#i feel more spiritual too?? idk how to describe it

[southernvampire]

uterus has been yeeterused

[lxmelle]

I don’t think Gojo died dissatisfied, or with any regrets.

Just a personal opinion that I wrote on twitter/X but I also wanted to capture and put into words here.

I can see how and why it can be interpreted that he did die with at least 1-2 regrets. However... as I read and re-read and thought about it to the point of being overthunk (lol), I have come to conclude (for myself at the very least), that he died with peace in his heart.

First we see him grumble about being wrong about dying alone because he told Megumi this. Then, he said he had unfinished business with informing Megumi about his dad, to which being a largely accepting/stoic person (kinda like the “resignation man” thing again that Gege described him - not necessarily in a negative way) really helps, because he readily accepts that he left it to Shoko and would be taken care of on his behalf.

So with that regard, he was at peace.

Next, Gojo admitted that he couldn’t reach Sukuna, and for that, he was apologetic/sorry/regretful (Not so much disappointed, due to the usage of the phrase 申し訳なく which conveys more of a sense of humility and responsibility, rather than feelings of being let down).

This is an important one for me... because if we understand how human bodies work in real life, and also if we subscribe to some form of faith/spirituality (in this case maybe Buddhism), the physical body actually takes time to die and the soul therefore takes time to depart the body.

We see Gojo smirk at the end of Sukuna’s speech saying that Gojo had “cleared his skies” and would be remembered by him for as long as he lived.

This can be interpreted in two ways (or both) - one, that those words were conveyed and Gojo heard them, understanding that he did reach Sukuna in some way. And 2nd that he smirked knowingly that he could “bet on the future” / the next generation, with what Yuta would do with his body…

Which also aligns with his soft reaction to what Nanami said about betting on the future. Gojo did his best with his students too.

So much so that he jokes with Yaga that he was wrong about sorcerers all dying with regret!

So with the body taking time to die, I see it as something similar with what happened with Jogo and Choso - their last moments took some time to happen.

As Jogo was burning, he met with his friends and had his send-off / acknowledgment from Sukuna that he was strong, that it was fun, and that he could stand proud. Jogo died feeling he had worth and believed he would reunite with his friends.

As Choso was shielding Yuji (I’m still not recovered from this btw) he also had his send-off at the long table with Yuji. He died protecting his brother, which gave him absolute meaning and purpose as a human being and not a curse. Similar situation at the end can be said about Nanami (arguable whether the process of dying was beginning to happen with his hallucinations of being at the beach) with his brief send-off with Haibara standing before him. They were consolidating their lives at their final moments. Expressing any regret/sorry’s helped them pass on peacefully. I’ll spare you the picture of mortally wounded Nanami 😢

Another one I won’t put a pic of would be Hajime’s death where he and Sukuna have an exchange too. I don’t know if he died with regret or not, but he got his answer at the very least - what he was searching for.

As for Nobara, we see her with the chairs, her thoughts and reflections - saying her farewells / apologies, and finally concluding that her life wasn’t so bad 😢

Those with mortal wounds to the head seem to die a little more immediately, so their vision of salvation / death dream / whatever you want to call it - appears to happen a little bit earlier. But it doesn’t stray too far from the theory that a “good death” comes to some of the characters in the jjk world and it exists in a space... uhh... we can describe as “between dream and reality”??? 🫣 idk about what/who is right or wrong. We know different characters have different theories about things - just like in real life I guess. Nevertheless I (as a reader) want to believe there is some kind of afterlife.

Back on topic: Gojo’s other “disappointment” was that he wished that Geto was there to “pat him on the back”. He would have been satisfied if Geto was there.

And now, well, Geto was there. Flowery speech bubbles and all. So I think the fact that he was with him as a soul, reunited, was enough of a pleasant surprise.

Enough for Gojo to go into “husband is home from a hard day’s work - time to let go and grumble” (lol). And Geto wasn’t a flower because Gojo wanted him to understand him, so I can see how this was satisfying for Gojo, who felt he wanted to catch up to Geto.

Narratively/Thematically it also makes sense that Gojo was at Geto’s end (sending him off), and Geto was at Gojo’s end (picking him up). You know... “you’re late”x2 “you’re early”? “I was left behind”x2 “I have to catch up?” (These two were just busy chasing each other).

Yeah. It wouldn’t take away the satisfaction over all that happened just because Geto wasn’t there to pat him on the back - because then dying would leave him behind. And crucially, Gojo prayed that being there at the airport wasn’t a dream. So he was satisfied with being reunited and being there with everyone.

My conclusion is basically this: I think that Gojo fully died physically when he smirked. A human body left to bleed out with a wound like that would take time to stop functioning. But we know that mercifully he was mostly dead, which was why his consciousness was at the airport. Arguably, where his soul needed to be. He would’ve internalised Sukuna’s message as his body physically died, which could explain why it reacted.

So if we believe that it wasn’t just a hallucination and there is an afterlife (there are many reasons to believe there is, with talk of soul resonance, reincarnation, etc.), just as how Geto knew Gojo fought Sukuna, the souls in the afterlife have awareness of what goes on in the world of the living.

I’m pretty certain that one way or another, Gojo would have received the knowledge that Sukuna had praise for him, even if he couldn’t reach him with his humanity. So there were essentially no “regrets”.

Gojo was satisfied with having left the information for Megumi for Shoko to deliver, with how he died in battle to someone stronger, that he was able to satisfactorily go all out & felt he had fun, that Sukuna acknowledged him, that he could bet on the future, and that he was also reunited with Geto & his friends from his youth.

Yes, so… I believe that Gojo died satisfied.

🥲 RIP Gojo Satoru. I hope you and Geto have a good time in the afterlife.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I restart an argument with a friend?

🌊⚓ <- so I can search for it.

So, a while ago, a friend was over and we talked. She is from South Germany while I am from North Germany, where we are both living (this'll be important in a sec).

I don't really remember why we were talking about the topic, but we started talking about regional dialects and sayings and then she called Low German* a dialect. Which tldr: big no-no. But I don't think she was being malicious, she just didn't know about the topic at all.

So naturally I explained: "You absolutely cannot call Low German a dialect to peoples faces around here. People will take offense to it. I don't really, because I consider the difference between dialect and language is arbitrary to begin with. But you will provoke incredibly unkind reactions from other people."

Her response was "Yeah but like. Doesn't everyone think their own dialect should be a language."

And... Idk why that one hurt but it did. It just felt incredibly dismissive. And I didn't really know how to respond other than "but this is the one case where it is true" which felt weird so I just. Didn't. We kinda moved on to other topics. But in hindsight, I really wish I hadn't?

Because I wish I had explained it in depth to her so she understands why what she said is considered unacceptable. But also for her own sake, because she will piss people off if she says the same thing to other people. And honestly for my sake so I can make peace with the conversation.

So I'm considering either finding a way to restart the argument/ conversation when we are together or go the cowardly route and send her a couple screenshots explaining the topic. But I also feel like restarting a fight we never really had and really doesn't matter is kind of a dick move.

Additionally I tend to be a person that corrects people when they are wrong and starts discussion way too much. Because in my family academic debates are a love language.** So I tend to reaaaaaally overestimate the amount of debating/ arguing people are comfortable with. They tend to perceive me as being upset with them while I am just having fun hashing out a topic from different angles.

So Tumblr. WIBTA?

Footnotes

* Low German is the regional language of North Germany. The definition of North Germany is actually pretty much "wherever they are speaking Low German". There is some controversy if Low German is a dialect or a language. Which like... People often describe it as closer to Dutch and English than Standard German, it's a recognised language in every state it is spoken in, it is recognized as a regional language in the fucking European Union WHY is it still controversial.

It is also very much an endangered language because in the past decades especially it has been looked down on as being "lower class". No that's not where the name comes from, low german is spoken where the terrain is flat/ low and high/ upper german is spoken where the mountains are. This attitude towards Low German is shifting a lot recently but it is entirely possible it's too late to prevent it from dying out.

** I felt like this part needed some clarification too. I can't count how many dinners in my childhood were spent eating while getting into the meat of whatever topic caught our attention. Politics or science or more spiritual stuff. Ask questions about things we were wondering about. Absolutely tear into each other when we had opposing positions, but concede when we were convinced. Oftentimes I'd get up to grab pen and paper, or demonstrate orbital dynamics with the jam container, a bowl and my plate, or use the butter as an impromptu drawing board.

But that doesn't mean we were fighting in the normal sense even if someone got upset occasionally. It was really just communicating with one another. It was connecting. Exercising our debate skills. Play-fighting but make it academia. It was genuinely fun to us and still is. An alternative outlet for sibling rivalry. There is no need to fight over the TV remote when you can just reason it out together.

So yeah. That's how academic debates can be a love language (and simultaneously absolutely destroy your conception of what is considered arguing).

[sribbles-drabbles]

🍎Too Uptight!!🍎

Vil Schoenheit x Hippie! GN! Reader

Tw: None!!

Idk if I nailed the hippie aspect but I went for more of a "love of the earth and environment, foraging, self-sustaining, kinda spiritual" hippie ig??? I feel like it reads more spiritual cottage-core but eh?? I'm happy with it.

When one gazed upon the beautiful visage of Vil Schoenheit many words came to mind. For many it was the classic “beautiful”, “elegant”, “stunning”, or “Poise”…..maybe even “fairest of them all” a title that he always stove for during every hour of everyday. As he currently walks through the courtyard you can’t help but think that the whole thing seems exhausting. But you admired his commitment all the same and the way there was such nobility to his aura.

Though at the same time you wished Vil took better care or himself and took time to simply let go and be at peace with the world.

“Perfect, I found another Tremella Fuciformis.” Jade calls, scooping the mushroom off a dying branch on the forest floor and placing it in his foraging satchel.

“Ah, really?! That’s like, clump number 8, right? And you can just call them a snow-ear Jade…” you shake yourself free from your previous thoughts about Pomfiore warden, a blush deepening on your cheeks.

While many saw you as “lazy” or “way out of it” you preferred to call yourself what you are, a hippie. While the others were in class studying away you kidnapped Grim and ran into Jade on the way and asked for help with foraging. Foraging for what? Snow-ear, a fungus from your world that somehow carried over to the twisted wonderland. Though the only difference? Back home they grow in tropical climates like Brazil, but here they actually grow in the snow. Thus, why you’re currently up mountains, in one of Jade’s best foraging spots.

“Say, Perfect, why do you need snow ears anyways?” Jade asks suddenly, catching you off guard and making you blush before hiding it behind your scarf.

“Uhm….I just was going to use it in a soup-”

“Soup?! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner!! I thought you wanted to make some fancy lotion for Vil!!” Grim blabs loudly, making you jump and then sigh.

“Ah, a gift for Schoenheit? Well you made a good choice using Snow-ear.” Jade chuckles.

“Listen, if anyone deserves a breather it’s Vil. He always seems to tightly wound, and…he needs to just…let go…” you mumble.

Later that day you took your haul into your room and with the guidance of Epel who was well aware of and on board with your plan to woo Vil, the two of you start to brew a nice natural face scrub, as Vil had claimed that the one he had been using before had stopped being made.

——————————The next day——————————

“PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!!” You call, clothes flowing in the wind. Your self altered uniform that you’re so proud of making you nervous as it’s so different than the man across from you.

You had given Vil your gift with a note asking him to meet you in the courtyard of Pomfiore at sunset. You stood by a large cotton wood in the back left corner of the property. The warm spring air making the puffs of white pollen look like snow as they fall to Earth.

Vil remains silent, and it rings loudly as the wind whistling and the ruffling leaves make an almost intolerable cacophony that it only drowned our by your thoughts.

He’s going to say no. He thinks you’re too different to him. He’s a try-hard prince who’s perfect and you’re the magicless ramshackle prefect who dances in the rain, forages for food, and loves the Earth more than words can describe.

How could this work? It can’t-

“Heh, took you long enough.” Vil muses pulling you back to reality.

“Wha-” you start looking up at Vil.

His dorm robes flutter in the wind much like your own clothes, and a red blush dusts his ivory cheeks as he smiles, tucking a loose hair behind his ear as he nears you, and leans down with a smile.

“May I…?” He asks, ever the gentleman.

You’re almost too stunned to speak, only muttering out a brief: “Y-Yeah…”

Crimson lips meet yours as the Pomfiore perfect gives you a brief smooch before standing with a confident smirk plastered on his face.

“My, flustered are we? I know I’m beautiful but you must learn to control this if we’re to make this work darling…though it is charming how surprised you seemed to be. Honestly have you picked up on none of my hints from the past month?” He questions.

You then blush harder. Though you thank the world and spirits around that this man was given to you. And you step forward and lay your head against his chest, earning a chuckle from him.

——————————7 months later—————————

You lay with your head in what you believe to be the most comfortable lap in the world. But even prettier is the view. Vil takes another bite of popcorn you made earlier and looks at the romance movie playing.

Vil sighs deeply, letting his shoulders slouch, he places some of the junk food in your mouth. He wipes his now free hand free of butter and then moves it to massage your scalp, his nails scratching in the most satisfying way.

Vil sits on his side one hand propping himself up as your head lays in his lap and his free hand plays with your hair, he looks down at you with a loving look mixed no doubt with the serotonin from the sickeningly sweet romance movie. He’s dressed in one of your sleep shirts and a pair of sweatpants and had left his own clothes in your living room, as he claimed:

“I wouldn’t want all of my belongings to smell like all this junk, lord knows what would happen if Rook were to figure out I join you to eat junk and watch movies on Friday nights...” He would trail off and grumble but never turn down an invitation.

It was euphoric in a way, to see Vil come to you at 7:00pm on the dot each Friday. Rook and Epel knew full well you were dating their house-warden and kept it a secret for your sake but what they didn’t know was how much your hippie lifestyle had started to creep into Vil’s routine.

He’d come to you after one of his photo shoots, and look as if he wanted to tear his hair out from stress. He’d walk in and grab you by the collar and kiss you before changing into a comfy outfit you bought for him, much more your style than his. with a flowing skirt, a nice blouse with embroidered flowers, handmaid jewelry, and a colorful bandana to tuck most of his hair back. You'd then drag him out the woods behind Ramshackle and have him help you forage for dinner. He was a natural at botany and poisons after all.

Before, things would be more formal, more of just small talk, asking about each other’s day with tension heavy in the air. not knowing how to connect to each other even though you had been friends for months before and shared a common interest in botany and films. it was so easy as friends but harder as a new couple.

You hated it. He hated it too.

But one day after talking about what you both desired out of this relationship, you both realized you wanted someone to simply relax with. Though your ideas of relaxation varied a-lot. Mostly because Vil didn’t seem to know how to truly relax without doing some sort of physical activity. Lazying around seemed repulsive to him. So you compromised.

You were both interested in botany and naturally grown foods and products, thus why not teach Vil more about the Earth and how to harness it in a healthy, sufficient way? It was still something active in Vil’s mind, thus it’s always how things started until you both made your way back inside and to the kitchen to cook your findings. while you played music from your world on your somehow still functional phone. I couldn't make calls to your family, but somehow still had your playlist intact. Vil thought the music choices were odd but grew to like it and respect it for its message and freeness in expression over time.

Afterward was always different, however. Sometimes a movie, and sometimes just talking or enjoying each other’s presence and cuddling.

“I’m glad, you know…” Vil drawls out with a yawn. you look at the clock, around 11 pm this is late for him, as Vil is usually early to bed and early to rise,

“What for?” You ask with a hum.

“I’m glad I’m here with you…you make me feel so soft and warm." he groans in frustration and rubs the corner of his eye with his index finger, spreading some of his makeup before continuing "No…that doesn’t make any sense…I suppose I mean you make me content and happy.” He hums and smiles warmly, causing you to reciprocate.

“You make me happy too love…” You smile up at him, leaning up to meet him as he leans down and you two share a chaste, emotional, kiss.

“What a wonderful life this is…” you think to yourself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags: @demon-lover-669

[storm-and-starlight]

Storm's Fic Recs: Transformers Edition

I was in Transformers fandom from June 2022 to February 2024. Here are the fics that I'll still carry with me, even though I've moved on. (I tried to tag as many people as possible, but I couldn't find everyone -- my apologies to cerkowah, jabberish, & buttface)

Victory Condition and Champion by Astolat (@astolat on Tumblr) Victory Condition more or less rewired my brain, and I don't just mean that it yeeted me into Transformers fandom almost entirely against my will or intention. It... sort of reset the way I saw the world? it's hard to explain. Either way, the poetry is very good. Champion is something of a spiritual predecessor to Victory Condition, but a lot more. just. fun. Ending the war with the power of dance parties. It's great. Victory Condition: Loosely G1, Megop, rated E Champion: Loosely G1, largely gen, rated T

Lonely Signals by Anefi (@anefi on Tumblr) SPACE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALES god I love a good space whales story, and not only does this have space whales in abundance it also manages to nail down the impact of a four-million year war perfectly, without feeling too small or like it's going too big to be felt. IDW2005, Cosmos/Soundwave, rated T

Rest Easy by Largishcat (@largishcat on Tumblr) I barely ever read Dratchet, but this one... it's not "so good I read it despite the ship", it's so good I read it for the ship. Like Lonely Signals, it's one of very few fics I've found that actually manage to sell the scope of the war, and the Ratchet characterization is on-fucking-point. IDW2005, Dratchet, Megatron/Ratchet, rated E

the triumph of time (series) by oriflamme (@sunderedstar on Tumblr) I read all 400,000 words or so of this series in about four days. It's a rewrite of the end of IDW but make it epic (as in Tolkienesque) (seriously, idk how else to describe it except that I get the same sense of world-weight and cataclysmic events as I do from a lot of LOTR and high fantasy) but add in poetry and melancholy and history and also repairing everything that went wrong in IDW that never really got addressed. IDW2005, mostly rated T, some G. Check the tags for pairings.

Hazard Light by EatYourSparkOut, Emporianne, & cerkowah (@eatyoursparkout & @emporianne on Tumblr) This one's mostly on here for two things: 1.) doing hanahaki in a way that is like. actually thoughtful and not weird about love or unrequited love or anything like that, and 2.) doing hanahaki with robots. It's an absolutely brilliant setup that's brilliantly executed, and also Brainstorm and Percy are cute and pining and very dumb about it. MTMTE, Brainstorm/Perceptor, rated M

I'm All Full Up on Yesterdays, Don't Sing Me No More Blues by DesdemonaKaylose (@desdemonakaylose on Tumblr) Look, I know I say this a lot, but this fic has got the vibes down. It's exactly the take on Jazz that I've been looking for, all music and motion and city lights. Loosely Transformers: Prime, Jazz/Prowl, rated M

Send us a Blindfold, Send us a Blade by Trinary (@trinarysuns on tumblr) This was the first non-Astolat fic I read in this fandom that actually had an impact on me, and what an impact it was. One of the things that I love most about Transformers fic (especially IDW fic) is the sense of the... the timescale of the war? The weight of looking back and seeing how much has changed, and this fic really nails that specific sort of nostalgia. (Same kinda thing with how Lonely Signals/Rest Easy handle the war, but this one handles the revolution.) IDW2005, Starscream/Thundercracker, Starscream/Thundercracker/Skywarp, rated M

Attaque Composée (series) by neveralarch (@neveralarch on Tumblr) It's a fencing AU, but also they're all still robots, but also it's one of the most heartwrenching takes on IDW Starscream that I've seen (and that's saying something). The twisting of canon to fit the AU is masterfully done. IDW2005, Starscream/Wheeljack, mostly rated G, one T, one M.

Mistakes on Mistakes Until- by jabberish This one's an excellent sci-fi epic with everything that Jazz lends himself really well to in fic? Intrique and plot twists and General Shenaniganery. It's really fun. Transformers - All Media Types, Jazz/Prowl, rated M, currently incomplete but updating

Fathomless by Sroloc_Elbisivni (@sroloc--elbisivni on Tumblr) This is exactly the kind of vaguely-fairytale-magical-realism sort of tragedy-with-a-happy-ending that I live for, and it's especially notable in that that is not, precisely, the vibe that Transformers lends itself to and yet this fic pulls it off so well. Loosely G1, Jazz/Prowl, rated T

Your Own Hands by SatelliteSoundwave (@satellitesoundwave on Tumblr) An absolutely incredible example of non-linear storytelling. Not only is the actual order of scenes non-linear, it's tightly tied to the story itself. Wreckers Trilogy, Taraprowl, rated M

the only thing left out in the light by buttface Literally the only fic I've found that deals with the whole "Rodimus died on the alternate Lost Light and Drift held his funeral" thing, and it does it so beautifully. MTMTE, Driftrod, rated T

[josendlessmonolouge]

my oc intro except I’m super tired so they’re incoherent.

Johnny manygoats

born: 1950

job: odd jobs, mostly does rodeo gigs and works his sheep

physical description bc I’m too lazy to draw him: big ass dude like 6’5 and he wears riding boots so it’s scary. He’s got Hooded Big brown baby cow eye and a broad face. Really warm undertone skin idk how to describe it other than like you would use burnt umber paint when mixing it. Very tan bc he constantly claims that bc he’s native he won’t get burnt “I’m dark already I can’t burn” (he can) when before the war he had really long (mid back length) hair but when he enlisted he cut it to military standard. The story has important parts pre war and post so it’s anywhere between long and kinda shaggy when he first started growing it back out. He doesn’t wear any pants other than wranglers. He wears either a western shirt or a really ratty redbone T-shirt that Sara hates but he will wear it until it’s shredded. He has basically two expressions; 1) I’m going to kill myself, you or punch a wall or all of the above and 2) beautiful dimpled ear to ear smile with squinty eyes and crooked teeth, that is pretty well reserved for his niece and nephew or his animals.

likes: summer treats. Like idk he just would live off watermelon and icecream if he could. He was eating frozen grapes way before y’all were. His niece and nephew, his older brother, Michael. the rodeo. reading western novels when he doesn’t have a headache. His horse. His wife, Sara. Marty robbins, Johnny cash, and hank Williams. (so jo core) Throwing shot-put. Marlboro reds. Black coffee. His dog. Sitting on his porch at night. Working on his family’s ranch. =. horseback mounted shooting.(pre war) when he had long hair he liked doing it in the same style as sara (he doesn't have much spiritual identity in his hair but his grandfather did he just liked it long because that's how his grandfather his, also he thinks it looks nice on him. he doesn't enjoy the racist comments he gets on it though obv) western suits. (actually part of how he met his wife) dancing (boy loves line dancing sm)

dislikes: any clerical/business work. Itchy fabrics. being cold, people assuming he’s just a stupid country boy. Literally anyone he went to high school with except for his best friend. Gilah monsters, He knows they don’t often bite people but they scare him still. Coyotes. Really fast talkers. Alcohol. Lyndon Johnson. Being touched without asking first. doctors. physical therapy. dark chocolate (opposite of me) the beatles (again so not jo) running. horseback mounted shooting (post war)

personality: gentleman, always wants to be polite and helpful but also extremely blunt and doesn't realize it's rude/funny/awkward he comes from a family where men are pretty open with their feelings masculinity? bitch his dad cried over hitting a barn cat with their truck. even though he's not really someone to hide his emotions because of like any societal or familial pressures, he doesn't like to be a problem or in anyone's way, so he isn't always too open. really good with kids. he really wanted kids but was exposed to agent orange and was advised to not have children, it broke his heart more than being a pow. genuinely terribly traumatized obv but especially just heart broken by the fact he'll never be a dad. protective of his friends and family to a detrimental degree, wouldn't ever hurt anyone except for when they say something cruel about mike (brother), sara (wife), theodore (best friend). only really became reserved in his emotions after the war, where he felt kinda ashamed and struggled with survivors guilt. can be a show off but he's honestly just earnestly proud of himself. likes to learn new practical skills, he was so excited when he learned to sew.

[fallencelsetial]

:D

Karu! 🐺

Karu specifically!!!

You....You know me on a spiritual level....

First Impression-

I was very confused. Because the very first event I played, while I was just meeting Yakumo in story, was ArmyxBloodxOath. So i had no clue who Blade or Garu were, and Then suddenly Meeting Karu I was like "WAIT WHEN DID THIS GUY GET HERE? GARU HAS A TWIN??"

Impression Now-

Karu is MY BOY. My baby. My darling. My love. My sweetie. MY SCHMOOPIE!!!!!!

Favorite Moment-

WHEN HE WAS SOFT WITH EDMOND. OF ALL PEOPLE. LIKE IT FEELS SO RANDOM. BUT HIM ADMIRING EDMOND, AND WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM. LIKE. SOFT. OMG. HES SO SWEET.

Idea for a story-

I need a story where he gets spoiled. He deserves the world too. He can have all the meat he wants. He can have his little fantasies indulged. I'm sure by the end of getting spoiled he will allow affection. maybe even DEMAND IT! GIVE HIM HEAD PATS SLAVE!!!! HE DESERVES IT!!!

Unpopular Opinion-

LISTEN. HE CAN DO ANYTHING. HE'S VERY CLEVER. HE CAN TOP IF HE WANTS. BUT THERES A CATCH. Listen he can top, but hes gonna get dommed while doing it. there's a difference between topping and Domming. Karu can top.

and I know this one is DEFINITELY UNPOPULAR. I'm so sorry, but out of Garu and Karu....Karu is my favorite.

Favorite Relationship-

I've NEVER EXPERIENCED IT. But Kuya and Karu. I've only ever heard of it, and it tickles something in my brain. I can assume it's similar to how he was with Edmond, but like...More prideful. He WANTS people to know he admires Kuya.

Favorite Headcanon-

I like to think that He and Garu have their own mindscape. Like, IDK how to describe it. Like, If the body is asleep, they have this space where they can see each other. Almost as if they were in two seperate bodies. A much clearer representation of them being two different people, that no one else gets to see.

[kaddyssammlung]

Spirituality in Sleep Token lyrics - Part 3 (last part)

Part 1 Part 2

Rain

“That the vicious cycle was over”

I have this connected to those endless reincarnations that we had or had to have. In a way we were being kept in this planet, almost trapped. I say almost because you could always “leave” you probably just have forgotten how it works and also I know that most of you don't believe stuff like this anyway XD. But I do. For me the vicious cycle is also over because I remember how to end it. Everything is out there. All the knowledge. But it has to resonate with you otherwise you just call me crazy and that's it then. I don't care about that. Many probably think that anyway.

“and just like the rain”

I have a meditation where the instructor says “imagine it like cosmic rain” and everytime she does I start singing: and just like the rain...

Something is being alchemised, transformed into something. He sings you cast the dust into nothing. I wonder if he really means someone or if he talks about himself. I could talk more abut energy work and what it's like to have higher dimensional beings work with you. How they support and hold you. When Vessel sings that chorus it's what I think about: energy work.

“I feel my shadow dissolving”

Have a video abut Carl Jung. That term “shadow work” is coming from him. This has something to do with all of us in a way. I was not aware of what was hiding in my shadow. Until it bit me in the *ss. It helped me heal but it was also painful.

“will you cleanse me with pleasure?”

I should write about the things that I'm experiencing at the moment. There is weird stuff going on at the moment. I can feel certain things healing and I'm starting to feel things again. Maybe even wanting to sleep with someone again?! I have not felt that in years now. I was too hurt and too much stuck in trauma response.

“it's that chemical cut that I can get down with”

Yes my dear. “No fap” or whatever this is called. It's just common not to do certain things for sometimes. It's interesting to see what effect it has on your body. Yes I have done that btw. I like trying things out.

“I'm coiled up like the venomous serpent”

Raise the serpent just means something with you chakra energy. In my words I would just describe this being aware of your energy centers, your chakras and also working with them. But to raise the serpent is a “spiritual expression”. It has something to do with your kundalini being pictured as a snake. I don't even know why that is. I actually don't care about stuff like that.

Take Me Back To Eden

To me Eden means something like heaven. With heaven I don't mean a place that you can go to, I mean a frequency. I still have a vague feeling for this Eden type of state. Sometimes I have short glimpses of it. It's really something that I can't describe. A deep connection to everything. Maybe that describes it best. I'm simply here (on this planet) to remember all of these things and therefore turn this place into home again. Idk if that makes sense. You know me...right? That's just how I see it.

“and now the weightlessness recedes”

I hate gravity. Next time you drop your toast and it falls butter first to the ground: I bet you will have the same thought XD

Gravity...so damn enthralling. Right, Vessel?! It feels like it. Whatever...not that important.

“of a pathway higher”

Makes me think about those times where different timelines existed. You could kind of “hop” into one with a higher frequency. Idk if someone is interested in stuff like that. Probably not but that's how I have this connected. Different frequencies mostly.

“I will travel far beyond the path of reason”

you wandered from the path, a pathway higher, path of reason....so many paths to choose from?!

I guess I really had to fall to ground and wake up in hospital against my will and experience my lowest so I could really have an open heart and finally be willing to change. That's what I have this connected with. That stupid saying how your wounds let the light into you or something like that. It is true but it does almost sound cynical.

“we've no idea what we've got until we lose it”

I know. This is also true on a collective level. We gave up that “Eden state” so that we could evolve and learn. Being here on this planet in that dense three-dimensional-state meant learning fast. But this too shall pas or nothing lasts forever. We have learned enough for now that's why many of us are starting to remember those “truths”. Idk how to call it or explain this.

“and no amount of self-sought fury will bring back to glory of innocence”

Self-sought fury...I had plenty of that. Seems like he also had plenty of that. I mean all of my unhealthy coping strategies with this btw.

I still think it's so damn funny that I decided to take a course from someone that talked about reestablishing “the connection to my lost self and its innocence”. In No Sense?! The German word for it is much better for this. It is “Unschuld”. It means that you are not guilty. This course has been intense btw. But also helpful. We're all guilty of something....is what Vessel said.

Euclid

“if your wings won't find you heaven”

I'm currently working on activating my wings again. I think that's enough for right okay. Okay?!

“in turning divine”

We are divine. We just don't remember that, or many don't see that.

“We tangle endlessly”

Okay, Vessel. Let's come and hang and tangle...where can I find you?! Just making some fun.

[nerves-nebula]

op I am obsessed with your kidnapped AU please when you have time (I know you're busy, no pressure!) please infodump about it I am fascinated, so curious, I want to study the AU like a scientist studies a newly found organism (/compliment!)

Oh, you flatter me :> You’ve also given me permission so uhhhhhhhhhhh heres some random stuff bout the 

*~*~*~Kidnapped Caleb AU~*~*~*

Hunters upbringing:

Hunter was kidnapped from the hospital in his mothers room by Philip, who kind of just picked him up and walked out with him (prolly while dressed as a nurse)

Philip names him “Caleb” cause he’s fucked up like that (but I’ll be calling him Hunter when describing him, to avoid confusion)

He’s been responsible for most of the upkeep in the house and has been since he was about 9 years old. (cleaning, taking out trash, organizing stuff, doing laundry, and occasionally cooking- though he couldn't follow recipes that were too complication)(starting going on grocery runs around 10-11 years old)

He’s also responsible for cooking whenever the cult gets together and has a Big Meeting with food and everything. He became responsible for this at around 13-14 years old cause his uncle realized he was Really Good at Cooking.

He likes birdwatching, it's one of few things he can do from inside the house that lets him interact with the outside world safely. Philip fucking hates it but lets him do it anyway.

Nobody in the cult is aware that Hunter’s been kidnapped, except Kikimora, who overheard it one day while snooping like she always is. The ones who know about Philips brother assume he’s dead because Philip barely ever talks about Caleb. And when he does, he does it in the past tense and doesn’t use his name. 

Nobody knows Hunter is Philip's nephew, as Philip insists on being called “father” while others are around. (except kikimora once again, because shes Just Like That)

Hunter doesn’t find this that weird because other cult members also refer to Philip as “father” on occasion 

The Cult: (name pending)

    This might be the least developed part of the AU. My knowledge of cults is mostly about Weird American Fundie stuff, and a few instances of big cults from like the 80s that used a lot of spiritual language and perpetuated a lot of abuse. And The Family International (I went down a rabbit hole about them a while ago.)

I don’t want to be insensitive about how I portray the cult either, because I know there’s kind of a problem with people not taking cults as seriously as they should be taken. So if I have the time I might wanna flush out the cults structure a bit more later. 

Soo keeping that in mind, the cult is gonna be mostly based off of christianity. I might get some things wrong/weird since I was raised Catholic and most cults I know about are more fundie based, I think.

But the basic ideas I have right now are these:

Philip is the head of the cult, obviously

Hunter is his right hand man but isn’t actually given a lot of power in the cult, just duties and chores to run

There are a few smaller branches of the cult across Gravesfield, but they all get together for big celebrations and stuff

There is some sexual abuse that happens but I wont go into graphic detail or anything. It’s mostly just crossing people’s boundaries and making them feel humiliated and stuff.

A lot of crossing ppls boundaries in general, under the guise if bringing people closer together

Physical abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual abuse, honestly just about every kind of abuse you can imagine. Some of it is ritualized, especially when Philip makes 

NO PETS. ESPECIALLY BIRDS/MAMMALS. If you have a pet, they can never be in Philips presence or you won't hear the end of it. Something about keeping animals under the same roof as humans being “dirty” or something idk

A somewhat loose hierarchy system, mostly based on how much Philip likes you. Except for Philips “Eyes and Ears” which are initiated with an official ceremony (eyes and ears = coven heads but there are no “covens” so they’re tasked with being his Eyes and Ears instead, to make sure everything is going good and report back to him if not. I might change this name later cause I just came up with it)

A lot of talk about what to do specifically to save your soul, how much income to contribute to the cult, how much time and labor to give to the cult, how to get other people interested in the cult yadda yadda yadda u get the point 

I’m toying with the idea of Camila nearly joining the cult after Manny died, since the community seemed very comforting and offered her a support system to help take care of Luz. But I haven’t thought about it much yet.

The CATTS: 

OK SO I’ve been thinking about Raine a lot. Sort of. I’m just thinking, because Raine, Darius, and Eberwolf are actually anti-Coven ppl in TOH. Which makes their role in this au a bit confusing. My first thought was that Raine could be some kind of investigative journalist who’s in the cult to take it down or expose it or something. They’re a relatively new recruit who heads their own branch of the cult, and is in charge of the music for get together and like drum circles and stuff. 

They know Philip had a brother, but haven’t realized yet that said brother is still alive cause they haven’t gone looking into Caleb much. Right now, they’re mostly focused on trying to uncover anything super illegal, specifically about whatever weird machines Philips always tinkering with. If Raine had looked into Phillips family history more, they probably would’ve found the story about Calebs kidnapped kid and put two and two together about Hunter.

The thing is though, they probably wouldn’t have gone to the police immediately even if they found out Hunter was kidnapped, cause they have a very bad feeling about whatever Philip is using those weird creations of his for. They’d be worried that if he gets busted for kidnapping, then whoever he’s collaborating with on his creations will get away scott free and Raine will never find out what they’re actually for.

HONESTLY idk if that’s how investigative journalism works. Maybe a real investigator would go in knowing everything about Philips background and would begin to suspect things immediately when they saw Hunter. But for now Raine doesn’t know about Hunters kidnapping.

Anyway, I don’t see Darius or Eberwolf as being in a similar situation, I think the two of them joined the cult genuinely and are still a bit caught up in it, but are now a bit disillusioned with its leader for whatever reason (god knows there are plenty of good reasons but I’ve heard it's hard to break out of a cult mindset so I’ll have to think of a really good one later.)

Kikimora is a diehard cult member from a rough family background who is desperate to please Philip and hold power over others. Just like in canon! I'm also excited to develop Caleb (the real one) more, but I’ve run out of steam to write about the AU so that’s all for now.

[theoreticallysensible]

Okay so my first post is going to be about the link between capitalism and existential angst, which is the most on brand thing possible for me, so if you like this there’ll be much more of it and if not… sorry. 😅

I’ve always had a proclivity for angsty existentialism. Multiple times a housemate has found me sprawled on a sofa moping about the meaning of life which sounds really pretentious but idk I feel like on some level that’s just being a student. And it’s that material side of it that’s got me curious recently like - were these anxieties just a result of the kind of individualistic, listless existence a student inhabits? There’s probably a reason the stereotypes of angst are people with enough wealth to avoid work but not enough respect or expectations to have a solid idea about what they should be doing: Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, Søren Kierkegaard, etc.

In the first volume of his Critique of Everyday Life, Henri Lefebvre calls out Kierkegaard specifically as a prime example of bourgeoise alienation, the result of which was literally creating existentialist philosophy - the idea that we have to create meaning for ourselves by force of will and taking a leap of faith. Lefebvre claims that existential angst is always a result of some sort of alienation. When Marx formulated alienation as the psychological suffering we experience when we are separation from ourselves, each other, the products of our labour, and nature, he was thinking about the way the working class are made to suffer under capitalism, but Lefebvre expands the theory beyond this. He describes how alienation is always relative and present in all types of society for all people within it. Alienation is not just a result of individualism and exploitation - it also presents itself when we feel too far from someone we love, and when we are mystified by the natural world. Crucially, we are alienated when we become detached from the fact that we are dependent on others for our survival, something common to all the bourgeoisie.

Acknowledging this dependency would make us aware of the injustice of how these responsibilities are distributed (according to class, gender, race, etc.), and getting past the separation would require a radical change in lifestyle involving the rejection of the serving of the individual self so integral to bourgeoise morality. It’s hard! But with the lines between proletariat and bourgeoisie becoming more and more blurred with the expansion of the middle class, recognising this particularly bourgeoise suffering is important, I think, if we want to articulate a reason more people can get behind to resist capitalism.

People suffer when they’re separated from people, when their material existence feels so isolated and insignificant that they have to rely on spirituality to give them any sense of grounding, but are unable to be confident in their beliefs so can only ever relate to religion through anxiety (both my best friends speak of religion in this way, and before I read Lefebvre I was tempted to join them because it sounded better than the nihilism I was struggling with). Seriously, read any Kierkegaard and you will know he was not a happy guy. He wrote book called The Concept of Anxiety, and Fear and Trembling for God’s sake. He’s not okay! 🥺 But poor Søren might have been okay if he’d been a bit less self obsessed, acknowledged the value of *inter*subjectivity rather than pure responsibility, and actually married his fianceé rather than worrying about his independent morality, which was really just arrogance. I sound mean but I love him really. He’s very entertaining and *painfully* relatable.

But this is why I find Simone de Beauvoir to be the absolute best of the existentialist canon, because she recognises the need for recognition and connection, even for the powerful. In The Ethics of Ambiguity, she writes about how even tyrants suffer in hierarchical societies because they can never know authentic respect, since people always see their power and the threat implicit in it rather than their whole humanity. This doesn’t mean that we should never violently resist tyranny, because individualism is hard to overcome, even when it’s self-sabotaging, but awareness of this could get more people on the side of equality. This idea is apparently supported empirically in The Spirit Level, by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, but I haven’t read that one yet. I like to put it in Spinozist terms: the satisfaction of one desire can be excessive when it blinds us to our other needs and presents us from feeling other forms of joy.

On how it can be overcome though, I think Judith Butler offers an interesting frame for thinking about it. Though they’re best known for their work on the social construction of gender, my favourite book of theirs is Giving An Account of Oneself, where they write about how our mental life is a product of all our previous experiences, especially with other people. This seems obvious on some level, but it really undermines individualism. In particular, it deconstructs the distinction between attacking parts of yourself and attacking other people. If our internal and external lives are so interlinked, is it really surprising if attacking ourselves isolates us? Recognising that other people are in some sense present within us is conducive to greater intimacy, and though this can be uncomfortable if we dislike part of them, that doesn’t make it less true, and recognising this can make us more compassionate with everything within us. Self-hatred and hatred of others are intimately connected, and they reinforce each other.

I like to think of the relationship between different parts of myself in terms of Deleuze and Guattari’s machinic unconscious, where our minds are made up of interlocking parts from the larger social context. I think differ though in wanting to negotiate and find equilibrium between them rather than experimenting by letting certain parts go to extremes to make change though. I like the way Jacques Derrida writes about it in The Politics of Friendship, where to recognise the other in oneself, and so recognise the misalignment within ourselves, requires us to be a friend to oneself, which makes friendship so central that it undercuts any potential narcissism because by loving oneself as an other we learn to love others better (as well ourselves).

This doesn’t address the concrete politics of the situation though. The aspect missing is that we have to think of ourselves as inextricably linked to our social and political systems, part of a historical process, and our feelings about those systems are a very real part of that process, and if we want to be true to ourselves we have to act on those feelings rather than repress them. I’m still working out what that means for myself, and as Lefebvre notes it’s this final hurdle that most people fail at, but we can all try.

That kind of went all over the place, but hopefully it’s understandable and valuable, and if not it was helpful for me to articulate all these ideas that have been swirling around in my head for the past year or so. 😅

[tanadrin]

Does Dan McClellan ever explain how he's a Mormon? I started listening to Data Over Dogma the other day, thanks your regular comments about it, and I'm absolutely boggled that this dude can say this shit and then go to church on Sunday.

he talked about his biography in his Mormon Stories appearance. he converted as an adult, around 19 or 20--he describes himself as feeling kind of aimless in life, having social connections through friends and family members to the mormon church, and being drawn to it that way. inferring a little bit from the context, he seems to have landed within a pocket of mormons that were either pretty pro-lgbt or not strenuously anti-lgbt--enough that that didn't put him off, given his agnostic and not particularly conservative background.

he's an interesting case, for sure! he explicitly avoids talking about his personal beliefs, so i can only guess what his exact though process was. but the impression i get is someone who 1) was strongly drawn to the social aspects of organized religion (and mormonism is very tight-knit socially), 2) was willing to suspend judgement on the more out-there elements of doctrine (the really off-the-wall historical stuff), and 3) isn't too pressed about the truth claims element of religion, or doesn't personally find that the most important part of religious experience and feeling.

and yet it is still kind of strange to me to listen to someone who is very thoughtful about the cognitive science of religion, who deeply understands the textual history of religious scripture, and who understands why you can't use faith-based arguments as part of any coherent methodology in the analysis of that scripture, to try to mount a defense of religiosity in general. i mean plainly people can do it. but i can't imagine how, unless there is some deep cognitive dissonance at work. i think that even if the truth claims of religion aren't the most important part of religion to you, they're plainly incredibly important when it comes to, like, how religious traditions are differentiated--if the truth claims don't matter, there's much less reason to be mormon vs episcopalian vs baptist.

i could see salvaging out of all that some kind of general moral therapeutic deism, or ultra-reformed judaism, or other spiritual-but-not-dogmatically-religious worldview--but belonging to an avowedly dogmatic, hierarchically organized religious institution, with the kind of internal discipline that means members like dan are (let us be charitable) less than entirely open with their criticisms less they face larger-scale social consequences--a problem not even modern Catholics face--and one which is nonetheless built on an unusually recent, and unusually disprovable set of truth claims like mormonism is--like, idk. it's really hard to imagine someone who knew all the stuff he knows about biblical history being drawn to mormonism if he had learned that stuff first. and if that's true that feels kind of like an indictment of the religion? like it really is mostly contingent features we don't care about in any deep way.

that makes more sense for ethnoreligions like judaism, and out of all american religions, mormonism is probably closest to being an ethnoreligion itself. it's pretty culturally insular compared to mainline protestantism. even most flavors of fundamentalist evangelicalism. the closest analogue is maybe the primitive baptists? and they're a tiny denomination. but if it was really a self-sustaining culture it probably wouldn't need a centralized hierarchy that excommunicated dissenters who got too big a public profile for criticizing the church.

[trolagygirl2022]

Hello! i am here to participate in your tarot game, I will do tarot reading for you. I will also attach groom persona chart or you can do tarot if you feel like it~

Hope i get selected :>

SO, let's start! I will give every information i will be getting~

Here's your exchange-

Physical description - Temperance, The sun, 7 of pentacles, The Lovers

He has a very balanced appearance like symmetrical face, His nose might be prominent like a little bumpy, but not that bumpy. He is very well dressed, and has that childlike innocence might look younger than he is, He is handsome, he can have blue/brown or hazel eyes, do you know how a archangel looks, that kind of beauty, hair might be long or mid, curly or wavy, something about his hairs maybe he likes to dye diff colors or maybe its you. He can be blonde or have brown hairs, Light skinned, a bit pale or maybe tanned. But he will look beautiful. He might wear casual clothes. He has a good dressing style. Might be tall or average height.

Their aura/vibe - Knight of pentacles, 4 of wands, 6 of pentacles He will have that confidence aura, He will radiate positive energy, he will be very generous or just like to help people in need, He is very positive, like a problem solver, He will be quite protective, might radiate that rich energy, when someone is around him they will feel at ease, very comforting, a logical person, he might like to give gifts. If in a fight he will calmly think of way out. A safe person, can be quite private about his life. He might have gone through some tough life, or just understands the world better. Overall very nice aura, A very supporting person. A healing person. he can be independent.

How others describe them - 7 of cups, page of pentacles, knight of wands, judgement, wheel of fortune.

He will def exclude that rich aura lol, idk how to explain it, Others will describe him as quite charming, who has new ideas and know how to solve any problems, he will be a very balanced individual, they might think of him as someone who is spiritual or maybe you are, a very confident individual, knight in shining armour lol love to protect his loved ones, can be impulsive at times, he can talk a lot, as I said he might be private and his and yours news might be a bit shocking to others.

A random fact - quite a fated encounter

This is how i will describe your connection, quite free and loving,

Thank you~

Whoa thank you so much for this detailed reading! This really matches with different readings I've gotten.

Your exchange!!

Physical Description:

Your future spouse has some type of unique appearance, but he's still attractive. Like he doesn't fit the conventional standard of "beauty" but he shines in his own light. "If I don't fit the standards, I'll make my own" is what came to mind. I'm really seeing a lean figure, sort of a boyish figure. He have a charming appearance, probably has people saying "I don't know what is in them but he's so fine". He has some feminine traits. I'm seeing a sharp yet feminine face. He also has prominent bone structure and are probably on the taller side. Also thinking of an otherworldly appearance too. I'm picturing a merman here. I was thinking a lot about water so he probably have soft skin? It's strange to explain but your future husband looks a merman LOL. Also something flowy, perhaps their hair? His hair is very nice and soft. It flows like water. Picking up on some blue so he can possibly blue eyes (not very light, a more darker blue).

Their aura:

There's something about him that differentiates them from others. This is probably in how he express himself. His aura can be put into one word. "Unique". He's someone that values his self expression and doesn't like to be put in a box. This can also go with his adventurous nature. He's friendly and can easily connect with people, a pretty social guy. He has a sharp eye for things and could be interested in things that have to do with music, arts, design, etc. He has a nice style. He's pretty fast paced and enjoys learning new things. I see him being very caring, kind and gentle. He has a soft spot for people close to him. I also see him being a pretty fun guy to be with and has a lot of charisma.

How others describe him:

People can have a bit of a bias towards them. I see him being judged by people, they can think he's a bit "weird". However, the other side of people really like him and his company. He's a friendly guy but it seems that other people don't appreciate that. People would also talk about how nice and empathetic is. He does have a sensitive side but can be a great comforter. He's someone that doesn't like conflict and tries to resolve them. He's protective over people he cares about so that's another thing!

Random fact: I see you guys meeting in some sort of group, like you'll be connected to him by someone. This could be in a Virgo like setting (in your day to day life, hospital, etc).

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi 😅 I hope this is okay to ask, I’ll try to be brief but will probably fail at that. Basically I’ve been raised in a Christian household, very conservative too. But I met a far more liberal Christian friend and over time .. sort of am to the point I think I might be left-leaning too (definitely more than my family). This scares me. I don’t want to disappoint my family by being liberal …

She also recently talked to me about evolution which I was never taught about, the most I learned was reading a single textbook that talked about it around college. And … it all makes sense. I even went to the religious science site my dad says proves evolution is false and I can’t find any actual proof evolution is false. Everything is evidence to the contrary and .. I’ve listened to videos about experiments where cells clump together and start getting more complex and it’s honestly so exciting? That’s so cool? But … I can’t help but think of how disappointed my family will be about this, too …

But the worst part .. I’ve been holding off on looking into LGBT stuff because I don’t know what I’ll find. I’ve never had a crush on an actual guy (I’m a girl), even though easily over 20 guys have expressed interest in the past, some just said I was hot and kind of asked me out, others expressed wanting to marry me. I’ve never dated, ever. I only like fictional characters really, and the only strong connection has been literally 12 years of loving a character. My affection for him went into full force when I empathized with him, but I’m also autistic and he’s my special interest, so idk how that factors into it. Some of my friends say I’m demi, but I’ve insisted I’m straight and I’m just picky. I don’t know if I am. I also … have met or been friends with three girls over the years, or presumably girls, that I know I wanted to spend time with or get to know, I’d be nervous around (but I also have anxiety ..) or still think about sometimes. But I don’t think I’d want to have sex with a girl … idk, it’s really confusing because my mom always told me people think they’re LGBT because of wounds, and I definitely have been wounded in the past. But I also … I just don’t feel attracted to most people … but I also can find any person attractive or pretty? I just don’t necessarily want to do anything with them? Like recently I saw a video game character who I felt very Eh about, like he’s pretty I guess, until I learned he has trauma and now he seems more appealing because I empathize with him.

But … I don’t know what to do. My faith is extremely important to me and I know I have to have some sort of spirituality no matter what. But I just … I just can’t be LGBT. It’ll destroy my family and I might not have a place to live if I decide I am. Especially if I got a partner like that. I don’t know … I know I’m already such a disappointment for disagreeing politically and .. probably believing in evolution, and now I need to look into LGBT stuff because I need to know if what I’ve been taught is wrong, but I’m so, so, so scared. I can’t … be this. I just can’t. I don’t know if I am.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a vent and I’m sorry if any language is poorly-worded. I’m living in a constant state of anxiety right now so I am probably saying things wrong and I apologize. I just don’t know what to do. If you read this, thank you - and I hope you have a good day.

I think coming to terms with your identity may help you, even if you don't tell anyone. Your family doesn't have to know until you're ready to tell them, or they never even have to know at all.

It's important to remember that you don't need to rush into anything either. This is a pretty big change from what you described as your lifestyle, so it makes sense that you are having a lot of feelings of anxiety over this. Rushing into a new identity won't help you, especially if you aren't ready for it.

As for you religion, you can be religious and lgbtq, there are plenty of quuer people who are religious, and talking with some of hem might help you. They could give you advice on your family and you identity. Any religious quuer people feel free to reply to this with advice.

[shadowsight-aster]

Hello, I am very much interested in hearing you rant about River Ripple x Grey Wing, pls and thank you. 🙏

I like their interactions with each other more than the moments they have with their canon mates 😅

MY TIME HAS FINALLY COME OH MY GOD YIPPEE YIPPEE AN EXCUSE TO RANT ABOUT MY GUYS!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU ANON!!!!!!!!!!!! ok ok so all of this is going to be really reachy because i'm ill in the brain about these guys but just trust me

(dotc and riverstar's home spoilers beneath)

as i said before, they've got something going on, even from their first (minor) interactions after the fire in clear sky's forest, grey runs to the shore to yowl for his brother...and river is the first to join in, even past his dislike for clear sky. we see from river's perspective that he's worried about grey wing and his asthma after the blaze their relationship really comes out after the great battle, where river does his best to ease grey's grief (taking excerpts from both dotc and riverstar's home)

when river ripple first picks up grey wing's scent heading toward fourtrees, he feels like he *needs* to go to him

grey is literally his destiny i am not making this up

they kitty kiss. THEY CAT KISS. OUGHGHHHHHH IM SO NORMAL ! and grey wing *wants* river to come be with the rest of the mountain cats on the moor even after river declines, grey wing goes on to ask if he'll see him again at the next meeting

then, we skip ahead to the second time river finds grey wing at the grave, panicking because he believes grey to be hurt

river ripple cares about grey wing so much for a cat who makes it VERY clear that he doesn't really enjoy the company of the colony from the mountains bro literally SPEEDS DOWN THE HOLLOW TO GET TO HIM. IT'S. UGH I LOVE THEM this is when river offers grey wing a place in the island camp and. words cannot describe how much exploding i was doing while reading this oh my god

"he has to want this, too." OKAYYYYYYY. OKAY. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE sorry. sorry he's so desperate for his love to be okay again. during these chapters, we're given an insight of grey's time living by the river istg they argue like a married couple i love them

and then, possibly one of my FAVORITE lines from the blazing star:

"you don't need to prove yourself to me." it is an affirmation, it is a confession, it is everything grey needed to hear. he doesn't have to keep pretending to be strong, to be "useful" around river. river sees him for how he is, understands that grey is more than his faults and his illness and his doubts !!!!! he takes him for who he is and expects nothing more. river is doing the bare minimum by being kind to him but like. in a world where your brother is 3 bad days away from murdering you in cold blood and there's a guy trying to take over your entire place of living (twice) and everybody's cold and hungry and mean, it can be a lot more impactful and then THEY KISS. AGAIN. GOD THESE FRUITASTIC CATS

"he'd become a good friend" YEAH. HE'S YOUR HUSBAND, FOOL and then. slate's there...which, again, not to hate the women of warriors cause they get enough flack but slate and grey wing's relationship feels very rushed (like 1-2 pages from 2 chapters rushed. they have two interactions and grey is smitten) and it's a little odd that he's so enamored by sunningrocks cause he *lived by the river* for a good while but i digress grey's our bisexual king and we love that for him and then we move into the aftermath of moth flight's vision, and the discovery of the moonstone. ohhhhh boy. let me tell you. when clear sky and thunder come to deliver the news of grey wing's passing, this is what runs through river's head:

HE'S EXPECTING TO FEEL THAT TUG THAT CALLS HIM TO GREY. THEY'RE. CONNECTED ON SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL LEVEL AND IF THAT'S NOT SOULMATE BEHAVIOR IDK WHAT IS ! and after. ohhhhh man not only is grey one of the nine cats to grant river his lives--

--but ALSO appears for the first time after river drowns trying to save drizzle

nagging his boy because he just lost a life. stars know grey wing was rolling his eyes so hard /j

while it's true that their interactions are few and far between, their dynamic and their relationship is literally everything to me they are so sweet to each other and that is the absolute truth ! they had time to fall in love ON SCREEN, spanning multiple books and did so in a meaningful way i'd like to imagine grey wing fell after being invited to the island, that he realized just how much he loved river as he was leaving and that it only grew stronger in the time they were apart and they connect so easily because they're both striving for the same goal: peace. river understands grey wing because pacifism has been all he's ever known. he emphasizes with grey, understands how hard it is in a world where nobody is willing to listen to you. they find that peace in each other, and it's unlike any kind of calm they've felt before. they love each other like how a moth loves its guiding light, how a current loves its banks, how the sun kisses inch of the world given to it, how hawks breathe in the open sky. they are unconditional in their adoration, even after one has passed young and the other is busied with duties they never asked for. they see each other in the lands that connect them, see silver fur in the eddies of the river, and golden eyes in the sunset that paints the moor warm again. i think they're kind of neat they devistate me. they jostle me around and make me weep so hard into my hands rghghghgh erins i'm tired of crumbs. give me my gay and my lesbian and my diamoric cats NOW ! i've actually been working on an overhaul of dotc and it includes more their love for each other (AND DOESN'T KILL OFF GREY YET BECAUSE I FELT LIKE HIS DEATH WAS TOO SOON PPUNCHING THE AIR)

BY THE WAY. i have a playlist about them smiley and i just want to say they're always very sleeping at last coded but ESPECIALLY light from atlas: i

and also i was an island by john-allison weiss !!!

i will pick apart these songs and do a study on them from a greyripple viewpoint at a later date because this post? is super long. like really fucking long i've been writing this for like 3 hours now (sweats) BUT YEAH !!! those are my thoughts !!!! it's not very coherent cause it's late and i have school in the morning but whatever i will go on about them more soon, specifically in my overhaul of dotc!! which. as an aside, i really *really* love dotc and i think it's overhated and underappreciated i need more animatics about how tragic the early settlers are damn it

[alexbutrandomthoughts]

Thanks for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

OKAY SO I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS CUZ I WAS BUSY IN UNI AND THEN IT JUST GOT ERASED FROM MY MEMORY I AM SO FUCKING SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO LET IT STEW FOR SO LONG

1) Haikyuu!!

Honestly this is just a comfort show for me. No matter how many times i rewatch it, it's always like the first time, even if you know what's about to happen, you still cheer and clap and groan in every match. Just AGAIWBAIWBSKBDIS such a good anime, i bawled my eyes out when i finished the manga, honestly this will go down as one of my favorite anime ever (update: watched the movie, it's good but man i wish we had whole season)

2) Undertale/Deltarune

I cannot beat the weird kid allegations, toby fox has me by my (totally legit) balls. Istg toby fox drugs his games, or else idk how to explain how am i keep coming back to this (lies this franchise and story is just pure masterpiece)

3) Fnaf

Yeah definitely doesn't help the weird kid allegations. Well you know what they say, when you start getting into fnaf you sign off your life into eternal servitude. I would describe my relationship with Fnaf as - toxic ex i keep coming back to. Somehow 8 years of this bullshit and we're still going. Counting animatronic toes and reading yet another wtf is this book

4) Bungoe Stray Dogs

Sighhhhhh. The gayssssss. THE GAAAAAYSSS. But nah honestly it just has everything to get me on the board. The drama, mysteries, pretty WOMEN, silly characters, gut wrenching angst, and of course gay ass mfkas. The manga is better though. I don't consider this a masterpiece (not by a lOng shot) but it a good show to watch and talk about, the characters are all fun and silly, cliche at times but nonetheless entertaining and the fan work is just CHEF'S KISS

5) Frieren: Beyond Journey's End

This is a relatively new one but GOD. DAMN. HOW DOES JUST MAKE THIS MASTERPIECE. IT'S SO GOOD. THE EMOTIONS THE PLOT THE CHARACTERS. HOW DOES ONE EXECUTE EVERYTHING SO PERFECTLY AND JUST LEAVES YOU CRYING AND SOBBING MESS BUT IN A GOOD WAY. Genuinely consider this one of the modern classics that will be talked about in years to come. Exploring the how would an immortal perceives time, is not something everyone (or anyone) really explores in fantasy stories but damn frieren absolutely slays with it. Not cherishing the people she was with only to realize how much they meant to her when it was too late, and they're already gone, is just so. UGH. AND THEN SHE SLOWLY LEARNS TO CHANGE AND APPRECIATE THE WORLD AND PEOPLE AROUND HER WHILE GOING THROUGH THE OLD MEMORIES IAISBSJSBSNSNKS. anyway. I do recommend frieren (they better announce that second season)

6) The Apothecary diaries

Also one of the recent ones. What can i say when we get an imperial china not china setting, with inner palace politics, hierarchies and murder mysteries, packed with probably the greatest female protagonist we had in how many years? How can not love it? Maomao my personal spiritual animal. She is just such a compelling character and breath of fresh air in anime community cuz god knows we need more of em. She just feels so real compare to what we usually, she is just one or the girls and that is beautiful. There are of course others aspects of this show that i like but honestly she is probably the main reason this show is just UGH so good

7) Stanley Parable

Okay, this is a bit of an odd one, but hear me out. This game is so GOOOOD. I remember playing way back when, and it was just so different than anything else that was coming out at the time. The meta narrative of this game was truly amazing, the amount options we had and so many interesting dialogs, the THINGS TO EXPLOREE. I also just loved the narrator, he is so goddamn funny, the banter with Henry (even though it's one sided) is still great

These are the ones i can think of, honestly, there are probably others but i cannot remember them rn

[stupidscav]

In your description it says you identify as otherkin, cryptidkin, and divinekin, and I’m just curious about what that means to you, as I don’t know too much about this subject.

hello tysm for the ask!! sorry I'm not the best on this subject because I'm still very unsure about my identity but I will try my best! I might get some stuff wrong tho :')

Otherkin is identifying as something other than human. For earthen animals, the more specific term is Therian, which I may be but I'm just not sure anymore lol. As for cryptidkin, I'm not sure anymore? I think it relates to this weird feeling I have, im not sure how to describe it. It's like an odd feeling of comfort and horror that I really resonate with, I also have this image of myself (which I will link here) but that is also partly how I view my deitykin. I think it's both spiritual and psychological that causes me to identify this way. Deitykin is also hard to explain but basically, it's this strange disconnected and low-key hatred for humans (more so the things that humans do, not just humans themselves. I don't hate everyone! Just the bitchy ones ig idk how to describe that). It might also have to do with my cryptidkin, or I might not even be cryptidkin and it might just be deitykin instead. I kind of have this story that I'm not sure of its origins anymore, not really a memory but it's more like me trying to make sense of why I'm here. I'm a little too tired to explain in too much clearer detail so I apologize for that lol. But it's this feeling of attunement and divinity, I guess (I'm really trying to not sound like I'm arrogant because I'm not, I don't view myself as above human lives, or anything's lives really.) I kind of know who I used to be and what I was like, unfortunately I was being too silly about my disdain for humans that they kinda just kicked me out of deity club🔥 basically. This one is almost entirely spiritual. (Bro I forgot to mention, I'm pretty sure I was a god of strong weather, like tornadoes and thunderstorms specifically. I was not a high ranking deity, but still there, idk.) Sorry if this is a ramble because I uh.. I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I hope this helps maybe? Again TYSM for the ask I love asks!!!!