#irls in middle school n online friends

[noxtivagus]

i spent like 10 hours on ffxiv today 🫶🏼

[charmcoindied]

genuinely genuinely i have been like Thinking and reflecting on this a lot today i have mutuals who i have seen through major life events graduations and promotions and cross country moves and whatever and i think it's so beautiful how even though none of us really talk to each other directly we get to share our stories with each other that's what this is all about i think. just experiencing life with one another on the internet i get to learn so much from you all and i hope you from me as well

[whatsnewalycat]

Hey I rewatched the movie Eighth Grade this weekend and I want to process my feelings. Totally understand if not one human reads this fucking novella, I just gotta organize my thoughts, and I’m putting them here in case it resonates with anyone. Below the cut because L O N G.

(tldr: this movie is fucking brilliant, a masterfully told coming-of-age story. I mean that. And you should watch it)

First of all, I love how awkward Kayla is.

Elsie Fisher fucking murdered it in this role. It’s palpable how uncomfortable Kayla is in her own skin. The way she carries herself, and projects her online persona, and acts in real life, it’s painful how those things merge and give us a picture of who she is really and who she desperately wants to be. It’s deeply, deeply relatable. The entire movie, but especially the first half, I couldn’t stop squirming in my seat, because I remember feeling exactly like that at that age.

The videos Kayla posts with her tips. Ok. It’s fucking brilliant how Bo Burnham (writer and director) spliced those videos with what she’s really going through. It’s obvious she has no idea what she’s talking about, because she’s just rambling on and really saying nothing at all. And it’s so uncomfortable to sit through. She’s making these videos as a way to inspire herself to be a person she thinks is worthy of connection. It’s establishing authority and “big voice narration” spun on its head and I love it so so so much.

Now the aspect of technology and social media. The first quarter of the movie we see that she is constantly on her phone. She’s scrolling Instagram and liking everything her school mates post, commenting on their pictures, etc. Again, she’s projecting this online persona that is outgoing and cheerful and cool. But we see that none of these people actually acknowledge her presence IRL.

When her phone screen shatters, then she cuts her scrolling thumb on the screen, it’s a turning point in the storyline. Her old way of doing things, only reaching out for human connection through the safety of her online persona, has literally made her bleed. It’s not necessarily a catalyst as much as it is a symbol, but she’s on her phone less from this point onward.

Another thing that happens around this time in the storyline: she gets her Time Capsule. It has “the coolest girl in the world” adorned on the lid, and she knows the video she has on the usb drive inside is her going into 6th grade with the hopes and dreams of becoming cool and making friends. She understands that she’s exactly the same as when she entered middle school, and her way of attempting to make connections has failed.

So she goes forward knowing she has to do the scariest thing: put herself out there. Try to talk to people in real life. She goes to Kennedy’s pool party, even though it gives her a literal panic attack, and the guy she has a crush on acknowledges her existence for the first time ever. And it is exactly the encouragement/reinforcement she needed to show her that this is good. It propels her forward instead of backwards into the safety of her shell.

For her, this is life-changing. She thinks this is a new beginning where these cool people are going to let her into their club and she will have friends. But when Kayla talks to Kennedy the next school day, and gives her a note to thank her for inviting her to the party, Kennedy and Steph are engulfed in their phones and barely acknowledge Kayla’s presence. She’s still fucking invisible to them.

Quick sidebar: the birthday gift Kayla gives Kennedy is a card game that obviously is one she has played with her dad. The cold reaction that Kennedy gives to the gift reinforces Kayla’s belief that the things she genuinely enjoys are not cool. That she is this weird girl (as she puts it in her vlog) and not worthy of belonging.

Another quick sidebar: the fucking school shooting drill, holy fuck. How desensitized all these literal children are to the threat of a mass shooting. WOOF. Again, bravo, Bo Burnham.

Then there’s the high school shadow. We meet Olivia, who is 1) to Kayla, obviously cool, and 2) to me, obviously the kind of person who has a history of intense short-term relationships. The way she so brazenly tells Kayla that she feels like they’re best friends, it’s fucking telling. I had a friend like this in middle/high school. It’s very Evie Zamora in Thirteen. It’s not real. And we know this, but Kayla doesn’t. She wants a best friend so fucking bad. It’s literally on her to-do list, and she (understandably) mistakes Olivia’s faux connection as real.

She hangs out with Olivia and her friends at the mall. She feels like she’s finally cool. But there’s Gabe who tells her “I’m not quiet, you’re quiet” and that’s like… a major tender spot for Kayla. Anyway, Olivia, who should have been a protector for Kayla, leaves her ward in an unsafe situation with Riley, and that’s really shitty of her.

Fucking Riley. He preys on Kayla’s naïvety. He knows that she wants to be cool, especially cool in the eyes of Olivia, and tries to take advantage of that. And here’s the part where I’m going to start crying. Because our girl Kayla says no. She goes against her desire to be cool and vehemently, LOUDLY, insists NO. And, in her skewed understanding, thinks that her saying no was cowardly. But it wasn’t. It was so fucking brave. She listened to her inner knowing and stood up for it, even though it meant potentially giving up the things she wanted the most: being cool and having a best friend.

When she and her dad burn the Time Capsule, she’s burning her dream of being the coolest girl in the world. Being (what she has learned to be) cool isn’t what she thought it would be. She thought it would mean connection and belonging, but time and time again throughout this story, it has only meant she has to compromise her values and her true self.

Ok now let’s talk about Kayla and her dad. Her dad loves her so much. Throughout the story that he’s trying to coax her out of her shell and be herself, but Kayla ignores his advice. But when they’re burning the Time Capsule, she opens up to him. Instead of pushing him away, we see her express her inner pain out loud. This is the first time in the story she allows her real self to be seen. It’s vulnerable, and again, so fucking brave.

And her dad… fuck. He says the most perfect things. He tells her his truth, which is that she’s fucking wrong, and she is cool. It’s just that her previous definition of cool was skewed.

We find out that Kayla’s mom abandoned her as a child. And although her dad tried his hardest, there was always going to be a part of her that thinks her true self is defective and not worthy of connection, love, and belonging. But that’s not true. And her dad helps her see that.

From that point, we see her live her goddamn truth. She’s still awkward and quiet, but that’s not a fault, it’s just part of who she is. She hangs out with Gabe, who is kind of a dork and not obsessed with trying to be cool, and it’s SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE IT. At graduation, Kayla confronts Kennedy about how shitty she made her feel. It’s amazing.

By the end, she’s transformed into someone who understands that true connection comes from your true self, and anything short of that is unfulfilling.

Anyway. Idk if it’s because I deeply identify with Kayla on so many levels (i had an Olivia, and a Riley, and a mother who abandoned me as a baby, and a single father who raised me, and was just so fucking awkward and lonely throughout childhood), but it’s my favorite goddamn coming-of-age tale, ever. A masterpiece. Please watch lol.

[delicateimage]

1. First of UNRELATED but FUCKKKKKK MY STIMACH HURTS SO MUHC KILL ME NOWWWWWW N E ways I so saw that after interacting with relatively normal people for the first time in a WHILE post covid (let’s be serious post middle school… like wow I was a loser emo.) and how people can actually LEARN from others instead of intense ridiculous ostracism for any minor differentiation, being online feels like this suffocating circus of charades to fit into any single community, entire ppl’s lives are online to compare to yourself and the comparison is just something that got so so heavy on me, to feel worthy in an internet landscape I had to jump through the hoops of regular teen identity dilemmas while also being out to adult standards of experience education and other standards I simply can’t or don’t give a fuck about achieving I could actually blab on about this forever so I’ll practice some discretion and zip it but thanks for the advice and experience!! Once I’m in physical college classes I hope I’m able to actually make irl friends for the silly reason of wanting to have fun. Human nature ig

2. INCOMIGNG BLABFEST OOPSIE but this made me think about how having a diary is truly the samsara (circle of life - also omg my dumbass had to Google it bc I forgot the name 😭) where in the moment the author can realize by embodying posterior perspectives while writing and in ongoing rumination about the finished product in order to cultivate a matured perspective on a topic, and how that rumination extends WELL WELL after the initial writing experience through memory recollection, and how this recollection is made unique through stimuli from one’s personal writing process, and even if memory fails you the archive of your writing from the inception of the ability to write and OMG THIS WAS SO PRETENTIOUS IM SORRY 😭 but like the ability to blab on about stupid drawn out shit and having the excuse of ITS MY DIARY don’t like don’t read teehee!! Is so fun and like idc everyone who is mad about that is so miserable and not as untouchably smart and superior as they think like how did you even become this ‘above’ us peasants, by WRITING. READING. Whatever. Also THANKS AGAIN YOURW WAY WAY TOO SWEET and also what accomplishments do you hope to achieve this year or in some eventuality?

3. This goes for all of Europe like Europe is so not real I can’t even imagine how tiny it is like it’s literally the size of FUCKING TEXAS and it’s supposed to be a ‘continent’….? Like what. How is it real that these geeks can go to France to turkey in the amount of time it takes to walk from dennys to your Honda civic in a Kentucky strip mall parking lot, like these people need to stop being as pompous about their public transport no matter how effective it is (it’s still really good and way better than the automobile market but let’s be serious ofc it’s easier to establish when your country takes five minutes by hopping on one foot to go from border control to border control)

4. Omg is there any sort of Union that could prompt lobbying for any type of repairs? Ofc it’s extremely doubtful it would get any sort of actual improvements bc MUH PROFITS but I hope the work environment there engenders some sort of small scale solutions by the workers like a really kind worker bringing in a fan…

5. UGH I WISHHHH canvas is too sophisticated NAURRR and also omg this school is making me feel SO stupid and inferior like I want so badly to be a scholarly and motivated student but I’m growing absolutely horribly and getting faced with failure from every direction I hate it so much

[vampzxi]

How do you deal with being queer in a religious household?

this been sitting in my inbox for a while and ive been tryna figure out how to answer it. ☹️fortunately for me, my parents don’t really care abt my orientation, nor are they heavily religious, so they’re pretty accepting. so it was kinda hard for me to answer this but i hope this is okay!!

but! if you know how to safely (huge emphasis on safely) traverse online spaces and communities, use them to ur advantage! it can feel really isolating being queer in a religious household. i’ve found lifelong friends on online communities, ppl i’ve been tight w since middle school! it’s kinda intimidating at first, but just try to involve yourself with online communities that align with your interests! this helps you feel less alone and it also gives you people with similar experiences :3

as for ur parents…it rlly depends on how religious they are. if they’re super conservative then i wouldn’t recommend even mentioning it to them. don’t ever put urself in a compromising situation. if they truly do love you, then you should be safe. now if they’re not rlly conservative, then you should try and sit them down (whenever ur ready!) and explain how you feel. they might challenge you, so have ur stuff written down or something. just be prepared for questions n shit. don’t EVER feel forced to come out, always do this on your own terms. and before you do any of this, always make sure you have a back up. like a friend or other family member you could possibly stay w in instance that your parents react unkindly. unfortunately, shit like this does happen ☹️

if ur trans!: this one is a little more tricky. if you suffer from dysphoria, then you’re gonna want to do everything you can to pass. if you wanna change ur name, try to change it to something that’s close to ur birthname! so if ur parents question you abt it you can just say “oh it’s a nickname lol”. if you need supplies to pass (IE: binders, packers, boxers, etc.) then dm me!! i have a bunch of free/affordable trans youth resources and i’ll be happy to share them!! as for going on hormones, that’s definitely something ur gonna have to sit ur parents down for (unless ur 18+..depending on the laws in ur area).

also you should keep a journal of some kind. whether that be ur notes app, a diary, voice memos, something! don’t bottle everything up! and on that note, make sure you have a TRUSTED friend to confide in. that could be irl or online! having an ear to listen really does help!

i hope this helps! i’m so sorry and i hope ur parents are open minded enough to listen ☹️ as i said, if they truly love you then they’ll love you no matter what you identify as. and i am so sorry if this doesn’t make sense i am so bad at explaining shit 😭

[rubberbandballqueen]

i remember when i joined this site staff was one of the default blogs you followed (and probably the first blog i ever unfollowed a while later lol), but now that tumblr management has become, like, a force of good and all, it’s actually really interesting to follow their wip/changes blogs bc it truly feels like the vision they have for tumblr is, at its heart, community-oriented and personable.

and it’s nice!!!! it’s cozy!!!!!! everyone’s been saying it for ages as of late, but it feels! like!! a home!!!!

[collisiondiscourse]

Hey Codi! I’m not sure if you’ve answered this but what was your experience getting into bnha? Was it something that clicked instantly on did it take a while for you to warm up to the characters?

And mostly unrelated but what is your preferred genre of fic?

HI ARIOZ!!! MWAH

oh man my experience w mha was... interesting. back in middle school i met this person who was into mha and recommended it to me a lot and i was like "haha no.... the fandoms pretty big and apparently argues a lot and i already like voltron 😂" and brushed it off, swearing to never try it.

i knew the basic characters which were deku, uraraka, bakugou, nd todoroki — all of which i had no feeling of exceot for bakugou whom i IRRATIONALLY DISLIKED. so many ppl said he was a jerk but so many ppl also had crushes on him and i was like WHY. WHY. (laughing while crying now i know why)

in 2020 at the beginning of quarantine (like... 3 months in?) nothing piqued my interest n i wanted to try making online friends for the first time. so i started looking for big fandoms to join and make friends in. THEN on my youtube recommendations, i saw this video essay abt BKDK and in its defense. and at the time the only mha ship i knew was tddk, and i was like huh? bc the person who i knew made it usually only made essays abt the most popular ships bc that was his preference. and so i watched it and i was like OH. INTRIGUING? and thus started my curiosity for mha.

when i told my irl friends (many of which were mha fans/had watched it) i was getting into it — ALL OF THEM guaranteed id be a bakubitch. determined to prove them wrong i started watching it with an active dislike for bkg and

and then.

and then i fell hard. REALLY HARD. and started consuming bkdk fanart by the BUCKETS. joined a bkdk server. made my very first internet friends (hi cloud hi aus hi ty hi arioz hi v HAHAHAH) and started drawing for the first time in YEARS. revived my tumblr account that ive had since like 2017 and drew.

at around november 2020 i got my confidence to REALLY start posting art. i was active. i pumped out art every week or so and got to like 400 followers or smth by the end of the year. started reading the manga. started buying merch. started making more friends. made a server to plonk all those friends in like a little aquarium in around february 2021.

and now im here :)

[farmnap]

Fluff Alphabet- Dream

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Dream likes physicality/clinginess. He acts annoyed sometimes but he loves it when you climb into his lap while he’s streaming or how your always by his side whenever you guys going anywhere. He enjoys knowing where you are at all times and making sure your safe. 

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

He would love to have a family with you. He’s super paternal and kind so he’d totally be a good dad. He would want a family because he seeing how kind and strong you are believes those are good traits for a parent.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

His positions switch up. Sometimes he likes to bed help and comforted and other times he holds you tight. Either way he gets as close to you as possible. dream is 100% a human furnace when sleeping. This makes it difficult to cuddle every night but he wouldn't let you go.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

He’d probably try to be fancy and romantic all the time but is too goofy to. Like he’d take you to a restaurant but the food would be terrible. Or you’d go to an art museum and would just make fun of the “art”. 

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

My humor. You make him laugh and to him he finds that the best feature in an S/O. 

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

 when you met his family and y’all got along great. he remembers Drista’s laugh as you teased her about school, and how nice you were to his parents. he loves his family and to see how respectful you were made his heart swell

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

He wouldn’t be gentle at all. I feel like he’d treat you like he would Sapnap, like pushing you around and play fighting (not hard dw) he would never hurt you but he also enjoys joking around with you. 

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He would hold your hand tight to his, even if they got sweaty and hot. He likes having a hold on you so he could protect you. Sometimes he swing your hands back and fourth in the middle of Walmart, hitting people sometimes on accident.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression was your smile. How it lit up your face and made the world seem brighter. It makes his heart skip a beat every time he thinks of it

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

He doesn’t really get jealous. He knows you love him and trusts you enough that he doesn’t have to be jealous. He does get angry sometimes when you directly flirt back, even if its a joke, because he believes that that is reserved for him.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He deffo kissed you first, he probably dropped you off at your house or honestly pulled you into a car make out before you get home. He kisses you passionately and deeply every time. He portrays his emotions best that way.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

I feel like he would wait for you to say it first, he’s had his share of heartbreaks and has walls built up I assume. But once you say it to him he’s eager to say it back.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

His favorite memory is on your guys’ first date when he ate like all of your salad in four bites. He was looking at you shocked and you got all embarrassed. He found it hilarious and the laugh you let out when he told you he was just impressed, was beautiful.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He would so spoil you oml. He will buy you anything you ask. He would buy you an amusement park if you wanted. He jut knows he had money and he likes to help and spoil the people he loves.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

I’d say blue because its an emotional color and you make him feel all the emotions. 

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

baby, babe, cutie, bitch.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?) 

He likes sword fighting. He loves the skill and hoe it’s literally irl pvp

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He hates rainy days bc he loves to go on walks with you and play football in the backyard. He jut watches tv all day, its boring but if you join him and cuddle into him, its manageable. 

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

He used to cheer himself up by playing minecraft or maybe even working out, I can see that. He cheers you up by making you laugh and making you feel happy for at least a few seconds. 

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He often talks about his friends and his career. He keeps you updated and also venting to you is a good outlet for him. 

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

He just lays down or watches football. When he’s stressed he often gets angry, so he tries to avoid you as to not make you take on his anger. 

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

He doesn’t show off at all as we know but he is proud of his career and fanbase. 

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He wouldn’t make a spectacle of proposing but he would make a video of it. Weather that video was posted online or just kept in memories would be up to you. 

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I don't know enough music to accurately give a song sorry:(

Y = Yikes (Do they ever mess up in the relationship?)

Dream doesn’t mess up often but when he does its usually stupid. One time he snapped at you for asking too much about dreamsmp lore. You were just asking so many questions and his patience is only so strong.  He snapped at you, yelling loudly, telling you to just leave him alone. Now that alone wouldn’t be too bad but he got in your face and cornered you. You got scared, naturally, and had a hard time trusting him. I believe that he isn’t “toxic” but just explodes

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He would get another cat but probably not a dog due to patches.

[limerancy-fics]

Anonymous asked: xiaoven au where they meet online thru some forum or game in like middle school or highschool and they become best friends! i was thinking about this eariler and thought about one of them asking the other (probably xiao to venti?) if they liked anyone and them going on about this cute boy... And the other thinking its about someone irl and being totally oblivious to the fact that its about them

— omggggg.......baby xiaoven playing a game together every day after school...they start out just talking over chat n then maybe after they've been playing together for a while they start doing voice chat....n maybe around the beginning of high school is when they do their first video chat. n ofc they're both crushing hard by now so it only adds fuel to the fire. xiao thinks abt holding venti's hand one (1) time n he panic googles "am i gay?? is it gay to hold your best friend's hand if you're both boys?? how to tell if you like someone?? how to tell if someone likes you?? can you like someone if you haven't met them in person??" meanwhile venti's over here writing their names down in his journal in sparkly green gel pen n drawing hearts around them, laying on his bed n kicking his feet n twirling his hair

n ofc xiao asks the next time they talk if venti has anyone he likes....n venti's like "is this my chance? does he know? is he asking because he also likes me? how much can i say before he realizes it's about him?" but xiao is so....out of sorts from his shocking revelation he doesn't even realize n he's like "....i have to go" n he doesn't talk to venti for like a WEEK bc he's heartbroken n venti's like "oh no??? does he not like me?? did he realize and i made him uncomfortable?? does he not even like boys?? does he not want to be my friend anymore??”

n SOMEONE is just like "....ok ive had enough" n gets them talking again OR. angstier: they drop all contact throughout high school n theyre both so upset about it but venti thinks he made xiao uncomfortable n xiao thinks venti's better off w/o him UNTIL someone is like ".....ok ive had enough" n secretly arranges for them to meet in person n it's like that cliche they bump into each other n go to apologize but then REALIZE...n then a tender moment where venti reaches out n brushes his fingers against xiao's face bc wow ...he's real he's here. (omg i have more but cc is gonna kill me before i can— *gunshot*)

Anonymous asked: OH MY GOD ..... ... . this is so adorable💕💕💕 please write more if ur up to it!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST THINK THAT THT THAT—

LISTEN i think it would be like. the most tender fucking thing bc they missed each other sm but were so scared to admit it bc they thought the other didn't care anymore n they would have rather lived in that ambiguity of do they don't they rather than get confirmation that their first love didn't care abt them anymore

but XIAO, he realizes now. bc venti is so sos so so sosososo obviously in love w him (n he's less likely to discredit himself so quickly n can read ppl a bit better than before bc of it) n so he pulls venti close n presses their foreheads together n apologizes bc he was so so stupid n he admits that when venti talked abt his crush, he thought he was talking abt someone else n it broke his heart n he didn't know how to deal w it so he just. didn't. n VENTI admits that he was scared he made xiao uncomfortable n that's why he didn't reach out again

n OFC there's tender kisses (xiaoven kiss chu cope sm every day all day) n they go back to xiao's place (bc it's closer) (also bc they were getting kicked out for kissing too much) n they talk n chu n have a lil impromptu movie date n chu more n EVENTUALLY venti has to go home (but maybe he stays the night n they have sweet cuddles) BUT they try long distance (they live closer than they thought so it's like. medium distance) n maybe play their silly little game again for nostalgia's sake n they chu cope get married n buy a house n have 59 million babies n puppies n are happy forever

[tittyblade]

yo translation is dope as hell! i have a lot of friends going into translator fields

yeah!! i’ve been doing it on n off as a hobby since middle school, so i’m v hyped about it 😌😌 the lessons have been v slow going so far tho :/ we do a week online n a week irl in groups so i get bored as HELL when i’m at home. feels like being back on complete lockdown

[luv-esabella]

N, R, B and I LOVE YOU🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

AWW I LOVE U TOO ARA !! :D Sending u lots of these~ 💗💗💗 and this! 💗🐣💗 lol

💕 N- If you want to know how I treat my friends

I adore all my friends 💗 Like there’s literally nothing I wouldn’t do for them if they needed me. That being said I know the primary source of communication is texting and stuff (which I suck at) but they accept me and love me for who I am so whenever I’m online they’re happy to see me. Irl/facetime is different since I could hold long convos about everything.

I adore things they give me or if they reach out. Like I keep so many trinkets of them. Even a napkin my friend drew on for me when we were eating together at a boba shop (it’s clean and crisp don’t worry. It’s in a collection box smwhere in my closet) I think about them a lot at a reference I remember too. Like if I see something on the streets I’m like ‘my friend would’ve liked to see that cat’ or ‘hey that’s the movie my friend talked about the other day!’

If they’re busy and need space I understand that too. Like I know we don’t have to text everyday to know we care about each other. Or sometimes life keeps us busy and we drift apart. I still appreciate them for the memories we had and I know in the future down the road we’ll meet up again. I also reminisce past friendships a lot. I don’t ever remember ending something on a bad term (maybe one in elementary but we made up again). I think about them probably way more than they think.

This also goes for moots! I don’t talk to some as much anymore but I still consider them a moot. I just kinda remember things and treasure them for a long time. (I’m pretty sure it’s my Cancer moon lol)

💕 R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities

1 - For ask games I tend to think out my answers a lot to the point that I over answer stuff lol (I realized this when I looked at my long answer for N)

2 - I was such a big Taylor Swift fan when I was younger. She was what inspired me to play guitar and sing a lot (when I found out about her cap stellium and cancer moon too? I swooned) She also high fived my hand at a concert I went to (tbf tho she did that with most of the fans in the row)

3 - I attended swim class when I was younger at this place that gave ribbons for awards. I was so determined to gain all those ribbons!! They were so colorful :D (When my sister went to the same place they changed the ribbon system and it was less colorful then. I think I cried cause I was so sad)

4 - I have two dogs who I adore 💗 They’re both maltipoos and they’re brothers but from different litters. (I’ll make a post about them soon if I get a good pic lol)

5 - I’m thinking of an Olivia Rodrigo song rn. But this made me think of the first time I saw her in the American girl movie Grace Stirs up success! I just thought it was fun seeing her grow up in her acting career.

6 - I’m closer to my mom than I am my dad. (Also got sun square moon in natal) I could tell my mom anything, she’s the best :D (also I love her placements. She has a Virgo moon which matches 2 of my bsfs lol)

7 - I got into astrology cause of a post I saw about these youtubers I follow as well as their friendship synastry. And then I got into a fandom discord server and the astrology chat was a goldmine of learning! And then I found out about astro tumblr lol. The rest is history :D

8 - I can’t handle horror movies. It’s different with horror stories tho, altho I still try avoid reading those too. However if horror is involved with plot (when it’s not primarily horror? If that makes sense) I’d still love to read it!

9 - I visited Disneyland a lot as a kid. I basically grew up with Disney. Favorite characters as a kid were Chip n’ Dale. I got the Dale stuffie, and my sister got the Chip one. We watched the original cartoons for them too cause we loved them so much. They’re literally our childhood 💗

10 - I’m into Harry Potter yet never read the series or saw most of the movies (the ending of the last movie was on tv and my dad played it cause he knew I liked hp. I don’t think that counted) Plus I watched the first movie in middle school which I don’t really remember. I got into the fandom thru tumblr and seeing fanart + fanfics. Doesn’t mean I’m not an actual fan tho. I know a lot of trivia and hp terms and plot. Also have ravenclaw merch and my friend made me a wand and a box! Literally it’s beautiful 💗 For my bday gift she painted the box to be from the shop Ollivander’s (the shop Harry got his wand from) and she made a certificate and wand and everything!! All handmade 💗 and I adore her for that! Shoutout to Nika!! She’s one of the most artistic and creative people I know

💕 B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was

My grandpa lol. I was walking my dog and called him saying that we were coming to visit him :D He had a hard time hearing me tho cause of the wind and stuff. We have a family dinner every Saturday 💗

Edit: I realized I answered R wrong whoops!! But I’m too lazy to change anything so we’re sticking with that! Altho I am curious about white strawberries grown in Japan. Why did my brain think of that first? No idea.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[peyyyton]

hi everyone! i go by river, use he/they prns, and this here is my boy peyton kang. i’m really excited to write with you all, so pls leave a like if you want to plot and i’ll get to you asap! i do prefer to use dscord ( gaylittlesan#7578 ! ) but i’ll reach out with ims and we can go from there <3 under the cut will be some info on pey!

━♡ guess the 24 YEAR OLD MARCH baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because PEYTON KANG is just as LIVELY as the month of MARCH. wait, why do they remind me of KIM JONGIN? beyond that, they seemed ALLURING & DETERMINED upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of RECKLESS & ABRASIVE though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 9 / FLOOR 4 ; HE seems to have a lot going on with HIS job as BARTENDER / BUSKER. 

i don’t have a proper bio yet so pls bare with me T_T

born and raised in chicago, peyton is a 24 yr old march baby from a normal upper middle class family. he’s a pisces/aries cusp. no he is not okay.

he has 2 younger siblings and he is Very much an obnoxious older brother

his sister phoebe is actually tiktok famous (much to his surprise, she has a few million followers) and he’s been featured in some of her videos if ur familiar w the app .. maybe u recognize him

honestly he’s kind of a himbo fuckboy dudebro but he’s also a mama’s boy and he’s not intentionally mean usually or anything so like... give him a chance !!

he was super popular in high school and college, ur stereotypical star athlete. very charming, athletic, all the girls wanted him B)

as popular as he was, his parents are a little crazy. they’re both ‘functional’ alcoholics and ended up divorcing when peyton was eighteen. it was lowkey a huge mess and he hates thinking about it 🙈 his mom got custody and things r still a little awkward w/ dad but they stay in contact. kinda.

he was a bit of a troublemaker in high school bc of problems at home. he got into fights, snuck out, messed around, stupid teenage shit yknow. high school was crazy for pey but once the divorce was finally settled, he was in college and had the chance to mature a lot.

while he wasn’t getting into fights or doing extremely stupid shit anymore (just regular stupid shit), peyton was still ur basic fuckboy at university. he partied, slept around and uh. yes. he was in a frat at one point. he hated it LMAO

peyton was also on the school’s soccer team, which he had to keep his grades up for so he Does have a decent head on his shoulders even if he is a bit of a himbo. he has a good heart underneath it all i promise.

he ended up majoring in philosophy (which he rly had no idea what was going on most of the time) and tried to explore different things during college, but he never found anything that seemed to click. 

immediately after earning his degree, peyton decided to pack up his things and move to south korea on a whim in order to ‘find himself’. to do some soul searching, if u will. he has no idea what he wants to do with his life, and after being so adored in school, the world seems super fucking daunting to him. but he likes to hide his insecurities by being sexy. just cool guy things u know

he’s been in korea just for a few years now - currently he’s doing well as a bartender (yes he does brag about tips), and sometimes you’ll catch him singing and playing the guitar on the street when he’s bored out of his mind. he’s literally just some guy but he dresses and acts like he’s the dumbest coolest around and u know. sometimes he's right. but most of the time he’s just some guy

wanted connections / plots!

crazy exes!!! exes on good terms!! ex fwbs!!! all the exes

peyton has a one night stand w/ someone after a wild night and the last thing he expects is to find out they live in the same apartment complex

past + present hookups/fwbs in general. peyton IS a hoe

‘no u cannot get a free drink just because we live in the same apartment complex’

american friends? or just buddies he speaks english with

ride or dies!!! best friends!!! peyton was by himself and super lonely when he first came to kr so i’d love him to have some bffs that he can annoy n will annoy him back

peyton broke ur heart... and he said oops?

someone is making a Lot of noise after peyton has a very late and unpleasant shift and he is not happy about it

perhaps,, an online friend since peyton is from the states? maybe they’ve never actually met irl but have been close online for years. he’s not easy to open up, so ur muse could see a completely different side of him thru the screen :o

cousins/family friends that peyton could have had from when he visited korea growing up

ur not interested or impressed by peyton at all (doesn’t have to be romantic) and it hurts his pride just a little

peyton is actually bisexual, he just doesn’t have that much experience with guys. but maybe ur muse was/is the one to change that 🤨

love interests .. non-endgame ships.. i want it all!!!

ANYWAY that is all i have rn.. i will hopefully get out a proper plot page sometime soon, but for now you can check out peyton’s bare bones profile here if u so desire! if u read this whole post i literally owe u my life so <3 pls come plot w me <3

[krabmeat]

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

kinda? its more like, i believe anyone can be happy with anyone! i dont think there is ONE person who is a perfect match romantically, though i do believe in platonic soulmates! :]

💌- diary or journal?

i dont have either, but i occasionally write and vent in google docs or by writing poems or short stories!

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

mmmm, maybe c!technoblade if that counts? oh! and also c!quackity! :DD

💕- are you crushing on someone?

nnnope! kinda? i dunno! 

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

in the dark. itll make it less awkward and waaayyy more practical

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

😳💚🛠🌿💣🖋〽

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

playing hide and seek at night with my cousins! >:]]]

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

honeysuckle!!

💖- have you ever been in love?

i wouldnt say so! I would hope not-- just tiny pangs of attraction to people i know every now and again -v-

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

mmmmm vanillaaaa

🍯- describe your favorite smell

p i n e s o l

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

erase implicit bias, get therapy, and meeting the RAM system! (you guys are wonderful mmmmmm)

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

cookie dough! not the purposely edible kind, the ones with egg in it. its all about the thrill of salmonella entering my system

☕- coffee or tea?

TEAAA!!!

I COULD RAMBLE ABOUT HOW GOOD TEA IS

AAAAAAAAA

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

the sea with mermaids! Itll be like creative mode but underwater and irl

🍂- what’s your middle name?

Arely! :]

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

my sun sign is virgo and my moon sign is leo! not sure about rising though vkshfkahdj--

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

as of lately, i enjoy opening my window and letting the smell and slight dampness fill up my room while im just vibing

🍭- how tall are you?

………..5'3"-

💒- which show would you want to live in?

im not sure if this counts, 

BUT THE DREAM SMP!!!

i know, i know, its a bunch of political warfare filled with character trauma, 

BUT HEAR ME OUT

i have my own strategies and sh-t and just how to get along while both being included in plot and NOT getting too mentally scarred. me and a couple friends actually came up with a whole au on if we were in the smp!! very fun! :D

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

halloween! the spooky season is upon us in october, mmmmm >:]

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

i really like tree-scented candles!

🎶- favorite song right now?

Cabinet Man and Eighth Wonder, both by Lemon Demon!

(IM ALSO SO HYPE FOR WILBUR SOOTS NEW SONG TO COME OUT "LOVE JOY" MMMMMMMM)

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

be trustworthy

give me freedom and understanding

tell me every now and then youre proud of me!

(ikik the last one is a bit snobby and conceited but it really just hits hard since im never told it very often, makes me tear up every time -v-)

🍩- current mood?

in slight constant pain but overall pretty snazzy!!

❄️- what is your favorite season?

winter and autumn! snow and cold is poggers

💍- your current relationship status?

MMMMMMM SINGLE AND POGGERS

📷- a photo of yourself

NO 💚

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

not really! it makes me feel very guilty and embarrassed when someone spoils me with pretty much anything! im a very self dependent person so i also just always feel like i could have worked harder for it myself!

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

i unconsciously move and wiggle my body to the rhythm and vibe a song gives me

i use my fingers like drums and pretend to be the drummer whenever i think of a song i like

i occasionally talk to myself--

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

mmm, to put it frank-

a person who doesnt deserve anything they have and a kid who the world is too good for

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

fake!

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

someone who embraces a wardrobe that doesnt believe in gender roles

🍓- one secret about yourself

not much of a secret, more so of a cool little fact!

my left index finger tip is numb!

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

idk, just like--

treat em like a close homie!!

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

breakup w h o ?

certainly not me, relationships are complicated mannnn

💬- what your last text message says?

"Lmao, bot"

⛅- what is your morning routine?

On weekdays, wake up to my alarm at 7 am and brush my teeth, change my clothes and get on my phone until its 7:30 am and then i get on my school calls

💗- who do you miss?

MY WONDERFUL IRL BEST FRIEND

AND THE RAM SYSTEM

ALONG WITH OTHER ONLINE FRIENDS MMMMMM

(i have my reasons foshfksbdjsb)

🥀- last time you cried?

last night at like 12 am!

🎁- when is your birthday?

september 8th

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

n o 💚

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

Preferably someone the same age, but i dont mind a small age gap! :D

[jthebeauty]

Jeeeeeeen! I saw that you said you were one the ace spectrum and I’m curious as to how you realize that? I’m questioning my own sexuality rn and a lot of info online is confusing to me LOL. You dont have to answer if you aren’t comfortable tho ofc!

hey nonnie :) ofc we can talk about it! i’m more than comfortable with sharing my story & experience. <3

cw: first kiss, kissing in general, sex talk, sti mention, children mentions, relationships. long post ahead.

growing up, i always naturally admired the romantic aspects in a relationship.

things like dates, breakfast-in-bed, writing love letters, holding hands, cooking meals together, taking silly photos together, (and all that other sappy stuff) really shaped what i desire in a relationship. fun fact; ever since i was 8 or so, i knew i wanted to spend my honeymoon in paris, france (the city of love they call it 😌).

i need to go back into my past a lil’ so you can see where i’m coming from & where it started. 😬 sorry if you get a lil’ uncomfy. 😭🙏🏽

so. i had my first kiss in kindergarten with a handsome guy; a handsome guy who i’d probably still be nervous around as adults. idk, i haven’t seen him in person since i was 14. anyways, i was five years old at the time & the memory of our kiss still runs in my mind here n there.

we liked each other again in grade 6 & we communicated via sticky notes (bc we couldn’t talk during the lesson). 😭 but yeah, he cared a lot about my feelings & always knew when something was up. he’d rub me on the back & talk with me to make me feel better— he was genuinely a sweetheart.

so at 11 years old, due to my “kiddy crush/relationship” experiences with that guy, i viewed relationships as something cute & romantic.

sex was never really on my mind throughout middle school unless it concerned p.e. (physical education). but if anything, p.e. most likely contributed to how i am today. in health class, we talked about sti’s n stuff & i just remember being like umm… if i were to have sex, it’d have to be with someone i know really well & trust. i still feel this way today.

all of that wasn’t planned though, that’s just how it naturally was in my mind— even with peers constantly discussing who did what with who and where around me. sex talk (& rumours of that kind of stuff) were always around me, yet it never interested me or sparked curiosity within me.

i didn’t know for sure that i was on the ace spectrum till high school.

i started speculating when i was about 15 or so (after i had kissed my best friend romantically… more than once). i was able to confirm this once i had my first serious relationship at 16– borderline 17.

i was always excited for the romantic stuff like dates, texting good morning/night messages, even taking polaroid pictures together (once again, sex or anything beyond kissing wasn’t really on my mind for some reason). we even used to call each other practically every day once school ended & we parted ways. real sappy stuff lol.

i also need to add that we didn’t date until we had known each other (as friends) for a good 9-10 months. i knew of my ex since grade 9, but we didn’t become friends until grade 10.

my ex isn’t the first person i have kissed romantically, but they were another person who i had kissed after having some sort of close friendship with (or else it wouldn’t have happened to begin with).

in conclusion, i was in a +2.5 year relationship with my ex. i take relationships seriously, as i’m not one to do flings, one-night stands, situationships, or hook-ups/sneaky links. they don’t interest me one bit & i honestly kinda forget those kind of things exist (i think mainly bc of the pandemic & i’m under the assumption that people aren’t going out as often as they used to).

looking over everything that i can recall from my life, i lowkey consider myself a hopeless romantic LOL. i often read erotic romance novels that revolve around forbidden romance, enemies-to-lovers & stuff of that nature. i was (& still am) obsessed with romance.

i can experience sexual attraction, i’m not completely disinterested in the idea of sex. i want to have kids one day & get married— it’s just a matter of who.

i came to the conclusion that i strongly identify as demisexual & graysexual. i bounce between the two bc i really can’t just pick one. and it’s more than okay if you find yourself in this situation too— you don’t have to pick one & stick to it.

when my ex & i were together, i did experience sexual attraction (bc we had an emotional connection/bond + romantic feelings), but the more we got settled into our relationship, the less those sexual feelings would pass in my mind. i’m the kind of lover that shows my love & affection by cuddling, talking, or helping my partner— stuff of that nature.

for me it was just a matter of thinking “would i do this with a stranger just because they’re attractive?” or “would i do a fwb situation with ____?” and the answer to those kind of questions would be no. i’m just not interested or appealed by the idea of doing things like that with someone who i’m not romantically AND emotionally involved with. the only way we’re doing that, is if we’re mutually romantically AND emotionally involved with each other.

i guess you could say that sex is something “special” to me as well. i just seriously can’t do it with anyone— not even if i find them attractive, it takes so much more than that. but on the other hand, i’m just more of a romantic person anyways.

irl sex is never really at the forefront of my mind & if it is, it’s gone within a few seconds of reflecting on it. in fact, i kind of cringe thinking on past sexual incidents with my ex… like my brain just won’t allow me to reminisce about them & i’m actually glad bc i just don’t feel like purposefully thinking about irl sex anyways. 😭

sorry for the long post! i just really wanted to be transparent with you. but the above is mainly why i see myself on the ace spectrum. it took me a good 4-5 years to come this realization, so i really do feel you nonnie.

if there’s anything you wanna know further, feel free to swing on by again or message me on discord (if you have me there). i really do wish you all the best in navigating your sexuality, it seriously can be reallyyy confusing (especially with the internet as you said).

sending kisses to you my love. take care. 😚❤️

[licenselesswriter]

Hey! I know you probably already answered everything in your head, but let's go... (this is not my revenge yet) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 15, 16, 18, 20, 22, 23, 28, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 40, 43, 45, 46, 47, 49, 50, 51, 52, 54, 55, 57, 60, 61, 63, 66, 68, 69, 71, 72, 73, 74, 76, 77, 79, 82, 84, 85, 88, 89, 90, 91, 91, 93, 94, 95, 97, 100.

Well, you are Vengeance, you are the Night, you’re Batman LOL.

1. What is your middle name? As I said in a question before, my middle name is Hernán, which is a germanic name, a variation of Fernando, which means brave.

2. How old are you? Oh boy, I'm an old geezer who writes fanfics after and before his job, 32.

3. When is your birthday? August 22

4. What is your zodiac sign? I am a proud representative of the House of Leo.

5. What is your favorite color? Grey, I love grey, like fucking love that motherfucking neutral color LOL.

6. What’s your lucky number? 14 baby.

7. Do you have any pets? I do, a cat called Coshino.

8. Where are you from? I'm from the first country of South America, if you start from the south, Chile.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? shoes? technically, 1, the rest are all sneakers, which are, 2 running sneakers, 2 training sneakers, 3 party sneakers, and 6 basketball sneakers.

12. What was your last dream about? Uh, hard, I dreamed that my father was alive, not in a sweet and Mufasa way, but more in a "for some reason, I got a philosopher stone and revive my father using alchemy, without losing an arm or a leg" kinda way, it was cool.

13. What talents do you have? I love to say that my writing, but I kinda trained that skill, so I'm gonna go with like, blessings from God LOL. Cooking Baking Basketball Physics and last but not least, Math.

14. Are you psychic in any way? nope.

15. Favorite song? You did a top 5, so, now it's my turn. 5 - Backstreet Boys - I want it that way 4 - Anthony Ramos, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Jon Rua, Leslie Odom, Jr. & Original Broadway Cast of “Hamilton” - Ten Duel Commandments 3 - Panic at the Disco! - I write sins not tragedies 2 - Sabrina Carpenter - Alien 1 - Foo Fighters - Walk

16. Favorite movie? This one is easier, Coach Carter, I love that movie.

18. Do you want children? Hell yes, baby.

20. Are you religious? I am.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Yes, drinking in a public park, at 2 A.M. with a few friends.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 2 actually, I mean, Chilean Celebs, both during the year my Dad put me on Tennis classes, we receive a master class on doubles from Nicolas Massu and Fernando Gonzales, who won Gold on Athenas 2004 on doubles.

28. What type of music do you like? Just like Lou Bega on Mambo N°5, I'm like, a little bit of everything in my life, because music is love.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes, and it's actually really comfortable.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? Over my belly.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 500 ml of a Raspberry, Celery, Banana, and Yogurt smoothie, bread with cheese, 500 ml of water, because you need to stay hydrated.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes, and it was awesome. Did I try to pull a "wanted" curve bullet? yes. Did I fail? yes to that too.

35. Have you ever tried archery? The main reason I was in the range, anime made me very interested in archery, which ends up in me practicing for a few years.

36. Favorite clean word? Food.

37. Favorite swear word? Motherfucker.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 3 days.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? No idea, if I had, then that person was really good on the secret part, because never had a clue, on the other side, I have the awareness of a rock when it comes to that kind of things.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I try, I fail to do, but I try LOL.

45. What is your favorite accent? Russian, for some reason, that feels like the coolest accent ever.

46. What is your personality type? ISTJ BABY!!! AGUANTE LA LOGICA HERMANO

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Tailored dark grey suit, with a tailored white shirt, a black tie, and a pair of cufflinks with the letter B on them.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? I guess this is for staying in or outside the house, right? Then I'm an Innie, I love to stay at home, watch movies and tv shows, like, that's the life.

50. Left or right-handed? both, ambidextrous

51. Are you scared of spiders? Yes, but I vowed my life to exterminate every one of those scary 8 legged bastards that ever cross my way, also, the main reason I would never put a foot in Australia.

52. Favorite food? To cook? Christmas Turkey To eat? Fried Chicken.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I'm messy, but I do my best, does that count?

55. Most used phrased? Life's not fair, it's just life.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 7 minutes.

60. Do you talk to yourself? I do, that's also, one of my writing methods LOL

61. Do you sing to yourself? All-day.

63. Biggest Fear? Syringes.

66. Do you like long or short hair? I mean, both are cool, but since Tangled, I kinda enjoy long hair, like, it's really fun to braid it? my niece always asked, and I always refused, but after that movie, man, it's really relaxing and fun.

68. Favorite school subject? Math and Physics.

69. Extrovert or Introvert? IRL, introvert, Online, extrovert, makes sense?

71. What makes you nervous? Syringes

72. Are you scared of the dark? Nope, the best and funniest stories are made in the dark.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do.

74. Are you ticklish? Yes.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yes, I have.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yes.

79. Who was your first real crush? I guess not a TV Show character, I even remember her name LOL her name was Cheryl, and her last name, I will leave that in mystery.

82. How fast can you type? If I know what I have to write, really fast.

84. What color is your hair? Brown

85. What color are your eyes? Brown

88. What do your parents do? Both my parents are teachers. My mom is an English Teacher, and my Father was a Math Teacher.

89. Do you like your age? Of course, I do, I loved every year I've been alive.

90. What makes you angry? People who always arrive late, like, for fuck's sake, it's no hard get in time to a place.

91. Do you like your own name? I do.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Both.

94. What are your strengths? Like Hal Jordan himself, my will, and like Lucas Friar, I'm also strong as a horse.

95. What are your weaknesses? Fear of failure.

97. Were your ancestor's royalty? Not royalty exactly, but my great grandfather was a count in France.

100. Color of your room? Grey baby