#is this the longest review I've ever written lol

[reivrze]

Hii!

So maybe crush en- when them and their crush kiss but then their crush gets distant (what it is is that their crush is nervous abt the new feelings ofc) like highschool au. But if you want you can make it like the last one where’s it’s a Niki imagine that’s enemies to lovers idk lol

a/n : i apologize for the wait, i wanted to work on my series so i didn't do many requests but i hope you like this ! also i decided to leave a few of these as a cliff hanger to add suspense hehe 😈 also i didn't really commit to the highschool au thing sorry, but i wanted to make the scenarios vary, and the highschool au is restricting

pairing : crush!enha x gn!reader genre : fluff, angst warning : cursing ( ? ), probably the longest reaction i've ever written, didn't proof read lmao sorry

l. heeseung . ⁺

you guys had kiss during a truth or dare game amongst friends, your friends had been the one that dared you to kiss him as they knew you had the biggest crush on him since first grade. sure this wasn't how you had wanted your first kiss with him to go like but you were sure as hell not going to let this opportunity slip from you.

you had avoided heeseung for the rest of the night, feeling embarrassed from the earlier kiss between you two. you had been scared that if he could talk to you alone for two second that he'd tell you that the kiss was purely platonic and he had just complied because it was a dare.

what you didn't know what that he had been looking for you while you were hiding away from you. you didn't see how his cheeks turned pink the second your lips made contact with his. you didn't catch the way his hands flinched at your proximity, oh how he wanted to pull you closer to him and it killed him to keep his hands to himself. you didn't notice how his eyes saddened when he felt the warmth of your lips leave him. if only you knew all the things you missed.

p. jongseong . ⁺

jay had invited you to the studio, he had been working on a song for past month and wanted you to help him review it. you guys spent the night going over his work, not even noticing how tipsy you were getting from the wine you had been sipping together for over a few hours.

as the alcohol made its way through your veins, you head started feeling dizzy and your lids heavy, feeling tired, you laid your head on jay's shoulder. you looked up from underneath him, staring at his strong jaw, straight nose, beautiful eyes, and his oh-so soft looking lips. not really thinking much of it, your hand made its way to jay's cheek and turning his face down towards you. for once, you took a risk ad you brought his lips down to yours.

jay, not wanting to kiss you while you were intoxicated, pulled you away from him gently. realizing what you had just done, you panicked, profusely apologizing while slurring your words and pushing yourself back up ready to leave. jay didn't want you to ge the wrong message as he quickly stood up, helping you get steady,

"hey hey, love, you don't have to apologize, i want to kiss oyu but i want it to be when you'll remember it, not when you're drunk"

i struggled with that last line of dialogue, it doesn't sound as good as i wished it to be

s. jaeyun . ⁺

jake and you were engrossed in a friendly game of Twister. the colorful mat sprawled out on the floor, and your bodies twisted and contorted in an attempt to follow the game's instructions. laughter filled the room as you struggled to maintain your balance, your limbs tangled.

as the game progressed and trying to keep your balance got increasingly difficult, one misstep caused you to fall down, right on top jake, ultimately making him fall as well. for a moment, time stilled as the realization that your lips were against one another's sank into both of you, you body reacting quickly after, as you lifted your self off him, stammering apology after apology.

jake, however, had a different response, ignoring the words coming out of you as he snaked his hand around your waist, bring you back down, reconnecting your lips.

p. sunghoon . ⁺

you and sunghoon found yourselves in the middle of a heated argument. your voices grew louder, each trying to prove your point. as the tension escalated, you couldn't help but notice sunghoon's lips, mesmerized by their shape and the way they moved when he spoke. it was distracting, to say the least.

lost in your thoughts, your attention wandered from the argument, and without thinking, you leaned forward, capturing sunghoon's lips in an unexpected kiss. time seemed to stand still as your lips met, momentarily silencing the escalating argument. your action caught sunghoon off guard, and he blinked in surprise before quickly reciprocating the kiss, his lips molding with yours.

feeling a mix of embarrassment and excitement, you pulled away slightly, your cheeks turning a shade of crimson. but before you could apologize or explain yourself, sunghoon reached out and gently pulled you back in, deepening the kiss. in that moment, he whispered against your lips,

"this does not mean you won the argument."

the unexpected passion of the kiss lingered in the air as you finally broke apart, your eyes locked for a brief moment. both you and sunghoon were left speechless, your argument momentarily forgotten amidst the charged atmosphere. tt was clear that the kiss had stirred something within both of you, a connection that went beyond your disagreement.

k. sunoo . ⁺

the room was filled with tension as sunoo sat on the couch, listening intently to you pouring out your stress and anxiety over your upcoming finals. you could feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, you voice quivering and tears welling up in your eyes. the pressure had become too much, and you couldn't hold it back any longer.

"I just… I don't know what to do anymore," you managed to say between sobs, your vulnerability shining through your words.

sunoo's heart ached seeing you like this, feeling the depth of your pain. without hesitation, he moved closer, his warm presence offering solace. he reached out and gently wiped away your tears with his thumb, offering a comforting smile.

"hey, it's okay," he whispered softly. "you don't have to face this alone. I'm here for you."

as his words washed over you, a mix of emotions swirled within you. the rawness of the moment, coupled with the care he displayed, brought you closer to him. in that instant, you closed the gap between you and pressed your lips against his, seeking solace and connection amidst the chaos.

immediately realizing what you had done, you pulled away abruptly, your cheeks flushed with embarrassment and regret. "I'm so sorry," you stammered, your voice barely audible. "I shouldn't have done that.

sunoo's eyes sparkled with a mix of amusement and affection. he pulled you back into his embrace, holding you gently but firmly. with a lighthearted tone and a soft chuckle, he reassured you,

"you know, I'll always be here to listen to your worries, no matter how big or small. and as for the kissing part, let's save that for better conditions. maybe when you're not feeling so overwhelmed with finals stress."

y. jungwon . ⁺

you and jungwon found yourselves attending a lively new year's party, surrounded by friends and shimmering decorations. the air was filled with anticipation as the countdown to midnight approached. as the clock's hands neared 12, you couldn't help but steal glances at jungwon. you had been friends for a while, but lately, your feelings had blossomed into something more. your heart raced with nervous excitement, unsure of how jungwon felt.

when the moment finally arrived, the room erupted in cheers, and all eyes turned toward the large clock hanging on the wall. you couldn't resist stealing one last glance at jungwon, your eyes locking just as the clock struck 12.

in that instant, an impulsive surge of courage overcame you. you leaned in and pressed your lips against jungwon's, sharing a brief but electrifying kiss. immediately pulling back, your cheeks flushed with a mix of embarrassment and excitement. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me," you stammered.

to your surprise, instead of being taken aback, jungwon burst into a warm laughter. he gently took your hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a tender kiss on your knuckles. "what a cute and romantic way to ask me to be your boyfriend," he said, his voice filled with affectionate amusement.

n. riki . ⁺

you and niki had been diligently practicing a beautiful and romantic choreography for the end-of-year showcase. the dance was filled with intricate movements and delicate touches that reflected your deep connection. as the music swelled to its crescendo, you found yourselves in the final position, your bodies intertwined and faces mere inches apart.

lost in the intensity of the moment, your heart raced, overwhelmed by the electric energy between you. without thinking, you leaned in and pressed your lips against niki's. realizing what had just happened, you quickly pulled away, your face flushed with surprise and embarrassment.

"m-my apologies," you stammered, your voice barely audible as you hastily gathered your things and dashed out of the practice room, desperately needing a moment alone to process the unexpected kiss. but you didn't get far before niki caught up to you, his footsteps echoing behind. gasping for breath, you turned around to face him, your eyes wide with trepidation. before you could utter a single word, niki reached out and gently took hold of your trembling hand.

"hey, you didn't give me time to say something.." he breathed out, slightly amused at the whole situation.

"i wanted to ask you if you'd like to grab coffee sometime? get to know each other outside of dance practice, you know?"

© miyu 2023 - do not copy, translate, repost or plagiarise my work anywhere !

[yuseirra]

ONK CH 158 review and Character Analysis: the parallels of the protagonists with their parents + more

Starting off! I think this development might actually be okay, depending on what happens later.

It’s too early to judge whether the development is good or bad! I was really surprised... but after dissecting it, it's not as bad as I initially thought. I actually think it works and I like things about it. I've been analyzing very thoroughly lately, and I think it might be fine to wait out a bit more and see how things go.

This manga is excellent at character creation and relationship building, and this seems like a good time to explore the parallels they have with one another because it is THIS chapter that shows it very well. I thought I’d summarize my thoughts on that.

This analysis is probably the longest I've ever written, I had a lot of fun writing it too~

This was originally written in another language and I couldn't dare to rewrite the whole thing so I used my trusted partner, chatgpt 4.0.. If there's something off, it's probably that it didn't get the context. I'm going to skim over this, but writing a disclaimer just in case!

I feel like the character portrayal and relationship building in this manga are really well done, so I’ll try to summarize my thoughts on that.

(Unrelated, but "Don't"(from P3R) is really good; give it a listen!)

The lyrics of this song subtly resemble "Fatal" in tone. I've been listening to the instrumentals for it as I've been typing this out.

After reading Chapter 158, what surprised me is that despite the rushed and somewhat sparse development, I have a positive reaction to it. It’s not bad, and I’m being serious.

Though this is supposed to be the final arc, rather than tying up loose ends, each chapter still throws something new at us, and nothing has been resolved yet. Ruby tries to say something, but it immediately cuts away, and then Nino suddenly appears...

The real question is how they’re going to wrap this all up, and we can’t judge it just yet.

I didn’t predict the exact timing of the characters’ actions, but when I thought it over calmly, I realized I was pretty accurate in sense in guessing what the characters would do.

I predicted that Kamiki would turn himself in (lol), that Nino would attack Ruby, that Kamiki would see the video Ai left and change his mind at the last minute, leading to Nino’s confusion, and that Ryosuke and Nino would have some sort of relationship (it really seems like Ryosuke was acting under Nino’s orders). I really got all of that right!!

I also predicted that Ruby would surpass Ai. (There was foreshadowing, and unlike Ai, who started as an idol as a means to give love rather than as her life’s purpose, Ruby’s goal is to become an outstanding idol. Since Ruby is also Amaterasu, one of the most powerful deities in Japanese mythology, it makes sense that Ruby would surpass Ai. Ai might be related to Ame-no-Uzume or Benzaiten—Benzaiten is a goddess of the arts but also has a connection to love. These goddesses are of a lower rank compared to Amaterasu. Ame-no-Uzume’s role of bringing out a shining deity from a cave parallels Ai and Ruby’s relationship. Ruby wanted to become an idol after seeing Ai, who in this manga is concluded to be akin to a god (star).)

I’m bringing up part of my previous analysis of Ai: Ai’s efforts were partly for herself, but she also worked hard because she’s rather down-to-earth, and her motivation seemed to be making those around her happy. For instance, her reaction towards about having the dome concert was, “Is the dome that great? If it's everyone's dream, I guess it’s good,” and she tried to smile along. What’s important to this character is satisfying her curiosity about her inner void, while her achievements as an idol seemed secondary. That’s why the line about wanting to raise her children with Kamiki really hit me, because Ai’s idol work seemed to function more as a means rather than an end goal like it is for Ruby. But that doesn’t mean Ai didn’t work hard; she had a strong sense of responsibility and tried her best in everything she was given.

And seeing the mention of stars from Ruby... Yes! Stars are really important in this story, aren’t they? I've been stressing about it a whole lot lately, and I believe this is the right time to address that.

Upon close examination, the characters’ actions in this development largely align with their personalities and established traits. The confusing part is that so much hasn’t been revealed yet. What are the other characters doing? What exactly happened between these events?

It’s hard to grasp the characters' intentions because the story is progressing with so many things left hidden, creating confusion. But I think they’ll unravel these things later, so it might be best to wait.

I can’t imagine Aqua and Ruby didn’t prepare for this situation at all; if it turns out that they were caught off guard, it would be a really stupid development. However, doesn’t the last page seem oddly blurry? Why is the saturation so low on just that page? It might not be something that actually happened, just a “what if” scenario.

And even if Ruby being stabbed and in a life-threatening situation is real, there are still some possibilities for how the story could unfold (I wrote about this in this post), I don't think the chances of it happening are so high, though (but god..I want Kamiki to do something for once)

LOL, this author has a knack for condensing developments and aligning them with previous content in a way that seems chaotic to the reader... but there’s a bigger picture here. This manga is something you need to binge-read as a whole.

Looking at it from the perspective of character traits and what these characters would do, the consistency has been solid throughout. The characters’ actions make sense. If there’s something odd in this development, it’s the omitted characters. What did Aqua and Akane do? But since they haven’t appeared, there’s no way to judge.

As for Kamiki... I’ve been analyzing this character a lot lately. There isn’t much to piece together with Nino, so I had to predict with minimal information (and the actions she took were within that scope), but Kamiki... there hasn’t been much shown about what he’s been up to either (though I have a hunch... I think his songs indirectly reveal what he’s been doing all this time. So I dove in when I finally started to get it).

There’s consistency in how this character interacts with others and the actions he takes. He has a weak heart. And that perfectly aligns with why Ai was so worried and cared so much about him. It all fits. I was so anxious while analyzing him,...I can't stand the idea that Ai would see this guy, who sent another man to attack his ex-girlfriend who was raising his kids just because he was sad, in a sympathetic light. I felt that wouldn't be it from the way he spoke about her and that's why I could be very passionate about the ship (And is would that really a good story if it is?? That Ai genuinely loved such a man?;; Itd mean she chose the wrong person to love.) So, I was worried while analyzing, but no. This character is not that kind of person, and I’m about 90% sure of that after this chapter’s development. He’s just someone with terrible luck. He’s been cursed or something. This is the third time something like this has happened, for crying out loud!! I bet he was heartbroken and couldn’t attend the dome concert himself, so, he probably trusted Ryosuke who was said to be aquainted with Nino(since Ai seemed to want to be friends with Nino again, Kamiki probably knew this and trusted Nino, and him who she knows) to send a bouquet, and then disaster struck, and he fell into despair.

Now, I’ll start talking about the character design because the character portrayal in this manga is just amazing.

Kamiki... in terms of his motives for his actions, he’s a lot like Aqua. (They look similar, too, but the more I think about it, I feel like Kamiki’s natural personality and appearance are more like Ruby’s, the other twin. Their facial expressions and impressions are similar... Ruby may look just like Ai, but her physique, is similar to her father’s. She’s taller and has a broader figure than her mother. You could say the son takes after the father, and the daughter takes after the mother at first glance, but the more I see, the more it feels like Aqua takes after his mother and Ruby takes after her father.)

The twins really seem like they inherited traits from both parents. The more I see, the more fascinating it becomes... It’s like, if you were to create children for your characters, this is exactly how it should be done. They’ve done a great job designing them, and since I want to create my own story, if there’s anything I want to learn from this manga, it’s definitely this. It’s really impressive in that regard.

Back to motivation:

Kamiki (as I currently speculate) ended up taking extreme and desperate actions completely contrary to his nature after losing the person he loved (Ai) due to something he didn’t intend or wasn’t significantly responsible for (I really believe this character just tried to send flowers and it all went wrong, I'm convinced after reading Chapter 158;;).

This perfectly overlaps with Aqua’s motivation and the way he operates in the story. After losing Ai before his eyes, Aqua’s personality darkened, and he began doing things he wouldn’t normally do (using others, becoming colder, and having a twisted personality) to pursue “revenge for Ai.”

Their emotions are also similar. Aqua is severely self-critical, very depressed, and after losing Ai, he even considered just ending his life. But then he found a reason to live (revenge) and clung to it, thinking, “I can’t die yet.”

Aqua doesn’t self-deprecate in every line, but Kamiki does it once or twice every time he appears. I think his mental state is even worse than Aqua’s, and that’s because Ai was the only person in the world he could love... I’ve analyzed this before, right? For Kamiki, Ai was a combination of the positive influences that Akane and Kana had on Aqua, and moreover, Ai was his lover and the mother of his children, making her an extraordinarily special person to him. If he lost her in such a meaningless way (he probably didn’t expect Ai to die at all), given his inherently delicate nature and overwhelming guilt, he would be mentally shattered. For this reason, if this character acted after Ai’s death, it is highly likely that he would have acted even more extremely than Aqua.

The problem is, this character’s fundamental nature is much softer compared to Aqua and Ai. Aqua, despite suffering greatly while pursuing a revenge that didn’t align with his nature, was at least driven by a sense of duty and resolve. Kamiki’s situation is an escalation of this intensity, yet he cannot stop. There is no one currently to worry about him (like Akane did) or to bring him back to his original self (like Kana would). Such a person is dead and he wanted to see them again! He thinks it’s his fault they died!

Even though Aqua blames himself for it, Assuming Ai died because of Aqua is absurd; Aqua is in no way responsible for Ai’s death. However, it must be true that Kamiki provided the address (although, based on my reading up to Chapter 158, I’m convinced he only intended to send flowers). Therefore, Kamiki believes Ai died because of him. The level of guilt is different. He must have thought that something must be done to reverse this situation. He really wouldn't mind throwing himself away for his purpose.

Kamiki’s guilt is more profound, he was deeply influenced by Ai in his life, and his nature is inherently gentle and timid. And he's probably gone through actions that were twisted even more severely than Aqua’s. He's a genius actor. He acts well, but he's endured immense suffering. If you look closely at his smiling face, it’s almost as if his soul is dying. He smiles, but it’s similar to how Aqua might laugh maniacally after having decided to use Kana. Kamiki’s basic nature is softer, so instead of laughing maniacally, his smile is more subdued. It seems that he did contribute to the death of Yura. In the latest episode, there’s talk of being able to take a life for love. To revive Ai, there might be a cost to pay. Songs suggest that something like this might be the case. He might need to gather light and, feeling self-reproach, says in Mephisto’s final lyrics to his children, “Come and kill me.”

Observing Kamiki’s reactions and actions, he shows no particular signs of aggression in normal situations. If a person with this kind of nature had been involved in killing others or committing severe twisted acts, it would be actions completely against their inherent character. It would be extremely painful and unbearable. I’ve analyzed Aqua’s personality before: here's what I wrote there: noting that someone who inherently dislikes revenge and has a decent core personality would struggle with revenge (this connects to Aqua’s inherent tendency to help others, as he believes that fulfilling revenge for Ai is the same as doing something for Ai). This is why Aqua is constantly conflicted and, despite appearing rational, is hesitant and twisted. This also results in causing pain to those around him, leading to self-reproach and self-loathing, and he feels he shouldn’t be happy. Kamiki is likely experiencing this same feelings right now.

And it was Ai who brought about change in Kamiki’s heart. The only person capable of having such an impact on him was Ai, and she managed to achieve it even after death..

I have analyzed the relationship between Aqua and Kana and Akane, and compared it to the mutual relationship Kamiki had with Ai.

It's the same post I linked above, but let me do it again:

Here's how I analyzed there:

If Akane was the supportive one, then Kana was more about pulling Aqua towards her side. Drawing him towards the light, I think this aligns with Kana’s role in the story. When Aqua meets Kana, he gets revitalized (just this alone makes me think that Aqua must be truly happy with Kana).

I believe that what Ai wanted to give Hikaru ultimately was this: to support him, to share the burden with him, and then to live the future together. She wanted to share her future with him.

(...)

Both Aqua and Kana/Ai-Kamiki clearly had a similar heart- fluttering type of love for each other.

And the emotional thread between Aqua and Kana is definitely moving in a brighter direction together.

Ai wanted to give Hikaru that: to lead him from the dark place he was wandering in to the brighter side she was in.

Ai truly accomplished this. Even though she died a long time ago, she could achieve this with just a few words when it's came to him...

Kamiki probably intended to continue his path to find a way to either revive Ai or meet her in some way, and then he planned to die. Just like Aqua sometimes ominously says he has given up on becoming happy and that Ruby should be able to live even without him, it’s likely that if he continued on the path of the Black Star, he would've died.

Kana, who saw through Aqua’s feelings and told him not to even think about dying, was the one who prevented Aqua from choosing death. (Chapter 146). Kana, unknowingly, keeps pulling Aqua out of the darkness. It seems she really saved Aqua at that time. Along with Ruby’s forgiveness, Kana’s words might have been the catalyst for Aqua to correct his path of revenge, and hearing those words revitalized him.

I also think that at the very last moment, Ai managed to prevent the person she loved from dying because of her. It’s quite remarkable. Kana and Ai each turned Aqua and Kamiki away from their extreme paths to more moderate ones.

This episode revealed that a bit.

If Kamiki just turns himself in and does nothing more, I’d find it unsatisfactory, but, this parallel is what I found really clever.

Kana’s power over Aqua is surprisingly significant. Even small actions from her greatly affect Aqua. This aspect is very similar to the influence Ai had over Kamiki.

In every narrative aspect, Kamiki is a character who amplifies the emotions and motivations Aqua has. And Kamiki probably has a more delicate personality but has committed even more extreme actions. Kamiki represents the first "stage"(remember how Mephisto talks about "stages"? I think their stories could be a part of a big story, a "stage".), and Aqua represents the second stage. The second stage should use the first stage as a lesson to achieve better results.

Ruby and Ai are also the first and second stages. After reading Chapter 158, I felt it… Ah, it’s the reincarnation of Ai’s nightmare.

But is Ruby really going to be stabbed and die? Absolutely not. In fact, the way this situation suddenly emerged actually shows that such an outcome is definitely not going to happen.

Ruby will rise to a higher place than Ai. Ruby has set the goal of becoming a more brilliant idol than Ai, whereas Ai became an idol because she wanted to give love… In reality, Ai could have achieved that through her work with the children or Kamiki, and it was possible without necessarily being an idol, but Ruby’s story focuses on her career as an idol. The character’s motivation places a larger emphasis on the identity of being an "idol." Although Ai’s image as the "invincible idol" makes it hard to believe that Ruby can surpass her, (it would have been much more convincing if there had been more episodes showing Ruby’s growth in relation to this), there were indeed some foreshadowing and hints. Through the movie, Ruby came to understand Ai and thought, "I won’t end up like Mom," and that will really be the case. She won’t end up with the same fate as her mother.

Nino came dressed very similarly to Ryosuke and acted in a similar way, which means that the feelings these two characters have towards Ai are quite similar. When Nino appeared in the middle, her actions felt so, so it wasn’t surprising, and I had anticipated that this character would attack Ruby. For Nino, approaching an attacking Ruby when she's alone is more realistic and has a higher chance of success than disrupting a performance, so the occurrence of such an event with Nino appearing at this point seems to make sense. It was bound to happen at once point.

The problem with her attack actually succeeding would be that it'd make Kamiki and Aqua’s both appear extremely unaware and naïve (if Aqua can’t prevent this, it’s too sloppy considering he should have already identified Nino’s suspicious behavior, and well, Kamiki seems to be too innocent. I actually don't think it'd be out of character for HIM to be this way lol. This character truly… truly seems incapable of doubting others. He doesn’t understand human malice!!! He probably didn’t suspect Nino, Ryosuke at all. and there was no way he could know Uehara would go berserk, either. This became so apparent while reading this chapter that I couldn’t help but laugh. He’s over thirty. If Ruby is actually stabbed, Kamiki would freak out. How has he been living in the world until now with this, pure mindset? He seems so unchanged from how he was when he was young?). The page itself looks oddly blurred, making it seem like it might not actually have happened. The scene where "Nino tries to stab Ruby" is plausible. Anyhow, Given the direction in which this character has been shown, it’s a scene that could reasonably occur. The important thing is how it'd be handled and resolved later, but I believe the writers have a plan, they just drew things like this for shock value and to parallel what's happened in the earlier chapters.

And Kamiki has had at least three instances where things went bizarrely wrong, leading to people being on the verge of death or actually dying. Including Yura, that makes four times. What is this character? At this point in the story where nothing has been revealed, the characters who seem to hold the most surreal powers seem to be this character and Ruby, who seemed to be "receiving divine help" and thriving at one point. But since Kamiki’s situation appears to be completely uncontrollable, it seems like the god of absurdity and irrationality mentioned in Chapter 144 is targeting and tormenting him. It seems as though this entity is deliberately trying to drive him to despair and corruption. It’s unlikely that Kamiki himself is this god… the aftermath of these events has caused him so much suffering. At this point, he seems like a victim of a divine curse.

Examining the name of this character, it seems like his true identity might be Sarutahiko Okami, the god of light and the husband of the goddess Ame-no-Uzume. They are often depicted as a couple in subcultures, and in the Shin Megami Tensei series, they appear as summonable deities with a description of them being married. I drew a comic about this idea previously, you know? It's this comic right here:

Worried about his wife/lover hopping over to the human world, wanting to be human because she loved humans, Kamiki must have followed her, and they both lost their memories and are now wandering. Kamiki, when falling into a bad situation (which is why he had often been raising the black star since middle school), was brought happiness by Ai, who spent enjoyable times with him and led him to a better state. When he was just about to become truly happy, Ai made the decision to part ways for his sake, and Kamiki fell back into despair. It's truly unfair and absurd how his life keeps getting falling into this tormented state. I say this a lot, but he has a MISERABLE life, and I don't think that's just from pure luck. Something is cursing him from getting happy. Every time it seemed like he might finally be happy, something would erupt and prevent it from happening. I looked up at Sarutahiko, and he's a major deity and also a guardian of the land. He's related to purification rites, called "Misogi".

There was a description of the Sarutahiko Shrine, I found from a travel guide, it says, "Sarutahiko Okami is known to have appeared at the very beginning of all things to guide everything in the most benevolent direction." Kamiki has a hard time blaming others and is inherently kind. He still addresses the person who continuously tormented him, Airi, with honorifics, and even refers to Ryosuke as "Ryosuke-kun." He’s totally a pushover!!! People exploit him, and he thinks it’s all good as long as they are happy.. This psychology is quite plausible, and I pity him because of it, but It doesn’t seem to have changed much until now. His way of speaking and demeanor are still very gentle… When he appears in front of his children, his tone is very soft. By nature, he is extremely kind.

Is there a deity trying to corrupt him to increase their influence over the land?

However, it seems that Ai was able to protect him from crossing the final line.

I’ve written several things related to this, I'll just bring one example of what I've written once:

What kind of deity is the god of entertainment? If it’s the god of entertainment, it must be Ame-no-Uzume, right? It seems that the wishes made at the shrine have been fulfilled, albeit in some strange directions. Could this be Ai? Because in "Fatal", there's a lyric that goes: "selfish giant star ruined lives"… it seems to be connected with Ai, who is the incarnation of the brightest star. Her husband is a god of light, and the name connection with Hikaru is significant.

It also seems like Ai has become a guiding star, watching over everyone. In Chapter 118, the god girl spoke just as she described. That character was simply stating the truth.

Yeah. Something's been trying to corrupt Kamiki for so long now. I feel that is so... but he hasn't.. gone all the way after everything he's been through huh? In that case, maybe he also is strong in his own way.

At the end of this episode, when they talked about stars shining at night, I had this thought. Could it be that Ai, who has now become a star, is protecting her husband and children?

In the added scene from episode 1 of the anime, there’s a moment where Ai is shown smiling while pointing at the stars with her babies (during a flashback she has after having being stabbed).

Tsukuyomi’s statements are all pretty important. This character talks about "love" this time, right? If Ai is indeed a deity associated with love, it makes sense that there should be foreshadowing related to this.

Tsukuyomi, who is a friend of the other gods, might be pondering Ai’s experiences and those who loved Ai. It seems like Tsukuyomi is trying to understand what Ai’s concept of love is (Tsukuyomi was the one explaining Ai’s current state of having returned to the stars and the sea as well- how could she be so sure of it? Well she does deals with souls but I think Tsukuyomi is an acquaintance of Ai). It’s like a divine curiosity—wondering why Ai went through so much suffering by coming down to the human world.

Regarding the emotions listed alongside the characters, let’s talk about Kamiki’s feelings: I mentioned this in another post but I just really like it.

Desire, disappointment, and despair.

I think there are two major emotions related to each aspect:

The desire to be with Ai / The desire to revive Ai.

Disappointment from parting with Ai (it’s disappointment, not resentment. His heart was shattered, but this didn’t lead to aggression) / Disappointment from not being able to meet Ai no matter what.

Despair from Ai’s unexpected death / Despair from the inability to revive Ai.

These seem to align perfectly with the psychology of this character as I see it.

Kamiki has been in constant despair. His black eyes are a characteristic that appears when he is in despair. This changes twice in the story—once when Ruby shows the possibility of surpassing Ai (and he genuinely seemed pleased, as if he was proud of his daughter, right?) and again when he was shocked by what Ai said in the video. After that, his eyes are not shown, so I think he might have regained his composure. He probably returned as a white star.

This post got long and I'm worn out from writing everything here in one go: but I'd like to bring up that the main characters seem to inherit traits from their parents in a balanced way. Ruby also has aspects similar to Kamiki, and Aqua, in terms of motives and behavior, is a complete reflection of Kamiki, but his personality resembles Ai’s a lot. I also think Aqua’s eyes are similar to Ai’s, not Kamiki’s. If you look closely, Kamiki’s face is more slim, so Ruby looks more like him. The comment about Kaburagi finding Aqua’s face beautiful because it resembles Ai’s is accurate. Aqua resembles his mother more than expected. The face shows a blend of features, not just one side. It’s fascinating, and I think the character design is well done.

I’d also like to analyze how splitting Ai’s traits into two could lead to Kana and Akane.

So!! The relationship between Kamiki and Ai and the relationship between Aqua, Akane, and Kana are interlinked. Since I’m too tired to write it all out in one go, and I’ve written something similar before, I’ll skip that part.

The work is incredibly well-constructed. I think this work has a thoughtful design.

The protagonists experience situations very similar to those their parents went through, but they might achieve better outcomes. For instance, the B-Komachi group is much healthier than it was in Ai’s time, right? Things are already better than they were in the past,

Kamiki-Ai ended in tragedy (I hope they will still be happy though)

but Aqua won't end up like his dad.

Ruby won't end up like her mother either.

They're cleverly constructed to parallel each other, but are different, just as what Ruby claims. I actually have high hopes that this series would get a good closure after having seen how they are designed!

So yes, thanks for reading if you did!!/// It's going to be okay! If there's one thing I really admire about this manga, it's the way these characters are coined together and their psychology and relationships. That's the author's strength.. so no matter how this manga ends, I feel like it wouldn't stray too off from what the characters are essentially!

[thotpuppy]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

tagged by the love @dear-massacre uwu

Words and Fics

According to AO3: 295,177 words posted, however, I did a lot of art for events this year, so this number isn't wholly accurate.

I actually wrote and posted 122,354 which is actually WAY more than I thought I did?

1 fandom represented: Teen Wolf (but I'm a multi-shipper, so many ships hehe)

Most Recent Drop: TECHNICALLY mu submissions to @sterekreversechallenges's past participant server event, 1000 Cakes, but the work featured is still anonymous, so I can't count it here.

Most Recent Drop (readable): 'My Whole Life is a Reference to the 1995 Hit Movie Clueless and I Still Don't Know the Plot' by Fall Out Boy (Stackson, T, 2k)

Longest Fic according to my stats page: Yoda Said It Best by @okdeannawrites (Sterek, E, 99k+) (I did the illustrations)

Longest Fic I actually wrote: Under My Skin (Stackson, E, 59k+)

Top Fics by Kudos (I'm including 6 because 1 of my top 5 isn't mine lol)

Grandma, What a Big Dick You Have! (the better to fuck you with my dear) (Sterek, E, 5k+)

Yoda Said It Best (Not my fic) (Sterek, E, 99k+)

Higher Education (you can confess when you're stone-cold sober) (Sciles, E, 6k+)

Under My Skin (Stackson, E, 59k+)

Daisies and Daffodils (You Make Me Smile) (Sterek, T, 3k+)

Thirsty (Stiles/Scott/Derek, M, <2k)

My fandom fic events in 2023

I THRIVE on events. They've been absolutely integral to my ability to write fic this year, and I'm really proud of what I've done. That said - I absolutely participated in WAY too many. There are a number of fics that I was involved with that don't show up in my ao3 stats and that's okay! I'ma just... list them out akdjhgk

7 fics (or 13,394 words) this year were posted for the Stiles Shipping Server's monthly ficlet exchange.

2 fics and 4ish art pieces were done for the @stacksonreversebang

1 fic was written for the Sterek VDay Exchange, but my participation was revoked.

1 art was posted for @stetervalentines2023

3 arts and 1 podfic were posted for the @steter-bang

1 fic was posted for the @teenwolfminibang

1 art was posted for the @teenwolfminibang

1 item was posted for the @sterekreversechallenges 1000 cakes event

2 Major arts and uh at least 4 minors arts were posted for the @wipbigbang

1 fic (and my longest solo fic ever) was written for the @wipbigbang

1 art which is not currently posted but will be revealed by the end of the year is for the @stereksecretsanta

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

The first thing that's going to be 'posted' is the Sterek Reverse Challenges 1000 Cakes anonymous work, which will be revealed Jan 6th.

Events:

Stiles Shipping Server monthly ficlet exchange - many more months will be participated in again

@sterekposevents - probably gonna write smth for this next year (stares forlornly at my unfinished summer wip)

If the Stackson Reverse Bang runs again, I will absolutely participate in that, but i will definitely not commit to 4 projects!!!!

Absolutely the next go around for Sterek Reverse Challenges!!! I love reverse bangs (and bang in general)

If I do the Steter bang again I will not sign up for as many projects because I did too much all at once and it was stressful.

I will likely participate in at least 1 vday event and at least 1 santa event. (:

There is one event I will definitely be participating in but the event itself has not been announced yet so I won't talk about it... publicly. If you're into Sterek and Events you can DM me for Spoilers though~ ;*

Projects:

Addabge Dmaddiage - Sterek MedFantasy Omegaverse Arranged Married Dark-ish fic. Currently Writing

Higher Education 2: Electric Boogaloo - I already have over 2k written, I just need to finish it.

Vampire!Stiles Sterek fic, which I will hopefully be doing for one of the events

Stackson MedFantasy Bastard Prince x Freedom Fighter AU

New! Sex for Work - Sterek office sex AU: Next chapter and/or Rewrite and/or Finish (low priority)

Sciles in Ancient Greece - this is possibly more of a long form poem than fic? We'll see how it goes ? low priority

Rules, Tags & Rambling below the cut!

I technically have a massive list of WIPs and Prompts I am constantly working from. I pick the ideas when they feel happy in my brain for "free time" writing - I actually meant to work on the office sex AU for the month of december but got whacked upside the head with Addabge Dmaddiage. UMS was my FIRST "long fic" ever so I am... feeling really, really invigorated.

in 2021 I climbed out of my writing hole where I hadn't written seriously in over a decade. That year, I wrote and shared 22,418 words by myself, and wrote half of a 69,599 (incomplete, part 1) role-play fic with a friend. At the start of 2022, I watched teen wolf for the first time because @sinnabon-cosplay is a menace and can't be stopped. It lit an absolute FIRE beneath me and I lost all control of my life. I started writing and drawing with a wholly renewed fury. I started doing way more events and wrote and posted 40,247 words. At the end of the year, I thought to myself - wow, wouldn't it be cool if i doubled my word count again? 80k? haha, that probably won't happen though. I'll be excited if I write and post 60k.

YALL. I wrote and posted 60k in ONE FIC. I wrote and posted over 120k?????? that's INSANE to me. I haven't had that much drive to create since I was in high school.

Teen Wolf is like... fixing my brain chemistry. I feel so invigorated.

Despite some setbacks with some REALLY unfortunate Sterek fans at the start of my experience here nearly tanking my creative drive, I've managed to stay on track without totally losing my love for the ship because of some rotten eggs. Shoutout to all my homies keeping the space worth hanging around in. I appreciate yall so much <3

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Tags: No pressure ANY time from me, i love you I appreciate you I like sharing with you. Don't wanna play, don't worry about it <3 @clotpolesonly @lucky-bishop @adrianfridge @sinnabon-cosplay @okdeannawrites @foofsterwolf (Sorry i panicked and couldn't remember if u posted FIC on ur main or just original so i tagged ur TW even tho this doesnt have to be TW related) @just-another-busy-fangirl-writes @lavender-lotion

[paula-in-dreamland]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @ladyaldhelm :)

1. how many works do you have on AO3? None - BUT, hope to have one on there in August or sooner :) I used to be on fanfiction.net - 9 stories still posted there.

2. what's your total AO3 word count? N/A - Although my longest story on FF is ~ 57.1k words. And I have a feeling I am going to surpass that with my current fic...

3. what fandoms do you write for? The Last Kingdom currently, may return to Twilight, previously Power Rangers, considered a few others

4. top five fics by kudos: N/A for A03, but Finding Love on FF has 147 favorites and 172 reviews.....

5. do you respond to comments? I likely will...On Fanfic, I tried to interact with people who PMed or Commented as much as possible!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't think I ever had something have an angsty ending? Just an angsty beginning/middle? Especially since I wrote my published fics at age 14/15? But I hardcore am into dragging my muses through the mud right now.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Finding Love lol. It's a very wholesome fic.

8. do you get hate on fics? I did on the first ever fic I published. The worst part was that it was on stuff that I thought you were supposed to do based on reading tons of other fics. It shook me to my core since I was FOURTEEN. Sad to say - the fic is now gone from fanfiction and my computer and it's my biggest regret :(

9. do you write smut? Yes - But I've actually never published it now that I think about it! And have not written as much as my brain is convinced?! Oh wait that was my rpg days thats why.

10. craziest crossover? No crossovers. Just really into AUs.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated? Either someone wanted to translate Finding Love or get it bound into real books...I cannot remember LOL.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Nah.

14. all time favorite ship? No pls don't make me choose :( I'm going to say Rosalie and Emmett from Twilight because they were the first ones to inspire me to write my own fic.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Honestly? I have SO many Stiorra and Sigtryggr fics that are 60% plotted, but I don't know if I'll ever get to writing all of them? Unless I keep my fixation for the next 10+ years, especially with wanting to write my own stuff. Plus, maybe Finding Love the Sequel...I made a lot of sad people when I did not finish it.

16. what are your writing strengths? Dialogue. And maybe action?

17. what are your writing weaknesses? Show don't tell and being ~poetic~ and introspection? I struggle with 3rd person.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? I love it! And I want to incorporate it into a few of my fic ideas. However, I am not sure HOW I want to do it yet - i.e. Google translate OR just "They spoke in xyz language". When done well, it can be a great plot device!

19. first fandom you wrote in? Twilight!

20. favorite fic you've written? Currently the one I am writing.

No pressure tags: @azriona and anyone else on here that's a writer!

[musicboxmemories]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @viola-ophelia <3 Thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 58 on my primary page, 38 on my trash page, and 5 on my catch-all.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? LOL if you think I'm going to add up the word count of 101 total fics, you're crazy! So instead, I'll just say my longest fic on my primary page is 96,771, my trash page is 34,787, and my catch-all is 11,722, for a total of 143,280. So with that being for just three fics, I shudder to think what my actual word count is for 101 fics lol.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Lately, TURN: Washington's Spies, though past fandoms have been H.annibal, E.mma 2020, and The M.agicians, to name a few.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I'm just going to stick to my main page for this:

Wake-up Call (From D.usk till D.awn: the Series) (438)

Changing Winds (S.tranger T.hings) (384)

Lost in the Dark (S.tranger Things) (284)

Anyone But You (That 70s Show) (265)

To Thaw and Burst into Bloom (S.tranger Things) (235)

^^The funny thing is, none of these were fandoms I was overly into/participated in much, but they're way more popular than my favored fandoms, which is why none of what I'm TRULY proud of is listed in my top kudos ranking. Ah well.

5. Do you respond to comments? I do! In the past, I've always made friends through reviews/reviewing, so I always respond to comments and leave comments on works I've enjoyed. :) I really wish engagement/fic friendships were more encouraged these days.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uhh, probably Folie a Deux (H.annibal) or To K.iss, to Consume (Turn). OH, and Let the Weary Rest (Turn), where I killed off Ben lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? After 2020, pretty much all of my fics had happy endings. The World is Made Wrong made me happiest though, I'd say.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I'd rather not jinx myself, but I haven't since I was a kiddo! And that hate was deserved tbh, cuz they were just telling me I wrote xyz wrong since I was a child/didn't bother to research.

9. Do you write s.mut? *gestures vaguely at my trash page* Uh. Yeah. lol I don't really have a specific type I write, beyond M/F, if that's what you're asking -- the specific scenarios are typically a case-by-case basis.

10. Do you write crossovers? I used to write quite a few! Nowadays, I save that more for things like RP and edits, though I do still enjoy them. Sometimes, crossovers work better than canon, I said what I said.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have! But I was like 13 at the time, and the person posted it in the same ship/fandom, so Idk what their plan was lol. Fortunately, they deleted it the day I reviewed.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! A few times, actually (all for the H.annibal fandom).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Sure have! They're all RP-turned-fics though, cuz I've never actually asked someone to write something who wasn't an RPer themselves.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Probably David/Maddie from Moonlighting. They're timeless! <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I suppose my time travel romcom. It's basically me rewriting a book I've already created, but altering it for the Turn universe. Even though it's fun, it's kind of boring repurposing my old work, and most especially when there's so little engagement. I flourish on comments, alas. Other than that, I mostly tend to finish my works!

16. What are your writing strengths? An editor once told me my strengths are my dialogue and humor. She equated the first 20 pages of my book (a recent work) to a Shakespearean comedy, which really tickled me, ngl.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? World-building! I've improved with this by a lot, but I genuinely do think fic writers are conditioned to stop describing settings/appearance thanks to our audiences already KNOWING, and thus, our OG works suffer for it. Mine certainly do!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I wouldn't do it personally, since I doubt it'd translate well, but I encourage others to do it! I'll still read!

19. First fandom you wrote for? C.owboy B.ebop.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Probably The World is Made Wrong, since I've since reworked it and I'm still very proud of how that second run-through turned out (not the one available on AO3 -- that version is in all its heinous first draft glory lol).

Tagging: @retrograderesemblance @pagetreader @ms-march @culper-spymaster and whoever else wants to!

[imreallyloveleee]

2023 fic review

thank you for tagging me @onlyalittlebookworm! <3 <3 <3

What is your ao3 account?

loveleee

2. How many words did you write total in 2023?

32,717

3. How many fics did you publish in 2023? How many multichapters vs. oneshots?

3 oneshots, 1 new WIP, and updated 1 WIP. this was definitely one of my least "productive" years for fic-writing in quite a while (although i don't think i published much in 2022 either, looking back). for obvious reasons: i was traveling for more than half the year; and also Riverdale canon was so fucking awful to our ship specifically that i think it just killed off everyone's desire to read and write about them. thanks RAS! <3

4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest fic?

longest: i feel like i win when i lose, my bughead four weddings & a funeral-inspired fic. 16,379 words (and i need to finish the last chapter ahhhhhhhhhhhhh)

shortest: honeymoon phase, my (very first!!) jimmy/kim fic. 1,927 words.

5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular?

even though it kind of feels like cheating, head underwater was most popular, because even though i started it years ago, i updated it in 2023!

for least popular, if we're going by kudos, it was three conversations about one thing, which was my desperate attempt to make some sense out of the penultimate episode of riverdale s7 lol

6. What fic didn't perform as well as you thought it would?

honestly, i try to keep my expectations low for everything i publish, to avoid disappointment. i guess the answer would be that last one, "three conversations." but like, the show's ending sucked? i'm not surprised people were not dying to run out and read fic about it 😂

7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?

i really did not know what to expect from posting a Better Call Saul fic. the show ended over a year ago, and i don't really have much of a sense of how big/active the fandom around it is, or was at its peak. that said, i was EXTREMELY happy to discover that there are way more fics for Jimmy/Kim than there were for the last "prestige"-y show ship i wrote for (Peggy/Stan on Mad Men).

so, all that to say, i was really pleasantly surprised to get as much engagement as i did with that little story! and i'm working on another one now and really enjoying writing it. :)

8. What was your favourite fic you wrote in 2023?

i feel like i win when i lose!!!!!!! the first four chapters of that story just FLOWED out of me like they already existed. it was so much fun to write and i think it's a super fun story in general. i reeeeeeally want to finish it.

9. What was your favourite fic someone else wrote in 2023?

Beautiful Broken Things by teaandpinkfrosting: a well-written, well-plotted, sweet, emotional, in-character season 1 Bughead fic in the year of our lord 2023? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?

Eighty-Six Years by jimmymcgools: a grounded, believable, heartwrenching, yet ultimately hopeful continuation of the most devastating finale i've ever watched in my life? again, WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS? [ETA to be extra clear that the finale i'm referencing here is bcs NOT rvd lol]

10. Tag your friends to do this year end fic review as well!

@absnow @burberrycanary @andsmile if you're into it! <3

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Well. That episode hurt me xD

Accidentally wrote scared instead of hurt because I was thinking about how they were one of the couples of my shows I was most scared about and here we are xD but scared is also accurate lol. Scared me for weeks and here I am now lol xd. All throughout as well xD. Anyway!

Time for the. . .

REVIEW

Not as official as my 911 or tgd ones but yk, just saying that format for fun and because it deserves it :))

I really enjoyed this episode!! It genuinely was a super good episode, even if it did cut me deep in a way that will never heal :). xD But seriously, there were a lot of funny moments, as well as genuine emotional ones, and I had a lot of fun watching it :').

Now, first of all, to get it out of the way (aka it's the longest section, and I still probably won't say everything I want to, but I also want it the freshest in my mind): Jacob and Zach breaking up. I think I've made my feelings in that pretty clear lol, but just in case you missed anything: I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it and how could they do this to me 😭. But genuinely, the reason wasn't awful (like nobody cheated or anything, thank goodness), we got to see Jacob's growth and non-growth through his being honest and his avoidance, and we got some super funny while also super heartfelt moments (mostly separate). I just really wish they didn't break up xd.

A big thing for me is that most of the time, especially if it's something that happens earlier in a show, and that show is still airing, I don't like not following canon. I like to think in ideas mostly canon compliant. But here's the thing: I probably won't really write anything with them broken up, at least right now I don't want to. But if there's ever something I want to write about in the future, I'll want to put them in there as together, and that changes things, and it's just a whole complex thing that I'd rather not deal with. It's a lot of emotional work for me for some reason and it's just annoying lol.

Because like, I have WIPs about them. I've written about them and just never finished or posted anything, and I want to continue writing about them. But it feels weird now, especially because of the anger in the breakup xd. Sometimes I process ways to make me feel better about decisions I don't like through fic, by writing how it works out in my head. I might do that for a getting back together fic, because I really think they deserve not to break up :((.

Anyway, about actual canon now: I am glad they can be happy on their own now. But I still really wish they were together xd. I also saw someone mention how the headcanon that Jacob's parents didn't like each other (which I agree with and have as a headcanon as well, maybe even because of that person lol) seems to fit his whole "honeymoon, hell, married and die" stages thing, and I think that if I do write a getting back together (cough cough coming to your senses-) fic that'll be a big part of the breakup reasoning. Anyway, right, canon xD.

I still really loved this episode, it just hurt me beyond compare lol. Sighh, I honestly don't know why, I just really loved them :'//. I'm honestly still in denial about them breaking up at all, it doesn't feel real and canonical yet xD. I really started to convince myself it would be okay, despite being scared :') xd. But, that's how it goes sometimes. I really do hope that some day they get back together, but I think the writers kind of burned that bridge (maybe purposefully - also, I say the writers because Jacob and Zach could become more amicable in the future lol).

Anyway, I'll probably have more feels later, but that breakup scene was raw man 😭. Honestly, I'm glad the jokes were there to lighten to the mood, but at the same time, I'm like "they deserve to have seriousness for their breakup". This was a four year relationship, man, you know? And they did get some genuine emotion, joke-free, which I appreciate <33. Speaking of, their ACTING was phenomenal!! They really gave us that :D. Their emotions were so real and accurate, it was just really good overall :). Also, if it must be his exit, that was on awesome exit for Zach/Larry xDD (as I saw someone say). Lol, I love these two idiots <33.

I do really hope one day they'll get back together, but like I said, I'm not holding my breath. I mean, I probably am anyway because I love them so much and I want them into be okay, but nonetheless lol. Especially with the anger in the breakup - it's hard to get past that narratively xd.

Anyway, long story short: I wish they didn't break up, but I'm glad they got the focus they deserved when they did. An episode titled for their storyline, an actual breakup scene and no cutaway, the entire conversation, and not even at the very of episode! Still, I already miss them so much <33. I love my boys 😭😭😭😭❤️💔💔💔❤️🥰🥰 <333.

Anyway!! Seeing Gregory be there for Jacob was really sweet :'DD. If we can't have Zach and Jacob, and least we have Jacob and Gregory's bestiesm :DD. They are so sweet and adorable y'all 😭😭😭❤️🥰. I love them going out together <33.

Janine and Melissa were great this episode xD Oh my gosh, I loved Janine this episode xDD. It was so good lol, so many funny moments. Also I loved the nonbinary sub 🥰🥰. Just that little bit of representation was so nice 🥰🥰 :'D.

Mr. Johnson being jealous and angry about Gregory and Jacob spending time together was great xD. Poor guy lol xd.

Ava helping Barbara out this episode SLAYYEDD :DD!! Also I'm so proud of Barbara for standing up for herself :').

The feeling of being ostracized a bit because of being too progressive is one I know and will probably know even more in the future xD. Also her saying a part of it is being friends with "some of the more colorful people" at Abbott 😭. I'm so not okay <33. She's talking about Ava, Jacob, Melissa, even Mr. Johnson, Gregory, and Janine to a point. I know that feeling as well and it is a scary and isolating one. I'm so proud of Barbara for standing up to them, and showing what she believes in, and I'm so happy for her :'D. Also she SLAYEDD that performance :D. And even though it sucks the shade the church ladies were throwing was good. But anyway, I loved the Ava and Barbara friendship :DD!! It was really great, and interesting angle to look at things from :). Also, Mr. Johnson being ex LDS is not what I was expecting on my bingo sheet for today lol /lh. Wild xD, but funny lol.

I am very tired lol, sorry if not all of this makes sense. Probably more later too, don't you worry :)

Overall, I really did enjoy this episode. It had some super great moments, and even though it broke me, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. Whether I'm happy with the decision they (characters and writers) made or not lol xD. Still, super amazing episode :)). I loved it :D.

So, yeah! I loved this episode. It hurt me, but I'm still so excited for the next one. This has been my review of. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 5: Breakup

It absolutely killed me - wiped me out. But I am interested to see what happens next time, and what stays relevant from this episode. I'll be back next week for my review of. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 6: Willard R. Abbott

See you then!!

[myheartalivewrites]

Fic Writing Review 2023

thanks for the tags @kiwiana-writes @stereopticons 💚

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Words and Fics

New fics on ao3: 12

Words published on ao3: 220,095

BONUS STAT 120,433 UNPUBLISHED words (holy fuck, I went to add this up because I was curious, but I was not prepared for this... No wonder I hate having all these WIPs hanging over my head right now. They are A LOT)

Fandoms: just RWRB

Most recent fic: "Please, I need you to." (also the shortest fic!)

Longest fic: Deep Blue, 76,031 words

Longest one shot: Love and War, 11,430

Top fics by kudos

(WELL, I wanted to do a mix of stats, but Deep Blue is my top fic in all the metrics--and we don't fuck with ratios in this house--so instead I'm doing by kudos)

Deep Blue (well, well, well. I love this baby so much)

Just Like That. (shocking outlier! It started as smutty crack in my mind!)

In His Wildest Dreams (love this with my whole entire heart)

Oxford Days (look here, kids! the things you can achieve with sleep deprivation and crazy hyperfocus!)

Tumbled Down and Tangled Up (with thanks to whoever it was who shared it on twitter that one time and led to me spending one very confused day--nine months after this fic was first published--watching all the ao3 emails coming in like, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING)

Every single number on this list blows my mind.

Fandom/Fic events

Doing events is a new thing for me this year! I've just finished my @rwrbnygiftexchange fic and am super excited to put it out there (Jan 1st feels so far away!)

And I did a quick thing for Smutsgiving 2023

Just for fun

Most amusing stat: the fact that THIS has more kudos than actual words in it. Love you all 😘

Highest proportion of private bookmarks: just edging this, it's Happy NY! I was sure it would be In His Wildest Dreams lol. It only just lost out by 0.3%

Leader by POV: Alex, with 6 fics to his name. Then it's 3 for Henry and 3 in split POV, though Henry would lead this if I was doing it by word count lol

Things that moved me beyond words: everything Deep Blue related, but especially the comments (and I'd never done this before, but last week I sorted all fics in the RWRB tag by comments and there it was... on the first page 😱 *Of course almost half of those comments are from me, replying to people. Timely reminder of how all these metrics are not necessarily a true reflection of a work or a writer’s value). Anyway, whether it's people relating to Alex's confusion when working out his sexuality (hi 🙋‍♀️), or people who see themselves in Henry and his paralysing fear of being hurt again (hi again 🙋‍♀️), and everyone who dropped into the comments to commiserate about wanting to quit their jobs and fuck off to the coast to write full time (🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️), they all mean so much.

New Year's resolutions:

to finish a bunch of WIPs

to work on fewer things at once and not stress myself out by having a bunch of unfinished things

to crack on with my original writing

This post ran a lot longer than I was expecting! I'm not tagging anyone because I don't want anyone to feel pressured to share numbers and compare themselves to others. The last four months have been CRAZY in the RWRB fandom, and to be honest looking at numbers and stats is a surefire way to feel small or slow or just plain not enough when you start comparing yourself to others.

But if you feel proud of something you've done (the first thing you've ever written! the first fic you've ever shared! some sort of stat breakthrough! your first ao3 subscribers!), whatever it is, please share. And tag me! Doing all of this online stuff can be fun, but it can sometimes feel lonely too. The best thing about it is talking to people, whether it be in discord or ao3 comments or on tumblr posts and messages or getting tagged on WIP posts just because people think I might like to see what they're writing, or because they want to see what I'm working on.

Anyway, my point is: don't be lonely. Bang on that tag. 😉❤️

Now, who's going to teach me how to use code and shit so I can have a nice spreadsheet with all these stats on? I did it all by hand and now I need a nap.

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Writer Interview

Tagged by @jrooc thank ya!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only three so far! Plus art postings and I'm planning to post more in the new year

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

138,169 words which feels like a lot

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I don't have 5 total fics yet lol but their rankings are

In Your Love

Lovers' Carvings

Psychopomp

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! (usually) I try to respond when people take the time to say something nice about what I've written, because they're encouraging me to write more and I think its good to encourage people to comment/interact more

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, no, I need a certain happy ending, at least in fanfiction. Yes my childhood was unstable, how did you know?

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They all have sickly sweet happy endings, refer to answer #6

7. Do you write crossovers?

No, I don't really see the appeal personally.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not hate per say, but just some bitching from people who can understand nuance or disagreed with my take on the relationship

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, so far I have only written it in longer form fics with context, all pretty vanilla. I've wondered for a long time why smut is such a staple of fanfiction and I think that people are frustrated with writers and directors casting aside sex as an (often) valuable part of romantic love and attraction. Like, why are you giving light to affection and communication and support but dismissing the sexual component of love with a closed door, winking and nudging the readers. Thats also a part of why RWRB was such a great movie in my opinion, it treated sex as a normal and healthy and loving part of a couples story, and fanfiction does the same thing. It all ties back into sex being viewed only through the male gaze bc bodice rippers have been doing that for years, but I digress

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! But I use a lot of really common themes and tropes so theres other fics like mine out there

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, that would be interesting.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I would love collaborating with other writers or creators here! Either writing together, making art to accopnay of fic or beta reading one another, my only real worry about getting involved is not making deadlines, my life is busy and I like to know i can work at my own pace and publish once completed so I don't leave anyone hanging

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, Gallavich. But longest running? Zutara, I'm hoping to see a renaissance there with the new series

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I think I'll be able to get everything done, sooner or later

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at coming up with cohesive and interesting plots, and I think i'm slowly becoming pretty good at getting into a characters head and writing dialouge for them

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Proofreading! Bro I will print something I've written out to review but still catch like 7 stupid mistakes when I scroll through quickly after posting that shit drives me crazy

I also want to get really really good at controlling the pace of a piece of writing, not that its a weakness per say im just not as good as I'd like to be yet

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Eh, its fine. A lot of the time I wonder who it's for though, like if you dont speak the language and just translate something through an inaccurate translator, it's not really for a fluent speaker and its not really for you

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Shameless

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I've toyed with writing a supernatural fic before. We'll see, I'm in no rush

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Psychopomp! No one else seemed to like it as much as I did but that's fine by me it was my weird little passion project :)

Share your throughs @sweetperversiongirl @stocious @mmmichyyy @vintagelacerosette

[aphel1on]

tag someone you want to get to know better

tagged by @woobifiedvillain a few days ago and finally remembered to do it!!

Favorite color: Yellow, but not an overwhelming yellow, like that soft warm yellow? I love it. People tend to not expect this answer, I think I give off more of a blue or grey vibe. Honestly a pretty grey/silver is probably my second favorite color, but a buttery yellow is just so good for the soul.

Last song: You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi. Danced to it in the kitchen, got consumed by the guitar riffs, nearly knocked a chair over. Before this morning it would've been the Genshin OST... I've been listening to it a lot while I write or do chores recently.

Last movie: An exceedingly mediocre romcom on Netflix that I watched with my sick mom to be nice. Genuinely couldn't tell you the title or more than like, two or three plot points. Last movie that I watched bc I wanted to was the Barbie movie, which was genuinely better than I expected. Enjoyable but would still give it, like, a mixed review. I'm not getting into two months' ago Barbie Movie Discourse on this post

Currently watching: I'M STILL TRYING TO FINISH THE UNTAMED!!!! woobifiedvillain i'm speaking directly to you and quoting you: i too am "chronically incapable of paying attention to visual media, even the good shit" and when i try to explain this to people irl they act like i am insane!!! I haven't watched Good Omens season 2 yet even tho I am reblogging posts about it rn. I think it's mostly adhd, or really just a part of the larger Neurodivergence Soup (tm) that makes it nearly impossible for me to learn something from a YouTube video. I mean, sometimes for a hands-on task a video is essential, but can't there be a written list of instructions to go with it too, bc that sticks in my mind way better sobs... ANYWAY i'm currently on episode 43 of The Untamed, so I should be able to finish it by, like. The end of the year at least lol?

Currently reading: I started reading SVSSS recently because, like. The mxtx mania is in full throttle. I just got here a little later than most people lmao. I'm also currently "reading" like seven different books that I bought or pirated this year and have on hold. One of my Unfortunate Skills is bingereading like 200 pages of something in 1-2 days and then not finishing the rest of it for 8 months.

Currently working on: Keep My Shadow Alive, my big xue yang-centric fix it fic!!! Well, more like a fix it, and then break it more, and then eventually actually fix it fic. Starting from the canon divergence of "Add Pre-Teen Xue Yang to the Burial Mounds Fam" and going from there. I read every fic like that that's on ao3 and was still being eaten alive by the brainworms so I started writing my own take on it and ~6 months later it's the longest fic I've ever written and only 25% of the way through its outline???? So. Who knows if it will get finished (my track record is admittedly not great)- but I've had such a blast writing it so far. Xue Yang is just SO fun to write. Yes it has a plot and character arcs and I could even go full English Major* and start telling you about its Themes, but also it's just an excuse to write Xue Yang interacting with every member of the MDZS cast. Going to STOP talking now bc I fully am the type of writer who will get carried away talking about their wips.

*i am not an english major, but spiritually i am an english major.

Current obsession: Yeah uh, MDZS. My friend convinced me to finally read it in January of this year, and the hyperfixation train has simply not stopped since then. Genshin Impact also dragged me back in with the Fontaine update and I've been having a lot of fun playing it. But MDZS is still mostly the thing that's eating up my RAM. Particularly the Yi City crew, but 3zun is rotating in there too. Sometimes even The Man WWX Himself, i talk about him less but i do love him a lot also lol

Tagging: I'm honestly too shy to do this!!! But thank you for tagging me anyway<3

[astromechs]

2022 year in review

thank you for the tag @seek--rest

Number of stories posted to AO3:

22

2. Word count this year:

64,281 (this doesn't include things I didn't publish, and this doesn't include things I wrote in private rps with friends, so I have no idea what the actual word count is, that's just what AO3 told me from what I've posted lol, but I would imagine with all that put together it might be close to 100k)

3. Fandoms I wrote for:

taking the list from AO3 (in alphabetical order):

Captain America/Avengers (movies)

Daredevil (comics/TV)

Goncharov (1973)

Guardians of the Galaxy (comics/movies)

Jessica Jones (TV)

Moon Knight (TV)

Nova (comics)

Peacemaker (2022)

Scarlet Witch (comics)

She-Hulk (TV)

The Boys (TV/2019)

X-Men (comics)

4. Pairings:

ok so the list of all the pairings that got stuff posted to AO3:

Adrian Chase/Christopher Smith (Peacemaker)

Jean Grey/Wanda Maximoff (Marvel unless otherwise noted)

Gamora/Peter Quill

Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff

Gamora/Richard Rider

Matt Murdock/Marc Spector

Matt Murdock/Jennifer Walters

Matt Murdock/Peter Quill

Jessica Jones/Matt Murdock

Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios

Queen Maeve/Starlight (Annie January) (The Boys)

Matt Murdock/Foggy Nelson

Matt Murdock/Richard Rider

Katya/Sofia (Goncharov lol)

Wanda Maximoff/Matt Murdock/Richard Rider

5. Stories with the most:

Kudos: this might be all i ever wanted (all i ever wanted to happen to me) — got right in at the She-Hulk finale hype so I think that helped to boost it

Bookmarks: same as above; people were really loving that one at the time it dropped!

Comment threads: whatever happens (happens to the both of us) — my first Peacemaker fic, and I think the timing of this hit when a lot of people were finishing up the show, but I'm really flattered and honored!

Word count: ghost behind my eyes

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why): I'm going to cheat and pick a few:

ghost behind my eyes — at 10,143 words, it remains my longest self-contained one shot, and I'm really proud of the character work I did here. Christopher Smith and his character development are really important to me, and here's to hoping that will continue in Peacemaker season 2!

standing at a broken altar (asking if we feel relief) — represented a whole new creative venture for me, featuring characters I (at least at the time) had never written into fic before, and I'm someone who's... honestly pretty lapsed, religion-wise, and writing this made me think about faith, how it's questioned, tested, and found again, in a way I haven't in a while. That's a theme I'd like to explore more in future writing — and I'm planning to do more of this through Matt.

almost paradise — the story that's been a long time coming for me. Gamora is literally one of my favorite characters of all time, and to say I... did not handle Infinity War well is putting it very, very mildly; that movie came out not that extremely long after a big personal loss in my real life, so losing a character that dear to me at that time was something I took really hard. This is the first time I've actually acknowledged her death in a piece of writing, and I'm proud of myself that I did.

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why): none of them? I don't usually post something unless I feel pretty good about it.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

cannot express how much this comment made my year. yes, I do. when women.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Honestly, my biggest challenge surrounding writing is just... working around my own chronic illness (which involves episodic fatigue) and mental health struggles. For one of those reasons or both at the same time, there were periods of the year that made writing more difficult than others. I'm working on incorporating smaller, more manageable writing goals during those periods so that I can still keep working without exhausting myself.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wasn't expecting Matt Murdock Slut Era to extend for as long as it did, and yet here we are.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from almost paradise:

What he deserves, he thinks, is to be left here, alone with ghosts because that’s all he’s fit to provide company for — maybe until he becomes one himself. Because, yeah, if Ego had been telling the truth, for all his words had been worth, with the destruction of his planet, Peter can do that now. That might actually be better for everyone involved, because all he does, clearly, is pull people into a total shitstorm or get them killed. Sometimes both.

But people don’t ever really get what they deserve, do they? His mom, the kindest person the universe would probably ever know, hadn’t deserved to die from a tumor in her brain, put there by an evil man she’d chosen to give her huge heart to.

And he doesn’t deserve a hand reaching toward him, pulling him up from the floor.

12: How did you grow as a writer this year: My writing got a lot smuttier LMAO But it also just... reflected a "fuck it, we ball" type of attitude that I'd been slowly embracing. Inventing ships, writing whatever the fuck I want. I've grown a lot, and I feel really liberated.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I hope to continue just... following my bliss. I've come a really long way in not caring as much about an invisible audience and just writing whatever I want, and I aim to keep doing that. I aim to keep believing in myself in that way and going the distance with my screwball ideas.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Would like to thank the discographies of Massive Attack, CHVRCHES, and Taylor Swift for fueling my writing. Also anyone when I said "I'm gonna put these blorbos together" who said "do it".

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I mentioned it before, but almost paradise was written during a depressive episode and I've joked it was me flinging out all my unresolved grief issues onto the page instead of going to therapy in December (using, you know, one beloved character of mine grieving another beloved character's death as a proxy), so. yes.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Don't write to cater to an audience; write to cater to yourself. If you love what you do, readers can see that love, and they'll believe in it, too. Readers are really good at telling what is and isn't genuine, so the best thing to do is just... be yourself.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have an existing WIP to finish, and a few more ideas in the can! Featuring: more Vigilmaker, more self-indulgent blorbo ships I invented (featuring either Matt Murdock or Rich Rider or both likely), and GOTG Vol 3 about to wreck my life, so of course I would imagine a good bulk of my writing this year will be related to it. This is all I'll say.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

(no obligation!) @paperprinc3 @literatigeek @sgtjamesrogers @mari--lace @quillsmora

[thedarkestgreys]

✨year end fic review✨

tagged by @muserepeats and @luuver3 💕 thanks friends!

whats your ao3 account?

thedarkestgrey

how many words did you write in total in 2022?

the very stupid number of 252,903

how many fics did you publish in 2022? how many were multichapter vs one shots?

eleven all together. three completed multi-chapters, three wip/on-going multi-chapters and five one-shots.

what was your longest fic? your shortest?

longest : your violent overnight rush (141,867 WIP) shortest: 'till our wide eyes burn blind (938 on-going)

what was your most popular fic? what was your least popular fic?

lol by the numbers we can just repeat the above answer in the same order. YVOR is very, very close to not only being my most popular of 2022 but my most popular of all time by the numbers, in like a fraction of the time? it blows me away tbh. with TOWEBB, like, I didn't expect much from it really, it's less than 1k and it's just a little bit extra from an existing fic. it was still fun to write out a backstory idea from the hades/persephone verse i created though!

what fic didn't perform as well as you thought it would?

i only have one chapter of it posted, but don't you dream impossible things? has under performed from kinda what i was expecting i guess? idk its hard to say these days, a year post the season coming out while in a hiatus until who knows when means that it's really only the diehards still around for the time being, so i'm lowering my expectations here folks.

what fic performed way better than you expected it would?

all of you, all of me (intertwined) Desert!Fexi for sure. It was just a chance for me to write about T-Town and y'all ate that shit up. i think they will make a comeback sometime in 2023 when i'm not so busy with a billion WIPS like rn?

what was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

I think at this point we all know how I feel about YVOR. that fic is my child. BUT!!!! the stray lines that unwind you is probably what I go back and reread the most out of everything I've published in this last year. maybe ever actually? it was just a fun little slice of life to live in when i wrote it and has some of my favorite fexi interactions i've ever written.

what was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

oh so many. the talent in this fandom is beyond.

i will scream about And no drugs for Lexi Howard, bye. by @changeyourwholepitch to anyone who wants to listen to me. it's just perfectly smutty and delicious. i think about inspiration point by @actnatural-ly a fucking lot too. and Someone To Watch Over Me by @muserepeats never fails to fuck me up. i would be remiss to not point out that i love so many fics from @myztify. and also to remind @calculated2stagger that she makes me want to retire 😘 (yall its a joke okay?)

tag your friends to do this year end fic review as well!

@sarahcakes613 @takearisk-ao3 uhhhhhh idk who hasn't done this yet?

[taegularities]

Hello, lovely Rid 💕💕

I'm here to ramble to you about your ramble in response to my ramble lmao.

First of all, we really do think alike apparently, because I also checked the wordcount of my feedback before sending it and it's probably the longest one I've ever written and will ever write. Even without all of the quotes it's like over 2k words, I really don't know how to shut up 😭😭😭

Thank you so much for taking so much care to write such a thoughtful response, Rid 🥺🥺🥺 I always love reading your responses to feedback, and not only my own, because everyone points out different things and you give even more insight into the story and your writing process. I can just read about your stories forever, even when it comes to commentary about them.

I watched the mv for 'when you're gone' and I totally agree with you that that scene matches OC's mood in the beginning of the chapter very well 😔😔😔 It also matches the way I was reading the Valentine’s day drabble, smiling at how adorable they were when I knew how we left off in cmi6. I've said it before but I'll say it again, the thing that hurts the most is knowing how happy they're able to make each other and seeing how they're now hurting each other instead 😭😭😭

Also about the rambling to my sister lmao. Cmi is the first fic I've properly talked to her about (she reads fanfic too, just not bts ones) and I was fully ranting to her about how Jungkook was keeping everything in and trying to be strong until he couldn't anymore, and now he's ignoring OC, I don't think I've ever ranted so much even about a real life person lmao. I might have not painted him in the best light because of how mad I was though 😔😔😔 But I probably will just ramble about how cute he is to her later on when everything works out 😌😌😌

Also also everyone has been adding onto the sadness and angst here and I don't know how they do it, because every time I even think about OC with someone else or just them being even sadder I want to cry lmao. But I still love reading everybody adding to the chaos, I can't lie.

Last but definitely not least, I feel like I haven't properly checked in on you in a few days, so how are you doing, Rid? 🥺🥺🥺

I MISSED YOU (she says after just 2 days lol), honestly, i was gonna shoot you an ask today lmao but since you're here, i can just say it now: i hope you're doing well! how's school going? &lt;3

2k even without the quotes? i don't deserve you fr 😭 no but seriously, i copied it into a doc, and thought, kay, must be around 2k, like all of it (which is already a lot) BUT 5.7K.... and it was like 10 pages long !! i went "awwh" out loud 😭

and thank you 🥺 i was even thinking of making a smol commentary one day, when i've got the time, bc i could talk about them forever 😭 i really love reading everyone's reviews and theories, bc sometimes it makes me rethink things that i didn't consider even while writing.

ikr? i spent my teenage years crying to 'when you're gone', and i kinda remembered the song when you pointed out that 'he can be comfort even now' bit :( and you're actually so right. might argue that it hurts even more to relate it to the vday drabble.. especially, considering what's still to come.

hahaha i get it 😭 after that chapter, it was hard to hold a high opinion of him, bc he did kinda fuck up :// but yes, i promise you, there are gonna be scenes and chapters that are so fluffy, it'll be almost disgusting, really. it's so cute that you ranted about it to your sister hahaha i really love that you're so invested 🥺

I KNOW! it's amazing how everyone was ready to jail me for all the angst... yet, they keep coming up with scenarios and songs that break me for good 😂 i wasn't as much in pain when i posted the chapter as i am now hahahah

ahh i'm okay, ivi, thank you for asking! i think the biggest reason for my bleh mood was that i'm... very bored. i've been feeling pretty unproductive since i took this super long break after graduation and quit my last job. which is why i'm lowkey excited (but also very scared lol) to start my semester next week and my job in may! will join you in your academic misery hahah but yeah. i'll be busier, but i'm looking forward to it, bc i do like being busy! hope you're all good, too 🥺🤍

[atiny-piratequeen]

Since I see you are sad people dont ask about ATT i will. What was the first inspiring thing that sparked your imagination to write ATT? How has the plotline changed since you first began? Is there a chapter you’re not satisfied with and wish you could redo? What chapter feels like its the best one youve done thus far? Who is your favorite att character you may only pick 2? Have you ever gotten your own lore wrong and had to be corrected on it? Would you ever consider changing the characters names and making it into a book? How has your life biews shifted because of ATT? What self learning have you discovered on your way while writting it? Which character do you feel nost similarly represents yourself?

the first thing that inspired AtT was the off-handed one off thought I had while listening to Against the Tide by Celldweller. It was Hongjoong in the ocean reaching upwards towards the surface while sinking and my brain went 'brrrrrr' and then I listened to it on repeat and got the idea centered around that one thought.

The plotline has changed like crazy. I actually reworked hoe Priscilla was going to behave bc it felt a bit too yandere for me with the original idea and I don't really like yandere type things. Also the idea for The King came because of Answer and the teezers having that cb stage where they had the boys asking their other selves back and forth "are you evil? are you good?" and etc and I was like...oh wait a minute Priscilla isn't a spicy enough villain, lets one up it and have TWO big baddies. One who's clearly more intimidating than the other lol

I still kind of want to go back and redo Jongho's chapter. I'm very satisfied with most of it but I feel like it could of flowed better. I also wrote that while on my birthday vacation and forcing myself to stay awake for unhealthy amounts of time. Like it was really bad I think I wrote for two days straight with literally only like a collective 4 hours of sleep between it was HORRIBLE, all because I wanted it up by my birthday so I could have reviews as a bday gift and I was still a day late and I feel it could've been better. so probably that one. space the development out a bit more and then make the ending better. You can clearly tell I was running out of steam towards the end and I'm disappointed in myself.

best one so far? if we're talking about pirate era, probably chapter 8. that was the first chapter we got to see The King fully, the first chapter Hongjoong got to use enough of his power to reestablish to the reader why he is the captain and a force to be reckoned with even after parting from most of his power, and it sets up a lot. 9 is a close second for obvious reasons but I had so much fun writing the hyuna vs hongjoong scene, I have to go with ch 8. if we're talking modern day, its the last chapter because not only is that bitch the longest single thing I've ever written, its THE chapter where things start clicking into place. It's just as important to the narrative as chapter 8 in my opinion and there's a lot more to come.

Favorite two characters? Hongjoong and Whiro. Yall can tell how much I adore Whiro every time I write the mf lmao and ofc I adore Hongjoong. he's got so many layers to him especially things I haven't even touched on.

I wanna say yes. it doesnt happen often but when you write something this big for this long, things get mixed up and wires get twisted. I have def gone back and made edits bc of issues and I reread att so much to see if I over looked any plotholes.

I have thought about it, but I feel like it would lose a lot of the heart it has if I did. I have considered doing like a mini print series of the actual ATT and selling physical copies to a small batch of folks and I have looked into some printing sites but that idea is far in the future. But change the name and rewrite it with other people over it? nah

I wouldn't say any views of mine have changed bc of AtT. I have the same ones, I'm just sharing with everyone.

I mean I def have learned what some folks like when it comes to the pacing and timing of scenes and events. I probably will put a bit more pleasure with the pain bc folk's are out here struggling but I def have learned and perfected a lot of my writing style with AtT in the years I've been writing it

Probably Yeosang. Feeling like an outcast in your family, relying on a found family, including finding solace in the audience of your pet family. Eventually coming out of our shell and finding our voice slowly and getting a feeling for who we actually are

Thank you so much for the long and thoughtful ask. I really appreciate it sm and this was so fun to sit down and answer

[sunshinesteviee]

I posted 5,242 times in 2022

That's 4,014 more posts than 2021!

1,636 posts created (31%)

3,606 posts reblogged (69%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sunshinehollandd

@familyvideostevie

@userholland

@cutetomholland

I tagged 4,358 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#baby boy - 519 posts

#ill give queue the sun - 506 posts

#em answers - 383 posts

#boyfriend - 320 posts

#fic rec - 255 posts

#my love - 205 posts

#anon - 204 posts

#stranger things - 146 posts

#nwh - 146 posts

#writing - 128 posts

Longest Tag: 119 characters

#it’s fucking frustrating to put time and effort into reaching out to students just for them to ignore everything i send

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The smut prompts are so cute! How about, “don’t be nervous, i’ll guide you through it.” for Steve? The softness is getting to me for that one

809 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

#4

Sorry nope one more. Pregnant with baby two or three and letting the other babies paint on your belly bc you’re tired and need a way to entertain them. Dad walking in like this is new.

handprints

wc: 1.1k warnings: dad!steve, f!reader a/n: apparently i'm incapable of writing anything truly blurb length. so here, take another small fic! sorry this took so long, anon, i hope you like it!!!

Masterlist

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976 notes - Posted August 26, 2022

#3

to the moon and back - s.h.

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1,068 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

i've got you - s.h.

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1,915 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

call it what you want - s.h.

summary: you find yourself on the edge of friendship and something more with steve at a halloween party. for @sparklingsin's spookinktober writing challenge with the prompt "quick, switch costumes with me!" wc: 8.1k wtf warnings: friends to lovers. alcohol consumption. smut!!! 18+!!! f!reader. a/n: this is the longest thing i've ever written and it killed me lol i hope y'all like it. feedback is much appreciated! love u sm. also huge shoutout to @sparklingsin and @familyvideostevie for reading this and helping me out and listening to me complain about this gd fic for weeks i love u so much thanks for putting up w me

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3,021 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[hongcherry]

Hello! How are you? :D For the "fanfic end of the year asks", can you please answer numbers 1, 5, 6, 7, 14, 15, 24 and 25?

Hi Anon! 🥰 I've been good, thank you. Are you doing well?

Ah, so I realized while looking back that I didn't actually write as much as I did in 2021, so this will probably be very repetitive, and I'm so sorry for that! But I still wanted to answer as best as I could (: Thank you so much for your ask! *insert hugging gif* 😄

Questions/Answers:

1. favorite fic you wrote this year - My favorite fic would be By Your Side, my neighbor!San fic. It's my first ATEEZ story, and writing for a different group was a lot of fun. Plus, I was really soft writing it, so I'm glad it was received well 💖

5. most popular fic this year - My most popular fic was By Your Side with 815 notes c: Runner up was In Your Web (spiderman!Jungkook) with 767 notes! Thank you to everyone who supported me! 😁

6. least popular fic this year - My least popular "fic" was everywhere you go (spiderman!Jungkook). It's a social media au, so maybe it doesn't count as a fic but I'll bend the rules a little hehe. It has 73 notes and was my first sm au ever. Maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist, but it took me a while to edit it, so kudos to all my sm au writers out there 😅

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year - My longest fic would be In Your Web with 10k ^-^ woo! It has been a while since I hit double-digits in wc, so I was really trying hard to achieve that again. I'm very happy I did!

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write - Requests are always unexpected so Forever (dancer!Jimin; Drifting couple) and Your Light were not planned! However, an unexpected fic that was not requested was Torn (Mingi). Per my author's note, I was just in the mood to write more ATEEZ, and that's what came out of it.

15. something you learned this year - Kim Hongjoong is the loml Something that I learned is this:

This was extremely inspiring to read. It's especially motivating to learn that I've written one novel already! That was shocking to learn 😂 It wasn't published this year, but I'll still include it. It's my spiderman!Jungkook series called Warning Signs with 46.5k! Please give it some love if it's something you'd like to read <3

24. favorite fic you read this year - This question excites me greatly! This is actually probably my favorite fanfic ever, and I've been reading fanfic for years. It's called pirate king and is an ATEEZ fic written by @chaseatinydream. It's also on AO3, which is where I read it. This story will pop into my head at random times, and I've been tempted to reread it because it was so captivating. You can read my full review of it, but in short, it was incredible and I stayed up several nights binging it all 🤩

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read - Besides pirate king, I'll recommend three because I've already broken the rules in the previous questions lol, and I want to give a majority of my fandoms some love.

*Please check the fics for more details.

My first recommendation is The Boy by @milfgyuu! It's a The Boyz Sunwoo fic. Lana wrote Sunwoo so accurately and it drove me crazy (in a good way heh). After reading this, I can't drive past a car wash peacefully. I just keep thinking of Sunwoo. IT'S NOT HEALTHY, BUT ALSO THANK YOU? You can read my full review, but it does contain spoilers! I need more Sunwoo fics in my life guys. TRULY. I swear I'll write one eventually.

My second recommendation is push it down (sooner or later it all comes out) by @dontflailmenow. It's a camboy!(Seveteen) Seungcheol series. I'm so smitten with Seungcheol, so this series really has me by the throat I swearrrrr. A review for the first chapter can be read as well as the other parts on my fic rec blog. Again, it has spoilers so beware.

My third recommendation is crema (review link) by @inkedtae for all my army followers. It's a Jungkook fic and really... steamy 😆 The writing was great, and it was a lovely read.

Please give all the authors some love (through reblogs as it's the best way to support them) if you read their works! 💕

Thank you again, anon! 😍 This was my first end-of-the-year ask game. It was fun to reflect on what I've done in 2022. I hope I can write more next year and do another game similar to this in the future.

edited 12/28/22 because I forgot about a fic 🥴