#is allyship to anyone

[iwaasfairy]

some of you know that i don't like tiktok n it has many reasons but i have had a rant brewing in regards to it for a while and it's definitely extremely prevalent on tiktok

it is not your place to judge people's relationships, even the toxic ones

i know we all go like "yeah duhh" but i want you to actually take in what i'm saying. it's not your place. just because they exist in an age where things can be found online, doesn't mean it's your place. people are allowed to have the human experience. people are allowed to fall in love with the wrong people, and people are allowed to have toxic experiences and people are allowed to be stupid and make mistakes, even public ones

definitely if the person in question is a young woman. like genuinely, i think there is nothing more disrespectful and ironically, anti woman than determining for some young woman that she shouldn't be in a relationship with some older dude. it's not up to you. yea maybe she's making a mistake and will regret in in 3 years, and so fucking what? that's life. young women are able to choose, for themselves, even if the choice is stupid.

billy dating that goofy fucking dude and getting so much shit for it bc what? she whose wrong? yea, i'm pretty sure she made a conscious choice, so stop. she'll survive her mistake. trying to keep young women from experiencing life, even the bad parts of life, isn't doing anyone a fucking favor. its just dismissive of the fact that they can make their own choices for fuck sake.

some nineteen year old ending up married to her high school teacher because they wanted to, getting called out because it's weird and creepy? they're living their lives. who are you to criticize random people? even if it is weird. even if it is true. it's not your fucking place.

a thirty year old woman married to a seventy year old guy and they are living their life and existing in a space where people can see it, but now suddenly it has to be called out bc that's toxic and gross. ok, it's also not your fucking relationship. stop butting in where you're not asked. it is so unbelievably disrespectful and honestly, i'm sick of seeing it. everyone needs to keep their nose in their own business

the easy access of drama on tiktok has made everyone believe that everything is drama that you should stick your nose into. it's not. other people's lives and mistakes shouldn't be your entertainment. young women making bad choices for themselves isn't a hill you need to die on. you aren't being an ally. you aren't being a feminist. you aren't being appropriate.

it isn't your place. it isn't your place. i'm sick of it

[filthforfriends]

I know that we mustn't judge people by the meme pages they follow but couldn't help feel a little weird about damiano following a meme page making misogynistic and fatphobic jokes some of them even homophobic... I usually dont go through anyone's following list but i was trying to find the page of a Japanese artist that Damiano used to share posts onto his story from, a few years ago. I stumbled upon this meme page instead.

No, no. In this house we absolutely judge people by the meme pages they follow. Especially on their public, professionally curated, extremely popular insta.

Anon, I was fully ready to go spelunking for you. I scrolled to the very bottom to see what garbage he liked at age 16 which was totally unnecessary. Because he just recently followed ravidememe! Who posts some stuff like this:

But a whole lot of mainstream misogynistic, toxic, and woefully unoriginal shit like this:

And occasionally something truly abhorrent like a Napalm joke.

Apologies for the google translate. The page is Italian so I’m sure I’m missing a lot of problematic cultural references too. But this one I got:

“Milanese women” = women from Milan. Damiano’s ex of 6 years is from Milan and moved to Rome to be with him.

P.S. I will only respond to claims that this is solely the translations fault if you can give me a thorough explanation for each instance.

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

ppl will go “i’d notice if society was going to sacrifice a marginalised group of people and if they said that it’s ok that a bunch of people would die then i would stand against it” and then they’ll hear people saying “well only disabled and vulnerable people will die of covid” and go “yes this is normal and ok and fine”

[evildilf2]

Like I don’t doubt that there are people who are “weaponizing their OCD” to wiggle out of difficult conversations, but OP of that post was being critical of rhetorical methods that SHUT DOWN conversations from happening! The issue is dogmatism, it’s misrepresenting primary sources, it’s scrutinizing those who don’t immediately understand or accept conclusions based on less than sound arguments. Those are the factors that lead to people developing an unhealthy obsession with morality, it’s not wiggling out of a conversation to suggest “maybe there’s a healthier way to discuss these serious topics”

[lesbiancalkestis]

Not even a democracy sausage could calm my anxieties about today.

[variousqueerthings]

Asking this genuinely in good faith but: im confused about what you mean when you say sex is a construct like gender? obviously like. The social and societal expectations around sex/gender are a construct. But I dont see how actual biology is? Obviously there needs to be greater understanding of the nuances of differences in sexes, and its not a binary like how a lot of people talk about it. But the difference in chromosomes, anatomy, hormones, etc. between different sexes is real, and it’s scientifically relevant to distinguish between them when performing clinical studies etc. so i guess i just wonder if you could elaborate on what you mean exactly when you say that? Thanks!

hiya, hope all is well in wherever you are anon. EDIT: well this got long

I assume you mean the post I reblogged about acknowledging that sex is also a construct that shifts depending on the agenda of the person speaking about it

first things first, gonna acknowledge, this is not my expert topic. a big reason why I reblogged this post (and a few other similarly ones over the years, reminding me that my tagging is a mess and I need to clean that up) is my allyship for intersex people - I want to listen to what they're saying, so my first big shout-out is to read up on what intersex people are saying about their lived realities and politics

also as a recommendation I've been enjoying a lot of what @genderqueerdykes have been writing (I believe I rb'd that post from there), which is a general widespread queer intersex-gender-and-aromantic-fuckery-based positivity, that is good for my all over the place soul (also I am currently unemployed, but if someone has a bit of cash to spare there's a continuous fund to help support through homelessness at the top of that blog)

secondly to second, I agree with you --it is important to be able to distinguish various characteristics in human bodies (for example, say, the ability to give birth, let's go with a big one there, not everyone can do that one) so that we can effectively support people medically, do important clinical studies, and also, for sure, speak about elements of bodies that are gatekept, monitored, denied agency, and otherwise become elements of a society that is white supremacist, colonialist, patriarchal, ableist, queerphobic, transphobic and -- returning to aforementioned under-discussed elephant in the room -- intersexist

so to clarify on the idea of the post you're referring to, whilst also going into why I've just listed out some of the violating institutions of our society, the way we decide what defines sex, is changeable, and comes from our cultural norms, it's 100% what you said "The social and societal expectations around sex/gender are a construct" <- you're very much understanding the post with this sentence

take sports. sports is currently one of the biggest spaces we're seeing this out in the open. the notion of what defines a Woman (sex-and/or-gender-malleable-depending-on-the-speakers-agenda) is changeable depending on skin colour, country of origin, "masculine" features (also white supremacist in function, who can forget that tweet where three cis non-white women were "called out" for being trans women -- I've seen similar many times), being intersex (whether or not the person knew about it beforehand, and in Caster Semenya's case, she was tricked into giving up that information, so that's a big non-consensual medical violation amongst all the others), and of course, the patriarchal idea that women just must be weaker all the time, and if they won't be it on their own dime, then we'll change the rules and force/coerce them to do things to their bodies that they did not consent to. gender roles enforcing sex as social construct

I note that since the 20s and all through today, women have had to undergo various humiliating checks to "prove" that they were real enough women to play sports. which coincidentally is what people have been saying girls are risking having to do now in America if things continue the way they have been

as a sidenote, I was watching a neat little documentary interviewing various trans people in sports called "Game On, Queer Disruptions in Sport," which included a story by a Bulgarian ex-rower who back in the day was ousted from professional rowing for being tested positive as intersex. in their story they talked about how actually over half the team were, but it was only because they told their coach and it became public that it was a problem. where does sex end and gender begin in all of this? whose agenda does it prop up when not talking about something "allows" some people to be women and others not to be (to be clear, they no longer ID as a woman, but if memory serves as intersex as their gender so that adds a whole nother dimension, but boy oh boy this is getting long)

sex -- in the sense that people are born with different chromosomes, levels of hormones, developmental Stuff that hijinks how those hormones interact with the body, and a million other facets that affect what we call sexual characteristics -- is real, in the same way that height differences are real (here's a video by philosophytube, which from memory is very trans-skewed, which, understandable, she was going head-on with the terfs and transphobes at the time, but I do think less overall on intersex people -- but yeah, she did the height example there, I'm borrowing it)

how we decide to enforce gender through sex, what sex counts as Enough to be allowed access to [insert gender], what sexual characteristics are allowed without censure and/or other forms of violation of body and (you guessed it) how that overlaps with ideas about gendered characteristics, how we create the gender roles based on our assumptions about sex, and then how we enforce those gender roles onto sexual characteristics like a depressing game of ping-pong, in which each reinforces the rights of the other part of the "argument" to say "well, we need to constantly remain vigilant in order for the world to be neatly divided into two, easily distinguishable categories, otherwise Chaos will ensue! how can we know what a Man and a Woman is if it's not clear cut somehow!" (deep breath)

we're.... sort of on the path of going "well alright non-binary is a thing, as long as we assert that this is purely Gender, the Thing Going On In Your Head Ya Weirdos, perhaps we can just about allow something that's a catch-all third gender type thing in a few countries (although, notably to meeeee, not in the UK)," but we haven't yet truly begun to deal with the fact that whatever is going on with the human body is so much more complicated than that and people are absolutely suffering because of this

and the more one thinks about the sheer rabbit hole of this reality, the more one realises just how damaging we're being, first and foremost to intersex people, and then spiralling, hitting every bigoted institution branch in the book on the way down, because well, okay, gender we'll juuust about accept can be fluid and changeable, but we'll not actually... interact with how bodies are fluid and changeable, because of genes, geography, medical intervention, illness, or idk, a hundred things I havent thought about

so in conclusion: how do we decide to define sex-and-gender? what is our agenda with discussing sex/when we bring it up in our politics (and I mean this not just as a hypothetical for frothing at the mouth rightwing bastards, us, who I believe to be well-meaning, too)? is it to end surgery on intersex babies, is it to make sure transmasc people can access pregnancy support, is it to allow girls and women (any and all girls and women) access to healthy outlets in sports, etcetcetc? is it to be able to more effectively discuss the ways bigoted institutions interact with one another to enforce their ideas onto bodies? or is it to rigidly enforce the divide and insist that while we'll allow the gender thing (again, just about, with caveats, heavy disclaimers, etc) there are two sexes, and never shall the twain intersect, interact, overlap, or indeed have anything to do with gender, for they are immutable objective realities that are not at all affected by our politics and ideals...

it's a sad, unsexy state of affairs

I hope this gave a little introductionary Thing and curiosity to poke at it further. potentially somewhere where someone has much more detail on the actual Philosophy of all of this, because I'd think that's cool, and also for this is like. pokes here pokes there, and also can you tell I'm actually jock from the focus I decided to take there? no? whew still in the closet on that one

[insert-funny-url-here]

Friendly reminder that it costs $0 to not buy a shitty, poorly-made, antisemitic game that directly funds transphobia!

[timedthirteen]

i feel like it's both objectively insane and also very in character for the doctor to be like no, i won't wipe out a whole race of beings, it's wrong, but i will dedicate myself to preventing them from hurting people, because i as one person can successfully do so, i am built different

[avese23]

I feel like it says something that a famous 19 year old being extremely shitty on the internet is trending more than anything about politicians or effective protests or the actual acts of genocide.

Like yes, people feel betrayed that their parasocial bond with someone not trusted with alchohol or public office has been broken. And yes tumblr would rather focus on fandom than politics and the fact that stranger things is trending but Palestine is not is perhaps evidence of tumblrs (alleged) suppression of what’s actually being posted.

But it still feels gross to see. Telling a Jewish kid to kill himself helps literally no one, and no one cares that this scandal upholds your pre existing dislike of a show and now you feel superior. Yes his actions should upset you, so let yourself feel that anger and disappointment, boycott his stuff, express he’s in the wrong. But then focus on the more dire problems at hand.

In general can we, *for once* make brown people’s suffering about something besides whether you favorite white celebrity is ok with it?

[feelslikegold]

.

[mosspapi]

This might just be a me thing but I'm so sick of the way that any GNC man is instantly assumed to be "an egg" or otherwise closeted trans woman, mostly in "progressive" spaces.

Like why is it that the second a man shows any form of femininity, it's because he's secretly a woman. Y'all do realize what that sounds like, right.

[mynameisrobiniamadumbass]

don't get me wrong more they/them pronouns for characters in canonical works would be lovely BUT i think what's even more important for mainstream media is the concept that using they/them pronouns is not all there is to being non-binary. i see people all the time hearing that someone is non-binary and immediately worrying that they've been disrespecting them by using gendered pronouns even if they are stated to use them

there's nb people who use gendered pronouns, nb people who don't, and nb people who use neopronouns, and more. i think it's about a lot more than just they/them, and i'd like more mainstream media to talk about that too. that's the part that really helped me figure myself out as someone who doesn't really feel much of a connection to any pronouns

pronouns are a manifestation of one's identity, not the whole identity

[torchstelechos]

If Lou Binghe (Bingmei) was in a modern au I think he would be a kindergarten teacher. Honest, hand to god, I think he would be a lil kid teacher and SQQ would absolutely lose his mind over this. Mainly because I can kind of see Binghe becoming a TA for his hot college professor (SY) only to realize he needs to know more to better help (woo) his professor and go through all the courses need for certification and oops he ends up working with kids at one point and he actually likes, the validation?? Of the children being happy that he helped them?? Uh oh spaghettios our mans is now a kindergarten teacher and his husband is a college professor.

[dlnqnt]

:u

[backyardflames]

To that anon ask I got - I'm not going to post it because I don't want the comments, but I do agree that there is a tendency with straight actors to over correct what they think is stereotyping, to the point where it actually tips into being offensive. And yes, using words like 'predatory' belies a bias that needs examining.

[fangsgender]

came out to my physical therapist today not like. because i was planning on it but because we were talking about trans healthcare and it just kinda slipped out but she’s so cool about it. no follow up questions just “yeah we’re trying to get more support for pelvic health for trans people” do you know that you may be the coolest physical therapist on earth?