#inez branko

[incorrectcharliebone]

Dagbert: Sea water being toxic was made up by people afraid of flavor. “It has too much salt in it :(“ ok English boy I’m about to get it. Inez: Seawater pulls water out of your body when you drink it, so actually you are the drink. Dagbert: It's like an arm wrestle! Loser gets drank!

[dagbert-endless]

god i love the perchance incorrect quote generator (more under the cut)

[a-crack-in-the-universe]

Charlie Bone Timeline: Pre-Series

Timeline of events before the series. Contains spoilers for all Charlie Bone books, including Henry and the Guardians of the Lost.

 1800s

Circa 1804

·        Marigold disappears through the Time Twister while playing hide-and-seek with her brother.

 1833 

·        Maybelle Bloor is born to Cecilia and Septimus Bloor.

 1835 or 1838

·        Beatrice Bloor born to Cecilia and Septimus Bloor.

 1840 

·        Bertram Babbington Bloor is born to Cecilia and Septimus Bloor.

 1845

·        Donatella da Vinci is born.

 1850

·        Yorath Yewbeam is born.

 1850s

·        Maybelle Bloor marries Lucius Raven.

 1860

·        Daniel Raven is born to Maybelle and Lucius Raven.

 1862

·        Vera Kuragina is born.

·        Roland Raven is born to Maybelle and Lucius Raven.

 1865

·        Evangeline Raven is born to Maybelle and Lucius Raven.

·        Septimus Bloor forges a will leaving everything he owns to his daughter Maybelle and her heirs. He dies soon after.

 1870s

·        Bertram Bloor marries Donatella Da Vinci.

 1875

·        Gideon Bloor born to Bertram and Donatella Bloor.

 1876

·        Gudrun Solensson born.

 1884

·        Manley Yewbeam born to Yorath and Vera Yewbeam.

 1885

·        Grace Bloor is born to Bertram and Donatella Bloor.

 1896

·        Lydia Raven is born to Daniel and Jane Raven.

 1897

·        Hugh Raven is born to Daniel and Jane Raven.

 1899

·        Ita Raven marries Simon Bone.

 1900s

1900

·        Yolanda Yewbeam is born in Yewbeam Castle to Yorath and Vera Yewbeam.

·        Everard Raven is born to Roland and Ann Raven.

 1902

·        Ezekiel Bloor born to Gideon and Gudrun Bloor.

·        Hilda Hansoff born.

 1905

·        Henry Yewbeam born to Grace and Manley Yewbeam.

 1908

·        Daphne Yewbeam born to Grace and Manley Yewbeam.

 1910

·        James Yewbeam born to Grace and Manley Yewbeam.

 1912

·        Solange Sourzac born.

 1916

·        Daphne Yewbeam dies of diphtheria in the winter of that year (January)

·        Henry Yewbeam disappears while staying at Bloor’s Academy with his brother James. (January 12)

 1918

·        Manley Yewbeam is killed in battle during the Great War.  

 1921

·        Yolanda inherits her father’s castle at age 21.

 1920s

·        Hugh Raven marries Sally Milne. Evangeline Raven gives the pearl-inlaid box to Sally on her wedding day.

 1925

·        Susan Raven born to Hugh and Sally Raven.

 1930

·        Bartholomew Bloor is born to Ezekiel and Hilda Bloor.

·        Mary Chance is born.

 1931

·        Brutus Raven born to Hugh and Sally Raven.

 1932

·        Thomas Raven is born to Everard and Harriet Raven.

 1934

·        Timothy Raven is born to Everard and Harriet Raven.

 1935

·        Maisie Jones is born.

 1937

·        Grizelda Yewbeam is born to James and Solange Yewbeam.

·        Monty Bone is born to Clara and Eamon Bone.

 1940 or 1941

·        Ankaret's family is killed during a bombing raid; Ankaret accidentally travels forward in time after looking into the Time Twister.

 1942

·        Lucretia Yewbeam is born to James and Solange Yewbeam.

 1947

·        Eustacia Yewbeam is born to James and Solange Yewbeam.

·        Treasure is born.

 1948

·        Pearl is born.

 1952

·        Venetia Yewbeam is born to James and Solange Yewbeam.

 1955

·        Harold Bloor is born to Bartholomew and Mary Bloor.

 1957

·        February: Paton Yewbeam is born to James and Solange Yewbeam.

·        Dorothy de Vere is born.

 1961

·        Grizelda Yewbeam marries Montague Bone.

 1962

·        Lyell Bone is born to Grizelda and Monty Bone.

·        Titania/Miss Chrystal is born.

 1962 or 1963

·  A week before his death, Monty returns to his hometown of Neverfinding. Monty makes a will leaving all that he owns to his son Lyell. He also writes a letter to be read by Lyell when he turns eighteen.

·  Monty Bone dies in a plane crash (possibly contrived by the Yewbeams and Bloors).

·  Bartholomew Bloor disappears while mountain climbing in the Himalayas with friends; Mary dances herself to death. Bartholomew turns against his family and becomes an explorer.

 1964

·  During a stay at Yolanda’s castle, Solange falls and breaks her neck, Yolanda turns James’ four daughters against him, and James and Paton escape in fear for their lives.

·  Hector Bittermouse causes some trouble with the Bloors (?)

·  Lord Grimwald drowns Pearl and Treasure's sweethearts and family in revenge because they refused to marry him.

 1965

·        Grace Bloor dies at age eighty.

 1967

·        Amy Jones is born to Maisie and Mr Jones.

·        Julia Ingledew is born.

 1968

·        Rufus Raven is born to Brutus and Maud Raven.

 1970

·        Ellen Raven is born.

 1985

·        Manfred Bloor is born to Harold and Dorothy Bloor.

·        Asa Pike is born in the land of the Merromals.

 1988

·        Zelda Dobinski is born.

·        Beth Strong is born.

 1989

·        Mr and Mrs Pike travel with Asa to the Red King’s city to live.

 1990

·  Lyell Bone elopes with Amy Jones to Mexico; they marry there.

·  Tancred Torsson is born.

·  Lysander Sage is born to Judge and Jessamine Sage.

 1992

·  Charlie Bone is born to Amy and Lyell Bone in the first week of January.

·  Emma Tolly is born to Nancy and Mostyn Tolly (During fall or winter).

·  Gabriel Silk is born to Cyrus and Mrs Silk.

·  Naren Bloor is born to Chinese parents.

·  Olivia Vertigo is born sometime in September.

·  Fidelio Gunn is born to Chloe and Mr Gunn.

·  Dagbert Endless is born to Lord Grimwald and a mermaid.

·  Benjamin Brown is born to Mr and Mrs Brown in late October.

·  Dorcas Loom is born.

 1993

·  Charlie turns one in the first week of January.

·  Bartholomew returns to the city to visit his family, who refuse to acknowledge him. Lyell and Bartholomew become friends, and they go mountain climbing together.

·  Idith and Inez Branko are born to Bogdan and Natalia Branko.

·  Joshua Tilpin is born to Matthew and Titania Tilpin.

 Sometime between 1990 and 1994

·        Rufus entrusts Lyell with the box containing Maybelle’s will.

·        Rufus and Ellen marry.

 1994

·  Charlie turns two in the first week of January.

·  Nancy Tolly dies from illness just before Emma’s second birthday; a few days later Mostyn decides to give Emma away. (during fall or winter).

·  Lyell disappears while trying to stop Emma Tolly’s abduction. (during fall or winter).

 1995

·        Billy Raven is born to Rufus and Ellen Raven on May 4.

 1996

·  Rufus and Ellen die in a contrived car accident; Billy is sent to live with an apathetic aunt.

·  Christopher Crowquill is framed as a robber and sent to prison for seven years.

·  Naren’s parents die in a flood; Naren is adopted by Bartholomew and Meng Bloor.

 1997

·  Miranda Shellhorn is born to Arthur Shellhorn.

·  Charlie starts school.

·  Charlie and Benjamin become friends.

 1998

·        Dorothy Bloor tries to leave Bloor's Academy forever; her violin hand is crushed by Manfred in the attempt and cursed by Ezekiel to never work again. Losing all hope, Dorothy becomes 'the Dark Lady'.

·        Lucy comes out of the Time Twister into the Littles' House.

 1999

·  Eric Shellhorn is born to Arthur Shellhorn.

·  Una Onimous is born.

·  Dr Tolly asks for Emma to be returned to him; he is refused.

 2000s

2001

·  May 4: Billy’s endowment is revealed, and he is sent to live in Bloor’s Academy.

·  Tancred Torsson starts school at Bloor's Academy.

·  Ollie Sparks disappears in the old part of the Academy for three days. Cook throws a feast for him, and soon after he leaves the school. However, he disappears while going to get orange juice at the train station (or so Matron Yewbeam says).

 2002

·        Charlie turns ten in the first week of January.

·        Emma turns ten between January and October.  

[incorrectcharliebone]

Dorcas: Ugh, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Inez and Idith: Feign illness. Joshua: Say you broke your leg. Dagbert: REALLY break your leg.

[incorrectcharliebone]

Inez: We would never say this to her face, but we consider Dorcas one of our closest friends and we treasure her presence. Joshua: Why... Why wouldn't you say that to her face?

[incorrectcharliebone]

Inez: ‘Be the bigger person?' No! We're four foot four and full of rage, YOU be the bigger person.

[incorrectcharliebone]

Manfred: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? Joshua: Nope, absolutely not. Dorcas: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Inez and Idith: We hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. Dagbert: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Asa: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

[incorrectcharliebone]

Joshua: Just be yourself. Dagbert: 'Be myself'? Josh, I have one day to win Charlie over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me for real? Asa: Couple weeks. Inez: Six months. Idith: Jury’s still out. Dagbert: See, Josh? Dagbert: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

[dagbert-endless]

Incorrect Quotes under the cut.

-

Dagbert: You saved me. I owe you my life.

Lysander: No, thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

-

Count Harken: So there I was, committing various war crimes-

Joshua: You were WHAT?

Titania: Committing various war crimes, didn’t you hear him the first time?

-

Dagbert: I can't do that. It'd go against my moral compass.

Charlie: Your moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel.

-

Younger!Grizelda: You know, it wouldn’t kill you to visit your mother once in a while.

Younger!Lyell: We don’t know that.

-

Asa: Can we talk? One Manfred stan to another?

Dagbert: I don’t see why not.

-

Asa: Has anyone in your life told you they love you?

Manfred: Does family count?

Asa: Yes.

Manfred: Then no.

-

Manfred: There’s a dead boy in the sculpture room.

Dagbert: Oh, hey, how did he get here?

Manfred: What did you do?

Dagbert: Me? I didn’t do this!

Manfred: Tell me, then, what exactly you were doing before you left the sculpture room.

Dagbert: All right, well, I was standing in there, waiting, and Torsson walked in to trade, so I went up to him…

Manfred: Go on.

Dagbert: ...then I flooded the room and left him underwater.

Manfred: Dagbert, that kills people.

-

Dr. Bloor: I was able to raise a fully functional child!

Charlie: You have a kid that we don’t know about?

-

Lysander: Was macing us really necessary AFTER you realized who we were?

Emma: After what HE did to Tancred?!

Dagbert: I returned the corpse, okay!

-

Asa: I love you guys. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Charlie: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Asa: Yeah.

Billy: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

-

Quiz: What kind of beverage are you?

Joshua: A milkshake.

Inez and Idith Branko: We’re seething cauldrons of rage.

Dorcas: I’m a sweet smoothie.

Dagbert: Water, I guess. Whatever.

-

Joshua: What would you do if I was kidnapped?

Titania: Wait thirty minutes until they let you go voluntarily.

-

Dagbert: Guys, what color would you say Joshua’s eyes are?

Idith and Inez: Silver?

Asa: Yeah, silver.

Dorcas: A silver, yeah.

Dagbert, to Joshua: Now, tell them what color you said.

Joshua: ...Pale gray.

-

Asa: I just want some recognition!

Ezekiel: Yeah, well, I want an alpaca but we can't all get what we want.

Asa: Aren’t you rich? Why don’t you just buy one?

Ezekiel:

[later]

Dr. Bloor: You bought a WHAT?!

Ezekiel: His name is Reginald Roosevelt Romeo Ramsey.

-

Dagbert: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand!

[Lightning strikes Dagbert]

Dagbert: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

-

Amy: What do you think, Grandma Bone?

Grizelda: I wasn't listening, but I strongly disagree with Maisie.

-

[postcanon]

Dagbert: I’m feeling too sad right now. Nothing you say can make me feel better.

Fidelio, whipping out a guitar: I can mock your sad ass with a song.

-

Naren: We need to talk about your sleep schedule.

Asa: I have it penciled in for next Friday at 4, why? Is something going on that day? Should I cancel?

Naren: No, don’t-

Asa: Too late. I already cancelled it.

Naren:

Asa: I didn’t really want to go anyway.

-

Tancred: Listen here, you son of a bitch-!

Dagbert: Don’t you dare talk shit about my mother!

Tancred: I meant your father.

Dagbert: Fair enough, carry on then.

-

Manfred: Of course I know all of the endowed. There's myself, Asa, Zelda, Charlie, Billy...

Manfred, looking at smudged handwriting on hand: Em & Em, Tmanfred, Lysanderoth, Ienzo, Ith, Dag Dag...

Manfred, squinting: Gerbil, Binder, Jesus, Bath, Orange, and Doorknob.

-

Dorcas: When I was younger, I used to plan my future wedding~

Dagbert: Really? I used to plan my future funeral!

-

Emma, to Olivia: I love laying my head on your chest when you sleep so I can hear your heart beating.

Lysander, to Tancred: I recorded you snoring so you can hear how fucking loud you are and why I can't fucking sleep.

-

Dagbert: Can you imagine not being human and just living out your days as a weeping willow, though? Beautiful? By the water? Unburdened? Ideal.

Joshua: I wanna be the one from Harry Potter that beats the shit out of everything and everyone.

-

Fidelio: Can I play some music?

Uber Driver: Sure.

Fidelio, pulling out a saxophone: Do you like Veggie Tales?

-

Dagbert, very seriously: You can’t tell a soul.

Charlie, equally seriously: No one I know will care.

-

Billy: You played me like a fiddle!

Ezekiel: Oh, no, Billy. Fiddles are actually difficult to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo that you are.

-

Dagbert: You remind me of the ocean.

Manfred: Why? Because I’m deep and mysterious?

Dagbert: No, because you’re salty and you scare people.

-

Manfred: Your first impression of me may be that I’m a terrible person. But, in time, Charlie, I hope you’ll come to realize... you haven’t the faintest idea.

-

Ezekiel: Hey, daddy issues! Where-

Dagbert: Stop calling me that. I don’t have daddy issues, I have biological father issues.

Ezekiel: What? You’ve got a foster father or something?

Dagbert: I’m still looking for one.

Ezekiel:

Dagbert:

Ezekiel:

Dagbert: Are you availabl-

Ezekiel: No.

-

Emma: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

-

Dagbert: Sea water being toxic was made up by people afraid of flavor. “It has too much salt in it :(“ ok English boy I’m about to get it.

Inez: Seawater pulls water out of your body when you drink it, so actually you are the drink.

Dagbert: It is like an arm wrestle! Loser gets drank!