#inthemourning

[streetwisehiphop]

Jaydonclover – inthemourning (ft. Kofi Stone)

Jaydonclover – inthemourning (ft. Kofi Stone)

[luciochaves]

Jaydonclover - inthemourning (feat. Kofi Stone)

[remindersforabatteredbarist-blog]

march 7, 2019

this morning I was in my childhood bedroom getting ready for the day, and as I was looking for something to wear, I was reminded of the recent turmoil I have been through in removing myself from a toxic relationship of four years. we got evicted from our first apartment together last year, so I am now lying on the safety net my parents put out for me the night I called them crying to announce my latest defeat.

I have been living with them for four months now - something I would not have predicted during that phone call as their 24-year-old daughter. in fact, I’m typing this on their desktop because my laptop did not survive the violent existence that was my lover and I living together.

being back in this suburb of a town barely large enough to be called a city much less out of choice than I would prefer is a daily reminder of the corners my ex constantly drove me into. I let him push me around and manipulate me because I believed things between us could get better again if I listened to him and obeyed.

however, it started slowly sinking in that the mental abuse was more intentional than I wanted to accept. my momma had tried to gently suggest he was keeping me on edge to induce panic attacks that got increasingly worse, as this gave him a defined reason to be angry with me. my emotional outbursts were always a huge issue between us, and at times I felt punished for them. but of course the thought of this was crushing, and I pushed the idea back out of my mind and tried my best to reinforce the alternative possibility: he was just stressed in a different environment than he was accustomed to and not doing well under the pressure. he was still with me; why would he stay just to hurt me more?

my walk-in closet now looks like whoever organized it used an abstract painting as the model for the desired aesthetic. this is because I allowed my ex to reorder any facet of my living space he wished. I paid every bill at our place, covered all the living expenses for us and our pets, and he stayed home for over a year without working while I never got a chance to decorate and set up our things the way that would help me. I’m not sure exactly how it helped him to constantly change everything I ever put in place, but this was just a predicted part of coming home to him after a while. to avoid further disappointment and pain, I just assumed anything I was looking forward to having when I got there would already be gone. and it almost always was.

I got dressed today, but not without bursting into tears from the overwhelming thought that I don’t know where a lot of my clothes and belongings are. my natural response was to give up and go back to bed for the rest of the day, but somehow I resisted this idea. he moved things around on so many occasions in the few months he had free reign over my bedroom and boxes of things in my parents’ garage from our apartment. basically none of it makes sense to my organizational style now and it will take a lot of time and energy to make up for his destructive, chaotic patterns to restore sanity in my own environment.

this past weekend, I admitted to a friend and my older cousin how my ex mistreated me, and learned I have loved ones who can relate all too well to what I had been going through. I truly believed all the miles and miles of shit storm I drove through were created solely by my shortcomings and insufficiency as a partner. but now that he is gone, I’m still here affected by the scars he left. I faced absolute misery as I lied in bed the entire first week he was gone (this time) and grieved the loss of our love. even taking into account the cold waves of devastation I struggle to stay afloat in, I have been a brighter, smilier, kylie-er version of myself for almost two weeks now in the absence of his presence.

today I’m purposefully beginning the documentation of my experiences and thoughts so it will be more difficult to convince myself I will ever actually be okay in a relationship with him. I do this in hopes that I will continue to treat myself decently as a person on this planet, and maybe even be okay long-term someday.

if you have read this, you should know it is okay to take a step back and be proud of yourself just for making it out alive - even if you have nothing else to look upon positively about yourself or what you have done. it may not feel true in your mind, but you have the power to give yourself another chance to make your life better, safer, happier. there is light beyond the darkness. you just must go there, and leave everything else behind.

[soundinthesignals]

Check out our interview with @inthemourningla where we discussed early interest in music, the importance of physical forms of music, creating a deluxe version of “At What Cost”, paying homage to Avril Lavigne in the music video for the song, the possibility of new music, and more @ soundinthesignals.com #inthemourning #inthemourningla #punk #alternative #rock #music #newmusic #soundinthesignals #diy @amandatranrocks @jessewilliamfarmer @hansel.mp3 📸 @kellymason https://www.instagram.com/p/CTNSU7HLYoP/?utm_medium=tumblr

[gaylien-vagabond]

“You escaped like a runaway train, off the tracks and down again. And my heart’s beating like a steam boat tugging all your burdens on my shoulders.”

[perpetuar-t]

E depois de todas as canções lindas trocadas entre nós dois, essa e apenas essa vai ser o que você será resumido pra sempre. E ela e só ela, vai guardar tudo o que tivemos. 

You escape like a runaway train Off the tracks and down again And my heart's beating like a steam boat tugging All your burdens on my shoulders

In the mourning, I'll rise In the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning All my worry

And now there's nothing, but time that's wasted And words that have no backbone And now it seems like the whole world's waiting Can you hear the echoes fading?

In the mourning, I'll rise In the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning All my sorry's

And it takes all my strength Not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay The biggest part of me, you were the greatest thing And now you're just a memory to let go of

In the mourning, I'll rise In the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning All my sorry's

In the mourning, I'll rise In the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning All my sorry's

Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes is bolder, children get older I'm getting older too

So took my love and took it down Oh, I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills And the landslide brought me down And the landslide brought me down

So in the mourning, I'll rise In the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning All my sorry's

Você escapa como um trem desgovernado Sai dos trilhos e bate de novo E meu coração está batendo como um barco a vapor puxando Todos os seus fardos sobre meus ombros

No luto, vou me reerguer No luto, vou deixar você morrer No luto Toda a minha preocupação

E agora não há nada além do tempo desperdiçado E palavras que não têm sustentação E agora parece que o mundo inteiro está esperando Você pode ouvir os ecos desaparecendo?

No luto, vou me reerguer No luto, vou deixar você morrer No luto Todas as minhas desculpas

E isso toma toda a minha força Não poder te desenterrar do chão em que você deitou Da maior parte de mim, você foi a melhor coisa E agora você é apenas uma memória para desapegar

No luto, vou me reerguer No luto, vou deixar você morrer No luto Todas as minhas desculpas

No luto, vou me reerguer No luto, vou deixar você morrer No luto Todas as minhas desculpas

Bem, eu tenho tido medo de mudar Porque eu construí minha vida ao seu redor Mas o tempo traz coragem, crianças envelhecem Eu envelheço também

Então pegue meu amor e leve-o Oh, eu escalei uma montanha e voltei E eu vi meu reflexo nas colinas cobertas de neve E a avalanche me trouxe pra baixo E a avalanche me trouxe pra baixo

Então no luto, vou me reerguer No luto, vou deixar você morrer No luto Todas as minhas desculpas

[tilsunsetwitu]

You were the greatest thing, and now you're just a memory to let go of.

[billytothemax]

@mxndwitch​ asked: " l-look at me... hey, look at me... this wasn't your fault. "

Billy sniffed, still staring at the place his father used to stand. He wanted him back, would do pretty much anything to have another hug, to see him make mom smile again. “But. I could have been better.”

[wonwoomi]

in the mourning.

@mingyuxmi  september 30th, 2017.

( tw !! death mention )

It feels like it’s been a long time since they’ve last been in this position, but maybe that’s just Wonwoo’s wishful thinking— his awful memory. Still, no matter how hard he tries, there’s one thing he can never forget. The familiar feeling of life slipping through his fingers but the panic, the sickness, that had accompanied it for the first time is still fresh in his mind when he feels the bed tip in the middle of the night a full three hundred and sixty five days later. His sweat mixing with tears, his nose buried in the older’s sweet scent as he held him close, holding the both of them together as if all the fragmented pieces of them could make one whole person for one night they needed to the most. He sighs, runs a hand down his face to wake himself up properly before he swings his legs out of their cooling bed. 

“Baby,” he calls softly from the doorway once the apartment has fallen to silence once again. His body had jumped at the sound of Mingyu’s pained yell, but its instinct now is to press close, wrap around him as protectively as he possibly can, but instead, he reaches for the hands tangled in his hair and attempts to gently pry them apart. “Listen to me,” he insists carefully, sitting cross legged in front of him. “Everything’s okay, I promise.” 

[xicapenico]

Tom Holland can't keep secrets

Tom Holland can’t keep secrets

[ad_1] Tom Holland can’t keep secrets [ad_2] View Reddit by inthemournings – View Source

[billytothemax]

     “Of course there must be lots of Magic in the world," he said wisely one day, "but people don't know what it is like or how to make it. Perhaps the beginning is just to say nice things are going to happen until you make them happen. I am going to try and experiment.” 

-The Secret Garden

After the Hex - In the Mourning

Mom tucked them into bed, but when morning came soon after, they were standing on an empty lot, with just the framework border of the house remaining. The twins turned to mom, stuck in their pajamas and bare feet, but at the moment, she didn’t have any answers. Not yet.

She had things to take care of, such as flying them far away from Westview as she quickly as she could, getting them somewhere safe. Suddenly, the only home they ever knew wasn’t, and they weren’t sure how.

It wasn’t so important to Billy, as he took it upon himself to try and cheer up mom. Her being so sad hurt so much more than dad being gone. That was all that mattered to him. They began to age in a normal fashion with Billy doing things around the house to try and make things easier for mom, training his magic only after everything was okay. 

[hell0clarice]

Some nights, I get a song in my heart and I don't need accompaniment, I don't need to think about it, I just need to sing. @paramore #InTheMourning

[paramore-rk-life]

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Awww besties!! @yelyahwilliams and #NoTwitterTaylor in 2013. #Repost @paramoreobsesion with @repostapp. 😍😍😍 #hayleywilliams #tayloryork #paramore #paramorミ #song #inthemourning #Music