#this seems like an autism moment

[becaexists]

Y'all wanna know something weird about me?

Okay so I have PMDD right? Talked to my doctor about it when I was 15, they suggested I get one of those heatable cuddly toys and swaddle it to trick my brain into thinking it has to protect a small baby because apparently that helps? Idk I can't find anything about it online

Anyway so I do that, get one of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch because it was in primark and looked pretty cute, heat it up and swaddle it and damn does that work, works so well that I find myself holding it for comfort even after my period ends. Now I'm a weirdo who's holding a stitch toy wrapped in a cloth half the time I'm at home, but my brain is all like "fuk u that's my baby don't you dare do anything" so now I have an emotional attachment to a fucking cuddly toy bc my brain thinks it's a baby and gets panicky when I'm away from it for too long

[skyhawkstragedy]

can someone tell twitter that you can dislike a HG without turning every waking moment of their existence into a moral panic

[powdermelonkeg]

*editing script* And...Taliesin...and...Shadowheart...are...besties.

[jesuschristt-thatsaprettyface]

in my experimental straight phase i was very briefly seeing this guy twice my age and i remember our d/s relationship having rules like in the passenger seat i was to keep my legs spread (no underwear) and LMAO i remember him making a comment like “that seems so natural to you” and it came off like an insult, like a “lady” shouldn’t feel so at ease taking up so much space. but like i was literally just dyke spreading and it’s so funny looking back at it.

[sherlock-is-ace]

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[milogoestogreendale]

what hurts me so much about brad’s brother is that he’s so carefully crafted a way to hurt him that the characters don’t fully realize. he presents himself as concerned (“is he counting calories again? you know he’s always been insecure about his weight”) and there’s something so sinister about that because the audience knows he’s fully aware and fueling brad’s disorder. the others don’t know what motu means thus they don’t get that zack is intentionally stirring up brad’s negative feelings about his body. and at the end of s2 he tells jo to tell his brother “oink oink.” clearly he is taunting brad about killing his pig, but the message could be interpreted as zack simultaneously mocking his weight. god there’s just so many little details that it’s easy to miss but it drives me crazy how hard zack works to hurt brad in the deepest ways possible

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I know that like asexual Kiryu has been talked about before but I’ve been thinking about him more recently and like...

Notice how he goes to telephone clubs and hostess clubs and video stores and all that, and he’ll say about what he likes in a girl, what he’s looking for, and of course that one hostess chat in Kiwami where he talks about wanting to be the one who’s wooed for a change.

Here’s the thing though; every single time someone has shown ANY interest in him, romantic or sexual, he’s not into it. And he’s got PLENTY to pick from, it feels like half the substories are people falling head over heels or wanting to climb him like a tree or both, but he’s not having any of it. He’s more outwardly like “um no thanks” when it’s men but he’s awkward and uncomfortable around women too.

And I’m not judging his or anyone else’s tastes but also like, his preferences for women feel very...basic? Like, almost more like this is what he’s expected to like, people/society in general is like This Is What’s Desirable In A Woman and he’s just like “yep cool sounds good” and just accepts that as What He Also Wants In A Woman. He tells other people that there’s all sorts of people out there, ya can’t judge on just appearances, there’s more to people than that, but it doesn’t ever seem to really apply to himself?

Idk man this isn’t even me projecting and hitting him with the Aro Beam, I’ve done that to other characters based on singular lines of dialogue (Mana I’m looking at you), but I really am just sitting here like ‘mate I think Kiryu might be arospec as well as asexual’. 

[hexados-on-a-string]

her: they're probably thinking abt other women

me: at the end of episode 52 of nv when everyone's saying goodbye, helios and drago talk abt hopefully the next time they meet they'll still be friends and be on the same side. when spectra shows up again in ms he tells them that yes they're still friends and on the same side, however when he comes back the brawlers are falling apart and dan has a link to magmel and is also generally being a Huge Jerk™, which might be an understatement. bringing back spectra during this arc was a brilliant idea bc other than being the writers' clear favourite, nv already set up parallels between dan and spectra and the contrast between how dan's acting and how even spectra of all people is actually disturbed and concerned by it shows how bad the situation has actually gotten.

[autisticlee]

one thing I really struggle with as an autistic person when it comes to socializing is most people (particularly neurotypicals and many allistics) know a lot of stuff about a lot of different things. they always have something to talk about with each other and can curate their conversations to each other because their knowledge on a vast variety of subjects allows them to. whether it's celebrities, politics, media, fashion, gossip, or whatever, they always have many things they can talk about or can join in any conversation easily. most of them only want to talk about surface level things, which I believe is what we consider "small talk." they usually dont deep-dive into one particular subject. they bounce around and change often. they're basically satisfactorily skilled in many, but masters of none.

this is particularly seen among neurotypicals and even many allistics (from my experience, for example, I've met many adhd people who know many things and can't settle on only one/few interests). rarely, it happens in autistic people, but it does occasionally (I've met at least 1 or 2). generally, autistic people struggle with this. we are known for our intense focus and limited interests. we often don't possess "common knowledge" everyone else seems to know, because we are only focused on the one or few things that interest us. everything we know centers on our special interests. therefore, if we can't talk about them in a conversation, we literally lack the databank to participate in most conversations.

some of us may try really hard participate, but that's when they get mad at us for talking about the things we know about and love, accusing us of changing the subject, making it all about us, and not shutting up about That One Thing. however, if we just listen to them talk, they also get mad at us for not speaking/participating! it's very difficult and we can't win. they don't understand why we struggle and are confused why we don't Just Know Things they do, things "everyone know!"

participating and joining in conversation as an autistic person isn't always necessarily about "poor speaking/communication skills" (if you are a verbal autistic, or if you're able to do text conversation), sometimes it's simply the subject matter of said conversation we struggle with. that's one reason why you'll often hear that "autistic people communicate with autistic people just fine." if you find one that shares your special interests, you'll never run out of things to talk about! it's also common for autistic people to allow and even enjoy letting other autistics ramble about special interests, even if they themsleves don't know anything about it.

many autistic people (who are verbal or can participate in text conversations) really want to socialize and join conversations! many try their best to join. unfortunately, usually talking about special interests/things they know about and relating the conversation to those things is the only way we can say anything and not simply be a quiet listener (and then get told we're "too weird and quiet")

do I think this is our fault? not at all. there's nothing wrong with enjoying things you enjoy and talking about them! it's just unfortunate that most people refuse to converse with us if they don't know or care about the things we do. (which is ironic that they get so upset at us for not participating in conversations about things we don't know or care about with them lmao) or they refuse to see that it's our way of trying our best to show we have interest in them and want befriend or converse with them. we are always expected to know the things THEY like and know about and be able to talk about them, but we are not allowed to expect the same things from them.

this is why I found that I can't be or stay friends with people I dont share interests with, and why I lose friends as soon as one of us loses interest in the shared interest. there's nothing else to talk about. I dont know how to come up with other things to talk about. I don't know anything else.

i'm not sure how to get around this. it's something i've always struggled with and probably ways will. it can impede more than just friendships as well. as someone who has tried twitch streaming for years now, this is always gets in the way of becoming a better streamer. most streamers i've watched and enjoyed are ones that always have something to talk about. they never stop talking. they know many things and have many stories. when I stream, i'm mostly quiet, talk about the only 2 things I know about and reoeat myself over and over, or narrate the game i'm playing or drawing i'm working on. people will say a thing in chat and i'll have to respond "oh I don't know what that is. tell me what it is" so they tell me and that's where it ends because I can't speak on it. this causes everyone who joins my stream to leave within 10 minutes or less out of boredom most likely. my average viewers every stream is between 0 and 0.5. not even friends stick around to watch me because they get bored.

i'm told it's a "skill" you can work on and learn....but let's be honest, "learning" about conversation topics and things you don't care about just to appease and entertain others sounds boring and torturous to me. i've tried this tactic for many years and it leaves me feeling disconnected, bored, and lonely. if anyone decides they enjoy me and/or my content in the little niche corner I exist in, then that's great and i'll give them a piece of my heart lmao. if not, i'd rather exist in this comfy corner with things I enjoy alone and not waste energy on things I don't care about even if it could bring more people and socializing to me. because in the end, that existence is lonlier than actually being alone.

[irenespring]

I am taking one creative writing class in college and when I talked to the professor about how I can almost never pick up on symbolism or read glances in movies (autism), and asked for help to understand movie structure, the professor asked me if/why I was interested in creative writing in an extremely skeptical tone of voice.

And when I responded something like "...yeah I just usually write stuff to be read not watched" she was like "Wait...fiction? Not nonfiction? You want to write fiction?" like I had just told her the cure for cancer is french fries.

She asked me so many times it did honestly make me feel a little like shit.

Yes, I am on the spectrum. Yes, I enjoy writing fiction. Conversations are easier when you control both sides, you have infinite time to analyze each person involved, and no one actually gets hurt if your first draft of words is incorrect. Ironically the amount of time I've had to spend analyzing why people might act the way they do and drafting every style of Talking for a Situation may lend itself to creative writing. My fucking mistake I guess for taking a class about writing though, because apparently unless you can read "Meaningful Glance #47" in any given movie perfectly, you're a lost cause.

Anyway, now I return to my room to fume at write stuff (fanfic).

[calnexin]

I think the reason I’m not more annoying about my interests online is cuz IRL all my friends are so so normal about their interests and hobbies and so I never quite got into the habit of unabashedly hyperfixating on something in a public space for all to see

[maybemoonbeams]

anyone wanna reblog this and tell me in the tags what your current hyperfixation(s) is\are becuase i

[queerstudiesnatural]

i feel like i just lost my one remaining irl friend. it's silly because she's still here and we didn't have a fight or anything but. we just ran into each other when i was coming home from work and she was going out on a date. she told me i looked like a zombie, i didn't even know she was dating. and not just dating some random guy, but she has a boyfriend. which made me realise that i haven't talked to her in a long time. we briefly saw each other once for a music thing two weeks ago, and then before that the last time we hung was a month and a half ago. and we used to always be together and i knew everything about her life and suddenly she's a stranger. it was like running into someone i was friends with in middle school except she's my best friend and a month ago we were still inseparable. and now she has a boyfriend, which was a slap in the face for so many reasons. first of all we're gonna see even less of each other now. second of all i know i haven't met the guy and i shouldn't judge him without knowing him, but i know he's 11 years older than her so already i'm not a fan. not sure i'm gonna wanna hang out with them together. it's gonna take some time for me to adjust to that. but mostly i was just so taken aback because she didn't tell me. she never told me she was seeing someone. which, given that she greeted me with "dude you look like a zombie 🥴", i get. apparently i look just as bad as i feel. i hadn't realised that. i mean i know i look bad, but i didn't think it was that noticeable to other people. i must be terrible company too, i know i speak slowly and i'm too tired to go out and i'm just no fun really.

i just feel so isolated. i don't have any friends. it just hit me. everyone around me is either pulling away from me, or i pulled away from them without realising, or they're going through their own crap and in no better shape than i am. my work friend is off work because she just lost her father. my mother is as depressed as i am. my best friends rn are my grandparents, they're the only people i still see/call regularly. and even then, my grandma just turned 80 this weekend and my grandpa is 81, and they're losing their health and they're scared and so am i. i have no one to lean on and i can't let anyone lean on me because i'll collapse.

[vstheworld]

gender dysphoria got me not knowing what I look like anymore who the fuck even is this guy

[saturnniidae]

I feel so bad talking to mutuals in comments bc sometimes they try to dm me and I realize I've accidentally deceived them into thinking I can hold a conversation </3

[the-insouciant-scientist]

What I was expecting when I started this little project: lots of interesting motifs to draw, having to figure out symmetry in odd objects

What I was not expecting: archaic Sumerian pictograph and proto-cuneiform deep dive