#it is absolutely important for me to know about the injustices i will face in life becaus of who i am

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hello! I’m curious to know if you listen to Hozier? Since his music also gives literary and it’d be interesting to know what you think!

Hello! Thanks for the ask

Hozier is wonderful! I love him!

I think he's incredibly creative, and he clearly knows how to write! He also clearly knows so much about the history of music, art, international politics, and so much more. There's nothing I admire more in an artist than some real intelligence. It shows in his command of the language. I've been listening since "Take Me to Church" went viral. I was absolutely in tears listening to that for the first time.

One point I've been thinking about lately is the way he wrote "Nina Cried Power" and how it's different from the way someone like Taylor Swift name-drops in her music.

The point here is that Hozier has immense respect for the people he mentions in the song, his obvious knowledge and respect for these people is ever-present. He thematically connects them from the perspective of their own lives into the message of the song. Meaning that it is the type of song they would co-sign. It's so moving for this very reason, it's like the people in his song are singing with him. In "Nina Cried Power" he's clearly using southern-inspired gospel-esque blues to sings about the way in which civil rights activists, and those musicians who broke the chains away, sang their activism into life. It's so lovely for him to use musicality stemming from Afro-American culture to sing about the major civil rights activist and artists from the era. He's literally brilliant, and I love his perspective on how the US civil rights movement impacted Irelands own civil rights movement. He's fucking brilliant.

And this line brings me to tears, "And I could cry power/ power has been cried by those stronger than me/ straight into the face that tells you to rattle your chains." He's so compelling both in storytelling and in intercultural dialogue. Beautiful. And how beautiful it is to remind us that no matter the location, your words and actions matter- activism matters. Power is with the people.

What a writer- what a message to send. Especially these days, when so many major public figures are refusing to speak on current events. How important it is to remind the public that there is no real reason to not speak up in times of injustice.

As opposed to Swift who can only name-drop people like Dylan Thomas in relation to being able to self-deprecate. Her impulse towards self-obsession shows in how she even represents the lives of others as ultimately being about her. It shows an immense disrespect and obvious distain for the people she writes about. She clearly only thinks about others when considering some hierarchal form of self-adulation. People are either better or worse than her- however, it is always about her. Dylan Thomas was an incredibly vocal activist and revolutionary spirit in his day, and Swift puts him in a cheap shot about herself? Painful, stupid, gag. Thomas was an avowed anti-fascist during the rise of the most horrific fascist regimes we've ever seen; as such he would be horrified at being eulogized by someone like Swift who lives and breathes money and power. I wish I could go back in time and unhear her besmirching his name.

Dylan Thomas would love Hozier though :) And so do I!

But anyway, I could totally write some literary criticism on Hozier, and you know what- it would be amazing because he is rich texture to dive into. His command of metaphor and mimetic technique is honestly so impressive! That actually sounds really fun and is totally on my to-do list now :)

[your-greatest-queen]

I just saw a body positivity post mentioning the inclusion of folks with missing limbs and it kinda surprised me? In all my life, it never occurred to me that missing limbs would be considered weird or unattractive.

I think that's because I have family and know people with missing arms, legs, fingers, toes, etc. and so it was normalized for me very early on. Nobody ever made a nasty comment to my uncle about his missing leg. I never saw anybody look disgusted by my bestie's ex-brother-in-law's missing arm. I've never seen or heard these bad things, and so I've never looked at these bodies in a different way.

And this is a prime example of why normalizing and positively portraying things in life and media are so important.

If everyone was exposed to fat, queer, poc, disabled, mentally ill people, and more from the very beginning with little to no negative themes, imagine: how would we all think and behave?

It would be incredible. Fat kids could grow up not being embarrassed about changing for gym in the same room as their classmates. Kids in wheelchairs wouldn't be looked at with constant concern or pity. Queer kids wouldn't have to go through the possible trauma that comes with the idea of coming out.

As they get older, they would start being introduced to media that shows the struggles of their minority group(s). Yes, neurodivergent and mentally ill people need to know the ways in which life may treat them. They need to know that they may be denied a job or be looked down on purely because of their mental health. But as kids? Why would they need to feel embarrassed about admitting that they're depressed, bipolar, autistic, etc? All that would do is make their mental health worse. And of course, that logic doesn't apply to everyone. Black kids will still experience racism as kids. But that just means they need to learn about their oppression. It doesn't mean they need to only be exposed to negative media or media where black kids are watered down to nothing but victims. It took me YEARS to see a film with a black protagonist whose whole arc wasn't only their oppression. Please show us media where the oppressed aren't just oppressed.

It would be incredible if these things were normalized so that kids could enjoy childhood without the weight of the world on their shoulders. Learning about the stigma surrounding who they or their friends are can come later, once they've already developed positive, or at least neutral opinions. And I don't mean near adulthood like I was with the missing limbs thing. No, I mean kids don't need to bear these weights when they're fucking five years old. By five, I already thought missing an arm was totally normal, but that being chubby was the worst thing I could do. No matter how much bullshit I hear about folks with missing limbs, my thinking isn't going to back up. I don't have to unlearn anything here. I already have positive views pertaining to those kinds of bodies, so anything negative I may hear will only educate me. Fat bodies though? I've had to unlearn everything.

If we could give kids media and change the way we talk about the world, we could instil positive views in them early on, boosting their confidence and making the world better for other minorities. When the time comes that they need to really be educated on the negatives, they will be just that. Educated.

These kids would all grow up to be adults who don't look down on each other or themselves. There could come a day when we wouldn't even have to teach them fear and hatred. If all of these kids grew up like this and then raised their own kids like this, there could come a day when we don't have to tell the little gay kid that he could be beaten in the street for daring to hold a boy's hand or the poc kid that they could experience the same just for having a different skin colour.

Imagine a world where we could tell our kids "this is your history, it has not always been good" rather than "this is your life, be careful."

There's so much that needs to go into creating change, but normalizing things is such a huge part of it.

Imagine a world with minority groups being so normalized and accepted that it doesn't even occur to anybody that they've always been considered different.

Imagine.

[the-cryptographer]

Fenris's anger towards Danarius in act 1 is so deceptive. Not that it doesn't exist - it definitely exists, is very real and all-consuming. And Fenris definitely creates a very logically sound argument for why it exists and why Danarius deserves to die and why it would be incredibly insulting to just pay Danarius for his own freedom - ie. the institution of slavery is evil! after everything he's taken from me, why does he also deserve my money?! (Absolutely a fair point. But nevermind that Fenris knows perfectly well that Danarius is already extremely wealthy, and already expending a far greater amount of money having him tracked and hunted and brought back alive than Fenris could ever hope to match.) And I think it all distracts from the fact that Fenris is just not a very ideological person and isn't actually motivated by ideological ideals. Which is what makes him a sensible and reasonable and pragmatic person (unlike Anders who is 100% fuelled by outrage against injustice in the face of every practical impossibility to his plans, and is thus insane (i say this affectionately, please keep your Anders hate/salt off my post)).

There's just a very practical reason that Fenris is so angry in Act 1 and I think it's that his anger is one of a very few things that's keeping him from going back to his abuser. Like, Danarius has gone out of his way to make as sure as possible that Fenris's time as a man free is as miserable and uncomfortable as being his slave, if not more. When you meet Fenris, he's being chased across the filthy backwaters of Southern Thedas by bounty hunters, hounded and paranoid and unsafe at every turn, without access to adequate food or housing or medical care, incredibly lonely and entirely without allies (and who would want to ally with him, when it comes with the strife of becoming a target of those bounty hunters too??). He is living a miserable grimy existence, and he knows that the easiest way to make it stop is to give in. To go back to Danarius - let Danarius be the solution to the problem that Danarius created in the first place, entirely with the intention of bringing Fenris back under his control. And the only thing stopping Fenris from doing that is him reminding himself at every inconvinient moment that he's furious with Danarius and the guy made his life hell and deserves to die miserably. And you think so too, right, Hawke?! Tell him you think so too!

So that anger is important, but the things that Fenris said in it also can't really be taken as a literal understanding of his thought process or his actual desires imho. It's just pretty obvious by the time you reach acts 2 and 3, when Fenris has far more in the way of resources and allies and security, that all his conviction and outrage in act 1 about how he'd go and hunt down Danarius and kill the man himself was an extremely empty bit of hot air. His grand plan for dealing with Danarius in act 3 is 'hope that guy has moved on and forgotten about me so I can meet my sister in peace'. Frankly, he doesn't want to kill Danarius - doesn't want to have to. Much in the same way he didn't want to have to kill Hadriana. He doesn't give a shit about revenge or whether or not they deserve it for their magical crimes. It's just that none of these fuckers will leave him the fuck alone to move on with his life.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I've always said that kubota did orihime soooooooo dirty >:( she literally has god powers and they get diminished so harshly... I've always viewed her power as her having the ability to Reject phenomena. In canon she rejects the fact that people are injured. What would happen if she rejected the fact that someone was alive? That someone was in her way? Reject the injustices that led to her and her friends' world being turned upside down. Anyway I love that your hime has the spine she deserves and I'm so excited to be completely normal about aeiwam

Some Important facts about Orihime from canon:

Orihime is the #3 student in her entire (fairly large) high school. Girl Ain't Stupid- if anything, the fact that she's wildly unorthodox in her projects and STILL pulls those kinds of grades and test scores suggests that her teachers are grading her like that because her weird-ass approaches to assignments demonstrate a thorough understanding of the material, so she may actually be smarter than Uryuu, the #1 student who gives me very strong "I'm very good at taking tests and telling teachers what they want to hear, so I can pull good grades even if I have no clue what the subject is" Vibes.

Orihime cooks weird damn food, and enjoys it. She also has strange ideas about what's cute, exceptionally brightly colored clothes relative to everyone else, and does things like get lost following dragonflies for hours on end. Screams sensory processing Weirdness to me. Maybe I'm projecting a bit here, but Sensory processing disorders come with sensory euphoria too- I get to enjoy a huge variety of strange foods and the sound of rain gives me physical joy.

Orihime's best friends* are: -The School's Self-affected "weird boy who might be a delinquent or possibly just insane" guy -A Butch Jock With Anger Issues -The Crafts Club president who has So Much Gender Happening, and also sort-of grew up in a cult -The Giant, scary-looking guy who keeps smuggling small animals into school. -A Genuine sociopath whose family probably has Yakuza Connections -An extremely powerful supernatural being who is like five times her age -Keigo. This is not the friend group of a "Normal"

Taken together, these points form a constellation of THIS GIRL GOT AUTISM. LIKE SO MUCH. LEVEL 999 AUTISM MAGE. She's full of strange joy and magnificently weird and experiencing reality four steps to the left of everyone else AND SHE IS SO, SO SMART.

So in the fic, when she sees Ichigo freaking out because Rukia has been Kidnapped back to Soul Society on Bullshit criminal charges, Orihime does what every autistic person I know does, and immediately begins drafting a Solution.

Namely She begins drafting an extraction plan. She gets slightly in over her head with details about what data they need, how much and what kind of resistance they'd be facing etc. etc. until she realizes she needs some concrete answers and, without regard to social conventions like "time" and "Personal space", more or less kicks in the door to Urahara's shop at 2AM, marches directly into his bedroom and starts interrogating him about the civil services in soul society, yes it's weird you sleep naked with your cat sir but I'm not here to pass judgment I'm here to get answers you can put pants on later.

After the resounding success of their operation in Soul Society, the hardest part when Ulquiorra comes to kidnap her and gives her the completely insane circumstances of "you will be invisible and go through walls for 12 hours, prepare yourself." is not vibrating with the absolute mania of the chance to go to Los Noches and FUCK. SHIT. UP.

[lifeiskentastic]

Ken is jealous of gn!Reader (but for absolutely no reason)

Gif by @chriswevans

A/N: Dear anons, I am ofc a lazy asshole, but sooner or later I will answer every request, I promise (if I don't, you can burn me in hell);

Summary: gn!Reader interacts with the Other Ken, unaware of the destructive effect it has on Ken. So destructive that he even tore his bandana (but almost immediately sewed it back on)!

Word count: 711 words;

Enjoy!

Ken was very angry. Ken was very, very angry, irritated, furious and hurt. The whole world had suddenly become one big pile of injustice, betrayal and dishonour. Except for the horses, of course.

Every few minutes he sighed sorrowfully, and every few seconds he remembered you and held back angry tears. How could you talk to Another Ken when you already had one? Ken irratable kicked the sand with his foot, but missed and nearly fell backwards. This made him even angrier.

Ken fell rather than sit down on the sun-warmed sand, his head down on his folded arms in despair. It was too heavy because of... Well, because of the heavy thoughts. Ken couldn't stop replaying in his head that unbearably awful moment when he caught you talking to Another Ken.

His heart, soul, and the bandana he was clutching in his hands with all his fury were bursting at the seams (especially the bandana) as he remembered your laughter. No, your laughter itself was just a wonderful, sonorous sound, the best sound for Ken's ears! The problem was that this charming giggle was caused by a Ken. The Other Ken.

"Hello!”

 “Ha-ha... Oh, Ken, hi!"

And then the Other Ken dared to speak to you again, without giving poor Ken a chance to get a word in. So he ran away leave with his head held high, went to the beach, sat down on the shore and began to sob with bitter nostalgia, remembering the pleasure of his time with you.

Ken would have sulked until dawn if you hadn't come to his hunched figure.

“Ken?”

He didn't answer. In fact, he showed no signs of life at all. Except for resentment, of course.

You sat down next to him, trying to look into his eyes. But Ken's head was turned a perfect 180 degrees away from you.

“If this is about Ken, there's something you need to know.”

Ken's heart dropped to his heels when he heard what he clearly least wanted to hear.

“Actually, he and I have been discussing...”

Ken squeezed his eyes shut as if he was about to be hit. The most insane versions of your words were swarming through his head, but none of them came close to reality. To the raw, harsh reality...

“We were talking about a film night for you.”

“What?”

Ken's eyelids fluttered shut, and he didn't even notice how he jerked his head in your direction. And when he did... Well, judging by his wry grimace as he looked at your adored treacherous face with pain, his resentment was quite deep. However, after the words "movie night", another terrible monster awoke inside Ken: curiosity.

"Yes, silly, me and the other Kens were planning to have a film party dedicated to horses. In your honour. And it was supposed to be a surprise!”

Try as he might, Ken was too happy to hide his big smile. A film? In his honour? Horses?!

Ken stared at you with the most devoted look possible as his smile grew bigger and bigger. In his pleasantly surprised eyes, you could clearly read "I'm sorry I thought bad things about you (but it was your fault too)".  And perhaps somewhere in the secret corners of Ken's unexplored soul, the thought crept in that the Other Ken might not be such a scoundrel after all. But, of course, those were just the secret corners of his unexplored soul and nothing more.

However, even after bringing Ken back to a more positive mental state, you still needed to hear something very important from him:

“Ken, do you... Do you forgive me? I should have told you about my intentions earlier...”

Ken was looking at you with a bit of disbelief, although you could tell from his convulsively trembling lips that he was using all the possible and impossible powers of his plastic facial expressions to keep from smiling.

“Well, if you tell me when the party is, I might forgive you.”

Ken was far from an actor, and you could tell by the way he pouted when he barely found the control not to turn his head towards you again.

“Of course! Tonight.”

In the end, Ken not only forgave you, but also hugged you uncontrollably.

[sumire-no-nikki]

Feb Reads, March Hopes

It feels as if I have stepped over a threshold.

Captured in these photos are small glimpses of a February savored. Dinners were mostly hot pots born out of desperation to cling onto the fleeting cold, knowing it will soon be too warm for it. From the dining room I watched the sun bleed red-orange, the sun setting later and later as each day passed.

Every year February thaws and a bare March follows. The windows remain open for longer periods of time, birdsong growing louder outside. Nothing is more regular than that. Yet it catches me unaware, without fail. I go to bed at the end of February and open my eyes to a new world as the calendar flips to a new month. I am writing this on my dining table on a slow Saturday and I am filled with sighs.

Truth is, I feel like the spring and summer months require so much of me. It’s too noisy, too crowded. While I love seeing the green and feeling the warmth on my bare skin, I’m a little possessive of the colder months. In the end I am most myself when it's gray outside and there is a storm brewing in the sky. I feel free to roam when I am invisible and the land asks nothing of me. But the time has come to relinquish my Winter solitude and I must now give some of myself to the Earth again. Here I am reluctantly facing March, daring to be optimistic but remaining cautious. I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself: what will grow in my garden this year? What will I sow? In what way will I bloom into change?

That all sounds melancholy, but really February was a good month, and March holds important events that will open possibilities for me. I am excited in a lot of ways though equally anxious because, well, that is just the way I am.

Now, indulge me. I have a lot to say about the books I read this month!!

1. The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller

I devoured this one. It’s my friend H’s favorite book plus I read Circe some years ago so I had high expectations. And wow, I was absolutely floored. I listened to the first half while cleaning the house. I was making my way downstairs when I got to the part where P and A finally confess to each other and I literally had to stop and grasp the bannister. I was so moved by this book I was practically doubled over in pain by the time I got to the end. Such love!! The novel is a celebration of words, honestly. You can feel every brushstroke on the literary canvas with each word—the impasto, the contrast, the movement. Every feeling is so vivid. I’m officially a fan of Madeline Miller. I’m just in awe.

2. Water - John Boyne

This is the second book of Boyne that I’ve read and I’m proud to say he is officially now a member of my favorite authors club. This novel, aptly titled Water, is absolutely gut wrenching in the same way waves take centuries to carve out a cave into a cliff. By that I mean it’s atmospheric, slow, subtle. But it is also relentless and powerful. This book took my breath away despite being rather short.

After finishing this book I went online to look up more of Boyne’s work and discovered that Water is a part of “The Elements” quartet series. The new installment called “Earth” is coming out soon and I’m excited to have a new series to anticipate in the coming years! Having read Water and knowing it’ll be a quartet, I can’t help but compare it to the “Seasonal Quartet” series by Ali Smith. I have a thing for quartets, alright. There’s something about a thematic and symbolic collection of stories. It’s so ripe with imagery and it gets my mind sprinting with ideas, especially if it’s tied to nature like Boyne and Smith’s respective quartets are. I will say that even with just one book out of the planned quartet, John Boyne’s is more approachable than Ali Smith. I find it difficult to suggest Ali Smith to people in my life because she requires a lot of effort and time. Both quartets deal with contemporary injustices and complex societal issues in their own way, but I find Boyne’s attempt at this a little more accessible. Highly recommend this one!

3. Divine Rivals - Rebecca Ross

An out of my comfort zone pick as it’s YA, fantasy and romance—the three of the four genres I struggle with (the fourth one being sci-fi). But Rebecca Ross is the one author I trust when it comes to fantasy, and she has never let me down.

I associate a lot of good memories and feelings with Rebecca Ross books. Some years ago, I was living in the south and frequented this particular indie bookshop in the historic district. One Sunday, I was browsing the fantasy section of that bookshop, just because I had nothing better to do. My eyes landed on a book called “Sisters of Sword and Song,” which is one of the few in that section that wasn’t all black with a jagged angsty font on it. The blurb was intriguing enough, I read the first two pages and found it pleasant, so I purchased it. I bid the bookstore cats goodbye and drove home to enjoy it. Sure enough, when I got back to my apartment, the book sucked me in. It’s a fantasy world but the aesthetic and world building is heavily rooted in Ancient Greece so my imagination went wild reading it. I remember really enjoying the book and making a mental note to read more Rebecca Ross. That was some years back when she only had three books out. Now it seems she has become more popular with eight books under her belt.

Going into this new duology of her I must admit I had quite the expectation. But I am happy to say that the verdict on Divine Rivals is: it’s great. I was not disappointed at all. I was hooked within the first twenty pages! The romance got a tad too cheesy and sweet near the end but I enjoyed the characters a lot. I’m still reeling from the slow burn, enemies-to-lovers feast I had last year from The Mirror Visitor series by Christelle Dabos. Divine Rivals has allowed me to keep that enjoyment going with Iris and Roman. I’m going to read the sequel to it this month and see what I feel about the duology as whole. But for now, I will say I enjoyed it!

4. The Reckless Oath We Made - Bryn Greenwood

The fourth and final book of February is a novel by Bryn Greenwood called "The Reckless Oath We Made." I’ve read a Bryn Greenwood book before, a controversial book titled "All The Ugly and Wonderful Things" that I randomly picked from the book section of a Target. I enjoyed that book a lot actually and it’s a good example of why imposing moral judgements on an author and policing the events in a fictional work will corrode general literacy. I won’t go into it here because that’s a topic for a different (lengthy) post. For now I will say that "The Reckless Oath We Made" is great and as expected from a daring writer like Greenwood. Not as compelling as her preceding work, but this one is just as intellectually stimulating. I find literature that combines unlikely pairings to be so meaty. I like the feeling of being tested, learning new ways to empathize and understand. This book did just that by presenting characters that have aspects that aren’t socially easy to digest. But most importantly, the book did not require them to become “normal” in the end and in doing so demonstrates the radical power of acceptance. I thoroughly enjoyed this read.

If you couldn’t tell yet, I’m really happy with my reads this month. I’m not the type to be strict about what book I want to read next. (Odd, now that I think about it, because I’m as Type A as it gets on just about everything else.) When it comes to reading, I prefer to go with my mood. At any rate I have a small pile of books next to my reading chair so one of those will be the lucky book.

I’ve written quite a bit, haven’t I? I’m waiting for lunch to finish reheating (it’s just leftover Japanese cream stew). I say lunch but it’s closer to an early supper at this point. I spent most of the morning cleaning the house and playing with my cats. As for tomorrow, I have nothing planned for once so I think I will uncover the backyard furniture and give my bike a tuneup in preparation for Spring. Sometime next week, whenever it’s sunny enough, I will ride my bike to an Edeka and pick up some tulips and Roggenbrot. I haven’t done that in a while. Oh, the new Faye Webster album came out yesterday so I’m going to give that a full listen (and a couple of repeats if I’m honest because I love her, haha).

For now I leave you with some savory dango I made some days ago. (It was a bit chewy and needed a bit more kneading. I’ll make them better next time!) Plus, a song by my favorite artist, Siv Jakobsen. It’s from her latest album, Gardening, and was the lead single. It's a song that, at least to me, represents a bittersweet Spring. The album came out last year, but this song itself was released in April(?) of 2022! How bizarre. I swear it doesn’t feel like two years ago.

Anyway, I’ve already mentioned earlier that March is a month that will decide certain changes for me for reasons I do not want to disclose yet because I feel like I might jinx it. But I hope that the next time I write, it will be filled with good news and anticipation. My fingers are crossed!

Cheerio!

P.S.: I've just realized that every single photo I’ve taken and posted of me walking consists of a long skirt and a pair of DMs. I swear I’m capable of wearing other clothing and shoes lol, this is just, evidently, my go-to getup. It doesn’t have to say anything about me, but I’m the type to wonder anyway!

[foggysirens]

let’s talk about andor and dread because this last episode has me reeling.

from start to finish this episode was a study in dread, keeping you on that line masterfully the entire time, never letting you catch your breath for one second, even in the most innocuous of scenes.

the prison scenes are harrowing, the build up of cassian being sent somewhere they won’t explain, the cuffs locking him in place and then the taking of their shoes. how when the guards walk in with their big boots you just know something awful is coming. and then the absolute gut punch of reality when we hit the work floor was enough for me to have my head in my hands, watching the clear commentary on the prison industrial complex and capitalism. the work or die frenzy. the prisoners locked away and forgotten, how desperate they are to hear if people are talking about the injustice being done against their sentences only to realize crushingly that they aren’t. how true that echoes in our world when it comes to the incarcerated. and then with the shot of cassians day counter, they days slipping by like nothing as he sits there, empty. and then each shot of their bare feet on the floor just made your stomach sink more because you understand the stakes for them here. how vulnerable and unprotected they are. how intensely you feel for them when something stalls, that lump in your throat. work or die. work or die. and cutting those scenes with mon mothmas party just helps to serve in the underlying feeling of dread. going from the militant, uniform, sterile scape of the prison and suffering to the opulent, lavish coruscant elite makes you feel like you’re walking up the stairs in the dark and missing one.

how we then jump to ferrix and bix and it is just one blow after the other of watching her desperately try to signal luthen. watching her step outside and hearing the signals chime. watching paaks son yell for his father. watching her sprint, fleeing from the empire and it all just builds and builds this awful, beautiful thread of dread that wraps you up and pulls you along. it’s dark and real and when we see her and dedra come face to face, hear dedras sinister ‘hello, bix’ it all comes crashing down and we are left with the dread of what will happen to her.

and like i said, not once in this entire episode are you left without that sense of dread. left without that clarity that what’s happening on screen right now is so, so important. and i think it’s a feat because not many shows are able to do that, suspend that level of dread and fear and unease for such a prolonged period of time and still keep its pace and storyline, but andor is again succeeding. because that is exactly what what is needed for this episode to just drive home just how dire the stakes are for our characters right now. it’s done with purpose. it works and it’s so so good.

it’s a type of storytelling that plays right into the human nature of being unable to look away. they don’t want you to. sit in the dread and unease of this episode that feels a little bit too much like real life and then come back for more next week.

andor has been phenomenal so far, but this episode was on another level.

[starstruckunknown-princess]

Lilac - Jamie Tartt x F!OFC

Lilac (Syringa) - Meaning: First Love, Reminiscence

Summary: Jamie Tartt and Katie Archer were childhood best friends and had planned their futures together, but what happens when childhood ends and it's time to face reality?

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!OFC Katie Archer (NO physical description other than a name)

Word Count: 1371

Warnings: Language, takes place mostly pre-show, childhood idealism gets shattered, Jamie's anxious/angry reaction is slightly violent (NOT against reader), mention of Jamie's dad being a crap parent, enduring childhood love

Day 3 of the In Bloom Writing Challenge! I originally wanted this to be a whole series, but couldn't find the right way into it so I condensed it into a short fic. Also, this is my first ever Ted Lasso fic! That show is pure dopamine, I swear. Perhaps a teammate or coach of Jamie's will appear in his own fic later this month? Who knows? Oh wait, I do :D

In Bloom Masterlist

Comments, Likes, Reblogs are always appreciated! Thanks for reading! <3

9 May, 2009

Jamie Tartt and Katie Archer’s Unbreakable Life Plan To Remain Friends Forever

Become pro footballers (in the same city but not on rival teams or they’ll make us stop being friends)

Marry the fittest people we know (models, actors, or royalty ONELY)

Have neighboring houses with a pool that goes across both our backyards and a football pitch

Katie can have as many cats and dogs as she wants and Jamie can’t say anything

Jamie can wear whatever he likes and Katie can’t make fun of him

Our partners have to be best friends too

Our mums will live in our pool houses when they get old

And, the most important rule of all!!!! 

8. Any changes to this life plan MUST be discussed with your best friend, OR ELSE!!!

Signed,

Jamie Tartt 

Emily Archer

_________________

21 March, 2014

“Who is this? And what has she done to kick Renaldo off the wall?” Katie asked, holding the corners of the poster while Jamie taped them. 

“This,” he said, rolling the poster down to reveal the blonde girl holding two footballs in front of her bare chest, “is me future wife, Keely Jones.” 

“But I thought you were going to marry Heidi Klum and I would marry Orlando Bloom? That way we’d be the Klum-and-Blooms,” she joked, referring to their life plan since they were eleven. 

“‘Course I remember, babes, but I think Keely here is more of a sure thing. ‘Sides, she’s closer to our age.” He taped the bottom corners to the wall and stood back, admiring the poster while Katie flopped onto his bed. 

“As long as you’re sure,” she shrugged, opening her maths book. 

A football materialized and Jamie started dribbling, “Wanna go kick the ball ‘round?” 

“No, big test tomorrow, remember?” 

“Dunno why you’re bothering with that,” Jamie fell on his back on his bed next to her, “Don’t need school if you’re gonna be a footballer, yeah?” 

“Even if I played half as well as you, we both know I’d get less than half what you’d make as a footballer,” she said, rolling her eyes at the injustice of unequal pay. 

He rolled over and flipped around so they were parallel to each other and threw his arm over her shoulders, “Don’t worry, babes, I’ll loan ya cash if ya need it.” 

She giggled and shoved him off her, “Well how will you know how much I end up owing you if you won’t study your maths?”

“Fine! Five minutes to study, then we go work on your football skills. Maybe you’ll get so good you can play for a men’s team and get paid what you’re worth.” He smiled at her and she rolled her eyes at him. He was too charming for his own good sometimes. 

_________

5 August 2016 

Jamie perched on the edge of her mattress, absolutely gobsmacked at the news she just shared. “You’re fuckin with me, right? You…you’re just messing with me.” 

“No, ‘m not. I’m going to university,” she confessed, squeezing his hand that she held in both of hers to try and comfort him.

Instead, Jamie looked at her like she’d just confessed to being Jack the Ripper. “But, we were…what about the scouts from City?”

“I turned them down.” 

Jamie exploded then, yanking his hand out of hers, shooting up from where he sat next to her and began pacing. He crossed and uncrossed his arms, ran a hand through his hair, pulled at the strings of his hoodie. His limbs felt like they were too full of electricity.

“So what, all these years, all the plans we made, just fuckin’...don’t matter to ya anymore?” 

“You mean the completely unrealistic plans we made when we were kids? Become top footballers, marry some fit fuckin’ models, have adjoining houses with a pool going across both backyards? Come on!” 

That was the twist of the knife. 

“Fuck you, ya know that? I’ve wanted that all this time, believed in it! It’s all I’ve been workin’ toward since we came up with it! And you just go and fuck up your half…how’m I gonna do it without ya?” 

She reached out for him again but he backed as far away as he could in her small bedroom. “You’re incredible, Jamie, you’re so talented and you’re gonna go far. But it’s not for me.” 

“You mean I’m not for you.” 

“What? Jamie, you’re my best friend!”

“That’s not…we were…fucking FUCK!” Jamie’s brain felt like it was full of fire ants and his stomach lurched. He kicked a hole in the drywall before slamming her bedroom door on his way out.

The very fabric of their friendship had torn and there was no going back. If she didn’t care about him the way he cared about her, then fuck it. He didn’t need her, he would be the best fuckin’ footballer Man City had ever seen and she’d have to watch from wherever it was she ended up, hopefully somewhere miserable. 

He didn’t speak to her for the rest of their break. He didn’t see her off when she moved her things into the dorms. He never responded to her ‘Congratulations!’ text after his first game with Man City. 

The only response she ever got were three dots, appearing and disappearing. 

And then, nothing.

____________

August 5, 2021

Slipping off his jersey, Jamie couldn’t help but think about her. After all this time, he still remembered why he’d chosen 9 as his number. It was hers, her lucky number, her birthday in November, only 20 days after his. 

They’d grown up together, their mums having met at work and becoming best friends. He sometimes heard about Katie’s life on his phone calls with his mum but he hadn’t really listened to any since Katie had decided to give up on their friendship, on their life plan — the one they had come up with together when they were eleven so they’d never have to be apart.

Katie had seen how difficult it was for him to deal with his dad’s frequent appearances and disappearances and wanted him to know she would always be there for him. At the time Jamie had only gone along with it because she insisted that he could have whatever he liked in their future — it wasn’t until she’d announced that she was going to Uni that he realized the only thing he truly wanted from that list was their future. 

Together. 

He didn’t care much what it looked like, as long as it was theirs. As long as she was there at the end of every day. Which is why it devastated him when she left. Why he’d thrown himself into training and took his new life as a football star for granted as much as he had. 

Now that he was back at Richmond and apologized for his behavior, she’d been on his mind more and more.

Did he pop into her mind ever? Had she been following his career? Seen him embarrass himself on that stupid fucking dating show? 

It had only been five years but if he ran into her now, would they even recognize each other? 

It was a sad thought to have about someone he was once so close to — someone he, deep down, knew he had loved, and even deeper down, knew he still loved. It wasn’t like the love he had for Keely, his only long-term relationship amongst the revolving door of fit women he’d dated.

He wished he could describe it better than ‘a love I grew up with,’ or ‘love I didn’t even know was love at the time,’ but alas, Jaime Tartt was no poet.

He finished his post-training routine and made his way out into the summer night. On a whim, he decided to walk home. He needed time to think. About a block away from his house, he pulled out his phone and let his finger hover over ‘Contacts’ but he thought better of it and tucked his phone away. 

Only to pull it out again a few steps later and press her contact before he could chicken out. 

“Here goes nothin',” he said to himself as the phone rang.

[mikaelasgraveyard]

something I really love about tgcf is that like, yes its a romance and the romance IS the highlight of the story and everything in it follows along the path to that romantic ending, but I just love how the writing get you to really fucking care about that romance

“that’s a super common thing in romance stories bro” i KNOW but just come walk with me for a second. I love that the story takes us on xie lian’s journey through his third ascension but also through his past that is infinitely fucking important to the present. we have to sit for such long flashbacks within the books where xie lian just gets kicked to the ground and dragged through the dirt like non fucking stop. we see him at his greatest and we see him at his absolute fucking lowest. we are rooting for this poor fail man and feeling all those injustices he faces in our hearts and just fucking. wishing for things to go his way for once and .. by god thats what we get through the romance

we the reader are like sooo fucking aware that hua cheng knew xie lian from ages ago (at least likely aware, it didn’t seem like it was Really a well kept secret) from back in book 2, and then near the end of the book we find that !! not only did he know him as a kid and a teenager in the army but after he died he stayed around JUST for him, and even though he couldnt do much he was there through literally those worst moments of xie lian’s life and fast forward hes still there. devoted as ever after building an empire all in the name of his love and it’s. GOD it was so fucking satisfying to learn.

xie lian deserved that passion and devotion and jsut straight up love after all that bullshit. he went through hell and on the other end of it, after years and years of stumbling through barren wastelands on his own he gets to finally fall into the arms of someone that practically turned the term unconditional love into reality and EMBODIES it. he gets to find out how easy happiness can be. someone to eat his shitty food like how he’d eat his mother’s. someone that was there and saw him so fucked up and through it all loved him all the same and even felt that pain with him … bro deserved the world after everything and got someone that would do fucking anything to give him just that, if not literally then whatever the hell could be closest and i just love it SO much

[ryttu3k]

Thoughts on His Dark Materials 3.07 and 3.08 - The Clouded Mountain and The Botanic Garden. Spoilers for the entire series, both TV and book!

Will be going through the tags tomorrow. Blacklist 'hdm spoilers' if you want to avoid!

Lyra’s 'fall': Honestly the whole story scene was... almost perfect, I kind of wish Mary had mentioned her first kiss and the marzipan connection when she was younger. But man, just the way she's telling the story, the way Lyra seems so completely entranced, how she and Will are both very clearly cognizant about how this will be relevant to their own lives... It's such an important scene, and aside from wishing Mary had mentioned the connection to that first kiss, that first memory, it was done beautifully.

Mrs Coulter and Asriel: Who gave Ruth Wilson the right to make me literally cry over Marisa Coulter, thank you, that is rude. God. The combination of lying for her life but also grabbing onto the bit of truth in there - she probably was being honest when she said she hated how loving Lyra felt. She had been transformed by her love, but it was awful to her. She had been completely in control, and now there was someone else she would live for? Disgusting, could not recommend. ...and she still made that decision in the end. 'Cesspit of moral filth' she may have been (and she was! She was objectively an awful person!), but that seed of love still was stronger.

Asriel's speech was genuinely emotive. Asriel having to confront himself was fab. I like the detail how Mrs Coulter already knew who she was, so she faced Metatron directly, but Asriel had to go through that mental battle first to get to the point where he could act.

And goddamn, no words for the actual Abyss scene. No words. It was beautiful and I literally cried, especially when Mrs Coulter's expression just became almost peaceful and resigned instead of that snarl, and oh god the scene of Lyra and the monkey reaching out to each other. Like, yes, the relationship was... tense, but I think Lyra knew, at that time, that her mother loved her. In the end, she loved her.

The final battle: It's not... really over, is it? They've defeated the Kingdom of Heaven, yes. They've defeated Death, with a door that will always be open now, that will always be an escape. But the Magisterium - and other forces in other worlds, like the Temple in Ogunwe's world - still exist, and frankly, they weren't exactly acting on evidence of Metatron in the first place. They've stopped death, but the Republic of Heaven is a hell of a long way away. The Magisterium is still going to act under the Authority's name, and who cares if he's dead?

(As a side note, it does amuse me how just... blase that is. "Huh, here's a weird box. Huh, there's an old man inside. Oh, he dissolved. That was odd. Let's move on." Similar level of blase in the book, too, so that was entirely accurate. They just killed God nbd. I do have further thoughts on how that scene was handled, see below in the 'as a standalone series' section, but I'll go into that there.)

The daemons: Okay back to the monkey. God he really was Mrs Coulter's soul, wasn't he? In the beginning, he showed a lot of the cruelty and animalistic anger and emotion that she never let herself show, got to be nice, good, respectable. Never mind her screaming anger at the injustice of her life, she'll never let herself even acknowledge it. She'll bury it down. She'll hurt it. ...and then she starts to change. And then she starts to love, and feel vulnerability. And then her daemon goes from demonstrating her suppressed rage, to demonstrating her suppressed love, because both are just as dangerous when you need to be in absolute control of yourself and your emotions. Honestly, that's why I loved that scene of the two of them from 3.06 so much - it was Mrs Coulter beginning to come to terms with herself, with everything she's pushed on to her daemon over the decades, to recognise they're a part of her too. And when she goes to meet Metatron, she knows that even though she's locked everything tightly down again, that part of her still exists. It's through her daemon that she's able to give Lyra one final message - that she's loved.

For the others: Kirjava my beloved I audibly gasped when I saw her sweet little face! Just a little darling, and I'm glad Will has her now. Also may have squealed a bit when Mary's showed up. "There you are!" Stelmaria, and joining in on the battle without hesitation, because even if Asriel ignored his own daughter, Stelmaria has always loved her and Pan. And Lyra and Pan - the reconciliation, where Pan was being stubborn as hell, of course he was, he's Lyra's soul, but there was just that longing from both of them... Honestly, I am nervous, since I've heard that things don't really get any better in Book of Dust, but for now it's just that sweet little reunion, where it was just that easy, honest, "I love you" because they both wanted to be back together so badly.

Mary: God I love her. I want her to be my cool aunt. She was curious and compassionate and warm, she looked after those two lost kids, she talked to them as adults. I did feel genuinely sad for her, having to leave a world she so obviously loved, but I suspect she'll do fine afterwards. I think Simone Kirby was my favourite cast member after Ruth Wilson?

(Also, she's queer! Hell yeah.)

Lyra and Will's love: Super unpopular opinion that may be coloured by being aro af here, but... I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that they separated, and I don't think they were necessarily each other's One And Only True Love For Ever And Ever. The prophecy wasn't about a true love's kiss restoring Dust. It was about making that decision to experience. Yes, first love can be powerful, but it's not the be-all and end-all, and if one or both ended up falling out of love, finding someone else, living the rest of their life with them, being able to love them wholly and entirely, with Lyra/Will just being a fond early memory... that's okay. You're not bound forever to the person you had your first kiss with when you were fourteen.

I don't know. It just strikes me as odd and kind of uncomfortable that so many people say that they're True Love Forever. They're kids, experiencing their first romantic relationships, with all the emotional highs, Big Feelings, and, er, screaming awkwardness ("Er... you know, Dust and, uh... trees." Oh Will). They could very well move on. It happens, and it doesn't lessen the fact that they restored Dust through their choices. It was right for them then.

I will now bravely submit to being tarred and feathered, haha.

That said, the 'every atom' speech, that last kiss through the window, the montage of them meeting in the park... I was sobbing.

(Also, honestly, from how lonely Lyra looked returning to Oxford. Will is back with his mother, and he has Mary in the same city. He has support structures. Lyra has lost both parents, complicated feelings and all, she's lost Roger, her best friend, and she's lost Lee, who loved her like a daughter. She still has Iorek and Serafina, but Iorek is likely preoccupied in Svalbard, and Serafina probably has Witch Things to do. Lyra only has Pan.)

The HDM series as an adaptation: So, now some thoughts on how the series did! Looking at it from two different perspectives - how it went as an adaptation of the books, and how it went as a series standing on its own.

As an adaptation, it absolutely made changes, yeah. Did it still feel like His Dark Materials, though? That's the most important part, and in my opinion, yeah, it did. It told a story about how free will and independence and self-actualisation will always defeat the suppression of information and controlling others through fear. It told a story about how it's not a bad thing to grow up and change, that working out who you are is one of the most important tasks you can undertake. It told a story about how what you do in this life is what's important, not promises of a Distant Hereafter. So yeah, in that case, absolutely still a successful adaptation.

Also, let's face it, a lot of the changes they made were just due to the reality of the medium. Yeah, Lyra and Will were older now (Lyra talking about how they ignored her for thirteen years places her at roughly 14-ish by the end, Will is maybe a year older, so they're not twelve-year-olds). That's... pretty unavoidable when you have actors who do inconvenient things like ageing, haha. It still fit the story about that transitional period from childhood to adulthood, it just wasn't literally puberty. And things like showing much more of Mrs Coulter's personal storyline, I think, was an incredible decision, because they had an actor in Ruth Wilson who could absolutelybring it, and it made her one of the most compelling characters to watch I've ever seen. Changes like Lee passing through the door instead of joining the final battle - that worked. Changes like fleshing out Ogunwe's character - that worked, because it showed the influence of the Kingdom of Heaven even in other worlds. Yeah, it's not literally book-exact, but they weren't random changes, they were changes made to fit the medium.

The Lord of the Rings films do this too. They're not exactly word for word, but they still fit the spirit of the story, and the medium, and they're still incredibly successful adaptations that fans of the books can find a lot to love in.

Also, when they do hit things word for word? Goddamn, chills. I'm incredibly glad they kept the 'every atom' speech, because it really does feel like the most sincere declaration a young teenager can make to her first love, and it's sweet and honest and heartbreaking. (I also really liked that they kept the 'cesspit of moral filth' description!)

Definitely wish they had kept the line about creating the Republic of Heaven in their own worlds, though. That's, um, kind of an important theme.

The HDM series as a standalone series: So, as a series? Obviously I can't comment from the perspective of a non-book reader, because, well, I have. (Fun fact! I first read HDM when we first moved here seven years ago. We didn't have internet for two days, so I went, "Well, why don't I have a look at that trilogy I bought for ten bucks at a book fair a few years back?" The internet came back on when I was halfway through TAS. I did not stop reading.)

Just from going by the subreddits, though? Yeah, there are... issues there. Obviously it's brought in a hell of a lot of new fans, a lot who now plan on reading all the books now they've seen the series. But there are enough questions being asked to make me think that maybe the series didn't explain stuff as well as they could have to someone who hadn't read the books. There were so many posts blasting Lyra, mostly, about her decision to go into the Land of the Dead to find Roger, because they saw it as selfish and irrelevant in the scheme of things. (And it was selfish! Lyra acting on her instincts without knowledge of the prophecy is what enabled her to fulfill it in the first place, and the fact that it was a selfish decision just indicates that she's a flawed character! Characters are allowed to be flawed!)

For this pair of episodes, the questions I see over and over were - why do they have to separate, when Will's dad clearly could stay in another world for years (because the series didn't sufficiently express that John was actively dying and wouldn't have survived much longer anyway, I feel he should have explained to Will that he had been dying already when he was shot because he was in a different world), and who was that old dude in the box, anyway.

If you're doing an adaptation of an existing series, you really do need to cater for two audiences - the source material fans, and the new fans, and the sheer number of questions people had about elements that weren't fully explained in the series indicates that it may not have completely succeeded in telling a narrative to the new fans.

Still, overall - beautiful job. Not perfect, I'd probably put the series as a whole at 8.5-9/10, but damn, they did the near-impossible, and made a beautiful, compelling TV series out of His Dark Materials. Well done to them all!

[mikuni14]

The Eclipse ep 4

This episode gave me flashbacks from school, I literally had the same situations Ayan had. Not that the whole school was after me, I don't know how I’d have survived it and I absolutely felt how devastating it was for Ayan. But for example, I had situations when the teacher kept asking me questions until I could not answer one of them just to WIN over me. And not only I had such situations, I saw this show of proving “who’s the boss” and the ultimate triumph of the teacher over my classmates so many times in schools that seeing it on the screen I felt sick.

The scene in the teachers room was very important. When the teachers (as the people in power) debate about someone who does not fit the ideal image of the student (seen as someone someone below them, dehumanized). It is especially painful that these adults have a responsibility to care for, support and guide young people so that they feel comfortable in a world that they have created and manage. It was horrifying how everyone was discussing literally what means to use to get this kid to SUBMIT. Either he fits in or he gives up. And this machine of oppression? It starts working immediatelly.

It's amazing that when there’s a need to help someone weaker, vulnerable, there will always be excuses, obstacles are piling up, there is no will to help and no resources. "It's not possible". But when there is an opportunity to humiliate someone, destroy them, take away their hope - then the action is taken immediately, money, resources and ideas flow in a wide stream.

We see it here: the amount of shit that is done to destroy Ayan, and how a single drink from Akk restores his hope. 

I felt a deep connection with Ayan in this episode, he becomes more and more interesting character. He is deeply wounded but still fighting. Although he’s on his mission, he still finds time for others. He's helpful. He sees people. Even being strong and determined, he is still just a kid who, in the face of a massive attack, fights bravely, but also cries because no one is immune to injustice. That lonely tear when he leaned against Akk .. and how his mood vastly improved when he was shown a bare minimum of kindness - heartbreaking.

To make The Eclipse better for me, I started watching it as two series: one about social issues, the other as a highschool romance. It’s just to me the way the Akk/Ayan story is run does not fit with the serious topics the show is trying to address (although Kan and Thua seem to fit it, but they have very little airtime). I feel dissonance when in one episode I see an organized attack on a student and the same student bouncing off the wall and accidentally kissing another boy (omg just whyyy? why did they do that rotfl). That's why two separate series :) I will probably develope paranoia from this :D

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

I actually really like the take abt Rowaelin's interaction in HoF and how it relates to Tamlin's behavior in the HL meeting. I read Heir of Fire and kind of just blanked on the interaction between Aelin and Rowan lol. I know he punched her and that’s it, so I don’t really know anything else on that.

I think the reason people are so quick to condemn people like Tamlin and Rowan for their behavior in these scenes is because their reactions are much more common than the things they’re reacting to. There are a lot of people who’ve been through harmful, abusive relationships where they were faced with physically abusive s/os, and so they find it harder to understand the interaction between the two of them, especially since Rowan and Aelin later end up endgame. Same thing with Tamlin. A lot of people can empathize with how Feyre is debased and humiliated in the High Lord Meeting by Tamlin, but not many people can relate to how Tamlin’s essentially lost his entire Court and all his hard work over the course of the war’s progression.

Not everything’s black and white! What Tamlin said during the HL meeting was unprofessional and not a good thing to say, but he did just lose everything to Feyre’s incompetent actions.

It’s just that people are able to relate to the things that happened to Aelin and Feyre more, so they’re more willing to condemn them. For example, in the Harry Potter fandom, you’ve got people who will ship the MC with a genocidal maniac who they’ve glorified to hell, but you won’t see a single person on Earth saying a single positive thing about Umbridge. And wanna know why? Because not many people can say they’ve been through what victims of Voldemort have been through. But a shit ton of people can say they’ve faced injustice in the face of an authority figure.

Oh absolutely - you're correct about this one for sure. It also doesn't help that in a lot of ways, Aelin and Feyre are meant to be self-inserts. (Aelin has this to a lesser degree and apart from her physical appearance, she's allowed to be her own character with her own motivations; Feyre, however, is just straight up an SJM self-insert married to a character whose meant to resemble SJM's real life husband, who got pregnant in part because of that fact that SJM decided to start having her own kids irl.) They're meant to be somewhat relatable because they're female YA/NA protagonists and therefore they're "role models" for teens and young women. You're meant to project upon them - again, this is especially true for Feyre, the only SJM heroine whose narrative is given in the ultra-initimate first person.

I recently tried to have a discussion on Reddit (my first mistake, I know) with someone who got extremely testy when I pointed out that Rhysand and Tamlin BOTH abused Feyre, and Feyre just decided that Rhysand's abuse was justified while Tamlin's was not. This person immediately came at me with, "Well some of us have actually BEEN thru abuse!! I was also abused just like Feyre!" This person revealed that details of their abuse in their comments. And when I explained that one, I'm absolutely not going to tell an internet stranger my personal experiences with abusive behaviors just for clout on faerie novels, and two, abuse is still abuse no matter why it happens - they just kind of got pissed that I was calling them an "abuse apologist" - which I wasn't.

(Abuse is, in fact, a behavior - which is something i dont see discussed very much. People don't magically become "abusers" because theyre bad evil masterminds; every person alive is capable of abusing. Whether it's a pattern or a one time event, it's still abuse! This is why, in interpersonal relations, it's important to have boundaries and to communicate - and to decide what matters more for you personally: the intent of an action, or the impact or it. This is what nuanced discussion of abuse looks like.)

Writing nuance is tricky and it kinda baffles me that ToG succeeds at it when ACOTAR doesn't seem to want to touch on it. Rowan is allowed to be an asshole and face consequences - so is Aelin. Things work out for her because she's got bad Main Character Syndrome and half her Genius plans are executed off screen, not because everyone automatically falls on their ass to like her and worship her.

The thing with ACOTAR is that it literally tricks you into thinking nuance exists in the story when it's text is presenting the most black and white morality tale imimaginable. (And I'd originally say that it's due to the first person narration but given some of the ass-backwards narrative justifications written into Silver Flames, I genuinely think this is just an issue with SJM-world.) Tamlin can't be justified in his motivations and can't be a victim of abuse or violence because he is Bad. Rhysand had a good reason for hurting Feyre, so she forgives him and considers him a selfless martyr - he is Good and we the readers are also meant to forgive him. Bad people deserve violence and good people commit violence for good reasons, so it's not Real violence and doesn't actually do any harm to anyone who matters.

The thing for me is - then I absolutely can't forgive a man who drugs a girl in order to make her into a toy for his own amusement. The fact that this was written into the love story of the MAIN HEROINE completely breaks my immersion and my ability to relate to her in any way. I cannot imagine falling for someone who is so openly manipulative and cruel no matter what inane supernatural force had linked my soul to this person.

I can, however, absolutely relate to feeling used and experiencing extreme self-loathing and lack of esteem, and wanting to insult people as cruelly as possible while in the depths of despair so that it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of isolation whilst i get to experience a fleeting moment of righteous vindication - which is why characters like Nesta and Tamlin are far more palatable to me than Feyre.

[starryeyedrogue]

good evening, all!

This’ll be a long post. Please stay.

I wasn’t going to post this, but I feel like I should. Tonight’s events (scroll down my blog for a bit. You’ll know it when you see it) have triggered something in me; I’ll probably be posting things like this for a while. However, I won’t apologize for it. I don’t care if I lose followers or get hate, it makes absolutely no difference to me.

To start, I’ll explain a few things about my daily habit. I read the Bible every single day, no matter what. However, I tend to do so before bed (which is admittedly far later than it should be), so I usually read in the dark. The font of my physical Bible is a bit too small for my poor vision, so I use an app. This app, simply called “The Bible,” allows you to set up “plans” and study Scriptures based on what you need (i.e. comfort, anger management, etc etc). The one I’m on now takes me through the Bible in a year and selects random passages for each day, usually 4-5 chapters. I don’t pick what I read for that day/night, it does it for me. Keep this in mind. Now that that’s out of the way: in the years that I’ve kept this habit, I’ve noticed some strange things. When I needed to hear about what’ll happen in the End Times, I was given Revelation and Timothy. When I needed hope, I was given Psalms (my favorites, specifically). The list goes on. Tonight, I was given Peter. The specific passages (3:1-14) were about the suffering Christians will face. I did not plan this. Admittedly, when I opened the app to read, I was absolutely filled with rage at the injustices I’ve seen tonight. I’m not proud of my anger, but it happened.

Anyway, here’s the important bit: reading those passages reminded me that this is to be expected. My fellow Christians -- past and present -- have suffered far worse, but it’s still hard to deal with calmly. I’m sure non-Christians are wondering why we (as Christians) choose to believe and partake in a religion where we are to suffer and struggle. Here’s the thing: we’ll suffer here on Earth because, well, we aren’t made for it! We aren’t supposed to do well here. As my pastor always says, we are to be more like the Creator (God, whose only Son suffered here) than the creature (Satan). That makes us stick out. We behave differently than everyone else (or rather, we’re supposed to) and are usually punished for it. But why do we put up with it? Because we are to be rewarded in Heaven for our efforts. Not only that, but we have eternal hope! God will always be here for us, no matter what. No matter what we do or say, He’ll be there. He loves us so much. He gave His only Son to die in our place, and that’s not even scratching the surface of how much He loves us! As humans, we’ll likely never understand the depth of His love. But once we get to Heaven, we’ll see it and experience it face-to-face. Death doesn’t scare us because we know we’re winning, essentially -- we get to be with our Lord 24/7 for all of eternity! No more disease, suffering, pain, not even a single tear will fall while we’re there. Not to mention the fact that we get to see our loved ones who went to Heaven again, including ones we never met! My stillborn siblings will be there. My grandfather. I have plenty of testimonies that I will likely share tomorrow (whether y’all want them or not lol), but for now, I’m going to pray and go to bed. I’m not sure if any of this will even make sense or even touch any non-Christian hearts, but I pray that it does, even in my messy, poorly-worded, overly-passionate wording. Goodnight, y’all. I truly hope you all come to the Lord and I get to see you in Heaven someday. <3 

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Can’t Take That Away

Author: Steven Salvatore

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | Drama | Music | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Transphobia | Queerphobia | Sexism | Suicidal Ideation

Overall Rating: 9.5/10

Personal Opinion: Carey Parker is an absolute inspiration. But even more of an inspiration are their friends and family. Carey may be the face of a revolution but it’s everyone else that are the leaders. I hold so much respect and adulation for these fictional warriors of justice and it makes me want to fight even harder for myself. 

Couple Classification: Carey Parker X Cris Kostas = Artist X Artist 

Do I Own This Book? Nope.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- My favorite parts of this book are the women. Grams? She’s a badass. Carey’s number one cheerleader and constantly telling people to “give them hell” because she was fighting for women’s rights back in her heyday. Mom? Also a badass. She took her own mother’s teachings to heart and gave the schoolboard hell for their continued negligence toward protecting her kid. Monroe and Joey Cooper? Badasses! They were always there as Carey’s protectors and wanted the best for them while also dominating in their own respective fields of fashion and sports. Phoebe Wright? That bitch. She was the one who led the protest and starred in every musical prior to Carey joining. She is an inspiration and a fighter for justice and I wish I could just have a meal with her. Blanca Rodriguez? A queen! Not only for constantly pumping out anonymous articles fighting against injustice at Sunnyside but also for getting evidence to lock away Max McKagan and Mr. Jackson, even if it was only temporary. Plus, Phoebe and Blanca? Power couple. 

- Oh and I cannot forget about Dr. Potter. She is also a queen for always being in Carey’s corner as their therapist and helping them come out, learn to love themselves, and gather the tools they need to succeed. I also just love mental health experts in general so yeah.

- Thom is so cool too! He’s just chilling at his cafe, simping for Monroe, and offering his own business space (for free!) for the student-led protests. I think he had like one or two lines of dialogue and still, he made such an impact by just being a quiet supporter for LGBTQ+ rights. A true ally. At least, I assume he’s straight. I actually have no idea. He could be bi or pan.

- And Mr. Kelly is such a good teacher too! He was the only one Carey told about their suicidal ideations and it is just so important to me that they had an adult they could trust while at school. An adult that allows them to fully be themself and proud. And his speech about not being an out gay kid when he was in high school but finding courage because Carey is out now just fills me with so much queer joy. Let’s not forget that this whole story started with Mr. Kelly giving Carey their bracelets!

- I have gripes with Carey as a character but they’re pretty much all about how they had handled the Cris thing. Overall, I respect the hell out of them. They are so well-spoken and they knew how to deliver a speech about being a human being deserving of respect.

- It is chilling how Phoebe, a Black girl, saw the police presence at the protest and got nervous. It is unnerving how they all know Mr. Jackson would not have been fired had it not been for Blanca finding out he didn’t have the proper credentials to teach and not for his blatant discrimination. It is just so disgusting but so real. It really does make you tired of fighting. But Carey and the rest of the Savage Six are just so brave and strong to keep at it. Respect.

Dislikes:

- When your mom, your therapist, your besties, and total strangers are all telling you to talk to the boy, you should probably fucking talk to the boy, Carey! It took way too long for them to express their feelings for Cris out loud and the first person to hear it wasn’t even Cris! It was his ex! And they also ran off after going to Carnegie Hall and they didn’t say anything after Cris kissed them and it was honestly so frustrating to read. Like, child, get your shit together!

- Carey is right when they said they fucked up. I don’t blame them for initially giving Cris the cold shoulder but the fact that Cris had apologized every day and sent little gifts and sang a song for him (TWICE) and yet Carey still ignored him bugs me. Nah, if I were Cris and saw him kissing Isaiah, I would’ve been done already. He is a better man than me. God, I read so many stories about Asian men getting screwed over and still putting the happiness of their crushes ahead of themselves. Jay’s Gay Agenda, The Summer of Everything, now this. At least Manuia gave up on his undeserving love interest.

- Fuck Max and his incel ass. Oh my god, there are too many straight white guys that think like him and it makes me sick to think that guys like him are just out there. An evil that is too real.

- Fuck Mr. Jackson too! He’s a whole mess in several senses of the word and I’d like to kick him in the balls.

[independcnt]

sae-byeok + relationship to death and violence

right so... i have no idea how long this meta is going to end up being, nor do i know exactly where i’m going as i’m typing this out, but i never know how to start these things besides just my total stream of consciousness. but the way sae-byeok approaches and reacts (well, more of a lack thereof, really) to violence and death is so important to who she is at her core, so i feel like it’s important to talk about. this is not all-encompassing (i might get more ideas later), general triggers apply, under a read more for length !!

i think it’s easier to start with how she reacts to violence, to death, before we really delve into the why. it is by no means a secret that sae-byeok hides her emotions, keeps them behind a cold and stoic expression. and for the most part, even in the face of violence (like facing off against deok-su) and unspeakable horrors (red light, green light, dalgona, tug-of-war... basically the games in general lol), she keeps a cool façade, stays calm as still water, and doesn’t betray what she’s actually feeling. she’s no stranger to violence and death, far from it, and she faces it head-on with an expressionless stare.

except sometimes... violence does rattle her. there are some circumstances that seem to push her over the edge, put a crack in that stoic armor she puts on to keep herself safe. and the best example of that to me, that really shows the true nature of her character, is when she’s watching deok-su beat player 271 to death.

it’s subtle, but it’s there in her body language: eyes that burn with anger and disgust, taking deep breaths and clenching her jaw to keep that temper under control, the hand that’s gripping the bottle shaking with agitation. she’s pissed off and unnerved and trying her best to keep from showing that. watching this display of violence makes sae-byeok incredibly sick and angry, even more so because there is nothing she can do about it.

this isn’t the first time she’s watched a person die in front of her. hell, this isn’t the first time she’s watched deok-su beat someone to death, and sae-byeok herself has been on the receiving end of his anger on more than one occasion. it’s one of those things that hits a little too close to home because she’s been that person being stomped on by deok-su, so this just really... stirs up a lot of bitter, angry memories that don’t help her already poorly-suppressed temper.

sae-byeok also has an... admittedly confusing but incredibly strong personal moral code. she knows right from wrong and even though the world does not play by those same rules and neither does she sometimes, there are certain things that really, really piss her off. like yes she’s a pickpocket and a thief but she only does it because she feels stuck in a world that’s only ever worked against her and she carries the guilt of it in the back of her mind every day. and she’ll threaten and intimidate to take back a bit of power that she absolutely does not actually have, but to physically abuse someone who didn’t do anything to her, to pick on someone smaller and weaker is wrong and not a line sae-byeok would cross.

so to watch someone weak and desperate get their ass beat, someone who had their food stolen from them and then was beat to death for trying to fight back. yeah, that’s. a little too personal for sae-byeok’s temper to not flare up completely at the injustice of it. at how wrong it is.

and she knows it’s wrong and that she should do something and a part of sae-byeok wants to do something but... all she can do is sit there and watch, trying to choke down all that rage. because when it comes to down to it, sae-byeok absolutely faces violence and death with a general passivity. ( passivity, but not apathy. ) it’s another byproduct of her childhood, a survival tactic learned from growing up in the north, just as much as her stoicism is. she’s been raised and experienced a world in which the people who stepped up to do something got themselves killed for it. got their whole families killed for it. so the safest thing for sae-byeok to do, and what she ends up doing unless her own life depends on it, is nothing. do nothing, or run away.

which, quick aside, means that sae-byeok is not the strongest fighter out there. which, like, duh. sure, she’s street-savvy and tough as fucking nails, but she also grew up malnourished and is still underfed when she makes it south. so when it comes to being involved in violence, despite her often hostile demeanor, sae-byeok would really... rather not be. take, for example, the little bout with deok-su in ep 1: she wants nothing to do with it, tries to avoid his attacks and doesn’t swing back when she has the chance to. when it comes to physical fights, she is almost always outmatched in terms of raw physical power, so she has to make up for it. instead she relies on her speed/quickness, and plays dirty to give herself any advantage she can. but sae-byeok’s greatest attribute in a fight is hands-down her endurance. her ability to take hit after hit, to take any number of blows and not give up or give in. she may not pack much of a punch, but she sure as hell knows how to take ‘em.

so in a nutshell, sae-byeok reacts to violence and death by not reacting, through her general cold and expressionless demeanor and her not taking actions in spite of that being the right thing to do. and she’s not this way by nature. her experience of growing up in the north shaped her to be this way: growing up under an oppressive regime where fighting back or even just speaking out in any way got you and your family killed. where showing any emotion that could be interpreted as sympathy for traitors could get you thrown in jail. it had a huge influence on sae-byeok and the way she carries herself. she probably watched dozens of people be beaten or killed for any number of mild infractions and she could do nothing, say nothing, not even react to it, because any empathy would be read as betrayal, and thus put her family in danger. and that’s not to mention that this girl just... knows death intimately, has experienced so much of it so close to her. death is familiar and expected, as fucked up as that sounds. and she’s used to death and violence being something that is brushed over by those in power, if they aren’t the ones inflicting it outright

so the way she watches on as gi-hun talks with the guards: curled into herself, fidgeting with the sleeve of her jacket, but otherwise neutral in her expression ( if not a bit... on edge to see how the guards will react to this ). she totally expects the system to be apathetic to this, and she honestly kind of expects gi-hun to Get Got for trying to bring attention to it the way he was, trying to incite outrage.

and like... rayne pointed this out to me once but during the marbles game, when another player is shot dead right in front of them: sae-byeok looks up at it, ji-yeong quickly looks away. and it just got me thinking about how sae-byeok is so used to having to stare death right in the eyes or else it’ll get her too. she hasn’t lived a life where she can afford to look away from those things because it means weakness or sympathy or simply opening herself up to an unexpected attack. for her entire life, death and violence has followed like a shadow scraping at sae-byeok’s heels, and so for her entire life she’s constantly looked over her shoulder at it to make sure it wasn’t coming too close.

which also, side note. makes it that much more fucking painful to me that sae-byeok cannot bring herself to turn around and look at ji-yeong’s before she’s killed. this girl who spent her entire life staring death and violence in the face, whether it was being inflicted on her own family members, or people in her community, or complete strangers. she cannot bring herself to turn around and watch this girl — her first friend in the south, one of the most significant bonds of her life made and taken away from her all in the span of one half hour — take a bullet that could have just as easily been meant for her, except it never was going to because ji-yeong had made that decision for the both of them. sae-byeok is already nearing the breaking point when she hears ji-yeong call her name again, and she can’t look. because if she does, she’ll cry until she makes herself sick, and then her last memory of ji-yeong wouldn’t be that wicked smile, or her girlish laughter, but of her dead in the dirt. and despite all the horrible, awful things sae-byeok has seen and experienced, she absolutely cannot allow that to be one of them.

and there’s this. the aftermath of witnessing such an uncomfortable display of violence that hit a spore spot and you can tell that she’s just... so in her head, still thinking about it. thinking about what will happen when the lights go out and trying to prepare herself for whatever will come because she knows she has a target on her back and it’s a fucking big one, prepares herself to witness more violence and to have to be a part of it too. sitting there alone, with that same wooden expression on her face but visibly shaking. from anger and fear, some odd mixture of the two because at the end of the day she’s still just a girl that’s been thrust into a world that is cruel and hard and she’s doing her best. she’s trying so hard to make it. she wants so badly to make it. and of course she snaps herself out of it the moment gi-hun talks to her, returns to quiet, cagey, and unaffected, acting like she wasn’t shaking with unease and rage and apprehension before he walked up to her. but it’s small moments like these that show just how real and human she is, that she’s just a kid who’s put the weight of the world on her shoulders for the sake of her family, and is in over her head because of it.

[chillinfilipino]

I've been keeping my distance from people lately, probably because I'm always cautious about protecting my energy. Let me explain... I used to be outgoing, but dealing with past trauma that resurfaced in 2020 has made it tough for me to let new people in. Honestly, I was furious, filled with so much anger, and hate that I didn't even know was in me.

I've been thinking a lot about whether I regretted being so involved in the movement. I wanted to stand up for what's right. And it's been kind of confusing, especially because it took a toll on my mental health during all that intense protesting. I knew why I was out there, fighting against injustice and racism. Being a POC, I've faced my share of racism since I was a kid. Being in physical fights to defend yourself all the time can be draining. Dealing with verbal abuse can caused anxiety. I never really shared my experiences because it's not easy... People don't always get what we go through unless we talk about it. Maybe that's why I'm sharing this. I think it's important for people to express their feelings because It's therapeutic and if you don't have anyone to talk to, writing it down in a journal can really help. Therapy could be helpful too. Michelle was really on my case about it, and It actually made a difference. So, I stuck with it for about a year, feeling like I was in a good place. But then, life got busy with a new job and the business, and the free therapy ride was over. I figured I could handle things on my own. Turns out, that wasn't the best call. After a couple months without therapy, I realized I wasn't as strong as I thought. And then, someone close to me started saying the wrong things to me about my clothing brand business, using the wrong choice of words. I felt betrayed, and it messed with my head, bringing all that anger back to the surface. When I wasn't mentally there, I ended up getting into a big argument at work, standing up for someone who was treated unfairly. I lost my job over it because I threw something at their face. Was it right to stick up for someone? Absolutely. But getting physical wasn't the answer, especially when I wasn't in the right headspace.

So, how do I move forward from here? Do I point fingers at the people who got under my skin? Nah, that won't solve anything. I know I could've handled it differently. Instead of letting my past dictate my reactions, I could've talked it out with the person who said something about my brand and i could've ignored the issue that happened at work and let the HR handle it. But Michelle, the voice of reason, called me out on my behavior. She's the one who keeps it real with me, even when it's tough to hear. And let's be real, it's not fair for her to deal with my past struggles. Nobody should have to deal with someone who's not actively trying to work through their issues. If you're in the same boat as me, just know there are people out there rooting for you, genuinely wanting to see you grow. Don't take advantage of that support. Keep striving to be the best version of yourself. I'm lucky to have my girlfriend by my side, supporting me through it all. But it's a two way street. I've got to be there for her just as much.

Right now, my clothing brand is my main outlet for expressing myself. Every day, I work on staying mentally strong. I don't want to pass down this pattern of anger to my future. And I definitely don't want people to be scared of me when I'm not feeling myself. It's important for me to keep applying what I learned in therapy. I know what helps me when I'm feeling down. Listening to lofi music while I'm designing, creating content, watching documentaries of entrepreneurs, listening to podcast interviews, and watching anime and pro wrestling etc.. Also I know it's better to have days with my girlfriend and balancing my life. Being an entrepreneur can feel pretty lonely sometimes, especially because I chose this path for myself. When I'm out there grinding for my business, I'm really betting on myself. Wherever this journey leads me, I've got to give myself credit and appreciate the small wins the people who support me. Also have to appreciate the losses and failures. Without that, how would I grow? I'm not asking for the world, but I truly value it. Meeting kind people at conventions is a reminder to enjoy life and that good people still exist out there. All I know is I've got to keep pushing to chase what I love and not let anything set me back. Every day might be unfinished, but I'm determined to make the most of it. And if you're feeling a bit lost, I hope my journey can inspire you to find your own path.