Kirishima: Im dating Bakugou because I love him! What other reason would there be?
Jirou: I assumed you lost a bet
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Y/N, trying to be sweet for once: You’re my home *smiles*
Bakugo: But I’m not broken tf
Y/N: THEYRE NOT DIVORCED JUST SEPARATED-
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Reason #1738356473 why no one is allowed to use slang near Todoroki
Kaminari: wig
Shoto: Who’s wig?
Kaminari: No like-
Shoto: I don’t have a wig the hair is natural.
Kaminari: Dude I meant-
Shoto: So is the scar, it’s not makeup it’s just the product of trauma
Kaminari: Todoroki please-
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Priest: Do you, Bakugou Katsuki, take Kirishima Ejirou to be your lawfully wedded spouse? For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?
Bakugou: Death can try and part us but not before I tear death apart first.
Kirishima: ...Babe? You... You can't- death isn't a physical entity.
Bakugou: A minor setback.
Kirishima: ...I'm not sure if I should be touched or concerned.
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Sero: Which country has the most birds?
Sero: Portu-geese!
Kirishima: That's a language.
Sero: Portu-gull?
Kirishima: Good recovery.
Jirou: I think you mean good re-dovery.
Mina: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?
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THE BAKUSQUAD AS INCORRECT QUOTES PT. 1
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
kaminari: i just ended a five year relationship
kirishima: oh my god, are you okay?
kaminari: i'm fine, it wasn't my relationship
kirishima:
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
momo: just do it!
jiro: ugh, fine!
jiro: kaminari.
kaminari: hmm?
jiro: you give me butterflies.
kaminari: huh? i don't remember giving anything to you-
jiro: i meant butterflies in my stomach...
kaminari:
kaminari: ...you ate butterflies?
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
sero: *slides picture across table* i need you to shoot this person in the leg
bakugo: that's... you?
sero: mina wants me to do zumba with her
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
kaminari: *spits out blood* you've become more powerful since the last time we crossed paths
dentist: please stop, there's a sink right next to you
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
sero: i was looking in the mirror earlier and feeling unattractive, could you compliment me to make me feel better?
mina:
mina: you have great eyesight
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
aizawa: you two say you have nothing to do with this prank. are you lying to me?
mina: well, sir, depends on how you define lying
aizawa: i define it as not telling the truth. what do you define it as?
kaminari: reclining your body in a horizontal position
aizawa:
aizawa: get the fuck out of my office
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
bakugo: my memory is sharp as fuck, name the last time i forgot something!
sero: you left denki in the walmart parking lot like three weeks ago
bakugo: that was intentional, try again damn extra
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
mina: i'm having fruit salad for dinner.
mina: well, fruit salad-
mina: it's actually mostly grapes
mina: well, it's all grapes
mina: fermented grapes...
mina: wine.
mina: i'm having wine for dinner.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
sero: hey kirishima, how do i get revenge on someone for wronging me?
kirishima: the manliest way to get revenge is to let go and live well.
sero:
sero: hey, bakugo, how do i get revenge-
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
mina: is stabbing someone illegal?
bakugo: no
sero: not if they consent to it
kaminari: depends on who you're stabbing
kirishima: YES???
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
boss: you're fired
sero: *turns in his badge and gun*
boss:
boss: you're a waiter, where did you get those-
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
mina: hey bakugo, did it hurt?
kirishima: when he fell from heaven?
mina: no
mina: did it hurt when i told you to google it and i was right?
bakugo: SHUT THE FUCK UP RACCOON EYES
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
kaminari: *hiding from villains*
kaminari: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips*
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
bakugo: this game is so stupid
sero: c'mon man, just do it!
bakugo: fine
bakugo: shitty hair, truth or dare?
kirishima: truth
bakugo: how many hours have you slept this week?
kirishima: uh... dare
bakugo: GO TO SLEEP!!
kirishima:
kirishima: i don't think i like this game
bakugo: *begins to vibrate*
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
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Bakusquad+ As Things My Friends Have Said Pt2
Jiro: "No don't do drugs. It's too expensive."
Bakugo: "I'd politely decline. And then defenestrate you."
Sero: "Everyone in this group chat has been super depressed about being single and it's killing my vibe."
Shinso: "I have reached the max amount of extroverts my mental capacity can handle."
Kirishima: "I'd be really pissed off if you disobeyed the instructions I gave you for your own good..."
Mina: "Hahah guys, Sato left me alone with a bunch of crepe batter and a hot stove. What could go wrong?" *less than two minutes later* "Holy crap I already set one on fire..."
Kaminari: "OUCH MY FEELINGS! JEEZ DUDE!"
Shinso: "Calling a girl a cow is fine if you follow it up with cute right after."
Kirishima: "Stop bruh-ing me in that tone. I'm sensitive, okay?"
Jiro: "Lol Kaminari, keep visualizing that. Be concerned. Get traumatized. Have a good time."
Sero: "Sad times. But anyways, get frickin REKTED Bakugo! TAKE THOSE BRUH'S AND FEEL THE FRIGGIN PAIN BAKUGO-KUN!"
Mina: "I can neither confirm nor deny the facts of that statement. Legally, at least."
Kaminari: "Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear."
Bakugo: *said in the most monotone of monotones*"Wow. I just witnessed a breakup."
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Kirishima: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Kaminari: The car takes a screenshot.
Bakugou: Get the fuck out.
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Denki: -Cause why?! He might steal a zamboni again! Look out: It's Zamboni Theif Denki!
Kyoka: Gah this again. We're not going to call you "Zamboni Theif Denki".
Denki: But it's a cool nickname!
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Shigaraki, negotiating with the bakusquad: We have your precious dynamight. Give us ten thousand yen and they will be returned to you unharmed
Bakugo: Whoa, whoa, wait. YOU THINK IM ONLY WORTH TEN THOUSAND YEN?!
Shigaraki:...
Bakugo: MAKE IT ONE MILLION!–
Jirou: BAKUGO STOP
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kiribaku in the dorms
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Bakugou: FIGHT ME YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
Jirou: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Kaminari: I got this- what you should say is "dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?"
Jirou: Somehow that's worse
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Julie: In Legally Blond, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.
Runo: Julie, this is real life, not an excellent movie.
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Shinso: If you guys took a shot every time you did something risky and stupid, how drunk would you be?
Bakusquad: Haha wasted
Dekusquad: Dead.
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Aizawa: Why do you kids like being out in the rain so much?
Eri: I like splashing and rain is just fun!
Shinsou: I'm trying to get hit by lightning
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Bakugou: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Kaminari: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Kirishima: I personally was created in a lab.
Sero: I just straight up spawned lol.
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