#it can be dry and overly self aware IF your character is that way and it suits them. So like throwing in a few detached scholar types or lik

[damienthepious]

this was ON ao3 before midnight my time so it still counts as a lizard kissin’ offering. Definitely.

Honey Soaked Light

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Early Relationship, Apologies, Communication, (the boys are TALKING!!!!)

Summary: Damien said many, many things to Lord Arum, before they knew each other properly. Arum still remembers many of those things.

Notes: i have a headacheeeeeee and i'm a mess. <3 Title from the song Catch Me, by fcj.

~

Arum peels himself from the wide rock as soon as he sees Damien, his throat rattling as he slithers to stand. He rubs muzzily at his snout with one clawed hand, almost wincing, and Damien's mouth curls into a bemused smile.

"Did I… wake you?" he asks softly, stepping closer. "I'm terribly sorry, my lily, if I had known you were napping-"

The second wince is more pronounced, and Damien's hand pauses in the air between them as Arum stands straighter, stiff and uncomfortable with his eyes squinting hard against the sunlight and fixed on anything but Damien himself.

"I was not napping," he mutters, his tone on the last word dripping with disdain, and Damien buries a laugh. It must have shown on his face regardless, though, because Arum's own expression flattens further, his eyes flashing. "Move," he hisses.

Damien blinks, and then he sidesteps out of the doorway, ducking his head. "I'm sorry," he says again, "I swear that I was not laughing at you, my lily, I was only-" he hesitates as Arum brushes past him with a growl, retreating back into the Keep proper. "I was only- confused, as to why you would be embarrassed for me to find you resting-"

"I was not embarrassed," Arum growls over his shoulder, his steps clipped and quick, and Damien-

Damien is almost afraid to follow, but- but he doesn't even know what he's done wrong. His boots scuff against the rough bark of the floor as he turns in hesitant pursuit.

"Have I… have I said something- wrong? Have I-"

"I was finished out there regardless," the monster mutters, still not looking, and Damien's heart squeezes uncomfortably in his chest.

"I… Arum," Damien says weakly, and the monster does not stop or turn, but his stiff shoulders sink, just slightly. "I was coming to find you because I wished to- to spend time with you. I don't know what I've done, but- please. Just- look at me, please."

Arum's steps slow, and then he sighs as he loses his momentum entirely. "You- what makes you think you've done anything at all?" he mutters, tilting his head and not quite looking back enough that Damien can see his vivid, lovely eyes.

"The fact that you seem furious with me and- and apparently will not even look at me. Arum, I- I care about you rather a great deal, and if I've broken some unspoken agreement or broached some etiquette of which I'm not aware-"

"Monsters are not overly concerned with etiquette," Arum rumbles.

Damien blinks at the emphasis, and then he steps a little closer. "Then- what have I done? If the simple act of coming to speak with you when I was not expected is enough to make you unhappy with me- I- I simply do not wish to repeat such offense-"

Arum finally spins, frowning hard with his brow furrowed, but when he meets Damien's eyes the flash of- anger? Irritation? Fear? Whatever it is- it dissolves, and Arum looks only stiff and uncomfortable and embarrassed. He sighs, then looks away again.

"You've done nothing today to offend," he mutters. "Considering our… our respective positions, certainly you will forgive if I am… reluctant to show you the more inhuman of my proclivities."

Damien blinks, unable for a long moment to parse precisely what Arum is trying to say.

"Er… I don't see that there is anything particularly inhuman about-" he remembers Arum's insistence that he was not napping, and corrects slightly, "resting, Arum. And-" he bites his lip, rubbing a hand awkwardly down his own bicep. "And I thought… I had thought that we had… something of an understanding, my lily. If we are on the subject of your inhumanity, your monstrousness- well, I thought you knew that I am quite growing to l-" an inhale, sharp, and then he gives a stuttered laugh, "to like that about you."

"Perhaps I do not wish to remind you of my nature when it need not bear such scrutiny," Arum says, still not meeting his eyes.

Damien risks a step closer, then, and Arum's mouth curls into a deeper frown, though he does not pull away when Damien touches his wrist.

"My lily… no human could ever have eyes like yours, and yet your eyes were the first brilliant facet of yours to pierce my heart." Damien smiles when Arum flicks those eyes towards him finally, wary and sharp and always, always beautiful. "You do not need to shear away the traits you do not think I will approve of. You do not need to-"

"I- I don't care about your approval," Arum spits, leaning back as Damien lifts his hand, and at the flinch Damien pulls his hand away. "I don't-"

He cuts off, clenching his teeth and hissing through them, and Damien forces himself to keep his breathing slow, forces himself not to take Arum's rebuff to heart. The monster sighs, then drops his eyes to the floor.

"I… apologize. I- approval would imply- would imply an imbalance between us that I do not believe exists, you must understand. Obviously your… your- opinion of me is something that I wish to- your opinion of me- it matters," he says quietly. "More than I prefer to admit."

"So…" Damien says slowly, brushing his thumb along Arum's wrist since he still has not pulled out from Damien's light grasp, "is that… the concern? I cannot see what you could have been doing out there that would in any way lower my opinion of you, my lily."

"I was-" Arum hesitates, then rolls his eyes with an exaggerated huff. "Basking," he sneers, and Damien thinks that the clear derision on his face is- is directed at himself, and not at Damien.

Damien stares at the monster, waiting for him to continue, but after a moment it becomes clear that Arum thinks this explanation sufficient. Damien ducks his head slightly, raising an eyebrow in Arum's direction.

"Ah?"

Arum huffs again, wrinkling his snout. "So," he says, dry and sardonic, "yes, indeed, the lizard does, on occasion, devote a portion of his time to bask in the sun." His frill flares, a proud little flutter at his neck, and he sticks his nose in the air. "Though- though I have no eggs upon which to sit."

Damien stares for another moment, and then-

His own damnable words from their first duel come rushing back to him.

"Oh," he says, partway to a groan, and then he slaps his free hand over his face, cringing into his palm. "Oh Saints above strike me down- oh, Arum I-"

Arum twists his wrist in Damien's other hand, curling his claws around Damien's pulse.

"Honeysuckle-"

"I try not to even think of how wretchedly I-" Damien shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "Every nasty, cruel thing I thought or said about you- of course you have every right, every right in the world to feel-"

"Go on and call me a hypocrite, honeysuckle," Arum says quickly, and Damien peeks through his fingers to see the monster scowling again. "Not a single word that I said in our duels- never once have you thrown my own callousness back in my face, and I- I certainly don't mean to- to do so now. It is only that …" he winces, ducks his head, and his next words come in a mutter. "I sometimes think that it is impossible to forget a single word you say, honeysuckle. Your voice- I cannot forget, and for the most part that is- it is not unpleasant, to remember the ways you have… spoken your heart to me. But-"

"But," Damien repeats, his heart sinking, "but my- my sharper words, of course-"

"You said it with such disdain," Arum murmurs, wincing. "I do not mean to remember, of course. And it does not matter, we were trying to kill each other at the time- why should it matter, what barbed words we spat when we knew each other not at all? It was not even cruel, it was-"

"An intentional and pointed contrast between your intellectual interests and any connection to inhumanity- an animal nature I assumed you to have," Damien says, tone flat with an edge of self-loathing. "It was cruel."

"We were trying to kill each other," Arum says again. "Sharp words pale beside sharper blades, honeysuckle."

"Regardless. If such sharp words have left a mark upon you, Arum-"

"I shouldn't have-" Arum shakes his head. "It was- foolish of me to allow those feelings to intrude on our current- our-"

"I'm sorry," Damien says, and when Arum's eyes flick towards him he tries a small sort of smile, and squeezes Arum's wrist. "I am. I know we have already forgiven each other, and for transgressions far more dire, but nevertheless. I'm sorry, to have implied such distaste. I had no idea of what I even spoke, and- and now I know better, and I know that the pieces of you and your life that I could not possibly have known or understood when first we met- those parts of you I have discovered to be the most beautiful, the most worthy of being treasured."

"I-" Arum's breath cuts off, and he laughs a little weakly, a little breathlessly. "Prattler- I do not know how you manage to speak so- so-"

"I am sorry," Damien repeats, even more gently, and he bites his lip before he looks up into Arum's eyes again. "Will you forgive me?"

Arum makes a choked little noise, almost a gasp, and then he growls as he leans down and presses his cheek against Damien's. "Of course, don't be ridiculous, honeysuckle, I- it was never a matter of- I only know that it is not easy for you to- to-"

Damien's heart pulses as he fills in the gaps in Arum's words. "L-lily," he whispers, and then he kisses Arum's neck. "My lily, it is easy to care for you, just as it is to care for Rilla. If it has escaped your notice, dear monster, I am terribly enamored with you both."

"I simply do not wish to- to give you reason to think about- further reason to-"

Damien lifts his face a little further, so that he may place his next kiss to Arum's frill, the delicate webbing of scales. "I am perfectly aware of your nature, my lily. You will not break my affection for you by allowing me to see you as you are. And especially-" he leans back, ensuring that Arum meets his eyes again before he continues, "especially, I might say, with an act so innocuous and, in fact, charming, as sunbathing."

Arum wrinkles his snout, just slightly. "Sunbathing," he repeats with a rumbling sort of laugh. "Hm."

"You look… always, my lily, you look so, so beautiful in the sunlight," Damien offers, and Arum's hand flexes in Damien's grip. "I cannot erase what unkind things I said in the past, but… but perhaps I can offer enough words now, enough affection to bury that small, stale voice still echoing away. I- I feel blessed, Arum, with every moment I may spend with you. Even the idea of laying beside you, resting tenderly together in radiance, sunlit and safe-"

"I- Damien," Arum rumbles, flustered as his frill rises again. "You- you don't need to- to exaggerate your-"

"I would never dream of it." Damien smiles, then lifts Arum's hand to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. "I should hope, by now, that you know me that well, at least. My heart sings at the idea, my lily. Perhaps… perhaps the next time you wish to soak in the sweetness of the day… perhaps you could be convinced to allow me to join you?"

Arum swallows, and then he flicks his tongue as he squeezes Damien's hand. "I… I cannot imagine that you should like to waste away such a portion of your day simply lazing around."

"Never in a thousand years would I consider such time as wasted, Arum. And-" he pauses, feeling his cheeks heat. "And I … I imagine that I would be rather productive, during such time, in fact. Even if I did not bring my parchment… bearing witness to your elegance in repose, I do not think I would be able to resist the inspiration."

Arum breathes a laugh, mutters prattler fondly under his breath again, and then- he glances over his shoulder.

The yellow gleam of the day outside still lights the far end of the hallway. It is not as if they have wandered far.

Arum glances back down to Damien, and Damien raises an eyebrow.

"You…" Arum trails off, then tilts his head. "Hm. I don't suppose that you would… that right now, you would care to…"

"I spoke truly when I said my purpose today was only to spend some time together, my lily," he says, struggling to keep way his heart leaps from overtaking his voice in trembling. "If you should like… I would love nothing more."

Arum works his jaw for a moment, his frill betraying his embarrassment with an anxious flutter, and then the monster huffs out a breath and in one smooth, shocking motion he releases Damien's hand to instead slip two around Damien's back and two beneath his legs, lifting him off of his feet and into Arum's arms. Damien laughs, delight and surprise pooling together within him, and he grips Arum's shoulder for support as he smiles.

"Arum-"

"I think you'll soon learn to regret this offer, little honeysuckle," Arum rumbles, smirking despite the warm affection in his eyes, and he turns to carry Damien back towards the sunlit balcony as he continues. "You are nearly as warm as the day itself, and I cannot say that even your own clever words will convince me to part with your glow, now that you've offered."

"I am sorry to contradict you, Lord Arum," Damien says, and then he pauses to laugh again as Arum's grip tightens, hugging him more snugly to the monster's scaled chest. "But I can assure you that if what you say is true, I will not regret a single word."

~

End Notes: (damien spends the entirety of this fic STRUGGLING not to accidentally call arum "love" because they haven't said it yet at this point. but ch'boy is FEELING IT today. i only point this out because i feel like it's probably OBVIOUS and also it was a frickin ENDEAVOR to keep me/him from writing "my love" intermingled with those "my lily"s, and there are a few... "care for you"s in there that are VERY obvious deflections, I feel. Ridiculous poet. ANYWAY. happy lkt ilu <3)

[netheritenugget]

you’re asking me to choose? i can’t

(LONG ASK AHEAD!)

-techno has humor and good vibes plus overly long and extra in-character Terror Speeches

-phil has a nice carefree way of doin stuff and also is a god at minecraft (as expected of its creator)

-tommy is the epitome of Chaotic Chaotic and he can also rp your socks off

-tubbo has the ability to make you feel like you’ve read an expectations-subverting tumblr post with his words

-ranboo? chill streams, bomb humor, masked man!!!

-jack manifold always makes me laugh and his chill streams are good to unwind on

-eret? i can literally fall asleep to their content. In a good way.

-the dream team all have such a good friendship plus being able to work well with or against each other!

-quackity has left me legitimately wheezing on more than one occasion, lungs will never recover

-fundy is a coding genius, who also makes the funniest noises (see BWAAAAAAA)

-puffy? underappreciated top-tier roleplayer!!! she also is vv good at improv

-schlatt has a twisted sense of humor that makes you laugh but feel bad about it- yet can be genuine and open when he wants to (see a tribute to minecraft)

-wilbur has the BEST tunes, a real penchant for the dramatic, yet also still manages to make you roll on the floor laughing

-niki is someone who never fails to brighten up my day!!! her laugh is also super contagious

-connor has a dry, self-aware sense of humor, and really makes you feel like you’re watching an outsider’s perspective when he plays on the SMP

-slimecicle? i hate to say it but he may be the funniest motherfucker on this entire server.

-sam’s chill vibes are contrasted by his fantastic roleplaying as the warden! terrifying!!

-ponk has the most chaotic vibes, is constantly at war with his chat, yet is still incredibly wholesome and sweet!

-foolish does PHENOMENAL builds, and is also really skilled at minecraft! he works lore into every little detail!

and that’s just off the top of my head! i love all the creators on the SMP with my whole heart! i just wish i could catch their streams more ;-;

Your heart must be huge to love this many people! This ask makes me smile 🥰👍

[kindness-bliss]

New Beginnings Ch. 7

Timothy Thatcher x OC

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: none

Tim looked over at her discreetly he witnessed her trying to open a jar and cleaned his hands on his already stained shirt “I got that for you”   “And I got this for you” she said as she went into her small closet in the living room and pulled out a flannel shirt  “It’s my dads, I don’t wanna see you in a bloody dried up t shirt as we make dinner”   He nodded quickly as he took off his shirt and unbuttoned on the one she gave him Maya blushed as she grilled her ground turkey and noticed how chiseled he was, his upper chest having the perfect amount of body hair and peaks, his biceps bulging out nicely but not overly muscular or anything like that    “It fits” Tim grinned as he showed her  “Not that bad on you” she admits with a small grin “Plaid is definitely your style, I like it on you” “I-I don’t deserve you being so nice to me” he said quietly “Maya, I won’t ever be able to stop saying sorry to you ever, know that. I’m probably gonna say sorry to you for as long as I know you”   “Tim, when’s your birthday ?” Maya asked suddenly as she looked at him “I know it’s 1983 but month ? What month ?”  “March….March 17th” he answered slowly “why ?”   “Oh my god you’re a Pisces, suddenly everything makes sense wow” she nodded as she laughed “Gosh you fit it to a T, you’re a water sign”    “What does that have to do with anything ? A water sign ? What the hell is that ?” Tim asked confused as he put his cutting board down   “It’s your sign Tim” she chuckled “Your sign is a Pisces which makes sense because they’re...well you are considered to have a sign that is known for its over sensitivity, self-pitying but also very selfless and very accepting”    “Oh” he said softly “well I guess yeah, kinda is me. My mother says it’s because I’m an only child and never got to experience things other children got at my age since I also stayed with my grandmother a lot. I think that made me highly sensitive”   “You call it highly sensitive, I call it highly aware” she grinned as she took the carrots and celery from him and added them to a pan to saute   Tim observed as sat on a stool by her “what are you making ? It looks kinda complicated honestly” “Bolognese” Maya says “Though I’m kind of cheating because I’m using sauce from a jar, but I promise it’ll be good”   “Oh” he nodded “I don’t cook much honestly, I only have ever made chicken or ham and it’s typically without seasoning. Same with my rice, I stick to bland foods for the most part. I broke my diet when we went to that Korean BBQ place” Tim said softly as he reached over and cut up onion for her    “Glad I got you to change things up for a bit, though you ghosted me and acted like a child afterwards and ruined me introducing you to better places” she giggled   “I’m gonna age myself here a bit but um, what’s ghosted ?” he asked with genuine interest as he looked down at her   “It means ignore, basically a millennial way of saying you ignored me” she answered back  “Ah I see, I like that...ghosted. I’m adding that to my vocabulary” he nodded as he repeated the word under his breath as he chopped   “Gosh he’s cute” Maya thought to herself as he stood only inches away from him, their arms basically touching as she sauteed. She made sure she stayed in close distance as she cooked looking around as silence began to take over   “Since you were a dick to me, you have to be really nice to me now like really nice” she said with a smile  “I will do whatever you want or need me to do” Tim smiled at her with his dimple popping out more “Kiss me” she whispered nervously as she looked into his eyes    “Like...like right now ?” he asked nervously “o-okay...I’m not that good at it though and my beard is gonna scratch, my lips are kinda dry too and-” he stopped blubbering when he felt her soft lips gently press onto his as she carefully put his hands on her waist as he leaned in more and placed hers on his cheeks    Maya grinned up at him afterwards as she gently wiped his lips and put ice back on his face “go sit with this on while I finish here and by the way, you’re a good kisser”  He chuckled as nodded and sat on her couch “well thank you, haven’t heard that one in like 5 years at least”. Tim sat quietly as he iced his face trying to make sense of what had just happened. Just 6 hours ago he had told her horrible things and now here was having just had a make out session in her kitchen as they cooked dinner together. Tim looked around as he picked up magazines she had on her coffee table and looked through them smiling when he realized they were all her covers or features. One in particular catching his eye, a feature in a parenting magazine where she was holding a baby on her lap.    “Last year” Maya grinned “I typically don’t do those kinds but they needed a model last minute and I happened to be in the area and went in. It was fun, kids and babies were great to work with honestly and now what I expected. That little one stole my heart, made me think I wanted my own for a bit”    “You think about kids ? Not in a weird day of course, just since like me you’re an only child” she asked “I mean yeah, sometimes” he admits quietly “Granted I really thought I was gonna stop wrestling when I was like 30 and settle down and have that white picket fence life everyone else had but clearly life has passed me by. But I’ve had some other good things in life, experiences and memories not everyone has had in life. I’m not one to complain, you ?” Tim asked as he looked at her   “Sometimes I want 1, sometimes none and other times I want like 5” Maya chuckled

“5 ?” Tim laughed “That’s a basketball team right there, Jesus that’d be feeding an army daily”   “Which is why then I think maybe not having them at all would be more beneficial” she laughed “I’ve got time to think about it thankfully, like 5 more years”   “Enjoy your youth, and your job. It’s interesting, really it is Maya” Tim says genuinely “You’ve been to some amazing places, you have experiences most won’t get and you’re only 25. It’s amazing truly”  Maya grinned at him as she fixed the ice pack on his face “I appreciate that, but your face will appreciate this ice way way more”. Damn, kissing him must’ve been the best thing she felt in ages, she could tell he wanted it just as bad as she did yet kept his usual calm demeanor. She came out of her daze as she heard her her cell phone buzz, muttering quietly as Marcel’s pet name appeared  “Dinner tomorrow is still on ?” “Yeah….but let’s meet somewhere, I think I’m ready to tell Tim the truth” Maya sighed as his name quickly appeared on her screen and declined his facetime requests and calls immediately  “Answer me please, Maya just don’t do it today please. Let’s meet tomorrow and we can figure something out...please ?” “Fine, I won’t do it tonight but I’m doing it soon, I like him a lot and I’m not gonna keep secrets from him Marcel, and neither should you. I’ll text you tomorrow morning” she sent as she put her phone on silent and set their plates up She went to the bathroom as she wiped her residue makeup off her face and put her hair up in a ponytail to fresh up, applying some perfume lightly as she looked herself over and left the bathroom    “Oh” she whispered as she saw Tim sleeping on her couch, giving soft snores as his arms were crossed on his chest. Even in his sleep he wasn’t relaxed, it kinda looked like he was just closing his eyes to her and waiting to spook her any second. She contemplated waking him up for a second and went to touch his shoulder, but instead decided to graze his cheek with the back of her hand gently, covering him up with her throw she had on the couch.  Maya shrugged as she turned on the tv and sat on the opposite end as she stuffed spoonfuls of pasta into her mouth watching Real Housewives of New Jersey, shaking her head at the stupid drama on her television shifting when she heard Tim move around and groan   “What ? What happened ?” Tim asked with a groan as he stretched “did I fall asleep here ?” “You did” she nodded “only been like an hour and a half, now please get yourself a plate and don’t bother me for the next 20 minutes because Teresa Giudice is about to cause drama at this fashion show so shhh”   He raised his brow in confusion as he stood up and served himself a plate and sat next to her going back and forth between her reactions and the tv screen in front of him “Did she just call her an old hag and a bitch ?”    “Tim shh” she put a finger to his lips absentmindedly Tim nodded quickly as he leaned back into the couch and ate, speaking up when the show was over with wide eyes “That was… a lot. Is all reality tv like this ?”  “Only the best” Maya laughed “and by the way, sorry for shushing you like that” He shrugged “I deserve more than that”  “Tim, as of tonight we drop it” she turned to look at him “Please” Maya cleaned up thinking what the hell she got herself into with him, this wasn’t in her character at all. One second she was ready to see him drop dead 8 floors to the ground and the next she was making out with him in her kitchen. This was new territory she was going into and deep down it felt right, it felt right to kiss him and feel his touch and she could feel he was feeling the same way. She turned her head , gasping as she bumped into him    “Yes ?” she whispered “Maya, I like you” Tim said “I like you a lot...and I feel like if I don’t tell you now that it’s just us here in a comfortable environment I probably won’t say it again. This isn’t like me one bit” he admits “I’ll be honest yeah I’ve had girlfriends, I dated women here and there but I never felt like this…”    “Like how ?” she asked softly  “Scared, scared that when I was with you I liked who I was for once, I felt at ease and like I didn’t need to put the harsh wrestling persona up. You didn’t care or give it much thought either or pestered me like some others had in the past. And I just wanna say-” “Tim shut the fuck up and just kiss me already” she said softly    And he did. He kissed her deeply as he moved his hands down to her hips and lifted her with ease onto her kitchen countertop feeling her hands move up and down his chest. It wasn’t just a long kiss, it was several kisses with small breaks in between to ensure they could catch their breath as their hands roamed freely all over each other's bodies. Maya unbuttoned the first 3 buttons off his shirt as she lightly traced his chest with her nails as her forehead pressed against his “we should go to my room….we don’t have to you know...have sex but we can just do more of this there comfortably”   “Okay” he nodded as he took her hand and followed her into her room, looking around at the pristine condition everything was in. A vanity organized with makeup items and skin care products he couldn’t even name, her bed perfectly made and covered in pillows, a closet the size of his bedroom with clothes in every color of the rainbow. Everything so neat and luxurious, everything he didn’t have.   She leaned up against him she kissed him again, this time with more dominance as she stumbled onto her bed on top of him, feeling his hands lightly on her lower back    Tim pulled apart from her as he rubbed his slightly red lips and pet her hair gently with his hand “I haven’t had anything like that in a while” he admitted with a small grin    “Neither have I’ she chuckled, licking her lips feeling them swell “It’s like free lip filler” “Always a comedian” Tim laughed genuinely sitting up on her bed “Jesus it’s 11 already and I gotta walk back to my car to get home, I got tapings tomorrow”   “Just stay here and I’ll take you back in the morning, it’ll be early I promise” she said softly as she gave a comforting grin “Okay, I”ll take the couch though. I’m not sleeping in your bed, this was a one time thing that I typically don’t let happen”    “What a gentleman you are” Maya said as she brought him a pillow and blanket “I’ve got all the works on my tv so feel free to watch what you like, bathroom is right next to the closet”    “Thanks, I appreciate it really” She got up in the morning as she turned off her alarm and got ready for the day, taking a peek and seeing Tim up and sitting as he watched tv making different facial expressions  “What are you watching ?” she chuckled as she walked out and turned on her Nespresso machine “Danielle is a mess, I get why you watch this trashy stuff. It’s addicting” he shook his head as he turned it off  Maya laughed as she took out two mugs from her cabinet “Well now you know and let me guess, you take your black ?” “ Yeah” He nodded as he got up and sat on a stool    “I got a shoot in like an hour so I probably won’t be able to talk to you for most of today” she said softly as she packed her bag “chances are till late late tonight”   “Oh….well um I was hoping if you’re able to, I actually have a taping tomorrow and I wanted to ask you if you would like to attend ? It’s about 2 hours, it’s fun even for someone like you who’s never been around wrestling” Never been around wrestling, after a great night she remembered the big mess she had yet to talk to him about. Marcel, shit.    “I’ll try my hardest” she responded with a grin as she drove them back to his car “Thanks again for driving me here, I appreciate it have a good shoot” he nodded as he lingered for a while leaning in slowly as he pet her cheek with his hand and kissed her “Um I think your friend over there saw us” Maya laughed softly as she pointed to an opened mouthed Oney at the gym entrance    Tim chuckled and shook his head as he got out “I’m not gonna hear the end of this one, I’ll text you later, have a good work day” he smiled softly as he walked away “Is that….you have a ?, speak up already” Oney pushed as he followed him to his car “you can’t just not tell me what’s going on after kissing someone like THAT” He turned around as he got out his gym bag “excuse me ? what do you mean like that ? what’s with the emphasis on the end there ?”    Oney shook his head as he gave a scoff “Do you have any idea who that is ? What kind of work she does ?”

  “Uh yeah she’s a mode” Tim nodded as they walked inside “I’ve seen her stuff, she showed me and talked to me all about it”

“I can’t believe you’re dating a model man, you of all people. No offense of course but I mean I never pictured you even dating someone at all”

Tim raised a brow “I’m that bad of a catch huh ? Gee I feel great now that you’ve given me this amazing pep talk, feeling like I can conquer the world now” he answered sarcastically stretching

  “How old is she ?” Oney asked “because there’s no way she’s older than 30”

“25….” he said softly “she’s 25, just turned 25 actually about 2 months ago”

“WHAT ?” Oney said as he spit out his water “No fucking way, you’re dating a 25 year old ?”

  “Would you stop, we’re not dating…….we’re friends that’s all” he answered as he began his cardio

  “Oh yeah because you totally suck face with a friend before leaving right ?” Oney chuckled “You’re in deep, you did the cheek grab and the little linger after you kiss” “Well maybe I like her, friends right now but who knows maybe after she comes to the show might change” he gave a smile “I invited her and she said she’ll come” “Who are you and what have you done to my friend ?” Oney asked with a raised brow “Because you are not the Tim I know” “Let’s just say maybe I wanna enjoy life a bit more” He shrugged “and I’m starting with her, she likes me. I like her, there’s nothing that can go wrong” Nothing right ?

[writingawaymylife]

NSFW Alphabet Higgs 18+

A/N: This has me now writing a Higgs smut. So that’s exciting! Also, everything under the cut because this is mature shit - so please be aware of that!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He isn’t one for cuddling or gently helping you come down. After you’ve both come undone he’ll hover over you, or hold you on top of him for a moment. Just enjoying the comedown, and the heat and warmth of it all. Eventually, he’ll need to either get off of you, or get you off of him. Might go have a shower, get something to drink, have a smoke - whatever he feels he needs in that moment. 

If it was a particularly rough session, he would probably be more keen on how you’re doing. Asking if you’re alright, sticking beside you and just talking. No cuddling. He doesn’t really enjoy clammy, hot bodies after it all. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn’t really have a favourite of his - but, if he had to chose, it would probably be his hands, or his tongue. This man has got some big hands, and those fingers? Just as skilled as his tongue. This man knows how to use his hands and mouth. Trust me.  

Higgs loves your neck and jaw. Leaving marks along your throat, a small bruise underneath the corner of your jaw. Drives him crazy seeing those pretty little marks once they start appearing. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Loves coming in your mouth. The way your lips press a little tighter around him, how your throat constricts as you try to take it all down. And when you come up, and some slips onto your lips and you lick it off? This man will turn to putty just at the sight - or go absolutely feral. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Tie this man up. Make him your whore. He tries to act like he is 100% into only having control, that he would never let someone make him scream. But if you give him that look, and hold his hands down? He wouldn’t be able to find it in him to fight it. He would just nod at whatever orders you gave him, let you completely bend and take him how you pleased, and he would love every minute of it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Higgs has most definitely had some experience. Maybe not a lot, but he knows what he’s doing. Trust me, this man is a quick learner. Whatever you like, however you need to be pleased, he’ll find it all out, and he’ll have you crying before he’s even close to being done with you. He loves having you melt underneath him like that, and he’s willing to be as observant as possible to make it happen. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He loves when you ride him. When he’s sitting up, back against the headboard and hands on your hips, moving you how he likes. You might be on top of him, but trust me, this man will still have control. Have you begging as he keeps to pace just below what you need, able to kiss along your neck and down your chest. Able to grab whatever he wants without anything obstructing his hands. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Depends. Sometimes he’s in a mood. He doesn’t want to talk or think, he just wants you and you alone. 

Most times, he’s unable to keep a straight face. Either through teasing you, driving you crazy and making you want to almost throttle him from his taunting words - or through random, dry humoured comments that have you laughing, and totally ruin the atmosphere for the moment. Too serious and he gets uncomfortable, it feels to professional for a situation that is anything but. So expect him to make some stupid, offhanded, sassy comment in the middle of everything, sometimes without him even thinking about it.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He keeps himself clean down there. Trimmed - neat. Nothing too fancy or overly high maintained. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Not the romantic type. The man isn’t one for soft, romantic, “making-love”. It just makes him uncomfortable, being that intimate. But eventually, as he gets more comfortable with you, he will take on his own version. 

The moments are far more sensual, if anything. Firm, sharp. Hands grabbing at your hips and dragging you close. Teeth nipping at skin and leaving small bruises, if you let him. Kisses are slower, more intimate in these moments, but there is still teeth and nips. Words mere whispers as he tells you how good you are for him, how amazing you’re making him feel.  

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

If he has to. Not against it, not really for it. He’s far more into fucking you over his hand, but if he has to he will. Quick tugs in a quick moment, eyes closed as he thinks about you and your lips and hand as he brings himself over the edge. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Being tied up or tying you up - whichever works at the time, whichever you’re comfortable with. This is probably his go to. Loves feeling that twist in his stomach when his hands are tied over his head, only for you of course. 

Edging: This man can and will edge you for hours, when given the chance. Loves watching you squirm and beg, the way your body shakes as you get close, how your muscles clench tight when he leaves you just on the edge. And the way he can just take you for however long he wants. 

Edge play: He isn’t keen on actually cutting into your skin - he doesn’t want to cause any real harm. But he loves trailing his knife along your body, pressing it just enough where there’s that slight sting - cutting off your underclothing with a slightest flick of his wrist. Loves it. 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere. Take you on the kitchen counter, the couch, the bed, the shower. Outside? He doesn’t care. Fuck you right on the ground - or maybe even against the truck or on the reverse trek. However, he can’t complain that a bed is the most comfortable - and that shower sex is amazing - so he would probably say those two are his favourite. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything. Though he loves when you lean down a little more than needed to grab a cargo box, and the way your Timefall suit clings to your ass… drives him crazy. Sometimes you just get a little more snarky with him than usual, maybe your sass turns a little mote flirtatious, or maybe you just kicked ass in some MULE camp, and it just gets him going. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Voyeurism isn’t something he’s particularly keen on. Even when you’re out in the middle of the day, he tries to make sure it’s private. The risk of being caught is something he finds hot, but the actual act of getting seen while in the middle of something like that? He doesn’t like that idea, and he doesn’t like the thought of others seeing you like that, either. 

He also won’t do anything that causes too much harm. He doesn’t like when hands touch his throat, and he doesn’t really like wrapping his hand around yours either. Hitting, spanking, anything with blunt force makes him uncomfortable and can easily trigger him. Also there’s bathroom play - but I don’t really think I need to explain why on that account. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

As much as he loves seeing your mouth around his cock, he loves giving. He loves the fact that he is the one making you feel this way, and that you are completely at his mercy. If he wants to stop he just can, leaving you breathless and begging. If he wants to push you a little further, have you come undone even further, drive you blind with pleasure? He can. He loves it. 

And trust me - you will too. This man knows what he’s doing. 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends. He’s more into rough, firm, slow. Taking you in just a way where he can drive you crazy with want, along with himself, before finally giving in to what you both need. Sometimes he’s fast and rough - but he prefers to take his time, to watch you slowly come undone until your falling apart at the seams. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He really would rather take his time, but if time doesn’t allow that, he will most certainly go in for a quickie. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely loves to experiment. As long as it isn’t anything part of the no subject, he will give it a shot. 

Once you two got stuck in BT territory in your truck, were stuck there for a while. Higgs, being the creative bastard he is, came up with a very fun idea - seeing who could stay quiet the longest. Whoever made the first noise above a whimper or a muffled moan? They were at the will of whatever the other wanted when they got back home. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go for a few rounds. 

Unless he is really excited, he will probably last a long while too.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

If you had some toys, he would probably be up for using them. Whether that be on himself or you, he doesn’t mind. But he doesn’t own any of his own.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves teasing. Edging, getting you amped up without even touching you properly? Loves it. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s pretty quiet when you first start exploring with him. Keeps things to grunts and groans, definitely strings of curses - though he is definitely vocal when it comes to comments and jokes. However, eventually he starts getting more comfortable with you, and he gets a bit louder. He isn’t one for growling and crying out - not unless you are on top and your pulling them from him - but they will slip out. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Loves watching you tease yourself. When you’re completely at his mercy, and he has to tell you how fast or where to touch, it’s a giant boost to his pride. The fact that you are technically in control, and yet still gave him the wheel of the bus. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Higgs isn’t the thickest, but man has he got some length to him. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He’s a slut. You could look at him from across the room and he’d already be taking off his clothing. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually takes him a while. He has a hard time falling asleep in general. So, while sex does help calm his mind and tire him out more, he still finds himself awake for a while afterwards. 

[tough-bit-of-fluff]

"Self-Reflection on My Self's Reflection or, Do Foxes Tire of Time-Worn Tropes?"

“Pink...everything is...pink. By. The. Twelve. Has all the world….gone pink!?”

Aly flipped her hair out of her face, laughing in her normal voice instead of the overly-theatrical faux-masculine one she had used a moment before. Glancing in the mirror and seeing her attempts at styling were already mussed beyond easy repair, she scrabbled at her hair with both hands, to tease it up into further heights of disordered fluffitude. Pink strands tinged with light blue now stood out in all directions from her head, the points of her long, furry ears barely visible above the mass.

“Okay, Fetch.” She crouched down to address the fox sitting primly on the floor of the small, slightly ramshackle airship, The Four Winds, beside her. “Remember to make a wish, before you blow the seeds off this unusual but strangely alluring pink dandelion, and scatter its seeds alllll across Eorzea.” She pointed at her recently-enfloofened hair, and gestured broadly with an open palm to indicate, no, really, ALL across Eorzea. 

“Just imagine, little me’s sprouting up in every city-state. It’ll be the cutest AND most combat-ready invasive species!” She laughed again, imagining the potential mayhem. “Unless you somehow managed to like. Send out fox-spores or whatever. Then that one wins, hands-down. No one will suspect the lethality and sheer cunning of the adorable fox-weeds until it’s toooo late! All of Eorzea will be within the grasp of your many slender snoots!”

Fetch lifted aforementioned snoot slightly, perhaps to watch a moth fluttering past the hanging lantern, or perhaps to affect a more majestic air befitting a conqueror. Whatever the motivation, the effect was achieved nevertheless.

Alyona grinned wide and tossed Fetch a hearty thumbs-up, before bouncing up out of her crouch, stretching her arms and tail as far as they would go, arching and flexing her back, and then turning to look in the mirror. 

“I know you don’t need my approval, Fetchie, but I need yours,” she said, raking her fingers this way and that in an attempt to tame the fluffy pink mane. “Do you like my hair parted on the left side? Or the right?”

The fox tilted her head in apparent consideration, and then began scratching her left ear with her hind paw.

“Left side, got it! Your advice is invaluable as always.” Aly wasn’t sure where Kail Gerrad, the tough old pirate who was Fetch’s person, had wandered off to, or why the fox was roaming around the airship on her own, but she was glad of what company the oddly attentive animal could provide.

The miqo’te leaned forward to examine her reflection more closely, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she struggled to open a barrette with a resin paissa affixed to it. Her eyebrows raised in realization, and her mouth opened in a wide grin, showing her fangs.

“Oh! This is that part of the story where the heroine examines herself in the mirror, so the readers can know what she looks like and what is on her mind. It’s a well-worn literary device, Fetch. Some might say TOO well-worn, but you know what? I say it’s a classic for a reason!”

Aly clipped her hair into place and gave an “eh, good enough” shrug at her reflection. “Here’s the important question, Fetch: what IS on my mind?”

The fox paused her scratching to give a huff that sounded almost scornful. “If you don’t know, woman, how on earth am I, a fox, supposed to?” is what it seemed to Aly to convey.

“Ha, fair enough, Fetchie, fair enough,” Aly said, as though replying to an actual statement the fox had made. 

“Well, let’s start with the appearance then! Okay so. I have these big ol’ gray eyes, which are great at noticing things. They’re not shrewd gray eyes, or flinty gray eyes, so that tells you something about the nature of my character. They’re,” she paused to make a series of increasingly bizarre faces in the mirror, furrowing her brow, arching one eyebrow, opening her eyes so wide it looked like they might disengage from the rest of her head. 

“Soft,” she wrinkled her nose, dissatisfied with what character traits that might denote, “And curious,” she nodded. “These eyes say to the onlooker, this person does not NECESSARILY know what is going on. But, she is canny enough to *know* she doesn’t know, and savvy enough to try and find out.”

Aly gave another thumbs-up and a grin. “Yeah! We’re doin’ it, Fetch! Introspection Experts Beg Protagonists To Identify Their Defining Traits With This One Weird Trick.”

“Umm, what else. Rounded cheeks, perhaps denoting my youthful enthusiasm?” She smooshed a finger into the soft curve. “Or at least my enthusiasm for like, cheesecake?” She shrugged. 

“And a cute little chin signifying,” she paused a moment, frowning. The chin, what did it signify? Was a chin sometimes just a chin? “Oh! That I am agreeable but can be very decisive when necessary!” 

Aly beamed and pumped her fist in the air. “Man, I am a natural at this! I should open a consulting business, telling people what character traits they have, based on my assessment of their appearance!” Aly sat with that idea for a moment, arms folding across her chest. She shifted from foot to foot.

The woman grimaced, and scratched the back of her neck. She looked chagrined. “I….should NOT open such a business, for reasons that should have been immediately clear to me, but, now revealed, are better left unsaid.”

She waved away her embarrassment. “That’s not how these scenes work anyway! They have to emerge organically. You can’t force someone to undergo character growth,” she laughed. 

She narrowed her eyes and growled into the mirror dramatically, “Though by the Twelve I try.” She slapped her fist into her palm for emphasis.

Aly beamed again at the fun she was having, and her tail waved merrily behind her. “What next. Ears? I have pretty ears. They’re real soft. Though not as pretty and soft as yours, Fetch, no no no, I would never suggest! What inner complexities do you find that they reveal to the perceptive, Fetchie? Or has anyone even taken notice? Don’t worry, the right ones will come along,” she reassured the animal, nodding. The fox’s tongue lolled from the corner of its mouth. Fetch’s face was not that of a forest creature who was overly concerned.

Aly turned her head at various angles, watching the shifts in light and shadow on her face. Her hand wandered up to stroke the edge of one of her own ears. A goofy grin spread across her face, in both recognition and enjoyment of the absurd gesture.

“Mmm,” she said, closing her eyes and smiling. “It actually is pretty nice, even this way. Though still not the same.” She opened her eyes and tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “Oh! The takeaway here is perhaps that I am the kind of person who is aware that her ears are soft and pretty, and cares which way the light falls on her face to create the desired dramatic effect. I am surprisingly filled with artifice!” she observed cheerily. 

She held up a finger, adding, “AND self-awareness! And and, winning! I am full of winning, Fetch.” 

Fetch gave the woman a flat look that indicated she was certainly full of something.

“I can’t see what look you’re giving me right now so I’ll have to assume it’s more of that approval,” said Aly, who, with the mirror, absolutely could see that was not the case.

“Of course,” she said, lifting up her shirt, “This callback serves not only to point out my delightful cheeky sarcasm,” (the shirt covered Aly’s face at this moment, so she could not see Fetch’s reaction to this declaration) “But to recognize that I am not entirely kidding about craving recognition and even acceptance from a fox, which really calls into question a number of my other judgment calls.”

“Oh well!” She chirped, casting her blouse to the floor. “Now we get to see how many paragraphs we spend discussing the appearance of my br-” Aly broke off, tilting her head curiously, and running her fingers over a spot on her side.

“Huh,” she said. “I have a scar there. A small, cute scar. But totally a scar.” She used her thumb and forefinger to measure its size, then brought the measurement up in front of her face. Her eyes crossed a little as she looked at it. 

Aly pursed her lips, then reached down to her thigh-high boot. She pulled out a knife, which she held up first to her fingers, then to the old wound.

“Oh, yeah. I definitely got stabbed,” Aly asserted, nodding confidently. Sheathing her knife, she pressed her fingers into her side with her left hand to feel her ribs, and put the palm of her right hand flat against her chest, over her heart. “I almost got stabbed to death!” The miqo’te’s level of enthusiasm for this macabre revelation might have seemed to Fetch to be entirely out of proportion, had the fox not been absorbed with the pressing task of worrying at her svelte right haunch with her tiny teeth.

Aly was ready to move on with her whimsical self-assessment, but her fingers kept wandering back to the scar. Probing it, examining it. Imagining what it must have felt like. She frowned slightly. Well of course she’d been stabbed before, there was nothing significant about that. She’d been injured in combat multiple times in the past month alone. Scrapes, bruises, cuts. That desperate Ala Mhigan’s spear had taken a while to heal from. But the fact was that she had healed. She was fast to recover, and not prone to developing lasting, visible scar tissue. Not prone to taking a hit someplace so vulnerable, someplace she would have rolled and twisted and fought to protect in combat.

She moistened her dry lips. “I think,” she said slowly, “I wasn’t stabbed in combat.” She took a moment to mull over what that might mean.

“They said I was a spy, Fetch,” she said, crouching down to retrieve her discarded blouse. “In those folders and files we found at the secret base. Dossiers! That’s the word. It, it was the Garleans! It could have been a trick, or just plain wrong. But…” Aly twisted the fabric in her hands. Fetch yawn-whined, and padded to Alyona’s side, resting her tawny chin on the girl’s thigh.

Aly had already averted her gaze from the mirror, but it was too late to stop the tide of unbidden reflection, as ever more stories about herself came flooding into her mind. You’re the kind of person who can’t tell friend from foe. You’re the kind of person who lets her guard down even when it doesn’t make sense to do it. Someone tricked you into believing you were safe with them. You probably tricked other people into thinking they were safe with you, too. You’re the kind of person who tells lies and gets lied to, do you even know which of your stories are true? You’re the kind of person who can’t leave well enough alone. You refuse to look at what’s in front of you, and when you finally do, you won’t look at anything else. How many people are going to get hurt before-

Fetch whined again, and Aly absently stroked the fox’s head. The feel of the fur against her fingers grounded her, interrupted her racing thoughts. Impulsively, she hugged the creature, an act which the elegant fox bore stoically. Fetch gave the miqo’te an appraising look, as if to say, “Well? What have we concluded?”

Aly rose to her feet, and pulled the now-wrinkled blouse back over her head. “We’ve concluded,” she answered the imagined question, “That I’m the kind of person who almost got killed, maybe in combat, maybe by someone close to me, but, that’s not going to stop me from fighting. That’s not going to stop me from getting close to people! I love people, I will never stop that!” She stamped her foot for emphasis, and her booted heel thudded against the wood of the floorboards. She liked the dramatic sound it made, so she did it again.

“The girl smiled,” Aly narrated aloud, breaking into a grin on her own command. She didn’t turn to look at it in the mirror, however. “She didn’t know a lot about who she had been, but, little by little, she was finding out, who she is.”

Aly nodded in satisfaction. “Well? Whatcha think, Fetch? Would you read a book about this character? Or is she consigned to the discount bin?”

The fox was nowhere in sight. Perhaps the stomping had scared her away, or perhaps she had found the scene too self-indulgent by half.

Aly heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Everyone’s a critic,” she lamented, but she said no more about it. This time, she was not even talking to a fox. @teahousetales @erstwhile25

[dispatched-a]

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME! ♡     lou

PRONOUNS! ♡     he / they

ZODIAC SIGN! ♡     virgo moon, taurus moon, leo rising.

TAKEN OR SINGLE! ♡     single 😼

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

1! ♡    i am SUPER into making lists. i don’t know if it’s because i’m autistic, have ADHD, or because i’m a virgo – probably all three? – but i literally love making lists and spreadsheets. i also love organizing and sorting stuff. i will find a reason to make a list for literally just about anything. right now, i’m working on tackling this list of the shows i want to watch.

2! ♡     i can make my tongue form into a clover (three-sided) which is probably gross and i won’t embed a picture here, but showing it off has gotten me past at least 2 different forms of hazing so i feel like it’s worth mentioning at the very least.

3! ♡    most of you likely know that one of my special interests is history, specifically working class interpretations/tellings of history. i’m always looking to learn and educate myself more, but i can spew off a bunch of obscure facts about most points of american history which is... a lot. i spent 3 years in uni for history and almost got my certificate in queer studies before i dropped out and i might change my course of study now that i’m back in uni, but i now consequently own an obscene amount of books on imperial america. i may not shut up if asked about post/911 history or anything having to do with the bush presidency, or the war in vietnam/cambodia/laos. i’m sorry to anyone whose dm’s ive unleashed in before, lmfao. because of all of this, i feel like i enjoy writing essays and am better at academic writing than prose, which gives me a complex about my prose being too dry and not poetic enough so, fun times.

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED! ♡   at the moment, i use tumblr and discord, and i sparsely use dreamwidth. before, i’ve used facebook and livejournal, and occasionally youtube, which is how i got into roleplay about 10 years ago.

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER! ♡  i’ve always gravitated toward writing men and i was not self-aware enough to know my discomfort in writing women has always had to do with projecting my personal Butch Gender Envy and my own discomfort with societal notions of womanhood – however, now i can write any gender. at this point, i tend to be drawn toward nb/trans muses. 

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S)! ♡    i don’t HATE any faces i guess, but i dislike fc’s that are super popular or obviously the very problematic ones. the rpc tends to cycle through a favorite face 1-2 times a year. like semi-related, i guess, but: never forget the 2016-2017 e/iza g/onzales fixation, and the amber heard fixation that i feel like only recently ended but began circa 2012. and yes, ive been on this website for WAY too long.

MULTI OR SINGLE! ♡    i’m fine with interacting with either! for myself, i have frank and a multi-muse, which is how i tend to operate. i cannot operate more than 1-2 blogs at once, especially single muse blogs.

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

FLUFF:    i love fluff! but it’s not all i enjoy. a big issue i’ve had is constantly perpetuating slice-of-life content with little plot. i love slice-of-life and fluff a whole lot but i need plot and dynamic building to back it up (more so dynamics, as i care more about character relationships than plot, usually, but point stil applies). i feel like a lot of people misconceive frank to be an overly soft, fluffy person – which frank definitely can be, but i’m kind of uncomfortable with the way he’s constantly written in fanfic to be a mindlessly loyal himbo (namely to karen bc k.astle fans are Like That) and the way his old-fashioned (and subsequently hypermasculine and condescending lmfao) nature is constantly lauded instead of questioned. he's not a great person lmao. also, i feel like this plays into people writing and portraying frank as straight in so much of the fic i read, which i dislike. 

ANGST:    i LOVE angst, but i don’t like trauma/torture porn. i like angst when it also props up plot and dynamics, but trauma porn? hate it. i feel like an issue that i have with angsty plots is that it tends to occasionally turn into a dynamic revolving my muse taking care of another person’s, or vice-versa (which ive ... tried to work, but still, i can be guilty of it!). i also specifically fucking hate (usually very graphic) immediate post-sexual assault/rape plots that have no basis in canon, which is such a specific thing to rip on but i’ve seen it more than once lmao and it makes me so uncomfortable. please stop torturing your muses for no reason. i feel like i’ve worked on doing that myself, and yes i am aware that the punisher is the hugest example of an edgelord, but uh.... please, i’m begging. 

SMUT:    ii feel like i enjoy writing smut but not just for smut’s sake. not too into pwp, but sometimes i can be. like what i’ve said about fluff and angst, it just depends! 

PLOT / MEMES! ♡    i LOVE both. i feel like memes at this point work better than starters for me. i also enjoy plotting a lot, which for me includes going back and forth about our muses, sending quotes/pictures/etc as inspo, etc. i enjoy that a lot about writing and it’s a huge reason why i love roleplaying - i just love collaborative storytelling. i have a very bad habit of dropping dm’s because my executive dysfunction is Bad and also i can get easily overwhelmed if too many people talk to me but just know i love both.

tagged by :  @vylingas thank you ♡ tagging :  @transforms, @bulletballet, @hammurabicomplex, @streetknown, @errorware, anyone who wants to do it!

[chiimmchiimm]

❝ 𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 !¡ 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓇𝓉𝑒𝑒𝓃 ❞

CHAPTERS “  01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 -  11  - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 “  

The northern jail was the most dangerous in the country, social scum, thousands of criminals were locked behind their bars. Who would tell poor Blair that he would end up there because of his father’s mistake. The problem was not the lack of hot water, but that inhuman obsession that many of the prisoners had for “new toys.” Rookies had two options; be submissive and abide by veterans’ orders or suffer the dangerous anger of those disturbed minds. It all started one night when Blair had the bad idea of ​​going to shower alone.

𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔: Jungkookoffender au x (female: Blair).   𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒: Genre: smut.(later), offender au, fluff, angst. 𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈: 4.3 k 𝑅𝒶𝓃𝓆𝓊𝒾𝓃𝑔:  +18   𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔:   dirty language, lies, mood swings, spectacular and close bodies, muscles, biceps, problems, very big problems, resolved threats, future friends, jealousy on her part, sad but spicy conversation in the end, rare metaphors ... 𝒜𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇’𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒:  A long time, dear readers, I paused to finish the story completely. I will try to upload the chapters more often. Great things are coming !! Thank you very much for reading and enjoy the chapter !!

Did you have me for what?

  Fucking shit because every time we talked, he left me with the word in his mouth and left, leaving the greatest suspense in history. It seemed like her favorite hobby, confusing me as she tried to make sense of everything she said. But all that was a dead end because every time I reached a conclusion he would come and make me think a thousand different times. I never understood men, much less this one. I did not like the feeling of uncertainty that settled in my chest every time I had the privilege of being the recipient of such ambiguous words.

   My fist hit the leather material with enthusiasm. I did not know at what point I had arrived at the prison gym, I was only aware of my actions when I noticed the cold latex contrast with the heat of my knuckles. Maybe I had found my way to let off steam. When he hit the bag he didn't think, he just moved the muscles unconsciously. I needed that, let go of instinct and stop thinking about deep eyes and strong arms with wonderfully perfect tattoos.

  I liked that inmates ignored me, it had been a long time since I had heard loud compliments and overly embarrassing sexist comments. In a way, they had learned to respect my space and they didn't bother me as much, of course, the presence of Thirteen had been a mitigating factor worthy of note. In these weeks my relationship with Thirteen (if the strange bond that unites us can be called that) had advanced to such a point that I did nothing without him at my side. I suppose that we had a common goal, to protect his sister, but in fact, I liked that he will also ensure my safety. Since the occurrence of the baths he had not detached himself from me, and in a way, his company did not bother me as surprisingly I thought he would. He was not as bad as he thought, his grumpy character had been lowered considerably in these weeks, he was no longer the same serious boy whose only facial gesture was manifested through a slight involuntary blink. Without going any further, he continued to maintain that firm and regal posture but there were times when he thought he saw a small smile appear.

 A smile like now.

"If the sack had a mouth, it would be laughing at your blows." I hear his mockery between the roars of my fists hitting the leather material. His back was turned to him but I could imagine how his corners rose in a mischievous smile that only screamed the desire he had to make me rage. His longtime favorite hobby. Buffet exhausted and then stop hitting the stuff to turn me around. Thirteen received my frown with a small laugh.

"Yeah, but you have to understand that not everyone lives three meters away and has arms bigger than their head." I blurted out, she seemed to look annoyed but both he and I knew that my contemptuous tone was overactive. Cross your arms to calm the hectic movement of my chest. For him it had been nothing more than small blows but he had really left my breath. Long heavy breaths with her mouth ajar as she skeptically watched him. I felt how the beads of sweat gradually accumulated on my forehead and then bathed my neck with pride. Thirteen observed me sitting from an exercise table, with his dark eyebrow raised as he followed the path of a drop that went down the column of my neck towards my tank top. My breathing increased dramatically for reasons other than exercise when her tongue came out in a provocative dance to wet her two parted lips. I squeezed my arms to cover the view of my semi-transparent white sweatshirt. I felt very intimidated on my feet, as her eyes traveled everywhere she had exposed. Even more when her dramatic silence began to bore me and my mind began to produce thoughts about how good the white T-shirt she wore today looked, how well her tattoos stood out in the artificial light of the bar lamps and in the wide and fluffy that turned his thighs when crushed when sitting.

I swallowed hard to catch my breath as Thirteen scrambled to her feet to impose her height on me. I had to tilt my neck up to see the dark glow in his eyes.

"I'm not ten feet tall," I groan with a small pout as I wrinkle my nose and frown. Her gesture made me laugh a little. However, I stopped laughing when his eyes dropped to my wet little cleavage. My breath hitched and the mouth of my throat began to dry. I part my lips in a snap, causing her to soon admire his movement. "However, I have parts of my body that are quite large."

  Snap your fingers in front of your face to catch their attention. Immediately his eyes stopped admiring the beginning of my breasts to settle on me as if nothing.

"My face is up here, Thirteen."

   I pass a slanting self-sufficient smile as I stared at mine. A look too intense to hold for too long. For a fraction of a second I wished I had closed my mouth, because at least the other way I didn't notice how nervous I was when his pupils dominated mine too easily. Turn the sack around and hit it to camouflage the tension that had formed from the awkward silence.

  Center the force of my punches at one point to increase damage to the bag, isolating myself from around me. Suddenly, my back hit the hard surface of his chest. I immediately froze by canceling any future moves I intended to make. I swallowed so that the dryness of my mouth was not so bothersome. My stomach clenched as the weight of his hands began to warmly embrace my hip. I tried to glance askance at his body but his hands held me in place. One of his legs came slowly down the side of my body, when his thigh brushed against mine I swore I heard a gasp escape from his lips that landed directly on the surface of my ear when he leaned enough so that I could feel the wetness of my skin from his lip.

"You are too weak to leave all the weight of the blow in your hands," he whispered in a graver tone than usual. I deduced from the movement of his chest that he looked more disturbed than the normal stability of his voice reflected. He raised his hands leaving a silky path too nice, I closed my eyes unconsciously when he left them on my waist. By then, my breathing was too strong to try to hide it. It was as if after his hot walk my joints would stop working, submitting to the sweet torture of his overly provocative caresses. In a movement that caught me completely off guard, he thrust his knee into the hollow of mine and dug his fingers into my waist to propel me forward so that my fist hit the material. Incredibly the bag moved for the first time since I started my workouts. I opened my eyes forgetting, or rather, trying to ignore how good my whole body felt when feeling the cozy warmth of his big hands.

“But how?” I asked, too surprised by the simple fact that I never thought I would ever be able to move the bag on my own. In a quick blink I managed to glance askance at her face, her sharp detailed jaw in front of my eyes giving me a perfect perspective of her wonderful profile. His well-formed cheekbones and the relief of his large nose. I even managed to discover amid the roughness of his broad neck a small mole that caused a sweetness to the eye. Thirteen realizing my devotion to new discoveries of her skin, I turn my head completely. His wild pupils dominated mine leaving me at his disposal. The moisture on my lips felt a sharp chill as it contrasted with his hot breath.

"You are small, you have almost no muscle and you hardly know how to defend yourself." All you can do is attack strong enough first to give yourself time to run away.

I felt ashamed for her lack of confidence in my physical state, more than hurt, however, deep down I knew she was right and that's why I kept quiet. I was never a physically strong girl before, I did not win a fight in my life and if I did it was not for me, but because someone interrupted. And maybe that was what bothered me so much that even knowing I was right I didn't want him to see me as a helpless animal that had no other way than to flee. I've been running away from an abuser all my life, and I think sometimes people get tired of running away. In my case, quite a long time ago.

"Well then, teach me how to defend myself," I whispered in a conciliatory tone. Thirteen I raise one leaves surprised by my interest, however, a short time later began to form a smile marked by pride. I felt good at the time, able to do anything.

“Do you see the black area of ​​the bag?” He pointed his eyes forward, making him turn his head towards his directions. Take a close look at the black stripe that covered the top of the bag. He bit back an unsatisfied moan as he remembered that it was the hardest area. At first I had tried to soften her but had done nothing other than bruise my knuckles thoroughly. I nodded a little confused for not understanding what was the interest of her looking right there. His finger reached to the start of the sack just on the edge as the material slipped in to form a flattened circumference. Raise your head to facilitate my perspective. It was almost funny to see how his hand reached that height without any problem knowing that I would not even jump. I gave a little frightened gasp when I stick his lip to the cartilage of my ear and whisper softly as if he were telling me a story. "This area corresponds to the beginning of the forehead. and the small fissure that corresponds to the mouth, lower is the jaw and a little lower is the jugular and finally the neck. "I was amazed to be a spectator of so much strategy. It was true, if I could get a better look there were marked parts that corresponded to all the parts that he had named, it was only necessary to pay more attention to the details. His finger attached to the hand of his tattooed joint looked powerful, large, so mesmerizing from the dance of his marked veins. "You just have to look for the area that you think can fuck the most." But if I give you some advice, the first blow send it directly to the neck, you will leave it breathless for a few seconds long enough so that you can punch it and knock it to the ground.

"I will," I swore safely.

"Yes," he whispered, dragging me into a world full of chills. Her lip had settled on my skin like it was her second home. The contrast was so relaxing when enough time passed. Her lip was so soft as well as hot. In an instant I found myself casting a longing gaze at him. I did not know why I simply began to feel an exaggerated desire to see his black eyes again. He reciprocated in seconds. I regretted when I realized the very compromising position I was in. His face was too close to the point that his nose was caressing mine. The long arm I had as a support began to slide down until it was inches from my neck. Everything seemed to disappear around me when Thirteen began to bow her head with a desperate slowness.

“Am I interrupting?” A voice foreign to us interrupted the moment too abruptly. Thirteen stopped leaning quickly to look at the unknown person. Suddenly, I noticed how his jaw clenched and his nose widened. When I could feel the tension in his shoulders I couldn't help but turn around and understand why Thirteen had reacted that way. "I was looking for you, Thirteen."

    I instantly recognized that wicked smile and that piercing look.

"I don't have time for your psycho shit, Hong Kong." Thirteen replied with a tired air in the reflection of his voice. The named broadening the smile further exposing his tongue pircing more than macabre. His yellowish, sharp teeth began to create small retches at the beginning of my stomach. I don't know if it was fear of everything I had heard from him or simply because I didn't like how tense everything was getting, I just knew that I wanted to leave urgently. 

Suddenly, Thirteen's hand caught my wrist too hard to push me on its way. However, we could not take two steps as miraculously two men appeared in front of us just as creepy as the other one standing in our way. I heard a deep sound come from Thirteen's throat as a warning. The taller of the two, a blond with a beard, seemed unaffected, however the smaller one truly doubted his position.

"I said I was looking for you." He spoke again in the same neutral tone. I looked at Thirteen immediately but he didn't stop terrifyingly shooting the bearded blond. His fingers wrapped more and more tightly around my wrist, letting me understand that he was getting quite angry, but also that he was getting nervous.

"Take off," he growled at the blonde. I was quite surprised by the cold and terrifying tone I use. It had been a long time since I had seen that part of him. And I admit, I wasn't liking seeing her again, it was too scary.

"You should thank me that I have had the education to introduce myself here to ask you myself if the rumors I have heard from some prisoners are true."

   Suddenly, the air became much heavier. I watched with some panic as he closed his left hand into a fist. I had never seen him lose control like that, it was as if his rational part had suddenly vanished and another good had appeared instead. There was a moment when his fingers were clenching too hard, he groaned silently but with enough plea for him to hear my complaint. As if it was a sign that she was being carried away by the impulse her hand loosened suddenly causing her to exhale in relief.

"Surprise me," he spelled slowly but very demanding.

"Well, it turns out that one of my trusted men was suspiciously sent to the hospital with a broken jaw. Rumors have it that it was because he messed with the wrong girl."

    My mouth clenched impossibly to hold back a gasp. I had an urge to cover my lips to hide a scream but I held steady for the sake of both of us. You didn't have to be very smart to know what he was talking about. My good imagination played a trick on me, scenes of a guy lying on the floor drinking his own blood while Thirteen kept giving him more blows. I felt guilty because this was all for me. I knew I was that girl Hong Kong was talking about as I also knew that my problems were starting to affect Thirteen and I felt pretty bad.

"Yes, he messed with the wrong girl."

   Hong Kong slowly shook his head to the side. His smile exuded amusement, an ironic glow that had rendered me speechless. Thirteen managed to move a little toward him to keep his gaze. He positioned himself with his back to me and when I was afraid to stay behind with the two Hong Kong men, suddenly, I felt a hand catch mine to calm me down. Ironically, this was the first time he had shaken my hand. I couldn't turn off the disappointment of my heart because I really waited for that moment for a long time without realizing it. Fears left me when the warmth of his hand took mine.

   However, my eyes caught an abundant body moving from the corner of my periphery, I slightly turned my neck and it was when all the nerves returned ripping without mercy. The sweat suddenly turned cold as I froze as I saw something shiny and pointed mockingly peek out of the blonde's sleeve.

    When he took a step forward, I knew in that instant his terrifying intentions. His eyes glued to a fixed point on Thirteen's back as his eyes sparkled with anticipation. I really didn't know what to do, not when I knew what was going to happen if I didn't do something. Thirteen was on his back, he was protecting me, he was ignoring two psychopaths so he didn't have to deal with Hong Kong's bloodshot eyes. My chest rose so high that my heart began hammering inside my ear. Taking a rather exaggerated exhalation of air I placed myself in front of him with open palms.

"Don't do it! Are you really planning to take that out here when you have a camera pointed directly at the nape of your neck and another in front of us?" I whispered quite upset. I controlled my tone with concentration but if I could analyze the nuances of my babble I could Successfully deducing that I was truly terrified. The blonde remained impassive at my little hysteria and just then laughed at me. I felt small under his wicked gaze, I opened my mouth to cover an overly revealing gasp.

It was at that moment that Thirteen turned suddenly to make sure with a quick glance that he was fine. Afterward, I watch the blonde glaring at him with so much fury permeated by every detail of his pupils that I cut his laughter abruptly. Thirteen wrinkled his nose and grunted in his direction as he took two steps causing the blonde to back off at the same time colliding with his partner.

"Don't go near her, motherfucker."

    His roar was too aggressive. Her nostrils flared at the strong breaths. His brow furrowed together with his nose. But really, really it was the dilated vein in his neck that could really stand out from the whole scene.

“The wrong girl, huh?” Hong Kong cooed quietly. Thirteen seemed to lose track of the situation for a couple of seconds. He blinked nervously for a couple of seconds but knew how to compose himself skillfully. I didn't even need to look at him to know that he was controlling himself terribly. Her knuckles couldn't be whiter and I could swear her nails were digging deeper and deeper into her palms. When Hong Kong spoke again the air came back to me again. "Let's go, I already got the answer I wanted."

     True to his word, Hong Kong and the other two left when the Asian signaled for them to follow him. The tension returned to me when the blond collided his shoulder with Thirteen's when it passed by him. Thirteen smirked as he moved his leg to sneakily hit his stomach. The blond whimpered weakly intending to turn but his friend dragged him out of his reach.

    When I thought the scare was completely gone a loud scream made me jump in my place.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!"

    I opened my eyes with regret as my mouth closed uneasily. Thirteen was furious. Killing me back. Leaving me more nervous than I already was.

"I don't know," I stuttered. I buffeted, closing my eyes before swallowing hard. "What did you want me to do when I saw I had a screwdriver under my sleeve?" I have acted on impulse, sorry.

    But my attempts to get him to listen to me evaporated as fast as water in the summer. Thirteen remained royal. I knew that deep down it was nothing more than a reprimand for intervening in other people's conversations and also, that I really did not want to behave in this way but I assumed it was due to the constant accumulated tension.

"Damn it, Blair." Hong Kong really isn't a person you can screw with. ”I gasp, forcing myself to calm down before completely losing patience. He slid his palm across her face as he whispered a couple of curses.

"He didn't come to speak and both you and I knew perfectly well. Did you want me to stay on the sidelines when his friend wanted to stab you with that thing? ”I insisted with overwhelming urgency. The sharp point returned to my head causing a terrifying chill.

   Thirteen clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes contemptuously.

"I don't need anyone to defend me," he clarify loudly, rejecting the idea of ​​needing help from someone other than himself.

"Oh, believe me I know." I laughed wryly as I recreated inside my head the memory of him boxing.

"You are too impulsive."

"And you're too dependent." Furious, I let out an agitated sigh. Thirteen raised an eyebrow to declare how unimportant my view of him was. “I know you've probably always solved problems just because you've gotten used to not depending on anyone but this is different. You must tell your friends so that ...

"I'm not going to get you into this," he growled, completely opposing what he had said earlier, drawing out a weary sigh.

"Stop wanting to be alone! Because you don't think of all the people who love you, Lucy, Jimin, Taehyung even though I don't show it very often I think Suga does too. Accepting help from others does not make you a weak person, on the contrary, it only shows that you are strong enough to correct mistakes and find the right solutions”

"And you love me?"

    I was blank for a few seconds when I cut myself off with that question. I blinked uneasily at his direction trying to understand if my ears hadn't really played a shovel at me. Inevitably I began to ask myself, an immediate answer came out, one that, despite being totally confusing, was still secret to me. I mean, yes. I mean, yes. Thirteen mattered to me. He was a good friend and besides, he was always there when he needed it. But...

Those were really the reasons?

"649 report in the direction immediately." When the metallic voice of the intercom broke into gym Thirteen and I turn our eyes to the device hanging on the corner of the wall. Taking advantage of his oversight, I ran away. And I must admit that I felt like a complete coward at the time. But he didn't really blame me, I wasn't ready for that conversation.

"Hello." I greeted Brian cheerfully as I approached the principal's door. He smiled warmly sending me feelings of security and tenderness. My heart skipped a beat. It had been a few days since I saw him and I must admit that I missed those striking green eyes.

"Hello, Blair," I reply back when I finally get in front of him. Despite his smile and his good demeanor I couldn't ignore the tension that was building up on his shoulders. He turned on his side and opened the door. "Come in, they're waiting for you."

   Slightly tilt your head, getting lost in the situation.

"Who?"

   Brian intended to reply, but his mouth was immediately closed when a tall, stout, and dressed man took up my entire field of vision. She frowned in confusion. I briefly looked at Brain who nodded at me nervously.

"Miss London, have a seat please." The director's sudden voice distracted me for a few seconds. Not knowing how to deal with this situation, I decided to sit down and wait for things to clear up.

"What is all this?" Despite the fact that it was the director who had been in front of me, the question was thrown into the air so that both the man from before and the other, who had just seen when I entered the room more, they will take the initiative to speak. There was a brief pause that further condensed the oxygen in the office. The man in the suit took enough authority to stand next to the principal. The sockets of my eyes almost shot out when I managed to visualize the gold plaque hooked on his belt. However, it was different from the regulation in my country. I was much more confused, and worse still, much more scared.

Did they come to tell me about my father's dirty business?

Did they come to threaten me so that I will plead guilty at trial?

"My name is Kim Hyulin, I'm an inspector for the Seoul Police Station Homicide Squad. We came here because we have to ask you some questions." His foreign accent took me by surprise. The alterations that navigated his pronunciation were very similar to those of Thirteen and his friends. Suddenly Hyulin put her hands on the table. Watch the gesture suspiciously. There was something in its tonality that told me that it had not been entirely clear and that there were things to say. His expression was harsh, he frowns enthusiastically trying to scare me but his attempt was in vain. The unnatural wrinkles on the length of his skin gave him the image of a mature man in his forties. However, the other man dressed in a much cheaper suit was young and it was obvious that he was a novice.

"What kind of questions?"

"Limit yourself to answer and you have not asked," the rookie roared with an air of superiority. The contemptuous tone that I use accompanied by a look full of pride bothers me. He was looking at me like I was some trash he had to deal with.

“Answer what?” I breathes out nervously at her planned circumlocutions.

    Hyulin blew out a breath as her lips parted with a snap. I don't like his accusing look. Nor his ways of analyzing my gestures as if from them he will get the answer he so longed for. I glance quickly at his apprentice, who quickly straightened up. Then he spoke:

"Tell me Miss London, how much do you know about Jeon Jungkook?"

next

[mikenips]

Do Sitting Ducks Take Acid

Woke up today with the same fear I wake up to everyday.  The mail on the table isn’t addressed to me.  But I’ve been known to break the law here and there.  So I read the open letter anyways.  The federal government with the news of the oncoming impending doom.  Twelve hundred in the bank account.  Sincerely.  President Donald J. Trump.  It feels surreal.  A sittin’ duck listenin’ the broken record skip for the past four years.  The loop echoes in the news and Facebook comments.  But just now recognizin’ that every revolution brings you back to where you started.  Recognize you’re stuck in the loop and there’s no way to spin on.  Move past it.  Pick up the needle at his signature copied to millions of people.  It’s real.  There’s nothin’ left to do now but face it.  And hope you can jump the acid loop.  Skip past election day.  And it’s all over.

All things must pass.  Everyone out here strokin’ the Beatles off.  But don’t wanna face the reality of George Harrison’s oncoming impending doom.  All things must pass.  The lines of ecstasy drip into the nosebleed.  Eventually come down.  Left sweaty and shirtless in your room.  Alone.  Watchin’ Big Bird sing at Jim Henson’s funeral.  Made it through years of revolution.  Revolution is comin’ to a doorstep near you come this November.  Look outside.  Wish the sun good morning.

Grow up.  Jim Henson’s dead man!  Step on the porch.  Nose clogged with baby lax and amphetamines as the hundred from unemployment unravel into ones.  Light a cig with coffee as the sunrises.  Maybe it’s the ketamine or acid or the fuckin’ coffee.  But step outside and realize you don’t remember how to get to Sesame Street.  And the neighbors you’ve lived next to for three years but don’t know their names don’t wanna see this shit outside their doors every morning.  Shit man.  There’s kids that live here.  They don’t wanna see you gaspin’ for air.  Hidin’ from the sunlight.

“I’m fine grandma.  Just sat down to play Scooby-Doo with the homies.”  Heathcliff the Big Cheese spits the oncoming impending doom into the phone.  Another story for her to tell her friends.  The needle keeps spinnin’ on the edge of the wax.  He tells you if you don’t beat the game the whole world is gonna implode.  Shit.  Between the Pentagon confirmin’ the dude from Blink-182 isn’t just a cook from our childhood but was onto aliens long before the CIA.  California is lookin’ like Blade Runner 2049.  Or some other movie set Hollywood uses to make underdeveloped countries look overly polluted.  A facist is paying our rent while plannin’ a coup.  And the hundreds of thousands dead are just sacrifices to keep Wall Street above the risin’ sea levels in the midst of a pandemic.  2020 is really turnin’ into some type of apocalypse film.  Arthur Lee always said the news of today will be the movies of tomorrow.  But I’m not so sure I wanna stick around to see the ending.  Not sure if I want this chapter included in my semi-autobiographical choose your own great American adventure novel.  I want the thrill of meetin’ new people and them sayin’ they’ve heard a lot about me.  Just don’t know if this is a part I want them to hear.

Drag on the cig while takin’ in the drag of reality outside the living room.  The grass seems more vivid.  More harsh.  But the neighbors don’t see the cosmos exhaled.  They don’t see the constellations of ash and clouds smoked through your nostrils to avoid a dry socket and another couple hundred dollar dental bill.  They don’t see the cliche survival story of hours spent researchin’ sellin’ plasma to pay the bill.  They don’t see that me and my friends are out here birthin’ our own cosmos.  We know the world can be as simple as Fraggle Rock.  And now without Jim Henson it feels like someone is pullin’ the puppet strings in a different direction.

We are the lonely and desperate people John Sinclair told you about.  We collage together sound bites and Harmony Korine B-rolls.  News broadcasts and Instagram photos.  Makin’ our own vibe boards.  Boredom is the vibe.  Cause no matter how far you move the needle.  You keep revolve in the same loop.  The constant struggle to make the moment bearable.  The Guilty Undertaker tries to drone it out behind chord organs and omnichord beats.  File it under the audiobooks on Bandcamp.  Like some self-help book that didn’t include an instruction manual.  It reads like noise.  But in relative pitch plays back like a symphony on the reel to reel.  But it just revolves back to where you started.  Nothing.

“Yeah.  I think hating yourself is just part of your twenties.”  PJ Banana tells you this.  While pissin’ into the oncoming impending doom in my front yard.  Takes a bump with a Gumby like omnipresence.  Downs the beer with toddler like chaos but is too old for childhood games like kick the can and nitrous oxide.  Somethin’ about that last third makes ya puke up all the drunken coherence.

We resist.  We take the streets.  We play rock and roll music in sweaty basements till one in the morning.  Record revolves in the living room.  Nobody is listenin’ to any of it.  No matter how much the record skips we just fall into the loop.  We grow into somethin’ we hate.  Throw in the towel after he says he deserves a third term for reckless endangerment.  Then pack it up for the burbs.  A place the news and movies don’t wanna go.  Replace the familiar characters of Oscar the Grouch and Cookie Monster with Phil the dentist who treats himself to another year of golf at the club on your unnecessary root canal financed by your plasma.  The lobotomizing mundane doesn’t hurt as much as the oncoming impending doom.  Call it god or Santa Claus.  But at the end of the day we’re still gettin’ punished.

Unwind in a hammock without the sound of duster cans firin’ in the distance.  Unsure if your actions are an ironic joke at your own expense.  You always said don’t take yourself so seriously.  Shove metal through your flesh.  The good memories never stay.  Only the nasty wounds scar.  You let your life imitate the art you once lived.  Masochistically ink yourself.  Tattoo the good memories that burnt up with the braincells from aluminum foil bowls.  You don’t remember the stories.  But you can still see Skaterino outside the club askin’ where the party’s at.

You can’t see his face or the Carhart beanie that probably stays on durin’ sex.  But you can see his smile.  Nicotine stains in his teeth glisten with childlike optimism at the oncoming impending doom.  Every morning I wake up with the same fear his question left with me that night outside the ol’ OLL.  Every morning I wake up to the shower head I don’t recognize.  But the familiar dirt on the ground.  Every morning I wake up to images of people that did terrible things to their bodies taped to my walls.  Everyday I wonder if I know where the party is at when I wake up.  A room of burnouts and drunks like sittin’ ducks gets you the fix we all crave when they say they’ve heard a lot about you.  We all live in the hopes someone else shares our urban legend to people we may never know.  A room of burnouts and drunks like sittin’ ducks in the rain dancin’ their cares away with the fraggles will always be more aware than Phil the dentist pullin’ a tooth from your skull with pliers in the most unprofessional medical procedure.  How much college do you need to learn how to destroy lives?

Everyday I wake up with the same fear that this is the day the party ends.  The drugs come down.  The fascists burn the Constitution in an Antifa organized wildfire to spread climate change propaganda.  Everyday I wake up with the fear that this is the day the fear ends.  I meet Jim Henson in the dead end alley where Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock converge with the oncoming impending doom.  Everyday I wake up with the fear someone just moves the needle forward and we’re still in a loop but with a different revolution bringin’ us back to where we started.

I see his name signed on a piece of government mail.  It surreally makes this apocalypse film a reality.  The Guilty Undertaker hits a bowl of salvia.  PJ Banana screams his head hurts.  His hands are sweaty.  And his face is hot, man!  His face is hot!  Before lockin’ himself in the bathroom with a fifth of Hornito’s.  But I know outside my door.  And outside my neighbors’ doors.  Revolution is happenin’ all around us.  People are birthin’ their own cosmos in the midst of space and time and whole damn continuum.  We’re all writin’ our own semi-autobiographical choose your own great American adventure novel.  Somewhere outside all our doors the ducks are on acid, dancin’ their cares away in the puddles and rain.  Somewhere Skaterino is askin’ where the party’s at.  Nicotine stains glistenin’ with childlike excitement and naivety.  Somewhere the angels are screamin’ at every single one of us sellin’ our bodies to the plasma bank.  While tryin’ to make the most of the oncoming impending doom and over inflated cost of dental work.

All of this must pass.  And we all wake up with the same fear that this is the day the scene ends.  This is when we forget how to get to Sesame Street and move to the burbs instead.  We wake up with the fear that someone is gonna skip our needle forward to a new loop on a broken record.  But hopefully someone sees the constellations in the clouds we smoke.  And are comforted by the hope someone out there is sayin’ they’ve heard a lot about us before we even meet ‘em.  But everyday we wake up with the fear that the reassurance our urban legends of cosmos we create are recognized won’t be enough to end the revolutions of the dronin’ loop of our oncoming impending dooms.

[chubbyheroesworthyheroes]

this damn thing didnt want to wrap up cleanly, but here’s what i’ve been doing! 100000% inspired by @kanonffa‘s artwork, which really brought the harken muse out of the depths of my skull. as much as i love love love him, he can be hard to write simply on account of the fact that his character is inherently emotionally draining, but i’m fairly pleased with this because its fluff that he fuckin’ deserves!!!!!

Harken hadn’t been with the Pheraen knights for very long, perhaps a couple of months since Lord Elbert had first taken him in and given him a purpose again. It was more than he could have ever asked for -- more than he’d ever thought himself worthy of, especially with his former lord. Lord Elbert was so...genuine and kind, warm and honest with everyone that he met, but certainly in contrast to many nobles in Lycia, he seemed to do his best to connect with those that served him. It was damn near impossible to not admire the man, and Harken desired to do everything within his power to please the man that had stretched out his saving hand to a failure of a knight such as himself. At odds to what he’d become accustomed to with his previous master, Elbert didn’t demand much, and while there was some relief in this, it left Harken wondering if he was really doing enough to show his gratitude to his new lord.

“You worry too much!” Elbert had said to him one late morning, a chuckle escaping him as he gestured for Harken to join him. 

It had become a bit of a habit to report in with the nobleman after the morning routines; Harken dutifully running through the training regimes and what was to be had from patrols the night before while Elbert sifted through papers and absently ate a late breakfast. It was very open and casual, something that the knight was still getting used to where it concerned how Lord Elbert handled his knights. It was...nice, though he felt that he was a little bit of a nuisance while the other man worked, and did his best to keep things professionally brief.

Still standing stock still before Elbert’s desk, Harken couldn’t school away the utterly baffled expression that made its way onto his face at the other’s invitation to sit with him.

It was unheard of, unusual, and Harken was keenly aware of the sweat on his neck and the dirt on his clothes from the sparring sessions the knights had just finished with. He should have cleaned up before coming here--

But, with a simple smile, Elbert cut through Harken’s spiraling train of thought. “Really, I could use the company, and a break from all these letters. Besides, Eleanora insists I eat a full meal at least once a day, but I simply can’t get through all this on my own,” the redhead insists, waving a hand at the overly generous selection of food set off to one side of the table he was working at. It didn’t look like he’d touched much of it, late as it was already for the first meal of the day, and had mostly stuck to tea and nibbling on some bread.

Harken clasped his hands anxiously behind his back, eyes darting down to the caked mud on his boots, then up to the elaborate lacquer of the table. He took a tentative seat, after a prolonged moment, rigid and straight backed, but it was enough to earn another, larger smile from his lord.

“There, that wasn’t so hard, now was it? The world is still intact despite you relaxing an iota, my dear Harken,” Elbert mused, blue eyes shining with a fond amusement over his cup of tea. 

The blond attempted to smile, but it was wobbly with nerves at best, and he resisted the urge to huff out a breath -- that wouldn’t be proper, and he was already doing several improper things as it stood. “I’m...unused to this, I apologize. My lord-- Ah, that is...The lord I served before you took me on as a knight...was not anywhere near as open as you are with those that worked under him,” Harken spoke, slow and halting. Elbert was one of the few that knew of his past before coming to Pherae, and though he trusted everything that he was to Lord Elbert, Harken was still not overly comfortable speaking of it.

Elbert nodded somberly, pouring out another cup of tea for the knight as he listened. 

He recalled the man that Harken had been sworn to previously. It had been mere chance that he had been visiting that particular march, several other Marquesses in attendance for some reason or another -- it wasn’t anything of great importance, but politics were politics, and it paid to know what your neighbors were up to one way or another. This lord in particular had a rather nasty cruel streak in him, and from what Elbert had been able to glean, Harken had been a favored target during his service. He remembered the sight of the utterly beaten down knight letting the man verbally eviscerate him in front of visiting nobility, anger rising in him as the nobleman disgraced Harken and stripped him of his service right then and there for something trivial. 

Elbert hadn’t let Harken get much further passed the hall’s doors before he stopped the blond and offered him a place among his own knights in Pherae. He could still see the way Harken had looked at him back then -- brown eyes wide and body shaking like a rabbit caught in a trap, expecting the worst and wary of the kindness being offered to him. Elbert had seen a young knight already brought low in ways that one didn’t usually see but in those who had served for most of their lives; stress and abuse wearing on his mind, his body, breaking his spirit.

Even in just the few months Harken had been in his service, Elbert could see the improvement in the other. The knight wasn’t quite as jumpy, though he was still horribly prone to severe self-deprecation. He’d been thinner when they first met, stress and overworking himself not doing him any favors; while still lean, Elbert was pleased to note that Harken looked healthy, a bit more filled out after some proper looking after -- he’d entrusted Marcus to help teach the younger knight how to tend to himself just as much as his duties. While not the most social individual, Elbert knew that Harken had started to integrate with his fellow knights and actually feel comfortable with his comrades outside of battle.

It was good for first steps, but Elbert was determined with Harken. He’d come to care dearly for the man, and wished to do everything he could as the knight’s lord to return the dedication he was shown. While he wasn’t the sort to play favorites...Harken had very quickly found a spot in his heart.

“Well, I see I have my work cut out for me. I’ll get you used to this, mark my words,” Elbert promised, his tone lighthearted but with underlying notes of seriousness in his voice. “We shall have to make this part of the routine, then. So long as duties allow us, I’d like for you to join me in the mornings. Nothing gets the gears oiled quite like a good meal and companionship.” Giving the blond a confident smile, he passed Harken his tea.

To his credit, Harken didn’t spill his tea when it was given to him, but his shock must have been painfully evident from the amused expression on his lord’s face. Tongue tied and throat dry, all he could do was nod dumbly at the whole exchange.

Conversation eventually shifted, Elbert doing a majority of the chatting as he steadily encouraged Harken to eat the food laid out for them. It was easy to do, really. Both a boon and a bane, the blond knight was incredibly keen to please, and therefore, paid very close attention to what he interpreted as orders or desires by those above him and put his all into accomplishing whatever it was. While Elbert really only meant to suggest things for him to try, it was clear after a few dishes that Harken took this as something he was being asked to do by his lord. 

It wasn’t his original goal, but Elbert would take whatever ground he could where it concerned Harken.

So, he suggested and plied, one thing after another, watching carefully in order to make sure Harken wasn’t uncomfortable or that he didn’t force himself to eat something he didn’t care for. It was hard not to get caught up in the moment, though, as Harken didn’t give any signs of discomfort one way or another. He ate whatever Elbert sent his way like it was his duty; Elbert occasionally diverting his attention to jot away at letters and other papers, and quickly found himself making suggestions absentmindedly.

“Those fruit taste best when you eat it with this yogurt.”

“Have you tried this bread with honey spread on it?”

“Have some of this bacon, try some of that cheese pie, did you get some of this, that, everything?”

By the time he realized what he was doing, Elbert saw that Harken had quietly made his way through everything on the table that there was to eat, the younger man looking a little woozy for his efforts. Blue eyes blinked in surprise, and he was quick to apologize -- something Harken immediately denied being necessary at all. Even so, Elbert dismissed the knight with an apologetic air about him, urging him to take it easy and perhaps sleep off the unexpectedly large meal he’d just ingested. 

Harken had dazedly bowed and left down the hall, heat spreading through his face as it slowly dawned on him that he’d just eaten like a pig in front of his lord.

---

Several more months passed, and everything had fallen into a comfortable routine. Harken had solidified his place among the knights, and had quickly risen to the position of Elbert’s best warrior. Lycia was in a time of relative peace, at least at the moment, so the drills they did as soldiers were mostly relegated to patrols and mock battles to keep everyone in top form. 

Of course, at Lord Elbert's insistence, Harken had joined him in the mornings for a meal. It took a while to get used to it, but Harken had adjusted to the addition to his daily routine, since it seemed to bring Lord Elbert great pleasure. He didn’t think himself very good company, but Harken wouldn’t question whatever it was his lord got out of the talks and meals they shared. It still felt like a taboo thing to do, getting so close to the man he served, but it was...disarmingly enjoyable. He became more accustomed to speaking with Elbert -- even if he was still nowhere near casual with the man, in spite of the lord’s encouragement to speak freely with him. Harken didn’t want to allow himself the pleasure of completely enjoying what seemed too good to be true, didn’t want the rug yanked out from under his feet yet again, but Lord Elbert was starting to ease him into the possibility that life was going to get better and stay better.

Even with the doubts that plagued him, Harken found it difficult to not fall into Elbert’s gentle optimism. Mornings in the redheaded man’s chambers were blissfully peaceful, whether they talked the whole time or Harken simply sat as a silent companion as Elbert worked. Lady Eleanora sometimes joined them, mother hen-ing the both of them to actually eat the food that was set out for them. Her presence was soothing, as her kindness had a calmer tone to it than Elbert’s and was easier to take without feeling a little pressed or flustered. 

And so morning meals were eventually joined by other things -- some professional, as it was Harken’s duty to accompany Lord Elbert any time he left Pherae for meetings in the other marches of Lycia, and others far more casual and close. Elbert not only considered Harken a loyal knight, but a dear friend; Harken dared not tack such a title onto his lord, but he was aware that his relationship with Elbert was unusual for a knight and their master to maintain. 

Between their friendly get-togethers, and the political mishmash of events that made up the life of a Marquess, food had become an odd focal point of the knight’s life. 

Harken didn’t really think much about food, and tended to be a middle of the road person where it came to his tastes. Food was just food to him. Of course, working for nobility, he was used to seeing how some people chose to behave in regards to it. There were the snooty, slim lords and ladies that ate just enough to be polite -- or not, if they were of a particularly dour disposition. The nobles that only indulged when they didn’t think they had to worry about the potential repercussions. And then, of course, those who couldn’t seem to care less that they very clearly taxed their poor tailors to keep up with their expanding figures; they ate with abandon, and it almost seemed like a perverse pleasure to some.

From what he’d noted about his lord, Elbert leaned more towards the former of these categories. Every meal he’d shared with the man, he ate just enough to get himself through the work of his day, but never seemed to really indulge or go overboard. Frankly, his only real interest in food seemed to be to make sure Harken himself ate. It was a little strange, truth be told; on more than one occasion, Harken had most definitely been aware of his lord watching him eat as he supposedly read through missives and reports, idly being told to have as much as he wanted. It was confusing, and made him more than a little twitchy, as the blond simply didn’t see what could be so distracting or even vaguely interesting about the action of eating. Still...his lord always smiled when he ate his fill -- or a little too much, a bit more than a little too much, way too much -- so Harken didn’t question it.

He wanted nothing more than to please the man that had saved him, and if his armor was starting to feel restrictive as the days went on, it was nothing a few extra hours training couldn’t fix.

That’s what Harken had told himself a few months back, at least, but there always seemed to be something that got in the way of him doing so. A last minute meeting in Ostia that Elbert couldn’t be tardy for. A non threatening but still bothersome illness sweeping through the ranks of the senior knights, meaning someone had to handle all of the reports and cataloging of inventory while the lower level knights were put to task in their own training -- which meant Harken had spent quite a maddening amount of time sitting around, scribbling away at detailed reports until the others were well enough to handle their duties once more.

Whatever it happened to be, it only ever interfered with Harken’s training regime, as Lord Elbert remained insistent on their daily meals when they were in Pherae, and made sure that Harken didn’t skip out on anything just because they were traveling abroad.

What had started off as his armor pinching tightly or feeling damn near suffocating had tumbled down the slippery slope of Harken not being able to get it on at all one morning. He couldn’t get the straps of his breastplate or pauldrons to buckle, even at the furthest notch set into the sturdy leather. Face a burning red, gloved fingers fumbled at the belts that should have gone at his waist, but was met with much the same result as the rest of his armor. The belt that had once been loose enough that it needed to be looped around itself and cinched to stay in place had no chance of buckling no matter how roughly he yanked the leather about his hips. He tried the other belt that sat higher on his waist, but the possibility of getting it on was quickly squashed as the blond knight saw the sheer distance left between the clasps as he attempted to put it on with a feverish sort of desperation.

Harken swallowed thickly around the catch in his throat, wrists digging into the sides of his stomach as he futilely tried to fasten the belt, unequivocally facing the fact that he...might have let himself go. Might have. Most assuredly had. There was no denying it when the proof of the matter was right in front of his eyes, though Harken was loathe to admit it.

When had he gotten fat?

Filling out several months before hadn’t been cause for concern, as it had more than likely brought him to the weight he should have been since coming to Pherae, but...this was blowing passed that mark by quite a bit.

Cheeks flushing hotly, Harken cast about wildly in his own mind for why no one had said anything to him. This clearly hadn’t happened overnight, but no one had spoken a word or even given him so much as a funny glance! A hand came up to rub anxiously at the back of his neck, the action only further accentuating how ill-fitting his clothes were. The sleeves of his shirt were pulled tight around his arms and chest; not much give to the material as is, but even less when he bent his arms. His trousers were similarly strained, the garment forced to hug his ass and thighs, leaving very little to the imagination and making it more than a little difficult to move.

These, however, were nowhere near as problematic as the rather large gap between his shirt hem and the waist of his pants. Where not that long ago his shirt had easily covered the space, laying flat and even just a little loose on him, it could no longer contain the plush belly that pooched out over his waistband. 

Sighing, Harken halfheartedly tried to close the gap. The shirt made a valiant effort at doing its job, but it gave up the fight around his navel, the flaps unable to meet and close regardless of how he tried to squish his gut down or otherwise out of the way. When this failed, he attempted to just pull down on the golden hem of the shirt, but this only served to make it feel tighter on his upper body, and it shot back up several inches when he released his tense grip.

How could he hope to serve Lord Elbert when he couldn’t even fit into his armor? He could get it refitted, but that was a horribly embarrassing thought, and it really only covered up the issue--

The sound of the door to his humble quarters opening made the blond nearly jump out of his skin, brown eyes shooting to the doorway as he tried to pull his shirt down again to preserve some of his dignity.

“Ah, Harken, there you are! I was worried when you didn’t show up on time, you’re usually so punctual,” Elbert beamed, walking into the room with only a slight hitch in his step when his eyes came to rest on his most loyal knight fidgeting rather uselessly with a tunic that was clearly a few sizes too small on him. The redhead couldn’t help it, his eyes were glued onto the thoroughly attractive sight of Harken’s soft, creamy belly on display -- almost like it demanded his attention, now that he was in the room. 

Much to his knight’s embarrassment, if Harken’s stammering was anything to go by, half-formed words tumbling from his mouth, round face a brilliant shade of red.

“M-My lord, what...what are you-- I’m sorry, Lord Elbert, I’m not-- not decent enou--” Harken blabbered out, the foreign sensation of Elbert’s hand on his stomach as the other man stepped closer shocking the younger blond so badly that he bit down on his tongue as he jolted in place, hands almost coming down to push away the other’s touch, but his brain was stuck in such a state of panic that he was frozen halfway through the motion.

There was a loaded silence as Elbert’s hand rested there, cool against the comfortable warmth of Harken’s belly. The knight was too petrified to speak, and the nobleman appeared to be mulling through his words before he actually voiced them. The pad of his thumb moved over soft flesh, catching in the divot of Harken’s belly button, and the first thing to come out of Elbert’s mouth was an awed and hushed, “You’re beautiful…”

Harken's brain hit a further blank at the gently spoken words, before fear and doubt raged to the surface, screaming to himself that it had to be a lie. Of course, this didn't make it out of his mouth, the only forthcoming sound a choked sort of whimper.

Saints, could he get any more pathetic?

Blue eyes blinked rapidly, as if coming to from a dream, and Elbert's expression shifted to something gentle and just a little bit sad. "You really are hard on yourself, my dearest Harken," he sighed, the pads of his fingers pressing ever so slightly into the swell of Harken's stomach, the tips sinking into plush little indentations from his touch. "You think I'd lie to your face simply for the sake of being cruel?"

Harken kept his mouth shut, but his eyes couldn't meet Elbert's searching gaze, and that was answer enough.

A sad smile, but there was no anger to be had from Elbert. "I understand why. I truly do. But...I wish to prove my sincerity about this, about how you make me feel." And, Saints, was he feeling quite a few things in this moment -- arousal coming in hot, but the unfamiliar sensation of nervousness prickling at the back of his neck was making itself known as he watched the gears spin furiously in Harken’s mind, the other man clearly trying to understand what was going on. Still, he hadn’t moved away from Elbert’s touch, so the redhead was taking that as a hopeful sign.

"I...don't understand," Harken finally spoke up, brow furrowed and pleasantly round cheeks still a bright red. "I-I'm a knight, your knight; I should not have allowed myself to get so...I cannot serve you to the best of my ability if I'm not in top form--"

"And what if I did not want servitude from you, Harken?" Elbert asked earnestly, trying to meet the blond's avoiding gaze. 

"What?"

The corner of Elbert's mouth quirked up into a genuine, warm smile; the redhead bringing his other hand up to cup at the plush swell of the knight's underbelly. "I wish to see you happy, to live a content life. I wish to return the devoted attention you give to me. I've seen...such a marked change in you over these past few months; you've been happy, you've been enjoying the things that life has to offer -- if you were not, do you think you would have gone so long without even noticing this?" he asked, gently, but with an air of pride, giving Harken's chubby gut a bit of a shake. “You are every bit my knight, Harken, no matter what you choose here or further down the line.”

Harken opened his mouth to respond, but found that he had very little argument to make against his lord. Before, it would have taken no time at all for him to notice such a drastic change in his body, and he would have set about working the extra weight off as soon as he'd done so. But, living and serving in Pherae -- spending so much time with Elbert and Eleanora that had nothing to do with his service as a knight -- he'd come to love it, had stopped worrying every other minute about what might go wrong, and had allowed himself to be happy. He couldn’t deny that Elbert was right, even if he wasn’t quite sure where to go with this revelation.

“...If you are pleased by my happiness, then that, too, makes me happy,” Harken said instead, words soft and tinged with uncertainty still, but hope clung at the edges as well. “What would you have your knight do to further please you, my lord?”

Elbert grinned at the response. “I’m quite glad you asked…”

[marshmallowgoop]

(Part 1 of 2) Controversial? Oh, no. I forgot tone is hard to discern on the Internet. I wasn't angry, just puzzled. I think I thought this way because my admiration of Satsuki's character (after the reveal of her noble motives) made me gloss over the finer details of her cruel, villainous behavior. Furthermore, her smile here seems related to how she seemed happy to have tea with him later in the episode, a reversal of how cold and distant she was earlier.

(Part 2 of 2) As for “pain”, who knows if the process was super painful? Iori could have used anesthesia. Still, it’s very disturbing for just how extreme it was. You relating it to your fanfic moment was a good choice to illustrate this point.

Anonymous asks: Honestly, the Uzu thing seems to be a deeply polarizing thing! I’ve never read it as Satsuki forcing Uzu to blind himself implicitly or explicitly through her influence. From him meeting her, her lunge with the teacup handle, she was assessing him and his response disappointed her given that she didn’t come to watch. And he understood what she had seen in him that night and his overreliance on his uniform’s abilities led him to blind himself for the sake of the plan. I argue for his agency in this instance and for Satsuki’s reaction to be a complex one that included a pleased sort of surprise at the forthrightness, ingenuity, resolve in his rededication to the cause he displayed. Even when I believed she was a villain this is how I read it, especially considering that this is one of our first glimpses into the incomprehensibility of the cast but also that her quiet affection for those closest to her. Her reaction isn’t perfect yes but arguably she’s emotionally fucked up as well.

I’m enjoying this discussion by the way. I hope it comes across that I’m not looking for an argument!

I should note that I didn’t mean “controversial” in a bad way!

I was just surprised, is all. My first post discussing the Uzu incident is probably one of my more popular essays, and I hadn’t received any disagreement for my argument before. So, to see multiple comments understanding the scene differently now was just not something I was expecting. 

I mean, I have plenty of Kill la Kill opinions that I know are controversial, and I’ve even noted in the past that I could respond to most anything said about the series with an image that reads, “I’ve written—or can link to—lengthy rebuttals” because I recognize that a lot of my thoughts on the show really aren’t widely held. I just didn’t realize that my Uzu statement was one of those thoughts!

But I don’t at all mind disagreement! In fact, I’m often kinda sad that I don’t see folks disagreeing with me much. I enjoy listening to what others have to say about things I like.

I do apologize if I came off as snappy in my response, though. It doesn’t excuse coming off as angry if I did, but it really wasn’t my intention to sound mad; I’m just very passionate ^^; I’ll work to be better on that front.

Now, I do have a few more things to add here, and warning, it’ll get pretty personal. But, basically, I think the whole situation is a lot more complicated than I’ve probably expressed in my short posts.

So. I kind of relate to Uzu, in a way. Yeah, I’m not at all a delinquent like he is, but I totally get feeling like you’re not good enough for your family and are kind of a disgrace to them. While my family might not have a konnyaku shop for me to shame, they do have a history (on both sides!) of smart, educated people that I can dishonor by not being particularly intelligent—and I’ve felt over and over that I’ve done just that. Sure, I got a college degree, but that’s really expected here; after all, my grandfather earned a Master’s (and considering he was a black man doing so in my country decades and decades ago, I can only imagine how difficult that was), and my parents both graduated with degrees in engineering.

Growing up, I felt constantly pressured to be smart, and much like Uzu, I felt constantly compared to an older sibling. My mother even stated explicitly at a parent-teacher conference, right in front of me, that she thought I wasn’t as smart as my older sister. So, I put it upon myself to be smart. I took all these difficult honors classes in high school to look smart.

But at the end of the day? Those classes were too much for me. I was a miserable wreck. I really hurt myself.

Just like Uzu did.

So, here’s the point of this overly long anecdote. Satsuki and the other Elites, as well as Shiro, are another family for Uzu. And like many families, such as Uzu’s very own blood family, there’s pressure placed upon its members. I don’t deny that Uzu definitely made a choice to sew his eyes shut because he absolutely did, just as I definitely made a choice to sign up for classes that would be the cause of horrible emotional suffering in high school. Satsuki didn’t beat Uzu over the head to go and do something that drastic to get stronger, just as my parents didn’t force me to register for the hardest classes possible. We’re all responsible for our own actions, as Ryuko would say, and I dislike putting blame solely on someone else for decisions we made of our own free will.

Plus, there are a lot more factors at play, too. There are so many more reasons that Uzu would want to be strong than to please Satsuki and the others, just as there was a lot more influencing my desire to be smart than my family.

But I think it’s undeniable that family is extremely significant. Would Uzu have been so driven to do what he did, had he not been following a leader who absolutely does not tolerate failure? Who calls him “pathetic” and insults him even when Soroi is the only one watching—and even when his self-confidence has already been bruised and his image marred?

Satsuki: I’ve no time for losers, Sanageyama.

Satsuki: Pathetic.

In another situation, Ira nearly killed himself when he lost to Ryuko and Senketsu in episode 9. That’s partly just how Gama is, but Satsuki’s leadership is most certainly encouraging that sort of behavior. Just look at how awful the scene I posted above is! If losing brings you that, I mean….

In any case, I argued in my other posts that Satsuki drove Uzu to sew his eyes shut, and that’s exactly what I’m getting at here. No, Satsuki didn’t make Uzu do anything, but just like how my childhood environment of a mother who frequently reminded me of how similar I was to a sister of hers who didn’t have the family smarts (and whom she considered to be about as intelligent as a bag of bricks) drove me to overly challenge myself in high school, Satsuki’s regime undoubtedly drove Uzu to be as strong as he possibly could be—no matter the costs.

But unlike my situation, I feel that Uzu’s was manipulative. My parents didn’t just say nothing as I threw myself into something I couldn’t handle. They actively told me not to take those difficult classes. But Satsuki? She knew Uzu was 100% going to lose, and she lets him go make a total fool of himself anyway. Compare this to Ryuko and Senketsu in episode 3, where Senketsu is still a pretty robotic, unemotional baby, but he still tells Ryuko straight out, “Hey, we’re probably not gonna win this thing.” He lets her know exactly what she’s getting into.

Senketsu: Ryuko, I feel I should warn you. Your opponent is more powerful than you are.

Satsuki doesn’t let Uzu know exactly what he’s getting into, though. And that’s because she doesn’t really want to. When Uzu loses, she’s well aware that he’ll do whatever he can to to be worthy of fighting in her war again. And that’s exactly what Satsuki wants: good, useful tools for her battle.

Now, of course, Uzu, like Ryuko in episode 3 and like myself, probably would have just done whatever he wanted no matter what anyone else had to say about it. I bet he totally would have challenged Ryuko to a duel without Satsuki’s blessing. But I think there’s definitely a level of manipulation here that’s not present in Ryuko’s situation or mine, and Satsuki even admits to using such tactics later. She purposely led Ryuko to believe that she killed Ryuko’s father in order to push Ryuko to be stronger, and, in the same way, she purposely allows Uzu to fight a doomed fight to push him to be stronger. It’s… kind of cold.

And while I’m here with the Ryuko and Senketsu comparisons, there’s actually something quite interesting about the placement of the Satsuki-sees-that-Uzu-sewed-his-eyes-shut scene. As it turns out, the moment plays directly after Ryuko irons Senketsu in an interaction so sweet that this adorable music box variation of “Before my body is dry” serves as the background music (starting at around 1:08 here).

And… the two scenes are actually kind of similar?

In both cases, a character had inflicted pain on themselves to be stronger. Senketsu let himself be torn up so that he and Ryuko could win against Uzu, and Uzu sewed his eyes shut so that he wouldn’t be overreliant on his sight in battle. 

But Ryuko and Satsuki have wildly different reactions to their friends getting hurt. Just compare Ryuko’s troubled expression and “sorry about that” to Satsuki’s smile:

When Ryuko realizes that her method was a painful experience for Senketsu, she’s hurt and regretful, and she later apologizes to Senketsu before attempting the tactic again.

Ryuko: Sorry about this, Senketsu.

In contrast, when Satsuki realizes the drastic decision Uzu made to be stronger, she’s impressed and pleased and doesn’t seem at all concerned with how painful—both physically and emotionally!—the procedure had to be for him. 

The fact that these two similar scenes are presented one after another only serves to highlight the coldness and cruelty of Satsuki’s rule. She’s not at all behaving as a friend would with Uzu, as Ryuko does with Senketsu. And while the pain both boys endured was arguably very much worth it—after all, Senketsu even states directly that he wouldn’t have been able to enjoy that moment with Ryuko if he didn’t get hurt, and Uzu becomes leagues more powerful and learns an important lesson in humility for his actions—Ryuko is notably affected by the costs of their good outcome in a way that Satsuki really, really isn’t with Uzu.

So. This all got super out of hand for what I was (seriously!) intending to be a short response, but the gist is that, personally, I find Satsuki’s actions in the episode to be… not the nicest. I’m not saying that her reaction is outlandish given her situation—it’s really, really not—and I’m not even saying that Satsuki doesn’t care about Uzu. She does! Heck, Uzu himself seems to recognize as much in the episode when he points out that Satsuki had to be holding back when she attacked him (which implies that she doesn’t truly want to hurt him).

Uzu: I assume you were holding back.

I am making some assumptions in my analysis; I do believe that the sewing had to be physically painful, and I also feel it’s emotionally painful in that Uzu is literally blinding himself and making it impossible for him to enjoy things he used to (such as drinking tea, which becomes too much for him after the procedure). But no matter how painful Uzu’s situation, it definitely is drastic and extreme, and Satsuki’s reaction to it comes off as unfitting from a friend.

Which I think is sad! Satsuki values and loves Uzu. She doesn’t want harm to come his way. And yet, she drove him—at least on some level—to sew his eyes shut. 

And all she can do is smile.

[dillydedalus]

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5 

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me. 

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse

[comicteaparty]

July 1st-July 7th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from July 1st, 2019 to July 7th, 2019.  The chat focused on Obelisk by Ashley McCammon.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Obelisk by Ashley McCammon~! (http://www.obeliskcomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until July 7th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Why do you think Evelyn isn’t fond of David’s new fiancee? As the wedding approaches, how do you think David’s changing life status will affect Evelyn? Further, how will it affect her relationship with David?

Eilidh

My favourite scene is... Many of them But one that sticks out is just the one after David reveals he's marrying Alice when Eve says to herself "Your brother is getting married. And what are you doing...?" With her expression on the last panel it just... It conveys the feeling of being queer and feeling different so well to me, just by the dialogue and expression. I can recognise how she feels and I know I've felt that way in the past, and that's good storytelling.

Eilidh

As for why Eve doesn't like Alice... have to think about that. But I get the feeling it's related to her having been the big sister and looking after him for a long time, and now that's changing (another feeling I can indirectly relate to) and she's not sure how to deal with that big a change? And Alice could be seen as the cause of that

draculing

My own favorite scene is probably the whole end of chapter 1... finally being able to give people a peek into Margot's private world but I made all of them so I have a bias

Eilidh

That's definitely a very good scene

I just... Eve's quiet panic about normality just really hit me as something I've not really seen so well shown

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What do you think Evelyn’s father was up to regarding the properties with missing documents? Is it just Margot’s property, or do you think there are more out there? How could this come back to help or hurt Evelyn?

Zidely

I'm kind of like David a lot. Perhaps because is the litle brother, but also the his personality, linda bubbly to me. And Evelyn of course! A modern woman indeed.

Absolutepsycho

At the moment it is hard because it's between Eve and Margot. For Eve it's really understanding where she is coming from especially dealing with all levels of grief ( loosing a parent, her only blood family getting married) on top of recognizing and being herself through her queerness. ( i hope that makes sense). I also understand the anxiety of like figuring it all out as an adult and having it together.

As for Margot it is really the representation piece cause i love spooky things and it is so refreshing seeing someone who looks like me or i can relate to take on a spooky role. In addition, someone who is self assured and confident and doing her thing. I love Margot for bringing that forward.

As for q 4. I really think her dad was working with all sorts of people ( supernatural included). he could of just been helping out people who couldn't afford properties and who knows maybe be someone's familiar and we don't know that yet. But I am pretty sure there are other properties out there that fall under the vampire category. Margot can't be the only Vampire in all of NYC, but ultimately I think it can both help and hurt Evelyn. As with any decision especially in a horror sense it can be in a grey area.

It can help her build resources and allyship but it can also be a downfall because one wrong move and it could lead to a disaster or even her demise

Attila Polyák

Let's see... Favourite scene. That's without a doubt when we're entering a vampire's lair shop. Even if that place was not related to a vampire, it's still brimming with the mysterious, so it's a place I'd like to see more of. I might be really off with relationships and all, but I kinda feel like Eve's major problem with Alice is that the marriage will also mean the end of her Big Sister status, which is mostly what her life seemed to be since their father, based on the flashback, sees to be someone who chose work over family. Donno... I'm probably off here.

Attila Polyák

Also favourite character: Pete. No bullshit, just getting things done. On one hand I'd like to see him moved by some supernatural stuff happening, on the other I totally expect him to be like "Been there seen that, nothing special." which I totally expect to be the case since he does have a connection to Eve's father and all... And then talking about her father. I'm pretty sure he dealt with the supernatural a lot and that's also the reason why some documents are missing. When supernatural events happen in a story it's often being intentionally kept hidden from the general public, as a matter of fact I have a sneaking suspicion that his work was directly connected to keeping all sorts of magical being within human society but still under cover. I think something might have gotten awray while dealing with either Margot or some other vampire he was dealing with before he died.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What do you think brings Margot to Evelyn’s town? Is it just a typical move, or do you think Margot is there for a specific reason? Further, what might Margot’s status as a vampire have to do with anything?

Eilidh

Illustration: the last page of chapter 1. So striking, the way Margot's hair isn't distinguished from the shadow is just mmm it's good

As for why she's moved.... She doesn't seem like the type to start and army of the night, so maybe it's just easier to hide in a big city. And the more people there are, the less obvious it is when they start dying

Favourite character... Dean. Mostly due to word of god information such as his dream is to run a bakery which I support wholeheartedly, he deserves it

Eilidh

And I think there's definitely more "missing" properties out there, I wouldn't be surprised if several of them belong to Margot (there's enough Dracula vibes going on after all) The supernatural lettings agent theory is pretty neat... I was personally thinking he's working mostly with normal human clients but somehow Margot got involved. Whether he was okay with this or got dragged into it, I'm looking forward to learning. But I definitely wouldn't be surprised if Margot had something to do with his death, and I definitely think his death is among the reasons Margot is now in NY.

I'd be inclined to say the missing properties are deliberate or the work of someone else since we're told that Eve's father was the organised one (like Eve is), so it seems less likely that someone with a reputation for keeping things in order would just lose a bunch of records. Then again, working with Margot or other supernatural clients might have started taking a toll... Who knows

Eilidh

That all said, he was involved with Peter Murphy who as well know, is no good

I'm just rereading some pages and I'm getting pretty certain that Peter Murphy is either well aware of what he's doing or doesn't care

Like... Margot knows Eve's father is dead, I know Eve mentions it but Margot knows him on first name terms and no one else has said his first name afaik, and she doesn't seem surprised at all. Someone had to have told her, and Peter is their "mutual associate"...

RebelVampire

@Eilidhan You definitely read that scene way differently than I did. I didn't get the impression that Margot knew, more that she just didn't care. I got more the impression that she's so used to being a vampire, some mortal dying isn't really that surprising or a big deal. But my point being I enjoy the alternate interpretation.

1) My favorite scene is the one when they enter the shop. This is largely due to the dramatic tone shift when Margot starts affecting Dean. Like both between the illustration work, the suddenness, and so forth, it really added this great horror vibe that put me on edge. <3 2) I think there's two things going on in terms of why Evelyn doesn't like Alice. Part of it I think is as everyone else said, it's kind of destroying Evelyn's role as a big sister, and nobody likes change all that much. The second thing I feel is going on is that maybe David just isn't that into Alice. Not to say he doesn't care, but for someone getting married he was immensely and overly casual about it. Like he was telling Evelyn he was getting the oil changed in his car. So while I don't think they have a toxic relationship, I kind of get the impression that their relationship lacks passion and David is with Alice for other reasons. Reasons that Evelyn knows and hates because of societal expectations. I don't think it'll have much affect for Evelyn though anytime soon, mostly cause she has vampires to deal with at the moment.

3) Dean, because Dean is a sweet boy who just wants to help his family. But then keeps meeting all these shady people. He's like an innocent blossom waiting for the innocence to be sucked dry from him. 4) I think Evelyn's father was straight up just helping supernatural people, mostly vampires, get properties under the table. Cause I imagine as a vampire even if you have money, you don't necessarily have identification or anything else that most realtors would want. So Evelyn's father took pity on them and helped them get some properties and kept law enforcement off them. Definitely do not think it's just Margot's property though. There are gonna be more properties an more vampires, probably also not just through Evelyn's dad. Inevitably, I feel Evelyn is gonna be in a lot of danger. Because Margot seems pretty ready to hurt Evelyn, or at least expose her to a world Evelyn is prepped for.

5) Definitely the page for the end of chapter 1. I really the bold usage of the red and the body language of the victim. There is something horrifying about it all together, which is definitely the mood I want to feel when vampires are involved. 6) I kind of think Margot's presence is just for the mundane reason of neeeding to move. Cause I can't imagine as a vampire you'd stay in one place too long, so moving around a lot is for the best. So it was just time for her to show up.

Attila Polyák

5, Favourite illustration. Hmmm... Margot's portrait image on the cast page, if you don't know why, just hover over it. ^^ 6, As boring as it sound I don't feel like there's anything special here. Needs to move once every while, since... You know... Being a vampire and not aging and all... Kinda' like in Man from Earth.

draculing

the hover animation on the cast page breaks very often because wordpress hates it, so I'm glad to know it works at least for some people ^^;

draculing

I love when people love Dean just because he's a sweetheart, and I will confirm the word of god Q&A thing that not everyone may have seen, that he does want to open a bakery one day

if only there weren't vampires happening

Eilidh

Okay so the hover animation has NEVER worked for me so I just turned off my adblock to check it and nearly jumped out of my skin(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What role do you think Dean will play in regards to Evelyn’s story? How will his brief encounter with Margot continue to affect him? Further, what do you make of Dean’s phone call with Angie who is estranged from the family? Why is Dean still helping her?

Eilidh

I really love Eve and her friends

They just have a really authentic feeling of trust and caring and I really enjoy it

draculing

Ooo an Angie question curious what everyone thinks

I really love including Eve's friend dynamics... making sure there's a sense of queer community/safety in a historical setting is really important to me as a creator

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. How do you think Evelyn feels about her place in life and the society she lives in? Do you get the impression she’s an outcast? Regardless, how do you think these feelings have and will continue to influence her actions?

Absolutepsycho

Eve and her friends has to be my favorite dynamic thus far alongside the one scene with her and Margot. It just sets the mood of how their dynamic is going to play out and and the interesting part about it is that it can go so many ways, which makes it great.

As for Dean I feel he will be a center or semi-center part to her story, for the sole fact he is somehow connected to Margot. I have this gut feeling Dean is going to become a familiar that didn't want to be one in the first place. As for his sister, I think Dean is trying to bring family peace or trying to bring her back because he gives off 'family guy' vibes and he is such a wholesome cinnamon roll. So of course he would want to mend things because he loves his family

to answer 9. Not sure if this counts but I would love to know how Vera, Bess, and Eve met since they are so close. Friendships and normalcy within horror contexts are probably one of my favorite themes

10. Evie I see that she feels like she belongs but at the same time she feels doesn't. We see that in the first few pages of ' oh what are you doing with your life?' It's more than the anxiety of figuring it out, but the fact her only remaining family is going to get married and while she could find a partner and do those things it isn't widely accepted or would be 'odd' cause she is queer. While queer folks thrived, in that era it wasn't as visible and Eve could be feeling that 'outcast' notion. While she has wonderful friends to support her and is very head strong those feelings are may influence her actions to work harder, which is good and bad.

RebelVampire

7) Honestly, this is gonna be a strange choice, but Evelyn and her dad's old co-workers. Cause this is just flat out a subject I never see explored. When people die, stories almost always focuses on close friends or family and how the death affected them. Yet, there are a slew more people affected that are never talked about. So the fact we get to see through Evelyn how her dad's co-workers are holding up in a business setting and learning about Evelyn's personality that way was really novel for me. 8) I feel like Dean is gonna be the one to raise red flags and say, "Hey Evelyn. Margot over there is a vampire or something. Maybe lets not and just hide." Cause Dean strikes me more as the type to be the voice of reason in the face of things that scare him, compared to Evelyn at least. Thus he will be a grounding force in her story to kind of spell out the dangers for both her and the reader. As for Angie, I assume she did something culturally and societally unacceptble. Like fell in love with someone the family didn't like. Got knocked up as a teen, etc. etc. As for why Dean is helping her, probably he just has a more modern and progressive viewpoint than his parents (for the historical time at least). Which is generally how life works and society progresses. So instead of being mad, he just says whatever man this is

9) I really love the use of red in general in this comic. It's always used in such a bold way that really stands out. Plus, nothing like having a mostly black and white comic show some red blood. Drives that terrifying nail right into the soul. 10) I feel like Evelyn exists in this weird purgatory of belonging and not belonging. Since it's obvious she stands out in certain ways for the society, yet I think most people wouldn't think anything of it without getting to know her. But regardless, I think that makes her feel lost. But also helpless, cause I feel like she also has no clue how to address these feelings emotionally. Thus just buries it in other concerns so she doesn't have to confront her own personal feelings or consider the future or anything like that. As such, I kind of think this will be a driving force as the story continues. As she takes risks and does other things, just so long as she has some escape from having to think about the question of what she's doing with her life.

draculing

Eve definitely sits in that kind of in-between space! for a woman in the 1900s she fits quite a few kind of stereotypes appearance-wise, too, which.. adds another little layer to things

Burying your problems in work, and other tales as old as time

Attila Polyák

7, I'm a bit thorn on this, either Eve and her friends or Eve and her father's co-workers. I'm leaning towards the latter, but I'm not really sure why, I can't really express what I liked about their little banter, but I was quite fond of those pages. 8, Dean is probably going to be fairly important later on and for several reasons. First he kinda has become intertwined with the evens because of Margot, but even if that wasn't the case his interactions with Eve and the fact that he's the only connection she can reach that has anything to do with the house with no documents are more than enough reason for him to be around plotwise. Aaand since he and Pete moved stuff there and the entire situation gave him the creeps and kinda legit suspicions, this looks like the perfect situation for him to intentionally or not, push Eve into a direction where she'll be more interested in the supernatural. And I totally expect that she will some way pull him alongside herself while plunging into supernatural business, a bit like an unwilling sidekick.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you believe that Margot and Evelyn will meet again? If so, whose terms will it be on? If they do meet, do you think Evelyn will be safe, or will Margot aim to harm her in some way to keep secrets hidden away?

draculing

What if they never met again...

Eilidh

They'll definitely meet again, I think it'll be on Margot's terms (after her "she wouldn't just forget it, would she?" comment, a bit ominous)

Absolutepsycho

11. The strengths that this comic possesses is telling a fantastic story through a historical, horror, and queer lens. Mixing genres' is a challenge, but the story seems to balance them all so well that it continues to pull it's audience back in.

12. Oh they are for sure going to meet again, because Evelyn is trying to piece things again and while Miss Margot was not to friendly Evelyn is persistent to get the information and her work done correctly. As for her doing that no doubt Margot will grow annoyed at her and may plot to attack her or set up plan 'kill her' because secrets are meant to be kept as secrets. However, if she does make a plan i feel it will ultimately may fail, because maybe an agreement will be made. We will see(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Overall, what obstacles do you foresee Evelyn having to face in the future? Given the comic is classified as a romance, what do you see in regards to Evelyn’s future prospects (if any)? What other things do you hope to see as the story continues?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's most abundant strength is tone shifting. Like one minute you're just in a quirky in silly scene but then whoops, serious emotional drama or terror or something else. Be able to pull off sudden tone shifts like that is extremely hard, especially in the face of trying to make something seem like a consistent story. Yet this comic pulls it off spectacularly because of the story context and the balance between the tones used. 12) I mean Margot seems bent on hunting Evelyn so umm, yes. And it will definitely be on Margot's terms. She'll be like "I want to apologize over totally not dangerous tea" and Evelyn will be curious and agree. I don't think Evelyn will be complete safe. I think it'll work out where Evelyn will leave in tact cause conscience will stop Margot, but I don't think Margot will let the issues drop so quickly.

13) I am looking forward to seeing Margot for because I'd like to get to know her more. Like right now we see suave and spook vampire, but I'd like to see the more vulnerable and, for lack of a better word, human sides that must exist within her. 14) Obstacles wise, I think I've mentioned it several times, but I do believe Evelyn is gonna get pulled into more supernatural danger. And part of it is just going to be because of her own desires to avoid her problems using distractions. However, I think she's gonna run into other problems too. Like maybe finding out she super really didn't know her father as well as she thought, maybe dealing with the fact businesses are not easy to maintain even with help. In the terms of hopes to see, I really hope we get to see Evelyn interact with the historical setting more, if that makes sense. Both in mundane and serious emotional drama ways.

draculing

aw man @RebelVampire I'm really happy to hear the tonal shifts work for you! I feel like horror (and really any story, but horror is sort of.. an extreme) really needs this.. sense of normalcy, almost boredom or banality to it. Characters need to have their boring, every-day "normal" in order for something abnormal/supernatural/frightening to really have impact later on

plus I love creating goofy little interpersonal moments in general :>

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Obelisk this week! Please also give a special thank you to Ashley McCammon for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Obelisk, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.obeliskcomic.com/

Ashley’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/obelisk

Ashley’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/draculing

Ashley’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/draculing

[stabigail]

11 questions meme

1tagged by @myrkks, tagging....... @pentaughast @ghoste-catte @beamkatanachronicles anyone who wants to ig :V

1. how would you describe your writing style or “voice” as a writer?

HONESTLY i still feel like i’m growing into my style, lol! and i often feel inconsistent, but i think part of that is a lack of confidence, still, forever #justwritingproblems. being more realistic, i would say that i tend to write from a very firm point of view and my narrators tend to be quite unreliable; i also tend to focus a lot on sensory details. generally i’m very much a stream of consciousness writer! it’s what i love 2 do.

2. do you prefer to write in first person, second person, or third person, and why? which tense do you prefer?

it depends on what i’m working on, and i definitely flip-flop some, but i almost always write in third person. for me, first person works really well for Very Unreliable Narrators who are trying to skew their story in a certain light, or for stories that are literally one person talking to other people. i love love love first person in podcasts! alice isn’t dead is probably my favorite podcast that utilizes first person, and i really love the depth of emotion that it conveys as a result, so i am more likely to us first person for projects like that.

generally, though, i struggle with first person because it limits narration in a way that i struggle with at times. second person kind of creeps me out as a writer because i feel like a soulbonder?? WHICH IS NOT A KNOCK ON SECOND PERSON, i think it makes for beautiful work, but it’s just not for me. so 3rd person limited is my favorite and has been for a while!

as for tense, i used to write exclusively in past tense but now i write exclusively in present tense and i couldn’t even tell you why. is it because the focus on the present makes for more dynamic writing? is it because i’m pretentious? is it both? likely.

3. what is one thing that inspires/motivates you as a writer these days?

oh man haha . . . spite . . . no not really, it’s a little spite but more feeling a lack and a motivation to fill it! my original work right now is based around a lot of feelings i have about both personal and global uncertainty, and while it isn’t a political piece at all, i’ve definitely found motivation to explore topics that i wish were easier to talk about. when it comes to fandom stuff, it’s usually “i love this pairing, but i never see work for it” or “i love this pairing, but i wish there was more diversity of work around it,” because i like filling gaps and also just always fall for pairings few other people care about. i’m also deeply motivated to write character exploration pieces for fandom because holy shit, nothing makes me happier than picking apart a character’s motivations and rearranging them in a new form. i’m the sylar of other people’s characters.

that being said, sometimes my motivation is “why are there only like 2 smut fics of this lesbian pairing and 238974293874 of this pairing of 2 dudes” and that is spite and i’m not sorry for it.

4. what is one of your strengths as a writer?

uhh,,,, i think i have a good attention to detail? is that a cop-out answer? maybe. i have a good grasp of figurative language, i think, and i actually am quite proud of that now that i think about it. i used to write super purple prose, and through the past few years i’ve been able to really neaten my writing up so that it’s . . . still flowery! always will be! not sorry! but it’s not overbearingly so, and the figurative language i use enhances the story rather than drowning it. shoutout to @pentaughast who has been writing with me for like five years and giving me feedback until my writing stopped being a horrible disaster thicket of metaphors, you’re a pal.

5. what is something you’d like to improve about your writing?

(rolls out scroll)

no but seriously: my number one thing to improve right now is learning to stop editing while i write. every writer is their own worst critic, but i will literally write half a sentence and then go back and change the whole thing, because i’m convinced that everything has to be Perfect the First Time. which is in fact a microcosm of my entire personality. so, anne, don’t edit while you write! also, your first draft is not your final draft! i don’t feel a need to just barf out a certain number of words per writing session, but i do think it’ll benefit me to have momentum and iron out kinks later.

6. what is one genre you enjoy writing in, and why?

hmmm this is interesting because genre is such a broad and subjective thing. that said: urban fantasy is and has always been my jam! i wouldn’t say i’m particularly good at it simply because 1) it is a super vague genre with few hard and fast rules, so i’m not sure how much of my stuff is urban fantasy even, and 2) i’ve been struggling a lot with writing original stuff over the past few years, which is where i have written urban fantasy stuff in the past.

overall i enjoy writing in fantasy or fantasy/sci-fi most of all genres, but never high fantasy because it causes me physical agony. aspects of f/sf i like a lot are basically f/sf as a mirror to our world or otherwise connected to our world (without necessarily using f/sf components as a substitution for actual discussion of oppression cuz, nah,) as well as f/sf as satire, that is my FAVE. discworld (t. pratchett) was the first fantasy series i really locked onto and it was v formative, obviously; also gaiman, stiefvater, jemisin. this question was not about my influences but too bad here they are!!!!!!!!!!

7. what would be the biggest compliment someone could give you about your writing?

the biggest, biggest compliment would be: while i was reading this, i forgot the world existed. because that has always been the biggest thing for me as a reader! the way reading can just take you somewhere, so no matter how shitty things might be in your actual situation, you can just take a break from that and follow bilbo around, or whatever. another really excellent compliment that i actually have gotten (both in writing fic and rp) is “i can hear their voice,” either in narration or dialogue. that’s huge! and it makes me really happy to hear. basically i would love for my writing to be an immersive experience for people, and that’s what i’m always striving to improve.

8. what is one piece of advice you’d give someone experiencing writer’s block or feeling stuck with their writing?

READ

idk, for me, fighting my writer’s block literally does not work. just staring at a piece of paper or a computer screen makes me upset and frustrated. reading, though, is both enjoyable and relatively passive; you don’t have to come up with ideas, you just have to take in someone else’s. as a writer, too, you can read both as an audience member and as a fellow writer observing. what does this author do that works or doesn’t? how does this style work in this context where it might not in another? how does it relate to your style? etc.

more generally, do something nice for yourself cuz sometimes that will boost your creative spirit. self-care is huge!

9. what is one piece of advice you wish someone had given you when you started writing?

lskdjfskld uh . . . don’t follow any of the advice people give you because most of it either only works for specific people or is entirely bullshit? i suppose more specifically i wish someone had been more supportive of fantasy/sci-fi as a legitimate genre with meaning, although of course that is a societal view rather than a specific one that surrounded me as a kid. it’s shitty, though, because until fairly recently i viewed the type of writing i enjoyed as “less than”/less meaningful than like, i don’t know, anything written by racist old dead white guys.

also, young adult fiction is fucking valid and doesn’t make you a less “serious” writer. i, a Fucking Grown Up, am still most captivated by YA fiction because there are fewer restrictions on it and writers tend to experiment more and, most importantly, because stories about transformation and trying to figure out who you are will never not be compelling.

10. what is a common piece of writing advice you disagree with, and why?

rubs hands together

one: write what you know. what the fuck is that, i want to know who came up with it because fuck? you??? definitely it’s fine to write about things that you have a personal perspective about, or to write in a way that reflects your worldview or emotions or whatever. but write what you know is literally the stupidest, most limiting garbage, and i have met so many grown ass adults who believe in it so strongly. curse that mess.

two: you must construct x type of work in y format following z formula. a lot of times this is really great and works well for people, but other times it can be, again, really limiting. beginning-middle-end is great, but even that can be inappropriate for certain stories, depending on what they are? for me, strictly following writing formulas made me overly focused on “”accuracy”” and less focused on writing what i enjoyed.

three: this one isn’t quite as cut and dry as the previous two, but: write protagonists that people can relate to. here’s the thing: i feel like this often gets translated to “protagonists that are charmingly aware of their own assholeishness, totally perfect and always right, or bland,” and it’s kind of a shitty trap to fall into? this is another reason i love unreliable narrators, bcause you can have that nuance and imperfection without the entire story being about how shitty the character is. their imperfection is part of the story and perhaps even a driving force, but they aren’t just sort of a paper cutout used to drive the story along. hello i’m anne and i struggle writing protagonists.

11. what writing projects are you working on these days?

excited buzzing. a couple! i am really shy about talking about original stuff, but i am working on scripts for (tentatively) a podcast about a very apathetic and cynical gal who is one of a very few survivors of a series of natural disasters and also may?be the one who made them happen. Whoopsie.

fanfiction-wise, i am working on finishing . . . christ on a raft let me count. four! one-shots. there’s a fifth one that i wrote 10k words of in like 2015 and still haven’t finished and i don’t know if i’ll trash it or not lol. regardless, i am working on those! there is a fic that i started working on a while back that was meant to be a multi-chapter fic called reverse about giorno tripping into vampirism and fugo having 0 idea what to do about it; i’ve let it dangle for ages, but i am slowly fleshing out the plot again and getting it going. i’m very excited to do this! i love giorno having to figure out how to vampire and i love fugio.

finally, @relares and i are starting to work on a reset fugiomis fic which, weeps into tea, will kill us both.

[skyland-logos]

Zodiacs; The Follow Up

This is the continuation for my previous post about the sides. Their Zodiacs.

In the last post, I finished it off by saying the following;

Patton; Libra

Roman; Leo

Logan; Capricorn

Virgil; Virgo

Now, I am going to talk about how these seem to fit the best, for me, with the sides. Let’s start off with Patton and go down the list that way.

I see Patton as a Libra because I have a friend who acts like a real-life Patton that is a Libra and references off of a few websites I researched off of. Libras love balance and peace.

They try to avoid any conflict and want balance in their lives. He apologizes to Thomas when he realizes that he and Logan were talking over each other and making it hard for him to make decisions. Always tries to help out whenever Thomas is having a dilemma and tries his best to add in what he can.

“ Libra signs can sometimes seem wishy-washy when they are asked to make a decision” which makes them seem like they’re absent-minded or lazy, but in the end their decision will benefit most people. Yet, a “Libra representative has to be careful when talking to other people, for when they are forced to decide about something that is coming their way, or to choose sides, they suddenly realize that they might be in the wrong place and surrounded by wrong people”. He somewhat freaks out under pressure when he is told to do something and slowly follows along because he usually follows his heart, so when he is told something to do, it slowly goes through him to do it

They only really seem unhappy when they are treated unfairly because of their likeliness of fairness. I see this more when he gets left out and joins back in randomly which happens a few times (”potato” and patty-cake with Valerie) where he just kind of does what he wants. 

 “Libra are often self-sacrificing for the good of the team or the family”. He keeps his own emotions, besides happiness, inside for the sake of everyone else and to keep them happy. Cares more for the others more than himself.

They also like to have a say in things, but don’t want to be in charge. This is what Patton do a lot of the time when he and Logan fight or when he joins bantering between the others. He mostly puts small inputs of his own thoughts into the group conversations.

They can be;  “Cooperative, diplomatic, gracious, fair-minded, social”, but they can also; “Indecisive, avoids confrontations, self-pity”. I think you can kind of see these in his personality a lot more since they are the strengths and weaknesses.

Next is Roman;

I see Roman as a Leo but there are other zodiacs that you could pick that would work for him.

“Leo likes the big picture, not the small details and fine print. Things that are too complicated, involved, or boring, they have no patience for.” He tends to push the others ideas out of the way when ever they are long and boring, but when he has the reigns on the project or dilemma, he usually tries to face the big picture than the smaller problems. 

“Leos, not unlike the lion of a pride, need to be adored. If they are ignored or go unrecognized for some contribution they will feel hurt. All Leos like to know that they have been seen and appreciated.” Hint to “Not talk about me?” and when he complains that he wasn’t in the latest video.

“They are dramatic, creative, self-confident, dominant and extremely difficult to resist, able to achieve anything they want to in any area of life they commit to.” Roman is very much so dramatic, creative and self-confident like Leos are and he tries to help Thomas so he can achieve his goals in life that he commits to.

“They are natural leaders and don’t often do well in situations where they have to take orders from others.”  “Able to use their mind to solve even the most difficult problems, they will easily take initiative in resolving various complicated situations.” “Self-confident and attractive, this is a Sun sign capable of uniting different groups of people and leading them as one towards a shared cause, and their healthy sense of humor makes collaboration with other people even easier.” He does try to help the group by finding out new ideas and different ways to go about a dilemma. He also has a great sense of humor, if you do find his name calling as humor, plus he also likes Patton’s jokes.

“They are in search for self-awareness and in constant growth of ego.” “As for love, I’m in between princes and princesses, I am on a solo quest to save...myself.”

Thirdly, Logan;

I changed up Logan’s a few times since he was hard to find one for, yet he seems more like a Capricorn.

“They are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time.” “Highly intellectual, good with numbers and analysis, this sign is not often loud, but they are most definitely the muscle and the power behind the very successful machine.” “Capricorns are the superheroes when It comes to making realistic, logical decisions. Their ability to cut through the red tape and see the bottom line is what makes them a real asset to any relationship or occupation where teamwork is valued.” You can view “Losing My Motivation” for that where it does show all of these ideas in his personality.

“Capricorn people are the type that are goal oriented and driven to succeed despite all odds.” “They will work long and hard hours toward a purposeful goal. Achievement is everything to a Capricorn.” He tried to do these things in “MOVING ON, Part 1/2″ where he is mostly goal driven to figure out the best way to help Thomas move on. He also does this in “Losing My Motivation” and “The MIND VS. The HEART!”. 

“Unfortunately, this element also makes them stiff and sometimes too stubborn to move from one perspective or point in a relationship.” “Its influence makes these people practical and responsible, but also cold, distant and unforgiving...” He shows his stiff/stubbornness in “The MIND VS. The HEART!” when he tells Morality that, from a logical standpoint, he is fine though Morality says not to speak over Thomas, but continues to banter with him over this. Also, from the outlook of him, he seems cold and distant because he isn’t a feeling.

“For this reason they tend to take life very seriously and are not tolerant of those who do not.“ He seems to not like Roman and Patton’s outlooks on life because they are dream/fantasy-like shown in “Growing Up” and “Alone on VALENTINE’S DAY!”.

“They are natural born leaders, politicians, mathematicians, and diplomats. Capricorn people tend to guard their hearts closely and well. To get close to a Capricorn may take some time, but once achieved, well worth it.” “Because they are so dedicated to the big picture and the minute details, they can seem dull to others, who don’t understand the active internal nature of the Capricorn. While seeming almost emotionless on the surface, the Capricorn’s mind is always running on overdrive” Shown in “MOVING ON” parts one and two it shows all of these things that are told above. He gives Patton a new jacket since they have slowly become closer and he seemed emotionless to the others while he was actually running over things quickly to try and help Thomas’s loss

“Capricorn have a dry sense of humor and their sarcastic wit is only appreciated by those who find humor everywhere.” “-Because you’re an airhead” “-You  malodorous scent-urion,oh!”

“Often they can be the less imaginative of the signs and refuse to face the facts about a situation because it would signal that they were wrong about something (which they hate).” “They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience and expertise.” Roman: Yes, You were completely right! Logan: I know. Roman: meaning you were right about initially being wrong. Logan: *sterner* I know. 

Finally, Virgil;

It was hard to figure out Virgil’s too! Yet, I found that Virgo fits him pretty well and...Virgil...Virgo. Pretty similar words.

“Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac.” “Constantly worried that they missed a detail that will be impossible to fix, they can get stuck in details, becoming overly critical and concerned about matters that nobody else seems to care much about.” “Virgo people are mild mannered on the surface, but underneath there is a flurry of activity. Their minds are never quiet; always thinking, calculating, assessing.” “They loves making something out of nothing.” This is what Anxiety mainly can be, an overthinking/worry in your mind that makes small things big. Virgil does that to Thomas a lot when he makes mistakes, going to parties, unstable sides, or sometimes...whenever. Remember “My NEGATIVE Thinking” and “Taking on ANXIETY”.

“This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express, but because they won’t accept their feelings as valid, true, or even relevant when opposed to reason”. This seems the case when Virgil’s character was finally fully developed. He was often misunderstood as “The bad guy”. He was pointed out for many problems due to him causing Thomas anxiety. That’s why he hopped out of the group in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY”. He didn’t want himself to bother or get in the way of the sides and Thomas anymore. 

“This sign would do well to carefully consider the situation and the task before agreeing to take it on.” “Virgil: I've got a bad feeling about this Thomas;I've got a bad feeling about everything that's why we're doing this” he is usually forced into situations before he can agree on it because Thomas and some of the sides choose to just press on without giving Virgil a thought on how he’s feeling besides Logan, and sometimes he, too, also does that.

“They do not tend to be loud or bossy, but are brilliant strategists and an asset to any team.” In “Losing My Motivation”, he helps out Logan by giving him some ideas about who the culprit is. He can be very essential to the team when they aren’t forgetting about him and teasing him.

“They are not loud ‘look at me’ signs, but rather prefer to be the strong, silent type.” This shows up in “The Sanders Sides 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!” where they go to sing and he doesn’t want to while his fight or flight acts up. Along with that, he thinks his gift for Patton is dump because its not as amazing as everyone else, yet it still has a nice compliment in it. (A misleading compliment)

“Virgo are opinionated and have no problem sharing their opinions, even when they should not.” Think of “My NEGATIVE Thinking”, “Am I ORIGINAL?”, “A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!! “, and a lot of other videos because he is one source of Thomas’s reasoning.

Now, that’s my own opinion on why they are those zodiacs personality wise not by date, so if you needed references for a fic or an idea for their personalities, I hope this helped. That’s all folks! Thanks for reading! This took longer than expected.

references are here and here.

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

How to Hook a Reader:   Ten Examples of Great Opening Lines in Literature, and What They Do Right.

1.  “Lydia is dead.  But they don’t know this yet.” 

- “Everything I Never Told You,” by Celeste Ng.

Ng’s masterpiece (which you all need to read, like, yesterday by the way) seamlessly pulls the reader under with this captivatingly cryptic opening line.  

She poses several questions right off the bat (who is Lydia?  Why is she dead?  Who killed her?) that keep the reader captivated for the entirety of the novel.  

Of course, Ng is aided in keeping the reader hooked with her immaculately crafted, three-dimensional characters, with all of whom the reader can’t help but empathize by the story’s end, but this doesn’t make her opening line any less masterful.  She is, in all ways, an amazing writer.     

2.  “There was a boy called Eustace Clarance Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.” 

- “Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” by C.S. Lewis.

Okay, first of all, I’d like to point out the substantial irony in a person named Clive Staples Lewis critiquing anyone else’s name.  But that by no regard diminishes the comedic brilliance of this line.  

Even if I hadn’t been such a Narnia fanatic as a child, this line alone would have made me want to become one.  Sometimes, all you really need to do is make the audience laugh with a well-crafted joke.  

3.  “All this happened, more or less.” 

- “Slaughterhouse-Five,” Kurt Vonnegut. 

Who doesn’t love Vonnegut?  Well, I might not be the most impartial person to ask about this.  His absurdist sense of humor taps into something visceral in me. 

Nevertheless, there’s something about this line that has a near universal appeal:  it shows that the author is self aware enough not to take his work too seriously, and also shows that the work should be a lot of fun.  There’s also a familial quality about it, like listening to a tall tail from a favorite relative, and creates a sense of personability that remains prevalent throughout the novel.

4.  “Call me Ishmael.  Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world." 

- “Moby Dick,” by Herman Melville. 

I wanted to skip this one, I really did, if only because it’s so unanimously acknowledged as one of the best opening lines in literature.  But it really is amazing.  

It creates an immediate sense of conversation between narrator and reader, without being overly personable.  Ishmael cuts right to the chase, and plunges us immediately in to the story at hand, like a harpoon into the blubbery flank of a wale.

Also, in context of the dramatic events of the story, I can’t help but find his casual attitude about the ordeal very amusing. 

5.  “If you’re reading this on a screen, fuck off.  I’ll only talk if I’m gripped with both hands.” 

- “Book of Numbers,” by Joshua Cohen.

This is a book that knows what it wants and is not afraid to ask for it.  Cohen’s book is meta fiction at its finest, and its opening line is unabashedly reflective of its own self-awareness.

Book of Numbers isn’t for everybody, but it’s hard not to love this opening line.

6.  "It was a nice day. All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn't been invented yet. But clouds massing east of Eden suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way, and it was going to be a big one."

- “Good Omens,” by Neil Gaiman and Terri Pratchett. 

I’m not going to lie: Good Omens is one of my all-time favorite books.  This opening line is a promise for the themes that are prevalent throughout the book:  hidden depth, wit, and existential questions beneath a thick layer of upbeat, cheerful irreverence and satire.  

Like the book itself, it asks serious questions without ever taking itself too seriously, and makes for an enormously fun read that will make you laugh and make you think.  I highly recommend it.

7.   “I am an invisible man. No, I am not a spook like those who haunted Edgar Allan Poe; nor am I one of your Hollywood-movie ectoplasms. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids—and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. Like the bodiless heads you see sometimes in circus sideshows, it is as though I have been surrounded by mirrors of hard, distorting glass. When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination—indeed, everything and anything except me.”

- “Invisible Man,” by Ralph Ellison. 

This one is both an objectively intriguing opening line, and a potent one, when viewed in the context that Ellison himself was a Black man.  Published in 1952, the line resonates with marginalized groups to this very day, and is evocative of a very real struggle -- the “invisibility” -- of Black Americans, then and now.

It is timelessly pertinent and powerful.  

8.   “The story so far:  In the beginning the Universe was created.  This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

- “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe,” by Douglas Adams. 

Oh, Douglas Adams.  One of my greatest sources of literary inspiration, who taps into my sense of dry, somewhat absurdist humor like no other.  I might have to make another post devoted to all of my favorite of his lines, but that’s not the point here. 

This line is magnificent, because it immediately sets the tone for the novel and gives the reader a clear image of what to expect (predominantly, razor-sharp wit and satire.)  It’s also short and simplistic, and very clearly doesn’t take itself too seriously, just like the novel itself.  

9.  “Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough and looked don't-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.”

- “American Gods,” by Neil Gaiman. 

This line is, in my opinion, almost perfect.  It gives us an immediate image of Shadow, his personality, his values, and the challenges he’s facing, while at the same time jumping right into the action of the story without wasting the readers’ time with needless exhibitionism.  

It also creates immediate interest in the story, and asks many questions that can only be answered if by continuing to read it.  It’s almost as amazing as the book itself.

10.   "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

- “Pride and Prejudice,” by Jane Austen.

This is another one that I, for the sheer purpose of originality, wanted to avoid getting around for the purpose of this list, but there’s simply no avoiding it:  this line is amazing.  It’s a crime of our era that people consider Austen such a “serious” writer, when she was, in fact, possibly the greatest satirist of her time.  

This line encapsulates the irreverence of this novel, as well as Austen’s razor-sharp wit and intelligence.  Like most of Austen’s works, it remains a classic.

[bclifecoach-blog]

How to Remove Toxic People From Your Life

Unfortunately, we all have negative or I like to call them "toxic" people in our lives. They are the 'Negative Nancy's', the 'Debbie Downers', the people that always criticize us, put us down, and make us feel like crap.  It's crucial that we kick these people to the curb and remove them from our lives, regardless of their importance in our lives.

In this article, I will break down who these people are, what they do, how they act and the different types of negative/toxic people.  I'll then give you the SOLUTION on how to kick them out of your life.

What is a negative/toxic person?

These are the people around us that always bring you down.  They can literally contaminate and destroy your life.  These people can range from mildly toxic to completely dysfunctional. They make you miserable, regardless of how toxic they are.  These people are usually angry on the inside, they do not operate out of a place of high consciousness. They discourage you and will fill your brain with limiting beliefs.

Signs of a toxic person:

* They constantly judge you

* They insult you for no reason

* They are passive-aggressive

* They always feel like a 'victim'

* They are chronically negative

* They are condescending

When we are children, our brains are like sponges. But it doesn't stop at childhood.  All throughout our lives, we are constantly learning and absorbing the things around us.  So, it just makes sense that if you're surrounded by a negative person, you, yourself will start to absorb that negativity and will become negative. You will become miserable, you'll feel unworthy and will fill your mind with disbelief.  Life is already challenging enough, why make it more difficult?  There's no reason to bring yourself down because of the toxic people around you.  What you want is people to encourage you, fill you up with positivity and bring you up.

Jim Rohn says that you are the average of the top 5 people you most spend time with.  It's who you become.  

A small exercise for you:  Write down on a piece of paper the top 5 people you hang out with the most.  Look at your list and ask yourself if any of them are toxic?  Who do you want to surround yourself with?  Empowering and positive people or disempowering and negative people?  Be completely honest with yourself here.

Who are toxic people?

Anyone can be toxic. It can be your boss, a co-worker or business partner.  It could be a client or customer you serve.  It could be a friend. It could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband.  It could also be your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins or even your own children.

There's a variety of reasons why a person might be toxic, but these are the most common:

* They have depression

* They have angry or violent tendencies. Ranging from arguments to huge fights and abuse.

* They are closed-minded about life, they have religious beliefs, they're dogmatic.

* They play a victim role, always negative with limiting beliefs.

* They are overly dramatic.  They always turn something small into something huge.

* They have an addiction. Ranging from mild:  food, tv, video games to heavy: drugs, alcohol

* They're involved in criminal activity

The Solution

It's actually a really simple solution, it's so simple most people don't think of it.  You need to cut them out, remove them from of your life. Negativity spreads through your body like a fire spreads through a dry forest.  It affects everything in your life, your habits, your behaviour, your ways of thinking and it will ultimately change your perspective of the world.

It doesn't matter who these people are in your life, you need to build up the courage and cut them out immediately.  You're probably thinking, family? You can't cut family.  Best friend? You've been friends for decades! You can't cut them out of your life. Sorry to break it to you, but everyone can be cut.  You family you will cut out as your last resort. This doesn't mean you cut them out of your life for any silly reason.

You only cut people when they continuously violate your principles. Obviously, depending on your relationship with them, you can give them a little more lee-way, but even with the people like your mom, dad, sister, brother or even your own children, you need to set clear boundaries.  Otherwise they will keep pushing you to see what they can get away with.  It's important not to issue idle threats, they will quickly learn that they are only threats, only words and they they'll keep breaking your boundaries over and over again.  

How to remove someone from your life?

It all depends on the person. It depends on your relationship with them, how important they are to you and how important you are to them. Here's several ways:

* Sit them down & talk to them. Tell them the problems you have with them and break it off.

* Tell the person not to contact you anymore.

* Delete their number

* Block them from social media

* Block their email

* If it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, break up with them.  Breakups are super hard, but   sometimes you gotta do it, even when it's really hard.  Trust me, I know...I've been there.

* If you're in a marriage and your spouse is really toxic, consider a divorce.  I don't say this   lightly and it could be a long, nasty process. But it's better than sitting through a toxic   marriage for the next ten, twenty or thirty plus years.  

* If it's someone in your job or business, try to change jobs, departments or relocate if   possible.

* If you're the  boss and it's your employee, fire them.  If it's your clients that are toxic, end   the relationship regardless if it's great money.

There is no reason to cut everybody in your life.  You can start by talking to someone that's really violating your values and if you're completely fed up with their negativity etc, explain to them and lay out your expectations, boundaries and principles are.  It's a very difficult conversation, but sometimes it can change that person.  Sometimes they are not aware they are being negative and toxic.  If they value the relationship, they will make an effort and try to change, so it's worth the conversation.  They'll know that you'll cut them off if they don't change.  They'll have a clear understanding on what's required going forward and they'll start taking you very seriously.

Sometimes these people don't want to change and unfortunately, this will be the most common scenario.  These people simply don't care, they don't want to accommodate you.  They wont listen to you and they will continue to violate your values.  In these cases, you need to be a good judge of character.  You might even need to use your intuition.  As we get older and more mature, we develop skills that help us distinguish who has a good or bad character.  It's a subjective thing according to our own values.  You'll get a sense of who these people are and you'll be able to steer clear of them right away.  These are the people in your life you'll need to cut.

What happens if you can't remove the person?

Sometimes in life we put ourselves in bad positions where we can't cut people out of our lives.  They essentially have a rope around our neck and have complete power over us.  A long-term solution  is to re-design your life so that your situation changes.  Where you no longer rely on this person, so that you can cut them off.

Maybe the person you want to cut you rely on financially - they pay your bills. Or maybe it's your intimate relationship. You want love, companionship, sex and you feel like you are getting this with your current relationship.  Maybe it's a business partner that teaches you new skills and you're afraid to lose a valuable connection.  Maybe its a friend, you have a long history together and you feel attached to them emotionally. You feel trapped.  So ask yourself, how do I make myself more independent?   What are the steps I need to take to un-trap myself?

If you can't cut a person, limit your exposure to them.  How many hours a week are you spending with this person?  Try to reduce the time by half. Think of creative ways to limit your exposure.  To counter their effect on you, add more positive people into your life.  It could be people you know that are positive, but you could also find this on digital media like self-help videos, podcasts, books and seminars.  Positive, inspiring and uplifting videos can help pull you out.  So if you can't completely cut all the negativity out of your life, then raise the positive influences in your life.

Tell me, have you ever had to remove a toxic person from your life?  How did you do it?  What was the outcome?  I'd love to hear your stories!

Lisa Lyttle

Life & Business Coach

415-484-5014

info@lisalyttle.com

www.lisalyttle.com