#it feels like dysphoria almost

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

[dykeiism]

@ women who identified as trans/nb as teens but later came to realize that they were women: do you believe that there's anything that the adults in your life could have said to you to help you come to this realization earlier and make the process less stressful? or would your sensitivity to invalidation and rejection have made this an impossible task?

[i-love-proselfshippers]

The biggest shoutouts to selfshippers with f/os who mostly have ship content made of them. If it’s hard to look for solo content of your f/o because everything is shipping, remember that you know them better than anyone else. You do not need to feel obligated to ship something or headcanon a character the same way that a lot of people do. They love you!!! Their love for you and your love for them is what matters the most. Do not ever allow other people’s opinions to sway you into abandoning a selfship that’s important to you.

[mitamicah]

[moongothic]

I love the crocodad theory a lot but I fear that the fandom will start misgendering him or respect the character less because of transphobia.

Oda have written queer characters before who are respected by the fandom such as Bonclay but for Crocodile its another story. He is their alpha male badass character and adding queerness to his character might make them mad. Not that I care about those bigots feelings but its already not easy to navigate this fandom without queerphobia being thrown in your face.

Ppl can digest a queer character who fit in the stereotypes but once they dont, its another story.

Same, people are weird as fucking hell and gross about Crocodile maybe being trans already, we can be sure it would get worse if him being trans was confirmed in the story, there would be absolutely no avoiding it

But at the same time...

Transphobes are gonna be transphobes regardless, and I don't want that to become a reason for any storyteller to not create trans characters. I don't want Oda to bend over backwards to please the transphobes when they're the ones in the wrong. If anything, I want Oda to just go all the way with the message of queer liberation and freedom in One Piece. Like it's not perfect, but it's already there, but it's so subtle many queerphobes have been able to ignore it this whole time and I don't want Oda to let them ignore it anymore. I want him to rub it into their faces so hard they'll start complaining about "Oda going woke"

And like, let's be real. If Crocodile was trans and Oda pulled it off just right (without falling into certain pitfalls that he's be stumbling with this whole time with queer rep), that could unironically be like. Great not just trans rep but trans masc rep in particular

Like maybe it's just the media I've consumed but trans masc rep is typically very non-existant and/or very much like Yamato, who, while valid as hell, might not be how many trans masc people want to be seen as by others (as in, "confused girls")

We've known Crocodile as a character for 23 years at this point, and for the first 8-9 years of that he was very much seen as A Manly Cis Man (like you said) without a hint of a doubt (until Impel Down). If it turned out he had been trans this whole time, that would force people to rethink how they view trans people.

As just regular fucking people

That person you knew for years turned out to be trans? So what? What does that actually change about them? It's still the same person deep down. Those are the things Oda could force people to think about.

And honestly? If that helped convert even just a single transphobe, or educate someone without an opinion on trans people, to just letting trans people live their lives in peace, I think it'd be worth it

But like, yeah. The transphobes are gonna be loud regardless. It fucking sucks, and I hate the fandom for it. But, damned if you do, damned if you don't, there's no avoiding it. And I think the potential positive impact would outweight the already festering negativity.

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

i need to be a cowboy so bad :((

[non-un-topo]

Wondering if it's worth it to bind today and wear a literal pin with my literal pronouns if my supervisor and peers are going to misgender me all day

[c0rpseductor]

i was taking a nap and had horrible trauma nightmare about my dad where he wanted access to my discord and tumblr and stuff and was monitoring what i said (poorly) and i spent the whole dream scared he was trying to see if id told anybody about the csa but actually, bizarrely, he was trying to prevent me from “cheating” on him and went ballistic bc he was convinced i was dating an online friend’s dad and doing sex work. however the good thing is i yelled at him incredibly profusely, sprinted away, and then was able to go to this like…interdimensional travel center where you can visit other timelines and shit or return to your own, and i’d just BEEN at home but i was returning to my own so dad couldn’t follow me (?) and then woke up. the universes were all organized by like several numerical codes and it was very confusing but apparently i was technically a marvel character bc my universe was distinguished by some specific marvel event. go figure. also i was a girl in this dream i fucking HATE girl dreams they make me so dysphoric when i wake up -_-

[lususnatura]

blamore being obsessed with just... casually running his hands across it's partner's skin if they are human, or at least humanoid in nature during their downtime, because the only skin that has really been 'untainted' in his mind by his transformation was on his face and on his back — so knowing what it feels like to have it again in a way almost makes blamore fascinated with them and that's just JSJSJ

[batz]

realizing its almost been 6 months since top surgery:)

[nervocat]

Might actually re-theme later to get my mind off of things after chores. I'm going back to what happened this morning 😞😞

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

[faithisland]

its extremely frustrating that I'm very happy with the size of my pumped dick, and very unhappy with the size of it normally. it means I can't decide whether to go through w metoidioplasty or not

Id rather get meta, in every way. but I just don't know if my dick is gonna grow any further, and at this size, it won't be long enough to stp, which is a big part of it for me (well,, the whole thing is. actually)

so I'm just in this limbo state of pumping every day for dysphoria and growth, and just hoping against hope I'll get another growth spurt

when do I just bite the bullet and book a phallo consult?

[southernvampire]

uterus has been yeeterused

[non-un-topo]

Every time I spend too many days in a row at home, I get it into my head that I don't actually want to transition, and then I go back into the world and go Oh. I remember what it's like to have a body and a mind.

[technomancyshenanigans]

I think I might Be A Girl, Or Something Like That