#it helped romanticising his job too

[modrzewek]

My headcanon is that Martin doesn't need glasses, but he wore them when working at the library and later archives beacause he had read that it makes you look smarter and more trustworthy

Also he specifically bought them for his job interview, but he didn't want to spend much money for actually decent ones so he got himself some cheap sunglasses and got rid of the glass, hoping that no one would notice he was only wearing rims

[manicpixiefelix]

Currently thinking about Felix Catton working a regular job just because.

Him working at Build-A-Bear 🧸🧸🧸

Felix in his gap year (shhh I know he doesn't really take one just pretend) asking his parents if he can get a casual job because he saw it on TV.

Felix who is so removed from middle-to-lower-class reality that he can romanticise the idea of a fresh-out-of-high-school teen having a job.

Felix whose parents reluctantly let him get a job at Build-A-Bear because his first choice was being a life guard, and they love him very much but don't want him liable for people's lives.

Felix who absolutely adores working at Build-A-Bear and is actually very good at it.

Felix who gets along with all of the kids who come in, and he makes all of the Building/Stuffing/Naming ceremonies for each of the kids, and can seem to tell if the kids would respond best to it being goofy, heartfelt, or if the kid might be trying to act a little bit too cool for it. Felix is naturally very good with kids I will die on this hill.

Felix who is completely oblivious to the sudden spike of teenage sisters bringing their younger siblings in.

Felix being completely oblivious to the little fanclub that he has, mostly of girls in their early teens who spend their weekends at the mall and will walk past the shop several times a day if he's in.

Felix radiating the absolute sweetest, goofiest big brother energy literally not even realising that half the girls who come into the store have a crush on him.

But also Felix who quietly gets very excited to dress the bears up to put them on display in the window.

Felix who made Venetia a bear and not only dressed it up, but gave her a few different little bear outfits. She rolled her eyes and reminded him she's twenty, but she still keeps the bear sitting on her bed every day, and sometimes he'll look in and she's changed it's little outfit.

Felix whose energy and love and joy is felt by everyone who comes into the shop because he lives to see the way each kid's faces light up when they finally get to hug their teddy at the end.

Felix working to bring kids joy and/or help them in some way is something I hold very close to my heart. I love this concept. I kind of want to draw it.

[jemmo]

ahhhh. the familiar stress of a female character being introduced in a bl and waiting to find out whether she’s an ally or an obstacle. in this case with maya, definitely an obstacle. what remains to be seen is how much of an obstacle and how it’s overcome. now im not adversed to a romantic enemy, its one of the most commonplace things to find in a bl, and im also glad we’re getting a hearing impaired character that isn’t perfect, bc it’d be very easy to try and paint everyone with a disability in a good light when they are still people and can act out for their own interests. what im interested to see is how the romance will interact with the commentary on hearing impairment this show has been touching on both directly and indirectly. before, we had a hearing female character that caused drama bc she romanticised kohei and his disability and the ways she could help him and be by his side. now we are getting the opposite, someone who also has a hearing impairment who wants to be by kohei’s side and support him as someone who shares his disability. and i like that they’re showing that both are bad. maya is trying to distance kohei from the hearing people he’s made friends with, which was a huge step for him, by trying to make out that someone that shares his disability is inherently better for him and can support him better - she’s separating him from the larger world and trying to keep him within this small bubble of their disability so that she can have a romantic relationship with him. the thing is we don’t know if maya actually believes it’s right to keep these worlds separate or she’s using it as an excuse to be close with kohei, either way the commentary is still being made. she’s also kind of playing the victim card with her comment about how taichi’s friend has never faced hardship, but she has bc her hearing is impaired, and that means she’s got in worse. and yes - on a day to day basis that is hard to deal with, but in no way does that mean no one else has struggled. i feel like that hit taichi particularly hard bc he has struggled in childhood, it was just different. we saw this in last twilight too when they argued, the disability vs no family battle, which one is worse. the thing is, you always want what you don’t have, the grass is always greener on the other side, but really there is nothing to gain from these comparisons. everyone’s life is hard to themselves, what matters is helping others whilst also acknowledging your own hardships, it’s a balance give and receive, which is what taichi and kohei’s relationship is, despite what maya thinks. but i do want to see where she’s coming from, and i think meeting a guy like kohei who is so sweet and kind and also shares this disability and all the shared experience that comes with that, and also just looks like that, it’s hard to not think he’s the most ideal person and want to be with him. i just hope they do give her a resolution that both holds her accountable for behaving poorly whilst also being empathetic to her feelings.

but in other news, i want to point out a few fave bits from the ep, starting ofc with my favourite thematic sound editing when all the cafeteria noise fell away when kohei and maya started communicating with their phones. its the small things like that that make this series so special, even if it was used with maya instead of taichi. i feel like they also do a really good job of highlighting noise, both when taichi was with his friends and at the dinner, you can understand how loud things are even when kohei isn’t there and imagine how overwhelming it would be for him, and it also highlights well how that chaos dies down when he’s alone with taichi, and you understand what kohei means when he says he hears taichi’s voice so clearly bc even in a crowd, his voice pierces through. i absolutely loved taichi blushing remembering the kiss and kohei being so forward in getting that girls attention away from taichi, we love a possessive queen. and finally i have to give my biggest shoutout again to kohei’s mom. she is so supportive in the simplest and quietest ways and when she took out those two lunchboxes i nearly cried. and it’s the way she always makes it seem coincidental, they just came as a pair, but it covertly shows that she’s supportive of whatever relationship kohei has with taichi. she doesn’t have to ask and kohei doesn’t have to say - she knows they’re close and so she just supports the relationship in these small ways without overstepping. it’s just so beautiful. honestly, one of the best bl moms ever.

[mamadovie]

May I request a Miraak and female reader where Miraak became obsessed with reader when he was still an apprentice dragon priest and she’s the daughter of a jarl or some noble?

Thank you!

𐙚 . . . MIRAAK.

A N: I love this idea, ngl. Also. The term 'obsessed' can be phrased in different ways. The literal term, or a watered down and romanticised version... So I hope I wrote this in the way you meant it to be.

A B O U T: Miraak just can't keep his eyes off you!

W A R N I N G S: None. Minor obsessive behaviour, but nothing crazy.

It all derived from an innocent crush, you must believe him. An infatuation, if you will, but yet innocent still.

He hadn't met someone like you before; he was always so preoccupied, too busy to look beyond the lense of knowledge. Until he made eyes on you, that it.

A simple morning, Skyrim's frosty air lingered like a papercut. His hands shivered under the worn gloves he had been gifted many years ago — he couldn't remember by who exactly. But he treasured them, nevertheless. His back stung with weariness from travel and his backpack.

It wasn't his first time in Windhelm, but it was his first time actually taking in the scenery. Bleak, as famously known. But still held an essence of wonder — cold and brilliant with so much history between its walls.

But who am I kidding? He wasn't looking at the walls or its history.

He was looking at you.

A noble; adorned in red silks, from Cyrodiil he wondered for a brief moment. Your hair: neat and styled professionally. Neck decorated with jewels, expensive jewels. You weren't just a simple noble, you were important. But that didn't matter. Not when your eyes met. By the Gods, how his heart rattled against his ribcage.

From that day forward, he found out as much as he could about you. You were a nobleperson from Cyrodiil, with an Imperial father and unknown mother. You were raised in wealth and love. Owning vineyards in the beautiful rural lands beside Skingrad, manors in the coastal city of Anvil. Travelling across the world, expanding business and hopefully meeting the one.

You didn't want an arranged marriage, he knew that. He read it in your diary. You left it on a bench in Riften, you really should be wary! Those pesky thieves could have snatched it... its a good job Miraak was there, watching, to help you... any weirdo could have read it!

He didn't pass it by hand, no way. He slid it under your door. He didn't want to he found.

For you to realise his face wasn't just a reoccurring dream, he was in fact a reality.

He never showed face, never said hello. He just watched and followed. But, he did make a deal with himself: once powerful, he will make you his. He knew your father wouldn't allow it.

Until then, he'll linger in the shadows, wanting.

[filmbyjy]

heeseung – bad boys

— the bad boys main masterlist

pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader

summary: being an orphan was never fun, you had to grow up quicker than most kids and even get a job support yourself. that's how you lived since you were 15. you most definitely did not expect to become a flag girl but here you were and it was all because of money. oh and great to know, the person you hated the most was here too. damn you, lee heeseung.

no.of words: 6.8K words

warnings: sexual references but no smut, cute dog mentioned a bunch of times though, jake being a horn dog as per usual (resident playboy) mention of underage drinking because riki bad boy. foul languages(?)

taglist: @nyfwyeonjun @ncityy04 @cutiejseong @minkyeos @madebyreyy (@onyourecha) @yuakagi @hoonstrology @luvrjn @kawaiisharkcopjudge @missmadwoman @aerinaga @jiwlys @wtfhyuck @astrosmistisa @woniesbakery @purplepuppychild

NOTE: i remember writing this, i wanted to make (name) a girlboss who stuck up for everything heeseung said. yet here i am with 'jam out' heeseung and that y/n was something.

we are almost coming to an end of the stories of each bad boy. they surely had such interesting stories following each of them. our 2nd last boy, heeseung, surely was no different. shall we start listening to his story?

“if i could kill that old man, i would’ve done that a long time ago.” heeseung groans. he places his helmet down on the bench before ruffling his jet black drenched hair. all of it being sweat since it was a hot day. sunghoon snickers.

“that old man is a slip away from death. you don’t have to worry about that. let him fall in the shower and he is done for.” sunghoon pats heeseung’s back.

“where are the others?” heeseung grumbles.

“out and about. i think ni-ki and sunoo are grounded from the last party they went to.”

“they drank?”

“yeah but are we really surprised they did so?”

“no. they need to be sober, we have an upcoming match against SM High. heard their star player, park jisung, had been preparing really hard to beat HYBE High.” sunghoon scoffs before smirking.

“we have 7 star players in our team, SM High only has one. we could beat them easily.”

“now, don’t get too cocky. do you remember what happened when you got too cocky.” heeseung folds his arms. sunghoon grumbles.

“yeah yeah, i know hyung. to be fair, you are a great racer. i just thought i’d win but i guess i underestimated your skills.”

“excuses.” heeseung says. sunghoon huffs.

jay enters the parking lot with his bike, he stops in front of heeseung and sunghoon. he takes off his helmet and threw back his head to fix his hair. sunghoon snorts.

“stop trying to look hot.”

“oh but i’m already hot.” jay smirks. sunghoon rolls his eyes.

“yeah yeah jongseong, we get it. you are the hot shit but just to remind you, i’m equally as hot as you. maybe even more.” sunghoon smirks. jay rolls his eyes, annoyed but he knows sunghoon wasn’t wrong.

“where are the others?” jay asks.

“jungwon is stuck doing class president shit, jake is busy fucking around, sunoo and ni-ki are grounded.” sunghoon explains. heeseung sighs before pinching the bridge of his nose.

“that old man is seriously going to yell at us. competitions are near.”

“I couldn’t give two flying fucks for that old man. he is just using us anyways because of his sugar baby.”

“a sugar daddy that doesn’t have money and exploits other people for their money. he got a whole fanfiction ready to be written for him.” sunghoon says. jay snickers.

“could we not just rebel against him again?”

“because he mentioned that if we helped him, he’d try to find heeseung’s sister.” jay says.

“do we even know if your sister is alive. what if your ‘dad’ killed her.” sunghoon says.

“having a daughter in the family can bring a lot of money. you can sell her off into the black market. didn’t you know that?” jay says.

“we aren’t the mafia. even if so, why wouldn’t heeseung’s sister want to be married off to one? they could be hot for all we know.” sunghoon says.

“now let’s not romanticise the mafia but yeah we practically could be them. we kill people too.” jay says.

“alright you two, let’s not talk about this. as for my sister, i know she’s out there. my ‘dad’ will probably put her into good use one way or another.”

now what happened to our heroine of the story. where were you?

ah right, you were under a pile of homework. as per usual. a fluffball decides to visit you as you were busy working on a math problem.

“leo, i’m busy right now.” the golden retriever puppy climbs onto your lap. how did you get leo? well this puppy was actually found near a horrible scene. someone had unfortunately done some horrible things to its mother and so you decided to nurse the puppy back to health and adopt it. you had buried the mother in a safe location and built a small memorial, she was considered the community dog to many. as of currently, leo is all healthy and he was certainly a playful puppy.

he bites on your sleeve and tries to tug on you to get you to play. you giggled.

“okay, okay little one. you’re lucky that this is extra credit. i’ll play with you.” you grabbed the tennis ball and grabbed leo’s leash. you were living alone, your parents unfortunately weren’t around and you never met them. you grew up in an orphanage. At the age of 15, you decided to live on your own and they allowed you to do so. ‘They’ being the staff that took care of you at the orphanage. you got a job, saved up money and now you were living in a pretty shady apartment but at least it was kinda cozy.

you made it over to the park nearby.

“wanna play?” you asked the puppy, he barks in excitement. “alright, fetch!” you threw the tennis ball. leo chases after the ball and brings it back to you after he finds it.

“you’re a really smart puppy, aren’t you?” you pet the puppy’s head. its tail wags.

“you.” you heard someone say. you looked up and instantly you saw heeseung. the boy who annoyed you to death in school. you rolled your eyes.

“what do you want?” you say. heeseung scoffs.

“you were disturbing me and my peace.”

“listen, i was playing with my dog. they bark, what the fuck do you want me to do?” your puppy tries to climb your leg while whimpering, sensing you were upset.

leo was your comfort, he could sense whenever you were having a breakdown, panic attack or you were just upset. Certainly, he could tell you weren’t too happy right now. you picked the puppy up.

“leo, calm down.” you gave the puppy a small kiss. “i’m okay, thank you.”

heeseung rolls his eyes, “just leave.”

“I was about to.” you throw daggers at heeseung again before leaving. Once you left, heeseung lets out a sigh of relief. why did you look so cute while holding a puppy? the way you gave it kiss, if only it was him that you gave a kiss to- hey wait, you were his enemy! why would he imagine you kissing him?

“she’s a demon in disguise lee heeseung, you do not like her that way!” heeseung lightly slaps his cheeks.

you were stomping your feet as you walked home.

“the nerve of that asshole, i can’t believe him!” you turned to talk to leo. “leo, he’s an asshole right?” the puppy doesn’t say anything.

“oh don’t tell me you think i like him, never in a fucking million years am i falling for that asshole.” you entered the apartment building. the dim lights flickering about to burst any second now. yup, home sweet home. you placed leo down onto the chipped wooden floor, he ran off to your study room which had his toys.

you hummed. you needed to study. there wasn’t much for you to do anyways, this was how your life was. work, study, eat and sleep. it was a constant thing that you had been doing ever since you were 15.

the next day, you knocked on your neighbour’s door. A lovely sweet elderly couple.

“oh (name), have you come here to drop leo?”

“yes grandma.”

“leave it to me. take care of yourself in school.” she says. you thanked her and handed her leo.

school was pretty much the same, of course you knew heeseung was going to pull some snarky remark about you. Tease you, annoy you to death. that was the usual. you were placing your book into your locker, as you shut the locker door, you noticed how heeseung had a smug look plastered on his face. he leaned against the locker beside you whilst folding his arm.

“what do you want?” you asked as you folded your arms.

“just wanted to see what you were up to.” you rolled your eyes at his words.

“what? miss me or something?” heeseung scoffs.

“why would i miss someone like you? you have no special place in my heart.”

“well...if i don’t have any special place in your heart, why do you still bother to annoy me? you could just ignore me and pretend i’m not here you know.”

this catches heeseung off-guard. you smirked before patting his shoulder.

“one could think you have a crush on me, is that true lee?” heeseung glares at you.

“in your dreams, (first name).”

“i would never dream of you, lee.” which was the last thing you said before you walked away from heeseung. not forgetting to knock into him.

“you two look very loving.” jay says. heeseung turns to face jay. the other boys were beside him, seems like they probably saw what happened between you and heeseung. heeseung rolls his eyes.

“i don’t like her like that. besides, what kind of sworn enemies fall for each other?”

“the enemies to lovers kind.” sunoo says.

“enough with you and your fanfiction shit. we have a competition soon. the old man will kill us if we don’t gather and practice. he already scolded me, jay and sunghoon for your irresponsibility.” heeseung says pointing to sunoo, ni-ki and jake.

“sounds like a you problem.” jake says.

“do you want me to tell every girl you’ve slept with that you have a sexual disease?” heeseung threatens. jake gasps.

“okay, i’m sorry! please don’t tell them that. they are still my playtoys and you know i have to get my dick wet every once in a while.”

“tmi dude.” sunghoon says.

“maybe you could abandon those girls and go for your dear enemy jake.” jay says. jake glares at the boy.

“if you think i’m ever going to have sex with her or ever get married to her. you are very wrong.”

“didn’t you lowkey place a bandaid onto her desk once because you saw her knees bleeding?” ni-ki says.

“even if i hate her. i’m not an indecent human being, i still have a heart.”

“yeah, that heart being your dick.” jungwon says. jake holds onto his heart dramatically.

“nah, his brain is his dick. he only thinks with his dick.” sunghoon says. jake gasps.

“are you guys even my friends?? what the fuck.” jake sulks.

“enough. get to class and we will meet up after school at the carpark. if you don’t come, you know what will happen.” heeseung says. heeseung leaves the other 6 boys.

“if you don’t come, yOu knOW whAt happENs.” sunoo mocks heeseung’s voice. “what’s up with him this morning? it’s like he got dumped by (name).”

“maybe he did.” jungwon says.

“I won’t be surprised. he knows the way around flirting and doing illegal shit but when it comes to the one girl he obviously has feelings for, he is shit at it.” jake says.

“you’re all bark but no bite, jake.” jay says.

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean.” jake folds his arms.

“it means you do the exact same thing.” sunghoon flicks jake‘s forehead. the boy winces in pain.

“this is friend abuse I’ll have you know.” jake huffs.

“nah this is friend abuse.” ni-ki shoves sunoo.

“YAHHHH. YOU ASSHOLE.” sunoo shoves ni-ki back. both ni-ki and sunoo were now just bickering back and forth. jungwon sighs.

“and this is why heeseung hyung never leaves us alone.”

“you’re the leader.”

��yeah but you dipshits don’t listen to me.”

“we are older than you, we make our own rules.” jake says.

“it doesn’t work that way.” jungwon deadpans.

“uhh yeah it does? Ever heard of korean age system buddy?” jake states the obvious.

“you’re australian, you white people do not follow the age system.” jungwon folds his arm.

“i don’t even have a single white blood in me, i’m full korean but was born in brisbane.” jake explains.

“I feel like one of your parents are lying, there is no way you are not white. considering, how you act, one could think you are a chad or something.” sunghoon says.

“okay shut the fuck up everyone and get to class.” jay says.

“how about no?” ni-ki says.

“do you want your parents to ground you again and then you won’t be able to join us for the competition and our missions.” jay says. ni-ki pouts.

“fine.”

the 6 boys made their way to their classes, a little late but the teachers could care less about them anyways.

“(name) could you kindly explain to us what is wrong with this equation?” the teacher asks. you sighed. this teacher loved to pick on you, maybe because you were the only one listening in.

you went straight in front of class but not before tripping over something or someone. you looked up. it was one of heeseung’s biggest admirers. since heeseung always ignored her and only paid attention to you, you had been facing the consequences.

“whoops sorry, didn’t see you.” she says, adding a small little smirk at the end. you simply rolled your eyes and dusted your skirt.

you got to the front of the class and started fixing the question on the board. the teacher claps his hand.

“great job (name).”

you bowed and went back to your seat. he was such an annoying ass teacher.

you huffed and settled back at your seat.

could this day get any more worse?

And well it did.

“heeseung, give me back my fucking book.” you jumped to grab the book.

currently, you were in the library. why? because you were studying. however, heeseung being the complete asshole he is…he shows up to terrorise you so now you’ve been trying for the past 1 minute to grab your book for that 6ft giant.

“give me back my book, asshole.” you groaned.

“how about no.” heeseung smirks. you rolled your eyes and then an idea pops in your head.

you tugged on the boy’s tie, he jerks forward. your faces inches away from each other. heeseung’s breath hitches. your eyes land into the boy’s pinkish lips and then you look straight into his doe eyes. It was clear he was flustered by the distance. you leaned forward and you noticed how heeseung’s eyes flutter shut. you smirked.

Before your lips even met, you quickly snatched the book and walked away from him. his eyes flew open and his jaw drops. you turned to him and waved him off, sending him a small wink before you turned the corner. heeseung was baffled, he scoffs before a smile grows on his face.

idiot. was what he thought as the stupid smile on his face doesn’t falter.

when school ends, you ran back home to pick up your puppy. you thanked the lady for taking care of your dog.

“here, i’m sure you haven’t had dinner. I made a little too much and my husband is coming home a little late. enjoy this before you study alright?” the elderly lady says.

“thank you, grandma.” you bowed at her before entering your home. you didn’t have any form of entertainment in your home since you weren’t well off so leo was the only one who kept you company.

you took out your homework and started doing it. Leo nudges the utensils to get you to eat. You smiled and took a bite of the food as you worked on your homework. Leo’s tail wags watching you complete your homework. It felt like leo was a human trapped in a dog’s body, he knew when you don’t want to play, when you need to eat and when you overstress yourself. You were thankful to at least have someone by your side and taking care of you. Of course, the elderly couple that lived next door took care of you extremely well too. they treat you like you were their own granddaughter. they don’t earn much but they still gave you a small sum of money to at least buy food.

Things like this made you feel loved. however, with someone like heeseung existing..you can’t help but hate the world a little. the world was certainly a messed up place. you hear leo whimpering.

“Hmm? oh did i forgot to eat again pup?” you took a bite of the food. He barks, tail wagging to confirm he indeed was trying to get you to eat. “Thank you, pup.” you gave him a small kiss.

“I’m done with homework, wanna play?” you picked up a ball. the puppy barks in excitement. you hear a knock at your door so you went to check on who it was. Once you opened the door, you noticed it was sunoo. you tilt your head.

“what do you want?”

“umm noona, we kinda need help.”

“help?”

“well you know how you have been working at a cafe for a while now and you told me during work hours that you hated the job and it doesn’t pay enough?”

“yeah?”

“wanna work to be those ring girls/flag girls?” sunoo says. you tilt your head.

“sun, i am not going to show skin and wear sexy shit.”

“they pay $2000+ per match and they give you costumes to wear for every match. We usually have about 3 matches every month or so. sometimes even more. Small or large scale.”

That is a lot of money…for a month and surely you’d finally be able to afford an actual phone and pay back to the elderly couple next door.

“okay, i might consider but why did the previous flag girl quit?”

“our boss is kinda particular on girls and he thinks the flag girls have no right to have feelings for any of us.”

“That’s it? The flag girl was fired because she had feelings for one of you?”

“yeah, she liked heeseung hyung so umm our boss found out and fired her.”

“Mmm and why did you come to me?”

“Because you’ve expressed you hate heeseung hyung so much and you don’t have feelings for any of us so you were the best option i could suggest to the boss. please noona, can you do it?” you sighed.

“okay, i’ll do it.” sunoo hugs you.

“Thank you!!” he breaks the hug, “oh! I’ll send you the address, we have training tonight actually but boss says you can come tomorrow.”

“okay.”

“thanks again noona! you’re a lifesaver!” sunoo leaves your apartment. you shut the door and turned to leo.

“what have i just gotten myself into.”

the next night, you had asked the elderly lady to take care of your dog as you would be taking extra shifts for the night. she nods and asks you to take care of yourself as it is late out. You thanked her and went on your merry way.

“Is this even the right place?” you looked up, a pretty knocked up, old and rusty sign labelled ‘sugar shack’.

“I don’t even want to know what kind of sugar they mean.” you shivered. you entered the place and walked along the hallway. a bright light at the end of the hallway which led to the outdoor racing track. It was huge.

your jaw drops.

“noona!” sunoo calls out for you. you went over to where the younger boy was.

and of course, the other boys were there too. they simply watch you walk over to where they stood.

“hi sun.” you smiled.

“she’s the new flag girl?” jay says.

“Yup!” the other boys eyed you down. especially heeseung.

“she’s not exactly the sexy type you know.” sunghoon says. you scoffed.

“sorry for not following the standard you call sexy, park sunghoon. i do what i want to do. Besides, sunoo was the one who approached me. Not you.”

“damn, that’s kinda hot though.” jake says before wrapping an arm around your waist. “do you perhaps want to go on a date with me?” you pushed jake’s arms away from you.

“Thanks for the offer but i don’t date guys like any of you.” you eyed jake up and down. “Especially you.” jake blushes.

“Don’t tell me you popped a damn boner right now, jake.” jay says.

“look, she just eyed me down with that gaze. It’s hot, how am i not supposed to pop a boner?” jake reasons. jay groans.

“hyung, that’s gross.” jungwon says in disgust.

“noona, how about i show you to the changing room. the stylist has already picked out the outfit for you.” sunoo says trying to stray from jake’s convo. you hummed and followed sunoo.

“hyung, please explain to jake how he should stop popping a boner everytime he finds a girl hot?” jay says. heeseung keeps quiet, ni-ki waves his hand in front of the older male.

“Hmm?” heeseung says. the others stare at him.

“are you okay, hyung?”

“yeah, i am.”

“If it’s because you are about to work with your enemy…think of it on the bright side. Umm, you can annoy her more?” sunghoon says. heeseung rolls his eyes.

“just get to your places. we have to practice.” heeseung says before he walks over to his car.

“sheesh, cranky much.” jungwon says.

you left the changing room after changing into the outfit. It was really skimpy, too much skin showing and you felt uncomfortable but you had to think about the money you would be getting and so you went out.

the stares of other staff members were really overwhelming and not in a good way. this wasn’t the stare you’d particularly want, this is the stare of hunger and lust. you noticed how there weren’t many girls as their staff members. There were more males than you’d expect. maybe this is why sunoo wanted you to be their flag girl, there were rarely any girl staff here.

you kept pulling down the short skirt as it barely covered your butt.

“sun, what do i do next?” you asked the younger boy. they were discussing their routes for the race when you called. their eyes laid on you. you looked innocent and certainly the boys were flustered. never have they thought you would look hot wearing such a skimpy outfit.

“well?” you asked again. the boys pushed sunoo forward and he grumbles. A smile grazes his lips as he hands you a flag.

“so you will be counting down before the race starts with this.” he shows the flag, “wave the flag at one and just stand there. The cars will zoom past you and you are done for the day. You can stay and watch us if you’d like. maybe one of the boys could send you home since it’s late.”

you nod.

“jake stop staring at her legs.” jay smacks the back of the boy’s head. jake groans in pain.

“like i said, she’s hot! what am i supposed to do!” heeseung glares at jake and he shuts his mouth.

“oh, lover boy is mad you’re staring at his future girl.” sunghoon says. heeseung rolls his eyes.

“jungwon, it’s your turn for today. you know who you’re up against.” heeseung says. jungwon smirks.

“of course.”

The younger male walks over to his prized possession, his bike. this race included both bike and race cars. it depends really on the profession each competitor is good at. There would be no interchangeable matches, if you owned a bike, you raced with other bikers. Heeseung was the only one who owned a race car, the others owned a bike but that didn’t mean they weren’t great at racing with cars. they were trained to do both.

you got into positions, in between both bikes. the rival team member eyeing you up and down. Heeseung balls up his hands into a fist, jay holding him back from marching forward to teach the guy a lesson.

“None of you are to cross this line prematurely, if you do, that is a foul and you will be marked down for it.” the other guy scoffs.

“we get it sweetcheeks, a game like this is always about cheating and tactics.” he smirks, “and you happen to not have a boyfriend, right? someone as beautiful as you would certainly be a match for me.” he flirts.

you laughed. like straight up, laughed at his face. you smirked.

“you’re right, i’m beautiful but unfortunately, no guy could handle the best head they received their whole life hence i broke up with them.” you came close to the guy and grabbed him by his belt. “would you be able to handle that heartbreak? hmm?”

you shoved him away, “no? too bad. would’ve loved if i was able to give you amazing head. maybe you could even help me out.” you smirked and went to wave the flag. jungwon smirks and gets a headstart. the guy panics and quickly gets on his bike, he attempts to catch up with jungwon.

“noona, you are definitely fit for this job.” ni-ki gives you a thumbs up. you smiled. heeseung grabs his things and storms out of the place. The others were calling for him.

“what’s up with him?” you asked.

“just…angsty emo teen moment?” jay says.

“like you weren’t an angsty emo teen when you killed those guys at the age of 16. i mean, you killed what? 5 guys per week? or was it month? oh, let’s not forget-” sunghoon shuts jake’s mouth from running further. you sighed.

“sorry you had to hear that.” sunoo says.

“It’s fine, i live on the ghetto side. there are at least 2 murders a week so i’m not surprised.” you say.

“you don’t live with your parents?” sunghoon asks.

“I was an orphan since i was a baby. No big deal, been living alone since 15.”

“oh. your life is fine now right?”

“Yeah i am-” heeseung angrily enters and grabs your wrist. “hey! be gentle!” you yelled out to heeseung.

“If the old man asks where i am, just tell him i’m out drinking.” heeseung tells the others. They nod, unable to say anything.

heeseung brings you over to his car and throws his hoodie at you. you gasp and threw his hoodie back at him. he turns to look at you.

“Put it on.”

“no! I am not wearing your hoodie!” heeseung rolls his eyes. he grabs his jacket from the back seat and slings it over you. he tugs on the zip to his jacket to cover you up. You huffed. He starts the car up and drives off.

“Type in the address to your house.” he points to the GPS.

“if you haven’t forgotten, my hands haven't been able to move since you zipped up the jacket.” heeseung sighs.

“Tell me the address then i’ll type it in.”

“what if you stalk me?”

“wasn’t planning to, after all you aren’t my type.” you scoffed before telling him your address.

the drive to your house was somewhat quiet, the only sounds were heeseung humming to the songs playing on the radio and the engine. about 10 minutes later, you arrived at the driveway of the apartment. He was waiting for you to get out so he turns to you expecting you to do so but you don’t.

“What?” you asked.

“Get out. We are here.” you rolled your eyes and fumbled out of the jacket heeseung gave you. you threw the jacket at heeseung and left the car.

“asshole, not even gentleman-like. where the fuck are his manners.” you started to walk away when you felt heeseung grabbing your wrists. he spins you around and drapes the jacket over you.

“it’s cold out and you are wearing something revealing.” he pats your head and quickly enters his car, driving off. you stood there frozen. you quickly got back your senses and went into the apartment building.

the next week consisted of school and being the flag girl. however, as the elderly couple next was sick, you decided to bring your dog over to the place.

“hey, there is our star flag girl!” jake says. you playfully rolled your eyes. jake notices the dog pacing around you. he gasps, “PUPPY!!!” he excitedly kneels down to the puppy and starts trying to get its attention. you laughed.

“I brought leo over since the elderly couple next door are unfortunately sick and can’t take care of him.” jake grabs the puppy and holds him close.

“I finally get to meet him!! He is so precious!!!” jake makes kissy faces at the puppy. leo barks and wags his tail.

“So is the boyfriend that gives you great head?” sunghoon jokes. jay snorts. You lightly hit sunghoon’s arm.

“very funny.”

“Oh come on, it is.”

“This is the only guy that has stuck with me practically my whole life.”

“what are we then? we’ve treated you a bunch, both food and…” sunghoon stares at jake. “pleasure?”

“sunghoon! I already told you i didn’t hook up with jake! It was a curling iron incident!”

“yeah save it. we all know, you and jake have been hooking up!”

“you really think i’d be hooking up with jake a week after actually talking to you guys?”

“it’s jake, he makes anything impossible, possible.”

“Is that his life motto or something?” you ask. jay and sunghoon laughed.

“noona, if you must know. it’s just the beer talking. those idiots had some drinks before.” jungwon explains.

“ah, makes sense whatever they are spewing is nonsense.” you grabbed your bag and tossed it into the dressing room locker.

In this week of knowing them, you grew a little comfortable with them and so they started hanging out in your dressing room. Don’t worry, you changed in the bathroom so they didn’t see anything.

“we are sober!” sunghoon shouts. you waved them off before entering the bathroom and locking it.

you pulled off your shirt when suddenly, a hand grazes your waist. you were about to scream when a hand flies to cover your mouth, preventing you from screaming.

“mind to possibly check the bathroom before you use it?” the voice whispers. your eyes widened. you forcefully pulled the hands off your mouth.

“lee heeseung??” he leans on the bathroom tiles, eyeing you up and down. you looked down at yourself before covering your body up.

“the clothes the stylist picks out doesn’t cover much, it’s not like i haven’t seen you like this before.” you scoffed.

“turn around.” you told him.

“you barged in here while i was smoking.” he folds his arms.

“Well i was going to change so you should leave!”

“Alright.” he eyes you up and down again. “I suggest wearing some tight bodycon outfits. Helps with accentuating your body shape.” he winks before leaving the bathroom. you could hear gasps from outside. you knew the others were assuming something inappropriate.

3am, was when you were done. well when the race was done, jake offered to drive you home since it was already late.

“you just want to play with leo a little longer.” you eyed jake.

“Is it wrong for me to love your dog? He is adorable and layla would love a new friend!”

“dude? We have gaeul and bisco.” sunghoon says. jungwon sighs.

“can we stop fighting about dogs? jake hyung, go drive (name) noona home. she’s had a long day and she’s tired.”

“yes leader-nim.” jake bowed. he holds out his hand ready for you to take it but heeseung slaps his hand on jake’s.

“sorry, change of plans. I’ll be driving (name) home now.” heeseung says.

“hyung, you already madeout with her in the bathroom just now! let me be a gentleman and drive her home!” jake says.

“we didn’t makeout in the bathroom! how many times have i explained to you guys.” you groaned.

“really? cause if i’m not wrong, you were begging for more. you even pulled your shirt off. doesn’t that mean you wanted more?” heeseung says. your jaw drops.

“uhhh.” sunoo awkwardly says.

“that’s umm.” ni-ki says. you took a deep breath.

“lee fucking heesung!” you grabbed his hands and dragged him out. he winks at the boys. Your puppy, leo, follows both you and heeseung out.

you folded your arms as soon as you made it outside of his car.

“Well?”

“what do you want me to say, my dear enemy?” heeseung smirks.

“can you stop with the sexual jokes?”

“you know i’m just kidding (name). Unless…” he leans forward, your breath hitching. “you want it to be real.” he smirks. you rolled your eyes and pushed him away slightly.

“why would i want it to be real? I don’t have feelings for you.”

“really?”

“heeseung, if you think i’d ever forgive you for all the shit you pulled for these 4 years. I’m not going to. you have hurt me multiple times.” you watched his eyes soften, guilt and regret taking over. “just send me home. we have school tomorrow and i have a test, i can’t be late.”

“Yeah, umm.” he unlocks his car and gets in it before realising something. he runs to your side of the door and opens it for you. you tilt your head. “Get in.” you just got in and leo hops up on your lap.

The drive home was silent as per usual.

2 months passed by and well it certainly was different. heeseung wasn’t making snarky remarks at you. Well he still did but it was more harmless. he got on your nerves less which was surprising. something that was weird to you was how protective he was over you.

Every single time any of the boys offered to drive you home, he would pitch in and say he was driving you home. At this point, the boys didn’t even bother asking, knowing heeseung would be the one assigned to drive you home. oh one more thing, the amount of times this boy always flirts with you is actually baffling.

Today was no different. you and the boys were hanging out in the dressing room. You grabbed your outfit and went to change in the bathroom. you noticed heeseung blowing out a puff of smoke. just like 2 months ago…

“why do you always smoke in the bathroom?” you questioned the boy. he huffs another smoke cloud.

“because i am near the guys.” he looks over at you, “and i’m near you.”

And there he goes again. another flirt thrown at you by none other than lee heeseung. you playfully rolled your eyes.

“get out, i need to change.” you stood there with your outfit in your hands.

“we’ve established this 2 months ago, the clothes the stylist gives you practically shows almost everything. It’s not like i haven’t seen everything.”

“you haven’t seen everything. I’m not fully naked.” you deadpan. the male walks closer to you, throwing his cigarette bud on the ground.

“and what if i want to?” he says as he extremely dangerously close to your face. Your breath hitches. He smirks and boldly pecks your lips. your eyes widened, you smacked his arm.

“dude! you just kissed me.”

“i do realise that (name).”

“You can’t just kiss me without consent!”

“you would’ve let it happen either way, am i right?” he raises his brow.

“n-no? why would i let my enemy kiss me.”

“Both you and i know, we have gone past the term enemies. we hang out in the same room without arguing horribly all the time.” you moved back and your back hits the cold tile bathroom walls. he places a hand on one side of you,

“what do you want from me?” you asked him.

it was silent as he thought of what he wanted.

“tell me you like me.”

“huh?” heeseung sighs.

“if you don’t like me like that, i’ll leave you alone and you can forget any of this happened.”

“what do you mean?”

“please.” he voices out. it was clear from his voice that he was about to cry. It was trembling.

A clear knock interrupts what you were about to say.

“noona, is everything okay in there?” sunoo calls out. you hear a gasp. “is heeseung hyung in there again! oh my god, ewww you two better not be doing something disgusting in there!”

you looked up at heeseung and he looks down at you.

“lee heeseung. I-” heeseung pushes himself away from you.

“this isn’t right. i’m forcing you. i’ve messed everything up again.” he says. when he looks back into your eyes, you could see the clear gloss covering his doe eyes. “I should leave.”

you grabbed his wrist.

“heeseung wait.” he stops. “I know you have a lot on your mind right now, you found your sister. she has to stay with you and now problems with the gang. you might have to move away…though i don’t want you to.”

“say that again.” heeseung says. you stood in front of him and held both of his hands.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“(name), we shouldn’t. I’ve hurt you enough.”

“And that’s the thing. you’ve teased me a bunch of times over the years. I hated you for it but if you leave. who is going to annoy the shit out of me everyday?”

“you can live your normal life without the insults.”

“but what if i liked the attention you gave me.” he looks up at you. “heeseung, i like you.”

The boy keeps silent. he was in shock. why would you still like him after all the horrible stuff he did and say to you? what kind of person would date their bully?

“but why would you-”

“are you not happy that i share the same feelings as you?” you asked him.

“of course i am but why would you like me after i did everything to you. you should hate me not do the opposite.”

“guess i’m fucked up then.” you say.

“(name). are you really sure about this?” heeseung says.

“are you doubting my feelings for you, lee heeseung?”

“no no, it’s just. I really don’t get why.”

“maybe i just like bad boys.” you shrugged. “Besides, you did some sort of make up by not annoying me for the past 2 months. I actually felt comfortable. love and feelings work in different ways. Maybe i just needed to get this awakening to make me realise i like you instead of hating you.”

“(name).”

“just kiss me, idiot. do you not want to kiss your girlfriend?” he blushes, “oh? I made you blush!”

“s-shut up.”

“Oh my god, the almighty lee heeseung blush-” he kisses you. you wrapped your arms around his neck and happily kissed him. his hands grazed your waist, pulling you closer.

By the minute, the kiss progressively grew heated. he definitely showed how much he liked you through the kiss. you hummed against his lips as his cold hands went under your shirt.

you hear a series of knocks at the bathroom door.

“Hey umm, heeseung we kinda need to start the match. The next rival is waiting and he is kinda impatient.” sunghoon says.

heeseung breaks the kiss and groans.

“fine but wait a minute. my lady needs to change.”

“YOUR LADY?? WOAH WOAH THE FUCK HAPPENED IN THERE.” sunghoon yells.

“things happened, now could you please relay the message. I’ll be there in a hot minute.” heeseung says.

“h-hot minute!? don’t tell me you are about to undress (name) and in a non holy way.”

“HOON SHUT IT.” you yelled. heeseung snorts. he hands you the outfit.

“I won’t peek, don’t worry.” he whispers into your ears before turning away. you shook your head and simply took off your shirt and changed into the outfit.

Once you made it out to the track area, you noticed the rival eyeing you down. As per usual. heeseung smirks, his hands wrapping around your waist as you walked towards the rival.

“nice seeing you again.” heeseung says. The guy scoffs.

“your new playtoy?”

“new?” heeseung smirks, “I think she would stick around for a long time though.” heeseung caresses your cheek lovingly.

“she’s ugly by the way.” the guy says.

“she wouldn’t be ugly if everyone wasn’t caught staring at her.” heeseung retorts back. The guy clenches his fist. you walked over and grabbed the flag. the race starts after you finished counting down. it was obvious who was going to win.

heeseung passes the finishing line with a huge gap against his rival. he doesn’t even bother looking back at his rival before making his way over to you.

“let’s leave together.”

“yes.” was all you said. heeseung pulls into a passionate kiss and spins you around happily.

love, it worked in many weird ways. you never thought you’d fall in love with the same guy who you despise but here you were and there were many more years to come with him.

[tojikai]

Do you think Gojo and Rie relationship would have lasted long? To clarify before Gojo met y/n.

Like if they gotten together during high school years would they still be together?

Or they met years later like in the current timeline but Gojo and y/n never got together in first. So no cheating with anyone. He and Rie just got together but would the relationship work?

Me personally no. Because I think they have we romanticises each other too much and have so many what if that if they did date each other. The fantasy version that they have each other would clash with real version of themselves.

Rie regrets not giving Gojo a chance because she thought he couldn’t commit in a relationship. Only to find out years later he can commit but he alright in a relationship with someone else.

Gojo is sad that Rie did gave him a chance and never really did get over her. Because who throw away a 5 year relationship just to be a high school crush and can’t help wonder if she was the one that got away. But the moment she showed interest in you years later you don’t hesitate to end things with your current girlfriend.

Also what does Rie feel about y/n? Like everything happens in the story. The cheating, didn’t clear up the misunderstanding with gojo between her and y/n at shoko party and humiliating her, telling y/n in the hospital in a serious condition that gojo cheated on her with her. Comfort confront him and accusing y/n of baby trapped him which y/n mom saw and accusing Gojo is still cheating on y/n with Rie and again doesn’t clear up the misunderstanding instead saying nothing in hopes that y/n would give up gojo for good so that her and Gojo can be together but instead it too much for y/n and cause y/n to be rush in the hospital. Y/n suffer a miscarriage and can’t trust Gojo and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him again so leave the country. Gojo lose y/n and their baby and want nothing to do with Rie. Rie is fired at her job, lose her friends and has a ruined reputation.

Does she hate y/n? Does she blame her or Gojo for this mess? Does she think she is the victim of the situation and she did nothing wrong? Or does she realise how serious her actions were and regret them and the entire situation in general?

to me, gojorie before yn, hmm maybe a couple of years. if they gave each other a chance. tho it would've been a bit rocky, but they could've made it work bc they're really into each other. it's not impossible for them to have a future.

rie's genuinely curious abt yn. bc she's satoru's first serious rs. she felt bad for what they did but she wanted happiness and w satoru dropping his rs, she liked to think that maybe it's just fate doing it's wonders. (but it didn't last long.) and she's also a bit jealous of yn bc of how much satoru cares for her and the lengths he'd go through for her. she was really frustrated w her, to the point where she tried to find reasons to blame yn for what happened to them bc she really thought her and satoru would be together fr that time. she hated that satoru loves yn more than he will ever love her. she's also frustrated w herself bc she allowed herself to be in a situation like that. she regrets that it has to reach that point but she still pities herself bc she thinks she was robbed of what's rightfully hers which led her to do the bad things she's done.

[maluarty-blog]

I need some help in a writing thing!

Hi!

If anyone can give me some feedback, I'd really appreciate it.❤

I was writing chapter 1 of What lies in the past and I found myself in a position where I didn't know whether I should write or not, because it could be a little uncomfortable. I had the idea of writing a scene where five clients would be presented, and that the MC could bed with,( I want to make it clear that no s3x scene without a RO will be very described, I don't want to romanticise prostitution and non-consensual relationships.), but in this scene the Mc would choose a client to spend the night and each one would have a different kink, for things like pain, food, ropes and so on. But now I don't know if I should write it down or not skskks

(I'm conflicted because it makes sense in Mc's work, and it would be their last act in the job, but at the same time I'm worried that it could be too much sksksk I don't know, I got this doubt out of nowhere! I'm going to leave a poll, if anyone can answer I'd appreciate it because I've gone into limbo! sksksk) (Note: if this choice is considered, it will be optional and there will be a warning!)

[evthemango]

MAFIA AU.

WARNING.

This is an AU intended for a mature and not faint hearted audience, this AU includes drug use, drug making, overdosing, murder, manipulation, abuse, torture, death, monster's eating humans, and sexual themes.

If you cannot handle any of these things, please ignore this entirely and move on. Do not romanticise the character's, you can simp for them but don't see what their doing as an ok thing, in fact, clown on their asses, and if they do one good thing, it doesn't make them a good person. Shipping is off limits unless it is a canon ship in this AU as all canon ships will be dealt with properly and not in a bullshit way like some freaks on the internet. Even if it is canon though, do not romanticise it if it is toxic, all toxic ships will end at some point, sadly not in the ways you'd wish for in some cases.

NIGHTMARE.

Nightmare is a co-boss and the third brother no one talks about in the Tale family.

Nightmare, a mafia Boss that has a family of mostly orphan kids now that he took in and cared for, yet manipulated them into believing the outside world hates them and will never accept them so that they stay with him, Mother Gothel style but he stayed around them lots more and acted like a legit dad, then when they became teens, he became more like a Boss to them. His main three boys, Killer, Dust and Horror are his favourite out of any of the others he raised, tell them, in his eye it will help encourage those employee's to be better, stronger, encourage them to prove themselves.

He was the one to make the shot, Passive called the shot, that shot going right into the side of Nym's head, how else would Passive inherit the family business? Unluckily, Dream called and made some shots too, one into Passive's skull and two into Nightmare's hip, shattering their bones beyond repair, of course, Nightmare and Passive got away and hid and as will's go, Nym did indeed leave the family business to Passive as Dream had wished to go off and pursue something else in the job field.

Passive switched up the business a little and now they also sell drugs that belong on black market, like monster dust, yeah, in this universe, monster dust can be used as a drug, there's different types which cause different effects, those are still in the works though.

You will never find Nightmare, you will never find Passive, they pay someone/thing to keep authorities off their backs, though if you get involved enough with Nightmare's boys, you'll find yourself in the corner of Nightmare's office being shot dead so pieces of you can be sold around the world, or if you're a monster, your dust will be used as a drug.

This family his Spanish and so, Nightmare mostly spoke Spanish for a while till he gathered up those poor orphans, then he learned English for them, but, he's not perfect at it and he has a heavy Spanish accent.

He will do most things to create fear in victim's and lots of pain.

Dadmare moment btw.

THE THREE SONS.

Killer: Killer will fake emotions and put on an amazing act to trick people into getting a weapon he can kill them with, if not, he'll use someone else to kill them then kill that person. His clothing was inspired by a Deadpool quote, though, he realised skeletons don't piss or shit… So… White! Then he realised too late that skeleton's bleed.

Killer - "Look, all I'm saying is if you see blood on my pants, I'm not on my period."

Dust: Dust cannot talk, he signs, the vocal part of his Soul is fucked up beyond repair so he can only make weird noises and he uses that to scream in the face of his victim who's screaming in pain as they bleed out or something so they can stare into the reflection of his mask back at themselves. He mocks them. Dust's mask is made of two pieces, a moving skeleton mask with actual bone for the mouth and two large glass plates that are bullet proof and one-way. He wears his dead brothers scarf on his wrist, though it's only a little piece of it, that's all he could salvage.

Horror: Horror cannot deal with the screams, it reminds him of his baby brothers screams as he was murdered and no thanks to that, when he hears screams from his victims he cannot control himself, so he wears headphones and listens to music to block it all out, he's usually on the job of kidnapping monsters and killing them in different ways to gain their dust for drugs, different emotions make different dust which causes different effects. Nothing special about his clothing except it helps him blend in with crowds and stuff, plus the headphones, he listens to music on tapes, not a phone.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

various sloda discourse, etc etc

i briefly touched on most of these before but this is my personal self-indulgend “I AM CORRECT NO ONE TOUCH ME” post about themes in the game, criticism i saw from others, and my own grudges with it

(warning for story spoilers) (of the whole game)

1. DUDE MADARAME IS FUCKED. THIS IS NOT LOVE

i cannot stress this enough. madarame does not love towa. madarame is a manipulative, deeply selfish, lonely person who specifically preys on the weak. i dont know if this is obvious to people who have never been abuse victims before and had to spent a large amount of time with people like him. he engages in multiple well-known abuse tactics: weakening towa and blaming it on him. blameshifting and gaslighting. specifically offering help afterwards to appear merciful. alienating towa from his friends to cancel out outside help. destroying towas sense of self, his sense of time, his ideals in life. destroying his confidence. at the start of the route towa hates everything about him, doesnt want to see him again, is grossed out by how much madarame violates him. at the end he is too destroyed to form coherent thoughts. anything that isnt being chained up and beaten and raped feels like a mercy to him. there is a reason madarame simply does not appear in the taku, rei, fujieda routes; towa has a social circle. he has support structures. it is harder to get to him. the only time madarame is able to successfully manipulate him, is when towa is in a downward spiral over indirectly killing someone and actively pushing others away. it also really is no coincidence to me madarame was drawn towards towa when he was young. towa was in a vulnerable spot: an older teen, who just escaped the most horrific past life, is caught up with the yakuza, and is extremely prone to selfharming. to a 30-ish year old madarame, he was an easy target to overpower. at the end of the day its all power games and feeling superior to him.

the game literally spells this out. over and over and over. there is nothing beautiful about it. it is a telling character study and explains a lot about their history and the world. but it is not a romance story.

like. dont romanticise this. be very very vigilant how much madarame isnt just gaslighting towa but you. learn about this behaviour and become a more mindful person through it.

2. towa, as a character, is the most satisfying creation

my boy towa. he is such a character. he is not the type i usually love but i am so so strongly captivated by his very special nature.

it is made so so easy by the game to put yourself in towas shoes. sometimes you play through a part only to realize the depths of what happened earlier bc you suddenly snapped out of towa brain. at least thats what it felt like to me.

he is strong and he is weak and he is manipulative but also brutally and compassionately honest. and it never feels out of place. i cannot describe how much i love this skrunkly. i especially love when he gets chattier later into a route... when you can tell he acts like a loner but loves his friends and loves to have people around him. he is a hot mess but he takes his meds and works his silly little job. they really captured the perfect image of a person who has given up on everything but underneath it all there is still a drive. there is still so much will to live.

i also feel like most people probably drastically changed their opinions on him while playing through the whole game. you learn and grow with him. theres a real sort of connection.

3. WISH IT WASNT A PORN GAME

slow damage, for all its rawness and aspirations, really gets held back by being sold under the premise that theres a set amount of porn scenes in every route. this is especially rough to read and sit throught in the madarame and foujieda routes but its odd for the other two as well. i understand there must be a certain amount of consistency if youre trying to sell a product, especially if you are nitrochi and, well, known for dick and balls. but at best it feels very out of place in this carefully crafted self-aware universe and at worst it just comes across as straight up offensive.

there were many times where i thought that either not having a sex scene at all would have been more meaningful (fujieda route, after towa almost killed himself. AT LEAST LEAVE THE CUM DIGGING OUT. or let towa do it himself. GOD.) or focussing on towas feelings instead of eroticism would have been better from a storytelling standpoint (madarame) and more tasteful.

I ASSUME this is as much a problem with boys love/vn media in general as it is with this game. though i cant say i read much BL. because i am not interested in reading about trama porn and shock value, which are an infamous stereotype. there is a time and place for graphic content but i feel like normalizing it and making it fapping material (sorry for my cringe wording) is really offensive and just damaging to readers in the long run.

4. the gender of it all

i have been thinking about this for a while and i think the localization team really made a great effort with getting the gender of characters across. imo, it would have been perfectly reasonable to have rei use she AND he pronouns throughout the story. though, see the point above, i dont know how limiting the genre is in that regard. and i do appreciate they really captured reis like... quirky bubbly personality and she and the gang do collectively go by “girls” a couple of times, iirc. it would have also been fine to use she/her for honami, junko, and arashi but i really Really love them all going by they/them as well. i did not expect them to be such heartfelt precious characters without transphobic violence ever being a topic and it was a breath of fresh air and so wonderful. their little clique truly is such a source of love and courage in the story. usually universes without any sort of bigots feel fake BUT in an enviroment like shinkomi it doesnt feel out of place! at least to me. you see all kinds of diverse people there. i do not doubt for a minute that the transgender community background of this city is probably the best thing about it LOL

in general, i did not expect gender to be such a big topic in general. reis development is interesting to watch and analyse. why does him becoming masc happen here but not in other routes? is this truly the end to the rei gender journey? is this party brought into place bc rei identifies moreso as a gay man than a woman here? lots to think about!!! not in a negative way at all, i think reis struggle with gender performance was really relatable+well executed.

ADDITIONALLY the fujieda bad end provides such an interesting take on this conglomerate between towa and his mother. the switches between pronouns were FANTASTIC and such punches in the gut. i absolutely LIVE for this monstrous uncomfortable weirdly gender creation and the little touches of “i thought there stood a woman....” and “it didnt matter to me if it was him or her”

5. somewhere between high empathy and cognitive dissonance

ngl, it is not inherently something i like but i am absolutely obsessed with the slight hypocrisy in the storytelling. (affectionately. they did well for what they had written out.)

shinkomi is a city filled with the impoverished, the disadvantaged and underprivileged, the sick and the preyed on. this is often mentioned and shown to be the case in the background, yet all the characters we meet live under stable circumstances. the danger never touches us, it is merely a setpiece. yet we are supposed to understand how rough life there is.

IN FACT CLASS IS SO IMPORTANT TO THIS UNIVERSE that i want to argue it was not necessarily the scars that helped fujieda and towa to bond, they were just a visual cue that thematically fit into the story. what really lifted any reservations between them was the recognition that fujieda comes from less than stellar place as well, that he has known a socially and financially unstable and dangerous enviroment. it eradicates fujiedas standing as a member of the upper class and makes him approachable.

mentioned under point 3: the underlying evil of the game is the sexual and physical abuse towa suffered in the past. yet current sexual abuse is often written to be sexy and appealing. it is quite dishonest

there is no love interest that does not have blood on their hands yet the only one to speak about his grief is taku. this makes sense because as a doctor, his sense to do good is deeply ingrained into his person, it is simply in character to do so. but shouldnt rei get to have a heart to heart about the people she had to beat in moneymatches, at the very least?

eiji as a character is this whole concept personified LOL i like him a lot

6. alas, fujieda is still in the trenches

slow damage really managed to cleanly wrap up so many little sideplots and the main mystery and tragedy surrounding towa and his mother was executed absolutely beautifully.

but alas, fujieda stayed in the trenches. he very much comes across as a side character to towa in the final route. yet he has his own trauma, his own regrets about his past, his own unresolved struggles. the end very much hints towards him and towa slowly healing together but ah.... i cant help but think i would have loved to see more that vulnerable side of him more...

from what i have heard about the artbook story (havent been able to check his afterstory drama cd out yet! but i definitely plan to listen to it eventually), it took half a year for him and towa to get physical again. thats so... strangely calming. the entire time throughout the post-shower scene i couldnt help but think they are searching for warmth but also slightly retraumatizing eachother. bro.. the sweet pain of seeing him readjust towas hands and face if he touched or kissed him in a wrong place. gently and quietly. without saying anything. you could tell he is still deeply hurt and was using the skills from his own undesirable past just to please towa. its very sacrifical in that way. this sounds like im not talking about what was really just a prostate massage but yeah. anyway.

i cant help but think fujieda hates sex. not that he dislikes intimacy. and he certainly seems to adore towa. but he has clear limits. sad but also nice to see, i think??? i love the vulnerability of it.

7. jast usa made a lifelike translation and everyone hated them for it

OK YES!!! YES!!! I DONT SPEAK JAPANESE!! but talking about it with my friends who do......... idk man i think they just tried to create a lifelike translation and put some funnies in there. its honestly fine. also on behalf of the very consistent they/themming i am willing to eat out of their hand. yes, yes maybe rei did not originally end all these sentences in “, hun?” but you know what. if english pronouns are putting a limit on you, you have to have him talk like a motherhen.

8. ok we have to do this. we have to talk about DISABILITY

towa is... so disabled. towas is deeply chronically ill. and we need to ackowledge this. to truly grasp a lot of the significance of the story. he is missing an eye, he is super mega depressed and suicidal, he is terribly underweight, no doubt his has multiple other physical issues caused by past injuries.

when everyone supports him unconditionally, they want to include and spend time with their struggling disabled friend. when people violate him, they are specifically abusing a disabled person with less chances to help and save himself. when taku is impossibly protective over him to a point where he neglects to tell him things, he is acting out a pseudo-custodian role he voluntarily picked up just because towa means a lot to him.

i spoke about this before but autonomy is of HUGE importance to towa. both because his specific backstory and childhood trauma AND because he is a disabled person. i think the fact people dont try to hold him back from going on self destructive sprees has a lot to do with this. they know it is his weakest spot. he does not react well to it. also shown quite effectively but how much freedom he loses in his bad ends.

in a way the madarame route makes specific use of this; madarame denies him his right to stay unharmed and stable and sells it to him under the guise of independence. but i think everyone can understand that this will never be a realistic permanent solution for someone in need of care, even if it might seem temporarily desirable. you cannot survive and thrive like this.

9. pick your coping skill; the game

slow damage, in my opinion, is a game mainly focussed on hurt and coping skills. everything towa does is a direct or subconscious attempt to cope with his life and past experiences. as such, to me it seems like the routes are less about love interests and more about different ways of dealing with it.

taku -> just fight the symptoms. take care of yourself. you can be happy in a new life. just attempt to bury your issues.

rei -> socializing is really really good for you and will help you build up confidence <3 also keeps you from running into traffic bc your friends will actually let you know your life matters

madarame -> just badcope lol. wear it like a shield and lash out against yourself and others. hurt hurt hurt but at least you dont have to work on yourself. it is the direct easy way out

foujieda -> radically tackling the roots of the issue. you will be SO hurt but you might be able to heal in a few years time

10. personal favourites (unimportant, i just wanna gush)

fav characters: taku (his old man sad boy swag has bewitched me, i just really love his struggle with doing the right thing, as a person AND a medical professional. he is the only character allowed to truly express his pain and guilt), ikuina (i love a good softspoken yandere what can i say. also flowerboy <3), igarashi (WHaT WAS HIS DEAL I NEED TO KNOW HOW HE ENDED UP WITH THE YAKUZA he is such a honest puppy of a person. his last post-game dialogue makes me think this isnt even a facade, he just is an upstanding person) honorable mentions: towa (how can you not be obsessed with him), rei (sweetest girl. literally did no wrong. joy of my life), eiji (HIS REVOLVER OCELOT LARP WAS UNBELIEVABLE literally hes just so funny and evil)

fav good/euphoria end: ITS NOT PERFECT BY ANY MEANS but taku. definitely taku. yeah the weird dependent relationship between a doctor and a patient with 20 years age gap is quite creepy. i could not imagine this irl. but their chemistry and just... fluffy, gentle, sweet bond. is. everything to me. while it is not the ideal solution by any means, i also love the sweet pain of towa just never finding out about his past and starting a new life without it. it will always hurt a little bit in the back. but he can be happy and surrounded by friends. I ALSO REALLY LOVE FUJIEDA GOOD END i think i would be way more obsessed with it if i saw them interact more in a very casual setting? since the plot moved on quickly, they had very little time to really... establish what connects them outside of painful things that happened in the past?

fav bad/madness end: FUJIEDAAAAAAAA it is so fucked up. it is the scariest one despite being the least bloody. there is something deeply deeply haunting about watching towa go through all of this, experience so much pain and suffering in the name of uncovering and rediscovering his own life......just for it all to be for nothing. he got worse. this truly is the most chilling outcome of them all and i think it is a fantastic last end for a story that mainly focusses on trauma and recovery. isnt that the ultimate horror story.

also i am quite fascinated that in every other madness end, towas life gets ruined by his love interests. fujieda however is as much in the role of a victim as he is, though. and the slight cry for help at the end really drives home why he cannot leave. they are caught in worlds unhappiest yet loving marriage.

fav route to play: FUJIEDA ONCE AGAIN just because the game got so quirky with visuals and you finally get all the information and clues and emotional gratification of it all. yes it also destroys you mentally but thats part of the joy.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY. reis route. it is so deeply defined by his beautiful friendships and there is a real sense of life and love when you see his little clique hang out... it definitely is the most fluffy and feel good to play through. i dont really like reitowa as a romantic pairing but seeing them hang out is SOOOO sweet.

thank you everyone for coming to my ted talk

[elusium]

helluu i'm so so excited that opening's here wuhu!! i'm blue ( 21+, s/h ) & this is heo yewon, nothing notable to her name </3 she's just some rich astran's personal assistant, waiting for the day her boss promotes her to astra & she can leave this place behind... if that ever happens! u know what it is, profile page here, her tldr & plots are below the cut, pls like to plot or add me on dc ( pomelos. ) & i’ll be there ♡

TLDR

backstory is ur usual ansan born, raised & still stuck here kinda deal. it's not all bad, because she did grow up on the nicer side of the airstrip, but it doesn't mean she's satisfied with this life. there's gotta be something more, something out there meant for her, right?

but she doesn't know what that something is, aimless in that sense. restless, with no reason for it. she's latched onto the idea that astra will be the place for her, the place with all the answers, so she's put her name in the lottery every year & dreams of it, her wes anderson new york fantasy

there's a disconnect between what she thinks of her ansan experience & the reality of it, her dissatisfaction colouring everything a shade darker than it really is. all things considered, she had a fairly calm childhood & a cushy job now, but it doesn't stop yewon from complaining about it! she's been in fairly close proximity to astra & that better life that she can't help but compare it to everything that she doesn't have, not noticing all the things she does

& her job! can we say astra / corpo sellout... yes we can! went from secretary straight out of high school & slogged her way to personal assistant for some fancy rich astran because the company promised that employees who perform well might get promoted to astra. she handles all their ansan business matters & kinda wants to d word from being on call 24/7 but she also gets to stay at their la mariposa apartment for housesitting / keeping purposes

she says she hates her boss & hopes they get eaten by karma... only after she gets to astra, pls. screw the astrans, until she gets to go !

jokes on her though, her boss gambled away some trivial assets on hand... which were all of their ansan businesses & her job... so she's got a new boss she's never met & yikes, he's in town! 😱

anyway she's fully willing to do anything for her boss even if it's shady because she's 1) just a dumb assistant & 2) really wants this promotion to work out! how far is she willing to go so she gets her dream of going to astra? we're gonna find out!

secret family backstory unlocked! daughter of an nightrunner known as an ansan legend for the damage he caused when he went cyberpsycho defending his crew ( insp by david from cyberpunk edgerunners! ), her dad's last job netted her & her mum enough eddies to live on the clean/good life… but she still lost her dad as a child & it's partly why she wants to get out of ansan & also why she looks down on that side of the city even though technically what she has is owed to it. yewon keeps it quiet, her dad known more for the chipware he had on than his name, & it's the only thing she doesn't complain about. super unlikely that muses would know this ic, but it does inform a lot of her actions!

misc fun facts: all her mods are vanity mods & a made up ver of google / chatgpt ... no protection u could beat her up! also has an ashley too doll ( black mirror inspo ) probably outdated / a relic of the times but she still bops to the songs hey yea whoa-ho!!

personality wise, she's ur cynical uncle's gen z stereotype. expects too much, complains about what she has, doesn't have a backbone to speak of & does whatever is easiest at the moment for her until something easier comes along. thinks she's better & above all of this. & on the flipside, she's more than willing to work & wait for it, whatever it may be; she romanticises everyone's life but her own, loves helping people but for the wrong reasons because it gives her a boost of self-esteem. makes reckless impulsive decisions, doesn't really know what she wants but she's demanding anyway, kind of all over the place but somehow comes in clutch thanks to her caffeine shots. she's trying! not her best, but she swears the trying counts!

chara inspos are portia from the white lotus & the vampire familiars in wwdits... astrans are vampires confirmed??

horoscope chart time she's an aries sun ( fireball ), pisces moon ( anxious insecure fireball ), gemini rising ( anxious insecure fireball who doesn't know where she's headed but she sure is going somewhere, help! ), she's got no earth to ground her at all & her signs are just a conflicted mess all around! good luck girly!

PLOTS

fellow starseeker, spacewalker hopeful? someone who aspires to astra like her, for whatever reasons they might have!

someone who grew up always having a little less than her, a friend as long as she had more & they had less... until now? someone who makes her feel a little better about herself, who may be climbing up the ladders and/or realising she's a bad friend

someone she's envious of, but embarrassed about being envious. they don't have the usual markers of success but they're content in a way she's doesn't understand

fellow victims of capitalism working for revel / hansol. trauma bonding over bad working conditions?

party friends, here to cut loose, live life, get totally smashed & swear they won't do it ever again... until next weekend arrives

someone she screwed over for her current job, maybe she beat them out for it or did something at the behest of her boss while knowing it would screw them over?

ya know the usual... childhood friends/rivals, exes, coworkers, friends, enemies, u name it i would like it!

also lucy & david moon braindance scene that's all i ask!

[elinawriterofwords]

Hi! I'm writing a book about a princess with far too many love interests and not nearly enough brain cells (she shares one with her handmaiden, Sappho, who usually keeps custody of it.)

The majority of the book takes place in a fantasy world equivalent of the Mediterranean. Since there are gods and goddesses who aren't always portrayed very nicely and aren't based on real religions, I decided it's better not to make the setting a 1:1 reflection of the real world. However, I still want to honor the cultures that lend these fantasy lands their backbones. I'm still researching and developing characters and countries, and if anyone has feedback on how to write better representation, I'm happy to receive it!

If I'm doing a good job:

Thalia, Sappho, Pelagios, etc. = Ancient Greek (with intentional liberties, especially regarding religion). It might help me to influence their values and personalities based on different regions and time periods in Greek history

King Cyrus = Achaemenian. He's not very sympathetic so I should probably include at least another Persian character.

Faraj = of Amazigh descent (Likely his mother should have passed down more of his culture to him than she currently has. That needs to be fixed.)

Aisata = Undecided (more research needed at this point), from a nation in West Africa, possibly Mali

Zhurong Yu = Tang Dynasty, with tropes from Xianxia and court dramas. Strongly influenced by Taoist and Buddhist beliefs despite having a strong Confucian streak.

Zhuge Wu = More aligned with the culture as it's reflected in the Warring States period, again incorporating tropes from Xianxia and court dramas. Very Confucian in philosophy.

Empress Diao = Likely from the region near Turkey; more research and probably a name change are needed. Again, not the most sympathetic.

Things I want to avoid:

Explicit references to real religions

Treading into unsavory territory regarding tropes and stereotypes, intentionally or not

use of the word "tribe"

A "western" concept of "good" and "evil." Thalia's character arc is influenced by the Taoist idea of yin, yang, and balance, but I'm also going to be researching other cultures' concepts as well.

implying slavery is okay, even if the characters have their struggles working out the ethical implications when it's all they've known

characterizing any one group as being mainly or mostly heroes or villains or being inherently better or worse

Poorly navigating the power dynamics between Thalia and her peers, particularly Faraj.

Erasing Thalia's bisexuality, even if she has a preference for men

Romanticising Thalia's depression.

My Wish List

More characters of a wider variety of ethnicities and more significant parts for the non "Greek" characters, especially early on.

Improving relations between Thalia and her fellow wives as she lives in court. Some can be mean, but there needs to be some camaraderie

Passing the Bechdel test in most chapters lol

Visible trans characters (I have some, but "outing" them feels like it's not my business?)

Visible disabled characters

Aisata deserves all the love. She should win a popularity contest.

Thalia entering her Villain Era should be fun to read

A consistent message and theme about the importance of listening to, learning from, and uplifting others; intersectionality

Trying to get back in the reading scene. Currently reading A Court of Thorns and Roses. I'm always looking for new friends, so feel free to say hi, especially if we have stuff in common!

[kaepop-trash]

Notorious: Act III

Rated: 18+ ONLY, Smut, Neo-Noir, Femme Fatale, Undercover Agent, Criminal, Exes to "Lovers", Mutual Pining, Cat and Mouse dynamics but make it hurt.

Pairing: JaehyunxReaderxJohnny

Summary: Inspired by Notorious (1946), Ever since your father went to jail for an illegal arms trade, a lot had changed in your life. Your present was about living with a tarnished reputation, the only redemption being a strange man who you agreed to help get to the root of the same trade that ruined your family. Still, just as you were adjusting to that very man, your past came back to haunt you. The only part of your past that had ever been happy till it wasn't, a part you could leave behind but never forget. But if Johnny was your past and Jaehyun your present, what would your future be?

Warnings: Smut; Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Fingering, Clit-slapping, Edging; Dubious Power Dynamics, Dry-humping, Penetration; Angry Sex, Make-up Sex (I guess?); Emotional Manipulation, Sexual Manipulation, Questionable Dynamics; Toxic Dependency, Trauma Bonding, Romanticisation of all the above; Unhealthy Relationships.

Word Count: 13.1k

(A/N): This is literally just smut hmm. Perdido de Amor is genuinely the soundtrack for Johnny, just heart-wrenching enough to be the best for these two. I wrote that scene with that on repeat and boy do I recommend listening to it while reading it. It just works, trust me. Sorry for this one, just so many words of horny pain. I'm blaming it on my stress and these characters.

Act I | Act II | Act III

Taglist: @commentgirl @sadgirlroo @nak4m8to @babyksworld @milkyway-vxm @hwangful

The Captain laughed at something the Colonel said, earning Jaehyun's attention back to the conversation when the man patted his back once.

"Jeong can confirm with full faith. The man was assigned to live with her, after all." The Captain laughed.

The mention of (Y/N) made him turn his head towards the man, "What about her?" He questioned impassively. Both the Captain and the Colonel laughed, the latter patting his hand over the coffee table.

"Your Captain was just telling me that if there was ever a person tailored to fit a role, it had to be (Y/N) (Y/L/N) to honeytrap this rich asshole." He chuckled to himself, smoking one of the Cubans he insisted on handing out. "I bet it's the ass."

Jaehyun's frown at the statement was truly involuntary.

"Honestly," The Captain clapped his hand against his own thigh. Jaehyun turned away from the Colonel to face him. "I don't get what she was being so difficult for." He scoffed loudly, "It's not like he hasn't fucked her before. He's good looking too. I want to go home for the holidays, but she just had to suddenly preach to me. If she changes her mind, we're fucked." He told the Colonel with a serious look that was momentary.

"She won't." Jaehyun interjected.

"Not everybody is stick-straight with their morals like you, Jeong." The Captain chuckled. "What's to say she decides she can't betray her ex-husband?"

"They weren't married." Jaehyun looked away, resisting the tight flex of his jaw. "She knows what he's done. It's indefensible." His words sounded to him like reassurance for himself more than for the others.

"She cares now. I've seen enough missions go downhill to understand the risk we're taking." The Colonel's tone was patronising, "She was the last resort of a long list of things we've tried. That's why it's your job to make sure she stays in line." He pointed the cigar towards him. "Your resume speaks well of you and I need this to be spotless. That's why you're here." His tone was of his rank, the authority something Jaehyun was trained to obey. "If she steps out of line, there is persecutory evidence against her that can be procured. You'll just need to say the word."

He turned his attention away from Jaehyun, back to the Captain. "If morality doesn't work, the threat of prosecution just might." He shrugged. The Captain's eyes lit up, no doubt eager to take his leave.

"It won't come down to that." Jaehyun's voice was deeper than before, he was compelled to clear his throat. "Let me do my job and it won't come down to that." He gave them a nod, throat still dry.

Perdido de Amor

She left the apartment rather reluctantly because they ran out of coffee. With a loose-knit cardigan that was vastly unsuitable for the warm weather wrapped close to her chest, she crossed the road to enter the small mart opposite the building. On her way back, her steps faltered when she saw a familiar car. Johnny stood leaning against the driver's door, hands crossed in front of his chest and watching her from across the street with deep contemplation.

For a single beat, her heart skipped. She turned to face him completely, his face not changing. For a moment, she rocked on her feet and stood in place. Her heart somehow felt heavier than her throat as she took a step towards him. With a soft sigh, she looked away from him to the tiled pavement. Then she took more steps.

"I've been coming here for three days." His voice made her look up, stopping short of a few metres from him.

"Why?" Her brows creased with justified confusion.

"Each time I lost the courage to go up to your door." He uncrossed his arms, putting his hands into his pockets, still watching her with a contemplative squint.

She panicked for a moment; considering the situation if he came up to the apartment and Jaehyun opened the door.

She took another step closer, "Why are you here at all?" She kept her eyes away from his face, looking at the sky behind him instead.

"My house is done. I moved out of the hotel and moved in." He dropped his eyes to her face when she came and stood close enough.

"Oh." Her words turned distracted as she looked into his eyes.

"It doesn't mean anything without you." He said. She bit her bottom lip as it trembled. "None of this means anything without you." He pointed at his car and out somewhere in the distance. "Seeing you that day at the garden made me feel more than I have in years. I'll take the anger and nerves that come with you, the hurt. I still can't be the one to walk out on us." He said without any bite. Like it was something he had entirely come to terms with.

"But I'm selfish." She turned away from him entirely, groaning softly when her eyes welled. The words weren’t meant to sound petulant, but her bottom lip quivered making her look indignant instead of cautionary.

"So am I." His voice was soft, "The only difference is that the thing I'm selfish about is you."

She turned to him, groaning again. He stood up from against the car, she took two more steps.

"You hate me." She reminded him.

He gave her a nod before smiling intimately when she was close enough for him to reach. She closed her eyes in a futile attempt to curb the tears that slipped out from the corners.

"Don't do this to yourself." Her words were whispered from trembling lips. "Please, I'm begging you." A sob left her.

This was the worst feeling she knew. Being stuck. Her heart and mind never agreed with him, right now the frustration of it made her weep with the dreadful mix of anger and sorrow. When she left him it was because her mind was set on him, but her heart longed to fly.

Now her mind told her where this would go with glacial certainty, no way but towards doom. Yet her heart, her heart currently urged to slip out from between her fingers only to stay in the crevices of the man in front of her.

There was nothing she could do but cry. It was divine justice; if she would ruin his life, in exchange he was allowed to have her heart. At least the parts that weren't occupied.

Her chest touched his, another sob struggled in her chest.

"There are many things in life that I was made to want." His hand cupped her cheek. "The only thing I've ever wanted by myself is you. You are the only thing in life that was mine." He gave her a nod, his smile falling. "You've broken my heart so much that I can't help the resentment I feel sometimes." He put his other hand on her other cheek, taking another step closer. "But I've realised," the smile his lips lifted with this time was full of regret. "I'd rather have you break my heart every single day than have someone who will never touch it." He dragged his fingers into her hair. "And I'd rather resent you than love someone else." His fingers brushed against her neck from between her hair. "I'm sorry. I can't let you go." He whispered with the lightness of a mist, the words settling like morning dew and dripping into her ears.

He let her face go when she dropped her gaze to the pavement, giving him a brisk nod as her tears slipped away and she traced the edges of the cracked tiles. She sighed with defeat, putting her head against his chest, listening to his calm but unsteady heartbeat. She put a hand beside her head, inhaling his presence.

"Nothing in the world feels more like home than you." Her vision glazed with more tears at the realisation of her own words.

"Stay with me." His arms wrapped around her waist. There was nothing she could do but nod.

At Johnny's.

Jaehyun returned home to an empty apartment, looking around with slowly building concern before his eyes came to the sticky note on the refrigerator.

He folded the paper neatly, throwing it into the trash along with an empty packet of coffee on the counter.

Change

She had been sitting at the breakfast counter in the kitchen so long that her back hurt. Morning turned to afternoon, with the overcast sky blurring any sense of time beyond the numbers flashing on her phone screen every time she checked. The view from his kitchen was beautiful. The glass wall against the high table overlooked the dense tropical forest at the edge of the property, leading up to the cloud-tipped Mount Corcovado.

It was a beautiful view and a beautiful house. One she currently passed the afternoon alone in. She tapped her fingers against the marble top, watching the tree canopy rattle as something moved inside it, out of sight.

Johnny had dropped her off at his house and told her he would be back in the evening after some urgent work. He told her to make herself comfortable in the space, whatever that meant. She chose not to be annoyed by it, taking the time to gather her mind instead of both dreading and anticipating his arrival.

When she told Johnny to wait in his car while she went upstairs to gather some things, he didn't insist on coming upstairs. While Jaehyun wasn't at home, the evidence of his presence in the house was unmistakable. Johnny would know. He stayed quiet for the rest of the journey, brows furrowed in deep contemplation throughout. She didn't question it, relieved that he even came back.

She tried to reason with herself. What he was doing needed to be stopped, she knew that. She didn't find it in her to be comfortable to sit back if she knew she could directly help someone. Her life was meaningless, one of the billions who were only born to one day die. She knew that. So she would do this if it could mean something.

She reasoned that he could die doing what he does now. It had to be a dangerous profession if the stakes were as high as she assessed from her limited observation. If she did this, he would be in trouble. But she could mitigate the worst of what could happen. She owed him that, after everything that had been and that would be done.

She put her forehead against her hands, dragging a defeated breath out of her chest.

She loved him once. No matter how inexperienced and uncertain it was, it was love. She knew what it was to be loved by him too, undeterred and patient. She remembered it all; she guarded it close to her heart for years as one did of beautiful memories that were rare. Their love was comfortable and openly vulnerable, things that weren't to be appreciated in youth as much as in maturity.

Everything about this made her heart sink further into her chest. Their love would now be brutal and bruised, she could predict that much with harrowing accuracy. There was no other way out but forward. She was slowly preparing herself to let go of those tender memories that would now be replaced by the caustic realisation of her betrayal that was inevitable. The Johnny who claimed nothing could make him hate her would eventually despise her.

Jaehyun's face flashed in her mind, making her look back up at the view in front of her in the hope of distracting her mind. She thought about the audacious request he left her with a few nights ago.

Think about me.

She wanted to slam her head against the counter till the words tumbled out of her head. He was ruthless for burning those words into her mind. He had no right to the space he was digging himself into in her thoughts. Not when he was the reason she was here.

He told her to trust him when he told her she was being recruited. Then she learned a year later what being recruited meant for her. Her lips twitched. Rage was a mild word for what she felt towards him, brewing in her with such potency that some moments she urged to rip him in half.

She wondered if that would finally ease the burn he left inside her. Every brush of his touch, his skin, had embedded itself into her mind and she wanted it to stop.

He was using her.

Like so many other people in her life, she was merely a body to fill a role for him. He was just selfish enough to carve out two, one of which he wanted for himself. But the other he was willing to pass on to fulfil a purpose. That instilled in her a rage she would never be able to swallow without charring her throat.

So how do you want to be used? A voice inside her head patronised her, By someone who only uses you for themselves but gives himself to be used completely in return or by someone who uses you for something they believe is the greater good?

There was never a perfect answer.

The sun had started its journey west for the day and she decided it was time for a long comforting bath to pass the time. She slipped out of the chair, turning away from the sight in front of her.

Despite the breathtaking view, she already missed the sea.

On her way to the bathroom, (Y/N) realised that she had left her phone in the kitchen. On her way back, she heard the main door open. She stopped at the foot of the stairs, looking down with sudden breathless anticipation.

After a beat, Johnny walked up the stairs, running his hands through his damp hair. She looked up at the large window to realise that it had finally started raining.

When she turned back, he was looking at her. His eyes were tired and his back was hunched.

"How was your day?" She kept her voice light.

"Long. Difficult." He huffed, dragging his feet over the last few stairs.

"I'm going for a bath." She turned her entire body towards him.

"Oh." He said as he finished the last few stairs, voice distracted.

"Want to join me?" Her fingers gripped the towel over her shoulders. He looked up from the floor to her, taking a single step closer.

Age was kind to him in a way that made her jealous. They were now at the time of their lives where the body slowly started spitting out various drawbacks of age— slower movements and general exhaustion. Johnny looked better than when she last saw her. His hair pushed back and longer than he had kept it before, falling on his face when not kept up deliberately. The shirt and dress pants he had been wearing since morning now stuck to his body courtesy of the short walk in the rain he had to take from the garage to the front steps of the house.

Once in a different lifetime, Johnny's cousin Donghyuck had told her that Johnny was good at controlling his anger because he put it into lifting weights— a joke he made about his brother's gym fever when she asked why he called Johnny scary.

Looking at him now made her think that Johnny must have been furious all the time. His once contoured but lanky hands were full and strong; his once too-wide shoulders equally matched with his now spread chest, stretching the wet cotton of the pink shirt he was in. She moved her eyes up before she either went lower or stared too long. The fact that he looked pleased by her gaping did nothing to mitigate her nerves.

Slowly, he nodded at her, slipping his hand into hers so very effortlessly and guiding them upstairs.

"What do you think of the place?" He questioned while she rubbed shampoo into his scalp. His eyes remained closed as he hummed periodically when she dragged her nails against his scalp.

"It's very nice. A little big for you though, don't you think?" She ran her fingers over the back of his head, making him lean his head forward to give her access.

"It's fine for two people, right?" His easy tone hid the depth of his intention.

"Still too big," She mumbled softly, "But I can see how you would choose this place over anything else." She moved the conversation away, realising it worked when he looked up to look at her through the reflection in the glass window in front of the tub. Her cheeks heated when she finally confronted the sight. Johnny sat between her legs while her fingers were in his soapy hair, his back pressed against her chest.

"Why do you say that?" His words accompanied an amused smile, taking her attention back to his eyes.

"It's got so many glass walls, you’re surrounded by nature and you can get natural light. This is your dream house." Her thumb brushed up the back of his neck, making his back stiffen. She watched the gesture with tempered intrigue.

"I got the walls done myself. It's an old colonial in the front but I wanted it more modern back here. Rebuilding it was the only choice." His eyes watched her with an intensity that was unmatched by his domestic conversation.

She could tell what he meant, the house had been torn down in places to be built up the way he liked it specifically— it was precisely why she knew it was his dream house.

"It's nice."

"You hate it." He bit his lip.

"No, I said it's nice. I love the view, it's a beautiful house." She said matter of factly.

"But do you like it?" He insisted, leaving her discomfited.

"Yes. I really do. The pool looks good, there’s good outdoor space downstairs.” She recalled the things she’d noticed while exploring the property. “The kitchen is beautiful, do you want me to make you something after?" She tried to keep the conversation on her track, talking about things he would like.

"You hate cooking." He stated, lips downturning with a twitch that was prominent because of his full lips.

"I did it for you." She looked away from the window, turning back to just focus on his head, on the task at hand. She reached over to the bucket beside the tub and poured a mug full of water over his head.

"Fuck." He jerked when the cool water ran down his head, she bit back a smile at the reaction. He sat up a little higher, turning with a warm glow in his eyes to see her smile himself and not through a reflection.

"You think it's funny now, but it's your turn next." His voice dripped with taunt.

"My hair doesn't need washing." She poured another mug over his head, running her fingers through his hair to wash it properly, her smile spreading wider when he groaned.

"Let me do it anyway." He sat up a little higher, no doubt to avoid any more cold water over his head. He put a hand over hers and lowered the mug, "We do it for each other." In a lighter mood, she would have rolled her eyes at that. Instead, she nodded. He left a soft kiss on her forehead, lifting her away and lying back on the cool ceramic himself. He pressed her back closer to his chest, crossing his legs across her waist. She folded her legs up, both of them settling into a comfortable position.

She watched him in the glass as he squirted shampoo into his fingers. When he rubbed it into her scalp she scrunched her nose before his fingers distracted her. His fingers dug into her scalp with expert precision, the tension in her skull dissipating with each press. The shampoo smelled like the salty ocean and sweet grass.

"This is what you smell like." Her eyes fluttered shut when he dragged his thumb down her spine.

"It is my shampoo." His amused tone made her open her eyes, leaning back to look at him. His gaze changed when she did, her eyes half open and a little dazed. "Do you like it?" He pressed his fingers into her scalp, making her close her eyes again, giving him a nod.

He massaged her scalp so well, that she felt her eyes get heavier as she rolled her head to give him more access. He pulled her closer, tightening his legs around her. Her knees lifted higher, making ripples on the water's surface. She bit her lip when she felt him hard against her back. He took one hand away from her head. Distracted by the soothing fingers, she couldn’t hold back a whine in protest.

When his thumb brushed against her breast, her eyes shot open. She met his gaze in the window, her legs spread wide and her back squirming against his chest. Her eyes landed on his hand, he squeezed her nipples between his fingers. Her gasp was soft but it made his lips tug with satisfaction. His nails grazed down her scalp, making her head fall back and her eyes flutter shut. He rolled her nipple again.

A douse of cold water made her sit up with a gasp as she heard his chuckle. Her eyes opened as both his hands returned to her head.

“Jackass!” She gasped.

"Just finishing up." There was a ghost of a smile on his face, one she could see in his reflection. She watched him pour more water down her head, getting the last of the shampoo out.

She would smell like him now, she noted. They would smell the same.

"Are we done?" She questioned, voice coming back down.

He nodded while drawing her hair behind her ears and wringing it. "Yeah, let's go." He put his hands on her shoulder, the otherwise warm skin, the same temperature as hers after the bath. They looked at each other in the window for a moment.

The reflection was an illusion, she told herself, giving her the freedom to watch him for as long as she did. His careful efforts and calm voice that numb the senses, his playful disposition and small but certain retaliation. He was her Johnny.

Her Johnny was also an illusion.

He was the first to draw his gaze away, hands going to the edge of the tub to sit himself up. She got out before he did to make it easier for his long limbs, walking over to the counter to pick up a towel. Once she turned back to face him, he got out of the massive tub, eyes roaming her naked body in a way that she had been stopping herself from doing to him. She reached the towel out to him, making him look back up at her face.

The silence between them hung like the humidity in the air— at the same time both predictable and heavy. She couldn’t find anything to say, so she let it continue hanging.

He took a few steps to take the towel from her hands, running it through his hair rapidly. The entire time he watched her, looking like he was trying to be absolutely sure she was actually here. The thought tugged at her heart and she turned away to pick up another towel for herself. Before she turned back, he was closer to her, wrapping his towel around her and embracing her, resting his chin on her head.

“I keep thinking I’m dreaming.” His whisper was brittle.

“If you were, it would be a lot easier than this.” Despite trying to joke, her voice was feeble. Everything about him was familiar this close, like being dipped into the sepia tone of nostalgia that could be rosy around the edges. He chuckled softly, lips pressing against her crown.

“Food?” He questioned.

She nodded, needing to distance herself from him.

She watched him chop onions effortlessly with a knife that was so precise that it looked very sharp, concentrating on the action with his whole face. He even wore an apron over his t-shirt and shorts. She watched his sincere effort closely, eyes travelling up his left arm. The short sleeves of his t-shirt made a tattoo visible on his upper arm, one of a jaguar. She didn’t think Johnny would ever get a tattoo. Neither did she think she’d like it.

She moved her eyes away swiftly, “Since when do you know how to cook?” She rested her head against her arm on the counter, looking up at him.

“Since I’ve had to live alone.” He smiled, looking up to her face for a second before returning it to the chopping board. “Mom taught me the basics, then I started experimenting.”

She smiled, “Your mom was always the best cook. I miss the cakes she would always have at home. She tried her best to teach me, but baking needs more patience than I’ve ever had.”

He grinned wider this time, “You know I’m perfecting that chocolate cake she always made. I even know the secret ingredient.” He gloated, looking up at her with pride.

“Nutmeg.” She replied.

When Johnny’s smile dropped she laughed, sitting up straight. “You’re the only person who couldn’t tell. It was fairly obvious.” She laughed again when he pouted at his onions. “You’ll still make it right?” She bit her tongue after the words, still unsettled about having such a routine conversation with him.

“Sure. For now, this stew will have to do though.” He turned to give her another momentary look.

“So it’s a stew.” She raised a brow at him. Johnny hummed in response, turning back to move the now chopped onions into a bowl.

“Don’t get your hopes up too high. I started trying this a few weeks ago after going through a lot of recipes.” He warned her.

“What is it?” She propped her elbow on the counter and put her cheek into her palm.

“You know that winter when we went to Marrakech and you became obsessed with that lamb curry?” He raised both his brows, looking up at her with hope. “I’m hoping you still like it.” He admitted with a shrug.

She did. Even now, she would sometimes find herself looking for Moroccan restaurants, trying to find a lamb curry that would taste like the one at the restaurant in Marrakech. She didn’t know how to respond to him though, or how to accept the gravity of the gesture. So, for a moment, his words hung in the air.

“Anything you make I will love.” She added at last, visibly pleasing him with the response.

Dinner was good. She could tell that he made the stew from memory, putting things she remembered that specific stew had, like raisins and pomegranates. It was a meaningless touch to him probably, but it pressed down on her chest with more weight than she could hold.

She told him many times that it was good too. Till he cracked a smile and told her that he got it the first time she said it.

She drank down a whole glass of water after finishing her food, her warm sweaty palm leaving a foggy imprint once she put the glass back down.

With a slow turn, she faced him, the iron legs of the high chair dragging just enough to get his attention. He turned his attention to her as he drank his own water, watching her in tepid silence. When he put the glass down, her eyes traced his face while he sat immobile under her gaze.

The frown he seemed to have more frequently now had left it's impact on his ageing forehead, the lines growing deeper when he gathered his brows again. She looked into his eyes, dark brown in the shadow his hair left under the ceiling lights. When she brought her eyes lower, his lower lip formed a shadow on his chin the same way. She grazed her eyes over his lips, the surface glossy from the water he just drank. With a sharp swallow, he parted them.

"What are you doing?" His voice was low, darker than the night outside the window.

"Trying to find what's changed." She blinked her eyes to his neck. "I don't think I can find it in your face." She mumbled, shifting her hips on the chair. The legs scratched against the floor again. She looked up at him when he reached out, grabbing the chair and lifting it to place it closer to his. He himself didn't move, lowering his eyes to keep them on her instead. Waiting, she realised.

She reached out and put her fist on his chest, spreading her fingers out slowly and watching his chest move under her palm. When she curled her fist again, his t-shirt was between her fingers. She looked up at him again, eyes tender.

"Come here." Her voice was a feather-light whisper. When he didn't move, she tugged his shirt forward. He stumbled a few inches forward, hollow eyes still watching her. She moved closer to him instead, lips brushing against his. She felt his soft gasp, the sound allowing her to put her other hand on his neck.

She closed her eyes before he did, tilting her head up to pull his bottom lip between her lips. When he still didn't move her face felt hot, the nerves of rejection and embarrassment slowly wrapping itself around her.

She let his t-shirt go as she realised that he was trying to make her feel how he felt, the payback effective as a tear threatened the corner of her eye. She pushed back from him, their noses brushing. When she opened her eyes, his were already on her, now impossibly light like liquid gold after she had pushed his hair away. His hand came to her cheek before she pulled back any further, shifting his head to kiss her cheek. His eyes flicked back to hers after he did, turning to kiss her chin. His lips brushed hers, his eyes turbulent as they searched hers for something unknown.

It was the uncharacteristic silence that made a weight press down on her stomach, making her queasy. She pecked his lips again, a silent but desperate demand. Standing on the precipice like they were while his eyes spoke so loudly. It made her think she'd be sick.

She pecked him again. This time he cupped her other cheek too, resting his forehead against hers.

"You own me." He whispered once before tilting her head up and kissing her.

His tongue slipped past her lips, finding hers and sighing softly. Before her mind let his words infiltrate, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. In response, he lifted her into his lap, twisting in the chair to have his back rest against the table.

She didn't want to own anybody, the weight of that responsibility was too much for her shoulders. She also knew that his words came with their own expectations. He wanted to own her too. And that was something she couldn't let happen.

He pulled away from her lips, eyes squeezed shut. "I will always be yours." He whispered, kissing her forehead. She tried not to listen to him, she tried to kiss him again. But his hands were on her cheeks, holding her head against his.

"Johnny." His voice was a whimper, "Please." She didn't know what she was asking from him, but the plea in her voice was palpable.

"Just lie to me, (Y/N). Say you're mine." He kissed her eyes tenderly. She felt the lump in her chest grow again. She knew she should give in to it, it would make things easier. But the lump held her tongue.

"I–" She paused as his thumb caressed her neck and made her gasp, "I can't." She breathed out the truth, the taste of it sour against her tongue. But she couldn't do it, she could give him hope, but lying about something he was so intent about felt like a sin worse than the one she was already engaged in. "Don't make me say it till I mean it." She said instead, the words feeling like an appropriate compromise.

Johnny sat back, her hand falling from his neck and down his chest. His already unreadable eyes were darker than before, watching her like he was looking for even the smallest hint of what he needed. She was sure that all he could see in her eyes at the moment was pain.

What he would make of it was his responsibility.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He asked once, voice curt. She shook her head quickly, not willing to repeat her mistake. His eyes softened just a little; from relief, she noted. "Do you want to come to bed? With me?" He rubbed his hands against his thighs before clenching them into fists. Something about seeing him nervous made some of her reservations soften.

You can do this, she told herself. He won't hurt you.

She reached out and took one of his hands in hers, his tigh fists immediately opening up to wrap around her finger gently, "Let's go to bed, Johnny." She brushed her thumb against his palm. They slid off the chairs together, silent contemplation settling on them again.

Anger

His hand was warm in hers, the feeling almost uncomfortable in the wet heat of the rainy evening. Once they came into his room, he walked towards the french doors that led to the attached balcony to close them.

"Keep it open." She told him, focusing on the sound of the rain.

He did what she asked, turning around to walk back to her in the darkness of the moonless night. With a gentle hand on her chin, he lifted her head to meet her in a kiss that was intended to sear.

He pushed her face back to speak, "Do you remember how it felt? Do you remember how I felt?" He bit down on her bottom lip harsher than she expected, making her wince. She gave him a brisk nod.

It was the truth. While she didn't think about him as much as she used to the first few years after, she still remembered him. Theirs was a blazing and tender love that grew into understanding every part of the other's body. It's what plagued her at one point, the memory of the good things overshadowing all her reasons for leaving him. Till she felt unjustified in what she did.

It was how she was being made to feel now, she realised.

She surrendered to it, telling herself it was earned. She would never let anyone know her as he did ever again, it wasn't something she could deal with. But she could let Johnny use what he knew against her like he was now. It was another punishment she chose to inflict on herself.

"Should I remind you just to be sure?" He moved her chin out of the way to kiss her throat.

"Yes." She breathed out.

He hummed, licking up her already sticky neck. "You still taste the same." He hummed again, pushing his hips against hers till she stumbled a few steps away from the bed.

He bit down on her shoulder as her back touched his wood dresser, making her groan. He wrapped his arms under her hips and lifted her to the top of the object, lips continuing down her chest as he marked every other inch.

He was more reserved than she remembered. Johnny had always been vocal in both voice and body language when it came to his needs. Right now the only sound that hit her ears was her own short gasps and the soft pop of his lips as he released another part of skin after bruising it. His hands stayed stationary on her hips, thumb caressing her waist in sensual movements but not straying from its spot.

It made a small flash of indignation shoot through her before she stomped it down as quickly as it came. Not only did she know what he was doing, but she also had to remind herself that it was exponentially easier this way. This way she could get out with the least amount of scars.

And a few thousand blooming bruises.

She squirmed nonetheless, a frustrated gasp leaving her lips. She still needed something. At the very least she needed this to end.

"Johnny." She whined, head falling back. She already loathed herself for the next words, "Don't you want to touch me?"

"I am touching you." His mumble tickled the skin at the edge of her cleavage. He licked the skin like he was proving his point.

"Then do it like you want to touch me." She licked her lips when his fingers slid into her t-shirt. She braced herself for her next words, knowing that she was back to being the person who would yield everything he was against him. The person who always used his biggest weakness like a weapon.

"Touch me like I own you." She whined when he pinched her nipple impossibly hard at the words.

"You're so fucking cruel." He rolled the sensitive bud between his fingers, twisting it with intention. "Fine. Have all of me, (Y/N). Every little part." He took a soft breath, "I dare you to accept it." He twisted her nipple in the other direction. At the same time, he lifted her hips, pulling her shorts off with a swift tug.

A single finger slid up her clothed core. Johnny hummed again when she squirmed in his touch, raising his eyes to watch it from behind his still wet hair.

(Y/N)’s eyes screwed shut as she writhed around against the pad of his index finger. Johnny put his other hand on her stomach, making her flutter her eyes open. He pressed her down on the surface as he pulled her panties off.

His eyes locked in her gaze, "Stay still, I want to make sure your cunt still feels like heaven." Her jaw fell open when he plunged two fingers into her. "Do you remember our safe word?" He questioned as he pumped his fingers inside her. She nodded, eyes drifting to his tattoo.

He kissed her jaw, tender brushes of his soft lips combined with the slow pumps of his fingers made her sit back further onto the dresser. She forced her eyes open, knowing the look on his face. He watched her tentatively, waiting.

Her head hit the edge of the picture on the wall, the raised frame digging into the back of her neck. "And?” She blinked. He raised a brow, wanting more. "How does it feel?" She huffed out as he rolled his fingers inside her.

"I can't decide yet." He hummed, pulling his fingers out slowly.

She nodded, eyes fluttering shut. "Okay."

"We'll try till I'm sure." He pushed his fingers in with a quick snap, "Hmm?" He put his other hand on her cheek, thumb brushing against her chin.

She stared at him for a moment, wondering what he was implying. She nodded anyway because it was all there was to do. He brushed his thumb against her clit, pressing down with gentle pressure. Her leg twitched, making his eyes light up with eager delight. Slowly, he rolled his thumb, pulling his fingers out and slowly pushing it back in till her skin felt much hotter.

"Shit." She gasped when his finger brushed against the right spot inside her. Finally, she reached over to grab him. His hand went to her waist, pulling her closer to the edge. She put her forehead against his shoulder, his other hand pulling his fingers slowly out of her entirely. A whine left her lips at the loss.

He chuckled, using his fingers to focus on her clit. She gripped his t-shirt tight at that, back arching towards his chest. Johnny used his other hand to run his fingers through her hair, kissing her forehead with more tenderness than she was prepared for.

Slowly, Johnny sank to his knees, putting one of her legs on his shoulder. "How many people have eaten you out since me?" He kissed her thigh with a soft peck, brushing his lips against the skin with his eyes closed.

"Enough." She answered, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at the implied ownership in his words.

He bit down on her skin harshly, sucking it into his lips and leaving another mark. She winced, slapping his back in retribution. When he licked the aggrieved skin carefully she whined again, fingers tightening around his shoulder.

"And how many were as good as me?" He pecked the red skin a few times in a silent apology to soothe the sting.

A few. That was the truth.

"How about you remind me?" She said instead. He kissed up her thigh; stopping once to leave another mark, less painful this time.

He looked up at her dropping eyes, giving her a nod. "Alright." He brushed his nose against her slit, making her gasp in a breath. "Try not to make it too easy for me." He pressed his lips against her core, giving it a kiss.

Johnny pulled away to her surprise, letting her waist go to replace his mouth with his hands. He used one hand to part her folds, looking down between them. When he looked up at her face, a short smile lifted his lips when he found her eyes already on him. He ran his thumb between her folds, spreading her growing arousal. Her tortured breath trembled out and Johnny groaned at the sound, raising his other hand to cup her heat.

Before she knew what happened, he slapped her clit. She gasped in surprise, eyes opening while her legs shook shut from the sudden pleasure. It made him use his elbow to keep them open, shaking his head once in warning. He looked up at her, holding her gaze steady. He gave her a single nod as a warning before slapping it again. She moaned loudly, head falling back and eyes fluttering shut.

“Don’t look away.” He ordered, landing another smack, loud and wet. She yelped at the added force this time, legs twitching. She pushed her head forward to look at him, pushing her hair back to let him see her face.

He parted her legs further, bringing his mouth back down to her. Her hand slapped on the table, pressing down to centre her shaking body. When she squirmed at the contact of his tongue, he was quick to hold her legs down again, humming his disapproval close to her.

The moment he licked up her folds, both her legs lifted to his shoulders, wrapping around his head in desperation. He grabbed one leg, holding it firmly in his arm.

Johnny licked slow gentle circles around her clit, making her hips jerk into his face. She shoved her t-shirt up, hand fisting her own breast to keep it from grabbing his head too hard.

He groaned against her clit, lifting his head away from her clit. "You know I hate it when you squirm." He scolded, licking his glistening lips.

"I can't help it." She swallowed, sitting up straight. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to ground herself in the present.

“You can try.” He teased the tip of his tongue over her folds. She nodded, flexing the muscles in her legs tighter. He must have felt it under his palms because he hummed with approval, diving back into her clit.

Her hand went into his head, pulling his hair. He groaned at the harsh tug, one hand reaching to put over hers. He turned his head up to her, the single squeeze against her hand telling her to open her eyes and look at him. She did, forcing her eyes open to look at him with laboured breaths. He licked up her slit visibly, the sight making her moan incredibly loud. Pleased, Johnny slipped a finger into her and rubbed it against her walls in precise circles till she groaned.

He sat back on his heels with his eyes fixated on his finger being engorged by her clenched hole eagerly. “Feel good?” He looked up to her for affirmation, earning a brisk nod that diffused into a whine as he sucked her clit into his mouth and released it with a soft pop of his lips. “How good?” He swallowed thickly, increasing the pace of his finger.

“I–um,” She licked her dry lips, searching for words to articulate herself. Her forehead creased when he entered another finger into her too fast, the sting of the initial resistance making her jerk away from his touch reflexively.

He pressed down on her stomach to pin her in place as he removed his fingers. Licking his fingers precisely, Johnny didn’t move his eyes from her before shoving his fingers into her again. She groaned, infected from the realisation of how Johnny didn’t need words to know what her body felt.

Her back arched off the frame on the wall, leaning towards him, “So good.” She groaned, “Like heaven.”

Both her hands went into his hair when his lips returned to her clit, her breath knocking out of her from the quick working of his fingers. He parted them wide inside her and she was compelled to squeeze her eyes shut, back arching till she faced the ceiling.

She saw spots behind her eyelids, the humid night making beads of sweat drip down her forehead. As his fingers built momentum, her legs began to quiver. Closing her legs around his head, every muscle in her body went taut as she felt herself slowly build towards her release.

He slapped her inner thigh, the sting making her whimper. She turned to look at him just as he pulled away from her. She stared at him, unbelievably stunned.

"Not yet." He snapped his gaze to hers, "You don’t come till I let you." He warned. She nodded, the pout on her lips involuntary. Her clit throbbed mercilessly as he stood up, leaving her wound tight and hanging dry.

He looked her in the eyes, standing up straight till she had to look up. He gave her a single nod, slapping her clit with a loud smack.

She yelped, the shrill sound cutting through the silence of the night in a jarring frequency. She gave him a look that pleaded for mercy.

For a moment his eyes softened, taking a step closer to her. He pulled his t-shirt off, throwing it across the room. She looked towards the balcony where the t-shirt slid to, the night too dark to see anything beyond the railing. He kissed her forehead, the touch gentle. She turned back as he kissed her temples.

“Don’t be cute.” He warned with a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’m trying to fuck all of my anger out.” He admitted with an ease that unsettled her.

“That’s going to be a hard fuck.” She whispered, too tired to speak any louder.

Johnny paused as he kissed her face, chuckling humourlessly against her jaw. “Here’s hoping, honey.” Her chest caved at the ancient nickname, a word she hadn’t heard in years.

He kissed down her neck with touches that were suddenly more light-hearted. Sliding both his hands into her t-shirt, he gave her a careful look. “I’m going to take this off okay?” He mumbled into her ear, kissing the base after. Only when she nodded did he slip the garment off, the consideration leaving more impact on her than was probably intended. He put it beside her on the dresser as his eyes drifted down to her body.

“You have breasts now.” His eyes drifted back to her. When she frowned he smirked. She gasped in offence once she registered his words, hitting his shoulder.

Johnny laughed a little louder, “You were the one who said that!” He defended with a humorous glint in his eyes, “I never had a problem with them.” He raised his arms in surrender.

She hit his chest, “People are allowed to have their insecurities growing up. You hated your gangly arms!” She reminded him.

“So you did think they were gangly?” He mock gasped with a tender laugh as he leaned forward to brush his lips against her shoulders.

“Yeah. I had midi breasts and you had gangly arms.” She lifted her head to give him easier access, “I didn’t care.” She huffed. He hummed against her throat, kissing softly across the expanse of her neck and shoulder.

She bit her lip, “They’re not fake or anything.” She squeezed her eyes closed from embarrassment when he pulled away, “Just saying.” She added.

“I didn’t say they were.” He tapped a finger on her cheek twice and she opened her eyes immediately. He quirked a brow, “They’re still the same shape they used to be.” He smirked. The loud smack she landed on his back was earned for bringing up something she used to say with remorse but he just sniggered.

“That was a mean thing to say!” She groaned, “Don’t talk about that.” Her face felt hot and looking down to get away from his amused face only made her look at her own breasts. She felt flustered from the memory of her younger self, always so good at hating herself.

“Again,” He laughed, bending lower. “I think they’re great.” He leaned to kiss one of her nipples. “I think you're beautiful.” He looked up at her as he took the nipple into his mouth completely, taking the other between his fingers.

"God." She huffed at the sight, leaning over to rest her forehead against the top of his head. His other hand slid down her stomach slowly, stopping to draw slow, light circles around her belly button.

Her skin prickled with goosebumps and her stomach clenched tight at the touch. She let out a rushed breath, winded by the gesture. It was, on hand, maybe natural to remember small details like this: where to touch to get the desired result and how exactly to do it. It should have maybe at least been a given assumption to make with Johnny, the one whose actions always spoke more than his words.

Yet, on the other hand, it was still such an alienating feeling to be so very exposed in front of someone when it was all she needed to avoid.

Being void of clothes was a physical decision, bodies were universal and had little to reveal at a glance. But time and knowing each other at a point in life where all one could do was discover, Johnny knew the things about her body that made it uniquely hers. He knew the corners of her skin that he could dig his fingers into. He equally knew the parts of her head his words would do the same.

In front of him, she would forever feel truly naked.

He planted a kiss in between her breasts, shifting his head to look up at her. With her gaze obscured partially from his hair, she gave him a smile. It was clipped but dazed enough that he returned it. He reached up to brush his lips against her chin, both their faces moving together till he stood up straight. He licked her lower lip, eyes growing darker when they quivered at the touch. His lips pressed against hers as he pushed his pants down.

When his cock rubbed against her thigh she pushed him back, "Please tell me you have condoms?" She took the chance to catch a breath.

At first, he gave her a look like she spoke in a foreign language, eyes squinting in confusion. Then he nodded, turning to walk towards his bedside drawer. He kneeled down, opening the bottom shelf and taking something out. Her eyes traced down his back, ribbons of muscles weaved through it.

She shouldn't look, she told herself when her eyes went lower. He sat up quickly, agile grace in his movement, turning around to face her with a foil packet in his hand.

"I hope you enjoyed that." He tilted his head towards the drawer. "I wanted you to." His eyes lit up with traces of humour.

"Sure." She mumbled, looking away from him. "I tried not to look."

"Honesty is a sin on you." He came and stood in front of her, placing the packet down on the side. "Sometimes I wished you'd just lie once in a while." He brushed his fingers against her lips.

A ruthless flash shot up her chest, making her take a deep breath. She tried to swallow the pain, looking away from him.

"Why did you keep it there?" She looked at the foil packet on the dresser beside her. His lips dipped into her neck, making her head fall back instinctually. She sat back like she was bracing herself but it became futile when he pulled her closer with a quick tug.

"Who says I need it yet?" He mumbled against her jaw, giving it a quick kiss. When his dick brushed against her folds first, she jumped. This close to the edge, she almost slipped off the dresser. He grabbed her legs, making her sit back on the wooden top while spreading them, wrapping her thighs around his waist.

"Sorry." He kissed her forehead, her heart fluttering at the intimate gesture.

The second time he rubbed his dick against her, it was against her clit. Her hand reached out to his neck and she gasped into his ears.

"You're so wet, (Y/N)." He huffed into her hair. "You're dripping." His hips twitched. Her chest bloomed with momentary pride at eliciting the physical reaction, only adding to the guilt that came the next moment.

The third time he did it, all she felt was shame.

Slowly, Johnny kept rubbing himself against her folds till she was shivering. When he used the tip to rub circles against her clit, her hand reached out to grab the wrist of the hand wrapped around his own shaft. He did it again, his eyes on hers this time as she bit down on her lip harshly. Her eyes threatened to squeeze shut, fluttering liberally.

He leaned towards her, giving her cheek a soft kiss. With a frigid gaze, he pushed his tip inside her, the ghost of a few inches. She grabbed his back, squeezing it.

"Johnny." She breathed out, sitting up with alarm.

"Trust me." He mumbled against her neck. "You can trust me." He kissed the skin behind her neck— where it always made her shiver. She took a slow, resentful inhale. Letting it dissolve into her racing veins. She gave him a nod, brisk and dispassionate.

There was nothing else to do.

Johnny kissed up her jaw, shifting back till their eyes met. She didn't know where to look, resigning to looking at his eyes as she was told.

"Do you trust me?" He questioned, voice so meek that it was almost vulnerable.

"Yes." It was deceptively easy to answer the question. She had known years when she looked into the very same eyes and promised the same. It was like an old habit.

As she anticipated, he smiled. Satisfied by the answer, he rubbed his dick against her clit again. This time she closed her eyes out of her resentment, clutching his neck and lowering her head till it hit his shoulder.

"Please." She breathed out, not sure what her plea was even for. Johnny hummed in response like he knew, voice distracted. Before she could open her eyes to look at him, he stroked his length against her clit again. Her hips bucked and her hand clutched his shoulder tighter in response.

When she clenched her thighs too tight, he stopped. When Johnny tapped the very tip of his dick against her clit, he earned her loudest moan. She could feel her arousal drop down onto the polished wood, every inch of her skin also moist in the tropical air. Slowly she sat back, lifting her heavy head to look at him.

She couldn't think. All her mind did was process the sensation of each nerve in her body, pleading for either a release or an end to the slow torture.

With a slow deep breath, she focused on steadying her mind enough to consider his disposition before she said her next word. He was kissing down her neck again, leaving more patches sore and bright red. She sighed as softly as she could manage.

"Johnny." The whine left her lips almost naturally, out of habit. He lifted his head up to look at her, his other hand coming up to brush against her nipples. Her exhale stuttered audibly.

"I'm not teasing." He responded to her unspoken grievance, "We just started, you already want to come?" He questioned, pinching down on her nipple. Her back arched into his touch. He took a step closer, his cock sliding up and rubbing against her clit again.

She mewled loudly, her nerves crisp with tension. "Please Johnny." The last syllable rolled off her slowly pouting lips. "I can come again." She breathed, daring to roll her hips against his length. She wasn't surprised when he grabbed her waist harshly, fingers digging into her skin and undoubtedly leaving another mark.

His eyes zoned in on her with the precision of a carefully spun net. "Is that a promise?" He mumbled, rubbing the vein under his shaft against her with long drags in an attempt to coax out his desired response.

"Yes." She gave in, dropping her head and mewling again. He pulled away and for a moment she thought she'd go delirious with the mix of arousal and liquid rage coursing through her veins. He straightened his back, needing to look down at her. It made her have to crane her neck back till it hurt.

He brushed his lips against hers. "Okay." He mumbled, giving her a nod.

He was close to her. So close that she gave in and reached her hand up to his face. When her fingers touched his cheeks, it was a mere light brush. Yet, for a fleeting moment, she saw the distant look in his eyes melt. Then he squeezed his eyes shut, tilting his head closer to her touch. She opened her hand, more skin meeting his. She brushed the edge of her nail under his lower lip, admiring the shape.

"You're such a beautiful man, Johnny." Her words were a timid whisper, slipping out without meaning to. Her eyes hesitated to move away from his lips— one of the rare things in life that was perfect.

His fingers squeezed her waist again at the words. "Inside and out." She added and moved her eyes up, staring at him with shimmering eyes, "What happened?" Pain brushed against the corners of her eyes.

He pulled back too quickly, the cool indifference seeping back into his gaze. "I lost everything that mattered." He gave her a tight smile. "Let's not do this right now." It wasn't a suggestion. He brushed a chaste kiss against her forehead, lifting her away from the dresser. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist.

Johnny laid his palm flat on her back and peered over her shoulders, "You've definitely stained my rosewood dresser." He said with a hum.

"It wasn't my idea to put me on it." She responded, voice soft and explicitly sullen.

He hummed again, walking close enough to drop her on the bed abruptly. She yelped from shock, her back slowly sinking into the incredibly soft mattress.

"You're right," Johnny mumbled, a corner of his mouth twitching with arrogant pride. "It's my fault that you're dripping all over like you're in heat." He stepped into the space between her thighs, holding them down as she tried to pull them up. He gave her a look that reminded her that she knew better and she conceded, dropping the weight of her legs into his palms. As a reward, he pulled her till she was at the edge of the bed, sitting down on his knees between them.

Johnny kissed up her thighs, stopping a few inches before finishing the journey. "I missed this mole of yours." He kissed the skin where it was, "They're just for me to appreciate." He circled his tongue slowly, humming against her skin. "There's no one whose body I ever want to know like I know yours." She winced when he dug his teeth into the sensitive flesh.

Her eyes stayed on the ceiling fan above her, the hypnotizing movement lulling her mind deeper into its own crevices. When she first felt the cold tip of his nose slide over her clit, she whimpered from the sensation on the now raw skin. When he ran his warm tongue over her swollen folds, her eyes squeezed shut and her fingers carded through his hair. Her stomach clenched tight almost immediately, her body already climbing towards a release.

“Please don’t stop.” Her mewl was almost panicked. She pressed his head down closer towards herself while grinding her hips up, moaning from her own efforts. He stopped moving his tongue, pressing it flat against her clit instead. The sound of protest that left her lips was loud but weak. “Please.” She licked her lips, throwing her head back as it started swarming with growing need. Her hips rolled against his tongue with obscene insistence, her mind surrendering to her body's more pressing demands. “Johnny please.” She whined again, not sure what she was begging for anymore.

When he licked against her clit again, she remembered. This time she sunk her hip into the mattress with realisation, lifting her leg to dig her heel into his back— all in an effort to stay still and give into his silent demand. Again, he rewarded the effort, tongue sliding into her now throbbing entrance.

“Johnny.” She choked on her own whimper when he pushed a finger into her. “Oh.” She groaned, eyes rolling to the back of her head, “Just like that.” She gasped, forehead creasing in concentration. “Don’t stop, darling please.” The old endearment slipped off her tongue, making her chest tighten, to her surprise. Another flash of panic coursed through her at that, seizing her throat and momentarily taking her out of her own head and back into dread.

Her heart was suddenly heavier, pressing down on her lungs and making her gasp for air. Johnny stopped when her muscles relaxed, seemingly no longer chasing her high. Before he could look up, she grabbed his hair and buried him against her. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensation again, shoving any other thought out with urgency.

An unwelcome image danced behind her eyelid, one of the rare whimsical memories from years ago that had lately started tarnishing in her mind like rusting metal. That's when she forced her mind to come back to her completely, reigning it back from the dangerous hypotheticals it played with.

In a desperate attempt at self-preservation, her mind grappled at any other thought than the suddenly stifling presence of the man sitting between her legs.

"Why did you stop?" She whined with her best act of indignation, making it sound like his fault. When Johnny groaned against her heat, she felt her arousal build back up again. Her back arched off the bed, eyes rolling to the back of her head.

"Ja–" She stopped before she let the rogue word leave her lips, heart threatening to jump out her throat. "Johnny." She added quickly, too afraid that he'd realise the error if she didn't. She clamped down on her tongue, heart only picking up as he pushed away from her core.

There was no way he could have known, she told herself. She hadn't uttered much over the first syllable and Johnny didn't know who he was. There was no way.

"I thought you wanted to come?" Johnny spoke, wiping his chin on the back of his hand and straightening his back till his head was in her line of sight.

Their eyes met. Another sick flicker of heat made her lower body twitch at the sight of his swollen and glistening lips. She realised then that this could only end in ruin.

He slipped a finger into her with ease, the sound of his digit rubbing against her wet walls making him growl. His finger rubbed against her g-spot almost immediately with impressive certainty— situated a little off centre to the left. Her back arched off the mattress and this time he used his free hand to grab her arm, pulling her up to him.

"Feel good?" He questioned, rolling his finger over the rough skin inside her. (Y/N)'s head fell back, giving him a groggy nod. Johnny chuckled, brushing his lips over her throat. He rubbed the pad of his finger over the spot again, "Remember the winter we found your g-spot together? On vacation?" He hummed softly against her jaw as he kept rubbing against it.

She mewled at the memory, rolling her head back towards the front to nod at him again. "In New Zealand." She recalled, trying her best to remain engaged with him. His jaw clenched and she wondered what she did, too aroused to panic.

He put another finger in, her moans sounding dazed by now. With intention, he began moving his fingers side to side, slowly increasing his pace till his fingers squelched inside her rapidly. Her back arched and this time Johnny put a hand on her back to keep her against him. She parted her lips, resting against his temples.

"Come for me, (Y/N). I've spent too many sleepless nights thinking about this." He increased his pace again, the crazed oscillations making her see spots in her vision, "I thought about it so much that now I don't know which parts are memories and which are fantasy." Her eyes fluttered open as she moved her head, finding his eyes boring into her face with a tortured frown on his features. "I need you to come for me." He pressed his fingers against her g-spot again, making her buckle over into his chest.

Her nails dug into the base of his neck as her orgasm washed over her in multiple waves till her body was twitching repeatedly. She whimpered his name on repeat for what felt like hours, her chest constricting more with each utterance.

Slowly she came down from her high, relaxing into his chest. She pictured herself dissolving into him completely, sinking in till her existence faded. It made her unbelievably angry that despite everything, Johnny still felt like home.

"It was Kenya." His voice sounded after a bout of silence. The edge in his tone made her lean back to meet his face, a confused frown growing when she met the rolling anger he was trying his best to suppress in his eyes. "We went to New Zealand the year I graduated from High School. With our parents" He clarified, forehead furrowing.

"Oh." Her voice was impassive, having answered thoughtlessly. As soon as it left her lips, the tightening of his jaw reminded her of the error of her dismissal. (Y/N) didn't care for ceremonial displays of affection like remembering minute details. Affection was expressed with reckless audacity by her. But ceremony and subtlety were how Johnny chose to show his love. The problem was that neither of them understood the other's preferred language wholly.

The silence that fell visibly riled him up more. "New Zealand was the same year as the skiing trip." His frown deepened and the source of his displeasure finally sunk in.

Her lips parted, "Johnny, I–" He didn't let her finish, grabbing her waist and flipping her over with aggressive precision.

"It doesn't matter." He mumbled with no intention of sounding convincing. She heard him retreat a few steps before the sound of a foil packet ripping made her stomach clench. He slapped the inside of her thigh harshly. "Spread your legs." His voice lost its previous warmth, making her shiver.

She felt the bed dip close to her knees, a single finger sliding up her spine till she shivered. She shuffled in her uncomfortable position to see him. Before she could turn her head, he grabbed the back of her neck.

"Don't misbehave." He warned, squeezing his fingers against the back of her throat. "I'm trying to be good to you." His voice was grave.

His thigh brushed against hers, making her take a trembling breath in an effort to brace herself. He let her neck go, pressing his palm flat against her back instead. For a moment, the only sounds between them were of their joint erratic breathing and the rain. Sweat dripped down her neck.

For a moment nothing happened.

Then she felt his tip slide against her folds, her body instinctively pressing back against him, her breathing rising. Instead of embracing the gesture for the plea it was, Johnny pressed down on her back, pressing her face further into the pillow and pinning her in place.

"What did I just say?" His empty voice was an almost convincing mask of genuine anger. "Hmm?" He pressed his tip against her clit. She groaned into the pillow.

She could hear the grit of his teeth in his hum as she slowly pushed her head off the pillow just enough to rest her forehead on it. "You told me not to misbehave." She breathed out the words with laboured breath.

Johnny hummed again, "And what did you do?" He pressed his tip against her entrance, turning it in circles till she moaned.

"I'm sorry." She whined, spreading her legs wider in an effort to still their shaking.

"What did you do, (Y/N)?" He repeated with half as much patience as before, removing his tip and rubbing it over her clit in slow circles.

"I misbehaved." She cried out, eyes squeezing shut as her body struggled between the pain of her muscles and the pleasure she still desperately sought. "Johnny, darling please–" She tried the word again, every part of her edging on desperation. Again, where she expected him to give in, he did something that left her feeling out of depth.

He shushed her with a chastising click of his tongue, "Don't play with me. We're not kids anymore." He slapped her clit, the sound harsher than the impact. Her legs gave in, shaking dangerously and making her raised hips fall into the bed.

He circled his arms around her waist, lifting it back up in the air. She kept dead still, her rushed breathing the only sign of her presence. He entered her too slowly, a moan ripping out her lips as she first felt how wet she really was. With a quick jerk, he settled inside her. She clenched against him furiously, whimpering at the feeling.

"Stop." His voice stuttered.

"Move." She groaned, hoping that it sounded more needy than harsh.

Almost as slowly as before, he pulled out of her. This time his breath turned heavy, low grunts sounding from him when she clenched again. His tip reached her opening, slowly he ran it in circles before pushing back into her with a clean thrust. She yelled into the pillow, her muscles going rigid in search of pleasure.

By the time his pace quickened, she was finding it hard to keep still any longer. Her pillow was wet with her own drool, making her feel dirty. She grimaced, reaching her hand back to hold him. The urge came almost naturally, she didn't even realise she was doing it till he slapped her hand away.

"Keep your hands down. You don't get to touch me." His hips stilled inside her, a whimper leaving her lips.

This was good, she realised. Facing away from him, his hands still on her waist and no words. It worked because she could just close her eyes and not think about this. It should have made it easier.

But she found herself swallowing a lump in her throat at his refusal, nodding weakly into the pillow. He started moving again and she grabbed onto the pillow against her face, fisting it so tight that for a second she wondered if it would tear. He buried inside her over and over again, so fast that the bed began moving with his movements. Her face burned from the heat of her breath warming the damp pillow.

It all felt too overwhelming till the wind dropped. The fan finally blew on her sweating back, cooling it and making goosebumps rise. The sudden cold reminded her of Jaehyun, her hand fisting the pillow closer to her face.

She could picture his eyes when they looked at her with an intensity that looked more intimate than she could reiterate; his careful, unimposing touches; the silent way he would always care. She thought about his hands, touches always deliberated but full of intention. She thought about Jaehyun's smile.

"Please." She tried to fight it, but at this stage, she didn't think she could tell what was right or wrong anymore.

"What did you say?" Johnny's tone sounded accusatory, like she shouldn't have spoken at all.

She moved her head to the side, "I'm going to come." Her voice was hoarse. He rocked his hips against her at the words, like he was giving her permission.

She was sure that she had blacked out the moment the distinct waves of her orgasm coursed through her veins, coming to only when she felt the spreading warmth of his release.

“You’ve turned me into such a hateful man.” Johnny groaned, tumbling over almost instantly. She realised with a delay that he finished as he stilled inside her. She fought the ache in her legs to stay up while he remained inside unmoving as his length softened.

After a few moments she felt his forehead against her shoulder and the next sound she heard was her own sob. Burying her face harder into the pillow was futile when he was this close and she felt him flip her over and pull out all at once. When another sob racked her chest, it was from the sight of the concern that marred the features that were, till now, frigid.

“What’s wrong?” He mumbled as he cupped her face, “Are you hurt?” His hands and eyes traced over her in a panicked search. She shook her head rapidly, tears pooling under her vision.

She felt like a porcelain object that was stuffed into a bag and bashed against a wall repeatedly. Every part that made her up seemed to be there, but the very shape became irreconcilable.

“Hey?” His voice was tender, his dark eyes turning honey brown as he tried to wipe the onslaught of tears off her face. She lifted off the bed and buried her face in his chest, shaking with the effects of the now painful sobs.

Johnny put both his hands on her back to hold her limp body against his as she cried with agonising sorrow.

“I’m sorry.” She spoke after several moments, “I’m so sorry.” She squeezed her arms around his neck, trying to focus on nothing more than his familiar skin and comfortable warmth. “I’m so very sorry. I'm–" She gasped, back convulsing with more clenching sobs.

“Stop crying, (Y/N). Please..” He ran a soothing hand through his hair, “It’s okay, I know you are. I know.” He ran his other hand up and down her spine. “I know you. You don’t need to say anything. We were always going to end up back here.” He kissed her cheek and then her spine, his words only making fresh tears spill from her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated herself, throat constricting as she tried to gasp for air.

Johnny pulled her back, cupping her cheeks in both hands. “Hey, look at me.” He urged her, “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I see you, (Y/N). I’ve always seen you. I know. You don’t need to keep saying it. Just please stop crying, you're breaking my heart. Please.” He dragged his nails through her scalp, knowing that it would calm her down. “You’re safe with me. You’ve always been safe with me.” He kissed her forehead and then the tip of her nose, her shallow breaths making him avoid her lips.

“I love you.” He mumbled against her cheek, a few more tears slipping through her squeezed eyelids. “I’m here now, it’s fine. You’re safe now. We're together.”

When her sobbing continued, Johnny did the only thing he had always done to calm her down. Slowly he pushed her back into bed, kissing across her cheek till she tilted her head to catch his lips with hers. He kissed her slow and deep, like she was fragile. With the same disposition, he entered her again.

When she whimpered against his lips, he shushed her gently. Like he was trying to pacify a scared animal.

“Let me take care of you.” He whispered as he rocked into her slowly, “Let me show you how much I missed you, how much I love you.” He pecked her lips slowly and repeatedly with a slow pace. She cried the entire time.

Through his slow, deep thrusts, her mind became distracted enough to stop the harsh breathing. Her arms wrapped around his neck, making his head fall into her shoulder where he left careful and loving kisses.

"Johnny." She whined through her tears, "I'm so close."

"Don't leave me again." He mumbled against her ear, aiming his thrusts precisely to make her fall over her edge.

As her orgasm hit, her mind slipped somewhere deep. She heard ringing in her eyes and no thoughts at all. If she didn't continue feeling his cock moving inside her, (Y/N) would have believed she'd passed out.

She didn't know how long it took him before he reached his high, her body limp under him as her eyes drifted between being shut and staring at the ceiling fan. She moved her neck to give him space to kiss and she felt herself being pushed into the mattress from his weight. But these sensations passed through her mind without any thought. She finally achieved what she wanted, her mind was no longer there.

When she felt him get off her, she finally fluttered her eyes shut for good.

"I'm so tired." She mumbled, finally giving in to the need to lose consciousness.

[jaskiersvalley]

@chubbykatsudon allowed me to ramble on a little about reverse A/B/O when Omegas are the ones who rules society while Alphas are locked away because they're too dangerous, too violent to hold a responsible role in life. Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your inbox at all times. <3

As the first Omega child of Lettenhove's ruling family, there were expectations on Jaskier. He would wed another Omega of equal rank and, together, they would find an Alpha that was already broken in and as tame as their money could buy. Lettenhove came with some reinforced rooms fot to hold an Alpha. Allegedly Jaskier's sire had been one of the more gentle Alphas, content to sate heats and never asking for more than given.

Naturally, Jaskier had to defy all expectations and he hit the road like some common Beta. Even worse, he found himself not just an Alpha, but a whole pack of them. To make matters even more humiliating, they were Witchers. Sterile, useless Alphas who were not good for anything other than throwing at brutish monsters that terrorised the good folks of the Continent. Despite predictions, gossip and even ill-wishers, Jaskier had never been happier. He gladly gave his status and name to any Alpha Witcher who needed it. Even offered his collar to make their travels easier as he couldn't be beside them all at the same time. Though Jaskier never wanted to play favourites, he most often travelled with his first Alpha, Geralt. He was always so gentle when Jaskier's heat came, reverent at being allowed to help when he'd been raised to believe that no Omega would even look at him with anything but disdain.

There was a contract near a village, the description was rather hit and miss, leaving Geralt unable to determine just what kind of creature they were dealing with. All they knew what that it stole livestock, broke into houses and scared a Beta maid almost lifeless. She had sworn up and down that, whatever it was, it was large, black, stinking worse than anything she'd encountered before and shrieked at being seen before fleeing. It left Geralt stumped but he dutifully set out to track the creature. Thrilled at the prospect of a new creature giving inspiration for new ballads, Jaskier tagged along.

"Could it be a demon? Or an imp?" He asked, trailing after Geralt with a skip in his step. "Or maybe a cursed creature? Just imagine! You could break the curse and it would make for such a romantic ditty!"

"Hush!" Geralt growled and Jaskier giggled. He'd never found the growls of his Alphas to be intimidating and time did nothing to change his view. However, he did fall silent, scenting the air and finding it acrid with something he'd never really smelled before.

They emerged in a clearing, one that quite obviously was home to something. There was a paltry shelter covered with a stolen sheet, a firepit and the remains of a goat. Jaskier couldn't help but be grateful that it wasn't Eskel with him on this particular contract.

"Hello?" Geralt called out, peering towards the shelter. What Jaskier didn't know what that he could hear the rapid heartbeat of someone in there, combined with the sour smell of fear. "We just want to talk."

It was quite obvious whoever had made a home there was the one responsible for the village's woes. Jaskier nodded towards the tent in question and Geralt nodded. Even mouthed "Alpha" at Jaskier, quite certain that whatever it was, it was or at least once had been, human.

"Can we help you?" Jaskier asked softly, moving towards the tent. He crouched down to peer in and, with no warning, a figure burst out, sending Jaskier sprawling before trying to dash past. Unfortunately Geralt was in the way and the man bounced off him, landing in an ungraceful heap on the ground.

Winded, Jaskier sat up and watched as the man cowered before Geralt. When he stood up it got so much worse and, three steps closer, Geralt actually stepped between Jaskier and the man, warning him off.

"You poor thing," Jaskier sighed. "We mean no harm."

Such words fell on deaf ears and each time Jaskier tried to approach, trying to calm the Alpha with his scent, it had to opposite effect. At least with Geralt the man was submissive, allowing himself to be pulled upright and scented even if he trembled so bad, Jaskier was scared he'd fall down.

"Nilfgaard," Gerlat declared. His eyes landed on the Alpha's neck and a growl built in his chest. A violent bonding bite had left the skin heavily scarred and where the collar had sat was rubbed raw. "Force bonded. Where's your Omega?"

It was unheard of for a bonded Alpha to be far from their Omega. Usually, if they were allowed out, it was on a leash in Nilfgaard.

"Dead."

Which explained a lot yet nothing at all. If an Alpha's bonded died, they usually died too. Or were put down because the loss of their bonded drove them beyond saving. Maybe Nilfgaard didn't want to get their hands dirty and deal with yet another body. Their bloody and violent war had left many behind already. It was much easier to cut an Alpha loose and let others deal with the consequences of a grief maddened Alpha in their midst.

"You're far from Nilfgaard."

"Even further from Vicovaro." At least the Alpha could speak beyond single words. "I don't want to go back."

Sensing it was an opportunity, Jaskier smiled and stepped closer, saying, "Then you don't have to. It's as easy as that."

All his good intentions were misread and the Alpha hunched his shoulders, head dipped as if expecting a strike to come. He didn't relax, muscles tight with terror.

"Jaskier, give him some space." Geralt easily slipped between them again, unable to figure out just why the Alpha was so petrified of an Omega. Then again, looking at his neck, Geralt didn't have to imagine. "You've been causing the villagers a lot of problems, you know that, right?"

A mute, shamed nod was his answer.

"I've been hired to take care of the problem." Submission had many forms and Geralt had seen them all over the course of his long life. He never wished for anyone to be so scared of him that they pissed themselves but there he was. The Alpha before him looked ready to fall down and bare his throat and belly, any kind of domination had been probably beaten out of him. It made Geralt's job that little bit harder. "I don't kill without sense. Will you let us help you?"

Jaskier couldn't hold back anymore, he walked closer. "Please, Alpha. Let us offer you what we can."

The Alpha went crashing to his knees as Jaskier got closer, head back and throat bared even if the whites of his eyes were showing in fear and breaths came in short, harsh puffs. Immediately Jaskier backed away, hands up. "We won't hurt you. I won't touch you without your permission."

His words didn't seem to make a difference and Geralt made shooing motions at Jaskier. "Go back to Roach. We'll follow shortly."

Pouting only a little, Jaskier turned, trusting Geralt to know what was best. The only kinds of Alphas Jaskier had encountered were ones that were touch starved and desperate for any scrap of attention and kindness. An Alpha who shied from an Omega's presence was a new challenge and one that Jaskier wanted to very badly to take on. His pack couldn't bond, healed too quick for any such bite to take. It would be no hardship to take an Alpha who had alrady been claimed and cast aside. Bonding, while a romanticised dream, wasn't the be all and end all of pack relationships.

Soon enough Geralt approached with the other Alpha a few steps behind him, nervously clutching at a bag.

"Omega, may I present Cahir for your polite inspection?" He turned to Cahir. "Cahir, I present my Omega, Jaskier. He won't approach without your say so."

Message received, Jaskier waved from where he stood and tried to send a reassuring smile. "Welcome, Cahir. My Alpha brings me the most delighful companions to meet. Share our travels and camp for as long as you find comfort in it." The paltry amount of belongings in the bag couldn't have been much more than a change of clothes, probably stolen from the washing lines. "What's ours is yours."

"Thank you, Omega."

The honorific was nothing more than a trembling whisper and Jaskier nodded. "Just Jaskier. We don't abide by the demands of society."

Clearing his throat, Geralt drew attention back to himself. "I was thinking to head to Kaer Morhen a little earlier this year. If the Pack so wills it, Cahir will join us for the season as a visitor."

Mind already racing ahead, Jaskier nodded. He could see Cahir benefitting from Eskel's gentle approach. And perhaps even Lambert's brutal honesty might help bring Cahir out of his shell a little. Grinning, he agreed readily. "A fine idea. It would be nice to welcome the rest of the Pack home this time. I like the idea of greeting them with the same affection and readiness they usually have for us."

There was no doubt about it, winter was going to be an interesting one.

[readyplayerhobi]

Jung Hoseok and the Magic to Happiness | 02

; Hufflepuff Teacher!Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, future angst, future smut

; Word Count: 6.5k

; Synopsis: An unexpected issue with your Ministry of Magic job leads to you taking the role of Transfiguration Professor at Hogwarts. It’s here that you meet your best friend’s younger brother for the first time in years, the Hufflepuff Head of House, Jung Hoseok. While you contend with seeing him once again, Hoseok tries to show you that he’s very much a man and no longer the gangly teenager you once knew.

; A/N: After almost three months of no writing...I finished this chapter :) I hope you enjoy...please leave me feedback in the form of comments or an ask. The long break has made me worry about a bit about whether people will even read my stuff anymore lol

Last Chapter ; Next Chapter

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The next two months pass by with only a few growing pains in terms of teaching. You’d discovered pretty quickly that a group of twenty students could easily turn into pure and utter chaos. Particularly when one of them accidentally turns another into a turnip.

That had not been the best first-week experience if you were being honest.

There had been a few minutes when you’d been convinced 

But you were certainly getting used to everything. It was odd being on the other side now, being the one who commanded attention from the students. You had an almost desperate need to be liked by them at first, but the other professors had quickly dissuaded you from that. They were not your friends, and you’d learnt that if you gave them an inch then they’d take a mile.

It had been pleasant though, and you were certainly enjoying everything. There was nothing better than the smile on a student’s face when they got a spell right, with the knowledge that you’d been the one to teach them that. 

The comments you’d been told on your first note about the house stereotypes had also proven to be true. You’d never seen so many Slytherin’s chatting happily with Gryffindor’s and so forth. Whole friendship groups were made up of varying houses and none appeared to be left out. Nor had you seen any house related bullying as there had been in your day.

Once typical insults of a Slytherin being home to a Death Eater had vanished for the most part. The one time you had seen it, hurled by a Hufflepuff of all things, had resulted in complete outrage amongst all the students. It had warmed your heart to see the younger generations working in far better harmony than yours or your previous generations ever had.

Chaeyoung had become the equivalent of your work best friend, bringing her marking over to your office and spending time chatting happily with you. Seokjin had also become a close friend or at least as close as someone could get in only two months. The two of them were fascinating, coming from vastly different lifestyles.

Her family were practically magical royalty in France, though she’d moved to the UK whilst only a child to live with her grandparents after the deaths of her parents. As such, she’d ended up attending Hogwarts and had been in the year below Hoseok. Despite her initial French upbringing, she had no hint of an accent though she’d spouted fluent French to you when you’d queried her language abilities.

She also spoke Spanish, which had led to her initially getting a job as a translator at a magical exporting company. It had amused you thoroughly that it had been based in Devon, along the southern coast of England with France just over the narrow Channel Sea. Chaeyoung had laughed at the time, acknowledging that the mild weather was much nicer than the temperamental mistress you had to contend with here in northern Scotland. 

It hadn’t proven to her liking though, and she’d soon ended up applying for the vacant History of Magic position. She’d been quick to explain that she’d taken up an extra qualification in her chosen area and that she wasn’t just randomly picked. You knew from Jisoo that muggles had a different way to education, but there were no real universities here in the wizarding world. 

Chaeyoung studied hard enough and was very knowledgeable about her chosen area, so you didn’t see too much issue regarding it. And she was a popular teacher, helping to turn a subject that many would often find dull into something fun and interesting.

Seokjin, on the other hand, was older than you. He was 36, with a wife of ten years and two young sons. He’d trained in astronomy in the Ministry and had brought his skills to Hogwarts three years ago. You’d ended up bonding together over your dual experiences in the Ministry; both lamenting over the different departments and positions you’d had yet the same bureaucratic headaches. 

He was a joyful sort with a smile always on his face for you and his students along with a genuine passion for the stars and the universe. You knew that he made it a goal to read much of what the muggles were doing, his fascination with the fact that they’d been to space bordering on an almost obsession.

It was no surprise to you that these have been the two that you had ended up so close with. Both had the experience of working outside of Hogwarts and that seemed to make you all different from the other professors. Everyone else had interned here immediately after finishing before taking on their chosen role.

Jimin came from a long line of auror wizards and witches that stretched back centuries. This meant that he had extensive knowledge of the Dark Arts inherited from their wise teachings. His mother and father still worked in the Ministry, which meant that he’d slipped into the Defence Against the Dark Arts position with ease. 

Which was a good thing as it had remained an awkward position after the Second Wizarding War. It was a role that was often hard to fill as some many witches and wizards felt that it would be best to ignore that the Dark Arts even existed. If no one knew about the Dark Arts, and all the horrific violence and devastation that had occurred with them, then there wouldn’t be any need to defend it. 

That was, of course, a most ridiculous idea and Hogwarts had firmly resisted any such attempts to whitewash both the history and the concept of the Dark Arts. By not acknowledging what happened, and teaching to both understand why it happened alongside how to protect against it, then it would just happen again.

But it remained an exceptionally unpopular position due to the intimate knowledge of the Dark Arts required. To know how best to protect against the Dark spells, you had to know what the Dark spells were. 

You had experienced at least three professors during your tenure as a student.

That had all changed five years ago though when Park Jimin had finally taken over when his predecessor had packed it all in to go and study the famous dragons in Romania. The handsome silver-haired professor was young, but he had won over the staff of the prestigious school with his astonishingly good spellwork.

The fact that he had also made short work of their hearts was because he was also incredibly good looking, much to his benefit when it came to dating you were sure.

Jimin wasn’t just a pretty face though; he was the best dueller in the school. From what you’d been told, he had yet to be bested. Which honestly, was to be expected from someone with such a prestigious bloodline as his.

But not only that, he’d proven to be sweet and kind to his students with a backbone of steel as well. While there may be no true bad blood between houses now, Slytherin still garnered an air of suspicion from other houses even to this day. 

Given the preponderance of dark witches and wizards that the house had produced over the years, it was a well-earnt suspicion, unfortunately. Still, you didn’t believe that the bad decisions and choices made by people long ago should have any bearing on your current students; all of them born long after those terrible events.

Jimin had proven to be an excellent example of why you should never stereotype people based on what others had done. In your opinion, he was an exceptional teacher and had taken on the helm of the Defence Against the Dark Arts role with the clear mindset of not only helping to protect his students but also to try and prevent them from making poor choices.

It was a tough subject to teach as it meant constantly walking a narrow line while also steering students true through narrow and murky waters. There were plenty of students who might find themselves a little too fascinated in the concept of the Dark Arts, after all.

According to Chaeyoung, Jimin tried to combat this by making sure to teach them about the history of the Dark Arts. From what you understood, he held no punches in making sure they all knew the horrific acts of murder and sacrifice that had been committed to preventing students from romanticising a dark part of wizarding history. 

Not only that, but he made sure to teach about the most infamous dark wizards in history; the Death Eaters and Voldemort. This was all to ensure that they did not repeat the mistakes of the past. He took his role seriously, whether it was through spellwork or simply enriching the minds.

Despite his relative youth, you’d come to know him as passionate and hard-working with a true love for his students. Whether they be in Slytherin or Gryffindor. It was just one of the many things that you had come to grow to love about Hogwarts in your short time here so far, the way the school had adapted and grown so quickly.

Hogwarts was a castle that had been built from stone carved centuries ago and housed ancient treasures of the wizarding world, but the Battle of Hogwarts had been a turning point for many. No longer did it constantly look at the past with pure pride, and to many - ignorance, but instead looked to the future as well.

It sought to teach well-rounded wizards and witches that would enrich the community. Which meant it had attempted to modernise itself as much as it could. Of course, it didn’t match the sparkling modernity of steel and technology that the muggle world had developed over the last two centuries but it was improving itself and working to develop new magics that would mirror some of the advancements that the muggles had made.

Perhaps the only thing you’d found a little awkward to embrace was teaching itself. You’d been eager to begin but had quickly realised that teaching was much more complicated than you’d imagined. For all of the good things that Hogwarts was doing lately, it seemed odd to you that they didn’t even bother teaching their professors to teach.

A few discussions with some of the others had revealed that they also had this issue when they’d started. It seemed to have been easier for those who hadn’t spent too much time away from the school after they’d graduated but it had been a long time since you’d been schooled here. Teaching methods had changed and you’d struggled to maintain a healthy balance of actually teaching, answering questions to help students, having open hours to encourage students who were struggling to have extra tuition and finding time to mark the essays that you handed out. 

In short, it had been a very steep learning curve for yourself. Thankfully, your students had given you the benefit of the doubt, which meant they’d been very accepting of any mistakes you’d made. You’d also worked with the other professors to establish a good teaching plan for each of your lessons while also cross-referencing to ensure students weren’t loaded with too much homework.

It was more work than you’d expected, which made you understand how naive you’d been. But you found it to be satisfying work and the reward of seeing students learn and retain their knowledge throughout their lessons was better than anything you’d done in your previous job. And that was to say nothing about the pure wonder and joy on the faces of the first-year students when you had begun their education.

Underlying all of your experiences so far though was one Jung Hoseok. Whilst you’d become quick friends with Seokjin and Chaeyoung, Hoseok was a strange enigma to you. He was friendly and always willing to help you whenever you got confused over something or were feeling a little stressed.

His job as the Care of Magical Creatures professor meant that you rarely saw him during school hours. A large portion of his time was spent outside in the Forbidden Forest or in the custom-built buildings that housed many of the fantastical creatures that he cared for. You knew that he did have a classroom though. It wasn’t anywhere near yours but it held a lot of the smaller creatures that didn’t do so well in the Scottish climate.

Hoseok’s commitment to his job was commendable as he often spent a lot of hours outside. Which meant that as the months slowly shifted to winter, he was finding himself in the cold and rain a lot more often than not.

More than once, you’d spotted him outside when peeking through one of your classroom windows and noted him completely drenched as the rain poured down. It made you cringe each time you saw it, knowing that his robes would be heavy with water. But he never complained about it, even though he was the only professor who also had to work on the weekends.

On top of that, he was also busy with being the Head of Hufflepuff. From what you understood from your talks with Jimin, it meant always being available outside of learning hours for his House students. Whether they wanted to talk about a problem they had or simply needed advice, he was there to help them with whatever they needed.

It also meant that he had to attend every Quidditch game, and you wondered how he managed to cope with such a full schedule. You felt exhausted after a week of just your normal work but knowing how much extra he put in was mind-blowing. 

Despite this though, you’d noticed over time that Hoseok always made sure to be present for every meal in the Great Hall. And much like the first meal you’d shared at the top table, he always sat next to you. You hadn’t thought anything of it until Seokjin had casually mentioned one day while you’d been at Hogsmeade with him and Chaeyoung that he’d never sat in that place before.

His old spot was actually on the other side of the table, next to Taehyung and Jimin. Seokjin hadn’t even thought anything of his comment but it had caused you to pause, wondering why Hoseok had felt the need to change his position. At the time, you’d simply shrugged and pointed out that you’d known him when he was younger and that his sister was your best friend. 

It only made sense that he wanted to be there to help you out and make sure you were okay.

But that excuse started to falter when you thought about the fact that he never mentioned Jisoo to you. Hoseok didn’t mention anything of the past that you both shared. Instead, he would talk about Hogwarts now and your jobs or ask about what life was like at the Ministry when you’d been there. Those topics often led off onto little tangents and you’d both find yourselves chattering away with each other as the meals went on.

The others would get involved too when they could, but there was something...singular about Hoseok’s focus. And that was to say nothing of how he always made sure to walk you back to your quarters after dinner. There was never much talk that happened then, instead, the two of you simply enjoyed the architecture and decoration of Hogwarts as you found different ways to get back, the company exquisite in its silence.

A comfortable silence that you hadn’t found with many other people.

Chaeyoung was convinced that Hoseok liked you. You’d tried to debunk that theory by pointing out that he’d fancied you when he was younger and it was probably just the allure of an older girl who was more accessible to him than others. You were always around given your friendship with his sister and he’d probably just transferred his teenage hormones onto you at the time.

If anything, he was probably embarrassed about how obvious he was back then. Poor Hoseok had never been subtle in anything.

Despite your defence, Chaeyoung had simply given you a look that you hadn’t been able to interpret. Nor did you understand the subtle glances and smirks that she exchanged with Seokjin whenever Hoseok sat next to you at the dining table. It was like there was a silent conversation happening between the two of them about you, only you weren’t included in it.

Thankfully, you weren’t the type of person to be too influenced by other’s thoughts and opinions. So you didn’t let Chaeyoung’s opinion on the subject impact upon your burgeoning friendship with Hoseok. So even though there was a voice in the back of your mind telling you that there was something more, you ignored it and chose not to ruin the fledgeling friendship you had.

You’d felt a sense of relief though that Chaeyoung had been too busy with marking papers to attend dinner last night, which meant that she hadn’t been able to overhear your conversation with Hoseok last night. The two of you had been discussing his lesson plans for the next few weeks and what creatures his students were going to be studying.

He’d suddenly gotten an odd look on his face before grinning. If there was one thing you had learnt upon being back at Hogwarts, it was that Hoseok’s smile was perhaps one of the prettiest things you’d ever seen. Which was why you’d smiled back at him immediately, even though you had no idea what he was so happy about.

But he hadn’t made you wait and had instead asked if you were tonight. You’d acknowledged it and confusion had been written all over your face but he’d just given an enigmatic shrug. All he’d said after that was to meet him at the entrance of the Forbidden Forest an hour after dinner. 

Which was why you were now standing in the dark. Your robes were wrapped tightly around you but it did nothing to stop the way you shivered, jaw tight as a cold wind rushed through the trunks of the trees before you. Part of you wanted to run back to the castle if only to grab your winter coat, but you didn’t want to look like you’d stood Hoseok up. 

Though you did wish he’d turn up quicker rather than later.

Huddling under your cloak more, you clasped the edges together with your hands and pushed it up to cover your mouth and nose. It didn’t do a whole lot against the cold, but it was better than being exposed to it. Even though the wind wasn’t strong, it was still enough to cause your robes to flap, the sound loud against the quiet of the grounds.

The only other sound right now was the wind as it howled through the Forbidden Forest, making the already dark and ominous area look even scarier. Even though you were now an adult, there was an underlying fear of the forest before you. Perhaps it was because it had been firmly ingrained in you as a student that this area was off-limits or something.

Still, you wouldn’t want to go walking around in it on your own anytime soon.

The sight of the trees suddenly moving ahead of you made you gasp quietly, body freezing in position as you squinted to try and see what it had been. You knew that the forest was full of many magical creatures; not all of them gentle and kind.

Swallowing hard, you stayed in place to try and avoid attention, gaze skittering around as you tried to find that shape once more. A branch cracking caused you to flinch, your hands tightening into fists around the material of your cloak and you had to clench your jaw to stop any noise from escaping.

The black shape formed once more ahead of you and you almost shrieked in fright, getting ready to run away until you saw a sudden flash of brighter colour. Frowning, you let your hands unclasp themselves until you realised it was a yellow scarf and realisation flooded through your body.

“Bloody hell!” You cursed, the syllables being spat with indignation. Hoseok looked up in surprise, his own eyes widening in surprise before concern etched itself onto his face when he saw the dual outrage and fear on you. Striding forward, you met him just as he was about to cross over the boundary of the trees onto the grounds of the castle and poked at this chest, a scowl on your face.

“You didn’t think to warn me you were going to be coming from the forest! Merlin’s beard, I almost ran away because I was afraid it was something that was going to hurt me.” Hissing at him, you realised belatedly that you had to look up to him to do this. Damn him and his growth spurt.

Still, he at least had the decency to look a little sheepish.

“Sorry, I didn’t think it might seem a little scary. I was just coming back from checking on the centaurs; I haven’t been able to meet them in a while and wanted to see if they were okay.” His explanation was logical but it still made you scowl.

“Why aren’t you carrying a light or something?! Do you always just gallivant around the Forbidden Forest in the dark? Aren’t there dangerous things here?” You pepper him with the questions quickly, each one causing his brow to rise higher incrementally. It’s a good job that it’s dark because you don’t notice the way the corner of his lips quirks up in amusement at your tirade.

“I don’t use one in there, not normally. I know my way around very well. I have worked in this forest for years now. But I do have lanterns dotted around in case I need one and I can always use a lumos spell, like now. I figured you wouldn’t want to journey in the dark.” At that, he pulls his wand out of a pocket in his robes and mutters the spell, the tip lighting up with bright white.

Narrowing your eyes at the sudden influx of light, you’re momentarily startled by just how handsome Hoseok looks in the light. It casts an almost blue glow to him, his normally sun-kissed skin looking paler than you’ve ever seen it before. The shadows on his face only serve to highlight the sharp angles of his features while his eyes almost glitter.

It’s only then that you realise you’re staring, quickly averting your gaze away and focusing them on your hands instead. At that moment, another harsh wind blows through and you shiver in response, your shoulders lifting as you try to curl in on yourself.

Gripping your cloak once more, you’re too distracted to notice what Hoseok is doing. The only sign is the light going a little wonky for a few moments before you’re startled by the sudden feeling of softness on your neck.

Letting out a small ‘eep’ of surprise, you jerk away only to see Hoseok staring at you with wide eyes, his scarf no longer wrapped around his neck and instead being held out to you. The Hufflepuff colours look washed out in the odd light and you pause, giving him a confused look as you glance between the scarf and him.

Brows raised, he lifts the item before giving you a slow smile. “You’re cold. You can wear this if you want. It’s not as chilly in the forest but I don’t want you to get poorly because of it. I should have warned you, sorry.”

It seems like all he’s done is apologise so far and it makes you feel bad, causing you to nod your head and take the scarf from him. Wrapping it around your neck, you immediately feel a little warmer and you can’t help but take a deep inhale of the scent woven into the soft fibres. It’s a more concentrated form of what you get to smell every meal time; citrus and something with a slight hint of spice.

For a second, you wonder if it’s a cologne it’s bought himself or if perhaps it’s something a woman bought for him. It suits him, either way.

“Are you ready? You don’t have to come if you’re feeling uncomfortable or anything…” Hoseok trails off, biting his lip in an almost nervous way that makes you feel a little odd. Pushing the thought away, you hum and glance behind him into the forest. Your curiosity was too much and so you nodded firmly, giving him a gentle smile before gesturing for him to start walking.

Without another word, he turns around and begins to walk once more. You notice casually that he’s following a path cut into the forest, the ground level and even compared to the wildness all around you. Alongside the sound of your boots on the dirt, you realise that there are a few other noises all around you.

The gentle hoot of an owl is overwhelmed by a shriek far away, causing a chill to run up your spine. Shuffling forward a little quicker, you almost reach out to Hoseok as a tinge of fear takes over. As if he can tell, he turns around and gives you a concerned look.

“What was that?” Whispering, you glance around and wonder if you should talk loudly. Hoseok looks in the same direction as you do before shrugging slightly.

“Could be anything. This forest is full of creatures, both magical and mundane. Might be a bat or could be something else. Don’t worry though, there’s not usually anything dangerous around this part of the forest. It’s too close to the edge and the creatures that can do the most harm prefer to remain deep within the forest.” It’s almost casual the way he slows to walk alongside you, giving you the safety of his presence but you notice it all the same.

Not that you comment on it, of course. But you appreciate it nonetheless.

Giving him a noncommittal sound, you continue until he takes a sudden turn off the path. The forest floor is dense with foliage and tree roots, causing you to trip a few times. Hoseok helps you along, reaching you to hold your arm to keep you upright when you trip over one too many roots and you get the sense he’s enjoying this.

Maybe it’s because he lets out a soft chuckle when you swear loudly, scowling down at the deeply embedded rock that you’d accidentally kicked. Despite the fact your best friend’s little brother is leading you deep into a scary, dark forest, you don’t feel any concern about him. What could be in the forest, sure, but not him.

He gives off a sense of security that surprises you. All those years ago, Hoseok had been the perfect example of an annoying little brother to Jisoo. Always irritating her and doing things with the sole purpose of being a pain, which in turn meant doing those things to you as well. But now he seemed dependable and you got the sense that you’d want him with you if anything bad happened.

“Okay, we’re almost there. Now, I need you to stay very calm and don’t make any large or sudden movements. You might scare her.” Staring at him in alarm, you suddenly realise that you’ve not even questioned what he’s wanting to show you. Not that he’d have told you, you’re positive of that, but his instructions make you feel a little uneasy.

Upon seeing your face in the light of his wand, he gives a small smile and rests his hand on your arm reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, I promise, you’re going to like this. You’ll understand what I mean.” Frowning at him, you watch as he starts forward once more and realise he’s heading into a little clearing. Sighing deeply, you realise that you don’t want to stand there on your own so you follow him slowly, almost hesitant to see whatever he’s bringing you to.

You swear, if it’s one of those obscenely large spiders that’s supposed to live in this forest then you’re going to jinx him with something he’ll still be suffering from in a year.

The clearing is small and almost circular, though the position of some trees makes it seem a little broken in places. Long grass that is almost bouncy cushions your feet and you wonder if flowers would grow in the daylight, the canopy of trees above broken and allowing more sky through than elsewhere.

During the day it would get a lot of sunlight, but at the moment you couldn’t help staring in awe at the moon as it glowed brightly, it’s full body visible against the black of the sky. A few stars twinkled serenely alongside it, looking peaceful and creating a beautiful image. 

A pale, ghostly colour catches your attention from the corner of your eye and you find yourself pressing to Hoseok a little closer. His back is strong and solid against your hands as you tense in concern, peeking around him to try and catch what it was.

What you see causes you to gasp out loud, letting go of Hoseok’s robes abruptly as you take a wide step away from him to get a better view.

Long, sinewy legs move through the forest in an almost dainty manner, picking their way through the undergrowth with care and precision. There’s almost no sound as the creature moves towards the clearing, only the softest rustle of leaves that can’t be avoided. It’s fascinating how quietly it can move given its size and you wonder if it’s some magical ability that allows that.

Within moments, the shape coalesces into a clearer image as it passes through the edge of the trees on the other side of the clearing. A silver coat practically glows under the moonlight, giving the creature an ethereal feel that makes you feel that it’s not even real. That you’re just seeing an apparition instead of a real animal.

The horn on its head is long and spiralling, ending in a deadly point while the pale white mane and tail flow in elegant waves towards the ground. Golden hooves paw softly at the grass, glinting slightly.

A unicorn.

“Merlin’s beard…” You whisper, pressing a hand to your mouth before looking at Hoseok. “A unicorn...that’s a unicorn!”

They were rare creatures, even rarer now due to being hunted over the centuries by both muggles and wizards. Muggles thought them a myth now while you knew the rumour of the powerful properties that unicorn blood had. You hadn’t even known the Forbidden Forest had unicorns in them.

“It is. I haven’t named her, seems a little wrong to name her. They normally don’t really like men but I found her when she was injured two years ago. She was dying and I helped nurse her back to health. Unicorns have great memories and we’ve kind of become...friends? Or as much of a friend as you can be to one.” He finishes, smiling as he watches the unicorn snort almost in agreement.

Her eyes are a deep black in the moonlight but you note they look almost friendly and kind. Hoseok’s hand on your back pushes you forward slightly, causing you to start and look back at him with wide eyes.

“Move slowly...hold your hand out to her so she can see it and smell it. Be careful and like I said...no sudden moves. You’re a woman so she’s more likely to accept you anyway, but she’ll let you know if she’s not happy.” Gulping, you nod and take a deep breath. Letting it out slowly, you try to stop the trembling in your limbs.

Whether it’s from excitement at finally getting to see your favourite magical creature in the flesh or fear of being gored to death by that dangerous horn, you don’t know. But you follow Hoseok’s words, trusting him to be right.

Slowly, you walk forwards with your hand out, palm side up. Each step you take, you stare intently at the body of the unicorn to try and catch any movement that might be viewed as hostile. Given she had four legs, there was no way you could outrun her but you’d at least like to say you had a head start.

Despite your worry, she makes no threatening moves. If anything, she seems cautiously curious; her ears pricked forwards towards you and her eyes remaining focused solely on you. Not a muscle in her body moves, only the chilly wind blowing through her mane and tail.

Finally, you’re almost within touching distance of her. But instead of carrying on, you stop. Something inside you tells you that it’s a good idea to do that, to let her come to you and accept you. So you remain standing there with your palm held out to her, watching her closely.

Nostrils slightly darker than the rest of her body flare wide a few times, likely taking in as much air as she can to smell you. It isn’t enough though and she slowly extends her neck out, her refined head stretching out until you can feel the hotness of her breath. Not moving, you let her investigate until finally, she takes one careful step forward and presses the velvety softness of her muzzle into your hand.

Smiling, you let her increase the pressure before turning your hand and gently stroking her. There’s a moment of almost curiosity in her eyes, not that you can tell what a unicorn is feeling, before she lets out a huff of air and leans her head into your touch, obviously enjoying the feeling. 

Your smile turns into a wide grin as you run your hand along her face slowly, letting her get used to the feel of you before you gently scratch at her chin. Almost instantly her ears flatten and you feel a pang of panic, but she just lifts her head and lets out a nicker of contentment, giving you a better position.

“She likes you.” You hear from beside you, and you turn to see Hoseok patting the unicorn’s neck.

Turning away from you momentarily, the mare lets out a soft whinny as she looks behind her into the forest. Frowning, you crane your head to try to see what she’s looking at. Soft footfalls being and you look at Hoseok in confusion, tilting your head at the sight of his grin.

Before you can ask him what’s going on, there’s a high pitched neigh and the mare turns her head back to you, butting at your hand gently. Glancing to her side, your jaw drops once more and you can’t help but squeal lightly.

A foal is standing next to her, it’s coat fluffy with baby fur and a beautiful golden that contrasts completely from its mother. There’s no horn on its head, only a tiny nub that will one day grow long and tall. Gangly legs look too long for its body and the short, fuzzy tail make you coo in delight as it flicks it from side to side eagerly, those big eyes staring at you as it almost dances in place.

Looking at its mum, you almost ask for the permission with a hand raised in the foal's direction and you could swear the unicorn almost nods. Slowly, you move towards the foal and stroke along its short neck, marvelling at how soft and fluffy it is. The foal snorts, its entire body wobbling from the movement and you giggle in delight, completely awed by the sight of them both.

“She had this foal only a month ago, so he’s still pretty small. But he’s a sweetheart and so friendly. As you probably know, he’ll keep that gold coat for two years before paling out to silver.” Hoseok says casually, still stroking the mare and smiling at her fondly. 

For a few minutes, you’re too busy playing with the foal to pay attention to his words but they finally sink in.

“What do you mean, as you probably know?” Neither of you had discussed unicorns so far during your mealtime talks, so you didn’t know why he’d think that. Sure, you’d been taught about unicorns in school but that had been so long ago and it hadn’t even been a full class on them. 

Your love of them had meant you’d learnt much more about them, absorbing all the information you could find in books when you were a teenager. The fact that you were finally standing here, stroking not only a unicorn but also her foal was something that you’d always wished you could do. Given how rare they were though, you’d never expected it to happen.

“Well, they’re your favourite magical creature, right? Or they were, anyway.” He frowns slightly, unsure if he’s got something wrong and you simply stare at him for a moment.

Had he remembered that from when you’d been at Hogwarts? Given your love of them, it was only natural that he’d known about them back then given how often you’d spent time at his house to have sleepovers with Jisoo. But you’d have thought he’d have forgotten all about that by now.

Jisoo didn’t even remember this as you’d both grown over the years, the obsession of teenagers mellowing out. Unicorns remained your favourite magical creature, but you didn’t hold that deep passion that you did back then. The fact that Hoseok had remembered stunned you into silence for a moment though, causing you to frown down at the foal.

“Yeah...yeah, they are. I...I mean...thank you. For remembering and showing me this, this is amazing. I’ll never forget this, Hoseok.” You’re not entirely sure how to thank him properly, because you don’t know of anyone else who could show you a unicorn like this.

Before you can say anything else or Hoseok can respond, you’re both distracted by the way the foal lets out a squeal and butts his head into you lightly before jumping away. Taken aback, you watch him for a moment for he does it again, his impossibly slim legs wobbling slightly as he trips on a rock.

“He wants you to play,” Hoseok says softly, smiling as he watches you both. Glancing to him, you raise a brow before grinning back at the baby unicorn. Tilting your head at him, you purse your lips before jumping forward and raising your hands in claw motions. Almost immediately, the foal leaps forward before darting back to you and you giggle, already planning your next move.

Yeah, okay, you might be thirty-three years old...but you were going to play with the baby unicorn.

[joheun-saram]

“Is your refrigerator running?” (jjk)

Summary- Who knew the annoying prank calls you were receiving would become the favourite part of your day.

word count- 4.2k

pairing- fratboy!Jungkook x Reader

rating- PG-13

genre- fluff, collegeau

warnings- none! just stupid jokes.

a.n- Part of my drabbles for @btsholidaybingo​, ticking off the Prank Calls tile! I’ll be posting these every week or so as I get them done. Check out the other drabbles here :)

s/o to the beautiful @heyitsmeee2​ for beta reading and helping me fix the ending! 💕

As always feedback appreciated. Send me an ask! 💌

-

“So how’s your new boyfriend?” Namjoon asked you as you chewed on your fries, almost choking at his insinuition. He laughs at you as he takes a sip of his milkshake, slurping obnoxiously, his eyes widening as he concentrates on the flavour.

“Stop! He’s just a random guy with too much time on his hands! I don’t even know his name! Although...” You stared at your burger, trying to forget what your roommate was alluding to. Two months ago you had started getting phone calls from a stranger. It wasn't something from a horror movie, don't worry. It was harmless. He would call you at random times in the day to ask you silly questions. You don’t know how he even got your number but there was something about his easy going nature and lame jokes that made you want to continue talking to him. Namjoon suspected it was a byproduct of your loneliness, but it was comforting hearing his voice to break through your mundane day to day. 

"Hi, is this Y/N?" A deep voice spoke as you picked up the call from an unknown number.

"Yes this is she. Who is this?" You asked as you sat up straighter, your attention diverting from the paper you were writing. You had applied to eight jobs for after graduation and you were sure this was a call for an interview, even though it was 10 pm. Your eyes lit up as you hoped this was the big consulting firm you were waiting to hear from.

"I have a very important question that I was hoping you could help me with."

"Um.. sure go ahead." You fiddled with your pen, scribbling random shapes on your notebook, feeling somewhat nervous. Is this how employers usually talked? Did they do this to build anticipation?

"Is your refrigerator running?"

"I'm sorry what?"

"Is your refrigerator running?" 

"Are you calling on behalf of the landlord?" Your voice was flat with disappointment. Surely, this was not an important question. Oh how you wished it was an interview call. You sighed.

"Please answer my question."

"Yes. It's running."

"Then you better go catch it, shouldn't you?"

And with that he hung up and you were baffled. Which decade was this dude from? Who does these lame prank calls anyway and more importantly why does your caller ID not show who it is? Thinking nothing of it, you go about finishing your assignment, albeit slightly aggravated. However, the calls continue. Everyday this stranger would call you with questions, sometimes with a silly punchline but oftentimes even sillier riddles.

"Okay, dude seriously. This is getting annoying." You huffed after a week and a half of receiving calls from the same deep voiced stranger, although you’d be lying if you said his little laugh after he told his jokes was not endearing.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to annoy you." He seemed hurt and you couldn’t fathom why he would be hurt over a comment a stranger made over his prank calls. In fact, you were sure this was some hobby of his and he had a rotation of strangers to bother.

"Can you at least tell me your name?" You don’t know why you were indulging him, but you had to give him props for constantly calling you. It was kind of becoming part of your daily routine.

"Dixie. My name's Dixie." You could hear the mirth in his tone.

"Dixie? Oh I thought you were a dude, my bad."

"I can be a dude and still have Dixie as my name. Jeez, are you a bigot?" He scolded.

"Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean it that way, Dixie."

"That's Dixie Normus to you." He laughed at his joke, every syllable of his laugh separated as if he was a cartoon character.

"Oh my god. You're the worst!" Regardless of your words, you were laughing. Laughing hard enough to have the banana milk you were drinking to snort out of your nose, making you cough. For a moment, you were glad this stranger wasn't in the room.

"Sorry! Are you okay?" You could hear the humour in his words, shading them in anything but an apology.

And so it went, your mysterious caller, who refused to go by anything other than Dixie turned into a somewhat friend, if you can even call someone who you know no personal details about your friend. After a month the phone calls had turned from cringe worthy puns to actual conversations about your day. You had started to look forward to the unknown flashing on your screen, and sharing the mundane details of your day with Dixie.

In two months you learned a lot more about Dixie. He went to your university, he was an avid gamer, he majored in computer science, and apparently it was now part of his daily routine to call you whenever he was cooling down from his workout on the treadmill - explaining the creepy breathlessness of his voice and beeps in the background. Sometimes you had half a mind to go to the university gym during your calls and see your mysterious friend, but somehow you never found the courage. It was nice not knowing what Dixie looked like, not judging someone by their looks but just by the content of their words. There was no room for disappointment.

It also oddly comforted you that you would never meet him and during your nightly conversations you would end up sharing thoughts that you’d be too uncomfortable sharing with even your best friends. Thoughts about the uncertainty you had over graduating soon, thoughts about being sad over failed relationships, even thoughts about your random existential crisis that would plague you mid week. Dixie was empathetic and had a knack for comforting you with small jokes and his own struggles. You would never admit it to Namjoon, but Dixie was slowly becoming your closest friend, even surpassing him to a certain extent.

"You're insane you know that?" Namjoon chided as you talked about Dixie and how you considered him a friend now. Even though Namjoon was your best friend since first grade, he sometimes didn't understand why you romanticised daily events so much. He never understood why you kept giving Dixie the benefit of the doubt, why you kept picking up his phone calls even when you knew it was going to be a lame joke or two.

"I'm not insane Joon! Haven't you heard of pen pals? This is the same thing but with voice."

"Nah. I think it's your crippling loneliness. Which is why we're going to Jin's frat party tonight." Namjoon was not having any of your excuses. So what if your last relationship was a year ago. You and Yoongi were great together. He was the perfect boyfriend and after he went to LA to pursue his music career, you told him you'd wait. Turns out he wasn't on the same page as you since six months after moving, he called you to break things off. He was right though, it would have been stupid to wait for him when neither of you knew when and even if he was ever coming back. It was unfair to the both of you to keep dragging this thing along. But even if Yoongi hadn't been around the last year and a half, you just couldn't see yourself with anyone else. You still missed talking to him every night and sharing your day, laughing at stupid videos together or just listening to him playing the piano through the static line of your phone. Maybe Namjoon was right. Maybe you were lonely and the only reason you were so attached to Dixie was because of the way his phone calls had replaced Yoongi's and how you no longer waited at the end of your day staring at your phone waiting for your ex's call but instead you received real actual calls from your voice pen pal.

You sighed agreeing with Namjoon and went home, not exactly looking forward to the party and missing Dixie’s call.

------------------------

Jin's frat was notorious for the wildest parties on campus. It was always a cacophony of drunk students and a pit of hedonism. When Namjoon and you arrived, the party was in full swing and you thanked your best friend for having the foresight of pre-drinking. The bottle of grapefruit soju you had emptied earlier at your shared apartment ensured that you were not put off by the plethora of drunk guys trying to hit on you microseconds after you entered.

Looking for Jin and let's be honest, a little gin as well, you and Namjoon made your way to the kitchen, to be greeted by your tall friend doing a keg stand. Beer dripped down his chin as his fraternity brothers held him up, his feet almost touching the ceiling. As you poured yourself a gin and tonic, Jin climbed down from the keg to a chorus of applause. Much to your chagrin, he walked over, draping his arms around your shoulders and plastering your back with his beer soaked chest.

"Ew get off me you vermin!" You squealed, shivering in the gross feeling, your backless top doing nothing to shield you from your friend’s shirt as he refused to budge.

"Vermin? VERMIN?! I invite you to my house, give you free drinks, and an array of decent dicks to pick from and I'm the vermin?" Jin finally detaches, giving you a scowl as he leans against the kitchen island, pouring himself what you gather is his tenth drink of the night.

"Jin all of these guys are as gross as you. And I've told you I don't need to get laid!"

"Sure tell that to your vibrator working overtime."

"How did you even - " you sputered, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Namjoon, obviously. And before you kill him, there are no secrets between friends and part-time lovers." He winked, making you roll your eyes. Namjoon and Jin had been on and off since the beginning of freshmen year, neither the type for commitment but to your dismay loved to tell you all about their rollercoaster of a relationship. You swear you could write a thesis on dysfunctional relationships using theirs as a case study.

"Ew. Please stop. I don't need to know about you and Joon getting it on."

"Well then let me introduce you to someone so you can get it on." He wiggled his eyebrows puckering his lips to annoy you. 

"I know all your brothers Jin and no thank you." You lightly slapped his lips making him groan as he grabbed your wrist continuing his tirade. You’d be lying if you said his frat brothers had never caught your eye - they were famous for their astoundingly good looks, in fact there even seemed to be an instagram page dedicated to people randomly spotting them on campus (@betatauinthewild). However, their good looks did not make up for the fact that they were a bunch of loud fuckboys. You loved Jin and Namjoon and would literally stab anyone who said anything against them but you had to agree that they were the biggest players of the group, finding a new person to bed almost every weekend. That is, unless they were with each other - case and point their dysfunctional relationship.

"Well we have a new brother and he's my little brother. He's a sophomore, he just joined, and he's your type. The whole quiet but nice guy type." Jin continued, ignoring you in typical fashion.

"I don't have a type."

"Please! As if Yoongi wasn’t a cookie cutter tsundere. Come on let me introduce you to him!" He grabbed your shoulder and pleaded, pouting and widening his eyes in the most adorable puppy dog face you had seen him pull.

"Can we not talk about Yoongi please." You sighed. You finished your drink and proceeded to pour another one. 

"Yes! Let's talk about JK!"

"Jin... come on. Let's just drink okay?"

"Fine but I'm telling you, you'll get along. He's a great guy."

An hour into the party, you had lost both Jin and Namjoon and were getting tired of Jin’s exceedingly drunk frat brothers trying their pick up lines of the day on you. Your head was hurting from the noise of the party and you were sure if you saw another couple subtly trying to test their exhibitionism kink you were going to puke. So as it was typical for whenever you went to these parties, you started to make your way to Jin’s room. Jin may be loud and obnoxious and being lusted after by pretty much the entire campus, but he was reliable for one thing: he never fucked where he slept. And so his room became a sort of sanctuary for you when these parties would get too much.

You made your way up the stairs almost tripping over two guys who had decided that making out horizontally on the stairs was a good idea - you did not envy how busted their backs would be tomorrow. Punching in the code you walked in to find that there was already someone there, reclined on the bed with his arms behind his head, earphones in, humming gently as he stared at the ceiling. You had never seen him before, but boy did you wish you did. His dark hair was splayed over the pillows, a smile ghosting his full lips. He was dressed in all black, much like you but unlike your lace bodysuit and skinny jeans, he was wearing a boxy back t shirt with ripped jeans, his feet in those questionable toe socks. And he was buff, even though his body was mostly covered you could make out the muscle in his arms, one of which had intricate tattoos etched on to. You’re unaware how long you stared at this stranger, but suddenly he turns his face looking at you. Seeing you there he immediately jumps up, pulling his earphones out, startling you in turn.

“I- I’m sorry. Y-you can’t be h-here,” he stutters out, a soft blush rising up his cheeks as he nervously pulls at his ear.

“I should be saying that to you. Why are you in Jin’s room?” You shut the door, leaning on it, feeling oddly territorial.

“I- Hyung needed my room.” You found the stuttering boy in front of you endearing. Something about how he bashfully stared at anything but you while speaking made you want to hug him. 

“Oh my god! You let him into your room? Drunk during a party?” You almost scream, but lower your voice seeing the alarm on his face. Walking over, you sat next to him, a few feet away so as not to make him uncomfortable. “Do you like doing laundry or something?” you joked.

Hearing your question the boy perks up, looking at you with a bright smile that made your heart skip a beat. “I do actually! How did you know?” he asks excitedly. You almost felt bad bursting his bubble.

“I didn’t… It’s just - you know Jin’s probably having sex in there right?” You look at the abject horror on his face in sympathy, so you try to change the subject. “Nevermind. Why are you hiding in here?”

“I’m not hiding. I just got bored. Everyone there just wants to hook up or get blackout drunk.”

“You do realise which frat you’re part of right?”

“I know,” he chuckles, seemingly more relaxed as he lays down on the bed, his feet still on the floor. “I honestly didn’t even wanna join but I’m a legacy so my dad really wanted me to be a part of it, Beta Tau pride and all.”

“Not to be a bitch, but dude you sound like a protagonist of a shitty college romcom,” you laugh looking down at him as he smiles, crossing your legs on the bed as you turn towards him, forcing yourself to ignore how cute he looks from this angle.

“You think you’re being a bitch, but that's a great compliment. I wish my life was a romcom. It’d be so easy…”

“Okay, emo. What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to think it’s dumb.”

“Hey I don’t even know your name! What have you got to lose?”

“Fine. There’s this girl I like and we always call each other… Well I call her.... at this time, but she didn’t pick up. So yes I’m emo, and yes I wish I was in a romcom so I’d go downstairs and randomly run into her.” He looks at you with a sad smile, shrugging slightly, and you feel yourself deflate. Not that you were interested in him or anything. You were sure it was just the alcohol in your system making you feel extra empathetic. Yup that’s it.

“Hey, that’s not stupid,” you say gently. “What if she’s down there did you check?”

“Well… I don’t actually know what she looks like… So, no…”

“Oh then maybe you should call her again! What if she was busy?”

“I don’t wanna be pushy, you know? I’m not even sure she thinks of me the same-”

“YO DIXIE! You in there?” A loud knock booms through the room accompanied by a deep voice. The attractive stranger next to you rolls his eyes before standing up, and at hearing his nickname you feel your heart kickstart, racing as you blink in disbelief. It can’t be…

“Dixie?” you stutter out.

“What’s up dude?” He opens the doors talking to Taehyung, one of the other Beta Tau brothers, as they start talking about something. You can barely hear their conversation, your brain full of scenarios and questions, your face crimson. You never thought you’d meet Dixie in real life. Do you tell him? Do you just run away? Why did he have to be so hot?!

Taehyung notices you on the bed for the first time and in typical fashion starts hollering and high-fiving Dixie. “Damn dude! The president’s best friend! Good for you!” He snickered as Dixie looked at him with his mouth agape, before turning to you. “Ay Y/N. Treat our boy JK well okay? He’s too nice for you!”

“Fuck off hyung!” JK, apparently that’s his name, shoves Taehyung as he grins widely before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and shutting the door, seemingly getting all that he came for.

“You’re Dixie…?” You stare up at him, standing up as you try to control the overwhelming urge to wrap your hands around him. Fuck, maybe Joon was right you did have a crush on your voice pen pal.

“I- Y/N?” He looks at you, mirroring your wide eyes. “The same Y/N I’ve been talking to?”

“Call me,” you almost whisper.

“What?”

“Call me so I know it’s real.” You move closer holding your phone up as he pulls his out of his pocket to dial your number. Your phone rings, displaying a set of numbers instead of unknown for the first time, and the two of you just stare at the vibrating device in your hand. It seems like time stood still, the air thick with tension as your shitty ringtone bounces off the walls. That is until you start laughing. Not giggling, full on laughing, holding your stomach as tears spill down your face, as JK looks at you in alarm, his arms hovering near you as you double over.

“Holy shit! You are the protagonist of a romcom!” You finally wheeze out as you hold his arm for support, while he looks at you with a frown. You’re unsure why this was your reaction, but you recover quickly to start your interrogation.

“So what’s your name Dixie or JK?”

“Jungkook, actually. Dixie’s my gamertag and JK is just what Jin hyung calls me.”

“How did you get my number?”

“Umm… I might have stolen it from hyung’s phone…”

“Why?”

“Because he prank called my friends first.” He spoke with a pout, and you swear your heart forgot to function.

“Why keep calling?”

“Really Y/N? You’re gonna interrogate me?” He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Keep talking Dixie!” You chuckled as his shy demeanor gave way to the Dixie, well the Jungkook, you knew. It was weird how fast the earlier awkwardness dissipated into comfort.

“What? I thought you sounded pretty! Sue me!” He shrugged, leaning back against the door, his hands in his pocket. Your eyes followed the movement, momentarily distracted by how his forearms flexed. Clearing your throat, you continued as he smirked, not missing the way your eyes seemed to be roaming his body.

“You said you were trying to call the girl you like. So you like me?” You try to sound as matter of fact as you could, but your voice wavered slightly at the last part as you made the mistake of looking at his face. He tilted his head, causing his hair to fall into his eyes that were boring holes into you, his smirk getting larger. Oh how you wished he turned back into the boy talking about how much he liked laundry.

“I thought it was obvious. I call you every night.” He stood straight, taking a step towards you causing heat to creep up your face at his sudden confidence. You don’t respond as he moves closer, causing his steps to falter. “Do you like me?” he asks, his voice a little smaller. You’re getting whiplash from the changes in his tone, but his question makes you feel warm. You haven’t felt this way in a long time, there’s butterflies in your stomach, your hands feel clammy, and you’re sure you can feel the heat off his body, so aware of where he stands merely inches away from you.

“I think so…” you move closer and he raises his hand as if to hold your hip but stops, hovering just centimeters away as looks at you, his gaze smouldering.

“What’ll make you sure of it?” he asks in a whisper, and before you can even comprehend the question, you are leaning up on your toes to press a light kiss against his lips. His lips are slightly chapped and you’re sure he can feel your heartbeat through them. Your skin tingles where he brings his hand on your hip, gently holding you. He doesn’t push you further, just leans his forehead on yours when you separate to whisper quietly, “This.”

“And?” His nose brushes against yours as you place your hand on his chest, his pounding heart mimicking yours. He slowly rubs his hands on your hips where they lay, and it’s like your skin is electrified.

“I’m sure,” you say as he crashes his lips on yours, pulling you closer as your arms snake around his neck. His reaction is much stronger this time as he moves his lips against yours feverently. He pulls you flush against him, your body molding against his hard muscles. His hands grip at your hips as he licks lightly at your lip, groaning as they part. It seems like he can’t decide what to do with his hands, roaming them over your sides, relishing the little moan you make as one of them cups your ass. His earlier shyness disappears, and who are you to resist him, as your hands in his hair pull him closer. It’s like everything finally makes sense, why you could never ignore his calls, why your heart raced whenever you heard him call your name through the static of your speaker. You had spent this whole time convincing yourself that he was just a stranger you could vent to when it was clear to you now that you were falling for him.

He whispers your name as you break apart, but his mouth continues down your jaw to your neck, kissing and sucking at the skin. His teeth drag across your collarbone, and you whimper at the way he soothes it with his tongue as you press your body even closer into his.

“Hey Y/N! Joon’s looking for you!”

The two of you break apart at the interruption, chest heaving and faces flushed. Looking up at Jungkook, you smile as he looks away shyly, his lip caught between his teeth, before turning to your best friend who is excitedly hopping in the doorway.

“I knew you would get along with JK!” Jin exclaims as you look once again at Jungkook before you both break out in a laugh. Trust Jin to know who you’d fall for before you. He comes up to pat his frat brother on the shoulder before his proud smile turns into a glare, warning the two of you that his room was for sleeping only and abruptly kicking you out. 

The two of you giggle as you make your way downstairs, unable to keep your hands off of each other, going from holding hands to hugging to sneaking kisses in the kitchen as you make your drinks. Before the night ends the two of you end up sitting in the backyard, kissing under the stars and planning your first date later that week, even though it felt like you had known each other an eternity.

You had never felt luckier to pick up a random phone call.

[yoditorian]

close to what

frankie morales/reader

as part of @din-damn-djarin‘s birthday song challenge, i picked dancing under red skies by dermot kennedy. it’s a favourite song of mine, i think it’s beautiful, and i felt like it fit this idea i’ve had swirling around for a little bit. this fic is extremely personal to me but it’s also not pretty. i don’t want to romanticise addiction or use it as a plot device, so PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS.

the support group and hospital drop-off box is drawn directly from my own experience. my inbox and ask box are always open if you need to talk, but i am by no means a professional. if you are struggling with themes of this fic a quick internet search should help you find resources local to you 💛

main masterlist

word count: 3.2k // warnings: addiction, PTSD, nightmares (inc. death mentions), recovery and relapse, therapy mentions, hospital mention, references to past substance abuse, implied reader is in addiction recovery, swears probably, ‘they’ as a pronoun in reference to the reader

Your ringtone is obnoxiously loud in the darkness of your bedroom but at least that means you don’t have to worry about where it is, reaching out blindly towards your nightstand where it blares by your head.

“You’re from the group thing, right? He’s mentioned you a few times.”

You don’t recognise the voice on the other end, maybe you should have checked who it was before answering. You pull the phone away from your ear for a second and glance at the time first, 4:03am. No call at four in the morning can involve good news. But it’s the name on the screen that has you wide awake in a split second: Frankie. 

“Is he okay?” You ask, putting whoever it is on speaker while you fumble for the lamp on your bedside table. An old sweater hangs over your bedpost, the logo of a sports team you’ve never heard of cracked and faded beyond recognition, and you tug it over your head in a panic.

“I don’t know, he’s locked himself in the bathroom. I just- he won’t come out. He won’t listen to me, he always listens to me.”

There’s a stifled something and a quiet knock. But no sound from Frankie, just the shaking sigh of the man you’re speaking to. He tells you his name quietly, Santiago, and you remember Frankie mentioning his oldest friend. An image pops up in your mind as you wrestle your jeans on, a fuzzy picture on Frankie’s phone screen, passed to you over the sticky table in a diner, of two men standing knee-deep in a river. Soaked to the bone but grinning ear to ear. Pope’s got him, if no one else has. That’s what he told you.

You stay on the phone with Santiago on the drive over, convincing yourself it's out of concern for him instead of the anxiety churning in your stomach. Frankie still makes no sound in the bathroom, the door stays locked, and you try not to think too hard before you have all the facts.

The Santiago that meets you at Frankie’s front door is a far cry from the man in the photograph. He looks exhausted, on the verge of tears. You’re pretty sure you’re not faring much better. 

“Last door,” He breathes, “Down the hall.”

You follow his instructions, finding the only closed door in the hallway and tapping lightly on the painted wood. Listening for a moment, you can just barely hear a shuddering breath. That’s better than nothing, at least it means he’s alive.

“Frankie?” You try, praying that he’ll relent when he realises it’s you. Santiago stands at the other end of the hall, wringing his hands together, phone trapped between his ear and his shoulder as he whispers frantically into it. He barely catches himself from crashing to his knees when the bathroom door clicks softly. 

“Can I come in?” You have to ask him. All this has to be on his terms, he has to set the boundaries. Anything less than that is dangerous, you won’t risk him hurting himself. 

He says nothing, but the door pulls back just a fraction of an inch and that’s all the confirmation you need. You push the door open enough to slip inside and shut it softly behind you again. 

Frankie’s sitting on the floor, his back against the bathtub and legs stretched out in front of him. A quick look over proves he’s not hurt, and you’d breathe a sigh of relief if it weren’t for the little ziplock bag between his knees. 

He’s very pointedly not looking at it, or you, instead choosing to glare at a spot on the ceiling. You maneuver yourself to sit opposite him, against the wall with your knees tucked up against your chest. 

“Did you take any?” It almost feels wrong to break the silence that’s settled over the two of you.

You wait with bated breath until he gives the slightest shake of his head. He hasn’t touched it. Okay, that’s the worst case scenario eliminated. It’s enough to have your heart rate calm a little, it doesn’t make things better by a long shot, but at least it’s something.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” You ask, picking at a loose thread of your sweatshirt. 

His chin falls to his chest and he pulls his knees up towards him and you’re sure this is it. This is where you lose him. But Frankie takes a deep breath. And then another. And then, he musters the courage to look you in the eyes. He doesn’t see pity, not like he thought he would. You don’t look disappointed or upset or angry, the way he was so sure you would be. You’re just waiting, letting him take the reins, he stores the knowledge away. In case he ever needs to dig you out.

“I don’t know what happened,” God, his throat is scratchy, “I just- I had a bad night. And I called Pope, and then-”

He breaks off with a heart-wrenching crack in his voice and you can’t help but reach out to him. Just a hand, stretched across the space between you. He holds onto you like his life depends on it.

“And I remembered I kept a bag on top of the medicine cabinet. And now you’re here.”

It’s to the point, simple, methodical. Like he’s back in the army and giving a flight report to his CO. You wonder if that’s what he needs right now, maybe spelling things out is better for him than asking what it is you can do. It’s easier, sometimes, when someone just tells you what’s going to happen. 

“Do you want to take it?” You have to know, for his safety if nothing else. You need him to tell you if there’s going to be a problem, if there’s a risk and he needs more than you. He knows you’re not going to walk out the door and give up on him if he says yes. 

It has to be his choice. 

Frankie shakes his head again, a grimace on his face like he feels sick at the thought, and you squeeze his fingers between yours. You need him to understand that he hasn’t failed, that he won’t fail. Tripping up and falling behind are part of the process, and you know he knows that. He’s been going to the support group longer than you have. Recovery is messy and far from simple. He’ll get back to where he was, one bad night isn’t going to ruin him.

Your lower back aches from the hardwood floor but you show no sign of discomfort, waiting until Frankie is completely back in his own head before you make any move to suggest where to go from here.

“There’s a drop-off box at the hospital, you fancy a drive?” You keep his hand in yours, terrified that he’ll slip back if you let go. 

God, he hates this. He hates that he can’t even look at you for more than a few seconds without his resolve threatening to crack. He hates that you’re not angry at him for any of it, not even a little bit. He deserves anger, he deserves your disappointment.

You were never supposed to see him like this, that much he’s sure of. Or, he convinced himself of at least. He’s been going to group and therapy and he’s kept up his tests and he’s stayed far away from anything that might even tempt him a little. And that was before you even showed up. Standing awkwardly in the doorway with a nervous smile and eyes the size of dinner plates. But he’d been by your side in a flash, asking you to give him a hand setting up chairs, and that was it. 

Frankie knows the ins and outs of recovery, you don’t need to tell him that he hasn’t failed. But he can’t help feeling like maybe he never really started in the first place, leaving that one bag out of sight. Life had been busy enough to preoccupy him, between everything else he kind of just forgot about it. He let it gather dust and it should have stayed that way. 

And then, it felt like he was falling out of the sky. And he couldn’t do a thing to stop it.

Nightmares aren’t an unusual thing for him, or for any former soldier, but the memories they stem from seem to warp into something else entirely when he’s too tired to pay attention. Sometimes he’s alone in the helicopter, sometimes he’s with family, sometimes strangers. It was his team tonight. A vivid memory of a time he almost couldn’t save them. 

The crash never happened, he knows that. He’d righted the bird and got his team to safety the way he knew he could. But that knowledge doesn’t stop his mind from wandering, from drowning him in fear when he imagines what might have happened had he not done his job. If they’d crashed in the middle of nowhere. Would any of them have died on impact? Would they have been left stranded, wounded and starving? He’s woken up in a cold sweat too many times, each ending more horrific than the last.

Tonight had been the last straw. And Frankie had found himself in his bathroom, patting along the top of the medicine cabinet, before he could even realise what he was doing.

He’d called Santiago, still blinking back images of his best friend’s bloody and lifeless face, just to hear his voice initially. But he hadn’t managed to explain anything past the sob lodged in his throat, and he’d heard the jingle of car keys before he could tell Pope he didn’t need to drive all the way across town at two o’clock in the morning. 

At least nobody had called Will, because that would have meant that Benny would have shown up too. Maybe even Tom would have dragged his ass out of bed. Frankie didn’t need to disappoint all his friends in one night. 

Santiago is bound by friendship, best and oldest, he’d never say anything if Frankie didn’t want him to. And you, you’re bound by- well, you’re not really bound by anything. You could get up off of his bathroom floor right now and never look back. Get to your feet, and walk right out of his life. But you won’t. 

He knows you won’t because you’re still holding tight to his hand, even though the angle and distance has you leaned forward awkwardly. You’re still looking at him like you believe in him, even though he almost threw everything he’s worked so hard for down the drain. You’re here, despite everything. Despite only knowing him for a couple of months, despite getting a call from a stranger at four in the morning, despite everything he’s done to be undeserving of anything good or kind in his life.

You’re here, still, looking at him like he can do anything. That’s something. That’s enough for him.

“I don’t even want to look at it.” Frankie croaks, and keeps his eyes steady on yours even as his voice wavers. To anybody else, he might sound unsure. But you hear that steely determination underneath it all, the same one that’s convinced you to keep moving any time you’ve faltered. 

“That’s okay, I can take it.” You waste no time in snapping the little bag up in your free hand, and stuffing it in your back pocket. A phone rings in the hall, hurriedly answered, and you suddenly remember the other man waiting outside.

Frankie’s still looking at you, dark eyes unsteady and unsure, and you squeeze his fingers to ground him. He comes back to you, slowly, and takes a few shaky breaths. 

“Do you want him to come with, or?” You leave the question open. His choice, entirely, the way everything tonight has been. He lost control for a moment and fought, tooth and nail, to get it back. You can’t take any decision about this away from him.

He shakes his head, loosens his grip on your hand, and asks you to give him a minute. It hurts, leaving him alone on his bathroom floor. But he’ll come out, you’re certain of that much.

“Is-” Santiago cuts himself off when you emerge and pull the door just shy of closed behind you, like he’s afraid to even ask the question. Let alone know the answer.

“He’ll be okay. We’re taking his last stash to the drop-off box.”

Santiago’s whole body sags in relief, and you can’t help but lean against the wall for support yourself. The little ziplock bag in your back pocket is a weight you don’t think you’ll ever stop carrying, even after it’s disposed of, but you’re more than happy to bear it when Frankie steps out of the bathroom and Santiago tugs him into a hug that almost breaks his ribs.

It’s easy to forget, when you get that low, that you have people. But they’ll always show up when you call. 

You leave them to their moment and shuffle back through to the main room, your car keys and phone left on the kitchen counter where you’d abandoned them. You’re not sure why you bother checking your messages, maybe it’s to keep your hands busy, maybe it’s so you don’t feel like you’re intruding on Frankie and his oldest friend. They speak in hushed tones as your thumbnail scratches back and forth across a crack in your screen protector. 

“I’m sorry.” Frankie’s voice is rough, muffled into the other man’s shoulder. 

“Don’t be,” Pope squeezes him just a little tighter before pulling back far enough to look him in the eye, “Be sorry you didn’t tell me they were so pretty.” 

It should feel odd, the way that he speaks as though the last few hours haven’t even happened. How a simple, harmless joke is all it takes for Frankie’s heart to settle. Pope doesn’t hate him, couldn’t hate him, 

“Didn’t I?” A shy, shaky smile settles on his features as Santiago stifles a yawn, “Crash here tonight, you’re not driving anywhere on no sleep.” 

Ever the caretaker, even in the wake of his worst moments. It’s a hard habit to break after all they’ve been through. Something tells Frankie, even as Pope relents and walks through to the living room to find a blanket and settle on the couch, he’ll still be awake once they get back. 

You’re quiet when he follows you out of his apartment, quiet as your footsteps echo in the stairwell, quiet when you cross the street to your car and unlock the doors. Part of him still worries that you’re disappointed, that you’re angry or upset or that he’s fucked up so bad that you’ve already decided to drop him home without a word and he’ll never hear from you again.

But another look at you out of the corner of his eye as you plug your seatbelt in disproves any other theory he might have. You’re quiet because you know that he doesn’t need you to talk, that he just needs you right here beside him so he can be brave enough to take the next step.

The radio is playing some acoustic, folky sounding song that neither of you have heard before, and it’s comforting to just sit and absorb the peace of the night as you drive. You’re conscious of Frankie’s eyes on you, although you’re sure he’s trying to be subtle about his staring. His seemingly unwavering attention does little to quiet the voice you’ve been hearing in the back of your mind for the last few weeks.

He still can’t quite believe it. That you’d wake up, in the middle of the night, and haul ass across town for him. For him. Something about it somehow makes ribcage feel like it's about to burst and cave in at the same time. But now is definitely not the time to be thinking about the tiny baby crush he may or may not be developing on you. 

You don’t miss the way he tenses when you pull into the hospital parking lot, muscles locked so tight that a stiff breeze could shatter him into pieces. He turns to you when you say his name softly, and his eyes are wide with a terror so familiar that your heart breaks in your chest.

“I can’t do it.” He chokes the admission out like it’s poison, and in just four words you can hear every ounce of hatred he has for himself in this moment. He thinks he’s weak, because he can’t even throw a little plastic bag into a hatch, because he can’t even bring himself to move. 

“That’s okay. Did you want me to?” You offer, it’s plain as day on his face that he doesn’t know how to ask you.

You’re grateful for the unusual warmth of the night when you step out of the car, comfortable enough not to need a jacket at this time of day. The sky is just starting to turn that odd shade of blue-grey, the barest hints of dawn on the horizon. Another day, just like tomorrow will be. Sometimes, the next day is all you can hope for. 

The metal handle is cold when you wrap your hand around it and haul the creaky hatch open, you fish the bag out of your pocket and don’t even pay it a second glance as you set it on the little shelf and let the door snap shut. Gone. But you can still feel it eating away at you, you can still see how it weighs on Frankie’s shoulders when you shuffle across the concrete and climb back into the car.

He says he’s not hungry when you ask, and you don’t push it. He’ll eat when he’s ready. He’ll live when he’s ready. You don’t mind, you’ve got a better idea anyway.

“Where are we going?” He asks when he realises you’re heading completely the opposite way from his apartment building. You shoot him a smile, turning your eyes back to the road before you can read too far into the look in his eyes. 

The beach is dead, just like you thought it would be, and you’re grateful as you shut off the engine. 

“We are gonna throw rocks in the sea.” You say and part of him wonders if you’ve always known exactly what he needs. 

If someone had told Frankie, twenty four hours ago, that he’d be skipping pebbles on the sea with you at sunrise, he would have laughed. But here he is, flecks of the rising sun on the sea reflecting on your face, and you’re smiling at him like that as a breeze ruffles his hair. Maybe this is all he needs to find the courage to stare right down the barrel of his faults. He doesn’t know how you do it, maybe you can do it together.

You reach over and take his hand when you spot the lone tear tracking its way down his cheek. 

“You’ll be alright. I promise.” You smile just as the sun finally breaks fully over the horizon, sky streaked with orange and pink. 

“Yeah, I know.” Frankie can’t help but smile back.

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