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#it only gets worse from here friends
askblueandviolet · 6 months
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Do you think you be Mayor could’ve been better friends (orsomethingmore) under different circumstances?
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MASTER POST
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fleouriarts · 8 months
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feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole
#hivemind tv#hmfcu#riley savage#graydon weaver#quadeca#jane remover#eden burke#my art#2023#fanart#doodles#furry#its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online#doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself#and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling#and come back and then the cycle repeats#its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard#so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)'#NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here#and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out#and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave#i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style#idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment#i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one”#or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it”#sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse#whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m#friends for a while i think#woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography
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dwtdog · 3 months
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sorry! lol i meant your mindset about dteam i guess you posted on twitter saying we could ask you here
OH that makes sense i'll do my best to explain :DD
my most basic summary: all of this should have been handled in private. george and caiti had a misunderstanding that was based on them having two very different perceptions of the situation:
george saw it as a party among friends, among equals. he didn't know caiti was only 18, he didn't know she thought of herself as a smaller creator, he didn't know she was too afraid to distance herself
caiti saw it as a chance to get close to bigger creators, to make friends, and she felt out of her element and scared. she never should have ended up there, and for that i mostly blame her friends.
but the situation happened, and george messed up. in my perception, his biggest mistake was not being aware of her fear- but i wholly believe that he genuinly was just unaware, not malicious. power dynamics exist in every relationship, and are not inherently bad- they become dangerous when they are being leveraged, and based on everything we know of the situation, george was not leveraging the power dynamic against her.
this doesn't mean it didn't exist, because in caiti's mind, it did. and this led to her being deeply affected by the situation, because she perceived it as george taking advantage of her, and she felt used because of that- an important note is the difference in experience that george mentioned, where they both perceive a touch under the shirt very, very differently.
so what would have been the ideal fix to this situation? literally pretty much anything but bringing it before the court of public opinion. because of the extreme reaction to caiti's statement, george felt the need to go on the defensive, when, had it been kept private, it could have been a conversation where he explained that he truly had no idea, and he could give her a personal apology. instead, we're in a situation where everything has been massively overblown, from a miscommunication to malicious intent.
so, in the end, i think two things are true:
caiti felt hurt by the situation, and she deserves to find closure
george made a mistake, and he should take measures to ensure it doesn't happen again
for caiti, she hasn't given her final statement yet, so i can't say if she feels that going public with everything has brought her closure, or if she accepts george's apology. no matter what, she is allowed to to feel hurt
for george, he acknowledged his lack of awareness of the power dynamic or of her discomfort, and said he would be extra cautious of situations like this in the future. for the short term, there's not much more we can ask of him to verify that he is taking something important away from the situation. and for me, that is enough to feel confident in staying in the fandom, and continuing to support him.
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electoons · 3 months
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giving my ldb a daughter. embarrassing for all involved. mostly me
#her mom is an orc and her dad is a wood elf so she's going to be a very pointy orc. angular#like ok i suppose i leaned a little heavy on the elf features but also shes 12. she'll develop more orcish features. Not My Fault 😐#mimiart#weird little girl who pretends to be a wolf -> actual werewolf pipeline#elder scrolls#skyrim#shes sooo sweet and smiley :) idk where that comes from. not either of her parents. neither a point for nature nor nurture#calling her Khara for now. might change idk#re: my caption its only embarrassing because of who she had the child with. he fucking sucks#but so does she which is why they get along and they make each other worse. but also sometimes better#whatever. they love each other and their weird kids#at first they said “no kids absolutely the fuck not” then they decided to adopt alesan because like. hes already pretty much self sufficien#like he had a job and everything right. this will be a breeze hes already pretty much a fully formed human we can just help him out#by letting him sleep in our house right. and then like not even a full year later uloth gets pregnant oops 😬#does anyone here know how to keep a baby alive. thankfully uloth has amassed basically a small village of followers/friends/housecarls#some more responsible and knowledgeable than others. so dw the kids are okay and not dead#they just keep the necromancy and shady black market trading and unethical experiments OUTSIDE THE HOUSE#tes#ocs#oc#khara has only broken her dads finger once. orc grip you know how it is
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quietwingsinthesky · 5 months
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i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.
#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the#one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream.#because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best#friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up.#they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly#and it would still end the same way.#but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes.#now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend.#he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale!#its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone.#and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box.#little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again.#and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued.#s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse.#and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better.#because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a#monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality.#the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that.#BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped.#doctor who#amy pond#rory williams#<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name.#and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember#the doctor there. it would work. it would.#amelia pond au
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willowfey · 11 months
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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mamamiriamxo · 2 months
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Here's part 2 of granny Lilith's origins! Nothing quite as graphic or dark as the first part but still a TW for violence and domestic abuse. Bit more lighthearted this time.
Doesn't that dairy owner seem familiar?
Part 1, Part 2 ⬇️, Part 3
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twicethetrouble · 11 months
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Mass effect 1 is giving me trouble, but not in the way you'd expect.
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starrcrossrose · 4 months
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Someday I want to write an actual LeoIchi centric fic. Somedayyyy somedayyyyyy
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steviescrystals · 1 month
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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bootyful-seventeen · 8 months
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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heiscomingtomygrave · 9 months
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we are only halfway through
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jgyapologism · 10 months
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uh oh im having sad girl hours about ray's character in only friends right now. like....all the drama and chaos aside....somebody pls get my boy some therapy. he's just a sad lonely boy who wants someone to care about him i cant- i cant
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musical-chick-13 · 5 months
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Again, always very confusing to me when people suffering from The Obsessive Compulsives are Antis™, like these people will not protect you. They believe thought crimes are real. They inherently hate you and WILL throw you to the wolves if they ever come to know about anything related to your intrusive thoughts or the """""weird""""" things they ask you to do in therapy to manage/cope with them.
#you know how in erp a big part of it is writing down/thinking about the actual worst case scenario? you know the scenario that#often leads to people being harmed in a permanent way? you know creating a fictional scenario where bad things happen to good#people and you are the cause of them? THE VERY KIND OF FICTION THESE PEOPLE ARE AGAINST EXISTING IN ANY FORM BECAUSE IT#'NORMALIZES' WHATEVER TF THEY'RE ON A CRUSADE ABOUT ON ANY GIVEN DAY#THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. THIS WAY OF THINKING IS /ACTIVELY ANTITHETICAL/ TO RECOVERY FROM THIS DISORDER#this is related to the 'does anyone else get Themes™ about writing' question I posed a while back and some of these people..........#if you knew the specifics of what I was writing about you would COMMIT ARSON#IT'S NOT REAL! NONE OF THIS IS REAL!! YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF BY MORALIZING FICTION IN THIS WAY#I USED TO HAVE CRISES OVER SYMPATHIZING WITH AND ENJOYING VARIOUS HORRIBLE FICTIONAL WOMEN TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS DIRECTLY!!!!!!!#and ngl a lot of these arguments about why xyz is Irredeemable™ sound a LOT like my disorder.#(especially in the way they try to like...twist things into fitting into a definition of [insert type of problematic dynamic here] a la#'character raising their voice at someone one time during a high-stakes situation is abuse' or 'people who were friends as children#are Related Actually')#like. you get why. you get why this VERY disorder would think in similar ways to that right. because it tries to convince you that#everything you do is violating various human rights correct? you get why this would be unhelpful right?#IF YOU SOUND LIKE MY FUCKING DISORDER!!! YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!#In the Vents#okay I'm done. this just. It BUGS me.
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arolesbianism · 7 months
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While I may not be allowing myself to post spiraling upwards spoilers, I see no issue with posting art of a bunch of folks who are dead before the story starts and one Conetalon who isn't
#keese draws#warrior cats#warrior cats oc#spiraling upwards#these are all the og leaders and deputies of each of the 4 main clans!#and cone is the only of the og deputies who didn’t die before their leader lol#also two of these are mother daughter duos with bonestar being conetalons mom and bristlestar being gullspots mom#gullspots died during a horrible flood in their old camp#and this was pretty early on in the clan’s life too so no one else was rly qualified to be deputy#she ended up choosing honeyfeather as her new deputy which honey did. not take well.#she had be among the injured in the flood and had just lost her tail along with her best friend#so she was not in a place to be deputy at All#and things would only get worse for her when bristle died only a few months later of old age#because of this she has. complicated feelings on bristle to put it lightly.#frostflow died from an infected wound after a nasty fall which left pretty much the entire clan devastated#foggystar didn’t want to force anyone who was grieving to become deputy so he decided on a cat who had only been a part of the clan for#about a year after his old owners died in a house fire#his name was daisy and he’s one of my favorites and currently he’s the youngest of the four leaders#pigeon died via snake bite which is ironic for reasons I won’t go into now but everyone was devastated blah blah blah but really this did#fuck up most of the older members of the clan a lot as pigeon played such a vital role in them all being alive here today#ratstar ended up choosing her other crush (more complicated edition) as her new deputy since she was the right hand man to the cat who#started the revolution that brought them all together but abt a year later it became clear to both of them that nightfur wasn’t able to#handle the pressure of this anymore so she retired#after that ratstar just tried to pick the most responsible looking cat and she kind of succeeded#I say kind of because she Was but then 3 of her children got murdered and her best friend died right before ratstar dropped dead#so now she’s barely holding things together and has some newfound anger issues#and then my girl conestar just got to hang out and become leader when her mom died lucky her#well no she was absolutely devisated when her mom died as bonestar was like the number one cat she cared abt#she had been terrified of losing her mom for good for years so even though she could tell her mom was getting old and was able to talk to#her directly about these fears she still had a hard time moving forwards
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thatfaerieprincess · 9 months
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Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably#I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go#one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this#I can#but god I don’t know#in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I don’t know how to step into it#sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably would’ve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself I’m talking to her#I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed
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