#interesting to me that he was a spear user in the story quest but now he uses a bow

[aromanticasterisms]

so no furina story quest 2 :((

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[yumpty-dumpty-inactive]

DANGANRONPA CHARACTERS, BUT IT'S GENSHIN IMPACT INSTEAD (PT. 1)

I will also be posting this on my danganronpa account, which can be found here! ( Link )

Trigger Happy Havoc:

MAKOTO NAEGI ->

I think that Makoto would have a pyro vision due to his passion for restoring hope. He lives to restore the world to its former glory alongside the Future Foundation, and is a decently stubborn person. He's generally a very driven person as a whole, which is why I think a pyro vision would fit him best.

I think he'd use a sword for his weapon, to show how basic he really is. Even though he's the Ultimate Lucky Student/Hope or whatever, at the end of the day he's still a pretty basic guy, and I think that showcases that.

I think Makoto would hail from Natlan. I'm not quite sure why, but I feel that the region and his character just...fit. Again, not sure why, but they just do,, ehehe.

AOI ASAHINA ->

Okay okay, you kinda saw this coming. However, I think Aoi would receive a hydro vision due to her confidence in her talent. Most (actually all) hydro users are confident in their occupation, and I think this applies to Aoi as well. I think generally it'd be a good mesh, bear with me,, ehehe.

I think she'd 100% use a spear. She'd be a little similar to Kokomi in how her attacks would work, but instead of a mermaid-like aesthetic, it'd be a more sporty swimmer-like aesthetic,,, oh wait shit i'm confusing myself now

Lastly, I think she'd hail from Inazuma. I think her positive personality would make the story quest for the island really interesting, and she'd be best friends with yoimiya and ayaka, hands down.

[doufuhua]

i’m gonna rant a long in-depth opinion about childe’s gameplay, sorry, feel free to ignore, or if you are thinking about pulling for him soon maybe my thoughts can provide insight.

i’m not a metaslave, honestly following meta is dumb in genshin impact, especially when the game is pve, you should enjoy the game the way you want to enjoy it. but, BUT...that being said, with childe banner coming, i have to say he does feel underwhelming to play sometimes. regardless of how much you like his character, the criticisms about his gameplay that people are bringing up have some truth in it. i agree that his kit and constellations need a revamp.

his constellations don’t provide dmg boost but a different playstyle which renders his range stance kind of useless because the constellations favors his melee stance more, hell even his kit favors melee. so in my conclusion, doesn’t it look like the fact that he wields a bow is counterintuitive? he should’ve just wield a spear in the first place if he’s gonna utilize it the most regardless of lore giving a reason why he uses a bow. and there’s the cooldown on his skill, now to me it’s manageable, i don’t have an issue with it, i think it’s a nice challenge to have a time limit, but not everyone thinks my way. actually based on observation, i see that when someone has an initial interest in childe’s gameplay, when they find out that his skill has a time limit, they give up, they just don’t want to bother, which is just a mentality thing unfortunately.

his constellations are i think a great example of how scummy mihoyo can be, they really gave him lackluster constellations at the top, c1 really only shaves off 4 seconds of cooldown and c2 is just...energy recharge....it’s not until c4-c6 does he get something interesting and it’s not more dmg, it’s a different playstyle. it’s obviously a money scheme to entice players to invest in pulling in gacha, it’s nearly predatory. in other words, if you’ve seen his playstyle and you really like it, he requires expensive investment. hu tao at c0 is basically childe’s c4 constellation, it’s pretty unfair. because of hu tao’s kit at c0, childe users feel cheated because his c4 should’ve been his c0.

now, speaking of c4, that is also a separate problem itself, especially if you’re a person who utilizes elemental reactions constantly. everyone knows that vaporize and melt are the strongest reactions in the game, and childe’s c4 has proven to be problematic when it comes to vaporize comps. childe’s c4 ability applies hydro to enemies every few seconds, and on the surface that sounds great, but players with c4 have realized that the comp is difficult to set up because he applies hydro too fast for pyro to take into effect, normally you have to apply pyro and then hydro, not the other way around. you basically sacrifice one playstyle for another, ultimately you have to choose which comp you like more, which is either you play vaporize comp or you pick something like permanent freeze. i don’t even want to get into the fact that, to get rid of the cooldown on his skill requires c6, which to reach that point, you’ll have to whale for it.

i hate to say it but i do feel like childe got powercreeped especially with characters like xiao, ganyu, and hu tao being released right after him, specializing in weapons he uses. ganyu is arguably the better bow user of the two, with her charged attack doing aoe dmg and having huge crit dmg modifiers. xiao’s gimmick is his plunge attacks which hilariously reminds me of the fact that childe’s melee stance has no plunging attack whatsoever. and hu tao...i’ve already said my piece above.

look i don’t hate childe, i actually like his character, maybe not at first, but after his story quest and learning about what he went through at age 14, he seemed like an okay guy. i’ve had him at c1 since version 1.1, he was one of the small amount of dps characters i had at the time who happened to use hydro. i didn’t have diluc, a highly sought for dps unit, at that time, i didn’t have xingqiu, a great support, until last month, i even have mona from losing the 50/50 on some character’s banner, i haven’t even built her yet. childe carried me through all the way up to this point, and yet i still think he can be improved. i’m criticizing mihoyo, which is the point of this post really.

don’t let me keep you from pulling his banner, he is a viable unit. his greatest asset is his aoe dmg, he’s great against large groups of enemies. he also hits as fast as polearm users, giving no chance for the enemy to counterattack. he can reach large numbers of crit dmg when you commit the effort for his artifacts. he works great with cryo and electro users, like beidou and fischl. i bring up his drawbacks because at the end of the day, mihoyo is a company and money is always foremost, they aren’t always on the playerbases’ side. honestly speaking, the decision to give zhongli a buff is an outlier, something that mihoyo didn’t anticipate doing. it wasn’t the efforts of western fans’ criticism that they gave him the buff, because america’s playerbase is small, it was the chinese players that complained the loudest, and god forbid a chinese company pisses of their own native players.

do i think mihoyo will give childe a buff? no. childe isn’t very popular, gameplay wise, on the chinese players side. so they most likely are not listening to any outcry by childe mains for example, mihoyo will keep releasing new characters, and these new characters will most likely powercreep some others. we barely made a big of a crack in the main story, we’re in the prologue stage of a sorts in a 6 or 7 act story, and so that definitely means new characters will just keep on coming. i just want you guys to keep in mind that you should always keep a distance, gambling can become an addiction, and never be bootlicker for a corporation who ultimately doesn’t care about you. like, i have a suspicion that the reason childe has a banner, why rosaria is on his banner, this time around on an event that’s all about mondstadt is, first, yes lorewise he is involved with the main story somewhat, he was accidentally in the abyss (the chasm?) when he was younger, that he was taught to fight by some woman there, and an upcoming main story quest with dainsleif reveals we will be fighting the abyss order at some point. but the second point, the “it’s just business” point, is that they know childe is a character phasing out in players’ interest, they put rosaria on his banner, to entice us to pull for her and by extension, childe, to make sales on his banner. this is basic business strategy. be aware of games like genshin impact, that are free to play on the surface, but have underhanded motives.

[coffeedrivenfiction]

Aloy and Link: System Clash

From across the plains to the left she came striding, red hair flowing as a waterfall and clad in the worn yet prominent garments that signified the harsh life of being an outcast. Every step was laced with purpose, her stride strong, strong as her gaze. The weapons on her back, a spear and a bow, clung to her dearly, glinting wickedly under the sun.

Hopefully, with All-Mother’s blessing, she would have no need for them. But if she did…

From across the plains to the right, he marched, back straight, straighter than the masterful looking blade strapped behind him. He had the sharp, handsome features of an elf right down to a gaze that could cut diamonds and pointed ears. A bandana covered his crop of golden-blonde spiked hair, the stern winds ruffling his loose clothing.

He had always planned to do this, settling an old score, and now with Zelda safe for what felt like the hundredth time, he now had the opportunity….

The sun beat down from on high, radiating massive waves of heat that neither of the two felt. The one from the left had lived her entire life in the cruel, unforgiving caress of nature, while the one from the right had undergone more journeys than there were stars in the sky.

“So,” she started plainly, stopping only once he had, only when they were within spitting distance, “you’re the new kid on the block, hm?”

As Aloy was considerably taller than him, what with his head only reaching her bust, Link had to incline to meet her gaze, but his was no less steely.

“Interesting. You say ‘new kid’ when I’ve been around since nearly the dawn of gaming,” he responded evenly, canting his head to the side. “If anyone’s the newbie, I think it’s you, Ms New IP.”

Something of a twitch overtook Aloy’s left brow when Link offered up the smuggest of grins. A few moments later, she was sporting one of her own and gave a grand wave of her arm off to the side. As if summoned through that single motion, a multitude of numbers began to spring forth, all of them ranging from the low 90’s to a few 100’s.

She jerked a thumb at the floating digits hovering about her. “Well, for the new IP that I am, these scores are pretty impressive.”

“True, that they are, impressive indeed,” Link conceded with a small acknowledging incline of his head, “but….” Using that same lofty arm movement, the legendary Hylian summoned his own plethora of numbers, these ranging from the high 90’s to a vast amount of 100’s. They dance about merrily, almost mockingly. “They don’t hold a shield to what I’ve accomplished.”

Instead of backing down, there was something impressive in the way Aloy crossed her arms, now intentionally staring down her nose at the man. “You know what else is an accomplishment? A first time newbie such as myself selling two-point-six million copies in the first two weeks. Now, if my math is correct, that means I beat your two-point-four million by a minuscule but not unnoticeable two-hundred-kay,” she mused, tapping her bottom lip. “I mean, I figured my tale would be popular… but to beat out yours and all its hallowed notoriety? My, my….”

The stillness of Link’s face was absolute; only a few renegade strands of hair seemed to move, jostled by the wind. When his left shoulder gave a relaxed shrug, he lifted a hand, summoning what looked like a PlayStation 4 that hovered in very much the same way as the flickering numbers about him. “You forget your user base is at least ten times that of my own. When your sales are over fifty million strong, only selling two and a half million might seem like something of a disappointment, no?” he wondered. “My release was virtually a system seller, and selling the units I did can only be seen as a triumph worthy of a Hylian such as myself.”

Elfish pride really was a spectacle, Aloy figured, watching as Link squeezed his hand into a tight fist, banishing the summoned game console.

“It’s true… I suppose my home is indeed several stories taller than yours,” she admitted, lifting both hands with her pointing fingers up, and into existence sprang a Wii U and a Switch, each balanced perfectly, “although I find it funny, the lead I’ve taken given your simultaneous release for two systems, o’ Link of Hyrule.”

Nonplussed, Link pointed to the Wii U—“One of those was flop sales-wise”—then he pointed to the Switch—“while the other is fresh out the gate.”

“Funny. All I’m hearing is I had the superior system if you couldn’t beat me from two different camps,” Aloy surmised, flicking her wrists and banishing the systems.

“What you actually had was an extensive advertising campaign,” replied Link, and Aloy blinked, canting her head sideways.

“Annnnd… you didn’t? All those trailers, these E3 showings, your massive following as a staple in gaming history,” she counted as if reading a checklist, “and add to it your legacy is to mine what an elephant on steroids is to an ant. By all rights, this should have been a complete blowout in your favor.”

“When you bring together the glow of something new and shiny, how beautiful you look, and the enormous size of your consumer base, it only makes sense that you’d sell more,” explained Link with a finger of his own raised, yet he summoned nothing. “But that’s usually the way it goes. Sony games tend to sell more on release, then peter into nothing. Nintendo games? Keep a steady flow for at least a year. Just wait,” he said strongly, the markings of a challenging grin beginning to grow, “we’ll see who leads who when the year is up and the Game of the Year awards start rolling in.”

It was as if Aloy had zoned out midway into Link’s rebuttal judging by the glazed look in her eyes, and the fact that she didn’t respond whatsoever to Link who was waving a hand in front of her face.

“Aloy? Aloy, are you there? Hel—“

It was whispered out with all the brittleness of a dried leaf, “Did you call me beautiful?”

Link stuttered, in every vivisbly way possible. “Did I—what?”

“Beautiful… that’s what you said, right?” She pointed to herself. “You called me beautiful.”

There was enough time for Link to scan his previous words to find what she was talking about, but unfortunately, not enough time to get past the string of blusters leaving his mouth to correct her misconception when before she let loose a chuckle and wagged a scolding finger.

“Tut-tut-tut, Mr. Elf of Hyrule, flattery will get you nowhere in this.”

“But I wasn’t trying to flatter—”

“Is this how you’re going to defend yourself against the other female leads in gaming? By being so salacious?”

“Really, I only meant your graph—”

A regal sigh escaped the Nora and she shook her head, regarding Link as if she had just caught him with his hand in the cookie jar in a ‘boys will be boys’ fashion. “Well, I suppose if you’re willing to resort to such base methods in order to distract me, we can call this even for now.”

“You are seriously not even hearing a word I’m trying to sa—”

“Hey, one-hundred boy,” Aloy called and she jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “Got a nest of Thunderjaws back there I need to clear out. Things’ are tougher than attempting the Proving blindfolded. Wanna help?”

Completely thrown off by the prospect of a quest to be had, Link’s current thought process shifted gears into something more adventurous. “Thunder… jaws? Is that some breed of creature? What is that?”

Aloy made a wide motion with her arms. “Big, tall, tough. Abominations crafted of metal and steel, of might and rage. They can rip a grown man in half with a single bite and eviscerate entire settlements with the use of its mounted disc-launchers and—”

It was such a nice noise, that metallic ring that peeled through the air when Link unsheathed his legendary Master Sword. The allure of adventure… he never was strong enough to resist it. “Lead the way,” he outright demanded, stepping up beside her. “Lead me to these metal monstrosities.”

This seemed to delight the appointed seeker because Aloy scoffed, bumping the rigid elf with her hip. “Alright,” she said, “follow.”

[thefilmfatale]

Moonlight (2016) [Movie Review]

Never has a movie been so quiet and yet so profoundly moving as Barry Jenkins’ Moonlight, the critically acclaimed adaptation of a play by Tarell McCraney. The coming-of-age story, about a young black man discovering his sexuality as he grows up in a broken home amidst a rough Miami neighborhood, is uniquely intimate yet at the same time achingly familiar. Moonlight immerses the audience in the experience of a boy beleaguered by questions about who he is and how he fits in the world, opening a window into a young life filled with neglect and isolation, but also hope and tenderness. While Moonlight’s story is, admittedly, hardly new, what’s absolutely certain is that no one has told it quite this way before. Jenkins steers this story gingerly and gracefully, assuming a protective, almost steward-like role in ensuring that Chiron’s story unfolds in a respectful yet evocative way. And he succeeds. Moonlight is quite the moving masterpiece, pulling viewers in with its commanding performances, haunting score, and arresting cinematography.  

The story of Moonlight is told in three acts, each corresponding to a stage of Chiron’s life: childhood, adolescence and, finally, adulthood. We begin with Little (played by Alex Hibbert), who appears on screen with his perpetually pursed lips and somber expression, fleeing from a horde of rambunctious boys who chase him all the way from school into a ramshackle housing project, where he seeks refuge. Little (whose nickname was given to him by his peers because of his diminutive stature) stumbles around the decrepit apartment, observing the remnants of its former occupants: crumbs of furniture, broken liquor bottles, and drug needles. In a short sequence, Jenkins vividly paints the picture of the world Chiron (Little’s given name) lives in: a neighborhood plagued by drugs, violence, and absentee parents. But while the film touches on these big picture issues, its focus is ultimately on the child caught in the middle of this storm. This painstaking attention to our protagonist’s plight is what firmly grounds Moonlight, allowing it to address serious problems like poverty and the dangers of drug use in a subtle yet provocative way that is never sententious. But at the end of the day, what makes Moonlight compelling is its subject matter: growing up as a gay black man, something we’ve never seen on screen before. There’s tremendous responsibility in taking that on, yet Jenkins rightly opts for a subtle touch, not a heavy hand, in unpacking this story.                 

Little meets Juan (played by House of Cards’ Mahershala Ali), a drug dealer with an imposing demeanor and a heart of gold, and forms an interesting bond with him. With no father figure around, Little is drawn to the paternal doting that Juan shows him, although he never says as much. The boy says very few words in the film, despite Juan’s prodding. But when he finally breaks his silence, his words reverberate through the film in such a powerful way. There is a particularly poignant exchange in the film where Little quietly asks Juan, “What’s a faggot?” To which Juan, shifting uneasily in his seat knowing the weight of the question just asked of him, slowly replies, “A faggot is... a word used to make gay people feel bad.” It’s perhaps the simplest yet most succinct definition of the slur I’ve ever heard, and that scene exemplified a master class in how to talk to a child about the complicated, ugly matters of the world. The thoughtfulness in Juan’s response and the fact that he indulged a child’s innocent question about something so controversial shattered the stereotypes many hold about the types of people who become drug dealers. There was a humanity in that depiction, a rejection of the tired, one-dimensional trope of the boorish thug we’ve seen so many times on screen before.      

Little’s relationship with Juan enrages his mother Paula (played by Naomie Harris), a working mother who also nurses a drug habit. She reacts to Juan bringing her boy home with anger and suspicion, knowing full well who he is and not wanting her child to be wrapped up in drugs like she has. While viewers will quickly realize the hypocrisy in this, Moonlight is careful in the way it chooses to paint Paula. Instead of dismissing her as one of those mere neglectful parents, Jenkins instead chooses to make her a symbol of the insidious effects drugs have on the people we love. One moment Paula is protective and nurturing of Chiron, the next she’s like a woman possessed, clawing at her teenage son’s pockets for money so she can buy more drugs. Paula is a woman whose self-image is wrapped around her being a mother, but her addiction hijacks her control. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see a child witnessing their only parent - the one who is supposed to care for them unconditionally and provide unflinching support - slowly come undone. Moonlight highlights that sense of betrayal that we feel on behalf of the children who have to go through ordeals like these, but never in a way that seems cloying or hyperbolic.

Naomie Harris portrays Paula with the brilliance of a true artist, completely disappearing behind the sunken eyes and broken spirit of a woman with a history too tragic to even begin to unravel. Harris’ performance was one of complete abandon. The audience saw how much she surrendered herself to the material. The way her eyes flew open wildly as she spat profanities at Chiron, or the way her hate seemed to envelop her completely...Jenkins borrows a bit from German expressionism in his use of lighting to portray the duality of Paula’s character. One scene shows Paula standing in the middle of a hallway bathed in red light, her face contorted into an expression of complete disdain. It seemed to me that this was Jenkins’ way of relating to the audience what it feels like to be on the receiving end of an addict’s wrath. Harris commanded the audience’s attention and really served as the emotional tip of the spear for the film.  

In the second act of the film, we meet a teenage Chiron (Ashton Sanders), who is struggling to navigate the battlefield that is high school. Chiron is constantly hectored about what is perceived to be his effeminate manner. His classmates leer at him, while he elicits the unhelpful pitying glances of his teachers. At this point in the film, the audience has an inkling that Chiron is going through some pretty conflicted feelings in his quest for self-discovery. He knows he’s different; hell, everyone in his school treats him that way. But Chiron lacks clarity in the way many kids who are unsure of their identities experience every day, and it’s tearing him up and driving him deeper into his shell even more. But there’s a bright spot in this cruel chapter of high school: Chiron has a friend in Kevin (Jharrel Jerome), whom he’s known since he was a child. Kevin has a soft spot for Chiron, acknowledging his awkwardness playfully instead of being mean-spirited like the other kids were. In the beginning, Chiron seems to be envious of Kevin’s confidence and popularity. But this quickly dissolves into a sense of admiration, then into a shy crush.

A scene that exhibited Jenkins’ masterful restraint as director was the beach rendezvous between Chiron and Kevin. Since it was a pivotal point in the film - precipitating Chiron’s sexual awakening - this could have gone so many different, more sensational ways. Jenkins chose to treat the scene tastefully and tenderly instead, positioning the camera behind the actors so that the viewers weren’t participants in this act of intimacy but, rather, wallflowers. With the use of deliberate editing and careful mise-en-scène, we became witnesses to a pivotal, tender moment instead of a mass of ogling, peeping toms. It’s decisions like these that cemented Jenkins as an  auteur with a very distinct point of view and a subtle, but provocative touch. Few directors have exhibited the restraint necessary in telling intimate stories like these. Jenkins is one of them.  

The sweetness of the beach encounter is almost instantly snuffed in the events that follow. Chiron gets into a school brawl that sends him to jail, a story that is unfortunately all too familiar for young men growing up in neighborhoods like these. We are transported to nearly a decade later, where we meet an adult Chiron (now dubbed Black, the nickname Kevin gave Chiron). Black is a completely transformed Chiron. Gone is the lanky, awkward youth, replacing him is a muscled man sporting a golden grill, driving around in a fancy car. Black is the new Juan, and he’s now running the streets of this small Miami town. Prison time obviously contributed to this transformation, but viewers know the hardening of this once meek young man was due to a betrayal from Kevin. In Black we see the cyclical nature of life in these streets, how children of drugs go on to become drug dealers or drug users, passing through the revolving door of poverty and misfortune. And on and on.

Black gets an unexpected call from Kevin, who is now a chef at a diner a few miles outside of town. Kevin apologizes for being involved in the brawl that sent Chiron to prison, and it seems like too little too late. There’s so much tension in this scene, you could cut it with a knife. Black is a mixture of confusion, hurt, anger, indignation, but in tried and true Chiron, he is speechless at this surprise reconnection. Kevin is unchanged, the same ebullient and self-assured person Black knew in his younger years. But Black...he’s not the Chiron he used to be. He’s changed now; he’s more imposing, commanding attention and even fear. But hearing from Kevin makes Black feel like that awkward, mumbling teenager again, unsure in his own skin and always struggling to find the words. Kevin extends an invitation to drop by his diner and Black jumps at it, driving miles to see his childhood friend. The way this interaction plays out is full of gentle tenderness. It’s in these few final scenes that Jenkins reminds the audience that while Moonlight is at its core a coming-of-age tale about the troubled childhood of a gay, black man, it’s rooted in a love story that spans ages. We instantly feel that tinge of unrequited love as we watching Black and Kevin gaze longingly across the table at each other to the jukebox tune of Barbara Lewis’ “Hello Stranger”. Watching this scene beautifully unfold was a reminder that there isn’t anything out there quite like Moonlight.

It’s no easy feat, to tell a story rife with so much emotion and turmoil, and yet Barry Jenkins accomplishes just that with Moonlight. In a single story, he managed to highlight the struggles of the impoverished, the drug-addled and the world weary, all through the lens of a young, black gay man. Moonlight addresses important social issues, but what makes it effective is that it’s firmly rooted in a deeply personal story that everyone, regardless of race or gender, can relate to. All men can relate to that feeling of growing up with images of masculinity shoved down their throats; men grow up learning to bottle their emotions because they are told men don’t cry, or men don’t express themselves because that’s what women do. Anyone who’s ever grown up with drugs as a constant in their household can attest to the pernicious effect they have in destroying families and dooming children to a life of poverty and crime.

Moonlight takes all of that on, yes, but at the end of the day, it is best summarized in the scene where Mahershala Ali’s Juan is teaching Little how to swim. The water is harsh at first, even unforgiving, but as soon as Little trusts his body enough to let go, he starts to float. A child with the world seemingly on his shoulders, feeling completely weightless in the vast ocean...floating was a gift. The swimming lesson was an act of compassion from someone who understood what it means to be young and unsure of your way. It was a temporary reprieve from the burden of carrying secrets or nursing old wounds. Moonlight is a jukebox melody dedicated to those out there who are still waiting to float, a song for the black gay men out there who are still trying to find their way. It’s for the gay men and women who never saw themselves in any images on television, who grew up without fathers who could answer their gnawing questions, who have yet to experience the weightlessness to be free to be yourself.