#incorrect stardew valley quotes

[three-penguins-in-a-trench-coat]

Maru: The Farmer is fucking intense. I once asked them if they had any copper, and I think they dug it straight out of the ground themselves. The Dwarf: I see the Farmer come her, almost every day. Even I do not venture deep, yet the Farmer returns, every time, unscathed. I pray for the monsters that dwell deep. I pray that their deaths are swift.

The Farmer, sprinting through the 90th floor of the skull caverns, a stereo over one shoulder blasting 'Barbie Girl', a sword in his other arm: Come on barbie lets go barbie ha ha yeah yeah come get me super snakes im a fucking tank

[mugiwarah]

Sam: Quit your job.

Sebastian: Why?

Sam: Join my emo band.

[stardewfreak]

Any spouse: I don't know how to tell you this,, but I love you.

Farmer: Well that's great, especially since we've already been married for six years.

[stardewvalleyincorrect]

Shane: Yoba, my back is fucking killing me

Farmer: Old.

Emily: Old.

Sam: Old.

Abi: Old.

Seb: Old.

Shane: ... I'm 28-

[iwouldmovetostardewvalley]

Farmer: "I will now torture you." Shane: "Kinky." Farmer: "I think you are sweet and beautiful." Shane: "Wait." Farmer: "You deserve to be cared for as much as you care for others." Shane: "No." Farmer: "Your feelings and needs are valid and deserve to be heard." Shane: "I need a safeword!"

[incorrect-stardew-quotes]

Elliott at the flower dance: Care to dance, farmer?

Farmer, stuffing their face with Gus' food: In a second!!

Elliott:

Elliott, tearing up: I truly cannot wait to marry you

[stardew-otter]

I'm back bitches, who's ready for more chaos

•─────✧─────•

Shane: Yeah, I don’t like people.

Marnie: Oh, well, now that’s not fair, Shane. Have you met all of them?

Shane, taking a swig of beer: I’ve met enough of them. Bunch of assholes.

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Pierre: Damn, the power went out.

Abigail: Don’t worry, I got this.

Abigail: *stomps foot*

Pierre: What the hell are you doing???

Abigail: *Sketchers light up*

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Marnie, to Lewis: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

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Sam: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Sebastian: No, I said, "Sam, don't lick that swingset," and you said, "Don't tell me what to do," and licked the swingset.

Sam: Good times!

Sebastian: You were hospitalized for a week!!!

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Penny: Oh shoot!

Penny: Excuse my vulgarity.

Pam: I’ll let it slide.

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Shane: So my therapist was talking to me, and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in.

Shane: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall.

Shane: *looks at player through the screen* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism. You also need a better coping mechanism than this game. It's been 13 hours.

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Farmer: I don’t want to talk about it.

Shane: Good, I don’t wanna hear about it.

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Sebastian: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A.

Maru: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

Sam: Fuck you.

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Harvey: What happened to your nose?

Alex: I used it to break some guy's fist.

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Sam: Did you bring Harvey?

Sebastian, gesturing to Maru: No, but I brought the next best thing. She's still qualified.

Sam: Maru? The next best thing would be Farmer.

Maru: I would be offended, but Farmer is freakishly strong and smart.

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Sebastian: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

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Farmer in Skull Caverns: All of a sudden, I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

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Sebastian: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Maru: I'm aware of that.

Sebastian: But then you and I had some time together.

Maru: Uh-huh?

Sebastian: It did not get better.

─────────────────────

Haley: What’s up with Emily? They’ve been lying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Gus: They're just a little overwhelmed.

Haley: Why?

Gus: The Farmer gave her a new gem.

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Harvey: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?

Shane: Can't relate.

Sam: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

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Gus: One time I went to hand the Farmer a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

─────────────────────

Sam: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

•─────✧─────•

My brain is half dead

[g3rmtonium]

Vincent: Daddy, will you check underneath my bed for monsters?

Kent: No, Vinny, I’m scared I’ll find something I don’t want to see.

Vincent:

Kent: Good night!

[three-penguins-in-a-trench-coat]

Lewis: I swear to Yoba, the Farmer has to be a billionaire. Every night, there is more wine in the shipping box. Thousands. Of. Bottles. I am reasonably certain they have singlehandedly brought down the price of wine globally.

Robin: Well, I'm always getting called to the farm to build new shit and the Farmer doesn't even bat an eye at the cost. I've raised my prices by 150% and I don't think they even noticed.

Pierre: I've estimated that from the seeds they have brought from my shop, the farmer has made around $17 million. However, I visited the farm once, and I saw crops that I didn't even know existed. They mentioned something about "reviving extinct fruit" or whatever. Either way, the Farmer is loaded.

Meanwhile, the Farmer looting through Gus's trash for leftover meals:

Robin:

Lewis:

Pierre:

Gus:

The Farmer *still chewing*: ok I know this looks bad

The Farmer: Look, it was on sale. 100% off. Thats a deal I gotta take

[mugiwarah]

*arriving at Harvey’s Clinic after a failed mining excursion*

Harvey: You were hurt. Do you remember anything?

Farmer: Just the ambulance ride over.

Harvey: That wasn't an ambulance, Linus was carrying you.

Farmer: Then why did I hear sirens?

Linus: Sorry, I got nervous.

[stardewfreak]

Farmer, looking at all of the singles: So what I'm hearing is I need to become therapy certified WAY faster.

[stardewvalleyincorrect]

Tried my hand at what the young one call a meme

[iwouldmovetostardewvalley]

Farmer, about Lewis: "He doesn't deserve you. If he doesn't treat you right by now, you're gone."

Marnie: "I'm gone."

Farmer: "Now go chop his dick off!"

[incorrect-stardew-quotes]

Farmer: I love you so much! Sebastian, smiling: I love you too! Sam, sitting on the opposite couch: *shovels another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth* I love you both too

[stardew-otter]

Stardew Valley Incorrect Quotes: Part 2

•─────✧─────•

Farmer: The ocean is a soup.

Willy, who was just trying to fish: Could you elaborate?

Farmer: Ok, what do you think makes soup?

Willy: I'd say water, salt and some other seasonings, vegetables or vegetation of some sort, and meat.

Farmer: Now, what's in the ocean?

*a few hours later*

Elliott walking along the docs: Hello Willy, how are you-

Willy, having an existential crisis: The ocean is a soup.

─────────────────────

Rasmodius: Welcome to my basement, where magic transcends trival things, such as gender.

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Farmer after passing out in Skull Cavern and losing their weapon again: I'm going to go home and touch my spouses tits so I won't be mad.

─────────────────────

George: We need a new coffee machine, this one isn't working well.

Alex: It's only 7 years old, I have sheets that are older than that???

George: This damn coffee machine gets more action than you do and we all know it Alex.

─────────────────────

Emily: Here is a quick and easy way to dye your hair!

Step 1: Aquire hair dye

Step 2: Strip yourself of all personal belongings

Step 3: Put on gloves

Step 4: Make blood sacrifice

Step 5: ???

Step 6: Your hair is now dyed, congratulations!

─────────────────────

*phone call*

Demetrius: Maru where are you?

Maru: I'm at the clinic, why?

Demetrius, panicked: Wait, why are you at the clinic? Are you hurt? Sick? Did-

Maru: Dad, I work at the clinic...

Demetrius: Oh... carry on.

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Harvey, on the floor with a cup of coffee: Wow, the farmer really does love me... who knew love could blossom in such a place...

Maru standing over Harvey panicked: Harvey you're having a caffeine overdose-!

─────────────────────

Penny: I think the farmer might like me...

Pam, who is knee-deep in diamonds: YA THINK???

─────────────────────

Sam: Dude, a lollipop is just you swallowing your own spit in different flavors...

Sebastian: What the hell.

Abigail: Shit he's right-

•─────✧─────•

Huzzah, another part done ^^

[g3rmtonium]

Harvey: Did you know that carrots are good for your eyes?

Alex: Really? *stabs eyes with carrots*

Harvey:

Alex: you lied to me.