#in which mason has a Bad Time (TM)

[fluffyllamas-23]

The Graduation Ceremony (OC’s Mason and Chase)

At the very top of the list of things that Mason wishes would happen, waking up sick was not on it. It’s not so bad at first - his head throbs and his throat is unbelievably raw and scratchy, but it’s still mild enough that he can ignore it.

He’s desperate for it not to get any worse than this. Not just because being sick is the worst, but because it’s three days until Chase graduates from his Master’s program, and there’s absolutely no way Mason is going to miss it.

Come hell or high water, he’ll be there.

Chase’s family isn’t coming, something they didn’t tell him until last week.  It’s not that surprising, really, because they’re the worst people Mason had ever met, but it still stings, and he can tell Chase is more disappointed than he’s letting on.

So, Mason has to be there. He’s been downing orange juice and airborne and just about every other immune boosting supplement he can think of in the hopes that he’ll be able to ward whatever this is off.

Chase walks through the door late Thursday night, exhaustion clinging heavily to his bones and muscles. He’s pulled one too many late nights this week, desperately trying to get all of his papers done. He finally finished the last one and is officially done with the masters’ program - something he never thought he would be able to say.

He coughs into his fist, the sound is low, grating and scratchy, and he feels awful enough that the idea of sleeping on the floor almost wins out over walking the extra ten feet to the bedroom.

“Chase?” Mason mumbles sleepily, walking out of the bedroom.

His hair is a mess - matted on one side, sticking up in every possible direction on the other. His cheeks are flushed pink from sleep and the warmth of the blankets, and all he wants to do is go back to bed.

However, the idea of seeing Chase for the first time in nearly a week wins out over his overwhelming desire for bed.

“Hey,” Chase croaks, sending him a weak smile, “I’m finished.”

Mason’s eyes light up, “for good?”

“Uh-huh...turned in my last paper half an hour ago.”

“Ohmigod congratulations, I’m so proud of you,” he grins, crossing the distance between them to pull him into a hug, “oh, I’m so proud of you.”

“It was an awful paper...the worst I’ve ever written,” he groans, dropping his forehead down to rest against Mason’s shoulder.

“Who cares? You’re done, that’s all that matters.”

Chase opens his mouth to say something, but instead twists away from Mason to cough into the crook of his elbow.

Mason grimaces, “that doesn’t sound good...feeling alright?”

Chase shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes as he sniffles, “not really.”

“Oh, honey,” Mason frowns, reaching out to palm his forehead. He inhales sharply at the steady, rolling heat that meets his hand, “yeah, you’re definitely feverish. Go lie down, I’ll be in in a second with some medicine.”

Chase isn’t entirely sure if he’s actually sick or if he feels this aggressively awful because he’s so sleep deprived. Either way, their bed has never been this comfortable in the entire three and a half years that they’ve owned it.

“Hey,” Mason mumbles, walking into their room.

“Mmm,” Chase hums, already more than half-asleep.

“Don’t sleep yet. I have medicine,” he says, putting a hand on Chase’s back. “Do you want to change? I know you’re tired, but I don’t think jeans are that comfortable to sleep in.”

“M’gettin’ up,” he mumbles, but makes no indication that he’s planning on moving.

“You need some help?” Mason asks softly, trying not to laugh at his poor, sick and exhausted boyfriend.

“No...no m’good.”

“You haven’t moved.”

“...Well, fuck.”

Mason laughs lightly and rifles through the drawers. He grabs Chase a pair of sweats and tosses them at him.

“You good to get dressed, or do you need some help?”

“I can do it,” Chase grumbles.

Mason sniffles lightly, scrubbing at his nose with his knuckles. He can feel the congestion beginning to set in and his eyes are throbbing with it.

Chase sits up, wincing at the achiness that had settled itself in his bones. His movements are slow and uncoordinated, like he’s having trouble shaking the fever haze.

It takes him a good five minutes just to change into the sweats and by the time he’s under the blankets, he’s completely sapped of all remaining energy (though, he doesn’t  have much to begin with).

*

Mason feels much worse the next morning, which probably has to do with how frequently Chase’s coughing woke him up throughout the night.

Chase finally falls asleep around seven, after calling out of work, a lot of cough medicine and a lot of tired, half-assed back rubs from Mason.

Despite how absolutely exhausted Mason is, he can’t bring himself to fall back asleep. He’s too stressed - Chase’s graduation party is supposed to be tomorrow after the ceremony, but if Chase is still this sick, Mason isn’t sure how it’s going to work.

Mason’s sister is supposed to come over later to help him start getting everything ready for the party, but he’s tempted to text her not to come over so that he can get some sleep.  He waits too long, though, drifting in and out of sleep for the next couple of hours until he hears the front door open and close.  

“Mason, if you’re still sleeping, I’m going to kick your ass,” he hears Kelsie call out from their kitchen.  

Chase groans into the pillow, and starts to stir, “wha-”

“Shhh,” Mason soothes, putting a hand on his back and rubs Chase’s back when he hears him start to cough, “go back to sleep.  It’s just mby sister.”

“Why’s she here?” He croaks, voice completely shredded from all the coughing.

“Your party...which...speaki’gg of, are you goi’gg to be okay by thend? We cand always postponde it for ndext week whend you’re feeli’gg better.”

Mason grimaces at how congested he sounds. It’s fully settled into his sinuses by this point, and his eyes throb with it. Luckily, Chase doesn’t seem to notice - or, at least he doesn’t comment on it. He also doesn’t comment on the four sneezes that punctuated his last statement.

“Don’t cancel the party,” Chase mumbles, “I’ve been waiting for it for too long for you to cancel it.”

“Okay,” Mason says, though he almost wishes Chase wanted it postponed.

The graduation is tomorrow, and while Chase may very well make a full recovery by then (Mason is fully planning on drugging him to the high heavens until his ceremony), Mason knows he definitely will not be better by the ceremony.

“Masoooooonnnnnn!” Kelsie whines, “where are you?”

Mason struggles out of bed when he hears her knocking on their bedroom door. 

“Shut up, Kelsie,” he grumbles, shutting the door behind him.

“Fuck, dude.  You look like actual hell,” she winces, “I was just about to give you shit for being asleep at noon, but it looks like you could use twelve more hours.”

He sniffles, turning away from her to let out a scratchy, congested sneeze, “cand we just get this over with?”

“Seriously, Mase,” she frowns, pressing a hand to his forehead, “are you alright?”

“I’mb, uh...I kind of feel like shit.”

“I can tell. You look it.”

“Love you too, Kelse,” he grumbles.  

“Make Chase bring you home tea and soup or something.”

“He’s sick, too.”

“Oh, fuck. Is he going to be okay for the ceremony?”

“I hope so.”

“Go back to bed, tell him you’re sick.”

“Ndo.  Chase cand’t kndow undtil after the party. He’s goi'gg to worry and I dond’t wandt himb to worry…especially ndot whend he’s sick.”

“That’s an awful idea, you know that, right?”

“It’s finde.”

Mason spends the day alternating between checking on Chase and bringing him whatever he needs, and setting up for the party.  He’s loaded himself up on so many cold meds that he feels a bit like he’s floating, and he’s definitely just running on autopilot at this point.

By the time he collapses into bed, he’s ready to sleep for a year.  

“What time is it?” Chase asks, sounding much more awake and alert than he had earlier.

“Uh...nine, or something...how’re you feeling?”

“A lot better,” he mumbles.  

“Y’sound better.”

“I think I needed a day to sleep,” he mumbles, coughing into the blankets.

“Yeah, I think so too,” Mason yawns, “your cough sounds better...I’m surprised it didn’t get worse because of the...um...the-uh...shit, what’s the word?”

“...Asthma?”

“Yeah, that.”

“You okay?”

“Tired,” Mason mumbles.  

*

“Mason,” Chase says, shaking him awake.

It’s almost noon, half an hour before they need to leave for his ceremony.  Chase had been hoping to get breakfast with him, but Mason had seemed so tired and worn out last night that he wanted to let him sleep for as long as possible.

“Go ‘way,” he mumbles, voice thick with congestion.  

“Oh,” Chase winces, “oh, honey….you sound awful.”

“I’mb finde,” he croaks, “I’mb just...tired. Havend’t wokend up yet.”

“You have a fever,” Chase frowns, hand pressed to Mason’s cheek.  

“Ndo...ndo, s’just a litle one...mb’finde.”

“I think...we should skip the ceremony,” Chase says, trying not to let the disappointment seep into his voice.

“Ndo...dond’t...I’mb finde.”

“Mase-”

“Ndo.  You’ve worked too hard to ndot go to the cerembody.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he lies, “I didn’t even want to walk.”

“That’s bullshit and you kndow it.  You love traditiond...your kids decorated your cap...you’re so excited for this.  I’mb ndot goi’gg to mbake you stay hombe with mbe because I have the sndiffles.”

“You sound like shit,” he says flatly.

“I sound worse thand I feel,” he lies.

“I don’t know...if you’re so adamant that I go to the ceremony, how about you just stay here and sleep, and-”

“-dond’t you dare findish that sendtence.  There’s ndo way I’mb mbissi’gg this.”

Chase sighs, “Mason, come on.  You look miserable.”

“Just drop it.  I’ll be finde for a couple of hours.”

“Okay, fine. I’m driving us, though...and loading you up on a shit ton of DayQuil.”

“Finde by mbe,” he murmurs.  

The medicine does nothing but make him sound less stuffy.  Chase wants to tell him just to stay home because he looks bleary and exhausted and sick, and Chase hates it.  

Instead, Chase drives them both to campus, walks him to where the seating area is, kisses his cheek, and then walks to the graduate check in.  

Mason manages to find where Sean and Lucy had gotten seats, despite how unsteady he feels, and then pours himself into the chair next to Sean.

“Shit, Mase.  Why are you here? You should be in bed, you look awful,” Sean winces.

“Fuck you, too,” Mason croaks, flipping him off weakly.

“He’s right,” Lucy frowns, “Kelsie is going to kill you when she gets here.”

“Good,” he mutters, holding his head in his hands, “I hope she does.”

They lapse into silence - or rather, he lapses into silence, and Sean and Lucy talk amongst themselves.  He feels awful, truly horrendous, and he regrets telling Chase that he’s fine enough to be here.

He’s not, he’s really, really not.  His entire body throbs with an intensity that nearly brings him to tears, and though he does want to cry, he’s so stuffed up that crying will just make it worse.  His head aches, specifically in his sinuses and behind his eyes (which feel so swollen, he just wants to close them).

Exhaustion clings to every limb, and he feels much heavier than he would like.  

“Mason, what the fuck,” Kelsie hisses, sliding into the seat next to Lucy, “I know you’re a moron, but I didn’t think that you were this dumb.”

“Shut up,” he snaps, “leave me alone, I feel awful.”

Kelsie sighs, “I know...hey, how about one of us drives you home? Chase will understand.”

“No...m’gonna jus’stick it out.  S’fine.”

“Are you-”

“Yes.”

*

“S’too hot...why’s it s’hot?” Mason slurs, tugging on the collar of his shirt.  It’s only an hour into the ceremony, and Mason feels like death warmed over - hot and dizzy and lightheaded all at once.

“Mason?” Sean frowns.  

“I don’t...s’hot.”

The entire world is spinning, his vision is coming in flashes now, and he’s too fucking tired to deal with any of this.  Everything hurts - quite possibly even more than it did when he got there - and he just wants to go home.  

“Mason? Mason, hey, look at me,” Sean says, “oh, fuck, he’s burning.”

Mason slumps against him, half conscious as he mumbles something incoherent, and Sean looks at Lucy and Kelsie in horror.  

“He needs a hospital,” Kelsie urges, standing up, “get him to the car, I’ll text Chase.”

Sean and Lucy get him on his feet, and Sean half drags, half carries Mason out of the row.  

“Dude, you need to wake up.”

“What’re you talki’gg about?” Mason mumbles weakly, head lolling forward as his knees buckle.  Sean catches him before he can hit the ground, and

“He’s not sweating, Sean,” Lucy says quietly, pressing the back of her hand to his cheek, “it’s one hundred and eight degrees out, he should be sweating.”

“Oh, shit.  What do we do? I don’t know what to do! He’s dying! My best friend is dying!”

“Oh my god, I forgot you’re the actual worst in emergencies.  There’s a hospital like five minutes from here, get him to the fucking car and turn on the AC,” Lucy hisses, nudging him towards the exit.  “Mason, I need you to work with us a little bit, you need to walk.”

“Huh?” He asks after a few seconds.

“Can you walk? You need to walk,” Kelsie says, catching up to them as she glances at her phone, “oh shit, Chase is panicking.  Uh, he’ll be here in a sec-oh wait.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I told him he should have stayed home,” Chase hisses, running up to them.  He gets on Mason’s other side, draping his arm over his shoulders, “Mason, you fucking moron.”

Everything is a blur - Mason isn’t even sure what way is up at this point. He tries to walk, because he thinks that might be what everyone is telling him to do, but his mouth feels like it’s been filled with cotton, and his ears are ringing as black dots cloud his vision. The pounding in his head increases to a heavy throbbing, and he suddenly can’t figure out how to move his legs.

*

“Mason?” Chase asks anxiously when Mason finally opens his eyes later that night.

He stares up at the ceiling blankly.  He feels too tired, too much like he’s been dragged through hell and back to focus on anything else around him.  

He manages to turn his head, which takes entirely too much effort and is tiring enough to make him fall back asleep.

When he wakes next, he still feels like he’s been hit by a freight train, but he feels significantly less sluggish. The steady beeping of the heart monitor almost lulls him back to sleep, but Chase is asleep on his arm, which is making his fingers tingle.

“Chase?” Mason croaks.  His throat is so dry it hurts, and sends him into a coughing fit that’s intense enough to make tears spring to his eyes.

Chase is awake in an instant, pressing a glass of water into his palm, “drink.”

“Ugh...what...what happe’d?” Mason asks once the fit tapers off and he can finally drink something.

“You got fucking heatstroke because you sat in the hundred and whatever degree heat with a fucking fever you fucking moron, and then you were severely dehydrated because you didn’t drink any fucking water.”

Mason winces, “you sou’d mad.”

“You’re damn right I’m mad,” Chase hisses, “I don’t care about a ceremony nearly as much as I care about you. And how dare you think that I would put something dumb like this over your health and wellbeing? You have the fucking flu and a sinus infection.”

“I’b sorry,” Mason whimpers, choking back a sob.  

Chase’s face softens, and he lets out a breath he hadn’t realized that he was holding, “no...I’m sorry…I’m sorry, I’m just worried. I know you only went because you knew it was important to me, and I love you for that, but, honey, I need to know when you’re not feeling well...do you know how scary this whole thing was? Because I don’t think you do.”

“I’b s-sorry-” he pulls the blankets up over his face and lets out a trio of shuddery sneezes.  

“Bless you.”

“What ti’be is it?” Mason asks, eyes drooping shut.

“Almost nine.”

Mason’s eyes fly open, and he tries to sit up, “what?! Your party!”

“Mason, relax,” Chase says, putting his hands on his shoulders and pushing him back down gently, “sweetheart, you’re in the hospital...Sean and Lucy and Kelsie called everyone.  We’re just going to put it off a couple of weeks.”

“But...you’ve bee’d looki’gg forward to it,” he sniffles, eyes filling with tears.

“It’s still happening, just not tonight, and that’s okay.  I’m honestly kind of tired...and still don’t feel great.”

“Oh...are you alright?”

Chase laughs, but he sounds more exasperated than anything else, “let me just...get something straight here.”

“U’b...okay.”

“You had a one hundred and five degree fever - you still have a fever, by the way, one hundred and two point seven. You passed out, you had heat stroke...you have the flu and a sinus infection, you’re in the hospital, you’re still dehydrated, and you’re asking me if I’m alright? Mase, I’m fine, you’re not allowed to worry about me at all.  You’re not allowed to ask me how I’m feeling, because the answer is going to be the same - I’m fine and you’re not.”

“It was just a questio’d, shit, dude.”

Chase chuckles, “just go to sleep.”

“I wa’dt to go ho’be.”

“I know.  They want to keep you overnight for observation.”

“Okay...hey, Chase?”

“Yeah?”

“I’b really sorry...I just...your fa’bily is so awful...I ‘dew that this was i’bportad’t to you a’d I wa’dted to ‘bake it special.”

“I know...I know you did, and I really do appreciate it. Just get some sleep.”

Mason nods, “‘kay...love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[malepresentingleg]

is it 2013 again? cause i have a rant about teen wolf coming and i feel 16 y/o.

so due to dome heavy procrastination I've consumed a lot of teen wolf content, i skipped a bunch of episodes and a lot of scenes in the ones i haven't but i still have some Thoughts TM

it's good??? i had a Good Time watching, it was funny but intense and dark and i felt Feelings watching, some of the plotlines were meh (or maybe i just skipped them heh) but a lot were interesting and i loved the characters and their interaction

scott. my sweetheart. my baby. such a cutiepie, such a great protagonist 10/10 i love him and would die for him. he's so pure and cute and his little smile melts my heart. i love how he's fundamentally Human no matter how non human he is. he's a great character all around and i kinda wish they didn't do that shit to him at the end (imma get there) or treated him like he ISN'T the protagonist for such big parts of the shows

people KNOW. Stiles knows from day one, allison finds out soon, his mom finds out in season 2! the sheriff in 3, and they just become part of the gang and can help them with stuff bc they UNDERSTAND. shows like that get really tiring when the teens constantly lie to everyone around them and it was very refreshing. the running gag with the coach ruining things tho was funny and I'm ok with it.

Ok this is mellisa appreciation time. she's SUCH a great, complex and unusual mom-of-hero character. i absolutely love her and her attitude, i love how she's not simply being used as a tool to cause scott pain (just.. sometimes) and their relationship is parenting goals.

also isn't it fucking hilarious how she's a nurse but she just knows everything medical. she's also a surgeon and a mortician and a doctor. ik it's for plot reasons but it funny af.

in general women on the show.. had a lot of potential, i love them, but i hate how they were treated.

allison was all around great imo, her and scott's relationship was built very well and was two sided from the start (unlike... yeah), she has emotions, she's smart and brave, but also human and scared, she kicks ass and, again, exists outside of Scott's GF status (mostly). andddd they killed her. idk if the actress had to/wanted to leave or it was a pure writers decision bc they needed to keep just her father or something, but that would have been ok if not for all the other things

we have 3 main kickass ladies with powers- lydia, kira and malia. lydia spent close to FIVE whole seasons not knowing anything about her abilities/not knowing how to control them. cmon, it gets old. scott masters his powers after a season or two (and had control a lot sooner), parrish finds out what he is like half a season after it becomes relevant etc.

malia- do i need to explain? she was CONSTANTLY struggling controlling her abilities, no matter how badass she supposedly was. and kira oh boy, they did her dirty, didn't they?

kira was such a cute adorable character. i loved her and her little crush on scott and wanting to make friends and being freaked out about relationships, i love her discovering her past and heritage and learning to fight and gaining control and becoming a badass. but. what? they just undid all this? oh no the fox is taking over she has no control no agency of her own she needs to disappear for years now bye :( again, idk if the actress needed to leave but it was so unsatisfying and was insulting to the character. she wasn't even mentioned later a bunch like allison was, just they needed her mom for a plot tool and didn't even acknowledge it was her sword they were breaking. uhm rude?

LET WOMEN HAVE POWERS AND BE AWESOME WITH THEM. and not just minor/bad characters thanks.

i love the concept of a pack on the show and how you don't have to be a werewolf to be a part of it, how scott becomes a true alpha and how he cares about his friends. i kinda feel like in later seasons him being an alpha was more talk than show which like /: meh. like i said, he stopped BEING the main character, just talked about as if he was.

i love how friendship is valued, but i think it could be more.. i mean the scene in the motel, all season 3b, scott and lydia, all the girls with each other.. i love it. too many times tho it "wasn't enough" and only romantic love worked which SUCKS. in 6a i was so happy scott went in to try and remember stiles and the memories hit me right in the heart. then when it "wasn't enough" i was SO pissed and frustrated goddammit. i guess that leads me to the next point-

ships, should i talk about ships? i don't want hate in my asks but oh well it's been a few years maybe there's no fandom to care. I'll start with the end

malia and scott. what. the. fuck. when, out of fucking no where, they had like a lingering look or something i was just "nope. no thanks". and then every scene they had together i had to cover my eyes bc it felt so wrong and bad and awkward. jesus. no build up at ALL, they're like family, i just. ew. no. it felt way too much like "oh we gotta pair off the leftovers" or "the main character can't end up single" well guess what, he fucking can. it was. god. i can't even explain the disgust. when he needed to heal and all she had to do was kiss him ugh. it felt so fake and empty of meaning. i would 100% prefer for it to be stiles (I'll get there) or his mom who snapped him out of it.

melissa and chris, i could get aboard with that. def cute, def weird af since his dead daughter was dating her son but, well.

stiles and lydia is a ship i have conflicting feelings about. i absolutely hate the concept of "the nerd" is in love with the popular girl since freshman year and he's borderline being a creep ("oh but it's stiles! he's a dork and he's harmless" no.), completely obsessed with her and she ignores him but then they end up getting together.. i mean, it sends a bad msg to obsessed boys about how it's worth it in the end, and it makes the whole relationship feel unbalanced from the start, makes her reciprocation feel unatural. BUT, i have to admit the show did kinda make me warm up to this ship by the end, curse them. it was kinda cute. i wish there was more mutualness before it became such an important part in 6a tho.

just gonna put it out there: malia/kira and lydia/allison. i wish we saw more girl on girl interactions in general but the ones we had were very good, great dynamics.

i won't get too much into it but i.. i don't ship st*rek. i understand why they're the biggest ship (two white hot boys that interact with each other, i mean.), and i see the couple of fan service-y moments the show throws at us but just. they don't have my heart, i don't really care about them. not the characters, the characters i absolutely love! (tho this watch i skipped most of season 1 and 2 and 3a and i think that's where derek is the most asshole.. didn't he do really bad things? idr) idk if you want a bad character on the way to redemption with someone you should ship liam and theo who had way better shippy chemistry imo, even tho their ship probably wouldn't be healthy given their dynamic history, huh.

the ship that does owns my heart? scilies. I'm a softy when it comes to best friends to lovers, and their bond and relationship is just. so. pure. don't get me wrong, i love me a good platonic relationship, but there was just one to many homoerotic interactions between them for me not to ship it, hard. (not to be that person but my guess is that if Scott was white it would have been a way bigger ship, but who knows?) i love their love, i love they would do anything for each other, and i feel like there were a bunch of very missed opportunities for them in later seasons :(

so representation. this feels like a show that is trying to be Woke TM but it's not going so well. the main character is supposedly latino but it's never ever addressed. idc about "oh we want a world without prejudice" you can still fucking address it. i mean they went to Mexico a couple of times, stiles keeps saying "Mexican cousin" i mean. god. give us something. did i mention scott was told he'd make a great "nazi youth" ..

and you don't need to be a genius to see the most characters are very white or at least very white passing. and when you don't address their non whiteness they might as well be..

i already mentioned how poorly i feel kira was treated, but also mason, who is a wonderful character, gets no depth? we know nothing about him other than being gay and smart pretty much.

i also spoke about the women already but, they were really really great women characters, but not enough of them, not enough that lasted.

there's not much to talk about disability bc it just wasn't on the show. the only blind character was healed which. /: same with epilepsy and asthma..

i think the show is probably very proud (ha) with their LGBTQ+ rep bc they're like "oh let's make this insignificant couple gay bc hey nbg". examples are lydia's grandma, La Bete and marcel, i think nolan and jiang were exes and then nolan and gabe were a thing? idr if it was explicit. the couple of girls in the tent.. probably a couple more. it's nice, def better than all random couples being straight but that's not satisfying as rep.

Danny was great. i think he and ethan were.. cute? i think he was awesome, i loved danny so much and was very excited to learn he KNOWS at the end of season 3 and was waiting to see him join the pack. instead he fucking disappeared?! wtf. #WhereDidDannyGo

brett was cute rep, especially being bi but i feel like it could go into the insignificant pool which, again, is better than nothing.

mason and corey i just don't have strong feelings about. they were definitely cute and I'm glad they were together, i love mason A Lot. i think this relationship could be explored more, or at least the characters could be explored more to give this relationship more depth.

very interesting how there's no wlw canon couple, not even hinted. just fan servicey hot malia kira dance which /:

not to mention transgenderness. god can you imagine the interesting plotline of transitioning while being a werewolf 0:

i think the rep i was most happy about was ethan and Jackson. even tho i don't think there was build up or clues in the first couple of seasons, I'm happy for the actor who i know was struggling with coming out publicly, and it was very fun and refreshing for the ending. even if we got very few scenes with them the dynamic was 10/10

the biggest problem is obviously stiles. i just don't understand why, if they're so supposedly progressive, they went to that length to queerbait without following through. the whole gag of wanting to be attractive to danny and to gay guys, the whole "aww danny want to have sex with me that's so nice", the whole "do you like guys too?". it's a gag. his alleged bisexuality is the butt of a joke, and it pisses me the fuck off. they don't have to make it a big deal or have him get a bf for it to be official. it wasn't subtle subtext. it was a CHOICE. to put a spotlight on his sexuality but not deliver. -100/10 would not recommend.

also they could talk about his mental health more.

and about Scott's, please and thank you.

and everyone's.

i had some more feelings, like villains changing sides without getting a proper redemption and having no consequences, the wholesomeness of the sherriff and mellisa being each other's kids second parent eichen house (wtf??), and more, but i think i wrote enough for now.

tl;dr- good show with A Lot of problems, will always have a place in my heart bc I'm a nostalgic gal.

[alphaofdarkness]

not me here for the oc ask ! can't wait to answer the ones you asked me, tomorrow i have my exam and then i shall live again haha ! but now i'll ask you 1, 2, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 31 — i know, it is a lot ( you don't have to do them all 💕) , but i really want to know something more about your wonderful babies and Dany ofc ! I missed her sm during this semi-hiatus 🤧💕💕💕 hope you're doing fine, sending you lots of love 💞💕💘

@carmenio Edgy!! 🥺 so happy to hear from you! ✨ I love these kinds of asks, especially on my many, many OC babies! I hope these answers are good and interesting to thee! I’ll present more info on Dany to some way, some how cause I love her 😭💖

I have gone and included the other questions you asked as well! 🤗 Let’s dive in! 😳

1. Gone and Answered Here ! UwU

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Personal favorite is often shown in the one I draw the most lol, which for a long time was Danielle LWW, but just because she was also my wolfsona at the time. After I made my own personal one I think I went onto Sam for a good while, also eventually going to Dany from Bsd!

So a tie between two beautiful girls, Sam is definitely my favorite LWW Oc, she is just precious and the one I hold the most and most always feel terrible and bad when I put her through it TM. 

Also Dany is my self insert, U//w//U, she has definitely allowed me to slowly self love and allow me to appreciate myself, especially the parts of me I didn’t think to much about or consider so appealing, I think? She has definitely been changing gradually into more of myself since I first came up with her almost 2 years ago! Watch me slowly knock her down to my height of 4′9″, let her have her 3 inches for another year maybe lol.

My dearest Atsushi agrees lol ✨🐯

17. Any OC OTPs? 

👀 lol yesss~ so many and so many crack ships too, which I'll answer next 😂

I’ll just go on and list them off, plenty more of them but~:

DanyJay

SoraYama

LidiaTom

AlikLucy

IsabelleKayla

AlexanderIsabelle

DarkwolfmonJatomon

JatamonRaiwolfmon

EarthamonHounmon

HumaamonWolverimon

And lastly TakaSam is the one I have definitely drawn and thought of the most! They are the top OTP and just best trope of Childhood Friends to Lovers trope, also filling in that trope of Oblivious to both of them but everyone else 🙄. While SoraYama may have been the OG Couple in my story, my love and warmth for TakaSam is unmatched TwT.

It is wild cause I always draw anguish between them as could-have-been-lovers-had-it-not-been-for-death, but recently been drawing them purely happy and content. Total sweethearts, the love everyone wants, excluding possibility of being old friends or not!

18. Any OC crackships?

L o l, I never seem to focus on the main couples because of this specific thing.

I’ll again just go off in list an maybe add a trope or something to get an idea of them:

DanyYama: Rivals, Constantly arguing, and can be petty as heck, but oh the potential and just possibility of opening up after the traumaTM 👀 also the couple that is always in your face about being in a relationship.

DanySora: Sparing partners, the sass and stubbornness, BiPan solidarity 👀

DanyLidia: Pure, wholesome, best friends and so much hugging and lifting from the tol to smol, the nature love vibes

SamJay: Wholesome, soft, healing together from traumaTM, protectiveness, also their Digimon were lovers and married in their previous life, what does that make us? 😳

SamDany: Mostly sibling-like relationship, but damn they have that Sun and Moon tropes?! How can you not possibly ship them!

SamLula: Shy and Confident, Bisexual/Lesbian solidarity 💕✨

JaySora: Opposite of the DanyYama tropes, why are our partners constantly arguing, can they please stop, pure and soft together.

DanyTaka: Digimon Au specifically, Oh you and I are the voice of the revolution? We are rallying up the troops together? Oh boi my Digimon feels love for yours, am I falling for you or are we falling together? Depression buddies but also each others hope and spirit boost ;;w;;

Any of the Warriors with the Sins: A whole lo t of mess, and just not healthy ... but I can already seen fandom people sayin g otherwise~

LustWrath: Spicy, no strings attached kind of deal.

WrathEnvy: ...Oof um, not healthy, kind of manipulative, we are devils there is nothing but toxic vibes.

PrideWrath: Rulers, King and Queen vibes, Yeah we are toxic for each other, f*** off.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Definitely Darkwolfmon! I am sure I explained in the first question why, but again I consider her to be that other half of me, the part of me I never discovered or the parts that essentially fill in the gaps within me. She is my precious partner Digimon and has honestly come a long, long way since I first created her. I believe sometime in 2009-2010, so almost 11-12 years since. She was the first ever OC of mine and is one I hold closest too in my heart.

For the longest time, even too now, I have always wanted her to just manifest at my side. Go on this journey of life together. While she might not be physically here like my child-self would want, she is still in my stories, my imagination, my inspirational drive. I think that is definitely more than enough, I don't know where or who I would be without having created her. I probably wouldn’t have a whole tale of OC’s and stories to tell if it wasn't for her. 

I am more than grateful and thankful that I am who I am because of this lovely Oc of mine. I can only hope to have her at my side for the rest of my days!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Most, if not all, my OC’s can sing! Their voices and tones vary, to which I cannot give a straight answer on how I headcanon most of their voices right now ^^; I will say that Danielle has a British accent to her voice as well as Spanish speak, and Sora has a Russian accent to her voice, so may be just lightly deep, but not to much.

I will definitely go with my Bsd Oc/Self Insert Danielle Mika Mason, however! Because I have gone and done a thing on how she would speak in her Japanese and English Dub! Other than me also being her voice, her Japanese VA would be Yui Ishikawa, same VA of the queen herself, Mikasa 💕 English VA would be Barrett Wilbert Weed, with an English accent, good Veronica from the Heathers! You can have a listen to her here in this post! 

Dany is meek when it comes to her singing, she will often be caught humming and softly singing something, but quickly tends to stop around others. She is often back and forth with how she sounds and often shuts down when she hears someone she considers better than her. She just needs some encouragement and a gentle push from someone she really cares about. When she does feel the push and genuineness from someone she will sing her heart out. But of course prefers to sing for only that one special person~ can ya guess~ 🐯

31.  Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really).

Oh boi! I literally have moodboards to add to this! I pick Samantha, or Sam! 

She would totes have a Tumblr blog, and Instagram! You always look forward to see what she post and just feel an instant calmness and warmth when you see it! She is always tagging her things appropriately, a soft and warm spring like layout that is shades of yellows, golds, orange, white; an occasional blue and teal as well! She would reblog anything of her aesthetic, golds, yellows, dance and ballet related things (may even post videos or poses of herself in practice and dance related things), cafe shops, sweets and desserts, warm night lights, cats, lots and lots of cats and felines of all shapes and sizes! Her best friend/boyfriend, Takaru always cameos in her stories and posts 💖

She would also reblog or spread awareness of any issues happening in the world, marking them and making her own voice heard as well. In spur moments, you may see her not tag things, but will likely go back to name things accordingly. She would also reblog anything of Bi Pride too!

28. Your most dangerous OC? 

Hmmm,,, my most dangerous Oc, I am taking the notion that they are just plain dangerous and likely of evil intent in their actions. Because plenty of my Oc’s on their own are dangerous in their own right, such as the Legendary Wolf Warriors, who have a great power at their paws. They can be destructive in their actions if they lose control or use it for the wrong intentions, which they wouldn't do of their free will. 

I will say Danielle and Sam are the strongest of the seven, because of their powers of Darkness and Light, respectively. Their souls created the others, so the other Warrior’s power does not match theirs. They can definitely be lethal together if used for the wrong reasons or if they are under the control of a Human or Deadly Sin.

Which leads me to say that the most dangerous of my OC’s with the worst intentions and evil thought processes that makes them dangerous is likely the Deadly Soul Sin Pride, or Mikka Penelope King/Pride as her solid name goes. 

She is definitely the most sinister of the seven sins, even worse than Wrath, who you may figure would be the worst. She has a calculating mind and is very precise in her actions and ways of manipulation. She has a poison within her veins that is just as deadly, capable of blinding others or even killing without remorse or care. While she may be a ghost like entity in my stories, a person/digimon holder in my Digimon College Au, she has enough power to influence people to fall under pride and vanity in the most dangerous level possible, heck even possess them if she wishes. That makes her stronger, as well as the other sins. Does not matter if she is dead or fades away for a while, her influence remains and if it does, than she can exist for a long as she desires.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Lol I saw cinnamon roll and instantly had a list of ocs ready, honestly any child OC I have is instantly a cinnamon roll and to good and put for this world, please treat them all kindly!

Current top Oc’s that come to mind are Haruko Mason-Nakajima, along with their nameless sister/pup! They are the sweetest babies ever and love them so much. Too good and pure, especially nameless pup with her love for tigers; she wants to grow up and be like her sibling and papa 🥺🥰  You can see the post on them here!

Next up is my precious flamey boi named Alik Azure Mizuhara! A next gen. LWW, son of Sora and Yamato! A little sightless boi with the softest heart and warmest empathy for others. Very much like his mother in likeness and pure curiosity of the world’s secrets and tales. His father worries for him a lot, but gradually learns to trust in his ability to guide himself. Don’t worry too much about him, he is very smart and knows how to care and guide himself!

Thank you so much for the time and questions you asked me Edgy! I had so much fun with these and gave me a chance to gush about my dearest OC’s! I do hope you find them of interest! 🤗🥺🥰

May your day be beautiful and amazing!! 🥰✨💖

[sunsetsgod]

flower asks: delphinium & gladiolus

delphinium: what’s your star sign? does it suit you? - i am a gemini and i think that yes it does suit me. the changeability and adaptability and talk-your-way-out-of-anything-silvertongue is mostly true. gimme like five seconds i will be a different person it just depends who i’m talking to. idk if this is a gemini thing but i’m pretty good at reading people’s moods even through a screen or something. inflections and all that. also the unorganized mess is a thing because i’m all over the place all the time but at the same time i know where everything is and 91% of everything i do has a specific purpose and i’ve planned ahead for this. but people still question me bc i look super duper disorganized from the outside. oops

gladiolus: a person you look up to - cliche and basic but my dad when he was in the coast guard [so like late teens early 20′s]. he was pretty cool and also now he’s still snazzy and he is probably smarter than people give him credit for haha. also i’m gonna say fictional people uhh percy jackson for being a sarcastic little shit and also smart as hell, aled last for being one of the coolest people on earth and having some pretty fucked-up history but being able to recover from it, kaz brekker + inej ghafa + wylan van eck from six of crows/crooked kingdom - kaz strategic and brilliant, devious, 75 steps ahead even if he doesn’t need to be, nice suits and hats, inej the wraith, slipping into every shadow, unnoticed by nearly everyone, small but deadly, also a sailor, wylan ‘van sunshine’ because he was giving the worst case scenario [which was really bad] but also because he brightens up every room, sheet music everywhere, fluter, also some piano as a general musician thing, would rather be a musician but made more money as explosion boy tm, jumped off a boat and was only concerned for the life of his flute and his sheet music and not his own life. sarah and mason vowell for existing. angel from vanilla aka genderfluid role model and absolute sass always on the outside, soft on the inside, one of my favorite fictional characters tbh.

[the-voice-of-hell]

The Septagram

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-   Previous   -    First   -

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***

PART SEVEN:

PARADISE

“And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.  In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.

And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him:  And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads.

And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

And he said unto me, These sayings are faithful and true: and the Lord God of the holy prophets sent his angel to shew unto his servants the things which must shortly be done.

Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this bookTM.”

                                     TMAvailable soon on Amazon Kindle!

***

The Queen was in control again, The Septagram was hers, and Seattle was done.  The pink lights of faded halos lit, the orange light of Abalaam’s flaming corpse, and the white light of Amduscias filled the cavern adequately.  Goat boys started to surround people, to lean on them, but Bymaan commanded them to stay their hands.

She straddled the neck of her camel - her throne - and commanded everybody’s attention with hands orant.  “Today I have paid the price for sins of my past.  I mistreated my wheels, Bybaal and Abalaam.  Let me not repeat those sins today.  My judgment is mercy.  Jennifer, Sergio, stand before me.”

Jen grumped at the goats and they quailed away from her, as the two of them approached the Queen.  Amduscias fell in beside them, despite his earlier treachery against Jen’s cause.  She looked at the unicorn in consternation, then back to Bymaan.

The Queen said, “I wanted our shared blood to count for something, I wanted a chance for us to live together in love.  But I can see now that will not be possible.  For your crimes, you must be banished forever from The Septagram.”

Jen wanted to protest, to say Seattle’s name, but she knew it was over.

Bymaan continued, “I know you may be tempted to rebel, to cause trouble, Jennifer, but you owe it to Sergio to allow him to go home.  Please be sensible.”

The unicorn looked at her and blinked softly.  She knew better than to trust the beast now, but it was hard to stay mad at a unicorn.  She and Sergio mounted the beast, and it leapt into the hole in the ceiling to carry them away.

“Now, Jamie Infante and Park Ji-hyung, stand before me.”

The cops staggered before the queen.  Infante glared bullets at the angelic guard, who kept their distance.  Park put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a deep look of concern.  Don’t fuck this up.  He understood.  Whether or not he could restrain his temper was another matter.

Iphigenia walked beside the queen on the right, Cariamon took up a spot at her left.  Infante found it hard to resist glaring at her, but the Queen commanded his attention.

“Jamie, you have resisted this invasion of your land with courage and honor, and suffered more from the hands of my forces than I would have preferred.  But  you remain our enemy.  I expect no less of you.”

“Don’t call me Jamie.”

“Sergeant Infante,” she nodded respectfully, “you will be allowed to return to your country’s lands - to let them know what happened here.  To let them know that The Septagram is here to stay.  If you return in arms, you will be slain.”

“You can’t do this, devil lady.  America always wins.”

Park said, “Accept my gratitude in lieu of his, please.”

“I do, Ji-hyung.  Take care that you both leave our lands with all haste.”

He nodded eagerly.  Cariamon gestured with his rod for some goat boys to help the men leave.  They showed them to the ropes they’d used to descend, and helped Park get to climbing.  They let Infante do that himself - understandably avoiding arm’s length of the furious nephilim.  As Infante climbed up, he looked back to Iphigenia.  She was looking straight at him.

“Madison, Jason, come before me.”

Jason helped his daughter along.  He looked up at the queen with a slightly bowed head, but Maddy was too weary to make such a show of submission.  Her head lolled on her shoulders.

“Your Majesty,” he said.

“Jason, Madison, you tried to take my subjects from me against their will.  It is strictly forbidden.  But you are not my subjects.  In the spirit of amity between our nations - and because the beauty of your love has impressed me - I will allow you full amnesty for your crimes.  I only ask that if you return to your family, respect their wishes in every way.  If you tarry in The Septagram overlong, expect a visit from my legion.  There will be rules for travel between our nations.”

“Uh, Thank you ma’am.  -ness.  High.  Um.”  He settled for a hasty nod.  Words failed him.  The eerie angel with the bone wings came from her side to help escort the two frail humans away.

“Clark Upton,” Queen Bymaan said, “you sought an audience with me?”

Clark stepped past the goat boys and such, took his place before her.

“I guess I wanted to know the score.  Your army made its little announcement with a big show of force.  How can people make an informed decision about something as big as their national allegiance, with goons goose-stepping door to door?”

“I understand, more than you know.  Have you wondered at the source of your unusual power, Mr. Upton?”

“Eh...”

“You are a long lost cousin to every angel in this room - the descendant of love between the Hosts and of Man.  That gives you a place of pride here.  You helped me to defeat my treacherous lieutenant Abalaam, whether you willed it or not, and I am grateful.  Take your time.  Decide if you will join your brothers and sisters in The Septagram, or keep your allegiance to the Empire of America.”

“Well, alright.  I’ll stick around for a bit, thank you.”  He bowed.

He stepped back while the goat boys stepped forward.  They all fell in around their Queen in worship.  Iphigenia looked at the scene in mild disbelief.  What had she gotten herself into?

Bymaan looked down at her kindly.  “Go to her remains and practice this ritual to the letter.  Do let me know if it doesn’t go right.  It will restore her to life.”  She handed the nephilim a glowing pink page, like the one from her vision, manifested from thin air.

Ippy accepted it with great care, and looked up at her.  “This is your part in bringing her back.  You said I had to do something too?”

“You had this power in you all along.  As an angel, your blood can sustain her for as long as you live.  No need for her to take the life of anyone else.  Isn’t that sweet?”

She nodded.  “Thank you.  Thank you.”

The Queen turned to the goat boys.  “Let your Primus know that your legion is now in her thrall.  She is a Knight of Hell, by my decree.”

“Your Majesty!,” they bleated and hustled to make her will a reality.

***

The demon legionnaires escorted Maddy and Jason out to Broadway and abandoned them there.  People and monsters were still ogling the ruins, helping survivors, or chattering in excitement.  They hobbled the opposite direction of that crush, to the south.

Maddy cried, “Where are we going?”

Jason said, “There might still be somebody working in the Pill Hill hospitals.  If not, maybe we can find a way to patch up your leg there on our own.”

“Oh.  How far is it?”

“All this hipster bullshit down here?  Just past that.  See the taller building back there?  That’s one of ’em.  I don’t remember if it’s Swedish or Virginia Mason.”

“So far...”

“I could throw ya over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Princess.”

“Don’t be mean, Daddy.”

“Hehe, I don’t mean it like that.  But you’re less up for walking than I am.  How about a piggy-back ride?”

“Ugh.”

A dolphin with sexy lady legs walked up to them.  “Heya!  You need a hand?”  She didn’t have hands, but it didn’t come off like a bad joke somehow.

“No thanks,” Jason groaned.  Trusting one of those demons with his baby was the last thing he was going to do.

“I’m sorry,” the dolphin thing said, and it walked away.

“Thank you, Daddy.  I can’t...”

“I can’t either.  Mom and Kevin are nuts.  The world is nuts.”

“Mm-hm.”

They hobbled along mutely, the weirdos of the world washing past them in a carnival blur.  Past the college the hill turned down some, then again past the QFC.  They came to the northern base of Pill Hill - a lump of hospitals, now dominated by black citadels.  The handful of citadels around the hospital district were very tall, but only about the width and depth of a city block, so odds were good a substantial amount of hospital still stood somewhere between them.

There was a short but very steep length of hill at first.  They struggled and Maddy cried a few times, but when they got to the top, it was a fairly straight gentle slope down, with hospitals and clinics along the way.

The foot traffic never stopped, but it was a good sign - it seemed like people were coming to the area for medical attention, implying there was indeed a hospital open.

They reached the emergency room at Virginia Mason, and it was hopping.  The atmosphere wasn’t quite war zone and it wasn’t quite Mos Eisley cantina, but it was bizarre.  The hospital staff were supplemented with Hell’s weirdos, looking like Jim Henson creations in scrubs.  Jason took Maddy to the counter.

“Welcome,” said the lady.  “Where and how are you hurt today?”

Maddy said, “I have a broken ankle, and… probably more.”

“Any bleeding?”

“Not a lot?”

“And you, sir?”

Jason said, “Not much.  Could be worth a look at the ol’ bones, if radiology’s still a thing.”

“It is.  Give me your full names, dates of birth, gender.”

Jason started to pull out his wallet and the lady waved dismissively.  “Put it away.  Nobody’s keeping track of any of this.”

He narrowed his eyes.  “Is Queen Bymaan a pinko?  Is that how this is all going to work now?  Who’s gonna pay for that, when you start to run out of… supplies… and stuff?”

“I don’t have time for this.  Names, dates of birth, gender.”  She put two very simple forms on the counter, near the ballpoint pen that was chained to the counter.  They surely weren’t the hospital standard, more like something hastily composed in Word, printed, and cut into fourths with scissors.

Maddy filled hers out, then Jason.  He looked at the lady expectantly.

“It ain’t that different from usual.  Now you get to go wait.”  She pointed to the lobby.

They went among the random citizens of the Septagram and sat nervously.  There were no magazines to read.  They put their heads together and quietly planned their escape.

***

Amduscias had abdicated a great deal of power in Hell for the opportunity to come to Earth.  He breathed air, flexed his muscles, galloped across the asphalt wherever the nephilim told him to go.  It was an amusing fiction - the idea of being a simple beast of burden, an object of affection for a horse girl.  He’d keep it going until a more interesting diversion presented itself.

He leapt across the cavernous collapse of the interstate highway, landing on the north side with a scramble, then kept on - throwing sparks from his powerful cloven hooves.

The early afternoon sun was golden and warm, but the unicorn was fast enough to put some cooling wind on Jen’s cheeks.  She appreciated it.  Part of her wondered if she should trace the same path as Rosemarie and the others, up Westlake to the north - just in case the legions had proven less honorable and left them as rat-gnawed bones along the way.  But I-5 would be the fastest way out of The Septagram, and she was sick of the place.

The elevated highway was so weak from recent abuse that it wobbled under a thousand pounds of horse-like demon duke and a few hundred pounds of angel-flavored people.  It stabilized more as it turned into a bridge over the Ship Canal out into the U District.

Sergio slapped her side to get her attention and she slowed Amduscias to a canter.  She said, “What’s up, Serge?”  It was still a little hard to hear her over the hoofbeats.

“This is north, huh?”

“Yeah.  Quickest way out of the state, up to Canadia.”

“They will be trouble at the border.”

“We can go off to some quiet spot and hop the fence.  But I do wanna see how Rosie and John are doin’, if I can find ’em.  What do you think?”

“I want to go to Venezuela.  We should go in as legal, wait as much as we have to, so I can be able to go.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.  I’m really sorry, buddy.”  Her voice became too quiet to hear.

“Jen.”  He circled her waist more fully with his arms and leaned his chin on her shoulder.  It was a bit of a reach - they were a similar height and she wasn’t small in the middle.  “You know we have a different lifes.  I can’t say we will always like each other.  But I would like if you come to Venezuela with me.  As my lover.”  He kissed her ear.  It was flaming hot, bright pink.

She slowed to a trot, turned to get an arm around him and they kissed.  As she broke the awkward embrace, she said, “Maybe.”

Amduscias whickered in amusement and went back up to a canter without prompting.  Some of the trees alongside the highway had become magically overgrown, towering into the sky.  Some weeds had grown up beside them, to become nearly as tall as regular trees.  The scent of blackberries was heavy in the air.  The crows and gulls steered clear of the streets and buildings, where pigeons starlings and sparrows had become larger than hawks.  Some tiny demons rode them like steeds, merrily jousting in the sky.

It was a new world, and they left it behind.

***

Infante and Park had been offered assistance on the way out of the rubble, but Infante insisted on doing things the hard way, and Park didn’t want to let the guy out of his sight.  They finished the climb a half hour later than Maddy and Jason, with their goatish escort.

The men reached a peak in the rubble and surveyed Seattle.  The sky and land were full of weirdos.  Black citadels still remained - three in a tight cluster at the southwest end of the hill, one beyond it on Beacon Hill, one directly downhill from them in Amazon territory, and one out north on the green woolly side of Queen Anne.

Military surveillance craft were soaring high above.  Would one of those drop a nuke before the cops had a chance to escape the region, make good on their exile?  What did Uncle Sam have in store for the occupied territory?

Park said, “I don’t think they’re going to babysit us on the way out.  Might as well go back to Tacoma and pack our bags.”

“This is ate up, sir.  I can’t fucking stand it.”

“We weren’t ready.  Shit happens.  I don’t wanna wait around for it to get worse.  Let’s go, Sergeant.”

Jamie looked at him with a miserable expression mangling his perfect face.  His lower lip was almost comically pouty.

Ji-hyung shed a tear and worked his own lips wordlessly, tried to press the emotions down.  He swallowed a lump and spoke quietly.  The wind threatened to steal the words away completely.  “We got the murder clubs.  Let’s take that win and go.  Please.”

Jamie nodded and hugged him.  “I will.  I won’t cause trouble now.  For you.”

Ji-hyung kissed him.

A bergamot with court jester legs, bird feet for arms, and a lizard head mocked them.  “Oooh, kissy kissy.”

Infante flicked it away with a finger and it tumbled down a dark crevice into nothingness.  They both flinched and froze, unsure if that would bring down the troops.

A minute later, when it did not, they made their way down the mountain of debris.

***

Iphigenia entered the Cherry Hill Citadel with an escort of legionnaires.  She bid them to leave her alone and they did.  The stairs were worse on the way up than coming down - so many flights.  The afternoon light coming through the slot-like windows wasn’t strong enough to fully illuminate the path, but it was strong enough to make the interior lights too weak to see by either.  It was one of those times of day where seeing was situationally worse than in the middle of the night.  She turned on the flashlight in her shirt pocket and it barely helped.

At last, she came to the throne room.  It was still a shambles, covered in corpses, weapons, shell casings, and bird shit.  She swallowed emotion and walked quickly to the place beside the throne, where Jelly Sue had crumbled.  Her shards were sullied with gore from dead angels.  Would the dust be pure enough to bring her back?

Ippy looked at her hands.  She was clean enough now.  The skin at her knuckles was in serious need of lotion.  The dark brown on the back, the lighter color beneath, the thinness, the protruding tendons when she moved her fingers - all normal enough.  But they were the hands that had made Bymaan the Queen of The Septagram - had ensured Lucifer’s continued dominion over a part of the Earth.

She could think of a lot of people who wouldn’t approve of that.  Churchy relatives shook their heads at her from the sides of her mind.  They were easy, however, to brush away.  She took the pink paper out of a pocket.

The page was covered in archaic and arcane bullshit she would not normally understand, but the meaning magically passed from the page into her mind.  She needed to create elaborate symbols around the remains, chant to the demon kings, and focus her will on the task for as long as it would take.

She looked at the broken ceramic at her feet.  If she didn’t go through with the ritual, she’d never experience whatever spell the vampire had her under again.  She’d be free, be whoever she wanted to be.

No, that was not what she wanted at all.  Maybe a spell was part of it, the vampire spirit using the allure of a pretty doll to get at her angelic blood.  But what she felt was real.  Who knew what that pissed off cop was planning at this point?  Might as well make it worthwhile - and fulfill her heart’s true desire.

She found she could make the glowing lines of the symbols by running her hands over the brick tiles of the floor.  It was still hard work, on hands and knees, requiring a focus she used to need medicine to maintain.  She mumbled the words, the meaning in her will more important than the ones in her mouth.

The sun’s rays grew longer as they poured through the room, creeping higher as the sun went lower.  By the time she was done, there was no more daylight at the level of the bricks - just her magic symbols glowing softly in pink.  Her palms were raw, the knees of her pants worn through, her back and thighs cramping.  She avoided the sight of the remains, her focus on the task - on finding her vampire soul and bringing it back.

An angel looked in on her, then turned away, directing a few others to stay back as well.  She needed privacy.

At last, the symbols were complete.  She dragged herself to her feet against the side of an altar, staggered to the center of the circle - to the remains - and made the final invocations.  “To Zimimmar, King of the North, I beseech you.  To Egyn, King if the Northeast, I plead.  To Oriens, King of the East, I cry.  To Amaymaan, King of the South and Lord of Greed, I pray.  To Korsaan, Monarch of the South, I prostrate myself.  To Monarch Pruchlaas of the Southwest, hear me.  To King Gaap of the West, please.  To Queen Bymaan of the Northwest, the powers left to you in Hell, I need them with me.  Kings of the Corners, invest me with dominion over Life and Death, in this moment I pray.”

She felt her sense of her own body jar out of place, like a fever dementing proprioception, but not as severe.  It was a schism between body and soul.  When she moved her arms, the body took a few moments to catch up to her soul.

Iphigenia fell to her knees over the shards and raised her arms above them.  A white glow began there, and her hands moved into it, caught it like a twig passing through flame.  She pushed it down, not sure exactly what she was doing at this point in the ritual.

She knew she’d achieved some kind of altered state, but that it could be lost with a moment’s distraction.  That thought itself was a distraction that sent her flailing.  She waved her arms, trying to grab the magic before it flew away.  Too late.  She was just Ippy again.

She fell to her side and gave up.  Maybe it was hopeless, maybe the Queen could make it work by her own hand.  She squeezed her eyes shut.  Then she felt a disturbing pulsing sensation within her gunshot wound.  The unicorn hadn’t healed everything in her.

A trickle of blood rose there, raced over her skin when it broke the surface tension at the lip of the wound.  It was trapped by her shirt.  Realizing what it could mean, she pulled the shirt down to her elbows and brought the wound closer to the shattered remains.

Ippy bled more.  Where did she get all this blood from?  Was that her real super power?  She was getting light-headed and ill, so there must be a limit.  She let herself blow right past that, vomited a little, and slumped to the floor in paralysis.

Arms burst out of the plaster and gripped the floor.  Iphigenia couldn’t move to see.  The arms pulled themselves up, slow enough for a head and shoulders to assemble from the shards.  Rows of evenly spaces holes broke across the surface of the bald head and black strands squirmed free, snake like.

The blood soaked through the grains of the remaining shards turning them to red mud that sloshed in turmoil.  The color wasn’t far from the dark skin veneer over the hollow ceramic vampire.  She hoisted her hips out of the shards, kept on, as stiff and clumsy as befit a doll brought to life.

Jelly Sue escaped the grave.  She was facedown, and halfway down the steps of the shallow pool that had been evaporated in the battle where she was shattered, a mound of perfect glossy black ringlets burying her head.

They both lay there a while, recovering the power of motion.  Jelly pushed herself up to hands and knees, crawled to her owner.  “Ippy?”

Iphigenia rolled onto her back enough to look at her doll.  “Jelly.  I’m happy to see you.”

“I’m happy to see you, too.”  The doll laid down beside her owner and looked at her with big sparkling eyes, alert but with no trace of the heavy feelings that had brought her back from destruction.  No human soul.

Iphigenia felt good again, felt right.

***

The unicorn had been an issue.  The border guards tried to kill him and Jen and Sergio barely escaped death in a hail of bullets.  Mounties and American creeps, brothers in arms against the supernatural.  Amduscias did get away, to the land of maple syrup and moose.  After that, the only way to free Sergio was to act like riding a demonic creature into Canada was all her idea.

That was it.  Jen spent several months in a Canadian detention center, waiting for the countries to decide what to do with her.  While she waited, she tested her strength in the cell at night.  She wasn’t as powerful, but still much stronger than she had been before the Host came.  She surmised it was her proximity to Hell’s lands.  They had conquered from Olympia to Everett, with a few dozen miles of DMZ all around.

One day, she was finally and inexplicably freed.  They walked her to the gate without a word, cold, like a scene out of an Ed Norton movie.  Then she saw the reason and smiled for the first time in ages.  Rosemarie was there, wearing dark brown sunglasses and a business skirt, leaning on an expensive silver sedan.

She embraced her friend.  “Oh. My. GOD!  How did you do this?”

“Easy, baby.  Easy on me.”  She wheezed a bit beneath the power hug.

Jen smooched her on the cheek and let her go.  “OK, but you gotta tell me.  What the hell is going on?”

“I’m rich now.  You know how it is.  Rich people get what they want.”

Jen pummelled her with soft little jabs.  “C’mooon, what’re you hiding?”

“OK, I have the mark, right?  So after the dust settled, I had dual citizenship in the United States and The Septagram.  That gave me travel rights, where I could get a cool job.  A lot of money for nothing, ya know?”

Jen crinkled her nose.  “What the fuck is happening out here?”

“It’s a whole new world.  I don’t have enough clout to break your exile, but I was able to get some of your stuff out of your apartment, rented you a place in Portland.”

“The Rose City?  No way.”

“The Emerald City is gone, girl.  Portland has better concerts anyway.”

“This stinks.”  She looked around at the mossy, ugly border burg and its cracked concrete.

“Get in, loser.  It’s gonna be a long drive.”

“Alright.  Hey, did my unicorn ever turn up?”

“Oh my god, just stop.”

Rosemarie shoved her friend roughly down into the passenger seat - which would have been impossible if Jen didn’t let it happen.  Then she walked around and got behind the wheel.

“Seattle’s gone.  It’s The Septagram now.  How am I supposed to feel about that?,” Jen asked.

“Same as my Duwamish grandma.  Shit happens.”

Jen nodded grimly, then squeezed her hand.  “I didn’t think anybody would come for me.”

“Everybody loves you, stupid.”

She smiled and cried.  Rosemarie started the car.

***

Jamie looked at Ji-hyung from across the hotel room.  He was brooding again.  He was trying to come off as sexily stoic, but it was a poor act to conceal deep concern or sadness.  What a nuisance.

“You have got to tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Me, bothered?  I’ve got it all right now.”

“Bullshit, sir.  You’ve been having visions again.”

“Again?  No.  They never stopped.”

“Yeah, well, a new one is messing with your head.  You gotta get yourself squared away, dude.”  He wagged a judgmental finger.  It was at odds with the rest of his presentation - stark naked sitting in bed, muscular body and half-ready manhood way too erotic for such displays.

“Don’t trouble yourself, Jamie.  You always carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“Naw, that’s what they call projection, sir.”

Ji-hyung was wearing a suit shirt and tie, but no pants.  He took off his underwear as he sat on the bed.  “Is it?  When we got here, you were expecting to get a big debrief and then go straight back to war, right?  But nobody wanted a war except you.”

“That’s not true.  I had a couple of senators in my corner.”  They were in Washington DC - had been since their escape from Washington state.

“And how did that work out for you?”  He loosened his tie.

“You think you’re going to distract me?  This is about you.”

He whipped off the tie and pulled open his shirt.  “It’s about me, huh?  You know what that means.”

“Goddamn it.”

Ji-hyung’s gambit work.  He distracted the young guy with sex and love.  They did some dirty stuff, then eased down into passionate kissing and a close embrace.  They left a sheet between them so they wouldn’t get too sticky.

Jamie was half-asleep.  Ji-hyung admired his face and his body, sadly.  He knew what was coming.  In theory, he could stop it.  Make an excuse to rush Jamie out the door, convince him to go somewhere else.  But something in changing the future paralyzed him, filled him with dread - even if the future untouched was dreadful enough as it was to be.

The clock moved around its lazy arc and Ji-hyung breathed in Jamie’s aura, tried to savor every moment.  When the clock struck 3:21, he said, “You might wanna get dressed, Sergeant.  You have visitors.”

“Wh-what?”

“They’re going to knock on the door in two minutes, give you everything you want.”

“This is it.  This is what you’ve been worried about.”

“Get some pants on, Jamie.”  Ji-hyung pulled the sheet over himself and away from Jamie.

“Fuck.”  He got up and threw on a tank top and some khakis.  The door started making noise as he was just finishing the second pant leg.  “COMING.”

He answered the door without letting them in, or letting them have a view of the bed.  “Senator Chilvers.  I’m sorry, you caught me in a messy situation.”

“It’s alright, Sergeant Infante.  I know you know how to handle a mess.  Can you meet with us downstairs in ten minutes?”

“Yeah.  Yes sir.  See you soon.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Infante closed the door and came back.  “What is it, Ji-hyung?  What is everything I want?”

“Another run at The Septagram.  Revenge.  There’s still no political will to send Queen Bymaan back to Hell, but a secret faction has formed in the DoD that wants to run an op.  You’re in.”

“You saw all that in a vision?  Wasn’t just some pheasants and swords you’re misinterpreting?”

“I did.  It wasn’t.”  He pulled the sheet up under his nose and stared sadly at Jamie.

The beautiful guy flexed and sighed.  “What is it?  Am I going to die?”

“I don’t know.  But I know I’m never going to see you again.”

Jamie swallowed a lump.  Ji-hyung was right.

***

Clark and Thurston wore tuxes, like most nights in The Septagram.  Neither had accepted the mark and neither were completely comfortable about the overtly infernal nature of the realm, but it was the place to be - and as artists, that was where they had to ply their trade.  They were in the Denny Regrade Citadel, formerly ruled by Abalaam, hobnobbing with the elite.

The crude edges from its rise to earth had been smoothed and polished.  A painstakingly installed elevator had made the trip to the throne room tolerable.  Electric chandeliers gleamed on the gold leaf rococo accents, new to the room.  Angels and important humans laughed and drank wine.

The men found themselves alone for a moment.  Clark leaned over and kissed Thurston on the cheek.

Thurston raised eyebrows.  “Are we feeling ourselves tonight?”

“Every night.  But what about you?  Still afraid this is like selling your soul?”

He sighed.  “Well, it’s only a little more obvious than kissing rich asses to keep the theatre in donations.  And at least a nascent monarchy has an art budget that isn’t subject to the vagaries of real estate prices.”

“That’s a fact, my friend.  Want to dance?”

“Performing for free?”

“For fun.  Remember fun, Thurston?”

He rolled his pretty dark eyes.  “OK, let’s get this over with...”

He led Clark to the dance floor, knowing full well the old man would end up leading the dance itself.

Queen Bymaan relaxed on the Citadel’s throne.  It was a sculpture styled to look like a great chariot, horse sculptures suspended from the ceiling, like it was trying to fly away.  Pet giantess fetishists clung to her thighs like nerdy dogs and the ambassador from America eyeballed her breasts unsubtly.

“Your Majesty,” he said, “Do not take this to be the official position of the United States government, but I thank God every day that he cast you down where we can behold you.  You are radiant.”

“I’m still not letting you have the nukes back, Chuck.”

“I don’t flatter myself to believe you’d be moved by my flattery.  It’s genuine.”

She smiled.  Earth boys are easy.

Iphigenia was in deep black coattails and a gold lamé sash over slate grey silk clothing and tall shining black boots.  Her hair was cleaned and braided in front, blossoming into a shiny waterfall behind her.  She cracked the fingers of white-gloved hands and sat at the grand piano.  The band died down and dancers slowed, looking for guidance.

Jelly Sue was in a red satin ball gown that was far too long.  She lifted the skirt enough to walk up a step stool, and take a place seated atop the piano.  She looked to Ippy with a placid smile.

“Warm up?,” Ippy asked.  Jelly didn’t need it.  Her voice never cracked, but Ippy thought it was cute.  She raised a little brandy glass and pinged it with a cocktail fork.

Jelly responded, “Mimimimi-miiii...”

“That’s good, Jelly.”

They smiled sweetly at each other.  Then Ippy raised an eyebrow and started to play.  It was a slow, gentle jazz tune - an original, composed with help from a herald demon or two.  She played with some force to establish the rhythm, then lightened her touch on the keys as Jelly Sue started to sing.

Her voice was flawless, high, but strong.

“Some friends you find

 In a dusty mausoleum.

 Some friends you find

 So dirty you can’t see ’em

Who ever wants to be alone?

Make your friends of dolls or bones

When I need a knife to cut you free

That’s when you mean the most to me

I see you in the darkest hour

I see you and I grow in power

You are the blood in my glass

 Some friends you find

 In the tomb and filthy rubble.

 Some friends you find, and

 If you love them, bring a shovel.”

Clark was moved by the romantic melody, and hugged Thurston in the middle of their dance.  Thurston obliged him with a gentle kiss on the forehead, but never lost sight of the creature on the piano.  Her song chilled his blood.

***

The Homme family were comfortable inside a spacious living room with recessed lighting and puffy beige carpet.  Outside, a cold winter wind threatened snow that never seemed to arrive.

Jason relaxed with his feet up on the ottoman, his lovely wife Heather beside him.  Madison was at the far end of the couch in a ball, watching her boyfriend Braden and her brother Freddy playing on the Xbox.  Grown men acting like kids.  Typical.  At least they didn’t cuss at each other anymore.

The phone rang and Heather got up to catch it.  Jason looked down the long couch at Maddy.  “Your beau is duelling your brother to the death.  It’s very Shakespearean, Princess.”

“It’s Smash Brawl, Daddy, not rapiers in Verona.”

Freddy suddenly sat up, letting his character get tossed into a pit.  “It’s Mortal Kombat, Sis!  Are you freaking kidding me?”

Braden said, “That’s teamwork.  Thanks for the help, Hon.”

“No fair!  Ugh.”

Heather came back and sat on the table a little disturbed looking.

“What’s the matter, Mommy?”

“Oh?  Sorry, Baby.  Your Daddy isn’t going to like it.”

“What was it?  The IRS.”

“Your brother.”

He pointed a finger at her.  “That’s right.  I don’t like it.”

“He said he’s got a piece of waterfront on Mercer Island now, wants us to come for a visit.”

“Why the hell would we want to do that?  I’m sorry, Honey.”

“Daddy.”

Heather held both hands up to calm.  “He’s your brother, and you should at least consider it.”

“That ship has sailed, Honey.  Right out to the Puget Sound and smashed on some rocks.  He can be somebody else’s brother.  Some kinda… goat-faced sunuvabitch.”

The younger guys put down the controllers and turned to face the conversation.  Braden said, “Man, waterfront on Mercer Island?  How loaded is old Kevin now anyway?”

Freddy said, “We should go!  It sounds lit, dogg.”

“I’ll show you lit, if you talk that trash in my house, Son.”

“Naw, seriously.  The war is over.  We can go there and back, no problem.  Why are you so worried?”

Maddy said, “You weren’t there, Freddy!  Even if they aren’t fighting, it’s dangerous.  And it’s just wrong!  You don’t go and get the Mark of the Beast.”

Jason said, “She’s right.  And look what they’re doing with it.  People are making all this money.  They say in the Bible you get the mark so you can do commerce, right?  You might as well just sign your soul over in blood.”

Freddy said, “Psh.  I gueeess.”

He tugged his sleeves down a little farther.

      --The End

***

[ratthewrodent]

Ok, I love lifestyle bloggers but to be honest I can never really trust their reviews of things because there's just no way I can be that motivated, consistent, organized, or self-sacrificing. But oh lordy do I try.Here's some of the "zero waste"/ "buy it for life" / "Environmental" things and hacks I've tried and how they compare to the normal products I would have used. 5/5 is going to be exactly as good as a normal product.A disclaimer- I am a young, able bodied adult woman with no kids, no allergies, and non-sensitive skin. I'm also going to be referring to products very generically, because many I bought locally but have identical or similar items all over the market. Also there will be TMI for things like body care and butts and stuff so... yeah.Saftey Razor (5/5) - I genuinely don't know how disposable razors managed to so thoroughly usurp safety razors, it is a marvel of marketing. I bought a super cheap safety razor ($20ish) and a 5 pack of blades because I was nervous and yeah there was a bit of a learning curve but not more than normal shaving? I'd say the biggest difference is the fact that pressing harder doesn't change anything and if your shave isn't close enough you need to switch angles instead of just going over and over again. I am not a patient shower-er and I have not yet cut myself. I've used it to shave every area except the Brazilian wax area. No razor burn to be seen (but again I have non sensitive skin). I dispose of the blades first in any old plastic container or can I'm getting rid of anyway before the trash, but that process may be more difficult with children who have access to bathrooms.I could see how blade removal could be difficult for folks with shaky hands, and obviously self harm triggers from the blades are present.Shaving Cream Bar (4/5) - Not as satisfying as a foam, but equally as effective. Docked a tiny bit for being very slippery to handle, especially when on its last legs. Also tough to spread around bikini areas.Cardboard Tube "natural" deodorant (2/5) - I really wanted to like this one more because I loved the smell and the idea of it, but these suckers are fairly expensive and I also seem to like,,,, crush them???? I am not raging hulk of a person as far as I know but these suckers just have not managed to keep their whole shape and "push-up-ability" for me. Also I'm a real sweaty bastard and while it smelled nice it was not workday capable without a re-application. All in all it was just too much money for a semi-crushed nice smelling stick for me to buy again.Old tee-shirt cotton pads (4/5) - I was shocked, shocked I tell you, with how well this ended up working for me. I was completely unwilling to actually sew a hem around the squares I cut from a no longer wanted cotton shirt and so I felt crazy looking at these stupid little fraying bits of scrap cloth. But I put them in an old tissue box and they blended right in with my bathroom. Applying products to the squares and then my face is exactly as good feeling as a standard disposable wipe. I used a different small basket I already had for dirty ones so I could wash them in larger batches because my morning process does not leave room for me deal with them one at a time because my life is a mess sometimes.Washing them is... a process. At first I tried hand washing but then drying was not happening and my partner did not deserve the punishment of tiptoeing through a bathroom with like 50 cotton squares just around. Also cat hair got on everything. Eventually I ended up with the solution to use a mesh bag (like for bras) and added them to my laundry load that way so they dont get lost.Honestly I would try this one if only because you have nothing to lose. You're getting rid of the tee shirt anyway, rub your face with it first and see if you like it!Silicone period cup (4.5/5) - I really like mine and it takes a bit of practice, but I'd say it's well worth the learning curve. Once you know how to do it you can pop that sucker out, wash it and pop it back in in less than 3 minutes tops. Holds like 8 hours of blood no problemo.Old clothing "paper" towels (2/5)- I wish this worked for me as well as the bathroom squares did. But between the cats and my general messiness old clothes were just not absorbent enough to clean as well as my actual wash rags. I may just have shitty clothes though.They did work well for very specific instances like wiping up a spilled drink on a flat surface, but not enough for me to be willing to have a basket of old shirts just sitting in my house.Bamboo Travel Cutlery (0/5) - No shade if you like these but they were garbage to me. I bought them because I was tricked by green-washing and cool advertisements and I wish I had just packed a normal fork.Bar Shampoo/conditioner (2/5) - While these technically did a job, they did not work for me and my partner (and we share shampoo). He has thick curly locks and the shampoo and conditioner in a bar was just not able to permeate without some very meticulous showering and we are not meticulous people. Our showers are 10 minutes give or take, and we needed something more simple. I am also a clutz and would always drop them, losing whole dollars of shampoo at a time.Some crazy shampoo/conditioner that a local hippie delivers to me in a metal tin so I only needed one reusable pump (5/5) - Hell yeah! I can't really do a good recommendation on this one because obviously not everyone is as lucky as I am to have a zero waste shop in the same city as they are. But here is my plea - give your local hippie shop owners a chance, do some intensive googling for local businesses and you may be pleasantly surprised at what you find! (by the way, if you're in the Tacoma area A Drop In The Ocean makes my shampoo)Bidet (5/5+) - Honestly I tell people who arent zero waste to get a bidet. Just get one, they're so good. Mine was like $30 and it only shoots cold water and it's still the best thing that's ever happened to me. I still use toilet paper with mine but now it's like one square at a time for drying purposes.Cast Iron Pan (5/5) - Im in love with my cast iron. It just sits on my stove and I cook everything on it. That being said, I've never managed to get it truly seasoned to be non stick on its own, I add a lil oil to it for that. I also literally dont know what all these crazy care instructions on the internet are. My father used a cast iron for 40+ years and he cleans it with water, sometimes a little soap if it's uber gross and it's literally fine. I've seen him re season it once. Not a good pan for people who have muscular troubles with their hands though, these bad boys are pretty heavy.Also side bar: Advice about cast irons online is terrible it's all so pretentious and frightening to read if you don't have background knowledge but I swear, it's super simple. All those people using big words and crazy continuous care are just like, high on their own knowledge or something.You clean the cast ironyou rub that bad boy with some vegetable oil or criscoyou throw it upside down in the oven at 375 for an hour and let coolBAM all done. It is now seasoned forever. If for some reason you feel the seasoning getting thin somewhere (maybe because you're like me and accidentally left it in soapy water overnight because I'm a sinner) Just do step 1-3 again.A mason jar instead of a reusable cup (0/5) - I dropped my bag because I'm a moron and it fucking exploded because it's glass, maybe 5/5 if you're not a moron but I'm unwilling to attempt again.Keepcup TM (1/5) - Very cute but the lid stopped working after I kept putting boiling hot drinks in it. My friend's still works fine so maybe it's a fluke, but I didn't get another.A $2 reusable starbucks cup (4/5) - Because I broke every other cup I guess. I also beat the shit out of it with no visible damage so far, including microwave, freezing, dropping and dishwasher. They are pretty thin though so I use a knit cozy so I can hold it when hot. Also doesn't seal shut.Cutting open the bottle of my swiffer cleaner so I could refill it (5/5+) - Only thing that makes my swiffer worth it. The seal is a lie, there's threading under there. The instructions linked are a good way to do it, but I literally just hacked at the edge of mine with a knife until it came off. I refill using a cleaning concentrate and it works equally as well as the original cleaner. Throwing in that I got a reusable swiffer pad set of three as well and they work great too. Just throw them in with the laundry when they're dirty!Powder Toothpaste (1/5) - Again, power to you if you can use this. My teeth felt clean but I also wanted to barf while using it. I did use it all, which I am proud of, and I did gag every time, which I am not.And finally...A metal reusable straw (3/5) - It's fine I guess. I cant really take it places with me but it's nice for when I drink at home.I am so sorry this got so long. I don't know what happened. Quarantine is just so boring. Hopefully maybe other people can leave honest reviews of them trying to live normal lives with zero waste products too and add validity to this monstrosity or maybe just point out things I missed or something. via /r/ZeroWaste