#ineedtotalktosomeone

[esthermauve]

Fall

How can you tell when you’re fixing to fall apart?

It starts first in your mind, in the thoughts that paint gray under your eyes

That turn simple into monumental

It poisons your flesh, your lips, your fingertips

It ends at your heart

There you can feel it

There it hurts

-Esther Mauve

[mayhem9218]

How is it someone comes in to your life, is the most beautiful and wonderful person, you fall for that person harder and harder each passing day despite the issues and the circumstances, you fight to keep that person in your life doing what you can to get everything and anything that person wants or needs, but no matter what you're doing good this person doubts you, accuses of cheating, constantly tries to leave, always makes unnecessary comments that initiate arguments, always had a point to make but never wanted to hear yours, always tell them the truth but always calls it bs or says you're playing with their head, but regardless of all the issues you can't help but love this person so much all so that they leave, leaving behind all the plans that you made together without a single word as to why and for what reason is it so hard to just talk about it.

How is it ok for someone to make all those plans and say they love you one day all to just leave like you meant nothing the next. How can someone after hearing all your insecurities of abuse and insecurities still has no heart to just be another one that drops you all because they chose to believe anybody else except you. Why is this like that and why destroy my heart this way if it wasn't gonna happen the way we made plans. Why leave me completely confused and hurt without a word of why.... messed up thing is I still love you!!! And im dying to hear from you. #heartbroken #depressed #help #ineedyou #imissyou #iloveyou #ineedtotalktosomeone #needafriend #youbrokeme #whyme #whywontyou talktome #wtf

[bradshore]

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[anchormehereforever]

Sometimes i just cry because im too impatient for change; too frustrated and too unhappy when the late hours of the night creep in. Too alone and too needy and too full of pride to call and wake you up and say i need help understanding whats wrong with me and why im so full of overwhelming self hate.

2:14 AM

[putyouinabook]

#INeedToTalkToSomeone

I am in a very hard place, because I’m looking back and looking around and seeing too much of the same.

 Last year took my heart and wrung it out like an old dish rag, and I fell out of love with God. I fell out of love with being Catholic. I fell out of love with being simple and small. 

I am only realizing in bits and pieces how far I fell out in 2013. 

Being the way I am, I have a tendency to look around and think, “Wow, you ruined everything. You have no chance now or tomorrow or ever. You’ve already blown a lifetime of good with the past 19 years of being stupid and shallow.”

I was talking to a wonderful friend of mine today. She is going to a good Catholic college and majoring in Theology. She is doing amazing things, and she is completely on fire for Christ. 

Her fire for God, and just for life in general, made me see my own tepidness. I’m lukewarm. I’m lazy. I’m bored. And I’m boring.

True, I’m not who I used to be, but I’m not who I want to be, either. 

And that’s an incredibly hard place to be. A place where you have to accept that you’ve failed horribly, and not let it destroy you. I know that I’m not a bad human being just because I’ve disappointed myself (and God), but I want to fix the way I feel right now. I want to become the best version of myself tonight, in like three hours or less. I want to get away from this disappointment and forget it, and start doing everything I intend to do. 

But I keep needing to recall that God calls us to experience suffering, not hide from it, run from it, or cover it up. 

Basically, I've been giving myself license to do nothing by thinking things like...

"Well, I'm not smart enough."

"Well, I'm not strong enough."

"Well, I'm not confident enough."

"Well, I'm not pretty enough."

"Well, I'm not brave enough."

By putting limits on what I consider to be possible, I put limits on both myself and on God. That frustrates me so much. I feel so unbearably stuck, and all I want is to throw on some shoes and run down Jefferson street until I hit the woods.

But I don't actually do that (I should, though...), and my frustration doesn't make those lies go away. I still think them. I still wind up believing them. 

Thank God, He always gives second chances. I know that tonight can be the end of all this sitting around. Tomorrow can be the beginning of embracing God for all that He says He is, and letting Him carry out the good work he has begun in me. 

I know this is long and not very coherent, and I'm not terribly concerned about spelling or grammatical errors. I can only begin to truly process things when they get outside of my head, so that's what this is.

I needed to talk to someone. Thanks for listening. 

[poptarts15]

My life is just crashing quickly...

[bradshore]

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[lizchung31-blog]

life is wayyyy too short.

eek! Theres so many things I want to do for the Lord, for myself, for my parents, for my family, and I feel as if life is easy enough to accomplish my whole list.

But then I hit reality and realize no, it's not easy.

And it won't be easy because I am a scaredy-cat who dreams big things but too worried and a wimp to go achieve it.

I want to raise enough money someday to support my family, but also to pay back my parents for all that they did for me and my sisters

i have my own ways on how I would like to accomplish this, but then I hit reality again and ask myself if it'll be possible due to my wimpiness. Is that a word? Idc.

Then I grow a desire to just trust in God, that He would lead the way and help me do what I need to do.

But is trusting in God with something big like that so easy?

no it is hard. 

But I learn to trust,

 because,

prayer and His Word is literally the only thing I can have faith and hope in, in this lifetime, as of right now.

[sforstef]

I am EXTREMELY jealous of the people that constantly have messages in their inbox.

[loveboundnex]

i hate that there's nothing i can do, i just make things worse. This pain hurts so deep.... when all i wanna tell you is i love you, and i don't want you to ever forget that...