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#it looks so much like it's trying to replicate the feel of the show a series of unfortunate events.
duckdodger · 2 days
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this may be too much to ask but do you have a tut on how to draw turtles in the mm style?? (or just at all my ass is suffering. i need to draw tmnt but my brain doesnt know how :c)
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Sure ! I’ll try my best to explain (I made one after the first tottmnt trailer came out it’s outdated so I’m remaking it)
If you’re talking abt mm movie style , I don’t think I’m skillful on them enough to make an art tutorial 😭💔they’re hard for me to draw too
Info on keep reading :D !!
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- I take hundreds of screenshots + download promo art and a create collage of it , use it as a ref sheet. I study on the shapes , proportions , and style of each character.
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- Then I pick an image from the pile to see if it’s a good pose (if not, I find poses from other resources to draw) or expression I want to use as reference for my drawing
- then I start sketching , adding the sharp details . Clean up on lineart and color later
Other Notes :
- Tales of the TMNT artstyle uses sharp sketchy lines to give it that sketchbook artstyle
- In some frames from the show, Their eyes are pentagon shaped & pupils are not fully colored in. Mask tails have different styles too
- Each turtle not only have different headshapes , they have different plastron shapes too (these are fugly examples I accidentally deleted the OG layer of this and had to redo it LMAO)
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- Looking at Tales crew art also rlly helps! (There’s a lot of them on the #/talesofthetmnt tag on insta & twitter)
the Tales of the TMNT artstyle is easy to nail imo , it’s like more of a simpler version of the rise of the TMNT artstyle if that make sense ?? That’s how I personally feel lololol
If you never drawn TMNT before , just go slow on your art process , look at references, & take your time . Draw the characters in your own style first if you want :] just to feel more comfortable and less stress trying to replicate the iteration’s style . overall , have fun <3
I usually suckkk at these art tutorial stuff but hope this helps :D !!
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dewdropdinosaur · 2 days
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Gentle On My Mind
Angel Dust x Reader x Husk (Poly) Summary: Feeling a little anxious about their appearance, Y/N seeks comfort in their partners who surprise them with a little shopping adventure. Warnings: None For @little-bloodied-angel, feel better soon, my lovely.
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Y/N paced back and forth in their small apartment, heart racing as they replayed the night’s events in their mind. Angel had been charming, as always, throwing playful banter their way and making them laugh until they almost forgot the nagging worry in the back of their mind. But the moment they caught Angel glancing at another couple—one more traditional looking—Y/N's heart sank.
“Do you think he prefers someone more… masculine?” Y/N whispered to Husk, who was lounging on the couch, a case of beer in his lap.
Husk glanced up, raising an eyebrow, eyes squinted from the bitter taste of the cheap alcohol.
“You really think that? Look, I don’t care how pretty you are, you’re not a girl just ‘cause you’ve got some flair. The same way I like mister porn star over there. Angel likes who he likes, and it’s not always about looks.”
Y/N bit their lip, fidgeting with the hem of their shirt. “But he’s so flamboyant and bold. What if he wants someone who compliments that instead of replicates it?”
“Yeah, well, you’d be surprised what a person can find attractive. Angel’s got a thing for both sides of the spectrum, okay?” Husk leaned back, his tone softening a bit.
“Trust me. He wouldn’t be with you, or me for that matter, if he didn’t think you were gorgeous just as you are.”
Still unconvinced, Y/N nodded, but the worry clung to them like a shadow. They knew Angel was free-spirited but the thought of not fitting the mold gnawed at them.
The next day, a knock on the door startled them from their thoughts. It was Angel, grinning wide, eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Surprise pretty boy!” he chirped, pulling Y/N out into the sunlight. “We’re going shopping!”
“Shopping?” Y/N blinked in confusion. “For what?”
"I, uh, may have told Angel here about your dilemma?"
"HUSK!"
“Forget that, think new clothes! You’re going to look fabulous. You're coming too Husky! ” Angel declared, tugging Y/N by the wrist. Husk followed behind, rolling his eyes but smiling at the scene.
“Sure, let me just add ‘pack mule’ to my resume,” he grumbled, grabbing a tote bag that Angel had stuffed with snacks. “What do you want from me? To carry the burdens of your glittery dreams?”
As they strolled through the streets, Y/N felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. They had never shopped for femme clothing with someone who wanted to dress them up. Angel was animated, pointing out vibrant items, flashy tops, and accessories that sparkled in the sunlight.
“How about this?” Angel held up a shimmering silver top, fabric glistening like stars. “You’d look stunning in this. Picture it: you, twirling under the lights at a party.”
Y/N hesitated, glancing at the item and then back at Angel. “But what if it’s too much?”
Angel rolled his eyes, moving closer. “Y/N, I adore you. You’re the light of my life, okay? I wouldn’t pick anything that didn’t scream ‘gorgeous’—and believe me, this does.”
Husk interjected with a sarcastic smirk, “And if it doesn’t, I’ll make sure to bring the receipt.”
With a small laugh, Y/N picked up the top, heart warming at the thought of Angel’s unwavering support. They ventured further into the store, Angel continuously holding up items, each more colorful and flamboyant than the last.
“Try this one on!” Angel insisted, handing over a bright pink blouse that seemed to glow. “Just think of how amazing you’ll look with this paired with some cute jeans! Wait, I think I may have a pair you could borrow toots--”
Y/N took a deep breath, and something inside them shifted. Maybe this was more than just clothing; it was a way for Angel to show that he cherished every part of them, from the bits that felt uncertain to the parts that shone bright.
After trying on several outfits, they finally emerged from the fitting room in a form-fitting black ensemble adorned with lace details. Angel’s eyes lit up like fireworks, his joy infectious. “See? You look absolutely stunning! It’s like this was made for you!”
Husk pretended to fan himself, shaking his head. “Damn, kid. I might have to start charging for my services if you keep pulling looks like that.”
Y/N couldn’t help but smile, feeling a rush of warmth wash over them. With Angel’s encouragement, they began to see themselves differently. Maybe they didn’t need to fit a specific mold; maybe being their authentic self was enough.
As they left the store with bags full of vibrant clothes, Angel threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder. “I knew you’d shine, babe. Never doubt yourself, alright? You’re a gorgeous boy and we're lucky to have you.”
Y/N smiled, feeling a weight lift from their chest. With Angel by their side, they felt braver, ready to embrace every part of themselves, flamboyant or otherwise. And maybe, just maybe, they could stop worrying about who they were supposed to be and focus on being just who they were.
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crunchchute · 4 months
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my attempt at a bunch of my fav artists styles :] idea by sootnuki!!
i would love to do more but this was already a huge challenge
if any artist here dislikes this/is uncomfortable with it/any reason i can take it down or turn off reblogs etc. otherwise i hope its ok 🫡 im not gonna tag anyone just gonna let it do its thing in the wild lol
#crunchchute art#my art#sam and max#sam & max#i hope it will be viewable as i dont know how much tumblr will crunch it#in any case i have it up on twitter also and it seems to be in good quality there#it looks like a 'the 7 human souls:' meme hfhdhf#hey i can put more thoughts in the tags right? so first i didnt really put enough effort into my own one and i kinda realized my style#is kinda mid ngl. cause im lazy + this coloring style might not really fit them. anyway.#for sootnukis style i adore the rendering of the clothing folds and stuff but i couldnt get it just right it remains a mystery to me#silcrow i tried to do a traditional drawing but kinda messed up some of the coloring especially on the pants#also couldnt figure out if its just markers or markers + pencils or what. so i kinda did my own take of 90% markers 10% pencils#mtsodie i love the color palettes and the shapes so that was a lot of fun to try; i like the outcome#narnour i absolutely love the tiny little eyes and how goofy and round they look so that was fun to try to replicate too#as well as the colors which i mostly color picked cause i couldnt get a red overlay right#zembo was a nice way to revisit a chalky brush that i havent used in ages not sure if i got it right though#applettoast i feel like theres some gorillaz influence or its at least something i used while coloring. as you might know i used to draw#gorillaz a lot and tried to replicate the coloring etc. and i think it fit here. correct me if im wrong lol#snuckeys was also hella fun cause i love the cartooniness and the details like the teeth showing gums and stuff. hope i did it justice#also the eyes! i love the big highlight and that the eyes are brown its cute#it was nice to branch out for a bit
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myokk · 2 months
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I filmed a timelapse of my process for this quick one💓
Honestly not really happy with how this turned out & I’ll probably redo it😆 but I always love making process videos!!
I REALLY HAVE TO TRUST MY PROCESS🙏🙏🙏 these paintings always look AWFUL😳 until the very end but luckily I’ve painted enough of them to keep pushing through and not give up in tears bahahahahahah
1) I start out just painting the base colors. I have a dirty paint palette I NEVER clean😤 but tbh I like it bc every color I want is basically already mixed from a previous painting, and I like having all of the colors kind of blend together. If I need a different color though I’ve never had problems mixing to get exactly what I’m looking for💓
2) WAIT FOR IT TO DRY (I didn’t…you can see at one point I check the back of the page to make sure I didn’t destroy it completely). This paint dries SUPER fast…I am just impatient bc the next step is when it all starts to come together🥰:
3) COLORED PENCIL ON TOP!! I always make sure the paint covers almost all of the page except the parts I want to keep really white, because the colored pencil looks awful if it isn’t drawn on top of paint. I just sharpen them and go in with the small details, but I also love going crazy with the colors and using them to shade, add highlights, add extra pops of color etc. For example, on Bea’s shirt I used gold, dark blue, dark brown, normal brown, mauve, tan, olive green…I just like to experiment and have fun choosing the colors (esp ones that I think SHOULDN’T work but they DO🥰)
Sometimes I switch between the paint and the colored pencil bc the paint can be used to kind of “erase” any mistakes, but I can’t go too crazy or add a lot of water to it because I use the cheapest paper known to man and it gets destroyed SO EASILY 😫 all of the fanart I’ve drawn is in €1 notebooks
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puhpandas · 8 months
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I love trying to change my Gregory design + how I draw him to make his face look closer to his model it's so fun
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goldticket · 9 months
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please have you seen the movie yet i'm going insane and keep going back but also helpppp. if you've talked about it on another blog of yours i'll take that but i'm losing my mind reading reviews of people who don't seem to know even a spec of wonka lore
oh, my dear comrade... for you... i will endure it. i'll try to go see it christmas weekend.
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helaintoloki · 1 month
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The Unbearable Truth
pairing: Five Hargreeves x reader
warnings: angst with no happy ending, spoilers
notes: so i actually hated this storyline in the show but i also recognize angst potential when i see it so here’s this
summary: after getting lost in the subway system, Five comes to a grave realization
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Five Hargreeves doesn’t love you anymore, and you’re completely oblivious to the fact.
You’re in the kitchen of Lila’s home baking holiday treats with your niece while awaiting the arrival of the rest of your family to begin the festivities. You smell of cinnamon and pinecones, and for the first time in years you actually feel content and happy with where your life is now. Sure, there’s technically a looming apocalypse hanging over you right now, but it’s nothing you haven’t handled before. You’re actually part of a family now with a man who adores you, and it’s all you’ve ever wanted.
“Alright, Grace, would you like to do the honors of putting the gumdrop buttons on the gingerbread men while I check on the sugar cookies?”
“Yes, aunt y/n!” The girl exclaims cheerfully before immediately diving into the candy bowl. You laugh at her eagerness and turn towards the oven only to be met with the sight of Five in the kitchen doorway. He looks disheveled and unnerved, but you’re too engrossed in your own joy filled bubble to pick up on it right away and instead mistake him for being tired and overwhelmed with the situation surrounding Ben and Jennifer.
“Hey, you made it!” You say with a smile as you press a chaste kiss to his cheek before turning your attention to the sugar cookies. Five can only stand there stiffly as he clings onto the ghost of your lips against his skin. He had hoped that by seeing you again, by being in your presence and showered in your love for him, the feelings he once held for you would return.
But as he stands there in the middle of the kitchen watching you run about, he realizes that he feels absolutely nothing.
Initially, he had wanted nothing more than to return home to you and his siblings. Five had fought tooth and nail trying to figure out a way to get out of that damned subway system so he could have you in his arms again and tell you how much he missed you even if for you he had only been gone a couple hours. But a man could only take eating so many subway rats and being shot at so many times. He had grown tired, weary, and depressed. For a moment it seemed they’d be stuck there forever, and so he decided that maybe it was time to make the most of it.
What he didn’t expect was to fall in love with his brother’s wife.
A woman he had once hated with his entire being now was his sole companion, and whether it was due to some sick twist of fate or a moment of weakness, he had begun to look at her the way he once looked at you. With complete adoration and care as well as a fierce need to protect her and keep her safe. He knew the chances of ever seeing you again were highly unlikely, and the next logical step would be to move on. So he did.
But now here he is, back in his original timeline left to deal with the aftermath of his decisions.
In what was seven years for Five and three hours for you, the boy has fallen out of love with you. Your smile still may be as beautiful as ever and your scent of red berry plum and jasmine may be intoxicating to any other man, but he feels absolutely nothing when he looks at you. The spark is gone, and unbeknownst to you your relationship is about to fall apart.
“Where did you run off to?” You ask him after setting the freshly baked sugar cookies onto the cooling rack nearby.
“I had an… errand to run,” he utters carefully, growing stiff when you wrap your arms around his torso and rest your head upon his shoulder. Calculatingly, Five hesitantly rests a hand on your back while the other comes to comb his fingers through your hair. It’s a familiar motion that he is easily able to replicate in order to portray himself as the same doting partner you know and love. Lila had sworn him to secrecy, but he wasn’t sure just how to break it off with you without telling the truth. So for now he would go through the motions and hope to god you didn’t pick up on the fact that something was completely wrong.
“I’m happy you’re here,” you profess earnestly, peering up at him with fluttering lashes and a devoted smile. “I love you, Five.”
His chest tightens in agony at your words, his hold on you tightening in an attempt to ground himself as he harshly swallows down his discomfort. He meets your adoring gaze and smiles, carefully tilting your chin upwards to meet his lips in a tender kiss. It’s believable enough to keep you feeling secure and oblivious to his detachment, and he hopes that maybe if he keeps this up he can forget all about Lila and go back to normal.
Even if it means he’s just playing a part.
Pulling away, he meets your loving stare and offers you a small smile. Hesitating, as if he has to force the words out of him, Five murmurs out a quiet, “I love you, too.”
And you believe him.
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stunie · 3 months
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˖ ݁𖥔 ݁ “DID YOU JUST FAKE THAT, PRINCESS?”
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WINDBREAKER BOYS + FAKING AN ORGASM. ft. hayato suo, sakura haruka, togame jo, & umemiya hajime x f!reader
content: explicit smut (18+), overstimulation, squirting, fingering, cunninglingus, phone call / keep quiet, mirror sex, multiple rounds, creampies, usage of pet names, praise
part 1: ft. yamato endo, kiryuu mitsuki, & kaji ren
mdni - 2K wc . filled request! (i added togame) :>
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HAYATO SUO. mirror sex
"h-how!”
your reaction is adorable, drawing a lighthearted chuckle from your boyfriend. you squirm a bit, face pressed uncomfortably against your vanity’s mirror as you’re bent over your own desk, a smiling suo looming right over you.
"well...you didn't replicate it very well," he coos, "i'm surprised you thought i would fall for that."
you narrow your eyes at him in disbelief. there was absolutely no chance that he was able to differentiate between a real one and a fake one— you’re certain of it. you had even mimicked the way your walls flutter around him whenever he pushes you off the edge.
“don’t believe me?” his voice comes out steady, cock prodding at your entrance, “i’ll show you.”
you gasp at the feeling of his length stretching your walls, pushing until just the tip is inside. he’s holding you tightly, not letting you move when you impatiently try and push your hips back for more.
“s-suo,” you blurt, “stop teasi—”
all at once, he’s slamming his hips into you, your tongue lolling out when he’s buried deep inside you. he doesn’t give you time to steady yourself before he sets a brutal pace, fingers coming to swipe perfectly at your clit. “see?” his voice comes out cheerful despite the way he’s bullying his length into you so roughly, “this is closer to the kind of faces you make for me.”
it’s all happening too fast. before you know it, you’re shivering and whining beneath him, arms knocking over your bottles of skincare as you try to brace yourself to take him. he’s awfully composed, subtly angling himself to slam against the spot that has you seeing stars. your orgasm approaches you so fast, faster than ever before, and it’s overwhelming.
“w-wait, suo, slow down—” you stammer, thighs shaking violently as the knot inside you threatens to snap. “it’s too much! ‘m gonna-”
“and you know? when i do this,” he interrupts sweetly, fingers coming to rub at your clit just as his cock pushes against a sensitive spot, “you’ll cum for me.”
it hits you in an instant, eyes widening when the familiar wave crashes through you, walls spasming against his length as you scream. your vision is still a blur even when he slows down his pace, dotted with white and black splotches. you can barely register what’s happening when suo’s hands come to run up and down your body as he sighs contentedly.
“see? like that,” he nods, “it’s easy.”
his length is still inside you, switching to slow and steady thrusts as you tremble beneath him. "don't worry. i'll show you again so you remember."
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SAKURA HARUKA. squirting, cunninglingus, fingering
sakura’s fingers leave your clit the second he realizes something isn’t right, because you’re usually much louder and messier than this. he pulls back from your cunt for a second, head hot and blurry from nerves, and the violent blush across his face deepens as he forces himself to get a closer look at your cunt.
it all makes sense when he realizes he was touching the wrong spot— most likely due to the fact that his eyes had been clenched shut.
“y-you didn’t tell me,” he grumbles out of embarrassment, gaze shifting anywhere except on you. even with an apology and the explanation that you just wanted to make him more comfortable, the thought of how’d you look actually cumming on his face doesn’t leave his head.
he’s buried in your cunt now, your thighs clenched tightly around his head as he fucks his fingers deep into you. sakura had no idea just how addicting it would be when you first mentioned it to him— each moan that leaves your lips more sinful and loud than the last. it has his cock throbbing with need, forcing him to grind his hips against the mattress to relieve the frustrating ache.
“oh my god…” you mumble to no one in particular, mouth falling open when he pushes his tongue inside your cunt, eating you out with more intensity as his fingers come to press into your clit. “sakura—”
it’s dizzying, but he wants more. his free hand comes to dig into your ass, lifting you up a bit so he hold you flush against his face, licking and slurping at your cunt even as your thighs squeeze roughly against his head. “ah— fuck, sakura, w-wait!”
the way he’s eating you out feels different than what you’re familiar with. the knot in your core feels tighter, you feel wetter— he feels better. your hands come to desperately tug at his hair when it’s too much, and his eyes widen when you unintentionally push him deeper into your cunt.
the pressure of his tongue flicking against your clit one last time is all it takes for you to scream, cunt gushing into him as he licks and suckles at your clit. your walls flutter around nothing, your body numbing from the intensity— but your boyfriend looks the opposite.
“again,” his voice is just above a growl, cheeks still glowing red with embarrassment, “let me practice again.”
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TOGAME JO. phone call / keep quiet, overstim
the sudden ringing of his phone catches the attention of the two of you, screen lighting up brightly as it vibrates against the mattress. togame’s thrusts slow down a bit, reaching to fish it from somewhere underneath the blankets to check the caller.
"ah, it's choji."
his voice comes out completely normal, as if he wasn’t balls deep inside your cunt just moments ago. it’s almost irritating how limitless his stamina is; your body numb and overstimulated since long ago, and all you’re able to do now is lay there and take what he gives you.
it takes all your energy to try and pull away from him to let him take the call, struggling a bit with the way his big frame is towering over yours, but he suddenly pulls your hips back against his own.
“jo!” you warn through a hushed whisper, eyes narrowing into a glare as the cheerful melody of his ringtone repeats itself again. your eyes widen when he puts a finger to his lips to silence you, and you realize that he’s planning on answering it without stopping.
a hand wraps around your neck, pulling you up until your back is flush against his chest, his thickness nestled right against your cervix with the angle. “gonna stay nice and quiet for me while i answer choji,” he coos into the shell of your ear, “won’t you?”
“because we’re not done just yet..”
your body falls back onto the mattress when he lets go, and you grasp onto one of your pillows to stuff your face into when he resumes his pace, starting slow and deep.
“choji?” togame asks, lifting the phone to his ear to tuck it between his shoulder casually. “ah..today?”
his hands hold your hips firmly as he picks up the pace, balls slapping against your clit as his tip prods at your cervix with each movement, and you can only hope it’s not loud enough for the mic to pick up. togame feels differently than usual, the drag and stretch of his length against your walls much more noticeable when you’re trying to keep quiet.
“that’s really last minute….mhm,” a small grunt forces its way out, “i’ll come after i finish what i’m doing here.”
there’s a sharp thrust of his hips and you can’t help the little yelp that escapes your lips. togame stiffens above you, hands gripping your hips to keep you still as the two of you wait to see if choji had heard you.
“noise…? nah, it must have been my phone. it’s old.”
your thighs are trembling against his, knot inside your core still threatening to snap even after he’s ripped orgasm after orgasm from you. “let me check the door though. hold on,” togame clicks the mute button before tossing his phone beside your head, suddenly pounding into you with more strength.
“f-fuck!” you cry when his cock hits a particular spot inside you, and you’re cumming just like that, gushing around him and screaming as your walls fluttering wildly against him. there’s a deep groan from him as he clenches his jaw, pace not faltering as he rapidly approaches his own high.
he lets you fall limp onto the bed, mind numb from each orgasm he’s pulled from you after your stunt tonight. “you gotta stay quiet,” he rasps, hands still holding your hips up for him, “wouldn’t want choji to hear you getting stuffed full for the third time tonight, right?”
his words send a shiver down your spine, walls clenching around his length at the thought. you’re so tired, too tired to do anything except cling onto the sheets beneath you, and you know he’s not even close to his limit.
“…or would you like choji to hear…?”
you shake your head quickly, drawing a small chuckle from togame. he picks up his phone again, giving you a warning squeeze around your hips before he’s unmuting his mic. “ahh…” he starts, “it was nothing. anyways, i’ll see you later, choji. i’m hanging up.”
he hangs up abruptly, letting out a deep groan he didn’t know he’s been holding in for the last minute when he feels your walls eagerly flutter around his length. togame’s quick to cage you underneath him, strong arms planted on either side of your head as his pace begins to falter, hips stuttering as he quickly approaches his high.
“so impatient…squeezing my dick like that. want me to fill you up nice and full, huh?”
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UMEMIYA HAJIME. creampie, pet names, multiple rounds
"c'mon," umemiya grunts from above you, hips slowing their movement against yours, "you know you can't convince me with something like that."
he's gentle when he lowers himself onto his forearms, forehead pressing against yours as if searching for his answer. your bottom lip curls into a small frown, eyes shifting their gaze away from your boyfriend. he's always so good— knows exactly how to get you trembling underneath him in an instant, and you hate it. you hate the way your expression starts to contort and the way he’s pulling the most lewd sounds from you.
"it's embarrassing," you murmur, voice barely above a whisper, "the faces i make."
his eyes widen a bit at the confession, as if the idea of you being embarrassed wasn’t even a possibility in the first place. there's a experimental thrust of his hips, his cock nudging your cervix, and you can't help the small gasp that escapes.
“i don’t think that,” he coos, heavy cock stretching you so perfectly as he starts to move against you again, “don’t be shy.”
"f-fuck.." you gasp, because he feels too good. his chest is slick with sweat, the muscles of his arms flexing beside your head as he gazes down on you, intent on gauging each and every reaction his cock rips from you. “that’s good,” he whispers when your eyebrows furrow at the stimulation, “just like that. keep your eyes on me.”
he's getting rougher with each roll of his hips, thick length reaching impossibly deep inside your cunt. the back of your hand comes to cover your mouth when you feel the familiar knot tightening in your core, eyes clenching shut to fight it.
"nuh uh," ume's voice comes out a little breathless from the pace, his hands coming to pry yours off of your face, "no more hiding from me."
"u-ume," you protest with a huff, legs wrapping around his middle to keep him deep inside you, "just give it to me. please?"
he chuckles a bit, big hand coming to squeeze at your face, puckering your lips out. "oh, i will— i’ll give you what you need, pretty thing," he grunts when your walls flutter around his cock at the nickname, "so keep your eyes on me."
his fingers stay around your face, angling your head to face him when he sets a rough pace, balls slapping against your skin with each movement.
"wanna see you nice and clear when you cum for me, okay?"
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hellishjoel · 8 months
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cherry thrill | lights
9.2k / pairing: daddy dom tattoo artist!joel miller x sub virgin f!reader
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series masterlist | main masterlist | notifications blog | ko-fi chapter summary: your tattoo artist, joel miller, takes your virginity. chapter warnings/information: MA 18+ (minors DNI), no outbreak, implied age gap, swearing, virginity loss, dom&sub dynamics (/not lg), size kink, praise kink, degradation kink, daddy kink, innocence kink, corruption kink, swearing, dirty talk, pet names (princess, bunny, baby girl, sweetheart, etc.), oral (m&f receiving), fingering, protected p in v, joel talks you through it, protective!joel, slight pov switching, reader is described as having no tattoos or piercings, as well as hair, but otherwise no physical description, no use of y/n series summary: Trust and devotion. Ink meets innocence. Your tattoo artist, Joel Miller, shows you what it really means to give up control. Reeling from the loss of your job, you’re running out of options, until a passing comment from Joel and a video camera give you just the right idea. A/N: this was supposed to be a one shot but just like everything else I try to write, I expand on the characters too much for it not to become a series. also, thank you for 2,000 followers, I promise to do something soon to show my appreciation <3 I'm bad at giving thanks and receiving attention so anyway - dividers by @firefly-graphics (thank you, daisy!)
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During your first consultation, there was something in the air. 
Glances that lasted a few seconds too long, a charged energy replicating that of two strong magnets.  You stand frozen in a dark office down the hall from the shop’s main entrance. The walls are painted black. A gallery wall displays different art and posters in gold frames. There’s a large red neon sign with your tattoo artist’s initials, J.M. 
Joel Miller. 
You sit opposite of him, leg anxiously bouncing and nails subconsciously piercing the chair’s leather arms as he listens silently to your request before his mind starts to work. It doesn’t take much time to draw up an example or two with your guided tweaks and fixes. 
Other than the scribble of a graphite pencil, silence falls over you both. And observation takes over. 
Joel surrounds himself with scattered drawings on loose paper that litter his desk. You watch the way his eyes screw inward to focus on the sketch he is drawing up. A small vein protrudes from his temple, his jaw shifts from side to side with tension. 
He’s a blunt sort of handsome. With harsh edges and lines, jaded and carved with precision like precious marble. It makes your pulse jump a bit in your neck and wrist. 
You think your first tattoo should be something special, especially since you’ve waited so long to pull the trigger. He was a bit intimidating like you imagined a tattoo artist to be, what with his brooding demeanor and how he looked you up and down upon taking one step inside his parlor. 
Virgin. 
That’s what he called your skin, untouched by any ink or piercings. 
He didn’t know that it described you down to your core. No one had popped your cherry, taken your virginity, made you theirs. Untouched.
Now, half an hour later and sitting anxiously in his back office, he finishes drawing up the sketch and asks about the precise placement you had in mind. 
“I was thinking here,” you mindlessly point to a spot on your upper thigh. There was a level of secrecy to it, in case any future employers cared about that sort of shit. 
You can’t help the way your skin vibrates under his touch, when he aids you in taking off your bottoms and runs his calloused palms up the smooth skin of your thighs. 
You shakily exhale as he warms you. 
You definitely don’t let yourself fantasize that he’s feeling you up, or even think about wanting him to explore every inch of your body. You know he’s just doing his job. 
But the way his eyes flick up to yours when he feels the goosebumps he knows he’s created is otherworldly. Like he knows you want him to fuck you. The way your muscles twitch under the warmth of his palm, feeling pliant under his touch. Fuck. 
His eyes gleam as his mouth forms into a barely-there smirk. 
There was no point in playing coy. Your body changed at the contact and Joel knew it. 
It was damn near degrading the way he let you simmer. It set a light inside of you no one had before. So that’s when you knew you’d let him, Joel Miller, take your virginity. 
It would be no easy task. You didn’t know how to pursue him, or anyone for that matter. Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have said virginity. 
You try not to stare for too long, but even with his gruff demeanor and silence being second nature to him, he was handsome. A rugged sort of handsome with different facial piercings. 
A septum in his nose highlighted its aquiline structure. And a small hoop in his right eyebrow, with greys tickling through like pretty streaks in the hair. It made him look deliciously too old for you. Perhaps that’s what you enjoyed most, though. He was no amateur. 
The moment his fingers dipped into your flesh to work on your tattoo's placement, you knew he felt it, too. Supple under his touch. Squishy. Something he could sink his teeth into. Something that obeyed. 
“You prepared for the pain, sweetheart?”
His southern drawl is sweet like honey, deep and husky nonetheless. 
“I think so.” 
Your response is meek. It’s your wavering nerves from having him so close and unsure what the feeling of being tattooed will be like. Joel looks for certainty instead. He insists on it. 
“Need ya t’tell me. Not that you think, that you know.”
“I’m sorry. I know so.”
Joel squeezes the back of your thigh fondly, a proud little smile twitching at the edges of his mouth. “Good girl.”
The praise alone was enough to make your thighs sticky with arousal. Joel sent you home that day with an ache between your legs that your fingers had to fix. And you thought about him the entire time. 
How his cold tongue piercing would feel against the warmth of your clit. Holding you with his strong, protective arms swirled with black ink. How his staggering dark eyes would look into yours as he fucks you. 
But thinking about him wasn’t enough. 
You tried to string out the process, anything you could do to fix more time with him. Anything to get his tough palms on your skin. 
You fiddled with different placements, opting to show a little skin as you rid yourself of your top and pointed to your ribs during your next appointment. 
A breath hitches in your throat as he eyes your bra's innocent pink color. Lacy and pretty. Delicate. He clears his throat and runs his fingers along your side, evidence of his touch causing an effect on you displayed with more goosebumps. Your body could simply not hide the attraction you felt towards him. 
“Would hurt. A lot. The ribs move every time you breathe, which makes the tattooing process more painful.” Joel gently cups your side with his large palm and squeezes your ribs, holding you in place as you shakily breathe with the hold he has on you. “Can’t tell ya where to place it, can only advise. Just don’t want such a pretty girl to shed any tears.” 
That’s when you knew you could trust him. That even a man as hardened as himself could treat you with such care. 
He excuses himself for a moment, opting for more transfer paper and leaving you topless in his private office. 
Your ears were ringing, you could hear the quickening beat of your heart. You slowly inch off the portable tattoo table, glancing around Joel’s dark academia-style office. 
He’s an enigma, you think, the more you look at his surroundings. Quiet but dark, you knew he was concealing a hidden desire. You hope to unlock it. That he’ll trust you enough just as you trust him. 
Articles of clothing start to drop to the floor, one by one. You knew you’d be ambushing him; you didn’t want to scare Joel. So you left yourself in your soft pink-colored bra and panty set. You thought it was classy and cute. Not too forward, but sweet. Definitely planned out, you hope he doesn’t notice. 
All your confidence quickly disappears as soon as he comes back in through the door. You could feel your heart slowly sink to your stomach, your lips parting to come up with some sort of reasoning. 
“I-I’m sorry,” is all you can think to say. Joel is stilled at the entrance of his office, door still ajar as he blankly stares at the delicate angel standing in the middle of his office. 
He clears his throat and finally closes the door, leaving the two of you in silence. You can’t read his expression. 
“What do ya think you’re doin’?” He asks, sweet southern drawl dripping with tension as his heavy boots slowly make their way closer to you. 
You can only shake your head, unsteady hands concealing as much of your body as possible. You decide to face the mirror, keeping your back to him. 
“I’m sorry, Mr. Miller, I was just-” Lie. “I was just looking at your full-length mirror to see other placement ideas.” 
Joel merely shakes his head, a knowing look in his eyes. “I can tell when you’re lyin’ t’me, baby girl. You wanna try tellin’ me the truth now?”
His tone only makes the ache in your core grow with desire as your pulse quickens under his eyeline. 
You feel embarrassed, heat coursing through your body and making you tingle as his stare lingers selfishly, basking in the glory of your figure. You watch with want in the reflection as his eyes stare at the curves of your hips and your ass. A handful, he probably thinks. 
“Come on, sweetheart,” he coaxes, moving closer and enveloping you in his musky pine and whiskey scent. It’s almost knowing what he says next. “Tell me what y’want.” 
You swallow the lump protruding in your throat before you decide to be honest with him. Like you said, you could trust him. You play with your fingers and pick at the skin by your nails.
“I want you.” You say barely above a whisper. 
Joel simply shakes his head, takes another impossible step closer, and cranes his head down to hear you better. His lips and coarse beard hairs tickle at the shell of your ear. 
Your eyes close shyly as he speaks again amid your silence. 
“Say it again, baby. Can’t hear ya.” His toned front meets your back, forcing a whimper past your lips. 
You work up the nerve to take a glance at the two figures in the gold-framed mirror. Perfect opposites. Young, beautiful, a little inexperienced. Older, handsome, sure as hell looks like he knows what he’s doing. 
His height looms over you. His eyes are an unknown shade of obsidian and he’s radiating a comforting warmth. Your hand reaches for his, only able to look him in the eyes through the glass as you guide his hand to your hip. 
Your thumb rolls across the faded tattoo on the backside of his hand. There used to be a cross there, but it looks to be covered up by some sort of python now. With a shaky sigh, you try again. “I want you, Mr. Miller. I want you to take my virginity.” 
You’ve prepared yourself to hear his laughter, a snickering, degrading comment of disbelief. You felt ready to experience shame. But you were wrong. 
Joel places his pointer finger under your chin, using his other hand to guide you in his hold to turn and face him. His thumb grazes over your lower lip as he guides your head to tilt up and look at him properly. Your soft eyes meet his lust-driven ones and your heart surges at the sight. 
You’ve never seen a man so hungry. 
“You want me to take your virginity, little bunny?” He hums seductively. Suddenly, you don’t feel so doomed. It’s placed with a little bit of eagerness now. You wanted your spoils. 
“Yes. Want you to do whatever you desire with me, I’ll do anything you want.” You sound like a devoted cult member, but the energy you feel is undeniable. You’re sure you’ve soaked through your panties at this point. 
Slowly but surely, Joel begins to nod. He’s mulled it over and he’s made up his mind. 
“Whatever I desire, huh?” He tuts almost degradingly. Your nod of enthusiasm makes his blood rush. 
He hesitates, untrusting of his own words. 
“Want you to call me Daddy,” He starts haphazardly, gauging your reaction. “Think you can do that, sweet girl?”
Your wide eyes soften, a notch of confusion knotting your eyebrows. 
“You- what?” 
“Want you to call me daddy. Want you to be a good little girl for me and hop up on that desk. Can ya do that for me, princess?” His chin juts up and signals toward his office desk. 
The swirling in your stomach just won’t stop. 
“Go on now.” His orotund voice projects his instructions. You back up a few paces until you feel the cool metal of his desk hit your backside, slowly moving to sit on it with hidden excitement and a shiver up your spine. 
You do want to be good, if there’s anything you want in this world right now, it’s to play along and be good for him. Knowing he would take care of you was making you leak. 
His fingertips delicately touch your skin, starting at your wrists and moving upwards to the straps on your bra. He’s intimidating to look at, so you fixate on something behind him. But it doesn’t help when he clouds your vision. Even his aroma, from the smoke of his cigarettes to the musky spruce cologne, was putting you in a tailspin. 
You don’t anticipate the way your body moves for him. His hands skim to the back of your bra, and your spine straightens. It makes the right side of his mouth twitch up into a smirk. 
“Nervous?” He belittles.
Your long lashes innocently flutter, you think you might be doing it on purpose. You sort of like playing along. 
“A little… Daddy.” You test cautiously, the word tangling on your tongue. But it’s unforgettable the way his eyes light up at the name. You find yourself already willing to do whatever it takes to recreate that signature look of his. 
Joel hums appreciatively, thumb making minuscule circles over your chin. “I’ll take care of ya. Ya know that. Or else you wouldn’t have chosen me.”
All you can do is nod. Because he knows that your selection process was a real thing. You had danced around it once during your first consultation when he asked if you had a boyfriend. All you could feel was heat rising to the back of your neck, shy eyes evading his warm brown orbs. 
“No, definitely not.” 
“What’d’ya mean definitely not? You’re a pretty girl.”  
You shrug in a noncommittal way. “I’ve never had to really worry about stuff like… boyfriends. Or girlfriends. Any of that sort of stuff.” 
His eyes flicked up to yours in an instant, a mutual understanding of your underlying words. “I see. I understand, angel.” 
Joel works your bra off with one hand, you gasp as you feel the material loosen around your body. His opposite hand taps at the top of your thigh. You’re all too aware you are eagerly sitting half-naked on his desk. 
“Open.” He directs, voice laced with smoke. 
You nip at your lower lip and slowly inch your clamped-shut thighs open for him. He instantly makes eye contact with the wet, dark little circle that’s ruining the pristine innocence of your panties. 
He decides not to make fun of it, but it’s truly a compliment. Your adoration for him. “This all for me, angel?”
You work up a few quick nods. Now that he was so close, you wanted him to hurry the hell up.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?” 
You feel heat tingle at the sides of your neck. This would be your first time really talking like this with someone. He made it feel safe to talk so dirty. To try, to learn. 
“Yes, daddy.”
You can’t deny how proud you feel to be the reason a certain warmth brightens in his eyes and on his smirk. You did that, you pleased him. Little did you know how he’d thank you for it. 
“You said you’re a virgin? Hard to believe.”
A shaky sigh leaves your parted lips as his warm palms slowly pull your bra down, revealing your breasts to him. “Just never found anyone I really trusted or liked enough.” 
He mutters something quiet in understanding, all too distracted by how damn pretty you look. 
Joel is silently observing your body, he can’t help but want to touch the delicate flower in front of him. A gasp leaves your parted lips as his calloused hands come up and cup your breasts. He starts to squeeze, and a happy little whimper leaves your mouth with a small smile. 
“I like that.” You tell him, hoping it improves your chances that he’ll do it again. Which he does. 
“Good.” He compliments, pinching your nipples between his thumb and forefinger, turning them into peaks that send electricity down your spine. 
A sweet and experimental moan leaves your lips. Joel stands between your parted legs and you feel his erection for the first time against your skin. You can tell by the shape protruding through his pants that he’s a large man, already thick and swollen for your taking. 
“No one’s ever been inside of you?” He damn near growls, raising an eyebrow after the beat he offers you to answer.  
You shake your head again. “I’ve tried my fingers, but I’m sure it’s not the same.” 
A scoffy little breath echoes out of his nose. “No, not quite. Lay back for me, bunny.” His hands release your breasts, pebbled nipples left abandoned as you slowly move down onto your elbows and then onto your back. 
There was a sudden peak of anxiety, not being able to fully see him. But perhaps this was the point, to fully surrender yourself under his touch. To trust him. 
His rough hands grip the sides of your panties, slowly pulling them down your legs. He gets about halfway down your thighs before you quickly sit up on your elbows again. 
“Joel?” Your voice anxiously chirps. 
He stops, eyes flicking up to you from your cunt still concealed by your sticky thighs. 
“We can stop,” He says before you can explain. “S’okay if you’re not ready.”
“No, no, that’s not it, God, that’s not it,” You rid his worries, feeling your chest quickly rise and fall under his all of a sudden protective gaze. 
“I uh-... I know you don’t owe me this, we’re not together, but… can you talk me through what you’re doing? I want to learn, and I can tell you’re experienced, I know it’s a lot to ask but-”
“S’not too much to ask.” He quickly intervenes, gently taking your hands and guiding you to sit up fully once more. Your soft eyes graze over all the layers he’s still wearing, and suddenly you’re reminded how naked you are. 
“Use your voice, sweet girl. Can tell you wanna say somethin’. This is your time.” 
The sentiment means a lot. It is your time, your first time, and just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean it should be any less special. So you decide to make it your time, the way you want it. 
“Can you take your clothes off too? And is the door locked?” You trail off upon seeing his amused smirk. 
“Go on.” He nods again, letting you list your needs and wants. 
“And can you kiss me, please, Daddy?” You ask more softly than the rest of your demands. You know that kissing is romantic, but you think it might help settle you. Pull you back from drifting away, keep you here with him.  
He watches you for a moment, a bemused grin on his lips before he gently cradles your face. “The door’s locked. I’ll take my clothes off. And I’ll kiss you as many times as you like as long as you keep askin’ that nice.” 
For the first time during your interaction, your face lights up with a smile. It’s small, it’s thankful, but it’s there. There was an undeniable connection you shared with Joel, it made you feel safe under his curious eyes. 
With his large hands cupping either side of your jaw, he leans down while simultaneously guiding your chin up as your lips meet. It’s gentle at first, soft. His mouth tastes like a cigarette, it’s oddly intoxicating and you find yourself wanting more.
You know how to make out at the very least. So when you gently bite down and tug on Joel’s lower lip, both of your eyes open as a throaty little groan escapes him. 
He kisses you a little harder this time, hands falling to your hips as he pulls you closer so your fronts align. The force makes your lips part and Joel takes the opportunity to let his tongue invade your mouth. He moves fluently to explore, both of you falling into a sweet lull as your bodies meld into one. 
Inadvertently, he hooks his pointer finger into your panties halfway down your thighs and finishes pulling them to your ankles. They land somewhere on the floor in a pile of your other clothes. 
Unbeknownst to you until he took his hands off your body to pluck open his belt do you realize how you were on fire for him. 
You wonder while he pushes down his trousers and tugs off his shirt if he’s ever slept with a virgin before. If you’d be his version of a first time just like he’d be yours. No, not his first ever, you weren’t that foolish. But maybe you could teach him a thing or two as well. 
There’s no way to mask your surprise when he pushes down his boxer briefs, the dark band revealing all that was underneath. His half-hard cock raises towards his stomach, rosiness fluttering at his tip. You were pleasantly surprised to find that it was a little hooked, deliciously curving upwards. 
With a new sense of confidence, your hand reaches forward and you start to shift your hand up and down his length. Joel’s quiet grunt shatters your thoughts. He gently cups the side of your neck and twirls a piece of hair around his finger. 
Joel takes your hand off his cock and you worry you’ve done something wrong already. He holds it palm-side up and nods encouragingly. “Spit on your hand, baby.”
He nods after you look up at him with shy, blown-out eyes. But you obey. 
You spit into your hand and let him guide your hand back around his member. That seems a lot better. He glistens with your spit and you have the urge to keep shocking him with your confidence.
You lean forward and directly spit onto his tip, looking up to see his approving little smirk. 
“Fuck- That’s- mmm, that’s good, angel,” he sighs with a certain happiness, loving the feeling of getting his cock taken care of. “Feels real good.” 
The praise sets off a million pistons in your brain, feeling yourself scrabble off the desk,  dropping to your knees as you continue to pump him. 
He’s heavy in your hand, and you gently lean forward to give sweet kisses to the tip. You swallow the lump in your throat before parting your lips, taking the head of his cock into your mouth. He’s salty, musky, but not dirty. In fact, he was rather well-kempt in his nether regions. 
You force yourself deeper and Joel already has his hands in your hair to pause you. 
“Woah, slow your roll, pretty girl.” He says with shortened breaths. Heat floods your body, you hate being so new to this. 
Joel continues to stroke your hair back, gently gliding a thumb up your cheekbone before he cradles one side of your face. “I see you gettin’ all shy, I know this is your first time, but I’ll teach you the basics. And no one’s perfect on their first try, okay? So just get that thought outta your head now.”
Your chest swells at his eagerness to relax you, so you nod gently and lean in to kiss the base of his stomach in appreciation. The right side of his mouth tilts up as he swipes his thumb across your plump bottom lip, a silent thank you for the kiss. 
“You’re a real good girl, you know that?” A bigger smile breaks across your lips and you eagerly tug on his cock with eagerness. Joel sighs, already in defeat at how you’re willing to get it right for him, to learn, to listen. To obey. 
“You’re gonna wanna relax your jaw,” his fingers guide you, your lips parting and letting your jaw drop lower, lower, lower for him. “And the whole part is to suck, not just put your mouth on it, okay, peaches? So hollow your cheeks, no teeth, and only go as far as you feel comfortable.” 
You shake off your nerves and clear your throat, feeling your mouth fill with spit intended for him. You place your hands on the back of his thighs, feeling the dark hairs under the pads of your fingers. 
Slowly, you wrap your mouth around his tip once more. You swirl your tongue around him, adoring the way he hisses when you glide your tongue across the slit leaking a salty substance. 
Over the introduction, you try to take him down your throat properly. And he’s a mouthful, literally. He’s a lot. But you try to just enjoy that there’s no real pressure. 
A lot of saliva starts to build in your mouth, and you swallow it around him. You’re awestruck when he lets out a low moan, strong hands weaving through your hair and lightly tugging. Your eyes flutter up to him through your lashes, and he’s looking at you so deliciously. 
You can tell he wants to fuck your mouth, holding his hips back from really letting you have it. And maybe he could do that to you someday, but for now, today was slow. And Joel knew that too. 
Joel gently tucks your hair back, your lips suctioning around his length before he drags you back towards him, indicating for you to start moving, to bob your head. 
It takes a few tries, but you really feel yourself going further down his cock. You breathe through your nose, but it’s hard when you’re trying not to gag around him. Finally, after little to no error, you slip up. His tip unexpectedly hits the back of your throat and you gag around him.  Joel must feel your whole body tense with anxiety because he’s quick to gently hush and console you. Your eyes well up with tears, but your first instinct is to keep him inside your mouth and swallow around him. 
A long, low groan leaves Joel’s mouth, a compliment to your first big challenge. 
“Holy fuck,” he pants, weaving his fingers into your hair and fisting eagerly to keep himself grounded. “You’re doin’ so fuckin’ well, princess, you have no idea, fuck,” he grins. “Try using your hands on what you can’t take, come on, baby.” 
You can feel yourself physically gush at his compliments, your stomach swirling with a newfound desperation. To please. 
With new instructions, you work your hand at his base and pump up and down with the rhythm of your mouth. You worked on gently squeezing and releasing your hand, making Joel go slack-jawed as a husky groan leaves the back of his throat. Sucking and licking and bobbing your head in earnest, he’s already twitching in your mouth. 
“You’ve done this before baby,” his voice drips with a smirk, pulling yourself off for some deep breaths and a few desperate swallows. 
“Haven’t, promise, Joel,” You coo with a proud little smile, your voice thick and wrecked as you continue to pump his cock in the absence of your mouth. 
Joel lets your hair go and guides your hand off his cock before helping you up from the floor. 
Your face is obviously written with disappointment, you could have continued. You sort of wanted to continue despite the ache hanging around in your jaw. 
“You were gonna make me come, don’t wanna come yet, angel,” Joel pants weakly, ducking down and connecting your lips. You’re a little taken aback. Not by the kiss, but by the fact you already had him nearly ready to finish. 
“Really?” You murmur hopefully against his mouth, wishing he wasn’t just saying it to compliment you. 
The way that his features started to twitch and his tummy and chest fluttered with his jagged breathing, it would have been quite a sight to see him finish. Maybe he would have even done it right on your tongue. The thought alone gives you goosebumps. 
Your insides swirl as he licks inside of your mouth and gently runs his tongue along your bottom lip, moving you back towards his desk. You hop up without his instruction, feeling him smirk against your pouted mouth. 
“Now you’re gettin’ a hang of things.” He murmurs into your mouth, carrying on where he had left off before, sinking down to his own knees at the edge of the desk and positioning your feet to rest up on the edge. He seems to stare at the glistening arousal you’ve been creating for the last hour straight. 
That nervous feeling settles in your stomach, completely bare and open for him. A shocked gasp leaves your mouth, not prepared for him already to be diving into your pussy. 
The breadth of his tongue slowly swipes up the center of your core, purposely flicking off of your clit and making you yelp at the contact. His cold tongue piercing against your sensitive bundle made a shiver shoot up your spine. 
He gently smirks as he places a sweet kiss on the inside of your thigh. “You’re jumpy, kitten. Take a breath. Wanna make you feel real good.” 
You let out a shaky sigh and move off your elbows, back flat on his desk as your eyes slowly drift close. Then, as he starts to truly taste you, learning you and what you like, it’s unexpected how much you enjoy it. It never really dawned on you that some people truly enjoy eating pussy, but Joel Miller sure does. 
Your broken little whimpers and strung-out moans turn into writhing on his desk under him. He was such an expert, meticulously swirling his tongue around you and suckling your clit into his mouth. 
It didn’t take long for your fingers to wind up into his hair as his shoulders lay bracketed between your thighs. It was heavy, it was stomach-twisting, in fact, it was rolling through you like a storm. The it in question was your first oral orgasm. 
“J-Joel,” you gasp, your jaw dropping down as he slowly prods the tip of his finger at your entrance. 
“Need to get you ready for my cock, sweet girl, keep focusing on how good you feel,” he encourages. Your face pinches as his finger slowly sinks into your entrance, but you realize how grateful you are for all the extra spit and arousal Joel has provided. 
It doesn’t necessarily hurt, it’s a weird ache at first. But then his finger starts to slowly pump inside of you, and it’s a new craving. Especially with the way his tongue moves around your clit, the pistons in his brain firing all to figure out what you like. 
Do you like when he flicks your clit with his cold metal piercing?
“Ohmygod-” you gasp. 
Do you like when he swirls his naughty tongue around you in tight figure eights? 
“Joel, please,” you say, needing more. 
Did you like it most when he suckles around your sweet bud?
“Joel!” You cry out, tugging tighter at his hair, not sure if you want to tug him closer for more or push him away because it feels too good. 
“O-Oh, oh my god.” Lying still was a foreign thing to you now, all you could do was wiggle and grip your fingers into his hair, tugging harshly as he grunted against your core in enjoyment. 
He actually likes pleasing you, he likes tasting you! It’s a compliment without words as your eyes dip close and your head digs back into the desk.
Suddenly, your stomach starts to drop like you’re on a rollercoaster. You’re not unfamiliar with the feeling of an orgasm, but this, oral, it hits differently. 
“Fuck,” you curse unexpectedly, making Joel cock up an eyebrow as he glances up at you. All you can do is watch as his mouth suckles harder around you, his finger pumping faster and adding a second. 
Because if there’s anyone in this world that can break you out of your shell, Joel wants it to be him. 
Now you’re really aching for him,  wishing that it was his cock slotted between your walls, pushing you towards euphoria. 
“Know you wanna come for me angel,” his fingers quirk upwards in a come here motion, and a long, strung-out moan of his name leaves your lips.
God forbid any of the shop’s workers or clients hear you, but you can’t think of a singular reason to care right now. 
Your walls flex and squeeze around Joel’s two fingers, truly feeling the stretch as you come around his digits. It leaves you a whimpering mess on his desk, hot pants leaving your pretty lips. 
Joel is in heaven, lapping you up and moaning against your core as your clit starts to twitch with the overstimulation. His hands squeeze at the flesh of your thighs before he sits up and kisses up your body, his own lips meeting yours. He’s hungry, and you’re still bouncing back. But you want it so bad, and you’re so close to finally having it. 
“Joel, I’m ready.” You coo, wrapping your arms around his neck. 
He breathily laughs and pecks your lips once more, tasting your own arousal and making you feel warm inside. 
“Desperate for my cock, ain’t that right, pretty girl?” 
God, he was such a menace with his mouth. Your adorably shy grin is all the answer he needs. But you give him one anyway, because he likes when you talk like that with him. 
“Yes, daddy, I just wanna feel it already,” you try out, Joel’s lust-filled eyes meeting yours as white-hot heat spills into your stomach. 
“I’ll give it to ya, baby girl. Wanna give that tight little virgin pussy my cock, don’t want anyone else to have ya. Mine.” Joel huskily grunts, a choked moan leaving your lips. 
Joel reaches past your head and to the drawer on the other side of the desk. He jimmies it open and searches his hand around blindly. He flips open his wallet and pulls a small square foil package from the slot. 
Oh, duh, a condom. In all your excitement, you sort of forgot to be safe. But you’re glad he was prepared. 
You watch with adoration on your features as Joel lifts the condom to his lips, pearly teeth ripping the foil off but not hurting the condom. His other hand rests sweetly on your hip, thumb running soothing circles into your pretty skin. 
It’s a soothing feeling, one that he doesn’t have to do, but he does because he’s being considerate and maybe even a little protective. You gently lay your hand on his forearm, fingers tracing fresh black ink and older green ink on his arm’s sleeve. 
A shaky sigh leaves your lips as he uses both hands to glide the condom down his shaft. It’s nearly invisible, the way it’s so thin and tightly wrapped around his cock. Besides the band that rests at the very bottom of his shaft. He grumbles something incoherent, probably his annoyance with the fussing of the condom and how tight it probably felt around him.  
You take in a shaky breath and nod at him once he comes to rejoin your centers. 
“You’re sure you’re ready for this? Don’t wanna wait for someone y’love? Or trust? Or just... Anybody but me?” Joel’s face is pinched with genuine concern. 
You smile softly and gently cup his cheek. “I do trust you. It takes a lot of trust to allow someone to alter your body forever with a tattoo. So, you’re giving me a tattoo, and you’re taking my virginity. You’re sort of doubling down for me right now, honestly.” 
Joel flashes a genuine little smile. It’s the most you’ve said consistently all day with him, even with a little drip of sarcasm and wit. 
“Okay. But ya gotta say it.” He says more seriously. 
“I’m ready, Daddy. Want you to make me feel good. I know you can.” You can already feel yourself picking up his dirty talk. It makes your smile twitch as you gently grip both of his forearms, his hands spreading your thighs open for him. 
He enters the space, his heavy cock resting over your core and slowly slipping up and down your wet folds. 
You let out an unexpected little scoff as he grinds himself down against you, your arousal soaking the condom. He holds himself at his base and taps his tip down against your already throbbing clit, making you hiss out a desperate whine. 
“M’not usually this… gentle.” He admits through gritted teeth. You’re sort of shocked by that. Sure, he has a rough and tough exterior, but he’s treated you with such delicacy that you assumed he was like this all the time. 
“So, what are you usually like?” You pose, your breath hitching in your throat as one of his hands abandons your thighs and guides his tip from your clit to your entrance, up and down, several times. Your thighs twitch impatiently. Your entrance squeezes around nothing. 
“M’just... not this gentle,” is all he can say without breaking into a bemused smile. 
“Yeah? Maybe you can show me next time what you’re really like.” 
Joel playfully scoffs as his face starts to pierce with concentration. “Not sure if you can handle it, kitten.” 
“I’m sure I-” your words are cut off by a loud gasp, your lips parting as his tip penetrates your walls. You’re phased for a moment before you gulp and recollect yourself. You whimper, louder and louder as he pushes on, watching Joel move with such caution. 
He really is holding back, you think. You wonder what he’s like when he can just fuck how he pleases. 
“Baby,” Joel’s voice breaks your concentration. “Breathe.” 
A loud huff of air leaves your mouth that you hadn’t even realized you were holding in. The ache in your hips and core only builds with tension as Joel pushes on, his length and girth surely parting your tight walls. 
“So fuckin’- tight.” He says with gritted teeth, his fingers piercing into the delicate flesh of your outer thighs, making you whimper. 
“Joel,” you quietly cry for him, tears threatening to spill at the pain. It’s just- a lot. It’s a lot for your first time, and maybe you wouldn’t have signed up if you knew what he was packing, but in a weird way, you loved it. He felt made for you. 
“M’here, angel, look at me.” In all the excitement and overwhelming feelings of pain and pleasure, you hadn’t even noticed you were clenching your eyes closed. You slowly peek them open, greeted by his heavenly features. 
“There’s my girl.” He compliments, warmth and sweetness shooting through your body. 
“Fuck,” you say, your voice a bit wet as Joel comes down closer to aid you. He’s all the way in now, you can feel his balls flushed against your sopping wet cunt. 
The arousal helps, the condom sort of doesn’t but it’s fine, that’s life, you think. You’re torn between pain and pleasure. Honestly, you just feel so fucking full. 
He tells you between breathy pants that he would have used lube if he had any, but he didn’t, and he’s sorry, and his pretty voice starts to turn into static with how fucking good he feels inside of you. 
“You’re doing so good for me, angel,” he praises, sponging a few kisses along your cheeks and tasting your salty tears. You feel like some weak pathetic being under him. He’s been sweet, but you’re sure he’s just treating you like he found a wounded animal. 
“Move, Joel, please” you weakly demand, lassoing your arms around his neck and holding him close to you. 
“No.” He says through gritted teeth. “Just-” he pauses and takes a deep breath, knowing that you’re dealing with a million emotions right now as he’s trying to breathe around the death grip you have on his cock. “Just wait a minute, sweetheart, let yourself adjust.” 
A pouty, bratty sigh leaves your lips as you continue to blink away tears. You eventually nod and he only smiles adoringly as he returns to kiss at the tears.
Your senses are spiked. You can smell his cologne, feel each gristle of hair from his salt and pepper beard. It’s erotic how much more you can feel while at the edge of your emotions. 
One of your hands roams into his darling chocolate curls, instinctually going to gently scrape your nails delicately against his scalp. You’re sweetly surprised to hear him mutter a sweet little moan just for you against the shell of your ear. 
Your hands flutter across dark tattoos on his shoulders and arms, your blurry vision trying to make out the shapes as you trace a pretty angel on his upper bicep. 
Joel Miller was inside of you. Joel Miller has taken your virginity. The hottest man you’ve ever set your eyes on is fucking you at his place of work, on his desk. And you convinced him to. 
Joel was right. The pain, ache, and burn slowly turned into a real yearning for him to move. It felt like what was right, a certain neediness to be filled and fucked.  
“Daddy,” you whisper more sweetly this time, more to your character. “Please fuck me, you feel good now, I can take it. Promise.” 
It takes him a moment to gather himself as well, smiling sweetly as he keeps his mouth by your breasts where he is sucking a gentle hickey into your soft skin. Color flushes to the area, feeling his teeth gently nibble on the spot before he finally lifts off. 
Marking you, you think. It makes another gush of arousal flood your core, liquifying your spine as you become putty in his hands. 
His mouth twitches in a small smile as he captures your lips. Unbeknownst to you, the sweet kiss was just a distraction. 
Joel slowly began reeling his hips back which was a whole new sensation. His strangled moan harmonized with the gasp you let out into his mouth, moaning out the breath you were holding as he plunges himself fully back inside your warm cunt. 
You whimpered weakly, needy and anxiously happy, you wanted more. More, more, more. 
“Oh- my god,” you whimper, feeling him start a steady rhythm inside of you. Your jaw slowly drops and your eyes flutter closed, feeling your tits start to lightly bounce every time his hips perfectly align with your own. 
“So goddamn tight, still,” he grunts each word, forehead against yours as he watches your face unfold with a million reactions. 
Something primal switches in Joel, knowing he’s the first one to do this sort of stuff with you. 
It’s strangely possessive and arrogant, he knows it, but being the first man you trust to fuck you properly was feeding his ego. You’re a beautiful young woman with big doe eyes who waltzed into his shop and insisted he rail you, take your sacred first, talk you through it, and carry you through this dark and fearful forest. 
You trusted him. He wouldn’t break that bond. 
You came here wanting something, knowing how to get it. You came here asking, and Joel was open to teaching. The last thing he wanted was for some asshole to hurt you, something your sweet nature couldn’t afford was poison. 
Maybe he could teach you more, if you wanted. If he offered you an invitation to his world, would you take it? He only shared a slice of his lifestyle with you today, would the rest scare you, or entice you? 
Joel can’t help the way his hips buck faster at his thoughts, a little sob leaving your lips. He’s absent, just for a moment, feeling your skin slap against his as he holds you down and fills you fully. His tip hits your cervix for the first time and heat floods your stomach as you cry out his name. 
“Shit,” he panics and quickly comes back to his senses, wide eyes meeting your bleary ones, “you okay, angel? M’sorry” Joel whispers, returning to his original rhythm. 
“Yes-yes, fuck, please keep going, keep doing that, I can’t believe how good it feels.” 
Joel weakly smirks, proud to see you taking him so well.
The desk squeaks and juts with each of his heavy thrusts, that’s how you know it’s fucking good. You came here wanting to lose your virginity, but now that you’ve unwound Joel Miller, you want him to fucking rail you. 
Licking your lips, you lean up and pepper kisses up his wirey jawline, feeling the patch of hair that fades out and then back in again. He’s so sweet right now, but you wonder what he was talking about before. What was he when he wasn’t gentle? How good would rough feel? Would you like it? Maybe you could learn, explore, adventure. Surely Joel with his experience could be a guiding light. 
You watch with glittery eyes as Joel pulls his head off yours and licks across the pads of his fingers. 
“What are you- shit,” you whimper as his fingers start circling your clit, taking a moment to find your sweet little rhythm, one that somehow matches his hips. Now, your skin is slapping and it’s echoing around the room. Your moans are louder and uncontrollable, as are Joel’s. Your hips ache but you don’t find the will to care, he feels like fucking heaven. 
His cock is somehow inching deeper, as if your walls have decided to invite him in further, where he hits this perfect little spot inside of you that makes you squeak Joel’s name with robbed breaths. 
You’re not sure if you can hold on much longer, your stomach starts to swirl as all the knots inside your belly begin to untie themselves. 
You brace Joel at his shoulders and look into his eyes as you moan his name. A certain hunger flickers behind his dark brown orbs. His jaw clicks and he starts fucking you in earnest, filling you up each time as his hips snap with vigor. He feels fucking amazing, piercing your walls and marking you as his. 
“Joel-”
“Say what I wanna hear, baby,” he rasps. You quickly nod and gulp. 
“Daddy, please, I-I’m so close,” you moan sweetly as your head digs into the desk, jutting your chin up and arching your back. Joel takes full advantage of your breasts in his face, burying his nose in between them and nipping at the sensitive flesh, nearly making you yelp. 
“M’right there with you, angel baby, come for me,” he insists breathlessly.
His hips were losing their precision, going buck-wild, so you knew he was close. But he was holding out for you. 
You clench your eyes closed, feeling yourself lose all control. Your heart races in your chest, beat thrumming in your throat as you hold Joel against your front as his hips continue to snap and fill you. You don’t know what to do with your mouth, so you feverishly land your lips on his and make him mask the moans of your orgasm. 
Joel’s groan echoes loudly into your mouth as you gasp against his lips. Your walls clench eagerly around his cock as he spills into the condom. 
It’s blinding, deafening even. Your face goes slack and your eyes see stars. You think you might be shedding a tear or two because Joel is cupping your face kindly, thumbs swiping under your eyes as he encourages you out of your haze. 
“Lemme see those eyes, pretty girl,” he pants sweetly, watching for any sign of doubt. But he wouldn’t find any. 
You’re not so sure where he starts and you begin, your mind is so fuzzy. 
A soft hum leaves your lips as you soothingly run a hand through his dark hair again, gently stroking the longer curls away from the sheen on his forehead. Both of you were so warm, it felt like a fire was set between you two. When you curl a strand around your finger, you weakly smile as it coils back up and bounces. 
“How was your first time, angel?” Joel pants, still buried balls deep inside of you. Your hips ache, but part of you wasn’t ready for him to pull out yet. 
“I can’t believe I finished twice.” You admit with a shy smile, running a thumb up his cheekbone and glancing up at his eyebrow piercing. He notices you staring but keeps his eyes on your own.  
“Did it hurt?”
He shakes his head. 
“What about the one in your nose?”
He shakes his head again, this time with a smile. 
“Or your tongue?” 
This one made him ponder before he finally gave a light shrug. 
“You don’t remember the pain after a while. Just like tattoos. The pain is temporary.” 
Your mouth tilts in a lopsided smile, feeling messy with both of your spillages still puddled around your centers. 
Joel grunts as he slowly stands up from his bent-over position on the desk, pulling himself out of you and tying up the condom before he tosses it into the waste bin. 
You whine quietly to yourself as you close your legs. It hurts a little more now. Your hips and your core, a certain soreness. Or maybe it was missing him already. 
“Oh,” you whisper, starting to feel a little bit of leakage glide down your thigh. “Joe, do you-” 
“Course,” Joel says assuringly, hands already on a towel as he neals down and gently glides the material up the inside of your thigh. You bite down on your lip as he cleans you up with the soft towel and a little bit of water. 
You glance around the sterilized room and realize he’ll probably have to scrub this place down for the most part. Whoops. 
You’re slow to dress. Joel’s already buttoned his pants by the time you find your panties. He snickers quietly and helps you dress with a smirk. 
It’s not awkward like you feared it would. It sort of felt like you guys were friends. Then, something sort of unexpected happens. 
Joel fondly strokes a hair out of your face, pushing it behind your ear and smoothing out the little knots he had caused while fisting your hair during his blowjob. He’s soft and gentle with you. It makes you oh so curious what he looks like when he’s not soft and gentle. 
You sigh softly as you look at yourself in the mirror. You sort of felt proud, like you’d be a whole new person leaving the shop today. Even without a tattoo. 
“Joel, I don’t want anyone to see me leaving your office.” 
“That ashamed of me, huh?” He scoffs at you playfully, running his hand up and down his chest hair before he finally throws on his shirt. “I have the back office, so we can just go out that door.” He juts up his chin to behind you and you follow his eyeline. “Goes to the alley behind the shop.” 
You note the dark green painted exit door, and you’re thankful you don’t have to parade through the front of the shop or go past any other clients. 
The gentleman that he is, Joel walks you to your car as dusk settles in, marking the sky an orange and red horizon.  
“I gotta clean up the shop and close. You gonna be okay until I see you next?”
You nod meekly, a sweet smile on your face that twinges with a little shyness. “I’ll be okay. I still need that tattoo.” You tease to which he grins. 
“You do. I’ve worked real hard on it, so you better come back an’get it.” 
You nip at your lower lip as he stays guarded by your window, like a handsome pierced, and tatted bodyguard. 
It’s itching at you too much to let it go. You’re just too curious. “M’not this gentle.” 
“Yeah? Maybe you can show me next time what you’re really like.” 
“Not sure if you can handle it, kitten.” 
You gulp and clutch his hand before he fully stands up to walk away from your car. “You’ll show me again sometime? Like you said?”
Your eyes glimmer with a certain hopefulness, but his own seem to harden out of caution. 
It was just insane that he knew so much more than you. You wanted to unlock all forms of pleasure you were comfortable with. You like that he was holding something back. 
You were wet clay in his massive hands, he could mold you to his liking. You could learn his pleasures, his kinks, what unravels him beyond repair. You could learn a thing or two about yourself in the process. 
Joel sighs. 
“You don’t know what you’re askin’ for.” He warns, lips crooked in a snarl. His eyes beg for you not to want him, not to want this. 
But nothing set your nerves on fire like seeing him in control of you, just that brief second where his eyes flashed from amber to black and he fucked you like nothing or no one was stopping him. What if you gave it all up to him? 
Submissiveness dances behind your eyes, and Joel’s a sucker for that sweet look on your face. He debates if this is what you really want, or if it’s something else. He can’t deny he enjoys the trust you put in him. 
Joel quietly sighs with hesitation, eyes the way your small hand desperately holds his before he finally squeezes back. 
“You don’t know how t’take no for an answer, do ya?” He asks, a small smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth. “That’ll have to change.” 
You grin and nod, biting down on your lower lip as you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Joel takes notice, not wanting to see you in any sort of discomfort, especially from something he caused. 
“Take some pain medicine and relax tonight, angel. You were perfect.” 
Your heart swells at the compliment, the appreciation, the care. He gently pats your window a few times before standing up straight and backing up from your car, moving back towards the dark green exit door. “I’ll see you soon.” 
Driving away, you’re giddy with excitement of the unknown. It was a dark path you wanted to pursue. And maybe it was fucking stupid how you could trust a complete stranger like this, how none of your past partners felt worthy of your first time, but the tattooed and pierced old southern gentleman did. It was fucked. But you were sort of fucked for Joel Miller. 
You hum to the radio as you experience pure adrenaline, thumb gliding over the raised numbers on his business card. You glance down and notice a small stamp of a fern in the top right corner, adjacent to his name and professional title. 
The Obsidian Gallery 
Joel Miller
Senior Tatoo Artist
You can’t explain how your heart inadvertently races as you remember flashes of his hips rutting into yours, those same delicate fern leaves decorating the front of his hips. You were so fucked for Joel Miller. 
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strawberriianime · 5 months
Text
Video Phone
♡ horney calls with JJk men
♡ satoru gojo, suguru geto, nanami kento, toji fushiguro, choso, sukuna.
♡ cw: 18+ content, sex on the phone, descriptions of sex and sex organs, breeding kink if you squint, degradation if you look fast, lots of dirty talk, praise kink (choso), mentions of creampies, mentions of facials, phone sexxxxx...enjoy!
✰ Satoru Gojo
"Can you see how hard I am?"
He flipped the camera showing his hardened dick, the red tip being covered by little beads of precum. His free hand wrapped around his dick stroking up and down slowly, thumb circling at his tip. You heard him let out a low groan as he fastened his pace fist getting more red in the process. "You like that baby?" you heard him speak pulling you out of your trance. "Fuck, wish I was home right now. Miss you so fucking bad." His words cause you to rub your thighs together feeling your own arousal dampen the panties you were wearing. "I bet you're wet as hell, come on baby use the new toy I got you." You felt around the nightstand drawer to find the shiny new glass toy. You quickly discarded your sleep shorts and panties before getting back under the covers. "Come on baby, you know I want to see." You grabbed the phone positioning it so it'll stand before rubbing the toy up and down your slit, the cool sensation sending a shiver up your spine. Circling the toy at your entrance, you pushed it In causing you to let out a high-pitched moan making your back arch slightly. "F-fuck" you heard Satoru groan. Pushing the toy, you began thrusting it in and out as sounds of your arousal flooded the room. "Shit you sound so wet, keep going im almost there." you could hear shuffling as you followed the instruction, moving the toy at a more rapid pace. "Ah fuck I'm going to cum, fuck baby you're doing such a good job. Fuck I miss you so bad....can't wait to get home and fuck my pretty girl. You can't wait until I get back home hmm?" He spews fastening his pace as he watches you please yourself with the toy. You moan feeling yourself clap around the glass to know your orgasm was approaching. "I-Immm about to" "Let it go baby" his words send you over the edge as you orgasm, sliding the toy out in the process. "Miss you so much"
✰ Suguru Geto
"It's not the same"
You whine out using your two fingers to circle your clit before pushing them inside. "You can do it" you hear your boyfriend's voice ring out as you grab the phone watching him smirk at your struggling attempts to satisfy yourself. He watches as you huff, frowning at him for his teasing remarks. "What, can't get yourself off? You need me that bad?" he speaks again causing you to roll your eyes again. "Just relax sweetheart" The smirk never leaves his face as he watches you lay back on the bed. "You have to warm yourself up first." You lay the phone down using your hands to rub at your breast, thumbs rolling over your nipples. You free your left hand, snaking it down your waist fingers trailing around your cunt. You part your legs using the new access to rub up and down your slit, collecting the arousal that had begun pooling. "Mmh make sure to go nice and slow, just how I do it." you follow his instructions trying to replicate his manners. You use the collected arousal to circle at your clit causing you to let out a whimper. Your fingers trailed down poking at your entrance before pushing them in causing you to sigh. You begin pumping two fingers in and out causing you to let out a series of moans, your legs shaking slightly at the intense amount of pleasure. "Fuck baby you're making me hard." you heard Suguru speak as shuffling sounds could be heard in his background. "Baby I need to see you" he speaks out causing you to reach out to the phone seeing he had shaken off his typical attire. You watched as he stroked his hardened dick, gripping it with such a tightness that his knuckles had turned white. Your fingers moved even more rapidly as you watched him stroke, his low moans making you more aroused. "Fuck Suguru I'm about to cum." you moan, fingers aching as you're getting closer to your release. "Cum, I wanna hear you cum." he groans out, the pace picking up. Your fingers curl slightly, pumping faster before your orgasm washes over you as you let out a sultry moan. "Fuck, I wish I was cumming in your pussy...what a waste of cum." "Babe!"
✰ Nanami Kento
*New message message: 6 photos*
He put his pen down seeing that you had messaged him, what he assumed asking of his whereabouts. He had got stuck working overtime once more to his dismay. He looked at the time on his phone, sighing thinking about how he'd rather be at home spending time with you. He clicked your contact, opening the message you had sent him. He was met with the sight of you wearing a white lingerie set that snuggled your body perfectly. Each picture had been taken from a different angle, allowing him to see the patterns and design of the lingerie. Fortunately for him, he had an office to himself which allowed him to have his much-needed privacy. Pulling him out of his thoughts, his phone rang as your contact popped up once more. Swiping, he picked up the Facetime call hearing that voice he loved oh so much "Hi baby, how's work?". "I'd rather be home" "I miss you such much, I can't wait until you get here it's so lonely in the mansion." he hears you sigh. He knows you too well and knows that you're up to something. The low moans that came through the line were more than enough confirmation that you were pleasing yourself. "You're that eager huh? Couldn't wait until I get home?" he sits in his office chair watching as you furrow your eyebrows in frustration. "I couldn't help it, I missed you so much." he watches as you press your lips together in a small pout. "Go ahead, continue what you were doing." he leans back into his chair, eyes fixated on the phone screen. You peeled off the lingerie set you were wearing, revealing your plump breast nipples hardening from the cool air of your bedroom. His breath hitched as he watched you pull down your panties, a thin barely visible string of arousal sticking between the two. He watches as you tease yourself, fingers brushing over your nipples as your other hand runs down to your sopping pussy. He watches you collect your juices on your finger, using it to swirl slowly at your clit. knock knock knock, "Mr. Kento?". He furrows his eyebrows frustrated, "You better not cum until I get home. Stay just like that, keep the clothes off" he eyes you as he disconnected the call. He thanks the heavens for his desk, because how odd would it be to explain the boner he suddenly popped.
✰ Toji Fushiguro
"Put your pussy on the phone."
He was completely serious, taking you off guard as he suddenly videocalled you. Toji isn't one to videocall so considering he did you figured it had to be something urgent. "Wait what?" you sat up readjusting your ears making sure you heard him correctly. "You heard what I said. It's been a shitty day and I still have 3 whole days left on this damn trip," he grumbled on the line making you giggle slightly. "Shit is that my shirt you got on?" he noticed the oversized black tee that swallowed your body. "Maybe" You knew it drove him crazy when you wore his clothes. "And what's under there," he asked raising an eyebrow. You raise your hand to the sky, giving him a full view of your body that is covered by the shirt. "Just the usual" You pulled the shirt up revealing your fully nude body. "Fuck" you heard him groan watching as he threw his head back. He watched as you grabbed a toy from under the pillow, bringing it to your dripping core. "Fuck baby stop teasing. Put the damn thing in," he demanded eyes glued to the screen watching as you rubbed the toy up and down your slit using your own arousal as a lubricant. You push the toy in whining as it stretches you out due to your lack of preparation. "I bet you wish it was my dick, wish it was the real thing." "That toy can't fuck you like I can cant make you squirt like I can." he spewed as he pumped at his dick you trusted the toy in and out lewd squelching noises filling the room, mixing with your moans. Your arm shook as the amount of pleasure was too much, "You better not drop this fucking phone" you heard him grumble causing you to steady your grip. You moan as you angle the toy, reaching a new spot you were unable to hit before. "Fuck you sound so good, I can hear the sound of that slutty pussy from over here. So wet for me, I miss it so bad. Shit, I can't wait to get back home and fuck that dirty little pussy. All wet and tight just for me." his words make you wetter by the minute as you moan at the idea of him fucking you roughly into the mattress. "I'm about to cum fuck, wish I was cumming in your pussy. I just wanna fill my pretty girl up with my babies. Huh like the sound of that? When I get back home I fuck a baby into you to keep you company when I'm gone?" your legs begin to shake as your orgasm approaches closely, your hand getting tired in the process. "Ah I-I....I-mmm cummingg" you moan out. "Cum for Daddy." your orgasm washed over you making your eyes roll back and your back arch, dropping the phone in the process. You grab the phone, seeing his dick covered in his thick cum leaking over onto his hand. "Wish you were here to lick it up."
✰ Choso
"Baby wait!"
He shook his head frantically as he watched on the phone as you moved to your bathroom. "What? It's not like we haven't showered together before. It's the same thing you're just not here physically." he watched frantically as you propped the phone up in the shower, securing it so it didn't fall. He watched as you stripped your dress off, bra and panties following shortly. His cheeks flushed red as he saw your nude body as you stepped into the shower, turning on the water. He watched as the water slid down your skin, glistening under the spotlight in your shower. The water ran from your head, down the sides of your face, neck, collarbone, down to your breast. Some ran lower, some stopped at your breast until they hit the perky nipples that he loved to such on. He watched as you squeezed soap onto your washcloth lathering it before going to scrub your body. He examined you as you scrubbed your body until you got to your breast once more. You scrubbed each breast leaving a soapy trail between the two. He felt his dick twitch when you took the water rinsing them slowly. "You like that honey?" he could melt hearing you call the name he loved so dearly. He felt his dick twitch once more as you squeezed shower lotion into your hand, rubbing it onto your body slowly allowing him to examine every inch of your body. Taking a bit more into your hand, he watched as you rubbed your palms together seeing them land on a boob each. You rubbed them up, down, left, and right before swirling them into circles. "Are you hard?" you asked as he nodded his head frantically. "Show me." he was quick to lock the door to the room he was in, quickly shaking off his clothes allowing you to see his hardened dick. Precum was already leaking at the head, rolling slowly down the shaft. "You're so big, I miss you baby. I miss having you inside of me." his ear turned red, dick twitching once more. He began slowly stroking his dick, eyes fixated on the screen not taking his eyes off of you. His thumb circled at the head, gathering the precum and using it as lube to set a good pace. "Good boy." he stroked faster watching as you fiddled with your breast, fingers pinching at your nipples making them temporarily engorged. "Ah-ah Im gonna cum" he stroked rapidly chasing his own high. "Wanna cum on your tits or f-fuck on your face" his chest heaved feeling his balls tighten. "Fuck!" he let out a low moan feeling his cum shoot up onto his own hand. He heard the water turn off, "Let's make that happen when you get back."
✰ Sukuna Ryomen
"Don't tell me you're about to cum already"
His smug smirk flashed across your phone screen as he played with the toggles to the vibrating dildo he had gifted you before he left. Although he was far away, he was able to control the device no matter the region of the world he was in. He wanted as your body shook, hands gripping the sheets as he pressed the number 2 causing you to let out a loud moan. "Come on that's only the second setting, I know you can hold out longer than that." he laid back, back resting on the headboard watching as your body twitched from the purple toy pulsating in you. He shook his own pants off, grabbing at his own dick that had hardened quite some time ago. Skipping a setting, he pressed the number five watching as your legs began trembling nearly causing the tory to fall out. "Stay still, you don't want to get punished when I get back" he hummed "Now spread your legs and let me see the mess that you've made with your pussy." You sigh as your wobbly legs separate from one another allowing him to see the pool of arousal you laid in. You had yet to cum, yet the toy was glistening with your juices that had run down your leg, onto the red sheets of the bed creating a puddle. He went back to the app, pressing on the special feature he hadn't told you about. You squealed in pleasure as the toy began vibrating along your clit. "Kuna I can't, I can't Im gonna cum." you moaned out back arching, his wiggling along with the toy. "You don't cum until I say cum. What a needy bitch only thinking with your pussy." he scoffed jerking his own dick at your moans, unknowingly to you. "Kuna I-" he heard your sigh immediately looking at the phone watching as you orgasmed around the toy, eyebrows furrowed in mild satisfaction. "I told you not to cum, I'm leaving the mission early expecting to be punished. Im going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for months and you better not fucking cum." he angrily disconnected the video call.
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cherryredstars · 10 months
Note
Next door part two! I NEED THEM IN MY LIFE THAT WAS SO GOOD!
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Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Smut with Plot, Wet Dreams, Sexual Fantasies, Brief Mentions of Male Masturbation, Blowjob, Cum Eating
Summary: Nice but naughty, a heart that’s pure. She's the girl next door.
Word Count: 2.6K (Not Edited)
Part 1
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He’s driving himself fucking mad.
It’s been almost two weeks since he last saw you in person. It’s somewhat his fault. He hasn’t been avoiding you exactly, just giving you room. You were so dazed when he left you, he could almost smell the remains of sex on you. It drove him crazy, fists clenched as he stood outside your closed door for what felt like years. He cock strained so painfully against his pants that he had half the mind to pull it out and jerk off in the middle of the hallway. 
He didn’t want to scare you. Big, old him running after small, delicate you. A pretty and young thing that he wouldn’t mind locking in his bedroom and fucking until the sun rose and he was off to work. He could- would - worship you. He has done it thousands of times in the last two weeks in his dreams. They plague him almost every night, his body pressing you down into the mattress as you mewl out for him. He can hear the sound of your arousal as his balls slap against you echoing in his ears. Your phantom grip on his cock follows him when he wakes up, his hands wandering into his pants to try to replicate the feeling. 
He’s always interrupted by the sound of your front door slamming as you rush out to go to one of your little classes, his frustration and want burning strong in his chest. But he has to be patient, has to wait for you to seek him out. He can’t just break through your door, no matter how badly he wanted to and show you how a real man would treat you. How he’d treat you so good, spoil you in a way that none of the boys your age can. He could make you his pretty little girlfriend, giving you anything you want. Fuck, he’ll pay for your entire college tuition if you asked him to. 
Or, maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d make you beg for it. Maybe he’d force you to work for it. He can already imagine it. He’d have you riding his cock, maybe even his face, laying back and watching you take your pleasure from him. He’d enjoy himself, moaning as you gasp and cry above him. You’d look so pretty with tears running down your face, asking him so sweetly to give you what you wanted. Your hips working to show him how much you deserved it, how you’re his good girl who deserves the right to every one of his credit cards. He’d have you coming until he’s satisfied with your pleas, finally giving in to you a-
Fucking annoying piece of shit.
Miguel’s eyes snap open, wondering to the alarm clock on his nightstand. The numbers are still blurry, and the sound of someone knocking on his door is the last thing he wanted. Especially when it pulls him away from his private time with you. His cock is poking a dent into his sweats, and he runs his hands down his face in frustration. He groans to himself as he gets up, adjusting his pants as he goes. His mind is still semi-stuck in his fuzzy little fantasy when he opens the door, mind slow as they try to process the sight of you. 
You’re looking up at him with regretful eyes, a blanket draped loosely around your shoulders. His eyes can’t help but travel down your body, salivating at the way your cropped long sleeve shirt pokes out from your nipples and reveals the expanse of your navel. His eyes travel further down, catching on the plaid pajama pants that sit low on your waist with the strings untied. If his cock wasn’t hard before, it definitely is now. 
“I’m sorry to wake you up,” Your siren voice calls to him, his eyes snapping back to your shy face as you bite your lip. “But, my heater is acting up again and I can’t sleep with it switching between hot and cold. I already called the landlord, but he said he’d send someone by next week.”
You look so pretty before him, cheeks slightly red from embarrassment as you stare up at him like he’s your savior. His hand grips tight on his door as he processes what you said. His poor little baby, suffering in her apartment. You should have come to him sooner. He would have gladly taken care of you. This just goes to show how he’s the only man capable of taking care of you, the only man you need to take care of your needs. 
His hand covers the expanse of your stomach as he touches it. His warm hand is instantly met with your cold skin, sending shivers up your spine as he pushes you back so he can walk through his door. You walk obediently, taking a step back for every step he takes forward until you’re following him like a sweet puppy into your own apartment. It’s ice cold when his bare feet hit the wooden floors, his eyes trailing down to your own sockless feet. It brings a frown to his face, brows furrowing as he leans down and picks you up. 
Your cold hands shock his shoulders as they hold onto him tight. The most precious squeal leaves your lips at the unexpected move, looking up at him with wide eyes as he carries you to your room. Most of the lights are on from your journey to the front door, but your bedroom is still clad in darkness. Your bed is soft when his knee sinks into it, lifting the covers to tuck you in where you’ll be nice and warm. He wraps them around you, covering you as much as possible. He makes sure you’re taken care of before he goes off into the hallway to check the heater. 
It’s a quick fix, something he can do easily and doesn’t need a maintenance guy for assistance. It’s just dirty air filters, and he has spares in his apartment. It's a quick trip, with minimal labor. It takes him less than an hour to complete, but it’ll take some time before the heat starts filling up the place. When he walks back into your bedroom, you’re still under the covers and they shake slightly from the way you’re shivering. 
“Got it fixed, should be working fine soon, give it an hour max.”
The soft thank you and beaming smile you give him tempts him to break something else in your house so you can give him more. He walks over to you, sitting next to you on the bed. Your skin still quakes from the chill, and he hates to see you so uncomfortable. His hand comes up to your cheek, attempting to warm the skin with the heat of his hand. You instantly melt into the touch, practically purring as you lean into his hold. He’s seen this scene so many times in his dreams that he can't help the dirty thoughts circulating in his head. 
The darkness of your room hides the glazed look in his eyes as he studies your mouth, his thumb rubbing the expanse of your cheek, “You’re so cold, cariño. Needa find a way to warm ya’ up quick.”
The words are almost unheard, his thumb sliding down your face until it presses into your bottom lip. Your lips part slightly from the movement and he doesn’t ignore the temptation to slip the pad of his thumb through. Your mouth is warm and oh so inviting, your saliva coating his thumb print. You instinctively suckle at the skin, eyes shining bright at him as you open your mouth wider. It makes him groan softly, pressing his thumb further into your mouth until his hand is supporting your chin as his thumb presses flat against your tongue. It holds you still, blinking innocently at him as he rubs gently. 
He can feel his cock twitching in his pants, and it doesn’t take him long before he picks you up again, dragging you and the covers to the floor until it forms a pile before him. You’re on your knees, body half covered in blankets and sheets. They protect you from the icy cold of the wooden floors, and simultaneously makes you look like an offering for him. Miguel spreads his legs, grabbing your chin again until your face is hovering at the same height as his stomach. Your beautiful doll eyes blink up at him and he smiles at the sight of you. 
“It’s okay, I got a way to make you feel better again.” He mumbles down at you, his free hand fishing into his pants until he grips his cock.
It’s heavy and burning in his touch, a bead of precum glistening at the tip as it meets the frigid air. You stare at it in wonder, leaning your face closer to see better through the darkness. He watches you closely, slowly stroking his base as he basks in your attention. His hand leaves your chin, moving around until he grips the back of your neck. He pushes your face closer to him, stopping when your face is pressed to the underside of his cock. 
The skin burns where the two of you meet, and his cock jumps in excitement. His hips move slightly, slowly dragging his cock along your face, the tip of your nose brushing just under his tip. Miguel lets out a muffled moan, his hand squeezed tight at his base as he slaps his dick against your face. Your eyes instantly closed, taking it without complaint besides a low whine. 
Miguel lets out a low ‘fuck’ as he looks down at you, pulling your face away until his tip presses against your lips. He rubs his cock along the seams of them, watching as they get glossy with his precum. Your tongue tentatively slips out, gathering some of it as you hum out. His cock is quick to follow your pink muscle, slipping in the crown of his tip into your mouth. He can feel your hot breath on his tip as you gasp at the intrusion, your tongue pressing against him. 
He lets out a pleased sigh, slipping his tip back out to slip it back in. You try to call out his name, but it gets swallowed by his cock reentering your mouth. Your hands fall to his thighs, gathering the fabric in your fingers as you lean into him. You instantly gag when you do, mouth and throat not used to taking something thick. It makes Miguel moan, knowing damn well he’s nowhere near the back of your throat yet. You’re so fucking sensitive. He pulls back, but you eagerly try to follow. His grip on your neck tightens, making you whine as he keeps you in place and he slips out. 
“Careful now, muñeca. Don’t hurt yourself.”
You whimper at his words, blinking teary-eyed at him. He coos gently down at you, shutting you up by sliding himself back into your mouth. You hum against him, eyes shutting as he works himself in and out. He barely gives you anything, going no further than the end of his tip as your tongue glides against him. He moans, finally feeling what he’s wanted for so long. You’re sloppy, tongue uncertain as it prods at his slit and drinks up the precum he spills into your mouth. It’s warm and slightly salty as it travels down your throat, making something warm bloom in your stomach. Your hands fist his pants tighter and Miguel’s eyes drop down to them. 
His finger is gentle as it glides over the back of your hand, the cold skin raised with goosebumps. He tsks lightly at you, grabbing your hand and placing it around his length. He moans at the contrast in temperature, hips bucking into your touch. 
“Shit, baby, gotta warm up those hands too.”
He grabs your other hand, putting it slightly lower than your other on his cock. His hands leave your body, falling over your own as he guides you to stroke him. His tip still lingers in your mouth, and you moan around him from how heavy and warm he is in your grasp. Once you work up a rhythm, Miguel’s hands leave yours. His hand falls back to its original position at the back of your neck, letting out soft groans and grunts as you work him. He massages the pressure points near the back of your neck, encouraging your mouth to relax and start sucking at him again. 
Miguel can’t help throwing his head back, eyes shutting as you work waves of pleasure out of him. He can feel his balls grow heavier. His cock twitching and jumping in your mouth the more you play with him. He’s close, and he looks back down at you before he pulls his cock away from you again. You cry out in displeasure, looking up at him with a pout on your wet lips. He sighs deeply at you, moving back to grip your chin. 
“Open your mouth for me, yeah?”
You instantly do, not needing to be asked before you stick your tongue out eagerly. He chuckles lowly at your desperation, hand tight around his base as he rubs his tip against your tongue. You whine at him, eyes getting droopy as he slaps his cock against your muscle. It doesn’t take long for him to cum in your mouth, watching as thick, white liquid spills onto your tongue. He moans as he finishes, tapping his cock against your tongue a few more times to make sure he’s given you everything. 
When he pulls his cock away from you, you close your mouth and swallow. Your eyes close as you savor the flavor, feeling the warm liquid slip down your throat and warm your belly. The warmth makes you sleepy, eyes half-lidded as you lean forward and press your head to his stomach besides his semi-hard cock. His hand comes to stroke your hair, humming at you as your warm breath hits his skin. Sometime during his attempt at warming you, warm air has started to spill into the bedroom. Miguel sighs in content, leaning down to kiss the top of your head before picking you up for the last time. 
You instantly snuggle into him, always whining out when he deposits you into the bed. Your covers are soon placed over you, and you watch as Miguel tucks himself back into his pants before sliding into bed beside you. You’re quick to snuggle up against him again, basking in the extra warmth he gives off. The warmth in your stomach and from Miguel loll you into a sleep, your body pressed hard against him. 
The comfort of it all and the post-orgasmic bliss makes Miguel drowsy, breaths beginning to slow. He can feel his eyes drooping, taking in the final sights of you before his eyes close. But once they do, a loud band echoes in his head. He’s quick to spring up from the bed, eyes opening as he finds himself staring at a wall. His wall. In his bedroom. In his apartment. Even from his bedroom, he can hear the sound of you rushing towards the elevator and on the way to class. 
Miguel blinks in confusion, eyes moving towards the alarm clock at his bedside table. 8AM. He groans, falling into his bed as he sighs in frustration. His hands trail down his body, moving towards the aching dent in his pants.
Just another fucking dream about the girl next door.
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Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5
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nadvs · 4 months
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home before dark (part three)
pairing rafe cameron x kook! female reader
rating mature 18+
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summary as children, you and rafe were best friends, but then tragedy suddenly struck his family and he shut everybody out. years later, you need his help when a pushy ex-boyfriend won’t leave you alone. rafe is perfect for the job because everybody’s afraid of him. except for you.
content warnings stalker ex, violence, substance abuse, death and mourning of parent
» masterlist
· · ── ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ── · ·
Rafe is sitting in a chair in the front room of your home, his chin resting on his hand, hardly paying any attention to the sitcom playing on the tv screen.
He’s pissed off. Why did it have to storm tonight of all nights, when he doesn’t have anything to numb the pain, nothing to drown out the sound of the rain drumming on the windows?
In his haste, he didn’t pack any coke before coming here. He didn’t think he’d need it this bad.
And that photo he saw upstairs. It’s making everything so much fucking worse.
This is how the world repays him for helping someone. Figures. He’s used to having shit luck. Trying to make his own father love him has been a losing game, and he’s been at that for years, so why would anything else go his way?
“Hey.” Rafe straightens when he hears you. You look into the room. “Did the thunder wake you up, too?”
He hasn’t slept at all. But he nods.
There’s a blankness in his stare, the tv casting dull colors over his face. He didn’t bother to turn the light on.
You cross the room, hazy from your interrupted sleep, and settle on the couch. You’re far away from him, acting like you’ve never touched, even though you were just pressed against each other on his motorcycle.
You wonder if it felt nice to him, too. Or if you were just extra weight on his bike, an irritating responsibility he was cornered into taking on.
“Do you have any booze around here?” Rafe mutters. You catch the desolation in his tone.
“What’s wrong?” you ask.
You instantly feel ridiculous for expecting you won’t be met with the cold shoulder. You doubt he’ll answer. But then, because the world must be off its axis, he does.
“Fucking hate this weather,” he says.
His words make a chill sink into your bones. You remember your father telling you the news years ago after he got the phone call. A torrential downpour. The freeway. Zero visibility.
Anne lost control of her car.
By the look on your dad’s face, you knew what that meant. Rafe’s mother didn’t survive the wreck.
He doesn’t have to say it. You know that’s why he hates storms.
“I can distract you,” you offer, “if you want?”
It was something you did as kids. Rafe would be angry or sad or hurt or anything and you’d talk his ear off about whatever you could think of until the dark cloud hanging over him drifted away.
His feelings always felt too big for him. You were the best at making them small enough to manage.
Rafe is used to wanting to be left alone. But not right now. Not if he can be with you. Admitting it feels impossible. The wall he spent years building around himself is solid from both sides.
“It’s your house,” he finally says. “Do what you want.”
You take it an invitation to stay. You turn your attention to the tv, as if holding eye contact with him will make him take it back.
It gives him a chance to look at you. How the fuck have you not lost patience with him yet? Why do you still care?
“I keep wanting to ask why you’re helping me,” you say, just loud enough to be heard over the tv.
Rafe exhales sharply, rubbing his forehead.
“This is you distracting me,” he scoffs. “Aren’t you supposed to do the talking?”
The fact that he’s expecting you to replicate the days of your youth gives you a sliver of hope that maybe he misses them, too.
“There has to be a reason you’re doing it,” you murmur.
“Can’t you just be happy that I am?” he responds. A white flash of lighting pools into the room for a split second.
“No,” you say. Finally, he gives in.
“Because I…” he begins.
The noise from the show is adding to the frustrating confusion engulfing him. He angrily picks up the remote and turns the tv off, plunging both of you in darkness.
You turn your head towards him again, only able to make out the hard outline of his jaw.
“I always had to look out for you,” he says. “I guess I still do.”
You look down at your lap, taken aback that Rafe holds any sense of loyalty for you.
You almost want to remind him of what he said earlier, that you’re not kids anymore, but you don’t want to challenge him.
“And I don’t know why,” he adds, voice thin, “but you’re not a dick to me like everyone else is, so I kind of owe you.”
All you can hear is your own breathing and the ticking of the clock in the foyer and the tap of faltering raindrops. The storm is passing.
“It’s because you didn’t do anything wrong,” you say into the silence. “It’s not like you did something to make me hate you. You shut me out, but I get why.”
Your words reverberate through him. He wonders if you think that he hates you.
Still, you could have gone to any other guy and asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend.
“Why’d you come to me?” he asks.
“Because he’s scared of you.” You don’t have to nor do you want to say your ex’s name.
“And you’re not?”
“No.” You tilt your head. “We used to be best friends.”
You say it like he wouldn’t remember. He couldn’t erase it from his brain if he tried. And he has.
The heaviness of all this is suffocating to him. The past is done. There’s no point in digging up things that’ll just hurt him all over again.
He stands up, chasing out the familiarity that was slowly growing between you. But before he leaves the room, he pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose with trembling fingers.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, either, alright?” Rafe says into the dark, irritated, answering the question you asked him on the shoreline hours ago. “Not on purpose.”
As his shadow retreats, the words he left you with ring in your head. He doesn’t blame you. But you did do something wrong.
Rafe had his head buried into his pillow, throat burning from crying through his grief, every night for months.
As he lies in an unfamiliar bed all for a girl whose very existence makes him feel a multitude of good and bad all at once, he’s thrown back into those days, as if he’s a boy again.
His mother used to tell him it was a strength to be so sensitive, but her voice faded and his father’s voice got so much louder. What he tells him every time Rafe can’t swallow down the tears echoes in his mind. Toughen up. You’re fine.
But he’s not fine. He can’t stop crying and he knows he has to tell you he can’t do this anymore. Being with you brings back too much.
But the next morning, when Rafe finds you sitting at the kitchen island, wearing your pajamas and a smile, the prospect of ending this is tossed away.
You have access to him that nobody else does. You and that damn smile are a weakness that he didn’t know he had. And while he can act happy and careless around everyone else, he can’t put on an act for you. Ever.
“How’d you sleep?” you ask. Your hands are cupping a mug, your phone sitting beside it.
“Like shit,” Rafe replies, pacing to the fridge. “Took hours to fall asleep.”
You feel guilty that he didn’t have a good rest, considering he’s only here because you were too frightened to be alone.
“You?” he says after a beat. The ice must be melting if he’s actually asking about you for once.
“My sleep was good,” you reply. “It helped having you here.”
Rafe’s cheeks get warm. Someone actually wanting him around is a foreign feeling.
By the time your conversation was over last night, the rain and thunder had dwindled. It couldn’t have been the storm keeping him awake. Curiosity pushes you to figure it out.
“Was the bed uncomfortable?” you ask.
“No,” he answers. He finds a glass and fills it with water. His throat still hurts from crying last night.
You watch him, his presence commanding as he leans back against the counter opposite you. The dark, shallow bags beneath his eyes are illuminated in the bright lights above you. He looks exhausted.
“Was the room too warm? Or too cold?” you say.
“Can you relax?” Rafe huffs, his tone almost playful.
He isn’t about to admit that he can’t remember the last time he fell asleep sober. And he’s definitely not going to tell you that the last thing he thought about before finally passing out was that his cheeks burned from how hard he was wiping his tears away.
“The least I can do is make sure you’re comfortable since I made you stay the night,” you say.
His brows furrow as he takes a long gulp, tipping his head back.
“Nobody can make me do anything,” he replies once he downs the water. You know it’s the truth. It makes the fact that he’s doing this for you all the more meaningful.
Before you can respond, your phone buzzes loudly on the countertop. Rafe sees your face fall when your eyes drop to the screen. You read the notification for a moment, then sigh and shake your head.
“He emailed me,” you say incredulously. “I blocked him on everything and he emailed me.”
Rafe leans over to see if you’ll let him look for himself. You slide your phone towards him and he picks it up to read Ty’s message.
What you have with him isn’t real. We both know it. Let me prove that I can treat you how you deserve. Please. I’m sorry for everything. I love you.
A part of Rafe is concerned you’ll fall for it.
“What’re you gonna do?” he asks.
“Block him there, too,” you mutter. “He does this. He’s mean, then he pretends like he changed, then he’s mean again… It’s the same bullshit over and over.”
Rafe blocks him for you and places your phone on the counter. You bite the inside of your cheek as the dread you always feel when Ty contacts you floods your every sense.
The despair on your face makes Rafe’s stomach sink. The next time he sees Ty, he’s beating the shit out of him.
“He’ll stop, okay? I’ll make him,” he says.
You’re still skeptical. Rafe definitely scares him, but Ty called him a bullshit rebound last night. He wrote that what you have with Rafe isn’t real. You’re not fooling him. And you’re afraid he won’t leave you alone until he believes you’re actually in a new relationship now.
“Yeah.” You exhale slowly. “Doesn’t sound like he’s falling for this, though.” You motion between you and him.
Rafe has to take a moment to catch your meaning. Falling for this. Your pretend relationship. Right.
“I didn’t tell anyone it’s fake,” you say, afraid it somehow got out. “Did you?”
Rafe shakes his head no and puts his empty glass in the sink. He scratches the back of his neck and looks at you again.
“Do you want me to keep crashing here until your mom and dad get back?” he asks.
You hate that your mind goes there, but you wonder when the last time he said mom out loud was. You shake away the thought.
“Not if you can’t get any actual sleep,” you respond.
Rafe typically gets irritated when someone can’t make up their mind. He wants everything done quickly, so he doesn’t have to stop and think.
But this is you and even though you’re scared of sleeping on your own, you’re considering how staying here affects Rafe and it gives him a heavy feeling of shame. He spent years avoiding the only person who never abandoned him. The only person who still gives a shit.
“I’ll just leave my stuff here,” he says, making the decision for you.
“Thank you.” You mean it. The thought of someone being here with you is comforting.
As usual, Rafe ends the conversation quickly and abruptly, leaving the room. You soon hear the engine of his motorcycle rattling loudly from outside, the roar fading as he drives away.
You hoped that he’d at least want to hang out with you now. You don’t understand why you keep expecting more from him. It just hurts you every time.
You don’t hear from Ty for the rest of the day. You manage to run some errands without worrying you’ll see him because even when Rafe isn’t with you, you don’t feel as scared knowing he’s in your corner.
The days of the week mean practically nothing on the north side of the island over the summer. There’s a party almost every night, this time at a house just down the street from you.
You invite your friends to your place, drinking as you get ready, deciding to walk over to the party. You turn up already tipsy, finding yourself looking for Rafe even though you know you should only really be doing that if Ty is bothering you.
When you walk into the loud, crowded house, seeing you reminds Rafe of why he isn’t smoking or drinking or snorting anything tonight.
He’s had countless fights while wasted, but he wants to have a clear mind when he sees Ty. He needs to make the fucker pay and not give him a chance to get even one punch in.
You meet Rafe’s blue eyes every so often throughout the night, glad you’re finally able to have fun again because you know he’s keeping you safe.
The second Ty walks in, even though he hasn’t come close to approaching you, you make your way to Rafe.
You stand close to him, placing your hand in his, acting like a girlfriend to someone who is only doing this because he feels an overdue sense of loyalty to you.
Rafe stills for a moment before he laces his fingers with yours. His skin is hot, making your heart flutter in a way you know it shouldn’t.
“Hey,” you say over the music. His ring presses against your thumb.
“Hey,” he says tensely. He’s not used to affection, especially in front of people.
But this is what he signed up for. He needs to act like a boyfriend and he’s not going to fuck this up. It’s the first real responsibility he’s had that he actually gives a shit about.
His eyes land on Ty and his plan to confront him takes a backseat when he realizes he doesn’t want to let go of you. Right now, he’d rather have his hand in yours instead of using it to throw a punch. It’s like every touch you give him leaves a heavier impact than the last.
You immediately notice how tense Rafe is.
“Can you relax?” you joke, imitating the way he said it this morning. Your heart warms when his dimples appear, framing a smile he can’t stifle.
“I don’t sound like that,” he says.
“You sound exactly like that,” you reply with a laugh, picturing how tired he looked in your kitchen. “Please tell me you got some sleep today.”
Again, the concern you seem to have never lost for him appears.
“I did,” he says. He crashed in his bed the second he got home.
“How come it took you so long to fall asleep last night?”
Rafe’s knee-jerk reaction is to avoid the question. Especially if it’s you asking. But he can’t forget how shitty it felt when you brushed him off last night at the beach, so he pushes himself to answer.
“Just, uh…” He looks away. “Couldn’t turn off my brain.”
You gaze up at him. It almost aches, how badly you’d love to know what goes through his mind.
“When did this start?” one of his friends amusedly asks, pointing between you two. You notice Ty close by, his gaze sharp as he eavesdrops. Rafe notices him, too.
You squeeze Rafe’s hand tighter, clinging to him. He notices that his entire body buzzes when you do that.
“What, was I supposed to call you?” Rafe responds.
“I’m just saying,” his friend replies with a laugh, “it’s like all of a sudden, you got a girl out of nowhere.”
Alarm stings every inch of your skin when you notice Ty’s posture straighten in your peripheral.
“Don’t sound so surprised, asshole,” Rafe replies lightheartedly, gently pulling his hand out of your grasp to drape his heavy arm around your shoulders, pulling you flush against him.
You follow his lead, wrapping your arms around his torso. The relief from how well he played it off and the comfort you get from how he’s holding you is overwhelming.
Rafe dips his head to speak into your ear, his cheek brushing against yours, his cologne fresh.
“Think he’s falling for it now?” he mumbles, voice lowering an octave. With the way he’s holding you, you might fall for it yourself.
“Yeah,” you breathe. You squeeze him tighter, not for show, but because you want to. You’ve wanted to hug him since the funeral, when he was a boy with bloodshot eyes in a crumpled black suit, but he never let you get this close.
He brings his other hand up to your face, cradling your jaw, his thumb rubbing over your cheek. His touch is so tender that you have to remind yourself it’s Rafe doing this.
You’re suspended, bodies curved together, cheeks brushing, like you’re playing a game to see who’ll let go first.
“And he’s staying away from you, right?” His breath is warm against the shell of your ear.
You nod, at a loss for words.
“Is he watching?” he asks. You can see from the corner of your eye that your ex is staring right at you.
“Mhm,” you hum with a nod.
At this point, Rafe is being selfish. This is close enough. You wanted him to act like you’re a couple and he’s done it. He can pull away now. Maybe he should keep his arm around you for a little longer, but he doesn’t need to be this close.
Instead, he lowers to press his lips against your cheek and you hug him tighter, and fuck, it feels so good that he misses it before it’s even over.
He can’t believe that his body yearns to be this close to you. You opened up the floodgates the second you put your hand on him the first time a couple of nights ago. How good would it feel if you were doing it for real?
You lean into his kiss. His lips are so soft. You wish you could feel them against yours. It’s all to make everyone think you’re actually together. You keep telling yourself that.
When your arms around him weaken just a little, you feel something at his back, protruding against your forearm.
Your eyebrows draw together as you pull back only a few inches to meet Rafe’s eyes, your mind going to the worst possible scenario. Your breath catches. It’s a weapon.
“What is that?” you ask quietly, nudging against the hard item tucked into the band of his jeans.
“What do you think?”
“Rafe,” you say. His jaw tightens. The moment is gone. The wall is back up. Your tone teeters on a thin edge, like you’re judging him.
“You’re surprised the psycho owns a gun?” he scoffs.
He didn’t brush off what Ty said like you thought he did. It makes your stomach turn that your ex’s lie actually stuck with Rafe.
You glance over to see Ty’s back as he storms out of the room. Part of you is relieved, but right now, you mostly feel anxious that Rafe believes a lie.
“I never called you that,” you reiterate to him quietly. “I’ve never said anything bad about you. You think you can trust what he says?”
“I’m not planning on using it on him, okay?” Rafe snaps. “Unless he asks for it.”
He wishes you didn’t notice it. If you didn’t think he was fucked up before, you do now. He’s pissed off and embarrassed and disappointed all at once.
You’ve been trying to reconnect with him for so long. If he gives in, you’ll see that he’s not even close to who he was when you knew him. He’ll just let you down.
He realizes he hasn’t kept his distance only because you’re a painful reminder of a time he wants to forget. It’s also because he’s sure you wouldn’t like who he’s become. And he can’t take the rejection.
You’re still, unable to believe that he actually has a gun. That he would use it. That these are the lengths he’s going to to keep you safe.
You haven’t lost contact with him, but Rafe checks out of the moment and pulls his arm away.
“He’s gone now,” he mutters. You get the message. He’s done pretending. You drop your arms and find your friends again.
Hours later, the party is dwindling, but far from over. Rafe has been sober the entire time, making him all the more antsy and irritable.
He thought he’d beat the shit out of Ty tonight, but he’s exhausted and he can’t stop shaking. Why the hell is he shaking?
Rafe loses his patience and approaches you while you’re dancing with your friends.
“Let’s go,” he says, holding your hand. The contact makes your head spin all over again. Even though you’d like to stay, you comply.
You notice Ty’s eyes on you when you leave. He’s pretending to be a good guy again, keeping his distance, but you know it’s only a matter of time before he cracks.
Once you reach Rafe’s motorcycle in the cool night air, he hands you his helmet and you take it without hesitation.
After the short drive, you walk up the steps to your front door together. But you soon stop in your tracks, eyes wide as you stare at the ground.
Rafe follows your eye line. Mud’s been tracked onto the porch in fragmented footprints.
“I can’t… I can’t remember if that was there before,” you stammer. “Did you see it this morning?”
“I don’t know,” he responds. He rushed out of here too quickly to have noticed something like that.
You look around, as if you can find an answer in the darkness surrounding your home. You would have noticed it after you ran your errands earlier today. Probably. Maybe.
It could have been you. Or Rafe. Or one of your friends.
Or Ty. He didn’t arrive at the party until late into the night. Could he have been creeping around your house? Why would he?
Rafe glances up to confirm that there aren’t any cameras aiming at the door. It pisses him off when he notices there aren’t any cameras at all. He quickly catches on that your breathing has grown faster.
“Come on,” he says, gently pulling you by the crook of your elbow. “Let’s go inside. It’s nothing.”
He doesn’t believe his own words, but there’s no reason to scare you any further.
“What if he was here?” you say, letting Rafe pull you to the door. He takes the key out of your hand and pushes it into the lock.
“Then I’ll shoot him,” he mutters.
“That’s not funny.”
“I wasn’t joking.”
The door swings open, prompting the security system to start beeping.
You flip on the light and enter the code as he shuts the door behind you. You’re so frightened and unnerved that you jam one of the buttons with the wrong finger, prompting a harsh error noise from the system.
“Can you do this?” you huff. You tell Rafe the five-digit code and he quickly enters it, arming the system again. You notice his hand is trembling.
“Are you okay?” you ask. You know it’s not from fear. Rafe isn’t afraid of anything. He must be high on something. “What’d you take?”
“Nothing,” he says with a humorless laugh. It dawns on him that his body is reacting to the lack of coke in his system. “That’s the problem.”
“What?” you ask.
Rafe sighs, double-checking that the front door is locked for your peace of mind.
“I can’t be wasted if that asshole tries me. I haven’t taken anything since last night,” he says. “But it just made shit worse.”
He realizes how messed up it sounds. How messed up it is that being sober for one night makes him shake like this. He has a problem. But he never really had a reason to get clean before now.
You watch Rafe checking the lock and like a riptide, everything crashes down on you at once.
The torment from Ty harassing you. The guilt from asking Rafe to take on this responsibility. The sadness from knowing that he’s only doing it because he feels a sense of obligation for you and wants nothing more.
“Bet you’re glad I have a gun now,” Rafe mutters. He turns to look at you, your expression grim. “What?”
“I don’t want to keep bothering you with this,” you admit, your heart racing with panic. “I don’t want you to have to sleep here and I don’t want you to have to drive me home all the time and… I hate that this is happening and that I had to drag you into it.”
His eyes travel over the anguish etched on your face.
“What, like it’s your fault he’s a piece of shit?” he says.
You chew on the inside of your cheek and look up to the ceiling, trying to keep your tears at bay. It’s still odd being alone with him, having him in your home.
Rafe hasn’t tried to make someone feel better in a long time. He hasn’t cared enough to. He takes a deep breath.
“I don’t mind doing this, alright?” he says.
“You don’t?” You take in the softness in his eyes that you don’t often see.
“Think I’d be here if I did?”
“I don’t know,” you say. “You used to do things you didn’t want to all the time for me.”
The Rafe that was your best friend always went along with whatever you wanted to play, wherever you wanted to go.
He grits his teeth, tearing his eyes off of you, trying not to think about how when he was a kid, if someone asked him who his favorite person was, he’d tell them that it was a tie between you and his mom.
“Don’t talk about how shit used to be,” he says quietly. And because he doesn’t want to see that hurt look on your face again, he adds, “Please.”
The mere prospect of talking about the past seems to actually give him pain. It dawns on you that you’re looking at a man who may have never processed what happened to him.
“Do you want something to eat?” you offer, changing the subject swiftly.
Rafe realizes he’s starving.
“Yeah,” he says.
A memory washes over you as Rafe sits at your kitchen counter, eating leftovers you heated up for him.
It was a humid summer day and you two were scarfing down the lunch his mother made for you after a morning of swimming behind his house.
Rafe always liked picking the wildflowers that grew in the grass that lined the beach for his mom. The ones he found that day were purple, sitting in a small vase she put in the center of the dining room table.
Every time he gave her a small bundle of uneven flowers, she had the same joyful reaction. Rafe always looked so proud of himself when she enthusiastically thanked her son.
It was just another happy day.
Until Ward came into the kitchen and like always, Rafe’s smile disappeared. Your best friend tended to shrink when his dad was around. Ward almost always found something to chide his son about. He never spoke like that to his daughters.
“Could you eat any faster?” Ward muttered. “Where are your manners?”
“Leave him alone, Ward,” Anne said with a sigh. His mother’s tone was only ever sharp when she was defending her little boy.
You remember watching her lean to kiss Rafe’s head, earning a small smile from him. Then she winked at you, trying to dismiss the tension from the room.
You wonder what Ward has said to Rafe ever since he lost the only person who stuck up for him.
You face the sink as you wash your hands, your back to Rafe, trying to stifle the tears that build as you imagine what the world would be like if the wreck never happened. Who would Rafe be if he never lost her? If a part of him didn’t die with her?
Is it crazy to think that you’d still be best friends, instead of two strangers pushed together in such an arduous situation? You miss her so much that it hurts and all this is yet another thing adding to the weight sitting on your shoulders.
Rafe hears you sniffle and when you finally turn around, you stare at the floor as you try to rush away.
“What is it?” he asks. Is he already failing at making you feel safe?
You freeze. You can’t tell him what’s really bothering you. Especially since he asked you not to talk about your memories.
“I’m just freaked out.” It’s not exactly what you’re thinking of now, but it’s true. This mess with Ty is a nightmare. “If he was really creeping around here… Ugh, I don’t know what he’s going to do next.”
Rafe chews slower as he observes you through narrow eyes. He’s no stranger to the pain of crying to sleep. He doesn’t want that for you.
You notice his hands are still trembling. You have no idea how often he does coke, but it must be an addiction if one night without it makes his body react like this.
“What else do you need?” he asks. It comes out sharper than he intended, like he’s asking what else you could possibly want from him after he’s given you so much.
Your lips thin as you stare at him from across the counter. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone look so miserable.
“Nothing,” you mutter. “Good night.”
You start to walk away but Rafe says your name to stop you and it sounds so good coming out of his mouth that your stomach numbs. When was the last time he said it?
You turn to look at him. His eyes dart down to his food.
“What if…” he begins, his fork loudly clattering against the dish. “Would it help if I slept in your room?”
You’re surprised. And soothed by the thought of him sleeping close by in case your ex does something as unhinged as break in.
Everyone else paints Rafe as rude and aggressive, but you knew it. You knew he still had some kindness in him.
“Yeah,” you say. “It would help.”
(part four)
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fozmeadows · 2 years
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tools not rules: the importance of critical thinking
More than once, I’ve talked about the negative implications of Evangelical/purity culture logic being uncritically replicated in fandom spaces and left-wing discourse, and have also referenced specific examples of logical overlap this produces re, in particular, the policing of sexuality. What I don’t think I’ve done before is explain how this happens: how even a well-intentioned person who’s trying to unlearn the toxic systems they grew up with can end up replicating those systems. Even if you didn’t grow up specifically in an Evangelical/purity context, if your home, school, work and/or other social environments have never encouraged or taught you to think critically, then it’s easy to fall into similar traps - so here, hopefully, is a quick explainer on how that works, and (hopefully) how to avoid it in the future.
Put simply: within Evangelism, purity culture and other strict, hierarchical social contexts, an enormous value is placed on rules, and specifically hard rules. There might be a little wiggle-room in some instances, but overwhelmingly, the rules are fixed: once you get taught that something is bad, you’re expected never to question it. Understanding the rules is secondary to obeying them, and oftentimes, asking for a more thorough explanation - no matter how innocently, even if all you’re trying to do is learn - is framed as challenging those rules, and therefore cast as disobedience. And where obedience is a virtue, disobedience is a sin. If someone breaks the rules, it doesn’t matter why they did it, only that they did. Their explanations or justifications don’t matter, and nor does the context: a rule is a rule, and rulebreakers are Bad.
In this kind of environment, therefore, you absorb three main lessons: one, to obey a rule from the moment you learn it; two, that it’s more important to follow the rules than to understand them; and three, that enforcing the rules means castigating anyone who breaks them. And these lessons go deep: they’re hard to unlearn, especially when you grow up with them through your formative years, because the consequences of breaking them - or even being seen to break them - can be socially catastrophic.
But outside these sorts of strict environments - and, honestly, even within them - that much rigidity isn’t healthy. Life is frequently far more complex and nuanced than hard rules really allow for, particularly when it comes to human psychology and behaviour - and this is where critical thinking comes in. Critical thinking allows us to evaluate the world around us on an ongoing basis: to weigh the merits of different positions; to challenge established rules if we feel they no longer serve us; to decide which new ones to institute in their place; to acknowledge that sometimes, there are no easy answers; to show the working behind our positions, and to assess the logic with which other arguments are presented to us. Critical thinking is how we graduate from a simplistic, black-and-white view of morality to a more nuanced perception of the world - but this is a very hard lesson to learn if, instead of critical thinking, we’re taught instead to put our faith in rules alone.
So: what does it actually look like, when rule-based logic is applied in left-wing spaces? I’ll give you an example: 
Sally is new to both social justice and fandom. She grew up in a household that punished her for asking questions, and where she was expected to unquestioningly follow specific hard rules. Now, though, Sally has started to learn a bit more about the world outside her immediate bubble, and is realising not only that the rules she grew up with were toxic, but that she’s absorbed a lot of biases she doesn’t want to have. Sally is keen to improve herself. She wants to be a good person! So Sally joins some internet communities and starts to read up on things. Sally is well-intentioned, but she’s also never learned how to evaluate information before, and she’s certainly never had to consider that two contrasting opinions could be equally valid - how could she have, when she wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and when she was always told there was a singular Right Answer to everything? Her whole framework for learning is to Look For The Rules And Follow Them, and now that she’s learned the old rules were Bad, that means she has to figure out what the Good Rules are. 
Sally isn’t aware she’s thinking of it in these terms, but subconsciously, this is how she’s learned to think. So when Sally reads a post explaining how sex work and pornography are inherently misogynistic and demeaning to women, Sally doesn’t consider this as one side of an ongoing argument, but uncritically absorbs this information as a new Rule. She reads about how it’s always bad and appropriative for someone from one culture to wear clothes from another culture, and even though she’s not quite sure of all the ways in which it applies, this becomes a Rule, too. Whatever argument she encounters first that seems reasonable becomes a Rule, and once she has the Rules, there’s no need to challenge them or research them or flesh out her understanding, because that’s never been how Rules work - and because she’s grown up in a context where the foremost way to show that you’re aware of and obeying the Rules is to shame people for breaking them, even though she’s not well-versed in these subjects, Sally begins to weigh in on debates by harshly disagreeing with anyone who offers up counter-opinions. Sometimes her disagreements are couched in borrowed terms, parroting back the logic of the Rules she’s learned, but other times, they’re simply ad hominem attacks, because at home, breaking a Rule makes you a bad person, and as such, Sally has never learned to differentiate between attacking the idea and attacking the person. 
And of course, because Sally doesn’t understand the Rules in-depth, it’s harder to explain them to or debate with rulebreakers who’ve come armed with arguments she hasn’t heard before, which makes it easier and less frustrating to just insult them and point out that they ARE rulebreakers - especially if she doesn’t want to admit her confusion or the limitations of her knowledge. Most crucially of all, Sally doesn’t have a viable framework for admitting to fault or ignorance beyond a total groveling apology that doubles as a concession to having been Morally Bad, because that’s what it’s always meant to her to admit you broke a Rule. She has no template for saying, “huh, I hadn’t considered that,” or “I don’t know enough to contribute here,” or even “I was wrong; thanks for explaining!” 
So instead, when challenged, Sally remains defensive: she feels guilty about the prospect of being Bad, because she absolutely doesn’t want to be a Bad Person, but she also doesn’t know how to conceptualise goodness outside of obedience. It makes her nervous and unsettled to think that strangers could think of her as a Bad Person when she’s following the Rules, and so she becomes even more aggressive when challenged to compensate, clinging all the more tightly to anyone who agrees with her, yet inevitably ending up hurt when it turns out this person or that who she thought agreed on What The Rules Were suddenly develops a different opinion, or asks a question, or does something else unsettling. 
Pushed to this sort of breaking point, some people in Sally’s position go back to the fundamentalism they were raised with, not because they still agree with it, but because the lack of uniform agreement about What The Rules Are makes them feel constantly anxious and attacked, and at least before, they knew how to behave to ensure that everyone around them knew they were Good. Others turn to increasingly niche communities and social groups, constantly on paranoid alert for Deviance From The Rules. But other people eventually have the freeing realisation that the fixation on Rules and Goodness is what’s hurting them, not strangers with different opinions, and they steadily start to do what they wanted to do all along: become happier, kinder and better-informed people who can admit to human failings - including their own - without melting down about it.   
THIS is what we mean when we talk about puritan logic being present in fandom and left-wing spaces: the refusal to engage with critical thinking while sticking doggedly to a single, fixed interpretation of How To Be Good. It’s not always about sexuality; it’s just that sexuality, and especially queerness, are topics we’re used to seeing conservatives talk about a certain way, and when those same rhetorical tricks show up in our fandom spaces, we know why they look familiar. 
So: how do you break out of rule-based thinking? By being aware of it as a behavioural pattern. By making a conscious effort to accept that differing perspectives can sometimes have equal value, or that, even if a given argument isn’t completely sound, it might still contain a nugget of truth. By trying to be less reactive and more reflective when encountering positions different to your own. By accepting that not every argument is automatically tied to or indicative of a higher moral position: sometimes, we’re just talking about stuff! By remembering that you’re allowed to change your position, or challenge someone else’s, or ask for clarification. By understanding that having a moral code and personal principles isn’t at odds with asking questions, and that it’s possible - even desirable - to update your beliefs when you come to learn more than you did before. 
This can be a scary and disquieting process to engage in, and it’s important to be aware of that, because one of the main appeals of rule-based thinking - if not the key appeal - is the comfort of moral certainty it engenders. If the rules are simple and clear, and following them is what makes you a good person, then it’s easy to know if you’re doing the right thing according to that system. It’s much, much harder and frequently more uncomfortable to be uncertain about things: to doubt, not only yourself, but the way you’ve been taught to think. And especially online, where we encounter so many more opinions and people than we might elsewhere, and where we can get dogpiled on by strangers or go viral without meaning to despite our best intentions? The prospect of being deemed Bad is genuinely terrifying. Of course we want to follow the Rules. But that’s the point of critical thinking: to try and understand that rules exist in the first place, not to be immutable and unchanging, but as tools to help us be better - and if a tool becomes defunct or broken, it only makes sense to repair it. 
Rigid thinking teaches us to view the world through the lens of rules: to obey first and understand later. Critical thinking teaches us to use ideas, questions, contexts and other bits of information as analytic tools: to put understanding ahead of obedience. So if you want to break out of puritan thinking, whenever you encounter a new piece of information, ask yourself: are you absorbing it as a rule, or as a tool? 
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mediaevalmusereads · 10 months
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Baking Yesteryear. By B. Dylan Hollis. DK, 2023.
Rating: 4/5 stars
Genre: cookbook
Series: N/A
Summary: A decade-by-decade cookbook that highlights the best (and a few of the worst) baking recipes from the 20th century
Friends of baking, are you sick and tired of making the same recipes again and again? Then look no further than this baking blast from the past, as B. Dylan Hollis highlights the most unique tasty treats of yesteryear.
Travel back in time on a delicious decade-by-decade jaunt as Dylan shows you how to bake vintage forgotten greats. With a big pinch of fun and a full cup of humor, you’ll be baking everything from Chocolate Potato Cake from the 1910s to Avocado Pie from the 1960s.
Dylan has baked hundreds of recipes from countless antique cookbooks and selected only the best for this bakebook, sharing the shining stars from each decade. And because some of the recipes Dylan shares on his wildly popular social media channels are spectacular failures, he’s thrown in a few of the most disastrously strange recipes for you to try if you dare.
***Full review below.***
Since this book is non-fiction, my review will be structured a little different from normal.
I've had this book for a while, but I didn't want to post a review before making a few of the recipes myself. I was already a fan of Hollis from his TikToks, so that might introduce some bias into my review - just so you're all aware.
Overall, I found this book to be quirky, easy to follow, and fun. I loved the bright colors and retro-feel to the photo shoots, and I appreciated that almost all of the recipes were accompanied by a picture of the thing you're supposed to be making. I also liked the blurbs written by Hollis himself; they very much felt like his voice, with his characteristic sense of humor balanced by his genuine love for baking and "old things."
Perhaps the most valuable part of this book, however, was the emphasis on lowering barriers to entry. I've read my fair share of baking guides that call for special ingredients or equipment, and there are a lot of recipes out there that are finicky and sure ton dissuade new bakers. Hollis's book, however, emphasizes that most (if not all) of these recipes can be done with basic tools - one does not even need an electric mixer (though it does make some recipes easier). There also aren't many fancy ingredients that aren't readily available at most grocery stores, so that also helps.
I do, however, have some minor criticisms which relate to the usability of this book. For one, the organization makes it rather difficult to find a specific recipe (or even category), particularly if you're like me and don't recall what decade it came from. While organizing the recipes by decade makes sense given the book's premise, it does make it more functionally difficult - you can't flip to the cake section, for example, and browse or put yourself within the general vicinity of the recipe you're looking for. Thus, readers will have to rely on either the TOC or the index a lot more, but this is a minor inconvenience rather than a huge drawback.
I also don't think the majority of the recipes are blow-your-mind good, but honestly, given this book's premise, I don't think that's the worst thing. The recipes are largely taken from sources aimed at home bakers, so you're not going to get professional-level pastries out of them. You will, however, get things that are fun and relatively simple to make, and they taste good enough to me that I'd consider making them multiple times.
TL;DR: Baking Yesteryear is a fine book for fans of Hollis's TikTok, but it goes beyond being mere merch. It not only provides historical recipes that are easy to replicate, but it also does a good job of lowering barriers to entry for new bakers. Experienced bakers might not be overly impressed by the recipes, but engaging with food history is a treat in and of itself, and it's delightful to see someone like Hollis engaging with the past with such enthusiasm and adoration.
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nickfowlerrr · 2 months
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lies and love
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GIF by marks-hoffman
pairing: bucky barnes x curvy!reader
warnings: feels, fluff, a little angst, and some silliness.
words: 2.8k
notes: decided to not go full smut with this one, but there will be something smutty and probably bucky related posted soon lol thank you in advance for reading and as always, comments and reblogs are welcome and so so appreciated! 🩵
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You suck in a sobering breath as you spot Bucky at the kitchen table, sitting with nothing but a mug of coffee in front of him and a stoic look on his perfectly chiseled face. His flesh hand is holding his head as he rubs at his temple with his thumb.
Are you really gonna do this?
Sam sees you in your pause at the corner of the hallway and comes up to meet you.
“You look like you’re having regrets, but I am begging you, please don’t go back on me now,” he whispers as you both look on at Bucky still alone in the kitchen.
“I don’t know, Sam… This feels kind of mean.”
“Don’t think of it as being mean, think of it as you making my day!”
You turn to fix him with an unimpressed look but he speaks before you can.
“And making an easy hundred bucks,” he adds with raised brows.
You sigh again.
“Come on! I heard all the jabs he’s taken at you this week, it’s not like he doesn’t have a little prank coming his way.”
You can’t help but agree with that. Bucky had been being a jerk to you this past week, you still have no idea why, but once he and Sam left for their mission, you had kind of forgotten about it in favor of the memory of him leaving that night.
Bucky showed up to your room just before he was due to leave, looking nothing short of conflicted and upset. You were starting to feel much the same. You and Bucky were close…had been close at least. This past week saw the most distance between you you’d ever experienced, and his added jabs at your expense out of nowhere had left you a little hurt, and even more so, perplexed. You had no clue what had happened but you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, like he always gave you when you had a needless attitude. You thought to just give him some space and when he was due home from this mission, you could talk and figure things out then. You normally would be at the jet saying bye and wishing safe wishes, but tonight you figured he wouldn’t be in the mood to have you there. So opening your door to find him looking so sullen was a bit of a surprise, although not an unwelcome one. You just didn’t want to be the one to speak first, you weren’t sure what he was there for and you didn’t want to assume.
So, you leaned on your door for a second, confused, waiting for him to say something… But he didn’t. You both just stood there, languishing in a tense silence.
It was only a moment later, though, that he surprised you even further. He took a step closer to you, still no words leaving his lips, as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest for the tightest hug you’d ever shared. You returned it without thought, despite how he’d been making you feel the past few days. It was your natural reaction, and hugging Bucky always felt so nice, so right. This hug, though, felt a little different. Almost desperate… You knew something was up, and even though you knew you didn’t have the time right now to get into things, you had to ask him, you couldn’t not,
“Are you okay?” you questioned quietly, tone soft as he kept you close. But when you spoke, it was like your voice broke him out of some kind of trance.
He pulled away then, slowly letting you go as his intent blue gaze stayed on you.
“When I get back,” he rumbled lowly, “can we talk?”
Your brows furrowed, but you still nodded, “Yeah, of course.”
He opened his mouth, as if he was going to say more, but stopped himself before he did. He took a step back, eyes never leaving you.
“Be safe,” you told him as you rubbed your arm, hugging yourself - trying to replicate the warmth you were already missing. Your words earned you a sullen half smile before he finally looked away and headed back down the hall…
It’d been a long couple days.
Sam and Bucky had gotten in late last night and you hadn’t had the chance to talk with Bucky yet. In fact, this was the first time you’d gotten to see him since they got in. Sam, on the other hand, made it his mission to wait up until five am to ambush you in the gym with this incredibly juvenile plan of his.
“Tell me again why you want me to do this?” you asked.
“When Bucky was sleeping on the way back last night, he kept talking out loud, mumbling things… Look, truth be told, he probably has a concussion because he’s been in and out of it since he took a fall from the top floor of the building we were clearing, but he’s been being a dick to me since we left the other day so I don’t feel bad about messing with him a little bit.”
“And you think this is going to be believable to him because?”
“Because I mentioned your name when we were landing and he grabbed me by my shirt and told me to keep his girl’s name out of my mouth. He also very possibly thought I was Zemo telling by the threats that followed, but that’s beside the point. He asked me three times if you were single, if you and him were just friends, or if you guys were dating - not to mention the other questions he keeps asking me every time he sees me, so I know his head is all scrambled right now. But look, don’t think too much about it, I just wanna mess with him a little bit before I take his ass up to the med bay and have Bruce look him over.”
You almost fuzzed out completely at the thought of Bucky calling you his girl, but managed to stay listening enough to catch all of what Sam was saying again. Your gaze was dead set on Bucky as he groaned under his breath, picking up the mug to take a sip before he closed his eyes, squinting in what you can only imagine was a tinge of pain.
This is wrong, and mean, and normally, you wouldn’t do it. But, the selfish part of you, the desperate part, the part who has been in love with Bucky for about as long as you’ve known him, that part, doesn’t want to deny herself the opportunity to pretend, for however short of time, that she was actually his girl.
You know this is messed up, pretending to a possibly concussed Bucky that you are indeed his girlfriend for a little Sam brained prank…but you’re still gonna do it.
Plus, you have to talk to Bucky after this anyway, you’ll get your chance to apologize. And though you can’t be entirely sure what it is Bucky wants to talk about, you’re hopeful it’s an apology from his side, too.
“Alright,” you breathe, “a hundred bucks?”
“A hundred bucks,” Sam smiles.
You suck in your cheeks before you click your tongue and kick a foot forward, taking the first step around the corner to the kitchen.
You walk into the room and Bucky’s gaze perks up as he sees you, eyes wide, but not fully sure how he should be reacting.
You smile as he watches you, trying to gauge your approach as you walk closer.
“There you are,” you say, coming to a stop right beside him. The chair he sits in is angled out from the table and you let your hip lean close into him while you let a hand smooth over his shoulder, snaking behind his neck, squeezing him lightly as he sucks in a breath at your touch. He’s looking up at you, trepidatious and awed.
You lean down and your other hand comes to his stubbled cheek as you guide him closer to you.
“Hey,” you murmur, voice sultry without you even trying. You lean down into him and kiss him, it’s soft and sweet and all too quick as you pull away with a pout.
He still has that dumbfounded look on his face, lips parting too late as he gapes up at you.
“What’s wrong?” you ask, pout still in place, your fingers now playing in the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Huh?” he murmurs dumbly, eyes glued to you as they twinkle.
“Kiss me back,” you complain, though even to you it sounds more like a plea, leaning back into him. He swallows hard before he follows your lead. Your lips press against each other, timidly at first before Bucky gets emboldened by your touch. You murmur into him as his hand comes around your backside, pulling you closer and then down to sit on his lap, his large hand on your hip as he holds you securely.
His once delicate kiss quickly delves into something more fervent and wanting as his hold gets tighter and more possessive.
You have completely lost the plot as you lose yourself in his kiss.
You’re in his lap, practically melting into him as you chase his every kiss, your hands lost in his hair as you try to keep him close to you in turn.
There comes a point in your impromptu makeout session that you are finally forced to pull away for air. You’re breathing hard as you stay in Bucky’s hold, still face to face with him as you try to get a breath in.
“Hi,” he finally greets back, sounding breathless himself.
You laugh a smile before you hear Sam enter the kitchen behind you, clapping loudly as your brows scrunch in confusion at the sound.
You turn your head to look at him as Bucky sends a glare in his direction, his hold on you tightening in his annoyance.
“Finally! Took you two bozos long enough. Now I don’t wanna hear anymore complaining from you,” he points at Bucky, “and I don’t wanna see anymore moping, longing puppy eyes from you,” he turns on you. “You’re welcome, and you’re welcome.”
“Wha-” you open your mouth to question him, but you’re stopped as he holds up a hand at you.
“I wasn’t entirely lying, but he already saw Banner and he’s been cleared. Now so is your conscience.”
“Wh-” Bucky begins, but himself is stopped by Sam’s hand now being held up to him before he turns it into a finger gun.
“You’re welcome,” he repeats before walking off, leaving both of you confused.
It’s a long pause between you before Bucky breaks the silence.
“What wasn’t he lying about?” he asks, voice hushed as he sounds almost embarrassed. His eyes are downcast as he stares at your chest, so close to his, but despite his sudden reticence he keeps his hands on you, ensuring you stay where you are.
You should tell him the whole truth, but you can’t get past the embarrassment yet… maybe later, you think. For now,
“Oh, just… something about you, calling me your girl,” you speak slowly, bordering on teasing as you shyly try to meet his gaze.
When he does look up to you, you can see him search your eyes to make sure you aren’t upset or offended or whatever he could possibly be worried about seeing there. But as you smile softly at him, his lips break into a small smile of his own.
“I, uh,” he huffs a nervous laugh, “I-”
“You?” you question as your smile wavers.
“Remember when I asked if we could talk?”
“Yeah,” you answer meekly, growing a little uncomfortable as you still remain in his lap.
“Can we? Talk?”
“Yeah,” you nod, moving to finally get off of him. Bucky doesn’t lighten his grip, though. Instead he holds you in place, squeezing your hip lightly to still you.
“Last week,” he starts, “I was being a dick to you. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry. I heard Jason in the gym talking about asking you out and how you had a date on Friday and I… I was upset. Hurt,” he adds, almost under his breath. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you, but I did, and I’m really sorry. I know I hadn’t made a move or anything, but I thought we were going somewhere, I thought we had something, so when I heard him talking about taking you out…”
“Bucky, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken more than five words to Jason since he started working here,” you’re quick to say. “I didn’t go out with him, he never asked me out, I - I don’t know why he would have ever said that, I,” you pause, catching your breath. “I thought we were going somewhere, too. Even if he had asked me, I never would’ve said yes. This is, this is what you wanted to talk to me about?”
He’s looking at you like you’re the most precious thing in the world as he takes in your words. He nods, “Yeah, I, I was going to apologize and then I was gonna tell you that Jason wasn’t the right guy for you. I was ready to get on my knees and beg you to not go out with him again.”
“Yeah?” you laugh lightly as you wait for him to continue, hanging onto his every word and very literally clinging onto his body at this point.
“Yeah. And then I was gonna tell you that I’m an idiot, and that I regret waiting as long as I did to say something, but that…”
You hear your breathing shake in his own nervous pause. His brilliant blue eyes shine back at you as his lips twitch in a half smile,
“I am so insanely in love with you. And the thought of you on some other guy’s arm drove me crazy. And it’s my own fault for not telling you sooner, for not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, taking you out, showing you off, holding you close,” he makes his point as his arms wrap around you snuggly, “but if you’d let me, I’d treat you right every day from here on out. Because Jason definitely isn’t the guy for you,” - you laugh at the face he makes when he says that, earning a smile from him in return, “but I’d like to be. If you’d have me.”
“Bucky,” you whisper, arms wrapping around his neck as he holds you, “I’ve never been treated better by anyone than I’ve been treated by you. You’re the best man I’ve ever known,” your voice wavers with your emotion. “You may think you waited too long, but honestly,” you tell him, “I’d wait forever for you if I had to.” You’re nose to nose as you let yourself lean into him. “I love you, so much it’s almost embarrassing,” you huff a laugh, closing your eyes as your lips brush his. Bucky doesn’t waste another second before he’s crashing his lips into yours, smiles and murmurs exchanged between the two of you in your embrace.
“So,” he breaks away with another soft kiss, “does that mean you’re available Friday night?”
“For you I’m available any night,” you smirk. Bucky laughs before nodding, “Good. I’ll be picking you up for dinner, then.”
“It’s a date,” you simper, melting into him as he pulls you close once more.
“God, I love being this close to you,” he says against your temple as he keeps you in his lap, your arms around him as you hug him, nuzzling into his chest. You pull back from him, earning a quiet groan he tries to hide as you inadvertently rub against his crotch. You bite your lip to suppress your smile as you do it again, adjusting yourself on his lap a lot more purposefully.
“Ya know,” you whisper lowly, “you could be even closer if you wanted to.” Your voice is laced with a quiet seduction for his ears only, and as soon as the words have passed your lips, you find yourself being held by Bucky’s strong arms as he carries you down the hall with haste. You can’t help your surprised laughter as you hold onto him, looking up at him with adoration you’ve never had for anyone else. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he gets to his door,
“I want to, hell, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to,” he husks as he shoves open his door.
He strides in and drops you on his bed, turning back just to kick his door shut as you watch him with heavy lidded eyes.
He pulls his shirt off and you let yourself lay back on your elbows on his neatly made bed as you refuse to break eye contact.
“Why don’t you give me an idea, Sergeant? And you can show me just how much you’ve been wanting to.”
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9800sblog · 1 year
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pick a card tarot reading;
how your future spouse will pursue you and their love language.
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requested by @rosearex
ko-fi for tips
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group 1
acts of service and gift giving
they idealize and fantasize you so much, you are so perfect, their everything, sunlight, they don't know how to act well around you. they're probably a little awkward and have so much self doubt when it comes to you, they might be usually super confident but they dont think they are grand enough to have you so they will make themselves useful to you. they'd share your worries and take the weight off your shoulders, they'd be all over you like a guardian angel trying to fulfill each and every of your needs. they may pursue you as a friend first and you'll fall in love with how dedicated and thoughtful they are. they might be overly practical and not know how to deal with romance, so be patient with them! I guess it depends on each culture, but your person would try too hard not to be weird, they'd try hard to look cool, confident or badass, even if it doesn't fit you or isn't your type, they're just really awkward and you'd think they're cute, it will make you wanna calm them down and show them gentle love.
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group 2
words of affirmation and quality time
this person is overly dramatic and they won't take no as a definitive answer, they are crazy for you and unconventional. they think you are soulmates and a power couple. they would act super childish around you, doing anything to impress you and make you laugh, they're the type of unusual grand gestures, no one could ever replicate their love for you and they'd make you feel so sure of that. they wouldn't have to think hard, they're so full of passion and love for you that expressing it comes very easily, they're incredibly romantic and you'd feel like you live in your own little bubble everytime. they have difficulty thinking straight when it comes to you, I think they're usually calm and collected and people wouldn't expect this much expression from them, but, with you, they wanna defy time and space and be with you beyond lifetimes, they live you with their soul, they are addicted to you. they would continuously tell you that you are made for each other and they would wait millenniums to find you, matter of fact, by the way this feels, that's probably what happened. they would just make you feel so incredibly loved and desired, they are obsessed and you two together would be like inner child playtime. very action oriented, fire and sun energy.
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group 3
physical touch and quality time
they would make you feel safe physically and mentally, so much so that they would take you out to explore yourself, the world and all it has to offer. this person would try to show and give you things, feelings, places you've never experienced before, they wanna give you multiple out of world experiences, this is likely a sex or drug thing, but it doesn't have to be, they might just be weird or not like anyone you've ever met before. they wanna make your shared world be like garden of eden before the disaster, where you have the freedom and capacity to do anything y'all wanna do. they are very focused on your feelings and mind, that's what they wanna love the most, they would love if you are a weird outcast and they wanna continue that forever, like bonnie and clyde, they probably fantasize about running away together. the hipster pile.
(look up the owl and the wolf story)
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group 4
gift giving and quality time
this person is probably more traditional, with family heritage around these things, they would just try to be the perfect partner, providing or nurturing. I think a big ring would be involved, family dinner, they would try to impress you with things that they own, their upbringing and knowledge, prove their worth by showing class and power, the gatsby to your daisy, eric to your ariel, very romantic and high maintenance. your lives are probably very busy and full of expectations, they'd make you feel like none of those things matter when you're together and your shared life would be simple, easy and calm. you may have other options at the time, they would win you by acting like you're already married long time ago. I'm really getting old money vibes.
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