#is it a hc? A meta??? Incoherent???

[voxiiferous]

**| Interesting revelations of the evening!

I’m not certain Vox has ever actually fired a gun. He’s certainly never owned one. Most of the time if he needs to cause pain his just sort of… goes zappy on them. Flesh doesn’t take kindly to massive amounts of electricity!

Hah! Now that I have drawn you in with fun hc there’s the more serious examination of themes. A consequence of when I started writing Vox is the fact that I could not turn off the university part of my brain that’s just like “if you were to write an essay for him what are the themes you would focus on? What DEFINES him???” And the answer was performance, because clearly right? He’s TV man.

And this had the unintentional side effect of earning him the “not as bad a person as you could have been” award because if he was a really bad boss, and I leaned more into the corrupt businessman aspects of him, then that core theme would have been less performance and more consumerism and capitalism. Which I decided was not thematically relevant and would have just detracted from the overall character I wanted to write.

If I had to pick his main three vibes it’s: performance in big bold letters (more on that in a sec), modernization (not capitalism or consumerism, but specifically that transition of technology and opinion), and a very sci-fi concern of what is a human? Is he still?

but but but going back to the performance. It’s so key to how I write him. Like there’s the literal performance aspect on screen, but it’s more than that. As Vincent he performs a veneer of, if not heterosexuality, than at least… not queerness. But otherwise he’s still very much him. Sure his charm was taught, but he made it a part of himself, it’s not a performance anymore, he has things he enjoys and doesn’t, and is, more or less, honest in that. Vox is… not that. It’s why in the 1946!Vincent content, the fun is forcing Vox to acknowledge himself. He has to step beyond the performance, he has to see backstage essentially. He has to be vulnerable.

And vulnerability is something that cannot exist in the Overlord Vox persona, which he is constantly inhabiting. But at the same time that’s not who he actually is, but it’s who he’s performing as, even to himself. He’s always on this knife’s edge of self reflection and juuust missing the point, because if he goes to close to the truth, the masquerade falls apart.

There’s this line from the song All for Believing by Missy Higgins that’s great here, and it’s “But I see you painted your soul into your guard”, and it’s super true for Vox. Overlord Vox is the face of every new product, he derides the old as outdated, he’s ruthless, and powerful and confident. Nothing gets under the skin of Overlord Vox, not even a broken screen, see him laughing in Voxtagram? Laugh with him. It keeps him safe, it’s the image that’s given him power and control and the successful end result to all the ambition that is still a core part of him.

Vox however??? Vox is a bit of romantic, and he loves swing music, and black and white game shows, he’s an insomniac and a bit of nerd. It’s not that Overlord Vox isn’t him, because like the lyrics says, it’s been painted into. Overlord Vox is the strongest parts of himself people take seriously and made into a living, breathing part of himself. It’s a shield and a half truth.

Money does play a role, but it’s a tertiary one at best. He has more money than God, he owns everything under the sun, great, great, it plays the role it needs to and is otherwise vague. What is he doing with his money??? Uhh, I don’t know, who cares?

The modernization works in with the performance, though that’s another post of its own. So please enjoy this somewhat rambling roundabout examination of why my Vox is, all things considered, not that bad a dude. It’s about the pretentious English major themes, and that being the least interesting thing to explore for me. (Just see his playlist, it’s basically all “look at me, look at me, look at what I’m showing you, don’t look over there behind the scenes).

[detectiveneve]

How To Know If Your Evil Vampire Boygirlfriend Really Likes You (a meta on Astarion's manipulations of Tav deeper into the romance.)

Okay, this was supposed to be a response to this ask right here, and it got so long I decided to just put it in its own thing for slightly easier reading. Thank you again to the asker for giving me an excuse to go off the rails talking about THE BOY. This also got long enough that it needs. Subheadings. And it is [checks notes] 3.6k words long. If you're interested in skipping the act 2 Scene Breakdown and going straight for the character analysis of Act 3 specifically, you can jump to the uhhh 3. Yeah He's Manipulative (Trauma Edition) subheading.

Prefacing that this is just my personal interpretation of Astarion here, the game leaves several moments ambiguous on purpose & I'd be super intrigued to hear what anyone else thinks is going on in this rancid little lad's head. This became more of a process of breaking down what I think he's doing in each scene than anything else, so I hope it's interesting to... you? reader? Since it's a bit long-winded and a lot of speculation and interpretation on my part for his wild ass behavior.

(Also, I haven't played far enough with an ascended Astarion to properly break down the differences between both--he'll have his own playthrough for sure but since I haven't gone far enough in that path, all of this is with no-ritual Astarion in mind) (I also don't have screenshots for everything but hopefully that's alright. just trust me bro.)

Fair warning, I didn't proof-read this & I moved paragraphs around so if it sounds incoherent that's a feature not a bug. Now. Let's get into the EVIDENCE.

1. but did he mean the kisses????

So, before the hug scene, the game leaves us a bit of room to interpret the progression of the relationship. I kind of wish we had one extra scene to sort of solidify his growing feelings in the in-between period of his "I'm just sleeping with you to secure my safety here," era (pre-confession as we'll call it) and his "oh shit I actually kind of care about you," era (post-confession, pre-ritual), but I understand why it wasn't included. Game mechanics & cost aside, the space between these two periods is left entirely up to player interpretation, & has lots of room for HC up to each individual player & Tav.

To address the easiest examples the asker gave, the repeatable kiss dialogues are all ones I'm going to mark under "sincere." Mostly because those are all post-confession, and after Astarion has acknowledged to himself (& the player) that he doesn't want to do anything sexual, but presumably kissing is fine (given that he's enthusiastic about the kisses & will shut down sex/intimacy acts otherwise.)

There's not really a logic to him being slinky here, and I didn't interpret any of his post-kiss repeated dialogues as insincere, much more so playful or coy or cheeky. The voice acting is subtle here, but I found it to be much more playful than his annoying little, for lack of a better word, purring "hello, beautiful" etc etc in act 1 / early act 2. Also, all these dialogues stay the same after the ritual happens, and your romance has been solidified in the grave scene, where he wholly says:

"I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that."

^ Not a lie. So I think we can mark off those particular dialogue as sincere.

In act 2, there aren't really a lot of places for Astarion to actually get into his manipulative tendencies. He overtly needs your aid with Yurgir (Repeat after me: thank you for helping me. It was very kind.) so he doesn't really manipulate you at... all...? in my opinion? Act 2 shows you his most sincere moment yet in the confession/hug scene. He is not lying. He is more honest in those moments than he has been in the entire game, and it shows in his wording, his body language. He's uncertain of himself, maybe. He doesn't know what to make of the situation yet. He says as much to Tav when you ask him "What are we?" and he says:

"I don't know. But isn't it nice? Not to know. You're not a victim. Not a target. Not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be?"

He has no reason to say that without sincerity. He could say you're his specialest babygirl if he wanted to keep up the lie. And other than helping him with Raphael, there's really not a moment where Astarion has an opportunity to manipulate you....

EXCEPT.

EXCEPT. For this moment in particular. which is one of my FAVORITE Astarion ones because it is gloriously bitchy.

2. what if we took over a cult, babe.

Context first: I played a paladin of devotion, rough around the edges but fairly good-aligned Tav. She was a bit of a jerk but she saved people for free, and I adhered to her dialogue roleplay hard, choosing the "destroy the Absolute" dialogues at every turn. I don't have a save for this scene sadly otherwise I'd replay it and compare/contrast answers like a pepe silvia meme, so I'm only able to break this scene down from that particular lens.

Secondary context: This scene is important because it highlights Astarion's manipulative routine while still with a Tav he's very fond of (exceptional approval in this scene) and the way he lays it out is necessary to understand the moments later where he tries to manipulate Tav again, since it has components of the same themes, ideas, and tendencies that go on.

So, Astarion will hit you with this hot take early-ish on.

"You know. I feel a connection between us. Like we're two souls walking the same path (...)" Astarion establishes emotional connection, and a foundation of similarity/commonality/shareed interest. This is pretty standard fare for him. He does the same thing a lot early in act one, where he's almost CONSTANTLY asking you to "trust him," (when you really should not.)

"You might be a little naive in the ways of the world, but I see promise in you. Ambition." - He kind of snidely reveals what he actually thinks--you're a bit naive, you "have a big heart,"--he's hoping that his emotional cloying and little comment and connection with Tav will be enough to sway them over to what he wants to do, and they'll give him what he wants because We're So Similar, See?

"So I was thinking, what would be the right thing do when we get to Moonrise Towers?" - He wields his language carefully. The right thing to do. That's a language he thinks Tav speaks. An interest in doing the Right Thing; so, he adjusts accordingly. He wants to do the right thing too, you see, and the right thing conveniently lines up with what he actually wants, which is real power. Astarion confesses he's not a details guy, yada yada, then--

"If we can take that control from them, imagine the power we'd wield." <- He lets slip what he's actually interested in. Astarion generally can't keep a charade up for too long. His real thoughts always come through, and he reveals his hand in conversations often, but usually in offhanded ways and, well--he's never made a secret really of where his actual interests lie. His attempts at currying your favor and persuading you (and you can really feel the persuasion here) are prettyyyyy overt, but still, he's trying anyways.

"I'm just saying there's an opportunity here. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and liberate the world from this evil." <- He brings the conversation back around to what's more neutral than Absolute Power -- keeping ourselves safe. He uses the We and Us language a lot when he wants to convince other people of anything, really. "We're all such good, trusting friends!" he'll say, lying through his FUCKING teeth. His manipulations here are like.... pretty clear, but he still gets an A for effort for trying to align himself with Tav & Tav's perceived goals & see if he can wriggle in his own in the process, put "become god-cult-leader" up as a Reasonable and Rational thing to Want to achieve.

The actual question here: does he care about Tav at this point? Up for interpretation, but I'm going to say yes with... the caveat that I don't think he's fully acknowledged it to himself, and I don't think it's love here. It is high approval though. I do think he cares about Tav, I do think he's including Tav in longer-term goals, he's depending on Tav at this point as an ally he can count on, and he's starting to get chipped away at.

I don't even really think it's a lie that he on some level would like to see Tav safe, and takes their wellbeing into account. He's been with them long enough to worry over their safety to some extent, and to at least partially lump it in with his own (in my opinion). Is that love? I don't think so. "We can finally be safe," is a reoccurring theme in the other scene I'm going to break down in just a second. And it's interesting for a lot of reasons.

And furthermore: you can care about someone and still be manipulative toward them. That's a core thing going on here, I think, with Astarion.

3. Yeah He's Manipulative (Trauma Edition).

"Is Astarion Manipulating Me In Act 3? " YES. A little bit. And here's why it's INTERESTING.

So, the confession scene in act two has already happened. Astarion has confessed some of his big mushy feelings to you. He likes you. You've slammed the "can I kiss you?" dialogue 100 times already because you're really super normal about the vampire twink. He doesn't know what to make of his caring about Tav yet. See: his "what are we??" dialogue.

MOVING ON. Astarion is also, a manipulative little shit, and he will NOT change his ways just because he likes you a lot and giggles when you give him a little kissy kiss.

Astarion is deeply, deeply traumatized, and his trauma has in his own words makes him act out the same cycles of behavior that he did prior to escaping Cazador. In its most obvious format, one of those behaviors was seducing Tav because that was the kind of behavior he knew, and it was the only thing he could think of to secure his own safety. By act 2, he's somewhat aware of the cycle, but--

Traumatic behaviors, like anything relating to surviving abuse & getting out of it, come and go in waves. You'll likely not find a survivor of abuse who doesn't revert back to coping mechanisms at times, especially in moments or episodes of heightened stress, or being put back into the old environment again. ->

Astarion going back to Baldur's Gate--and specifically with killing cazador in mind--is him going back to that same place where traumatic events occurred... almost constantly. Thus, he goes back to his old behaviors. Not to the exact same level, but it is there.

Safety. THIS is a word that comes back a lot with Astarion, it is one of his most reoccurring (if not the most) themes. He wants to feel safe. He associates power with safety, because the safest person in the world--as in, literally safe, not "safe for other people"--in his mind, is Cazador, who is powerful enough to repel any threats to himself & what he owns, has, possesses, and keeps.

Astarion is still, at his core, no matter what, self-serving. He will do what's best for himself first and foremost in almost every circumstance you put him in. Or at least, he will want to--if Tav or someone else stands in his way, and he sticks it out, it'll be begrudgingly. That's a fundamental aspect of his character & to try and do away with it makes no sense.

And in case it got lost, I'll reiterate that I do think Astarion's actual feelings for Tav at this stage are entirely genuine, & deeply felt. It shows, and it's obvious. He's just got several layers of behavior going on in the process.

"But I thought astarion liked me??? why would he consciously choose to manipulate me??" The thing is, once again, you can like someone and still try to manipulate them, pull on their heartstrings, or quite frankly guilt trip them into helping you kill like, a lot of fucking people so you can become godlord supreme emperor of mortals and vampire kind.

Let's get into the second scene I want to break down. Keeping all of what we've established above about how Astarion goes about establishing connection & togetherness & the idea of shared safety to sway Tav over to his side.

So let's set up one thing for sure. It's pretty obvious, everyone gets this scene, but let's set it up anyways.

"What's a handful of the wretch's servants? IF they're anything like me when I was enslaved, they'll all be begging for death anyways." <- apathy toward others, generally motivated by self-interest, lack of empathy for others' plights, a callousness that is fairly unrepetant. He's fairly sure this is what he wants, and--

"After two hundred years of pure shit, I think I deserve something better." Again, Astarion tells us exactly what he's thinking. And what he believes. And he's not wrong! He does deserve something better than what he had before. Or, at least, he doesn't deserve the level of cruelty he endured at Cazador's hands. However.

And then he follows it up with, "I know you do [care]. It matters to me too. I want to be able to protect you too." <- finally, we come back around to the reoccurring theme he'll use to sway Tav over to his side. He sees the soft point of Tav in the conversation--they care about him--and he needles that in; they care about him, he cares about them, they should help him complete the ritual for it, it's what's best for everyone. Except for the 7000 spawn, but. You know.

NEXT IMPORTANT SCENE. let's take a look at the scene that follows after you confront his fellow vampire spawn in the tavern.

I'm keeping the full screencap so I can keep his shifty little look in here. It's not the best format, I wish I'd kept videos, the body language & voice acting adds a lot to this moment, but. Neil you're so good at balancing Astarion's careful shiftiness, his gleeful/vindictive revelry at being so close to his end goal & confronting his siblings without flinching, his coy little pleading, and his near desperate watchfulness. He needs Tav. He cares about Tav, yes, but he needs Tav to help him.

Astarion is, again, fairly callous about the deaths of his brethren. You have to remind him time & again to maybe empathize with their suffering & similarity to him. But each time he reverts back to, "their lives" serving a greater purpose.

Astarion then follows that up with "But we're a team. If I become all powerful, then we become all-powerful." <- I think he genuinely does think of himself & Tav as a team, and as a good one at that. More than anything, Tav is the first person Astarion, in his own words, feels he truly cares for. They've killed a few gods chosens together, Tav has given him respect, patience, care. He feels fairly assured of their presence & kindness at this point. And assurance tends to breed............. let's call it, taking for granted?

I believe he's trying to again emotionally bid for their help & loyalty as much as gauge if they're still with him, as he does by going -> "We are a team after all. You're still with me?" Once again, the easiest way to secure aid is through emotional connections; someone's attraction to you, or better yet, their care for your well-being, are easy strings to pull on to try and entice someone to do what you want them to do. It's not necessarily maliciously intended, but it is a kind of manipulation.

"But Astarion just genuinely wants to know you're on his side!" Yes. And he also really wants you to help him with the ritual. ANY arguments against the idea that he's benignly trying to manipulate Tav's feelings, I'm just gonna put up this screencap right here, one of the last times he bids for Tav's affection & loyalty in this, in this particular conversation:

Look at his stupid pouty face and his "You want what's best for me, surely?" and oh god the voice acting. We're smacked right in the face with Act 1 Astarion's slinky, whiny little "truuuuust me it'll just be a taste I promise &lt;3333" voice. That PURE "I'm trying so hard to connive my way into your good will because I REALLY want this." voice.

His strength is your strength. And he will pleading face emoji his way through getting you over to his side if he needs to. It's honestly so funny, how the writing plays out, because SEVERAL times you can choose to fully fall for it, "yes of course I want whats best for you / want you to be safe / feel good" and every time, he's like "I know I know <333 and I want YOU to feel safe too <3333" and I don't even think that's a lie! I don't think it's a LIE, I just think it's the same pattern of manipulative behavior he's exhibited time and again even when he cares for you.

Astarion is still Astarion. He is very willing to kill, lie, and cheat his way through just about anything to protect himself, & all of that makes PERFECT sense for him. And if you're not on board with his plans, of course he will use every tool at his disposal to get you on board. It is, after all, what's best for both you and him. His power is your power.

4. "I'm doing this for you too." He said, lying. Or genuinely believing that but lying to himself too and executing it in the weirdest way imaginable.

So, this is probably my favorite interaction in the entire Astarion romance. Love the grave scene. Love the horny evil vampire turning. But this moment in particular is fucking brilliant, because it illustrates the dilemma here perfectly.

Astarion outright tells us exactly why he is the way he is, and why he cares for Tav while being able to be so cruel and callous about others. "No one ever looked out for me [...] you're the only one." Tav is exceptional--as in, THE EXCEPTION to the rule--because they cared for him in a way no one else ever has. He has ZERO reason to even bother lifting a finger for anyone else besides himself, because in his mind, none of them ever bothered to help him, why should he bother with them. But TAV. Tav he can make promises too.

On some level, I do kind of believe him when he says things like "I'm doing this for you too." -- As in, I believe that he believes that he's taken Tav into account here as well. I do think he genuinely thinks they'll be an even more magnificent duo of glorious bastards together once he's God Vampire Emperor Of Eternity. And on some level, he's probably right. They do take over the world together in some endings, so. Good for them.

However, do I think he's primarily motivated by anything but himself? No. Tav also benefitting from his mega vampire powers is just a bonus in a laundry list of reasons why Astarion wants to ascend at this point in the game. Why Astarion is willing to pull out every guilt-trippy, pleading face to get Tav to help him, if they show even a hint of reluctance. More than anything: Astarion is a survivor, and a survivor of severe abuse that pretty quickly explain why he is the way he is. Does that excuse what he does in the aftermath of that abuse, when it comes to harming other people? Not really. But it explains it pretty clearly.

Because Astarion is back where he came from, he's immediately thrust back into the cycles of behavior that both traumatized him & were what he had to do. The pattern of behavior, coping mechanisms, rooted in traumatic cycles, that he has done time and time and time again that has successfully gotten him, not what he wants, but what he needs to survive. Does his manipulation of Tav here mean he doesn't care? Not at all. It's just that he needs this work. He needs his allies to help him make it work, and he's willing to pull out every stop to see Cazador dead and himself with enough power to never feel so helpless or vulnerable again.

Astarion can love you & still be himself. He will never stop being a bit bitchy, a bit conniving, extremely focused on self-preservation at all costs. He might not seek out active maliciousness, but even in act 3 after the ritual, he still approves of generally being a sneaky bastard, taking short cuts, taking easy ways out. And none of this is necessarily... a problem? It isn't ""moral"", sure, but it's not really a problem. In some endings, he can pursue ""better"" paths, but his general deceivery and typical behavior aren't going away. Feature, not a bug. How each Tav feels about his ... fairly obvious deep romance manipulations is up to each player though, and that is what's interesting for each playthrough.

There are five more essays to write in here. There's the Astarion after the ritual, who agrees that fine, killing 7000 people is wrong. And there's the Astarion after the ascension, who is now fully entrenched in the idea that Power Is Everything, and all that means for him afterward, and his visceral, intense, obsessive controlling dynamic with Tav where they descend into Chaotic Vampire Evil Marriage. And there's Astarion and Tav together finally, honestly, openly, with the heart-wrenching intimacy of the grave scene. And this is almost 4000 words so I'm shutting the fuck up here.

So. I will end this by saying I'm peeling him like an onion rn I'm obsessed with him. He's gods horrible princess and he's never going to die.

[relaxxattack]

meta about Rose’s relationships with her mom and Kanaya…..

WAAUGH ok so like…

roses relationship with her mom the most nebulous thing of all time because they really give it basically ZERO screentime like we’re never fully able to understand how much of mom was actually cold or enjoying of mind games and how much of it was sincere

it can be assumed that a portion of it was definitely sincere just based on like.. wizards, or lack thereof, and roses conversation with roxy about her love of wizards and what that means about her views on mom

and at that point you have to assume that mom was mostly well meaning but perhaps not all there in the head at ALL, enough for rose to make up this cold calculating woman who bizarrely coordinated everything about her life including the decor just to make rose as miserable as possible

and therefore rose lives her entire life thinking her mother hates her and likely lashing out in weird ways and trying to do all kinds of shit for attention (the no tears coconut shampoo tumblr post comes to mind) and it’s basically just so desperately sad. she is so fucking lonely and tries so hard to come off as “above all that”, she thinks shes soooo self aware just because she knows her mother has issues and knows her situation is bad. she goes off about all this and how terribly unwanted it makes her feel and the other adults around her are like “wow you’re so self aware!” and she gets so satisfied about that, like, yes she’s so self aware, she’s so smart and understands her problems and mental health so well, she must be entirely above it actually. nothing else to dissect there.

and then kanaya comes in and kanaya is so very painfully similar but also not above it all. kanaya has about as much trouble saying things as rose does but unlike rose she’s not afraid to admit when she’s scared or wrong

kanaya is so bad at social cues but rose has made cues her whole life and so they are CONSTANTLY misunderstanding each other, circling around and around the point but kanaya keeps taking jabs at the issues and rose just tries to flirt the problems away.

this is literally just an incoherent fucking ramble because tbfh i need to reread acts 2-5 and write a fucking dissertation on rose and kanaya so i can say a thing that actually makes sense but the TLDR of the matter is. i am foaming at the mouth over them

also i know canon sort of implies towards act 6 that mom was well meaning but mostly off her rocker but personally i MUCH prefer the hc dynamic that rose and her mom have where mom is just as fucking dramatic, just bad at expressing emotion and shit (the rose lalonde vampire slayer fic has such a GOD TIER example of this, please read that fic everyone) and basically yeah that version of mom is actually the canon one To Me

[avatarofthebeholding]

The Desolation is Not just about fire. In fact, at its core it isn’t about fire at all; it’s about enjoying other people’s suffering. It’s about WANTING others to suffer, and deriving pleasure from it. If you want an example of what the Desolation is, listen to Eugene Vanderstock’s statement. Listen to how he talks about melting people down into candles like it’s a fun sport.

That said, the characterizations of Gerry as Desolation-aligned that I’ve been seeing make my blood boil because there’s NO way in hell he would Ever make that choice. Don’t forget how much he was HURT by the Desolation via Diego Molina, how it scarred his entire body, how it’s probably one of the entities he would Hate the Most not only for personal reasons but because he always actively helped people; he never LIKED to watch them suffer.

The same goes for Tim!! He would NEVER in a million years be Desolation-aligned; don’t mischaracterize him wanting revenge against the hell-circus that KILLED HIS BROTHER as a desire for destruction bc that is Not It. His anger isn’t a justification either, not at ALL. He’s angry about being trapped at the Institute, angry about being stalked, angry about being accused of murder...and MAYBE he isn’t coping with it the best, but who in the Institute is coping WELL during S3? Nobody. Absolutely nobody. Point is, Nothing about Tim’s character that EVER suggests he would enjoy other people’s suffering.

I’m just rambling now, but like. SERIOUSLY. Gerry is NOT Desolation-aligned. Tim is NOT Desolation-aligned. Period.

[thatreallyminecraftsmygender]

Okay so a bit of a health update (feel free to ignore):

As I've mentioned in tags or whatever I've been struggling with managing my chronic illness and stuff recently and uh today it has taken a bit of a turn for the worse, something I ate had something I shouldn't eat in it, an as I was already in a sort of unstable place this has kicked a bit while I'm down and my body has uhhh panicked about it somewhat

I'm not in any danger or anything it just sucks a bit, so please be patient with me and expect slower replies ect, my music may also be on hold depending on how my shoulder and fingers hold up and stuff

I'll definitely still be keeping up with hermitcraft and stuff and I'll probably still post things but I cannot promise they will be good (as I'd the rest of this blog is all peak content) and any rambles will be even more incoherent than normal!

Anyway! this had been zaphs medical corner, tune in next time for fun facts about the brain and experiments you can perform on your suspecting friends!!

[aardvaark]

i wrote something similar to this in the tags of my most recent post basically but...

judy hale hc - childhood edition

thinking about the adults in judys life when she was a child. not the ones who neglected her - namely, her mother. the ones who were around, thought of her occasionally, wondered if she was alright.

1 the teacher who let judy stay after school for an hour, maybe two, because her mom hadnt come to pick her up yet. she saw a flash of embarrassment on the childs face, possibly, but didnt suspect its cause; judy would have known her mom was... well, away. that she wasnt coming because she hadnt come for about a week this time, but clearly today was the first time judy hadnt been able to slip away out the gate in the throng of parents and children, or escape to another exit around the back of the school. 

she’d tried, but her teacher had asked her what she was doing, and there was no good answer to that question. maybe the teacher let her go after a long enough time, or called a grandparent or aunt/uncle or someone to pick her up. but the teacher stayed concerned, started checking that judy had food every day, made judy wait in the warmth of the classroom for her mom when she was late after school (well, at least on the days this teacher was on after-school pick-up duty), or waiting for anyone else who was taking her that day, usually arriving late, judy having to call them last minute.

the teacher doesnt mind staying late every so often for the kids sake. shes a polite, responsible, independent child, especially for her age. the teacher figures this is maturity. judy does have some trouble making friends, however, so the teacher tries to encourage her by sitting her next to a more outgoing but equally nice kid. 

they also encourage judy to participate in community events when shes able to, even helping her to volunteer at the local nursing home despite her young age. she can read and talk to senior citizens there, and besides... the teacher has a feeling it will give her a sense of home. 

2 the staff at the local library, just around the corner from judys house. judy has spent plenty of time there, reading to distract herself or as a form of escapism, but of course the librarian didnt know this. the staff like her - shes polite and quiet and very kind, she brings books back on time, she reads to the little kids on the weekends. 

its unusual that her mom has never come here... judy spends most of her time in the library, and has never once been walked to or from the building by a parent. judy comes most days straight after school and stays late. she rarely has food, and often stays late enough that she must be missing dinners, but her mom never comes to get her, so everyone is under the assumption that her mom just reheats her food, and judy must have a snack on the way home from school. 

however, it becomes clear that she definitely isnt having food since lunch when she becomes a bit faint one evening (little did they know that this day, she had forgotten to pack recess and lunch, and her breakfast had been half an apple on the way out the door. she had only realised at recess - and punched herself quietly in the bathrooms. she was so stupid). after that, they brought a bowl of sweets for the counter, just little chewy lollies and the like, so that she’d at least not get faint. 

occasionally they offered her some food, which she tended not to accept until much later at night when she couldnt hide the growl in her stomach, but knew that going home meant being alone in the dark for another few hours. she tried to postpone cooking dinner until it was necessary for her to leave the safety and security of a public building like this library, and was eternally grateful that the staff often let her stay a little after hours. 

once, one staff member got a call from judy’s school at about 4:30pm. someone had already commented that the girl was late, but maybe she was home sick today (although that had never happened before). a teacher had phoned them, but judy had quickly asked for the phone before the librarian could clarify that this was not someone’s house, but a library. judy sounded panicked on the phone, asking very apologetically if someone could straighten something out at the school. the librarian obliged - they’d known judy for years, and she had never asked a favour, yet participated in any and every event the library held, and the kid had sounded very worried - only to have judy run up to her saying “hello, auntie!” and be whisked away before they could converse with the teacher. they decided against bringing that odd moment up to the rest of the staff... but... it gave them a weird feeling...

3 a parent at judy’s school, who’s child sits next to judy in class. they knew her mother back in the day, when they were at school, but hasnt seen her in years. boy, was high school wild if you were in judy’s mom’s group of friends! but theres no way they’re gonna mention that to a child - stories about drugs and drinking, mostly, nothing appropriate for a kid to be exposed to. they, of course, dont know what judy is exposed to, and honestly, hearing stories from years ago would not nearly be an issue in comparison.

although judy hangs out with their own child, they’ve never seen judy’s mom at the school. they dont think much of this - many parents work, and she knows from talking to judy that eleanor hale is a single parent, anyway. judy lives near enough to the school that she is able to walk home. still, they often do choose to let judy sleep over when she says her mom is going to be home very... er, late... and they sometimes take judy home with them. their child is far more energetic and loud than judy, so they do think its a little odd that they want to hang out with her. 

the parent asks their kid about that one time.

“she sits next to me!” is their response - these are quite young kids after all. sometimes friendship at that age is about proximity. but after a beat, they do add, thoughtfully, “my friends think im loud, and talk lots, and the best at sport in the whole grade - and i am! but judy thinks im nice.”

the parent doesnt forget that answer. they make sure to keep judy around from that moment onwards.

[tumblingxelian]

To be, or not to be, a RWBY "Critic"

Jokey title aside I did actually want to make a brief digression about a recurring mentality I see among a lot of the RWBY "Critics" and how for a brief moment I skirted the edges of it.

So let's go back in time to Volume 6, Jinn has just been summoned and I am ready for the tea to be spilled. I was expecting Ozpin to have once been the villain who only became a hero later, I was expecting stuff like the nature of Faunus and for the gods to be long dead and so on.

Then the episode came out and basically none of what I was expecting happened.

I was a bit irked, a touch annoyed even, I thought about my ideas and HC and how I thought they could have really worked and was kinda annoyed by some of the takes I was seeing i the initial wake of the episode (RT is not responsible for fan responses though) and so I was resoundingly 'meh' on the episode.

Then I moved on, like sure I chatted about it a bit, debated with some people but only about the actual episode itself and not the version that I had imagined, or a conceptual "better" version I had come up with after the fact, just the episode itself among other people interested cos that's kind of what fandom culture is meant to be in theory.

Why?

Because an episode kinda bumming me out isn't cause enough to act like its forever tarnished the series beyond repair. Because its not my show and my hopes for what they'd do didn't deserve to be rewarded just cos I wanted it. Because for all I knew my and other ideas on how it could have gone may not have lined up with the meta, the themes, the overarching character arcs of those involved and thus would have made the story line an incoherent wreck. Amusingly my recent analyse on RWBY & The importance of support networks, I think, bears that out.

But that's what I did, but judging by the actions and words of others who follow the series, I don't think that's how they responded to their plans for the show not bearing fruit and yet for some reason despite that "Ruining" the show they continue to engage with it rather than do something they actually enjoy.

Am I saying don't criticize? Of course not, that'd be ridiculous & hypocritical of me.

But there's a marked difference between hating something and critiquing it. There's a difference between you missing some detail & the show failing to communicate it, sometimes there isn't, but given the majority either got these things or doesn't complain maybe the problem doesn't lie in the show. & finally there is definitely a difference between thinking some aspect or decision wasn't well executed or had problematic implications you think the writers missed VS declaring the entire show bad or a failure because it didn't do what "you" wanted it to.

[theexistentiallyqueer]

I really hate waking up to see that there was good meta that was circulating during the night and I have so many things I want to say but I have to go to work like a responsible adult in this capitalist hellscape. I’m specifically referencing this, this, this, and this, and I just got home from work and it was balls to the walls fucking crazy today, so excuse me if I seem incoherent and disjointed.

All of this made me think of a few very specific theories I have, which I’ve already mentioned in passing, but now I feel the urge to lay them out all together in one post, which are:

Loki is Goro’s original persona, and Yaldabaoth hand-picked him for a reason

Yaldabaoth, disguised as Igor, served the function of psychopomp cognitive guide to Goro that Morgana serves to Akira, Teddie serves to Souji, and Mitsuru serves to Makoto

Goro used Loki’s berserker power on himself so he could kill Wakaba

Robin Hood is the persona born from Goro’s bond with Akira and represents the justice he wishes he believed in

Goro is not a true wildcard and never was one

Plus some other ones reading today’s meta made me think about

So, without further ado.

Loki as Goro’s original persona aligns most strongly with two things: 1. actual dialogue during his boss fight, and 2. the larger framework of the game Yaldabaoth was playing.

For his boss fight I’m referencing specifically the JP-ENG comparison of that scene. One of the things the anon who did the comparison repeatedly references is that “psychotic breakdowns” is an incredibly erroneous translation of what Call of Chaos actually does:

!! 暴走させる means “to make [something] run wild/rampage/act reckless,” not to drive the psychotic. While it can be used to refer to someone wildly lashing out at others, it can also be used for a runaway car, losing control, acting without regard or just being reckless in a potentially dangerous way. In the Persona series, this term has also been used in reference to losing control of one’s Persona, and to a Shadow going berserk (for those who’ve played Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, the JP name for Shadow Frenzy, シャドウ暴走, also uses the term).

Goro’s ability makes people act recklessly without regard for others; it doesn’t make them outright psychotic. (Strangely enough, the first scene at Leblanc in the game translates the incidents related to this ability as “rampage incidents,” which is closer to what it should be, yet they consistently screw it up in later scenes.)

And the original dialogue follows up on that:

Makoto (JP): あんな、人を操ったり狂わせたりする力を、自分自身の心から生み出してたなんて…(“To think that the power to manipulate and drive mad others was born from his own heart…”)

And more subtly:

Futaba (JP): なのに人生ソロプレイだったから、目覚めた力は、自前の『嘘』と『恨み』の、たった２個だけ… (“Even so, ‘cause you went through life in single player, the powers you awakened were just your "lies” and “resentment”…“)

I feel like the original text upholds this argument, especially considering Goro consistently refers to Loki as his “true” power, and he is way OP with Loki in a way he’s not with Robin Hood–almost as if he’s had more time to level-grind with Loki than he has with Robin.

As for Yaldabaoth, I think the context of what Yaldabaoth actually wants is very clear: Yaldabaoth wanted Goro to win. He created a blatantly unfair “game” modeled after the normal “game” played between Philemon and Nyarlathotep, and the first thing he did was give a persona to one player two years earlier than the other. Yaldabaoth wants to destroy and remake the world, and he would have cherry-picked the angriest kid in the barrel to make that happen. Goro didn’t have some psychopomp cognitive guide in the form of a talking cat to explain the metaverse to him, and I think it stands to reason that Yaldabaoth groomed Goro as much as Shido did: Yaldabaoth was Goro’s psychopomp cognitive guide. Goro’s not-dumb enough to be immediately suspicious when a random app installs itself on his phone; it stands to reason that he only paid it any attention because some half-bald fucker with a nose longer than Goro’s Robin Hood mask planted the idea in his head of what it could be used for. Akira tries to delete the app twice, and it’s only after Ryuji accidentally triggers the Nav that he stops trying to get rid of it.

(I’ve seen the Goro was a subject in Wakaba’s research theories too as an explanation for how he could know so much of the metaverse without Morgana around to catsplain it to him. I’m not a fan of them, mostly because I think subtle writing is a concept Atlus is very much not at all engaged with, and if he really was a research subject that would have been dumped on us with all the subtlety of trying to assassinate someone by dropping roof tiles onto them, and I like my HCs and theories to be as in line as what can be explained most comprehensibly with canon until I decide to throw the entire baby out with the bathwater and say MY PLAYGROUND NOW. It’s a cool theory, it’s just not one that I’m into. The people who play with this theory are smarter and more valid than Atlus will ever be. And who knows, maybe Royal will prove me wrong. I am open to being proven wrong and Krist is already starting to feed me food from Royal that has me second-guessing, but I’m going to wait until the international release in March to have takes on this.)

As for Goro himself–I’ve always, from the first time I played P5 when I thought Goro as interesting enough in concept but wasn’t really ready to be a Goroboy, thought that Goro represented the Justice Arcana in reverse, which is interesting in that this Persona game you can’t reverse confidants’ cards. Goro is reversed Justice in and of himself within the main context of the narrative.

I don’t really jive with the idea that Goro started out with Robin Hood as representative of his ideals before he was manipulated and twisted by Shido, because it contradicts the context in which he had his awakening and it removes whatever degree of culpability or autonomy Goro did have in what he ultimately became. Goro is full of rage, and Goro acted on that rage. Goro got the slightest taste of power and went from 0 to acting on a desire from revenge in about thirty seconds flat. He definitely didn’t realize he was signing on for murder and Shido definitely groomed him into being his psychopomp hitman, Goro is the one who took the initiative to approach Shido in the first place because Goro wanted to destroy the man who destroyed his life and who did, in some sense, kill his mom. Not that I think it’s disingenuous to say that Goro did originally believe in a justice that was, well, more just, but there’s a vast chasm between the boy who used to pretend to be a hero of justice and a boy who decided what he wanted most was to humiliate his fascist of a father. Goro’s sense of justice was already hugely warped by the time he awakened to his persona. Justice is exposing Shido publicly and holding him accountable; justice for Goro was making Shido’s life a living very personal hell.

Loki’s power isn’t even necessarily to make someone go berserk. Goro actually explains how Loki’s power works at the start of his boss fight, and it’s carried through pretty well in the English translation.

Goro (JP): ちっぽけな存在でも、心の枷が外れると、桁違いの力を得る事がある。 ("Even a tiny being, once you remove the bonds on its heart, can gain unimaginable power.”) Goro (EN) Even the feeblest existence can gain tremendous power once the chains on its heart are broken. !! 枷 has a double meaning of both literal restraints (shackles/chains/etc) and more metaphorical ways to bind someone (such as relations to others, or societal restrictions on what you’re allowed to do). While “chains on its heart” is a valid translation, it fails to maintain that wordplay in English, and given how the power he’s talking about works, it’s almost certainly on purpose.

Loki’s power works by shattering the restraints on a person’s heart that stop them from acting recklessly in ways that hurt other people. I think a case could very much be made that the reason this seems to always result in violence on the part of those of Goro’s targets (and Goro himself) is because when you’re in that state, you stop feeling sympathy or empathy, and the dark impulses you bury deep inside (which everyone has) can reign unchecked.

When I first started to choochoo along the “Goro went berserk to kill Wakaba” train, one of the first things I started to speculate was that he was the first person he used Call of Chaos on. I started to reevaluate that today when I read all of that delicious food and found myself rethinking how Goro would have approached Shido, and I found myself drawn the conclusion that Goro brought Shido two things–the ability to gather secret knowledge and the ability to drive people berserk–but Shido would have wanted proof. And Goro’s an idiot, but he’s not dumb; he would have had that proof ready in advance. Goro would have been causing some psychotic breakdowns on a smaller scale before he approached Shido, just enough to make the news and catch Wakaba’s attention in her research, but not enough to cause widespread chaos on the scale that’s referenced in game, before he stepped foot through Shido’s door.

I find it very hard to believe that Goro didn’t know the basics of Wakaba before he killed her: single mom, no father in the picture, daughter roughly his age. Goro is the type to hoard information because it makes him feel in control, so he’d be given this name from Shido and want to know everything he can uncover about his target first–also he’s the one with the metaverse nav app and he’d need to know as much about her as possible to figure out what her distortion is.

(This is assuming Wakaba had a palace as opposed to residing in Mementos. I have no grounds to base this theory on, but I think she did. I won’t go into it in too much detail, but I HC that Wakaba’s palace was modeled after the Library of Alexandria, and Wakaba’s shadow was Hypatia. I’ll save the thematic whys of that for another post because they’re neither here nor there.)

I have a hard time buying that a teenager would just go from zero to being okay with murder without having some pretty critical hangups in the process, especially a teenager who kind of thinks of himself as a hero who has to get his hands dirty. You can’t really justify murdering an innocent woman who did nothing wrong when you measure her against people like Okumura. Especially when so much of that single mom’s life story should probably logically resonate with you.

(This is another reason I get upset that nothing in canon ever has Goro actively acknowledge his murder of Wakaba, because if it did it would have to grapple the between Goro and Futaba and the fact that Goro did to Futaba was exactly what was done to him, but way more directly. Atlus is not subtle and is also not capable of nuance or depth.)

So the logical line of thought is that Goro used Call of Chaos on himself to break the chains on his own heart (the feelings that would make him sympathize with Wakaba and see his own mother in her) so that he could kill her. I’d also argue that layered on top of of all of this is that Goro didn’t know killing her shadow would kill her, because Shido guarded her research closely and Yaldabaoth wanted a boy who would be willing to smash things. They were both grooming him to be their perfect little murderer.

By the point we meet him in the game Goro is heavily tied up in Shido’s conspiracy and all that that entails. His already jaded sense of justice will by this point have been warped beyond repair–until he meets Akira. Akira is probably the first person Goro has ever bonded with in his entire life, and a wildcard’s power is rooted in the ability to form bonds. Positive bonds specifically, because it’s only through those that their power can grow. I think we can all look at Goro’s life and agree that his relationship with Akira is the only positive one he’s had since he was like…….never years old.

And I specifically think that it’s through his relationship with Akira that Goro starts to reawaken to his true sense of justice. It’s textually canonical that Goro is jealous of the fact that the Phantom Thieves found a way to achieve their goals without collateral damage. I think that bonding with Akira–in a way Goro has literally never bonded with anyone else before–is what caused Goro’s second awakening and his tentative re-embrasure of the belief that justice is about helping, not hurting. Except he’s in two such different places at this point. I’m very on board with the BPD!Goro hc that’s become a thing lately, thanks to Krist and the goroboys discord server, but I’m not going to go into specifics because I’m not BPD. I just think that from what I’ve read of BPD it sounds valid, and if a person who is BPD says they get that mood from him, that’s extra valid

But Goro’s sense of self is clearly very split between Loki and Robin Hood and what they thematically represent. He wants to be a hero, but he still dresses like a tokusatsu villain half the time. He wants to be a hero, but he’s also a murderer. He can’t reconcile these aspects of himself.

Goro isn’t a true wildcard because he lacks the ability of connection. While the wildcard ability is granted by a cosmic entity (Philemon/Igor/Yaldabaoth/etc.), the degree of its manifestation is dependent upon the wildcard’s ability to connect with other people. The case could be made that Adachi and Namatame are wildcards because they’re both selected as game pieces by Izanami, but only Souji manifests the wildcard ability because only he is able to connect with others. The implication to be taken from that is that a cosmic force can grant an individual a persona and the corresponding wildcard ability, but that ability can’t manifest itself unless the individual is capable of wielding it–which Goro is not.

And very much unlike a wildcard, if you take the necessary steps Goro’s two personas do fuse into an ultimate whole. If you complete the development of Goro’s character to the extent the game requires, then Loki and Robin Hood fuse to become Hereward. I have some thoughts about this in relation to the fact that I can’t find any evidence that Hereward is tied to the Robin Hood myth, but all that aside: Goro’s warped sense of justice and his true sense of justice fused together in a way that’s, uh——-

Robin Hood is very bara and Loki is very twink. Hereward looks extremely similar to Robin Hood, but has a dark grey, an almost black, color design. Hereward literally represents Goro embracing that justice is grey, and that it’s okay for Goro to both want to be the hero and to want to see people struggle with the hard questions of how the hurts they’ve inflicted, intentionally or not, have impacted the people affected by them.

Goro was never a true wildcard to begin with. Yaldabaoth chose him because he was isolated. That he found his other half in Akira was dumb luck of the draw.

[swampgh0stt]

Hi there! Hope ya don't mind just a random follower hopping in but I was wondering what your favorite Ace headcanons are? I hope you're doing well and take care!

I don’t mind at all! Thank you so much!

Favorite as in– other peoples’ headcanons? 

If not, I actually just put up a (very incoherent) post on FYASL with some of my Ace headcanons (I’ve got like 14 pages on googledoc of just Ace headcanons & that’s not even including the long meta) found over HERE that has a few of mine. 

As for others’ hcs, I try not to engage too much anyone else’s version of Ace. I’ve been writing mine for 10 years now & I like to keep outside influence away. Therefore, I don’t usually read others’ HC posts. 

Some things for my own hcs that I didn’t include in the linked post but I am particularly fond of:

Ace is missing one of his back teeth. While still captive to the Blackbeard pirates, he was subjected to lots of different kinds of torture in an attempt to break him down & make him join the crew, but during that: Teach ripped one of his back teeth out. 

In an Ace Lives!AU, post!timeskip, Ace is partially deaf. This is due to all the abuse he suffered at hands of the Blackbeard crew as well as the beatings from Impel Down guards. He tries very hard to keep it under wraps so no one finds out, and has to rely on haki most of the time. 

He’s multi-lingual! I love the diversity of OP, but the lack of acknowledgment for other languages really smokes my salmon sometimes. I’ll have him drop into Tlingit ever-so-often when writing, but I’m sure he picked up many different languages while on the seas. 

As a child, he was not fond of physical contact at all & very touch-aversive. 

He very easily loses himself in thought & his mind can quickly spiral.

[khruseos]

Meta // Ezio Auditore/Assassin’s ‘Hide in Plain Sight’ + Attire Colours

So, this’ll be a bit of a messy headcanon but I’m copying it over from my old archive, but I wanted it here before properly formatting it (despite it having been a HC of mine for years now). It references one of the Assassins’ main tenets, ‘Hide in plain sight’ in combination with the choice of wearing white, which, when combined with said tenet, seems very counter intuitive. And moreover, it references my opinion on Ezio’s perspective on these two things. Forgive the sudden start of it, the mess and incoherence, as it was written ages ago, I’ll get to formatting it one day:

—It’s the colours he wears. I mean, I believe the Levantine Assassins, for example, chose to wear white as to (in a way) depict the purity of the Order and its beliefs. The colour white is the clearest on the spectrum, it marks purity (not solely religion-based), cleansing: which creates the blankest canvas from which humanity can build a world that is theirs (though to each their own as difference is respected and praised). I think the Levantines focused on that symbolism more than anything else, which is what was carried on as a heavy tradition still beyond that time, but Ezio feels like he follows this choice of white and embodies it in more ways than one, which I base entirely on his personality and behaviour in canon.

Notice how assassins in the more recent games mixed their robes with darker colours and even later, deviated to wearing dark colours entirely? I’ve thoughts on it too, but for the sake of explanation Ezio’s perception of it— It’s easy to hide in the shadows of anything when you match it in tone, colour and nature. But how do you hide in them when the colour on your person opposes everything about them? You’d be easily noticed. So the challenge increases, it challenges one’s ego (and Ezio has a fair bit of one) immensely. But it goes beyond that, such as walking outside of the shadows. White is bold, so is red– they’re noticeable, they’re bold. Everyone would notice you, you stand out. You’re exposed. That’s where the art lies: hide in plain sight. One of the most important tenets.

Retaining the upper hand when everyone knows you’re there– when everyone tells themselves that they know that you’re near, but they can’t see you? That is the art.

And Ezio goes beyond that– his name is a beacon for all of his enemies, the entire Templar Order knows of it, he’s not solely a born enemy to them but one that’s crossed their path at every turn and therefore, is a concern, is a threat. Everyone knows when he’s there– somehow they always do, allies and foes alike, but look how they never know where he is, unless he wants them to know. It’s that unsettling fear of not knowing.

There’s a difference between someone who faces you directly each time, forcing your fear by actions head-on, and someone who is an invisible force in... well, some way, in plain sight. The type of person you know is looking at you, but you don’t know from where– you don’t know how, when or where. That, is the most unsettling thing.

Now as an example for comparison’s sake, and as this topic was asked about by my friend who writes Cersei Lannister— she and the members of that family are very present, always: they show themselves, they exhibit their power, it’s how Tywin Lannister always proclaimed the House’s power. They’re bold in the obvious sense, they almost tell you to be scared. Ezio– doesn’t tell you anything until it suits his needs. Look how often it happened that people knew of 'the assassin’, but never knew when, where or how. And that kind of silence is the one most unnerving. It’s the one when you know an eye is watching you, informing itself. But there’s no action, no gesture, no voice– and it’s that silence which runs up your spine in a cold chill. That’s an advantage no one knows exactly how to counter.

[theabandonedones]

❥ !

Send me a ❥ for me to talk about one of my mutuals || Accepting

@musetory, my fellow multimuse in arms. Genuinely when we first started talking, back with Ari was on their own blog, I thought god, they’re so cool, I hope they’ll at least put up with me - and to be friends now, is a gift that keeps on giving. 

My top two favorite things about having Simba as a mutual are:

How easy they are to talk to. I’ve never felt bad leaving messages hanging on rough days, or weeks. I’ve never felt weird giving plot suggestions, or incoherently screaming about our ship. I’ve never felt any anxiety (other than my normal ‘i have social anxiety and people are terrifying’ anxiety) stealing tag games or liking posts. Simba is, and always has been, someone that gives a very relaxing interaction experience. 

The devotion to muse research. Every time I log on and see a novel-length HC post or meta about one of Simba’s muses, five years are added to my life. I’m always thrilled to see someone who spends so much time thinking about and adoring their muses - especially someone with such a vast array of muses to do such with. Despite the number, no muse of Simba’s goes undeveloped, and that, is beautiful. 

Simba is the reason I don’t feel I should be cast out for having such a huge multi - and for that, they have my heart. 

[96percentdone]

this is gonna be probably a severely incoherent ramble of several different things. Feel free to ignore.

this blog has gotten like too discoursey. Not that I’m ever going to stop having opinions, it’s in my god damn description but that’s not ever what I really wanted to be. I didn’t wanna be caught up in explaining why xyz is terrible. It’s all so fucking negative negative negative.

To be clear I think a lot of the dangan ronpa fandom has fuckin issues. it’s the same with any fandom: a lack of understanding of larger issues, a flawed understanding of fiction’s relationship to reality, and a priority of personal happiness over other people’s pain. Every fandom is like this and it’s just tiring to talk about all the time as tiring as it is to see all these bad takes and opinions all the time. I’m really fucking exhausted. 

I thought about making a discourse blog. then maybe y’all would stop unfollowing me. I can’t even blame you like even if you agree with me I wouldn’t wanna see all that discourse either. it’s exhausting. but even if I make a discourse blog like i’m still gonna be surrounding myself in negative bullshit all the time and I don’t....fuck I don’t want to.

yeah I know, dangan ronpa kinda fucking sucks, and v3 extremely sucks, and yadda yadda yadda but like...I don’t hate dangan ronpa. I don’t. I like it a lot. I even like v3 quite a lot despite it’s many faults. But it doesn’t even feel like it lately. It just feels like I’m dragging myself pretending I like something because I never talk about what I like about it anymore.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been leaning on Higurashi. Higurashi always felt like the one thing I could like without having to discourse about it. It’s not flawless, but I’m just not buried in the fandom like that to care. It’s just the thing I love more than anything else.

DR is still my special interest. idk when that’ll change, but right now that’s where we are. And I kinda wanna go back to feeling like it’s something I love again, even if the damage is already fucking done. But I don’t really know how I would. I need to write more fics. Or more meta-analyzing what I like. Or make more hcs. Something. 

And I also...fuck I don’t even wanna say it because it’ll sound like I’m vaguing and blaming people but I’m really not. I just...need to stop thinking about people who disagree with me. Not even on the major shit like Actual Discourse Subjects™ but minor things.

I’m way too defensive and I feel like I have to defend its honor and make people understand and see things my way. It’s not that I have to be right. I just need people to agree with me and understand because otherwise, I feel like I’m doing everything wrong purely by virtue of having a different take.

It’s not anyone else’s fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault for being defensive over things I like. It’s probably a result of consistently being told my interests were stupid or not having anywhere to talk about them because no one was interested. I’m sorry I’m like this. 

I need to just...turn the direction of this entire blog around. And my entire life. I can’t be drowning in this much negativity all the time anymore.

[emikira]

why emikira *is* endgame (long post)

This is going to be a little incoherent because i’m still reeling from the recent ep (oh my god the arcade date the ARCADE DATE :sob:) but i’ve had this theory for a while and tbh i fully believe it: Emikira. Is. Engame. And I’m about to prove it:

[SPOILERS AHEAD FOR LITERALLY THE ENTIRE SHOW THIS IS YOUR WARNING]

Let’s start with the scene that started it all (one might even say it was their first date :eyes:): THE MOVIE SCENE.

(#newbies screenshots are a series of gifsets of this scene)

(omg they’re literally so adorable :pleading:)

So let’s get into it! This scene is SO good and is honestly what sold me on Emikira to begin with!!! One of the important things in this scene is that Akira is clearly bothered by something and it’s almost definitely family/sibling related (though Emiko doesn’t seem to really catch on and/or is trying to respect Akira’s privacy by not prying). Now, prior to this scene it’s been established in the show that Akira doesn’t like to be at home and spends a lot of her time wandering around at night. THIS is what makes this scene stand out because when Akira is struggling, rather than being alone like usual, Akira seeks out Emiko specifically to be around (remember that at this point Akira also knows where Nobu lives as well). This interaction is striking because it’s sort of our first glance at Akira really opening up to anyone, and she chooses to open up to Emiko. Akira trusts Emiko enough to be a little vulnerable about herself, and in return Emiko also opens up a little about their own insecurities. From this early on in the show, the writers are setting up a relationship between Emiko and Akira that is (in my opinion) closer than their relationships with the other newbies.

Also I can’t talk about this scene without mentioning this photo from the official Hero Club guide (which has a bunch of supplemental Hero Club content including the newbies groupchat):

THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER EMIKO FUJIMURA I’M ON TO YOU :eyes: :eyes:

So there’s not a TON of Emikira content for a while since the writers went HARD on Donkira :unamused: UNTIL the episode that drove our intrepid Heroes (and the fandom) apart: s1e11 “What is a Hero?” Now, I’m not here to debate who was or wasn’t right about how all the SoRL stuff went down (though if you want to read some of that meta here’s the link), but I *am* here to talk about the Emikira implications. And OH BOY are there implications.

So when Jokushi is explaining the mushroom quest and the whole potions ingredients thing to Emiko to try and get them on board, one of the arguments he uses is that the potions are important and could make the difference between life or death in the future. Emiko doesn’t agree as we know because literally half of the party are healers, two of which are full casters. Akira is standing here during Jokushi and Emiko’s argument, and though she doesn’t really contribute either way, Akira does listen. Jokushi backs down and agrees that he’s not going to try and get the mushrooms, but Akira (as she explains later) knows that if something went wrong in a battle someday Jokushi would blame it on Emiko and Akira doesn’t want that to happen. Now, Akira really cares about her friends, to the point that she goes with them on stupid missions (looking at you Nobu) just to keep them safe, but once again the writers are indicating that Akira and Emiko have a...deeper connection than the other Hero Club members. Akira doesn’t just do the quest and get the mushrooms, she reaches out to her estranged older brother that she thought hated her all so that Emiko wouldn’t be responsible for someone getting hurt someday. Akira isn’t stupid (despite what she herself seems to think), she knows that there are capable healers in the party. She doesn’t fulfill this quest because she thinks Jokushi is right, Akira reaches out to Reiji and gets the mushrooms because she doesn’t want Emiko to be hurt. Like???? What else needs to be said?? Akira not only is willing to be open and vulnerable with Emiko but she also straight up faces her past and puts herself in harm's way for their sake!!!! Even *if* Akira only has platonic feelings for Emiko (press X to doubt), it’s still really significant the lengths Akira’s willing to go for Emiko (without them even knowing :sob:).

But what about Emiko and Akira’s fight, you ask? How does that fit into this Emikira Endgame narrative? Well, first I’ll point out that nothing has been as polarizing in the HC fandom in general as this conflict (besides maybe Yakira AU lmao) and it was just as polarizing in the show itself. Emiko and Akira’s fallout was a BIG DEAL in the show, I’d argue even more than the whole Ryoku and Yadama were behind the demon attacks twist. Emiko and Akira’s relationship is important enough that when they don’t get along, the entire Hero Club feels the effects. I mean, look at the other characters involved with the SoRL conflict: Jokushi and Emiko are for the most part getting along as usual, and while Emiko and Nobu certainly aren’t as close as they used to be (RIP they were my favorite friendship :cry:), the shift in their dynamic wasn’t enough that they stopped speaking and literally split the fandom in half. Why would Emiko and Akira not getting along be THAT big a deal if their relationship wasn’t IMPORTANT. If it wasn’t MORE than a simple friendship. I mean, Emiko almost CRIES when they tell their Amme that they weren’t getting along with some of their friends, and let’s be real, we all know they were talking about Akira. I mean, Emiko as a character pretty explicitly avoids talking about their feelings and confronting others about things that bother them. Emiko loves to pretend that things are perfect so they won’t have to deal with the possibility that they might not be living up to expectations. And yet, Emiko asks for advice from their Amme about how to fix their friendship with Akira. Emiko is the one who reaches out first!! For maybe the first time in the show, Emiko pushes past their own anxiety and their tendency for avoidance so that they can mend things with Akira. THIS IS A HUGE DEVELOPMENT!!! Like, not only is this great for Emiko’s own development as a character who’s clearly struggling with mental health, it also really demonstrates how important Akira really is to them. Just like Akira is willing to face her past and specifically her brother for Emiko’s sake, Emiko is willing to face their issues for Akira’s sake.

So now we get to one of my favorite episodes (for obvious reasons lol): s2e4 “The Feelings of the Forest.” THE Emikira episode. While the Emiko and Akira conflict was polarizing, fandom reaction to their reconciliation was fairly lackluster (mostly because fandom thrives off of conflict, not so much on making up lmao). Like first of all can we just appreciate this:

[picture of Emiko holding on to Akira as she bikes away from Emiko’s house]

(They’re so fucking cute I can’t even!!!!) But back to the point. The reconciliation scene is SO important to me because like, first of all character growth but also oh my god Emiko and Akira are so in love it physically pains me. Like, Emiko OPENS with “I don’t want, y’know, any of my issues to come between you and the rest of the club,” and of course Akira has to reply with “Me neither.” THESE TWO I STG :sob: Even when they’re not getting along Emiko and Akira still want each other to be happy!!! LIKE??? Also, this is just an Emiko character note but it literally kills me that Emiko views their own feelings like a hindrance to everyone else. Your feelings are important because they’re your feelings, not just because they affect others 🗣🗣 Anyways, back to the scene there’s literally so much here :spiraling: When Emiko asked why Akira doesn’t trust them and Akira admitted that she does I was literally screaming!!! Like, Emiko’s biggest issues stem from their feelings of inadequacy and here is Akira, someone that Emiko really cares about, affirming that she trusts Emiko!! Emiko’s personal narrative has always been about struggling with self-worth and the burden of expectations, and even if the situation isn’t exactly ideal, I think it’s huge that Akira is validating Emiko. Akira believes in Emiko!!! Another big thing from this conversation is like, just how Emiko and Akira listen to each other. It’s a little rough in the beginning I’ll admit, but Akira hears what Emiko is saying about how assuming their emotions/reactions makes them feel and apologizes. Emiko hears what Akira is saying about trying to keep Nobu and Jokushi safe and apologizes for shutting conversations down and says that they’re going to work on doing better at being part of a team. Emiko and Akira are honest with each other, listen, apologize, and promise to work on being better in the future! Like, the Hero Club is not a mentally healthy group of teens, but Emiko and Akira’s reconciliation is remarkably mature and full of understanding. The two of them have a lot of love and care for each other that drives them to be there for each other and try to understand each other, which in my opinion makes their relationship one of the strongest in the Hero Club (yes that includes Donkira and Anthriko).

Emiko: “I want you to know Akira that I… I want you to talk to me. About whatever.”

Akira: “I- yeah. I understand that now. Do you understand why I felt I had to do what I did?”

Emiko: (sigh) “Yeah, I do. And… I get it. It fucking sucks but… I get it.”

Akira: “I understand if you can’t move past this. You’re entitled to how you react to things.”

Emiko: “I can, and I will, move past this, but I can’t not be able to trust my friends. And I… And I really want to trust you… but right now it’s just really hard.”

Akira: “I know.”

Emiko: “But I am going to try.”

And this is BEFORE they’re even dating!!! (it WILL happen i’m manifesting it) Emiko and Akira have the most solid basis for a relationship of any of the characters, because when things get tough, they put in effort to keep their relationship together! It’s the inherent homoeroticism of facing your insecurities and fears because your friend is important to you!!!!!

THE BIKE SCENE. That’s it. The bike scene. Ugh, the fucking tenderness in this scene almost brought me to tears. I’m a huge fan of the show and I love all the different characters and their relationships but for real no one is doing it like Emikira!!! The hug, the tight squeeze as Emiko says “I missed having you as a friend,” it’s SO MUCH :pleading: Like, I’m literally telling you that Emiko and Akira are endgame here, PLEASE explain to me how I’m supposed to read this scene as anything BUT two best friends literally in love with each other PLEASE i’m WAITING. They are so soft for each other, my poor heart can’t take it!!!!

Fast forward a couple episodes to ep.6 “Hunter and Hunted p.1” and we get like oh my god so much trauma but also a fantastic Emikira moment that drives me UP THE WALLS!!! That’s right I’m talking about Emiko stepping out of the fog cloud and giving Akira bardic inspiration! The fact that even in the midst of an awful harrowing battle, Emiko and Akira look to each other for strength is SO :pleading: :pleading: Like, Emiko literally looks to Akira for a steady presence when they’re Going Through It, and Akira was inspired by seeing Emiko join the fight, LITERALLY drawing strength from Emiko’s presence!!!! Like, it is crazy significant in my opinion that Emiko and Akira inspire each other in battle. They trust and believe in each other so much that they LITERALLY draw strength from it :sob: THAT’S LOVE

And finally let’s jump way way forward to probably my favorite Emikira scene to date, which is of course the late night arcade date (like, let’s just call it what it is, a DATE). Emiko, quite obviously, is not doing great after the whole Secret Kramsey groupchat fiasco, and Akira shows up at their house to take them on a date to cheer them up. *SCREAMS* Akira cares SO MUCH about Emiko!!!! Without even asking, Akira finds the perfect way to cheer Emiko up: by bringing them their favorite candy and taking them out to have fun. Like, that genuinely is so frickin sweet, it’s so heartwarming!!!! Also just look at this PLEASE

Literally when do we ever see Emiko and Akira looking that carefree and happy? When Emiko and Akira are together, they’re so happy! Despite the crazy messes of their lives, Emiko and Akira find a moment together where they can just be themselves: two dorky teens that care a whole lot! Also, once again Akira and Emiko feel safe around each other! Like, we see Akira really open up about her feelings and alluding to her past a little in this scene, and it’s a testament to how much she does genuinely trust Emiko and feels safe around them. Akira shares her insecurities with Emiko and we see a side of her that she hasn’t shown any other character on the show. And Emiko, who cares so much about Akira and believes in her so much, tells Akira that she’s smart and talented and “capable of whatever you want to become.” Emiko shows Akira that she is wonderful just as she is, and also that Akira is full of potential to be whatever she wants! Like, the tenderness in this scene is soooo insane, like Emiko is really out here supporting Akira and believing in her wholeheartedly even when Akira herself is unsure of her own worth and I’m NOT supposed to think they’re in love with her?? I don’t think so.

So. You’ve made it to the end of this incredibly unhinged and messy Emikira scene analysis. Hopefully I’ve made it fairly clear how obviously meant for each other Emiko and Akira are, but in case I didn’t, here’s the TLDR:

Emiko and Akira’s relationship has always been about two teens who have parts of themselves that they’re too afraid to face, but their love for each other is strong enough that they face them anyway. How caring about someone motivates us to change and be better people for them and for ourselves, and how loving someone is about making an effort to understand one another! IT’S LITERALLY ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT LOVE!!!!!!

[trtledove-blog]

hc Meg + John (Meg's take on the 'accidental' kiss)

oh my gosh brace yourself because i’m going to try to make this like an abbreviated version? of a meta post to come? but. i don’t know how well that’s gonna go. it might just be the full thing. let’s see what happens. 

so meg likes john from the very beginning. it starts off very simply: he’s good, and she realizes that very deeply. the nickname “mr. greatheart” really reflects all of the girls’ sentiments toward him, and it’s one meg adopts fondly. what starts as just a general sort of appreciation and respect develops over time into something of a crush, an attraction that she doesn’t know for what it is. she’s really very innocent when it comes to all matters of love, so i don’t think she realizes until quite late just what she feels for him, even though the feeling is there in some form all along. 

in fact, i don’t think she fully realizes why she thinks of him as often as she does until the “accidental” kiss. just a couple of chapters before that there’s the marmee line about meg “not loving john yet, but she will.” and i firmly believe marmee understands her daughters very thoroughly - - if she says meg doesn’t love john at that point, i’m inclined to believe her. but “she will” implies that there’s the beginnings of something there already. meg is already fond of mr. brooke, as is made plain in that conversation (”…please add that i send my love to john,” said mrs. march as she glanced over the letter, and gave it back. ”do you call him john?” asked meg smiling, with her innocent eyes looking down into her mother’s. “yes; he has been like a son to us, and we are very fond of him,” replied mrs. march, returning the look with a keen one. “i’m glad of that, he is so lonely […]”) it’s not the first time that meg’s care for john is made known - - she scolds laurie for giving him trouble, for instance - -  but it’s definitely a telling one. 

in between this point and the accidental kiss, meg “…was quite unlike herself. she started when spoken to, blushed when looked at, was very quiet, and sat over her sewing with a timid, troubled look on her face.” JO SAYS: “she feels it in the air - love, i mean - and she’s going very fast. she’s got most of the symptoms, - is twittery and cross, doesn’t eat, lies awake, and mopes in corners. i caught singing that song he gave her, and once she said “john.” as you do, and turned red as a poppy.” at this point, it’s fairly obvious to most of the marches that meg has some sort of feelings for john, and it was probably obvious that she was at least attracted to him from the beginning. it’s all just coming to a point, now: meg beginning to recognize her feelings, knowing that her parents like and approve of him a great deal, and to recognize that there’s a very good chance of her affections being returned. which we all knew from the start, but. you know. 

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE KISS ITSELF, at last. 

“for several minutes everybody seemed to lose their wits, for the strangest things were done and no one said a word. […] mr. brooke kissed meg entirely by mistake, as he somewhat incoherently explained. …” 

and then there’s this, after brooke GRABS LAURIE AND GETS THE HECK OUT, because he just kissed the girl he loves and isn’t at all engaged to yet, whoops: “mr. march told how he had longed to surprise them, and how, when the fine weather came,, he had been allowed by his doctor to take advantage of it; how devoted brooke had been, and how he was altogether a most estimable and upright young man. why mr. march paused a minute just there, and, after a glance at meg, who was violently poking the fire, looked at his wife with an inquiring lift of his eyebrows, i leave you to imagine; also why mrs. march gently nodded her head, and asked, rather abruptly, if he wouldn’t like something to eat.”  

meg is, um….obviously affected by the kiss, by her feelings for brooke, by all of it. poor dear little thing. there’s some complications when he actually comes to ask for her because she has some Notions about refusing a man’s first proposal, because jo is challenging her, and because she’s had “notions of coquetry” from sally and the others that she hasn’t had a chance to use yet. but she really, truly, honestly is in love with him, and - - as we see - - her attempts and playing with this fail utterly because of her feelings for him. 

she’s both pleasantly surprised by and a little embarrassed because of the kiss. it’s her first real kiss and it happens in the middle of a moment of great emotion at her father’s return from war. it also happens very quickly, and then is swallowed up in all of the other happenings, and she barely has time to realize it’s happening before it’s over. she gasps when it happens, probably even begins to kiss him back, but the realization that they’re SURROUNDED BY HER FAMILY comes too quickly much more than that. 

i’m quite sure she thinks about it all the rest of that night, and shows all those lovesick symptoms mentioned earlier: lots of jumping, blushing, picks at her food, doesn’t sleep much at all, because she keeps thinking of it, playing the moment back over and over in her mind, wondering if he was still thinking about her, what he was thinking, what would happen next. 

ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MEG! : (always accepting)

[luciensfox]

Opinion on Az/Elain vs Elain/Lucien in ACOWAR? I'm the latter - I did a post about it on my wall you can check out. I just thought it was more brotherly affectionate for Az...

Oh boy. Here we go.

For starters, I’m a huge Elucien shipper.

I have been ever since the whole “you’re my mate” slip up by our dear fox prince. All of the HCs and meta I’ve seen about these two has created a massive Elucien monster out of me… so the fact that we were essentially teased with this little idea of the two of them together, only for it to be practically nonexistent in ACOWAR has me really annoyed. 

Love triangles suck in general. I really dislike them and find them to be reflective of poor writing and lack of plot. But in this instance, I didn’t really see it as a love triangle? Rather it was more complex, almost like a love quadrilateral. Or whatever the hell that shape is lol.

I wanted Lucien and Elain to happen almost as badly as I wanted to read the Feysand reunion, and both of those fell flat to me. (But I’ll talk about Feysand some other time.) When I started reading about how Elain was uncomfortable in her skin and near platonic, only going so far as to mumble incoherent phrases and barely eat anything for days, I knew my priorities shifted. Sure, Lucien could have been the one to help bring her out of the cationic stage she was in. But it went deeper than anything a person, even her mate, could fix. This was something she had to face on her own, and come to realize that she had the power to overcome something tragic that happened to her. I wanted Elain to face that on her own terms, and with the quick recovery she pulled during the end… I guess she did? Honestly, it really wasn’t touched upon as much as it should have been. 

I ship Elain with health and happiness before anything else, but the same could be said for Lucien.

Lucien was obviously more invested in their bond than she was, but with reasonable hope. He’d known about the bond for centuries and has mentioned before that every Fae wishes secretly to find their mate, the one person who can be their equal. Lucien has suffered so much that I think the prospect of finding someone to share his emotions with was so overwhelming that even though his initial response was self depreciating because he didn’t think he deserved her (or at least that’s what the fans came up with, because Maas was really off her character development game in this book and I can barely tell you what went down with each character) he also understood that Elain might not reciprocate the bond because she was newly turned and frazzle by it all. He didn’t want to frighten her or push her to do something, which only made my poor Elucien heart more heavy.

Grayson can choke. That’s all I have to say on his matter.

In regards to Azriel and Elain? Maas really knows how to screw with my emotions because even though I’m crazy for the other ship… I’ve secretly started to imagine the two of them together. And honestly it’s not as bad as I once thought it might be, and that’s not to do with the whole Moriel thing never going to happen. Mor aside, I just didn’t ship Azriel with anyone because he, like Lucien AND Elain, needed time to “be in a relationship with himself” first before he could give himself to someone else. All three of them are very similar, which is why the prospect of who to couple up who with seems so strenuous. You don’t want to see the odd one out hurt. Frankly, if Maas put Lucien and Azriel together and made Elain happy with her gardening and her new seer abilities, I’d be over the moon.

But alas, the cute scenes between Az and Elain did things to my heart that I didn’t think were possible. I ship them. But not as much as I ship Elucien. It’s like a 30 to 70 ratio for me. 

And while I’m crying my eyes out over the fact that Elucien is likely not going to happen, I also can’t wait for a Lucien centered novella and perhaps some Elain x Az fluff later on in their own stories. 

[kaedekayano]

exhausted and sleepy right now ugh but before I'm off to work here's thoughts on yuri!!! on ice especially since ria wanted to know what I thought I'm mobile and too lazy to format properly so chunky paragraphs that should be bullet points but aren't bullet points it is!! anyway so it's a. good show. I actually do not have a lot to say quality-wise, the shows I watch are usually more fantasy/magic/sci-fi-based so I comment a lot on the worldbuilding but in this case not really. especially because I literally did not know shit about figure skating before this but now I know some things thank u for the information yoi it's v cute and v gay, viktor nikiforov is a flirtatious asshole and I love it. he is my #2 favorite I think, his eyes are A++ and he's so silly and dorky but charismatic as well and I appreciate that in characters. also if there's a season two I would love to watch him skate because what I did see of him skating is wow. also he is gay as fuck "want me to be your boyfriend?" "we're getting married after he wins the gold medal" "I don't want to kiss this medal because it's silver, what do you think I should kiss instead?" gay. I aspire to be that smooth around girls good lord yuri katsuki is a Good, I really liked his character development and also relationship development with viktor. he's very sympathetic and relatable and generally the kind of protagonist who's just easy to get along with instead of the "oh my god why are you such a fucking idiot screaming at the screen rn" kind of protagonist, what a sweet kid. 23/24 not a kid but whatever he's a cutie yuri plisetsky is my #1 favorite because he is pretty much exactly what I was like at 15, which is to say constantly full of rage and fury and relentless self-drive. ("But ange," you say, "you only turned sixteen back in September-" Yeah I know how much do you think I changed in five months. Answer: not much) anyway I love him he's so rude and such an asshole god bless. also I have a lot of respect for ambitious people who are willing to sell their soul to achieve their goals. #1 favorite trait in characters right there The other characters made less of an impression on me but phichit is cute. also I want otabek's motorcycle omg give me a motorcycle please. ("Ange Chinese traffic is shit and if you ride a motorcycle you will probably die." Oh well) Yeah. that's like it im sorry the other skaters were cool but I didn't care that much, might look into more on them later bc I know there's good meta and headcanons and whatever floating around also brown poodles are really popular in China and holy shit Viktor's poodle is enormous I would like to pet it also viktuuri is a blessing to this world? starts crying ;; omg. I wasn't sure I would like them because haha when was the last time I liked. a main canon ship instead of side canon or non canon ships. probably like, 2015. they are so adorable oh my gosh. again, the development is good and it's so cute aah would like to restate once more that I deeply appreciate viktor's eyes and also that I love my son yuri plisetsky a Whole Lot. I was kinda surprised they chose to have him win the gold at the end but ehh if anyone was going to be first instead if yuri then it would be yurio. I'm so proud of my son he works so hard and he deserved it god bless. also aroace yurio hc now and forever that's all. overall yoi was very cute, still overwhelmed by the size of the ao3 tag, would definitely watch a season two if they ever decided to have one but the ending is very solid!! Oh also on a side note for anyone wondering, this blog is still staying AC oriented because I'm too invested in this stupid fandom and if this garbage pile of a fandom itself hasn't changed my mind no other anime will. liveblogging / discussing other anime is fun and I'd consider opening myself up to bnha a bit more maybe but not until s2/more seasons r out because there's still a lot I don't know about the story from not reading the manga so alright sorry this post was very incoherent, I am very sleepy and will now go do my art homework