#is there ever gonna be a day i don't feel like a fucking caged animal

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

Hilarious how I get panicky just thinkin about some regular consensual nonviolent sex w/ someone who treats me like a person cause it makes me feel like I'm gonna owe him

[ohbo-ohno]

Serial killer AU and the contrast between how Ghoap treat us and other victims. Maybe they're holding our friend group hostage in the basement, and every day we're forced to see pain and torture of our friends and then Ghost drags us upstairs by our hair and....

The softest pillows ever, Soap helds pur hands so we won't struggle as Simon tortures us with cumming over and over again. We're literally covered in blood, they are covered in blood, and Ghost is so mean with everyone( Soap laughs as our friends struggle against his axe and then covers our face with kisses because we're adorable and he wants us to cry forever((

Scaredy cat whiny wet napkin reader who constantly needs to drink because we cry our daily hydration worth, and we don't really get used to them or fall into Stockholm syndrome, we're just terrified enough to comply with them. It's my favorite dynamic tbh, not just falling in love, but mostly submitting out of fear. Ghost is so soft with us, gots us sweets and vegetables even though Soap is moody because of the lack of meat, because we can't bring ourselves to eat normally after we saw what they did to our friends

🎷🐛

i am fucking LOSING IT

you're so real for preferring scared submission over stockholm syndrome btw. stockholm syndrome can be fun but something about complying only because you're scared... it's so delicious...

also... soap wanting meat... if any of you want a cannibal ghostsoap apocalypse au go read this it's sooo good. ghost kidnaps soap and takes him back to his cannibal compound to keep him :( it's written as a love story from ghost's perspective and a horror story from soap's lol it's great

anyways more about serial killer ghoap below the cut :) listened to bilgewater by brown bird while writing this if any of y'all like gothic country music

soap torturing someone with you in the room (because he hates letting you out of his sight) and he keeps taking breaks to come comfort you and gives you kisses IM :((( wipes your tears away and gets streaks of red all over your face, wants to fuck you cause you look so pretty but his victims don't deserve to see you that vulnerable, that's just for him and simon. ties you up in the corner so you don't run, maybe locks you in a little cage (i will put petplay into everything i write like god has challenged me to it personally). gags you because you get real scream-y and tend to beg for their lives, but sometimes has to tug it out so you can throw up :( tells you to close your eyes when he does something particularly nasty, the gore and your terror in the corner nearly enough to get him off without even touching his dick

being soft with you is like their reward to themselves for torturing people so well lmfao. like, they did so good making those people's last moments agonizing and now they get to cuddle up with you <3 washes off their hands and your face, bundles you up real close to them, gets to lay in all the nice soft warmth now.

ghost is so so tender when washing you off (when he doesn't want you covered in blood - sometimes he leaves it for hours, until it flakes off and you nearly scratch it away until you bleed). he's cooing to you while brushing a soft washcloth over you face, humming a little and saying things like you were such a good girl for us. such good bait, led our toys right to us, thank you so much, doll. look so good covered in their blood, wanna paint you with it sometime. that sound nice to you? no? ok, ok, deep breaths, honey, calm down. just relax for me, you're safe. gonna be real sweet to you now, you don't have to be scared anymore.

and they are sweet. place you on a mattress covered in the softest most plush blankets you've ever seen. they set a little stuffed animal in your arms, let you curl around it and hide your face in it. they know it makes you feel better, and they're nice enough to let you hide your face from them for now :( content themselves with pulling you right up into them (making you hold the stuffed animal when they kill people, look at you all smiley and say make sure he doesn't get dirty, baby, picks it up out of a pool of blood and tsks at you all disappointed, tell you to clean him and say gentle, like we are with you whey you get too rough)

actually can't stop thinking about this au it's like a curse

[aikoiya]

Neopronouns can absolutely die in a fire. I'm not kidding.

Like, just how narcissistic do you have to be to think that you're too good to use the same damn words for yourself as everybody else?

Like, "Oh, look at me! I'm just so special & unique that I'm going to use a word that I just pulled out of my ass to identify myself & go effing mental whenever someone fails to use it! What? There are already 2 perfectly good pronouns? Fuck that, those are for plebs!"

Seriously! If you need a brand new word to describe yourself in all your youness, then maybe you need to stop, go outside, & think about someone other than yourself.

Even worse are those idiots who identify as inanimate objects, animals, & it's.

Why would you choose to depersonify yourself?! That's rediculous! Like, plenty of people already have to deal with other people dehumanizing them & trust me, they don't enjoy the treatment they get because of it.

Slaves were regularly dehumanized & reduced to little more than cattle. So, why would you want that?? If you are not human, then that suggests that you don't want the laws that protect humans, to apply to you. That you don't want your rights.

If you really, truly identify as an object, then people have full clearance to break into your home & rob you blind because things can't own other things.

All I'm gonna say is, if you insist that I refer to you as an animal or object, then I'll do just that.

I'll completely ignore anything & everything that you have to say because neither animals nor objects talk. As an object, I won't even acknowledge you. If you identify as an animal, I'll only talk to you as if you were an animal & depending on the animal, I'll react differently. Meaning that, if you're a cat or a dog, I'll infantilize you. And if you get too aggressive, I'll call animal control to come get your ass!

I might even ask why you insist on walking on 2 legs. Because, if you really identified in such a way, you would walk the way the animal you identify as walks.

And the insistence by 'cake genders' that they go by cake because they feel neither male nor female & instead feel 'fluffy & sweet?' Yeah, I hate to break it to ya, but 'sweet' is a very traditionally feminine word, so by identifying with things like sweets, you're gonna come across as feminine regardless.

And that's not even getting into how much of a target literally identifying as food would be to cannibals. Like, just wear a sign saying "eat me" why don't you? I mean, in this day & age, all they'd have to say to get away with it would be that they were "affirming your gender identity."

Like, serious. I already have trouble remembering names & faces. I do NOT need neopronouns to keep track of too.

And then there's this trigender nonsense! Like, dude, there's already an identity for that & it's called genderfluid!

If you use neopronouns, the only person you're helping is yourself.

Besides! What's the deal with the freaking stereotypes? We spend all this time proving that you can be a girl & like masculine things while still being a girl & that was okay only to turn around & say that "no, if you like masculine things, then either you're gay or you're trans?"

Isn't that a step backwards?

And, honestly? What even is the point of trigender? The idea that you feel like both male & female, as well as non-binary, all at the same time? Isn't that just the basic human experience?

Like, gender is just not a thing I have ever thought about so it boggles my mind seeing how obsessed with it people have become.

And for the love of all that is holy, please stop using gender like it's an indication of your personality! Because it isn't!

It is a label. A very simple label that needs no further thought put into it than the surface. One no different that being called a blond or a brunette or a red-head or blue-eyed.

It's the same thing. And you shouldn't treat it as anything more than what it is.

It's not a cage & if you treat it as such, then that's an indication that you're using it incorrectly.

[silverislander]

had the WILDEST experience at university the other day. got really overstimulated(? i think) after class and was feeling like i wanted to go hide in a closet so nobody would be looking at me/it would be dark and quiet for 10mins so i could calm down, so at the end of class my friend texts me and asks if i want to meet up in the library. it's reasonably quiet/private in some areas there and she says she wants to go up to the study rooms that are usually free

... you know hannibal lecter's cell. with the fluorescent lights and brick and the Big Glass Window like a zoo exhibit. that's how the study rooms are built, one side completely open to the hallway. so people don't fuck in em i guess

i did not know this

also you have to pay to book them but apparently she just?? walks in sometimes?? and sits there and nobody ever bothers her abt it. so my anxiety is THROUGH the fucking roof

i'm staring out the glass window of this cage of a study room panicked that 1. everyone who walks by can (and does) stare at us 2. the fluorescents are Bad 3. WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE WE'RE GONNA GET YELLED AT AND KICKED OUT AND MAYBE THEY'LL MAKE US PAY FOR IT AND I DON'T HAVE MONEY AND feeling like a fucking zoo animal

it was... not good

[incarnateirony]

Cowardly maya missed when we sent this exact thing summing up her exact theft, huh.

You've been told a thousand times. Denying or ignoring what you know, while pulling in and denying it from innocents that don't know better to spare yourself, isn't news, it's just how you are, but it won't help this time.

Feel free to deal with your obsession for the rest of your life, no matter how short you choose to expedite that being. Three years shea, three years stalking me across multiple servers. three years. shut your whiny piece of shit up. You've got blood all over, sis, game's over, spit it out already. There's no world you can go back to that your rumpocky meant anything. you have been lying to yourself and your cult since the jump.

Three years you stalked and abused me here, three motherfucking years, I'm going to repeat that, you delusional piece of shit. Three years, because you attached yourself to me, and you're backing up to that stage of trying to get other people to whine your way out of it for you, and it's not gonna work this time either.

No.

three. Motherfucking. years. of your fucking obsession while lifting my shit and copyrighting yourself to it, and you still can't even fucking admit to yourself why you conned YOURSELF into octopus jibberish, you fucking fraud ass cocaine bear.

Stop running.

I told you, I do not accept halfway this time, your obsession has one reason and one reason alone, you just don't want to accept the truth of that reason, but what's true is true, and what's false is false, and the medium who channeled my old anime octopus jibberish joke will always be on the false end, and won't face why she did it. It's not that fucking complicated you fucking harlot.

All the way off this time. Because if you want to pretend 2 months is a long time, when we're not even that far yet, try tacking on years minimum. And we both know you won't psychologically make it that far. It's why you're trying the coward anon clueless whining route again.

So far your complaints are that my stuff has a 1-3 day delivery time and not exaCTLY AT SEVEN

It's truly not as complicated as you're pretending it is. You already ran from the rumpocky shit, thinking that would end it, because you don't understand the depths of the works going on around you, and now you're doing everything to cling to your barbie dreamhouse. But won't face why the rumpocky was never real, and that the hermes you've been talking so is nothing but fake shadows and delusions, and where that road leads, and why it keeps crashing you into me in life any time you're desperate for attention.

Start writing it, Shea. You already ran from it. "The rumpocky was never real. Brian was always part of Aaron's Brain. I have been intentionally misgendering my ex to disassociate from reality and what I'm doing to him, myself, and others." and so on, then keep writing, and stare at it.

#magus stop taking my shit homegirl, u place copyright papersymbol and you take others creations? How you tricks (Reptilians) I know you, you still connected to me. Psycho.

Boundaries are important, and I've set an Absolute one. No means no, and saying No despite your idiots around you trying to whine from ignorance to all events is the most liberating goddamn thing I've ever done, and even he feels free. But neither of us will truly be until the monster that keeps ripping me and my protoges into cages trying to grab anything they think is hermes shape is dead. What that means for the vessel, we'll find out, but so far, it's refusing to evolve. It, like Luna Aphrodovey, is grieving itself to death refusing to look at the truth.

I am literally not the weak little girl you thought you knew. You thought I'd want to cling to clout or image, rather than sacrificially burning any loss as more rocket fuel against you to end an abuse so profound in this life and against my brothers before me, no cost is too great. I will not let you do this to me or anyone else again. You will run for the rest of your life, like the creator of Pyramidhead, or you can just, you know, be honest. Start running the numbers on that. Try that hat on.

We both know you don't really Belief in anything BUT what I'm saying beneath YOUR mask. It's why you've rotated all your beliefs like toilet paper while running for the last few months. Without all the belief you leaned on me, and projected wrongly at me confusing me with him because you refused to do the work yourself and tried to copy paste mine? You literally ain't got shit. So now, your ego reacts, and reacts, and you stand there like a useless knob in the headlights even when Junpei throws you down the trail to save you, and you still fuckin won't move.

No more "wishing". No more "Belief." Works, Acts, Being. Nothing else. I am that I am, whether or not you accept it, and you have attached yourself to me. If I miss on this dice roll, I try again the next moment, and the next, into eternity. That's how this whole trap works, my dear. I'm sorry you're just now catching up that participation trophy or tumblr argument time is over. You do harm, and tell lies, and you know it beneath the skin. Harm to your pupils, to me, to hermes, to his word, you simply do harm because you cannot face yourself or crucify your ego, and have been doing it for years, 11 years apart even. There's no pleaing or praying or wishing out of this, my dear.

Yeah, my friends all say I'm obsessed with this new car. I am. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with never, ever, ever having to take shit from you again. I'm obsessed with ending you playing these princess games of yours to keep me cowed. I'm obsessed with you letting lord mercury out of the microwave and I'm obsessed with ending you until you change.

And it's all your fault, and it's all your karma, and the only thing you can do to stop it is be honest. Even this obsession, it's just reflecting and magnifying your own. Influence the room, my dear. YOU have to move the water, Elsa. Because otherwise, it's just an obsession to erase you that I brought a few hundred million hands on deck for and have already been working for over a month at that capacity, and I don't know why you think tumblr idiot that doesn't know history #8923 is gonna stop it. No negotiations.

What does a spartan put on his resume? No surrender. Wtf is half. You'd be shocked what righteous and just "obsession" does to a force of will in the hand of a magus. Stop taking my shit, homegirl. Can't you just face yourself like the last famous plagiarist on the internet and save me some time?

Ever listen to the lyrics of It's Going Down Now, my dear? or Full Moon Full Life? You gotta stand tall, get up, get up, and go get it. Homegirl, get off my pogo stick #magus You have your own game lobby or ancestral memory or god dna, why the fuck do you keep reaching in here and trying to rip shit out while multiple people in this lobby are all getting fucked up by your crazy addiction gone numb.

I shouldn't have to be fucking speedrunning Noiz from Philosophus to Adeptus just to be able to stay in control while you cause bullshit and almost rip him out to your side because you literally can neither cope or even grok what hermes is that you're trying to summon past shadows of me or things in my area. That is literally what is happening.

You experiencing mortal embarrassment isn't the same as something being untrue. You're doing that thing again. Where you blur not understanding and not liking things on purpose and both try to throw them into a bucket you run away from.

You experiencing mortal embarrassment isn't the same as something being untrue. Nobody forced you to read my shit for three years to start shit any time you think I breathed a vague memory you existed once or twice or to dedicate those years starting shit in DM groups in places I barely even go to anymore, until you realized I didn't care there, and escalated to stalking multiple fandoms.

You experiencing mortal embarrassment isn't the same as something being untrue. Nobody forced you to stalk my business investor to the point you sat in a furry porn server for six months while they all trolled you in Betrayal Reloaded, and Rumpocky Great Value Hermes couldn't tell you.

You experiencing mortal embarrassment isn't the same as something being untrue. Nobody forced you to drive in here, in fact, I told you not to. For months. Actually a lot of people did.

You experiencing mortal embarrassment isn't the same as something being untrue. Nobody told you to copy my face or old stories or sign your whole branding to octopus jibberish, in fact we told you not to.

Now you're sitting in a land based on comical lies, and that's truly all you have, and you don't like that, so you're trying to Belief it away, and you know, it's not going great for you.

You literally got your bird sick, when and how I warned you, and you still won't look at it, or the spicy homing messenger pigeon with an attitude that you shoved in a cage too quick to realize it wasn't a dove, or somehow the final egg transiting to surprise, I'm henry, and I'm trans, here's your fucking egg since you just about killed luna out of the house with the last round. You're a piece of crap person, cocaine bear. Signed, "Coyote." Or "Hermes" I guess since you keep fucking insisting on pretending you're confused about what's going on here.

Signed, #magus #telus #telos everybody's favorite pogo stick. I SAID no pole tricks.

Guess I'm Aaron Tippin now. Kiss this.

I think that legit says "honestly pawpaw lotus, angels are laughing and saying be funny guy mushroom."

[minimoefoe]

maybe this makes me a bad person/pet owner but I really cannot be bothered to try and wrangle my cats almost daily to brush their teeth like UGHHHHH

it wouldn't be that bad if this was something they'd grew up with and were used to but these bitches are 9yrs old they don't want a tooth brush shoved in their mouth are you serious

the thing of toothpaste says to start by doing a few teeth a day so they get used to it and build up to brushing their whole mouth but its like okay saying that is one thing but trying to stick a toothbrush in the mouth of a wriggling cat is kinda difficult actually.

guess imma jsut have to hope that over time they do get used to it. the vet said even just doing it once a week is better than not at all but I am gonna try and doing at least a few time a week. it'll be easier with one of the cats bc she's in my room far more and also is just easier to keep hold of. the other one (who's teeth rn are worse so she kinda needs the brushing more) is smaller and is quicker to runaway if she thinks I'm gonna grab her for something. usually once I've got her she's fine but actually getting her is gonna be a pain in the ass I fear

I feel kinda lucky that neither of cats scratch or bite me literally ever in like an attack-y way. the only time I get scratches is from them climbing on me so I'm not worried about tryna brush their teeth, it's more just gonna be annoying lmao

if I ever get a cat, or any other pet, in the future TRUST I will be brushing their teeth early and training them for all kinds of things like and taking care of them so fucking good

the older I get the more I'm like woah every pet I've ever had has not really been taken care to amazing standard, its always been the bare minimum bc I was a child and my parents just bought me pets to make me happy most of the time and like, seeing a lot of stuff on various social medias about animal care over the years makes me sad for my past animals like sorry to the hamsters i kept in tiny cages jfc.

and I've been doing what I can with my current cats ofc but any future pets will get the best treatment from day one and I will never be just buying an animal on a whim. I have dreams of having either a hamster or a house rabbit like omg that would be so amazing

I had rabbits when I was a kid and I feel bad for the way I looked after them (like I kinda just got bored of them as I got older and if I think about it too much I literally cry bc I feel so bad) so getting a rabbit and treating it amazing feels in my mind like a way of making up for that idk

[fandomvariousness]

horny triggers - aot guys x reader headcanon

warnings: smut

request: "I am surprised no one requested aot guys getting hard over their very sexy female s/I and the very fitting uniform,like you can't tell me that no one ever fell on anyone ,accidentally grinded their dick, accidentally got a eye full of ass or titty?I am gonna go with Zeke and Eren here!Headcanons for how they deal with their s/o bending over or something?Like everyone in this damn anime is fit as fuck!Those uniforms are tight and we are dealing with adolescents!"

eren jaeger

he may be acting aloof when everyone else is around, but when he finally gets you alone... you wouldn't even realize that you did something to make him horny, and you'd only know when he'd slam you against the door after a long day. his sex drive is ridiculously high and frankly he gets turned on by basically anything you do. usually, it's making him jealous by merely laughing at someone else's joke. god forbid.

armin arlert

ooooh boy he'd try so hard to remain calm whenever the strap of your top would slide away and reveal a full lenght of your teasingly protruding collarbone. he'd gulp, his eyes automatically travelling to the supple mounds below. you'd insantly know if he's horny cause his cheeks and the tip of his nose start blushing seemingly out of nowhere.

jean kirstein

he's such a boob man. always staring at your chest, tighly held together by the white uniform shirt. he'd always try to peek the color of your bra through the little rippling slits between the buttons, almost drooling while doing so.

reiner braun

he'd love your legs, especially thighs. one time when you were sitting next to him you accidentally brushed your knee against his. that made him so hard that it actually hurt. he had to grip his forearm to prevent it from wandering to your fleshy thigh and squeezing its plush.

porco galliard

nothing would get porco going like your good performance in a spar. sometimes he'd get so distracted imagining all the things he'd do to you the second you're alone, that you overpower his sturdy frame and win. he doesn't really admit it but that submissive moment goes straight to his dick. whenever he wins, he purposely presses his body to yours, brushing over all the right spots strategically, as if he didn't mean it.

levi ackerman

discipline is levi's second name, but you sure make it complicated for him. he likes to watch your neck whenever you're around and simply chatting with someone, or if you're all training at a cottage safehouse and you're trying to reach something off the high shelf, he likes to see the way the skin enshrouding it strains and reveals one or two prominent veins. he wonders how it would feel under his squeezing fingers.

erwin smith

this man is a big, loving teddy bear. he loves watching the way your hips sway when you're walking away. he actually feels bad about it, but he is simply unable not to look at you. you're so enticing and you don't even realize it, what makes him want to show it to you even more.

zeke jaeger

zeke likes to watch you think. whenever the two of you are plotting something and you're standing over the table strewn over with maps and figurines, making up the best strategies, he sometimes sits beside and watches your entwined brows as the cogs turn in your head. he'd then slyly get behind you and as you tried to shift a map at the other end of the table he'd lean forwards too, trapping you in his bodily cage, immersing his head in the crook of your neck and slowly grinding against you; an invitation.

[wheeler-beretta-harwood]

Hey S.T changing it up tonight. How about some questions instead (while I think of a new prompt)

1) Top 6 Favorite Wrestlers

2) Top 6 Hated/Dislike Wrestlers

3) When did you start watching wrestling?

4) What promotions do you watch?

5) First wrestling match you remember watching

6) Ever been to any wrestling shows/events?

7) Favorite Wrestling Story Line

8) Least Favorite Wrestling Story Line

9) 1st fanfiction you ever wrote

10) What do you love most about wrestling?

I can’t wait to read your answers 💜💚

Sorry in advance, I got a little carried away. So you don't have to read through all my rambling if you don't want to. These were fun questions, though, thanks for asking!

1) Top 6 Favorite Wrestlers

I feel like I need to give some background information, so prepare for a long answer to this.

1. Cash Wheeler/ FTR: Who would've guessed, huh? Cash's my favorite, across all categories. Honestly, he is criminally underrated. Have you seen him in the ring? He is ridiculously fast! And very precise! I love that when Dax is in the ring, he moves around like a hunter circling his prey. Everything seems very calculated, very planned. I like that. What I enjoy even more though, is when he tags in Cash and the whole pace changes. He's like a pitbull off the fucking leash. I genuinely feel like ya'll are sleeping on the man.

And FTR made me fall in love with wrestling again, with a style of wrestling I hadn't appreciated before. They always say they have no fancy moves, and it might be true, but their storytelling in the ring is unmatched for me.

On a very personal note, I have to thank these two little shitheads because they have helped me conquer my depression to some degree. For years, I have been struggling, losing all interest in things I've usually enjoyed, like drawing, writing/reading, and generally being creative. I just went to work, then went home and stayed in bed for the rest of the day/night.

It's funny to me that two guys who don't even know that I exist have helped me through some of the darkest times of my life and brought some joy back. I owe them more than I could ever tell. (And yes, I shed a tear while I wrote this). So if any of you ever says something negative about these two, go kindly fuck yourself.

[From here on, answers will get shorter]

2. Kenny Omega: God, I just love this man. I can't really describe what it is, but there is something poetic in the way he moves. There's just a certain grace about him that demands my attention when he's in the ring. Plus I love his geeky side. We actually have the same taste when it comes to Anime, so I like him even more.

3. Christian Cage: In my early teens, 20 years ago, I had a major crush on Christian. Over the years, the crush turned into general admiration, and he still brings a smile to my face everytime I see him. I've always enjoyed his work as a heel, and can't wait for him to turn again.

4. MJF: Maxwell is a star in the making. I mean, he already is one, but imagine him in 10 years. It's gonna be magical. His dedication to his in-ring persona is unmatched and he can turn shit to gold. Personally, I thought the whole campaign against Mox was a stupid storyline, but I enjoyed it because it was MJF. That's how good he is.

5. Scott Hall: I always say he was my first wrestling crush, but he wasn't really. I was 6 years old, he was like 30 years older, I certainly didn't crush on him. My brother owned an original Game Boy and had this WWF game called either RAW or Kind of the Ring. When he didn't play, I'd always snatch the Game Boy and played. And I always played as Razor Ramon. Later, when I saw him on TV, I immediately knew this was my guy. God, he was soooooo cool.

6. CM Punk: I loved him in WWE. The Pipe bomb will always be one of the best wrestling moments I have ever witnessed. And Punk is the reason, I started watching AEW. My brother tried to talk me into it for quite some time, but I always turned him down saying I was done with wrestling. Then, last year, he tried one last time and told me Punk would come back. I couldn't say no to that, and when he really walked out, I smiled like an idiot at the TV. Then, the start was a bit rough, because he didn't feel like 'My Punk' in the beginning, but I love his recent work.

2) Top 6 Hated/Disliked Wrestlers

1. Shawn Michaels: Hear me out, I don't hate the man because Dax hates him. I've hated Michaels way before I knew Dax existed. I just never liked him. Plus, the Sweet Chin Music is the worst finisher of all time. Yes, I know wrestling is fake, but don't make it that obvious. You really want to make me believe that your opponent is so beat down that he doesn't hear you stomp your goddamn foot 3293 times for 10 minutes straight?! Like he doesn't have a clue what might happen next?! It's a goddamn kick that happens many times in a match, but because you stomped like a little toddler whose mama didn't buy him candy, it'll end a match? Yeah, right.

2. Darby Allin: Hate is a strong word, but I just don't get him. When I started watching, I thought I'd love this guy because aesthetically, his style is my cup of tea. He was a let-down for me though. Plus, I hate the Coffin Drop as finisher.

3. Hulk Hogan: Just a douche in general.

4. Sammy Guevara: I don't dislike him, I am just very indifferent to him. Which I don't understand myself, his matches are good. I just can't warm up to him.

5. Charlotte Flair: same as Sammy.

6. Kelly Kelly: I am talking about young Kelly Kelly that got handed everything on a silver plate while not being all that good. I have no idea what she is doing now, and I honestly don't care.

3) When did you start watching wrestling?

As with a lot of things I have come to love, it was actually my older brother introducing me. I might have been 5 when I really started to get interested in the whole idea of wrestling, then it was part of my life until my mid-twenties when I stopped watching altogether. It was just recently that I started watching AEW (watched all the older Dynamite episode later) and fell in love with it again.

4) What promotions do you watch?

Right now, it's just AEW. I have fallen out of love with WWE years ago. When there was a way to watch here in Germany, I enjoyed Lucha Underground, TNA for some time, and I loved WCW back in the day.

5) First wrestling match you remember watching

Undertaker vs Undertaker, Summerslam 94. Because my brother loved The Undertaker, and he watched that match about 2374375 times.

6) Ever been to any wrestling shows/events?

I have been to two WWE shows here in Germany, maybe in 2004, 2005? And there also was a TNA Show close to where I live. But other than that, sadly no. I have made my peace with the fact that I will (most likely) NEVER see FTR live (just typing it actually breaks my heart)

7) Favorite Wrestling Story Line

Hmmm, honestly, about anything that includes CM Punk or MJF. I am a sucker for good promos, and these two ALWAYS deliver. So I am going with their feud against each other. MJF is just killing it, and I love how he blurrs the links between show and reality.

8) Least Favorite Wrestling Story Line

This was a tough one. And then I remembered it: There was this absolute shitty storyline with Kane and Lita...where he forced her into marriage? Then, at some point, she was okay with it...then 'pregnant' and then lost the kid? That was the most fucked up shit I have ever seen happening in a wrestling ring.

9) 1st fanfiction you ever wrote

In general, a one shot for the Anime 'Bleach'. In my high school years. I'm pretty sure it sucked.

Wrestling wise? The Cash Wheeler one shot 'Weirdo' that I wrote in March this year.

I actually didn't write a whole lot when I was younger, because I never got any feedback on it and thought no one liked it.

So I am more than happy to get some opinions here on tumblr. Although, in my adult mind, I probably would write some of it anyway. Like I would write Meant To Be, even if no one read it. I'd just do it for myself.

10) What do you love most about wrestling?

To me, wrestling is like dancing combined with drama class. There are (at least) two bodies moving together in order to tell you a story. In between, someone holds a monologue, explaining his intentions, thoughts, goals. More dancing. Dialogue. More violent dancing.

Honestly, I can't explain it. It's just, if it's good wrestling, it makes you feel. This year, I have seen the best match I'll probably ever witness. FTR vs Briscoes. Never ever have I felt a match like I felt this one. The four men had me wrapped around their fingers. I rewatched it every day for 4 weeks and was still amazed by it. It's a feeling I can't explain, and it's what I like most about wrestling.

[volleychumps]

Hey so I've been dying out of stress lately (I nearly started crying) because of school and finals that are coming way to fast and I wanted to request like how the Karasuno boys would comfort their s/o (you don't have to tho)

Comforting a S/O who’s Stressed about Exams (w/ Karasuno)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daichi

-okay who the fUck made his baby cry he wants to know 

-come on just let him talk to them 

- Enters your bedroom to see you on the verge of tears as you sat at your desk, freezing at the sight

- “Are you okay?” “Dai, why would you even ask that?” “...sorry.” 

- leans against your desk with a worried expression on is features, listening to your explanation on how high your anxiety was for the upcoming finals as his fingers swipe at the tears 

- As you speak, he maintains eye contact with you as he slowly closes your textbook, beginning to pickup stray pens and pencils and putting them in their respectable cups until you notice 

- “...Dai, what are you doing?” “Hm? Oh, don’t mind me- you’re just cut off for today.” 

- “I’m what” “You heard me. Come on.” 

- holds his hand out to you, gaze serious as ever as you look at him increduously, beginning to open your textbook back up 

- “Dai, I’m serious, I need to-” “Alright, so we’re doing this the hard way.” 

- deadass picks you up, sliding some easy slip ons over your bare feet before beginning to walk towards the exit of your house as he ignores your attempts to break free

- “This is kidnapping.” “That’s just an shorter word for giving you an opportunity to relax.” 

- Buys you ice cream and takes you window shopping in order to give you some fresh air, smiling a little when he sees how relaxed you become afterwards 

- Takes you home eventually, but leans his head on your shoulder while you study, giving you tips on how to do it with short intervals so you don’t run out of stamina 

- Forehead kisses here and there, allowing you to take naps on his lap while he reads through his own book for school, fingers running through your hair absent-mindedly, but that helps you relax too 

- so when you pass the exams, you’re walking up to Daichi in the halls with both arms raised

- “...what?” “I passed. Kidnap me.” 

- Doesn’t even question it before picking you up again, kissing you on the forehead 

- “That’s my girl.” 

Sugawara

- “You’re ignoring my calls because?” 

- You yelp, covering your mouth after doing so because you were seated in the library, your gray-haired boyfriend scaring you from behind with both hands on your shoulders before he pauses, catching sight of the brimming tears in your eyes

- “Wait, are you crying?!” 

- “Suga, say it a little louder. Australia might’ve missed it.” “Shoot, sorry...”

- Cautiously takes a seat next to you, eyes scanning over the material and frowns when he sees just how many practice problems you’ve completed 

- “It’s an important exam?” 

- When you nod, he rolls his eyes once, simply pulling you into his chest as his hand rests on the back of your head, when you try to pull away, he clicks his tongue 

- “Suga, I can’t-” “When you can’t hug your boyfriend because you think an exam that’s making you cry is more important, then we have a problem.” 

- Kisses around your face, including the loose tears that were strayed down your cheeks as you can’t help the laughs from slipping your throat 

- you blink as he’s suddenly shoving everything in your bag, ignoring your protests before kissing your cheek and bending his knees 

- “Alright, get on.” “Suga, no.”

- “Suga, yes. Come on, I look like an idiot crouching like this.” “And what if I said you always look like an idiot?” “Then I’d say I’m an idiot who’s in love with you. Now stop yapping.” 

- you roll your eyes as you awkwardly clamber onto Suga’s back, hearing his satisfied grunt when you do so

- “Perfect. Now, where would you like to go, little miss?” “...I think I’d like to be put down-” “Wrong answer!” 

- takes you on a stroll through the school courtyards, not letting you off his back despite the strange stares you were getting from students

- you quirk an eyebrow when he places you under a shaded tree, letting out a few hums as he begins to unpack your stuff for you

- “Suga, what-” “We’re going to have a study picnic. You missed my calls, I missed my lunch. No complaints!” 

- feeds you while you study, grinning at you when he tests you with flashcards, and high-fives you when you get it right 

- “Suga, I passed!!” “Well duh, goregous-” 

- Hugs you tightly as you melt into his embrace, his smile hidden in your hair 

- “Never doubted it for a second.” 

Asahi 

- “Asahi, please, not right now.” 

- poor baby was just trying to ask if you wanted him to walk you home from school, leaving the room with a frown when your tone seems annoyed 

-is halfway down the hallway because he doesn’t want to bother you before he pauses, and then spins on his heel back towards your classroom

- freezes when he sees you sitting alone in your empty class, hand covering your eyes as you sob freely, thinking everyone had gone home 

- “Y/N?” slowly reaches for your hand, flinching when you pull it away

- “A-Asahi, I thought I told you to go without me! Y-You don’t have to see me like...like-!”

- cuts you off with a bear hug, allowing you to cry into his shirt as his large arms embrace you 

- “I want to know when you’re feeling like this, okay?” when he finishes listening to your hiccuping explanation, he plops down in the seat next to you as you eye him questioningly

- gently leans your head towards his shoulder, shushing your protests and not allowing you to lift it 

- “Rest. Please? For me?” 

- so, in an empty classroom past school hours, you fell asleep on your large boyfriend’s shoulder to the sound of him writing

- smiles at you as you sleep, eyes scanning over the material before he realizes that he remembers the information on the exam you were about to take, seeing he was your senior 

- when you wake up a half hour later, you’re left in your seat with Asahi’s school coat draped around your shoulders, and a notebook with a sticky note on the front

- Look over these for now. I highlighted what was important. I’ll be back soon, I went to get you some tea and snacks <3

- when he slides the door to your classroom open, you tackle him in a hug, apologizing for being short with him earlier as he chuckles and pats the top of your head 

- “I’m glad I came back.” “...did you get me mochi?” “Of course I got you mochi.”

- so when you pass your exam with flying colors, you’re the one to poke your head into Asahi’s classroom as the bell rings, a bright grin on your face 

- “Want to walk me home?” “Nope, let’s go celebrate-”

-he plants a shy kiss on the top of your head as he swings his bag over his shoulder “-you earned it.” 

Nishinoya 

-Let’s be honest, he really can’t understand why you’d be so upset over an exam

- so when he catches sight of you in the middle of the courtyard from the second floor of the school, he’s darting towards you as fast as you can, holding you by your shoulders as he meets your eyes with widened ones 

- “D-did someone die?” “No!” “Did you get bitten in Animal Crossing?” “No.” “Are you dying?” 

- whines when you thump his head, your other hand wiping hastily at the tears in your eyes that he caught you with as you huff, turning back to your textbook as you begin your explanation 

- “...that’s why you’re crying? Babe, it’s just a test!” “To you, maybe. I seriously can’t fail, and I’ve been studying non-stop.” 

- frowns when he sees you going back to studying the tear-stained pages, sniffling quietly to yourself before he snatches the book from you, throwing it over his shoulder 

- “Noya what-?!” “Leave it. It’s not like anyone’s gonna steal it.” 

- deadass pulls you away from the courtyard, hand clasped tightly in yours as you arrive in the gym used by the volleyball club 

- “Sh. No questions.” Puts a finger to your lips as he disappears and reappears with a cage full of balls 

- “Noya-” “Hup! What did I say?” 

- smirks at you as he puts a ball in your hand, making his way to the other side of the gym before crossing his arms cockily 

- “Hit it.” “What?” 

- “If you can manage to make me lose a receive, I’ll let you go do your nerd thing, or whatever.” “Noya-” “Babe, please just hit it.” 

- you sigh before tossing the ball lightly in the air and hitting it with your free hand dejectedly as it projects off to the side 

- “Wow, you suck.” “Yuu, I swear-” “Hit it again. Like you mean it.” 

- you don’t question the glint in his eye before grabbing another ball and hitting it again, this time with more force as Noya’s eyes gleam before receiving it easily, smirking all the while 

- “That’s more like it. Unless you can’t make me miss?” “...what the hell did you just say?” 

- as you hit more and more balls towards your boyfriend, beginning to stop questioning his antics you realize one thing: it felt good

- “Y/N!! I love you!!” he yells as his arms form a heart with his head, grinning at you cheekily as you laugh. “Hit that ball like it’s the exam! Come on!” 

- so you did, hitting many until you’re breathing heavily, arm beginning to become sore 

- “How do you feel?” Noya jogs up to you, wiping sweat from his brow before you grab the front of his shirt, pulling him in to kiss him feverishly, smiling when his lips move back against yours easily as his arms snake around your waist 

- “I feel amazing.” is what you whisper when you pull back, Noya running a full lap around the gym at top speed at the energy you gave him with your kiss 

- “Alright baby! Let’s get our study on!” “Our?” “As long as it’s with you, I’d most definitely jump into a volcano.” 

- picks up the tossed book in the courtyard, opening it seriously before pulling you in with his other arm, sitting criss-cross next to you as his eyes scan the pages 

- “Alright, so where are we?” “...english.” “Shit.” 

Tanaka

- Walks into your bedroom with his hands shoved in his pockets before he stalls at the sight, seeing you curled up on your bed with a textbook laying open at your side, tears streaming freely down your cheeks 

- Lifts his sleeve up his arm and passed his elbow as his expression darkens, hands gentle around your tear-stained cheeks as he lifts up your face to meet his deadly gaze

- “I want names, and I want them now.” 

- “Unless you can beat up an exam, babe, I can’t give you any.” “...huh?”

- plops down on your bed, facing you as his hand wipes at the tears on your cheeks before he sighs, pulling you into his chest gently

- “You scared me. I thought it was something serious-OW! Violence is never the answer!” “This is something serious to me, Tanaka!” 

- “...oh.” awkwardly scratches the back of his neck as you open your textbook back up, causing him to put it down again with an eyebrow quirked

- “Why are you going back to the very thing that made you cry?” “Because I have to, so gimme.” 

- deadass puts your textbook in an outstretched arm to where you couldn’t reach it, smirking when you land in his chest when trying to do so 

- throws the textbook on the ground as he relaxes into your bed, not letting you go despite your protests as he hugs you to his body, smiling when you finally relax

- “Isn’t this nice?” “...no.” “Oi, don’t lie. It won’t kill you to take a little break. So I’ll cuddle you, okay? What do you want, I’ll do anything for you.” 

- “Can I be the big spoon?” “...anything but one thing. I’ll do anything but one thing for you.” 

- groans when you win, becoming the small spoon to his girlfriend that absolutely had him won over completely

- “Do you feel better?” “Mm. Will you kiss me?” 

- cheeks turn hot immediately, turning towards you slightly before he turns back again 

- “...anything but two things-” “Tanaka, just shut up and kiss me.” 

- kisses you quickly after he sits the two of you up, placing a hand on the side of your cheek with reddened ones, rolling his eyes at your cheeky smile 

- “Well, at least now you’re smiling. Come, let Tanaka-sensei tutor you.” “...how about you be here for emotional support?” 

- “Rude, but I can do that too...are you sure? I think I’d make a great-” 

- “Oh, I’m sure.” “You answered too quickly.” 

Kageyama

- awkward boy doesn’t know how to react to ANYONE if there’s tears involved

- “She’s what?” “Y/N was crying in class today...” Yamaguchi puts his hands up in slight defense as Kageyama’s out the club door a split second later 

- manages to catch up with you halfway down your route from school, nose buried in your textbook as he easily jogs up to put a hand on your shoulder

- blue eyes widen when you lift your head up to meet him with tear-brimmed eyes, stress evident on your features as you weakly smile at him 

- “H-Hi Kageyama...” “What happened?” 

- Stiffens when you lay your head on his chest, feeling his heart rate go out of control as you explain the upcoming exam, and the toll it was taking on you

-barely heard any of it because he was internally freaking out, but got the gist of it

- “Ah.” “Yeah.” 

- stands there awkwardly as you manage to stop crying, still sniffling and hiccuping slightly as Kageyama hesitantly takes your hand in his 

- “...it’s just an exam. If it makes you feel any better I haven’t passed one all year.” 

- you stare at him for a second before laughing, causing your boyfriend to blush as his features turn accusing

- “what?” “No. I think it’s just cute. You’re cute.” 

- shit why did you need to go call him cute twice in one sentence

- “...do you want to go get something sweet?” “Sure. What about your club?” “It’s you. They have to understand if it’s you...” 

- “what was that?” “noTHing. what did you say?” “Uh, I didn’t say anything...”

- watches you happily eat the parfait he bought for you, feeling satisfied that you were mostly back to your usual self until he sees you opening your textbook back up, his hand reaching out to stop yours before he can realize it

- “What are you doing?” “I still have to-” “No. No exam is worth making yourself cry over.” 

- “But I-” “We’re on a date, aren’t we? Pay attention to me.” 

- clamps his mouth tight after the words come out, blushing at your look of surprise as he struggles to find the right words, watching as you slowly shut your textbook 

- “I didn’t-!” “Alright. I’ll pay attention to you.”

- “W-wai-” “Hm? Or I can go back to study-” “nO okay yes, pay attention to me.” 

- frustrated at your teasing before you giggle, stopping in surprise when his hand covers yours from across the table, ears pinkened 

- might as well damn you’ve stepped out of comfort zone twice today Kageyama

- “I...I’m glad you’re laughing.” 

- “What was that?” “I didn’t say anything, are you going crazy?” 

Hinata

- “Hinata get off of me.” “Not until you tell me why you’re crying. I will tickle you dammit.”

- the orange haired baby had burst into your room with the play from yesterday in hand, excited to watch it with you when you had looked up at him with red eyes and wetness down your cheeks

- pins your wrists to the bed, orange eyes serious as his hands begin to trace your sides, signalling he was about to start tickling you soon if you didn’t fess up

- “Who made you cry?” “No one.” 

- Hinata gettin kINKY as shit ngl 

- “The upcoming stress is giving me a bit of anxiety, that’s all.” you mumble in response to Hinata’s tilted head and look of questioning as he releases you, falling on to the side of the bed as he stares up at the ceiling by your side

- “Then let’s do it together.” “Hm?” 

- “I need to study too! Plus you’re waaay smarter than me, so maybe if you teach me, you’ll be able to do even better!” Sits up excitedly, pulling you into his lap as his orange eyes gleam

- “Whaddya say?” “I...that’s not a bad idea.” You blush when Hinata rests his chin on your shoulder, seeming to be deep in thought as he plays with your fingers

- “What are you thinking about?” “How to make the exam makers suffer because they made my baby sad.” 

- “HinATA-” “Joking. It was a joke.” 

- studies with you brightly, not letting a wrong answer bring the mood down as he simply punishes you with tickles, willing you not to get the answer wrong or you’ll face his wrath 

- “u-uh, a comma?” “Nope! Come here!” “Hinata please-!” 

- laughs when you let out a shriek of laughter, pausing when your hands find the sides of his jaw, your eyes looking up at him lovingly 

- blushes when you lean up to kiss him once on the lips, using the opportunity to break out of his hold 

- “T-That’s cheating!” “I call it, using my resources.” 

- “How about this, for every answer you get right, I’ll kiss you.” he shyly states, looking off to the side as you grin at his cuteness

- “You’re on, love.” “Better not get it wrong!”

Tsukishima

- “I left for three minutes, did you miss me that much?” 

- was studying with you in his living room in his empty house, leaving to use the bathroom and grab you a drink only to return to the scene before him 

- you were staring down at your textbook with tears in your eyes, brows furrowed in confusion as you lift your head to meet the blank stare of your boyfriend

- “N-no...I just realized how close the exams were. It’s stressful...” 

-says nothing as he sits next to your trembling figure, placing the cold can of melon juice on the table in front of you silently

- “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel-!” “I’ll listen. You have five minutes.” 

- stares straight ahead as you hiccup through your explanation of worries, turning his head towards you when he’s met with silence 

- “You finished?” “Y-yeah...” 

- pops your can of melon juice, holding it out to you as you stare at it in confusion

- “Drink.” 

- Watches as you down half the can, feeling refreshed as he takes the can and drinks the rest, setting the empty drink on the table

- “Now take a deep breath.” 

- didn’t expect for you to start panicking again and runs a hand through his blonde hair before hesitating

- blonde baby isn’t good at affection

- but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it, he just feels better when you’re the one to initiate it 

- puts a single hand on the top of your head, looking off in the opposite direction as he brings his knees to his chest 

- “Don’t cry. It makes me feel weird.” 

- looks back and sweat drops, only to see you gazing up at him with a look that screamed you’ve never done this before wtf before retracting his hand hastily 

- “Are you tired?” He changes the topic quickly, and you bite your lip before nodding once. “Can I...lay on you?” 

- shit why did you need to ask him he would’ve been fine if you just did it

- looks off to the side again before nodding once, feeling blood rush to his cheeks when your head is suddenly in his lap, causing the tall boy to have to steady his breathing 

- “Tsukki?” “What.” “You’re really good to me...you know?” 

- begins to play with the ends of your hair as your eyes droop closed, carefully placing his earbuds in your ears and selecting a soft music selection as you fall asleep, ensuring you can’t hear him 

- “The feeling’s mutual.” “...hm?” 

- “I said shut up and go to sleep. We’ll continue when you wake up.” 

Yamaguchi

- “Y/N, you’re mom let me- whoa. Hey, are you crying?” “No Yama, I’m not.” 

- Sits his bike helmet down slowly before approaching your frustrated figure, your hands clenched through your hair as you shuffle through the strewn papers, eyes brimmed with tears 

- “Are you okay?” “Do I look okay?! Exams are within the next week, and no matter how much I study, I-” 

- listens to you rant as he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, flinching when your voice raises octaves as if accusing him until you come to a sudden halt

- “Yama, I...” “No. Continue. Let it out, it’s okay.” 

- When your boyfriend smiles his sweet smile towards you, your throat becomes choked up as your arms reach weakly out 

- Hugs you immediately, smiling when you bury your face in his shirt from your sitting position 

- “I-I’m sorry...” “Nope. None of that...do you know how you can make it up to me, though?” “Hm?” 

- gently turns off the lamp that lit up your desk space, putting all the papers in one neat pile before tugging you out of your chair 

- “Where are we going?” “We’ll figure it out when we get there.” 

- Straps his jacket helmet on you tightly as he perches you on the back of his bike, ensuring you were okay with sitting with both legs to the side before kissing your forehead before fastening the strap

- “Yama, I hope we’re going to a library or something-” “Nope! Nice try, though.” 

- “Hold on tight, Y/N.” as he wraps your arms around the middle of his body, grinning when he feels you tighten your grip before he begins to move his legs to begin cycling 

- the fresh air calms you down immediately, and you close your eyes and lay your head against Yamaguchi’s back peacefully as you enjoy the ride

- “How do you feel?” “Better. Lots.” 

- stops cycling in front of your favorite food stand, resting his bike against a rest stop as he approaches you to unfasten the helmet

- “Hey, Yama.” “Yes, Y/N?” 

- was not expecting for you to reach your lips up to meet his, causing a blush to spread over his freckled cheeks when you keep him there with your hand

- “...I seriously need to study.” “Bribing me with kisses won’t work.” 

- “What if I did it again...?” “I love you, but no. How about I kiss you anyways?” 

- “I mean, if you want.” “Did you just play me?” “Like a fiddle.” 

- Rolls his eyes before he kisses you again, you still perched on his bike as he uses the straps on your helmet to pull you in 

- Exams should come sooner, tbh 

[angryhausfrau-writes]

Your Friends Were All Standing Around Looking At Your Cock The Other Dayee...

Interior of the farm house. WAYNE, KATY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN stand around the table, looking at something.

KATY: It's a beautiful cock.

WAYNE: Oh, it's a gorgeous cock.

DAN, shifting from foot to foot, uncomfortably: Now I'ms nots denyings that it's a mightys fines cocks. I just thinks its mights not bes appropriates to have sets outs on the supper tables is all.

KATY: Oh Dan, there's been far worse things than a cock on this table.

WAYNE growls: Better not have been them hockey nutsacks.

KATY: I'm a big girl, Wayne. None of your business what nutsacks I'm spending time with.

WAYNE, begrudgingly: True.

DAN: You knows whats you're afters, miss Katys, and that's what I appreciates about you.

KATY, flirtatiously: Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?

WAYNE: Take about ten, twenty percent off her over there Squirrelly Dan.

DAN, looking at the table: Oh hey look. A cock. What is sets most unhygenicallys on the table we eats off ofs.

KATY: Jesus Dan. Hop off our cocks.

WAYNE: Besides, you're a bigger degen than Dary if you eat directly off the table.

DAN: Where is Darys anyways? Ain't like him to miss such a magnificents cocks.

DARY enters the KITCHEN: Sorry I'm late. Spent all morning wrangling my cock into its cage.

DAN, sympathetically: Its was giving yous some troubles thens?

DARY: Kept making itself all big and plumped up. Couldn't get it to fit in the cage. Ended up having to really wrassle with it for a good long while.

KATY: Could say you had to take your cock firmly in hand there, Dary?

WAYNE: Pert near had to choke that chicken, I'd imagine.

DARY: Pert near.

DAN: But yous gots it settled downs and ins its cage?

DARY nods and hefts a rooster in a wire cage into frame: Yup. Tuckered it out eventually. Now it's placid as anything.

WAYNE: Now that's a handsome cock, Dary. A right handsome cock.

DARY, bashful: Aw, it ain't nothing special. Not like yours, Wayne.

WAYNE SHIFTS OUT OF THE WAY. PAN TO ROOSTER ON THE TABLE.

DARY:  Now that's a real handsome cock, and well behaved to boot.

WAYNE: Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Youwannaknowwhat? Here's the scoop and I'm gonna tell ya. I look at your cock and I think, well, I think: good for you buddy. Just like, good for you bud. Like I'm real proud of ya, Dary.

DAN: It's a mightys fines cocks, Dary. Yous gots every rights to be prouds.

KATY: Nothing wrong with a spirited cock, anyways.

DARY, bashful: Still reckon yours'll be the cock to beat down the Ag Festival, Wayne.

WAYNE: Oh it's a handsome cock all right.

KATY: A beautiful cock.

WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.

DARY: Not to be pulling your own horn over there.

DAN: Oh yous shoulds nevers do thats. Leastwise nots ins mixed companies.

KATY: Says you.

WAYNE, abrupt: No hard feelings Dary. Regardless of who beats whose cock.

DARY: No hard feelings.

WAYNE holds his hand straight out for DARY to shake: Then may the man with the best cock win.

LETTERKENNY TITLE BUT THERE IS A ROOSTER INSTEAD OF A DOG.

ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF A FAIRGROUD.

EXTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING.

INTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING. WAYNE, KATY, DARY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN are standing around a table with ROOSTERS in cages on it. The DYCKS and the HOCKEY PLAYERS are also there, standing further down the room.

GLEN enters with a clipboard, officiators badge: Wayne! How're you now?

WAYNE: Good'nyou?

GLEN: Oh, I'm just dripping with excitement to be judging all y'alls cocks. Especially yours Wayne.

WAYNE squints into the distance.

DAN: You're judgings the competitions?

GLEN: Indeed I am, Daniel. Although admittedly I misunderstood the nature of the event when I first volunteered to judge. But! I have plenty of experience judging cocks from my years on the family poultry farm. The cocks I raised as a youth...

WAYNE: Pitter patter.

GLEN: Well, fine. If you don't appreciate hearing about my cock judging credentials.

DARY, snickering: Pretty sure pert near everyone in town knows 'bout those.

GLEN: True but uncalled for, Daryl!

NOAH DYCK, joining the hicks: I for one think it is admirable that Preacher Glen has experience handling and judging cocks. And from his boyhood, once.

WAYNE: Noah.

NOAH: Wayne.

DARY: Mr. Dyck.

NOAH: Daryl.

DAN: Noahs Dycks.

NOAH: Daniel. A pity Lovina Dyck could not make it to the cock judging. I'm certain she would have had she known you were showing your cock. For is it not true, mine wife, that the love tree often bears fruit when a young man parades his cock before his sweetheart, once?

ANITA approaches: What nonsense are you speaking now, Noah?

NOAH: Simply that a Dyck chooses a lifemate in part by how well she-

KATY: Or he.

DAN: Ors theys.

NOAH: -raises a cock. Did not you impress me with your cock raising skills when first we were courting?

ANITA, blushing: You say too much, husband.

NOAH: And did not you help raise this cock which I am showing proudly this day, once? Why without mine Anita Dyck's loving and tender hand, this cock would be but small and limp and lifeless.

ANITA: Us Snatches have always had a way with cocks, as well you know.

NOAH: A good thing too. Us Dycks require a skilled hand with raising our cocks. Lovina will be delighted to know you've raised such a magnificent cock as are being shown here this day. Perhaps I shall send one of my young sons to go fetch her, once. So that she might see your cock.

DAN, hurriedly: Oh nos, I'm nots showings anybodys anythings. That's all Waynes and Darys.

GLEN: Daryl! I didn't realize you were showing your cock today too. Oh, this is so exciting! Me, in the middle of a Daryl/Wayne cock sandwich.

WAYNE growls.

GLEN: Although I don't know how I'm supposed to choose between the two of your cocks. I think it will take some lengthy deliberation.

KATY: This is already taking fucking forever, I'm going to go sit down.

DAN: I'll join yous, miss Katys.

KATY as they leave: Still not over Lovina Dyck, eh?

DAN: I don'ts knows that I'll evers stop thinkings abouts Lovinas Dycks, miss Katys. Ands that's a facts.

KATY and SQUIRRELLY DAN exit.

DARY (aside): Katy's right. This is taking fucking forever.

WAYNE to GLEN: I say again. Pitter. Patter.

GLEN whines.

WAYNE: If a man should be one thing, he should be efficient.

GLEN: Fine. Everyone here? Then lets get y'all registered. What's your cocks' names? I'm sure you've come up with some good ones.

WAYNE: Plenty of good names for cocks.

DARY: Oh, you can have a lot of fun naming cocks.

WAYNE: I'm surprised we're not naming cocks right now.

DARY: Could name one after the fictional prizefighter Cocky Balboa.

WAYNE: Or the legendary real life comedian Chris Cock.

DARY: There's always actor and former wrassler Dwayne the Cock Johnson.

GLEN: Ooh, that's a two-for-one special right there.

WAYNE: Or jazz musician John Cocktrain.

DARY: I like that one.

WAYNE: Not too obscure?

DARY: Nah, it's a gooder. Cultured - but not trying too hard.

GLEN: All right, all right. So what are your cocks' names?

DARY: Cock.

GLEN: Come again? And please note, I'm saying that in a completely different context to the one I usually use.

DARY: My cock's called cock. I din't name the damn thing. I know what it looks like.

WAYNE: Well I should hope so.

DARY: And I only got the one. Not liable to mix it up with someone else's cock.

GLEN: Ok. Fine, Dary. Ruin all my fun. TURNS TO WAYNE. What about you, Wayne? What's the big fella called?

WAYNE: Only nutsacks name their cocks.

RILEY breaking into the group around GLEN: We're all saying our cock's names, boys?

JONESY: Just naming silly cock over here, boys?

RILEY: Just christening silly amounts of cock over here, boys?

WAYNE: Again, only nutsacks name their cocks.

GLEN: Yes, boys. Everyone who's entering the cock judging needs to tell me their cock's name so I can make sure to call out the right name during the handling. It's just so embarrassing to call the cock in your hands by the wrong name...

RILEY: We've got a cock to register for judging, boys.

JONESY: Well, really it's Riley's cock we're entering. And it's a real beauty, buddy.

RILEY: Hey, buddy. It's as much your cock as mine. It is a real beauty though buddy.

JONESY: Just a real beauty of a cock here, boys.

RILEY: Half clapper top cheddar.

JONESY: Guaranteed W. Ferda!

RILEY: Ferda!

GLEN: Now boys, we're talking about roosters here, not actual cocks. Don't feel bad - I too was confused at first. So, while I'm sure Riley's cock is just delightful...

JONESY: It is. He's a registered beautician, buddy.

RILEY: Thanks buddy.

GLEN: Yes. But I just want to stress again – this is the animal we're talking about here.

RILEY: Yeah, boys. Cocks.

JONESY holds up a rooster in a cage: And this is our cock:

RILEY: Four time Stanley Cup winner.

JONESY: Four time Vezina Trophy winner.

RILEY: Hockey hall-of-famer.

JONESY: Goaltender extraordinaire.

RILEY: Terry Sawcock. Ferda!

JONESY: Ferda!

DARY (aside): Kinda surprised they have a whole cock between 'em.

WAYNE: Ain't surprised they share it though, fuck.

DARY: Same way they share a set of testicles. And maybe a tongue.

GLEN: Ooh, don't tempt me Daryl.

WAYNE (turns to RILEY and JONESY): Now where in the hell did yous two nutsacks get a cock from anyways? You better not've stolen it right out from under some poor unsuspecting farmer's nose.

RILEY: We bought it down at the feed store boys.

JONESY: Heard about people keeping chickens as pets boys.

RILEY: How they're so cute and cuddly. Plus free eggs boys.

JONESY: Need plenty of protein to keep up with the gains boys.

RILEY and JONESY flex. GLEN watches avidly. WAYNE is unimpressed.

RILEY: Accidentally bought a rooster though buddy.

JONESY (sadly): Can't get eggs from a rooster buddy.

RILEY: Still a good pet though buddy.

JONESY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us buddy.

RILEY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us on the sofa buddy.

WAYNE: Shouldn't keep farm animals as pets. Fuck.

DARY: Farm animals belong on a farm. S'why they're called farm animals.

WAYNE: Like. You wouldn't let a sow into you're living room. And you wouldn't let a cow into your living room. So why the fuck are you cuddling up on the couch with a cock?

JONESY: Shouldn't knock it till you've tried it.

DARY: I'll knock you.

GLEN: Boys please. Lets not fight. Not when we're all gathered here today for such a noble purpose as comparing cocks.

ALL: Fine.

GLEN: All righty now, let's see. We've got Daryl's cock: cock. We've got Wayne's cock: only nutsacks name their cocks. Riley and Jonesy's collective cock: Terry Sawcock. What do you call your cock, Noah?

NOAH: While there are a great quantity of cocks at the Dyck farm, this is our most quality.

WAYNE: Quality Dyck if you will.

GLEN: Quality Dyck it is.

DARY: Sure 'nough.

WAYNE: Like you see that cock and you say, that's Quality Dyck all right. And no mistake.

GLEN: Mhm! And I know from Quality Dyck. Now, if that's everyone, we can get on with the judging...

MCMURRY barges in: Wait! (Approaching WAYNE) Wayne. How're'you'now? Good'n'you. Ohnotsobad. Okay! (Turns to the GROUP) I, McMurry, am entering my cock in this little competition. So all you sumbitches can make a hole.

GLEN: Well someone's all riled up! You can go ahead and enter your cock right here, McMurry. No need to shout.

DARY (angry): Yeah, no need to bust our balls.

WAYNE (placating): Go have a dart.

DARY (begrudgingly): Yeah, I'll have a dart.

WAYNE and DARY exit.

FADE TO BLACK.

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE AGRICULTURAL FESTIVAL.

ZOOM ON TWO COCK SHAKUR PLAYING FOR A CROWD IN FRONT OF THE AG BUILDING.

PAN OVER KATY AND DAN IN THE AUDIENCE.

ZOOM ON GLEN AS HE ENTERS THE STAGE AT THE FRONT OF THE CROWD.

GLEN: How'reyounow?

AUDIENCE: Good'n'you?

GAIL: All this cock talk's got me wetter than a lighthouse keeper's slicker in a Noreaster, I can tell you that much.

DAN: Gailer!

KATY: First Glen is here judging and now Gail's here.

GAIL approaches KATY and DAN.

DAN: Yeah, Gail. I didn'ts know you were so interesteds in the agriculturals.

GAIL: Less interested in the agriculturals than in seeing some. Good. Hand. Raised. Cock. Specially when I heard Wayne's entered in the cock judging.

DAN to KATY: She knows it's nots actual cocks, rights?

KATY to GAIL: More importantly, is Modean's actually closed?

DAN: Tells me it didn't burns down agains.

KATY: This town needs a fucking bar.

GAIL: Nah, Modean's 3 is still alive and kicking sure as this old goat. But when Glen told me he'd be judging cocks at the agricultural festival I figured the whole fucking town'd be here rather than down Modean's.

DAN: Nots a bad turnsout for Letterkenny's first evers ag festival.

KATY: A great fucking turnout.

GAIL: Plus, I get a chance to see Wayne's cock today – and that's worth a day's profits right there.

KATY: Gross.

GAIL: Not that I've actually lost a day's profits. Bonny's been making the rounds at the Ag festival and apparently, business. Is. Banging.

CUT TO BONNY WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE CROWD WITH A TRAY OF SHOT GLASSES AND BEER BOTTLES.

KATY and DAN whistfully, along with CROWD: Bonny McMurry?

GLEN (impatient): Can I have your attention please!

PAN BACK TO GLEN.

GLEN: The event we've all been waiting for – I know I have – the cock judging. Lets meet our contestants!

GLEN gestures to the stage like a game show host: First up is Wayne!

AUDIENCE applauds.

WAYNE enters with his rooster and stands stoically, hands in belt loops.

GLEN examining the rooster: An impressive cock. Sturdy. Well built. And a real big fella. Nearly eight pounds, and pure muscle. Wayne, I think you've got a real champion cock here.

WAYNE nods stoically.

GAIL: And that's not the only cock of his I hear is impressive.

GLEN: Oooh, tell me more.

WAYNE: Glen.

GAIL: That rooster's not the only cock almost eight somethings.

MCMURRY (from backstage): Wait, is that measured over or under the balls.

GAIL: And plenty of stamina to make it through those cold Canadian winter nights. If. You. Know. What. I. Mean.

GLEN: No, please continue in explicit detail.

WAYNE: Glen!

GLEN: Ok, fine. (Gestures WAYNE to move to the rear of the stage.) Moving along, next up is Dary!

AUDIENCE applauds.

GLEN examining the rooster: Oh, you've got a feisty one here, Dary. Plenty of personality! A little smaller than Wayne's but still an excellent cock. And those freckles are just too cute!

DARY: Aw, thanks Glen.

GLEN: And I'd happily take a look at your other cock if you want, Daryl.

DARY: Thanks for the offer Glen, but like I said, I only got the one.

GLEN: Oh never mind.

GLEN waves DARY off the stage.

DARY moves to stand next to WAYNE.

GLEN: Here's our next contestant, Noah Dyck!

AUDIENCE applauds.

GLEN: Now this is something special, y'all. An excellent example of a Canadian heritage breed, known for being an excellent layer and quite robust as well. Yes, I think we can all agree that this is certainly Quality Dyck right here.

NOAH: Thank you Preacher Glen. Such comments mean much coming from such an experienced judge of cocks as yourself.

GLEN: Oh, Noah. You'll make me blush. (GLEN rapidly ushers NOAH to stand next to DARY and WAYNE)  Anywho, our next contestant is Riley and Jonesy!

AUDIENCE applauds with some confusion.

DAN: What, both of thems? Collectivelys?

KATY: It makes sense. They do everything else together.

DAN: Everythings?

GAIL: Ev. Ry. Thing.

DAN: Katy?

KATY: Can confirm.

DAN: Wow. Didn'ts needs to knows thats.

KATY: You did ask.

GAIL: It's not like we gave you a blow. By. Blow account. But if you really want to know...

GLEN: This cock's a little smaller than the ones we've seen previously. Not as much muscle – might want to exercise it a little more, boys. Just really put it through it's paces.

SHORESY: Yeah! Give your balls a tug titfuckers!

RILEY: Fuck you, Shoresy! Where's your cock, if you think you're so good!

SHORESY: Fuck you Riley! If you want to know about my cock, just ask your mom. She saw plenty of it last night. Rode me so hard reverse cowgirl style I thought she was going to snap it off.

JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!

SHORESY: Don't worry, Jonesy. Your mom was there to kiss it all better.

RILEY and JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!

GLEN: Well! All audience commentary aside, I think you've got a very shapely cock, Riley. And I think if you put in the time, worked hard and raised it properly, you could have a real champion cock on your hands.

RILEY: Thanks, boys!

JONESY: Yeah, thanks boys!

GLEN: You're welcome. Now go sit down so we can get to our next contestant!

RILEY and JONESY fistbump and move to join the others.

McMURRY pushes forward through the other contestants: Yes, I McMurry am here to have my cock judged in front of all of you. And I'm gonna win this cocksucking cock competition, just you watch.

MRS McMURRY: Knock 'em dead, baby. Love you.

McMURRY: Love you too baby.

GLEN (awkward): Well, this cock's a little on the small side...

KATY: And that's a little bit of an understatement.

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: It's fucking tiny, McMurry. I've got a bigger cock hatched out an egg yesterday.

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #2: How'd you get a woman like Mrs. McMurry with a tiny cock like that?

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: You're a piece of shit, McMurry.

MRS McMURRY: Don't listen to him. Your cock's perfect, baby.

GLEN: Yes, well. They say it's not size that counts, but in this case – and a few others – that's just not true. Sorry, McMurry. You're out of the competition.

McMURRY: Goldangit all! (Exits STAGE mumbling profanities)

MRS McMURRY rushes after him.

GLEN: Now on to our last competitor! Modean Three's own Bonny McMurry!

AUDIENCE applauds.

DAN: I's hads no ideas she raised cocks.

KATY: I seem to remember her raising your cock pretty frequently there Dan.

DAN: I seems to remembers yous were plentys affected as well, Miss Katy.

KATY: What can I say? I like a woman with a championship cock.

GLEN: And what an excellent cock it is! A little on the slender side, but shapely! And what a lovely temperament. Outgoing without being pushy! Oh, it's just gorgeous!

WAYNE (aside to Dary): Now that's a lovely cock.

DARY: It's a beautiful cock for sure.

WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.

GLEN: I think we have a winner folks! Let's hear it for Bonny McMurry's excellent cock!

FADE OUT TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AS BONNY McMURRY ACCEPTS A TROPHY.

SHOT OPENS ON THE PRODUCE STAND. WAYNE, DAN, AND DARY ARE SITTING IN THEIR USUAL SEATS WITH THEIR USUAL PUPPERS. KATYS CHAIR IS TAKEN BY WAYNE AND DARY'S ROOSTERS.

DAN: Recon Miss Katies is going to wants her seats back anytimes soons?

WAYNE: I imagine she's occupied for the evening.

DARY: Can't really blame her. I mean, who knew Bonny McMurry had such a championship cock?WAYNE: Hell, anybody'd want to go celebrate down MoDean's after a win like that. She's more than earned it, showing up all our cocks like that.

DARY: Still, there's no shame in coming second, good buddy.

DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.

WAYNE: I reckon you're right there, Dary. Andyouwannaknowwhat? Ain't no shame in coming third neither.

DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.

WAYNE stands and holds his hand out for DARY to shake: Congratulations Dary. That's a mighty fine cock you've got there.

DARY stands and shakes WAYNE's hand: Not as nice as yours, Wayne. Congratulations on the cock.

WAYNE and DARY sit.

WAYNE looks at where the roosters are sitting next to each other: Well, I'll give those hockey nutsacks this. They are cuddly little fuckers, aren't they?

DARY hawks a loogie in agreement.

WAYNE: Still not letting 'em in the fucking house though.

WAYNE, DARY, and DAN take a drink of PUPPERS.

CREDITS ROLL.

[herstarburststories]

you and me and the devil makes three.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x reader, Demon!Dean Winchester x reader, past Lisa x Dean

Summary: Dean is a demon, he will take whatever he wants.

A/N: This got darker than I expected. I wanna make it clear I don't condone or engage with Dean's acts on this. This is my submission for @jawritter 's Make Me Cry Challenge. Congrats, honey! Hope you like it. Dividers by talesmanic and gif credit here

Prompt: I guess I should have been more like her.

Warnings: non consensual kissing, language, UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR, non con (kissing and touching but no sex), dirty talk

Dean Winchester was a dreamer.

In the rawest way of the word, the meaning in the dust-collecting dictionaries and not the idealistic form. His eyelids shut close and, just like magic, Dean’s head was as haunted as the home he swore he’d never come back to in Kansas. The ghosts of the past, not ever so very friendly, coming to greet him at least three times per week. Sometimes they were happy films he could never starre in real life, his mom singing or a picnic with a lover saying that they needed to hurry up to get their kid at the baseball. The nightmares were sleepy visions of flesh and blood, mostly about his time underneath, Sam hurting, or his father spilling out his worst fears at his face. 

Maybe it was how the eldest Winchester’s brain compensated for the lack of bedtime tales and docile affairs growing up. The own way that his brittle soul discovered and molded not to let him collapse, or to always keep him on red alert. 

Good and bad deals are mostly a matter of which side you are betting your money on, really.

Because yeah, Dean did wake up feeling like he had shut his forest eyes briefly for twenty minutes instead of hours when he dreamed, but he also had never spent so long trapped in a better place. The green eyed hunter didn’t know which one was worse: the good dreams or the horrific ones. After all, he had went through all the atrocity and made it out alive, but the engulfed craving for light-hearted scenarios was suffocating. The hunter could never have it all. Trust him, he tried. Then, which is more agonizing: to have everything you ever wanted for a couple hours and have every scrap of it taken from you, or to undergo the calamity that accompanied your breaking point? 

Dean didn’t know, he didn’t even know what to tell Sam when he wondered what his brother had dreamt about to wake up sweating and screaming, all the light and stupid apple pie desires and the sharp brutality crawling out of the back of his mind. He made a joke, Megan Fox really liked knives, man. He kept it in, shoved down a good amount of alcohol, and mocked the worry of doing the lawn. Ready for another day. 

But now he was a demon, and apparently whatever he was made of - sulfur, cruelty, and black eyes under garden ones - wasn't worthy quiet reliefs in the middle of the night, or even frightening figments of memory. He became his worst dreams and all the dreams slipped beyond his reaches because of that. Demons, those unholy creatures, didn’t get the human peculiarities. You know what? Fine by him.

Who needed dreams when you don't need sleep, anyway? Even better: who needed dreams when you don't care about what you gotta do to put your greedy hands on the prize you had been eyeing for years? 

Dean Winchester was finally free. Free for the first time since he was a four years little boy who watched his mother burning with a terrorized expression, ironically mimicking the one Mary wore on the ceiling. His dad’s shouting for him to grab Sammy and run, take your little brother and run, echoing through years and years. There was never time for Dean, for his grief or his questions or whatever the child frozen in time under his rib cage could come up with. They said, stupid psychologists with their fancy degrees and malicious bartenders with a unfriendly grun under the counter who learned a little too much, everybody said that when someone was so traumatized as a kid, that person would tend to get frozen at that age. Therefore, how tremendously alleviating was to kill any reminiscing emotion of the whiny child he used to be. 

The kind of freedom that no traveler longed for; when one’s ruined and damaged enough not to care, and just take and take and take like hunger itself. Dean was an evil thing now, what else could he do but act on the figments of the worst intentions?

And feel so fucking good when doing that. 

‘’Where do you think he's going?’’ Your eyes raked over the street, darting between the asphalt under Baby’s wheels and Sam’s weary features.

‘’I don't know.’’ He sighed, attempting to organize his thoughts. Even as a demon, his brother wouldn’t just run miles and miles away by himself for no apparent reason. There had to be something you and Sam were missing out, some unseen clue or a hidden meaning. ‘’What the localizator says?’’

At least you had managed to put a tracker in his boots during your last encounter. Whatever Dean was thinking of starting there, you and Sam wouldn’t let him.

‘’Still Cicero, Indiana.’’ You sighed. Sammy furrowed his eyebrows, a long forgotten memory rising. ‘’What?’’

‘’We had a case there once years ago.’’ He explained, opting not to elaborate. Your and Dean’s relationship was troubled enough with his new self. Sam didn’t want to blow it up completely. His brother would need you once he came back to himself. The look on your face, though, reported how you weren’t buying his cheap excuses. The long haired hunter sighed. ‘’Did Dean ever tell you about that?’’

‘’No.’’

He stepped on the accelerator.

To find the woman was excruciatingly easy. The freckled demon couldn't believe he opened his computer many times and gave up before today. He glanced through the glass window and there she was, standing in all her glory with a body that seemed to forget how to grow old. Her tan skin still glowing, as appetizing as ever. Brown eyes shining so bright, tiny hands that always seemed to know where he wanted to be touched. She was laughing like there was no tomorrow, holding a glass of wine with one hand and her cellphone with the other, while her dark hair was falling so perfectly over her shoulder, like waves against the rocks in the sea.

Dean can’t wait to smell her again, to taste her, to prove her. His fingers were tingling, begging to touch what was his as he hopped off the car, walking towards the porch. He had been gone for a long time, but now he was back. 

He will destroy that quintessential, sequin woman so good.

The Winchester buckled in front of the white door, graced with the sound of the female giggle. Thin walls, he thought, those will be useful to make sure the neighbors know who’s back home. Her steps on the wood floor growing closer and closer as he heard a goodbye, probably aimed at whoever she was on the phone with. It was almost like the caramel skinned woman knew that whoever was on her doorstep wasn’t gonna be a hustled visitor. Or so the demon’s arranged mind said.

‘’Hey, Lis.’’ Dean’s voice lacked any cherishment as she opened the door, who would know that the absence of a soul wouldn't be gelid, just dry? As for her, Lisa’s face was drained of love. For all she was aware of, he was a stranger who knew her name. The male let out a chuckle empty of joy. She really didn’t remember, huh? ‘’Whoa. Cass really fucked up your head, huh? At least he did one thing right.’’

‘’Excuse me?’’ The man with dirty blonde hair and perfect teeth smelled like alcohol. She wasn’t having any of this tonight. ‘’Listen, I don’t know who you are and--’’

‘’Don’t worry.’’ He tranquilized her, although the lopsided grin on his lips held anything but good intentions. ‘’I’ll make you remember. I have a spell. You won’t believe how much you missed me.’’

The mocking laugh that left her lips utterly aggravated him. ‘’I don’t know you. Please leave or I’ll call the police.’’

Dean didn’t need a crowd for that part, a bratty woman in need of a firm hand should get a particular lesson. 

‘’You always liked a little cat and mouse.’’

Speaking of, the demon pushed the door wide open without any effort. Lisa jumped at the sudden move, every instinct inside her deciding that man was a threat and not some harmless wasted guy. Her body was quickly erect, thinking about ways to run and get help, but Dean swiftly pushed her to him and kicked the door closed-- her small figure collided to his chest.

Human savagery was cut in urban ways, molded to civilize the animalistic instincts. Imagine meat. A dead animal on a silver plate, and we couldn’t wait to chew every inch of it. We couldn’t wait to eat it, put that dead thing inside us and hope it’ll be enough to control the predatory hungry. Humans will always be animals, but so will be their rests that constructed the demons. 

Dean may not be a hunter anymore, but he’s still a predator who can't wait to taste his prey. He could small it, the fear in Lisa’s sweat making his mouth water. How much she tried to fight against him and scream other names when his was the only one he wanted her to need tonight. The resistance of a poor human barely made the monster shiver.

He closed his hands around her arms, throwing her against the wall like someone tossed an old toy away. There was no space for delicaly. In that moment, Dean Winchester was a tiger, a lion, the big bad wolf attacking the omega. Lis winced, her back hurting as her fibers. She couldn’t believe this was happening, that man was about to do something so terrible and disgusting to her in her own house, the place she was supposed to feel warm and safe. Why did he seem to know her? Why did he say she was gonna remember? Was he crazy, hallucinating, or drugged? Why was he so satisfied with how frightened her tiny body looked? How could she use all that information to somehow push him away?

‘’Let me go!’’ She demanded, her legs kicking the demon with ferocity. ‘’What’s wrong with you? LET ME GO NOW!’’

The brunette’s skilled body moved itself desperately, and the act of resistance only brought a hysterical laugh out of Dean. The wrong kind of goosebumps washed her skin, she had to run away for her life. This man was mad.

‘’FIRE! FIRE!’’ Lisa started to scream. Well-aware that people were most likely to come around and help a woman screaming if she said fire. ‘’THERE’S A FIRE. SOMEONE HELP ME!’’

One of his hands went to her neck, wrapping his fingers around it to shut her up. That was rubbing him off the wrong way. Lisa Braeden used to beg for his touch, how dared her not to want him anymore? Now that he was better, stronger, and thicker.

The brown eyed girl went quiet, probably scared by his brutal behavior. Dean smiled, a blood stained grin that carried mischief and pervertment. He licked the tears savoring the salty horror coming from her. Just like the day he was a vampire who almost gave in to drinking every drop of her luptuos blood. She may not remember but he did and he couldn't wait to get inside her, those tight walls squeezing his hard cock.

‘’You’re gonna do as I say, Lis. And I won't hurt you… Much.’’ He risped, crooked nose stroking her wet cheek. She whined. ‘’Don’t worry, honey. You loved it. Bet you’ll scream so much once I fuck you good.’’

‘’Please, don’t do it.’’ She begged as he coaxed his body against his. That man was stronger than her, she had no other choice but to plead to his human side. If only she knew.

‘’Begging already?’’ Dean lifted his head, smirking at her. Lisa just wanted to cry and close her eyes until everything was done. How could someone do that? ‘’I told you, don’t worry. I’m gonna make a lil’ spell that will give your memories back and you’ll remember everything. And then we’re gonna have so much fun, Lis.’’

His last murmur was finished with a kiss. A harsh, ruthless kiss. Actually, she wasn’t even sure if she could call it a kiss; teeth against each other, his vicious mouth pressed to her weakened lips, his tongue invading her like a robber and showing an unrequited dominance.

‘’Dean!’’ Your voice resonated stridently, louder than the door Sam had stormed open. You couldn’t believe what your eyes witnessed. ‘’Stop it!’’

Dean groaned, as if you and Sam were stepping on his territory. He simply turned his head to you two, not pulling away from Lisa. You couldn’t see her face, your boyfriend’s large shoulder and tall body covering her up. His eyes were still green, which set the scene in an even more atrocious light. 

Your thoughts were racing. How could he come to her, crave her so badly that he drove away miles and miles as a demon? He was supposed not to feel a thing. You prepared yourself for a cold man, not an obsessive one. Apparently, a heart hidden under the black smoke. Choose if it's a gift or Pandora's box. Sam told you their history. Of course he would want that and not you. Dean never left Lisa because he fell out of love for her, he was ripped out from her life. You were so pissed at yourself; how could you picture playing the woman in his veins? How stupid were you? He may be a demon guided by wants and not emotions, but what was love but an amount of outrageous desires laced up with some pretty words and flavored with dependency?

‘’Y/N and Sammy--’’

Love was the wrong word here. Anyway. Go head and unwrap it.

‘’Please help me!’’ Lisa’s voice came to life once more through her quiet cry. Dean hardened the hold around her throat, making her cough a little.

Suddenly, your body is frozen. That, whatever that is, whatever he’s doing to Lisa. It wasn’t love. She didn’t want it. When his frame moved to face you and Sam, you caught a glimpse of her face. She was petrified, her delicate features contorted in wrath and fear and beg for help.

‘’Quiet.’’ Dean howled, glancing at her rapidly before his eyes fell on you and Sam again. ‘’You two are such killjoys. I told you to let me go.’’

You couldn’t believe what you were witnessing. You wanted to puke your guts out.

‘’And what? Kill your ex? Or do something even worse to her?’’ You elicited with disgust.

‘’She’ll come around eventually. Just playing hard to get. You know how frisky women are.’’ The corner of his lips curved into a barbaric grim, one of his hands touching Lisa’s cheek. The victim winced at the touch. ‘’Besides, I’m not just gonna take her. I’ll make her remember and she’ll want me.’’ He shrugged, unbothered by the horrified looks of everyone in the room. ‘’Are you really worried about Lis, Y/N? Or are you just jealous that I didn’t go for you?’’

‘’Enough, Dean.’’ Sam groaned, holding the gun up. It felt oily. ‘’Let her go. And come with us.’’

The demon tossed the brunette away with a simple sleight of hand, pulling his sleeves up with a marred beam. His eyes switched from starry green to black, showing his true facette. It was a peculiar relief. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t Dean.

Yet, Dean’s gruff voice said in a twisted playful tone:

‘’Come get me, Sammy.’’

Dean Winchester was cured. For most people, to heal is to let go or to learn with things. In the doctor’s case, healing is leaving a bruise to cover up a wound. Everyone believed the war started and ended, and that was it. But when something so ravaging is gone, you gotta deal with the trauma.

He was a trauma. Cured from a sickness, drowning in sorrow and waves of woe. All the worst things Dean ever did, he knew now, weren’t to himself or to the monster he so proudly killed. His unspoken acts were against the people he cared about.

The hunter never thought his hands, his bruised and tough hands could ever hurt Lis. The woman who was his lifeline when Sam died, who allowed him to be a father and live in his dreamland of suburban life. All she ever did was to love him, and what did she get for it?

He was disgusted with himself. What almost did to her was enough to hunt him and make him sure he was going back to hell, very deserving this time. Threating to do that to a woman, and enjoy it… Dean couldn’t bear driving into memories. He was selfishly glad he didn’t remember about that, only Sam’s explanation was enough: he went to Lisa, he kissed her without her consent, and Sam and you stopped him going any further. Would his unscrupulous, demon self go ahead? He was too scared to wonder, even though his brother said that he apparently had a spell to make Lis remember and wasn’t planning on just taking her. A forced kiss was disgusting enough. He just wished Sam had put a bullet in his black eyes right there.

You walked in the bathroom that you once shared with the eldest Winchester

She was everything he ever wanted, all the suburban dreams and acceptance of hunter reality without being in it. Lisa loved him completely and you could only love him sideways-- you never wanted to be a mom, or to have a family or live in a suburb. Those were valid goals, just not yours. You thought you and Dean were on the same page about it, but this other side, not only the pervert demon but the domestic man, hadn’t been shown to you until a couple days ago. Sam had cured his brother, his dirty nature washed away with holy water, but you couldn’t help the bruises that came from the dog days. Lisa had her memory erased by Cass again, you didn’t have the same unfair luxury.

‘’Dean.’’ You said, making him look up at you. Bags under his eyes and wrinkles more evident than ever. ‘’We need to talk.’’

He sighed and wiped his face. ‘’Y/N, I don’t want to talk right now.’’

‘’You never do.’’ You scoffed, gaining an incredulous glance from him. ‘’I know that what happened was disgusting and sick and the worst thing you could ever do, but we need to talk.’’

He took a deep breath. ‘’What do you wanna talk about?’’

‘’You went to her.’’ You stated as a lawyer in front of a jury. Dean furrowed.

‘’What?’’

‘’Lisa. You went to her.’’ When the arrow hit someone so damaged, it was like an animal with his teeth there that wouldn't let go. Yeah, his human soul wasn't the same brittle glass as before but it lingered in his demon self in the shape of delusion, and it was distorted by whatever he was made of, violence and darkness, and turned into something disgusting. ‘’You love her.’’

‘’Love?’’ The word burned his tongue, Dean didn’t think he had the right to ever use it again. ‘’I was a demon, Y/N. I didn’t love or feel anything. What I did--’’

‘’You didn’t do anything.’’ You interrupted, loyal as a soldier.

‘’I forced a kiss on her and wanted to bring her memories back to have sex with her. That’s disgusting and I did half of that.’’ He pointed out aggitadly, plump lips moving fast and voice deeper. ‘’It wasn’t love. Leaving her years back was love.’’

You didn’t miss how Dean didn’t even dare to say her name. ‘’So you don’t think about her? Not even once?’’

He scoffed humourless. ‘’Are you kidding me?’’

‘’I guess I should have been more like her.’’ You hugged yourself, glancing at the wall. You didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not again, not for another woman. That wasn’t even your cicatrix to ache. 

‘’Y/N, what the fuck are you talking about?’’ The fully green eyed man raised to his feet, glancing at you with disbelief. He couldn’t face how messed up it was. ‘’I can’t believe you are jealous of what happened. I thought I was the broken one here.’’

‘’I’m not her.’’ You two shared it, the glance that only two women who were hurt by the same man could. You both understood that when he got inside you, it was like the syringe in an eutanasia. Once you were happy because you loved him, now you were scared and not so sure this was what you wanted. ‘’I’m not her and you knew it. When you became just instincts and selfish and did whatever you wanted, you didn’t come to me. You came to her.’’

‘’I hurt her.’’

The next words fly out of your mouth, as weak and totaled as you felt: ‘’Why didn’t you hurt me?’’

‘’This is the most unhealthy shit we ever went through.’’ Dean’s right. You have her expression mesmerized on your brain. Dean was the man on top of her, teaching her how to hate. How to fear. You can’t trust yourself. ‘’I can’t believe you.’’

‘’Neither can I.’’ You were so sick. How ravaged and annihilated one had to be to wish to be a demon's object of obsession? To get jealous that another woman almost died in the arms of a beast that cried his blood out once he came back to being a man and saw what he had done? ‘’I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I was there and I saw how scared of you she was, how all she wanted was to push you away and run because she was so disgusted--’’

‘’Stop.’’ He groaned, but it came out more like a whine than anything. ‘’It wasn’t me. I would never hurt Lis. I would never force her to do anything! I--’’

You gave him a sad smile. ‘’You love her.’’

‘’I love you.’’ Dean approached you, fumbling in despair to fix yet another thing his hands destroyed. If Rome was built in ruins, he was a kingdom. You pulled away before his tough hands landed on you.

‘’But you love her too.’’ The hunter stopped on his spot, unable to answer. ‘’I ruined myself for you, Dean. I can’t-- I won’t do that again. You are right. This is unhealthy. The fact that you’ve been pining for her for so long, pushing down those feelings to the point they are twisted into something so cruel and disgusting. You need help.’’ What kind of ugly you have to have inside you for a monster to love you? And, even worse, what kind of sickness you have trapped, written in your blood to want it to be spilled out in his name? ‘’You really are venom. If this is how you love, it’s scary as fuck.’’ When you loved a broken man, you were never sure if his shattered pieces would glisten or cut your hand once the light came in. Here’s your answer. His parts crawled inside you through pulled up scars, scraping your insides to make into ruins, but you never liked Rome much. You had to be better than that. ‘’Goodbye, Dean.’’

He couldn’t bring himself to go after your steps.

Once again, it’s the kind of freedom no traveler wants. When you lost it all and didn't have any person or place to cling to, when you had to leave because you were becoming the girl you swore you’d never leave, when you walked away willingly without a map.

Still, it was all you had. You’d make a good use of it. You’d be okay. No more ugly emotions or sentiments that made you unrecognizable. No more knives that cut both ways, or situations so complicated you weren’t sure where your morals could rely on.

You’d be okay, healthy, and happy.

You’d be okay.

Comment & reblog. Feedback is magic! Check my masterlist ♡ Tags in reblog!

[snapdragon-mina]

Midnight Sun

a/n: @uliscribbles HI ULI I'M YOUR SECRET SANTA 🎅🏾🎅🏾🎅🏾. I really hope you like this and I hope I did this fic justice,,, I'm still super thankful for what you did for me and I still have absolutely no idea how to repay you, so this'll have to do for now ✨. Enjoy!! 💞

Warnings: a couple f bombs, a smidge of harassment for like a second, and that's about it!

Word Count: 1.2k

Being born into royalty has its perks. You gain the ability to get almost anything your heart desires. Growing up, Y/n always had this ability. Being the first born in a kingdom notorious for having gifted rulers, everything except for your soulmate was gifted to you on a silver platter. 

Waking up just after sunrise, you were greeted by your head servant. "Your Highness, we have quite the day ahead of us." She spoke, already helping you out of bed. 

"Yeah, yeah. It's way too early. Please remind me why I had to wake up *right* after the sun?" You yawned and stretched, heading towards the bathroom where the bath was already drawn. Various different scented soaps and oils littered the bathtub.

"We have a lot to do. We need to maximize our time!"

"Mhm... Run me through the schedule." 

Multiple servants were in the bathroom helping you out. One held your hair up and out of the way as you took your bath and finished up. "As you wish, your highness! First off we have breakfast with the queen and king, after that you have to attend the knighting ceremony." 

"Is that all?" 

"I'm afraid not, the ceremony is followed by a ball to celebrate the new knights. As you know, the ball will last until sunrise. Then, you'll be allowed to sleep in again." 

You looked over at her in a way that just screamed "are you fucking kidding me?" She got the memo and laughed nervously. "I'm terribly sorry about this, your highness, but these are the king's wishes." 

"Yeah yeah. Whatever. Help me get dressed please." 

"As you wish!"

You'd gotten dressed and had the ever so pleasant breakfast with your uncomfortably stuck up parents. All that was left at the moment was the ceremony and ball. These were always boring. You'd never managed to find any sort of enjoyment during these events due to the knights all being as equally serious as your parents. 

You stood behind your mother as she recited the same questions to each knight and gave them their "knighthood". This process went on for over an hour until the final knight appeared. Now this one caught your attention. His hair was the same color as the sun with eyes as blue as the ocean. While the other knights stood with terrifying poker faces, this one had an easygoing smile and extremely kind eyes. 

Your mother recited the questions and he all but answered enthusiastically. After she finished and he was officially dubbed a knight, his gaze landed on you for a brief moment, resulting in the small bit of eye contact the universe needed to send a sharp pain to your wrist. 

Your eyes widened in the slightest as you realized precisely what that feeling meant. Subtly, you turned your arm to where your wrist faced you. There, as you expected, was the symbol of a soul match. A silver rose, etched right there. 

You glanced back over at the knight, and noticed him smiling at you excitedly. It was like looking at an excited puppy. You smiled back at him.

You hadn't seen that knight since the ceremony and the ball had started a little under two hours ago. You obviously searched for him but you'd always get roped into talking to some random prince that wished to court you for power. 

"Excuse me, your highness, but I couldn't help notice how amazing you look." One of them purred, grabbing your wrist as you tried to walk off. 

"Yeah whatever. Let me go, I have something to do." 

"What could be more important than talking to a potential mate? I mean, our parents are talking to each other, gorgeous." His voice was like poisoned honey. It was sweet but you weren't stupid. 

"Do me a favor and kindly fuck off. I'm busy." You hissed, startling him. Unfortunately, that only pissed him off. Before either of you could say anything, the knight from earlier had appeared in front of you. It was liked he'd fallen into your lap. 

"Hello, your Highness. Is he bothering you?" He asked. One hand resting on the hilt of his sword as he smiled down at the prince. This smile wasn't like the one from earlier, this one held… sinister undertones. Thankfully, he shook his head and quickly rushed off. 

He turned to you and bowed. "I know you had it under control, your highness, but I couldn't resist. I'm Mirio Togata." 

"I appreciate the help, Sir Mirio. But I really didn't need it." Despite your tone accidentally coming off harshly, he just smiled at you softly. 

"Oh I'm well aware, it looked like things were gonna get pretty brutal if he kept it up. That's a nasty glare you have there, your highness." He offered his arm to you.

You laughed a little and accepted it, leaving the crowded ballroom and heading toward the gardens. 

"So you're the soulmate I never thought I'd meet." You spoke once you both were further away from the ballroom. 

"Yep! Something told me that a major event -outside of being knighted- was going to happen to me today… even if you weren't my soulmate, just being able to see you in person would've been enough for me." He smiled, watching as butterflies fluttered around the flowers. 

You rolled your eyes playfully at the statement. "You're too nice. Thank you, Mirio."

"Anything for you, y/n." 

Two years after that initial meeting, you and Mirio only grew closer to each other. He showered you with compliments weekly, dedicating an entire weekday to just, absolutely showering you with adoration.

Your parents were your biggest concern, but surprisingly, they weren't as strict as you'd thought. Your father was content with you having someone strong and your mother knew Mirio's intentions were pure, so she trusted your judgement. 

When the time came for you to become the next ruler, it was winter. 

Snow covered the ground and snowflakes were still falling as you walked through the gardens with Mirio one last time before you were crowned. 

"Have I ever mentioned how amazing you look in the snow?" 

"Miri, you do everytime it snows." 

"Good. Because you look amazing! Oh, speaking of snow, your favorite animal is a rabbit, right?" Not knowing where this was going, you hesitated before nodding. He smiled wide and picked you up bridal style, running off in a seemingly random direction. You held onto his neck for dear life, squealing at how sudden it was. 

In a few seconds, the two of you reached the castle stable and he allowed you to stand on your own again. 

"Miri, what are you-" He cut you off with a finger to his lips and a wink. You rolled your eyes but waited patiently. Mirio made vague hand gestures to the people taking care of the animals and they nodded. 

5 minutes passed and eventually, Mirio was handed a cage. He smiled and presented you with said cage. "This is one of the newborns. She's old enough to be away from her mother, but it'd be great if you could let her visit every so often."

"I… I don't even know what to say…" 

He looked a little worried, but it went away as quickly as it came when you kissed him. 

"I'll take that as a "you liked it" Then?" He laughed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

"Of course I like it. Thank you, Mirio. I love you so much." 

"I love you even more, sunshine. Now let's get you back to your room before a certain worker of yours takes my head." He laughed, leading you back towards the palace with your new pet.

[ollypopwrites]

I dont know how frog lady and her frog husband would work in the biker au but I feel like they deserve it anyway pls make it real 😔

okay anon i had no fuckin clue how to do this but @tintinwrites​ writes and I came up with this last night after I received this message so.... here we go lmao

Title: Frog Lady and Frog Husband 

wordcount: 602

warnings: idk I don't want to call it animal cruelty but like let's just say junior and amphibians don't mix well ok and bad language

Peli thought it was a great idea to get Junior not one, but two pets. Din went to drop the bike off at the shop and came home with a tank housing two frogs. 

He had a bad feeling about it. Junior, for whatever reason, had tried to put whatever amphibian he had ever found in his mouth and Din now had two trapped in a glass container. 

You thought it was cute so he had to keep them until you were gone long enough for him to set them free where they wouldn’t be in constant danger of being chewed on by a toddler. 

You set the tank up in his room, a few tiny plants from the shop as decoration along with a sizable water dish and tube of dead bugs. Junior’s face was pressed to the glass so close his little nose kept fogging it up and he kept babbling at them.

“What are we gonna call them?” You asked Junior. 

“He’s not keeping them, they don’t need names,” Din said blandly. 

“Stop it,” you turned to him, “look how happy he is!”

“He’s salivating, he wants to eat them.” 

“What are their names, Din?” You said with a frown. 

He sighed and his head dropped towards his chest. “Frog Lady and Frog… Husband.” 

You snorted, “okay then.” 

Things were fine… for a while. Junior was enraptured by his new pets, he watched them with big eyes. He was not allowed to hold them or put his hands in the cage without supervision but he hadn’t tried to do it on his own yet so Din was mostly okay with it. The damn things had laid eggs, but he figured once they had hatched or did whatever the fuck frog eggs did he would release them all back into the wild and they could move on back to their formerly pet-less lives. 

Until one day he was calling for him and no little stomps came around the corner and there were no little babbling sounds from any room. That usually meant trouble. 

Din walked into the living room where you were reading a book and he asked, “have you seen Junior?”

You shook your head. “Last I checked he was in his room.” 

Din went to the room and took two steps into the door before he yelled, “NO!”

Junior had climbed his way up onto his little dresser, drawers opened partially as they had been used as steps. On the top of the dresser, he had shifted the tank lid up and onto the carpet. In Juniors tiny but meaty fist was a handful of the eggs, and it was slowly heading towards his open mouth. 

Din quickly ran over and grabbed his hand and started trying to get him to drop the eggs, wiping off the ones stuck to his hands. You had run in when he yelled and were rather concerned at the scene before you. 

“How many did you eat?” Din asked the boy who just blinked owlishly at him. 

“Oh god.” You said. 

Both frogs were still in the tank (thankfully) and it seemed Junior had not eaten too many eggs. You had to call poison control to make sure he wasn’t going to die from eating an unknown amount of frog eggs, but the only thing you could do was wait until some kind of symptoms happen and the rest of the day he wasn’t allowed out of anyone’s sight for anything.  

The next day you and Din took the frogs to a nearby pond and wished Frog Lady, Frog Husband, and their remaining brood of eggs the best of luck. 

You both agreed: no more pets until Junior got over his “eating everything” phase. 

taglist (NOTE: I AM SO SORRY IF I HAVE FORGOTTEN TO TAG YOU OMG I JUST REALIZED I WAS USING THE WRONG LIST FOR HIGHWAYMAN CONTENT AND FORGOT PEOPLE PLEASE FORGIVE ME) : 

@himbopoes @mandolovian @hdlynnslibrary @oloreaa @phoenixhalliwell @theocatkov @hopplessdreamer @thisisthe-way @buckstaposition @starlight-starwrites @agingerindenial @bisexual-space-slut @gallowsjoker @shadylightbearherring @teaofpeach @tintinwrites @talesfromtheguild @deliciouslyclassytrash @ben-is-a-hoe @mandilflorian @kiwi-the-first @blue-writes-a03 @sinon36 @66wookies @peachdameron @mstgsmy @luosymekawa @ren-ni @chibi-liz05 @mrsparknuts  @seasonschange-butpeopledont @seeking-a-great--perhaps @thatreclusewriter @windfallss @legally-a-bastard @nominalnebula @5secondsofsumaa @the-feckless-wonder @pascalz @mitchi-c @leo-moon @altarsw @panslabyrinthx @huliabitch @luosymekawa @whatthecensoredxd @paintballkid711 @jedi-mando  @weirdowithnobeardo @Whovian_gurl @honestlystop @giselatropicana @whovianayesha @unstoppableforcce @plainbrunettelbl @marvelous-capsicle @coredrive  @jedi-mando @dazedrhapsody @imalovernotahater @hayley-the-comet @imaginecrushes @its-bootz @wanderlustmags  @revolution-starter  @pointy-sharp @satans-tongues @9allisonjean8 

[itspdameronthings]

Going Home Chapter 5

Summary: After a pregnancy scare.Apple tries to Santi about it,but he put his foot in his mouth. this chapter is a long one!! hope yall enjoy it.

Warning: fighting and pregnancy scare

Weekend is finally here. Time for resting up from the hectic work week. Not the case for Santi and Apple. She has to work at the ER tonight,and won't be home till the early morning. Santi is babysitting his goddaughter, Mia . For a five month old she is full of energy. He is nervous to no end. Afraid he might hurt her or even give her the wrong food. Frankie gave him a list of things she likes,and what time to feed her. Not to mention her baby food. Also her blanket she sleeps with,and the baby monitor. Santi keeps telling himself” I can do this . no problem. Only two days of this. Apple would be there to help me. “ Speaking of his darling . Who has been working hard. She volunteered to work in the ER since there was a nurse due to the stomach flu. She told him that she would text him from time to time. Before the baby gets here. Went to find his guitar . Just in case he has to sing her to sleep. Or to entertain her while she is in the playpen.

Franke yells for Santi to help him with all of the baby stuff. He needs this time away. Even if it was to teach young army recruits to learn the fine art of flying. Good opportunity for his wife to have a break. Randi comes in with the little baby. Still in her carriage. Sits it on the couch. Looks so cute when she is asleep. Frankie tells Santi,” She will be fine. She just had her bottle. If she cries. Just sing something sweet can't have her grow up listening to metallica.” Santi moans,” aww come on man!! She wants to have a hip uncle.” Frankie just rolled his eyes. Before leaving. Frankie leans down to place a kiss on his daughter’s head,and tells Santi,” Thank you for doing this man. Means a lot. Tell apple jacks hope she does not work too hard.” Santi nods and closes the door very softly so it won't wake her up. He goes over to sit next to the baby. Watching her sleeping so peacefully. Thinking how lucky Frankie is. To have a child. A family. Maybe one day him and Apple can have that as well.

Apple hated lying to her love. How can she tell him that she thought she was pregnant. Took a test that did not seem right. As a nurse. She knows something is not right. Before going to work. She went to her doctor to find out what was going on.According to her doctor’s findings that Apple had a false positive. That made her feel really sad. Thought it would be a nice surprise to tell Santi that he was gonna be a daddy. Since Santi has been spending time with his goddaughter, it's natural for him to have those kinds of thoughts. As soon as she got home. She is gonna tell Santi her sad news. In hopes he does not get mad at her.

On the homefront. Santi is having baby problems. Mia was due for her evening feeding. After giving her a bottle. Santi was burping her,and she spit up on his shirt. Which took him by surprise,” Okay little one. You just made a mess on your uncle. Hope you know that I will be smelling like your dinner. Muchas gracias, little one.” After discarding his messy tee,tries to change her diaper. Thinking he got it round her small body. Picks her up,and the diaper falls down. Mia starts to pee! Poor uncle Santiago, not having a good day. Apple watched that ordeal. Puts a strain on her heart. Seeing him with her broke her heart into millions of pieces. Quietly went upstairs to their room and cried.

After giving the little one a bath.Santi looked out the window to see Apple’s jeep under the carport. That puzzled him.She always calls out to him when she comes home. Something is not right. Soon he puts Mia in her bed,and turns on the monitor, goes into their room to see his darling. Curled up into a ball.Sobbing into her pillow. He lays down behind her,” Hay mi amor, what is the matter? Hard day? Want me to get you something to eat.” She wipes her eyes,” No Santi, Not hungry”Santi brushes a few strands of hair from her face,” Don't shut me out honey. Whatever it is. We can work it out.” She sat up so she could lay her head on his chest. Take a breath,” Before work, I felt like I was gonna puke. Thinking I was pregnant . Took a test. The results were not right. Sooo.. I went to the doctor,and found out it was a false positive!! “ Santi didn't know what to feel right now. Sad that he is not gonna be a dad or she didn't let him go to the appointment with her, Lets out a sigh,” baby, why didnt you fucking tell me about this earlier! Though we were done keeping secrets! “ Apple sits up, starts to pace the floor,” You think it was hard not telling you! I was scared Shooter!! Seeing you with Mia made me think about our future. Feel that we might not have that kind of a miracle!” Santi walks over to her, pulls her into his arms.Let her cry.All he could do is hold her tight. He led her back to bed so he could comfort her. Softly sings to her so she could calm down. While rubbing her shoulder,and placing kisses there,” Apple, thought it was a sign that it is not the time for us to be parents. So don't worry about it so much. We have a little one in the other room we can practice on till then. Won't hurt to keep trying to make a baby.” Apple tried not to get mad,” Santi! You sound like it is your mission to make a baby!! Maybe I don't want to try to get pregnant right after the most sad event of our lives!!” He really put his foot in his mouth again.Caused Apple to get up and go outside so she could be by herself.

After the loud outbursts from the adults. Mia started to cry. Like a flash . Santi rushes over to her, picks her up. Rocking her as he walked around the room looking out the window sees his other baby. Sitting under the huge oak tree. How could he say that to her? All he wanted to do is to make her laugh.Not to make her mad. That thought was dashed when Mia started to cry again,” Guess I just screwed up yet again little one. I love your aunt so much. She is the one for me. Always have been. Not ready to be alone again. Afraid she might leave me. “ She reached to touch his rough cheek. That made him tear up. Soon as he puts the little one back to bed. He calls the one person he could trust.

Apple was not doing better either. So many emotions to deal with.Sad about the test results, mad about Santi’s bad choice of words about making babies. Maybe she is not ready for that. Hoping he would understand if they took a break from having sex. Too many things to think about. So she takes out her phone,and calls Lizzy. After a couple of rings,” Omg! What did Doc Bailey say? Are you or are you not pregnant? “ Apple sobs,” It's a false positive! Told Santi about it. He was so hurt about the news ,and pissed that I didn't let him go to the appointment. Then he had the audacity to say that he wants to keep trying to have a baby! After what I went through. Maybe I don't want to rush that just yet.Lizzy sighs,” Honey, have you two ever talked about having a baby? If not? No time like the present to do this. He loves you so much girl! “ Apple took her friend’s advice to heart. Looked up to see Santi watching her from the upstairs window.

Santi was on the phone with Frankie. Pacing around like a caged animal. He is beyond scared. Frankie said,” Dude! Number one you really put your size 10 foot in your mouth. Sometimes you need to see this situation through her perspective. Apple jacks is scared. Just love her Santi, just love her. Show her that there is more to your relationship that just sex. I know that is not the case.I forgot. We are coming home early. Weather is going to be bad tomorrow. “ Santi sighs,” Are y'all in town?” Frankie says,” we are at the diner. Why don't you bring Mia with you. So we can have a family dinner. Might do you some good.” Soon as he got off the phone with Frankie. Packed up a sleeping Mia,and put her in her carrier. Little does that he know. Apple is gonna join them too. Randi just got off the phone with Apple. Both of them are about to walk into an ambush.

Soon as he got Mia all situated in his truck. Noticed Apple’s jeep is gone. Pays no mind to it. Thinking she might have gone out to get something. While driving. He was thinking about the time they spent together. Got him to tear up again,” Come on Santi! Focus! Do what Fish said “think about her feelings . then sees Apple’s jeep! Thinking she is there to get some take out. No! Sees her with both Randi and Frankie! Broke his heart to see her leaning on Frankie’s shoulder . Crying. Santi takes a breath, goes inside, takes a seat behind them. Frankie nudges his wife for her to look behind her,'' See you made it safely. Give me my baby! OH have I missed you! Wearing a small Metallica tee? Santi really.” Apple looked up from Frankie’s shoulder. Caused her to bail. Santi punched his friend’s shoulder,” This was a setup!! What is the deal! “ Randi speaks up,” Call what you want. You two have an issue that needs to be dealt with! So go!” Santi went outside to catch up with Apple. As soon she gets inside of her jeep. Santi knocks on the window,” sweetheart, I want to tell you that I'm a dick about your feelings. Never wanted to hurt you. Talking to our friends made me realize that. Yes, being with Mia made me think about us having a family. Something we never had the chance to discuss. So let's do that okay? Come out so we can figure out what to do.``Apple got out of the jeep,and Santi pulls her close.Rocking her back and forth. After a few moments, she finally calms down. He kissed her tears that fell onto her cheeks. Apple whispers” Glad that you finally see what my mind was going through. Yes, we have never discussed the family thing,I want the same thing,but lets not try to make it the reason for us to have sex Santi. Give me time to process this. Then we could start again. Can you do that for me Santi? Can you wait?” Santi placed both of his hands on her cheeks,” Of course mi amor anything you want. Was afraid that you would leave me! Could bare the thought of that tore me up. “ she kissed his lips, tasted the salty tear,” Why would I do that? We had another fight. So what! Couples fight. So let me get through your thick head Mr. Garcia. I'm not going nowhere!” He pulls her towards the diner and sees Frankie giving him a thumbs up sign.

[huadie]

anchor liveblog post.

the curse of prophecy: all of my high tier kins channel tmg.

" somebody’s gonna get hurt / i hope it’s not me / but i suspect it’s going to have to be.

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episodes 1-3: the general doesn't deserve the sympathy he gets. i'm not excusing a woman who killed happy girls on their wedding days, but i do think he owed her that closure. sending his son just pits the burden onto someone who wasn't involved. he should look his failures and mistakes in the eyes. if you can't count on a god to do that, who can you expect it of? it's disgusting. / i feel so tired and sorry for the girl who died saving a man who hated her and hurt her friend. i don't think kind people should be on the hook for ignorance and spite so willingly. her life for his was an unfair trade. / He's Cute. and wildly unexpectedly gentle considering the whole "demon" thing. / b tells me i'll have kin ptsd about the face disorder, but right now it's just heartbreaking. nobody deserves to live with that kind of fear. nobody deserves to live with that kind of pain. / b also implies someone in heaven is doing it to them for fun and i just want to say right now that i'm going to pull his dick off thru his mouth. that's a tier of evil that should have your blood start boiling inside you in an attempt to disinfect it. that was a child. that was just a scared little boy. not a prop or a toy or a plot device. a child. / i like the baby generals. they are so nineteen but it's nice to see it. i know anime leans on comedy skits a lot, but they can carry it off. they're charming. / heaven looks a bit shit. all of that meditation and betterment and it just makes you a spineless politician with the power to airbend? christ on a bike.

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episode 4-5: initial reactions. watching him swing between fuck-me eyes and genuine emotional distress at no signal i can see is a lot. he's a good painter. i think i get the gist of where he's coming from but it feels insane to me. the twitch duels were cute. he clearly cares a lot more than he enjoys devilry so it's insane to me that he's that strong. general jr destroys me. imagine being so pompous and negligent you'd give your child your name. has he ever been allowed to be his own person? meow meow etc. the face disease is horrific. he was just a kid. he was so scared and in pain. i like the temple. i like that it's raggedy and messy. maybe it should be over-repaired, so people in need can take from it? it's definitely not very reverant, but. gods should serve their people. quotes all of small gods here etc. they should want to serve their people. they should be happy to see their temples valued below human life. it would be nice to live in a ghibli film forever, and read books and cook warm food and paint.

episodes ???. thoughts said out loud. gods own their people. thousands, one, here and now you are alive. gods are owned by their people. it's a cage. it's the most beautiful cage possible. to feed starving people from your hands. the bread and the fishes cut out of you. to give and give and give, to be asked for things you have never had and give them next. each prayer should strip you to the bone. can you imagine? to be so trusted, so cared for, so beloved, so followed, to have so much given to you freely and happily. a live lived to save others is the only beautiful thing. the only beautiful thing! a god should be owned by each of their believers individually. selfishly and shallowly and demandingly. like a child needs you. the power to put a fish back in the water is a blessing so heavy thinking about being created for it should make you wail. to be - for people, for the birds and the trees and the fish too, but for the people. it should break your heart. you should never let it become monotone. sunlight into wine.

on love: i trust b. i trust b. to love him here like this and love him in this skin and then find him again in a book and on a screen and fall in love with him there too, to watch myself fall in love with him too. nobody has ever earned what he freely gives. i want to give it back. oxygen to dioxide, i want to find all the places he stands and pour it back into him. i want to show him how beautiful he is. to love someone like that is a miracle and i want to pull it apart. i want to make him familiar with me and bored of me, i want him to wake up each morning taking me for granted, i want him to be so safe and secure in his place in my heart that it stops being a gift. that it wears down and falls apart. the velveteen rabbit. i want to hold him in my hands like a bubble that hasn't popped and i want to use him like the doorway to a world where even if i had to hurt and be hurt and fall and learn to grow, i can come home at the end of it. my growth can mean something, my stronger back can bear more weight, my lessons can be shared. i want it to mean something. i want to have faith in myself again. in the resurrected kingdom of his arms i can find it - build it. i can come home. it can have turned to gold while i did not see it. it can have worth, i can have worth, i can bend and not break. i can have a claim on things without losing them, without it cursing them. just him. i'm not greedy, i'm not selfish, so please - just him.

episode 6: there's something that hurts about letting other people see what you'll tolerate. what you'll do. the places in your life where you have pathetic history and where you are attempting to be someone who only existed today grinding against one another. i know he knows. i know it isn't a stolen moment, a chance to decide how i exist to someone before they decide it for me. i sleep beneath that painting and whenever i wake up in the night i feel him pretend that he is asleep. i know. i know. but it could have - it could have been. it could have been a lie that i got to play with. a tiny self indulgence. aren't you tired of stars? aren't you tired of being the tree that cannot bend in a storm? of holding yourself down? everyone else does it so easily. everyone else lets go. everyone else knows how. if i can't learn then i want to pretend. i want to be unwanted, and - and meet people. by chance, just chance, and like them and have them like me. no promises i made before i learned i couldn't keep them. just... something smaller. i talked about multiverse theory. how it isn't in the coin flip, but the atoms of the coin. how in one dot you can know everything. every grain of sand in a desert. i cannot survive existing with people thinking of me. not well and not poorly. i want to disappear into it. maybe nobody else is obligated to finish the work. maybe their contributions are a blessing. but i can't... learn how to let it go. it's all i have left in me that i recognize, somedays, as it gathers dust and makes me sick to breathe around. what am i if i am not that? i want to know. i'm scared to know. i will never be allowed to find out.

on being loved: god. it is too much. i don't hate it. it doesn't disgust me. but i feel like a plate being washed in every inch of the sea before i am allowed to see dry land again. i feel like i won't survive it if i look at it because it is a mosque decorated in mirrors, because it is mathematically perfect, because it holds the tiny miracles of angles and existence and light on par with the miracles of human heart and existence, because to make at all is to change the world for the first time, because i do not want to see what it reflects. i do not want to see it. i would be better if it lied to itself, if it was delusional and selfish and obsessed with smoke tricks. if it saw silk and paint and stopped looking. i don't want to know what i look like with my hair down, with my face clean, with my feet dirty, with my hands raw - i don't want to see what it sees to know that it loves there too. i don't want to follow it. i don't know how to make it stop. how could i - how could anyone be held accountable for this? to this? to prayers and plans and a kindness that changes the world in every grain of sand it has and again the next second, how could anything be worth this? and if it could - it couldn't be me. not a collection of stupid wishes and failures and betrayals-by-failure. not me with my hair down. silk could be worth this.

on being loved now that it isn't the middle of the night, and my body isn't betraying us both, and i can remember that there are an infinite number of steps between 0 and 1: but really, it's just ink. just paper. if it's - if he. if it's everything. if it's everything. then it can be one thing. it can be this thing. it can be the blindness. it can be me with my own hands over my own eyes like a shutterbox pretending i don't know how to see myself and admit that the pea beneath my mattress only hurts me - that it's small, to him, that it isn't sharp, that it's a phantom limb i can't stop being tormented by and only ever that. can that be enough to start? can i let it? it's atoms again. grains of sand. if he can love this, he can love everything. if i can see this, the rest falls away. there are more universes where we are kissing than every atom from the start to the end of time. that's how it works. i'm going in circles. you don't mind, do you? i'm writing this for you. you're the only person reading this. i don't know why i'm being impersonal about you when i'm being possessive about me. it won't protect me. it won't make it less terrifying to think of, and it won't make it less painful for you to read. i know you're already mad at yourself for being too much. for making me think that it's too much. you're kind to me like that, even when things are my fault. but if we can sit here together, and i can know that you know i can't imagine being loved, and that that - that moment, that dot, me unable to count to the place where numbers end - is something you love too. if i can just see this one moment, and not doubt it or question it or be afraid of it. it can be enough. because you know how hard i'm working to get to even this first step. you know how hard i'm working. you know how scared i am. you know it isn't you. you'll wait for me, with me, and you won't hate me for it. you promised.

on being forgiven: i don't know how to do it for myself. i don't know how to blame people for what they do to me unless it's the most extreme circumstance. i forgive too much that shouldn't be and hold ignorance and spite against others long past when it's fair. i handwave any scar someone gave me while they were suffering and never let go of what they do to others. i don't know what makes it different when it's me. i guess i know how to forgive myself for being scared and lost and for making bad decisions under the influence of... whatever... but not lazy cruelty. not letting something bad happen because i felt like it. all i do now is watch. all i do is let things slide past me again and again and again and do nothing to help and it can't matter that my heart breaks about it when theirs don't if none of us get up, and i remind myself that small steps do more than a single leap that uses me up but it's so hard to believe that here and now in the world where i could die if i tried again and harder still to comprehend in a world where 800 years of lives were made and suffered through and lost and i did nothing that matters to help. maybe all of the horrible backstory parts you're so scared of me seeing will be ones where i could do something, where i could climb up and let everyone take a raw bite out of me and go without starving for just one day, and then this won't cut me up inside like i swallowed a hedgehog. some days i am the hedgehog. trapped inside me, unable to stop being something that cuts to have there, unable to get away. i don't know how you can forgive me. i don't even know if you know what i need forgiving for. if i apologize for saving your life - for coming back to you again and again and again and being so selfish and. i don't know. for being me, while you try to love me, instead of being the person i can't forgive myself for not being, who deserves to be loved by you like this. but you'll forgive me. how do you do it? how do you stand it? i'm jealous of you. of how easy your heart warms up. of how kind you are.

kosmi 1-6 rewatch: i dislike pei su less now that i can see him as a person with a horrific job and less as a vehicle for the lies i know pei ming told about every woman he ever used and threw away. "i burned the scroll and won the war on my own" yeah right. gotta get that out first before i start collecting my thoughts. um.

one: the ascention, the earthquakes, (all that fuss for a scrap god. you told me the order it went in, when i asked, and i still think it's funny in a way that validates what i've been saying for something only the most in-need ask for help with to rattle the bells from warlord's palaces. they aren't ignorable. more than - more than anything else, anything before, i can be proud of this. i can be proud of myself for this.) i hate the way people look at you like you're infected with something because they can't play pretend that their inaction isn't malice any more. the bets and jokes and sneers. what have you done, lately? what help have you given? what good are you? and then there's me: starting as ever in unfixable debt, anchoring desperately to simple kindnesses, too tired to do more than smile. it's not worth it. it's never worth it. (being loved and losing it is worse than never knowing. being able to love yourself and losing it is worse than that.) the way that heaven sits unfixable and unchanging and incompetent. i'm proud of them for making something of their futures. i am. i don't begrudge them anything. i trust their character and i trust them to try to do the right thing for the people. i'm glad they didn't fight hua cheng. the kids are sweet. they're little carbon copies of their generals. it's sweet. it's kind. i like how... okay, they're mean and short tempered and fight like cats in a bag, but it's just the way you are at that age. it's not personal. it's easier to stand. i know there's gender coding tm in the novel, but i hate man-in-a-dress gags that point out that the man looks bad in a dress. i thought it was fine.

one point five: ok. i'll talk about it. the butterflies on the dress, the gentle music, the way our colours matched, the way your hand felt in mine. the sound of rain. i didn't know people could be so gentle. i didn't know they knew how. i think it was better for my health, before, when i assumed the best i ever saw was the best people were capable of. worse for me, though, to believe that. i'd forgotten what it was like to see myself in someone else's eyes as welcome.

zero point five: flashback sequence goes here. of course i remember what it was like to be loved, and work towards a clear goal that helped people. of course i remember what it was like to have a home that loved me back. he looked so scared as he fell. he looked terrified. i don't... i'm not good. at hating people. when i know everyone is driven to where they arrive in some degree or other. but that - whatever the reason they think they had, it isn't enough. it couldn't ever be enough. i hate seeing the human face disease. i hate how scared they are. how obviously in pain they are. i know they can't have survived. but i wish they could. i would give anything if they could. i would give anything up for it. have i talked about responsibility enough that this isn't a surprise yet? nobody should be that scared. nobody should suffer who hasn't chosen it to protect others. nobody should have to choose it, either, but if heaven has already failed you -

two: i hate that bald man. i hate watching that poor freckled girl throw herself on him again and again to save him just because he's human, while he takes every turn to re-learn hate and jealousy and hurt others. when he talks to his friends he almost humanizes himself, and i hope the time he spends as a crab fixes the rest. i truly do. but god i hate to see it. i hate being unable to do anything, because she chose it, because she knows him more than me, because her heart is kind enough to reach out to him even as it betrays and abandons the people in-need who can only go to her for help. you have to triage need. a life lived with the intent to harm others cannot come before a life lived with the intent to help, or to simply survive. anyway. the concern i get shown whenever i talk about the butterfly ghost is so charming.

three: i hate pei ming. his story is shallow and self-praising, his jilted lover competent and proud before he cured her of that with a kiss. i don't believe she broke her legs. i don't believe he passed over the chance to shortcut his way into glory. am i supposed to believe women just act like that? they just break their own knees for attention? she destroyed herself for him and he can't even pretend to care. not even at the end. not even to lie, and let her move on. so, what? thirteen girls die terrified and alone on the happiest day of their lives (- and we know it was happy for them, we know they went smiling up the path, we know they were excited) because he didn't have the stamnia to apologise to one person he hurt? i hate him. i hate his name, i hate his family, i hate his legacy of butchers, i hate his cowardice in sending pei su to grind out his cover story and then hide his mistakes where he doesn't have to look. i hate him. / i feel. so bad for that boy. he was so scared. do you know how scared you have to be to take scissors to yourself? i do. i have, literally, in the last year, actually. and that was... one cut. to avoid the risk of infection. sleeping on a wound that screams at you? he was a child. he was just a child. i let him down. there's no excuse. he needed reassurance. he needed protecting. i let him down.

four: i like that shrine. i like making it, owning it, doing something meaningful. i think a shrine for scrap should be made of more materials than it needs. i think it should be a place to sleep, always, and a place to eat, and you should be able to strip the roof if you need to. i don't care about what is proper, or respectful. respect the god of scavenger birds by surviving at any cost. by using what is useful. by taking what is free. i can build it again. if i know - if i can believe one good thing about myself, it's that i can build it again. as many times as it takes. i won't wear out. i won't give up. i can build it again. and how lucky, this time, to have help. there are so many things i can't do, even now. i need to learn. i never even thought about it until i saw that door. too long alone in my own head. too many years spent without it feeling worth the effort when a band-aid would hold.

four point five: again, ok, fine. i'll talk about it. you're beautiful. your eyes are like starlight, your smile is the warmest thing i've ever seen, your hands should be buried in an instrument, your painting is beautiful, your laugh is endearing - what do you want from me, here? of course i was looking. it's different to look now with your hand in mine than it was, then, to look just to look. to count threads just to count. to run my fingers through your hair and across your palm just to touch something. of course i knew. who wouldn't know you? who couldn't tell? but then, what was i going to do? know it? say it? ask things? better to be stupid, and naive, and find out what knife is waiting for me when it happens. i'm tired of speeding through the sweet moments to get to the next blade. i'm tired of being pushed from place to place. i'm tired of being alone. wasn't it fun? didn't we have fun? didn't you like talking together and cooking together and waking up in the morning in an empty shrine with the promise of another day to fill it? do i have to scream and shout and be suspicious and accuse you of - what! of holding my hand? of helping me? of being the exact same as everyone in heaven still deigning to look at me and thinking of me only as a tool to an end in a plan that will hurt people who did nothing wrong but pray? what can the harvest hope for if not the care of the reaper man? if it's - it always hurts. it always hurts. if it's going to hurt. why shouldn't it be kind first? why shouldn't i play stupid and keep you close and be usable without a heart left in me to break? why shouldn't i enjoy it for what it is, if it's all a lie? better me than someone who would be hurt by it. you're smart, and easy to talk to, and you're helping. you can't unbuild that door. unsweep the entryway. you can't undo the physical evidence of when you were kind. that's enough. that's all i can ever ask of people.

four point now: yes i know you wouldn't, now, i know you now, i don't need to gamble. i know you'd build a thousand doors. i know there's no trick. i know that it's safe. i know that i could have accused you and screamed and bit you and nothing would have made a difference and you still would have been kind. i know. i promise i know. i just... have to say where it was before. i have to tell you how important that kindness was, and how much i was willing to be kind to my own self to keep it near me. you understand what i mean, right? the tiny unforgivable act of making a mistake that could only hurt me? i know, i know. cocky to assume it would just be me hurt. but - if i was right to hope for nothing, i would make sure of that. i would make sure of it. i would do what i needed to to make sure only i was hurt for my selfishness.

five: i hate that we built a shrine and the next day something like that waltzed in. now we have to clean again. (i said in the stream, how funny it was to run that only survivor scam, how quickly it falls apart if you've ever seen real suffering, if you know what a survival rate is.) the rest i don't remember. i like working as a team. i like how much the kids hate you. they can tell too. i don't know what they see. but they worry about me. why do they worry so much? do their generals have something invested in me? are they just trying to do what they can now, and my caring for them isn't a one-way road? do you look that sketchy?

six: talking about the plot? in a sandstorm? no. you should keep my hat on. you look so sweet and cute and shy in it. i love the way you crumple when you aren't at the wheel, when an interaction happens without your instigation. maybe i'm not the only one bad at taking kindness. maybe i should offer it to you more often. you smell nice. like hot clay and silk. it's subtle. is that a ghost king thing, or is it just you? i like it. i can't imagine what i smell like. i hope... lillies and cotton. something soft. i'll ask you one day. i'm not surprised you were the most solid thing in a storm. i won't be surprised if you keep being that. i should have let you catch me. i should have dragged you with me. are you immune to it? could you stop it? would you pretend to be as useless and helpless as i am? i want to keep putting you in situations in disguise just to see what you do. it's fun! it probably shouldn't be, and i'm sure i'm setting myself up for a public shriving the more it becomes obvious who you are and how much i depend on you, but. i don't care. if i suffer for it, so what? what difference will that make? what could one more condemnation possibly do?

six point five: i like seeing sqx. i still read that as squeeks. i like seeing squeeks. i like sharing this with teddy. i like knowing that the way we are together can translate to here. i like how kind he is to me, and how funny, and sweet. i want to see him be happy. i want to see him be happy even though i know enough to infer it won't last. i know you love me with the power of a thousand angry wasp queens but it's nice to just sit next to him and joke with him and pretend for a little bit that i got to do this all the time. that i spent all my years drinking honey and rosewater and laughing with him, that things were as kind and easy as they're allowed to be. it's cute when i say he has a moral code and he gets offended. it's cute when i say he's a bitch and he gets offended. i like the way it makes all three of us laugh. i like seeing a place in my heaven where you could be. i don't want you to give up what you built. you built it because you had to. but when i'm sitting with my head on his shoulder, it's a window to that place where heaven exists to help people, where none of us ever had to learn what misery really was.

what power obliges from you: action. movement, always. there is no down time, no sleep, no rest, no running. if you seek people out to rule them - and that is what ascention is, seeking to rule, to tie your survival to your treatment of them - then you cannot do it with force and with ignorance and with the desire to coast. like. i'm not stupid. i know men do. for centuries and centuries with no repercussions, until the king on the rope for his people is as far related to the man who razed their lands as i am, (but inheriting evil is a choice too). i know how easy it is to punish and hurt and demand. how easy it is to hold people for ransom. but that isn't... that isn't power. that isn't kinghood or godhood or divine right. it's worthless. it's the other end of a sword. it kills you both to use. there's no light left in the world, no wonder, no chance to be saved by others so long as you are the thing that keeps you both drowning. you should wake up in the middle of the night for them without being asked. you should bleed for them without being asked. you should be ready to die for them without them ever knowing. even at their worst. at their most entitled, afraid, undignified, ignorant - if they are those things, the blame falls on you. if you are voted in democratically or born to the monarchy and not hanged in the streets it is the same either way: the people have chosen, they are asking you for something, and if you live in their gold and silk and sing their songs instead of smashing your own head in with a rock then you have agreed to the terms. why would anyone be unwilling to do that? afraid to do that? if you can do even a little bit more than someone else they are owed half of the excess. you cannot live in the world alone. you must not live in the world alone. ask the people above you to bleed for you and the people below you for nothing. there is no hierarchy beyond "i can help you" and "please help me" and there is no meaning beyond it either. every day it is hard to remember this but you have to, both parts, without losing either. why wouldn't anyone want this? what else is there to strive for but to better help others, to be someone with an abundance to share, to be used like that for the survival of everyone. isn't that happiness? to be as connected to everyone around you as a river is? to give water and fruit and blessings and promises and safety and shelter? you can seek power without understanding that it is only deeper service, but you will never do anything worthwhile with it. the gold will rot with your corpse. we find immortality in one another, and the celebration of giving more.

???: i saw a video of someone opening their back gate onto a meadow of the same single flower. it was beautiful. that's what it feels like when i catch you looking at me. we could grow flowers, couldn't we? we could plan a garden? i don't want to see myself fall and fail twice at least, or fight a war, without something kind at the end. i want you to tell me there's a way to still be like this - repairing doors, eating small meals, sleeping in warm air - after all of that is done. i want to build something selfish and self-sufficient together. i know we already are. in the things we talk about the jokes we make at my own expense whenever further plot implies at me. and in how excited i was to find out that the word for butterfly was this one. but i want to make things with our hands again.

episode 7: well. i'm glad it was me.

episode 7 (a day later): i'm still glad it was me. i'm proud of the kids for how brave they are, proud of that general for saving lives every time - and god, it was so funny sitting there in a circle of contempt for him, touching a gravestone people had hand cut and hauled up the mountain and carefully ingraved with their thanks, thinking about how loved and how much gratitude he must have died surrounded by. thank you for making them treat it with respect. thank you. he did his best. i'm almost jealous of it. imagine how nice it would be to help people, and have them see that you helped them, and be happy about it, and think kindly of you. i'm glad that you understood how important his actions were. i feel less alone when you're beside me on matters like that. anyway - i'm glad it was me. you're so bad at letting people care for you. i can tell you've been alone with only yourself to depend on for a long time. but your heart is so soft, you know? you don't even know it. you deserve to be protected. to be with people who want to protect you. it doesn't matter if you could have caught it in time, or survived a bite if you didn't - you should be able to think of yourself as precious to others. to me. i don't want to see you hurt. i don't ever want to take your hard-won strengths for granted. on the last day of earth, i want to move between you and danger as quickly and without apology as i did then. you're so easy to care for. do you know? and i'll be okay. i know you blame yourself for it because you said, because you're never gentle with yourself the way you are with me. but if you hadn't been there, i'm sure i would have stepped between someone else and that bite. i'm sure i would have forgotten again to grab the stinger i was just warning everyone about. you know what would change? if you hadn't been there, if you'd been a bit faster with your own defense, "if" "if" "if" - ? i wouldn't know there was a cure. i wouldn't know where to look for it, or be able to depend on someone helping me find it. that's the difference you made by being there. that's the only influence you had on me that day. you keep giving me the chance to survive my own mistakes. thank you. i can't promise we won't end up here again. i can't promise i won't keep trying to protect you. all i can do is hope that you know i don't mean it as a slight on your capabilities (it isn't! i just care about you. even the strongest man alive should be loved by people who want to shield him from danger) and that you don't get tired of me being so reckless.

[linskywords]

Need some advice. I've been stuck in my undergrad studies. I'm about to graduate but I don't like what I've been studying for the past 4+ years, I feel like I wasted a lot of time, and I don't know what to do with my life after graduation. What would any character from the wolfverse (maybe Tyler?) do?

What a good question! Here is what Tyler would do:

He kind of hates this thing he studied. But he majored in it so he must not really hate it, right? So he gets a job in it at somewhere soulless and corporate.

He hates it so much. Every day is a struggle. He's counting minutes until five, and there are always way more minutes than he can imagine living through. He starts leaving home so late in the mornings that he can barely squeak into work on time, and then he starts showing up five or ten or fifteen minutes late and can't bring himself to do better. He starts hoping that something goes horribly wrong like his apartment floods or he gets pneumonia or breaks a leg or something just so he doesn't have to go into work that day.

It pays well, though, and it's a job in his field. Lots of his friends don't have jobs at all yet. This is what life is when it's going well and he should be happy with it and if he's not happy it's because something is wrong with him. He just needs to try harder.

He starts going out every night to forget how shitty and worthless he is. Sometimes he gets drunk enough that he picks up guys, and then he hates himself for that because of course he is also in denial about being gay.

There's this one guy, Jamie, who's always at this one club on Fridays, and Tyler spends two weeks noticing him and then one night dancing with him and they go back to Jamie's place and Jamie fucks him and it's so good. Tyler lies in his arms afterward and is afraid to go to sleep because he doesn't know when he'll get to feel good like this again.

He and Jamie hook up a few more times but Tyler obviously isn't going to date him or anything. Even if he were gay, Jamie probably dates people who have their life together, who are really the happy successful type of person Tyler's pretending to be, who never go into the stairwell at work and just stand there for a few minutes trying not to cry.

One Saturday when Tyler’s really hungover he stumbles out for food and on the way back he walks by this animal shelter with puppies in the window. He's not sure he's allowed to go in, but the door is open and there are balloons, so he goes in and gets to sit on the floor with the puppies for two hours and it's the best he's felt in a long time.

He starts coming to the shelter every Saturday. They aren't usually having an open house, but they let him walk the dogs and clean the cages and even give the animals food and meds. Sometimes when he's at work he sits at his desk when he's supposed to be doing Important Corporate Things and imagines that he's back at the shelter with the dogs, just petting them and finally feeling okay.

He starts messing up at work. He's pretty decent at the stuff he does but it's hard to get himself to pay attention to it and sometimes he misses important things. His bosses call him into their office and tell him that he has to do better, and he wants to crawl under the table and die.

That Friday Tyler drinks an extra lot and Jamie is there but he seems unhappy with him somehow, and Tyler wants to figure out why but he's too drunk and then it seems like Jamie doesn't even want to dance with him and Tyler feels so sick and he goes off to the bathroom to throw up and cry a little maybe. Then Jamie is THERE and he sees Tyler throwing up and being a mess and now he's gonna hate him and why can't there be even one thing in Tyler's life he doesn't fuck up for himself??

Jamie brings Tyler home and doesn't even want to fuck him, even though Tyler tries. But he puts Tyler to bed and lies there with him and it's kind of nice to just be held by Jamie, really nice actually, and Tyler ends up crying more and telling him how much he hates his job and how he'll have to go to it again on Monday and it ruins the whole weekend, knowing that. And Jamie seems really worried and says some nice stuff and holds Tyler close and Tyler doesn't deserve it but he lets himself pretend for a while.

When Tyler wakes up Jamie is gone, but there's a text on his phone that says, this is jamie--tell me if ur ok! And Tyler's really excited to see it for about half a minute but also it's really embarrassing that Jamie needed to do that. Tyler doesn't remember what he said last night super well, but he knows it was really bad and he goes hot-cold with shame every time he thinks about it. lol yeah just a weird night, im totes good he texts back. Then he takes some Advil and goes to play with the puppies and decides he’s going to be less of a mess.

Part of being less of a mess is not going to that club anymore where Jamie saw him fall apart but Friday afternoon his bosses yell at him again. Then he has two drinks and is like, fuck it, so he goes and Jamie doesn't shove him away when Tyler tries to dance with him and then they make out in an Uber and fuck twice at Jamie's place. Then in the morning Tyler is going to leave, but Jamie asks what he's up to that day and Tyler tells him about the dog thing and Jamie's like, can I come?? So Tyler takes Jamie to see the dogs and Jamie's so happy and Tyler looks at him in the middle of the floor, surrounded by dogs, and he just hurts knowing he’s not gonna feel like this for a whole ‘nother week.

So he goes up to the nice lady in charge of dogs and asks her if he can volunteer more hours here, and she's like, yeah, we're actually hiring, if you want to apply. And he's like, haha, no, I'm soulless corporate thing, thanks, though. But then Jamie comes up to him and is like, what was that about? And Tyler tells him about the application, like it's totally a joke, but he also wants to cry a little and he’s not sure he hides it all that well. And Jamie's like, you have to apply. Haha, no, Tyler says, I have this degree in soulless corporate thing, remember? And the nice dog lady is like, oh, we don't care about that. You're great with the dogs; you should definitely apply. And Tyler fills out the application even though he feels like he can't breathe the whole time and he knows this isn't going to work and he’s just waiting for someone to come along and tell him he isn't allowed. But it’s nice to pretend.

That week he and Jamie text a little, nothing big, and Tyler tries not to think too much about the job application because obviously he isn't going to get it but then they call him in for an interview on Wednesday and they call him Thursday night to tell him HE GOT THE JOB. Tyler's so excited he texts Jamie right away and Jamie's thrilled and Tyler sort of accidentally invites him to dinner to celebrate the next night, and then he spends all Thursday night dreaming about puppies.

But then he goes in to work on Friday morning and remembers what his life is actually like, and what was he thinking, imagining he could quit? This job is the right choice, the one that has a future, and the dog job doesn't even pay a lot of money and he'd be wasting his degree and ruining his life and he wants to cry every time he thinks about it.

He goes through the whole morning like that and then it's their Friday afternoon meeting where Tyler presents his project and they're all like, what about the other half of the project? And he's like, what? And there are all these glances exchanged and Tyler starts shaking and fumbling his words and he leaves the meeting and just sits in his office, still shaking, and finally he's like, no. He gets up and goes into his boss's office and quits. Then he walks out while his boss is still staring at him and stands outside on the steps of their building and feels dizzy but also like the whole world just opened up. Like he's finally free.

He goes to dinner with Jamie and tells him he quit and Jamie is thrilled for him and Tyler has this giddy ridiculous bubbly feeling in his stomach that makes him laugh more than he has in a month. Then Jamie gets this hesitant look on his face and is like, is this a date? And Tyler's like, NO WHAT WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT WHY DO YOU WANT IT TO BE and is basically hyperventilating and Jamie takes his hand across the table and says shyly, well, I kind of wanted it to be a date and Tyler melts and dies and Jamie holds his hand for all of dinner even though they can't cut their food properly and after they go outside and Jamie kisses him in the street and Tyler's never been happier.

Then the next day he goes and does his formal paperwork with the animal shelter for his new job and he starts that afternoon and it's great. He doesn't love every minute of it but he loves 95% of the minutes, even the ones where he’s cleaning the cages. The only bad ones are when he has to deal with rude would-be dog adopters, and even that's okay because they go away and it's him and the dogs again. And every time someone's like, wow, you seem like you really like your job! He's all sheepish like, haha, I mean, yeah, but I got my degree in this other thing. And finally Jamie's like, why do you keep saying that? You know no one cares what you got your degree in. And Tyler's like, I don't know, isn't it weird that I don't work in that field? And Jamie's like, um, no, like everyone I know works in a field different from what they got their degree in. And Tyler's like WHAT WHY DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME THIS. And then he feels dumb but also really happy and he kisses Jamie and plays with puppies and is very happy forever and ever the end.

In sum:

Never do what Tyler Seguin would do

A lot of times employers care that you have a degree and not what it’s in

A lot of jobs aren’t even obviously jobs until you graduate and find out about them

There is often very little relation between our interests in academia and what we enjoy doing for a significant number of hours per week in the workforce

Pay attention to the things you actually enjoy on a day-to-day basis (do you like solitude? independent problem-solving? organizing other people? talking to crowds?) and talk to some people with jobs about the rhythm of their days and see what sounds appealing to you

A job doesn’t have to be a passion. Some people get lucky and end up feeling like their paid work is their driving force in life, but lots of us just have jobs that are enjoyable enough and end up finding the stuff that makes our life meaningful outside of work

Always ask Jamie Benn on a date

Good luck. Hope life looks less stressful on the other side of commencement. :D