#is their parents/moms alive now???

[bumblingbabooshka]

Voyager's obsession with every female character being a mother either literally or metaphorically is so dire like even SESKA got pregnant. Someone put a planned parenthood in the Delta Quadrant PLEASE. Someone start handing out condoms, this is an EMERGENCY.

[no27-autonation-honda]

congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.

[nguyenfinity]

Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)

Lighthearted bonus:

[electoons]

giving my ldb a daughter. embarrassing for all involved. mostly me

[halogalopaghost]

[pardonmydelays]

i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them

[faerociousbeast]

pesterquest karkats route is fucking insane by the way. i got the bad ending first and THEN the so called good ending was so fucking undwrwhelming after that i just had to sit there

[sage-nebula]

I've decided to make my own post because I am not an idiot, but full disclosure that this post is 50% based on thoughts I was having while I was driving home from the auto repair shop yesterday and 50% a response to a post I saw just now that conflated "redemption arcs" (things fictional characters go through in fictional stories) with "community support" (things real life people offer to other real life people in real life) and how this relates to "fixing people" (making someone who mistreats or abuses themself or others not mistreat or abuse themself or others anymore).

Read my words very carefully.

In fiction, it is more than okay to like whatever type of toxic or fantastical relationship you want. If you like to read stories about toxic, codependent people who are absolutely horrible to one another and will never, ever change, you read those stories. If you like to read stories about a tortured man who just needs The Right Person to teach him to be better, and then he is, sometimes exclusively only to them though, then you read those stories. Sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and fails spectacularly, and sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and succeeds spectacularly, and either way, you read whatever stories you want, whatever makes you happy, I'm sure it's somewhere in this vast Archive that we call Our Own.

However, in real life?

First of all, "arcs" aren't things real life people have. An arc is something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Real life people don't have those, because our stories don't end until we die. Unlike a character, whose life presumably continues even after their story ends (except in circumstances where they die at the end but you know what I mean), we have to keep living day by day, with all the rises and falls that come with it. Now, this does not mean that a person cannot change, or that a person can't get better and learn from their mistakes; but it DOES mean that we can't have a "redemption arc" where we complete a checklist of story beats and then suddenly we're a better person who has experienced the necessary growth to be forgiven. First off, no amount of growth or change ever requires any victims to forgive. And second, that's just not how life works. That's not how change works. Change and growth are baby steps taken each day, and sometimes you go backwards, and you get angry with yourself, but then you pick yourself up and you try again the next day, and the next, and the next. It's an ongoing journey that does not end until you die. That's life.

But second and more importantly, the real idea that I think the original post was trying to get at, but missing the mark on was . . . okay.

So, the original OP of the post (and the person who replied to OP) got angry at the idea that the strawman they had invented (the person who had theoretically said "you can't fix him!") would deny support to someone who needs that help to grow and change as a person. The person who had replied in support of OP added that the strawman clearly believed in punitive justice over rehabilitative justice as well. On the surface, I can see where they are coming from. After all, on the whole humans are a social species and do need support networks in order to not only thrive, but survive. People such as drug addicts need support and assistance in order to get into better places in their lives, and the prison system has been proven to be far less effective at preventing repeated offenses than rehabilitative programs. This is all true.

However.

The reason why "you can't fix them" is still true, and needs to be said and understood particularly by those who are susceptible to falling into abusive relationships (e.g. people who have been abused before, particularly in childhood or adolescence) is because of free will. Specifically, the free will that each of us has, but specifically the other person. Person A can want so, so, so badly to "fix" Person B so that they stop being an abusive alcoholic 75% of the time. But if Person B doesn't actually want to stop being an abusive alcoholic (even if they say they do during the 25% of the time they aren't smacking Person A around), and refuses to put in the work that it takes to become sober and be a better person, then guess what? Nothing Person A does will ever make them be a sober, non-abusive partner. They will be unable to fix Person B. It doesn't matter how much time, energy, money, or commitment they pour into that person. It doesn't matter how much they genuinely, honestly, earnestly love them. Because unless Person B wants to change, and will put the work into doing so, then they will not change, and Person A, for their own health, safety, and sanity, needs to exit that relationship.

Now, does that mean that if, ten years down the line, Person B decides they are ready to put in the work to get their alcoholism under control, no one should help them? Of course not! They should absolutely be put in touch with sober counselors, support groups, medical professionals, friends and family who can help them. Person A could potentially forgive them, if Person A chooses. But that willingness to change and put in the work has to come from within Person B first.

I've been in the position where I've seen people in awful situations just tanking their lives, people I loved and cared about, people I begged to just listen to me and get help, only for them to not . . . and ultimately I had to accept that I couldn't fix them. I could be there to offer support when they were ready to fix themselves, but the core work that needed to be done had to come from within themselves. I couldn't provide that. Not because I was inadequate, not because I didn't love them, but because I couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want, or weren't ready, to do.

So at the end of the day, "you can't fix them" isn't about not giving support. It's about recognizing your limitations as a human being. It's about knowing that:

You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do.

You cannot force someone to do something they are not ready to do.

Not being able to help or save someone is not a moral failing of yours.

Not being able to help or save someone does not mean you do not love or care about them.

Providing support should never come at risk of your own health and safety, physical or otherwise.

When you love someone, it can be really hard to accept this. You think, "I know I can make them want to try. I know I can inspire them to want to change. I know they love me, so if I just love them a little harder, they will want to change." Nine times out of ten, though, that is just not true. And if someone is abusing you, it is not worth the literal risk to your life to keep trying. You are worth more than that. You are more than just someone else's band-aid.

Keep yourselves safe in 2024.

[roseofcards90]

This bitch really said he was going to be gone for a “long time” and then he went straight back home right after he cried at his mom’s place lmaooo

[roseworth]

i think cass and duke both have (different) complicated relationships with whether or not they see bruce as their father (or even the bats as their family) but we’re not allowed to talk about that bc people would just use it as another excuse to exclude them

[discountdyke]

actually its like kind of embarrassing at this point like having intake sessions and being like yeah so im here for adhd and depression and anxiety. which is normal thats fine. and then they start asking questions and next thing i know im like "yeahhh haha and i also struggle with like, eating disorders. umm yeah and substance issues. oh um, like, drugs and alcohol. umm pretty much like a lot of different drugs. yeah i would say i'm impulsive. oh yeah, one of my therapists was worried about ocd but thats not a big deal. uh, yeah, so like, there was sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse. mmhm. it was my dad. uh, biological?"

its kind of humiliating lol like can you just give me the anxiety questionnaire like yeah dude im fucked up. dont even worry about all of that. but the worst part is that this is literally not even the worst of it. like im not talking about anything that is not affected by meds or directly asked. and also saying no to seeing or hearing things but like, thats a given

[rivilu]

Hey hello can i be sad on main or will the heavens unleash 7 thousand ravenous hawks upon me

[thedreadpoetroberts]

"Mom, we're currently in the worst depression this country has ever seen."

"It's not as bad as the 1930's, things just seem worse because there are more people."

"Mom I've been thinking about coming home for a little while. Try to get my financial stuff figured out."

"No not allowed 🤪"

(My sister and cousin had to spell out that I was in crisis for her. Maybe if your child that never ever asks for help implies they need help it's important. But I didn't ask directly so that's my fault.)

"Mom companies across the board are price gouging."

"Well what did you expect when people refused to work for fast food places for less than $12 an hour, they have to make that up somehow."

"Mom my pet can't have that much food or he'll gain too much weight."

"I'm grandma I'm supposed to give him treats."

"Mom the political party you are voting for are trying to erase me, my friends, and everyone else who is trans. (Referencing the 2600 pages of hate.) And a lot of what is going on with Republicans right now is mirroring fascism in a really terrifying way."

(Haven't actually brought this one up. There is no point in trying.)

"Mom I found out I actually can't have much gluten and this has been affecting my physical health for a long time. I want to try to cut back as much as I can"

"Oh I have issues with that too. I just eat the things I like anyway."

"Okay but there are options-"

"I don't want to."

(We switched to an almost meatless diet for my step dads health last year.)

In horror stories parents will ignore their children until things go so incredibly wrong they can't anymore, and then ask their children why they didn't say anything. By the way.

This is all coming from the same person who said she would always believe us if we told her there were monsters in the closet.

Well mom. I'm dealing with a lot of monsters. And you don't believe any of them are real.

[dreamcast-official]

honest to god. i think i understand my sister a lot better now.

[strifethedestroyer]

my uncle died. hm

this is the first time i've ever reached the tag limit. the last word is meant to be funeral.

[moteldogs]

the saying about how the grief never gets smaller. yeah