#in which case id like to fucking know what that was so I dont repeat it without knowing

[milfygerard]

@staff @support you sent me an email telling me that you removed a post from my blog, but I have no clue what post because the link you said is dead because you deleted the post before I could see it. I have no clue what was deleted or how it qualified as abuse or harassment. Not having a screenshot or aechive link to send me so I can actually see the post and, if the claim is not legitimate, appeal it, is massively unprofessional. Please either reinstate the post or tell me what it consisted of so we can move forward

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

out of your character’s motifs, what are your favorite and least favorite to draw?

HMM really good question id say a lot of like. my favoritism comes down to "whats easiest to represent without having to give it too much thought?" in which case. sun motif numero uno. stuff like ulises' grids and olzhas' harlequin print are also just very easy to draw over and over again because theyre just simple geometric tessellations and i usually get into a rhythm with them especially if its in the case of background details or embellishments in lineart when i dont have to worry too much about keeping outlines clean looking....

special mention to my friend demeter also because i think i was very smart for like. mixing the circular sweeps of starry night into cigarette smoke i think it does a lot for their design and helps that aspect of their motif feel way more expansive than just "ah its meteors". another really easy repetitive pattern that my hands can easily fall into as well.... its fun

for the least favorite though hmmmm. ok honestly not even that i despise drawing it i think its cute and im glad its cemented into my mind as The Isel Bird but isel's bobolink motif is a nightmare to incorporate into like. different outfits solely because theres barely any pictures of what the back of these guys looks like. i always have to trawl through youtube videos of someones backyard to figure out the gold and white distributions. absolute fucking nightmare the things i do for this guy. at least he looks cool for it.

completely unrelated but i just found this image while looking for the upper one i dont even know where to begin with this. send me another ask to unlock the isel poster dream lore i guess

ANYWAY. back to the question. uhhh for similar reasons its a bit annoying drawing mazin's moth motif in pictures because its a pain in the ass to find good angles or "poses" of bugs. i usually just wing it (heh) until it looks right and it ends up fine though so eh.

hmmm marjolaine's dna motif is also a bit too niche retrospectively imo though its not really a problem? its mostly just that i want to look into more like. specific dna iconography and how i could draw it in a cool way aside from just repeating helix patterns

[magnoliamyrrh]

Is it possible for childhood sa memories to never consciously resurface and the victim spend their entire life unaware of what happened to them?

...... i dont see why not really. i dont know how common that is, but id place my money on it happening at least to some

i mean, there's plenty of cases of people figuring out/theyre told they have trauma-based disorders such as DID in their 50s,60s,70s etc - so, most ot their life they remembered only small or certain parts of trauma compared to the full scope, or perhaps not much of it at all; they may spend most of their lives with entire gaps of years in their childhood memory without knowing... and the DID will protect the most active or "host" part of them from the worst ptsd symptoms for some time. i dont see why its not theoretically possible for someone to take this to the grave never knowing really. i have also heard of cases of peoples trauma of csa not coming to them until their abusers are dead and they know theyre dead, and thus the brain finally feels safe (especially heard this in the case of family members) - so, this may come when they are in their 40s, 50s, or older. its actually rather common from what i know for people to become aware or to accept these sort of traumas later on in life

...... id say tho, DID&OSDD are particular cases in extreme and repeated early childhood trauma induced disorders which create more of a.... level of protection than many have against the trauma (for some parts, while other parts carry the burden). but even without the development of such disorders its rather common for the brain to shut down/repress memories like that, and for the brain to "give them back" later on during teens, early adulthood, or adulthood depending on the individual - either because something has triggered the individual and memory, or because the brain finally feels safe enough to start breaking down those barriers...... i think in Many cases (idk if most but.. maybe most) the brains barriers start breaking down at some point, but perhaps in some cases they do not - perhaps if the individual never feels safe enough for this to happen, or doesnt encounter a particular trigger?

..... it may be the case as well that someone will experience symptoms which stem from csa, or maybe even forms of flashbacks, and that they will have behaviors infleunced by said trauma, but be unable to accept it their entire lives. they may simply keep repressing them and being unwilling to even entertain the idea that anything like that ever happened - in this case maybe there will be a tiny part of them which knows and understands, but for the most part its never processed or accepted. they will just keep building those walls up and pushing it further down - perhaps some can do this their whole lives. they may have intense nightmares or flashbacks, and obvious symptops, but still deny it completely. im sure this sort of thing can be taken to the grave too

...... id also say, this might be the case if were talking about.... earrrrllly earllly csa. i guess im a particular outlier(?) maybe for remembering things, not just trauma, from when i was two years old (i reckon the dissociation has something to do with it too). but many people do not remember much at all, good or bad, from before they were 3-4 years old..... this doesnt mean that csa at those ages wont have lasting impacts and lead to things - some part of the body and mind and subconscious remembers and reacts nontheless - but that it may be harder or perhaps in some cases impossible, to remember details or to make sense of certain symptoms one may be having... (a particularly horrible parallel example of this - of very early intense trauma at least, would be that babies used to get... fucking surgery without anesthesia. horrible. these ppl as adults cant remember this, but theyre still scarred for life and have many many issues. another would be that infant neglect and feeling uncared for, scared, alone for too long as an infant or young toddler is something most may not ever remember, but it still often has consequences).......... maybe my brain in particular is weird af bc osdd&did... and because of psychadelics... and meditation..... ill just say. personally.. i dont think any of us truly, truly ever "forget" anything from the time we are born....not really. somewhere its still there ....... though i would say generally, it is uncommon, maybe very uncommon, for ppl to fully remember much of csa or trauma at those ages. perhaps in these cases it is more likely for someone to go their whole life never really having an idea of what happened to them or why they may have certain issues

,,,,,,, idk. all in all id say, i do think its possible. weather its someones brain never cracking more than just a bit, or repression on top of repression, or taking a dissociative disorder like DID to the grave and having a v exteme case,,, i reckon theres still symptoms in one form or another and infleunces, and it likely come out in dreams and nightmares in some form or another... but i do reckon its possible there have and are individuals who go through life until the end never really knowing or processing it beyond a repressed and subconscious level..... how common that is tho? i really have no idea

[brigatebajor]

so in my university you can do this neat thing that lets you display your chosen name on the uni's internal channels like uni email, website profile, myuni app, anything as long as it isnt an official legal document like your graduation certificate. so. after four years and with merely one year left of uni (<- me when i lie and severely overestimate my ability to take one years worth of exams in three months) i am doing this thing right cause im going to therapy and learning that i do not have to hide and cower in shame and beg for peoples forgiveness just for existing, you know how it is. right.

so my uni's website is a black hole hostile to any kind of intelligent life form which means that the steps needed in order to Activate this thing are a total fucking mystery. so i ask the Uni** Trans Council and they tell me to go ask this one professor whos basically in charge of the whole thing, which is a pretty normal occurrence in my university bc my university is held together by a pack of toothpicks and a bestemmia. so i have no choice but to email the man and ask him to help me navigate the dark seas of bureaucracy.

(picard voice) now gentlefags. idk how many emails yall have sent in your lives but i have sent one too many emails to uni professors alright. i have trained reflexes. i open up a gmail tab and my fingers are already instinctively typing Gentile Professore. i have completely lost the ability to write an email that doesnt end in Ringraziandola Per La Cortese Attenzione Le Porgo Cordiali Saluti. but this is different. this is me, a humble idiot, going to this guys house and kneeling on his doorstep begging for help, so virtually not that different from what im usually emailing professors for, but this time i can actually CHOOSE. how i sign the email.

i have two options: i either have to sign my email with my deadname, or with my chosen name. not as easy as it sounds.

my deadname is the obvious professional option, bc it's the name thats displayed in my email, the name youll find on the university records, the name youll find on my id. im obviously sick to all hell and back of having to actually SPELL my birth name like write it down myself as opposed to having to hear it passively from all over, which is not as bad as youd think if you dissociate enough, but writing it? thats the ultimate humiliation isnt it? so obviously id want to avoid doing that, but theres also the added factor of sounding kinda stupid - hi, i want a different name displayed on my stuff, but im not gonna tell you that name! hehe :3

on the other hand, though, theres that part of me with the autocompleted signature in the back of my brain that stops me short of just fucking writing "sam" on the email like a normal person. perhaps it's the part of me that says "like the dog in i am legend" when the barista asks me to repeat my name for the third time at pedros (we dont have starbucks here so we had to make our own brand). in any case, i just cant help but perceiving my own chosen name, the one that i am LITERALLY formally asking to have displayed on my account, as something thats a tad too silly to reveal to Any Public Figure. which is ironic bc bestie clearly that therapy is Not working

and btw, no, there is no third option. bc its a formal email and my uni survival instincts would rather stop the nerves in my hands from working before they let me send an unsigned email (unprofessional! youre gonna fail every exam if you do <- REAL innegociable truth of the universe), so my only choice is to die as a hero and never graduate again (because this is OBVIOUSLY what would happen if i broke the unspoken rules of a professional email to a professor whos not even part of my course), or live as a clown and deadname myself (which im used to, cause i Am a clown).

anyway so this is the story of how ive been staring at the unsigned email on my puter for the past five hours. how have yall been doing

[florenceisfalling]

sorry for not realizing, i hadn't checked your blog in months before today and i kinda figured you would have blocked me in the time i wasn't on tumblr if you didn't wanna talk. the post i replied to seemed lighthearted so i did not know. obviously no need to answer this as i won't ever see it, just wanted to say i'm sorry for upsetting you even if i won't ever know exactly what went wrong with us

i mean you still have my discord dms if you really wanted. in fact, you actually stopped responding to me, not the other way around. i didn't block you because a.) you were such a large part of my life for so long that, yknow, a chunk of my blog has some sort of attachment to yours, and i didn't want to fuck up my ability to see relevant posts if im trying to find old writing shit and b.) i always wanted to leave channels open because... again, you were a large part of my life for so long. i don't want to be your friend but if anything ever came up and there was something you needed or wanted to say i wanted that to be possible for the sake of "just in case"

regardless of if you "wont ever see it" heres my answer. even this ask answers itself for one of the reasons i dont like you. you hadn't checked my blog in months. which in itself is fine, but in the grand scheme of things - jesus fuck, man! you dipped out of my life almost entirely, on repeated occasions, unless i actively tried to drag you back in. regardless of how fucking apparent it was that i was literally on the Brink, you wouldn't be there unless i was the one to call. even after i tried to have an open conversation with you + others involved on how you were so bad at handling your shit that i thought random things i had zero involvement were my fault because no one gave me any sort of indication to what the fuck was going on.

you hung out with bullies and downplayed the deserved backlash. you don't know how to take other peoples feelings or lives seriously - something that hits me so PROFOUNDLY because your kindness and comfort used to be one of the reasons i liked your company so much. you hurt my friend. and you lied to me! and more, shit that i cant say here! and you would complain and guilt-trip about how you felt like everyone hated you and how you were such a bad friend but you so rarely made steps to actually change anything you were doing! of course you don't see what went wrong, you can't even look in at yourself without making everyone else feel like its their fault for being hurt!

and id love to say that everything ive heard from you and the people surrounding you is some kind of misunderstanding and that really and truly you dont deserve my anger. i dont think you realize how much ive sat over the past year and hoped that we were somehow gonna go back to normal. i wanted to tell you i got engaged! i wanted to talk to you about a million things! but after what i had to deal with last year (not from you, other shit entirely) i sort of learned that i cannot afford to trust anyone. you have no idea the fucking depths i went to and you are not going to know because the kind of people you seem to love aspiring to be/surrounding yourself with are the same kind of people who made my world feel like it was fucking falling apart. literally some of the most insane trauma ive endured was just brushed aside as silly discourse or jokes or whatever so yeah. not sure if i can trust that everythings all just one big mix up. messages are open but i am so angry and i cant change that even if i want to and i dont think you want to hear any of it.

and im sorry for being so lighthearted about you before i thought it was a post that would just fade into the ether like my other non-context bullshit

[dorotheado]

i was listening to hoax and thinking (thanks to @eclipsedsuns ) on my flight today and came to the conclusion that one of the things she's talking about is calcium hydroxide? ik taylor said that hoax is about a couple things, so this is just me theorising about a couple lyrics. here's my evidence, brought on when i paralleled the lyrics with high infidelity:

the parallel between "whats the point in keeping score" and "i didnt know you were keeping count" was what sorta drew me to it. pretty clear parallel.

but on a more subtle note, i think the line in hoax's chorus "your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in" feels quite sombre in hindsight. i always thought of it as a loving tone, in conjunction with "dont want no other shade of blue but you" etc, but it can be interpreted as one of the other relationships she was processing. in this case, the relationship with c.h., who never had enough love for her and didnt trust her (see "there are many different ways for you to kill the one you love / the slowest way is never loving them enough", "you said i was freeloading", "good money id pay if you'd just know me"). thus, that love was faithless (and also infidelity = lack of faithfulness??), and she almost convinced/forced herself to believe in it (hence believing in a hoax).

another possible reference is "my eclipsed sun", which is c.h. being eclipsed by joe, repeating the motif of joe as celestial bodies. ("your eyes are flying saucers from another planet", "do i really have to chart the constellations in his eyes", "eyes full of stars", etc i could go on).

also "my best laid plan / your sleight of hand" being the parallel of "you knew the entire time / you knew that im a mastermind and now you're mine" as well as sleight of hand being a phrase for small trickery, like a glitch ??? callous heartrate being the best laid plan that she was following despite her gut, and joe being the glitch/sleight of hand/"i thought the plane was going down how'd you turn it right around" you get it

this one is more of a stretch but "my broken drum / you have beaten my heart" being related to "my love had been frozen deep blue but you painted me golden" as in her love didnt really function but he brought her back, almost painfully/mistakenly ("do i really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?", "a slight malfunction i'd go back to wanting dudes who give me nothing", "ive been sleeping so long in a 20 year dark night / now i'm wide awake")

i do think this song is obviously about many things at once, as she's said in long pond, but this was just some parallels i made! and had fun thinking abt on my flight :-) i also think that midnights is giving so much insight into how camembert haggis really fucked with her head and how this "lack of inspiration" she had was just processing time. it makes me sad. i am glad she has joe now 💛

[yourghastlycloseness]

in the past few hours i went being convinced that i was the ugliest person to ever walk the earth and shd this destroy myself bcos i never want to look into the mirror again and see how everything is wrong with my face and body to being a loving daughter spending a day out with mom to cracking jokes to being completely upset about the state of my relationships and my anxiety and my fear abt starting a new job and if i’ll even be able to get one and how this wasnt a sponsorship at all it’s more like taking a loan out of a company and then being tied to it and having to pay off your debts and it’s all on you if you can’t do anything abt it and ive realise that its in these states of transition where im waiting for smth to happen that im the most jittery and irritable and depressed when the hosp called to ask how urgent my case was or thereabouts i said i wasnt suicidal which wasnt a lie when they called but i feel suicidal every few hours or every days or weeks honestly the feeling never goes away but i know how serious i am abt when id make an attempt and its usually in states like these where ive lost all control over my emotions and the only thing i can control is whether i live or not and even then its subject to how the suicide attempt is executed though its likely that jumping frm the 20+ floor of any building shd kill you upon impact how i don’t want to live like this anymore and being convinced again that i shd kill myself then seeing a worker get run over by a bus and thinking thats awful then having dinner w family and paying for it but not getting a word of thanks then asking dad to get drinks but he frowns and doesnt for a while and i dont understand why abd while we’re eating i drop a piece of the pork on the table and i want to flip the entire table over and when i wash the utensils at the sink i see my hair getting thinner unde rtbe fluorescents even tbligh im doing what i xan to keep it from falling out im gng to be bald by the time im 33 how much fun is that thirty flirty and thriving thirty fucking fat and fuckinf bald and fucking lonely was not how i samw it all for myself

and i cry at the table the whole way back and then take a walk the rewatch and feel bad for the worker hope he’s alright news report says he’s got fractures in his right leg i rly hope it’s nth more than that meanwhile i was feeling one thousands things and this man was just at work and feeling so much pain which reminds me that i need money i need to work in the meantime yet the sponsorship contract forbids me frm getting external employment without first getting their approval honestly i might just go work first and then wait for their approval cos it can take very long and dad sent a picture of kai earlier tpdya he’s completely shaven sown neck bcos of repeated skin infictikna my poor dog my poor boy i love love love you so much and ive been horrible and i think abt you all the time and its now my wallpaper bcos i want to workfor a vision of us tgt and hes still the handsomest boy around even when firless neck down also hes a real asshole i hope he never loses that mfer asshole corgi personality of his if he ever changes then i know ive lost a part of him and i dont want that feepndown inside i know we ee both assholes who fight and im gettingnout of this and youll get beteyr and i love you forever andnice cried so much i rly need to clean my eyes woth blpehagel cdps just loke my boy oget infections WILD my skin foes mot want to be with me it givez up on me doesnt matter lovenypus till kai youre the most shit dog in the worls and uoure mine even when youre not here and i love you wven if you dont love me and i dotn want my asian eyelids to get all fucked up tmr so im going to stop xrying now straight ip the only rweaso n i dont cru as muchthese says isnt bcosige gotten stronge ror gotten over the things that ipset me most its jury bcos i cant eisk ab infection again neeeded eye zurgery fkr that preciously and i bleieve i had a fucked ip eyesi fection but also my crying mad eit worse secondly aesthetics my syelids creases change everytie i cry ao i gotta fucking stoRPP

[sentientgopro]

Okay, so I know this might sound odd, but I kinda want to keep track of how my feelings have been changing seeing as my life just turned upside down a few days ago. Something feels weird about keeping a note to myself, idk why, For some reason I feel kore comfortable posting it to the internet. Well, I guess that is kinda the point of a blog? Anyway, if youre seeing this but not my last post on Monday, I think I cracked on Sunday Night.

That first post was comprised of how I was feeling Sunday Night- Monday Morning (10/11 Dec) and, well, I'm not going to repeat it. Monday was... weird. I didn't feel great, although thats not significantly out of the ordinary, but I was facing a difficult question I would rather not have to answer, especially when the obvious conclusion was such a difficult one to follow through and act on. It was a question Id rather die than face.

Monday evening was when I decided to start truly planning for the possibility. I may not know If Im right yet, and depending on how hard it may be, I was wondering if it was even worth it. Then I had a look at some trans timelines, and asked people about HRT options, and that was what changed my fuckin life. It was then that I saw how real this was and just how possible this was. The realisation that this was on the cards for me (after a 2 year wait) made me feel really fucking good. Like best Ive felt in a long time. Ive been running on fumes, a list of people to outlive, and "My cats would miss me" but this provided a positive reason to keep going, something to look forward to. For the first time in ages, I wanted to Carry On, not just felt like I had to. And this feeling/ realisation also helped in validating my feelings, that Im not just making it up.

And then came tuesday. The best day Ive had in a long time. I've heard people say "Transitioning may not solve all your problems, but it can make them feel worth solving" but I realised I had that in reverse. My problems are affecting my academic success, so to get out this house and get to Uni, I need to start fixing/ overcoming those problems. My problems feel worth solving so that I can get to transition. I got more done that day and focused easier than I have in a long time.

Later into Tuesday, I considered what my future could look like now. How might it affect other parts about me? I considered my Aroace identity, might it affect that? And I quickly realised I might not be Aro. Why could I see myself happily in a relationship in the future, as a girl, but not as a guy? Hell, I took the idea out of relationships, and realised I couldn't see a happy future at all as a guy. Ive known this for a while, and kinda brushed it off as "Modern society sucks ass" and "Who knows what the future holds" and shit like that, but if that was the case, I wouldnt see a happy future as a girl, which I do. This was another big help in feeling that Im not mistaken about my feelings, and also helps to explain why Ive always felt a little conflicted on my Aromanticism, because it wasn't. As for now, until I can transition, the label still fits. I still think Ill be Ace either way, but I cant know that until the time comes. It doesnt really matter, those labels can be pretty fluid, I shouldnt stress over it. The key takeaway here was that it seemed that Dysphoria was stopping me from wanting a relationship. Perhaps I was wrong about not feeling dysphoria, I think i might just have not been noticing it or understanding it.

I'm caught up to today, which hasn't really seen major developments. I acknowledged the fact that Ive been kinda subconsciously viewing myself as more feminine for years now, but I dont feel like that thought significantly leads anywhere beyond reinforcing how I feel. Most of my thought on this went towards music and lyrics, as now I have a whole new dimension of meanings to find in songs, completely changing how I see alot of them. For example, one song, that I havent been able to find any meaning to until now, has these lines across 2 different verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer,"

and

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror"

After a quick google, the idea of "Breaking a mirror" means bad luck for years, before being okay, which can be interpreted to have fairly heavy parallels to a transition. The first version talks about needing to go through this period, but not being able to or not being ready. As much as I say I cant transition bc of living eith my controlling and transphobic parents, I also know I would not be ready to do it if that wasnt the case. But, as in the second version of these two lines, once I can make it all clearer, If I can just hold out until the end of the two years, if time keeps passing, I can break the mirror.

There are other parts of this song I like and find (questionable) trans meanings in, but these parts stand out. Song is "The Gift" by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman for anyone wondering, I'd best describe it as Melodic heavy metal, heavy instrumentals courtesy of Kevin and beautiful vocal melody courtesy of Elena.

So that was pretty much my day today, finding little bits of meaning in various songs I already listen to. Although its only 2:30PM, there may be more to come later. Regardless, now that ive caught up, Im just going to be keeping every post as its own individual thought or topic. If you did actually read through this, thanks I guess? I dont know why I feel more comfortable writing this here than a private note. Ill only tag this with 196 because eh, why tf not.

[michibikionmain]

Sapnap's Lore Teaser: Assorted Thoughts and Ideas

we are just being FED sapnap content lately huh god bless i aint complainin its about time

JUST LIKE ITS ABOUT TIME WE GET THE SAPNAP LORE TEASER LETS GOOOO

I havent looked at it super in-depth yet, but I did watch it a few times through and I have some thoughts/theories/discussions to put out from my assorted ramblings in discord lmfao. theyre below the cut enjoy!! tw for torture mentions and fighting ig? nothing graphic or detailed but just in case :)

The glitching/flashing images over the community house for the ending segment aren't just of the community house, they're also pictures of Kinoko Kingdom?? IS HE- IS HE FORESHADOWING?? FORESHADOWING EITHER 1. HES NOT GONNA LET KINOKO KINGDOM END UP LIKE THE COMMUNITY HOUSE MEANING WE GET OVER PROTECTIVE SAPNAP ARC 2. HES GONNA DESTROY KINOKO KINGDOM BECAUSE, SIMILAR TO DREAMS DOWNFALL LEADING UP TO DOOMSDAY AND THE DISK FINALE, SAPNAP HAS REALIZED THAT GOOD THINGS DONT LAST ON THE SERVER, LEAST OF ALL FOR HIM, SO HE'LL GET RID OF THEM HIMSELF

The pathway hes standing on looks like the prime path or the pathways leading up to the prison. you can tell based on like the- the wood and chiseled stone bricks. hes near the community house in the end frame where he pulls out the sword. the fact that he pulls out a sword feels important as well because if he was just destroying things, he would use flint and steel or tnt or some other kind of destructive material. but swords? swords are only good for bamboo, cobwebs, and killing in minecraft. so hes definitely preparing to either kill or fight someone as he approaches the community house.

The flashes of kinoko kingdom that appear over sapnap looking at the community house in both the past and present lead me to believe that he's mentally connecting them, as in seeing history repeat itself, and that the symbols of his past memories are "gone" hence the title. So using that kind of inference, he's probably killing someone at the community house, someone that has some kind of connection to kinoko kingdom and probably doomsday or the past in some way.

that narrows things down pretty well in my eyes to Dream, George, Karl, Quackity, or Sam.

I don't think it's Dream. If he's going to kill Dream, why show the community house and not the prison or something? Or allude to the prison in anyway? I feel like their relationship will be an important factor in the Sapnap lore but I don't think that's who sapnap is planning to fight/kill.

Similarly, I don't think it's Karl. Yes Karl's in Kinoko Kingdom and is connected to memory and time and all that, but... he doesn't have the same connections to the past of the smp. He has a lot of lore but its mostly background type of lore i guess? its not tied to a lot of the major plot events, and while its affected sapnap, I don't think its gotten to the point of sapnap wanting to fight or kill karl yet.

George has been there since the beginning with Sapnap and Dream, so he's got the connections to the past, plus he's in Kinoko Kingdom with Sapnap. We also know due to his Dreaming lore that he still cares about Dream and wants him to come back and be with them again outside of the prison. He wants to ignore all the bad Dream has done because he cares for him more than he cares for the server overall. This could be an interesting conflict between their characters and I think it's possible, though unlikely because this is George we're talking about. My mans doesn't DO serious lore like this.

That leaves Quackity and Sam, who honestly id be satisfied with it being either of these two, but I think Quackity is more likely. I'll explain.

Quackity is not in Kinoko Kingdom, it's true, but this is a source of conflict for him. He's upset that he's not in Kinoko Kingdom, that his fiancées didn't invite him to their new country especially after spending so much time building a new country for all of them together. We also have many shots from Quackity's own lore streams which show him walking along that same path to get to the prison. Could be a coincidence, but personally? Personally I think it's an interesting parallel, especially when you take in to consideration that in Sapnap's prison visit lore stream he mentioned not wanting Dream to escape, but that he still cared for Dream and loved him even though he fucked up big time. Maybe Sapnap finds out that Quackity has been torturing Dream somehow and goes to confront him about it? This situation makes the most sense to me, at least compared to Sam

Sam lines up with the messages about the past and the community house and the connection between the original SMP/history with the current SMP, but he really doesnt have any connection to Kinoko Kingdom that I'm aware of. He could approach Sam possibly for allowing Quackity to torture Dream in prison, or something along those lines, but ehhhh Makes sense, would work for him to do that, but I'm not really sure how to tie that into the Kinoko Kingdom evidence yet.

No matter what happens though, I'm SO excited for Sapnap lore becuase I think his character is definitely one of the most fascinating on the server and yknow what? ill say it im biased i just think hes neat

[xmalereader]

Thomas Shelby X Male Reader

—

|| Masterlist ||

—

Requested: Heya, can i request a thomas shelby one where the reader is new to the gang and Thomas starts getting feelings for him but tries to suppress it until they have to go on a dangerous mission and the reader gets hurt? Love your writings and hope you have a great day❤

Warnings: Language, blood, slight angst, some fluff, reader being sweet, Thomas being protective.

Tags: @ravnulfjohansen

—

—

“Protection?! We don’t need any bloody protection!” Ada shouts at Thomas, slamming her hand on the table as she glared at her older brother.

The Shelby’s were having a family meeting, lately things have been getting dangerous. Thomas has been making deals with other gangs and he may or may not have betrayed a few, so now he needs to focus on his family’s safety.

“Ada this is for your safety,” he glanced at Polly and then back at ada. “Polly will also have protection.”

Polly chokes out a laugh. “I’m sorry? I can protect myself Thomas, I don’t need protection.” She clarified, taking Sip from her drink as she frowns deeply.

Thomas sighs deeply as he rubs his temples. “He’ll only be following you and keeping a close eye, I trust this man and I know that he’ll complete this job.”

“Who is this man?” Said Polly with a raised brow.

Thomas gives her a look before sitting back in his chair, he knows that he shouldn’t have said anything. Not only is he trying to protect Polly and Ada but he’s also putting someone that he cares deeply for in danger.

“An old friend.” He simply says as he stands up from his chair and collects his cigars. “Tomorrow morning you’ll be meeting him here, he’ll be around to guard you two and he’ll report to me in case anything is to happen.” He explains to his sister and aunt who only huff in annoyance.

“Until tomorrow.” He repeats hismelf and leaves the room. He adjusted his cap and steps outside where he takes in a large inhale of fresh air.

“I wouldn’t really breath in this disgusting air, it could kill you.”

Thomas turns his head to face the source of the new voice, his lips slowly twitch up into a smile. “Y/n.” He says in a soft voice.

“Thomas.” The other replies as he approaches him and stands close to his side. His eyebrows raise as he examines Tommy’s face and hums. “I take it that your sister and aunt didn’t like the idea of me being around, huh?”

Tommy’s smile fades away into a frown. “No.”

Y/n lets out a deep sigh and rubs his hands together. “Don’t worry, I know they hate this idea but maybe I can get on their good side? It’s my job to protect your family, I promised you that I would.” He gives Thomas shoulder a pat, smiling widely at him.

Thomas could only stare at the younger man. He knows that y/n can protect his family but he’s mostly worried about him. The two have been friends for years and no one in his family knows about it! He was afraid of getting him involved with his family problems.

But he can’t refuse y/n when he needs his help.

“Why are you packing?” Thomas suddenly asks as he enters y/n’s flat, taking notice of the packing as y/n bites his lip nervously and moves around his room, grabbing small stuff and putting them inside his suitcase.

“Do you remember my job back at the post office?” He asks as Thomas nods, tossing his coat on the bed and taking a seat.

“Well, turns out that they didn’t need me anymore so they decided to fire me.” He explains his situation to Thomas who sat quietly on the bed. “I still had some money left to pay off for my room but I slowly started to run out, I’ve been looking for a new place and a new job for awhile now but I’ve gotten nothing!” His voice starts to raise. “I don’t have a choice but to move to the country side...I called my brother and he said that he had an extra room for me, told me that I could stay their until I find a job.”

“So, you’re leaving?” Said Thomas as y/n stops mid pack, turning to look at Thomas. He notices the sad look in his eyes, causing him to give off a small sad smile. “Tommy...” he approaches him and places a hand over Thomas’s bigger ones. “I can’t stay here, I can barley afford this place.” He whispers out.

“Stay with me, I have enough room back at my place.” Thomas suddenly says as y/n shakes his head. He didn’t want to be a bother and he defiantly didn’t want to surprise Tommy’s family with him being around. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You won’t be.” Thomas pulls him close, wrapping an arm around his waist as he pulls him onto his lap, causing a dark blush to appear on y/n cheeks. “Thomas, even if I stay with you—id still need to find a job.”

“I’ll give you a job.”

“W—what?” Y/n eyes widen.

“You know what I do and I trust you, I trust your loyalty and I know you’ll be perfect for it.” Thomas lies his head against his chest as y/n ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to be honest, I’m not really good with money.” He chuckled out tiredly as Thomas smiles against his chest. “You won’t be doing that.” He muffled out as y/n rasies a brow. “Then what will I be doing?”

Thomas lifts his head up. “You Can become my sister and aunts guard, keep them safe while I’m gone doing business.”

“Oh, Tommy I don’t—“

“I’ve seen you fight, you’ve taken down people twice your size and you know how to handle a gun.”

Y/n blushes a little and sighs deeply. “Fine, but I make my own rules.”

This causes Thomas smile to widen a bit more. “Deal.”

He remembers that night clearly, the two planning out everything in case anything bad was to happen. All y/n was suppose to do was keep a close eye on his aunt and sister and not get in the way of any of their little ‘activities’.

“Promise me you’ll be safe.” Said Thomas while y/n chuckles. “I can handle myself and a pair of girls Thomas! No need to get worried.” He gives Thomas a smile. “Things will be okay, I promise.”

But things were not okay.

The day that y/n was meant to guard the girls was the same day that a few of Tommy’s own men decided to betray him and use the girls as bait, but of course the first thing they had to do was get rid of the guard, which was y/n.

On that same day he actually got to know Polly and Ada a bit more and the two actually liked him in return. He was a stunning man and a caring one, he spoke softly to the two and offered to carry their things when they bought new stuff. He was a gentleman and the two adored it, they thought he was special since most men weren’t like that anymore.

The girls decided on having some tea outside the shop where they can enjoy their day while y/n stood next to the small table, smiling at the girls as he listens to them gossip about their family. “Thomas is always making us stay in the shop, do you know how frustrating it is having to deal with cranky men?” Said Ada To her aunt as she rolls her eyes and lights a cigar. “Men are always rude when it comes to betting.” She says in return.

Y/n chuckles to himself which catches pollys attention. She looks up at him and smiles, “of course not you y/n, your different.” She points out as y/n shakes his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” He quickly apolgizes but Polly waves her hand. “Dont apologize!” She says. “To be honest, I wonder why tommy chose you as our personal guard? He said that he trusts you.” She sits up in her chair, leaning forward as she rests her elbows in the tables. “Theirs something about you that tommy likes.”

Y/n feels himself grow anxious, both him and Thomas have been friends for years and the way they first met was very weird and childish, you could say but through out the years he’s grown to love tommy. But of course he couldn’t tell him that, he didn’t want to lose the friendship they had.

“Tommy’s a good friend...he helped me when I needed it the most and I’m greatful for that.” He’s quick to tell Polly. Hoping that she doesn’t figure out about his unrequited love.

Polly can only stare, letting out a puff of smoke as she grins and slowly sits back. “Whatever you say, darling.”

Y/n rasies a brow and tilts his head. What was that suppose to mean?

He opens his mouth to ask something but is cut off by a car approaching. He looks up to see Thomas and his brothers exiting the vehicle, his eyes scan the brothers and notices the hint of blood smeared in their clothes. Once his gaze turns to Thomas the two make eye contact, causing y/n to smile a little at Thomas. Glad that he’s okay.

Smiling at Thomas, he notices a strange man approaching them from behind. It causes him to squint his eyes a little, noticing the gun the man was holding as realization hits him. His eyes widen in fear as he takes a step forward.

“Thomas.” He calls out softly as the man raised his gun up and aims at tommy from behind.

Y/n has no time to process things as he sprints towards Thomas, grabbing him by the arm and shoving him to the side. Causing the other to stumble back as a gunshot is heard.

It takes Thomas a few seconds to notice y/n’s limp body in the ground. His fears becoming a reality. “Y/n...y/n?!” He shouts out in worry as he crawls to his side and slowly turns him on his side to see a gun wound on his shoulder. “Fuck!” He curses out in anger as he looks around.

His brothers were dealing with the man that shot him while Polly and Ada rush to side. “Oh my god.” Polly tries to take y/n from Thomas but he wasn’t letting go, he couldn’t.

“Thomas we need to lie him down and stop the bleeding, you have to let him go.” Said Ada as she stares at her older brother, noticing the fear in his eyes as she slowly pried him off y/n. “Finn has already called for an ambulance, they’ll be on their way.” She explains, using a part of her dress to apply pressure onto the wound.

Thomas can only stare in horror, “is he—is he breathing?” He asks, his voice shaking in fear. Ada takes notice of that as well and makes a quick check, “he’s still alive...but he needs a hospital quick or else he won’t make it.” She turns to her aunt and brother.

Polly looks anxious as she turns to Thomas only to see him sitting back, he was growing dizzy and faint. His vision was slowly going dark as he hears his aunts cries, feeling her hands on his shoulders as she tries to keep him up but that didn’t seem to work. “Y/n.” He looks over at his friends limp body as Ada begins to scream his name, trying to bring him back to reality but it was alreayd too late. His vision suddenly goes dark as he falls back on the floor.

“Tho—“

“Thoma—“

He can hear his name being called.

“Thomas!”

He’s quick to open his eyes, staring at his aunt who stood Over him. A drink in hand as she sighs in relief, “finally you’re awake.” She says as Thomas groans. He slowly sits up from the couch and asks. “Where’s y/n?” He remembers everything that happened today, all of the anxiety that he had suddenly comes rushing back.

Polly sits next to him and hands him the drink. “In the hospital, doctor said that he’ll be awake soon, Just needs time to rest and to heal.” She explains as tommy takes the drink from her and chugs the whole thing down.

Polly watches Thomas closely as she takes the empty glass from him and sets it down on the coffee table. “Y/n.” She suddenly says, catching Tommy’s attention. “That boy, he’s caring and loving.” She mumbles out. “He told me that you two were friends, but I know that’s a lie.” She slowly turns to give Thomas a look that he knew far too well.

“So tell me, what is y/n to you?”

Thomas can only look away, not wanting to answer his aunt but he knows that he’ll have to tell her how he really felt or else she’ll force it out of him. The two have been friends for as long as he can remember, the two helped each other out. Y/n taught him how to be free without having to fear, he taught him what love really was. He was their when Thomas needed someone and when he had breakdowns that no one else knew, He was special to him he’s—

“—my everything.” He randomly blurts out.

Pollys eyes soften as she stands up and collects her things. “Then you tell him that, he’s a sweet boy and I can tell that he means a lot to you, Thomas.” She approaches her nephews side and placed a hand in his cheek, stroking his cheek like a loving mother would. “When he wakes up, you tell him how you feel and be happy.” She whispers, placing a soft kiss on his head. “Now rest, will visit the hospital Tomorrow. I told John and Arthur to stand guard at the hospital in case anything were to happen.”

Tommy’s eyebrows knit together. “Do they know?” He asks Polly who shakes her head. “I doubt your brothers know a thing, hell they could barley figure out that Michael was their cousin when they first met him.” She says, a bit disappointed that her own nephews couldn’t recognizes their own cousin.

“Get some rest Tommy, I don’t want you out of this place until morning.” She warns with a pointer finger as tommy groans, leaning his head back, he was still worried for y/n and he wanted to see him and make sure that he was really okay.

“Thomas.”

He hears his aunts voice and looks up to see her with a soft look in her eyes. “He’ll be okay.” She says, Immediately knowing what he was thinking as she gives him one last smile and leaves the room.

[ignorancelive]

FINALLY DOING ALL MY TAG GAMES AAAA  IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO DO THESE

@whitedeadflower​ |  pick my favourite albums for bill clinton to enjoy

not necessarily my favorites but i always pick the same 5 albums for these so i just put 4 albums i like a lot and have been listening to more recently <3

@opossuwu​ | 15 questions

1. What is the first song you remember hearing?

english songs: either learn to fly by foo fighters or human by the killers, i really cannot remember which one but it was around the same time im pretty sure

spanish songs: ALL the songs on/by rebelde, my sister was super into it when i was a baby so i heard so many of their songs right as i was learning to become a human

2. What is the first band you got into?

mmmmmmm probably one direction? if we’re not counting rebelde lol

3. Do you collect music on any physical format?

i collect almost all cds i know and like on CD and have recently started buying vinyl but i think im only going to get albums i really like on it since its more expensive

4. What is your favourite piece of music-related memorabilia/merchandise?

SO many things. i really like my nirvana and red hot chili peppers shirts because they make me feel cute! im also IN LOVE with the in utero angel sticker i bought on redbubble that has a transparent border so its JUST the angel, i stuck it on my record player and i love it so so much

5. What is your favourite concert you've been to?

i have not been to a concert yet :/ i went to a little student festival thing my university hosted for us and saw hunny + hayley kiyoko which was pretty neat

6. If you could see one artist (or band) who is no longer alive in concert, who would it be?

nirvana :(

7. Have you met any musicians?

i went to a cd signing for little mix when i was like 12-13 ish but thats the closest ive gotten lol

8. What is your go-to song/album when feeling sad?

i actually have a playlist of comfort songs to listen to when im sad, but i think the song i most consistently go to is encore by red hot chili peppers

9. What is your go-to song/album when feeling happy?

this one depends. probably hump de bump also by rhcp cause it SLAPS and always puts me in a better mood than when i started

10. What is one music-related documentary you love?

EYE only watched a few minutes of funky monks but im sure if i sat down to watch it now id love it. this is the worst question to ask me because i watch a ton of interviews on youtube so i cant even remember which ones were legit docus as opposed to just youtube vids so this question is gonna be basically unanswered. i do want to watch bob and the monster though

11. What is one concert DVD that you love?

i listen to it more as an album on spotify than watch it but Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged is so good

12. Do you prefer listening to playlists or full albums?

usually playlists! but occasionally ill play the albums i have on my player

13. Do you tend to listen to albums in order or on shuffle?

in order, shuffling them is rare

14. What is your favourite deep cut song by your favourite artist?

favorite artist is rhcp and honestly im? not fully sure. quixoticelixer slaps. and i like almost every song on im with you. but i think im gonna have to go with storm in a teacup cause i checked its streams and its not that popular </3

15. What is your favorite CD/vinyl/cassette that you own in terms of packaging?

THIS ONES SO HARD I LOVE PACKAGING DESIGNS. i love how rhcp’s im with you disc looks like because it has the track list on it but it doesnt look bad like other discs who do that do. booklet design i love vices and virtues by panic at the disco and american idiot by green day. idk what this would fall under but i also love how stadium arcadium’s booklet is held in the case and how when you take it out you see a picture of the band. and there are too many albums whose art i love so i cannot elaborate on that without making this 5xs longer lmao

@garbanz0​ & @dailywilliams​​ | top 5 songs ive had on repeat recently

according to spotify’s on repeat playlist:

but also according to my last.fm:

so basically red hot chili peppers own my ass

@badhe4d​ , @garbanz0​ , & @catts-world​ | 10 songs you like, each by a different artist

uhhhhhhhhhhh

1. Monarchy of Roses - RHCP 

2. Back and Forth - Foo Fighters

3. Heart of Glass - Blondie

4. Omission - John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

5. Dance with Me - Sir, Please

6. Henrietta - The Fratellis

7. Breed - Nirvana

8. Mary - The Happy Fits

9. Girls and Boys - Blur

10. It’s All So Incredibly Loud - Glass Animals

@psychoticbreak​ |  suppose you’re being sent to a deserted island for the rest of your life, and you can only choose 10 records to bring with you and those are the only albums you can listen to for the remainder of your life; what albums are they

oh GOD ok

1. in utero - nirvana

2. stadium arcadium - RHCP

3. nothing personal - all time low

4. red - taylor swift

5. after laughter - paramore

6. wasting light - foo fighters

7. im with you + im beside you if you count them as the same album - RHCP

8. so wrong its right - all time low

9. american idiot - green day

10. inside of emptiness - john frusciante

@mark-hoppuss​ |  shuffle my playlist and list the first ten songs that come up

1. New Invention - I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

2. Thanks to You - All Time Low

3. Por Que Me Haces Llorar? - Juan Gabriel 

4. Torture Me - Red Hot Chili Peppers

5. Speak Now - Taylor Swift

6. Prayer of the Refugee - Rise Against

7. Going Away to College - blink-182

8. Time-Bomb - All Time Low

9. DNA. - Kendrick Lamar

10. Heaven is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle

@frafru1​ , @whitedeadflower​ , & @psychoticbreak​ | make a playlist with the letters of my name

Lithium by Nirvana

Universally Speaking by RHCP

Pool by Paramore

Eye Opener by Dot Hacker

@badhe4d​ |  post my lock screen, the last song I listened to and the last picture I saved on my phone

friends name blocked out but. an interesting screenshot. yes i have flea’s tweet notifs on and use twitter for absolutely nothing else. yes i have email notifs on 

if screenshots count:

if they DONT count and you mean purely just saving:

my icon and boyfriend <3

@badhe4d​ | 7 questions to get to know me better

three ships: not romantically because i dont believe in shipping irl people but i love everyone in rhcp’s gay polycule energy. specifically john and anthony in the 80s. romantically tho mickey and ian in shameless. i dont think i have a third one? me and my bisexual mutuals <3

last song: i shuffled a ton of songs and skipped for some of these tags but before those i was listening to the album weird kids by we are the in crowd as a tbt, specifically the song manners

last movie: inside by bo burnham but if you dont count that, hereditary 

currently watching: it is very difficult for me to watch shows so im currently just watching youtube lol

currently reading: nothing. i cannot read :( bc of attention issues not bc im illiterate

currently consuming: banana bread :3

currently craving: RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS RELEASE YOUR FUCKING ALBUM CHALLENGE

@the-replacemints​​ |  top 10 favorite debut albums

NOT in order. also it took way too long to come up with this list lol

1. Concentrate - The Happy Fits

2. So Wrong It’s Right - All Time Low

3. SOUR - Olivia Rodrigo

4. Strange Desire - Bleachers

5. RAZZMATAZZ - I Dont Know How But They Found Me

6. Hot Fuss - The Killers

7. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend

8. Bleach - Nirvana

9. Costello Music - The Fratellis

10. WALK THE MOON - Walk The Moon

because theres so many of these im not gonna tag people for each individual prompt but if you tagged me in one of these i tag you in whichever ones you wanna do <3

[normal-thoughts-official]

Wait you said you watched the Rourke ending in youtube? Ahhshshsjs that makes a lot of sense, but I replayed that chapter so I could briefly experience them, my final choice was mc ending but not for more noble/reasonable reasons like yours (it makes more sense/the others are happier) but because I'm dramatic and I want to see them grief mc dramatically (cough-not-like-ilitw-cough) 10/10 also Quinn and Michelle seemed way closer ? Which was a nice bonus and I've enjoyed a few fanfics of them (in a lor of cases as secondary couple but nice)

Wait what are your thoughts on alestair and Estella being half siblings? Or honestly give me all your thoughts on all the crazy things because there were so many plot points, I wasn't as good as a detective as you so our thoughts were probably different <3

Also if you don't have a li Diego is the one being with you in most moments (my bff <3) and it's really heartbreaking watching all the moments when they pass all together, recommend also watching in youtube

i watched it on youtube yeah. i replayed the last chapter to check out the endless' ending but i disliked it so much i replayed AGAIN just to pick vaanu's ending again lmao jdndidm but i wasn't willing to pick rourke's. tbh i wasn't even that interested until i saw a fic that was set in rourke's ending and i was like alright i should probably check that out. i was glad i didn't pick it even to check it out cuz once it said the vaanti were in c*ncentration camps i was filled with so much disgust i dont think i couldve lived with myself if i picked that one, even out of curiosity, lol

also ur reasons are valid lmaooo. i never played ILITW sacrificing the MC (like rip noah i love u but i dont think MC sacrificing themself even makes sense in ILITW) but ive seen many ppl complain that we aren't mourned jdndidndidndod thats gotta suck

and yess quinn and michelle!!! i think i mentioned before that i shipped them quite a bit (michelle/quinn/grace ftw honestly, also like i said michelle was such a RAGING lesbian to me, her energy with every single female character was off the fucking charts). once im gone inhaling variego fic quinn and michelle are definitely next on the list

as for estela and aleister being half siblings, i DEFINITELY didnt see that one coming. altho to be fair i didn't give it a lot of thought. but it made sense i guess? idk i didnt have that many thoughts abt it other than well, at least that explains why estela is so light skinned. cuz like i love her and shes gorgeous and all but seriously. i know that there are latines who are that light skinned but no more fictional light skinned latines the world has evolved past the need for fictional light skinned latines. just once i want to consume media with unambiguously brown, clearly indigenous latines - you know, like most of us are. and estela is COLOMBIAN. like come ON man

but anyway! i think it made sense but not really in a "wow, this explains so much" way, u know? more like damn ok im accepting this. which is not a bad thing necessarily but yeah. im pretty interested in finding out how estela dealt with that knowledge afterwards, tho. like she had dedicated so much of her life to killing him and then she finds out he's her dad. which doesn't change how she feels about him in the slightest but does make her revisit everything she thought she knew about their relationship. and to know that her own father had her mom killed has to be. oof. i feel so sorry for her. she's gone through so much and she deserves to be happy, u kno

and yes, i know!!! i want to replay it without romancing anyone cuz honestly diego might be my favorite character and im just a sucker for a good platonic relationship. honestly even romancing sean id have been so much more down for diego being the one to show up when the endless shows his memories for example, u know in that "one moment repeats over and over" scene??? i think it makes more sense if it's diego than a LI even if you HAVE one. diego's relationship with the MC is definitely the strongest one because like, he literally needed us so bad we showed up already being friends, you know? hes a part of the MC more than anyone else just because of that. and that doesnt make MC's relationship with the LIs any lesser! it can even be a "soulmates are built, not found" thing which i always think is more powerful. and diego is just... really special. and i wouldve loved to see a platonic relationship take the front seat instead of being like, plan B in case u didnt date anyone. but well

either way im excited to replay without a LI and have all these moments with diego ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ i ended up not getting a lot of moments with him cuz because of the m*d i had infinite gems so i could pick as many gems scenes as i needed and most emotional diego moments were like "backup", which i only found out later and really sucked

so i have quite a few replays lined up as i want to do one replay im livereading with my friends, one to get all the clues (i think i got like, 50-something out of the 62), one to get the platonic moments with diego, and i already did one replay without spending any gems to see what the results would be. so yeah dunddid consider me hooked on this story, damn you /j

[shhh-no-ones-home]

artistry (1/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

therapy, and hatred for the same things; the beginning of a beautiful love story 😌

also sorry this is not any of the stories on the list i published a couple weeks ago. ive been submerged in the falcon and the winter soldier and really wanted to write more for Bucky so here's the beginning of that. i will be working on the other stories they just may take more time. but for now i hope you all enjoy the bucky content!

Song: never know by set it off

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I stood, knees to the couch, arms folded over my chest, Studying the wall as best I could. God I fucking hated it. It was so polite and warm and inviting. Barf.

"Disturbing."

I grumbled, hearing soft footsteps against the carpet.

"Oh sorry, they told me to wait in here I didn't realize there was someone-"

I glanced over at him for a moment. He seemed like he wanted to leave but I'm sure he was curious what I was doing. I was staring at the wall behind the couch after all.

"It's kind of infuriating isn't it?"

I asked, looking over the pale greens and blues.

"Um, what is?"

He now seemed very confused. I nodded towards the mural.

"Sometimes when I look at this wall too long I can just imagine myself punching a hole in it."

I half laughed.

"I couldn't tell you how many times I've wanted to offer to paint over it."

I uncrossed my arms, side stepping the couch and touching the wall gently.

"I never really thought about it but it is kind of ugly isn't it?"

He sent me a smile and I couldn't help laughing more.

"Y/n."

I said offering my hand to shake.

"James."

"Firm grip ya got there James."

He rubbed his gloved hands together, looking to the floor as his smile faded.

"Thought I knew my own strength."

I kept the smile on, touching his shoulder gently.

"Hey, a firm grip isn't necessarily a bad thing. Besides, no harm no foul. I'm sure you put it to good use."

I winked at him and he seemed like he didn't know what to do again. Until he let out a nervous laugh.

"Right."

I nodded once, looking back over the wall and dropping my hand from him.

"I should probably get going, doc should be in soon and I wouldn't want to take away from your session."

I walked past him.

"It was nice to meet you James."

As I reached the door he cleared his throat.

"Hey y/n-"

He said quickly and I turned back around to face him. He was fiddling with his fingertips, pinching the leather of the black gloves.

"I uh, don't get out much but I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink. Maybe, talk about how you'd repaint this wall?"

He pointed to it haphazardly, a smile making its way back to his face. In that moment I couldn't help the one creeping it's way across my own lips. I nodded quickly.

"I'd like that a lot James, uh here, you can call or text me at this number and we can work something out."

As I spoke I reached into my bag and pulled out a business card that I probably hadn't used in too long. The edges were fraying and my occupation had changed but I handed it to him anyway. He held it between both hands and looked over it.

"Are you free tonight?"

He asked, hope behind his eyes. I pretended to think for a moment.

"Ya know what I think I am."

I said and his smile got wider.

"Meet me at the bar at the corner of tenth and Jefferson?"

I nodded slowly at his inquisition, backing up into the doorway and squeaking when my back hit the wood.

"Eight o'clock, don't be late."

I said, turning and almost running into Dr Raynor.

"Oh, sorry, uh have a good session."

I mumbled quickly, ducking past her.

"I'll see you tonight James."

°°°°°°°°°

As I sat at the bar alone I began to doubt he was even coming. It was almost nine already and I was starting to think I was stupid for even waiting this long. Maybe I should go. Or maybe I should try to find someone else to talk to. The band was pretty good after all. I sighed and raised my finger to get the bartenders attention. when she turned around i opened my mouth-

"I'll have what she's having."

I heard, looking over to James with wide eyes as he sat beside me. He was wearing a navy blue leather jacket of some kind that exposed his left, metal, arm.

"You actually came."

I said surprised. He seemed almost ashamed.

"Sorry I'm late. My friend needed me and we got a little caught up. I was going to call but-"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and the top was barely hanging onto the base by a wire. the flip phone kind of took me aback though. but it didnt matter, he showed up.

"It's okay, im just glad you actually came."

He let out a nervous laugh and took a sip of the drink the bartender had sat down.

"I was hoping you'd still wanna talk, even though I'm an hour late."

I nodded, looking over his face as he fully turned to me and my face fell.

"An hour late and bleeding."

I reached towards him and touched his temple gently. He winced at first.

"You wanna get out of here? I can get that fixed up; I only live about a block away."

I suggested and he nodded slowly.

"Uh yeah, I'd like that."

I paid the bartender and stood up, James following me outside. I inhaled deeply at the scent of rain as the sky darkened with clouds.

"So, something life-threatening happen on your way here?"

I asked, laughing a little as he looked to me.

"I'm kidding. Unless it did, in which case I'm glad you're okay."

He scratched the back of his neck, pacing slowly beside me.

"Good talk."

I said and he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I just, I don't do this often and I feel like I've already lost my chance with you."

I looked to him and drew my brows.

"would i have invited you to my house if you had?"

he shrugged, side nodding before tucking his hands into his pockets. i frowned when he didnt respond.

"look, james, i think I'll be the judge of whether or not youve lost your chance and right now I say you haven't. but you said you wanted to talk and there's not a whole lot of that going on."

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

I asked, slipping my right hand into his left elbow and he stopped. He looked down at our arms connected for a second and then I felt bad.

"Sorry, I just uh, figured it'd lighten the mood a bit. Sorry."

I pulled away and kept walking.

"Wait. No, it's just-"

I looked back at him and watched as he opened and closed his hand a few times.

"I don't really associate good things with it so it took me off guard a little bit. You can, uh, you can hold my hand if you want. That's fine."

He stepped closer to me and took my hand in his. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks, I guess I just wasn't really thinking."

We kept walking.

"It doesn't bother you?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Why would it bother me?"

There was a long silence as we rounded the street corner.

"I don't know."

He said softly.

"Uh, we're here."

I said, letting go of his hand and walking up the stairs to unlock my front door, looking to him as he looked over it. when i offered for him to come inside he hesitated for a moment but followed me in anyway.

"here you can sit here, let me get a look at where this blood is coming from."

he watched as i pulled the stool out form under my breakfast bar and i felt more nervous than before. it had suddenly occurred to me that we would be getting much closer and that led to some pretty self-conscious thoughts. but who was i kidding? he bared himself to me already, why should i be scared?

i inhaled deeply as he sat, moving to turn another light on so i could see better. i moved back over to stand between his legs, touching his jaw lightly and tilting his head down. he kept his eyes on me as i touched the wound gently, hearing his breathing hitch in the back of his throat before i let go to get a cold wash rag.

"so, you wanna tell me what happened?"

i asked, trying to lighten the mood as i came back and began wiping the dried blood away from the cut at his hairline. my finger tips were at his chin and he seemed more relaxed now.

"i was helping a friend."

he repeated like before. i nodded once.

"you live a dangerous life don't you James?"

he looked up at me with innocent eyes.

"bucky."

he said and i raised a brow.

"bucky?"

"thats what my friends call me."

i nodded once.

"are you calling me a friend?"

i asked and he finally cracked a smile.

"if you want to be."

he said and i let out a short laugh.

"and if i dont?"

his smile began to fade and he cleared his throat. i looked to the ceiling for a moment before leaning down and kissing his cheek gently.

"thats not what i meant bucky."

when he looked back up at me he seemed so lost, like this was a new type of kindness. part of my heart broke thinking about what could have happened to lead him here.

"what do you say we call this a trial run? we can take a weekend sometime and maybe go to the art museum down the street, get pizza for lunch, and just have a good time."

he seemed like he was still trying to study me as i put the wash rag on the counter and wiped my wet hands on my jeans.

"no blood, no confusion, just two people having a good time."

i held my hand out for him to shake. he nodded slowly, the smile barely there as he reached for it.

"i think id like that y/n. i think id like that a lot."

[chikkou]

I always kept terry in my second seat and he always got kidnapped. I spent longer getting money to get him back than anything else. the only reason I started sleeping in that hotel was to keep him safe

there is something so beautiful and loving about this... and i honestly fucking relate bc i went through the MOST nonsense regarding terry when i replayed lisa a little while back fdjgdf

basically when i was in the area 2 crossroads i rested at a campfire and when i woke up terry had gotten kidnapped by the pretty boys, who charge 200 FUCKEN MAGS to get party members back.. i had enough saved up thankfully so i was fine to pay it, but my dumbass couldnt find their hideout LMAO so i spent a fucking while looking for it

i also distinctly remember that it was extra frustrating bc i had JUST done the russian roulette minigame and unfortunately hadnt saved after finishing it (rookie mistake i know) and instead immediately rested to heal up my party, so i couldnt reload. i also didnt want to save with terry out of my party in case it caused some kind of glitch, so i was in a stalemate where if i got unlucky i was doomed to repeat all of that. in hindsight i was really riding on a wing and a prayer the entire time i was looking for him LMAO

so anyway in the process i made it back to area 1 and realized id missed a really good flashback sequence, so i went even further back to see it and then checked the blue rockets (the kidnappers in area 1) to see if they had terry, which they didnt. i didnt know what to do so i just went back to area 2 to keep going LMAO

on the way back to area 2 i saw chester (the traveling salesman) at the construction site and decided to buy some stuff, at which point i noticed the game was offering me items that only terry can use. i was kinda like “oh weird, i guess its just reminding me what items he uses for when i get him back?” and didnt think much of it, but when i went into the party menu to dole out the items id just bought, TERRY WAS THERE IN MY PARTY

i had NO clue how tf he got there but i immediately ran to the nearest inn and slept there to safely restore everyones health (i remember he was a little beat up but mostly fine), and saved right after to be sure. i of course didnt find the pretty boys until AFTER all this, and it was weird - in hindsight, i remember that i DID go to their cave more than once, but they werent in the hostage cave (which is where they would be if theyd kidnapped a party member) and they also werent in their default area right outside of it. i dont know if i was just missing them frequently and im misremembering or what, but that shit was SO perplexing

and the craziest part of all this is that i immediately assumed that some weird glitch had happened where i automatically triggered the payment to the pretty boys by going back to area 1, which i was fine with, except that i had just spent money with chester and i had the same mag count i did before terry disappeared LMAO... SO NOT ONLY DID HE NOT DIE AND CAME BACK TO ME SAFELY, BUT IT WAS COMPLETELY FOR FREE GFDOKGDF

[pynkhues]

linocut anon here. my fingers are fine, but this was definitely the worst ive accidentally stabbed myself while doing a cut! gonna buy some cut proof gloves today. sucks about the publisher doing that. if you dont mind me asking, whats the novella called? id love to read it.

Follow up to this post.

I’m glad your fingers are okay, anon! Cut proof gloves definitely sound like a good idea! My thumb has sort of half-healed at this point? I took the bandage off yesterday and it’s blistered around the cut, so it’s pretty gross, haha. I....probably should’ve gone to hospital instead of fixing it myself because I am 100% sure it needed stitches, but alas. 

And yes! I’m happy to share! Sorry I didn’t earlier – I wanted to wait until the publisher fixed the spelling of my surname, because I get enough confusion about it already (mostly because people think it’s a joke, haha, RIP me).

It’s called Drift and it’s only about 8k words. In it, a young woman is going through a difficult time, having just been made redundant at her job and hitting a rough patch with her boyfriend who’s overseas on a trip they were supposed to be going on together before she lost her job, but then she discovers that her new housemate can levitate and becomes obsessed with learning how to do it herself at the detriment of everything else in her life. 

It’s basically an extended metaphor for procrastination, haha. 

You can buy it as an ebook for $3 here if you’re interested. I’ve put the first scene behind a cut though in case you want to read that first!

-

So they pour another drink, something sweeter this time, blush pink and syrupy that’ll sit thick on their teeth by morning. Hest grimaces at the taste before leaning over to try and swap it for Annie’s beer. It’s no good though – even dead asleep, Annie’s grip is tight.

“I kind of like it,” the New Girl says, snapping her lips and wiping the dust from the shoulders of the bottle. They’d found it somewhere under Hest’s bed, in a forgotten pile of crusty knickers, ripped off dress tags and sun-bleached receipts. She can’t remember where she got it from, or even when, which probably isn’t the best sign. She hasn’t drunk this sort of thing since high school.  

“I feel like I’m drinking some Alice potion shit, y’know?” New Girl continues. “Like it’s about to go all Wonderland up in here.”

“The potion doesn’t take Alice to Wonderland,” Hest replies, sighing when Annie yawns and rolls over, taking the beer with her and spilling it all over their ugly carpet in the process. “It makes her tiny, and then she almost drowns in her own tears.”

The New Girl seems to consider this, turning the thought over in her thoughtful head. Not that Hest knows if she’s thoughtful. Not yet anyway. She only moved in two days ago, and Hest and Annie’s luck with social-media-tree flatmates hasn’t exactly been great. At least New Girl had paid two weeks in advance and didn’t give off a totally drug fucked vibe.

“Do you watch anime?”

Not totally drug fucked vibe.

Hest squints in New Girl’s general direction.

“What?”

“Anime. Sailor Moon, Pokemon, Dragonball. Those Japanese cartoons.”

At Hest’s look, New Girl continues.

“There’s a subgenre of it, right? It’s called Magical Girl, and it’s like, transformative, you know? It’s school girls who are usually total wet blankets, and have like, nerd friends and they’ll find a wand or an eyelash curler or a magical moon cup, and as soon as they use it, they become this amazing warrior princess, destined to save the universe.”

A car drives past the window, briefly lighting up the room, casting an eerie glow across the two of them, and it almost makes Hest want to snuff the candles. To let all this light swallow her whole right before the darkness does. Or, well. Maybe not. Maybe she’s just trying to play at romantic. Make this dimness a choice, instead of a fact of not being able to pay an electricity bill. Her eyes slip shut. She rubs briefly, furiously, at the bridge of her nose.

“Point?”

It takes New Girl a minute to respond, and it’s enough for Hest to finish her sugar piss champers and pour herself another. Annie’s snoring now, softly, the sound more of a hoarse, humming breath than anything, and Hest has to resist the urge to shove her awake. This whole thing had been Annie’s idea anyway, a night to welcome New Girl into the fold, to try and curb some of the issues they’d had with the last flatmate, who always bitched that Annie and Hest left her out, which, to be fair, they did. Often deliberately.

She was really annoying.

“I don’t know,” New Girl says with a laugh, shrugging. She scrunches up her nose, holds the bottle up. “This kind of feels like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like a magic girl thing.”

Hest snorts.

“What?”

“What?”

New Girl squints, mirroring the look Hest had given her not two minutes earlier.

“You made a noise.”

New Girl’s tone is sharp, and it’s enough to surprise Hest. Even after just two days of knowing her, it doesn’t seem like her. New Girl, with her ratty, faded pink bob, and enormous doe eyes and boyish form has seemed sort of effortlessly chill and effortlessly cool and also neurotic and high strung, but in a sort of chill, cool way. Like Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind had had a baby with Steve Buscemi in Ghost World and it kind of, somehow, ended up looking like every character Zoe Kazan has ever played in a movie.  

“Magic girl thing,” Hest supplies, waving out an aimless hand. “You sound like you walked out of a teenager’s tumblr blog.”

“Saying tumblr blog just shows your age,” New Girl says. “It’s just tumblr.”

“Funny, I thought actually knowing the plot of Alice in Wonderland showed it more.”

New Girl rolls her eyes at that, and at least it’s enough to make Hest laugh.

“Whatever,” New Girl says. “You’re not even that old. Like - - whatever. All I’m saying is, like. Magic, y’know?”

Hest laughs, quip ready on her tongue, only there’s New Girl, sitting, somehow, a foot off the floor, her legs stretched out in the open air, her hair floating, impossibly, around her head.

“Magic,” one of them repeats, Hest isn’t sure who.

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.