#it just helps my very parental brain channel some of the energy so I don't do something dumb like have a baby at 17

[becaexists]

Y'all wanna know something weird about me?

Okay so I have PMDD right? Talked to my doctor about it when I was 15, they suggested I get one of those heatable cuddly toys and swaddle it to trick my brain into thinking it has to protect a small baby because apparently that helps? Idk I can't find anything about it online

Anyway so I do that, get one of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch because it was in primark and looked pretty cute, heat it up and swaddle it and damn does that work, works so well that I find myself holding it for comfort even after my period ends. Now I'm a weirdo who's holding a stitch toy wrapped in a cloth half the time I'm at home, but my brain is all like "fuk u that's my baby don't you dare do anything" so now I have an emotional attachment to a fucking cuddly toy bc my brain thinks it's a baby and gets panicky when I'm away from it for too long

[sweetestdumpling]

{ Gotta do some rambling while I still have the thoughts in my head.

As a person that's not Chinese whatsoever, I always have this latent fear that I'm being very ignorant in some shape or form when I'm trying to think of how Xiaoyu lived back in China or the traditions they practice/share. I feel like I need a ton of research but for now, I don't think I'll touch it too much.

What I was initially thinking about was the fact that Xiaoyu, based on how she was in T3 and how she got on Heihachi's ship and beat up his men, that she was just as loud and rambunctious even before she moved to Japan. It's why I thought of the idea that when her parents weren't sure on what to do with all her energy, since other things she tried never truly lasted long (since she had no patience or found it boring), Jinrei chose to teach her how to fight instead and channel her energy through that.

Incorporating that, and even somehow meeting Leroy in Hong Kong, Xiao has really met some people. Can't really speak on how her and Leroy met, my brain was thinking of a spur of the moment type of meeting, or accidental. Or if Jinrei knew him too, who knows (surely he knows a lot of people lol). Clearly Xiaoyu has grown up a lot, so I wonder what she would think of all of this now that she's older and more mature. She still has her spunk and kindness of course, it's just obvious how better she's gotten.

Then end up thinking about her life in Japan afterwards. Part of me wonders if she would know Japanese, at least a little, before going there. Or that she, once again, didn't bother to learn (because why would she).

OR, I also know that the languages have some similar words so maybe that helped her but she didn't know all the nuances and such that Japanese may have so she still went to Mishima Polytechnic and brushed up her Japanese even more there (but still slipped in her own Chinese).

I know speaking about languages don't matter all that much in Tekken since everyone understands everyone, but given that Xiaoyu has never spoken in Chinese ever since her debut, it's something I enjoy thinking about. I also like incorporating it in my writing if even possible.

And I think it fits with her being and living in Japan since she was practically 16.

I've voiced this before as well, but wondered what Xiaoyu's thoughts were on Heihachi as well. I like to think she admired the guy and thought he was nice, since he gave her Panda and its clear they've been close ever since. Though ever since T4, she's been distrusting him due to everything that's happened and what she's learned. I just wonder what she would have said to him if she ever had the chance to.

Girl being involved (somewhat) with Mishima affairs like her grandfather lol.

Wondering what her parents would think of it all too honestly. Maybe not surprised due to her "stubborn" attitude but obviously still concerned due to the whole situation and, even worse, the war going on.

WILL SHE GO BACK TO HER DREAM OF AN AMUSEMENT PARK

Okay this is all I got for the night. Lmao. }

[spookypetrine]

Bewitching the Elements: Earth

I have been away for a while and I am very sorry I had to move home and start classes. As I am writing this class has ended and I am looking for jobs. In between applying for jobs and tweaking my resume and cover letter I am also reading 'Bewitching the Elements' by Gabriela Herstik. If you look for this at your local book of metaphysical store it looks like this:

I have been working through the chapters and although long she encompasses a lot of aspects of each element from the crystals, to the zodiac, to tarot cards. It's super informative and I do suggest it for any baby witches out there starting on their journey into element work.

The first chapter is about the earth and using several techniques for ground oneself using this element. Also at the end of each chapter are questions to help you connect more with the subjects and integrate them more into your practice. I will be posting and answering each set of questions here so if you like the questions or want more info to shoot me a like or a message.

In what areas of my life do I feel supported and safe?

In March of this year after a grueling stay in the hospital with bacterial meningitis and sepsis in my spine and brain lining my 'friends' at the time kicked me out of their house (way to kick a girl when she's down). So I begrudgingly came home and my parents took me in. I was appreciative, but fitting what was a 3 story apartment into a room the size of a queen-size bed was a challenge. They have supported me and love me while I took classes and now through my job search (fingers crossed). They have been a treasure and I am so glad.

Now in my craft, my support system is my best friend of 7 years is Aubrey. She is my soulmate I am sure because we are the same person. She started me on this path and I have been all the better for it thanks to her. We share so many things in our practice and resonate the same energy so much so that we share the same deity and my patron visits her on occasion. We are thicker than thieves and without her, I would not be able to survive. My depression would have taken me out long ago if it hadn't been for her. She's the kitchen witch to my green witch and I wouldn't have it any other way.

What does it mean for me to feel grounded?

So like most when I think of being grounded I imagine being barefoot in nature celebrating the elements. However, in this sense grounding is not an adjective it's a verb and active practice. To ground to me is to silence the soul and let it be once with nature. No distractions, just you and nature resonating in harmony with the earth mother. Actively grounding is a consuming practice for most, but so rewarding once it is achieved.

What does my body need to be healthy and happy at this time?

Currently, my body needs water, fruits, and vegetables. It needs meditation and more magic outside of the cramped room I now inhabit. My soul in conjunction with my body needs love and attention from me. Following my self-care routine and body care routine to make me feel better about my appearance. I am a bigger girl and being desirable has held me back for a long time, but now I just appreciate and forgive myself and go about my life. I am working to change this, but it is a slow process and in the meantime, I still live in this body so I need to work hard to make it better.

In what areas of my life do I have healthy boundaries?

Thanks to covid I have become more self-aware of the emotional issues I have and dealing with them. I have learned to put up boundaries on physical contact with people and set hard boundaries with others. If someone crossed those boundaries on purpose or ridiculed me for them they were immediately cut off. Never let someone make you feel uncomfortable or weird for having a boundary with them. If they don't respect your limits then they don't respect you and don't deserve your time or energy.

What areas of my life could use more compassionate boundaries?

So for this question, I am turning the compassion to myself which I don't often do. The boundaries I need to set for myself are ones on who I give my time and energy too. Time and time again I go out of my way and comfort zone to help and appease others at my own detriment. I need to start setting higher standards of the people in my life and who I spend my time with. Having compassion and caring about them does not mean hurting myself for them in any way including financially, physically, or emotionally.

What does abundance mean to me? How can I channel this Queen of Pentacles energy?

Abundance to me is having something to or near excess. Having enough of something for myself I can now comfortably share it with others as well. Now to embody the Queen of Pentacles energy I would definitely need to focus on growing and flourishing also taking part in more sensual activities cause as we know she is the Queen of Abundance. She fills your cup till it runneth over with gifts from the universe and for loving yourself and bring yourself the finer things. To thank her and embody this I need to perform more self-loving rituals in my everyday routine to show her my gratitude for all she has done in my life.

What am I looking to manifest in this phase of my life?

In this phase of my life, I am manifesting a successful and rewarding career that allows me to get my independence back. I have lost a lot in the past four years from my fiance passing in 2018, wrecking my car in 2019, my job in 2020, and my home in 2021. These years have not been kind and have made me suffer greatly and I feel I need to just rebuild. I need to manifest a successful and powerful future that allows me to become exactly who I need to be.

Well if you read this or stuck around till the end for any reason thank you. Typing these is like therapy for me and if you have any questions feel free to message me. I type these in hopes that my brutal honest with myself can help strangers on the internet be more honest with themselves. Because if you can be honest with yourself you can be honest with others. You owe yourself honesty in all forms even if it hurts and the techniques in this book can help you find your truth. Thank you for reading and also would any of you be interested in me posting my personal crystals and some info about them as well? If so drop a like or something.

Thank you,

Bree

[chaoticrayne85]

Tornado plus fibromyalgia equals major pain

March 3, 2019 started like every other normal Sunday especially the ones that we get to spend with my family 2 hrs away. We had gone to my parents the day before so we could see everyone before my brother's deacon ordination at his church on Sunday. Every thing was going great until we got back in the car after the service. Our phones were in the console so they wouldn't be going off in church. My hubby checked his phone and had multiple calls from his family. He got his mom on the phone and was told we had been hit by a tornado. We made other calls to find out if all the family was ok, was the trailer we live in standing, how much was damaged, could we even get home. So for the most part everyone was fine just shook up, trailer was standing, we definitely had damages to the property, and there was no way possible to get home that night. Sitting in the restaurant eating with my family the news channel was on the t.v. and showing towns around ours who were pretty much leveled or had massive damage. Stress levels were already through the roof not knowing what we would find when we could finally get home; seeing the destruction from neighboring towns just made the tears roll.

Being a spoonie during a natural disaster kinda sucks. I have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety and depression issues, PTSD, migraines, and spine issues. When my emotions get messed up it gets difficult and painful to move around. Driving 2 hrs in constant pain both physically and emotionally is an experience I prefer not to relive often.

We get home there's trees down everywhere, power lines across the road and laying in the yard, power's out of course, porch roof is missing part of it and the missing part is in a tree behind the trailer, a tree narrowly missed our master bed and bath, the carport moved despite being staked down, underpinning on the trailer is well it's very much messed up. We got lucky or rather we were very blessed. Our family members across the road from us had trees on their roofs. Down the road from us looked like a bomb went off. Between our fence line behind our house to the end of our road which is about 9/10s of a mile maybe was the damage zone width. Looking at the destruction made me realize just how blessed we were. The emotions triggered a migraine which triggered my fibro. The temperature didn't help things either because with the tornado came a cold front that dropped the temp to near freezing from being in the mid-70s. I'm very sensitive to temperature and weather changes like most spoonies are.

We got to start cleaning up some the day after the storm when we was able to get through the roads better. My hubby and other family members got busy cutting trees off homes of other family members while I went in our house and packed another bag to go to my parents. Our house was without power for 48 hrs. so our house was extremely cold which didn't help the pain level. We stayed with my parents for 2 more days mainly because it took me 2 days to recuperate from the first trip back home to check on the damages.

We finally got to come home to stay on Wednesday once they got the power back on. It was 58°F in our house! It was COLD! I turned the heat on and me and the dogs cuddled up under a thick blanket in the recliner. When I get cold my body feels like I have knives stabbing me from head to toe, my hands swell and get a slight purple tint to them, putting pressure on my feet sends pain radiating through them and my lower legs which doesn't matter if I'm cold or just tired. When I'm in the amount of pain I was in that day it gets difficult to concentrate kinda like brain fog but a little worse in my opinion. Fibro fog I'm still able to semi-function but that day there wasn't much functioning in my brain. I couldn't process anything whether it from the pain or just the shock of reality I'm not sure. Not knowing what you're coming home to after a storm is very stressful and the stress causes us spoonies a good deal of pain, brain fog, tears, and exhaustion. Once the clean up starts even tho we still have our home when many others do not; it's still exhausting. We started getting a better look at the damages on Saturday when we started really cleaning up instead of just making it passable. I tried to help clean up by picking up limbs and things like that. I lasted til about lunchtime before I was hurting so bad I had to take something for the pain and chill in the recliner. None of you know me very well but for me to break down and take pain meds my pain level is to the point of tears. I hate pain meds with a passion because I can't function or think straight on them in other words they make me incredibly sleepy. So yeah chillin in the recliner means I was out for a few hours.

Not being able to help clean up the place I live or help with family members's homes that were damaged makes me feel like I'm being lazy or like other people view me as lazy. It really bothers me that I can no longer hold out as long as other people. It hurts my feelings and self-esteem to think about how others view me and my lack energy. Most of the time I can push through the pain if I have to but once the exhaustion starts kicking in I'm done. I can't fight through both severe pain and exhaustion together. Other people who don't live with chronic pain and chronic fatigue issues don't always truly understand what we go through on a daily basis. I know I'm probably a bit paranoid about how people view my limitations because I'm actually very hard on myself when everyone around me is working hard like they've been bthe past 2 weeks yet I can't hold out for more than a few hours before I have to rest. It's frustrating having a body that rebels on you at every turn.