#it makes sense that my perceptions would start to change. it also likely explains how my visions have evolved as i've gotten older

[relicsongmel]

New Leaf 11 PM is the ONLY piece of music in existence that's allowed to conflict with my synesthesia

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Trying to start a giant-ass meta on why I ship Mycroft/Albert and what there is to see of it and right off the bat I'm like...I want people to look at every single panel of their interactions.

No, it's not Sherliam levels. And BIG OLD DISCLAIMER: very little of what I'm going to present here is like "We were clearly intended to read it this way." I'll always argue that Sherliam is meant to be romantic: it hits so many well-established notes and tropes it's almost impossible to think otherwise. MycAl is a bit different. I do think it's definitely like...we're welcome and even invited to see it. But a LOT of my shipping it comes from the way I personally read and interpret things. So this is about explaining what I'm seeing that makes me ship it, rather than trying to be like "This is canon and you should agree with me." Anyway, for reference, I'll be using the official translation as far as it goes and then swapping to teawaffles' wonderful translation for the rest!

So...like right off the bat throughout the entirety of their Chapter 4 interactions their body language and expressions and ways of talking are so flirty? (Also, I still find it funny that in the manga Mycroft is introduced before Sherlock and thus Mycal is introduced before Sherliam. Older bros first lol.)

Maybe it's just that 2 decades on the internet have skewed me towards reading suggestiveness into everything, but the way Mycroft addresses Albert feels so flirtatious even if he's literally just being normal. "And what would an Indian Army official such as yourself want from an intelligence official such as myself this late in the evening?" Like...am I crazy? Does that not kinda sound like a porn intro? 😂 (This could also be Sherliam Side-effects. The way they call each other Professor and Detective in That One Scene is like...almost undeniably foreplay. Now every time anyone calls each other by title/profession/rank is this series I assume they're hitting on each other.)

But also Albert is just so...handsy throughout that scene. He's touching Mycroft's knickknacks, and just sort of limp-wristing all over the place. And I mean, I think that's just one of Albert's public-facing personas (customer service peeps, you know what's up) but it definitely lends itself to the existence of Vibes.

Anyway, there's this parallel of "You have my attention. What do you want?" that I think is kinda neat. (But look how comparatively sad Mycroft looks in the second version!!!)

Chapter 4:

Chapter 23:

Btw, in Scandal in the British Empire...why does Mycroft introduce himself to the Queen? Never mind, not why we're here. Again, my weird innuendo sensors perk up in Chapter 17 at "I did not drag you out of bed this early for nothing." Maybe it's because my perception of Victorian niceties, whether it's factual or not, is that there was this sense of avoiding talk of physical realities. We don't speak of pregnancy, we speak of "her condition" and "confinement." We don't "go to bed," we "retire." And so on. So conversely, it feels almost suggestive to even acknowledge that someone was in bed. In whatever state of undress the might imply. *Kellen Goff Sasaki voice:* OOOH how sCanDaLOus. (Mind you I DON'T believe there is anything of authorial intent in this, again, just trying to explain the factors that make me read things a certain way.)

The little mind games: Albert immediately recognizing that he's being tested, and Mycroft well aware that something is off, that he and Albert are using each other to their own ends. All juicy ship ingredients.

Then there's this...I can't articulate why it's important. But it is. Something about mouths and thoughts. If I wasn't terribly lazy, I'd go digging for examples in various manga series and I have a pretty firm suspicion that I could prove that, often, Mouth-Focus Thinking Panel + Name = Ship.

Jumping forward to the start of The Riot in New Scotland Yard (Chapter 29), Mycroft's demeanour has really changed. During the meeting at the British Museum he's radiating "I'm not angry I'm just disappointed" energy. He's tense, he's not sure if the Moriartys are enemies and when he understands their plan he seems understandably sad about it even as he accepts it. But now, he's radiating an almost Sherlock-like excitement. He's just gotten to see a miniature version of The Plan in action during the Jack the Ripper case, and it worked. He says he's just visiting Albert as an acquaintance (read: friend in Mycroftian), and that's what it feels like. They're chummy. It's cute. Also Albert teasing Mycroft over his squabbles with Sherlock when he leaves? When did Albert find out about that, hmm? (I mean, could be spying of course. But I like to think it just suggests they've talked more than we've seen.)

Annnnnd....cutting this part off here because I'm bored of it for now and it's long. I'll do the rest when the mood strikes. 😂

[personasintro]

Have there been any instances where a particular scene or chapter was not perceived how you intended it to be? You just seem surprised by a couple of the recent asks like about MH JK being more affectionate during the first part of the deal and readers asking to see him be whipped for YN. I’ve always wondered whether there are times when writers thought they were going in a certain direction with their plot but the readers have actually interpreted it differently…

That’s a good question! I would say there have been moments when it was perceived differently. However, I can’t think of a specific scene/chapter/moment that would do the justice to my answer. In general, I tried to explain more of Mh Kiko’s feelings and what she went through, or even with Jk and it had a different perception. But that also has a lot to do with opinions, so I’m not sure if that’s the greatest example.

I also think this can happen a lot when you write about topics or moments you don’t usually find in stories and like I said many times before, I’d like to think my stories are not just black and white. I don’t want the cliché stuff when ppl already can see where it’s going or have the same mindset they had when reading hundreds of other fics. It’s one of the reasons why I actually started writing my own stories. Because the amount of fics I read just followed the same pattern and I missed reading something different. If that makes sense.

Also, this is not me saying I’m different and the best at what I’m doing. Not at all. In the end, I’m just doing my own thing and welcome everyone who decides to spend their time reading my stories and content I put out :) plus, fics have changed since then!

Thank you for this question! I saved it for quite some time, so I can respond to it!

[romchat]

My Journey to You Ep. 11 visuals: Peering through paper doors

Something I love about historical (-esque) dramas is a director's ability to use architectural framing to represent character emotions and change. Episode 11 gave us some interesting character moments for the two main couples and each happened through paper doors.

This was one of the first episodes where I finally felt Gong Ziyu intentionally stepped into his leadership position as Sword Wielder by not giving in to his natural impulsivity and naivety. He's made aware of Yun Weishan's possible betrayal, and while he's clearly trying to give her an opportunity to explain herself and join him, he's also refreshingly cautious.

Him keeping the door closed is both a political and personal choice. Ziyu can't reasonably let her go without addressing the medical records, but he wants to reassure Weishan that he won't recreate the political cage he believes her to be trapped in. They both desire freedom and the soft life, but she needs to articulate what she's going through so that he can politically maneuver the situation.

Ultimately, she (literally) opens the door to that possibility—and (literally) steps into the light of her true feelings.

Now, returning to our favorite emotionally repressed and overly cocky couple...

(Side Note: I'm obsessed with this pool in the center of Gong Shangjue's chambers and really hope they make more use of it in future episodes. Think! Of! All! The! Metaphors! I'll take a suggestive shot of dipping her hand into those still waters for $400 dollars, Alex. Please, show, give me something to hold me over until the sexy bath scene from the trailer. Anything.)

Do I sense a disturbance in the Force or is Shangguan Qian actually starting to feel something other than blood-thirst? Of course, she's angry at having been bested by Weishan (and probably a bit wary of having to recalibrate her perception of the other assassin), and Lu Yuxiao is doing some lovely acting letting that jumble of emotions play out on her face. And then she turns her gaze to Shangjue. It's in that shot through the open door that we start seeing the stirring of something else. Whether it's guilt, concern, or just a healthy dose of empathy who knows but it's there.

What I appreciate about the architectural framing of the scene's last shot is that it works on multiple levels:

Shangjue's isolation and shame after obliterating his reputation with the clan's elders. This man wants to be the Sword Wielder because he truly believes he would be a more capable leader. Being seen as having to rely on petty tricks is incredibly humbling.

The depth of the shot through multiple doorways—barriers—makes it seem like Qian's master plan for Shangjue is even further from her grasp now that he is less secure in his plans to depose Gong Zuyi.

And yet...she is also seeing him through the door. Usually, the camera films Shangjue to look powerful: he's shot to look tall and untouchable, looking down from his horse or surrounded by regalia. But here, blocked in by these two doors, he's stripped of all of it. I could imagine Qian feels vulnerable seeing the man whom she has envisioned as larger than life since he rescued her years ago tucked away like this, and so I'm super excited to see if and how she attempts to cross this literal and metaphorical threshold to get closer to him to execute her mission.

[mutipede]

whats yr experience w being a centipedekin? ough that sounds presumptuous im just wonderin what its like for you, i don’t see other centipedekin around a lot. u get any past memories? is it spiritual or psychological? (It’s cool if you don’t wanna answer any of that

Aaayy thanks for the ask! Shit I hope it's alright if I use this as sort of an excuse to ramble - does anyone else get that sensation like "I always think it's cool and fascinating when other people talk about themselves and are open about "weird" shit online but if I do it it's CRINGE" but if someone is interested then I have an excuse hah

It's actually been an interesting roller coaster over the course of my life, figuring that out. I knew I was a zombie way sooner (and that's sort of a… I think mostly psychological? I'm not 100% sure on a lot of terminology or how to explain my experience when it comes to stuff like this hah) but realizing the centipede thing is more recent. And technically they sort of overlap, like I'm not sure if I'm "actually" a centipede when strictly speaking it's more like "I'm a sentient teratoma mutated out of my own spinal column piloting my zombified body around like what would happen if John Carpenter's The Thing LOOKED like a centipede. But also at the same time I'm sort of a centipede."

…If that makes any sense. Which I know it doesn't, but I'm okay with that hah.

The interesting part is - when I was a kid, I was always into bugs, monsters and creepy/gross things. But my mom was also afraid of bugs, and especially centipedes. Like, a bad enough phobia she can't even say the word "centipede". Over time being around that rubbed off on me. But at a certain point, I went "…This is fucking dumb. I'm tired of being afraid of something that I'M not even actually afraid of it's just a contagious reaction caused by someone ELSE'S fear." So I worked on changing that and regaining my childhood appreciation for arthropods. And with centipedes, it was just like… something clicked. I started realizing I didn't just appreciate them for being cool, fascinating creatures (and honestly? Another connection I made was "I like horror movies and roller coasters and the experience of being afraid. I don't scare easily. Therefore it is cool and IMPRESSIVE that this animal made me afraid and makes so many people SO afraid.") - but I also realized that I related to them in a lot of ways.

I'm mostly carnivorous and pretty much entirely nocturnal. Many people seem to find me offputting for reasons that are out of my control and unrelated to my intentions. I feel most comfortable in enclosed spaces and I got that ADHD restless leg syndrome fidgety as fuck. I become uncomfortable in low humidity conditions lol

On top of that I'm pretty sure I've had uhhh - shit, I don't know the terminology I am brand fuckin' new to this as a community or things that other people/entities/stuff experience hah - but that thing where your perception of the shape of your own body changes. Shifting? Various varieties of experience of that. And finally, as a bonus, it sort of feels like some metaphorical healing from internalized self-hatred kind of thing. So that feels pretty nice.

[spanishskulduggery]

When did you first start learning Spanish? And any basic learning tips? I have a few Spanish speaking coworkers but I get so nervous trying to practice my Spanish with them.... and and, when you were first learning Spanish, did you have any little things you found especially fun/funny?

Oh gosh it's been decades now. To give some backstory and you can do your own math here, this blog started in 2013 when I was still in college getting my degree in Spanish

I started in what I think would be middle school when Spanish became a mandatory class, but I didn't start really studying and understanding things until high school. It wasn't until even after college that I REALLY felt like I understood Spanish because there were so many native speakers and people interacting with me.

One thing that totally changed my perception and how I perceive Spanish was there was a question on the preterite and imperfect, and I'm giving my answer and trying to explain some bits about how a lot of times both are potentially correct but it's how you mean it that matters

And someone mentioned that "imperfect" in its linguistic etymology means "not yet completed"; that "perfect" is "done thoroughly" where the -fect is probably related to hacer "to do"... and "imperfect" thus means "not yet done", and just a huge lightbulb moment

I remember thinking "I WISH one of my teachers had known that or said that to me because it makes so much more sense now"

And I still mess up but usually it's followers like "oh we say THIS here" or "that's not the word we use but it reminds me of this thing in my country"

-

A few funny things in Spanish based on mistakes that I've made or things that I learned:

You haven't truly begun your Spanish journey until someone tells you that embarazado/a means "pregnant" not "embarrassed" (avergonzado/a).... similarly no one mentions that embarazoso/a means "awkward" or "unwieldy" in a way

querer means "to want", but it can also mean "to love" or cherish; similarly querido/a means "dear", but la querida can also kind of mean "side-piece" like someone's affair partner woman so if you see someone talking about their querida without a name or a noun they might be talking about an affair

el pelo is "hair", el cabello typically means "hair on the top of the head" like a human... and el cabello is NOT el caballo "horse"

the word for "eye-catching" is llamativo/a and NOT miradizo/a which miradizo/a is one of those old words but it kind of means "awestruck" or "makes you stare in wonderment" in a weirdly poetic way

sartén as "frying pan" can be masculine or feminine depending on country

there are too many words for beans

there are three main words for "purple" - la púrpura usually means "red-violet" or Tyrian purple and also the mollusk you get purple from; morado/a is often "dark purple" related to la mora which can be "blackberry" or "mulberry"; lila is "light purple" meaning "lilac".... you can also say violeta that's fine too

people say naranja for "the color orange" more than anaranjado/a but not everyone has the patience to explain that naranja which comes from the fruit doesn't change for gender

same with rosa as "pink", where rosado/a "pink" is also valid and usually what's taught

regionalisms. regionalisms everywhere

If you're in a really immature class, someone is going to laugh at puse

the word for "jellyfish" in Spanish is la medusa and that makes me happy

similarly, a male "horseman" is often el jinete; a female "horsewoman" or "rider" is sometimes la amazona and that also makes me happy

la macedonia is sometimes "fruit salad", so one assumes that Macedonians were just throwing fruit together in a bowl or something

Except for two big exceptions, most words ending in al- in Spanish are from Arabic origins [the exceptions being anything related to el almuerzo "lunch", and la almendra "almond"]

la manzana can mean "city block" in some places - probably because in a feudal society people lived in "manses" and the biggest house was the "mansion" where the lord lived, and it has nothing to do with apples

la montaña rusa is "roller coaster" literally "Russian mountain" because Russian people used to make little roller coasters by shaping ice mountains and putting tracks on them

la paja rusa does NOT mean "Russian straw", it is extremely NSFW and do not google it on a school server...... in fact don't look up any kind of paja because it's just as NSFW and it means "straw" if you're not talking about sex so otherwise don't worry about it

someone told me that linguistically para is just por+a, so parais literally "for the purpose of" or "for/so that to" and I've never been the same

the word for "ladybug" in Spanish is la mariquita which is "little Mary" because red used to be associated with Virgin Mary and the spots were said to be 7 and represent the joyful/sorrowful mysteries - many languages have a religious connotation to "ladybug"... also English, because the "lady" refers to Mary, like "Our Lady"

The Spanish alphabet used to be different where CH and RR were their own separate letters... it made looking things up weird; I also don't know how I feel about L vs. LL as separate letters because it's a whole other sound but it IS technically two L's

The word for octopus is el pulpo... the word for "pulp" is la pulpa; don't be like me and mix up asking for orange juice with no octopus

I cannot stress this enough but el pollo is "chicken" or "poultry"; la polla is a NSFW word meaning "cock" and as soon as you say you want cock for dinner you will die some on the inside

I don't know what the deal is with ahorita or what it means without hearing the tone of voice and neither does anyone else, it could be anything

caber is the worst verb, but ir/andar are also up there

every so often luego/pues means "thus" or "therefore" and it's going to throw you off

every so often el hacha (technically feminine) means candle or torch, and in any other situation it means "hatchet" so imagine my confusion when I read about people carrying axes around to see

all my life everyone told me never to use gustar without an indirect object and a friend from Puerto Rico says gusta to mean "cool" all the time and it made me question everything

[dxxtruction]

Sooooo, Armand did tamper with Louis memories but my next question is why? I find 'he wanted to manipulate him' a bit crass of a read; lacking. That's not to say he hasn't, or that he'd be so dense to not know that he had, rather that this wouldn't be what motivates him. So, what does, and why did he do it?

Suppose it's easiest to start with the core of it, which is that most anyone typically acts out of a need to cling to (or run from) some sense of self or identity, especially when it's called into question. We have to reckon with how others see us just as much as we have to reckon with how we see ourselves. Grappling with finding relation to the changing and unchanging facts about ourselves - the total amalgamation of what makes us 'us' - comes with an interplay of inner and outer perceptions surrounding everything we do, or seem to do in both these eyes. Armand is called into question by Louis. And from what we know of his character is that his identity is heavily internally clung to two things: A necessity for having control, and a desperate need to be loved.

It's important that how those manifest in him is deeply rooted in the traumas he's faced (Which he wants to run away from in the form of seeking and identifying with said control/love. Even at the expense, knowingly or not, of replicating those cycles). So, it's like he's living in near constant response to it. Leaving him without much else to find identity in.

And loss of identity directly feeds into his traumas as well, it being one of them, done repeatedly. Making the process of having any ambiguity on part of how another views him - particularly from those he cares deeply about the opinions of, especially on matters of love - difficult to accept, and easy to deny. In other words: he needs whatever sustained self image he can hold on to, so struggles identifying with the truth about Louis' feelings about him being so opposed. Upon question, he can't accept what not being loved would do to that image and finds himself seeking the comfort of living in denial.

So, I'd say that then could explain most of it. Being motivated to maintain certain perceptions in the form of tampering with memory: the means through which said perceptions are perceived. Making everyone live in this denial with him also appealing to his controlling. Thus returning this sense of self back to him in both aspects. The emotional wound does explain (not forgive) why he takes to it in the way he does.

But let's go deeper, because there's more to the very situation (1973) as to why. Why would Armand go out of his way to tamper with Louis memory as well, when they'd already reached a kind of conclusion that does appear to keep their companionship? What, to his mind, called for it given the situation?

Harkening back to above, Armand defines himself around Louis in a major way. Louis is his love, is his need to be loved. There's a developed co-dependancy between them. They're at such point both exploiter and exploited in this. His happiness, is Armand's happiness, is reason enough to preserve it in a way that is agreeable. And that agreement is a tricky one to play a balance with, like they honestly shouldn't be together after Paris, but this goes without saying. It's been on Armand, mostly, to make this relationship work. (And even if it was mostly one of a lot of a denial, I like to imagine there are large periods where it has, and they've lived a relatively normal relationship, had this 'dreamy balance' or it simply wouldn't have lasted so long - with or without mind fuckery).

He wants it most too, which is how Louis is able to have some control over Armand. Control in how Louis ability to love him is very conditional and rests a lot on Armand's ability to satisfy, gratify, console, and control Louis for his own protection - despite knowing he'll never make up for Paris he does everything to earn Louis anyway. So could Armand have chosen to do this to be perceived as someone able to earn it still? That's one option. Very plausible.

Louis has a complicated love for Armand, it's there and isn't, but he also can get from Armand whatever he can squeeze out of him, and in this past he takes heavy advantage of it. As Armand is susceptible to his own much greater necessitation to be loved by him, making him go out of his way to do this 'earning'. However, as had been revealed, for Armand this is played up in part to uphold for Louis' perceptions that he really has that much power over him.

Because what we also have to factor in is Armand's other aspect - control. The line, 'Armand preserves my happiness even when I can't or wont. He had a hunch you might prove useful in later times', is rehearsed in much the same way this entire dynamic is one of great rehearsal. It's practiced, or it would be chaos.

There's certainly a part of Armand that likes being in the submissive role too, he likes what comes with it, but he can't be in total service to Louis, and Louis can't be without rules - or there's no control. Rules, roles, scripts, are very important to Armand, they're a way to facilitate a controlled setting, and he's really the one to enforce the parameters of what those are more so than Louis is. See; when Louis breaks from these things of agreement, what Armand normally gives him goes away.

I picture Louis as like the playwright of the relationship - the one facilitating everything - while Armand seems to then stage direct everything about it, sometimes secretly. In this way, Armand places himself as moreso being the one to meet his own satisfaction, gratification, consolation, and control (he has more overall power here in a duel sense) than Louis. Louis own meeting of these things still factor into it, though. Remember; his happiness, is Armands happiness, is his role to maintain so the play will keep writing itself. The curtains would close on their relationship otherwise.

This is the 'balance' of agreement between them, and again, it's entirely likely such balance just could not be maintained were those memories to stay as they were, almost like the jig is up. There's a factor here of Armand probably catching that Louis wouldn’t be comfortable in this relationship knowing more apparently Armand had so much more power over him this whole time. He knew, of course, but in their roles they could forget. This switch up in dynamics over those few days revealed the imbalance of things, a truth about it, and those needed to be masked back up. Theatre.

But let's explore some other ideas too.

I would first repeat myself in more context, Armand tampers with the script for the express purpose of preservation - of its dynamics, its roles, its rules, and of Louis. Nothing has the ability to change if nothing happened and Armand perhaps wanted to go on as if nothing really did - again there's denial. Armand finds reason in preservation to remove those memories. Preservation of Louis is in several ways preservation of himself, is preservation of their companionship. A companionship which is what he defines himself through - his love, his control.

But tacked onto this there's also this protecting Louis from himself - from the knowing of what he did (the arguing, the attempt, and what came after) and why it all happened. This is maybe Armand's way of going about excusing it? But, he probably does think this is to an extent true. He does think he's protecting him with this, preserving his happiness. There's an argument to be made that Louis wouldn't be alive without Armand acting in this way. That, hypothetically, the reminder would be fuel to attempt again, so perhaps there's merit to this excuse. It is ultimately still an excuse though. It's still a fucked up form of protection. One that can't actually allow Louis to move past into healing from the actual causes of things. Or Armand for that matter.

Removing those memories could also be because of a remorse on his part, Armand's regretful role in how he acted during all of it. He doesn't want to be remembered that way. Yet again with identity, and with denial. This isn't the image of who he wants to be. This isn't how he would paint himself.

Armand in this stage director role also just has a tendency to do that - and edit himself out. It'd not be shocking that such a heightened situation would call for heightened dramatics. I don't see Armand taking it to this extreme as being a common thing, this could've been the only time too. That we can't actually say for sure is the terrifying part, the potential is always still there once you know its there. (and the point was never to know it's there).

There's a part of me that wants to say that pairing the 'cut' with Daniel's isn't without it's place in this either. It seems pointed. Armand's jealousy of Daniel over Louis preferring him motivating removing any memory that he ever did have reason to find Daniel so favorable, let alone bond deeper with him over those days. He was making sure further contact was unlikely to happen? Compliant willingness for it now could be a matter of knowing it's a lot safer to do so. Louis seems in a lot better place than he was. Armand can't really say no at this point. And he couldn't tell him why it ever would've been dangerous to begin with, just be extremely on guard about the whole thing.

Really, there's not an easy answer to it that we can point to and say: it's this one. I wouldn't be surprised if it was all these things building to a list of reasons, and more than the one's I've listed. Ends up with more pros than cons? But there could also be hardly calculation at all and it's a purely emotional choice, coming from an emotional place.

A very damaging choice, regardless, among several other damaging choices, and it's one I think can be read with all this nuance without mitigating that. I hope it's been clear I'm not trying to. Intentions don't = impact. Investigation into the intentions doesn't take away from that.

I'm very interested to see how it all plays out, how they handle this on the impact side of things. If they'll actually give more of an answer. Rolin says some interesting things here: x. That alludes to how they're going to address this whole thing about memory - it's monstrous quality - with some of the same nuance I've given. And how a blanket statement on blame, and who did what, isn't where this kind of conversation will end up going.

[boabelboo]

any thoughts of sheaf you’d kindly share with me?

(you made me obsess over her🖕🏻)

OMG??? thought this day would never come.... IVE CONVERTED ANOTHER SHEAF FAN???

thank u sm!!!

okok so im going to share my hcs and how they came to me, whether they're based in canon or i js thought it fit with her.

home life

"a limber little girl from district nine did a back handspring after she recieved a bread roll" tbosas p.96

i treasure this quote so much because it's like the only sheaf-specific quote in the whole book. i usually base sheaf's home life on the fact that she is able to do gymnastics and, more specifically, perform for others. another quote, though it isn't directly about sheaf, also intrigued me.

"lucy gray and coriolanus resumed their picnic seats and watched the show. 'we're a regular circus troupe, we are,' she said as she picked bits of meat off her bone." tbosas p.97

though this quote is from lucy gray, it reflects on not only her but the previously mentioned sheaf and treech who were performing. we know that lucy gray is actually a performer because of the covey, and it is a popular fan-theory that treech has some involvement in theatre (thank u hannah for blessing us w this 🙏), so it isn't far-fetched to imagine sheaf has some experience performing too?

i personally see her as an orphan who is around seventeen years old. i hc this specific age just because it makes more sense for her backstory and she could easily look like a little girl whilst being much older due to malnourishment. she grew up very poor in an orphanage after her parents were shot by peacekeepers for rebel-involvement. district nine, to me, is a very musical and performance based district. sheaf, along with some other of the orphanage kids form a performance troupe (somebody singing, someone playing an instrument and someone performing). sheaf, in this instance is the performer. i think she'd be able to do things like walk on a tightrope and swing from ropes as well. she's extremely flexible and fast which would have aided her in the games if she got to compete.

personality

i have alot of posts analysing how i see sheaf's personality. i find it difficult to explain how i see her sometimes, but to me she's just a much more curious version of katniss everdeen. she's cynical, she's perceptive, she's determined and she's always scheming. she's a kind heart under a tough exterior. she fights nonstop for what is right, and believes the system of hate doesn't need to be changed, it needs to be destroyed. she's also a massive hater irrelated to katniss but yk. she would definitely be open about her hatred of the capitol, and would not be compliant with androcles during their interview. i have a post linking her to katniss here, which elaborates how sheaf's upbringing influenced her to be the way she is.

relationships

i haven't mentioned sheaf's relationships much on this blog, but i do touch on her past relationship with a fellow orphan, pip thistle, in my panlo and sheaf fic, linked here.

i believe sheaf has intense trust issues, specifically toward adults. she mainly distrusts people because of how they treat the orphans in nine. orphans get sent to the games over and over on purpose, because they won't be missed as much. sheaf hates this idea, and actively fights against it, until it's too late.

pip thistle, another orphan who sheaf loves more than anything, gets sent to the games and dies. sheaf becomes distraught and starts being more and more rebellious back home, which eventually results in her getting reaped. she doesn't do it on purpose per-se, but uses it as an opportunity to try as hard as she can to avenge the love of her life. she never gets the chance. she dies before getting into the arena. she fought so vigorously, performing for people that she hates, just to die before she even gets to try and fight. she dies in what she thinks is in vein, and hates herself for it.

i also think sheaf and panlo have a close relationship, though they only knew eachother from afar before the reaping. they vow to stay together during the games, and though sheaf doesn't trust him at first, they end up becoming very close. sheaf only blames herself even more for panlo's death, since he dies before she does of his injuries.

misc

here are some misc headcanons from both me and the amazing @persephoneprice on sheaf's character!!

[goldxnfemme]

heya im here because i saw your femme post and i was wondering if you have any resources about how femme is a lesbian identity(especially wrt butch/femme). ive been seeing too many instances where femme is used as a tie in for non lesbians in distinctively lesbian spaces and its driving me insane how its being taken away from lesbians(if its understood that butch is a lesbian term why cant femme get that same recongnition??)

So, I've considered whether I wanted to answer this or not, and how.

And that's because while I fully understand where you're coming from, the answer is somewhat complicated. The answer is complicated because I have a feeling it'd be close to impossible finding a source that says that in an objective, direct way, aside from you know, oral history, about something that we (lesbians, as a community) don't universally have a consensus about. So even if you did find it, there's a chance there are other sources out there and detailing of experiences that would dispute it.

Therefore, I'll give you more of an analysis instead, I hope that's ok.

A dear femme friend of mine mentioned, when I brought this up with her earlier, that: "It’s reminding me of the discussion we had about historical use of high femme. Hard to pinpoint but we know we’ve seen it (as a sexual role, opposed to stone butch). But they want “scholarly” in areas where we’re more likely to have oral tradition and life contemplative writing, which is seen as less authoritative.

Especially in an era where the people writing about us academically weren’t doing so kindly and likely not as part of the community."

And that's a bit of the frustrating part of lesbian history and lesbian archiving, our individual and subjective retellings aren't seen as serious. Plus with time and the changes in the LGBTQ+ community and our community itself, we have diverse perceptions of concepts and to who they apply.

The way I manage my feelings about these issues:

There will always be someone to fight you on these things from either side and my solution is to make peace with the fact that the way I see it, won't be the way everyone sees it, even if my way makes sense to me. And it's up to us to curate our surroundings as much as we can, if it bothers us in significant ways.

Especially if you're looking for historical validation, it'd be 500 hoops to jump to explain the changes and how we got here (to the point that you're trying to make), in ways that would actually give people you don't agree with the argument of "yeah, but historically" so idk

Quick and extremely simplified historical run through:

At the time lesbian started fully being used, late 1800s/early 1900s, after people started looking differently at female friendships (that basically functioned as marriages in many ways) and noting attraction that may be there, it was used as an anomaly and for the longest time (still is today though :/ ) pathologised, along with many slurs, in order to promote that separation between "normal" and us: basically it was strictly highlighted attraction to women. Now we move right along the last 4 or so decades, we've expanded the concept to exclude attraction to men, right? People attracted to multiple genders have carved a space of their own, their own labels, experiences etc and we have these little separations. But not everyone adheres to those differences and separations.

So, in a way, it's also about making peace with the fact that things have changed because of many factors, that I won't get into here because this is quite long already, and people won't always be in the same page as you about the changes and why do they mean something to you.

Another quick historical recap, that came from a dear butch friend of mine, is that our understanding of butch/femme (that you're talking about, that i discuss in my blog, not the ballroom concepts of it) is first used and seen in lesbian spaces/bar culture spaces/house parties, in celebration of same gender attraction and spaces that first gave these women the "freedom" and autonomy to exist as they were, considering that for a long time there was a distinct separation between family/work life and social life. *

Participation in that butch/femme culture existed within that context of attraction to women.

Also, if I were to guess, I think a factor that affects the way people see femme as not necessarily lesbian, is the fact that many femmes, historically, were sex workers or pulled tricks to gain favours and bring it back to their partners. So that's something to think about, it didn't necessarily mean they were attracted to men, but some people perceived it that way.

So as you can't see, there's not really an easy answer and I apologise for that.

I want to add though, anon, that if this matters to you, it's important that you keep reading, read as much as you can and read about arguments you don't agree with as well, so at the very least you understand/have an idea where they're coming from and what those arguments are based on. And if you're reading a book that you don't really agree with, try to consider the context of it/time it was written and published, that has helped me tremendously in my reading, to note the differences between my present and theirs.

Here's some books you might enjoy, though unfortunately they won't give you that direct answer you're looking for:

Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy and Madeline Davis

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America by Lillian Faderman

I've read this enough that it's starting to blur in my mind, so I very much hope it makes sense lol

And shout out to my very own butch/femme community, my friends, that discuss these things with me and allow me each day to have a more grounded understanding of myself as femme and our culture.

*Yes, I know some gay men were there too, I'm aware, however there were spaces with the majority of their public being lesbians, especially with mentions of the way that lesbians socialised being different than the way gay men did. Funnily enough, because of the work/family life being separated from social life, sometimes gay men would be beards for lesbians in family gatherings.

[peachdues]

peach oh my LAWD phanta 3 was so good 🥺. Would you consider explaining the title a little more? i read the para at the end with it and i kind of got it, but i wanted to pick your brain a little too!

(I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get around to this pls don’t hate me too much).

First, thank you!! Second, I love this question bc honestly, the Phanta brain rot is still real. More below the cut since I went off lol.

spoilers below.

Almost everything in Phantasmagoria is, well, a phantasmagoria — an exhibition of optical effects and illusions; a constantly shifting complex succession of things seen or imagined.

Nearly every part of the story — character interactions, perspectives, plot points — is distorted in some way, whether it be by Wisteria/alcohol, grief, or just individual stubbornness.

The Wisteria is probably the most obvious example, as it literally distorts Reader’s perceptions of both herself, her environment, and her interactions with others

I was particular with not describing the Reader physically (even beyond her clothing) past that initial scene in Part I when she goes to the Kizuki for the first time with Mitsuri. When she does describe herself, she speaks of herself as a “raving princess” and “effervescent” — but nothing truly descriptive.

Why does it matter? Contrast that with the comments Sanemi makes about how he “wouldn’t have known it was her” (which later we find out is literally true); he also tells her, point blank, she looks gaunt, and she has no reaction whatsoever — not even an internal reaction. That’s the wisteria distorting her self-image, until she finally looks in the mirror at the end of Part II and fully sees herself for the first time in a while — and realizes what it has done.

But the Wisteria distorts other things too, namely, the appeal of the club/rave life that Reader throws herself into. At first, she calls it a paradise — it’s her escape from both her heartache and from herself in general. The club then distorts her perception of others — namely, Sanemi, like when she describes him as “menacing” under the club lights, and yet the flashback that immediately follows is one of the saddest in the series — and it shows that Sanemi is hurting just as much as she is. But the wisteria distorts everything around her, so she’s only seeing what she wants to see. Yet, when the illusion starts to crack, what happens? She panics — she describes the Kizuki as too loud, too claustrophobic; the Wisteria quite literally leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

The other major example of a phantasmagoria in the story is its main theme — grief. Anyone who has been up close and personal with grief can probably attest to the way it quite literally changes how you view everything — even if that means it narrows your perception (I.e. distorts it). Both Reader and Sanemi are grieving significant losses, and those losses make them blind to the other’s suffering in return. It’s not so much miscommunication as it is two kids who were forced to bear the weight of the world way too fast.

That grief then continues to distort their reality, but not in the sense that they’re misremembering events. Everything they say happened, actually happened. Y/N was abandoned by Kyojuro and Sanemi; but she distanced herself from them first, and she also abandoned Sanemi when he needed her. Neither of the boys were there for her while her mother was sick and when she died; but they didn’t know until it was too late. Sanemi did return her feelings 100% at the train station; but he was so overwhelmed and reeling from Genya’s death that he reacted poorly. Sanemi did see Y/N that day at the crosswalk; he just didn’t recognize her. Y/N was isolated after her mother died, but Sanemi was desperately trying to find her the whole time.

Thus, everything happened exactly the way both Y/N and Sanemi said it did, but their grief prohibited them from stepping back and seeing the broader picture — so their interpretation, though objectively true, is still distorted. This translates into other things as well, such as Y/N constantly misinterpreting Sanemi’s motives and efforts to make things right between them, because otherwise, it wouldn’t square with the understanding she has of what happened and why. She thinks he’s using her for convenience; he’s actually letting her use him in any way she wants just so he can have a chance to take care of her. She accuses him of being possessive because he feels entitled to her affection, but he actually loves her (deeply), and is terrified of losing her, because she is quite literally wasting away in front of him. She says he doesn’t care about her, yet she won’t let him. He tries to talk to her about everything right after they start hooking up, yet she refuses to engage. She runs away. She’s cold, and she shuts him down harshly even when he tries to offer her bare minimum affection and care (this also is supposed to contrast with what we know as the Reader, which is that she is still very much in love with him). We also find out that Sanemi spent every other weekend taking flowers to her mother’s grave — again, shattering that illusion she’s created in her mind that he doesn’t care about her.

It’s not until they finally hash everything out in the kitchen at Tengen’s that both realize they’ve been focusing on one narrow part of a much larger picture, and that they’ve both let their grief blind themselves to one another. When Y/N finally steps back and looks at the whole instead of the part, the illusion shatters. Love is the final phantasmagoria. Y/N realizes that she’s mistakenly believed she was running away from love (and thus, Sanemi) only to realize that not only has she been running in circles, but Sanemi has been running opposite of her the whole time. They’re two sides of the same coin; they were bound to crash into one another at some point.

This is just like, a bird’s eye overview of the mind map that I drew out in my journal for Phanta, and I’m sure I’m leaving something out. If y’all have any thoughts, I’m always happy to hear them (seriously).

Thank you for the ask, and I apologize that I went off the deep end lmao.

[bigtreefest]

Biscoff Cookies and the Effects of Airplanes on Food Taste

Posting this bc I promised @krirebr I would. I hope y’all love your weekly dosage of science I’ve gathered in the tidbit below. I also just wanna say, one of my least favorite words is ‘umami.’ It’s been used increasingly in recent decades to describe a certain savory flavor profile amongst scientists and culinarians alike, and tbh, I just don’t like it. Be that as it may, its use is essential for this mini informative post, but I just want you guys to know the inner turmoil I faced every time I had to use that word. 🙄

Ok, so we’re answering three questions here:

1. Why does stuff on planes taste so bad? 2. Why do they serve Biscoff on planes? 3. What is my opinion on biscoff?

Let’s get it:

1. Why does stuff on planes taste so bad?

Well, does it taste bad, or just different? Airplane food is universally known as the butt of the jokes of bad comedians, whether or not they’re telling the truth. Let’s start with the explanation of what happens to our perceptions of food when we get into the air. The higher you climb in elevation, the lower the air pressure. To explain it simply, it’s because there are less molecules on top of you, pushing down, and therefore less pressure. The same effect is seen in how deeper waters have higher pressure, because the weight of the water molecules above adds up the deeper you go. Although most flights reach above 30,000 ft (~10,000m) in elevation, air plane cabins (where you sit) are pressurized to somewhere around the density of air at ~5,000ft (~1,600m). Even at this change in pressure/elevation, there are many changes the body goes through (I went to science camp for 2 weeks to study some of these effects. Ask me about that some other time.). You breathe faster since oxygen does not reach your lungs as easily from the decreased pressure. Essentially, the molecules are not being shoved as forcefully into your body, so they don’t attach and aren’t sensed as readily. The same thing happens with your senses of smell and taste (which are associated). Most of the taste profiles, including spicy, sweet, sour, salty, and bitter, are decreased by the increase in elevation and decrease in air pressure. In contrast, the one flavor profile that is increased is umami/savory. HOWEVER, this can sometimes be difficult to sense if there is a lack of salt (seasoning things with salt makes them taste more like themselves. That’s food science, baby). These considerations go into the preparation of food for planes, where extra spices and salt are added in their preparation so they taste more similar to something you would experience on the ground. A normal meal would lose a lot of flavor, and I’m sure airplane-intended food tastes much better on the ground. But also, at the end of a day, it’s a prepared meal, served in a mobile metal tube, designed to be reheated, so it’s not going to be really phenomenal anyway.

2. Why do they serve Biscoff on planes?

Now, if you ask Kris, she’ll say ‘captive audience’ (and my college roommate agrees), but there could be a few other factors to it. Biscoff has been branded as a staple for several airlines, especially Delta. They come in small packages, which is ideal for serving many passengers while dealing with very little space in the plane refreshment areas. They can be eaten easily out of small packages and easily cleaned up (unless they crumble everywhere, which I have to say, they have a pension for. That’s something I don’t like.). They also have an incredibly long shelf life (likely due to their dryness, along with other ingredients), making them ideal for something on-the-go and to ward off health code violations. And also also, if you think about it, the cookies are highly spiced in cinnamon, allowing their flavor to come through in the higher elevations, which may be pleasant for many. They’ve also been dubbed as the snack equivalent of drinking ginger ale on planes, which is hilariously common. What does surprise me, though, is that to me, they seem like a bit of a luxury snack cookie, so I’m sure they get a great bulk deal from the company with humble family beginnings.

3. What is my opinion on Biscoff?

Yeah, I think they’re pretty good. My first experience eating them was loopy off knee surgery (ask me about that later, too, if you want) and I remember asking for more because I thought they were so good. I’ve been given them a handful of times on planes, but I commonly don’t eat them. They just get shoved in my backpack and never touched because I have to be in the right mood to eat them. I think they’re alright, but they’re far from a first choice. Their grandma-like nature makes me feel like they’re healthier? Yes, the cookies are dry, but they’re not drying to my mouth. Plus I love the spice of the cinnamon. Something about the paste they form in my mouth, too, is nice. Comforting, somewhat. Would enjoy with a glass of tea, but I can see how others wouldn’t like them. Plus, I feel like when they’re put into cookie butter or something, they lose a little character. 5.5/10. But I’ve already spoken about how Ransom doesn’t have the greatest taste. Plus, I’m sure he was eating them because they were what was around. Like I said, grandma food.

I think that’s all I have to say. I will be taking questions. It was nice to research something fun for a change.

References (links bc I know you guys def don’t want APA citation format):

Why does food taste bland on planes? (WONG Tak-kan, 2018)

The reasons airplane food tastes so different than on the ground (Jade Tungul, 2021)

Why does food taste different on planes? (Katie Moskvitch, 2015)

Why Are Biscoff Cookies Such A Popular Inflight Snack? (Matthew Austin Ryan, 2023)

How Biscoff Became the Cookie of the Skies (Lillian Stone, 2022)

How Biscoff Cookies Became the Snack We Crave on Planes (Kaitlin Menza, 2020)

[lollipopsub]

Hey!! I was wondering if you knew the timeline of season 2 of my beautiful man? I'm kind of confused. Is it supposed to be that hira and kiyoi have been together all through college? Or am I wrong about the timeline of the first season, because I thought that the finale of season 1 was during hira's first year of college. I'm just surprised that they seem still so unsure of their relationship if they've been a couple for years? Hopefully I'm making sense 😅 thank you so much if you take the time to read this 💖

Hi! Thanks for the ask. So compared to the timeline of the book, they're jumbling things up a little. The story with the party and the model hitting on Hira happens at the end of book 1 as a little sidestory, so canon they're still very young and just started dating.

In the series, supposing they get together at the end of Hira's year 1, and now he's halfway through year 4, they've been dating for close to 3 years I guess? Though I do reckon the decision to skip to this point in time (both novel and show) was made because of the life decisions they're going to have to make at this point in their lives, so maybe not too much thought have been put into the fact that it means they've been dating for so long.

If we expect this relationship to develop the way most relationships do, we're probably not gonna like what we'll be getting. These two emotionally constipated babes both have way too complicated perceptions of human relationships for this to have ever been an option. It's like asking a spoon to be a fork, it just ain't happening.

My point is, I don't think they are unsure of the relationship; they each know that they only have eyes for one another, but the balance in the relationship is just so completely off still. And this is basically what this season is gonna revolve around :)

!!!! POSSIBLE SPOILER !!!!!!

aka my interpretation of what the story might possibly revolve around based on the book 2 synopsis and 1st novel

I think it's hard to say much yet, but the synopsis for the show revolves around how their ways of loving each other is clashing terribly.

Hira lives in a world that is very hierarchy based and very black/white. He is at the bottom of the pyramid and Kiyoi is at the top. Their worlds are different and they can never truly co-exist on an even level; this world that Hira lives in is almost completely static, and he has no desire to move further up the social pyramid, which in his mind would be the only way for him to deserve Kiyoi.

He does not even see the possibility that Kiyoi chooses to go against this pyramid system Hira's made up. This reality does not occur to him because it simply is not an option. He never thought of it as one, so it genuinely is unfathomable to him. If you went back in time and met someone from the 60s, you wouldn't expect them to be able to explain the internet to you because it doesn't exist in their world and their reality. It's the same idea. It's not that he doesn't want to; he genuinely can't and he also is not aware that he is "lacking" something.

I feel like he still believes Kiyoi is with him as a sort of act of pity or sheer boredom. Hira's purpose is to worship Kiyoi and to be this close to him, even being intimate with him, is making Hira into a sinner committing a mortal, unforgivable sin. He should not be doing what he is doing; he does not deserve it qua his position in the hierarchy of the world. He would need to change everything about himself in order to be a deserving mate for Kiyoi; which I think is what he means when he says he needs to do better. He needs to be better; being himself the way he is now will never be someone who could ever deserve anything good.

ON THE OTHER HAND... Kiyoi may also not have a healthy relationship with love and commitment, but he truly, innerly and deeply wants to be loved. He wants to be the most important one to someone, he wants to be wanted more than anything and anyone else. He initially yearned for the kind of blind fiery, almost violent love that fans give to their idols, because he just wanted to be seen by anyone at all. He grew up feeling like an after-thought and a second choice; his mom was too busy with work, then his younger siblings came around and they were more important than him, so no one paid any mind to him and he was important to no one. Now, with time passing, he knows to himself that he doesn't want just anyone, he wants Hira and Hira only. He tries to navigate the world that Hira lives in, but Kiyoi's person and his free will does not exist in it; how is one supposed to exist in a world where you are not even perceived as a human with feelings and flaws and wants and desires?

I think this show is going to challenge even more how unreliable a narrator Hira has been for the viewer: I personally think that the sole reason some view this show as toxic is because they do not realize that Hira is a terrible narrator. We are not by any means given the whole picture and the whole truth, which is what is shown in the last two episodes of season 1, and I believe it will be shown even more in this show because of a less narrow POV.

Anyways, I might very well be wrong - haven't read the second novel yet, so I'm just based it all off of ~vibes~ and a synopsis.

[wolfwrenbrainrot]

All the thoughts I ever had about SW ship wars from 2015 to 2023?? And why I ship Wolfwren I guess Idk

⚠️ DISCLAIMER ⚠️

I’ll be discussing the ship wars that are happening right now in the ahsoka fandom and compare it to how my perception about the fandom war that happened during the sequel era changed with the years). Oh, and I’m going to get into some tangencies that may not make much sense most of the time, so reading this to the end is on your own account. I ended up being a bit cynical too, but not in a mean way, I hope?

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I usually give up everytime I start writing an opinion on tumblr, because most of the time I just think my opinion won’t change anything, but the ahsoka fandom got “revived” (not that it was dead, but, well, we haven’t had any new episodes and to an extent the most of us move on to others shows a little until we get new content, like it happened these last few days) and I’ve been thinking about this show all on my own for a while (my friends aren’t really into Star Wars stuff, so they can listen, but they’ll never GET IT like interacting with fans online will). I’m explaining myself too much, but all I mean by that is that by writing this, I don’t intend to add fuel to the fire. That’s why i won’t tag sab//ra, r//lo or mention the ships just because I don’t want to upset those of them that can have normal conversations about media nor trigger those that can’t (which, thankfully, doesn’t seem to apply to all sab//zras). So, if you don’t like Wolfwren, you’ll only see this if you are looking for a ship you don’t like or if you’re invested enough in not liking it to check the anti tag. I’m not judging, we all been there. In fact, I was there during the sequel era, with a ship that is pretty similar in dynamic to Wolfwren. It was also pretty similar to a ship I loved at the time, Catradora, from Netflix’s She’ra. So, yeah, I was a big hypocrite. I still kinda think sapphic enemies to lovers is the superior taste of the trope, but that’s because I’m so profoundly gay it would scare the gayest gay, so obviously the ships I’m more invested in are sapphic. It’s a given. But my point is, now I see the whole R//lo argument from a different angle, that you can disagree with, but I believe is more realistic:

I don’t ship it.

Although it is an illusion to believe our taste in fiction is not related to who we are as people (because blah blah blah capitalism blah blah blah I’m a commie), it is possible to distinguish what we want from two fiction characters and how we expect to meet our partners in real life lmao.

(This next part I’m a bit uncertain of how it’ll be perceived, but I hope it makes sense. Please, both R//los and antis that may or may not be reading this, be patient and try to understand what I’m trying to say.

Yes, Finn was casted aside by Lucasfilm. Yes, K//lo getting a more prominent role in the films played a part in this whole process. Yes, there was a part of the R//lo fandom that was racist to John Boyega. This is also true for the Star Wars fandom as a WHOLE, because there was plenty of shitty dudebros complaining about the same shit they’re complaining today, “woke culture” and all that crap, just because they decided to have a woman and a black man as the protagonists. A decision that most likely wasn’t made by those executives thinking: “Oh, wouldn’t it be so great if we made a few minorities feel seen in this universe many of them really love?”. But it did that.

The Force Awakens came out and, despite being, at the same time, a remake of A New Hope and a continuation of Return of the Jedi, its new characters had SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. And, limitations imposed by mainstream products made by big corporations and set in galaxies far, far away from ours aside, black people and women felt represented. It is one of the many contradictions of symbolic effect of minorities groups being represented in media produced in the system that oppress them (commie, warned you). Does it change things? No, not really. Isn’t it usually done it a way full of limitations that sometimes reinforce certain ideas that are pretty harmful? Yeah… Kind of… But didn’t it feel great, after growing up frustrated that Leia wasn’t a Jedi in the old movies, to have Rey? Wasn’t it awesome that black people got Finn? This complex (at least, it started that way) defected stormtrooper turned rebel? That could, maybe, even be force sensitive…? Yes to all of those questions! Tricky, isn’t it? By the way, I do believe that (before TROS) Finn had the narrative placement of Han (reluctant hero), Poe had Leia’s (rebel leader that gets captured and literally puts important information in a droid lmao), Rey had Luke’s (lives a boring life but has a calling to the adventure blah blah blah becomes a hero, we all heard it so many times) and Kylo had Vader’s (villain that’ll eventually get redeemed by the hero). All basic, old hero’s journey. A story structure that, despite being critical of, I eat up every fucking time it envolves spaceships and lightsabers. Getting back to the point, representation has its limits but it matters and the Star Wars fandom is full of racist, sexist pieces of shit and there was a percentage of the R//lo fandom that were too. But shipping R//lo isn't, like, intrinsically racist. You can make an argument for the implications of Adam Driver being chosen as a romantic interest (both by many fans and by Lucasfilm) over John Boyega, but at the same time there is, to some degree a level of which trope (friends to lovers or enemies to lovers) attracts you more. For me, it depends. I was a Finnpoe with a soft spot for Finnrey and an anti R//lo. But I’m obsessed with Wolfwren. Guess I like non-menacing men and evil lesbians. Wonder why Ezra Bridger is my favorite Rebels character and I ship Wolfwren. 🤔

Going back to the “Opinion on R//lo checklist”:

Would I like to meet my future partner by being kidnaped? No, not really. Do R//lo shippers want that? I think it's pretty safe to say they don't, even if they joke about it as much as I do about wanting Shin Hati to stab me. Because, ohh, right, it's a fictional movie about spaceships, galatic wars and space wizards. Yeah, I totally forgot about that when I was younger.

So, shipping R//lo doesn't mean you condone abusive relationships or domestic violence or whatever. Same applies to Wolfwren. ‘Cause, like, they aren't in a relationship yet, they’re not even friends or allies… They're on opposite sides of a war. You’re supposed to try to kill each other. Some people are just intrigued by the tension/dynamic between two characters and some others are just attracted to the characters and want to read about them fucking, and if it upsets you enough that you need to try to annoy people into stop shipping it… you need to rethink your relationship with fiction. I’m saying this because I had to do it, too. I went on with the mob and statements I agree to this day got mixed up with a bunch of nonsense and I thought that by being anti R//ylo I was making a statement, I was fighting against the romanticization of toxic relationships. I wasn't. It’s like that Luca Guadagnino’s film, “Bones and all”. Canibalism as a metaphor for love has been explored in multiple ways, by multiple artists in paintings, films, novels… Does it mean all the people who produced and consumed those works want to eat human flesh?

There’s also different ways of shipping an ETL ship. I love Wolfwren, and, in fanon, I don't mind it getting super angsty and fucked up, Killing Eve style, but I also love it when it's a slowburn romance with them going from enemies to reluctant allies to slowly building a friendship and falling in love. Do you see the range? Shipping is also about imagination, about overanalyzing things, about wondering what could character x possibly bring to character y? If Wolfwren ever does become canon, my perfect scenario would be the slowburn one, though I’ll love every second of them fighting and stare into each other's eyes until then.

If you ship S/b/rza, it doesn't mean you're homophobic. Unless you, well, use homophobic rhetoric to hate on Wolfwren and/or its shippers. This homophobic rhetoric can also be an attempt of being (hate to use this word) “woker” than the person shipping a gay ship and saying the queer people shipping Shin and Sabine are actually reinforcing lesbian stereotypes. Triste me when this is not the hot take you seem to think it. Maybe try researching a bit about queer representation in media, queercoding and the hays code era. Or try to put yourself in our shoes. As I stated above, representation has its limits but it matters and increases our ability to connect to the pieces of fiction we're consuming. In my case, as much as I can enjoy it, there's always gonna be a degree of alienation when it comes to “straight people media”. That's why I headcanon characters as sapphic. Because I am. That's why autistic people headcanon characters as being autistic. Same goes for trans people and other minority groups that do the same. So, in the end, it doesn't really need to be canon and even after today I’m still not that hopeful, ‘cause, again, it's Disney. If anything, there's always a possibility that, if Shin lives, she ends up being paired up with a random dude just so people can't call her a lesbian (this has never, ever, stopped a lesbian before tho lol). I'm guessing whatever happens with Wolfwren won't affect what happens to S/b/rza. I may be proven wrong in the future but I think they closed that door in the show, at least for now. Filoni doesn't seem that interested in writing romance to me, especially this time around. We are yet to see physical or romantic attraction being even remotely alluded to in this show. (S/b/rzas interpretation of Sabine's motivation to find Ezra or my interpretation of the tension between Shin and Sabine doesn't change that). It's a pretty sexless show (and I’m not saying they should have explicit sex on a Star Wars show, but George Lucas didn't shy away from romance and showcasing attraction and romantic love). I believe that's why he made sure to “discard” S/b/rza, despiste knowing it was a relatively popular ship in the Rebels fandom (obviously it doesn't stop anyone from shipping it, but it is an indicative of how Filoni intended us to perceive their dynamic). You know what I mean? Wolfwren happening or not, being or not supported by the cast and crew, doesn't change anything for your ship. And to be really honest, it is kind of funny to me that some people feel threatened by Wolfwren. ‘Cause, like, even if Filoni wants to make it canon, in the end it will be up to Lucasfilm and Disney to allow it or not and the best they gave us so far is Velcinta in Andor. Do you truly believe we have a better chance at getting our endgame than you do? Come on, guys. Please. I don't think any of us will, just to be clear, but even if Wolfwrens “win” this ship war, it won't be like some injustice or disrespect towards the s/b/rza fandom. Same goes for s/b/rza, because unlike Poe x Zorrii that was a last minute, pulled of their ass straight romance that only existed to send the very clear message that Poe Dameron is a heterossexual man (lol, he isn't). Ezra and Sabine do have a history together that I see as platonic but can be interpreted as romantic. And you will still be able to ship it, even if Sabine ends up with Shin. That's why fanfiction exist. If she ends up with Ezra, I’ll keep reading my Wolfwren fanfics and be happy with it. At the end of the day, it's just fiction. I care enough about it to write a long ass Tumblr post, but not to make me actually upset over a relationship that isn't my own.

[miguelsjoy]

Here's a lil old SELF SHIP fanfic I made for 🥦🥤

Get Up

(angst / comfort) (CW: hinted "bang bang" around the end)

It's been at least a month and a half since Todd and Cola were official, while they had to deal with an angry Envy Adams, the relationship has been going steady.

Cola and Todd walk out of a convenience store, Todd munching on a celery stick while Cola has a blow pop sticking in his mouth. As they walked together, Todd kept talking about how much he's been improving strength wise ever since they started dating, basically humble bragging to Cola but also sort of thanking Cola for making him be on the path of being a better man, But Cola gets distracted by a thought that pops into his mind.

He stops for a second as he feels a sense of deja vu...which triggers him to take a deep breath before asking Todd a kinda loaded question (to Cola at least). He'd ask Todd if he truly liked him, like this wasn't just some stunt or some fling to him

Todd (as simple-minded as he was) quickly replied, "Yeah, I mean, it's not like I can fake sparks or anything!" but he'd see Cola's facial expression and kinda realize that something was a bit off with his new boyfriend. There was no playful teasing or loving "idiots", just Cola being distracted by a thought on his mind...So Todd would stop by a bench and would ask Cola to sit with him as he'd ask what's wrong.

Cola would look at his shoes that were covered in snow as he would clam up a bit. he wasn't used to feeling this way, but todd would put a hand on Cola's, reminding him that they could practically get through anything together

"I mean, we both were able to take on envy...and she's a...bit scary hahah.."

Cola would take this into account and then gulp, before recounting a past relationship he was in before he got famous.

He thought he fell in love, he felt the sparks between the two of them...but rather quickly those sparks started to fade, and Cola started to realize how much his ex toyed with him emotionally.

"He...never really cared about me, he didn't care about my interests or anything, he just...stringed me along until it was time to fuck, and when it was convenient for him to like me.."

He spoke, trying to fight the tears away. Cola would reveal that while he did get famous off of the pain he had to go through, it was the relationship itself that triggered him....and kinda twisted his perception on men. He was so embarrassed that he got played by a dick, that he practically changed his name so he could never be associated with that side with him again. That vulnerable weak part of him, the part that he let his ex see, the part that he was embarrassed of... And changed it to Cola. The big shot, The music's new it boy, and now Todd ingram's boyfriend.

Cola would shake a bit before glancing at Todd

"and now I'm hanging out with you, and I'm just like '...what if I get hurt again?'

'what if he's just stringing you along again?' "

Todd was, kinda moved by Cola's display of emotions, especially since he wasn't used to seeing this side of him. But Todd would then reach out to Cola and give him one of the tightest hugs he's ever given anyone.

"Well do what I do and don't listen to your noggin!"

"huh?..."

That explains a lot....but still.

"Listen, I kinda get it. Your brain is making you think that you can't be in love anymore because of some jerk in the past, but look at you now! and besides, if you were just some fling to me, I wouldn't be constantly trying to get to know you!"

Cola's roommate and his manager could agree...since Todd has been harassing both of them for Cola info

"If I didn't like you, you'd DEFINITELY know it. But trust me, I do. Dang, if you want me to, I could steal a star for you!"

Cola would blush heavily...taking comfort in Todd's words before softly hugging him back

"Todd..I don't think a big ball of gas could fit in my room.."

Cola acknowledged while chuckling a bit

"Wait. Stars are made out of gas?"

This would cause Cola to laugh, making him feel better. Cola would wipe his tears away before smiling

"You're right. I'm not gonna listen to my brain that much anymore. I'm just gonna, feel."

"THERE WE GO! now, are we gonna kick this ex's ass~"

"Todd, no... even though he kinda deserves it. But I know something that'll make me feel better without either of us going to jail for assault?"

"Ooooo what?"

Cola would then whisper in Todd's ear

"How about another private listening session at my place again~"

Todd's face would be brighter than a sick child's nose before eagerly nodding.

Cola would get up, stretching his body before walking Todd back to his place. He'd look at Todd with his eyes practically filled with affection. For once, someone mattered to Cola... like they said they do...

[loversgothic]

Maybe you've done it already and I missed it, but what would Gabriel's two-week-notice look like in the Ultradanse AU?

This has nothing to do with any other comments you have made about feral Gabriel or any other desire to see how he changes from The Gilded Nightingale to The Nightingale.

:3c. OOOHH. WELL

ive been really trying to think about that hard, since comparing the characters to those in fairytales and ballets tended to skew the story a bit.

and uh... my descriptions wont be the best.. im not the best at explaining things in ballet terms moreso just based on my perception of the art form and what i see in it through my eyes.

also im gonna go off of the concept that ultradanse is almost like a stage performance, a show

the most i can do to describe how it looks is to compare it to my vision for the first encounter with Odile/V1... because of the way i designed his lil costume he has a sort of princely look, and even though hes yknow. out to kill V1 because V1 traversed past his warnings, his dancing with V1 then is much more... poised. it might feel a bit distant, maybe it might even seem like hes unsatisfied doing it, as at the time there is no personal connection with V1, no love nor hatred. its not romantic, hardly so. i dont know if this is a good example, but i was thinking abt Prince Siegfried's dancing in Waltz: Tempo di valse...

once V1 is pretty much responsible for his 2-week notice, i like to think Nightingale/Gabriel starts to match V1's high energy, his grace is kinda going out the window... itd be much more intense. if its a pas de deux hes probably getting his fucking hands all over them like hes about to tear them apart. hes abandoning that princely facade. i feel like though in the second half a pas de deux between them would make them slow their pace. now that both of them are dancing together and able to match intensity, it starts to slow down into something more... romantic? yeah :3 i like to think this, this is where any romantic tension starts

now about how he changes from the gilded nightingale to the nightingale. you see... after their second encounter, Gabriel is convinced hes going to die, after all thats what he was told. once he returns from heaven, he seeks out V1 to ask of one final request. he doesn't want to die lonely, and asks V1 to dance with him until the final hour runs out. V1 has no reason to accept his request, other than something pulling at it do so and the possibility it could take a little bit more blood before he's gone. dancing together, progressively Gabriel becomes weaker and weaker.

i REALLY wanted to keep this secret for a scene i wanted to draw but honeeesttlyyyy i dont think its too bad if i share it. after all, im not sharing V1's feelings here. im sharing Gabriel's :3

i had this whole.. plan

my thing abt pas de deuxs is that. i like to find symbolism in the fact that traditionally, the male dancer is supposed to support the ballerina to be able to perform moves she typically wouldnt be able to on her own without someone holding her.

towards the end of their dance, V1 switches positions to hold and uplift Gabriel instead, who has this entire time been in the place of the male dancer. in his approaching final moments V1 lays him down on the ground. he's hardly moving, and V1 holds onto him, finding itself not wanting him to just... disappear.

now im still figuring out HOW i want this to work. but i thought abt V1 in desperation, grasping onto the sides of his helmet and ripping his helmet in half being the symbolic thing that sets him free. the thing about the gilded nightingale, is that the armor is the bird's cage. Gabriel's design in this AU only really has the helmet and no other armor, so it just... makes sense to me. this is what sets him free. how the transformation works though? i am.. still thinking about it. you might need to give me a bit to think about that

[boltwrites]

Hi there,

I saw your requests were open and wanted to see about perhaps some more Wrecker content? If not, it's no worries. F!reader for the reader, and maybe some cockwarming to tease him?

Hope you have a great season <3

A/N: yes, wrecker!!! i don’t see nearly enough stuff for this man. i really loved writing this one, enjoy!

Reminder that asks are still open, if anyone wants to request more!

By clicking read more you verify that you are at least 18 years old

"Just to cuddle? Are you sure about that?"

Wrecker sounded confused, head cocked to the side as you slid into the bed. You always picked made sure you had a hotel room picked out and ready when Wrecker and the rest of the batch were planetside. You also prepared in other ways - Wrecker wasn't around often, and when he was, you spent most of your time together participating in activities that really did necessitate that preparation.

Wrecker was a big boy, after all.

But this time, you wanted to try something a little different. You two always got so into it on the first night that you were never able to keep up the pace the next day. Maybe you needed to slow down a little bit... realign your bodies, so to speak, before you got into anything serious.

"Yeah, just to cuddle. I don't really feel like doing anything else tonight. I had kind of a rough day," you sighed. That was the truth - working as a bartender can be tough. And you really didn't want to get into anything else - you just wanted to try this. You think that you'll both like it, especially since Wrecker always wants to cuddle anyway.

He looked a little skeptical. You felt almost bad for suggesting it - he was probably expecting what you all usually did when he came back - worshipping you until he couldn't take it any more, and then fucking you into the mattress two or three times before your hips screamed in protest. And you loved that - but your hips didn't.

"And -" you added, a little hesitant to admit it, and feeling guilty that Wrecker looked so let down, "-and, I think that maybe if we do this tonight, my hips won't hurt so much later. It's like... stretching."

You blushed at that, because he would definitely be stretching more than your hip muscles.

Wrecker's brows raised at that, as if he never considered it. His whole demeanor changed - where he was a bit let down before, now he relaxed, and smiled soft. You knew he had been blaming himself before - it's a good thing you explained yourself. You never wanted him to be upset, especially over something so stupid as a misunderstanding or a lack of communication.

“Well, that makes sense,” he chuckles, finally relaxed enough to start disrobing. He sorted all of his armor into a neat little pile as you shrugged out of your own clothes, suddenly shy as you snuggled under the covers. You were blushing - not because of Wrecker, as the two of you were very familiar with the sight of each other nude - but more the way you would react to this.

When he finally slid into bed with you, he kissed your forehead gentle and sweet.

“Are you alright?” he asked, always so perceptive when it came to how you felt. You nodded, unconsciously pressing closer to him. 

“I’m fine, just... excited, I guess, to try this,” you admitted, as you felt his length against your thigh and shivered. Maybe you should have gotten off before you tried this with him - your body was reacting the way it always did, despite your previous resolve to just cuddle. 

“Oh, OK,” Wrecker chuckled, kissing your cheek instead, then your lips. That was familiar - Wrecker was always so gentle when he kissed you, so sweet. You kissed him back, intent enough to get lost in it. Soon enough, he was starting to press into you, and you gasped despite yourself. You tried to stay as still as possible - this always took a while, Wrecker finally getting himself seated. He was so big, so thick - you caught your breath, pressing your forehead to his shoulder as he covered your hips with his hands, gentle as he rocked his way into you, inch by slow inch. You busied yourself by kissing along his jaw, pressing chaste kisses to the scarring across his cheek and temple until you were finally full of him and you could breathe a sigh of relief.

“This is gonna be kind of hard...” Wrecker groaned out, his face pressed to your hair and his voice muffled. You could feel just how much this was affecting him - his big hands flexing on your waist with how much he wanted to move, but knew he couldn’t. You flexed your thighs around him - it was hard for you to hold back too, even if you knew it was for the best. It really was the sweetest torture. 

“I know, I didn’t really think this through,” you groaned, nuzzling against his neck, a shiver vibrating through your body when he laughed at your mutual misfortune.

“That’s funny. Usually I say that,” he leaned back to grin at you, and you couldn’t help but giggle back before you leaned in for another sweet kiss. 

After those first tempting minutes, you grew to love the feeling of Wrecker inside you. He filled you out so well, stretching you the perfect amount so that you were always keenly aware of the length of him inside you. He ground into you every so often, just to stay hard enough to stay inside you, and it felt so deliciously deep. You pulled him on top of you to cuddle, and you had never felt so safe, so surrounded and taken care of. He covered your cheeks and neck in little kisses as you both took the time to enjoy each others bodies. 

Eventually, Wrecker had to pull out and you had to turn on your side so he could enter you again, to both lay on your sides as you fell asleep. Even for that brief moment, you felt so empty, you were almost desperate for him inside you again. And once he was, you both sighed in relief in unison. You both fell asleep like that - cuddled in the most intimate way.