#intimacy anthology project

[flurrys-creativity]

Ateez Hongjoong Masterlist

banner made by @daemour

Smiley Catalogue:

🥰 = Fluff 😁 = Slice of life 🤪 = Humour 🧜‍♀️ = Fantasy

❤ = Romance ⚡ = Angst 💣 = Sensitive themes (death, etc.)

🦄 = Hybrid 🥵 = Smut 😏 = Suggestive

Last update: May 2024

Series:

Say my name (Gangsta AU) 🥰⚡🤪❤💣

Normally as a journalist you only see everything from the sidelines, you are never involved in cases or situations. That changes the moment you stumble over a crime scene and decide not to mention the guys you saw during your police questioning. Now kidnapped by those guys you realize they are trying to find the real culprit and you are intrigued to help them.

One shots:

Trapped in snow 😁🥰❤

Part of the Winter Hearts event. You wanted to leave the country before the snow got too much for you. Sadly you missed the chance to leave and were trapped in your own home. Hongjoong, who felt bad for you, decided to bring your original destination to you and turned the whole apartment upside down.

Baby Fever 😁🤪❤🥵🥰

Part of the Intimacy Anthology Project. Being intimate when you have a one year old baby is hard. Though Hongjoong and you weren’t giving up and trying every chance you could get. Despite knowing full well that you would get interrupted most of the time. And trying to be closer with each other while the baby is running a fever didn’t make it any easier.

A little something 😁🤪🥰😏

A little something more 🥵⚡😏🥰😁

Your group of friends invited you on a camping trip and you were more than excited to go. That excitement vanished though when a rainstorm crashed your tent and left you in a pool of water. You tried to find shelter in the first tent you found, landing in front of Hongjoong, who wasn’t too pleased about your presence.

Bouncy 😁🥵❤️

You stayed backstage while the boys performed on stage, watching them through the live stream. Though seeing your boyfriend like this and reading all the comments about him, you became quite jealous. To get rid of your jealousy Hongjoong had to get creative with you.

Miscellaneous:

Nightmares (drabble) 🥰😁❤

Requested. You wake up after having a nightmare and crawl into Hongjoong’s bed to calm down again.

03.35am (timestamp) 😁🤪

On a rainy day you stumble over a lump in the middle of an alley. Unsure whether the lump is alive or not, you kick it lightly and reveal an injured man.

First date (drabble) 😁⚡

A typical date usually consisted of eating a dinner, going to the movies and potentially making out. But here you were, pressed against a wall after you left your date to deal with a group of thugs.

Staying up late (drabble) 😁🤪

Normally it was Hongjoong who stayed up late. Though when he tiptoed in your shared apartment, it took him with surprise to still see you up and awake in the middle of the night.

Moanday (drabble) 😁🥵❤

Part of the lemon week. Being holed up in his studio and stuck on a song, the audio message Hongjoong received seemed like a light at the end of the tunnel.

[acoupofowls]

Other Worlds: An Anthology of Diverse Short Fiction

Short stories by writers from marginalised and/or underrepresented communities or backgrounds exploring the theme of "Other Worlds"

KICKSTARTER NOW LIVE and SUBMISSIONS OPEN!

Other Worlds is the second print anthology brought to you by A Coup of Owls Press - home of online quarterly anthologies from creators from marginalised and/or underrepresented communities or backgrounds.

As a follow-up to Other & Different, which explored what it is to be othered, Other Worlds will be an exploration of places, situations, communities, etc, that are other. These might be actual other worlds in a science or speculative fiction genre, or a community, or a situation in the historical or modern world that feels or is made to feel alien. Encompassing a variety of styles and genres, Other Worlds will feature stories focused on the theme of being part of those othered communities - however the writers wish to interpret that.

THE STORIES

We are thrilled to confirm that we have invited five fantastic authors to contribute to Other Worlds, and our submissions for the remaining stories are open from 1st October to 15th November 2023. 

For more submissions guidelines and to submit, check out our submissions page.

Eve Morton:  Strange people with strange purposes gather in Haven (Science Fiction).

Eve Morton is a poet, professor, and parent living in Waterloo, Ontario. She likes coffee, short stories, and horror movies--in that order.  Weblinks: website

Previous publications include: A Coup of Owls, Other Stories Podcast and Third Flatiron Publishing

Victor Okechukwu: A post-civil war community feels cut off from the rest of Nigeria when a woman's only son enters a train to Jos but  may not return (Modern Nigerian Lit). 

Victor Okechukwu is a writer based in Lagos, Nigeria. His writing takes a deep setting in arresting issues of mental health that have been overlooked in his country. He's an Associate Prose Editor at Zerotic Press and is reading mass communication at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. Weblinks: Twitter

Previous publications include: Gordon Square Review, Mycelia, Door-is-a-jar, and Rigorous Magazine

Von Reyes: Violence and intimacy become blurred and life might just be worth fighting for amongst a community of underground fighters (Speculative Fiction).

Von Reyes is an emergent fiction author, focused on uplifting the intersections of queer and trans masculinity and Asian diasporic identity. He focuses on genre fiction with themes of surrealism, queer sexuality, existentialism, and optimistic nihilism. He is passionate about creating a more socially conscious world where care for each other is at the core of all that we do. He hopes to tell stories that don't shy away from the horrors, but allows us to find the light within them. When he isn't writing, he can usually be found chasing the ocean and his next iced coffee.  Weblinks: website

Previous publications include: The Good Men Project. Forthcoming in Chill Mag.

Zachary Rosenberg:  A Jewish soldier and rancher must contend with mysterious monsters to build the home he longs for (Horror Western).

Zachary Rosenberg is a horror writer living in Florida. He crafts horrifying tales by night and by day he practices law, which is even more frightening. His debut novella Hungers as Old As This Land is out now from Brigids Gate Press and his second, The Long Shalom, is available from by Off Limits Press. Weblinks: Twitter

Previous publications include: Dark Matter Magazine, The Deadlands, and the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction.

Samir Sirk Morató: When an Appalachian community clashes with their neighbors—a grove of sentient, dying chestnut trees—tragedy strikes (Horror).

Samir Sirk Morató is a scientist, artist, and flesh heap. They are also a 2022 Brave New Weird shortlister and a F(r)iction Fall 2022 Flash Fiction finalist. Samir spends most of their time tending to their cacti and contemplating the nature of meat. Weblinks: Twitter, Instagram, and website

Previous publications include: Neon Hemlock, bodyfluids, Catapult, and Seize the Press.

COVER ART

We can't wait to share with you the amazing cover art currently being created by amazing artist @pangaeastarseed.

Pangaea is a life-long artist and resident of the DC suburbs. A freelance illustrator with 20+ years experience, Pan’s work focuses on figure work and visual narratives utilizing the exploration of queerness, food as a love-language, and colors influenced by their florid synaesthesia.

Pangaea’s previous work includes custom illustration commissions and tattoo designs for clients; Starseed, an original gay-porn-space-opera comic, The Alien Dick Coloring Book, sketchbook zines Cardassia Prime and Cardassia Kotok, and the Washington DC-variant poster design of The Lambda Literary Awards 2022.

Portfolio: https://www.pangaeaillustrations.com/

WHY KICKSTARTER?

We want to ensure that we produce the high quality product that we know we can! Whilst design, layout and formatting happens in-house, Kickstarter funds will help cover pay for our authors, cover artist and editor. 

REWARDS

Add Ons!

We have a variety of extras available in the add-ons, from extra copies to special collected editions.  Whilst we've tried to create reward tiers to suit everyone, the add-ons will better allow you to mix and match to your preference! 

Our own @maxturnerwrites is once more offering some of his own work at discounted prices for supporters.

STRETCH GOALS!

£1000 : at £1000 we will add an Other Worlds bookmark for each physical backer

£1250 : at £1250 we will add an A5 print of cover art (without title) to each physical backer, and an e-copy of the same to each e-backer

£1500 : at £1500 we will add an Other Worlds tote bag for each physical backer

[titoist]

the last few books i've read which i formed a meaningful attachment to - which, basically, through my extreme pickiness, amounts to just 'the last few books i've read' - feel like they could be at least loosely classified as anthologies. collections of stories with separate & delineated events but convergent themes & characters & ideas. a macrocosmic exploration of an ultimately small setting, which by the end becomes a neat snowglobe of a narrative. mercifully "homely", or unmercifully "claustrophobic" - invisible cities, winesburg ohio, kafka's zurau aphorisms in-a-strange-roundabout-sort-of-way.

i greatly value focus & intimacy in writing, i think. i value stories constructed as bindings of individual moments. maybe interconnected, but individual nevertheless.

the bad thing about this is that i cannot let go. i start reading them in delineated chunks, forming an emotional attachment to the pages, projecting my attachment on the idealized meaning i would like the book to hold for me & the significance that i feel it should have. the books become objects in the bedroom of my mind - but they're necessarily finite, something one goes through and extracts meaning from & then puts down. but i greatly value the process of extracting more from it. to me, nearing the end, it starts to feel like the book - at this point not a book but a proxy for all the positivities & emotions i associate with whatever is contained inside - is rotting away in my hands. every turn of the page starts to hurt. i feel like my brain is being pierced & something inside of me is definitively coming to an end.

but this is probably directly counterthetical to the feeling, knowledge, or insight that i would ideally like to gain from from any given thing i read. in any case i would probably not be feeling this unique attachment were i conditioned as a child to read recreationally instead of being locked in a room with no guidance except the computer for a decade & a half. as i type this my copy of winesburg ohio is still the first tab in my browser & i've been dreading closing it for the last 5 days

[finishinglinepress]

FLP CHAPBOOK OF THE DAY: Of a Mother by Sarah Williams-Devereux – NWVS #177

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee:

https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/of-a-mother-by-sarah-williams-devereux-nwvs-177/

RESERVE YOUR COPY TODAY

Of a Mother enters the strange time-space continuum of #grief that is #terminal #illness, exploring a #mother’s death from #cancer and a daughter’s ways of coping. In this linear set of poems, everyday objects like pincushions, dressing gowns, and perfumes become relics; sponge baths, cool drinks, and hand lotion become sacred offerings; the living #mother and the cremation urn are superimposed, leaving the bereaved at a crossroads: how to live without a parent.

Sarah Williams-Devereux is a poet, artist, and educator from Pittsburgh, PA. Her work has appeared in multiple avenues, including journals, anthologies, radio, and public art projects. She teaches poetry for the Madwomen in the Attic program at Carlow University in Pittsburgh, PA. Certified in transformative language arts foundations from the Transformative Language Arts Network, she is an apprentice training instructor for Amherst Writers & Artists and received her MA in teaching writing from Johns Hopkins University. She also has an extensive background in social justice philanthropy, art education, and museum education.

PRAISE FOR Of a Mother by Sarah Williams-Devereux – NWVS #177

The emotional and physical ties between mothers and daughters haunt Of a Mother, poet Sarah Williams-Devereux’s micro-chapbook about the loss of her mother to cancer and subsequent decade of mourning. With plain language and an unflinching eye, Williams-Devereux documents every stage of her mother’s decline and the surprising way that grief unspools over time. The title poem and others explore the legacy of the body’s betrayal over generations, turning a meditation on endometriosis into a bloody love letter. In our sanitized society, where death often happens off-stage and in silence, Williams-Devereux offers a bold opportunity to hold death by the hand, stare it in the face, and make our peace.

–Faith Adiele, author of The Nigerian-Nordic Girl’s Guide to Lady Problems

Sarah Williams-Devereux’s exquisite book, Of a Mother, is a hard-won and vastly original love song to her mother, landing on sonorous and luminous notes from a daughter’s birth past a mother’s death. As Williams-Devereux writes in one poem, “I summon you over & over,” whether on an answering machine, momentary thoughts, or daily yearnings to acknowledge and keep alive the flame of connection. The depth of intimacy, courage, and love between the two endures in and beyond these finely honed poems, vivid and tender, and altogether clear-eyed in speaking of the love that outlives life.

–Caryn Mirriam-Goldberg, Kansas Poet Laureate Emeritus

By turns sensual and cutting, these poems are filled to the brim with grief as you’ve never experienced it before. Each line explodes with life even as they chronicle death and its chaotic aftermath. The pain of losing a mother is indescribable, yet Williams-Devereux captures it with terrifying, tender precision.

–AJ Odasso, author of The Sting of It and The Pursued and the Pursuing

Please share/please repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetry #chapbook #read #poems #cancer #illness #mother #family

[dukenucumcomics]

Intro!

Hey, I'm Duke! He/him, in my late 20s, and working on smutty comics! I write, letter, and do some production work. I have one comic I worked on out so far, Rivals, with Rebecca Ann. It's available at the link (and in the true colors, not the Tumblr colors)!

I'm working on a number of other projects, mostly writing. I designed a logo that I'm happy with for what it is, but really looking to grow this skill on more. It's called PureSmut and it's an anthology of short smutty one-off stories.

I've also got some fan-stuff in the works. My inspirations are Genshin, Hades, and Marvel & DC. Figuring out how to post more of my writing so people can get an idea of it, but right now it's all in comics format so might not be the most exciting read.

I tend to lean towards stuff that's funny, sometimes romantic, and often heavily into vulnerability in intimacy. Kinda kinky and willing to work within the artist's comfort levels. No minors or incest.

I'm looking for collaborators and co-creators. I don't really have a lot of $$$ to spend, but I'm willing to put in a lot of work and figure out very favorable deals.

That's it for now, but psyched to share more! And DM me if you ever want my email to talk making dirty comics and stuff!

[haveanotherkpopblog]

Early Morning Sunlight

Part of the Intimacy Anthology Project

Pairing: Do Kyungsoo x OC

Genre: Fluff, Single Parent!AU

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Vomit, Sexual Situations

Summary: Kyungsoo and his girlfriend have an unexpected interruption early in the morning.

The rays of early morning sunlight filtered through the window of a tiny apartment and into an even tinier bedroom. Soft, quiet breathing filled the small room. Two figures laid on the bed in peaceful slumber, wrapped in fluffy, white blankets. Their limbs were tangled together.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, eyes fluttering open. He squinted slightly, turning his head away from the early morning sunlight as it warmed his face. He turned to gaze upon the sleeping figure that laid beside him, still fast asleep. His girlfriend of two years now, Zhao Meilin, had her face pushed against the pillow, her dark locks falling across her face and onto the pillow.

The early morning sunlight grazed the edges of her face, casting an angelic glow around her. Her sharp features cast defined shadows over her face. Despite this, her face was relaxed. Here, in his arms, in the early hours of the morning, she seemed at complete peace. Her chest rose and fell slowly with each breath she took.

Kyungsoo gently moved her hair from her face, memorising every feature on her face. His eyes traced over the curve of her brow,  to the edge of her cheekbones. From her sharp nose, smooth jawline, and plump lips. Not as plump as his of course, but damn near close.

He brought a hand up to her face, gingerly running a finger along her features. She shifted slightly but didn’t wake. He paused at her mouth, taking in the dip of her cupid’s bow, the slight curl at the corners of her mouth, the faint cracks etched into her lips.

He let his eyes fall shut, reminiscing the feeling of her lips against his. The quick pecks they shared while she stood in the kitchen, preparing for work as he left in a hurry to get to the studio. The sweet, innocent kisses they shared on their private dates, usually in a small town or even a different country if time allowed it. The lingering kisses at her door right before he went away on tour, spending torturous months away from each other. Long make out sessions from his return, arms wrapped around each other as they re-explored their mouths. Hot, wet, frenzied kisses shared in the dark of night, their limbs a tangled mess as whispered praises filled each other’s ears.

He smirked at the memory, dragging his bottom lip through his teeth. He opened his eyes again, staring down at her sleeping form with a darkened gaze, staring at her sleeping form, hidden beneath an unnecessary amount of blankets. He could picture her body perfectly, curled slightly from being held by him the night prior. He knew every dip and curve of her body. God knew how many nights he had spent memorising everything about her.

He let his finger gently brush against her bottom lip, watching as it dipped slightly from the pressure of his thumb. Meilin slowly began to stir from her deep slumber. She scrunched her face, carefully opening one eye. The sun had shifted in the sky and now cast its rays over her face completely, warming her face. She slowly blinked both eyes open, inhaling deeply as she became aware of her surroundings. A soft smile graced her lips as her eyes met those of her handsome boyfriend.

“Good morning Baobei. What has you up so early?” she inquired, tucking her arm under her head. He smiled back, moving to rest his head in his hand.

“Just admiring your beauty, Jagiya,” he replied, using his free hand to rub her side. She hummed, letting her eyes close briefly. He smiled down at her, letting the tips of his fingers ghost her sides. When she opened her eyes again, she was staring up at her boyfriend with an amused smirk.

“Promise me you aren’t going Edward Cullen on me and watching me sleep.” He rolled his eyes as he let out a soft chuckle, his deep voice reverberating off the bedroom walls. Meilin bit the inside of her cheek, quite enjoying the sound of Kyungsoo’s deep, gravely voice this early in the morning.

“None of that. I promise,” he assured her. He brought his hand up to her face, gently cupping it as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “No, I was simply admiring my beautiful girlfriend in the early morning sunlight.” She raised a brow, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Oh are you now? And what, praytell, makes her so beautiful this early in the morning?” It was Kyungsoo’s turn to smirk. If there was one thing about Meilin that simultaneously pissed him off and turned him off was her ability to turn everything into a debate. And defending his compliments of her always lead to a sweet reward for the both of them.

“Well, let’s start with the fact that she has an astounding glow around her, courtesy of the sun of course.”

“Naturally.”

“She looks so beautiful, every time I look at her, I’m sure I’ve died and gone to heaven,” he said. She blushed slightly, turning her head away to try and hide it. Sensing the challenge before him, Kyungsoo moved so he was hovering over her. “If that’s not specific enough I could go into more detail. Like, I could tell you about her eyes.” She glanced up at him, a condescending look on her face.

“You can’t see my eyes when they’re closed,” she taunted. He nodded his head in agreement, moving closer. He smirked before kissing the top of her jaw, right below her ear.

“No, but I can imagine them. I can imagine how they seem to glow in the light and how dark they can get when you’re mad… or horny.” He nipped at her earlobe, earning a shudder from her. He reached his hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, slowly dragging his finger down the side of her face as he continued talking. “I like imagining them staring up at me with such an innocent, yet provocative, gaze. But it’s even better when your mouth is doing something else.” She bit her lip, thought focused on his hand traveling down her face and his sinful words.

“Oh really now? What do I do with my mouth that you like so much?” Meilin inquired. She kept her gaze steady to his despite her heart beating erratically in her chest. Kyungsoo moved closer, his chest almost pressing against hers. He leant down, whispering his love for her mouth right into her ear. His breath fanned across the side of her face, only adding to the heat of her body.

 “I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of her mouth pressed against mine,” he said when he pulled away slightly.

“And why would that be?” Despite her heavy breathing and her heart pounding in her chest and her head feeling slightly dizzy, her voice was calm and steady.

Instead of answering, Kyungsoo pressed his lips to hers, gently kissing her. Meilin immediately responded, her eyes falling shut as she savored the sweet, early morning kiss. His hand went to cradle her face, bringing them closer together. She reached under his arms, gripping onto his shoulders. One of her legs slid around his torso as he trailed his mouth from her lips, up her jaw and down the length of her neck. His hand gripped her thigh tightly as he left chaste kisses all over her. She squirmed beneath his gentle kisses, her body arching and jolting with each touch.

“Stop teasing,” she whined. Her voice was soft and airy. He hummed in response, but did not stop his gentle attack. He kissed his way back to her mouth, pressing three quick kisses to her mouth. He smiled to himself as she began to giggle softly. “You can be so annoying.”

“I’ll be more than happy to mke it up to you,” he murmured. He watched with pleasure as her eyes began to darken. She hummed, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. She paused, eyes glazing over as she thought to herself.

“What about the kids?” Kyungsoo glanced over at the clock. It was five-forty-five in the morning. He shook his head.

“They’re still asleep. They won’t be up for almost another hour. And as long as you stay quiet, there shouldn’t be a problem.” She quirked a brow, a smirk coming onto her face.

“Is that a challenge?” Instead of answering, he began to leave wet, open mouthed kisses down her neck. She let out a quiet moan, her body relaxing under his touch. His hands traveled down her body to once again map out the body he knew so well.

“Mama.” Kyungsoo paused his movements, briefly closing his eyes. He knew he’d jinxed their morning together. He shuffled around so he was back to laying next to Meilin. They poked their heads out from under the covers, looking over to the door that had been quietly pushed open. Meizhen, Meilin’s five-year-old daughter, stood at the door, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Qianjin, what’s wrong?” Meilin slid out of bed, making her way to her daughter’s side. Meizhen turned to Meilin. She didn’t say anything, but she squinted, blinking rapidly. She crouched down, moving Meizhen’s hair away from her face. “Meizhen?”

Before she could say anything, Meizhen scrunched her body up and proceeded to projectile vomit all over Meilin. Kyungsoo’s mouth fell open as his eyes almost popped out of his head. Meilin closed her eyes, her jaw clenching. Meizhen began crying, lip quivering as she stared at her mother. Kyungsoo clambered out of bed, moving to carefully pull Meizhen away without being near the vomit.

“I’ll take care of Meizhen. You go clean up Jagi,” Kyungsoo said. Meilin didn’t say anything. She simply nodded, standing up and heading to the bathroom. Kyungsoo scooped Meizhen up, holding her to his chest as he made his way to the kitchen. He set her next to the sink, in case she had to throw up again. He found the thermometer and carefully took her temperature. She definitely had a fever.

He picked her up again and went to her room. She rested her head on his shoulder wrapping her tiny arms around his neck. He carefully laid her in her bed, placing a bin next to her. He moved her hair away from her face. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Get some rest, Meizhen. You’ll be fine in a few hours.” She nodded, curling into a ball and closing her eyes.

Kyungsoo headed back towards the kitchen. It wouldn’t be long before Meilin’s roommates and her sons would wake up. He began making breakfast: eggs, bacon, toast, coffee for the roommates and juice for Sheng and Jinhai, Meilin’s sons. As it simmered in the pan, he went to set the table.  He wouldn’t be able to join them since he had to head to work, but he would make sure everyone had a good, healthy breakfast.

“What’s all this?” Meilin was leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed over her chest. Her hair was still wet from her shower, tiny droplets falling onto the exposed skin of her chest and down into her tank top. She had a smirk on her lips, her brows raised. Kyungsoo turned towards the stove, tearing his eyes away from her glistening skin.

“I thought you’d all like breakfast,” he said, flipping the bacon over. He listened as meilin padded across the kitchen. He felt her arms wrap around his torso as she rested her head on his shoulder. They were quiet for a few moments, savoring each other’s presence. The sizzling of the bacon and their light breathing filled the room.

“You know, you’re absolutely amazing,” she whispered. He smiled to himself, focusing on not burning the eggs as he fought off a blush.

“I didn’t realize being able to cook would have won you over so easily.,” he said. She rolled her eyes, giving his shoulder a tap as her own smirk played onto her lips.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “I don’t know many men who would help take care of a child that wasn’t theirs. Especially since we aren’t married. And while I do love your cooking, it’s the fact you thought to cook even though you won’t get to eat it. You’re thoughtful, kind, caring and, well, amazing.”

Kyungsoo bit the inside of his bottom lip and willed himself not to blush. He removed breakfast from the stove, setting it back to cool. He turned the stove off and turned around, wrapping his arms round Meilin. She was staring up at him with so much love and adoration in her eyes, he thought he’d melt from her gaze.

“You know I would do almost anything for you. You, Sheng, Meizhen, and Jinhai. I love you guys. I love you.” Meilin’s smirk melted into a foolish grin. She tilted her head up, capturing his mouth in a sweet, giggly kiss.

“I love you too.” She kissed him again, hugging him as tight as possible.

“Ew! Kissing!” They broke apart as Sheng entered the kitchen. Jinhai came waddling in after him, his hair sticking up in a million different places. Sheng scrunched his nose, sticking his tongue out. Kyungsoo and Meilin chuckled as her roommates filed in, each taking a seat at the table.

“Go get ready. I’ll serve breakfast.” Kyungsoo nodded and disappeared to get ready for work. He checked on Meizhen before he went to leave. He paused at the kitchen, peeking his head in.

Everyone was seated around the table, light pouring in from the windows. The love of his life was laughing and talking with her closest friends and her kids. He smiled fondly and contemplated staying. He knew he needed to get to work so with one final smile he left, keeping the image of his family happy in the early morning sunlight.

[newsmutproject]

Cunning Linguists: Table of Contents

We’re thrilled to announce the authors and stories in the New Smut Project’s fourth anthology, Cunning Linguists.

Language. Literature. Lechery.

Thirty authors share clever, sensual stories of the many ways we communicate about and around our desires. From erotic epistolary tales to steamy retellings of classics, this collection bursts with memorable and hot new reading material.

One Tongue – A.C. Quill

Dido Burns – Taylor Verdon

Blue Rising – Max Turner

Head to Toe – Camille Devine

I Ought to Be Thy Adam – Seb Palumbus

Barako – Rachel Woe

Draft – T.C. Mill

Astronautical Intimacy – Tiana Talaria

Sky-High at Aquarius – jem zero

The Meaning of Anything – Kristan X

Muse – Sprocket J. Rydyr

On the Line – Sonni de Soto

Noi Leggiavamo Per Diletto – Alex Freeman

We’re Not Tentacle Porn – Koji A. Dae

Spark to the Tinder – Cathy Bryant

Written – Ollie Fox

Frontiers – Moxie Marcus

Cave Suckers – Elizabeth A. Allen

Under the Table – Rachel Kramer Bussel

Planet Rolling Over – Peach Berman

Moonlight and Madness – A. Zimmerman

First Time – Alex Yan

Inkmanship – Melissa Snowdon

Welcome to EvolWorld – Louise Kane

Spell Ling B – D. Fostalove

Unsexed, Sexy – Danny McLaren

The Feeling’s Mutual – D.J. Hodge

The Training of the Tongue – Evadare Volney

More Than Words – Lillian James

Phantom Centre – T.J. Cooke

Heated banter simmers until the sexual tension boils over. An academic aches with curiosity about the mysterious woman behind the letters she translates–and the mysterious woman working alongside her. Lovers seek a common language after the fall of Babel. Without a physical body, a spaceship’s AI makes love to her captain with words. A domme and her sub negotiate kink titles that reflect all they are to each other. After saving his nonbinary partner, Victor Frankenstein celebrates both erotically and electrically.

Diverse characters find pleasure in body writing, music, virtual realities, fanfiction, first-time phone sex, the queer truth behind local folklore, and reading aloud despite a boyfriend’s best attempts at distraction. Stories ranging from the lighthearted to the bittersweet explore what happens when someone finds just the right thing to say in bed—or says the wrong one—or speaks eloquently without using any words at all.

Preorder links:

Gumroad (use coupon code CUNNING for 25% off ebook preorders and LINGUISTS for $1.50 US off paperback orders)

Amazon

Smashwords

Barnes and Noble

Other retailers – Books2Read

A paperback issue will also be available – subscribe to our newsletter to receive an email when it is.

[hobeemin]

after dark

◾ genre: smut, pwp, sol, established relationship au, idol au

◾ pairing: johnny suh x black (f) oc x jung yoonoh

◾ rating: 18+

◾ warning(s): swearing, self-consciousness, polyamorous relationship, oral (m and f receiving), praise kink, sub/switch/dom, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, double penetration 

◾ word count: 3.5k

◾ credits: a huge thank you to @flowerboykun​ Zoe I really appreciate you reading this over for me.🥺💜

resources for banner here ~ 1, 2, 3, 4

◾ a/n:  part of The Intimacy Anthology Project hosted by @peonybane found here

Eden pressed the code on the keypad. Once the color changed from red to green and beeped softly, she pushed the door in and was met with delectable smells coming from her kitchen. She sniffed the air as she slipped her flats off and put on her slippers. Her calico kitten strolled up to her and rubbed against her leg, purring loudly, wanting to be cuddled. She chuckled, picking her up and kissing her fur.

“Well, hello to you too, Mitzy. I missed you too. Where are your daddies? I hope they’re not making a mess in my kitchen.”

A laugh burst from the kitchen as she walked closer.

“You think so little of us, baby.”

Eden’s brow quirked. Of course, Johnny always had something to say. She set Mitzy down and peeked around the corner. Her eyes widened at the view. Her boyfriends–yes plural–were cooking...in the nude. Each was wearing a long-waisted apron with their asses swaying in the breeze. Her eyes widened for a moment, trying to conceal the shock across her face.

Jaehyun smirked, knowing full well Eden was enjoying their show. He made a point to bend over as he opened the oven up.

She willed her eyes to look away from watching his ass sway as he checked on the prime rib.

Where the hell did he learn to cook that?!

“Your boss gave us a few pointers,” Johnny interjected smugly.

“Oh, did he?”

Jaehyun straightened up, closed the oven door, and walked over to the wine rack, grabbing a bottle and glass from the shelf. Smiling and not leaving her gaze, he opened the bottle and poured her a healthy portion. He walked around the counter and handed her the glass.

“Relax. Drink. And get that pout off your face.”

“I’m not pouting,” she argued, reaching for the wine glass. 

“You are, baby. Just let us take care of you for once.”

Eden scoffed but decided arguing would be fruitless. They were just as stubborn as she was, sometimes even more.

Still, she couldn’t help but be a bit impressed with them. They were making this feast all for her. The swooning would have to wait. Eden took a seat at the island counter, sipping her wine ever so often. 

Watching them was sort of a turn-on. Her head tilted to the side, watching Johnny with a giggle. He was stirring the mashed potatoes on the stovetop.

“Babe–”

Jaehyun reached over and pressed a finger to her lips. “No talking.”

Eden’s eyes narrowed, but she stopped talking. Johnny gave her a wink adding the garlic and butter to the mashed potatoes.

The inviting smell made her realize how hungry she really was. She felt her mouth salivate as the aromas grew stronger. 

Jaehyun checked on the green beans giving a final nod. “Everything looks good. Eden, you can take a seat at the dining room table.”

Eden followed his instructions, slipping from her chair and walking back into the living room. Candles lit the table set for three. Mitzy sat in the chair without a place setting, swishing her tail.

“There’s food in your bowl Mitzy.”

The cat stared momentarily at her before jumping down and going back into the kitchen to be nosy. The two attractive males walked in carrying dishes to place on the mats on the table. Aprons still on, they worked silently fixing her plate. Johnny began to cut her prime rib diligently. 

“You like medium-rare, right?”

“Yes, please.”

Jaehyun added the mashed potatoes and green beans to the plate. 

“Not too much, Jae,” she said with a pout.

His eyes cut to her as his jaw clenched. “You’re gonna eat whatever I put on this plate, Eden. I didn’t slave over the stove for you to fuss. Got it?”

Okay, that was hot. She squeaked, sitting back in her chair. Johnny cut into the prime rib, adding some horseradish sauce to a piece, and held the fork up to her lips.

“Eat.”

Her mouth opened as the morsel slipped into her mouth. She chewed silently as the flavors burst in her mouth. The meat was seasoned perfectly! Her eyes darted to each man, desire in her gaze. Jaehyun took another fork and placed some mashed potatoes and green beans on it. Eden tried to protest once more.

“Are you both going to feed me?”

“Yes,” they answered in unison.

Her brow quirked up. “When are you going to eat your food?”

Johnny sighed. “Don’t worry about us, baby. Just let us cater to you.”

Well damn.

Eden remained on her best behavior as they continued to feed her, and soon her plate was wiped clean. Johnny took her plate off the table and walked into the kitchen. Jae smirked, standing as he held out his hand.

“C’mon, baby. Follow me.”

She took his hand as he led her out the dining room and towards the guest bathroom.

What are they up to?

Jae turned to place a kiss on her forehead.

“You’ve had a long day. Take a nice hot shower and head to the bedroom when you’re finished.”

At this point, Eden decided that any protests would be fruitless.  With a nod, she headed towards the bathroom.

Johnny appeared in the living room doorway, drying off the last pan. He quirked his eyebrow staring at Jaehyun.

“She taking a shower?”

“Yep.”

“Need help with everything in the bedroom?”

Jaehyun shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “Maybe. Grab the candles.”

Johnny nodded before going back into the kitchen to put the rest of the dishes away. Once he made sure Mitzy had enough water in her bowl, he walked into the bedroom to help Jaehyun.

Not long after, Eden emerged from the steamy bathroom, towel wrapped around her torso. She removed the clip holding her faux locs, letting them tumble down past her shoulders. She ran, her hands through her hair, loosened any tangles and walked towards the bedroom. 

Twisting the doorknob, she pushed the door in and entered. Her jaw nearly dropped at the sight before her eyes. Candles flickered around on the dresser and end tables, and rose petals covered the floor and king-sized bed. Her eyes zoomed in on a massage table set in the middle of the room, and Jaehyun and Johnny stood by the table, smiling at her.

“What’s this?”

Jaehyun chuckled, walked over to the wardrobe closet, and grabbed a few things. Turning, she noticed a towel in his hand.

“Take your towel off and lay down, please,” he replied, gesturing to the table.

 “Jae–”

His lips thinned as he stared at her, jawline tensed as his eyes flashed with authority. Oh, he was making that face again. One she knew all too well. Eden gulped softly as she removed her towel. Johnny took it from her hands and hung it up in the bathroom.

“Hop on, babe.”

Eden climbed up on the massage table, resting on her stomach. Though they had seen her naked many times, the men appreciated the dips and curves of her body any chance they got. Jae walked over and draped a fresh towel over her and neatly folded it over her backside.

“Comfortable?”

“Mhmm,” she murmured as her body relaxed into the mattress. 

He walked over to the table, picking up the bottle of oil he warmed up. Jaehyun poured some into his hands, handed the oil to Johnny, and rubbed his hands together before placing them on her back. A content sigh passed Eden’s lips as she felt his hands glide over her skin. Jae began to loosen the knots in her shoulders as Johnny focused on her calf muscles.

“Damn, baby. Why so tense?”

Eden snorted softly at Johnny’s words. “You know why. I spend the majority of my day on my feet. If I had a competent staff, I wouldn’t need to do so much.”

Jaehyun hummed in understanding as he rolled and pinched her skin. He moved her hair to the side, giving him better access to her neck, mindful of the pressure. Johnny’s fingers drummed along her legs, crawling slowly up to her thighs.

Jaehyun looked over at Johnny, giving him a smirk. Johnny returned the smile and paused his motions.

“Baby, can you open your legs a little more me?”

Almost falling asleep on the massage table, Eden managed to part her legs for him. Johnny bit down on his lip as his hands found their way to her inner thigh. His fingers brushed along her skin, leaving delicate touches. She let out a breathy sigh as her body sunk into the cushion. 

Jaehyun’s eyes surveyed over her body, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. “Baby, turn over for me, please.”

Johnny removed his hands as Eden rotated to lay on her back, and Johnny got another towel to cover her chest. They kneaded her skin once she was settled, warming the muscles up. Jaehyun scratched her scalp gently, earning a purr from her while Johnny rubbed oil along her arms and hands.

It was heavenly being spoiled by the two of them. Eden bit down on her lip, attempting to keep her sounds in check. The massage was starting to affect her. 

Johnny raised his brow, watching her. “Stop squirming around, baby.”

Eden pouted as she ceased her movements. “I can’t help it. Feels too good.”

Jaehyun chuckled darkly as he moved down to her ears, rubbing them gently. “If you can’t be quiet, we’ll have to do something about that.”

She opened her eyes to see him hovering over her. A playful smirk on her face. “Oh? I wonder what that could be.”

Johnny chuckled as he shook his head. “All you need to do is ask.”

Eden grabbed his hand, pulling herself up. The towel covering her chest slipped off, and she paid no attention to it. She sat up, letting her legs dangle over the side as Johnny caressed her cheek with his thumb, traveling down to trace her lips. Eden’s tongue darted out to wrap around the digit, bringing it into her mouth to suckle. His eyes flashed with desire watching her tease him. 

“Color?”

Eden darted her eyes between the two men. “Green.”

Johnny watched with a darkening gaze, stepping close to rub along her waist. He leaned in just enough for his lips to brush against her earlobe. His fingers found their way to her hair and tugged it to pause her movements. “You know what to do, Princess.”

Eden mewled at his words, staring at Johnny hungrily. Johnny wasted no time tugging his thumb between her lips and replacing it with his lips. Teeth knocking, they clawed at each other as Johnny proceeded to swallow her moans. Her legs parted, inviting Johnny to slot between them as she wrapped them around his legs. She shivered, feeling his cock brush against her thigh. 

Johnny deepened the kiss fighting for dominance as his tongue rolled against hers. Knowing they’d need air soon, Johnny pulled away, leaving her breathless from the kiss. He grinned at how disheveled she looked. Jaehyun tugged back on her hair, giving her a pout. 

“Don’t leave me hanging, princess.”

She felt her thighs clench together as Jaehyun captured her lips in a searing kiss, almost knocking her out. She craved both their kisses, each so different in its way. Jaehyun nipped at her bottom lip, suckling it to the point it began to bruise. She leaned into his kiss, shivering as she felt Johnny’s lips on her neck. He found that particular spot on her neck, making her stutter against them both. Dark marks bloomed on her skin, and he latched onto a space on her collar. Eden reached out and gripped Johnny’s hair with one hand and the other in Jaehyun’s hair. 

By now, Jaehyun was pressed against her back, erection hard and poking her backside. With some reluctance, he broke the kiss, eyeing her with unbridled passion. 

“Johnny?”

Johnny’s eyes darted up to meet Jaehyun’s. “Hmm?”

“Should I make our princess purr?”

“No question about it,” Johnny said as a glint of mischief twinkled in his eyes. He kissed her lips slowly, stroking her waist. He moved to the side, letting Jaehyun come to the front. Jaehyun dropped to his knees, keeping his eyes on her face, and looped his arms around her legs, pinning her hips to the massage bed. He pressed his lips to her pussy, giving it soft kisses along the outer labia. Eden’s breathing staggered as she eyed him. Her hands snatched his hair, gripping it tight. 

“Oh fuck.”

Jaehyun flicked his tongue across her clit, sucking it lightly. Johnny reached around and began to massage her breasts, slowly caressing each one and rubbing her nipples softly. As they hardened under his hands, he pulled lightly on her nipples. 

Jae’s eyes never left hers. Dark eyes staring back in deep brown ones. Hearing her noises only made him lick faster, and eventually, he slid two of his fingers deep within her slick hole. Her wetness overflowed out of her and coated his fingers in no time. He used his other hand to push one of Eden's legs farther apart for him.

"Mmmmm. Eden. You taste so good," Jaehyun cooed seductively as he pulled back to breathe a little.

“Let her taste,” Johnny ordered, watching with sharp eyes.

Jaehyun slid his fingers out and pressed them to her lips. Eden wasted no time pushing them past her lips. She moaned, tasting her arousal on his fingers, sucking them clean. Jaehyun trembled as he watched her. He bit down on his lip, wanting nothing more than to take her right then and there. Johnny pulled Jaehyun’s fingers from Eden’s mouth, replacing his lips to taste her in his tongue. He delved into her mouth, moaning with want. Sucking on her tongue, he pulled away, staring into her eyes.

“You’ve been so good, Princess. I think you deserve a treat.”

Jaehyun eyed them both, stroking himself. “What do you have in mind, Johnny?”

“I think Eden needs to be stuffed. Don’t you, Princess?”

Eden whimpered as she clenched her thighs together, causing friction. Just the thought of being filled by them was making her body react. Johnny gripped her chin, leaving a sloppy kiss in his wake before whispering in her ear. 

“Get Jae prepped.”

Eden reached for the bottle of lube, squirting a generous amount into her hand. She coated Jaehyun’s shaft with the liquid running her hand up and down slowly to tease. Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed as his jaw clenched. His breathing staggered while she warmed him up. He was already erect, but her touches only made him stiffen more. 

Jaehyun removed her hand and pushed her back down on the massage table. Parting her legs wider, he lined himself up at her entrance. Biting back a moan, he rubbed the tip of his cock up and down her slit. Eden jerked at the motions grabbing onto Johnny to keep still. Jaehyun wasted no time and thrust in one fluid motion. He let out a groan, dropping his head forward. Eden whimpered, feeling oh so full of him. 

“I need to move, baby,” Jaehun whispered.

She gave him a reassuring smile, signaling for him to continue. “Go ahead, Jae, please.”

Jae grunted as he pulled out enough for his tip to brush her entrance then slammed back into her cunt; the air knocked out of her lungs. Eden scrambled to move away, but Johnny held her arms, giving her light kisses on her temple.

“Baby, it’s okay. He’s making you so full. Watch him fill you up.”

Eden forced her eyes open as she looked down to his cock disappearing in her cunt. Sloppy sounds fill the air. Strangled cries along with his groans matching the rhythm. Johnny carded his fingers through her hair, singing praises to her. He bent down to her ear, nibbling on it gently.

“I think your mouth needs to be full too, right Princess?”

“Y-Yes,” she cried out, glancing up at him.

Johnny smirked, pushing her back on the massage table until her head hung over the side. Pumping his shaft, he brought it close to her lips. Instantly, her mouth opened wide, tongue sticking out. He set the tip on her tongue, letting it coat with his precum. Eden moaned, tasting him as she made eye contact with him. Johnny’s knees buckled as he grabbed onto the edge of the massage table. Eden breathed through her nose as Johnny fucked her mouth slowly. She hollowed her cheeks, running her tongue across his slit, knowing how much he loved when she did that.

The men worked in tandem. Jaehyun buried deep in her pussy, fingers digging deep into her hips. Johnny’s balls slapped her chin, trying to keep himself in control. With reluctance, he dragged his cock from her mouth with a sloppy pop. The saliva and cum covered her chin and lips.

The last thing they wanted was to overexert her. They gave each a meaningful look. “Last of the night, Princess. I can tell you’re getting tired.”

Eden was ready to protest but knew they were right. Her stamina, while typically high, was draining quicker than usual. 

“Let’s get you into a better position, Princess,” he murmured seductively.

Johnny motioned for Jaehyun to cease his movements. The younger male frowned for just a moment, slowing his tempo to a halt. With care, he slid out of Eden, cock still erect. 

“Ass up, Princess,” Johnny ordered softly.

Eden’s body shivered with his new orders. He knew she loved this position. It was enjoyable for the three of them–and much more comfortable if she gave one oral. She got on her hands and knees, still on top of the massage table, and Jaehyun hit a button on the side that brought the table down a few centimeters. At this angle, Johnny could have more balance, even if he was taller than Jaehyun. 

They switched places, Johnny getting behind Eden as Jae got in front of her. Eden smirked up at Jae, cupping his balls in her hand and squeezing them as she massaged them. He hissed, watching her with a narrow gaze. Jaw clenched and still sensitive, he knew it was only a matter of time before he’d lose it. Johnny ran his hand up and down her backside, tracing her curves as he bit his lip. It was a sight to behold before him. 

“Can’t wait to fuck you, Princess,” he moaned. 

Jaehyun stroked her cheek. “You alright, baby? Color?”

“Green,” she answered.

Johnny’s hip snapped forward, filling her to the brim. Eden’s eyes rolled back as she matched his rhythm. Johnny kept his eyes glued to her ass as it smacked against his stomach. Her name slipped past his lips while fucking her doggy style.

“Oh shit. Princess…so tight for me still…fuck.”

Eden turned to Jae; not wanting him to be neglected; she curled her finger, beckoning him closer, her hand wrapping around his length. She suckled on the head. Jaehyun tasted slightly sweeter than Johnny. Not that she had a preference, but she secretly loved his reaction to her blowjob a teeny bit more. She twirled her tongue around the shaft. He loved it when she was sloppy as she slurped around him, bobbing her head. Jaehyun’s hands went into her hair, guiding her mouth as his hips moved.

Johnny gritted his teeth and brought his hand down on her ass cheek, smacking them hard. Eden muffled out a moan. Her walls quivered around his cock, and she was close. 

They all were. Heavy, heady breathing filled the air as the young lovers’ orgasms rose. It was as if static filled the air. Everything became so messy; each caught up in their pleasure. Jaehyun tensed and gripped her hair tighter.

“I-I’m gonna fuck baby…just like that. That mouth…shit.”

Johnny growled as he felt his cock twitch. “Cum for us, Princess. Cover my dick with your juices.”

At their words, Eden let out a strangled cry; as her orgasm rippled through her body, making her body convulse, Jaehyun’s seed spurt into her mouth as she guzzled it down. Johnny came not too after, rutting against her ass as he spilled into her cunt, fisting his cock and letting it drip onto her ass and the massage table.

The trio collapsed onto each other on the table, energy spent. Eden was the first to move, motioning for the men to help her up. She rested her head on Jae’s chest as Johnny walked into the bathroom.

He stroked her hair with a smile. “How are you doing, baby?”

“I feel fine,” she said with a sleepy grin.

He kissed her forehead returning her smile. “Good.”

Johnny reentered with a few warm washcloths, and the two men set to work wiping Eden down. Johnny helped her tie her hair as Jaehyun grabbed a pair of pajama shorts and shirt and helped her dress. They led her to the bed and got her in under the comforter. 

“Be right back.”

They went to clean themselves up and came back, both dressed in pajama pants. They crawled on each side of Eden as she snuggled up to the two of them. 

“Thank you both,” she said, opening her eyes. “I don’t say it enough, but I do appreciate all that you do for me. Love you two dorks.”

Johnny cracked a smile and kissed her cheek. “We only want to see you smile, Eden.”

Jaehyun nodded in agreement, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. “Always.”

[highsviolets]

INTERVIEW NO. 1: RACHEL @djarinsbeskar

hello hello! i am so happy to announce that rachel — aka the immense talent that is @djarinsbeskar — has agreed to be my first interviewee for this new series! thank you to rach and to each one of you for all of your support. to read more about the project, click here, and to submit an author, click here.

| why rachel? |

Rachel captured my imagination from the first time we interacted as mutuals-in-law. She’s bursting with energy and vivaciousness, with a current of kindness just underneath everything she does. Her work is no exception. Oftentimes gritty, raw, and exposing (in … ahem…more ways than one), Rachel challenges her readers to dig deeper into both the story and themselves. Her smut brings a particular fire as it’s laced with need, desire, and mutual trust that leads us deeper into the characters’ identities and how physical affection can mimic other forms of intimacy. She’s a tour de force in this fandom and an absolute joy.

| known for |

Engaging with and encouraging other authors, cultivating inspo posts, attention to world building & character development

| my favorites |

Stitches

Boxer!Din

Full Masterlist • Ko-Fi

| q & a |

When did you start writing? What was that project, and what was it like? Has that feeling or process ever changed over time? Why?

I can’t remember a time I wasn’t writing. I was an avid reader, as I think most writers are—and I remember, after picking up Lord of the Rings—that I could live so many lives, experience so many things, all from the pages of a book. I could make sense of the world through words and ink and paper. And it offered me a level of peace and clarity I wanted to share with others. So, I started writing.

My first project I remember to this day, was a short story about a dog. I had been so heartbroken when I learned that dogs were colourblind. I must have been about seven or eight at the time, and I was fixated on this idea that dogs couldn’t see the vibrant hues that made the world beautiful. It was something I wanted to change—and with all the righteous anger of a child not getting their own way, I sulked over the fact that I couldn’t. Until I wrote it down.

“How do dogs see colour?”

And much like my writing today, I answered myself.

“Dogs don’t need to see colour. Dogs smell colour.”

And so, I wrote a story, about a puppy being brought on different walks by its owner. And with every new street it walked down—colour bloomed with scent. Colours more beautiful and vibrant than we could ever hope to see with our eyes. And it gave me solace and helped me work through an emotion that – granted was immature and inconsequential – had affected me. To this day, I still smile seeing dogs sniffing at everything they pass on their walks. Smelling colour. It gave me the key to my favourite thing in life. I don’t think my process has changed much since then. Much of what I write is based on a skeleton plan, but I leave room for characters to speak and feel as they need to. I like to know the starting point and destination of a chapter—but how they get there, that still falls to instinct. I think I’ve found a happy medium of strict planning and winging it that suits me now—and hopefully it will continue to improve over time!

When did you start posting your writing, and on what platform? What gave you the push to do that?

I mean, fanfiction has always been part of my life. I think anyone who was growing up in the late 2000’s and early 2010’s found their way to fanfiction.net at some time or other. The wild west compared to what we have now! My first post was for the Lord of the Rings fandom on fanfiction.net. It was an anthology of the story told through the eyes of the steeds. Bill the Pony, Shadowfax—it was all very innocent. That was probably in 2010 when I was fifteen. I had been wanting to share writing for a long time but was worried about how it would be received. I didn’t really have a gauge on my level or my creativity and – one of the many flaws of someone with crippling perfectionism – I only ever wanted to provide perfection. That was a major inhibitor when I was younger. By wanting it to be perfect, I never posted anything. Until that stupidly cute LOTR fic. It was freeing to write something that no one but me had any interest in, because if I was writing for myself then there was no one to disappoint, right? And that was all it took. I had some pauses over the years between college and life and such, but I’ve never lost that mindset when it comes to posting.

What your favorite work of yours that you have ever written? Why is it your favorite? What is more important to you when considering your own stories for your own enjoyment — characters? fandom? spice? emotional development? the work you’ve put into it? Is that different than what you enjoy reading most in other people’s fics?

I don’t think it’ll come as much of a surprise when I say Stitches. While not original, I mean—it follows the plot of the Mandalorian quite diligently, it is the piece of work I really hold very close to my heart. Din Djarin as a character is what got me back into writing after what must have been five years? He inspired something. His manner, his personality—he resonated with me as a person in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. And gave me back a creative outlet I had been missing.

It’s funny to say out loud—but I wanted to give him something? I spent so long thinking about his character that half my brain felt like it belonged to him—how he reacted and responded to things etc. and of course, like every dreamy Pisces—I wanted to give him love and happiness. So, Stitches came along. Personally, when writing—it’s a combination of characters, emotional development and spice (I can’t help myself) and when we can follow that development. With Stitches, it’s definitely the spice that is the conduit for development—but I adore showing how the physical can help people who struggle to communicate emotions too complex for words.

I don’t usually read for Din, as most people know—but I do enjoy reading the type of work that Stitches is. Human, damaged—but still with an undercurrent of hope that makes me think of children’s books.

You said, “much like writing today, I answered myself.” Could you talk about that in relation to Stitches?

So, I’m endlessly curious, it has to be said. Especially about why people are the way they are. Why people do A instead of B. Why X person’s immediate thought went to this place instead of that place. And I’m rarely satisfied with superficial explanations. One of the most exciting parts of writing and fanfiction especially, is making sense of that why. There can be countless explanations, some that are content with what is seen on the surface and some that go deep and some that go even deeper still.

Stitches is almost a – very long winded and much too long – answer to the questions I was so intrigued by about Din Djarin, about the Mandalorian and about the Star Wars universe as a whole. I often wondered what happened to people after the Rebellion, the normal people who fought—the people in the background. What did they do next? Did some of them suffer from PTSD? What was the galaxy like right after the Empire fell? That first season of the Mandalorian answered some of those questions, but I wanted to know more. So, I created a reader insert who was a combat medic—and through her, I let myself answer the questions of what happened next.

Regarding Din as a character, I wanted to know what a bounty hunter with a code of honour would do in certain situations—what made him tick, what made hm vulnerable. I wanted to explore the discovery of his identity. Din Djarin didn’t exist after he was taken from Aq Vetina. He became a cog in a very efficient machine of Mandalorians—and it was safe there. I wanted to see what – or who – might encourage him to step into his own. Grogu was that person in a familial sense, but what about romantically? What about individually? There’s so much to explore with this man! So many facets of personality and nuances of character that make him so gorgeous to write and think about.

Talk to me about the Din Djarin Athletic Universe. How does Din as all of these forms of athlete play off who you see him as in canon?

The Athletic Universe! How I adore my athletes. Despite being in a modern setting, I have kept the core of Din’s character in each of them (at least I hope I have!). I like to divide Din’s character into three phases when it comes to canon because he’s not as immovable as people seem to think he is. We discussed this before, how I see Din as a water element—adaptable, but strong enough that he can be as steadfast as rock. But I digress, the first phase is the character we see in the first episode. Basically, before Grogu. There’s an aggressive brutality to Din when we see him bounty hunting. He works on autopilot and isn’t swayed by sob stories or promises. He has the covert but is ultimately separate. Those soft feelings he comes to recognise when he has Grogu are dormant – not non-existent – but they haven’t been nurtured or encouraged. This is the point I extracted Boxer!Din’s personality and story from.

Cyclist!Din on the other hand—is already a father, a biological father to Grogu. And his personality, I took from that moment in the finale of Season two where I believe Din’s transformative arc of character solidified. He was always a father to Grogu, but I do believe that moment where he removes his helmet is the moment, he accepts that role fully in his heart and mind. And that is why I don’t believe for a second, that removing his helmet was him breaking his Creed. In fact, I believe it was the purest act he could do in devotion to his Creed—to his foundling, to his son. The Cyclist!AU is very much the character I see canon Din having should Grogu have stayed with him. This single dad who isn’t quite sure how he got to where he is now—but does anything and everything for his child without thought. It’s a natural instinct for him, and I like exploring those possibilities with Cyclist!Din.

You also said, “he has the covert but is ultimately separate.” What does it take for him — and you — to get to that point of being ‘not separate?’

I mentioned this above, but one of the biggest interests I have in Din as a character is his identity. He’s a Mandalorian, he’s a bounty hunter, he’s the child’s guardian but those are all what he is, not who. I think Din is separate while being part of the covert because he doesn’t know. I don’t think anyone can really be part of something if they don’t know who they are or, they struggle with their identity. It’s curious to me—how you can deceive even yourself to mimic the standard set for the many. In the boxer verse, he identifies himself in relation to his boxing—and every part of his outward personality exhibits those qualities. But when he’s given a softer touch—an outlet of affection, and comfort—we see the softer side of him surface. It’s very much the same with Stitches Din. Identity is like anything, emotions—relationships, bodies. It needs nurturing to thrive, an open door—a safe space. At least, that’s what goes through my mind when I think of him.

Who is your favorite character to read?

Frankie because there are so many ways his character can be interpreted and there are some stellar versions of him that I think of at least once a day. Javi because he reminds me of kintsugi-- golden recovery, broken pottery where the cracks are highlighted with gold. I also adore reading for Boba Fett, Paz Viszla and the clones!

Is there anything else you want your readers to know about you, your writing, or your creative process?

Hmm... only that I am quite literally a gremlin clown who is always here to chat Din, Star Wars, literature, book recs and anything else under the sun! I like to hear people's stories, their opinions etc. it helps me see things from alternative points of view and can truly help the writing process! Other than that, I think I can only thank readers for putting up with my ridiculously long chapters and rambling introspection. Thank you for indulging me always! ❤️

[flurrys-creativity]

Ateez Yunho Masterlist

banner made by @daemour

Smiley Catalogue:

🥰 = Fluff 😁 = Slice of life 🤪 = Humour 🧜‍♀️ = Fantasy

❤ = Romance ⚡ = Angst 💣 = Sensitive themes (death, etc.)

🦄 = Hybrid 🥵 = Smut 😏 = Suggestive

Last update: May 2024

Series:

nothing so far

One shots: 

Resistentialism 🧜‍♀️❤🥰😁🤪

Part of the unbeleafable bingo. Things are always somehow misplaced or just vanish. Yunho doesn’t know he is the victim of a bunch of fairies that use your home as a hideout.  And he definitely doesn’t know you are half fairy, enjoying the teasing more than you should.

Matching 😁🥰🤪❤

Part of the Winter Hearts event. During a holiday party the host announced an interesting game to their guests. Everyone had to pull out sweaters of a bag, searching for the matching other. To your surprise your long time crush pulls out the sweater that matches yours and of course your friends had to tease you about it.

Yuanfen 😁🥰⚡🥵

Part of the Intimacy Anthology Project. As a professional ballroom dancer you shouldn’t have fallen in love with your partner but it happened and you regretted every second of it. Once a dance partner, always a dance partner - even after a break-up. So now you had to dance with your ex while preparing for the next competition.

Nipan ⚡💣🧜‍♀️

Part of the Year of the Villain Collab. As Yunho's fate was being discussed by the council, you couldn't simply stand by. Not until he answered some desperate questions from you and hopefully helped you sorting your feelings towards your hero boyfriend San and him, the infamous villain of Utopia.

Street fighter ⚡🥰❤🥵

Yunho had more than enough running after Wooyoung and saving his petty little butt from illegal street fights. That was until you came to their rescue and Yunho just couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam 😁🥰❤

Part of the Pirateez Secret Admirer Event. Two professors, who couldn't be more different, fated to meet each other and slowly grow closer than they dared to hope for.

Miscellaneous:

Crazy, stupid perv (drabble) 😁😏🥵🥰

With a roommate as hot as Yunho, you weren’t surprised to fall for him eventually. Yet you still tried to ignore it, provoking some drastic measures from Yunho as he wanted you just as bad.

Black thorn (drabble) 🧜‍♀️🥰⚡

Part of the tipsy drabbles. After she - the queen - recently became a widow the royal council decided to throw a ball, hoping to find a new king for the land. Though nobody dared to approach her. Except for one young man.

Twilight (drabble) 💣⚡

In a post apocalyptic world small groups formed to ensure their survival. You stumble upon a member of one of them as you scavenge for resources in an abandoned shopping mall.

Suckday (drabble) 😁🥵❤

Part of the lemon week. Yunho rarely let you give him head due to your size differences but when you're able to convince him, it's the best time of the day.

Secretive (drabble) 😁🤪🥰

Yunho had a secret and he involved his son. Neither of them were able to lie well in order to hide it from you.

[milfgyuu]

REDMERCEDES [M] 18+ Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Fem!Reader Tags: 5.3k, AU, Strangers to Lovers, Humor, Fluff, Smut, BIG soft Joon, Lots of flirting, Bff!Jimin, Bff!Hobi, Written for The Intimacy Anthology Project. Summary: Two strangers out looking for a little excitement in their otherwise mundane lives fall into the thrill of trying something new and dangerous together. When things start to get hot and heavy there are a few...physical limitations that get in the way but they won’t let that dull the adrenaline rush.

Content Warnings: Explicit sexual content, dirty dancing, making out in public, car sex (m/f), fingering, riding, panty stealing, joon is in love, joon is very large, sweet talk, nothing crazy, there IS a plot, kind of. Alternatively, this is soft. 

“You’re staring at him again.”

You shook yourself out of your stupor to glare at your friend who sported an extremely smug smile and rolled your eyes at him, “I’m not staring, Jimin,” You huffed, “Mind your business.”

Jimin snatched the glass you were nursing from your hand and took a long exaggerated sip, “You are my business sweet cheeks.”

You attempted to reach for your glass again and scoffed when Jimin swatted your hands away, “You should go talk to him.”

“Oh, hell no,” You shook your head, “That guy is WAY out of my league.”

“Stop that,” He ordered, “You know damn well you could have any man or woman in this bar if you dared to step out of your comfort zone for once,” Jimin argued, spinning you around in your seat and tucking his head over your shoulder so you could follow his line of sight as he whispered to you, “He’s been alone at the bar since he got here.”

“Maybe he’s waiting for someone?” You reasoned, “He’s way too good looking to be single. He came with another guy who could be his boyfriend for all we know!”

Jimin pushed a finger against your jaw, turning your face toward the dance floor, “You mean the dude practically knocking people up on the dance floor?”

“Ok. So probably not his boyfriend,” You conceded, “But that doesn’t!-”

You abruptly stop speaking when he squeezes your cheeks together with one hand, puckering your lips out like a fish.

“Shhhh, shut up. Shut your pretty little mouth,” He ordered, spinning you back around to where the handsome man was seated, still nursing the same drink and looking incredibly uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people.

“Look at him,” Jimin commanded, refusing to release your cheeks, “He’s perfect. He’s tall as hell, golden tan, big hands, perfect lips; Tell me he isn’t your dream man.”

Jimin held you still physically but the stranger across the bar was the one who held you captive without even knowing it. You took a minute to study him and Jimin was absolutely correct. He was totally your dream man, unattainable.

The man in question must have felt your stare because he suddenly locked eyes with you and you panicked. “Oh shit,” Jimin released you as you smacked him rapidly, both of you turning to face the bar, entirely embarrassed at having been caught staring.  

“Shit, do you think he’s still looking?” You whispered yelled, your nails digging into Jimin’s thigh painfully.

“Retract your fucking claws woman!” Jimin growled and you apologized quickly, rubbing the spot you had latched onto which only made Jimin grumble in frustration, “That’s even worse!”

You froze, ripping your hand away from his thigh, and threw them up in exasperation, “Can you not!?” You covered your face, completely mortified by the events of the last few minutes.

“Listen, you may be my best friend but I am not immune to a woman’s touch,” He grunted and shuffled in his seat, “Keep your hands to yourself if you don’t want another close call.”

Close call. That’s a pretty good term for it. A month or so back you had a little heart to heart with Jimin about your current state of affairs. You both got a little drunk and you ended up in Jimin’s lap, grinding against one another with his hands gripping your ass and your tongue down his throat.

Even drunk, you knew that was a line neither of you wanted to cross. You were best friends and you would keep it that way. That didn’t mean there wasn’t still a little lingering sexual tension in the air. All the more reason you let Jimin help you find your perfect partner so you had someone else to fulfill those needs.

“Not to uhh, make things worse,” Jimin chuckles nervously, pulling your attention back to the present, “But tall, dark, and sexy is walking over.”

“He WHAT? Jimin, Jimin-no, wait! What if he’s a weirdo?!” You panicked as Jimin slipped through your fingers, blowing you a kiss as he moved back through the crowd and disappeared.

“Fucking traitor,” you huffed, downing the rest of your drink just before a large hand slid over the bar next to your glass.

You watched silently, taking in the silver rings decorating his fingers as he tapped the bar twice, signaling the bartender who came right over and you nearly swooned over the deep voice that came from the man, “Could I have a whiskey and coke and another one of whatever she’s drinking please.”

Your eyes widened as you finally looked up at the man and almost choked on air at the sight. You had already established that he was good looking but up close? Devastating.

He was huge and the way his shirt was hugging his firm chest made your lungs cramp painfully as you attempted to suck in oxygen. His sandy brown hair was long and swept back in some places, a few strands loose to frame his handsome face.  

“I hope I’m not being too forward with the drink thing,” He chuckles nervously as he looks down at you, “I have no idea how this whole ‘approaching pretty women in bars’ thing goes.”

Well, that was much less intimidating than you were expecting.

“Ah, no it’s fine, thank you,” you giggled, mentally smacking yourself for sounding like a schoolgirl. “I’m not used to being approached in bars, so I’m afraid I have no pointers,” You admitted.

“I find that hard to believe,” he smiled, prominent dimples appearing and making your face flush automatically.

Your reaction boosted his confidence and he stuck his large hand out toward you, “I’m Namjoon,” He said gripping your much smaller hand in his own when you offered it.

“____,” you smiled, “Wanna have a seat? It’s been abandoned,” you gestured to Jimin’s seat with a chuckle. You knew he wouldn’t come back unless you needed him.

“Sure, thanks,” he said, moving around to your opposite side and sitting on the small stool. Even sitting he towered over you and you had to admit the height difference was a major turn on.

“Sorry for uh, ogling you from across the bar,” you murmured into your drink and Namjoon laughed aloud.

“That’s okay, I was doing the same thing. I thought you and your friend were together though,” He told you before quirking a brow, “Uh, you guys aren’t together right?”

“Jimin?!” You nearly spit out your drink, “Definitely not. That would be my very single, very pushy best friend. He forced me into this dress so he could drag me out here to look for…” You stopped yourself short realizing how you were implicating yourself.

Jimin’s full intention of taking you out tonight was finding you the perfect man. One that you argued did not exist in a nightclub, not for you at least. He insisted that it was exactly what you needed in your life to make things fun and exciting again.

Namjoon picked up his drink and took a long sip, “If it makes you feel better,” He leaned in like he was telling you a secret, “You and me both.”

He laughed and then directed your line of sight to his friend, still dancing, “That’s Hobi, he’s been on my ass for weeks to get out of the house and meet someone.”

He looks back down at you with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes that makes you cross your legs and down half of your drink at the same time.

“So what do you do, Namjoon?”

“I work in accounting,” He grimaces as if it’s something he doesn’t particularly like sharing.

“What’s wrong with that?” You asked with your brows furrowed, a small laugh bubbling up.

“Not exactly the sexiest profession,” He laughs, sweeping a hand through his hair, “I spend all day in an office, crunching numbers and having long, exasperating phone calls with clients who have way more money than they know what to do with.”

“Do you wear a suit similar to this while you do it?” You commented, flicking a finger up and down his form with a smirk.

“With a few more buttons clasped and a pair of thick glasses,” He chuckles, “Yes, I do.”

“Sounds pretty sexy to me,” You tip your head at him and raise your glass, a salute to your sentiment.

Namjoon smiles up at the ceiling, trying his best to hide the uncontrollable grin on his face and you openly stare at the column of his throat. Your eyes traced a path from the tip of his raised chin down to where his golden chest was exposed. He was remarkable and you wanted to know more.

“Namjoon, I hope you don’t take offense,” You start with a light blush dusting your cheekbones, “But you’ve kind of got a sexy Clark Kent vibe going on.”

Namjoon brings you back into focus, tilting his head with ever-growing confidence, “And what do you do for a living, ____? Other than cracking jokes,” He adds.

You laughed and brushed your hair back over your shoulder, catching the way Namjoon’s eyes roved over your smooth skin, “I was being serious,” You corrected with a smirk, “I’m in graphic design. Spend a whole lot of time glued to a computer screen and I work from home so I may be even more of a hermit than you are.”

“Do you wear a dress like that while you do it?” Namjoon counters, cocking his brow playfully.

You cover your mouth politely as laughter takes over and Namjoon relishes in the sound he’s pulled from you. “Even better,” You manage through the giggling, leaning closer and lowering your voice, “Yoga pants and an oversized hoodie,” You wink and he bites his lip to hold back.

“Even sexier,” He says in that same deep voice that makes you want to reach out and touch him.

The way he watches you makes you brave. It makes you want to be bold and go after what you want for the first time in a long time. For too long you had fallen into the same mundane routine and you wanted to chase the feeling of excitement as far as it would take you. The look in Namjoon’s eye told you he was ready to do the same.

“Would you like to dance with me?” You asked suddenly and Namjoon froze for a minute, nodding his head and uttering a quiet, ‘Yes’.

Namjoon reached for your hand and you let him have it, allowing him to lead you out onto the dance floor, people parting naturally for his large frame to get through. As you began moving to the music you realized that your dress was tight, really tight. The hem steadily rose up your thighs as you danced but before you could arrange it, Namjoon boldly reached for you and tugged you against his chest, his large hands low on your hips.

The music, the lights, the way his hands squeezed and caressed your hips as you danced with him; It was all too intoxicating.

Is this what you’ve been missing? Locked up in your house either working or devouring content on the internet while you could have been being held like this. Like out of every person in this room, you’re the only one someone wants. You had forgotten what it was to feel the burning desire course through veins, filling you with fire and passion.

You let your eyes meet his own and your breath caught in your throat at the way his had darkened. It took less than a millisecond for him to press closer before his lips met yours softly. It was such an exquisite feeling to be standing in the middle of a bar, kissing a man you just met, and not giving one single care about the potential fall out.

He kissed you in time with the music, your bodies swaying naturally but beginning to fall out of sync as you lose focus on the sounds, zeroing in on the feeling of his plump lips pressing against yours insistently.

Namjoon was riding the high too. He hadn’t felt such a rush in what seemed like years. Always stuck at work, always following the rules, same thing day in and day out, he was sick of it. He wanted adventure, passion- He wanted you.

His hands smoothed over your body and you could feel your temperature rising with every stroke. There was not even a second of hesitation when he broke away from you, forehead pressed against your own, and he whispered, “Would you maybe want to um...” He paused, taking a deep breath to steady his already frazzled nerves before looking you in the eyes, “Do you want to get out of here?”

You pulled back and looked at him, really looked at him. You briefly entertained the idea that this was all some ploy. The stunning, towering man just suddenly appears before you in a bar, claiming to be there for all the same reasons, it all seems a little convenient, but your gut feeling says he’s not just another bar prowler looking for lonely women to prey on.

You can feel his excitement and the way he reels it in like he doesn’t want to get his hopes up but boy is he really hoping you’ll do something a little crazy with him.

“I would love to,” You smile up at him, tipping forward in your heels to place another lingering kiss against his lips. He’s not as responsive this time since he is too busy gawking because he hadn’t actually expected you to accept.

You placed your hand in his and pulled him over to Jimin who just so happened to be dancing next to Namjoon’s friend, the two of them quickly gathering a flock of people just hoping to get close enough to intrigue one of them.

“Jimin,” You called over the music and he quickly spun around toward your voice, a Cheshire smile upon his lips seeing your hand in Namjoon’s. The girl he was dancing with shot you a nasty look as if she hadn’t noticed your own hands were full, literally.

You decided to rub it in by grabbing Jimin with your free hand and pulling him close so you could speak to him and he instinctively wrapped his arm around your waist.

“First of all, she sucks,” You whispered to Jimin and he laughed so hard Namjoon could probably feel the vibration through your joined hands.

“She doesn’t like sharing,” Jimin faux whispered to Namjoon who chuckled at your side, squeezing your hand in a way that made you swoon a little.

“We’re going to head out if you’ll be okay,” You tell him and he raises his brows, looking the two of you up and down, with glee.

“Please do! Goodbye! I’ve already replaced you anyway,” He pinches your hip and pushes you back toward Namjoon with a wink.

“Replaced me with who?!” You shout at him playfully, tucking back against Namjoon’s chest as he releases your hand and wraps both arms around your waist in the most familiar way it makes your legs wobble in your heels.

“Me!” Comes another voice to your left and you laugh watching Hobi high five Jimin as if they’ve been best friends for years and not strangers less than an hour ago.

“Joonie,” Hobi, faux whispers just like Jimin had earlier. Loud and proud.

“She’s hot!” He offers a dramatic double thumbs up and you instantly decide you like Namjoon’s friend.

“Anyways,” Namjoon all but bellows, “We’ll see you guys later,” He says, walking you back toward the entrance as you flutter your fingers in goodbye to the pair.

“Hey! Return her in one piece!” Jimin shouts as you start to lose sight of him and you can distinctly hear Hobi follow it up with, “Please keep him!”

Once you’re finally free from the crowd, Namjoon looks down at you with a nervous smile, “You okay if I drive?” He asks, pulling the keys from his pockets and you nod in agreeance.

You walk hand in hand to the parking lot and you’re pleasantly surprised to stop in front of a sleek, sporty, red Mercedes. You didn’t even stop to think before you blurted out, “You fit in this?”

Namjoon laughs so loudly, so deeply and you turn bright red when he opens the door for you to slip into the leather seat. “I make it work, baby.”

The glossy, all-black interior of the car is stunning and you can’t help but run your fingers along the smooth dashboard. Not a speck of dust or debris. This car is obviously very well cared for and for the lack of a better adjective, very sexy.

Namjoon opens his door and slides in next to you, his long legs miraculously extended with ease. He presses a button and the car roars to life but before anything else he leans across the console and reaches for your cheek, pulling you close enough to kiss you again.

You’re so distracted by the way he slips his tongue into your mouth on a sigh that you don’t notice the hand reaching over your shoulder until your startled by a loud click. You pull away to locate the sound to find that he’s just made a show out of simply buckling your seat belt but you’re all hot and bothered anyway.

“Very smooth,” You compliment him and he chuckles again, his dimples on display once more.

“That’s not something I hear very often, to be honest,” He grins, putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot, “I’m kind of big and clumsy.”

You leaned back against the headrest, your finger making light patterns on the soft leather of the center console, “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit,” You admit softly, your head tilted away from him to hide the blush on your cheeks, “I happen to think you’re incredibly sexy, even if you are big and clumsy. Those two things are kind of a selling point for me.”

Namjoon felt like a teenager with a crush and he couldn’t help but shake his head, his grin impossibly wide. “You are not what I was expecting to find tonight.”

“Oh?” You look over at him with your brow cocked in mock defense, “And what were you thinking you would be getting?”

“Honestly? In a bar?” He returned your look and you nodded, “I was expecting a shit conversationalist whose only goal was getting free booze and getting laid.”

You snorted inelegantly and Namjoon laughed at your response. “So I’m a good conversationalist?” You teased him, your finger landing on his hand gripping the gear shift, tracing circles into his skin.

“Fantastic,” He murmured with a light smile.

“What if I told you...” Your voice drops to a near whisper, “That I wanted you, right now?” You smirked, your eyes never leaving his hand, “Would you think less of me?”

Namjoon’s smile disappeared, “ I would pull this car over, right now.”

The tone of his voice throttled you. His already deep timbre dipped even lower and you felt it in your core, your thighs naturally rubbing together due to the tingling sensation now present. “I saw that,” He said, pointing out that you were not in fact subtle at all.

“Namjoon,” You dared to whisper, your eyes focused dead ahead in an effort to keep up your bravado, “Pull the car over.”

It was as if the universe was playing into the events of this evening because suddenly a there is a quiet rest area coming up on your right and Namjoon flips his blinker on and takes the exit, quickly finding a parking spot in the darkest corner of the lot and cutting the engine.

There is silence for only a moment before you let out a little nervous giggle on impulse, “Holy shit I didn’t think you were actually going to stop.”

Namjoon looks briefly panicked but you reach for his hand before he can totally lose his confidence, “Will you kiss me again?”

The crease in Namjoon’s brown eases at your gentle words and removes his seat belt before sliding down in the seat to get comfortable. “Come here, baby,” He says, his hands upraised to help you into his lap with your legs dangling over the center console and into the passenger seat.

You wrap one arm securely around his neck, the other braced against his chest, and he pecks your lips lightly. Over and over he offers only teasing kisses as his fingers massage your lower back and hip where his large hands are splayed. Only when you shift in his lap does he deepen the kiss, finding and matching the pace you craved with ease.

The hand on your hip moves further down your thigh and he sighs into your mouth as his fingers graze bare skin, driving you absolutely wild. Your back arches automatically when those same fingers brush against the inside of your thighs, skimming closer to the hem of your dress on each pass.

“Can I touch you please?” He asks between breathy kisses and you nod your head faster than you would like to admit. The thrill of doing something so wild and spontaneous leaving you lightheaded. Along with the way his tongue swipes across your bottom lip.

Namjoon slips his tongue into your open mouth when you let out a gasp as his hands slip under your dress, his thumb brushing over the satin panties you’re silently thanking Jimin for suggesting, ‘just in case’.

You let your head fall back against the window and Namjoon started trailing his kisses down the column of your throat and over your bare shoulder. His grip around your waist tightened unexpectedly and you squeaked a little too loud as he used his one arm to lift you up while the other tugged your panties down, your bare ass falling back into his lap.

“These are cute,” He chuckled darkly, toying with the soft blue material as he slowly pulled them down your legs and over your heels with one hand before leaning over to open the glove box, tossing your panties inside and shutting it.

“Mind if I keep em’?” He smirked at your awe-stricken look, gliding the very tips of his fingers back up the middle of your legs, not stopping until their between the apex of your thighs once more.

“Only if you buy me a new pair,” You respond boldly and he quirks a brow.

“Deal,” He says before his lips are back on yours and his fingers are brushing against your folds. You jump suddenly when the cold metal of his rings touches your warm center, the shock causing you to mewl into his mouth.

Your body stiffens as he presses a finger into you, relaxing after a moment of adjustment and allowing him to move, stroking your walls like an expert. His lips part from yours and you let your foreheads rest upon one another’s, eyes closed as your breaths come in quick pants.

You let your head fall back against the window when he adds another finger and plays with your clit, rubbing circles into the tender bundle of nerves. Namjoon is silent as he works his magic on you, his eyes heavily lidded as he’s gaze bounces between your face and his hand moving beneath your dress.

It only takes a minute or two before your trembling, your orgasm drawn out by long strokes, and Namjoon groans when you grind down onto his lap. With a finally heave you slump against the door and Namjoon licks his fingers clean before rubbing them over your skin soothingly.

“Would it be rude of me to ask if I could fuck you in the backseat of my car?” Namjoon laughs and your cheeks burn hot as if he hadn’t just made you come undone seconds ago, “I just- We can go home...it just sounds…”

“Exciting?” You finish for him with a small smirk and he nods his head, “I’m down if you are.”

Namjoon’s slow nod becomes comically faster and he helps you climb off of his lap and back in his passenger seat before he immediately turns to climb through the tiny car to get to the back seat.

You throw your hand over your mouth to stifle the hysterical laughter that attempts to break free because Namjoon gets stuck with only his shoulders through the narrow gap, unable to even push his broad chest through. You’re not even sure why he thought it would be even remotely possible to climb back there.

“Namjoon,” You nearly wheeze, giggles pouring from your mouth, “Use the door, you giant dork!”

It takes him a second but he finally pulls himself free and plops back down with a huff. His hair is a bit unkempt and his shirt a little wrinkled but the bashful smile upon his lips makes you swoon and you lean over the console again to taste them. It takes him less than a second to decide it was time to move to the back seat and he’s out the door before you can blink.

You move to open your door but he’s already there, holding it open like a proper gentleman who isn’t about to ruin you in the backseat of his spotless Mercedes. You give him your hand and he helps you out before opening the back door for you to slide across the leather seats and he takes one quick look around before following behind you.

Namjoon narrowly avoids hitting his head on the way in before shutting the door and realizing he can’t move. His legs are much too long for the back seat and you hurry to climb over him to reach around and move the seat forward, nearly dislocating your shoulder blade as you do so. Your only saving grace is Namjoon’s large hands gripping your hips from behind, giving you some semblance of stability and heat stroke all at once.

“Thank you,” He sighs when you plop back down, huffing and blowing your hair out of your face and it’s his turn to laugh.

“We did not think this through at all,” He chuckles and you’re inclined to agree.

“Kind of hard to think straight with you around if I’m being honest,” You blush, giggling into your palm at the whole situation.

“I mean we could just go back to my place..” Namjoon trails off, looking away from you for a moment, “But...it was a lot of trouble to get back here.”

He‘s smirking and you can see his reflection in the glass. “I’m still down if you are,” You spit out and Namjoon turns to you with both surprise and satisfaction.

“Come here,” He opens his palms and beckons you toward his lap.

It takes some careful maneuvering but you find yourself straddling him, your head mere centimeters from the ceiling thanks to his thick thighs. He is so handsome with the moonlight caressing his features and he looks up at you with equal attention. He’s the first to close the distance, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth and nibbling it playfully.

You grind your naked core into his lap, the fabric covering his solid member rubs you in a way that really tests your patience. “Joon,” You pant between increasingly frantic kissing.

“Yeah, baby?” He answers, lips firmly attached to your throat as his hands slide up and down your sides.

“I want you,” You expel on a moan, your hands winding into his hair.

“You have me, baby,” Namjoon answers distractedly, not quite paying attention to the words being exchanged. Far too busy sucking little hickies into the tops of your breasts.

You use the grip in his hair to pull him away from you so he is actually listening to you this time. “Namjoon,” You say firmly and his eyes meet yours, “I want you to take your alarmingly large cock out and fill me with it.”

Namjoon’s eyes are blown wide and he frantically nods, shaking your grip loose but when he slides his hands beneath your thighs to lift you up enough to get his pants down, you smack your head on the ceiling of the car, wincing at tenderness.

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry!” He panics, grabbing your face in both hands and kissing your forehead repeatedly. You reassure him that everything is fine though you do sneak a hand up to rub at the top of your skull.

After some fumbling and the start of a thin coat of sweat forming over your bodies, you manage to finally seat yourself on his sheathed cock and the stretch is absolutely phenomenal. You sink slowly into his lap, breathing through your nose in an attempt to assuage the burning sensation. Namjoon kisses your throat, your shoulders, your lips, your face. Anywhere he can reach to distract you.

Your motions are awkward at first, stunted. You had to keep your head bent at a funny angle because every time Namjoon thrust into you from below, he threatened to eject you from the vehicle, straight through the roof. The effort to keep low certainly had its advantages though because you stay pretty well seated in his lap causing his cock to remain buried deep inside you and with every thrust you were pushed closer to toppling over the edge once more.

The car began getting a little stuffy as you both panted into the enclosed space, both so close to your ends, and part of you was hoping it would come sooner rather than later. You were eager to stretch your damn legs and you knew Namjoon felt the same. You latched your lips just below his jaw and he groaned deeply, the sound alone causing you to clench around him.

“Oh my god,” You choke out when he manages to get his thumb between your bodies to rub at your clit and the orgasm that crashes over you is almost instantaneous. You writing and moaning pull him over the edge with you and he comes hard, spilling into the condom and warming your insides.

“That was…” You pant out, your forehead resting against Namjoon’s as you both try to regain your breath, “Incredible but so much harder than I imagined it to be.”

Namjoon chuckles, his head tipping back against the headrest as his body is wracked with laughter. “I should get a bigger car.”

“No, you should take me home so we can do it again,” You laugh, and Namjoon smirks at you, swatting your bare thigh, “Hopefully your bed is appropriately sized.”

“Mhm,” He mumbles, his lips sweeping over each of your cheeks, “So is the shower. Wanna stay the night?” He asks, looking at you hopefully.

“That depends,” You say and Namjoon eyes your curiously with an adorable tilt of his head, “We’d have to untangle ourselves and get back up to the front seat first.”

“Baby,” He answers with a bright smile, “I’ve had a cramp in my fucking calf since I tried to climb back here. Nothing is going to stop me from getting you back home so I can have you again.”

“And again?” You tease even though your eyes are half closed, chest still heaving.

Namjoon’s eyes light up and his smile is something you never want to miss, “Wanna stay forever?”

BTS M.List | Main M.List

*This story is re-posted from my previous blog, Jinyoungsir.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms WITHOUT PERMISSION! All stories are copyrighted, Bubblebeom, 2020. ©️

[maliby]

Taste of Little | pjm (M)

↬ Pairing: Jimin x Fem Reader ↬ Story Genre: fluff with a spread of smut ↬ Warnings: explicit language, explicit sex scene, mentions of cheating, body insecurities ↬ Word count: 4.2K ↬ Summary: It was yours and your boyfriend Jimin’s first anniversary, aka the night you were finally going to have sex. Every thing was going fine until he simply leaves you high and dry; turns out Jimin is hiding a little secret that he’s too scared to tell you. Will your love for him be bigger than that?

                               For: The Intimacy Anthology Project

“Excuse me, are you Y/N?” A handsome stranger asked as he approached your table that was conveniently close to the exit so you could bolt if anything went wrong.

“Yes, I am, and you must be Jimin right?” You stated as you looked at the black hoody Jimin said he’d be wearing.

“Yes,” he smiled. His smile was so sweet and warm that you swore he could make a rockfall in love with him just with that smile alone.

“Nice to meet you, Jimin.”

“Nice to meet you too, Y/N.”

It’s been exactly one year today since you first met Jimin at the same cafe you were in right now - the ‘Aroma Mocha’. 

At first, when your friend and roommate Jenna had set you up to go on a blind date with him you didn’t really want to go. The reason was that you had sworn off guys ever since your last relationship ended with your ex choking on another man’s dick on your couch wearing your lingerie. So, when your friend came up with the suggestion of getting back out there you had shut her down immediately. It wasn’t until you lost some stupid bet over Jenna banging an idol that you were “obliged” to go on a date with her coworker Jimin (something that now made you thank your lucky stars every day).

“You’re late mister,” you pointed to your watch as your handsome boyfriend walked in in a rush.

“I’m so sorry baby,” he said before tenderly kissing your lips. “Happy anniversary,” the smile on his lips reminded you of the very first time he smiled at you, in this very cafe, and, the very first time he ever made your heart race.

“Happy anniversary.”

“Namjoon was attempting to cook dinner for Jin and he almost sliced his finger off so I had to take him to the hospital,” he took off his denim jacket as he sat opposite you. He then picked up the menu and looked through it, searching for something to order.

“I swear Namjoon needs a babysitter, doesn’t he know he’s not allowed near sharp objects without supervision?”

“He wanted to surprise his boyfriend but, if you want my opinion, Jin’s lucky he wasn’t able to finish that monstrosity of a meal.”

You chuckled. “Well, Namjoon isn’t the only person who prepared a surprise for their boyfriend,” you smirked, amused with his curious expression.

“Oh yeah? What did my beautiful girlfriend prepare for me?”

“Well, if I told you now it wouldn’t really be a surprise now would it?” You reached over the table and pressed a small kiss on his lips.

Jimin and you hadn’t had sex yet. At first, it didn’t really bother you much because you were not one to rush things and, since Jimin was a little bit shy, you wanted to respect him but now you were starting to second guess yourself. Your inner voice kept whispering you thoughts like: “he doesn’t find you physically attractive” or “he’s cheating on you with other people”, something you admit may come from the trauma of your past relationship. So, with your 1st anniversary coming up you thought that it was now or never. You decided to shoot for the stars and bought an expensive lingerie set in your favourite colour, that you were wearing at that moment.

After your cafe date, you had arranged a little picnic-style dinner at the beach, where you watched the summer sunset together. After that, you went back to your place - since Jenna was out of town and Jimin lived with Namjoon - excused yourself to the bathroom (where you were currently at) and got ready to put your ultimate plane of seduction in action.

You took off your dress so you were just in lingerie, brushed your teeth twice, put some deodorant (just in case) and exited the bathroom, ready to put on a show.

“Hey baby, I poured you a glass of-” the pair of glasses he was holding shattered on your wooden floor, its content spilling all over to the nearest carpet, “-wine.”

You smiled. This was exactly the reaction you wanted, a reaction so good that immediately made you forget about all your doubts and fears - he wanted you.

“You like it? It’s just for you,” you teased as you gave a little twirl so he could fully observe you.

“You look...fuck.”

His jaw was locked, and his eyes scanned you up and down as you slowly started to shorten the distance between the two of you. As soon as you reached him though, he did something completely unexpected.

“Jimin, what are you doing?” You followed him to the kitchen where he had run to pick up napkins.

“We need to clean this up before it ruins your floor, or you hurt yourself,” he rambled on as he went back to the place of the accident. It was almost like he was trying to avoid you.

“Jimin,” you slouched down and grabbed the hand that was picking up the broken pieces of glass, making him stand up again, “I don’t give a fuck about the glass. I just want to have you.”

You placed your hands on his chubby cheeks and softly kissed him. 

At first, it took him a while to relax and give in, but as soon as he started to kiss you back the intensity of the kiss immediately changed.

You guided him to your bedroom without ever breaking the kiss. While your hands were busy tugging at his brown locks his own were hoisting up your skirt so they could grab your ass.

“Take your shirt off,” you said after he threw you on the bed.

Your loins were on fire, they were burning for him, aching even. You had seen him shirtless before but this time you felt like you almost couldn’t control yourself. Your eyes examined his delicious chocolate abs and wondered what it would be like to kiss and lick them and to keep on going until you reached his cock.

You wanted to please him so badly, you wanted to hear him moan your name, you wanted to watch him come undone, you wanted to watch his facial features contort in pleasure because of you, you wanted it all. 

He got on top of you and you both started making out once again. 

“I want you so badly Jimin,” you said as you flipped your positions and got on top of him. He didn’t answer, but you could tell by the tiny moan that escaped his mouth and the way that he squeezed your thigh that he was excited.

First, you started to kiss his neck and then you made your way to his abs, running your tongue through the defined muscles. Your hands started working on the button of his jeans and you could feel him tense up. You thought it was probably just from the excitement or something, but as soon as your mouth started to descend towards his nether region he suddenly pushed you off and got up.

“Is everything alright?” You asked out of worry, being scared that you had crossed some sort of line for him.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I- I need to go,” he buttoned up his pants and put his shirt back on. 

“Jimin, did I do something wrong?” Suddenly, your whole world dropped and all your insecurities came flushing back in at once, tears starting to build up in your eyes.

“No, it’s just...fuck, I need to leave,” he turned away from you, put his shoes back on and left, leaving you a heartbroken mess on your bed.

“Honey I’m hoooome!” Your roommate Jenna yelled as she returned home from her week-long vacation in her hometown. 

Her loud voice woke you up, but it wasn’t like you were having a nice sound sleep; nightmares, as well as crippling thoughts of the man you loved cheating on you, had plagued you for the past week. 

“What are you still doing sleeping at noon and why aren’t you coming out to great your roomy?” You heard her enter your room but remained immobile under the cocoon your sheet provided.

“Get out of bed you lazy ass!” Jenna dragged the sheet that was hiding you all the way back and exposed you to the sunlight coming from your previously shut blinds.

“Jennaaaaaa,” you whined while trying to reach for the sheet, but she had pulled it way too far.

“Y/N, it stinks and you look like shit! What the fuck happened while I was away?”

“Nothing,” you lied.

“What did Jimin do?”

“How did you know?”

Sometimes you were amazed at how well Jenna knew you but that’s what 3 years of living together can do for you.

“Because I left you alone in the house on your anniversary with Jimin and instead of smelling like sex it smells like death,” she pointed out, matter-of-factly with her arms crossed over her chest.

You sighed, burying your face back on your pillow.

“Y/N, what happened?” Jenna sat on the bed right next to you and pet your unwashed hair in a comforting gesture.

“I think Jimin is cheating on me.”

“Jimin?” You hummed. “The Park Jimin?” You hummed once more. “Y/N, I don’t believe Jimin would ever do that to you. First, because he’s not the cheating type, and second, because he loves you, like a lot. Like, I get diabetes just by the sweet way in which he looks at you-”

“We’ve never had sex,” you interrupted her train of thought as you finally lifted up your head from your pillow to look at her.

“What? Never?”

“Nope,” you popped your last syllable to give emphasis.

“Okay but, that doesn’t really mean anything. You know Jimin can be a little shy at times. Maybe-”

“I thought that too,” you interrupted her once more, “and because of that, I decided that, on the night of our anniversary, I would be the one to initiate it. So, after a lovely time on our date I brought him back here, excused myself to the bathroom and came back out wearing a lingerie set so hot he dropped the fucking wine glass on the floor. You should have seen the way he was looking at me, he totally wanted it. Then, after a heated make-out session, he suddenly stops everything and leaves.”

“What? Oh no...and you guys haven’t spoken since?”

“No. He tried calling, but I ignored him.”

“Y/N…”

“I know what you’re going to say, that I need to be a grown-up and talk it through, but what if he’s going to tell me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if he tells me that he’s gonna leave me for another one? Or that maybe he’s into dudes now.”

“Jimin is not your stinking ex,” Jenna pointed out. She had never really liked your ex-boyfriend.

“I know, but still…”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough! You are gonna get up, take a shower, because you fucking stink, and then, after we have lunch, we’re going to Jimin’s soccer game with the guys and you’re gonna talk to him there, am I clear?!”

“Yes, mom…”

“Aish these kids…” you heard her say as you made your way to the bathroom.

When both you and Jenna arrived at the game, the second half had already started. There weren’t many people there - since it was purely an amateur game between friends - and since you didn’t want him to see you just yet, you and Jenna just stood behind a tree, enjoying the shade it provided.

Usually, your boyfriend was the best player, scoring numerous goals that led his team to victory, but today it looked like he wasn’t even there; he’d missed almost all of his passes, accidentally scored an own goal and almost got himself kicked out of the game. 

“I’ll be in the car waiting,” your friend told you as soon as the referee whistled to end the game, “take your time.”

“Thanks, Jenna.”

You gave her a small hug of gratitude and waited till everyone was in the locker room so you could wait outside for Jimin. What you weren’t expecting though, was to be able to listen to every little thing the boys were saying inside.

“What’s up with you today Jimin? If it wasn’t for Jungkook we could’ve had a way more embarrassing result than losing 3-2!” You recognized the voice of his roommate Namjoon - he clearly wasn’t happy.

“It’s nothing,” Jimin’s voice was so low that if he wasn’t right next to the window that was also next to you, you wouldn’t be able to hear his response.

“Did you finally have sex with Y/N?” A voice you recognized as his friend Hoseok asked, putting you in a state of hyperawareness. You could hear your heart beating in your ears, you could feel your blood pumping at a rapid pace and you could feel your hands shaking from the nerves. Whatever happened next, you would know the whole truth about you and Jimin. His answer would reveal everything. For sure if he was banging another girl his friends would know. Aren’t guys known for spilling out everything in the locker room?

His answer never came though.

“So that’s why you’re such a mess today. Did she react badly to the size of your dick and ran away?” Hoseok’s voice sounded again.

You were beyond shocked. Wherever you thought their conversation was going, you were clearly wrong. Never in a million years would you imagine that the reason Jimin acted the way he did was because of his insecurities.

“No...fuck. I-I was the one who ran away.”

“Shit man,” Hoseok answered, his voice getting closer to where you were standing, probably coming closer to comfort Jimin.

“Now she’s not answering my texts or calls, I’m scared I screwed it up forever,” he sighed.

“Jimin, just talk to her. Y/N loves you, I’m sure she’ll understand,” Namjoon reasoned.

“And what if she doesn’t want to be with me because I can’t please her like a normal guy?”

You turned around and left for the car, not being able to hear more.

Of all the times you had imagined the reasons why you hadn’t had sex yet, never once had crossed your mind that that reason was the size of his penis. Of all the times you felt insecure about yourself, never once had crossed your mind that the man you loved was the one feeling insecure. For all of that, you felt like a piece of shit; for pressuring him, for doubting him, for everything.

You wanted to tell him then and there that you loved him more than anything and that you didn’t care about the size of his penis, but most of all, you wanted to tell him that you were sorry for pressuring him.

That same night you wanted to surprise Jimin and apologize to him. So, after texting his roommate explaining everything that had happened that afternoon and asking if you could come by, he promptly told you that he’d gladly go on a date with his boyfriend to leave you two alone. Thus, when dinner time came and Namjoon left, you picked up a couple of pizzas, a bottle of wine, and went to Jimin’s place. 

You knocked on his door and at first, he didn’t answer, but after insisting once more he finally opened the door.

“Namjoon I swear I’m gonna nail the keys to your hands- Y/N.” The way in which Jimin was looking at you right now reminded you so much of a lost puppy that you just wanted to drop everything and hug him tight.

“I thought we should talk. I brought pizza and wine.” Jimin stood in front of you with his mouth agape, not saying anything. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” He stepped aside to let you through and you walked to the kitchen to place the pizzas and the wine on the table.

“Namjoon just left-”

“I know, he offered to once I told him I was coming,” you put the food on the table and turned to him.

“Y/N... I’m so sorry I left the other day. It’s nothing to do with you, I love you. It’s just…”

“Jimin, I know.” You grabbed his hand to comfort him.

“Y-you know?”

He looked so adorable when he was confused. You looked at the way he wide opened his eyes and you just melted inside.

“I went to see you play today and, at the end of the game, I waited for you outside the locker room so we could talk and I heard everything you guys said.”

“You heard? So, you know? Fuck, I’m so sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to hurt you it was just-” You kissed him.

“Jimin, I don’t care that you have a small penis. You could have a wind chime for a penis and I wouldn’t mind, you know why? Because I love you with all my heart.” You placed your hands on his chubby cheeks in a tender gesture and ran your thumbs over his skin.

“I’m so sorry I put that kind of pressure on you. I should’ve known that you weren’t feeling it and-”

“Wasn’t feeling it? Fuck Y/N, do you know how much I wanted you at that moment? Do you know that you almost ended me when you came out of the bathroom looking like that? Trust me when I say that leaving you that night was hard as fuck and also, something I’ve regretted ever since.”

After soulfully looking into each other's eyes you embraced one another. You nuzzled your head in his neck and just stood there smelling his Hugo Boss perfume. The hug was a healing one, like all that you’ve been through for the past week had just been erased by his strong arms.

Jimin pulled back from the hug so his lips could meet yours, passion flowing right through you. The kiss quickly got more heated as his hands started wandering all over your body, making the temperature rise.

“Baby,” you pulled away and looked right at his glazed eyes, “we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to-”

“I want to.” He placed a soft kiss on your lips and led you to his bedroom where he started to remove his t-shirt, showing you his glorious abs.

Not wanting him to feel left out, and to give him some type of security, you also started to remove your shirt, following it up with the rest of your outfit until you were completely naked on his bed.

“I am so lucky,” he stated as he observed your naked body on his bed.

His half-naked body soon was on top of yours, his mouth worshipping your skin with sweet and tender kisses. He started at the neck, moved through your chest (teasing your nipple a little bit with his tongue), down your stomach and straight to your dripping centre.

“You’re so beautiful,” his eyes were fixated on yours as he licked your pussy, paying special attention to your small nub.

This was the first time Jimin was eating you out, the two of you only having gone to second base. From all the times you envisioned his head between your legs you had to admit you only imagined the best; Jimin was by far the best kisser you’ve had, not only because of those luscious lips of his but also because he had a very skilful tongue that he knew how to use in just the right amount. So, to say that he exceeded your expectations was putting it lightly. He was fucking knocking your metaphorical socks off.

“Fuck Jimin, just like that.” The way his wet tongue was circling your clit made you grab a handful of his dark brown locks so he could get even closer to you.

You were getting in such a euphoric state that you almost felt like something was taking over you; especially when he inserted a finger inside you. One minute you were biting your lip as hard as you could, the other you were almost pulling out his bedspread and in the next you were massaging your breasts to enhance your pleasure; an act that, in tandem, made you cum on your boyfriend’s mouth as you screamed his name.

“You were so good at that baby,” he climbed back up on top of you and you pulled him in for a quick kiss, the taste of your juices being all over his lips, “that was the best oral sex I’ve ever had.”

“Well, you know. I needed to get good at that since, you know…”

Your heart completely dropped, not thinking about the possible implications of your words. You felt so bad for him, you wish you could make all of this go away for him.

“Baby, don’t say that,” you placed your hand on his cheek, “size doesn’t really matter. What matters is the love we feel for each other and I love you so much.” You two kissed once more demonstrating your love for one another.

“Do you trust me?” You gently asked him.

“I do, with all my heart.”

You switched places with him, this time you being the one on top, and gently pulled his sweatpants down. Then, you looked at him once more, waiting for his approval, and once he gave you a nod you pulled down his black underwear revealing his hard dick.

It wasn’t that bad. You honestly were picturing something way smaller than what was in front of you - something more like a finger - but as you looked at it and saw that it still had a good girth you were kind of relieved.

You looked at him, saw his concerned look, gave him a smile, grabbed his penis and gave it a gentle kiss. Jimin whimpered at the contact and you teased him further by giving it a series of licks.

“Please baby, don’t tease me, it’s...been a while.”

“I’m sorry,” you weren’t also in the mood for games, but you just couldn’t resist teasing him a bit. “Do you have a condom?”

“Here,” he moved to reach the top drawer of his bedside table and removed a pack of condoms. He opened the box, ripped out one of the foils and handed it to you.

You put his cock in your mouth, giving it a couple of sucks, for a last bit of teasing and rolled the condom on his dick. You then moved so your core would be right on top of his length and rubbed his tip back and forth through your folds before sliding it right inside of you.

“Hmm,” you both moaned in unison.

His dick felt different than the others you had experienced. It didn’t fill you to the brim, but it still felt good. Maybe to other girls, it wouldn’t be ideal, but to you, it was more than enough.

The way you two were making love to each other, the sweet kisses, the intense stares, the moaning of each other’s names, everything was more than perfect and you could honestly say you never felt more connected to a person in your entire life. It didn’t even matter to you the number of times he slipped off of you during sex, it just mattered that you were with him.

Jimin was near his climax and you could tell he was trying to hold it in as much as possible because you were still a bit far from it. But, out of nowhere, Jimin started rubbing your clit, giving you the edge you needed to finally come undone and make him release inside of you.

You remained in each other’s arms for a while, just panting and enjoying each other’s embrace, until Jimin pulled himself out of you and went to the bathroom to discard his condom. When he returned and lay right next to you, you couldn’t help but notice the nervous look on his face.

“Baby, it was fine,” you assured him.

“Yeah, but it kept falling out and I had to help you get there.”

“So?” You popped yourself on your elbow to get a better look of his face. “It matters way more to me that you did everything in your power to make me cum than if I could cum by your dick alone. Trust me, most women can’t even cum with sex alone.”

“So...it was good?” His puppy dog eyes were seriously killing you inside.

“Yes,” you kissed his lips as he started smiling, relief washing over his face, “it was good.”

“I love you so much,” he professed his love to you and you could say that it was making your heart explode.

“I love you too,” now he was the one kissing you and you wished for nothing more than to get lost in his lips for the whole day but the sound of your stomach growling made you come back to reality.

“Somebody’s hungry,” he booped your nose in an adorable gesture, “how about we leave this bed and go devour those pizzas?”

“Way ahead of you.”

a/n: I was inspired to do this fic due to the amounts of “huge dick” fics out there. Don’t get me wrong, I love huge dicks lmao, but I feel like it’s healthy to, once in a while, bring a small peen to the equation (or maybe even a freaking normal size). Girls and boys, don’t expect everyone to have huge dicks, it’s ok if they don’t <3

© maliby, 2020. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[thatmultifandomhoe]

The Size of a Heart

Pairing: Lee Hoseok (Wonho) and Reader

Word Count: 9,919

Genre: Established Relationship AU - Slice of Life AU - Smut - Angst - Fluff

Overview: Between work and obtaining an MFA, it had been too long since you and   Hoseok had gotten to spend more than a few hours together, let alone be intimate with each other. When he whisks you away for a well-deserved   weekend getaway, just the two of you and no one else, you eagerly jumped  on board, and him. But when you wake up alone left with your thoughts,  unable to escape the insecurities you once put behind you, this weekend  changes your relationship in a way you hadn’t even hoped for.

Warning: Tattooed Wonho, Pierced Wonho, messy kisses, Wonho is a hoe for the reader’s boobs, size kink - body insecurity, body dysmorphia, talk about dieting, talk about starving, talk about binge eating, fasting, self-hatred, self-conscious, use of the term fat in a negative view – explanation of the butterfly project.

A/N: This drabble was perhaps one of the hardest fics I’ve written, and that’s because this story deals with something that I’ve struggled with for many, many years now. With that being said, one of the many things this story deals with is body dysmorphia.

For those who are unaware, body dysmorphia or - Body dysmorphic disorder - is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or  flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by  others. I am stating this right now, I have never been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, but I have done many of the things that are mentioned later on in this fic.

This was not an easy story to write because I put in my own experiences with being self-conscious, with hating what I see in the mirror, with seeing an image of myself that isn’t what others see. To be honest, I’ve also left out a lot of the things that I’ve done because of that. There were many moments were I had to stop and walk away from this fic because it was so hard to read the things the MC is going through, and knowing that I did them, that I still do. It’s not easy.

This is just a heads for those who may not be comfortable reading such things. And that’s perfectly understandable. For those of you do decide to read this fic, well, I hope you enjoy. I really do. There are moments that made me laugh, so I promise it’s not all angst lol. I really do.

Master List:

Music Playlist:

Part of the Intimacy Anthology Project

©thatmultifandomhoe 2020. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

The sky was burning as the sun set for the night, cloaking the city in its familiar darkness. Leaning against the side door, you watched the world blur by from the passenger seat of Hoseok’s car.

Only half an hour earlier did you get a text from him telling you to pack a bag. Somehow, he managed to clear his own schedule, and knowing that you were free as well, he decided that the two of you needed a getaway from reality for a few days, even if it was only to his place. The best of it all, was the promise of spending all day in his bed.

You and Hoseok had only been dating for six months at this point, and while sex with him wasn’t a new thing, this was the first time that you were going to be spending a weekend with him. With all the hours that he put into his tattoo shop, and you working on obtaining your MFA while still working full time as an assistant to a family run law firm, more often than not your schedules didn’t line up. Work and school dictated both your lives, making it near impossible to spend more than a few hours together.

Despite living in the same city, the two of you relied on video chats and messaging apps to stay connected as if it was a long-distance relationship.

Which is why once you had received his text about his plans, you had rushed around the apartment, ignoring the strange looks your roommates gave you as you ran to your room, throwing in clothes from the closet without a second thought and those lacey bra and panties that had been waiting for their moment to shine.

Three nights. Two days. Alone with Hoseok sleeping next to you, was all that you needed and wanted to do. There were no plans whatsoever that involved leaving his bed.

Shifting in the seat, the corners of your mouth lifted when seeing Hoseok glance at you, his eyes lingering on your bare legs as you straightened them out more. He was driving one-handed, the other resting on the console, fingers intertwined with yours as he rhythmically rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb.

“Won’t be much longer,” Hoseok said, lifting your tangled hands to kiss the back of yours.

You hummed in agreement, watching the corner of his eyes crinkle as he smiled and chuckled, glancing up at you before focusing back on the road. He had asked for you to be ready to go by seven, that way there wouldn’t be much traffic to deal with.

“You sure you won’t have to work this weekend?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

Hoseok nodded, kissing your knuckles once more and keeping them against his lips for a few extra moments. “I promise, love. I made sure not to book any sessions.”

Adjusting in his seat, he shifted his knee against the steering wheel, the clicking of the blinkers going off as he pulled into his driveway. Your smile widened as you let go of his hand to gather your purse and backpack, prepared to open the door when the lock sharply echoed in the car. There was no time for you to react because the next thing you knew, fingers were gripping your chin and turning you to face Hoseok. For a split second, his sneaky grin took up the majority of his face before his mouth descended onto yours.

His plush lips were soft against yours, and while he had given you a quick kiss when you had left the apartment, you had been too excited about being with him to be able to properly enjoy it. Now…the bags slipped from your fingers, a dull thud barely registering in your mind as you cradled the back of his head. Briefly you felt him smile, but when you leaned further into him, his hands sliding their way down and around your frame as the kiss deepened.

It had been so long since either of you kissed like this. Usually you settled for soft and sweet, occasionally indulging in his games when he would try to pull you back for a chaste kiss, then another, and then one last one, I promise, until you had to rush to get back to the office or class.

Hoseok tugged on the bottom of your shirt until it was freed from your jeans, eagerly sliding his palms over your back, trailing each bump of your spine and leaving your body shivering with his sudden touch. Threading your fingers through his black hair, you lightly tugged on the locks, his sudden groan shooting you straight in the heart.

“Been too long,” you murmured, shifting in the seat so that you were sitting on your knees in the seat, and for the first time ever, hovering over Hoseok as you leaned back down, hungrily kissing him.

When was the last time the two of you were able to lose yourselves in each other? Without worrying about work and projects getting in the way every single time?

There was no warning from Hoseok except for a squeeze of your hips when you felt yourself becoming airborne for a few brief seconds, finding your new position to be straddling his hips. His hands felt like they were everywhere, lost in the taste of the mint gum he must have chewed earlier to do anything more than moan when his hands slipped into your back pockets to squeeze your ass.

Taking advantage of your open mouth, he slipped his tongue in, grip tightening on your ass as he felt your hips rock against him.

Even with the AC on, the cold air did nothing to cool your body temperature, making the already warm summer day hotter inside the car. Although you knew who to blame for that sudden change.

Your heart was racing as the kissing continued breaching into desperate lust. Your chest was aching from the lack of oxygen, but you refused to give in to such a simple thing like air. In your opinion, this, kissing your boyfriend, was far more important despite how much your lungs were disproving this decision.

It didn’t help that despite being on his lap, space between you and the steering wheel were tight. Needing something to hold on to, you slid your hands up Hoseok’s chest, gripping the sides of his leather. The sudden pull on his jacket had him moving forward, and with your minds preoccupied, neither of you realized the consequence of that action until it was too late.

The horn blared in your ears, jolting the two of you apart at the unwanted noise that only stopped when Hoseok tugged you off the steering wheel and against his chest. For the short moments afterwards, the outside world fell silent, your chest heaving as short gasps escaped from trying to catch your breath. Palms placed firmly on Hoseok’s chest, they moved with him as he tried to regulate his own breathing, and it was there that they shook with his shoulders, his giggles starting out soft and adorable before growing loud.

His laughter was infectious. So much so that you found yourself resting your forehead on his shoulder, cheeks aching from smiling and laughing so harshly. The longer that you sat on his lap, a dull ache settled in your knees, but there was nothing in this world that was going to make you leave his arms, the very ones that were wrapped around you with one of his hands cradling the back of your head. He held you just tight enough to reassure you that he was in fact here and holding you, that this wasn’t just another hopeful dream.

“Are you okay?” He said, his voice light with his giggles.

Nodding, you leaned backwards to look at him, eyes smiling as bright as his smile. “I’m fine,” you reassured, stealing a glance behind you to make sure that you didn’t hit the steering wheel as you shifted on his lap.

 His soft pink lips were darker and his hair was disheveled from your fingers. Reaching you, you gently fixed the messed up looks, missing the way that his laughter turned to only the occasional giggle, his face softening as he gazed at you. Before you could remove your hand, Hoseok was taking it in his, fingers automatically lacing together with yours as he bumped his forehead against yours.

You closed your eyes at the connection, catching the faintest scent of crisp apples attached to his clothing. It was fresh, yet reminded you of his shop at the same time. He must have come straight to your apartment from working on a client.

Inside your chest, your heart didn’t race, instead it slowed down, comfortably beating as his nose softly brushed against yours. As much as you had missed the passion and his kisses, out of everything, it was the simplest of innocent touches, his familiar presence that you craved and missed so dearly. He had a way about himself that was able to turn the mood up to a hundred, and carefully bring it back to normal.

“How about we leave this car,” Hoseok murmured, his palms resting on the small of your back. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spend our little vacation inside the house.”

As perfect as this moment was, he was right. The ache in your knees had grown along with a minor fear that if the two of you kept this going in the driver’s seat, that you would once again be getting a rude greeting from the car horn.

Lifting your forehead off his, you raised an eyebrow at him. “Anywhere in particular inside?”

The corner of his lips twitched again, bringing back his smile at full force. “Wherever you want to be.”

A scoff left you too easily. Pushing off of him, you undid the lock and with his hands steadying you, got out of the car and headed in the direction of his front door. A summer breeze kissed at your heated body, the leaves from the trees shaking from up above as small lights blinked in and out around the yard like miniature falling stars. It had been awhile since you last saw fireflies. They were childhood memories and nostalgia that had you diverting from the original plan of going inside, content with staying out for a little while longer.

When a pair of arms wrapped around your frame and hands settled on your hips, Hoseok’s head leaning against yours, it was easy to picture this moment happening over and over again every summer. While it was a little shocking how easy it was to imagine, nothing felt more right than this. Maybe not always right in this spot, but by his side was where it felt perfect. Where it felt natural.

Lips nibbling at your neck had your eyes closing, easily leaning against his body as you were brought back to reality.

“Didn’t know you were into public stuff,” Hoseok teased, sucking at a particular spot on your neck that had you gasping. “I’m not sure how my neighbors will feel about that though.”

You swatted at his thigh, feeling his lips curve upwards before he pressed himself completely against your backside, allowing you to feel every inch and curve of his body. Shifting in his embrace, your eyes widened upon feeling something else pressing against your ass. One that brought back more mildly more recent memories and weren’t childhood friendly, saliva building up and forcing you to swallow.

“Maybe…maybe we should go inside.” you suggested, voice barely above a whisper as you tried to remain calm, taking a shaky breath despite wanting nothing else but to continue.

Hoseok hummed against your neck, leaving one last kiss. Straightening up, he winked and tapped your ass, leaving a hand on your lower back to guide you to the house, all as if he wasn’t walking around with an erection or that he had riled you up. Like this was normal for him.

It only took seconds.

Fifteen seconds to get inside his house. Ten seconds to kick your shoes onto the shoe rack he had, and only five seconds for Hoseok to spin you around and bring you close enough for him to kiss. Like in the car, the lust was quickly ignited once more as you tried to keep up with him, wanting to taste and feel more of him. You wanted him, in every which way possible, to the point where it was an overflowing pot, and yet, even then it wouldn’t be enough.

You would never be able to get enough of the man that was Lee Hoseok.

With an ease that still surprised you, Hoseok gripped your waist and picked you up as if you weighed nothing, making you wrap your legs around his hips to bring you closer. Once he had you like he wanted, he secured his arms around you and carried you away all while keeping the kiss going.

He walked with a clear destination and kissed like he was the devil coming to collect his debt, personally bringing you to Hell’s gates where you knew that only his touch would run hotter than its fires.

A chill erupted along your spine as blankets and pillows gently encompassed your body, only then did the kiss break, chest heaving as you tried to look around the room, but when he nibbled on your shoulder it was game over. You moaned, taking a moment to indulge in the feeling before reaching up to push his leather jacket off. He barely removed himself from you to take off his favorite clothing piece, but he tugged it off and only ended up lightly biting your skin, eliciting a gasp from you.

“Sorry love,” Hoseok murmured, kissing that spot oh so gently that it questioned whether or not his lips had actually touched the skin.

“It’s fine,” you chuckled, tilting your head to kiss him once again.

When Hoseok kissed you for the first time it was after your sixth date. At first you had thought it was strange that he would wait so long for a kiss that most people gave out after a second or third date, but he had never been one to rush things, and by taking his time, it had made that first time all that more special. They had been addicting back then, and as he took you to Paris in the comfort of his room, you found yourself never wanting to stop.

Shirts were quickly discarded and you managed to get Hoseok on his back, taking the advantage of straddling his waist to leave your own love bites around his neck, kissing your way down his sternum, feeling each and every shaking breath that he took before hearing his groans.

A black and grey scale of a lion took up the majority of his chest, strands of its mane peaking up onto his shoulders and the base of his neck that always teased you when he wore a shirt. Due to how large the piece was, the mane covered his pecs, practically hiding the silver bars of his nipple piercings. A dare he had gotten back in his younger years. When he told you that story it was always with a smile. Free piercings and jewelry, I just had to prove I had the balls to go through with it.

A deep moan sounded from above when you kissed his nipple, the metallic taste of the piercing lingering on your tongue, his fingers digging into your hips as he tried to grind himself into you. It only succeeded in sending the fire that was boiling straight to your heart, your nails raking down his sides and causing him to flinch at the sensation.

“We can tease the fuck out of each other later,” Hoseok groaned, undoing the button of your shorts with quick movements. “I’ve missed you too much to wait any longer.”

As much as you enjoyed worshiping every curve and groove from his muscles, he was right. Releasing his piercing, you leaned back up to steal a kiss that he readily accepted. His palms trailed up your body, almost wrapping around you as he rolled you on your back and slipping between your lower half.

Breaking the kiss, Hoseok messily kissed down the valley of your breasts, his fingers making quick work of removing the offending shorts off your legs and tossing them to the floor without a care to where they landed. The bra didn’t last much longer. Once your breasts were free, he descended on the left one, sucking and licking the nipple as he fondled the other, forcing a gasp from you as you felt your underwear grow damp.

The blankets were bunched up and shifting towards the edge of the bed, and when he suddenly let go of your breast, the air in the room suddenly too cold as it made contact with the wet mess he left, you let go of the blankets and chose to hold on to his shoulders when he latched on the right nipple. As if not wanting to let it feel left out, he ran his thumb over the saliva he left, spreading it over your boob.

“Hoseok,” you whined, back arching off the pillow.

He hummed around your breast, lips curling up until he released you with a satisfied grin as the corners of his eyes crinkled.

“Sorry love,” he murmured, messily kissing you again. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“Take off your pants if you’re so sorry,” you said, raising a leg to push at the jeans that clung to his body.

“Gladly.”

Pushing himself up, his black bangs fell in his face as he worked on removing his pants, the belt clattering against itself as it fell to the floor.

Wetting your lips, you watched, unabashedly drinking in the way your boyfriend had built himself up from all the late night and early morning workouts he did at the gym, even occasionally slipping one in during the middle of the day. All his hard work and protein shakes had paid off, even with his odd obsession with eating ramen at random times.

However, as he went to push them down, you quickly leaned forward to trace the black cursive letters that were tattooed near his abs and v-line, right above the band of his jeans. He didn’t have this the last time you two had sex, and there was no memory of him mentioning getting another tattoo.

“Monsta…X?” You read aloud, glancing up at him.

His smile widened but he didn’t speak, settling for only raising a single eyebrow.

Of all the things he could have gotten inked onto his body, this was perhaps the strangest. Usually he only got tattoos that were important to him. The lion on his chest was symbolic to protecting those he loved. His entire upper left arm was a nightlife scene with bright colors of Seoul, South Korea to represent his home country, and underneath that on his forearm was a small bouquet of yellow daffodils that appeared as if the flowers had grown right out of his wrist, they were so realistic.

Everything had a meaning, so what was so important that he had to get those words tattooed? Especially in a spot that made it impossible to not steal a glance at his…

“You named your dick Monsta X?” You gasped; eyes wide as his body shook with his laughter. “Why?”

“Why not?” He giggled, continuing to remove his pants.

Your mouth opened and closed repetitively, but a slow grin overtook your face and you shook your head, just as amused if not even more than Hoseok was. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I mean…” Tossing his pants away, he winked as he reached over to the nightstand drawer and pulled out a foil, setting it on the bed next to you as he sat on his knees, his thigh muscles stealing your attention briefly when they flexed, the bulge in his briefs almost straining against the fabric. “You always call it that anyway.”

The sudden laugh was ripped from your throat and you hurried to cover your mouth with your palm. If it weren’t for the fact that he was grinning – his eyes met yours for a moment and his smile softened, almost daring to dip into shy territory before he cleared his throat - and you knew that he had a sense of humor, you would have been trying to fix what you said. Besides, it wasn’t like he was wrong either, it had just been the last thing you expected him to say.

“Now that we got that out of the way,” Hoseok said, still amused while lifting your legs together in one hand as he removed your damp panties with the other, tossing them like a basketball towards the door despite your halfhearted protests. He quickly discarded his own pair without a second thought and after rolling on the condom, with no warning whatsoever he tugged on your legs to bring you closer to him and in-between you once more.

Leaning down, he captured your lips in another kiss. This one, unlike the others, was slower, more sensual as he took the time. Despite the heated impromptu make out session in the car, it still felt like forever since the two of you had last been together. Not just intimately, but in the simplest, and loving ways.

When the kiss finally broke, there were a few beats where the world seemed to stop turning as you gazed at each other. Even though it had only been six, glorious, months with Hoseok, the thought of it one day coming to an end was nonexistent. With him, it felt like you were right where you belonged.

He stole another kiss, then a second, but could one even call it stealing when you’re just as eager to kiss him? As the kisses continued, fingers trailed down your hip and thigh, feeling it grip your leg and moving it around his hip before repeating it with the other.

The night was long, but as the sheets twisted in your grip, you knew it was going to be everything and then some.

Shifting against the sheets, you pressed your face further into the warm pillow, the blankets tucked around your body, ensuring that at no point would the chilled air reach you. Not wanting to move around too much, you stretched a hand out to the side, hoping that Hoseok would feel you moving around and pull you close. He always ran warmer than you, even going so far and to tease about you using him as your own personal heater.

Instead, your fingers wrapped around cold sheets.

The difference in temperature had you yanking your hand back to the safety of the warm cocoon you were wrapped up in as you tilted your head. Blinking, you saw that the side where Hoseok should have been, was neatly made up, with only a single wrinkle from when you tried to feel around for him.

“Hoseok?” you said, wondering if he was even still in the house.

He had promised that this weekend was for the two of you with no interference from anyone. Including work and school. Holding the blankets to your chest, you took your sweet time sitting up. The sunlight that was streaming in through the blinds and decently sheer curtains blinded you for a few seconds, forcing you to tilt your head away from the window. Although in only a short time were your shoulders relaxing as the sunlight warmed the bare skin.

Now that you were up, you were able to see that the floor had been cleaned up from last night’s reunion, the clothes that neither of you had gave a damn about where now in the hamper by the bedroom door, and your purse and backpack were sitting on the leather desk chair with a red silk robe folded over the back. It was the exact opposite from the night before. The only exception was the missing Hoseok.

Yawning, you ran a hand through your hair, recalling the way that Hoseok had brushed the locks away from your face to kiss you. The corner of your lips curled upwards, and you had started to lay back down on the bed, the warmth of the blankets coaxing and teasing the possibility of a few more hours of sleep, you spotted a piece of paper on his pillow.

It was folded in half with your name written carefully on it with a heart, bringing a smile to your face before you had even read it.

Morning love, I promise I didn’t sneak off to work while you slept. I told you that nothing work related would interfere with our weekend, and I’m keeping it that way. So you’re probably wondering where the hell I am then. Don’t worry, I just went to the gym nearby for my morning workout. I should be back by noon, unless you’re still asleep by the time I return, then this letter will be pointless.

Either way, I’ll see you soon.

Always,

Your Muscle Bunny.

Despite the fact that he was still gone, a grin appeared and you were pressing your face into the pillow, still holding onto the letter as muffled giggles filled the room. He was never going to let you live that down, but even then, it was so true.

Hoseok was without a doubt jacked up and he took the time to research, spending hours understanding the muscles that he wanted to work on and finding the best exercises to achieve that. Making protein shakes in bulk. There had been many conversations where you’d ask and he’d go on and explain it all to you. At times it made you wonder why he never became a doctor.

But then there were those moments – the rare times the two of you managed to find time together – and he’d be the one tugging you closer for cuddles, sometimes laying on top of you with his head resting on your chest while watching a movie and playing with his hair. When it was hard to find time to meet up for dates, instead of going home to your roommates, you found love letters addressed from him, each one handwritten asking how you were and catching you up on his life. They were personal, each one containing a faint whiff of his cologne, sometimes little mementos that he thought you might enjoy, a slip of poetry or even ones he created himself. Every one you received was carefully placed in a box that you kept on your dresser, more often than not rereading them when all-nighters were the only way to get work done.

He was buff and strong, but at the same time he was soft and didn’t care who knew.

A true muscle bunny.

Rolling over on the bed, you set the note on the nightstand, making a mental note to save it for the memory box when you got back home. The clock had revealed that it was only eleven in the morning as you got out of the bed, quickly nabbing and covering yourself with the robe before going anywhere else.

Without having Hoseok home, the place was quiet as your footsteps papped against the wood floor when you went down the hallway to the bathroom. If he was at the gym then he’d be hightailing it to the shower, unless he wanted to be mean and give a sweaty hug, and you wanted to take advantage of the hot water before he got back. Living with a group of undergrads to try and save money had come with many pros and cons, but the true loss had been the long hot showers you treasured. It was a luxury if you were able to snag fifteen minutes without someone banging on the door.

The fact that he had written out a note instead of sending a text kept the smile floating as the water heated up, your favorite playlist playing loud enough to be heard from down the hall. It was the little things that he did that made you wonder if it was right to tell him those three special words. Since the two of you started dating, it was impossible to imagine yourself with anyone else, and while you didn’t want to jump the wagon and declare that you were ready for marriage, being able to say I love you and hear him tell it back to you, sent butterflies dancing in your stomach.

Reaching in to check the water, you hung the robe on the hook, glancing at your reflection in the mirror. Purple hickeys dotted all over your body, primarily centering around your breasts and neck. Unable to help yourself, you stepped closer to the mirror as you let down your hair, tracing the shape of the marks that he had left out of love last night.

When you thought back on it, he had been so focused on your breasts, his hands remained on either your hips or your face, tilting you constantly so that he could kiss you in whatever position he put you in. But never once had they touched your stomach. Eyes falling to your torso, the lack of any curves had you biting the insides of your mouth, ignoring the dulled pain as you swiped away the fog that had gathered on the mirror.

At least, you thought they had been out of love.

There were no curves. It was just a square. You were just a square. No wonder Hoseok had ignored your stomach last night. He was constantly working out and even with his abs and broad shoulders, his waist still had the slightest curve that was obvious when he wore tight shirts, giving his body the appearance of an upside-down triangle. He put in the time and effort for his muscles and here you were, just a square.

Your workout routine? The most of a workout that you got involved walking on campus to get to each class and then your car for home or work. You couldn’t remember the last time you had carved out a set amount of time to go to the gym or do a home workout. There was barely any time to yourself.

The hot water raining down on you was a momentary distraction from the thoughts swirling around. It only lasted a few short minutes. Like wildfire, they ignited memories and beliefs that you swore you had locked up and burnt to ash years ago. Especially when you have been doing so well recently.

Numbers of a scale rapidly spin each time you stand on it. The black and white numbers playing wheel of fortune as they decide your fate for the night. Did you lose? Or did you gain? The cards were always held by the ringmaster that was the small scale and whether or not they were what you originally wanted; they were never good enough when they were finally dealt out.

It was never enough. Never good enough. You always had to push it and even then, it wasn’t enough. The image you saw in the mirror convinced you to take smaller portions of meals, pushing the hours in-between meals before suddenly cutting off eating after a certain time, because the way your stomach twisted in pain and begged for some sort of substance had you convinced that it was working.

Days. Weeks. You’d be so good at keeping up with it, but there was always a hiccup that sent you plummeting in a spiral. It could be a snack, a small cherry tomato or even a cracker, and the next thing you knew all the containers were on the counter as you shoved whatever you could down your throat without a care in the word. Even then it wouldn’t be enough. It was never enough. You’d be eating, but your stomach would feel like a bottomless pit because you were so hungry. Hungry to the point that you wouldn’t be able to recall what the food you ate tasted like.

Then the scale would be mocking you all over again.

Leaning backwards against the wall, the water from the showerhead made it impossible to distinguish between the tears sliding down your face. You just pressed your lips together, just staring at the floral shower curtain that was hanging up, the shampoo bubbles sitting in your hair as you remained still.

You have been doing so good lately. The past hadn’t even been lingering thought and when Hoseok entered your life, everything just seemed to be falling in place.

Yet here you were, standing in the shower with water that was steaming but you felt nothing, rehashing old thoughts that were crawling their way through any empty space that was available. The tiniest crack of an opening was all they needed to enter uninvited.

He didn’t know about this. Hoseok. You had been so good with eating, no longer cutting back or bingeing that it never crossed your mind to tell him. But as you moved under the water to rinse out the suds, your fingers grazed the hickies he had left in his place. All over your chest and neck. Avoiding your stomach. Your thighs were barely even grazed. Everywhere but your stomach.

He knows, you thought, pressing the heels of your palms against your eyes, gasps and whimpers filling the bathroom but drowned out by the music as you cried. There was no other way to explain it. He saw what you used to see, what you still see. The square. Nothing more than a body with rolls that hung on you. It was a miracle he was able to still have sex with you last night. How could he be with someone like you when it was so obvious that he put effort into maintaining his own body.

Body on autopilot, your hands went through the motions of washing out your hair and then applying conditioner while your mind detached itself from the mundane task at hand. The idea of him seeing you like this, with no shape at all, what you considered to be a square...no. A square was too nice of a term. You were not a square. A glance through the opening of the curtain let you see your reflection in the mirror, and your eyes watered up once again. Not a square, you thought. A blob. A fat, overweight blob, taking up his time and space.

Twisting your hair, you stared at the locks as water poured out before abruptly shutting it off, fingers gripping the handle that controlled the temperature as you pressed your free palm against the wall. The bathroom was like a sauna. Even after with the water shut off, the room was hotter than hell.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to push away those thoughts. They were leeches clinging to the inside of your mind and no matter how much you pulled, they weren't coming off. In a daze you manage to straighten up and get out of the shower, wrap a towel around yourself and hair, all while biting down on the inside of your cheeks in an attempt to push them away. When you looked up however, the smear mark from when you wiped the fog off the mirror was still there, allowing you glimpses at yourself. For a split second you saw bloodshot eyes stared back and purple hickeys staring at you, but you looked down towards the floor to hurry out of the room, unable to push those thoughts and images away.

That’s because it’s you.

That blob is you.

It’s you.

Last night was wonderful. Beautiful. Perfect even. But now all you could think about was how Hoseok had avoided certain areas of you on purpose. That perhaps, he didn’t think you were as beautiful as he thought.

You didn’t recall changing. One second you were entering the bedroom in nothing but a towel and the next when you looked down to grip the fabric tighter, you were dressed in one of his black t-shirts and a pair of panties you had packed.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, the towel fell from your fingertips and in an attempt to hold on to something, anything to keep you from floating away, you slid them over your face and into your hair, twisting and gripping the locks until there was a hard ache on the side of your scalp.

“Go away,” you softly whispered, tugging a little hard to make those pesky leeches leave you. “Please go away. Please”

They needed to go. Disappear. It didn’t matter if you had to burn them to a crisp and leave behind a permanent scar. You just needed them to go away, because spiraling was not an option. Not again.

The house was silent when Hoseok arrived, his keys jangling together until he closed his fist around them, making him wonder if perhaps you were still asleep. A small smile formed as he quietly toed his shoes off, the first destination in his mind was to go to the bedroom and see if you were there.

Last night, neither of you had gone to sleep, or truly slept, until dawn had begun to peep through the curtains – because apparently the night didn’t last forever like the two of you had thought. A fault that was perhaps all on him and he should have known better. He was supposed to be older, wiser, more experienced, but how people liked to forget that he was still a man only in his twenties. Just…later in them.

But as he neared the bedroom, he remembered full well how you had wrapped your limbs around him, coaxing him back for more, kissing him not only on his lips but in everyplace where his skin wasn’t dotted with purple love marks from you.

Since he wore tank tops to work out in, the marks had certainly left an impression on the guys at the gym, receiving more head nods and grins than usual. The older man at the jewelry store however, had been less impressed. Then again, that could also be because Hoseok had gone straight there after working out, skipping out on his shower to pick up his order before the store closed for the day.

Not exactly the best decision that he’s made in life so far.

Carefully pushing open the bedroom door, his smile softened upon seeing you curled up on the bed. Not wanting to disturb you, he quietly set the box on his nightstand and left the room, going straight for the bathroom to shower.

As much as he would have loved to tease you, you didn’t deserve waking up to him smelling like dried sweat.

However, he frowned upon seeing the floor mats placed on the floor and condensation covering the mirror, droplets of water covering the entire surface of the bathroom. He turned to look down the hall, but he couldn’t hear any movements or your voice calling out his name.

Maybe she was still tired even after showering, Hoseok thought, shrugging it off as he shut the door behind him, hoping you hadn’t used up all the hot water.

Water dripped from his hair as he entered the bedroom, the towel tightly tied around his hips and confirming every single imagination and daydream. A glance over at your body revealed that you hadn’t moved at all in the time that he was gone.

Smirking, he kneeled on the bed, moving until he was behind you, pressing a hand on the mattress in front of you to maintain his balance while he leaned down to kiss your neck.

“Wake up love,” Hoseok murmured, dragging out the kisses as he took his sweet time in trailing them up to your jawline, last night once again reclaiming his mind. It was a joke to even consider that it had left in the first place.

He wasn’t going to lie and say that he hadn’t missed the sex when the two of you were apart more often than not, sex was great, amazing, otherworldly and even more with you. But that wasn’t even number one on his list. More often than not, he missed being able to sling an arm around your shoulders or waist to bring you in for a hug. The way that your fingers would run through his hair when you thought he was asleep, and the way your eyes always lit up when you talked about something that happened in your classes. Or when you would bump his leg with your foot to ask him about a word that was just on the tip of your tongue, but just conveniently out of reach at that second. It was always a simple word, but the way you exaggerated your arm motions while trying to describe it were fascinating to him.

Hoseok missed you.

Feeling you shift underneath him, his lips curled into a smile as he lifted his head, prepared to give you a kiss that you deserved, only for that mindset to suddenly change when he saw your watery eyes.

That was not how you normally woke up.

The last time he had seen you crying after waking up was when you had gotten your period in the middle of night. It had been a week early and the cramps came out of nowhere, leaving him clueless with what to do but willing to do anything to help ease the pain. Which meant a late-night run to the twenty-four hour convenience store, looking at a picture of the brand of pads you used on his phone, along with buying your favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream and the big bottle of Advil.

He already had a heating pad at home for days when he overworked himself and his muscles got sore. Before leaving for the convenience store, he had set it up for you.

“What’s wrong love?” Hoseok asked, shifting so that his weight was on his left hand behind your back, hovering over your body to try and see your face better.

Before he could do it for you, you were quickly wiping your face with the heels of your palms. “Nothing,” you hurried to say, moving to sit up with the mindset of rushing out of the bedroom to make a run for the bathroom, hoping he would believe that it was a simple eyelash in your eye.

But he was too quick for you, his hand gently capturing your wrists and moving them down as he cupped your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Baby, it’s not nothing. What happened while I was gone?”

Sniffling, you shook your head. No. Why would you point out the obvious? He knew what you looked like. He saw. So why was he playing this game with you?

He sighed at your stubbornness, but that didn’t mean he was going to give up. Not caring if he got the blankets and sheets wet, he settled down beside you and slipped an arm underneath your body to roll you over and into his embrace where he securely wrapped his other arm over you. Once you were nestled in, Hoseok rested his chin on top of your head, drawing a lazy shape on your back, patiently waiting for the moment that you found your voice again.

The second Hoseok hugged you, the back of your eyes burned and you tightly squeezed them shut, not wanting to see anything, an old way to tell yourself that if you couldn’t see, then you wouldn’t have to see what was being reflected back at you.

But wrapped up in Hoseok’s arms, with his heart beating like a sweet lullaby, arms strong enough to fight off anyone who tried to hurt you, even he was unable to find and protect you from the leeches that forced you down the path that was littered with the broken glass and bloodstains that was your past.

His heart broke at the sound of your cries echoing in the bedroom, feeling the tears slide down his chest as he rubbed your shaking body. There was nothing he could do or say to make you feel better until he understood what was happening. All he could do was be here to hold you until you were ready.

Time passed by slowly, but at some point, the tears began to dry up, and the gasps for air had calmed down, allowing you to be able to breathe normally again. The only time you had physically moved was to cling to Hoseok, despite not wanting to tell him what was swirling around in your mind, you didn’t want him to leave you.

A blob.

You’re just a fat blob.

Do you really need to eat lunch today?

“Make it stop,” you whimpered, fingers clenching on the pillow behind Hoseok as your fist dug into his back.

His body jerked at the new bump but he ignored that, choosing to focus on what you were saying. You didn’t know it, but the entire time you had been crying, tears had fallen silently down his cheeks as he watched them fall into your hair. He hated seeing you in pain.

“Make what stop love?” He softly asked, moving a hand to be able to stroke your cheek.

“My mind,” you cried, not yelling, but your voice cracked as the emotions swirling inside you forced it to raise. “Please, make it stop. Shut it off, anything, please.  Please, make it stop!”

If the world was to crash down around him, Hoseok knew that it would only take seconds, or even minutes, for it to crash and end him. Six months ago, you had agreed to go on a blind date set up by a friend of yours who had gotten a tattoo done by Hoseok. It had been a spur of the moment, neither of you really searching for anyone, but the thought of being in the company of another person instead of alone had tempted both of you enough to say yes.

Six months ago, you became his entire world and here you were, crashing around him, begging for him to stop whatever it was that was going on in your mind. Something that he had no feasible solution for. If he knew how to fight the demons that only you were able to see, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But he couldn’t, and knowing that, had him feeling like he was failing you in every possible way imaginable.

Gently, Hoseok shifted your body and moved you next to him on the bed, and when you tried to look away, he cupped the side of your face with a tilt in his direction. There was no avoiding in seeing the pools of tears building up and over his eyes.

“Tell me what’s wrong love,” he whispered, stroking your cheek once more. “You’re scaring me, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.”

God, he was hurting. You hadn’t expected him to react in such a way.

Lie. Tell him you’re fine. He’ll believe it if you believe it.

You’re fine.

Everything’s fine.

Wetting your lips, you repeatedly opened and closed them, feeling like a damned fish unable to breathe and in search of water. Instead of suffocating, you were drowning.

“I…”

An ache built up in your stomach, reminding you that you truly hadn’t eaten anything since last night. Twisting and curling, the sharpness of running on empty was the cold kiss from a toxic lover. Memories of binging on food after midnight cuddled you from behind, weighing you down with iron shackles locked around your stomach.

“I…”

Skip lunch, eat a little bit of dinner so he won’t worry.

Tell him that you’re fine.

“Please love,” Hoseok begged, his fingers smoothing back locks of hair that had begun to fall in your face. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me. You don’t need to carry this by yourself.”

Lie dammit.

“I’m starving,” you whispered, watching his eyebrows pull together, fingers pausing on your skin but you reached up with a shaky hand to cover his, gripping tightly. “It hurts. So much Hoseok, but I don’t want to eat. I tell myself that it’s better if it hurts, but I…I can’t anymore…I can’t.”

The leeches were shrieking in your mind, white tips of a burning fire were touching them and they were dropping to the ground, yet the fire didn’t hurt one bit. For the first time in so long, the shackles of your secret came undone allowing you to step away from the broken path you had set yourself on.

Hoseok had turned his hand to run his thumb across your knuckles, the realization of what you meant hitting him. Eyes watering up, he opened his mouth to speak, only there were no words that felt right. You were hurting so much right now, the last thing he wanted to do was say the wrong thing without meaning to.

But like a dam that had suddenly burst, the words that he couldn’t find, were flooding out of your mouth. “I…I was so good, better than I have been in years, but last night and this morning, it was one thing after another and I couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t stop my mind from going there and it was all I could think about and I…I don’t want to think like that anymore. I don’t wanna be that person anymore.”

“Last night,” Hoseok softly repeated. What had he done the night before, a night that he had thought was so perfect, that was able to nearly cripple you this morning? The idea that he hurt you without even knowing it made him clench down on the inside of his cheeks.

You shook your head, knowing that you weren’t saying it right, implying that it had been his fault when it hadn’t. “While you were gone, I was showering and I…it’s so fucking stupid, but I saw my reflection and your note saying you were at the gym I just, I just started comparing myself to you. You’re always working out, doing what you can to stay fit and it was like years of self-hatred suddenly came back, reminding me of how gross I was, how fat I am and I couldn’t stop it…it was like once it came back it wasn’t going to leave and I – ”

Except you didn’t get to finish. Between the tears once again clogging your throat and Hoseok yanking you back to his chest, his shoulders shaking as he started crying because there was no way in hell he was able to hold it in anymore. The words died off, but you both knew where it was heading.

The fabric of his shirt that you wore wrinkled under his hands, the soft fabric of the towel that he wore grazed your legs. How it hadn’t managed to come undone from all the moving around was a tiny thought that stuck inside your brain.

“Don’t.” Hoseok’s arms tightened around you, almost painfully, but his grip was in only one arm as the mattress dipped underneath your bodies, and the next thing you knew he was pulling you to sit on his lap as he sat up with his back against the headboard. His eyes were rimmed red, cheeks flushed. There wasn’t a time where you recalled being able to compare his eyes to an ocean. Not until now at least.

His chest was heaving as he leaned his head back against the wood with a soft thump, bottom lip trembling while trying to form together something to say. Words. He needed words. “I…you never…not once did you say anything to me.”

“Because I was good when we met,” you cried. “I hadn’t been doing anything, and I’ve been so good this entire time, but this morning it was like…like I was suddenly drowning in it because it’s always been like this, always coming in waves. And I wanted to start it all over again.”

Despite how much it hurt, how hungry it made you, there was that painful satisfaction of seeing the numbers go down on that evil scale. To be able to wear the clothes that you never could before. The way your stomach aches and cries out at one, two in the morning yet you deny it the simplest thing it wanted, because for a period of time, you were the one in charge. You had control over what was happening in your life and it…it was fucking addicting.

“But you’re already so small.”

The tears had slowed down, always slipping down his cheeks faster when he thought of how long you’ve been hurting, and he had never known.

Bottom lip trembling, somehow, you managed the weakest of smiles, voice cracking as you spoke. “I know.”

You always had been, but the reflection you saw in the mirror, never was real. For years you were purging yourself of a you that never once existed.

The person that Hoseok saw when you thought he wasn’t looking, the one who gently swayed to her favorite music, who had a love affair with words and their meanings but more often than not forgot them. The woman he saw who, on their third date hurried him over to the park to watch the fireflies dance in the night sky because they were the only type of bugs that you liked, and the woman who he reached out for when waking up first thing in the morning even if he hadn’t spent the night at your apartment, was not the same one that you saw.

You saw a version of yourself that you hated, so much so that the only way you would be happy with your reflection, was to destroy yourself.

Instead of speaking, Hoseok simply hugged you tightly to him, resting his head against yours as he felt you curl yourself around him. To say that this wasn’t how he had pictured this morning to go was a mild statement, but as he left a gentle kiss on your shoulder, he simply wanted to love you, and show you what it was like to be loved.

Time ticked by slowly, but when Hoseok finally lifted his head off yours, the tears had stopped falling leaving his eyes itchy and dry. He barely glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Instead, his gaze went to the black jewelry box he had set there. With everything that’s happened, he forgot that he had even picked it up.

“It’s – it’s not my place to tell you what to think,” he softly said, reaching over to retrieve the box. He felt you shifting and knew that you were watching him, a glance at you showed the curious frown you wore. “But I think you’re wrong. To me, you’re not gross. You’re not overweight. Ever since that blind date, six months ago, you’re the only woman who I care about.”

Without any ceremony, he held the box out for you to take, gently smiling and nodding when you looked up at him as if to ask if it really was for you.

Carefully, you opened the lid, feeling your heart nearly collapse at the sight of the necklace that delicately laid a bronze gold heart on the white fabric. On the side sat a tiny firefly, and in the center in elegant cursive read, ‘You’re the reason why my heart beats.’

“I love you,” Hoseok finally confessed. Lifting a hand, he brushed the hair back out of your face, his fingers gently grazing your cheek as he did so. “All I want is for you to be happy, love. You mean the world to me, and I want to help you through this. To me, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, but now that I know that’s not what you see, then I’ll help you. So that one day, you might be able to see what I see. Whenever that may be.”

His image blurred once more. Instead of hiding your face from him, or wanting to get away in general, you reached up to pull him down for a kiss despite the tears. Each one was short and sweet, but like an addiction, you kept going back for just one more.

Even if he didn’t understand it completely, or maybe he did, but he was willing to learn to help, because that wasn’t a life you wanted anymore. You just…you just didn’t know what to do, or how to do it by yourself. Not when those leeches were able to corrupt such an amazing night in seconds.

Hoseok wasn’t one to break away from a kiss but this time, he leaned back to take the necklace from you, undoing the clasp and hooking it on for you. The heart rested right in the middle of your chest. Right where it belonged.

“Now, I know I promised to not bring home any work,” Hoseok said, gently wiping away a few stray tears on your cheek. “But I remember you talking about getting that tattoo done one day. If you want, I can do it for you.”

“I never decided where though.”

His eyes softened. “I heard someone talking about this thing called the butterfly project. The idea is to draw a butterfly in the place where you’d hurt yourself, and by having it there, it’s supposed to help stop those urges. Maybe…maybe we can do something like that.”

The room fell silent.

You had been wanting to get your fireflies tattooed for years now. They were a favorite reminder of a simpler time. When the world was kind and beautiful and not harsh like you had painfully learned it to be. Sitting here with Hoseok, he served as the reminder that despite the hurt, there was always hope nearby. Whether it was from him, the world, or even deep within yourself.

Hope and love had a funny way of coming together in the darkest hours of our lives.

The tattoo gun buzzed loudly in the kitchen.

Hoseok pressed his lips together, eyebrows pulling in concentration as his gloved hands skillfully moved the machine while he began the process of outlining the cluster of fireflies on your thigh. When this was all over, there would be fireflies flying around at dusk on your body forever.

It was something you loved, in a spot that you passionately disliked, but even now you smiled. Because how could you look at something you loved with hatred?

None of this was going to be easy. Gazing at Hoseok, a small smile appeared. Perhaps he felt your gaze on him, but as he lifted the gun to wipe the area, he glanced up at you. A soft smile instantly appeared.

This wasn’t going to suddenly fix things. That was far from the truth. But that was okay because in reality, that was life. There was the good, the bad, and everything in between that got thrown at you.

Life isn’t perfect, but with Hoseok…it felt like it was.

[nayutai]

The Task At Hand

Pairing Mingyu x Female OC

Word Count 15.1k

Warnings mentions of infidelity, mentions of racism, foul language, anxiety, insecurities, therapy sessions, dumbasses in love, light choking, dry humping

Summary The first year of marriage is always the hardest. Unfortunately for Mingyu and Kamile, the first year as husband and wife may also be their last. 

Notes This absolute behemoth of a fic is my contribution to The Intimacy Anthology where I, along with many other fantastic writers, have explored intimacy in all of its many forms. This fic is incredibly close to my heart and I hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please check out the other stories featured in the project here as well! 

Mingyu fumbles with his keys in the dark as he searches for the one that’ll get him into his house. The alcohol coursing through his system is making this very simple task a lot harder than it needs to be. He shouts victoriously when he finally manages to unlock the front door to stumble inside. He freezes when he hears someone clapping slowly off to his right.

“Two minutes and forty seven seconds. That didn’t take you as long as I thought it would but then again you have been good at finishing quickly these days.” Mingyu groans deep in his throat at the scathing words from the woman staring him down from the love seat in the living room. She lifts a glass of what he can only assume is white wine to her lips, draining it quickly. 

“I’m too drunk for your bullshit tonight, Kamile.” Mingyu grunts as he leans back against the door to steady himself while he toes his sneakers off. All he wants to do is crawl up the stairs to the guest room he’s been sleeping in so that he can go to sleep. He rolls his eyes when he hears Kamile clear her throat from across the room. If he knows anything about his wife, nothing good is about to come out of her mouth. 

“If you didn’t want to hear my bullshit then maybe you should’ve shown up for dinner with my parents tonight.” The venom in her voice makes Mingyu’s blood run cold. He’d totally forgotten about her mother’s birthday dinner tonight. Fuck. As much as he hates to hear her nagging him, even he has to admit that he deserves it this time. This dinner has been planned for months and he should’ve been there. 

He forces his eyes to focus when he looks back over at the brooding woman shooting daggers at him from across the room. It’s then he registers the fact that she’s still fully dressed despite the late hour. Kamile is a huge proponent of being comfortable within the walls of her own home and for her to sit in a dress and heels as she waits on his appearance does not bode well for him in the slightest. He’s surprised that she hasn’t launched her wine glass at his head.

“Whatever or whoever you were out doing,” Kamile rises slowly from the couch, impressively steady in her heels despite the bottle of wine she ran through waiting on her neglectful husband to come home. Silence stretches between them interrupted only by the damning clicks of her shoes against the hardwood flooring. Kamile stops to appraise the man she married when she reaches him, wondering where it all went wrong. 

“…I hope it was worth it.” She silences his groveling with a raised hand. She’s tired of the arguing. Tired of the excuses. Just tired in general. 

Most people would have some sort of emotional response to this but her exhaustion leaves nothing but an empty void in its wake. Mingyu may as well be yelling at a brick wall for all the response he gets from Kamile as she slowly climbs the stairs. The sound of the bedroom door clicking shut echoing around the house may as well have been a gunshot.

“One more thing for her to hold over my fucking head.” Mingyu grumbles as he slowly blazes his own trail up the stairs. He pauses before the closed door to the bedroom they once shared, hand gripping the doorknob in his hand as he contemplates going in to apologize. “What’s the use? Not like she’d listen to me now anyway.”

The bed in the guest room welcomes him like an old friend when he flops down on it, draining him of his energy. Thoughts of how he’ll fix things in the morning drift through his head. Sleep evens out his features, lulling him into a peaceful slumber despite the fact that he’s still fully clothed. The perfect cover for the plans being set in motion right down the hall. 

The sun rouses Mingyu from his sleep way before he’s ready. He could’ve sworn that the curtains were pulled closed when he went to bed but it’s hard to know what’s what when you’re three sheets to the wind at god only knows what time. Blindly, he reaches out for his phone where he’d left it on the nightstand but comes up with a piece of paper instead. It takes a minute for his eyes to focus enough to read the words on the page, but when they do he finds himself bolting for the ensuite bathroom. The offensive piece of stationary gently drifting to the ground as if it hasn’t just ruined his life.

He heaves and wretches until he has nothing left to give. His knees buckle several times as he tries to brush his teeth which is an incredibly difficult task to complete when one is sobbing with everything they have. This can’t be happening. He refuses to believe that this is his reality. Mingyu’s heart sinks even lower when he drags himself back to the bedroom and sees Kamile’s  wedding ring on the night stand next to his phone. He retrieves the letter from where it rests on the floor, reading it over until the tears he’d fought back make a reappearance.

Doing this feels incredibly impersonal but I feel like it’s probably better this way. I realized that the flame I thought would burn forever is barely a spark anymore. Tonight was an epiphany for me. I realize that I deserve better and I’ve decided that I will have it. I’ve always wished you joy and light and I will probably never stop doing that despite everything that’s happened but I can’t do it as your wife anymore. 

Take care,

Kamile Dexter

The usage of her maiden name feels like the final nail in his coffin. He calls. He texts. He emails. He even sends her a message on instagram. Every single attempt to reach her goes unanswered. Anyone could see that things hadn’t been the best between them for a while, but never in his most horrific nightmares did Mingyu think that Kamile would actually leave. 

Time is irrelevant to Mingyu in the days that follow Kamile’s departure. He wakes up when his alarm goes off and drifts through the day. His nights are spent calling Kamile despite the fact that she never answers which then leads to him drinking himself into an alcohol-induced sleep complete with all the blessed numbness that it provides until his alarm goes off once more. This is without a doubt the lowest point of his life and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Kamile grew up with Vernon so naturally Mingyu tries to enlist his help. Unfortunately, it seems that she has anticipated that move and stops answering Vernon’s calls and texts as well. 

With all of his other options seemingly exhausted, Mingyu calls the one person that could possibly help him, Sidra Dexter. A woman with many accolades to her name, Sidra considers being Kamile’s mother to be the most important among them. If anyone knows how to get through to his wife, it’s Sidra. Mingyu prays that she still has a soft spot for him as the phone rings in his ear. If this call goes unanswered, then he really will lose all hope in saving his marriage. 

“It’s about damn time you called me, Gyu Bear. My daughter left you a whole week ago tomorrow and you’re just now enlisting my services? Tell me why that is.” Never a woman to beat around the bush, Sidra gets right to the point with the accuracy of a heat-seeking missile. 

“I don’t know what to do, Mama Dee. She won’t talk to me.” Mingyu whines, on the verge of tears for the umpteenth time today.

“Of course she won’t. She’s stubborn just like her ornery ass father.” The aforementioned father pipes up in the background to defend himself but is quickly shut down. “Now back to you, Gyu Bear. You have messed up big time but I love you so I’m going to help you fix it but I have one question first.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Did you cheat on my daughter? And yes that ‘harmless flirting’ shit you men folk like to do counts as cheating in my book.”

“Of course not! Wait…does Kam think I cheated?” Mingyu is floored and honestly a little angered at the fact that after all these years together Kamile thinks he’s actually capable of infidelity. The alcohol-induced haze clears long enough for his brain to recall a comment she’d made the night she left about whoever he was doing being worth it. 

“She sure does,” Sidra starts up, “but luckily for you, my gut says that you’re telling the truth and it hasn’t steered me wrong in the last 56 years so I don’t see a reason not to trust it now. So here’s what we’re going to do.”

Mingyu listens intently as Sidra outlines her master plan. Not for the first time, he’s in awe of the way her brain functions. The tightness in his chest subsides a little bit with every word she says. For the first time in the six days since Kamile left, Mingyu feels like his life has meaning again. His marriage might not be over after all. 

Despite the fact that Kamile had no intention of answering any of Mingyu’s desperate pleas for attention, the sudden cessation of said pleas only serve to further increase her anguish. She’d originally thought she’d be able to finally find peace when he gave up, but that does not seem to be the case. A part of her didn’t want him to stop trying. Didn’t want him to stop fighting for her.

Did I make the right choice?

The question has haunted her every waking moment as she adjusts to her new normal. She’s been adrift for the last ten days trying to figure out her next plan of action. Should she stay in Korea? Should she go back to America? Should she throw a dart at a map and go wherever it lands? The possibilities are endless but Kamile finds herself unable to fully commit to either option which is how she’s ending up existing on takeout in a hotel for the past week and some change. God, why did she have to be so impulsive? She should’ve made sure that she had a game plan before she just up and left like that. 

Her phone rings on the small night stand, interrupting her self-loathing thoughts. Kamile groans when she sees that it’s her mother. Ever since she’d broken the news to her parents that she’d decided to leave Mingyu, her mom has been giving her grief. Kamile had always had a hunch that her mom loved Mingyu just as much if not more than she loved her, but their break up has made her think that her hunch had been closer to the truth than she’d previously thought.

“Hey, ma.” Kamile greets her mother apprehensively, bracing for the latest round of her mother’s reconciliation efforts. 

“Hello, my lovely daughter. I just landed in Seoul so if you don’t mind coming to get me from the airport that would be great.” Kamile chokes on the mouthful of noodles she’d been munching on. There’s no way in hell that her mother just said that she’s in Seoul. Sure enough, Kamile pulls her phone away from her ear to check her mother’s location and it says that she is in fact at the Incheon Airport. 

“Baby, what did I tell you about making sure you properly chew your food before swallowing. Did you forget what happened to your Uncle Tommy?” Kamile barely hears her mother’s recounting about the uncle who’d died from choking on a fish bone as she rushes around her hotel room gathering her things. She can’t believe her mom really flew halfway across the globe. Thankfully, her hotel isn’t far from the airport so Kamile is helping her mother put her bags in the back of her SUV in no time at all.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything, but what are you doing here?” Kamile questions as she eases her car into the steady stream of traffic bound for the exit. 

“You just left your husband and you didn’t come home to me so I don’t know what made you think that I wasn’t coming out here. A friend of mine is letting me stay with her since I know how you are about your space.” 

Kamile is more than a little thankful for that. Her mother can be overbearing when she’s on a mission and the fact that she’ll still be able to maintain some personal space is comforting. She’s only too happy to let the gps in her guide her to this friend’s house. The closer they get to their destination though the more unsettled she becomes. She has no idea why her gut is telling her to be suspicious, but she’s definitely not about to ignore it. Kamile’s sense are on high alert when she turns into the driveway of a nondescript home in one of the more affluent suburbs of the city. 

“Mom, what’s this friend’s name?” Kamile eyes the structure in front of her as if it could possibly grow teeth and bite her. Something is not right here and if there’s one thing her mother taught her, it’s to trust her gut instinct and right now her gut is telling her to throw her car in reverse and get the hell out of dodge. The only thing keeping her from running for the hills is the fact her mother seems so at ease as she hops out of the car to grab her bags. 

“Her name is Bae Yeojin. She studied abroad at Villanova her junior year and we were roommates. She’s got a pretty successful business now.” Kamile hums in acknowledgement. She vaguely recalls her mom telling her about a girl named Yeojin from college, but that does nothing to assuage the uneasiness in her gut. 

Kamile waits at the bottom of the steps as her mother knocks on the front door. Her fingers are drumming on banister, eyes glancing back and forth from the ornate door and her car. She clutches her keys like a lifeline. At the slightest provocation, she’s ready to bolt. The two women squeal like school children and not the established professionals they are at the first sight of each other. Kamile wonders briefly how long it’s been since they last saw each other.

“Kamile Danielle Kim get your ass up here and say hi.” Not one to disobey a direct order, especially one accompanied by her full name, Kamile reluctantly climbs the short staircase.

“Jesus, Sid, you really spit this one right out. She’s practically your twin.” Yeojin exclaims. She pulls Kamile into a quick hug before ushering the both of them inside. 

One deep breath and Kamile instantly realizes why she felt so uneasy. There’s candles burning in the foyer, but they do nothing to mask the familiar scent she’s spent the last six years smelling. Mingyu is in this house somewhere. She spins around to fix the two women with what she hopes is a threatening glare. Unfortunately, neither one of them appears to be phased by it in the slightest.

“What the hell is going on here?” Kamile’s quickly starting to realize that not trusting her gut has landed her in a situation she most definitely has no interest being in. Her eyes quickly dart back and forth between the two scam artists in front of her.

“I told you she’d figure it out. Pay up.” Yeojin doesn’t take her eyes off Kamile as she holds her hand out to Sidra who is grumbling while she digs in her purse to hand over a few bills.

“Dammit, Kam, did I really raise you to be this observant? You’re costing me money.”

“Yes, now what in the fresh hell do y’all have going on?” The answer to her question comes in the form of timid footsteps sounding off behind her. Her spine stiffens. She doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is. She can sense him. “Fuck this. I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not. Now turn your little narrow butt around and have a seat.” Sidra adopts the tone she’d frequently used when Kamile was growing up and even now as an adult Kamile knows that disobeying this direct order is not the right choice to make. 

It’s with a grimace, that she pivots on her heel to face her husband for the first time since she walked out on him. The satisfaction she feels when she sees just how awful he looks is cancelled out by the fact that she probably looks just as bad. It would be a lie to say that she hasn’t missed the comfort and solace his presence used to bring her. That she doesn’t want to let the outside world fade away as she hides away in his embrace. She wants that back. Craves it even, but enough is enough.

Curse words flow like running water through Kamile’s mind as her mother situates her on a love seat in the living room with Mingyu sat right next to her. His large frame dwarfs the slightly undersized piece of furniture. She can feel the body heat radiating off of him and it’s a battle of wills to keep from leaning into him. 

“First things first…” Sidra claps her hands as she and Yeojin take a seat on the sofa opposite the troubled couple, “I think now is a good time to mention that Ms. Yeojin here is actually a therapist who specializes in couples therapy.”

Of course she is.

Kamile rolls her eyes as the puzzle pieces start clicking into place. She could be buried under her blankets, binging on The Golden Girls right now, but no, her meddling ass mother has scammed her into marriage counseling instead. She should’ve ran when she had the chance.

“Based on what Sid has told me, the two of you are exactly one week shy of your first wedding anniversary and already on the verge of divorce. So, who would like to dump their emotional baggage on the floor first?” Yeojin glances between Kamile and Mingyu looking for a crack in their demeanor that she can exploit. Mingyu looks like he wants to hurl while Kamile’s face is a carefully constructed mask of indifference. She makes her choice easily.

“Mingyu, thank you for volunteering. Let’s hear it.” 

Put on the spot, Mingyu chances a glance sideways at Kamile before clearing his throat. Yeojin sits at the ready with her notebook and pen. She listens intently as Mingyu tells the fiasco as he sees it.

“I know I forget things sometimes. I try not to, but I’m an idol. I have a lot going on but that’s no different from when we first started dating so I don’t know why it’s suddenly such a big issue now.” Mingyu seems to find his voice as he speaks up on how he believes that he’s been wronged. The timid nervousness he’d felt before quickly getting pushed down so that his frustration can take over.

“When we first started dating, I wasn’t being abandoned in a house all day with nothing to do.” Kamile may have been grumbling under her breath but Mingyu hears her loud and clear. His head whips around so fas that the two mothers across from him silently worry about the neck pain that may cause him later. 

“You have nothing to do because you’ve turned down every opportunity that’s come your way.” Thoughts of the numerous job and consulting offers from Pledis and other entertainment companies like them that she turned down come flying to the forefront of his memory. Human resource agents have practically been beating down their door for the chance to work with Kamile, a creative visionary in her own right, but she’s rejected them one after another without a moment’s hesitation.

“You mean every opportunity that you have sent my way. Like why would I want to work at that entertainment company and be forced to watch that bitch Miyeon flirt with you every day like you’re not married?” Mingyu is forced to concede to her point with that one. Miyeon is one of the stylists at the company and, despite his repeated rejection, is too flirtatious for his liking as well. Unfortunately, she’s deeply entrenched in the corporate hierarchy and nothing short of murder would make the higher ups get rid of her even if all of the members have lodged complaints against her. 

“Is that the simple hoe you come home smelling like every time you’re ‘out with the boys’?” Kamile adds on as if she’s finally started connecting some dots in her overactive imagination. The fact that she has even entertained the thought of Mingyu not only cheating on her but cheating on her with Miyeon of all people makes his blood boil.  

“Why do you think I’m cheating on you? Why do you always just assume the worst about me? Do you think Vernon would ever let me even think about cheating on you? The man hates violence but he would beat my ass over you and we all know that.” The frown on Kamile’s face falters at the mention of her oldest friend. Mingyu is correct in saying that he would absolutely fight him, but there are still some thing that aren’t adding up. Yeojin attempts to halt the conversation so that they can delve deeper into what Mingyu just said but Kamile beats her to the punch. 

“You come home smelling like warm vanilla sugar every night when everybody knows that I am a Japanese cherry blossom supremacist. What am I supposed to think, Mingyu?” She can’t believe that he has the audacity to sit next to her and still lie. The palms of her hands itch with the urge to throw things but she’s done enough of that plus this isn’t exactly her house either.

“Seokmin always sprays us down with some random perfume because he says it keeps the women away and honestly, it actually works like a charm so I’m always first in line to get sprayed.” Kamile’s anger deflates almost immediately. To anyone that doesn’t know Lee Seokmin that would sound like a crock of shit, but it’s perfectly on brand for him.

“Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

“We’re fucking married, Kamile. You could’ve just asked. Better yet you could have come with me to these events like I’ve asked you to do a million times.” 

“You know I hate those things.”

“Everyone hates them, but I would hate them a lot less if I had you there with me. I just feel like I’ve been trying to make an effort but you’re not meeting me halfway.”

“I knew my Gyu Bear wasn’t a cheater!” Sidra, who hasn’t set a word since things had started to get heated, pipes up.

“God, Mom could you at least pretend that you love me more than him?” Kamile throws her hands up in frustration. Her mother’s obvious favoritism is really starting to get to her right now.

“Not until you start giving me less grief.”

“Now, now, Sid. Let’s not derail the progress we’re making here. Kamile, is there anything you’d like to bring to the table?” Yeojin pats her dear friend on the back of her hand to reign her back in. She’d hate to ruin the momentum they got going by having Kamile suddenly switch gears to argue with her mother.

Kamile is only too happy to tell her side of the story as she recounts the events of the night that she decided to leave Mingyu and how it was the tipping point for her. Yeojin listens intently, taking note of the fact that none of the issues that Kamile has with her husband are particularly heinous aside from the debunked cheating suspicions. Each transgression on it’s own wouldn’t be enough to end in divorce, but rather it’s the heaping pile of them that overwhelmed Kamile to the point that she felt she needed to get out.

The more she listens, the clearer it becomes to Yeojin that their marriage is suffering not because they don’t love one another but because they’ve forgotten how to talk to each other which has lead to an unfortunate disconnect. The biggest obstacle is definitely going to be Kamile’s determination to end things. She’s made up her mind and getting her to change her mind is not going to be easy.

“I think I’ve heard everything that I need to hear for today.” Yeojin sets her notepad down on her coffee table, relaxing in her chair a bit before she continues. “The first year in a marriage is usually the hardest, but that seems to have been exacerbated by the fact that the two of you have never lived together before now plus Kamile here has uprooted her entire life and moved to a new country.”

“Saving this marriage is going to take considerable effort on both sides in order to restore the balance you had before you said your vows. Here is what I recommend.”

Yeojin challenges the young couple to separate themselves from their daily lives for the next week and go somewhere remote. A place where it’s just the two of them without any outside influences. Of course, this won’t be just some run of the mill vacation. They’ll have “homework” of sorts that Yeojin will be checking to make sure they complete. Mingyu is all for it but Kamile is much more hesitant. All they’ve done is argue for the past few months and she’d rather not be stuck in a house arguing for two weeks straight. 

“I’ve spent the past year stuck in a house with no outside influences and look at where that’s gotten me. On the verge of a fucking divorce!” Mingyu looks like he has something to say, but Yeojin thankfully stops him before he can rile his wife up any more than she already is. 

“You’re not just going to be ‘stuck in a house’. Think of it like a game of Among Us. The two of you are crewmates and this wall that’s been built between you is the imposter.” Kamile looks at Yeojin as if she’s grown three extra heads. There’s no way she just related this counseling session to a freaking video game. 

“I will also stop bugging you about grandkids for six months if you go.” 

“You should’ve just started there. I’ll go.”

Yeojin claps her hands excitedly. She sounds way too happy to be shipping them off to self-guided marriage boot camp, but Kamile stays silent though that becomes increasingly difficult as her mother’s friends lists out the “tasks” she expects them to complete.

“So here’s the game plan, I want you two to be totally and completely honest with each other as much as possible for the entire time you’re gone. Often times in relationships, both parties will censor themselves as a way to keep the peace but that can be detrimental as it has been for you guys.” Mingyu and Kamile don’t realize it but they both frown simultaneously at the proposal of this honesty idea. Yeojin takes it as a positive sign that they are still in sync on some level. 

“If the thought of doing it all day is too daunting, then start with just one hour. This doesn’t mean that you have to sit and stare at each other for a whole hour and trade statements just act normally but speak honestly. Okay so far?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mingyu casts a glance in Kamile’s direction, fingers twitching with the urge to reach out to her. He’s had to stop himself several times since she arrived and it’s not getting any easier.

While Kamile’s mind is running wild with all of the potential for disaster that an hour of honesty could result in, Yeojin powers on with the rest of her required tasks. On top of separating themselves from society and this so called honest hour, Yeojin has mandated that they share at least one meal together every day with one of them being dinner on their wedding anniversary. Just when Kamile thought that Yeojin couldn’t possibly pile more on, she brings up the “activity days”. Each of them will have to plan some sort of activity for the two of them to do together while they’re away. It could be as big or as small as they want, but it has to be meaningful. Mingyu draws Kamile’s attention when he pulls his phone out of his back pocket to start tapping away on the screen like a mad man.

“You guys have a lot of preparing to do in order to be ready to leave tomorrow so we’ll stop here for today. I’ll be checking in on you daily to assess your progress and offer any guidance you may need.” 

Kamile is out of her chair and halfway to the door before anyone can blink. The room suddenly feels too small as the gravity of what’s about to happen sinks in. She’d convinced herself that she no longer wanted to be married to Mingyu. She was so sure that her run as Mrs. Kim, albeit short as it was, had come to an end, but now she’s been confronted that her main reason for ending things was baseless. This is not how she thought things would go.

Day 1

The drive from the hotel to the home she’s shared with Mingyu for the past year goes way too quickly for Kamile’s liking. Mingyu had texted her about having to go gas up the rental car so he’s nowhere to be seen when Kamile arrives. She sits in the driveway for a few minutes thinking of the memories saturated into the home that looms before her. The memories she had hoped to create. A stray tear slips down her cheek and she swipes at it furiously. She swore that she was done shedding tears over this but they just keep on coming.

Her pity party is interrupted by an unfamiliar SUV pulling into the driveway behind her. Kamile looks in the mirror to see Mingyu getting out of the driver’s seat. She does her best to erase the evidence of her tears, but the look on his face when she opens her own door says that she wasn’t very successful. 

“Are you-”

“I’m fine.” Kamile cuts him off before he can even finish his question. She stalks to the back of her car to start transferring her bags from her car to the behemoth of an SUV behind her.

“I’ll get them.” Mingyu takes the bag she’d already grabbed from Kamile’s hands, motioning to the passenger’s seat. Kamile, no longer in the mood to speak, wordlessly follows his directive and climbs into the SUV.

It takes Mingyu no time at all to load Kamile’s bags into the back with his own. 

“Obviously this is a sign that we should just leave.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to let a lost set of keys stand between me and keeping my marriage.”

“Why do you even care? Why are we even doing this?” Kamile screams. She’s been holding this in for far too long and she can’t take it anymore. 

“For better or for worse.” Mingyu’s face is a mask of carefully controlled fury and it’s giving Kamile pause. She’s never seen him like this before. “We promised each other for better or for worse and yet you’re ready to run for the hills at the first sign of trouble. I’ll admit that I’m not perfect and certainly played a role in why we’re here but I’m willing to put in the work to make it better because those vows meant something to me. I thought they meant something to you too.”

Kamile is incredibly taken aback at Mingyu’s fervent desire to stay married. She didn’t think that he cared that much anymore. Without any further protest, she joins him in the hunt for the elusive key to the front door. Fifteen minutes pass and they are no closer to gaining entry than they were when they first arrived. A rep with the rental company calls as they’re checking the bottom of the flower pots that line the front porch and tells them that the keys were mistakenly put in the mailbox. The same mailbox that sits at the end of the mile long driveway. Kamile makes to get back in the car to drive to the end of the driveway but Mingyu suggests walking it.

“It would be faster in the car.”

“You heard that therapist lady. We’re supposed to be spending time together. What better way to do it than by walking two miles?” Kamile walks back and forth as she considers her options. She can resist which will probably lead to yet another fight or she can just suck it up and walk to the mailbox. With a groan, she makes her decision.

“Fine, but if I get tired you’re carrying me.”

“Anything for you, my lady.” He bows deeply which almost makes Kamile crack a smile. She steels her resolve quickly though and reminds herself not to get caught up in his antics. He’s going to have to do a lot more than make her laugh in order to get out of the dog house.

The walk to the mailbox and back is quiet for the most part. Their footfalls join the hum of the wildlife in the woods that line the driveway on either side, but the jokes and playful jabs that used to fill the air between them is noticeably absent. Neither one is sure of what to say or do around the other anymore. Thankfully, the key is hanging on a hook inside the rather large mailbox.

Mingyu fully expected for Kamile to ask to be carried on the way back. She’s never been a huge fan of physical activity so it doesn’t come as a surprised to him when she starts whining halfway back to the cabin.

“I can’t do it just leave me here with my flower friends. I’ll become one with the forest.” Mingyu wordlessly moves to crouch down in front of her. He’s thankful that she can’t see his face to save himself the embarrassment of having to explain why he’s so excited to carry her for the last half mile to the end of the driveway.

Kamile doesn’t hesitate a single second to climb onto his back, clinging to him like a koala. It’s not lost on either one of them that this is the most physical contact they’ve had with each other in months. She’s wrapped around him tight enough that he doesn’t need to support her thighs, but he does it anyway. No way in hell is going to let this moment pass by without taking full advantage. 

They opt to spend the rest of the day just getting settled in. Yeojin had encouraged them to share a bedroom but Kamile is not down with that. Mingyu is disappointed when she wheels her suitcase into one of the guest bedrooms but he takes solace in the fact that she’s chosen the one right across the master where he’d dropped his things hoping she’d follow. He hopes that at some point in the next few days she’ll finally share a bed with him again. 

Dinner ends up being Thai takeout. Kamile has to admit that she’s impressed when Mingyu is able to rattle off her usual order with practiced ease. There once was a time when they’d get Thai food together all the time, but they’re so far removed from that time that she was sure he’d have forgotten by now. They eat without a single word exchanged before going their separate ways to bed.

Day 2

Mingyu wakes up before the sun despite the fact that he slept all of two hours the night before. His hands are on the verge of trembling from all of the nervous energy coursing through his body. Today is the official first day of marriage bootcamp and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s barely seven so there’s no way that Kamile has even attempted to get out of bed yet. Like a thief in the night, Mingyu creeps down the hall to peek into the bedroom that she had claimed as her own. A small smile graces his face at the cute way she hugs one of the throw pillows to her chest. It falters a little when his brain reminds him that she used to hug him close to her like that and not a pillow, but he shoves that depressing thought away for now. He has work to do.

The smell of bacon rouses Kamile from sleep, luring her down the stairs. She grunts a greeting at the man currently tending to a pan of scrambled eggs as she reaches for the stack of bacon on the counter to his left. Mingyu is quick to swat her hand away before she can secure her bounty.

“The eggs are almost done. Be patient.” Kamile whines at being chastised, scowling at the back of Mingyu’s head with disdain.

In the midst of her grumbling, she finally takes notice of his attire or the lack thereof. Saliva pools in her mouth at the sight of his muscles flexing as he cooks the eggs. Her gaze moves lower to his trim waist and the pair of gray sweatpants hanging from said waist in a way that has no business being as attractive as it is. Her fingers twitch with the urge to slide her hands beneath the waistband of those sweatpants to get at that prize she knows is there but she keeps them to herself.

“Earth to Kamile.” Mingyu chants as he waves a spatula in front of her face. She blinks rapidly, doing her best to clear the thick fog of arousal from her mind. The uncomfortable sensation of her panties sticking to her skin is quickly forgotten when Mingyu holds up a plate peeled high with bacon, eggs, and blueberry pancakes.

“Thanks, Gyu.” Kamile murmurs as she takes the proffered plate and heads for the table. She falters half a step when she realizes that she’s let his nickname slip. She prays that he didn’t notice and if he did, she prays he doesn’t say anything about it.

“Gyu? Haven’t heard that one in a while.” Looks like that prayer went unanswered. The shit eating grin on Mingyu’s face makes her itch. 

“I’m hungry and thankful. Don’t push it.” 

They eat in silence. The only sounds are their forks as they make contact with their plates.  Mingyu is kicking himself in the ass for not saying anything but his brain is short circuiting. Thankfully, the buzzing from the intercom by the front door signaling that someone is at the front gate. It’s the special grocery delivery he’d requested for the first of their planned activity days. 

“What’s all this for?” Kamile asks curiously. She pokes through a few of the bags to see fresh strawberries and a variety of other fruits along with a very large bag of rice cakes.

“I was thinking we could have a picnic today for our first planned activity.” His heart races as he waits for Kamile’s reaction to his idea. She munches on a piece of bacon as she continues to pull things out of bags.

“I dig it.” Mingyu feels weak with relief at his idea being well-received. “Why so many rice cakes though?”

“You’ve been a tteokbeokki fiend since we met. Didn’t see the point in depriving you while we’re here if I could just make it for you.” Kamile groans at the thought. She’s more than capable of feeding her own addiction with the spicy rice cake dish, but she’s never been able to make it as good as Mingyu. Despite the fact that she just ate, she contemplating requesting that he make a batch of it right now.

Mingyu grabs a knife to start chopping up some of the fruit. Kamile takes a seat at the island across from him, propping her chin in her hand as she watches him work. She’s always loved watching him cook almost as much as eating the food he makes. She can’t even remember the last time that she was able to do this. It feels like a lifetime ago. Her eyes with sparkle with fascination watching him prepare the food for their picnic. 

“Open up.” Mingyu holds a strawberry up to her lips and Kamile opens her mouth without hesitation. The berry is perfectly ripe and so juicy that a stream of it runs down her chin. Mingyu reaches out to swipe it away, licking the liquid from his thumb. 

“Tasty.” Kamile squirms in her seat at the way his lips wrap around his thumb. Time for her to make an escape before she does something crazy like fuck her husband in someone else’s kitchen. 

Mingyu watches Kamile hastily retreat with barely concealed glee. He’d thought that she’d stopped being attracted to him, but that is incorrect if the results of the little experiment he’d decided to conduct are to be believed. He smiles to himself as he continues cutting up fruit. There might be hope for them yet.

After agonizing longer than he should have over the best spot to set up their little picnic, Mingyu finally picks a spot. He’s so focused on how best to arrange everything on the blanket that he doesn’t even notice Kamile creeping up behind him. He nearly jumps out of his own skin when she clears her throat much to Kamile’s amusement.

“Did I scare you?” It’s clear to her that she did, but making him admit it is too good for her to pass up. 

“No…maybe.” Kamile hums in response, kneeling across from him on the blanket. “That dress is really pretty on you.”

“Thank you.” She mumbles in response. It’s been so long since she’s heard any sort of praise or compliment from Mingyu that she doesn’t even know how to respond anymore. It almost feels brand new. 

Eager to rid herself of the awkwardness blooming in her chest, Kamile grabs a fork and shoves what she thinks is a potato straight in her mouth. In her haste, she fails to realize that the potato she thought she had is actually an onion. Mingyu doubles over with laughter at the pure disgust painted across Kamile’s face. She desperately wants to spit it out but she was raised to believe that spitting out perfectly good food is only a half step below a sin so she powers through. She chugs one of the glasses of fresh squeezed lemonade on the small tray to her right as Mingyu continues to cackle at her plight. 

“You set me up for failure.” Kamile has hated onions from the womb according to the stories her mother told about the smell of onions making her nauseous for her entire pregnancy. Mingyu must pay for this. 

“I purposely cut them big enough for you to easily pick them out. You weren’t supposed to eat them.” Mingyu defends himself breathily as he tries desperately to stop laughing. Kamile reaches out to punch him in the arm which only serves to make him laugh harder.

Silence falls over them again although, unlike breakfast this morning, they’re able to exchange some small talk here and there. The awkwardness that they’d started off with wanes and wanes until they’re left comfortably enjoying each other’s presence for the first time in a long time. 

Mingyu finds himself unable to take his eyes off of Kamile. He’d meant it when he’d said that the yellow sundress she’s wearing looked pretty on her. It compliments the rich mahogany of her skin as if it was made especially for her. The plethora of curls that he’s always loved are full of life as she bobs her head side to side, one of her many habits that Mingyu has always adored. His chest feels tight with the weight of his love for her. He can’t believe that he nearly let her slip away.

“You’re staring, Mingyu.” Kamile says between bites of the strawberry she’d grabbed. Mingyu opens his mouth to answer when a distant rumble beats him to the punch. 

“Oh shit.” 

The two of them hastily toss the near empty dishes back into the picnic basket. Dark clouds are steadily rolling in with the speed of a bullet train. Just when they think they might be able to make it back into the house, their luck runs out. The rain comes down in sheets, drenching them in seconds. Kamile is so thankful that the lack of pockets on her dress lead to her choosing to leave her phone inside.

Kamile is the worst mood when they finally reach the safety of the house. She just went through the stress and physical exhaustion of wash day two days ago and now she has to do it all over again five days ahead of schedule. 

“Did you not check the fucking weather before you decided to turn us into sitting ducks outside?” She seethes. Mingyu arches a brow in confusion at her sudden mood swing.

“Of course I did. It was supposed to be nothing but sunshine all week.”

“Well, clearly that was a lie but I’ve grown to accept that from you. Now I’ve got to go suffer through wash day ahead of schedule.” Mingyu winces at her words, but he’s nothing if not an opportunist so he chooses to ignore it in favor of jumping on the more important statement Kamile just made. 

“Can I help you with your hair?” He asks as he follows his grumpy wife up the staircase. She pauses outside her room to fix him with a glare.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why? I’ve always helped you with your hair.” In his mind, this isn’t a huge request. The Kamile he knew used to be only too happy to allow him to hand over her hair products for him to do her extensive wash day routine for her. He’d actually gotten so good at it that he’d even started doing her younger sisters’ hair whenever he was in the states to visit.

“I barely know who you are anymore and you expect me to let you touch my hair? Not a chance in hell.” Kamile’s voice climbs in volume until she’s practically yelling. 

The last thing Mingyu wants to do today is fight, but enough is enough. Their screams echo through the spacious house as they go back and forth over Kamile’s mistrust of Mingyu. He doesn’t get it and she thinks it’s incredibly shocking that he doesn’t. Kamile’s phone rings somewhere in the bedroom she has yet to enter, effectively interrupting their spat. She leaves Mingyu in the hallway in favor of answering it and groans out loud when she sees that it’s a FaceTime call from Yeojin. She’d forgotten all about the daily check-ins that the therapist had mentioned she’d be conducting. She goes back out to the hallway and drags Mingyu with her to the staircase so they can get this call over with without ruining the carpet in her room. 

“Hello, love birds! How’s everything going?” Yeojin chirps once the call connects. Her hopeful smile falters slightly when she sees the sour looks on her clients’ faces.

Mingyu is only too happy to give the attentive marriage counselor a full rundown of what was happening before she called. Kamile scowls at him the entire time. To hear him tell it, she’s the bad guy but anyone with common sense would’ve left her alone after she’d made it perfectly clear that she was not in the mood to have a conversation. She can’t wait for Yeojin to drag him therapeutically for not picking up on that. 

“Kamile, what do you think lead to you lashing out like that? The rain was not his fault.” The woman in question is thrown off when the outcome she was expecting doesn’t come to fruition.

“He should’ve checked the weather before deciding to have a picnic outside but that’s neither here nor there. I feel like I made it very clear that I didn’t want to talk to him and yet he kept pressing the issue.” Kamile can’t believe that she has to defend herself. Mingyu is so hasty with responding that it sounds like a keyboard smash is coming out of his mouth.

“I would like to make it known that I did not say one word to you when we came back inside until you started yelling at me.” He looks incredibly smug as he watches Kamile’s mouth open and close as she tries to think of a way to refute his statement. “I would also like to make it known that I have been obsessive about every detail of this picnic and I would have never had it outside if there was even a slight chance that it might rain. Maybe if you had a little more faith in me you could see that.”

“And that brings me to my next point.” Yeojin begins. “We’ve established that the infidelity was a myth, so why do you continue to hold on to that mistrust, Kamile? I want you to really think about it and be completely honest with both us and yourself. I’m not saying that whatever you’re feeling is wrong because you are entitled to feel that way but I think it would be good for the both of you if why you feel that way is better understood.”

The theme of the day continues to be silence as Kamile ponders the question put before her. She’s mature enough to admit that not trusting Mingyu while also admitting that she believes him when he says that he didn’t cheat is contradictory. The root of that contradiction is something she’s been trying to avoid ever since she got roped into that surprise therapy session. Mingyu’s alleged infidelity had been her out. Her escape. She had cut and run on the back of a false truth and that reality is something that’s been hard for her to process. Tears well up in Kamile's eyes as she thinks back to Mingyu’s rant about their wedding vows when they’d first arrived. She’d thought that everything was his fault and being forced to face the truth is difficult. Mingyu’s harsh glare softens as he reaches out to wipe the tears from her face as they start to fall. He sighs when she pulls away from him.

“I can see that I’ve found a sore spot so I won’t press this any further today. We’ll revisit this in the future.” Yeojin gives them some tips on how to better communicate before she ends the call.

Kamile is only too happy to end the call so she can lock herself in her room. She doesn’t even come back out for dinner despite Mingyu all but begging outside of her door. He’s not sure what mental dots she connected when they were talking to Yeojin, but whatever it was seems to have upset her more than he’d originally thought.

A weather alert comes through on Mingyu’s phone as he watches TV downstairs. Apparently the storm that had snuck up on them earlier is part of a much larger system of severe weather that changed course and is expected to hang around the area for the next day or two. His first thought is Kamile. She’s terrified of thunderstorms. Always has been. 

He thinks back to a time before they started dating when Kamile was just Vernon’s pretty American friend that he had a huge crush on. She had come to Korea to visit and insisted on sleeping on the couch despite the fact that everyone tried to give up their room for her. Much like today, a nasty storm rolled in and in her panicked state she had accidentally ended up in his room instead of Vernon’s. The realization had been comical and she’d tried to leave to go to the right room, but a sudden clap of thunder that seemed to shake the whole building sent her diving into his arms where she stayed for the rest of the night. She slept through a thunderstorm for the first time in her life that night. A selfish part of him hopes that this storm brings him the same luck he had all those years ago.

Day 3

Heavy rain beats against the window like a prize fighter while thunder rattles Kamile’s brain until she feels like screaming. There aren’t many things that strike true fear in her heart, but thunderstorms are definitely somewhere in the top five things on that list. She’s got her headphones in and her music blasting, but it does very little to drown out the war going on outside. She rips the blankets from her body and makes for the bedroom door to go get in bed with Mingyu but like the fifty other times she’s attempted to do that she stops herself in the hallway. The door shuts with a soft click as she seals herself back in her own personal hell. 

Kamile jolts awake not even aware of when she had even managed to fall asleep. Sweat has glued her clothes to her skin and it’s making her skin crawl the longer she lays there. She groans aloud when she hears the rain still beating against the window pane. The alarm clock on the nightstand says that it’s just barely six in the morning which means it’s been exactly one hour since she apparently passed out from exhaustion. A rumble off in the distance lets her know that she probably won’t be getting more sleep any time soon so she drags herself to the bathroom for a shower. 

Freshly showered and in desperate need of caffeine, Kamile makes for the kitchen. Mingyu’s bare back comes into view for the second consecutive morning when she rounds the corner. His hair is sticking up in odd directions and he looks to be five seconds from falling asleep standing up as he stabs at the buttons on the coffee maker.

“Why are you up so early?”

“You need coffee.” He replies with a yawn.

“Yeah, but I can make it myself. You didn’t need to lose sleep to make me coffee.” She protests. Mingyu turns to glare at her until Kamile raises her hands in surrender.

“If you’re up, I’m up.” Kamile shakes her head at him as she pulls two mugs out of the cabinet. No sense in arguing with him when he’s clearly made up his mind about suffering.

The two of them sit in silence side by side, sipping their coffee, and staring out the window watching Mother Nature do her thing. Out of habit, Kamile leans over to rest her head on MIngyu’s shoulder. She stiffens when she realizes what she’s doing. Mingyu holds his breath. Scared that if he makes any sudden movements the bubble will burst and she’ll move away from him. She surprises the both of them when she lets the tension drain from her shoulders instead, relaxing into him.

“I’m sorry.” Kamile whispers into the void. If Mingyu wasn’t so acutely focused on her every move, he probably wouldn’t have even heard it over the wind. 

“Me too.” He turns his head to softly kiss the top of her head, taking a moment to inhale the familiar scent of her hair products. He never knew it was possible to miss a singular smell so much.

They’ve exchanged exactly four words since they sat down at the table, but they mean so much. There’s a near palpable shift in the air. Like a switch has flipped. An unspoken truce between them that they are in this together. Kamile lifts her head to finish her coffee and Mingyu immediately misses the weight of her head on his shoulder.

“Did you ever finish watching The Originals?” Kamile asks before downing the last of her coffee.

“No, it was kind of our thing so I haven’t watched it since we stopped watching it together.” She hums in response.

“Well, it looks like we’re going to be stuck in this house all day so we may as well pick up where we left off.” Mingyu nearly chokes on his coffee. He can’t even remember the last time Kamile willingly suggested that they spend time together. He pinches himself to make sure he’s not dreaming which she rolls her eyes at. 

“Come on. You’re in charge of snacks.”

For the next eight hours, their butts are glued to the couch. They only get up to use the bathroom and replenish their snack pile. They’ve spent so much of their time arguing that Kamile had forgotten how much she loved just being with Mingyu. Klaus is about to rain down hellfire on some of his enemies when Mingyu’s phone vibrates in the pocket of his sweatpants. Kamile can feel it against her own thigh and it’s only then that she realizes the way that they’ve gravitated towards each other over the course of the day. If she were to get any closer to him, she’d be sitting in his lap. Mingyu had intended to ignore the call, thinking it might be someone from the company despite his strict instructions not to contact him, but he answers it instead when he sees that it’s Yeojin. 

“Well don’t you two look cozy. I was planning to pick up where we left off yesterday, but I’d rather talk about this first.” Yeojin looks entirely too smug as she brings attention to the lack of space between the two of them. Mingyu half expects Kamile to scoot away from him now that it’s been pointed out just how close they are, but she stays put. 

“Can’t a girl just sit next to her husband without being questioned to death?” Kamile asks playfully. Yeojin chuckles and moves on with their daily check in. 

“Fine, fine I’ll leave it alone. Let’s get down to business. Mingyu we didn’t get to hear from you a lot yesterday so I’d like to get into how you felt when Kamile left. What was that like for you?” Yeojin rests her chin on her hand as she waits to see what’s going to come out of the box of emotions she just opened. 

Mingyu briefly realizes that this is the first time he’s talked about that day to anyone as he recounts that dark morning like the nightmare it was. Kamile listens in stunned silence while he tells his story. After seeing the bags under his eyes at Yeojin’s house, she’d figured that he’d suffered just like she had, but she’d never imagined that waking up to find her rings and the note she’d left had affected him to the extent that it did. The guilt that’s been festering in her gut increases tenfold at the thought of him heaving into the toilet.

“I knew things weren’t the greatest but I truly did believe that we were strong enough to get through whatever. Divorce never crossed my mind even once so it killed me to know that it had not only crossed her mind but became a viable option that she ran with. I get why she thought that was the best option now, but then it felt like I’d been blindsided.” Mingyu explains. His words are laced with the hurt that he’s been keeping to himself. Kamile picks at the words screen printed down one of the legs of her sweatpants wishing that a hold would open beneath her and swallow her up. She’s never felt so low.

“Kamile, I see you’re getting emotional. What are you feeling right now?” Yeojin gently pries. Mingyu pulls Kamile into him as his own emotions start getting the better of him. Yeojin is pleased to note that, unlike yesterday, Kamile doesn’t snatch away from him. 

“I was so focused on how unhappy I was that I didn’t consider anything else. It was all about me, me, me.” Kamile stares off into space as she opens up. She’s never talked about this with anyone but her best friends. In hindsight, they might not be sitting where they are right if she’d just talked to Mingyu about it ages ago but then again hindsight is always 20/20. “I visited Korea plenty of times when we were dating, but living here as the black wife of an idol has been so hard. Being from America, I’m used to people treating me different because of my skin color but when people feel entitled to be so invasive about it because of who I’m married to…it’s different.”

Mingyu’s jaw is on the floor as he listens to the struggles that his wife was having right under his nose and he never knew. He noticed that she’d become more withdrawn and hostile but he could never figure out why and she wouldn’t tell him when he asked. It comes as no surprise to him now that she stopped going outside. He can’t exactly blame her. Seventeen is going on their eighth year so Mingyu is a seasoned veteran at ignoring the things people say on the internet. Unfortunately, Kamile didn’t have that luxury. His stomach turns at the tales of her being approached on the street by people who wrongly called themselves fans thinking they were protecting him. The racist comments made about her online. She was suffering and he just let it go on thinking that she was just being moody.

“Do you think that caused you to develop a little resentment for Mingyu and his idol status?” 

Kamile’s first instinct is to say no, but given that they are supposed to be as honest possible she tamps down the lie before it can slip out. She did resent that she’d fallen for someone with such great public notoriety sometimes. It was different when she was just one of Vernon’s childhood friends. The general public didn’t really care what she did from day to day, but now one wrong move turns her into a trending topic and she doesn’t know how to handle it. There are days that she wishes that Mingyu was just a normal person, but then they would have never met and that’s not a reality she truly wants to live in despite her feelings towards him when she walked out. 

“Maybe a little bit but I know we’d have never met if he wasn’t Mingyu from Seventeen so it’s pointless really.” 

They talk with Yeojin a little while longer before she has to go to her next appointment. The air between them is heavy with the weight of the secrets that have come to light. It’s a stifling atmosphere and it’s beginning to drive Kamile insane. She reaches for the remote to restart their show, but Mingyu takes it from her.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” His eyes are misty as he struggles to hold himself back from crying once more. He could kick himself for not doing his best to shield her from the people that had killed her spirit.

“You’re already so busy and the last thing I wanted to do was add to everything else on your plate.” Mingyu wants to scream. She means more to him than being an idol. She always has. He cups her face in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers. 

“Promise me that you won’t hold stuff inside like that anymore and I promise to be better at not letting you. Deal?”

“Deal.” Kamile’s eyes flutter closed as Mingyu pulls away to press his lips to her forehead. 

He clears his throat before grabbing the remote to resume their show. For the next few hours, conversation is limited to the messy lives of the supernatural beings on the screen before them. The wind still howls. The rain is unceasing. Yet in the little bubble of Netflix and snacks that they’ve created, it may as well not even exist. 

Until bedtime that is.

“You know,” Mingyu says as they file up the stairs. The seemingly ever present bad weather still continues, “…you don’t have to sleep alone. I know you don’t like storms.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” It would be so easy to take him up on his offer. She could finally get some sleep, but for whatever reason she can’t bring herself to do it.

“Well you know where I am if you change your mind. Good night, Kamile.”

“Good night, Mingyu.”

Kamile stares at the ceiling in despair. She didn’t think it was possible for the storm to get worse but apparently Mother Nature took that as a challenge. She’s starting to genuinely concerned about whether or not the window by her bed can withstand the force of the weather it’s being forced to deal with. Kamile contemplates running to Mingyu’s room but shuts that idea down for the millionth time. Things feel...different between them after today’s call with Yeojin but she’s not sure if they’ve been different enough to justify hopping into bed with him quite yet. 

“This is fine. I don’t need to sleep.” She whispers into the void. 

She’s accepted her fate and made peace with it. Or at least that’s what she thought she’d done. A crack of lighting illuminates the room despite the blackout curtains over the window followed by a thunderous boom so loud it seems to vibrate her very being. Kamile is across the hall before she even has the time to process what she’s doing. Mingyu is out cold when she bursts into the room. Her brain chooses that moment to catch up to what she’s doing and flips on the switch of self-consciousness. Another loud boom has her throwing caution to the wind once more, sliding beneath the blanket to get as close to him as possible without waking him up. 

Kamile lays next to him a trembling anxious mess as the storm rages on. She’s so consumed by her own fear that she doesn’t even notice the man next to her has roused from sleep until he’s wrapped both of his arms around her to pull her into his warm chest. It’s as if the environmental warfare outside ceases to exist the second Kamile’s cheek makes contact with Mingyu’s skin. His presence drowns everything out just like it did all those years ago. The sleep that had been evading her comes quickly in his embrace. 

Day 4

A ray of sunlight shines perfectly through a crack in the curtain to hit Kamile square in the face. She squirms around trying to escape it and gets a frustrated groan in response. It’s then that she registers the weight of the arm that rests loosely across her midsection. The memory of running to Mingyu’s bed in the middle of the night comes rushing back to her. Her first instinct is to bolt, but she’s so touch starved that she finds herself turning in his hold in a bid to get closer. 

“Good morning.” Mingyu grunts something in response that she’s sure he thought sounded like good morning.

He slots one of his legs between hers and unintentionally allows her to feel the morning wood barely contained by his boxer briefs. Mingyu’s even breathing indicates that he’s fallen back asleep. Kamile would love to do the same but all of her attention is laser focused on the hardened appendage intimately pressed against her upper thigh. A damp spot has already started forming in her panties. She needs to get out of this bed now. Kamile squirms and wiggles around trying to get away, but it would seem that her efforts are having the opposite effect. A throaty groan slips from Mingyu’s lips.

“Stop moving.” He mumbles still half asleep. Kamile does her best to stop fidgeting and focus her attention elsewhere, but it’s not working. Her inner muscles clench around nothing as thoughts of what Mingyu could do to her dance dangerously through her mind. 

“I have to pee.” Mingyu cracks one eye open. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that he doesn’t believe her for a second but he releases her anyway. He sighs as he watches her run off to the en suite bathroom. 

Mingyu is noticeably absent when Kamile emerges from the bathroom fresh off a rushed orgasm though hardly sated. She follows the scent of coffee downstairs to find Mingyu bent over digging through one of the crisper drawers in the refrigerator. Back before everything went to shit she would’ve slapped his ass with glee and run away before he could exact his revenge. Good times.

“Did you hear what I said?” Kamile was so focused on his ass that she hadn’t even registered the fact that Mingyu had said anything.

“Huh?”

“I said do you want to get in the hot tub later since we can go outside now?” He repeats as he hands over a cup of coffee already milky and sweet the way she likes it.

“It’s almost 80 degrees outside and you want to get in a hot tub?” She questions slowly to which Mingyu responds with an emphatic yes. “Be honest. Are you just trying to see me in a bikini?”

“Absolutely.” He giggles when Kamile reaches out to smack him on the arm. “Why are you attacking me? Yeojin said we have to be honest at all times.” 

“I don’t think that included being a horny little shit.”

“I’m a man with eyes and a hot wife. I can’t help.” Despite the compliment, Kamile’s mood sours at his words. Mingyu’s freshly honed observation skills picks up on it immediately.

“Uh oh, did I say something wrong?”

“If I’m so hot, then why haven’t we had sex in four months? We used to go at it like rabbits and then one day you just stopped initiating things.” 

Mingyu is quick to point out that he did try to have sex with her plenty of times, but she pushed him away. Eventually, he gave up. It’s almost funny when the dots start connecting in her head. Her personal struggles had originally been why she denied him sex, but then he’d started coming home doused in perfume so she really didn’t want anything to do with him then. Mingyu has never been a very pushy person so he figured he’d just wait her out. He didn’t think that he’d end up in a four month dry spell (and counting), but he was also not about to look for satisfaction outside of his marriage either. 

“How about we save this sex talk until after I’m finished cooking? All of the blood in my body is rushing south and these rice cakes are starting to look like nipples.” Kamile nearly chokes on the water she’d just taken a sip of. Tears pour from her eyes as her body can’t decide if it wants to laugh or die of asphyxiation. 

“Woah, woah! When we said till death do us part I was hoping we’d be farting dust not barely 26.” Kamile is sure that he wants her dead now as her internal war between laughing and choking only gets worse. 

Despite her earlier protests, Kamile finds herself seated across from Mingyu in the hot tub later that evening as they watch the sun set. She fully expects him to try something from the way his eyes keep drifting south to stare at her chest, but he’s on his best behavior the entire time. 

Day 5

“Hello, love birds! I missed you two yesterday. What happened?” Yeojin looks hesitant almost as if she’s scared of their answer. She looks downright relieved to hear that they missed her call because they fell asleep cuddling on the couch. After getting a run down of everything that’s happened since they last spoke, she encourages them to continue sleeping in the same bed together. 

“Couples often downplay the amount of good that just being physically close to your partner can be. If you’re both comfortable sleeping next to each other without a thunderstorm being the driving force, please keep doing it.” Yeojin pleads before ending the call to go to her next appointment. 

Her words hang in the air even after she’s gone. Mingyu looks over at Kamile with a questioning look on his face. It’s clear that he’s after her opinion on this whole shared bed situation, but Kamile doesn’t have much to say on the matter. The two of them have been pretty much inseparable during the day now, but she’s still nervous about sleeping in the same bed together and she doesn’t know how to shake that feeling. She was too scared to think about it last night but without the weather to distract her she’s not so sure if sit’s a good idea.

“What’s going on in there?” Mingyu taps a finger against Kamile’s temple to get her attention. She shakes her head but he’s got a feeling it’s about what Yeojin’s bed sharing idea.

“If this is about sharing a bed, don’t worry about. You’ve got the rest of the day to decide.” She nods in acknowledgement of his point but Mingyu can tell that the gears in her head are turning even faster than before. Her overthinking is going to give her a headache.

Night time comes entirely too quickly for Kamile’s liking. Mingyu has kept her so busy that she hasn’t had the time to sit down to sort through her thoughts. Knowing him, he probably did that on purpose. He always hated her habit of overthinking everything, preferring to live in the moment and make decisions as they arose. Kamile has never had much success doing that which is why they work so well together. He balances her out and helps her weed out the important aspects of the topic at hand to make faster decisions. 

Her mind is racing as they climb the stairs on their way to bed. Mingyu stops at the door to his bedroom and looks at her with such hope on his face that she almost feels guilty for what she’s about to say. His face falls when Kamile tells him that she thinks it’s better for them to sleep in their own respective rooms tonight. Mingyu is a good sport about it, bidding her good night with a lingering kiss to her forehead. 

Falling asleep has never been a problem for Mingyu which is why he’s utterly confused when he’s still wide awake three hours after getting into bed. He’s in danger of pulling the sheets off of the mattress on one side from how much he’s been tossing and turning. 

This is bullshit. I’ve been sleeping fine every night. What’s the difference now?

Mingyu sits up to fluff his pillows. It doesn’t help. He kicks the ceiling fan up a notch. That doesn’t help either. He counts sheep, ducks, and even cows, but nothing is working. The longer he tries to avoid the obvious the more awake he seems to be. Sleeping in the guest room most nights to avoid arguing had taught him to sleep alone. Now that he knows what it’s like to hold her again, he’s ruined. He wonders briefly if Kamile is awake too. Is she just as restless too? 

He tosses and turns for the better part of another hour. The clock on his phone says that 3 a.m is quickly approaching and Mingyu caves. It takes less than ten seconds to cross the hall to her room, but practicing his explanation as to why he’s in her room at ass o’clock in the morning takes much longer. He knocks twice and pokes his head in.

“Kam?”

“You can’t sleep either, huh?” She asks without even turning to look at the man poking his head into her bedroom. 

Mingyu nearly collapses from sheer relief when Kamile simply reaches behind herself to lift the blankets after he confirms that he’s been unable to fall asleep just like her. He wastes no time sliding in behind her. Before he can even get it out of his mouth to ask, Kamile reaches back to find his arm, pulling it across her waist. 

“Good night, Gyu.” Kamile whispers. Her words are slurred as if she’s already half asleep. Mingyu kisses her shoulder, letting his lips linger against her skin.

“Good night, Kam.”

Day 6

A feather light touch to her lower lip is what prompts Kamile to open her eyes long before she’s ready. She pulls back slightly once her vision clears and she realizes just how close Mingyu’s face is to her own. He even has the audacity to laugh at her surprise.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d wake up.” He’s not sure how long he’s been watching her sleep, but he’d do it for the rest of his days. The pesky organ in his chest skips a beat as he holds Kamile’s gaze like a lifeline. He mulls over his next words very carefully, preparing for a possible rejection just as he did when he came to her room in the middle of night. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please do.” She whispers into the inch of space that separates them. 

Mingyu closed the gap slowly as if he’s giving her time to change her mind. Kamile sighs when his lips finally touch hers. One of his hands comes up to untie the silk scarf tied protectively around her head so that he can bury his hand in the curls he’s always been obsessed with. He uses his grip on her to guide her head as he deepens the kiss. 

She rolls onto her back and pulls him with her so that his much larger frame nearly covers hers entirely. Mingyu lets his primal instincts take over. Too lost in the way her lips are moving against his own. A groan rattles his chest when she squirms beneath him until his hips are situated between her thighs. The thin fabric of their respective underwear are the only barriers separating his aching erection from the place she needs him most. He can’t resist the urge to grind himself against her. If his brain wasn’t so clouded in lust, he’d probably have the mental capacity to feel a little embarrassed at just how quickly he’s risen to full mast. Kamile is floating somewhere beyond cloud nine when Mingyu’s hand that had been cradling her head moves to lightly grip her throat instead while the other rhythmically squeezes and pushes at her ass in time with his thrusts. Her head is tipped back in ecstasy as he kisses along her jaw.

It takes a herculean effort that he wasn’t totally sure he was even capable of, but Mingyu separates himself from the panting woman in his arms. He rocks back on his heels and Kamile’s eyes are immediately drawn to the tantalizing bulge at the apex of his shapely thighs. She reaches for him but Mingyu grabs her wrist before she can get her hands on him. He lifts her hand to his lips, pressing kisses to the back of it.

“Trust me when I say that I would love nothing more than to ravage you right now but if I’m going to be inside you again, I want you to have my ring on your finger.” Kamile starts to speak but stops when Mingyu presses his index finger to her lips. He traces the outline of her kiss swollen lips almost as if he’s in a trance. “I don’t want you to make a decision that you’re not totally comfortable with just because you’re horny. I want you to really want it. I want you to really want us. Now get up so I can feed you.”

A vulgar comment about what she really wants him to feed her crosses Kamile’s mind as Mingyu playfully swats at her thighs to get her moving. She respects his resolve and keeps it to herself but only barely. 

“It’s super nice outside. Wanna go for a walk?” Kamile would actually rather stay inside and enjoy the comforts of the air-conditioning, but Mingyu looks so excited that she finds herself giving in. She disappears upstairs to put on her sneakers mentally kicking herself for being so whipped for the man waiting for her by the patio door.

Mingyu laces his fingers between Kamile’s

They happen across a small stream during their casual stroll around the property. Kamile stops to look at Mingyu to see if he’s on the same wavelength as her. 

“Let’s do it.” 

Their shoes are abandoned under a tree near the creek before running full speed into the water.  The cooler temperature of the water feels like heaven. Kamile squeals when Mingyu splashes her with water. Mingyu suddenly lifts her over his shoulder, using the hand that’s not holding on to her to splash Kamile with more water. She’s out of breath from laughing when he finally lets her down only to steal the rest of her breath away when he surprises her with a kiss. 

“What was that for?” She’s slightly dazed both from the lack of oxygen and the searing kiss he’s just laid on her.

“Because.” He smirks at her before swooping in for yet another kiss.

“And that one?”

“Because part two.” Kamile giggles at his corniness even though she does her best not to give him the satisfaction of knowing it gets to her. Mingyu’s smile somehow gets even bigger at the sound of her laughter. He digs his fingers into his sides to prolong her laughter for his own enjoyment. 

They spend a little longer frolicking around before finally heading back to the house to shower and start on dinner. Kamile unsuccessfully lobbies to shower together but Mingyu is adamant in his refusal. He’s positive that the self-control he exhibited earlier that morning used up all the restraint he could’ve ever hoped to have for the next six months. There’s no way he’d be able to deny her. He kisses her quickly before running off to his own bathroom. 

Mingyu is totally and completely in love. He absentmindedly pushes his food around with his fork as he listens to Kamile rant about the mistreatment and near erasure of some X-Men character named Darwin. He’s got absolutely no idea what she’s talking about but she’s so passionate about it that he can’t help being fascinated. 

“Darwin’s whole entire superpower was that he could adapt to anything and you mean to tell me that robots designed to adapt to and counteract the powers of mutants were built off of Mystique’s DNA? Absolutely not. I might be a little-” Her rant is cut short by her phone ringing on the kitchen counter where she’d left it. She grumbles about being interrupted as she gets up to go get it. It’s Yeojin. 

Kamile returns to the table with her phone, choosing to sit in Mingyu’s lap for their daily check-in. The marriage counselor should get a kick out of that one. Sure enough, their seating arrangement is the first thing that Yeojin comments on. They take turns updating her on everything that’s occurred since they last spoke with her though they leave out some of the more sordid details. 

“This is what I like to hear!” She exclaims with an excited clap of her hands. “It seems that everything is going well right now. Is there anything we haven’t talked about this week that one of you wants to go over? If not, I’m comfortable ending the call here.” They say their goodbyes after confirming that they feel like they’re in a good place right now. Yeojin makes them swear to call her the moment they think they need her but she doubts that she’ll be hearing from them  until their follow-up appointment in a few days. 

Kamile makes to get up to return to her own chair but Mingyu stops her. She shrugs and reaches across the table to grab her own bowl. He smiles to himself as she resumes the rant that she’d been in the middle of before Yeojin’s call. He still has no idea what she’s going on about but he’s content to just listen to her vent. 

Day 7

Anxiety twisting her gut into knots is what eventually pulls Kamile from the bliss of sleep. Mingyu’s side of the bed is empty and she’s thankful for that to a certain extent. She heads for the shower, taking extra care with everything she does until she realizes how cowardly it is to stall like this. Deciding against putting on actual clothes, Kamile opts to just pull on one of oversized hoodies.

“Good morning!” Mingyu leans over to kiss her sweetly before turning back to the pan he’s tending to on the stove. He’s been doing that a lot since yesterday. Just randomly stealing kisses like he’s making up for lost time. 

“Just so you don’t get freaked out when they show up, I’ve got a private chef coming to cook us dinner tonight.” Mingyu mentions as they sit down to eat breakfast. She’s pleasantly surprised that he’s put in so much thought into their anniversary even though he’s yet to directly mention the fact that today is their anniversary. 

Today is their last day in their little safe haven away from the world and the status of their marriage is still technically up in the air. They both know that a decision needs to be made before they leave in the morning, but neither of them has brought it up. It’s like they’ve been tip toeing around the giant elephant in the room and expecting for it to just disappear on its own. 

Other than Mingyu making tteokbeokki, extra spicy and extra cheesy just the way Kamile likes it, they don’t really do much throughout the day. A majority of their time is spent tangled in each other on the couch just talking. They reminisce on the days when they’d first started dating. Kamile nearly falls off of the couch in a fit of laughter at Mingyu’s spot on impression of Vernon’s face when he’d caught them sneaking a few kisses in the dorm kitchen one day. Each memory is sweeter than the last and Kamile is overcome with the urge to make more of those memories. Now that she’s been able to let go of the anger and misplaced resentment that had made her bitter, she actually has hope in that possibility.

The heels of the platform pumps she’d decided on for the night click with every step as Kamile slowly descends the staircase. She’s determined not to let her natural clumsiness send her to the hospital on such an important day. Mingyu holds his hand out to her when she reaches the last few steps. He looks every bit the international superstar that he’s known to be.

“You look absolutely stunning.” Warmth spreads across her face at the whispered compliment. She barely manages to return the favor. Kamile’s nerves are starting to get the better of her and she hopes and prays that there’s wine on the table so that she can drink them away.

Thankfully, Kamile notices a bottle of white wine chilling in an ice bucket next to the table when Mingyu leads her into the dim dining room. The dinner prepared by the chef looks delicious and she’s can’t wait to taste it but wine is her first priority if she expects to make it through dinner without bolting. Her first glass is tipped down her throat in record time much to Mingyu’s amusement. He refills without hesitation though she chooses to actually sip that one as intended.

Conversation flows easily between them as they eat. However, the topic that deserves their attention the most continues to stew on the back burner as they talk about literally anything else. As nervous as Kamile was when she first came downstairs, Mingyu is doubly so. He’s done his almighty best to convince Kamile that their marriage is worth saving without outright begging her. Based on the past few days, he’s incredibly hopeful that she’ll come back home with him tomorrow and stay there but she’s always been a wildcard. You never truly knew what move she was going to make until she made it. The small velvet box in his pocket feels like a stone. During a lull in the conversation, Mingyu makes his move.

“Kamile,” He reaches across the table to grab both of her hands, “Four years ago you agreed to be my girlfriend and I thought that surely that was the happiest day of my life but then you said yes to being my wife and I knew then that I was wrong. You’re the most precious part of my life and I was a fool for not making sure that you knew that every day for the last year.”

Mingyu pauses to get down on one knee next to Kamile, pulling the ring box from his pocket. Her ring is nestled in the tiny velvet box. It sparkles brilliantly even in the dim lighting. “Kamile Kim, will you do me the honor of staying my wife?” 

Tears well up in Kamile’s eyes as she nods her head yes. She’d made countless lists and weighed her options, but in that moment she throws all of that logic to the wind. At the end of the day, Mingyu is the one. He always has been and he always will be. She can’t believe that she almost threw everything away over her own assumptions and insecurities. Mingyu doesn’t hesitate to slide the piece of jewelry onto her trembling hand when she holds it out to him. He stands, pulling her with him so that he can kiss her senseless. 

“I’ve been waiting to say this until I knew where we stood but….happy anniversary, babe.”

“Happy anniversary, Gyu.” She whispers against his lips before kissing him deeply once more. “Now take me upstairs.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” 

[muselin]

Mood board for my Ken (VIXX) fic “Hide Me, Take Me”. My contribution to the Intimacy Anthology Project: https://kpopanthologyprojects.tumblr.com/post/630110166945316864/the-intimacy-anthology-directory 

[boymeetsweevil]

Masterlist

who says i love you first

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, 1336w Your tiny existential crisis + Namjoon during bedtime

welcome to my channel (KNJ)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 659w “5k Sub! Unisex Brow Grooming Tutorial feat. Joon :)”

baby genius**

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, ~2300w “In which you’re very smart and Namjoon has a tiny garter belt fetish”

dead man sells no toes**

Witch!Reader, Halloweentown AU, ~5200w “Your thoughts have a mind of their own when it comes to the cute delivery human with the mysterious tattoos”

call me maybe*

Idol-AU (kinda), club meet-cute AU, ~6600w

At first you were just trying to get some free drinks out of some guy at the bar, but then it becomes a lot more

warm fuzzies*

Non-Idol AU, slice of life, ~6200w “In which Jjangu AND his owner, Kim Seokjin, fall for you”

welcome to my channel (KSJ)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 1208w “Dyeing @Eat_Jin ‘s hair and avocado mask DIY :)))”

hell’s kitchen

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, ‘crack’, ~2200w “It’s Jin’s birthday and it’s a hot ass mess because you can’t keep a secret”

and wrapped your arms around my neck** (req)

established relationship AU, part vampire!Seokjin, pwp, ~2000w “Vamp!Jin if you squint and then close your eyes entirely, this is 90% just sex yall”

punch drunk love*

Non-Idol AU, friends to lovers, 1742w Emotional constipation means sometimes you have to beat emotions out. Or, in this case, finger-flick them out.

welcome to my channel (MYG)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 626w “New M.A.C lip tints feat. my roommate :)”

the min booty diaries** (req) - 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Idol AU, body/self-esteem issues

“Join Min Yoongi on his journey to becoming an ass man OR ~5 instances in which Yoongi realized he had a serious thing for your ass”

ode to wine

Idol AU, establised relationship AU, 900w

“A moment alone with Yoongi after the award show has come and gone”

off the deep end**

Mermaid!Yoongi, College AU, interspecies canoodling, a bit angsty, ~17,500w

“Your new mermaid friend, Yoongi, helps you navigate the treacherous waters of love, sex, and National Geographic.”

bump and grind*

Idol AU, BH employee!Reader, ~3000w

“If someone told you that months after getting hired by BigHit to translate and subtitle VLive videos you would be at an idol’s birthday party with your ass pressed firmly against Jung Hoseok’s crotch, you wouldn’t have believed them.”

welcome to my channel (JHS)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 1164w

“Unisex nail care routine feat. Hobi and red wine ;)”

who’s your favorite**

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, misbehaving in a Chili’s, ~1400w

“If you ask the man himself, it takes a half a year of going to a shitty family restaurant after work on Fridays for Hoseok to become your favorite. In reality, though, he just didn’t get the joke. OR

‘I give you dick. Good dick!’”

cover you in constellations

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, 987w

“Happy birthday to Jung Hoseok, the most beautiful”

hoping for the best**

Non-Idol AU, Lifeguards!Reader and Hoseok, friends to enemies to friends to lovers, ~24,300w

“He knows you two are linked though. You must know it too. It’s impossible to deny when you both reach climax at the same time during your first time, the breath leaving him like you knocked it out and your eyes rolling into the back of your head like he scratched stars there for only you to see.”

sleeping bags (and other unconventional cures for insomnia) (req)

Non-Idol AU, College AU, enemies to more than friends, ~2500w

Based off the prompt “snowed in with your enemy at a ski resort”

watch yourself**

Non-Idol AU, Dressing room Attendant!Hoseok, exhibitionist!Hoseok, ~7770w

“It starts with an invitation from your ex. It ends with Hoseok’s hands down your pants in said ex’s kitchen”

mistletoe

Non-Idol AU, friends to lovers, Christmas AU?, ~3300w

“Jimin just can’t seem to get a moment alone with you at this christmas party, and you just can’t seem to stop baking…”

welcome to my channel (PJM)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 1093w

“Drugstore Haul plus mini Sephora Haul and Surprise :)”

blue, not blanc** (req)

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, pwp, ~4500w

Based off the prompt: ‘can u do a jimin smut where he has a thing for panties’

me, you, and this thing we have between us** (req)

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, pwp, ~3700w

You’re pregnant and jimin is…happy about it

slippery slopes ahead** (req)

Non-Idol AU, College AU, established relationship AU, pwp, ~6600w

“‘Look at you,’ he coos. ‘All this time I thought you were shy.’”

childhood bestie (bullet)

Non-Idol Au, Childhood Besties!Reader and Taehyung, 943w

what it would be like if you and taehyung’s moms were bffs, so you and taehyung were bffs from birth

welcome to my channel (KTH)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 667w

“Using Tom Ford Luna highlighters on my neighbor ;)”

a day in the life

Non-Idol AU, College AU, Roommates!Reader and Taehyung, slice of life, ~1900w

“A typical day living with Kim Taehyung consists of constant fights for the blanket and watching him steal your crop tops”

cougar** - 1, 2

Non-Idol AU, College AU, (slightly) Older!Reader, ~1400w + ~4700w

“…guys like him give off two very conflicting vibes. The first says ‘Wow, look at this handsome young man, I hope my kids are that beautiful’. The second says, ‘Wow, I want to have his kids’”

hectic halloween

Non-Idol AU, College AU, Best friends!Reader and Taehyung, language, ~1400w

Tae invites you to a Playboy™️ themed halloween party and a wardrobe malfuction of sorts occurs.

breathe you in** (req)

Popstar!Reader, Non-Idol!Taehyung, exes to lovers, ~7800w

Based on the prompt: Can I pls request an ex lovers trope with taehyung where you broke up with him , but he shows you he loves you and was never over you and wants to be together again? Thanks!

(welcome to) camp lonely heart**

Camp Counselors!Reader and Taehyung, fun with walkie talkies, friends to lovers, ~15,600w

It’s possible to find love in all sorts of places: In bars, in school, on apps. But what about through a walkie talkie?

heat index**

Non-Idol AU, established relationship AU, pwp, 2700w

“The town being in a heat wave puts Tae’s in a bit of a love drought. But even still, he makes do and (kind of) does you”

blood of the covenant* (to be rebooted) - 1, 2

Vampire!Reader, Human!Jungkook, College AU, Post-Apocalyptic(?) AU, 3476w+ ~3700w

“You’re an unregistered vampire trying your hardest to save up enough to go to school by working long hours and giving up meals. Unfortunately, the local university refuses to enroll starving vampires like yourself because they’re seen as threats. Desperate to get in, you take up Jeon Jungkook’s shady offer to help”

welcome to my channel (JJK)

Non-Idol AU, Youtuber!Reader, 1038w

“Cutting Men’s hair and talking about life feat. Kook :)”

blind!reader* (req)

Non-Idol AU, Blind!Reader, College AU, 4422w

Based off the prompt: Hi! I have a bts request! so the "prompt" is y/n were love at first sight for him, but y/n's life motto is "love is blind" because y/n is actually blind. this is just for fun, but I'd really like to read your take on it!! you can pick any of the boys. :)

for science**

Non-Idol AU, College AU, Nerd!Jungkook, very dramatic 

“Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.”

The most magical place in hell (req)

Takes place somewhere after the events of FS, the gang goes on vacation...

bts as types of drunks

Non-Idol AU (?), the chaotic seven, 2073w

the seven chaotic drunks™️ embodied

bts as types of (weird) babies in your daycare

Pre-school teacher!Reader, Babies!BTS, 4610w

the seven chaotic babies™️ embodied

bts as types of boyfriends

Non-Idol AU (?), the chaotic seven, ~3295w

the seven chaotic boyfriends™️ embodied

sweetstupid moments with bts

Non-Idol AU (?), the chaotic seven, ~2054w

More boyfriend shenanigans

sleepovers with sleepy bts

Non-Idol AU (?), the chaotic seven, ~2109w

Even more boyfriend shenanigans

SS series (under construction)

* = suggestive, ~nsfw ** = smut, NSFW (req) = requested

and then there were two** (req)

Non-Idol AU, College AU, established relationship AU, ~3480w

Based on the prompt: “what do u think abt college bf mark and awkward and fumbling first time”

Sequel: and then there were finals**(req), 2k

Based on the prompt: “mark lee from nct! college au and NSFW. finding time in between studying for finals.”

in your court (req)

Non-Idol AU, College AU, clueless crushes and matchmaking, ~10,900w

Based on the prompt: “what about ,, bff!haechan trying to set taeil and his awkward ass up with oc Or awkward!oc with his basketball teammate jaehyun. Honestly anything with bff!haechan.”

binary stars (req)

Non-Idol AU, College AU, friends to lovers, ~8,400w

love sometimes takes the form of gravity

Based on the prompt: “bff!hyuck + friends to lovers. college au and slightly nsfw or however nsfw u wanna make it”

the shape you make**

Non-Idol AU, Halloweentown AU, ~4,100w

“For both you and Johnny, there is something big holding you back from being intimate. At the yearly Harvest party, that something big becomes something known.”

Part of the Intimacy Anthology Project!

* = suggestive, ~nsfw ** = smut, NSFW (req) = requested