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impalementation · 3 years

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spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 3

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

“Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

Prior to becoming a romantic interest, Spike is everything I discussed in the last section. He is an id and a mirror for Buffy, he’s prone to both romantic exaggeration and cutting realism, and his liminality suggests ambiguity. But outside of “Lovers Walk”, the writing doesn’t actually delve too deeply into Spike’s nature as a romantic. If you stopped the canon at “Restless”, you’d probably think that Spike’s love for Drusilla was intriguing, but that the show hadn’t really gone anywhere with the implications of it, and for all you knew, that might not be an important part of his character anymore. So one of the most interesting things about season five to me, is that in this season in which the writers first consciously, deliberately decide to explore the sexual and romantic tension between Spike and Buffy, they also emphasize Spike’s romanticism more than ever. The choice to define Spike by his romanticism is a choice that follows naturally from everything established about his character, but it was also not an inevitable choice. Therefore, it’s a choice worth looking at in some detail.

Consider everything that “Fool For Love” establishes about Spike, especially the things that contradict what was supposedly canon at the time. It makes Drusilla his sire instead of Angel, meaning that he is sired by a romantic connection, and as a direct result of heartbreak. It makes him a poet living in the middle of the Victorian era, an age at odds with his previous ages of “barely 200” and “126”. Meaning that the writing specifically decides to ignore its canon in order to associate him with an era in which passions would have been repressed (rather than the Romantic era of the early 1800’s or the modern energy of the early 1900’s). Moreover, the episode reveals his entire aesthetic and personality to essentially be a construct. But most tellingly of all, it reveals him to be an idealist. Spike is not just a performance artist; he yearns for the “effulgent”, for something “glowing and glistening” that the “vulgarians” of the world don’t understand. In other words, he yearns for something bigger and more beautiful than life: something romantic. Later, he chases after “death, glory, and sod all else.” Spike may be a “fool for love”, who has a romantic view of romantic love specifically, but the episode is very clear about the fact that he is also a romantic more generally. When Drusilla turns him, she doesn’t tempt him by telling him she’ll love him forever. She tempts him by offering him “something…effulgent”. (Which, in typical Spike form, the episode immediately undercuts by having him say “ow” instead of swooning romantically). The fact that “Fool For Love”, Spike’s major backstory episode, is so determined to paint him as a romantic--and in particular, a disappointed, frustrated romantic--that it is willing to contradict canon to do so, tells you that this choice was important for framing Spike and his new, ongoing thematic role.

I’ve talked in the past about how season five is all about the tension between the mythical and the mortal--between big, grand, sweeping narratives, and the reality of being human. Buffy is the Slayer, but she’s also just a girl who loses her mother. Dawn is the key, but she’s also just a confused and hormonal fourteen-year-old. Willow is a powerful witch, but she also just wants her girlfriend to be okay. Glory is a god, but she’s also a human man named Ben, and finds herself increasingly weakened by his emotions. And Spike embodies this tension perfectly. He’s a soulless vampire with a lifetime of bloodshed behind him, but he’s also this silly, human man who wants to love and be loved. He wants big, grand things, but every time they are frustrated by a Victorian society, a rejection, a chip, a pratfall, or dying with an “ow”. Furthermore, his season five storyline is all about the tension between loving in an exalted, yet often selfish way, versus loving in a “real” or selfless way.

There was a fascinating piece a ways back that discussed how Spike’s attempts to woo Buffy in season five almost perfectly match the romantic narratives of Courtly Love. In the words of the author:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The Knight/Lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings -- inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails -- ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown.

You can see for yourself how well that description fits Spike’s arc. He fixates on the torturous, abject nature of his love, and has it in his head that he can perform deeds and demonstrate virtue, and this will prove to Buffy that he is worthy of her. But despite Spike’s gradual ennobling over the course of the season, I think it would be a mistake to see the season as using the Courtly Love narrative uncritically, or even just ironically. The same way it would be a mistake to see season two as using the Gothic uncritically. Spike is as much Don Quixote as he is Lancelot. He is a character that deliberately tries to act out romantic tropes, giving the writing an opportunity to satirize those tropes, including the tropes of chivalric romance. In particular, the writing criticizes Spike’s (very chivalric) fixation on love as a personal agony, something that is more about pain--and specifically, his pain--than building a real relationship. Over and over in season five, he is forced to abandon these sorts of flattering romantic mindsets in favor of a more complicated reality.

So at first, Spike’s “deeds” tend to be shallow and vaguely transactional. He tries to help Buffy in “Checkpoint” even though she doesn’t want it (and insults her when she doesn’t appreciate it), he asks “what the hell does it take?” when Buffy is unimpressed by him not feeding on “bleeding disaster victims” in “Triangle”, he rants bitterly at a mannequin when Buffy fails to be grateful to him for taking her to Riley in “Into the Woods”, and he is angry and confused when Buffy is unmoved by his offer to stake Drusilla in “Crush”. While these attempts to symbolically reject his evilness are startling for a soulless vampire, and although Spike certainly feels like he is fundamentally altering himself for Buffy’s sake, none of it is based on understanding or supporting Buffy in a way that she would actually find substantial. Moreover, he lashes out when his gestures fail to win her attention or affection. He has an idea in his head of how their romantic scenes should play out, and reacts petulantly when reality fails to live up to it.

But these incidents of self-interested narrativizing are also continuously contrasted with scenes in which Spike reacts with real generosity, or is surprised when he realizes he’s touched something emotionally genuine. When Buffy seeks him out in “Checkpoint”, his mannerisms instantly change when he realizes she actually needs real help (“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them”), rather than the performed help he offered at the beginning of the episode. At the end of “Fool For Love” he’s struck dumb by Buffy’s grief, and his antagonistic posturing all evening melts away. He abandons his romantic vision of their erotic, life-and-death rivalry in favor of real, awkward emotional intimacy. In “Forever” he tries to anonymously leave flowers for Joyce, and reacts angrily when he’s denied—but this time not because he wanted something from Buffy. Simply because he wanted to do something meaningful.

This contradictory behavior comes to a head in “Intervention”, the episode in which Spike finally begins to understand the difference between real and transactional generosity. Up until that point, Spike has been reacting both selfishly and unselfishly, but he hasn’t been able to truly distinguish between them, which is why he keeps repeating the same mistakes. Although he touches something real at the end of “Fool For Love”, for instance, he goes on to rifle through Buffy’s intimates in the very next episode. And so “Intervention” has Spike go to extremes of fakeness and reality. He gives up on having the real Buffy, and seeks out an artificial substitute that lets him live out his cheesiest romance novel scripts. It’s important that the Buffybot isn’t just a sexbot, even if he does have sex with her. She’s a bot he plays out romantic scenarios with the way he played them with Harmony in “Crush”, allowing him to almost literally live within a fiction. But then he “gives up” on having Buffy in a way that’s actually real, by offering up his life. He lets himself be tortured, and potentially killed, for no other reason than that to do otherwise would cause Buffy pain. The focus is on her pain, not his. For the first time, he acts like the Knight he’s been trying to be all along. He performs a grand, heroic deed that causes the object of his affection to see him in a different light, and even grant him a kiss. Yet ironically, as part of learning the difference between real and fake, he ceases to press for Buffy’s reciprocation. Through the end of season five, Spike continues to act the selfless Knight, assisting Buffy in her heroism without asking for anything in return. Which culminates in his declaration that he knows Buffy “will never love him”, even after he’s promised her the deed of protecting Dawn, and even though she allows a kind of intimacy by letting him back in her house. He proves that he sees those gestures for what they are, rather than in a transactional light. The irony of the way Spike fulfills the narrative of chivalric romance, is that his ennobling involves letting aspects of that narrative go.

In a Courtly Love narrative, the object of the Knight’s affection is fundamentally pedestalized. The Knight himself might be flawed, but the woman he pines after is not. She is “divinely beautiful” and “unobtainable”, something above him and almost more than human. This is why it’s so comic that in Don Quixote, which was a direct satire of chivalric romance, Alonso Quixano’s “lady love” is a vulgar peasant farmgirl who has no idea who he is. (Think of the way Spike asks if Buffy is tough in “School Hard” or threatens to “take her apart” despite “how brilliant she is” in “The Initiative”, followed by scenes where Buffy is acting like the teenage girl she is. Or how Giles in “Checkpoint” says that Buffy has “acquired a remarkable focus” before cutting to Buffy yawning.). Although it’s true that Buffy is beautiful, and supernatural, and profoundly moral, she is also very human, and the writing is very concerned with that humanity. Season five in particular, as I’ve mentioned, is preoccupied with the duality of Buffy’s mythic and mortal nature. Thus it becomes significant that Buffy is assigned such a heightened role in Spike’s chivalric narrative. Just Spike is at once Lancelot and Don Quixote, Buffy is at once Achilles, Dulcinea, and a coming-of-age protagonist.

And part of the “lesson” of Spike’s arc is for him to see both sides of the roles they embody. One of my favorite things about the scene in Buffy’s house in “The Gift” is how adroitly it conveys the dualities of both Buffy and Spike with simple, but poetic imagery and language. Buffy stands above Spike on her steps, conveying her elevated role, and Spike honors the way her heroic status has inspired him by physically looking up to her as he explains that he expects nothing from her. But by expecting nothing from her, and promising to protect her sister, he also honors the fact that she is a real person with no obligation to him, and a younger sister she cares about more than anything. He also honors his own duality by at once making Knightly promises, and acknowledging that he sees through his former delusions: “I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man.” In “Fool For Love” he tried to acknowledge the same duality of realism and romance, by declaring to Cecily that “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.” But at the time, he was an innocent, whose desire to be seen, and whose romantic avoidance of “dark, ugly things”, left him unprepared to understand how Cecily really saw him (similar to Spike’s insistence in “Crush” that what he and Buffy have “isn’t pretty, but it’s real” just before Buffy locks him out). Spike is a character defined simultaneously by continuous disillusionment and dogged aspiration, which is why he makes perfect sense as a character to embody a season torn between the pain of being human, and the wonder of the gift of love.

Fittingly, the season ends with Spike’s most devastating loss of innocence of all. He fails to be the hero for Buffy or Dawn (note that Knightly language he uses on the tower: “I made a promise to a lady”), and he loses the woman he loves. He may have become more virtuous, but unlike in a chivalric romance, that virtue wins him neither Buffy, nor something flattering like “world reknown.” The climax of the “The Gift” is full of romance—a god, a troll hammer, a damsel on a tower, a heroic self-sacrifice, a vampire transformed into a Knight—but the end result is that Buffy is dead, in part because he wasn’t good enough, and all that he and the Scoobies can do is grieve. Stories got Spike nothing, even when reality finally lived up to them. It is a swan song to the myths of childhood, and on the other side of Glory’s portal, Spike and the other characters will have to confront a world where those myths have been left behind.

part 4: “But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

#romanticism series #s5 #gen #buffy #spike #this section is deliberately focused on spike's arc #but not to worry #the next one focuses on buffy's side of things and the role of spike's arc in supporting buffy's in the last three seasons #they just needed their own sections to breathe #btvs

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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I am seized by a fatal need for courtroom ninja drama fic

But not serious courtroom drama. I'm talking Phoenix Wright style Nonsense.

(Some of this was provided by the folks over in @sloaners‘ server, but the bulk of it was me spitballing nonsense at people who actually know the games, which I do not. I do paraphrase a few times to make it more feasible as a tumblr post/fic concept, rather than a rapidfire text conversation.)

Or one of those like. Reality TV paternity test things? But specifically in my mind the people involved in the actual paternity are a married couple and someone that joined them to be their third, and Clan Elders are throwing a fit about how the baby might not be the heir by blood! while the actual parents are like "I could not care less, this is our child, all three of us, please stop getting involved."

HashiMitoMada would be a VERY good option for the paternity nonsense, mostly because I can see Madara screeching at his own elders about how he already said Izuna would be his heir and he's not changing his mind!

Tobirama is just begging the paternity test to work faster off-screen because he's the only person with the machines to make it happen.

(Hashirama is just. Moping in a corner.)

"I just had to INVENT a paternity test that works before the birth! I had to figure out how to test amniotic fluid! If you assholes make me do something this stupid on such short notice again, I will be digging some shallow graves!" "...for who?" "I haven't decided yet."

Anyway, jumping back to like a Phoenix Wright-style murder investigation.

The victim was Danzo. Even the prosecution isn't actually that interested in making sure someone gets arrested, but they're legally obligated to do at least try. A bunch of people all acting really suspicious about who killed him. There is at least one shitty fake mustache-on-glasses disguise to provide a paper-thin alibi.

WAIT The other thing this gives us is ninjas in three-piece-suits but half of them wear the suits wrong. I’m talking mismatched buttons. The wrong way of tying their tie. Sewn-on-cufflinks. This is Naruto, for instance.

Tobirama would wear it properly, except he's rushing about in a lab coat, screaming at everyone to get out of his way because he's The Entire Forensics Team.

(This is the part where I have to confess that I have only seen the live-action movie of Phoenix Wright, as I don't game, so I just have the live action and tumblr osmosis.)

At this point, of course, we gotta ask: Who is the most Belligerent Witness And who is the Helpful™️ Witness that's super enthusiastic but entirely useless

I can see, say, Mito being a solid witness that both defense and prosecution are really thankful for.

Modern gen you have like... Sasuke and Neji are both incredibly belligerent witnesses. Neji at least is polite about it but pulls the "only answers with the absolute minimum of information."

Lee and Gai would have the over enthusiasm but forget to say actual vital testimony until pressed, and Naruto would love to help but might not be entirely sure what the case even is.

Shikamaru falls asleep when the lawyers consult their partners. Prosecution A consults Prosecution B for thirty-seven seconds, then turns around and the witness is asleep at the stand.

Tobi (as in Obito with mask) is an incredibly frustrating witness. They have to declare a recess just so all the lawyers can recover their blood pressure. "Can we please get someone up on the stand with this guy as a handler? I'm--I'm going to explode."

Gaara: Helpful. Polite. Answers with detail. Answers the spirit of the question as well as the letter. Includes more detail. That's too much detail. Gaara please stop telling us about the sounds that bones make.

His testimony just drags on forever.

Ninken can and will take the stand! Pakkun even enjoys it! Some ninken require translators.

ABURAME TRANSLATING FOR A RANDOM GIANT CENTIPEDE THAT WITNESSED A MURDER IN THE FOREST OF DEATH

There are arguments about whether or not the testimony can count since nobody else can confirm the translation except Other Aburame so how do they know the Aburame aren't part of the coverup.

"Okay, so this Danzo guy had like fifty shell companies but I think I found the route that leads back to him?" "Nah, that one goes to a guy that died eighty years ago that's still collecting pensions: his family lied and said he was still alive for the money." "Fuck!"

Also I just. I love the idea of Sasuke and Madara being the exact opposite kind of belligerent witness.

Also, Orochimaru answers with pretty much the exact kind of wording as Gaara, but where Gaara is trying to be helpful and provide detail for the sake of the case, and failing to see that it's maybe not necessary, Orochimaru just wants to see people squirm. ...similar thing happens with Sakura and Kabuto. Similar phrasing, very different energy.

I keep picturing all of Team Taka as part of Forensics and Evidence Collecting ajshakshjd

Juugo, holding up a rabbit: I found a witness.

Karin joins forensics and Tobirama nearly weeps from joy until he finds her criminal record "Shit, that was supposed to get thrown out when I turned eighteen."

Tobirama: I asked for an assistant, not a criminal. Karin: I'm on parole. Tobirama: That makes things worse. Karin: I know how to use a [concerningly advanced machine that I, a business major, cannot name]. Tobirama: ...never mind, I'm keeping you.

Karin: I know how to DNA sequence AND use LA-ICP-MS Tobirama: [weeps with joy]

Suigetsu would be great at blood splatter analysis. ...I think I read somewhere that blood spatter analysis is actually over in 'fake science that's pushed by cops and media but actually doesn't work' BUT apparently it’s in the Ace Attorney games so we’re going to ignore reality a bit. We’ve already got dogs and rabbits and centipedes as witnesses, what’s a bit of blood spatter?

He's also probably really good at cause of death stuff? Like looking at corpse and figuring out how long it took the victim to die, which blow did it, whether any damage was inflicted post-mortem, etc.

Sasuke is usually too busy playing Belligerent Witness but sometimes goes to join Taka for... uh... reasons.

Juugo: [takes the stand] Lawyer: Hey, uh, why's that Uchiha guy with him? The witness-- Judge: No, no, we need Uchiha Sasuke on hand when questioning Expert Animal Handler Juugo. Lawyer: ...why? Judge: Property damage.

(Sasuke as a work partner with Juugo, also moonlighting as a witness/suspect in Danzo's murder.)

One time they need Juugo but can't find him even though court is already in session and he said he'd be here, turns out he was lured away by Kakashi's army of dogs. Kakashi didn't notice until he turned to ask Pakkun if he could help find the missing expert.

Juugo is a decent lab assistant, I think?

Anyway.

Tobirama taking on Team Taka as his forensics team while Orochimaru is... hm... traveling the country to promote his new autobiography, which is outselling the newest Icha Icha to Jiraiya's ire.

Sloane suggested “a case where it's all the Sannin as suspects in a murder. They would be THE WORST, say... the murder of Hanzo.”

To which I suggested “The Sannin are all suspects but the people on trial are the Ame trio, maybe?”

Which garnered the response of “It could be a surprise upset IN COURT that the trio should be on trial.”

We love a court upset.

Suigetsu finds out that the cause of death was actually an entirely natural heart attack, but while he was determining this, the rest of the team and the lawyers found like eight conspiracies by Zetsu, three by Danzo, four by Orochimaru, and an entire network of nonsense by Sasori.

INO IS THE PSYCHIC. I know her thing in canon is reading minds but pls. Ino is Maya. The Spirit Medium.

Is the judge: 1. Hiruzen 2. Hashirama 3. Hagoromo 4. Mifune 5. The Daimyou

(Old dude with authority, optionally easily distracted/questionably competent. I'd have gone for impressive facial hair but only Mifune and Hagoromo have more than like... Hiruzen's weird soul patch.)

It's not a soul patch but I don't know what facial hair is called and I can't just call it a goat beard

Response commentary was as follows: The Daimyou would unfortunately be closer to the personality of the ace attorney judge, more blindly agreeing with things that sound good :joy: Hiruzen could be fun if only for the competing facial hair for a beard, yes xD Hagoromo would possibly be most buckwild tho WELCOME TO MOON COURT

I managed to get this far with like... NO idea who the judges were except “IDK maybe Kakashi?” but consider:

...HashiMada rival lawyers

Dropping over to Izuna vs. Touka for when Hashirama and Madara inevitably become suspects of something or other themselves and have to be witnesses.

(Tobirama's too busy running blood tests, Anija, let Touka handle it, she's better at people anyway.)

...Hashirama is like. Marginally more put-together than Madara, right? So that... makes him Edgeworth... somehow... That feels wrong but Madara as Edgeworth feels even more wrong.

Madara is very into screaming OBJECTION

ALSO consider: Friction when a doctor from a nearby hospital gets called in to provide expert testimony on something because Karin is like "no hey I should be the one doing this" and then she sees how cute Sakura is.

But also at some point Kakashi vs. Gai for a nonsense case. Their personalities are both VERY FUN for this sort of thing.

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qvid-pro-qvo · 4 years

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a southern education

rafael barba x female!reader. a series of moments during cases leads barba to learn a common turn of phrase from you, a detective on the squad.

word count: 4559

rating: teen, for endless teasing and the kind of contempt only the south can offer (canon-typical mentions of rape and violence, but frankly a whole lot of fluff, too, as well as an additional warning for the author knowing nothing about how law work besides what law and order tells me).

It was like a different world, when you and Rollins got to chatting.

It was the way your accents got thicker, the way your laughter seemed to echo. There was always an inside joke, always a tease before you got paired off with Fin and Rollins inevitably found Sonny once again, words dripping with something sugary sweet as the two of you parted ways. The others didn’t get it, what you two would get so riled up about, but with you and her, it was like two peas in a pod.

It was just the South in the two of you. And yes, the capital ‘S’ was justified.

The South. Muggy nights and wretched summers and air thick with humidity and the mosquitoes that didn’t even give you a chance. Cicadas yelling as soon as the sun set and sitting out on porches drinking your beer or tooth-achingly sweet tea. Tipping hats and holding doors open and taking your sweet time. It made New York feel that much smaller, just two Southern girls trying to make it.

There were the shitty parts, too. There were the parts that make you and Rollins come to New York in the first place – the realization that women would never make it like men do, the suffocation of trying to fit into a box not made for you. So New York was far from home, but for good reason, and sometimes all of the South you need was hearing Rollins say y’all just as much as you.

Like now, for instance.

The newest case was a weird one, for sure, but at the center of it all was a young boy in the crossfire. Caught between his adoptive parents and the criminal enterprises his biological father was involved with. The squad was waiting for some food, and you, Barba, Carisi, and Amanda were all sitting around the wooden table, using the chairs to move from section of evidence to section of evidence.

“Poor guy just wanted a good home,” you said, looking at one of the pictures of him. It was a sweet photo, and you sighed before pushing the folder away from you. You moved to stand from the table. “Bless his heart.”

It came out of you without thinking, your voice somber, solemn. Rollins just nodded, because she got the gist, but Carisi just turned to look at you like you just grew devil’s horns.

“What does that mean?”

You looked up from the picture and met Carisi’s eyes. His brows were furrowed, and there seemed to be something tense in his shoulders.

“What do you mean?” you asked, looking amongst them. Barba was raising his brow, but his gaze was fixated on his notepad, his pen in his fingers as he scribbled something. “It’s just a saying.”

“Well, because Amanda says it to me sometimes,” Carisi said, and there was a twist to his lips, one you wanted to chuckle at. He looked so… solemn. “And usually she’s being sarcastic. I just don’t think what they did to this little boy is funny, that’s all.”

You glanced back at Amanda, and the two of you shared a look, smiling in that way you shared. She was hiding it behind her hand, and you turned back to the two men, ready to placate.

“Neither do I.” When I was saying that, I meant… that’s really sad, for him, and… y’know. Poor thing. Poor guy.” You lifted your hands, pointing to the picture. “I wasn’t being sarcastic, this kid is… he’s in a shitty situation. It’s kind of a catch-all. It’s about the intention behind it.”

“It’s a Southern thing,” Amanda finished, shrugging a bit. “It just means what you want it to mean.”

That seemed to soothe Carisi’s troubled soul enough, and you smiled at him before lifting completely from your chair, moving to get some more coffee. You asked the table if they wanted anything, and the only response was Barba lifting with you, and the two of you walked towards the coffee maker.

You didn’t mind the lawyer. Sure, the ADA wasn’t always your thing – after all, working with him could feel like you just ran a marathon – but Barba was good at his job and treated you all well.

Plus, if you happened to know your favorite combination of suit, tie, and pocket square that he wore, that was between you and God.

“I could’ve just gotten you something if you wanted, Barba,” you told him. “I know you like your coffee, even the bad stuff here.”

His smile was small, but it felt real enough, and you gave him a returning one, trying to ignore the thrill you got from the way he looked at you.

“You always add too much sugar,” he admitted, and you just rolled your eyes, smirking.

“And you always add too little, so. Maybe one day we’ll meet in the middle.” His little chuckle was cute, and you leaned against the little bar, glancing out the breakroom to where Carisi and Rollins were. “Today I won’t touch it, how ‘bout that?”

“I appreciate it.” He too glanced over to the other room, and you watched as Amanda seemed to explain something to Sonny, her hands circling a little as Sonny just shook his head at her. “So, blessing your heart? A common thing?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” you laughed, pouring a couple of cups and sliding one over to him to do as he wished. He just picked it up and sipped at it, the monster, but you added three sugars and stirred it plenty. “Trust me, sympathy isn’t always its message, but like I said. It can mean a little bit of everything.”

Barba just laughed again, shaking his head. “It seems innocuous enough. You’re telling me old women can weaponize blessing someone?”

That made your mouth twitch up, and you finished stirring your coffee with a flick of the plastic straw. With a little smile at him, you reached forward, turning him, getting close. You narrowed your eyes, pursing your lips a little. A once-over, eyes calculating, and he just stared, wide-eyed and brows creeping towards his hairline as you let out a little sound, putting all the condescension into it. And if your accent was a bit strong, well. You let it play.

“Oh, bless your heart. You just don’t understand. The South doesn’t pull punches.”

Your eyes didn’t break from his for a moment, and then you let out a little snort, shaking your head, moving past him. He seemed more than a little confused, and when you looked back he was just watching you, watching the way you walked toward the roundtable once more. You chuckled a little again, gesturing with your head towards Amanda and Carisi.

“Oh, Northerners. Come on, Mr. Barba. No more blessing hearts today. I have a feeling this’ll be continuing education.”

You stood in Liv’s office a few weeks later, the two interrogation rooms on either side of you. In one, the victim, the other, the perp. A classic he-said, she-said, and you found yourself lingering on the perp’s side, watching as Carisi and Fin interrogated him. Their voices came through a little staticky, but you caught every word, your mouth twisting into disgust as you watched him spin a tale of woe.

“I did not do it,” he cried out, and his entire being reeked privilege. It was so easy to watch him pull every card out of the book, and watch the two detectives stand by, unimpressed. If he thought his charm and his smile would woo them, he was sorely mistaken.

“Look, you wanna know the truth, kid?” Carisi said, leaning back in his seat as Fin leaned against the window. Almost as if he knew you were standing by, watching. “We don’t give a rat’s ass who your father is, we don’t give a damn about your GPA. All we care about is what happened that night. So tell us what really happened now, and we won’t have to drag you out of your classes with our lights going.”

You huffed out a laugh at Carisi’s statement, which earned you a fellow lurker. Barba, there next to you. He normally didn’t get the cases this early, but with something like this he liked to hear everything from the beginning.

“Anything of value from him?” he asked, and you shook your head, turning to face him, one eye still on the interrogation.

“Nah, he’s just spinning his wheels. He thinks Daddy’s money can get him out of this bind, like every other one. Hasn’t caught the memo that we’re not that easy.”

Barba smirked, shaking his head. He turned to you, and his gaze lingered on your face, making you straighten a bit as he glanced back to the glass. “We certainly aren’t, detective. You’ll let me know the details later?”

Your brow raised. “Yeah, I can come by, if this isn’t something you’re gonna pass off to Callier. Course, I can fill her in, too.” It’d become an unofficial part of your job description, relaying the updates of the investigations to the D.A.s office when needed, trading off with Carisi. Mainly because the two of you liked going to see the counselor the most, for… different reasons.

Barba’s nod was short, and then he started migrating to the other side, where Liv and Rollins were in talking with the girl.

Suddenly, the whiny voice of the perp caught your attention.

“You can’t do this! My father won’t stand for it, do you hear me?”

Your nose wrinkled, and your little scoff was sharp enough to make Barba turn back, stop in his tracks. “Oh, bless his heart. He just doesn’t get it, does he?”

There was a warm chuckle from the other side of the room that made it your turn to look over, and you watched as Rafael Barba ducked his head, a hand lifting to cover his mouth as he did his best to look innocent.

“What’s so funny, Barba?”

When he glanced your way, the hand on his mouth lifted in surrender, the other sliding into his pocket. “Nothing. I just… think this is part of that continuing education you were talking about, detective.”

Your previous conversation came back to you, all of a sudden, and you watched as he chuckled again and pushed towards the interview room to watch Amanda and Liv.

“Trust me, you haven’t heard the last of it, yet,” you told him, and when he glanced over his shoulder he was smirking.

“I hope not.”

It was your eyes on him now, and you found yourself grinning and ducking your head before it became full-on staring, a warm feeling on your cheeks as Carisi and Fin came back into Liv’s office. You found yourself chuckling to yourself for the rest of the day, thinking about the way he looked while he smiled, at the way he laughed.

You wouldn’t mind seeing that smile more often, you decided.

Wouldn’t mind one bit.

The SVU squad room didn’t always leave you with smiles, of course. It was a lot of heartbreak, a lot of pain that circulated through interrogation rooms and interview sessions. A lot of sorrow, sitting in courtrooms and watching strong, powerful victims testify against their assailants.

A lot of pain. But… friends were a bright spot.

And slowly, Barba was becoming that, too.

Your role as the inbetweener was essentially official. More often than not you were accompanying Liv to One Hogan Place, the two of you in his office and trying to talk him into something (and him usually trying to talk the two of you out). A lot of times, you went on your own, making it just you and him standing on either side of his desk, discussing what could and could not be done in the eyes of the law.

It was still work, at that point, too. Because you could give him the details without skipping the important facts, could give it to him straight without hemming and hawing. You could defend your fellow detectives without taking it personally, knowing when wrongs were wrong and when to push.

And if those conversations started stretching longer, and if you found yourself lingering in his offices more and more, well. Amanda had permission to tease you about it in private.

But only in private.

In public, she could only send sly looks, looks you stubbornly avoided by meeting others’ gazes or looking down at your laptop.

Like in that moment, when Barba’s gaze met yours in his office, and the little nod he offered seemed enough to make your heart pound. A glance at Amanda, with her laugh behind her hand and head shaking, told you all you needed to know about how gone you were.

“Detective?”

Your gaze shot back to Rafael. This time his gaze wasn’t one of equals, but one of concern, his head tilted almost a little. And in that moment, you realized that he was asking you a question, that he had been nodding at you to answer…

“Sorry, sorry,” you scrambled, blinking a few times, trying to ignore the way Amanda kicked you under the small round table. “What was the question?”

“You’re the one who visited Miss Stevens last,” he said, pushing from his desk to stand up tall, walk towards you and your friend. “What’s your take?”

The interaction with your witness came back to you, and you grimaced a little at the thought of her taking the stand.

“Bless her heart,” you said, on instinct, shaking your head as you thought about her answers to the simple questions you asked her.

“That bad, huh?” the blonde said with a wince, and you nodded, sighing.

“Unfortunately.”

“What?” Barba’s brow raised with his question, and you realized that while Amanda got the gist, you were leaving the counselor in the dust for once.

Well. How to explain… politely…

You bit your lower lip a moment before speaking. “Miss Stevens is very… kind,” you offered, shrugging, “but her attention span is not the… greatest. A little… naïve, is the word I’d use, I guess.”

After a moment, Barba looked to Amanda, who just smiled sweetly. “I think what Y/N is implying is that, after talking with her, she realized that… uh.”

Nothing from Barba, who just looked between the two of you.

“Is what?”

It wasn’t worth the games anymore, even though the confusion on Barba’s face was hilarious. You turned to nod at Amanda, before leaning back in your chair, sighing.

“She’s, frankly, as dumb as a doornail.” When Southern politeness didn’t work, the next step was brutal honesty. “Which shouldn’t matter, but you put her up there –”

“And any defense attorney worth their salt would have her saying whatever they wanted her to,” Amanda finished. You reached over to pat her hand in thanks, and she just grinned at you, the two of you turning to the lawyer simultaneously. He didn’t answer immediately, eyes flicking back and forth between the two of you.

“If you prep her really well,” you offered to him, “there’s a chance. But it has to be… really well.” You and your fellow detective stood, and as she moved to the door you just shrugged at the attorney.

“And you have doubt in my abilities to prep well?” Barba shot back, and you grinned at him. For the moment, Amanda was gone, just you and him and some verbal flirting to finish off the day.

You lingered in the doorway, and ignored the sound of Amanda’s foot tapping on the carpet. “I have doubt in her abilities to listen well.”

He just chuckled, shaking his head and letting out a breath. Whatever it took to finish a case. “All right. Well. I’ll figure it out. Thank you, for the extra lesson today. Three ways to use a phrase is… more than I was expecting.”

You chuckled, shaking your head at him, before an idea sprung to mind that made you pause before you turned out of the room.

“Want me to call her in tomorrow? Bring her down to the precinct?” When he seemed to hestitate, you pushed a little. “She might be more comfortable with me there, and she’s already been to the precinct in one of our interview rooms. Might be best to introduce you at someplace she’s… familiar?”

Maybe you were hallucinating, but Amanda might as well have been on Mars. Because the smile Barba gave? It had to be all for you.

The case ended up finishing strong. Or, almost finishing. The tail end of the case found the two of you jogging out of the courthouse into a rush of cool fall winds, your noses going numb at the feeling as the sun started to set over the skyline.

“She did well,” you praised, hunching your shoulders against the cold. “Should never have doubted you.”

“Couldn’t have done it without New York’s finest,” he admitted, and when you glanced at him the only way to describe it was… mirth.

“Damn straight, counselor.”

Your steps were in time. No other detectives, no other lawyers, just the two of you making your way down to the street and relishing in the feeling of a well-fought battle.

“All that’s left is the jury,” you hummed. “Waiting’s always the hardest part.”

“We could go grab a drink,” he offered with a little shrug. “Kill some of that time?”

It was sudden, out of the blue. A moment that you were sure you imagined. “What?” you asked, turning to face him. You expected him to be staring out to the street, or up at the sky, but he was just staring at you, smirk ever-present and adding some sweet seduction to the offer.

“A drink. You, and me.”

You tried to ignore that butterflies that suddenly took roost in your stomach, and the way your hand hastily went to your hair to make sure the wind wasn’t messing with it too much. “The case isn’t over yet, Barba. Are you sure you want to risk it?”

After a glance around the front steps, he stepped closer to you, smiling. He was wearing that bronze-colored wool coat, and you resisted the urge to reach a hand out, brush off imaginary lint. When he smiled, it was like his eyes lit up, the browns in the coat making the greens shine bright.

“Then after the case,” he amended. “Once it’s over. Nothing to risk.”

He was serious. He wanted a drink. With you. You had to blink a few times, ducking your gaze to laugh. Amanda would get a kick out of this. Would probably also say that she told you so. “Hope you didn’t just push our luck saying that out loud,” you teased, but his smile didn’t waver when you met his eyes once more.

“I mean it.”

It was that moment, you supposed. That moment when you looked at him and realized the counselor was looking at you the same way you knew you looked at him.

He was looking at you, and he was smiling, and you couldn’t get enough.

When you nodded, it was short, a little shy, your head ducking again as you pulled your own coat tighter around yourself, your hand tucking your scarf in to keep out the chill.

“Yeah, counselor,” you said. “I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Then, because you couldn’t help it, you reached forward anyway, let your hand brush something off of his shoulder, flattened out the collar and let your fingers catch on the material. Smiled, as you looked at him.

“It’s a date.”

You loved watching your boyfriend in his element. Because before almost anything else, Rafael Barba was a lawyer. And a damn good one.

The victims, plural, shared some vicious horror stories when they came into the squad room, some stories that they were brave enough to repeat on the stand. Rafael walked them through it, led them to places where they could share all of the details, and prepped them well for the defense’s return volley.

And considering that it was Buchanan, the victory was all the sweeter, especially since the perp was a scumbag who hadn’t wiped the smug look off of his face the whole trial.

Until today, of course. Rafael did his job, and you got the joy of catching his wink as he moved back to his seat, the perp’s words fumbling in his throat as Rafael trapped him in one lie after another. It was like music to your ears, and the sight of Buchanan putting his head in one had was visually just as sweet.

“It isn’t over yet,” Rafael told you, meeting you at the doors once the jurors filed away, but you just shook your head.

“Not like you to be humble,” you laughed. “Come on, handsome. You know it was a good day.”

You relished in the way his eyes scanned you, the sight of the smirk on his face, the relaxed set of his shoulders.

“Let’s not jinx it. Just. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

You just chuckled, offered a brush of your shoulders to tide the two of you over, and together you started moving out of the courtroom. Only to be stopped by Buchanan, of course, whose voice made your spine stiffen.

“Just a moment, counselor.”

The two of you turned in sync, Buchanan meeting up with you right outside before the hallway. As the three of you stepped out of court, the tension you always felt between the two lawyers seemed heightened. Buchanan’s usual relaxed attitude was gone, replaced by a furrowed brow hestitation as he stepped towards the representative of the people.

“Well, that was quick,” Rafael sighed, and you bit your lip to keep from laughing.

“I want to discuss your offer. Rape Three, on both counts.”

Rafael’s scoff was sharp.

“After what happened in that courtroom, I think we both know the deal has changed,” Barba shot back, raising a brow at the man in front of him. You couldn’t help the smirk on your face, glancing down to your shoes as Rafael talked to him. “Both counts of Rape Two, served consecutively, and I’ll consider only adding sexual misconduct for the Queens cases if he pleads guilty.”

“You call that a deal?” Buchanan scoffed, and your man just shrugged. “That’s barely a discount.”

Rafael didn’t back down, though, glancing towards the empty pews. “It’s better than two counts of Rape One, which we both know that jury is going to heavily consider. You had your chance for a better deal. It’s my final offer.”

The aghast look on Buchanan’s face was priceless. “Kicking me while I’m down,” Buchanan sneered, and you glanced up in time to see him direct his words at you. “Can you believe this guy? Punishing me for having an off day once in a while.”

It made your skin crawl. You hated the way he looked at you, and you found yourself lifting your chin to meet his gaze head-on.

“Well, bless your heart, Mr. Buchanan,” you told him, oozing fake saccharine from every pore. “Lord knows we all have bad days.” Your smile was tight, and he had the gall to return it.

“Look at that, Barba,” Buchanan said, nodding at you like your words actually meant something. “I think you should take a lesson from the detective here. No one likes a sore winner. Show a little courtesy, for me and my client.”

“My offer is final. Take it or leave it.”

Buchanan’s smile was tight, and he shook his head at the A.D.A. before turning away. “We’ll discuss it later today.”

“Is that a yes?” Barba called after him, and Buchanan visibly sighed, dropping his chin.

“I need to confer with my client,” he called back, and he turned a corner, vanishing in the maze that was the courthouse.

You shivered as he turned the corner, hating that you even thought about smiling at him.

“Suddenly decide to play nice with defense attorneys, cariño?” Rafael asked, his tone light as he watched all of your hatred finally show. You could tell he was teasing, that he knew the taste of your tone as well as any other.

“That, darlin’, was a good ol’ Southern fuck you,” you ground out, and Rafael’s hand lifted to rest on your back, turning you towards the elevator. You glanced toward him, as the two of you walked, and there was something like admiration on his face, a little smile that nowadays made you warm because you knew it was all for you.

“I don’t think anyone else gets you this riled up,” he teased lightly, and your eyes rolled even as your chin lifted. The doors opened, and the two of you were the only ones who got on. “And believe it or not, I could tell just what sentiment you were trying to get across.” When the elevator door closed his hands went to your shoulders, squeezing a little, fingers rubbing into the junction at your neck to work the muscle there.

“But I don’t think Buchanan did,” you laughed, the tension Buchanan always put in your shoulders leaking away as he continued to touch you, pulling you close for a kiss on your cheek before the doors slid open again.

“Eres una bendición,” he whispered to you, walking behind you as the two of you got off, and you turned to smile at him, raising a brow when he used a word you didn’t recognize. He just shook his head, threw a wink your way. “Meet me at my office?”

You chuckled a little, waving your hand, already missing the feeling of his fingers on your skin. “After work, of course.”

“Of course, counselor.”

(The sign of a good education was always that the student could put the lessons into practice. And Rafael was nothing but a good student. So in the end, it was meant to happen, and you were just lucky enough to witness it.

A night late night in his office, different paperwork wars being waged. An occasional tease from his desk thrown to your position on his couch, where you had set up shop.

Eventually though, the night wound down as it always did. The two of you sharing the couch, shoes off and feet tangled in the middle as he scribbled where he needed you, and your fingers typed away on your laptop.

The exhaustion was starting to get to you both though, and after your eyes crossed and blurred for the third time, you had to click save and close your laptop.

“I think I’m tapping out,” you groaned, leaning back against the arm of the couch. “Any longer and I’ll go blind from the blue light.”

“Not even midnight, cariño. Don’t tell me you’re giving up now,” Rafael teased, and you kicked his calf at the comment, eyes closing as you settled in, feeling the warmth of him on your legs.

“Unlike someone, I was sitting in a car to watch an apartment at dawn, so I think I have a good excuse.”

“Well, bless your heart,” he returned with a little verve, and your eyes shot open. Widened, as you sat up to stare.

It didn’t sound right in his mouth. His own New Yorker tone, his quick lawyer beat, it made it feel all jumbled up. Not enough oomph to really get the point across. But even as painfully wrong as it was, he said it, and that was what made your mouth stretch into a grin, made you scoot a little closer to him as he flipped through his own file, your laptop set (perhaps a little precariously) on the arm.

“What did you just say, counselor?”

It hit him the moment after you asked. Confusion washing over his features, and then realization, followed by something that looked a little like astonishment.

Maybe horror, but you didn’t hold that against him.

“Rafael,” you laughed. “I think your lessons in the South have ended, and I am the best teacher.”)

#rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #female!reader #amanda rollins #sonny carisi #law and order: svu #my fic #fluff #the south

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ohmygodtheywereparabatai · 3 years

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Finally watched Hello Future Me’s video floating around my recommended feed, and halfway through his excellent analysis struck a spooky thought! Here’s a theory for the girl in red.

Sane at the Time of the Finale:

Azula’s Downfall Was in Spiritual Revenge

The poetic justice of Zhao drowned by the moon spirit’s other half, Ozai’s power stripped by a full-fledged Avatar... part of what makes Azula’s defeat so unique is her crumbling sense of self, an introspective enemy instead of an outside one. Katara, whose confidence and network of support are pointed out as the mirror image of what Azula could have had, finally gains the upper hand and pins her down.

From birth, the princess endures an environment that perfects and hones her nature to the shattering point. Plenty of signs point to her devolution: the betrayal of Mai and Ty Lee, getting sidelined by her own father at the literal crowning moment, and her irreversible childhood at the center of the snowball effect. But how ‘bout I do anyway, and tie in the mechanisms of the spirit world with Azula’s last moments? The connection is far from obvious, but well and present. The role of another world in weakening such an iron-fisted character visible in the first GIF itself.

I. “Taking you down is the Avatar’s destiny.”

The spirit world is one fundamental half of the Avatar. Its guidance and power are endowed to a messiah-like figure, who masters the four bending disciplines in order to restore and keep balance. It’s constantly reinforced that the Firelord is meant to be brought down by him, that a century of bloodshed is repaid when the warlord’s life is taken, and the end of his corrupt regime is the beginning of a fuller, more peaceful era.

“Aang, you must defeat the Firelord before the comet arrives.” (Roku)

“Your destiny! This is incredible. You will be involved in a great battle, an awesome conflict between the forces of good and evil.” (Aunt Wu)

“I should have seen this war coming and prevented it... But I believe you are destined to redeem me and save the world.” (Roku)

“Because I know my own destiny. Taking you down is the Avatar’s destiny.” (Zuko)

“Everyone, even my own past lives, are expecting me to end someone’s life.” (Aang)

A seemingly inconsequential detail is that the Firelord at the time of the final battle is not Ozai - it’s his daughter. By then, the title of Phoenix King is exchanged for her coronation. The nail on the head isn’t nitpicking terminology, but that Aang already suffered defeat at Azula’s hands. She herself plays a masterful and instrumental role in the war, literally her father’s will embodied. She’s there to hunt the Avatar, lead the massive drill against Ba Sing Se’s walls, orchestrate a coup, oversee the takeoff of the airship fleet, suggest the annihilation of Ba Sing Se in the first place. It’s a long time before we see Ozai at the warfront in the flesh, and even then, the damage dealt by Azula in Book Two and Book Three resonates. Keeping all this in mind, jump to Aang’s death.

“I went down! I didn’t just get hurt, did I? I was gone! But you brought me back.” (Aang, to Katara)

At the end of Book One, when a spirit is killed and revived, balance is reduced to moonless havoc, and all hell descends on the guilty party. The Avatar-slayer would be far from an exception to this counterbalance. So what we witness in “Into the Inferno” - Azula, gruesomely unmade - may just be the most brutal act of vengeance onscreen, and as a direct consequence of this:

While Aang is not directly responsible, it’s safe to assume the spirit world often acts of its own volition. Notable spirits possess harsh views on modernization, and lash out at humanity for its flaws: Wan Shi Tong’s disappearance, the ocean spirit’s wrath, the aye-aye spirit in LoK antagonizing any human presence, the Mother of Faces admonishing vanity and disrespect.

In this vein, the Avatar spirit remains a powerful source of Aang’s strength, weaved into the very outcome of greater forces such as fate and salvation. In the crystal catacombs, Azula threw a wrench into a universal narrative - for an instant, the world really was lost.

And, truth is, we’ve already watched as an entity descended from the Avatar’s power - one who Azula identifies repeatedly as her lifelong plague - haunts her to the point of systemic delusion. Ursa herself, granddaughter of Roku.

II. “You’ve turned my own mind against me...”

Time to reconcile show canon with the comics!

There’s no one who ties more into the tragedy of Azula than her mother. Hello Future Me dredges “The Search” and “Smoke and Shadow” for panels where her condition is exacerbated by fear and animosity. She’s obsessed with the idea that Ursa was pitted against her from day one, and even claims her influence strangled the loyalties of her friends and forced Ozai to “break free of her control.” The possibility of the slightest truth to Azula’s more elaborate fears raises a host of alarming implications. Especially when acknowledging her character is as sharp as a tack - a dulled edge when madness factors in, to be sure, but not negligible.

Is it logical to develop the belief that Ursa was an agent of evil in the royal court? The death of Azulon and her subsequent disappearance... It wouldn’t take long for Azula - aware of Zuko’s fate at the time, and her mother’s resignation to prevent it - to connect the dots. Ursa’s blood relation to the same Avatar that rivaled Firelord Sozin is another thorn in the side of trust. Whether Azula was aware of it or not, the strife born in Zuko, the eternally entangled red and blue dragons, exist to her biology as well. This makes it difficult to ignore a spiritual side to her illness, which draws primarily from Ursa’s “ill” intent.

Azula is also seen embracing the idea that spirits risen solely to take revenge can derail lives, legitimacy, and loyalty. The comics give us a chance to absorb the hidden subtext at face value.

The Kemurikage were born when robbed mothers abducted the children of others as punishment. Fear of the spirits crumbled the warlord Toz’s support and ended his cause. The masquerading dissenters in “Smoke and Shadow” are able to undermine Firelord Zuko’s authority, create a divide between Mai’s family and her father, and sow widespread fear. Curfew, searches, and interrogations shape the beginnings of a “ruthless” rule, eerily evocative of Azula’s much more rapid descent...

So how do Azula’s visions of Ursa, conjured unconsciously or from a little something more, and her steep debt to the world and Avatar link together - forge the ideal weapon and circumstances for retribution?

^ Just like that.

This only covers Ursa’s side of the family, the redoubling of spiritual balance after Aang’s fall like the snap of a rubber band. Azula’s complete undoing has to do with the lashing out of both families.

III. The blue dragon

Now, what was it about that first GIF?

Azula’s health begins to spiral right as she’s slated to become Firelord. Her identity is unraveled and called into question - Ursa made manifest slips through the chinks in her armor, prying at insecurities. Her inner turmoil admittedly makes her a poor candidate for ascension, and at the pinnacle of Fire Nation victory, - the crucial, final stages of the Hundred Year War - past rulers would look down on Ozai’s decision to usher her onto a seat of absolute power. Sozin’s Comet itself is an event that imbues firebenders with enhanced abilities, and it’s been theorized before that the “acting up” of royalty during the finale could be explained as such. The phenomenon may have also caused the reemergence of imperial spirits... and it isn’t too far of a fetch. More on that shortly.

It’s made clear that Azula’s destiny is far from holding royal court. The comics throw around that word, “destiny” a lot, but it’s a given signpost for any projected arc in the world of Avatar. And it ties in nicely with the will and workings of spirits.

Roping predestination with the probable dissatisfaction of the lineage, we finally have a whole picture. The combined force of an upended natural order, demanding the Avatar-slayer’s penance, and a royal bloodline destabilizing her reign in its infancy... planting mistrust and paranoia, and causing rash decisions. From a cherry pit to five minutes’ tardiness, Azula’s clarity and self-assurance are hacked away.

This is inviting the subversion that it wasn’t all in her head. That the Azula who readily accepts the Phoenix King’s declaration is rattled and isolated at best, but far from the composure that took just one afternoon to shatter. Zhao and Ozai face justice at the hands of the spiritual. The third main villain of ATLA might not have escaped due consequence either.

Finally, this scene. Azula, ensconced in blue flames. Is there any suggestion of the presence of spirits?

Azula’s fire is blue for purposes of flaunting her skill and sheer drive for perfection. The hottest temperature is blue in color, exactly her achievement. The technique isn’t bothered with because it saps extra effort, and so Azula’s signature symbol of power is hers alone. Fitting. But the fact remains: after leaving her hands, the fire quickly cools to orange. See below:

This color change isn’t seen in Azula’s throne room. The fire surrounding her is definitely detached from her body.

Now, it’s obvious why the animators didn’t suddenly decide to give the iconic blue a rest... but it’s incredibly intriguing from the imperial spirits angle. If Azula herself wasn’t keeping up the blue flame, then at the time of “Into the Inferno”, we’re staring into the faces of invisible devils on her shoulder, supplying the driving energy from the beyond. Onis whispering unseen evils down her ear that cause her, inevitably, to snap - the voices of Sozin and Azulon, a hundred sprawling generations. The cherry on the top is Ursa, descendant of the liaison between mortal and spirit that Azula personally killed, who torments her long after she’s relieved of the crown.

“Trust is for fools. Fear is the only reliable way.”

Hello Future Me describes Azula’s personality as a Machiavellian type, named after the guy who coined “It’s better to be feared than loved.” Watching her escalation unfold, it’s sad to wonder how someone as fearsome as her responds to being the recipient of that fear - when her own weapon turned on its hilt cuts too deep.

IV. End!

I think the scene above - the girl who opens with this directly after the demise of an admiral who engaged the incarnate of the tides (and swiftly lost), is a bit telling of her fate.

*To clarify, my framing of Ursa’s appearance as spookier than just a figment of Azula’s imagination - *cough* possibly the personified revenge of the Avatar spirit - is NOT meant to demonize Ursa herself! It just offers up an alternative explanation to what Azula hears and sees. Their bond is a poignant standalone, and I don’t mean to hate on the real Ursa/Noriko. Neither does any part of this discredit the impact of Azula’s childhood and history of neglect on her future.

That is all. Thank you for entertaining my theory!

#atla #avatar the last airbender #azula #atla theory #it’s 3 am no regrets

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miraculouscontent · 4 years

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Ask Explosion #6

Asks answering previous posts:

Oh, okay! I’m glad, thank you!

(the post this anon is referring to)

Ohhhh.

And fjbgjnfkjgfg thanks >////<

I don’t think there’s much wrong with liking the design itself; I prefer Riposte personally, but that’s just me.

The best way I could put the “insensitive” part (I’m sort of dumb when it comes to this stuff and I talked about it before when I was working on that 3D model of Marinette) is that it’s so heavy on Japanese. I mean, they already have Kagami constantly wear what looks like a school uniform and Tomoe is just like--super heavy Japanese. It’s like the show doesn’t know how to balance “can’t tell at all” (with Marinette) and then “okay this is WAY strong” (with Kagami+Tomoe+Kung Food).

That makes sense! I guess the only problem then would be that the kwami can’t really act as mentors of any kind because “you’re saying this just because that’s all you can say” (like Sass, hypothetically, always willing to give someone a second chance, no matter what; I know that’s not what his power specifically entails but it’s just an example).

I would however definitely lean towards kwami being very strict in one alignment, so Tikki would always be on the path of pure good and thus never want to take/steal/whatever, whereas Plagg is always on the path of “bad,” but there are times where Marinette will have to ignore Tikki while Adrien will have to listen to Plagg.

And yeah, the guardians existing and the kwami not having so much control... not a huge fan.

Someone asked about Chat Noir’s flirting and he claimed that it was “on purpose” (you know, while throwing episodes like “Felix” at us but okay) and then he followed up with this:

There was also this other comment he made a while back when someone tried to make a suggestion to him:

Except he’s missing the point completely. When he talks about constructive criticism, he acts like it doesn’t matter, especially not anymore now that they’re working on Seasons 4 and 5:

(I mean, personally, I don’t think I need “engineering knowledge” to know when a rollercoaster I’d ridden nearly tossed the cart off the tracks and had questionable design decisions, but you do you, Astruc.)

Yes, constructive criticism is mainly for seeing a product improve, but that doesn’t mean ignoring it because, “well you haven’t seen the full product.”

“Animaestro” even has a bit of commentary on it:

Ladybug: What's with that trailer too? I am not scared of cats, at all.

Animaestro: You haven't even seen the movie and you're already slamming it?

Chat Noir: He does have a point, you know.

Ladybug: I wasn't slamming it. It's called constructive criticism!

(firstly, of course Chat Noir bows to Astruc on that one because he’s Astruc’s sunshine boy, ugh)

Ignoring the fact that a movie/printed book is usually a “full product,” criticism is also to say “you did this thing wrong, don’t do this in the future.” It doesn’t have to be referring strictly to the show. It’s just, “you did this thing wrong and here’s why, try to catch yourself if you accidentally do it again in the future, whether in what you’re working on now or otherwise.”

(He’s also talked about “unsolicited critique” before and I don’t know what that means? Like, dude, this isn’t someone’s fanfiction where I’d actually agree that you can’t go after them for their work. This is professional work.)

Anyway, remember “Chameleon”? When everyone saw the trailer and absolutely flipped out over it, then there were people who were like, “Wait for the full episode!!”?

Guess what? The full episode came out and people were either just as mad or even madder than before.

Astruc wants to have his cake and eat it to. He wants to say that his episodes are “stand-alone,” and that the order isn’t that important, but when people start pointing out issues, it becomes, “No! You have to wait for the rest of the episodes to come out!” and when people do that, it’s gonna be like, “Well, we already did the whole show so it’s not like I can change anything. *shrug*”

Also, just blaming it on “the industry” when everything else has been exhausted:

(He’s literally brought up before that the New York special was meant to have subplots about other characters, so it’s not like he can never say anything when something didn’t fit the “original vision”; I’m not asking him to get on his knees and say he’s sorry - plus, I do recognize that a lot of influence comes from the industry and people like Jeremy - but I expect a little more than the “whoops” he gave when people pointed out that “Weredad” contradicted his statement on Miraculous Ladybug.)

I think the reason people see it the way they do is because of Fu’s line in “Robostus” seems to imply the exact opposite thing happening.

Master Fu: Universe must always stay in balance. For every action, there is a reaction. For every wish, a price to pay in return. Had your robotic friend asked to become a real boy, someone would have lost his humanity in return.

New Asks:

Marigami is acceptable. I’m not crazy about it but it’s likable enough.

Lukadrien though... no, absolutely not. On a conceptual level, because it’s such a slap in the face for Marinette, and on a fanon level, because most of the jokes around it is Luka going to Marinette like he’s about to ask her out and then just asks for Adrien’s details. It’s just... ugh. I hate it (throwing Marinette into the ship still doesn’t help for me though because I’m not into the love square).

Bi erasure is my least favorite thing.

And yeah, it’s like--they set the love square ship(s?) out onto the water, then the Lukanette ship later with the plan to either sink it or just kinda... return it to the harbor if they don’t make a huge fuss about it?

Meanwhile, the love square ship has been in piece this whole time, and instead of letting it sink, they put it on a raft to keep it floating.

Depends.

In LadyBugOut? It’s already written and I haven’t posted it.

For canon? Like, Marinette being super disappointed at her view of Adrien being shattered or? :P

That’s accurate. I dislike about a fourth-ish of Season 1,then about half-ish of Season 2, then like... almost all of Season 3.

So we’ll just have to see what happens in Season 4.

I like Adrimi, but I’m not crazy about it and I don’t really write for it unless Lukanette is already the main ship (making Adrimi just a background ship). Adrien tends to dismiss Kagami a lot (like in “Frozer” and then “Miracle Queen” with him not committing) and I don’t want to see Kagami hurting like that (I agree with the anon completely that Adrien is more at fault than she is). They’re both emotionally-stunted so I usually have them wait it out or something to have them get together.

My ideal endgame is Lukanette while Adrimi is more like “let’s wait, let’s work on ourselves (especially Adrien; Kagami at least has on firm crush and wants to commit to it), and we’ll see where we go down the line.”

I don’t know if they really have the guts to arrest Gabriel. I also think that Lila might pick up the butterfly at the end of Season 5 or something after she’s been “dealt with.”

Chloe also is the mayor’s daughter so even if the law was that strict on teens, nothing would happen to her unless Andre got replaced.

Big yikes.

Maybe that the thing forcing Marinette away from Adrien and causing things to go wrong is the part of the curse trying to prevent the ladybug and cat miraculous from coming together?

So, close enough to be attracted and want to work together, but forcing the ladybug away from the cat to prevent the miraculouses from being used to make a wish?

I CHOKED ON MY DRINK.

ugh

ugggggggh

I’m 100% sure that Marinette wouldn’t be as uncomfortable around Adrien if Alya hadn’t constantly intervened. She’s the enabler of both Marinette’s anxiety and her crush on Adrien.

I went back and looked at the scene and it does kinda look like it, yes, because it basically goes from the intersection Marinette is in to another intersection that looks very, extremely similar and I don’t see Marinette in that intersection.

It was just a really, really bad transition. I remember being thrown off for a second too so I don’t blame you, anon.

I think Bob Roth’s intent was to scare Marinette away from showing that proof? He probably knows very well that Marinette has all the evidence she needs to make a case and already had a story planned for the press about how “the young talents they found didn’t measure up and the people deserved better.”

He just needed enough pressure on them for them to believe that he had enough authority to silence them.

And then Silencer tried to silence him instead. :3

I don’t think Marinette’s relationship with her parents would change too much. Like, they already let her just go out whenever she wants which obviously Plagg approves off, although Marinette might become more numb to the idea of being grounded because Plagg just teaches her, “hey lol Ladybug isn’t grounded tho,” so Marinette sneaks out all the time.

Yeah, Tikki would probably justify Gabriel’s behavior, and she wouldn’t really be able to get on his case for flirting as Mister Bug because she’s not aware of it.

lol it helps no one to have Tikki I guess.

Adrien overall and then honorable mention to Alya for Winny’s comment about her being Marinette’s conscience (which is probably why they almost never nail Alya for stuff she does).

KHNJFDNGFD THE LUKANETTE QUEEN MONIKER RETURNS >///<

And ugh, the absolute level of bias in that. Even if the video was made in, like, Season 2 (don’t know, didn’t see it), Season 2 still gives examples of why Adrienette isn’t making Marinette happy at all (and has some of the love square failings too).

The name and the fact that they gave it that name tells me everything I need to know.

Goodness gracious.

Yeah, people can talk about character’s flaws. I mean, we talk a lot here about Marinette’s struggles in getting over Adrien (partly brought on by a lot of outside factors but still).

Also, sure, Luka is a “pushover” because he’s one of the few characters who understands Marinette’s tunnel vision and isn’t bothered by it, okay. :P (Interesting that the topic of Chat’s entitlement towards Ladybug but Luka respecting her choices and just enjoying being around her makes him her punching bag).

Every time I hear, “Adrien needs more spotlight!!!” I lose a part of my soul. How people can’t see that Marinette is the show’s true punching bag is beyond me.

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

Text

THE KNIGHT BUS

A/N: Wow, I hardly had any author's notes in the last two, and so far I've had really stinking long one's in every chapter of this. I love it! I'm enjoying commenting back as much as you guys seem to be reading, so here we go Guest: (sucks in deep breath even though I'm typing.)

I'm glad you like the way I do Lily. I always pictured her more fun-loving than a lot of people seem to, she married James Potter for crying out loud, she has to have some sense of humour, but she's also fiercely overreacting in protecting people. Lots of you have noted that she does seem a little too forgiving of Snape in this series, and I promise that will start wearing off real soon in this book. She was big on it in the first book, mostly due to her instinct and flashbacks of how they treated him through their school years. He didn't have much to do in the second book, so there wasn't much time to show that she really was getting sick of how he treats Harry. Mostly when she berates the Marauders, it's more of a trying to rein them in type thing, rather than outright disapproving of them.

They don't know that the person who broke out was from Azkaban. It appeared on the Muggle news, and so their first instinct really was to think it was just a muggle who shared the name.

Sirius doesn't keep track of his family; I think he states in the fifth book that he didn't even find out Regulus died until he got out of Azkaban. I certainly don't see him keeping up with him to know now. If you want other candidates, Bellatrix before she got married (and who doesn't go to prison until after the downfall of Voldemort), maybe his Dad since we know so little about him, etc. but again they were mostly joking and fixing a random name to someone they knew.

I am just as bad at math as JK, so my idiocy for not double checking dates was my fault. I will go back and fix it saying that this takes place during '80 the year Harry was actually born. The part about the Fidelius charm only lasting a week, is something I genuinely forgot but did go back and check and Fudge himself saying that the charm barely lasted a week, thank you for pointing that out, but it doesn't change my timeline of events that they go into hiding just before Harry's first birthday, but I suppose they didn't actually use the Fidelius Charm itself until the week before Halloween, why it wasn't used at once and that subsequent thing won't be touched in this particular story, or any of these books, because I've no idea honestly and the character's wouldn't either. I like Guest's idea though that Dumbledore was researching stuff about the Charm in the meantime while they were lying low.

I know in canon it says that all four past people who are present were full-time members of the Order, but I cannot see Remus or Lily just 'living' off of James and Sirius. So, since I can't decide yet what kind of 'work' any of them are doing for the Order, the only thing we really see them do in the book is guard the Prophecy, they're kind of on hold for the reading, and I might touch as I go on what they do more specifically if I come up with any good ideas. I know Remus specifically 'spies' on the werewolves on Voldemort's side, but I really can't see James and Sirius letting him do this too much, they'd throw a fit. James and Sirius together could kick up enough of a fuss he couldn't do it too often, while an after Azkaban Sirius probably isn't in any kind of good position and couldn't do as much to stop anyone from doing anything.

I'm afraid I'm still refusing to answer any and all actual question like the one Guest asked, that's as the story goes, and in the chapter below coincidentally. HAHA dang this is probably the longest A/N ever, and I'm sorry if it seemed a little rambly. It's probably a bad reflection on my writing that I couldn't just sit down and explain this in story...but oh well.

HPHPHPHP

"Honestly Harry," Lily began, shaking her head from side to side, "I'm afraid to ask, but how come you've never ran away before then?"

Harry just sighed miserably as he answered, "the Dursleys ignored me more than anything else growing up. They never sat around insulting me like she was, that's why I lost my temper. I guess I'd just never been driven that far before."

"Best thing to happen, honestly," James nodded in total agreement, "mind you, I hate what led to that, but if you never go back, that will be the happiest part of this."

"Where's he going to go though?" Remus asked in concern, stating the one thing that really could make this an awful situation very quickly. "Ron and Hermione are out of the country, and even if they weren't, would they really just let him move in like that?"

"I'm positive they'd let him live there," James scoffed, "the Weasleys let him stay most of last summer, right?"

"He could stay in the Leaky Cauldron," Sirius offered, "I ran away from home a few times and stayed there, always went back eventually but it was a good place to cool off for the weekend, especially when James did go out like this."

"But does Harry think to do that?" Remus prompted.

"Well let's find out," Lily shrugged, turning to her chapter.

It took Harry several blocks before a new emotion made him stop, panic.

"Completely understandable," James nodded.

His mind couldn't seem to find a way out of this mess. He was alone in the Muggle world, and he'd just done some of the most obvious of magic, which probably meant he was going to be kicked out of school as well.

Remus cut in, saying, "Harry, you do know now you really shouldn't be expelled for that. It was uncontrolled magic."

"Do they actually know the difference though?" Sirius asked, more puzzled than actually concerned. This crime really wasn't that bad, it certainly wasn't the worst he'd heard of. "Between wandless magic and, ah, wand magic."

"No," Lily frowned, "but once they come upon the situation, and hear Harry's side of it, there shouldn't be punishment. In fact, I'd like to think the Ministry will actually do something to get Harry out of there."

Harry remained quiet, ignoring that pull in his gut that said his Mom's words weren't ringing true. Out loud he responded to Remus' original question, "yeah, now. Back then, not so much."

Harry had just broken the law, and really wasn't sure why the Ministry hadn't yet appeared to take his wand away.

"Actually kind of hoping for that here soon," James sighed, "now that Lily's said it, it seems obvious that the Ministry's going to come and see what happened and then take Harry somewhere else."

Sirius frowned, biting at his lip and trying not to argue. He personally had little to no faith in the Ministry, and he had a really bad feeling they might just try to brush this whole thing over and simply leave Harry there again once they'd fixed this situation. The after effects of which would plague him no matter what really did happen.

Harry shivered in the cold weather as he glanced around himself, mind spinning in all directions. All he could think about now was that he was a criminal, and would be cut off from the magical world. He knew Ron and Hermione would help him out given the chance, but they were both out of the country, and he had no way to get a hold of them.

"You're starting to depress me," Lily sighed, an old now familiar pang back in place as she realized no one was really there for her boy in this moment when he needed them most.

He didn't have any Muggle money either.

"So, no one ever did tell you about the Gringotts exchange then," Remus pointed out something he'd noted back in the first book.

"Nope, no one had told me then, and even if they had I might not have anyway. Didn't want the Dursleys questioning why I suddenly had money on me." Harry reminded, frowning and suddenly wondering why he was getting a mounting feeling of apprehension. Alone on Magnolia Crescent, the night that he had been most desperate to leave the Dursleys...why did this feel so important to him. The longer he sat here, wondering if he was going to have to go on the run...did that remind him of someone.

Lily cut off his train of thought by reading.

Harry did have some wizard money in his vault, but he could never drag his stuff all the way there, unless...

"Oh please tell me you grabbed your broom," James frowned in concern.

"Yes, it was inside my trunk," Harry nodded. Remembering vividly back during the summer of his first year when he had been packing away all of his stuff and worried about how to carry his cauldron, when he realized that the trunk would magically expand to hold quite a bit of stuff, even if it was so heavy he could hardly lift it.

He glanced at his wand, and came to the conclusion that if he was already expelled,

"Please stop saying that," Sirius huffed, "you're starting to depress me now."

"Can't help it," Lily pointed out as she continued with a bit of curiosity now, wondering what cockamamie plan Harry would consider doing before the Ministry got a hold of him.

he could just continue to do more magic to get himself out of this. He'd enchant his trunk to be light enough he could rope it to his broom, throw on his invisibility cloak and fly to London to empty out of his vault, and then what? Go on the run the rest of his life?

"While it's not an awful plan," James snorted, "you're either ignorant or forgetting a very important detail."

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"The trace," Remus pointed out, "that allows the Ministry to find you until you turn seventeen. Plus, and no offense Harry, you really don't know enough magic that you could make it on your own anyways."

Harry nodded in understanding, not exactly up to arguing the point. While his thirteen-year-old self might have argued the matter, he also hadn't known about the trace back then and hadn't realized just how easy it would be for him to be found.

He did not enjoy this future, but he could hardly sit here forever lest a Muggle policeman come by and ask why Harry had luggage full of spell books and a broom.

"That would be a story," Sirius agreed light-heartedly, "though personally we never exactly stuck around long enough for them to ask any questions."

"When did any of you get a run in with Muggle police?" Lily demanded suspiciously.

Sirius went a little shifty eyed and declined answering, while James laughed with far too much unease and said, "don't be silly Lily, he was joking."

Lily snorted, they weren't even trying to hide the fact that they were kidding, but she was too curious about the book to really interrogate them now. She'd wait until later.

Plan decided, he went rummaging through his stuff to find his cloak, when he felt a tingling go up his spine. He stood up straight and glanced around himself, the lone streetlight showing no one else around.

"Well this can't be good," they all muttered at once. Harry already had an impressive track record when it came to getting into bad situations. And now, here he was, alone and feeling off again. One glance at Harry now showed they weren't wrong about being worried either; he had a frown already in place as he remembered exactly how he had been feeling at that time.

He went back to his stuff, only to stop again at once, wand now in hand as he glanced more suspiciously at the dark surroundings. He thought he caught sight of something moving between the gaps of the houses.

Lily already wanted to stop and bite at her lip in worry. Way too many horrible things could be lurking behind her boy. The boys were all thinking of their joking comments about a convict being around, and violently berating themselves as they realized their joking may have come true.

He strained his eyes in the shadows, trying to make out if it was just an animal, or something worse. He lit the tip of his wand with the spell Lumos, which shone so brightly that Harry was momentarily blinded as it shone off of the garage door, but he just had time to make out the shape of something very large, with watchful eyes.

Lily's voice was heading into outright fear now, even if it was just a stray animal she didn't like that it was scaring her son.

Harry though, was frowning in remembrance. Wasn't he supposed to have a good feeling about this? That was his first reaction, but he knew his thirteen-year-old self had acted in fear at this startling sight. He wasn't even for sure what he had seen then...

He took an automatic step back, fell over his luggage, and ended in the gutter with his wand arm thrown out to catch his fall. There was a very loud BANG from just to his right, and Harry barely had time to roll back onto the sidewalk before wheels landed where his head had just been.

The whole time Lily had been reading that, her voice had continued to edge higher in fear. She was almost quaking in terror; the book almost slipped from her grasp. She still wasn't quite back to normal after that horrid dinner scene, and Harry coming so close to death right after that caused her to want to fling her arms around her son and hold him as close as she could.

For a moment Harry was sure he'd been knocked silly as he looked up at a triple deckered bus, which was bright purple,

"Thank Merlin," Sirius breathed, his eyes lighting up at once as he recognized the description, and then he released a bark of laughter and said, "you just called that by accident."

Harry was rubbing at his head and looking marginally embarrassed as they really did give a light chuckle at that, but his mind was still on the thing he'd seen. It was a dog, but massive. Why was this so important to him? It must just be a stray, so why should he care?

Lily was the only one who still looked on edge about the matter, Harry had never said what he'd seen in the dark, but now that the Knight Bus had appeared, surely everything was going to be okay now.

with the label The Knight Bus on the side. Before he had time to process this fully, a young man was stepping off in uniform and announcing himself as Stan Shunpike, a conductor for the bus, then he saw Harry still on the ground and asked why he was down there.

"Nice of him to notice," James said lightly.

Harry got to his feet and said that he'd fallen over, and Stan asked why he did that.

"Just seemed like a fun thing to do obviously," Remus snorted.

Harry snapped back he hadn't done it on purpose.

"Wow, getting a bit snippy there Pup," Sirius laughed.

Harry suddenly jerked; he looked like he was on the verge of something really important. Back when they had told him about their decision to be Animagi, and the subsequent animals, he hadn't thought much on the matter. It did explain the random nicknames, and beyond that he'd never questioned it. Now...

Lily hadn't seemed to notice Harry wasn't paying much attention to them, she was still stuck on the fact it had yet to say what Harry had seen to startle him so badly. So for once she didn't take note of her son in the room now eyeing Sirius curiously, but instead read.

Harry then turned to look behind him, but there was nothing there where the headlights clearly shown. Stan asked what he was watching, and Harry explained that he'd seen a humongous black dog.

Now that finally struck a chord with everyone in the room. Sirius looked like he'd just been clubbed over the head. Harry was still eyeing him like he'd never seen him before, no that wasn't right. He was staring right at him like he was trying desperately to remember something...

"So, err," James began, looking from Harry to Sirius and back warily, "who wants to count the odds of this?" A guy named Black had been heard from on the news, and a giant black dog which happened to be Sirius' animagus form, had been seen around Harry.

They still didn't believe in coincidences, but none of them really knew what to make of this. Because if that was Sirius, then that meant that first of all he was still alive! That alone made their heads spin, because what force on Earth would keep him away from Harry for all of these years. Which brought up the most confusing part, had it really been him on the news? Was it Sirius who had escaped from a prison, meaning Azkaban itself? How would anyone even go about doing that? They had been kidding earlier in even suggesting it was a relative of his, since it was impossible to escape from that place. Was it simply two unrelated instances and they were just trying to over-read it?

Sirius looked likely to pass out, not finding this remotely funny anymore. The possibilities were endless and far too horrible. Lily and James were eyeing each other, unsure what to make of all this. The past few times they jumped to a conclusion, they weren't always right. Remus was beside himself; lost in questions he wasn't sure he wanted an answer to anymore.

Harry wasn't helping anyone, he hadn't spoken a word through all of this, simply sitting there watching Sirius. His mind and gut were at war with each other the longer this continued. He knew him, he had been so sure of that, and simply from the small amount of time he had interacted with him now he was convinced Sirius was as close to him as his own parents. He should be happy at the very thought of Sirius being alive, his gut told him that. So why was something very dark and bad building up inside of his mind even as he sat there? A pounding headache was forming again, not knowing what to think or even what instinct to trust.

Finally after a very long, drawn out silence where no one offered anything, Lily finally convinced herself to just read on. Coincidence or not, she had a very nasty feeling they would find out sooner rather than later.

Stan didn't seem all that impressed, he was still watching Harry and asked what was on Harry's forehead. Harry reacted by brushing his hair in the way and saying nothing while trying to cover his scar.

"Can't blame you for that," James muttered, not even slightly distracted from his best friend's odd mentioning, if it was even that at all.

Harry knew that if the Ministry was after him, he didn't want to help them along.

Sirius finally came out of his torpor to release a surprised snort, shaking himself firmly like a wet dog. He was being paranoid, they all were. So why didn't he believe that? Well Harry eyeing him every other second now wasn't helping the matter. Out loud he said, "credit for trying anyways."

Stan then asked for Harry's name, and he gave the first one that came to mind, Neville Longbottom.

"At least it wasn't Ron's, you don't exactly resemble him," Lily agreed, trying in vain for some normal mood again, though none of the boys looked remotely up to it.

Then Harry changed the subject to asking about the bus, and where it led? Stan promptly explained it would take him anywhere except underwater.

"Where would I even go underwater?" Harry asked loudly, not having meant to pitch his volume like that, but hoping to distract himself from the way his head seemed to be developing its own pulse.

"Err, guess you could go visit mermaids or something," Remus blurted, finally pulling him away from his thoughts.

He told Harry, in a very thick accent, the different prices for the ride, and extras such as hot chocolate, or a little more for a toothbrush.

James finally made a brave stab at humour again, saying, "Lily Flower, please never try and mimic that accent again. You're doing a horrible job."

Lily took a small moment to stick her tongue out at him, but didn't bother defending herself. It's not like she could skip what Stan was saying.

Harry paid his dues and loaded his stuff onto the bus, and instead of seats inside he found beds. Stan set him up right behind the driver's seat, a man named Ernie Prang at the wheel.

"Is he still driving that then?" Sirius asked, dully, and the others were slightly concerned to see that he hadn't really bounced back yet. Sirius was pretty well known for not letting things get to him for too long, so the fact that he was clearly still upset and distracted by all of these horrible implications about him wasn't boding well.

No one answered him, mostly because it was a rhetorical question anyways.

Then Stan took a seat behind the driver, and told Ernie they were good to go. There was an equally loud BANG as the one that had arrived, and Harry was tossed onto his bed with the speed of force.

That finally earned a half-hearted chuckle from them, knowing all too well the sensations of riding that bus for the first time.

Stan was still eyeing Harry curiously, but Harry asked first where they were. Stan said somewhere in Wales, and Harry asked how come the Muggles couldn't hear the bus.

Harry closed his mouth sheepishly, finally distracted from his impending thoughts and was fixing to ask that himself. Lily smiled indulgently at him before reading.

Stan just laughed, saying those Muggles never saw anything proper, while Ernie told him to go and wake a woman whose stop was coming up.

"Well that didn't really explain it," Remus said lightly.

"It's okay," Harry said quickly, "magic makes it hard to see and hear, got it."

Well Harry hadn't stayed distracted long. He was already over his curiosity at this new magical object, and the brief feeling of wanting to object why this was okay but Mr. Weasley's car was illegal, and back to wondering why he felt like this should be the most important night of his life. He still had no answers though, and so he didn't want to delay the reading much.

Harry began watching out the window as Ernie spun crazily through the streets, while cars, mailboxes, and street lights all jumped out of the way only to go right back when they'd passed.

Harry raised his brows in surprise, he did find that pretty amusing, but not enough to interrupt again.

Stan came back down the stairs with an elder woman, and the bus screeched to a stop. While Madam Marsh tottered out, slightly green from the trip, Stan tossed her luggage out after her,

"Well he's a polite one," Lily snorted.

and then they were off again. Harry spent the next while sitting on his bed, but knowing he could never sleep. He was too busy thinking about if Marge had stopped floating around the Dursleys house yet.

That gained a weak laugh from the group, happy to have something to distract them and that delightful mental image worked fine.

Then he caught sight of Stan holding a copy of the Daily Prophet, and the large image on the front was of the same man Harry had seen on the Muggle news.

"Wow, wait!" Remus said in surprise. "So the person who did escape, was a wizard?"

"But, how is that even possible?" James demanded. "No one should be able to escape from Azkaban, no one!"

Sirius looked almost mildly amused as he said, "well, props to them for being the first one to do it."

"Knock it off Sirius," Lily snapped, getting a little huffy at once at such a prospect, "it's not funny, this could be a problem."

"Quit fretting Lily," Sirius scoffed right back, "so it's weird, kind of freaky, and I'm going to insist still cool, but it's probably nothing to do with Harry."

Lily wasn't the only one who disagreed with that, Remus also had a bad feeling that trouble seemed to go out of its way to find Harry, and an escaped prisoner who shared a name with Sirius seemed almost likely by this point. Remus had met Sirius' family only once, and it had been far from a pleasant experience, one he would never wish on Harry.

James dearly wanted to side with Sirius, but he still didn't like the uneasy way his son was acting now, it didn't bode well.

Stan looked back at the front page,

Lily froze dead in her tracks as she looked down at the name, the first name, of this convict. Harry didn't even need to ask this time, one furtive look from his mom to his godfather and he knew his answer. James wasn't having it though, he tore the book away and glared down at that name like it was the worst trick in the world.

"Someone's dead," he snarled, his hands beginning to shake so hard the book was in danger of being broken all over again. "Whoever the hell framed you for whatever the bloody hell you ended up in there for, they are beyond dead!" He got to his feet and began pacing the length of the couch, continuing his violent mutterings about how his best friend had been set up for something.

Sirius said nothing, he looked almost mummified, and for a horrible moment Remus thought he'd stopped breathing. "Ah, Padfoot," Remus said gently, since James was still yelling at the top of his lungs and Lily and Harry were watching him wearily. Sirius was still losing colour, and were his lips tinged blue? Remus poked him, hard, in the ribs which only elicited the smallest of reactions that he sucked in air through his nose finally. He still wasn't reacting though, just gazing straight forward with a look of utmost horror on his face.

His friends had seen him in quite a few ways, so excited he couldn't hold still, so angry he couldn't spit out the words, and one single moment before this where he had been terrified. Then though, Sirius had done the opposite and had sat around talking almost nonstop in an effort to show how 'not afraid' he'd been. This shell-shocked display was something none of them had seen before, and it was beginning to scare them all.

"Sirius," James said loudly, finally having noticed he was the only one shouting. He waltzed over and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder.

The man jumped like he'd just been electrocuted; suddenly his eyes went flying around the room like he had no idea where he was. Blinking so fast there was no way he could really be clearing his vision, he stammered "s-sorry. Zoned out there, what was that?"

"You kind of went mental there for a moment," Remus told him kindly, trying to put some warmth into his voice that Sirius didn't even register.

"Di-did I?" he muttered, and then he shook himself like a wet dog with a rabid cat on its back. When he was done doing that, he looked around again with far more sense, and his eyes landed on Harry. Sirius swallowed hard, and opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. What exactly he was trying to say, apologize for being absent, ask him if he knew what had happened, or anything else for that matter just wasn't getting past his lips.

Harry took pity on him and addressed both of those questions, "I'm not mad at you Sirius. I've only known you for a few days and I know you'd never do anything to get sent there." Harry very carefully avoided using the word of said prison; Sirius still looked likely to faint at any moment. "I still don't know what happened either, I just knew I remembered you. I'm not afraid of you though, and don't you think I'd be afraid of someone who I knew was a mass murderer?"

"Murderer?" Remus repeated eagerly, as Harry immediately dissolved into grimacing and rubbing at his temple as words slipped out that he had no knowledge of. Just this small little dig and he was already back to that horrid pain that sent white hot flashes through him.

Remus retracted at once, very much wanting to find out exactly what Sirius had been accused of, but unwilling to persist Harry in the matter. It was ridiculous after all, Sirius was a hot headed idiot on a good day, but he would never do something like murder. Or, well, maybe he would...

Harry cut in with another question instead, "but how did you know where I was? I didn't really think you'd ever been to the Dursleys?"

Sirius didn't really answer, he still looked like he was in a daze, and Lily answered, "the Order knows where Petunia lives, her address anyways. I've it listed under people who should be contacted if I die, which I need to fix," she added to herself with a mutter, ignoring the flinch that caused James for the suddenly very real threat. "It's how Dumbledore and McGonagall even knew where Petunia was living back in the first book. It was dangerous though," she finished with a sharp look at Sirius, "for him to still go there. Any fool who knew you would know you'd go and seek out Harry."

Still this gained no reaction from Sirius.

James was still grumbling mutinously as Lily finally convinced him to take his seat, the parents still eyeing Harry with some concern. Experience had already told them if he continued in this way, his body would rebel and he would end up crumpling to the ground in pain, so Lily was now very eager to keep going and read. James only shut himself up for now so that he could see what exactly was going on here.

where the name Sirius Black plastered across the headline.

Sirius convulsed slightly, hearing his name like that. He had been, well not content per say, but had accepted that he must have died shortly after James to have been absent so long. Now that he found out where he had been, he pondered whether he'd just as soon be dead. Then he grit his teeth and began mentally pummeling himself for that thought. He was alive, which meant that he really could get out and find Harry. It all came together very clearly in his mind now. Whatever he had been accused of doing didn't matter, how he had even gotten out didn't matter. That black dog Harry had seen, it must have been him! Which meant he would finally be able to do what he'd always swore he would, look after his godson. The why's and how's didn't even matter, so long as he could just do one simple thing and keep an eye out for him.

Stan laughed, saying he'd been all over the news, yes even the Muggle's and Harry should keep up more. He handed Harry that section of the paper, and Harry began to read,

Lily released a very shaky breath, mixed feelings twisting inside of her as she realized she very well might just find out what had happened, and almost not wanting to find out. Whatever it was, this wasn't going to be pretty, but she pressed on anyway.

about this man who had been held in Azkaban was still on the loose. The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, was trying to stop the public from panicking, and denied any knowledge of how the escape had even happened. Everyone had been warned to keep an eye out for this deranged man, who'd been locked away twelve years ago for killing thirteen people with one spell.

Some kind of life finally reappeared on Sirius again, but it wasn't the kind anyone wanted to see. He laughed, and it wasn't his usual jovial cheer, this already had an edge of madness tinging it as he leaned as far away from everyone as he possibly could.

Remus punched him on the shoulder, hard.

"Ouch," Sirius whined, and Remus sighed in relief to finally have gotten a normal response out of him. "What was that for?"

"Shut it," Remus snapped, "and quit acting like an idiot or I'll do it again."

"How does someone so scrawny hit so hard," Sirius muttered, slumping back down, and wondering if he could get away with listening to this on another continent.

Remus hadn't really meant to hit him that hard; he had actually been projecting his own annoyance at himself in that throw. How could he have thought something like that of his friend, even for a second? Yes, Sirius had made quite a few threats against members of his family, even Snape from time to time, but he'd never meant them! That accident when they were kids was just that, an accident. He'd forgiven Sirius for that a long time ago, so to even consider him to do something like that now felt like a betrayal.

"This is foul," James snarled, looking far more likely to rip someone's head off than Sirius himself in that moment, "how could anyone think you'd done this!"

They were all stumped. They of course knew Sirius quite well, but to the general populace he was simply a name attached to one of the pure-blood households. It really wasn't much of a stretch at all to think a Black would pull this off.

Lily wanted very much to sit around questioning how all of this had gone in trial, what kind of evidence had been used against Sirius in the matter, but since no one here actually knew the answer she didn't even touch on the question. She gave all of the boys a pitying look, but with James' almost comforting words still in mind she read out the full charge.

Harry looked at the picture again, of the man with such sunken features it was a wonder he was even breathing.

Sirius then balked and shuttered all over again, remembering Harry saying how non-human he had looked. He'd heard stories about how that place sucked the life out of you, but it was more unpleasant to picture yourself like that.

Harry had only ever seen pictures of Vampires before, but he would have put money this man looked just like one.

Remus jerked away from Sirius in surprise as he made a pitiful noise deep in his throat, and then bent towards him in concern all over again. "Sirius, I think you stopped breathing again."

"Sorry," he muttered, "just trying to picture it, and it's not much fun."

James was bouncing in place in his seat, still with that manic energy that he needed to go curse someone into oblivion for this slandering, and also dearly wanting to go sit next to Sirius now and hug the life back into him. They could hardly blame him for reacting like this, but it was still creeping them out how he had yet to regain any of his normal coloring and actually seemed to be getting paler the longer this went on.

Harry handed back the paper, Stan not even fully looking at the picture as he commented on what a creepy looking man he was. Harry was stunned as he asked that Black had really killed thirteen people at once, and Stan was nodding along, adding details that he'd been caught doing it in broad daylight, with witnesses all around.

"Bollocks," James hissed, "a big, rotten pile of steaming-"

"James," Lily sighed, "we're all mad at this, but I want to hear it anyways."

James' upper lip curled in a sneer, he didn't look like he was going to back down one bit, until Sirius finally gave an intelligible sentence again and said, "let it go James. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you find this so ridiculous, but I want to hear this too."

"Might help us figure out who really did do it," Remus added on quickly.

James huffed and crossed his arms, while Harry simply sat there nodding along with his Mom. He knew the answer to this. He had never been so sure of anything since he'd woken up here, and he dearly wanted to find out now because it felt majorly important to him. Like something bad had happened, simply because he hadn't known this information...

Ernie added on that Black had been a well-known backer of You-Know Who,

Lily couldn't read that sentence without snorting in disbelief, while the other four boys made choking noises of disgust at such a ridiculous accusation. "Where is he even getting that from? He didn't know you," Lily demanded of the book.

Sirius gave her a wan smile, pleased she seemed to find this as outrageous as anyone else. Sometimes he wondered how much she really did like him, considering how often she threatened, yelled and berated him. And now her snarky little joke from before actually seemed to have come true. Watching her now though, he no longer had a doubt in his mind.

Harry corrected Voldemort without thinking about it.

"Well this should be fun," Remus noted absently, noticing Harry still didn't seem to realize he shouldn't be spouting that name without thinking about it.

Ernie jerked the wheel of the bus so hard in shock, a whole building had to jump to the side.

"Still love that you do that so casually," Sirius said a little too loudly, obviously trying to force a devil may care attitude. The others didn't buy it, but it was a nice attempt.

Stan looked likely to faint from shock, demanding to know why Harry would say that name! Harry apologized, saying he'd forgotten people didn't like that.

"You forgot?" James laughed lightly, not anywhere near over his shock and anger that his best friend had survived, but enjoying Harry's unintentional humour all the same.

Stan wasn't buying it, still rubbing at his chest from shock, and Harry tried to change the subject by repeating that Black had been a supporter of You-Know-Who.

Sirius went so bug-eyed all of a sudden, Remus had to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing hold of him to make sure he really didn't fall over this time as Sirius nearly shouted, "oh bloody hell!"

"What?" James yelped in concern, Sirius was more than scaring him now with these awful freak out moments he kept having.

"This!" he snarled, and it finally looked like he was edging back to his normal self, except now he was truly pissed at something as he continued to nearly shout. "This is the first thing Harry hears about me! He's grown up not even knowing my name, and the first thing he ever hears about me is that I, I'm a-"

"Oh Sirius-" Lily muttered, while Remus really did look like he was fixing to hug him. Sirius was in no mood, he had built up enough steam that he was going to keep going until someone forcibly muted him.

"Don't any of you apologize! I've dealt with a lot of crap so far, but this!" He continued in this way for so long, he actually started to go hoarse, but none of them stopped him. They felt he more than deserved it.

When he finally did subside, now absentmindedly rubbing at his throat and looking far calmer and more himself, Harry was quick to cut in, "if it helps at all, I know you now."

Sirius grunted, though maybe he didn't verbally reply because his vocal cords were still coming back, but, after a quick look from James, Lily decided to keep reading now before Sirius got his voice back.

Stan agreed, telling Harry about how some of You-Know-Who's other followers had been caught right after his downfall, and had come in without much of a fight, but not Black. Others said he was his second in command, and was even going to take over for You-Know-Who.

"The fact that anyone believes that is sad," Remus sighed. "I've heard of some pretty nasty Death Eaters, and even they don't have the gall to go around saying that, they'd be killed by Voldemort himself."

"Most likely this is all rumours that happened after Sirius was framed," Lily pointed out, "details were exaggerated; the worst of it always comes after the act itself."

"Glad you two think this is so interesting," James huffed, since Sirius' indignant look clearly said he was thinking that, but he was still rubbing his throat and couldn't say it.

Remus looked slightly offended for a moment that James thought he meant it, but then he backed down when he realized it was more of a really dark joke.

Lily didn't deign them with a comment at all; she just kept going and hoped for more actual evidence than slander.

Then he told how Black had been found in a Muggle neighborhood, and that he blew up the street rather than go in, killing twelve Muggles and one wizard.

"Ah, how would someone go about making that look like me?" Sirius said in mild concern, finally getting his voice back and seeming to lose it all at once.

"There are several ways," Lily frowned, "but my main issue is then what happened to you?"

Remus snapped his fingers and said, "what if the person who did this simply made themselves look like Sirius, then the Ministry came and got him after the fact."

"Wouldn't be the first time someone blamed him for something he didn't do, because of his name." James agreed, hardly looking pleased that they might have figured this out, since he still wanted to murder the fool who had thought they could frame his best friend and get away with it.

Harry was pondering how he felt about this. For some reason, it didn't feel right. There were huge chunks missing, and the set up his family had offered wasn't quite right, but as always he just wasn't sure how to best put those pieces together.

Then he told of what Black did after the fact, he sat there and laughed. Just sitting in the streets laughing when the Ministry showed up and properly arrested him, probably because he was mad.

"Mad in the emotional sense," Sirius sniffed. "I like to think I'm a little saner than just standing around after something like that ouch-" he cried again, giving Remus the stank eye. "Why do you keep hitting me? You're supposed to be the nice one."

"You don't get to joke about this," Remus told him with one of the sternest looks anyone had ever seen. "Not this Sirius."

Sirius opened his mouth, a nasty little retort already in place, when he shut his mouth just as quickly and nodded his ascent. The joke had slipped out before he thought about it, same as most of his jokes really. Now though, looking at his friends, he recognized it was only going to make this worse.

Then to everyone's surprise, Lily spoke up, "don't be too hard on him, Remus. You know he plays off things to show how aloof he thinks he is. If making stupid jokes helps him to cope, don't beat him for it."

"My jokes aren't stupid," Sirius snapped at once, then he went bright-eyed and cooed, "aw, Lily, that's the first time you've ever defended me."

"Don't get used to it," she smirked at him.

James and Remus didn't really look happy, feeling they'd rather strangle someone who made light of this situation regarding their friend, but so long as Sirius was the one doing it they couldn't really say too much.

He'd spent the rest of his life in Azkaban, though Ernie reflected that if he wasn't mad before he went in there he most certainly was now, of course he did deserve it.

"Someone certainly deserves that place," James agreed, "but it's too good for what I owe them."

There was a big cover up from the magical community, telling how the big explosion had been some sort of gas leak, but now Black was out again, and he was the first to ever have done it, and nobody knew how.

"That is still a very good question," Sirius nodded to himself, cocking his head to the side and actually considering the matter. "Or why I didn't do it earlier, like as soon as I got there. Why now?"

"I got nothing," Remus shrugged.

"Can we not think about this," James moaned, "I really don't want to think about this anymore than I have to."

Harry frowned, he had honestly wanted to hear if his family had any theories on the matter, but his Dad now looked as ghastly as Sirius had before. His anger seemed to be subsiding, and James was starting to push past his outrage at Sirius being there, to Sirius being there. Alone in that dark, creepy place where no one would normally survive more than a few years, and Sirius had been there for twelve!

The others recognized this as well, and Lily was quick to move on.

The two elders were still talking about how terrifying that prison was, and Harry couldn't help but reflect how this conversation would go in a few weeks when word got around that Harry Potter had broken wizarding law. Would he end up in Azkaban to? Were Ernie and Stan going to be sitting around laughing then about how he'd blown up his aunt and made a run for it?

That released a startled laugh from Remus. They had just found out something major, life altering even. Nothing this bad or emotionally horrifying had come up since the first chapter of the first book, and here Harry was. Thirteen and caring nothing for his would be Uncle's state, but simply still worried about something as petty as accidental magic. It wasn't really funny, but it made him laugh anyways.

Sirius was dearly tempted to punch him then, more for payback than actually wanting him to stop, but he was already trailing off and Lily was still eager to keep going.

Harry had broken the law, just like Black.

Sirius made to open his mouth again, but this time it was Lily who cut him off and said, "don't. I do not want to hear some stupid joke about that one."

Sirius huffed, she had just defended him and now was the one stopping him from saying 'he takes after me' but on retrospect, that really was a little too dark of humor even for him.

Was inflating Marge bad enough to land him in Azkaban?

"Not even close," James shuddered in disgust, wanting to vomit all over again at Harry going anywhere near that place.

He'd never been there himself, but he'd heard nothing but terrible rumours about the place, even Hagrid, the strongest man Harry knew, had all but begged not to be sent there.

While it did keep things in perspective for Harry, Lily dearly hoped this was the last time that horrid prison would be mentioned, because now every time it was all three of her boys winced at the very thought of the place.

The trip wore on, and the scenery outside continued to change around as passengers got off. At one point Stan went to go get Harry his hot chocolate, but managed to spill it all over him at the next take off.

"What, it didn't have a lid?" Sirius asked absently.

"Not the best time to drink that anyway," James shrugged. Their light commentary still seemed to be lacking, and they were now beginning to wonder how long it would take before they could actually sit around and absorb this new information.

When Harry was the last one aboard, the Knight Bus set off for the Leaky Cauldron, daybreak beginning on the horizon.

"Wow, you were on that thing all night," Lily said in surprise.

"You said the ministry would be tracking me," Harry frowned, "how come they wouldn't have caught up by then?"

"You would have been moving around too fast," Lily shrugged when it looked like none of the boys were, "so by the time you were pinpointed, the bus would have been off again. I'm sure they'll catch up to you before you leave Diagon Alley though."

Harry frowned, not looking remotely comforted by that. The horrid news of Sirius had distracted him now, but his thirteen-year-old self was still firmly upset by the matter with Marge, and even more so if he was going to be forced back to the Dursleys for the rest of the summer. He might have been the only one thinking about this though; the others were clearly still out of it.

Harry's plan was still in place, now deciding what he would do after he got his money.

"Could go see the country," Remus joked, "might be fun for a while anyways."

Lily just ignored him, knowing full well Harry wouldn't be able to get that far.

The bus came to a stop, and Harry was getting help from Stan unloading his stuff when a voice behind called out a greeting to Harry.

"Who do you think that is?" James asked, finally an actual distraction from the fate of his best friend.

"He knew Harry by name," Lily puzzled, noting just the first name and not his full name like some awestruck person might have, "you think they sent someone who knew Harry personally?"

"Well you tell us," Remus pointed out.

Harry nearly dropped his stuff in shock as he saw the Minister of Magic.

"Say what!" The ones without the book yelped.

"Surely the Minister himself wouldn't have come after you?" James said in surprise.

"Well why not?" Remus acknowledged once the shock had worn off. "He is the famous Harry Potter after all. He might have gotten some special attention for his bit of acting out."

"I keep wanting to forget that honestly," Lily sighed, "but I guess it does make sense."

He came forward and placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, while Stan was caught off guard, saying how he'd thought this was Neville. Fudge looked at him curiously as he corrected that this was Harry Potter, and Stan shouted that he'd known that all along.

"Sure he did," James scoffed, now frowning as he realized Sirius seemed to have gone quiet again. He was still obviously paying attention, but normally that would have been his line.

Fudge turned back to Harry then, inviting him inside and then asking the bartender, Tom, for a pot of tea in one of the rooms, hand still firmly holding onto Harry's shoulder.

"That's starting to annoy me," Lily frowned, "where does he get the right to hold onto you like that. He doesn't think you're going to make a run from him does he?"

Harry just shrugged; he had no idea about the Minister's motives.

Stan and Ernie were coming in from behind, carrying Harry's stuff, and Stan asked why Harry had lied, still calling him Neville.

"Is he going to keep calling you that?" Remus asked, slightly amused.

"I'm okay with this," Harry smiled weakly, "it's better than being treated like famous Harry Potter."

The Minister dismissed the pair, and Harry was led away into a private office where he was seated, and then Fudge introduced himself and his title.

"Glad you already knew that, or this would have been even more awkward," James nodded.

Harry had already known this, having once seen him in person, but as he'd been hiding under his cloak at the time, he didn't think Fudge needed to know that.

"It might have been a spot funny if you had though," Remus pointed out.

"Still glad he didn't," Lily frowned at him, "it's too odd to explain."

"Could have seen him in the papers or something couldn't he," James shrugged, still keeping an eye on Sirius who was still being far too quiet for his liking.

Then Fudge turned to telling Harry that he'd been quite worried when Harry had run away from his family's house, something terrible could have happened, he had been starting to think...but then changed the subject.

"Started to think what?" Harry asked with interest.

"I've no idea," Lily frowned, "perhaps that you were going to head out somewhere else and it would be harder for them to find you."

No one offered anything else, but they did wonder if Harry's name really was the only reason Fudge was there. What else could it be though?

Telling that they had deflated Marjorie Dursley,

"Still one of the best sentences I've heard all day," Remus muttered to Sirius, and then frowned when he only gave a weak grin back.

and that her memory had been changed so that she didn't remember a thing,

"Almost a pity," Lily sighed, "might teach her not to go spouting such crap to a child."

"I love you," James grinned at his wife, adoring that she had only beaten him by a second on saying that.

concluding that no harm had been done. He then looked over Harry with a warm smile, like an uncle watching his favourite nephew.

Which caused Remus to sniff in disdain. He, much like Lily and James, seemed to find it personally offensive when anyone compared themselves to Harry's family, only a few exceptions came to mind. It bothered him all the more when Sirius didn't even flinch at the sentence.

When Harry said nothing, Fudge did say that Harry was probably worried about the Dursleys reactions, and while they had been angry, they were willing to let Harry come back next summer,

"No," James moaned, putting his face in his hands now.

"My sentiments exactly," Harry sighed, unable to think of anything else to say to that.

"Here I thought you'd finally gotten away from those..." Lily trailed off into a few foul mutterings before clearing her throat and reading.

but Harry protested he never wanted to go back there again! Fudge was shocked, saying that he was sure Harry still loved them, erm, deep down.

"Like the pits of hell deep," Remus huffed, "where fondness equates to hatred."

"Poetic," Lily noted.

"And true," Harry agreed.

Harry in no way agreed, but didn't argue the point. Fudge then spoke about what Harry would do in the meantime, and suggested he just stay here at the Leaky Cauldron for the remainder of his vacation. Harry interrupted by pointing out, what about his punishment?

James made a funny choking noise like someone had just elbowed him in the throat. "Did you really just ask that? Harry, why on earth would you?"

"It didn't make sense," Harry shrugged, still finding this odd now as he explained, "every other time I'd done magic, I'd at least gotten a warning. Now, here I had done something really serious, and nothing."

Harry had used that word on purpose, he had been trying to elicit a reaction from Sirius like everyone else, but the man still seemed so out of it he wasn't going to bite. James and Remus exchanged very worried looks, wondering what had made him bounce back so hard when he'd been trying for a moment to come out of it, while Lily offered an explanation. "Perhaps because they went there themselves and saw what happened? No one could possibly blame you for your actions, the way they were treating you."

Harry didn't really agree, but he wasn't going to argue the point either.

Fudge gave an uneasy laugh, saying why would he do anything like that? Harry insisted that he'd been told off last summer for a house-elf doing magic in his house, and the Ministry had warned him he'd be in real trouble if it happened again.

"Are you trying to get yourself kicked out," Lily demanded of her son.

"I just wanted an explanation," Harry reminded.

"Well, they didn't know a house-elf had done that last summer," Lily reminded him, "and they say expelled as a severe warning. You still haven't done anything bad enough for that to be a real threat."

Harry nodded in acceptance.

Fudge brushed him off though, trying to say that things were a little different now, given the fact that, well- then he blurted that Harry shouldn't want to be expelled?

While most of them simply put this down to Fudge being really bad at explaining the system to Harry, none of them noticed Sirius finally reacting again, by his eyes narrowing with suspicion.

Harry agreed he didn't, then Fudge declared there was no more need to talk about it. He got up and left, but Harry still couldn't believe this. Then he reflected it was odd enough that the Minister of Magic himself had even shown up here.

"I think you're reading too much into it," Lily told him lightly, "it's really not that unusual for someone to have come after you. Maybe not the Minister himself, but still."

Harry still wanted to disagree with her on that, there was something he wasn't quite remembering that would prompt said Minister's motives, but he had no clue as to what.

It really didn't add up that the Minister would come after wayward school children to deal with this. Fudge came back then, saying that Tom had a room for Harry, but then Fudge requested that while he stayed there, he shouldn't go into the Muggle world.

"Who's he to tell you that?" James scoffed, finally dragging his eyes away from Sirius to look at the book in annoyance. "It's none of his business where you go."

"I don't really blame him for this," Lily shrugged, "he is underage by all accounts, so it's not that weird for wanting to keep him in a smaller, magical community."

Harry agreed, but did ask why.

"Glad at least Harry questions it," James huffed, still rather annoyed by that.

Fudge just said that he didn't want Harry to get lost again, it was better for now, then he trailed off again.

Sirius narrowed his eyes further, taking note of that as much as Remus and James noticed him doing it. Was this really what was bothering Sirius so much, the Minister appearing? Sirius hated the Ministry, which had only increased, they were sure, because of what they had just found out, but this seemed a little odd for him to have such a dislike of someone who really hadn't done anything wrong yet.

Sirius declined telling them what was really on his mind. Which was that, like Harry, he was wondering if there wasn't something more going on right there, something to do with a supposed supporter of Voldemort suddenly breaking out.

Harry then randomly asked if there was any news on Black, and Fudge flinched in surprise.

Far from looking pleased, Sirius slumped back in his seat and grumbled something under his breath Remus didn't catch. He noted the act though, and he and James shared another look, hardly wanting to wait until the chapter was over anymore to get him to talk.

Fudge tried for a laugh that didn't work, saying that they had nothing yet and the Azkaban guards were quite angry about it all,

"Can Dementors be angry?" Lily asked, never having considered this. "I've never known them to hold an emotion really."

"They can certainly express themselves if they wish, just not the way you're thinking," Remus offered, realizing in that stretch of quiet he was expected to answer. He didn't look up to elaborating, which was odd enough for him, so Harry didn't ask what a Dementor was.

Fudge made to leave then, but Harry jumped in with one last question, reminding that as a third year he could go to Hogsmeade,

James smirked then, happy his son still had a way of distracting him from something like his best friend acting weirder as time went on. "You would ask something like this after the night you've had."

"I had to put up with all of that crap, and I still didn't get it signed," Harry shrugged, "it was worth a shot."

but no one had signed it for him. Fudge tried to stall by saying he wasn't Harry's parent or guardian of any sort.

"He's got a point," Lily frowned, hating the way this was turning out for him. "I hate to admit it, but it really doesn't look like you're not going to get to this year. You'll have to try something else with those Muggles next summer." The taste those words left in her mouth made her wish she could bite her tongue off so she'd never have to hear that again.

Harry tried to protest, pointing out his position, and that if he gave him permission,

"Too bad it doesn't work like that," James agreed absently.

but Fudge declined, saying this may be all for the best for now. Then he did leave.

Since they were watching for it this time, James and Remus noticed Sirius give an imperceptible nod at yet another action from the Minister. Remus, growing sick of trying to guess what Sirius normally would have said himself anyways, asked, "how much is there left Lily?"

She checked and told him, making them all feel a bit relieved, more than ready to take a break after this monster of emotional baggage had been dumped on them.

Harry was lead to his room, to find Hedwig inside.

"How did she know to go there?" Lily asked in surprise. "I thought she went to Ron in Egypt?"

"I've no idea," Harry beamed, more than pleased anyways.

Harry was as surprised as anyone while Tom explained that she'd just arrived a few moments after Harry, then he left. Harry sank onto his bed, staring around this room and the perspective freedom, without any Dursleys, for the next two weeks.

"No," Remus corrected himself from earlier, "that's the best sentence I've heard yet."

They all nodded in agreement with that.

He was tired though, so he slumped down onto the bed and fell asleep without even taking his glasses off.

"That's the end of the chapter," Lily declared, closing the book with a sharp snap of disgust.

Harry, who had noticed Sirius acting odd just as much as his Dad, decided he'd like to try and get a happier subject going.

"Err, so, about that police thing?" Harry asked hesitantly, since Sirius still looked a little vacant and Remus looked like he might not speak again for some time. James was shifting his weight around in so much unease he was practically bouncing in place, but decided to answer anyway. Yes Lily might get mad, but it was better than sitting around thinking about...

"Sirius and I were out doing some business for the Order when we realized we were being followed. We were on his bike, and so we hit the concrete since we were a lot bulkier in the air on it, and not ten seconds later we got the Muggles chasing after us, lights flashing. Still we gave them a chase around, hoping to lose both pursuers, when Sirius shouted back that he was going to pull over and for me to get ready. Of course I had no idea what that meant, but since he was steering I couldn't argue when he lead us into a dead end."

He glanced back over at his best friend, and while it was clear Sirius was listening, he still didn't look up to interrupting and stating his side of the story. More than concern was beginning to tighten up in James, that expression was really starting to scare him, but he finished off the story anyways. "So we were kind of cornered and being chased by two parties. The three Death Eaters who were chasing us above kept circling lower and lower, so we chatted up the cops until the Death Eaters finally lined themselves up and tried charging at us. We used the cop's cruiser as a wall, they crashed into it, and we bolted out of there before anyone recovered. Got the Ministry out there later to deal with the Memory charms and such. We didn't even get in trouble for the whole thing." He ended, sounding quite pleased with himself.*

He then turned to Lily, expecting a barrage of questions. It was clear from her expression she was annoyed she'd never heard of that before, and was going to demand to know exactly how old they had been, what they had been doing for the Order, etc. but she didn't. She remained just as quiet as everyone else. The silence dragged on into near uncomfortable levels until James finally took the book from Lily, checked his chapter, and then closed it and put it down, wondering what he could say.

HPHPHPHP

Finally! The Big Reveal! Hope I did it justice guys.

*I recognize in reading that fun little thing you can find at ( headsup. freeshell drumsticks/) that it states the boys are in their late teens, maybe just seventeen, but that means Sirius got his bike well before I said, so I went back and changed that. Hope you enjoyed the short, and started crying when you realized there's really not going to be a prequel.

More A/N, I know you guys are all sick of my words by now, but this is also something I need to address, a few people have pointed out that Snape heard the Prophecy and started this whole mess and Dumbledore immediately went to the Potter's and put them into hiding, but to that I say you really think his first thought was the Potter's? Dumbledore was running a war, and when this came to him, I like to think he had to actually look around even outside the Order to establish that only two current families fell under this threat, the Potters and the Longbottom's. Even after this, no due date is literally exact so he probably still would have waited until he was sure these two families were the ones. Even then, I still insist they wouldn't have immediately gone into hiding. If the Potter's had gone into hiding while they were still pregnant, then how on Earth did the rest of the world know Harry (and Neville) even existed if they were in hiding literally so much of the first year of their life. I don't think I'm making any sense...and I hope you all enjoyed the chapter you've been dying for so I'll stop talking/typing now.

#The LIfe that Never LIved #Harry Potter #fanfiction #James Potter #Lily Potter #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #reading the books

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topshelfpanda · 5 years

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What is it about MDZS that makes its fans so violently defensive / hostile towards its characters, sometimes to the extent of ignoring what MXTX literally wrote to fit their agenda?

For example, let's take NMJ and JGY, arguably the most controversy generating duo in all of MDZS. A lot of people favor one and dislike the other, which is fine, but I've seen so many people make up things that simply isn't true in canon to either demean the other party, whether that other party is a character or people that support that character.

A pro-NMJ factoid that I've seen far too often is that NMJ called JGY the son of a prostitute because his mind had already been poisoned by JGY at the time, and this would suggest that JGY is to blame himself for NMJ's outburst towards him. However, I am pretty sure we're supposed to think that NMJ was of a completely clear mind when he said this.

This is the scene right before the infamous falling out:

WWX, who could feel everything NMJ is feeling at the moment, says that JGY was trying his hardest and that it was, in fact, working. And right after the argument, when LXC rushed out, this is what NMJ says about his own mental state :

While one can argue that NMJ is not aware of his own mental state at this moment, that is not an argument I see anyone making when they say that NMJ's mind was already poisoned. I'm inclined to believe him, especially considering JGY's reaction here :

He had "decided on something", which I think we are supposed to believe is killing NMJ. After this argument, WWX doesn't say that the song of clarity is working anymore. All of this suggests that NMJ calling JGY a son of a prostitute came before he was poisoned, not after.

And just so that I don't get accused of being a JGY apologist, a common factoid I've seen among pro-JGY fans is that NMJ held a grudge against JGY due to him killing that officer, and refused to give him another chance regardless of all the good he has done afterwards. This is also not true: JGY has done a lot of awful things after killing the officer, and while one can argue whether he could, or should have chosen otherwise, you have to admit they can come across as a little morally repugnant.

For one, he used NMJ's trust in him to stab him and escape. (not giving screenshots here because they are pretty general events) He then killed a bunch of cultivators, for seemingly no better reason other than they dared to defy WRH. He also brought up NMJ's deepest scar, his father's death, to anger him. He also suggested WRH torture NMJ, an idea that even WRH himself seems to think is a little unnecessary. (screenshot here because it's pretty surprising, but it's true)

I'm not saying that JGY should, or could have done otherwise in these situations, but that NMJ at the moment had a valid reason to be angry at him. However, once he heard what JGY had done these things for, he was willing to give JGY a second chance by becoming sworn brothers with him.

In fact, even after JGY got in cahoots with a well-known delinquent and tried to shield the guy after killing 50+ people for his own gains, NMJ softened when LXC brought up the good that JGY had done.

All in all, I don't think, judging by these passages, that NMJ is incapable of forgiving. You can argue that NMJ is not very considerate of JGY's situation, but I think these passages pretty clearly shows that NMJ always believed that JGY was capable of changing to become better, and gave him a lot of second chances.

Now, did I write this giant post that took 2 hrs of my time to prove that one character is better than the other? Not at all. In fact, I am pretty neutral towards everyone in the series, and the moral grayness of the characters is what makes me love this series.

But ah, let me get back to my main point. While I understand that not everyone likes being neutral as much as I do, the amount of... Anger in this Fandom really shocks me sometimes. I get that the novel is pretty complex and not everyone remembers all the details all the time, but how in the world do you hate or love a character when you don't even completely understand him/her? Sometimes I feel like these characters have taken on a completely different life separate from Canon in internet flame wars and are simplified or villified to a skeleton of their complex personalities and experiences that has only a perfunctory connection to the work they came from.

Granted, this is much worse in the Chinese Fandom. There's literally a segment of JC fans that have "expelled" MXTX from her "author hood" of JC because they perceive her to be unfair towards him in the story and a part of XY fans called her a "XY hater" because of her comments about him. But there's some shadows of it in the Western community and I'm just wondering, like seriously, what is it about MDZS that creates so many solo stans? I've been a part of a lot of Fandom, some of them quite notorious for toxic fans (Hetalia and Black Butler, anyone?) but MDZS has the angriest fans that's literally willing to ignore Canon to paint their favorite character as completely innocent, devoiding them of the moral grayness that makes MDZS great in the first place.

Literally, I don't get it.

#Mdzs #jin guangyao #nie mingjue

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runnfromtheak · 4 years

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fanfic author’s tagging game (yay!)

Thank ya darling for tagging me!!!! @boyblunder-thedarkheir!!!!!

AO3 Name(s): LostandLonelyBirds aka RUNNFROMTHEAK

Fandom(s): Primarily Batfamily (so, Dick Grayson) and Young Justice (along with DCU obviously, but I also dabble into Miralculous Ladybug, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, and MCU (none of which I will ever seriously write for? Idk man).

Number of fics: 22 I will admit to (how do you have so many, my dear @boyblunder-thedarkheir? What is your secret?)

1. Fic you spent the most time on: Are we talking writing or thinking about writing, cause those are two very different answers. I spent the most time writing this bitch of a fic I’m working on right now, and the most time thinking about the two latest installments of my main series, Death is But An Illusion (aka How Could He and How Could It Be). I agonize over every goddamn detail with Dick’s anger, Jason’s Jason-ness, and every person’s every move and word. I am a mess, and I’m going to be murdered if I don’t update them soon. I am not sorry about that XD

2. Fic you spent the least time on: You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There's Blood On My Hands) aka my pick-your-own-canon clusterfuck of Dark!Dick Grayson and Dick Grayson being traumatized and tortured with no comfort (Some of them are so fucked up I question my own mind). I take less than an hour to write 80% of them, cause they’re short, and they very rarely take any time to plan. Fun and easy!

3. Longest Fic: At present, he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn) is my longest, but the fic I’ve been hinting at on my other tumblr, @lostandlonelybirds is easily double the length (why do I do this to myself? Why am I like this?) the long boi (named one, not the one I won’t shut up about) is easily my best fic at the moment, and I’m so excited to write a sequel whenever I get the chance.

4. Shortest Fic: With Bated Breath and Pain You See (We're Nothing More Than Memories) technically, I have one shorter than that, but it’s a collab that wasn’t my original idea so I’m not counting it :)

5. Most Hits: You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There's Blood On My Hands) why do you people like this trash-fire so much? I don’t understand

6. Most Kudos: How Could He which does not surprise me.

7. Most Comment Threads: Technically, How Could He followed by the trash-fire AU title thing I’m too lazy to type again, but I’m gonna love on this one: Just Close Your Eyes (No One Can Hurt You Now) because it’s my baby, and it deserves it okay?

8. Fave Fic You Wrote: Ooo we are doing a top five.

5. How Could It Be (Jason is precious and sad and Dick is oblivious, and I love one-sided pining wayyyy too much)

4. How Could He (I put my life force into this stupid fic, so ofc it’s here)

3. I'm Scared to Live But I'm Scared to Die (I'm Numb Inside) (the suicidal boy, major trigger warning)

2. I See Things That Nobody Else Sees (And It's Slowly Killing Me) (the only fic I’ve ever written from Cass’s perspective, and definitely one of the creepiest and most fucked up. Bruce does not look good here)

1. he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn) (so ummm Bruce doesn’t look good here either? RHATO #25 if DC wasn’t cowardly and let Dick react how he actually would, aka fuck Batman is the new motto)

9. Rewrites?: Fuck. All my older ones? Everything? Who knows.

10. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

Let’s do two. I’m nice.

First comes from How Could It Be:

“You loved him,” Donna says, ignoring his barb. “You loved him, and no one’s seen you or heard from you and I’m concerned, damnit.”

She punches his shoulder roughly, and he’s reminded of her strength, no matter how small she seems in her dead best friend’s sweater.

“I’m fine. Peachy-keen. Couldn’t be fuckin’ better. Honestly, you should be more concerned with Replacement, don’t think he’s slept in—”

“Jason.” Her voice is firm, even as her eyes swim with tears and she holds her arms tight to herself, breathing in the well-loved item’s scent. Jason wonders when Dick wore it last, if Donna had taken it from his abandoned Gotham Penthouse or his Chicago Apartment. He wonders if he’d left it draped over the couch, like the natural disaster he was, or if it had been folded neatly in a drawer.

For someone who prides himself on not being sentimental, Jason suddenly wishes he had something of Dick’s too.

“I’m here because I care, and because if Dick was here, he’d be doing the same thing I am.”

“But he ain’t here,” Jason snaps, “Is he?”

Donna’s head falls, and he feels like a giant jerk. He just… reacts poorly to that name, hasn’t heard it spoken since the transmission and subsequent funeral, since the guy he’d had the hots for since wearing the scaly panties had his mask ripped away and his life taken in front of Bruce’s eyes (who, to absolutely no one’s surprise, failed to save his son).

In the aftermath, no one said Dick Grayson’s name, always Nightwing, or some inane nickname the superhero community had for him. Last time he said it was to Damian, a failed attempt at comfort. But even Jason’s form of mutual grieving had been better than any of Bruce’s shit ideas. Bastard immortalized the ripped costume from his own son’s corpse (not that it had been the first time) and hadn’t even had the decency to give it a plaque (No ‘Good Soldier’ or ‘Good Son’, just a bare glass case with a bloody suit). Which… was weird. Jason was far from B’s best friend, but even he noticed something seemed strange, off, just not quite right. Like the funeral he didn’t speak at, like the breakdown none of them had witnessed beyond a one-off rage fit

“B, what the fuck happened down here?”

The Batcave was a disaster, dents glaringly obvious in several vehicles and a large spiderweb crack across the Batcomputer. Bruce closes the screen down, but Jason manages to catch a spiraling eye.

“Nothing, just…”

Bruce looks at the spare Nightwing costume none of them had taken down yet, still clean and ready for use (too bad its owner died and would never wear it again).

“Dick?” Jason questions, and the way Bruce’s eyes snap to his face is almost suspicious, almost enough to arouse concern.

“Yes. I—”

Jason sits next to Bruce on the desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I miss him too, Old Man. Don’t mean you need to be an ass about it.”

A memorial next to Jason’s own, but Dickhead’s is empty and broken from Damian’s fists and grief, and Jason’s is just gone. No one told him why, it was just gone.

Kind of like Dick.

He wonders if Bruce would have told him if the video hadn’t been broadcast, if he would’ve told anyone. B did love his fuckin’ secrets.

“No,” she whispers, and he can hear the tears in her voice, can feel her grief as keenly as his own. It’s palpable, tangible, “He’s dead, and I’m alive, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

And then, to Jason’s mounting horror, she starts crying openly.

…..

Second comes from my one I’m working on rn with Stray!Dick called I See Sunset In Your Eyes (I Hate This Part Right Here)

“Come on,” Wally says with a pout, dragging an overly amused Jason and Dick with him through the karaoke bar doors. “Donna and Roy are waiting for us, and Dick had to take forever to primp.”

Dick shrugs with a grin.

“Beauty takes time, time I can tell you did not take.”

Jason snorts, and Wally glares at him.

“At least I don’t take five hours to finish getting ready.”

“At least I can last longer than five minutes.”

“Ouch!” Roy butts in, throwing an arm around Jason and Dick’s shoulders. “Claws are out tonight!”

“Speaking from experience?” Jason asks, eyebrow raised.

Dick smirks without comment, sauntering past the group towards the table Donna’s lounging at.

“Hey gorgeous twin of mine,” He greets with a kiss to her eyes. She smirks, rolling her eyes at him.

“You’re just stroking your own ego with the twin tacked on, Wonder Boy.”

Dick bumps his shoulder against hers.

“Can’t I stroke both our egos?”

“You can stroke mine,” Wally mutters, turning red when Stray winks at his phrasing. Jason and Roy both facepalm, groaning. “Not what I meant guys!”

“Why Kid Idiot,” Dick replies, hand on his heart, “I had no idea you could be so forward~!”

Wally glares, waving over the waitress.

“Round of shots, on this dick,” he jerks his thumb at Stray, offering up his fake ID. She doesn’t bother checking it, probably because this is Gotham, and they were all in uniform. “Whisky, please.”

“Trying to get me drunk?” Jason jokes. It is, after all, his first big outing with the Titans for non-mission reasons. Stray had practically dragged him out of the Manor with a wink at Alfred and a middle finger for Bruce, saying that Jason needed to have fun outside of books.

Jason knows better than arguing with Dick Grayson-Kyle when he wants something, Stray trained him well.

“Of course, Batboy,” Roy replies, “It’s not a Titans outing if Stray is fully dressed and everyone’s sober.”

Dick shrugs.

“You’ll have to get some real liquor in me if you want me to do anything like last time.”

“Last time?” Jason asks, looking to Donna for an answer. Dick snorts. You get near naked one time…

“Boy Blunder ended up in just his boxers in a dancing cage drunk of his ass. Everyone thought he was one of the strippers, and he made, what, three-hundred dollars in bills?”

“Five-hundred,” Dick replies proudly, offering the waitress a twenty as she came back with their drinks. “Keep the change, darlin’!” He adds with a wink.

She flushes, making Jason frown.

Stray, of course, notices this and elbows Jason.

“Don’t get jealous, Blue Jay, it’s not becoming.”

Jason does not blush. He doesn’t, and that’s the hill he will die on.

“I’m not. On an unrelated note, pass me a shot.”

Jason is the master of changing the subject, Stray thinks sarcastically, passing him a shot and downing one of his own.

“Five bucks says alley cat blacks out,” Roy says smugly as Dick makes a face, the way he always did with heavier liquors. He glares at the redhead, who shrugs unapologetically.

Donna eyes them both speculatively, taking a sip of her own drink.

“Twenty says he gives a lap dance before he blacks out.”

Roy snorts.

“I’ll take it,” and to Dick, “Don’t do it, for me.”

Dick bats his eyes innocently.

“Lil’ old me? I would never do something so…” He trails a finger down Roy’s chest, making him swallow roughly. “Scandalous.”

Donna grins victoriously as Roy groans, trying and failing to hide his excitement.

“I hate you. I hate you both.”

Tagging whoever sees this, I suppose?

#dcu #dick grayson #my writing #stray!dick

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hallie-fics · 4 years

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author spotlight - still_i_fall

He wants to forget how it felt to be hers for just one second.

- remember it’s all pretend @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right

one of the most prolific writers in the hallie fandom, @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right (still_i_fall) has graced us with classic after classic. i had an absolute blast talking with her, and hope you all enjoy the interview!

q&a

Hey! Thanks again for including me in this! Very excited to answer the questions. I love talking about myself.

Favorite of your stories (and why)

I almost got stuck on this question. I really want to say remember it’s all pretend because I am so incredibly proud of that one. It was the first multi chapter fic that I ever properly finished and I feel like that really means something to me. I also really love that concept, and how it was able to fit in slowburn and enemies to friends to lovers and mutual pining plus a million other little tropes. And, most of all, it was really fun to write. It happened really easily. It’s something I’ll go back to sometimes if I’m ever in the mood to reread my own work.

But I also love this new thing that I just wrote called i just wanna dance with you. I think if I can pull it off, it could be something really amazing. I was able to write the first chapter in about a week and had a ton of fun doing it. And I really love writing Harry’s pov and just switching things up a little. Ugh, I really love the idea of hallie meeting/knowing each other as little kids and I think that’s pretty apparent in these two fics.

Easiest story to write

I’ll stop the world (and melt with you) happened really quickly which I guess qualifies it as easy to write. I thought it’d be more difficult just because so much of it is dependent on canon which is something I’m not entirely used to, but it ended up going to fast. I think somewhere I still have a page of notes on that Prom episode and everything that happens to Allie and Harry. I really wanted to include pieces of dialogue from the show.

I also think it was because I used to do this thing when I was bored where I’d think about who I’d want to be trapped in a Groundhog day like loop with and what’d I’d do. It was just this recurring thought/ daydream I had when I was younger so it’s definitely a situation that I’ve thought through a little.

Hardest story to write

The taste, the touch, the way we love has been a pain in the ass to write right from the start. Sometimes it’s really fun, but I think I’ve been sticking way too close to the outline I drew at the very start and have been avoiding writing it for too long. Sometimes I absolutely love to write it and have the time of my life, and other times I hate it. There’s not much of an in between. Still definitely want to finish it. Just waiting on that final bit of inspiration.

Pre-writing process

I’m all about doing a full outline. Usually. With most longer fics (anything I think will be over 6,000 words), I do a full outline where I plan out the progression of the fic and specific scenes and pieces of dialogue. Usually, the plot hits me all at once and is usually the easiest part of the writing process for me. From that original outline, I usually have at least a few specific scenes fully planned out with pieces of dialogue and/or exposition. For example, for i’ll stop the world I started out the planning process with the introduction piece of the fic. That first paragraph is straight out of the note apps on my phone. A lot of the time it’ll end up being a bullet point list of main bits. I’ll use parentheses to specify the tone of a scene or little details and then use brackets for things that I want verbatim in the fic.

But sometimes I end up with very little pre-planning. The skating au is kinda the only good example of this. I only had the roughest of outlines for that one (how i wanted the first chapter to start and end) and everything else just came together as I tried to get from point A to point B.

What drew you to Hallie

The potential. They could have a really great story and I think that’s fun. There’s a lot of chemistry there and their dynamic is fun and, yeah, I think I’m a little too far in to get out now.

Favorite line (or lines)/ section you’re proud of

God, I have so many. Hope you don’t mind me going through them. It’s incredibly self indulgent but also gives me an excuse to go through my old works.

From the very first hallie fic I ever wrote, how you wish it would be all the time:

“And Harry's not perfect. He's not what she wanted before this all started or even really after, but everything's different now.”

Sometimes I forget about this fic, but I really shouldn’t cause there is a solid chance that this was my peak. And this line is really fun.

From we kiss and we keep busy:

“The stars may have moved a little bit, but they’re still there, and they still look the same, and that’s good enough for her.”

I promise I’m not going through every hallie fic I’ve ever written but god I love this line.

From i saved a picture where your hair was braided:

“It’s late nights and long talks and video games and cookie dough. It’s almost kisses, then definite kisses, and then not wanting to wake up anywhere but his bed. That’s how she starts to fall in love with Harry Bingham.”

Just that last part. That last line. The rest is just there for some fun context. Fun fact: this entire little mini fic was a desperate attempt to stave off writer's block and is based entirely around that single line in the song Donna by the lumineers. Still had a lot of fun with it, though.

From remember it’s all pretend:

“He wonders when she’ll realise that this hasn’t been pretend for him in years. Probably never. (He’d still run away with her.)”

“In the back of her mind, Allie wonders why she didn’t try harder to stay with Harry, why now she can only seem to fall in love in front of a camera where there’s the promise of pretend.”

“She likes to think that they’re still friends, that they’re just friends who don’t talk anymore, two people who drifted because one couldn’t handle the idea of change.”

This fic has a million little bits that I love. I could literally go on forever. It’s just full of that mutual pining angst that I live for.

From but i close my eyes and i’m somewhere else:

“She did not mention this earlier because she was trying desperately hard to ignore it, but fuck, she’s really missed him calling her Pressman.”

“She wonders if Cassandra has any travel sized neck pillows.”

This fic is surprisingly good seeing as I don’t remember writing it at all. I was very much high on some sort of flu medication while writing this and I think that explains a lot about this fic. It’s fun, though. I really love the tone.

From the taste, the touch, the way we love:

“She starts to feel like she couldn’t avoid Harry if she wanted to (and somehow, as the days turn into weeks, she finds herself not wanting to more and more).”

“There’s saltwater in her eyes, hair, and mouth. Harry’s leaning back in it, floating. She is too. The water is blue, and warm, and the sky is clear. Sometimes his hand will grab hers just to pull her closer. When she thinks of calm, of happiness, and vacation, she’ll think of this moment.”

“They’re quiet for a moment. Maggie Rogers can be heard in the background, faded and slow. Harry’s tapping his fingers along to it on the wheel, eyes staring straight ahead. The road is lined with trees, and it all feels like home.”

“For a half a second, she thinks she loves him. She pushes that away and watches him throw wrapping paper behind him dramatically. She pushes it away and she smiles and she laughs and she tries not to think too hard about what all of this means.”

This fic definitely has its moments. I’m really excited to get the last part done and out, though. I just feel like I’ve spent too long on this fic. I want it done.

From i just wanna dance with you:

“Allie met Harry the same day Cassandra did. It was early in the morning and she was four and now, when she looks back, all she can remember from the moment is the vague outline of wild hair and a smile so bright and wide and carefree that it really can’t be anyone else’s.”

“She tries to remember that she likes skating with Will, that there’s no point in wondering what it’d be like if things were just a little bit different.”

“She lied earlier; gold, silver, bronze, doesn’t matter. Harry always looks good.”

“The first time he ever placed first in a competition, she was skating with him. He wonders how long he’ll associate the feeling of a gold medal around his neck with her hand in his. He hopes it’s not long. “

I’m so excited to finish this fic like you guys don’t even understand. It’s really fun and it feels easy to write (so far; knock on wood) and I love the concept.

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read?

I only write au’s just because I think the rules are little different, everything’s just a little bit more relaxed. You’re allowed so much freedom when it’s a completely different universe and I really love that. I went through a phase recently where I was obsessed with canon divergence and this whole idea of a history of contingency. Just there being these points or moments where if one thing was just a little different, everything would’ve changed. I love that and I think that’s really apparent in my drafts/ unreleased wips.

I’ll read anything, though. Especially with the Hallie ao3 page being so small. I do definitely have a preference still towards au’s, though.

How long have you been writing

For forever. As a kid, I’d fill up entire notebooks with story ideas. It was my favorite thing to do. When I was twelve, a teacher complimented my writing, and I think that really stuck with me. It’s just something I’ve always enjoyed doing.

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received

Not really. A little bit with multi chapter stories just because I really want every chapter to be better than the last. I just really don’t want to disappoint anyone.

What’s the hardest part of writing for you

The middle bits. I usually have a very clear idea of the beginning and end so it’s everything in between that I have trouble with. I think that’s why I’m so big on outlining.

Do you ever get writer's block and how do you deal with it

Oh my god all the fucking time! Right now, for example. Usually, I just try to work through it, especially if I have a project in progress. I also do a lot of reading to try to force some sort of inspiration. A lot of what I write is based on what I’m reading. I’ll also listen to music. And, recently, I’ve been making mood boards for my fics which has been so much fun. I really like looking at pretty pictures.

Biggest risk you’ve taken as a writer

Lol I don’t really take risks. I think the riskiest thing I do is post the first chapter of a story with none of the second chapter started. I do that a lot.

Favorite Hallie trope

Reluctant friends to very good friends to lovers. Also, living together without establishing a clear relationship. I write that a lot. Mutual pining is always fun too.

Favorite Hallie headcanon

That Harry calls Allie ‘Pressman’ which forces Allie to call him ‘Bingham’. I just think there’s something so fun about calling someone by their last name. Plus, then you get that moment when the first name is used and that gets to be significant. Oh, also that they both swear like sailors, but that’s mostly self-insert on my part.

This felt very self indulgent, but I hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable for someone.

I am forever waiting to read whatever @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right writes next. It was great to see some of the behind the scenes and I would definitely recommend her latest release cities you’ll never see on screen.

#the society #hallie #author spotlight #in-my-head-i-do-everything-right #still_i_fall

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fallingin-like · 5 years

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november 30

one way or the other (or maybe neither) by @nakasomethingkun [requested by @foxsoulcourt and @sig66]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is an absolutely amazing exploration of neil’s sexuality and what it means within the context of his and andrew’s relationship. with the best description of demisexuality i have found in a fic, everybody needs to read this immediately.

i loved this so much, not just because i’m a fan of everything you write, but because how you portrayed neil in this. so much of what you wrote is something that i can relate to and i think that’s so significant because there is so little acespec representation out there.

parts that really stuck with me:

”neil had kept mum, and when he had been asked about his opinions, he had shrugged and said, ‘they’re both pretty good-looking, i guess.’” oh, this is a big mood

”the thing is, being called gay doesn’t bother him at all, it’s just - he doesn’t think it’s something that fits him correctly” !!!

”but his sexuality hasn’t been a concern for him” i think this is interesting, mostly because i wonder if it’s like this for a lot of people who identify as acespec. i definitely felt this way, always assuming that i would understand ‘when i get older’ and then just continuing to believe that eventually i would feel like that.

”the blow of his mother’s hands and the sting of her words had pummeled any sense of curiosity out of him, but he doesn’t think she extinguished his sexual desire. he thinks that he never had any in the first place” YES! YES! EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ THIS SENTENCES. this is so wonderful for so many reasons. it shows that his demisexuality isn’t one of the ways that his mother ‘broke him’. it demonstrates that sexuality is something intrinsic to somebody, not something that can be shaped and changed if someone tries hard enough. yes, you can ignore it or act against it, but it doesn’t change how you feel.

”the thing is, even with andrew, neil hadn’t initially thought about it in a sexual way” yeah

”and then he had realized how beautiful andrew is” this is so soft!!!

”the thing is, he can objectively tell who is pretty and who is good looking… he had a good long look at matt and nicky and a few other boys, just to see if he felt any semblance of attraction to them. he didn’t, and he still doesn’t. girls, too, he supposes, are nice to look at, but he doesn’t ever think about doing anything romantic or sexual with any of them” okay, sorry for copying basically the whole paragraph, but this is so perfect. to me, it feels like you’re really validating neil’s sexuality

”a metal tab bounces off his cheek” LOL I LOVE IT WHEN ANDREW DEMANDS NEIL’S ATTENTION

”he’s had enough of assuming a different identity and playing a fictional character, thank you very much” ohmygoodness NEIL

”andrew burrows his feet further under neil’s thighs, trying to leech off more warmth” THIS IS THE CUTEST SENTENCE THAT HAS EVER BEEN WRITTEN (also this is me in the winter anytime i sit next to someone)

”he’s still watching neil, slurping on his beer loudly, probably on purpose, because it gets neil to meet his gaze and arch an eyebrow in question” andrew likes to pretend he doesn’t care about things, but in reality, he’s so so curious and i love that neil is able to see past that haha

”neil counts it as a win; andrew can usually hold out in silence for much, much longer” andrew really cares about neil and it shows! he’s not as hesitant to hold back and expresses his opinion more often with him

”neil would have been able to keep calm if not for how andrew presses neil’s hand flat against his chest and lets go; a sign of trust. neil’s mind goes into overdrive” neil, straddling andrew: super calm, neil, being shown a sign of trust: spontaneously combusts from all the feelings

”this has become slower, much gentler - gentler than two people with so many jagged edges are supposed to be capable of” oh, this is so wonderful. i love the wording that you used

”but andrew’s heart beats steadily beneath neil’s palm, thud thud thud, and neil understands this, even if he doesn’t quite understand labels and sexual orientations and the concept of being attracted to other people” YES THIS IS WONDERFUL

”neil must have been quiet for too long, because he sees the bob of andrew’s throat as he swallows, hard, his jaw stiff” oh

”this, too, is something neil thinks about, how andrew lets him see these little shifts in his expressions, rare and almost undetectable as they are” aghhh seeing the growth in these boys? i feel like a proud mother

”suddenly curious and anxious” neil ;-;

“andrew admits, voice sedate” something about the words that you choose really guides me in how i read this sentence, i can better understand what is saying through his tone

”andrew himself isn’t unaffected; while his face remains unmoved, his hands are clenching and unclenching at neil’s sides” i don’t know, i just love it when we see andrew outwardly react to things. it’s so rare

“it’s one thing for neil to acknowledge how attuned he is to andrew and another for andrew to point it out” i love this sentence, and really the whole content of this conversation. neil is bringing up his insecurities and andrew is affirming him. saying that he believes him when so many people have denied him that. it means so much and i’m grateful for a fic that really takes the time to fully flush this out. i think that a lot of other fics ignore or only mention demiseuality in passing and that’s understandable (sometimes it’s not relevant to the plot to do more than acknowledge it and sometimes people just don’t know about the ace spectrum) but it’s so important to have this representation because there is a canonically demi character in the series!! that’s so huge

”andrew’s hand returns to his cheek, and he meets andrew’s eyes, moored” i love the word moored (or unmoored).

”the thing is, even though he likes the physical aspect of their relationship, there are times when he doesn’t like the heat tugging at the bottom of his belly, the manifestation of desire” this isn’t what my own experience is like, but it’s so interesting to see how other people feel, what kinds of experiences they have and i think this kind of knowledge is really valuable in understanding how people work and what motivates them

”if there is one thing about his mouth that he appreciates, aside from granting him the ability to verbally eviscerate his enemies” NEIL OH MY GOODNESS

”on the days that andrew can’t stand to be touched, neil is content to simply sit next to him” i feel like i’ve read things like this before, but i’ve never appreciated fully how neil’s sexuality complements andrew’s touch aversion in a way that shifts the dynamics of their relationship. andrew is allowed to be the one to initiate everything and that’s so so important to him

”i don’t understand how somebody could look at another person and say they’re hot, or that they would like to sleep with them if given the chance. it just doesn’t work that way for me” i do not think that i have ever fully related to a paragraph more than i relate to this one.

”there is a flicker in andrew’s expression, a water ripple” this is a beautiful sentence

”andrew empties out a shuddering breath. ‘it is the same for me,’ he says, so very quietly, like he is afraid… ‘i would not have done this with anybody else.’” I LOVE THIS. love the wording you used and the lack of contractions for andrew’s dialogue, it feels more impactful and changes the way that i read it. and i am so so invested in the idea of andrew being on the aro/ace spectrum, thank you for bringing this up!! (i personally think he might be demi-romantic, i can’t imagine him being able to easily form a relationship with anyone else given his intensity and his reluctance/difficulties trusting)... what are your thoughts?

having this fic review as my last one for this month feels really fitting to me. you’re definitely one of my favourite authors and i really enjoy everything that you write. in addition, you’re so so lovely and kind and sweet that i am so glad to have the chance to appreciate your writing.

this fic is intensely personal, for the characters, for you, and for me as a reader. there is so much still for me to learn, but to read this and see myself in the text, to realise that there are other people who feel the same way as i do about this topic? i can’t come close to describing how important it is, how it makes me feel. the book series is really close to my heart for many reasons, but a big one is because it introduced me to asexuality, and based on the interactions i’ve had, it has attracted many others like me. this fic is so special for me because it really articulates and clarifies neil’s sexuality in a way that the series didn’t. the insight that you provide is something i think everyone should be exposed to. it might make people more understanding and compassionate. there was a part that reminded me of something i read on aven that says “[demisexuality] is often mistaken as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation” and i think you did such a good job explaining this in this fic.

as with all of your writing, i love your characterization, the way that you have the characters move, speak, and interact. the descriptions that you use are beautiful. i think one of my favourite things about the way that you write is that every sentence has purpose. it’s all there to do something, whether it be describing the environment, setting the tone and atmosphere, displaying characters attitudes, personalities, and behaviours, or moving the plot along. i am definitely guilty of skim-reading a lot and come across a lot of content that contains what i consider to be superfluous sentences/words. but with your writing, i am always careful that i don’t miss a thing. there are so many little details that you include that add to the overall feeling that i experience while reading, but they’re not noticeable if you aren’t looking for them. i think that takes a lot of talent, but more importantly, a lot of skill. when you are able to produce writing that comes across as effortless, but you can’t quite pinpoint why? that’s something that i think is really special. anyway, thank you so much for writing this fic!!!

#one way or the other (or maybe neither)#aftg fic review #raelle writes

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loki-hargreeves · 5 years

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Loki x Reader - Secret Rendezvous

Summary: As a Prince, Loki isn’t really allowed to join plays in the common Asgardian theatre. Some rules aren’t to stop the god of mischief, who sneaks out to join you at practice. Only you knew the talented actor was actually Loki. The two of you share a passion for theatre and often end up in some tricky situations. Then one day, Loki doesn’t show up to rehearsals and you decide to find him. He never misses rehearsals. Author’s Note: Screw the Marvel canon! This is before Thor 1 and Loki is happy. That’s it, enjoy this and if you do, please leave some feedback. Thank you :D Word Count: 4,3K Warnings: fluff, angst, vulgar language, more fluff

Your POV

“William Shake-speare? Shakes-peare? Shak-es-peare?” Loki tried to read the name of the man whose name was on a black book he was holding. We were on a little trip down on Midgard and we ended up in a big, beautiful library here in England. We weren’t in our Asgardian wear, of course not. We blended in with our coats and other common Midgardian attire. No one suspected a thing when two Asgardian gods just walked in here. Honestly, Loki and I loved the thrill, perhaps he did more than me. Loki was my friend and a damn good actor - which only I knew about. He used magic to disguise himself as a whole other person when we were at the theatre.

That’s why we were here. We wondered what Midgardian plays were like and now we were between large bookshelves, scanning them in search for something mildly interesting. And I was just happy to spend more time with my favourite god...

“William Shakespeare... A midsummer night’s dream. Do you think it’s good?” I read the title out loud. Loki was looking at me with a sweet smile on his pale face. It was hard not to focus on his beauty instead of the plays. Honestly, it sounded intriguing but it was written by a mere mortal. How great could their imagination get? I wasn’t expecting much so I could get surprised.

Loki opened the page on which the first act was on. “I don’t know. I say we take it,” he suggested with a naughty little smile. Well, it wouldn’t be the first book we took with us as a souvenir from Midgard. Some would call it stealing, we considered it borrowing.

“I agree,” The words left my mouth quietly but you could hear the mischief in my voice. Something that Loki strengthened in me, definitely. With him, I had more fun than ever before. We found ways to bend the rules without necessarily breaking them. He brought excitement to my life and he told me I brought excitement to his. He was a prince and I was just an actress.

After an hour or two later, we got outside and asked Heimdall to bring us home. We didn’t bother using the secret loopholes between worlds that Loki had discovered because Heimdall probably knew about this already. Thankfully, for Loki, Heimdall didn’t have the right to tell Odin that his son was sneaking out every other night to the common folks’ theatre.

We were in Loki’s chambers now. People were busy making appointments with Thor and Odin because they had been discussing that perhaps it would be time for Thor to be king. It wasn’t written on paper yet but there were speculations. I could tell it bothered Loki but he hadn’t talked about it much. I wanted to take his mind elsewhere and so far, I believe I was doing an alright job. We had some snacks and tea here and all the books we ‘borrowed’. We had Romeo and Juliet, Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf, A Doll’s House and Betrayal - to name a few. Loki sat on his extravagant emerald green chair that had gold legs and small golden details all over the seat. I was on his bed because it was truly soft and comfortable. There was a pile of books on one of his desks. We were supposed to be practising our scenes for a play next moon. Truth be told, we remembered our lines well enough so we thought it would be alright to have some fun. Besides, practising at the royal palace wasn’t a good idea. No one could know Loki’s secret.

“I must admit, this is actually quite well-written,” Loki broke the silence that had lingered around us for a while. We both had our noses up in the books so it was easy for the silence to stay. His voice caught my attention and I placed my finger on the sentence I was reading so I could look up and not get lost. Once I set my eyes on Loki, I felt happy. He was truly focused on what he was reading so I had a little moment to just admire him. Could anyone get any more elegant? He was everything and a bit more. If only we could make our play embraces and love recitements reality.

“We should pay him a visit,” I said after a while. We had done such things before and it was fun. Messing with humans was probably not allowed but showing them something that wasn’t supposed to be was worth it. Their expressions were always priceless!

Loki finally faced me and it nearly caught me off guard. “We might as well bring flowers and light orbs, love,” he explained to me. “This was written in the 16th century. I doubt there is a 400-year-old man going by the name William Shakespeare there any more.”

Right. It wasn’t 1597 on Midgard anymore. I believe they were already at 2000-something. “Oh, I always forget how short their lives can be.”

“It’s humanity’s true tragedy, wouldn’t you say?” Loki played with theatrical words which made me roll my eyes playfully. He always knew what to say.

“Perhaps. But longevity can be a curse too.”

“Just like in our play,” Loki caught my hints. The play we were in was a tragedy about an Asgardian who was in love with a Midgardian. Loki actually has the part of the Asgardian man who is cursed to live thousands of years and I have the part of the woman who only lives a segment of her lover’s life. Loki had to play a part even at practice. He was disguised as a ginger Asgardian and he called himself Yormar Leifson.

“Which reminds me of, don’t we have rehearsals tomorrow?” I pondered as the thought surfaced in my mind.

Loki nodded, “At noon. We’re finally getting the costumes fitted.”

“I can’t wait!”

Next day at noon, I found myself at the street corner where I was supposed to meet with Loki. People were passing by from every direction and some stopped to say hello. That was nice, especially when they recognized me from my plays. Most Asgardians were nice, happy people. I didn’t mind chatting but I was a bit tense because Loki wasn’t here.

I just waited and waited...and waited, until we were twenty minutes late. It was probably not a big deal, but Loki never missed rehearsals, let alone arrived this late. It would still take five minutes from here to the theatre. Gosh, I already knew we would be yelled at for being late. Oh, Loki, what was he up to now?

Screw this, I thought. I knew I had to find Loki, even if it meant we missed rehearsals and costume fitting. Sure, we had the lead roles but they could do just fine without us - for now.

By using my magic, I got to the palace much quicker. I used teleportation which Loki had taught me. I wasn’t that good at it but I got there much quicker than what I would’ve by walking, and in one piece! The guard recognized me and allowed me to go inside. Although I could’ve found Loki’s chambers easily by myself, a guard walked me there for safety reasons, making sure the prince wanted guests and that I wasn’t there as a bothering pest. We arrived behind his door and the guard knocked on it before speaking up, “Prince Loki, you have a guest.”

It was quiet for a while. Then all of a sudden, the door appeared to be underneath a green film of magic and it opened, revealing a dark room. Why didn’t he have any lights in there? It seemed gloomy. I wasn’t sure what it was but my gut told me something was really off. I hoped he was good, that he just forgot but I knew it wasn’t like him.

“Who is it?” Loki called out almost angrily.

“It’s me, Loki!” I made my presence clear, probably annoying the guard but I couldn’t care less.

Silence.

The few moments were enough to make my heart beat harder and my palms to get sweaty. What if he told me to leave? I couldn’t just barge in there with the guard next to me. I would probably be banned from the palace!

“Come in.”

Thank gods!

The guard nodded and let me off the hook, walking away as I entered the room. Before I could close the door myself, Loki did so with his magic. Once the door was shut and the green glimmer of his magic vanished, it was dark again. Frankly, it took me a moment to get used to the dark, but when I did, I saw Loki standing by his window that was covered by a heavy, emerald green curtain. He didn’t face me. I saw his soft, raven black hair resting on his back and shoulders softly. It had grown a lot lately and it began to curl up at the ends. He was wearing his green cape with his black casual outfit with some pieces of his golden armour. Of course, his presence was majestic but I sensed that something was wrong. He tried to hide his feelings from me by not even looking into my eyes. Was he ashamed?

“Loki, are you alright?” I began with a stupid question because obviously, he wasn’t alright. By now, I felt like I had already pushed his buttons and I was jittery, but I wasn’t going to ignore him if he was hurting.

“It’s true, Y/N,” Loki told me with a low voice. It only raised even more questions. What in Valhalla was he talking about?

“What’s true?” I pushed him a little bit in ought for answers. Slowly but surely, I walked closer to him. As I did, I saw the side of his face. His cheeks were flushed, almost like he had been either yelling out of anger or even crying. He turned around and looked at me, revealing what I feared. His beautiful eyes, a mixture of green and blue, were glossy and full of broken veins. Something or someone had truly resented him. Seeing him like that hurt because I wanted him to be happy. Loki had gone through enough. I wanted to do everything in my power to wipe away those dried tears.

“Thor...he’s- our father is making him king,” Loki let me know what was upsetting him. The second I heard his brother’s name, I already knew. My heart sunk and I genuinely felt bad for Loki for numerous reasons. I couldn’t imagine how hopeless he felt right now and I understood very well why he hadn’t shown up earlier. Loki had fought ten times harder than Thor to prove his worthiness but Thor was still ahead of him - for reasons unknown!

“Oh, Loki-” I attempted to speak so I could comfort him, but he wasn’t in the mood for that quite yet.

All of a sudden, that sadness morphed into rage. “He doesn’t want to be king!” Loki yelled, probably loud enough for it to carry further than his chambers. It surprised me but I wasn’t startled. I expected him to let out all those bottled up emotions sooner or later and I was happy to be here for him. Once he had yelled, spat and hissed enough, he would need a shoulder to lean on. Sure, seeing him like this made my heart ache. I couldn’t understand why he was left in the shadows. Loki was a great prince, intelligent too. No one saw that.

“That buffoon only knows how to fight wars and other nonsense things. What does he truly know about ruling? Planning battles? He just sees the enemy and flies towards it, head first like a fool!” Loki continued complaining, his voice staying loud as he trashed his brother’s name. At the end of the day, Loki spoke the truth. No one could claim those statements to be lies, no one. Although Loki didn’t say it, I knew he was thinking about it. He probably thought people saw him as someone even worse. I wish I knew how to convince him and the people of his greatness.

“All my life, Odin had told me that one of us will be king. I don’t understand why he’d choose Thor, a warrior, not a king. Am I really that worthless to him? Does he truly not see that I am at least just as alright as the mighty son of Odin? Or am I actually the prince living in Thor’s shadow?” Loki pondered deeply and stopped yelling. His emotions began to surface more and he hurried to face away from me again. He didn’t want me to see his face when he struggled to keep it straight.

My heart hurt in my chest. How could I let Loki believe he was less great than Thor? It was so wrong that anyone would believe that but the sad truth was that Asgard did forget about the other Prince quite often. I could never. Words were spinning around my mind but I couldn’t find the right ones in the heat of the moment, so I closed the distance between us and put my hand on Loki’s shoulder gently, attracting his attention. He was breathing heavily and all his muscles were tense. He froze when I touched him but he didn’t push me away. After a while, he sighed and relaxed a little bit, allowing me to wrap my arms around his waist. Loki didn’t mind it when I hugged him and nuzzled my face against his chest so I could hear his untamed heartbeat. Soon enough, I felt his arms safely around me and he leaned against my body a little bit, seeking comfort. Holding him felt good but now I had to make him feel better, one way or another. I wanted to do that.

My hands drew simple patterns on his back, underneath his cape that was now around me too, thanks to him hugging me. It was a nice warm contrast against Loki’s cool body. “People don’t know just how great you truly are. It’s a shame, Loki. I wish I could enlighten them but sadly, the gullible, hot-headed fools tend to gain the attention of those who only look at the surface.”

“I wish our father could see us as equals, if no one else, at least him. It’s all I bargain for,” Loki whispered to me quietly. These words were familiar to me. During our long friendship, I had heard this so many times but now I heard the rawest emotions of it. Loki was heartbroken and no one could see that. I held him a little tighter. I noticed that Loki’s body was trembling slightly. He was trying to hold himself together so desperately but I could literally feel him crumbling in my arms. I didn’t wish to push him but I knew he had to experience and deal with these bags of pain.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’ve ruined rehearsals and loathed in self-pity, I..I just-”

“Loki, don’t worry about. Hey-” I stopped so I could look at his face. He had a few silent tears on his cheeks which made him the opposite of the picture he put up of himself; he was vulnerable with me. “It’s alright,” I promised him. It’s like those two words were like music to his ears. He bit his lips together and had to sit down on a couch near his fireplace, dragging me with him. As I sat down comfortably, Loki just melted into me. He put his weary head on my lap and allowed me to play with his hair - which I had learned calmed him down. His arm was draped over my lap and his fingertips reached my ankles. Slowly but surely, I felt him relax. He stopped quivering and he breathed slowly, relaxing his muscles with each breath. We were surrounded by a comfortable silence which I assumed he needed right now.

“What have I done to deserve you, Y/N? Why do you stick with me even when I throw these tantrums? Even when you know how restricting my life can be,” Loki wondered. He had time to think of this and now he sought answers. Before I could answer, he sat up straight and really looked at me, as if he was studying me. I just smiled.

“Loki, you’re perfect just the way you are. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend,” I admitted to him. Yes, he was my best friend but I wanted more, so saying it was always slightly uneasy for me. It was a reminder that we were just that, friends, but we could be so much more. I always assumed that we had been friends for so long that any chances of us ending up together were already up in ashes. He needed me as a friend and if it made him happy, so be it.

Loki’s eyes narrowed. I could tell he wanted to say something but he was holding back. Then he let out a frustrated sigh.

“You believe in me when no one else does. Thank you for that, truly. I don’t know where I would be without you,” Loki admitted and finally cracked a smile that honestly lit up my world.

“That’s what friends are for, right?”

Loki chuckled now, hiding all traces from his meltdown. “More like partners in crime, I think,” he corrected me. Partners in crime, I loved that. It didn’t have the word friend which was a reminder of reality to me. Besides, partners in crime sounded much better.

“That’s more like it,” I chirped and playfully tapped his shoulder. Loki grabbed my wrist gently before I could pull it away and his touch sent shivers down my spine.

What was he doing?

He noticed what he did and let go, looking at my hand for a while as he seemingly fell into his thoughts again.

“Don’t you think partners sounds, well, rather astonishing?” Loki asked me out of the blue. It’s like someone turned on a switch on him and he got courage from somewhere. I didn’t want my mind to go to different realms but what else could he be hinting?

“What are you saying?”

Loki locked his eyes with mine and I swear to the gods in Valhalla his gaze was warm, inviting, loving. He still had flushed, rosy cheeks from earlier but now he smiled. He was so calm, like the calm after a storm. “Be mine, Y/N. You’re my rock, my best friend, my partner in crime. I know it might be wrong but when I look back to my good and bad days, I see you. I might be pushing it but I honestly think we could do this partnership, don’t you?”

My heart jumped to my throat and I could feel the heat on my cheeks radiating.

I studied Loki’s face and I genuinely couldn’t see a sign of regret. He meant every word he said. I don’t know what made him reveal that now but whatever it was, I was happy about it.

That’s when I nearly pinched myself to see if I was awake or asleep. Did Loki just say all that?

“Loki, are you for real?” I had to be sure, although I doubted he’d pull a trick this mean on me.

“Would I lie to you?” That was a very good point. As the god of mischief and lies, Loki did his best to be honest with me at all times. He even told me about his actor disguise when he started it because he went to the same theatre as me. “There’s no one else I can picture myself with through the hardest times and the good ones. I’ve liked you for a while now, I understand if this seems rushed-”

I couldn’t let him loathe in self-doubt anymore. The courage it took for him to say that must’ve been great and he was probably growing nervous. To convince him I was on the same page, I decided to let my actions speak louder than words. Loki saw it coming as I neared him. Gently, I grabbed his perfectly sculpted face and stopped as our noses brushed against one another’s. Loki drew in his breath and I felt how he touched my waist, carefully, as if I was a flower. Then we kissed which was something I felt we both had wanted for years. The moment our lips moulded together like liquid gold and magic, I forgot about the world around us. There was only me, him and the sparkling sensation pulsing throughout our bodies from the passionate, long-awaited kiss.

“We’re not supposed to be together, my love!” Azeyn,, the character Loki was playing, said right into my face with raw desperation and pain in his voice. We were on stage in front of a full theatre on opening night. Our play was reaching its peak and I could feel how everyone’s attention was on us. Even our co-actors’ gazes lingered on us either from on stage or backstage.

“But we’re meant to be! Can’t you see? They can try to pry us apart as much as they want but they can never separate our hearts!” I replied, mimicking the pain in his voice but I tried to sound hopeful. Our characters, Azeyn and Olivia, were in the middle of a war. The Asgardian soldiers, including Azeyn, were on Midgard to defend humanity from frost giants. Azeyn and Olivia met in battle because he had to save her from danger. Now the battle was frozen: the Midgardians, the Asgardians and the Jotuns were watching as the two were fighting for their love. The Asgardians didn’t want them to be together, the Midgardians were in shock and the Jotuns tried to cheer them on. It was up to our characters to mould their destiny, which could be happy and shortlived, or tragic without each other. Although we were acting, I had tears in my eyes. This play meant a lot to us.

“Time is our enemy. We can forget our people’s opinions but nevertheless, in a few decades, which is all eternity for you but only a moment for me, we will be separated!” Azeyn explained which made the play even more tragic.

I walked closer to him and grabbed his wrists, making him drop his sword. Our eyes locked. It reminded me of our kiss we shared a while ago, only Loki was in his disguise as a cute ginger warrior.

“Would you rather live your entire life without me or be happy during the time we have together? Each second we spend debating our future, we lose of the time we could enjoy, the time we should use for loving!”

Azeyn sighed and gave me a painful yet longing gaze.

This was it.

The moment that would make the play a tragedy

with a happy ending

“I know it’s against others’ wishes but I must put my own first. I’d choose a second with you over a decade without you. I love you, Olivia,” He revealed dramatically and proceeded to cup my face. I had fake blood on my cheek that transferred onto his palm and it spread as he touched me, which was intended to make this kiss dramatic, raw yet hopeful. We were bloody, tired and left alone but we still had each other.

Then we kissed. Little did the audience know the passion was real. Loki’s lips felt like heaven on mine and I knew it looked too good to be true. I heard cheering all around us. People were happy with the end result.

Our lips stayed together for a bit too long. As we parted, Loki looked at me. I knew it was time for us to turn around and bow and curtsy to the audience but for some reason, it felt impossible to look away from him. It’s like we had actually just experienced the things our characters did. Now we were just looking at each other, as if we had fallen into a trance, in front of thousands of Asgardians, even Loki’s family that were invited as guests.

“Oh, to hell with it,” Loki whispered so quietly that I only heard him.

“What?” I pardoned, confused by his behaviour. That’s when he did something I never could’ve foreseen. Loki lifted his magic, transforming into his true self. The ginger hair turned back to raven black, his skin got paler, his true features popped out again. He was completely, fully himself, in front of everyone. Loki just revealed his big secret and I was in shock. But damn, I was proud of him. He was himself for once and it was a big ‘screw you’ to the rules that had led him into a disguise in the first place. Now Asgard knew that their prince was a brilliant actor. If I wasn’t so shocked, I would’ve probably noticed the silence and few gasps from the people in the first row.

“I love you, Y/N,” Loki confessed to me and returned to my lips. My heart was racing in my chest and I could almost feel the adrenaline and dopamine in my system. It was almost overwhelming in all the good ways! Loki’s bold attitude was contagious and I didn’t hesitate as I kissed him back just as fiercely. Our true kiss made the audience erupt into a new fit of cheers. I could only picture Odin’s face now. If Loki’s lips wouldn’t have been so addictive, I would’ve turned to look, but I preferred to smooch him in front of the people to show that we were a thing.

Once we parted and people were applauding both the play and Loki’s big reveal, I smiled at him. “I love you too, Loki.”

“Let all of Asgard know that.”

Author’s Note: I obviously write fluff-ish stuff rarely but I tried! This was heavily inspired by Shakespeare and norse mythology. In this fic, I tried to bring forward a more vulnerable Loki, before Thor 1 when he was still kind of hopeful and a bit more innocent.

If you liked it, I would love to hear your feedback! Thank you <3

#Loki #Loki fanfiction #Loki x Reader #Loki x You #Loki X Y/N #Loki imagine #Loki Odinson Imagine #Loki Laufeyson Imagine #Loki Laufeyson x Reader

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absolxguardian · 4 years

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In Which I Hit the Concept of Force Dyads With a Hammer Until They Work (A canon complaint fix)

Here’s my canon complaint fix-it for one part of TROS- the Force Dyads and Kylo Ren’s redemption. This is a Watsonian explanation for that part of the film that should make canon more enjoyable for people with similar tastes in stories to me. This reinterpretation is anti-Bendemption, agrees with Kreia regarding the Cosmic Force (“I hate the Force, I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance when countless lives are lost”), and features tropes I’m a fan of. It accepts every detail canon has given us and uses them as a sandbox to (in my opinion) make a better version of the story. Except for the R/ylo kiss at the end. That’s just flat out ignored, since doing so doesn’t require a massive restructuring of the film. If this isn’t the kind of thing you’d like, then keep scrolling. As for everyone else, let’s begin.

Rather than structuring this post by following the film and jumping back to explain the changes, I’ve structured it in an order that introduces concepts as they build off each other until we get to the actual fixing.. I’d also like to thank my mom for assuming that the only way Kylo Ren could be “redeemed” was through possession and therefore planting the seed of this idea.

If there’s evidence for an idea, I’ll include it. Otherwise if I plainly state a new fact, it’s just my headcanon.

I. BALANCE

I think part of the reason why actually understanding the Force is hard, resulting in both fans and authors talking themselves into circles is that there are actually multiple forms of balance regarding the Force.

1. Natural Balance

“Breathe,” [Luke] said. “Just breathe. Now reach out with your feelings. What do you see?” [....] [Rey’s] first impression was life—life all around her. She could sense herself, and the Caretakers pottering about near the huts, but there was so much more than that. She felt the presence of flowers and grasses and shrubs. Birds and insects and fish, and creatures too tiny for the eye to see. Her awareness of all of it seemed to crowd her senses, plunging her into something so deep and intense that for a moment she thought she might drown in it, only to realize that was impossible, because she was a part of that life. But there was death, too—and decay. Dead flesh and vegetable matter, sinking into soil that hid bones and dry sticks from bygone seasons of the island. She shrank from this new awareness, but sensed almost immediately that there was nothing to fear. From the death and decay sprang new life, nourished by what had come before. She could feel the warmth of the suns—not just on her face but on the rocks and the surface of the ceaseless tumble of the water. And cold, too, which surrounded the dark places where the roots of the island and the seafloor were revealed as one and the same. There was peace—mother porgs with their eggs, sheltered and safe in warm hollows—but also violence that left behind broken nests and shattered shells. And all that her senses showed her had been but a moment. That moment was but one of trillions, part of a never-ending cycle that had begun eons before she was born and would go on for eons after she was dead. And it was itself part of something vastly larger, so enormous that her mind couldn’t grasp it, an immensity even the stars were but the tiniest portion of. -The Last Jedi Novelization

Natural balance is the Living Force is ecological balance. It’s the food chain properly aligned. It’s rotation cropping. It’s the cycles of life and death that exist on a planet. The cycles, that while they may result in short term destruction, are better for all life forms in the long run. It’s the connection between all living things, and the expression of the Living Force. It is also homeostasis, the balance inside us that we need to exist. The tested machine that most bodies are.

This isn’t a balance for sapient beings. There is nothing immoral about a predator who kills its prey. It is immoral to commit murder. The only reason the Empire disrupted this balance was because of their rampant exploitation and destruction of environments such as Lothal. It is an unforgiving balance, but the basis of all life.

Dume is an expression and protector of this balance. He wanted the Empire gone because that was the only way Lothal, and many other planets, could have their Natural Balance.

2. Personal Balance

“But you’re finding the balance, without even meaning to. You’re finding the place that’s level.” On the desk was a clear glass filled halfway with milk. [Maz] picked it up and showed it to him. “Do you see where the surface lies? If I tip the glass to the left, the surface tips high to the left and low to the right. And the reverse, when I tip it the other way. But if I hold it still—even if I swish it a little first, like this!—you watch, and it’ll…settle. It soon finds its level. Its balance. You’re doing the very same thing, though I’m sure you couldn’t explain it if I tried to force you.” [...] The room went white, and then it went black, and [Karr] fluttered his eyes trying to find the balance. He pictured the glass half full of milk. He imagined it sloshing around, back and forth, light to dark and back again. He thought of the surface, level and smooth. [...] Finding a place in the middle. Finding his balance. -Force Collector

This is the balance characters mean when they talk about finding your balance. It’s emotional balance, and balance between the Force and Not The Force. It’s the puesdo-zen thing. It’s what Jedi meditate to achieve.

It’s less of a balance between things, and more like the balance on a tightrope. Or the balance that Tiffany Aching must learn in the Discworld series to cast spells. Tiffany has to be balanced in the world and let magic flow through her without controlling it, just directing it. She must be like the fulcrum of a scale.

In the case of the Force, if you lose your balance you fall into the Dark Side- something I see as More Force. But if you are careful, you can play among the edges. The equivalent of going faster on the tightrope and using the disruption of the line. To continue this metaphor, the Jedi Order we see in the Republic is the equivalent of when you are so concerned about keeping balance that you don’t move down the tightrope itself.

It’s also the balance one needs in their personal life to remain healthy. These first two types of balance are also ones that find expression in our own world. When the Jedi give good psychological advice, like accepting what can’t be changed, considered thought about the greater good, and moving on from the dead- what they’re advocating promotes Personal Balance

3. Cosmic Balance

Kreia: “I hate the Force, I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance when countless lives are lost” -Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

“Let’s say I do,” Rael answered. “Let’s say I believe that someday there’s going to be perfect balance in the Force, thanks to some kinda ‘Chosen One.’ Did you ever really think about what that would mean, Qui-Gon? It would mean the darkness would be just as strong as the light. So it doesn’t matter what we do, because in the end, hey, it’s a tie! It doesn’t matter which side we choose.” -Master and Apprentice

I’m not considering Rael as a reliable narrator, but his speech expresses a common idea a lot of fans have regarding balance in the Force, so it seemed like a good opener. While Kreia’s famous line is basically the philosophy that I’m following here.

When characters talk about “bringing balance to the Force”, they’re talking about Cosmic Balance. So how am I defining it? There are two scenarios that bring about balance- when neither a dark side or a light side organization controls the galaxy or when a dark side and a light side organization are of similar power levels. So during the prequel era? Force is unbalanced. It’s too stagnant. During the reign of the Empire? Likewise unbalanced. The number of light and dark side users may be roughly similar, but the Sith control the galactic government while hunting the Jedi. Between the OT and the ST? Actually balanced. No Force order exerts a large amount of influence on the galaxy. Something like the setting for Star Wars The Old Republic where both the Sith and Jedi have their own powerful states? Also balanced.

So why? Well I haven’t entirely decided on a reason. This definition of balance comes from the Cosmic Force, which while not evil, isn’t good either. It has some purpose beyond the understanding mortals. But that’s the cosmic dance that the galaxy keeps getting thrown into without concern for any kind of morality. It’s just it’s nature. The nature of an eldritch being. That’s the will of the Force. It seems fitting that not even me, the author, knows why that is its nature.

II. THE CHOSEN ONE PROPHECY “A Chosen One shall come, born of no father, and through him will ultimate balance in the Force be restored.” -An ancient Jedi prophecy (Master and Apprentice)

The Father, to Anakin: “And now you see who you truly are. Only the Chosen One could tame both of my children.” -The Clone Wars (S3E15 Overlords)

This is what we know of the Chosen One prophecy. There have been different readings of it, but I think now that we have the actual text of the prophecy and the fact that Anakin was able to control both of the Ones, it has to be him.

So how does he do so? Well during the PT there are two seperate conflicts from which balance can come from. The first is the conflict between the Ones, pure unadulterated expressions of the Force (more on that later). And then the galactic conflict, on a less reality shattering scale.

Anakin brings balance to both of those conflicts through destruction. By the end of the Mortis arc, all of the Ones are dead- with Ahsoka carrying the spirit of The Daughter. And he eventually balances the galactic conflict by creating a scenario with both a diminished Sith and Jedi order.

As part of the fact that the Cosmic Force is so far removed from us, it doesn’t care about how the galaxy is actually being ruled. If the Empire wasn’t led by dark side users, then there would still be Cosmic Balance.

Shortly after Vader yeets Palpatine, the Cosmic Force falls “asleep.” This has to happen after the party on Endor, because Force Ghosts are expressions of the Cosmic Force (that’s why you shouldn’t trust them), so it obviously isn’t a binary flicking of a switch.

That aspect of the Force—the Jedi had called it the living Force—was ceaseless and ever-renewing. But the Jedi had spoken of another aspect—the Cosmic Force. It had an awareness, and a purpose, and a will. A will that had been silent, dormant after the demise of the Sith, only to wake once again during Luke’s exile. A will that Luke finally allowed himself to acknowledge once again. -The Last Jedi Novelization

So achieving balance through destruction of the expression of both the Light and the Dark wipes the slate clean to begin again. This current story- this current cycle, is over. The Chosen One prophecy has been fulfilled, and so now the Cosmic Force must slumber until the stage is once again set.

IV. THE ONES

The Father: “You cannot imagine what it is to have such love for your children, and realize they could tear the very fabric of the universe. [...] A family in balance, the light and the dark. Day with night. Destruction replaced by creation. [...] Too much dark or light would be the undoing of life as you understand it.” -The Clone Wars (S3E15 Overlords)

But before we can move onto the last cycle, I need to expand on the Ones. The Son and The Daughter are pure expressions of the Force- all of it: Cosmic, Living, and in between. Their conflict also expresses Personal Balance on an external stage. They leave such big imprints in the Force that they can disrupt the Personal and Natural Balances of the galaxy itself, which is The Father’s worry.

They are also somehow related to time and The World Between Worlds. Since they’re part of the Cosmic Force, which is partially time neutral (From a Certain Point of View stories Master and Apprentice and Time of Death), that makes sense.

Sometimes they go dormant and exist purely in the Cosmic Force. Other times they embody themselves inside mortal beings. What we see in the Mortis arc is when they embody themselves in the physical world without a mortal shell. That is when they’re at the most powerful. When they are in equally matched conflict, Cosmic Balance is achieved.

The Father was once a Chosen One. When he was mortal, the Son and Daughter battled openly in the physical world, leaving destruction in their wake. As the Chosen One, he could control them. By fully embracing his full potential, he became a Force-God, but one whose power could wane and wouldn’t be reborn in the same way as his metaphorical children. That’s how he can say he’s dying in the Mortis arc. He exiled the three of them to Mortis, so the children could carry out their conflict separate from the galaxy and stay in balance.

He’s what Anakin could have become if he remained on Mortis instead of killing the incarnations of the Ones. Except Anakin never would have. Force prophecies are like prophecies in Greek mythology, they always come true, just rarely how you’d expect. The Cosmic Force uses visions, prophecies, and even Force Ghosts to manipulate people to fulfill their goals. People still have free will, but it’s basically impossible to outsmart a being who can already see the impact of all of its actions and plan accordingly. It only gives prophecies and visions in the precise way that will make them become self fulfilling, to carry out its unknowable goals.

Ahsoka is an embodiment of the Daughter, but that’s a divergence from the cycle. She doesn’t have a Son to compliment her. Without knowing what Ahsoka does after Rebels, I can’t write how the Cosmic Force accounts for this aberration.

Ahsoka doesn’t understand her divine importance the way The Daughter did, but even The Daughter wasn’t plugged into the Cosmic Force’s actual will. Nothing, no embodiment of the Force, ever is. Ahsoka has powers beyond her understanding and control, but she used them to influence the World Between Worlds to save her.

V. AND THUS, THE STORY

Kylo Ren sensed her before he saw her. As he flew his TIE whisper along the flat desert, she was a bright presence in his mind, practically glowing with determination and ferocity. Something odd pulled at his chest. It was the same feeling he’d had when he’d faced his father for the last time, when he’d made the decision to kill Han Solo. You had to kill the past, yes, but you had to kill the light, too, to fully claim the darkness. He finally understood. Han Solo was his past. But Rey was his light. That’s why Kylo was still in agony. That’s why he couldn’t shake the memory of his father’s hand against his cheek, of those eyes full of love and understanding. Kylo hadn’t yet destroyed his light. Maybe the Emperor was right. She needed to die. That, or he needed to kill the light in her. -The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

So now that we’ve set up all the concepts, we can get to the actual fixing of the Dyads. If you couldn’t guess from what I’ve been focusing on, being Force Dyads actually just means that Rey is the embodiment of The Daughter and Kylo Ren The embodiment of the Son. While to us, TROS is the end of the Skywalker saga, to the Cosmic Force, the previous cycle involved Anakin and went from before the PT to ROTJ. A new cycle begins for the Force at TFA.

That’s why Kylo is obsessed with Rey, either killing her (and returning the Daughter to domancy) or by turning her to the Dark Side. That is how he must express the conflict of The Ones.

The standard definition of a dyad is something made up of two parts. Not a matched pair, but a single entity. That’s what The Ones are. If one of their mortal embodiments turned the other to their side, that aspect of The Ones would have reached out and overpowered the other.

There is one line in the novelization that’s doesn’t quite work with this reading:

[Palpatine] tried to create a dyad with Anakin, as his master had tried to create one with him. The Rule of Two, a Master always in desperate search of a yet more powerful apprentice, was a pale imitation, an unworthy but necessary successor to the older, purer doctrine of the Dyad. -The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

But don’t worry! I do have an explanation! Palpatine’s just an unreliable narrator. Some previous Sith had gleaned something about the actual dyad system and interpreted incorrectly from there. He can sense that Kylo and Rey make a true Dyad together, but he has no idea what that entails.

So when did Kylo and Rey become the Son and Daughter? Well this wouldn’t be much of an anti-Bendemption reading if he was forced to the Dark Side by the Son. We know that the Force woke up when Kylo Ren fell (A will that had been silent, dormant after the demise of the Sith, only to wake once again during Luke’s exile), but that’s just the Force getting ready because now a new cycle is beginning.

Kylo and Rey become embodiments of the Ones right when TFA began. That’s how everyone is talking about some aspect of the Cosmic Force being awake then, even when it supposedly woke up six years ago.

The Force chose who would act out the roles of the Ones, fighting each other, deciding the fate of the galaxy, and one of their eventual destruction by who was in the most suitable situation at the time. Kylo and Rey both already had high levels of potential in the Force and their own destinies. They were also both in the right place to come into conflict and were aligned to the right sides. So they were chosen, for the extent of any amount of chronology you can put onto the Cosmic Force.

What happened to Ahsoka to free up the Daughter’s spirit? I don’t know. TROS already implied that she’s dead with her showing up as the one of the past Jedi, but I don’t like confronting that idea. Maybe she surrendered the spirit? Or an embodiment of the Cosmic Force took it from her? Maybe she lost it when the Force fell asleep anyway? But the fact she was likewise once an avatar of the Daughter is why Rey can hear her voice. Because she wasn’t a Jedi when she died, her rejecting the Order is pretty important to the arc. And Rey wasn’t channeling all the light side users that came before her, just Jedi. And Ahsoka because of their connection, whether or not our favorite Togruta is still alive then.

So that is how Rey and Kylo are connected, and why they each have the unwavering belief that they can turn the other. They could just kill the other, but that would be a less satisfying end to the conflict. If they, as people, could beat the other in a battle of wills and push out the other One, that’s a more satisfactory ending. Hence:

With this realization came another certainty, even more gut wrenching: [Kylo] was relieved he hadn’t killed [Rey].

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

Basically every kind of R/ylo-y sounding piece of narration is explained because they have a different kind of connection between each other. It’s less soulmates and more Gannandorf vs Link. Which is why it entails Kylo torturing Rey and her friends.

Speaking of her friends, Finn is even more heavily implied to be Force sensitive in the novelization than he already was. And he has this piece of narration:

No one quite understood [Finn’s] single-minded devotion to Rey, except maybe Leia. Even Rose—though she accepted it—thought it was a bit strange. But it wasn’t strange at all. Rey was Finn’s friend, yes, but she was also important. He sensed it. It was that same undeniable feeling he’d told Jannah about. If anything happened to Rey, the Resistance didn’t stand a chance.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

Finn already gives me the vibe that he’d be a Jedi Consular in the old Legends system, so it fits that he can vaguely sense Rey’s importance in the Force.

Now, up until that scene in TROS, Rey and Kylo aren’t being possessed by The Ones. The only influence it is having on their thoughts is that it connects them together and causes Rey to believe that there is still hope for Kylo after his many many second chances.

When Leia sacrifices herself to distract Kylo, that’s what she’s intending to do. Leia still loves Kylo, she can’t help herself. But she isn’t the kind of person who gets consumed by personal concerns. So she plans to use her misguided love for good, to distract Kylo in the right moment so that Rey could kill him.

And Rey almost does. But she’s influenced by the spirit of the Daughter. So she heals Kylo, but that’s not all she’s doing. As she’s channeling her life energy into Kylo, she’s also channeling her will and the spirit of The Daughter. With that, Rey unknowingly possesses Kylo Ren and forces him back to the Light Side.

When Kylo has his vision of Han, that’s his brain representing this new influence on him. Rey doesn’t have direct control over Kylo. She doesn’t even have any idea that this happened, but she forces Kylo’s goals to align with hers.

[Ben] blasted them easily, one shot for every kill. Not long ago, he would have taken pleasure in this, but now he had only one consuming desire: Help Rey.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

And now it is time for the Cosmic Force to lie! Basically, everything that Luke tells Rey at Ach-To is actually the Cosmic Force using his consciousness (see the post I linked earlier about how connected Force Ghosts are to the Cosmic Force). I feel like one of the Cosmic Force’s motivations has to be making sure that the only way to cheat death is through becoming a Force Ghost. This works with how George says that the only way to truly transcend the need to die is to let go and become a Force Ghost. All Must Eventually Return To It. A dark side shade like the Nightsister’s magicks or the Enchantress’ spirit in The Mighty Chewbacca in The Forest of Fear is ok. But Palpatine survived by mastering the whole “consciousness transfer into the clone” power he had in legends:

His body was dead, an empty vessel, long before it found the bottom of the shaft, and his mind jolted to new awareness in a new body—a painful one, a temporary one.

-The Rise of Skywalker Noveliation

And that’s not allowed. So the Cosmic Force wants Palpatine permanently destroyed, even if it means this cycle lasted only two years. So that’s why “Luke” says something like this:

Rey said, “I gave him some of my life. In that moment I would have given him all of it…died if I had to.” “Your compassion saved him,” said Luke.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

And everything else he says in the film itself. When Rey says she would have spent all of her life energy to save Kylo, that’s just because she had an instinct to keep pushing her essence into Kylo Ren. She wasn’t aware that was because she was defeating The Son in a battle of wills.

And speaking of Force Healing, this entire extra story also fixes how Kylo Ren was able to revive Rey from being entirely dead. Because with all the stuff George said about becoming a Force ghost being the only way to transcend death, any very powerful Force User being able to bring someone else back from the dead by sacrificing their own life feels like way too low of a power requirement. There’s only been one other character resurrected in such a way, and that was Ahsoka using The Daughter’s spirit. So Rey’s subconscious reaches out and uses Kylo Ren’s life force to come back to life, and to subsume the entirety of The Ones in a Light Side aligned form.

Is that ethical? Debatable. But theme wise, this story is more in the realm of old myths where things Just Happen, directed by beings too unknowable for things like human morality.

Now other than the thing we’re all ignoring, there are two last pieces of narration from Rey in the novelization that doesn’t work with this reading, so let’s address them.

[Ben] acknowledged her, and Rey’s lips parted in surprise. It felt different now. The connection was…right. Good. Like coming home. Ben was similarly stunned, and together, they wasted a precious moment reveling in this new sharing. This is how it should have been all along. A true dyad.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

The girl who had felt alone for all those years on Jakku had been part of a dyad the whole time. And just when [Rey had] discovered that precious connection, that incredible oneness, it was ripped away.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

This is actually just Rey misunderstanding a different feeling- being drunk on Light Side power. We have a general understanding about what being overwhelmed by the Dark Side is like, but without exceptional means it’s impossible to have one’s Personal Balance disrupted by the Light Side. That’s falling off our metaphorical tightrope, but into the air above you.

The Light Side often feels like coming home, like warmth, like connection, and like certainty in purpose. So while someone overwhelmed by the Dark Side feels drunk on power, what I just outlined is what someone overwhelmed by the Light Side feels. Also Mind Tricks are already a Light Side power, so it makes sense the most extreme form of it leads to a Light Side high.

So Rey leaves Exegol, incredibly powerful in the Force and the Cosmic Balance once more gone. Perhaps the galaxy will receive another generation, or even more, of peace. But one day, the cycle shall begin again- as the Cosmic Force demands.

So that’s it. I hope you now feel better about the dyads and Bendemption if you previously disliked that part of TROS. AU fix-it fics aren’t really my thing, and I prefer trying to fix thing up from a Watsonian, rather than Doylist perspective. If anyone has anything from the New EU that seems to contradict what I’ve written, please let me know so I can properly address it. If you have anything to add to this idea, such as why the Cosmic Force wants these cycles, please contribute. And if someone wants to make fanworks based on this idea, I’d love that so much.

#sw #star wars #tros #the rise of skywalker #anti-reylo #my writings

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ifeveristoday · 4 years

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god what is your childhood trauma

I knew trusting Jordie was a good idea. While I still have timeline/minor pacing issues (Issue #9 has Joyce believing Buffy’s on an out of state field trip for a week - which means the issues are covering 1-2 days at a time?) It’s all very Jeremy Bearimy.

Issue 10 introduces Kendra, more background parents, more details about Rose (!!!!), Robin’s mission, and Giles continues to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad attitude. Is this Toxic Masculinity or just the Hellmouth amplifying bullshit?

I will post my thoughts about the last issue of Angel eventually, because wow, the gay - but I will say it’s interesting how each line is dealing with the absence of its titular character. With Angel’s absence, the Fang Gang is concerned, but they’re handling it. Buffy’s absence in Sunnydale is having major repercussions however and while it was touched on in issue 9, issue 10 really emphasizes how she’s a necessary part of the Scoobies and how they’re floundering without her.

I could say it’s because Angel hasn’t built up a bond with his gang to the extent Buffy has, but also I think it’s just where the characters are in their lives - the Scoobies are sixteen, and it’s implied that Fred and Gunn are older young adults, with more independence and less family/school to concern themselves with.

The pressure to fit in, to be normal, to belong - it matches up neatly with Sunnydale coping with the aftermath of the Hellmouth opening. Robin, much like Willow in issue #9, is frustrated with keeping with the status quo and it's his POV this issue opens up with. He knows there’s bad shit going on, and that they should be focusing on surviving/fighting, not worrying about grades and chores like raking the leaves.

Except he doesn’t know exactly what he should be doing - and it doesn’t help that Kendra is counting on him to be her Watcher. She asks him when they’re going to be talking about hellfire and her training, and Robin tells her that they don’t do any of that, Buffy does. Except of course - she’s not there and Robin has to admit again that he doesn’t know.

For an informant to the Watcher’s Council, Robin knows less than was hinted at in previous issues, and it’s amusing that Kendra knows more about his background than he does hers. Which is a nice little inverse from the usual Watcher - Slayer relationship, isn’t it?

Kendra is apparently older than Robin, but it’s not stated by how much - she does have TV canon’s sense of tradition, but with less ‘the Watcher is always right and I am the Council’s tool,’ and more ‘we’re partners and I’m already fifty steps ahead of you, so catch up, you fool’ which is just refreshing from the start. “You’re the only resource I have in this town...it’s time you make yourself useful.”

BAMF energy.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about Cordelia, and her Jurassic park quoting excellence. I’m telling you, every character gets an issue or two (or three) to shine, and in this issue, the girls we haven’t seen as much of, really get their day.

The sequence of Cordelia walking to school is nifty for the sense of humor - Cordy has been the omniscient ‘Gossip Girl’ for the series and would naturally be the best at social media in 2019. Just as she’s documenting ‘life finds a way’ about the bird making a nest in the ruins of a tree, the audience spots what she doesn’t, the snake crawling up the other side of the tree, poised to strike.

And just as Cordy says, “Gives me hope!”

She gets lured into a trap.

The incel/sad lonely white boy in the basement stock character is not one I enjoy reading about because too many times his real-life counterparts murder a lot of people (often out of hatred of women) and I have no sympathy/interest for that.

He’s a pathetic figure but that makes it no less scary to see him throw Cordelia down a flight of stairs into his basement.

I think this being potentially excused away (thanks not vague enough official preview summaries!) as part of the Hellmouth is bringing out the worst in the dudes is weak because again, real-life losers like these characters do this without an evil mystical force being the reason all the time.

But something is clearly wrong with Giles, as he almost attacks Robin in the library, and Robin nearly attacks him back. The copious amount of sweating, the murder eyes - the verbal knives out. Giles was scary in issue 9, and he’s even more menacing in this confrontation. He’s abusing his authority as an adult and being incredibly dismissive of Robin, which is bad enough on a personal level, but as an educator - really bad.

Willow and Xander luckily come in to defuse the situation, but now Robin has a problem with them and how come he’s suddenly responsible for Sandy Noxon’s disappearance (oh yes they did and yes I saw what they were doing there).

It’s accusation town as Robin rips into Willow and Xander, but not before he tells Giles that he’s lost Buffy, they all have, and that he [Giles] is a failure. This conversation is another one of those where two characters are talking around each other - Giles is thinking Robin is being disrespectful, while Robin is pointedly calling out Giles for his failure as Buffy’s Watcher, and as an authority figure in general. Giles tells Robin he’ll do nothing, but Robin scoffs ‘Watch me.’

Old versus new, tradition battling discovery - it’s a pretty obvious parallel setting Giles up as the Old Guard and Robin forging his way with ‘his’ Slayer and their new mission.

Back to Robin tearing into Willow and Xander: their conversation in the hallway reminds me a lot of the fights that the Scoobies had in the show - while not as ugly as the DMP confrontation or that bullshit season 7 episode *cough*, it does some excellent character work in the dialogue: it reinforces the idea of Willow and Cordelia being friendly/nice to each other, Xander’s unwavering loyalty to Buffy - and getting annoyed with Robin on her behalf, and then Robin calling out Willow for ghosting Buffy (aha, so he did notice her even when he was ignoring her) in the previous issues. Robin goes a little Mr. Hyde then - accusing Willow and Xander of shifting the blame on others when Buffy isn’t around, which...kind of a stretch because how would he know? The Evil Flop Sweat is back, and he projects his frustration with Giles not helping him on them - yelling, ‘Instead of going to other people for help, why don’t you figure out things yourself, for once?’

and then ends on, “Buffy isn’t here, and we don’t know when she’s coming back...you should try to get real comfortable with that.”

The panel that follows after Robin’s outburst? A M A Z I N G.

David Lopez’s expressions for Willow and Xander is just...guys.

Xander continues to be the most emotionally well adjusted of the Scoobies (!!! The growth! We love to see it.) as Willow tells him she and Rose are broken up and for him to just leave it.

Which brings me to the unicorn I’ve been chasing since she debuted in the comic, SOME ACTUAL PERSONAL DETAILS ABOUT ROSE. I was frustrated with their breakup for a number of reasons - a) we know so little about Rose beyond the being Willow’s girlfriend, b) so much of their relationship was off-page, c) Willow was lying to her for a lot of the time, d) when they broke up, it lacked real emotional depth and I wasn’t that invested in the first place.

BUT NOW.

Rose has a tattoo! That says I TRUST YOU in FRENCH. A semi-absent father figure but one who is loving and supportive! What’s that? Two dads and a possible stepdad and Giles when he’s not being Evil Flop Sweat Man? That’s four canonical Father figures that aren’t evil or negligent. Points to House Bellaire!

And Rose being a kid that moves around a lot because her dad relocates for work, and Sunnydale being a ‘real’ home and staying for good because her mom made it happen. Then wanting Willow to meet her dad when he was in town - but now, of course, that’s not happening and guys. Character details have been provided.

I have a better idea of Rose now, and I like it. And I like that she’s kind and looks after her classmates.....

even bad news bear Luke. LUKE.

The sense of dread (and the colors! I love the work the Boom! colorists are doing for Buffy and Hellmouth) is excellent as she goes downstairs and discovers a bound and gagged Cordelia in the basement.

When Rose and Cordelia team up against Luke - it’s one of the best sequences in the issue. It shows that Cordy is unbelievably assured in every situation, no matter how dire it initially looks, and that Rose is really brave and resourceful (and deserves to be part of the Scooby Gang. Draw her on one of the covers, you cowards!)

It’s telling that Cordelia and Rose assume that it’s Buffy who saves them at the last minute - Cordelia because she associates Buffy with weird feats of strength and also just showing up at these moments, and Rose with hearsay - Buffy’s weird, but she gets results.

Kendra about to introduce herself and then Robin stealing her thunder and her reaction shot to said thievery?

I’m so glad she’s here. And that we’re going to get a girl gang in the next issue.

#buffy comics #boom! verse #boom! studios #kendra young #robin wood #cordelia chase #rose #xander harris #rupert gile #more to come

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daturanerium · 5 years

Text

i’m finally all caught up with @thepenumbrapodcast ‘s juno steel stories! here are my discordant thoughts on the story and the characters.

(i did this with the magnus archives season one, too! check it out here.)

SPOILERS FOR JUNO STEEL from s1e1 to s3ep2

general plot stuff:

this show. THIS SHOW. is written so well. the characterization is top-notch. the characters are fleshed out and interesting and engaging and they all grow and change and are affected by people and environments and time and events. they’re not static in the slightest.

i haven’t come across a story that deals with depression and suicidal idealization so well. i’m thoroughly impressed with how the writers both portrayed them and how well they have (so far) portrayed the healing process. wowowow.

THE LGBT REPRESENTATION IS OFF THE CHARTS. QUEERS LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. they have a nonbinary politician?? mlm romance and kiss in the first episode???? main character is nb with he/him pronouns??? SO MANY BADASS SAPPHIC SPY/MAFIA COUPLES.....IT TUGS AT MY HEART. the big strong guy is asexual??? i could go on for days but spoilers! just know that genuinely, you will not be disappointed.

this show has two main focuses/themes: trust and the future. it’s been so fantastic to see how juno and the other characters view both themes and how they changed themselves and/or others while encountering those themes in their everyday life.

ramses o’flaherty and the entire plotline that came with him was absolutely top-notch. it blew me away. ramses is a true complicated character, a grey area that makes you question everything you believe in. the storyline tackles politics, morals, and values while keeping it exciting and entertaining. it’s definitely one of my favorite storylines ever.

the writers are truly incredible. i’m really in awe. they inspire me! i wish i had the energy right now to give them the praise essay that they deserve but i’m really tired and i want to get this posted. someday!

the worldbuilding is the perfect balance between two extremes that a lot of scifi authors really struggle with. juno explains how a (sort of) functioning mars city works in a way that feels natural and easy to understand, and the world he describes is both familiar and fascinating. although the environment is different, the audience is all too familiar with corruption and capitalism and classism. they keep the world relatable while giving it some really new and funky details (do i want a cat with six eyes and a stinger? of course! do i want to step outside for more than five hours and get radiation poisoning? that’s up for interpretation). they also chose a great route in making this story take place in the aftermath of (what seems to be) a galactic war instead of taking the traditional Save The World, End The War scifi route. it’s refreshing, and again, relatable (especially to me: i was born after 9/11 and have lived through the entirety of the war in afghanistan so the underlining feeling that hyperion city has that Something is Going To Go Wrong....i feel that).

there is so much more i want to say but this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and i want to get it posted!

tl;dr: juno steel is really a fantastic work of art. it’s engaging and relatable and teaches valuable lessons about healing, trusting, and moving on in ways i have never seen another piece of media do so successfully. please give it a listen if you have a chance!

some character/character arc thoughts under the cut :)

juno:

god so dumb. just so fucking stupid. i love him.

i’m going to be honest. s1 and the beginning of s2 Juno was really hard for me to listen to. the way he treated others obviously was, to put it lightly, not the best (the monitor incident with rita comes to mind; i really hated that). it almost got repetitive, and since i’m already not a big fan of the depressed-asshole trope i was kind of hanging by a thread by the time ramses came around.

god am i glad i stuck around. his character growth and maturity within the second half of season two and the beginning of season three has been so satisfying! it hasn’t been perfect, but that’s part of the reason why it’s so good--it’s realistic and believable. he’s realized where his faults lie and is making a physical and mental effort to better himself. he’s even doing it verbally, explaining to people he trusts (rita) that he’s trying to be better and then actually acting on it. too often we see the depressed-asshole say the “i’m trying to be better!” line but don’t see any actions following it that signify that effort--that was my fear going into this. but that’s really, truly not the case here, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. plus, in-canon-wise, i’m so happy for juno he’s come so far!

okay nonbinary king i see you

GET THIS LADY A CAT PLEASE.

that moment during the end of s2 when he found that baby rabbit in the sewers.....god.

juno appreciate rita challenge (accepted!)

his voice......is so soothing. except when he yells but he’s better now we’ve established that

i LOVE how as soon as he figures out that he likes you he sticks to you like glue. that’s super funny and cute and also fits him perfectly

miss dahlia rose if you’re out there.....

his complicated relationship with ramses was so fascinating and important. i loved listening to that storyline.

juno: “there’s no way in hell i’m doing this, fuck off” juno, five minutes later: [is doing it]

that’s pretty much the beginning plot of every episode lol ur so valid juno we love u

he’s ability to make the dumbest decisions continues to astound me. he likes to talk about how mick is always getting himself in trouble but god juno you’re really not one to talk

the fact that, in a world that literally runs on tech, he has no idea how a coms works. that’s so fucking funny. if you ignore the backstory that comes behind it.

did juno ever tell alessandra that he made it out of the desert alive or is she just out there in hyperion city somewhere mourning him with her wife?

i already sort of wrote on juno’s backstory but it’s so good. so good.

he’s so fucking soft. he loves so much!!!! and that scares him!!!! but he’s working on it!!!!!

rita:

is she the love of my life or do i just relate heavily to her? who knows

actually no we’re gonna talk about this

rita penumbrapodcast, queen of adhd. queen of oversharing. queen of tangents. queen of love. queen of excitement. queen of caring for her friends more than herself. queen of incredible intelligence shown in an unconventional way. queen of being underappreciated.

s1 and the beginning of s2 really stung me because i’ve been in rita’s positon--used as a punching bag by someone i care deeply about because it’s better me than someone else, because i’m willing to sacrifice my own health and safety for the sake of giving them an outlet. we put it under the guise of “helping”, but we don’t realize until later that it’s really not; we’re just letting them get away with hurting themselves and hurting us. the monitor incident comes to mind again. i actually had to pause and take a step away after hearing juno yell and the glass break--although my abusive friendships thankfully never got violent, that kind of unbridled anger was all too familiar and i was begging out loud for her to leave. she handles it like a champ, and i honestly can’t say whether or not that’s a good or bad thing: good because she knows he doesn’t mean it or bad because she’s used to it? because it’s later revealed that juno’s treated her poorly from the first day they met. i was really worried that their relationship was going to end up being static, “depressed-asshole bullies quirky female sidekick and she never fights back because she loves him” trope. but, thankfully, they’re not!

towards the end of s2 and the beginning of s3 we didn’t just see growth in juno, we saw growth in rita. she confronts juno through a thetabot down in the sewers, calling him out on his self-destructive tendencies and his habit of doing important things without anyone else’s help (in this case, disappearing for weeks without telling her where he was). she points out that maybe the only way for him to appreciate her is for her to do the same thing--disappear for weeks, forcing him to realize just how much he needs her. thankfully, this is after juno’s Big Realization, and he sincerely apologizes for his treatment of her and assures her that he’s trying to be better. (and, side note, but that apology was a good one. a really good one. he verbally acknowledges his many mistakes, including the one rita specifically mentioned, acknowledges that he does not deserve her forgiveness, tells her what he’s trying to do to be better, and then apologizes and asks for her help. that’s good. take notes, people.) later that season, she takes initiative for what seems to be the first time, coming up with a solid, well-thought-out plan, enacting it on her own, and saving both an entire city and her boss. you could probably hear my cheers from wherever you are on earth, because they were there and they were loud! rita saving the day mixed with juno breaking through the mind control with his overwhelming love and appreciation for her.....god. good stuff.

rita buying juno’s office as a surprise for him.......i Will cry

literally she’s just so wonderful i love her so much

every time she talks i’m like [one billion heart emojis mixed with like forty crying emojis]

RITA SPINOFF WHEN. i come from the critical role community so yall know for a fact i’ll back it on kickstarter

once her and juno’s relationship reaches a healthy balance (and they’re already well on their way which i’m so happy about!) they’re going to be so good together. so powerful. the Ultimate cheery vs broody relationship (although juno is less broody at this point and more....gentle asshole. we love growth). they were unstoppable before, but now? god help the galaxy lol

the fact that rita can just casually hack into literally any system in the galaxy is so.......impressive? hot? yeah.

please get this woman a girlfriend and a cat

rita x franny xoxo

RITA BACKSTORY WHEN. PLEASE KEVIN AND SOPHIE PLEASE AS A RITA STAN I AM POLITELY BEGGING YOU.

rita is now in space, which is an interesting development. i just.....”rita in space” is not something i would have ever guessed at a week ago

wait oh my god.

i was sitting here thinking rita has some sort of trust fund/is secretly rich and that’s how she bought juno’s office and kept it afloat, but with the most recent episode’s developments it’s probably equally if not more likely that she either hacked into the nearest bank to give herself the creds needed or hacked the person she was buying it from to make it seem like she had made the payments. i literally adore her whoops

the little rita episodes make me so happy and i hope we get more of them!

tldr: i love her and she deserves the world and more, i’m glad her relationship with juno has changed into something a lot healthier with juno’s Realization mid-season-two, i hope she realizes the hero she already is in season three

peter:

.........oh how the turntables.

peter, season one: juno come with me so we can be together forever and travel the galaxy! i think i love you! juno: aw babe i wish i could but i’m sad and the city needs me :( peter, season three, when handed the opportunity to travel with a healing juno through the galaxy on a silver platter: actually fuck this lol i have One Job and it is to Only Think About My Current Assignment. this is smart and healthy.

this man.....this man right here officer. stole my fucking heart.

i don’t really have an essay for him because we haven’t seen enough of him to really gauge his character development beyond an obsession with debts and his aging. i’m guessing that will change this season though

the debts....what are they

can rita hack in and pay them off

god wouldn’t that be so funny. he spends his entire life trying to pay off these impossible debts and it’s stressing him out to the point where he feels he can’t focus on anything else. and one day he comes to the fam and explains everything and rita’s like “oh shit that’s easy i’ll take care of that right now!!! why didn’t you say something sooner” and hes like “what” and she’s like “yeah!” and he’s like “holy shit” and then he gets married to juno and they live happily ever after the end.

no but real talk

these debts. there’s a lot about them and the way he talks about them that really worries me. i feel like having them be simple money debt would be too easy, so maybe it’s something medical? that would explain both his obsession with his aging and his uncharacteristically excited reaction to the healing mother prime (i think that’s what it was whoops).

he also mentioned someone else before juno, someone that had some pretty strong romantic undertones. maybe they’re sick? but peter doesn’t seem like the type to throw away a relationship like that so quickly, so it doesn’t really match up that he would have someone sick and waiting for him but he’d still go after juno in season one. hmmm.

this one’s a real mystery lads. you think you have something figured out about peter nureyev but it just gives you more questions.

peter is the one mystery juno can’t solve. god, that’s good.

his voice is so good. i don’t remember who his voice actor is but they’re doing a fantastic job thank you!!!!

i actually don’t picture peter like how he’s portrayed in the official art and fanart? i wish i was an artist so i could draw him the way i see him but alas. (i still really like his official design tho!)

listen. you give me a mysterious thief that doesn’t exist and i am Forced to love him. i have a type.

thankfully peter seemed to come around during the most recent episode (s3e2 the man in glass) so i don’t think we’re going to get a repeat of season one. these debts, whatever they are, are definitely going to cause problems. i can’t wait to see what the writers do with this.

(my only fear is that it will end up fitting the “gay character has a sickness parallel to aids and it is incurable” trope. although the writers have so far done a fantastic job of writing queer characters and worlds as well as turning tropes on their heads, so even if it may seem like that’s the case in the beginning, i’ll most likely stick through it to see where they take it. i trust them).

peter i know you’ve never had a family in your life but. im gonna tell you a secret here. found family is cool and good and you’ll like it if you give it a chance.

i love him and as soon as i cut my hair short i’m gonna cosplay him. fashion king

peter nureyev makes me want to fall in love

watching (listening) to juno grow and mature was already fantastic, but to see it through the eyes of someone who respects him, cares for him, and loves him deeply? good lord.

the way peter talks about juno.....yeah.

and peter as an individual....WOW. master thief, yes wow impressive! but his growth is already focusing so much on trust and it’s been written so well. i can’t wait to see how much he continues to grow and learn to trust this season!!!

i would love to see him continue to narrate s3. i think it’s a really strong change of pace and it also puts some extra emphasis on juno’s growth while focusing on peter’s motivations and inner thoughts. i’m genuinely fine either way tho!

tl;dr: i love u emo boy i love u i love u

#the penumbra podcast #penumbra spoilers #juno steel #peter nureyev #rita penumbra #ramses o'flaherty #god i genuinely love this show so much and i can't wait for the new episodes to come out

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