#it gets worse the more i care about someone and is the most violently upsetting with FPs

[prismatoxic]

bpd is super cool and fun bc if i am attached to someone and they like someone else more than me, i either:

resent the person i have never met (bc they're better than me)

resent the person i am attached to (bc they don't like me more)

OR

resent myself (for not being good enough)

and it usually happens bc the other person has a fucking romantic interest in the person they "like more". fam i do not even want that with you why am i acting like it's a competition

it also happens with best friends though. like. why does my little pea brain think i need to be the ~best friend~ of everyone i latch onto like a parasitic worm. that's too many people i can't be a best friend every time

and on one memorable occasion, i felt it about a FUCKING CAT, which is all new levels of pathetic (me and the cat became friends though)

[melonnabar]

MATT MURDOCK BPD STUDY??

From what I gauge with my own personal experience with having BPD, I think Matt possesses some borderline tendencies. I’m not diagnosing him really, mainly because while I have BPD, I am not a professional and not every one person’s experience with the disorder is the same as mine. Most of this is comparing the symptoms I have with some of the observations I’ve made with Matt from both the comics and the mcu show (and maybe a lil projection LOL)?? Will dump random comic panels in here as well :0

For a lot of people that have BPD, the main driving factors for 90% of everything is an intense fear of abandonment and a lack of self-worth.

Matt I think, does have a fear of abandonment, and it manifests in the form of him pushing others away despite him wanting otherwise. He assumes they’ll all just hate/reject him anyway. And this, he tells a lot of lies, keeps a lot of secrets from the people he cares about the most out of the fear that they might hate him and leave him even if it proves to be counterproductive. He wants to love people, and he wants to be loved back, but his fear of intimacy keeps him isolated from the people closest to him.

A lot of that definitely has to do with his mom abandoning him as a child, his father dying, and being raised by Stick. Stick beat into his brain that he should never trust people, that they’ll end up hurting him and leaving him anyway if they found out about what he was truly capable of with his senses, so why bother? (This is something shown more prominently in the show) And then he goes and abandons him too. That, and the prolonged verbal abuse from the only person he had left to latch onto definitely fucked up his brain.

When put into potentially triggering situations (such as being scrutinized/criticized by the people who care about him) I’ve recognized that he reacts like a person who’s been perpetually stuck with the defense mechanisms they’ve never grown out of as a child. As a kid, he wasn’t exactly allowed to lash out, to be upset, to have his feelings validated as a real person, and so all of that buildup he never got to properly experienced inevitably seeped into his adult life.

His self worth is basically nonexistent. He believes that he’s the devil, and as mentioned before, undeserving of any kind of love and attention from people. I also find it fascinating with the way he acts around different people. Most people generally do act differently depending on who they are hanging out with, but Matt transforms into a completely different person. Foggy has pointed out that when Matt is with Elektra, he becomes a worse person– that he gets more reckless, impulsive, and violent when he’s with her. I definitely believe that Matt was ‘living’ through his deep attachment to Elektra.

Matt suffers from a pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships. He either leaves them or fucks up something in the relationship (What Matt did to Milla as an example 😭) , they leave him, or they get killed. A lot of the turbulence in his relationships have to do with his mindset of his unwillingness to believe that they would choose to be with someone like him. It’s the “you’ll get hurt because of me” and the “why would you love a mess like me?” He’ll frequently get into heated arguments with the people around him, and sometimes he’ll end up saying something that’ll drive them out of his life. Matt will always regret it after, but will convince himself to avoid any further confrontations in a stressful situation because he doesn’t want to cause anymore trouble.

This pattern of thinking is pretty synonymous with the extremes of idealization and devaluation as well. Take his relationship with Foggy for example. Matt can go from putting Foggy on a pedestal and treating him as his “favorite person” to immediately holding contempt towards him and scowling at him (sometimes leaving too). He treats a lot of his his romantic partners like this too.

He is obviously extremely impulsive and is prone to fits of anger and violence. His entire nighttime career is dedicated to risky behavior and putting himself in a place where he’s literally just fighting the entire world even if he’s bleeding out half of the time. He knows that he’s slowly killing himself by going out and doing the things no one ever asked him to do, that he’s hurting himself, his relationships, his livelihood, but he can’t stop. I’m also 100% sure he experiences suicidal ideation straight up as well (it’s more explicitly shown/mentioned in the comics??)

Savior complex aside also, I think Matt only feels alive when he’s out there helping people, which in turn helps him cope with a lot of his psychological issues. I think feeling helpless and not doing enough is something that’ll eat away at him constantly if he doesn’t put on the suit.

Idk, sorry for the long rant?? I rly wanted to get this out for awhile, hope this is somewhat comprehensible 😭😭

[qweerhet]

i do think that the abolitionists who cling to the "it's simple, just kick abusers/assaulters/rapists/murderers out of the community" line are just... usually people who have never had the experience of someone they deeply, deeply care for, someone they have committed their life to, committing serious and egregious harm. (that, or they have, and like anti-abortion folks who get abortions for themselves when push comes to shove, they come up with narratives about how their situation was the most singular and special situation in the entire world, and nothing else like that could ever happen to anyone else.)

but like... when you run into that situation IRL, you generally find it's not ever as simple as kicking someone out, or rolling up with your crew and beating them until they promise to move somewhere else. they have complex relationships within the community, some of which aren't going to be willing to cut them off entirely no matter what they did. family relationships--regardless of biology, "family" in the broader sense of "chosen bonds of unconditional love and lifelong commitment"--are notably often capable of weathering severe strain, and that can include shit like "you're still my sister even if you murdered someone."

and people who commit harm IRL have complex and multifaceted reasons for committing that harm, some of which can be systemic in nature. this isn't to say that the harm doesn't exist, or that their actions are excused or justified by those reasons, but when you have an intimate relationship with someone and are privy to the complexities of the situation, those reasons do often materially complicate situations beyond just "beat the villain up and save the victims." if the serious harm someone is enacting is materially pressured by systemic factors, it's incredibly unlikely that it will change or stop if they're forced to move cities and cut off from their former relationships. in fact, when we're talking about abuse and trauma that's partially enacted due to material systemic pressure, it's more likely that someone will become even more unstable and volatile when forced to rebuild their life, and continue to enact even worse harm due to their decreased supports and increased vulnerability.

like... we're all damn well aware that when we, as abolitionists, talk about this shit, we're not talking about jeff bezos. we're not even talking about joe smith two neighborhoods over with a six-figure salaried position and a 401k that he started in the 70s. we're talking about the people in our abolitionist communities, who are victim to generational poverty, who are usually disabled, trans, nonwhite. we're people who don't have the option to just find a new job and start over in a new city one day. and we're people who exist at the nexus of intense, violent societal pressures pushing us to harm one another, to use what little hierarchical power we can get against each other, to commit real and lasting violent harm. that shit is complex in reality. that shit isn't addressed by a pithy "kill your local rapist" patch or a tweet questioning why anyone's still talking to [insert transfem who abused someone here].

and like. it's hard! it's upsetting and difficult and miserable to get into the weeds of "why did someone do what awful thing they did and how do we actually materially reduce the likelihood of that happening." because the answers usually don't involve forcing them to move or forcing everyone who speaks to them to cut them off or beating them, in reality, and even though those answers feel good and feel like real solutions, they're not only unrealistic, they also usually actually make future harm of the same kind more likely. and it's hard to wrap our heads around the fact that people will continue to hurt each other in profoundly horrific ways until we learn to dismantle the systems enabling that harm and heal the dysfunction within individuals that makes them feel like that harm was justifiable and necessary. that sucks. but in the end, i think it's the only... realistic way forward? because the ~just kick em out~ ~just kill em~ line is so, so ungrounded in reality.

[11queensupreme11]

While I was reading your old posts another idea for an AU came to mind, this is a pretty dark be brave and read this

The Soul Swap/Possession AU:

In a previous post someone gave the idea of ​​Percy dying in the pjo world and having his soul stolen from the underworld by suitors

Percy returned to her world, and during a battle she was hit violently in the back and died, the suitors watched this in pure agony without being able to interfere, when they managed to open a portal to invade the pjo world it was already too late and Percy's soul had already been sent to the underworld

Not accepting this ending, the suitors invade the underworld and steal Percy's soul and take it back to the ror universe.

First they meet in a council to decide how they will proceed, all the gods are very upset and worried about Percy, his body was completely destroyed and all that remains was his soul, everyone is giving ideas on what to do until that at some point a "God" proposes the best solution

What if they create a new child body and put Percy's soul in it? Getting someone pregnant to give Percy a new life seems like a great idea never mind that the idea of ​​forcing someone to get pregnant or ripping a baby's soul out of their body to give to someone else is beyond cruel and unethical

They make a selection of the female ,goddesses and nymphs, who are most physically similar to Percy.

They choose a candidate and after much, much MORE EFFORT, Poseidon manages to convince his “little friend” to toughen up ALL for his beloved Percy, he manages to get the candidate pregnant or maybe simply pour it into a small pot and Beelzebub takes the seed with a medical syringe and presents it to the candidate so that he does not have to commit "adultery"

Well, after the pregnancy is confirmed, tests and experiments begin on the candidate, Beelzebub begins to do all kinds of experiments and modifications on the fetus to ensure that the baby is a girl and that she has a physical appearance identical to Percy Adriana Lima

No one cares about the happiness or consent of the chosen candidate gods know what consent is? They only care about the health and appearance of the child not because they care or love the child, they just need the child to be viable as a vessel for Percy's soul

For nine months the chosen candidate undergoes several experiments and tests unlike the scenario where Beelzebub tests his own children within Percy, here he doesn't care about the candidate so causing her pain or discomfort makes no difference to him, poor woman, when she is not suffering in Beelzebub's laboratory she is having the healthiest pregnancy possible as she is constantly under the care of the Gods of medicine of all pantheons

she also spends her entire pregnancy suffering psychological abuse because she knows that as soon as her baby is born he will be killed perhaps she will also be killed since she will no longer be useful she knows that absolutely no one cares about her, she has to live with the constant hatred of Poseidon who only tolerates her because she is pregnant with Percy's future new body, everyone treats her with indifference and only addresses her to talk about the child in her womb

She has to attend monthly meetings where the gods talk about her child as if she were just a lab rat, they just talk about how the pregnancy is going and how much the baby has grown, whether the baby is healthy and how they will perform the possession ritual They always ask how is Percy's body?, Is Percy's body healthy? How long will it take until Percy's body is ready?

It would be even worse if during the months of pregnancy she started to truly love her baby, she just had to sit and listen in silence as everyone around her planned to kill and replace her daughter, she had to listen to the gods talk about her baby like If he was nothing more than an object, they talk about your baby like her soul was disposable

Maybe she tries to ask the Valkyries for help, ask them to help her escape, help save her baby but they refuse maybe because they really like Percy or maybe it's because it was Bruhilde who proposed the idea of ​​creating a new body for Percy, perhaps because she was the one who chose the ideal candidate whose daughter's body would be compatible with Percy's soul, perhaps because she bargained for Percy's rebirth for another thousand years of humanity's existence

It would be like one of those mother-of-manhua situations where they are pregnant and then discover that their cheating husbands have a lover who carries out an evil plan to kill her, except in this situation the mother is a minor goddess or a nymph whose chances of go back in time to get revenge and save her baby are -1000000000, in other words IMPOSSIBLE

After his failed escape attempt, the guards and gods around him became even more suffocating and cruel You can't convince me that Loki wouldn't spend the nine months verbally abusing the poor goddess/nymph while monitoring the baby's health until the moment of birth arrived

As soon as the baby is born, she is ripped from her mother's arms and taken to a room where the gods perform a ritual in which her little soul is ripped from her body and is replaced by Percy's soul

Now Poseidon is lovingly holding the baby. Percy in her arms while being surrounded by the other yanderes who are cooing and crying with happiness all this while in the background a goddess/nymph screams and cries in pain over the death of her daughter who didn't even have the chance to see the world, the poor thing died at the hands of her own father and EVERYONE is happy about that

Poseidon fulfills his wish of having been part of Percy's childhood and you can't walk down a hallway in Atlântica without seeing a portrait of her

Percy has his memories sealed since her tiny brain couldn't handle so much information but they eventually manifest themselves in dreams and dreams, she still has the same personality and morals because consequently she is still attached to her human morals from her past human life.

However, in the future if somehow Percy will be able to recover all her memories and discover how exactly she came back to life which I doubt because I bet all the gods would create a pact where they would promise not to mention a single word about what happened, but I imagine that in an act of revenge the mother of Percy's body would tell her the truth she would feel an overwhelming guilt for having indirectly killed and stolen the body of a little child

I feel like this scenario got really dark really fast.

this scenario is actually similar to a manhua I read where the female protagonist finds out that she and her baby were sacrificed by the temple so she only has a few months to save herself and her baby except in this case she failed

THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST THING I EVER READ HOLY FUCKING SHIT

NO SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO SCRUMPTIOUSLY DARK OMG

IMAGINE HOW MUCH WORSE THE ROR CHARACTERS ARE GONNA BE??? NOT EVEN JUST THE YANDERES, BUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS TOO

THEY JUST WITNESSED PERCY DIE, BUT THEY MANAGED TO GET HER BACK AGAIN BUT AS A BABY THIS TIME

THIS GIRL IS GONNA BE SOOO FUCKING SHELTERED. LIKE MIZUHIME FROM TSUNAMI BUT 100% WORSE CUZ EVERYONE'S GONNA BE COLLECTIVELY WORKING TOGETHER TO GROOM AND MANIPULATE THIS GIRL

I LOVE THE IDEA OF HER GRADUALLY DEVELOPING HER ORIGINAL PERSONALITY, BUT SHE'S GONNA BE VERY VERY IGNORANT AND NAIVE BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH SHE'S BEING CODDLED AND SHELTERED

ALSO IMAGINE SHE SOMETIMES GETS GLIMPSES OF HER PAST THROUGH HER SLEEP AND POSEIDON'S ALL "oh it's just a bad dream, princess 🥺" BUT HE'S FREAKING OUT AT THE THOUGHT OF HER REGAINING HER MEMORIES SO HE LIKE FUCKING SCHEMES TO MESS WITH HER MIND AGAIN OR SOMETHING

I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH OMG

[s1lly-gh02tz]

So I made a hc/rant/character analysis on spamton a few weeks ago and after reading over Jevil’s wiki page I decided to make one for him🥳

Personality:

I see Jevil as a pretty childish person. He struggles to take things seriously and he always jokes around during serious situations, even before he lost grasp of himself. He also does things very impulsively. If it comes to mind, he’ll do it without a second thought. It usually ends up with somebody getting physically hurt.

Jevil isn’t a very emotional person. He doesn’t really understand that what he’s been through and his emotions mean so he doesn’t really feel sad about it. However while he is “free” he does feel very lonely and everything he’s been through finally hits him. He realizes that he’s screwed up. He’s upset for a while but then he realizes it doesn’t matter. Everything’s just a game. He can do whatever he wants. This also means he ignores his emotions sometimes and does things to his absolute limits.

Story:

I see Seam as more of a friend/parental figure towards Jevil. I see Seam a lot older than Jevil and a lot more responsible and caring. They’re able to keep Jevil out of as much trouble as possible. The both of them always enjoyed playing games together, while that either playing literal games, doing tricks using their powers or fighting each other (but never actually hurting eachother)

The two were very well known and successful as entertainers. They would always perform for the king and large crowds and they loved it. Seam would for example, “cut Jevil in half” like that one magic trick. Jevil would juggle different things Seam threw at him etc etc.

Eventually when one day Jevil met that someone it entirely changed his view of the world. Although before he was childish, impulsive, and could never take things seriously all of these qualities basically doubled. He would speak very fast and always repeat words, making it a tad hard to understand sometimes. Seam became worried as time went on until one day Jevil took things too far, probably hurting someone.

This broke out a fight between them, first with yelling, and ending violently. Both of them were very skilled fighters, however Jevil had Seam beat. After a long, bloody battle Jevil swung the Devilsknife and took out the button in Seam’s eye, worsening their sight in that eye. Finally Jevil snapped out of his insanity for a moment. He couldn’t believe what he had done. He didn’t know how to feel.

Before things got any worse he was locked away in the castle. While in prison, the loneliness only made him drift further and further into insanity. He realized that he was the only one truly free. He was the only one who knew that everything was truly just a game. He could do anything while in there.

Although he laughed everything off, as I stated he missed everyone. He missed his friends, he missed Seam. But although he didn’t want to admit it, he was scared to see them again. He knew what he did was awful.

Other relationships:

OK OK SO THIS SECTION IS VERY HEADCANONY. NONE OF THIS (Or most atleast) ISNT CANON😫

anyways spamvil time🥳

so I’ve already said before what I think their relationship was before and after and how they met in my Spamton “analysis/headcanon” post. However I want to talk about what happened after they divorced.

While Jevil was in prison, he looked back on a lot of things, Spamton being one of them. They both really loved eachother. However when the both were driven into insanity, they couldn’t handle each other. Both of them weren’t themselves. Besides the two are actually pretty different if you think about it. For example, Spamton doesn’t feel in control. He’s a puppet. Jevil however is the opposite. He feels in control and that whatever he does, doesn’t matter. He can do whatever and it won’t affect anything.

Ok no more spamvil ☹️ seam time 🔥

As I said before I see seam as a parental figure towards Jevil. they took care of him and kept him safe. They were a great parent, however they couldn’t handle him after he met that person.

I don’t exactly know how Seam met Jevil but for a while Jevil helped Seam run their shop. Seam themself didn’t really have many friends, nor did they really want any. They liked being alone. However, they very much enjoyed Jevil’s company. He could really brighten seam’s day.

After all that shit happened, Jevil was fought and defeated, I feel like him and Seam reunited. Again, I haven’t really thought of how but maybe it would go along unexpectedly. Like Jevil could just be strolling around the kingdom and unexpectedly run into Seam’s shop. He didn’t really know what to do but he knew it would be best for him to just keep walking. He didn’t want to see what he had done to Seam, because he had blocked out as much of the memory as possible. However Seam did see Jevil outside.

Seam stepped out and called Jevil back. Jevil, for one of the first times ever, was scared. He looked Seam in the eyes and felt a wave of sadness and guilt. He saw the tear in Seam’s eye. The stitches holding together their fur. Unexpectedly, Seam was excited to see him. They hugged him and told Jevil how much they’d missed him. Jevil completely broke down, apologizing profusely for what he’d done. He cared about Seam more than anything. Seam had done so much for him. But Seam wasn’t mad. Seam realized what had happened to Jevil. They knew something had happened to make him that way

They hugged it out and stuff and they’re good now😸

Ok that’s about it! Lmk if anything’s screwed up bc I literally just came up with all of this on the spot😎

[cosmicjoke]

I think what a lot of people maybe don’t understand about Levi’s final interaction with Hange is that, it wasn’t because he was MORE upset about her impending sacrifice than any of his other comrades, including Erwin, it was simply that it was basically the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.  I keep seeing people talk about how this situation was different than the one with Erwin, because Levi ordered Erwin to make the charge with the new recruits, while he had to be convinced by Hange to let her go.  The problem I have with this framing of it is that it makes it seem like Levi didn’t feel equally upset at having to let Erwin sacrifice himself.  I feel like this goes back to my posts about the problems with shipping, and how it skews a person’s ability to objectively view what’s going on in any given scene or situation of the story.  Levi was OBVIOUSLY deeply upset at having to let Erwin go.  You can see that in the build up, and even the aftermath to him giving the order.  He trails after Erwin as Erwin explains his plan, and he has a similarly resigned and grief stricken look on his face during the course of it, before he finally accepts it and resolves himself to give Erwin the order, that familiar, stoic mask coming down over his face. 

But if you don’t think that this was every bit as hard for Levi as letting Hange go, well, I just have to say I don’t think you understand Levi’s character at all.  The entire core of Levi’s character revolves around his need to use his strength to help people.  He basically defines himself and his worth by whether he can save people’s lives or not.  And it’s absolutely devastating to him every time he can’t.  That’s the point.  There’s nothing worse for Levi than to have to accept there’s nothing he can do to save the life of someone he cares about, or even just a strangers life.  There’s nothing more upsetting to him than death in general.  He wants desperately to prevent it whenever he can.  It’s why he constantly orders his soldiers not to die.  It’s why he tried to take on the burden of killing as many of the five meter titans Zeke sent their way as he could, so that the new recruits wouldn’t have to engage and get killed, and why he wanted so badly to get to the other side of the wall in Shinganshina to help Hange and her squad.  It’s why Levi was so upset during the battle with the Female Titan in Trost, when he couldn’t join in and prevent others from getting hurt or killed.  Levi’s loathes death.  It’s why I always say he’s the character in AoT that’s most representative of the sanctity of life, and the value inherent in it, and why he’s also the character that most closely embodies the classic hero.  Some might call that ironic, given Levi’s also maybe the most violent character in AoT, other than Eren.  But then, that’s just further proof of his actual complexity and depth as a character.  That Levi both understands and accepts the brutal and unforgiving reality of the world and of nature, while at the same time, finding it so objectionable and wishing with all his heart to change it in whatever way he can.  He embodies the very notion of valuing life and treating it as something worth protecting and preserving.  It’s also why I always say, out of everyone in AoT, Levi’s suffered and sacrificed maybe the most, exactly because he constantly has to set aside his revulsion and horror at death in the hope of achieving freedom for humanity.  And not just freedom from the walls, but to gain freedom of choice and freedom of living.  He knows there’s nothing he can do to stop people from killing each other.  That’s human nature and he was raised in the bleakness of that reality.  But like he tells Historia and the rest of the 104th, he can at least stop them from losing their lives to something outside of their control and own choices.  He wants to prevent death in any way he can.  He wants to save lives.  Yet he has to make that choice again and again and again, to let others die so that more people can live.  The burden and damage this causes to Levi can’t be overstated, and yet is rarely, I think, understood or appreciated.

Back to my original point.  He didn’t order Erwin to his death with cold-hearted resolve.  He just ordered him with simple resolve, because that’s what Levi always does.  He accepts reality and stiffens himself against his emotions so that he can carry on with his duty.  But he doesn’t stop feeling, and that resolve doesn’t indicate a lack of emotion or of being affected on Levi’s part.  It’s a simple putting away of his emotions, into a place inside of himself where they won’t reach the surface and impair his judgment.  What makes the situation with Hange different, isn’t that he cared more about Hange than Erwin, or was more distraught at her death than Erwin’s.  It’s that it had just simply reached a tipping point for Levi.  Hange was the last remaining veteran beside Levi himself.  Everyone else was gone.  Countless other comrades had died in the service of a dream which had turned into an outright nightmare.  Levi himself was in the totally unfamiliar position of not being able to do much physically to help, and he was about to lose the last, real friend he had in the world.  His show of emotion in the scene with Hange, and afterward, is a symptom of Levi’s resolve finally beginning to crack under the weight of years upon years of impossible grief and setting aside his own, natural aversion to death in service to an impossible to achieve goal.  It was a culmination of EVERY loss he’d experienced and suffered up to that point.  It was the burden of every life he’d been unable to save bearing down on him.  Hange was simply the final blow which at last had Levi buckling under the assault of his own trauma.  That’s not to say Hange’s death wasn’t every bit as awful and impactful and heartbreaking for Levi as Erwin’s, or anyone else’.  Of course it was.  But again, I feel like people’s desire to believe Levi and Hange are in some sort of romantic relationship often obscures their ability to read things accurately, and in turn, it makes Levi out to be somehow callous or unfeeling toward others of his comrades and their deaths, when he never, EVER was. 

And yet still, somehow, Levi DOES manage to resolve himself, even after Hange’s death.  He begins to buckle, but he never does quite break.  People are complaining about the most recent episode of AoT, and Levi’s “angry eyes” after he accepts Hange’s sacrifice.  Of course, the art style doesn’t convey the subtle sadness in Levi’s expression as well as Isayama’s illustrations.  But Levi isn’t angry, and I don’t think the animation at all conveys or intended to convey that he is either.  He’s resolved.  We see that same resolve in the manga panels too, that coming down of the stoic mask, just like with Erwin, just like with his old squad, just like with the soldiers in the forest, etc...  He knows he has to be resolved, because he isn’t done fighting for everyone else’ lives and dreams.  We see that resolve manifest as stoicism, or a hardened look.  But never once would someone who knew the first thing about Levi’s character think it was because he felt indifferent or hateful or angry.  They would know it’s simply Levi’s way of coping with his pain in the service of his duty and in the face of impossible odds.  It’s his way of continuing to fight. 

[brandnewhuman]

WORTHY OF LOVE

Pairings: Brahms Heelshire x Reader

Tw: canon violence, implied child abuse, toxic relationships (mentioned) and other stuff. Honestly this is a slasher fanfic, that should be a warning on it's own.

Summary: Brahms finds himself having trouble to accept that even if you have stayed you're not loving him how he wants

A/N: i just wanted an excuse to self indulge and giving my stinky wall gremlin a hug. Also fuck the heelshires, I'll never going to believe brahms killed Emily, his parents are piles of garbage.

Since Brahms has showed himself to you after the whole abusive ex boyfriend situation things have been... well not exactly great. You stayed, of course. Not that you had much of choice cause the moment you saw Brahms and what he was really capable of, you didn't want to test your luck by trying to run away. Besides, aren't you the one who asked him for help? Didn't he at least try to just scare off your boyfriend first? And if you were to bs honest Brahms appeared only when your ex started to get violent. Maybe killing someone wasn't the right way to put an end to the situation but if Brahms didn't do what he did, can you say for sure that your ex boyfriend wouldn't have tried to hurt you or worse?

Being so rational about it didn't help to calm down your mind. Your thoughts and emotions were bouncing from place to place, from betrayal to fear, from understanding and sympathy to hate and resentment. All this time thinking you were just amusing the grief driven delusions of an old couple by doing all those chores and attending to a doll. They took advantage of your kindness and you, like the fool you are, didn't put the pieces together to see that they were trying to trick you. You were so angry at yourself for not even question the weird rules or the strange things that happened during you stay. You were so wrapped up in your own bubble of loneliness that in the end you found a bizarre comfort in living with the doll and having to care for it. They all, but most importantly he, took the opportunity to use your weakness against you.

Then everytime you thought about how disturbing was the knowledge of realising a grown, and very much alive, man was stalking you from behind the walls your mind pulled you back to a much more twisted realisation. They locked him in the walls, their own son forced not to only to cut any contact with the outside world but having to hide in his own house too. A child, not being allowed to even live between the walls of his home, forced to being forgotten and ignored by everyone. He wasn't dead but he certainly was a ghost of himself, just a figment inside the mind of his parents as they rather preferred to tend and love a doll than their own son.

How could someone even think about doing something like that? How can you be willing to break your own child like that. That's when everything started to get confusing; that's when you started to see the stalking and the lies from his part as something sad rather than disturbing or upsetting. He was trapped as much as you were.

This is what made your choice of not running away much more definitive. Cause even in your fuzzy and scared state your mind worked at the speed of light, putting every piece together, adding reasons, putting on blames and taking them off.

Now that didn't help the fact that Brahms, sad as it was his story, was not mentally stable. He just killed a man in front of you and acted as if nothing bad had happened. Not even as much as flinching when he had to help you dispose the body just to ask without any remorse or shame for his goodnight kiss after you have tucked him in his bed.

It has been a few weeks after that night and you hoped, for the sake of your own mental stability, that things would fall somewhat into a normal state again. As usual in your life, that wasn't the case. You have to say that making everything so weird and tense has been a job in which you and Brahms both excelled. You by being distant and on the edge everytime he was near you, allow him barely the goodnight kiss just because it was on the rules, and he being well just being Brahms.

There's only so much he lets you get away with without throwing a tantrum. You have learned the hard way that patience was not part of Brahms qualities. He knows how much power he has on you and you, initially, thought he was abusing it by throwing fits to get what he wanted. Everytime he did as much as raising his voice you were already shaking and backing away, fearing for your life.

However after a while, you decided you weren't going to have none of that anymore. The reason you applied to this job was to get away from all the stress and abuse you were suffering at home with your ex, not to have another man child treating you like this. Everytime he started you were quick to bite back without holding one bit of what you had to say. You tried everything and in the end the only thing that seemed to work was reminding him that he was not being good, almost guilt tripping him for being this harsh with you without any reason, reminding him that if he didn't behave then you would have to stop the goodnight kisses. That always managed not to calm him down or get a sorry from him but at least to make him tone down the tantrum to a manageable level. You didn't give him any sign of affection or care so he was not going to risk the only physical contact he could get from you.

You knew, deep inside, how unfair was to threat him with taking away your "affections" as a way to get him to behave. You weren't being any better than his parents but you always excused yourself saying that you were actually doing what he wanted but he still treated you bad. Sometimes you wondered if maybe he was just getting tired of you already and you dreaded the thought of what that might lead to.

Then on day it became painfully obvious what was happening. It seems you have been taking the habit of being oblivious about everything around you cause lately realisations have been punching you in the face too late for your liking.

He wasn't getting tired of you and he certainly wasn't displeased with how you were doing the chores. What was upsetting his inner peace was just the lack of...love in your actions. He has been watching you since day one of your stay in the manor, bathing in your care and love. Everything you did to, with or for his doll you did it with such warm and love that he was almost tempted of just throwing away the damn doll and taking for himself all the attention. The way your face brightened up when you danced with the doll, when you told him everything that was on your mind, the nights where you read him stories and decided on your own to stay with him for the night just to make sure you were there if he needed anything. Everytime he did something nice for you your reactions were enough to make it all worth it.

He just craved that love, that unconditional feeling that didn't require from him anything more than what he was or what he was doing. He wanted you to be as happy as you were around him, needed to experience those joyful moments you had with the doll himself. Brahms was actually trying hard to make of himself someone you could look out for to feel safe and happy. Every effort he put always seemed to have the opposite reaction from you, every thing he did now was only pushing you more and more away from him and that scared him.

His whole life all he knew was rejection and fear, judgement for everything he has ever done. Not one single person believed he could've been good, that he wasn't the monster everyone seemed to make out of him. His parents for instance never believing him about having nothing to do with the death of emily. All his life has been a race to be good enough to win the love of the ones he cared for. He knows what people scared of him, forced to care, end up doing to be free from him and from everything that comes from being around him. For once in his life he's not doing everything only for himself but for the sake of keeping you alive too.

And that's what breaks you down completely. Having missed every sign, every detail. Been so enveloped in your own thoughts and distrust that you didn't consider that maybe he was in fact keeping his words of being good to you. To think that the only thing you needed for him to stop being so irrationally (now with reason) angry was just letting him in. All he wants from you is just to allow him to be close without having to fight for it anymore.

Now that you looked at him, even with the mask on, you could see how exhausted he really was. You have been able to force him to take a bath and change into clean clothes, the whole time he seemed at peace, in his mind he was just pretending the circumstances were different and that everything was as it was before.

He was seating in one of the armchair in the living room, his posture was slightly slouched forwards, probably because of his height and the tension he's always carrying with him. His head was hanging low, his eyes hiding behind the few dark curls that were dangling in front of them. He was worn out from your last argument and it showed in the way his chest raised and fell heavily. Actually you noticed that maybe he was just trying to hold back the tears giving that his breaths were a little bit shaky.

You stood there for what felt an eternity, mustering the confidence you need to not stutter "brahms?... "

His head almost instantly snapped towards you and he was quick to stand in all his height. He didn't make any move towards you and for that you were grateful cause you needed the momentary distance to focus on what you had to do.

You opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to find the words to convey what you were feeling but nothing actually came out, because nothing was good enough. A sorry was not going to do it, an explanation would sound like you were trying to avoid taking responsibility and now was too late to actually give up.

With this in mind you just hold out your hands for him to take them. He tilted his head slightly, trying to understand if this was just something to trick him. Cautiously he started to walk towards you, holding his breath both in anticipation of your touch and in fear of being betrayed somehow. You didn't move from where you stood, leaving him the time to get close when he was ready. You watched as his long and surprisingly soft fingers slowly brushed your much smaller ones. With a slight hesitation and prudence he took your hands, studying them almost to memorise every detail in them. He was so gentle and precise with his touch and only when he deemed that it was appropriate to let his guard down he lifted his gaze to you.

When he gave you his permission, you started to move towards him, measuring every motion you did to not scare him off. Finally he felt your arms wrap around him, putting a hand behind both of his shoulders to pull him closer to you, trying to envelope him as best as you could being much short than him. You placed your ear against his chest, now being able to listen to his heart speeding up so much that you almost worried. His scent invaded your senses and clouded partially your mind with tones of clean laundry and your vanilla bodywash.

He on the other hand was not functioning anymore. He could feel his core trembling and threatening to crumble down at any minute. His thoughts weren't clear enough nor moving at a normal pace for him to understand what was going on.

You expected him to not react instantly so closing your eyes to summon some courage you spoke "I.. I haven't been the nicest to you, right? I know...I've been mean and distant and I'm really...really sorry Brahms."

That was it. That was pushed him over and left the barriers ,that were holding him and his tear together, break down. His arms were almost immediately engulfing you and the coldness of his mask let itself known when he hided his head on the crook of your neck, wetting your skin with hot tears. You could feel his shoulders trembling and silent sobs escaping from his mouth. You just left him hug you tightly, lifting you slightly to better hold you without having to bend too much while you gently run your fingers through his hair.

You would be lying if you said you weren't enjoying this too. Truth be told, you really missed brahms and not only him, you missed having someone who needed you. Someone who loved you even when you didn't love yourself. You've missed feeling happy first thing in the morning cause you had someone to wake up for and he certainly missed being the reason of your happiness.

You knew the world has not been nice with him and neither with you, the scars that his living time had left on him are more than what you can physically see and you were willing to be there for him and to learn to love every part of him. You were not going to deny him the affection and care he needed any longer.

And that's what you did, spending your days in making sure he felt loved and cared. Giving him reassurance for everything and slowly working through things that pained him dearly. He spent his days showing his love for you bluntly and without any restriction. Having you around has gave him for the first time the opportunity to actually be a real person, taking space and being seen without having to feel ashamed. Life and most importantly the privilege of being loved were not a competition anymore.

[scalamore]

Thoughts on the latest Ch 110

If I were a manhwa reader, I think I would be pleased with what I've seen in the comic. It's actiony, it's emotional, it's clear that RupeLali are both suffering and miserable. The issue is that... I'm a novel reader, and other novel readers on KKP who commented on the latest chapter agree: the adaption of this long-awaited climax's first part... was not handled well :( It's a unanimous agreement that the chapters it's adapting, is extremely rushed, and for some reason, was rearranged as well. :(( The things that were super noticeable were:

the removal of almost all of Rupert's monologue, AKA his POV. The poor guy was absolutely devastated when the end result of him running all over the palaces looking for her, to see her unconscious in a sea of flames

the manhwa removed Rupert's flashback of how he got his injuries while saving Lari - by the time he found her, the wooden structures were already burning to the point the ceiling was caving in, and he suffered worse injuries and burns because he was the one shielding her from all the debris and flames.

With the removal of Rupert's internal monologue, readers are missing out on how desperate and lost he's feeling right now, because Lari just wouldn't wake up despite days passing. He's a mess that can't eat or sleep (as shown by the eye bags)

Lari's nightmares was rearranged from the middle of the chapter to the start. The way that it's placed now, gives the impression that she has regressed dozens of times (like how ppl interpreted the MTLs when they give tiktok spoilers...), but in actuality, she was depressed from House Belois' betrayal, and she was broken even more when she was trapped in those nightmares. The novel goes into MUCH more details of what happened in those nightmares (as well the novel mentioning many times before that she had them, just never in detail until now), but the reason why Lari is so utterly devastated when she wakes up, is that she's completely convinced that there is absolutely no way she and Rupert can be happy together. After dozens of regressions, it's either he who dies, or she/her family does. So in the end, she chooses for Rupert to survive.

After she wakes up, the manhwa omits most of Rupert's desperate pleas, the ones that are iconic to the series. It removes the part where he's literally begging her to explain things to him, to explain what's going on, where he's trying to get it through to her how much he cares about her, the utter disbelief and shock when she reveals that she thought of him as someone who could kill her at any time ... but they decide to include the least important part, which is the mention of House Belois/family. Super questionable choice. I don't know if they're saving/rearranging this conversation to be in 111, or if they're completely omitting it... idk. we'll find out this Friday.

Also, i wasn't pleased with the lehan chapters right before this. manhwa Lari was not nearly as rude/violent as the novel. There, she yelled at him more, shoved him away, and screamed at him to not even call her "Sister" anymore. She was super distressed and not acting her usual self, while the manhwa version is just "very upset" Just my grumblings :(((((

[vespertineart]

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~☆My General La Squadra Headcanons☆~

Part 1

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Ft: Risotto, Prosciutto, Pesci, Formaggio ~♡

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Risotto nero

◇ Other than Metallica, his favorite bands include Pierce The Veil, Iron Maiden, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns N Roses and Linkin Park.

◇ Despite what most people like to think about his personality outside of Passione, especially when it comes to strangers, he is surprisingly very tame. Although he is a very strict and often violent man, it's only with his enemies. As shown in the Doppio fight, he likes to take his time to analyze things; he's patient.

◇ With strangers, he has a more wholesome side. He sometimes gets nervous, dare i say shy when talking to either elderly people or women, mostly his age or of single digit age.

◇He fears he might end up scaring everyone away, sometimes. It's not everyday you see a 6'7 beast with black scleras and fiery red eyes. He tries his best to make his testosterone drowned voice less intimidating, often making his voice small.

"T-that'll be it, ma'am, thank you," He murmurs to the cashier, his back arched so he meets her level. Safe to say his face is red.

(90% of Jojo fans migrated from the Arcana Fandom so i hope you understand what im saying when i tell you to compare him a bit to Muriel)

◇ I don't care what anyone says, he is a huge sweet tooth. I'm sorry I'm stupid and I have a huge soft spot for gentle giants who love sweets and are a literal marshmallow deep down.

◇ Amazing father figure.

Prosciutto

♧ 28 years old.

♧ He is just as disappointment-filling as the Fandom portrays him to be.

♧ favorite bands include Red Hot Chili Peppers, Judas Priest, Kiss, and shamefully, Destiny's Child. He doesn't tell anyone about the last one, but he knows he memorizes 'Bills,Bills,Bills' like his own name and will accidentally hum it when it plays.

♧ However let's give him a little bit of credit. He's not cold with everybody, and most definitely not Pesci. Actually, if he ever was cold, it'd be 10x worse than we think.

♧ Deep down, he has a soft spot for everyone in the team. Especially since, unlike Pesci, as much as he's trying to be, are more stable and mature, they meet up to his 'qualifications' of good company. They don't cause him any trouble most of the time, grâce à two certain members of the hitman team.

♧ Is secretly lactose intolerant, but instead of actually admitting it, he comically dumps that personal hatred onto Pesci.

♧ Despite popular belief, he does not smoke. Cmon. When was the last time you saw a panel of him actually smoking? Is it for the old man aesthetic?🤨 In fact, he hates it. Will start a fight if someone puffs the smoke in his face.

♧ Outside of uniform, he dresses up semi-formal and often has a sweater around in case it got chilly. He owns a ton of Doc Martens and the velvet boots with that ugly mustard color.

♧ His favorite foods are savory ones. Enjoys salmon and steak greatly. Make them for him and you might just win his heart (that's a joke, no you won't)

Pesci

♤ 26 years old.

♤ No, he and Pros are not related.

♤ He has caffeine intolerance, but doesn't know it yet. Despite him knowing it makes his stomach upset, it never bothered him enough to actually ask about it, so he just ends up blaming himself for being too weak.

♤ His favorite bands are The Scorpions, Backstreet Boys, Elvis Presley and a few songs of Paul Ankha.

♤ Is best friends with bugs. He's tried to convince the team to help him make a terrarium for the ones he caught, but Formaggio saw a cicada on the floor and immediately booked it. Or...came back and killed the cicada, in a better sense.

♤ Over the course of later years, he's become more hostile and confident. Though, he still has trouble getting out of situations like having to be in charge of a certain job while the actual worker leaves to do something.

♤ Prefers soft foods. Is really fond of native dishes from a round the world, and enjoys going to diverse restaurants everytime he eats out.

♤ If DP didn't decide to do Pesci so wrong with that shit voice, I'd headcanon his voice to be that of Silco from Arcane.

♤ Style is very casual, he likes to match pinks and greens on smaller articles of clothing a lot.

♤ Owns about 100 Converses and a singular pair of winter boots he's had ever since entering the team.

Formaggio

☆ 24 years old.

☆ He's the Mista of the team. Very clearly. Very good looking, a definite ladies man but absolutely fucking dumb.

☆ His hair is a buzzcut. He's ginger and has freckles and moles everywhere on his body, all over his back, arms, legs , even his-

☆ His favorite musicians are Shakira, Black eyes Peas, Michael Jackson and Kiss. Very chill about his music, and cares more about vibes and being able to sing along easily than just the lyrics.

☆ Has a lowkey decent voice when he hums to his favorite song. Accidentally hit that one high note in Celine Dion's song at 7 am when getting ready, and it was the only clean note throughout his entire screaming session. He still got his ass beaten by Prosciutto.

☆ His style is FRESH fresh. Wears a lot of bracelets, has so many piercings including above his eyebrows. He's a big fan of subtle body modification. He wears anything and everything. Hawaiian shirts and baggy pants, short tees that he styles as crop tops with puffer jackets over them. He's really a vibe, has the best style out of everyone in the team.

☆ Loves anything sour. Will eat a lemon whole when he gets the chance.

☆ Very boyfriend material, he's very hyperactive but chill, shows a sense of responsibility with how he's taking care of his beloved cat, and is overall just a score to pull. Look at him he's so handsome ♡

[shirogane-oushirou]

Ro, my friend, bestie!!!! Star, galaxy, black hole and moon for the ask game!!! Any of the guys in your life who you are inspired to gush about can answer them!!! :3 (I love asking about Ren SO MUCH but you also have other sweeties and I don't want to neglect them 💖)

( @verykissablepixels )

THANK YOU REFFIEEEEEEEEE!!!!! 🥺💕💕💕 i'll probably still end up answering for ren bc i'm so ren-pilled skdfkjn, but i'll throw in some of the others where i think they fit!!!

Star- Does your F/O do anything to calm you when you're upset?

i think ren would actually encourage me to be outwardly upset more often ;; not in an unhealthy way, but because i don't really express those kinds of things anymore. if something seems like it's upsetting me but i'm not Doing anything with it, he might ask me some questions, probe a bit to see if it's something i REALLY don't want to talk about, and suggest i vent a bit or cry on his shoulder... and once that's done, we'd go fix something to eat and he'd pump me full of electrolyte water LMAO. ;;

(and it's work both ways tbh -- doc!ren has even worse issues with expressing negative emotions than i do, and r!ren expresses them through being bitchy to people who are being bitchy to him ksjdfn, so i'd want to help them vent in healthy ways when they're upset!)

gray's pretty simple with his methods... he's one of the most mature people in wonderland (which isn't saying much tbh, he's just better at it than the others), and since he fills so many job roles while working for nightmare, he knows how to approach people. so he'd sit me down in a quiet room, far from the hustle and bustle of the busy areas of clover tower, and ask what's wrong. he'd let me get it all out, politely interjecting where need be, and then once i'm done he'd suggest that he could make hot drinks for us (to which i'd have to reply that I'D make them kjsnfjkn, i don't trust him to boil water let alone mix ingredients ;;;). and if it turned out that my issue was due to someone being threatening or violent, he would... take care of the issue later... :)

oushirou's a silly guy, but he has a very serious side as well. he'd sit with me, encourage me to let things out, hold my hand, and maybe help problem solve a bit. he likes to keep up a daily stream of communication when possible, so if he got Vibes from an earlier chat, he might let me vent when he gets back home and then be like, "btw i picked up dessert for us on the way back for no particular reason whatsoever, so look forward to that!" he knows i know it WAS for a particular reason, and he lets me huff at him for being frustratingly good at picking up on things i try not to let others see. and while he isn't as retaliatory as gray, if i was upset at something a stranger said / did to me while out and about, he might play bodyguard for a while juuust in case i need someone with a strong kick with me ;;;

mars is quieter in his approach. he'd cuddle up and ask if something was wrong -- they know if it's something important enough to me that i'll let it out with a little prodding. he'd just hold me as i vent, and when i'm done, they'd thank me for feeling like i can trust him. and then we'd just... "move on" -- once the emotions are out it's better to focus on something emotionally fulfilling! he's like a more immediately open oushirou -- it wouldn't take much time for them to feel close enough to pick up on those things and know how to help me deal with them in the moment and after, and like oushirou, they generally know when to play it cool around violent people, when to be threatening, and when to actually make good on those threats.

Galaxy- What do you and your F/O do when one of you is homesick?

both rens have complicated feelings about their family homes, feeling a weird mix of nostalgia and disgust. by the end of his whole story, doc!ren ends up not being able to go back At All, Literally Cannot, so sometimes he has that contradictory, "well now that i CAN'T, a part of me wants to go back after all......" feeling. I think in his case, the only thing we can do is just be together for however long he needs, doing things that remind him of the better moments back there in a, "there are still things from there that you have here," sense.

and this particular s/i's brand of homesickness is like a low, constant, simmering feeling of homesickness they've long adjusted to... poorly adjusted, but adjusted nonetheless hhhh. just being around doc!ren helps to soothe those feelings, and as the relationship continues they start to disappear. "i have a new home now, and it's you," vibes. 💕

r!ren's a bit easier KJNDKJN. he misses visiting his grandparents, who he's closer to than doc!ren is. we'd end up sitting somewhere cozy, and he'd either call or video chat with them and we'd all talk together. i'd start learning french to bridge the gap a bit, but ren would still translate when needed. talking to and spending time with the people he loves helps a ton on its own (he does want to take me to visit them in person at some point though hehe).

this verse is fairly close to reality, aka i live with family, so no homesickness for me lmao.

oushirou is less homesick than one would think -- yeah he's constantly traveling, but it's the one thing he's always known he wanted to do, enough to completely cut contact with his disapproving parents over it. he'd still miss the winter crew and me, and would visit whenever he could, but i'd say it's less like homesickness and more like... if they and i could travel with him, he'd never feel the desire to return home. traveling IS his home. we do, however, having some matching clothes and items so that, when he can't visit for a while or if he loses service and can't call / text, we can still feel connected!

also living at home here so no homesickness for me, but i do miss oushirou dearly, which makes it all the more important to him that we make the most of every possible moment together when he has the opportunity to visit!!

gray doesn't have any homesickness. he's pretty much like everyone in wonderland (except ace) in that regard. -I-, however, do feel some homesickness in spite of myself, and this sends gray in to a quiet panic. in his mind, i'm homesick -> i want to go back home -> i'm going to leave wonderland and never be able to return. so despite knowing how manipulative it is, he constantly takes me out on dates (platonic or romantic) to places he KNOWS i'll adore. wonderful restaurants, art supply shops, spots on the roads between locations that he thinks i might want to draw, doing physical activities that i can't manage back home... he wants to show me that wonderland is better than anything i had going on before. he'd freely admit to all of this if i called him out on it or if it seemed like it was making things worse, but despite his mature exterior he really is just as willing to sweep details under the rug as any other wonderland resident if it means keeping someone he cares about nearby.

Black Hole- Have you ever had a strange dream about your F/O?

all of my oc f/os have been sourced from strange dreams tbh so i won't even go into them lJSNIFLN, their stories are really just edited versions of my initial dreams about them.

i have Fucking Weird dreams about oushirou all the time though. it's mostly things like "i found a secondhand shop for doujin, and there's SO MUCH OUSHIROU DOUJIN I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!! I HAVE TO BUY IT ALL!!!!"... but also absolutely unhinged shit, like one where we met at a library we were sheltering in and, over the course of a couple of days, fell in love, he was bitten by an animal and developed RABIES????, we decided to get married before he was too far gone, and then i became a widow. so. KJNAKJN.

and i won't go too far into details bc i said i wouldn't, but mars was technically created from an oushirou dream set in a zombie apocalypse. he was a test subject to see if zombies could be "brought back", and i was brought in as like... an impromptu chat buddy to help with socialization. scientific overreach etc etc the arrogance of man etc etc. years later i rewrote it to make more logical sense, made that oushirou into my oc, and used the whole thing to work through chronic illness feelings (yay yippee love to dump my issues on my ocs weehee)!

i've also had some very weird ones with raven, like when he and rita slipped through spacetime into this world, and we met by chance and all bonded pretty quickly. or when he was an... instructor? at some kind of summer camp for adults?? and while it didn't seem like i stood out to him much at first, he actually stuck up for me at one point and kept wanting to connect after that. idk, weird things with no real rhyme or reason but that don't even come CLOSE to the weirdness of the oushirou dreams lol.

Moon- What's something your F/O does that never fails to make you happy?

being cute hehe 💕

doc!ren: he's very good at sussing out things that someone would ENJOY doing but may not have a reason to go out of their way to do, so he helps me get out of my comfort zone safely and understands if/when i hit my energy limit. i also love when he feels he trusts me enough to release "you will regret this" levels of infodump on me KJNFKJN, it's so cute and sweet and his enthusiasm is contagious.

r!ren: my LORD is he good at making me feel special!! and with his personality, it's clear it isn't just a matter of niceties or being a flirt. i feel so happy every time i can see how genuine he his, how far he's willing to go just to provide comfort, how he wants to be around me just as much as, if not more than, i do. how, if i have to cancel a date bc of a flare-up, he'll immediately come over with a care package filled with healthy (and secret not-so-healthy 🤫) goodies to keep me going for a day or two. 🥺

oushirou: genuinely just... his everything. but in particular, his over-the-top silly antics really get me. he'll make mundane things sooo dramatic just for the sillies + the joy it brings to others. he has great emotional intelligence and puts his ALL into helping those around him feel better. (also i know vaguely-horny does not equal happy.... but he sure does make me happy when he canonically KICKS THROUGH DOORS ksndfkjn like helloooooo?? sir??? 😳 that one scene has made me so Not Normal for the past 11 years....)

mars: something as simple as holding their hand. we're both very protective of each other -- we kind of have to be, given our situation -- so they often provide a sense of comfort. whether we're just sitting and reading together, or we're doing some activity to stimulate his cognitive function, or we simply cuddle in his holding chamber, they emanate a strong sense of safety, and i can really feel it through his light hand touches and rubbing the back of my hand with their thumb. and in a world that's gone to shit, that simple, caring touch means so much.

gray: OOOOOH his gap moe mode kjsndfkjn. after the serious answers, i get to the serious character and my answer is just "when he goes googoo gaga over anything soft and fluffy." he's so cute in jnkna when he's fishing on a frozen lake and a little seal becomes his companion 😭 and he names it after alice and puts a little alice bow on it 😭😭 he even gets cute when peter turns into his rabbit form -- as peter yells and scratches and curses at everyone, gray's still like 😳 bnnuy.... 💕💕💕💕💕

raven: when he's being a little drama queen ksjndfjn. i think there's plenty of room for quiet, serious talks that end with us feeling happy with our situation, but nothing beats when he's teasing karol or being a little silly guy! just a little 5'7 guy!! and it's his birthday!!!!! etc ksjdnk. his skits always crack me up, bc more often than not he's so unhinged for NO REASON! he's just LIKE THAT!! and yet he still thinks "raven" is a mask. nah man. you are all of your masks, the masks were always part of you, and that means part of you is a silly little trickster and Local Weirdo (tm).

[ollyou]

It’s kind of funny because I’m always drawing olly either slightly annoyed or even straight up happy, but in actuality, I still think the guy’s a bit crazy!

Referring to my own interpretation of olly, i’ll be calling him colly… but yeah. Sometimes i think to myself about how funny the range of his emotions are because in the events of PMTOK (the “canon” part of the game), I interpret him to be EXTREMELY mentally unstable, only getting worse the further Mario and co. get on their way to him.

(Putting the rest under the cut because I ramble a LOT about colly)

Colly’s typically more reserved, albeit full of himself. He’s still a bit of an asshole and can even be cruel (enough to essentially try killing his own sister), but is more calm about it. It’s when he’s been especially ticked off that he becomes very violent. When he has outbursts, they’re extreme ones— full-on lashing out against whoever has upset him enough to invoke his wrath. He’d love to watch his enemies become torn to shreds, over and over again until they’re specks of dust on the ground.

It’s something I find really interesting. Colly’s VERY cold and lacks sympathy for anyone. All he cares about are his own ambitions. It’s like, imagine dating this guy! You shouldn’t. That would not be very pleasant. He’s sadistic and wishes for nothing but suffering upon his foes. He doesn’t treat people for who they are— he sees most of those he likes as objects, made for him to tinker with and form into his ideal image of them. Not for their benefit, but for himself. He’s analytical of others when not upset, and when he is properly upset, he pretty much blacks out and is consumed by his own rage. He crumples and tears and smothers those in his way until someone is either trapped or dead. It’s almost as if he’s another person, controlled by emotion and nothing more.

But that’s what I love about writing him. He invokes the most passionate and strong feelings when trying to portray him properly, and it’s interesting to try and get into the mind of someone so horribly screwed up. He’s someone you absolutely do not want to be, but someone who may embody the emotions you want to hide away, the emotions that distress and horrify you. A bit sociopathic, in some ways…?

He’s got some mental issues that need to be addressed, HAHA (and yes, ofc it’s okay if I say that��� I’ve got mental issues too). My awful screwed up guy I hate but adore and love at the same time.

And I’ve already gone over it before, but… it’s like, “If he’s so awful and feels almost nothing for others, then why is Colly dating Solly?” aside from their relationship starting from a joke.

Well, I’ll answer it again: it’s because in a way, that IS Colly. It IS Olly. It’s someone only who, in the whole wide world, could understand Colly to the absolute maximum. Despite bickering at the beginning, they got close.

It’s a bit messed up too, when you think about it, huh…? Two mentally unstable older teens / young adults getting into a relationship because they feel they’re the only ones who understand each other in the whole universe. Is this what they call “toxic yaoi”…?

Well, they develop their relationship later on and become a lot more healthy. It’s because they’re both narcissists, only being capable of loving themselves, despite all the hatred they harbor towards what was done to their bodies by their creators, too… and when they finally awake from their evil deliriums, they’re able to fully enjoy themselves without any of the strange dependency they developed towards one another while fighting to fold those 1000 cranes.

Basically, I love Colly. I love awful, screwed up, crazy, mentally unstable characters. I love the psychological aspect of it. I love Olly.

[i3utterflyeffect]

I know absolutely nothing abt Wandersong so I can't ask any specific questions (;;-o-) BUT!!!!!!! take this ask as blanket permission to talk about any thoughts u have on the game that u want to, canon or AU

if u want some prompting, I saw ur MRD crossover and went 👀👀 I'm curious what ur AU changes from the game(s)!

oh!! okay so basically im going to split this into parts hang on

BUT. YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO PLAY WANDERSONG ITS SUCH A GOOD GAME. ITS SO FUN AND YOU WOULD LOVE MIRIAM AND BARD THEY'RE SO LOVABLE

ANYWAY!!!!!!! godbard au will be under the cut in case its not way too horribly late for you to not be spoilered sfdgklgslg

Mad Rat Miriam

ok aside from this post basically. the combo means that miriam has a much longer time period that mad rat and instead of the entire world ending it's just her. audrey is basically herding her towards a cat and i feel like she's actually pretty violent before bard is like 'NOOO STOP IT'

bard may have been a cat but they're very nice and would not kill anyone. because that is mean and they are NOT mean. they may have been a stray but they'd always just beg for scraps from humans instead and give them the wettest eyes if they try to feed them a mouse.

mim is also still very distant from other people bc yeah she's still a lab rat and she's learned to not be too attached to other ppl and beside she's already alienated bc she's Weird. so bard is really the first time she's been friends with someone and the fact that she's going to die upsets her deeply. but she's glad she got to meet this stupidly nice little heart because god they're too nice but also they're so friendly and kind to her despite everything.

audrey is very much a beastie of instinct and instead of describing herself as a 'rat god' she more describes about as miriam's 'hero', 'guardian angel', whatever fits the bill for that sort of thing. even tho she very much is not and is scaring miriam into going where she wants since mim is not really a huge fan of the wish thing

a lot of the cities of wandersong is just a bunch of stray rats living and Fucking Chilling. and rat god is still a sort of legend thing but it's kind of a horror story where people go wandering into nowhere and never return.

ALSO. the heart battle is so fucking insane i bet. like bard HATES the idea of fighting miriam but they have to do SOMETHING because clearly mim isn't in her right mind. a lot of the fight is a test of patience i bet bc of this

also also! another counterpart of jack is dream king but he DOESN'T CARE about eating mim at all. lazy guy. audrey is not happy about this.

king of hearts is the main one tho since he starts drowning in place of jack and mim decides to save him!!!!!!!!

most of the monsters in general are just hallucinations

anyway miriam and bard have just this strangely similar dynamic to mad rat and heart. violence and 'be nice to people please :)' + Provider Of Beats

plus it's interesting to explore something where the person with their head on straight is bard bc you don't really equate someone happy-go-lucky like that to be the most realistic between the two! usually it's the pessimist but nah its bard this time <3

godbard au

anyway so basically i want to talk about audrey here bc she's been accused of killing bard and since she's basically forced to come along with miriam and bard she's very upset.

BUT. something very important: i feel like she believes in thought crimes.

she's always prided herself on heroism and she never really thought about it before but after some time around Normal People as a Normal Person she starts to get fucked up over her new thought patterns that she developed by being a hero

this gets even worse when bard and miriam start treating her with genuine concern and kindness because she hates them, and she's certainly thought about killing them

as people start talking abt her she becomes more self conscious and it eventually comes to a climax as she is found out and people go on a full-on witch hunt over her

she's very very prone to violence and as she realizes how fucked up her destiny to end the world is she goes into a downwards spiral as she begins to think about awful things more and more and about if she HAD killed them and watched the life drain from their eyes (and she wouldn't have even felt bad)

and if she finds her sword she only gets worse as the intrusive thoughts get worse and more within reach of being completed and she can't take it

and. um

basically i gave her ocd hours. and i feel like i'm correct <3

[queen-of-bel]

Who do you think is the girl Mu killed?

A Muu question!! My baby girl!!

Okay, so the bullies that we see in After Pain are people that were her friends at one point, but turned on her for some reason.

If we look at the cracked photo of who are presumably Muu's friends, we see a girl in a yellow hoodie, a girl with her hair side-swept and pulled back, and a girl with black hair and bangs.

Some of these same people can be seen in Muu's groupchat titled "hangout" (or something to that effect, sorry my Japanese sucks), where they talk about how much fun they had today, that they want to hang out again, etc.

And we can tell by their clothing that they're the ones who are bullying Muu now.

However! The girl that Muu killed wasn’t one of these bullies. 

As we can see, this is not someone in Muu’s original friend group. It’s widely speculated that this student is most likely Muu’s crush. As when she walks by, Muu's pupils dilate and the lyrics state "I love YOU", making it pretty clear that Muu has feelings for her.

While it's possible her crush is just some random classmate who had nothing to do with the bullying, I highly doubt it. The lyrics of After Pain seem to be directed to her bullies:

"Why won’t you stop hurting me?"

"If you’re going to make me the villain, it’s ok to ignore me."

And throughout the entire video itself as well, Muu only seems to care about getting her friends back.

She looks longingly at them from inside the hourglass, she rereads chats with them from when they were still friends, and she keeps looking back at selfies that they took together.

So if the visuals and the lyrics are mostly directed at her former friends, it's really weird that the focus violently shifts to Muu's crush at the song's end and her crush is the one who gets killed. None of what Muu seems to desire has anything to do with her victim. However, she says something interesting in her voice drama:

“I did kill them. But, they’re to blame! They made it to the point where I had to kill them… I… I had such a tough time. ... Sure, I might’ve killed them, but… If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to escape. The cruel things they did to me were far worse!”

This implies that Muu sees her victim as the root of all her problems. Her friends turned on her because of this person. The bullying won’t stop unless this person goes away.

So, to answer your question, I think Muu’s victim was the person who started the bullying against her. The bullying may not have bothered Muu too much if it weren’t for the fact that all her friends turned against her as well. Suddenly, Muu has nobody and she just wants her friends back.

No matter how many times she cries, begs, and apologizes to her friends, they’re not coming back. They’re cruel, mean, and terrible to her now, and Muu realizes the only way to fix it is to attack the root of the problem. Confronting the original bully and hoping that will stop the bullying.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work, and we know what happens after that...

As to what happened to make this girl start bullying Muu in the first place?

We don’t have nearly enough information, so this is pure speculation, but I bet Muu did something that upset her. I have no doubt that Muu is a spoiled brat.  Her official profile says that she’s prideful, and cries/complains whenever faced with confrontation. However, I also don’t think she’s a bad person. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was doing something to try and impress her crush, but it backfired and ended up looking really bad on Muu. This is why Muu is constantly apologizing-- because she did something wrong. She even says in After Pain that “some of it is my fault” (though she never specifies what the “it” is).

Hopefully we get some more information on that in It’s Not My Fault. Muu is one of the few prisoners that I feel I’m pretty set on my vote for (unless something comes WAY out of left field and totally blindsides me). She’s far from a perfect person, but she also didn’t deserve what happened to her.

[aching-tummies]

What are your favorite tummy-related lines?

I got an ask a while back (that disappeared before I could answer) asking me what my favorite tummy-lines are. It made me realize I've never really compiled a list of stuff like that. I'm not usually interested in the actual lines too much--for me, it's like 95% what's going on in or on the tummy. Hands or other objects being used on the stomach and the effect of those actions within. But there are a few verbal cues that get me going.

In no particular order, these are some of the lines just off the top of my head. Granted, this is not a comprehensive list and like any person I go through moods so it's hard to say "these always work"...but these work a good chunk of the time.

"Please...don't push...it hurts!" Most variations of "don't" or "stop" or something...the one with the tummy-issues clearly being in pain and having to verbalize it to the partner.

"Ugh...my tummy..."

"Ouch...unngh...f-feels like I'm gonna explode...nnngh...*whimpers/moans/gurgles*"

"Whoa! What's going on in there?"

"Aww...is your poor little tummy hurting/upset?"

"Well...that doesn't sound very good." Describing the sounds as "sick(ly)-sounding" or "icky" or just in general commenting how the noises from the tummy don’t sound good.

"Wow...no wonder you can't sleep--I can literally feel your stomach struggling."

"Your tummy's been hurting/hungry/sickly that long?! Why didn't you say anything? Poor thing...poor tummy." (LOL, a partner that's got more concern for the tummy than for the person as a whole)

"Wow! *firm pats on the tum* You really do feel like you're gonna burst." (possibly a scenario where the one with the tummy's been mentioning how they're too full but the partner's sorta refused to hear it...and it took literally grabbing partner's hand and forcing it onto the tummy for partner to realize 'damn--they weren't exaggerating'.

Another party describing the tummy noises or the sensations from the stomach as "angry".

The partner being mildly surprised at the state of the tummy. Whether that results in them being a caring, non-overbearing caretaker or awakening a sadistic side that suddenly wants to experiment in making things worse...could go either way.

"Full?" In the context of a partner patting the tummy and inquiring about the state of it. Same actions but with, "You done?" or "Hmm...I think you're feeling just about empty." or something if it's in a sickness or vomit-aftermath scenario.

"Aww...cute. Does someone have a tummy ache?" Rare...but sometimes the idea of a sadistic lover saying this while knowing fully that the other has a tummy ache can be nice.

"You're...empty/hungry?" A partner feeling up the stomach and is surprised to feel just how hungry the other really is. Like...partner not expecting them to have gone quite that long without eating anything etc. A bit of a stretch, but could also work as an "on the mend after a nasty bout of sickness" scenario. Anything with the partner being surprised by what they can feel under their palms.

"It could be the [insert what was ingested] that's upsetting your tummy so."

Using "poor (little) tummy in certain contexts is almost always a win.

"Nnngh...hungry..." or something. Slurring of the speech. Specific context though: after a nasty sickness...the one with the tummy-woes sort of having a "fukin' finally!" moment--they've been desperately waiting for their appetite to come back and all that. Like...sure, they completely emptied their guts on day 1, but days 2 and 3 were literally spent in bed, feeling too crappy to move. They were empty and their body was starving but they had absolutely zero will to actually swallow anything 'cuz being achingly empty was better than another round of getting violently ill. Them admitting they are hungry or otherwise acknowledging the needs of their stomach as a sign that they're on the mend/are up for eating. Throw in a concerned partner that's relieved to see them actually have an appetite and helping them with the task of acquiring food and monitoring them while they eat, possibly with some casual stomach rubs during and after to stave off an upset in case the stomach and the sickness decide it was too soon.

"Nnngh...too much..." or some variations of "I ate too much" coming out as a sort of painful whine as they palm at their hurting tummy.

"Is dinner hurting your tummy?" Rephrased works too, like, "Is all that dairy hurting your tummy?" or "That was a lot of food. Does your tummy hurt?" or in general just the partner asking about the state of the tummy, knowing it's due for an ache-session.

"Don't fight it...here...let me..." Scenarios where the partner acts as caretaker and has to squeeze and push into the tummy to get whatever needs to happen (vomit, burp, whatever) to happen...'cuz the other is too exhausted from enduring for too long to have their body do it naturally.

Describing in vivid detail what's going on inside. Either by the one with the tummy-woes describing their symptoms or trying to make the partner understand...or the partner describing what they imagine is going on (which may make the other feel worse as their guts emulate the story)...or the partner describing what they feel beneath their hand vividly, adding to the experience of the one suffering. Anything that invokes the mental image of the internal view--particularly if life then imitates the art (of the story telling).

"You really aren't feeling good, are you?" When partner is concerned. Could be used in a general sickness context but definitely love it when it's said in response to the stomach betraying it's state with a sickly rumble or something.

[the-sun-and-the-sea]

TBOSAS Thoughts (Chapters 16-18)

I think chapter 16 is one of the most significant chapters in the book in terms of Coriolanus’ character. Dr. Gaul called his experience in the arena “transformative,” and I think she’s right. What Coriolanus experienced in the arena, fighting for his life and killing another human being, really shapes his outlook in the entire rest of the book. 

After Coriolanus and Sejanus are both extracted from the arena, they are brought to Dr. Gaul’s lab to heal. What I find really interesting about this part is the conversation between Dr. Gaul and Coriolanus. Dr. Gaul has her “humanity undressed” monologue, which is one of the only things I remembered clearly after two years. Her position on human nature is that humans are naturally violent and self-serving, which is so different from the viewpoint of someone like Sejanus. 

Coriolanus is mainly upset because he believes that Dr. Gaul manipulated him into killing Bobbin, and says that he should have made that decision for himself. Regardless, I think these events really will go on to shape Coriolanus’ viewpoint about human nature. He ends up adopting a lot of these philosophies for himself, so it’s really interesting to see where his beliefs came from. 

Another thing I wanted to mention for this chapter was the mentor interviews after their tributes died. It seems like most of the mentors are pretty detached from their tributes; they are more upset that they didn’t win, rather than the fact that another child is dead. There’s a major disconnect between the tributes and the mentors, which is why I think victors would later go on to become the mentors instead. The Capitol children just don’t understand the District children, which is largely due to the fact that they have been actively discouraged from doing so. 

The end of this chapter is definitely heartbreaking, at least for me. Readers never really got the chance to get attached to Jessup, but the fact that we now have to watch him die of rabies is disturbing and upsetting for sure. I remember being shocked by this the first time I read the book, but there were actually several bits of foreshadowing and hints sprinkled in that I picked up on this time. The fact that he got rabies from the Capitol zoo just makes it worse. 

Chapter 17 really made me feel for Lysistrata. I don’t remember being particularly interested in her the first time I read the book, but now I’m definitely feeling like she’s one of the more compassionate mentors. What she said about Jessup was touching, even if it wasn’t taken seriously. 

I also really liked how Lucy Gray stayed with Jessup while he died. The entire situation is just horrible but at least he didn’t die alone. 

This chapter felt pretty uneventful to me, so there’s not really much to say. The cliffhanger for this chapter is that the Snows just got a new tax bill for their house which means that they might not be able to afford their home, but honestly after seeing everything the tributes are going through, it feels pretty hard to care about Coriolanus’ money problems. 

Chapter 18 begins immediately with more discussion of the Snows’ financial situation. Coriolanus considers asking the Plinth family for help, but decides that the thought is too embarrassing, so he doesn’t end up following through, at least in this chapter. Even though this does seem to be stressing him out, it doesn’t get much attention for the rest of the chapter, probably because the Games are so eventful. 

One quick thing that I found interesting was that as Coriolanus was playing up Lucy Gray to the Capitol audience, he mentions how she stayed with Jessup as he was dying and didn’t leave him to die alone. He remarks how this aligns more with the Capitol’s values than the districts’. What’s interesting is that we see Katniss do this exact same thing with Rue, but it’s seen as rebellious. I just thought that would be interesting to point out. 

The Games start to pick up for a while. The District 4 tributes (Coral and Mizzen) along with the male from 10 (Tanner) corner Lamina (D7) on the beam which she has been living on since the Games started. Coral and Mizzen kill both Lamina and Tanner before disappearing back into the tunnels. This was really disappointing to me, because I really liked Lamina and thought her resilience and resourcefulness were admirable. 

Coriolanus describes all of these deaths in a clinical or detached way, which I think is just another way of showcasing how he doesn’t view the tributes as human. 

Also, the mentors are responsible for getting their tributes sponsors and sending them food, so they talk about feeding their tributes as if the tributes were like pets. The amount of times people say “feed him” to Clemensia is honestly concerning; for whatever reason, she hasn’t sent her tribute, Reaper (D11), any food since the Games started. 

Speaking of Reaper, he collects the dead bodies of the tributes and arranges them in a line before covering them with pieces of the Panem flag. Due to the outraged reactions of the Capitol viewers, I would assume that this is some act of rebellion, but I can’t help wonder what’s going through his head. 

Finally, as Coriolanus finds himself in Dr. Gaul’s lab again, he overhears that Dr. Gaul is planning on releasing her snakes (the same snakes that almost killed Clemensia) into the arena. Using his previous experience, he drops his handkerchief, which Lucy Gray had used, into their tank so the snakes are familiar with her scent and won’t attack her. 

Chapter 18 ends right as he does this, so we unfortunately won’t discuss his thoughts on this decision until the next post, but I do wonder what exactly motivated this. Most likely he’s trying to protect Lucy Gray because winning the Games would get him a substantial sum of money, which he desperately needs. It could also be because he feels personally attached to her and would be sad if she was gone, but I guess we’ll find out next time. 

Thanks for reading my thoughts this week! Feel free to reblog or comment if you have thoughts of your own that you want to share. 

[chryzure-archive]

hmm what r some of ur favourite tropes to write about or to read? what kind of twists or smthing do u like for those tropes owo. FAVE THINGS TO PUT IN CHARACTER DESIGNS??? top 5 book characters….i like ur book opinions so much <3

EXTREMELY CLICHÉ, but i adore “trapped in a small space together” trope…. writing it is fun, reading it is fun—because you’re Stuck There!!! so it’s time to forcibly progress this relationship!!! BONUS POINTS IF ONE IS CLAUSTROPHOBIC, so the other has to think of ways to distract them!!! when it’s done right… oh yeah, it’s EXCELLENT.

also wearing the other one’s clothes… irl, it jst makes me happy when ppl steal my clothes (not in a romantic sense, jst more in a !!!!!! we’re friends and you trust me and i trust you!!!!!), so obvi i LOVE it in writing too!! i esp love chryzure where chrysi’s wearing azure’s sweaters and she’s so tiny in them!! plus vice versa, where azure wears chrysi’s oversized hoodies and it fits him nicely and she’s like “oh…….. that looks very nice on you………….” struck through the heart with an arrow!!! blame cupid!!!

oh, wait wait, more serious answer—writing and reading forced arranged marriage that slowly turns to love is also something i love. the mirror visitor series did it impeccably, but i ESP love when it’s like “i can’t tell if you actually love me or if the marriage made you change your mind” “who cares? we’re together now and i love you because of it. why deny ourselves this?” AHHHH, GOING CRAZY, GOING WILD.

okay hmmm, some fun twists i have on tropes…. suddenly, i have forgotten every story idea or scene snippet i have thought abt ever.

OH, OKAY, WAIT I HAVE ONE!!! so yk the trope where someone pulls their friend/lover off someone they’re beating up??? well, azure will pull chrysi off someone she is violently attacking (it’s deserved) and she’ll jst dangle in his arms like a blood-stained kitten. he doesn’t put her down. her feet can’t reach the ground :((( and then, similar to the second lilo & stitch movie, if the person makes a snarky comment that pisses both azure and chrysi off, he’ll jst go “actually.” and release chrysi to attack once more. he supports chrysi’s violence 🖤

another (less happy) one is the idea that true love DOES conquer all…. but there’s a price for it :((( so, YES, azure WILL save chrysi—he’ll defy all odds and fix everything!!!… but he’s gone for good now. he’s dead. he can’t come back and haunt chrysi—she doesn’t even get the relief of being able to see his ghost. that’s the case in the chrysigil story… azure breaks all laws of nature to save his chryseis, and that’s all he has the strength for. it hurts, but i love it. the love didn’t last, but it was still there! it mattered because it was beautiful and fragile and it was love—doesn’t mean it wins every time. stephanie simply couldn’t understand such a concept, smh

I ADOREEEE red eyes + curly/messy hair, DARK EYES, MY BELOVED!!!! all my characters all have some sort of freckle or mole or facial mark because i think faces are so fascinating…… i love having unnatural hair colors on my characters as well!!!! and SMILES, making them unique!! like a scar on the lip, or a freckle, or dimples. long hair is also something i LOVE. drawing long hair is SO FUN FOR ME.

ooohhh, top five book characters??? difficult! i’ll make it worse by not mentioning any of chrysi’s book bfs because that’s cheating. also, this isn’t in any particular order, it’s jst in order of who i recall!

lucy carlyle from lockwood and co. !!!! i think she’s such a fun protag, esp since she’s so coarse and rude and imperfect and headstrong!!! i love her, i want to adopt her :)

MISTRESS LUCK, WAIT, HOW COULD I FORGET HER…..: LOVE HER SOSOSO MUCH, SHE DESERVED MORE SCENES. FOR MY PLEASURE. DEEPLY UPSET…. I MISS HER :(((((((( finale’s only flaw was that there was not more of Her 🥰

sir percy blakeney frm the scarlet pimpernel because wow!!!! vigilante leader pretending to be The Stupidest, Most Vain Man Alive?????? the BLUEPRINT for chrysi and her vigilante shenanigans, esp in my 1800s zombie au!!!! everything he does is SO funny to me & i also love all the different iterations of him (i actually endorse both the movie and the musical, despite both being different from the book. i need to read the other books in that series so i can judge those as well!!)

tea & kalen frm the bone witch…. i cannot separate them. they are deeply in love. and they’re so adoring of each other that it makes me cry…. rin chupeco knew what they were doing + i think they should write more romances like that actually……… i do need to read their other books because i love their writing style sm!!!

………. now i know he committed so many crimes and everything he did was inadvisable and i think he probably deserved what happened to him, BUT i love my wet pathetic little meow meow augustine lawrence from the death of jane lawrence…… i will accept everything he’s done. i support his actions. the scene where he’s crying through the walls + begging for help??! the scene where he’s coughing + sweaty + feverish from the curse???? ALRIGHTY THEN. he’s such a little bastard, but he’s one step away frm bursting into tears at all times that it’s okay!!! i endorse it!!!!!!!!!! :)

THANK YOU ALSO, i was jst ranting to a friend abt my book opinions, so it makes my heart warm + happy that you like my book opinions 🥰🥰🥰 i will continue to have them :>