks off besties. Are they your OTP? Cause they’re my OTP too, and we should consider bursting into flames about it together (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

I didn't think I’d participate with writing this year, until about a week before the event, when I was frying-panned with some notions. As a fellow bearer of the curse, it started with a seedling of Kagome looking out for Inuyasha in the modern era, whether she realised it or not and even if, logically, she knew better, and snowballed from there. So, I blasted through each prompt with the intention of keeping them short, and after a survey back, each chapter grew deceptively longer, and I thought: why not add a stair [100 words] to Kagome's case for each day?

This particular canon universe is approached thusly: the prompt is the starting point, and the characters do the rest. I don't control the narrative, the narrative controls me, type thing. Hence, chapters are plot-negative, and times skips are abundant. Anyway. Enough waxing!

Note: I am working with the Viz English translation of the Inuyasha manga with some anime filler for seasoning, and the timeframe for the 3-year separation falls loosely between 1998-2001.

Final Note: Limerence spoilers start here.

Prompt Breakdown ☆

Day 1: Love Language(s)

Summary: Kagome's been distracted. Or, I hc that Kagome spent a good amount of time away with the fairies (and trying to catch up with school) when she first got back. Thoughts and Feels:

Love Language(s) were coined in 1992; the likelihood of them being such a commonly adopted phrase/ideology was as slim as Kagome knowing what her friends were going on about. They're a relatively new conception of navigating romance, but that doesn't mean buzzwords didn't make it into those teen mags we remember so well, though! Point for fuck it we ball!

For better or worse, friends are gonna be a tad nosy, and Kagome’s definitely were. Consistently and without fail:

Chapter 23, Volume 3, Mask of Flesh ☆

—and how else to feel her “snapping back into the room” in 100 words, if not when confronted with mathematics?

Chapter 411, Volume 42, The Kind One ☆

Fun Fact: There is a small high chance I spent the most time on this one overall because trying to spin a tale in 100 words is wild.

Day 2: Possession

Summary: Kagome acts on impulse. Or, I hc that uncanny resemblances might ruin a girl's day out. Thoughts and Feels:

Okay, yeah, okay, technically the baseball cap didn't happen in the manga. But this is why filler episodes are good for the ecosystem, or something.

Shock can have a lot of side effects. Confusion, agitation, complete and utter lack of personal or road safety (to name a few), and in Kagome's case here, shoving Inuyasha-shaped familiarity under her nose when she least expected it had her acting up, because not only has the well been sealed off for X time, she was used to him acting up whenever he stepped foot in the modern era:

Chapter 392, Volume 40, A Peaceful Meal ☆

Her friends still care, though! Cause that's what friends are for! As wild of a creature as Kagome can be, they're aware of her “struggles” with her health, and are oddly used to her odd ways:

Chapter 35, Volume 4, A Little Imp ☆

Fun Fact: I rewrote that last line, like, 7 times. The free writing tag is actually fake news.

Day 3: Safe

Summary: Kagome's has a nightmare. Or, I hc that a brave face doesn't do much when she's at her most vulnerable. Thoughts and Feels:

If you've ever had nightmares/night terrors/sleep paralysis, you'll know how, well, terrifying they can be. Lucid states between sleep and wakefulness has a nasty way of warping perceptions, and with everything Kagome witnessed, her dreamscapes had to be vivid, especially after her stint in the jewel, where reality and fantasy blurred real bad, and what's worse, it taunted her about it:

Chapter 554, Volume 56, High School Life ☆

To further that point, Inuyasha gets brutal - beheadings, graphic slaughterings (sometimes at the hands of an MC eheh), you know, justgirlythings - and therefore toned down for television, as anime adaptations often are. Kagome was 15, and while she did that, it would leave a mark. Trauma, guys. We're talking about trauma now.

If the reference was caught during her tiny tale: the scene with Mama H being shook to fuck over her baby glowing is anime-only, but I really dig the idea that she knew something was up with Kagome from Day 0, really aided in reasoning why she was so okay with her daughter doing all that, thank you for understanding. Another point for filler!

Fun Fact: I…barely remember writing this one, actually, truly, read it back a week later like: don't know her. I love her like any proud mother, though!

Day 4: Modern

Summary: Kagome asks a question she doesn’t like the answer to. Or, I hc that curiosity killed the cat. Thoughts and Feels:

The trickiest one, in terms of setting. I spent too much time looking into the availability and flavours of historical records in Tokyo (particularly 2000ish, bc digital archives weren't that hot then) and came to the conclusion that while yes, it was possible for her to gain access to [something], no, it wasn't very likely she'd come across any death records, (specifically Koseki) for her friends, with the added bonus that family names are notably lacking until 1868. But take Kagome's resourcefulness + Japan's love for paperwork, and it led me here – to some kinda fake archive with fake books and fake names that could potentially be somebody that she used to know. And while I try my best to be respectful of the people and the setting I'm writing within, I asked myself bluntly, if I really gave a fuck about being accurate in this regard/fictional setting, and the answer was also: no. There isn't a Sunset Shrine either, so a fictional National Archives with The Right Documents there shall be.

Of all the Fuedal-Inuyasha characters, I feel like Sango is the one that would have Done Something to leave a mark, somewhere written on paper. You know...Badass Women For Agriculture Union [codeword for demon slaying], something. Yeah, Miroku was a holy man, but we're not talking about history right now, we're talking about Herstory.

And finally, that moment. The one where Kagome almost cracked and unleashed self-inflicted rage on some guy, cause time didn't cease to exist for them. The thing about Kagome, apart from her being an all round great character, is that she isn't tame, nor timid, and certainly no shrinking violet. But where she's brash and loud and (sometimes) quick to anger, she's also kind. And reasonable, and at the core, a wonderful person, and that duality is what makes her so lovable, relatable, and fun to write. Lookit her:

Chapter 175, Volume 185, Where They First Met ☆

Fun Fact: I really wanted to point out that Kagome was supposed to be in her high school uniform, but writing restriction said naur. Irrelevant. Also, this is my favourite chapter. Weird, right? Haha?

Day 5: Heat

Summary: Kagome hears a bump in the night. Or, I hc that stranger things have occurred than a random bout of sleepwalking while living with PTID (Post Traumatic Isekai Disorder). Thoughts and Feels:

There was a small blip in time where this chapter skewed Mature. Explicit, even. Something about imagining a certain someone in a compromising position, but then the wind changed direction, and I went for literal heat. Japanese summers are stifling, and heat...is hot. Ace card, go!

Lunar charts and such: they don't add up when you compare two points in time, 500 years apart. But there could still be some peculiar celestial moon stuff that led a sleep-deprived Kagome to have a gander at the moon, especially when it's new.

Chapter 140, Volume 15, The Other Side of the Well ☆

Inuyasha had a brilliant way of turning up when she least expected him, or staying away when she wanted to see him the most. There are little things that happen, like an open window or remnants of a dream that might stay with her upon waking, to lead her to think-maybe it was him?

Chapter 287, Volume 29, Mimisenri ☆

BEHIND THE SCENES REVEAL: Kagome was the one who opened her door and tried to feed the cat, but it didn't work, because sleepwalkers are silly. Easter Eggy Subtext: Buyo is the catalyst, but Kagome is the key. Think about it.

Chapter 494, Volume 50, Two Worlds ☆

Day 6: Courting

Summary: Kagome tries her best. Or, I hc that Kagome gives it the old college effort, a la jewel illusion. Thoughts and Feels:

Kagome's family want the best for her. Kagome's friends are boy-crazy hen-peckers. Hojo is cute, and has always shown an interest in Kagome. Therefore: it would be wild to assume she didn't at least say yes, once, to going out with him, even if she knew it really wasn't going to go anywhere:

Chapter 140, Volume 15, The Other Side of the Well ☆

Sometimes you have to do things to understand how much you don't want to do that thing. At this point in time, Kagome's coming up for graduation, she's spent almost 3 years dealing with everything that happened to her, and she's not a complete tool. However, the mind wanders, especially when you'd rather someone else's company:

Chapter 69, Volume 8, Sensing Presences ☆

She's going to give the modern era one last shot – because while romance isn't everything, it can be part of something – before throwing in the towel and saying fuck it, I tried. And as Kagome's will Kagome, she'd want to make an effort for the sake of others:

Chapter 35, Volume 4, A Little Imp ☆

Fun Fact: This chapter (and the next) ended up floating around 1.5K at first draft. I'd like to formally apologise to the words lost in transit, you will be missed.

Day 7: Smile

Summary: Kagome comes home. Or, I hc that Kagome finally puts her wants, needs and feelings first, and those might suspiciously man-shaped. Thoughts and Feels:

Yeahyeah, the “I never thought I'd write this”, we've all seen it. But it's true! Never thought I'd write a chapter retelling, and this one is that fact's poster child. They aren't my bag (to read or to write) but the ending was there all along, obviously:

Chapter 494, Volume 50, Two Worlds ☆

The right wish, the wrong wish, a selfish wish, a selfless wish – as many Isekai's go, wish fulfilment is a huge part of the narrative (not just for Kagome, but so many of the characters) but she, unlike others, had a huge weight on her shoulders about making the right one that I wanted to tease out that moment where she gets it:

Awfully familiar cap is familiar, Chapter 558, Volume 56, Tomorrow ☆

Are you sure you're supposed to be there, Miss Thing? Life doesn't end just because you finished a job, or have to feel beholden to a sense of home. Home can be anywhere! Home can be a person! You can do it, bestie. Do it for her! Her is you! Go Kagome!

Chapter 79, The Fruits of Evil ☆

She made her dreams – from acing school, to making her family proud, to seeing Inuyasha again – a reality. There's really nothing more I can say about that, it's all there. She chose herself! And that included him! Ain't that neat!

Fun Fact: In Japanese, Inuyasha calls her a baka. In the scanlation, he calls her an idiot. In the English sub/dub, he calls her an idiot. In the Viz translation (the one I refer to most) he calls her a fool. Imho, in English, he says idiot, cause Inuyasha has zero respect and carries that no-finesse kind of rizz. Bless him.

Bonus Fun Fact: Chapters like this are why I'm such a flaming monster about writing advice being a tool, not a rule. Those last two lines, without the use of But and And at the beginning, would not carry the same weight and timing I wanted to achieve, therefore, you can pry them as sentence starters out of my cold, dead hands.

The End.

Weehee! This could have been way longer (you're thinking how, I'm thinking I'm proud of how restrained I was) but alas, we've reached the end. Thanks again to @inukag-week for hosting the event of all time! I love them sooo much. Sososo much, they're the best little guys 🎉

If you have any questions, comments or concerns, click here to send me an ask! I love not shutting up about them 🛸

ttyl bbs 🤸

[scorchedhearth]

Day. 30 NOTE TO SELF: DON'T GET KIDNAPPED

Manhandled | Hair Grabbing | “Please don’t touch me.”

set early in the nebulous lost days era

“He’s in here.” Jason sags in his bounds when he hears those words spoken beyond the heavy door that closes the room. He has no idea what it looks like, only that it stinks of mold and rot, that’s it cold and humid and empty enough that some echo answers him when he tried to speak. He’s been here for about three hours now, not counting the hour and a half in the car to get there, an hour on the dirt roads before reaching highways taking him to the city. Roughly five hours since he’s left the facilities, not enough to worry anyone, not yet anyway.

He listens as the door is pushed open, hinges whining either from age or the weight of the door. He hopes it’s the former and not the latter, if he wants a chance to get out this way. There are three footsteps, coming straight to him and he tries to control his breathing under the heavy bag they slipped over his head, keeping it calm and steady despite his pulse picking up.

“Where d’you find him?” A rough voice asks, answered by the man who caught him. Well. The one he let himself be caught by, there’s only so much one can do without getting information straight from the source, and there aren’t many ways to get inside a drug operation, even if it’s a small one.

“He was lurking through a window, I caught him before he could run off.” The first voice hums, then clicks his tongue.

“Think he saw anything important?” Whatever answers he gets is not verbal, and he doesn’t think it’s one he likes because seconds later the bag is tugged off his head and thrown at his feet, sudden lights blinding him.

“Jesus, that’s a fucking child,” a third vice grits out and it takes all of Jason’s focus to not tell him off.

“I didn’t see nothing!” He babbles out, gets a few tears in his eyes and in the tone of his voice, looks around frantically, at the old wooden door behind the three, the lack of windows in what looks like a basement, the guns slipped in their waste bands and their faces in great details.

“Sure you didn’t,” the one in the middle, the big boss’s right arm from Jason’s investigation, scoffs. He’s wearing an expensive white suit, stark contrast to the jeans and hoodie of the two flanking him

“I swear! On my mama’s head I swear,” he quickens his cadence and shakes where he’s kneeling. “I was jus’ hungry, wanted to find somethin’ to eat.”

“Cute story,” white suit continues. “But I find it hard to believe, given the lack of roads near this place and your real nice, real clean clothes. Who sent you?” And shit.

Shit, it wasn’t supposed to go like this. He was supposed to play them, at least long enough so that he could slip into the main building unsuspected, but now it’s gonna be harder to disappear in the shadows if they’re watching him.

“Eh,” Jason smirks and shifts his posture, relaxes his shoulders and stops the pointless crying. He may be in trouble but he’s not one to simply take it, and certainly not take it quietly. “How does it feel to get busted by a fucking child?” He smirks and watches as white suit gets pissed at him. He doesn’t show it, but he sees it in the twist of his mouth.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, brat,” he grabs Jason’s hair in his fist and tugs, harshly, snaps his head back so that he can stare down at him. “You’re not getting anywhere ‘til I find you sent you here.”

And all Jason can think of, stuck here in this extremely shitty situation he put himself in, struggling to even get out of his bounds, is Dick. Confident Dick who always keeps his cool and knows how to get out of any situation, even the worse.

It’s not that he’s scared, but it’s the second time he’s in this situation, completely alone, no one to back him up or come help him and his track record with that isn’t great, given it took him over a year to walk off being dead.

So he thinks of Dick, his quick thinking and complete control of himself even in the worse places and runs with it, embraces his big brother in the only way he can.

“You’re quite an optimist, aren’t you?” He grins again, all pretend but it works because the hand in his hair falters.

“What?” He asks, confusion and anger in the same word.

“You don’t have a great track record with the minors that are brought into your little business.” The words roll off his tongue almost too easily, they taste strange, and foreign, but addictive. Something he likes, dangerous and exhilarating. “They get killed easily, don’t they? Think you can hold off your trigger long enough to get an answer out of me?”

“What do you think,” white suit spits lowly and tugs harshly once before releasing Jason and pulling away one side of his jacket to reveal a knife tucked in his belt.

Shit.

“I think you lack creativity, asshole.” The grin he pulls doesn’t last long when he’s iht by the flat of a hand.

[limalosershq]

WELCOME, JUNE! OR IS THAT SEBASTIAN SMYTHE? EITHER WAY, YOU'RE A LIMA LOSER AROUND HERE NOW! Remember to look at our checklist here and then send in your account within 24 hours. That way I can send you the link to the discord server and you can get to plotting with everyone there. We all look forward to rping with you and once again, welcome to the mayhem of show choir!

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

NAME/ALIAS: june PRONOUNS: any! AGE (21+): 21+ TIMEZONE: aest ACTIVITY: with uni and work, lemme say 6/10!

IN CHARACTER INFORMATION

NAME: sebastian smythe FACECLAIM:  herman tømmeraas AGE/BIRTHDAY: twenty two, july 25th  GLEE CLUB: the warblers SONG CHOICE: touch it - ariana grande MAJOR/MINOR/GRADE: sebastian is a junior currently majoring in arts management  LOCATION: sebastian currently lives with his mother and her new, much older husband in westerville in the house she purchased with her money from the divorce. OCCUPATION: being a nepo baby, sebastian has never worked a day in his life <3  CLUBS/EXTRACURRICULARS/SPORTS: sebastian is co-captain of the dalton lacrosse team. 

LIST AT LEAST 3 HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER!

Sebastian was born in Westerville to two very wealthy parents, but was conceived in Paris. With his father a State’s Attorney from Ohio and his mother an extremely eclectic visual artist from France, Sebastian spent a lot of his childhood between the States and Europe. While Sebastian is the only child of his mom and dad, he has a lot of half siblings from his father’s many affairs over the years. The recent divorce of his parents and his mother’s new marriage certainly hasn’t made anything any simpler in that regard. All he knows is he’s the best looking out of them all.

Sebastian is perhaps the worst person you could ever meet. Rich, privileged, no-filter. It’s shocking he’s made it this far in life without getting punched in the face. He also had a reputation for being pretty sexually promiscuous, which is something he won’t deny. However, Sebastian has begun to notice that he seems to struggle with anything beyond random hook ups. Sex is great, he loves it, but he has never been able to make an emotional romantic connection with someone outside of it. He’s pretty sure he’s aromantic of some description, but is currently ensuring he’s too focused on school and Glee to think much about it. 

If you ask Sebastian’s dad what his son is doing at college, he’ll tell you he’s studying law. If you ask his mother, she’ll tell you he’s studying fashion design. Neither are true, Sebastian just has to lie in order to keep the two paying his tuition. He’s more than happy to be actually studying art management. It’s his dream to become the world’s most power-crazed agent one day. 

QUESTIONS

IS THIS WHERE YOU PICTURED YOURSELF RIGHT NOW IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS?

In Ohio? No, clearly not.. But apart from that, pretty much. I’ve always dreamed of working my way up in the arts industry so one day I can control it from the inside single-handedly and I get closer every day. The Warblers and the whole show choir thing as a collective also help, seeing just how deranged the types of people I’ll be representing one day can be. I’m building up my tolerance.

HOW’RE YOU FEELING ABOUT ALL THE SHOW CHOIR RIVALRY?

It’s hardly a rivalry at all. There are the Warblers and then we have…the other ones. They’re boring. Sloppy. Lazy. Yawning. The only other team I can even remember is the one that’s just the Warblers but I think they’re all lesbians now or something. It’s not a competition, but it’s really funny to see how hard they try. Endearing. 

WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A LIMA LOSER? WHERE EXACTLY IS YOUR LIFE HEADED, OR REALLY, WHERE SHOULD IT BE HEADING?

Well, for one, I don’t even live in Lima.  Westerville is significantly classier. Regardless, my life is headed on the up-and-up. The Warblers will dominate the season, I will continue to be one of the smartest people in my degree and so on and so forth. Do I have many friends? No. Do I have a great relationship with my parents or my 30+ half-siblings scattered across the globe? No. But I have a level of ambition only really seen in dictators, and a level of pettiness only seen in the antagonists of teen girl movies.

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Rose Lalonde

Prologue, page 2

JOHN: rose?

ROSE: How... how long have I been sleeping?

JOHN: i dunno. i just got here.

JOHN: are you ok?

ROSE: I’ll be fine.

JOHN: that looks like a lot of pills you’re taking there.

ROSE: Yeah. It’s not what you’re thinking though.

JOHN: what am i thinking?

ROSE: These are controlled substances that have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor to ease the symptoms of my condition. I am using them only as instructed.

JOHN: ok??

ROSE: So there’s nothing to worry about.

JOHN: but you said you have a condition. isn’t that...bad?

ROSE: Oh. Yes. The condition itself is not ideal, obviously. And perhaps it does constitute something to worry about, in the context of a different conversation. All I’m trying to say is, I’m not backsliding, if that’s what you’re wondering.

ROSE: I struggled with substance abuse for a while, years ago. Remember?

JOHN: rose, jesus. i wasn’t going to accuse you of being a drug addict, and i didn’t fly over here to give you an intervention.

JOHN: it sounded like you had some important stuff to tell me, and the fact that you also seem to be sick is more than a little alarming!

ROSE: I wouldn’t say I’m sick.

ROSE: Just having spectacularly debilitating headaches as a result of my visions becoming more frequent.

JOHN: oh yeah.

JOHN: what are these visions you’re having?

ROSE: I’m a Seer of Light, John.

JOHN: i know.

JOHN: so you mean like, your standard psychic visions about the future and stuff?

JOHN: what’s going to happen? should we be worried?

ROSE: It doesn’t technically pertain to the future. Well, not our future.

ROSE: My abilities have broadened considerably beyond their previous horizon. They shed light on many unseen events. Past, present, future, in realities and frames of reference that have no intersection with ours at all.

ROSE: It seems to be an unfortunate side effect of god tier abilities. They can advance at a rate beyond one’s physical ability to keep up with.

ROSE: Fortunately it doesn’t seem to be happening to anyone other than me.

JOHN: yeah, can’t say i’ve noticed anything like that.

JOHN: or improvement in my powers for that matter.

ROSE: It’s not about gaining additional power, so much as the gradual dissolving of the boundaries between your own awareness and that of your many doomed selves who perished in other timelines.

ROSE: It’s a slow and apparently rather uncomfortable accretion of knowledge. Perhaps I’m the only one to notice any change, since my aspect explicitly relates to knowledge.

JOHN: i guess that all makes sense.

JOHN: so what are these visions showing you?

ROSE: Many things. They’re quite disjointed, and sometimes hard to rearrange into coherence.

ROSE: But in totality, I have pieced together a greater understanding of our present situation and all the events that led us here.

JOHN: ...and?

ROSE: And what?

JOHN: what is it about our situation that you wanted to tell me?

JOHN: is it bad?

ROSE: Good and bad are words that don’t mean anything, beyond a certain threshold of mortal consideration.

ROSE: There’s a different scale I’ve come to understand. Another dichotomy that’s less... emotional, I guess?

ROSE: Consider, instead of the word “good,” using the word “essential.”

ROSE: And what exists at the opposite polarity from essential is...

ROSE: Something that is best not to contemplate.

JOHN: what are you talking about?

JOHN: this sounds fucked up.

ROSE: Yes, that sounds like a reaction you would definitely have to the things I’m telling you.

ROSE: I really should cut it out, and just start from the beginning.

ROSE: The green sun is gone.

JOHN: what??

ROSE: It has been destroyed. At least, from the current frame of reference it has.

ROSE: It still existed, and therefore in a way that’s hard to explain, currently exists, over a nearly infinite span of time, presiding over the birth and death of countless universes.

ROSE: But this universe, our universe, is not one of them.

JOHN: you saw this in a vision?

ROSE: No. Jade told me.

JOHN: she did?

JOHN: how does she know?

ROSE: She can’t draw from its power anymore. She no longer has the ability of a First Guardian.

ROSE: It has been this way for several years. I suspect she has kept this fact on the downlow, however.

JOHN: that’s...

JOHN: surprising, i guess?

JOHN: or maybe not. i dunno, it’s not like she tells me a whole lot these days.

ROSE: It’s also not like she’s had any particular need to unleash the full fury of the green sun, not while she’s been gallivanting around with Dave and Karkat under whatever perplexing social arrangement they have settled on.

ROSE: Anyway, her account of the sun’s destruction syncs up with the data supplied by my visions. I have no doubt it’s gone.

JOHN: how did that happen?

ROSE: It doesn’t matter much, for our purposes.

ROSE: There was a cataclysmic event. A suicide strike by a very powerful being. Much like the one Dave and I attempted, once upon a time.

ROSE: But it turned out the explosive force we released was only a catalyst. A causal gesture. What was needed to destroy the sun was a consumptive assault.

JOHN: consumptive?

ROSE: The entire sun was swallowed by a supermassive black hole.

ROSE: I digress though.

ROSE: There’s really no route through this expository garden path that will adequately cushion you from the bottom line, John.

ROSE: You will need to travel back into canon and defeat Lord English.

JOHN: yeah, i had a feeling that was going to come up again someday.

ROSE: I’m sure we all did. That is, even those of us without visions.

JOHN: i was doing my best not to think about it. i guess we can’t put it off any longer then?

ROSE: Now is the time. We are rapidly approaching a point of no return. If the decision isn’t made soon, it will be too late. The issue will no longer matter.

JOHN: when exactly is the point of no return?

ROSE: Today.

JOHN: wow.

JOHN: ok then.

JOHN: first, one question. um...

JOHN: why?

ROSE: Why what?

JOHN: why do i need to go back and beat him?

JOHN: i mean, sorry if this is a stupid question. i guess he’s a huge awful monster, and that’s just what you’re supposed to do with huge awful monsters. take them down for their crimes, and such.

JOHN: but why does he actually need to be defeated at all? to be honest, it’s been years since we’ve even bothered thinking about any of this, and everything seems...

JOHN: fine?

ROSE: Of course everything is fine here.

ROSE: We’re outside of canon now.

JOHN: yeah, i know. what does that actually MEAN though?

JOHN: are you saying this isn’t really happening?

ROSE: Of course it’s happening.

ROSE: Just because certain events take place outside of canon, it doesn’t mean those events are non-canon.

JOHN: oh.

ROSE: In other words, there is an important distinction between events which can be considered to occur inside canon, outside canon, and those which are not canon at all.

ROSE: The day we went through that door and claimed our reward, we passed a threshold between continua marked by differing degrees of relevance, truth, and essentiality.

ROSE: Those are the three pillars of canon.

JOHN: what?

ROSE: Any event said to take place inside canon will have nonzero values of relevance and essentiality, while maintaining an absolute foundation in truth, by definition.

ROSE: Whereas events outside canon have diminished values of relevance and essentiality. Or, for the most part, can be considered neither relevant nor essential at all.

ROSE: But such events can’t be said to be untrue either. Instead, it’s better to regard their truth value as highly conditional.

ROSE: Are you still following?

JOHN: oh, yeah. totally.

ROSE: So to be clear, everything that’s taken place here on Earth C since we exited canon can be considered completely irrelevant, and for the most part, absolutely inessential. Yet none of it can be called untrue.

ROSE: At least, up until precisely today.

JOHN: ok.

JOHN: then what does non-canon mean?

ROSE: Events that are formally non-canon have no truth whatsoever, by definition.

ROSE: They may have relevance and essentiality values that are nonzero, or even quite high, but only as projections along an imaginary axis, resulting from highly subjective frames of reference.

ROSE: But due to those events having no truth, and thus carrying no real weight, the other properties are basically rendered meaningless.

ROSE: John?

ROSE: Are you okay? Your pupils have gone quite wide, thereby facilitating the appearance that your mind has just been blown.

JOHN: sorry, i’m just trying to wrap my head around this.

ROSE: You of all people really should have a good intuitive grasp over these concepts already.

ROSE: You’re the one with the retcon powers, after all.

JOHN: i know!

JOHN: like, i mostly get it. i think.

JOHN: i just wouldn’t have thought to put all of this in such a jargony way.

ROSE: Sorry. That’s kind of what I do.

JOHN: it’s fine. i’m just a bit rusty is all.

JOHN: it feels like it’s been so long since i did, or even thought about... anything that mattered at all.

ROSE: Yes, the longer we live outside of canon, the more tenuous our relationship with canon becomes.

ROSE: Hence the urgency.

JOHN: then what’s going to happen if we keep dragging our feet?

ROSE: I mentioned that events outside canon have a truth value that tends to be conditional, remember?

JOHN: um.

ROSE: Well, I did. But let me put it another way.

ROSE: As long as we live outside canon, everything that happens will technically be “real,” but only conditionally.

ROSE: There are certain crucial events inside canon which must happen in order to continue to prop up the legitimacy of events here on Earth C.

ROSE: And you specifically, John, have a responsibility to make sure those events take place.

JOHN: and i take it that means going back and killing lord english?

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: His defeat is the keystone to this entire continuity.

ROSE: Much like his life, in some sick way, governed the overall design of the bridge which that keystone was holding up.

ROSE: But without it, all of this falls apart. Every thing we’ve been through, in a way that’s impossible for a single mind to fully comprehend, becomes retroactively discredited.

JOHN: so... reality will be destroyed, or something?

JOHN: hasn’t that already sort of happened?

JOHN: i mean, when all the black space started cracking?

ROSE: No, this consequence isn’t physical, or even a disruption of the timeline. It’s more of a conceptual unraveling.

ROSE: If you miss the chance to authenticate canon events, something will take place that’s a bit difficult to describe, but I’ve encountered a term for it.

ROSE: It’s called “dissipation.”

ROSE: Like, a notional fading. As if something, somewhere, is undergoing a process of “forgetting,” and we are what is being forgotten.

ROSE: All ideas, people and their full potentialities, possible outcomes and their specific unfolding, all these things live inside conscious frameworks.

ROSE: The further removed we get from authentication of canon events, the less relevant they become, and they slowly fade from the conscious frameworks which kept them stable.

JOHN: ok, i guess we don’t want THAT to happen.

JOHN: or... unhappen. whatever.

JOHN: so i just retcon-poof back to english and start like...

JOHN: brawling with the dude?

ROSE: Don’t be ridiculous. You wouldn’t last a second.

ROSE: You’ll need a team.

ROSE: Also, you don’t want to just dive headlong into a battle with his hulking adult form. That would be tactically foolish, and furthermore, would skip over some very important steps needed to authenticate canon.

JOHN: like what?

ROSE: I mentioned that English’s defeat was the keystone to the continuity. But this is an oversimplification.

JOHN: yikes. well, we sure as fuck wouldn’t want to simplify anything.

ROSE: John, please don’t be a bitch. I’m unwell, remember?

JOHN: sorry.

ROSE: The true keystone, which is a necessary component of his defeat, is the juju.

ROSE: The house-shaped object you stuck your hand in to gain your retcon powers.

JOHN: oh yeah.

ROSE: While empty, it resembles a gap. Like a hole in canon, whose only purpose is to be filled.

ROSE: In serving that purpose, it grants one with the radical canon-altering powers that would be needed to fill it.

ROSE: Once filled, it becomes solid. No longer a gap, but a serviceable, load-bearing wedge in our continuity.

ROSE: Like a keystone.

ROSE: And once delivered to English and directed his way, it empties itself again, releasing its narrative-bridging payload. It functions as a weapon, and in some manner will bring about his demise.

JOHN: in some manner?

ROSE: It’s a complicated artifact. As old and unfathomable as anything else in Paradox Space, like the green sun, or English himself. Don’t worry about it for now.

ROSE: The important thing is that, in the due course of your travels, you end up loading and unloading this weapon.

JOHN: how am i going to do that?

ROSE: Once you set things in motion, it should just happen naturally through the narrative momentum of your journey. I’m really just warning you about it, rather than instructing you.

JOHN: ok. thanks??

ROSE: You’re welcome.

JOHN: so if we’re going to go back and kill him in time to “authenticate canon,” i guess we have to get going soon.

JOHN: like today?

ROSE: Yes.

JOHN: are you sure you’re actually up for a fight though? no offense, but you’re looking a little worse for the wear.

ROSE: I’m not going.

JOHN: oh.

ROSE: None of us are. Only you.

JOHN: what?? but you said...

ROSE: John, this is the victory state.

JOHN: what the hell does that even mean.

ROSE: When we went through the door, and passed beyond the threshold of canon, we effectively retired from bearing any responsibility for influencing canon events. We’ve all been sort of decommissioned as active players on the cosmic stage, with severely diminished relevance attributes.

ROSE: All of us except for you, of course, since you’ve retained your retcon abilities.

JOHN: ok, i get that. kind of.

JOHN: but... couldn’t you all just come along anyway?

ROSE: We could. But it wouldn’t serve any purpose.

ROSE: It wouldn’t plug up the remaining dark spots in canon.

ROSE: You’ll need a group of active players. Those still stuck inside the stream of canonic karma.

JOHN: who?

ROSE: Nothing too extravagant. Just different versions of us.

ROSE: Younger versions, from a particularly dysfunctional impasse in our journey.

ROSE: I can point out the exact moment in canon you should be disrupting, and how you should disrupt it.

ROSE: In fact, I’ve already written it down to spare you the trouble of remembering.

JOHN: huh.

ROSE: Is anything confusing about my instructions?

JOHN: no, i remember all this. it shouldn’t be a problem.

JOHN: it’s just weird to think about revisiting this. it seems like an eternity. like... we were all completely different people back then.

ROSE: I assure you we are all still fundamentally the same bunch of losers.

JOHN: should i really punch her in the face?

JOHN: i felt kinda bad about it, last time i did that to someone.

ROSE: Yes. You absolutely should, and must, punch her in the face.

JOHN: alright. this seems straightforward enough.

JOHN: i mean, aside from the part where we all have to fight an invincible monster.

ROSE: He isn’t entirely invincible. He will be vulnerable to Dave’s weapon. I believe other gambits should present themselves as well.

ROSE: I don’t think it would serve the mission well for me to tell you exactly how it will go.

ROSE: But at least I can offer this bit of encouragement.

ROSE: If you follow my instructions, English will be defeated.

ROSE: It is an absolutely essential outcome.

ROSE: And essential, if you’ll remember, is the word we should be using instead of good.

JOHN: i see you’re advising we go after him when he’s young...

JOHN: i guess that makes sense.

JOHN: go get him before he gets all big and strong.

JOHN: like, kind of a surprise attack?

ROSE: Sure.

JOHN: that dude sucks.

JOHN: he was taunting me a while back.

JOHN: like, i think he WANTS me to come fight him?

JOHN: anyway, i just ignored him obviously, because i’m not a stupid idiot.

JOHN: but i guess today will be his lucky day.

JOHN: i should probably get going and let you rest.

JOHN: we can talk all about it when i get back. i’ll fill you in on how it went, hopefully you’ll be feeling better by then.

ROSE: Oh. Um.

ROSE: Yeah.

JOHN: is something wrong?

JOHN: i’m not scared, if that’s what you’re worried about.

JOHN: you already said we’re going to defeat him. so, nothing to fret over, right?

ROSE: Yes. You...

ROSE: You’re going to do great.

ROSE: Goodbye, John.

[phantomwarrior12]

Hell Our Own

It worries him.

Crow knew taking on this Nightmare - finally coming face-to-face with Uldren Sov - would be difficult to say the least. Beyond the obvious struggle with identity, relentless guilt-tripping and persistent jabs. Beyond that uneasy pang in the back of his mind that fixates on every speck, every fragment of his current tendencies - tendencies that mirror Uldren's. Beyond the pitying looks and worried words, Crow knows this is the closest to hell he's ever been.

He just didn't realize he'd dragged the Young Wolf down with him.

Even now, in the safety of the H.E.L.M., his Guardian is uneasy. He's currently eyeing the Royal Guard Caiatl had assigned to watch Crow inside these walls. But Crow recalls the ache he'd felt when Uldren spoke during their Nightmare containment a few hours prior. He remembers the anger, the searing rage that welled in his partner before it was promptly quashed and he behaved as though nothing had happened. As if every jab Uldren had taken was of no consequence.

Sunset drifts to the hand canon secured on the Guardian's hip. The Young Wolf’s arms are crossed and he is propped against the doorway beside Crow but that weapon had been the only thing he used during the containment. No heavy. No super. He's pretty sure he even heard an anguished scream but…not out loud.

The Guardian would never show that much emotion in the field.

"Hey," he nudges the Guardian gently and his helmet tilts toward him.

That's not his full attention and Crow knows that. He pushes off the wall, maneuvering in front of his partner to obstruct his view of the Cabal looming in the background.

The Young Wolf’s head readjusts and Crow is certain his gaze is fixed solely on him.

"You don't have to hang around here all day. I'm sure–" he pauses, glancing over his shoulder and shakes his head, "I know you have better things to do than have a staring contest with him."

The Guardian snorts, uncrossing his arms as he straightens up as well. He pats Crow’s shoulder but beyond that, makes no move to leave.

"Go on, I'm sure you're tired. I'll meet you back at the apartment once–"

The Guardian’s hand has slipped into his, the other cradling his cheek tenderly.

"What are you–?"

"I am where I want to be, Little Light." He says gently, leaning his helmet against Crow’s forehead.

"Better question is how why the H.E.L.M." Crow snorts but leans into the contact regardless.

His fingers twitch against Crow's cheek, his frame a touch stiffer as the Hunter smoothes his hands along the Guardian's chestplate.

"What's wrong?"

The Guardian pulls his head back to shake it but Crow reaches up, cradling the edge of his helmet.

"Don't push me away right now. Eris mentioned the bond can be…complicated. I'm sure some of those emotions are my fault. Let me help you."

His Guardian’s head lifts, looking pointedly at the guard behind him.

"Don't suppose you could give us a minute?" He pivots, looking up at the Cabal.

The guard doesn't answer, but it does glare.

"I'll take that as a no…"

"Apartment?" The Young Wolf offers softly.

"Yeah, that might be best."

"Think they can spare you?"

"Don't think I'm really needed without you in the field, so…yeah, I think we have a bit." He tries a smile but the way his Guardian holds himself - it doesn't help.

None of this will help. But he has to try.

Beyond the Leviathan, Eris mentioned it was more likely for the Nightmare to manifest. It could even happen on Earth, especially if strong emotions were expressed.

There is that lingering fear but his Guardian comes first - Nightmare or not.

The journey back to Earth, back to their,  home is a quiet one. The Guardian holds his hand most of the flight. One interlocked with his, the other on the controls.

His Ghost, of course, voices some concerns but they're alayed with some gentle reassurances and a promise not to crash the ship at the expense of holding Crow’s hand.

The walk is…not as comfortable. As if the reality of what they're going to discuss has greater the weight the closer they are to closed doors. Through it all, the hold on Crow’s hand grows exponentially tighter and his Guardian has to be reminded to school his grip twice. He does, of course, apologizing in his own way beyond words as he so often does.

But once the door closes. Once Crow turns to face him with a gentle smile, he isn't prepared to see his Guardian frozen. His hand on the door panel, his gaze fixed on the floor with his helmet still in place.

There's something that keeps Crow rooted in place, his smile faltering to an anxious expression. The silence is suffocating.

He knows that you're slipping back into your old ways. He knows you're becoming…just…like…me.

I am not! Crow's head jerks to the left, hands clenching and that's enough to snap the Guardian from his daze. He straightens a fraction, his hand dropping from the panel as he turns to face Crow.

Oh. He's ready for a fight now. Whatever will you do, Crow? Do you think he loves you enough to forget your past sins?

"Shut up," he grits out, retreating a step. 

That gun on his hip…that's not just for decoration, little bird. Uldren's voice is harsh, yet searing. It pricks and anchors. It curls and winds and binds itself around him and it draws an emotion from the depths of Crow’s heart that he cannot identify. That's your fault.

"No!" He reels and the Guardian surges forward to steady him quickly.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, little bird. What are you going to tell him? 

"Crow?" The Young Wolf’s voice is soft yet panicked as he grips Crow's shoulders firmly.

"I'm okay, I–"

"You hear him right now, don't you?"

Crow goes rigid. He hesitates. Scrambles for an excuse but when his head lifts, he realizes there is no helmet between them. 

Their eyes lock and he can read every emotion in an instant. Fear. Worry. Anger. Discomfort. But most of all, panic.

His Guardian is afraid for him.

"Maybe we should go back to the H.E.L.M.? Eris could–"

"No. No, I'm fine," he tries to reign in his emotions. Tries to steady his heartbeat. "He just, got under my skin a little. I'm fine."

His hand smoothes Crow's hair back away from his eyes yet his hold on Crow’s shoulder does not ease.

"I'm alright, Old Light. I promise."

He nods slowly, reluctantly and begins to recoil.

Aw, that's sweet. He's pretending to worry about you.

Crow grumbles under his breath a soft zip it before meeting the Guardian's gaze once more. "You wanted to talk?"

"You wanted to talk, Little Light," the Young Wolf’s head angles slightly, something like amusement in his eyes. "Remember?"

"Yes, yes, of course. I–"

Talking always solves everything. Just look at Cayde…really helped him out at the end.

The Guardian bristles. He heard it, too.

Shit. It darts through Crow's mind. Between the two of them there is enough pent up emotion that the next thing they know there's a Nightmare of Uldren Sov manifesting behind Crow.

His Guardian tugs him away, tucking him safely behind him as if the Nightmare has any power to harm him beyond mere words. Crow's hand settles on his shoulder but the Young Wolf is rigid, poised in a defensive stance with his hand hovering over the Ace of Spades.

"Easy, Old Light. Eris said–"

Forget what Eris said, little bird. Forget all of it. It's what you're good at, isn't it? It's how you cut and run–

"I'm not running! Least of all from you!" Crow barks back and the Guardian seems to relax a bit.

Oh, but you'd run from the Guardian, wouldn't you? Your fearless protector. His focus shifts to the Young Wolf and Crow’s panic ignites anew. You remember what happened and yet…you fall into bed with the man who murdered your friend.

"He's not you. He'll never be you, Sov." He bites out lowly. 

His faith in Crow soothes away some of his apprehension but it's not enough. In fact, it seems to only add fuel to Uldren's fire.

No? What about those little lies? What about–

"Enough!" Crow moves beyond his protective Guardian to face Uldren's Nightmare form. "You have no power over me. You're just a nightmare. Plain and simple. One I will rip to shreds by the time this is over! So just…go."

Oh. Why do you think I'm here, little bird? I have more power than you realize. Uldren's head tilts, a condescending kind of smile slipping into place accompanied by a hum of amusement. I'm a part of you, little bird. You tear me out, I burrow back in. You can't separate what you are because you are destined to be just like me.

His gaze shifts, The Guardian knows it, don't you, Guardian? You know exactly who Crow is, don't you? Cayde’s murderer. Soon to be your executioner, perhaps? Can you sleep beside him now? Remembering how he gutted your friend?

The Guardian straightens and for a moment, fear grips Crow. He watches that head shift side to side in a shaking motion before he steps up to Crow. He almost retreats, almost pulls away as hands slip along his cheeks. But he can't move. He can only stand and stare at his partner until warm lips press against his own.

Until the kiss registers and Crow’s fear drains away as quickly as it arose.

His head angles to accommodate the Guardian's deepening of the kiss and in an instant, his shoulders have found the wall and he is being pinned there with tenderness and affection.

He could cry he's so relieved.

It lasts maybe a minute before the Guardian lifts his head away and shifts his gaze to the Nightmare, "Could do a lot more than sleep, Sov. So how about you return to the Leviathan and we'll deal with you later?" His eyes fall back to Crow’s dazed features. "I have other priorities right now."

A few more jabs. A few more idle promises about Crow’s "downfall". He's pretty sure the Guardian is ignoring it, maybe not even listening to it to begin with. 

And he makes sure Crow won't retain any of it either.

Heated kisses and eager hands keep his focus squarely on the Guardian until that fear and apprehension ebbs. Until the Nightmare fizzles out and they're left to their own devices.

Until Crow's soft pleas spur them to the bedroom to seek comfort in one another. Until all is said and done and they find themselves cuddled beneath warm blankets and watching the sun set.

The Guardian presses a soft kiss to Crow’s temple, tracing idle patterns along his spine. Crow's starting to drift off but he still has the coherence to look up at him.

"We never talked about…whatever was bothering you."

"Had to do with Sov. There's a lot I could say to that…monster but I don't think it needs to be said. Just remember that you're not him, Little Light." Another kiss, "You're my partner. I love you. Nothing will change that, Nightmares be damned."

Crow smiles slightly, cuddling closer, "I'm happy to hear you say that. I was worried with the bond and the…well, with Uldren, your feelings may have changed."

He registers a tightening of his Guardian's embrace.

"My feelings for you will never change, Little Light. I can promise you that." 

"Can you?" He traces over a scar on the Young Wolf’s chest.

"Undoubtedly." He tilts Crow’s head up so he can press a kiss to his lips, "Now, get some sleep, Little Light."

He snuggles close and heaves a content sigh. He drifts off to the beating heart of his partner and the warmth of his embrace.

I'll see you again when I'm ready.

He can't imagine a life without him now or ever.

This is home. This is who he is.

The Crow.

The Guardian’s partner.

And that's enough.

--------------------

Taglists are open! Send an ask/leave a comment to be added!

Forevers: @halo-2 @reaped-winnower @forgotten-by-the-stars @sugarcoated44 @cayde-6 @avrosaetos

[strwberri-milk]

Passing Hands: Chapter 9 - Well Wishes

Bridgerton!AU || Diluc x Fem!Reader || Drama, Falling in Love, Slow Burn || 3 555 words

a/n - i wanna write a kaeya x reader longfic but i have no brain juices

“Welcome home,” Kaeya greets as Diluc enters his bedroom, staring at him in confusion. 

“Why are you here?” 

“I wanted to ask how your meeting went with Miss [Name] so I decided to camp out here,” he explains, looking up at Diluc expectantly. 

“If I tell you, do you promise to no longer interfere with my affairs? I think you’ve done more than enough,” Diluc glowers. 

“Yes, yes I know I know. And no more letter writing either. This is now, fully, your thing to deal with. If you come for my advice then I’ll give it to you but outside of that, no more talking to her myself,” Kaeya responds, rolling his eye. 

“Now tell me what happened! I’m practically dying of excitement right now!” 

Diluc flops down onto the bed, landing on his face and almost bouncing Kaeya off the mattress.. 

“I told her that I’m putting the letters behind us and effectively starting over. That should allow me to get closer to her in a more organic manner,” he says with a muffled voice. 

“Oh? And here I thought that marriage was the last thing on your mind,” Kaeya teases, going to sit at the foot of the bed.

“You did have a point as much as I regret to admit it. It is important for me to find a partner, at least in the eyes of society. It’ll certainly make attending functions a lot easier when I’m not being accosted left and right,” Diluc reasons, putting a practical function to relationship. 

“Are you telling me that you feel nothing for her? Truly?” 

“I barely know the woman. How can I feel anything for her? Even if I did, it’d just get in the way of properly assessing whether or not she will be adequate as a Duchess. It is important for me to make a rational decision based on what the facts of the matter are,” 

Diluc flips around to lay on his back, sprawling out on the mattress and kicking Kaeya in the back. He stares up at the canopy of his bed, letting Kaeya’s words roll around in his head.

Asking whether or not he cares is a difficult thing to answer and he struggles to really properly answer it. The words he tells him are the correct ones, ones that are befitting of a man who doesn’t really actually care about the woman he’s courting. They’re words that will get someone like him by, allow him to fulfil one of his basic social duties that he is bound to as a man of status. 

Kaeya looks down at him, not sure if he should try to offer some great advice that gives Diluc some sort of great revelation and tells him how he can navigate the world and love in three easy steps. Even if it were that easy, there’s no way he’d know what that piece of advice is, just that it exists somewhere beyond their grasp. 

“She likes you a lot. The benefit of that is that if you enter a relationship with her I doubt that you’ll find out one day that she doesn’t love you anymore. [Name] seems wholly dedicated to you, or at least to the act of falling in love with you. You’ll get your love match. The question is just if you’ll love her too,” he says, thinking aloud.

“It should not matter whether or not I love her,” Diluc reiterates. 

“If it doesn’t matter then why is it on my list?” Kaeya retorts. 

“It was because I wanted you to stay out of my hair so I gave you a variable you needed to meet that I can personally control. I can choose whether or not I love someone.” 

Kaeya falls silent for a while, humming to himself as he speaks. 

“Diluc. I don’t think that’s something you can choose. You’re already much more invested in her than you care to admit. You’re heading down a slippery slope. I don’t think you realise what that means for you.” 

“It means nothing!” Diluc glares at Kaeya, intent on making his point clear. 

“What? Is this the part where I make some silly bet with you?” Diluc scoffs. 

Kaeya stares at him in shock, figuring out that somehow he struck a nerve without even meaning to. Ever the opportunist, he takes it in stride, smirking at his older brother and crossing his arms to goad him.

“Let’s say we did make a bet. I’d say that you’ll fall in love with her because that’s what all the signs are pointing towards. Ever since you met [Name] you asked me about the debut, what I’ve noticed when observing, you’re even checking over guest lists of other balls to see if you’ll entertain gracing them with your presence for her.”

“You’d waste your time. Not only would it be childish, but I will never fall for someone,” Diluc says confidently, ignoring the small part of him saying that that wasn’t possible. 

“Love is something so easily diminished. I’m sure if I just remember my objective of not letting you prove yourself right because of how insufferable you’ll become should I prove you right. As long as I remember that I’m sure everything will be fine,” he continues.  

“I don’t think I quite believe you,” Kaeya laughs. 

“It is!” Diluc retorts almost childishly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

“Oh, I see.  So if we did decide to go through with it you’d just lie through your teeth that you don’t love her to not deal with my pestering,” the younger mocks, also crossing his arms. 

“What do you mean by that!?”

Kaeya watches as Dliuc does his best impression of being a fish out of water, sputtering as he paces the length of the room. It amuses him so, making him chuckle a little before deciding to continue. 

“Come now, you can’t tell me you don’t feel that warmth for her budding up in your chest like the pleasant flush after a night of drinking? Or that your social call on her home yesterday was not one of formality but instead because you wanted to see her. In fact - didn’t you tell me the two of you held hands? How scandalous!” Kaeya gasps, dissolving into more laughter at the beet red of his brother’s cheeks. 

“I simply followed the flow of the conversation. It felt right to do such a thing,” he tries to explain away, glaring as Kaeya clicks his tongue in disapproval. 

“No, that’s not how this works. You did not shy away from her touch because you felt it was right to hold her hand. Nobody can make you do anything and you know that. If you didn’t want to touch her then you would not have. The Diluc I know would have taken his leave immediately and completely ceased any form of communication with her. And that does include letters, Your Grace.” 

 Diluc keeps his mouth shut, deciding not to entertain Kaeya’s antics anymore. The cold shoulder makes Kaeya shudder playfully and he steps over to ruffle the redhead’s hair with a grin. 

“If that’s the case then let me arrange for a ball. Or, actually, Rin was planning one. Shall we attend that together and see if you can put your plan into fruition?” the other man offers, standing up to exit the room. 

“But she should fall in love with you. That’s why I told you to stop pretending to be something you aren’t. I assume that’s what you did today?” 

“It is. And I think she took well to it. She is quickly becoming much more endeared to me and I feel as though absolutely nothing has changed. If anything, I might even care less for her. Or perhaps, my affection for her has simply remained platonic and I will only be reminded of it further when I see her next.” Diluc chuckles, getting up to close the door after Kaeya leaves. 

“We’ll have to see won’t we?” 

“My Lady, you have a guest,” the Butler announces. 

“I thought we cleared out all the calling cards yesterday?” you ask in confusion. 

As far as you knew, the Duke’s visit the other day was supposed to be your last one for a bit as you requested to be given some time to rest from the incessant amount of men trying for your attention. 

“This one is a social call, not meant for courting. Lady Kholer has just arrived,” he explains, stepping back to reveal the woman and her Valet. 

“You should have told me that. Please, come in,” you invite and she does as you ask, looking around the room curiously. 

“It looks as though you weren’t expecting guests,” she notes, eyes sitting on the empty refreshments table that should be full if you were hosting. 

“Sorry if I’m bothering you - I should just be in and out if you were planning for a quiet morning,” 

“It’s no bother at all,” you say quickly, not wanting to scare away the only woman who’s paid you a visit since your arrival. 

“I just wanted to drop this off. I’m planning a ball and wished to invite you. His Grace said he’d be attending which I hope is incentive enough for you to come.” She presents the invitation to you, smiling a little shyly. 

“Please, stay a while. I can get one of the cooks to make something for us quickly,” you say as you take the paper out of her hand, reading over the words. 

“No need. Matti came prepared with biscuits. I wanted to bring a gift after all and he makes the most amazing food.” 

At her words the man presents to you a basket that smells heavenly, reminding you of another burning question. 

“Why do you have a Valet and not a Lady’s Maid? Surely it’s awkward to have a man perform the same duties of a Lady’s Maid and have him be, well a man,” you whisper, making the pair laugh. 

“I know it’s quite strange but I chose him myself when I was a girl. The typical choice is, of course, another girl but I ended up choosing him. Honestly, as far as I’m concerned he’s my father, brother, and best confidant all in one. It is a different choice but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made,” she explains. 

“I hear that the Duke has formally made his intentions to court you clear. Is that true?” she asks excitedly, clapping her hands together after the swift change of topic. 

“Where did you hear that from?” you ask worriedly, wondering if one of the servants talked. 

“Kaeya told me! I’m quite excited for the Duke. He deserves to find some form of happiness, even if it is taking forever for him to finally get to it,” the Lady elaborates, plucking a biscuit from the basket and splitting it in half with you. 

“You use Lord Alberich’s given name? How curious. Although, I fear I keep asking you about yourself when you came here to try to talk to me,” you laugh and she waves off the concern, giving you the biscuit when you don’t take it yourself.

“Don’t mention it. When I first came here all people did was ask me questions so I’ve gotten very adept at fielding every single one. And again, another simple answer. We are slated to be married, and therefore we decided to use our given names with each other in more private settings. But we are not yet engaged - we are just engaged to be engaged. Mathias just gave him his permission to ask to marry me recently,” she says with a grin, lacing her fingers together. 

“Should you and the Duke get along even better than you already seem to, maybe we’ll become in-laws,” she hums, clearly very excited about the prospect.  

“You think he likes me?” you squeak. 

Your voice is breathless, this slight confirmation working to build up your confidence, grinning madly when she gives a slight nod. 

“The Duke would never waste his time on something he deems a pointless endeavour. If he truly thought that he would gain nothing from your acquaintance, rescuing you from Kaeya would have been the extent of which your interactions would have gone,” she elaborates, clicking her heels against the ground as she thinks. 

You refrain from sharing the letters he wrote to you, still a little wary of the stranger who simply popped in and out at her own convenience and also worried that she would tell the Duke you were sharing messages he currently wanted nothing to do with. 

“At the very least if his intentions are not romantic you may have found a friend in him. I was watching you both when you were promenading. It was clear that he believes there to be some sort of attachment between the two of you. It may only be a matter of time for him to fall in love with you. I would not be surprised if he does. You’ve got a lovely charm about you that draws just about anybody in should they ignore their better judgement.” 

Her eyes glint mischievously. 

“Absolutely perfect for an eccentric family like the Ragnvindrs.” 

“Then would you also have some advice for the Duke? Is there anything I should know before I continue to try and go after his affections? And how about his family? Perhaps you can tell me how to get on the good side of his parents? I assume you know considering how close you are to them,” you ask tentatively after a minute. 

“He will be a challenge. Both of them are. They really only rely on each other and trying to cement yourself into their being is going to be one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do but it is very rewarding. The only thing I can tell you is that if you really and truly care, you will have to work so hard every day to get him to look at you and actually see you.” 

The second part of your question seems to stump her and you worry that she believes there’s no hope when it comes to the rest of the man’s immediate family. 

“If you would like to know his parent’s opinions on you I believe you would have to ask God to relay the message. You see, his mother passed away a few weeks after childbirth and his father passed away a few years ago due to health complications.” 

“I didn’t know,” you mutter, suddenly feeling very awkward. 

“Not many do. It’s all a very quiet affair amongst those who do know. It is no secret but it is not something to be shouted from amongst the rooftops if you understand. Do not pay it too much mind for pity will turn both brothers away from you and you shall find yourself in an irreparable position.” 

As you sit there, you let yourself consider her words and what it means for you. No matter how many times you circle around it the solution seems incredibly easy and the only one you think viable. 

“I do not think I will be able to go home at the end of this season without the absolute knowledge that I did my best to try and win his heart. Even if I lose out on it, knowing that I worked hard to get it and prove that I am worth his attention will be solace enough.” 

“I’m glad,” she says kindly, nodding. “That will most definitely give you an advantage in comparison to the others you are competing against. After all, I sincerely doubt any other woman would be willing to admit that a loss is still a win to them, especially when competing for such a handsome and powerful Duke. Pure intentions should be met with good results if you ask me.” 

When she finishes speaking she gets up, leaving the basket she brought with you. 

“Well, I did tell you I would be making a quick visit and I was being truthful. I have many things to do today to get ready for the ball. Can I count on your attendance?” 

“Yes, you can,” you reassure her, getting up to walk with her. 

“It’d be quite rude to reject an invitation after all but I promise, I’m going to attend because I want to, not out of sheer obligation.” 

“I’m glad. I hope you have a good time then. Take care,” she waves, curtsying to you before exiting. 

You collapse back down into your chair once she leaves, heaving a massive sigh of relief. Now you could fully relax, being given another social event to look forward to and another goal on your mind. 

Her positive words help you feel more confident, realising that both she and Lord Alberich said similar things. Being honest about yourself would be easy.  There wouldn’t be an issue with presenting him with your authentic self and in all honesty you were very happy about that. If you were to end up in a devoted relationship with him you would not have to worry about not being the person he thought you were. Not only that, but him falling in love with you would only feel that much sweeter knowing he loved you for you, the memory of him holding your hand yesterday coming back to you in a flurry and making you flush. 

He was intense in a silent way, his figure being so imposing that it was easy to be swallowed up in his presence. And yet, when he touched you it felt like you were the most precious thing in the world. It was strange why he touched you despite proper etiquette telling him not to but it felt like the right thing to do. Like he was trying to figure something out and needed you to anchor him in those efforts, 

You shake your head, wanting to clear your mind and take a sip of tea, looking out of the window. Tomorrow you would be back to receiving suitors and even though their numbers had begun to dwindle the most dedicated ones were beginning to show. They made it clear what their intentions were and that thanks to the Duke tipping his hat at you it made them want you more. It was equal parts flattering and dehumanising. 

Half heartedly you consider closing yourself off to guests. Perhaps you can make it seem like you were beginning to only entertain the very serious confessions, the others not worth your time or efforts. That would most definitely make it easier for you to begin picking out your second, third, or even fourth choices. After all, while you were dreaming of a lavish life with the Duke it didn’t mean you weren’t going to be realistic. There was always the chance that he would decide he no longer wanted you and that courting you to marry you was no longer on his agenda. That possibility would leave you swimming in murky shores, something you want to avoid at all costs. 

There was still, of course, the matter of the letters. His reason for not wanting to consider them anymore made sense if he felt like starting from the beginning. It gave you both a blank slate to work with, to present yourselves to the other as a new being without the preconceived notions that the letters would suggest and still you find yourself wondering if that made them inauthentic. Was there a real reason why he did not want to write to you anymore? Would this simply become a pleasant memory the two of you would look back at fondly? 

Honestly, you’re still a little shocked at the fact that the letter worked. You’d never expected it to get you this far, to have even the Queen favouring you. Luckily, you managed to overhear from one of the maids that you were chosen when one of Her Majesty’s friends also attended your club and became infatuated with the idea of you that he insisted you debut amongst high society. However, you feel slighted that the man had yet to reveal himself to you and could only guess that he was too embarrassed to now actively pursue you or tell you. 

Or, the prospect that the Duke was becoming much more interested in you was scaring him off as it did with some of the others. You don’t think much of it though, finding it incredibly attractive that His Grace just had that much power.

Hopefully you can better understand where the two of you stand in relation to each other at the upcoming ball. Perhaps you’ll become even bolder, asking him about his plans for the future and what his ideal Duchess would be able to do. Maybe you’ll even be able to steal him away for a bit, sing to him a lovely song that will make him fall madly in love with your voice and want to move things along. The sheer thought of it makes you giddy and you prepare to go out for a promenade with that scenario in mind, lightly warming up your voice as you go about your day. 

[mimzy-writing-online]

Writing Toph Beifong, Advice from a Blind Writer

I’m Mimzy, an actual visually impaired writer and blogger who talks a lot about writing blind characters accurately and sensitively. A while back someone sent me an anon asking how to write Toph more accurately and sensitively.

Anonymous asked: Hi there! Your blog has been super-helpful already - I thought I knew a bit about writing with blind characters, but it turns out there was a lot to learn - but this is more specific. I'm writing a The Last Airbender fanfiction, and one of the characters is Toph. I think the fandom has done a fairly good job of respecting her blindness, but what are some things you'd like to see when people write her? I want to represent the character as best as possible; thanks in advance!

It’s taken a while for me to answer because I have a lot of thoughts about it as both a blind writer and someone who has read a lot of atla fanfiction. So here we go:

Before we get started, I want to mention some things: 

One: I have an entire series for writing blind characters that continues to grow with time and the most up-to-date version can be found pinned as the top post on my blog. There will be a time-stamp for when the post was last edited and a long series of links to all relevant posts on the subject.

Here’s a quick link to that post, but again, all you have to do is click my blog url and you’ll find it immediately.

Two: I’ve noticed something amazing about the atla fandom and I would like to thank you for it. I’ve noticed a lot of bloggers have taken to writing image descriptions for both the fanart and memes you post in the fandom, whether it’s OP including the description or another blogger adding it themselves. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a fandom so consistently doing this and that’s incredible. Realizing how many different blogs were picking up this habit has warmed my heart.

I’d like to see writers use her other senses. There’s soooo so much more to her O&M (Orientation and Mobility) than earth sense. 

Beyond sight and earth bending, there’s hearing, touch, smell, taste, sense of direction, hot vs cold, sense of pain, sense of where your body parts are in relation to the rest of you, sense of internal well-being, etc. Before Toph had mastery of her earth bending, she had to have mastery of those too.

Toph also must have very strong opinions about certain smells, sounds, tastes, and textures. Toph is opinionated about everything, and when so much of your understanding of the world depends on senses that most people are ignoring in favor of some other sense you don’t have, it gets frustrating. I’m sure that tree looks pretty but the smell is terrible. Who cares if this fabric looks pretty, it’s scratchy, do. not. like. at. all.

But also in positive ways too. Oh, that flower arrangement looks bland and monochromatic? Who cares, it smells sweet and honey-like. Weird dark cavern with high ceiling and no light? The harmonics are awesome.

Every character probably has a certain sight or image they’re particularly fond of: Katara watching snow fall, or Aang enjoying how small the world looks from up on Appa, or Zuko enjoying the sunrise every morning during meditation. In that line, Toph must have some things personal to her that she enjoys.

I imagine she likes the taste of foods familiar to her childhood, the smell of whatever flowers grew around her home, and the texture of certain kinds of dirt Example: loose dirt probably isn’t the best for seeing, but I think she would enjoy how it feels to run her fingers through it or maybe enjoy the way it softens her perception of the world the same way sighted people like to see colorful, bright lights reflecting off puddles in the middle of rain.

If you struggle with this, that’s okay. I recommend taking some time to think about it for yourself, to find what tastes and smells and textures and sounds you enjoy the most, what makes you feel safe and at home, what brings you comfort, and relate that back to Toph.

In a Modern AU, I want to see Toph have a cane. Even in a Modern AU with bending included in the world building, I think Toph would benefit from having a cane.

The cane has a lot more function than bumping into things. A big part is that it signals to others that you are very obviously blind. Which is a big deal because sighted people are really, really bad at spotting the blind person.

(psst, please stop saying ‘the blank look in her eyes’ because I swear to god it’s been killing me inside for years.)

Also, even in an AU with bending, I think Toph would like the advantage of tapping her cane to create a stronger, more distinct vibration than a small shifting of her weight on her feet. It would have more control.

You could give Toph a guide animal, buuuuuuut, um, Toph is not a guide dog person. Like, there are some people who definitely prefer a guide dog, and some people who definitely prefer a cane, and some who definitely prefer no mobility device at all. Toph does not have the vibes of someone who wants to be both responsible and reliant on an animal when she’s so insistent that she can take care of herself on her own. Toph likes animals, but not that much.

Although, yeah, only 10% of the blind community use mobility devices, so cane and guide dog users are the minority of the blind community, but I stand by the vibe that Toph would love the independence of a cane. Also, it’s almost never ever done. Modern AUs never seem to touch much on Toph’s O&M skills with canes or guide dogs.

I wrote a whole post on everything you need to know about canes, what orientation and mobility is, how you learn O&M, what kind of canes exist, how to use them, how to describe the sensory input a cane gives you, and everything I know about guide dogs from past research.

Honestly, you could give Toph (or any blind character) a cane in any AU, because I fully stand by the theory that canes are a piece of technology that has been invented, lost, and reinvented again and again.

I wrote “I found a piece of lost blindness history” a few months ago after a visit to see my grandparents. My grandmother told me how her blind aunt found a way to write letters by hand to send to my grandmother when she was a child. I speculated on how the long cane has probably been invented and then lost and then reinvented over and over again in history, as well as giving a little history on the growing popularity of guide dogs in the 20th century following World War 1.

About the “blank look in her eyes,” I have a theory to the exact cause and nature of Toph’s blindness.

I know it’s common to think that the milky green color of her eyes is why she’s blind, though I’m not sure how many realize that milky green color is caused by severe cataracts. At least, cataracts is what I assume to be the reason for the color of her eyes. However, people with cataracts still have some remaining sense of light and shadow perception.

Only 9% of the blind community is completely blind, seeing absolutely nothing. The rest have some remaining vision, even if that’s only light and shadow perception or the perception of vague movement.

The percentage of people born completely blind is even smaller.

Toph says that she’s never been able to see, which would lead me to guess that the initial cause of her blindness was a defect with the visual processing part of her brain. I also theorize that the cataracts developed slowly over her very formative years and that she likely wasn’t born with them. For that reason, I think it would have taken a few weeks or months for her parents to realize there was something wrong with her eyes.

Here is a post about the developmental years of blind children and how their life would differ from both sighted children and from someone who went blind as an adult.

What is it like to see nothing?

It’s a concept that sighted people struggle with and I completely understand. I myself didn’t understand the concept of “nothing” until someone explained it as this:

“Imagine trying to see out the back of your head.”

Which, genuinely, imagine that. Try that. Because here’s what I found. There’s no part of my body that can help perceive that. I don’t have eyes there, nor do I have a part of my brain that can process that. Because of this, there is no sense of light or dark, no shape or shadow or movement or depth that I can perceive. There is nothing.

And honestly, it gives me a headache trying to think too much about it.

Toph doesn’t see black, doesn’t have a mental image of it. When people talk about light and dark, Toph has nothing to base the concept on. The closest relation she has to that is silence versus sound, or her earth sense when she’s in the air on Appa versus when she’s on solid ground. But it’s not the same.

I would like to examine the way the show tried to describe Toph’s earth sense, that black void with ripples of white stretching from her feet and outwards. Television is a visual medium so of course their explanation of Toph’s earth sense would be visual, but that’s not what it’s actually like in her head. More accurately, it’s like touching the back of your head to something and feeling what’s solid behind it and what has more give. A wall versus a pillow for example. Slamming your hand on a flimsy table and feeling it rattle under your palm. And for someone so adept at using that sense, she feels not just the table surface under her palm, but the individual rattles down the four legs, how uneven those rattles are because the legs are carved decoratively instead of solid planks, and how the foot of each leg bumps against the ground, and how the floor vibrates in response to the impact, which she feels in both her feet and hand. 

About Toph’s Relationship with Her Parents

It’s not something I see touched on much. There’s been a lot of focus on Zuko and Azula’s relationship with their parents and the abuse, as well as exploration of Sokka and Katara’s trauma with losing their mother, and Sokka looking up to his warrior father while Katara struggles with her abandonment issues.

Please don’t take this as a critique, because there are a few valid reasons for this and I would like to give you some insight on how to explore Toph’s relationship with her parents.

For starters, the show had a lot more reason to focus on Zuko and Azula’s parents, with Fire Lord Ozai being the primary villain and Zuko’s greatest abuser, and Azula’s dependent worship of her father in response to Ursa’s neglect and favoritism of Zuko, which was likely Ursa’s response to Ozai’s favoritism of Azula. Their parents are huge driving motivators for why Zuko and Azula make the decisions and mistakes they do, why they are at one point in the show the villains themselves. (And why I think Azula should get a redemption arc and some healing.)

Katara’s trauma of losing her mother and blaming herself is a huge factor in both her response to the war, her relationship with her bending, and her motherly nature with her friends. The show has to explore that. Just as it has to explore Sokka’s problems with toxic masculinity in response to being the man of his village, and his desire to be a great warrior and leader like the father he idolizes. 

The show needs to explore that to make the plot move forward, and it benefits from these being two sibling sets with different responses to their upbringing and different sibling dynamics, setting them up as foils for each other.

The show also wouldn’t benefit by giving Lao and Poppy Beifong more screen time. Their established character were two nobles who kept as far out of the war as possible and prospered monetarily for it. Poppy was polite and demure and Lao liked to lead the conversation. Unless the gAang decided to return to Toph’s home, those characters had no reason to pop up anywhere in the show. And if they did, they would be a hinder to Toph and her part in the plot as both Aang’s earth bending teacher and as the greatest earth bender in the world, tossing Fire Nation soldiers eight ways to Sunday. 

So truly, I understand that there’s not a whole lot of canon material (comparatively) to go off of when developing this, but I will offer some insight on what is there in canon.

Toph’s relationship with her parents is explored in that it maps out why Toph doesn’t want to be mothered by Katara, why she wants to prove how independent she is, but there’s very little on screen interaction between Toph and her parents.

Toph deeply loves her parents. I think that plays into why she doesn’t want Katara mothering her, because she has a wonderful mother at home who she loves and wants to better understand her, but she had no friends growing up and no older sister, which are the roles she needs and wants Katara to fill. If Toph wanted a mother figure, she would have latched onto Katara. Look at how Zuko never sought out another mother figure but did find a father figure in Iroh as he began to heal from his childhood trauma and separate his self image from his father’s acceptance.

Toph is in a complicated situation, she loves her parents but the way they’re raising her is hurting her in the long run. But Toph can see that their actions are because of their immense love for her. She can see how they would do anything for her. While she never had any examples of how other noble children were treated by their parents, who might have been distant or disinterested or always away for their social and work lives, she was remarkably loved by her parents. Her father put careful thought into her tutors and checked in on her progress. Her mother feared for Toph’s emotional state when she was kidnapped (even if she was incorrect about how Toph would respond), showing genuine empathy for her daughter.

I think their over protective nature became the love language Toph best understood them by, and part of her reasoning for not revealing how capable she was, was because she wanted to keep experiencing that love and care for as long as she could. But it’s not a love language she would put up with from anyone else.

I would like to point out Toph’s genuine excitement to see her mom again in the season finale of Book Two, how badly Toph wants her mom to understand and accept her for who she is.

My thoughts on what Toph can’t do: read, swim, see in the sand, fight things mid-air.

For how incredibly powerful the show makes Toph with her earth bending and the O&M she taught herself through it, they do touch on some of her weaknesses when they come up and find a useful way to showcase them.

The Serpent’s Pass was an excellent example of Toph’s vulnerability in water. From her fear of not being able to see on Katara’s ice bridge to not being able to swim and needing Suki to save her, Toph’s weaknesses putting her in danger added to the excitement and “sitting on the edge of your seat” feeling while watching the episode without turning her into someone who was helpless. She was just in a position where her normal defenses were useless.

Just like the earth benders in the metal prison in the ocean, or Katara having little water in the middle of a desert where her friends needed that water to survive more than she needed it to fight, making her vulnerable later in the show when the insect-wasp things attacked. Just like fire benders being weaker at night, or powerless during a solar eclipse, or a sighted person being lost in the dark. Those were just situations in which the tools you were accustomed to relying on could no longer help you or were taken away.

The show was clever in that it didn’t make her inability to read a direct threat to her safety, but rather as a clever plot device for her to be alone when the sand banders attacked and have to choose between fighting them to save Appa, or holding back an entire fricking building by the tiniest spire on its very top from falling into a void leading to the spirit world. It also showed her weakness to not being able to see or fight as well in sand. Which the show later made an effort to show how she’d improved on that problem in Book Three when she was surrounded by nothing but sand at Ember Island.

Like improving her ability to see in the sand, I would like to see a character teach Toph to swim, or at least float, so that she never feels helpless again. If she took the initiative to improve her sand bending so much, I’m sure she would have learn to swim eventually.

And on the note of reading, I’ve seen some speculation on how Toph could learn to read, whether it’s through using ink that has some percentage of earth mixed in, or developing the sensitivity to feel out the different weight, consistency, and texture of ink on paper. 

I would like to bring your attention to Louis Braille, the blind Frenchman who invented Braille while studying at  the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind in Paris France (established 1785). Previously Louis was learning to read through a method in which each letter was pressed into the paper to leave an imprint that someone could feel out with just their fingers.

Louis Braille concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were.

The subject of Braille, the start and controversial near downfall to  Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles were discussed in a post about writing a blind character during the Victorian Era.

I’ve heard others complain in the past about fantasy universes in which a sighted person invents a solution to allow the blind to read, when the most effective and longest lived method was invented by a blindman over two hundred years ago and is the standard taught in schools today.

And while I couldn’t easily explain it or how it works because I can neither read Braille nor speak Chinese, I can tell you that Chinese Braille exists and works only slightly differently from the Braille western languages use. So, again, modern AUs especially would benefit from enabling Toph to read Braille and use a computer and phone with screen reader.

But just as easily you could choose not to have her learn to read but rather have sighted people read things aloud to her. Whether it’s in a professional setting as an adult having an assistant who reads and writes for her, or as a cute, fluffy little moment between Toph and another character. Both are just as genuine to the blindness experience.

Blind Jokes

If you ever get around to reading my post about blind jokes, I’d like you to remember that it’s primarily written for people writing original characters and that Toph canonically makes blind jokes, so to take away from that would not be true to her character.

Does Toph’s Earth Sense Negate her Blindness?

It’s a question I’ve seen raised before and discussed by both abled, disabled, and blind people. There are multiple perspectives on it, but my own take on it is that Toph’s earth bending does not negate her blindness, but rather functions very much like the process of learning to use a cane.

She had a tool, a teacher, and she learned to use that tool. Instead of a cane, it was seismic perception and her teacher were blind badger-moles. She spent years learning to earth bend as they do and then continued to take it to new heights as she explored fighting with it on her terms against sighted fighters.

Come to think about it, I would love to see Toph teach another visually impaired or blind earth bender who to see and bend as she does.

Is Toph Good Blindness Representation?

This question was posed to me in the comments of my master post, and my answer was something like this: “Toph is good representation, but she can't be the only type of representation we get. She's the best we had 15 years ago, but there are a million ways to nuance the blindness experiences. Toph's experience being born blind, having very over protective parents, being a small girl in a patriarical and wealth influenced society, having no friends growing up. Those are all great aspects of blindness to show, but there is so much more to explore. As for her blindness and whether or not that's negated, that's also nuanced. She has limits, she's not all-powerful, but she is the best earth bender hands down. More or less, I love Toph, she's a great character, give me like a million more blind characters who are completely different from her.”

I want to see accurate and well-written blind characters become much more common in modern media, and that’s why I started this blog. So if you decide you want to write your own blind character from scratch, feel free to come back and look at some of my other stuff.

End Notes:

I want to thank the anon who sent the original question because it never occurred to me how much the atla fandom would benefit from a post like this. 

You should follow my blog. Along with advice about writing blind characters, I write general writing advice and answer questions about writing, college, plot development, character analysis, and living with blindness. I curate writing advice from fellow writeblrs, write my own image descriptions for writing memes, post about mental health and working/living with ADHD, disabilities outside of blindness, and LGBTQA+ topics.