#instead of getting it from Gender GP

[theemptybloggercometh]

I'm feeling excellent because I found out that my new GP will not only perform the blood tests to check my hormone levels but they will also prescribe me my hormones!

[so-i-did-this-thing]

feel free to not answer this if this is too personal, but one of the things that i've been worried about going on T has been receiving adequate medical care from all my providers as i continue to transition. obviously every place and provider is different, but have you seen any broad difficulties with getting proper care?

I have run into "trans broken leg" syndrome many times-- where a doctor is eager to blame my HRT for something unrelated. So, I've cultivated a strong personality to push back here and shop around if it comes to it. It's really important to learn how to advocate for yourself.

I have actually made one of my endos cry because he was being a dick and I called him out on it. When I had kidney stones, I stopped going to an internalist who tried to get me to stop T with no real reason why other than vague hand-waving. I stopped going to a GP who suggested HRT was the reason for my congenital arrthymia. And my anesthesiologist for my top surgery yelled at a nurse for trying to force me to take a pregnancy test at the 11th hour, instead of taking my word for it.

Comparatively, when I was read as a cis woman, I had a whole host of health issues dismissed because it was just "anxiety'. Honestly, it's been a lateral move.

Currently, I have an ideal situation where my GP is a trans woman who works in a trans healthcare clinic, and she has a good referral network when I need speciality care, like a colonoscopy.

Since going to clinics that provide both gender affirming care AND general wellness, my quality of care has skyrocketed.

That said, my ER and urgent care experiences have mostly been uneventful (sometimes I do not disclose, like when I fucked up my rotator cuff), but I am also very aware I am white and cis male passing and both absolutely impact the quality of my medical care.

[lesbiankimdahyun]

G!p Karina hosting a Halloween costume party and choosing you as the winner for best dressed/costume. The prize being that you get to sleep with her.

thank you i loved writing this i hope u enjoy! A03 link is here

FIRST PRIZE: A Halloween Special

4.4K words

[GP!Karina x F!Reader] 

CW: GP, alcohol, brief weed mention 

Guest appearances: MAMAMOO’s Moonbyul and Solar

Your job had been cool about you working fully remotely during the height of the pandemic, but now after two years, they finally asked you to relocate. Your boss was able to compensate you for the move to D.C., which helped, but coming from San Francisco, the East coast culture shock was brutal. Starting over in a new city was intimidating, but at least you had your work bestie Karina to hang out with now that the two of you lived in the same city. 

Having only seen and interacted with her through Zoom on your laptop about (mostly) work-related things, you were a little nervous that the friendship would fade or ruin your working relationship, but over the summer, you found it had the opposite effect. The more you saw of Karina’s authentic offline self, the more comfortable you felt with her, and being able to make Karina laugh felt like winning the lottery. You were absolutely harboring a crush on her, but you kept hoping maybe it would go away in time, too afraid to let her know about your feelings.

But months later when she invited you to a huge Halloween bash she was hosting, you knew your crush on her wasn’t going away any time soon. Her massive apartment, which she shared with her roommate, a girl named Winter you’d met a couple times, was decorated from the floor to the ceiling for the occasion. Perfectly placed cobwebs, a plethora of real, carved jack-o-lanterns lined the mantle of the living room’s fireplace, and the staircase that led up to their bedrooms had tiny, fake candles on each step, adding a warm glow. Karina had used plenty of LED lights too, leaving sections of the apartment cast in eerie purple and red light. Despite the free flowing alcohol, available weed and other Halloween goodies supplied for the party, it was Karina herself that had your rapt attention. 

“You made it!” she said when you arrived, pulling you in for a hug. Her costume was decadent and extravagant, but not so over the top that it limited her range of motion. She’d chosen to go as Glinda the Good Witch. “I like Elphaba better,” she admitted, “but I didn’t want to commit to green skin.” Instead, she’d committed to a Swarovski-jeweled crown, a short, perfectly pink ruffle dress, complete with embroidery work near the bust and tiered tulle to add volume to the skirt. She had a silver, jewel-covered scepter that matched her crown, and wore extra blush to accent all of the pink details. On anyone else, it would’ve looked very cute, but Karina’s lethal beauty and aloof personality made the overall look devastatingly stunning instead.

When she pulled away from you, she eyed you and your costume with interest. “Talk about treasure,” she said. “Should I call you Jack or Jackie Sparrow?” 

You felt yourself blush a bit. “Whatever you like,” you said. Karina smirked in response, taking another moment to look at the pieces you’d put together for your Pirates of the Caribbean-inspired outfit. You’d gone to great lengths to gender-bend your take on Jack Sparrow just the way you wanted, and based on Karina’s reaction, it seemed to be paying off. For your look, you’d combined a brown, satin corset top with bronze buckles, a black chiffon tiered waterfall maxi skirt, a black frill tie blouse with flared sleeves, a black lace necklace, brown knee length boots that matched your corset, a few long pearl necklaces to go with the lace necklace, gold hoop earrings, gold rings, and a brown faux leather pirate hat with a single feather on one side. 

Karina suddenly reached forward, brushing her hand along your thigh. “What’s this?” she asked curiously. “A black lace garter? Wow, Y/N, you really pull out all the stops, don’t you?” You let out a shy laugh in response. Karina took your hand then. “Come on,” she said, leading you through the crowd. She pulled you into the kitchen, where Winter was busy grabbing more alcohol. 

“Win-ter,” Karina sing-songed, “Look who's going to enter my costume contest!” Her roommate turned around and the two of you took a moment to take in each other’s costumes. 

“No way,” you said, admiring her black, white and pink futuristic superhero look. “Uravity? From My Hero Academia?” Winter beamed. “ Finally , I’m recognized,” she said, coming over to give you a light hug, careful to avoid bonking you with her headpiece as she hugged you. “Everyone keeps thinking I’m some sort of Barbie Buzz Lightyear,” she said with a quick pout and eye roll. “But wow, look at you!” She took your hand, and you spun for her to show off all sides of your costume. She and Karina exchanged a brief look, and then Winter nodded. “So you're in the contest, huh? I bet you'll win” she said. 

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” you said, “But I don’t know even know if I actually want t--” 

Karina cut you off. “Trust me,” she said, placing a hand on your shoulder. Her glittery, pink nails stood out against the brown and black colors of your costume. “You want to be in this. My Halloween costume contests always come with prizes, even if you don't win! ”  

“Really?” you asked. “Well what does the winner get then?” 

Karina grinned. “Y/N, I can’t just tell you what the winner gets,” she said. “Where’s the fun in that? Why not play to win and find out for yourself,” she said. The way she said it was sassy, almost flirtatious. Wait. There's no way Karina would be flirting with me, you thought. 

 “Hmm…” you said, pretending to mull it over while moving toward the kitchen sink, where the drink supplies were. You grabbed a black plastic cup and looked around for ice, but Karina came over beside you, interrupting your search. “Let me,” she said, gently plucking your cup out of your hands while Winter handed her a bottle of deep purple Empress gin. The gin’s purple color turned pinkish when she added a splash of lime and tonic water to the gin, but it remained largely purple even after ice was added too, letting you know the drink had way more alcohol than mixer in it. You went to take a sip, but Karina stopped you. “Wait,” she said, reaching for a small, plastic packet and ripping it open. 

“What's that?” you asked, tipping your cup away. 

“Relax,” Karina said, showing you a bit of the light, powdery substance in her palm. She dipped a finger in it and put it up to her lips, licking the substance off. “Edible glitter,” she explained. “See?” She dipped her finger back into the glitter and then held it up near your mouth. 

“Try it,” she said, and you found yourself obeying and opening your mouth for her, tongue slightly out. Karina lightly pressed the pad of her finger to your tongue, and a wave of heat rolled over you. If the edible glitter had any taste at all, it was completely overpowered by the salty taste of Karina’s fingertip. Karina’s eyes flicked from your tongue, then up at you. Your cheeks burned at the intimacy.  

“So… you'll be in the costume contest, then?” she asked, taking a small step back. You held out your cup for Karina to add some edible glitter to your drink, which she did. 

“Oh alright,” you said. “Why not?” 

The rest of the party was a blur. Karina insisted on making all of your drinks, leaving you beyond buzzed but feeling extremely sociable. You chatted with a girl dressed as a ‘hot version of Moo Deng’, danced and shouted ‘Yes, chef!’ with a few folks dressed as the cast of The Bear, and drunkenly gushed over a stunning sapphic couple dressed as Statue of Liberty Chappell Roan and Pink Pony Club Chappell Roan. On occasion throughout the night, Karina would steal you away to dance to Rob Zombie or Kim Petras. A few times while you danced, you'd find her suddenly behind you, hand lightly brushing over your waist. Your brain was operating at a hundred miles a minute, but you put it out of your mind so you could focus on meeting a few of Karina and Winter’s other mutual friends: a girl named NingNing who rocked a modern Cruella DeVil costume, and another girl named Giselle who was dressed as a high glam-drag version of HIM from the Powerpuff Girls– sans facial hair. 

Just after midnight, Karina gathered everyone for the costume contest in the spacious living room. You joined the other contestants in the center of the room: Statue of Liberty Chappell, hot Moo Deng, and Giselle. 

“Before we start,” Karina said, “I should let all of the contestants know that second and third place prizes will be given out here at the party, but first place will need to stick around afterward to claim the grand prize, okay?” The four of you nodded while the rest of the party attendees applauded lightly in anticipation. Fourth place wound up going to ‘hot Moo Deng,’ and Giselle took third. 

Karina presented Giselle with a plastic, orange pumpkin bucket intended for trick-or-treating. There was a couple handfuls of candy inside, but in addition to pumpkin-shaped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and candy corn, Karina and Winter had filled the buckets with mini bottles of alcohol, edibles, and liquid hydration packets. Then, Karina gave Giselle a celebratory strawberry lemon drop shot, which was, of course, perfectly pink to match her Glinda costume. Everyone clinked their plastic cups together, ready to take a sip of their drinks while Giselle had her shot. Her large claw attachments, though, made her unable to take the tiny shot glass out of Karina’s hand. For a supposedly good witch, Karina seemed extra amused by Giselle's struggle. With her other free hand, Karina held Giselle’s face, her thumb on one of Giselle’s cheeks, the rest of her fingers on the other. 

“Aw, does our big bad villain need some help?” she asked mockingly. Giselle feigned annoyance and nodded. Karina whispered something in Giselle’s ear then, and then Giselle rolled her eyes for real before opening her mouth. Everyone cheered as Karina knocked the shot back into Giselle’s mouth. Karina laughed, making a show out of having Giselle open her mouth again to prove she’d swallowed it all. 

Your hands started to sweat a bit while you and Statue of Liberty Chappell Roan waited to find out who the winner would be. You honestly had no idea which way the costume contest would go. You knew your costume was pretty good overall, but Statue of Liberty Chappell, whose real name was Moonbyul, had really gone all out, even painting herself the same color as the actual Statue of Liberty. To hype up the crowd, Karina took the partygoers’ temperature by standing behind Moonbyul, holding a hand over the girl’s head. 

“Who’s feeling sexy Statue of Liberty Chappell Roan?” she asked, and the crowd responded by applauding as Moonbyul posed, holding up her torch triumphantly. When the clapping died down, she moved behind you, and you knew her hand was hovering somewhere above your pirate hat. “What about our sexy Jackie Sparrow?” she asked, and the crowd erupted in louder applause, including a few wolf whistles from somewhere in the back. 

Karina grinned at the partygoers. “I thought so too,” she said matter-of-factly. “It looks like we have a consensus, then. Second place goes to Statue of Liberty Chappell Roan!” There was more applause, and Pink Pony Club Chappell, whose real name was Solar, shrieked in excitement for her girlfriend. Winter presented Moonbyul with her own plastic pumpkin bucket full of the same goodies Giselle had received. Another strawberry lemon drop shot was brought out for Moonbyul. But instead of letting Moonbyul take the shot herself, Karina held onto it. 

“Since it’s my party, I want to do things my way, tonight” Karina said. “So open up, Chappell,” she said, grinning mischievously. “Forgive me, Solar,” she said, turning back toward Pink Pony Club Chappell Roan for a moment before coaxing Moonbyul’s mouth open so she could pour the shot down Moonbyul’s throat. “Now for those of you who have been to my parties before, you know the second place winner usually also comes with a kiss from me, but girl…” Karina said, “Keep those green Statue of Liberty lips away from me! She���s alllll yours, Solar,” Karina said with a laugh. 

A kiss? ! What kind of costume contest between friends was this? Before you could ruminate on it, Karina was beside you, taking your hand and holding it up proudly. “And now give it up for this year’s costume contest winner!” The crowd roared with drunken cheers. You felt Karina’s hand near your thigh again. “Don’t you all just love this garter? I think it’s my favorite part,” she said, her fingers trailing over the black lace detail. Another strawberry lemon drop shot was handed to Karina, and she turned to face you. 

“You know the drill by now, don’t you?” she asked playfully. “Open up, Y/N.” The tart tang of lemon, alcohol, and a bit of sweetness from the strawberry burned while it made its way down your throat. She then leaned in, her lips brushing against your ear while she whispered to you. “You’ll get your prize later, okay?” 

The party reverted back to the way it was, but not for long. By the time 1:30 AM rolled around, the party was winding down as some partygoers headed out to make appearances at other parties, while others trickled out to hit the clubs before they closed. You collapsed on the couch, making conversation with the last few party stragglers while they gathered their shoes and costume parts, getting ready to leave. 

“Are you gonna be okay t’get home?” You looked up to see Giselle standing above you, swaying lightly, clearly a bit drunk. You sat up and nodded, scooching over so she could sit down and focus the remainder of her energy on ordering an Uber home. 

“This was sooo fun,” she said, her words blurring together a bit. She pulled off her costume’s red claw attachments so she could use her hands normally again. Then she turned to you. “Hey, we should go– er, hang out sometime,” she said. You almost missed what she said entirely, distracted by the sleek, black thigh high boots she was wearing and the way her red fishnets popped beneath them. And wait-- is that part latex? How on earth were all of Karina’s close friends this hot, too? 

“Hm?” you said, needing a moment to register what she’d just said. “Oh! I’d like that,” you said, smiling. Forgetting about the rideshare app open on her phone, she handed the small rectangle to you. “Put your number in!” she said, bouncing a bit. Her shoulder brushed against yours, sending a tiny, electric jolt through your right arm. You started to feel warm as Giselle rested her chin on your shoulder to watch as you swiped away from the pending rideshare pickup and tapped the phone icon to add your number. 

“Can I tell you something?” she asked, sitting back a bit when you were done. You returned her phone to her and nodded. “Karina’s into you,” she blurted. You threw Giselle a quizzical look while your heartbeat raced. “Wh-what?” you asked. “Where’d you get that idea from?” 

 Giselle just giggled to herself, rummaging through her bag to make sure all of her belongings were still present, then looped her arm through the handle of her Halloween bucket prize. “She does this every year,” she replied. “You’ll see. That glittery scepter of hers isn’t the only disco stick she likes to use.” She stood up, her driver just a minute or two away now. Giselle flipped her long, black hair back and gave you one last look over her shoulder. “She’d fucking kill me if she knew I said this…” she gave you one last onceover. “If you aren’t satisfied with your prize… let me know.” 

“Huh?” you said, but Giselle didn’t explain. She was already heading toward the front door, where Karina was hugging NingNing and Winter goodbye. Wait , you thought. Didn’t Winter live here? Why was she leaving? You looked around for any other remaining partygoers, but realized you were about to be alone. 

 “Sorry to keep you waiting,” Karina said apologetically, coming over to you after everyone was officially gone. You stood and walked with her into the kitchen. “Did you have fun?” she asked. She poured you a glass of water as you nodded. “Your friends are really nice,” you said, taking the cup from her. “Especially Giselle.” Karina’s eyes flashed with an emotion you couldn’t read, but then she recovered and smiled. “Don’t I know it,” she said. “They’re the best.” 

With the music at a much softer level and the purple and red LED lights off, the main floor of the apartment was dim and cozy, with the only remaining sources of light coming from the moonlight streaming in through the bay windows, the jack-o-lanterns on the fireplace mantle and the tiny, battery-powered fake flicker candles that stood on the edge of the steps leading upstairs. Your heart was pounding nervously in your chest now, unsure of what to expect. It was the first time you’d ever been alone with Karina in her apartment– normally Winter was there. 

“Hey, where’d Winter go?” you asked, trying to keep your voice casual. Karina shrugged a bit, walking back into the living room. “Oh,” she said, glancing back to make sure you followed her out. “She and NingNing decided to hit the club for a bit. I’m sure she’ll be back in a while,” she said. Anxiety quelled in your stomach. Something told you Winter would not be coming back anytime soon. 

Karina instructed you to sit back down on the couch. “Are you ready for your prize?” she asked, grinning, and you nodded a little. “You’re not going to like, have a man in a bloody clown costume jump out at me or anything are you?” you asked. Karina laughed. “Y/N! You're so funny right now. Are you nervous ?” she asked teasingly. 

“N-no, no,” you said. Of course Karina wouldn’t scare you, you thought. She was more into treats than tricks. Right? Before you could think it through, you found yourself adding, “If it’s anything like Moonbyul’s, I’m sure I’ll like it.” 

“Oh?” Karina asked, taking off her crown and shaking out her hair. “Why’s that?” 

You bit your tongue lightly as you watched her fingers run through her perfectly sleek, shiny hair. You absolutely could not say anything about her prizes coming with the promise of a kiss. Fuck . “Uh…” you lost your train of thought. “The…” 

Karina smirked a little, watching your wheels spin as you tried to come up with a response. “I see,” she said, cutting you off. “Y/N,” she continued, and you looked up at her. “Close your eyes and wait for your prize, okay?” You nodded, glancing down before closing your eyes. For a moment, everything was silent and still, and then you felt added weight on the couch. You caught a whiff of Karina’s perfume, letting you know she was beside you now. And then you felt something– no, not something, some one brush against your lips. Karina was kissing you . 

Desire spread through your body instantly. Your first instinct was to lean into it, but your head spun, and you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or Karina’s dizzying presence. You leaned back for a moment and your eyes fluttered open. Karina’s face was just inches away from yours. 

“Is this okay?” she asked you softly, and you nodded. She leaned in and both of your eyes closed again while she kissed you. Her lips were warm and her tongue tasted sweet as it brushed against yours. Before you knew it, she was stripping you of your pirate hat, tossing it aside as she helped you lay down on the couch. Karina hovered above you, pressing herself gently against your corseted abdomen. Your breath hitched a little, making your chest heave as Karina’s hands wandered over your body lightly. Her hair tickled the sides of your face, waterfalling back over her shoulders while the two of you continued to make out. All of your senses were overwhelmed by her– her scent, her taste, and oh god , her touch. 

But just a few minutes later, she stopped and sat up. “Are you alright?” you asked, slightly breathless. She nodded and stood, then helped you up. “How would you feel about getting out of these costumes?” she asked, her head cocked to one side. 

Before you knew it, Karina was leading you upstairs. You barely had time to recognize that you were in Karina's room. She turned on a bit of soft light placed strategically underneath her bed so it wouldn’t blind either of you. “Do you want the rest of your prize?” she asked you. You nodded. Karina looked you up and down. “Then turn around,” she said. You did so, confused for a moment, but then you felt a tug on your corset. Karina was undoing your costume. She made quick work of the corset and your blouse, leaving you naked from the waist up. You felt her fingertips trail over your shoulders and down your arms, but just as soon as she was touching you, she stopped. You heard the sound of a zipper from behind you, and started to turn around. 

“Ah, ah,” Karina said. “Not yet,” she said. You heard the sound of her dress fall to the floor and your heart skipped a beat in anticipation. Karina’s hands returned to your body as she gently slid down your maxi skirt and helped you out of your boots. Her fingers wandered back toward your neck to remove your pearl necklaces, but she left the black, lace collar. “Leave it,” she said when you brought a hand up to touch it. “I like it.” One of her hands gripped your waist while the other toyed with the black garter around your thigh. “Leave this, too…for now,” she murmured. Once the two of you were fully out of your costumes she pressed herself against you from behind. Her hands wandered over the front of your body and then suddenly, you felt it. You let out a small gasp. Karina was hard. 

Giselle’s disco stick comment echoed in your ear for a moment. “Y/N?” Karina’s lips were near your ear, her voice soft. “Are you okay?”  

You nodded wordlessly, resisting the urge to grind against her. Your mouth watered a little. “C-can I turn around yet?” you asked. Karina answered by physically turning your body to face her. You leaned in to kiss her immediately while also using one hand to reach forward, gingerly taking her cock in your hand. Karina moaned lightly as she kissed you, her hips jutting forward to meet your touch. The second Karina’s lips separated from yours, you dropped to your knees, curious to see what kind of other pretty sounds you could elicit from her. Karina let out a small huff of amusement, watching fixedly as you took her in your mouth. 

“Eager, huh?” Karina murmured. Her teasing was short lived though as you bobbed your head on her length. You grew wet quickly, shifting your position a bit to try and relieve the ache between your thighs. Karina ran her hands through your hair, gathering it at the back of your head in a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your face while you blew her. You quickly realized, though, her true intent was to be able to guide your mouth on her cock, testing to see how much you could handle. When she’d had enough, she pulled you up, only to push you back onto her bed a moment later. 

You were immediately hit by a wave of her scent, and then she was on top of you. She backed up a little and then leaned down, using her teeth to slide your garter down your thigh. Soon, it joined the rest of your costume on the floor while moved up and closer to you, kissing her way from your waist to your neck. You shivered a bit at her light touch, your hands weaving through her hair as she went. She used her knees to spread your legs, then pinned one of your wrists down to the bed. 

You wanted to hold Karina’s gaze when she finally slid into you, but after the first couple inches, your eyes rolled back and closed. Full . You were absolutely full of Karina. It took her a minute or so to bottom out in you. By the time she did, both of you were breathing heavily. You let out a tiny whimper the moment she started to move, and she consoled you with a few kisses while she slowly, slowly picked up speed. 

You felt magnetized to Karina as her body pressed tightly against yours while she fucked into you. Your wetness soon made it easy for her to pump her slick cock into you, and Karina took advantage of that. Her hips slammed into you as she went even faster, burying her head in your neck while your free hand wandered and explored over her body. 

You were lost in each other's rhythms and hungry, fervent sounds until suddenly, Karina slowed down significantly. “Shit,” she breathed, “Oh, fuck…” she pulled out quickly. She came on your near-ruined cunt, rope after rope of cum covering you. Watching her cum nearly sent you over the edge, but you knew you’d need more. 

The two of you said nothing for a few moments as you caught your breath, trying to wrap your head around the night. 

“Karina?” you said. 

“Y/N?” she replied in the same tone as you. 

“I’m…” you hesitated for a moment, but your aching cunt forced you to continue. “I’m on birth control– I mean, just so you know,” you said, your voice tapering off slightly. 

Karina’s eyebrows flew up, but then she grinned. She gently flipped you onto your stomach, rearranging you so your ass was up toward her waist. “Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “This time,” she said, lining herself up with your slick entrance, “I want you to touch yourself while I fuck you, okay?”

[sophie-frm-mars]

So I'm with a horrible GP gig economy app service where instead of one regular doctor I see every time I get a gachapon doctor from the doctor machine which works great except that it never does ever. It was pretty cool for a minute at the start of transition when I found out there was a tranny doctor with the service and I could book appointments with her, and it's been pretty cool generally getting next day appointments because they can just give you whoever, as long as the thing I need a doctor for is straightforward, but reader, let me let you in on a little secret about getting doctors to give you the healthcare you're entitled to when you're trans: fuck you ;)

Transplus, the gender clinic service I'm with, sent a letter in January to my GP to explain that because I'm on HRT I'm legally entitled to gamete storage via the NHS and to sort it out for me and Über for Doctors finally texted me this week and sent me a link to book an appointment with 3 available options, the latest of which was 6.45am, so I woke up at 6.30 and waited until 7 when I finally got a call

First I picked up and said hello and there was the sound of a beaver making a home for a beaver family of 4, then it stopped and she said hello can I speak to Sophia McAllister and I said yes hello that's me but the sound immediately started again we said "hello?" to each other a few more times and finally she said "how can I help you today?"

I said "I'm a trans woman and I'm trying to access gamete storage"

So she asks me "are you a woman who is becoming a man?" And I have to tell her no the other way around which makes her deadass ask "so what is being stored when you are getting gamete storage?" Like this GP has become a confused child in sex education class as soon as she has her first trans patient. As an aside here once it is this obvious your GP doesn't know that they're doing at all, they could at least just be clear about that, adopt a "we're in this together" attitude to your shared cluelessness, and it's infinitely worse when they try to maintain the authority

So then she asks me if I'm trying to donate sperm and I explain that I'm trying to store it so that l can have children in future, and she tries to tell me it should be part of transplus and here's the peachy part to that is I fucking agree it should be all part of one single trans healthcare service. Absolutely it should all be one single smooth integrated service but instead every single part of trans healthcare is scattered to the winds for you to collect like mystical puzzle shards. To get a vagina you have to go to the gender clinic, get referred to two different doctors who aren't at the clinic to give their opinions that you need a pussy, get referred back to the clinic who then give those endorsements to your surgeon, get a meeting with your surgeon where they assess your genitals at which point they'll tell you you need electrolysis to remove hair from the area, so then you go back to the clinic to get referred to the GDNRSS which is a government fund which has all the money which then allocates you the money so you have to go to the electrolysis clinic and book with them so that the money will be sent to them then you get electrolysis and then you go back to the clinic so they can tell the surgeon you're ready so the surgeon can tell the clinic to tell the money people to pay the surgeon who is, by the way, a private surgeon the whole time and always was, so you can finally have surgery. So yes, I agree that gamete storage should be part of trans plus. It should all be one single integrated thing, you should go to the gender factory and they should have everyone who makes trannies all there and you should walk out the other end with your fucking healthcare, but that's not how it works at all

So the GP wonders out loud if I should be "referred to psychosexual or" and I simply don't want to know what she means by that because I'm just trying to freeze my cum tbh

So I tell her again about the letter that transplus sent, and she reads it for what sounds like the first time and then she says that she doesn't know at all where we go from here, she's going to talk to the team(???) and get back to me(???) but it's been 3 months since transplus sent the letter in the first place

I'm just going back to trying hard not to think about any of my healthcare because if I do the waiting and the bullshit is going to drive me insane

[salesmancarddd]

The Glory dating headcannon

(Boys Edition) ☘️

Characters: Jeon Jae-jun,Joo Yeo-jeong,Son Myeong-o,Ha Do-yeong, Ha Do-yeong

Note: Reader gender is netrual, so this goes for everyone basically, if youre uncomfortable with any of these characters you can skip ☘️ also TW for some characters here

MASTERLIST SONG

Jeon Jae-jun

This guy has no experience when it comes to dating; his lifestyle has revolved around hookups and nothing more—until he met you.

At first, he treated you just like anyone else he had met. He had zero respect for you, only using you when it pleased him. Afterwards, he would buy you an expensive gift to make up for his behavior.

Eventually, you’ll become fed up with him and start ignoring him, realizing that you two weren’t really dating. Of course, he’ll be upset, but he won’t reach out; instead, he’ll find someone else. After some time, when he sees you talking and laughing with another guy, that’s when the alarm bells go off for him, igniting his rage.

Not only does he wait for the other guy to be alone so he can beat him up, but he also plans to ensure the guy never visits or talks to you again, let alone sees you. Later, he might come to your apartment, angry with bloody hands and looking for a fight. Before you even have a chance to react, he could grab your neck harshly and kiss you.

After everything that happens, he might try to change. He keeps you on a short leash to maintain control, still showering you with gifts—mostly to show off that he “owns” you. These gifts often include necklaces, rings, shoes, and bags. (Clearly, he's a red flag guy.)

Joo Yeo-jeong

He has no experience with dating; he's never had the time for it, and even if he did, he never wanted to date. Later on, he’ll learn about dating through you (dw, this guy has definitely watched romantic movies and Googled how to date).

This guy knows everything about you without you even telling him. He never mentions it, thinking it might creep you out, so he keeps it to himself.

He’s such a sweetheart, He definitely cooks for you and makes you tea when you're sick or when you come home from work. He gets a kick out of playing the role of a caretaker/doctor, always making sure you're healthy, and he frequently reminds you to take your vitamins.

However, there’s something a bit unsettling about him he definitely has a GPS tracker on your phone. He knows it’s wrong, but he wants to ensure you're okay. He trusts you, but he’s just paranoid about something happening to you or the possibility of you leaving him.

He always plans the dates, and everything has to go according to his plan. Whether it’s a fancy restaurant, nighttime park walks, or movies, you can bet he’ll make it happen.

Son Myeong-o

He has some experience when it comes to dating, but none of his relationships have been serious, they usually consist of one-night stands followed by quick breakups.

When he started dating you, it was awkward, and the relationship felt unstable. He occasionally buys you gifts or takes you out on dates, but you often struggle to find common topics to discuss.

He tends to be pushy, frequently expressing how much he loves you and how he sees a future together. However, coming from someone who sometimes behaves erratically, his words sound ridiculous to you.

He’s very protective of you and loves to show you off to others, highlighting how amazing and gorgeous you are. He likely carries photos of you in his wallet or on his tablet, even saving voice messages from your calls.

He never lets you meet his friends because he worries they might make fun of him for being involved with you. If they do talk negatively about you, he gets really upset. However, he'll stay with you no matter what, even until the end of his days.

Ha Do-yeong

He has experience from his previous blind dates and gained valuable knowledge from them. After his divorce with his ex wife, he started dating you since you both work in the same workplace.

Due to his past experiences with his wife, it took him some time to fully open up to you. He was interested in you, but he was still processing everything that had happened, and moving on was difficult for him. He wasn’t even sure if he truly loved his ex-wife or not.

When you first started dating, he was emotionally distant and rarely talked about his feelings, which led to problems in the relationship. He sometimes remained distant in general, until you confronted him about it. Once he realized the damage he was causing, he began to open up more.

Sometimes, you both would play Go, and he would teach you how to play until you eventually managed to beat him at the game. Regardless, you both enjoyed your time together, and eventually, you would make dinner together, eat, and then go to sleep. After that, he became more present in your life and even introduced you to his daughter.

Ha Do-yeong

This guy has experience in dating but has never genuinely cared for any of the relationships he's had, he only found enjoyment in them, especially in observing their reactions—whether happiness, sadness, or fear in their eyes.

Before he went to jail, he started dating you but viewed you as nothing more than a tool for his own purposes. No matter how hard you tried to connect with him, he would merely pretend like you "understand him", feeling pressure from your attempts to bond. He would buy you flowers and could be romantic at times, but he was also a very sadistic person.

He wanted control over your life to him, you existed solely for his enjoyment. This mindset led him to murder the guy you were speaking to. He wasn't discreet about the murder, in fact, he wanted you to feel that fear of him. His motive for killing wasn’t jealousy, but rather pure boredom.

Even though he is still in jail, he continues to write to you and often thinks about the fearful expression on your face the day you discovered not only that he had murdered one person, but two. Reading his letters is an unpleasant experience.

[freak-accident419]

when worlds collide (literally)

Josh Futturman x GN!Reader

Summary: As Josh had the audacity to change the radio station, depriving Wolf of the legendary sounds of Corey Hart, things begin to escalate. Once the car gets out of control, it accidentally collides into you.

Word Count: 2.5k

Content: gender-neutral reader, fluff, based on “We Live in Time”, minor car crash, strange meet cute, cursing, takes place in Future Man S1E04 “A Fuel’s Errand”, Josh drives a car instead of the Lyft, awkward but cute

(A/n: first fluff in MONTHS!!!!!! Thank you guys for being patient with me and still being here <3 In theory I might make a second part with smut but who knows :) i haven’t watched the movie yet so no spoilers please! i love you all, happy reading!)

-

“GUYS, FOR THE MILLIONTH FUCKING TIME, this is my dad’s car, so just be extra careful with it, okay?” Hushed Josh as he started the vehicle, setting the GPS to Lyle’s address.

As the trio found their TTD awfully low on Cameronium, Josh, Wolf, and Tiger went on a mission to obtain more. Hearing Tiger describe the biofuel, Josh was completely unable to identify it or its whereabouts. Luckily, he had connections; Josh knew that Tracy, one of the video game store clerks, had an ex-boyfriend, Lyle, who was some sort of chemist. Therefore, he could be a useful source to identify whatever the hell Cameronium was. Soon after retrieving the address, in which Josh had to expose his entire mission to the two unconvinced cashiers, the highly dysfunctional team would be on their way to find Lyle.

“You better not fuck this up again,” Tiger warns petulantly from the backseat (and very unhappy to be, at that), staring daggers at the back of Josh’s head.

“Oh, come on, Tiger, I’ve got us the address!” he reasoned tiredly, trying his absolute best to reinforce his dependability. “Because of me, we’re one step closer to getting our hands on Cameronium!”

Starting the engine, the radio turned on with it. The station was just in the middle of playing ‘Sunglasses at Night’ by Corey Hart, making Wolf’s eyebrows furrow in curiosity.

“What is this music, janitor?” He asks in a gruff voice as Josh drove out of his parking space, letting the GPS guide his way.

“Uhhh, this is Corey Hart,” Josh replies briefly, squinting from the California sun in his eyes, lowering the visor to give them shade.

Wolf continued to listen to the speakers admiringly. Finally something respectable in the year 2017 (which, ironically, was actually from 1983). “I like Corey Hart,” he says, prompting Josh to turn up the volume. He actually and genuinely likes something for once, he thought with relief.

And it was nice to see the previously apathetic sadist enjoy some tunes from the ‘80s, until he discovered the car’s replay button. The institute where Kyle was would be about half an hour away, and for the most part, Wolf had just been replaying the damn song every time it ended.

“Can we just—” Josh sighs as he reached for the skip button, his hand immediately being slapped away from Wolf.

“No.”

YOU WERE SO TOTALLY FUCKED.

Goddammit, did you have to sleep in this morning? This would be the hundredth damn time of the month you’d be late to work, and you couldn’t afford to show up tardy again.

You ran clumsily on the sidewalk, taking frequent sips of your coffee, which was stored safely in a stainless steel tumbler. You were making your way to your workplace as fast as you could, feeling as if your ankles could cramp up anytime. Your boss was quite brutal, and there was a slight chance you could even get fired from being late again, so you ensured that your journey there would be efficient.

After at least a minute of running, you were met with a damn intersection. In response to the light across the street that showed a big, orange palm, you smashed the crosswalk button multiple times and violently, expecting the light to change. And all you could hear was the robotic ‘wait, wait, wait’ every time you slammed it with your fist. God fucking dammit.

Well, actually…

There wasn’t much traffic at all in the intersection. Barely any cars, and even if there were, they would most certainly stop for you. You guessed it wouldn’t hurt if you made a run for it to the other side. Hell, people have done that shit before when you drove, and now it was time for you to cash in your right of way privileges. Would you rather be honked at by an angry driver or face the wrath of your unhinged boss?

Okay. Alright. Fuck this.

Letting your shoes drop from the sidewalk to the asphalt of the street, you began to walk, never once expecting what would happen next.

“Fuck, Wolf, let go of the wheel!” Josh exclaimed in terror as the vehicle skidded and squealed, moving dangerously fast down the narrow road.

“Not until you change it back!” Wolf retorts angrily after Josh had changed the station, tired of the soldier replaying the same damn song for several times in a row.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t even remember the fucking station! And I wouldn’t be able to tell which one it was since the next song is probably already—fuck!”

At the mere sight of you in the middle of the crosswalk, Josh slammed his foot on the brakes, causing a loud squeal from the tires. However, he wasn’t exactly fast enough because the car would collide into you before it would completely stop.

“HOLY FUCK—”

“OH, SHIT!”

***

PAIN WAS QUITE LITERALLY THE ONLY THING that you could feel. Like, everywhere in your entire body. That, and a really shitty migraine.

As you slowly woke up, you could feel an incredibly bright light against your closed eyelids, hearing a blaring, constant ringing in your ear. And when you gradually came to your senses, you could feel various bandages covering your body, wrapped snugly around your tender skin. And you were also…

in a chair.

Your eyes opened instantly. You were in a narrow hallway at a hospital, sat down in a goddamn chair. Some kind of transport chair with small wheels, at least. There was a row of normal chairs across from you. A person in that chair across from you. Also, your posture was literal ass. Why the fuck were you on a goddamn chair instead of an actual bed—

“Oh, shit—” Josh blurted as he realized you were awake, sitting up and fumbling with the objects around him.

You began to acknowledge the appearance of the stranger sitting in front of you, after hearing his sudden, muted curse. He was a young, boyish man, brunette, and there was an almost comical look of extreme fear in his eyes. He immediately sat up from slouching and tapping his foot the second he realized you were awake. Before the interruption, his phone had also been lazily held over his lap, the screen angled towards your line of vision. You quickly recognized that he was playing an online game of sudoku—struggling, as well. And at the moment, you couldn’t think about anything else except for the fact that he needed to place a seven beside that two.

He blinked at you, then noticed your face, whatever expression you had. Your face felt numb, but you presumed it instinctively reflected your internal thoughts, because he somehow read you right away.

“They, uh, they needed the bed back,” the man stuttered out, placing his phone back in his pocket.

Your eyes still scanned the white hallway, slightly turning your head to observe the many doctors and nurses rushing from one place to another. Then you looked back at the man in front of you again, curiously.

“I, uh,” he began once more, presenting a clear plastic bag in front of you. “This is what you had with you. Uh, your phone… which is… a bit cracked, actually. Damn. Uh, wallet. Oh, and uh,” he reached for a bigger item from the ground, holding it up, “a tumbler. Nice stickers, by the way.”

He was… painfully awkward, to say the very least, holy shit.

“U-uh, thanks,” you nodded, feeling your throat dry, as this was the first time you spoke ever since waking up. The man, seeing that you were in no condition to grab or even reach for your belongings in that plastic bag, set it on the empty chair to the left of him.

There was another pause, you hearing only the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above the two of you, alongside the swift footsteps or screechy wheels of gurneys at the end of the hall. You were unable to properly acknowledge anything at the moment because your mind was occupied with something entirely different. You had sensed an irritable thought lingering in your head until you instantly realized what it was.

“Seven,” you blurted out randomly.

“What?”

You cleared your throat. “Your sudoku. Seven should be under the two in the first column. That was your, uh, missing number.”

Josh immediately pulled his phone back out, opening his sudoku app. He tapped and typed in your suggestion before letting out a small gasp, either in surprise or relief. Both, actually, as the number you told him was correct.

“Oh,” he sighs.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, shit.”

You simply nodded.

“I’m, uh—I’m Josh, by the way,” he says, possessing a friendly smile on his face as he puts his phone away in his pocket for the second time.

Considering the very shitty position you were in, you appreciated his smile nonetheless and mimicked it.

“Y/n,” you answer softly. Josh smiled warmly and nodded at your response. That is, until you asked, “I, uh… Do I know you?”

His eyebrows raised with guilt, pupils looking anywhere but at you, until they mustered up the courage to at least glance at the tip of your nose.

“Oh, um… yeah, no, I uh…” he paused culpably. “I ran you over.”

Well, shit.

“Well, shit,” you mumbled.

And in this moment, you realized—pretty privilege really did exist in all possible scenarios.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” you reply, surprising him and even yourself. You normally wouldn’t let this slide, but you weren’t sure if it was the overwhelming lights, the morphine, or the guy’s stupidly charming face that drowned out any possible anger from you. Maybe it was just all of them combined. Anyways, you realized that this hospital visit would’ve given you a valid excuse to not only be late to work, but be a complete no-show. Hell, if anything, you felt grateful for this.

“So, um…” you began, “how did… I mean, did you not see me, or…?”

“Oh, uh,” he scratched the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I… My passenger was acting out because I changed the radio station. He has, uh… issues.”

“Wow...” It could’ve been a drunk driver. The sun could’ve been in his face. Hell, he could’ve pulled a Lucy Whitmore and dropped a CD in the car, but you could’ve nearly died because of a goddamn radio station?

“I changed the station after he looped the hell out of the song,” Josh adds.

“Jesus Christ,” you huff in disbelief. “How—How old is this passenger of yours anyway?”

“Uh, right… About… About ten…” he sighs.

“Yeah, I mean, that makes sense—”

“…years older than me,” he finished. Dammit. This literally could not get any worse.

“Oh—”

“In theory,” he adds, making you raise an eyebrow in bemusement. Realistically, since Wolf was from 2162, he would be, like… more than a hundred years younger than Josh. Of course, he couldn’t explain that to you. Hell, he thought he seemed crazy to you already. He probably already lost his chances with another cute person. And no, he wasn’t hoping to charm you just to avoid a large, angry fine. You were genuinely quite pretty to him.

“Oh—” Inappropriately, you felt a smile begin to form on your lips as you started to giggle. “Oh my god, what? You’re kidding, that’s—” As you chuckled, you felt your weak, stiff body vibrate. And consequently, you felt a sudden, unpleasant stab in your chest, hissing from the pain.

“Shit, are you okay?” Josh asks instantly, looking into your eyes with pure concern.

“Oh, yeah, no, uh, it just… hurts like hell whenever I laugh,” you huffed.

Guilt washed over him once again like a violent, mortifying wave as he remembered how much injuries you suffered because of him. “Fuck, I am so, so sor—”

“No, no, don’t worry,” you whisper, “I just… God…” A big, humored sigh left your lips as you gazed softly into Josh’s eyes. “Okay, what—what song was he even listening to?”

“Funnily enough, it was, uh… ‘Sunglasses At Night’ by Corey Hart.”

“Oh my fucking god,” you scoff, trying to hold yourself from laughing as you felt the sharp pain coming back. “Jesus Christ, you’re kidding me, right? Why—Why would anyone in their thirties throw a tantrum over Corey Hart?”

“I know, this guy’s just…” Josh twirled his finger by his temple, signifying that his passenger was indeed “cuckoo”.

You scoffed in amusement by his gesture, and then the two of you were silent after. Just smiling at each other, gazes switching from the floor, to the walls, back to one another’s eyes. You enjoyed his company, actually, and he definitely enjoyed yours too.

“Oh,” Josh mutters in recollection, grabbing your attention. “So—so anyways, uh… Are you… Are you gonna sue me?” He asks with slight caution in his face, his big eyes softening with furrowed eyebrows. “Because, uh, I understand that, but—”

“Can I be completely honest with you?” You interject with a weak chuckle as the brunette gives you a nod. “If anything… I’m kinda… grateful that you hit me with your car.”

Josh’s eyes widened immediately. “Seriously?” He scoffs in disbelief, unsure if you were joking or being morbidly serious.

“Look, it’s—it’s ridiculous. I was, uh, on my way to my job… Actually, I was terribly late, I slept past my alarm again, I literally had to run to my workplace, and then… Then I had to, uh, jaywalk, which, um, definitely explains this… predicament. So it’s not entirely your fault. But… yeah. I mean, I was on my… like, millionth late strike this month and my boss is a total asshole. Luckily, I have an actual excuse to not show up this time, so… he can’t exactly yell at me for being run over.”

“Wow,” Josh replies shortly.

You sucked the air between your teeth. “Yeah.”

“I mean, I get it,” he remarked with a shrug, recalling how Stu Camillo replaced Kronish, which was a result of him meddling with the past. “I have an asshole of a boss now too.”

“Hm, really?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he chuckles.

The two of you shared another friendly, soft glance as a contented sigh left your lips afterwards. “Well… Thank you, Josh, for… well, running me over and therefore helping me avoid the wrath of my boss.”

“You’re welcome,” he says hesitantly, “I… think?” God, he was actually charmingly adorable. You really couldn’t even consider suing that face.

“Yes,” you grin widely, “and if it makes you feel any better, you were way more pleasant than that one guy I had a fender bender with.”

Josh laughs softly. “Yeah?” You nodded in response.

There was another pause, a comfortable moment of silence between the two of you as both of your faces turn flustered.

“Look, I’d—I’d feel bad if I didn’t at least offer something to you, other than paying for your hospital bills, of course, but my work has this holiday party coming up in a few days. Maybe I can bring you along? I just—I really wanna make this up to you. It’s—it’s nice, there’s drinks, food, is that—does that seem good?” He fiddled with his fingers as he spoke, hoping you’d be content with his proposal.

You smile brightly, almost in disbelief as you were given the offer. “That sounds lovely.”

“Great! Great, uh, I’ll—I’ll text you the information. Can I… get your number?” He asks, getting his phone out from his pocket for the last time.

You agreed cheerfully as you began to list the digits in your phone number. “You gonna send me your insurance and plate number too so I can properly report you for this?”

Josh tensed up at your words, which were amusing only to yourself. “I—”

“I’m just messing with you,” a giggle left your lips as the man in front of you sighed in relief. “I’m sorry.”

“No no, I deserved that,” he chuckles softly. “So… Will I be seeing you there?”

You smiled widely. “You will.”

[crguang]

Hi there, may I make two requests for the event you're running? Both are NSFW and based on prompts from the smut list. Although I'd prefer a male reader, a gender neutral reader is perfectly okay too.

1. Kafka x Reader, based on the "Show me how much you missed me." prompt (No.33).

2. Himeko x Reader, based on the "Are you holding back? Don't." prompt (No.47)

i’m a lesbian so i don’t write for male readers, but i can absolutely do an amab, gn!reader if you want. those prompts made me giggle and twirl my hair a bit.

cw: blowjob (kafka), penetration (himeko), amab/gp!reader, gn!reader, sub!himeko, dom!kafka

Strands of soft hair tickle your nose as it burrows into perfumed, tender skin and Kafka’s throaty chuckle sounds near your ear. You ignore the amusement and smugness radiating off her in waves, holding her tighter by the waist instead. You can deal with her cocky ways if it means having her close this way; her ankles and arms are loosely locked around your frame while she sits on the kitchen counter, reveling in your attention. Fingers splayed out to feel more of her, your hands travel up and down the expanse of her back with little pressure. Your lips brush against the crook of her neck, your chest pressed to hers, and you breathe in slowly to soothe the longing that has overcome you since her departure for the latest mission Elio gave her. It’s been over a week since then. Though you haven’t admitted it in words, your feelings were obvious to her when she strolled into the kitchen earlier to greet you, her discarded coat hanging on her forearm, and you instantly pushed her against the counter to trap her in your arms. You can’t see her face but you’re able to picture her smile clearly, you know that despite it being self-assured, you’re not the only one she’s indulging right now. Her head tilts slightly and you press a revering kiss to her skin.

“So clingy,” her teasing words drip with mirth, “it’s only been a week, you know.”

“Don’t care.” A hand trails around her waist to grip it. The tip of your nose nuzzles further into her, widening a smile you can’t see. She often smells sugary with a bitterness impossible to ignore, tobacco paired with sweet floral notes usually linger on her clothes. The familiar scent is comforting and intoxicating at the same time, which describes her perfectly.

Kafka leans back a little and her gloved fingers sink in your hair, guiding your face away from her neck. Now that you’re facing her, by her silent request, the soft color gradient of her contact lenses lure you in and you can’t look away from her teasing expression.

“I didn’t even get a hello,” her mouth curves into a playful pout, the hand in your hair slipping to curl around the back of your neck.

“Hello.”

“Were you thinking about me while I was gone?”

Her ego doesn’t need any more stroking. Your eyes drop to her stretched lips for a moment instead of answering her question (to which she already has the answer) before coming back up to meet her knowing gaze. You’re close enough to see where gentle lilac becomes seductive pink. You want to kiss her until the breath leaves her lungs and her chest heaves from the lack of oxygen, so you do. Kafka welcomes your mouth on hers like she awaited it, her lips part to lock with yours and she lets you kiss her languidly, hurriedly, as if she planned on running away from you. A low hum gets stuck in her throat. She brings you closer by the nape, easily matches your pace and slips her tongue in your mouth to draw a sweet, lustful noise from you. Your palms brush against her hips and travel up her waist, then trail down to her spread thighs, squeezing them once. Her taste is dizzying in the best way and you quickly grow greedy for more of her. You fiddle with the straps of her shirt as her mouth moves in tandem with yours, swiftly unclasping the ones around her neck and on her collarbones, before untucking it out of her high-waisted shorts. Your hands sneak under her shirt to make contact with the smooth plane of her stomach. You feel Kafka smile wide at your eagerness. Your lips leave her mouth to kiss her jaw and her head tilts to the side almost instinctively.

“Mmm…” Kafka hums when you reach her chest and take handfuls of her breasts over her bra.

“I missed you,” you mutter into her skin, pressing a disorganized pattern of chaste kisses down her jaw to her neck.

“Yeah?”

Kafka feels your shoulder blades beneath her hands, gaze lidded and unfocused as you taste the fragrance on her skin, and they wander between your bodies to toy with the waistband of your pants. She revels in the way your breath hitches slightly and you stiffen under her teasing fingers. You’re always very easy to rile up, but your words must carry nothing but truth if a few kisses and touches are getting you hard this fast. She can’t help the quiet chuckle that escapes her. One hand slips into your pants to palm your growing bulge and her lips part in a silent exhale at the feel of you. Your head lifts, her mouth brushes the supple cartilage of your earlobe, and her next words make you shiver.

“Show me how much you missed me.”

You’re only a little embarrassed at how aroused that made you. You can’t dwell on the feeling too long because it’s replaced by a pleasant buzzing in your stomach as her fingers slither past your underwear to firmly wrap around your length. You swallow a pitiful moan and tilt her chin towards your face with a hand, capturing her lips in a heady kiss to muffle the noises threatening to spill from your mouth. Your breath quickens; you can barely focus on breathing in and out, too consumed by the digits grasping you, sliding up your shaft then back down to tease the base in practiced, leisure motions. She pumps you to full hardness, cutting off your low moans by pushing her tongue past your lips. Her thumb swipes over the mushroom head, already leaking with pre-cum, and even she can’t contain the needy sound that leaves you. You have to pull away from her hungry mouth to bring the air back into your lungs. Your fingers dig into the plush of her thighs. You bury your nose into the crook of her neck, feeling her unsteady pulse, the only sign that she’s just as affected by her ministrations as you are. Your teeth graze her neck when the pad of her digit presses down on your tip and you know you won’t last long like this. Your orgasm builds in the pit of your belly with the help of her expert hand; the soft material of her glove creates wonderful friction against your throbbing cock and your hips twitch involuntarily, seeking more of her touch. The thought of making a mess all over her precious glove, of covering her hand with the sticky, warm substance of your cum almost pushes you over the edge. Kafka works you up so well, so effortlessly, because she knows your body by heart. Her free hand gris your hair and tugs your head backwards to expose the hollow of your throat. The one around your length squeezes you teasingly.

Her husky voice reaches the deepest corners of your mind, “So needy… I bet you touched yourself just like this, waiting for me to come back. Did you?”

Her eyes glint in the kitchen light but you don’t see it because yours are shut tight. You can only moan wantonly as her pace quickens and she masturbates you to oblivion. Your brain is numb when you come into her hand, desperately grasping her thighs to keep yourself upright, hips bucking towards her. Spurts of cum coat her fingers and she slows her pace to a soothing one, feeling your hard cock twitch against her palm. Her cunt throbs in her panties at the sight of you reaching your peak, arousal seeping into the material and making her shift on the counter. After a moment of letting you catch your breath, Kafka pulls her hand out of your pants and spreads her sticky digits to see how they glisten in the light.

You watch with lidded eyes as she inspects her hand and sighs in faux-exasperation, “I”ll have to wash them. Again.”

Himeko is a work of art meticulously crafted by time, painted with the carefulness and precision of a sculptor. From her fiery locks of hair to her gentle temperament, you regard her as a being that transcends reality; the word “angel” is not strong enough and doesn’t take into account her ruthlessness. She’s an entity akin to the sun, you think, brilliant and impossible to overlook. She waves her hand dismissively and laughs quietly when you tell her these things, a rosy tint to the tip of her ears as she calls you a flatterer, but you always mean your words. She’s beautiful in every way and worthy of only the most devout form of worship.

Your lips revere her with all the patience you can muster, kissing the hollow of her throat and the underside of her jaw, even if your fingers twitch to have her a gasping mess under you. Her hands hold onto your bare back, her head tilts to give you better access to her skin, and with only a few gentle kisses you can feel her desire growing steadily. Her breaths are audible above your ear and her exhales get longer with every kiss pressed to her pulse point. She has a sensitive spot where her neck meets her right shoulder, you softly suck at the skin there, grazing your teeth on the reddened surface in a bite that doesn’t hurt too much, then lick the residual pain away. Her nails briefly sink into the flesh near your spine before her grip loosens and her palms travel down your back in soothing patterns. You raise your head to look at her.

Himeko meets your eyes, lips slightly parted, gazing up at you the same way she takes in the sight of a beautiful planet— her irises take the color of glimmering ambers and in the depths of these gemstones lies tenderness so genuine it warms every crevice of your body. You cup her cheek, enjoying the warmth under your palm, and lower your head to press your lips to hers. The kiss is firm and gentle because it’s your first instinct to handle her carefully, like porcelain, but she’s the one who deepens it by swiping her tongue on your bottom lip. By the way she languidly slides the muscle over yours to taste you and runs her hands all over your back, you can tell she’s getting a bit needy. It’s endearing and stokes your own desire to make her feel so good she forgets her name. You use two fingers to tilt her chin upwards so you can kiss her better, deeper, the way she clearly wants it. Her breath is stolen away, swallowed by your heady kisses until her head spins and her chest heaves against yours. You separate from her mouth as your hands rake up her nightgown to pull it and its thin straps over her head. Himeko doesn’t shy away from your lustful gaze, only brushes your neck and collarbones with her fingertips.

“You’re so gorgeous, Hime…” your words are a reverent murmur, filled to the brim with awe. You feel the skin of her hips, her soft stomach, her flushing chest.

Himeko doesn’t respond, sucking in a breath at the sensation of your thumbs over her hardening nipples, but there’s appreciation in her eyes as she memorizes your every feature. Her legs shift under you in an attempt to squeeze her thighs together. You’re lying between them, so she can’t do anything to relieve the pressure between her thighs. You watch your fingers toy with her pretty pink buds, twisting and pinching until a breathy whine leaves Himeko’s lips. You can’t resist bringing your mouth to her chest, laving up her rosy skin and holding her head breasts in your hands to fondle them tenderly. You suckle a nipple, lashes fluttering at the feeling of having it on your tongue, and you’re rewarded by a saccharine moan only your girlfriend could produce. She shifts again, unconsciously squeezing her thighs around your frame. Her fingers burrow into your hair to hold you against her. You make sure to leave no breast unattended, fondling and massaging the one you’re not wetting with your tongue. Himeko makes the prettiest noises, breathy “mnnh…”’s and “hahh…”’s that encourage you to give her everything she wants. She knows this and actively uses it against you in moments like these, when you look up at her to hold her gaze and she lets out a moan bordering on obscene. You feel yourself getting hard, and by the way her eyes shine with amusement, she can feel it too.

You pull her into another heated kiss. A hand reaches down to graze the outline of your bulge over your boxers and Himeko swallows the noise of surprise that spills from your lips. She palms your length as you kiss her, wanting to make you as needy as she is so you’ll fuck her like she wants. You let her, focused on her plush breast beneath your palm and her hot mouth on yours. Your breaths mingle, her tongue wets your lips and makes your kisses messy. You grow hard under her touch and your patience wanes with each teasing stroke of her fingers on your clothed cock. Saliva connects your mouths as you pull away to remove the offending garment that is your underwear. Himeko regards you with a lip between her teeth and anticipation in the form of a shiver running down her chest. You settle comfortably between her legs, kneading the flesh of her thighs before pinning them to the mattress and earning a delicious moan from your girlfriend in the process. You love how vocal she is, how she never hides her excitement or tries to conceal how good you make her feel. You stare at her pretty cunt for a moment, observing the way it glistens with her arousal. You feel a touch smug knowing she gets this wet for you, slick staining her inner thighs and ruining the sheets beneath her. Two fingers run down her puffy slit and slip between her folds.

“Mmn…” Himeko breathes out, eyes briefly lifting to the ceiling before gazing back at the way you massage her pussy and swallowing hard. “Hah… a-ah…”

You circle her clit a few times, feel it twitch under the pad of your finger, and you have to restrain yourself from burying your cock inside her and fucking her dumb.

“Don’t tease… I need…”

Seems like she wants the same thing you do. Still, you’re gentle as you wrap your hand around your length and align the tip with her dripping entrance. You inch into her slowly, biting back a strangled moan at the sensation of her warm, wet cunt enveloping you. Himeko whimpers and grasps at you with restless hands. You hover over her, planting a hand on the bed to support your body and the other on her love handle to help her take all of you. You bottom out inside her, throbbing cock nestled deep into her. Her arms rest around your back, holding you as close as possible, and you groan when her pussy flutters around you. Your hips buck into her, the pace of your thrusts nice and steady. Himeko’s little moans and whines drive you insane. Her lips are forever parted to allow shaky, uneven puffs of breath to leave her mouth. You’re not quite drilling into her, but she squeezes you so tight the feeling is the same.

A hand tilts your chin to face her flushed cheeks and shiny lips. “Are— mnh— Are you holding back? Don’t.”

The soft plea sucks the breath out of your lungs. You feel your cock throb and her cunt do the same, and you stop handling her like she’ll break any second. Himeko’s stronger than people give her credit for, it oftens goes unnoticed because of her kind personality but she’s the strongest of you all. You thrust into her hard, your tip hitting that sensitive spot inside her that turns her into a whimpering mess. She feels so warm, so good, you can’t contain a low, choked moan as you fill her up. Sweat clings to your bodies and her slick trickles down your shaft, the room fills with the sweet sounds of Himeko’s needy whines. Her breasts follow every thrust of your hips, nipples like gems on her chest. You feel your belly tighten, the coil inside taut and ready to snap in two. Her cunt sucks you in like she never wants to be apart from you, like she’s scared you’ll pull out and leave her empty.

You don’t know who comes first; your hips stutter and your pace falters as you finally burst, and Himeko comes with a long, drawn out moan, creaming on your cock. You make her feel so full, spurts of your release hit her inner walls and fill her pussy with your cum. She rides her orgasm by meeting each weakened thrust with her own, body shuddering and eyes squeezed tightly shut. It takes her a while to catch her breath, she keeps you close to her until she does, reveling in the feeling of your cock this deep inside her. You’re both panting a little and you nuzzle into her neck like a satisfied pet. Your weight on her is comforting, so she brings your body flush against hers with the arms around your back.

“I try so hard to be gentle with you and you pull this,” you mutter against her sweaty skin, prompting a musical laugh from her.

“I never asked you to be gentle.”

Your head lifts to look at her cheeky smile. “Don’t say things you’ll regret.”

You feel her cunt clench around you and raise a smug eyebrow. Himeko cups your cheek, gaze dropping to your lips. Her legs wrap around your waist, trapping you inside her. She leans closer to you, her breath fanning over you, and your lips brush with each word she utters.

“You underestimate me, sweetheart.”

[ciahasnolife]

I knoooow, I should post the second part of the loscar fic but... I might've or might not have been working on a lestappen omegaverse fic?

So here's a wip of it

So the problem with being an omega while everyone thinks you're an alpha is that they treat you like an alpha. It's not like Max wanted any special treatment, exactly the opposite of that. That's why he hid his secondary gender from the public who just then assumed he's an alpha. With his board shoulders, his careless reputation towards the media and with his bluntness it was logical. Since the FIA and pretty much everyone in the paddock already knew, he doesn't have to tell the world which he is grateful for.

He would hate being pictured as a fragile, weak person who needs someone to take care of him. He is a lot of things but weak is not one of them. But sometimes - just sometimes - when people boo at him for example on the podium at the Miami GP, he just wants to hide in his nest, curled around his boyfriend, who would then draw circles on his back with his other hand soothingly in his hair.

There are two problems with that. One is that he for obvious reasons can't do that and the other is that he doesn't have a boyfriend. He doesn't want to share with anyone that he's an omega because of the fear of them telling the whole world if something goes wrong between them, his father made sure he developed this fear very soon after he presented as an omega. His father was so angry and ashamed of him because of something he couldn't even change. So now, he doesn't really trust anyone except for the ones who already know, not that he would have the time for dating, he's too busy breaking records.

Besides, he wouldn't want anyone else but a certain man with the most charming style you've ever seen and his hot accent, a dream come true. Of course, with a personality and looks like that, the alpha has omegas after himself 24/7. Max couldn't even stand a chance.

The point is, that when people whistle or boo at him, he just wants to hide away. Under the covers or preferably behind the alpha but of course in those moments he can't do either.

So when he's about to do his interview, which he doesn't want either and if neither the fans are interested, they could all just leave it, but no, the fans have to boo at him and whistle and make him feel bad because neither of the Ferrari drivers could catch him, he couldn't be more grateful for Charles to shush them. And if he's being completely honest, it makes him fall for the monégasque even more.

He shoots a quick smile at the other and does his interview then goes on with his day like he always does on quali days. Team debrief, stay in with GP to find the perfect strategy for tomorrow's race, go back to the hotel, get the scent blockers off and go shower. What he doesn't expect is a message waiting for him as he gets out of the shower from someone who makes his heart flutter.

Hey, just wanted to check on you, if you're okay?

Charles:

I know that the Italian fans can be a bit harsh on everyone who isn't at Ferrari.

I'm sorry they're so mean to you :(

And Max can't believe his eyes. Because one, did Charles really waste even a minute on texting him instead of basking in the love of the Tifosi and two, was that a sad face?

He just shakes his head and replies.

Yeah, everything's alright.

Max:

Thanks for shushing them, means a lot

The last bit gets deleted before he sends it. Not like it doesn't mean a lot, he's just afraid that he's giving away too much and the younger will learn about his embarrassingly huge crush on him.

He doesn't think too much of it though just makes his way over to his suitcase to get a fresh pair of boxers out of it.

But as he goes back to the bed and picks his phone back up with his WhatsApp with the monégasque still open, he sees the three dots pop up and then disappear only to reappear seconds later.

It makes the omega curious because even if they’ve been on good terms, friends even with the other for a while now they don't really talk outside the track on race weekend so the first message was already unexpected just as it was also sweet of the alpha to check on him, Max can't even take a guess on what the other would want from him.

As he was thinking the text finally came in so he checks it with a bit too much enthusiasm. And Max once again can't believe his eyes.

Which hotel you're staying at?

Charles:

Just as he goes to reply, another bubble comes up.

Fuck, no, that sounded weird.

Charles:

I meant if I could come over to keep you company and I could also get away from the fans waiting for my every move under my window.

It is of course okay if you want to be alone I totally understand that too

Just thought we could hang out a for a bit play

With each mesaage his eyes open wider. Surely Charles finally lost his mind. I was only a matter of time anyway with the shitbox he has under him. He, however, doesn't want to be rude so he sends out a message that - hopefully - doesn't give away too much of how excited he is.

Sure, I have my FIFA on me if you're in the mood of losing

Max:

He can only hope that the other gets the joke because Max has been told that he's a dry texter several times. But today, luck decided to be on his side.

Ooh, it's on

Charles:

Send the address, Verstappen

If you dare;)

And with a grin that could blind the Tifosi camping outside the alpha's hotel, Max sends the address.

[luvmyoui]

four - why?

previous masterlist next

gp!myoui mina x fem!reader

warnings: toxic relationship, cursing, infidelity, sexism, pregnancy, teacher x student thing (v brief), mentions of sex, tell me if there's anything else!

word count: 2,313

a/n: PLEASE tell me m if this is going too fast, i feel like it is but i need an opinion frm someone reading it, bcz i have a faint idea but i think im going too fast yk?

before mina’s birth, due to the ultrasound pictures, mina was thought to be a boy. unlike most intersex girls, there was nothing unusual about her anatomy. when mina was born, she was recognized as a male and grew up being treated as one. mina wasn't always as bad as she grew up to be, in fact it wasn't until she started spending more time with her grandparents that her view on others changed. 

mina’s grandparents were very old fashioned, they had strong beliefs and they tried their best to instill them in mina. due to the time spent with her grandparents mina eventually started acting the way they did and started to believe the same things as them. they believed that women were meant to stay home and take care of the children while her husband provided for her. their beliefs were passed down to mina who was the sole heir of the family, having had no cousins or siblings. 

7th grade, that's around the time where most hit puberty. the same was for mina, when she turned 12 she finally hit puberty, but it didn't go exactly as expected. 

“dad, my chest keeps getting fatter but i'm not fat, it’s like i'm growing boobs!” mina exclaimed to her father, she had never been more confused. what was going on?

the thought of mina being intersex had never crossed her fathers mind before the day this happened. It also could have been just the hormones from mina hitting puberty which was causing her to grow breast tissue. due to the fact that there could be 2 explanations to this mina’s father saw it best to have her tested. It may have just been her hormones, but just to be safe he decided to get her tested. 

when the results came back it was uncovered that mina indeed was intersex. this information came as a shock to everyone in the myoui family, especially mina. 

“does that mean my dick will fall off?! am i gonna become a girl?!” was what mina first said when she was told that she was indeed intersex and she was growing breasts. 

“listen kiddo, your penis isnt gonna fall off. and technically you are a girl, but that won't change anything. you're still you.” mina’s father replied, trying to comfort her. 

due to how many changes mina was going through because of her gender identity her parents decided to move to a new city to allow mina a fresh start. in mina’s new school she presented herself as a female saying that she didn't want to be trans and she would stick to the gender she looked like. 

mina had never experienced something like changing schools, she didn't know anyone there.  people had tried to bully her, tried to insult her. but it had always backfired, mina would never allow any disrespect towards her. especially from someone below her. mina often got into trouble, but her parents always bought their way out of it. 

mina always seemed to be stirring up trouble at school, her parents figured it was because she didn't have anything else to do. due to this thought they put her in boxing, she seemed to like starting fights so maybe boxing would work as an outlet for her anger instead of her classmates. when proposing the idea, mina was ecstatic, she could now learn new ways to beat up the kids in her school.

despite her hard and mean demeanor, mina fairly quickly rose to be the most popular in her school. It had always been like that, mina being the most popular and sought out student by others. being the most popular girl in her school and the prettiest, she had many admirers, majority of them being males. her many male suitors quickly diminished though, when she was caught in the boys locker room comparing sizes with the quarterback. 

ever since that day it was made known to everyone that mina had a dick, and a big one at that. 

mina’s popularity wasn't just among her peers, mina was also quite popular among the teachers. she always turned her work in on time and was constantly participating during class. not only was she an exceptional student, but the money her teachers were gifted during teacher appreciation week made them like her all the more. for this reason whenever mina would get into trouble with other students the teachers would often turn a blind eye or take mina’s side. along with being arguably the most favored student, there were many rumors that she was favored in other ways too. 

“hey mina, you know the new teacher, the hot one?” shawn asked, the quarterback of the football team and mina's best friend. 

“yeah, i have her for history, why?” 

“you’re always talking about how you can pull any girl in the school, so i dare you to fuck her and record it.” shawn said to mina and her eyes widened in shock, this was only their sophomore year. how early did he want her kicked out? 

“fuck, okay. by next month ill get you a video of that bitch sucking my dick.” mina responded, she would never turn down a dare, especially one that included fucking someone. 

and true to her word by the next month she had sent a video into the group chat with all her friends of the said teacher on her knees sucking minas cock. It made sense to them that the teacher would sleep with mina but to let her record it? everyone was baffled at how she did it. In response mina just said that the teacher obviously didn't know she was being recorded. the video for obvious reasons didn't make it out of the group chat but it did cause many unconfirmed rumors amongst the students. 

although mina was known for fucking around, and never taking anyone seriously, that all changed when she met y/n. y/n was different, her beauty was on another level. The moment mina laid eyes on y/n she knew she was done for. that was the moment her reputation changed from fuckboy to lovergirl. she pursued y/n for months before she was given a chance but even while pursuing y/n there was nothing more that mina would want to do. y/n was it for her, she knew she wanted forever with y/n. 

mina had never acted this way, she would skip out on parties to spend time chasing after y/n. she refused all advances from other girls saying she was taken, it might not have been official but the moment mina saw y/n she was taken. It wasn't like you were a nobody either, everyone knew the y/n l/n you were only second to mina in popularity. mina for some reason had never noticed you, too focused on her own life; she never knew of your existence until she saw you laughing with your friends at a party. 

dating someone like mina wasn't always the easiest thing, mina had this huge superiority complex. your relationship with her was always you compromising on things. she acted as if she owned you, you weren't allowed to have any male friends, but she was allowed to be friends with anyone. 

mina would never tell you, but she liked the power trip she got whenever she was with you. you were the perfect girlfriend, you never complained, and you always did what she said. mina never wanted to lose you, no matter how it seemed or how she treated you she knew that she’d never find someone like you. 

when you had first told her you were pregnant mina couldn't believe it, it was like a dream. she had always wanted kids, especially with you. You were her girl and you were gonna have her baby. she honestly had no bad intentions, she always loved kids, having a son was always something she wanted.

the day she was told you were pregnant she called her grandparents, they were in japan so she couldn't personally meet them but she wanted their advice. the one person mina respected the most was her grandfather, and now that she was going to have a kid she wanted his advice. her grandfather told her that she should treat her girlfriend exceptionally because she was carrying the next generation. he told her that having a son was the best gift she could be blessed with. 

with her new found advice and information mina tried her hardest to be an amazing girlfriend to y/n. she obviously wouldn’t lie and say she enjoyed staying up at night while y/n cried and vomited but she still loved y/n and her child on the way. sometimes she would question herself and why she was even doing all this, why she was missing out on sleep for this stupid reason. y/n could do this herself, why did she always insist on mina staying up with her. mina never voiced these thoughts but they stayed on her mind.

mina felt so accomplished when she found out that she had in fact gotten y/n pregnant, and not only that, y/n was also going to keep the baby. all of her friends were surprised when she told them and didn't believe that mina had in fact knocked up the y/n l/n. y/n was known for her reputation of being a virgin and never getting intimate with anyone, much less getting pregnant. 

when the baby was born and the gender was seen to be a girl, mina was incredibly disappointed. she knew that y/n could have another baby but mina knew y/n would never agree to it. she resented y/n, it wasn't the child's fault for being born the way she was, it was y/n’s fault. deep down mina knew that no one was to blame but she could help but need someone to blame. 

maybe that's what led her to seek comfort in the arms of another, y/n’s body wasn't as desirable as it used to be. you had gained weight due to the pregnancy and mina hated that, she would often make comments on your body and weight in hopes that you would change it. the change was taking too long and mina was getting tired of waiting. she had needs and if you couldn't fulfill them she would have to find others to. 

mina tried to tell herself that it was you who made her do this, it was you who forced her into doing this. she left the home when you were sleeping and left to go to a party, ‘this is y/n’s fault, it’s on y/n’ is what she’d repeat to herself. she found someone pretty in no time, and she dragged them up to one of the rooms not letting her lips leave their skin. 

as she fucked the other girl all she could think of was you, the way your eyes squinted as you laughed, the smell of you, the way you said her name. she couldn't do this. mina didn't realize it, but the tears were pouring out of her eyes and onto the back of the girl under her. she never hated herself more, she wanted to throw up. She hadn’t drank anything, but she felt sick to her stomach. she pulled out and pulled up her pants, the other girl was confused and as she went to ask mina what happened mina left. 

she went back to her shared apartment with you and showered, she needed to wash it off, she felt disgusted with herself. how could she have done this, she sat in under the shower crying to herself. she hated herself for what she had done, she never thought of herself as cruel but there was no other word to use for her actions other than cruel. 

her skin was all pruned up by the time she exited the shower, she laid behind you in bed crying quietly into your shoulder. feeling the wetness on your shoulder you slowly stirred awake and turned around to see mina crying. she refused to tell you what upset her but she kept repeating ‘i love you’ and ‘i'm sorry’. you had no idea why she was saying this but you just wrapped your hands around her as she buried her face in your neck. 

after that day mina changed, it was a confusing change, and it led you to believe that mina was now cheating on you. after that day mina started acting more distant. you didn't know what happened but you could smell perfume that wasn't yours on her clothes when you washed them. mina was confused, maybe if mina was a different person she would've found herself wrong and changed. but in the end mina was still mina and she kept the thought that you made her do it in her head. the cheating stopped, but the way she treated you stayed the same. 

the thought that mina was mistreating you never crossed her mind once, you were made to take care of children, to cook, and to clean. her telling you to do this was the bare minimum, in mina’s eyes she treated you amazingly. 

mina never treated you badly, she loved you so much and she would never mistreat a loved one. her wanting to become an idol shouldn't have been a surprise for you and you should have supported her. she was the victim in this situation. maybe she wasn't as present in her child's life as she should've been, but if that really bothered you then it was your fault for not saying anything. 

If mina really hadn't done anything wrong then why did she feel so empty as she boarded the plane to korea only accompanied by your words. 

a/n: lets ignore that mina never had a boy name and all the other things that don't make sense🤗🤗 also im sorry if this is bad i didn't know what to write😭😭

taglist: @moon-ellie @lisas-earlobe @cocojy @second-daughter-of-clexa @runassimp send an ask if you wanna be added to the taglist!

[an-ruraiocht]

reflections on hormones and medical misogyny and hoop-jumping

in order to start testosterone, i ended up having to pay i think £480 total for three (3) separate appointments with two (2) separate psychiatrists to admit that i'm definitely trans before i could get a referral to an endocrinologist which also cost me several hundred pounds so that they could prescribe testosterone. i was lucky that my GP did the blood tests or i would have had to pay for those too, likewise they took over the prescriptions so i only pay the £9.50ish charge for those rather than the full price, but it was still a hell of a lot of a cash to fork out. i had to pay all of this because the waiting list for a first appointment with the gender clinic is more than five years and bc they make nonbinary people jump through more hoops for referrals than they do for binary trans people following a more conventional transition path. they now test my blood every 3 months to make sure everything's at a healthy level and it's not having a knock-on impact on my organs and they check in regularly about dosage

when i was seventeen i had a single conversation with a GP after which they put me on the combined contraceptive pill, for which i never paid a penny, and which i stayed on more or less continuously (there was one break for a few months) until i was 28. for 11 years this altered my body's hormone levels to the point of suppressing my testosterone to the absolute lowest level that could be considered technically "healthy". it just about performed its required function of making my periods regular and semi-bearable, but along the way this fucked my joints, my muscle strength, my ability to grow body hair, my energy levels, and my ability to concentrate. for eleven years. on the basis of one appointment with a non-specialist as a teenager. they never tested anything except my blood pressure and even that got skipped as time went on and they could dismiss it as "nice and low" while ignoring my chronic anaemia and fatigue

why does fucking with my hormones in one direction require constant oversight and jumping through tons of hoops, and the other doesn't? why are they so alert to the side effects of gender-affirming care, and completely ignoring the side effects of other hormonal healthcare?

it's not that they shouldn't have prescribed me the pill or should have put additional barriers in place; it's that i shouldn't have had to jump through all those hoops to access testosterone. it's not that they shouldn't be monitoring the impact of the testosterone, it's that they should have monitored the impact of the pill. it's not that 17yo me shouldn't have been trusted to give informed consent, it's that 17yo me wasn't informed but was permitted to consent, while 28yo me was informed but not permitted to consent, and had to jump through dehumanising hoops instead to have strangers assess whether they deserved to make choices

they fucked me over with both sets of hormones. they whacked my body's hormone sliders firmly towards the oestrogen/progesterone ends of the spectrum without a second thought, because that was "natural", so fuck the side effects, but they made it as hard for me as possible to try to go the other way. i was anaemic and could scarcely grow body hair and had injuries that refused to heal for years and couldn't concentrate or stay awake for a DECADE but i'm supposed to be scared of the possibility of male pattern baldness? (i mean. i am. but going a bit bald feels a small price to pay for feeling awake when my eyes are open, to borrow a phrase from the raven cycle)

so much of it in both directions is medical misogyny: the idea that i have a particular body which is supposed to behave in a particular way and so the only "solutions" available are those which conform to this, and the lack of research into the actual effects of hormones like oestrogen and progesterone on other health conditions

but what really sickens me is how they say "you can't possibly make this decision, we have to keep people away from these side effects, we don't know what impact this has on bodies long-term" but they'll put a 17yo on the pill and then abandon them despite ten years of chronic illness with no further investigation into how artificial hormone levels might be affecting some of that chronic illness. you can't have it both ways, medicine. either hormones need monitoring and caring about or they don't

access to the pill is healthcare. it should be done on an informed consent model, and needs careful monitoring to make sure it's helping not harming, and adjustments if necessary.

access to gender affirming hormones is healthcare. it should be done on an informed consent model, and needs careful monitoring to make sure it's helping not harming, and adjustments if necessary.

instead you have to fight tooth-and-nail for one and pay through the nose for it, and the other distributed carelessly with little thought or follow-up. i am only now beginning to realise how profoundly i was being fucked over by the pill and just because it also helped me does not mean it was fine that that happened and that, crucially, nobody would have realised it was happening if i hadn't decided to go on T (prompting both investigations into my actual hormone levels, and then perceptible changes once they began to shift). because they did not give a fuck. because it was "natural" for a "female" body to behave like that, right?

anyway idk if i'm gonna stay on T forever but i don't think i could ever go back on the combined pill knowing what i know now about how it's possible for my body to feel when my T level isn't literally 0.5. i'm not thrilled about the idea of going for lucky dip hormone fluctuations given how well that's gone for me in the past but i guess i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. there's got to be some kind of viable option out there for me

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

moonlight sonata | seonghwa

starting off the new year with some more ateez stuff bc MAN do i love ateez. <3 summary: after a devastating loss, you find yourself on the doorstep of a vampire, begging him to change you. and he does -- just not in the way you were expecting. (vampire!seonghwa x fem!reader) genres: slow burn, modern fantasy, mild horror that will grow in severity in later parts warnings: vampires, death, blood mentioned, murder mentioned, drinking blood is kind of a thing with vampires so definitely is brought up throughout, some gendered terms i believe, mention of reader being a woman, i think that might be all, please lmk if you find anything else!

One might think, as you did, that a vampire’s house might have at least a fence.

You check your phone, trying to make sure your GPS has guided you to the right house. Honestly, it does look sort of spooky -- a shadowy wrap-around porch supports a towering black structure that juts up through the scraggly branches of trees that haven’t quite recovered from winter’s chill, the windows all black and watery-looking in the bright moonlight. But no fence. And from what you can tell in the darkness, no cameras. 

You shrug and make your way up the walk toward the foreboding, ornate door. You hadn’t meant to arrive in the blackness of night, but years of feeling next-to-nothing mean that even though you know that you’re literally arriving on death’s doorstep, you aren’t scared or even worried. The worst thing that could happen? You get eaten. And the best? He gives you what you want. Honestly, from where you sit, that seems like a win-win.

You reach the door and raise your hand to knock, then pause. It seems odd to knock, but it also seems impolite to just barge in, and even debating about it is absolutely ridiculous given the circumstances. You take a deep breath and then knock, figuring it’s better to start out on the right foot with a monster. 

It takes a few minutes for the door handle to turn, which is disconcerting because you hadn’t heard or seen anything through the pane of glass that makes up half of this Victorian-looking door. But as the door slides open, slowly, you reflexively shine your light into the eyes of the person who appears across the threshold.

As you expected, the light bounces off his eyes, making them reflect in the dark like a cat’s. “Ha!” you shout in triumph, pointing at him. “I found you!”

In one swift move, the man pulls you from his porch into the house. It’s at a speed that isn’t quite fast enough to remind you of what he is, but isn’t slow enough to be human, and as he pushes you into the wall, you suddenly feel your heart beat quicker. “What are you doing here?” he hisses, and in the dark entryway his eyes beaming yellow look even more unsettling. 

But this seems an odd thing to say upon first meeting someone. “Uh…I’m sorry to disturb you,” you begin — and you’re suddenly aware of where his hands rest against your upper arms. 

They’re warm.

This takes you aback. The only thing you can really see in the dark is his eyes, but you find yourself squinting to try and make out his face through the gloom. There was something about his voice, too. Something familiar.

He sighs, reaching over and flicking on a light switch. You blink painfully against the sudden light for a few seconds before turning your attention back to the creature in front of you.

In the yellow light of the overhead bulb, the man between whose arms you are currently trapped is not at all how you expected him to look.

Tall, yes. Pale, yes. Dark hair, hollow cheeks, otherworldly beauty? Check. You weren’t even too unsettled at the animal-like eyes that even in this light are an odd shade of golden-brown that’s closer to yellow than you feel comfortable with, but what’s tripping you up now is his expression. You’d expected a literal vampire to be glaring at you, or glowering, or maybe even smirking. Instead, he looks….confused?

He blinks at you. “How did you find me?” he asks in a smooth, deep voice, his pupils wide and his expression bewildered. 

“Um, my family were in the monster-hunting business,” you explain, and suddenly you’re a little nervous as his eyes move up and down your body. 

“I see,” he murmurs. “Well, welcome. My name is Seonghwa. Please do join me in my study.”

“Seonghwa,” you say quietly to yourself as he moves away, gliding up the stairs. You follow him in trepidation, taking in the old oak staircase as it shines in the dim light.

He sweeps behind a big desk at a room on the top of the stairs, flicking on the lamp behind him as he does. With the light behind him, his eyes don’t glow as much, and even though you know what he is, you can almost trick yourself into believing that he’s normal. 

His lips quirk into a half-smile as he watches you, lingering at the grand doorframe. “Please have a seat,” he says, gesturing at the chair across from his own.

So you enter the room, sitting slowly in the comfortable wing-backed chair and looking into Seonghwa’s expectant face. After awhile with no speaking, he laughs -- a charming sound that belies the tension in the room. “Are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

You take a deep breath. “I want you to turn me into a vampire.”

His smile hardens just a tad — almost as though he expected your answer. “And why should I?” he asks. “Or rather, why shouldn’t I just drink you dry?”

You sigh. “Would you believe that I just wanna live forever?”

He gives you a wry chuckle. “No,” he says.

“Dang. I was really hoping that would work.” You shift uncomfortably in your seat. “The real answer is a long story.”

“Well, it’s a story you’ll have to tell me if you want to avoid becoming my next meal,” Seonghwa says lightly.

“Fine,” you agree. “I told you that my family was in the monster-slaying business.”

“Yes,” he says. “Should I be worried?”

“I’m no threat to you,” you say tiredly. “Anyway, my mother recently learned that the organization we worked for had used us to neutralize ‘threats’. We thought that meant monsters — both the human sort and the non-human sort. But then we learned the truth.” You can’t help the bitterness that laces your tone like a poison. 

“How?” Seonghwa is expressionless, but those dark eyes are soft.

“When we killed a whole family in cold blood because they told us they were a cult of werewolves who ate children. We killed all of them, even the kids.” You shake your head, still remembering the smell of blood and slaughter. “When you kill a werewolf, their blood is thicker and a bit more yellow than human blood. We knew immediately we’d done something terrible.

“My mother confronted them about the problem, and was met with denial after denial. So she did her own investigating. And the dam broke. She exposed them. Centuries of corruption, maltreatment, extortion, and murder that would make the mafia look like a Boy Scout troop. And so they killed her. Killed my whole family. And only I escaped.”

“So why do you want to be a vampire?” Seonghwa repeats. 

“Because I want to make them pay,” you answer, your voice soft and deadly. “There was some prophecy…ages ago, it seems. A vampire was meant to be their downfall. It’s why they hunted vampires almost to extinction. You have no idea what I had to do to find you.”

His grin twists a bit, hinting at some internal joke with himself. “You’d be surprised at what I know.” He leans forward, resting his hands on the desk. “So. You want to become a vampire for vengeance.”

You blush. This anger -- this hatred -- that you feel is unlike you, but the pain is much too difficult to bear without the burn of it to protect you. Still, you’re a bit ashamed at how disparate your former self is with your current one. You have often wondered if your compassion might not have died with your family, leaving you completely devoid of human emotion. It’s part of the reason you want to become a monster. It feels fitting, somehow. Almost as though this is the debt you must pay for your rage.

Seonghwa ignores your shame as he stares intently at your face. “I propose a compromise,” he finally says. “If you stay with me for a year, and you still wish to become a vampire, and I haven’t eaten you yet, I will change you.”

A year! A part of you wants to protest, desperate not to wait -- but a stronger, more stoic part of you realizes what this means. He will change you in a year. (As long as he doesn’t eat you first.)

But you’re confused, too. For what reason would he want to keep you near? “Why bother keeping me around if you’re eventually going to eat me?”

“Hm,” Seonghwa says, grinning to himself. “Would you believe it if I said that I got lonely?”

“No,” you shoot back, giving a reluctant smile as you echo his words from earlier.

“What if it’s true?” he challenges.

You level him with a look, studying his face, which is earnest and almost kind in the dim light.

He is either an incredible actor, or he isn’t lying. Either way, it seems the only explanation he’s willing to give right now. So you let out a puff of air. “It’s a deal.” And the two of you shake hands, sealing the promise.

“Did you bring anything with you?” Seonghwa asks, standing up. 

“Only myself,” you reply. “I wasn’t sure if I’d survive. Thought it might be silly to haul around a suitcase only to get eaten.”

He scoffs. “Well, those clothes look ragged. I mean, I know you’ve probably had a tough time of it, but let’s find you some new ones.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Do you want me to borrow your clothes?” you say doubtfully.

“I wear plenty of womens’ clothing,” he says, “but I doubt anything I have would fit you. Your room should have suitable clothing. For guests, I mean.”

You follow him down the hall into a beautiful bedroom with a white four-poster hung with shimmering silver curtains. The moonlight through the big, flower-shaped window makes them look like your bed is cased in pixie dust. You stare around, taking in the high, domed ceiling, the soft white comforter on the bed, the door across the room that opens up to a bathroom and walk-in closet, and turn to Seonghwa in shock. “This is…”

“Do you like it?” he asks. And to your bewilderment, he seems almost…anxious. Like he’s worried about you being disappointed.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a more beautiful room,” you reassure him, shaking your head at this ridiculousness -- because who can deny the irony of a monster-hunter soothing the worries of a vampire? “This is very generous for someone who might be your dinner in a few days’ time,” you point out.

The smile broadens. “I’m a gentleman. I would hope I had the decency to make sure your last days are spent comfortably.” With a small bow, Seonghwa excuses himself, allowing you to make yourself at home.

You expect to feel uneasy. You’re in a vampire’s house, for heaven’s sake. But maybe you’re too tired, or maybe you’ve finally lost all sense of self-preservation, but this place feels strangely familiar -- comforting, even. So you do what makes sense. You strip down to your underwear, discarding your dirty, ragged clothes in a heap on the floor, and tuck yourself into the sheets, falling asleep almost immediately.

***

“How did he do this?” you murmur to yourself, letting your hands travel over the many items of clothing in your closet. 

Because it’s eerie how the wide walk-in closet is nearly full of clothing items perfectly suited to your taste, that fit you like a glove. You’d thought it odd when you were looking through a drawer in your bedroom armoire and found a soft pink pair of sweatpants in just your size, only to discover upon further inspection that the entire drawer was full of luxurious pajamas and loungewear that you’d have killed to own as a child. A part of you wonders if he did this while you were asleep -- or if he can see the future and knew you were coming. Either option sends a chill down your spine.

It gets weirder when you finally tear yourself away from the closet and go down the stairs. There, Seonghwa stands on alert, his eyes already carefully watching your descent, his hand wrapped around the handle of a pan that is sizzling with some kind of oil. “You’re awake,” he says simply.

“Yes,” you agree, playing with the hem of your shirt. 

“How did you sleep?” he asks, turning back toward the stove and pouring some kind of batter into the pan.

“Are you...making crepes, by any chance?” you ask, ignoring his question, as you see the spread of raspberry compote, thick whipped cream, and the creamy almond vanilla spread your mother used to reserve for your birthday, set out in pretty white-and-blue floral bowls. Your favorite crepe toppings, in the prettiest dishes you’ve ever seen. Coincidentally.

“Oh,” he says, his back stiffening. “Uh, yes. I am.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “Wanna explain how all the clothes in your guest room are my size, and I wake up to you making me my favorite crepes?”

He doesn’t turn around, but he does give a low chuckle. “Well, vampires have magic beyond your current understanding, don’t we?” he says.

“That’s a bit of a BS answer,” you say, “but you’ve been surprisingly lovely, so I’ll let it slide.”

Now he does turn around, his eyes wide. “You think so?” he says, that same anxious tone from the night before in his voice. 

You narrow your eyes at him. “You really eat people?” you ask dubiously.

He shakes his head. “Common misconception.”

“I’ve been wondering about that,” you say, coming to sit at the long black table. “I know a lot about monsters. But not vampires. We were forbidden to study them.”

“So you have questions?” he asks, flipping the crepe in the pan with an expert flick of the wrist.

“Of course,” you say. “Fangs?”

“What about them?”

“Do you have them?”

He gives a big, fake smile, pointing at his canines, which lengthen as you watch. “Retractable,” he says.

“Sunlight?” you ask.

“Myth. Although I do burn easier, and my eyes are more sensitive, so I have to take sunlight in doses.”

“Do you sleep?”

He sighs. “Myth. Every animal sleeps.”

You hesitate before your next question. “Are you...undead?”

He flips the crepe onto a plate full of them, bringing it over to you so you can make up your own. After a minute, he says, “Well, I suppose one could look at it that way.”

“How do you look at it?” you ask.

“I think humanity is more like a larval stage for vampires,” he explains. “The process of changing from a human being to a vampire does require that your heart stops beating, so I believe that technically, medically, you might be considered dead. But, if the process works correctly, it starts back up again, and it’s changed into something new and powerful. I don’t know if it’s all that different from a caterpillar entering a chrysalis and becoming nothing but mush, only to emerge as a butterfly.”

You nod slowly. “I guess that makes sense.”

He looks at you -- at your furrowed brows and tired eyes -- before he asks, “does it worry you? Becoming a vampire, I mean.”

You fiddle with one of your hangnails and avoid his gaze. “I don’t know what there might be to be nervous about. It sounds like I either become a vampire, or I die. I’ve got nothing to lose anymore, so those are pretty much the two best options I have at the moment.”

“I see,” Seonghwa says after awhile.

“So,” you say, determined to carry the conversation away from your sadness. “Uh, does human food taste like dirt to you?”

“Would human food taste like dirt to a bat?” he counters.

“You’re like a bat?” you say, unable to stop a small smile from spreading slowly across your face.

He sniffs. “Vampires are just like people, but weirder. I usually liken us to a person with catlike reflexes and superhuman speed. And,” he continues, coming to sit in the chair beside you, “I quite like human food. The vampire diet is a bit complex, but I can eat anything you can. I just need human blood to survive.”

“How do you get it?” you ask him before you can stop yourself. “Uh, you don’t have to answer that.”

“I’d prefer not to,” he says, avoiding your gaze and adding more batter to the pan for another crepe.

Your heart sinks. As nice as Seonghwa has been, he is still a monster. He is still dangerous. To distract yourself from this rather irrational bout of disappointment, you ask another question. “Can I ask...how old are you?”

“I’m young in terms of other vampires,” he answers right away, seemingly grateful for this change in subject. “I was changed in 1816.”

“So how old were you when you were changed?”

“I was twenty-four,” he replies, sliding the newly made crepe onto the stack.

“So that would make you...”

“231,” he replies. “Actually, my birthday is in a couple of weeks.”

“Happy almost-232nd birthday?” you faltered, and Seonghwa chuckles.

“Do you know any other vampires?” you ask. When he shoots you a suspicious look, you giggle. “I won’t go hunting them down, I promise.”

He nods, apparently appeased. “I have a few vampire friends. I only see one of them very regularly.”

“How often?”

“Once every couple of years,” he says in an offhand tone. “Enough questions. It’s time for breakfast,” he declares, bringing the stack of crepes to you.

This information gives you pause. Years must feel so short to someone who has seen so many of them, you reason. As you serve yourself crepes, you bite your lip to keep the thousands of other questions from spilling out of you, hoping that in the coming days, Seonghwa might open up just a bit more.

******

“You’re supposed to spend time with me,” a deep voice says from the doorway, making you shriek and drop your book onto the floor. It lands with a heavy thud onto the dark wood slats, and you clutch at your chest where your heart is beating far too fast and shoot a reproachful look at Seonghwa, who is standing there on the threshold of the library, watching you with his strange and unsettling eyes.

“You’re startled,” Seonghwa realizes, his eyes wide, looking a little repentant. “I apologize.”

“A little warning might be nice next time,” you admonish him, sliding off the soft white chaise to pick up the book.

“Edgar Allen Poe?” Seonghwa observes, gesturing at the book. 

You shrug. “I’m living in a vampire’s house. Maybe I’m just in a spooky mood.”

The two of you stare at each other wordlessly for a few seconds before you realize Seonghwa is looking at you expectantly. “Did you -- did you need something?” you stutter.

“Yes,” he states. “I need your company. You’ve been holed up in the library for hours.”

He’s right -- you have. You can’t remember the last time you were free to just read without interruption, and the indulgence was a welcome distraction from the blackness of your thoughts. You realize that you’ve let time slip away from you. “I’m sorry,” you apologize bemusedly, realizing that he might have been telling the truth about being lonely after all. “What would you like to do?”

He perks up instantly. “Would you like to see the garden?”

Twenty minutes later, you’re outside, and Seonghwa is showing you through a still-scraggly hedge maze to what he promises is “the best part of this whole house.” 

“You’re going to love it,” he says, his eyes brimming with excitement under his thick black sunhat. “It’s just starting to bloom, but as it gets warmer, we can tend to it together.” His voice dips in volume toward the end of his phrase, and he ducks his head shyly as you round a corner into what is probably the most spectacular garden you’ve ever seen. 

He’s right -- most of the plants are still green shoots that have newly sprung from the earth. But there are a few crocuses in bloom right at the entrance of the garden, spread between other less-mature plants, and just the sight of them seems to melt a fraction of your icy heart. The rest of the garden is a sweeping array of soil and ivy hanging from stone archways, dotted here and there with a fountain or a statue. You barely realize you’re tearing up until you feel one spill over, hot against your cheek in the cool spring air, and hurry to wipe it away, only to feel a soft finger brush it from your cheekbone before you can.

Seonghwa stares at his hand, looking horrified, before pulling it into his chest in a jerky movement and turning from you to walk down a small path through the flowers. “The rosebushes,” he says, pointing feebly at the thin shrubs backing a small statue of an angel with her wings outspread. “And those are --”

“Daffodils,” you finish, kneeling to inspect the yellow buds with their distinctive, grassy leaves. It looks as though it might bloom in the next few days, but that isn’t what makes you stop here. Something about this place is submerging you in the strongest sensation of deja-vu you’ve ever had, triggered by the sight of the daffodils.

“They’re my favorite,” Seonghwa says quietly, watching you closely. “They always bloom close to my birthday, and as a child it felt like they were for me.”

You look up at him and smile. “Maybe they are.”

He smiles back. “Maybe.”

[fabbyf1]

Hiiiii so I might be completely wrong with this one, but I think you’ve once mentioned that you went to the Austrian GP?

If the answer is no, pls ignore this ask, I’ll be embarrassed

If the answer is yes, would you mind giving some insights to a first time GP-visitor who is only mildly anxious about it?����🥺

Did you have GA? Did you camp there? If yes to either pls share some helpful insights 👉🏼👈🏼

Also what can I expect from stuff like the fan zone? What’s the food and drink situation like? Were you able to hear on track commentary? Do I have to run and hide because things are scary and everyone is going to hate me?🙃

BESTIEEEEE I would love to answer these questions for you.

YES, i went to the 2022 Austrian GP!! (shoutout to the gayest lestappen celebration ever.)

i drove to the track every day, so i did not camp. there were plenty of parking lots (big grass fields) with free parking. there were TONS of signs on the highway and on the local backroads directing you to the track. i had no problems finding it, even on the first day. i stayed at an airbnb about 45 minutes away (because it was GORGEOUS) and i never had any issues or sat in too much traffic getting there each morning.

i sat in the T3 grandstand, which was a fucking HIKE. a HIKE bestie. my calves are still burning. it's hard to tell from watching the race, but that shit is way up at the top of a hill, and the parking lots are all down at the bottom near the pit straight. there was no way around hiking that bitch every day lmfao.

there was a big screen right near me, but they don't play the sky commentary on it. every race i've been to there's been a local commentary instead. so in this case, it was german commentary. so if you don't speak german, you won't know what's happening. (pov you're me trying to translate what i could to my Texan bestie because she was LOST lmfao. don't worry guys, i got this.) the cell service wasn't great, but you'll have to keep in mind that my lil American phone was data-roaming and literally trying it's best lmfao. so it might be different if you have a European plan. not sure how that works. but if you have data, you could pull up the sky commentary to listen to and that would be helpful in knowing what's going on.

i'd say the biggest drawback to going to ANY race is that... it's really hard to know what's happening. even if you can fully understand the commentary. it's not the same as watching it on tv. it's not a bad thing! you just... might be a little lost sometime and miss a lot of the on-track action. it's fun to watch the race afterward and see everything you missed.

the food and drink situation was pretty good! there were lots of different stands selling all sorts of food. everything i ate there was really yummy. it was all pretty reasonably priced, from what i can remember. our tickets said no outside food or drink, but i brought a reusable water bottle with me every day and they never stopped me at security.

please drink LOTS of water. more than you think you need. especially if you're drinking alcohol. and wear LOTS of sunscreen. the sun was insane.

there were lots of reports of fans (specifically female fans) being harassed during my race. which is honestly... so fucking disgusting. and i'm so sorry that happened to people. but thankfully, i never ran into any problems. everyone i met there was really nice and everyone in the grandstands seemed to look after each other. and it's not just because i'm a max fan either... i have a very obvious Lewis tattoo on my forearm that lots of people commented on lmfao.

but as your Cool Aunt, i would say... regardless of your gender or your appearance: be cautious, don't get too drunk, keep your eyes open, and always have an escape route in your mind. but that's my advice for anyone leaving their house though, lmfao, not just a gp.

i think you're going to have a great time, bestie. i loved that weekend so much. idk if you're a local or have been to Austria before, but if it's your first time there, i hope you enjoy it. it's one of the prettiest places i've ever visited. i can't wait to go back one day.

[queerautism]

Btw The issue with my GP clinic being unsure abt prescribing my next testosterone dose was because... We did the normal monitoring blood tests to send to the gender clinic before my fourth T injection.... And the results came back with elevated, above "normal range" testosterone

Yes, they were looking at the usual cis female range for testosterone level.

Yes, there was a note on my test that said they should expect elevated testosterone levels - since that is the whole point of being injected with the testosterone

Somehow for a couple days the pharmacist was apparently baffled by all of this, and wanted to either reduce or stop my testosterone basically because it was working as intended! What the fuck!

This really shouldn't be this complicated. We managed to get them to prescribe the next dose after several phone calls but I was really terrified for a little while there that they were gonna take it away from me. My next appointment with the endocrinologist isn't gonna be even scheduled for months if things at the gender clinic move at the pace they have so far, and I need them to keep prescribing the current dose until I hopefully get the endocrinologist to switch me over to the more stable injection you only need every few months, instead of every month.

[corinne-eaglebridge-sso]

My howrse naming system

(As someone who does not have unlimited breeding farms)

My current breeding farms are:

Camp Half Blood (non-purebred horses <5k GP)

Immortals & Magics (special coats, divines, horses with the stone)

Raven’s Nest & Dark Forest (purebred by me and unifails. This now also includes breed-specific affixes, a new thing I’ve started doing when a breed releases, starting around the Konik release. <5k GP)

The Talent Team (horses bred by me with over 5k GP. Only farms that supersede this are immortals & magics and…)

Starclan Unicorns (unicorns of all breeds)

“Other horses” (this includes all my drafts and donkeys)

So. A lot of organization is done by affix but you can’t sort by those, and Coat Collection (which tracks all the coats for the ‘breed coats’ collection) overrides all of those. So this is where the naming conventions come in!

CHB horses will always have a “normal” human name. They will also have a two-part name if the parent of their same gender is known and properly named. A filly will have [dam’s name] [own name], a colt [sire’s name] [own name].

Examples: Damon Amatus (son of Damon) and Polyxena Lieke (daughter of Marie Polyxena, who is the daughter of Annalisa Marie, etc etc).

I first did this with only the mares, since I tend to ‘rent’ sires, but it still helps me to both identify which ones are part of CHB even in settings where I don’t see the affix (like in spreadsheets I made) and it allows me to ‘trace’ bloodlines a bit. Idk it’s just cute to me.

Raven’s Nest horses will always have a song title as a name. This one is pretty simple. (Yes, trying not to repeat names IS hell, thank you for asking)

Starclan Unicorns and Dark Forest Geenhoorns (unifails*) will have warrior cats names. Starclan Unicorns will be more positive names, Dark Forest more negative.

Talent Team horses in the League and Champions divisions (5k-7.5k and 7,5k-10k) have Star Stable horse names. If their parent is also a TT horse, they’ll inherit either the prefix or suffix of their parent’s name. If both the parents are TT horses, the foal will inherit both the prefix and suffix of their name from their parents. If this foal is the third of this pairing, either the inherited prefix or suffix is changed to something similar. If a suffix is gendered, it will be adapted to suit the gender of the foal.

Example 1: mother Stormcloud and father Brightlight - Brightcloud and Stormlight are already taken by siblings, so a third foal might be named Brightwind.

Example 2: mother Amethystlady and father Robinheart - a colt born of these two might be named Robinlord.

Talent Team horses in the Legends and Mythicals divisions (10k-15k and 15k+) get to have fancy names. I have to let my creativity out somewhere! And besides, being the only ones to not follow a format makes them still really recognizable!

The donkeys are often just taken from a ‘donkey name generator’.

Percherons are named after paint colours I took from a store website. You know, the really fancy paint names where they only tangentially have to do with the colour.

Ban’ei are named by an angel name generator. Similarly, Drum Horses have pegasus names, Koniks have dryad names, Misaki have mirror twin names, German Saddlebreds have ghost/spirit names, and Shires have sylph names.

* The Dutch howrse community tends to use the word “geenhoorn” instead of “unifail”. The Dutch word for unicorn is “eenhoorn”: literally “one-horn”. The pun “geenhoorn” in this context would translate to “no-horn”.

[nymusings]

thank you so much for such a comprehensive ask! i feel like ik a lot more little details about the city now that i wouldn’t have known otherwise — tysm<33

but if it’s not a bother, i just wanted to ask — what do you mean by this bit? “There's a lot going on politically within the uni at the moment, with gender liberation (especially trans rights, which sucks for me as a trans person)” i… am also trans, but i’ve not transitioned or come out (my family is quite transphobic, and my city doesn’t have the resources for trans stuff as far as im aware), so i was hoping to come out and transition after i move out and go to uni. but from what you say here, it sounds like if i do end up being accepted here, it might be safer to stay in the closet? i’m so sorry to ask this — i know it’s not a fun thing to talk abt. i’m just a bit stressed— since i do know people who live in the city and are doing well, but none of them r trans unfortunately.

also— i’m sorry, i promise i’m not trying to just dredge up the negatives😭😭 but ahhvwnegdjd there’s a housing crisis / cost of living crisis / overcrowded classes and courses / timetabling issues / assessment feedback issues?? i know, sadly, that none of this is unique just to Edinburgh, but i didn’t actually realise the city and uni were having all of these problems specifically. i’m sorry if this is a stupid question, but instead of asking you a whole lot, i guess i’d just love to know— is it… bad? as in, in your experience, worse than other unis have it?/if you could go somewhere else would you, that kinda thing. The timetabling issues sound crazy (6hrs of classes?!!) but i feel like i could deal w/ that, but oof, assessment feedback stuff? what’s your experiences w/ that been like, if any? i’m just not from a place where they really prepare us for uni (well, they do, just — my country’s school system and unis work very differently to those in the uk), so i feel like w/out feedback i might end up falling behind lol.

also!! yep, i did mean eng lit, not english languag — thank you SO much for so much of detail on all of that! it cleared up so many questions i didn’t realise i had. like seriously, your ask was so sweet and comprehensive, of course definitely no pressure to answer whatever is going on in this one😭😭

hi again!!! so sorry for answering so late, im only on tumblr every now and then at the minute.

about the trans stuff, I was in the exact same situation as you. I had the same idea with transitioning once I moved to uni and honestly, there will be pros and cons with doing that no matter where you go. At UoE specifically, there has been a lot of controversy surrounding multiple attempted screenings of Adult Human Female with it recently being found that the uni actually paid for an external security company to make sure the event went forward. Recently a trans-exclusionary LGB activist managed to secure a major role within the university. The Trans and Nonbinary Officer did step down in protest of both of these events, and the position is still unfortunately vacant.

HOWEVER there are a lot of positives to being out as trans (even if its just to your friends) at the university, such as:

The Gender Liberation Society which meet every Monday in Appleton Tower

The Gender Empowerment Fund which allows you access to packers/binders/wigs/any trans apparel you might need (with a limit of £150)

You can change your name on the University of Edinburgh system on your own (via EUCLID) so that your real/preferred name is the one on class registers, instead of your birth/dead name

Lots of tutors will as everyone to specify their pronouns at the first meeting, so you'll never feel targeted

There's trans flags spray painted on walls all across old town LMAO

GET A GP AS SOON AS YOU MOVE HERE! The waiting list for the gender identity clinic REQUIRES a GP referral and the wait list is only <2 years long!

(in comparison, Glasgow's is >5 years!)

All in all, the issues with trans stuff has to do more with the admin of the university rather than the people who actually matter to you. You'll find the admin of the uni suck the most more than anyone else at everything. Most of the normal people at the university are very understanding and polite about you being trans (one of my friends actually forgot I was trans once, straight up just thought I was a guy which was very flattering lmao).

In my opinion, it is very worth it coming out. There are people who have your back.

About all of the other stuff, though the University are at fault for not doing enough to help, often everyone affected works together to make it as easy a life as possible. If you are struggling with timetabling, or how full your classes are, or if the amount of assessments you have are driving you up the wall, there is always someone you can contact. In order of who you should contact first:

Your Student Advisor: they can help point you in the right direction and provide notes that can be used at the end of the year to apply for Special Circumstances (if, say, mental health or financial issues, etc, got in the way of your studies)

The Listening Service at the Chaplaincy

The Advice Place

Student Counselling service

Wellbeing officer

and im sure there are more but I've not had to go past this step

About housing-- it is a country-wide issue, but very apparent in the bigger cities like Glasgow and Edinburgh. Even some of my family in London have shared the same sentiment ("If an agency offers you a flat, just take it. It doesn't matter if it doesn't suit our needs, we can't afford to be picky.") Students at UoE have protested the University's lack of involvement in ensuring that students will not go homeless ESPECIALLY since they are taking on a significantly higher amount of students (especially international). There is really nothing that can be done about this, BUT I have heard of undergrads making friends with 4th years and taking over their flat at the end of the year when the 4th years graduate. That's always an option. Again, there is also the Co-op, but it is very competitive.

If we are to compare UoE to other universities, by far and large it is still better academically than most. The reputation is phenomenal and people will wow you whenever you tell them where you study. Being from Glasgow, it was a competition between the two of those Uni's for me, and I do feel like I made the right choice coming to Edinburgh despite all of its flaws. Remember, the university isn't your entire life -- the city can be part of it, too. It really just depends what you're looking for from both the university and life outside of it. I don't think I would have gone anywhere else (unless I could afford Oxbridge lmao). I don't want it to sound like I hate the uni, sure, it is frustrating, but I just want to be as open and honest with you about it as possible so that you truly know what you are getting into.

If you want any actually decent feedback, schedule office hours with your tutor/lecturer and talk with them about it there. The written stuff tends not to help me at all, I need to be verbally told what went wrong and how to improve. The written feedback tends to be more harsh than helpful, and doesn't help me understand where I lost marks.

Scotland's university system is also different to the rest of the UK (yay devolved government), meaning you will do 4 years of a degree instead of 3, and a bunch of other stuff that isn't coming to mind rn lol. School's don't prep us for uni that much either, except for if you do Advanced Highers (which I did for Eng Lit). They are technically the equivalent to first year of university (which I agree with).

[sdyd]

𝑀. sentence starters ... various sentence starters from my own writing. change tense / pronouns as necessary.

I have had many, many years to reflect upon that.

I thought the same, once.

with high hopes and lofty ambition comes the potential for great disappointment.

I do not intend to be humorous.

there is no concrete answer in hypothesis. that is what experimentation is for.

that is a peculiar question ...

it's more miserable, honestly.

I'm on Zoloft.

sorry. but hey ! he's dead.

meet me back here in, say, 24 hours ?

do you have a plane by any chance ?

If the gods tell you to do something, you do it.

what ? no, I'm perfectly sane.

ya ever get the urge t'just beat the $&!# outta your dad ?

life is so unfair, is it not ?

I miss my wife ...

$75 on the strange creature of indeterminate gender.

yeah, if you had a brain.

I do got a brain ! Everyone's got one !

you'd be surprised of what you're capable of when you're being chased by cops. or superheroes.

it ain't a crime if they're rich.

sounds like my college graduation party.

that was a big monologue where a simple "I hate you" would suffice.

I don't speak French.

if the tens of thousands of kilometers of blood vessels that make up your body burn with hate for me, it is not equal to even a tenth of the loathing I have felt for you since the moment you were born.

oh man I sooooo did not sign up for your family drama.

maybe I'm just trying to convince myself more than you.

what I'm trying to say is that — instead of beating yourself up for all the bad things that happened, maybe you should focus on the fact it all happened because you wanted to do something good.

dead moms are great motivators for crazy shit.

what was the end goal of it all ?

I have spent hours pouring over my work, trying to understand the mind of the person who wrote it.

why did you do in the first place?

heed my advice then, and go for it.

ah ! you are shy, worry not, I understand.

to lovers everywhere !

don't take it took hard, she's disappointed in me too.

I love her. I miss her.

I think you're just insane.

I chose you out of millions of others, and this is how you express your gratitude ?

I'm not the best at comforting, but feel free to let it out.

you do not get to die and come back as you were.

dreams are only nice while they last, I suppose.

I require your assistance in an utmost important matter.

psychology is rather fascinating, is it not ? I had long thought it a soft science, but the mind is rather intriguing.

as an expert in these matters, I most certainly see the sparks of mutual romance.

that was the glance of a woman in love !

I was being facetious.

I should have been a comedian, I know.

keep his name out of your wretched mouth!

my dear lady, it sounds like a fairytale !

I am a lesbian with a quest and I have succeeded in it.

I do not forgive you.

I am a rather forgiving person when it is I myself that is scorned. some may say it is a flaw.

ah, I did run into the woods in despair ! but alas, I did return, to this world of horror.

I did attempt to call force an exorcism, but my cries went unheard.

shut up ! you know nothing of me !

I have known you since you were four ! I know everything about you ! like for example, that you never grew out of watching --

remember when you used to drag us all up to the mountains to watch storms ?

that was terrible of me, utterly terrible. it is unforgiveable.

I should have done better by you.

I think the GPS is busted ...

dude ! you crashed into me ! and it gave you a boner ?!

I don't give a fuck about your dick.

why was [ name ] in the trunk ?

wow, you're a huge dick, aren't you ?